


Promise to Sirius

by Gracia237



Series: Promise to Sirius [1]
Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Angst, Brokenness, Brotherhood, Brotherly Love, Comfort, Drama, Emotions, Empathy, Encouragement, Family, Feels, Friendship, Healing, Imagery, Kindness, Other, Promises, Strength, Suicide, Togetherness, Violence, compassion - Freeform, warmth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 76
Words: 743,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24708994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gracia237/pseuds/Gracia237
Summary: The first 'S' of the name 'STARISH', an innocent, radiant and kind-hearted soul, Natsuki Shinomiya makes his family and friends laugh and smile everyday and shows passion and emotion in every song that he sings, writes and composes. However, the bright boy is shattered into pieces when a cameraman from the Hayato concert unveils the existence of his alter ego Satsuki and the damage that he has done before his very eyes, calling him a monster and a burden. And amidst the cold revelation and distorted, broken thoughts, Natsuki is approached and taken in by his senpai, Reiji Kotobuki, who wishes to prevent the young boy from suffering the way he is and has devastating secrets of his own.Throughout the entire ordeal, Natsuki bonds and builds a special connection with Reiji and Ai Mikaze who has a personal longing of his own, all while learning to cherish himself and what it means to be stronger at heart. The three of them learn from one another and embrace one another while facing hardships, nightmares, meltdowns and broken memories, while growing to become an unlikely but inseparable trio. And maybe, just maybe...This was what they needed all this time: one another.
Relationships: Natsuki Shinomiya & Ai Mikaze, Natsuki Shinomiya & QUARTET NIGHT, Natsuki Shinomiya & Reiji Kotobuki, Natsuki Shinomiya & Reiji Kotobuki & Ai Mikaze, Natsuki Shinomiya & Reiji Kotobuki & Ai Mikaze & Ranmaru Kurosaki & Camus, Reiji Kotobuki & Ai Mikaze
Series: Promise to Sirius [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2130132
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	1. Hello - An Introduction

Hello. This is my second fanfiction and first Utapri / Uta no Prince-sama fanfiction. The main genres are friendship, feels and drama, and the main protagonists are Natsuki, Reiji and Ai, all who have deep, excruciating problems of their own:

All of the other Starish and Quartet Night members are also part of the story, their roles varying from supporting to major ones. I hope you enjoy this fanfiction and feel free to leave any comments. Thank you.

(Note 1: I do not own the Uta no Prince-sama series and its characters. There may be references and similarities to the original series.)

(Note 2: The Hayato concert in the "Orion de Shout Out" anime episode did happen, but here, it is a more destructive version of it, and this story starts about three years after that concert, with STARISH already graduated from the Master Course. Furthermore, the "Sirius e no Chikai (Promise to Sirius)" episode did not happen and Nanami Haruka does not exist in this story.)

(Note 3: Credits to silvermoon249.livejournal.com, llamalikesarah.wordpress.com and utagoe.tumblr.com for the lyrics translations and to the owners of the pictures used.)

(Note 4: This fanfiction has been posted and is currently being updated on Wattpad as well, under my username Gracia237.)


	2. Prologue I - Natsuki

Natsuki Shinomiya

_"I need your love..."_

The gentle, sorrowful words flowed inside Natsuki's head as he wrote them down for the umpteenth time on the sheet of paper that was supposed to be a draft for a song rather than a page that was mostly filled with a repetition of the same four words over and over again. He had the melody, the emotions, the rhythm, but somehow he felt like he lacked something, like he was missing a piece of glass that was needed to complete a window to a brand new scenery. And he felt like what he lacked was amidst those four words. Those four simple words that tugged onto the strings of Natsuki's heart like they were those of the viola that he had been playing ever since a little boy. Ever since the times when he actually felt like he was a whole, like he completely knew who he was, all of his smiles, doubts and truths.

_Whose love... am I talking about?_ Natsuki mentally whispered.

He knew that he was loved and treasured by his fellow Starish members, Syo, Otoya, Tokiya, Cecil, Masato and Ren, all whom he deeply loved and cherished from the bottom of his heart. He knew that his senpais, Ai, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus, cared about him, although most of them did not usually show it, and he loved them too. He knew that his family who had raised him and always been there for him loved him more than anyone else, and he always kept them in his heart. He knew that he had fans who would type encouragements and praises for him whether he uploaded a photo or video on their group's main account on social media, he was performing for them in a concert, or he and his friends had just released a new album or song. But he could not help but feel as though there was someone else that he had yet to know about. 

Someone who had always protected him even though he had no clue as to who it was. Someone who had been there even though Natsuki had never seen him or her face-to-face before. Natsuki had originally thought that he was imagining things, but the suspicions and emotions only grew stronger as time passed by, as he sharpened his musical talents. He felt like whoever it was had been protecting him when he was too weak to overcome his struggles, and although it should be consoling Natsuki, it somehow only saddened him, though he could not explain why. And to make Natsuki even more confused, there had been countless of times when he'd just blank out and then have no idea what had happened before he lost his focus. One minute he'd be talking to Syo or the others and the next thing he knew was that he was staring into space, unable to recall why he was doing so in the first place. During those times, a part of his heart would ache, like he had done something to cause pain, but he was confused as to why. One thing that he was sure about himself was that he would never try to hurt anyone, regardless if they had hurt him before. But if so... 

Then why did he feel this much pain and sorrow?

Why-

"Natsuki? You're still up?"

"Oh, Syo-chan!" Natsuki exclaimed, instinctively pushing the paper in between the pages of his notebook as his roommate, Syo Kurusu, yawned and rubbed his eyes. "I was trying to write a song."

"Oh, how is it going?" Syo asked, slightly more awake now.

"Uh... I'm a bit stuck now."

Syo let out a light chuckle. "That's alright, Natsuki. Writing a song can be a bumpy ride, right?" He laid his head back down on his pillow and smiled lightly at Natsuki. "Just stop for now and go to bed, Natsuki. It'll be a long day tomorrow and we don't wanna get yelled at by our dance instructors, right?"

Natsuki laughed and gave the younger boy a nod. "You're right. Thanks, Syo-chan."

"Goodnight, Natsuki."

"Sweet dreams, Syo-chan."

Once Syo had fallen back to sleep, Natsuki quietly slipped the sheet of paper out of the notebook and read the same line again. _"I need your love."_ He didn't quite want to show this to Syo or the others just yet. A part of him felt like it was rather personal; the rest of him thought that it would be better for him to tell them about it after he figured things out on his own first. And on the back of his mind, he thought that he would be worrying about them or that they would find it extremely bizarre, and Natsuki did not want that. He wanted them to keep smiling and laughing no matter what. That was why he never said a word about this, or about the hate messages that he often read from fans that liked everyone else in the group but hated him, or about how weak he felt deep within his heart and wished to be stronger, but couldn't really figure out how. The warmth of their love had been propelling him forward all this time, but he felt like his flaws were becoming more and more apparent and he was failing to overcome them. Letting out a soft sigh, Natsuki folded the paper and tucked it in between the pages of his notebook before calling it a day and going to bed.

_Why... can't I understand...?_

_"I pledge_

_I need your love"_

_\- "Promise to Sirius",_ _by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kishou Taniyama)_


	3. Prologue 2 - Reiji and Ai

Reiji Kotobuki

_"If I suddenly held you close like this...?"_

His eyes closed, Reiji laid back against his pillow that had been propped up on the bed and silently listened to a song that he had recorded not too long ago, "Never..." In his group of four idols, Quartet Night, he was known to be the cheerful, goofy one among the contrasting yet colourful personalities, with a voice that suited funky, energetic songs. And this song was one of them and was possibly also one of his personal favourites. Listening to the catchy tune and allowing the lyrics to flow through his mind in the otherwise quiet night, he placed his hands against the earphones and squeezed his eyes shut even tighter. If he was listening to this song in the morning and was with Ai, Camus, Ranmaru or his kouhais, he would be dancing and grooving to the song like there was no tomorrow, making funny expressions that would make Otoya, Natsuki and a few others crack up, a grouchy Ranmaru, Camus and others groan, and Ai, Tokiya and Masato sigh heavily. But it was nighttime now and Reiji was alone in his private apartment, with no one to wave a hello or goodbye to, no one to annoy or joke around with, no one to smile at, whether it was genuine or fake.

 _Yeah_ , Reiji thought. _Fake._

He looked at his cellphone and reversed back to an earlier part of the song, to a part that was more important and deep to him than anyone could ever guess. But then again, no one else truly saw the song for what it was to Reiji.

_"As the seasons continue to pile up over and over."_

They saw the song as an upbeat, melodious song that they could dance their worries away to, most of them not bothering to read the lyrics.

But Reiji saw...

_"I can no longer lie to my own heart"_

A song that represented his true self.

After he had listened to what he wanted to hear, Reiji paused the song, took his headphones off and shifted his gaze over to the glass window nearest to his bed. The fans only saw him for his cheerful, goofy and bright persona. For the idol Reiji Kotobuki that never ceased to annoy his fellow members of Quartet Night while being the most lenient, nonchalant senpai. Like how they only saw the song for what it appeared to be on the surface: fun, funky, groovy, jazzy. But that was not all that Reiji was. Neither was that what Reiji was every single second of the day, not even close.

Looking at his reflection on the glass that showed a dimly lit sky, Reiji sighed with a heavy heart that no one would expect him to have. He could put up a cheerful, outgoing facadé in front of everyone and get away with it, even in front of the perceptive Ai and sharp-eyed Tokiya, probably because he had been doing it and perfecting it for years. He could laugh and smile brightly like everything was fine and no one would notice that anything was wrong. But the one person that he could not lie to, that he could never fool, was himself. And he most definitely could not lie tonight.

_Every night that I stay up on hurts terribly..._

Reiji turned to the hanger on which his white fedora was loosely hung, and smiled weakly at how much of a prop for hiding his true feelings it had become.

 _because it reminds me of the nights thay I couldn't sleep because of you..._ _Aine_ _._

Ai Mikaze

_"Gently... lightly... it flutters down into my palm and disappears!"..._

The streetlamps flashed with a brilliant, nearly-blinding white, the colour of the stars that Ai could never imagine to touch, the colour of the snow that seemed warm if he were to compare it to his artificial chest. Ai walked at a slow pace along the sidewalks, passing a few people here and there who came as soon as they left, a basic concept of a short-lived existence. He hummed one of his solo songs, "Winter Blossom", under his breath, secretly revelling in its gentle, quiet melody. The lyrics described snow as something fleeting, saying that it reached his palm and disappeared right after. Somehow they managed to make Ai feel something, although he could not comprehend what it was, even if just for a brief, passing second. But Ai could only internally shake his head at that. How was he capable of feeling anything real?

After all, he did not have a real heart.

_"Somehow my heart hurts just a little."_

Ai never said it out loud to anyone, not even to the professor who had created him, but he knew that he was not an actual human being like Reiji and the others. He knew that he was a robot created to be Shining Saotome's ideal idol and was linked to the consciousness of a boy named Aine Kisaragi, Reiji's best friend who had attempted to commit suicide and was now in a coma. He knew that he was merely a shell that served others, that did what he was told to do, that pleased others to their hearts' content. But even with Aine's consciousness linked to him, Ai felt like he and the former just... were not the same. That they were two completely different beings and personalities. But then, again... what was Ai without Aine? Could Ai truly say that he was a completely different being if he did not have what everyone else around him had? The understanding of what it meant to laugh, smile and cry. The ability to feel happiness, sorrow or any of those emotions in what he did rather than "making choices" like everything was that rigid. And of course... a true and beating human heart.

Stopping in front of an old bookstore, Ai looked down and placed a cold hand on his chest, clutching it a bit. He could feel something ache softly in there along and flicker on and off like a candle's light. Pain. Puzzled, he remained like that for awhile, hand on his chest, eyes downcast, before pulling himself out of his daze and looking up at the sky. Even though it was not snowing or raining, it was dark and cold...

just like the chest that looked like any human's but wasn't even real, but didn't even have a real heart.

_"If I suddenly held you close like this...?_

_My heartbeat throbbed painfully"_

_\- "Never...", by Reiji Kotobuki (Showtaro Morikubo)_

_"Following your heartbeats, somehow my heart hurts just a little"_

_\- "Winter Blossom",_ _by Ai Mikaze (_ _Shouta_ _Aoi)_


	4. All Alone

Natsuki Shinomiya

_"He's so immature!"_

_"Grow up already!"_

_"Such a loser..."_

Natsuki tried to not wince as he read the comment section of the selfie of himself, Otoya and Cecil that he had just posted in Starish's official account on Instagram about a few hours ago. Tokiya had posted a photo of himself and Masato a week ago and received gushes of compliments and praises from the fans with the trending of the hashtag #originalresonanceboys. Three days ago, Ren had posted a photo of himself and Syo out in the cinema and the fans had gone wild at their handsome, manly and refined looks. However, now while the fans were fanboying and fangirling about Cecil and Otoya's cheeky and cheerful smiles, many of them were bashing Natsuki's smile and peace signs, calling him cruel words like "immature", "loser" and "annoying", saying that he was the black hole of Starish, that he should be kicked out of the group.

_"Why don't they kick him out of Starish already?"_ came a new comment.

_"I know right! he's nothing special!"_

_Stop._

Immediately, Natsuki shut his cellphone off and looked up at his fellow band members, his heart constricted in sheer agony, trying to recollect himself. Otoya was strumming his guitar with a cheerful laugh as Syo bickered with Cecil and Masato. Tokiya was sitting on a white sofa near Natsuki reading a novel while Ren was practising his gentlemanly ways in front of a mirror, blowing kisses, winking and smirking at his own reflection. Sometimes Natsuki wondered if he was truly special, if he deserved to be singing on the same stage as the six other unique, colourful and talented boys in the boyband. He knew that he was not nearly as popular as the others, especially Tokiya, Otoya and Syo, and that he was often either disregarded or criticized by the group's fans for his own personality and "cutesy" actions. Sometimes he even caught himself wondering why Shining Saotome even let him stay in this group if people hated him so much. Letting out a quiet sigh, Natsuki opened his notebook and took out the paper on which he had tried to write a draft for a new song, only to find himself stuck with the same line.

_"I need your love..."_

"Cut that out, Cecil!"

"Shut up, Kurusu!"

"How about you shut up, Masato?"

"Kurusu..."

Natsuki laughed as the trio of friends continued to bicker among themselves and Tokiya facepalmed, calling Masato "surprisingly childish." He had yet to figure things out about himself, but one thing that he knew for sure was that his friends' smiles, laughs and love had always propelled him forward no matter how much he struggled, even if they did not know how much their happiness meant to him. Looking down at the sheet of paper again, Natsuki smiled lightly, deciding to not worry about the song too much before tucking the song between the same two pages of his notebook and flipping over to one of his favourite Starish songs, "Mirai Chizu."

_"Because you're not alone, right?"_

_I'm not,_ Natsuki thought, smiling faintly, _but that doesn't mean that I don't feel that way._

Just then, the door burst open and Shining Saotome came into the room with a wide smile on his face. In a flash, Otoya stopped playing his guitar; Masato, Syo and Cecil stopped bickering; Ren pretended like he was merely brushing his hair; Tokiya closed his book. Natsuki closed his notebook and smiled.

"Starish!" he shouted excitedly, beaming at them, his arms spread out. "It's time to start a new project!"

"I thought that we were going to have vocal and dance practice today," Tokiya pointed out, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Nope, change of plans!" Shining Saotome answered, his voice as loud and excited as before. He looked around at all seven boys, his grin widening. "You seven are going to be writing and composing your own solo songs!"

Masato and Ren nearly choked on their water while Syo's jaw dropped. Tokiya's eyes widened while Cecil and Otoya stared at Shining Saotome in sheer bewilderment. Confused by the shock on his friends' faces, Natsuki tilted his head to one side and asked, "Why are you guys so surprised? It sounds like a lot of fun!"

"What do you mean 'fun'?" Syo exclaimed, spinning around to face Natsuki. "Weren't you struggling to write one a few nights ago?"

"I was, but that doesn't mean it's not fun!" Natsuki responded with a bright smile, although a part of him wished that Syo did not point that out, that the younger boy did not remind him of his sorrow.

"Ugh, why did I even ask you?"

"I like that enthusiasm, Mr Shinomiya!" Shining Saotome remarked, flashing Natsuki a large grin. "Now back to the topic in hand. In the span of five months, all of you are to create your own solo songs without the help of the team of lyricists, composers or writers. Write a song that only you can perfect and make the fans go crazy at your songwriting and composing skills along with your melodious voices!"

"But the only ones that have much experience on writing _and_ composing songs on their own are Shinomiya, Jinguji and Ichinose," Masato said, glancing at Natsuki, Ren and Tokiya. "I mean, we participated in the cross unit project and wrote songs, but it's not the same-"

"That's exactly why I gave you all five months." Shining Saotome was yelling excitedly now. "To seek the inspiration you need and create the ultimate solo songs with your heart, mind and soul!"

"Can we extend the deadline?" Cecil asked, his eyes worried.

"No can do, kiddo. I've released the news to the press."

"You what?" everyone except Natsuki and Ren yelled.

"So I'll be leaving the project in your hands now," Shining Saotome said, soaring to the exit, ignoring the yells and protests behind him. "I know that all seven of you have it in you to create seven different masterpieces that represent your souls. All the best and fly high, everyone!"

"But-" Otoya began, but Shining Saotome had disappeared from sight.

"This had better be a freaking joke-"

"It's not. Look."

Everyone immediately crowded around Tokiya, who held out his cellphone for all of them to see. Shining Saotome had posted the official announcement for the Starish solo song project and fans from all over the world had been bombarding the comment section with a flurry of messages of joy and excitement.

_"OMGOMG I'M NOT READY"_

_"SEVEN NEW SONGS I'M SO HYPED"_

_"THEY'RE GONNA BE COMPOSING, SINGING AND WRITING THE SONGS ON THEIR OWN. THIS IS GONNA BE EPIC."_

The Starish members looked at one another in awe and Natsuki placed an arm around an amazed Otoya, who beamed at him in return. Natsuki found himself smiling at the warm reaction from the fans, but when Tokiya scrolled down the comment section, he felt his heart become heavy.

_"I bet its five months because that useless natsuki's dragging them down."_

_"Yeah man. What a drag."_

_"Most looking forward to (from most to least):_

_1\. Tokiya, Otoya, Masato, Syo, Cecil, Ren_

_999\. Natsuki_

_Like if you agree"_

There were already 378 likes on the last comment.

"Are they freaking kidding?" Syo exclaimed, glaring at the comments with sheer fury in his blue eyes. "Who are they calling 'useless?'"

"Exactly!" Cecil agreed, shaking his head incredulously.

"The real drag is them spouting out nonsense in the comment section," Tokiya said, his voice calm but cold.

"Those 378 people are such-"

"It's okay, guys," Natsuki assured them, placing a hand on Masato's shoulder as he flashed them the best smile that he could manage even though his heart was aching painfully. "Let them say what they want. It's alright."

"Yeah, but you don't deserve to be treated like that," Otoya lowered his eyes, "Natsuki..."

"And they've been trending disgraceful remarks like these for weeks now," Masato added, with Ren and the others nodding in agreement.

_Months, actually_ , Natsuki thought. But he did not say his thought out loud and merely nodded at his caring band members with a warm smile. "I know. But I'll be fine as long as I have you guys. You guys are why I've been able to stay strong against all those comments for so long. So as long as you're with me, I'll be smiling everyday, okay?"

Cecil, Otoya, Tokiya, Ren, Masato and Syo all nodded in agreement with smiles on their faces, and the seven boys all sat themselves down at the long wooden table to start working on their solo songs. Sitting at the far end of the left side of the table, Natsuki opened the yellow notebook and read the lyrics of "Mirai Chizu" one more time before returning back to the song that he had been stuck on.

_Yeah, I can smile when I'm with you guys, because with you guys, I'm not alone._

Deep inside Natsuki's heart, however, he felt his heart thump in an acute sorrow.

_I can smile, but sometimes I just do not know how happy it really is._

Reiji Kotobuki

"Our kouhais are working on their own solo songs!"

"Yeah," Ranmaru responded, looking up from his bass guitar at Reiji, who smiled brightly. "Wondering how that'll turn out. They're completely on their own this time around."

"There have been approximately 1,098,765 likes on this post within a span of only 3 hours, 6 minutes and 17 seconds," Ai remarked, his eyes fixated on his cellphone, his eyes slightly amazed. "They are trending spectacularly on social media right now."

"You fools are disrupting my peaceful teatime," Camus spoke up, his tone annoyed.

"Who asked for your opinion, you pinhead?" Ranmaru countered.

"Shouldn't that statement be for you, you insolent fool?"

Ai facepalmed and Reiji smiled awkwardly as Ranmaru and Camus began to yell at each other for the third time ever since their lunch break began. They had been eating their lunch on nearby but separate tables in the dance studio's mini cafeteria when Reiji checked Instagram and saw the announcement. Reiji's eyes widened in awe at the thousands of excited, joyful and celebrating comments from the Starish fans, at how much love the junior band was receiving all over the world.

_They really deserve it_ , Reiji thought, smiling to himself. _They've always been so hardworking and nice kouhais._

However, his finger froze when he saw the next few comments.

_"Most looking forward to (from most to least):_

_1\. Tokiya, Otoya, Masato, Syo, Cecil, Ren_

_999\. Natsuki_

_Like if you agree"_ (1.7k likes)

_"FINALLY THIS WILL SHOW EVERYONE THAT THAT LOSER DOES NOT BELONG IN STARISH"_

_"GET OUT NATSUKI"_

Reiji felt his mood darken at the cruel insults and statements that were clearly directed at Natsuki, one of his kouhais and a kouhai that Ai had been put in charge of. Why did social media have to be so unnecessarily toxic and hateful? Why did people have to hurt those who did their best to make others happy, to make others smile and laugh? Noticing that the first hateful comment had reached the top of the comment section, Reiji was quite certain that Natsuki would see it if he opened the comment section and was disgusted by the fans who chose to discriminate the boy like that. And the thought of the kind-hearted and cheerful Natsuki being hurt and saddened by the ungrateful, heartless fans made Reiji's heart throb in his chest.

_And I can bet..._ Reiji suddenly lost his appetite to finish his karaage, _that even if he saw those comments..._

Reiji set his spoon down and inwardly grimaced.

_... he'd still be putting on the brightest smile that he can make._

Reiji was sure of that because to him, Natsuki Shinomiya was someone who had his heart on his sleeve. Natsuki was extremely readable to Reiji, especially due to Reiji's years of experience when it came to dealing with others, whether they were kind-hearted, gentle souls or mean-spirited plaster saints who put up angelic masks to fool those around them, and Natsuki's inability to truly hide his emotions. Natsuki, from what Reiji had seen over the many months of knowing him, had always been too kind for his own good. Natsuki would always put his family and friends' well-being in front of his own, even if it meant him suffering because of it. Otoya and Tokiya had once told Reiji about a time when Natsuki almost got run over by a car while trying to save Ren, who had drunkenly crossed the road. Reiji had also seen Natsuki offering his lunch to those who did not have any when the delivery man did not bring the right amount of lunches numerous times, as well as the latter's unwavering patience when the others lost their temper unreasonably. Natsuki was a genuinely kind person, but it was his kindness that made Reiji cannot help but worry about him at times.

_But if I told you that it was okay to stop smiling even if it worried your friends, Nattsun,_

Reiji got up from his seat and excused himself to the restroom, not wanting any of the other Quartet Night members to notice his dampened mood,

_I'd be a total hypocrite._

Reiji couldn't help but worry, because he couldn't lie about the fact that he smiled even when he didn't feel like it and even when it hurt unbearably,

he still kept doing it until he was all alone.

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Shinomiya, there is somebody who would like to see you."

Natsuki and the other Starish members stopped walking down the corridor as Kite, one of their managers, approached them, his brown eyes filled with guilt. It was past 9 at night and they had just finished their long sessions of vocal and dance practice, which had been previously postponed due to the scheduling of their time for the new solo song project. Kite looked at Natsuki, his brown eyes filled with guilt, and spoke again.

"I'm sorry that it's really late and you must be tired, but he needs to see you now."

"It's okay, Kite-senpai," Natsuki said, smiling warmly at the apologetic manager. "I'll go and see them." Natsuki then turned to Otoya, Syo and the others and said, "You guys go back home first. I'll go back after I'm done with the meeting."

"You sure, Shinomi?" Ren asked, giving Natsuki a concerned look. "We can wait out here for you."

"It's okay, Ren-kun," Natsuki assured him, smiling brightly. "I'll be fine. Besides," Natsuki looked at Syo, who looked like he could fall asleep any minute now, "you guys must be very tired now. So just go home and get a lot of good rest. I'll text you when I'm done."

"Okay," Ren grinned at Natsuki, "thanks for being kind, Shinomi."

"See you guys!" Natsuki waved at them happily.

"See you, Natsuki/Shinomiya/Shinomi!"

After watching his close friends walk away for a few more moments, Natsuki smiled and followed Kite towards the opposite direction until they reached a vast meeting room in the dance studio, in which a man with bright purple hair and a few animal tattoos was waiting for their arrival. Something about the man made Natsuki's heart thump in awareness, worry and strangely, familiarity, but Natsuki still did his best to smile and greeted the man.

"Good evening, sir. How may I help you?"

"Ah, you're here, Shinomiya-kun," the man said, standing up before shaking Natsuki's hand. "I am Tablo Ozrock, a cameraman for hire. I apologize for asking to meet you at such a late hour."

"No, it's okay, Ozrock-san," Natsuki assured him as Kite left them in the room and he and Ozrock sat at the conference table. "What is the matter? Is there something that you would like me to do?"

"Not exactly, Shinomiya-kun," Ozrock replied, switching his grey laptop on. "There is just something that I would like you to see."

"What is it?" Natsuki asked, tilting his head in confusion.

"Are you aware of the Hayoto concert that got intruded nearly a year ago?" Ozrock asked, suddenly looking at Natsuki with a serious expression.

Puzzled by the question, Natsuki shook his head. "No, I am not, Ozrock-san."

Somehow the fact that he did not know seemed to make his stomach churn uncomfortably, like something terrible was about to happen, and Natsuki had no idea why. He truly had no idea what Ozrock was talking about. Suddenly, Ozrock began to laugh, causing bewilderment and confusion to fill Natsuki's pounding heart.

"How amusing."

Natsuki was not sure of he heard Ozrock's voice right. Were his ears hearing him right? Because the seemingly-polite Ozrock's words were now dripping with malice that froze Natsuki's heart in sheer fear and worry.

"Ozrock-san-"

"No, really, it's amusing," Ozrock let out a cold laugh, turning the laptop so that Natsuki could see the screen, "because how can you have no clue about the intrusion..."

Ozrock played the video and the scene that unfolded before Natsuki's very eyes paralyzed him to the very core of his heart, and his body began to tremble.

"If you were the intruder, Shinomiya-kun?"

_"Warmth is empty, lips of evening_

_Where is love?"_

_\- "Orion de Shout Out",_ _by Satsuki Shinomiya (Kishou Taniyama)_


	5. Bright and Broken

Natsuki Shinomiya

Natsuki was frozen on his chair as the footage from the Hayato concert played on Ozrock's laptop before his very eyes, as he stared at the destruction that he could not even remember causing being caused and the havoc and terror of the crowds. It _was_ him, just without glasses. On the screen, he was singing a song that he never recalled ever singing as he took over a stage that was not even his and he was throwing stage props at the crowds that were screaming in horror, terror and fear beneath him, microphone stands, guitars, chairs and cymbals being hurled at the fans that had come to enjoy songs that were sung by Hayato. Natsuki's heart wrenched in anguish as he saw a little girl cry out in pain as crimson blood seeped out of her mouth due to a guitar colliding against her face and there was a group of teenage girls wailing for someone to save them.

_But I don't remember... ever doing such a thing... How could that... be me?_

_I never... wanted to hurt anyone._

_So then... how..._

The him in the footage shouted at the crowd to shut up and dropped a piano down onto the audience, earning piercing cries and screams of agony. Someone was shrieking for Natsuki to stop.

 _How could..._ tears welled up inside his eyes, _this be me...?_

Trembling uncontrollably as the version of himself on the screen continued to shout and sing amidst the horrifying scene of chaos, helplessness and terror, Natsuki could feel warm tears slip down his face against his will, his heart breaking in sheer, uncontrollable anguish as the sound of glass shattering stabbed his ears like a thousand blades.

 _This isn't me!_ Natsuki cried inside his head. _This can't be me!_

"Allow me to introduce you to your alter ego. Satsuki Shinomiya."

A finger tapped a key and the video was instantaneously frozen in its place. Natsuki slowly looked up at Ozrock, whose polite expression had been twisted into a cold, smug sneer.

"Satsuki Shinomiya appears the moment you take your glasses off, replacing your personality with his until someone manages to put your glasses back on," Ozrock explained, looking into Natsuki's eyes with a malicious glint in his cruel eyes. "Until then, you will keep creating terror and destruction around you, not caring how many people got hurt, indifferent to the suffering, terror and screams around you. You saw the video, didn't you? Look how you kept going even as a little girl broke down on spot, as fangirls and fanboys bled and cried out in agony, all because of you, Shinomiya-kun."

Natsuki shook his head repeatedly, clutching his head tightly as the images and thoughts spun around and tortured his mind like an unstoppable maelstrom of blades. "But I don't remember ever-"

"Oh, did I forget to mention your instant amnesia?"

Natsuki froze. "Amnesi-"

"Yes." Ozrock's eyes and smile darkened as he stood up and looked down at Natsuki, twirling a tablet pen with his fingers. "Amnesia. The moment that glasses are put on by Satsuki, you are not only returned to your usual personality, but you do not have any remembrance of what you did as Satsuki. How convenient is amnesia when you are so certain that your heart will not be able to bear the consequential reality of your actions, right?"

"But I would never-" Natsuki tried.

"So who is that on the freaking screen?" Ozrock shouted maniacally and accusingly, pointing a menacing finger at the Satsuki in the frozen screen. "Still refusing to admit what you did? Still so sure that that guy can't possibly be you? That that guy who looks exactly like you and has the exact voice as you is definitely, absolutely not you?" Ozrock cackled, his brown eyes red with utter lunacy that paralyzed Natsuki's entire soul. "You're hilarious, Shinomiya-kun. First, you're a destroyer, and invader and an assaulter. Now you're being a full-on liar with not even a single shred of remor-"

"I'm not any of that!" Natsuki shouted, his voice cracking within his sobs, although it was intended more to himself rather than Ozrock.

"You are!"

"I'm not!" Natsuki was screaming now, clutching his head tightly, tears running down his face endlessly, like a wild river.

"So then why do the fans hate you?" Ozrock questioned, his tone rising like flames that seared Natsuki's broken heart. "Why do they hate you so much when they love everyone else in your colourful Starish group?" Ozrock cackled again. "Because you're a complete liability and burden, Natsuki Shinomiya! Because your crimes, your entire being, is an utter burden and pain to everyone, not only the fandom, but your fellow band members too!"

Natsuki's heart cracked even more, if it was even possible. _Syo and the others... they knew-_

"Whenever you go rampage, who do you think did everything they could to put your glasses back on?" Ozrock continued, as though he could read Natsuki's thoughts. "Who do you think yelled at you to get a grip on yourself and fought and took your punches and attacks just to get you back to your normal self? Who do you think stared at you as you cluelessly asked what happened and gave you assuring smiles even though their hearts were still fearful after what you'd done? Why do you think that they act frantic every single time you try to take your glasses off? Because you look better with them on? How pathetic. Because you'll just become more of a burden to them with your glasses off!"

"N-No..." Natsuki uttered softly, burying his face in his right palm, now realizing why he often blanked out and had no idea why he even spaced out in the first place. And a few times after he regained his focus, he saw that some of his friends were either bruised or bleeding, and there was even a time when Ren and Masato had to support Tokiya, who could barely stand on his own. He would get worried and ask what happened, but they would always smile assuringly and say things like "I fell", "I bumped into something" or "He pushed me." But Natsuki now knew that they were all lies that they made just to protect Natsuki and keep him happy. So that he would not know how much of a burden he had been to everyone.

"No..."

His voice was quiet and he could feel the warmth of his tears fading away, gradually becoming more and more cold, like a sunset turning into a pitch black sky.

"How could I... Why-"

"You're a **monster** , Natsuki Shinomiya," Ozrock declared, pointing straight at Natsuki's chest, disregarding Natsuki's struggles to get a grip on himself. "You're a burden, a liability, a destroyer and an assaulter. God knows why they haven't kicked you out and locked you away where you cannot go rampage on anyone, because you don't deserve to be here, because you only bring pain and sorrow to everyone-"

"Please..." Natsuki whispered, his voice quivering, "stop-"

"Because you are a complete burden and a monster who can only hurt others and even-"

"Stop!"

In a flash, Natsuki had gotten up from his seat and was sprinting out of the meeting room, with Ozrock's cold laughter ringing in his ears like a song of death. "You're a coward, Natsuki Shinomiya!" Ozrock shouted as the door slammed against the wall. "A true, living, monstrous coward!"

With hot tears streaming down his face, Natsuki did not stop running even after he could no longer hear Ozrock's voice behind him, even after he had left the studio and was on the empty sidewalks, even as he looked up at the sky and saw the stars and streetlamps glaring down at him with their fierce white lights. All that his mind could see was the images of his alter ego, Satsuki Shinomiya, assaulting the fans in the crowd, the blood running down the horrified, terrified fans' faces, the bruises, fake smiles and battered bodies of his fellow Starish members who had always assured him that it was only a minor thing like a fall or bump, when deep down, those were only kind lies so that Natsuki did not have to suffer because of what he did as Satsuki. All that he could hear was Ozrock's cold, sadistic words, the cries and screams of the people that he had hurt as Satsuki, the loud song that his counterpart was singing, a song filled with despair, agony and raw, dark emotions. Crying out into the broken night, Natsuki suddenly fell onto his knees on the sidewalk, unable to stop shaking, unable to stop the tears from falling, unable to stop the images and voices that were overshadowing his mind. He clutched his head, begging for all of it to stop, begging for him to pull himself together, staring down at the cold ground that was starting to be stained by his tears, but nothing showed him or his broken, irreparable heart any mercy.

_How did I... not know?_

_"It's just a fall, Shinomi. I'll be fine after applying a bit of medication."_

_How did I have no idea... at all?_

_"Get away! Get away from me, you psycho!"_

_How could I hurt them... when I never wanted to hurt... anyone...?_

_"You're a monster!"_

"Stop..." Natsuki whispered in pure anguish, shaking his head. "Stop... please. Stop!"

Reiji Kotobuki

"You failed miserably on that high note, you fool."

"Shut up. At least I'm not a two-faced, selfish baboon like you."

"Why, you..."

"Calm down, Ranmaru, Camus," Ai spoke, sighing quietly as he looked away from the glass window. "Arguing is not going to help any of us regain our vitality for tomorrow's session."

But Ranmaru and Camus simply ignored Ai and continued to bicker between themselves, earning a heavy sigh from the latter, and Reiji smiled awkwardly. Those two sure had a whole lot of energy when it came to disagreeing with each other, even after hours of non-stop practice. Reiji shook his head and turned to the window, gazing out at the bright night. The four members were on their way home in the same van, starting with Reiji's apartment, which was the closest to the dance studio, followed by Ai's apartment, then Ranmaru's apartment, and finally, Shining's mansion, where Camus had his own private bedroom. The stars were glistening in the Prussian blue sky, which Reiji had not seen for quite awhile with the appearances of black, starless skies. There was hardly anyone out on the sidewalks and streets that were illuminated by white streetlamps. It did not, however, surprise Reiji; after all, it was quite late; close to 10, to be exact. The bright night was what caught Reiji by surprise, but it didn't really leave him in awe. To be honest, he didn't find bright nights that illuminating or scintillating anymore like he used.

 _"_ _The glow of the buildings dissolved into the night sky_

_Gently blurred by your eyes"_

Reiji was listening to his solo song "Never..." again, his headphones on his head, his hands snugly holding them as he gazed out of the window with a fleeting, sad smile. As groozy as the song was, it somehow brought a pang of sadness into Reiji's heart. Just as Reiji was about to lose himself in his thoughts, he saw someone on the sidewalk and his eyes widened. A boy with medium-length, wavy sunshine blond hair was on his knees, his head hung with his hands clutching it, trembling violently with tears running down his face. Within moments, Reiji realized who it was and shock and alarm seized his heart like lightning.

"Sir, stop the van now!" Reiji yelled.

"What are you-" the driver started, his eyes dilating.

"Just do it!" Reiji shouted.

The driver pulled the brakes and the van halted sharply, earning yells of shock from Camus and Ranmaru. However, Reiji paid them no heed and jumped off the van, hurrying along the sidewalk, his heart racing in sheer worry.

"Nattsun!" Reiji yelled as he heard footsteps following behind him. "Nattsun!"

Natsuki was still on the same spot as when Reiji first saw him through the window, clutching his head and trembling as he cried. Once Reiji reached Natsuki, he crouched down and pulled the younger boy into his arms, holding him tightly, rubbing him on the back as he quivered in the former's arms.

"R-Rei... chan... senpai...?" Natsuki uttered, choking on his sobs.

"Rei-chan-senpai is here, Nattsun, and so are Ran-Ran, Ai-Ai and Myu-chan," Reiji assured him, rubbing Natsuki's back in circles, his heart wrenching at the normally-bright boy's sobs, the footsteps halting behind him. "I'm right here and I'm not leaving you, Nattsun. You can always tell Rei-chan-senpai what happened; I'll be right here with open ears, okay?"

Reiji pulled away slightly to look Natsuki in the eye, and he nearly gasped at the sheer anguish glimmering inside the latter's large green eyes. He had never seen Natsuki this pained and broken, and it honestly caught Reiji off-guard. Reiji glanced up at his fellow Quartet Night members and saw the looks of shock and disbelief on all of their faces, even Ai's. Tears fell onto Reiji's jeans and he could not help but hold Natsuki's shoulders slightly tighter, thoughts and emotions all whirling around him like a hurricane.

Who made him like this?

"I'm such... a burden... senpai."

Natsuki's quiet, agonized words made Reiji's eyes dilate in shock and anguish, his heart freezing inside his chest. "No, Nattsun-"

"Why... am I even still here...?" Natsuki uttered, his voice and body trembling. "Why... when I've been nothing but a burden... when I'm hated by so many... when I o-only bring pain... to everyone...? I... I-"

Natsuki's voice was slipping away and Reiji tightened his hold on him.

"I'm... a monster... sen...pai..."

Reiji was opening his mouth to speak when Natsuki's tearful eyes fell to a close and the latter's head slumped forward onto the former's chest, no longer trembling. "Nattsun?" Reiji shook Natsuki on the shoulders vigorously, his heart accelerating with each second of the latter's unresponsiveness. "Nattsun? Nattsun!"

Natsuki remained motionless in Reiji's arms, his eyes squeezed shut, his arms limp by his side, no longer clutching his head. Reiji placed a hand on Natsuki's forehead as Ranmaru and Ai crouched by his side and his eyes widened at the burning heat that his hand made contact with.

"He has a high fever."

"Should we bring him back to the mansion?" Camus's deep voice asked, and Reiji looked up at him and shook his head.

"No," Reiji said, looking at his bandmates. "I'll take care of him tonight."

Camus, Ranmaru and Ai stared at him in astonishment as they let out a few gasps.

"Are you serious, Rei-"

"Dead serious." Reiji gave Ranmaru serious expression and the latter's eyes widened. "I may have an idea what is going on with Nattsun and he needs someone to take care of him for the night, so I'll bring him over to my place."

Reiji gave them a sorrowful smile.

"I hate seeing him like this, and I want to do everything I can to ease his pain, guys. So I'll take care of him and keep you all updated on his condition, okay?"

"Reiji..."

Ranmaru, Camus and Ai stared at Reiji for a brief moment before finally nodding in agreement. They then made their way back to the white van, with Reiji and Ranmaru bringing an unconscious Natsuki and Ai and Camus explaining the situation to their shocked driver, who then drove at the maximum speed that the law allowed to Reiji's apartment. None of the Quartet Night members said a word during the ride. Not a single insult or curse word could be heard from the previously-bickering Ranmaru and Camus; not a single remark about the weather or its temperature came from the precise Ai; not a single melody came from Reiji's headphones, which were no longer resting on his head. Natsuki's head was resting on Reiji's shoulder and the latter wrapped an arm around his shoulders, his heart thumping in pain amidst the cold silence.

 _You'll be alright_ , Reiji thought quietly, _Nattsun_.

 _"Gently blurred by your eyes"_ _..._

A memory of Natsuki sank inside his head, blurring everything else away, and Reiji lowered his eyes in pain. It was two months ago. Natsuki had been ill during a Starish and Quartet Night concert, his head throbbing and his body aching. He had slipped up a few times on the stage while performing "Golden Star", his voice cracking and faltering occasionally, and everyone noticed. Back then, no one noticed that he was sick besides Reiji, who had been singing the closest to him. And when they went backstage, before Natsuki could even say a word, Ranmaru, Camus and Syo pointed out his mistakes with hints of annoyance in their voices. And Reiji could feel his anger boiling as they talked even though he managed to keep a placid expression. They were not even letting Natsuki explain himself and Reiji had expected Syo, at least, to notice that something was wrong with Natsuki as the two were extremely close to each other. And it went on until Reiji pulled Natsuki away from them, and the latter weakly apologized to him for messing up onstage.

"No, Nattsun." Reiji shook his head. "Everyone messes up once in a while. Besides, you're feeling sick, aren't you?"

"You..." Natsuki uttered, his eyes filled with fatigue as Reiji requested the nearest staff member for a glass of hot water, "knew, senpai?"

"Yeah," Reiji answered, rubbing Natsuki on the back, smiling lightly. "I knew. I could see the pain in your eyes from where I stood."

The staff member came back with the glass of hot water and Reiji gave it to Natsuki, who gave him a quiet "thank you" with a light but pained smile.

"Hey, Nattsun."

"Yes, Rei-chan-senpai?" Natsuki asked.

Reiji looked him in the eye, his heart filled with heavy agony. "Why didn't you tell any of us that you fell sick?" His voice was nearly inaudible. "Why did you act like you were fine even though you were suffering? And you... even took their harsh words without standing up for yourself."

To be completely honest, during the entire time that Reiji spoke, he deeply felt like he was a total hypocrite. Because he had done all those things so many times that he had lost count. So what right did he have to ask Natsuki for a reason when he himself never admitted it to anyone? But Reiji wasn't asking because he was upset with the boy. Reiji was asking because he was extremely worried about Natsuki. Natsuki was incredibly kind - too kind. And Reiji knew more than anything how much pain being too kind led to.

"Because... I want you guys to keep smiling."

Reiji's eyes widened as he faced Natsuki, who gave him a small but sincere smile.

"The show had to go on and if I backed down, the fans wouldn't be happy and that would make you guys sad, senpai," Natsuki continued, looking down at the glass, his green eyes filled with true sadness.

His hands wrapped themselves around the glass of water a little tighter.

"I want to see you all smile... even if it hurts me."

"Nattsun..." Reiji muttered, his heart moved but wrenched in agony too. "You have a really kind heart, you know, but-"

"3 minutes to closing the concert, everyone!" a manager called out.

"Okay!" both Natsuki and Reiji said.

Natsuki got up, but Reiji took ahold of his shoulder.

"Nattsun, if you feel like you cannot take the pain anymore, just wave your light stick with your left hand and I'll know." Reiji gave Natsuki an assuring smile. "I'll be right next to you."

Natsuki's eyes widened in surprise, but he then gave Reiji his signature bright smile that made the latter's heart warm. "Thank you, Rei-chan-senpai."

And although Reiji did not point it out, he could have sworn that there were a few tears glistening in Natsuki's smiling green eyes.

With his apartment coming into view from the van's front window, Reiji wondered how much pain Natsuki had been suffering on his own amidst the colourful, cheerful group, how many times he had hidden his pain from others and gotten criticized for his flaws when he was already beaten down terribly, if he had ever had this kind of talk with any of the others. Reiji remembered how he had plainly disregarded Camus, Syo and Ranmaru as he and Natsuki joined the others and as he explained the latter's condition to the others, unable to hide his disapproval and disappointment towards them.

 _Even if he wasn't sick_ , Reiji remembered telling the three males after the concert, _you could have been kinder._ _I can bet that if any of you slipped up, he would be asking if you were alright the first chance he got._

What Reiji did not say was: _Don't subject him to more pain that he is already hiding for your sakes, please._

"We're here, Kotobuki-san."

"Thank you, sir," Reiji said, securing Natsuki's arm around his shoulder before getting up to leave the van. Reiji looked at Ai, Ranmaru and Camus and said, "I'll be leaving now. Have a safe trip back, alright?"

Reiji was about to turn around when he heard his name being called. "Reiji." He turned and faced Ai, whose eyes were widened slightly, as though he was surprised that he called out to Reiji.

"Yes, Ai-Ai?"

Ai did not say a word for a few seconds before saying with a quiet tone, "Take care of Natsuki well, okay?"

Although surprised by his usually-stoic bandmate's words, Reiji nodded with a faint smile. "You got it, Ai-Ai."

Supporting Natsuki by the arm, Reiji carefully stepped down from the van and walked towards his apartment, glancing one last time at his three bandmates. Camus and Ranmaru were looking at each other while Ai was staring out a window. Reiji shook his head and gave them one last wave before the van started to move again, into the distant, broken night. He turned to face Natsuki, who was still limp next to him, his eyes still squeezed shut in a pained expression. Giving the unconscious Natsuki an agonized smile, Reiji got closer to his apartment with a worried mind and a heavy heart, promising himself and Natsuki that he would make sure that the latter would be alright no matter what.

_I..._

An image of a long-lost friend, Aine, laying on a white bed, trapped in a coma, his face frozen in a peaceful expression that broke Reiji's heart, flickered inside Reiji's head and he lowered his eyes, an old pain welling up inside his heart with his current waves of sorrow,

_don't ever want you to suffer the way I did... Nattsun._

Ai Mikaze

Peering through the cold glass window, Ai silently observed as Reiji's figure got smaller and smaller as he brought an unconscious Natsuki to his apartment, the older Quartet Night member's back facing him. Ai never mentioned it to anyone, but to him, Natsuki and Reiji were the most unreadable among everyone in Starish and Quartet Night. Even when compared to the cool-headed Tokiya and Masato and the two-faced Camus, Natsuki and Reiji were enigmas that Ai could not seem to truly solve. Ai felt like there was a lot more to those two seemingly cheerful and carefree boys than what they showed on the surface, but he could not seem to pinpoint what it was. But Ai had caught glimpses of Reiji's darker, more mature sides a few times, like during the concert in which the latter got mad at Camus, Ranmaru and Syo for criticizing Natsuki. And he had just witnessed Natsuki, the boy who usually smiled brightly like he was the sun himself, broken down and collapse before his very eyes, completely in pieces that Ai could not even begin to understand how to put back together.

 _You could have been kinder_ , Ai had heard Reiji tell Syo, Camus and Ranmaru after that concert.

Ai could feel a strange agony as he watched Natsuki and Reiji disappear into the building, as Natsuki's warm voice and Reiji's serious words echoed inside his head like a distant sound. Confused, Ai looked down at his chest and placed a hand on its left side, but could not feel what the average human being would: a heartbeat. _Kindness._ Ai knew that he was not human and had a long, long way to truly grasping the meaning of human emotions and traits, but as he found himself thinking of the two boys, the word "kindness" flowed through his head like melted snow, strangely consoling but painful at the same time, and he soon stopped on a particular thought and held it in his artificial chest.

 _Kindness..._ _hurts, doesn't it?_

The glass double-doors slid to a close behind Reiji and the apartment disappeared from view, leaving Ai with a bickering duo had gone peculiarly silent and a chest that gave him pain without any answers as to how he could feel anything in the first place.

Without any explanation as to whether what he was supposedly feeling was even real.

_"Suddenly searching my chest on the left side_

_To understand the same "something" as you_

_But there is nothing..."_

_\- "Mune no Kodou", by Ai Mikaze (_ _Shouta_ _Aoi_ _)_


	6. Cold Calamity

Masato Hijirikawa

The night was bright but cold. Silver stars etched the black sky like frost and snow on black wood, glistening but freezing, eye-catching but undesirable to touch. With a cup of warm tea on the glass table, Masato sat back against the backrest of the long white couch, looking out the cold glass window, wondering what to write for his solo song. He had always found the irony of night skies interesting: even though they were illuminated by bright, scintillating stars, they would always give Masato a sense of coldness. Cold relief. Cold solace. Cold comfort. Or was it just him? Looking out at the towering buildings, he wondered if he could see the dance studio from where he was in the mansion, his face cupped by one hand. But he found himself more immersed in the beauty of the night, of how the late day made it seem so timeless and cold all at once.

_Timeless_ , Masato thought. A thought flashed inside his head like an ephemeral star and he frowned. _Speaking of time..._

He turned to face the grandfather clock and gasped softly at the time.

_Where is Shinomiya?_

Masato took his blue handphone from the table and checked his messages to Natsuki. The last time he saw Natsuki was back in the dance studio before the latter went to meet someone and everyone else went back to the dorms. Masato felt himself turn more grim as he saw that Natsuki had not read or replied any of his texts. Natsuki was usually quick to reply his texts, and the fact that he did only worried Masato even more. Growing more and more concerned as the seconds ticked by, Masato scrolled through his contacts and called Ranmaru, aware that he and the other members of Quartet Night had dance practice in the same area.

Thankfully, Ranmaru picked up almost instantaneously. "Yeah?"

"Kurosaki-san," Masato addressed the senior.

"Oh, it's you, Masato."

"I apologize for calling at this hour," Masato said, glancing at the grandfather clock, "but I need to ask if you have seen-"

"This is about Natsuki, right?"

Masato's eyes dilated. "How did you-"

"He collapsed, Masato."

Masato's heart froze. "What?"

"We found him on the sidewalk near where we practised," Ranmaru spoke, his voice quieter than usual, as though he was sympathising with Masato's struggle to process his words. "He was on his knees, clutching his head, crying, unable to stop shaking, Masato, before collapsing right before our eyes. Thank God Reiji had sharp eyes for once and yelled for the driver to stop the van."

"S-Shinomiya..." Masato couldn't help but stutter, "... collapsed? He... cried?"

"I'm sorry, kid. I knew it'd be hard for you to take."

Clenching his teeth in pain, Masato asked what he needed to know next. "Where is Shinomiya now?"

"He's at Reiji's place. Reiji's taking care of him for the night. Said that he had an idea what was going on with your friend." Ranmaru paused for a moment. "Look, Masato. I don't usually say this, and don't you ever go around telling anyone this came out of my mouth, but trust Reiji with Natsuki. He knows what he's doing and you could tell just by being there on that sidewalk that he really cares about Natsuki."

"Masato?" Masato looked up and saw Cecil slowly approaching him, yawning as he stretched his arms. "You're still awake? I thought you'd be sleeping by now."

"So don't beat yourself over it too much and just go to bed, Masato," Ranmaru spoke into his ear through the phone. "When Reiji updates me on Natsuki, you'll be the first one to hear it from me, got that? I'll be leaving now."

"Thank you, Kurosaki-san."

"Got it."

Ranmaru hung up.

"Was that Ranmaru-senpai?" Cecil asked, taking a seat next to Masato.

Without answering the brunette, Masato quietly broke the news to him. "Shinomiya collapsed, Aijima."

"What?" Cecil yelled, his eyes dilating in shock and horror.

As Masato shushed the panicking boy and began to explain what Ranmaru had told him, he wondered about how Natsuki was doing at Reiji's apartment. If Masato was to expect any of the four senpais to take care of Natsuki, it would definitely be Ai, who was the former's assigned mentor. But instead, it was Reiji, who had been assigned to Otoya and Tokiya. Placing a hand on a visibly-upset Cecil's shoulder, Masato assured him that Natsuki would be okay. That Reiji was going to make sure that their close friend would be fine. And Masato deeply hoped that Ranmaru was right. Not because he did not believe his mentor, but...

because Masato was unused to seeing Natsuki being anything but alright. Because if anything, it had always been Natsuki who made sure that everyone else was alright.

Natsuki Shinomiya

The lights were blinding him. They were white, yellow, red, pink, green, blue, purple, orange. All bright. Too bright. Natsuki stumbled off the stage, with Reiji supporting him by the arm, his head spinning like an uncontrollable tornado, the crowd's cheers too deafening, the agony amplifying across his entire body. He had thought that he could see the show through until the very end. He had thought that he would be able to hide all of his pain and keep smiling for everyone, even after messing a number of times in the songs that he had had to sing before the closing, including "Golden Star". But at the end, the agony was too much and he had resorted to doing what Reiji had told him to do and waved his yellow light stick with his left hand as a signal that the pain was unbearable, and the latter had immediately come to his aid and told the fans that they needed to go now, that there was a personal matter that they had to tend to.

"Easy there, Nattsun," Reiji muttered as they slowly went down the stairs, approaching the back of the stage. "Just take your time, alright? I'm right here."

Natsuki quietly nodded, wincing, his consciousness slowly slipping away like cold wind, but then suddenly, he heard a piercing scream ripple through the night that was supposed to be joyous. Glancing at each other in shock and terror, Reiji and Natsuki turned around and the latter's eyes dilated.

"N-No..."

The stage was now alight, colossal red and orange flames sizzling and burning everything down into ashes. Tears streaming down his face, Natsuki yelled out his friends' names and tried to make his way towards the burning stage, but Reiji gripped his arm tightly and shook his head.

"No, we can't go back, Nattsun," Reiji said, shaking his head with an anguished expression. "It's too late. The flames have already-"

Reiji's grey eyes dilated and he slumped forward, clutching his chest as crimson blood began to soak his white T-shirt. Crying out Reiji's name, Natsuki caught him in his arms and pleaded for him to stay alive, to get up, to not leave him. Reiji gritted his teeth in agony and tried to speak, but then his breath was caught in his throat and his eyes were dilated in horror, staring straight beyond Natsuki. Natsuki turned around and his heart froze as Satsuki, his alter ego, stepped closer, a silver gun in his hand, a dark smirk curled on his lips.

"Why...?" Natsuki half-whispered-half-asked, his voice trembling as tears ran down his face. "Why are you doing this? Why are you hurting everyone...?"

Satsuki simply let out an evil laugh and looked straight into Natsuki's eyes. "Don't be silly, Natsuki. How can you have no idea when this is all you? You and me. We are the ones doing this., for we are one. You are me and I am you, after all. It's always been this way."

Natsuki shook his head vigorously as Reiji coughed out blood. "No... how can I-"

"You are a destroyer, an assailant-"

"No-" Natsuki could feel Reiji's heartbeat growing fainter on his fingertips.

"A liability, a liar, a murderer-"

"I-" He could see Reiji's blood staining his white T-shirt.

"A monster-"

"No!"

Natsuki jolted up, his heart trembling and pulsating in his chest, cold sweat running down his back like the hot tears streaming down his face. He clutched his head tightly with both hands, trying to drown out the dark voice speaking at the back of his mind, unable to calm his racing heart down. Along with the dark voice, all that he could hear was the song from the video of Satsuki, blaring like a screaming siren, torturing him in the mind and the heart mercilessly, reminding Natsuki that he was a monster, that he had brought danger to and injured countless people while he was Satsuki. Choking on his sobs, he barely heard a door crash against the wall before a loud, worried voice rang out.

"Nattsun! Nattsun!"

In a flash, a pair of arms was wrapped tightly around him, and Natsuki's eyes widened in shock as tears slipped down his face, staring at the medium-length, wavy brown hair of the man that was hugging him.

"Rei...chan-senpai?" Natsuki managed to whisper despite his tears.

"Yes, Nattsun. It's me," Reiji assured him gently, rubbing him on the back. "It was just a dream, okay? It's going to be alright, Nattsun. I'm right here. If you need to cry, I'm here."

"It's n-not okay..." Natsuki sniffled, choking on his sobs, "if I... hurt... everyone-"

"No, Nattsun, you didn't hurt anybody, I'm sure of it."

"I'm just a burden-"

"No, you never were, Nattsun, and you aren't."

"I'm so sorry, Rei-chan-senp-"

"No, don't apologize, Nattsun." Reiji pulled away from Natsuki and held him on the shoulders. "Look at me, Nattsun. Whatever happened before, senpai knows that you did not hurt anybody. That you would never hurt anybody because you have a big, kind heart. You've always had an extremely kind heart and we all know that. I know that and I know you, Nattsun. You've always been so kind and selfless, even when it hurts you. Like when you kept performing even when you were sick. And how you fixed tea for all of us even when you were really tired and we told you that you didn't have to. Everyone was really grateful for that, even Myu-chan and Ran-Ran, even if they didn't really show it."

Natsuki laughed weakly. "I was really happy... when Myu-chan-senpai took more than five servings... of tea."

"See?" Reiji laughed heartily and rubbed Natsuki on the shoulder. "That's Myu-chan being grateful that you're with us. You care so much about us and we also care about you. You could never be a burden to us, no matter what, alright?"

Natsuki lowered his eyes, remembering what Ozrock had showed him on his laptop. "But Satsuki... You know what he did, right, senpai...?"

"Yeah, I know. Otoyan and Tokki's told me about it before." Natsuki expected Reiji to get mad, but instead, Reiji gave him a light smile and squeezed him on the shoulders. "But what he did doesn't define you, Nattsun. Always remember that. No matter what he did when he took control of your body, I will always be there for you. We all will, alright?"

"But Rei-chan-senpai, I-"

"No, really, Nattsun. It's okay." Reiji smiled, but his eyes were filled with pain and worry. "Now go back to sleep, okay? You collapsed earlier and are still having quite a bad fever, so you need a lot of rest. So we'll talk more in the morning, okay?"

Natsuki saw the deep worry and anguish in Reiji's grey eyes and slowly nodded, grateful that the latter was here for him and cared about him while a part of him was extremely guilty that he had collapsed and made Reiji worry so much.

"I'm so sorry, senpai," Natsuki whispered as Reiji helped him lay back down on the bed.

"No, Nattsun," Reiji said, shaking his head with a light smile. "You didn't do anything wrong, so don't apologize. Just go back to sleep and rest well, alright? I'll be right here."

Natsuki nodded with a faint smile and thanked Reiji, who laughed and tousled the former's blond hair. He closed his eyes and before he knew it, his fatigue had overwhelmed him and he had fallen into the realm of dreams again. But before he had completely fallen asleep, a last thought appeared inside his head and a tear slipped down his left cheek.

_I don't want... to see anyone... hurt._

Reiji Kotobuki

Reiji saw a tear run down Natsuki's cheek and he wiped it with a dry tissue and a sad smile on his face. He had been fixing green tea for himself to stay awake in case Natsuki woke up when he heard the younger boy let out an excruciating yell from the guest room of the apartment, causing the former to hurry into the room as fast as he could. Reiji pulled the blue comforter upto Natsuki's chest before taking a seat on a wooden chair and observing the latter's sleeping figure.

That was one of the most excruciating moments that Reiji had ever had in his life.

To see the bright, cheerful and kind-hearted Natsuki that shattered, choking on his sobs as he blamed himself, apologized to him, called himself a burden... deeply wrenched Reiji's heart. Never in Reiji's life did he ever expect Natsuki to break down like that, to tremble and cry in his arms the way he just did. Reiji knew that Natsuki hid so much pain and sorrow from everyone behind a bright smile, suffered so much on his own just to make sure that they all could smile and laugh, but he had not expected everything to come crashing down like this, to see Natsuki that vulnerable and broken before his very eyes. Gently tousling Natsuki's blond hair, Reiji mentally replayed the excruciating scene, recalling the words that the former had told him.

_"But Satsuki... You know what he did, right, senpai...?"_

Reiji knew about Satsuki. He knew that Satsuki was Natsuki's alter ego and that he would appear whenever the latter took his glasses off, and would wreck havoc and create chaos, even going as far as injuring innocent bystanders and the other Starish members. But Reiji knew as well as the other Starish and Quartet Night members that Satsuki and Natsuki were completely different people, that the latter would never try and hurt anyone. But whoever brought the truth crashing down onto Natsuki had broken his soul and made him think that he was responsible for his alter ego's actions, that he was a burden and had hurt so many people, as far as Reiji could tell from Natsuki's tearful words.

And whoever it was... disgusted and angered Reiji.

Reiji could feel his emotions darken, but he did not mind or care.

And Reiji would make _**dead**_ sure that they paid.

Natsuki coughed in his sleep and snapped out of his dark thoughts, Reiji lowered his eyes, knowing that the younger boy had suffered too much, wishing that he could sleep soundly and wake up with his signature bright smile that warmed the latter's heart each and every day. But Reiji knew that that was wishful thinking. That it was very unlikely, given how much agony and anguish Natsuki had suffered this whole time. And even if Natsuki did try to smile as brightly as he usually did, Reiji would easily be able to see through it and notice the pain that he was trying to conceal. Because Reiji had done it countless of times, both in front of everyone and alone in front of a mirror, deeply aware of the contrast of what they saw and what he saw on his face. His cheerful exterior, bright smile and laughter had been practised and perfected enough to fool everyone, even his friends, even when all that he wanted to do was scream and break down into tears. But while standing in front of the mirror, he would always be reminded that he could not fool himself or his own heart. Reiji got up from the chair and quietly stepped towards the tall mirror near the bed and stared at his own reflection.

He didn't see a happy, carefree young man.

He saw a man with fatigue and worry marred on his features. He saw the agony glimmering in his grey eyes, the pain in his faint smile, a failed attempt to convince himself that he and Natsuki would be okay. Sighing softly, Reiji heard Natsuki's soft breathing and tried to smile, hoping that it meant that the latter was sleeping soundly with dreams that could make him smile, and walked out of the room to get his green tea. And somehow the smile that his lips formed felt more relieving than it normally did, much to Reiji's surprise.

_It's strange, really._

Reiji let out a quiet laugh as he glanced at Natsuki one last time. Natsuki's lips were now curved into a serene smile.

_Somehow the night isn't as cold when you're here, Nattsun._

Natsuki Shinomiya

_"You are a monster."_

_No..._

_"A liability."_

_I am not-_

_"A total, utter burden. Someone who can only hurt others with his existence-"_

_Stop!_

Natsuki shot up from his sleep, his eyes flying open with tears falling from his face, his body, heart and mind throbbing as sweat ran down his back. His vision was blurred by warm tears and he rubbed his eyes with his sleeve, letting out a few quiet sobs. Why couldn't the thoughts stop torturing him? Why did he have to wake up to a brand new day with tears running down his face when he was supposed to be smiling brightly? Taking a deep breath, although the events of the previous night coldly answered his questions, Natsuki blinked a few times and reached up to rub his aching head, only to find himself touching what he realized was an ice pack. That was when he took a vivid look around his surroundings and remembered.

He was at Reiji's place.

The ceiling was white with fluorescent lamps that nearly blinded Natsuki's eyes, but he slowly adjusted to them. The walls of what Natsuki guessed was the guest room were painted a serene light azure, which deeply contrasted the emotions of Natsuki's aching heart, and the pillows were white and the comforter had blue flower imprints. The air felt rather cool and looking down at himself, he realized that Reiji had changed his clothes into a simple white T-shirt and loose red knee-length shorts. Even though his heart was still wrenched with deep agony that could not seem to heal completely, he could feel it swell with gratefulness towards Reiji, thankful that he had found him and let him stay at his place.

Just then, the door flung open and in reflex, Natsuki turned to its direction, only to find Reiji at the doorway with a cheerful grin on his face.

"Good morning, Nattsun!"

Natsuki smiled back at his senpai. "Good morning, Rei-chan-senpai."

"I brought you some hot water," Reiji said as he approached the bed and gave a large green mug to Natsuki.

Natsuki took it with a warm heart. "Thank you, senpai."

"Of course, Nattsun." Reiji's smile brightened and ruffled Natsuki's messy hair as he took a seat on a wooden chair by the bed. "You feeling better now?"

"Yeah," Natsuki answered with a light smile, "I am because you took really good care of me last night." He felt guilt well up inside of me and he looked down. "Sorry for being a bother, senpai."

"No, not at all, Nattsun!" Reiji exclaimed, shaking his head vigorously. "You aren't a bother at all! Besides, I was the one who volunteered myself to take care of you for the night because I wanted to, Nattsun, so it was my choice in the first place."

"But you look really tired, though, senpai," Natsuki quietly pointed out, noticing the dark eye bags that shadowed the skin below Reiji's kind grey eyes. Natsuki paused for a moment. "You stayed up all night to take care of me, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but that was all my choice, Nattsun." Reiji rubbed Natsuki gently on the shoulder. "I did what I did because I care about you. Because it hurt me seeing the way you cried, the way you thought of yourself as a burden."

"But I am a bur-"

"Don't say that, Nattsun." Reiji stopped him, his lips forming a pained smile as he squeezed Natsuki's shoulder tightly. "Or I will tell you that you aren't over and over again until you stop, no matter how many times it takes." Reiji paused for a moment before speaking again. "Now drink your water before it gets cold and I'll get your medicine and take your temperature afterwards. And then during breakfast, we can talk about what happened last night like I promised you, alright? But please do not blame yourself. It hurts me more than you can imagine when you mean so much to me, Nattsun."

Natsuki lowered his eyes in guilt, the agony in Reiji's eyes stabbing his heart like knives. "I'm really sorry, senpai. I never meant to hurt you."

"It's okay, Nattsun, I know." Reiji pulled himself up and gave Natsuki a faint smile before squeezing his shoulder one last time. "Now I'll go and grab your medicine and the thermometer, alright? I'll be back soon."

Reiji was walking towards the door when a thought crossed Natsuki's head and he called out to him. "Rei-chan-senpai?"

Reiji immediately turned around. "Yes, Nattsun?"

"Uh... you haven't had breakfast yet?"

"No, I have not, Nattsun," Reiji answered, rubbing his head sheepishly. "I was waiting for you so that we could have breakfast together."

At the sound of Reiji's words, Natsuki could feel warmth shrouding his heart and he smiled brightly. "Thank you, Rei-chan-senpai. I'm happy to have breakfast together with you."

Reiji's eyes widened for a moment before his expression softened and he let out a laugh. "Come on, it's just breakfast together and you already look so happy. What's up with that?"

Natsuki could feel cheeks swelling with blood as he looked down with a shy smile. "It just makes me really happy to have meals with those that I care about. I really like talking and eating in one table while smiling and laughing. The idea of that... just warms my heart."

Natsuki heard Reiji's hearty laugh and looked up, only to find the senior smiling warmly at him.

"Keep smiling like that, alright, Nattsun?"

Natsuki's eyes widened in pure surprise, but Reiji merely laughed again before leaving the room to go and get the thermometer and medicine for him. Although a part of him was confused by Reiji's words, Natsuki felt that his heart was beating slower now and was more at ease, revelling in a newly-found warmth, and he clutched it and welcomed the feeling with a light smile.

Reiji Kotobuki

Outside of the guest room, Reiji glanced at the door to the guest room as he walked towards his bedroom to get the thermometer and medicine for Natsuki. It was actually the first time that Reiji had ever had a guest at his house, now that he thought about it. Once he was in his bedroom, he searched through his drawers while his head was filled with a flood of thoughts. He was used to having breakfast alone, to cooking for himself whether it was instant ramen or some toast with bacons and eggs, scrolling through his phone or listening to music. It was strange, though, having someone other than himself here after so long.

Before he knew it, his lips had curved into a small smile and his heart was light.

Although he chose to live on his own in order to be able to drop the act of being a cheerful, bright personality even when he wasn't truly happy, somehow he enjoyed having Natsuki here more than he thought he would.

_"I really like talking and eating at one table while smiling and laughing. The idea of that... just warms my heart."_

And although Reiji just realized it now, he had been entirely truthful about his feelings and opinions to Natsuki, not once feigning a bright smile to conceal a hint of dark emotions. He shook his head in confusion, unsure of what was going on with him or what really prompted this inconsistency in his behaviour, but Reiji smiled as he had found what he was searching for and headed back to the guest room.

_Looking forward to my first breakfast together here with you, Nattsun._

_"Why is it that you're the only one_

_I cannot deceive...?"_

_\- Tsukiakari no Dearest,_ _by Ai Mikaze (Shouta_ _Aoi_ _) and Camus (Maeno Tomoaki)_


	7. Your Voice

Ai Mikaze

Ai let out a quiet sigh as he walked along the corridor of Shining Academy.

Shadows of the curtains billowing in the warm air darkened the floor and Ai barely noticed the white pigeon soaring past the tall glass window even though he was usually one of the most observant. Shining Saotome had requested for all the Starish and Quartet Night members other than Reiji and Natsuki to congregate in his office at 9 a.m. sharp and it was, according to Ai's cellphone, 8:33 a.m.. Looking down at the bright screen, Ai tapped his finger a few times and accessed the Quartet Night groupchat that Reiji had pleaded them to join when they first became a group.

_The situation's worse than expected, isn't it... Reiji?_

Reiji had sent the first messages at 2:14 a.m., announcing that Natsuki had regained consciousness. Ai had coincidentally been awake, lost in his thoughts when his cellphone vibrated and indicated that there were new texts from Reiji. However, Ai had not expected Camus and Ranmaru who had the unique ability to fall asleep anywhere at any time to be awake too.

 **Ranmaru:** Thank God he's gotten up

 **Camus:** Indeed

 **Ai:** Yeah. What happened was quite alarming.

 **Reiji:** WAIT YOU GUYS ARE ALL STILL AWAKE?

 **Ranmaru:** Tch obviously

 **Camus:** Your sudden texts made me nearly spill my condensed milk, you fool

 **Reiji:** THAT'S NOT MY FAULTTTTTT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SHOULDN'T BE HAVING SWEETS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT MYUUUUUU

 **Camus:** Are you insulting my habits now, mortal?

 **Ai:** Back to the topic. How is Natsuki's condition, Reiji?

Ai remembered the long pause that came after he had asked that question. Camus and Ranmaru proceeded to spam Reiji with text messages like "Woi" and "Answer us, you fool," but Ai did not press Reiji. Even with the complications regarding whether what he could feel in his hollow chest were actual emotions or not, Ai had a dreadful hunch that Reiji was hesitating because something horrific had occurred, especially since the latter usually replied almost immediately after he received texts, like Natsuki did. When Reiji finally gave him a reply, Ai's eyes widened and he felt like he had been struck on the gut.

 **Reiji:** His fever has gone down, but to be completely honest... he's extremely wrecked, guys. Even worse than you're probably thinking. He was crying, breaking, calling himself a burden and thinking that all he does is hurt everyone. It's even worse than what you saw when we found him on the sidewalk. I could see it in his eyes, guys - Nattsun's... been broken so badly, broken even more than I thought. And whoever did it told him about Satsuki and ripped him apart by using that. If you guys had been here... God, it just makes me almost wanna cry thinking about it. If you guys were here... your hearts would be breaking.

When he noticed that the office was about 10 steps away, Ai slipped his cellphone back into his pocket, knowing that if Ranmaru or Camus mentioned Reiji's updates, the Starish members would 100% be demanding and pleading him to show them the chat, and Ai was not about to willingly lend them his cellphone. Feeling the portable gadget bump around in his jeans' pocket, Ai recalled how none of the boys had been able to respond to Reiji's long text immediately, including himself. It took 5 minutes and 3 seconds for Ranmaru to ask Reiji about Satsuki, Natsuki's alter ego, and Ai remembered staring quietly at the ongoing conversation, unable to say a word. Ai had grown accustomed to Natsuki's usual personality; kind-hearted, cheerful, energetic and glowing with a contagious brightness. Annoying at times, yes, but that was mostly Ai not entirely adjusting to his colourful personality that deeply contrasted Ai's, which he had once heard been described as "monotone." Ai would not say that he and Natsuki were friends, like how the members of Quartet Night were definitely not, but the thought of the latter breaking down and in a state of chaos, anguish and deep sadness sent a sharp pain through Ai's chest and he clutched it in front of the door to the office, stopping in his tracks.

_Why... does my chest hurt?_

At that moment, the door flung open and Ai quickly regained his composure, placing his hands by his side. Tokiya stood in the doorway, his eyes widening when he saw Ai standing there.

"Mikaze-senpai."

"Tokiya," Ai addressed the Starish member, his tone even.

"Wait, is that Ai?"

Syo's yell could be heard and Ai looked past Tokiya, only to find Syo and the other Starish members dashing towards him with yells and exclaims of shock. Ai inwardly sighed, already predicting what was about to come, but he heard footsteps behind him and turned around, only to find Ranmaru, Camus and a grinning Shining Saotome approaching the office. Ai mentally sighed with relief over the fact that he did not have to deal with six Starish members alone as Shining Saotome's grin widened at the sight of all 9 idols present early.

"Good timing! Let's start the meeting, shall we?"

...

"And that's everything that Kotobuki has told me."

"N... Natsuki..."

"Shinomi..."

Ai quietly observed as the Starish members slowly reacted to the information that Reiji had provided regarding Natsuki. Syo's fists were clenched and his head was hung. Ren shook his head and sighed heavily, pain flashing in his eyes, as Masato and Cecil looked down at the ground, their expressions filled with anguish. Otoya was blaming himself, wishing that he'd stayed back and been there for Natsuki that night, and Tokiya, one of the most stoic members of Starish, was consoling him, saying that none of them could have known what was about to happen when they left Natsuki for home. Ai could sense the grief and anguish radiating from the normally-cheerful group and his mind wondered that if they were already this upset receiving the news, how would they react if they had been on the sidewalk that night, with Natsuki broken down and suffering the way he had. The images of tears running down Natsuki's face and Reiji running down the street and pulling the younger boy into his arms sent pain stabbing through Ai's chest and he resisted the urge to place a hand over his chest like he usually did when the "emotions" that he wasn't sure were even emotions came into his empty chest.

Instead, he merely glanced at Ranmaru and Camus, who did not utter a single syllable and only watched the upset Starish members. If Ai, who did not have a heart, could sense the Starish members' grief, Ranmaru and Camus definitely did, and probably more acutely than Ai did, and he could see from their silence and softer expressions that they sympathised with the six younger boys. To be honest, Ai couldn't help but be slightly jealous that they could feel what Ai wasn't sure was even real when it came to himself.

"I'm sorry, boys. I knew it would be difficult to take."

Shining Saotome spoke more quietly than usual, looking around at all the boys inside the office.

"That's why I called a meeting. To make sure that you'd all be alright."

"Sensei."

Masato, whose arm was wrapped around a sorrowful Cecil, faced the senior.

"Can we go and visit Shinomiya in Kotobuki-senpai's residence? We all want to be there for our best friend and assure him that he's not a burden, that he will always be one of us and that what his alter ego did does not define who he is." Masato lowered his eyes, agony vivid in his blue eyes. "The truth is, we've never seen him like this and it worries us greatly. So please let us see him."

"You may, but in a few days' time."

"Why not today?" Otoya asked, his face falling.

"I told you that Mr Shinomiya discovered his alter ego and his actions," Shining Saotome explained, "so he must have connected the dots by now and realized that his bandmates have been the ones dealing with Satsuki and got injured when they tried to revert him back to normal. So seeing you when he is still at the early stages of recovery will only cause him to break down even more and you all don't want that, right?"

None of them said a word, with Otoya lowering his eyes and Ren patting the redhead on the back.

"However, I will send one person to go and check on Mr Shinomiya and Mr Kotobuki and report their conditions to me."

Shining Saotome scanned the room and his eyes lit up when they met Ai's.

"You do not mind, right, Mr Mikaze?"

Ai's eyes widened in surprise. "Me?"

"You're Mr Shinomiya's assigned mentor and the most perceptive when it comes to remembering and noticing details, so you'd be the best person to go and check on the two boys. But most of all..."

Shining Saotome looked Ai in the eye deeply.

"You care about Mr Shinomiya, right?"

Shock struck Ai on the chest at the sudden question. _Do I care about Natsuki?_ Natsuki had been assigned to Ai along with Syo from their very 1st encounter and Ai had been generally fine with him. Although Ai sometimes got annoyed by his cheerful personality, Natsuki was polite, obedient, kind, caring and definitely overflowing with emotion. There were times when Ai found himself studying Natsuki to try and see how emotions worked as he seemed to be abundant of it and was always so genuine, but it often left Ai with more questions than answers. However, Ai was unsure if he could say that he actually cared about Natsuki. The reason was that caring required true, raw emotions, according to Ai's observations and research, and Ai doubted that he had any of it, even with the pain that occasionally seized his chest, due to his absence of a heart. But his instinct told him that Shining Saotome wanted an answer, so Ai looked straight at him and said:

"Yes."

Even though Ai was not confident about his answer and hid his uncertainty behind his calm voice, he felt something well up inside of his chest. It felt strangely... warm, and a part of him told him that it wasn't something that came when you told a lie, but spoke an important truth. Although Ai was internally conflicted, Shining Saotome's smile brightened at his answer and he proceeded to tell Starish the changes in their schedules and that they would be contacted once Shining Saotome received the details from Ai. He also told Ai that one of the Starish members would give him Natsuki's belongings to bring to Reiji's apartment and that he would inform both Reiji and Natsuki that he would be visiting and checking on them. After 26 more minutes of discussion and questions and answers, everyone proceeded to leave. However, before Ai left behind Ranmaru, a voice called him.

"Mr Mikaze."

"Yes?" Ai asked, facing Shining Saotome.

Shining Saotome beamed at Ai, much to the latter's confusion.

"That was a heartful, honest answer."

Ai's eyes widened slightly, but he only gave Shining Saotome a brief nod before leaving the office and closing the door shut behind him.

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Thank you for the food, Rei-chan-senpai!"

"No problem, Nattsun!"

Reiji took a seat across from Natsuki and smiled brightly at the boy.

"Eat up, Nattsun."

"Thank you, senpai!" Natsuki cried before starting to eat, and Reiji laughed and nodded. Natsuki hadn't been able to hold himself back from staring in awe when Reiji set the food down on the table. Reiji had cooked omelets rice with curry and made hot chocolate for breakfast. Natsuki had offered to help make the hot chocolate, but Reiji had given him an assuring smile and told him that he was still sick and needed to rest, although the latter thanked him for the offer. Natsuki slowly ate his meal, not wanting to upset his stomach, which had constricted with nausea each time the images of that broken, horrific night flickered inside his head like ghosts coming and going as they pleased, haunting him mercilessly. Ozrock's laugh echoed inside Natsuki's head and he flinched, trying to push the cold cameraman out of his head.

 _"You're a_ **monster** _."_

"Nattsun?"

Instantly, Natsuki was yanked out his thoughts and he faced Reiji, who was staring at him with sheer worry vivid in his grey eyes.

"Are you okay?"

Not wanting Reiji to worry, Natsuki did his best to smile and nodded. "I'll be fine, senpai."

Reiji lowered his eyes, not saying anything for a moment.

"Please don't say that."

Natsuki's eyes widened in confusion. "Huh?"

"The words 'I'll be fine' tell me that you are trying to be optimistic even when you are in pain and you are forcing yourself to assure others that it's not a problem, that you can handle it yourself. But I can see it in your eyes - I've seen it so many times - that you force yourself to be optimistic in order to make the people around you happy, but end up sacrificing yourself and enduring the pain on your own."

Reiji set his utensils down and shook his head.

"I'm saying this not only as your friend, but also as someone who has done the same thing over and over again. As someone who puts on the best smile in front of everyone when his world is falling apart. As someone who has done all that and still does it and feels like a complete hypocrite by telling someone he cares about not to do it." Reiji looked up and gave Natsuki a pained smile. "I know what it's like, how much it hurts, and I don't ever want you to suffer the same way, Nattsun, not ever. So even if you feel like you can't talk about it with the rest of Starish or anyone else, at least, please talk to me. Don't keep trying to be optimistic for others when it only breaks you, Nattsun. It hurts me too, seeing you so hurt."

Natsuki lowered his eyes, guilt and agony stabbing his heart like a knife. _Senpai._ He never meant to hurt anybody. He never wanted to hurt anyone, especially his closest friends, which included Reiji. All this time, he had been trying his best to stay strong despite his flaws and weaknesses, smile despite the agony that he often hid deep inside of him, and make others smile even if he felt like he was about to cry. But he never expected it to affect and hurt Reiji like this, and it broke Natsuki's heart seeing his senpai's normally-blithe grey eyes glimmering with anguish for him. The emotions surged inside of him as nausea wrenched his insides and he felt like he was about to cry as a dark voice began to overshadow his grief.

_"See? Look at what you've done to him."_

Natsuki flinched as he tried to drown the voice in his head, only for it to amplify.

_"When will you stop being a burden to others?"_

"S-Stop..." Natsuki whispered, his throat constricting with nausea as he gripped his head with his left hand, his teeth clenching in pain.

_"Loser."_

_"Coward."_

_"Burden."_

_"I wonder why Shining Saotome and the other six have not tossed you out of the group yet. Even the fans already hate you. Imagine if the footage of the Hayato concert came out. You're done for."_

"That... wasn't... m-me," Natsuki uttered, his voice trembling. He felt a hand take ahold of his shoulder and his eyes dart over to Reiji, whose had gotten up from his seat and was saying something with a worried expression. But Natsuki could not hear what he was saying as the voice continued without a shred of compassion.

_"How about you just quit? To spare everyone the trouble?"_

"N-No..."

_"Because you being here will only upset others and that will not change."_

"That's... not-"

_"You are a-"_

"No..."

_"-monster."_

"I am n-"

_"You will only keep hurting everyone-"_

That was when Natsuki clamped a hand over his mouth and rushed towards the nearest bathroom, yanking himself off Reiji. He could hear the latter calling out to him with urgency and worry in his voice, but Natsuki couldn't answer, not when he was about to throw up. His head was spinning as cold laughter blended with Ozorck's voice rang inside his head and he felt tears stinging in his eyes as he dropped down to his knees and began puking into the toilet bowl, the nausea and agony too overwhelming for him to restrain any longer. He vomited and vomited, choking on his sobs as his chest rose and fell unsteadily and a thousand thoughts flooded his head like a thousand crying ghosts, staring him down, judging him.

_It hurts... It hurts so much..._

"It's alright, Nattsun. Just let it all out."

Natsuki could feel a calloused hand rub his back gently as Reiji spoke quietly, the latter's voice soft but seeping with anguish.

"You'll be fine, senpai promises you. Just take a deep breath and calm your heart down, alright?"

Natsuki sniffled as he stared down at the toilet bowl, attempting to soothe his agonized heart as he tried to speak. "Rei-chan-senpai, I-"

"We'll talk about it later, Nattsun. For now, I need you to focus on calming yourself down and taking it easy. Don't let the thoughts or voices in your head overwhelm you. Just focus on my voice and try and think of something that makes you happy, okay? Take a deep breath and focus on my voice, Nattsun."

Natsuki could feel Reiji squeeze him on the shoulder gently and his heartbeat was starting to slow down.

"You'll be okay."

Natsuki shakily nodded and inhaled and exhaled as he tried to think of something that made him happy, that made him smile, all while focusing on Reiji's voice and the words "You'll be okay." Natsuki remembered a time when he cooked dinner for all of Starish. He had made a rendition of spicy and sour soup and although his bandmates, besides Ren, were usually either afraid or nervous when it came to his cooking, this time they had been in awe when they saw the large bowl of soup sitting at the centre of the table.

"Wow, Natsuki!" Otoya exclaimed, his eyes sparkling. "It looks really good!"

"Thank you, Otoya-kun!" Natsuki said, smiling brightly.

Natsuki remembered how the dinner had been lively and warm, with all seven of them sitting together, laughing, smiling and joking around, with Syo protesting when Ren called him "short" again and Natsuki lifting him up from his seat and everyone else laughing. The memories of his friends smiling so radiantly shrouded Natsuki's heart with warmth and he slowly pulled away from the toilet bowl and faced Reiji, who gave him a faint smile and rubbed him on the back before helping him up and saying that he would bring him back to the guest room to lie down. Natsuki nodded with a weak smile and Reiji proceeded to pull him up and help him walk to the guest room, with Natsuki's arm wrapped around his shoulder. Natsuki was on the verge of collapsing, with his head spinning from his light-headedness, but he still tried to use every bit of his strength to focus on Reiji's voice and the bright memories that gave him hope, that had kept him going this whole time.

Reiji carefully laid him down on the bed and tucked him in, saying that he would be back with the medicine and some warm water, but the moment he left, the remainder of that memory that he had been focusing on sharpened inside his head and Natsuki winced. Natsuki had noticed flashes of weird expressions on his friends' faces. He had asked them what was wrong, but they assured him that it was nothing. Natsuki had left to go to the restroom for awhile and when he came back, everyone was done eating besides Ren. Natsuki had initially thought that they had finished everything, but when he went out to take out the trash, he saw it. Heaps of rice had been soaked in the spicy and sour soup along with the side dishes that Natsuki had made, all laying down on top of the piles of rubbish that had been accumulated in the bin. Natsuki's heart cracked when the truth slammed against him like a cold tidal wave, but he forced himself to smile and placed the plastic bag near the other bags before heading back to the dorms, where he locked himself in the bathroom and cried. He hadn't cooked for his band members ever since, and he would occasionally notice the looks of relief on their faces, especially Syo and Otoya's, with the exception of Ren's. And now as he laid on the bed waiting for Reiji to come back, Natsuki felt a warm tear run down his cheek at the cold memory that was formerly warm, at the agony that laced his heartbeat, at how he had hid it all until he could not take it anymore and broke down when he was on his own.

_It... will be..._

His vision blurred with the fatigue, the pain and his tears and with a lack of restraint, Natsuki felt his eyes slowly fall into a close and he did not fight it. He could not. But the last thing that his mind strained to focus on was Reiji's words and how assuring they had been to Natsuki.

_"It'll be alright, Nattsun."_

_But... how..._

However, before he could finish the thought, he succumbed to his fatigue and agony and fell asleep.

Reiji Kotobuki

Reiji stood near the bed on which Natsuki was sleeping and looked down with pain etched in his heart.

 _It's because of what I said_ , Reiji lowered his eyes, _isn't it?_

Natsuki had still been able to snap out of his thoughts when Reiji first saw him wince sitting across from him at the table. However, after Reiji told Natsuki his honest thoughts and expressed his pain, the latter struggled against the thoughts in his head even more, up until the point that he threw up and could hardly pull himself together with tears falling down his face. With thorns of guilt prickling his heart, Reiji gently ruffled Natsuki's hair and smiled painfully. He had only wanted to be honest with the boy, to tell him that he did not need to keep the pain within himself all the time, that Reiji did not want him to suffer the same way he had always been. But now he could see the truth that his words had inadvertently triggered Natsuki's torturing thoughts again and agonized the latter even more, and that was the last thing that Reiji wanted.

"I'm sorry... Nattsun," Reiji muttered, his hand remaining on Natsuki's golden hair. "Senpai only wanted you to be happy..."

Reiji could not lie; that was the first time that he had expressed those feelings to anybody. To Reiji, Natsuki had a unique aura radiating within him that assured him that he could be honest and open to him. No masks, no lies, no pretence of fake happiness or forced smiles. That Natsuki was not going to judge with even the slightest thought and would listen with open ears and most of all, a sincere, open heart. But it appeared that Reiji had chosen what was possibly the worst time possible as Natsuki ended up suffering even more because of the former's decision to express his feelings so suddenly. Or perhaps that wasn't it. Perhaps the thoughts that Reiji had kept locked up inside of him for years were never meant to be exposed to anyone else, that they were preordained to hurt whoever Reiji spoke to them about. And the person that Reiji had spoken them out to was none other than Natsuki, who would have hidden his pain until the very end if it meant keeping his friends happy. Reiji felt tears welling up inside of him, but they did not fall. He did not deserve to cry. Not when he'd just hurt Natsuki so deeply. Not when his hypocrisy had led to someone else's pain.

_I'm so, so sorry, Nattsun..._

His cellphone vibrated in his pocket and Reiji took it out, only to discover text messages from Shining Saotome. Sighing, Reiji opened the chatbox and silently read what the senior had to say. Shining Saotome told him that in a few hours, Ai would come to the apartment to check on both Natsuki and Reiji, bringing the former's belongings with him. He also said that Reiji did not have to come to practice until he was sure that Natsuki was all better, which Reiji knew was definitely not the case, and that Reiji did not have to worry as Natsuki was the main priority, a fact that Reiji whole-heartedly agreed with.

"So Ai-Ai is coming over later..." Reiji muttered under his breath.

_"Take care of Natsuki well, okay?"_

Reiji remembered how surprised he had been when the usually-stoic boy had told him those words just as he was leaving the van on the night they found Natsuki on the sidewalk in tears. Ai normally appeared to be emotionless and indifferent, but Reiji was certain that the younger boy cared deep down inside of him. So when Ai said those words, a part of Reiji had been shrouded with warmth amidst his pain for Natsuki. But remembering those words right now, Reiji wondered if he'd already failed both Natsuki and Ai when it'd just been less than one day.

Shaking his head, Reiji texted Shining Saotome back and smiled bitterly at his own failures to do what he wished he could do: protect those he cared about from being hurt.

_"Wanting to change, unable to change_

_Farewell, my heart..."_

_\- "Promise to Sirius",_ _by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kishou Taniyama)_


	8. Your Words

Ai Mikaze

Ai gazed out of the glass window, staring at the clear autumn blue sky. He was the only passenger on Quartet Night's white van, on the way to Reiji's apartment, which, according to his calculations, he would arrive in front of in approximately 6-7 minutes. The occasional swaying of the van reminded Ai of mood swings, of how the emotions of human beings could be extremely unpredictable and had the ability to flicker and switch from one to another, like a pendulum.

_Unpredictable_ , Ai thought, the word ringing inside his head. _Like Natsuki and Reiji._

Ai looked down at his empty chest.

_And the 2nd most unreadable_ _Starish_ _member... Masato Hijirikawa._

_"So here are Shinomiya's duffel and luggage bags packed by Ittoki, Kurusu and myself, all filled with his personal belongings."_

Masato handed the bags to Ai, who lifted the luggage bag with his left hand and slung the duffel bag over his right shoulder. They were in front of the towering black gates to Shining Academy. Camus and Ranmaru were having dance practice in the dance studio, while Ai had stopped by Shining Academy to pick up Natsuki's belongings. Ai nodded briefly and thanked Masato and stepped up onto the white van with Natsuki's belongings in his possession.

"Mikaze-senpai."

Ai turned to Masato. "Yes?"

Masato gave him a small smile. "Thank you for helping Shinomiya last night."

Ai shook his head. "That was mostly Reiji."

"But Kurosaki-san told me that all of you got out of the van and were concerned about Shinomiya, and I am grateful for that."

Masato smiled lightly.

"So thank you, Mikaze-senpai, for being there for him."

" _Being there for him"..._

Ai replayed the 4 words inside his head and lowered his eyes. That particular action was also meant to involve emotions and Masato had stated that Ai, who did not have the human heart necessary to contain any true emotion, had been there for Natsuki last night along with the rest of Quartet Night. Ai remembered simply nodding and saying bye to the Starish member afterwards, before taking a seat in the van and leaving Shining Academy. Masato could be the most seemingly-calm and stoic person in one moment and say kind, sincere words that warmed others' hearts in another. Knowing that he was the only passenger in the van and the driver was busy, Ai placed a hand over his empty chest, in which he had detected a strange tinge of something that he could not seem to describe while thinking about Masato's words, when one particular word that he could not comprehend appeared inside his head.

_Warm..._

"We're almost there, Mikaze-san."

"Okay."

Ai nodded and looked out the front window. Less than 1 minute left until their arrival at the destination. But Ai was not as interested in the calculations or the time nearly as much as he was in what he had failed to comprehend from time to time: the fact that his chest, which was supposed to be hollow, had been having certain things that could have easily been classified as emotions, if not for Ai's status as a non-human being. Pain. Strangeness. Sorrow. Especially pain. And the events of last night had only made the unexplained occurrences even more frequent, and Natsuki and Reiji had been especially involved in doing just that. As the van pulled over to a stop in front of Reiji's apartment, Ai got up, took Natsuki's bags, and walked down the aisle, images of the two boys pulsating in his head like the heartbeat that he could never own, that he was never meant to have. Although Ai could not exactly call those two "friends" or say for certain that he cared about either of them despite Shining Saotome's words, he did find himself hoping deep inside of him that they were doing fine.

And that, Ai knew, was sincere.

Natsuki Shinomiya

Natsuki was running. Running in the pitch darkness. Running away from someone who was chasing him, who claimed that he was to be locked away, that he was a monster, that he did not deserve to be loved or held by anybody. Tears ran down Natsuki's face and made nearly-inaudible ripples on the floor that Natsuki knew was cold, like the person following him, like the voice in his head telling him that it was useless. That he should give up. That no one would take him in. But Natsuki strained to focus on another voice inside his head. A warm, genuine voice with kind, assuring words. Someone who had held him on the shoulder and told him that he would be okay. And Natsuki wanted to find him amidst this dark place and hold onto him, to ask if he could save him.

"Senpai!" Natsuki cried out. "Rei-chan-senpai!"

At that moment, a pang of agony struck him from behind and he slammed onto the cold floor, his lips curving into a painful wince. Natsuki looked up and his eyes dilated in tears at the sight of all of the Starish members laying on the ground, unmoving, bruises and wounds all over their bodies, no longer breathing. Shaking his head while trembling, Natsuki tried to get up, but he was only struck even harder and he crashed onto the ground, crumpled. Images proceeded to flash inside his head like cold lights and he saw all of Quartet Night on a stage filled with ashes and broken instruments and Natsuki only felt his heart break even more at the sight of Ranmaru slumped against the wall, his bass guitar snapped into half; Camus' body charred and tortured with burn marks; and Ai coughing out blood as he convulsed on the burned stage. And then there was Reiji. Reiji, who had told Natsuki at the breakfast table that it hurt him seeing Natsuki hurt. Reiji, who was holding Ai in his arms, tears streaming down his face as he desperately pleaded the latter to hold on, that help was on the way, to stay strong, to stay with him. Natsuki could feel more tears running down his face at the sight of his friend's broken eyes and tears, at the aftermath of what his own alter ego had done.

"You did all of this."

Natsuki glanced around, trying to look for the source of the voice, but he was only slammed against the ground.

"You killed them. You made them all suffer while remaining oblivious about what you've done."

Natsuki tried to speak, but his head felt a cold fist make contact with it and he clutched it tightly, gritting his teeth.

"And they all said that you were a kind person..."

He heard footsteps near him, getting softer and softer as the time passed by. Shaking his head, Natsuki forced himself up and ran in the direction of the footsteps, hoping to prove the person wrong about him. Hoping to convince them that he did not do any of it. That he would never try to hurt, let alone kill, anyone. Crying out into the darkness, Natsuki felt a few hands shove him from behind, but he regained his balance and kept on running, his thoughts a distortion of voices and chaos. However, he was shoved again and he fell, and this time, it was not onto the cold floor.

It was into black darkness where no one noticed his tears.

Ai Mikaze

"So Natsuki has not had his lunch?"

"Nope."

Reiji shook his head and gave Ai a sorrowful smile.

"He collapsed on the bed right after he puked in the bathroom."

Ai quietly nodded and shifted his eyes back to the sleeping Natsuki. He and Reiji sat beside each other by the bed, observing as Natsuki slept soundly, his chest rising and falling at a normal, steady rate. Ai glanced at Reiji, whose grey eyes remained on Natsuki, an expression of sorrow and guilt on his face. The moment Reiji opened the door to let him into the apartment, Ai could see the agony glimmering in his normally-cheerful eyes. Ai automatically inquired if something had happened and that was when Reiji told him about what had happened in the morning. Reiji and Natsuki had been having breakfast when the former's words had accidentally triggered the thoughts inside Natsuki's head and caused him to be overwhelmed to the point that his limit was reached and he vomited everything out in the bathroom. Ai heard Reiji relinquish a pained sigh and he lowered his eyes. He had wished that Natsuki and Reiji were alright, but it was clear that his wish had not been granted. Instead, the opposite had taken place, and both boys ended up hurting even more.

Pain gnawed inside Ai's chest and he mentally shook his head.

Somehow their pain made his chest hurt too.

"I was wrong, wasn't I, Ai-Ai?"

Ai's eyes widened as Reiji spoke, the latter's voice abnormally quiet and tortured.

"To say that I was hurt when he already thinks of himself as a burden. To tell him not to smile when he's falling apart. To not be optimistic when it breaks him. To not sacrifice himself. I was being a hypocrite, you know, and I knew that. But I was only saying it because I did not want him to be hurt. Because I want him to be happy, Ai-Ai. But now I feel horrible. I feel like I've made Nattsun feel worse and that's all on me. Only me, because of my poor judgement and timing."

Reiji squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his teeth.

"I promised that I would not let him suffer and now I feel like I really failed him."

"Reiji..."

Ai muttered his bandmate's name, looking down. He was uncertain as to what to say. He was used to rejecting Reiji's ridiculous ideas for Quartet Night to bond together and maintaining a poker face at his unamusing jokes, but Ai had no clue what to do when it came to the agonized Reiji sitting beside him, overwhelmed with guilt over his words to Natsuki. Ai knew that Reiji did not mean any harm and was only trying to help Natsuki, and the former knew that too. However, the problem laid in the aftermath of Reiji's actions, at the agony that had been caused. Ai looked down at his right arm and contemplated whether he should put an arm around Reiji and would give him some kind of solace by doing so. Ai had seen numerous movies and stories in which a character would wrap their arm around another person as a means for comfort, but he had personally never done that or understood what "comfort" truly was in the first place. He knew that the definition was, but he did not know what it felt like. Neither did he know if Reiji would feel "comfort" if Ai did what the people in the movies and books did. However, Ai decided to give it a try and quietly wrapped his arm around Reiji's shoulders, despite being oblivious as to why he was doing so.

Reiji's eyes widened and he slowly turned to face Ai, who avoided his eyes.

"Ai...Ai?"

Ai did not say a word and his eyes remained on the empty space on the bed.

"Ai-Ai?"

"Does this comfort you?"

"H-Huh?"

Ai's eyes then dilated when he realized what he had asked the older boy and quickly shook his head, his face heating up.

"N-Never mind."

A few moments of silence swept by before Reiji began to chuckle. Ai's eyes widened and he turned to stare at Reiji, who had still not stopped laughing. "Reiji?" Reiji shook his head and smiled at Ai once he'd stopped laughing.

"That's very unusual of you, Ai-Ai."

Ai felt his face heat up again and he looked away, slightly annoyed. "Shut up."

"But yeah, it made me feel a little better. Having you listen and care like that."

A hand took ahold of Ai's shoulder and he faced Reiji, who gave him a light smile.

"Thank you, Ai-Ai."

Surprised by Reiji's words, Ai opened his mouth to speak, but he then heard a violent cough. Ai spun around to face the bed and his eyes widened in shock. Natsuki was coughing in between his sobs, tears slipping down his face, his lips contorted into a painful wince. In an instant, Reiji was standing up and shaking Natsuki on the left shoulder, calling out his name with deep worry ringing out in his voice.

"Nattsun! Nattsun!"

Ai felt his chest ache again and before he knew it, he was calling Natsuki along with Reiji, going to the other side of the bed and placing a hand on the young boy's right shoulder. "Natsuki. Natsuki."

However, Natsuki did not seem to hear them as he merely clutched his head with both hands, his body quivering violently, whispering, "I-It wasn't... me..." in a feeble, broken whisper. Pain twinging inside of him again, Ai looked at Reiji, who returned the look with sheer agony in his eyes, and contemplated what they could do to calm Natsuki down. Natsuki couldn't seem to concentrate on their voices due to the thoughts that were torturing him in his head, so they had to find another way to reach him, to free him from his nightmare. An idea flashed inside Ai's head and before Ai could mull it over or change his mind, he cleared his throat and began to sing softly.

" _Just like the sakura, the snow is, ooh...a silent white..._ "

Ai could feel Natsuki's trembling lessen and his breathing slow down and he continued singing his solo song, "Winter Blossom."

" _Gently...lightly...it flutters down into my palm and disappears..._

_To hide our kiss, we draw closer together to share warmth_

_Following your heartbeats, somehow my heart hurts just a little_ "

At that moment, Natsuki slowly opened his eyes and blinked through his tears twice, his breathing much slower and more stable than before, his exhale slightly shaky. Ai stopped singing and Reiji glanced at him with a light smile and they looked at Natsuki, whose eyes were regaining their focus and in a few moments, were looking straight at them, more serene now. Ai could not help but smile with relief.

"You're safe, Nattsun."

Reiji ruffled Natsuki's tousled blond hair with a gentle smile as he helped the latter pull himself up into a sitting position.

"Ai-Ai and I are right here."

"Thank you, Rei-chan-senpai," Natsuki said, trying his best to smile despite the pain in his eyes.

The Starish member turned to Ai and smiled.

"Thank you, Ai-chan. The melody in your voice really calmed me down."

Ai nodded. "You're welcome, Natsuki."

Natsuki nodded slightly, but then looked down, gazing sorrowfully at his lap. Reiji noticed and placed an arm around Natsuki. "What's wrong, Nattsun?" The boy shook his head, but Reiji gave his shoulder a tight squeeze. "Don't be afraid, Nattsun. You can tell me and Ai-Ai anything. Right, Ai-Ai?"

Natsuki slowly looked up at Ai and he nodded with a faint smile. "Reiji's right, Natsuki." The Starish member lowered his eyes and Ai rubbed him on the back gently, hoping that it would bring some comfort to him.

After a few moments of silence slipped away, Natsuki spoke quietly.

"In that dream... my alter ego had killed almost all of you."

Ai and Reiji did not say a word as they patiently waited for Natsuki to continue.

"I was running... in the dark... ness alone, away from someone who was chasing me, blaming me, and I could see all these images in m-my head... like the memories were mine even though they weren't. A-All the Starish members... were bruised and wounded before my very eyes, the Quartet Ni...ght stage had been lit on fire and Myu-chan-senpai and M-Maru-chan-senpai wouldn't g-get... up and R-Rei-chan-senpai... was holding A-Ai-c-chan and cr...ying... and someone was telling me that... it was all... me. T-That I m-made you all s-suffer... T-That I... k-killed all of y-you..."

Ai felt his chest ache even more painfully than before as Natsuki choked on his sobs, tears streaming down his face even more than before.

"I n-never... wanted... to hurt... anyone... b-but when y-you told me you were h-hurt, senpai, I j-just... f-felt l-like... and the thoughts j-just..." Natsuki shook his head, burying his face into his right palm, "I- I'm so... so... sorry... sen-"

"No, Nattsun. Don't say that. Please don't say sorry for any of that."

Ai turned to Reiji and was shocked by how the older male looked as though he was about to cry.

"It's on senpai, not you, Nattsun. I was the one who chose the wrong time and said it so suddenly. I was the hypocrite. I was the one who hurt you and made you think of yourself as a burden, even though that was never my intention. I'm the one who should be saying sorry and I'm really, really sorry, Nattsun. I really am."

Natsuki shook his head, hiccuping in between his sobs. "Senpai, i-it's not y-"

"Shh," Reiji gently shushed Natsuki, pulling the latter into his arms. "It's on me, Nattsun. Like I told you before, it's my fault. All my fault. So please don't cry, okay, Nattsun? Please. Senpai only wants you to be happy. That's why senpai told you those words before. Not because you are a burden. Not because you did anything wrong. But because senpai cares about you. Because I want you to be happy and don't ever want you to get hurt, Nattsun. It hurts because I care, not because you did anything to try and hurt me. That's what I should have made clear during breakfast and it's my fault that I did not and you ended up crying like this. So I'm really sorry, Nattsun and please don't think of yourself as a burden. You could never be a burden to me. You're a loving, wonderful friend and person and whoever says otherwise is clearly wrong. And senpai will always be there for you, alright? I always will be."

"Sen...pai..."

Nodding wordlessly a few times, Natsuki wrapped his arms around Reiji and the latter smiled and held him even tighter, patting him on the back as the Starish member cried. Ai gently rubbed Natsuki on the back and smiled faintly, the pain in his chest slowly lessening as he observed the two males hold each other amidst their agony. Instead, the pain appeared to be replaced by something else, much to Ai's confusion.

_Why do I..._ Ai looked down at his chest, _feel warm...?_

It reminded him of the temperature of a cup of green tea, but it was not the same. This strange warmth... would have easily been considered an "emotion" if Ai was a human being. This warmth in his chest was deep, assuring and simply... precious, and Ai felt like it was something that he wanted to hold onto and cherish, even though he was not sure if it was even genuine due to his inabilities. But deep inside of him, Ai did know for sure that he did not imagine this. That he was not attempting to fool himself by imagining human emotions to try and convince himself that he had a real heart. So despite his uncertainties and confusion, Ai did not attempt to push the strange warmth away and instead, let his hand remain on Natsuki's trembling body.

_If this is what "comfort" is... even if it turns out that this warmth is not real..._

Reiji looked at him with a light smile and Ai gave him a small smile.

_I don't mind comforting others... that are capable of being comforted._

However, although Ai was unsure if Reiji noticed, he knew that his smile was probably one of barely-suppressed pain.

_But if it is not real... it'd hurt, because I want it to be real._

Reiji Kotobuki

"Let's call it a day, Nattsun."

"Yup, senpai."

Reiji smiled as Natsuki climbed onto his bed with his stuffed dog that Ai had brought along with the rest of his belongings. After Natsuki had woken up from his nightmare and he and Reiji had hugged each other for a long time, the two of them and Ai had spent the rest of the day listening to music, chatting and watching anime while drinking the former's homemade hot chocolate, all while taking Natsuki's temperature and giving the latter medicine a number of times. Reiji had thought about asking Natsuki about the night before, about what had happened before the latter was found on the sidewalk, but he decided not to, knowing that it was not a good time, especially after what had unfolded during breakfast. Ai had left at around 8 p.m., which had shocked him as he, for once, had not kept track of the time, and Reiji and Natsuki had laughed, assuring him that they enjoyed his company.

"And you enjoy ours too, right?" Reiji had asked, grinning.

Ai rolled his eyes. "Your enjoyment is inequivalent to mine."

Reiji pouted. "Oh come on, Ai-Ai!" he whined.

"No."

"But Ai-chan, you were smiling more than usual," Natsuki commented, smiling cheerfully at Ai. "It really warmed my heart."

Ai's eyes widened. "It did?" His lips then formed a small smile. "If that's the case, that's good to hear."

"See?" Reiji pointed and smiled widely. "You really love having us around!"

"You're delusional, Reiji."

"Aww!"

Reiji laughed at the memory, still remembering how the youngest member of Quartet Night had maintained a poker face while denying the latter's words with annoyance. But honestly, though, he really enjoyed today. Although he still felt somewhat guilty about how he'd inadvertently hurt Natsuki, he genuinely enjoyed spending the afternoon with the latter and Ai, talking, laughing and having fun together. Tucking Natsuki into bed, Reiji couldn't help but smile a little more, appreciating the company. That was the first time in which his apartment truly rang with laughter, vigor and joy, instead of being a place in which Reiji could completely evade the scruntinizing eyes of the public and stop feigning his happiness when he only wanted to be alone. He felt like he could really be himself with Natsuki and Ai around, with it being just the three of them. And he knew that he was going to miss this when he had to go back and work with Quartet Night as the idol Reiji Kotobuki, the odd one out in Quartet Night who was strangely able to fit in despite his personality clashing with the rest. Reiji wanted to be this content. He wanted to be the honest person that he felt like he was now.

The thought of it ending made his heart twinge in pain.

"Um, senpai?"

"Yes, Nattsun?" Reiji asked, pulling himself out of his thoughts and facing the younger male. Natsuki looked at Reiji and took a deep breath before speaking.

"When you told me how hurt you were seeing me hurt, you also said that you did the same thing I did over and over again. That you do your best to smile even when you are falling apart. That you felt like a hypocrite telling me not to do it."

Reiji's eyes widened in surprise at Natsuki's words. He had not expected the Starish member to hold onto and remember Reiji's words amidst his self-blame and tears, but then again, it was Natsuki. Natsuki had always cared about others more than he cared about himself.

"But you aren't a hypocrite, senpai," Natsuki continued, giving Reiji a gentle smile as he placed his hand on the latter's shoulder. "You can't say that you're a bad person if all you wanted was to care, to make sure that I was happy. But senpai..." Natsuki's soft green eyes glimmered with a deep sadness, "I don't want you to smile if it hurts you either. I don't want you to say that you're okay when you are actually in pain. Because I care about you too, senpai. I want to be there for you when you are hurt, to smile with you when you truly want to smile, to cry with you when you feel like crying. The thoughts in my head hurt a lot, but nothing hurt more than when I saw how hurt you were, when I thought that I was hurting you and being a burden to you. Because I don't want to hurt you either, senpai. I don't want you to be sad."

"N-Nattsun..."

Reiji stared at Natsuki, who gave his shoulder a light squeeze and smiled with his eyes and lips, even though there were tinges of sorrow there. Natsuki's words both shrouded his heart and moved his heart to the point that Reiji nearly wanted to cry. Until that moment, Reiji never realized how much he'd longed to hear those words said to him, to hear someone tell him that he did not need to smile when he was falling apart, that he would not be alone if he needed to cry, that he was deeply cared about. With tears threatening to fall from his eyes, Reiji saw Natsuki spread his arms out, as though he knew that the former was about to hug him, and he chuckled and hugged the blond with a smile filled with a myriad of emotions. He wanted to be honest. He wanted to feel content. He wanted to feel genuine, to feel cared about. And here he was. After a few moments, Reiji pulled away from Natsuki and spoke quietly.

"You have no idea how much I needed that, Nattsun."

Reiji felt his lips curve into a warm, genuine smile as he gave Natsuki's shoulder a tight squeeze.

"Thank you, Nattsun."

Natsuki nodded silently with a genuine smile and Reiji saw something appear inside the former's kind green eyes. His eyes widened in shock as tears began to trickle down the younger male's cheeks, a few of them falling softly onto the bedsheet. Where did those tears come from? If anyone had been on the verge of tears at that moment, it had actually been Reiji, not Natsuki. But now Reiji was the one holding back tears as more tears slipped down Natsuki's face like rivulets, a smile still on the latter's face.

"I'm sorry, senpai," Natsuki whispered weakly.

"No, Nattsun-" Reiji began.

"It's just that... I've had been thinking about what you and Ai-chan said," Natsuki spoke, his voice nearly inaudible, heavy with emotion. "About how I can tell you both anything, about how it hurts because you care, that you want me to be happy and to not keep sacrificing myself and letting myself fall apart. I thought about all of it. And now I..."

Natsuki placed a hand on top of Reiji's on his shoulder, his lips quivering as he lowered his eyes.

"Now I want to try to talk to you about what happened that night, even if it hurts. Because I don't want to keep holding it within myself and cause you and Ai-chan to be sad or hurt because of it. I want... to tell you guys... instead of forcing myself to bear it on my own when I know that I can't."

His green eyes met Reiji's and smiled a little, albeit filled with deep pain.

"So can I... tell you about it, senpai?" Natsuki asked quietly.

"Oh, Nattsun..."

Reiji pulled Natsuki into another tight hug, his lips curving into a sincere smile. "Of course you can. You have no idea how proud of you I am that you decided to tell me and Ai-Ai about it instead of keeping it locked up within yourself. I'm so happy to hear you say all that, Nattsun."

Pulling away, Reiji gave Natsuki's shoulder an assuring squeeze and smiled encouragingly at the boy, who was now smiling with relief and warmth.

"Whenever you're ready, I'm all ears, Nattsun."

Ai Mikaze

"That concludes my report on today's situation and activities."

"Thank you, Mr Mikaze," Shining Saotome said, smiling widely behind his desk. "It appears that Mr Shinomiya is in good hands. Very good, very good."

Ai nodded briefly at the senior. Although he was 1 hour and 53 minutes late due to losing track of the time while he was with Natsuki and Reiji, Ai had still gone to Shining Saotome and given his detailed report about the day. Ai was absolutely certain to exclude the details of Natsuki and Reiji's guilt and sorrow towards each other, deeming it personal, as well as his personal conflict regarding "comfort" and "emotions." His chest was radiating with a faint warmth and although he usually analyzed such "emotions," Ai chose to let it be, remembering how he'd smiled more than usual when he spent the day with Natsuki and Reiji and how he'd sincerely desired for that warmth to be real.

_It's strange, really..._

The warmth shrouded his chest the more he thought of the two males and he could not help but contemplate it.

_Shouldn't I be incapable... of feeling even the slightest bit of warmth?_

"Oh, look at how time flies! We all should be going home and resting for another wonderful day!"

Shining Saotome let out a loud guffaw and grinned at Ai.

"You are dismissed, Mr Mikaze. See you tomorrow!"

Ai nodded briefly. "Alright. I'll be sure to provide another report tomorrow."

"Wait, what?"

"A report regarding Natsuki and Reiji."

"Yes, I know what you mean, but err... I never asked for you to go and check on them tomorrow, didn't I?"

Ai's eyes widened when he realized that Shining Saotome's statement was accurate. How did Ai forget? It was not like Ai to remember instructions incorrectly. Or was it merely the fact that he had misunderstood the request from the very beginning? Before Ai could try and sift through his whirling thoughts even further, he heard a loud, burly laugh and faced Shining Saotome, suddenly feeling the need to explain himself.

"Shining-san, I-"

"No, no, Mr Mikaze. Don't worry; it's normal to misunderstand the tasks given to you. Don't mull over it." Shining Saotome then formed a wide smile. "But since you seem to not mind paying them another visit, how about I trust you with reporting back to me everyday regarding those two? You don't have to meet me in the office. Just text me the details after every visit and then you're done for the day. How does that sound?"

Ai nodded slightly. "That's fine with me."

Somehow Ai sensed that he was now warmer inside.

"Great, Mr Mikaze!" Shining Saotome cheered. "Looking forward to your reports then!"

Ai nodded again and proceeded to head towards the door before he could get even more puzzled by the senior's unexplained outbursts of elation and excitement. Just as he was about to reach for the door handle, Ai heard Shining Saotome speak behind him.

"Can you say it with more certainty now, Mr Mikaze?"

Ai froze in his tracks and turned around, only to find himself facing Shining Saotome's faint smile.

"You care about Mr Shinomiya and Mr Kotobuki, don't you, Mr Mikaze?"

Ai's eyes widened, but this time, he did not have to mull the thought over or hesitate for even an iota of a moment. Instead, he looked Shining Saotome in the eye and gave the senior a small smile. Now he understood. He did not agree to go and check on Natsuki and Reiji because it was the task given to him. He willingly did it because...

"I do, Shining-san."

... because he genuinely cared, regardless if he had an actual heart or not.

Shining Saotome nodded, satisfaction written all over his face at Ai's answer, and said goodnight. Ai said it back before opening the door and leaving the office. When he was finally alone outside, he placed a hand over his chest and closed his eyes with a faint smile.

_See you tomorrow, Natsuki, Reiji._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"The guy who came to see me... was a cameraman who was at Hayato's concert... Tablo Ozrock."

Natsuki's voice trembled uncontrollably as he told Reiji the whole story, starting from when he was called to meet Ozrock by Kite, and they had reached the part where Natsuki and Ozrock were alone in the meeting room, the latter's name causing tears to run down his face. Reiji sat in front of him on the bed, his right hand on Natsuki's left shoulder, his grey eyes while, glimmering with anguish and sorrow, assured him that it was alright, that they were with each other here. And Natsuki believed him. He believed in Reiji with all his heart.

"H-He... showed me a video... o-of Satsuki hurting... and terrifying everyone... making so many of them... cry and bleed," Natsuki continued, his voice faltering amidst his quiet sob, and Reiji held him even tighter. "He s-said that it's all because of me that they're crying... that they're bleeding... He shouted at me, laughed at me... calling me a liar, a destroyer and an assaulter... telling me that I'm a burden and a liability... to everyone-"

Natsuki choked on his sobs, tears falling down his face like the downpour overwhelming his heart.

"I could hardly even... defend myself... when he s-said all that..." Natsuki whispered, his voice cracking. "I c-couldn't believe I h-had no idea... about having an alter ego and I just felt like... I'd been hurting... and troubling everyone... everyone I love... everyone I care about... everyone in Starish... you... Ai-chan... everyone... And then... I just ran out, trying to get away from Ozrock... and broke down on the sidewalk... unable to stop the thoughts... unable to believe in myself... enough to stop crying... It w-was like... I couldn't even do anything... to save myself... senpai. It was too much... for me to take on my own."

Sniffling, Natsuki rubbed his eyes with the sleeve of his white sweater, his tears dampening his clothes.

"I really t-thought... that I was a burden... senpai."

"Nattsun..."

Reiji took ahold of Natsuki's arm and gently lowered it from his face. "Look at me, Nattsun." Natsuki slowly did and Reiji gave him a gentle smile. "Listen to me. I don't know who Ozrock is, but everything that he said about you is wrong. Even if you still struggle to deny his words, none of it is true. You can never be a burden, Nattsun, or an assailant, liar, destroyer or any of those things. He's the liar, not you. I know you and I know that you can never have the heart to do any of those things, because you are an incredibly kind person, Nattsun, too kind to even consider hurting anyone. And although you don't believe in yourself enough just yet, I believe in you and I will make sure that you believe in yourself too one day, because you deserve to."

Reiji placed a hand on Natsuki's shoulder and his eyes softened as he looked deeply into his eyes.

"And I promise you that I will not let Ozrock hurt you ever again. Not when I'm around. I will be there to protect you no matter what, because I care about you and always will, alright?"

"But Rei-chan-senpai..." Natsuki lowered his eyes, "what if... he ends up hurting you too?"

Reiji let out a soft chuckle. "He won't, don't worry. But even if he does, that's fine by me, you know. After all..."

Reiji gave Natsuki an earnest smile.

"We all get hurt for the sakes of our friends at times, don't we, Nattsun?"

Natsuki's eyes widened as tears pooled around his eyes at Reiji's words, and he felt his lips curve into a bright smile as he nodded in agreement, the warm tears falling from his eyes. "Yeah, senpai."

With that, Reiji's smile widened and he and Natsuki hugged each other, remaining like that as the moments faded by on that silent night. Natsuki could faintly hear Ai's voice singing "Winter Blossom" echo inside his head and his heartbeat was calmer and gentler now, like a river that had flowed down after streaming down like rapid fire. Today had been a day filled with nightmares, dark thoughts, grief and sorrow, but it was also filled with warmth, togetherness and the comfort that they found in one another, and it mended the pieces of Natsuki's agonized heart. Remaining in Reiji's arms, Natsuki found himself slowly drifting into the realm of dreams and his arms loosening around the senpai, and he smiled faintly. It had only been a few nights, but for the first time in what felt like a long time,

he felt like it was going to be a good night.

As if on cue, Natsuki's eyes quietly fell shut and the world turned black around him.

Reiji Kotobuki

When Reiji noticed that Natsuki had fallen asleep, he carefully pulled the boy off of him and laid him on the bed. He gently placed the comforter over the sleeping boy and tousled his blond hair gently, watching as the Starish member slept peacefully, a kind, innocuous expression on his face.

_So you've been holding that painful night deep inside of you this whole time, Nattsun..._

Reiji felt his lips curve into a sad smile.

_I'll do whatever it takes to ease the pain. Senpai promises you, Nattsun._

As Reiji silently pulled himself up and made his way out of the bedroom, the words that Natsuki had said to him reverberated inside his head like a sorrowful song.

_"R-Rei-chan-senpai... was holding A-Ai-c-chan and cr...ying... and someone was telling me that... it was all... me. T-That I m-made you all s-suffer... T-That I... k-killed all of y-you..."_

_"I want to be there for you when you are hurt, to smile with you when you truly want to smile, to cry with you when you feel like crying."_

_"It w-was like... I couldn't even do anything... to save myself... senpai."_

"Tablo Ozrock."

Saying the name of the person who had shattered and tortured Natsuki made Reiji almost want to puke in disgust and he could feel his emotions slowly darken like water being stained with poison as he turned his phone on and began to search the perpetrator up online. The way that Natsuki cried, the way he trembled in agony and held Reiji tightly... It broke Reiji's heart and fueled his motivation to search for Ozrock and make sure that that man never went anywhere near Natsuki ever again. Reiji knew very well that people who knew him would be shocked if they could read his mind right now, given his reputation as one of the most easygoing and patient in Quartet Night, but he did not care. He never gave a shred of care for his reputation anyway. What he cared about was making sure that the people whom he cared about would be alright, and that included Natsuki. Reiji found Ozrock's photo and profile and took a screenshot of them with his lips twitched to one side sharply.

_You broke my friend and kouhai. Therefore..._

Reiji opened the Quartet Night groupchat and uploaded the screenshot, along with a detailed text about who this particular scum was. His lips were pursed in a cold thin line.

_Be prepared to pay up,_ **Ozrock-san** _._

_"Shadow and light, You and I, drawing closer_

_Asking what's real or fake"_

_\- "Orion de Shout Out", by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kishou Taniyama)_


	9. A Dark Demeanour

Ai Mikaze

"Nattsun, you look like you're spacing out."

"H-Huh?"

Ai quietly observed as a dazed Natsuki blinked a few times and Reiji slung an arm around him, the latter's grey eyes filled with worry.

"What's going on in your head?"

"Um..." Natsuki lowered his eyes and Reiji held him even tighter. "I... I heard Ozrock-san's voice inside my head again, and I tried to push it away, tried to focus on your voices, Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan. But... he just keeps getting louder, laughing at me even more, calling me names that hurt to even say."

The blond boy's hands quivered around his mug of tea.

"I just... want him to stop..." Natsuki whispered, his voice faltering slightly.

"Nattsun..."

Ai lowered his eyes as Reiji gave Natsuki's shoulder a tight squeeze, anguish twisting through his chest as the former looked down with sheer agony in his grey eyes. Reiji had told Ai, Ranmaru and Camus about Tablo Ozrock and what he had done to Natsuki last night, sending the perpetrator's picture and profile to the groupchat with a detailed message about him. Ai had been on the way home from his meeting with Shining Saotome when Ranmaru abruptly decided that all of them were to congregate in Reiji's apartment to discuss about "beating that trash senseless." Ai had originally wanted to inquire why they could not discuss it in the groupchat, but before he could, Camus and Reiji agreed and Ai knew that he had no option but to go along with Ranmaru's dreadful sense of timing and told the van driver to change routes. However, at the end, Ai did not mind.

After all, Natsuki was more important than his band members' absurd timing.

"So this is the trash who broke Natsuki?"

"Tablo Ozrock," Ai said, scrolling through the details on his phone screen as he stood near Reiji. "A 28-year-old cameraman for hire. He has been involved in a number of criminal activities, including assault, blackmail and the alleged harassing of teenage idols, although he used his money and connections to walk away from every charge."

"Tch, what a lowlife."

Ranmaru spat a curse as his heterochromatic eyes blazed at the picture of Ozrock in his cellphone.

"He even already looks like total garbage to me."

"Such scum..." Camus remarked, his voice as cold as ice.

Ranmaru faced Camus. "For once in my life, I actually agree with you about something outside of showbiz, Camus."

"Well, perhaps that is because we can both perfectly see the absence of worth in this scum simply by looking at him and being given the details of his actions," Camus responded, sipping his tea.

"Oi, Reiji," Ranmaru swivelled around to face Reiji, who had been silently sitting on a wooden chair with a mug of green tea in his hands, "when do we get to beat this piece of trash?"

"Saturday."

Ai's eyes dilated at the dark tone and cold underlying meaning in Reiji's reply. Reiji was usually the mediator along with Ai when it came to arguments, quarrels and threats within the quartet. In a normal situation, Reiji would be telling Ranmaru to calm down and that no one was going to attack or beat up anyone, even bribing the latter with his cooking if he still refused to calm down. However, this time, Reiji was not making any obvious attempt to stop him. Instead, he seemed to be willing to let Ranmaru hurt Ozrock. Ai could hear Ranmaru and Camus gasp as Reiji's hands tightened around his olive mug, the latter's eyes devoid of any of his usual cheer. Yet if Reiji noticed any of their shocked reactions, he paid them no heed.

"All that I can think of is the way Nattsun cried that night," Reiji proceeded, a dark expression shading his grey eyes. "The way he called himself a burden, a liability, when he was never any of it. How he could hardly even genuinely smile as he struggled to pull himself together. The pain that he was subjected to because of that... that **_sicko_**." Reiji's lips twitched and his teeth were gritted in anger, his body quivering with raw emotion, and Ai could not help but stare in shock. That man **_broke_** Nattsun, and to be honest, he's lucky that we're not gonna beat him to death even though he deserves it. Even though I often hold you back from being violent, Ran, I won't stop you this time, I promise."

Reiji looked up at his band members and his grey eyes cleared like a fog was being lifted, the dark look slowly replaced by sheer pain and grief.

"Feel free to call me a hypocrite, guys, but if you saw the look in Nattsun's eyes that night in my place, you'd be in tears."

_Reiji..._

Ai rubbed Natsuki on the back as Reiji encircled the latter in a tight hug, the latter's eyes reflecting the same grief that Ai had seen in his eyes last night. Tomorrow was Saturday. Reiji had entrusted Ai with taking care of Natsuki for the day while he, Ranmaru and Camus proceeded their plan to corner Ozrock without arousing any suspicions from him. Reiji had planned everything and Ai and the others had been surprised by how unusually meticulous and smart the plan turned out to be, given Reiji's usual personality. But then again, they had been taken aback by the cold implications of Reiji's words when they were discussing about Ozrock, not expecting him to show such a dark side of his personality. As Natsuki buried his face into his shoulder, Reiji turned to Ai and gave him a pained smile, as though he wanted to say, "It hurts." Ai smiled sadly, not analyzing the deep anguish seeping through his chest like a cold river. He was seeing two of the seemingly-brightest people in his life suffering and deep down, knew that their suffering was far from over. While he knew that he could hardly comprehend the dark side of Reiji's personality, Ai could tell that a reason it emerged was that the former was in deep pain. Pain for Natsuki. Or was it that Reiji was feeling what Natsuki felt? Not that Ai understood how the latter worked either. As Ai watched the two males, he could not help but let a thought cross his head and it buried him in deep contemplation.

_I do not really get it, but..._

Ai looked at Reiji and inwardly frowned,

_have you been hiding this side of you all this time, Reiji?_

Cecil Aijima

"Ugh... so bored..."

His arms crossed behind his head, Cecil looked up at the ceiling and groaned.

"Why can't I have a roommate too?"

Cecil got off the bed and walked towards the door. It had been less than a month ever since Cecil was given his own bedroom instead of needing to share one with his mentor Camus, but while he was free from the latter's strict rules and piercing glares, Cecil did somewhat feel lonely in his single bedroom. Everyone else in Starish had a roommate; Otoya was with Tokiya, Masato was with Ren, and Natsuki had Syo. And Cecil would often go visit them in their rooms every night, sometimes breaking curfew, although he wished that he could be placed in one of their rooms. Cecil did not miss being scolded whenever his verbal contemplation "interrupted" Camus' teatime, but it would be awfully nice to have a friend with him. Closing the bedroom door, Cecil decided to visit Syo first, knowing that the latter was alone with Natsuki staying at Reiji's place.

 _You hug too tightly to the point of me suffocating_ , Cecil thought, _but it'd be really nice to get another hug from you soon, Natsuki._

He was passing the tall windows that had been veiled by billowing red curtains when he heard a gruff voice.

"Be sure to be on time tomorrow, you sugar addict. I'll smack you if your tardiness ruins the plan."

"Me tardy? As though you do not fall asleep like a log and then wake up in the afternoon, you fool."

"Zip it."

Cecil stopped in his tracks. _Camus? Ranmaru-senpai?_ He frowned in confusion as he overheard the two senpais bicker with each other like they usually did. _A plan?_ What plan could they be talking about? Not to mention, tomorrow was a weekend and the four senpais of Quartet Night never opted to spend the two days of rest with one another, no matter how much Reiji pleaded for them to make it happen. Cecil saw them a few meters away and before Camus or Ranmaru could turn to his direction, Cecil slipped behind a red curtain and stepped up onto the thin windowsill.

Something told Cecil that he wanted to know what they were planning.

"But if anyone will mind the plan being ruined the most, it is clearly Kotobuki," Camus remarked. "The usually-flamboyant fool sounded much less like a fool last night."

_Huh? Reiji-senpai?_

"Yeah. Don't know what's going on in that guy's head, but the fact that he has the most heart out of the four of us shows that he's really upset this time around, and we don't usually see him do anything other than smiling like a goof."

 _Upset?_ Thoughts ran through Cecil's head as he tried to figure out the meaning of what the two senpais were discussing. It was not normal for Reiji, who was usually laughing, smiling and joking, to be upset about anything. Cecil knew that it had been awhile since he saw Reiji, given that the latter was taking care of- Wait. Cecil's eyes widened.

 _Is this about_ _Natsuki?_

"For once, we may need to restrain him instead of you." Camus laughed as Ranmaru growled at him. "But I find it rather interesting. Tomorrow may end up being unpredictable and it's quite thrilling."

"Or are you just interested in beating that lowlife up with your useless ice sceptre that is a complete waste of money?"

"Like you aren't itching like a monkey to get your hands dirty."

"Why you-"

"How about we continue this meaningless bicker in a private chat?" Camus suggested. "After all, we do not want some insolent fool eavesdropping and stalking us tomorrow, right?"

_But I'm here, Camus._

"Yeah." Ranmaru nodded, turning his back on Camus. "So see ya online. Make sure you aren't splattering your condensed milk when Reiji and Ai go online to discuss the plan."

Camus let out a sarcastic laugh. "The chances of me spilling my precious sweetener are lesser than the chances of you snoring before they send a single text."

Ranmaru snorted. "Shut up."

With that, Ranmaru and Camus walked towards separate directions and Cecil concealed himself behind the curtains as the former walked by, his footsteps causing Cecil's heart to palpitate loudly in his chest. When he could no longer hear any footsteps, Cecil carefully peeked from behind the curtains to make sure that neither of the two senpais was there to catch him there. When he decided that the coast was clear, Cecil hopped down from the sill and looked down.

A part of him felt betrayed.

Although he could not be completely sure that his idea was right, he was quite certain that the plan had something to do with Natsuki as he could not think of anything else that could upset Reiji and get everyone in Quartet Night involved to the point of them spending the weekend together. And they did not tell him or anyone else from Starish. How could they not tell them? Natsuki was their band member and best friend! Didn't they have the right to know about something if it had to do with Natsuki? Didn't they know that it was painful enough that they could not see or talk to Natsuki when the latter was clearly in pain after finding out about Satsuki and now the senpais were all planning something without them? Clenching his fists, Cecil looked in the direction where Camus had disappeared and narrowed his eyes. Tomorrow he was getting up early and following Camus to wherever he was off to. He decided to not tell the rest of Starish as he was not entirely sure of his assumption and did not want to disrupt their weekend, so he was on his own. But that was fine. It was easier to follow Camus when he was on his own and he was doing this for them too. Determined, Cecil headed towards where Syo's room, his mind set.

_You don't get to hide things from me, senpais, Camus._

Cecil inwardly frowned.

_A plan regarding Natsuki is a plan regarding me too._

Reiji Kotobuki

"You're really early, Ai-Ai!"

"If you consider coming 1 hour and 35 minutes than the time that we agreed upon 'early', then I suppose I am."

"Oh, Ai-Ai..."

Reiji laughed as he let the younger male come inside and shut the door behind them. He had been admittedly shocked when he heard the doorbell ring past 7 in the morning; he was sure that he'd asked Ai to come at 9. Reiji went back to the kitchen in which he had been cooking breakfast and asked Ai if he wanted some green tea, to which the latter nodded. Ai was especially early, but Reiji did not mind. Not only was he already used to Ai's sense of punctuality; he really enjoyed his and Natsuki's company.

"Nattsun is getting ready in his bedroom," Reiji said as he poured some green tea from his kettle into a blue mug for Ai, "so he'll be out soon. Have you had breakfast, Ai-Ai?"

"Yes, I have," Ai answered, sitting on a red sofa in the living room as Reiji gave him the mug.

"What did you have?" Reiji asked, taking a seat beside him.

"A slice of bread and scrambled eggs."

Reiji laughed. "Keeping it simple, Ai-Ai?"

Ai tilted his head in confusion. "Isn't that normal?"

"Well, uh... yes."

"Then that's fine."

"Yeah!" Reiji let out a laugh, unsure how the conversation suddenly became this strange. A thought then crossed his mind and he turned to Ai. "Hey, Ai-Ai."

"Yes?" Ai looked up from his mug.

"Why did you come so early?"

Ai did not say anything for a moment. He set his mug down and with his arms crossed over his lap, merely watched as the white vapour gently wafted up into the cool air before slowly disappearing into the background.

"Are you okay, Reiji?"

Reiji's eyes widened in shock. "H-Huh?"

"It isn't like you to be this extreme," Ai remarked, still not looking at him. "Even Ranmaru and Camus were talking about it. You'd normally be the one to stop them both when they want to be violent, but this time, you didn't. You... were really upset. And angry. Hurt. We've never seen you act like this and I tried thinking about it, but I can't seem understand it. I've failed to understand it, the suddenness of the change in your behaviour."

Ai then faced him, his blue eyes inquiring but sheened with worry.

"That's why I came early. Because of my failure to understand this situation, especially this matter regarding you."

Reiji stared at Ai, his heart thudding in his chest. He had not expected Ai to ask that so suddenly and frankly. Reiji knew that his band members had been shocked and taken aback when he told them that they would be beating Ozrock; he just did not expect any of them to verbally speak their thoughts out to him. Reiji lowered his eyes, staring down at the green tea in his mug. It had gotten cold.

"You're right. This isn't my usual self."

Reiji looked up at Ai and gave him a slight smile.

"This is not the part of me that I usually show out in the open."

Reiji turned and looked at the guest bedroom, where Natsuki was getting ready for the day.

"I know which side of me you guys are used to. The one who jokes around, laughs a lot and dances like there is no tomorrow. The one who tries to get us all closer together, loves taking drives to random places, and sings groovy, hyper songs like 'Dekiai Temptation' and 'Never...'. That's the Reiji that I normally am when I am with you guys and in public."

Slowly, Reiji shook his head.

"But I'm not just one-dimensional, you know. No one is."

"We've never really seen you in any other way," Ai remarked, his voice quiet, "until that night and the night we found Natsuki."

"Because I'm a liar, Ai-Ai."

Reiji looked at Ai again and gave him a weak smile.

"Because I smile when I am close to tears. Because I say I'm okay when I am falling apart. Because I dance even though I just want to collapse on my bed and not wake up for days. I hide this part of me behind a cheerful image that I've perfected over the years with my lies and smiles, conceal my pain behind what appears to be a bright smile on the outside. But it's started to wear off... hasn't it? That's why you guys are seeing what I've been hiding for years now. And the main reason why is..."

Reiji looked at the guest bedroom again and his heart felt lighter.

"Because of him. It's Nattsun."

"Natsuki?" Ai asked, his voice filled with surprise and confusion, and Reiji laughed. "What's funny, Reiji?"

"No, no." Reiji laughed a little more before stopping. "I just thought that you would have realized it by now, Ai-Ai."

"What do you mean?"

"Well-"

The door opened and Reiji immediately closed his mouth when Natsuki emerged from inside the room, a bright smile illuminating his face. "I'm ready, senpai!"

"Yeap! You look completely refreshed, Nattsun!" Reiji gave him a thumbs-up sign with a bright grin.

"Oh! Ai-chan is here?" Natsuki's green eyes brightened at the sight of the blue-haired boy sitting in the living room. "Are you having breakfast here with us?"

"No, I just ate," Ai responded, smiling faintly, "but I don't mind accompanying you two."

"So let's have a happy breakfast together, Ai-chan!"

"O- Natsuki!"

Reiji laughed as Natsuki took Ai by the arm and pulled the male into the kitchen despite the latter's exclaims of shock and protests. Ai glanced at him over his shoulder and Reiji simply winked at him with a grin, knowing that those two would have a good time spending the day together.

_Well, we can't have all the answers written out just like that, right?_

Natsuki ran back to get Reiji and they laughed as they went to the dining table together, the latter slinging an arm around the former.

_By the time I come back, you'll understand, Ai-Ai. Trust me on this._

Cecil Aijima

"Sir, please keep following that van."

"Alright."

Cecil leaned from behind the driver's seat as the red taxi that he was riding followed the white van that Camus and Ranmaru had gone into. He had gotten up extra early and waited behind a wall near Camus' room for the senpai to leave so that he could follow him to wherever he was headed. The van had picked Camus up and stopped by Ranmaru's apartment and Cecil breathed a sigh of relief at the fact that they had not noticed anything suspicious. Cecil was wearing a white and red hoodie and a matching cap that made a shadow over his eyes, not wanting the public or the two senpais to recognize him. If the public recognized him, he'd be chased all over the city. If the senpais, especially Camus, found out what he was doing, he'd be running for his life away from the two of them.

And Cecil definitely did not want either of those things to happen.

He was pretty happy with the way his life was right now.

Just then, the van halted by the sidewalk and the taxi skidded to a stop behind a brown car. Cecil's eyes widened in confusion. Where did they want to go? He looked through the windows, trying to figure out where Ranmaru and Camus could possibly want to go, and he frowned. This was the shopping district. Even though it was still about nine, Cecil could see shops brightly lit up and men, women and children walking along the sidewalks and peering into the open and closed shops, laughing, smiling and chattering away. Why would Ranmaru and Camus be in the shopping district at this time?

Knock knock!

Cecil turned to face the front window and his eyes dilated in shock.

Oh no.

"Oi, Cecil."

Ranmaru and Camus were scowling at Cecil through the glass window and the former was pointing his ice sceptre straight at the latter, who gulped in fear.

"Get yourself out here, will ya?"

Ai Mikaze

"So... it's starting soon."

Ai looked down at the text that he received from Ranmaru 3 seconds ago. It read: _Hes gonna be dead meat_.

 _Whatever you guys plan on doing_ , Ai thought, sighing quietly, _don't overdo it._

Ai shook his head slightly.

_Especially you, Reiji._

"Ai-chan, is there something on your mind?"

Ai turned to Natsuki, who had looked up from his yellow notebook, worry glimmering in his yellowish-green eyes.

"You look quite worried."

"I do?" Ai asked, tilting his head in confusion.

"Yeah. When you were looking at your phone."

Natsuki glanced at Ai's lilac cellphone before facing him again, the worry in his eyes even more vivid.

"Did something happen?"

"No," Ai lied, knowing that he could not tell Natsuki about what he and his band members had been up to. Not yet, at least. "It's fine."

"Oh..."

Natsuki's face fell and Ai felt a sharp pain pierce through his chest. He was pretty blunt, wasn't he? Ai was known to be rather straight to the point; he had always been like that ever since he first opened his eyes in the professor's laboratory. But somehow a part of him was telling him that he was too blunt to the point of hurting the blond male sitting beside him, and an emotion that he classified as "guilt" was prickling him from the inside.

"It's just... something that I can't tell you just yet, Natsuki," Ai explained, although he was quite surprised that he felt the urge to elaborate. "And um... I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did."

"I know, Ai-chan. It's okay."

Natsuki offered him a light smile.

"But if you need someone to talk to, you can always come to me, okay?"

Ai nodded and his chest somehow was relieved of the "guilt" that was prickling him in his chest. He found it extremely incomprehensible and bizarre. His bluntness usually did not make him feel anything at all; it was merely a part of his personality which prompted him to speak his mind, whether the truth was a good or bad one. He normally did not sense any urge to explain himself either, let alone a strong one. However, something about Natsuki and the way his face fell when Ai answered him dismissively made Ai immediately sense that he was too blunt to the point of hurting his kouhai's feelings and need to take responsibility for it, much to his utter confusion. Was it because he cared, which was something that he'd just realized and acknowledged 3 days ago? Was this "guilt" that had twinged his chest even real?

_"But it's started to wear off... hasn't it?"_

Reiji's words regarding the cheerful exterior that he used as a facade echoed inside Ai's mind and the latter quietly observed as Natsuki returned to reading something in his yellow notebook. Now Ai was quite curious. What was it about Natsuki that made Reiji change up to the point of his darker self emerging from behind his cheerfulness and humorous self? Even after knowing Reiji for such a long time, it was only after he took Natsuki in when Ai truly saw the other side of his personality before his very eyes. The personality that showed Reiji's darker self, as well as a tremendous amount of agony. Something about Natsuki had prompted Reiji to be _honest_ , more honest than Ai had ever seen him being. And what made Ai even more curious, as well as puzzled, was that Reiji had thought that the former would already understand by now how Natsuki was the reason for his change when Ai had no idea how that was so. Ai did observe Natsuki numerous of times for long periods to attempt to understand the concept of human emotions, but it only resulted in more questions than answers. So how could Reiji possibly think that Ai understood? Or was it a fallacy in Reiji's thinking? Whichever one it was, Ai was 100% certain that he did not understand what Reiji thought he understood.

One thing that Ai knew, however, was that the answer was with Natsuki.

_"Because of him."_

If Ai's eyes were not deceiving him at that time, he was sure that a sincere smile had graced Reiji's lips when he said those words.

_"It's Nattsun."_

Reiji Kotobuki

"So you told me that you and the rest of Quartet Night will be shooting a new music video?"

"That is right," Reiji answered, nodding with a convincing fake smile as he mentally recalled the lies that he had prepared and linked together for this situation. "We need a cameraman who has a sharp eye for angles, positions and aesthetics so that this video can be a great success."

Reiji and Ozrock walked beside each other along the corridor, heading towards the meeting room. The moment Reiji laid his eyes on Ozrock when the latter first arrived, he could already feel deep anger and resentment overshadowing his joyous mood. This was the man who had used Natsuki's past to harm the innocent boy. This was the man who had twisted the reality of Natsuki's alter ego and shattered his heart and spirit into jagged pieces that pierced the broken boy everytime he closed his eyes to go to sleep. Ozrock patted him on the back once and it took his sheer willpower to restrain himself from twisting the man's arm right there and then. There was a reason why Reiji was the one that was leading Ozrock to the meeting room. Had it been Ranmaru or Camus, especially the former...

Ozrock's head would be crushed to the nearest wall by now.

 _Patience is a virtue_ _, Reiji_ , he mentally reminded himself, calming himself down.

_And it applies to everyone, even to this sicko._

"Then you have made a great choice asking me," Ozrock said politely, but Reiji could easily see through his exterior and knew that he was being arrogant. "So what will it be about?"

"Something very unusual when it comes to our group," Reiji answered, the meeting room coming into view. "It will come as quite a surprise, Ozrock-san."

_Well, that's not really a lie._

_You_ **are** _in for a surprise._

"How interesting." Ozrock laughed. "What is it about?"

Ozrock pushed the door open and suddenly, he froze in the doorway. Before Ozrock could say a word, Reiji swiftly pushed him into the room from behind and got in, shut the door and locked it with the key that Ai had received from a staff member. While Reiji mentally facepalmed at the fact that Cecil was somehow here too, he decided that this would have to do. Even so, everything else was right where he wanted them to be. Beside Cecil, Ranmaru was smiling coldly at Ozrock, his lips twitched to one side, cracking his knuckles. And on Ranmaru's left, Camus was wiping his ice sceptre with a white cloth, his light blue eyes filled with utter coldness.

"Well, whaddya know? The surprise is already here."

Ozrock whipped around to face Reiji, shock and indignance written all over his face, and the latter simply smiled widely, tilting his black fedora hat a little.

His smile darkened.

"I hope you prepared yourself when I told you about the surprise, _Ozrock-san_."

_"For discovering the real me_

_What kind of miracle should I give you?"_

_\- "Never...", by Reiji Kotobuki (Morikubo Showtaro)_


	10. Sincerity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Violence

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Ai-chan, when is Rei-chan-senpai coming back?"

"He is not answering his phone," Ai responded, looking down at his phone screen. "He is probably still busy."

"I see." Natsuki nodded. "Thank you, Ai-chan."

He shifted his eyes back to his yellow notebook, to the pages in which he had copied down the lyrics of Reiji's solo song, "Never...". Ever since Reiji told Natsuki about how he'd done what Natsuki had been doing over and over again, about how he'd put on his best smile even when his world was falling apart and knew how much it hurt, Natsuki had been trying to understand that part of Reiji more by reading the lyrics of his solo songs. The music that artists made and the songs that they sang usually conveyed the emotions that they felt deep within their hearts. Natsuki had started with three of his favourite songs by Reiji, "Dekiai Temptation", "Kiss wa Wink de" and "Never...", and the latter was the one that Natsuki started with and had not stopped thinking about.

_"The glow of the buildings dissolved into the night sky_

_Gently blurred by your eyes_

_Tell me you're not burdened by this adult_ _atitude_

_I can't seem to do anything right"_

All three songs that Natsuki chose to start off with were all catchy, groovy and energetic, one way or another, and that was Reiji's speciality; his natural ability to make you have the spirit to get up and dance to the beat and melody of his songs. But the more Natsuki read the lyrics of "Never...", the more he realized how much the lyrics and meaning in the song had been overlooked. People focused so much on the upbeat, funky tune of the song that they barely took the time to read and understand the meaning of the song. As he read the lyrics that he'd jotted down onto the pages of his yellow notebook, a realization sank upon Natsuki and it etched his heart with pain.

Natsuki lowered his eyes. _This song... represents Rei-chan-senpai's true personality, right?_

_"For discovering the real me,_

_What kind of miracle should I give you?"_

_Seemingly cheerful, optimistic and energetic, but in reality..._ Natsuki felt his heart wrench in pain, _filled with an acute sense of sadness hidden within the lyrics that were often left unheard._

"Natsuki, is that Reiji's song?"

"Ai-chan!" Natsuki exclaimed in surprise, turning to Ai, who was suddenly peering at the notebook over the former's shoulder. "Yeap, these are the lyrics of 'Never...', one of Rei-chan-senpai's songs."

"I see."

Ai's eyes remained on the pages for awhile, neither him nor Natsuki saying a single word.

"Can I take a look at your notebook, Natsuki?"

Natsuki's eyes widened in surprise. "Oh! Sure, Ai-chan!"

Ai smiled faintly and thanked Natsuki before taking the yellow notebook from him. Natsuki quietly watched as Ai slowly flipped through the pages of the notebook, confusion gyrating inside his heart. Natsuki had never given his notebook to someone else to read before. Syo had once asked about it and Natsuki offered him if he wanted to take a look, but Syo declined. Otoya, Cecil and Ren had peeked over his shoulder at the pages a few times, but no one actually asked Natsuki if they could take a look before. But his mentor, Ai, had asked out of the blue and Natsuki was surprised but happy to let him see what was inside. Natsuki looked at Ai and found that he could not tell what the Quartet Night member was thinking based on the unreadable expression clouding his blue eyes. The notebook was a place where Natsuki wrote out lyrics of songs that he really liked and meant deeply much to him and lyrics that could be used for new songs, along with the music notes for the compositions. He knew that there were those who would think that Natsuki should be keeping the ideas and compositions to himself as it could be considered "personal", but the latter did not mind sharing them with Ai; he trusted the blue-haired boy with all his heart.

"And these..."

Ai trailed a finger gently along the page, a thoughtful look on his face.

"You jotted down the lyrics of 'Winter Blossom' too?"

"Yeap, Ai-chan." Natsuki nodded, smiling. "When I first listened to the song, I found it really touching. It was a truly sad and beautiful song that moved not only my heart, but my soul. Your voice really matched the lyrics and I could feel the tears in my eyes by the time the first chorus started."

Ai's eyes widened. "T... Touching? Moved?"

Natsuki smiled warmly. "Yeap, Ai-chan."

Ai did not say anything for a moment, his blue eyes suggesting that he was lost in his thoughts. Natsuki looked down at the lyrics written on the pages, remembering how Ai had sung the song when the former was struggling to get a grip on himself during a nightmare.

_"Following your heartbeats, somehow my heart hurts just a little"_

As calming as the song was... it often saddened his heart as well.

"Natsuki."

"Yes, Ai-chan?"

"Um..."

Ai hesitated, much to Natsuki's surprise, given how the former never hesitated and usually got straight to the point. However, when Ai spoke again, Natsuki's eyes widened in even more shock.

"What does it mean... to be moved, Natsuki?"

Reiji Kotobuki

"Before we begin..."

Reiji looked over his shoulder at Cecil, who was staring at him with sheer shock and fear, and his eyes softened.

"What are you doing here, Cesshi?"

"We caught him following us," Ranmaru responded before the kouhai could speak, shooting Cecil a sideways glance as Camus searched a struggling Ozrock's clothes for cameras or recorders. Camus kept the ice sceptre pointed at the cameraman's throat. "We told him to go home, but then he said that he'd open his mouth about us doing something regarding Natsuki without them, so we made a deal."

"Yeap, Reiji-senpai." Cecil nodded, but his eyes were filled with confusion as he faced Ozrock, whose face held an incredulous expression. "But uh... what exactly are you guys doing? And who is he?"

"This," Reiji shifted his attention back to Ozrock and his expression darkened, "is Tablo Ozrock, the man responsible for using Satsuki's existence to break Nattsun."

"What?" Cecil exclaimed, his cyan eyes dilating in utter horror.

"Kotobuki-san," Ozrock started, raising his hands, "I am sure that there must be a misunderstanding-"

"Don't lie to us!"

Reiji grabbed Ozrock's shoulders and slammed the older man against the wall, gritting his teeth in sheer anger as the emotions boiled and burned inside of him like water and flames.

"Reiji!"

"Reiji-senpai!"

"Ozrock," Reiji addressed the male without honorifics, his tone dark and laced with venom, "you are in no position to lie or play innocent when we already know the truth. Not to mention, I can see through you like a mirror, so _don't bother_ even trying to weasle your way out of this, alright? You broke our friend into pieces, Ozrock. You perverted the existence of his alter ego, mocked him and scorned at him, and called him callous words even as he broke down in that meeting room."

"Kotobuki-"

"Shut up. I won't hear any excuses."

Reiji shoved him against the wall and backed away as Ranmaru and Camus stepped past him and cornered the cameraman with Cecil right behind them. Cecil was silently glaring; Ranmaru cracked his knuckles; Camus was polishing his ice sceptre, leaving Ozrock no place to escape.

"You laughed at him." Reiji felt like he almost wanted to throw up and cry at that very moment, his fists trembling violently. "You mocked him, scorned at him and tortured him to the point that he broke into pieces. You did not just break our friend; you tore apart the heart of the kindest, most innocuous and caring person that I know, and I won't _**ever**_ forgive you for that. You twisted the truth and made him think of himself as a burden and a monster and so many other things that he's not, when you, Ozrock, are the real monster. You are a monster for laying a hand on Nattsun. You... you are even lower than a monster, lower than just _scum_..."

Something in Reiji's heart snapped audibly and he glared straight at Ozrock without any mercy.

"People like you..." Reiji spoke quietly but coldly, "don't deserve to _live_."

The moment Reiji stopped talking, Ozrock started to crack up. He let out a laugh, followed by another, then another, until he was guffawing at the top of his face, not caring that the four males surrounding him were staring at him in sheer disbelief and anger. Reiji knew that Ozrock was a callous monster, but he did not expect the man to laugh like some crazed animal that was about to devour its prey, and the thought that this man had been alone in one room with Natsuki and tortured the poor male sickened Reiji to no end.

_How can such a sicko even exist?_

"You kiddies are really going this far for such a pathetic boy?"

"Say that again?" Ranmaru demanded, his tone dripping with venom as Ozrock stared at the four idols with a twisted, smug smirk.

"You're calling me the monster when he's the one who punched his own friends in the face? When he's the one who wrecked havoc in that large concert and scarred hundreds of teenagers and kids for life? Pfft." Ozrock scoffed, grinning at them.

"That wasn't Nat-" Cecil started.

"And I see you're still in denial." Ozrock let out a scornful laugh. "Must be so hard to believe that you've always been mentors and friends to that garbage-"

"Shut up, scum," Camus ordered, his tone hard.

"I was simply a good, old messenger delivering the truth to that oblivious, foolish boy-"

"You lowlife-" Ranmaru hissed.

"You ought to be thanking me-"

"Shut up!"

A fist slammed against Ozrock's face and he crashed against the wall, shock and disbelief flashing across his features. Gasps resounded in the cold room as Reiji bent down and peered into the man's jet-black eyes, not a single shred of guilt and sympathy in his heart as he grabbed Ozrock's collar with the same hand that had punched him, that was now stained with his blood. Reiji could hear the others calling his name, but he knew that none of them were making a move to stop him; they shouldn't be. He adjusted his black fedora that partially overshadowed his face and his lips twitched to one side before he spoke with a calm but cold voice.

"You twist everything to the point that you yourself are a mere fraud full of nothing but lies."

Reiji pressed him harder against the wall, mentally noting how Ozrock was starting to tense. _Good that you're starting to get who's in control here._

"So how about we give you a glimpse of a cold truth... of what _real_ pain is like?"

Ai Mikaze

"What does it mean... to be moved, Natsuki?"

Natsuki's eyes widened in genuine shock as Ai continued.

"You have probably made this observation already, but I don't really understand the concept of human emotions," Ai admitted, placing his right hand over the left side of his hollow chest gently. "I hardly even grasp the meaning of joy and sorrow, so you can visualize how lost I am when it comes to the terms 'moved' or 'touched'. They just seem so... foreign to me."

"Ai-chan..."

"So Natsuki," Ai faced Natsuki and he somehow sensed that he was almost pleading with the male, "please tell me... please help me understand this."

When Ai finished, he could see a million thoughts whirling around his head like gales of wind. He had just acted out of impulse. He had just spoken out the thoughts that he normally kept to himself. He stared at Natsuki, who was looking at him with wide green eyes filled with astonishment, and he wondered if he had made the right choice telling his kouhai about this. It was not like Natsuki did not know Ai's identity as a robot; in fact, he, Syo and all of Ai's fellow members of Quartet Night knew that. All the other Starish members, as well as the public, had no clue and Ai was not about to disclose that fact to them, which was why he had always kept his birthplace a secret during interviews, stating that it was classified. Ai was uncertain regarding his decision, but he trusted both Reiji's words and Natsuki. One thing that Ai was certain when it came to Natsuki was that...

he would never hurt anyone.

"It's not something that you can understand just by reading and discussing it, Ai-chan."

Ai regained his focus and looked at Natsuki, who gave him a warm smile.

"The definition is 'to make someone feel emotion', but... there's more to it than that. I'll tell you about a time when I was moved. Do you remember when everyone performed 'Golden Star' for the first time?"

Ai nodded. "The time when you fell sick."

Natsuki nodded. "Rei-chan-senpai was the only one who noticed. I was struggling to keep myself together at that time. I remember how I slipped up on stage, even singing the wrong notes, and how upset some of you were, and I don't blame anyone; I did pretty badly. But I knew that the show had to go on, so I kept on smiling and did not say a word."

Natsuki's lips curved into a weak smile.

"But Rei-chan-senpai saw through me. He pulled me away from everyone and told me that he knew that I was sick, even asking the staff to get a glass of water for me. And before we went back to you guys, he told me to give him a signal if I could not bear it anymore. He told me to wave my yellow light stick; that's how he would know and he did."

Ai nodded quietly, remembering how Reiji had abruptly gotten up during the closing of the concert, walked up to Natsuki and told the audience that the two of them had to tend to a personal matter. Ai had to admit that the idea was quite intelligent; he had not suspected anything at all at that time.

"How much Rei-chan-senpai cared... the way he looked out for me even though he didn't have to..."

Natsuki gave Ai a genuine smile.

"That... touched my heart, Ai-chan. It made me feel deeply cared for. It made me feel warm and fuzzy and blessed all at once, and I couldn't help the tears welling up in my eyes when Rei-chan-senpai and I talked before going back to join you guys. It gave me the strength to keep pushing through, knowing that he cared about me and was there, and a part of it is me being grateful to him. It's... difficult to really describe it, but that's how I felt, like his words were in my heart and making it all warm, consoling me, like I am hearing the melody made when you move the string of a violin and being hugged by a warm teddy bear at the same time. It just..."

Natsuki placed his two hands on his chest with a deep expression in his green eyes.

"... really makes you feel something deep within your soul, right?"

Ai was stunned as he felt himself starting to overheat from trying to process Natsuki's words. Something about his words was making him feel something inside his supposedly-empty chest.

Something was warm.

"You touched my heart too back then, Ai-chan."

"What?" Ai's eyes widened in pure surprise. "I did not do anything."

"I was scared that you'd be upset because of my performance, but you weren't. You just didn't say anything," Natsuki explained, his eyes smiling. "And when Rei-chan-senpai told you guys that I wasn't feeling well, you placed a hand over my forehead and estimated my temperature."

"37.3 °C," Ai recalled, nodding. "It was the beginning of a fever."

"You doing that made me really happy, Ai-chan."

Ai's eyes widened as Natsuki placed his hand over Ai's over his supposedly-hollow chest and gave him a warm, earnest smile.

"It shows that you care, and I am really happy to know that." Natsuki's eyes smiled again, twinkling. "So thank you, Ai-chan."

"Natsuki..."

_"Because of him. It's Nattsun."_

Reiji was right. Natsuki wasn't just anyone. Natsuki was like a key that opened doors that you either did not know existed or did not know could ever be opened. Reiji had been completely accurate when he said that Natsuki was the reason that the other side of his personality was emerging despite how well he'd usually hidden it. Ai held his chest a little tighter and placed his free hand on top of Natsuki's on his chest, a faint smile forming on his lips on its own. Ai did not have a heart. Ai was not a human being and merely had an appearance of one, with a comatose boy's consciousness, who happened to be Reiji's best friend, linked to him in the hopes of him waking up someday. But Natsuki and Reiji made him feel as though he... was more human than he initially thought was possible. They made him feel like... he had an actual heart, made him hope that these "feelings" in his chest were real, even if he was not made to have the capabilities to contain human emotions. Quietly relishing in the warmth in his chest that he now could describe as "fuzzy", Ai smiled again at Natsuki, knowing that a part of this warmth was the thing called "gratitude".

_I sincerely think..._

"Thank you, Natsuki."

_That you may have touched something within me, even if that "something" isn't what I'm meant to have._

Reiji Kotobuki

Slam!

Reiji swung another fist at Ozrock's face, not a single muscle of his heart twitching at the audible groans of the wretched cameraman or the painful sound of the fist making direct contact with his mouth. That was the second punch he'd thrown. Gritting his teeth, he stepped back as he silently stared at the older man, not caring how much blood he was coughing out and how the floor and his own hand were stained crimson.

Ozrock did not deserve any sympathy.

"Do you need more, Ozrock?"

Reiji gave Ranmaru a sideways glance as the silver-haired male took a menacing step closer, the latter's heterochromatic eyes glowing with red anger.

"Because I'm sure that Ran here has a lot of power at his disposal."

"Why is Reiji-senpai suddenly so scary?" Reiji overheard Cecil whisper in fear.

"Just consider yourself lucky you're not in that baboon's place," Camus hissed.

"U-Ugh...ahaha..."

Ozrock half-laughed-half-coughed, grinning at Reiji and Ranmaru despite the blood leaking out of his bruised lips.

"If this is what you call 'real pain', then what I did to that weak boy is extraordinary," Ozrock's lips curled into a dark sneer, "huh?"

Reiji gritted his teeth.

"Shut your trap!"

Ranmaru struck his foot against Ozrock's crotch and the latter immediately shrieked in agony, all his arrogance and malice slapped off his face.

"This is still the mercy round," Ranmaru's tone was dark, "you lowlife."

Ozrock groaned and scowled at Ranmaru, who merely placed a hand on the wall right next to the injured cameraman, his purple and grey eyes glinting with unspoken threats.

"You promised that you wouldn't hold me back," Ranmaru's lips curved into a cold smile, "right, Reiji?"

"Yeap." Reiji smiled, tilting his black fedora. "He's all yours, Ran-Ran."

"W-Wait!" Cecil yelled, his voice trembling with emotion. "W-What are you senpais planning on doing?"

"Hurting him, duh," Ranmaru said, his voice oozing with boredom, giving Ozrock a cold look. "He went after Natsuki and broke him into pieces. Isn't that enough reason to destroy the guy? He's already lucky enough we aren't plotting a murder here."

"Not to mention, he doesn't even have a reason," Camus added, sauntering towards Reiji, Ranmaru and Ozrock, tapping his sceptre onto his palm. "Not that any reason is valid. Since he is not explaining himself, we are merely assuming that he's simply doing this out of malice and that is the lowest of the low, even worse than the most heartless animal. So he doesn't even deserve to be treated like a mere human being, but instead, a brutal monster set to be executed."

"Y-Yeah, but..." Cecil stuttered.

"W-Wait, 'executed'?" Now Ozrock was showing genuine fear. "Y-You boys do not understand-"

"Yeah," Ranmaru looked at him with bored eyes, "you think we are not scared to do what we want with you?"

"But you're idols-"

"Are you mistaking us for fools?" Camus demanded, shoving his sceptre against Ozrock's throat. "Did you think we did not make the necessary preparations to ensure that you can never speak again?"

"You guys are insane-"

"No, you are." Reiji looked down at Ozrock, speaking calmly. "What we did is nothing compared to what you did to Nattsun, so if we're insane, what are you?"

"Kotobuki-san-"

"Ran-Ran. Myu. Do what you want with him."

"It wasn't my idea, okay?" Ozrock shouted just as Ranmaru grabbed him on the collar of his shirt. "You think I'd be just randomly targeting that boy if I wasn't getting paid? I got freaking paid quite the fortune; that's why I approached the kid in the first place! I'm not that bad of a guy to just mess with the kid's head out of wanting to-"

"Liar!" Ranmaru roared.

"No, really-"

"Shut up!"

"Hold up, Ran-Ran." Reiji placed a hand on Ranmaru's shoulder, his eyes never leaving Ozrock. Just as Ranmaru was about to protest, Reiji continued. "He looks like he's telling the truth to me; I can see it in his eyes. And if there's someone hiring him, we oughta make them held accountable too, right?"

"But Reiji-"

"I know you guys don't usually take me seriously," Reiji gave Ranmaru a faint smile, "but trust me on this one, alright?"

Ranmaru stared at Reiji for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh. "Fine. But don't expect me to let you talk me out of beating the daylight out of this lowlife the minute he tells a single lie."

Reiji let out a chuckle. "Don't worry, I won't."

Ranmaru released a laugh before Reiji crouched down and grabbed Ozrock by the collar of his shirt with a warning expression.

"Now Ozrock, if there really is someone hiring you, who is it?"

"It's..."

Ozrock gestured Reiji to come closer and the latter glanced at Camus and Ranmaru, both who nodded at him as though to say they had him covered, before leaning closer to the cameraman. The cameraman uttered a name into Reiji's ear and the latter's eyes dilated in shock.

_It can't be._

Masato Hijirikawa

"What?"

"T-They what?"

"Hold up, Cecil!" Syo yelled, staring at the brunet with his jaw dropped. "So all our senpais planned this and then went to confront the guy who tortured Natsuki without us?"

"I can't believe this..." Tokiya facepalmed.

"Why didn't they tell us?"

"Exactly!"

Masato sighed softly as Syo, Otoya, Ren and Tokiya all spoke and asked questions at the same time, their voices overwhelming a poor Cecil. They had all been sitting in the lounge area when Cecil came back to the academy and told them about what had happened. All five of them had been shocked and incredulous. It turned out that Tablo Ozrock, a cameraman who had been at the Hayato concert that Satsuki intruded, was the perpetrator and with that information, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus had made a plan to corner Ozrock. As Syo complained about how they were not asked to join them and Ren's expression remained thoughtful, Masato could not help but contemplate what Cecil had mentioned about Reiji. Cecil had told them that Reiji was terrifying, that he did not hesitate to make the first move in hurting the cameraman, and Masato knew as much as everyone else that this was very unlike their senpai. Ranmaru had told Masato that Reiji was the most affected by what had happened to Natsuki, but never had Masato ever expected the male to act violently, given the amount of patience that he showed on a daily basis.

"So then they just let the guy walk off?"

"What else could they have done? They-"

Everyone's voices halted when they saw Ai, Ranmaru and Camus appear from the corridor, the three senpais entering the area where they sat together. Before Masato could greet them, Syo yelled out to them.

"You guys beat the guy who hurt Natsuki without us?"

Ai, Ranmaru and Camus all stopped walking and faced Syo, whose face was burning with rage.

"Kurusu-" Masato started.

"We decided to take the matter into our own hands," Ai said bluntly, crossing his arms as he looked at Syo with unreadable eyes. "There was no necessity for any of you to be there, Syo."

Syo scowled. "No nece-"

"Yeah, the four of us handled it just fine on our own," Ranmaru spoke, frowning. "We didn't think it was a good idea for you guys to tag along."

"Agreed." Camus nodded. "We-"

"It's not about us tagging along!" Otoya cried out, shaking his head with an agonized expression. "It's about us being there for Natsuki and making sure that that guy stays away from him from now on!"

"Yeah!" Syo yelled, clenching his fists as Ren, Masato and Tokiya nodded. "Natsuki's our friend too! We had the right to know who that scum was and to be there and confront him with you all!"

When Syo finished, Ai silently looked around at all six of them for a few moments before speaking.

"Is that what all of you feel?" he asked.

"It is," Tokiya answered, his voice firm, his eyes serious. "We all feel the same way. We care about Shinomiya-san."

"Are you sure?"

"Duh, Ai!" Syo yelled impatiently. "Why would you think we're unsure of that?"

But Masato already had uneasiness trickling inside of him like a river. He knew Ai well enough to know that the younger male had a reason for asking that question. Ai never asked questions to taunt or mock any of them; he always had a valid reason.

And Masato had a sinking feeling that it was not a pleasant one.

"Then why..."

Ai looked at all six of them expressionlessly.

"Why did one of you pay Ozrock to unveil Satsuki's existence to Natsuki?"

Masato and the other five members, including Cecil, froze in sheer shock. Next to Ai, Ranmaru and Camus were studying all of them with judging frowns.

"When confronting Ozrock, he spilled out the fact that he was paid to tell Natsuki and exploited the opportunity for his personal agenda: maliciousness," Ai continued, his blue eyes remaining expressionless. "He gave Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru the phone records and text messages that he kept just in case for evidence, and I processed and traced everything. It's all valid and is connected to the exact same person, who happens to be one of you."

Ranmaru crossed his arms as Ai spoke.

"Which one of you is it?"

"This is ridiculous, Mikaze-senpai!" Masato exclaimed, staring at the blue-haired male in utter disbelief. "Do you really think any one of us has the heart to hurt Natsuki like-"

"I have a name."

"Wha-"

"I will count until five," Ai said, his eyes cold. "If the person does not confess, I will say his name."

He raised his left hand.

"1."

Masato looked around at all five of his band members sitting with him incredulously, unable to imagine that any one of them could possibly be involved in this. Masato knew and believed in all of them more than enough to say that this had to be a mistake and that no one would confess by the time Ai reached "5" because none of them did it. None of them could ever have the heart to hurt their own best friend like that. However, when Ai said, "4," that was when Masato heard it.

Someone confessed to it.

And Masato could only stare in shock, frozen by the person's words.

_"Surely I'd received something precious_

_Too much for this body, an artificial life,_

_This warmth is beyond even words..."_

_\- "Innocent Wind", by Ai_ _Mikaze_ _(_ _Aoi_ _Shouta_ _)_


	11. Change

Ai Mikaze

"It was me!"

When Ai reached "4", the confession that he had been waiting for was yelled out by the right person and he lowered his hand as gasps were heard from the Starish boys in front of him. He had to admit: even though he often estimated probabilities of unlikely events occurring and predicted unforeseeable circumstances, Ai had not expected Reiji to tell him that the person who had hired Ozrock was one of Natsuki's fellow Starish members and close friends. So he could imagine the reactions of shock and disbelief coming from the Starish boys at the sound of the confession. Otoya and Cecil's eyes flew open in utter shock and bewilderment while Tokiya, Ren and Masato all snapped their heads over to the person who had yelled out his confession, his fists and teeth clenched, his head hung. The person was none other than Ai's own mentee and Natsuki's roommate and childhood friend... _**Syo Kurusu.**_ Ai maintained a calm expression, but he himself was still clueless regarding the shorter boy's motives.

Not to mention, the fact that Syo was the one who had known Natsuki the longest and was Ai's mentee did not make the situation any easier for him.

"K-Kurusu?" the normally-composed Masato stuttered, staring at Syo, whose eyes were squeezed shut in frustration. "It... It was you?"

"Syo?" Otoya managed to whisper, placing a hand on Syo's shoulder. "You... hired Tablo Ozrock-san... to tell Natsuki?"

Syo did not utter a word, his teeth gritted even more.

"Shorty?" Ren addressed Syo.

"Syo, are you-"

"Yeah, it was me, alright?" Syo shouted at the top of his lungs, his eyes snapping open, revealing blue eyes glowing with utter vexation and frustration. "But I didn't hire Ozrock to hurt Natsuki. I hired him because I've handled the situations with Satsuki for all these years and it's become too much for me to take! I can't keep going around and panicking over the odds of Natsuki taking his glasses off! So I hired him, knowing that he had the footage, and gave him other relevant information."

Syo gritted his teeth in agony.

"But I didn't think that Ozrock would make use of that opportunity to hurt, let alone break, Natsuki!" Syo looked straight at Ai, Ranmaru and Camus with a fierce expression. "You think I'd want him to do that to Natsuki?"

"But Syo... why did you have to hire Ozrock?"

Cecil looked at Syo, pain and sadness sheening his cyan eyes.

"Shouldn't you be the one to tell Natsuki? You've known him longer than anyone else, right?"

"That's what I thought at first," Syo replied, looking at Cecil and the other Starish members. "But I..." Syo paused for a brief moment, hesitating, "I was scared. Because of the exact same reason we all had not told Natsuki all this time. I knew he'd be really upset, to the point that he could really be broken inside of him... I just..."

Syo lowered his eyes, his voice wavering.

"I just... couldn't bear to see the look on his face, guys. Just imagining how hurt he'd be... knowing what Satsuki's done, blaming himself... I just couldn't bring myself to be the one to tell him. I know that's selfish and inconsiderate, but that's the truth!"

"Shorty," Ren spoke quietly, a look of understanding on his face, "you could have asked us-"

"How could I?" Syo exclaimed, burying his face into one hand, not looking at his band members or any of the senpais. "What was I supposed to say? How could I let you guys be the ones to tell him when I've been the one taking care of this Satsuki thing all this time? You wouldn't have understood. You guys would have pushed me to tell him! Not to mention, I just... didn't want to admit that... I was scared. That's one thing I hate to admit to anyone... especially to you guys. I know that makes me some kind of prideful coward, but I chose to be that prideful coward, all because I was selfish. And now Ozrock has broken Natsuki and all that... is on me."

Syo stopped for a moment, unable to look anyone in the eye.

"I... I'm sorry..."

"Kurusu..."

"Syo..."

Syo's body quivered with emotion and Ai felt his expression soften at the boy's reactions. Ai understood. Syo lacked the courage to choose the most appropriate options and resorted to hiring Ozrock, oblivious to the fact that the latter would manipulate the situation to shatter Natsuki. Ai overheard Ranmaru let out a soft "Tch" as Otoya and Cecil quietly patted the back of an unsteady Syo and Tokiya, Masato and Ren approached the blond boy with sorrowful expressions. Despite his inability to predict the outcome being taken into account, however, Syo was still in the wrong. Ai had yet to grasp the meaning of human emotions, but he knew that if anything, Cecil and Ren were right. Syo should have either told Natsuki himself or seeked the help of the other Starish boys, regardless of his fear and pride. Because if he had, Natsuki's state may not have been this severe. Camus crossed his arms as Syo slowly turned to face Ai again, the kouhai's blue eyes filled with pain.

"Let me guess... you... told Natsuki, right?"

Ai glanced at Ranmaru and Camus before answering.

"No."

Syo's eyes widened. "What?"

"Natsuki was asleep when we went back to Reiji's place," Ranmaru said, folding his arms. "The four of us discussed this and ended up with the consensus that we were to go and talk to you first and see if it should be us or you telling Natsuki."

"It'd only hurt him more if we told him straightaway that you were behind this," Camus added, his eyes strict. "He still has nightmares that keep him awake at night and thoughts that torture him during daylight, so you should know what telling him that it was you would cause."

"So..." Syo looked down, "I-"

"We will give you time until the day after our photoshoot on Tuesday," Ai said. "You have until then to gather the courage to tell Natsuki yourself. If you do not talk to him about this by the end of that day, Reiji and I will be the ones who tell him."

Ai turned away and took a few steps towards the corridor before looking at Syo over his shoulder.

"It was your lack of courage that inadvertently caused Natsuki to be broken by Tablo Ozrock," Ai stated bluntly but softly. "So prove to us that you really meant well for your friend by having the courage to tell him the truth."

No one said a word and Ai took it as a sign to leave and walked away, with Ranmaru and Camus right next to him.

_"It just... really makes you feel something deep within your soul, right?"_

Ai did not usually take matters like these into his own hands, but he noticed that he had been acting differently with a considerable amount of inconsistencies in his behaviour and empty chest ever since the night they ran out of the van to a crying Natsuki's aid on the sidewalk. Images flashed across his mind as he got closer and closer to the corridor: placing an arm around a guilt-ridden Reiji and going to the latter's apartment earlier to ask if he was alright, singing "Winter Blossom" to soothe a suffering Natsuki, and asking him what it meant to be moved. And Ai could feel a strange pain etch his chest as he thought of the possibilities of what would happen to Natsuki if he discovered Syo's involvement in Ozrock's words, regardless who ended up being the one who revealed the truth.

_No matter what words end up being used, the meaning will be the same. That much, I know._

Ai looked over his shoulder and saw Masato looking at him, a thoughtful expression in the Starish member's sapphire eyes.

_The outcome... will hurt Natsuki._

Turning away, Ai could feel an ache blossom in his chest and did not look back again.

Reiji Kotobuki

_People say that having a feeling that something will happen and it ends up happening brings you a form of satisfaction._

Reiji looked out of the window, at the cold night sky.

_It did not. Not today._

Before planning with Ai, Camus and Ranmaru about going to confront Ozrock, Reiji had mulled over Natsuki's words about what had happened and a puzzling question had seized his mind.

How did Ozrock know that the name of Natsuki's alter ego was Satsuki?

Satsuki did not announce his name to the public when he took control of Natsuki's body and if he did, there would have been people mentioning that name all over the place by now. That was when Reiji began to suspect that there was a chance that someone else was behind this, that someone close to Natsuki was involved in Ozrock's torture, directly or indirectly. And when Ai, Ranmaru and Camus came to his apartment, Reiji had looked all three of them in the eye and could tell that neither of them could be behind this. So that led to a rather twisted but logical hypothesis:

It could be one of the Starish members.

Reiji could tell that it was not Cecil simply by looking at the latter and Ozrock's reactions when they saw each other in the room. Cecil was too oblivious to be the perpetrator and not to mention, he did not even know who Ozrock was. However, Reiji had to admit that out of the remaining five Starish members, he had not expected it to be Syo, who had been friends with Natsuki from childhood. Syo, Tokiya and Otoya were the least suspected by Reiji to be the culprit; actually, the latter did not truly expect anyone from Starish to do it. So it had greatly shocked Reiji when Ozrock told him that it was Syo, despite Reiji half-expecting it to be a Starish member when the sicko chose to say it into his ear - why else would he have beckoned Reiji closer? Now Reiji could only wonder how Ai, Camus and Ranmaru were doing talking to the Starish members minus Natsuki, unsure if Syo would actually confess to it. But that...

That was not Reiji's main concern.

Reiji turned to face Natsuki, who was sleeping soundly on the bed, his face shrouded with pure serenity. Natsuki had recovered from his fever, but his nightmares and dark thoughts still came and went as they pleased, with Natsuki barely having any control over them in his own head. Gently tousling Natsuki's wavy blond hair, Reiji could not help the sad expression clouding his face like a fog. Natsuki treasured his family and his friends above everyone else, even himself. If he found out that his own childhood friend and fellow Starish member was the one who had hired Ozrock... Natsuki would be broken into pieces. Reiji was very scared as to how Natsuki was going to take it. The fact that Reiji was right regarding his presentiment that it could be a Starish member did not give him the slightest bit of satisfaction;

it only made Reiji fearful for Natsuki.

"You don't deserve to be hurt like this..." Reiji mumbled under his breath, "Nattsun..."

At that moment, the doorbell rang. Sighing heavily, Reiji walked out of the guest bedroom and unlocked and opened the door, revealing his fellow Quartet Night members.

He smiled faintly. "Come in."

All three of them entered the apartment and Reiji shut the door behind them.

"He confessed," Ranmaru said before Reiji could say anything.

Reiji's eyes widened slightly, but he soon nodded. "I see. Did he say why he did it?"

"It was out of his fear of seeing the reaction of his childhood friend," Ai explained as Ranmaru plopped himself down onto the red sofa. "And he did not want to lose his pride by asking the other Starish members for help. Thus, he called Ozrock instead."

"A foolish move," Camus remarked, "but not malicious."

Reiji nodded again, seeing the picture quite clearly in his head. "So you've given him the time limit, right?"

Ai nodded. "I told him to tell Natsuki by the end of the day of our photoshoot or we will be the ones who tell him ourselves."

"That's good." Reiji smiled wryly at his band members. "We'll just see how it goes from there."

"Yeah," Ranmaru agreed, laying down against the backrest. "The kid had better fess up, though."

"But I have to say... I'm worried about this."

Ai spoke softly, his eyes glistening with concern.

"No matter who tells Natsuki... it'll..." Ai lowered his eyes, "end up hurting him... right?"

Reiji looked down, having thought exactly what Ai had just said out loud. "I was thinking the same thing."

"But he has to know," Camus remarked.

"Yeah and besides, if anything happens, whichever scenario it is..."

His arms crossed behind his head, Ranmaru opened his eyes and looked straight at both Reiji and Ai.

"You two will be there for him, right?"

"Yep, you got that right, Ran-Ran," Reiji replied, smiling at Ranmaru. He turned to Ai. "Right, Ai-Ai?"

"Yeah," Ai responded, nodding with a faint smile. "We will."

"And I gotta say, Ai..."

Ranmaru looked at Ai with a grin.

"You showed a lot more emotion than usual when we were with those juniors."

"I did?" Ai inquired, his voice filled with sheer bewilderment.

"Yeah, I could even hear the juniors' gears turning, asking, 'Where did this emotion come from? Isn't he usually some kind of tsundere?'" Ranmaru teased.

Ai's face reddened in embarrassment. "I-I am not a tsundere."

"Just pulling your leg, kid."

"I am not a kid either!"

"See? You're showing even more emotion now! You're usually way calmer than this."

Reiji laughed as Ranmaru continued to tease a flustered Ai and Camus sipped his tea in amusement. How peculiar was it that this whole situation regarding Natsuki was making all four of them spend more time with one another. Not to mention, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus were showing their more caring sides now, and there was much less bickering. During the car ride back to Reiji's apartment, Ranmaru and Camus did not have even a single squabble. Ai turned to Reiji and the latter smiled at him, knowing that he had been right. This was the one thing that Reiji could be satisfied about being right about.

_Ai-Ai. You understand now, right?_

Ai's eyes widened, understanding the meaning behind Reiji's smile, and his face soon softened and formed a sincere smile.

_Nattsun's changed you, hasn't he?_

Masato Hijirikawa

"Kurusu."

"Yeah?"

"Have you figured it out?" Masato asked, leaning against the doorway of Natsuki and Syo's shared room. "How you're going to tell Shinomiya about this?"

"Ugh..."

Syo looked up from his pillow and gave Masato an annoyed look.

"That's the sixth time you guys have asked me about that."

"I was unaware that the others asked you first," Masato told Syo, stepping closer to the blond boy. "But I understand why they're inquiring about this. The closer we get to Tuesday, the more anxious we get about how Shinomiya will react. You know how he is."

"That's why it's just so hard!"

Syo threw his pillow across the room and it collided against the wall as Masato leaned against wall, the latter able to feel his band member's frustration from where he was standing.

"It's driving me nuts thinking of how to tell Natsuki about this. No matter how I'm gonna tell him, it's gonna hurt him really badly, and I hate that, Hijirikawa. I hate that no matter what, the result's gonna be more or less the same," Syo told Masato, squeezing his eyes shut in utter frustration and pain. "Not to mention..."

Syo gritted his teeth.

"What's with the senpais anyway? Why are they getting so deep into this whole Satsuki thing right now?" Syo ranted. "Especially Ai and Reiji. I still can't imagine what Cecil said about Reiji _or_ believe how cold Ai got back there. What's gotten into them? It's not like they've always been best buds with Natsuki, right? He's our best bud, not theirs!"

Masato sighed. "You know Kotobuki-senpai, he cares about everyo-"

"To the point that he'd shove a fist at that lowlife's face?" Syo interrupted sharply, and Masato stopped. "No way. The Reiji we know is a freaking clown and mediator, not the incarnation of some member of a mafia. And Ai? He's usually way more quiet and less emotional. But suddenly he's the one talking the most and giving out that freaking time limit, which I'm sure is either his or Reiji's idea. And it's not like Camus and Ranmaru aren't acting out of the ordinary either; have you ever heard of those two going around and beating a madman... with _Reiji_?"

"Well..." Masato was unsure how to argue back, "you do have some valid points..."

"You mean everything I'm saying is right, right?"

"But this could also be you being emotional," Masato pointed out. "Like when Shining Saotome-sensei chose to leave Shinomiya under Kotobuki-senpai's care, you were the least happy about it."

"Natsuki's my freaking roommate," Syo shot back. "And of all the people he could choose, it was Reiji, who's not even Natsuki's mentor. How am I supposed to be happy?"

Syo looked Masato in the eye.

"I mean, if you were the one who had to be taken in by one of the four senpais, wouldn't the most appropriate option be Ranmaru who is your mentor?" Masato did not reply; Syo did have a point. "So then why freaking Reiji? It can't be just because he's the so-called 'nicest' out of all of them, right?"

"Hmm..." Masato stroked his chin.

"See?" Syo yelled, pointing at Masato.

Masato quietly listened as Syo continued to rant about the current situation. Even though Syo was not in the most pleasant of moods, Masato had to be honest: the senpais were acting quite differently from usual. Masato himself could not help but stare at Ranmaru, Camus and Ai, especially the latter, when they were in the lounge area back there. Normally they would not get involved in their kouhais' personal issues, but this time, they seemed extremely invested in the current issue, caring drastically even more to the point that it was incomprehensible to Masato. During the entire confrontation, Masato had discreetly observed the youngest senpai, Ai, and saw how much more emotion there was in his normally-even tone and eyes. There was a coldness that seemed so foreign to Masato coming from Ai, the most stoic and silent member of Quartet Night who was suddenly the most talkative and invested in this matter.

_"So prove to us that you really meant well for your friend by having the courage to tell him the truth."_

Masato internally decided that he would discuss this matter with Ren and Tokiya later, knowing that they would have some useful input. But for now, Masato looked down at the kanji book that he had brought with him and pondered over Ai, Ranmaru, Reiji and Camus, as well as Natsuki.

_Please give Kurusu some time._

Masato could not forget the look in Ai's eyes when he and the young senpai locked eyes with each other just as the latter was leaving.

It was filled with an unspoken agony.

_Because we all want what's best for Shinomiya, right?_

Natsuki Shinomiya

"So tomorrow afternoon, we're off to the photoshoot with the rest of Starish and Quartet Night."

Reiji placed his hands on Natsuki's shoulders and smiled.

"You ready, Nattsun?"

"I'm actually pretty nervous," Natsuki admitted, smiling lightly, "but I promised myself that I'd do my best like I always do. So yep, I'm ready."

Reiji laughed. "That's so like you, Nattsun."

Natsuki laughed with Reiji. It was Monday night. Tomorrow they were off to the studio to have a water-themed photoshoot. Reiji sat in front of him on the bed, a wide grin on his face as his hand formed a thumbs-up sign. Natsuki had completely recovered from his fever, so he should be fine doing the photoshoot along with everyone else, but that was not what he was worried about. An image from his most recent nightmares, of the Starish and Quartet Night members being shot by Satsuki, sliced through his head like a katana, and Natsuki flinched, clutching his head tightly.

Natsuki was unsure... if he would be able to make it through the day.

"Don't let it overwhelm you, Nattsun."

A hand squeezed his shoulder and Natsuki blinked and slowly faced Reiji, who gave him a reassuring smile.

"Always remember that what Satsuki has done does not and will never define you, alright? And don't ever forget that all of us are with you; we'll always be your friends, Nattsun. We'll always be..."

Reiji pointed straight at Natsuki's chest.

"... right there."

"I know." Natsuki nodded, smiling faintly despite the pain welling up in his chest. "Thank you, senpai."

Reiji let out a light chuckle and nodded. Natsuki turned to the window, which displayed a midnight-blue sky illuminated by the pale, vivid moonlight, mulling his thoughts over, trying to push away the remnants of the nightmares of Satsuki and of his friends suffering.

"Rei-chan-senpai."

"Yes, Nattsun?" Reiji asked.

"Um..."

"No need to be shy or nervous, Nattsun."

Reiji wrapped an arm around Natsuki and beamed at him.

"You can tell good ol' senpai anything."

Natsuki smiled lightly. "Actually... I've been thinking of tomorrow. Of whether or not I can even make it through the day after what had happened. It..." Natsuki lowered his eyes, sorrow engulfing his heart. "It scares me... thinking of how I might get hurt, of how I might even hurt others if I can't even keep myself together."

He could feel himself starting to quiver, and he looked up at Reiji, who was listening quietly with a look of understanding in his grey eyes.

"Rei-chan-senpai... can you please..." Natsuki uttered softly, looking into Reiji's eyes, "guide me, so that I can grow at least... a little stronger?"

"Nattsun..."

Before Natsuki knew it, Reiji had pulled him into a tight hug, his arms wrapped tightly around him, patting him a few times.

"Of course I will," Reiji spoke, a smile evident in his voice. "I will be with you every step of the way."

"Senpai..." Natsuki's eyes widened and his lips curved into a bright smile. "Thank you so much, Rei-chan-senpai. That makes me really happy."

"Yeap, Nattsun."

Reiji pulled away and gave Natsuki a bright grin, winking.

"Always, Nattsun. Always."

Reiji then held out a fist and it took a moment for Natsuki to understand what the former was trying to do. "Aww! Don't leave me hanging!" With Reiji pouting, Natsuki's eyes widened when he realized the former's intentions and laughed before bumping his fist against the older male's, who grinned.

"And that's what you call a bro-fist!"

"Ohh, now I get it."

"Hold up."

Reiji stared at Natsuki incredulously.

"So you've never done a bro-fist before?"

"Um..." Natsuki tried to think, skimming through the memories in his head. "I've seen some of the Starish members do that, but... no, I have not."

Reiji then beamed. "Then it's a pleasure to be the first person you bump fists with!"

Natsuki smiled brightly. "Thank you, senpai!"

"Thank you?" Reiji's eyes widened. "What are you thanking me for?"

"No, I'm just..." Natsuki felt his cheeks swell with blood as his lips curved into a shy smile, "I'm just really happy... that you're with me, senpai..."

"Aww, Nattsun!" Reiji's eyes brightened with joy. "Senpai is really happy to have you here too!"

Reiji placed a hand on Natsuki's shoulder and held out his fist again.

"So thank you too... Nattsun."

Natsuki smiled warmly and bumped his fist to Reiji's, now understanding what it meant.

"Anytime, senpai."

...

"Let's bro-fist, guys!"

"No."

"Nope."

"Absolutely not."

"Aww, but-"

"No."

Natsuki was in the Quartet Night van with Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus, on the way to the studio for the water-themed photoshoot, where he would be reunited with Syo, Otoya and the rest of Starish. Natsuki looked down at his notebook, his heart faltering and stumbling in his chest. He was feeling quite uneasy, to be honest. He looked at Reiji, who was being ignored by his band members, and tried to smile, only for his heart to ache. He knew that Reiji had promised that he would be with him every step of the way, but he was still scared, really scared. He didn't know what to do if he suddenly broke down in the middle of the shoot, unable to control his thoughts or the dark voice in his head. The van swayed slightly as it made a turn on the toll road and Natsuki lowered his eyes back to his notebook, to the lyrics of "Mirai Chizu."

_"'Because you're not alone, right?'"_

_"Let's hold each other tight"_

_Will I... really be able to make it through the entire... shoot...? H-_

"...i... Natsuki. Natsuki."

Natsuki snapped out of his thoughts and faced Ranmaru, who was frowning at him from the seats in front of his and Reiji's, the former's heterochromatic eyes concerned.

"You okay, man? You don't look too good."

"Ran-Ran's right."

Reiji draped an arm around Natsuki's shoulders, his grey eyes filled with worry.

"You've hardly smiled or said a word ever since the van's started moving."

Natsuki's eyes widened for a moment before he shook his head. "I'm just... quite nervous about the shoot. And really, really scared. Even more so than last night."

He gave Reiji and Ranmaru an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry I'm worrying you guys, senpais, but it just... really scares me thinking about it."

"Nattsun..."

"You've gotta lighten up, man."

Ranmaru scratched his hair with a grin.

"You work really well just by being the Natsuki we know."

"Indeed."

Camus switched his phone off and turned to Natsuki, his eyes serious.

"Toss those feelings away. They will get in the way of your duties and we all know very well that you're better than that."

"Tch." Ranmaru shot Camus a look. "You sound so accusatory, you sweet-toothed baron."

Camus scoffed. "I am merely being straight-forward, you banana-head."

"Natsuki."

A hand was placed on his shoulder and Natsuki looked over his shoulder at Ai, who was leaning forward from the back with a light smile.

"It'll be fine. You never give up, right? With that kind of spirit in mind, you'll do well, I'm 100% sure of it."

"Yeap, everyone's right, Nattsun."

Reiji ruffled Natsuki's hair with a genuine smile.

"Not to mention, you said that you wanted to become stronger, right? And I could tell how much you meant it when you told me that. With that spirit and willpower, you'll do great, Nattsun!"

Natsuki stared at all four Quartet Night members, his heart shrouded with warmth. "Everyone..."

"To help get your spirits back up and rock that shoot, here."

Natsuki faced Ranmaru and his eyes widened at the clenched fist being held out to him. Ranmaru gave him a lopsided grin.

"Here's something to remember if those thoughts come and try to haunt you. We're all here to shove them all away, got that?"

"Yeap!"

Reiji held out his fist too, almost making contact with Ranmaru's, smiling brightly at Natsuki.

"We're all here with you, Nattsun!"

"Physically, we may be meters away, but..."

Ai carefully stepped down the aisle and with one hand holding onto Natsuki's backrest, held out his fist and smiled faintly.

"... we are connected by the soul, right? Like what you told me about how we move one another, right?"

"I don't usually do such foolish things, but..."

Camus was standing up and approaching all of them on the moving van. He looked at Natsuki, his eyes softening a little before sighing and extending his fist as well.

"... I guess this is an exception."

"So we're all nailing this one together," Reiji declared, tilting his white fedora as he faced Natsuki with a cheerful grin, "right, Nattsun?"

Natsuki looked around at all four Quartet Night members, his heart warm and fuzzy at the same time, like how he'd described what it meant to be moved to Ai. Warm tears were welling up inside of him as Natsuki beamed at all of them, the agony and fear that he'd felt earlier fading away like smoke into an azure sky, and curled his right hand into a fist, nodding at all of them.

"Yep. We all..."

Natsuki smiled brightly.

"We're all going to do our very best together!"

Then they all bumped fists, smiling with genuine determination to one another. The action itself brought a tremendous surge of strength and warmth within Natsuki, and he deeply cherished and embraced it.

"Thank you, everyone..." Natsuki said, smiling.

"Don't mention it, Natsuki. Besides, I couldn't just sit back and let the only bro-fists in your life be from a clown like Reiji when they're supposed to be cool."

"Wha- Hey!"

"I suppose you have a point. It's quite ironic, right?"

"I agree."

"Ai-Ai! Myu-chan! Nattsun, I am cool, right?"

"Yeap, Rei-chan-senpai is really cool!"

"Looks like you finally have an ally, Reiji."

"Huh? Aren't you guys all my allies?"

"No."

"W-What about friends?"

"Not a chance."

"W-Wait a minute! You're joking, right?"

Natsuki laughed as Ai, Camus and Ranmaru teased a flustered Reiji, who was panicking and yelling. He placed an arm around Reiji and the latter turned to him and smiled brightly, letting out a few laughs. Natsuki then glanced at the notebook and remembered "Mirai Chizu", one of his favourite Starish songs, and how he loved the sense of unity in emotions in that song. Unity... gave him true strength.

_"Wanting to change..."_

Natsuki's eyes widened at the words that suddenly flowed into his head with the cadence of the solo song that he was working on, in which he had been stuck with the line, _"I need your love."_ However, his lips eased into a sincere smile and he chose to keep the words in his mind to be jotted down later and smiled awkwardly as Ai facepalmed at a bickering Camus and Ranmaru, whom Reiji was trying to calm down.

_I want to change... to become stronger._

"Language, Ranmaru."

"You think I'm scared of this chunk of ice?"

_Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, Maru-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai, Syo-chan, Otoya-kun, Masato-kun, Tokiya-kun, Ren-kun, Cecil-kun..._

"U-Uh... Nattsun! Ai-Ai! Help me out here!"

"Yep, senpai!"

"Hm."

"Ai-Ai!"

_I'll do my best for all of you_ , Natsuki whispered in his heart as his senpais yelled more and more at one another and the van drew closer and closer to the studio, _I promise._

_"With you, the names of the notes_

_in the world's best bouquet_

_This map points towards tomorrow_

_dyed in seven colors..."_

_\- "Mirai Chizu", by STARISH_


	12. Emotions

Syo Kurusu

"Today's gonna be really fun!"

"Yeah," Ren agreed, smiling at a jubilant Otoya. "I appreciate how Maki changed the theme from water to watercolours, making it all the more eye-catching."

"I know right!"

Syo laughed as he, Tokiya, Masato, Otoya, Cecil and Ren walked along the corridor towards the room in which they would be having their photoshoot. Tamaki had texted them earlier, saying that there would be changes in the photoshoot. Syo had been assigned the colour pink, which was his favourite colour, and it ignited a pure determination and excitement in his heart, increasing his will to nail the shoot. Tokiya made a witty remark about Otoya being like a kid on Christmas morning, and Syo laughed along with the others. Syo honestly needed that booster and his friends' laughter.

Like, **_really_** needed those.

"And Syo, don't worry about Natsuki taking the news too much, okay?"

Syo's eyes widened and he turned to Cecil, who smiled reassuringly.

"Natsuki has a really warm heart. And besides, we're all with you and Natsuki; we'll make things as okay as possible for you."

"Yeah." Syo nodded, looking at Cecil and the rest of his band members with a light smile. "Thanks a lot, guys. I would be freaking out if you guys weren't here."

"The pleasure is ours," Ren said with a smile, ruffling Syo's hair. "That's what friends are for, Shorty."

Instantly, Syo's smile faded into a scowl. "I am not short!"

"Compared to him, you are, actually," Masato remarked, with Tokiya nodding in agreement.

"Shut up!"

Everyone laughed, and it honestly put Syo's heart at ease. Over the past few days ever since Quartet Night revealed to have found out that he'd hired Ozrock to break the news to Natsuki, Syo had been going through multiple phases of frustration, venting his emotions out by throwing his fists against punching bags, ranting to the others, and yelling his heart out when his mind failed over and over again to find a proper way to tell the latter what he'd done without potentially scarring him even further. Ai's reports to Shining Saotome had clearly shown that Syo's actions had deeply wounded Natsuki's heart, and revealing that he himself was the perpetrator would definitely break the blond boy. At the end, Syo had decided to go with the simple choice: talking to Natsuki one-on-one and telling the whole truth. He was sure that Natsuki would give him a chance to explain himself and would listen with an open heart; he was just that nice. But at the same time, Syo wished that he hadn't made the foolish decision of trusting a psycho like Ozrock with doing what he himself should have done.

Syo wished that it hadn't come down to this, but it did.

And Syo wanted to make things right, even if it could not go back to the way it was before.

They entered the room and at once, Syo could hear familiar voices chattering. His eyes widening, Syo looked around and soon halted.

_This is a freaking joke._

Natsuki was sitting together with Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus, the five of them talking with one another. Camus was pointing at a page in the novel that he was reading and Ai peered over the former's shoulder with a cup of tea, speaking. Ranmaru said something with his arms crossed behind his head and his eyes closed and Camus faced him with a scowl and Ai facepalmed. But Syo could care less about what the dysfunctional duo had to bicker about. His eyes were mostly focused on the other two people: Natsuki and Reiji. They were sitting close to each other on a red sofa, watching something together on Natsuki's phone, and both males were laughing.

"Oh my gosh, Nattsun! Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?"

"I wasn't sure that you'd like sad anime, Rei-chan-senpai."

"Wait, what? _That's_ a sad anime?"

"The data that I have gathered shows that a relative amount of sad anime starts off comedic before proceeding to wrench people's hearts. And couldn't you tell from the ominous introduction?"

"Kotobuki is rather dim-witted, Mikaze."

"Oh ho ho! But I'm not letting you cry alone, Nattsun! I'm watching with you!"

"Thank you, senpai!"

"... are you even listening, Reiji?"

"He's half-deaf too, ya know."

Syo gritted his teeth as utter anger boiled in his blood that began to blaze and scorch through his heart. So now he was going to have to deal with this _junk_? Now he was going to have to watch this lot, especially that moronic Reiji? Didn't they already know how freaking hard this was for him? First, the confession, and now they were having fun with Natsuki? Clenching his fists, he could feel himself quiver with emotion as he tried to tamp down his emotions, not wanting to make a scene.

_Freaking, useless-_

"Guys! Syo-chan!"

Natsuki noticed them near the entrance and waved at them with a bright smile, but Syo couldn't take it anymore and stormed to the other direction, into towards the hair-and-makeup area. Masato reached for his shoulder, but Syo shoved the pianist's hand away and increased his pace, refusing to turn back even as Natsuki, Otoya and a few others called out to him.

_I can't freaking do this._

Ai Mikaze

_Unsteady, loud footsteps. An abnormal shade of red on his face. Clenched fists. An adamant refusal to look anyone in the eye._

Ai quietly observed as Syo disappeared into the hair-and-makeup area, the latter unresponsive even to his own close friends' voices, as though he did not even hear them at all.

_As much as frustration was expected, this amount of anger was not what my calculations predicted._

"Syo-chan!"

"Oh! Natsuki!" Otoya was the first to swivel his head around to Natsuki, who sprinted towards his band members. Reiji was close behind the former while Ai, Camus and Ranmaru remained where they were seated. Ai remained silent as Natsuki glanced over at the direction in which Syo had disappeared with a worried expression.

"Did something happen to Syo-chan?"

"U-Uh- Oww!" Otoya winced as Tokiya smacked him on the head. "H-He's woken up on the wrong side of the bed or s-something like that! I-I'll go and check on him!"

"Otoya-"

"I'll go too!" Cecil exclaimed as he hurried after a running Otoya and Natsuki stared at them in shock. _You two are blatantly horrific at lying and being subtle that I do not even need to do my calculations to tell..._ Ai glanced to his right and saw that Ranmaru was facepalming and Camus was sighing while shaking his head.

_As far as reasons are concerned..._

Natsuki lowered his eyes and Ai could somehow sense the former's pain from where he was standing.

_... Natsuki is the only one who does not know, but your failure to avoid his suspicions is evidently backfiring._

"Ikki and Cesshi are just being extra panicky today, Shinomi."

Ren smiled at Natsuki and gave him a wink.

"I'll go and tell them to give Shorty some space. Don't want the little guy to yell before the day's even started, right?"

"Same," Masato said briefly before walking with Ren.

"I'll go too!" Natsuki said, but Tokiya stopped him by placing an arm in front of him.

"Just stay here, Shinomiya-san," Tokiya told Natsuki, shaking his head. "We'll talk to Kurusu-san. Kurusu-san may get more agitated if too many of us go and talk with him, so leave it to us, alright?"

"But Tokiya-kun, when one of us has a problem..." Natsuki looked at Tokiya with pain flashing in his eyes, and Ai noticed Reiji looking down, "don't all of us go and help him? The last time Syo-chan got upset, weren't all of us by his side?"

"Yeah, but this time, it's different," Tokiya said shortly, starting to walk away.

"How is it different?" Natsuki asked quietly.

"It just is."

"I don't under-"

"Just stay here!"

Ai's eyes dilated at the harshness in Tokiya's voice, at the rise in the latter's tone. The probability of the normally-placid Tokiya to raise his voice on a daily basis was close to 0, especially when it came to his own close friends, based on Ai's observations. However, Tokiya had seemed to deviate from his normal personality. Ai quietly observed as Natsuki stared at Tokiya with sheer anguish glimmering inside his green eyes, a harrowing pain diving through his artificial chest, and the latter slowly widened his eyes, the reality of what he'd done sinking in.

_These deviations... somehow hurt._

"S-Sorry, Shinomiya." Tokiya averted his eyes away. "Just... please let us handle Kurusu-san. At least, until he calms down."

"Tokiya-kun-" Natsuki started, but Tokiya had started walking briskly away, not sparing a single glance at him. His right hand was outstretched in mid-air, initially wanting to grab ahold of Tokiya's shoulder, but the latter had gone too far by now. Slowly, Natsuki lowered his outstrecthed hand as he looked down and Reiji rubbed him on the back.

"What..." Ai overheard Natsuki whisper as he approached the blond male and Reiji, "... is going on...?"

"Nattsun..."

_Slumped shoulders. Lowered eyes. An unusually-quieter voice. A hand reaching for someone who coldly rebuffed him._

Ai placed a hand on Natsuki's shoulder and looked down.

_You're deviating from yourself, Natsuki, and it appears that it's the kind of deviation that affects people the most._

Natsuki Shinomiya

Natsuki walked along the corridors alone, leaving the sounds and voices of the bustling staff behind him. He wanted to go and find Syo, who was no longer in the room when he wanted to check on him. Reiji had encouraged Natsuki, assuring him that things would be okay, while Ai had reminded Natsuki to be back before his photoshoot. Listening to his own footsteps, Natsuki mentally recalled how none of his band members would tell him where Syo was. They would either say that they did not know or tell him that Syo needed to be alone, which Natsuki couldn't believe as all of them had been conversing with the former right before his very eyes.

 _Why..._ Natsuki lowered his eyes, _why are you lying to me... guys?_

When he was about to pass the restrooms, the door swung open and he immediately stopped walking.

"Syo-chan. Masato-kun," Natsuki addressed the two Starish members.

Syo's eyes widened, but he merely stepped past Natsuki, walking even faster than before, and Masato nodded briefly at the former while keeping up with the shorter boy, as though he was trying to converse with him as little as possible.

Natsuki turned around, worry and hurt piercing his heart. "Is something wrong, Syo-chan?"

"No," Syo answered shortly, not even looking back at Natsuki as he kept on walking.

"But Syo-"

"Really, Natsuki." Syo let out a forced laugh, but he still would not turn around. "You don't have to worry about me. I'm good."

"But if you're really in a good mood," Natsuki inquired softly, lowering his eyes, "why are you avoiding me?"

What Natsuki did not ask was, _Why are all of you avoiding me?_

"I'm not avoiding you," Syo denied.

Natsuki faced Syo's back. "But-"

"Really, Natsuki."

"Syo-chan-"

"Shut up, Natsuki!" Syo yelled, cutting Natsuki off mid-sentence. Natsuki's eyes dilated in shock and agony. "It's none of your business and you don't have to keep being a goody-two-shoes by asking over and over when I just need you to freaking shut up! So just drop it and leave me alone, okay? Stop being a freaking burden-"

Syo froze as Natsuki's heart shattered into pieces.

_Burden._

The cold word piercing through him, Natsuki felt a lump form in his throat as Masato stared at Syo in sheer disbelief, a thousand thoughts overflowing and overwhelming his head like a cold flood. Tears were welling up behind his eyes as pain stabbed at his heart, but he did his best to hold them back as he smiled at his friends.

_"Stop being a freaking burden."_

"Okay, Syo-chan," Natsuki said softly, trying not to sound hurt. "Have fun at the photoshoot. You too, Masato-kun."

Masato and Syo did not say a word as Natsuki turned and walked away, the latter struggling to restrain the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. Reiji had told him that he wasn't a burden to anyone and Natsuki knew that the former would never lie to him, believed in him with all his heart. But Syo had just called him that, saying the cold word to Natsuki. As he stepped further and further away from them, his footsteps became more and more rapid like the images and thoughts whirling around his head like and uncontrollable vortex and his heart was thumping amidst a cold anguish that drowned it further and further like an endless, cruel ocean.

_"Just stay here!"_

_"Shut up, Natsuki!"_

_"Leave me alone, okay?"_

_"Burden."_

_Burden. Burden. Burden._

Tokiya and Syo's harsh voices rang inside Natsuki's head like a relentless, cold song as images of the Starish members all hurrying and walking away from him one by one sank his head, with the word _burden_ , the one thing that he never expected any of his friends to call him, repeating in his head over and over again like the stabbing of a torturous blade. Natsuki knew that they had been avoiding him. He knew from the way they had walked away and prevented him from going with them to see Syo, from how none of them had talked with him like they always did or told him where to find the latter. And words that he had done everything that he could to shut away in the corner of his memoria were resurfacing like the glints of cold smiles amidst the blackness of a night, echoing darkly in his vulnerable head.

_"Your entire being is an utter burden and pain to everyone!"_

_"You're a coward, Natsuki Shinomiya!"_

_"You are!"_

Clutching his head tightly with both hands, Natsuki could hear Ozrock's voice laughing inside in his head, followed by Syo and Tokiya's harsh words, sending twinges of pain stabbing through his mind and heart over and over again. Something was squeezing Natsuki's heart painfully, like it was being trapped between walls that were closing in on one another like they were trying to crush it into dust, his chest was tightening, and an acute agony lanced through his head, stabbing at his mind over and over again. He stumbled back against the wall and clutched his chest tightly, pleading for the pain to stop, trying to understand where this tightness was coming from. But he couldn't stop it and he couldn't understand. He couldn't do anything, no matter how hard he tried. And it made his heart ache even more as the tightness worsened, causing tears to fall from his eyes.

_I don't... understand... I don't understand... how to stop this... how to fix this... what's going on..._

_I don't understand... anything..._

Natsuki gritted his teeth, his eyes squeezing to a close as the tears continued to fall like rain.

_Why can't I understand anything...?_

Reiji Kotobuki

"Ittoki-san, you're up first."

"Yep!" Otoya responded to the photographer, Tamaki, cheerfully, walking briskly towards the set.

Reiji smiled at his mentee's enthusiasm, reminded of how much he liked Otoya's smile. However, Reiji soon shifted his attention to another thought as he looked around the room for a particular blond boy, aware that Natsuki's turn was directly after Otoya, Tokiya and Reiji's. He looked down at his phone screen, having already texted Natsuki awhile ago. But Natsuki had not replied.

"Have you guys seen Nattsun?" Reiji asked his band members, getting worried.

"Natsuki went to look for Syo about eleven minutes ago," Ai answered, looking up from his cellphone, "but he has not returned ever since."

"Saw the short kid with Masato come in earlier," Ranmaru said, leaning back against the backrest of the sofa, his eyes closed. "But no Natsuki."

An ominous feeling was sinking inside of Reiji as his worry amplified like a siren. "I'm gonna go look for him. Tell Tamaki-chan that I'll be back soon, alright?"

"Same," Ai said as Reiji began heading towards the door.

"I'll tell ya if Natsuki's come back," Ranmaru said as Camus sipped his tea. He snapped his head over to Camus. "Oh, so you're just gonna sit there all quiet and-"

"At least I'll have my eyes open unlike you sleeping commoner."

"Shut up, you ice maniac."

"Silence, you dirty monkey."

"Ugh..." Ai groaned as they left the room, shaking his head, Ranmaru and Camus' bickering voices still heard from afar. "They truly need a mediator to be in one room with them 24/7."

Reiji smiled awkwardly as they walked beside each other along the corridor. "Well... at least the staff will be there to pull them away from each other when we're gone, right?"

"Without injuries? I highly doubt it."

"T-That's impossible to avoid?"

But soon the atmosphere between them became heavier, like clouds of snow and rain were being draped over them like a lofty blanket. Both of them glanced around the area as they walked, trying to find Natsuki. The more time ticked by, the more worry streamed through Reiji's heart like a rapid river. He was trying to not think of the worst case scenario, but he knew that it was extremely unlike Natsuki to not respond to texts or calls. He dialed Natsuki's number and looked down at his phone screen, but Natsuki was not picking up. Reiji glanced at Ai, who shook his head briefly, and he started walking faster, his pace increasing with the worry and fear surging through him.

"Nattsun!" Reiji called out, hoping that he got a reply. "Where are you, Nattsun?"

When they entered a deserted area in the studio, Reiji heard a broken sob and froze. His eyes darted around until they fell upon Natsuki, who was slumped against a wall. Shock and agony struck Reiji's heart like a blow from a knife as Natsuki trembled and clutched his chest tightly, the latter's teeth gritted as tears rolled down his cheeks, his head hung. Without a moment of hesitation, Reiji yelled out to him.

"Nattsun!"

In less than a moment, Reiji had broken into a run towards Natsuki and pulled him into his arms, his heart wrenching at the sound of the latter choking on his sobs. Reiji could feel Natsuki quivering in his arms as the latter's tears fell onto his olive jacket, and he held the younger male tighter as Ai squeezed Natsuki on the shoulder, a sorrowful expression in the latter's blue eyes, his heart breaking like glass more and more as the former cried.

"My chest..." Natsuki whispered weakly, "it hurts... senpai... It feels so tight... and I don't know why..."

"Take a deep breath, Nattsun," Reiji muttered, pulling away to place his hands on Natsuki's shoulders, and looked straight at him. "Look at me, Nattsun. Just focus on me and Ai-Ai, just like before. No one is here to hurt you. It's just us and you know we won't ever try and hurt you, right? So just try to relax and calm down, alright?"

Natsuki tried to breathe in, but he ended up choking on a sob and more tears fell from his eyes.

"It's okay, Nattsun," Reiji assured Natsuki as he patted the latter on the back. "Just take it easy. No one's forcing you to do anything. It's okay."

And Reiji meant it. At this very moment, all that he wanted was for Natsuki to be alright. Natsuki gave him a shaky nod before slowly inhaling and then releasing a shaky breath. Reiji squeezed Natsuki gently on the shoulder as the latter repeated the process, his heart getting more and more relieved each time the blond male inhaled and exhaled properly, when Ai whispered that the latter's heartbeat was going back to normal. As his trembling lessened, Natsuki began to open his eyes and Reiji smiled faintly at him, rubbing him on the back.

"See? You're alright, Nattsun. You're alright."

Natsuki smiled weakly as Ai smiled as well, tears glimmering in his green eyes. "Yep. And my chest doesn't feel tight anymore. It's like all of it just somehow disappeared."

Natsuki smiled slightly brighter despite the pain in his eyes.

"Thank you, senpai, Ai-chan."

"You're welcome, Natsuki."

Reiji hugged Natsuki and the latter hugged him back. A deep silence then fell upon the three as they remained on the same spot, Reiji's arms around Natsuki, Ai's hand on the former's shoulder. After awhile, Reiji slowly pulled away and looked into Natsuki's eyes, his heart filled with concern.

"What happened, Nattsun?" Reiji asked quietly. "Does it have something to do with your band members?"

Natsuki winced and Reiji squeezed him gently on the shoulder.

"It does... doesn't it?"

Natsuki nodded slowly and lowered his eyes, a deep sorrow crossing his face.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Ai asked softly. "You know that we are here for you."

Natsuki did not say a word for a moment, a few more tears rolling down his cheeks. Reiji and Ai did not speak either as a deep silence veiled the air amidst the three of them, not a single footstep to be heard around them. Reiji soon felt a hand wrap itself around his on Natsuki's shoulder and the latter's quiet voice filled his ears.

"Why did Syo-chan... call me a burden... Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan?"

Reiji's eyes dilated in shock and Ai's widened as well.

_He_ **what** _?_

Sniffling, Natsuki slowly explained what had happened with a trembling voice that cracked more than once, from sensing that his band members were lying to Tokiya's harshness to what Syo had yelled at him. And the more Natsuki cried, the darker Reiji's heart turned towards Syo.

Reiji could hardly believe Syo. The Quartet Night members had given Syo the chance to set things right with Natsuki, but now it was clear that he had done the opposite. What made Reiji the angriest, however, was that Syo had called Natsuki the one name that hurt the latter the most. Of all the things that Syo could have said, he called Natsuki a _**burden**_. Up until then, Natsuki had been slowly recovering, but now Syo had sent him crashing back down with his words. Not only was Syo hurting Natsuki, but every single member of Starish was, and Reiji's heart clenched at how much pain Natsuki must be suffering. Natsuki was going through so much pain and needed his friends to be there for him more than anything, but none of his band members would even ask if he was okay.

"He had no right to call you that or yell at you, Nattsun," Reiji said as he rubbed Natsuki on the shoulder.

"It's not the first time that Tokiya-kun or Syo-chan yelled at me like that," Natsuki admitted softly and Reiji felt his heart clench, "but when Syo-chan called me a burden and after everyone in Starish acted like that, I just... I just couldn't hold it together. I don't understand why they're acting like this and what's going on and it just hurts so much, senpai..."

"That is inexcusable," Ai remarked quietly. "Even though they were evidently experiencing frustration, it did not give them the privilege of venting it out on you."

"But err..." Reiji said, unsure if he should be saying it now, "we actually know why Syo and the rest are acting that way. All of us do."

Natsuki looked at Reiji in confusion. "You do?"

Ai nodded. "Syo's been preparing to tell you something."

"Do you know what it is, Ai-chan, Rei-chan-senpai?" Natsuki asked.

"We do," Ai said, nodding, "but we decided that it was best if he was the one who told you since he was directly afflicted with it."

"It's..." Natsuki lowered his eyes, "not a good thing, right?"

Reiji knew that he could have lied, but he did not want to. He wanted to be sincerely honest with Natsuki just like the latter had been to him. So he said, "I can't say and lie that it is, but what I do know that even if that is the reason that Syo and your other band members are acting the way they are, it did not give them the right to do so."

Reiji wrapped an arm around Natsuki, smiling slightly.

"But don't mull over it too much, Nattsun. You said that we were all going to do our very best for the shoot, right? Guess what? You're going to shine like a star, Nattsun!"

Reiji winked at Natsuki with a grin.

"You'll be the MVP, Nattsun!"

Natsuki laughed and Reiji felt his heart brighten at the sight. "There it is! There's the happy, beautiful Nattsun smile!"

Out of the corner of his eye, Reiji noticed that even Ai was smiling.

"Thank you, senpai." Natsuki wiped his tears away with the sleeve of his blue jacket. "But will Tamaki-san even let me do the shoot looking like-"

"We will ask the photographer to move your turn back and explain the situation to him. I'm sure that he'll understand," Ai assured him. He smiled faintly. "So don't worry, okay? Even if your band members do not talk to you, you can always talk to me and Reiji, alright?"

"Yep!"

Reiji wrapped an arm around Natsuki, smiling brightly at him.

"So let's go back together, alright?"

Wiping his tears away, Natsuki nodded. "Okay, Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan." He smiled faintly. "Thank you for being there for me, for giving me warmth."

"Nattsun... when you say things like that..."

Reiji let out a soft laugh.

"You're the one giving us warmth."

" _I want to be there for you when you are hurt, to smile with you when you truly want to smile, to cry with you when you feel like crying."_

Natsuki's words echoed inside Reiji's head as the three of them smiled at one another and began to walk back to the room where they would have the photoshoot together.

_Starish isn't being fair to you, Nattsun, but..._

Natsuki laughed and Ai sighed heavily as Reiji made a joke, and the latter smiled widely.

_I want you to be able to smile despite of it. Because you deserve to, Nattsun._

Ren Jinguji

"Nice one, Ichinose-san!"

"Turn a little to the left!"

"That's it!"

"Oi, Ren, Masato."

Ren and Masato, who had been watching Tokiya do his photoshoot with a clearly-impressed Tamaki, swivelled around to face Ranmaru, who jutted his chin towards the right.

"Get over here," he hissed, and he definitely did not look pleased.

Ren and Masato nodded and approached Ranmaru, the latter crossing his arms. Ren was not stepping into this oblivious as to what his mentor wanted to talk about. He had had a feeling that this would happen when he saw Natsuki return to the room with Reiji and Ai. Natsuki had given him and the other Starish members a quick smile, but lowered his eyes almost immediately afterwards. And as the three males were approaching Tamaki, Reiji glanced at the Ren and the others and shot them a cold glare while Ai looked at them expressionlessly.

 _They know_ , had been Ren's thought as Reiji and Ai looked away.

And as Ranmaru's frown deepened and Masato and Ren stopped walking, the latter's heart turned even more grim.

_They told you, didn't they, Ran-chan?_

"I half-expected the short kid to show up with a sour mood," Ranmaru spoke before Masato or Ren could, "which happened. But less than halfway into the day, he's blown up at Natsuki and called him one of the worst things you could ever call anyone. Don't make me say it; you know what he said, don't ya?"

 _Burden_ , Ren mentally recalled, and his heart clenched.

_What were you thinking, Shorty?_

"Syo's one problem, but let me say this straight: I've got a problem with all of you."

Ranmaru's tone was grating and beside Ren, Masato looked down.

"And it's not just me. Reiji, Ai and Camus, especially Reiji, can't believe you Starish people. Natsuki comes back and meets you guys again after like, what, a week of not having any contact with you, and none of you spared even a minute to ask if he was okay? None of you had the decency to ask how he was, if he was doing any better, or just simply be there for the guy. And when Syo yelled at Natsuki..."

Ranmaru snapped his eyes over to Masato.

"... you didn't even bother to stop him? What on earth was going on in your heads, huh?"

Ranmaru almost yelled, and a few staff members that were passing by glanced at them in shock. Ren folded his arms and lowered his eyes, guilt piercing his heart.

"Well?"

"Shorty's been having a rough time ever since you, Baron and Aimi left that night, after you found out that he's the one who hired Ozrock." Ren sighed softly. "All of us - Cesshi, Icchi, Ikki, Hijirikawa and me - we were all trying to make things easier for him. We knew he'd get anxious if we all stayed around Shinomi, afraid that any of us, especially Ikki and Cesshi, would accidentally tell him what happened, so we agreed to stay away from Shinomi for the time being."

"And we tried to keep Shinomiya from Kurusu so that Kurusu could clear his head without exploding out of pent-up emotions," Masato explained, his eyes slowly meeting Ranmaru's. "Kurusu was already upset enough as it was; he was not going to be able to think straight if he was around Shinomiya and..."

Masato shook his head.

"That was clear when he lashed out at Shinomiya earlier."

Ranmaru looked at both of them and sighed heavily.

"You know, from what you just told me alone, I can tell exactly what's wrong with the idea."

He narrowed his eyes.

"You were trying to help Syo, right?"

Ren and Masato nodded.

"Then what about Natsuki?"

Ren's eyes widened as his heart froze.

"He was crying, ya know." Ranmaru's voice was quieter. "He was so hurt by what you guys did, especially by what Syo said to him. Don't think that just because he smiled at you when he passed by it means that he wasn't really upset. That's just him being too nice, and maybe that's why you didn't really consider his feelings, I dunno. But that's just total garbage for a reason to do what you just did to him, and ya know that, don't ya?"

Ranmaru turned away, no longer facing them.

"You guys are lucky enough to have friends, so treat _all_ of 'em right, got that?"

With that, Ranmaru walked away towards the rest area where Camus and Ai were. Masato heaved a heavy sigh and shook his head.

"Kurosaki-san is right."

"Can't deny that," Ren agreed quietly. "We all hurt Shinomi. He must have been so hurt if he even cried, and it's all our fault."

"So what do we do, Jinguji?" Masato inquired.

Ren glanced over at the rest area. Ranmaru was speaking with Camus and Ai, both who looked over at Starish.

"I think we'd all better go and talk to Shinomi after we all have our turns," Ren suggested as he and Masato started to walk towards where Otoya, Syo and Cecil were watching Tokiya have his photo session. "If we go now, we may only end up upsetting him, and Shorty's still in a bad mood. Let's talk to Icchi and the others about it when he's done with his turn since Bukky is next."

"Good enough," Masato remarked briefly.

But Ren could tell that both of them were unhappy about the situation. Ren could still hardly picture the sight of the kind-hearted, bright and happy Natsuki in tears, never seeing the latter cry before. And Natsuki had cried because of everyone in Starish, all who were supposed to be there for him, including Ren himself. Tamaki had postponed Natsuki's session, along with Ai and Syo's as they would be in the same category in the magazine, to the very end, but Ren was unsure how well Natsuki would be able to perform with that much hurt. When Otoya asked them what had happened with Ranmaru, Ren merely shook his head and placed a hand on the redhead's back, smiling sadly.

_I'm sorry, Shinomi._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Relax your arms a little."

"Soften your expression."

"A little stronger, Shinomiya-san."

Natsuki nearly winced as the snapping of the camera rang inside his ears and the yellow-dyed water drenched his clothes and skin, splattering against the backdrop behind him. The photoshoot was not starting well. Tamaki had been giving advice on how he could improve, but Natsuki was struggling to fix his own poses and expressions. The moment he stepped on set, he had been hyperaware of how his band members were staring and observing him, and it only made his heart falter and ache in his chest like a butterfly with torn wings, his hurt and nervousness taking over. As he tried to concentrate and Tamaki told him to relax, Natsuki could see Tokiya whispering something to Cecil while glancing at Natsuki, and he felt his heart falter even more.

_How... am I going to do this...?_

"You can do it, Nattsun!"

His eyes widening, Natsuki turned around to face Reiji, who was sitting with Ai, Ranmaru and Camus at the table nearest to the set, flashing him a bright smile with two thumbs-up signs in the air.

"We all believe in you! I told you that you'll be the MVP, right?" Reiji's smile brightened. "I mean it all the way, Nattsun! I know that you can do this, Nattsun! We all do!"

Ai nodded with a smile as Camus crossed his arms and Ranmaru pumped a fist at Natsuki's direction, the gesture reminding him of the bro-fist that he and the four Quartet Night members had shared during the ride to the studio. Natsuki felt emotions tug at his heart like a gentle hand against a violin's strings as he nodded at Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus with a sincere, determined smile.

"Thank you, Rei-chan-senpai, guys, for believing in me."

"Go, Nattsun!" Reiji cheered as Natsuki faced Tamaki again, who was smiling now.

"Now there's the strength I'm looking for!" Tamaki said, smiling broadly. "Ready, Shinomiya-san?"

Natsuki nodded with a smile. "I'm ready, Tamaki-san."

Natsuki chose a pose that he thought was fitting for the colour that he was given, and soon he felt the yellow water splash against his upper body, barely missing his face. "Now we're getting the shots, Shinomiya-san!" Tamaki exclaimed and Natsuki smiled as he could hear Reiji cheering from where he was. Natsuki continued to do different poses and expressions, moving with the flow of the session as Tamaki gave him pointers and the camera flashed with the water splashing against the former's body, his heart much calmer now. When he saw the Starish members out of the corner of his eye, Natsuki's heart would throb with an unhealed agony, but he would do his best to focus on Reiji and Ai's words, as well as the memories from the van, with his mind and heart, and they gave him the strength to do his best:

_"You said that you wanted to become stronger, right?"_

_"I don't usually do foolish things, but... I guess this is an exception."_

_"Physically, we may be meters away... but we are connected by the soul, right?"_

_"We're all here to shove them all away, got that?"_

_"I will be with you every step of the way."_

_And I want... to do the best I can..._ Natsuki smiled faintly, emotions lighting up his heart as he changed poses again, _for all of us._

"Last frame, Shinomiya-san!" Tamaki exclaimed with a broad smile.

Natsuki looked straight at the camera and smiled brightly, hoping to represent the brightness and light-heartedness of the colour yellow, and the water splashed against his body as the camera snapped one last time.

"And it's a wrap!" Tamaki announced, looking up from the camera at Natsuki. He gave Natsuki a thumbs-up sign. "We got a lot of great shots! Great job, Shinomiya-san!"

"Nattsun!"

Natsuki turned and his eyes widened as he was suddenly glomped into a tight hug by Reiji, who laughed happily. "Rei-chan-senpai!"

"You did it, Nattsun!" Reiji cried, pulling away and smiling brightly at Natsuki. "You did awesome! The way you went with the flow and just smiled and posed like that... You nailed the shoot, Nattsun!"

Natsuki felt warmth veil his heart like a blanket. "Rei-chan-senpai-"

"Oi, Reiji. You're getting yourself wet from the water, ya know?"

"He gets even more foolish when he acts on his impulse."

"Can't argue with you there."

"That's okay! I can just dry my clothes off later!"

"Just make sure that you don't catch a cold, Reiji," Ai said as he, Ranmaru and Camus approached the set. He looked at Natsuki and smiled. "But Reiji's right, Natsuki. You persevered and it was vividly displayed in your performance, and it all turned out fine. You did well, Natsuki."

Camus grunted in agreement as Ranmaru grinned. Natsuki let out a laugh and shook his head.

"I was able to do my best because you guys were all there for me, believing in me," Natsuki admitted, giving them a warm smile as Reiji slung an arm around him. His heart itself was smiling now. "I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you again, Ai-chan, senpais."

Reiji, Ai and Ranmaru smiled as Camus nodded.

"You and Reiji go and head over to change and dry off," Ranmaru said. "I don't wanna deal with a sick Reiji. Don't wanna find out if normal Reiji or sick Reiji is more annoying."

Reiji's eyes widened as they all began walking. "H-Hey!"

"If he catches a cold, he will need more tea to be brewed, which only Natsuki and I have on a daily basis," Camus remarked, "and I am not sharing mine." He looked at Natsuki. "So if Kotobuki catches a cold, I am not responsible for the drinks."

"Okay," Natsuki responded with a smile, "I'll fix tea for all of us after I get changed so that no one gets sick."

"Aww, Nattsun!" Reiji beamed.

"You mean 'all of us except that baron'," Ranmaru corrected, shooting Camus an odd look. "Let the sugar addict fix his own so that he burns off at least a few more calories from all his sugar rushes."

"Hmph. Says the hypocrite who eats an excessive amount of meat each day and fall asleep like a log."

"Don't you dare drag my food into this!"

Ai facepalmed as Reiji and Natsuki tried to lighten the mood between the bickering duo who was grabbing the staff's attention. Natsuki looked over his shoulder and saw that the Starish members were all observing him and the Quartet Night members, their faces too far away for Natsuki to discern their expressions. _Guys... Syo-chan..._ A hand squeezed his shoulder gently and Natsuki looked at Ai and Reiji, who gave him reassuring smiles. Natsuki smiled back, grateful that they, Ranmaru and Camus were here with him, knowing that he wouldn't even been able to face the photoshoot or his own band members without them.

_So... Syo-chan's the only one who hasn't had his turn yet._

Natsuki felt his heart ache, but he quietly wished his roommate well.

_You can do it, Syo-chan._

Masato Hijirikawa

"So... Natsuki pulled through at the end..."

Otoya tried to sound cheerful, but his eyes were tight with pain.

"... even though... we hurt him... huh?"

Ren and Tokiya sighed as Cecil lowered his eyes and Masato's arms remained folded. They all knew that Natsuki initially struggled at the photoshoot because of them. They could see how pain would flash across his facial expressions everytime he happened to look in their direction, and it honestly worsened Masato's guilt that had not been alleviated at all by Ranmaru's words. Observing as Natsuki walked towards the showers and changing area with Reiji and the other senpais, Masato quietly thanked them for being there for the blond male.

Even though the fact that _they_ were the ones who were supposed to be there for Natsuki pierced him like a katana.

"And you think we can be happy about that?"

Masato's eyes dilated at the coldness in Syo's voice. Syo's head was hung and his teeth were gritted, his hands clenched into fists, his blue eyes flashing with anger.

"Kurusu-" Masato began.

"He pulled through because of freaking Reiji, Ai and the rest of that dysfunctional group when it should be because of us, not them!" Syo exclaimed, his tone edged with rage. "And everyone knows that! Did you see how happy Tamaki was when he saw Reiji running towards Natsuki after the shoot was done? And how confused the staff seemed when it was them with Natsuki and not us?"

Syo snapped his eyes over to Otoya, his eyes filled with spite.

"What does that make us?"

"Syo," Cecil tried to change the topic despite the frantic look in his cyan eyes, "you are going to have your photoshoot soon-"

"Yeah, yeah," Syo snapped, scowling as he got up abruptly from his chair. His fists were shaking. "But I swear to God, guys, if I give some rubbish performance..."

His lip twitched.

"I blame that moronic Reiji of all of those busybodies."

"Kurusu-" Tokiya called, but Syo was already heading towards the set. He sighed, rubbing his own forehead. "This isn't going to go well for him, is it?"

"I doubt it," Masato replied, shaking his head. "Unstable thoughts along with that amount of anger and frustration are only going to hinder Kurusu from doing well."

He lowered his eyes.

"But my main concern is afterwards."

Ren closed his eyes as Cecil and Otoya looked around at all of them with worried expressions, all five of them knowing exactly what Masato was referring to.

"How is he going to talk to Shinomiya?"

Natsuki Shinomiya

"You need to have a softer expression, Kurusu-san. Frustration is not blending well with the colour that you were given."

"G... Got it."

"Now relax those muscles and try a more graceful pose."

Pain and worry for his friend etched Natsuki's heart as he watched Syo's photoshoot with Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus, the five of them sitting together and drinking the tea that Natsuki had fixed a few meters away from where Syo was standing. It was more than halfway through Syo's photoshoot, but the latter was still struggling to get even a single good shot, based on Tamaki's comments. His clothes drenched in water that had been dyed a bright pink, Syo muttered something under his breath before changing his pose, frustration flashing inside his blue eyes.

"Take a deep breath, Shorty. Just relax and-"

"I know that!" Syo yelled at Ren, but his eyes soon widened and he looked away. "S-Sorry."

"Syo-chan..." Natsuki whispered, lowering his eyes as his hands wound around his cup of tea a little tighter.

"He's not gonna do any better if he doesn't keep his anger in check," Ranmaru remarked, shaking his head. "The colour pink isn't supposed to be matched with anger."

"According to my data, pink is the colour of love, romance, charm, sweetness and innocence," Ai stated, his voice quiet as he looked down at his cellphone. He looked at Natsuki with a concerned expression. "His calamity is hindering his performance, especially since it is detrimental to the theme colour that he was assigned to."

"But if even his friends' encouragements only fuel his anger..."

Camus poured himself more tea with a deep frown.

"... how will he excel?"

"He won't be able to," Reiji answered, adjusting his fedora. "Not unless he pulls through from within himself."

Reiji gave Natsuki an apologetic smile, as though he knew how much the truth hurt him.

"We're sorry, Nattsun."

"Last frame."

The camera snapped one last time and the splashing of water filled Natsuki's ears before Tamaki let out a heavy sigh.

"I'm sorry to say this, but this is far from your best performance."

Natsuki's heart wrenched for his friend as Syo nodded wordlessly, pink water dripping from the latter's petite figure down onto the ground.

"I hope that for your sake, Kurusu-san, there is at least one good shot in there for me to choose for the magazine. Other than that, we're done for the day, everyone!"

At once, Syo hurried towards the shower and changing area, refusing to look anyone in the eye. Natsuki looked over at his band members and his heart clenched at the worried and upset expressions on their faces as they watched Syo disappear into the shower area. Natsuki looked down at his cup and saw that it had become cold, noting that there was no more white vapour flowing up into the air from the cup's contents. Natsuki then decided that he was going to wait for Syo to dry himself off and change clothes to go and talk to him, to try and comfort the younger boy. The others may be preventing him from seeing Syo, but Natsuki decided that the former was more important. He was not going to leave until he was sure that Syo was going to be alright. After all...

Syo was his friend too.

...

Syo came out of the shower and changing area about half-an-hour later. Natsuki and Reiji had been watching anime together when the former glanced up and saw Syo heading towards the other Starish members, who waved at him. Natsuki got up and Reiji and Ai, both who knew what he was about to do, smiled encouragingly as he walked towards Syo, who had not noticed him. Masato, Otoya, Cecil and Ren's eyes widened as Tokiya pointed at Natsuki, and Syo turned around, only for his eyes to meet the former's. Syo froze, but Natsuki did his best to smile and kept in mind what he came to do.

"Are you feeling better, Syo-chan?" he asked.

Syo stared at Natsuki incredulously before letting out a "tch" and looking away.

"What do you think?"

Natsuki felt his heart squeeze in pain, but he tried to smile despite of it. "I just wanted to make sure that you're going to be alright-"

"You think that just because it's over, I'll be alright, Natsuki?" Syo scoffed.

"Hey, Kurusu." Masato stared at Syo in disbelief as Natsuki tried to not wince. "Shinomiya only means well. Like the rest of us, he's worried about you-"

"Shut up, Hijirikawa!" Syo yelled and Masato froze. "Shut up if you don't know what you're talking about when you should be! He's like the rest of you? Like he's ever like you guys, especially now. How is he the same as you people..."

Syo gritted his teeth.

"If he's the one who's always been freaking me out and messing with my freaking head, including back in that freaking shoot?" Syo shouted.

Natsuki's eyes dilated as his heart cracked audibly in his chest. "Syo-chan-"

"When can you ever just shut up and leave me alone, Natsuki?" Syo shrieked, glaring straight at Natsuki, his body quivering with sheer rage. "You think you coming up to me and asking if I'm freaking okay is going to make me feel better like it's that simple, huh? You think that being the goody-two-shoes that you've always been is gonna make my day or create some freaking miracle? Yeah right! Especially since whether your messed-up head bothers to realize it or not, you're the source of all my problems and I mean all of them!"

Natsuki could feel his heart cracking even more as it started to quiver and his ears barely heard the footsteps rushing from behind him. He stared at Syo as tears started to well up all over again.

_Syo...chan...?_

"That psychotic syndrome of yours, how your glasses keep falling off and how it creates freaking chaos... I'm sick of all of it! You have no freaking idea how stressful and hard it was to keep you and your useless glasses in check! You were no help at all! You're completely, utterly useless! You've always been! Oblivious, useless, troublesome, ridiculous- I hated it, alright? I hated how I couldn't say anything knowing it'd break you when you've been nothing but a liability, a grown man who needs to be babysat or he'll go freaking haywire and it'll be on me!"

Each word that Syo spat out stabbed Natsuki's heart, making it bleed and break even more as he remained paralyzed on the ground, his body trembling, hot tears blurring his eyes as deep agony, sorrow and grief flooded through his entire heart and soul like an uncontrollable tsunami, destroying him. Syo pointed a menacing finger straight at him, his eyes blazing.

"You have always been nothing but a freaking burden, Natsuki. Always getting on my freaking nerves-"

"Stop it, Syo," Ai interjected, but Natsuki could barely hear him as Syo surged on. The first tears slipped out of Natsuki's eyes.

"- and you have no idea how happy I am that I got Ozrock to tell you. So that you can finally stop being my problem and handle it all yourself so that it can finally drive you mad like it drove me nuts! Now that you know you can finally deal with your Gemini-syndrome sickness on your own because I'm sick and tired of you being constant baggage-"

"Shut up!"

Reiji's cold voice silenced Syo, but Natsuki could not keep himself together anymore. With a shattered heart whose pieces only pierced his soul and made him bleed, Natsuki turned away and broke into a run, unable to restrain the tears that ran down his face like rapids. He only wanted to make sure... that Syo was alright... but now the latter... was calling him a burden too. And he didn't just call Natsuki that one word; he slammed Ozrock's words right back at Natsuki's face and heart, and it was breaking him, torturing him. Was that... what Syo had felt about him this whole time...? Had he always been a liability... in his eyes...? If Syo felt that way, what about everyone else...? Just how many of the people he loved and cared about thought that way of him? He could hear people calling out his name, but he only ran faster and faster, unable to stop the tears, unable to control the whirlwind of thoughts and words in his head, those words and thoughts themselves crumbling in his own mind.

He was falling away and apart.

Ren Jinguji

"Natsuki!"

"Nattsun!"

Natsuki bolted away from all of them and as some of them called out to the blond boy, Reiji and Ai ran after him without hesitation, leaving he rest of them where they were standing. Ren himself could hardly believe what just occurred. He spun around to face Syo, whose head was hung, his blue eyes unreadable. Syo had just shrieked, mocked and yelled at Natsuki, who had approached him to ask if he was okay. And right in front of everyone, tears had slid down Natsuki's face and of all the time that he had known the blond boy, Ren had never seen him cry. The moment Natsuki started to cry, Ren's heart had cracked inside his chest. Ai's reports had given them a glimpse of a wounded Natsuki, but seeing the kind-hearted blond like that before his very eyes deeply pierced Ren's heart like a thousand needles - no, even worse than that. The Natsuki that he had grown used to would smile even when he had been hurt by others, but this time, he couldn't even crack a smile. He couldn't even say a word. Instead, his face held a broken expression filled with excruciating grief and agony as he stared at Syo, who had kept shouting at him relentlessly without a shred of mercy. And now Natsuki had left the room with Reiji and Ai running after him, and Syo remained where he was, refusing to look at anyone.

Ren could not say anything either.

"So that's what you call 'making things right'?"

Ranmaru, who had previously been right behind Natsuki, shot Syo an icy glare, his heterochromatic eyes burning with utter rage.

"We gave you the benefit of the doubt that you had no idea about Ozrock being a complete sicko, but this time, it's all on you. He just wanted to be there for you and you broke him, kid. We gave you a chance to fess up and what did you do? You used the chance to slam everything back at him and even blamed him when he didn't do anything wrong. You'd be in the gutter by now if the person you said all that rubbish to wasn't someone kind like Natsuki-"

"Kurosaki-san-" Masato tried.

""And you all." Ranmaru snapped his eyes over to the other Starish members. "None of you were actually there for him. None of you made sure that he was fine even after Syo yelled at him the first time. Natsuki cried, ya know? You all made him freaking cry. And when Natsuki was beaten like that, none of you gave your all to step in. Instead, you lot left it up to Ai and Reiji. Tch."

Ranmaru shook his head in disdain, scowling with utmost disgust.

"To think that this group's strength is said to be built from bonds..."

Ranmaru began walking away as Ren looked away, the latter unable to say a word.

"I don't see it."

Reiji Kotobuki

"Nattsun! Nattsun!"

Reiji yelled out to Natsuki as he and Ai sprinted along the corridor, slowly gaining on the blond Starish member who had just been broken by Syo. Willing himself to run faster, Reiji surged ahead and narrowly managed to grab ahold of Natsuki's arm, both males halting at the same time. Reiji tightened his grip, knowing that Natsuki was most likely doubting his own self, wondering if he was a burden to everyone because of Syo's words. But Natsuki could never be a burden. Not to Reiji. Not to Ai. Not to anyone.

Reiji wished that Natsuki understood that, believed that.

And as his heart ached thinking of how broken Natsuki was at this very moment...

Reiji knew that he was not going to forgive Syo for this anytime soon.

"It's me and Ai-Ai, Nattsun."

Reiji spoke softly, giving Natsuki's arm a gentle squeeze.

"Please turn around... Nattsun."

Natsuki shakily nodded once before slowly turning around to face Reiji and Ai, and almost immediately, the former's heart broke in his chest. Natsuki's green eyes were devoid of any cheer, brightness, optimism or joy. All of it had been replaced by a shattered expression tortured with heart-wrenching sorrow, agony, grief and anguish all at once. His lips quivered as his shoulders shook violently and a sob slipped out, causing tears to rain down his face, and Reiji could feel a lump trapped in his throat, his own heart crumbling more and more at the sight before his very eyes.

"H-He... I..." Natsuki's voice faltered as he hiccuped and sobbed, trying but failing to speak as his words shattered, "I just... W-Why-"

"Come here." Reiji hugged Natsuki as tightly as he could, clasping his hand over the latter's head. "You don't have to say anything, Nattsun. You don't have to think or do anything. Just cry as much as you need to. Ai-Ai and I will be right here doing all that we can to make sure you're alright."

Natsuki tried to speak, but Reiji shook his head and patted him on the back gently.

"Just let us be here for you. We'll always be right here, even if they aren't. Because you mean so much to us, Nattsun, no matter what they say."

Reiji could hear his own voice falter, but that did not stop him.

"So just let us be here for you, alright?"

Natsuki did not say a word. Instead, he cried harder and more tears fell onto Reiji's jacket, but the latter did not mind at all. Natsuki slowly hugged him back and Reiji quietly took it as a yes to his question and held the younger male, aware that his own heart was breaking at the sight of the male he was hugging being so tortured to the point that he nearly wanted to cry too. But Reiji held himself back and remained in Natsuki's arms, letting the latter cry as much as he needed to, hoping that he believed as much as Reiji did that he was nothing that Syo and Ozrock had said he was because that was the truth. And because Reiji meant every single word and drop of emotion with all his heart. Closing his eyes, Reiji whispered to Natsuki to let it out, to cry as much as he needed to, that he was going to be alright.

And he deserved all of it more than anything.

Ai Mikaze

_Tears. Originating from glands in the eyes of a human being. They signify emotions, rarely anger, sometimes happiness and joy..._

Ai placed a hand on Natsuki's back, lowering his eyes.

_... and most of the time, sadness and grief._

"It'll be alright, Nattsun. We'll be alright."

Ai could hear the deep anguish dwelling inside Reiji's usually-blithe voice as the latter consoled Natsuki, who was crying onto his shoulder. Ai knew that he did not have the necessary capacities to comprehend what it felt like to cry, but he did understand that if someone as cheerful and bright as Natsuki was shedding this many tears, it must mean that he was experiencing harrowing, excruciating emotions. As Ai held Natsuki along with Reiji, he could feel an acute agony twist through his empty chest like a blade and he nearly widened his eyes.

_This pain..._

Ai quietly assured Natsuki that he and Reiji were here, that they would never stop caring about him, regardless of anything, the pain wounding his chest.

_Why does it seem like your pain... is becoming mine too, Natsuki, Reiji?_

_"When you cry, I also weep"_

_\- "Mune no Kodou", by Ai Mikaze (Shouta Aoi)_

_"Every time my glass heart_

_Touched anything, it was damaged"_

_\- "Itoshiki Hito_ _e_ _", by Reiji Kotobuki (Morikubo Showtaro)_

_"Wanting to change, unable to change_

_Farewell, my heart..."_

_\- "Promise to Sirius", by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kishou Taniyama)_


	13. Warmth

Reiji Kotobuki

"Your tea is getting cold, Natsuki."

Reiji turned as Ai spoke quietly to Natsuki, whose eyes widened in mild surprise, as though the latter had just been snapped out of a trance.

"Try to drink a little. A warm drink can help soothe your anxiety."

"Okay, Ai-chan," Natsuki responded with a small smile and nod, his green eyes sheened with pain. "Thank you."

Ai quietly nodded while Reiji gave Natsuki's shoulder a tight squeeze, his heart throbbing with anguish for the latter. The three of them, along with Camus and Ranmaru, were on the way back home in the Quartet Night van. After Reiji and Ai had calmed down a broken Natsuki, the three of them had gone straight to the van and waited for Ranmaru and Camus, who had gotten the remainder of the tea that Natsuki had brewed for them packed into five plastic cups by the staff. When Ranmaru got into the van, Reiji could tell from the indignance in the latter's heterochromatic eyes that the latter had a lot to say about Natsuki's band members. But like everyone else, Ranmaru had chosen to not say a word about the incident, and Reiji knew why. Ranting about the other Starish members would only hurt Natsuki even more despite the fact that they were the ones who had hurt him; Natsuki had always put them before himself no matter what. And that was the reason that Reiji could imagine how excruciating this must be for Natsuki.

_To be broken by a stranger is one thing._

Reiji observed as Natsuki's downcast eyes remained on the plastic cup, the latter's hands trembling as they tightened around the cup.

_To be outcasted by your own friends and shattered by one of them is just utterly... cruel._

Ranmaru was snoring on the seat in front of Reiji's while Camus was silently reading the novel that he had discussed about with Ai before the shoot. Sitting next to Natsuki, with Ai directly across the aisle, Reiji changed the instrumentals that he was playing at a low volume, hoping that they managed to subdue the pain in Natsuki's heart at least a little. Because it definitely hadn't alleviated his. He was angry at all of Natsuki's band members, disappointed in them, still hardly able to believe their choices regarding the situation in hand. He had thought that they would have been kinder, more caring, more considerate. But they had ended up ignoring Natsuki and chosen to not make a move even when Syo lashed out at the former to the point that he crumbled to tears. Natsuki had struggled and pulled himself together, only to be sent crashing down at the end because of his own band members, and the memory wrenched Reiji's heart painfully. As angry as Reiji was, more than anything...

he was tortured with sorrow.

_Drip._

A few ripples rang softly inside Reiji's ears, but even though the sky was grey outside, Reiji knew that it wasn't rain. He turned to Natsuki, only to find tears pooling around the latter's green eyes, falling gently into the cup of tea that had no more vapour wafting out of it. His heart cracking, Reiji quietly pulled Natsuki into a half-hug, and the latter whispered with a faltering voice, "I'm sorry, Rei-chan-senpai." But Reiji hushed him gently and told him that he did not need to apologize for anything. Not for crying. Not for being sad. Not for anything. Because none of this was on him. Natsuki nodded silently, letting out a shaky breath, and Reiji held him even tighter, wanting to reassure the blond male that he was not alone. That it was okay to cry. The van rocked slightly, but Reiji kept a firm hold on Natsuki, the gentle cadence of the piano and violin flowing throughout the otherwise-silent ride.

_This melody... can't heal our hearts right now._

Tokiya Ichinose

"It's no use, Otoya."

"Huh?"

"Shinomiya-san and Kotobuki-san won't reply if we text them," Tokiya said, shaking his head at the redhead who looked up from his red cellphone, "not after what happened. Give Shinomiya-san some space."

"Okay..." Otoya muttered, looking down.

Tokiya sighed heavily as a dejected Otoya trudged towards the bathroom in their shared dormitory. After a tense and eerily-silent journey back to the dorms on the Starish van, Syo had stormed into his and Natsuki's shared room and slammed the door shut while Masato and Ren retreated to their own like Otoya and Tokiya, as well as Cecil, did. Tokiya didn't blame Syo, but he did wish that all of them could take back what they had done to Natsuki, starting with the horrendous plan that was preordained to fail from the start. He wished that he could have been more considerate, that he hadn't let the situation become the way it was now, but he knew that it was useless to hope when it already happened.

They had all deeply hurt Natsuki, and that was the fact, regardless how cruel it sounded.

"Ne, Tokiya."

Shifting his position on the grey couch, Tokiya turned to Otoya, who stood in the doorway of the bathroom, his eyes on the floor, a pained expression on his normally-cheerful face.

"So we're really letting Rei-chan take care of Natsuki?"

Tokiya's eyes widened slightly, but he soon reverted back to a calm expression and sighed. "That's pretty much what we're doing right now, isn't it?"

"Yeah..." Otoya's voice trailed off and sounded as doubtful as Tokiya felt. "I guess you're right..."

Tokiya knew that their assigned mentor had gotten extremely close to Natsuki. Sure, Reiji was the type to care about everyone and was the most approachable among everyone in Quartet Night. But Tokiya, just like everyone else, had noticed that this particular scenario was more than just the often-annoyingly-happy-go-lucky senpai simply being friendly and caring. There was something different, deeper about it. About the bond between the two males that was unexpected and powerful at the same time, that could - no, was _already_ changing everything. What Cecil had said about Reiji being extremely violent and merciless towards Ozrock, how much Reiji and Natsuki had bonded despite the fact that it had just been about a week, the strength that Natsuki had shown when Reiji and the rest of Quartet Night encouraged him during the photoshoot... they were all resonating with the same idea, and Tokiya couldn't say that he was happy about it.

The door to the bathroom was shut and locked tightly and Tokiya heaved out another sigh, closing the novel that he had been failing to read.

_Kotobuki-san... and Shinomiya-san._

With all honesty, his gut told him that he did _not_ like where any of this was going.

Natsuki Shinomiya

_"You're the source of all my problems and I mean all of them!"_

_"I'm sick of all of it!"_

_"You've always been nothing but a freaking burden, Natsuki."_

_"Because you'll just become more of a burden to them with your glasses off!"_

"Stop!"

Natsuki jolted up, his chest rising and falling like unsteady tides, a whirlwind of thoughts spinning inside his throbbing head. He had just closed his eyes, the blackness filling his vision, hoping to get some sleep and take his mind off what had happened, but as soon as they fell shut, Syo's cold voice struck his head like a sharp arrow, piercing through him with Ozrock's words. Clutching his head tightly, Natsuki blinked a few times, trying to focus on something else, trying to calm down his aching heart, not wanting to yell again, afraid that he would end up waking Reiji up. He ended up looking at the window near the bed, at the sky that was slightly obscured by the mist on the glass and the green curtains.

 _The rain's stopped awhile ago..._ Natsuki thought, smiling faintly. _I think I'll go out and look at the stars and sky for a bit. It can be really calming at night._

Natsuki knew of a place in which he loved stargazing, but it was too far from Reiji's apartment and he did not want to the latter to worry. So he opted for the park that was extremely close to the apartment, knowing that no one would be there and that the sky would nevertheless be there with its stars that Natsuki wished to be able to shine like to bring happiness to other people's lives. So Natsuki took his blue jacket from the wooden chair's backrest, as well as his yellow notebook from the study table, and switched his cellphone on to text Reiji in case the latter woke up and found him missing.

Letting himself out of the guest bedroom, Natsuki glanced at the door to Reiji's bedroom, trying his best to be quiet. He carefully shut the door behind him and was texting Reiji when another door suddenly creaked open and his heart thudded in surprise.

"Nattsun?"

His eyes widening, Natsuki turned to Reiji, who walked out of his bedroom and approached him. "Rei-chan-senpai. You're still awake, senpai?"

Reiji let out a laugh. "Yeah. It takes quite awhile for me to go to sleep, and I was about to ask you the same." His grey eyes looked down at the blue jacket draped onto Natsuki's left arm and then at him in confusion and concern. "You're heading out somewhere, Nattsun? It's pretty late."

Natsuki smiled lightly. "I want to go look at the stars and the sky. I often do that to relax and calm myself down. It's also what I do when I'm trying to write songs or think."

Reiji nodded in understanding. "I'm guessing that Syo's words are preventing you from sleeping?"

Pain wrenching his heart, Natsuki nodded quietly. "And Ozrock's."

Giving Natsuki's shoulder a reassuring squeeze, Reiji hummed in response to his words. "Where do you go to stargaze, Nattsun?"

"I usually go to this area by this particular river," Natsuki answered with a smile, "but it's too far so I decided to go to the park inst..." Natsuki's eyes widened in confusion when Reiji let go of his shoulder and started heading back to his bedroom. "Um, Rei-chan-senpai?"

"Just give me a minute, Nattsun."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm getting my jacket and my car keys."

Natsuki's heart thumped in shock. "Jacket? Car keys?"

Reiji turned and laughed when he saw Natsuki's expression. "Like you said, the place is far from here. No way are we walking there when I have a car that I can drive to take us there. And I'm going with you, Nattsun."

"You're coming with me?" Natsuki asked, even more shocked.

"Yep. I figured it's a good opportunity for us to talk and get to know each other more and calm down after what happened earlier." Reiji gave Natsuki an earnest smile. "If it's alright with you, of course."

At the sound of Reiji's words, Natsuki felt himself starting to beam at Reiji, his heart filled with sincere warmth. "Of course it's okay, senpai. It's more than okay. I was trying to not wake you up because I thought you were sleeping, but I'm happy that you're coming with me. But..." Natsuki lowered his eyes. "Are you really okay with driving us there? You must be really tired, Rei-chan-senpai."

"Oh, Nattsun..."

Reiji laughed again.

"I wouldn't be getting my car keys and jacket if I didn't wanna go. And besides, this young man is even more hyped up with energy knowing that you wanna go with me."

Natsuki laughed and Reiji grinned.

"And you have no idea how much happier I am to go if it means seeing you smile like that after what happened."

Widening his eyes, Natsuki realized that it had been the first time he laughed and smiled without any pain and sorrow ever since the incident at the studio, and Reiji let out another laugh, saying that he was going to get his keys and jacket for a bit, and Natsuki nodded. As Reiji disappeared into his bedroom, Natsuki slid his blue jacket on with a faint smile on his lips.

"Let's go see the stars together, senpai."  
...

The car drive was peaceful and calming at the same time. Natsuki sat next to Reiji, who drove with his eyes on the road ahead, the two of them passing by glowing buildings and streetlamps as well as a few pedestrians. When Reiji first unlocked the car doors and they got inside, the first thing that Natsuki had seen was the Reiji chibi doll that dangled between the two front seats. Reiji had laughed when Natsuki called the doll "cute", thanking him while rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. Maintaining a steady speed, Reiji glanced at Natsuki and they smiled at each other. They had texted and called Ai, asking if he wanted to come along, but the teal-haired boy neither texted back nor picked up their calls, even though they had waited for about twenty minutes. So they had concluded that Ai had gone to sleep and decided to not disturb him and instead, invite him again next time. While Reiji followed the GPS in Natsuki's cellphone, the two of them had been having light-hearted conversations about the night, about music, about things that they liked. Reiji cracked a joke every now and then and the two of them would laugh together, enjoying each other's company, and Natsuki couldn't be more grateful for this time. And now they were less than five minutes away from the river by which Natsuki loved to stargaze, and his heart felt warm at the thought that he wasn't going alone this time.

"Hey, Nattsun."

"Yes, Rei-chan-senpai?" Natsuki asked, turning to Reiji, who glanced at him.

"Have you ever gotten anyone else to go stargazing with you by that river?"

Natsuki shook his head with a slight smile. "No. I've asked Syo-chan and the others before, but they were never really interested."

"That's what they said?" Reiji inquired, frowning slightly.

Natsuki nodded with a sad smile, sorrow filling his heart a little. "Yeah, that's what they always said. Either that or that they'd rather stay indoors."

"Well, don't worry, Nattsun."

The frown disappearing from his face, Reiji turned to Natsuki and smiled warmly.

"I really like the idea. And I'm really glad that you're taking me to your special spot."

Natsuki laughed lightly. "But I'm not really the one taking us there. You're the one driving, Rei-chan-senpai."

"You're the one who inputted the coordinates, Nattsun," Reiji said with an amused grin.

Natsuki smiled sheepishly. "You have a point... senpai."

"Oh, Nattsun..."

Their laughter resonated into the serene atmosphere and at that moment, a few droplets dribbled down onto the front window of the car. Natsuki's eyes widened slightly and before long, the few droplets turned into countless raindrops that cascaded down the nightscape like a waterfall of stars and bullets, flashing as cars with white headlights passed their car, obscuring the view of the night sky.

"Looks like the storm clouds are being meanies tonight. Just when the river's right ahead."

Sighing, Reiji looked at Natsuki with a faint smile.

"We're gonna have to stay in the car and look at the sky from inside if we don't wanna catch a cold. You okay with that, Nattsun?"

"Yep, I'm okay with that," Natsuki replied, nodding with a warm smile. "I'm already very happy, senpai, even if we have to stay inside."

Reiji's smile brightened a little. "Likewise, Nattsun."

In a few minutes, Reiji parked the car on the viridescent grass, just a few meters away from the river. As Reiji and Natsuki took their cups of tea from the coffee shop that they had stopped by earlier out of the blue paper bag, the windshield continuously wiped the raindrops away from the front window, swinging from left to right and right to left like a pendulum, and Natsuki felt his lips curving into a bright smile at the sight before his eyes. Outside the fogged window with droplets of rain, the Prussian blue sky was glistening with countless silver stars above the prismatic white glows of nearby streetlamps. The streetlights shed light on the remaining raindrops on the window, making them shine like they were small crystals and diamonds, and the lucid starlight made the pouring rain seem like a thousand shooting stars showering down onto the grass, making the night sparkle and glitter like it was pure magic. The river before their eyes shimmered under the glow of the streetlamps and Natsuki felt his heart glow at the sight as he gazed at the view, taken aback by how the rain ended up making the nightscape that enchanting.

"Ah, looks like I gotta take back what I said about the storm clouds being meanies."

Natsuki turned to Reiji, who was looking through the front window with a content smile.

"Tonight's a real beauty here, isn't it, Nattsun?"

Natsuki smiled, the falling of raindrops onto the car roof drumming through his ears. "Yeap, it really is, Rei-chan-senpai, and..." Natsuki felt his own smile brighten. "I'm really happy that I'm sharing this memory with you, senpai."

"So am I, Nattsun."

His hand gripping the steering wheel, Reiji turned to Natsuki and beamed.

"There's no sentimental beauty in memories like these without people to share 'em with, right?"

Natsuki nodded in agreement, smiling brightly. "Yeap, senpai."

Reiji let out a quiet laugh and the two males faced the front window again, cups of hot green tea in their hands, the Reiji chibi doll swaying lightly from the ceiling between them. Smiling lightly, Natsuki took a small sip from his cup of tea and felt its warmth trickle down inside of him as the cold rain continued to shower down the sky outside.

"Say, Nattsun."

Natsuki turned to Reiji, whose eyes were on the view ahead. "Yes, senpai?"

"Remember when you cried the first time today, Ai-Ai and I told you that we knew why Syo and the others were acting the way they were and what he wanted to tell you?"

Natsuki's heart stumbled, just remembering. He hadn't thought about it ever since then, having had too many thoughts overwhelming his head. "Oh... yeah, I just remembered, senpai."

Reiji nodded, not saying a word for a few moments. But soon, he slowly turned to face Natsuki with a sorrowful smile on his normally-blithe face.

"I'm really sorry, Nattsun."

Natsuki's eyes widened at the sound of the quiet apology coming from Reiji. "Rei-chan-senpai-"

"Ran-Ran, Myu-chan and I were the ones who found out that Syo was the one who hired Ozrock to tell you about Satsuki, with Ai-Ai processing the phone records and messages," Reiji spoke, lowering his eyes. "You remember the day I said I had to head out to do something and got Ai-Ai to stay with you in the apartment? I was actually going to confront Ozrock along with Myu-chan and Ran-Ran, having tricked him into coming to meet me."

Natsuki stared at Reiji in utter shock. "Rei-chan-senpai, you, Myu-chan-senpai and Maru-chan-senpai... met Ozrock...?"

Reiji nodded. "And he's an absolute sicko, Nattsun. Even worse than any of us expected."

Fear, worry and panic surged through Natsuki all at once. "Did he do anything to hurt you-"

"Nope," Reiji said, shaking his head with a light smile. "It was us three, plus Cesshi who followed Ran-Ran and Myu-chan, against him, so he didn't stand a chance. With a few punches and kicks, we made our point go across to him; he was never to be anywhere near you ever again or all of us, including Ai-Ai, would deal with him personally."

"I know you guys are all doing this for me," Natsuki said quietly, lowering his eyes in guilt, "but... I also don't want you to get into trouble for any of it. What if anyone finds out-"

"They won't."

Reiji shook his head with a reassuring smile.

"Ai-Ai and Myu-chan made sure to leave no traces behind. No one's getting into trouble or anything, don't worry, Nattsun." Reiji let out a few chuckles. "It makes me really happy to know that you care so much about us."

Natsuki smiled faintly. "And I'm also glad that you guys would go that far for me."

Reiji smiled sincerely, but he soon shook his head. "But Nattsun, that's not all that I'm apologizing for."

Their smiles faded away from their lips and Natsuki could feel his heart clench at the melancholic expression in Reiji's grey eyes.

"After we checked all of Ozrock's words out, the ones about Syo being the one who hired him, the four of us discussed what to do about it. If we should be the ones who tell you or if we should give Syo a chance and let him confess his mistake to you," Reiji explained, his eyes focused on the blurred nightscape. "I was the one who came up with the idea of giving him a time limit to tell you. And that time limit was until the end of today. And while I stayed with you, Ai-Ai, Myu-chan and Ran-Ran told him. If he didn't tell you, Ai-Ai and I would. We all agreed on giving Syo a chance, believing that it was the most appropriate thing to do given his involvement. But..."

Reiji looked down the ground.

"But it ultimately led to everything that had happened today and the last thing that I wanted to see happen ended up becoming a reality: you being hurt and broken the way you were in the studio."

Natsuki's heart cracked as Reiji shook his head dismally, the latter's grey eyes glimmering with hurt.

"I know that I wasn't the one who yelled at you. That I wasn't the one who chose to ignore you, hurt you or lash out at you to the point that you broke down to tears. I understand all of that. But seeing you so hurt, the way you cried and struggled, Nattsun... it broke my heart seeing you like that, and it made me wonder if it was a mistake giving Syo a chance when it ended up the way it did. That's why I was still awake and heard you heading out. Because I was too busy thinking to fall asleep. The thought that my decisions led to you being hurt by all your band members... It tortured me, Nattsun, because the last thing that I ever want to do is hurt you when I care about you so, so much."

Reiji slowly turned to face Natsuki, his grey eyes filled with sheer guilt and anguish.

"So I'm really sorry, Nattsun. If it's what I did that caused all of that to happen, if it was my misjudgement that led you to being hurt, I just want you to know that I'm truly, deeply sorry, Nattsun, because it was never my intention to hurt you. I just-"

Reiji's eyes suddenly widened in shock and he stared at Natsuki.

"Nattsun...?"

Natsuki slowly shook his head a few times as he wiped the tears that had been welling up inside his eyes away and looked straight at Reiji, who did not stop staring at him.

"You don't have to apologize, Rei-chan-senpai. All that you were doing was to make sure that I was alright, to be there for me, and I am really grateful to have you here with me. None of this is your fault. None of it can ever be your fault when all you did was care, and you couldn't have known what would happen. So please... don't apologize, senpai. Trying my best to pull through, trying to stay strong, doing everything I could to keep myself together..." Natsuki couldn't help the way his voice faltered as he spoke, "I was doing all of it for you and everyone else... for us... because I don't want to see you sad, because I don't want to see you hurt..."

Reiji stared at Natsuki in pure astonishment, his grey eyes widened.

"So please... don't blame yourself, Rei-chan-senpai. I don't want you to blame yourself... when all you did was care so much."

Natsuki reached out and placed a hand on Reiji's shoulder like the latter had done to him countless times before and gave him a pained but earnest smile.

"I just really want you... to be happy, Rei-chan-senpai."

Natsuki then stopped, finished saying everything that he meant from the deepest part of his heart. He remembered how helpless he'd felt when he struggled and failed to pull himself together after the nightmares and confrontations, how much his heart had wrenched in sheer agony whenever he saw the anguish in Reiji, Ai and the others' eyes, wishing that he could pull through for all of them, only for more tears to threaten to fall the more he tried. And when Reiji apologized to him for what had happened, Natsuki's heart had shattered. He didn't want Reiji to be sad. Reiji didn't deserve to be sad. He'd always been there to cheer Natsuki up and make him smile even when he was on the verge of breaking down and Natsuki wanted to do the same for him. That had pushed him to try harder; the thought of doing everything he could to make sure that Reiji and the others could smile at the end.

Everything he had done... was for them to be able to truly smile.

"Like I said before, Nattsun, when you say things like that..."

Natsuki felt a hand wrap itself loosely around his own on Reiji's shoulder. He looked up and saw Reiji's lips curving into a gentle smile.

"You truly make me feel warm inside."

_"Nattsun... when you say things like that... you're the one giving us warmth."_

"You know, I noticed that ever since the day you told me about Ozrock..." Reiji continued, his smile remaining on his face, "you have been a lot more straightforward about how you really feel, Nattsun. You didn't try to avoid saying that you're not okay by using the words 'I'll be fine' or want to hide your true feelings behind a smile, like when you stood up for yourself when talking to Toki and telling Ai-Ai and I what happened when we found you the first time at the studio."

Reiji gave Natsuki's hand a light squeeze, his grey eyes softening into a sincere smile.

"I'm very proud of you, Nattsun, and although I was upset about what happened, the fact that you chose to trust me and Ai-Ai warms my heart."

Natsuki felt his heart pulsate in a deep radiance as he smiled at Reiji and shook his head. "It's not just me, Rei-chan-senpai." He squeezed Reiji's shoulder softly. "You have been completely honest with me about how you felt too. That day when you told me to stop being optimistic when it only breaks me, all the times when you told me that you guys believed in me and that I would be alright, everything that you've done and said... I believed all of it. I knew and believed that you were being honest about everything. I believe and trust you completely, senpai, and knowing that you trust me with your true feelings gives me genuine warmth and strength."

Beaming brightly, Natsuki felt a deep warmth shroud his heart and it became warmer at the thought that Reiji felt the same warmth, the same happiness.

"You give me warmth too, Rei-chan-senpai, and knowing that we share this warmth, these emotions that give us strength... That'll always give me light."

Reiji stared at Natsuki, his eyes filled with astonishment amidst other emotions that he couldn't really put into words. "Nattsun..." In a few moments, Reiji closed his eyes and his lips curved into a sincere smile filled with contentment and happiness, letting out a few chuckles. "You're the one who gets shocked easily, but you never fail to surprise me." Opening his eyes again, Reiji looked down at Natsuki's hand on top of his shoulder and his eyes glistened with a soft, profound radiance.

"You have no idea how powerful that heart of yours is, do you, Nattsun?"

Confused, Natsuki was about to ask what Reiji meant when the older male let out a chuckle and faced the front window, only for his smile to widen.

"Have a look, Nattsun."

Nodding, Natsuki turned to where Reiji was facing and his eyes widened in awe. The rain had stopped and they could now see the crescent moon that glowed with a brilliant white appearing from behind the clouds, surrounded by a million glittering stars. The river that had been trembling in the pouring downpour now was now almost still, moving at a tranquil, unhurried pace, like how flower petals flowed gently in the wind, and the water shimmered in the soft moonlight and glowing streetlamps, all the more beautiful than before. A bright smile spread across Natsuki's face as they quietly admired the illuminated night that had been cleared from the rain, from the downpour of droplets that had resembled shooting stars.

"Thank you, Nattsun."

Natsuki turned to Reiji, who gave him an earnest smile filled with happiness.

"Thank you for showing me a bright night, and I don't just mean the view."

Natsuki's eyes widened at first, but his lips soon softened into an earnest smile and he nodded as he gave Reiji's shoulder another squeeze.

"Thank you too, senpai, for this warm night."

Reiji Kotobuki

Reiji and Natsuki spent the next half an hour or so sitting on the soft grass by the river, gazing at the stars and the moonlit water, talking about things that they liked. Reiji couldn't help but smile when Natsuki talked excitedly about astronomy, his heart filled with joy seeing the latter so happy, and deeply appreciated the moments of silence in which they simply sat next to each other and looked at the view with Reiji's arm wrapped around Natsuki. Before he took Natsuki in, Reiji had always spent the nights indoors, all too often reminded of how much sorrow he had hidden too many times behind perfected smiles, of a past that he never talked about to anyone, of how the solitary nights were the only place where he could take his cheerful masks off. But here he was, sitting with Natsuki in the latter's special place, with a heart that had been more open, honest and unburdened than Reiji ever remembered it being ever since the day Aine disappeared. So when the night outdoors was coming to a close, with Reiji unlocking the door to his apartment and entering his home with Natsuki right behind him, Reiji couldn't help the sadness seeping into his heart.

He knew that it wasn't the last time that they would go out like this, but he was going to miss this.

"Rei-chan-senpai."

Pulled out of his thoughts, Reiji turned to Natsuki. "Yes, Nattsun?"

Natsuki was smiling happily. "Can you please wait here for a bit? I'm going to go get something."

Reiji's eyes widened in confusion. "Okay-" But as soon as he said the word, Natsuki's smile brightened and he sprinted towards the guest room and entered, causing Reiji to rub the back of his neck with an awkward smile. "Nattsun?" But then Reiji remembered how he himself had surprised Natsuki by suddenly going back to his bedroom to get his car keys and olive jacket and he let out a few chuckles.

_Surprises make for an interesting night, don't they, Nattsun?_

"Rei-chan-senpai!"

Reiji faced the guest bedroom, only to find Natsuki running towards him with a large object in his hands. It was a large star plushie. It was bright yellow in colour and had a cheerful, smiling kaomoji as a facial expression with a pink star imprint on each of the plushie's cheeks. Reiji had seen Natsuki hugging that plushie when he was fast asleep with a serene smile on his face and could tell by the way the latter cuddled with it and squeezed it that he cherished it so much. With a happy smile, Natsuki held it out to Reiji and the latter stared at the plushie in utter surprise.

"W-Wait a minute, Nattsun!"

Reiji snapped his head up to face Natsuki in sheer shock and incredulousness.

"You're giving me that plushie?"

Natsuki nodded enthusiastically and Reiji's eyes widened even more.

"Isn't that your beloved plushie?" Reiji nearly exclaimed, unable to believe it. "The one you keep hugging when you sleep?"

"Yep!" Natsuki answered with a bright smile. "And I would like to give this to you, Rei-chan-senpai." The blond male's voice softened. "You told me that it takes awhile for you to sleep and I thought that this plushie could help you sleep; it helped me a lot. Not only that, but..."

Natsuki's smile turned gentle.

"Looking at the stars with you tonight reminded me of how I want to be a star so that I can bring other people happiness. I saw how happy you were and I want you to keep being happy. I want to give you this plushie as hugging it makes you smile as you sleep, and knowing that you're smiling makes me smile too."

Natsuki held the plushie out even closer to Reiji, his eyes bright with a deep radiance that the latter never wanted the younger male to lose.

"So this is for you, Rei-chan-senpai."

 _You have no idea how innocent of a wish that is, do you, Nattsun? To be a star in order to make others happy._ Reiji smiled sincerely at Natsuki, emotions tugging at his heartstrings. _And now you're even giving me your beloved plushie so that I can smile while sleeping._ Wordlessly, Reiji pulled Natsuki into his arms, hugging him tightly. Nights hadn't exactly been the most painless times for Reiji, but he was definitely at ease now. More so tonight than any other night.

And even with the coolness of the downpour lingering around them, it was definitely the warmest night that Reiji could ever remember.

Masato Hijirikawa

_"_ _"I wonder why?" Every time I find that shape,_

_The past heat haze gently vanishes into the sky."_

The gentle cadence of the piano resounding in the tranquil night that was about to turn into dawn, Masato's fingers tapped and glided across the white piano keys as he played one of his first solo songs, "Knocking on the mind", with his eyes closed, the lyrics that he had written and sung echoing inside his head. He had woken up earlier, unable to truly sleep soundly after the incident in the studio. He knew that majority of what had happened was undoubtedly Syo's fault, but Masato blamed himself more than anything. He had been there when Syo yelled at Natsuki the first time, but he had made no move to stop the shorter, hot-headed male. Moreover, when Syo exploded at Natsuki again, Masato did not do nearly as much as he could have to restrain Syo and instead, let Natsuki take the full brunt of the former's unreasonable anger. His eyes squeezing shut slightly tighter, Masato accidentally pressed the wrong key and his heart clenched.

_"Like a lamp knocking on the mind, it's warm."_

Those were the next lyrics, but they did not depict the memories that tormented Masato accurately by even the slightest bit.

"Hijirikawa-san."

Masato turned to see Tokiya standing in the middle of the spiralling stairwell, the latter's hand on the railing. "You're awake, Ichinose."

"Yeah," Tokiya said, sauntering down the stairs. "I ended up waking up earlier and was taking a walk when I heard the piano. If you don't mind, I would like to talk to you about something."

"Is something the matter?" Masato inquired.

The frown on Tokiya's face said it all. "It's about Shinomiya-san."

Thinking that Tokiya was referring to what happened, Masato was about to nod when his friend spoke again.

"And Kotobuki-san."

At the sound of the jolly, happy-go-lucky senpai's name, Masato gave Tokiya a confused look.

"Kotobuki-senpai?"

Ai Mikaze

_Systems function: Satisfactory._

_Battery: 100%._

_No errors or anomalies detected._

Ai blinked, mentally noting his stats. He had recharged himself that night, getting the rest that he needed after a long day, and now he was switching his silver laptop on, wanting to do some research on the human heart before he needed to leave for an interview. He had tried to analyze the reasons why Natsuki and Reiji's pain seemed to be turning into his own, but the answers were not in the data that he had previously gathered. Every explanation that he had found included the necessity of an actual human heart, but that rendered all of them invalid as Ai did not have a heart, let alone a real one. So Ai had decided that he needed to do some extensive research, not wanting to leave this matter unsolved. As he waited for his laptop to finish installing some updates, Ai checked his smartphone and found missed calls and unopened messages from two particular males who had been giving him questions that his data had absolutely no answers to.

_"You awake, Ai-Ai?"_

_"Ai-chan, Rei-chan-senpai and I are going to see the stars together. Would you like to come with us?"_

_"Ai-Ai?"_

_"Hoho Ai-Ai must be asleep~ It's okay! We will go out to see the stars with_ _you_ _some other time then! Rest well, Ai-Ai~"_

_"Sleep well, Ai-chan!"_

Ai sighed at the fact that Reiji had repeated his name 42 times. How hyperactive was Reiji at night? Ai should probably pay more attention to how much sugar that male took during the afternoon. Natsuki, at least, had texted him with reasonable intervals in between, which Ai had to commend him for. As he scrolled through the messages, Ai soon sensed a familiar warmth seeping into his artificial chest, the same one that had during the times that he had spent with Natsuki and Reiji.

_This warmth..._

Ai softly placed a hand over his left chest again, looking down.

_So... the thought of being included by those two in their activities... leads to this 'warmth' as well?_

The laptop finished installing its updates, but Ai decided to leave it as it was for a few minutes and reread his messages from Natsuki and Reiji, the warmth lingering in his hollow chest. A ghost of a smile passed his lips.

_How incomprehensible, but... it's not what you'd call 'unpleasant'._

_"A shooting star that's been wished on, a downpour of whistling_

_I'm not alone..."_

_\- "Top Star Revolution", by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kishou Taniyama)_


	14. Friends

Ai Mikaze

For the next 2 days after the watercolor-themed photoshoot, Ai resumed his normal activities as an idol and member of Quartet Night. He had gone for interviews, sung a number of songs such as "Futari no Monogram" and "A.I." on talk shows, and done a photoshoot for a magazine. Every single task that he had been offered was an individual one, so he had not run into anyone from Starish and Quartet Night during his work. However, Ai did not fail to receive invitations from Natsuki and Reiji to spend time with them, whether it was lunch in a nearby restaurant or drinking tea or hot chocolate in the latter's apartment, and as long as those activities did not collide with his idol work, Ai would always accept their invitations.

The thought of being included by them was strangely pleasant.

"Reiji, isn't that Natsuki's plushie?"

"Yep, Nattsun gave it to me," Reiji replied with a happy smile, hugging the plushie against his chest. "It's really cute, isn't it? Just like you, Ai-Ai."

Ai gave Reiji an annoyed look. "Shut up, Reiji."

It was Thursday night and approximately 7:14 p.m.. After a long day of idol work, Ai, Natsuki and Reiji were relaxing in the latter's apartment, chatting while drinking homemade hot chocolate. Like every other time they met, Reiji was being unamusing to Ai despite his attempts to be humorous and the latter wondered how Natsuki never got annoyed by him despite staying in one apartment with him. Ai mentally recalled a time when Reiji tried to make a joke about the bickering Camus and Ranmaru secretly being close, only to be nearly punched on the face by the latter and for the former to point his sceptre to his throat. However, Natsuki was never quick to be annoyed; actually, Ai had never seen that male annoyed at anyone.

"But Ai-chan is really cute!" Natsuki chimed in, a bright smile spreading across his face. "Let's hug!"

Ai's eyes widened. "Natsuki-"

"Ohh, lemme join you, Nattsun! Aww, don't be shy, Ai-Ai!"

"Go away, Reiji."

"Aww, Ai-Ai!"

Reiji pouted, and Ai sighed quietly at the two males hugging him from both sides. Natsuki and Reiji could be unbelievable in similar and different ways. But Ai let them be, not really minding, allowing himself to relax as Natsuki chortled and Reiji grinned. Ai was still seeking the answers to the questions that those two males had caused him to ask, questions that nothing in his databases could answer like how it was possible for Ai to "feel" what they felt and why the thought of them never forgetting to include Ai granted him "warmth". Ai desired to know, just like how he'd wanted to know what it meant to be moved.

_Inclusive in activities. Warmth. Emotions. To be moved._

Ai mentally recalled the key words as Natsuki and Reiji let go of him with bright smiles and he shook his head at both of them.

_Is there a connection... between all those things?_

"Say, Nattsun."

"Yes, Rei-chan-senpai?"

"Don't worry too much about tomorrow's show, alright?" Reiji smiled reassuringly at Natsuki as he slung an arm around the latter. "If anything happens, Ai-Ai will be there and you can always give me a ring, got it?"

Ai nodded in agreement as Natsuki smiled faintly. Natsuki and Ai were going to perform in the same talk show tomorrow as surprise guests. However, while Ai would perform his solo song "Futari no Monogram", Natsuki was to perform "Still Still Still" with Tokiya. Tokiya and the other Starish members had not contacted Natsuki ever since the watercolor-themed photoshoot. For the past two nights, including tonight, when they were all gathered in the living room, Reiji and Ai would ask Natsuki if he talked to or ran into any of his band members, but the answer would always be the same: a "no" with unspoken sorrow in the latter's eyes and voice. However, Ai noticed that Natsuki's mood would always brighten when he spent time with them and wondered if the cheerful blond felt the same warmth that Ai could somehow sense in his artificial chest.

_The meaning behind feeling what others feel..._

Reiji raised his mug of hot chocolate, asking to clink mugs for the 4th time tonight, and although Ai sighed at the unnecessary repetitiveness, he went along with it and the three of them bumped their mugs gently against one another. Reiji and Natsuki's smiles were warm. And so was Ai's chest.

_Why are you the ones making me question it?_

Cecil Aijima

"You sure you can talk to Natsuki on your own, Tokiya?"

"I'll be fine," Tokiya answered a worried Otoya, nodding firmly. "Shinomiya-san isn't the type of person who would persistently try to avoid me, so I'm sure I can talk to him."

Cecil and Masato nodded in agreement as Otoya smiled faintly. Cecil, Otoya, Tokiya, Ren, Masato and Syo were gathered in the living room near their dormitories, talking about tomorrow. Tokiya had gotten an invite to perform "Still Still Still" with Natsuki, whom neither of them had run into or had any contact with ever since the past two days. Cecil honestly felt awful about the whole thing and wanted nothing more than to apologize, but his schedule had not granted him the chance to and talking over the phone was a horrible idea. Even though Tokiya was clearly going to speak to Natsuki on behalf of all of them, Cecil wished that he could have been there too. He wanted to speak for himself as well.

"Are any of those senpais gonna be there too?" Syo inquired, distaste clear in his voice.

"Mikaze-san will be the only other idol performing," Tokiya responded.

"But that does not mean that Kotobuki-senpai will not go out his way to accompany Shinomiya," Masato pointed out. "After all, he could be free during that time."

Syo cursed. "That freaking-"

"Actually, guys, I saw an advertisement that said that Rei-chan will be a guest star in a game show tomorrow afternoon," Otoya said. "So he won't be able to be with Natsuki tomorrow."

"Thank God!" Syo exclaimed.

"Kotobuki-senpai's absence makes this even less difficult," Masato remarked.

"You bet it does!"

Cecil, like everyone else, was relieved that Reiji would not be with Natsuki that day. The day before, the six of them had had a meeting held by Tokiya and Masato regarding Natsuki and Reiji. Everyone had agreed that Natsuki and Reiji had bonded way more than any of them could have expected over the past week, and Tokiya had pointed out that the two males had gotten "too close."

 _The closer Kotobuki-san gets to Shinomiya-san_ , Tokiya had explained, _the harder it will be for things to go back the way they were before this mess happened. This isn't just Kotobuki-san being his friendly, caring self. It's him getting much closer to Shinomiya-san than he should to the point that it's affecting our group's dynamic._

 _So what do we do, Tokiya?_ a worried Otoya had asked.

 _Separate them before they get any closer_ , Tokiya had answered bluntly with narrowed eyes.

 _You can do it, Tokiya_ , Cecil mentally thought as Syo and Otoya encouraged Tokiya who sighed at them. _If anyone can do it, it's you._ Tokiya was calm, collected and rational. He was definitely going to handle this situation well and they all really needed that at this point, especially given how much they'd all hurt Natsuki a few days ago. As his band members talked, however, Cecil noticed that Ren, the flirtatious, teasing and witty one of the group, had barely said a word. Leaning against the wall, the orange-haired male merely observed before smiling and excusing himself to his bedroom, stepping away from all of them. It was very unusual for Ren to not come up with a witty remark or slip a joke into the conversation at least once. It couldn't just be because Ren was tired, right? Cecil was tempted to follow Ren, but Masato seemed to beat him to it as the latter got up and excused himself to his shared room with Ren, clearly noticing the latter's quietness.

Cecil internally sighed heavily.

He really hoped things went back to normal soon.

Ai Mikaze

_"Being alone is easier and more effective."_

Ai remembered saying those words to Reiji and Natsuki on different occasions more than a year ago. He had said those words to Reiji when the noisy brunette pestered the rest of Quartet Night to try and do more group activities together, as well as to Natsuki when the hug-loving kouhai once asked why Ai preferred individual tasks rather than groupwork even though he was in a four-man band. There was almost 0 probability of Ai finding individuals that could be deemed "compatible" with him. As an android that was to be Shining Saotome's ideal idol, that was to perform flawlessly at all times, Ai found himself being the most efficient when doing jobs in which he did not have to rely on people who had a chance greater than 50% to be either incompetent or slackers or even both. He remembered how firmly he'd held onto the steadfast belief that he had no necessity of any form of companionship, also taking into account the fact that a non-human without a heart such as himself would fail to even grasp the basic concepts of that term. However, even though he still held onto that aforementioned belief...

... the term "companionship", whether Ai liked it or not, did not seem nearly as meaningless as it used to be, thanks to two particular males.

Comfort. Warmth. Emotions. Pain. Words and terms that he normally had hardly any association with and he'd yet stumbled across during the time he spent with Natsuki and Reiji. In the morning, Ai had been invited to have breakfast with the two males and had to admit that it was a refreshing way to start the day. He had attempted to comprehend the reason behind the frequency of his unexplained "emotions" the night before, only to fail, so he had tried to examine the details of the morning that he got to spend with the two sources of his inconsistencies.

And even though it was still a major difficulty to answer his own questions, Ai continued to think and analyze as he and Natsuki sat together in the hair-and-makeup area, with 9 minutes and 15 seconds to go before the stage manager was to tell them to get ready for their performances, with Reiji at the game show that he had been invited to as a guest star. Ai was humming the melody of "Futari no Monogram" while Natsuki was writing something in his yellow notebook. Tokiya, who was supposed to be Natsuki's duet partner, had yet to show up, but Ai was certain that he would very soon, knowing the cool-headed Starish member's punctual nature. Analyzing the calmness and lack of tension in Natsuki's speech and movements, Ai could tell that the thought of needing to perform with the band member who had hurt him 2 days ago was not currently on his mind. Now Ai wondered why he was even trying to ensure that Natsuki was alright, knowing that it was not just because he was the latter's assigned mentor or felt any responsibility on ensuring that the duet was a success.

_Worry. Concern. Care._

The words echoed inside his head, connected to one another like constellations, and Ai lowered his eyes.

_This is sincerely confusing me._

"Ai-chan, is something bothering you?"

Ai snapped out of his thoughts and turned to Natsuki whose green eyes were filled with all of the words that had appeared in the former's mind.

"You looked a little lost, and it's unlike you to stare like that."

There it was again: the strange pleasantness of being with someone welling up inside his chest. Something that Ai thought that androids should not be capable of possessing and had Natsuki and Reiji to blame for. Not uttering a word, Ai contemplated the option of directly asking Natsuki about these unfathomable enigmas that had been adding puzzlement to him each day he spent with them. He knew that Natsuki would do his best to help him understand; the kouhai had always been kind and helpful. However, how exactly should he phrase his inquiry? How direct must he be? Where should he begin?

"Natsuki."

Ai decided to do what he always did: asking the question the way it was meant to be phrased; just the way it was.

"How are you and Reiji giving me these questions that I fail to comprehend?"

Natsuki tilted his head to the left in confusion. "What do you mean, Ai-chan?"

Ai spoke in a volume so soft that only he and Natsuki could hear what he wanted to say. "Emotions. Somehow sensing that your pain is becoming mine. A warmth that fills my chest at the thought that you two include me in your activities. All of these occur at an unexplained frequency when I am with the two of you and attempting to understand them on my own with the data that I have gathered seems to be 100% futile."

Looking into Natsuki's eyes, Ai shook his head lightly.

"Do you, perhaps, comprehend the reason behind these strange occurrences, Natsuki?"

Staring at Ai, Natsuki opened his mouth to speak when he suddenly stopped, his eyes widening slightly. _Wide eyes. A halt in his actions. The aforementioned actions suggest shock while the tense atmosphere points at nervousness._ _There is one extremely likely cause_. Ai turned to where Natsuki was facing and maintained a blank expression upon facing the person who had lived up to his punctual, professional reputation by arriving 5 minutes and 41 seconds before the manager was to call them.

"Shinomiya-san. Mikaze-san."

Natsuki greeted his fellow Starish member first and Ai nodded briefly, deciding to save the subject that they had been discussing for later, as well as mentally noting how much the former had tensed.

"Tokiya."

Reiji Kotobuki

"So the next game will be an electronic-dance game!"

The MC, Hyoma, turned to Reiji and his fellow guest star, Tobio, with an excited smile.

"You guys ready?"

"Yep, Hyoma-chan!" Reiji said with a wide smile while Tobio nodded with a determined look, and their replies were ensued by enormous cheering and screaming from the audience surrounding the large yellow podium.

"Go, Rei-chan!" a girl cried out.

"Tobio!" another screamed.

Waving at his adoring fans who had always been so warm and supportive, Reiji smiled for them before turning to face the screen in which the game was loading. Reiji and Tobio had been competing in a variety of games such as pinball, rhythm games and ice hockey, and the show was going to end with this electronic-dance game in which they had to dance to three random songs and follow the steps that appeared on the screen. Glancing at Tobio, who nodded at him, Reiji could feel his heart clenching at the worry that he had hidden behind his smiles and laughs throughout the entire show.

_Are you guys doing alright, Nattsun, Ai-Ai?_

Reiji knew that Natsuki and Ai had each other's backs, but his main concern was Tokiya's appearance. Reiji had no problem if Tokiya wanted to reconcile with Natsuki after the events of the watercolor-themed photoshoot, but he knew better than to think that his calm mentee's motives stopped at that. Reiji had not said a word about it, but he had been suspicious that Natsuki's fellow Starish members did not approve of Reiji's friendship with Natsuki. When Reiji, Natsuki, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru were walking away from the set after Natsuki had nailed his photoshoot, Reiji had silently taken note of the expressions on the other Starish members' faces. While Cecil, Otoya and Ren's eyes were filled with sadness, guilt or both, Masato and Tokiya had been frowning and Syo had been scowling. Most of them had stared at Reiji when the latter cheered Natsuki on during the shoot, and the former could tell that none of them were happy about the fact that he and the rest of Quartet Night had been the ones who helped Natsuki.

 _Overheard the short kid call ya a moron_ , Ranmaru had hissed into Reiji's ear after he had changed into dry clothes. _Don't get what's his problem._

As a random generator was activated to select the first song that he and Tobio were to dance to, Reiji internally frowned, not at all liking the ominous feeling sinking inside his heart. Tokiya, Syo and the others were planning something. That much, Reiji could tell. And they were going through with it using the opportunity granted by Tokiya and Natsuki being assigned the same job and Reiji being elsewhere. Around this time, Ai, Natsuki and Tokiya must be performing. Reiji made a mental note to text Ai as soon as the show concluded and hoped that the latter and Natsuki would be alright.

"The first song is Starish's 'Maji Love 2000%'!"

 _Speaking of you guys,_ Reiji thought grimly as he mentally recalled how the seven-man band had performed the song that he and Tobio were about to dance to, _as_ _much as you guys are Nattsun's band members..._ _I can't and don't trust any of you to be alone with him, given how readily you'd sacrifice him. And if you were that quick to disregard his feelings.._

Reiji hopped a few times, preparing himself for the dance battle or rather, to groove and step to the beat of a song by a group whose friendship he had started to see was not as shatterproof as it seemed while masking his true feelings behind his smiles and laughs as convincingly as he normally did until the show was over.

_How much did he actually mean to you?_

Natsuki Shinomiya

"We're finally done for today!"

"Good job, Shinomiya-kun!"

"You sang wonderfully today!"

"Thank you for today," Natsuki thanked the staff members, nodding with a light smile, and a number of them smiled back.

Natsuki was backstage and packing his belongings. He had changed out of performance outfit into his casual wear: a white T-shirt with blue seams, long navy blue jeans and white sneakers. While waiting for Ai who was talking to a staff member, Natsuki mentally recalled the performances that they, along with Tokiya, had given to the audience. Ai had sparked the vigor and spirit of the cheering crowd with his solo performance, "Futari no Monogram", and his solo was directly ensued by Natsuki and Tokiya's duet. Natsuki had been worried about performing with Tokiya after what had happened a few days ago, but both of them had given their all and at the end, the crowd had burst into thunderous applause with smiles on their faces, and from there, Natsuki knew that everything turned out alright. Inhaling and exhaling, Natsuki felt his heart relax knowing that it was over and couldn't wait to see a wide smile spread on Reiji's face when he told him about how everything ended up alright.

_You were right, Rei-chan-_ _senpai_ _, Ai-chan._

Natsuki smiled lightly.

_It all turned out alright._

"Shinomiya-san."

Slightly surprised, Natsuki turned to face Tokiya, who was sauntering towards him. "Tokiya-kun."

"Can I talk to you for a moment?"

Natsuki nodded with a small smile. "Yep."

Nodding his thanks, Tokiya led Natsuki away from the bustling staff members, away from where Ai was still talking to a staff member. Natsuki could feel his heart stumble in its pulse as they stopped near unoccupied dressing rooms and hair-and-makeup stations, unsure what his friend wanted. Tokiya had chatted a little with him before the show and exchanged smiles with him throughout the performance, but other than that, they had hardly looked at each other, let alone talked. And there were times when the events on the day of the watercolor-themed photoshoot, particularly when Tokiya raised his voice at him and when all the Starish members avoided him, flickered inside his head throughout the day, making unease and pain fill his heart just like they were doing now, only that the emotions were even deeper now that he was alone with his fellow band member.

 _You'll be alright_ , Reiji had assured him numerous of times with a sincere smile. _You'll be okay, Nattsun._

Holding onto those words, as well as Ai's assuring smile, Natsuki calmed down, reminding himself that Tokiya was his friend too and would never try to hurt him.

"What do you want to talk about," Natsuki started, "Tokiya-kun?"

Tokiya looked away from Natsuki for a moment, his arms crossed. The voices of the staff members cheering and chattering were drowned out by the heavy silence that draped itself between the two males like storm clouds, weighing down onto Natsuki's heart as the seconds ticked by. Sighing heavily, Tokiya turned to look Natsuki in the eye and spoke quietly.

"I'm sorry for what happened during the last time we met, Shinomiya-san."

Natsuki's heart thudded in his chest as Tokiya continued, his voice quiet but firm, the latter's eyes filled with pain.

"So are Aijima-san, Ren, Otoya, Kurusu-san and Hijirikawa-san. None of us intended to hurt you. We were just trying to make things easier for Kurusu-san, but ended up disregarding your feelings in the process. I yelled at you because of how difficult it was to get you to stay where you were even though we all knew how much you care about Kurusu-san; Kurusu-san let his temper get the best of him; and all of us avoided you and blatantly hurt you when it was not at all what we wanted."

Tokiya smiled painfully.

"The others wanted to be here too, to apologize, but they couldn't because of their schedules. So on behalf of all of us, we're really sorry, Shinomiya-san."

"It's alright." Natsuki shook his head with a faint smile, his heartbeat slowing down with relief shrouding his insides. "I understand what happened that day better now that you talked to me about it and feel a lot better now. And I know you guys would never try to hurt me. After all, we're all friends, Tokiya-kun."

Tokiya let out a few soft laughs. "Yeah. I guess that logic works." He smiled slightly. "Thank you, Shinomiya-san."

Natsuki nodded with a smile that was happier than the one that he had formed before. "Now I'm going to go look for Ai-chan and-"

"Hold on, Shinomiya-san."

Tokiya took his arm, stopping him from walking.

"Actually," Tokiya released his arm, "I wanted to ask you about another thing."

Natsuki nodded, smiling at his friend. "What is it, Tokiya-kun?"

"When are you coming back?"

Natsuki's eyes widened in confusion. "Coming... back?"

Tokiya nodded briefly. "I meant to the dorms, to your room with Kurusu-san."

Natsuki could feel his heart thumping in his chest like an unsteady drum, unease starting to trickle back like a river just after he'd been relieved about reconciling with Tokiya, uncertainty as to what to say filling his insides.

"As much as Kurusu-san would never actually admit it," Tokiya continued, his eyes never leaving Natsuki's, "he actually misses having you as a roommate. All of us miss having you with us."

Natsuki tried his best not to look down. "Um..."

"Moreover, how long do you intend to stay with Kotobuki-san?"

As Natsuki's heart thudded into his chest at the sound of that question, Tokiya furrowed his eyebrows.

"He did voluntarily take you in when you collapsed that night, but you cannot possibly keep on staying with him, can you?" Tokiya's words weighed heavily on Natsuki's head and heart, and the latter's heart was starting to shake. "And I highly doubt that Kotobuki-san will keep letting you stay with him; he'll eventually ask you to move back. So before he does so, how about you go back to the dorms? I can help you pack your belongings today if you'd like."

Natsuki lowered his eyes, not knowing what to say or do.

"So what do you think, Shinomiya-san?"

Resisting the urge to squeeze his eyes shut, Natsuki could feel Tokiya's eyes on him as he tried to think of what answer to give. All this time, Reiji had never said anything about Natsuki moving back to the dorms, but the senpai had never said anything about permanently staying either. Memories of the time that Natsuki had spent with Reiji and Ai in the former's apartment flooded his head like a maelstrom as a deep anguish and sorrow at the thought of it being over and him needing to go back to the dorms overwhelmed his heart like an uncontrollable vortex. Even though Tokiya, Otoya, Syo, Ren, Cecil and Masato were his friends and band members, even though he had been living with them for at least two years now, Natsuki... didn't want to go back. He didn't want to say "yes" to Tokiya or even hint at going back anytime soon because more than anything... Natsuki wanted to be with Reiji. Caring about each other, being there for each other, laughing, smiling and being honest with each other without hiding behind a smile like they had done in front of just about anyone else... Natsuki didn't want to let go of that. He wanted to hold onto that, to be with Reiji no matter what happened. And that time with Reiji... had actually been when his heart had felt the warmest, when his smiles felt happiest, when he could truly stop sacrificing himself and knew that the person who had his arm wrapped around him would completely understand with a sincere and open heart.

But one thing that Natsuki knew was that... Tokiya would not understand or try to. Neither would Syo or any of the other Starish members. So how was Natsuki going to say yes or no? He didn't want to lie and say that he wanted to move back when he wanted to be with Reiji, although the latter never actually said anything about permanently staying together. But he also found it extremely difficult to say no; he knew what Tokiya would say and he didn't want to hurt his band members' feelings. His head and heart whirling with a maelstrom of utter confusion and hurt, Natsuki shook his head and spoke softly.

"I... I don't know."

"How can you not know?" Tokiya asked, frowning. "You can't expect Kotobuki-san to let you stay with him permanently."

Natsuki slowly shook his head. "I really just don't know-"

"It's either yes or no, Shinomiya-san," Tokiya cut in, his frown deepening. "Is it that you are uncomfortable with talking to Kotobuki-san? I can accompany you if you'd like."

"No, it's not that-"

"Then what?"

Natsuki's heart faltered. "I just... cannot say for sure yet-"

"Isn't the choice obvious enough, Shinomiya-san?"

Natsuki flinched at the rise in the tone of Tokiya's voice. "I-"

"Do you intend to not return to-"

"Natsuki."

A calm and quiet voice cut Tokiya's words off mid-sentence like a slice of wind piercing through cold water. His eyes widening, Natsuki swivelled around to face Ai, who was approaching them with the strap of his lilac duffel bag slung over his left shoulder. "Ai-chan?" Ai wore a blank expression and glanced at Tokiya as the latter, who, for a moment, seemed slightly astonished, opened his mouth to speak.

"Mikaze-san-"

"Reiji is waiting down at the lobby," Ai continued as though he had not heard Tokiya, his blue eyes remaining on Natsuki. "Let's not keep him waiting and go, alright?"

"Y-Yep, Ai-chan!" Natsuki agreed, glancing at Tokiya uncomfortably as he followed Ai towards the nearest exit. "See you, Tokiya-kun!"

"Yeah..." Natsuki could hear Tokiya's voice trail off as they exited the backstage area, and his heartbeat stumbled in his chest, filled with pain and uneasiness all at once. "See you."

Natsuki slid his blue trench coat on and pulled his hood over his face so that he would not be recognized by the public while Ai had his hoodie and brown wig on. As they walked beside each other, with Tokiya getting further and further away from them, Natsuki soon felt a hand squeeze his shoulder gently and turned to Ai, who spoke quietly.

"Are you okay?"

"I am better now," Natsuki replied, nodding a bit. He gave Ai a faint smile. "Thank you, Ai-chan. I don't know what would have happened if you didn't help me."

Ai nodded with a slight smile. "More stuttering and uncomfortable situations can, however, be easily predicted, Natsuki."

Natsuki let out a chuckle. "Ai-chan..."

After exchanging smiles, Natsuki and Ai became quiet. They casually walked past strangers, including a group of fangirls who were chattering excitedly about the performances, and down the escalators to the lobby in which they and Reiji had agreed to meet. Not long later, they were seated next to each other on a mahogany bench in a more-deserted area in the lobby, with Ai offering a small smile to Natsuki who smiled back, with no need to worry about Tokiya pushing him to say anything or anyone to recognize them through their voices.

However, even as his heart grew calmer with Ai beside him, Natsuki could hear Tokiya's words echoing inside his head like the howling of an icy gale. As much as he'd been taken aback by the pressure that had trapped his heart during that conversation, Natsuki could feel an acute sadness seep into him like a cold ocean at the possibility that the time that he stayed with Reiji would end. That he had to leave Reiji and go back to the dorms and live with his fellow Starish members. As Ai texted Reiji, Natsuki lowered his eyes, his sorrow drowning his own heart deeper and deeper the more the thought of packing his belongings and leaving Reiji whom he wanted to be there for and continue to smile and laugh with no matter what filled his head like a heavy fog.

_Rei-chan-senpai..._

"Natsuki."

Ai's quiet voice pulled him out of his thoughts and Natsuki turned to Ai who gave him a look of understanding.

"I am aware that you did not verbally say it to Tokiya, but... the truth is that you would like to stay with Reiji, right?"

Natsuki was surprised for a moment, but soon he felt his own lips curve into a wistful smile and he nodded slightly. "Yep, I do, Ai-chan."

Ai nodded briefly. "I see. So my analysis is correct."

Neither of them said another word for a moment. A few feet away from them, two little boys and a girl were playing tag at the center of the spacious lobby. One of the boys tripped and fell onto the yellow floor and in less than a moment, his friends were right beside him, helping him up with worried looks. The boy rubbed his head sheepishly and the three of them laughed, making a small smile curve on Natsuki's lips.

"Before Tokiya-kun came, you asked me about pain, emotions and warmth, Ai-chan. About how all those things come when the three of us are together."

Ai's eyes widened slightly and he nodded briefly. "I did."

Natsuki felt his own smile turn warmer like his aching heart did. "All of it is what makes togetherness what it is, Ai-chan. They're parts of being friends with one another. I smile when you guys smile. I get sad when you guys are sad. The time I live with Rei-chan-senpai and spend with him and you... I don't want it to end, Ai-chan, because I cherish the memories I made with you guys. Because I want to be with you guys. The thought of all of it being over, of needing to move back to the dorms... it hurts me and that pain is there because I want to be together with you guys."

"If you are referring to moving back to the dormitory that you share with Syo," Ai inquired, "why are you including me in this subject?"

Natsuki smiled lightly. "You are a part of those memories too, Ai-chan. You're our friend. Mine and Rei-chan-senpai's."

Ai stared at Natsuki in surprise. "F... Friends...?" he repeated softly, his voice laced with confusion.

"Yep," Natsuki replied with a smile.

"Could you elabora-"

"Boo!"

"Wah!" Natsuki yelped, his eyes dilating in shock as a hand grabbed ahold of his right shoulder from behind. Natsuki spun around and faced Reiji who was trying but failing to stifle his laughter, happy tears pooling around the latter's grey eyes. "Rei-chan-senpai!" Ai was staring at Reiji with an emotionless, unamused expression and Reiji soon stopped laughing, a wide smile remaining on his face.

"I couldn't help it, Nattsun," Reiji confessed, letting out a few more laughs as Natsuki smiled. "You just look so funny when you get shocked."

"You are fortunate that the nearby civilians did not recognize Natsuki's voice or yours, Reiji," Ai stated bluntly, staring at Reiji blankly.

"Sorry, sorry," Reiji apologized, the same smile still plastered on his face. "And sorry I took awhile to get here. I saw a bubble tea shop and got us these!"

Reiji held up two plastic bags which contained three plastic cups filled with bubble tea, smiling brightly.

"Thought it'd be a great way to end the week by going someplace nice and having good ol' bubble tea together. No need to pay me back, by the way, Nattsun, Ai-Ai. It's my treat!"

"Thank you, Rei-chan-senpai!" Natsuki said with a happy smile while Ai sighed with a light smile.

"I appreciate it, Reiji, but next time, at least inform us if you indulge yourself in another activity."

"But that would ruin the surprise!"

"Do I look surprised to you, Reiji?"

"Ehh? But Nattsun was!"

"Also, if you tried that prank on Ranmaru, I am certain that you would have been knocked consciousness by one of his punches by now."

"B-But...!"

Natsuki laughed as Ai sighed and Reiji protested, cherishing the moments that the three of them were sharing with all his heart. Soon the three of them were walking to the basement where Reiji's green car was parked and the latter slung an arm around Natsuki with a bright smile, asking how his day was.

"I'll tell you about it when we're at the river place," Natsuki told Reiji with a faint smile. While walking, the three of them had agreed to go to Natsuki's favourite river which Ai had yet to visit. Natsuki had decided that it would be best to talk about Tokiya and what the latter had said when they were sitting there and relaxed.

Reiji's eyes turned concerned. "Something happened, didn't it?"

Natsuki quietly nodded and Reiji smile reassuringly.

"Let's talk about it when we're all nice and cozy at your favourite spot, okay?"

Ai nodded with a slight smile and Natsuki smiled at both of his friends.

"Yep."

Ai Mikaze

"Friends..."

"Did you say something, Ai-Ai?"

"I was thinking to myself," Ai answered.

Reiji smiled through the rear-view mirror. "Feel free to ask me and Nattsun anything, alright?"

Ai nodded silently as Natsuki smiled over his shoulder at him and it came again: that same pleasantness, that same "something" that suggested that he was a part of them, included. With Natsuki and Reiji seated at the front of the car and himself behind the latter, Ai mentally replayed Natsuki had said to him approximately 24 minutes ago.

_"You are a part of those memories too, Ai-chan. You're our friend. Mine and Rei-chan-senpai's."_

_A part of your memories... Your friend..._

He highlighted the words "part", "memories" and "friend" as the keywords from Natsuki's statements, his instinct telling him that they were linked to his unanswered inquiries. _The occurrences that come when I'm with you and Reiji..._ Looking out the right window, Ai saw the old bookstore that he'd frequent after a long day of idol work, whether it was to search for a new novel to read and analyze or to simply stand outside the entrance door and observe passer-bys and their gestures and interactions, which was what he'd called "people-watching". A group of seven teenagers were walking past the bookstore, chattering and laughing about something on one of their cellphones. One of the three boys in that group pointed ahead and they started running, with occasional slaps on the backs and cheeky smiles.

_And Natsuki did mention that those occurrences happen to him as well... and that they are all a part of this thing called 'togetherness'... Togetherness, friendship, companionship..._

Ai leaned slightly against the window, resting his cheek against his palm.

_They are somehow causing the fact that being alone is more efficient to seem more... meaningless._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Here is your bubble tea, guys!"

Reiji took the plastic cups of bubble tea out of the blue plastic bags and gave one cup to each of them, all medium-sized.

"Taro for Ai-Ai, strawberry for Nattsun and matcha for me!"

Natsuki and Ai thanked Reiji and they all smiled. Rose pink, yellow and orange colours dyed and painted the sky, their brightness illuminating it so that it was glowing above them like the sun itself. The serene water of the long, endless river glistened under the illuminated sky like a million jewels, sparkling like stars could exist before the nightscape arrived. Reiji sat between Natsuki and Ai, the atmosphere filled with a deep tranquility that Natsuki sincerely appreciated, the autumn zephyrs flowing gently past them, coming and fading. He carefully pushed the straw through the opening of the plastic cup and took a sip of the strawberry milk tea that Reiji had treated him to. A mild sweetness touched his tongue and he felt a light smile curve on his lips, quietly savouring the flavor.

"It's really good!"

Reiji took another sip of his matcha milk tea and turned to Natsuki and Ai with a wide smile.

"How are your drinks, Nattsun, Ai-Ai?"

"It has the right amount of flavor and sweetness," Ai remarked, looking down at his lilac drink, and Natsuki nodded in agreement. Reiji's smile brightened. "How did you know what sugar level and amount of ice we preferred?"

"I knew that you guys don't usually put sugar in your tea or hot cocoa, so I thought you would like for the bubble tea to have less sugar. And for the ice, I just err... decided to keep it at the normal level."

"So in other words, you were gambling on our tastes."

"D-Don't put it that way, Ai-Ai!"

Reiji and Natsuki laughed as Ai smiled faintly. But deep inside of him, Natsuki could feel a pang of sorrow etch his heart. He loved being with them like this. He loved spending time with them, smiling, laughing and chatting like this, being there for one another. As much as Tokiya's words hurt, they did have a point. How long did Reiji want Natsuki to stay? Would Reiji really let him continue to stay in his apartment together? Would they keep being able to spend time like this along with Ai? Did Natsuki... have to go back soon...? Natsuki held the plastic cup a little tighter, trying not to think too much to no avail.

He just... didn't want this to end.

"Rei-chan-senpai," Natsuki said softly, willing himself to talk about the topic, even if it hurt.

"Yes, Nattsun?" Reiji asked, turning to him, his voice inquiring.

"Um... I'm not sure how to really ask this, but..."

Natsuki took a deep breath and slowly let it out as Reiji placed a hand on his shoulder, the latter's grey eyes worried.

"Are you... going to ask me to move back to the dorms soon?"

Reiji's eyes widened in shock. "E-Ehh?" he exclaimed.

Natsuki glanced at Ai and the latter nodded slightly as a sign of encouragement.

"After the show ended, Tokiya-kun went over to apologize to me on behalf of all the Starish members, but he also asked me when I was coming back to the dorms," Natsuki continued, his eyes meeting Reiji's shocked ones. "He seemed really intent on me going back and even offered to talk to you and help me pack my things. He said that there was no way I could keep on staying with you, that you'd ask me to move back sooner or later. When he asked what I thought... I just couldn't say that I would move back. I just couldn't because... although I don't know how much longer you want me to stay with you... I don't... I don't want to move back."

Reiji stared at Natsuki, his grey eyes widened with emotion, and Natsuki lowered his eyes.

"The time I spent with you and Ai-chan... The three of us together, smiling, talking, laughing and being by one another's sides each and every day... I don't want it to end. Those memories that the three of us got to share ever since you took me in that night... They made my heart... the warmest it's ever felt. They made me feel... truly loved and cared for, reminded me that you guys are here for me, and going back... will separate me from you and Ai-chan and... I really don't want that."

Natsuki shook his head, smiling weakly.

"But it's okay... if you want me to move back, Rei-chan-senpai. I'll understand. I just wanted you to know... that even if I go back, those times with the three of us together... are the warmest and happiest I've ever been, when I felt like I could stop hiding my pain behind a smile and be completely honest about how I felt. I just want you... to know that..."

Natsuki felt his own lips curve into a bright smile.

"I'm happy and grateful, Rei-chan-senpai."

The wind howled again, softly and faintly like a distant echo of a beloved voice. Letting out a long exhale, Natsuki felt his own heart be relieved of a heaviness that he'd held, of keeping the words that he'd wanted to say deep inside of him. Unsure of how Reiji would react, Natsuki kept his eyes on the soft blades of viridescent grass illuminated by the setting sun in front of him, watching as they swayed lightly in the breeze. As they sat in silence, Natsuki's heart stumbled and faltered a few times, but he tried to remain calm.

_It'll be okay. Even if Rei-chan-senpai wants me to move back, it'll be okay-_

"Toki's really unbelievable..."

Reiji let out a sigh and Natsuki slowly looked up and turned to him, only to find a soft expression in the former's grey eyes.

"Who said I was gonna ask you to move back when I don't want you to go either? When I feel the same way you do?"

Natsuki's eyes dilated as Reiji's eyes smiled at him, the latter giving him a gentle squeeze on the shoulder.

"I guess I'd gotten so used to having you with me that I forgot that you originally lived in the dorms," Reiji admitted, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment with a light smile. "I had a bad feeling about you performing with Toki and while I didn't think that'd be what he'd ask you about, you know, Nattsun? I'm very, very happy that you didn't say yes to Toki and waited to talk to me about it first. And that's because... I don't want you to go back either. Every single moment that I got to share with you and Ai-Ai ever since you started living with me, all the smiles, the laughter and us having no need to hide our real feelings behind our smiles... I want it all to continue. I don't want to go back to the way things were before either, Nattsun, no matter how much the rest of Starish does not approve."

Ai smiled faintly as Reiji released Natsuki's shoulder and held out his hand with a bright, genuine smile.

"So let's make it official, Nattsun."

Natsuki could feel a deep warmth blanketing his heart as Reiji's expression softened.

"We're going to live together from here on and unlike what Toki said, I won't ever tell or ask you to move out, alright?"

"Rei-chan-senpai..."

Natsuki beamed at Reiji whose smile never wavered and took his hand, squeezing it tightly.

"Yep, we're living together, Rei-chan-senpai!"

His smile brightening even more, Reiji squeezed Natsuki's hand back and pulled him into a tight hug, patting him on the back. Letting out a few laughs of pure joy and relief, Natsuki wrapped his arms around Reiji tightly, unable to stop smiling. He saw Ai smiling at them and called out to him.

"Join us, Ai-chan!"

Ai's eyes widened in surprise. "Me? Join you?"

"Yep!" Natsuki held his right hand out to Ai. "You're a part of us too! So let's have a group hug! The three of us together!"

Reiji turned his head around and smiled at Ai as well. "Yup! So come on, Ai-Ai! Don't be shy!"

"Who said I was being shy, Reiji?"

Natsuki and Reiji laughed as Ai reached for Natsuki's outstretched hand and took it. Beaming, Natsuki pulled him towards them and hugged both of his friends tightly, chortling as Reiji laughed too and Ai let out a surprised gasp. Soon, Ai's arm was wrapped around Natsuki's back and the latter's heart was overflowing with a deep surge of happiness with Reiji and Ai, whom he deeply loved and cherished with all his heart, by his side, every single one of them relishing in this time that they spent together.

"Ai-Ai's hugging back for once!"

"Don't make me change my mind, Reiji."

"Aww, you know you enjoy it too!"

After a few more minutes of laughter, smiles and words, they were back to sitting and chatting over their bubble tea, with Reiji's arms wrapped around both Natsuki and Ai, the sunset slowly fading into a nightscape above them and the river.

And all of them were smiling as they made another warm memory that they would hold close to them no matter what.

Ren Jinguji

"You were right, Jinguji."

Ren leaned against the pillar, looking at the spacious courtyard that laid underneath the glistening night sky as Masato approached him with even footsteps, not at all surprised by the latter's words.

"The plan did not go as smoothly as any of us expected it to."

Ren smirked lightly. "What did I say? Bukky isn't the only one among the senpais who has Shinomi's back."

When Ren had excused himself and left to go back to his and Masato's shared dormitory the other day, his blue-haired roommate had followed him back. When they were alone in their room with the door shut tightly behind them, Masato had pointed out that something was on Ren's mind. As expected of his fellow band member and rival; he'd always been perceptive when it came to Ren. So Ren had told him that there was a fundamental flaw in Tokiya's plan to get Natsuki to move back to the dorms and that while they had noticed a major factor, Tokiya and the others had overlooked it too easily. All of it had been proven correct when Tokiya came back from the show that he had performed with Natsuki in and told them, Syo, Otoya and Cecil about what had taken place. And now while Ren and Masato were here in the pillar area of the courtyard, Syo was probably continuing to curse both Reiji and Ai in a mini tantrum that amused Ren while Tokiya was sighing in contemplation as usual.

"Mikaze-senpai has changed," Masato remarked, frowning slightly. "It is extremely unlike him to intervene in a conversation that does not concern him."

Ren let out a chuckle. "That's where you're wrong, Hijirikawa."

"What?"

"It does concern Aimi, because it concerns Shinomi and Bukky," Ren explained, smiling. "That's how much Aimi has changed."

"I doubt that Ichinose will find your nonchalance and the fact that you did not warn anyone amusing."

"I never said anything about telling him that I saw a flaw in his plan."

"You're seriously irritating, Jinguji."

Ren chuckled at the annoyance in Masato's blue eyes. "And you're amusing as always, Hijirikawa."

"But then what are we going to do about Shinomiya?"

Masato's eyes turned serious as Ren stopped laughing.

"Do you suppose he'll ever move back to the dorms given the current circumstances and how he reacted to Ichinose's words?"

Ren did not say anything for a moment and looked out at the courtyard again. _Shinomi, Bukky and even Aimi..._ Everything was changing. Ever since the night Natsuki collapsed, Ren had noticed that the former, Reiji and Ai had been drawing closer together like forces were moving them towards one another. And with their constant mistakes and failures to be there for Natsuki, all six of them had been getting further and further away from him. Ren could admit that, although he was sure that the others, especially Syo and Tokiya, would deny it, with how they seemed to be pushing the blame on Reiji.

"I'm sure our answers to that aren't any different from each other," Ren answered simply, seeing no need to state the obvious when Masato was perceptive enough to understand.

Masato let out a soft sigh and Ren's arms remained crossed against his chest, the stars above them blinking like eyes, scrutinizing them like spotlights that were small but significant regardless of their apparent size. Ren did not say it aloud to anyone except for Masato, but as much as he'd like for Natsuki to move back to the dorms and for the seven members of Starish to live together again...

the methods that they were using were what Ren resented the idea of resorting to.

Ai Mikaze

If it were any ordinary day, at this time, Ai would either be in his apartment or at one of his people-watching spots such as the old bookstore or the park at this time of day. He'd be relishing in the solitude of the night, with things that an android like him shouldn't have flickering inside his artificial chest like a candle's flame that was meant to dissipate into the cold air, with the constant reminder that he was a man-made creation with the appearance of a human being almost identical to a comatose idol named Aine filling his head. But right now, it was 7:57 p.m. and he was sitting at the back of Reiji's car, trying his best to stay awake as the latter drove and they, along with Natsuki, chatted about their plan for the weekend. Even the fact that they were discussing their weekend plans together was already a deviation from Ai's regular nights itself; Ai normally spent his weekends on his own. However, when he thought back, he had been making exceptions regarding the weekend ever since the day he stayed with Natsuki while Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru went out to corner Ozrock.

_Deviations and exceptions..._

Words that seemed more pleasant than they used to, in contrast to how the words "alone" and "solitude" seemed deficient of something that Ai was starting to understand as "warmth", "emotion" and of course, "companionship". The very "something"s that he'd been sharing and somehow sensing when he was with the two males sitting in front of him on the moving vehicle. Laying against the backrest, Ai could hear Natsuki and Reiji's voices getting fainter and fainter like the wind going further and further away as his fatigue clouded his head and vision like a thick fog, his eyes slowly closing, his battery low.

_Friends..._

The word that used to be something that Ai considered "unnecessary" echoed like a gentle whisper in his head and a strange warmth flitted through his chest like the light of a candle, disappearing quickly while its effect lingered on. As his eyes quietly slid to a close, a nearly inaudible thought filled his heavy head like a river, seeping through gently, and a small smile curved itself on Ai's lips.

_It... has more meaning now..._ _It's warm... and... now... I see why..._

The thought faded away into the blackness, to be stored safely in his memory, sure to be remembered by him like today, this Friday that deviated from Ai's routine, would be, and his eyes fluttered to a gentle close like a butterfly in the pitch darkness.

_It's because I'm with you two... That itself... is the reason._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Ahh. Looks like Ai-Ai's asleep."

"Yep," Natsuki agreed, turning to face the backseat where Ai laid against the backrest, the latter's eyes closed tightly. Natsuki soon felt a bright smile spread across his face. "Ai-chan looks so cute smiling like that while sleeping!"

"Ho ho!" Reiji grinned. "That's a rare moment to behold! Do snap a photo and send it to me, Nattsun!"

Natsuki laughed softly, not wanting to wake Ai up as he took his yellow cellphone out of his pocket. "Yep!"

Reiji did his best to stifle a laugh as Natsuki took a photo of Ai with the camera in his phone. Natsuki then took a few more photos from different angles, unable to stop smiling at the innocent, angelic expression on Ai's sleeping face. When he was done and went back to his regular sitting position, Reiji gave him a thumbs-up sign with a cheeky grin on his face and Natsuki laughed quietly, giving one back.

"Say, Nattsun."

"Yes, Rei-chan-senpai?"

"We're going to tell Shining-san that you'll be living with me from now on when Monday comes, right?" Reiji asked, carefully taking a turn on the road.

Natsuki nodded. "Yep and then..." His heart stumbled slightly at what came next. "I'll have to tell the other Starish members."

Natsuki smiled painfully, remembering how Tokiya had insisted on coming back hours earlier.

"I'm pretty sure they won't take it well, though," he admitted quietly.

"You don't have to worry, Nattsun."

Manuevering the steering wheel with one hand, Reiji turned to Natsuki and smiled kindly.

"You won't be telling them alone. Ai-Ai and I will be right there with ya and make sure it'll all be fine. Besides, it's your right, Nattsun. It's up to you who you wanna live with, not them," Reiji said, placing his free hand on Natsuki's shoulder and squeezing it tightly. "And don't let it get to you too much. We have a whole weekend to enjoy together before we go talk to Shining-san, so don't worry about it, 'cause we'll be right there, Nattsun."

Reiji released Natsuki's shoulder and held out a curled fist, smiling at him.

"Or should I say... new flatmate?"

Natsuki chuckled, his heart revelling in the warmth they shared, and bumped fists with Reiji whose smile widened.

"Yep, new flatmate, Rei-chan-senpai."

As soon as he said it, Natsuki realized how awkward his statement was and could feel blood rushing into his cheeks in embarrassment. "Oh, Nattsun..." Reiji laughed and despite his embarrassment, Natsuki soon found himself laughing as well as the night stretched ahead of them, the infinite expanse dotted with a million glistening silver stars that reminded him of raindrops flashing across the sky like gemstones. Natsuki looked over his shoulder at Ai who was sleeping peacefully, the latter's face as serene and innocent as it was before.

With a gentle smile on his face, Natsuki let himself stop worrying about Monday for now and cherish the night, this memory that he was blessed to share with his dear friends Reiji and Ai, that he would never wish to change by even the slightest bit even if a shooting star fell across the sky.

This memory... that he would never forget no matter what.

_"One, two, the bright memories etched into my mind_

_These memories aren't bad, they transform into warmth"_

\- "Winter Blossom", by Ai Mikaze (Shouta Aoi)


	15. Fracture

Reiji Kotobuki

"Natsuki, I did not expect you to like this kind of music. It's rather surprising to me, given what kinds of songs you normally sing onstage."

"Starish usually sings songs that give off energy and spirit to the crowd," Natsuki said, smiling faintly before spooning another small lump of his strawberry ice-cream, "but I really like songs that move the heart too. Ballads, piano music, songs with deep meanings..."

His eyes smiled.

"I wish that I could make a song like that."

Reiji smiled at Natsuki's pure sincerity as Ai nodded in understanding. It was a Sunday afternoon. They were sitting at a bench table in the park, with Ai seated directly across Natsuki and Reiji, eating ice-cream that they had bought in a nearby ice-cream parlour while taking turns in choosing songs to listen to with Reiji's viridian cellphone playing the music at the center of the table. While Reiji had chosen soft but energetic tunes and Ai had picked lyricless piano and violin music, Natsuki had chosen surprisingly sentimental and touching songs. Taking another spoonful of his cupped chocolate ice-cream as the treetops' red, orange and brown leaves swayed and rustled gently in the autumn breeze, Reiji wrapped an arm around Natsuki and spoke.

"Well, you Starish guys are all in charge of making your own solos this time around, right?" Reiji asked. "Maybe this is your shot at creating that kind of song, Nattsun! After all, Shining-san did say it was all up to you and with a bright, emotional heart like yours," he grinned, "I'm sure you can create a song like that!"

"Speaking of that project," Ai said, placing his small spoon back into his cup of vanilla ice-cream, "how is the progression of your solo, Natsuki? Have you figured out what song you're writing?"

Natsuki smiled slightly. "Actually-"

"You're so useless!"

"I-I didn't mean to-"

"Just go away!"

Natsuki was cut off mid-sentence by a harsh voice and a timid, trembling one. Reiji and Natsuki's eyes widened as they and Ai turned to the direction from which the voices were coming from, only to find a blond teenager who could not be more than 12-years-old being shoved to the ground by a redhead, with three other boys watching them. Reiji stared in shock as the redhead sneered at the wincing blond and let out a condescending scoff.

"See why you're always the last pick whenever we play together? You're so useless! Do you even know how to play properly, Eli, you loser?"

Anger coursed through Reiji's blood as he started to get up from the bench and Eli pulled himself up, the latter's eyes filled with pain as the redhead continued to taunt him.

"Nobu-" Eli tried to speak, his voice weak.

"Maybe you should go and find some other-"

"Please stop it."

Reiji's eyes widened in surprise as Natsuki reached the teenage boys first, not noticing how fast the latter had walked. With Ai following closely behind him, Reiji increased his pace as Natsuki stood beside Eli and faced Nobu, all five teenagers staring at the Starish member in utter shock and disbelief.

"Nattsun!" Reiji called out.

"What's your problem, sir?" the redhead, Nobu, demanded rudely. "It's none of your business."

"My friends and I saw you hurting him," Natsuki spoke quietly, his voice filled with anguish as he glanced at Eli, whose head was hung, and Reiji and Ai reached them. "I don't know what happened between you guys, but shoving and using those kind of words hurt other people."

"Nobu was just too excited," one of the boys who had been quiet spoke up. "Eli made a big mistake in the game and Nobu got mad, that's all."

"We're all friends, sir," another added, slinging an arm around Eli who did not respond, looking up at Natsuki. Reiji mentally grimaced at how ironic the statement was given what they were seeing before their very eyes. "Eli knows that too. It's normal for Nobu to get mad when Eli messes up the games and we're all used to it. Right, Eli?"

Eli was nudged on the shoulder and he nodded hastily without looking at Natsuki or the others. Reiji frowned as Ai narrowed his eyes and Natsuki stared at Eli's friends with sheer pain and sorrow glimmering in his green eyes, knowing that all three of them were thinking the exact same thing.

"Even if you're mad and he's your friend," Natsuki said softly, "it doesn't mean that you can-"

"We're done listening to you, _sir_."

Nobu's tone was mocking as he scoffed at Natsuki and looked around at all the other teenagers.

"We're wasting our time with this moron. Let's go and start another game now!"

"Yeah!"

"Wait," Natsuki tried, but Nobu and the other teenagers except for Eli were already sprinting away from them with their game consoles, paying no heed to what Natsuki wanted to say. Eli gave Natsuki a quick, apologetic glance before yelling for Nobu and the others to wait for him and running after them. Natsuki called Eli's name and reached his hand out, but the latter did not look back as he tried to catch up with his friends and the former soon lowered his eyes, a pained expression on his face. Taking a few steps towards Natsuki, Reiji placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze as Ai joined them.

"You tried your best, Nattsun," Reiji consoled him, smiling lightly, "and I'm sure that Eli feels a bit better knowing that you defended him."

"Yep, Rei-chan-senpai," Natsuki responded, his voice quiet and tortured by deep anguish, smiling weakly, "but... he just seemed so lonely and sad, guys. Even if they're actually friends with one another, he looked like he was all alone in that group of boys, like he was singled out by the people he cared about."

Natsuki's eyes were tight with pain.

"None of them... even defended him when he needed it the most and they just stood up for the other boy instead..."

"From what I have memorized regarding the park's area, I am 80% certain that I know where Eli and the other boys will be," Ai stated. He smiled softly at Natsuki. "If you would like, we can gather our belongings and check on Eli now. Would you like that, Natsuki?"

Reiji nodded in agreement as Natsuki looked at both of them and smiled lightly, the latter's sorrowful green eyes brightening a little.

"Yep, that would be nice. Thank you, Ai-chan, Rei-chan-senpai."

Both Reiji and Ai smiled back and the three of them headed back to the bench table where their ice-cream cups and sling bags were. As they walked together, Reiji couldn't help but feel a pang of sorrow twist through his heart at the events that had just taken place, at the deep pain that Natsuki suffered.

_"Even if they're actually friends with one another, he looked like he was all alone in that group of boys, like he was singled out by the people he cared about."_

_That image is all-too familiar, Nattsun..._ _Being sacrificed too easily by your own friends like your feelings didn't matter as much as theirs, being hurt by the people who are supposed to be there for you, being called cruel names and emotionally tortured by them..._

Reiji rubbed Natsuki on the back gently, a sad smile flitting across his lips.

_That's what Starish... has subjected you to, Nattsun..._

Although the weekend flew by extremely quickly and it was easy to lose track of time when he was with Natsuki and Ai, both whom he deeply loved being with, Reiji never forgot that Monday, the day that the three of them would go to Shining Saotome's office at the mansion, was approaching. And the complexity of that day was not about getting Shining Saotome's approval; Reiji was sure that the senior would understand. The problem, from the very beginning, was the fact that Natsuki would have to tell his band members that he was moving to Reiji's apartment. Taking another spoonful of his chocolate ice-cream, Reiji noticed the pain flashing across Natsuki's face as the latter placed his transparent water bottle into his yellow sling bag. Reiji had promised Natsuki that both he and Ai would be there for him and they both definitely would live up to that promise, but he knew that even with their presence, the situation itself would still be an excruciating ordeal for Natsuki, who had been deeply wounded by his band members, especially Syo.

_"It's not the first time that Tokiya-kun or Syo-chan yelled at me like that."_

Reiji had definitely not forgotten Natsuki's brief confession about his band members from the day that Syo lashed out at him either. That sentence would flicker inside Reiji's head like a blue flame during the nights he laid on his bed recalling what had been occurring amidst Starish, the group that had given such a strong impression on how their friendship and ties with one another built up their strength as a whole, how they had that bond that Reiji's own group, Quartet Night, had always lacked. Ai gestured at the direction to which Eli and the other boys had run off to and the three of them walked together, finishing their ice-cream while occasionally giving one another smiles during the silent stroll. Reiji had not discussed it with Ai or Natsuki, but he deeply suspected that Natsuki's situation with Starish mirrored Eli's with Nobu and the other teenagers, that amidst a group whose bond seemed to be so strong, Natsuki had been alone. And Reiji was not just referring to the time frame ever since the night Natsuki broke down on the sidewalk.

_This... has been going on for quite awhile, hasn't it, Nattsun?_

Natsuki suddenly halted in his footsteps, anguish flashing in his green eyes. Reiji and Ai immediately turned to where Natsuki was facing and they saw it. While Nobu and the other boys were laughing while playing with their game consoles, Eli was sitting with his mother on a bench under a withered tree, hugging her tightly. His mother was rubbing him gently on the back as Eli sobbed into her chest, his petite figure trembling violently, his cries wrenching Reiji's heart. And Reiji's heart was only tortured even more when images of Natsuki staring over his shoulder at him and Ai with a broken expression in his tearful green eyes flooded his head like a maelstrom, stabbing him like knives.

_It's almost like we're back in that studio again..._

"They made him cry... even though they called him their friend..."

Natsuki's soft voice faltered as his green eyes remained on the mother and son, tortured with a quiet sorrow.

"I don't want him... to feel alone..."

Reiji gave Natsuki a tight squeeze on the shoulder as Ai rubbed him on the back gently. Although Natsuki did not say it, Reiji could tell the other meaning behind the kind-hearted male's words: _I don't want him to feel the same pain I felt._ Like his kindness, his own empathy ended up wounding Natsuki too, and the thought of him being in tremendous pain squeezed Reiji's heart excruciatingly. Eli soon got up from the bench and he and his mother began walking away from the other boys, towards the direction in which Reiji, Natsuki and Ai were standing. Eli looked up from the grass and his tearful eyes widened slightly when he saw Natsuki. But almost immediately, Eli shut his eyes and held his head down as he and his mother walked past Reiji, Natsuki and Ai, a broken silence amidst them. In his heart, Reiji decided to ask Natsuki about Starish another time, knowing that now was not a good time, and instead, offered to bring them to the river area and gaze at the stars to end the weekend.

_Monday is coming and I know that the other members of Starish have hurt you to the point that you feel alone, but..._

Natsuki smiled at the suggestion while Ai nodded and Reiji grinned, the latter happy that the mood was lightening up at least a little.

_... you won't be alone, Nattsun, because Ai-Ai and I... we will be with you no matter what._

Otoya Ittoki

_Ahh, the weather's great today!_

Stretching his arms, Otoya couldn't help but smile brightly as he walked along the mansion's corridor, warm sunlight spilling onto the red carpet as the azure skies shone outside the glass windows.

_Can't wait to play my guitar and work on that solo!_

Humming happily, Otoya's pace quickened and he was close to breaking into a run towards his and Tokiya's shared dormitory when he suddenly skidded to a halt. A few meters away from where he was, Natsuki, Reiji and Ai were heading towards another direction, talking to one another in low voices. Natsuki was smiling lightly as Reiji tilted his grey fedora and Ai said something that made the other two laugh. Reiji was about to turn to Otoya's direction and the latter quickly hid behind the red curtains, his heart palpitating as he waited for their footsteps to fade away.

_Natsuki? Rei-chan? Ai-senpai?_

Otoya's eyes were wide with confusion and disbelief.

_What are they all doing here early in the morning?_

Unsure if their presence was a good thing, once he was sure that they had left, Otoya rushed towards the cafeteria where he had come from, completely dropping the idea of getting his guitar and deciding to find the others.

_I have to tell Tokiya and everyone else!_

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Hm... so you and Mr Kotobuki have agreed that you will be permanently residing together, is that right, Mr Shinomiya?"

"Yes, Shining-sensei," Natsuki replied, nodding as Reiji nodded too. Natsuki, Reiji and I were inside Shining Saotome's office, standing beside one another in front of the desk that the burly, auburn-haired senior sat at. When the three of them first entered a while ago, Shining was already inside, drinking a cup of coffee, its aroma wafting throughout the cold air. He had flashed them a wide smile and gestured for them to come closer so that they could talk and they did. Standing between Reiji and Ai, Natsuki felt his heart falter and stumble inside his chest as they waited for a response from their senior, a deep, palpable silence in the office.

 _It'll be alright, Nattsun_ , Reiji had assured him before knocking on the door to the office, smiling brightly. _We'll be right next to you! And besides..._ Reiji let out a laugh before saying with a wink, _if he has any reservations, I can always bribe him with my cooking. It's quite the charm!_

While Ai had rolled his eyes at Reiji's last statements, Natsuki had laughed along with the eldest senpai, and now he could feel his heartbeat slowing down slightly as Reiji glanced at him and flashed him a smile. Natsuki gave him a quick smile before Shining Saotome spoke again.

"May I ask why you decided to reside with Mr Kotobuki instead of your fellow band members?" Shining Saotome examined Natsuki's expression. "It appears that your band members are expecting your eventual return."

Natsuki nodded, his heart clenching in his chest. "I know that, sensei. Tokiya-kun asked me about that after performing together a few days ago." Taking a deep breath and releasing it, Natsuki gave himself a few seconds to calm down before facing Shining and speaking again. "But... I also know that the one that I want to stay with the most is Rei-chan-senpai. Ever since the day he took me in, he's been there for me, was very kind and caring, and helped me even when he didn't have to. It's because I got to be with him and Ai-chan that I was able to heal and pull through the pain and I... I want to be there for the both of them too, sensei, to stay for them."

Shining Saotome stroked his chin. "Hm..."

"And I want Nattsun to stay as well, even if his band members disapprove," Reiji added, placing a hand on Natsuki's shoulder. "I want to be there for him no matter what, Shiny-san. He was there for me too, every single day and moment he lived with me. Shiny-san, you know as well as I do that I chose on my own accord to live alone for years before this whole thing happened, but ever since I took Nattsun in, he changed me, Shiny-san. He wasn't the only one who changed because of all this; I did and so did Ai-Ai."

Reiji glanced at Natsuki and Ai and smiled.

"It's with them that I felt the most honest I've ever felt."

Natsuki and Ai smiled back as Shining Saotome slowly nodded.

"Then what do you three have to say about the Starish members?"

"I can answer that," Ai spoke up, his voice calm and even. "Based on my observations and as already stated in my reports, Natsuki's fellow members of Starish have been detrimental to his recovery. From the day of the photoshoot and the events that ensued afterwards, their lack of empathy and consideration towards him has severely wounded him and while it is understandable that they desire for Natsuki to return to the dormitories, what I have observed from Tokiya's questioning is a forceful approach that disregarded what Natsuki wanted and an attempt to pressure him into doing what they wanted."

Ai's blue eyes were serious.

"From the 2 weeks that I spent with Reiji and Natsuki, although I admit to having a lack of knowledge about human emotions, I can say with 100% certainty that I believe that they should continue to live together. I have observed how they support and care for each other, how they give meaning to the relationship known as 'friendship', and I can say for sure that it has changed me as well. Not only that, but forcing Natsuki to move back to the dormitory will bring pain to all three of us."

Placing a hand over his chest, Ai glanced at Natsuki and Reiji and smiled faintly.

"So please consider this wish, Shining-san."

The moment Ai finished, a deep silence was draped over the four males in the office. Natsuki could hear his unstable heartbeat pounding inside his ears and he, Reiji and Ai glanced at one another, now only able to hope that their senior understood their wish and agreed to permit him to stay with Reiji. Ai gave Natsuki a light pat on the back and out of the blue, a deep laugh was heard. His eyes widening in confusion, Natsuki turned to face Shining Saotome, who let out another loud laugh, followed by a few more, not paying any heed to the three males' stares.

"Shining-sensei?" Natsuki asked.

"Shiny-san?" Reiji's voice was puzzled.

"There's nothing to consider, boys."

His heart clenching, Natsuki's eyes widened at the senior's words. "What do you mean... sensei?"

"There's nothing to consider, Mr Shinomiya, because..."

A wide smile suddenly spread across Shining's face.

"Because you got my approval the moment you stepped into my office, boys!"

Natsuki, Reiji and Ai gasped and stared at one another, genuinely surprised and astonished by Shining's declaration.

_S-Shining-sensei...?_

"I've been keeping track of the progress you have been making ever since you started living with Mr Kotobuki, Mr Shinomiya, and I do not only mean with Mr Mikaze's reports," Shining explained, facing Natsuki with a large smile. "Amidst your struggles, it appears that you are making tremendous effort to grow past your agony and it shows in the fact that you came to express your wishes to me and how Mr Tamaki lauded you for your performance during the photoshoot."

Shining turned to Reiji and Ai and smiled broadly.

"And I can see that you've greatly moved Mr Kotobuki and Mr Mikaze as well. I'm extremely glad to see that you two have made progress along with Mr Shinomiya too! Wonderful, just wonderful!"

A hand squeezed Natsuki gently on the shoulder and he faced Reiji, who smiled brightly at him. Ai stepped closer to them and smiled faintly too. His heart overflowing with a river of warmth, Natsuki smiled brightly, deeply relieved and happy at the same time.

"So to be clear, Shining-san," Ai spoke first, facing the senior, "do Natsuki and Reiji have your approval to live permanently with each other?"

"Of course, Mr Mikaze!" Shining exclaimed, beaming brightly. "They have my complete approval!"

Natsuki smiled brightly. "Thank you so much, Shining-sensei!"

"Yeap!" Reiji agreed enthusiastically as Ai nodded with a smile. "Thank you, Shiny-san! I'll be sure to send you a free Kotobuki bento later!"

Shining laughed as Ai let out a quiet sigh. "You were planning to bribe me with that meal if I said no, weren't you?"

"Ehh?" Reiji exclaimed, his eyes widening as he pretended to be shocked. "Where did that idea come from, Shiny-san? It's a special treat, that's all!"

Ai shook his head with a sigh as Natsuki smiled awkwardly and Shining laughed. "You are unbelievable, Reiji."

"Don't sell me out, Ai-Ai! I wasn't planning to bribe him, right, Nattsun?"

"E-Ehh? Rei-chan-senpai-"

"You're being a bad influence to Natsuki, Reiji."

"You're so mean, Ai-Ai!"

Natsuki and Shining laughed as Reiji protested to an expressionless Ai, his heart freed of the worry of their senior not giving his approval. Overwhelmed with pure joy, Natsuki pulled both Reiji and Ai closer and glomped both of them into a tight hug, smiling brightly as he laughed happily. And his heart grew even warmer when he heard Reiji laugh and felt the latter and Ai hug back, with Shining's loud laugh entering his ears too.

For that very moment, at least, his heart was entirely warm.

Reiji Kotobuki

"Bye, Shining-sensei! Thank you again for meeting us and giving your approval!"

"No problem, Mr Shinomiya!" Shining responded loudly, grinning. "Feel free to come if you boys need anything!"

"Yep!"

Ai nodded briefly before closing the double doors behind them. When the doors to the office were firmly shut, Reiji let out a sigh of happiness and held out a curled fist to Natsuki and Ai with a bright smile.

"Let's bro-fist to celebrate Shiny-san's approval!" Reiji suggested excitedly.

Natsuki smiled brightly and Ai's lips formed a small smile as they held out their fists as well and the three of them bumped their fists together, allowing a surge of utter joy to course through Reiji's blood. Reiji jumped up, pumped his fist up into the air, and landed back down onto the carpeted floor, grinning as Natsuki laughed and Ai sighed quietly. Although he had to admit that a free bento from his family's restaurant was nowhere near enough to express his gratitude, Reiji did hope that Shining Saotome knew how sincerely happy and grateful the three of them were, how much the latter's approval meant to them. Wrapping an arm around Natsuki, Reiji glanced at the closed double doors to the office and smiled, mentally thanking the senior again.

 _Although it's not nearly enough_ , Reiji thought, his heart swelling with joy, _I'll send you five- no, ten more free bentos on behalf of all of us, Shiny-san._

"Are you sure they were headed this way, Ittoki?"

"Yeah, Masa! I'm very sure!"

Natsuki's green eyes widened, pain and worry sweeping across his face like a sharp gale at the footsteps and voices that amplified with each passing moment. Sensing the tension in Natsuki's heart, Reiji placed a hand on the former's shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile, muttering, "We're here, Nattsun," before he, along with Ai, faced the direction in which Masato, Otoya and the others could be heard. In a few moments, Natsuki's fellow six members of Starish appeared a few meters away from them, talking with one another, with Syo, Otoya and Ren at the front and Tokiya, Masato and Cecil right behind them. Otoya turned to where Reiji, Ai and Natsuki were and his red eyes dilated in shock as the others started to turn as well. Soon, all six males had halted in their footsteps and were staring straight at the three of them, who stared back quietly.

_It's alright, Nattsun._

Reiji squeezed the shoulder of a tense Natsuki again, his eyes remaining on the other Starish boys.

_We'll all be fine._

"Mikaze-senpai. Kotobuki-senpai. Shinomiya."

Masato was the first to greet them, nodding briefly.

"We are surprised that you are here early in the morning."

"I see," Ai said, his voice calm, his blue eyes expressionless. "From what we overheard, it appears that the six of you were looking for us. Is something the matter?"

"Actually, there is," Tokiya replied, his voice as calm as Ai's. He faced Natsuki. "We would like to talk to Shinomiya-san, if that's alright with him. It's important."

Reiji glanced at Natsuki and gave him a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder, reminding him that he was not alone, and the latter smiled lightly. Out of the corner of his eye, Reiji saw Syo clenching his fists.

"Tokiya-kun, guys, I also need to tell you all something," Natsuki said with a slight smile, and Reiji could tell that the former was trying his best to remain calm. "So how about we all go to the living room and talk there?"

Ren smiled slightly. "Sounds good, Shinomi."

Tokiya nodded as the others agreed. "So Kotobuki-san, Mikaze-san, we'll be borrowing Shinomiya-san for awhile-"

"Asking for permission won't be necessary, Toki."

Reiji slung an arm around Natsuki and smiled widely, noting the confusion in his mentee's blue eyes.

"'Cause Ai-Ai and I will be there with you all too!"

The six Starish members gasped in surprise and stared at Reiji, Ai and Natsuki who nodded in agreement, and Syo was the first to speak- or rather, raise his voice.

"Excuse me?" Syo nearly yelled, his blue eyes flashing with annoyance.

"You're excused," Ai said monotonously.

"Why are you two shoving your faces into this?" Syo demanded, clearly getting more and more irritated with each syllable. "It's none of your freaking business, so let us talk on our-"

"Actually, it is."

His smile disappearing, Reiji tightened his arm around Natsuki protectively and faced Syo and the other Starish members with an unfazed, serious stare.

"We've let you guys talk to Nattsun alone a number of times, but we all know how those times turned out," Reiji continued, his tone placid, disregarding the scowl on Syo's face, "so I don't see why Ai-Ai and I should trust you to have a decent talk with him. Besides, we both want to be there for Nattsun no matter what and gave him our word for it."

Ai nodded silently, his emotionless gaze towards the other Starish members unflinching. Reiji gave them a meaningful smile.

"So let's have a proper talk this time around, alright?"

Ranmaru Kurosaki

"So looks like those punks gave up way more easily than we thought."

Ranmaru looked down at the texts that Reiji had sent to the Quartet Night groupchat a few seconds ago.

"Reiji and Ai still owe us my meat and your sweets, though. Big time."

"Without a doubt," Camus agreed.

Ranmaru and Camus were sitting in the empty lounge area at a glass table, the latter drinking a cup of tea filled with God-knows-how-many lumps of sugar. With his bass guitar resting on his lap snugly, Ranmaru reread the messages that Reiji had sent just a few moments ago to the Quartet Night groupchat:

_"Got em to agree much sooner than I thought"_

_"Now we're_ _otw_ _to the living room"_

_"Thank you though, Ran-Ran_ _M_ _yu_ _-_ _channnnn_ _"_

Ranmaru narrowed his eyes. When Reiji texted the group during the weekend, Ranmaru had initially thought his band member was attempting to get the entirety of Quartet Night to hang out and bond for the umpteenth time, and it pricked Ranmaru with annoyance. He had been so ready to send a resolute "No" to the groupchat, to see Reiji whine in text. But surprisingly, that wasn't it. Not even close.

Reiji, along with Ai, was asking him and Camus a favour.

 **Reiji:** We'll treat you guys to meat and sweets after you do this for us, so hear us out, okay?

 **Camus:** Continue.

 **Ranmaru:** Im listenin

 **Ranmaru:** If ais in it cant be tht ridiculous of a favour

 **Reiji:** SO MEANNNN

 **Reiji:** But anyway it's about Monday

 **Ranmaru:** Its a weekday what abt it?

 **Ai:** Reiji, Natsuki and I will be going to see Shining-san about Natsuki's living arrangements, with a request for Natsuki to permanently live with Reiji.

 **Ranmaru:** WHAT THE

 **Ai:** ?

 **Ranmaru:** SOMEONE ACTUALLY DIDNT FIND REIJI TOO ANNOYING TO LIVE WITH???

 **Reiji:** HEYYYY

 **Camus:** Be reminded that it is, after all, Shinomiya who is the subject of that statement, Kurosaki.

 **Ranmaru:** Yeah gotta applaud that kid for having the patience to deal with reiji

 **Reiji:** So mean...

 **Camus:** Do continue, Kotobuki, Mikaze.

 **Reiji:** What we're worried about isn't what Shiny-san is gonna think

 **Reiji:** Knowing him we'll be fine when it comes to that

 **Ranmaru:** But?

 **Ai:** Natsuki's band members are the issue in hand.

 **Camus:** That is undeniable and inevitable. They will clearly disapprove of Shinomiya's decision, and I presume your problem lies in the latter's eventual need to tell them?

 **Reiji:** Yep, we're worried about Nattsun

 **Ai:** And neither of us trusts the other Starish members with Natsuki's feelings.

 **Camus:** Justified.

 **Ranmaru:** So whts the plan?

 **Ai:** We are asking for your presence and support.

 **Ranmaru:** Hah

 **Reiji:** Ai-Ai and I plan on accompanying Nattsun when he goes n talks to the rest of Starish

 **Ranmaru:** Gud luk with tht

 **Ranmaru:** Those punks will be anythin bt ok wth tht

 **Ai:** If they object or protest, Reiji and I can easily counter. However, if it comes to extreme circumstances, we would like the ability to get your and Camus' involvement as a means of enforcement.

 **Camus:** I believe I fathom this matter. So Mikaze, Kotobuki, you two are requesting that in exchange for treating us to our delicacies, you wish for us to be present in order to coerce the insolent swines into conceding to your desire to support Shinomiya, with the fact that those fools would much rather deal with two instead of four seniors, am I right?

 **Reiji:** Yep

 **Ranmaru:** The sugar addict and i are the ones theyre the most afraid of so we're really good as a threat arent we?

 **Reiji:** E-Eto...

 **Camus:** I see. Very well. As long as you can guarantee the compensation to be granted after the request is fulfilled, I am more than willing to go along with this plan.

 **Ranmaru:** No prob here either as long as i get ma meat at d end

 **Reiji:** YAYYYYY THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYSSSSSSS

 **Ai:** Thank you, Camus, Ranmaru.

 **Ranmaru** **:** Don mention it

 **Ranmaru:** Btw id be more than glad to beat em punks as an added bonus if ya guys want

 **Camus:** Your violent tendencies are becoming more apparent, you fool.

 **Ranmaru:** Whats d prob?

 **Ranmaru:** Its abt threats rite?

 **Ranmaru:** A lil roughhousing wouldnt hurt

 **Reiji:** YES IT WILL

"So they're all headin' to the living room now..."

His arms crossed behind his head, Ranmaru tilted his head over to Camus, who was quietly sipping his tea.

"What's your plan?"

"Why do you ask?" Camus asked back immediately, not looking at him. "Do you, perhaps, care about what is about to unfold?"

"Nah," Ranmaru answered, scoffing at Camus' words, "but I sure am bored right now since Reiji and Ai didn't have to resort to bringing us into this. Wouldn't hurt to see what's gonna happen. Besides, how many times have we watched what those punks were up to from the 2nd floor back in the Master Course?"

His eyes closed, Camus smirked. "I am surprised that you are exhibiting more intelligence than your appearance suggests you have."

Ranmaru snorted as he got up and rested his bass guitar against the sofa. "And you are the most two-faced guy I've ever had to put up with in my life."

However, it was Ranmaru's turn to smirk when Camus pulled himself up from the sofa. "Now who's the caring one?"

"Silence, you fool. I simply wish to observe how those fools will do."

After exchanging a few subtle and not-so-subtle insults, Ranmaru and Camus left the lounge and began heading towards the area on the 2nd floor where they would be able to watch Reiji, Ai and all their kouhais in the living room. If Ranmaru was to be completely honest, he had to admit that Reiji was quite the thinker to come up with that kind of plan for this - he and Camus had both agreed that the one who got the idea in the first place was undoubtedly Reiji. The prankster was definitely a lot smarter than he looked, even though he was quite the annoyance most of the time. But Ranmaru doubted that it was enough to really lessen the casualties of what was bound to happen and was sure that Reiji himself knew that.

_I'm no psychic or walking calculator able to guestimate the future and all that junk, but I can guess what's about to go down._

Ranmaru inwardly grimaced, hating the thought of Camus noticing and using it to say that the former cared about what was about to happen. After all, Camus was a royal pain and would always be.

_Whatever's about to go down... it's gonna get real ugly real fast._

Natsuki Shinomiya

The atmosphere of the living room was thick and restless with unspoken yet all-too palpable emotions and thoughts. Sitting between Reiji and Ai on a red sofa, Natsuki glanced around at his band members, unable to help the faltering of his heart. With his arms folded, Tokiya sat directly across Natsuki on the brown sofa with Masato, who maintained a placid expression. On Masato's left, Ren was leaning against the sofa while Otoya and Cecil were sitting on identical wooden chairs, their eyes restless and nervous. On Tokiya's right, Syo was scowling, not at all concealing his resentment towards the idea of Reiji and Ai being here with them. Looking away, Natsuki stared blankly at the glass table in the middle of the living room, trying to rearrange his thoughts and find the right words.

_It's not easy at all... when you're already in this very moment._

"What did you want to talk about, Shinomi?"

At the sound of Ren's voice, Natsuki was pulled out of his thoughts and looked up, only to find his orange-haired friend smiling at him.

"You can go first, Shinomi. We will tell you what we want to after you are done."

Tokiya, Otoya and Cecil nodded wordlessly and Ren winked despite of the heavy atmosphere, which earned a sigh of annoyance from Masato. Smiling lightly, Natsuki nodded and thanked his band members, but their kind gesture was not doing anything to soothe the worry and nervousness gushing through his heart like a river. Instead, the fact that he was going first was making his heart falter and stumble even more. Natsuki glanced at Reiji and Ai and found both of them already facing him, giving him small encouraging smiles. Reiji patted him on the back and Natsuki smiled slightly at both of them, deeply grateful that they were both here.

He couldn't do this alone.

"Ren-kun, guys," Natsuki began, facing his band members, trying not to let his voice waver. "I don't think that there's any other way to say this, but..."

Natsuki took a deep breath and silently released it before speaking again.

"I... I am moving out of the dorms."

Immediately, all of his fellow Starish members gasped in shock and their reactions were quickly ensued by Otoya and Cecil's exclaims. "Ehh?" Natsuki could feel his heart clenching painfully inside his chest as he forced himself to not look down and avoid his band members' eyes that were fixated on him. Masato and Tokiya were staring at him with unsuppressed shock and disbelief in their eyes; Otoya and Cecil's expressions were pained; Syo was giving Natsuki a look like the latter had betrayed him. Ren, who had suggested for Natsuki to speak first, seemed the least surprised, but his eyes were downcast, not even looking at the latter, and it pierced Natsuki's heart like the pain on everyone else's faces did.

Their pain... would always end up being his too.

"Y-You're kidding, aren't you, Natsuki?"

Otoya made a feeble attempt to pass Natsuki's words off as a joke, but the former sounded as upset and unconvinced as his eyes looked.

"There's no way that you're not coming back... right?"

"Yeah, Natsuki," Cecil agreed, his cyan eyes filled with sorrow. "It's always been the seven of us living together! How could you not come back?"

His heart quivering in his chest, Natsuki smiled weakly, believing that the truth, no matter how painful, was better than a lie. "Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan and I went to see Shining-sensei earlier and explained about me moving out. Shining-sensei gave us his approval, so it's already settled, guys."

He quietly shook his head as Reiji squeezed him gently on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry, but this is my decision, guys... I-"

"Are you freaking kidding me, Natsuki?"

Syo's enraged shriek made Natsuki's heart slam against his chest hard and the former's finger was pointed straight at him, his blue eyes blazing with sheer fury and resentment.

"After living with us for more than two freaking years, you decide to move out and live with Reiji, who's not even your freaking senpai?" Syo demanded, his tone rising, and Natsuki tried not to tremble. "We're your best friends and you decided to just leave? You're literally abandoning us, Natsuki!"

"No, I'm not!" Natsuki exclaimed, Syo's words jabbing him like needles.

"Stop pretending to be oblivious!"

"I am not-"

"Liar!"

"Stop attacking Nattsun," Reiji interjected before Syo could continue yelling, his hand on Natsuki's shoulder tightening slightly. Natsuki turned to Reiji and his eyes widened at the cold indignance in the latter's normally-blithe grey eyes that was directed at Syo. "You are attacking Nattsun with baseless, cold accusations without even letting him explain his reasons. If he's your friend, shouldn't you be letting him speak instead of hurting him more the more you raise your voice?"

Syo scoffed coldly, glaring at Reiji. "Maybe I'd be doing that if you didn't barge into our problems in the first place!"

"Calm down, Kurusu-" Masato tried.

"It's all your fault, you sorry-excuse-of-a-senpai!"

Natsuki shook his head, staring at Syo with sheer disbelief and anguish immersing his throbbing heart. "Rei-chan-senpai didn't do anything wrong, Syo-chan! Please... don't blame him for any of t-"

"Why on earth are you freaking defending him?" Syo shouted at the top of his voice, snapping his eyes over to Natsuki. "Is that part of your supposed explanation on why you decided to leave us for him? Because you decided to leave us in the freaking dust for him? After all that we've done for you? Who's gonna be my freaking roommate when you're gone with him, huh? Who's gonna fill up that space when you're gone? You can't answer that, can you, Natsuki? Not when you didn't consider how I'd feel, huh?"

"That's not-"

"You're being too harsh, Syo!" Otoya said, shaking his head before turning to Natsuki with agony in his round red eyes. "But Syo has a point too. There's no reason for you to leave the dorms, Natsuki. Weren't all seven of us going to live together and be there for one another no matter what? We're all best friends, right?"

"Otoya-kun... you don't under-"

"Then please explain your perspective to us, Shinomiya-san," Tokiya cut in, indifferent to the Natsuki's pain, his arms crossed.

Natsuki nearly winced. "That's what I'm trying to-"

"You really wanna hear him out, guys?" Syo yelled. "It's freaking useless!"

_"Such hypocrisy."_

Amidst the chaos engulfing him, a dark, hostile voice that was familiar and unrecognizable at the same time entered Natsuki's head, causing his eyes to dilate as a chill ran down his spine. Natsuki nearly flinched, knowing that the words weren't even his, and the voice continued amidst the throbbing of his head with a cold scoff.

_"He asks who's gonna be his roommate? When he's been yapping about how he wished he could trade or bail out like a total brat when he thinks that Natsuki isn't around to hear it? Pathetic."_

"... He's. Useless!"

"Stop this, Syo."

"Shut up, Ai!"

 _And those brats all think that they have the right to call Natsuki their 'best friend' when they've made him suffer all this time_ , the dark voice continued, and Natsuki tried to drown it out, only to fail and for a pang of agony to stab through his mind. Natsuki flinched as the dark voice went on. _Throwing his cooking away, sacrificing his feelings, doing even more of that junk, and now they're letting that short brat say what he wants and get away with it. How sickening._

The pain suddenly amplified in Natsuki's head and he flinched, clutching it with one hand tightly, unable to comprehend what was going on, the voices around him drowned out by the pandemonium of his own mind.

_"I'm done watching this trash."_

"... Nattsun? Nattsun!"

Natsuki could barely hear Reiji as the hand that had been on his shoulder shook him vigorously, and the pain pounded inside his head again, causing him to flinch, his attempts to alleviate it all falling away. Panicking, Natsuki spun around to face Reiji and the latter was staring at him with grey eyes flooded with sheer worry and agony and the former was suddenly hyperaware of how unsteady and rapid his breathing had become, his inhales and exhales no longer having any rhythm or bringing any calmness over the sounds of his heart that was palpitating uncontrollably in his chest. Barely sensing Ai's arm wrapping itself around his shoulders or able to hear Reiji and Ai's voices, Natsuki squeezed his eyes shut and tried to choke out the words, attempting to speak through the chaos and the pain.

"I... can't... My head... is-"

"We're leaving," Reiji spoke, carefully pulling Natsuki up with Ai's help. He smiled painfully. "Just hang in there, Nattsun, just like back in the studio. Ai-Ai and I are with you."

Natsuki nodded weakly as he let Reiji and Ai lead him towards the exit, taking one step at a time, clutching his head tightly. But the closer they got to the exit, the more Natsuki's vision blurred over with spots of light and out of the blue, a torturous tightness from the day at the water-themed-photoshoot was constricting his chest, pushing against his heart like walls, and he winced, clutching his chest tightly. As he struggled to pull himself together, a hand suddenly jerked him backwards and a yell was heard.

"You're not getting away with pretending, Natsuki!"

Natsuki flinched, but before he could defend himself against Syo's cruel words, Reiji was talking back to the former, his voice filled with sheer coldness.

"Nattsun's not pretending to do anything!"

_"You're the one pretending, you short brat."_

"He's our band member, not yours, so we'll take it from here!"

_"You think you own him, you freaking-"_

"S-Stop..." Natsuki choked out weakly, squeezing his eyes shut as he clutched his head tightly, gritting his teeth. "Please... stop... Why... What are you-"

At that moment, a tremendous agony stabbed Natsuki on the head and chest and his eyes dilated as his vision blurred over with a thousand images flashing before his very eyes like a broken kaleidoscope. Trying to get a grip on himself, Natsuki could barely process anything that was overwhelming his pulsating head as the images flickered and flashed like flames and broken lights, blinding him.

A violin.

A shattered mirror and shards of glass.

Waves and frozen arrows.

Cold moonlight.

Unable to understand any of it, unable to fathom where it was all coming from or why a broken sorrow was engulfing his heart at the sight of those images, Natsuki stumbled and was suddenly falling forward, clutching his head tightly as his head spun like an uncontrollable hurricane of madness.

"Natsuki!"

As the images pounded inside his head, a loud melody came to life like the deafening roar of an engine and an unspeakable terror seized Natsuki with the memories that it brought along with it. That song. That concert. That hijacking that had traumatized hundreds of fans, that had scarred them physically and emotionally.

That song... that he'd heard from the footage in Ozrock's laptop.

_"Roughened shadow minds, driven almost to madness_

_Who am I? Leading the dark moon!"_

"Nattsun!"

Unable to stop trembling, Natsuki was suddenly aware of a tight grip on his shoulder and he lifted his head and found himself staring at Reiji and Ai. Both were staring at him in pure worry and anguish, telling him to take a deep breath and do his best to calm down, but their words only fell away as his heartbeat grew faster and faster and Natsuki flinched at the agony that the song that only seemed to amplify like loudspeakers sent torturing him. Reiji grabbed ahold of Natsuki's hand and the latter grasped the former's tightly, coughing violently as he choked on his own unsteady breaths and tears welled up behind his eyes, and Ai held Natsuki's hand too, squeezing it tightly.

_"Pleasant dark wind, dazzling shining sky"_

"Hang in there, Nattsun." Reiji's hand tightened around Natsuki's, and the latter could hear the undercurrent of sheer pain and worry in the former's voice. "We're not leaving you, Nattsun!"

_"And yet I still yearn for the sunrise!"_

"R-Rei... chan... senpai..." Natsuki tried to speak, warm tears running down his face like rivulets, "Ai... chan-"

_"Shadow and light, You and I, drawing closer"_

"- it... it won't... stop-"

_"Asking what's real or fake"_

"I'm t-trying... everything... b-but it... it won't..."

His head getting heavier and heavier like the weight of the world was pushing down on him, Natsuki felt his head slump forward and thud against Reiji's chest and the latter's hand clasped itself on his hair as he let out a quiet, unrestrained sob, the song amplifying mercilessly, his blurred mind darkening like a cold sky.

"Why... why won't..." Natsuki could hear his own voice getting fainter and fainter as he struggled to speak, "why..."

He tried to lift his head up and saw Reiji and Ai staring down at him in anguish, but even their faces were almost indecipherable amidst the blurs and chaos.

His heart was collapsing.

"Why... can't I..."

The hands holding his tightened, as though pleading for him to hold himself together, hoping with a deep anguish that he would be fine, but before he could even finish speaking, the images in his mind scattered into the darkness like butterflies with broken wings and his heart thudded loudly and excruciatingly. He fell forward and his eyes that had been blurred with tears slowly shut into the blackness, one last ephemeral, broken thought flickering inside his head like the shards of broken glass wings in front of a candle's flicker of light.

_Why... can't I hold myself together... for us...?_

Like the blurs of light, that tortured thought, too, was drowned in the darkness, and everything went completely still, with a few last words echoing through his head.

_"Gemini Syndrome"_

???

_Sleep tight, Natsuki._

_Leave it to me to handle those ungrateful brats._

_Their time is up, for it's_ **my** **turn** _._

Reiji Kotobuki

_Nattsun_ _..._

Reiji could feel his own heart throbbing endlessly in his chest, not at all able to heal amidst the cold silence.

_Why couldn't we protect you... from getting hurt like this?_

When Natsuki collapsed, Reiji had immediately tried to shake him awake while Ai checked his pulse and placed a hand over his forehead. Reiji had been horrified when Ai told him quietly that not only was Natsuki's fever worse than during the broken night they found him on the sidewalk, but the latter's heart was beating at an unstable rate that was dangerously lower than that of an average human being. As anguish, worry and alarm spun around Reiji's heart all at once, the double doors had crashed open, the sound quickly followed by Ranmaru's furious voice.

"What are you lot doing just standing there?" Ranmaru shouted at the Starish members behind Natsuki, Reiji and Ai, with Camus standing in the doorway behind him. "For cryin' out loud, get old man Shining while we try to sort out this mess you all caused!"

At the sound of Ranmaru's command, Otoya and Cecil immediately rushed out of the room towards the direction to the other exit in sheer panic. While Camus approached Reiji and Ai who was explaining that they needed medical equipment and that there was a clinic in the mansion that had what they needed, Ranmaru stormed towards Syo and yanked him by the collar of his T-shirt.

"What on freaking earth was that, you pipsqueak?" Ranmaru shrieked, his heterochromatic eyes blazing with unrestrained anger. "You were literally beating Natsuki over and over! Did you not learn a single freaking thing from what happened the other day?"

"How was I supposed to know he was gonna freaking crash down, Ranmaru?" Syo retorted angrily, completely dropping the honorific.

"Watch it, you-"

"Enough."

Reiji interrupted Ranmaru calmly, although he couldn't deny the fact that he himself was beyond indignant towards Syo and the others' lack of remorse and their actions. Ranmaru halted in his words and Reiji shook his head briefly as he hoisted Natsuki's arm over his shoulders.

"This is not easy for me myself to forgive either," Reiji continued, "but this can and will be settled later. So please help me carry Nattsun and let's go get what we need from the clinic. What's most important is making sure that Nattsun will be alright and from what Ai-Ai said, his condition is even worse than the night we found him."

Reiji looked Ranmaru in the eye, forcing a smile.

"So please calm down, alright, Ran-Ran?"

Snatching his hand away from Syo, Ranmaru cursed under his breath before sighing and walking briskly over to Reiji. Ranmaru took Natsuki's other arm and wrapped it around his back and they nodded at each other and carefully took one step at a time towards the nearest exit. Ai and Camus waited for them by the doorway, and Reiji tightened his grip on Natsuki, unable to imagine how much agony the latter had suffered within himself throughout the whole ordeal. A whole ordeal... that had been initiated by his own band members who did not seem to care that he was falling apart and kept either pushing him or remaining silent.

With his own emotions searing his own heart like flames, Reiji had a few things left to say to the remaining kouhais that he was leaving in the room.

"Even if you didn't expect things to turn out like this, one thing should be very clear by now."

Reiji's voice was calm but cold as Ai and Camus' eyes were narrowed and Ranmaru scowled.

"Now do you see why none of us trusts you to be alone with Nattsun?"

Disregarding Tokiya, Masato, Syo and Ren's silence, the Quartet Night members left and went straight to the mini clinic in the mansion. They got all the equipment and supplies that they needed and set everything up with help from the private nurse that Shining had hired as quickly and carefully as possible without much communication. So in less than 10 minutes, they had brought Natsuki to the spare bedroom next to the clinic and provided him with a BIPAP breathing machine, which only Ai initially knew the name of, as well as an ice pack and oxygen mask connected to the machine with a tube.

But even when they were done and could only hope that Natsuki would be alright, he could not bring himself to be at the slightest bit of ease. Even though he himself was the one who brought up the topic of forgiveness and verbally said that what happened would not be easily forgiven by him, deep inside his heart, Reiji could feel deep agony and guilt piercing his own heart as he thought:

_If you don't end up alright because of this, Nattsun..._

Reiji had hung his head at the thought,

_I will never be able to forgive myself._

The thought lingered on inside his head like cold vapour as Reiji sat on a wooden chair near Natsuki's bed, looking down at the latter's motionless body. With his head propped against a white pillow and more than half of his body under a blue quilt, Natsuki's eyes were shut tightly and a green translucent oxygen mask that was connected to the BIPAP machine was worn over his mouth and nose. His face was pallid and Reiji nearly flinched at the image of Natsuki clutching his head and chest, his face streaked with tears, his hand trembling as Reiji and Ai held it tightly and quietly pleaded for him to hang in there. Camus stood at the other side of the bed and Ranmaru leaned against the door as Ai stood beside Reiji, who took Natsuki's limp hand in his, noting how cold it'd become.

 _I promised that Ai-Ai and I would be there for you, that we'd be alright_ , Reiji mentally muttered, his heart wrenching in pain in his chest, _and I could tell that you were fighting to try and hang in there, to hold it together for us. But you only ended up even more hurt and I... I couldn't stop any of it from happening. I couldn't protect you when that was all I wanted to do..._

Reiji squeezed Natsuki's hand tightly, his own lips trembling slightly.

_Please... stay strong, Nattsun._

"They pushed him to the point that he even needs a freaking machine to breathe right..."

Ranmaru's voice was barely restrained and edged with utter resentment.

"Just what kind of band members do they think they are? They literally pushed him over the freaking edge and now he's the one who has to suffer? Just how messed up is this whole freaking thing?"

"Calm down, Ranmaru-"

"Calm down? You can't expect me to calm down when this whole thing is just so-"

"All those peasants will be reprimanded accordingly for their actions," Camus told Ranmaru, surprisingly not slipping in a single insult, "but this is not the time for such temperament, especially with such a tense atmosphere as we wait for Shinomiya's condition to stabilize."

Ranmaru cursed. "What's the know-it-all monitor saying, Ai?"

Reiji looked up at Ai, who opened his mouth to speak, but before any words could come out, there was a knock on the door. Cursing again, Ranmaru backed away and opened it, only to find a grim Shining Saotome standing outside with a nervous Otoya and Cecil, as well as the rest of Starish, right behind him. Shining Saotome told the Starish boys to wait outside before entering and Ranmaru shut the door. From the way Ranmaru cursed under his breath once the door shut, Reiji could tell that his silver-haired band member was glad that he didn't have to let any of his kouhais in.

That if he had to, he would have blown up.

"How is Mr Shinomiya's condition, Mr Mikaze?"

"His heartbeat is slowly increasing towards its normal rate," Ai responded, "but his fever is still alarmingly high. The last time I checked, his temperature was approximately 40.3 degrees Celsius."

"How does this compare to the day of your watercolor-themed photoshoot?"

"This is evidently a more severe case," Ai said, his eyes filled with pain as Reiji looked down. "That day, Natsuki was still capable of calming himself down with help from me and Reiji, but in this situation... his condition only worsened the more he attempted to."

Shining Saotome did not say a word for a moment. Slowly letting go of Natsuki's hand, Reiji got up and offered for their senior to take a seat, but Shining shook his head and simply stood next to Ai, staring down at an unconscious Natsuki, his normally-jubilant face ominously grim. The four Quartet Night members stood in the room in utter silence, with Reiji not knowing what to expect from the head of their agency. After a few tense moments, Shining Saotome heaved a sigh and spoke.

"This is more alarming than you think it is."

Reiji's heart froze as Shining continued.

"You are aware that Shinomiya suffers from a split-personality disorder called 'Gemini Syndrome', right?" His words earned a few grunts and quiet nods. "With that syndrome, ever since Shinomiya first came into the academy, his heart has always been unstable. Not unstable in the sense of insanity, but in the sense that it is like a pendulum; it can revert from one personality to the other in a second just by a single quick action."

"The removal of his glasses," Camus recalled, a deep frown evident in his voice.

"Correct. However, if it is triggered by the removal of his glasses, there is no strain exerted as it is not a matter of one personality trying to overshadow the other. That applies for all of the circumstances that Mr Kurusu and the other Starish boys have been handling all these years."

Shining Saotome paused.

"But that has completely changed."

Reiji felt his own heart thud in his chest as Shining looked around at all of them.

"Mr Mikaze's report regarding the first incident on the day of your photoshoot includes the detail that Mr Shinomiya was experiencing the unwarranted, unexplained tightening of his chest and his inability to breathe properly. I do not believe that it was an ordinary panic attack, but rather, another instability caused by Mr Shinomiya's other personality. We do not know Satsuki's motives, but what we do know is that he has repeatedly assaulted the other Starish boys during his appearances, and I suspect that he may be attempting to reappear, even if it means using brute force. And judging by the fact that these severe occurrences fell into place after the Starish members' actions, his attempts have a high likelihood of being direct consequences of their actions towards Mr Shinomiya."

"But Shiny-san," Reiji spoke up, afraid of what was about to come, "if Satsuki is trying to force his way out, what will happen to Nattsun?"

"If this does not continue to repeat itself, Mr Shinomiya will be fine. However, if this goes on, Mr Kotobuki, if his condition continues to be this unstable..."

Shining looked straight at Reiji, his eyes grave, and his next words stabbed the latter's heart like cold knives.

"Mr Shinomiya's heart will break and it will never be the same ever again."

Everyone gasped in horror as Reiji stared at Shining, who shook his head as a quiet apology. _Nattsun... will break...?_ Reiji almost wanted to break down at that very moment, tears on the verge of falling at the thought of Natsuki being broken into pieces, at his beloved friend being unable to be the same ever again. He could feel his shoulders quivering as Ai lowered his eyes beside him and he looked down at Natsuki, who was still motionless as the oxygen mask remained on his mouth and nose, his eyes closed in pain.

_That... That can't happen... please..._

"It will not be long until he wakes up, but be very cautious when he does."

Shining was in front of the door, not looking at any of them.

"It may not be Shinomiya Natsuki that you will be facing when his eyes are opened."

...

For the next few hours, Reiji and Ai remained in the soundless bedroom together, watching over Natsuki. Shining had gotten all the other six Starish members to meet him in his office and Camus and Ranmaru had gone to see how it went. Reiji would replace Natsuki's ice pack with a new one while Ai would take his temperature and check the heart monitor from time to time, neither of them saying much. They didn't really have to; just by glancing at each other, Reiji and Ai could tell that they were suffering the same pain, hoping the same thing, afraid of the worst that could happen.

They just wanted Natsuki to be alright and not let Shining's words be true.

"A heart's instability is another thing that my data severely lacks," Ai said once, his voice nearly inaudible as he placed a hand over Natsuki's forehead, "but from Natsuki's actions and expressions alone, I can say that it involved a number of uneven, unpredictable levels of elements. Panic, worry, fear, agony... a condition filled with torture and fractures."

Ai shook his head.

"It's a condition... that I never want him to experience ever again."

Reiji placed a hand on Ai's shoulder, smiling weakly.

"Let's hope he never does, alright?" Reiji could feel a lump in his throat. "I don't want... Nattsun to break..."

Ai nodded silently, smiling painfully. "Neither do I, Reiji."

They only left the room when Ranmaru opened the door and reminded them that they had to eat their lunch, that Natsuki wouldn't want to wake up knowing that they starved themselves waiting for him to open his eyes. So Reiji and Ai had gone to the cafeteria and had lunch with Ranmaru and Camus who was already eating by the time they came. Forcing himself to stomach his curry rice and miso soup, Reiji noticed the Starish members eating at another table in silence, the kouhais occasionally glancing over at Quartet Night's direction. Ranmaru cursed them under their breath, but Reiji kept on eating, not bothering to stop the former from using vulgar language like he and Ai usually did. In less than ten minutes, Reiji and Ai were done and they both excused themselves to go back to the spare bedroom to check on Natsuki.

"We'll check on ya once we're done here," Ranmaru said as he cut another portion of meat and Camus ate his slice of chocolate cake, and Reiji and Ai nodded.

"Thanks, Ran-Ran."

Reiji and Ai headed straight to the bedroom, both of them hoping that Natsuki's condition had gotten better. They ran into the nurse, whom they had requested to take care of Natsuki when they were done and had just gone to the restroom, and she told them that the latter's condition was improving, much to their relief. Soon, they were in front of the bedroom and Reiji opened the door, letting himself and Ai in.

However, the bed was empty, much to their shock.

"Nattsun?" Reiji called out, glancing around in sheer worry, stepping towards the bed. "Nattsun-"

The door shut firmly and a click rang inside Reiji's ears, causing his heart to freeze into ice. A chill running down his spine, Reiji spun around and saw a young man who looked exactly like Natsuki dangling a key between his fingers and dipping it into his pocket, his back pressed against the door. His wavy blond hair was dishevelled and his glasses were perched on the bridge of his nose, but his green eyes were devoid of the kindness, warmth and compassion that Natsuki's eyes radiated with every single day. Instead, they were filled with an utter coldness, hatred and hostility that burned through Reiji's heart like the flames of an inferno, and the latter clenched his fists, knowing that the person that he and Ai were facing was not Natsuki.

Reiji clenched his teeth.

"Satsuki Shinomiya."

_"Roughened shadow minds, driven almost to madness_

_Who am I? Leading the dark moon!"_

\- "Orion de Shout Out", by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kishou Taniyama)


	16. Mind of Shadows

Masato Hijirikawa

The table that Starish would always sit at in the dining hall was devoid of its usual liveliness and chatter.

On an ordinary day, the seven of them would be seated together, indulged in a rowdy but refreshing atmosphere while enjoying their meals. Syo would be yelling and struggling to free himself from a smiling Natsuki, who would hug him tightly, or bickering with Cecil or Ren. Otoya would tell humorous stories or jokes every now and then to make them laugh. Tokiya would occasionally sigh at everyone's loudness but silently smile when he thought no one was looking, although Masato noticed. Ren would make comments that pricked Masato to the very core and intentionally spark an argument with Masato or cause Syo to yell at him when calling him by the nickname "Shorty". As much as there would be a handful of yelling and bickering (and annoyance, thanks to Ren), everyone would be smiling and laughing together, and even though Masato would never say it out loud, he appreciated that.

However, today the dining table was not at all like it usually was. Not even close.

Otoya hardly spoke and kept randomly pushing his food around his plate with a dejected expression in his normally-blithe red eyes. Cecil and Tokiya's eyes were lowered as they quietly ate without a word. Syo's head was hung as he forced down his food one spoon at a time. Ren glanced at Masato and Masato wordlessly glanced back, unspoken words between them despite the fact that they argued with each other almost everytime they were in one room with each other. Shaking his head briefly, Masato shifted his eyes over to the empty chair on Syo's left, pain immersing his throbbing heart like cold, cold water.

_Shinomiya._

After having a private conversation with Quartet Night inside the room in which Natsuki laid unconscious after the catastrophe in the living room, Shining Saotome had brought Masato and his band members into his office and spoke to them about the situation. The head of their agency confirmed Natsuki's words about receiving his approval for him to move in with Reiji and added that he himself agreed that it was for the best. Syo, Otoya and Cecil protested, but Shining stunned everyone into silence when he broke the news about Natsuki's condition.

About how Natsuki's heart could potentially break with the amount of strain exerted on it.

As much as there was a high chance that Natsuki's collapse was caused by Satsuki, his own alter ego, Masato was not about to shift all of the blame on Satsuki. Masato sighed quietly, nausea constricting his insides at the aroma of miso soup that wafted inside his nose despite his lack of appetite. Why didn't he try harder to stop the fight from escalating? Why did he, once again, let Natsuki take the full brunt of Syo's violent temper? Why did all of them either stand by or choose not to consider Natsuki's feelings or both? And now it had been hours and Natsuki had yet to wake up, based on the expressions on their senpais' faces when they entered the dining hall.

Camus' icy blue eyes were cold. Colder than usual, and his usual demeanor was already as bone-chilling and intimidating as it was, and Cecil's recollections of his time when he was forced to live in one room with Camus did not make the latter seem even more welcoming. Ranmaru shot them a dirty scowl whenever he passed their table or caught them glancing in Quartet Night's direction. Ai and Reiji, however, hardly looked at them. Instead, their eyes were filled with a deep sorrow that was especially unusual of the former. Looking down, Masato quietly decided to adhere to Shining's words for now and give Natsuki the space he deserved.

_If Satsuki came out, he'd assault us the moment he sees us, whether he has a reason or not._

Masato closed his eyes.

_Not that we don't deserve it._

Ai Mikaze

_A menacing posture, a stance that implies readied assaults. A clenched fist. An unspoken threat amidst the aura that he radiates. Eyes that are identical to Natsuki's, but reflect everything that can never be associated with Natsuki. Hatred. Coldness. Apathy. Hostility._

Ai quietly stared at the blond male standing in front of the locked door, looking straight into his cold green eyes.

_Even though his physical appearance is identical to Natsuki's, everything else evidently says that this is Satsuki, Natsuki's alter ego._

Even though Ai had known Natsuki for more than a year now, he had never actually run into any confrontations with the latter's alter ego before. Neither had Reiji, Camus or Ranmaru. They only knew about Satsuki from what their kouhais had told them and from overhearing conversations amongst the staff in the mansion that they had resided in during the Master Course. From what he had been told, people seemed to initially struggle in differentiating between the two and would be inclined to rely on the presence and absence of Natsuki's glasses to determine who they were facing. That fact itself puzzled Ai. The blond boy before their eyes was wearing glasses, which people would generally take as a confirmation that the person was Natsuki, but with just a mere glance, Reiji and Ai could tell with absolute certainty that the person standing in front of them was Satsuki.

_Perhaps they do not tend to pay attention to the emotions in those identical eyes._

Satsuki snarled as Reiji's muscles contracted.

_Even with their emotional capabilities, human beings, after all, fail to notice comprehend emotions at times, with their imperfections._

"So we finally meet, _senpais_."

Satsuki spat out the last word with a tone filled with sharp mockery, and his eyes glared fiercely at Ai and Reiji.

"I'm surprised that neither one of you mistook me for Natsuki." Satsuki scoffed. "Even with these glasses on. Let me guess. The old man's words?"

"Your eyes told us everything that we needed to know," Ai responded calmly, narrowing his eyes slightly. "Not to mention, Natsuki would never lock anyone in a room with him, let alone without any explanation."

Satsuki let out a cold scoff. "So are you claiming that you, android-" he took a step forward "- know Natsuki w-"

Satsuki stopped as an arm was placed in front of Ai protectively. His eyes widened, Ai turned to Reiji, who was facing Satsuki with an unwavering, serious stare, his grey eyes warning the alter ego to not come any closer. _Reiji?_ Despite Ai's mild surprise, Satsuki soon let out a cold scoff and gave Reiji a mocking sneer.

"Shouldn't you be protecting yourself here instead of the android, you clown? Tick me off and you'll find yourself plummeted to the ground. Aren't those the stories that you've heard from those rubbish juniors of yours?" Reiji did not say a word and Satsuki clicked his tongue. "What? Cat's got your tongue? And here I thought you were the loud, annoying one of that quartet of buffoons of yours."

"Do you really think I'm that cruel of a person to put myself first here?"

Reiji spoke calmly, his voice was filled with firm assertiveness, his eyes serious and narrowed.

"There are two people in this room that I'd gladly let you plummet me to the ground for. They are Ai-Ai and Nattsun and I'm sure that Ai-Ai feels the same way as I do regarding Nattsun." Reiji's even voice was edged with a cold anger that was rather foreign to Ai coming from his band member. "We don't know what your intentions are, but you forced yourself out of Nattsun and because of that you-"

 _"You_ want to protect Natsuki?"

Satsuki laughed coldly, a shadow looming over his green eyes, and Ai's eyes widened.

"I've heard that junk too many times for myself to even count. People promising that they won't ever hurt Natsuki, won't leave him, would always be there for him and protect him. And what did all those words turn out to be? Piles and bunches of total garbage worthy of being dumped into a blast furnace and burned into ashes."

Satsuki glared at Ai and Reiji with utter hostility.

"So for all I care, you two are just like all those other trash-talking scum."

"So has that been your motive this entire time?"

Ai spoke quietly, now 100% certain of the hypothesis that he had come up with while analyzing Satsuki's words. Satsuki snapped his eyes over to Ai.

"What is, android?"

Ai looked straight at Satsuki expressionlessly. "The motive to protect Natsuki. Is that what you have been attempting to do?"

"Not 'attempting'," Satsuki corrected sharply, scoffing, "but what I _have_ been doing."

"So forcing your way out and causing Nattsun to break down and fall apart is your way of protecting him?"

Ai stared at Reiji, who looked Satsuki directly in the eye, the former's grey eyes and voice filled with a cold indignance, not at all predicting this sudden harshness and bluntness in his words. _Reiji...?_ It momentarily reminded Ai of the night Reiji had firmly agreed to corner Ozrock, of how the brunet's darker personality that he had usually hidden had emerged. Reiji's eyes narrowed as Satsuki whipped his head around to glare at him and Ai recalled the link between the past and present scenario regarding why Reiji was acting this way.

It was because of their connection. Natsuki's pain was Reiji's too. And their pain... was Ai's too.

"Why you-" Satsuki growled.

"And that wasn't the first time," Reiji cut in, his tone cold but even. "Back in the studio after Syo yelled at him the first time, Nattsun's chest was tight, like he was having a panic attack, but that was you, wasn't it?" Reiji clenched his fists tightly. "That was you trying to emerge even if it meant forcing Nattsun and you know what happened? Nattsun suffered so much pain. He felt so helpless, like he couldn't even save himself, and he never deserved that. Not the slightest bit, and by forcing to come out, you caused all that."

"You have no idea what you're-"

"And I'm not done," Reiji continued, raising his voice. "When you managed to surface without force, you caused a terrible amount of destruction. You hijacked Hayato's concert, hospitalized countless of people, and you've assaulted people whom Nattsun loves and cares about even more than he does himself. And when he found out about all that and about you, do you have any idea what all of it made him feel?" Reiji gritted his teeth as his voice turned quiet. "Do you even care?"

Satsuki raised his fist. "Shut your f-"

"He called himself a burden!" Reiji shouted, his tone blazing, etched with raw anger and anguish, and Satsuki's fist remained in the air, unmoving. But more than anything, Reiji's grey eyes were flooded with sheer pain. "He thought that he was a burden, a destroyer, someone who hurt others. He had nightmares that haunted him at night, cold thoughts that tortured him in the day, and now Shining-san has told us that Nattsun's heart will break if you keep doing this, if you keep putting that strain on his heart. You said that you're protecting Nattsun, but you're only harming him by hurting others, Satsuki, by forcing yourself to take over instead of letting him be."

Reiji shook his head, his grey eyes tortured with anguish, and his voice was lowered.

"If you really want to protect Nattsun, please... just stop hurting him. None of us want to see him hurt or want his heart to break, do we? So please... just stop."

_Reiji..._

By the time he was done, Reiji's shoulders were trembling violently with emotion, his head hung, his grey fedora tilted down slightly. Uncertain as to what to do, Ai slowly placed a hand on Reiji's right shoulder, hoping that it brought at least a little comfort, and shifted his stare over to Satsuki. Satsuki's green eyes were clouded over, unreadable, and it reminded Ai of how limited his capabilities were regarding human emotions. Questions like what Natsuki's alter ego felt and what Ai could do to console Reiji were deemed incapable for Ai to confidently answer, even with the massive amounts of data that his artificial intelligence stored within him, and he could sense that familiar pain flickering inside him as he tightened his hold on Reiji's shoulder.

_What... am I capable of doing... in these circumstances?_

"You said that I put a strain on his heart, _clown_."

Satsuki's tone was grating and his teeth were gritted tightly as Reiji looked up from the floor and faced him again. The alter ego's eyes were smouldering with utmost resentment, cleared of that moment of unreadability, and he spat out a scoff of derision before speaking again.

"You think that before Natsuki found out about me, he hasn't had any strain on his heart?" Satsuki demanded, his tone escalating into a yell, burning with rage. "You think that he hasn't been suffering and crying, hasn't been tortured, deep within his heart all on his own without asking for any help? You think that even as he smiled before I forced my way, Natsuki hasn't held the burden of a deep strain in his wounded heart day after day after _day_?"

"We are aware that Natsuki has concealed his pain for the sake of others numerous of ti-"

"You sorry-excuses-of-senpais aren't seeing the full freaking picture!" Satsuki roared, cutting Ai off mid-sentence. "I'm not talking about what you already managed to find out on your own. I'm talking about what you don't know and what's way past due time you stuck in your moronic heads! Before all this messed up stuff, before that cameraman worthy of being put to death came along, Natsuki's been trapped in isolation. Isolation from fans, isolation from what he loves doing the most, and even..."

Satsuki's voice quavered with raw emotion.

"Isolation within that group filled with his so-called besties!"

Ai widened his eyes in shock while Reiji lowered his eyes, grimacing at the words. Noting their reactions, Satsuki let out a cold laugh and snarled at them.

"That's right, clown, android. If anyone's been putting a strain on Natsuki's heart more than anything, it's all those six. Ungrateful. Brats!"

Ranmaru Kurosaki

"Your calorie intake is even worse than Kotobuki's."

"When will you go on a diet, sugar addict?"

"Dandelion head."

"Sweet-toothed aristocrat."

Camus and Ranmaru scowled at each other for a few moments before shifting their attention back to their meals. It had been awhile since Reiji and Ai left the table to go and check on Natsuki. Munching down another piece of steak, Ranmaru mentally growled at the two-faced baron seated across from him, wondering when he will ever stop being a royal pain. How on earth did Reiji and Ai tolerate with this buffoon? How on earth did Reiji want to be _friends_ with this guy? Being friends with Camus was probably one of the most insane things Ranmaru had ever heard of. Life was better off without being friends with such an irritating, insincere guy. Ranmaru would always hate Camus and Camus would always hate Ranmaru. Simple as that. No way would they ever get along, let alone be friends. Them? Friends? What a total joke.

But speaking of the term 'friends', Ranmaru had not thought that Ai would actually befriend both Natsuki and Reiji. Never had it crossed his mind that those three would even be that close at all. And if there was anyone other than Camus that Ranmaru would **never** **ever** consider living with, it was Reiji, who would drive Ranmaru nuts if that ever happened. So Ranmaru really meant it when he commended Natsuki for having enough patience to wanna live with Reiji. Considering Natsuki's quieter and gentle nature, Ranmaru hoped that at least some of that would rub off on Reiji when they lived together. For the sake of Quartet Night's sanity, especially Ranmaru's,

they really, really needed that.

"Hey, rock imbecile."

"What, candyman?" Ranmaru shot back, glaring at Camus.

Camus narrowed his eyes. "Such insolence. What I was about to do was ask if you remembered Shining's words."

"Clear as broad daylight," Ranmaru responded, snorting. "What about the old man's words?"

"He mentioned certain things about Shinomiya."

"Yeah," Ranmaru said, but despite his indifferent voice, he still had not forgiven any of the other six kouhais for their rubbish act back in the living room where Natsuki collapsed. Not even by the slightest bit. "Gemini Syndrome and all that stuff, right?"

Camus nodded, his eyes grave as Ranmaru shoved another piece of meat into his mouth. "He mentioned that when Shinomiya awakens, it may not be him whom we face, am I correct?"

"Yeah, so-"

That was when Ranmaru nearly choked on his food, a cold thought striking down his head like lightning. His eyes dilated in horror. Satsuki. Freaking, freaking Satsuki! And they'd just let Reiji and Ai go and check on Natsuki on their own. Those two had no clue about close combat like how children did not know about human anatomy and they were all very lucky that Satsuki did not emerge when Ranmaru and Camus left the spare bedroom to go to Shining's office before lunch. Deciding to not let his two band members be killed by some alter ego who could potentially go on a rampage, Ranmaru abruptly got up from his chair and sprinted down the dining hall towards the exit, with Camus' footsteps right behind him. Even though he did not have it before, his chest now held a horrible, horrible feeling about what they were about to find.

_Reiji, as much of an annoying dimwit you are on a daily basis, you can be pretty smart at times, I'll give ya that._

Ranmaru gritted his teeth, cursing repeatedly under his breath.

_So don't you go and do anything ridiculous on me, got it?_

Reiji Kotobuki

"You think you know how much pain Natsuki's suffered all this time? That's the worst pile of trash you can possibly give me, you know. He has suffered a whole lot more than he let known to you people, to those ungrateful imbeciles and morons!"

Satsuki shrieked, glowering darkly at both Reiji and Ai.

"He has suffered a whole lot more than you all bothered to even notice and for you imbeciles' information, way, _way_ before he even found out about me!"

Reiji could feel his heart wrenching excruciatingly in his chest. He had suspected that Natsuki's suffering amidst his own band had been going on for awhile now, even before the night that Ozrock brought him crashing down. He knew that Natsuki had been discriminated by countless fans from his own band. But what he did not know was that Natsuki was isolated from what he loved doing the most. Was it singing? Dancing? Writing songs? Because Natsuki was still doing all of that with an open heart. And what Reiji wasn't entirely right about was for how long Natsuki had been suffering. He had been right that it had started before that broken night, but he had not expected it to have gone on for a long time like Satsuki was furiously stating to them. As much as Satsuki's brute force had caused Natsuki to be tortured by tremendous pain and Reiji had yet to forgive him for that, he could tell that there was no way that Satsuki was lying. And the fact that he wasn't made his heart crack at the thought of Natsuki breaking down on his own with no one to be there for him.

_How much pain... did he have to smile through alone...?_

"Why do you think I attack those ungrateful brats whenever I have the chance to?" Satsuki demanded, his green eyes glowing with pure rage, his body trembling violently. "Why do you think it ticks me off whenever I run into them and I end up wanting to punch them all on the face, especially that short kid? You think I don't care that they're Natsuki's friends? Well, I do care that they are his so-called besties and they hurt him everyday anyhow!"

"What did they do?" Reiji asked, trying to grasp Satsuki's words, hoping to understand more about Natsuki. Reiji's heart was getting more and more anguished at the thought that he had failed to be there for Natsuki for so long when he had always needed someone to be there for him. "What has Starish done to Nattsun all this time?"

"Well, what do you get from the word 'isolation', huh?" Satsuki huffed.

"An emotion known as 'loneliness'-" Ai started.

"That's right. That's so freaking right. And you know what they did?" Satsuki snapped as Reiji and Ai shook their heads. "They'd leave him out like some ugly duckling in a group of self-righteous swans! They'd hang out without him even though they knew oh-so-well that he was free, sneak out for breakfast together when they knew he was asleep, and back to the short kid asking who he's roommate's going to be. Well, he doesn't even treat Natsuki like one and sneaks out to the other dorms and complains about how much he'd love to trade because the roommate he has isn't the one for him! Can you freaking believe that, huh? Can you believe his sorry-excuse-of-a-childhood-friend? Can you believe these hypocrites claiming that Natsuki's their best friend?"

An image of Natsuki's green eyes glowing faintly with a deep anguish under the pale sunlight watching a young boy crying with his mother after being abandoned by his own friends in the park flickered inside Reiji's head like a broken lamp and he inwardly grimaced with a heart tortured by the cruel epiphany being shouted at him and Ai.

"They freaking ditched him," Satsuki continued, spitting out the words in utter disgust, "and they're upset now that Natsuki's chosen to move out on his own accord? Even when he had yet to tell them how much they've been hurting him? How he had noticed them going out without him? How he'd put on the most convincing bright smile on his face when they went back from their hangout saying that they just came back from idol work and when he was all alone, he'd close his eyes in pain and try but fail to understand why they're lying to his face, with him crying at times? How he'd once noticed that short kid leaving in the middle of the night and followed him out of concern and overheard him ranting to the sunshine boy about Natsuki, calling him a freaking pain and a burden?" Reiji nearly flinched at the word and Satsuki's eyes darkened. "That's right. That day at the photoshoot was not the first time when that short imbecile called Natsuki that word. Or the second. Or the third. And while Natsuki would always forgive him, that short kid has always taken advantage of his kindness and yelled at his face for no apparent reason too, and whether you freaking believe it or not, he's not the only one."

Reiji's heart was thudding and cracking in utter agony.

How could he and Ai not n-

"And how on earth can you senpais be so freaking blind? Or are you deaf too?"

Satsuki's glare intensified as he jabbed a finger at both of them.

"Especially you, android. You senpais were assigned to watch over these kouhais? You guys are supposed to be there for them? Guess what? You failed with a big red F on all your faces. Every. Single. One of you. I don't think you guys even gave a speck of care towards how Natsuki felt. You all just decided to do what Shining got you to do as the so-called 'Pioneering Princes' and didn't bother to notice that Natsuki needed someone. Or maybe you all noticed and just don't care."

"We all care about Nattsun-" Reiji exclaimed, but Satsuki cut him off.

"You expect me to believe that? When you seem to not know the right stuff at the right time when you were all living under one roof for that Master Course for what, a year? And when you-" he pointed straight at Ai, whose eyes were wide in shock "- lived in one room with both Natsuki and that short kid? You don't fail to give them ridiculous schedules and monitor their discipline, but you fail to notice if something is up? Maybe an android like you who has no form of human empathy or emotions should never have become a senpai in the freaking first place! Maybe you should-"

"Stop it, Satsuki," Reiji cut in sharply, anger searing his heart as Ai looked down. "Don't you ever insult Ai-Ai like that!"

"Or what?" Satsuki countered mockingly. "His heart will be hurt? Oh wait, he doesn't even have a heart, now does he?"

Reiji gritted his teeth as he placed a hand on a quiet, pained Ai's shoulder. "Stop mocking Ai-Ai."

"You care for some scrap metal-"

"He's not that!" Reiji shouted, his tone escalating. "And yes, I care about him and so does Nattsun! So if you hurt Ai-Ai, you hurt me. And if you hurt us, what do you think will Nattsun feel?"

Satsuki scowled. "You don't know a thing about how Natsuki would feel-"

"Stop assuming the worst about us when it comes to Nattsun!"

"You're telling me what to do?" Satsuki grabbed Reiji by the collar of his T-shirt, but Reiji maintained a serious gaze despite the unsteady beating of his heart and the coldness of the alter ego's eyes.

"Reiji!" Ai's voice was worried.

"Know your place or I'm gonna shove this fist-" Satsuki raised a balled fist "- into that big mouth of yours, understand?"

Reiji gritted his teeth. "Do you think that you're protecting Nattsun by hurting those he loves and cares about? By-"

"Don't talk like you know him!" Satsuki roared.

"I-"

"Why I'm gonna-"

"Reiji! Ai!"

The locked door suddenly burst open and Satsuki dropped Reiji onto the ground before successfully leaping backwards and dodging a punch from Ranmaru, who swore angrily. Pulling himself up, Reiji's eyes widened at the sight of Camus pointing his sceptre at Satsuki and Ranmaru clenching his fists like he was ready for a fight in front of Reiji and Ai. An alarming fact flashed inside Reiji's head and in an instant, Reiji yelled out to his band members.

"Ran-Ran! Myu-chan! Don't attack him! That's Satsuki, but it's still Nattsun's body!"

"Kinda hard not to, Reiji!" Ranmaru shot back, an infuriated scowl blazing in his heterochromatic eyes. "Not when this scum's the one staring us in the face."

"Tch." Satsuki clicked his tongue, smirking at Ranmaru and Camus. "So you want a fight? Come at me if you wanna try, imbeciles."

"What was that?" Ranmaru demanded, his tone furious.

"Calm down, Ranmaru-"

"Oh, or how about this? Argh!"

Camus narrowly blocked the blow from Satsuki's fist with his sceptre and before Reiji or Ai could speak, Ranmaru let out a furious shriek and lunged at Satsuki. Satsuki jumped out of the way of Ranmaru's attack before charging at him with a fist raised. Ranmaru cursed as he narrowly whipped his head away from the punch directed at his face and swung his head multiples of times as Satsuki sent a barrage of attacks flying at him over and over again. Gritting his teeth, Reiji ran towards Satsuki and tried to push him away from Ranmaru, but the alter ego noticed and fixated his rage on Reiji instead, attempting to slam a foot against his crotch. His eyes dilating, Reiji leaped out of the way and landed with a crouch, his heart palpitating uncontrollably in his chest.

"Enough with this madness, you insolent fool!" Camus boomed, his icy eyes filled with fury.

"Stop it, Satsuki," Ai asserted, his eyes grave.

Satsuki scoffed and without a warning, thrusted his body towards Ai, whose eyes widened. "Ai-Ai!" Reiji cried out and yanked Ai towards him, both of them barely avoiding Satsuki's fist. A shriek was heard and Satsuki snapped his head around to face Ranmaru, whose fist was held up, ready to attempt another blow on the alter ego's face, and Reiji yelled out to him.

"If you hurt him, you're hurting Nattsun too, Ran-Ran!"

But Ranmaru did not seem to hear anything amidst his rage as he swung his fist at Satsuki, who dodged it effortlessly.

"Ran-Ran!" Reiji shouted.

Despite Reiji's pleading, however, Ranmaru did not stop hurling his fists at Satsuki, letting out loud curses and shrieks as he assaulted his kouhai's alter ego. Shaking his head, Reiji dashed towards the two fighting males as Satsuki leapt out of the way of Ranmaru's punch and started another barrage of merciless punches and kicks towards the heterochromatic male. Reiji tried to push Satsuki away, but the latter swiftly dodged him and continued assaulting Ranmaru. Cursing, Ranmaru managed to evade Satsuki's attacks, but his arm was suddenly seized by the latter, who grasped it tightly, and Reiji's eyes dilated in horror. Ranmaru's eyes could only widen in shock as Satsuki snarled and raised his fist.

"No!"

In a flash, Reiji had jumped between the two males and a cold fist was slammed against his right cheek. Reiji let out an excruciating yell as he crashed against the cold white floor, his cheek throbbing painfully, his teeth clenched in sheer agony.

"Reiji!"

"Kotobuki!"

Crimson blood leaked out of the right side of Reiji's lips as he clutched his cheek and felt a hand grab ahold of his shoulder. He turned and saw Ai facing him with deep pain and worry in his cyan eyes and Ranmaru and Camus looking down at him with shock and horror in their eyes. Ranmaru's heterochromatic eyes flashed with pain for a moment, but after Ai pulled Reiji up, his expression quickly contorted into an enraged scowl and he spun around to face Satsuki, who scoffed coldly.

"Why you..." Ranmaru growled.

 _"That's_ how you protect others?"

Gritting his teeth, Reiji was quick to respond with a cold voice. "So this is how you protect Nattsun?"

Satsuki growled and was about to speak when his eyes suddenly dilated, like someone had taken him by surprise, but no one was there besides the members of Quartet Night. Stumbling back a few times as Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus stared in shock and confusion, Satsuki placed a hand on the left side of his chest and clutched it tightly, his eyes filled with disbelief and bewilderment at the same time.

"You're sleeping... inside... and yet you..."

Trying to comprehend this as he felt his bruised cheek throb, Reiji recalled how Natsuki's condition had been when Satsuki tried to force his way out, how much pain and anguish his close friend had suffered as he struggled to breathe and calm his own heart down. But from observing Satsuki, Reiji could tell that Natsuki was not doing what his own alter ego had done to him. Reiji knew not just because Natsuki would never resort to such a thing if he knew how much it hurt others, but also because there was no sign of pain in Satsuki's eyes. Shock and bewilderment, yes. But not a single ounce of the pain or suffering that Natsuki had been subjected to could be seen in Satsuki's green eyes. Satsuki clutched his chest even tighter, as though trying to suppress what he could feel within it, his voice weakening as his eyes turned more and more unfocused with each passing second.

"Your emotions, your heart are... you..."

Leaning back against the wall, Satsuki slowly slid down to the floor, his green eyes staring down at the hand clutching his chest as Reiji slowly stepped towards him.

"... you... you really wanna be there for them... huh... Natsuki...?"

Reiji's eyes widened as Satsuki uttered those words softly, the latter's cold green eyes softening a little. However, the moment the last word slipped out, Satsuki's eyes fell to a complete close and his body went limp against the wall, not a single movement by his muscles. Reiji crouched down in front of Satsuki and placed a hand on his chest, mentally noting his steady pulse, and proceeded to place his hand on his forehead. His lips pursed themselves into a grim line when his fingers made contact with heat radiating on the forehead that he had touched. There were a number of things that Reiji had yet to understand regarding what he had just experienced and been told by Satsuki, but one thing that he had gotten out of this was a deeper agony. And he was not talking about his throbbing right cheek, but his heart that was pulsating loudly and excruciatingly in his chest. He'd received agony and a clearer, more torturous understanding of Natsuki's pain. Lowering his eyes, Reiji placed a hand on the shoulder of Natsuki's limp body, squeezing it tightly, his grey fedora tilted down.

He'd suffered alone for so long... and they'd noticed much too late.

_"... you... you really wanna be there for them... huh... Natsuki...?"_

From what Satsuki had said, Reiji believed that Natsuki's emotions had prevented his own alter ego from causing anymore damage, even as he slept within himself, and yet...

they didn't save him... even when he had been tortured under one roof with them.

"Nattsun still has a fever," Reiji spoke quietly, turning to look at Ai, Ranmaru and Camus over his shoulder. "Let's bring him back to the bed and let him rest, alright?"

Wordlessly, Ranmaru approached him and helped him bring Natsuki back to the bed while Camus pulled the quilt down and Ai prepared two ice packs - one for Natsuki and one for Reiji. In less than a few nearly-silent moments, Natsuki was laying on the bed motionlessly again, an ice pack placed over his forehead, with no sign as to when he would wake up as himself and not his alter ago again.

"Reiji."

Seated at Natsuki's bed with an ice pack pressed against his bruised cheek, Reiji looked up at Ranmaru, whose eyes were tight with pain.

"Sorry," Ranmaru said quietly, avoiding Reiji's eyes. "For making you take that blow."

Reiji shook his head slightly. "It's fine, Ran-Ran. But next time, please bear in mind that even though it was Satsuki, he's still in Nattsun's body. And none of us wants Nattsun to be hurt, Ran-Ran. I know you don't either."

Ranmaru nodded, scratching the back of his head. "Yeah. Point taken."

The room fell into a deep, palpable silence again, with Ai standing next to Reiji and Ranmaru and Camus standing at the opposite side of the bed, all of them looking down at Natsuki. After a few moments, Ranmaru broke the silence again.

"So what got that guy all mad?"

Ranmaru's heterochromatic eyes were narrowed.

"I could hear him yelling even before I reached this room. Was it just him being ticked off like he usually is with our kouhais? Or is it something else?"

"He had his reasons for his anger and resentment," Ai replied quietly, his blue eyes downcast, "and I have to say that they were quite understandable ones."

Camus frowned deeply. "Can you elaborate, Mikaze, Kotobuki?"

Ai and Reiji glanced at each other before slowly beginning to explain what had happened starting from when they went from the dining hall to go and check on Natsuki. As they told their band members about what Satsuki had said about Natsuki's suffering, Reiji could feel more and more agony stabbing through his heart like daggers and see anger overshadowing Ranmaru and Camus' faces more and more and sorrow sweeping through Ai's. During the Master Course, all of them had been living under one roof with Natsuki and the rest of Starish. While Reiji had lived in one room with Otoya and Tokiya, Ai had stayed with Natsuki and Syo while Ranmaru and Camus had their own kouhais. However, as much as Satsuki's words had been too cruel towards Ai, the alter ego had been right about the fact that they'd failed to help Natsuki. Failed to notice how much he'd suffered because of his own band members. Failed to be there for him when he was on the verge of tears. And Natsuki wasn't just their kouhai, but their friend. Their dear, precious friend who had always, always been there for all of them.

"Shinomiya concealed his grief quite impeccably," Camus noted, but he wasn't smiling. "But we should have known that there was no possibility of him tirelessly being happy throughout each and every day."

"Tch." Ranmaru cursed softly. "I don't know about you guys, but the thought that this has been going on under our noses makes me sick."

"And guys, the more I think about it, the more convinced I am that it wasn't just Ozrock who made Nattsun break into pieces that night."

Reiji spoke quietly, shaking his head.

"I think that he had been breaking more and more each day and Ozrock was the trigger... that made him come crashing down after suffering on his own for so long in his own group, and we didn't even notice."

No one said a word afterwards. They stayed like that, immersed in a cold, sorrowful silence filled with unspoken remorse and agony, and Reiji took Natsuki's hand into his just like before and squeezed it tightly, quietly apologizing to him over and over again, deeply praying that he would be alright, unable to forgive himself just yet. Soon another hand was placed on top of the hand that Reiji held and he looked up at Ai, whose eyes were lowered. And they remained like that, holding onto Natsuki's cold, limp hand, until Shining Saotome came asking why he heard yelling and shouting from his office. And to make things worse, Masato, Ren, Syo, Tokiya, Otoya and Cecil, all the six people that the quartet did _not_ want to see, were standing behind him, wanting to know what was going on.

As much as it took all of Reiji and Ai's effort to restrain Ranmaru from shoving a fist against Syo's face, it took a lot more effort for Reiji to hold back all of his own agony and guilt.

Ai Mikaze

_Obliviousness and knowledge._

_Observance and ignorance._

Ai lowered his eyes, leaning against the wall.

_What is the use of being observant... when I failed to realize what mattered the most?_

"Natsuki, get out of there already!"

Syo banged against the bathroom door, yelling at his blond roommate.

"For crying out loud, don't make me barge in there and drag you out!"

It was back in the Master Course, 2 months after Ai had first been introduced to Natsuki and Syo. Ai was sitting on his bed, typing on his laptop about his research regarding the latest technology, occasionally glancing up from his work at Syo, who was relentlessly yelling at Natsuki. Natsuki had been in the bathroom for about 12 minutes with no sound coming from inside. As Syo slammed his fist against the locked door again, with Ai starting to get slightly annoyed by the noise, the sound of flushing filled the room and a quiet voice spoke, "In a minute, Syo-chan." In about 30 seconds, the door opened and Natsuki stepped out of the bathroom, his eyes filled with mild confusion.

"What took you so freaking long?" Syo yelled, scowling up at the taller blond. "I need to shower, you know!"

"Sorry, Syo-chan," Natsuki said quietly, shaking his head.

"Sorry? That's all you've gotta say?"

"I could hardly hear you, Syo-chan."

"Excuse me? I was shouting at the top of my-"

"That's enough," Ai cut in calmly, narrowing his eyes. Syo cursed under his breath. "Language, Syo. While 12 minutes was admittedly a rather long period of time to spend in the bathroom, your yelling was uncalled for, Syo."

"But he-"

"And Natsuki," Ai shifted his gaze to Natsuki, whose green eyes were lowered, "next time, please spend a shorter amount of time in the bathroom and be more alert in case others call you."

"Okay, Ai-chan," Natsuki responded softly, nodding.

"Tch." Syo gritted his teeth and stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him. Ai looked back down at his laptop while his ears detected quiet footsteps. When he looked up, Natsuki was stepping out of their shared dormitory, about to shut the door behind him.

"Where are you going, Natsuki?" Ai inquired, needing to keep track of his kouhais' whereabouts.

Natsuki turned and smiled slightly. "I am going to sit by the lake for awhile."

Ai nodded briefly. "Don't be outside too late."

"Yep."

Ai never really thought about what had happened afterwards. To him, it had been another ordinary, unsurprising moment of Syo being the hot-tempered boy that he was and yelling at Natsuki, who would usually be unaffected by his companion's shouting no matter how many times it occurred. However, standing by the window of the room in which Natsuki remained unconscious, leaning slightly against the blue curtain, Ai remembered how pain had glimmered inside Natsuki's eyes at that time even as he smiled. Ai had thought that it did not really matter. Maybe Natsuki was upset for once, and the latter really needed to learn to be more upfront about his feelings of disapproval. However, thinking back to that day after his and the rest of Quartet Night's ordeal with Satsuki, Ai contemplated if Natsuki had taken a long time in the bathroom because he had been silently crying, because he needed to wipe his tears away and conceal his pain before facing him and Syo.

_"And how on earth can you senpais be so freaking blind? Or are you deaf too?"_

Ranmaru had shouted at all of their kouhais the moment he focused his scowl on them. He had demanded just what kind of friends they were, shouted that if anyone was to be blamed for Natsuki's current state, it was all of them. Syo had yelled back, saying that it was Ozrock and Satsuki's fault, that Ranmaru and the senpais knew absolutely nothing, and the argument burned more and more like wildfire until Reiji cut everyone off sharply, saying that all of them should be giving Natsuki the peace and silence that he deserved. Shining had agreed and left it up to Quartet Night, much to Syo and a few others' disbelief, to take care of Natsuki, and everyone in Quartet Night had willingly accepted Shining's proposal without a moment of hesitation. However, Ai had hardly been able to say much, immersed inside a head filled with thoughts and words, that was overshadowed and pierced by flashes of a broken Natsuki and the cold words of a furious Satsuki, precisely like he was at this very moment.

_"R-Rei... chan... senpai... Ai... chan- it... it won't... stop-"_

Ai had failed to save Natsuki from his anguish.

_"You guys are supposed to be there for them? Guess what? You failed with a big red F on all your faces. Every. Single. One of you."_

Neither could he afford to argue with Satsuki's statements, no matter how cruel they'd sounded.

_"You don't fail to give them ridiculous schedules and monitor their discipline, but you fail to notice if something is up?"_

The pale crescent moon behind the glass window was slightly obscured by thick white clouds that nearly resembled swirls of vapour that were bound to be ephemeral, its imagery bringing a more acute sense of coldness into the night. The four of them had agreed to take turns in watching over Natsuki, with Reiji and Ai volunteering to take majority of the shifts, and it was the latter's turn, although he did not have any intent on letting others take over even when his shift ended. Ai let out a quiet sigh as he lowered his eyes to an unconscious Natsuki, who breathed softly in the silent room. Despite his unrestrained temperament and unnecessary violence, Satsuki did make a number of valid points. As their assigned mentor, Ai had been roommates with Natsuki and Syo throughout the entirety of Starish's Master Course and stayed with them for a little over a year. Ai remembered how he, Ranmaru and Camus would not have taken the job if not for Shining ordering them to and how he had explicitly stated at the beginning that he was interested in using the kouhais as test subjects. Ai remembered how much he could care less about the kouhais' well-beings and emotions and focused strictly on training them to be idols. Even though he had developed some kind of bond with Starish, he still had no interest in befriending any of them and merely focused on the task assigned to him, without a shred of regret towards anything that he did or did not do. What he was responsible for was their efficiency, not their emotions.

However, looking out the window into the cold night, Ai could sense a deep pain immersing the inside of his chest, mixed with what he had categorized as "guilt". Was this regret? Remorse? An unspoken wish of how he wanted to take back what he did and did not do back then?

An image of Natsuki smiling faintly at him with deep agony glimmering in his eyes before leaving to head to the lake area flashed inside his chest and the pain only became more acute.

_I was created to be of use, and yet..._

Ai lowered his eyes, clutching his chest a little.

_... this pain... is making me feel... so useless._

_"Maybe an android like you who has no form of human empathy or emotions should never have become a senpai in the freaking first place!"_

_So this is what it is like... to fail someone important to you._

The door creaked open and Ai turned, only to find Reiji entering the room, no longer wearing his grey fedora, holding two mugs of what Ai recognized as jasmine tea from the scent entering the room.

"Reiji?" Ai said, slightly puzzled. "I thought you would be sleeping by now."

Reiji let out a weak chuckle. "I can't sleep. Not when all this is keeping me awake." He looked at Ai. "I know it's your turn to watch over Nattsun, but mind if I keep you company? I... also wanna look out for him."

Ai nodded briefly. "I don't see a problem."

Cracking a smile, Reiji carefully shut the door and sauntered towards Ai, who stepped away from the curtain. He pulled two wooden chairs towards the bed and gestured for Ai to sit with him, which the latter did quietly. So they sat on the right side of Natsuki's bed, white moonlight spilling into the room from the cold night outside, with warm mugs of tea in their hands. Ai silently inhaled the warm aroma of the tea, but it did not seem to relax him like the tea that Natsuki, Reiji or Camus fixed normally did. Even amidst the silence, his head was hardly at peace, disoriented by a kaleidoscope of memories and flashbacks. Ai looked down at the liquid, observing its near-stillness as thin vapour wafted into the dimly-lit room, disappearing within mere seconds.

"You've been pretty quiet, Ai-Ai."

Ai slowly turned to Reiji, whose grey eyes were concerned.

"Is there something on your mind? You can talk to me if you want. I'll listen."

Ai looked down, the pain from before filling his chest again like cold waves. He took in a cold breath, held it for a few seconds, before letting it out even more inaudibly than he'd taken it in. He thought about how he was going to start this conversation carefully before speaking about what had been on his mind to Reiji.

"I failed Natsuki."

Reiji's eyes turned sorrowful as Ai lowered his eyes. "Ai-Ai..."

"Although we can agree on the fact that Satsuki's method of conveying his thoughts was too harsh and unwarranted, I cannot deny the truth in his words," Ai proceeded, his voice a little above a whisper. "During majority of my time in the Master Course, I had neither the right capabilities nor the willingness to understand other people's emotions. I could read people's expressions and had the level of observance to see through them, but I was indifferent towards things like relationships and friendships. All that mattered much to me was the task assigned to me, as well as qualities like efficiency, effectiveness and skills, not emotions, friends or bonds. I rendered the latter things meaningless."

Ai slowly wrapped his hand around the left side of his chest, faintly recalling the warmth that Natsuki had taught him about, the warmth that indicated that someone or something had "moved" you.

"Natsuki had always struck me as odd. He was a rare kind, someone who deviated from my data. His bright smiles appeared to be permanent, he always placed others before himself and was extremely oblivious and sometimes seemed like he had the mindset of a child. He had habits that I normally would never expect from a young man at his age, like hugging anything he classifies as 'cute' and talking to plushies before he went to bed. Most of all, however..."

Ai smiled weakly.

"He was always radiating with emotion. And even with my status as an artificial life, to me, he had always been warm.... and kind. He gave me so much, taught me so much, like what it meant to be moved, the meaning of words like 'warmth', 'companionship' and 'friends', and yet I..."

His hand clutched his chest that was devoid of a heart even tighter.

"I failed. Not only as his assigned mentor, but as someone whom he'd developed a bond with, even when I had not regarded him as a friend. I was indifferent, Reiji. I was deficient in a number of things, like empathy, kindness and compassion, and it never occurred to me to try and fix that, because not a single one of those things really mattered to me. Not until the time I spent with you and Natsuki started to change me. I am aware that you, Camus and Ranmaru also feel responsible, but majority of the blame is mine to bear, because Natsuki was my responsibility. And all of what I just said is more than enough to prove that Satsuki was right about me. I did not care enough and that is why... perhaps I did not deserve to be Natsuki's mentor or anyone's mentor."

Ai hung his head lower, his voice nearly inaudible.

"Because I am an artificial life who did not try to care enough until it was too late... and may never care enough."

According to Ai's data, speaking out what was on your mind gave you a sense of relief. Even if it was cold, even if the pain remained, it was still relief, like you had been freed of a burden or heavy load. However, even when he was done, Ai could still sense the same cold pain that he had classified as 'regret' engulfing his chest, drowning his head, and he closed his eyes, uncertain as to what he wanted to hear from Reiji. He was uncertain if he wanted to hear anything at all. The truth was clear in his head and he did not need any sugarcoated assurance; he had always hated that. However, instead of hearing the normally-loud brunet speak, Ai felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around him. Ai widened his eyes in mild confusion and stared at Reiji's layered brown hair, now puzzled.

"Reiji?" Ai inquired.

Reiji did not speak for a moment. He merely tightened his arms around Ai, hugging him, and the latter could feel warmth radiating from the older Quartet Night member's body. After a few moments of silence, Reiji gently pulled away and placed a hand on Ai's shoulder while looking straight into his eyes with a gentle expression.

"It's alright, Ai-Ai."

Ai stared at Reiji in disbelief. "Reiji-"

"You made a mistake, but you're not the only one," Reiji continued, his voice quiet, his grey eyes filled with understanding. "I may look like I'm alright, but I'm not, Ai-Ai. Ever since hearing the truth from Satsuki, I felt like I let Nattsun down. It broke my heart thinking of all the time we spent in that Master Course not noticing a single thing when we should have, thinking of how many times Nattsun suffered and cried alone without anyone by his side. It makes me feel like a failure too, you know. He's not my assigned kouhai, but he's my friend. One of the closest friends I ever had. And what makes it worse is that while I failed to be there for him, he was always there for me. He once told me to cry when I felt like crying, Ai-Ai, and yet while we stayed under one roof with him, he's been crying alone... and none of us noticed it even once."

Reiji tightened his hold on Ai's shoulder and the latter noticed that the brunet's hand was quivering slightly.

"But... now we know, right?"

Ai's eyes widened slightly as Reiji offered a light smile despite the pain glimmering in his grey eyes.

"Now we know what happened. So even if we can't fix the past, even if we can't go back and make things right no matter how much we wished we could, we have now. And the three of us want to be there for one another, right?" Reiji rubbed Ai gently on the shoulder. "So don't blame yourself, Ai-Ai. Yes, you are an android, but that doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be with us, that you are to be blamed. You do care more than enough, because if you did not, you wouldn't have felt anything towards what had happened or told me what you just did. If Nattsun was awake right now, I can bet that he would be telling you the same things. We're best friends, Ai-Ai. You, me and Nattsun. And the fact that you aren't human does not and will never change that. I promise you that. We failed, but we didn't fail him completely. And now that we know exactly where we failed..."

Reiji's eyes softened.

"Now we know better. So now we can be there for him even more than before, right? We may not be able to fix the past, but we can do what we can to heal his heart, to be there for him. It's not too late for that and we won't ever let it be too late, because... "

He gave Ai a sincere smile.

"We will be there for him no matter what, right, Ai-Ai?"

Ai could sense a familiar warmth seep through his insides, shrouding the pain and regret within him. It was strangely consoling, although Ai was uncertain as to whether he deserved it or not. But Ai decided to let it be as he nodded slightly, a small smile curving on his lips. They were too late to notice the truth, but they were not too late to be there for their friend whom they cared about. They made their mistakes, but they now knew where they made their errors. Ai and Reiji turned to face Natsuki, whose face was veiled by a mist of serenity and innocence, whose face had concealed unimaginable grief behind warm, bright smiles more times than Ai could hope to keep track of.

_When you wake up, even though you are the one who had always been there for us..._

They placed their hands on Natsuki's cold one, giving him warmth,

_like Reiji said back on the day of that photoshoot... let us be here for you this time, Natsuki..._

Ai smiled sorrowfully.

_Even with how limited this artificial life may and has proven to be._

...

At 12:34 a.m., Ai's battery was critically low, so he had no option but to sleep and let Reiji take care of Natsuki until Ai recharged. However, Ai had set an alarm and was pulled from his sleep at 3:15 a.m., and discovered that his battery had gone back up to 67%. It was not exactly an adequate level, but it would have to suffice. Pulling himself off the red sofa on which Reiji had let him rest, Ai was surprised to find the brunet still awake, staring down at Natsuki's unconscious figure. Reiji turned and smiled tiredly when he saw that Ai was no longer asleep, but the latter spoke first.

"Did you sleep at all, Reiji?"

"Only for about an hour," Reiji answered, letting out a quiet laugh. "But I wanted to look after Nattsun, so I stayed up. Not that I would sleep well anyway."

"My battery is more than halfway charged," Ai said, walking towards Reiji, "so you can rest first, Reiji. I'll look after Natsuki for the remainder of the night. It is only fair that you get an adequate amount of rest after staying up for a large period of time."

Reiji grinned slightly. "Ai-Ai is worried."

Ai narrowed his eyes. "I'm serious, Reiji."

"I know, but still, it's-"

Reiji's eyes widened and Ai turned to where his friend was facing and surprise filled his insides. Natsuki was laying on the bed and his eyes were still closed, but his body was shifting slightly, no longer motionless like it had been for the past hours ever since Satsuki fell unconscious. However, that was not what surprised Ai the most. As his body shifted quietly, a lone tear slipped down his right cheek and his expression was no longer shrouded with serenity.

It was filled with deep anguish.

_"But_ _where there is light_

_I know there will certainly be a_ _shadow_ _"_

\- "Itoshiki Hito e", by Reiji Kotobuki (Showtaro Morikubo)


	17. Promise

Natsuki Shinomiya

His heart hurt.

A deep agony was throbbing soundlessly in Natsuki's beating heart like the melody of a lyricless song of a broken soul. It was nearly like it was begging to be felt, to be healed, to be understood, all of the wishes that he had no clue as to how to start to try to fulfil.

 _Where is this pain... coming from...?_ he whispered softly in his own head.

He slowly opened his eyes, meeting an endless expanse of darkness, and flinched slightly at the pain that only seemed to worsen as he tried to understand it with a heavy, aching head. Placing a hand over the left side of his chest, he began to find the pain rather familiar and a deep sorrow wrenched his heart at the quiet realization as to why it was so. He had felt it countless times before. It was the pain that said that he'd done something to hurt someone, even though he did not remember ever trying to hurt anyone. A part of him told him that it wasn't about what had happened before he ended up collapsing, but he was sure that nevertheless, someone had gotten hurt, and a deep sorrow swept through him at the thought that it was someone he deeply loved and cherished.

_It hurts... It hurts so much... Did... Did it happen again...? Did he... come out...?_

Natsuki lowered his eyes.

_Who... Who... got hurt...?_

Suddenly, an excruciating agony struck his head like a sharpened sword, causing him to flinch as he clutched it tightly. _Nattsun! Natsuki!_ His eyes widened as Reiji and Ai's worried and anguished voices echoed inside his head and an image of them grasping onto his hand tightly, silently pleading for him to hang in there and telling him that they were with him, flickered inside his head like yellow flames and a terrible ache blossomed inside his heart like a forbidden flower. Did the dark side of him... hurt them...? And he wasn't even there... to protect them...? Shaking his head, he reached out into the hollow space, the cruel feeling that he was the one who had hurt them filling his heart like a cold ocean, wanting to protect them, wanting to be there for them.

 _Are you guys in pain..._ warm tears welled up behind Natsuki's eyes, _because of me...?_

"Rei-chan-senpai! Ai-chan!"

As Natsuki cried out into the endless darkness, ripples began to form underneath his feet, resembling a cold nightmare from before, their soft, eerily-calm sounds reverberating through the blackness. His heartbeat grew faster and louder as more and more ripples formed and before he knew it, it flashed before him. The image of the waves from that ordeal that he had suffered through before collapsing. The image of waves that had flashed before his eyes and disappeared without giving him even a shred of understanding as to why it was being shown to him.

But this time, it flashed again and again and soon, Natsuki found himself staring at an ocean. It was nightfall, with tiny, silver stars adorning the Prussian blue sky above. Cold but glistening waves swept across the shore and softly retreated back to the sea that shimmered under the white glow of the moon, but Natsuki did not remember seeing it before in his life. Not the stars, or the waves, or the moon and sea. Yet all of it brought a profound sadness drowning his heart like cold waves, and he couldn't help the tears threatening to fall from his eyes like rain from tortured clouds.

_I can't understand this... I can't understand or stop this pain... and I just wish... that I could..._

A tear rolled down his right cheek and he clutched his chest tightly, his hand quivering slightly.

_I just want the strength... to end their pain..._

"...attsun. Nattsun? Nattsun?"

A voice called out to him, pulling him out of his thoughts like a hand tugging his arm along with it, and the nightscape blurred into white and yellow lights as his own heartbeat echoed throughout his mind. He was suddenly conscious of a hand holding onto his shoulder gently and a deep pain pierced through his heart, causing him to open his eyes in another landscape that was obscured by haze, blurs and tears.

"Natsuki, can you hear us? Natsuki?"

Slowly, his vision cleared as the haze and blurs faded away and he soon found himself facing Reiji and Ai, who were already staring down at him. Not wearing his fedora like he normally did, Reiji was giving him a worried look, his grey eyes glimmering with worry and anguish in the dimly-lit room as his hand tightened slightly on Natsuki's shoulder. Beside Reiji, Ai was facing Natsuki with the exact same expression on Reiji's face in his normally-calm teal eyes, and Natsuki had never seen him as worried as he was now. His eyes were wide open as he stared into his friends' eyes and warm tears slipped down his cheeks at the pain in his friends' expressions, his heart trembling.

"Rei-chan-senpai..." Natsuki whispered, his voice wavering, "Ai-chan...?"

"Are you alright, Nattsun?" Reiji asked immediately, his hand tightening around Natsuki's shoulder as he looked into his eyes with deep concern. "You're crying... and you were already crying... before you opened your eyes and we called out to you."

"And your face held an expression of pain," Ai added, his eyes glistening with worry, placing a hand on the same shoulder that Reiji held, "precisely as it does now." He faced Natsuki. "If you are experiencing any kind of pain, you can tell us. We will help you."

Reiji nodded, smiling at Natsuki. "Yep."

Natsuki gave them a shaky nod as he took in a deep breath and let it out, his body quivering slightly.

"My heart... hurts," Natsuki spoke softly, reaching for the left side of his chest in which his heart was flooded with a deep anguish, "and it's been hurting ever since I got up inside my own head. And it's telling me that I..." his voice faltered, "that I... I hurt someone... even though I don't know what happened. And then I saw you guys in my head and I-"

Natsuki's eyes dilated when he noticed the blue bruise on Reiji's cheek and his heart quivered violently as the pain amplified like a tortured cry.

"R-Rei-chan-senpai... you have a bruise..."

Reiji's eyes widened and Natsuki choked on a sob, gritting his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut.

"What did I... What did I do-"

A pair of warm arms cut him off mid-sentence. His eyes widened as Reiji hugged him tightly, the latter leaning down from where he was standing, his face buried into Natsuki's shoulder. In less than a moment, Ai joined the hug as well, placing an arm around Reiji while his hand took ahold of Natsuki's shoulder lightly, and the latter's heart welled up with a deep, irreplaceable warmth as tears slipped down his face, choking on his sobs.

"You didn't cause that bruise, Nattsun," Reiji spoke first, his voice nearly quiet as he tightened his arms around Natsuki. "Neither did you hurt me nor Ai-Ai. None of it is your fault, Nattsun."

"But it was him, right?" Natsuki whispered, tears falling down his face as he buried his face into Reiji's shoulder, unable to stop quivering. "It was my alter ego... right? And I wasn't there... to stop him and I wanted to protect you guys and I... I'm so sorry-"

"The blame is not yours to bear, Natsuki," Ai interrupted gently, rubbing Natsuki on the shoulder in a slow circular motion. "You were sleeping within yourself when Satsuki took over your body by force. There was nothing that you could have done and that is not your fault, Natsuki. It truly is not."

"But he's my alter-"

"And you did save us," Reiji added, patting Natsuki on the back once. "Satsuki said a few things before he fell unconscious and from what I could tell, it was your emotions and your heart that stopped him from hurting us, that pulled him back, even as you slept."

Natsuki sniffled, surprised by what he was hearing. "I... saved... you guys...?"

"Yep. You saved us, Nattsun, and even if you didn't, you didn't do anything wrong, Nattsun. You really didn't. The fact that he is your alter ego does not mean that the damage he caused is your fault."

Reiji and Ai gently pulled away, but their eyes looked straight into Natsuki's with faint smiles on their lips.

"So don't worry, alright?"

Reiji gave Natsuki's shoulder a reassuring squeeze and the latter stared at them for a moment before nodding slightly.

"I'll try not to, Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan." Natsuki smiled faintly as a few more tears rolled down his cheeks. "Thank you, for being here with me."

Reiji's eyes crinkled at him gently as Ai nodded with a small smile. "Always, Nattsun."

Natsuki smiled lightly and Ai and Reiji proceeded to help him get up into a sitting position. Reiji poured him a glass of water while Ai placed a hand over his forehead and stated that Natsuki's current temperature was 38.3 degree Celsius and that it was lower than the last time Ai took his temperature.

"What happened... after I blacked out?" Natsuki asked quietly, his voice still weak.

"You had an alarmingly high fever," Ai replied as Reiji gave Natsuki the glass of water and sat next to him on the bed, "and your heartbeat was beating at a low rate. Reiji, Ranmaru, Camus and I brought you to this room and prepared the medical equipment you needed to ensure that you breathed properly."

"Speaking of Ran-Ran and Myu-chan," Reiji joined in, wrapping an arm around Natsuki with a bright smile as the latter slowly sipped the water, "even they were really worried. You should have seen how Ran-Ran burst into the room right after you collapsed. He didn't hold back like the tsundere he normally is."

"Reiji, you are lucky that Ranmaru is not around to hear what you just said."

"Ehh? I was just being honest!"

"I doubt that Ranmaru attempting to punch you is his method of appreciating your honesty."

"Don't scare me like that, Ai-Ai!"

Natsuki chuckled softly and he found Reiji and Ai's eyes smiling as they watched him. He smiled at them, warmth flowing into his heart at the sight of his friends smiling. If they smiled, he would smile too.

"Thank you, guys, for being there for me." Natsuki looked down, guilt filling his heart. "I'm sorry... I worried all of you."

"You do not have to apologize for that, Natsuki."

"Yep," Reiji agreed, smiling genuinely at Natsuki as Ai sat next to Reiji. "That's what we friends do for one another. It's all a part of caring for one another a lot, Nattsun."

Natsuki smiled softly. "Yep. That's true."

Reiji gave him a half-hug and Natsuki hugged him back. When they pulled away after a few seconds, with Reiji's arm remaining wrapped around Natsuki's shoulders, Natsuki spoke again.

"And then... my alter ego..." Natsuki hesitated, his heart clenching in his chest, "... how did he... come out?"

"He compelled his way to the surface," Ai answered, giving Natsuki a look of understanding, as though he could tell how much it hurt him. "Do you remember how your chest tightened and you had no clue as to why that was so?" Natsuki nodded and Ai nodded back. "That was Satsuki attempting to force himself out and it strained your heart, overwhelming you."

_"I'm done watching this trash."_

Natsuki nearly flinched at the cold memory of the dark voice speaking in his head and Reiji seemed to sense his pain as he gave his shoulder a tight squeeze and asked, "Are you alright, Nattsun?" Nodding slightly, Natsuki decided to try and ask his friends about the voice, no matter what the answer ended up being.

"There was... a voice... speaking in my head before I blacked out," Natsuki told Reiji and Ai, and their eyes widened in surprise, "and the words weren't mine. It sounded really mad at Syo-chan and the others... Was that... my alter ego?"

"It was most likely him," Reiji said, nodding. "When he locked Ai-Ai and me in this room with him, he was extremely angry and violent regarding Syo and your band members."

Natsuki nearly flinched. "He... locked you guys here?"

"Yes, but Ranmaru forced the door open and intervened with Camus behind him," Ai replied. He frowned slightly. "Although Ranmaru's temperament caused a physical fight to ensue." He glanced at Reiji. "That was how Reiji got bruised; he protected Ranmaru from one of Satsuki's attacks that was guaranteed to not miss."

Worry streamed through Natsuki's heart. "Are Maru-chan-senpai and Myu-chan-senpai alright?"

"Yep," Reiji assured Natsuki, smiling lightly. "Other than when I protected Ran-Ran, no one got hurt. We decided to stay up to take care of you, so Myu-chan and Ran-Ran should be here soon."

Natsuki smiled, his heart relaxing in relief and softening with warmth. "I'm happy... you guys care so much about me."

Reiji and Ai smiled back, but Natsuki could see clear sorrow glimmering in his friends' eyes. His eyes widened in confusion as his heart faltered in pain at the looks on their faces and they looked into their eyes and scooted closer to him on the bed.

"Is there something wrong, Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan?"

Neither of them said anything for a moment. Ai looked down while Reiji's arm tightened around Natsuki, the two senpais remaining silent, causing the cold air amongst them to tense deeply. Natsuki looked around at both of them in sheer confusion and pain, unable to understand their sudden change in emotions.

"Rei-chan-senpai?" Natsuki repeated. "Ai-chan?"

Reiji slowly looked up at Natsuki, his eyes tortured. "Can you... answer us honestly, please, Nattsun?"

His eyes widening in surprise, Natsuki slowly nodded. "Sure, Rei-chan-senpai."

"Did we care enough?"

Natsuki's heart thudded in shock as he stared at Reiji. "Sen... pai...?"

"Satsuki told us numerous things about you that we had no clue about," Ai spoke quietly, his eyes remaining on the empty space on the bed, "and we have reasons to believe that he was telling the truth."

"His methods are too harmful and cruel," Reiji continued, "but from the way he spoke, it seemed that he wanted to protect you, to prevent you from being hurt." Reiji looked straight into Natsuki's eyes, his grey ones flooded with heavy agony. "He said that you had been hurt and isolated long before Ozrock came to you that night, and that... Starish was mostly responsible for it."

At the sound of Reiji's words, Natsuki could feel his own head and heart throb painfully, thoughts and memories flickering through his head like broken lights as emotions flooded through him.

"But we want... to hear the truth from you, Natsuki."

A hand wrapped itself around Natsuki's shoulder and he turned to face Ai, whose teal eyes looked at him with a pained expression. The sight of their pain made warm tears well up inside Natsuki's eyes all over again.

"We sincerely want to be there for you... even if we failed to in the past."

Camus

"I'm surprised that you are awake."

"Tch. You think I'm a slacker, Jack Frost?"

"I was merely following concrete facts about you, fool."

"Like you know everything, ice clunk."

Camus and Ranmaru scowled at each other as they headed towards the room in which they had placed an unconscious Natsuki. How intolerable was this hot-headed, rock-obsessed fool. Camus was starting to question why he agreed to have his shift in looking after Natsuki at the same time as this durian-haired male, but he easily recalled his reasons. Firstly, Reiji and Ai had volunteered to take majority of the shifts, which Camus understood as the two were especially close to Natsuki. Secondly, someone _had_ to keep Ranmaru's anger in check in case Satsuki ended up being the one that they had to face, although they had set up an emergency call system for such circumstances, and they all knew as much as he himself did that Camus could either talk sense into him or just freeze him into ice with his power, the latter which Reiji had insisted for him not to do.

 _Perhaps I will freeze you into ice one day_ , Camus mentally thought, noting how Ranmaru shot him an irritated scowl from the corner of his eye, _when you end up being too intolerable._

It was currently Ai's turn to look after Natsuki, but knowing Reiji, Camus doubted that Ai was the only one inside the spare bedroom. Approaching the door, Camus recalled seeing the doors to Ai and Reiji's guest bedrooms being tightly shut, but he highly doubted that they were inside, let alone asleep. Amongst the four of them, the two of them were clearly the most guilt-ridden by the information that Satsuki had slammed at their faces regarding Natsuki, given how much anguish had been vividly displayed on their faces and how much they had grown to care about Natsuki. As much as Camus adamantly refused to admit it out loud at all cost, he himself had been sickened by Starish's actions towards Natsuki, towards one of their own. Or perhaps, Natsuki was never one of their own if their treatment towards him was that atrocious? Soon, Camus and Ranmaru reached the door, but just as the latter reached out to open it, they heard voices.

"Can you... answer us honestly, please, Nattsun?"

Ranmaru's eyes widened as Camus furrowed his eyebrows. _Is Kotobuki interacting with Shinomiya?_

"Sure, Rei-chan-senpai."

Camus recognized the gentle, kind voice instantly. _Ah, so Shinomiya has awoken._

"Did we care enough?"

That was when Camus' eyes widened in disbelief. He, for one, had not expected Reiji to be that straightforward about his innermost feelings or ask that kind of question. But to be fair, Reiji, Camus had learned, was much more complex than his clown-like, annoying demeanor suggested, and the brunet demonstrated quite the amount of emotions towards those he cared about. Camus turned to Ranmaru and grabbed his arm without hesitation the moment he saw the silver-haired male trying to reach for the doorknob.

"Don't," Camus ordered.

Ranmaru shot him a dirty look. "Are you kidding me, you two-faced baron?" he hissed. "It's freaking obvious that they're gonna ask him about all the stuff that Satsuki blabbered on about and I wanna hear what he has to say just like they do."

"Do you truly believe I do not know that?" Camus demanded sharply, barely whispering.

"Then let go!" Ranmaru shot back.

"Consider this, Kurosaki," Camus told him flatly. "Would Shinomiya, who had not said a word about this for a long period of time, be comfortable talking about this matter if more of us are there? Not to mention, do you have the capabilities to be patient and control your anger when Shinomiya struggles or hesitates?"

Ranmaru cursed softly and Camus took it as a sign of mutual understanding of the situation.

"I suggest we remain outside and give them time before we enter the room," Camus said, crossing his arms. "Shinomiya is most comfortable around Kotobuki and Mikaze, so give them time instead of making our presence known to them now. If there is anyone whom he will speak to about this matter, it is Kotobuki and Mikaze. Feel free to eavesdrop if you like, however."

"Tch, fine."

Ranmaru looked away, his voice lowered.

"But don't expect me to remain still if I hear something about those kouhais that ticks me off."

Camus scoffed. "I can ensure your stillness with a zap of ice if I desire it."

Ranmaru glared at him. "Don't you freaking dare pull that on me."

They bickered for a few short moments before they eventually feel silent and proceeded to wordlessly listen to Ai, Reiji and Natsuki's conversation. Camus was definitely uninterested in joining this friendship that these three ended up sharing with one another, but he supposed that it would not hurt to listen in on them and learn more about the thing called the "truth".

"But we want... to hear the truth from you, Natsuki," they could hear Ai say from inside the room.

Or perhaps, was a confirmation... what they all truly seeked?

A confirmation... of a truth that they had either been too oblivious or indifferent to notice?

Ranmaru narrowed his eyes ever so slightly as Camus frowned in concentration.

Not that a confirmation would provide any sense of assurance.

Reiji Kotobuki

Each confirmation that Natsuki gave of Satsuki's words plunged Reiji deeper and deeper into broken anguish and guilt.

The three of them - Reiji, Natsuki and Ai - sat on the small white bed together. With his arm wrapped tightly around Natsuki, Reiji sat right next to the blond male, while Ai sat directly in front of them, his legs dangling above the white floor. Reiji and Ai slowly repeated Satsuki's words to Natsuki a few statements at a time, asking if what the alter ego had told them was true. Each and every time, Natsuki had nodded, validating each statement with tears glimmering in his green eyes filled with agony, and the confirmations would never fail to break Reiji's already-shattered heart like knives piercing through fragile glass that had already had cracks in the first place.

_We... We failed you._

Natsuki had been isolated and outcasted by his own band members throughout most of the time that Reiji, Ai and the rest of Quartet Night had known them and yet... none of them looked into it enough to realize what was going on. He had been yelled at and lashed out on by the others, especially Syo and Tokiya, his ideas for songs were often either ignored or disregarded like his efforts did not matter, and there were times when some of them would just tell Natsuki to "deal with it" if he ran into hate comments from their fans when they were in bad moods. They had gone out without him even though they knew that he would have been able to come, left him out like he was not part of the group, and lied to his face after they had come back, oblivious to the fact that he knew more than he thought they knew. He had felt like he wasn't really one of them, like they'd easily sacrifice him if they were forced to choose, like he wasn't as important as the rest of them. And despite it all... he'd keep smiling at them, forgiving too easily, letting them be too kindly.

_And we... didn't care enough, didn't see enough, didn't try enough._

"I'd smile at them, not wanting to hold anything against them, but I... I..."

Natsuki's voice cracked and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly, tears flowing down his cheeks as he held back a sob.

"It hurts... It breaks me inside and I... I-"

Unable to stand seeing Natsuki this broken, Reiji pulled him into his arms and hugged him tightly, closing his eyes as the younger male cried softly onto his shoulder, shaking uncontrollably. He knew what Natsuki was trying to say. He knew that Natsuki would smile, but what his band members did was actually tearing him apart on the inside. He would smile brightly like he was fine even when all the agony was stabbing him on the inside... and that was supposed to be what Reiji should have been able to see through: a warm smile that concealed tremendous agony and grief.

But... he did not.

_We didn't... and Nattsun's been crying alone... because we weren't there for him._

"Nattsun..." Reiji whispered, slowly opening his eyes, noticing that Ai had scooted closer to them and was rubbing a trembling Natsuki's back, "why didn't you say anything before? Why didn't you tell any of us about what has been going on? The way they treated you wasn't fair and you knew it, Nattsun... They made you cry, hurt you like this, so why... didn't you say a word to anyone?"

"I didn't... want anyone... to stop smiling," Natsuki replied softly, true anguish seeping through his words, and Reiji's heart clenched as he held the blond male even tighter. "I tried... to think positively. I thought of their warmth, their kindness, all the times that they'd been there for me... and decided to let it go, to try and forget about it... Maybe they had their reasons. I tried thinking that way and I just..."

Natsuki slowly pulled away from Reiji and looked at both him and Ai, his round green eyes engulfed in deep agony behind his black-framed glasses.

"I thought..." Natsuki smiled weakly through his tears, his voice barely audible, "that it would be alright."

Reiji's eyes widened and suddenly, a flood of tears had reached the back of his eyes, threatening to break free and fall any minute. Natsuki's words catapulted Reiji back to a time in which he had thought the exact same words, _It would be alright_ , those same broken words filled with hope that ended up being rendered false and useless. He remembered how his best friend Aine had once asked him if he could listen to his problems, only for him to joke in response, knowing how it was very unusual of Aine to say something like that, paying no heed to the signs. He remembered how his eyes had widened in shock when he saw countless messages from his friends asking him if he had see his best friend. He remembered how he had panicked and tried to reassure himself, thinking that it would be alright, that Aine was fine, that the worst was not happening at this very moment, and how his heart had plummeted down into an abyss when he discovered that Aine had tried to drown himself and was trapped in a coma. He had promised to himself, sworn to himself, that he would not allow the same thing to happen again, that he would be more attentive, look out for his friends more, ensure that what happened to Aine would not happen to anyone that he cared about.

Yet even with that promise that he had meant with every part of him...

Natsuki had been broken when he was around and he had not noticed a thing when he needed to.

Natsuki had believed that everything would be alright, that he would be fine despite everything, and Reiji... was nowhere to be found when he needed someone to hold onto him the most. And Natsuki, just like Aine, had always been there whether Reiji was smiling or breaking down, and yet... yet...

_I'm a failure._

He let the both of them down.

"We..." Reiji started, but almost immediately, his voice wavered.

A warm tear slid down Reiji's face, with him too powerless to hold it back any longer, a lump stuck in his throat. He gritted his teeth as Natsuki and Ai's eyes widened in shock and agony. He didn't think he'd be crying either. He didn't think he was entitled to it, didn't think that he would end up being unable to hold back. But here he was. Shaking his head slightly, Reiji placed a hand on Natsuki's left shoulder and clasped it tightly, almost like he was scared that Natsuki would disappear if he let go.

Why couldn't he stop letting the people he cared about the most down?

"W... We're sorry... Nattsun."

Reiji inhaled and exhaled, unable to stop himself from shaking as he tightened his hold on Natsuki's shoulder.

"We're so, so sorry, Nattsun."

Ranmaru Kurosaki

_I can't freaking listen in on this._

That was the thought that crossed Ranmaru's head as he started to walk away from the door and Camus, refusing to listen to another word. Those three... What had been going on in there had been some of the most painful things that Ranmaru had _ **ever**_ had to listen to in his freaking life, and he was not even exaggerating. Not one bit. His hands were balled into fists and he was beyond glad that Camus did not call him out for walking away or decide to zap him into some ice statue like he had said he could.

_Oh God._

Ranmaru had still been able to hold back when Natsuki was confirming Satsuki's words, although he really wanted to personally punch each and every single one of the other six kouhais, especially that short kid, in the face. He had still been able to listen in as Natsuki cried and broke into pieces, although that had really got to him more than he'd like to ever admit. But then freaking Reiji came. Freaking, _freaking_ Reiji came in with a broken voice and was clearly on the verge of crying if he hadn't cried yet, and Ranmaru had never ever seen that guy even the slightest bit near crying, and that was when he couldn't take it anymore, couldn't subject himself to this any longer. Gritting his teeth, Ranmaru threw the door to his guest bedroom open, wanting to get as faraway from that room as possible, cursing himself over and over again.

_Why did I even listen in in the freaking first place? God I'm a moron. A freaking, freaking moron._

Ranmaru slammed the door shut, gritting his teeth.

_'Cause listenin' to that... is just plain torture._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"We're so, so sorry, Nattsun..."

Natsuki's eyes were dilated in shock and anguish as Reiji faced him with tears glimmering in his normally-bright grey eyes, the latter's lips quivering slightly as his face wore a tortured expression. He had never seen such a shattered expression on Reiji's face before, let alone a single tear fall from his eyes. From the shock in Ai's teal eyes, Natsuki could tell that he had never seen Reiji like this either. Natsuki could feel Reiji's hand tighten around his shoulder as a quiet sob slipped out of the brunet's lips, the latter's teeth clenched painfully, and seeing him like this...

It broke Natsuki's heart more than anything.

"Why..." Natsuki whispered, his voice wavering, "why are you saying sorry, Rei-chan-senpai...?"

"Because we..."

Reiji smiled weakly, looking straight into Natsuki's eyes.

"We failed you, Nattsun."

Natsuki stared at Reiji in shock. "Rei-chan-senpai-"

"Reiji's right, Natsuki."

Ai's voice was quieter than usual and his normally-calm teal eyes were filled with deep sorrow as he looked at Natsuki as well, his smile as sad as his expression, and shook his head.

"We let you down, and we are sincerely sorry that we did."

Natsuki stared at his two friends, unable to understand what they were saying. "You didn't let me down-"

"We weren't there for you, Nattsun," Reiji stopped him, giving his shoulder a tight squeeze, almost like he was pleading Natsuki to not say otherwise, "even when we could and should have been. All of us - Ai-Ai, Myu-chan, Ran-Ran and I - we lived under one roof with all of you and yet... none of us noticed a thing. We either didn't notice or didn't care enough or didn't do both, and you're not just our kouhai, but our friend. Friends look out for one another and are there for one another and yet..."

Reiji shook his head, his grey eyes filled with deep pain and remorse.

"None of us were there for you... and because of that... you cried and suffered alone, Nattsun."

Warm tears rolled down Natsuki's cheeks as his heart trembled with surges of emotion. "Rei-chan-senpai-"

"I was your mentor," Ai spoke, lowering his eyes. "Not only that, but you were someone whom I developed a bond with. Despite that, however, all that truly mattered to me was your discipline and growth as an idol. Even though I had not acknowledged you as a friend at that point in time, that did not mean that I could be as indifferent as I was towards how you felt, and being an android with hardly any understanding of human emotions is not a valid excuse either. I had noticed the pain in your eyes more times than I could keep track of, and yet I had neither the empathy, initiative nor compassion to try and ask if you were alright, to talk to you about it, to, at the very least, _care_."

Ai placed a hand on Natsuki's free shoulder, his teal eyes looking into his with a deep regret that the latter had never seen in him.

"So even though your growth as an idol was extraordinary, I completely failed as someone who was supposed to look after you and for that... I am deeply sorry, Natsuki. I am sorry that I did not care nearly as much as I should have when you had always looked out for me. More sorry than I thought I would ever be. You gave me these emotions and yet... I was never by your side when you needed someone the most. That is why I failed... and I'm really, sincerely sorry."

At the sound of his friends' apologies, at their expressions of deep remorse and anguish, Natsuki's heart shattered and its slivers stabbed through his insides, making him bleed, letting the pain, sorrow and anguish seep through him like an unending, cruel song. Shaking his head a few times, Natsuki took Reiji's right hand and Ai's left hand in his and grasped them tightly, the same lump still trapped in his throat as he sniffled, tears slipping down his face. He looked straight at both of them, his lips quivering, and spoke softly, not caring how much his voice wavered.

"You g-guys didn't fail me, Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan..." Natsuki told them, his voice nearly inaudible. He breathed in and released a quavering breath. "I was t-the one... who chose not to tell you guys, t-to... hide my pain behind my smiles, to try to stay strong on my own... if it meant... that everyone... would keep smiling."

He squeezed their hands tightly and he could feel their fingers curling around his own hands as he let out a few quiet sobs, unable to restrain his cries.

"It's because of me... that we are all hurt like this... and that's why I... am the one who should be sorry." He hung his head, trembling even more than before. "I'm so sorry, Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan..."

"No, Nattsun," Reiji told him quietly, shaking his head, squeezing his hand tightly. "Please don't blame yourself. This isn't on you. We all had things that we chose to do and to not do. And all of it... is what made it come down to this. But Nattsun... please... don't ever think that it's alright for them to treat you that way, whether to your face or behind your back. Don't let them take advantage of your kindness and get away with hurting you, whether they realize it or not. Don't ever think that it's okay... for you to sacrifice your happiness as long as everyone else is happy. Because you deserve to be happy, to smile, as much as the rest of us do, and Nattsun..."

Reiji slowly let go of Natsuki's hand before pulling him into a tight hug, his warmth encircling him.

"Ai-Ai and I... won't smile..." Reiji's voice wavered with broken emotions, "if you can't. We'll cry with you as long as you cry and that's because... we aren't alright... if you aren't, Nattsun. We're best friends. More than anything, we just wanna be there for one another and that includes you."

His eyes wide with emotion, Natsuki trembled as Reiji tightened his arms around him and Ai's arms wrapped themselves around the two of them.

"So promise us... you'll let us be there for you no matter what, just like you've been there for us... alright?"

Squeezing his eyes shut as tears ran down his face like warm rivers, Natsuki nodded a few times and hugged both Reiji and Ai back, crying as the former cried too. "I promise... Rei-chan-senpai... Ai-chan..." They both nodded onto his shoulders and the three of them remained like that, holding onto one another, sharing their warmth, pain, sorrow and remorse, grasping onto the promise to be there for one another regardless of what happened. Natsuki wanted... to have the strength... to protect them, to be there for them, to end their pain and make sure that they were able to smile no matter what. He could feel Reiji's hand clasp the back of his head and ruffle his hair slightly and he held his best friends even tighter. He wanted them to know that they never failed him. He wanted them to know that they were his strength and wanted to be their strength. 

And he wanted them to know that this promise that the three of them had made... would always be held with all of his heart and soul, and would glow within him no matter what.

Ai Mikaze

Camus and Ranmaru knocked on the door and entered the room approximately 12 minutes after Reiji and Natsuki had wiped their tears away and they and Ai had regained their composure. Neither of them appeared to be surprised when they saw that Natsuki had awoken, which made both Ai and Reiji instantly suspicious as to how long they had been outside.

"How long were you two outside?" Ai asked, giving them an expressionless gaze.

"Why do you care?" Ranmaru countered and Ai sighed.

"Were you guys eavesdropping?" Reiji asked.

Camus scoffed. "Preposterous."

"Liars," Reiji sang, grinning.

"Shut up, Reiji."

"Hey!"

However, the topic was soon shifted as Camus asked Natsuki about his condition. Natsuki admitted that his body was still feeling weak and his head was throbbing slightly, and Ai took his temperature again, only to find that his mentee still had a fever of 38.5 degrees Celsius. As they told Natsuki to get some sleep, Reiji suddenly asked if he wanted to go back to the apartment instead of staying here. Everyone thought that it was a good idea, with Ranmaru mentioning how Natsuki was better off away from the rest of Starish, stating that what they had done to him still made Ranmaru feel sick.

"That would be nice," Natsuki admitted, smiling lightly at the four Quartet Night members, "but um... is it really a good idea... to not sort things out with Syo-chan and the others before going back?" Natsuki lowered his eyes. "I don't want them to-"

"Leave them," Camus cut in, his icy blue eyes narrowed, causing Natsuki's green ones to widen in surprise. "Based on what I recall, none of them had any interest in respecting your decision to move out on your own accord and even resorted to disregarding your feelings, so why consider theirs?"

"Ouchie, that's cold, Myu-chan!" Reiji pouted, but his eyes turned serious when he faced Natsuki. "But Myu-chan's not completely wrong-"

"I am right, peasant."

"Err... well, Myu-chan's right about what Syo and the others did to you," Reiji said, scooting closer to Natsuki. "Not to mention, you're still recovering from the last incident, so it's not a very good idea to try and talk to them again for now."

Reiji smiled faintly.

"We don't want you getting even more hurt, Nattsun."

"I agree," Ai said, nodding slightly. "So do not worry about them, alright, Natsuki? We will leave that subject for another time and focus on your recovery instead, okay?"

Natsuki smiled slightly before nodding, and it made Reiji and Ai smile. Thus, everyone agreed that they would depart immediately after breakfast, with Natsuki and Ai in Reiji's car, Ranmaru in his own car and Camus remaining in the mansion. With knowledge of the fact that Natsuki was going to permanently move in with Reiji, Ai offered to retrieve the blond male's remaining belongings from the dorms and Ranmaru decided to go with him. Natsuki had tried to refuse, but none of them were about to let him get yelled at by Syo again and his health condition was still at a weakened state. So after Natsuki woke up at 7:38 a.m. and the five of them prepared themselves and had breakfast together in the nearly-deserted dining hall, they parted ways, with Camus, Reiji and Natsuki going to pay Shining Saotome's office a visit and tell him that the Natsuki had awoken and Ranmaru and Ai going to Syo and Natsuki's shared dormitory regardless if the short-tempered, shorter boy had woken up.

"If he yells at us, don't blame me if I smack him across his face," Ranmaru said nonchalantly as he and Ai walked together.

Ai shrugged. "If getting a scolding from Shining-san does not matter to you, I suppose there will be no harm done to you."

"Do I look like I care what the old man has to say?"

Ai shrugged again and Ranmaru looked straight ahead. Oddly enough, they had not run into any Starish members. Ai had estimated that there was a probability of 70% that they would have seen Otoya or Masato on the way to the dorms, knowing that the two naturally woke up early. However, Ai supposed that it was more convenient to not meet any of the six Starish members, especially since they would only cause chaos to ensue. As they walked, Ai mentally recalled the areas on which Natsuki kept his belongings and the thought that he remembered those kinds of details and yet did not look into the times that he suffered brought a pang of agony to his chest.

As much as Natsuki did not hold it against him, Ai was still rather uneasy about his past actions and lack of initiative.

"Ai."

"Yes?" Ai asked, facing Ranmaru, whose heterochromatic eyes were focused on the corridor ahead of them.

Ranmaru did not say a word for a moment, his expression blank.

"It was painful for you three back there, wasn't it?"

Ai's eyes widened slightly, but he maintained a calm voice and expression as he responded. "Were you outside, Ranmaru?"

"Until Reiji sounded like he was about to cry," Ranmaru answered, not bothering to deny his presence unlike back in the room with Natsuki, Reiji and Camus. "Both the sugar addict and I were there, but I left as soon as I heard Reiji sound like that. When that came, I couldn't take it anymore."

He paused for 3 seconds. "He was crying, wasn't he?"

Ai nodded. "He was. So was Natsuki."

"What about you?"

Ranmaru stopped walking when they were 2.4 meters away from Natsuki and Syo's dormitory and Ai stopped behind him. He turned to face Ai, his eyes more serious than before.

"Did you feel something in that chest of yours? Just crossed my mind."

Ai took 14 seconds to formulate the words, which was unlike him as he would normally have a response within less than a few seconds. He thought of Natsuki, Reiji and how much he believed he had failed the former and how he never wanted to see either of them that tormented ever again. He thought of the emotions that came into his artificial chest, of how they should not even exist within them but came anyway, and he looked at Ranmaru, deciding that the only thing there was to say was the truth. Ai was always straightforward anyway.

"I did," Ai answered softly, looking straight at Ranmaru. "It hurt. More than I knew it was capable of hurting. Natsuki and Reiji taught me that it was a part of caring about others; this pain. Like their joy becomes mine, their pain does too."

Ai placed a hand on the left side of his chest.

"I could sense pain, but I also sensed hope and a desire to be by their side. That... is the definition of companionship, right?"

Ranmaru stared at him, gaping slightly, his eyes wide, and Ai gave him a puzzled look. However, the silver-haired male soon crossed his arms and appeared to be in deep contemplation, as though he was pondering over Ai's words.

"Ranmaru?"

"You know..."

Ranmaru scratched his hair.

"The Mikaze Ai before the night we found Natsuki would never, and I mean, _never_ , have said anything like that."

Ai nodded slightly. "... I see."

"But that ain't half-bad, ya know?"

Much to Ai's surprise and puzzlement, Ranmaru grinned slightly.

"You're growin' a soul. And you got more heart now. Those things can never be bad for anyone, ya know?"

Ai stared at Ranmaru in utter shock, never expecting the rocker to say anything like that. _A 'soul'? More 'heart'?_ Although he did not entirely understand and saw the necessity to do more research on those subjects, Ai sensed something consoling about those words and he smiled slightly at Ranmaru. Ranmaru patted him on the back and they headed towards the dormitory, prepared to enter uninvited.

"Got the key?" Ranmaru asked, swiftly changing topics.

"Yes," Ai replied, holding onto the silver key that he had kept as a former resident of that dormitory.

"But ya know, if the key's stuck in the hole from inside, I'll just bust that door open."

Once they were in front of the mahogany door, Ai inserted the key into the keyhole and turned it. He heard an audible click and turned the doorknob, opening the door. It creaked slowly and he let himself and Ranmaru in, only to find Syo already awake and drying his hair.

"Ren," Syo said loudly over the noise from the pink hairdryer, "I don't know how you got the freaking key, but you-"

"Except that this ain't Ren, you pipsqueak," Ranmaru interrupted, already scowling.

"What the-"

Syo spun around and gawked at Ranmaru and Ai, who walked away from the door and towards Natsuki and Syo's bunk beds.

"What are you freaking-"

"None of your business," Ranmaru fired back as Ai pulled Natsuki's large black trolley bag and unzipped it. Ai could hear Syo curse as he opened the cabinet and started to take Natsuki's clothes from the hangers.

"We never said that he could just move out!" Syo protested vehemently as Ai neatly folded Natsuki's T-shirts and jeans. "Just because he got Shining and Reiji's approvals it doesn't mean he can disregard us!"

"Like you all cornered him and didn't care how he felt?"

"Who did any of that?"

Ai ignored Syo and he could feel the latter seething with rage even without looking at him.

"Ai! Are you freaking serious about going with this? I thought you were fair!"

Ai narrowed his eyes, but before he could speak, he heard something get shoved against the wall. Unfazed, Ai looked up from his packing and was not surprised to see an indignant Syo forced against the white wall by Ranmaru, who was scowling furiously.

"Are you really letting Ranmaru do this, Ai?" Syo yelled.

"Shut your trap, short kid!" Ranmaru shouted.

"You shut it!"

"What is going on?"

Ai turned and saw Masato, Ren, Otoya, Tokiya and Cecil in the doorway, staring at the three of them in utter shock and disbelief. He heard Ranmaru growl before speaking.

"What's going on is that you, Cecil," he stared pointedly at a shocked Cecil, "can finally have a roommate since his-" he shot a glare at Syo "-is moving out. After all, this guy _did_ say that his was a lousy one, so why not?"

"Kurosaki-senpai, let Kurusu-san go," Tokiya said, "then we can talk about-"

"About what?" Ranmaru snapped. "About how you outcasted and isolated your friend?"

"What the-"

"What the what?" Ranmaru demanded as Ai climbed up the bunk beds' ladder and collected Natsuki's plushies. "We finally figured it out? We finally found out how you've been treating him like dirt? Were you lot trying to play us senpais for fools?"

"Mikaze-senpai," Masato spoke from behind Ai, "please stop packing Shinomiya's belongings and hear us out."

Ai did not respond and simply took another trolley bag and arranged Natsuki's plush toys inside.

"Please, Ai-senpai!" Otoya exclaimed.

"Mikaze-san," Tokiya called him.

"I am done, Ranmaru," Ai spoke calmly as though the six Starish members were absent, zipping up the second trolley bag, noting that majority of Natsuki's belongings were already at Reiji's apartment. "We're leaving."

Grunting, Ranmaru snatched his hand away from Syo and took the first trolley bag, and Ai nodded at him. With the silver handle of the second trolley bag in his right hand, Ai noticed that none of the kouhais made a single move to let them leave the room, barricading the exit, and he narrowed his eyes expressionlessly.

"We won't let you leave until you hear us out," Tokiya declared, frowning.

"There is nothing to hear," Ai said bluntly, staring at them calmly. Something unpleasant was stirring inside of Ai and it was bubbling and burning at the same time. Was this what they called "anger"? Ai, however, could easily recognize the aforementioned emotion flashing across Syo's face as he clenched his fists and scowled at him and Ranmaru, and he maintained a calm expression.

"Nothing to hear?" Syo repeated, on the verge of yelling. "So it's wrong to say that we wanna look Natsuki in the eye and sort things out with him instead of letting him leave like what we think doesn't even ma-"

"Leave Natsuki be."

"Are you freaking kidding-"

"I said, _Leave him be_ ," Ai said coldly, his tone changing, and Syo and the others' eyes dilated. But Ai could care less how they reacted as he narrowed his eyes even more. "Do any of you realize how much you have isolated Natsuki amongst yourselves? Did any of you set aside your selfishness to consider how he has felt this entire time? If you are attempting to deny your actions or make excuses for what you have subjected your friend to, there is nothing that Ranmaru and I need to hear, and if Reiji and Camus were here, they would be saying the exact same thing."

"We never wanted to hurt Natsuki-" Cecil started, but Ai instantly cut him off.

"But you did," Ai said sharply as Ranmaru glared at the kouhais, and that effectively silenced Cecil. "Repeatedly, if I may add. But Natsuki stayed silent because he did not wish to hurt anyone. He sacrificed his own happiness for all of you and yet you abused his kindness like his feelings did not matter. Like _he_ did not matter. So in my opinion, it was about time he moved out to live with someone who treasured him and treated him as an equal."

He could sense the unpleasantness stirring inside his chest even more rapidly, but he kept it within himself and kept his tone even and cold.

"And that person is Reiji. So if you really care about Natsuki, leave us be before we force our way out."

After Ai finished speaking, it took 6 seconds before Ren and Masato slowly stepped away from the door, with Otoya glancing around worriedly, and Ranmaru shoved past Syo and Cecil, storming out. Ai calmly stepped past each Starish member, ignoring their stares of disbelief, and walked behind Ranmaru, the two of them heading towards the exit where they had agreed to meet Natsuki, Reiji and Camus once they were done. The unpleasantness inside his chest seemed to simmer down and dissipate as Ai and Ranmaru got further and further away from the dormitories, and a part of him appeared to be almost exhausted, like he had been singing and dancing for hours, and he sighed quietly.

"Don't know if you get it yet, but..."

Ranmaru looked at Ai over his shoulder and grinned slightly.

"About time you showed your teeth."

Ai smiled slightly and he and Ranmaru walked beside each other while pulling the trolley bags. The guilt that had been a weight that his chest bore seemed to lessen as he began to develop a greater understanding towards what it meant to be there for Natsuki and what he had severely lacked in the past. As much as he had not expected himself to be that angry,

the fact that he did it for the sake of someone whom he cared about was oddly... comforting.

Natsuki Shinomiya

"I'll turn on a calming song and take the turns slow."

Reiji looked at Natsuki and Ai through the rear-view mirror and smiled warmly.

"So go ahead and take a rest. Nap if you want to, alright, Ai-Ai, Nattsun?"

"Thank you, Rei-chan-senpai," Natsuki responded with a slight smile as Ai nodded briefly.

Reiji smiled back and focused on the road ahead. The three of them were on the way back to Reiji's apartment. Shining Saotome had glomped Natsuki into a big hug when he entered the senior's office with Reiji and Camus, and told him that he was free to go back to Reiji's apartment, to his new home, and the word "home" had warmed his heart on the inside as Camus nodded and Reiji wrapped his arm around Natsuki with a bright smile. After leaving the office, Natsuki's trolley bags were placed in the trunk of Reiji's car, and Ai, Natsuki and Reiji had said their goodbyes to Ranmaru and Camus, with Natsuki thanking the both of them for being there for him and the two senpais accepting his thanks. Sitting at the back with Ai, Natsuki leaned back against the backrest, his eyes barely able to stay wide open, his head getting heavier and heavier as the car drifted further and further away from the mansion.

"We'll be home in a jiffy, guys," Reiji said, a sincere smile gracing his eyes even though he kept his eyes on the road. _Home..._

Natsuki could feel a soft smile curve on his lips as Ai looked at him with a gentle expression, as though the latter knew how much that word meant to him.

_We're... going home._

His heart was quivering with a sudden flow of powerful emotions.

_We're going home... Rei-chan-senpai... and Ai-chan._

When the car was passing the gates, leaving the mansion area, Natsuki had looked over his shoulder through the back window and saw his band members standing on one of the balconies, observing as he, Reiji and Ai left. He could see that there were only five of them. He knew that Syo wasn't there and did not want to see him. He knew that the five of them - Otoya, Tokiya, Cecil, Ren and Masato - were watching and that none of them were smiling, even if he could not see their faces from afar. He knew that the dorms that he had lived in with the six of them were once called his home, but did not feel completely like home. He knew that he was leaving for a place that he could call "home" with all his heart and that it was his own choice to be with Reiji and Ai. Yet the fact that the six Starish members weren't smiling and didn't want him to leave... pierced him deeply, like the blade that would always make him bleed if he saw them in pain.

 _I'm sorry..._ Natsuki whispered in his head, _that you're not smiling... guys..._ _But please smile... even when I'm gone... okay?_

He clenched his fists slightly, lowering his eyes.

_I don't want any of you... to be sad..._

His head grew heavier and heavier as his heart pulsated with a profound agony and sorrow, and he nearly felt like crying. However, as his eyes slowly failed him, slowly blurred over, Natsuki faintly felt a hand wrap itself around his shoulder and a familiar, gentle voice and cadence filled his ear, brought a genuine, consoling warmth seeping through his heart.

" _And now, this entire existence...known as me,_

 _I'll protect the flower you've become_ "

As Ai's voice singing "Winter Blossom" slowly dissolved his sorrowful thoughts like the streetlamps' glows blurring the cold nights over, Natsuki felt his own heart and body relax and succumb to his fatigue and warmth as the thoughts gently faded into the memories of himself, Ai and Reiji, the memories filled with warmth, togetherness and hope, of a friendship that he held close to him like a shining, undying star.

" _Somehow, I believe...In the future, this seed_ "

Amidst the melody, another was resounding inside Natsuki's head. The song that he had been working on. The song that he knew the melody and rhythm to, but was stuck with four particular words, unsure of their meaning, doubting their completeness.

" _Will bloom into my heart...I'm sure!_ "

But he was somehow sure... that the "your" in that sentence, in the lyrics " _I need your love_ "... deeply included Reiji and Ai, deeply included his two precious and closest friends. He could feel Ai's hand giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze as his eyes gently fell to a close and he could barely stay conscious amidst the fog weighing down on his mind. That certainty of that face itself... it gave him an irreplaceable warmth and a more fulfilling sense of... completeness.

" _My promise to you..._ "

Exactly like... the promise they shared did.

 _I need your love..._ he barely whispered in his mind right before he disappeared into deep sleep, and the last things that he managed to see through his blurred vision... were Reiji looking at him over his shoulder and Ai right beside Natsuki.

And their smiles... were warm.

Reiji Kotobuki

_Ah, last night took a greater toll on me than I thought..._

Reiji let out a faint chuckle as he stretched his arms, aware of how his muscles ached.

_But it was all worth it since Nattsun and Ai-Ai are gonna be alright._

Reiji and Ai had carried a sleeping Natsuki to his bedroom, not wanting to wake the male up, and decided to take the entire morning off to sleep. The two of them had exchanged sincere smiles as they stayed and watched over the blond kouhai for a few moments, warmth filling Reiji's beating heart at the pure serenity and innocence on Natsuki's face after it had been streaked with tears hours ago. Afterwards, Ai decided to sleep on a sofa with a spare pillow and quilt while Reiji went into his own bedroom, knowing that he, like his best friends, needed a lot of rest as well. Yawning, Reiji plopped down on the side of his bed, pulling the viridian quilt down, ready to immerse himself into the realm of sleep. And that was when his tired eyes fell upon the star-shaped plushie. The one that Natsuki had given him on the night that they went to look at the stars together.

_"Knowing that you're smiling makes me smile too."_

Smiling slightly, Reiji reached out for the plushie and hugged it too his chest, slowly closing his eyes.

_The same goes for me when it comes to you guys, Nattsun... Ai-Ai..._

He tightened his arms around the plushie ever so slightly, his hazed mind wandering over to a past that he could not seem to let go of, even for himself, especially for himself.

_... and... Aine_ _..._

Like the wind howling in a summer night, the lulls of sleep called out to him and gently took him away, letting him be wrapped in its comfort, which he wished he could say he deserved but did not. But even with his doubt regarding any sense of entitlement, with the plushie from his best friend Natsuki in his arms,

Reiji found himself smiling as his eyes closed, and for that moment, he let himself be free of the judgement of whether he deserved that or not.

_"See how it sparkles... Can you see our shining future?_

_I want to walk there together_

_So I'll have the power to protect"_

\- "Promise to Sirius", by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kishow Taniyama)


	18. Canary

Ai Mikaze

For the next 4 days, Ai and Reiji took care of Natsuki, who was in the process of recovering from the excruciating ordeal that had occurred at the mansion. Natsuki suffered from nightmares and cold flashes of the painful memories, as well as a severe headache and fever. Ai had created a schedule for Reiji regarding what to do which included taking their kouhai's temperature and the times to give him medicine, which Reiji had exclaimed was "insanely precise" - not that Ai had heard anyone say that for the 1st time - and gotten the necessary prescribed medicine from a reliable clinic. He would take note of Natsuki's temperature throughout the days and, along with Reiji, stay by their friend's side, assuring him that they were with him no matter what, as well as that Shining Saotome had given them both the permission to take leaves from idol work when Natsuki worriedly asked about that.

"Don't worry, Nattsun," Reiji assured with a laugh on the first day back from the mansion, wrapping his arm around Natsuki's shoulders. "No harm's done in taking a week off idol work. We idols have our breaks here and there anyway."

"Reiji's right," Ai agreed, nodding as he placed his hand against Natsuki's forehead, mentally noting that the latter's temperature had decreased by 0.3 degrees Celsius. "Not to mention, there is no harm in being by a friend's side and knowing you," he smiled slightly, "you'd be doing the same thing for us if the roles were reversed."

"Yeap!" Reiji chimed in with a bright smile.

And Ai and Reiji had smiled again when Natsuki gave them both a genuine, grateful smile. Even though the blond kouhai was sick, Natsuki was still putting them before himself. Even though Natsuki never said it out loud, Ai knew that the blond male was trying his best to recover, obediently following Ai's advice and making sure that he drank his medicine on time even when Reiji forgot, not only for his own sake, but theirs.

"I know that you guys are worried about me," Natsuki said on Wednesday when the three of them were drinking tea together in his bedroom, "because I still haven't fully recovered. I really hope I recover soon so that we can all smile together without any worries or pain again."

He placed his hands over his chest as he smiled gently at them.

"The thought of seeing you smile like that really warms my heart and makes me want to recover even more."

Ai remembered how he and Reiji had stared at Natsuki in surprise at his sincere, innocent words, moved by his feelings towards them, and how Natsuki simply smiled at them, oblivious as to how much his words had moved them. Both of them knew that neither of them had truly been freed of their guilt towards Natsuki. They could hear it in their words, see it in their eyes, feel it within them, even though Ai did not have a heart. Throughout the entire week, Natsuki had been recovering and smiling more as the days passed, but Ai could not stop thinking of the days in which Natsuki concealed the pain of his afflicted wounds behind his smiles, in which Ai, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus had failed to truly be there for him even when he had always been there for them, in which he had been living in the exact same room with him and Syo who had been the main cause of Natsuki's pain. The days in which Natsuki gave joy and warmth to everyone around him with a kind and open heart, but was given cruel pain in return.

_You gave me so much, more than this artificial life was meant to understand, and yet..._

A pang of anguish lanced through Ai's chest as he looked out of his window at the nightscape.

_I hardly gave anything back to you, even when you needed it the most._

Leaning against the wall next to the tall glass window that was barely covered by blue curtains, Ai quietly observed as the white glow of the streetlamps faintly illuminated the Prussian blue sky like stars that could hardly brighten an endless blackness. Their lights ironically accentuated the night's coldness rather than dissolving it into an illusion of something warmer, just like how Natsuki's smiles and words would intensify the pain that Ai had classified as "guilt" in his chest even amidst their warmth, bringing with them the memories of how the blond male had smiled with pain in his gentle eyes as Ai let him turn and walk away with pain in his green eyes back in the Master Course. Ai knew that he and Reiji were reasons why Natsuki was able to genuinely smile, but he still could not help the guilt piercing him at the thought of how long Natsuki hadn't been capable of smiling the way he was now because of Ai's indifference and apathy. Ai knew that it was thanks to him and Reiji that Natsuki was sleeping more properly and recovering from his fever and headache, but he doubted that he was giving nearly as much to Natsuki as the latter had given him.

_I gave so little... in such a large period of time._

"I wish that his heart would feel as peaceful as his face looks right now."

Ai turned to Reiji, whose voice was quiet, the older band member sitting on a wooden chair by Natsuki's bed, gently tousling the sleeping male's blond hair with a wistful look in his grey eyes.

"If only sleep could heal his heart."

"Yeah," Ai agreed quietly, lowering his eyes. "I wish that was so."

"But at least... he doesn't have to go back there anymore."

Reiji turned to Ai and his eyes smiled a little.

"And the three of us are and will always be here for one another, just like we all promised."

Ai nodded, smiling faintly. It was Friday night now. Although it was 8:45 p.m. and Ai was normally back in his apartment by this time, he was in Reiji's apartment, specifically inside Natsuki's bedroom, accompanying Reiji. He was staying over for the night, much to Reiji and Natsuki's joy and excitement, although the level of emotions that they showed was beyond Ai's comprehension. Leaning against the blue curtain that partially veiled the glass window, Ai looked down at Natsuki, who was fast asleep. The blue quilt covered Natsuki's body from his chest to his feet and he was facing his left side, unconsciously snuggling in the quilt. He was hugging a small blue penguin plushie, a serene smile on his innocuous, sleeping face, and the sight brought warmth to Ai's chest but also pierced him with the thought that his heart, no matter how calm he looked, had yet to heal completely.

_Is there anything that I can give... as a form of compensation for what cannot be undone?_

"The weekend's comin' in a few hours now."

Leaning back against the his chair, Reiji smiled up at Ai, his grey eyes glimmering in the dim light.

"Nattsun's been looking forward to us hanging out. After such a rough week, it's really fitting that we end it with true smiles on our faces, right?"

Ai nodded in agreement and he quietly observed as Reiji hugged his yellow star plushie, the one that Natsuki had given to him last week. He hid a sad smile. Seeing that plushie in Reiji's arms reminded Ai of how little he had done as Natsuki's friend and assigned mentor. Natsuki deeply loved his plushies and Ai knew that Natsuki would not give those cherished possessions of his to just anyone. From what Ai could tell, Natsuki would give plushies to people whom he especially loved and cherished with all his heart and whom he knew loved him back.

 _I couldn't believe it when Nattsun gave me this_ _plushie_ , Reiji had remarked a few days ago, looking down at the star plushie in his arms with a sentimental smile. _He said hugging it made him smile and that he wanted to know that I was smiling when I slept. He doesn't know how sweet of a friend he really is._

Reiji's grey eyes had twinkled with a soft expression as he hugged the star plushie a little tighter.

 _It's that kind of kindness that he has that really warms the heart, isn't it?_ Reiji had asked, smiling at Ai. _The deeply earnest kind._

While the recollection of how Natsuki and Reiji deeply cherished each other warmed Ai on the inside, it also reminded him of how little he knew what the words "friends" and "caring" meant compared to them, of how much he had not attempted to bond with Natsuki even though he had the entirety of the Master Course to do it. And it was evidently clear that Reiji had bonded with Natsuki abundantly more during the past three weeks than Ai had during their one year in the Master Course.

_And perhaps... Natsuki trusts Reiji more than he trusts me..._

A cold wave that Ai had classified as "sadness" undulated inside his chest as he observed Natsuki stir a little in his sleep and wrap his arms around his plushie tighter.

_It's logical if that's so... but it... somehow saddens me, although I cannot say that's fair of me._

"You still feel guilty towards Nattsun, don't you, Ai-Ai?"

Startled out of his thoughts, Ai widened his eyes slightly and turned to Reiji, who was already facing him. "How did you know?"

"Your expression says it all," Reiji answered, smiling faintly. "Moreover, you've been spacing out a lot ever since what happened at Shining's place. Even though you don't realize it yet, Ai-Ai, you care about Nattsun a lot more than you think you do."

Ai stared at Reiji in mild surprise, not at all expecting him to bring the subject about caring up. But before Ai could speak, Reiji continued.

"Let's make tomorrow a bright one, alright?"

Reiji gave Ai a sincere smile as he tilted his grey fedora up.

"Nattsun's the happiest when we're all smiling together. So am I and you're too, right? Whether we feel like we deserve it or not, let's make tomorrow a happy one for all of us. Tomorrow and Sunday and the many days after that. No matter what's been done, let's put it all aside for now and be content with the fact that the three of us are here together, alright?"

Even amidst his own pain, Ai felt his own lips ease into a small smile, and Reiji's eyes brightened.

"I'm taking that smile as a yes, Ai-Ai! You've gotta smile like that more often! And I definitely wanna see that cute smile and Nattsun's when I wake you guys up tomorrow morning, got that, Ai-Ai?"

"My smile is not cute-" Ai stopped shortly, Reiji's words replaying inside his head, and narrowed his eyes. "... Reiji, why would I need you to wake me up when you know that I am perfectly capable of setting my own alarm in my system?"

Reiji laughed at Ai's expression. "Hey! Don't go all suspicious on me! Let's just say that I wanna make sure you guys are up especially early for what I'm planning."

According to Ai's calculations based on the data that he had collected, when Reiji used the word "plan", there was a 0.95 probability that it was equivalent to either a prank or surprise. Ai narrowed his eyes even more, carefully studying the prankster's face.

"Define 'early.'"

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Reiji, I doubt that you will ever run out of unceremonious ways to awaken others."

"You make it sound so negative, Ai-Ai! You and Nattsun love hugs, so I thought that jumping onto you guys would make you guys smile while waking up!"

"Firstly, do not exaggerate my liking for hugs. Secondly, I had set my alarm, so your pounce was definitely unnecessary. Thirdly, you are lucky that Natsuki did not have a heart attack or wake the neighbours up, especially the former scenario."

"Aww, Ai-Ai!"

Natsuki laughed as Ai and Reiji debated with each other. It was 4:55 a.m. according to the time displayed in Reiji's car. Back at the apartment, Natsuki had been awoken by Reiji's weight on his body. His eyes had flown open in shock as he yelped, only to find Reiji laughing heartily and Ai shaking his head with a heavy sigh. Natsuki had hugged Reiji back while laughing as Ai chided Reiji for his actions, the youngest of the three of them remarking with disapproval how unsurprising it was for Reiji to act the way he did. Now the three of them were in Reiji's car, with Natsuki seated at the front with Reiji and Ai seated at the back. Reiji pouted and Ai sighed heavily with a shake of his head as the car drifted past rows of buildings that towered over them under the vast dark sky.

"It's alright, Ai-chan," Natsuki assured Ai, chuckling. "Rei-chan-senpai really shocked me when he woke me up, but it's really nice to be hugged first thing in the morning."

He smiled warmly as he held the blue penguin plushie that he had cuddled last night and decided to bring today against his chest.

"But seeing you worry about me makes me feel really warm, Ai-chan, just like the hug. You guys really made the morning so bright already!"

"Aww!" Reiji turned and beamed at Natsuki. "Same goes for me, Nattsun! There's nothing better than being in the company of your besties from the very start of the day! So glad you decided to sleep over at our place, Ai-Ai!"

"Yeah." At the sound of his teal-haired friend's soft voice, Natsuki looked over his shoulder and his heart brightened at the smile on Ai's face. "I'm glad you let me stay at the apartment, Natsuki, Reiji."

"And to think you, Ran-Ran and Myu-chan once said that you guys would never consider living with me," Reiji teased Ai.

"Staying over for one night is completely different from permanent residing with you, Reiji," Ai stated bluntly.

"Ouchie!"

Natsuki tilted his head in confusion. "Maru-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai and Ai-chan never wanted to live with you, Rei-chan-senpai?"

"Yep," Reiji replied, pouting. "They all coldly rejected me!"

"Why did you guys reject Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan?" Natsuki asked, not knowing why they would not want to live with their friend.

"For reasons that you are too kind and patient to comprehend, Natsuki."

"T- You wound me, Ai-Ai!"

"Also," Ai spoke, ignoring Reiji's last comment, "where are we headed, Reiji? I am hoping that you do not make me regret allowing you to wake us up at an unfathomable time."

"Oh yeah," Natsuki said, starting to get even more curious than before. When they first left the apartment, Reiji would adamantly refuse to tell him and Ai where they were going, saying that it was a secret. "Where are we going, Rei-chan-senpai? And why did we wake up so early?"

Reiji grinned as he maneuvered the steering wheel. "You'll know when you see it, guys!" He winked. "It's a Reiji Kotobuki surprise of love!"

Natsuki laughed while Ai sighed. Around them, lights had started to flicker behind the windows of buildings, glowing with warm white and yellow colours. Signs and decorations that ornamented restaurants, cafes and malls illuminated the city that had yet to fully awaken with vivid colours like red, blue, green, yellow, orange, purple and pink, and for the briefest moment, seeing all those colours shine together reminded Natsuki of his band members, his six friends in Starish, and it brought a pang of sorrow etching his heart without the need to even recall what had happened days ago. Even just seeing the colours of a rainbow shining around him was enough to make their images come to mind...

Natsuki tightened his arms around the penguin plushie, looking down.

Wasn't the thought of a rainbow... supposed to make him smile...?

"Don't let them stop you from being happy, Nattsun."

Natsuki felt a hand place itself on his shoulder and he turned to face Reiji, who was driving with his right hand alone and giving him a consoling smile.

"You deserve to be happy as much as we all do," Reiji told him, his voice filled with warmth. "Ai-Ai and I are gonna make sure that you believe that as much as we do. We know that things between you and Starish still aren't settled, but that's not on you. And when you have to face them again..."

Reiji smiled softly.

"We'll be right next to you, just like before, just like we'll always be."

"Reiji is right."

Natsuki turned to face Ai, who gave him a gentle smile.

"At least for this weekend, think of them as unnecessary files in a system. Store them in a USB that you will eject out of your head and only plug it back when you need to see them again."

"Pfft." Reiji spluttered with laughter as Natsuki started to laugh. "You sound almost like Myu-chan, but with that Ai-Ai twist that we know and love."

"And Natsuki, if Reiji ever gets too annoying to handle, do input his data into that USB as well and plug it out."

"Aww, that's cold! You know that you and Nattsun can't do that to me!"

As Reiji protested and Ai calmly countered the brunet's words, Natsuki soon noticed the warm light filtering through the car windows and squinted slightly in reflex, trying adjust his eyesight to the newly-found brightness. Slowly, he turned to face the front and his eyes widened at the streak of golden light etching across the dark sky, piercing through the blackness like a line of a powerful constellation. Within moments, the light grew even brighter, letting the darkness fading away, replacing it with orange, red and yellow colours that glowed across the infinite expanse ahead, and even the puffy clouds appeared to be glowing themselves, almost like they were swirled and blended into the sky themselves. Natsuki couldn't help the bright smile spreading across his face gently as he stared at the sight before his eyes in pure awe, almost entranced by it, unable to look away from the glowing sky.

"Ahh, I see you guys are realizing it now."

Reiji's hand squeezed Natsuki gently on the shoulder. Natsuki turned and saw Reiji gazing at the sky before them with a blithe expression on his face. In the rear-view mirror, Ai was staring through the front window with mesmerized teal eyes.

"The green side of the city, the one filled with nature, is the best place to watch the light come, isn't it? Well, at least that's how I feel and hope you feel."

"The green... side?" Natsuki repeated, confused, and Reiji simply laughed. He turned back to face the front window and that was when it dawned upon him that the buildings of rainbow-coloured lights and the streets and crossroads that were bound to be crowded with people were far behind and away from them. The buildings were overlapped by the shadows of the white and golden clouds hanging above them, their colours disappearing into the illuminating, warm twilight. Instead, what towered near the car that they were inside were trees that reached for the sky with thick clusters of red, orange, brown and green leaves that painted the landscape with even more colours, colours that warmed Natsuki's heart. The car slowly drifted to a stop near a park and Reiji turned to face Natsuki and Ai with a soft smile.

"We've watched the sunset, gazed up at the stars at night, and spent 8 a.m. mornings, afternoons, and evenings with one another. One thing we're missing other than midnight is the beautiful sunrise that we hardly get to watch as we normally choose to sleep in. So I thought it would be great if we could watch the sunrise together, just the three of us, if we could start the day off with a bright sky and bright smiles all at once. And I thought that this was the best place to be - a place where we could sit back and watch our first sunrise and then get ourselves great breakfast 'cause I'm tellin' you, the 2nd floor of the cafe just a walk away has quite the view and pancakes!"

Natsuki chortled, his heart smiling brightly, as Ai's lips formed a smile too, almost like the light in the sky had gone into his heart as well. Removing his seat belt, Reiji unlocked the car doors and grinned widely.

"Well, the sunrise waits for no one, so I'm not waitin' around either!"

Within moments, the car doors had swung open and to a close, and with a push of the button that locked all the doors, Reiji was pulling Natsuki along with him as he ran along the formerly-quiet sidewalk, with Natsuki pulling Ai by the arm. Stumbling a little and tightening his hold on Ai's arm, Natsuki glanced down at his sling bag to make sure that the penguin plushie did not fall out as he laughed and tried to regain his balance.

"Wah! You're really fast, Rei-chan-senpai!"

"Of course! I wouldn't wanna miss it for the world!"

"Reiji, you nearly made me and Natsuki fall over, so please slow down."

"We're almost there, guys! Just a few more seconds!"

Natsuki and Reiji laughed as Ai quietly relented and soon, the glass doors to the cafe swung open and with barely a moment of greeting the waiter and saying that they wanted a table of three, Reiji had pulled them up the spiralling mahogany wooden stairs and out to the balcony where the sky was enveloped in gold, scarlet, orange and yellow, to the black railings. The sun rose in the horizon over the countless buildings and treetops, over the clouds and leaves, bringing warmth and daylight to everything and everyone. The chirping of hummingbirds and canaries filled Natsuki's ears and its melody made his warm heart feel even more at peace. Beaming, Natsuki wrapped his arms around Reiji and Ai as the morning breeze caressed his blond hair and Reiji wrapped his arm around Natsuki and Ai placed one hand over the black railing.

"Even if the rainbow brings you sadness..."

Reiji tightened his arm around Natsuki and smiled gently.

"... always remember that you'll always have the sunrise, the sunset, the stars, and of course, me and Ai-Ai, alright? And together we will make our own rainbow with our own colours and emotions that no one else can create."

"Yeah."

Natsuki turned to Ai, who gave him a sincere smile.

"Always, Natsuki."

With emotions tugging at his heartstrings, overwhelming him, Natsuki beamed brightly at Reiji and Ai and pulled them to a tight hug, unable to help it. "Yep, I'll always remember no matter what, Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan. Our sunrise, rainbow, sunset, stars, promise, everything... I'll never forget them as long as we're together!"

Reiji laughed and gave Natsuki a sincere smile while Ai smiled more than before. And with their arms around one another, the three of them stayed like that, watching as the glowing clouds parted in an unspoken goodbye and a few pigeons soared in the sky with their white wings spread open like smiles in the illuminated sky.

_I feel... I believe... that I will have the strength to protect you guys... that I will be stronger for all of us... because like what this sunrise represents, I have hope and that's all... because of you guys._

Natsuki's lips softened into a gentle smile.

_Let's continue to make warm memories like this together, Rei-chan-_ _senpai_ _, Ai-chan._

Ai Mikaze

Ai, Natsuki and Reiji spent more than an hour on the balcony of the cafe. After watching the sunrise together, they sat one of the tables near the railing of the balcony and had breakfast together in the presence of warm sunlight and the pleasant chirping of birds. They took a multitude of photos together, watched the changes in the scenery and talked, laughed and smiled while relishing in one another's company and getting to know more about one another; for instance, how Reiji avoided going to certain places like this cafe if he had no friend to go with and how Natsuki sometimes played the viola for the birds.

"Please tell us when you do it next time!" Reiji said, smiling enthusiastically. "I wanna see!"

Natsuki's eyes widened in surprise and his cheeks started to swell with blood as a shy smile formed on his lips. "Okay, Rei-chan-senpai."

"Aww, Nattsun is shy!" Reiji laughed and Ai smiled as Natsuki's cheeks reddened even more.

Ai had to admit that it was a satisfying change of pace. They had had a tumultuous and agonizing week and Ai could not come up with a better way to end it than being with the people whom he cared about the most as the three of them started to leave the cafe. Ai could sense warmth shrouding his artificial chest all over again as the three of them got out of the car and walked along the sidewalk around the nearby park, having left the cafe less than 20 minutes ago, surrounded by patches of viridescent grass, flowerbeds and trees that elongated towards the bright azure sky, all illuinated by the illuminating autumn sun. It was a feeling that he would always be grateful for, whether or not his capabilities truly warranted it to be felt. And yet... at the same time...

it was a feeling that Ai was uncertain he deserved to have.

"Ahh, it's really nice to be able to walk around without needing disguises, isn't it?" Reiji remarked, sighing happily.

"Yeap!" Natsuki agreed with a bright smile. "It's not often that we get to do this in public as we're idols. Let's take loads of pictures to preserve even more of these warm memories together, Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan!"

"Aww, of course, Nattsun!"

Ai smiled as Reiji wrapped his arms around both him and Natsuki, and yet the guilt within himself only appeared to worsen amidst the warmth like the rainfall on a bright spring day. He could not seem to let go of his past transgressions, of what he had previously done and not done. He would be reminded of his mistakes when Natsuki smiled at him, the image of how sorrow had glimmered inside his green eyes even when his lips were smiling flickering inside Ai's head like ephemeral sparks that were bound to be burned into memory. And the fact that Natsuki and Reiji kept on giving Ai so much even though Ai had given so little and wasn't sure that he would be capable of giving like they did made a cold ache blossom inside his chest like a flower with petals that were bound to fall within seconds.

_Do I... really deserve all this? These warm memories, these emotions, all that you two have given me?_

Ai nearly lowered his eyes as Reiji laughed, but he concealed his sorrow within a calm expression, not wanting to bring sadness to Natsuki and Reiji on this bright day that marked the end of a broken week.

_Do I... even deserve... you two?_

"Hey, Nattsun, Ai-Ai."

Reiji's voice pulled Ai out of his thoughts and he turned to the oldest out of the three of them, whose grey eyes were filled with confusion.

"Is it just me or are the birds' chirping gettin' really, really loud? Like, much louder than usual?"

They all stopped walking along the curving path of the park and quietly listened. Ai's eyes narrowed in concentration as his ears detected an unusual amount of chirping and tweeting, and Natsuki's eyes widened in realization. Reiji was right. Normally, there would only be a few birds singing at once, but this time, it seemed like there was a multitude of them making their own sounds all at once, as though they were making their own rhapsody, which Ai had never witnessed first-hand. Were the birds somehow celebrating something? Or were they just welcoming them like the kind creatures they were? Because Ai was certain that there was no special occasion. Yet even amidst the trio's confusion, the sounds only amplified and leaves began to rustle loudly, and within seconds, Ai could hear the countless flapping of wings.

"E-Ehh?" Reiji exclaimed, pointing upwards. "They're heading towards us!"

Ai followed the direction of Reiji's index finger and that was when he saw them. A variant of birds with colours ranging from red to yellow to blue to green and a myriad others... they were all soaring together in a massive joint flock, almost appearing to be another form of a rainbow on the sky's portrait and Ai gazed at them, wondering why they were approaching them. In a moment, the birds all swooped down gracefully and it became obvious who they wanted to see.

"Wahh!"

Natsuki laughed as a number of birds perched themselves on his head and his extended right hand, with the rest of them landing on branches or on the ground near him, the small creatures chirping happily.

"I wasn't expecting you guys to come, let alone so many of you!"

"Whoa." Beside Ai, Reiji was staring at Natsuki and his animal companions in astonishment. "I knew that the birds back at the mansion love Nattsun, but I didn't think that he was this popular with them to the point that they'd greet him like this!"

Ai shook his head. "Natsuki is gentle and has the gift of being able to communicate with and understand animals, so I am not surprised that the birds are drawn to him. Even Camus' pet dog Alexander likes him."

Reiji's eyes widened. "Wait, what? The last time I tried to bond with his dog, it bit my hand!"

"Perhaps Alexander is similar to Camus in that sense. Both of them find you annoying to be around."

"Hey!"

"I want to introduce you guys to my friends."

Natsuki turned and faced Reiji and Ai with a warm smile shining in his green eyes.

"These are Rei-chan-senpai and Ai-chan and they're my best friends!"

At once, some of the birds flew towards Reiji and Ai and flapped their wings around them. Reiji's grey eyes widened when a few birds landed on his shoulder and he laughed when a small purple-and-grey hummingbird walked on top of his head. However, none of the birds made any direct contact with Ai. Numerous of them circled in the air around Ai a few times, as though they were examining him, and then either flew back to Natsuki or other places or simply hovered near him. Ai tilted his head in confusion as the birds tweeted again and Natsuki listened to them, unable to understand a single thing that the animals were saying.

"Ohh, I see."

Natsuki smiled gently down at the white canary perched on his index finger which had previously circled around Ai.

"Don't worry. You don't have to be scared, little ones."

"Scared?" Reiji repeated in confusion. "What did the birdies say, Nattsun?"

Natsuki glanced around a few times before facing Reiji and Ai and telling them softly,

"They could tell that Ai-chan isn't human like us."

Ai's eyes widened slightly, a slight pain twinging in his chest, but Natsuki gave him a warm smile.

"But it's alright, Ai-chan. They're just not used to it; that's all. Just give me a bit."

Natsuki looked around at the birds around them and spoke softly and gently, ensuring that no one but the three of them and the birds could hear him.

"You guys are right, but you don't have to be scared, little ones. Ai-chan may not be human like Rei-chan-senpai and I are, but he's a really warm person."

Natsuki's eyes softened as he glanced at Ai.

"Warm, kind and gentle. Trust me."

Ai's eyes widened as Natsuki walked towards him and held out his hand with the white canary towards him, the latter smiling kindly at him.

"Natsuki...?"

Natsuki simply smiled and spoke gently to him.

"Reach out your palm, Ai-chan."

Ai was stunned for a second, but he soon nodded quietly and slowly extended his right hand and opened his palm. Within a moment, the white canary fluttered off Natsuki's finger and slowly landed on Ai's palm. Reiji stepped towards them as the canary took small steps around Ai's palm and soon, the little bird chirped a few times. Unsure what it meant, Ai looked up at Natsuki, only to find a soft smile on his kind face.

"It's starting to like you, Ai-chan."

Ai's eyes widened in surprise as Reiji smiled too, but he soon felt his lips return the smile, oddly glad that the bird took a liking towards him. Then, although neither of the three of them expected it, they all ended up spending quite the amount of time in the company of the birds, listening as they chirped and sang, even conversing with them, with Natsuki translating the birds' language for Reiji and Ai. It turned out that animals, including birds, had the ability to sense whether a person was human or not based on feeling. That was why, Ai now understood, animals had a tendency to distance themselves from him, like Camus' pet dog as well as the birds in the garden of Shining's mansion. Not that Ai blamed them.

_Maybe I never deserved the gentle touch of a kind bird. Maybe I don't deserve even to be warmed by their company. And if they could even sense that I'm not human... perhaps they also think of me as callous? Lacking a strong sense of empathy, compassion and kindness. Devoid of the warmth that it took to console, to heal?_

A wave of sadness fluttered across Ai's chest.

_Well... not that I can deny that myself._

Soon, it was time for the birds to depart. After the three of them thanked the birds and Natsuki told them that he would introduce them to Camus and Ranmaru next time, the birds took flight into the clear blue sky towards the sun, slowly turning into specks of red, green, yellow, white and a myriad of other colours, partially resembling flower petals fluttering in the wind. The white canary that Ai had made contact with before any other bird lingered for a little while, taking a few small steps on his open palm, before chirping a few times and flying off with its companions, and a small smile formed on Ai's face.

"The little canary said that it's looking forward to seeing you again, Ai-chan."

As the three of them walked around the park together, Natsuki placed a hand on Ai's shoulder and smiled warmly.

"I often see it at Shining's mansion, so I'm sure you guys will see each other again soon." His eyes glimmered under the sunshine. "I'm so glad you guys made friends with the birdies. I can't wait to take you guys to the forest and introduce you to more of my animal friends!"

Ai smiled faintly as Reiji beamed and threw an arm around Natsuki, but he could feel a twinge of pain in his chest even as his friends smiled. For a moment, Ai thought of how similar Natsuki was to that white canary. The white canary was the first of the flock of birds to make contact with and accept Ai and did so within moments after Natsuki's reassurance. The actions of that small creature took Ai back to how Natsuki had taken an instant liking to Ai when the Master Course first began, when they and Syo first met. Syo had yelled at Ai for a comment made about his height and protested in disbelief at the schedule that he made for him and Natsuki. Ai was unsurprised; Ai's former students who had dropped out did not have a positive reaction towards him either.

However, Natsuki's reactions, on the other hand, were 100% unexpected.

" _Wahh! The schedule is so artistic!"_

_"Ai-chan is really cute! I'll give you a welcome hug!"_

_"I hope we learn a lot from you and become close buddies, Ai-chan!"_

To be frank, on the day they first met, Ai had easily classified Natsuki as a strange one and a child inside a young man's body. No one had ever took an instant liking to him like Natsuki did, and Ai questioned if Natsuki was simply too optimistic or oblivious. However, Natsuki's unpredictable reactions soon led Ai to observing him even closer and they managed to form a bond with each other, whether or not Ai realized or acknowledged it. His warm acceptance and kindness were akin to those of that white canary; innocuous and filled with utmost sincerity. Yet before the night that Reiji took Natsuki in, Ai had never truly attempted to be kinder, to say thank you for being the Natsuki he was.

_You're too kind, Natsuki. Both you and Reiji._

Ai lowered his eyes slightly.

_Just like that canary, you were so accepting, too readily accepting, even with how indifferent and lacking I was and still am... I..._

Without thinking, Ai reached out and took ahold of Natsuki's arm and stopped walking, the thoughts immersing his head like a cold fog.

_I... I don't deserve it, Natsuki._

"Ai-chan?"

Natsuki's voice was filled with pure confusion as Ai heard his and Reiji's footsteps stop. Ai stared down at his hand holding onto Natsuki's arm, pondering over whether he should just ask him about it directly. He'd wanted to wait for another time. He'd wanted this weekend to be a completely bright one, without any of their sadness or past errors present. Yet... it was too late now, wasn't it? Natsuki and Reiji could probably see the conflict in Ai's eyes now; both of them were too familiar with him to not notice. And they were highly likely becoming more worried as the seconds of silence ticked by. That was what Ai had been trying to avoid. He did not want them to be hurt again, not right after that broken ordeal. He did not want his personal conflict to ruin a day that was supposed to be a warm memory for all of them, even though the problem revolved around both of them. Yet... his thoughts and pain had suppressed those wishes, making all of his efforts futile, useless.

_I..._

"Ai-Ai?"

"Are you okay, Ai-chan?"

_I'm too selfish to even hold back... aren't I?_

"I didn't want... to ruin this bright day."

Ai spoke softly, slowly looking up to make eye-contact with his friends.

"I was trying to avoid causing any sadness for these two days, but... that's what I've done, isn't it?"

When his eyes met theirs, Ai was mildly surprised. Natsuki and Reiji were both staring at him in sheer confusion and worry, clearly oblivious to what Ai was referring to. _So you don't hold how I ruined the atmosphere against me either..._

Ai could sense a cold agony twisting through his chest.

_Why... are you being this kind... to the point that it hurts?_

"What are you talking about, Ai-Ai?" Reiji asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You didn't ruin anything. You're not causing any sadness at all. Isn't that right, Nattsun?"

"Yeap." Natsuki nodded in agreement, smiling faintly at Ai. "But... you look pretty sad, Ai-chan." He looked straight at Ai with sincere concern glimmering in his green eyes. "Did something happen? Would you like to talk to us about it?"

Natsuki gave his other shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"You know we're right here, Ai-chan."

"Yep, that's right, Ai-Ai."

There it was again. That warm kindness that Ai highly doubted he deserved. That kindness that was pulling Ai towards the comfort that he should not even touch and yet couldn't be suppressed. But at this point in time, dismissing the topic would only worry and perhaps even hurt Reiji and Natsuki. He had witnessed how hiding their pain behind smiles had severely wounded both of them and he did not want to make them go through that pain by doing the same. So forming the sentences in his head, Ai decided to ask them the question that had been haunting him throughout the entire morning, the question that he had been holding against himself.

"Please answer me honestly, Natsuki, Reiji."

Ai faced both of them, his voice nearly quiet, but he knew that both of them could hear him as their eyes never left him, their expressions still worried. And the fact that they were worried only made another ache blossom in his chest as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Do I... d-"

However, that was when a yell cut Ai off mid-sentence. A yell that Ai recognized. Yet at the same time, it was voice that Ai did not wish to hear, especially today of all days. Natsuki and Reiji's eyes widened in pure confusion as Ai kept a calm expression on his face, but deep down, Ai could sense the pain seeping like a cold melody in his chest. The owner of that voice was definitely going to bring pain to Natsuki and Reiji, and it was because of Ai. Because that person knew Ai and not in a positive way.

_Why..._

An image of the white canary flickered inside Ai's head and he thought of how many feathers it had lost for people who did not deserve its kindness, like how Natsuki and Reiji had sacrificed for Ai more than he ever deserved.

_Why can't I stop causing them pain... even only for one day?_

_"I'd wished for wings, not a frozen heart"_

\- "Innocent Wind", by Ai Mikaze (Shouta Aoi)


	19. Dandelion

Ai Mikaze

Ai recalled a time when he was confronted and mocked by his own student. It was 8 months before Natsuki and Syo were assigned to him. Shining had tried to assign Ai students who aspired to be idols, hoping that Ai would learn from the experience of working together with people around his age. The professor who had created Ai had also thought that it was a good idea and Ai had no choice but to comply although he would have rather used the time to conduct his extensive research and play computer games. However, one by one, each and every student dropped out, all of them incompetent and incompatible with Ai, either too stressed or too unmotivated to keep up with Ai's tight schedule. His last student before Natsuki and Syo came was a boy named Gin Hikaru. He was passionate about pop and R&B and had quite the stamina and singing and dancing skills. However, his fundamental problem was his arrogance. He thought that talent was all that was required to be the best idol that he could be and often protested against the schedules and assignments that Ai gave, devoid of even the basic level of discipline. And this was precisely the type of person that Ai did not have the patience to work with.

Within 5 days, Ai decided to quit being Gin's mentor and told him directly when he came for his lesson in a secluded café. However, Gin scoffed at him and sneered.

"Finally you choose to drop me. I've been waitin' for you to give up. Not like anyone would wanna be your student anyway."

Ai narrowed his eyes slightly. "... excuse me?"

"You think I came here not knowing what I was in for?" Gin questioned with a sarcastic laugh. "My pals who were taught by you told me all that there is to know. You give ridiculous schedules; you make them work like animals; you give them insane punishments for the smallest of errors." He scoffed haughtily. "You think I came to be taught by someone like you? I just wanted to see how much truth their words held and wow, they were not exaggerating when they said that you were the absolute worst!"

"If you resent me that much," Ai stated bluntly, staring blankly at Gin, "then leave."

"They're all so right."

Gin laughed and pointed straight at Ai's chest, jeering.

"You have no heart."

Before Ai could speak, Ranmaru, who had come to intervene in case the situation ended up problematic and overheard everything, threatened that he would shove his fist against Gin's face if he did not leave. And with Ai placing an arm in front of Ranmaru, Gin laughed and taunted Ai with a mocking "Bye, teacher", before walking away, the sneer remaining on his face. However, Ai knew that he was not wrong about him not having a heart. A heart capable of producing human emotions; an actual, beating heart. Although Gin was referring to Ai's lack of display of emotions rather than his capabilities of having emotions; none of Ai's former students found out that he was a robot with the appearance of a human being. While Ai knew that most of Gin's words were untrue - he was simply doing his job - his last words, the ones that stated that he had no heart - stuck with him even after he met Natsuki, Syo and the rest of Starish, even after Natsuki and Reiji changed him. And he definitely could not forget those words as Gin and 3 other boys sauntered towards him, Natsuki and Reiji in the park, his former student's eyes filled with sheer scorn.

_Not now._

Natsuki and Reiji turned to Ai with deep concern in their eyes and Ai knew that they had already been affected and that they would only be hurt even more when Gin opened his mouth.

_I don't want to ruin... their bright day._

"Oh hey, teacher." Gin sneered, the arrogance in his voice unchanged. "How's it been ever since you gave up on me?"

Gin's sneer widened as his friends smirked.

"Ya been handling anot- no wait, torturing another poor sap who decided to enroll in the Heartless Ai Mikaze Animal Program?"

The four boys all guffawed and Ai could sense pain digging into his chest. It was strange how the words of someone whom he did not care about even the slightest iota affected him to such a painful degree. Particularly the word "heartless". While Ai could not deny that he did not have an actual human heart and still found it strange how he could sense emotions such as pain, joy and guilt despite that fundamental fact, being reminded of all of it never failed to bring him an acute sense of pain. Especially now that Natsuki and Reiji had given him irreplaceable memories and emotions that Ai did not wish to ever see end. Especially now that he...

felt like he actually had one more than he ever had in his entire existence.

"Hold up. Gin, that guy is his student now!"

Ai's eyes widened as the boy on Gin's left pointed at Natsuki, whose green eyes were filled with surprise.

"Natsuki Shinomiya from Starish! He and Syo Kurusu were assigned to that sicko of a teacher!"

"Ohh, I see." Gin sneered and his black eyes shifted over to Natsuki. "Poor you. Looks like whoever you're under made you stuck with that ridiculous sorry-excuse-of-a-teacher, huh? Let me guess. He's hard on you? He could care less about your being? He-"

"No."

Natsuki's voice was quiet but assertive. Ai turned to Natsuki, only to find an unusually-solemn expression on the kind blond's face. His green eyes were filled with hurt as though he was the one who was being scorned at and he glanced at Ai with a worried smile before focusing his eyes on Gin, who scoffed at Natsuki.

"Let me guess. Sucking up to that mentor of yours since you're stuck with him as far as your idol career is concerned-"

"No."

"Are you a dun-"

"You don't understand Ai-chan at all."

His voice louder now, Natsuki shook his head as Reiji placed an arm in front of Ai, both of them protecting him in their own ways. Reiji's normally-cheerful grey eyes darkened while Natsuki's green eyes reflected Ai's pain, and Ai stared as his blond mentee continued, his tone unwavering and unafraid.

"Ai-chan isn't just my mentor. He's also one of the best friends I ever had," Natsuki spoke, his green eyes filled with utter resolve and sincerity. "I've been with Ai-chan for over a year and he's always been there for me no matter what. He's gone out his way to be by my side, guide me and encourage me more times than I can count. He's really warm, gentle, hardworking and kind. Hearing you say that hurts us - both Rei-chan-senpai and me - because you're hurting Ai-chan. Your words are false... and cruel... How can you say that he's heartless..."

Natsuki's voice softened.

"... if he's held and touched my heart so many times?"

Barely suppressing a look of shock, Ai stared at Natsuki, astonished by the deep sincerity of his words. He could sense the warmth that Natsuki and Reiji had granted him countless of times welling up amidst him all over again like the strong scent of a flower, spreading through him gently, shrouding him. Quietly, Ai gave Natsuki's arm a small squeeze, hoping that he understood it as his way of quietly saying "thank you". Natsuki faced him and smiled assuringly before speaking again.

"That's why I won't ever understand why you're being so mean to Ai-chan. But we won't let you guys hurt him. We will p-"

"Moron."

Ai sensed a horrible presentiment sinking inside his chest as Gin spat out the cruel word. "Gin-"

"You freaking moron!" His lips twitching with a sinister snarl, Gin raised his fist and Ai's eyes widened. "Just shut the freaking-"

"Enough."

A hand seized Gin's wrist moments before his fist could come into cold contact with Natsuki's face. Ai, Natsuki, Gin and the other males stared as Reiji gave Gin an icy glare and tightened his hold on the black-eyed boy's wrist, not a single shred of mercy present in the eldest Quartet Night member's grey eyes. Cursing, Gin tried to wrench his wrist free, but Reiji only narrowed his eyes even more and he spoke in a low voice, slowly but coldly.

"Don't you dare say another cold word or try to lay a finger on either of my friends," Reiji told Gin, a dark expression overshadowing his face. "I won't be as forgiving or kind as them. That, I can promise you."

Reiji's hand gripped Gin's wrist even tighter and Ai could see fear flash across his former student's face. However, even if Reiji did notice, he paid the arrogant boy's emotions no heed.

"Understand?"

Quivering, Gin nodded and once Reiji released his wrist, the black-eyed boy scampered away with his friends in tow, not sparing a single glance at Ai, Natsuki or Reiji. Ai stared in silence as their figures shrunk as their distance from him increased. It was an inverse relationship. A relationship which, if represented by an equation, was bound to consist of a negative sign, just like how the more Natsuki defended Ai, the less patience Gin had towards them. A pang of agony pierced Ai on the inside and he did not bother to try and suppress it or conceal it. And now both Natsuki and Reiji had been dragged into his past with Gin and afflicted by it. They had both defended him and now the more Ai thought of it, of how Natsuki had stood up for Ai and how Reiji had warned Gin to stay away from all of them, of how the day's brightness had faded away thanks to this incident...

the less that he felt that he deserved to be with them.

"Thank you for protecting me, Rei-chan-senpai."

"Of course, Nattsun." The hostile expression in Reiji's grey eyes had dissipated and was replaced by a sincere gentleness and he rubbed Natsuki on the right shoulder with a light smile. "We all look out for one another and that was no exception. No way was I letting him and his friends have their way with you or Ai-Ai."

"Yeap," Natsuki said with a small nod, smiling gently. He turned to Ai and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, his green eyes glimmering with worry. "But are you okay, Ai-chan? That must have been really painful for you."

"And you look pretty sad," Reiji remarked, his grey eyes concerned. "Is there something else on your mind too?"

"I..."

Ai's voice was barely above a whisper and he lowered his eyes, uncertain as to how to even start. He was again reminded of the fact that he would never be accustomed to the feeling of uncertainty, especially that when it came to his own friends, and the feeling hurt him on the inside as he tried to find the right words. However, his friends' empathy ceased his struggle for a moment when Reiji spoke again.

"How about we talk about this in the car?"

Ai slowly looked up at Reiji, who gave him a kind smile.

"You look like you've got some thinking to do. And besides, we don't want your students leading the paparazzi or anyone else towards us and creating a ruckus when today's supposed to be a good one for all of us."

"Rei-chan-senpai is right, Ai-chan."

Natsuki rubbed Ai's shoulder softly and gave him a gentle smile.

"Just take all the time you need, Ai-chan. We're not leaving you."

Ai stared at Reiji and Natsuki for a few seconds, hardly able to believe how understanding they were still being despite what had happened, but soon he gave them a quiet nod and a soft "Okay." Natsuki and Reiji smiled and the three of them proceeded to walk towards the direction of Reiji's green car. Ai walked in between them, with Natsuki's arm wrapped around his shoulders and Reiji's hand patting him on the back assuringly. Ai interpreted it as a sign of both friendship and protection, neither of which he was certain that he truly deserved, especially from them.

_You're still... being too kind, Natsuki, Reiji._

Within 5 minutes of walking, they reached the car and while Reiji took his position on the driver's seat, Natsuki decided to sit at the back with Ai this time. Natsuki gave Ai a half-hug before pulling his arm off him, but kept a gentle hand on his left shoulder. Once the doors were shut and the car had been revved up, Reiji looked over his shoulder and his and Natsuki's eyes were focused on Ai. Ai looked around at both of them and tried to start, not wanting to keep them waiting although they had said that they did not mind.

"Reiji. Natsuki."

He lowered his eyes for an ephemeral moment, trying to form the right sentences, trying to decide on what to say first. These dilemmas were true examples on what his data was incapable of giving him answers to. But even if data had the answer, simply stating what the data told him rather than forming an answer that he truly meant was rigid and lacked what Ranmaru called a "soul", right? And Natsuki and Reiji deserved better than that, even if Ai did not deserve them. Slowly raising his eyes from the soft grass, he faced them and said what he wanted and needed to say.

And that... was what he truly felt.

"Thank you and... I'm sorry."

Reiji Kotobuki

Reiji's eyes immediately widened when he heard the words slip quietly through Ai's lips. He stared at Ai, whose blue eyes shifted to the ground, unable to comprehend him. He knew why Ai would be saying "thank you", but him apologizing was completely out of the blue. From all the years he had known Ai, Reiji knew that Ai was not someone who apologized easily and without a strong reason. Ai could be apologizing because of what had happened earlier in the park, but Reiji had a strong feeling in his gut that there was something else and there was a high chance that it was related to what Ai had wanted to say to them before Gin interrupted them.

"Sorry...?" Natsuki repeated, his eyes filled with the confusion that Reiji felt. "Why are you saying sorry, Ai-chan?"

Reiji leaned towards Ai and Natsuki even more as Ai stared down at his lap silently.

"Because I..."

Slowly, Ai looked deeply into Natsuki and Reiji's eyes, the warm daylight amidst them completely engulfed by a heavy fog of unspoken emotions and words, and the sadness in his blue eyes only made Reiji even more worried about his friend.

"I don't deserve... to be with you two."

At once, shock and anguish struck Reiji like a knife to the heart and his eyes widened in disbelief as Natsuki's green ones did the same.

"Ai-Ai..." Reiji barely managed to mutter.

Ai lowered his eyes again, avoiding their stares.

"Ai-chan... that's not-"

"Gin was incorrect about a number of things, but he was not wrong when he said that I am heartless," Ai continued, his voice quiet. "Until now, my errors from the past, specifically during the time that I lived with you in the Master Course, have been occupying my head, giving me a sense of 'guilt' that I never thought would affect me this much but I have decided that I deserve for the pain that I caused."

"But it's okay, Ai-Ai-"

"It's not, Reiji," Ai interrupted Reiji, shaking his head once. "Research tells me that if you make an error, you are to compensate for it. And I desire to do so not for the mere sake of compensation or redemption, but because I care about both of you. Yet... the fact that I do not have an actual beating heart, an adequate level of kindness, empathy and understanding towards others, only seems to discourage me, to remind me of my failures and deficiencies... I wished for today to be a bright one, devoid of any pain or sadness, and yet I... I could not conceal my personal conflict and that was followed by the two of you being dragged into Gin's personal vendetta against me. That's why I feel that... I don't deserve to be with you two, that you deserve better than me."

Ai placed his hand over the left side of his chest and clutched it slightly.

"That's why...I'm sorry, Natsuki, Reiji."

By the time Ai stopped speaking, the car was immersed in a cold, heavy silence, filled with nothing but sheer, excruciating sorrow, remorse and hurt. Reiji couldn't help the agony torturing his heart as Natsuki wrapped his arm around Ai in the rear-view mirror, the blond Starish member's kind green eyes glistening with pure sorrow. Ai was wrong. Yes, Ai made mistakes in the past, but all of them did make mistakes at some point. Not only that, but Ai did not seem to understand how much he'd given them. How much he had been by their side whether he realized it or not. How much emotion and heart he actually had, even if he did not have an actual human one like they did. More than anything, Reiji wanted to alleviate that guilt that Ai was suffering, and he knew that Natsuki wanted to do the same. They all knew that Ai was not used to emotions, let alone "guilt", and Reiji and Natsuki wanted to help him through it, to heal him and assure him until he believed he deserved them.

_If there's anything that you don't deserve, Ai-Ai... i_ _t's that guilt, that pain._

Reiji's heart clenched as he gripped the steering wheel even tighter, unable to bear the sight of Ai this tortured.

_But_ _would_ _you believe us... if we told you that?_

"You don't understand... Ai-chan."

Natsuki's gentle voice was flooded with sadness as he gave Ai's shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"You don't understand how much you've been there for us. Not just after you, Rei-chan-senpai and the other senpais found me that night, but before that. During the Master Course too. I meant every word that I said back when your former student was making fun of you, Ai-chan. And both of us - Rei-chan-senpai and I - we want you to believe it, because it's true and you deserve to be with us."

Reiji nodded with a light smile as Ai stared at the both of them. However, Ai soon shook his head with a weak smile.

"You're being too kind. Both of you."

"Nope, we're not," Reiji replied, shaking his head. "We're simply doing what best friends do and that is being here for one another and making sure that they believe in themselves."

"That's why you're too-"

"Rei-chan-senpai is right," Natsuki agreed, giving Ai a sincere smile. "That's why we won't stop until you understand, Ai-chan. Because you're a kind, gentle and loving friend and you deserve to know that that's the Ai-chan you've always been to us, and we want you to believe that, to believe us." He turned to Reiji and asked, "Rei-chan-senpai, may I input the coordinates for the next place? There's a place that I believe Ai-chan needs to see."

Ai started to disagree. "Natsuki, there is no need to-"

"Oh ho ho!" Reiji grinned, catching on. "I see you're up to something to help our cute and lovely Ai-Ai, Nattsun! Feel free to go on ahead and take the reins this time; no one's holdin' ya back!"

Ai's eyes were wide with utter confusion and surprise as Reiji lent Natsuki his viridian cellphone and the latter typed in the coordinates for the next place. Reiji barely stifled a laugh; Ai had no idea how cute he looked with that kind of expression on his face. When Natsuki returned Reiji's cellphone and he looked at the coordinates, a wide smile spread across his face, having a clearer idea on what Natsuki wanted to show Ai.

"Natsuki, Reiji, what are you-"

"Off we go, my loves!"

Reiji stepped on the accelerator and the car started to move along the road, past the park where they had met Natsuki's bird companions and ran into Ai's former student, towards their new destination.

_Guilt. That's such a cruel emotion. It comes and goes as it wishes and yet it's still there. It constantly reminds you of the damage that has been caused, the mistakes that can never be undone, what has been lost and broken and can never be the same and perhaps, can never be healed and made up for, no matter how hard you try._ _Neither of you deserve to own such a cruel thing, Nattsun, Ai-Ai. And I will make sure that you both don't ever have to, and that includes now._

Reiji held onto the steering wheel a little tighter and smiled slightly as he looked into the rear-view mirror. Natsuki's arm remained wrapped around Ai and he was smiling softly at the younger male. Ai, who had given up on trying to find out what Natsuki was planning, managed to smile faintly despite the pain that he must still be suffering on the inside. Just seeing them smile... lit a warm fire inside Reiji's heart, even amidst the wounds that would ache as they pleased.

_I don't ever want you... to shoulder that same burden... that has never left me._

Satsuki Shinomiya

_So you do get it, android._

Satsuki closed his eyes.

_For an android, you have quite the guts to admit_ _your mistakes and guilt, neither of which that short kid and the rest of those imbeciles will ever own up to. I'll give ya that._

Satsuki watched from deep within Natsuki as Ai looked out the car window, noting the contemplation in the human-like android's blue eyes. He was not gonna lie; Ai was one of the people that he had always been the angriest towards when it came to Natsuki being hurt. Satsuki had already started developing a dislike towards Ai when the android was first introduced to the Starish members and gave them an emotionless stare. He was not a person that could be trusted with Natsuki's feelings, Satsuki had immediately decided. Not in the slightest. And his impression was proven to be correct when Ai was shown to lack even the most basic displays of kindness, empathy and understanding of emotions, but what Satsuki despised the most was how Ai had chosen to do nothing when Natsuki was clearly hurt, even though the blond male did not explicitly say it. That was why he had been the hardest on Ai among all those sorry-excuses-of-seniors; he failed Natsuki and did not even realize it until it was too late. But whether Satsuki liked it or not, he could sense his rage and resentment towards the teal-haired, young android slowly disappearing at the fact that he did acknowledge his mistakes and actually seemed to mean his confession.

_No_ _w you actually get it and have confessed it all out loud to Natsuki. That you don't deserve him. That your mistakes and indifference hurt him all this time. So then..._

Satsuki clenched one fist.

_Why on earth doesn't he get it?_

Satsuki wasn't half-deaf. Inside of Natsuki, Satsuki did not just witness Ai's confession, but the whole conversation between the android, the clown, and Natsuki. That meant that Satsuki had heard every kind word that Natsuki had told Ai, and he could hardly believe his ears. Where on earth did Natsuki get the idea that that android had always been there for him, including during that Master Course? How on earth could Natsuki say and believe that Ai was kind and caring when the latter had simply let him walk away and suffer on his own for months of living in the same room? Satsuki knew more than anything how kind-hearted Natsuki had always been, even to the people who had wronged him in too many ways, but that did not mean that Satsuki was not bewildered and incredulous beyond imagination.

_Even the android said it himself that you're too kind, and that's the plain truth. But you disagree. You keep protecting him, believing in him, like how the emotions in your heart stopped me when I lashed out at him and the rest of those senpais. And now you're going so far to make him believe that he's been there for you, to believe in what you believe in and what you're not supposed to believe._

Satsuki observed as Natsuki's arm remained wrapped around Ai's shoulders and from his view, he could see that the blond that he was supposed to protect was smiling gently at Ai, at someone who did not deserve his smile. And it only intensified the confusion and frustration spinning inside the alter ego's mind. They may share the same body, but they sure did not have the same freaking thoughts.

Satsuki gritted his teeth.

_What do you think you're doing, Natsuki?_

Ai Mikaze

"This is rather odd to me."

"Hmm? How so, Ai-Ai?"

"Because I'm the one who usually makes sure that Natsuki does not get lost when we go somewhere together," Ai replied. "And now you and Natsuki are the ones leading the way."

Reiji and Natsuki laughed and Ai smiled a little. After an approximately 1-hour-and-14-minute-long drive, they had arrived at their destination, which Ai had yet to identify. With Natsuki's hands over his eyes and Reiji pulling his arm, Ai was led towards where Natsuki was guiding them to, still clueless as to what his blond kouhai was planning. He could sense the warmth radiating from Natsuki's large hands as he continued walking, hoping that Reiji did not make him stumble again. In less than a minute, Ai felt gentle wind sweep past his clothes and caress his face and his nose detected the aromatic scent of flowers, and Natsuki's voice filled his ears.

"Let's stop here, Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan!"

"You got it, Nattsun!" Reiji released Ai's arm and a happy sigh was heard from the brunet. "Ahh... You really know where the best sceneries are, don't ya, Nattsun?"

Natsuki chuckled. "This is the kind of place I really like going to." Ai could hear the smile in Natsuki's voice. "And you can open your eyes now, Ai-chan."

Ai opened his eyes as Natsuki lifted his hands off his face, and the brightness blinded him for a moment, dots of white swimming in his eyesight. Ai squinted slightly, allowing his eyes to adjust to the change in brightness, and within seconds, his vision cleared and he was taken by surprise. The three of them were standing in the middle of flower meadows which Ai was 100% certain he had never visited or heard of. Tiny pink, lilac and yellow petals floated and fluttered delicately in the breeze, up into the air, down to the oceans of multi-coloured flowers on which the sunlight spilled onto, making it seem like the petals themselves were luminous, glowing, and the trees were ornamented by vivid red and orange leaves that gave a sense of warmth amidst autumn. The park was filled with trees and flowers too, but while the park gave the impression of an unburdened, relaxing simplicity, the meadows, on the other hand, gave the thought that if spring and autumn could exist simultaneously, this was the place that it would happen. Ai felt his lips curve into a slight smile as he slowly took in the view, his unzipped lilac hoodie flowing gently in the breeze, and he could sense guilt prickling him at how much he was relishing in the scenery, in this new memory.

Yet a question remained.

Ai saw Natsuki glancing around the area, the blond male seeming to be looking for something.

What did Natsuki want to show Ai?

"Natsuki?"

Natsuki glanced at Ai and gave him a brief smile before his eyes widened and he ran along the meadows. Reiji glanced at Ai and let out a chuckle before the two of them ran after Natsuki, the brunet calling out to the blond. Natsuki looked over his shoulder and smiled without saying a word, and it only puzzled Ai even more. By the time they reached Natsuki, he was crouching down, his back facing them. However, in 5 seconds, Natsuki got up and turned to face them, and Ai noticed that he was holding something in his right hand.

"Take one each, guys."

Natsuki spoke gently, holding out his right hand, and Reiji and Ai nodded and reached out to take what the blond was holding. They were dandelions. White, puffy dandelions. According to Ai's database, dandelions, also known as Taraxacum officinale, produced specialized seeds which had a design that was unique and beneficial for dispersal, and those seeds were the white floaties on the seed head of the flower. Holding the stem carefully between his right hand's thumb and index finger, Ai looked at Natsuki, trying to figure out what he could be going with this. However, Natsuki had always been one of the most difficult to predict; a great deviance from the data. But there was one symbolic action that was normally associated with dandelions, and that was to blow against it.

Except that Ai had no clue as to what Natsuki was attempting to show him if that were the case.

"Ai-chan, Rei-chan-senpai."

Reiji and Ai faced Natsuki, who gave them a gentle smile.

"Try blowing against your dandelions slowly and gently."

Reiji nodded with a smile while Ai stared at Natsuki in confusion, unable to comprehend the latter.

"Natsuki, why are you-"

"Please."

Natsuki insisted softly, giving him a faint smile.

"You'll know once it happens. I'm sure of it."

Reiji smiled and looked at Ai and within seconds, the latter nodded, although he was rather accustomed to knowing precisely what he was doing and the reason that he was doing so. But then again, Ai let Reiji and Natsuki take him here without knowing where exactly they were headed, so he could not really be surprised. Upon Natsuki's gentle instructions, Ai faced the broad expanse of flowers and placed the dandelion less than 5 centimetres away from his lips as Reiji did the same and Natsuki smiled softly.

"Blow against them gently, guys."

Slowly, Ai blew against the puffy white flower and the seeds fluttered off the head, quietly flowing across the air and away from one another like a canary's white feathers, gracefully, delicately. The seeds from Reiji's dandelion did the same and he, Ai and Natsuki observed as the feather-like seeds were swept softly by the silent breeze, up into the sky, down onto the myriad of flowers. Perhaps it was their resemblance to feathers that made it so, but Ai felt like there was something intricate about the sight of the dandelion seeds flying before his eyes, about how they let themselves be swept by the wind, carried to wherever the wind took them, devoid of any rigidity or confinement. There was quite the delicacy about it, about that silent movement, but... at the same time...

... it felt powerful, impacting. In ways that could not truly be put into words.

Just as Ai got absorbed by the delicacy of the moment, the breeze suddenly grew stronger like a quiet lullaby transforming into a song that was chanted to be heard. Ai's eyes widened as his teal hair and lilac hoodie swayed in the air, uncertain as to whether this was a mere coincidence or not, this particular event absent from his database. The sounds of leaves rustling rang in the clear air and he glanced around and saw that while Reiji's eyes wide with surprise, Natsuki was smiling brightly.

_It's not a coincidence... is it, Natsuki?_

With the wind's strength rising as the seconds faded by, Natsuki turned to Reiji and Ai and his smile brightened.

_If so... then what..._

"Wait a... Ehh?"

Reiji let out a yell of shock and in less than a moment, Ai's eyes dilated. Countless petals of a myriad of colours from vivid shades of red, orange, yellow and white to red, pink and lavender fluttered and rose up into the bright azure sky like butterfly wings, some swept up by the powerful breeze, the others too unnatural to be truly explained. From the treetops, red, orange and brown leaves floated and soared down and spun with the butterfly-like petals in what nearly appeared to be an interminable dance, creating a flurry of moving colours that dyed the landscape above the meadows, their own melody. Without Ai realizing it until now, the daylight brightened and started to dye the blue sky with yellow and white glows, and they made the petals in the air and the flowers beneath the trio's feet scintillate in their glow like the petals were luminous themselves. Clusters and rows of blue, white, indigo, pink and other-coloured flowers of a myriad of different kinds shone throughout every inch of the meadows while the petals kept rising and flying up in the air, dancing along the wind in a harmony that was beautiful and unnatural at once, and Ai felt something tug at his chest, warm and evocative at the same time.

_Like this emotion... it's unexplainable and yet..._

Ai stared up at the petals that dispersed and fluttered in the yellow-and-white glowing sky.

_... it's beautiful... isn't it?_

"I'm so glad you guys like it."

"Like it?" Reiji repeated as Ai slowly turned his eyes away from the sight and faced his friends. The oldest out of the three of them was smiling happily. "This is amazing, Nattsun! I never even thought for a moment that such a thing could happen, even with Myu-chan being able to use ice magic and stuff! How did you find out about this place and how this works?"

"Some of my animal friends told me about it about a year before," Natsuki explained, smiling gently. "They said that there were these beautiful flower meadows where something special happened when you blow against a dandelion flower. They didn't tell me what happened after you blew the flower either; they said that it was a surprise, and it shocked me. And..."

Natsuki's green eyes crinkled softly in the warm sunlight as he looked at his friends.

"Something about it warmed and moved my heart, like a deep, precious memory, even though it was my first time here. And I told myself that the next time I came, I would bring the people that I love and care about, the people that moved and warmed my heart. That's why I took you guys here today. Because I love and care about you guys so much... and I know you guys care about me and love me... for who I am... and I..."

Ai's eyes widened as he stared at Natsuki, emotions that he was uncertain he should have or even deserve welling up inside his chest like a waterfall in reverse.

"I want to say thank you, Ai-chan, Rei-chan-senpai. This is also... my way of saying it. Of saying that my heart is bright and filled with colour because of you two. Because you gently blew against those dandelions and let their seeds fly, and made the petals inside my heart rise up and colour my sky. And the flowers in my heart are glowing too... because of you."

Natsuki placed his hand over his chest and smiled genuinely at Reiji and Ai, his blond hair caressed by the gentle wind as pink and white petals flowed by, his green eyes filled with pure innocence and emotion. Standing near Ai, Reiji was smiling softly.

"And it glows the brightest when we are all together."

"Aww, Nattsun!"

Ai smiled as Reiji threw himself onto Natsuki and hugged the blond tightly with a bright smile on his face. Chuckling, Natsuki hugged Reiji back with a warm smile and looked at Ai, who observed them.

"Ai-chan?"

As Reiji and Natsuki pulled away from each other, Ai lowered his eyes, guilt prickling his chest, knowing that he did not deserve that kindness.

"Natsuki, I-"

"I also wanted you to understand... that you've been blowing those dandelion flowers for so long, Ai-chan."

A hand was placed on Ai's right shoulder and he looked up to face Natsuki, who smiled kindly at him.

"I did not-"

"You helped me through the Master Course a lot to, Ai-chan," Natsuki spoke, his eyes gentle. "You did so much for me, even if you didn't realize it. Even if you thought they weren't a really big deal, they gave me warmth, light and colour. Like how you checked my temperature and looked after me when I was sick and even let me fall asleep on your shoulder on the way back home. How you let me leave when I needed time to be alone. How you held my hand when we went to new places to make sure that I did not get lost. How you told me to stop practising when I had a fever and was too tired, and told Syo-chan and the others to be quiet when I tried to sleep. How you never minced your words when you thought I needed to improve and always aimed for the best for me. And so, so much more, Ai-chan."

Natsuki's words radiated within Ai's being, but Ai clutched his chest a little, reminded of one of his greatest errors when it came to his friend. "But Natsuki... I should have asked if you were okay instead of letting you leave. I should have... I should have been-"

"It's okay, Ai-chan."

Giving Ai's shoulder a reassuring squeeze, Natsuki let out a small chuckle and his green eyes behind his glasses smiled at Ai.

"Even though you didn't... you were still there for me anyway. And knowing that gives me a reason to smile everyday."

Ai's eyes dilated and for a brief moment, something warm welled up at the back of his eyes, only for that feeling to fade in an instant. _Wait... was that..._ But not wanting to analyze it at this moment, Ai put the thought away to be retrieved later and saw both Natsuki and Reiji smiling genuinely at him, with their lips and eyes. Even if that feeling behind his eyes was evanescent, fleeting... the warmth shrouding his chest wasn't... and it was spreading through him like the daylight, glowing through him like Natsuki's words and emotions. He held his chest more gently, slowly giving his best friends a smile. It was small... but Ai meant it with every bit of his existence.

Reiji wrapped an arm around him with a happy chortle and Natsuki's eyes brightened.

And Ai was glad... that they knew it too without him needing to verbally say it.

"Oh! And another thing, Ai-chan!"

Natsuki reached down towards his sling bag and took out the blue penguin plushie that he had cuddled with the night before and brought with him from the start of the day. Beaming brightly, Natsuki held it out to Ai, who furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"I've been meaning to give this to you, Ai-chan, and I think now's the right time! So this is for you, Ai-chan!"

Ai's eyes widened in sheer surprise as he stared at the blue penguin plushie and Reiji's smile widened. "You're giving this... to me?"

"Yeap!"

"Do you mind telling me why?" Ai tilted his head in curiosity.

Natsuki shook his head with a smile.

"This penguin reminds me a lot of you, Ai-chan!"

"Pfft!" Reiji burst out laughing and Natsuki smiled awkwardly while Ai narrowed his eyes at the brunet. "Sorry, sorry! I know that I shouldn't take it literally, but the sentence alone is just-"

Starting to get annoyed at his band member, Ai raised a hand and smacked Reiji on the left side of his head, earning a yelp of pain from the brunet.

"Ouchie!"

Natsuki's eyes widened, but Ai simply ignored Reiji and shifted his attention back to the blond kouhai.

"Carry on, Natsuki."

"Ai-Ai is so mean..."

"So many people say that you're cold, Ai-chan," Natsuki continued after looking at Reiji for a few more seconds in concern, which was something that Ranmaru and Camus would never do when it came to such a matter. "Cold, strict and never shows much emotion or heart. It's a little like how they say that penguins are cold as they live in the coldest places." Natsuki smiled as he hugged the penguin plushie against his chest. "But deep down, you're a really warm and caring person and friend, Ai-chan, just like a penguin's huddle and hug."

Recovered from Ai's inflicted pain, Reiji beamed as Ai stared at Natsuki, the teal-haired mentor's chest flowing with emotion yet again.

"Natsuki..." he uttered quietly.

"So this is for you, Ai-chan," Natsuki said, holding out the plushie with a bright smile. "Take good care of Pina, okay?"

Silently, Ai nodded and reached out for the plushie, which Natsuki gave with a blissful smile. He looked down at the furry blue penguin plushie, at its round black eyes that faced him with a smile on its beak. Having zero experience with owning a plushie, Ai squeezed it from its sides a bit, and he noted how soft the plushie was and how it somehow gave a sense of comfort. He squeezed it again and doing so somehow managed to make the corner of his lips curve up into a small smile. And the thought that Natsuki gave it to him and trusted him with it made Ai even warmer and it was only then he realized that the guilt that had been torturing him was gone.

"Aww! Ai-chan, you and Pina look so adorable toge- Wahh!"

Ai pulled Natsuki into a gentle hug, wrapping his arms around the taller blond. He could tell that Natsuki was surprised, but within moments, Ai felt a pair of strong arms return the hug, tight yet gentle at the same time. Something about the emotions that had been coursing throughout Ai made him decide to hug Natsuki, or perhaps it was the emotions themselves? However, whichever one it was, Ai couldn't help but smile as he held Natsuki tighter, sincerely grateful, whether he had a heart or not, that he could be with Natsuki and Reiji, that he had what he had, regardless of what he did and did not do.

"Thank you... Natsuki," Ai spoke quietly.

He heard Natsuki chuckle a little as the latter wrapped his arms around him tighter and rubbed his back.

"You know, Ai-chan... that's the first time you started the hug."

"Yep, Nattsun's got that right!" Reiji chimed in and Ai could feel the brunet wrap an arm around him, joining the hug. Ai's lips eased into a faint smile as he heard the smiles in his friends' voices.

"Even if you don't know it, you truly make everything even more colourful."

Ai could hear Natsuki smile and even though he regretted how it'd taken too long for the blond to be able to truly smile like that nearly as much, the fact that he could do so now was more than enough for Ai, and that was because of him and Reiji, because they got him to understand that the dandelions, even with how small they were, brought colour and warmth to life, even if they did not realize it.

"It's because of you guys... that my memories have colours. Thank you, Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan."

"Always, Nattsun."

"Yeah."

Ai smiled.

"As long as we're together, the colours will always be there, Natsuki."

Satsuki Shinomiya

_So you brought them here... Natsuki._

Satsuki watched as Natsuki, Reiji and Ai stood beside one another in the center of the flower meadows, the trio enjoying one another's company.

_You're real close to that day from years ago, even though you don't get it at all. That day in a place that looked so much like this one, with the flowers and wind and miracle. That day you laid in that place, buried in the flowers, one last time. That day you cried and the memories were all locked away in your heart, forgotten for you to be protected, to be freed of the sorrow and pain that shattered your heart and gave birth to me. The day everything ended and began at once._

Although the memories were away from Natsuki's reach, Satsuki had kept them, away from the kind-hearted blond that he was to protect, making sure that they couldn't be brought back to the surface if all they did would harm Natsuki. Satsuki knew the memories, but Natsuki had forgotten them. Just like the ones that broken free from the trauma that had suppressed them in the first place back when Satsuki tried to force his way out of Natsuki. Natsuki had been tortured by the sight of them without even knowing what they meant, but after Satsuki was pulled back by Natsuki's emotions, the memories were pulled back and Natsuki could no longer recall them when he woke up, not even that ocean. Satsuki had always deemed him as unprepared to face that trauma, those cruel memories, but as he watched Natsuki, who had taken Reiji and Ai to this special place that he had never taken anyone else, Satsuki began to wonder.

Was this a sign... that Natsuki's ready?

Ready to remember at least a little? To know why?

Natsuki pulled both Reiji and Ai down to the clusters of flowers with him and the three of them laughed, and Satsuki couldn't help but want to let it be despite his high level of distrust towards people who got close to Natsuki. The clown and android... Should Satsuki really trust them with Natsuki's feelings and heart? With uncertainty whirling inside of him, the alter ego narrowed his eyes and recalled those traumatic memories that belonged to the one that he was supposed to protect, that pain, that grief, that betrayal that the blond who had never wanted to hurt anyone had had to suffer alone.

_If I really let him remember..._

Satsuki grimaced a little.

_... I just... don't want him to break again._

Ranmaru Kurosaki

In his apartment, Ranmaru was playing his bass guitar, enjoying the peace and alone time that he did not normally get to have.

Strumming the strings with his eyes narrowed in concentration, Ranmaru played however his heart desired to, from one beat to another, from one song to another, not caring the slightest bit about idol standards and whatever the public thought he should and should not be tuning in to. Here, he did not have to hear the ice prick argue with him about music taste or Reiji complaining about their lack of group activities or feel like punching ridiculous kouhais in the face, and Ranmaru was more than grateful for the break. But speaking of Reiji, that noisy brunet had sent a photo to the Quartet Night groupchat in the morning. Putting his bass aside, Ranmaru grabbed his phone and tapped on the screen until he found that photo. It was a photo of Reiji, Ai and Natsuki.

 _They look... happy_ , had been Ranmaru's first thought when he saw the trio standing close to one another, Reiji's arms wrapped around both Natsuki and Ai, the glow of the sunrise behind them. As Ranmaru looked at the photo again, he couldn't help but grin a little. As much as they were a trio of their own, Ranmaru couldn't help but be happy for them. After such a rough week with Natsuki's band members' loads of junk and the alter ego complications and their suffering, Natsuki, Reiji and Ai definitely deserved to be as happy as they looked in that photo, although Ranmaru would never say it to their face, especially to Reiji; that brunet would not let that die down. Seriously, even Ai was smiling, and that was a great big deal there. Right below the photo, Reiji had sent a text saying, _How about we all hang out together another day?_ _All five of us - the Quartet Night boys and Nattsun?_ As usual, Ranmaru and Camus had turned down the invitation, which triggered complaints from the eldest member of Quartet Night, but looking at the photo...

It didn't seem to be such a lowsy idea, did it-

His phone vibrated, snapping him out of his thoughts, and Ranmaru's eyes widened in confusion at the notification. There was an update in Quartet Night's official Twitter account? Frowning, he tapped on the notification, and he gaped at what was being displayed before his very eyes.

_What on freaking earth?_

Reiji Kotobuki

"If it isn't too much of me to ask... is it alright if we come here again tomorrow? To this part of the city?"

"Of course it's alright, Ai-chan," Natsuki answered as he and Reiji laughed in response to Ai's question. He smiled gently at Ai. "You can always tell us where you want to go and the three of us will go together!"

"Yeap!" Reiji agreed, winking at Ai with a broad smile. "Just say the word and the road is set, Ai-Ai!"

Ai smiled a little and nodded. Time had flown by and the day had reached its evening. After leaving the flower meadows, the three of them had lunch at a nearby bistro that had perked Ai's interest and strolled around the green side of the city, going wherever they wanted, taking pictures while laughing, smiling and chatting about the topics that came to mind. And now the three of them were seated in Reiji's car, with Natsuki next to Ai, the car stopped in front of the tea shop where they had just purchased teabags for themselves and Ranmaru and Camus. Reiji and Ai had let Natsuki take the lead on this one, amazed by the blond's vast knowledge of the different varieties of tea and their effects. And now Reiji's body was rejuvenated and rearing to continue their hangout thanks to the lavender tea that Natsuki had recommended for them to try.

"But today ain't over yet, my loves!" Reiji pointed out with a bright smile, holding the steering wheel with his right hand as he looked over his shoulder at his best friends. "We still got-"

Vzzt!

Reiji was interrupted by the vibration of his cellphone in his black denim jacket's pocket. Now that was strange. In order for the phone to not cause any distractions, Reiji had put all of its notifications other than calls from a number of particular people on mute. Glancing at Natsuki and Ai, who looked at him in understanding, Reiji looked at the caller ID and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he picked up the call.

"Hello?"

"Reiji, I'm right to assume that Natsuki and Ai are with you now, right?" Ranmaru's voice came out of the phone.

"Yeap," Reiji said, facing his best friends. "They're with me, Ran-Ran. What's up?"

"If you all are still calm right now, you must not know yet."

"Know what?" Reiji asked, puzzled, and Ai frowned a little.

"Put me on speaker." He did as Ranmaru said and the silver-haired male's voice got even louder. "All of you, go to the Quartet Night Twitter account now, and Reiji, don't hang up."

"Okay, Maru-chan-senpai."

Natsuki and Ai immediately took their phones out and went to Twitter. Reiji leaned towards Natsuki to see what Ranmaru was talking about and the moment the latest update appeared on the screen, his eyes widened in shock and confusion.

"Ehh?" Reiji exclaimed.

The update stated that Quartet Night was having a solo song project, and yet Shining Saotome had never said anything about it. Reading through the details, Reiji could hardly believe what he was seeing, that Shining went on ahead and announced this project to the whole world without notifying them. Ai and Natsuki looked as confused and surprised as Reiji did and from the speaker, Ranmaru was cursing, ranting about what on earth Shining was up to this time.

"Wait... Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru, look at the criteria and the due date for the solo songs to be released."

"What about them, Ai-Ai?" Reiji asked, looking down at the words on Natsuki's phone screen.

"If I'm not mistaken..."

Ai narrowed his eyes.

"... aren't they the exact same as Starish's, except that our announcement came out later than Starish's?"

"What the freaking-" Ranmaru cursed loudly as Reiji and Natsuki's eyes widened in shock. "Natsuki, is what Ai's saying right?"

Natsuki quickly went to Starish's Twitter account and Reiji's heart thudded in his chest as the blond kouhai's green eyes slowly widened in pure astonishment.

"What is it, Nattsun?"

"The details..." Natsuki slowly replied, "are exactly the same, Rei-chan-senpai."

"The actual-" Ranmaru cursed again. "Just what truck did Shining decide to ram into our faces this time?

"I have to admit that I am starting to be rather suspicious regarding this."

Reiji and Natsuki turned to Ai, whose teal eyes were narrowed even more than before.

"If we think about it..." Ai spoke, "isn't it too much to be a coincidence that both Starish and Quartet Night are assigned to the exact same projects, with the only difference being the times the announcements were announced?"

"So what are you suggesting, Ai?" Ranmaru asked, his voice edged with frustration. "Whaddya think the old man's sneaky mind up to?"

Suddenly, all their cellphones vibrated at the same time. Reiji's eyes widened when he saw that the notification was from the Shining Stars, which was what Starish and Quartet Night were called as a collective whole, Twitter account. As Ranmaru let out a curse in shock, Natsuki pressed the notification, and almost immediately when they saw what the update was, the latter, Reiji and Ai all stared in utter disbelief and bewilderment, unable to believe what their boss had planned without them.

"Ehh?" Reiji and Natsuki yelled at the same time, and even Ai was stunned.

On the update, there was a photo and on that photo's Prussian blue backdrop dotted with silver and golden stars and glitter, in big, bold letters in rainbow colours were the words:

**STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT**

THE NEW SHINING STARS PROJECT

WITH NEW SUB-UNITS, SONGS, HARMONIES, LIVE PERFORMANCES, MUSIC VIDEOS AND MORE

Watch the 11 stars join together and light a fire to the skies even brighter than ever before across the span of the next four months crossing over to the new year, with harmonies, music and emotions overflowing from every inch of their hearts and souls

Ranmaru cursed repeatedly and Reiji couldn't help but gap as he read the words, as well as the very last statement:

BE READY BECAUSE IT HAS ALREADY BEGUN

???

A professor was sitting on his rolling chair, scrolling down a screen filled with raw and interpreted data. It appeared that there had been quite the progress made. A rather significant amount of progress, if he must say so himself. He looked over at the comatose male laying down on the bed near all the machinery and technology that were being utilized to ensure his awakening and the middle-aged man smiled a little. And it was a bittersweet smile. A smile with little pain, a little sorrow...

And a little more hope than before.

_You're making quite the progress with your emotions, aren't you... Ai?_

???

In one of the largest mansions in the country, Shining Saotome sat on his rolling chair behind his desk, completely aware of the immense frenzy that his updates on social media had caused, completely aware that it was only a matter of time before the Starish and Quartet Night members came barging into his office with countless questions.

With his chin resting against his hands, a wide grin stretched across his face.

_It has already begun, boys. It has already begun._

_"You gave feathers of song to someone like me..."_

\- "Innocent Wind", by Ai Mikaze (Shouta Aoi)


	20. Strength

Reiji Kotobuki

**STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT**

THE NEW SHINING STARS PROJECT

WITH NEW SUB-UNITS, SONGS, HARMONIES, LIVE PERFORMANCES, MUSIC VIDEOS AND MORE

Watch the 11 stars join together and light a fire to the skies even brighter than ever before across the span of the next four months crossing over to the new year, with harmonies, music and emotions overflowing from every inch of their their hearts and souls

BE READY BECAUSE IT HAS ALREADY BEGUN

"Starish X Quartet Night..."

Reiji uttered the words under his breath as he drove in the direction to Shining's mansion with Natsuki and Ai sitting right behind him. The three of them had agreed with Ranmaru to head over to Shining's place, meet Camus there, and go straight to the boss' office to ask - or demand, in Ranmaru's case - for answers regarding the sudden project. Reiji himself was still incredulous that this was even happening, although Shining was extremely notorious for coming up and deciding on projects and ideas without the idols. Yeah, this was far from the first time that Starish and Quartet Night members had to work together with one another - the 11 of them had been in shuffle units, performed together and even shared the song "Golden Star" together. But not only was this one unbelievably sudden, but the timing was one of the worst that Reiji could think of.

When the car had to stop at a red light, Reiji looked over his shoulder at Natsuki, who was hugging his sling bag against his chest, his green eyes behind his glasses filled with uneasiness.

Things between the 11 idols had not at all been sorted out and fixed, and they all knew that Shining knew it.

"You're thinking about the project, aren't you, Nattsun?"

Natsuki blinked, surprise flashing across his face, and Reiji reached over and placed a hand on the blond's arm, smiling reassuringly.

"Don't let it run around your head too much. We know it means that you have no choice but to be with your band members again, but don't forget that we're gonna be there too. Me, Ai-Ai, Ran-Ran and Myu-chan." Reiji smiled brightly. "Instead of thinking of Starish, think about all the fun we all can have together! Like, imagine if Shining let you, me and Ai-Ai be a sub-unit together! What I wouldn't give for that to happen!"

Natsuki started to chuckle and Reiji's smile brightened at the sight. "That would be really nice, Rei-chan-senpai. I really want to be in a unit with you guys too!"

"There is a decent probability of Shining allowing it considering that it is a collaboration between Starish and Quartet Night," Ai remarked, smiling slightly, "and it means that he would be more inclined to have units consisting of at least 1 Starish member and 1 Quartet Night member each." His eyes softened. "If he is available after our inquiries, how about we ask him if he allows it?"

"Yeap!" Reiji agreed enthusiastically, giving Ai a thumbs-up sign.

Natsuki beamed at Ai and Reiji. "Yep, thank you, Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan!"

Reiji and Ai smiled back and out of the corner of his eye, the light turned green. Immediately, Reiji turned back to the front and pushed the accelerator with his foot. The thought of being in one unit with Ai and Natsuki made Reiji's heart feel miles better about the entire thing. From the rear-view mirror, Ai nudged the blue penguin plushie, Pina, softly against Natsuki's arm, causing the blond male to smile gently, and Reiji's heart melted at his best friends' cuteness. But if Reiji had to be honest, he still could hardly believe what their boss was doing.

_It has been not even been a week ever since the ordeal at your place, ever since we all found out about what Starish's been doing to Nattsun, and that's not even been resolved..._

Gripping his steering wheel even tighter, Reiji frowned.

_What are you trying to do, Shining-san?_

Tokiya Ichinose

"Shining-sensei!"

"Sensei, please let us in!"

"We want to ask about the project!"

Tokiya and Masato sighed heavily as Otoya, Cecil and Syo knocked on the double doors to Shining Saotome's office repeatedly. Their boss was remarkably unbelievable. Was he not aware of the implications that coercing the 11 of them to cooperate after the recent events would cause? As Tokiya told the younger Starish members to calm down and give Shining some time, he glanced at Ren, who leaned against the wall, his arms folded, his eyes closed.

Even if this was Shining's way of trying to get them to reconcile...

Tokiya mentally facepalmed, annoyed and disturbed by his boss' way of thinking.

... this was quite a blatantly terrible way of doing so, with countless ways for it to become chaotic.

"Shining's gotta have gone insane!"

Syo's voice was trembling with raw frustration.

"After that big fight, he's forcing us to work with those senpais in harmony for four freaking months? After that Ranmaru nearly punched me in the face?"

"And after Camus gives us looks like he wants to kill us everytime we pass him?" Cecil chimed in, shivering at the memory.

"At times like this, I wouldn't wanna be alone with either of them!" Otoya exclaimed, fear and worry flooding his red eyes.

"Neither do we!"

"This is why we need to convince Shining that this idea causes more harm than good," Tokiya told them, rubbing his temple with a heavy sigh. "As much as our past collaboration projects have all been successful, the circumstances are different, especially with our complications regarding Shinomiya-san and the recent events."

He shook his head.

"However, the announcement has been released, and the fans are anticipating new releases, so there is almost no chance of Shining cancelling this project."

"Ehh?" Otoya yelled. "So even if we talk to Shining-sensei, we have to-"

"What's with all the freaking ruckus?"

Otoya, Cecil, Syo and Masato froze at the sound of the familiar, hostile voice. His eyes widening slightly, Tokiya turned and saw Ranmaru, Reiji, Natsuki, Ai and Camus heading towards their direction. Almost immediately, a thick sense of apprehension and tension engulfed the air around them, and Tokiya wasn't the slightest bit surprised.

_You really come up with the best ideas... Shining-san..._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Move."

Ranmaru shoved his way past Otoya and a few others, and Natsuki quietly glanced around at everyone, uneasiness trickling through his heart. Ren flashed him a small smile; Syo was scowling; Otoya and Cecil were agitated. Masato and Tokiya looked closely at Natsuki, and he could not tell what the two were thinking, but a hand squeezed his right shoulder gently, and he turned to Reiji and Ai, who smiled at him reassuringly. Natsuki smiled back and that was when a bang drummed into his ears, causing his heart to leap up in shock. He and his best friends spun around, only to find that Ranmaru had kicked the doors open, having no patience to wait for their boss to respond.

"Ya think I care about waitin' and that junk at this point?"

Ranmaru spoke without looking over his shoulder at any of them before entering the room. Slowly, Otoya and the others began to walk into the office behind Ranmaru and Camus soon followed. Reiji looked at Natsuki and Ai and said with a brief smile, "Let's go, guys." They nodded and the three of them stepped into the office, with Natsuki entering first.

However, as soon as all 11 of them had entered, the lights were switched off and they were immersed in pitch darkness. Natsuki's eyes widened as he stood where he was, his heartbeat thudding in his ears, his friends starting to yell, curse, and call out to one another.

"What the freaking-"

"Syo! Cecil! Where are you guys?"

"Nattsun, Ai-Ai, you guys are still in front of me, right?"

"Reiji, you are literally grasping my arm."

"What on earth does the old man think he's-"

"Welcome, welcome, my eleven Shining Stars!"

A loud, cheerful voice boomed across the darkness and the lights were suddenly back on, revealing Shining standing in the center of the office right in front of the Starish and Quartet Night members, a large grin spread across his face. After recovering from the temporary blackout, everyone regrouped themselves and they all stood in front of Shining together, with Natsuki standing between Reiji and Ai and Ranmaru and Camus right next to them.

"I can see that without a doubt, all of you have found out about the latest project!"

"More like, had it rammed right into us without us knowing a thing!" Ranmaru spoke out, his voice edged with incredulousness. "Why didn't you tell us anything about it before announcing it to the world, Shining?"

"Because you all wouldn't have agreed to it if I did, Mr Kurosaki!" Shining exclaimed, and Natsuki could hear his silver-haired senpai curse under his breath. "Even if you would have agreed, I usually decide on things without you all as your boss, so it shouldn't be a surprise, right?"

"But sensei-" Otoya protested.

"Anyway," Shining continued, "now that you're all here, I'm sure you all are at the edge of your seats to find out what you'll all be jumping right into. Wonderful, really wonderful!"

Ai and Camus sighed quietly as Natsuki and Reiji smiled awkwardly.

"So if you've read the announcement thoroughly, you should know the basic details already. The 11 of you will be grouped into sub-units and come up with tons of new, wonderful collabs together including songs, music videos, live performances and many more for the next four months! And at the end of those four months, all of you have to release one solo song each on the exact same day. That's right, the solo song project is joint with this Starish X Quartet Night project!"

"But Shining-sensei," Ai said, and Shining faced him with a wide smile, "if Starish and Quartet Night are having the same solo song project, why did you notify Quartet Night at a later time?"

"Good question, Mr Mikaze!" Shining's eyes brightened. "That's because 1. the element of surprise, and 2. you Quartet Night boys have more experience than Starish, so I expect you to come up with marvelous results even with less time!"

"What the actual-" Ranmaru muttered.

"And now let's go over what was not in the announcement!"

Natsuki, Reiji and everyone else looked at Shining as he grinned even more and pulled away the red veil behind him. Natsuki's eyes widened as Shining revealed a gold-and-red machine on which there were four rows of cells with photos of all eleven of them and above each row was letters, the first ones saying Unit 1, followed by Unit 2, Unit 3, and lastly, Unit 4. As gasps resounded in the room and Natsuki, Ai and Reiji stared, Shining started to laugh loudly.

"This... is what's going to decide the opening units!"

"The opening units?" Reiji repeated.

Shining nodded, gesticulating at the machine dramatically.

"Listen very carefully, my Shining Stars! While the main units for this project will be decided later, now you boys are gonna head straight into the first round where this beautiful machine here's gonna decide by random who will be in which opening unit! Ain't that wonderful?"

"Ehh?" nearly everyone yelled, and Natsuki's eyes widened as his heart thumped in his chest.

Shining laughed, disregarding everyone's shock, terror and disbelief. "I like your enthusiasm, boys! So right here and now, I will get the machine started and you shall see the four opening units of this wonderful project! Anyone can be with anyone, except that there are two conditions."

He raised one finger first. "Firstly, exclusively for the opening round, all the Quartet Night members will be separated into one unit each. And secondly..."

He raised another finger.

"The juniors and senior assigned to each other cannot be in one unit and neither can the juniors assigned to the same senior. Meaning that, for example, Mr Kurosaki cannot be in a unit with Mr Hijirikawa or Mr Jinguji, and Mr Jinguji cannot be with Mr Hijirikawa."

Ren shot Ranmaru a teasing grin, mouthing the words "I'll miss you, Ran-chan", causing the silver-haired senior to scowl. Cecil appeared to be relieved while Otoya and Tokiya glanced at each other. Natsuki and Reiji turned to Ai, whose teal eyes were lowered a little, mild sadness filling Natsuki's heart at the fact that they could not be together for the opening round. He placed a hand on Ai's back and smiled faintly, whispering, "Let's ask Shining-sensei about the main units after this, okay?" Smiling, Reiji nodded and Ai faced them and soon, his teal eyes softened and he smiled too.

However, pain pierced Natsuki's heart when he noticed his former roommate glaring at him and his best friends from where he stood.

_Syo-chan..._

"I've inputted the aforementioned conditions into the machine, so let's start now, shall we?"

Shining's voice interrupted Natsuki's thoughts and he quickly turned to face their sensei, whose hand was on the red handle of the machine, a wide beam on his face.

"Let the magic begin!" he shouted and he yanked the machine handle down.

In less than a moment, the machine let out a low rumble and the cells began to shuffle with a speed that made them look like utter blurs, and Natsuki could feel his heart racing in his chest in pure anticipation and worry. Who was he going to be with... for this opening unit? Natsuki knew that no matter what, he would be with one of his senpais, and he was extremely grateful for that. But there was a high chance that he would be with one of his band members too and he was still unsure of how he was going to face them, his heart trembling at the thought. As the cells continued to shuffle, Natsuki felt a hand squeeze his arm a little and he turned to Reiji, who flashed him a reassuring smile. Ai turned and smiled too and smiling back, Natsuki wrapped his arms around his friends, his heart relaxing a little thanks to them.

In a few seconds, the cells of the first row stopped moving and revealed the first opening unit:

_Unit 1: Ranmaru, Otoya, Cecil_

"Cecil!" Otoya yelled excitedly, pouncing onto Cecil.

Cecil's eyes brightened with pure joy and relief. "The muses have heard our pleas, Otoya!"

Beside Ai, Ranmaru folded his arms and grunted without a word, but he did not seem to be bothered by his new unit. The remaining cells continued to shuffle and Natsuki's heart continued to race as he waited for the next unit to be determined by the random generator, his choices narrowed down.

In less than ten seconds, the cells of the second unit all stopped at the same time and Natsuki's eyes widened.

_Unit 2: Ai, Tokiya, Masato_

"E-Eto... Ai-Ai...?"

At the sound of Reiji's nervous voice, Natsuki faced Ai, who was staring straight at Tokiya. Ai and Tokiya's eyes were locked, the former's face blank, the latter's expression calm, neither of them saying a word, but Natsuki could feel unspoken sentences and emotions flooding the air between them, and it brought an acute sense of discomfort streaming into his heart. Beside Tokiya, even Masato appeared to be uncomfortable. Soon, Ai turned away from Tokiya and faced Natsuki and Reiji, his teal eyes clear as though nothing had happened.

"Only two more units are left to be determined."

"Yeap," Reiji agreed, and he smiled at Natsuki. "Looks like you're gonna be with either me or Myu-chan."

His eyes softened.

"I really hope the good ol' machine lets us be in a unit."

Natsuki nodded with a sincere smile. "Me too, Rei-chan-senpai."

Ai smiled too and the three of them faced the machine one more time. Once the third unit was decided, the last unit would be decided too. Shining's grin did not falter even a little as the eleven idols waited for the last two units to be determined. The only people without a unit now were Natsuki, Reiji, Camus, Syo and Ren. Reiji's arm tightened around him as Natsuki's heartbeat accelerated, the emotions making the latter's heart quiver, the atmosphere thick with emotion and anticipation. Otoya, Cecil and Tokiya glanced at Natsuki and he took a deep breath and let it out, trying not to hope too much, trying to calm down. In a few more moments, both the third and fourth rows of cells stopped moving and Natsuki's eyes dilated in sheer surprise.

"Nattsun!"

Reiji's yell filled Natsuki's ears and the latter was tackled to a tight hug. Natsuki laughed with pure joy overwhelming him as Reiji let out even more laughs, the brunet smiling brightly at him, and he faced the cells that had stopped moving.

_Unit 3: Reiji, Natsuki, Ren_

_Unit 4: Camus, Syo_

"At least the results were not completely negative," Ai remarked and Natsuki and Reiji turned to their best friend, only to find a small smile on his face. "Both of you are very fortunate."

"Thanks, Ai-Ai!" Reiji said with a grin while Natsuki smiled at Ai, and from a distance, Natsuki could hear Syo let out a curse.

"Don't forget about me, Shinomi, Bukky."

Natsuki's heart thudded against his chest as he slowly turned to face Ren, who approached him and Reiji. Ren flashed Natsuki a light smile, his blue eyes doing the same, and while Ai maintained a blank expression, Reiji's arm tightened protectively around Natsuki.

"Ren-kun," Natsuki addressed Ren.

Ren's blue eyes softened. "Looking forward to working with you guys, Shinomi, Bukky."

Natsuki's eyes widened in pure surprise, not at all expecting those words from Ren after what had happened the last time they spoke. However, warmth and relief flowed through his heart at the thought that Ren was alright with working together despite everything and Natsuki felt his lips curve into a light smile as he nodded at his orange-haired friend.

"Yeap. Let's make music together, Ren-kun."

Ren winked and gave Natsuki a thumbs-up sign. "You got it, Shinomi."

Beside Natsuki, Reiji was facing Ren, his arm remaining wrapped around Natsuki's back, still silent. As Ren waved and headed towards Masato and the others, Reiji's eyes followed him, his expression unreadable, much to Natsuki's confusion. Natsuki's heart thudded with even more confusion when he saw that Ranmaru was frowning, Camus' eyes were narrowed, and Ai's expression was blank, and just like Reiji, they were also observing Ren.

"Is there something wrong, Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, senpais?" Natsuki asked, tilting his head in confusion.

Reiji turned to Natsuki and his expression changed into that of pure concern. He opened his mouth to speak, but before any words could come out, Shining clapped his hands loudly to get everyone's attention and they shifted their eyes to the head of their agency, who was beaming.

"I see that all of you are getting familiar with your groups!" he exclaimed. "Are you boys happy with your opening units?"

"No!" almost everyone besides Natsuki, Reiji and Ren answered, with Ai shaking his head.

"Wonderful, just wonderful!" Shining cried out with a large grin, and Natsuki's eyes widened in shock. "You boys are rearing to jump right into music, aren't you? So let me present you the details for the opening of this project, boys!"

Natsuki and everyone else listened quietly as Shining began to explain what they had to do for the opening of the Starish X Quartet Night project. The opening round would be officially called "The Opening Challenge", and while the word "challenge" made Otoya, Cecil and Syo gulp, Natsuki smiled faintly, deciding to think of it as something fun. Each unit had to come up with their own songs for the opening round. All the units would have different themes assigned to them by Shining, and the exchanging of themes was prohibited in all circumstances. They had until 12 p.m. of the Friday of the following week to complete the songs, and Shining laughed off all the protests that a number of them gave.

"So do we need to finish our recordings by the due date as well?" Masato inquired.

"Yeap!" Shining answered with a wide grin. "Once you complete your songs, you must bring them to me for official approval and then record the songs at the studio."

"In other words... we have even less time to write lyrics and come up with the melody..."

"This is a freaking joke..."

A deep pain swept through Natsuki's heart like fallen leaves at how almost no one was looking forward to this project or to working with one another. Syo was ranting about something to Cecil; Otoya's red eyes were filled with worry; Tokiya was rubbing his temple in frustration; while Camus sighed and Ranmaru cursed. Natsuki remembered how much energy and happiness everyone had expressed with their laughs, smiles and words back when they worked on "Golden Star" together, how they had performed in pure harmony, singing and dancing with emotions radiating from their hearts.

_But now..._

A hand gave Natsuki a gentle squeeze on the shoulder and he faced Ai and Reiji. They smiled faintly, trying to assure him that things would be alright, and Natsuki smiled back, placing his hand over Ai's, truly glad that they were here with him and understood, his heart aching with a wish that was unfulfilled.

_... those emotions, our harmony... just aren't there... are they...?_

"If everything's clear, enjoy the rest of your Saturday, and I'll see all of you here tomorrow at 8 a.m. sharp!"

"How are we supposed to enjoy-" Syo started.

"See you all tomorrow morning, boys!"

In the blur of a moment, all the Starish and Quartet Night members had been ushered out of the office and the doors were shut tightly behind them. Standing with Reiji and Ai, Natsuki quietly looked around as everyone stared at one another, unresolved and newly-found feelings of anger, resentment, apprehension and fear thickening the atmosphere amongst the eleven of them like a fog. Syo and Ranmaru were scowling; Camus, Ai, Masato and Tokiya's eyes were narrowed; Cecil and Otoya's expressions were nervous; Ren's eyes were closed; Reiji's eyes were serious. Natsuki could feel an acute sadness and worry seize his heart, even more painful than before, at how everyone felt towards one another now, at how their harmony had been broken and were no longer here.

_It... hurts..._

Before long, Syo let out a curse and stormed away from everyone.

"W-Wait up, Syo!"

"Otoya!"

"For the sake of this project," Tokiya spoke, glancing at Otoya and Cecil, who hurried after Syo, before his eyes focused on Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus, "and on behalf of Kurusu-san and the others, we hope that you can put aside any unresolved issues and personal feelings for our endeavours to be successful."

"We?" Ranmaru demanded as Camus scoffed and Ai narrowed his eyes, his heterochromatic eyes flashing with indignance. "If anyone needs to do that, it's you lot, especially that short kid of all-"

Reiji placed an arm in front of Ranmaru, signalling for the silver-haired rocker to stop, and looked at his assigned mentee with a serious expression in his normally-blithe grey eyes.

"Very well." Reiji's tone was as serious as his eyes were and he and Tokiya's eyes were locked with each other's, neither of them smiling, and Natsuki's heart clenched. "We expect the same from every one of you as well, not only as professionals, but as people who care about one another, as friends."

His face unreadable, Tokiya nodded wordlessly and he and Masato turned away to head towards where Syo, Otoya and Cecil had disappeared to, neither of them saying a single word of goodbye, leaving behind a cold silence filled with remnants of unspoken emotions. Camus let out a quiet scoff and soon, Masato stopped walking and looked over his shoulder with an unamused expression.

"Jinguji." His tone was flat.

"Coming, Hijirikawa."

Ren spoke lazily and Masato sighed heavily. The orange-haired saxophonist pulled away from the wall that he had been leaning against and turned to face Natsuki and the Quartet Night members.

"See you tomorrow, Shinomi, senpais."

"See you, Ren-kun," Natsuki said with a smile while Reiji and Ai nodded briefly. Ranmaru simply told Ren to get lost, which made Natsuki's eyes widen, but Ren laughed it off and waved as he walked away, towards where Masato was glaring at him. Natsuki waved as well and watched as Ren and Masato joined Tokiya and the three Starish members disappeared into the hallway, with Ren being the only one who glanced back. He turned to his senpais and saw that all of them were observing the trio of Starish members, their eyes filled with seriousness.

"Something's off with him." Ranmaru's voice was low.

"Clearly," Camus spoke, crossing his arms.

"Off with whom?" Natsuki asked, his heart filled with confusion.

Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru all turned to face Natsuki. Ranmaru opened his mouth to speak, but Ai stopped him by shaking his head and muttering, "Later, Ranmaru." Reiji's grey eyes were filled with concern and he placed a hand on Natsuki's shoulder, giving him a faint smile.

"We'll talk about this at our place, okay, Nattsun?"

Although he was still confused, Natsuki gave Reiji a faint nod and the brunet smiled. He wrapped an arm around Natsuki and the five of them started heading in the direction opposite that which the other six members of Starish had gone. Reiji proceeded to remark with a grin that for once Ranmaru and Camus did not argue about coming to the apartment, with Camus and Ranmaru arguing back that it was not because they wanted to be with Reiji. As Reiji whined and Ai sighed, Natsuki glanced over his shoulder at the closed double doors to Shining's office one last time, at the direction that his band members had disappeared to.

His heart clenching in pain, he turned around the corner with his senpais and the doors to the office disappeared with that turn.

Masato Hijirikawa

"That was quite the speech, Icchi."

"Shut up, Jinguji," Masato hissed as Tokiya sighed in annoyance at Ren's nonchalant remark and the three more mature members of Starish walked along the hallway together. Glancing over his shoulder, Masato saw that Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru were headed towards the opposite direction and mentally sighed. Shining Saotome's plans were unbelievably atrocious. Why would their boss force them to work together when the eleven of them had not reconciled with one another after what had happened, after Natsuki had collapsed? And now while Masato, Tokiya, Syo, Otoya and Cecil were stuck with less than desirable circumstances, having been put in units with cold seniors, Ren, who had somehow lucked out of the random generator, had his arms crossed behind his head and was being far more laid-back than Masato needed him to be, and that irked him more than anything.

"No need to get all worked up, Hijirikawa," Ren said with a smirk, raising his hands. "Icchi's right. Work is more important than whatever we feel about what happened."

"'Whatever we feel' is a serious matter," Masato countered, glaring at his flirtatious roommate. "You saw what happened when all eleven of us were in the same area. Even though Kotobuki-senpai did agree to cooperate, that hardly means that everyone will. Kurusu, Kurosaki-san and Camus-senpai definitely won't, that's certain."

"But I'm sure that Shinomi and Aimi will," Ren said, smiling faintly. "Those two were never the type to make anyone's work harder than it has to be."

"You say it like the atmosphere didn't change the moment Mikaze-senpai and Ichinose looked at each other."

"Hey, looks don't mean everyt-"

"Can I ask you something, Ren?"

"Ask away, Icchi," Ren said with a chuckle and Tokiya stopped walking. Masato and Ren stopped as well and Tokiya turned to look directly at Ren, his blue eyes serious.

"Why are you acting so friendly to them?"

"You mean to Shinomi, Bukky and the other senpais?" Ren asked and Tokiya nodded, crossing his arms. The orange-haired saxophonist laughed. "What? Can't I be myself around them? They're all my friends too and I really want things between us to be alright, ya know. It's really nice seeing Shinomi smile again."

"All the senpais were staring at you, even Kotobuki-senpai," Masato pointed out, frowning, and Ren laughed even more.

"So? I get stared at by ladies everyday."

Masato narrowed his eyes at his irritating roommate. "It's not the same and you know it, Jinguji."

"What? Guys do fall for me too, you know."

"You-"

"As much as I can probably never understand how your mind works, Ren..."

Tokiya's voice interrupted Masato and he turned to the perfectionist, whose blue eyes were thoughtful and solemn at the same time.

"This opening round can be rather beneficial for all of us and by 'all of us', I mean Starish."

Something about the way Tokiya spoke implied that he was not referring to what the project could contribute to them as idols, but to an entirely different matter altogether. Opening his eyes, Ren looked at Tokiya with a more-serious expression in his sapphire eyes while Masato stroked his chin, uncertain that he knew what his band member was thinking.

"Can you elaborate, Ichinose?"

Reiji Kotobuki

"I swear this is Shining's craziest idea yet, and that old man's head is already bonkers as it is."

Ranmaru ranted, shaking his head with an incredulous and frustrated expression on his face.

"I mean, lumping us in with those punks right after what happened the last time we saw 'em and expecting us to come up with mind-blowin' results? That's freaking nuts, that's for sure! Not to mention, I still feel like I wanna shove this fist against that short kid's face!"

Reiji looked down as Ai let out a quiet sigh. The four Quartet Night members and Natsuki were at the apartment. Sitting in the living room, the five of them drank the chamomile tea that Natsuki had fixed for all of them as they talked - or ranted, in Ranmaru's case - about the current situation, about the project that Shining had forced them to do. Reiji sat next to Natsuki on the red sofa while Ai and Camus sat on the sofa across from them and Ranmaru occupied the armchair, the relaxing scent of tea bringing a little calmness to his heart amidst the tense atmosphere. All five of them had been separated into different units, with the exception of Natsuki and Reiji. Reiji could already imagine the cold stares, exchanging of harsh words, and arguments that would be come when the eleven of them worked on the project tomorrow. Even though they had not officially began working on the project, personal feelings and unresolved issues had clearly taken over, and they were bound to show when they met again.

 _Well, it would be quite wrong for anyone to say that this wasn't to be expected when we all more or less knew things would end up this messy_ _._ _But how we cooperate's not the main issue here. Not to me, at least._

Tightening his hold on his green mug ever so slightly as Ranmaru and Camus talked about their units, Reiji turned to face Natsuki, who was looking down at his yellow mug, listening to the conversation without a single sound.

 _What I'm worried about the most..._ Reiji's heart throbbed painfully in his chest, _is Nattsun._

Reiji wrapped an arm around Natsuki and the latter's eyes widened slightly. Natsuki turned to face Reiji, his green eyes glimmering with hurt under the luminosity of the ceiling's fluorescent lamps, and Reiji gave him a faint smile, assuring him that they were all with him.

_What's most unfair about this isn't that Shining-san's not giving us a choice but to work together despite what happened._

Natsuki smiled gently despite the pain in his green eyes, as kind as he had always been, and the sight warmed and cracked Reiji's heart at the same time.

_What's most unfair... is that Nattsun has to suffer more than anyone... and... I hate that._

"As much as your violent tendencies are becoming more apparent, Kurusu is not the one whom you have to work with tomorrow."

"Yeah, you're the one he has to deal with," Ranmaru remarked, crossing his arms behind his head. "If you wanna go hard on him, I'm not stoppin' ya. He deserves way worse than whatever you slam at his face."

"Rest assured that I will not be at all lenient," Camus said, sipping his tea. "Perhaps I will be harsher than usual on my own accord."

"Good. Crush that pipsqueak."

"Calm down, Ranmaru, Camus," Ai spoke, his voice as calm as his expression. "Despite our personal feelings and reservations we may have, we all still need to conduct ourselves well as professionals. Being too extreme can easily backfire and that is the last thing we need in this given situation."

"Ya think I care about being professional to that pipsqueak right now?" Ranmaru shot back as Camus let out a quiet scoff.

Ai let out a silent sigh, but he did not argue back. Instead, he moved on. "Besides, I believe that we have a more crucial issue in hand other than our undesired units."

He turned to Natsuki and Reiji and his teal eyes turned concerned.

"It's about your question from back at the mansion, Natsuki."

"Yeap, that's something we all really need to talk about," Reiji agreed, nodding his head as Camus grunted in agreement and Ranmaru folded his arms. He turned to Natsuki. "Remember when Ran-Ran said that something was off with 'him' and you asked whom he meant, Nattsun?"

Natsuki gave Reiji a small nod. "Yeap." Worry filled his green eyes as he spoke quietly. "It's one of the other Starish members, right?"

"Ya got that right," Ranmaru confirmed. He frowned. "But more specifically, the one that got put into your and Reiji's unit by that big machine."

"Ren Jinguji," Camus specified as Natsuki's eyes widened in pure shock at Ranmaru's words. Pain tinged Ai's teal eyes as Reiji tightened his arm around their best friend, whose face showed struggle of understanding what Ranmaru and Camus had just said.

"Ren... kun...?"

As Natsuki spoke in a soft voice filled with barely-suppressed shock and agony, Reiji's heart clenched, knowing how much the blond must be suffering.

"But when he talked to us, he seemed okay, just like the Ren-kun that we know-"

"That's the issue, Natsuki," Ai spoke gently, giving Natsuki a look of understanding. "Considering the events that had occurred the last time we saw him, Ren is acting too normal, like nothing happened between us, and that itself is simultaneously suspicious and perturbing."

"Knowing you, Shinomiya, you are probably too trusting to realize this, but Jinguji is characteristically akin to a fox," Camus remarked, his icy blue eyes narrowed. "He has more cunning than his outward inappropriately-flirtatious appearance suggests, and in this kind of scenario, he may utilize it to his advantage and we know that he is capable of doing as such."

"Point is," Ranmaru concluded, "don't give all your trust to that sly little Casanova no matter how nice he may be actin'. Actually, scratch that. Don't give your trust to _any_ of 'em. 'Cause you don't know what they might just try to pull on ya."

Reiji's arm remained around Natsuki as the younger blond quietly looked around at all the senpais before lowering his eyes and opening his mouth to speak.

"But... what could Ren-kun be trying to do?"

"Break you, Reiji and Ai apart, that's what."

"Ran-Ran!" Reiji exclaimed in shock at the silver-haired rocker as Ai facepalmed and Camus shook his head in disapproval.

Ranmaru stared back at the rest of Quartet Night. "What? That's the truth, right? Those punks are gonna play the fact that that Casanova got put in a group with you and Natsuki to their dirty advantage. Of all three of you, they especially have their eyes on you both."

Ai sighed as Reiji shook his head in disbelief. "You could have used a gentler method of conveyance, Ranmaru. That was much too sudden."

"Says the one who's brutally honest all the time."

"This is an entirely different case and you know it."

"But... why would they want to do that...?"

His voice barely audible, Natsuki curled his fingers around his mug ever so slightly, pain flashing across his face, and Reiji's heart cracked at the sight.

"Nattsun..."

"I just don't understand. If the case is like you said, senpais, then he and the others are doing something that will hurt all of us and they know it's going to hurt, don't they?" Just like his green eyes, his quiet voice was flooded with hurt. "All of us have already been hurt so much by what happened days ago, so why would they try to hurt us...?"

"It's highly likely a matter of strategy, Natsuki," Ai slowly explained, his tone gentle and filled with understanding. "They may see drifting you, me and Reiji apart as a way of coercing you to move back to the dormitories."

"Like when Toki tried making you believe that there was no way I'd let you stay with me when he knew that I would," Reiji added, giving Natsuki's shoulder a tight squeeze.

Natsuki faced him, his eyes tight with pain. "But they know that we're friends-"

"Who are way too close for their liking," Ranmaru cut in, frowning. "I can tell ya that's what they think whenever they lay their eyes on you three. Like when we all saw that you and Reiji got put in one unit. Man, I could see the frustration and disappointment on those punks' faces. And I can bet they wanna end it, blaming your friendship as the source of their problems." His eyes softened a little, filled with concern. "As low as it sounds."

"T... that's..."

Natsuki's shoulders quivered a little as his voice faltered, his green eyes tight with pain.

"That's... so cruel..."

His words cracked ever so slightly and Reiji couldn't help but stare at Natsuki, his heart broken by the sorrow in his best friend's eyes and voice, by the sheer vulnerability and pain that was clear in the blond's face and voice when Natsuki said the word "cruel". It was at that very moment when Reiji realized all over again how excruciating that one word could be, how cruel it could be to one's heart. And hearing Natsuki, who was the kindest person that Reiji knew, say that word so softly, so painfully, with that quiet, tortured voice... broke his heart, knowing how affected he was by his own band members whom he used to call his best friends.

_This... is the_ _cruellest_ _part of all of this._

Reiji tightened his arm around Natsuki, wanting more than anything to console his broken heart, to heal him of the pain that his own kindness caused.

_The fact that your kindness... is what hurts you more than anything._

"Natsuki." Ai's voice was soft.

"Why would they do that... when we're all friends? When we all care about one another and always have? It's cruel to try and pull friends apart. It's cruel... to blame Rei-chan-senpai when all he did was care. It... It just..."

Natsuki's body quivered with emotion.

"It's just... going to hurt everyone even more, and seeing everyone like this... and when we all used to be really alright around one another and trust one another... It's only going to hurt even more and it already hurts so much."

His voice faltered as it became a near-whisper, and Reiji's heart broke upon realizing that Natsuki was holding back tears.

"Friends... don't try to hurt one another... do they? And it shouldn't hurt to trust them and so why... does it have to hurt so much, Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, senpais?"

"Nattsun..."

No one, not even Reiji or Ranmaru, could answer. Reiji muttered for Natsuki to come closer and pulled the latter into a tight hug, wrapping his arms firmly around the blond as Ai stepped towards them. This... was why Reiji had been especially worried about Natsuki ever since the project was announced. Natsuki was the kindest person that Reiji knew, but he was too kind to the point that it broke his own heart. Too kind and too trusting, and Reiji knew how deeply both could hurt. Reiji knew that Natsuki still believed in his own band members despite how much they had broken his heart, but that was the problem. Syo and the rest of Starish knew how kind Natsuki was and how much he trusted them, and Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus knew that those kouhais could and highly likely would end up exploiting those traits and hurting him again, and none of the seniors wanted that for their friend. Natsuki hugged Reiji back tightly as Ai placed a hand on the blond's back, the latter's teal eyes worried as they met Reiji's. Across the glass table, Camus' eyes remained closed while Ranmaru looked down, his teeth clenched.

_That's why... we really needed to tell you all this, to protect you, but..._

Guilt stabbed Reiji's heart like thorns of a withered flower and he tightened his arms around Natsuki.

_... we didn't mean for you to be hurt even more. That's... the last thing we want._

"But... even though it hurts... I have... to be strong..."

Reiji's eyes widened at Natsuki's quiet but resolute words. He could feel the blond gently pull away from the hug and as Reiji slowly let go, Natsuki looked around at him and the other senpais, his green eyes filled with sincere emotion.

"Satsuki attacked you guys and the rest of Starish because he wanted to protect me," Natsuki continued, and Reiji and the others were surprised that he was bringing that topic up now. "Although he caused so much pain to everyone... I think I understand why he'd want to protect me."

Natsuki lowered his eyes in pain and guilt as he spoke softly, his hand reaching up to clutch his chest.

"It's because he feels that I'm too weak and he's not wrong... isn't he...? Because I let so many people hurt me and stayed quiet when it hurt so much."

Reiji's eyes widened as Ai, Ranmaru and Camus stared at Natsuki in shock. No one had realized that Natsuki had been contemplating about what they'd all discovered about his alter ego. Throughout this week of recovery ever since they left the mansion, no one, including Natsuki, had talked about it or even mentioned Satsuki, leaving the topic for a more appropriate time. But Natsuki had been thinking about it, pained by the realizations and thoughts, without saying a word about them, without Reiji or Ai knowing. Reiji placed a hand on Natsuki's shoulder and squeezed it tightly, pain and sorrow for his best friend wrenching his heart.

Even when he was recovering... he was still putting them over himself.

"But... I can't go on like this."

Natsuki gave them a weak smile, his green eyes glimmering under the glow of the fluorescent lamps.

"I can't keep... giving him a reason to protect me when it keeps hurting everyone, including the people that I care about the most. I can't keep letting him believe that I'm not strong enough, that the way that he's been doing things... is what's best. I don't want anyone to get hurt. That's why I have to be stronger. That's why I have to and want to face what's happening and everyone in Starish no matter how much it hurts. So... So that I..."

He placed his hand on top of Reiji's and squeezed it tightly, glistening with even more resolve now.

"So that I have the strength to protect those who matter the most to me and be there for them no matter what."

Reiji stared at Natsuki with widened eyes and a heart wavering with pure emotion. _Nattsun..._ Natsuki looked at him, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru with a warm smile and small tears glistening in the corners of his gentle green eyes.

"You guys will be... with me all the way... right... Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, Maru-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai?"

The warmth in his eyes did not waver even as tears rolled down his cheeks, his words and expression conveying a myriad of emotions and things all at once. Gratitude, anguish, sincerity, resolve, strength, sorrow, kindness, hope... And they all shrouded and tugged at Reiji's heart strongly, with the reminder of the words that Natsuki had told him nights ago, the day before the watercolor-themed photoshoot where Syo broke the kind blond's heart.

_"It scares me... thinking of how I might get hurt, of how I might even hurt others if I can't even keep myself together. Rei-chan-senpai... can you please... guide me, so that I can grow at least... a little stronger?"_

Natsuki's words back then had been purely honest and selfless, precisely the same like they were at this very moment. But Reiji noticed that there was a difference with Natsuki then and now. Now... his words had more strength amidst them, more resolute than before. And from everything that had happened ever since then, Reiji knew that Natsuki had grown, had truly lived up to his wish to be stronger for everyone's sake, and the latter had no idea how proud Reiji was of him. Reiji moved his hand so that it was holding Natsuki's and he gave the latter's hand a tight squeeze, his heart warm with emotions that his best friend had given him.

"My answer's the same as before, Nattsun."

Natsuki faced him and Reiji gave him a sincere smile, nearly overwhelmed by his own feelings.

"Always, Nattsun. I'll be with you every step of the way no matter what, and that'll never change."

"The same applies for me."

Ai placed his hand on top of Natsuki and Reiji's and gave the former a kind smile, his teal eyes gentle.

"You and Reiji showed me how friends walk beside one another regardless of circumstances, and that's one thing that will never change between us, alright?"

"It's the first time I saw ya open up 'bout your thoughts to the point that you're cryin' like that."

Ranmaru gave Natsuki a lopsided grin, his arms remaining crossed behind his head.

"But that shows how serious ya are so let me tell ya this just this once. We all got your back, ya got it?"

"Aww, Ran-Ran!" Reiji beamed.

Ranmaru glared. "Shut up, Reiji!"

"Kotobuki, your comments can often be utterly unnecessary that it gets on our nerves," Camus remarked with a deep voice after remaining silent for quite awhile, his eyes narrowed.

"Hey!" Reiji exclaimed.

"But I don't disagree with you, Mikaze or Kurosaki in this situation, which is quite peculiar but supposably acceptable."

Camus's lips formed a small smile, and it was rare of him to smile when he was away from the public.

"Regardless of what those peasants do or do not do, bear our words in mind, Shinomiya."

"Always remember that we're all here for you no matter what," Reiji said, giving Natsuki a bright smile, "alright, Nattsun?

Ai, Ranmaru and Camus nodded and with tears glimmering in his eyes, Natsuki gave them a genuine smile that brought a deep warmth flowing through Reiji like a river of flowers, his green eyes shimmering with tears and happiness.

"Yep, I'll remember no matter what."

His eyes brightened like the stars of a night sky, like the sun that healed.

"And I'll be here for all of you too, senpais."

Reiji beamed and Ai smiled, and they both hugged Natsuki tightly, with Ranmaru grinning and Camus smiling.

...

The next day, Natsuki and Reiji arrived at the mansion before seven, having agreed to meet Ai, Ranmaru and Camus there early. Ai and Camus were already waiting for them and once Ranmaru joined them, the five of them had breakfast together at the dining hall. So twenty minutes before 8 a.m., they were already walking along the hallways, towards Shining Saotome's office. Adjusting his grey fedora with one hand, Reiji had his arm wrapped around Natsuki as they walked together, the daylight from outside filtering through the windows as the five of them talked with one another.

"Whaccha guys think the themes are gonna be?"

"It's the opening of a project, so maybe something that can be made into a banger," Ranmaru responded. He yawned loudly. "But seriously, where did he get the big idea to be at his office so early? He made me sacrifice my sleep for whatever insanity he's up to."

"Your statements are making you sound akin to a professional slacker," Camus remarked as he walked next to Ai.

"Excuse me, you professional know-it-all."

"You're excused, banana head."

"Stop arguing, Camus, Ranmaru," Ai cut in before they could continue, and sighed heavily. "Well... at the very least, arguing did sharpen your senses, Ranmaru, so perhaps it was not entirely detrimental."

"Maru-chan-senpai and Myu-chan-senpai are really good friends!" Natsuki remarked with a happy smile and Reiji barely held back his laughter when Camus and Ranmaru snapped their heads over to the blond kouhai with looks of sheer disbelief.

"We're not friends!"

"Absolutely not."

"Yay! Nattsun agrees with what I've been tellin' you guys!" Reiji cheered.

"Shut up, Reiji!"

"Silence, Kotobuki."

"Ehh? Don't be so cold!"

Natsuki smiled awkwardly and Ai sighed as Ranmaru and Camus ignored Reiji's protests. The light from the windows fell upon them, creating shadows that laid beneath their feet, that moved with the slow, faltering velvet curtains. As Ai changed the topic back to the project and Ranmaru began to rant, the sunlight grew even harsher, almost like the sun was glaring at them from the outside world, and without warning, images flashed across Reiji's head like flames and he barely suppressed himself from flinching.

_"You need to be more gentle, Kei. The same goes for you, Hibiki."_

_"Easier said than done."_

_"Doesn't sound like any of us at all, Aine."_

_"Oh come on, you two! Aine does have a point!"_

The four of them had been walking past bright windows when they had that conversation back then, just like how Reiji was now. Back at Shining Academy, back when they were still teenagers and friends. Reiji, Aine, Kei and Hibiki. Back when they could still laugh, smile and chat with one another without hard feelings or burdens, just like any group of friends would. The outside world seemed to blur over as the memories slammed through Reiji's mind like cold waves, the recollections ignoring how they normally came to burden him at night rather than during daylight. _Why are you... coming to remind me... now of all times?_ That sunlight, those smiles, those laughs... They had been treasured, irreplaceable memories to Reiji, words, colours and emotions that he would never forget no matter what, that had given him strength during even his most painful times.

But then...

_"He disappeared because of you!"_

_"You couldn't even do that for him? You freaking dunce!"_

_"If he's dead, it's all on you!"_

The words, although from the past, still felt like they were being yelled right before him. The past that blurred itself with the present, that had stained too many of the memories from before that incident. The punishment that he would never be freed from. The laughs that had turned into an arsenal of knives. The smiles that turned into sneers and scorns. The words that bruised him each and every day.

The guilt that he rightfully deserved.

_"Go die already, Reiji!"_

"Rei-chan-senpai...? Rei-chan-senpai!"

Reiji gasped as his eyes widened, snapped out of his thoughts by his best friend's gentle voice. He realized that he had stopped walking and found himself facing Natsuki, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus, all who were staring at him. Ranmaru and Camus were frowning in concern; Ai and Natsuki's eyes were filled with worry. Natsuki gave him a gentle squeeze on the shoulder and spoke.

"Are you okay, Rei-chan-senpai? Is there something wrong?"

_"Why couldn't it have been_ **you** _instead?"_

The same, cold voice pierced through his head and it took all of Reiji to maintain his composure. If it had been the night before he took Natsuki in, Reiji would not have a problem pretending like nothing happened and smile with the lie that he was alright when his own heart knew the truth. But now Reiji did not have the heart to put his smiling mask on and give false assurances to his friends, especially Natsuki and Ai. Ai knew about Aine and a little about Hibiki and Kei, but Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus did not know about any of the three. And Reiji could tell just by looking at all of them that they were not going to take "I'm alright" as an answer; Reiji's true emotions had been too obvious. However, although Reiji had told himself that he would tell Natsuki and Ai all about it sooner or later, doing so here in the open at this very moment was not the right time or place. So he decided on an option that did not involve lying or talking about everything.

"Some horrible thoughts came to mind," Reiji answered, shaking his head with a slight smile. "You don't have to worry about me."

"Are you sure you'll be okay, Rei-chan-senpai?"

Natsuki's green eyes were filled with even more worry.

"You suddenly stopped walking and... you looked really hurt."

Reiji's throbbing heart was warmed a little amidst the hurt. Natsuki was known as one of the most naive and oblivious ones of the eleven Shining Stars, but when it came to his friends, he proved to be very attentive and observant, which even Camus had acknowledged. Lying to him was no use; not that Reiji had any intention to lie to Natsuki after everything that had happened, after all the promises, memories and bonding. After telling Natsuki that he could always be honest with him. Reiji smiled faintly and let out a few chuckles.

"I'll be okay, Nattsun, don't worry," Reiji responded, ruffling Natsuki's blond hair. "If it bothers me too much, I'll tell you guys, alright? Thank you for worrying, though."

With all four of them still looking at Reiji, Ai opened his mouth to speak, but footsteps came and he stopped. Reiji, Natsuki, Camus, Ranmaru and Ai all looked to their front, only to find Masato, Tokiya, Ren, Syo, Otoya and Cecil heading towards the office from the opposite direction. The six Starish members stopped chatting when they saw Reiji, Natsuki and the others, and Reiji's distracting thoughts dissipated into thin air immediately as his mind sharpened its focus at the situation in reality.

"Hey, Shinomi, Ran-chan, senpais!" Ren called, waving as the two groups locked eyes with each other.

"Good morning, Ren-kun, guys," Natsuki greeted with a smile while Camus scoffed and Reiji and Ai nodded.

"Let's go to Shining's," Ranmaru spoke as though he had not heard Ren's greeting, heading towards the office.

Camus followed while Ai walked with Natsuki and Reiji. The other Starish members drew closer and Natsuki's hand remained wrapped around Reiji's shoulder, assuring him. The curtains were billowing heavily in the light, casting shadows that moved to the wind's will, constrained to another's movement, burdened by a deficiency of choice. Where there was light, there were shadows too. That was what Reiji had learnt the cruel way.

_But even if I'm burdened by that..._

Reiji slung an arm around Natsuki, who glanced at him with a smile.

_... I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that you aren't._

_When I said I'd be with you all the way, I meant it._

Right before entering the open double doors, Reiji looked over his shoulder, his grey fedora tilted down to his right, and saw that while the shadows had stopped moving, the light was still harsh from outside.

_Even if they'd just laugh and tell me to drown if they ever heard me promise anything..._

Hiding his thoughts behind a calm face, Reiji tightened his arm around Natsuki ever so slightly and entered the office with him and Ai.

_"You guys will be... with me all the way... right... Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, Maru-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai?"_

Whether or not Natsuki realized it, his emotions and words truly gave Reiji the strength and courage he needed. Whether Natsuki, Ai, Ranmaru or Camus knew it, the fact that they were all mutual about the idea of being there for one another, regardless how much his band members denied it, made a smile bloom deep inside Reiji's heart like a dream in a cold night.

_I'll always be with you all the way and make sure we'll be alright..._

With the rest of Starish entering behind them, Reiji returned the smile and patted Natsuki on the back, pushing his own phantoms to the very back of his head.

_...no matter how many shadows come in the light._

...

"I have one last surprise for you boys!"

"What is it now?" Ranmaru groaned as they stopped walking towards the double doors. Shining had assigned to them their respective themes and working areas and dismissed them when he suddenly called them back. Standing between Natsuki and Camus, Reiji turned to face Shining, who was smiling widely at all of them.

"Before you start working on your opening songs, I need you all to go back to your rooms and apartments and pack your belongings!"

"What the..." Syo muttered as Shining's grin broadened and an unsettling feeling sank Reiji's heart.

_Oh no-_

"'Cause you all will be rooming together just like back in the Master Course, according to your opening units!"

Reiji and Natsuki widened their eyes as nearly everyone yelled out in shock, horror, disbelief and terror.

"What?"

"Ehh?"

_"Though the past heavily burdens everyone, we live for this moment_

_There are some nights we cry, right?_

_Somehow, I won't forget all of these feelings!"_

\- "Top Star Revolution", by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kishow Taniyama)


	21. Intentions

Natsuki Shinomiya

"There is a probability of 100% that Ranmaru is already scaring his new roommates."

"Scaring?" Natsuki repeated, his eyes widening.

"Already?" Reiji exclaimed, staring at Ai as they and Natsuki walked together across the hallway.

Ai shrugged. "Considering how much Cecil and Otoya had panicked at the fact that Ranmaru is in their unit, I am not surprised."

"Eto..."

"Oh dear..."

More than an hour ago, Shining had announced that Starish and Quartet Night would be living together based on their opening units until the end of the opening round. He had ignored everyone's protests and complaints and dismissed them from his office with a wide smile, telling them to go get their belongings and move in "to their new homes", which Syo and Ranmaru had cursed at. While Camus and the other six members of Starish went back to their rooms, Natsuki, Reiji, Ai and Ranmaru returned to their respective apartments to get their belongings for the next six days including today. Ranmaru had gone back to the mansion first and to his new room while Reiji and Natsuki had picked Ai up on the way back and the three of them were now walking to their new rooms together. Considering how long it took to go back to the apartments and back, Camus, Syo, Tokiya and the others had most likely already moved in too, leaving Reiji, Ai and Natsuki as the only ones left.

As Natsuki walked between Reiji and Ai and pushed his black trolley bag across the red-carpeted floor, Shining's announcement echoed inside his head like a wind's low howl:

_"'Cause you all will be rooming together just like back in the Master Course, according to your opening units!"_

As much as Shining's words had been brimming with exuberance and vibrance, Natsuki could feel a pang of pain pierce his heart at the words "just like back in the Master Course". The memories of how all of his senpais - Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru - felt responsible for the pain that he had suffered back then, of how Ai's teal eyes had lowered with guilt and how tears had rolled down Reiji's face, flashed inside Natsuki's head like cold, broken lamps.

_At the end... the Master Course had hurt everyone months after it was over... to the point that even Rei-chan-_ _senpai_ _... who's always been strong... cried..._

Natsuki felt his heart clench in pain as he lowered his eyes, the sound of the trolley bags' wheels turning ringing in his ears. The fact that he, Reiji, Ai and Ranmaru were moving back to the mansion, although it was only temporary, almost felt like the eleven of them were back in the Master Course all over again, except that none of them wanted to go back there.

_I don't want this to be like the Master Course in the sense that this... will hurt everyone all over again..._

"It'll be alright, Nattsun."

A hand gave Natsuki's shoulder a gentle squeeze and he turned to Reiji, whose grey eyes were smiling reassuringly at him.

"Shining's making this feel like we're in the Master Course all over again, isn't he?" Reiji let out a few chuckles as Natsuki's eyes widened in surprise. "I can tell from looking into those honest eyes of yours, Nattsun. But the fact is that this is not the same and won't be the same as the Master Course."

Reiji wrapped an arm around Natsuki and smiled warmly.

"Because more than ever, we have one another's backs."

"I now have a better understanding of my flaws and errors from that point in time."

Ai gave Natsuki a sincere smile.

"And from learning from those faults, I will keep the promise that I made to you both and do everything I can to be here for you and ensure that the Master Course's errors do not repeat themselves."

"Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan..." Natsuki beamed at his closest friends, his heart brightening. "Thank you. It means so much to me knowing that you, Maru-chan-senpai and Myu-chan-senpai are with me."

Reiji and Ai smiled back and in a few moments, they were in front of the four rooms that the four units were to stay in for the opening round. On the left wall were the mahogany doors labelled "Unit 1" and "Unit 2" while the right wall had the doors to Unit 3 and Unit 4's rooms. Natsuki's heart stumbled a little as he and Reiji said bye to Ai, who nodded and approached the door to Unit 2's room, and they walked towards the door to Unit 3's room, where Ren was probably already waiting.

_I made a promise to myself, to Rei-chan-_ _senpai_ _, Ai-chan,_ _Myu_ _-chan-_ _senpai_ _and_ _Maru_ _-chan-_ _senpai_ _... that I would_ _face_ _Starish_ _no matter how much it hurts, that I would be stronger... to have the power to protect them... no matter what..._

Taking a deep breath and letting it out, Natsuki pulled the door handle and let himself and Reiji into the room. Glancing over his shoulder, Natsuki saw that Ai was entering his new room.

_That's why... I must not let living with_ _Ren_ _-kun, staying under one roof with all of them like before... scare me away... from fulfilling those words._

"You're here, Shinomi, Bukky."

As soon as Natsuki and Reiji came into the room, Ren's voice filled his ears and his heart thudded hard in his chest. Natsuki turned and saw Ren sitting on the single bed closest to the door and giving them a light smile.

"Ren-kun."

"You guys came faster than expected. Traffic's good today, isn't it?"

"Better than we expected," Reiji answered as he shut the door behind himself and Natsuki. "and we packed as quickly as we could without making a mess at our place," He looked around the room. "The room's a lot bigger than the ones from the Master Course, don't ya think, Nattsun, Ren-Ren?"

Walking away from the door, Natsuki realized that Reiji was right. The room was definitely much more spacious than the dormitories that they were given during the Master Course. Encased by white, orange and yellow walls, the room had a shared bathroom, a windowsill, and wooden cupboards and closets. The white-tiled floor was unblemished and there was a glass table and a red sofa on a round, lilac-and-blue carpet underneath at the center of the room. Next to the door were three identical single beds, each of them having matching white bedsheets, pillows and quilts. The bed nearest to the door, taken by Ren, had a large cooper trolley bag and a polished saxophone at its foot, leaving the two beds closer to the bathroom and windowsill left.

"Yeap," Natsuki agreed, nodding at Reiji with a smile as they walked towards the remaining beds. "And the room looks really comfy too."

Reiji smiled back. "You got that right, Nattsun."

Natsuki laid his trolley bag down on the ground at the foot of the bed nearest to the bathroom while Reiji plopped down onto the middle bed. As Natsuki unlocked and unzipped his trolley bag, he noted how much quieter Reiji was. If it were only the two of them or them and Ai, Reiji would be talking much more and making jokes that made them laugh and smile. He may even be jumping up and down on his new bed with a happy smile on his face. Now, however, Reiji was doing neither of it.

_Also..._

Looking at Reiji, who stepped down from the bed, Natsuki could feel the worry that had come earlier in the day stream back into his heart like a current at another memory.

_I can't help but worry... about what happened that morning after breakfast._

_"Some horrible thoughts came to mind. You don't have to worry about me."_

Reiji's words from a few hours ago echoed inside Natsuki's heart and a pang of pain pierced through him like a cold knife. At that time, as they were passing the wall of windows, Reiji had suddenly stopped walking, frozen on his feet. Immediately, Natsuki had stopped walking and turned to his friend, confused. And that confusion was quickly ensued by a deep anguish and worry. Reiji was staring ahead of him, but his expression gave Natsuki the impression that he was not truly looking at what was in front of him, but was instead trapped in his own thoughts. And was tortured... by them. His grey eyes were unfocused and blank, but also filled with pure hurt, and Natsuki called out to Reiji, shaking him on the shoulder. Reiji had told Natsuki, Camus, Ai and Ranmaru that they did not have to worry, but... that didn't mean that Natsuki wasn't worried. He couldn't not be worried. Not when Reiji had seemed unusually-distracted. Not when his eyes had been filled with tremendous hurt.

 _I'm saying this not only as your friend, but also as someone who has done the same thing over and over again,_ Reiji had told him about hiding their pain behind a smile weeks ago, the day after he first took Natsuki in. _As someone who puts on the best smile in front of everyone when his world is falling apart. As someone who has done all that and still does it and feels like a complete hypocrite by telling someone he cares about not to do it._

If Ren were not here, Natsuki would be asking Reiji if he was okay again, if the thoughts were still bringing him pain, if he wanted to talk about it before they had to work on their opening song. As Natsuki took his giraffe plushie out of his trolley bag and got up, he felt an arm wrap itself around him. His eyes widening in surprise, he turned to Reiji, who smiled brightly at him with a few laughs, his eyes radiating with warmth. Smiling back and wrapping an arm around Reiji, Natsuki hoped that the brunet was truly alright, that the thoughts were not hurting him.

_I want you to smile... without pain being behind your smile._

"Do you think the others are doing okay?"

Ren let out an amused chuckle.

"Hope Ran-chan and Baron aren't being too hard on Cesshi, Ikki and Shorty."

"We'll see when all of us meet up during lunch, won't we?" Reiji commented. "But I think all eleven of us can agree that we want this project to be a success regardless."

"There's a valid point there, Bukky."

Ren pulled himself off the bed and smiled at Reiji and Natsuki. "So wanna go to our assigned workplace and start working on our song?"

"Yeap," Natsuki answered, taking a small white pouch out of one of the pockets inside his trolley bag. He looked inside and found the teabags he wanted and smiled. "But is it okay if I go brew some lavender tea for all of us first? I thought that some lavender tea would help everyone relax and feel better about today."

"Aww!" Reiji beamed and hugged Natsuki. "You don't have to ask for permission for that! It's really sweet of you! Let's stop by the dining hall first then; I'll lend ya a hand!"

Natsuki's heart brightened as he hugged Reiji back. "Thank you, Rei-chan-senpai!"

"Me too, Shinomi."

A hand ruffled Natsuki's wavy blond hair and he looked up at Ren, whose lips were curved into a smile.

"It's really like you to think about everyone. We'll brew the tea together and then give them to everyone." His blue eyes turned mischievous. "I can't wait to see the look on Hijirikawa's face when I give him his tea."

"And I'll help bring the tea over to Myu-chan's unit!" Reiji added, slinging an arm around Natsuki as the latter zipped his trolley bag up. "It's gonna be hard for you to go from one unit's place to another, and no way are we gonna let that happen!"

"We got ya, Shinomi."

Natsuki looked at both Reiji and Ren and smiled brightly at them. "Thank you so much, Rei-chan-senpai, Ren-kun!"

Ren shook his head with a chuckle. "We're the ones who should be thanking you, Shinomi."

"Ren-Ren's right," Reiji agreed, pouncing onto Natsuki, whose eyes widened in surprise, and chortled. "You're the one who wanted to make tea on behalf of all of us." A sincere smile curved on Reiji's face. "So thank you, Nattsun."

"Thank you, Shinomi."

Beaming, Natsuki hugged Reiji back before the two of them got up and they and Ren proceeded to leave the room. With the pouch of teabags and yellow notebook in one hand, Natsuki took Reiji by the hand and pulled him with him, causing the latter and Ren to laugh, and they walked along the hallway towards the dining hall.

_It still worries me thinking if you're okay, Rei-chan-_ _senpai_ _. And it still hurts,_ _Ren_ _-kun, thinking that you and the rest of_ _Starish_ _would try to hurt the_ _senpais_ _and me, to break Ai-chan, Rei-chan-_ _senpai_ _and me apart..._

But even with the thoughts, Natsuki could feel warmth seeping through him as he pulled Reiji with him, with Ren walking with them, the three of them smiling together.

_But I still hope that we can smile together while living together and making music together, just like this, without any pain, without anything but warmth._

Ai Mikaze

_Based on my data and calculations, Natsuki, Reiji and_ _Ren_ _should already be at their assigned workplace._

Ai placed his laptop on the table and mentally sighed as Tokiya and Masato opened their notepads.

_As much as I am unable to trust_ _Ren_ _100%, Natsuki and Reiji have each other, and that provides a decent amount of assurance._

In addition to his incomprehensible idea of coercing Ai and the others to live together based on their opening units despite having the knowledge of how detrimental it could be, Shining had assigned the four units different workplaces for the day that were meters away from one another amidst the proximity of the mansion. Switching his silver laptop on, Ai recalled the different units and respective themes and workplaces that they all had:

**Unit 1: Ranmaru, Otoya, Cecil**

_Theme: Morality, Workplace: Lounge_

**Unit 2: Ai, Tokiya, Masato**

_Theme: Intentionality, Workplace: Lakeside_

**Unit 3: Reiji, Natsuki, Ren**

_Theme: Clarity, Workplace: Fountain Area_

**Unit 4: Camus, Syo**

_Theme: Sincerity, Workplace: Garden_

Intentionality. That was quite an unexpected theme.

Ai quietly observed as Tokiya and Masato glanced at each other, the three of them having barely spoken ever since he first moved in with them, unable to tell what exactly they were thinking. He still deeply suspected them to have intentions that he, Reiji and Natsuki wanted no part of. Research told Ai that intentions could either be good or bad and that the actions and words that were ensued by those intentions, specifically bad ones, could simply be tools utilized to mislead one's mind.

_Shining-san wants the theme 'intentionality' to be made into a song by the three of us_ _... when our intentions may completely contradict each other's._

Ai could not help but mentally shake his head at his eccentric boss' mind.

_Not only that, but..._

He quietly took in his brightly-lit surroundings.

_Why... of all the possibilities... did Shining assign this area to our unit?_

Ai, Tokiya and Masato sat at a white pavilion by the lake, with the soft olive grass shrouded by pale sunlight, the waters shimmering with tiny silver and white lights. It was one of the most serene areas at the mansion, and Ai liked the peace that the atmosphere granted him, especially since they needed that quality to focus on their song. Not to mention, the scenery was pleasant, to put it simply, and being surrounded by nature was not a bad thing, with the colours around them and the soft melodies of the birds and rustling of leaves. But those were easily blurred by the recollection of how this was the place that Natsuki would go to when he needed to be alone. By the memories of the countless times that Ai had let Natsuki walk away with pain in his green eyes without truly asking if he was okay, if he needed someone to talk to. By the thought of how many times he may have cried alone. Knowing that Tokiya and Masato were the people who were currently with him, Ai concealed his thoughts behind a calm exterior as he opened Microsoft Word in his laptop, but deep down, he could not help the pain that crossed his chest.

_I know that you do not hold me accountable, that you accepted my apologies with a sincere smile, but being here... by the lake that you went to alone without anyone to hold you, to be there for you..._

Ai hid a sad smile.

_... I can't help but sense this sadness... like being in this area, given my discoveries regarding you, is projecting your sadness onto me, Natsuki._

"What kind of song do you have in mind, Mikaze-san, Hijirikawa-san?"

Setting his thoughts aside, Ai faced Tokiya, who was holding his purple notepad in one hand and a black pen in another.

"From the word 'intentionality', I feel that we should go for a more mature and cool theme. Perhaps one with serious and dark demeanor."

Ai nodded, typing Tokiya's suggestions. Although Ai was to be cautious regarding Tokiya and Masato, exactly like he needed to be when it came to all of Natsuki's band members, the least that he could do was be courteous and not divulge any negative thoughts that he had regarding them and what they had done. At least that way...

... Natsuki would be a little happier, and that mattered deeply to Ai.

"I see the direction to which your ideas are headed and I agree," Ai remarked, his tone normal. "This does not sound like a song that would be frolicsome or joyful, so although this is an opening round, our aim will not be a song that energizes the listeners. Instead, a mature song with hints of mystery and eeriness that thrills them may be what we can attempt to create."

"Are you suggesting a story within the music?" Masato inquired, writing in his blue notepad with an ink pen.

"Either that, or lyrics that hint at a subtle one," Ai answered. At the very least, they were on speaking terms, despite their unspoken thoughts about the past.

"That sounds feasible for us to work on," Tokiya commented. He looked up from his notepad and offered Ai a small smile. "You are quite the thinker, Mikaze-san. The base of the song is coming together faster than I expected."

"Ichinose is right," Masato agreed. "Now we can move on to the narrative of the song."

Ai nodded briefly at the two Starish members. "I, too, am glad that we are being productive." Despite any underlying issues between the three of them, that statement was sincere. "For the narrative of the song, the first thing that we need to do is determine the situation and then decide on what the intention or intentions are."

"I suggest-"

"Icchi! Hijirikawa! Aimi! Working hard, I see!"

Masato's placid expression immediately disappeared into a deep frown as the three of them turned to face Ren, who was approaching them with a mischievous grin on his face. Ai was mildly surprised by the tea set that Ren was carrying with his two hands and he saw that his unit members were surprised and puzzled as well. Ren carefully placed the tea set on the pavilion's round table and grinned as he took the teapot and poured tea into the teacups, clearly enjoying the looks that were being given to him.

"Jinguji."

Masato's voice was heavy with suspicion and his blue eyes were narrowed.

"What in the world are you doing?"

"Why, I'm pouring lavender tea for my dear friends and rival," Ren answered in a gentlemanly tone, smirking at Masato.

"Since when do you volunteer to make tea for any of us?" Tokiya questioned as Ai concealed his thoughts behind a placid expression.

"That hurts, Icchi... Can't you show a little bit more trust for your friend?" Ren let out a chuckle as Ai, Masato and Tokiya all stared at him. "But anyway, the tea wasn't my idea. Shinomi was the one who took the initiative to make tea for everyone to relax, and Bukky and I lent him a hand in the brewing and the delivery."

 _Natsuki?_ Ai thought as Masato and Tokiya's eyes widened. _That makes sense - much more sense than Ren brewing tea for us._ His lips curved into a small smile. _It is typical of Natsuki to think of everyone and take the initiative to be kind._ Out of the corner of his eye, Ai noticed Ren watching him with a smile and his face immediately reverted back to a calm expression.

Nevertheless, Natsuki and Reiji were as kind as always, and Ai was grateful for that. And if the three of them were working together, that meant that everything was alright on their side, and that made Ai glad.

"Shinomiya-san made tea for everyone?" Tokiya questioned.

What Tokiya was not explicitly asking, Ai quietly noted, was, _For Starish as well and not only for Quartet Night?_

"Bingo, Icchi." Ren winked. "Bukky's sending the tea over to Baron and Shorty while Shinomi's headed to Ran-chan, Ikki and Cesshi." He sighed. "Ah, Shinomi's always been a really thoughtful guy."

"Thank you for brewing and bringing the tea over," Ai thanked Ren, taking a cup with his right hand. "Please tell Natsuki and Reiji 'thank you' too."

Ren grinned and gave Ai a thumbs-up sign. "You got it, Aimi."

Masato sighed heavily. "Although you are not someone that I usually express gratitude towards," Ren smirked at his blue-haired roommate as Masato spoke, "I suppose I have to say t-"

A bird's chirping interrupted Masato, sounding as though it came from nearby. Having the faint impression that he recognized the chirp, Ai looked around and his eyes widened when a white bird soared down towards him and landed on his right shoulder.

"Wait..."

Ai whispered, his mind reversing back to the past. When his memories finally overlapped with reality, Ai spoke again.

"You're that white canary from before, aren't you?"

The white canary chirped happily and although he would need Natsuki to have an accurate translation of the small bird's language, Ai was certain that he was right and gently held out his hand to the bird. The white canary accepted Ai's welcome and perched itself on his index finger, tweeting again.

"... Mikaze-senpai."

Ai faced Masato, who was staring at him in sheer bewilderment. Tokiya's eyes were widened and Ren appeared to be curious.

"Do you know that bird?"

Ai nodded. "Natsuki introduced Reiji and me to his animal companions when they approached him." He looked down at the white canary with mild fondness. "This canary was the first one that I befriended. It appears that it remembers me from before, although I will have to rely on Natsuki to translate its language."

Masato and Tokiya glanced at each other, neither of them saying a word but perhaps sharing the same thoughts, and Ai had the impression that neither of them were exactly glad. Then again, Ai could not be surprised; the main precaution that Reiji, Ai and Natsuki had to bear in mind was that the other Starish members did not approve of their closeness. Ren merely let out a chuckle as the white canary took a few steps on Ai's hand, the bird chirping happily, either disregarding or oblivious to the unsettling atmosphere between Ai and his unit members.

_Like a canary, Natsuki's intentions are pure._

Ren told Ai, Tokiya and Masato that he was going to meet Natsuki and Reiji at the fountain and waved them goodbye. Sipping his cup of lavender tea, Ai quietly watched as the canary fluttered its wings slightly, the movement too blurred for him to keep track of.

_Just like with the movement of a canary's wings, your minds are too unreadable for me to read, and I have no physical evidence of your intentions. However, regardless what your intentions are, Ren, Tokiya, Masato..._

The canary chirped a few times and fluttered away from them, leaving Ai with the two more mature and serious members of Starish, who made no more remarks about the bird and shifted the topic back to their song, with Masato asking what they had in mind for the storyline. Out of the corner of his eye, Ai watched as the lake's crystal-clear waters continued to sparkle under the sun's glow, like he was certain the kindness in Natsuki and Reiji's eyes always would.

_... my intention... is to ensure that none of you hurt the people that I promised to protect._

Syo Kurusu

"Why do you keep shooting down all my freaking ideas?"

"Because they are imbecilic and incapable of being forged into a masterpiece," Camus stated bluntly, his eyes closed as he forked a piece of his second slice of strawberry cheesecake.

"Imbecilic?" Syo repeated, his blood boiling, on the verge of losing it.

"If that was not clear to you, will words such as 'moronic', 'insubstantial' and 'asinine' suffice?"

"I got what you meant in the freaking first place and you know it!"

 _You freaking dolt!_ Syo yelled in his mind, scowling at the baron. Syo had been freaking out ever since that random generator put him in a private group with this sorry-excuse-of-a-senpai. Cecil had wished him the best of luck and warned him about how insane and ridiculous Camus could get, but it was only when he got the first-hand experience that Syo truly understood how much trauma Cecil had suffered from this dunderhead. Sitting in the garden, Syo resisted the urge to punch the living daylights out of Camus as the baron scoffed at him like he were the scum here. Not that Syo was well-off being with Ranmaru or Reiji; the former would bark at him like some dog while the latter would be all annoyingly mushy with Natsuki and make Syo feel like throwing a brick at him just so that he would shut up.

_Of all things, Shining gave us the theme of 'sincerity'. Seriously? When this royal is a two-faced dolt and does not even care about the basic concepts of being real to the point that he has freaking different voices depending whom he's talking to_ _?_

Syo mentally hissed as he grabbed his notebook and flipped over to an empty page.

 _You'd better put an end to this freaking soon, Ren_.

The night before, Syo, Otoya and Cecil had been expressing their fears and frustration towards the groupings. Syo had ranted over how the random generator seemed to favour Natsuki and Reiji, while Otoya and Cecil cried out their fear about being in a unit with Ranmaru. Seriously. How on freaking earth did Natsuki and Reiji get so lucky and get lumped in a group with each other while the rest of them would gladly get a reshuffle if they could? So much for getting Natsuki back in the dorms when all that had been happening seemed to pull him away from them and closer to Reiji and Ai, like the universe hated Syo. That was when Tokiya, Masato and Ren joined them and told them that they had a plan that would help Starish.

"What do you mean 'take advantage of the situation'?" Syo questioned. "This is as horrible as it can get!"

"This is a decent opportunity to bring Shinomiya-san back to us," Tokiya answered, crossing his arms, "considering that the groupings enable us to focus on the strongest link between him, Kotobuki-san and Mikaze-san."

"Natsuki and Rei-chan," Otoya said and Tokiya and Masato nodded.

"Mikaze-senpai is in Unit 2, so he will be away from Shinomiya and Kotobuki-senpai for majority of the time that we work on our songs," Masato explained, his eyes serious, "and Ichinose and I intend to keep it that way. Meanwhile, Shinomiya and Kotobuki-senpai have no choice but to work with and live with Jinguji."

"Ren can be crafty when he needs to be," Tokiya continued, glancing at Ren, who sat next to Cecil with his eyes closed and his arms folded. "Not to mention, he has his ways of getting others to let their guard down. Kotobuki-san is careful, but Shinomiya has always been trusting of us, regardless of what happened between us. So I believe that Ren can find a way to pull Shinomiya away from Kotobuki-san, and at the same time, Mikaze-san, and back to us."

"But doesn't that mean that we're using Natsuki's trust against him?" Cecil asked, his cyan eyes worried.

"That's what you're worried about?" Syo demanded, staring at Cecil, but Tokiya spoke before an argument could break out.

"That crossed my mind, Aijima-san, believe me. And if there was a better way of doing this, I would not resort to this either. However, bringing Shinomiya-san back is not just for our sake, but for his too. For all seven of us, as Starish. Like previously agreed upon, the closer Shinomiya-san gets to Kotobuki-san and Mikaze-san, the harder it will be for our group's dynamic to go back to the way it was before."

Tokiya narrowed his eyes.

"At the end, Shinomiya-san will understand that we are doing this for all of us."

 _Well, he doesn't now, that's for freaking sure_ , Syo thought as Camus began talking about some symbolism that they could use in their song. _If he did, we wouldn't even be in this complicated mess._

Syo mentally groaned as Camus' ideas got more and more beyond understanding.

_This is all freaking-_

"What are you doing here, Kotobuki?"

"Ehh?" A voice that Syo did not want to hear rang inside his ears and he spun around and faced Reiji, who was carrying a tea set and walking towards them. "Don't say it like you want me gone, Myu-chan! I was just bringing over some tea for you guys!"

"Is this one of your foolish pranks?" Camus questioned as Reiji approached their table.

"Nope!" Reiji answered with a smile. "Nattsun opted to brew lavender tea for all of us and Ren-Ren and I lent him a helping hand!"

"I feel that I need to call Shinomiya to verify. You and Jinguji are not the most trustworthy people I know."

"Hey!"

Syo merely stayed quiet as Camus poured himself a cup of lavender tea and Reiji smiled widely. When could this dimwit leave? He was really getting on Syo's nerves, especially with the fact that if it weren't for him, Natsuki would still be living in the dorms and this mess would not have freaking existed. Reiji turned and their eyes met in silence, but the brunet simply smiled before turning away.

"Nattsun said that he's really looking forward to all the songs."

Reiji tilted his grey fedora down and gave Camus and Syo a light smile.

"Let's all do our best so that we're all smiling, okay?"

Camus simply grunted and told Reiji to "leave his presence", to which the brunet whined, while Syo merely looked away. That blasted Natsuki. Being that optimistic, clueless dunce that irritated Syo from time to time again and again. Syo could hear footsteps and turned, only to see Reiji walking away and telling them that he was going back to his unit's workplace.

_This guy is really the worst._

Syo cursed the eldest senpai in his head.

_Smiling like a professional when he knows I blame him and all this comes down to him of all of 'em._

Cecil Aijima

"You guys are kinda stiff with your ideas."

Ranmaru frowned.

"I've seen ya guys do better."

Otoya and Cecil sighed at the same time. Their theme was "morality". To make what Ranmaru called a "banger", they had agreed on making the song about the clashing of people's morals, but they were struggling to decide on what morals they were going to choose. It was not that he and his fellow band member had run out of ideas. It was that they were not exactly comfortable with Ranmaru; far from it, actually. They had seen how furious Ranmaru was at all of them and how close he had come to punching Syo days ago, and Cecil felt like they were not working with a typically hot-tempered rocker, but a ticking time bomb that neither he nor Otoya wanted to see explode at their faces. Surprisingly, however, the silver-haired senpai had not yelled or barked at them yet.

Cecil glanced at Otoya, whose round red eyes were filled with worry.

_Still... we both can't seem to really relax._

"Maru-chan-senpai! Otoya-kun! Cecil-kun!"

"Natsuki," Ranmaru addressed the tall blond, who was smiling as he brought a tea set over to them, as Otoya and Cecil's eyes widened in pure surprise. "You made us tea, huh?"

Natsuki nodded with a cheerful smile. "Yeap! Ren-kun and Rei-chan-senpai helped me make tea for all of us and they're bringing the tea over to Ai-chan and Myu-chan-senpai's units now! I hope it helps you guys relax!"

"Thanks, kid," Ranmaru said with a half-grin. He gestured at Otoya and Cecil. "These two especially need it. They've been stiff like statues from minute one 'til now."

"It'll be alright," Natsuki assured them with a quiet chuckle as he carefully set the tray down on the glass table and poured tea for all three of them. "It can be really difficult at first, but I believe in you guys! I'm sure that at the end, you'll make an amazing song!"

"Thank you, Natsuki!" Otoya said with a bright smile as Cecil smiled too.

Natsuki beamed at them. "I'll be going now! Rei-chan-senpai, Ren-kun and I need to start working on our song. See you guys during lunchtime!"

"Yeah, see ya."

"Bye, Natsuki!"

"Bye!"

Natsuki sprinted towards a corridor and Cecil picked up the nearest teacup, from which white vapour spiralled up into thin air. The vapour was warm, just like Natsuki's heart.

"I dunno what you lot wanna try on him, but..."

Ranmaru's voice was strangely soft as Natsuki disappeared into the corridor.

"Don't go breakin' him just 'cause he's the one who'll smile regardless what ya do."

Cecil's eyes widened in shock as Otoya's did the same and they turned to Ranmaru, whose heterochromatic eyes held a grave stare.

"The guy's too nice for his own good; we all know that. He even thinks of you lot after you stepped over him like he was nothin'. If it were up to me, I'd hardly even look at ya, let alone speak to ya or make ya good tea for that matter."

Cecil lowered his eyes. That was rather hurtful and blunt, but Ranmaru had no ill will; Cecil knew that much. And Ranmaru was right; Natsuki had always had a warm heart, and that kind of heart was also his weakness.

_"Shinomiya has always been trusting of us, regardless of what happened between us. So I believe that Ren can find a way to pull Shinomiya away from Kotobuki-san, and at the same time, Mikaze-san, and back to us."_

_"And if there was a better way of doing this, I would not resort to this either. However, bringing Shinomiya-san back is not just for our sake, but for his too."_

Although Tokiya did say that they were doing what they were for Natsuki's sake as well, Cecil could not help the uneasiness threatening to swallow him alive. Cecil had not actually said it to their faces, but Natsuki had suffered too much. Cecil still had moments of terror in which memories of Natsuki collapsing before their eyes in the lounge area, unable to pull himself together, stabbed through his skull. There were even nights that Cecil could not sleep well because of the guilt of remembering how Natsuki had cried because of him and the rest of Starish.

_I really want Natsuki and us to all remain as best friends too, but..._

Cecil's heart clenched in his chest.

_... are we... actually being fair to him?_

"Point is ya gotta have more empathy in your souls."

Ranmaru's heterochromatic eyes were deep with emotion, but devoid of any anger or resentment, and his voice was even and somehow patient.

"All of you lot. 'Cause none of us wanna ever, and I mean _ever_ , see what happened days ago repeat itself ever again. He deserves better than that. Got it?"

Neither Cecil nor Otoya spoke. Otoya looked at Cecil, his red eyes filled with pain, and Cecil let out a sigh, unsure what to say. Was it just him or was Ranmaru being more caring than usual? Kinder too. He quietly sipped his tea as Ranmaru's eyes remained on both of them, the silver-haired male's face unreadable. Cecil could just say yes like he was forced to when Camus bossed him around back in the Master Course, but that could be interpreted as him throwing away the plan that Tokiya, Ren and Masato told them regarding bringing Natsuki back. Then again, did he really want to hurt Natsuki... again?

"Well, I'll leave ya kids to mull it over."

Ranmaru spoke casually, not looking at them anymore. Cecil and Otoya exchanged glances, and the former sensed that the redhead felt the same way he did.

"For now, we got a banger to work on. So don't go rigid on me, got it?"

Ranmaru Kurosaki

Thankfully Otoya and Cecil somewhat got their act together and came up with way more decent ideas than what they spouted out before not long after Natsuki left them to their devices. The three of them brainstormed some concepts that were worth the try and even agreed on incorporating some rock, which definitely made Ranmaru even more pumped about this round that Shining threw them all into, and got to play their instruments for awhile. And Ranmaru had to admit, although he still had his reservations with those two kids, it was nice making music with them.

Ranmaru didn't let his guard down, though. Although the experience wasn't actually nearly as bad as he expected when he was cursing Shining for his nonsensical junk, Ranmaru had seen how Otoya and Cecil reacted when he lectured them about Natsuki and it was more than enough to confirm that those punks were all up to something. Why else would they be speechless after he spoke? It wasn't so hard to choke out a "yes" whether or not they meant it, right? Unless it had to do with implications regarding their loyalty towards their group, with "yes" possibly meaning leaving whatever they had agreed upon. And when Ranmaru told Reiji, Ai, Natsuki and Camus about it when they had some time alone during dinner, in a lounge far away from the kouhais in the dining hall, none of them disagreed.

"Hmph." Camus scoffed. "They are so foolishly transparent that they cannot even conceal their acts properly."

"But from the way that Ranmaru described their reactions," Ai remarked, "Cecil and Otoya appeared to be quite hesitant, like they were torn between a number of decisions. Perhaps they are in doubt regarding their plan?"

"All the more reason to bet that whatever they have on their minds, we won't like it one bit." Ranmaru narrowed his eyes, his arms crossed as he looked around at the four males seated with him in the lounge. "So you guys had better watch your backs, got that? Especially you, Natsuki, Reiji. Of all of 'em, the Casanova's slick and sly. Keep that in mind, you two."

What Ranmaru did not go into much detail about, however, was the lecture.

The lecture that he did not even freaking think he'd even give but ended up doing so.

Reiji and Camus had tried asking for more details about what he lectured Otoya and Cecil about, but Ranmaru dismissed them, knowing that those two would not let it die down with comments like the ceaselessly-annoying "Aww, you sweet tsundere!" and the snarky "So you do care, you hot-headed fool." And Ranmaru could tell just by looking at Otoya and Cecil that those two were taken aback by the fact that he even brought the subject up the way he did, like he was some kind of magician pulling bunnies and cats out of a top hat. But whatever. He said what he said, and he ain't takin' any of it back. If it did shove some sense into their heads, then good. If it didn't, well, there went that less-than-subtle advice. But although Ranmaru did not and would never say it out loud, especially in front of the likes of Reiji, Camus and Ren...

... he did want those kids to take what he said seriously and act on it.

"Hey, Natsuki," Ranmaru called out as the five of them were heading back to the dining hall where apparently Shining wanted to check on how they were doing with a smile in the face of insanity.

"Yes, Maru-chan-senpai?" Natsuki asked, stopping in his tracks and turning to face Ranmaru.

As Ranmaru looked straight at Natsuki and the others stopped walking too, he recalled how the kouhai had bared his heart out to them last night. With his love for cute things and hugs, which Ranmaru could never relate to, and everything that he was and Ranmaru was not, Natsuki was not exactly the person that Ranmaru found himself agreeing with most of the time, not even close, although it was nothing like how much Ranmaru clashed with Camus. But the guy had soul - a really hefty and genuine amount of it - and that did not only apply to the way he played his viola and sang. Natsuki was genuine, selfless and real honest, and was definitely unafraid to sacrifice himself for others if he had to. He was real serious when it came to giving his all for the sake of those who mattered to him; that was crystal-clear to Ranmaru and the rest of his band members. And Ranmaru even felt something pulled within him when Natsuki told them about wanting to be stronger, about protecting those who mattered the most to him, and asked them if they would be with him all the way.

This guy... Ai had mentioned that this particular kouhai "deviated from data", and Ranmaru sure could see what his fellow band member meant. Ranmaru even went out of his way to lecture two kouhais about having more empathy towards Natsuki, and that was not something that Ranmaru would normally do. Not to mention, Ranmaru could have been way harder on Otoya and Cecil if he wanted to, yelled at them if he wished to, but he didn't, knowing all that would accomplish is hurting Natsuki even more. Deep down, honestly... Ranmaru felt for the guy. It couldn't be easy to be forced to stay in the same place that he had hidden his pain behind a smile. It couldn't be easy to move back after only days of permanently moving out, although Reiji was in a room with him and the annoying flirt and it was only temporary. And it definitely wasn't easy to look at all the band members that had hurt him when they were supposed to be looking out for him, to be reminded of the phantoms of his past whenever he passed them, when he made tea for them with that big, bright smile of his. Ranmaru had had his share of broken bands, abandonment and anguish, and he hated the idea of seeing what had happened to him unravel before his very eyes amidst the seven Starish kouhais. _That_ , he had to confess, made him want to look out for Natsuki all the more so than before. Knowing that Natsuki did not deserve to be haunted by his own phantoms wherever he went. So he looked Natsuki in the eye and spoke.

"You work really hard for everyone, but don't push it, Natsuki. Of all the things you shouldn't be pushing, it's yourself. If you're hurting, there's no wrong in slowing down, you know."

Surprise flashed across Natsuki's face as his eyes widened and all eyes were on Ranmaru. Soon Natsuki's face eased into a warm smile and he nodded.

"Yeap, I'll keep it in mind. Thank you, Maru-chan-senpai."

Reiji proceeded to grin teasingly at Ranmaru, calling him "sweet", and the latter scowled in return, telling the noisy brunet to shut up. But Ranmaru knew that Natsuki wasn't the only one dealing with phantoms in his head. As Ranmaru walked next to Camus, he observed as Reiji wrapped his arms around Ai and Natsuki, the eldest Quartet Night member laughing about something with a bright grin on his face. Ranmaru wasn't blind. He could see that something was up with Reiji when the brunet suddenly stopped walking and stared off in the morning; all of them noticed.

_Looks like you and Natsuki have quite the similarities, huh?_

Ranmaru couldn't help but feel grim recalling the two males' moments of weaknesses, how they both had phantoms in their minds, whether they talked about it or not.

_Just don't push it, alright? Both of you. I mean it._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Ai-Ai just texted us."

Reiji looked down at his cellphone and laughed.

"He said for you to go to bed as you just recovered from your fever a few days ago and... hey! Why is he saying that he'll give me a lecture if he finds you unwell tomorrow? I'm a responsible friend, Ai-Ai!"

Natsuki laughed as Reiji protested and texted Ai back. He and Reiji were in their shared bedroom with Ren. After Shining checked their progress on their opening songs and was satisfied, he dismissed them to their rooms, but also told them that for tonight, all of them were to remain in their rooms without leaving at any time to go to other rooms or elsewhere. With a wide grin, Shining had told them to have fun bonding, ignoring the sighs, groans and curses around him. For the past few hours, after taking showers, Natsuki, Reiji and Ren had been chatting while listening to music and playing games like cards and rhythm games. They laughed, smiled and talked a lot, and at one point, Ren playfully gave Masato a call, and the annoyed blue-haired hung up almost immediately. And now while Ren was in the bathroom, Natsuki and Reiji were sitting on the former's bed together, listening to music while chatting, smiling and laughing together, the former's yellow notebook open.

"Ai-chan's right about me needing to rest," Natsuki said with a faint smile, placing a hand over his forehead, inside which pain was throbbing through him, and winced. "I think I'm starting to get a bit of a headache." He looked at Reiji, who gave him a worried look. "I'm sorry that I can't stay up with you and Ren-kun longer."

"You don't have to feel bad about that, Nattsun!" Reiji assured Natsuki, wrapping an arm around Natsuki with a sincere smile. "It was really fun spending time together, but your health comes first and Ai-Ai and I want ya to be all well! You worked really hard today and you deserve all the rest you need. I'll tuck ya in, Nattsun."

Natsuki smiled and hugged Reiji. "Thank you, Rei-chan-senpai!"

Reiji laughed as he hugged Natsuki back. "You know I always got your back, right?"

"Yeap!"

Natsuki took his giraffe plushie and pulled the quilt of his bed down. As he set his yellow notebook on the bedside table and got onto the bed, Natsuki saw a hand take the comforter and neaten it. He turned and saw Reiji, whose grey eyes were soft and kind as he gently tucked Natsuki into bed, a smile curved by his lips. Natsuki smiled back and thanked Reiji again before slowly laying down on his bed, his body covered by the quilt from his chest up to his toes.

"Today ended up being really fun, didn't it?" Reiji remarked, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Yeap," Natsuki agreed as Reiji ruffled his wavy blond hair. "I'm really glad that everyone ended up having more fun and being happier than they were when Shining-sensei first told us that we had to work together. Everyone's songs sound really great too." He felt his lips ease into another smile. "It makes me really happy to know that everyone's working together and are happier than before."

Reiji smiled lightly. "I could practically see your eyes sparkling when everyone explained the concepts of their songs back in the dining hall. And I still remember how shy you got when Ren and I told everyone that you came up with the melody of the song already."

Natsuki smiled shyly, his cheeks reddening. "I didn't expect you and Ren-kun to suddenly say it to everyone!"

Reiji smiled widely and laughed. "Aww, you're being shy again! Seriously, you and Ai-Ai can be really cute loads of times! Expect me to get ya all shy and happy loads more times day after day, Nattsun!"

"Senpai!" Natsuki exclaimed with a laugh.

The two of them laughed and Natsuki looked at his yellow cellphone that laid next to his notebook, knowing that there was at least one message from Ai. Natsuki reached out for his cellphone and asked, "Is it alright if I text Ai-chan and you for a bit in the group?"

Reiji smiled. "Of course, Nattsun."

Natsuki smiled back and opened the group that Reiji had made for the two of them and Ai. Reiji had texted Ai about Natsuki's minor headache and Ai had given a serious statement for Natsuki to go to sleep immediately. Reiji joked about Ai being the parent of the group and Ai responded that Reiji was the oldest and still acted like a kid, to which the latter protested. Natsuki let out a few chuckles and texted that he was going to sleep and said goodnight to both Reiji and Ai, telling them to rest well too.

 **Natsuki:** I'm really happy today went really well. I hope all of us make so many more happy memories during the week and that Rei-chan-senpai and I get to spend more time with you, Ai-chan!

 **Ai:** I agree. Texting is not quite the same as being in one another's company in real life.

 **Ai:** Rest well, Natsuki. I will check on your condition during breakfast. And Reiji, please refrain from making too much noise while Natsuki is asleep.

 **Reiji:** HEY I'M NOT NOISY AI-AI

 **Ai:** A number of individuals would beg to differ. And before you bring Natsuki to your defence, bear in mind that I said "individuals", resting my case.

 **Reiji:** NATTSUN IS MORE THAN ENOUGH AS MY DEFENCE

Letting out a few quiet laughs, Natsuki shut his phone off and gently laid his head on his pillow, drowsiness seeping through him like a thick fog. Reiji turned his phone off as well and gave Natsuki a gentle squeeze on the shoulder, whispering with a smile for him to sleep tight and to not hesitate to wake him up if any bad dreams came. Natsuki nodded slightly and closed his eyes while hugging his giraffe plushie as Reiji slowly patted him on the shoulder. Thoughts started to flow into his mind like a pathway of stars and he slowly opened his eyes again and tilted his head up to face Reiji.

"Um... Rei-chan-senpai?" he asked in a half-mutter.

"Yes, Nattsun?" Reiji asked, looking down at him.

"Can I ask you one last question? Before I fall asleep?"

"You can ask me anything, Nattsun," Reiji said with a welcoming smile, chuckling a little. "What is it?"

_"I want to walk there together_

_So I'll have the power to protect"_

A few lines that he had written in his notebook for his solo song flowed through his head like kind stars spread across a night sky, flickering through the images of Reiji suddenly stopping in front of the windows with a pained look in his eyes, and he reached out and took Reiji's hand.

"Senpai... if you are in pain... please let us protect you too... alright?"

Reiji's eyes widened in pure surprise and Natsuki's eyes were nearly closed. Natsuki tried to fight off the sleepiness, but it kept shrouding his mind and vision, blurring his surroundings over like a slow lullaby. A hand soon squeezed Natsuki's and with every remaining ounce of his awareness, Natsuki tilted his head up to face Reiji, whose lips were curved into a soft, genuine smile.

"I will, Nattsun. Just like I promised you and Ai-Ai."

Natsuki smiled slightly and while his surrounding slowly faded into blackness, his heart glowed more and the smile remained on his face as the last thing that he saw was Reiji's warm expression.

_Let's walk together... Rei-chan-senpai..._

Reiji Kotobuki

_"Go die already, Reiji!"_

_"You freaking dunce!"_

_"You liar!"_

Reiji sat on the edge of his own single bed and looked out the window, watching as the stars scrutinized his every move from where they were positioned, their white lights blurring everything around them over, just like how the voices, the sounds, overlapped every other thought like shadows.

_"Why don't you just jump off a cliff and die already?"_

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, clenching his fists a little. He could not sleep. He had tried over and over again, knowing that he would need plenty of rest for the remainder of the opening round, but the memories, the voices, the cold words... all they did was assault him like a barrage of terrorizing bullets, haunting him with all the anger, grief, resentment and sorrow that overshadowed the bright memories of a past that he had ended up being burdened by. Now the thoughts had even assaulted him in the morning, when he, Natsuki, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru were walking by windows that greatly resembled those of Shining Academy, where he and his three former friends had once been happy together. And all of them had noticed it, especially Natsuki.

_I can't lie you guys._

Reiji smiled weakly.

_This is really burdening me, especially when all of you are fast asleep and I'm awake on my own._

Opening his eyes, he looked around the bedroom. The clock hanging on the wall indicated that it was eleven at night. Natsuki and Ren were both fast asleep, and Reiji smiled slightly as he watched Natsuki hug his giraffe plushie with a tranquil smile on his face, the sight making his heart relax. At least Natsuki was sleeping well. Reiji and Ai had been concerned that being forced back to the mansion would induce nightmares, but that was not happening so far, much to their relief. Not to mention, just about the whole day had gone smoothly. All the units had come up with satisfactory concepts and seemed to agree with one another, with the exception of Syo reluctantly going along with Camus' ideas. Reiji was more than glad for all of them; things were not exactly back to normal, but at the very least, nothing horrible had unravelled itself yet. However, his heart couldn't help the ominous feeling sinking through it, like everything had been _too_ peaceful, like they were all working together too well, like something was bound to shatter the only peace they had and let the broken pieces wrench through them like falling slivers of glass.

_Even if my own past keeps burdening me, I just..._

_"So that I have the strength..."_

_... don't want any pain burdening him or Ai-Ai..._

_"... to protect those who matter the most to me and be there for them no matter what."_

Taking a deep breath and letting it out, Reiji approached Natsuki's bed and his eyes fell upon the yellow notebook on the bedside table. Reiji had not looked through the notebook much. Natsuki had once told him that he was more than welcome to borrow the notebook anytime and remembering the memory, Reiji smiled lightly, appreciating the younger male's kindness, knowing that he really needed a distraction now. Not to mention, the notebook could also help him get to know Natsuki better, and it made Reiji want to look through it even more, So Reiji took the notebook and opened it, flipping through the pages. He saw the lyrics of a number of songs that they and Ai had listened to together, along with some that Reiji was not familiar with but decided to search up later. He smiled when he saw the lyrics to Ranmaru's "Bright Road" and Camus' "Zettai Reido Emotion" on the open pages, knowing how much Natsuki admired and looked up to the senpais.

_"Top Star Revolution"..._

Reiji came across one of Natsuki's solo songs and let out a chuckle.

_Even though it's not a slow song, it has a lot of emotion poured into it, Nattsun._

He smiled.

_You really have a pure, emotional heart._

He turned the pages again and that was when shock zapped through his chest. His eyes were wide open as he stared down at the all-too-familiar song written in black ink, at the title of the song and the lyrics, at the words ' _"Never...", by Reiji Kotobuki_ '. Of all his solo songs, Reiji had not expected to see "Never...", the song that best represented his true self, the song with the groovy tune and sorrowful lyrics that hinted at a man with a cheerful facade and a painful reality, written in the notebook of his best friend.

_"Tell me you're not burdened by this adult attitude_

_I can't seem to do anything right"_

Reiji knew that the notebook was where Natsuki put lyrics that meant a lot to him, and now he was wondering what Natsuki thought of the song. The fact that he wrote the lyrics down suggested that he may be the first one to grasp the depth of the song that most had overlooked, and the thought made a powerful surge of emotions nearly overwhelm Reiji.

_When I tell you and Ai-Ai all about everything, about Aine, Kei and Hibiki, about what has been burdening me..._

Remaining on the page that held the first stanzas of this solo song, Reiji looked down at Natsuki's sleeping figure and gently tousled his blond hair, the emotions unwavering as he smiled gently and closed his eyes.

_... honestly... I won't be surprised... if I end up crying in front of you, because more than anything... I don't want to lose you guys like I lost them._

Satsuki Shinomiya

Satsuki's eyes dilated in horror as reality crashed upon him like a building collapsing onto the ground. He cursed himself over and over again, chastising himself for everything. He should have known better - way, way better. He should have known the moment Natsuki broke down when Satsuki tried to force his way out of the person that he was supposed to protect. He should have known when the memories came flashing through Natsuki on their own accord, without Satsuki to filter and stop them from torturing the wounded male.

_No, this can't be happening! After all that's happened... for him to break again, for him to come crashing down, and this time, because of me..._

Satsuki's fists were trembling as he yelled out.

_Natsuki!_

Natsuki Shinomiya

His head was heavy.

As Natsuki walked with Reiji and Ai, he could feel his head getting heavier and heavier like a thickening, white fog as pain throbbed through his mind like an unstable heartbeat. When he woke up in the morning, Natsuki had expected his headache to heal, but it had only worsened, torturing him with a cold, relentless pain. Reiji had immediately called Ai, who came over to their room within a minute, and the three of them were now headed straight to the dining hall. Clutching his head tightly, Natsuki could feel a hand squeeze him tightly on the shoulder and he turned to Reiji and Ai, both who were looking at him with worried expressions.

"You need to eat before you can take any medicine," Reiji stated. He squeezed Natsuki on the shoulder again. "Ai-Ai has the medicine ready. You'll be fine, Nattsun."

"I find it peculiar that your headache worsened despite you having more than sufficient rest," Ai remarked, his eyes concerned. "I will have to do further observation to identify the cause, but for now, we will do what we can to alleviate the pain, Natsuki. Please bear it for a little longer."

Natsuki nodded, attempting to smile. "Yeap, I will-"

Before Natsuki could finish, his body was suddenly struck with a thousand jabs of pain, like a frozen wave had slammed against him, and he gritted his teeth, clutching his head even tighter. Almost immediately, images began to flash through his mind like cold lightning through a storm and the scenery before his vision transformed into a forgotten memory. The beach with that glistening sea and nightscape. The one that had come after Satsuki forced himself to emerge but was wiped out of his memory once Natsuki woke up, until today. An acute sorrow bloomed back in his chest despite not even understanding what the memory meant and he grasped his chest, barely able to hear what Reiji and Ai were saying as their voices tried to reach him.

"Nattsun-"

_"Natsuki!"_

Reiji's voice was cut off mid-sentence by the voice in his head. The voice that had spoken darkly in his head in the mansion last week. The voice that Natsuki had now come to recognize as Satsuki's, his alter ego who had been protecting him amidst causing destruction and terror. The images of the exact same place kept flashing inside his head, torturing his head and heart, as Ai, Reiji and Satsuki's voices overlapped with one another, their words ringing amidst the pandemonium in Natsuki's head.

_"These memories- They're spiralling out of control-"_

"Can you hear us, Natsuki?"

_"This is my fault. I shouldn't have forced myself out when it-"_

"I..." Natsuki started, his voice weak as he tried to focus his eyes on Ai and Reiji, whose expressions were pained and worried. "I... I can hear-"

The pain stabbed through Natsuki again and he flinched, clutching his head.

"Nattsun!"

_"Hang in there, Natsuk-"_

However, the strength in Natsuki's body dissipated and he felt himself falling forward, his knees giving in, his vision blurring over with the images flashing coldly in his mind. He could barely hear Reiji and Ai call out to him as he felt his body thud against the carpeted floor, unable to get up on his own, leeched of the only power it had. And right before his head fell onto the ground and everything went black, the last things that he saw and heard in his mind were the Prussian blue sky of a myriad of stars and the voice of the alter ego that had protected him and hurt him at the same time.

_"I'm sorry, Natsuki."_

_"That's right, I sing for your sake_

_We two are overlapping! By your strength..."_

\- "Southern Cross Waltz", by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kishow Taniyama)


	22. Incandescent

Reiji Kotobuki

_Why you?_

_Why did it have to be you?_

_Why did you do it? Why did you not?_

What vague, ambiguous and yet common statements. Open to different interpretations, open to different meanings, open to different emotions, actions and references. Those were questions with so many possibilities, but were found to be often used in terms of cruel emotions, like jealousy, rage, hatred, grief, just like the mere word "Why?" "Why did you have to be the one chosen over me?" "Why did you have to just to drag me down?" "Why are you here when you are nothing but a burden?" Questions that started the same yet had different meanings, that were all asked and heard by humans with hearts that were meant to have empathy and yet always ended up causing harm, whether it was accidental or on purpose.

But none of them were the reason that Reiji's heart was wrenched as he sat on the edge of Natsuki's bed and watched over his best friend, with Ai standing next to him and Ren on the other side of the bed. Looking down at the unconscious blond, Reiji held onto his cold hand just like he had done before and squeezed it tightly with a heart that would always wish for him to be alright, that would always want to make sure that he was alright.

 _Why..._ Reiji muttered in his head, _is it that the one who puts others before himself, even when he is at a vulnerable state, ends up being the one who has to suffer the most?_

Like the sound of a cruel shatter, the words echoed in his head dully, bringing with them a cold, resounding pain.

_Why... does it have to be you... Nattsun?_

The memories shattered through his throbbing mind like stained glass through a deep darkness and he barely held himself back from flinching. _Not again_ , was too simple and useless of a sentence to put into words the emotions that had struck Reiji like an unsparing arrow when Natsuki sank onto the floor more than an hour ago. Yelling out to him, Reiji dropped down and took his best friend into his arms, trying to shake him awake, unable to believe that this was happening again. Natsuki had just recovered a few days ago, but the pain had chosen to not leave him alone and instead, bring him crashing down again. As Ai placed a hand over Natsuki's chest and said that his heartbeat was faster than normal, Reiji heard Ranmaru yell out to him and he looked up, only to find the silver-haired rocker, Otoya and Cecil sprinting towards him, Ai and Natsuki.

"Rei-chan, what- Natsuki!"

"Oh no, Natsuki!"

"Reiji! Ai! What on freaking earth happened?"

Ai was the one who explained the situation to the Unit 1 members, telling them what had happened and how Natsuki collapsed. He told Otoya and Cecil to get Shining Saotome while he, Reiji and Ranmaru tended to Natsuki, and everyone complied. Within minutes, Natsuki was tucked into his bed and all of Starish and Quartet Night was gathered in Unit 3's bedroom with Shining standing in front of them and discussing the circumstances with them.

"Considering that Mr Shinomiya was mostly well and showed no signs of exhaustion," Shining said, his eyes grim, "this may be a direct consequence of the last time he collapsed, when Satsuki attempted to force his way out of Mr Shinomiya."

"That dunce again?" Syo exclaimed and Ranmaru and Camus shot him a glare, but Shining continued.

"However, I believe that that is not all there is to know regarding Mr Shinomiya's case."

"What do you mean, Shining-san?" Ai asked as Reiji's eyes shifted over to Natsuki, whose face held a serene expression that hid the pain and sadness that he held deep within his heart. The last time Shining had a discussion about Natsuki's condition, Reiji learned that Natsuki's heart would break if the strain on his heart did not end. Hiding a pained smile of his own, Reiji clasped Natsuki's shoulder gently, his heart thudding at the thought of what Shining was about to tell them. Regardless what it was...

... Reiji was not certain that his heart would be able to take anything worse than what he already knew regarding Natsuki's suffering.

"As you may already surmise from all the time you have known Mr Shinomiya, he is more complex than meets the eye," Shining explained. He looked around at all the ten idols. "Let me ask you this. Have you ever wondered how Satsuki came to life in the first place?"

Everyone, including Reiji and Ai, stared at Shining, gasps echoing after one another, neither of them able to say a word. The more Reiji thought about it, Shining did have a point. Natsuki was the first and only person among everyone that Reiji knew who had an actual alter ego, who had another person who shared the same body but had a personality that was the extreme opposite of his. How did Satsuki come to life in the first place? Before Reiji could get lost in the haze of his uncertain mind, Shining spoke again.

"Mr Shinomiya was not born with the Gemini Syndrome," Shining continued, his voice serious as Ranmaru and a few others' eyes widened, "if that's what you're thinking. I have done background checks on each one of you and looking through Mr Shinomiya's data, it appears that the first occurrences took place when he was still a primary school boy. His parents confirmed it as well; they filed me in so that I knew what to do regarding Mr Shinomiya."

"So Shiny-san," Reiji started, slowly processing everything, "if my understanding is correct, you believe that something happened to Nattsun which led to the appearing of Satsuki?"

"That is correct, Mr Kotobuki," Shining replied.

"Do you have any idea what happened?" Masato asked as Tokiya narrowed his eyes.

"No," Shining answered, shaking his head. "Neither do Mr Shinomiya nor his family. However, what happened must have caused Mr Shinomiya a great deal of trauma as a young boy and there is a likelihood that that trauma is making a reappearance due to the instabilities caused by Satsuki's actions despite Mr Shinomiya being unaware of it. Because from the way you described the collapse, this incident is definitely not Satsuki attempting to force his way through Mr Shinomiya again."

Deep agony cracked through Reiji's heart as he lowered his eyes to the unconscious Natsuki, the word "trauma" piercing through his mind and heart like a cold rain of needles. He knew that Natsuki hid a tremendous amount of pain amidst his own heart, and to think that there was even more agony that even he himself did not know about...

... it made Reiji wish that he could take the pain away, even if it meant bearing it in his own beaten heart.

"If what you said is true, Shining-san..."

Ai's eyes were concerned.

"... does that mean that Natsuki is starting to recall his past trauma?"

"It is possible, Mr Mikaze," Shining answered, nodding. "However, even if it is true, I expect none of you to coerce answers out of Mr Shinomiya. If what I said is correct, it means that the incident caused him a traumatic amount of pain and coercing him to talk about it will only harm him even more."

He looked all of them in the eye.

"None of us want that for Mr Shinomiya, am I right?"

"No, Shiny-san," Reiji answered firmly, shaking his head as everyone agreed with him. His hand tightened around Natsuki's shoulder. "We all just want Nattsun to be alright."

Reiji looked down at Natsuki and smiled painfully.

"Regardless what he remembers and doesn't, he's our dear Nattsun. Kind, beautiful Nattsun."

_And that'll never change._

The words that he had thought to himself back then resounded in his head as Reiji turned to Ai, whose teal eyes were tinged with sadness. After the discussion regarding Natsuki's condition, Shining had announced that all the units had the day off so that no unit would be too far ahead of the others as Unit 3 would not be able to resume working on their song without Natsuki. Shining had also requested for Reiji, Ai and Ren to look after Natsuki, which Reiji and Ai would have done regardless if they were told to or not. _And that'll never change._ The four words brought emotions welling up inside Reiji's aching heart as Ai turned to him and gave him a pained smile.

_Your kindness never changed all these years, hasn't it, Nattsun? But that means... neither has your pain, your sorrow... because that kindness, that person that you have always been... hurts you. Because from every moment that I've lived, I know that the kindest people... suffer the most._

Reiji forced a smile as he watched over Natsuki, hoping their best friend would wake up soon so that they could hug him, hold him, ask him if he was hurt, if there was anything that they could do for him.

_That's why I'm asking why... does it have to be you... Because a kind person... doesn't deserve to be hurt like this..._

"I hope that Shinomi wakes up soon."

Ren's eyes were tight with concern and his arms were folded as he looked at Reiji and Ai. Although neither Reiji nor Ai, let alone the rest of Quartet Night, understood why Shining decided to let Ren take care of Natsuki as well, they did not have a problem with it as long as Ren did not do anything to try and hurt their best friend.

 _At least it wasn't the pipsqueak_ , Ranmaru had muttered under his breath as Camus narrowed his eyes.

"I can't get sensei's words out of my head. To think that Shinomi could contain so much pain from way back and he still tries so hard for everyone..."

Ren's voice was quieter than usual.

"... it just makes me want to see him smile even more. More than before."

"I have a tendency to disagree with you on more than 95% of matters," Ai commented softly, "excluding online games... but I cannot refute that, Ren." His eyes met Ren's. "Let's hope that Natsuki is alright, okay?"

Ren let out a small chuckle, his sapphire eyes lightening a little. "You got it, Aimi."

That would never change either. Reiji would never stop hoping that Natsuki was alright, would never stop trying to make sure that Natsuki was fine, even if he himself was not. But if Reiji wanted to change anything, it would be the pain that Natsuki was suffering in his own head and heart. Not only was he tortured within himself even when his eyes were closed, but agonized by cold reality, by band members who did not treat him as an equal part of them and by a situation that forced him to walk past them with a smile and his eyes open.

_Nattsun..._

_"Why is it that you're the one who's still here?"_

The phantoms that had haunted him for years now ambushed Reiji coldly in his head and he barely refrained from flinching. Before Natsuki and Ai lit a glow in his heart, that had been the question that would never fail to haunt Reiji regarding Aine. However, after all the memories and emotions that he had shared with his two best friends, right now, with Natsuki's hand in his, Reiji could see the question take a completely different statement and bring both an old and new acute sorrow within him as the cruel questions from the past stabbed through him.

_Although you'd easily disagree with me, Nattsun, between the two of us..._

_"Why didn't you just drown yourself in the ocean and die?"_

_... I'm the one... who deserves to bear the burden of pain, not you. And yet_ _..._

Reiji forced a smile.

_... you're suffering alone in your head and heart._

He squeezed Natsuki's hand tightly.

_I don't want you to be alone in your pain, Nattsun._

Natsuki Shinomiya

_"I'm sorry, Natsuki."_

Pain flashed across Natsuki's head again as the last words that Satsuki, the alter ego who had hurt and protected him, had said to him echoed softly like lyrics in an empty music hall. Satsuki had blamed himself. Although Satsuki did not finish his sentence, Natsuki understood what he was telling him. Satsuki was referring to the time when he had forced himself out of Natsuki, when Natsuki broke down and he ended up punching Reiji in the face while the latter was trying to protect Ranmaru. With a blurred vision, Natsuki placed a hand over his chest, quietly noting the deep sadness that accompanied the soft, rhythmic thumping of his heart. There were countless of times in which he did not understand why he was feeling sad. Now was one of them. He knew that a part of it was because he knew that Satsuki blamed himself and wanted the alter ego to know that it was alright, that he did not blame him for this. That Natsuki knew that Satsuki was trying to protect him. But everything else... was what Natsuki could not seem to understand.

_Why.. can't I understand this sadness... even though... it's mine...?_

_"These memories- They're spiralling out of control-"_

"Memories...?" Natsuki whispered softly, confused by Satsuki's words from before. "What does he-"

He was cut off mid-sentence by the cold agony lancing through his head and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly as white light flashed before him. Moments later, he slowly opened his eyes, and he found himself standing in the scenery that he had forgotten before, on the beach and under the night sky that he could not link to any of the fragments of his own memories. The stars ornamented and adorned the vast Prussian blue sky, fairy lights across the world's canvas, and their twinkles were reflected down on the slow, undulating waves of the sea. Natsuki had to admit that it was a beautiful sight that would easily capture the hearts of those who could see it; if things were different and he knew where this was, he would bring Reiji and Ai here with him so that they could gaze at the stars together from this place and enjoy the calmness that the waves brought with one another's company.

But he didn't know where this beach, this sky, was. If it were not for Satsuki's words that confirmed the images as memories, Natsuki would not even have been sure that this place existed. And even as he stood on the soft sand, he could feel his own heart throbbing softly with the same unexplained sadness that only amplified as the waves grew a little louder, with questions that he had no answers to, with memories that had come and gone only for him to somehow be given back.

 _These aren't... all there is... to the memories I don't remember..._ Natsuki asked softly in his head, _are they...?_

"No, they're not, Natsuki."

Natsuki's eyes widened in shock. "... Sat... Satsuki...?"

"Yes, it's me, Natsuki." The voice was even, unlike when Satsuki was blaming himself back then. "The memories that were returned to you because of my mistakes... that's not all of the story. Of what happened so many years ago to you. You were not supposed to remember yet or at least, the way you did. Not by suffering the way you did and I was supposed to prevent that from ever happening."

Satsuki paused for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Natsuki."

Natsuki shook his head, glancing around for his alter ego. "It's okay, Satsuki. I understand now. I used to think of you as someone who hurt others, including the people I care about the most, but now I know... that you just wanted to protect me."

His lips formed a sad smile.

"I'm sorry... Sacchan."

"Sacchan..." He sounded confused for a moment, but his voice soon turned serious. "Don't ever apologize when you did nothing wrong, Natsuki. Especially not to me. You couldn't have known. Especially when the truth about me shattered upon you like that and I lost my temper more times than I even kept track of."

Natsuki let out a quiet chuckle. "You're a really kind person, Sacchan."

"That's my line."

Natsuki smiled slightly, but soon his thoughts shifted and he felt his heart clench a little. "Sacchan... why is it that I can't remember what happened last time? All I can remember are these waves and sea and sky and I don't understand why all of it makes my heart hurt, brings me so much sadness and pain..."

The waves swept forward and back and he lowered his eyes.

"Can you please... tell me why... Sacchan?"

"I can't, Natsuki." Satsuki sounded guilty. "Not yet. It'll be too much for you to bear."

"But I don't understand-"

"If I say more, it might bring back even more memories when it's not time yet." His voice was filled with urgency. "And with so much pain in what you don't remember, it might be way too much for you to take and I don't want to risk your heart breaking apart."

The sadness only welled up inside his heart like cold waves and the memory of seeing Reiji cry and Ai's eyes tight with pain flickered inside his head and Natsuki could feel tears flow into his eyes at the thought that ensued.

"Natsuki-" Satsuki started.

"Sacchan, is it... because of me...?"

Natsuki took a deep breath and let it out, his lips quivering a little as the alter ego gasped.

"Natsuki-"

"Is it... because..." his heart cracked at the cruel possibilities, "... because... I hurt someone? Because it hurts so much, even though I don't remember, and what hurts me... more than anything else... is when someone else, especially if it's someone I love and care about, gets hurt."

Warm tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Is that what happened... Sacchan...?"

"Natsuki..." Satsuki's voice was quieter. "Listen. Listen to yourself for a moment. Does that sound like a person who would cause someone so much pain? Does that sound like someone who would hurt someone else so much to the point that his memories had to be suppressed because of the damage done, because he did something that he could not live with?"

Natsuki's eyes widened as his heart trembled in his chest.

"Because that's not what I hear. And definitely not what I know. Only someone with a kind heart would think that way. Only someone who puts others before himself would say all that. Of all the years of watching over you, I know for sure that that's the kind of heart you have - a kind, selfless one. So you're wrong, Natsuki. Because all that you just thought about why I'm not letting you remember is way off the mark. You're too nice to cause so much harm to others and as much as I still don't trust those two, the clown and android are right about that."

The words pulled at his heartstrings as Natsuki drew in a breath and let it out, his hand wiping his tears away as a few more dribbled down his cheeks. "Thank you... Sacchan." He smiled weakly. "I'm glad... it's not because I hurt someone else..."

"Tch." Satsuki sighed. "There's no need to thank me. I was just stating facts, ya know."

"But then if it's not because of that..." Natsuki asked softly, his heart still beating with a deep, unwavering sorrow, "then what happened... Sacchan...? Why is it... so painful-"

Suddenly, a pang of agony dug through his head, twisting through his thoughts like a cold blade, and Natsuki flinched.

"Natsuki!"

His eyes squeezed shut tightly. "Sacchan..."

The pain intensified and the images of the waves and night sky flickered inside his head and the tears flowed down his cheeks again, past his restraint, unable to be stopped by his own wavering heart. What could have happened... that caused so much pain...? So much pain that his memories had to be suppressed to stop his heart from falling away and apart...?

"You're starting to wake up in reality, Natsuki."

Satsuki's voice could barely be heard as his head throbbed painfully and he tried to hold onto the alter ego's voice, to his protector's words.

_I want the strength to end this sorrow..._

"Stay strong and keep going, Natsuki..."

"Sacchan..."

As he whispered his alter ego's name softly, the images in his head slowly blurred over and faded away like the sound of a spring breeze and within moments, all that Natsuki could see was pitch black amidst the throbbing of his head. He could no longer hear the sweeping of the waves either and the air felt different, warmer. Slowly, Natsuki let his eyes flutter to an open and saw a blur of colours swimming in his vision. He blinked a few times as his eyes cleared and soon, he found himself staring up at the blank ceiling, of which the flurosecent lamps were off and the only light came from what Natsuki guessed was one of the night lamps in the room.

_The waves and the night sky... are gone... So is_ _Sacchan_ _..._

Images of the scenery and the words that Satsuki had told him flickered and echoed inside his head and Natsuki could feel sorrow sweep through his heart like those gentle waves that somehow remained in his mind upon waking up, unlike last time, and it made tears threaten to fall all over again.

_But the emotions, the memories... they're still here..._

His head throbbed a little and he was about to reach his hand up to it when he noticed that another hand laid on top of it. Puzzled, Natsuki tilted his head to the left and his eyes widened slightly. Reiji was sitting on a wooden chair by the bed. His fingers were curled gently around Natsuki's hand and with his body slumped forward, his head laid sideways next to Natsuki's on the mattress. Natsuki quietly pulled himself up into a sitting position and watched as his best friend remained fast asleep, the brunet's grey eyes closed in a serene expression and his layered brown hair slightly disheveled.

 _You stayed up to look after me... didn't you, Rei-chan-_ _senpai_? _You and Ai-chan and everyone else must have been really worried..._

Natsuki smiled weakly, wrapping his own hand around Reiji's gently, guilt and agony twisting his heart.

_You guys would want to know that I'm awake now and I don't want to fall asleep again, only to make you worry even more..._

Natsuki lowered his eyes.

_Should I... wake you up-_

"U-Ugh..."

Reiji groaned softly and Natsuki's eyes widened as the brunet stirred a little. Slowly, Reiji's eyes opened and he yawned a few times. "Ugh... Looks like Ai-Ai was right about me needing more gaps in the night shift..." His eyes then fell upon their hands and they widened in confusion. "E... Ehh...?" He looked up and froze when he saw Natsuki sitting on the bed, his sleepiness instantly dissipating, only to be replaced by pure shock.

"Nattsun...?" he uttered softly, his grey eyes staring straight into Natsuki's green ones, glimmering with emotion.

Natsuki smiled softly at Reiji, warmth seeping through him. "Rei-chan-senpai."

"Nattsun..." Reiji muttered, his voice barely audible, "oh God, Nattsun..."

He leaned forward and pulled Natsuki into a hug, his arms wrapped tightly around him. "You're awake, Nattsun... We got so scared and now I... I'm so glad you're okay. I'm so, so glad - you can't even begin to imagine it." Nodding slightly, Natsuki wrapped his arms around Reiji and held him tightly, whispering an "I'm here, Rei-chan-senpai," guilt twinging his heart. _I'm sorry..._ Tightening the hug, he cracked a gentle smile, wanting Reiji to be able to smile, wanting them to be alright, sorry that he couldn't wake up sooner and hold Reiji like this, that Reiji and Ai got so scared for him to the point that the latter was muttering the words like he was terrified that Natsuki would disappear if he didn't, if he let go.

_I don't want you guys... to be sad..._

Somehow the sentence brought the images of the waves flashing through his head and it brought the same acute sorrow wrenching through his heart, and it took all of his effort to stop the tears from falling as he held Reiji even tighter.

_So why can't I... end this sorrow... when I just want all of us... to be able to smile...?_

"You're trembling... Nattsun."

Reiji pulled away and placed his hands on Natsuki's shoulders, his grey eyes flooded with worry, as Natsuki's eyes widened slightly.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm..." Natsuki looked down at his hands, only now noticing that Reiji was right, "... trembling-" Suddenly, agony pierced through his head and heart and without even giving him a chance to stop them, warm tears rolled down his cheeks like rivulets as the images flickered inside his head again, twinging his heart with sheer anguish and sorrow. It was Reiji's turn to widen his eyes as Natsuki tried to stop the tears from falling, not wanting to cry when it would only hurt Reiji even more.

_W-Why..._

He saw the memory of the stars, remembered how Satsuki had told him to stay strong and keep going, and the painful warmth of his tears lingered on his cheeks as he tried to stop even more from falling, only to fail.

"N... Nattsun?"

_Why... does it have to hurt so much... to the point that I can't stop these tears... this painful warmth?_

"Nattsun, what's going on in there?" Reiji asked quietly, his grey eyes flooded with agony and worry.

Natsuki took a deep breath and let out a trembling one and Reiji tightened his hold on his shoulders.

"Are you... are you hurt?"

"It..." Natsuki's voice cracked as he tried to speak, his hands trembling even more as the tears slipped down his face."It hurts... Rei-chan-senpai... It h-hurts... It hurts so much..."

"It'll be okay... Nattsun."

Reiji gave his shoulders a gentle squeeze as the sorrow continued to drown his heart away, trying to reassure him.

"Talk to me, Nattsun," he spoke gently, smiling faintly, tousling his wavy hair a little. "You can tell me anything and I'll be right here with ya, no matter what. You know that."

"I t-tried... not to c-cry, to let these tears fall, but... they won't stop. I d-don't w-want you and A-Ai-chan and everyone else... to be sadder... and more worried... but it's so painful, Rei-chan-senpai," Natsuki uttered after giving Reiji a shaky nod, his words trembling like each breath, "The m-memories t-that I... can't understand keep flashing in my head and they just keep hurting me even more and it... it just makes me more a-and more sad when I j-just want you guys to smile and it s-scares me... so, so much... and it won't stop hurting..."

Reiji's grey eyes reflected the anguish in Natsuki's heart as Natsuki choked on a sob, the latter's heart cracking more and more as his words broke apart like glass wings.

"I want... to stay strong... I didn't want... to end up crying when it... would o-only make you and Ai-chan and everyone sad... I d-d-don't want... you guys... to be scared... that I'd break or you'd lose me... and I'm trying so hard... to be stronger... to be able t-to protect you guys and..."

Lowering his eyes, Natsuki reached up to wipe his tears away with his sleeve, sniffling.

"T-This sadness... it makes me feel s-so... so... w-weak... and I-I don't even k-know... how to end it..." Natsuki let out a broken sob and wiped at the tears in his eyes, "I- I..."

"It's okay, Nattsun," Reiji assured him, gently interrupting him with an agonized smile as he pulled Natsuki into a half-hug. "Please don't force yourself to speak when you can't. It's okay."

A low creak filled Natsuki's ears and they turned to the door, only to find Ai slipping through the doorway into the room. Ai's teal eyes widened a little when he saw Natsuki, and the latter was unsure if his best friend and mentor was surprised by the fact that he was awake or by his tears.

"A-Ai... chan...?" Natsuki uttered softly.

Sadness filled Ai's eyes as Natsuki felt Reiji tighten his arm around him, the sight wrenching Natsuki's heart. Beside Natsuki, Reiji smiled weakly before speaking.

"How about we go outside for a bit to calm down, Ai-Ai, Nattsun?"

Ai Mikaze

_Trauma._

_According to data based on my Google search, trauma is defined as "emotional shock following a stressful event or a physical injury, which may be associated with physical shock and sometimes leads to long-term neurosis," as well as "a deeply distressing or disturbing experience". Injury. Shock. Deeply distressing. Words that highly imply an unspeakable amount of agony, deeply-rooted with grief and torture._

Ai looked down at the blue flames lit on the stove below the silver kettle, a quiet agony sweeping through his beatless chest.

_I doubt that the agony that somehow has been sensed within me is considered "trauma", but I am certain that Natsuki's is, at least a part of it... and I sincerely wish... for all of the hurt, both the trauma and anguish, to end._

Natsuki was in the shower and Reiji was waiting for him. Ai was brewing tea in the mansion's kitchen for all of them, having taken three of Natsuki's peppermint teabags. Natsuki had offered to help, but Reiji and Ai had gently refused, telling him to rejuvenate himself while they handle it for him.

 _You always think of us even when you're in pain_ , Nattsun, Reiji had said, smiling faintly at Natsuki, _but please let us look after you now, just like you have always looked after us, alright?_

Ai could not phrase it better than Reiji did. Thin white vapour wafted out of the kettle's spout and Ai immediately turned the stove off, his heart containing an unsettling feeling that he knew would not be diminished, unlike the vapour that would fade the higher it rose into the air, until Natsuki was alright. As Ai started to pour the hot water into a yellow mug, he could not help but think of the irony of the situation. How ironic it was that the person whose smiles warmed Ai on the inside was the one who taught him about grief, trauma and all these painful emotions that he would never be able to understand or develop a sense of empathy towards on his own.

_Irony... can be painful at times, can't it? The person who heals others' pain is the one who suffers the most. The person who tries to make everyone around him smile is the one who has shed the most tears. Why is it that such excruciating agony has to revolve around someone like Natsuki?_

The scent of the peppermint tea calmed Ai a little, but it would never be enough to heal his pain, let alone Natsuki or Reiji's.

_And it's not only Natsuki._

Ai could never forget the pain that had flashed across Reiji's face yesterday morning, when the latter suddenly froze in his footsteps and stared off, like he was not present. Neither could Ai erase from memory how quiet Reiji had been ever since Natsuki collapsed, to the point that Ai and Ren did more than 90% of the talking while the three of them were awake, and how he was by far the most affected by the circumstances. Reiji was more mature than he let on, moreover more complex and intelligent. All of Quartet Night knew it, although he would always stand out as the comedian of the group.

_The one who tries to make others laugh is the one who hides so much within dances, to the point that his cheerfulness is in actuality a facade, a lying mask. The one who danced and sings and jokes around on a daily basis is the one who stays quiet about his own wounds and pain the most._

Ai lowered his eyes as he set the kettle back down on the counter, the anguish intensifying like the sound of a cold gale, heard and felt.

_Knowing all of this pains me, but the fact that you choose to not hide it from me grants me a kind of comfort, Natsuki, Reiji, and I hope that remaining by your side... gives you the same comfort._

Natsuki Shinomiya

The lake was nearly soundless, more quiet than most of the nights during which Natsuki had visited it back when he was still living in the dormitories. With a sky painted a dark shade of sapphire and dusted with powder-like stars, the lake of crystal-clear water was just as tranquil and silent, reflecting the motionless full moon's ever-flowing incandescence, moving ever so slightly. It was a place that Natsuki had always gone to alone at night. It was the place that he would go to when the river felt too faraway to go to, when he was too tired to walk and had too little time and too much pain to contain behind the broken assurances of "I'll be fine" and "I just need a little bit of time". It was the place where he would listen to the crickets, spot fireflies, gaze up at the stars and towards the moonlit lake, where he would let him truly breathe. It was where he would go to when the sorrow and agony were too much for him to refrain from being seen, where he would sit and let his thoughts and sometimes, tears, flow out, like the stars, like the water, tranquil, silent and wordlessly.

It was a place for quiet solitude, even if he could only manage to stay for a few minutes. But tonight was different. It was different as he did not come alone. He sat between Reiji and Ai on a bench near the pavilion with mugs of peppermint tea, looking out at the lake and sky before them, watching as the moonlight glowed on the surface of the water. Reiji's left arm was wrapped gently around Natsuki's shoulders and the latter felt his heart throb at the thought of how much sadness his best friends were feeling as they sat together. And that was not the only thing that made it different. Normally, if Natsuki did come here with tears within himself, no one noticed before. Even if Natsuki happened to run into the others, he would hold the tears back and they never noticed. But this time, Reiji and Ai had seen his tears before any of them even suggested going out to the lake.

_It's a place where there is no need to hide tears, because they know and it's okay._

The crickets chirped a little as Natsuki held his yellow mug of tea on his lap.

_But now it's me... who doesn't know what to think when it comes to these tears, this sadness... If it's really okay to cry... if I want to be stronger for everyone._

"I can hear your head processing an abundance of thoughts, Natsuki."

Ai's teal eyes were filled with concern.

"The pain in your eyes. Your lack of words. The way your hands would occasionally tighten and loosen around your mug of tea. The broken, tearful expression on your face when I discovered that you regained consciousness. They tell me that your thoughts are heavy with emotions that pain you, that are difficult to be put into words."

He gave Natsuki a small smile.

"However, please let yourself be at ease, Natsuki. If it puts you at ease, we can all stay here until morning arrives to signal breakfast and reporting to Shining-san. There is nothing that Reiji and I would like rather than knowing that you are alright."

"Yeap." Reiji gently tousled Natsuki's blond hair and smiled gently. "We're not leaving you. Even if you can't say a word, even if you can't bring yourself to talk about what happened, it's okay."

Natsuki lowered his eyes in guilt and pain, knowing that they were in pain too. He wanted to tell them about everything, wanted to let them know, to understand, knowing that it, at least, would heal them from the pain of not knowing, of being confused and unable to understand. But how could he begin to explain this sadness, these memories, when they all overwhelmed him to the point that he broke down even though he wanted to hold back the tears and be strong for them? Above the lake, the moon was glowing, its white sheen unwavering, its kindness its light that would always be reflected on the lake's surface like a mirror, illuminating what could have been a much colder night, just like how the stars painted a road that would always guide the lost and crying throughout the darkness of the night.. The moon and stars kindly reminded him that he had a place where he could let everything that he had been holding back flow out freely, gently, and that it would be okay, reminded him of how he wanted to be like them, to be able to light up the darkest of nights for those who mattered to him.

_This silence... isn't enough of me to give them... to Rei-chan-senpai and Ai-chan..._

He let out a soft, white breath out into the cold night, his heartbeat thrumming painfully.

_Of all places... where I've held back and refrained everything from overflowing, it's here, it's them... where I can never do that..._

"I can't... Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan."

"You can't what?" Reiji asked, confused as Ai tilted his head in puzzlement.

"I can't... just stay quiet and not say a word," Natsuki said in a near-whisper as he placed his mug back onto the tray on the viridescent grass. Before he knew it, the words were flowing out as the thoughts ran across his head. "I can't just not talk about what happened. It's with you guys that I don't want to hide anything or hold anything back. Like how the moon and the stars let their light flow out into the night no matter what... I want to be able to do the same with you guys. I'm not forcing myself, and that's because I know I want to tell you guys. Because I trust and love you guys so much and that's how... I know. I know that you guys mean it when you say it's okay to cry, that I can tell you anything, and that, more than anything... gives me courage and strength..."

Natsuki slowly placed a hand on his chest, his heartbeat interlaced with sorrow.

"What scares me... are these tears and sadness," Natsuki confessed quietly, the words disappearing into the soundless night. "These memories that give me so much sadness that they break me on the inside even when I can't understand them, that make me feel weaker the more I cry and can't stop the tears. I want to be stronger. I want to be able to protect those who matter to me, to be able to overcome this sadness, this pain. Yet... the more the memories come, the more sadness comes and then... the tears just flow out. In my head, Sacchan told me to stay strong and keep going and yet... yet..."

A lump was formed in his throat and he let out a quivering breath, lowering his eyes.

"Yet... I feel like... I'm letting him and you guys down. I'm only making you guys sad... by crying and being unable to overcome this sadness when I just want... to truly be here for you."

When he said the last word, the memories of the night sky of stars and the waves flashed inside his head again and he flinched, clutching his chest even tighter. Was he not doing enough? Was he not trying hard enough? Was his all not enough? Was he... not enough? As Ai gently rubbed his back, Natsuki released another cold, broken breath, unsure of what Reiji and Ai would say, scared that if he said another word, he would cry again. Natsuki knew that he was weak, whether or not Reiji, Ai, Satsuki, Camus or Ranmaru said it out loud or believed that he was. He was trying so hard not to be, but then this sadness only seemed to break all his efforts like glass, and that would only hurt everyone who cared about him. And if he could not end his own sadness...

... how... could he heal everyone else's...?

"You said that you wanted to be like the moon and the stars, Nattsun."

Reiji's words were soft with understanding.

"'... how the moon and the stars let their light flow out into the night no matter what.' It's that kind of strength that you want to have, isn't it? To be able to let your light flow out with us regardless what happens, to be a light that can guide others and make them smile. You once told me that you wanted to be a star to bring happiness to others, to be able to make us all smile. But bringing happiness to others, Nattsun... that doesn't mean that you have to be strong all the time; it's impossible. It's impossible to smile and mean it every single moment, because everyone has their painful times, everyone has their weaknesses, and it's okay."

Reiji's arm tightened around his shoulders and Natsuki slowly looked up at him, only to be met with kind, gentle grey eyes.

"And besides, Nattsun, crying doesn't mean that you're weak. You're far from weak, ya know." Reiji took Natsuki's hand in his and squeezed it gently. "To have a heart with so much kindness, to have a heart that holds not only your pain but ours... it takes an incredibly strong person to hold onto and embrace that kind of heart with a smile on their face, and that's you, Nattsun. That has always been you. You are your own kind of moon and stars all in one heart, mind and soul, in all that you are, and as your best friends, we don't ever want that to change. That's who you are, Nattsun, and we love that about you."

"But that does not mean that it is not okay to let yourself rest when the pain is too much to contain."

Ai placed a hand on top of Natsuki and Reiji's, and his lips formed a faint smile.

"Precisely like how you wish to let your light flow, let your pain flow too. Like the stars do across the night sky, let the tears flow as you wish, along with any sadness, pain and anguish in your heart. It's okay, Natsuki. Tears are not a sign of weakness; they are a sign of emotions, your emotions. So if there are tears that wish to fall, let them fall, Natsuki. Because it's more than alright. Because it's better than keeping them held in, because it doesn't mean that you are letting anyone down."

"No matter how much sadness you feel, Nattsun..."

Reiji's eyes smiled warmly at Natsuki.

"Always remember that you are more than welcome to cry... and that you're strong regardless, alright? So if you feel like crying right now, Nattsun, it's okay. Let your tears go, alright?"

Natsuki felt the lump stuck in his throat as he looked at both Reiji and Ai, who smiled gently at him with their eyes and lips. As their words touched and warmed his heart, tears began to peek out of his eyes and he felt Ai wrap a hand around his shoulder as his body started to tremble. "It's okay, Nattsun," Reiji whispered, "it's okay." Natsuki let out a shaky nod and without any restraint, warm tears flowed out of his eyes and down his cheeks, like the river under the moonlight, freely, gently. "It's okay." The words were slowly repeated to him as Reiji hugged him tightly and Ai held him, neither of them leaving him, neither of them telling him to stop, like how the night never asked for the stars to stop flowing out into the night.

"Nattsun, what's the brightest star in the sky?"

"It's Sirius," Natsuki answered, and Reiji let out a light chuckle and tousled his blond hair.

"You are a star, Nattsun. A true star that shines during both day and night, that glows even brighter than Sirius."

Reiji pulled away and while keeping his arms around Natsuki, gave him a sincere smile, his voice flowing with emotion.

"You are our kind, glowing star, that flows not only with light, but kindness, warmth and emotion. Never forget that, Nattsun."

Ai nodded with a smile and Natsuki nodded at his closest friends before pulling both of them into a tight hug, smiling through the tears that flowed down his face. He could still feel the sadness beating along with his heart, the memories existing at the back of his mind, but now he knew that neither of them made him weak. The tears that they caused did not mean that he wasn't getting stronger, that he could not protect those who mattered to him. As his friends hugged him back, Natsuki looked up at the moon and stars, at their unwavering silver lights that remained reflected by the shimmering lake.

_These tears... don't mean that I can't heal them, that I can't protect them... They... remind me of how much I want to protect and heal them, of how much I love and care about them more than anything and anyone..._

He smiled a little.

_And those are desires and emotions... that I won't ever let go of... as I try to shine as brightly as I can... for all of us..._

Ranmaru Kurosaki

_Wasn't the sight I was expectin' to see when my stomach woke me up demandin' for grub, but..._

Ranmaru observed through the glass window as the closest trio of the Shining Stars sat by the lake and talked with one another.

_... it's a relief to see 'em somewhat happier._

Complying with the demands of his stomach for food, Ranmaru had dragged himself out of bed and headed towards the dining hall for an early breakfast, having a craving for steak. He had been passing by windows when he saw Natsuki, Reiji and Ai on the other side of the glass, chatting with one another. Reiji had not told Ranmaru that Natsuki had regained consciousness, so for a moment, Ranmaru had the urge to walk over there and smack Reiji on the head. But that feeling disappeared when he saw how Reiji said something that made both Natsuki and Ai smile and hugged both of them.

_Guess I'll leave 'em to it and save smacking that guy on the head for later._

Natsuki laughed as Reiji tousled him on the head and Ai said something, and Ranmaru could feel his own face soften at the sight.

_They deserve the peace, alr-_

A soft thump rang inside Ranmaru's ears, followed by another one. As Ranmaru spun his head around, the footsteps halted, as though the person was paralyzed, and he narrowed his eyes. "Who is it?" Ranmaru demanded. When no one replied, Ranmaru clenched his fists and spoke even louder. "Hey, don't make me repeat myself or I'm gonna drag you out of there with these two bare hands for snoopin' around!"

Within a few seconds, a sigh was heard and the person stepped into view, a few meters away from where Ranmaru was standing. Ranmaru narrowed his eyes even more as he looked straight at the person, his arms crossed over his chest, the thoughts of an early breakfast pushed away.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Reiji Kotobuki

"Ah, looks like the sun's up now."

Reiji smiled widely at his best friends as the sunlight fell upon them.

"Wanna go and get some breakfast before we report to Shiny-san?"

"Yeap!" Natsuki replied with a bright smile as Ai nodded. "Let's go, Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan!"

Reiji beamed and gave Natsuki a thumbs-up sign. "You said it, dear Nattsun!"

Natsuki tucked the tea tray under his arm and they all carried their respective empty mugs and started heading to the enter the mansion. They had spent the last few hours before sunrise walking around and sitting by the lake, sharing songs, chatting about random things like constellations, midnight drives and research methods, laughing and smiling with just the three of them, which they had not gotten to do ever since the opening round officially began. Reiji could feel the bright emotions radiating from Natsuki as the latter gave both senpais a half-hug while walking, and he laughed as Ai's eyes widened in surprise, his own heart glowing at how much happier they all were in contrast to when Natsuki had just regained consciousness.

_No matter what, please don't stop being happy, Ai-Ai, Nattsun._

"Natsuki, if it is alright with you..."

Ai stopped walking and Natsuki and Reiji turned to him.

"May I ask what the memories that you were referring to earlier were? I would like to conduct research and help you piece them together."

Natsuki's emerald eyes widened for a moment, but soon he nodded with a slight smile. "Yeap, Ai-chan. I was going to tell you guys, but I wasn't sure how to start."

Reiji let out a chuckle. "Anything's alright with us. Our ears are all wide open for ya, Nattsun!"

"Thank you, Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan," Natsuki said with a soft smile, nodding a little. "The memories... um..." Sadness flashed across his features. "They're strange, to be honest. I'd forgotten that they flashed in my head before they did yesterday, like they disappeared on their own. I couldn't remember any of them until yesterday morning when my head was throbbing." He lowered his eyes. "I think that it's Sacchan holding them back to protect me. Before I woke up, he mentioned that if I remembered now, the memories could be too much for me to bear."

"The memories that you have are still far from complete," Ai surmised with a concerned expression as Reiji placed a hand on Natsuki's shoulder, "aren't they, Natsuki?"

Natsuki nodded slightly. "I can hardly understand them too. And even though I can't... they just bring so much sadness."

"What did you see, Nattsun?" Reiji asked, tightening his hold on their best friend. "Even if we can't really piece 'em together just yet, talking about it can help and we wanna be there for you. Your sadness is ours too."

"I saw... a night sky," Natsuki answered, his voice quiet, "a bright one with so many stars. And the place was a beach with that night and soft white sand. But the image that keeps flashing in my head more than the others, the one that keeps bringing more and more sadness..."

Natsuki's green eyes were filled with deep anguish as he flinched a little.

"It's the sea... and its waves."

Reiji's eyes dilated as he felt his fingers accidentally let go of his green mug, causing the mug to fall onto the viridescent grass with a soft thud. He could barely hear Natsuki and Ai as their voices were drowned away by the sudden maelstrom of memories and voices that slammed into his mind, and without warning, he was catapulted back to another time; a broken time, a ruined fate.

_Waves... the sea..._

_"Aine tried to drown himself."_

_"He went to the sea you guys frequented and dove in, wishing to stop living."_

_"This is your fault, Reiji! All your fault!"_

He could only stare as the images and voices took over his head, blurring and overshadowing everything, the old emotions welling up throughout all of him and making his heart tremble as the words twisted through him, torturing him.

_The blame... is mine to bear. Never have I stopped deserving it, and..._

_"I hope you get all depressed someday and just hang yourself!"_

_... behind this happiness..._ Reiji gritted his teeth in agony,

_... this curse will always be there... to remind me of what I really deserve and don't._

_"So I want to shine_

_Even more brightly than Sirius_

_Hey, let me pledge...eternally,_

_I need your love"_

\- "Promise to Sirius", by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kishow Taniyama)


	23. Never...

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Rei-chan-senpai?"

Natsuki and Ai stared at Reiji in shock as the brunet's mug thudded softly onto the grass and he did not respond or look at any of them. His grey eyes were wide open and agony crossed his face like cold light as he stood in front of them, his body frozen like ice, a pained, faraway look overshadowing his features. As Ai called Reiji's name and the latter gritted his teeth in pain, Natsuki placed a hand over Reiji's shoulder and shook it gently, asking if he was alright, worry streaming into his heart.

"Reiji. Can you hear us? Reiji."

"Rei-chan-senpai?"

At that moment, Reiji blinked and slowly, his grey eyes focused on both Ai and Natsuki, as though he had been pulled out of a trance. He stared at them in silence for a few moments as his eyes slowly widened, like the realization of what had happened was beginning to sink through his mind, and Natsuki tightened his hold on Reiji's shoulder, his heart faltering at the look in his best friend's eyes. Soon Reiji looked down, agony flooding his eyes, and he unclenched his fists, the look on his face softening with the hurt.

"I'm sorry," he said in a painful mutter.

"You do not need to apologize, Reiji," Ai assured him as Natsuki nodded, but almost immediately, Reiji shook his head.

"I have a lot to apologize for, Ai-Ai." Reiji's tone was devoid of any mirth, etched only by a harrowing hurt. He looked up at Ai. "You know that more than anyone."

Surprise flashed across Ai's face for a brief moment before the teal-haired mentor lowered his eyes in sadness, understanding what Reiji was saying. Natsuki could only look at both Reiji and Ai in pure confusion, unable to understand what they were talking about, the pain in their eyes piercing through his heart. Quietly, Natsuki decided to break the agonizing silence between the three of them and asked gently:

"What... do you guys mean?"

Ai's eyes widened slightly and he turned to Reiji, as though waiting for the latter to answer first. Reiji looked down, more torture filling his grey eyes, avoiding Natsuki and Ai's, his hands clenched into fists. He closed his eyes, possibly contemplating painful thoughts in his own mind, and the thought of it made anguish engulf Natsuki's heart. After a few more moments of a cold silence, Reiji slowly opened his eyes and spoke nearly inaudibly.

"I am not as kind as you think I am, Nattsun."

Natsuki's heart froze as he barely managed to speak. "Rei... chan... senpai?"

Reiji placed a hand on Natsuki's on his shoulder, his eyes still lowered to the ground as he spoke quietly. "It's too much to explain now as we have to get going, but... there's something that you need to know about us."

He glanced up at Ai.

"Me and Ai-Ai."

Ai nodded with his eyes on the ground as Reiji continued.

"There's so much I've hidden behind a mask, Nattsun, behind smiles that would collapse the moment I'm all alone, but... I don't want to lie to you. My heart can't stand the idea of lying to you. I'm a liar and a coward, and I'm an incredibly selfish person, even if you disagree with me."

Agony lanced through Natsuki's heart as Reiji's hand tightened on his, tortured by how cruel of a person Reiji thought himself to be. It was not the first time that Reiji had spoken so painfully of himself, but it broke Natsuki's heart all the same. Natsuki opened his mouth to speak, but Reiji shook his head and cut him off mid-sentence before even a single syllable could come out.

"Please don't try to reassure me, Nattsun. Not now. Not when I don't deserve it."

Reiji's grey eyes met Natsuki's, wearing an expression of pure grief, hollow of any of his usual cheer or brightness, almost pleading for him to not be kind, that being kind would only hurt him more. And Natsuki couldn't say a word, didn't know what to say that could make Reiji feel better.

"But... if you're willing to put up with my selfishness," Reiji's voice was tortured, "after we get through today, please allow me to take you somewhere for the night. You too, Ai-Ai. For a long night that is bound to be painful... because of me."

Natsuki nodded quietly. "Yeap, we'll go with you, Rei-chan-senpai, wherever you want to and for the whole night if you want."

Ai nodded too and Reiji cracked a smile. "Thanks, Nattsun, Ai-Ai. Thanks for not questioning it."

He squeezed Natsuki's hand tightly, his words as heart-wrenching as his voice and expression.

"Thanks..." his voice softened into a pained mutter, "for allowing me to be the selfish person I am."

Camus

Quartet Night was filled with clashing, individual personalities.

It was a fact that was firmly established ever since they were lumped into one group by the questionable Shining Saotome. There was the loud, cheerful Reiji who appeared to be a teenager in a 26-year-old male's body, the impolite, hot-tempered Ranmaru who could be a time bomb if he wished to be, the calm, timely Ai whose innocuous appearance hid a sharp tongue, and Camus himself. However, despite their differences and disputes, they had a few similarities that they somehow managed to share.

One of them was how they followed the unspoken rule of professionalism: filtering what they revealed to the public eye and what to conceal without exposing a single trace. Exactly like what they all were doing in this interview that Shining had whisked all the Shining Stars to without any warning after lunch. Not a single member of Starish or Quartet Night gave away the hint that the 11 of them were in awkward and problematic terms with one another. When it was Unit 1's turn to talk about their song, Ranmaru had grinned and even complimented Otoya and Cecil, who, in turn, smiled back and expressed their excitement about their song. When Unit 2 was interviewed, Ai, Tokiya and Masato had all been calm and informative, giving one another occasional smiles, displaying not a single hint of their distrust towards one another. As for Unit 4, Camus had made sure to use his butler-like and gentlemanly voice and manner like he normally did in front of the audience and saved his deeper, real voice for later. Syo maintained a professional manner while smiling at Camus, although they both knew that Syo wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face. Not that Camus would allow that to ever happen.

However, before Camus and Syo were interviewed, the interviewer approached Unit 3. As expected, Unit 3's interview had gone smoothly, just like everyone else's. All three members - Reiji, Natsuki and Ren - were professional and acted as they normally did during interviews.

Except that Camus knew that Unit 3 had the two people who had the most to conceal from the public eye today.

_Kotobuki and_ _Shinomiya_ _._

"So it says here that Shining Saotome has given you the approval to grant the audience a teaser of the song through the playing of an instrument."

The audience burst into voluminous cheer at the interviewer's words.

"Would any of the units like to start?"

"We would," Ren answered, raising his hand before gesturing at Natsuki, whose eyes widened in surprise. "Shinomi was the one who came up with the melody in the first place, so Bukky and I thought that he deserves the honor."

"Yeap!" Reiji agreed, wrapping an arm around Natsuki with his microphone in another hand. "You go promote our song and make us proud, Nattsun!"

"I will," Natsuki responded with a warm smile, "thank you, Rei-chan-senpai, Ren-kun."

As Natsuki stood up from where he sat between Reiji and Ren and prepared his stance to play the viola, Camus mentally recalled what he had seen several hours earlier. When the sun had rose, Camus had been on the way to the dining hall when he saw Natsuki, Reiji and Ai through the glass windows of the corridor. However, neither of them, unlike what that fool Ranmaru had informed Camus through text, was that much happier than they were during the time Natsuki was unconscious. From Ai's lowered eyes to Natsuki's anguished smile and Reiji's tortured expression, it was clear that another problem had surfaced. Yet when the three of them joined Ranmaru and Camus at the dining hall, Reiji had acted like none of what Camus had seen ever occurred in the first place, joking around and grinning cheerfully like the carefree fool that he appeared to be on the surface, while Natsuki and Ai merely did not say a word regarding the matter. Camus had to confess that if he had not witnessed the exchange between the trio, he may have fallen for Reiji's act; the latter was more complex and intelligent than he appeared to be.

However... what gave Reiji's facade away the most...

"Go, Nattsun!"

... was Natsuki.

At the sound of Reiji's words, Natsuki nodded with a smile and started to move the bow across the thin, delicate strings of the viola, his green eyes lowered to the instrument. It was not the interview where Natsuki clearly showed that something adverse had happened amidst the three of them. It was at the mansion, when he and Reiji were amidst Camus' sight. During breakfast and lunch, no one from the trio let any hints slip verbally from their lips, but Natsuki glanced at Reiji with worry several times and would whisper to him, to which Reiji would crack a smile that removed his cheerful mask. When Camus passed Unit 3's working area to get more chocolate cake, he saw Natsuki lower his eyes for a moment when Ren was talking with him and Reiji about their song and theme. Camus quietly observed as the slow, gentle melody of the viola immersed the entire auditorium in a dreamlike trance, with all eyes on Natsuki. Recalling how Reiji had completely removed his carefree facade when the brunet slammed a fist against Ozrock's face, with all that he had witnessed, Camus could see that Natsuki revealed Reiji's truest feelings better than anyone.

_Everyone has certain aspects of themselves that they wish to conceal from others._

When Natsuki stopped playing the viola, the audience burst into warm, immediate applause and Reiji immediately sprinted over and tackled Natsuki into a tight hug.

_But it appears that you no longer have the ability to hide from or lie to Shinomiya and Mikaze, do you, Kotobuki? And if you acknowledge it and hope to come clean about your personal details that I will not question..._

Camus hid his thoughts behind a calm expression as the interviewer began asking the other units what they thought of the viola teaser of Unit 3's song.

_... I believe that there is a sort of fear, that you are concealing within yourself, isn't there? A fear that is interconnected with revealing truths that you normally would wish to never see be brought upon the surface._

Reiji Kotobuki

_I'm sorry, Nattsun, Ai-Ai._

Reiji lowered his eyes in guilt.

_It must be really painful for you to see me faking these blithe expressions when you know what I'm really feeling deep down within me._

After the sudden interview and a few more hours of working on their opening songs, Shining had called it a day and dismissed all of them. Wrapping his pale blue tie around his neck, Reiji quietly looked through the mirror at his reflection that imitated his each and every move impeccably, each and every sign of pain in his eyes, each and every time he looked down at the basin in guilt. Doing the act was not the problem. He knew how to smile and grin convincingly, let out a laugh that sounded light and cheerful, come up with the right jokes and say the right words when he was in the spotlight before the eyes of strangers, of people who hardly knew his true emotions. He knew how to hide his true thoughts and feelings in his own head and heart, away from being caught amidst an act of pretence.

However, no matter how many strangers Reiji had managed to hide his truths from, he knew that Ai and Natsuki knew. And that doing what he had done back in the interview and throughout the day, pretending to be cheerful when his own thoughts were piercing him on the inside... had hurt them so much. He could tell from the countless times Natsuki had glanced at him with hurt and worry in his kind green eyes and how pain would flash inside Ai's teal eyes when their eyes met, and seeing them hurt like this made his heart bleed inside his chest. Now while Reiji was getting ready for the night in Unit 3's bathroom, Ai and Natsuki were in the bedroom waiting for him, having taken a shower and changed clothes earlier.

_I'm so selfish and cruel... aren't I?_

Done with his tie, Reiji slowly met his own reflection's eyes, guilt flickering amidst them clearly.

_That's always been what it means to be a coward... right?_

Reiji's viridian cellphone vibrated and he picked it up, only to find a message from his contact saying that everything was set. That everything that Reiji had requested his help for had already been prepared and was exactly the way he wanted it to be. Reiji forwarded his thanks to the contact and let out a heavy breath, knowing that it was time. The night for which Reiji had requested for Natsuki and Ai to put up with his selfishness in was starting. A night filled and blurred with true colours. With the burden of his past and the truths that he had hidden behind a mask of cheerful lies for years, months and days throughout too many daytimes and nights.

With a selfish wish that was chained with an relentless fear.

_I'm... a true coward, aren't I?_

The viridian cellphone vibrated again. Pulled out of his thoughts, Reiji reached out for it again, expecting it to be his contact who had done him a favour for the preparations for the night. However, instead, he found messages from Ai, whom Reiji thought had been waiting in the bedroom with Natsuki. Reiji's eyes widened in mild surprise at Ai telling him that he would join them later and to go with Natsuki first, but when he read the later messages, his lips eased into a slight smile.

 _This story is not mine to tell Natsuki_ , Ai had texted. _Neither is it ours. It is yours and yours alone to tell, and this includes the details in which my identity and I are concerned and related to your history. I have my own means of ensuring that you and Natsuki will be alright, but even without that, I know the both of you well enough to be 100% certain that nothing will change between you - Natsuki loves and cares for you too much for that to happen and you feel the same way towards him._

_All you have to be, Reiji, is sincere._

"Sincere..." Reiji muttered before closing his eyes. He let out a weak chuckle. "I really can't hide the truth from you, can I, Ai-Ai?"

He sent a few texts to Ai and tucked the cellphone into his pocket before shifting his eyes over to the fedora near the basin.

_There is so much that I don't deserve and yet still have. Yet here I am, thinking about tonight, being so scared, so terrified, and so selfish..._

He shut his eyes, an image of Natsuki's smiling eyes flickering gently inside his head.

_... and wishing that... you don't end up hating me for this, 'cause that..._

A weak smile formed on his lips that had lied all too many times as he took ahold of his fedora and clutched it a little.

_... that'd break my heart more than anything._

...

When Reiji unlocked the door and left the bathroom, as expected, he found Natsuki alone in the bedroom, sitting on his own bed reading his notebook. Natsuki looked up and his eyes widened in pure astonishment when he saw Reiji.

"What is it, Nattsun?" Reiji let out a laugh. "You look like you're seeing some kind of magic happen."

"You... You look amazing, Rei-chan-senpai," Natsuki answered, his eyes softening into a kind smile. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Eto... should I change my clothes? I might have misunderstood you when-"

"No, no, no, Nattsun!" Reiji laughed even more, tousling Natsuki's blond hair. "You got the meaning right when I told ya to dress comfortably! We're not gonna be going to someplace fancy or anything, don't worry!"

Natsuki sighed with relief, which amused Reiji even more. "But then um... why are you wearing those kind of clothes?"

"I have my reasons," Reiji answered with a soft smile, "which will all be clear later, don't worry."

 _I tell him to not worry_ , Reiji thought, his heart grim, _but... I know that he can't. Not when I haven't told him. Not after the smiles and laughs I've faked throughout the day in front of others._

Natsuki smiled faintly as Reiji smoothened his navy blue jacket for him.

_Not that I'm not worried either. Or brave, for that matter._

"Shall we go," Reiji extended a hand to Natsuki, giving him a sincere smile in spite of his worries and fears, "dear Nattsun?"

_But even so..._

"Yeap."

Natsuki nodded with his kind green eyes smiling at Reiji as he took the latter's hand in his and squeezed it gently.

"Let's go together, Rei-chan-senpai."

_... you're giving me the strength and courage that I need to last the night._

His lips curving into a soft smile, Reiji squeezed Natsuki's hand back and pulled him up and they headed towards the door. To be honest, Reiji had not expected to laugh or smile nearly this much upon leaving the bathroom to begin this cruel, painful night painted by his selfishness and haunting memories. And unlike how he'd laughed and smiled during most of the interview and in front of other people besides Ai and Natsuki throughout the day, all his smiles, laughs and words were genuine, devoid of any pretence or lies.

_I really can't lie to you or Ai-Ai. I have neither the will nor power to do so anymore._

Reiji's heart thudded in his chest as they left the room and Natsuki closed the door behind them, the night starting to unravel before their eyes.

 _I won't even have the power or will to blame you if you end up hating me for all of this..._ his heart throbbed painfully in his chest, _no matter how much it hurts at the end, because... I just love and care about you too much to do that._

Ai Mikaze

_So... the night is commencing._

Ai leaned slightly against the wall as he peered through the glass window down at his two best friends who were entering Reiji's old-fashioned green car. A ghost of a smile flitted across his lips.

_You will be okay. I promise you that, Reiji, Natsuki._

While Reiji was getting ready in the bathroom of Unit 3's room, Ai had made up his mind and decided to let him and Natsuki go on ahead and join them at a later time. Natsuki had been both confused and surprised when Ai told him that he was not going with them and would join them later, saying that Reiji wanted both of them to go with him. But Ai had shook his head and softly explained his reasons to Natsuki, which Ai later texted to Reiji.

 _The both of you love and care for each other_ , Ai had said to Natsuki after explaining his reasoning which Natsuki understood. He gave the kouhai's shoulder a gentle squeeze as he smiled faintly, _and that is one thing that I know will never change, despite my absence of an actual heart. I know that you will be okay; just look out for each other like always, Natsuki._

Ai had traced Reiji's calls, so he knew precisely where he and Natsuki were headed. Even if Reiji happened to have a change of mind or heart and switched locations, which Ai highly doubted would happen, he could always trace his or Natsuki's cellphone. Outside, white streetlamps illuminated the sky blanketed in a prismatic deep blue as Reiji's car drifted through the mansion's towering black gates and into the night, disappearing with its distance. A wave of mild satisfaction seemed to cross his chest, suggesting that he had done the right thing to let Reiji and Natsuki go on ahead first. Ai walked away from the window and towards the glass table where his laptop was installing updates.

_If my decision aided them even the slightest iota..._

Ai smiled a little,

_... then it is rather fair... to be glad._

"It is extremely out of the ordinary to find you not in the company of Kotobuki and Shinomiya."

Reverting back to his normal calm expression, Ai turned around to face Camus and Ranmaru, who were walking towards him from the direction of the corridor. Camus's voice and expression appeared to be almost inquiring.

"Especially when they are headed someplace else."

"Yeah, what's up with that?" Ranmaru asked, scratching his spiky silver hair. "The punks were all confused and bewildered about that, thinkin' that you normally go with 'em. Not that I'm not either."

He frowned.

"Mind filling us in?"

"This is something that Reiji has to do on his own," Ai answered, gesturing at the window. "I will join them later, but now it is up to him to sort matters out with Natsuki. I may be involved as well, but I know more than enough to tell you that this matter is his."

"Is that why today's been all weird when it comes to him?" Ranmaru questioned.

Ai looked at him. "So you noticed."

"Natsuki wears his heart on his sleeve too much for Reiji to hide anything," Ranmaru responded, crossing his arms behind his head as Camus grunted in agreement. "God, seeing those two the way they were even made the interview real uncomfortable. Thank God none of the punks or audience noticed."

"Do you mind enlightening Kurosaki and me on the current situation?" Camus asked, his arms folded.

"Don't usually agree with him, but it'd be real nice to know what on earth's going on with those two."

Ai contemplated it for a brief moment. Sooner or later Reiji would need to tell Ranmaru and Camus as well; that was a given fact. However, knowing Reiji, he would struggle and take quite the amount of time to bring himself to do so, and Ai wanted to relieve him of that difficulty, of that pain. Letting out a quiet sigh, Ai started to pack his laptop back into its own bag and spoke.

"Change into something comfortable for the night," Ai told them, lowering his voice. "We will not return until late. And be sure that no one follows us."

He looked at both Ranmaru and Camus with a serious expression.

"Reiji does not need this to be more difficult than it already is."

Natsuki Shinomiya

The drive was the most silent one that Natsuki had ever had with Reiji.

White streetlamps came into view and disappeared behind them over and over as the car drove into the cool, deep blue night, just like the headlights of cars that crossed paths with them, the reds, oranges and greens of traffic lights, and the pinks, yellows, blues and purples of the glowing buildings and signs of the city. Sitting next to Reiji, who turned the steering wheel, Natsuki could hear the loud but slow thumping of his heart as they sat in silence, not at all used to drives like this one when they were together. Ever since the car started moving, neither of them had said a word. Not a single tune or hum was heard from the car's radio or any of their cellphones and the only sounds that could be heard were either from outside or the dangling of the Reiji chibi doll hanging on the ceiling between them. Neither of them laughed nor chatted about a single topic like they always did, leaving them to their thoughts and emotions.

Instead, Reiji's grey eyes remained fixed on the road ahead while Natsuki would look either down at the notebook held against his chest, straight ahead like Reiji did, or at his companion and best friend. Natsuki wanted to try and start a conversation, to try and understand Reiji better, but something about the look in the latter's grey eyes, about the deep, faraway contemplation within them, made Natsuki comply with the silence and let Reiji be, thinking that the latter needed it.

_If it's what you need, Rei-chan-senpai, I'm okay with it._

Natsuki quietly observed as Reiji carefully turned around a corner, the glow of a streetlamp falling onto the brunet's calm expression.

_I just really want you to be okay._

As the silent drive continued, thoughts swept through Natsuki's head like the melody of a song that he could not truly understand as his eyes remained on his best friend. Reiji was dressed very differently compared to the usual times that they went out at night. Reiji had told Natsuki and Ai to dress comfortably, so when Natsuki saw what Reiji had chosen to wear, he could not help but be shocked. While Natsuki had opted to wear a jacket, collared shirt, jeans and sneakers, Reiji was wearing a suit.

Reiji wore an unbuttoned white lounge jacket, matching trousers and leather shoes. Underneath the jacket, he wore a black shirt and a loose pale blue tie, and over his neat, layered brown hair was a white fedora with a black band. Reiji looked brilliant in that outfit to the point that he was nearly glowing in Natsuki's eyes. But until now, Natsuki still could not truly piece together why Reiji had chosen those clothes as his attire for the night or where they could be going. Not to mention, Natsuki still had no clue as to what it was that he said that led to this very night in the first place. He had been talking about the memories that he himself had yet to understand when Reiji suddenly dropped his mug and pain flashed across his face. And Reiji had also told Natsuki to bring his yellow notebook, which he held a little tighter against his chest as the car swayed a little on the road.

_"I know that you will be okay; just look out for each other like always, Natsuki."_

Ai's words warmed him on the inside, and Natsuki couldn't help but smile slightly.

_Always, Ai-chan._

"Nattsun, may I ask you a question?"

"Sure, Rei-chan-senpai," Natsuki replied, startled by Reiji talking out of a sudden. "What is it?"

Reiji did not say anything. He made another turn, his grey eyes remaining on the road as his fedora moved slightly over his head. A car from the opposite direction passed them and its headlight flashed against Natsuki for a brief moment before disappearing with its vehicle that did not slow down for even the slightest second. Soon, Reiji opened his mouth and spoke.

"The night before you last collapsed, I looked through your notebook."

Natsuki nodded quietly and Reiji continued.

"I saw that you wrote the lyrics to 'Never...' there. In pages 78 to 79, if I am not mistaken."

Natsuki's eyes widened in surprise, but soon he nodded again. "Yeap, I did."

Reiji nodded in return. "You once told me that in that notebook, you jot down and take note of lyrics of songs that you like and mean a lot to you. When I saw that you'd written the lyrics to my song in that notebook, it made me wonder what you thought of it. Everyone else seems to think that it's another one of the upbeat, energetic songs that I normally sing, but seeing the lyrics on those pages and knowing you, Nattsun, I highly doubt that you share the same thoughts."

Reiji made another careful and smooth turn and faced Natsuki, his grey eyes soft with emotion.

"What do you think of the song, Nattsun? Please don't hold back your thoughts."

As Natsuki began to gather his thoughts and words in his mind and heart, Reiji spoke again. "Ah, we're here." Natsuki looked out the car window and his eyes immediately met countless scintillating glows and lights and slowly widened in pure awe and shock. A glowing Ferris Wheel shone above all the other attractions, stalls and games, its wheel shining with the seven colours of the rainbow. All around Natsuki and Reiji, a myriad of colours blurred over one another and changed from one to another within moments before their eyes, dying the night in pink, red, yellow, orange, violet and countless other colours and their variants. Reiji parked the car in front of an unoccupied ice-cream stand of which the sign was glowing white, cyan and yellow, and smiled at Natsuki, the lights outside reflected in his gentle grey eyes. Natsuki beamed at Reiji and the latter gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze before they opened the car doors and got out.

Looking around the amusement park, Natsuki breathed out, "Wahh... I didn't know the amusement park looked so beautiful at night, especially the Ferris Wheel!"

"Yep!" Reiji nodded with a bright smile, draping an arm around Natsuki. "It sure does, Nattsun! With all the lights, it's truly a sight to behold in contrast to when the sun's up and about! Oh and also, for tonight, I've rented the place, so we have the place to ourselves."

Natsuki chuckled, but when the last statement was processed in his head, his eyes dilated in pure shock.

"E... Ehh?" he exclaimed.

Reiji burst out laughing. "Your face, Nattsun! That expression is priceless!" He patted Natsuki's back as the latter stared at him with widened eyes. "About renting the park, I have a friend who owes me a favour, so I gave him a ring, he made some calls, and here we are!"

Taking a few steps forward, Reiji spread his arms out and smiled widely at Natsuki.

"Here we are in a place that's quite the magical beauty at night!"

Natsuki smiled softly, but inside his mind, he remembered the question that Reiji had asked him in the car. With his notebook tucked under his right arm, Natsuki could barely hear the carnival's deafening music as the thoughts and words flashed and whirled around his head like the lights of the Ferris Wheel along with the lyrics to Reiji's solo song "Never..." which he already knew by heart. With the two of them standing at the centre of the glowing amusement park, Natsuki knew that Reiji was waiting for an answer even though he was letting Natsuki take his time and that even though he was smiling and laughing and Natsuki knew that he was not pretending when they were together... Reiji's heart held so much pain and anguish, even if he did not say it or show it.

When the Ferris Wheel's lights changed from blue, white and green to yellow, orange and pink, Natsuki let out a quiet exhale and spoke.

"'Never...'," he started softly, "is a truly beautiful song, Rei-chan-senpai."

Reiji's eyes widened and soon his expression turned serious and his grey eyes were focused on Natsuki, the music and lights blurred away by the change in subject.

"I didn't understand how beautiful it was at first," Natsuki admitted, looking into Reiji's eyes, "but then I read the lyrics. The melody of 'Never...' is upbeat, energetic, and catchy and it's always been that way to me no matter what. But the more I read the lyrics, Rei-chan-senpai... the more I realized how much emotion and meaning the song held amidst its vibrant melody."

Emotion welled up amidst Reiji's eyes as Natsuki spoke.

"' _Tell me you're not burdened by this adult attitude._ ' ' _I can't seem to do anything right._ ' These lyrics, Rei-chan-senpai... The song sounds like the kind that people dance and sing along to, but in reality, the song is filled with so much sadness and pain. To me, the fact that the true meaning and emotions are often unseen and unheard makes the song hold even more sadness than it already does. 'Never...', Rei-chan-senpai..."

Natsuki could feel sorrow engulf his heart like waves as he stepped closer to Reiji, the Ferris Wheel's blue, white and purple lights falling upon the two of them.

"... is the song... that represents you the most, isn't it?"

Reiji stared at Natsuki wordlessly, his eyes widened in shock and emotion. After a few moments, he hung his head and tilted his white fedora downwards, his eyes looking away from Natsuki. He closed his eyes, his lips pursed together, a shadow cast over his eyes, and they stood there in silence, Natsuki's heart throbbing loudly amidst the music, the lights blurred all around them.

"I..." Reiji's voice was nearly inaudible, "... I never... thought..."

He tilted his fedora down even more.

"... that anyone... would actually understand that much. You... You're right, Nattsun. You're completely right."

He smiled.

"I really can't lie to you, can I?"

As the words slipped through Reiji's lips, Natsuki's heart wrenched in his chest as a tear rolled down the brunet's right cheek and fell onto the cemented ground beneath them. "Rei-chan-sen-" Reiji shook his head, as though telling Natsuki to not say a word, and a few more tears slid down his cheeks slowly and silently, just like the torturing agony that slipped within the cold silence of the night. When Reiji slowly looked up from the ground to face Natsuki again after a few more cruel moments slipped away from their grasps, his grey eyes were no longer held any trace of the merriment or humour that had glistened when they had just gotten out of the car. Neither did they hold the same expression as they had when Natsuki was telling him what he thought of "Never...". Instead, his grey eyes were filled with tears and tortured with a broken expression filled with sheer grief and anguish that shattered Natsuki's own heart into pieces and reflected the wounded, fractured heart of his best friend. Taking a deep breath and letting it out, Reiji tilted his fedora upwards and looked straight into Natsuki's eyes, trails of tears remaining on his cheeks.

"It's cruel... Nattsun. It's so, so cruel..."

His voice was barely above an agonized mutter as he slowly walked towards Natsuki, the pain in his eyes never changing as a tear slipped from his left eye.

"Your kindness... Your kindness, understanding and love, Nattsun... It's..." His voice cracked. "It's making me so scared, Nattsun. So, so terrified of what'll happen after I tell you everything. After I tell you everything about how selfish of a person and friend, how much of a coward and liar, I truly am. You're giving me this strength, this warmth, and I'm so much more scared now, there's so much more pain now, because what you're doing... being this kind, being the kind, beautiful Nattsun who understands me more than anyone and whom I will never stop loving and caring about..."

Reiji took Natsuki's two hands in his and squeezed them tightly, almost like he was afraid that Natsuki would fade away if he did not. And it wrenched Natsuki's heart more than anything seeing Reiji this broken, this terrified and vulnerable. The brunet hung his head and let out a choked sob through gritted teeth, a few tears slipping down his cheeks and falling onto their intertwined hands. He took another cold breath and let it out before speaking again, his voice barely above a broken whisper.

"... it'll break my heart so, so much... break me over and over again... if you end up... hating me for everything... Nattsun."

_"The glow of the buildings dissolved into the night sky_

_Gently blurred by your eyes_

_Tell me you're not burdened by this adult attitude_

_I can't seem to do anything right"_

\- "Never...", by Reiji Kotobuki (Showtaro Morikubo)


	24. As You Are

Ai Mikaze

"You in yet, Ai?"

"I should be within 3-5 minutes," Ai answered, typing codes and commands on his laptop. "The amusement park's CCTV system is similar to that of the dance studio where you and Reiji confronted Tablo Ozrock, so it is more than manageable."

"Good, 'cause if the cameras' not lettin' ya in, I may wanna punch one of 'em like how I punched that lowlife when we get there."

"You fool, that is-"

"Yeah, yeah. Destruction of public property and whatever's written in the law, ice prick."

Ai, Camus and Ranmaru were inside the latter's red car, sitting outside a café near the amusement park that Reiji and Natsuki were in. After Ai had agreed to let his two fellow band members join him for the night, Ranmaru had agreed to drive them to where they were going, even though he did make a mocking remark about Camus coming which caused a brief onslaught of insults. Sitting at the front next to Ranmaru amidst the cool atmosphere, the darkly-tinted windows muffling the outside noises, Ai typed a few more commands before looking up at the front window, allowing the program to do its task.

Past a number of towering buildings with brightly-lit windows and signs was the Ferris Wheel of the amusement park. Positioned against the sky's midnight-blue veil, the attraction glowed with colours that Ai had observed to change every 37 seconds, now illuminating the night with lilac, yellow and viridian colours. He knew that it was too soon to reunite with Reiji and Natsuki, even without looking at the footage yet, but he needed to estimate when the right time was as well as check on their situation - it was a part of what he meant when he told both males that he had his own means of looking out for them tonight. Typing again, he made a mental note to remove any traces of his activity and all the footage of Reiji and Natsuki's night, knowing that the two males' situation was a personal one.

_I recall telling them that I have my own means of ensuring that they will be alright before they left and as neither of them has texted me, I can only assume that they still are. However..._

Ai checked his lilac cellphone for notifications and found none.

_... what exactly is my definition of "alright"?_

"Say, Ai."

"Yes, Ranmaru?" Ai asked, turning to the silver-haired rocker.

Ranmaru's eyes were narrowed slightly as he looked down at his plastic cup of cold ocha and Camus sipped his hot chocolate behind Ai, not a single syllable or breath slipping out of his mouth. After a few more seconds, he spoke, his voice quieter than normal.

"How bad is it?"

He turned to face Ai, wearing an expression of concern which was rare expression from him.

"Reiji. I know we'll be gettin' the info when we can finally hear Reiji talkin', but it's real unsettling seeing him the way he was all day. I already got that he's way more complex than he looks from when we went after that lowlife, but I can't just shake this whole thing of, you know? As much as I won't ever say it to his face, I _hate_ seeing him keep up with that act of his. It's hurting him and we all know it."

He looked down, clenching his fist.

"So tell me, Ai. Is he really gonna be alright? Are he and Natsuki gonna be alright?"

Ai lowered his eyes as the program on his laptop continued to work and Ranmaru's words ran across his head. To be honest, Ranmaru's words only appeared to cause Ai to be even more uncertain about his definition of "alright", with his confidence wavering each time Natsuki's anguished expression and Reiji's painful words returned to his mind. The glass door to the cafe swung open, letting out a young girl and her mother. The girl was rubbing her eyes with one hand as tears stained her cheeks and her mother held her other hand, gently smiling at her, saying words that Ai could not make out from inside the car, and it made him ponder over whether any tears had been shed, the thought causing pain to sweep through his empty chest like a cold gust of wind.

Not forgetting that Ranmaru had asked him a question, Ai pieced his thoughts together and answered.

"Truthfully, that depends on your definition of 'alright', Ranmaru. If you are referring to their friendship, I am 100% certain that there will be no issues between Reiji and Natsuki. However..."

Ai looked up at Ranmaru, smiling sadly.

"If your definition of them being 'alright' is the absence of any speck of pain or sorrow in their hearts... then it's impossible, Ranmaru. It's impossible as the night already promised true anguish before it even began, and... the both of them know it."

Ranmaru lowered his eyes to his plastic cup. "I get what ya mean."

From the rear-view mirror, Ai saw that Camus' ice-blue eyes were a little softer than usual, as though he could empathise with them, Reiji and Natsuki. Camus opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, a sound emerged from the laptop. Ai shifted his eyes over to his electronic device and saw that he had successfully gained access to the amusement park's CCTV cameras. "Okay, we're in." Immediately, Ranmaru leaned towards Ai from the driver's seat while Camus drew closer from the back. Multiple windows appeared on the screen and Ai could not help but be slightly in awe by the myriad of nearly-blinding, multi-coloured lights that flashed on the screen. Having a brief overview of the footage, Ai noticed that unlike what he would expect out of such places, the amusement park was deserted, not a single human being to be seen.

"Wait... Did Reiji freaking rent the whole place?"

"Knowing Kotobuki, it is highly possible."

"God. If he did, this is a lot more serious than I thought."

"You just stumbled upon the realization, dandelion head?"

"Shut up, you ice prick!"

Sighing softly, Ai ignored his band members' bickering as he looked through the windows, attempting to locate Reiji and Natsuki. Carefully skimming through the live footage, Ai soon found a window where two figures stood at the centre of the amusement park, under the ever-changing luminosity of the Ferris Wheel. His eyes widening slightly, he clicked on the footage and searched for a better angle and magnified the window. Within less than a fleeting moment, a deep agony swept through his chest and he lowered his eyes.

"I found them," Ai said quietly.

At once, the duo's quarrel halted, although Ai was uncertain whether it was because of the way he had spoken or what he had said. Regardless, however, Ai's eyes never left the monitor and the pain lingered in his chest as he observed his two best friends, knowing that the agony of the night had truly unravelled itself. In the amusement park on the screen, Natsuki's kind emerald eyes were sheening with pure anguish, his hands grasped tightly by the brunet whose pain was becoming the blond's own, that painful aspect of kindness accentuating the cruel night. And Reiji...

The pain in Ai's chest amplified and the word "alright" felt even more faraway than it had just moments ago as Ranmaru let out a soft curse.

... Reiji was crying.

Reiji Kotobuki

"... You're giving me this strength, this warmth, and I'm now so much more scared now, there's so much more pain now, because what you're doing... being this kind, being the kind, beautiful Nattsun who understands me more than anyone and whom I will never stop loving and caring about..."

Squeezing Natsuki's hands tightly, Reiji let out a choked sob through gritted teeth, knowing that Natsuki was hurt because of him, hating himself even more because of it.

"... it'll break my heart so, so much... break me over and over again... if you end up... hating me for everything... Nattsun."

Everything around them appeared to blur over and dissolve away into the cold background of ever-changing, ephemeral colours as Reiji's heart drowned deeper and deeper into the broken torture of the past, reality and possibilities. Warm tears slid down his face as he grasped Natsuki's hands even tighter, the warmth of his best friend's hands worsening the guilt and agony in his heart. Natsuki was already more than willing to put up with Reiji's selfishness, to come with him for a night that was bound to be excruciating because of him, and now he was suffering even more, possibly on the verge of crying, because of Reiji. The lights flashed into green, white and purple colours as Reiji let out another sob, unable to contain it within his cruel, selfish self.

A cruel, selfish person... who also happened to be a true hypocrite and liar.

_I know that my mistakes are deserving of contempt, make me worthy of being hated by people whom I have no right to blame. And that I won't and can't blame you if you end up hating me and walking away from me for all of this even if it tortures me to no end... and yet... yet deep down... I don't want you to leave. I don't want you to hate me. Because that's the last thing that I would ever want..._

Reiji kept his head down, his fedora overshadowing his tearful eyes, unable to face Natsuki.

_... why am I... such a horrible person...?_

"But Rei-chan-senpai... how can I ever hate you...?"

Natsuki's voice was soft, gentle and tinged with pure anguish.

"I won't ever hate you, no matter what happens. I'll always love you, Rei-chan-senpai!"

Reiji squeezed Natsuki's hands tightly, tears stinging his eyes. That was Natsuki. Overflowing with sheer warmth and kindness like a shining star. Speaking out his innermost, deepest feelings about those whom he loved and cared about with a pure and bright heart. Words like "love" and "always", words that were incredibly warm, reassuring and powerful when they came from someone with a kind and beautiful heart like Natsuki's. Letting out another broken sob, Reiji slowly looked up from the cemented ground and faced Natsuki, his heart warmed and tortured at the same time. Natsuki's innocent and genuine kindness had never wavered and would always warm Reiji on the inside no matter what. But now, as he stood in front of the kind-hearted blond whom he had hurt deeply the whole day with his cheerful pretences and broken emotions, with mistakes and regrets that he had yet to even speak of to his best friend...

A tear slipped down his cheek, leaving behind a trail of ephemeral warmth that would turn cold within seconds.

... that warm kindness... was making his heart throb so painfully.

"You're a truly warm and kind person, Nattsun... The warmest and kindest friend I've ever had."

Reiji smiled bitterly as the pain in Natsuki's eyes remained unchanged.

"And it's always warmed my heart and still is, but at the same time, right now... it's tearing me apart... because I'm a horrible person, Nattsun. I'm not as kind as you think I am. Neither am I as sinless nor mature as I look."

Natsuki shook his head. "Rei-chan-senpai, that's not true-"

"You don't understand, Nattsun."

Reiji shook his head, his heart clenching in his chest as Natsuki's eyes widened with hurt.

"You don't know and understand the extent of my selfishness and dishonesty, as well as the severity and cruelty of my mistakes," Reiji told Natsuki quietly, "all which can never be undone. I mean it when I call myself a liar and a hypocrite, Nattsun, because I am. And that's never changed, no matter how many years have gone by with the burden of the past in my head and heart, covered by laughs and smiles that aren't even real."

He slowly let go of Natsuki's hands and tilted his white fedora down, a darker shadow cast over his forehead as the colours of the Ferris Wheel changed again.

"Do you know why I chose to wear this tonight? The suit, the fedora, this entire look?"

"No," Natsuki answered softly, shaking his head as Reiji took a step backwards, "I don't, Rei-chan-senpai."

Reiji nodded briefly. "This whole combination, the suit and fedora and shoes," he started, "is a symbol of what appears to be maturity. Something that an adult wears to formal events. You know that I'm the oldest among Quartet Night, as well as the Shining Stars. I am the one who has been in the industry the longest, had the most years of experience in the industry and life, all due to age. By age and appearance, I may be an adult..."

He lowered his eyes, self-loathe shrouding his agonized heart.

"... but my heart, Nattsun," he confessed, shaking his head, "is not the heart of a mature adult. It's the heart of an immature, selfish coward who has masked his true thoughts and emotions too many times behind layers of lies. Lies that have hurt the people closest to him, that have fooled just about everyone. And this hat..."

Reiji tilted his white fedora downwards as he lowered his eyes.

"I've always had a fondness for hats, Nattsun. Pick the right hats and they can add plus points to your look; it's quite amazing how such accessories can create whole new looks. But hats such as this one... They've become props that I use to hide my true pain and feelings. I spin the fedora with one finger, tilt it up and down, dance with it, fling it around... but so many times... the purpose was to hide what I really felt, to lie with the facade that I was okay when I wasn't. Just like the fedora, this whole outfit, Nattsun... It's a symbol not of a mature adult, but of how much of a liar I've become, of how many lies I've told everyone."

He tightened his hold on the white fedora as his heart squeezed in his chest.

"But... I don't want to hide anything from you."

He looked up at Natsuki and smiled, gently and painfully.

"I meant it when I said that my heart couldn't stand the idea of lying to you. I want you to know all of me, not only a part of me. I want you to know and understand even my atrocity, mistakes and selfishness, all of which I kept buried deep within myself without letting a word of it slip out of me."

Tears pooled around Reiji's eyes as he placed a hand on the shoulder of a pained Natsuki and smiled weakly.

"And I promise that I won't blame you..." his voice faltered, "... even... if you hate me at the end."

Ai Mikaze

Vzzt!

Ai's lilac cellphone vibrated as the car swayed on the road and passed by multifarious glowing buildings and signs. Ai looked down at his cellphone and checked the caller ID. "It's Reiji."

"Go ahead and pick it up," Ranmaru said while maneuvering the steering wheel as Camus narrowed his eyes. "Put it on speaker mode. I wanna hear what he's sayin'."

Ai nodded briefly and picked up the call. "Hello?"

"Hi, Ai-chan." Natsuki's gentle voice reached his ears.

"Hey, Ai-Ai," Reiji spoke next. On the monitor of Ai's laptop, Reiji was standing right beside Natsuki directly in front of the Ferris Wheel, holding his viridian cellphone between himself and Natsuki. "I'm guessing you've been watching from the CCTV cameras' live footage."

Ranmaru's jaw dropped as Camus and Ai's eyes widened in mild surprise.

"How did you know?" Ai asked.

"When you told me that you had your own means of ensuring that Nattsun and I would be alright, I knew that you had to be watching one way or another, and I also knew that you're a brilliant hacker," Reiji answered with a laugh. Then his voice was lowered. "So... I take it that you saw me cry... didn't you?"

Ai lowered his eyes. "Yeah, I did."

"I'm sorry," Reiji spoke, his voice agonized. "I'm really sorry, Ai-Ai. To you and Nattsun."

Ranmaru gritted his teeth, possibly suppressing the urge to curse, while on the screen, Natsuki looked down in anguish.

"Reiji-" Ai started.

"We're gonna be in one of the passenger cars of the Ferris Wheel," Reiji continued, his voice as pained as before. "Please turn up the volume so that you can hear what I'm about to say, Ai-Ai; the Ferris Wheel is one of the only places where the loud music is muffled so the audio should be fine. You know more than everyone else, but you don't know everything that there is to know, and it matters to me that you and Nattsun know."

"I will, Reiji," Ai responded as he watched the Ferris Wheel slowly decelerate. On the screen, Reiji's lips curved into a small smile.

"Thank you, Ai-Ai."

"Bye, Ai-chan."

"Bye, Natsuki, Reiji."

Reiji hung up and Ai sighed quietly, looking down at the keyboard. The night may have commenced more than 30 minutes ago, but to be completely honest... the cold anguish of the ordeal was not even close to being put to a true end. And now... the suffering was only about to amplify even more, like the crack of a broken voice. As the door to the passenger car slid open and Reiji let Natsuki enter first, Ai glanced at Ranmaru and caught him looking straight at him, the latter's heterochromatic eyes narrowed in concern.

"You hanging in there, Ai?"

Ai nodded wordlessly and looked away. Reiji could not predict or tell how Natsuki would react to what he would uncover about himself. The thought of the worst possibilities, such as Natsuki resenting him for it and walking away, both of which Ai was certain Natsuki would never do, had been tormenting Reiji, regardless if he said it aloud or not. Ai recalled himself telling Reiji that it was the latter's story to tell, but knew his own inclusion in the story. About how Ai was created to look exactly like the person whom he was about to wake up, and that the person was coincidentally Reiji's best friend who had attempted to drown himself. Amidst his concerns regarding Reiji, Ai had temporarily forgotten how much he had struggled to convince himself that even without a heart, he and Aine were not the same despite sharing the same appearance. That Ai was his own person and not a mere replica of a human being. And Ai had no clue as to what Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus would say regarding the aforementioned facts.

 _The thought had not come to mind for the past weeks_ , Ai thought, placing a hand on his chest. _It's odd. Perhaps my mind has been so occupied by the memories and thoughts of you and Natsuki that I had temporarily forgotten about it..._

On the screen, the Ferris Wheel slowly started to move again and he hid a sad smile.

_The uncertainty regarding how Natsuki, Camus and Ranmaru will respond to my circumstance pains me, but... it pains me even more seeing you and Natsuki hurt._

Ai looked up at the rear-view mirror and his eyes met Camus' blue ones, which were neither frowning nor narrowed. Instead, he conveyed an expression that implied that he understood Ai's worries, and the latter appreciated it.

_I believe that is one fact that makes me certain... that I have grown to put the two of you before even my own self._

Natsuki Shinomiya

Colours.

When Natsuki was still a small boy, just like everyone else, he learned about the primary colours and what they became when they were mixed with one another. Red and yellow brought light to a burning orange. Blue and red created a royal purple. Yellow and blue brought a gentle forest green. It reminded him so much of how melodies, emotions and words all intertwined with one another to form a song that could reach hearts, of how different songs glowed with a myriad of colours.

Amazed by how the colours could blend harmoniously to form vibrant others, a young Natsuki had tried mixing different colours, like how he would combine different melodies or lyrics and how he had combined different ingredients whist cooking. He loved how red and white blended together to create a blooming rose pink, how combing baby pinks and blues painted the paper a tender lavender, and a myriad of other combinations. It was the reason why Arts and Craft was one of his favourite classes back in elementary school, with the exception of Music. He learned about colours and combinations, harmonies and vibrance, and it even lit a brighter spark amidst his heart for his passion to create music, to be able to paint vivid colours within his songs. But colours and their combinations were not only about brightness, happiness and light.

They... were also about sadness and pain.

_Sadness..._

Natsuki whispered the word in his head as the passenger car of the Ferris Wheel slowly gyrated upwards towards the sky, the ride's lilac, white and blue lights glowing through the glass window. He was in a passenger car with Reiji, the entire ride only carrying the weight of the two of them. Looking down from where he sat, Natsuki could see the glistening city below him. He could see the red, yellow, orange, pink and countless other warm colours of the other attractions and stalls of the amusement park, the shimmering rivers and lakes near the park, and a myriad of buildings glowing with green, blue, white and other coloured lights, adorning the city with a palette of their own, a scenery that no artist could imitate. If it were any other day, the colours wouldn't have done anything but warm his heart and leave him in pure awe. He would have stared down with wide eyes and a bright smile, not knowing how beautiful the city was from such a high place. It would have brought him a tremendous wave of warmth and joy seeing all the colours blur over one another and dance and flow throughout the nightscape like starlight.

 _But not tonight._ _Not like this._

Inside his head, Natsuki smiled sadly.

_Not when the night is dyed by the warm tears that had yet to fall and had fallen and turned cold, by so much sadness and pain._

Natsuki quietly looked at Reiji, who sat across from him, the older brunet gazing out the window without a word. He could feel his already-broken heart crack a little more as Reiji's grey eyes remained on the window, neither of their hearts healed from what had happened before they entered the passenger car. Reiji had told Natsuki what he truly thought of himself. Reiji had called himself a liar and a hypocrite, a coward and an immature, selfish person. He had lowered his eyes and tilted his fedora down, calling the fedora a prop that he had used to hide his true feelings.

_Rei-chan-_ _senpai_ _..._

Reiji turned away from the cold glass window and faced Natsuki, his lips forming an agonized, broken smile that nearly brought the latter to tears.

_... he doesn't see the colours of his heart... with a true smile._

As the multi-coloured lights blurred over, neither overshadowing nor changing the colours of the ones around them, memories of Reiji grasping Natsuki's hands tightly, tears rolling down his face as he gritted his teeth, flashed inside his head like a cold moonlight against slivers of glass, the pain of those images unwavering and cold.

_The bright colours around us are beautiful tonight, illuminating everything like the moon and stars. But instead of bringing smiles to our hearts, they only immersed us into even more sorrow, dissolving the happiness that they would normally bring._ _Rei-chan-senpai's heart is warm and_ _vivid_ _with colours and will always be. It's always, always been the way I've known it and its colours guided me and held me so many times..._

Natsuki wanted to speak, to break the silence and tell Reiji that they were going to be okay, but he didn't say a word, couldn't say anything, and that pierced him deeply like the fragments of his own glassy heart.

_But he... sees his own colours as those that only bring pain to everyone... just like this bright night._

Words of reassurance and comfort would only break Reiji even more and that... shattered Natsuki on the inside. He could only form a sorrowful smile in response to Reiji's tortured one and even only trying to smile... hurt so much.

_I don't want you to break..._ _Rei-chan-senpai_ _..._

"You're not afraid of heights, right, Nattsun?"

Reiji's voice was quieter than normal as the passenger car, nearly reaching the top of the Ferris Wheel, slowly approached a stop. Natsuki shook his head at Reiji.

"Nope, Rei-chan-senpai."

Reiji cracked a smile. "That's good. We're gonna be up here for quite awhile, so it's comforting to know that you're not afraid. I don't want you to be scared."

He looked down, his grey eyes tight with pain.

"Although _I_ may end up being the reason you get scared."

Natsuki shook his head in anguish as Reiji tilted his head up to face him. But Reiji simply gave him a weak smile before scooting towards the edge of his seat and looked straight at him, his hands clasped together on his lap. The passenger car stopped rotating at the very moment it reached the peak of the Ferris Wheel, and it swayed slightly like a broken pendulum. Natsuki reached out for the safety bar of the passenger car, but a hand took ahold of his and squeezed it gently. His eyes widening a little, Natsuki looked at Reiji, who smiled gently, and he whispered a sincere "Thank you". Reiji nodded and when the swaying lessened, slowly released Natsuki's hand and reached up for the white fedora on his head, his grey eyes tinged with hurt.

"Looks like we're all the way up here, which means it's time."

Reiji lifted the white fedora off his head and placed it on the empty space on his right, his voice soft.

"No props. No masks. No pretences. No lies. Even if you hate me at the end, even if you don't forgive me and choose to walk away, I want you to know that not a single part of us being friends... was a lie or act. Looking out for each other, smiling, laughing and crying together, going out to the river and making memories that are bound to overflow... They all were from heart, Nattsun."

Reiji reached out and held Natsuki's hands, squeezing them tightly, his hands warm and reassuring like always.

"I want you to know... that I'll always love and care about you and Ai-Ai the most, no matter what..."

Smiling painfully, Reiji released Natsuki's hands and pulled away, and the emptiness remaining in his own hands brought an acute agony twisting his heart.

"... even if... I can't be a part of your happiness because I might... end up destroying it at the end."

Tears welled up inside Natsuki as warm tears peeked out of Reiji's grey eyes, the lights behind the latter dissolved by their grief and agony. The warmth that Reiji's hands had given him had faded into the silent, hollow air, and as a tear slid down Reiji's face, Natsuki shook his head again and again, wanting Reiji to stop believing in those cruel words, wishing that he would stop hurting himself. How could Reiji say that he would end up destroying Natsuki and Ai's happiness... when he was one of the main reasons they had been able to all smile together?

Natsuki could feel his own hands start to quiver.

How could he... believe that...?

"Please... don't believe that, Rei-chan-senpai," Natsuki pleaded softly, tears threatening to fall as he looked straight into Reiji's sorrowful eyes. "How could you ever destroy our happiness when you are one of the main reasons we could be happy and make memories together...? I know that you told me to not assure you, but this isn't just assurance, Rei-chan-senpai... It's the truth and what I'll always believe in, no matter what, and I mean it."

"But I don't, Nattsun."

Natsuki's eyes dilated with pure hurt as Reiji gave him an apologetic smile.

"I know how cruel I am, how much hurt I am capable of, Nattsun. I don't just believe; I know."

Reiji looked down, his voice grim and lowered.

"I know..." he confessed, his tone filled with shattered remorse and guilt, "because I've hurt and destroyed a friend of mine once, even though it was never my intention."

The air seemed to turn colder and thicken like a rain cloud amidst white mist as Natsuki's eyes widened slightly, his heart paralyzed with shock and disbelief, and a soft sob escaped Reiji's lips. Reiji inhaled and exhaled, the white breath disappearing into the agonizing night nearly as quickly as it had appeared, ephemeral like the warmth of their hands that had been joint together.

"His name is Aine," Reiji started, his eyes remaining on the ground. "Aine Kisaragi. He was my best friend and we've known each other for years, ever since our days at Shining Academy. Aine and I would always hang out together during our good o' student days along with Kei Otonami and Hibiki Katakiri, two other guys who were close to us. The four of us all shared a love for music, chatted and laughed as time flew by, and we even kept in touch after we graduated and all worked at Shining Agency."

Reiji cracked a smile.

"You know... if it wasn't for Aine, I wouldn't be where I am right now. When I first got into Shining Academy, it wasn't purely out of my own will. I didn't want to go, Nattsun. I thought that if my dream of becoming an idol became reality, I wouldn't be able to keep having fun times, you know what I mean? That held me back from truly chasing after that dream with a true, genuine passion. And soon I met Aine. He changed me. I saw how much dedication and perseverance he had towards becoming a true idol and how he didn't stop smiling as he went after that dream and... it brought back my own will to be an idol. And the four of us - Aine, Kei, Hibiki and I... we had a lot of fun together, whether it was making music together in an empty classroom or chatting as we passed by the bright windows glowing with sunlight."

 _Bright windows glowing with sunlight..._ Natsuki repeated the words in his head and the memory of them, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru walking along the brightly-lit corridors and Reiji suddenly halting in his footsteps flashed inside his head and his eyes widened. "So that's why-"

"Yep, you got that right, Nattsun."

Reiji looked up at him and smiled faintly.

"That memory came to mind along with a number of others. Thinking of those times used to make me smile a lot, you know. Even eased my heart to sleep when things got rough."

However, the nostalgic expression in Reiji's eyes soon faded away, and seeing that wrenched Natsuki's heart.

"But that memory, just like all the others in regards to them..." his voice wavered, "now only brings pain. Pain, sorrow and guilt."

Reiji let out another cold exhale as the pain never left either of them.

"After graduating, like I said before, we all ended up working at Shining Agency. Aine was a famous idol with Kei as his partner composer, while Hibiki worked as a producer. The four of us still hung out together, even though it was not as often as back when we were in Shining Academy. We were still happy together. But one day... that all changed."

He looked down, his voice tainted with anguish.

"It was on the day of an important audition that would decide whether I would debut. I was at the audition, so I didn't use my phone. Aine had called me, but I didn't pick up because I was busy. He didn't just call once. He called so many times, Nattsun, and I didn't pick up as I was focusing on my audition. I... I didn't know. I didn't know what was going to happen. And by the time I realized that something was wrong, not to mention with all the messages asking me where Aine was... it was too late. He... He disappeared."

His voice cracked as a tear slid down his face, and Natsuki could feel his heart quiver and tears pool around his own eyes.

"Aine disappeared... and no one knew where he was. No one could find him. I drove all around the city, trying to call him, hoping to find him, but he never showed. Neither were any of my calls answered. That was when... it all fell apart. Kei and Hibiki blamed me for Aine's disappearance, saying that if he died, it was because of me. And I don't blame them. They said that they hoped that I died and I took it. They hate me for what happened and I deserve it. After what happened... I was the only one who remained at Shining Agency. I was on my own, but I didn't let the people around me see what and who I really felt and was inside. How much of a horrible friend I was for letting down the closest friend I ever had. How much of a failure I felt and knew I was. How much of a liar... I slowly became by smiling and laughing when I was falling away and apart on the inside."

Reiji clenched his fists as his shoulders trembled.

"And not long after that... I... I met... Ai Mikaze."

He smiled weakly, his eyes still on the ground.

"Our dear and adorable Ai-Ai," he spoke quietly. "It was before Quartet Night was officially made. When I first saw him, I was shocked. He looked exactly like Aine. The hair, eyes, figure, all of it. But I knew that it wasn't Aine; I felt it in my heart. But I also knew that it couldn't be a coincidence. So I approached him and asked who he was. Ai-Ai gave me his name and I gave him mine. His eyes widened in recognition and I knew from there that he knew something about me. I asked him if he knew about someone named Aine Kisaragi. At first, he wouldn't tell me. He would dismiss me and walk away like the conversation never happened. But at one point, I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed his arm and pleaded Ai-Ai, saying that Aine was the closest friend that I ever had. I wouldn't let him go until he told me what he knew. And soon... he relented and whispered that he needed to take me someplace to explain, but I had to promise that I would not tell anyone about this. I promised him, and telling you, Nattsun... is our exception."

Reiji glanced up at the CCTV camera on the ceiling of the passenger car, as though he was looking straight at Ai who was on the other end.

"Ai-Ai took me to his professor's place. I did not know that until I saw all the lab equipment and computer monitors all over the place. And then... I saw that capsule. A capsule that contained a plain white bed and laying inside... was Aine. Aine, whom we all had no idea was alive or dead. As I tried not to cry, Ai-Ai and the professor explained everything to me. They told me that Ai-Ai was an android created for two different purposes. The first was to be Shining Saotome's ideal idol, under the latter's orders, which you already know. And the second... was to reawaken Aine, who... turned out..."

Reiji let out a choked sob as tears streamed down his face.

"... had tried to drown himself in the sea. The sea that we used to go to together. And I know that that's... that's... because of me."

He sniffled and sobbed as he gritted his teeth.

"Even before the missed calls... before that audition... he'd a-asked... if I could listen to his problems. B-But... I didn't know and j-just joked in return... knowing that i-it wasn't... like him... to say something like that. And yet... he needed me and I- I wasn't there for him, even though he was always there f-for me. And until now... Aine's not woken up... Nattsun. Years of his life that he could have spent smiling and laughing are gone... because of me. Because I was such a horrible friend. Because I... I was so useless."

Tears fell onto Reiji's lap as he squeezed his eyes shut, his voice shattered into pieces.

"I d-don't want you to be ruined... Nattsun. I don't want... to ruin you or hurt you... and yet... I'm such a selfish, horrible person and liar, and now... now you understand... how I know this... I k-know because that's... that's what I really am, deep inside a heart that's wounded even those closest to me."

He let out a broken sob.

"And now y-you know... that I meant it when I said... that it's okay... if you hate me... after all this, because... I... I deserve it, Nattsun. I really do."

Reiji Kotobuki

Reiji squeezed his eyes shut even more tightly as his body trembled uncontrollably, and the last words had resounded and disappeared into the cold night.

That was it. He had told Natsuki everything. He had revealed all of his true colours, his worst, his mistakes that could never be undone and would never cease to haunt him. He had shown his closest friend the true extent of his selfishness and cruelty, of how he had failed to save the person who had always been there for him, without whom he would not even be here. Now Natsuki truly knew and understood all of him, not just a part of him. Now Natsuki could yell at him, blame him, tell him that they were all right about Reiji. That Reiji was a liar and a coward. That Reiji did not deserve to be happy or to live. That Aine should be living out his life instead of Reiji, and Reiji wouldn't disagree. Reiji mentally braced himself for the words, for the blow, knowing that it would hurt more than anything if it came from Natsuki of all people. Knowing that with all his selfishness, he was terrified that Natsuki would leave him even though Reiji wouldn't blame him if he did. Tears stinging in his eyes, Reiji felt his lips quiver as he waited, the cold memories piercing his mind, the worst possibilities of reality torturing him like blades, and he spoke softly.

"It's... okay... if you hate me..." he uttered, "if you want to yell at me, it's-"

He was cut off mid-sentence by a pair of warm arms. Slowly lifting his face up, Reiji's eyes dilated and his heart froze when he found himself wrapped in a tight and warm embrace, facing fluffy blond hair. Reiji could feel himself start to tremble even more as he heard quiet sobs and sniffles coming from the person hugging him, and within less than a moment, Reiji was crying again, droplets of tears rolling down his face like rivulets, the emotions all overflowing within himself.

"N-Nattsun..." he started.

"I'm not going anywhere... Rei-chan-senpai."

Reiji hiccuped amidst his sobs as Natsuki tightened his arms around him, the latter's voice soft and gentle.

"I will never hate you or want to ever leave you, no matter what," Natsuki continued as his tears fell onto Reiji's back like rain. "What happened with Aine and the others... isn't your fault, Rei-chan-senpai. You didn't know and what happened... doesn't make you a horrible person. What happened then doesn't mean that it'll happen again. You don't deserve to die. You don't deserve to be hated by anyone. And you... didn't destroy or ruin anyone. You've made so many people laugh and smile from deep within their hearts, including me... and I know that none of it... is a lie. You deserve to smile, to laugh, to live, just like us, and that'll... that'll never change."

Reiji cried even more as he buried his face into Natsuki's shoulder.

"You're my and Ai-chan's closest friend. You're countless emotions, colours and glows all in one. You are filled with so much kindness, warmth, compassion, sincerity and love. You bring laughter, smiles and happiness to everyone around you. You've held us, looked out for us, and walked together with us regardless of anything. And all of that... is you, Rei-chan-senpai."

Natsuki slowly pulled away and wrapped his hands around Reiji's own, squeezing them tightly, sharing his warmth. Slowly, Reiji looked up and met Natsuki's kind green eyes that glimmered with warmth, kindness and tears, gazing gently at him with a genuine smile, and it brought tears to Reiji's eyes all over again.

"The Rei-chan-senpai that we know and love and always will, no matter what happened, is happening or will happen. We'll always love you, all of you, all that you are, Rei-chan-senpai, and be by your side no matter what."

Reiji choked on a sob and tried to calm down, letting out a shaky breath. Natsuki's warm smile never faltered as he squeezed Reiji's hands again, not loosening his hold no matter what. He tried to breathe in again, only for a sob to escape from his lips, and his heart clenched in his chest.

"N-Nattsun..." he started, but his voice crumbled within seconds, and Natsuki squeezed his hands gently.

"Reiji, you dunce!"

Both Reiji and Natsuki's eyes widened in pure shock at the sound of a particular silver-haired male's shout. "Down here!" Both of them immediately looked down from the Ferris Wheel, and Reiji felt his jaw slacken and his heart freeze. Ranmaru was standing in front of the Ferris Wheel, his hand curled around the microphone of the conductor's stand, together with Camus and Ai who had brought his laptop with him. As the realization that Ranmaru and Camus had also heard everything flashed across Reiji's head, Ranmaru began speaking again.

"I can't believe you... Of all the possible junk you could give us, you thought that the whole lot of us would leave you because of all that you just said." His voice was edged with disbelief, but Reiji could tell that Ranmaru was not angry. "Do you seriously believe that? Okay, yeah, the ice prick and I can be rude and inconsiderate from time to time, but to stoop that low and wanna disown you is just... And Natsuki? Of all the people that you could ever think would wanna leave ya, you went so far to think that it could be _Natsuki_? Unbelievable..."

Ranmaru facepalmed from below, but even from where he was, Reiji could tell that the Quartet Night member was serious.

"Sure, you can be a royal pain, a headache, and the most annoying comedian in the world, but no way are any of us freaking walking out on you. Not me. Not Camus. Not Ai. Not Natsuki. That's not what people with actual bonds do and you know that as much as the rest of us do!"

Reiji stared down at Ranmaru as tears stung in his eyes again. "Ran-Ran..."

"You're a genuine fool, Kotobuki."

Camus' deep voice came next and his ice blue eyes were staring up at Reiji, his tone not as cold as usual.

"Not a single one of us would be here if we were so insolent and shallow. As much as I have a tendency to disagree with the likes of Kurosaki, this is a clear exception, understand?"

"They are all correct, Reiji."

Ai spoke next, his voice clear and gentle.

"Everything that Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus said is true. The four of us will always be with you, regardless of anything. We will always stay by your side as people who are connected by bonds, feelings and thoughts, who share the same will to be there for one another, even if they do not often show it. Even if you don't believe in yourself yet, please believe us, because none of what we are saying is a lie, Reiji."

Reiji could hear the smile in Ai's voice as the latter spoke again, softly and kindly.

"That's sincere."

With eyes widened with tears, Reiji stared down at Ai, Ranmaru and Camus and turned to Natsuki, whose lips were curved into a warm, gentle smile. Reiji had been so terrified that they would end up leaving him when his cruel memories and true colours were revealed before their eyes, thought that he deserved to be loathed, to be blamed, to be abandoned after everything that had happened. But... none of them were leaving. Not Natsuki. Not Ai. Not Ranmaru. Not Camus. With their words and emotions veiling his wounded heart in pure warmth, Reiji let out a weak chuckle as tears dribbled down his cheeks and he smiled at Natsuki and the CCTV camera from which Ai, Camus and Ranmaru were watching them, a true glow radiating from deep within the heart that had bore wounds and scars that had hardly been spoken of.

"For knowing, understanding and accepting the real me, for remaining by my side despite my mistakes and lies..."

Reiji felt his lips slowly ease into a genuine smile lit with hope, trust and warmth, all that the four people here with him had embraced him with, as he squeezed Natsuki's hands tightly and spoke quietly and gently, meaning each and every word with every bit of his heart.

"... for believing in me when I couldn't... thank you, Nattsun, Ai-Ai, Ran-Ran, Myu-chan. Thank you for loving and accepting me as I am... even when I couldn't do it for my own self, for lighting a glow in this formerly-dormant heart that couldn't even forgive itself..."

Reiji pulled Natsuki into a tight hug, the warmth of his tears lingering on his cheeks.

"... that now shines brightly... because of you."

Ai Mikaze

The passenger car stopped gently at the bottom of the Ferris Wheel and swayed slightly. Ai, Ranmaru and Camus were already standing directly in front of the passenger car as the glass door slid open and Reiji and Natsuki exited together, with the former pulling the latter along with his right hand. Ai felt his own lips form a small smile as he faced both of his best friends, the glow of the Ferris Wheel blue, lilac and viridian behind them. Both males' faces were stained with tears. Tears that had dyed the night in sorrow and anguish. Tears that mirrored memories that were bright and broken all at once, that came and went as they pleased. Tears that now... had fallen to represent deep emotions and bonds that would never cease, that would only grow stronger no matter what, woven by an unwavering warmth. The music drowned into the illuminated night as Reiji's grey eyes slanted into a gentle smile and Natsuki turned to him with a sincere smile, and Ai could not help the warmth seeping through his chest.

_At the end... they are both alright._

"Reiji."

"Yes, Ran-Ran?" Reiji asked as Ranmaru folded his arms.

"Come here."

"Okay," Reiji answered as he approached Ranmaru, "but Ran-Ran, what- Ouchie!"

Ai sighed quietly as Ranmaru smacked Reiji on the side of the head and Natsuki's eyes widened and Camus shook his head. As Reiji rubbed his head with a wince, Ranmaru heaved a heavy sigh.

"It's unbelievable how much of a dunce you can be," Ranmaru commented, crossing his arms behind his head. "You gotta get the logic, Reiji. The whole lot of us are nothing like those two former-friends-who-turned-into-dimwits of yours. If they hated you that easily and even told ya to die, then they're not worth the time and pain. You don't deserve their junk, Reiji. You never did."

"But you didn't have to hit me on the head, Ran-Ran!" Reiji half-exclaimed-half-whined.

"His violent tendencies are out of hand, Kotobuki," Camus remarked with a smirk and his arms crossed.

Ranmaru snapped his head over to Camus in sheer disbelief. "Now you're siding with Reiji? What happened to the whole 'I agree with Kurosaki' speech?"

Camus scoffed. "If you were not half-deaf, I mentioned that it was an exception, you fool."

"And here I thought you were getting somewhat more bearable, sugar addict!"

"I could say the same for you, banana head."

"Why you..."

"Ran-Ran... Myu-chan..." Reiji started, glancing at the bickering duo nervously as Ai walked towards Natsuki, who smiled awkwardly at the argument. Natsuki smiled warmly when he saw Ai approaching him and they stood beside each other as Reiji tried and failed to calm down Ranmaru and Camus, both who were ceaselessly slinging insults at the other. As Natsuki wrapped an arm around him, Ai faced him and spoke softly.

"Natsuki."

"Yes, Ai-chan?" Natsuki asked, as welcoming as always.

"If you do not mind, I would like to ask a question..."

Ai hesitated for a second.

"Do you... think differently of me now? Now that you know that I was designed to look exactly like someone else."

Natsuki's green eyes widened for a brief moment, but then his eyes eased into a soft, kind smile and he shook his head at Ai.

"Not at all, Ai-chan."

He pulled Ai into a half-hug, giving his shoulder a tight squeeze.

"Ai-chan is Ai-chan, no matter what. Our cute, kind, warm, gentle and unique Ai-chan."

Ai's eyes widened in surprise and his mind recalled what Ranmaru and Camus had told him upon discovering his second purpose whilst listening to Reiji through the laptop.

 _"Look" is not the same as "is", Ai_ , Ranmaru had said, tousling Ai's hair. _I don't know who Aine is, but whoever he is, you're your own person. You're you; he's him. Nothing complex about that._

 _You are more than a mere replica, Mikaze_ , Camus agreed, nodding with a small smile on his face. _Despite the fact that you are not human, you are your own inimitable individual. If you asked Kotobuki and Shinomiya about this matter, they would be telling you the exact same fact._

Reiji turned to Ai and Natsuki and smiled softly as the latter's arm remained around Ai. The memory of Ai asking Reiji how he knew that he originally was not Aine not long after they first met glowed inside his head like a starry night sky and more warmth filled his chest at the words that Reiji had told him as Natsuki, Camus and Ranmaru's lingered on, sealed to memory.

 _I could feel it_ , Reiji had replied as he placed his grey fedora on the table at which they sat in the greenroom. _When I first saw you, my heart was telling me that you were not Aine. You guys may look alike, but Aine is Aine..._

Reiji had given him a slight smile.

_And you are you, Ai-Ai._

With the warm words that reassured Ai that he and Aine were separate despite his purpose and their identical appearances, he smiled a bit more and gave Natsuki a half-hug in return, leaning on the taller blond's right shoulder. Near Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus stopped arguing and faced Ai and Natsuki, the look in their eyes softening. Within fading moments, the five of them were all smiling together, with Reiji tackling Natsuki and Ai into a tight hug, Ranmaru grinning, and Camus smiling with his eyes closed, the night that had been excruciating now ignited by the irreplaceable bond that the five of them shared, by sincere words like "You are you" and "Always."

_Thank... you... Natsuki, Reiji, Ranmaru, Camus._

Ai mentally whispered the words as he tightened his arms around Natsuki and Reiji a little.

_With all that I am... thank you... for seeing me... as my own person._

"So wanna go and get some hot drinks before we head back?"

"Sounds good, Ran-Ran!" Reiji answered with a bright smile and he looked around at everyone. "Anyone has any suggestions where we could go?"

"There's a cafe with really nice and warm tea, coffee and milk tea nearby," Natsuki responded, his green eyes lighting up. "If you guys want to go there, I can show you guys the way."

"When it comes to tea, I have confidence in your expertise," Camus remarked with a satisfied look on his face, stroking his chin. "So if you say the tea there is pleasant, I believe you, Shinomiya."

"I am interested," Ai said, giving Natsuki a faint smile.

"No problem here," Ranmaru added, grinning.

"Yeap!" Reiji slung an arm around Natsuki and smiled radiantly. "So let's go, guys!"

Everyone agreed and they started to head towards the cars, with Reiji, Natsuki and Ai in one car and Ranmaru and Camus in the other. As Reiji joked about Ranmaru and Camus having a private ride together and the duo telling him to shut up, Ai heard the sound of an engine and he turned, only to find a black car slinking backwards and away into the night, disappearing behind the Ferris Wheel. Although Ai had not expected anyone else to come to the amusement park given the fact that Reiji had rented it for the night, he dismissed the matter and looked over his shoulder at the Ferris Wheel that was now glowing with the seven colours of the rainbow: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet.

_No matter what... I will never forget tonight... and neither will Natsuki, Reiji, Ranmaru nor Camus._

Ai smiled before entering Reiji's car, to which Natsuki held the door open for him.

_That... I am sincerely sure of._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Man, the stuff here's rockin' with flavor. I'm getting another drink."

"The milk tea here is sublime and the ambience is satisfyingly tranquil," Camus remarked with a satisfied expression as he added a teaspoon of sugar into his Earl Grey milk tea. "Not to mention, with Shinomiya's membership card, we can get quite considerable discounts."

"He's a real special guy to this place, alright," Ranmaru commented as he turned to Natsuki. "When we all came in, everyone from the staff recognized Natsuki at once and we all saw how their faces all lit up like the sun at night!"

"There is no sun at night, Kurosaki."

"You get my point, ice prick!"

"Ran-Ran is trying to be poetic, Myu-chan!"

"And you shut it, Reiji!"

Reiji and Natsuki laughed as Ai sighed with a faint smile. After leaving the amusement park, the five of them had gone to the cafe that Natsuki had recommended and were now seated in a private room with their drinks served. It was one of Natsuki's personal favourite cafes to go to, especially to relax. The atmosphere was warm and welcoming, which was exactly what they needed with the cold wind blowing outside, and the chatter of customers and staff silently accentuated the liveliness of the cafe like pink, yellow and orange fairy lights around a small candle. All of the staff were extremely warm and friendly and he was genuinely happy to see all of them smiling when the five of them came into the cafe. He had given the staff members who had become his friends a big hug each and introduced them to Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus.

 _We have not seen you for about a month now,_ _Nacchan_ _!_ one of the waiters, Taiki, had exclaimed with a bright smile as he led the five of them to a private room. _We saw the news that you're doing this big project! How is it going?_

 _It's going well,_ _Taiki_ _-kun!_ Natsuki had answered with a bright smile. _We all have been busy coming up with new songs and harmonies, but that's not all. We made and shared warm, precious memories together, and we are sharing even more right now._

Reiji had wrapped an arm around Natsuki with a genuine smile in his eyes as Ai, Camus and Ranmaru smiled slightly. Natsuki's lips had eased into a gentle smile.

_It's really warm here tonight,_ _Taiki_ _-kun._

Sitting at a white rectangular table beside Reiji and across from Ranmaru and Ai inside a private room, Natsuki took another sip of his rose milk tea as he and his friends all chatted with one another. _It's truly warm tonight._ The words slowly and kindly flowed through his head and heart like the warm yet strong aroma of everyone's milk tea and his lips curved into a true smile as he took out his notebook from his sling bag and turned it to pages 78 and 79.

_"The glow of the buildings dissolved into the night sky_

_Gently blurred by your eyes_ _"_

Outside of the window, rows of trees and glowing buildings away, was the Ferris Wheel. Its luminous azure, yellow and forest green disappeared into the jet-black sky, and a burning red, orange and pink took their place like sparks in a glass lantern. With warm tears starting to flow within him again, Natsuki smiled gently and wrote below the lyrics of "Never...":

_The lights of the Ferris Wheel change every 37 seconds. From blue to white, from green to purple, from yellow to orange. The lights glow against the night sky and illuminate them like fireworks, brightness reflecting colours like tears that almost resemble the falling fireworks. Warm, bright and beautiful. But lights cannot shine just on their own - they never could._

_Because what defines brightness... is colours._

Memories of what had happened in the amusement park and its Ferris Wheel flooded through Natsuki's head as Ranmaru pressed the Order button on the table and Taiki came in, bringing with them waves of emotions and tears.

_It's colours that grant their purest, brightest wishes to illuminate the nightscape and guide others. A Ferris Wheel will not be able to glow without colours, just like a glass lantern, just like a beating heart that wished to illuminate the lives of others._

_Painful colours like a sorrowful blue and fragile white..._

Natsuki would never forget how tears had slid down Reiji's face as his broken words defined the cruel night.

_Trembling colours like a terrified scarlet and a lonely purple..._

He would never forget how Reiji had grasped his hands tightly, terrified, broken and vulnerable all at once, and thought that he deserved to be hated and left behind.

_But also gentle colours like a calm_ _viridian_ _, morning blue, and soft lavender..._

He would never forget how Reiji had let everything that he had been tortured by not only flow, but whirl and pierce through the night like a hurricane of glass and tears, his grief and anguish dissolving the lights of the Ferris Wheel.

_And warm colours like a burning red, glowing orange and sunshine yellow..._

And Natsuki... would also never forget how he, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus all did everything they could to piece Reiji back together, to help him understand who he truly was, to hold him and assure him that they would never let go no matter what.

_Your colours are what make your tears and heart glow even brighter than any Ferris Wheel, fireworks, lantern or starry night sky. The painful ones, the trembling ones, the warm ones, the gentle ones, all of them in one heart that can never be replaced or imitated._

A tear peeked out of Natsuki's right eye and he wiped it away with a slight smile, his heart warm on the inside.

_You are who you are, with all your colours, words and emotions, and every time we go up that Ferris Wheel... we'll always be there to hold your hands._

"'... with all your colours, words and'-"

"Ranmaru, are you aware that you are reading the words verbally?"

"But he didn't notice, right? Let him write; I wanna watch."

"Look again, Kurosaki."

Pulled out of his memories and thoughts, Natsuki's eyes widened and he looked up, only to notice that Ranmaru and Ai were no longer sitting across from him and Reiji. A smirking Camus told Natsuki to turn around and he did, only for his heart to jump up at the sight of Ai and Ranmaru standing near his chair, with the latter's hand on the back of the chair and Ai on his right. Natsuki had been focused deeply in his thoughts and emotions that he had not noticed them leave their seats, let alone move to his and Reiji's side of the table. Ranmaru's lips curled into a sly grin while Ai smiled wordlessly. Blinking in shock, Natsuki turned again and found Reiji's grey eyes fixated on the open pages of the yellow notebook, specifically what Natsuki had just written. Reiji's expression was solemn and thoughtful, which made Natsuki's heart pulsate louder, and he could not tell what thoughts were seeping through the brunet's head. 

After a few more moments of silence trickled by, Reiji looked up from the notebook and faced Natsuki, the solemnity in his grey eyes unchanged, causing the latter's eyes to widen slightly.

Natsuki's heart throbbed even louder and faster as he tried to speak. "Rei-chan-senpai, I didn't mean to bring up the song again right after we talked about how much pain it-" 

A chuckle interrupted him and Natsuki's eyes widened in pure confusion as Reiji laughed quietly. "Um... Rei-chan-senpai?"

Ranmaru started to grin as Reiji faced Natsuki again, the brunet's eyes twinkling with humour.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Nattsun," Reiji assured him, letting out a few chuckles. Soon he stopped and looked Natsuki in the eye, his lips curving into a warm smile. "Really! You can be really cute and funny when you get all confused and nervous; I'm serious! But I mean it."

His grey eyes softened into a sincere smile.

"You were creating a beautiful writing intertwined with the memories of tonight and a song that you believe is beautiful. There's no wrong in that at all. There can never be any wrong in writing with your heart. That kind, beautiful Nattsun heart that will glow brighter than anything in the world..."

Tears peeked out of Reiji's smiling eyes.

"... and is one of the four reasons that I believe that mine can glow too."

He took Natsuki's hand in his and squeezed it tightly and unlike back at the start of the Ferris Wheel ride, he did not let go, and it gave Natsuki warmth amidst his smile. Neither did his hold waver even the slightest bit as tears slid down Reiji's face and he took Ai's hand into his other one and squeezed it as well, surprising the teal-haired boy. Within seconds, Ai was smiling too and so were Camus and Ranmaru.

"As long as I am with the four of you..."

Reiji beamed brightly with his eyes shimmering with tears, and they all knew that the emotions, the memories were all genuine, just like the warmth of their hearts all connected and glowing with and for one another.

"... my colours will glow as brightly as they can, as they are."

_"Still unfinished, this dream blossoms_

_Deep within my heart... Like a shining star_

_Lighting the love in my dormant heart,_

_Warmed by the words, "You're fine as you are""_

\- "Never...", by Reiji Kotobuki (Showtaro Morikubo)


	25. Clarity

Natsuki Shinomiya

The morning after the night at the amusement park, all the Shining Stars continued to work on their opening songs. It was Wednesday, so they only had a few more days to complete their songs and do their recordings. Natsuki, Reiji and Ren worked together like they had done on the previous days. They gathered and wrote down their ideas, discussed them, and hummed and sang the melodies and lyrics, sharing their opinions. Shining had given all the units the permission to go out of the mansion area to work on their songs, so upon Ren's suggestion, they went to the shopping centre and sat in the private room of an Italian restaurant that he liked with hot tea and lunches, and chatted and laughed in between work. They were almost done with the song. They had finalized the song's meaning and lyrics and only needed to adjust the composition a little more and then they would be ready to record the song.

"Opening songs are often expected to be energetic and loud, so I was surprised when the both of you and Ren decided to take a mellower approach with the song," Ai remarked as he looked up from the music sheets of Reiji, Natsuki and Ren's song. "However, looking at your composition and lyrics, you have taken me by a pleasant surprise. You made a song that is simultaneously mellow, meaningful and worthy of being an opening song."

"The idea of playing with the word 'clarity' with the usage of its three different meanings was clever and undoubtedly a success," Camus said, folding his arms. "Not bad, Shinomiya, Kotobuki."

"The fact that even the haughty sugar addict is complimenting the song without any sarcasm means that it's really somethin'," Ranmaru commented as his lips parted into a half-grin. "But not arguing with him or Ai on this one. Looking forward to the finished product."

Natsuki smiled brightly at Ai, Ranmaru and Camus and then turned to Reiji, who beamed back at him. Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus were at the cafe that Natsuki had introduced to them the night before, sitting in the exact same private room as before. After they were done for the day, Reiji and Natsuki had texted Ai, Ranmaru and Camus if they were already finished with their work too and if they wanted to hang out. Much to their surprise, Camus had already been sitting at the cafe and gotten the same private room as before, so after everyone had agreed to relax there, Reiji and Natsuki had picked Ai up and went there while Ranmaru drove there on his own. With cups of hot tea and milk tea on the table, they had been talking about their units and songs, exchanging music sheets and giving honest opinions about the songs.

While Camus and Ranmaru's units had to finalize the instrumentals and pitches of their songs, Ai's unit was almost done with their song, only needing to finalize the last stanza of the song. While sharing their experiences with their group members, Reiji and Ranmaru burst out laughing when Camus recounted how he had dragged Syo to a nearby bakery to work on their song.

"Pfft!" Ranmaru guffawed as Ai shook his head with an amused smile. "You're really dead on intent on making him miserable, aren't you?"

Camus smirked as he cut a small piece of his slice of strawberry cake. "I am not to be blamed if he coincidentally dislikes being around my confections."

"Tokiya, Masato and I were mostly okay with working in the lake area of the mansion," Ai told them as he stirred his lavender milk tea, "until a ladybug landed on Masato's hand and he shrieked out of fear."

Reiji grinned. "Now I have a better idea on-"

"No!" Camus, Ranmaru and Ai all said together.

Reiji's jaw dropped. "Hey! I haven't even finished!"

"We already know where you're going with this, so no!"

Natsuki's eyes widened in confusion. "Is there something wrong, senpais, Ai-chan?"

"Beware of Kotobuki on April Fools' Day, Shinomiya," Camus told Natsuki, his ice-blue eyes grave. "Be sure to make the necessary preparations the night before, especially since you are in one apartment with him. You need to keep a safe proximity away from Kotobuki and he is not to be trusted if you do not wish to be pranked by that peasant."

Reiji's eyes widened. "You guys-"

"If you are willing to, you may reside in my apartment that night," Ai offered, giving Natsuki a small smile. "It lowers the probability of falling victim to one of Reiji's pranks."

"No!" Reiji exclaimed, hugging Natsuki tightly. "Don't leave me, Nattsun! My pranks aren't that bad and I'm gonna be lonely without you!"

Natsuki chuckled and hugged Reiji back as Ranmaru stared at Reiji incredulously.

"Aren't that bad?" Ranmaru repeated, his voice amplifying. "Last April Fools', I woke up inside ice prick's room sleeping right. Next. To him!"

Natsuki tilted his head in confusion as Camus and Ranmaru cringed at the memory. "Eto... isn't it a good thing to be sleeping together with someone you like? Rei-chan-senpai made you happy, right?"

Camus nearly choked on his milk tea and Ranmaru's jaw dropped as Ai smiled amusedly and Reiji grinned.

"On second thought..." Ranmaru smacked his palm onto his face, "maybe you're the only one who can survive Reiji on that day."

With yells, laughter and exclaims ringing inside the room, Natsuki smiled as he spent more quality time with Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus, his heart beating with a true, shrouding warmth. Natsuki was truly happy. All the units were working together well, and after what had happened last night, all five of them could smile and laugh together, including Reiji. Natsuki turned to Reiji, who smiled brightly at him and pulled him into a half-hug. After everything that had happened so far during the opening units, it was the most peaceful day for all of them and one of the happiest. And Natsuki could not be more grateful that he could spend the last few hours outside with them just like this, smiling and getting closer to one another over cups of milk tea and words and laughter.

A few days later, however, the day of the recording of their songs, was not what Natsuki or any of them expected it to be.

" _Why_ are we here again?" Ranmaru questioned as he leaned against a tree trunk with his arms folded, his heterochromatic eyes narrowed into a deep frown.

"Ren claimed that he wanted to converse with us about an important matter," Ai answered, sitting at the edge of the fountain beside Camus. "He also stated that Shining's mansion is not a good place to hold a private conversation, which is why all of us are congregating here."

"Moreover, he did not request you, Kurosaki and me himself," Camus remarked with a scoff. "Instead, he had Shinomiya and Kotobuki forward the message."

"He knew we'd tell him to scram, that's why. Maybe not Ai, but us two for sure!"

Standing beside Reiji, Natsuki quietly listened to the conversation and looked around for signs of Ren. In the morning, after breakfast, Natsuki, Reiji and Ren were preparing to record their song when the latter requested to talk to them before they started. Reiji and Natsuki had thought that Ren was referring to their song, but much to their surprise, the orange-haired saxophonist was asking if they could have a private conversation - the three of them, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus - although he did not specify what it was about. Ren had asked them to tell the others for him as he did not want anyone else to know and that Ranmaru and Camus would not listen to him. They had agreed on the location and the time, so now all of them except for Ren were at the fountain plaza of a secluded park, with about five minutes to 4 p.m., the appointed time.

All the units were done with their songs, so going out was not a problem. However, not all of them were alright with Ren's idea of a meeting, especially since he did not mention why he wanted to talk. Ranmaru had cursed in the groupchat while Ai and Camus had expressed their suspicions and all five of them agreed to be careful, knowing that the last time one of Natsuki's band members asked to talk privately - Tokiya approaching Natsuki after performing "Still Still Still" - was not a pleasant experience, let alone one that restored their trust in the six other kouhais. As the sound of water cascading in the fountain rang throughout the area, Natsuki felt something nudge his shoulder and found a yellow canary perched there, tweeting assuringly. Smiling softly, Natsuki held out his index finger to the sweet bird and it took him on his offer, chirping even more happily now. Another finger slowly stroked the little canary on the head and Natsuki looked up at Ai, whose eyes softened, and they exchanged small smiles.

"What took you so long, Jinguji?"

At the sound of Camus' disapproving tone, the canary flapped its wings and took off into the sky, leaving behind a trail of yellow feathers floating down the cold autumn air. Natsuki turned and saw Ren walking towards the five of them, hands dipped into the pocket of his blue jeans, a smile on his face despite Camus' words.

"Hey, I'm still on time, Baron." Ren chuckled. "It's you guys who are earlier than the agreed time."

"You mean after you went ahead and got Natsuki and Reiji to tell us the news?" Ranmaru retorted.

"And you're here," Ren smirked playfully, "so mission accomplished."

"Why you little-"

"Please go straight to the point," Ai interrupted as Ranmaru scowled, his teal eyes calm and serious. "Why did you want to meet all five of us here and not wish for the other Starish members to know?"

"Yeah, Ren-Ren," Reiji agreed as Natsuki nodded slightly. "You never told us why even after all of us agreed to meet." Camus and Ranmaru were frowning. "Err... although reluctantly, for a few of us."

Ren looked away, his blue eyes lowered to the ground, not saying a word. His heart pounding in confusion and nervousness in his chest, Natsuki could feel himself starting to worry as the atmosphere tensed with uneasy silence like grey smoke rising into a clear blue sky, knowing that Ren was usually chatty, witty and made eye-contact with them.

"Ren-kun?" Natsuki called him gently. "Are you okay?"

Ren nodded, but still would not look at Natsuki, making him worry even more. Natsuki turned to Reiji and Ai, but they looked as puzzled as Natsuki felt. So did Ranmaru and Camus, annoyance starting to overshadow the former's face. A sharp breath pierced through Natsuki and he faced Ren, who let it out, his blue eyes raising from the ground to meet all of them again. Slowly, he opened his mouth and spoke in an unusually-quiet voice.

"Shinomi, Bukky, Aimi, Ran-chan, Baron..."

Ren clenched his fists as the words slipped through his lips.

"... I... I'm sorry."

Natsuki's eyes widened as they all stared at Ren in utter shock. They had almost never heard Ren apologize for anything. The time when they had a duet together, Tokiya had apologized to Natsuki on behalf of everyone in Starish, including Ren, but the latter did not apologize directly to him. Ren's teasing often annoyed and angered a number of the Shining Stars, especially Masato, Ranmaru and Syo, but he rarely apologized for it. At times, his apologies, when it came to his teasing, were sarcastic and witty, provoking Masato and the others even more. But Natsuki could hear the pain and guilt in Ren's voice as the orange-haired flirt apologized to them and said their nicknames one by one, the latter's clear blue eyes tight with agony. And while Natsuki was shocked like all the senpais were, with Ranmaru's mouth wide open, he could feel his heart wrench at his band member's pain.

"I'm not doing this for everyone like Icchi did back then," Ren continued, the pain on his face unchanged, his tone the same. "I'm not asking for anything from you either. I wanted to meet to say sorry, to tell you that I know what I did and that it wasn't fair or right. And I can't say it in front of the others as it'll just cause more fights, so here I am, Shinomi, senpais."

He looked around at everyone.

"I hurt all of you. I went along with Icchi, Shorty and everyone else and did not step in or argue back when I should have. I caused so much pain and let it be caused despite knowing what could happen and did not step forward or argue when I could have. I let Shorty yell at all of you when none of you were to be blamed. I looked away and did not defend you when everyone was upset and mad at you. I looked away and kept quiet when I could have stopped them, could have been a better friend to all of you. And I kept doing it even when I could see the pain on everyone's faces right before my eyes." Ren faced Ranmaru. "You were right when you called us all out on how what we did did not show a group whose strength was built on bonds. Because we were all being unfair to Shinomi and left him out like he didn't matter to us and even made him cry. And although you were right, I didn't listen. Because if I did listen, you guys wouldn't be hurt again."

Ranmaru's heterochromatic eyes softened a little and Ren took a few steps towards Natsuki.

"And the one whom I owe an apology the most to... is you, Shinomi." Ren placed a hand on Natsuki's shoulder and smiled painfully. "Not just for what has been happening ever since you first collapsed, but way before that, back when we were still living together. You're the kindest one out of all of us. The most understanding, trusting and loving person in Starish and possibly in my life. And just like Shorty and the others... I... I took advantage of it, abused it. I let everyone else do whatever they wanted with it. I went along when they chose to hang out without you because they, especially Shorty, 'wanted a break from you and Satsuki', and lied about it with them. I let them yell at you and lash out at you when you would never have done the same thing to them and never deserved it. I even let Shorty get away with calling you names like 'burden' and 'weirdo' when I knew that even as you smiled, it hurt you. You smiled at us no matter what we did and did not do and we... we did not deserve it. I did not."

Squeezing Natsuki's shoulder tightly, Ren turned to face Reiji and Ai, neither whom said a word.

"I have to admit that at first, I did not understand why you chose to be with Bukky and Aimi over us. We had been living together for more than two years, and I never thought you would move out. But then I watched you guys and saw the difference. The three of you placed the other two over yourselves. How you shared everything together and never left anyone out. How you shared both your pain and joy, your happiness and sorrow. I was actually awake when Shinomi woke up that night after collapsing and heard all three of you talking. Shinomi was crying because he was hurt and did not want you to be sad because of him and Bukky and Aimi were sad because Shinomi was sad. And following you out for a bit, I saw the three of you staying up together and making sure that you guys were alright. How you held one another and let Shinomi cry. And I knew that if this happened when Shinomi was around Starish, Shorty would be telling Shinomi to shut up and no one would help out. And that's not all."

Ren smiled slightly at Natsuki.

"You changed, Shinomi. I could see it when I worked with you and Bukky. Your eyes shine even brighter than back when you were still living with me and the others. And with all honesty... I'm really happy for you. I really am. You deserve to be happy, Shinomi, even though I failed to be a part of that happiness because of what I did and did not do."

He let go of Natsuki's shoulder and looked down.

"So... even though I don't deserve to be your friend, I'm really sorry and I'm glad... that you're in my life. You don't have to forgive me and I'd understand-"

Ren was cut off mid-sentence when Natsuki pulled him into a big hug. Natsuki could feel Ren stiffen in surprise and after a few more moments, he let go and his eyes met the orange-haired male's shocked expression. Shaking his head, Natsuki placed his hands on Ren's shoulders and smiled warmly before speaking.

"We're always going to be friends, Ren-kun."

Ren stared at him with widened eyes. "Shinomi..."

"That'll never change no matter what," Natsuki continued, his heart meaning every single word with a sincere smile. "We love you, Ren-kun. I can't say that what happened didn't hurt us, but that doesn't mean that we can't be friends. That we can't start over. It's okay."

Natsuki squeezed Ren gently on the shoulders and smiled warmly.

"We're okay, Ren-kun."

"Shinomi, I-"

"I know that you were at the amusement park two nights ago, Ren."

Ai spoke and Ranmaru, Reiji, Camus and Natsuki all stared at him in shock.

"I saw a black car when we were about to leave," Ai explained, "when no one else was supposed to be there. So I looked through the CCTV footage and saw that it was you. You followed Natsuki and Reiji, but I saw the expression on your face when they came down from the Ferris Wheel, and I knew that you were looking out for them. And the fact that no one else from Starish knew about what happened even though you heard what Ranmaru, Camus and I told Reiji using the microphone means that you were protecting us."

Ai gave Ren a small smile.

"That's what friends do for one another, and we appreciate it, Ren."

"Nattsun and Ai-Ai are both right," Reiji said, patting Ren on the back with a smile. "We're glad you came through and apologized. That's what matters the most; the fact that you understand. You're our friend, Ren-Ren!"

Reiji paused for a moment.

"And thank you... for not questioning what you heard that night when it was clear that it was about me."

Ren patted Reiji on the shoulder and gave him a light smile. "No problem here, Bukky. I'm just glad that you were smiling at the end."

"There was a drastic proportion of your behaviour that I resented when it came to you, Jinguji."

Camus' eyes were serious but not judging.

"However, it was courteous of you to show decency and confess your mistakes unlike the other peasants. Now I have no more hard feelings. Regarding you, that is."

"What about you, Ran-Ran?" Reiji asked, turning to Ranmaru, who was still leaning against the tree trunk with his arms folded. Ranmaru let out a heavy sigh and his eyes sharpened on Ren as he pulled away and walked towards his assigned mentee.

"Let me say this: I was real mad at ya. I've lost count of the number of urges I've had to shove a fist into your face for what happened. You hurt Natsuki and made all us senpais feel like we failed. Failed to notice what we should have. Failed to be there for one of our own not just as mentors, but as people who look out for one another. More than anything, I hated the approach you all took. Hated the lowlife act you resorted to even though it'd hurt the rest of us."

Ranmaru stopped when he was right in front of Ren, their eyes locked.

"But it's a real surprise to hear you actually own up to what you did. And it's not the bad kind."

He smacked Ren lightly on the shoulder.

"That's what really deserves forgiveness, don't you think?"

Ren stared at everyone with widened eyes. "Shinomi, Ran-chan, senpais..." Natsuki, Reiji and Ai smiled as Ranmaru and Camus nodded. Soon, Ren closed his eyes and smiled, letting out a chuckle. "I'm honestly relieved. I thought that all of you would be much harder on me and I can't say I don't deserve it."

He opened his blue eyes and gave them a sincere smile.

"Thank you, Shinomi, Ran-chan, Bukky, Baron, Aimi. For still seeing me as a friend."

Beaming brightly, Natsuki pulled Ren into another big hug, earning laughs from the latter and Reiji. "I missed your hugs a lot more than I thought, Shinomi." Ren returned the hug as Reiji joined them and Natsuki could hear the happy chirping of birds from afar, lightening the air like sunshine illuminating the sky. When they let go of one another, Ren ruffled Natsuki's hair and Ai suggested that they all headed back to get ready for the dinner party celebrating the end of the opening round, to which everyone agreed.

"I would like to ask you a question, Ren."

Ai addressed Ren as the six of them walked towards the cars together.

"Did Starish plan anything against us?"

"Yeah," Ren answered, and Camus and Ranmaru immediately frowned, "you got that right, Aimi. Icchi came up with it. The plan was that while Icchi and Hijirikawa made sure that Aimi stayed with them as long as possible, I was to try and cause a rift between Shinomi and Bukky."

"So that was their intention when Tokiya attempted to invite me to have dinner with him, Masato and Syo after the interview," Ai remarked, unsurprised, "even though I had explicitly stated that I had plans."

"Lowlifes," Ranmaru mumbled.

"But you didn't do anything, Ren-kun," Natsuki pointed out and Ren let out a chuckle and ruffled his wavy blond hair.

"That's kind of you to say, Shinomi. You're right. I told Icchi and the others that I would do it, but I never intended to go on with it. I lied, Shinomi, senpais. I lied because I didn't want to hurt you guys again."

"Was spying a part of the plan?" Ranmaru questioned.

Ren shook his head. "No, it wasn't, Ran-chan. Why do you ask?"

Ranmaru frowned even more. "Because the night Natsuki woke up, I was up too. And while I somehow didn't see you snooping on him, Reiji and Ai, I caught someone else red-handed."

Ai narrowed his eyes while Ren, Natsuki and Reiji stared at Ranmaru in confusion. Camus, who was frowning with suspicion in his ice-blue eyes, spoke up.

"Who?"

Masato Hijirikawa

Masato closed his eyes and glided his fingers across the gentle white tiles of the grand piano.

The opening round had come to an end. The moment the last unit to have their turn, Camus and Syo's unit, finished recording, it was over. The Shining Stars were officially done with their four songs and all that there was to do was to attend the dinner party at 7 p.m. and wait for the songs to be released at precisely 10 p.m.. As the calm, mysterious aura of his unit's song shrouded the atmosphere around him and the piano like cold mist, Masato mentally recalled how the units had cooperated throughout the week.

Everyone was professional, which was an unspoken obligation, but none of them let their guard down towards those on the opposite end. Masato could vividly recall how Ai had been cordial but careful around him and Tokiya, just like they were to him, and how Syo had been polite to Camus in public despite ranting about him vehemently to Masato, Tokiya and the others. All in all, they were professionals that got their task done rather than friends who trusted one another, with the eleven of them being divided into two sides of a silent war triggered by mistakes, resentment and calamity, by clashing intentions and emotions. It was not a matter of unity but work obligations and professionalism, and the thought brought a sense of cold uneasiness to Masato's chest.

 _Intentionality..._ he muttered his song's theme in his head, nearly losing focus on his rhythm. _My intentions... in regards to the current situation... what I hope to gain..._

But even colder than that newly-found uneasiness...

_... this rigid professionalism, this absence of warmth and pleasantries..._

... was ambivalence. His ambivalence.

_Is this truly what I wished for...?_

Ambivalence lulled out by a particular brusque, indignant senior.

_"What do you think you're doing?"_

Masato felt himself stiffen at the sight of his silver-haired senior narrowing his eyes with an intense stare directed at him, demanding him for answers. There was no excuse for what he had done; that was vividly blatant to him simply by looking into his senior's heterochromatic eyes. Masato had been on the way to the grand piano when he glanced through the glass window and saw Natsuki, Reiji and Ai sitting by the lake together. He had not been informed that Natsuki had regained consciousness and decided to quietly observe them from afar, making a mental note to tell Tokiya about this when the male woke up. Masato and Tokiya were supposed to keep Ai away from Natsuki and Reiji for as long as humanly possible according to their plan, but it appeared that the three of them found time for one another yet again, and it did not vote well for Masato and Tokiya's intention.

However, Masato had not expected anyone else to be awake and had frozen when he saw Ranmaru just when he was about to turn a corner and leave. And judging from the threat that ensued his hesitation, Masato could tell that Ranmaru was not pleased. Quietly meeting the eyes of the hot-tempered rocker, Masato glanced at the trio on the other side of the window and spoke evenly.

"I was passing by when I saw them, Kurosaki-san. No one notified me that Shinomiya had woken up."

"Your body language is way too tense for it to be just about that," Ranmaru responded almost immediately and Masato nearly flinched at the senpai's sharp shrewedness. He frowned. "Be honest. You were spyin' on them for your own benefit, weren't ya?"

Masato looked down, the truth in Ranmaru's words piercing through him like a sharpened katana.

"I knew it."

He winced slightly and his senior sighed heavily.

"Hey. Masato."

Masato slowly tilted his head back up and met Ranmaru's serious gaze.

"Tell me something." Surprisingly, Ranmaru was not yelling at him or even raising his voice. "Is this what you really want?"

Ranmaru jutted his chin towards the glass window with his arms folded across his chest.

"Look at 'em for a minute."

Wordlessly, Masato turned to face the window and looked through the glass. Reiji, Natsuki and Ai were still sitting together on the same bench. Natsuki was wiping a few tears from his face with a gentle smile while saying something that Masato could not hear with the wall of glass between them. With a warm smile, Reiji ruffled Natsuki's blond hair and pulled the blond into his arms while speaking and Ai smiled softly and squeezed Natsuki's shoulder gently. Masato barely noticed that he had been holding his breath as he observed the trio that he and the others had planned to slowly drift apart, at the genuine, heartfelt love and care that they felt for one another as they sat there sharing warmth under a cold night. Pain etched Masato's heart like a deep scar as Natsuki draped his jacket over Ai's shoulders and gave the teal-haired senpai his mug with a kind smile and Reiji beamed at the two of them. The thought of their innocuous, deep friendship being shattered apart twisted through Masato's heart like shards of a broken mirror, and he knew that it was the result that he and the others had plotted to achieve. But looking at trio before his eyes...

... it was like it was only now that the reality of how... cruel... he and his band members were being truly pierced through his head.

"Do you really wanna ruin this for them?"

Ranmaru was not looking at Masato as he spoke, his normally-gruff voice almost quiet.

"You can tell how happy they are just by watching from afar, can't you? It's plain obvious that you lot don't like the idea of Natsuki being close to Reiji and Ai, but just because you don't like something it doesn't give ya the right to take anything away from someone else. As someone who knows you, I know that you're a decent guy, Masato. And decent guys know deep down in their hearts that they do not want to be the reason someone they care about cries. I'm not demandin' for an answer, but ask yourself this. Do you really want to tear them apart for the sake of 'bringing Natsuki back', as you probably call it?"

Masato lowered his eyes, finding himself speechless. Letting out a sigh, Ranmaru turned away from the window and his back faced Masato, his hands deep in his jeans' pockets, neither of them saying a word for a few long moments of stifling silence.

"And you know what I find real unbelievable?"

Ranmaru's voice was no longer quiet as he spoke to Masato without looking at him.

"The fact that I'm even having this conversation with you of all the punks."

Without another sigh or syllable, Ranmaru had walked away, leaving Masato standing alone by the windows behind which the trio whose friendship he and the others had planned to crack apart were deep in their own serenity, oblivious to his presence. Back in reality, Masato let out a quiet sigh and stopped his fingers on the black keys of the piano, slowly opening his eyes. Masato had not disagreed when Tokiya told everyone that while they were taking advantage of Natsuki's kindness, it was for all of their sakes, including Natsuki's own. But now Masato discovered himself trapped in a cold dilemma that only threatened to suffocate him alive like white smoke. Was this selfishness truly for "the greater good"? Or was it simply for what they believed was "the greater good", what they wanted to believe was "right"? Was it truly equitable of them to sacrifice Natsuki's feelings, along with Reiji and Ai's, just so that things would go back to the way they were before Tablo Ozrock assaulted Natsuki? Because the more Masato thought of Ranmaru's words and the cruel aftermaths, the worse the sickening feeling in his gut became, like the spreading of a lethal poison. Masato had always seen Tokiya as someone who was quite similar to him, whom he could easily understand because of their similar ways of thinking. But... was Masato truly in complete agreement with Tokiya this time?

Masato clenched his fists, frustration slowly starting to break through his calm exterior.

Since when did Masato question himself this much?

"Hijirikawa-san."

Snapping out of his thoughts, Masato regained his composure and turned to face Tokiya, who was descending the spiralling staircase behind him. "Ichinose."

"Have you seen Ren?" Tokiya inquired.

Masato shook his head. "No."

Tokiya rubbed his temple with a sigh. "Great. Just when I needed to talk to him."

Masato knew that Tokiya believed that Ren had been going along with the plan to create a rift between Natsuki and Reiji and indirectly, Ai. However, Masato also knew that Ren had not done anything that would end up hurting the trio, let alone wanted to. It was just that Masato never told Tokiya about that or about how Ren had deliberately not told anyone when he knew that Ai was a factor not to be overlooked back when Natsuki, Tokiya and Ai had to perform on the same talk show. With a slight smile, Tokiya said that he would give Ren a call and lightly encouraged Masato to play the piano well, to which the latter nodded and smiled back. However, as Tokiya went back up the stairs, Masato could feel ambivalence coiling around his heart like barbed wires, tormenting him with questions that he could not answer with absolute certainty.

_As I question what exactly my true intentions are..._

He shut his eyes tightly, gritting his teeth a little.

_... all my thoughts and emotions end up distorted and devoid of true clarity, which I need more than anything right now._

Cecil Aijima

"Ne, Cecil. Do you really think they'll want to talk to us?"

"Ai-senpai, Ranmaru-senpai and Camus may not," Cecil answered Otoya, lowering his eyes, "but Reiji-senpai and Natsuki, especially Natsuki, will hear us out."

He smiled sadly at the redhead.

"I hope we can tell them before they move out of the mansion again."

Otoya nodded, his eyes downcast as the two of them walked beside together along the corridors of the mansion. There were only a few more hours before the dinner party and they had seen Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru return to the mansion together. Guessing that Natsuki and Reiji were in the Unit 3 bedroom, Cecil and Otoya were heading there together, hoping to speak with them before the opportunity disappeared. Honestly, the more steps they left behind, the more Cecil's little confidence wavered in his chest, but he breathed in and out, knowing that it wasn't supposed to be easy, that they did not deserve to have an easy way out.

_"Don't go breakin' him just 'cause he's the one who'll smile regardless what ya do."_

Ranmaru's words from the first day of the opening round had truly gotten to them more than they had thought they would. Cecil had caught himself mulling and contemplating them over and over like the echoing sound of the metronome, causing guilt and uneasiness to stir inside his heart more so than before. The truth was that all of what Ranmaru had said was right. Cecil, Otoya, Syo and the others had all been taking advantage of Natsuki, breaking him despite how kind he had always been to them. And Cecil knew that they deserved all the resentment and anger that the four senpais held against them, remembering Reiji and Ai's anguished looks and Camus and Ranmaru's merciless glares, tortured by the memory of Natsuki breaking down in the living room.

So Cecil and Otoya had talked about Ranmaru's words and agreed to try and approach Natsuki and Reiji to talk about what had been happening, to say sorry. As they neared the unit rooms, Cecil and Otoya couldn't help but glance around nervously, both of them silently praying that they did not run into the wrong people. Cecil could already imagine Camus' ice-blue eyes pierce through his soul while Ai's unwelcoming poker face and Ranmaru's scowl amplified his fears, but they were not what he and Otoya were the most worried about. A bead of sweat broke on his back as he increased his pace, an ominous, dreadful feeling sinking his heart.

What they were most afraid of was being caught by-

"Where are you guys going?"

Cecil and Otoya froze as the voice of one of the people that they desperately did not want to run into rang inside their ears like thunder. Gulping, Cecil turned and saw their fellow band member approaching them, his blue eyes filled with puzzlement.

"Syo," he and Otoya addressed the shorter male.

But deep down, both of them knew that things were about to turn ugly. Especially when Syo frowned and asked them,

"You guys alright? You look nervous."

Otoya's eyes darted over to Cecil as the latter mentally started to panic.

_Oh no._

Reiji Kotobuki

"It's me, Aine."

The words slipped through Reiji's lips quietly, barely able to be heard by his own ears as he stood before the bed encased by a glass capsule, before his comatose best friend who bore the same appearance as another best friend of his.

"Sorry..." his voice faltered a little as he smiled weakly, "it's been a while since I last came to see you."

Ai had to go to the professor's house for his scheduled maintenance, and Reiji and Natsuki were accompanying him, with the latter coming for the first time. Ai had offered for Ranmaru and Camus to come too, but the two politely declined, saying that it wasn't time for them to yet. The professor had seemed happy to see Natsuki for the first time, saying that Ai had talked about him before. While Ai was being taken care of by the professor, Reiji and Natsuki were allowed to see Aine, who laid peacefully under the glass, almost as though he was merely fast asleep, his expression deceiving others from seeing a scarred, wounded heart. No matter how many times he came, no matter how long Reiji stood there by that bed enclosed by that cold, cold glass, staring at his silent friend wearing that mechanical helmet connected to countless wires and machines, he would always feel like he was being submerged into ice-water, suffocated by the air that he could hardly take in, that would be choked out of him by his strangled heart, by memories that left ashes each time they burned in his head.

And he would always feel like crying, whether or not the tears actually fell, just like now as a lump trapped itself in his throat and tears rose behind his eyes like the memories behind his head.

But...

"But today... Ai-Ai and I didn't come alone."

Reiji placed a hand on top of the hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently.

"I wanted to introduce you to Nattsun. Natsuki Shinomiya, my and Ai-Ai's closest friend, who moved and changed both of us as he is, with his kind, incandescent heart."

He turned and smiled gently at Natsuki.

"You'd love him."

Natsuki smiled faintly and squeezed Reiji's shoulder gently as the latter crouched down and took out a small white envelope from his jacket's pocket.

"This is for you, Aine," he said, smiling a little, taping the white envelope to the side of the encapsulated bed, on the lower part of the glass. "I wrote it, but there's a little bit of Nattsun and Ai-Ai in it too. About what they gave me and what I want you to understand. I don't know when you'll read it, but I hope you do."

Reiji stood up again and placed a hand on the cold glass gently.

"I know you can't hear me," Reiji spoke in a near-whisper, his heartbeat thrumming in his eardrums, "that you're resting and need it, but... I wanted to tell you that for the first time ever since the first visit... I'm not here to apologize. I'm not here to say that I don't deserve your forgiveness and that I should have been there for you, even though I never forgot those words or lost that guilt. I'm here to tell you that it's become much clearer to me what I should be saying in place of apologies that will only drown me into grief that will only hurt others, what I should be doing as I hope that I can see you open your eyes and smile again."

A tear rolled down his face.

"I... should be breathing."

Letting out a shaky breath, Reiji watched over Aine's serene expression and smiled weakly.

"For the sake of everyone that I love and care about, for those I hold dear to me, for you, for Nattsun and Ai-Ai, for Ran-Ran, Myu-chan and everyone else and even my own self..." he confessed, "I need to truly breathe with an open heart. To live knowing that I deserve to. To aim to shine like the fireworks in a dark sky and the Ferris Wheel at night - no, even brighter than that. Because I can't sincerely live for the people I cherish if I keep hating myself for what's in the past. If I keep believing that I deserve to die, that happiness is taken away from me because I don't deserve it. So today... I come with not only a broken soul, but two best friends that I love and care about, a bright epiphany, and fireworks that light up my heart brighter than those that are bound to set the outside sky alight soon ever can."

He let out a soft sob, but smiled through his tears as his words slipped through the night.

"I'll live for you... as my way of being here for you... Aine."

That was when the first crackling was heard. Reiji turned his head towards the glass window and his eyes widened as more rockets were shot up into the sky and ignited into red, orange, yellow and white colours, followed by purple, blue and green, then pink, violet and gold. The lights bloomed across the vast darkness like glow-in-the-dark flowers and fireflies at midnight, their luminosity flashing across Reiji's face like the memories across his head. As he stared at the fireworks that Shining had told everyone he had planned at the dinner party, Reiji felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around him and a sincere warmth shrouded him like the warm colours of a glowing sunrise. His eyes widening, Reiji turned and saw Natsuki hugging him tightly, giving him a gentle and warm smile as Reiji stared at him.

"You're crying, Rei-chan-senpai."

Natsuki's words were quiet as the crackling of fireworks rang throughout the air again.

"But... you're glowing too. Brighter than those fireworks, you're shining with an open heart."

Natsuki squeezed Reiji softly and his green eyes smiled genuinely at him.

"Aine would be smiling knowing that, just like we all are."

Letting out a few sobs as warm tears streamed down his face, Reiji let his lips curve into a true, warm smile as he hugged Natsuki back and they stood in that room in the professor's house, the fireworks of their hearts glowing across their own skies. The door opened, revealing Ai, and with a small smile, he joined them, wrapping his arms around the both of them as they exchanged true smiles and the crackling of fireworks that signalled the end of the opening round and the release of their new songs continued like the sizzling of an everlasting flame that willed itself to live to guide others home.

_Later the three of us will meet Myu-chan and Ran-Ran in that cafe. We'll smile and laugh and listen to our songs together over hot drinks and just be there for one another, with no pretences, no masks, no lies._

Reiji smiled as he wiped his tears away with the sleeve of his jacket and viridian, yellow and orange fireworks illuminated the sky with their sparkles, representing his unit.

_Someday I'll bring all four of them to that amusement park and go up on that Ferris Wheel together and I hope... that I'll have the chance to take you there too, Aine, and I'll be waiting for that day to come... with an open heart and arms wide open for you._

Ai Mikaze

Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus stayed up together until it was almost 1 a.m. of the next day. After purchasing drinks from the cafe that Natsuki had recommended to them, which had become their favourite place to get drinks, the five of them had gone to the river together, with it being Ranmaru and Camus' first time, and sat there while smiling, laughing and listening to their new songs together. Ranmaru had remarked that it was a nice place to relax and have peace and quiet in while Camus had said that Natsuki was intelligent when it came to finding the best places with tranquility. It was Ai and Camus who managed to keep track of the time and told them that they needed to head back and sleep sufficiently, so now all of them had returned to the mansion to their respective unit rooms, which they would depart from hours from now as the opening round was over.

_My battery is quite low, but 28% is not critically low, so I can say that I managed it well today._

He quietly noted his statistics, not forgetting that the two Starish members in the bedroom were still unaware of his non-human identity and could not find out about it.

_Then about 5 more minutes of being awake will do no harm, right?_

Ai had finished packing his belongings to leave for his apartment, so there were no more necessary tasks for him to do. Sitting at the edge of his soft bed, Ai turned his cellphone on and assessed his gallery. Smiling faintly, he tapped and scrolled along the screen and found the photo that he was looking for. It was a photograph of himself, Reiji, Natsuki, Camus and Ranmaru at the river. Just as they were leaving, Reiji had suggested that the five of them took a photo together at this special place, under the stars, by the serene, ever-flowing river that reflected the night sky. In the selfie, Ranmaru, upon Reiji's insistence, was holding out the cellphone with a grin while Natsuki was hugging both Ai and Reiji and Reiji had an arm slung around Camus, who smacked the brunet with his sceptre immediately after the picture was taken.

_To capture a memory into a frozen image and look at it from time to time as though you wish to relive the scene... that is 'sentimentality', isn't it?_

Smiling slightly, Ai looked through more photos from tonight, taken at the dinner party, at the cafe, in the car, and at the river, with most of the images of tonight either of the five of them or of himself, Reiji and Natsuki.

_It is pleasant to have something to be 'sentimental' about, right? To have something dear to you, to have a memory so precious that reliving it does not sound like a bad idea..._

Ai had been looking through some of the photos as the professor, Hakise, did his scheduled maintenance for him. Hakise had not talked much, but out of the corner of his eye, Ai could see the person who had created him in the first place smile faintly, whether or not the man knew that Ai saw him doing so. To be honest, Ai noticed that Hakise appeared to be somewhat happier than usual, smiling more frequently with a lighter, merrier tone. Was it because there was more progress in awakening Aine, even though he did not say a word to Ai about it? Was it because he knew that Ai was learning more about "emotions", thanks to Reiji and Natsuki, as well as Ranmaru and Camus? Sometimes Ai wondered if the fact that he was connected to Aine's brain activity was equivalent to Aine experiencing what Ai experienced, seeing the memories that Ai got to be a part of, projecting himself to what Ai could see, hear and somehow, feel.

 _We are not the same, Aine_ , Ai whispered gently in his head. _Reiji, Natsuki, Camus and Ranmaru convinced me that it was so. However... if you could hear the gentle melody of the canary or the consoling voices of the people who reached out to me, if you could see their genuine smiles and the colourful glows of their hearts, if you could feel what they gave me, if you could feel the warmth of Reiji and Natsuki's tears and smiles and the pain, joy, sorrow and brotherly affection that we got to share with one another..._

Ai placed a hand over his chest and could not feel a pulse, but smiled anyway.

_... I hope that they managed to move your heart... and give you at least a little clarity on the reasons why... you should live on._

_"There is never just a single answer_

_Guided by the bond between us,_

_With you who with a smile believes in me,_

_Together, we'll keep walking"_

\- "Innocent Wind", by Ai Mikaze (Shouta Aoi)


	26. True Passion

Reiji Kotobuki

"I _still_ don't see why you couldn't have just gone out and bought the food from some restaurant."

"Don't be like that, Ran-Ran!" Reiji laughed as Ranmaru frowned at him. "You and Myu-chan never specified where the food was comin' from, so I thought I'd cook up an awesome storm for my dear buddies and the five of us could have dinner together here at my and Nattsun's place!"

"If it were not for the fact that you put yourself and Ai in charge of cooking meals that we would eventually chow down, I'd already whack you on the head. Repeatedly, may I add."

"H-Hey! Don't be a meanie, Ran-Ran!"

It was four days after the opening round of the Starish X Quartet Night project ended. Shining had given them a week off the project, telling them to use the time to work on their solo songs and rest before he gave them the details of Round 2. Reiji had remembered that he and Ai had previously made a deal with Ranmaru and Camus to treat them to their favourite food in exchange for the two of them supporting them the day Natsuki had to tell the other Starish members that he was moving out of the dorms, although Reiji knew that Camus and Ranmaru did not do it merely for the sake of free food. Completely aware that he had not specified how exactly he and Ai were going to treat Ranmaru and Camus to their meat and sweets, Reiji had decided with a wide grin to see it as an opportunity for all five of them to hang out at the apartment together. Natsuki was making hot Earl Grey milk tea for all of them in the kitchen while Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru were sitting in the living room with a deck of cards at the centre of the glass table, the five of them having come to an agreement to bond, albeit reluctantly in Ranmaru and Camus' case.

"Psst! Reiji! Ai!"

Ranmaru's voice was suddenly lowered into an urgent whisper as he stole a glance at the kitchen area.

"You didn't put Natsuki in charge of cooking too, did you?"

Reiji's eyes widened at Ranmaru's question.

"You didn't, right?" Ranmaru sounded almost desperate.

"I-"

"Guys, your milk tea is ready!"

Natsuki appeared in the doorway and beamed brightly at all of the senpais with a tray in his hands.

"Let's drink them while they're hot and play together! I brought a bowl of sugar in case it's not sweet enough for you guys!"

"Thank you, Nattsun!" Reiji said with a bright smile as Natsuki set the tray down on the glass table and took a seat next to him.

Natsuki beamed back and gave him a hug. "Yeap!"

As he sighed happily at the aromatic scent of the milk tea, Reiji glanced at Ranmaru. While the silver-haired rocker's expression had reverted back to normal, Reiji could not help but ponder over what Ranmaru had asked him and Ai. One of Natsuki's main hobbies had always been cooking, but his cooking was quite peculiar. It was peculiar in the sense that the ingredients were mismatched and the cooking techniques were sometimes incoherent, to the point that the final results, to normal standards, were not exactly what was desired, to put it gently. Reiji remembered how Syo, Otoya and Cecil had often passed out and how Ranmaru, Camus and Masato had thrown up after tasting Natsuki's cooking back in the Master Course, with Natsuki being completely oblivious that his cooking had detrimental effects. No one normally asked Natsuki to cook; if anything, they tried to get Natsuki to stay away from the kitchen without outright telling him exactly why, which was quite difficult considering how kind Natsuki was to the point that he often volunteered to cook for all of them.

Except that this time... Reiji and Ai did not have to try to convince him to not cook.

"What game would you like to play?"

"Go Fish is nice."

"Let's play that then!"

Ai nodded and began to shuffle the cards, and Reiji looked at Natsuki, who was quietly sipping his milk tea. When Reiji and Ai told Natsuki that they were going to cook for Ranmaru and Camus, they had expected him to ask if he could help too, but instead, Natsuki had nodded and said that he would prepare the drinks for all of them. That had struck Reiji as odd. Not the part where Natsuki was making the drinks for all of them - that was the blond being as kind as always - but the fact that he did not ask if he could help cooking when he loved cooking, especially when it came to doing so for them. To be completely honest, it was starting to worry Reiji, along with the realization that ever since they had started living together, Natsuki had not cooked at all even though it was his passion and Reiji had told him that he was more than welcome to use the kitchen. Natsuki had helped with countless household chores, but not once had he cooked. It was as though Natsuki was avoiding it, and pain twisted through Reiji's heart at the thought that Natsuki had decided to quit doing something that he loved to do, even if the results were not exactly what they would have liked.

So as Ai was distributing the cards and everyone was sipping their milk tea, Reiji turned to Natsuki and spoke.

"Nattsun."

Natsuki looked at Reiji. "Yes, Rei-chan-senpai?"

Although he knew what would come if he asked what he was about to ask, Reiji did not hesitate when he spoke.

"Would you like to help me and Ai-Ai cook dinner later?"

Camus choked on his milk tea while Ranmaru's jaw dropped and Ai's eyes widened in surprise. All of them stared at Reiji as the latter waited for Natsuki to reply, with Ranmaru shooting him the look that said "Do you freaking want us to die?" Natsuki's eyes widened as well, as though he had not expected Reiji to ask that question. However, soon Natsuki lowered his eyes to the glass table on which his cards were facing downwards and shook his head.

"I'll just make the drinks and prepare the table, Rei-chan-senpai. I'm sorry."

Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus' eyes all dilated in shock. Now Reiji was more than sure that something was definitely upsetting Natsuki in regards to cooking, and he was certain that the other Quartet Night members knew it too. And it hurt him deeply seeing Natsuki like this. His heart wrenching at the anguish in his best friend's quiet voice, Reiji wrapped an arm around Natsuki, whose eyes remained downcast, noting that Ai, Ranmaru and Camus were all staring at the blond kouhai in confusion and concern.

"You usually love to cook, Nattsun," Reiji said softly. "You normally volunteer without us even asking, so it's really unlike you to decline to cook. Not to mention, I noticed that you haven't cooked ever since moving in with me, and I'm getting really worried about you."

Natsuki's eyes remained lowered and Reiji squeezed his shoulder softly.

"Please tell us what's wrong. We're here for you."

Ai nodded in agreement as Ranmaru and Camus grunted. Natsuki slowly raised his eyes from the ground and looked at all of them quietly, sorrow glimmering in his kind green eyes behind his black-framed glasses. In a few moments, he took a deep breath and let it out and slowly spoke, but the words that slipped from his lips were not at all what any of the Quartet Night members expected.

"My cooking..."

Pain flashed across his features.

"It's terrible... isn't it?"

Reiji's heart froze into ice as Ranmaru gasped and Ai and Camus stared in even more shock and disbelief. He was sure that Natsuki had always been clueless as to what everyone felt about his cooking, especially since everyone did not want to hurt his feelings by telling him what his cooking actually did to them and chose to make sure that he was not cooking alone. Wanting to figure out what had happened that hurt Natsuki, Reiji tried to speak.

"Nattsun-"

"Please be honest."

Natsuki smiled weakly at all four of them.

"Please... senpais."

The four Quartet Night members immediately looked at one another, neither of them prepared for that question. The fact that Natsuki was feeling this way meant that someone may have done or said something and hurt him deeply, and Natsuki did not deserve that. His cooking may not have the best results, but Reiji knew that Natsuki cooked with all of his heart for them and the thought that he was hurt to the point that he quit made his heart crack and he wanted to help him out, to find out what happened and what they could do to heal him. The truth was not exactly a pleasant one, but Reiji knew that it could be conveyed gently and wanted to do it that way, wanting to lessen the damage that had already been done to their dear friend. However, just as Reiji was collecting his thoughts in his mind, Ranmaru looked straight at Natsuki and spoke first.

"Your cooking made a number of us vomit and faint on spot because of how bad it was. And by 'fainting', I do not mean fainting out of happiness like what you thought back then."

"Ran-Ran!" Reiji exclaimed as Natsuki winced slightly.

"What?" Ranmaru stared back. "He wanted the truth and I ain't sugarcoatin' it and I know for a fact that he prefers it that way too." He turned to face Natsuki again. "I, for one, could hardly believe what I was tastin' when I first saw your cooking. I know you cooked to make us happy, but in reality, we suffered for months because of it, Natsuki. The taste just wasn't there, like, at all."

Natsuki nodded a little, his eyes lowered. "I... I understand."

Reiji could feel a pang of agony strike his heart at the pain in Natsuki's eyes and voice. "Ran-Ran, don't you think that was too-"

"It was atrocious, Shinomiya."

Camus closed his eyes and folded his arms.

"That is an undeniable fact. There were times that it was utterly torture to consume even the smallest mouthful of your dishes, and this is no exaggeration."

"Now, now..." Reiji could hardly believe what he was hearing. "Myu-chan, Ran-Ran, you didn't have to say it so-"

"No, it's okay, Rei-chan-senpai."

Natsuki smiled faintly at Reiji, squeezing his hand slightly.

"I'm glad they were being honest. Besides, I was the one who wanted to know what you guys really felt."

He lowered his eyes in pain and guilt, and Reiji could hear the anguish in the blond's soft voice.

"I'm sorry I caused so much pain with my cooking. But you guys don't have to worry anymore. I won't cook again. I won't cook again since now I understand how much it hurt you guys."

Natsuki pulled himself up from the ground and Reiji could see that his hands were quivering a little.

"Natsuki-" Ai started.

"Please give me a bit to calm down."

"Wait a minute, Nattsun-" Reiji called out, but Natsuki glanced at him with a sad smile as he walked into his bedroom and shut the door. He stared at the door with his eyes wide open in agony. "Nattsun..." Clenching his fists, Reiji slowly turned to Ranmaru and Camus, both who looked shocked, and stared at them in pure disbelief.

"How could you guys say all that to Nattsun?"

"It was the truth, Kotobuki," Camus stated.

"What he said," Ranmaru agreed, and Reiji shook his head in sheer disapproval.

"You guys didn't have to say it so harshly!" Reiji exclaimed, his heart clenching in pain. "We all knew that there was something going on with Nattsun. He did ask for us to be honest, but the way you guys said it hurt him so much, Ran-Ran, Myu-chan! You could tell from the look in his eyes and the pain in his voice. He... He looked so hurt. He thanked you guys, but he's wounded deeply in there. You know that."

"So are you suggesting that we should have sugarcoated the truth, Kotobuki?" Camus questioned, his arms crossed over his chest.

"No," Reiji answered, shaking his head. "I wanted you guys to consider how Nattsun felt. To think it through before speaking so harshly to him when you already knew that he was already hurt. If the roles were reversed, Nattsun would not have said it the way you guys did to him."

"Well, maybe if he quit just because we had problems with his cooking, maybe he should never have cooked in the first place."

His remaining patience cracking audibly like ice, Reiji snapped his eyes over to the silver-haired rocker, who shrugged.

"What... did you just say?" His voice was quiet but cold.

"Calm down, Reiji, Ranmaru," Ai spoke up, but Ranmaru stared back at Reiji like the latter was a dunce and retorted.

"You can't argue with me on this. If he quit that easily, doesn't it mean that he never really cared about cooking in the first place, Reiji? Then it means that we put him out of his misery, ri-"

"Are you even hearing yourself, Ran-Ran?" Reiji cut in, raising his voice sharply.

Ranmaru's eyes dilated, but Reiji took advantage of his shock and spoke.

"Do you really think that little of Nattsun?" Reiji's voice turned quiet. "Do you really think that he doesn't care? Do you know how painful it is to realize that the thing that you love to do hurts the people you care about when you do it? He didn't quit because he didn't care. He quit because he believed cooking hurt all of us. That much, I know."

Reiji stood up and started walking towards Natsuki's bedroom.

"Reiji-" Ranmaru began, but Reiji stopped him.

"Look. I wasn't asking for you guys to be dishonest or sugarcoat anything. I wasn't asking for you guys to not say anything either. That's beyond the point that I was trying to make. I just wanted you guys to have some empathy towards Nattsun. How he must be feeling. How hurt he was when you said the truth the way you did. There are different ways to say things while keeping the meaning the same. Ya know that, right?"

Reiji stopped in front of the closed door.

"And when it comes to the topic of how much someone cares about their passion..."

He gripped the doorknob and looked down.

"... I always thought you knew better than that, Ran-Ran."

Reiji knocked on the door and told Natsuki that he was coming in. His heart throbbing at Natsuki's pain and Camus and Ranmaru's grating words, Reiji heard Natsuki respond softly, let himself in, and shut the door tightly behind him.

Ranmaru Kurosaki

"As much as Kotobuki can be a fool on a daily basis..."

Camus set down his cup of milk tea and sighed.

"... do you suppose that we were immoderately harsh to Shinomiya?"

Ranmaru averted his eyes away, cursing under his breath. God, he felt awful now - actually, "awful" was too much of an understatement of what he felt right now. Ai had gone to Natsuki's bedroom to check on the latter and Reiji not long after Reiji had argued with Ranmaru, leaving Ranmaru and Camus alone in the living room, cups of milk tea gone cold and barely touched. Slumped back on the sofa, Ranmaru stared up at the ceiling of fluorescent lamps and heaved out a loud sigh.

_Man did I blow things way out of proportion._

Ranmaru's main argument had been that he was just being honest, just like Camus. Facts were facts. Natsuki's cooking really did make the whole lot of them fall sick, pass out and puke their guts out because of how unbearable the taste was, as well as how unappetizing it looked from the get-go. And besides, Natsuki was the one who wanted the truth, no matter how ugly it was, and Ranmaru and Camus were just being dead honest without any filters or whatever. But thinking again, Ranmaru would _not_ have appreciated it if someone had used that kind of wording to say something like that to him. To be real honest, Ranmaru would have punched the daylights out of whoever it was - like, they had to at least appreciate this thing called "effort"!

Which... Ranmaru realized with a smack across his mind... he had not shown at all while talking to Natsuki. And to make matters even worse, not to mention make Reiji, of all people, completely snap...

_"Well, maybe if he quit just because we had problems with his cooking, maybe he should never have cooked in the first place."_

... he took it way too far, and _that_ part, especially, was what made this whole thing escalate and go crashing down in flames when it was the last thing they needed.

_"You can't argue with me on this. If he quit that easily, doesn't it mean that he never really cared about cooking in the first place, Reiji?"_

Ranmaru had been so caught up in the heat of the moment that he had no restraint on what had come out of his mouth. And boy did the reality of his words slap him on the face the moment Reiji raised his voice, his tone cold with a foreign anger that even gave Ranmaru chills on his spine. And thinking back, as much as Ranmaru hated to admit it out loud... Reiji was right. How on earth could Ranmaru say all that about Natsuki? It wasn't merely about "problems" that Ranmaru's wording made out to sound trivial; it was about how the truth must have pierced Natsuki's heart when he found out what others felt about his cooking. It was about how Natsuki did not want to cook if it meant hurting them, which included them puking and passing out because of it.

It was about _sacrifice_. About how much of a painful sacrifice it was for Natsuki to stop cooking for their sake. And what made Ranmaru feel much, much worse was that...

... he himself had given up on what he loved to do before, and yet he had said all that junk about Natsuki.

_"And when it comes to the topic of how much someone cares about their passion... I always thought you knew better than that, Ran-Ran."_

Looking down at the bass that was propped against the foot of the sofa, Ranmaru gritted his teeth and cursed softly. That struck him on the inside more than anything, and Ranmaru knew that he definitely deserved that for what he spouted out without thinking. But enough dawdling. He had a mess to clean up. Placing his hand on the cold surface of the crimson bass, he looked up and turned to face the door that had yet to open again ever since Ai entered that room. Across from him, Camus stood up and turned to him, his ice-blue eyes suggesting that he understood what they were to do, and Ranmaru grunted in return.

 _Looks like we owe Natsuki and Reiji an apology; that's one thing. And the other thing... the thing that I won't, and I mean, won't_ ever _allow..._

He tightened his grip on his bass, emotions welling up inside the rocker.

_... is Natsuki making the same mistake that I almost made just a few months ago._

Natsuki Shinomiya

_"You were creating a beautiful writing intertwined with the memories of tonight and a song that you believe is beautiful. There's no wrong in that at all."_

Natsuki lowered his head and squeezed his eyes shut.

_"There can never be any wrong in writing with your heart. That kind, beautiful Nattsun heart that will glow brighter than anything in the world..."_

_You're really kind, Rei-chan-senpai. Your kindness warms me on the inside, even now, but those words..._

His heartbeat throbbed painfully in his chest as he clutched his chest slightly.

_That does not go for my cooking no matter how much I cook with my heart... does it?_

Sitting at the edge of his bed, Natsuki took in a deep breath and softly let it out, trying to soothe his aching head and heart. He was sincerely glad and grateful that Ranmaru and Camus told him the truth. It hurt, but it was honest, and that mattered so much more than the pain. But... to find out that his own friends vomited... lost consciousness... and fell sick... when he just wanted his cooking to be able to make them happy and thought that it had been that way... To realize that doing what you loved to do could cause that much pain, even though he had put all of his heart into it... Slowly opening his eyes, Natsuki could see the memories of seeing his cooking discarded in the garbage bag when he had thought that they had finished everything flare inside his head like a spark bursting into flames that wounded others, and he flinched, the memories now accompanied by the reality that Ranmaru and Camus had opened his eyes to.

_I'm sorry... that cooking with all I had... wasn't enough..._

He felt his hands tremble again and he gripped the fabric of his jeans.

_I'm sorry... that giving it all my heart... couldn't make you smile..._

Knock! Knock!

"Nattsun, I'm coming in."

"O-Okay... Rei-chan-senpai..." Natsuki responded after Reiji's voice pulled him out of his thoughts, although his own voice was barely above a painful whisper.

The door creaked open, revealing a worried Reiji. Reiji shut the door behind him and plopped down on the bed next to Natsuki, wrapping an arm around him gently. Placing a hand on top of Reiji's, Natsuki lowered his eyes, taking a deep breath and letting it out before opening his mouth to speak.

"I'm sorry... for leaving like that," Natsuki uttered quietly, guilt twinging his heart.

"It's okay, Nattsun," Reiji assured him, squeezing his shoulder tightly. "None of us blames you for that. At times, when you're really hurt, you just need to leave to clear your mind for a bit, right? We all need that at times and I know if it were any of us who left that room, you wouldn't be blaming us at all."

Natsuki tilted his head up to look at Reiji, who smiled faintly.

"But... we're really worried about you, Nattsun. All of us."

Reiji looked him in the eye, his grey eyes filled with pure concern.

"Ran-Ran and Myu-chan were really harsh when they weren't supposed to be, but they're worried too. You looked so hurt when the topic changed to us cooking back there. And none of us thought you'd ever quit cooking when you've always loved cooking up a storm for all of us with that beautiful Nattsun smile of yours. When it makes you so happy. When you've always cooked with all your heart, just like how you write and sing and dance."

He gave Natsuki a tight half-hug, rubbing him gently on the back.

"Please tell me what's wrong. I wanna help you."

"I... I don't-" he started, but his words faltered at the memory of his food laying inside the garbage bag, sending the cold truth piercing through his heart.

At that moment, the door creaked open again and they turned, only to find Ai letting himself in. "Natsuki. Reiji." Ai shut the door and looked at him with deep concern in his eyes.

His heart clenching in pain, Natsuki looked down, loosening his hold on the fabric of his jeans.

"I don't... want to cook if all it does is hurt others, especially those whom I love and care about," he admitted softly.

Ai's teal eyes turned sorrowful as Reiji's lips twisted into an agonized smile. "Natsuki..."

"I realized that... because of how terrible my cooking is... it's been a burden to you guys to eat what I cooked and when you ate, you guys ended up falling sick, vomiting and passing out, and... cooking is supposed to make the people you cook for smile. It's supposed to make meals filled with happiness... but... I couldn't make any of you guys happy, even though I gave each and every dish all my heart. When I thought that my cooking was fine... none of it... was ever enough to make a single smile."

Natsuki's fingers curled a little tighter around Reiji's hand as his heart squeezed painfully in his chest.

"I'm sorry... I didn't realize it sooner, Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan..."

"But Nattsun... that's not true. That's not true at all."

Reiji pulled Natsuki closer and wrapped his arms around him tightly, his voice gentle and laced with hurt.

"Your cooking was never a burden. Pouring all your heart into something could never be called a burden, just like how there can be never any wrong in doing what you love with all that you have. Besides, Nattsun, your cooking isn't terrible. It just needs some work, ya know? It's just that you get the ingredients mixed up and use the cooking techniques incorrectly at times."

"But it made you guys so hurt-"

"You had no clue, Natsuki," Ai interrupted softly, shaking his head, "and we know that you would never to anything to hurt any of us."

"Ai-Ai's right," Reiji agreed, tousling his blond hair as Ai rubbed Natsuki gently on the shoulder. "Not to mention, none of us ever told you directly or even tried to. But even though it wasn't painless, it doesn't mean that you can't cook again. We don't want ya leaving that passion of yours when you love it with all your heart and it makes you smile."

Ai nodded in agreement as Reiji pulled away and placed his hands on Natsuki's shoulders. Soon Reiji's eyes suddenly lit up, surprising Natsuki.

"Tell you what. How about I teach you how to cook better?"

Natsuki's eyes widened in astonishment. "You will, Rei-chan-senpai?"

"Of course, dear Nattsun!" Reiji exclaimed with a laugh, ruffling Natsuki's hair. "Good 'o Rei-chan-senpai is here to help you get your spirit back into cooking!" Natsuki let out a few chuckles and Reiji's smile brightened as Ai smiled. "That's what we wanna see! You lightening up and smiling like that! And I'm gonna make sure you smile loads and loads more times as I guide you through an exclusive Reiji Kotobuki cooking course!"

"I will aid you in your improvement as well, Natsuki."

Ai smiled faintly.

"I am not very experienced in regards to cooking - Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus have more expertise in that area. However, I am familiar with a number of basic techniques and I am more than willing to guide you."

"See?" Reiji beamed at Natsuki. "Our cute and lovely Ai-Ai is on board as well! You know we always got your back, right? And that includes now, and we're gonna make sure you're back to doing what you love to do and smiling as you do it!"

Reiji gave Natsuki's shoulder a tight squeeze and smiled kindly at him.

"No matter how long it takes, got it, Nattsun?"

With Reiji and Ai's kindness and words warming his heart and tugging its strings like delicate fingers on the strings of a viola, Natsuki nodded and smiled warmly at Reiji and Ai. "Thank you, Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan." Reiji flashed Natsuki a bright look and grabbed his hand, pulling him up and towards the door as Ai opened the door with a sincere smile. While the memories of how the truth about how others felt about his cooking still made his head throb with pain, Natsuki believed Reiji and Ai. If there was a chance, even the smallest chance, that doing what he loved to do would be able to not hurt others but instead, bring a true smile to their faces...

Natsuki smiled, filled with a little more hope than before.

... he would take that chance and hope to brighten the people around him while embracing that chance with all his heart.

The three of them left the room and headed straight towards the kitchen, only for them to halt in their footsteps almost immediately.

"Yo. Been waitin' for ya to show."

Camus was wiping the cooking utensils with a white dishtowel while Ranmaru was taking out ingredients such as eggs, milk and sugar out of the refrigerator. Ranmaru turned to Reiji, Ai and Natsuki, who stared at him and Camus in astonishment, and shrugged. "What's with the stares? Since today ended up being all about cookin' and all, the ice prick and I figured we all cook together and teach Natsuki. I'm guessin' y'all came up with that much."

Ranmaru looked straight at Natsuki and approached him, his heterochromatic eyes softening but serious.

"You'd better be able to stand the heat."

He stopped in front of Natsuki and smacked him lightly on the shoulder, and that silent encouragement lit up a spark inside Natsuki's heart.

"'Cause I'm gonna be sure that your soul's burning with cooking passion all over again."

His eyes widened for a moment, but then Natsuki nodded with a determined smile, grateful that all his friends were helping him learn how to cook better. And Ranmaru gave him a grin and patted him on the back as Reiji laughed, Ai smiled, and Camus started to present the choices on what dessert to begin with.

Ranmaru Kurosaki

"You're gettin' there real fast, Natsuki!"

Ranmaru slapped the back of Natsuki's head and grinned.

"Just remember that you can be unorthodox and creative, but don't forget what doesn't go with what, got it?"

"Yeap, Maru-chan-senpai!" Natsuki responded with a bright smile as he stirred the contents of his blue bowl slowly and carefully, just like Ranmaru, Reiji, Camus and Ai had taught him.

Ranmaru turned to Reiji, Ai and Camus, who sat at the meal table, and raised a thumbs-up sign. Natsuki was a really fast learner; way faster than Ranmaru had expected him to be. It wasn't at all the fact that he couldn't understand the concepts that was the issue. It was the fact that he had gotten the logic mixed up amidst his creativity. The four Quartet Night members had spent a lot more time correcting the errors in Natsuki's mixing and matching of ingredients, like what could be used for cake and what should never be included in baking cookies, rather than the proper cooking techniques, which Natsuki had actually mostly mastered. Now, after two hours of tutorials, with Reiji and Ranmaru in charge of most of the lessons, the four senpais had agreed that Natsuki had "graduated" from their cooking course and let him try cooking anything he wanted without their guidance.

_As unorthodox as he is, he's a real unique personality and has a mind of his own. Though it took awhile to explain why pepper shouldn't be put in a cake batter, I gotta admit that he's actually decent at this._

Ai and Camus nodded with small smiles while Reiji beamed in return, and Ranmaru turned back to watch Natsuki, whose expression was thoughtful, as though he was pondering what to add to the batter. Ranmaru could feel his lips part into a slight grin as he watched the blond kouhai's eyes light up, the fire in Natsuki's green eyes burning and genuine, exactly like Ranmaru was making dead sure it never stopped being.

_But man... do I feel even more like a scum now._

When it was Ai's turn to check on Natsuki's progress during his freestyle, Ranmaru had apologized to Reiji, which was definitely _not_ easy considering how he almost never said sorry for anything, and the older brunet had accepted the apology with a smile and an attempted hug which made Reiji fall flat on the floor with Ranmaru narrowly avoiding him. But Ranmaru knew that there was one other person that he owed an apology to. That both he and Camus should say sorry to. Ranmaru was well aware that it was Reiji's turn to check on Natsuki and that he could rest and play the bass or something. But considering how bad he was at apologizing, he would rather do it alone rather than in front of others. Natsuki was pouring the batter into the cake pan, meaning that he would soon be waiting for the cake to be baked in the oven so Ranmaru was going to wait 'til then, deciding that it was the perfect time to apologize for being a total scum when he told Natsuki the truth about his cooking.

So the moment Natsuki shut the oven door and finished setting up the timer, Ranmaru strode towards him and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Natsuki."

His body jolting a little, Natsuki turned around in surprise. "Yes, Maru-chan-senpai?"

"Uh..." Ranmaru scratched his spiky hair as Natsuki gave him a kind smile, his heartbeat starting to amplify in his chest. "Err... about what I said about your cooking back there... you know, when you wanted our honest opinions about your cooking, I wanted to say-"

"We would like to apologize for our unwarranted harshness towards you, Shinomiya."

"Oi!" Ranmaru shrieked in shock and spun around to stare at Camus, who was suddenly standing near him with his arms folded. "When did you freaking get here?"

Camus scoffed as Reiji and Ai entered the kitchen area as well. "Ever since you made an awkward attempt to express your apology. I can clearly see why you preferred doing it on your own." He smirked. "You are dreadful at it."

"Why you..."

"I can imagine. Matter-of-factly, Ranmaru keeps his innermost feelings within himself to the point that he struggles to say them aloud."

"Couldn't have said it better, Ai-Ai!"

"Ai! Reiji!"

Ranmaru scowled at Camus, Reiji and Ai, but remembered that he was not done and shifted his attention back to Natsuki, who was smiling slightly. "So yeah... I wanted to say that I was sorry. Not just for what I said to your face, but also after you left."

Confusion filled Natsuki's large green eyes and Ranmaru mentally cursed himself, knowing that what he was about to confess was gonna do some real damage to this poor kouhai.

"When disagreeing with Reiji, I... I said some pretty horrible stuff about you. Like how maybe you should never have cooked in the first place and you never really cared about cooking if you quit so easily." Hurt flashed across Natsuki's face as he nodded, and guilt pricked Ranmaru's heart. "But I was wrong. So, so wrong. You should have seen how Reiji put me in my place; he was real mad, ya know. And honestly, I deserved it. I was being real insensitive when you had always cooked with your heart and were in real pain. I was being unnecessarily harsh when you were already beaten down and there were other ways to say what needed to be said."

Ranmaru rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and looked away.

"So... I'm sorry, Natsuki. I really am."

"Aww, it's okay, Maru-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai."

Ranmaru shifted his eyes over to Natsuki and was stunned to see the sincere smile on the blond's face.

"I know you guys can be harsh at times, but I also know that you guys only want what's best for me. I meant it when I said that I was glad you were being honest about my cooking."

Natsuki lowered his eyes with a weak smile.

"Besides... I wasn't really upset at you guys. If anything, I was upset with myself and about how I found out in the first place... before you guys told me."

"Oh yeah... there was that."

Reiji placed a hand on Natsuki's shoulder, his grey eyes glimmering with concern.

"You already looked really hurt when I asked if you wanted to cook dinner with me and Ai-Ai," Reiji recalled as Ai and Camus nodded and the memory came to Ranmaru's head, "and when I told you to tell us what's wrong, you immediately asked if your cooking was terrible." Reiji squeezed Natsuki's shoulder. "What happened, Nattsun? What made you think that way?"

Natsuki winced slightly, as though the memory was piercing him on the inside, and Ranmaru could tell that he was definitely gonna want to shove a fist at someone after he heard what he was about to hear. With all the senpais' ears wide open, Natsuki let out a quiet exhale and spoke softly.

"I found out... one night..." Natsuki admitted painfully, "when I found my cooking laying in the garbage bag when I was taking out the trash..."

 _Now_ Ranmaru wanted to beat someone to a pulp. He could feel his blood boiling over like molten lava in a volcano bound to erupt very soon as Reiji's eyes widened in shock and disbelief, anger overshadowed Camus' cold blue eyes and Ai narrowed his eyes in sheer disapproval, his hands balling into fists. Yeah, they were not fans of Natsuki's previous cooking, but at the very least, they all had the freaking decency to not dump it in the trash like that cooking was nothing. Like the heart, soul and effort that Natsuki poured into his dishes were all garbage when they were far from it. Ranmaru cursed a few times as Reiji squeezed Natsuki on the shoulder assuringly and asked the question that they all sure wanted to know the answer to.

"Who did it?"

Reiji's voice had changed. Unlike his usual happy-go-lucky and friendly voice, the voice Ranmaru was hearing was tinged with cold anger towards whoever had hurt Natsuki. Ranmaru took it as permission to have his revenge on the scum they were facing. Natsuki lowered his eyes and the words slipped out of his mouth almost inaudibly.

"All of the other members of Starish... except for Ren-kun."

"Those freaking punks again?" Ranmaru shouted, his voice blazing with utmost fury, as Camus clenched his teeth and Reiji and Ai shook their heads.

"So that's what Satsuki meant when he said that you were isolated from doing what you loved most..." Reiji contemplated out loud, his grey eyes turning shades darker.

"Wait..." Natsuki stared at Reiji in pure puzzlement. "Sacchan said that?"

Reiji nodded. "Yeap. And all this time, I thought that he was only talking about writing lyrics..." He smiled apologetically at Natsuki and wrapped a consoling arm around him. "But now you know that we won't ever isolate you in anything, right? And that includes cooking."

"Yep," Natsuki nodded, smiling faintly, "I do."

Bur Ranmaru could tell that although Reiji was smiling now, he was truly mad at those five kouhais, just like Ranmaru, Ai and Camus were. God, those kouhais really had been piling more and more rubbish worthy of being thrown into the fire before their very eyes. Ranmaru would gladly get revenge for Natsuki by having the grand honour of punching each one of those five ungrateful sorry-excuses-of-band-members and from the look in the other three senpais, he could tell that they were probably on the same page, but less violent than he was tempted to be. But revenge could come later. Ranmaru faced Natsuki again, who was checking on the cake batter with Reiji and Camus.

Now was the time to be real open and honest, the right way.

"Those punks don't deserve your passionate hard work, Natsuki."

Ranmaru clasped his hand over Natsuki's shoulder and looked him in the eye.

"And you don't and never deserved their trash. Don't let other people's garbage and worthless actions stop you from doing what you love; they're not worthy of that. Don't you ever let them stop you from trying, even if their opinions mattered to you. The fact that they dumped what you poured everything into means that they are scum that you shouldn't bother spending a single drop of effort on. Don't give up your happiness, Natsuki. Life's all about being happy and you don't throw it away for the sake of scum. You grasp onto it and never let go, understand?"

He inhaled and exhaled for what he was about to say. What he never said out loud to anyone, let alone in front of the four people who knew him so well.

"I almost gave up on rock, you know," Ranmaru confessed to Natsuki, whose eyes widened in shock. "Just a few months back. Not because people hated my style of rock or anything. But because I thought that I had to sacrifice rock for the sake of bringing Quartet Night to greater heights. Now that I think back to my mindset then, I think that I was being a total dimwit thinking that way."

"An absolute moron, you mean," Camus remarked and Ranmaru shot him a deep scowl.

"You're lucky I'm in more of a mood to punch the pipsqueak and the rest of those punks."

"And you are fortunate that I am in no mood to shove this sceptre to your throat," Camus calmly countered, tapping his sceptre to the floor.

"Try if-"

"And you were saying, Ranmaru?" Ai inquired with a blank expression, intervening before the firing of threats could continue.

"Oh yeah." Ranmaru faced Natsuki again. "The point is, don't believe the trash thrown at you saying that you gotta give up your passion and what makes you happy, even if it's coming from the ridiculous part of you. That solo song of mine, 'Only One', didn't come from just any random situation. It came from the time I realized that the thought of giving up rock for improving the band was garbage when I knew how much I loved it and that there was no way it was what held me back when it had elevated me and my band in its own way. Same goes for your case. I know for a fact that you give all you've got when you cook and I also know that you'll make something rockin' out of it."

As Ranmaru spoke, he could feel his own heart flaring with the emotions of the past and present all at once like a burst of flames, and with a half-grin directed at Natsuki, he let it burn.

"After all, you can never go wrong when you do something with all your heart."

Natsuki's eyes smiled sincerely at him as he nodded and Reiji gave him a half-hug. "You're right, Maru-chan-senpai. I will not stop cooking or singing or doing what I love to do. I won't give up even when it hurts because believing in what you told and showed me, senpais..."

Ai, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus smiled as Natsuki's eyes brightened.

"... I know that someday... it'll be able to make us all smile."

Natsuki looked down at the oven and smiled.

"The cake will be done in awhile." He looked up at the senpais and smiled shyly. "Is it okay if you give me some time alone? I wanted the result to be a surprise for you guys."

"Yeap!" Reiji beamed at Natsuki and grabbed Camus and Ranmaru's arms as Ai smiled and started to walk away. "We'll give you all the time you need, our dear, sweet Nattsun! Let's go, guys!"

"Hands off, Kotobuki."

"You want a punch in the face, Reiji?"

"H-Hey!"

But Ranmaru heeded Natsuki's request and after snatching his arm away from Reiji, walked out of the kitchen area while flashing a grin at Natsuki over his shoulder. He didn't know what exactly to call it, but something in his gut told Ranmaru that while he would be tasting Natsuki's cooking again moments from now...

... there was no way he was gonna pass out or puke his guts out.

Reiji Kotobuki

"Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, Maru-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai!"

Natsuki's voice was bubbling with pure enthusiasm and excitement as Ranmaru looked up from his magazine and Ai and Camus stopped reading their novels.

"The cake is ready!"

"It is?" Reiji jumped up from the sofa, smiling brightly as the other three Quartet Night members got up from their seats. "Be right there, Nattsun!"

Reiji grabbed Ai's arm and ran towards the kitchen area as Ranmaru and Camus followed them. A sweet, strong scent filled the air as they got closer and inhaling it, Reiji sighed happily, his heart leaping with excitement at what his best friend had made for them. The moment the four of them entered the kitchen area through the doorway, Reiji's eyes widened in awe.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed as Ranmaru's jaw dropped and Ai and Camus' eyes widened.

Standing on top of the kitchen counter was a cake fresh out of the oven, its sweet, aromatic scent spreading across the cool air. It was pale brown with white and beige cream adorning the very top of it and its sides. Numerous strawberries sat on the cream glazing the top of the cake and formed a large heart shape and five cups of hot tea were placed on the counter right in front of the cake. Reiji could feel his stomach start to growl as he stared straight at Natsuki, who smiled nervously.

This... was a complete 180 degree turn from what Natsuki used to cook.

"It's a tea-flavoured cake."

Natsuki's green eyes were shy, just like his voice.

"I infused Earl Grey tea into the batter and English Breakfast tea into the cream, thinking that trying something new without forgetting what you guys taught me would be okay."

He took a small white plate and held it out to them with a light smile.

"I hope you like it, senpais."

Smiling back, Reiji took the plate first and cut himself a slice of the tea-flavoured cake as Natsuki gave plates to Ai, Ranmaru and Camus. After handing the knife over to Ranmaru, Reiji took a small piece of the slice and bit onto it. Immediately, a mild flavour of the fusion of tea and sweetness fell onto his tongue and his eyes widened as Natsuki cut a slice of cake for Ai. His insides trembling with happiness, Reiji took another forkful of the slice of cake and dipped it into his mouth, the unique flavour almost overwhelming him. Out of the corner of his eye, Reiji could see Camus and Ranmaru's eyes dilate and Ai's lips curve into a small smile as they ate their slices of cake, and all four of them turned to Natsuki, who had been quietly watching them in nervous anticipation.

"Um..." Natsuki hesitated, "how is it, senpais, Ai-chan?"

Reiji opened his mouth to speak, but Camus spoke first, his ice-blue eyes directly meeting Natsuki's.

"If you do not mind, Shinomiya..."

Camus smiled.

"I would like another slice after I am done with my first one."

Natsuki's eyes widened as a bright smile spread across his face. "You liked it, Myu-chan-senpai?"

"We all do," Ranmaru answered with a grin as Camus continued eating his cake with a satisfied expression while Reiji and Ai smiled and nodded. "Really, really much. You nailed that fusion and its flavour, Natsuki. I'm not really a fan of sweets, but that cake packs a whole punch of flavour and I wouldn't mind gettin' another slice."

He tousled Natsuki's hair with a grin.

"Nice one, Natsuki!"

"Yeap, Nattsun!" Reiji chimed in, hugging Natsuki with a happy smile. "We all love your cake! You said that someday you'd make us all smile with your cooking. That someday is today and definitely tomorrow and the day after that and so on, 'cause your heart's there, alright! It's sweet and wonderful, just like you!"

"I agree."

Ai cut a slice of cake for Natsuki and gave him a sincere smile.

"Let us enjoy the cake and tea you made together, alright?"

Natsuki's green eyes sparkled with true happiness as Ranmaru slapped him on the back and the five of them moved their plates, cups and the cake to the dining table, their joy lightening up the air that was previously filled with sadness, anger and conflict. Reiji was extremely was glad that the five of them were bonding even more now and enjoying themselves over dessert and tea, and he was definitely happy that Ranmaru was opening up more and that Natsuki was back to cooking with all his love and passion. As Reiji suggested that they play Go Fish like they had previously agreed to and Ai began to distribute the cards, Ranmaru poured more tea for Natsuki, who beamed brightly in return. Natsuki held out his giraffe plushie, saying that the giraffe wanted to thank Ranmaru too, causing the latter's face to redden and Reiji to laugh.

After numerous rounds of Go Fish, which Ai and Ranmaru mostly won, the latter brought up a nearly-forgotten topic.

"So guys, I've been thinkin' this through."

Ranmaru smirked as he set his cards face-down on the glass table.

"How about we get some payback?"

Natsuki's eyes widened in pure confusion as realization dawned upon Reiji and Camus stroked his chin thoughtfully.

"Are you referring to Starish's actions, with the exception of Natsuki and Ren, towards Natsuki?" Ai inquired.

"Ya got that right," Ranmaru confirmed, his smirk darkening. He laughed when he saw Natsuki's worried expression. "But don't worry about making them end up in the hospital; I've got another idea in mind, and not even the pacifists in this room - you know who you are - will refuse."

Camus smiled smugly. "You got my interest. Spill it."

With a sly smirk, Ranmaru started to tell them about the plan. Reiji and Ranmaru laughed when they saw Natsuki's paled expression and the four of them assured him that the Starish members would survive and that he did not have to be scared or worried. While it was definitely not a painless plan, to put it mildly, Ranmaru's idea was actually gonna be fun to carry out. After Ranmaru was done, the five of them looked at one another. Camus and Ranmaru smirked; Ai nodded; and Reiji grinned. Natsuki's eyes were widened in shock, and all of them waited for a response, agreeing that they were not doing this if Natsuki was not on board with it; they would rather drop the whole idea than force Natsuki to suffer through the guilt of carrying it out. But after a few moments, Natsuki nodded with a smile, saying that he trusted all of the senpais, and with a happy laugh, Reiji threw his arms around his dear, precious best friend while Ai squeezed Natsuki's shoulder and Camus and Ranmaru looked satisfied.

They were all in this together, alright!

Camus

"If, under any circumstances, Jinguji goes back on his word, whether for the mere sake of teasing or provocation..."

Camus' narrowed his eyes as he stared straight at the entrance door.

"... immediately go into your bedroom and call Kotobuki, Mikaze or Kurosaki while I deal with that fool."

Natsuki nodded in agreement as the two of them sat in the living room area, with Camus reading a novel and Natsuki looking through his notebook. While Reiji, Ranmaru and Ai were at Shining's mansion in order to execute the retribution that all five of them had agreed upon without any form of reluctance, which was a pleasant surprise to Camus as Natsuki was indeed the pacifist in most circumstances, Camus and Natsuki remained in Reiji's apartment, awaiting the arrival of the one person among those swines whom all of them had agreed to grant immunity: Ren, whom Camus had requested to pick him up under the guise of needing him as a chauffeur and strictly told him to come alone - the last thing they needed was any one of the insolent swines to make an unwanted appearance and cause the plan to go in disarray. Camus could not help but smirk in amusement at the memory of how much Ranmaru grumbled about sparing his annoying, flirtatious kouhai from the suffering that would come in a matter of time.

 _Of all of them_ , Ranmaru had complained, _did it really have to be_ him _? You really sure he's excluded from that lot, Natsuki?_

 _Come on, Ran-Ran!_ Reiji had laughed. _We all know you're_ _proud of Ren-Ren for being the only kouhai who didn't hurt Nattsun!_

 _When have I ever said I was proud of that sly little Casanova?_ Ranmaru had fired back. _When he tried winking and givin' me a freaking rose? When he said a pick-up line right at my face?_

 _We all know that you are, deep inside your heart!_ Reiji had responded with a grin.

 _Shut up, Reiji!_ Ranmaru had yelled. _Natsuki, Camus, Ai, quit laughing and smiling like that!_

Camus and Ai had searched up a number of pernicious recipes to be utilized in this act of deserved vengeance, and all five of them had discussed which ones to use. They let Natsuki choose which main meal to use while Reiji and Ranmaru chose the appetizer and Ai and Camus selected the dessert. Natsuki had decided to choose based on appearance rather than reading the descriptions of the effects, and all of them had laughed when they found out that unbeknownst to him, Natsuki had chosen the second most excruciating choice out of five options, translating it to the fact that the insolent swines were all fated to meet their suffering. All five of them had made a meal that Reiji would use to bribe Shining Saotome to let him, Ai and Ranmaru take over Starish's dinner, so they were completely set for what they were executing.

_With Mikaze's eye for detail in presentation and Kotobuki and Kurosaki's knowledge of cooking..._

Camus' smirk turned sly.

_... those insolent fools will have no clue what they are facing until it is too late._

As Camus turned the page of his novel, the sound of knocking entered his ears. Glancing at Natsuki, who nodded with a look of understanding, Camus strode towards the door and opened it.

"Jinguji."

"Hey, Baron." Ren casually waved with a smile. He looked past Camus' shoulder and his eyes lightened up. "Ah, Shinomi! Baron didn't tell me you were here too. Is Bukky here too?"

"Come inside, Jinguji," Baron simply told Ren, stepping away from the doorway.

Ren let out a chuckle. "Are you trying to humour me, Baron? You said that you needed me to take you someplace-"

"Yes, but my words and the truth are two different things in this particular scenario," Camus responded, his lips curling into a sly smirk. "What I needed was for you to come here and stay, actually. So please, do come in."

Although puzzled, Ren shrugged with a nonchalant smile. "I don't know what's going on, but I can't refuse such a rare invitation. So don't mind if I do."

Ren entered the apartment and Camus shut the door behind themselves. Natsuki walked towards Ren and threw his arms around him with a happy smile. "Ren-kun!" As Ren laughed and hugged Natsuki back, Camus took his ice-blue cellphone out of his pocket and texted Ai, saying that the immune guest was in the apartment. Almost immediately, Ai replied with his own message:

_"Good. Meanwhile, Reiji and Ranmaru appear to be creating quite the perfect disaster. I will send you and Natsuki a picture of it once the final product has been created."_

Camus smirked and texted back, saying:

_"I look forward to it, Mikaze."_

"So what's the special occasion, Baron?"

Natsuki and Ren pulled away from the hug and the latter smiled faintly.

"I appreciate the invitation, but why did you invite me to come over to Bukky and Shinomi's place?"

"That exclusive invitation is not solely from me, Jinguji," Camus stated, folding his arms. "The truth is that Shinomiya, Mikaze, Kurosaki, Kotobuki and I have all made an agreement to spare you from the man-made catastrophe that the other three are in the midst of creating while you are here with us."

"Catastrophe?" Ren repeated, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

Camus nodded briefly. "Correct. With knowledge from Shinomiya that you were the only one among the insolent swines who did not partake in disposing of his cooking, we agreed to grant you immunity from the chaos that are about to come. And upon Shinomiya and Kotobuki's suggestion, we also agreed to have you here for dinner with us."

Ren's eyes widened in surprise, but he soon let out a chuckle. "Well. In that case, thanks, Baron, for deciding to spare me from what you guys are all up to. I guess I'll find out more when I get back after a wonderful dinner with all of you."

He turned to Natsuki and smiled sincerely.

"Thank you too, Shinomi."

Natsuki smiled warmly. "You're welcome, Ren-kun. And also... thank you, Ren-kun, for always eating my cooking despite how terrible it was." Sorrow flashed inside his green eyes. "I'm sorry that you suffered because of it."

However, Ren laughed. "What are you talking about, Shinomi?" He slung an arm around Natsuki and smiled. "I never suffered because of your cooking; I could feel the love you poured into each dish you made whenever mealtime came. I love your cooking! Say, are you cooking dinner tonight?"

Natsuki nodded. "All of us are cooking together."

Ren grinned. "Great! Can't wait to eat more of your cooking, Shinomi!"

Camus nearly coughed and choked on his tea as he listened to the entire exchange between the two kouhais. All this time, Camus had noticed that Ren appeared to have no qualms and could even smile while consuming Natsuki's cooking, but he had thought that it was merely because Ren was a good actor when it came to his taste buds. However, it appeared that Ren was a massive anomaly when it came to tasting Natsuki's cooking; Camus could not see any pretence in this conversation. He could already envision the looks of shock, disbelief and horror on the other Quartet Night members' faces, especially Ranmaru's, as he stomached his own feelings and maintained a calm expression while conversing with Ren and Natsuki.

Masato Hijirikawa

"Ugh... how long is this going to last...?"

"I don't know, Aijima-san," Tokiya responded, his normally-calm expression contorted into a wince as he clutched his gut. "The odd thing is that the dishes all looked and tasted fine, so why-" He gritted his teeth. "Why did we end up like this?"

Masato shook his head with a wince as Cecil laid on his back with a painful groan and Otoya rushed to the bathroom for the third time. Masato had no clue as to what was going on. To be completely honest, Tokiya was correct. Dinner went smoothly; it was actually splendid. All five of them had been surprised when a three-course-meal was already waiting for them at the dining hall. Otoya and Cecil's eyes had lit up like children during Christmas morning while Tokiya, Masato and Syo had stared in shock at the grand meal presented before their eyes, wondering what the occasion was.

Little did they know the detrimental aftermath that would ensue upon consumption of that meal when all of them were sitting in the lounge.

"What on freaking earth is- Ugh!"

Syo cursed loudly and repetitively with an agonized, frustrated expression.

"This is even worse than Natsuki's cooking!"

Grimacing, Masato stared up at the ceiling, pondering over when the pain would finally pass and who on their living earth had cooked that meal. There was no special occasion; that much, they all knew. Masato deeply suspected that someone had intentionally cooked up that unsuspecting meal for all of them knowing that it would backfire at the end, and Masato was certain that they all would very much like to know who would do such a thing to them, especially since it had never happened before after countless meals here. Shining could come up with ideas that made all of them question his sanity, but Masato was sure that he would not go to such a painful extreme to "surprise" them. Camus lived here at the mansion as well, but he had been out the entire day and they had never really seen him cook. But while there were chefs and cooks here at the mansion, none of them would do such an act towards them. But who else would be able to cook up five identical three-course-meals with that amount of technique and-

_Five._

A cold realization slammed upon Masato like a tidal wave and his eyes dilated.

_They knew that there would only be the five of us._

"What... is it, Hijirikawa-san?" Tokiya asked amidst flinches, facing him.

"The one... who did this to us..." Masato started, clutching his gut tightly, coughing softly. "They knew... that there would only be the five of us... without Jinguji."

"But Ren wouldn't do this to us!" Syo exclaimed before letting out another loud curse.

"No, he would not," Tokiya agreed, "but I believe that Hijirikawa-san means that someone deliberately planned it so that there would only be the five of us. And I am certain that it was whoever invited Ren out earlier."

"But there would have to be at least two people in on this, right?" Syo questioned. "Since Ren hasn't come back until now or called us or anything."

Grimacing, Masato tried to come up with anyone who could possibly have some kind of grudge or vendetta against them. There was their rival group, Heavens, but Ren would not go out to see any of them. Not to mention, it had to be someone who had access into the mansion at any time of the day, and not everyone had that. There was all of Starish, of course, and there was also-

Masato froze.

Could it really be-

"I can only think of one possibility."

Tokiya's voice was heavy with sheer disapproval as Syo scowled.

"I believe that all of Quartet Night have something to do with this. Let us ask Ren about this to verify when he comes back."

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Here's a rose for you, Shinomi. And for you, Aimi, and Bukky, and Baron, and Ran-"

"Are you trying to bribe me to reveal my hand with roses, you flirt?"

"I just happened to have excess ros-"

"How do you even freaking keep poppin' them out of your pocket?" Ranmaru exclaimed as Ai facepalmed and Reiji spluttered with laughter. "And who do you think we are? Some fangirls whose hearts you are trying to win over?"

Ren laughed as Camus shook his head with an unamused expression. After cooking and having a happy dinner together, the six of them had been playing card games when Ren suddenly gave all of them red roses. Looking down at the red rose that Ren had given him, Natsuki smiled and tilted the stem a little bit, admiring the pure, deep red colour of the beautiful, delicate flower as Ren answered an incredulous Ranmaru.

"A ladies' man needs to have roses ready to express their appreciation towards a lady's beauty at all time," Ren explained with a smile, twirling the rose that he had tried to give Ranmaru.

"So are you suggesting that we are of the opposite gender?" Camus demanded, his ice-blue eyes narrowed, and Ren laughed even more.

"No, Baron! I simply noted that I had excess roses for the day and decided to present them to you guys as a way of appreciating your inner beauty."

Ranmaru made strangled noises as Camus frowned even more and Ai facepalmed. Ren gestured at Natsuki and smiled.

"See? Shinomi understands me." Ren draped an arm around Natsuki with a grin. "Now that you understand the art of giving roses, how about I teach you the ways of flirti-"

"No, no, no!" Reiji exclaimed and pulled Natsuki into a tight bear hug, causing the latter's eyes to widen. "Don't corrupt our sweet, innocent Nattsun! I don't wanna wake up one day and find him saying pick-up lines and calling random girls all over the place!"

"I won't, Rei-chan-senpai," Natsuki assured Reiji, hugging him back as Ren grinned. Camus, however, shook his head and sighed.

"Kotobuki, you have no room to say that when you are the one who tainted Mikaze with your indecent mind."

"Hey, I-"

"Seriously, I think Natsuki really doesn't get what terrible influences these two dunces are," Ranmaru remarked as he grabbed the rose from Natsuki's hand and flung it at Ren. "Honestly, it's a freaking miracle that he's _still_ innocent considering that he lived in the dorms with Ren, was in one bedroom with these two for the opening round, _and_ is now freaking _flatmates_ with Reiji! Not to mention, _sane_ , for that matter. 'Cause if it were me, I'd call quits decades ago."

"You're such a meanie, Ran-Ran!"

"But Ran-chan" Ren smirked at his mentor, "you lived in one dorm with me and Hijirikawa."

"And did you keep track of how many times I wanted to strangle you and how Masato barely stopped me?"

"You know you love me, Ran-chan."

"Shinomiya needs more positive influences in his life," Camus remarked. "By that, I do not mean you with your uncontrollable swearing and temperament, Kurosaki. Perhaps Mikaze is the brightest option."

"I am positive!" Reiji protested as Ranmaru glared at Camus. "And how are _you_ positive when you hit others with your stick and zap ice all over the place?"

Ranmaru snorted as Camus scowled at Reiji.

"It's not a stick, Kotobuki. It's a sceptre!"

"Same thing. Just that the fancy one is more useless than the other."

"Kurosaki, if you do not shut that mouth of yours-"

"Oh, Icchi is calling again," Ren spoke before the bickering could continue, picking up his orange cellphone. He laughed. "I think he must be really convinced that you senpais have something to do with their dinner and that I'm with you now. Want me to pick it up?"

"Put it on speaker," Ranmaru told Ren, smirking darkly as Reiji wrapped an arm around Natsuki, who gave Ai a bear hug. "I wanna know just what those punks have gotta say."

Ai and Camus nodded and with a mischievous grin, Ren did what he was told. "Hello, dear Icchi?"

"Ren, where are you?"

"Why, I am at Bukky's place," Ren responded. "What's up, Icchi?"

"We're still trying to fi- ugh... figure things out," Tokiya groaned amidst speaking and Camus and Ranmaru smirked, "... but... I think that the senpais have done something to our dinner. Why did you head out?"

Ai smiled and Reiji covered his mouth to muffle his laughter as Natsuki gave Ren a worried expression, not wanting the orange-haired male to get into trouble. However, Ren gave him an assuring smile and spoke casually to Tokiya.

"Because Baron called saying that he needed me to take him someplace."

"It's definitely those senpais!" Syo exclaimed over the phone and Natsuki quietly guessed that Ren was being put on speaker too. "But why on earth are they doing this to us? They wanna look for freaking trouble, is it?"

"Can I punch him in the face for a freaking bonus?" Ranmaru muttered crossly and Ren simply laughed at Syo's words.

"You'll have to ask them yourself, Shorty."

"I'm not freaking short-"

"Oh, looks like Ran-chan is swearing at Baron," Ren lied, glancing at Camus and Ranmaru with a sly smirk. Natsuki smiled awkwardly as Reiji stifled a laugh and hugged him even tighter.

"I don't care what those two are-"

"I gotta go before they wake the neighbours up. Catch ya later, Shorty."

"Hey! Ren-"

Ren hung up with an amused smile. "They still don't get it." He turned to the rest of them and let out a laugh. "Not to mention, they have no idea that Shinomi joined in this time." He patted Natsuki on the back. "But don't worry; I got your back, Shinomi. I'll be sure to exclude revealing that you were in too when they bombard me later."

"Thank you, Ren-kun," Natsuki thanked Ren with a grateful smile, "but it's okay. It's okay even if you tell them that I was a part of it too. It's the truth and it was my choice to join Rei-chan-senpai and the others."

He looked at the four senpais and smiled warmly.

"I joined them because I trust them. They didn't want to do this if I couldn't, and I didn't want to hold back. Like Rei-chan-senpai said before we carried out the plan, we're in it together - all of us. Besides... I know that none of us did anything wrong and-"

"Whoa."

Natsuki blinked in confusion as Ranmaru stared at him in utter shock. "What is it, Maru-chan-sen-"

"You actually said it."

"Eto... what did I say?"

"Reiji, Ai, Camus. You guys heard that, right?"

"Yeap!" Reiji exclaimed, beaming brightly as Ai and Camus nodded with smiles on their faces. "Loud and clear, Ran-Ran!"

He faced Natsuki and took ahold of his shoulders with a joyful laugh and his grey eyes shimmering brightly.

"You just said that none of us did anything wrong, Nattsun! It means that you don't feel guilty towards them and that you know that you did no wrong at all! It's a big sign that you've grown and changed so much, alright!"

Natsuki's eyes dilated in realization as Reiji beamed and squeezed him tightly.

"You're makin' all our insides swell with pride, our dear, precious Nattsun! We're all so, so happy for you!"

"One of the things that I have always wanted for you, as your friend, is for you to acknowledge your own innocence with the understanding that there is no need to apologize when you did not make any mistakes."

Ai squeezed Natsuki's hand and smiles gently.

"Your words display significant progress and it is sincerely a pleasant surprise, Natsuki."

"Now you truly comprehend that you owe those peasants nothing, not even a single shred of sympathy."

Camus's eyes were satisfied as he crossed his arms.

"Congratulations, Shinomiya."

"You finally went and said what we've been waitin' to hear, alright!"

Ranmaru held out a curled fist and gave him a lopsided grin.

"Come here, Natsuki!"

Giving Ranmaru a brofist, Natsuki was slapped on the back of the head by the silver-haired rocker and laughed. Natsuki then looked around at Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus and his face brightened into a warm, sincere smile and he laughed as Reiji started to tickle him.

"Rei-chan-senpai!"

A grinning Reiji yelled out for the others to help him and Ranmaru and Camus smirked and asked if they could join in. Natsuki could hardly protest amidst laughing as Ranmaru held his arms, Reiji continued tickling him, and Camus took out a white feather with an evil smile, while Ai and Ren watched in amusement. After moments of tickles, laughter and yells, Natsuki squished Ranmaru into a big hug, to which the latter yelled out in protest especially when Reiji joined in and Ren and Camus started laughing.

"You look comfortable, Ran-chan."

"Shut up, Ren! And you two, let go of me already!"

"Nope! It's not everyday that we get to hug you, Ran-Ran!"

"It's not that I even allowed you to- Ai, why are you smiling like that?"

"This is quite amusing to watch, to be honest."

"Ai!"

After the chaos subsided, the six of them played a few more rounds of card games such as Go Fish and Old Maid. Sitting between Reiji and Ai, Natsuki laughed when Ren tried to give a rose to Ranmaru again, only for the silver-haired senpai to threaten to punch Ren in the face. Earlier, they had been joking about positive influences in Natsuki's life, but in their own special ways, all of them truthfully were. They had taught him countless lessons with earnestness and emotions and if it wasn't for them, he would not be who he was today. As Ai gave him a mysterious smile and Natsuki tried to remember who had Aces and Jacks, the latter recalled how Reiji and Ai had taken his hand into theirs and squeezed it tightly no matter what, how Ranmaru had smacked him on the shoulder lightly with a grin, how Camus had smiled and told him that he owed the people who had hurt him nothing, and how Ren was here with them despite risking himself when it came to Tokiya and the others.

_And today..._

"Myu-chan-senpai, do you have a Jack?"

"... I do."

"Ha! Looks like Natsuki's grabbin' your stash!"

"Speaking of cards, Shinomiya, if it helps, Kurosaki has-"

"Oi! Don't ya dare say anythin', ice prick!"

_... you guys taught me about passion... and to not give it up, to not believe that pouring our hearts into what we do isn't worth anything. Because it is something, and even if it hurts, we can always try again, like how a star may fall down a sky but at the end, its light made the night brighter than it would have been because of it._

Swinging his bass from one side to another, Ranmaru gave Natsuki a wide grin when it was Ai's turn, and Natsuki smiled back.

_And because of you guys, I'll always remember to do everything that I can... to make sure that that fire never dies away._

_"You will notice your only one if you don't give up_

_The possibility isn't always zero_

_I can see your eyes counting_

_I will protect that smile"_

\- "Only One", by Ranmaru Kurosaki (Tatsuhisa Suzuki)


	27. Hysteria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Violence

Natsuki Shinomiya

For the rest of the week that Shining had given all of Starish and Quartet Night as a "holiday", Natsuki spent time with Reiji and Ai. Ranmaru and Camus joined them at times while Ren would give them calls to chat and joke around, but it was the three of them for majority of the time. The three of them went out together, going to the river, sightseeing in new places or those that any of the three recommended to the others, and during cold evenings at the apartment, would watch anime, talk about songs and other topics, and drink hot cocoa, tea or milk tea. The topic of their solo songs came up on the Friday of the week, while the three of them were sitting in the living room chatting over hot cocoa.

"Aww, you're not going to tell us what your solo song's about?" Reiji complained, pouting at Natsuki. He shook Natsuki on the shoulder. "Please at least give us a hint, Nattsun! Big bro Rei-chan wants to know!"

Natsuki laughed. "I want it to be a surprise for you guys, Rei-chan-senpai. That's why I can't tell you guys yet. But I promise that you and Ai-chan will be the first ones to hear it."

"Really, Nattsun?" Reiji's eyes started to sparkle as a wide smile spread across his face and Ai's eyes widened in surprise.

"Yeap!" Natsuki nodded with a bright smile as he pulled both Reiji and Ai into a tight hug.

Ai and Reiji had yet to decide on what their solo songs would be about, but the latter expressed his thoughts about wanting to make a slower song rather than an energetic song this time. Natsuki was more than halfway done with his song. After being stuck in the line "I need your love" for a long time, he had found the answers that he had needed all this time and had been piecing the lyrics and melody together with his sincere thoughts and emotions with the people closest to him in his mind and heart. As Reiji changed songs on his cellphone and Ai typed something on his laptop, Natsuki quietly read the lyrics that he had come up with and smiled a little.

_"Like the moon gleaming in the night sky, my beating chest"..._

_"I want to walk there together_

_"So I'll have the power to protect"_

_"I sing for you..."_

His solo song, for the first time after quite awhile, was going to be a ballad. Natsuki remembered how he had expressed his wish to make a song that could move hearts to Reiji and Ai back when they were spending time together at the park. It was because of them that the song could come to life and that his memories, words and emotions could intertwine with one another to become that song. The two people who loved and cared about him deeply, his closest friends who had embraced him and held his hand no matter what... He wanted to surprise them when the song was complete and he could sing it to them in person - that was why he could not tell them what it was about yet.

It was about them too, about how much they meant to him, and he hoped that he could express his emotions with all his heart in this song.

Although they did not receive any texts or calls from their boss throughout the week, during Sunday evening, when the three of them were listening to music and trying to work on their solo songs, Shining texted them, as well as all the other Starish and Quartet Night members. Glancing at one another, Ai, Natsuki and Reiji took their cellphones and opened their personal chats with Shining, only to find that they had gotten the same announcement.

Round 2 of the Starish X Quartet Night project was starting tomorrow morning. And they were to meet Shining at 7 a.m. sharp in...

"Please tell me that the old man's not tellin' us to move back here again."

Ranmaru facepalmed, cursing under his breath.

"We freaking just moved out days ago! Is he freaking serious?"

Ai told Ranmaru to calm down as Camus scoffed and Reiji and Natsuki smiled awkwardly. Shining had told all of the Shining Stars to gather at the mansion's courtyard with their trolley bags of personal belongings. Hugging his yellow Piyo-chan plushie against his chest, Natsuki looked around the courtyard, wondering why Shining wanted them to gather here instead of his office. The sweet birdies were chirping happily as the warm yellow and white sunlight fell upon the viridescent grass and majestic white and grey pillars, the lilac, white and blue flowers of the nearby bushes shining vividly like watercolor. A blue hummingbird hovered around Natsuki, asking why they were here early in the morning. Smiling at the cute birdie, Natsuki answered that Shining wanted them to gather here for the second round of their project. Chirping in understanding, the bird nudged its head against Natsuki's neck a few times before wishing them good luck and flapping its wings away. Waving at the bird with a bright smile, Natsuki turned, only to find Reiji and Ai smiling and Camus and Ranmaru staring at him.

"The little birdie said good luck to-"

"I don't think I will ever understand how you can even get what it's sayin'."

"I doubt that you even have the patience to understand its language, Ranmaru."

"Ai..."

Ranmaru facepalmed as Ai gave him a blank stare.

"You really can't help but be brutally honest, can-"

"There they are!"

Natsuki's eyes dilated at the loud, angry voice. He, Ai and the others all spun around, only to find Syo storming towards them with the other Starish members closely behind him, the shortest Starish member's face blazing with rage. Stopping right in front of Reiji, Syo scowled and jabbed a finger directly at the eldest Quartet Night member's face, only for Reiji to stare back with an unfazed expression.

"Is there something wrong, Syo?" Reiji asked calmly.

"Don't act like some clueless dimwit here!" Syo yelled as Ranmaru and Camus' expressions darkened and Ai narrowed his eyes. "You guys sabotaged our dinner the other day when we didn't even do anything to you lot! Just what kind of senpais do you think you are?"

"That's what you think," Ranmaru fired back, glaring at Syo, who glared back.

"Excuse me?"

"Please stop fighting, guys-" Natsuki tried to intervene, only to be interrupted by Tokiya's stoic voice.

"Quartet Night's act is one thing, but we were appalled to discover that you were involved in the sabotage as well, Shinomiya-san." Tokiya crossed his arms and gave Natsuki a disapproving look. "What can I say, Shinomiya-san? I never thought that you would do such a thing to us when you are considered one of the kindest among all eleven of us."

Tokiya's cold words cracked Natsuki's heart, but the latter shook his head and faced his band member.

"None of us did anything wrong, Tokiya-"

"Say what now?" Syo yelled, lunging forward towards Natsuki. "You think you didn't-"

But he was stopped when Reiji placed an arm in front of Natsuki, the brunet's grey eyes grave and warning, his black fedora overshadowing his face a little. Syo gaped as Ai, Ranmaru and Camus stepped forward as well, with Ren smirking amusedly as Masato and the others gasped in shock at the scene. Ai's face was emotionless as Reiji adjusted his fedora and spoke in a low, warning tone.

"As a matter of fact, Nattsun's right. Not a single one of us five did anything wrong. But I cannot say the same for the rest of you besides Ren-Ren."

Reiji's eyes snapped over to Tokiya, Masato, Otoya and Cecil.

"Mind recalling what you did to Nattsun's cooking before?"

As Tokiya furrowed his eyebrows and Cecil flinched, their dispute was suddenly interrupted by the howling of powerful gales of wind, with red, orange and brown leaves blowing past them uncontrollably. Ranmaru let out a yell and pointed upwards and everyone followed the direction of his finger, only to find Shining Saotome in a red hot air balloon in the bright azure sky heading straight towards them. Natsuki could only stare in shock as the hot air balloon slowly descended down the cold autumn air, with Shining's large grin turning more and more visible as moments flew by. And within a few minutes, the air balloon had landed at the centre of the courtyard and Shining pulled himself out, grinning at the stares that he was receiving as he held up a black megaphone to his mouth, letting his voice boom across the area.

"Shining Stars! It's terrific to see you all fresh and lively here early in the morning!"

"I swear he has some kind of selective ignorance," Ranmaru muttered as Camus sighed and Masato, Tokiya and Ai facepalmed. Reiji kept an arm wrapped around Natsuki protectively as he gave the latter a reassuring smile and Shining spoke even louder.

"So! As you all know, we are heading into Round 2 of the Starish X Quartet Night project! But before that, let's talk about your performances during Round 1, in which you all had to live together again and create four different songs with themes being assigned to you. Well, as your boss, I'd like to congratulate all 11 of you on a job well done, my Shining Stars! The media's all over the songs and so many would like to interview you! And the fans are all buzzing with your new songs and can't wait to hear more! Let's give ourselves a round of applause!"

However, while Shining clapped with loud cheers, only Natsuki, Reiji and a few others clapped, albeit awkwardly. Everyone else, including Ranmaru and Syo, merely stared or glared at one another. Inside his heart, Natsuki hid a sad smile and squeezed Reiji's shoulder gently.

"Woo hoo! Well done, everyone!" Shining guffawed. "But it's just the beginning, boys! Round 2's gonna be a lot longer and even more massive since it's... the start of the main units!"

As Natsuki's eyes widened in shock and gasps filled the air, rockets shot up into the clear sky and the crackling of fireworks reverberated across the no-longer silent morning, with red, orange, yellow, green, lilac, blue, purple and pink colours splashing on the pale landscape, forming the words "ROUND TWO" in big, bold, and sparkling letters.

"And now... before I give you the details on what you boys will do in your main units..."

Shining pointed straight at all of them.

"I'll give you one minute to divide yourselves into 2 groups. How many people in each does not matter; just split yourselves into two and those groups are your main units, starting... now!"

"Nattsun, Ai-Ai!" Reiji called out, grabbing both Natsuki and Ai by the arm and pulling them towards him. "This is our chance! We're gonna be one unit together, just like we agreed on!"

Natsuki and Ai nodded with sincere smiles as Reiji beamed and yelled out.

"Ran-Ran! Myu-chan! You're with us, right?"

"Right here, Reiji!" Ranmaru responded as he and Camus walked towards Reiji, Ai and Natsuki. He folded his arms and grinned. "So I'm guessin' we're not lettin' any unnecessary punks in our unit, right? Now this is a crowd that I wanna work with!"

"Yay!" Reiji cheered as he slung his arms around both Natsuki and Ai. "Let's go tell Shiny-san to make it official!"

"Yeap!" Natsuki agreed, smiling brightly. "Sensei, we-"

"Just wait a freaking minute!"

Syo's indignant voice cut Natsuki off mid-sentence. Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru all turned to face Syo, who was standing with his other Starish members with an index finger pointed straight at Natsuki.

"You're supposed to be with us! If it's two groups, it's gotta be Starish and Quartet Night, so get over here!"

"Shining-san did not mention a word about such a condition," Ai disagreed, his voice placid, "so Natsuki has the right to choose which unit he wants to be in, precisely like the rest of us do."

"Ai-chan's right," Natsuki said, nodding slightly as Reiji patted him on the back. He faced Syo and smiled faintly. "Syo-chan, guys, I want to be with Ai-chan, Rei-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai and Maru-chan-senpai. So I'm sorry but I won't be with you guys for the main units."

"Are you freaking seri-"

"Don't force him, Shorty." Ren chuckled and ruffled Syo's hair, only for the latter to shoot him a dirty look. "Aimi has a point. Shining-sensei wanted us to choose with our own free will and by 'us', he means Shinomi too."

"But Ren," Otoya cried out as Cecil lowered his eyes, "how are we all supposed to be in one group without Natsuki? It's literally Starish missing one member!" He spun around to face Natsuki, his red eyes filled with hurt. "Ne, Natsuki! Why do you want to be with the senpais instead of us? Starish isn't complete without you and aren't the seven of us best friends?"

Otoya stared right into Natsuki's eyes with a pleading expression.

"Are you saying that you'd choose Rei-chan and the senpais over us?" Otoya exclaimed. "Tell us, Natsuki!"

"Answer the question, Shinomiya-san."

"Nattsun does not owe you guys any explanation," Reiji cut in calmly, wrapping his arm around Natsuki's shoulders protectively as the latter's heart wrenched with pain at the way his band members were unaccepting of his decision and implicitly interpreting it as abandonment when that wasn't at all what Natsuki was doing. "Shiny-san gave no restrictions, so I do not see any valid reason for you to force the 'Starish' requirement onto Nattsun. No one is forcing anything upon you guys, so please do not force Nattsun to do anything that he does not want to do."

"But Rei-chan-" Otoya started.

"Ho ho ho! Looks like the two main units of the project have been decided!"

Shining's voice reverberated across the tense atmosphere as a wide grin spread across his face, his eyes lit up with pure excitement.

"Wonderful, wonderful! From what I'm seeing, this project is going to turn out to be a real blast! The fans won't know what's coming, that's for sure!"

"The fans are going to question these groupings," Tokiya spoke up, his blue eyes narrowed in sheer disapproval as Masato shook his head. "Like Otoya said, the units are practically Starish and Quartet Night with the exception of Shinomiya-san being with our senpais. Speaking matter-of-factly, a considerable number of fans already despise Shinomiya-san and will do anything that they can to bring him down."

"Allowing Shinomiya to be in a unit with the senpais will make him an easy target for those who already resent him," Masato agreed, supporting Tokiya's words as Natsuki lowered his eyes in pain. "They will accuse him of abandonment, lacking loyalty, and being incompatible with the rest of Starish, and it will cause so much harm to not only him, but the entire project altogether."

Masato's voice was even as he spoke.

"So we highly suggest that Shinomiya be moved to be in a main unit with us rather than with Quartet Night."

"So stop being a dunce and get over here, Natsuki!" Syo yelled out, lunging forward and snatching ahold of Natsuki's arm. Natsuki's eyes dilated as Syo tried to pull him away from the senpais. "You're just gonna drag all of us down with those fans stabbing your back, so stop being a dimwit and just say that you'll-"

"Back off."

Ranmaru suddenly shoved Syo back and Reiji pulled Natsuki towards him and Ai. With Reiji squeezing Natsuki's shoulder tightly, Ai placed an arm in front of Natsuki, both males protecting him. Natsuki's heart wavered in his chest with loud, unstable beats as Syo gritted his teeth and shot Ranmaru a hostile glare.

"What the freaking-"

"First of all," Ai started, ignoring Syo as he spoke in a calm and blunt voice, "insulting and demanding with that disrespectful tone will not get you anywhere in this argument. Secondly, Natsuki is adamant about being with me, Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru and so are we towards being with him, so our wants are mutual and you may not coerce us to say otherwise. Thirdly..."

He narrowed his eyes sharply.

"... do you truly believe that the fans' animosity will be enough to hold us back from making our project a success, let alone cause us to waver from our decision to be with someone whom we treasure as a friend and ally?"

"Mikaze-" Masato started.

"You fools must truly view us as shallow individuals to believe that we would give Shinomiya up to your unit," Camus remarked with a cold scoff, folding his arms as Ranmaru stepped back to stand between him and Reiji. "The five of us will create a masterpiece of perfection that will outshine any insolent thoughts regarding us, including Shinomiya."

"No matter how many people end up hating us for our decision, we're not changing it," Reiji finished, giving Natsuki a warm smile. Natsuki smiled back, his heartbeat slowing down a little, and Reiji faced the other Starish members again. "Their hatred is nothing compared to the friendship and feelings that we share with one another, and we all know for a fact that Nattsun never deserved their hatred in the first place. With the five of us together as one, we will create something so powerful that it will glow over the fans' doubts, confusion and mixed feelings regarding this matter. So as much as you guys have brought up some valid points..."

Reiji's gaze was as serious as it was determined.

"... your statement regarding Nattsun dragging everyone down is as empty as it is a lie."

"Wonderful! Just wonderful!"

Shining cried out, beaming brightly at Reiji, Ai, Natsuki, Camus and Ranmaru.

"That's the passion and togetherness that I wanted to see! The utmost declaration that any amount of negativity towards any particular one of you does not matter and that you'd stick together no matter what! That's exactly what it means to be one! So I hereby declare that while Mr Ittoki, Mr Hijirikawa, Mr Ichinose, Mr Jinguji, Mr Kurusu, and Mr Aijima are one unit..."

He pointed straight at all five of them and Natsuki's heart jumped inside his chest.

"... you five are in the other main unit!"

"Yay!" Reiji cheered, throwing his arms around Natsuki as Ranmaru grinned and Ai and Camus nodded. "Thank you so, so much, Shiny-san!" Hugging Reiji back, Natsuki felt a warm smile curve on his face as he thanked Shining, who grinned back with a thumbs-up sign. Out of the corner of his eye, Natsuki saw Otoya lower his head in disappointment as Tokiya rubbed his temple and his heart throbbed slightly.

_You guys... won't accept it even when I say it out loud... do you...?_

A hand squeezed his shoulder gently and Natsuki turned to Reiji and Ai, who smiled reassuringly at him, as though sensing his pain. Nodding slightly, Natsuki wrapped an arm around Ai and smiled faintly.

_But thanks to Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, Maru-chan-senpai and Myu-chan-senpai... I am slowly breaking free of being afraid... of saying what I really want and feel._

"Shining-san!"

Ranmaru yelled out amidst the overlapping of voices, grabbing everyone's attention.

"Why did you get us to pack our stuff again? Do we have to live in your mansion again?"

"That depends, Mr Kurosaki!" Shining answered as everyone fell silent. "Now that your units are official, I will tell you now that I would like for all of you to live with your unit members! The main units are permanent, so as long as the project goes, all the members of one main unit have to live together, even after Round 2 ends! As long as you all have a place to live together besides my mansion, you do not have to move back here! Just tell me where you guys will reside and I'll give you my approval!"

"So to put it simply... for the next three months or so..."

Ranmaru slowly turned to look at Ai, Natsuki, Camus and Reiji with an incredulous, horrified expression on his face.

"... I have to live with _this lot_?"

"I am uncertain as to whether I should pity you or be offended," Ai remarked as Camus snorted and Natsuki smiled brightly. From afar, Ren was grinning at their group. "Although I am certain that Natsuki and Reiji have no issue with the five of us living together."

"Oh God..." Ranmaru facepalmed. He looked up and stared at Reiji. "The look on your face tells me that you've got something goin' on in your head and I don't know if I wanna know at this point."

"Don't be like that, Ran-Ran!" Reiji exclaimed with a laugh. "The five of us living together is gonna be loads of fun!"

"No," Ai, Ranmaru and Camus all countered in unison, their expressions serious and unamused.

Reiji and Natsuki laughed at their three close friends' answers. Draping an arm around Natsuki, Reiji looked at all four of them and grinned widely.

"And guess what, fellas? I know the perfect place that we can all live in!"

...

"Myu-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, Maru-chan-senpai, would you like a plushie to accompany you at least on your first night here?"

"No, Shinomiya," Camus declined, lightly pushing back the giraffe plushie that Natsuki was holding out to him, shaking his head. "I will be more than fine as long as none of you peasants disrupt my sleep. As for company, Alexander is more than enough."

"You sure, Myu-chan?" Reiji asked, tilting his black fedora as he placed the spare pillows and blankets on the red sofa. He gave Camus a cheeky smile. "'Cause if you ever get scared or lonely, I can always arrange for Ran-Ran to share a bed with you-"

"Say it again and I'll kick you on the shin, Reiji," Ranmaru threatened as he and Camus glared at Reiji and Ai facepalmed. "I'd rather sleep on the roof when it's raining rather than share a blanket with that ice prick! I still have nightmares from last April Fools' Day thanks to that prank you pulled off!"

"Just a kind suggestion, Ran-Ran!"

"Shut up!"

Natsuki laughed as Ranmaru flung a cushion at Reiji's face, only for the eldest senpai to narrowly dodge it with a laugh. For the Starish X Quartet Night project, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus were moving into Reiji and Natsuki's residence upon the former's excited suggestion, with all five of them in one main unit. After discussing their living arrangements, they had agreed that Ai and Ranmaru would sleep on the sofas in the living room; Camus would stay inside Natsuki's bedroom; and Natsuki would move into Reiji's bedroom where he and Reiji would become roommates. So Natsuki had been moving his belongings out with Reiji's help while Camus, Ai and Ranmaru had been unpacking. Camus' white dog, Alexander, let out a few happy barks and pounced onto Natsuki, who laughed and stroked the adorable dog's smooth fur. None of them had expected Shining to tell them to live together, but Natsuki's heart was glowing with pure happiness at the thought of Ai, Camus and Ranmaru, as well as Alexander, staying over with him and Reiji.

When Camus ordered Alexander to get off of Natsuki and the pet dog obeyed, Natsuki felt someone take ahold of his arm and pull him up. Wrapping his arms around him from behind, Reiji faced Natsuki and beamed brightly as Ranmaru fell back onto the red sofa with an exhausted sigh and Camus and Ai took a seat on the grey sofa. That was when the sound of vibration rang inside their ears. Glancing at one another, the five of them took out their cellphones and found a message from Shining to the Shining Stars groupchat.

"Looks like Shining's giving us a bunch of instructions," Ranmaru commented as Natsuki read the chat:

_"Shining Stars! As you have all moved in with your beloved unit members, I shall give you even more details about what you all are supposed to do!_

_1\. Divide yourselves into two sub-units - the number of members in each does not need to be equal._

_2\. Decide on what you want to do as a main unit - remember, since it's the main part of the project, it's gotta be big, big,_ **BIG** _. Just make sure it's feasible, which I'm sure you all can do._

_3\. The first part of the main unit project, specifically for Round 2, you boys need to incorporate your sub-units._

_4\. With help from Mr Tamaki and other photographers and directors, you need to come up with at least one video that hints at what your project is about by the end of this week - with approval of your ideas from me, of course!_

_5\. All the best, boys! I expect great, mind-blowing things from all of you!"_

"We have to make a move as soon as we can," Camus remarked, shutting his cellphone off.

Natsuki nodded in agreement. "We'll have to come up with ideas on what to do for the whole project, contact Tamaki-kun and the others, and make a video before the week ends. That's a lot to do and we need enough time to make sure that everything goes well."

"But before that, we need to divide ourselves into two sub-units," Ai spoke, looking around. "How should we determine who is in which sub-unit? Shall I activate a random number generator or use a roulette?"

"Either will-"

"No need for that, Ai, Reiji."

Ranmaru cut in, folding his arms.

"Natsuki, Ai, Reiji, you three go ahead and be in one unit." Ranmaru grinned as Natsuki's eyes widened in surprise. "What? It's plain obvious that you three have been up and eager to be in a unit together ever since this whole thing started. Don't worry; no hard feelings here. I'll just do what I can to tolerate this sugar addict here."

Camus nodded. "And I will give my utmost effort to not freeze this fool Kurosaki into ice."

"Uhh... I think you guys are somewhat insulting each other..." Reiji scratched the back of his head nervously, glancing back and forth at Ranmaru and Camus. But soon his face broke into a radiant smile. "But thank you guys so, so much for understanding! Lemme give ya a big, big hug-"

Alexander growled at Reiji and the brunet quickly leapt away and hid behind Natsuki's back.

"Why is he scaring me?" Reiji exclaimed.

"Thank you, Maru-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai!" Natsuki thanked the two senpais with a bright smile as he patted an incredulous Reiji on the back with a laugh. "We're all going to have loads of fun working together!"

When Natsuki had calmed down, he looked around at all four of his close friends and spoke in a softer voice.

"And thank you, guys... for not letting what the fans thought of me make you not want to work with me."

"Aww, you don't have to thank us for that!"

Reiji slung an arm around Natsuki and beamed at him, his grey eyes radiating with warmth.

"We all love ya, Nattsun! No way are we letting the haters stop us from wanting to be with you!"

"Your band members were using the fans' possible reactions as a mere excuse to get what they wanted."

Ai gave Natsuki a small smile.

"We will prove their statements false by cooperating and performing to our utmost extent, alright?"

As Camus nodded briefly, Ranmaru held out a brofist with a determined grin. His lips brightening into a genuine smile, Natsuki held out his own as Reiji, Ai and Camus did the same. Exchanging looks of pure determination, the five of them bumped fists together, silently declaring their own start of the main units of the Starish X Quartet Night project.

Cecil Aijima

"I can't believe Shining let them do what they want!"

"I do not like it either, Kurusu-san," Tokiya commented, shaking his head as he sat across from Cecil, Otoya and Ren with a hand on his left temple, "but there is nothing that we can do to change his mind. Not to mention, we cannot afford to waste any time with the amount of things that we have to do before the week ends."

Syo slammed a fist against a pink cushion.

"Those dunces..."

"So the first thing that we need to do is decide our two sub-units," Masato spoke up, stroking his chin as his eyes remained on his phone screen. "Although Shining-sensei said that the number of people in the two units does not have to be equal, in my opinion, we should ideally divide ourselves into two groups of three for the sake of balance and workload."

Tokiya nodded briefly. "I agree with you, Hijirikawa-san."

As they began discussing who should be with whom, thoughts began to run across Cecil's mind like a kaleidoscope of butterflies. The moment they read the instruction for the main units to divide themselves into two sub-units each, all of them immediately knew that in the other main unit, Ranmaru and Camus would be in one sub-unit while Reiji, Ai and Natsuki would be in the other. Although Cecil had not said anything when a number of the others complained and expressed their disapproval towards that very fact, he internally wished that they would let Natsuki be. If Natsuki was happy with the senpais, shouldn't they all be happy for him as his friends even if they wanted him to be with them instead? As Cecil quietly listened to the discussion, he felt an arm drape itself over his shoulders and pull him closer. His eyes widening in surprise, Cecil turned around to find Ren smiling at him.

"Don't be tense, Cesshi."

Ren's voice was a near-whisper as he chuckled.

"Just chill and be yourself. From where the discussion's going, looks like you and Ikki are going to be with me while Shorty, Icchi and Hijirikawa will be together." He gave Cecil a sincere smile. "It'll be fine, trust me."

Cecil felt his heart ease a little as he returned the smile and Ren laughed and patted him on the back. It was strange, to be honest. Even though he was scared to death of accidentally slipping his tongue about what he really felt about the group's actions towards Natsuki, Cecil somehow felt much calmer when it was around Ren. Could it be that... Ren did not approve of what Starish was doing to Natsuki either? Could it be that Ren, just like Cecil, only wanted to go back to being close friends with Natsuki again even if the latter remained close to Reiji and Ai? But Cecil was too afraid to find out; if it turned out that he was wrong, he could end up being confronted by everyone else, especially Syo and Tokiya, and he would not know what to do if he was put in a spot like that. Trying to calm himself down again, Cecil turned to his right to face Otoya, who had mostly nodded and remained silent throughout the entire talk.

"Otoya?"

Tokiya called the redhead before Cecil could. Blinking in shock, Otoya looked up from his lap and faced his roommate, who furrowed his eyebrows in concern.

"Are you listening? You look like you're spacing out."

"Yep, Tokiya!" Otoya laughed and scratched the back of his head, but something about his voice made Cecil worried. "Sorry about that! I was just lost in a couple of thoughts or so! I'm all fresh now!"

"Good," Tokiya said, nodding briefly, but Cecil could not help but keep his eyes on the red-haired guitarist. Ever since the last day of the opening round, Otoya had been acting strangely. He had been less talkative and did not joke around or laugh as often as usual and spent more time in his room rather than hanging out with them. Scooting closer to Otoya, Cecil nudged him on the shoulder and asked in a whisper if he was really okay. But Otoya merely smiled widely and assured Cecil that he was fine, although they both knew that he was lying.

_You weren't like this before... Before that fight Syo and I had._

Cecil glanced at Syo, who was yelling at a smirking Ren, his heart throbbing at the memory of how mad he and Cecil had been at each other and how Cecil had stormed away afterwards.

_... what did Syo say to you after that, Otoya?_

Natsuki Shinomiya

"So... any ideas, guys?"

"The first video could always be a teaser for a complete music video," Ai answered Reiji, his fingers motionless on the keyboard of his silver laptop. "If we use that idea, we should be able to create a video by the end of the week. However..."

Ai looked around at all his unit members.

"... it seems rather unsatisfactory to me the more I process the idea."

Everyone glanced at one another, with Camus heaving a quiet sigh. After they had finished unpacking and moving their belongings, Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru had sat down at the glass table of the living room and decided to try to come up with ideas that could be used for both the second round and the entire length of the project. However, they were not starting well. To Natsuki, Ai's idea could work, but like the teal-haired boy said, it did not really feel like the idea that they wanted to move forward with, although Natsuki did think that they could make use of teasers at some point. As Reiji wrote something down on his paper and Camus sipped his tea, Natsuki lowered his eyes to the blank pages of his yellow notebook, pondering over what they could do for this project, hoping that they all could come up with more ideas soon.

"I mean, you're not wrong, Ai," Ranmaru remarked, tapping his pen against his paper. "But it's gotta be a long-term project, so if we wanna make a music video, it's gotta connect to whatever we do after that, right? And we still haven't figured that out either."

He groaned.

"Why on earth did the old man only give us a week?"

"Connect... Music..."

Natsuki whispered the words to himself, an idea starting to unveil itself like a golden star amidst pitch blackness. As moments slowly flew by, his mind and heart pieced the ideas together like a fragments of a butterfly's wings with the emotions that could be conveyed within it all. When the plan came to light, Natsuki's eyes widened and he quickly took his pencil and began writing down the possible ideas and details on the empty page, the hope amidst the possibilities radiating in the maze of his mind and heart.

After a few fleeting moments, Natsuki stopped writing and stared down at the page of words, mulling the ideas over.

"Could this..." Natsuki whispered under his breath, "... work...?"

"Looks like your head's spinning with ideas, Nattsun."

"Wahh!" Natsuki yelped as Reiji clasped his hands onto Natsuki's shoulders. Natsuki's eyes widened as Ai smiled in amusement and Reiji let out a few hearty laughs and beamed at the blond.

"Don't be shy, Nattsun!" Reiji assured him, squeezing Natsuki's shoulders with a welcoming smile. "We all wanna know what you came up with, so feel free to tell us! We're all ears for ya, love!"

Ai nodded and then all the senpais looked straight at Natsuki, whose heart pounded in his chest with nervousness. Natsuki could tell that Reiji was right, that they all wanted to know what he came up with, but he was unsure if they would like his ideas and did not want to disappoint his close friends. But taking a deep breath, Natsuki knew in his heart that he was doing his best and that Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru knew it too and appreciated it no matter what. So Natsuki let out a quiet exhale and glanced down at his notebook before speaking.

"Eto..." Natsuki hesitated, his voice was filled with uncertainty. "Maru-chan-senpai's words gave me an idea. I thought that maybe we could connect songs and imagery into a long story in videos and performances. We do not have to come up with the entire plot now, but as we make music together and work on this project, we can connect more ideas and emotions together."

"So are you saying that we can innovate and adjust the plotline in accordance to our ideas throughout the timeline of this project?" Ai asked as Reiji started to smile and Ranmaru and Camus appeared to be interested.

"Yeap." Natsuki nodded with a faint smile. Inside his heart, he was relieved that they all seemed to be warming up to the idea. "We could combine a lot of concepts, emotions and songs together in one story ad that it could be really fun for us to do and the fans to watch and figure out what's going on. And I also thought that we could also use this as a chance to try new things like show the fans different sides of ourselves that we normally do not and be creative with symbolism and a myriad of possibilities."

"Heh," Ranmaru smirked mischievously with his arms crossed behind his head, "looks like we're gonna make the fans' minds go crazy with this project. I'm likin' where this is going."

"This sounds like something we can pour all our hearts and souls into and blow the fans' expectations out of the water!" Reiji beamed and threw his arms around Natsuki. Natsuki laughed as he hugged Reiji back and Ai smiled sincerely. "You're incredible, Nattsun! With the five of us in this together, this project is going to be a huge blast!"

"As informal as Kotobuki sounds, I agree." Camus nodded in agreement with a satisfied expression. "This is simultaneously riveting and feasible for the long-term period, so this idea will suffice. Although I am surprised that the idea came to your head upon listening to Kurosaki's words."

"Are you suggesting that I'm some kind of moron, sugar addict?" Ranmaru questioned, glaring at Camus.

Camus scoffed in return. "No, I am saying that your foolish spouting somehow ended up useful in this situation."

"That's the same thing, you sweet-toothed aristocrat!"

"Uh..." Reiji glanced at the bickering duo, smiling nervously, "calm down, Myu-chan, Ran-Ran... We can't have too many arguments when it's just our first day living together... right...?"

"Emotions... Sentimentality..."

Ai's teal eyes were lowered to the keyboard of his silver laptop. His face held a contemplating expression and appeared faraway, like he was hardly present here with Natsuki, Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru. It wasn't like Ai to daydream or space out. Ai had always been very sharp and attentive to his surroundings, especially with how much he liked to observe others. With worry streaming into his heart like a current, Natsuki reached across the glass table and gently tapped his best friend on the shoulder and whispered, "Ai-chan." Ai blinked, his eyes widening a little, and slowly faced Natsuki, a lost fog in his expression.

"Are you okay, Ai-chan?"

"That depends, Natsuki," Ai answered softly as Reiji wrapped an arm around Natsuki and looked at their teal-haired best friend with a concerned expression and Camus and Ranmaru stopped arguing. "Considering that we will attempt to show different sides of ourselves in this project, one of the main possibilities that comes to mind is sentimentality, which involves deep emotions such as sadness, nostalgia and painful warmth."

"That's true," Reiji agreed as Natsuki nodded in understanding. "Nattsun, Ran-Ran, Myu-chan and I have yet to show much sentimentality in our solo songs, with most of 'em being dance numbers or solos that light up a fire in the crowd. But you're the one who shows the most sentimentality out of all of us in performances with songs like 'Winter Blossom' and 'A.I.'."

"Moreover, make the crowds cry an ocean of tears because of 'em," Ranmaru added matter-of-factly as Camus grunted in agreement.

"I do not disagree," Ai responded, nodding at his friends. "But even then, I did not truly grasp the concept of having actual emotions like the ones that I previously mentioned. As an artificial life, I simply did what I was told to do and did my best to 'convey' what I had to 'convey'. Throughout these past weeks, I have been becoming more and more convinced that the emotions that I have experienced even without an actual human heart is real, but..."

Ai placed his hand on the left side of his chest and lowered his head, his teal eyes tinged with sadness.

"... somehow the mere thought of expressing all of it worries me, and I do not wish to affect our performance because of it."

"Ai-chan..." Natsuki gave Ai a sad smile and reached out to place a hand on the teal-haired boy's shoulder. "It's okay to be worried every once in awhile. If you aren't okay with the idea, we'll look for another concept to use."

"No, it's not the concept, Natsuki," Ai responded, shaking his head. "I do not want the concept to be changed; I believe that it is a remarkable concept that we should all use. My problem... is me. Why am I doubtful of my own performance when it is the last thing that I normally am worried about? Why am I this worried about expressing sentimentality when I have done so decently singing songs like 'Winter Blossom' and acting in dramas? It is very bizarre and it's..."

Ai placed a hand on Natsuki's, looking down at the glass table.

"... it's overwhelming... to the point that it somehow scares me."

"Ai..."

Ranmaru placed a hand on top of Ai's head, his heterochromatic eyes narrowed in concern.

"It's not-"

Tap! Tap!

Natsuki's eyes widened in confusion as Ai looked up from the glass table in mild surprise. Glancing at one another, the five of them looked around and Natsuki found a yellow hummingbird, green canary and a blue jay behind a nearby window, tapping their beaks against the glass. Within less than a moment, Natsuki recognized the three of them as birdies from a forest near the river place that he, Reiji and Ai often went to, remembering how he had played the viola for them and other forest animals the last time he went to that forest. When the small birdies' eyes met Natsuki's, they chirped and pecked at the glass even harder, and realization dawned upon him. Natsuki immediately got up onto his feet, walked briskly towards the window and opened it, letting the birds in.

"Hey there, little birdies."

Natsuki smiled faintly as he held out his right hand and the birds perched themselves there with a few chirps of greeting.

"You surprised me and my friends with your sudden visit. Is something the matter, little ones?"

The birds all started to chirp at the same time and Natsuki's eyes widened at the frenzy of their words. "Please slow down, guys. I can't understand you guys all at once." The little birdies stopped chirping and glanced at one another in silence as Natsuki turned to Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus. Ai, Ranmaru and Camus gave Natsuki confused looks while Reiji got up, his grey eyes filled with concern. Natsuki himself could feel uneasiness and concern interlacing with the thumping of his unsteady heart. The birds sounded extremely anxious, as well as scared, and it wasn't like them at all. As Reiji walked towards Natsuki, the chirping of the canary caught Natsuki's attention and he turned to the birdies again, wanting to know if they were alright.

The green canary looked straight at Natsuki and chirped with a voice filled with trepidation and fear and within moments, Natsuki's eyes widened in shock and horror.

"W... What?" Natsuki breathed out, his heart trembling in his chest.

"What's going on, Natsuki?" Ranmaru asked as Reiji wrapped an arm around Natsuki. Camus was frowning deeply while Ai's teal eyes were sheened with pure concern. The three birds chirped anxiously and Natsuki looked around at his close friends, his heartbeat loud and faltering in his ears.

"Some of my animal friends have been attacked and injured in the forest."

Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru stared at Natsuki in shock as a few gasps resounded in the living room. Natsuki shook his head, more and more worry gushing into his heart like a waterfall the more he thought of what was happening right now.

"There is a little boy there too, and he's bleeding," Natsuki continued, shaking his head in agony. "He was attacked by the same group of boys that injured the animals when he tried to stop them." Clenching his fists, Natsuki gave his senpais an apologetic smile and spoke. "I'm sorry, guys. I know that we have to work on the project, but I have to help my animal friends and the boy and do what I can to protect them."

He started to walk briskly towards his and Reiji's shared bedroom and the birds flew after him.

"So I'm going to get my viola and the first-aid kit and head to the forest. Hopefully no more pain is caused by the time I come. I'll be back as soon as I-"

"You're not going alone, Nattsun."

A hand clasped itself onto Natsuki's shoulder and squeezed it tightly. His eyes widening, Natsuki stopped walking and turned to Reiji, whose lips formed a reassuring smile.

"The time's quite constricting for this project, but that can wait," Reiji continued. "No way are we lettin' ya do this on your own when we've all got your back. Neither are we gonna leave ya behind on the project. There's no need to rush or apologize for any of this, Nattsun. The youngster and your animal friends need your help and we know that you have a beautiful, kind heart that would reach out to help others no matter what."

Reiji's grey eyes crinkled softly and he tightened his hold on Natsuki's shoulder as Ai, Camus and Ranmaru approached them.

"So I'm drivin' us there and we're all in on this together, alright?"

Ai smiled gently and placed a hand on Natsuki's shoulder as Ranmaru folded his arms with a grin and Camus nodded. His heart relaxing a little amidst the warmth of his friends' kindness, Natsuki nodded with a grateful smile and entered the bedroom to get his viola and first-aid kit as the birds chirruped happily at the fact that all five of them were going.

Ren Jinguji

_Ahh... we get a bigger room and even our own beds._

Ren laid on his bed with his arms crossed behind his head and chuckled to himself.

_Hijirikawa may not act like it, but he'll miss me. I know he will._

Upon Tokiya's suggestion, the members of each sub-unit were to share a room with one another at least until Round 2 ended, so Ren would be sharing a room with Otoya and Cecil in the room that Unit 1 occupied last round. As Otoya told him and Cecil that he would go get more belongings from his and Tokiya's shared dorm and left, Ren laughed as he vividly recalled the very image of Masato, his fellow rival and roommate - or in this case, former roommate - cringing and glaring at him when Ren teased him saying that Masato would miss waking up seeing his face first thing in the morning. Boy would Ren miss seeing that blue-haired male get mad at him in their dorm room - it was both amusing and refreshing at the same time. But Ren did look forward to the week that he would get to spend living with Cecil and Otoya, smiling at the thought of the three of them laughing, having fun together, and possibly being shushed by Tokiya and Masato, who would be with Syo next door.

 _Speaking of living and working together_ , Ren mused in his head, _how are Shinomi and the senpais doing? That's a real colourful bunch living together in Bukky's apartment._

Staring up at the ceiling with his golden saxophone in his hands, Ren could not help but grin at the memory of Ranmaru jabbing his finger at the other four in utter incredulousness, Camus shaking his head, Ai facepalming, and Reiji and Natsuki smiling happily after they found out that they had to live together. Ren could already hear Ranmaru's colourful, explosive vocabulary being directed at Reiji and Camus and see Natsuki hugging each and every one of his flatmates and smiled.

_I'll ask them about it later - they must be really hard at work. I wonder-_

"Ano... Ren."

"Yes, Cesshi?" Ren asked, turning to the youngest Starish member.

Cecil was sitting on the edge of the bed between Ren and Otoya's ones. His cyan eyes were lowered and Ren got up into sitting position, starting to get concerned. Cecil had been quite tense throughout the discussions about what they were going to do about Round 2, and Ren could not help but wonder if something had happened to his friend.

"If I ask you this..."

Cecil slowly tilted his head up to look at Ren, his cyan eyes sheening with nervousness.

"... can you promise that you will not tell Tokiya, Syo or the others?"

 _This must have something to do with_ _Shinomi_ _and the_ _senpai_ s, Ren thought seriously as Cecil looked at him with a pleading look. _Otherwise,_ _Cesshi_ _wouldn't worry about_ _Icchi_ _and the rest of them knowing._

To be honest, Ren thought that of all his fellow Starish members besides Natsuki, Cecil probably had the most consciousness regarding what was going on and suffered the most guilt - Ren could see it in his eyes. So Ren ruffled Cecil's brown hair and gave him a light smile.

"Of course, Cesshi. Your secret's safe with me. What is it?"

Cecil glanced at the doorway and got up and walked towards it. He then quickly shut the door and looked straight at Ren, nervousness tinging his cyan eyes, and spoke softly.

"It's about Natsuki."

Natsuki Shinomiya

Red, orange, brown and green leaves quivered from the bushes and towering treetops as silhouettes and shadows dispersed in a broken hysteria up into the cold sky. The sunlight was warm and gales of wind howled throughout the normally-peaceful forest, but all of their liveliness and melody were drowned out by the excruciating cries of birds that pierced through the air like the shattering of glass. Pants, mutters and curses were heard as Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus sprinted deeper into the forest whilst following the birds that had come to the apartment for help. Running beside Reiji in front of Ai, Camus and Ranmaru, Natsuki pushed himself with every ounce of strength that he could gather to run as fast as he could, his heartbeat accelerating and amplifying with each worrying second, the painful cries of his animal friends and the knowledge of the damage that had already been done breaking him on the inside.

_We can't let this go on. I don't want that little boy and my friends to be even more hurt than they already are._

Natsuki felt someone pat him on the back and he turned to Reiji, who gave him a smile with a serious expression in his grey eyes. Nodding in understanding, Natsuki smiled slightly and tightened his grip on his viola case and first-aid kit as the five of them increased their pace and the birds flew even faster than before.

_We won't... let their pain go on. We can't._

The canary chirped with pure anxiety and Natsuki immediately glanced around at his friends, translating the message.

"It says that we are almost there."

Camus and Ai's gazes were serious while Ranmaru gritted his teeth with a soft curse. Reiji nodded with a grave expression and Natsuki let out a deep exhale, bracing himself to face whoever had harmed his animal friends and the little boy, promising to do everything that he could to protect them. The three birds all clamorously at the same time when they reached an open clearing and the five of them stopped running the moment the source of the chaos unfolded itself before their very eyes.

His heart trembling, Natsuki clenched his fists even tighter and yelled out in deep agony.

"Stop hurting them!"

Everyone at the scene froze immediately. The animal nearest to Natsuki was a baby deer laying on the viridescent grass, one of its legs wounded with crimson blood glinting in the late morning light. Other injured animals included a yellow hummingbird with a torn wing, a white rabbit with a deep gash across its body, and a blue-and-indigo butterfly with a broken wing, and there were countless terrified animals like woodpeckers, rabbits, deer and frogs clustered and scattered around the clearing in utter fear in their eyes, with some of them even trembling. At the sight of the five of them, a number of boys with slingshots immediately bolted deeper into the forest without a single glance, but three boys remained there. Two of the remaining boys had either a knife or slingshot in their hands and had their backs facing Natsuki and the senpais. They were pointing their cruel weapons at a smaller boy with ice-blond hair, whose eyes were squeezed shut in deep agony with a few rabbits and deer near him, his body tainted with large bruises, and his hands clutching a bleeding arm, and all three of them had frozen when Natsuki yelled out. In an instant, the injured boy's eyes flew open and Natsuki's eyes dilated in shock at the familiarity of the little boy.

"You're..." Natsuki uttered, remembering the boy within moments, "you're Eli-kun... aren't you?"

Natsuki did not forget the incident at the park, the time when he, Ai and Reiji witnessed Eli being isolated amidst his own group of friends and being yelled at and pushed to the ground when he did not deserve it. He remembered how the little boy had cried in his mother's arms and the memory still wrenched Natsuki's heart until this very day whenever he thought about it. His eyes widening as well, Eli was opening his mouth to speak when the two boys who had been wrecking havoc in the animals' sanctuary came to focus in Natsuki's vision, and Natsuki's heart was paralyzed by pure shock and horror at the cruel, familiar faces.

_No._

Satsuki Shinomiya

_The will to protect._

_The powerful desire to be there for someone. To use all the strength you have to look out for someone whom you love. To put that will above everything else._

Satsuki knew from all the years of sharing a body with Natsuki that the two of them were almost nothing alike. Satsuki had a violent temper - yes, he could admit that, unlike a certain silver-haired dimwit - while Natsuki had never gotten mad for anything. Satsuki could punch total strangers on the face for insulting Natsuki while Natsuki played the viola for birds and smiled as they perched themselves on his gentle fingers. Satsuki would never in his life hug any of the senpais while Natsuki loved giving them bear hugs with a happy smile. But one thing that they had always shared in common was their resolute desire to protect those they cared about. For Satsuki's case, it was Natsuki whom he would threaten anyone and gladly shove a fist at some moron or rascal. Meanwhile, Natsuki would take a bullet for the people whom he loved and cared about - the clown, the android, that silver-haired moron, that snob addicted to sugar, those sorry-excuses-for-band-members, Satsuki himself if that were possible...

... and even strangers like that bleeding kid.

_You have always had such a selfless, warm heart and soul, Natsuki, even from when I was first born from your pain. That kindness is the strongest quality of yours... but it's also the most dangerous. You're kind even when it hurts. You're kind even to those whom you barely know and whom have hurt you over and over again. You're way too kind and that's what worries me the most. It's always been._

Cold flashes of memories that had yet to be recalled by their rightful owner crossed Satsuki's head and he grimaced as he watched reality in which Natsuki was staring at the bleeding boy in pure anguish.

_And now y_ _ou're still being kind... even when your broken past's staring you in the eye and you don't even realize it._

_"Breaking through! See, the times are changing!_

_Surely in this moment now!_

_Breaking through! Searching for the reason"_

\- "The dice are cast", by QUARTET NIGHT (Showtaro Morikubo, Shouta Aoi, Tatsuhisa Suzuki, Tomoaki Maeno)


	28. Forget-Me-Not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Violence

Natsuki Shinomiya

_No._

Natsuki could only stare in pure shock and terror as he recognized both perpetrators as people who had deeply wounded others, including Eli and Ai, in the past.

_I knew... that you were cruel, but... still... how could you hurt Eli-kun and all the animals like this?_

His heart trembled with agony.

_Why... would you want to cause so much pain?_

"It's you again!"

Gin, Ai's former student who had tormented the teal-haired and attempted to punch Natsuki in the face, cursed with a hostile scowl and a silver knife in his right hand.

"That's our line, you lowlife!" Ranmaru shot back, scowling darkly at Gin. Then he spun around to face Natsuki. "Natsuki, what does he mean 'you again'? The only reason I know this piece of trash is that he was Ai's former student and I had to threaten to beat him so that he would shut his trap that was spouting out junk about Ai!"

"Gin tried to punch Nattsun in the face when Nattsun protected Ai-Ai from him the time the three of us ran into Gin and his friends at a park and they hurt Ai-Ai," Reiji answered in a calm voice edged with cold anger and the fury in Ranmaru's heterochromatic eyes intensified. Reiji shifted his eyes to the boy with the slingshot. "And Nobu there harassed Eli even though his friends claimed that they were friends."

Gin spun around to face Nobu as he jabbed a finger at Natsuki. " _That's_ the moron who confronted you that day?"

Nobu stared back at Gin. "And that's the dimwit who protected the loser who was your teacher?"

"Don't..." Eli breathed out, his voice quivering like his hands, "h-h-hurt... them..."

Natsuki's eyes widened as he placed an arm in front of Ai, his heart moved by the fact that Eli was standing up for them. But the warmth disappeared into deep agony the moment Nobu spun around to scowl at a flinching Eli.

"You think we'll leave those useless morons alone just because you said so?"

"Even now, you're calling him and our friends names?" Ranmaru demanded as he balled his hands into fists and Camus narrowed his eyes. "Don't make us laugh. You two are the real dimwits here, not us and that kid. The moment you messed with him, Natsuki and Ai, you picked a fight with all of us."

"And now you have severely injured Eli and a number of forest animals," Reiji spoke up, his tone edged with warning. "All whom Nattsun cares about."

Camus gripped his sceptre with an icy glare as Reiji's eyes darkened.

"I suggest you leave before the five of us take matters into our own hands."

Gin let out a wicked cackle and Nobu simply laughed. Natsuki and Reiji's eyes widened in shock and disbelief and Ai, Camus and Ranmaru stared as the two perpetrators shot them evil smirks, not a single trace of fear or remorse in the duo's eyes.

"Us? Leave?"

Gin cackled again, eyeing the five of them with slyness glinting in his eyes.

"Why would us _brothers_ leave when the fun's just getting started?"

"Brothers...?" Natsuki uttered softly as Ai's eyes widened slightly and Camus' stare turned colder.

"Ya deaf, kid?" Ranmaru questioned, growling as he started to approach Gin and Nobu. "Wait 'til I-"

Ranmaru froze when Gin pointed the knife at Eli, who trembled uncontrollably in pure fear and terror. Pure anguish and fear for Eli whirled around Natsuki's heart like a hurricane of knives as tears rolled down the little boy's cheeks and for some reason, an acute, cruel pang of unexplained familiarity struck Natsuki's mind like a memory that he wished to never have to relive again. Ranmaru cursed as Camus and Reiji gritted their teeth and Nobu laughed and eyed Natsuki.

"You really have a big, _big_ heart caring for a stranger, _sir_."

Gin grinned as he pointed the knife even closer to Eli's pale, tear-streaked face and Nobu cackled and pointed his slingshot at Natsuki.

Attached to the slingshot was a jagged stone.

"Let's see what big guts you have saving a stranger while my bro and I won't be making it easy for you, got it?"

That was when Gin stabbed the knife into the wound on Eli's arm and the latter's cry shattered through Natsuki's heart like it were a kaleidoscope meant to be broken into a thousand pieces.

"Eli-kun!"

Not caring about Nobu's slingshot, Natsuki gritted his teeth and broke into a run across the clearing towards Eli and Gin as the former cried out in deep agony.

"Look out, Nattsun!"

His eyes dilating, Natsuki spun around and saw Nobu pointing the slingshot at his eye, but the red-haired boy was quickly tackled to the ground by Reiji and Ranmaru. His heart pulsating heavily in his chest, Natsuki thanked his two close friends and sprinted towards Eli, who was screaming as Gin burrowed the knife even deeper into the open wound. Dropping his viola case and first-aid kit, Natsuki sprinted forward and grabbed Gin's right wrist and attempted to pull the knife away from Eli and his wound.

"Natsuki!"

"Nattsun!"

Natsuki's friends' cries and yells rang inside his head as he tried to pry the knife from Gin's grip and Eli pleaded for all of it to stop. His teeth gritted and heart trembling, Natsuki exerted as much strength as he could and tightened his grip on Gin's wrist and slowly, he managed to pull the knife from the wound and towards the open air as the latter cursed loudly at him. As Natsuki and Gin struggled against each other, with the latter attempting to stab him and Eli with feral rage burning in his eyes, Ai and Camus made it to where Natsuki was. Camus grabbed Gin's left arm while Ai grabbed his right one and both of them tried to subdue the teenager as Natsuki held a trembling Eli in his arms.

"Eli-kun," Natsuki whispered, his heart pounding and faltering in his ears as he lowered his eyes to the crying boy. "Eli-kun. It'll be okay, Eli-kun. It'll be okay."

Natsuki took out his yellow handkerchief and gently pressed it against Eli's wound to stop the bleeding and smiled weakly as the latter cried out in terror.

"It'll be okay. I promise."

Quivering violently, Eli blinked through his tears and tried to speak as Natsuki wrapped the handkerchief around the wound.

"N-Natsuki... san..."

"You imbeciles!"

Eli's eyes dilated and Natsuki spun around, only to find Gin wrenching himself free from Ai's grip. The crazed teenager raised his knife into the air with a malicious snarl.

"The fun's not over!"

"Ai-Ai!"

Gasping, Natsuki got up and bolted towards Ai, whose teal eyes widened in shock. Gin sent the blood-stained knife slicing down the cold air and Natsuki yelled out and pushed Ai away. "Ai-chan!" In a broken heartbeat, pain pierced through him like cold lightning and Natsuki let out an anguished cry as he crashed onto the grass on one shoulder.

"Nattsun!"

"Natsuki!"

Wincing as he inhaled and exhaled unsteadily, Natsuki could hear his friends yell out to him as he lifted his head off the ground and slowly pulled himself up onto sitting position, only for his eyes to dilate. A wound had been torn open on his left arm and crimson blood oozed out of it and onto the grass like a cold stream of water, staining the forest with a dark, anguished colour.

_Blood..._

Staring down at the wound, Natsuki could feel himself beginning to tremble as the pain throbbed excruciatingly and a pang of terror struck his quivering heart like a shard of glass. Soon he felt a hand place itself on his shoulder and squeeze it tightly and he looked up at Reiji, whose grey eyes were tainted with deep hurt as he asked if Natsuki was alright. Trying his best to suppress the overwhelming emotions whirling around his mind and heart, Natsuki let out a shaky breath as he squeezed Reiji's hand gently and turned.

_Ai-_ _chan_ _-_

"It's not over-"

Camus struck Gin on the back of his head with his sceptre as Ai gripped the teenager's wrists, knocking the red-haired assailant unconscious before he could attempt another attack on Ai. His teal eyes grave, Ai stared at his former student for a few seconds before turning to Natsuki. Concern and pain flashed across Ai's face when he saw Natsuki, and Natsuki shook his head with a pained smile, glad that Ai was unharmed. On the other side of the clearing, Ranmaru had a shrieking Nobu pinned onto the ground with an infuriated glare smouldering his heterochromatic eyes. Breathing in and out as the pain ceaselessly tortured his arm, Natsuki remembered Eli and forced himself up.

"Eli-kun... Eli-kun!"

Eli's large amber eyes dilated as tears flowed down his cheeks and Natsuki ran towards him, the latter wanting to tend to the little boy's wound.

"Natsuki-san, don't! Please tend to yourself first!"

But Natsuki shook his head with a forced smile as he took the first-aid kit from the ground and unlocked it.

"Please, Natsuki-san!" Eli begged, grasping his arm with desperation in his eyes.

"No, it's okay, Eli-kun," Natsuki responded, taking a bottle of alcohol and a pack of alcohol swaps and white gauze from the kit, trying to bear the pain of his own wound. "You and the forest animals need help more than I do. I'll be fine, I promise."

"But Natsuki-san, you're bleeding a lot too!" Eli protested amidst broken sobs. The little boy grabbed his hand and Natsuki's eyes widened. "I don't want you to bleed because of me! Please, Natsuki-san!"

"It's not your fault, Eli-kun." Natsuki smiled weakly as he gave Eli's hand a gentle squeeze. "It's okay. Really."

"No, it's not!" Eli cried, gripping Natsuki's hand even tighter.

"Eli-kun..."

"Eli is right, Natsuki," Ai interrupted, placing a hand on Natsuki's own gently. Natsuki turned around and saw Ai already facing him with deep concern glimmering in his teal eyes. "Your wound needs to be tended to as much Eli's does. Both of your wounds are prone to infection, especially with the open air and the bacteria from the knife."

"And you're in a lot of pain too, Nattsun."

Reiji opened the pack of alcohol swaps and gave Natsuki an agonized smile.

"You always put everyone else before yourself to the point that you got hurt this badly, but now please let us take care of you. Let us tend to your and Eli-chan's wounds, as well as the animals. Don't force yourself when you're in so much pain, Nattsun. We don't want you to be hurt."

"Give us your instructions and we will take immediate action," Camus spoke up, his voice as deep as it was grave, his ice-blue eyes narrowed. "We assure you that we will do our utmost best, even with our inexperience with animals."

"Yeah," Ranmaru agreed, his heterochromatic eyes serious. "I'll give Shining a ring and he'll get the cops and doctors to take care of this mess too. You can leave this to us and take it easy, got it, Natsuki?"

Reiji took Eli's arm and gently pressed the alcohol swap to the little boy's wound as Ai started to wet another alcohol swap. As they did so, Ai and Reiji faced Natsuki and gave him gentle smiles, quietly assuring him that they would be fine. With his close friends' words bringing a warm calmness to his heart like a soft melody amidst a shattering sound, Natsuki smiled slightly and gave them a small nod. And Reiji and Ai smiled as Eli gave him a tearful smile.

...

"We'll get you all for this!"

Nobu shrieked, his eyes raging with sheer lunacy.

"The whole bunch of you six imbeciles, and that includes you, Eli, you coward!"

"They won't, Eli-kun," Natsuki spoke softly, ruffling Eli's ice-blond hair as the little boy shrunk in fear. He smiled assuringly. "All of us are here for you, so they will not ever hurt you again. You'll be okay, Eli-kun. You will."

Eli looked up at Natsuki and nodded with a weak smile. When Reiji, Ai and Camus tended to Eli, Natsuki and the forest animals' wounds with careful instructions from Natsuki, Ranmaru called Shining and explained the situation. Around fifteen minutes later, Shining arrived in a black limousine with three police cars and one ambulance blaring red sirens behind him. The police officers had arrested Gin, Nobu, and the five boys who had tried to hide when Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru came with the birdies, and were now escorting them to the cars as the vets tended to the animals and an elderly doctor checked on Natsuki and Eli. Reiji's arm was wrapped tightly around Natsuki's shoulders and Ai gently explained that their injuries would heal within a few weeks and that everyone would be fine as Ranmaru and Camus gave their statements to the head police officer. Quivering a little, Eli inched closer to Natsuki at the back of the ambulance, the little boy's amber eyes staring as his attackers were taken away, and Natsuki kept a hand on Eli's shoulder, his heart thumping with an unhealed pain.

"And we definitely will not forget you, _Natsuki Shinomiya_!"

Natsuki froze, his eyes dilating in utter shock as Gin's cold words sent an icy chill slipping down his spine. _How do you..._ Eli gasped as Reiji and Ai's eyes widened, _know my full name...?_ His heart thudded loudly in his chest like a pendulum against a wall as he stared at Gin, who let out a mocking laugh and sneered.

"Natsuki Shinomiya," Gin continued as he locked his glinting eyes with Natsuki's, "the violin prodigy who disappeared from the music industry so many years ago. Took awhile to confirm it, but I know for sure that you, you freakish dimwit, are that little prodigy. The little kid who shook the music industry with self-composed songs and suddenly disappeared like some kidnapped goner - our school's music teachers are crazy about that little prodigy and turns out that it's you!"

Gin let out a mocking cackle and gave him a deranged sneer, his handcuffs rattling behind his back as he attempted to lunge at Natsuki, only to be restrained by the two police officers who had been escorting him to the police car.

"You, you animal-loving freak!"

Natsuki stared at Gin in pure shock as his heart and body started to tremble in his chest, his heartbeat amplifying unsteadily in his ears. As Nobu began to laugh along with his older brother, cold agony twisted through Natsuki like slivers of ice, tearing open wounds on his heart like the sharp wings of an unkindness of crying ravens. The unfathomable sense of familiarity from before struck him like an uncontrollable hurricane and he flinched as his vision blurred into spots of colours. Natsuki had once played the violin, years ago as a child. He remembered playing the violin, but even those memories were only flashes and blurs and the main memory that he could recall was that playing that instrument... brought so much sorrow to him. Pure, heartbreaking sorrow that he did not understand the reasons for, that had made even touching the instrument so painful to the point that he quit and switched over to the viola. Natsuki could feel warm tears welling up inside of him as he squeezed his eyes shut, his head throbbing excruciatingly, the pain of his wound intensifying with the emotions spinning around his heart.

_I can't... I can't play._

In his own head, he was a small boy again, under a white spotlight amidst pitch darkness, staring at the violin in the open case. He remembered being in such a dark, hollow place when he decided to part with his violin, but he did not remember exactly where he was and what had shattered the bond that he and the instrument had once shared. Tears were threatening to fall from his eyes as his heartbeat thudded in his ears like a broken melody and he clenched his trembling fists even more tightly.

_I can't play it... when it'll only make me cry... again and again..._

A crack formed on his glasses as his heart wrenched in his chest and suddenly, the blackness around him shattered, the cold sound reverberating across the place.

_Why can't I even hold it... when playing it used to make me smile...?_

He clutched his head and squeezed his eyes shut as everything shattered around him.

_It's all... broken... just like me._

"Leave Nattsun alone!"

Reiji's indignant voice pierced through Natsuki's shattered landscape and he felt an arm wrapped around his shoulders tightly. Blinking with a quivering heart, Natsuki turned and saw Reiji glaring coldly at Gin and Nobu as the police officers forced the two cackling boys towards the police car. He was back in the present, as a young adult with pieces of a shattered dream and kaleidoscopic, unfathomable memories in his own head that even strangers could even know more about than himself. Beside Reiji, Ai's stare was calm but cold as Gin snapped his head towards Natsuki and sneered.

"Let me guess. Something traumatized you as a little kid and then being a coward, you quit?" Gin scoffed. "How sad."

"Enough!" Eli yelled, his voice cracking as he stared at Gin. "Stop hurting Natsuki-san!"

"What he said." Across the clearing, Ranmaru was glowering while Camus' teeth were gritted. "Zip it or you're gonna be adding a lot more to your sentence."

The doors opened, Gin and Nobu let out even more cold laughs as the birds chirped angrily and police officers forced the two boys into the car. But even as the police cars were driven away, with one remaining to get Natsuki felt like his head was drowning underwater, immersed in a cold recollection obscured by white haze, as he slowly looked around at his friends. Ranmaru and Camus were frowning in concern while Shining's eyes were grave behind his sunglasses and the birds, deer and other animals. Ai's eyes glimmered in pure worry as a pained Eli tugged at Natsuki's unbuttoned brown vest and Reiji wrapped his arm even tighter around Natsuki with a worried look in his grey eyes. He felt like he could hardly breathe. He felt like falters and broken words would not be enough to tell the people closest to him about the pieces of his own heart that were torturing him on the inside. His shoulders quivering, Natsuki let out a cold breath and spoke in a voice barely above a broken whisper.

"Is it okay... if I sit by the lake for a bit?"

He smiled painfully, his heart cracking in his chest.

"I need a moment... to piece myself together."

Ai Mikaze

"You had quite an exceptional impact on the music industry as a child, Natsuki."

"I did?" Natsuki inquired, his voice filled with confusion as Ai typed on his laptop.

It was a few weeks after the beginning of the Master Course. While Syo was out playing soccer with Otoya, Natsuki and Ai were the only ones in their shared bedroom. Ai had been studying Natsuki's profile when he was reminded of something that he had been rather curious about in regards to his kouhai. Natsuki was once a renowned prodigy as a young violinist in his youth, stunning the music industry with his self-composed songs and exceptional playing of the violin. However, based on Ai's observation, the only instrument that was currently in Natsuki's possession was a viola, not a violin which Syo owned. So Ai found it quite strange and wanted to find out more from Natsuki, who, from Ai's analysis, would never lie.

"You play the violin, don't you, Natsuki?"

Natsuki's eyes widened in surprise.

"According to the data that I have gathered, you were a renowned prodigy as a young boy," Ai continued, scrolling down the document. "You played self-composed songs in competitions and exhibited astounding techniques that surpassed most adults. However, I have not seen you with a violin ever since I first met you."

Ai looked straight at Natsuki.

"So I find it quite puzzling. Do you still play the violin?"

Natsuki stared at Ai for a few moments of silence before lowering his eyes, much to Ai's confusion. Was that... sadness... in Natsuki's eyes? Pain? Anguish? Fear...? Emotions that Ai definitely had not predicted as a response to what Ai had thought was a trivial question. Ai patiently waited as Natsuki met his gaze again and smiled faintly.

"No, I stopped playing the violin and switched to the viola, Ai-chan."

"Why is that?" Ai asked.

"I..." Natsuki lowered his eyes, "I don't remember."

"How do you not remember?" Ai asked, tilting his head in confusion. "It is rather odd to be unable to remember why you stopped doing something that was an integral part of your youth."

But inside of him, Ai knew that Natsuki was telling the truth, as bizarre as his answer was. Natsuki shook his head and looked down at his viola case, placing a hand quietly on top of it.

"I only remember ever playing the violin before, and even that is only a little bit," Natsuki confessed, his voice softer than usual. "It's like a piece of my memory just vanished and I don't know how to bring it back. But all I know is that... playing the violin makes this painful sadness well up inside me each time and I don't even understand why it comes."

Natsuki's eyes met Ai's and smiled sadly.

"It hurts... even to touch the violin."

Ai remembered staring at Natsuki for a few quiet, contemplating moments, unable to truly grasp the extent of the genuine pain of his kouhai's heart. He had gently told Natsuki that even without playing the violin, he was still an exceptional musician, and the latter had cracked a smile at that, but neither of them brought up the topic ever again, even after Syo returned to the room. However, the past had made its re-appearance through the cold words of Ai's former student as a malicious attempt to wound Natsuki, and it was evidently tormenting Natsuki as he sat by the lake, hugging his knees as he stared down at the clear azure waters. Sitting beside Natsuki, Reiji had an arm draped over their best friend while Ai quietly observed as the blond's eyes remained lowered, glimmering with pure anguish. All of them, including Ranmaru, Camus, Eli and Shining, had agreed to give Natsuki space, and Reiji and Ai offered to stay by his side, to which Natsuki agreed with a weak smile. Ai knew that no one, especially Reiji and Ranmaru, had truly forgiven Gin and Nobu for what they had done, but that alone... could not mend Natsuki's heart by even the slightest bit.

_The pain of a memory that you fail to recall, the anguish of touching an instrument that used to make you smile... We all saw the look in your eyes when Gin yelled out the fragments of your own past at you when all it did was pain you._

A cold sorrow swept across Ai's chest like waves as Natsuki closed his eyes, the latter's hands trembling a little, just like back in the clearing.

_The trauma in your eyes... was unequivocally excruciating._

"My broken words, no matter how I say them and what words I choose, no matter how hard I try to express my emotions through them..."

Natsuki uttered the words in a painful whisper as a soft ripple rang throughout the still autumn air, his green eyes tight with hurt.

"... it won't be enough... to let myself be understood. It'll never be enough."

"Nattsun..." Reiji started, but then the rustling of leaves filled the air. The three of them turned and found Ranmaru and Camus entering the lake area making their way through thick flower bushes. Their eyes were serious as they focused on Natsuki, who offered a weak smile before speaking again.

"But... I can try... with a way just as broken as the words in my heart."

Natsuki gave Reiji's hand a squeeze before pulling himself up and stepping away from them. Glancing at each other in confusion, Ai and Reiji got up too as Natsuki walked towards a towering, verdant tree surrounded by clusters of tiny pale blue and indigo forget-me-not flowers that shone faintly under the warm sunlight of the azure sky. His viola case in his hand, he stopped when he was directly in front of the flowers and turned to Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru, his eyes smiling faintly as he opened the viola case.

"A song that came to full bloom like a memory in daylight, like a flower that you were afraid to let go of... A song that slipped into my head when I sat by the lake, unable to piece myself together, unable to save myself from what I could not remember or understand. A song that came to life... as I thought of an instrument that I could not touch without feeling any pain..."

Pain throbbed inside Ai's chest as Natsuki positioned the viola over his left shoulder and gripped the bow, the latter's green eyes filled with emotion.

"A song... that I hope... is enough... to be heard by you."

With one last sorrowful smile, Natsuki lowered his eyes to the viola and started playing.

Reiji Kotobuki

The first melody was gentle and mellow, rippling through the cold, forest air like the flutter of a butterfly's wings against calm water.

As the sunlight quietly filtered through the leaves and onto Natsuki, Reiji could see the forest animals entering the lake area and peeking out from bushes and tree leaves, their movements all near silent, as though they understood. He remembered Natsuki saying that he sometimes played the viola for the birds, but he did not know what songs the gentle male chose to play. But one thing that Reiji knew was that the song that Natsuki was playing now was completely different from the solo songs that he had released. The rhythm was soft and nearly happy but wasn't. It was radiating with warmth like the autumn sun, but seeping with an underlying, pure sadness that wrenched Reiji's heart on the inside, just like the person playing the viola.

_"But... I can try... with a way just as broken as the words in my heart."_

Standing between Ai and Camus, Reiji let himself be immersed in the mellow, sorrowful cadence as Natsuki moved the bow delicately across the strings of the viola, the latter's pained words echoing in his heart.

_"A song... that I hope... is enough... to be heard by you."_

"Euphoria."

Natsuki uttered the words softly, his eyes remaining lowered to the viola, and that word and voice alone... somehow touched Reiji's heart along with the melody of the instrument.

"A state of pure, overwhelming happiness. No sadness, no pain, no grief. Everything was vivid, brilliant, vibrant, and bright with colour. It's like a dream or memory that you wanted to live in forever. It's a place where you could always smile or laugh or cry tears of joy, where you weren't hurt by anything or anyone. But..."

His shoulders quivered slightly and Reiji's eyes widened as Natsuki's voice softened with hurt.

"... it's terrifying. So, so terrifying."

The melody transited with a sharp, heart-wrenching jerk of the bow against the strings and it pierced Reiji's heart like shattered glass. Beside him, Ai's eyes were widened in shock as Ranmaru and Camus stared, and the memory of Natsuki clutching his head with tears streaming down his face and collapsing in Reiji's arms on the sidewalk flashed inside Reiji's head.

Tears threatened to well up behind Reiji's eyes all over again at the excruciating memory coupled with the heart-wrenching song played by his agonized best friend. _Nattsun..._

"That feeling could be snatched away from you in an instant like the wind that you could never grasp in the first place," he spoke barely above a whisper, his melody drowning with unspeakable sorrow, his eyes lowered, "like forget-me-not flowers like the ones around this tree disappearing into the light. Playing the violin used to be my euphoria. But... one day, a day that I can't even remember alone... it was all taken away. I know that I played the violin, but I can hardly remember playing it. I know that I used to compose songs, but I cannot remember a single one that I composed with the violin. And now... each time I think of playing the violin... breaks me little by little on the inside and even touching the violin... hurts so much."

Natsuki winced a little, his teeth clenched in pain.

"An unexplained sadness, the cold remnants of euphoria..."

Slowly, Natsuki raised his head to look at Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru, his green eyes smiling sorrowfully, the vulnerability on his face making Reiji's heart writhe.

"That's why... this song is called 'Euphoria', pieced together amidst broken words that aren't enough alone in my head, woven together with a painful hope that it brings at least a little bit of clarity no matter how painful it may be..."

Natsuki's eyes met Reiji's and the rhythm slowly transitioned to a softer, melancholic melody.

"... that what has been forgotten can someday be the reason the forget-me-not flower inside my heart blooms a little bit more."

Reiji could feel his heart quaver with emotion as he clenched his fists a little. _Nattsun..._ The memory of tears running down Natsuki's face when he failed to understand his own memories and sadness echoed inside Reiji's head like a haunting voice and he wished that he could hold Natsuki and take all of that sadness away, that he could give the blond the answers that would mend his heart. But Reiji didn't have the answers, and Natsuki's melody remained melancholic as an underlying tragedy slipped through the soft yet broken cadence like cold moonlight.

_Fragments of a broken euphoria in warm sunlight..._

Reiji lowered his eyes, his thoughts flowing through his head like a cold fog.

_A forget-me-not flower... amidst the sorrow of forgotten memories..._

"These are forget-me-not flowers."

It was back when Natsuki took Ai and Reiji to the flower meadows, after the dandelion seeds had been released to the air and caused the flower petals to soar up into the brilliant blue sky. The three of them had been exploring the meadows together when Ai stopped in front of a large tree that was surrounded by countless white, indigo and blue forget-me-not flowers, the teal-haired boy's eyes curious.

"Yeap," Natsuki responded, smiling at Ai, who crouched down in front of flowers. "They mean remembrance and true love, related to memories that we will never want to forget."

Natsuki wrapped an arm around Reiji and smiled sincerely.

"The memories that I share with you guys... will always be my forget-me-not flowers that will never die away no matter what."

Yet after that day... pieces of forgotten memories broke Natsuki on the inside, starting from the second morning of the opening round. And Reiji slowly realized that this beautiful yet broken melody that Natsuki had created... genuinely reflected what the latter had suffered through this whole time.

_The first calm melody that was near the edge of being happy but was tinged with sorrow... are the times that you smiled through your tears and tried to stay strong for us, when we held one another and did our best to believe that things would be okay. The times when you hugged all of us, smiling and saying that it was fine if we were happy even if you weren't._

On the day of the opening round, Natsuki had hidden his discomfort regarding his band members as he smiled brightly and offered to make tea for everyone.

_That sharp turn from mild sadness to dark melancholy was how the broken pieces of your past and the cruel things that others did to you struck you like a blunt arrow and shattered your heart, even as you tried to hold on and we reached our hands towards one another. Hurting you over and over again when you never deserved it._

The night he had regained consciousness, tears had streamed Natsuki's cheeks and Reiji and Ai had held him, genuinely believing that he would glow brighter than Sirius and any other star in the sky.

_And the melody reverting back to a calm mellow song..._

Reiji barely held back his tears as Natsuki closed his eyes in pain, almost like both of them were tortured by the same thing in their hearts, the memory of the two of them standing in front of one another under the ever-changing lights of the Ferris Wheel flickering inside his head.

_... goes all the way back to warm tears with painful wishes to be there for us even if it means getting hurt yourself._

As Natsuki slowly began to end the song, Reiji quietly approached him, the gentle breeze caressing his layered brown hair. When Natsuki finally lifted his eyes from the viola again and had released the last anguished note, Reiji placed his hands on the blond's shoulders and hugged him tightly.

_You pieced a song together with a painful wish that we would understand..._

He tightened the hug as he closed his eyes.

_... we'll always be here to piece you together, Nattsun. Always._ _So don't you ever feel like you can't come to us... please._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"I'm sorry."

Natsuki whispered softly as he hugged Reiji back and heard footsteps approaching him, the canaries and other birds chirping sorrowfully, lowering his eyes.

"I've been wanting to play the viola for you guys here in this forest, but I didn't think that this painful song would be the first song that I'd end up playing."

"There is nothing for you to be sorry for, Natsuki," Ai said gently, placing a hand on Natsuki's shoulder as he, Ranmaru and Camus reached where he and Reiji were. "The song was an honest expression of your feelings, and all of us wished to understand you as someone who matters to us."

"We would have been scared to death if you tried to sound okay by playing some cheerful song when we knew what happened back there," Ranmaru added as Camus nodded in agreement and Reiji hugged Natsuki even tighter. "So as painful as that song was, it was actually relieving, with its honesty and clarity, and we owe ya thanks for choosing that over pretending that you were fine when you clearly aren't."

"We're not disappearing, Nattsun," Reiji spoke in a near whisper, rubbing Natsuki on the back. "We never will, no matter how much euphoria was taken away from you, no matter how many memories have disappeared. We'll always be here. We'll never leave you behind or forget you."

The birds chirped assuringly as the injured baby deer stumbled towards Natsuki and nuzzled its head against his leg consolingly.

"Never, Nattsun. Never."

Natsuki smiled weakly, closing his eyes, his friends' warmth shrouding the fragments of his cracked heart. As a canary chirruped warmly, leaves quivered softly in the cool breeze and the word "euphoria" echoed inside his head like a distant yet beautiful melody, heard yet unreachable. The word "euphoria" was heard yet unreachable, like how warmth was consoling and yet painful too, intertwined with the fear of it someday slipping away into light and disappearing like it never existed in the first place. When he and Reiji pulled away from each other, with the latter's hands remaining on his shoulders and Ai, Camus and Ranmaru standing with them, a voice called out to him.

"Natsuki-san."

The five of them turned and saw Eli walking through flower bushes with the elderly doctor who had tended to his and Natsuki's injuries, his arm slung in a cream-coloured cast. "Eli-kun." Eli nodded and stopped when he was standing a few steps away from Natsuki, his amber eyes nervous yet serious.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out, Eli looked up at Natsuki and spoke.

"I've always looked up to you, Natsuki-san."

Natsuki's heart thudded in pure surprise and confusion as Eli continued, the little boy smiling faintly.

"The music teachers at school always talked about this prodigy who was gifted at the violin and composing and always played with raw emotion. I already knew that his name was Natsuki Shinomiya, but I had no idea that you and that Natsuki were the same person. Both of you were warm and kind and humble and had the same first name and hair and glasses, but I didn't know... until Gin pointed it out."

Eli flinched a little when he said Gin's name, which broke Natsuki's heart, but recovered in a few moments, his eyes never leaving Natsuki's.

"When I first heard you play the viola, Natsuki-san, I couldn't help but come closer, with Mr Yuu accompanying me," Eli confessed, smiling shyly while rubbing the back of his neck as the doctor smiled. "And I'm not saying this just because you're Natsuki Shinomiya, but... it's one of the saddest songs that I've ever heard. The whole song was beautiful and painful at the same time and it took me back to the songs that you had played as a child back in concerts and competitions."

Eli smiled sorrowfully, clenching his fists a little.

"When you were still playing the violin as a kid like me, you had always played emotionally, no matter what. But towards the end of that time... your songs were filled with sorrow. Listening the first few times made me cry a lot and from time to time, I still cry listening. And as I watched the videos of your performances, I saw the look in your eyes."

Eli stared up at Natsuki, his amber eyes tight with pain.

"The pain in your eyes back then was the same pain I saw when Gin and Nobu mocked you earlier."

Natsuki smiled sadly as Ai gave his shoulder a tight squeeze. "Eli-kun..."

"But... even with that, Natsuki-san..."

Eli's face brightened a little as he smiled up at Natsuki.

"... the Natsuki-san I see now looks so much happier than the Natsuki-san I saw in videos and photos of the last violin performance."

The birds chirruped in agreement as Eli beamed.

"And he's not alone anymore."

Emotions tugged Natsuki's heartstrings like they were a viola as his widened eyes stared at Eli, warm tears flowing within himself. The warmth of his friends being by his side seeped within him like rivulets and he smiled gently as he bent down and tousled the little boy's hair with a small nod.

"Yep, I'm not alone anymore."

He looked up at Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru and smiled genuinely.

"I found my euphoria, Eli-kun. It's a euphoria that has moments of pain at times, but will never disappear. And that euphoria... is my closest friends whom I will always love and cherish."

Reiji gave Natsuki a half-hug as Ai and Ranmaru smiled and Camus nodded. Eli's amber eyes lit up with pure happiness as he nodded and spoke again with a bright smile.

"You know, Natsuki-san, when you were still playing the violin, you once played your own song about the warm feeling of being with friends, and I could never forget that song."

His eyes were gentle.

"Do you remember that song, Natsuki-san?"

Natsuki was about to say that he did not when images of the tree surrounded by blue, white and indigo forget-me-not flowers bloomed inside his head like the glow of fireflies in a dark night and a formerly-forgotten melody echoed inside his head, and he recognized it as one created by a violin and not a viola. A memory of his younger self humming the song while tending to the bruises of two deer that had gotten into a small fight flashed inside his head and Natsuki blinked in shock.

"How...?"

"Nattsun?"

Reiji shook him on the shoulder and Natsuki turned to the brunet, whose grey eyes were filled with concern.

"Did something happen? Are you alright?"

"The memories just came..." Natsuki admitted, still unable to truly understand it, "but... I remember now." He started to smile. "That song and how I had hummed it when I was still small. I named the song 'Warm Heart' and dedicated it to the friends that I have made and will make and played it during the semi-final of a competition."

"Yep, that's the one, Natsuki-san!" Eli said with a bright smile as Reiji beamed and Ai smiled. "My music teacher played it in class when he first talked about you and it... it kept me going and gave me hope that things would be okay despite how much my classmates hurt me."

"And they'll be okay, and you'll always be able to smile at the end," Natsuki encouraged Eli, giving his shoulder a tight squeeze as Ranmaru grinned and Camus smiled.

Eli nodded with a bright smile, and that was when an idea came to Natsuki's head. Quietly welcoming the idea with open arms, Natsuki smiled gently at Eli and asked.

"Say, Eli-kun... would you like to hum the song together?"

Eli's eyes widened in utter shock. "R-Really, Natsuki-san?"

Natsuki nodded with a bright smile. "Yeap! I'll play it on my viola and we can hum it together! Do you like to hum, Eli-kun?"

Eli nodded with a smile. "I love to hum and sing, Natsuki-san."

Natsuki beamed. "Then let's harmonize together in 'Warm Heart'! I'm sure we'll do great!"

"Thank you, Natsuki-san!"

"Thank you too, Eli-kun!"

Natsuki stood up from the ground and got into his viola stance again as Eli took a deep breath and let it out. Exchanging sincere smiles, they counted down from 5 to 1 together and started to hum and play 'Warm Heart". Eli's voice was clear and gentle as his humming seamlessly intertwined with Natsuki's own humming and viola, and Natsuki could feel warm emotions flowing inside his heart all over again as they smiled at each other and harmonized.

_What has been forgotten... can be warm again._

Natsuki looked over his shoulder at the tree surrounded by forget-me-not flowers and smiled gently as the warm sunlight made the leaves and petals seem like they were glowing.

_What has been broken... can bloom again._

Wrapping an arm around Natsuki, Reiji started to hum along as the birds tweeted happily and called out for Ai, Ranmaru and Camus to join in, with Eli and Natsuki nodding with bright smiles. Ranmaru and Camus shook their heads, which caused Reiji to pout, but Ai stared at Natsuki, his teal eyes contemplating, and smiled slightly before humming along too with occasional, gentle "Na na na"s. And everyone was smiling as their combined melody reverberated throughout the warm forest, creating their own forget-me-not flower.

_And our harmony, friendship and euphoria... can never be forgotten._

Ai Mikaze

After Natsuki had played 5 more songs for the animals, with Eli, Reiji and Ai humming along and the birds singing along, the four of them, Ranmaru and Camus went to a curry place to have lunch. Before Shining even offered, Natsuki and Reiji had volunteered to bring Eli with them for lunch and send him home, to which Ai, Ranmaru and Camus agreed. 12-year-old Eli Kizuna was an amiable boy, to put it simply. He was naive, awkward and shy, but was also kind-hearted, polite and honest, all of which were the reasons that Gin, Nobu and other schoolmates targeted and bullied him both at and outside of school. He also had a rather unique and calming singing voice which had impressed all of them, even the exigent Camus. There were a number of times in which Ai would look at Eli and be reminded of Natsuki, with whom the little boy shared numerous similarities.

 _They are bonding quite rapidly_ , Ai thought when he saw Eli give Natsuki a hug when they arrived in front of his house, _considering that they are near strangers. Not to mention, the way they had harmonized back in the forest sounded like they had been close for years._

Camus and Ranmaru nodded and Reiji waved with a bright smile as Eli waved at all five of them and entered his house with his parents, who had thanked them for looking out for their son. Everyone had taken a liking towards Eli. Even Ranmaru and Camus, who talked to him about soft rock and offered him tea, respectively. Ai looked up at Natsuki and smiled faintly.

 _And the two of you expressed your emotions without any form of_ _restraint_ , Natsuki smiled back at Ai, _despite how painful or incomprehensible they were._

The front door shut tightly.

_Painful... and incomprehensible..._

"Looks like we all gotta head back to work."

Leaning against the car door, Ranmaru crossed his arms behind his head and looked around at all of them.

"As much as the morning was wild with insanity, the old man's not givin' us an extension."

"We gotta decide on the idea we're going forward with," Reiji said as all of them went back into the car, with the latter and Natsuki at the front and Ranmaru, Ai and Camus at the back. When they were all settled inside with the car doors closed, Reiji looked over his shoulder at Ai, his grey eyes concerned. "We stopped at the part where Ai-Ai wasn't sure about himself and expressing his emotions."

"Like Natsuki said earlier," Ranmaru said, folding his arms, "if you ain't on board with the idea, we can always go for somethin' else. No one's leavin' anyone behind."

"Yeap."

Natsuki and Camus nodded as Ai took a moment to think. He had not forgotten his dilemma. In fact, he had been contemplating it again ever since he saw Natsuki's own broken past take a toll on him after the excruciating emotions were triggered by Gin. Ai had been quite worried about the idea of expressing sentimentality and other emotions in their five-man project after all the emotions and memories that Natsuki, Reiji and the others had given him, overwhelmed by his own doubts and worries, two things that were normally never associated with him when it came to his idol work.

However...

_"But... I can try... with a way just as broken as the words in my heart."_

_"Yep, I'm not alone anymore."_

_"And they'll be okay, and you'll always be able to smile at the end."_

Natsuki's honest and sincere words warmed Ai on the inside as the memories twinkled inside his head like snowflakes under streetlamps on a winter night. Being tormented by his inability to remember a hollow gap in his past and agonized by emotions that he did not know the reasons for, Natsuki could have fallen away only to never get up again, closed his eyes and looked away from reality as he let himself shatter. And yet he did not let himself give up. The pain of his emotions was terrifying, but he transformed it into a song that wished to be understood, creating a melody that reached all of them as well as Eli. Observing Natsuki had moved Ai on the inside and willed him to aspire to do the same. To give everything that he had to express his own emotions, even if it was terrifying, even if it was more foreign to him than everyone else.

"I will admit that it may initially be a struggle..."

Ai faced Camus, Reiji, Ranmaru and Natsuki.

"But I mean it when I say that I want to do it. It can be overwhelming and terrifying, but if there is anything that I learned today, it is that that fear is not to deter or hinder me from giving my optimum performance and that it can be converted into something meaningful and powerful. So while I cannot say that I am 100% certain of myself at the moment, I will be fine - I am sure of it."

Ai smiled faintly as a smiling Natsuki reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder and Reiji beamed.

"Precisely like Natsuki said earlier, I will be able to smile at the end. We all will."

"Now that's the confident Mikaze Ai we know!" Ranmaru grinned and slapped Ai on the back of the head. Ai narrowed his eyes at his band member. "What? A slap on the head's completely different from a punch on the face!"

"It's Maru-chan-senpai's way of showing his love!" Natsuki chimed in with a happy smile.

"Yeah, it's- Wait, love? Hold up, Natsuki! I-"

"No need to deny it, Ran-Ran!" Reiji exclaimed as he started to drive and Camus smirked. "We know that despite how much you threaten to punch us, you love us as much as we love ya!"

"Ai, now's the perfect time for me to demonstrate what I meant by plummeting this dunce to the ground."

"Plummet him down another time, fool. Can't you see that it will only stir up problems since he is the driver?"

"And who are you calling a fool, dunderhead?"

"Who else, you bass-loving ignoramus?"

"What's an 'ignoramus', senpais?"

"It's what Camus is, Natsuki. Look it up and you'll know."

"Don't taint Nattsun, Ran-Ran!"

_We will be fine._

As he facepalmed and observed the bewildering mayhem that stirred more and more with each passing second, Ai could not help but smile a little at how typical this sight was when it came to the five of them being in one place. And despite the noise, it was not actually a bad thing, even with the bickering, insults and protests. Perhaps, this was what it meant to be sentimental, and at this very moment... Ai could not say that it was a bad thing. With a slight but sincere smile, Ai allowed it to fill his beatless chest as Camus retaliated by using Ranmaru's name to define the word "ignoramus" and Reiji exclaimed for Natsuki to not listen to either of the bickering Quartet Night members.

_As long as we are ourselves, we are alright. That, I am 100% sure of, exactly like how I am certain that memories worthy of being made into the metaphor "forget-me-not" will continue to blossom between us._

Otoya Ittoki

_"Let me_

_shoulder half_

_Of the entire burden"_

Standing in front of the open door to an near empty dormitory, Otoya stared blankly as the gentle cadence of STARISH's "Yumeoibito e no Symphony" resounded from his red headphones, not a single word slipping out of his mouth as the room remained pitch dark without its occupants.

_"I'll always_

_Be by your side!"_

_But..._

Even as he listened to his own and his friends' singing voices and their harmonization, his heart was devoid of any form of warmth.

_You aren't._

Otoya felt hollow on the inside. He was missing pieces of himself that had made him laugh and smile, that had illuminated his surroundings wherever he went. Gripping his guitar in his hand even tighter, Otoya hung his head as cold and formerly-warm memories plagued his mind like shadows, the song unceasing.

_"We hold you... We want you!"_

_You don't._

_"Let's go together on this star road!"_

_We aren't._ Otoya clenched his teeth, his eyes remaining on the dull floor. _Not anymore._

He shut his eyes tightly.

_Not anymore... because of you._

Placing a clenched fist on the frame of the doorway, Otoya could feel his own body quivering as he gritted his teeth even tighter, his heart scattered within himself like dust and ashes.

_It has all been forgotten because of you._

_"Somehow, I believe... In the future, this seed_

_Will bloom into my heart... I'm sure! My promise to you..."_

\- "Winter Blossom", by Ai Mikaze (Shouta Aoi)


	29. Unwavering

Ai Mikaze

The second round of the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project proved to be a hectic one from the very beginning.

Immediately after returning back to the apartment after sending Eli home, Ai, Natsuki, Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru went to work and accumulated ideas for their main unit project. Natsuki's initial idea had given them a solid foundation of the project and during long hours of sitting at the coffee table with mugs of hot milk tea, all of them contributed, discussed and connected more ideas together, solidifying their plan. Knowing that their time was constricting, they had aimed to finalize at least the base and Round 2 concept by the end of Monday so that the remainder of the week could be focused on filming and making their project an actuality. And after countless struggles of confusion, frustration, cluelessness and impatience, along with a number of bickers - courtesy of Camus and Ranmaru with the other three needing to mediate the situation - they had finalized their initial plan and believed that they could add more to it as the project progressed. And thus, at 11:21 p.m., they had contacted Shining, who was miraculously still awake, hoping to get his approval.

And thankfully, they did.

"Don't know how you five came up with this complex project when Shining-san gave you the task just yesterday, but..."

Tamaki, one of their main photographers throughout their idol work in Shining Agency, gave them a bright smile and a thumbs-up sign.

"I applaud all of you for rising up in the challenge. You're nailing everything!"

Camus nodded with a pleased look on his face while Ranmaru grinned and Reiji threw his arms around Natsuki and Ai. Shining had made the necessary arrangements with Tamaki and the rest of the staff overnight, so the five of them were able to begin filming and taking the concept photos the next day, which was Tuesday. They had arrived at the forest at 5:45 a.m. so that Natsuki could explain to the forest animals about their plan and the situation. The animals gave him permission to do their idol work at the forest and at 6:10 a.m., Tamaki and the rest of the staff assigned to their unit arrived with the necessary equipment. They had started off with the individual shots and scenes, then did their sub-unit concept photos and scenes and had just finished taking their group shots in front of the tree surrounded by blue, white and indigo forget-me-not flowers, standing next to one another, with Ai between Natsuki and Ranmaru. While Tamaki went to talk to the filming staff, the five of them turned to one another and started to talk.

"Wasn't sure how this was gonna go, but it's actually goin' real smoothly," Ranmaru remarked with a grin.

"Yeap!" Reiji agreed enthusiastically, beaming as Natsuki smiled brightly. "That's because we're all in this together! All five of us are here for one another!"

"I do not disagree, but you can tone down your cheerleading, Kotobuki," Camus commented, "especially during our individual photoshoots."

"I completely agree," Ai said.

"Hey! That's one of the Kotobuki Reiji ways of showing moral support! And that was just occasionally!"

"But honestly," Ranmaru continued, ignoring Reiji's comment, "everyone rocked their shots, whether in the group or individual parts." He turned to Ai and smacked him lightly on the shoulder. "To think you were worried about expressing sentimentality... You were rocking with a whole lot of it, alright, from start to finish!"

"Maru-chan-senpai is right," Natsuki agreed, wrapping his arms around Ai with a kind, sincere smile. "You moved all of us throughout the shoot! From the way you held your chest and the forget-me-not flower all the way to the very end... it was like we were in the scene with you and could feel what you felt, Ai-chan!"

Ai's eyes widened. "Really?"

Natsuki beamed as Reiji threw an arm around Ai. "Yeap!"

"In that case, I will say that my performance was satisfactory enough," Ai remarked with a slight nod, smiling. "I was thoroughly impressed by all four of you too, to be completely honest. All of you filled my hollow chest with emotions like I had an actual heart. I have to say that this is the most fun that I have had in a project concerning idol work and in addition to that, it was overflowing with memories that I absolutely refuse to let go of."

Ai placed a hand on his chest, identifying the emotion lingering there as "pure warmth".

"Let us share irreplaceable memories until the very end, everyone."

With warm smiles, Natsuki and Reiji held Ai even tighter as Camus and Ranmaru remarked that Ai had gotten much more sentimental and poetic than before. "Did spending your free time with Natsuki and Reiji really change you that much?" Ai did not say it directly, but all of them knew that the answer was a definite "yes". One of his individual scenes was him listening to the white canary chirping while looking up at the tree with white flowers where it was, a faint smile on his face, a hand over the left side of his chest. While he immersed himself in the scene, the memory that had soothed his mind and chest was that of himself, Natsuki and Reiji in the flower meadows, observing as the petals rose into the air amidst the powerful gales after the dandelion seeds were released.

Every scene and photo that they had filmed and taken had a connection to their real life and memories, which majorly contributed to the level of sentimentality each of them managed to exhibit. Like how Ranmaru gently stroking a white rabbit resembled his rare, softer side in terms of cats, how Camus drank tea in silence represented his appreciation towards peace and quiet, and how Reiji tugging Natsuki by the arm and hugging him represented their deep friendship.

_Memories and sentimentality..._

Recalling the individual and group shots that Tamaki had shown them earlier, Ai smiled as the gentle wind caressed the tree leaves, letting the forest reveal a small segment of its inimitable and pleasant symphony.

_They make quite an irreplaceable and precious combination, don't they?_

Natsuki Shinomiya

_"There is no such thing as happiness without sorrow. Love without pain. Bonds without togetherness. Harmony without struggle. We may say harsh words that we wish we can take back but can never. We may lie to do what we believe is best when it actually causes more hurt. But at the very end, we never stop caring. Because that is what people with true bonds do."_

"This is definitely fitting and more than sufficient enough to be your prologue," Ai remarked, looking up from the draft that Ranmaru and Camus had given him, Natsuki and Reiji to read and give comments about. "I am surprised that this is the approach that the two of you chose considering your usual bickers on a daily basis, but it is sincere and in a remarkable way."

"Yep," Natsuki agreed, smiling gently. "I love the emotions in the prologue and the meaning within it. No matter how much pain is caused, how much we fight with one another, we will always be there for one another and love one another. Both your prologue and ours are connected that way."

"See?" Reiji grinned, slinging his arms around Ranmaru and Camus. "No matter how much you call each other names and yell at each other, deep down in your hearts, you two love each other lots and lots! Just that you're too much of tsunderes to admit it out loud!"

Ranmaru glared. "I call dibs on plummeting this guy to the cold floor, ice popsicle."

Camus scowled as his pet dog barked angrily. "I have no reservations, durian head."

"H-Hey! Don't go ganging up on me now that you confessed your love! And hey, why are you still insulting each other?"

"This ain't love, you maracas-loving dunce!"

"Do worry about your own safety first, Reiji."

On Wednesday morning, the five of them sat at the glass table of the living room to work on the prologues of their videos. Instead of doing one video for Round 2, they decided to do three, with the first video representing Natsuki, Ai and Reiji, the second video showcasing Camus and Ranmaru, and the third video including all of them. Now they were working on the prologues for the two videos and the statements for the third one and would later work on their individual paragraphs describing their own characters. Barely evading a smack on the head from Ranmaru, Reiji scrambled away from the angry duo and dog and hid behind Natsuki, pleading for him to "save him". Chuckling, Natsuki hugged Reiji back as he told Alexander to calm down and not scare Reiji, stroking the white dog softly. The dog let out a few content barks and Natsuki laughed.

"Myu-chan-senpai, Alexander-kun said that he wants to go to the forest."

"That will have to wait," Camus remarked, looking down at his dog sternly. "I will take him there when we film for the project again. I trust that he will be on his best behaviour."

"Natsuki, you know that you can just lie about what the dog's sayin' and he'll still believe you, right?" Ranmaru pointed out, smirking. Natsuki tilted his head in confusion and Ranmaru's smirk broadened. "Just say that the dog said that it hates its owner and things will be all peachy."

"Ranmaru, we would appreciate it if you do not teach Natsuki such inappropriate behaviour," Ai told Ranmaru, shaking his head in disapproval. "As much as you are Natsuki's polar opposite, I believe that you are capable of teaching him positive things."

"Is this fool even capable of positive things?"

"I am capable. I can teach him that it's more than okay to punch annoying people like the ice prick, Reiji and Ren every once in awhile."

"Ran-Ran!"

Reiji covered Natsuki's ears as Ai shook his head and Camus countered against Ranmaru. That was when the screen of Natsuki's yellow cellphone lit up, revealing a chat notification. His eyes widening a little, Natsuki reached out for his cellphone and checked the notification, only to find a few messages from one particular person waiting for him.

"Eli-kun?" Natsuki uttered, tapping on the notification.

For the past few days, Natsuki and Eli had been chatting with each other from time to time, mostly through their main texting platform. Eli would talk about school; Natsuki would chat about his project; and they would also talk about music, hobbies and other things that made them happy. Reiji wrapped an arm around Natsuki and leaned closer as the chat unveiled itself, starting with an unusually-long message.

Within a few fleeting moments, emotions tugged at his heart.

"Eli-kun..." he whispered.

_"Hi Natsuki-san. This sounds kinda strange, but I thought I'd send all of it in one large text instead of sending it separately and getting nervous that you'd open this before I'm done. Natsuki-san, I thought about what I learnt about you the day you and your friends saved me in the forest. About how you couldn't remember playing the violin and most of the songs that you composed on your own. About how painful it was. So I thought about it many times and decided to try and help you remember. Below this message is a Google Drive. I placed all the songs that you composed as a violinist inside the drive, thinking that it could help you remember. If you think it'll hurt too much or are not sure, it's okay if you don't open it - I'll understand! But I want you to know that your songs reached out and touched so many people, even if you don't remember it. Because your songs did not just show your talent but also your emotions and a warm, beautiful person and friend."_

_"I want you to know that you gave your heart no matter what."_

"I gave... my heart..."

Natsuki could hear Eli's gentle voice even as he read, as though the young boy was smiling in front of him and saying the words in person. A hand gave his shoulder a tight squeeze and he turned to Ai, who smiled softly along with Reiji, and Camus and Ranmaru nodded as though they understood. His heartbeat wavering with warmth with a soft smile on his face, Natsuki took in a deep breath and let it out quietly and tapped on the Google Drive. And his heart thudded audibly when the drive finished loading.

There were at least fifteen songs in there, including "Warm Heart", all credited to Natsuki. Carefully scrolling down the songs, Natsuki could feel warmth and sorrow flood throughout his heart at once each time he silently read the name of each song that he had forgotten. _"Colours", "Starry Night", "Pieces", "Constellation's Song"..._ Words that his heart knew he would have chosen even though the memories were not there, words that expressed different parts of himself in a manner that was simple yet precious to him, like a warm memory. Releasing a quiet breath, Natsuki turned to Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus with a faint smile and wanted to tell them that he would listen to the songs later and text Eli, but Ai spoke first.

"Would you like to listen to the songs now?"

Natsuki's eyes widened in pure shock. "But Ai-chan, we need to work on the project-"

"Nope, that can wait!" Reiji chimed in, tightening his arm around Natsuki and ruffling his blond hair with a gentle smile. "The songs are deeply important to you, which means that they are also deeply important to us. You are our precious dear Nattsun! And it means the whole world to us if listening to the songs will help you get your memories back and make you smile more."

"We were extremely productive yesterday, so we have the time right now," Ai added. "And since you give your all in everything you compose and sing, I am absolutely certain that we will learn more about you and all of us will become closer in the process, both of which can never be harmful."

"So if you want, go ahead and play the first song," Ranmaru encouraged Natsuki, with Camus nodding. His lips parted into a slight grin. "Our ears are wide open and if any of you have the urge to cry, the tissue box's on the table."

"I am certain that Kotobuki, Shinomiya and Kurosaki will end up using all the tissues," Camus remarked. "Although that does not mean that Mikaze and I will be unaffected by what we are about to hear."

"Are you seriously suggesting that I'm gonna cry, you sweet-toothed baron?"

"So whaddya say, Nattsun?" Reiji said, beaming at Natsuki with a gentle light in his grey eyes, squeezing his shoulders. "Wanna give the songs a listen? We're gonna be right next to you all the way."

His heart warmed by his close friends' genuine kindness and love, Natsuki beamed at all of them and nodded. "Yeap, let's listen to them together, senpais, Ai-chan!" So with all the senpais agreeing, Natsuki texted Eli, who was offline, and with Reiji and Ai sitting beside him, played the first song "Dearest", a calm song gently coloured with soft warmth. Just like with the case of "Warm Heart", "Dearest" brought back memories that were connected to it. When the song was being played and Reiji pulled him into a gentle hug, Natsuki remembered how the melody had come to life in his head in the first place. His parents had taken him to the woods nearest to where they lived in France, where Natsuki had spent part of his childhood in, and they found tiny quails, rabbits and deer already waiting for them. Natsuki had spread his arms out and welcomed the animals into a warm hug, laughing as they crowded around him. His mother and father had hugged him from behind and they had laughed as they fell onto the soft green grass, the sunlight warm from the prismatic blue sky, the clouds white and fluffy, the flowers blooming around them.

 _We had so much fun together with the animals..._ Natsuki smiled gently as he remembered his parents' warm smiles. _These memories... with mom and dad... How did I end up forgetting them...?_

A tear ran down his cheek and he could feel Reiji and Ai hold him even tighter.

_How could I... forget something so warm...?_

"Here, Natsuki."

Ranmaru held out a tissue to him, his heterochromatic eyes concerned as Ai reached out to pause the song.

"You okay, man? Whatever you're thinking looks like it hurts a whole lot."

"I am," Natsuki answered, smiling faintly as he took the tissue and wiped the tear away. "It brought back memories that I shared with my parents and the animals back when I still lived in France. And they were so warm, with the three of us hugging and smiling together... and the thought that I ended up forgetting what happened hurts."

"You sure you wanna keep listening?" Reiji asked, his grey eyes worried. "We can always stop and save it for another time if you're not ready, Nattsun."

"I'm sure," Natsuki answered, smiling softly. "I'll keep listening and I'll tell you all about what I remember and felt when all the songs are over, and I won't push myself if it hurts too much. I promise."

"You have never gone back on your word, so it is perfectly convincing if you make a promise as such," Camus remarked with a satisfied nod as Reiji, Ai and Ranmaru smiled. "So when you are ready, do resume, Shinomiya."

Smiling at his friends, Natsuki nodded and continued playing "Dearest", which was about to end. As the songs transitioned from one to another and warm and painful memories spilled into his head, with none of them being the cause of Natsuki's loss of memories in the first place, Natsuki somehow ended up thinking back to the video that had triggered everything in the first place, the footage of Satsuki hijacking the Hayato concert and singing while causing tremendous destruction, when the song "True Light" was playing.

_"Shadow and light, You and I, drawing closer_

_Asking what's real or fake"_

He had heard Satsuki singing those lyrics in the memory manifested as sounds in his subconscious when he was on the verge of collapsing in front of his band members, Reiji and Ai. Each song had given him at least a little more understanding on what he had forgotten, even though his memories were still incomplete, and brought emotions flooding throughout his heart. As the soft and peaceful cadence filled his ears and Camus closed his eyes, Natsuki thought of Satsuki and how much the latter had protected him all these years without him knowing.

Natsuki thought of how he had been understanding more and more about so many things, about the people whom he loved the most and cared about deeply, and contemplated watching Satsuki's performance again in order to understand his alter ego better. He was unsure if he was ready to watch that video again, especially since it had caused him unspeakable trauma, but he hoped that he was when he decided to. And he was reassured by the fact that even though he was alone when the cold reality of that video was slammed onto him the first time he watched it, he would be with his closest, dearest friends when he faced it next time.

As the song changed to "Warm Heart", which all of them had agreed to feature in their Round videos by creating a new, improved version of it at the studio together later today, Natsuki smiled sincerely and looked down at the draft that he, Reiji and Ai had come up with as the prologue for their sub-unit's video:

_"The sound of a gentle canary. The blossoming of flowers. The falling of the cold rain. The tenderness of an outstretched hand. The happiness and grief that paints the colour of tears. In the forest just for us, where our hearts touch one another's, we share our memories and hold them dearly. They are our forget-me-not flowers, our warmth, our colours. And they can and will always glow, because we are together, now and always. Because we love and are loved."_

_These memories that we will always cherish, whether they are in our minds or sleeping in our hearts..._

Reiji started to hum along to "Warm Heart", just like he had in the forest with Ai, Natsuki and Eli. As Ranmaru and Camus started to smile, Natsuki pulled both Ai and Reiji into a tight hug and smiled genuinely at all four of his friends, old memories intertwining with the ones that they were sharing right now, unwavering and warm, precious and dear.

_... they will always be with us, reassuring us over and over again that we love and are loved, even if the tears and rain fall, even if we cannot see the sunshine. It's because of that love... that those memories are so dear to us._

Cecil Aijima

"Fantastic! You really know the best places to go to eat, Ren!"

"The air's cold and we had a long shoot," Ren said with a chuckle as he carefully spooned more soup from the pot into his own bowl. "so I thought that having a hot pot for dinner would help us relax. This restaurant is one of my personal favourites, so I thought I'd bring you here, Cesshi."

Ren grinned and winked at Cecil.

"Just relax, okay?"

Cecil beamed back. "Yes!"

It was Thursday evening. After filming for their music video with the others, Ren and Cecil had left the studio and gone to this hot pot place for dinner. They had their own small private room - for the sake of not being stalked or spied on by fans or the paparazzi - and over cups of hot ocha and bowls of white rice and red spicy soup of seafood and vegetables, the ambience was warm and lovely. As the white steam rose into the air along with the spicy aroma of the soup, Cecil slowly sipped his soup with a smile, his tired muscles relaxing as he spent this quality time with Ren, with Tokiya and Masato at a music museum and Otoya and Syo playing soccer.

"Ah, Shinomi and the senpais posted on their account."

Ren chuckled and smiled as he looked up from his orange cellphone.

"They are truly raising the bar for all of us."

His eyes widening, Cecil took his light green cellphone and went to Twitter. When the latest posts from Natsuki's main unit finished loading, Cecil could not help but stare in awe. The photos were unbelievably aesthetic. There were three sets of photos: the photos of Natsuki, Reiji and Ai's sub-unit, the photos of Camus and Ranmaru's sub-unit, and the photos of the five of them together with a few shuffles between them. With the aim to surprise everyone, neither of the two main units revealed much detail about what they were doing, even to each other, but whatever Reiji, Ranmaru, Natsuki, Ai and Camus were up to looked beautiful and emotional which the QUARTET NIGHT members did not normally go for as a collective whole.

"Oh my gosh," Cecil breathed. "They all look absolutely fantastic. And they did all this in just a few days?"

"Yeah," Ren answered with a smile. "Even the staff was amazed. I chatted with some of them before the shoot started and they all said that Shinomi and the senpais blew everyone away at their shoot and came up with this complex project. I'm really looking forward to seeing more."

"Me too!"

And Cecil meant it with all his heart. He loved all that Natsuki and the senpais had posted. Even though he and Camus did not exactly have the best senpai-kouhai relationship, Cecil had to admit that the photo of the platinum-blond senpai leaning casually against a tree trunk with a cup of tea in his hand and looking across the shimmering lake in broad daylight was a shot pleasing to the eyes. Wearing a pale blue T-shirt, blue jeans, brown leather shoes and an unbuttoned white-and-grey-checkered shirt, Camus looked relaxed and content in the shot, both of which Cecil almost never saw on a daily basis, except when he was eating his sweets and having tea. And Ranmaru looked gentler than usual too, sitting on the thick branch of a tree with red and white flowers with his bass resting on his lap and his fingers on the strings, the morning sky painted a brilliant yellow, orange and red behind him, in his individual shot. Looking through all the photos, Cecil could not help but smile seeing how much the photos reflected the truth of how close all five of them were to one another, knowing that none of it was an act.

 _Syo would be cursing if he saw this_ , Cecil thought, nearly grimacing in his head, _but I'm happy for them, especially for Natsuki. These photos bring me such wonderful warmth just by looking at them._

A mild sadness filled Cecil's heart and he could not help the painful smile forming on his face.

_I wish I were still friends with them._

"Ren."

"Yes, Cesshi?" Ren asked, giving Cecil a kind smile.

Cecil lowered his eyes. "Do you think Natsuki and the senpais hate me?"

"Hate you?" Ren repeated. He let out a few laughs, much to Cecil's confusion. "Nah. Shinomi and the senpais would never hate you, Cesshi. I mean, Ran-chan and Baron may act like tsunderes that have PMS just about everyday-" Cecil nearly choked on his ocha and Ren laughed "- but they are way kinder than they look, you know. To be fair, when I met up with all five of them to apologize, I didn't think they'd forgive me. But despite what I did to them... they did anyway."

Ren gave Cecil a sincere smile.

"I'm sure they'd forgive you too if you went up to them to say sorry."

Cecil smiled slightly. "I hope that's true."

Ren chuckled again and poured a spoonful of hot soup into Cecil's bowl. As the warmth caressed his hands cupping the cup of ocha, Cecil remembered the last time he had tried to go and apologize to Natsuki and Reiji and his heart clenched in his chest.

"... I wish that Otoya and I had managed to say sorry back then."

Ren gave Cecil a look of understanding and nodded with a quiet sigh. "Shorty hasn't gotten past it, has he?"

"No..."

Cecil shook his head dismally, clenching his teeth.

"... but I haven't either."

Unfortunately, that was true too. Syo may have been the first one to get mad, but that did not mean that Cecil was not mad too. Not far from Reiji, Natsuki and Ren's shared bedroom, Cecil and Otoya's luck ran out the moment they ran into Syo, the last person that they needed to see if they wanted to apologize without any disturbance. As soon as Syo pointed out that he and Otoya looked nervous, Cecil mentally tried to come up with a convincing excuse instead of confessing everything and causing Syo to explode and ruin their chances of seeing Natsuki and Reiji. Trying hard not to panic, Cecil was running through the scattered thoughts in his head when Otoya yelled out.

"We want to go say sorry to Rei-chan and Natsuki!"

Cecil nearly flinched. _Oh no!_ Syo's jaw dropped as he stared at both Otoya and Cecil in utter disbelief. But soon the shorter blond's face turned crimson and he glared at both of them. At that moment, Cecil knew that they were not going to reach Unit 3's room in time.

"What?" Syo shrieked. "For what? Did that bass-obsessed punk brainwash you two or something?

"Ranmaru-senpai did not brainwash us!" Cecil disagreed, shaking his head. "All of us were wrong for hurting Natsuki and our senpais! For plotting against them, trying to separate Natsuki from Reiji-senpai and Ai-senpai, isolating him, yelling at him, everything! They were right to get mad at us! We deserved it for hurting all of them!"

"And so you're saying that the whole lot of them are all innocent when it comes to this whole freaking problem?" Syo retorted, his tone escalating as the fury blazing in his blue eyes intensified like flames. "Ranmaru and Camus when they acted like total dolts? Reiji and Ai who just keep pulling Natsuki away from us? And Natsuki who's replaced us so freaking easily like we don't even matter-"

"Natsuki never replaced us!" Cecil shouted, unable to hold back his anger any longer. "And even if he wanted to, which he would never, he wouldn't be able to when we're the ones who abandoned him in the first place!"

"If he cared, then why isn't he trying to patch things up with us but is instead getting all comfy with those senpais, especially that freaking moron Reiji?"

"We're the ones who are supposed to be patching things up, not him!"

"Are you freaking kidding me, Cecil?"

"You're the one who's unbelievable, Syo!"

"Excuse me?"

"I meant what I said!"

"Why you-"

"Let's go, Otoya," Cecil said, pulling Otoya by the arm and starting to walk away. But Otoya would not budge. His eyes widening, Cecil spun around to face the redhead, who had been quiet throughout the whole argument. "Otoya?"

Otoya's head was hung. Staring down at the carpeted floor, Otoya's normally-cheerful red eyes were devoid of any mirth. Cecil was completely aware that Otoya had just witnessed him and Syo fight and was definitely unhappy about it, but something about the look in Otoya's eyes deeply worried Cecil. It looked darker and colder, like shadows had completely vanquished the sunshine that had always been within Otoya. Otoya had gotten upset about things before, but Cecil had never seen him look so unlike himself than he did right now. Behind Otoya, Syo opened his mouth, but froze, probably noticing the change in Otoya as well. Getting more and more worried as seconds of silence passed, Cecil shook Otoya on the arm and asked if he was okay, but Otoya cut him off with a low, mirthless voice.

"I want to be alone."

Without looking at Cecil or Syo, Otoya pulled his arm away and broke into a run away from them, shocking Cecil.

"Otoya!"

Syo shoved Cecil to the ground and ran after Otoya, yelling after the redhead. Landing heavily on the carpeted floor, Cecil flinched and looked up, only to find Otoya and Syo disappearing into the corridor, neither of them looking back, the latter's yells and the former's cold silence echoing throughout the broken atmosphere. Clutching his arm, Cecil lowered his eyes in pain, shaking his head.

_Otoya..._

Even now, the broken memory remained in Cecil's head, tormenting him like a cold phantom. Syo had told the others about what Cecil had tried to do and Masato and Tokiya had questioned Cecil's decision to apologize to Natsuki and Reiji, but luckily, Ren had come to Cecil's defence by smoothly saying that there was no wrong in saying sorry. Before the dinner party, Cecil had gotten to talk to Otoya alone and asked if he was okay, apologizing for the painful argument. Otoya had smiled lightly at him and said that it was okay, that he did not blame Cecil, but ever since that day, Otoya rarely hung out with him anymore. Otoya would go out on his own or stay inside his bedroom. The person whom Otoya ended up spending most of his time with was Syo, who did not pretend that he was not mad at Cecil. Just hours earlier, during the music video shooting, Syo and Cecil had agreed to put aside their conflict during the shoot, but neither of them said an apology. Staring down at his bowl of soup, Cecil heaved out a sigh, grateful that at least, he could confide in Ren, glad that he had made the right call to open up about what had been going on with him.

But still... he wished that things were a little warmer.

"I was informed that you would wait for us to arrive."

"Sorry, Baron. Cesshi was rather tense, so I wanted to get him some hot soup to relax."

"Are you absolutely certain that your method worked, Ren? Because to me, Cecil does not look relaxed at all. In fact, he looks the complete opposite."

"Cecil-kun, are you okay?"

_Wait, what?_

Cecil lifted his head up and his eyes dilated when he saw Camus, Ai, Natsuki, Reiji and Ranmaru standing by the door, all of them facing him. _What?_ Cecil yelled in his mind, staring at all of them, trying not to tremble out of nervousness. He swivelled his head around to face Ren, who winked at him with a thumbs-up sign.

 _Ren!_ he mentally shouted.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, Cesshi."

Ren smirked mischievously and Cecil knew that Ren absolutely knew _exactly_ what he was doing.

"I knew you wanted to patch things up with Shinomi and the senpais, so I invited them out here to join us for dinner," Ren explained as Natsuki and Reiji smiled at Cecil, who still could not believe what he was hearing and seeing. Ren's lips slanted into a reassuring smile. "Just take a deep breath and we'll all talk over our nice hotpots."

As much as Ren's intentions were kind, Cecil was still panicking on the inside.

_It's not that easy, Ren, and you know it!_

"Yeah," Ranmaru agreed casually as he and the others took their seats, with the silver-haired senpai taking a seat between Cecil and Ai. Cecil could not believe that Ranmaru and Camus even agreed to come. "Just give us a bit to order and we'll get down to it. We discussed who's going with who on the way, so this'll be fast. Reiji and I are takin' the fiery dragon soup while Camus, Ai and Natsuki are goin' for the milder broth."

"Yeap!" Reiji agreed with a grin as he sat between Ren and Natsuki, with Camus occupying the corner seat closest to Ai and Natsuki. "Can't wait to spice up this lovely evening with hot food and drinks and most importantly, this lively crowd!"

"You don't have to be tense or nervous, Cecil-kun," Natsuki assured Cecil, giving him the smile that reflected his own pure, warm heart, the smile that never failed to comfort Cecil even during the toughest times. "Ren-kun told us about how you've been and we wanted to make sure that you're okay."

Natsuki's emerald eyes glistened kindly behind his glasses under the fluorescent lamps.

"So let's all talk and smile lots and lots over our warm dinner, Cecil-kun!"

 _Natsuki..._ Cecil stared at Natsuki, a lump stuck in his throat. _How could you be so kind when I haven't even apologized for what I've done...? Why are you still being this warm?_ Slinging an arm around Natsuki, Reiji smiled at Cecil while Ai nodded, his teal eyes understanding. _Reiji-senpai and Ai-senpai too..._

Tears threatened to fall from Cecil's eyes as his friends' kindness shrouded his heart like a warm blanket.

_I... I just..._

Something smacked him hard on the head and he let out a yelp of pain.

"Oww!"

"Myu-chan!" Reiji exclaimed.

"Will you quit the unnecessary daydreaming, Aijima?"

Camus' stern voice entered Cecil's ears. His eyes widening as he rubbed his head, Cecil turned to face Camus, who was standing behind him with his sceptre in his hands, his ice-blue eyes matching his voice and piercing right into Cecil's own.

"We are here in a cordial gathering, not an interrogation room," Camus continued, his voice sonorous. "So do be at your utmost appropriate behaviour befitting the occasion and that includes tossing away that frantic expression that was present earlier."

"I don't see how he's not supposed to be frantic when his own senpai's hitting him with some useless cane," Ranmaru remarked with his arms crossed behind his head and Ai facepalmed as Camus glared at the silver-haired male. "But even as the worst senpai out of the whole lot of us, somehow the ice prick actually brought up a decent point."

Ranmaru patted Cecil on the shoulder and gave him a lopsided grin.

"As much as that sugar addict's being all frosty and stuff, it doesn't mean he doesn't want the same as the rest of us. You ain't bein' judged here, so go ahead and enjoy yourself, Cecil. A dinner ain't lively when one person's unhappy, after all."

Camus grunted and Cecil stared at both him and Ranmaru for a few moments, not at all expecting them of all five of the people whom he had wronged to actually care. But then again, Ranmaru had been the one who had bluntly but kindly talked sense into him and Otoya back in the opening round and Camus had earnestly taught him despite being harsh nearly all the time. Finally, with a genuine smile, Cecil nodded at everyone, letting his heart be at ease.

"Yep, let's all have a fantastic, lively dinner together!"

As Camus and Ai nodded and Ren, Natsuki and Reiji smiled, Ranmaru patted his back with a grin. Ai then proceeded to take the tablet from underneath the long table and inputted the new orders on behalf of everyone who had just arrived. After Ai was done, everyone proceeded to chat with one another, about their day, what they had been up to and so many other things between laughs and light teasing. Cecil and Ren asked Natsuki about his wounded arm - Shining had told them about the ambush in the forest and they had been horrified by what had happened - and were relieved when Natsuki told them that it was healing. In the middle of the dinner, with a bit of hesitation, stuttering and pauses, Cecil managed to properly apologize to Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru, confessing that what he had done wasn't fair or right, and all of them had accepted his apology wholeheartedly, with Natsuki giving Cecil a somewhat suffocating yet very warm hug.

_Thank you, Ren._

Cecil laughed as Ren pretended to flirt with Camus, only for the latter to nearly smack Ren on the head with his sceptre with Ranmaru howling with laughter. And he smiled as Reiji called out to everyone to gather around for a selfie, the brunet pulling Natsuki and Ai by the hands. The more he saw how much Natsuki, Reiji and Ai loved one another, the more he regretted how much he had tried to pry them apart from one another, but seeing them together... now made him warm on the inside.

 _Thank you for giving me a chance to make amends with Natsuki and all the senpais, for granting my wish for things to be warmer. For letting me happy. Now I just wish..._ he _can be happy too._

As Ren slung an arm around him and Reiji held out his green cellphone for their group shot, Cecil saw the red curtains ripple faintly in the room and he hid a harrowing sadness in his heart.

_I wish you were here too, Otoya._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Now that all five of you have completed your Round 2 work, exceptionally, may I add, I believe that it is time to discuss with you a number of important matters."

Shining rested his chin on the back of his hands, his tone heavy with solemnity.

"Starting with the fatal incident at the forest last Monday."

Standing between Reiji and Ranmaru, Natsuki nodded slightly, lowering his eyes in pain. It was Saturday night. After completing and finalizing their three videos for the first part of their main unit project, Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus had gone to Shining's office to submit their results and request their boss' approval. Shining had watched all three videos in front of them and stared at them for a few tense moments of silence before shocking them with a burst of laughter and telling them that they had all exceeded expectations and created a project that was bound to be remembered, commending all of them for their performances, both regarding skill and the conveyance of emotions.

But after a few minutes of celebration between everyone, with the sharing of smiles, hugs and brofists, Shining had told them to stay in the office and shifted the atmosphere to a more serious one. So while Shining sat at his office desk, Camus, Ai, Reiji, Natsuki and Ranmaru stood beside one another in one row, waiting to hear what the head of their agency wanted to say. A hand rubbed Natsuki on the back gently and he turned to Reiji, who flashed him a reassuring smile, reminding him, "You're not alone, just like before." And Natsuki smiled back before they faced Shining again.

"I am certain that all of you have been in contact with the child victim of the assault, Eli Kizuna, especially you, Mr Shinomiya."

Shining faced Natsuki, his eyes filled with thoughtfulness.

"How is the young boy coping?"

"Eli-kun is still in pain," Natsuki answered, his heart clenching in his chest. "When we talked with him today, he told us that he still has nightmares from the incidents. But he also said that his nightmares aren't as bad as they were at first and that he can sleep better while listening to songs that calm him down. And at least for a few years, he won't need to see Nobu or Gin again, and when he does, we'll all be there for him."

Natsuki smiled faintly as Camus and Ai nodded, Reiji smiled and Ranmaru grinned.

"He's still in pain, but he is healing too, Shining-sensei."

Even with their busy schedules throughout the week of working on their main unit project, the five of them all managed to text and hang out with Eli everyday. Today they had spent a few hours with the little boy at the forest, playing with the rabbits, birds and butterflies, chatting and taking turns playing songs from their cellphones. They had all gotten the news that while most of the boys who had been involved in the forest attack got probation and community service, Gin and Nobu Kageda had been sent to juvenile detention for their actions. So even though Gin and Nobu would be released in a number of years, for now, Eli did not have to worry about them going anywhere near him, let alone hurting him, and the thought that his friend could be at peace warmed Natsuki's heart.

"That's splendid to hear, Mr Shinomiya." Shining nodded with a smile. "What about the forest animals?"

"The five of us, as well as Eli, paid them a visit in the afternoon," Ai replied. "Their physical injuries are still visible and before realizing that it was us, a number of them were wary due to the recollection of the assault on Monday. However, like Eli, they are gradually recovering and are clearly attempting to overcome what had happened in the past."

"Yeah!" Reiji agreed with a bright smile, half-hugging both Ai and Natsuki. "They were really eager to forget about it and have fun when we came to check on them! Like when a couple of the birdies decided to sing while sitting on top of Myu-chan's head!"

"That was freaking hilarious, alright!" Guffawing, Ranmaru smirked as Camus glared at him and a laughing Reiji. "I was dying with laughter when they wouldn't leave the ice prick's head no matter how much he commanded for them to get off. It would have been a cherry on top of the icing if only one of them suddenly laid an egg up there!"

"I would rather not have insolent, incessant mammals sit, let alone reproduce, on top of my head," Camus remarked, scowling at both Ranmaru and Reiji as Natsuki chuckled and Ai facepalmed. "If you two are bold enough to resume with this disgraceful conversation, might I suggest to order Alexander to bite you back to your inane senses when we get back?"

"I believe that we are completely off-topic..."

"But that'll be painful, Myu-chan-senpai!"

"That is the point, Shinomiya."

"That's on Reiji, not me, you sugar addict!"

"What? Hey! You can't blame me-"

"I was going to ask how it was working with one another in your main unit, but it's vivid to me that it was a total blast!" Shining's guffaw interrupted the five of them and they shifted their attention back to the head of their agency, only to find a wide grin spread across his face. "And that unique, powerful and entertaining chemistry wonderfully showed in all of your videos and photos! As long as this keeps up, I am very sure that the five of you will only soar to greater heights together, which is the whole point of the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project! To soar while strengthening the bonds that tie you to one another! So in terms of your chemistry, I have nothing but praise for you all!"

"Thank you, Shining-san!" Reiji thanked Shining with a bright smile as Natsuki beamed and Ai smiled faintly. Ranmaru scratched the back of his neck with a grin while Camus smiled, and Shining smiled widely and nodded before speaking again.

"And now I would like to discuss about you, Mr Shinomiya."

Natsuki's eyes widened in mild surprise. "... about me?"

"Indeed, Mr Shinomiya." Shining nodded, his expression now grim. "As horrifying as the assault at the forest was, your past ended up being dragged into the situation by Gin Kageda." Worry filled Reiji's grey eyes as the memory twisted through Natsuki's heart like a blunt knife. "And because Kageda did so, the pain of what you fail to remember ended up rising to the surface and I could see you suffer throughout your own ordeal alongside what was already worrying you in regards to the forest and your own self. And that pain, Mr Shinomiya, is a symptom of a condition that you have been suffering from along with your Gemini Syndrome."

Shining paused for a few suffocating moments as Natsuki's heart clenched in his chest.

"You suffer from PTSD - post-traumatic stress disorder, which, I believe, is directly connected to your Gemini Syndrome."

"PTSD..."

Natsuki nodded slightly and lowered his eyes as Reiji wrapped an arm around him gently.

"I know, sensei..."

Pain etched his chest like a knife through glass as he uttered the words in a nearly-inaudible voice.

"Ai-chan thought so too."

_"There is a 95% probability that you are suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, its abbreviation being PTSD."_

Ai had expressed his suspicions regarding Natsuki's condition on the night Natsuki woke up after collapsing during the opening round of the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project. The two of them and Reiji had been sitting on the bench by the lake, sipping their lukewarm tea under the cold, white moonlight, when Ai brought up the suggestion that he had contemplated over: the possibility that along with Natsuki's Gemini Syndrome, he suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder.

"Post-traumatic stress disorder is defined as a mental health condition that is developed from a traumatic event, by experiencing or being a witness to that particular event," Ai explained, his voice quiet. "The physical and emotional pain that you suffer from due to memories that you fail to fathom and remember, the very fact that those memories are repressed in your own head... They are a number of symptoms that overlap with PTSD, which I believe you have been suffering from, Natsuki."

Ai placed a hand on his shoulder, his teal eyes sheening with concern under the pale moonlight.

"If the memories are returned to you at the wrong time, especially without any form of warning or restraint, there is a high probability that they will emotionally break you again, precisely like they had done in the past, straining both your heart and your mind. I believe that that is the main reason why Satsuki panicked. Because he was absolutely sure that that would be the case, and I agree with him."

His lips curved into a painful smile as he held Natsuki even tighter and Reiji pulled the latter into a gentle hug.

"And precisely like him... both Reiji and I... would never want you to undergo such an undeserved, excruciating circumstance, Natsuki."

Now Ai smiled the same sorrowful smile as Camus' ice-blue eyes softened with understanding and Ranmaru gave Natsuki a concerned look. Just like his friends, he did not want it to happen either, especially since his pain... was and would always theirs too Nodding with a look that said that he understood, Shining heaved a sigh and spoke again, his voice lowered.

"From the events of the opening round and the aftermath of the assault at the forest, I see that you have been slowly regaining some of the memories that you have forgotten the existence of," Shining continued, his tone as serious as before. "Memories that you fail to understand the meaning of, memories that bring you pain and sadness, memories that give you warmth, memories of an instrument that you once played with all your heart and yet are unable to touch without breaking on the inside... Memories that were all repressed because of an event or chain of events that had caused you unspeakable trauma as a primary school boy, back when you were still playing the violin..."

Shining looked Natsuki in the eye.

"Because of something so traumatic that an alter ego was even born from your pain."

 _Sacchan_ , Natsuki thought, remembering how much pain had laced his alter ego Satsuki's voice when Natsuki was on the verge of collapsing from the memories, blaming himself for what was happening. The alter ego who had hurt yet protected him, the alter ego who had become his friend.

The alter ego who cared so much... that he did not want to let Natsuki remember if it would only shatter him at the end.

"I could use hypnosis to bring all your repressed memories to the surface for you to remember," Shining told him. "However, taking into account every event that has led up to this very moment along with Satsuki's words regarding your condition, there is a high risk that you will not be able to handle it if I do so. And from what you, Mr Kotobuki, Mr Mikaze, Mr Camus and Mr Kurosaki described to me regarding the memories that you have recovered, I know for a fact that the very core of the problem, the incident that started everything in the first place, has yet to unveil itself -far from it - and is more painful that you can imagine. And even before you finally remember exactly what happened to you, you will slowly recall more memories along the way, and they will hold even more pain than you are already suffering as we speak."

Shining placed his chin on the back of his hands, his eyes never leaving Natsuki even for a second.

"There will be only more pain the more you move forward, the more you remember and live. So the question is, Mr Shinomiya, will you be able to bear it? As the memories continue to come, as you approach the day you remember exactly what happened..."

His voice was contemplative and solemn at the same time, quiet and unhurried.

"... will you be able to handle it and endure the pain that will come with it?"

Behind Shining and his desk were tall, glass windows through which Natsuki could see the endless night sky. Thousands of white, incandescent stars illuminated the sky like a pathless sea, their lights scattered and blinking in a pitch, unfathomable darkness in the presence of a still, crescent moon. Just like the stars themselves, bright memories flowed and illumined Natsuki's head and he thought of how he had cried in Reiji and Ai's arms underneath a brightly-illuminated sky, under white moonlight, overwhelmed by their emotions and his tears all at once, by what he could not understand or remember. How it was painful and warm like all the memories that he and his friends had shared with one another.

How he cherished every moment, no matter how much sadness and warmth they held... because he was with the people he loved and cared about the most.

So piecing the fragments of his thoughts and memories in his head, Natsuki let out a soft breath and facing Shining, he answered.

"There were times when I wasn't sure that I would be okay," Natsuki confessed quietly. "Times when I didn't know how to piece my own self back together. Times when everything was so dark and painful that I felt like I was drowning and wouldn't be able to breathe. Times when I wished deeply to change and yet felt weak to the point that I didn't know if I could ever be stronger, even for the people I love the most. And there were tears, sadness, grief, fear and anguish, sometimes all at once, and it made me feel like I would shatter into pieces that I could not put back together."

As he spoke earnestly, Natsuki felt his hands and shoulders quiver a little, but he took a deep breath and let himself continue.

"But despite all of it... I'm still okay."

Natsuki placed a hand on his chest.

"Even when it was too painful for me to bear on my own, even when the sadness threatened to tear me apart... I still made it. I still managed to smile genuinely at the end. And that's because... I'm not alone. Because I'm not alone anymore. Because I do not have to smile when I want to cry. Because tears do not mean that I'm weak. Because this pain and sadness will never be enough to overshadow the colours and warmth in my heart. And all of it is because of them."

He looked around at Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus and gave them an earnest, gentle smile.

"Because they love and care about me, regardless of anything. Because we got to share everything - our tears, colours, emotions and memories - together, even when it hurt so much. That's why I know that even though there will be more pain as I move forward, even though I will cry at times... I will be alright at the end. I trust you and Sacchan when you told me that I am not ready to remember everything yet, but I know that someday I'll have the strength to do so..."

Natsuki smiled sincerely, both on the outside and in his heart.

"... and that, too, is because of them, Shining-sensei."

"And Nattsun will not ever be alone, Shiny-san."

Placing a hand on Natsuki's shoulder, Reiji turned to him and smiled warmly at him.

"We are never leaving Nattsun. The four of us - Ai-Ai, Myu-chan, Ran-Ran and I - will always be right next to him, smiling when he smiles, crying when his tears fall, taking him by the hand and pulling him with us, the five of us walking with one another even when the times may be all blurs of pain and sorrow. That's never gonna change, no matter what happens."

Camus and Ai smiled sincerely as Ranmaru propped an elbow on Natsuki's shoulder with a grin. His grey eyes glowing with pure warmth, Reiji gave Natsuki's shoulder a tight squeeze and smiled.

"He is our euphoria, the kind that will never disappear, and that'll never change."

His friends' smiles and words enveloped Natsuki's heart with pure warmth, tugging his heartstrings deeply. Natsuki beamed brightly at all four of them and he and Reiji then pulled Ranmaru, Camus and Ai into a big, warm group hug. While Ai hugged Natsuki back, Ranmaru and Camus let out yells of protest which made both Reiji and Natsuki laugh as they refused to let go.

"I know that it's a happy moment and all, but you two didn't have to glomp us all into a hug! And why am I being pressed onto the ice prick?"

"Because hugs are warm and make us all happy, Maru-chan-senpai!"

"We know that you're enjoying yourself too, Ran-Ran! You too, Myu-chan!"

"Please do not make baseless assumptions about my emotions, Kotobuki, and cease this behaviour at once!"

"In moments such as these, Ranmaru and Camus' protests can be quite amusing to listen to."

"Don't encourage them, Ai!"

"And there is the answer that I was looking for!"

All five of them pulled away from the hug and found Shining beaming at all of them.

"That's how I know that you'll be able to handle what happens next as you move forward. Togetherness, friendship, love, empathy, selflessness... All those qualities are precisely what defines true strength, everyone! Believing in one another, understanding one another and being there for one another... That's how the five of you can move forward without leaving anyone behind, regardless how painful the road may be."

Shining looked straight at Natsuki and his smile broadened.

"So just as you are now, carry on and live, Mr Shinomiya."

Beaming, Reiji glomped Natsuki into a tight hug as Ai placed a hand on Natsuki's shoulder. As Camus nodded and Ranmaru grinned, Natsuki looked straight at Shining and smiled genuinely with a resolute nod and unwavering emotions.

"I will, Shining-sensei."

Otoya Ittoki

_It's all an act._

With his red headphones on, Otoya wordlessly watched his main unit's music video play on his laptop, the music dynamic and filled with electronic guitar rifts, his heart dormant despite the fact that his usual self would have felt his heart jittering with excitement as the scenes unfolded themselves if things were not like this, if they were all still smiling together.

_Everything._

He, Syo, Cecil, Ren, Masato and Tokiya had completed and finalized their music video. Now all they had to do was see Shining at his office tomorrow morning and gain his approval for it to be the first part of their long, main unit project. He observed as Masato and Syo laughed at something that Tokiya said and how the scene flashed over to the part where Ren, Otoya and Cecil were walking together on the way to a party, laughing and smiling together. In the music video, the six of them, separated into their sub-units, were headed for the same party where they would sing the song that they had come up with. While Tokiya, Masato and Syo had the role of the more cool and collected group, Otoya, Cecil and Ren acted as the more easygoing and relaxed group. The teaser that they had all posted on their social media accounts had wowed and blown away all the fans, with thousands of comments about the group's coolness and the fans' excitement for the whole video.

But what the fans had no idea about was how insincere the happiness that all of them had displayed in the video was.

_It's all fake._

The six of them were having a blast at the party, singing, dancing and having cups of soda together in the video, but in real life, while Otoya was sitting on his bed on his own, Syo had gone out to watch a movie alone, Masato was sitting in front of the grand piano, Tokiya was in his shared bedroom, and Ren and Cecil were at an Italian restaurant. Syo and Cecil had harmonized together and shared a high-five in the video, but in real life, they still barely talked and had yet to put their argument behind them. Masato and Tokiya exchanged smiles with each other and everyone else on screen, but in real life, neither of them was happy about the current situation and both were anticipating the bombardment of questions from fans in regards to why there were only six of them in this group. And Otoya knew that neither Ren nor Cecil wanted to go along with the plans to try and bring Natsuki back. He could tell by the way the two were careful to close the door whenever they talked to each other in private and how they never said "yes" or agreed to do anything to pry Natsuki away from Reiji and Ai.

_We used to be happy together._

As he blankly stared at the screen, memories of all of STARISH rehearsing "Maji Love 2000%" and other songs together in the practice room with occasional bickers and yet countless jokes, laughter and smiles filled his head and he felt his own body tremble.

_All of us. Including you, Natsuki._

Otoya remembered how Natsuki had hugged him after performing their duet "Emotional Life" onstage for the first time, and clenched his fists.

_So why... are you doing this?_

The bright memories dissolved into darkness, only to be replaced by their latest, cold reality: Syo banging his fist against the wall in frustration, Tokiya and Masato sighing heavily, Ren and Cecil barely talking in the discussions to be a seven-man group again, Otoya shutting himself in his shared bedroom,

and Natsuki never coming back.

 _Why..._ Otoya squeezed his eyes shut, gritting his teeth, _are you taking everything away?_

Otoya remembered the day Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus posted the photos for their Round 2 work on social media. He remembered how much their photos had brimmed with pure happiness, light and friendship. Otoya remembered the cold, painful emotions that had rose inside his chest like a thick, white fog, threatening to smother him alive, especially when he saw the pictures of Natsuki, Reiji and Ai's sub-unit and the photos of the five of them together. He saw how Natsuki had smiled brightly in each and every shot with his friends, reflecting the sincere joy in his heart, and seeing all of it had made Otoya feel hollow, like there was this large hole in his heart.

"I hate it..." he muttered under his breath, a lump in his throat. "I hate this so much. Why... Why can't you stop? Why can't you just come back...? Syo and the others can't go on like this. I can't go on like this. End... This needs to end..."

Slowly opening his eyes, Otoya pulled his red earphones off and walked towards the door, next to which was the small light switch. Otoya clenched his fists even tighter and shut the lights off, letting the room be encased in pitch darkness, speaking in a low, hollow voice.

"And... I'll end it."

Reiji Kotobuki

"I do not see what is amusing about this."

"Oh, Ai-Ai!" Reiji laughed as Ai stared at the television. "There's plenty to laugh at. The jokes, the way they're speaking and stressing one another out with their plans, how much of a disaster they make when they try to fix things... this comedy's gold!"

Ai shook his head and Reiji laughed again. It was Saturday night. While Camus and Ranmaru had gone to bed - the latter "reluctantly" borrowing Natsuki's adorable kitten plushie for the night - Natsuki, Ai and Reiji were hanging out in the latter's room, watching a comedic anime together. Pressing his star plushie against his chest, Reiji grinned as the characters tried to come up with a plan to help one of them overcome his fear of fire, knowing that it was bound to go haywire in no time. What made it even more hilarious was how much the characters reminded Reiji of Ranmaru and Camus, of how those two went at each other's throats on a daily basis and yet survived at the end.

"Their absurdity is reaching new heights of ridiculousness." Ai facepalmed as the characters on the screen yelled at each other. "That is saying much considering how ridiculous you tend to behave on a regular basis."

"Ouchie! That's harsh, Ai-Ai! Nattsun, Ai-Ai is-"

Reiji stopped when he saw Natsuki, who sat on his left, laying against the bedhead, sleeping soundly. With his lower body under the viridian quilt, Natsuki was snuggled in his spot, hugging his dolphin plushie tightly with his eyes closed and a peaceful, innocent smile on his face. Letting out a few chuckles, Reiji tousled his best friend's wavy blond hair and looked at Ai, who had paused the anime and was gazing down at Natsuki.

"Looks like our sweet, dear Nattsun fell asleep mid-way through the episode. He must be really worn out."

Reiji smiled gently.

"Let's tuck him in and keep him warm, Ai-Ai."

Ai nodded with a soft smile and walked over to Natsuki's side of the bed as Reiji shut off the television and switched on the night lamp. After Ai pulled down the quilt, he and Reiji slowly carried Natsuki a little and gently laid him down on the left side of the bed and his head on his pillow. Just as Ai pulled the quilt up to tuck Natsuki in and Reiji tousled their best friend's blond hair, Natsuki shifted to his right and wrapped his arms around Reiji, causing the latter's eyes to widen a little.

"H... Hug..."

With a sweet smile on his face, Natsuki squeezed Reiji gently, mumbling in his sleep.

"So... huggable... and... warm..."

"Oh, Nattsun..." Reiji's lips curved into a fond smile as Ai's expression softened. "You're still being so cute even when you're fast asleep..." He adjusted himself into a more comfortable position and Natsuki nestled his head against his shoulder, causing Reiji to chuckle again. "Say, Ai-Ai, has Nattsun always been like this in his sleep back in the dorms?"

"If you are referring to the hugging in his sleep, I was rarely in a close-enough proximity for him to hug me," Ai answered. "However, he did smile and talk in his sleep while cuddling with his stuffed animals and plushies. I sometimes saw him talking to his plushies to doze off."

Ai let out a soft laugh.

"I found it quite unusual, but at the same time, I have to admit that it is quite an innocuous sight to watch."

"Aww! He's so, so precious!" Reiji exclaimed in a half-whisper, beaming. "I can betcha that if we bring it up tomorrow morning, his face is gonna go all red and shy, just like Ran-Ran when he finally couldn't resist borrowing the kitten plushie from Nattsun! Let's be sure to give Nattsun a big, big hug when he wakes up tomorrow!"

Ai nodded with a faint smile and Natsuki mumbled, "... love... hugs..." causing Reiji's heart to melt even more.

"And I know! How about we wake Myu-chan and Ran-Ran with hugs tomorrow?"

"If you do not mind being knocked unconscious by the slamming of a sceptre or a blow from a fist, you may go on ahead with the idea. Alone, that is."

"Wha- Hey! Don't let me go on ahead with this myself, Ai-Ai! We're in this together!"

"We cooperate in numerous things, but not your absurd, detrimental plans, Reiji. And as his friend and mentor, I will be sure to prevent Natsuki from getting himself involved in your cataclysmic schemes as well."

"No way! I'm not doing this without-"

"L... Love..."

Natsuki's soft mutter interrupted Reiji's protest. Reiji and Ai turned to Natsuki, whose head tilted down a bit as his eyes squeezed shut a little tighter.

"I... love... them... and I... I... just... want... to protect them."

His lips quietly eased into a kind smile.

"Please... let me... protect them."

A small tear peeked out of Natsuki's left eye and slowly rolled down his cheek as he wrapped his arms around Reiji even tighter. With a lump in his throat, Reiji's lips curved into a sorrowful smile and he tousled Natsuki's soft hair gently, hoping that his heart could somehow feel it and be at at least a little more ease. He remembered all those times when he and Ai watched Natsuki fast asleep, wishing that his heart could be as peaceful and painless as his innocent expression looked. And now as he and Ai watched over their dear closest friend with wistful smiles, Reiji promised himself that first thing in the morning tomorrow, he would walk over to Natsuki and give him a big, warm and long bear hug.

Because seeing their dear friend like this... was precious and heartbreaking at the same time,and it made Reiji want to just hold and hug him tight and tell him that they would always love and protect one another.

"Reiji."

"Yes, Ai-Ai?" Reiji asked, shifting his eyes over to Ai.

Ai's eyes were glimmering with an unspoken sentimentality. "Do you remember 'Euphoria'? The song that Natsuki first played for us at the forest."

The beautiful yet broken melody pierced through Reiji's heart like shattered glass and he smiled painfully. "How could any of us ever forget, Ai-Ai? That song is just too heartbreaking to forget."

_"It's a place where you could always smile or laugh or cry tears of joy, where you weren't hurt by anything or anyone. But... it's terrifying. So, so terrifying."_

"So was... what he said about that emotion."

Ai gave him a quiet nod. "Do you recall Natsuki's solo shot for our sub-unit?"

"Could never forget that either." Reiji took his cellphone from the bedside table and opened his gallery. "That was one of the most breathtakingly sentimental and beautiful photos I've ever seen. Nattsun's conveyance of emotions plus Tamaki-san's photographic skills was genius. Why do you ask, though, Ai-Ai?"

"As I have said before, Natsuki deviates considerably from my data," Ai told Reiji. "It is extremely difficult and impossible to predict his actions and thoughts because of it, making him quite an enigma to solve numerous of times. Like you said, that photo was a work of art - the way that Natsuki expressed his emotions in that photograph was heartwarming; there were even fans in social media who shed tears when they saw that photo. At one point in time, after Tamaki-san showed us the end-product, I asked Natsuki what had run across his mind when he was doing that photoshoot."

"What did he say?" Reiji asked, knowing that it had to be something deep to be able to convey such sincere emotions. But his heart wrenched when he saw Ai's lips curve into a sad smile.

"Natsuki... he..."

Ai shook his head, his voice quiet.

"He told me that 'Euphoria' wouldn't stop playing in his head along with his memories of us, Ranmaru, Camus and Eli. And as Tamaki went on with the photo shoot, it took all of Natsuki's strength to not cry as he whispered to himself in his head, 'I'm not alone. I won't ever be alone again.'"

He lowered his eyes down to a sleeping Natsuki.

"... 'I want them... to always be happy.'"

_"That's why... this song is called 'Euphoria', pieced together amidst broken words that aren't enough alone in my head, woven together with a painful hope that it brings at least a little bit of clarity no matter how painful it may be... that what has been forgotten can someday be the reason the forget-me-not flower inside my heart blooms a little bit more."_

His heart aching in his chest, Reiji delicately curled a hand on Natsuki's shoulder and saw the remains of the tear that had rolled down the kind-hearted blond's cheek. In his solo shot, Natsuki was laying on clusters of pink, yellow, orange and white flowers in the bright sunshine, staring up at the treetops from which red and orange leaves and white petals fell. He wore a simple white T-shirt, a navy-blue sweater with a white butterfly imprint, dark blue jeans and white sneakers, and everyone had agreed to keep the white gauze that concealed his stab wound as it was, deciding to incorporate it into their storyline. Tamaki had climbed up a stepladder and positioned his camera downwards to get the best angle of Natsuki laying down on the ground and staring past the camera's lens. With a white rabbit snuggling up to him and a few canaries nudging his hair, Natsuki held his viola in his left hand and the bow in his right hand that was positioned over his chest. And his expression... was a quiet, serene smile that was somehow hued with an equally-silent sadness, conveyed by both his eyes and his lips, as the wind caressed his fluffy hair and loose clothes.

 _You weren't just conveying those emotions..._ Reiji muttered in his head as Ai's downcast eyes remained on Natsuki. _You felt those emotions. You were those emotions. Love, sentimentality, heartbreak, fear, pain..._

He remembered how tightly Natsuki had hugged him after that solo shoot was done, squeezing him and as Reiji commended him for his performance, said with a smile that if Reiji was happy, he was too.

_You were all of it at once._

"But... he told me that he believed it."

Reiji looked up at Ai and found a small smile on the teal-haired boy's face.

"That we were with him. That we would always be together. That the five of us would be happy as long as we were together. That he would never be alone as we were with him. As much as his thoughts and words and their earnestness often take me by surprise..."

Ai's teal eyes softened.

"... it's their simplicity and sincerity that make me smile, and I do not ever want that part of him to change."

"It won't."

Reiji smiled sincerely and wrapped an arm around the sleeping Natsuki.

"That won't ever disappear, Ai-Ai, just like our euphoria and friendship won't, just like how all of us will never disappear on one another."

_"Will it come true? Will it have an effect?_

_I'll live only for you_

_The voice of this vow to my dearest person"_

\- "Itoshiki Hito e", by Reiji Kotobuki (Showtaro Morikubo)


	30. Red Herring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Violence

Satsuki Shinomiya

"Reiji, you look shorter than normal in these photos."

"What do you mean I look shorter?" Reiji protested as Natsuki tilted his head in confusion and Camus snorted. "I look just the same, Ran-Ran! Tall, normal Kotobuki Reiji!"

"Not exactly," Ai remarked, looking down at the photos that had been chosen for the magazine that the five of them would be featured in. "I have to agree with Ranmaru. As the shortest, your height is even more diminished than in the QUARTET NIGHT photos as Natsuki is the tallest among us and is in the photos as well. Natsuki being 2 cm taller than Camus, and therefore, 13 cm taller than you, Reiji, made quite a significant impact."

"In other words, you look more like a dwarf than you already did."

"Hey! It's not that I'm short! It's that all of you are way taller than the average height! And if I look shorter, don't all of you do too since Nattsun's the tallest?"

"Not as obvious as you."

"You're such a meanie!"

Satsuki could not help but snicker under his breath as he watched the nonsensical conversation carry on, with a particular brown-haired clown complaining. The day had buzzed with quite the amount of work for those five. When their three videos for the first part of their main unit project were released to the world, they had gone completely viral. Ever since then, the five of them received countless demands and requests for photo shoots, interviews, guest star appearances and performances, almost all of which involved all five of them. Satsuki couldn't be happier for Natsuki as he watched the latter sit with Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus by his favourite river, drinking bubble tea from their most frequently-visited cafe and chatting happily after a long morning and afternoon of doing idol work together.

"It's okay, Rei-chan-senpai!" Natsuki assured Reiji with a bright smile, wrapping his arm around the brunet. "I can lift you up the next time we take pictures together so that you look taller!"

"No, no, no, Nattsun!" Reiji shook his head rapidly as Ranmaru burst out laughing. At this point, Satsuki couldn't help but let out a laugh as well. "I know you're trying to help, but that'll actually make big bro Rei-chan look shorter!"

"Ehh, it will?"

"You bet it will!"

"But speaking of bets, you can bet I'm still freaking mad at that one interviewer from earlier," Ranmaru commented with a dark scowl. "Joking about Natsuki's stab wound and about how Natsuki probably got kicked out of STARISH due to not being up to par with the rest of 'em. If that wasn't live, I'd beat him by now!"

Oh, Satsuki wanted nothing more but to beat that punk to a freaking pulp, just like how he, with sheer abomination, wished to punch the living daylights out of those two lowlifes who had caused that stab wound in the first place as well as tormented Natsuki for what he could not even remember - thank God that those two were locked in the freaking slammer or Satsuki might have hunted them down personally. Because even though Natsuki had to hide it in the interview, he was hurt, and Satsuki, as well as all the senpais, knew that.

"His choice of statements were unarguably atrocious," Camus remarked coldly, his eyes narrowed as Ai quietly shook his head at the memory. "There were a plethora of other interviewers who also asked about the groupings, but they were drastically more cordial than that peasant was."

"But what matters is that we handled it just fine," Reiji chimed in with a reassuring smile, wrapping his arms around Ai and Natsuki. "When one of us gets made fun of, you betcha the rest of us are gonna jump right in and end it there and then!" He turned to Natsuki and beamed. "And see? Nattsun's smiling so happily now! So no worries here!"

"Yeap!" Natsuki agreed, hugging Reiji and Ai with a genuine smile directed at all of them.

Satsuki could not help but feel himself soften at the sight of Natsuki being so happy with the senpais. Satsuki had initially hated all the senpais for not being there for Natsuki and not caring enough when the latter needed them the most, but now he just could not hate the idea of the five of them getting closer to one another. Because as much as Satsuki could never say it out loud... he knew that all the senpais did care about Natsuki earnestly, just like Natsuki cared about them.

During that sorry-excuse-of-an-interview, the moment Natsuki was mocked about him being in a group with the seniors, he had answered briefly and resolutely that it was where he wanted to be, which had taken aback the scum as he probably did not think that Natsuki could be that serious, but things definitely did not end there. Camus had fired a sarcastic and scathing remark right at that moron while Reiji and Ai had explicitly told the interviewer to stop harassing Natsuki with intimidatingly serious looks and tones. And the most satisfying part to Satsuki was backstage when Ranmaru yanked that moron by the tie and threatened to punch him if he ever pulled something like that ever again before the latter was held back by Reiji and Natsuki. And it was not only then when Satsuki had observed the five of them very closely. He had seen how gently and delicately Reiji and Ai had tucked Natsuki, who had fallen asleep, into bed, how Ranmaru ignited back Natsuki's passion for cooking, how Camus had taught Natsuki how to be composed and calm when confronted by mockery and painful questions in interviews. And the five of them spent immeasurable time with one another, chatting, laughing, getting ice-cream and milk tea and going to the forest, river place and other places, performing together - simply, being _there_ for one another.

But what made Satsuki the happiest... was how much Natsuki had grown. He was not just someone who needed to be protected, but someone who did protect those dearest to him, as well as himself. Satsuki had gotten more and more proud of him throughout the days of watching him, getting warmer while seeing Natsuki take Ai to the meadows to help the latter forgive himself, go up on the Ferris Wheel with Reiji and hold the broken brunet in his arms, face his own cooking abilities and passion with Ranmaru, let all four of them help out when he was injured after saving Eli and Ai, and so much more... And Natsuki, with that kind, unwavering smile, even forgave Satsuki for hurting him and accepted him as he was.

_Warmer..._

Satsuki closed his eyes as Natsuki's cheerful laughter rang throughout the air, blending along with Reiji and Ranmaru's and the splashing of the river's water.

_You're getting warmer, Natsuki._

"Guys..."

Natsuki's quieter voice made Satsuki open his eyes and he found the kind-hearted blond looking out at the river shimmering under the glowing sky dyed in pink, yellow and orange colours with his plastic cup of rose milk tea in his hands, his green eyes glimmering with sentimentality.

"Do you think... Sacchan is smiling now?"

Satsuki gasped as his eyes dilated at Natsuki's silent, earnest words and the kind, gentle smile curving on the latter's face. "Natsuki..." he uttered under his breath, clenching his fists. To think that Natsuki did not just forgive and accept him, but also cared that much about him and treated him like a dear friend... that was just... hard for Satsuki to swallow, even with how hardened he knew his own soul was after seeing how much Natsuki had suffered over the years.

"I'm sure he is, Nattsun."

Reiji bear-hugged Natsuki from behind with a genuine smile.

"More than anything, Satsuki wanted to protect you and wanted you to be happy and strong for your own sake," Reiji told Natsuki, tightening his arms around him as Ai smiled. "That's what I believe he felt when he fought me, Ai-Ai, Ran-chan and Myu-chan back then, even though not everything he said was right. And you're happy, aren't you?"

Natsuki beamed with a resolute nod and Reiji ruffled his hair with a laugh as Ranmaru grinned and Camus nodded with a small smile.

"Exactly! And you're stronger - much, much stronger than before - and that's what Satsuki wanted the most. So I'm sure he's smiling as he's watching over ya right at this very moment."

 _You little-_ Satsuki mentally cursed Reiji for being that accurate and laying his personal feelings bare just like that. But then Satsuki could not exactly punch Reiji in the face for that when that clown had always been serious about looking out for Natsuki. And watching Natsuki laugh as Reiji and Ranmaru started tickling him with Ai and Camus watching in amusement made a slight smile form on Satsuki's face.

_Your smiles glow even brighter now, just like your eyes and heart. Even though I hated all of them, especially that android, at first, Natsuki... you grew so much more in these last two months with those seniors than you did during your two years with the rest of STARISH... Slowly, you're evolving, facing what you need to with open eyes and an open heart and mind, knowing you're not alone, knowing you'll be okay._

Satsuki closed his eyes.

_But... you're also gettin' closer and closer, just like that old man had warned ya._

The sleeping, suppressed memories of the person that he had been protecting all these years reverberated and shattered throughout Satsuki like broken glass and he gritted his teeth. What Natsuki had been forced to suffer through then... was utterly unforgivable - that would never change, no matter how many years passed, no matter how much pain would eventually fade away, no matter how much stronger Natsuki grew. The core truth would eventually come to life within Natsuki's mind and heart and Satsuki knew that even if Natsuki's heart was strong enough to take it, it would still bring him to tears. And even without that... Natsuki was already doing his best to overcome the sorrow that threatened to engulf him and blur his happiness away.

_Closer and closer, warmer and warmer... That old man was right. There will be more hardship and pain as you step forward, as you breathe and live on, and the time will come when you remember with tears in your eyes. You are burning with the strength and will to protect those who matter to you the most, with a kindness that only turned warmer and never wavered all these years no matter what others did to you..._

In Satsuki's own mind, he saw a younger, broken Natsuki clutching his head in a small room with scattered music sheets and shards of a broken mirror, crying on his own unable to piece himself together, and he lowered his eyes.

_I just don't want you... to end up disappearing into the dark, as bright as you are._

Otoya Ittoki

"I received your online payment. So to re-confirm, tomorrow afternoon at the address and floor you sent me and the guy in the photo?"

"Yes," Otoya confirmed in a lowered voice, stealing glances around him to make sure he was alone. "I'll give you the remainder of the promised payment once you're done. I'll know when you are."

"Gotcha. See ya."

"Yeah."

The person on the other end hung up and Otoya tightened his grip on his red cellphone. No one could find out about this - not even Tokiya, Syo or Masato. Leaning back against a sturdy tree trunk with brown and red autumn leaves, Otoya stared up at the sky, his own heartbeat loud and unsteady in his ears. That guy was to be the messenger. Otoya had told him exactly what to write and the handwriting to forge so that this could not be traced to either of them. Before this, Otoya had anonymously paid a number of interviewers to ask inappropriate, mocking questions to Natsuki during interviews that Otoya knew the blond and QUARTET NIGHT would be in, and watching the interviews, Otoya knew that his hired people had done exactly what he had paid them to do.

But it was not over. Not even close.

His face partially covered by the hood of his red jacket, Otoya clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. It was not like Otoya enjoyed doing this - not in the slightest bit. But Natsuki had given him no choice. If Natsuki was not going to willingly return to living with the rest of STARISH, then Otoya was going to throw everything at his face, sacrifice anything if he had to, to bring him back. Because _that_ sacrifice was what was needed if Otoya wanted STARISH to be whole again, not the broken, disjointed group that it had become thanks to Natsuki and Reiji and the other senpais. Gulping down a deep breath, Otoya felt his cellphone vibrate again and found more messages that he had to be sure were far, far away from being spotted by everyone, especially Shining, Natsuki and the senpais.

 _I'm doing this not just for myself, but for all of us._ His thoughts were rapid and blurred like a speeding river. _Because unlike you, I'm not just gonna stand by and let things be how they are. We aren't one because of you. We aren't smiling because of you. If you had just stayed, I wouldn't be doing any of this._

The cold wind howled in the thick, broken air and Otoya felt a lump in his throat, but held himself back as his heart throbbed uncontrollably.

_So I hope you have no clue what's coming, Natsuki. This... is our Round 2._

Reiji Kotobuki

Red herring.

A literary technique that intentionally led readers and viewers to the wrong conclusions and ideas, whether with foreshadowing or vague wordings. A literary technique twisted with deceit, cunning and unspoken lies, often utilized in the most stifling and darkest scenarios.

One... that Reiji had often resorted to in real life rather than in fictional plays.

"Before we try to reach a consensus on what this song will center around, I believe that we need to decide precisely what is to be revealed and what is to remain hidden in the next videos."

"Myu-chan-senpai is right," Natsuki agreed as Ranmaru crossed his arms. "We already hinted at what will happen next in our first concept photos and videos, but the fans may not notice the hints yet. We need to be careful to reveal bit by bit but not too much at once."

"We did agree that there will be more explicit hints of the more serious, tragic parts of the story in the teaser of the song that we are working on," Ai spoke, typing on his laptop. "However, I agree with Natsuki as well. If we reveal too much, especially about all five of us at once, the plot may be given away too easily and soon. For this round, how about we focus on one or two of us and then switch the focus during the next videos?"

"Sounds like a plan to me," Ranmaru remarked. "Now the question is who's going first."

"How about we read the storyline that we have come up with so far again?" Natsuki suggested.

"Good idea, Nattsun!"

Sitting beside Camus, Reiji scrolled down his cellphone, looking through their shared document of ideas. In their concept photos, all five of them had held an object or showed a symbol of something that would represent a tragedy in the later part of the story line of the project. Natsuki's was a viola and its bow while Ranmaru's was his bass. Ai's was his hand over his chest and a forget-me-not flower while Camus' was the fact that he was the one facing sideways the most, representing a half-sided, incomplete view of himself. And Reiji's... was his fedora. Reiji lowered his eyes down to the white fedora with a blue band that was settled down on his lap, remembering how much of a prop he had made it to hide his broken feelings.

 _Playing with the fedora... was my red herring_ , Reiji thought as he rubbed the top of the fedora a little and read the sentences on his phone screen. _Misleading the people around me to believe that I was feeling cheerful and happy when the truth was not that at all. Of course I would never admit to the public how similar the struggles of the character I am portraying in the project is to my own, but the truth is clear in my eyes._

He looked around at Camus, who was sipped his milk tea next to him, and Ranmaru, Ai and Natsuki, who sat across the two of them, and he could not help but smile a little.

_And I'm glad... the truth is clear to them too. That means everything._

"Personally, I would say at least one person between Natsuki, Reiji and Ai."

Ranmaru looked up from his crimson cellphone.

"Because your concept photos and scenes were more explicit in hinting at sadness behind happiness. Camus and mine were somewhat less obvious. At least, that's what I think. I mean, so many freaking cried seeing the photos of the three of you."

"I agree," Ai remarked, typing on his laptop. "However, in addition to that, I would choose to start with Natsuki and Reiji since based on data, their bright exteriors cause them to be the least suspected to conceal tragedies amongst their own selves and thus, beginning with them will bring the greatest impact."

"So it's either Rei-chan-senpai or me or the both of us," Natsuki summarized, his eyes thoughtful behind his black-framed glasses. "But in that case, now we need to agree on which part of us we will focus on since there are so many choices to pick from." He looked around at everyone. "In my opinion, I think it's too soon to reveal what the props in our concept photos actually mean. Maybe... we can go for another metaphor that is related but does not reveal the secrets yet?"

"I get what ya mean. But let's not go for too many props. Something else; maybe something that's already in the videos or will definitely have to be in them at some point."

"How about the landscape?" Reiji suggested with a smile, snapping his fingers. "The landscape can directly connect to the song and what we are trying to convey in this part, right?"

"True, but once again, we have multifarious options to choose from."

"Not exactly. Considering that the first area was the forest, we need to choose something that can be traced back to it. A place that can be sentimental and tragic at the same time."

"Hm... guess we'll have to figure out the plot as well right now."

"Yes, the place and the plot are directly associ-"

The sound of shattering pierced Reiji's ears like knives. His eyes dilating, Reiji whipped his head around, only for his heart to freeze when he found his window broken into a thousand pieces that laid scattered all over the floor.

_What just-_

"Natsuki!"

Ranmaru's yell made Reiji instantly swivel around, only for the eldest brunet's heart to break immediately. "Nattsun!" Natsuki's head was hung as he flinched, his eyes tight with pain as he clutched his wounded left arm, crimson blood leaking from the white gauze that was supposed to cover the stab wound from the forest incident. As Camus got up and walked briskly to the kitchen to get the first-aid kit and Ranmaru shot up and stormed over to the window, Reiji ran towards Natsuki, who was trembling in pain as Ai softly reassured him and carefully undid his gauze.

"Take a deep breath, Nattsun," Reiji spoke in a half-mutter, squeezing Natsuki's shoulder gently as his other hand wiped the blood off his arm. "Myu-chan's getting the first-aid kit. You'll be fine. The pain will pass, I promise."

But inside of him, Reiji was overwhelmed with worry. Worry and anger. And that only intensified like flames when his eyes fell upon the jagged rock next to Natsuki. _Who did this?_ And his heart cracked even more when he saw that the stab wound that had been gradually healing for the past days had only worsened due to the attack, blood flowing out of the open lesion. _How could anyone do this to Nattsun?_ As Camus returned with the first-aid kit and Ai began to disinfect Natsuki's wound, Reiji could hear Ranmaru swear at the top of his voice that was blazing with sheer fury.

"Whoever it is," Ranmaru shouted, "they're dead!"

Gritting his teeth, Reiji held Natsuki even tighter as Camus picked up the rock from the ground with a cold expression, not holding Ranmaru back as the latter cursed over and over again.

_No way are we letting this drop. No way are we letting whoever it is get away with hurting Nattsun._

"It appears that we have a message."

Camus spoke coldly, pulling a rolled parchment that had been taped to the rock. He unrolled it and narrowed his eyes.

"It's for Shinomiya."

"What does that lowlife want?" Ranmaru demanded with a curse as Camus held it out for everyone to see. Ai gently told a wincing Natsuki to not think about it for now and let him tend to his injury first, while Reiji, keeping his hand on his best friend's shoulder, started quietly reading along with Camus and Ranmaru.

And it took all of Reiji's strength to suppress his anger within his own self.

 _..._ what _?_

The message read:

_Natsuki Shinomiya._

_As you can tell from getting this piece of paper, I know very well where you live. I know where it hurts to be hit the most for you, who you are living with, who your closest friends are and so on and so forth. I know that you have abandoned your own band members and been getting closer and closer to QUARTET NIGHT, especially Reiji Kotobuki and Ai Mikaze. I know that you barely spend time with your band members anymore and amongst them, only talk to Ren Jinguji and Cecil Aijima. I know you are a coward who abandoned his friends just because things got a little rough between them, and I am sending this to you to set things straight._

_If you want to live out of my shadow, if you do not want to be hurt and bleed again, you need to go back to STARISH. And I do not just mean spending more time with them, but also living with them back in the dorms. And do not think that I will not know if you don't do what I say. I am constantly aware of what you're doing and who you're with. Unless you do as I say and return to those six best friends of yours like you should have a long, long time ago, more suffering is bound to come before you even realize it. So do me a favour and spare me the difficulty by packing your bags and going back before the big show with QUARTET NIGHT and the rest of STARISH._

_Remember, Natsuki Shinomiya, that I know you and will not hesitate to do what I must._

"Whoever this stalker thinks they are, we ain't budging, alright!"

Ranmaru shoved the note to Ai, who had just finished treating Natsuki's wound, and clenched his teeth in pure anger.

"They think they can control Natsuki? They think they are oh-so-righteous when they've got the whole abandoning thing wrong and are clearly messed up in the head? They think that they can laugh and get away with this? When I find out just who this moron is, they're freaking, freaking _dead_!"

"We need to contact Shining about this atrocity," Camus spoke, his voice as cold as ice as he crossed his arms and glared down at the shards of glass. "Do not expect me to be the slightest bit lenient when we discover precisely who the perpetrator is."

"Same goes for me." Ranmaru's tone was just as hard.

"We're locking all the doors and windows tonight," Reiji told everyone as Ai and Natsuki read the note. "And blocking that broken window with the hardest thing in this apartment. But if we can, I suggest we move until whoever is responsible for this has been caught." He felt Natsuki's shoulder quiver in his hand and tightened his hand on his best friend's shoulder as he felt his heart darken at whoever had hurt them. "Whoever this person thinks they are, whatever they think they are capable of, we're not letting them do even the slightest bit more damage. They already made Nattsun bleed and threatened him and we sure are _not_ going to forgive that easily."

Reiji was well aware of how cold his voice was, but he did not care. He was beyond angry - angrier than he had ever remembered being. The perpetrator had hurt his best friend and _that_ , of all things, was way past crossing the line. But he knew that everyone's anger was not what was most important. Doing his best to calm himself down, he turned to Natsuki, who had just finished reading the note with his green eyes filled with agony, and wrapped his arm around him tightly.

"We'll all be okay, Nattsun," Reiji spoke gently, pulling Natsuki into a tight hug, rubbing the blond's back. "We're not letting whoever it is go anywhere near you, let alone hurt you. It'll be okay. The five of us are here with one another, you know that more than anything, right?" Reiji smiled weakly, tousling Natsuki's blond hair. "That's how I know that we'll all be fine."

Natsuki slowly inhaled and exhaled, although his breath quivered a little, and Reiji patted him on the back, gently telling him to breathe. Reiji slowly pulled away to look at Natsuki, his hands on the latter's shoulders, and smiled faintly when he saw his best friend nod slightly.

"I really hope we will be fine," Natsuki uttered softly, smiling weakly. "I'm just scared that... you guys will end up hurt when I don't ever want that to happen. But..." he shook his head and clenched his fists, "I know the five of us will do everything to make sure that no one gets hurt, that all of us are okay."

He smiled lightly.

"We'll all be fine. I really believe that."

Reiji smiled softly and squeezed Natsuki on the shoulders as Ranmaru and Ai smiled and Camus talked to Shining on his ice-blue cellphone. But even as he sat between Natsuki and Ai and had calmed down to a certain degree, Reiji could not help but be grim. A part of him told him that it was not going to be easy to find out who was behind this. Ai hacked into the area's CCTV camera, but just as Reiji suspected, the perpetrator had a hood concealing their face as well as thick clothing that made it difficult to tell if they were male or female. But none of them were letting that stalker have their way with them.

 _I don't care how many red herrings they may use to make sure we don't find out who they are. They hurt and threatened Nattsun and the minute they_ _shot_ _that rock through the window, they started a war with all of us. A war that they should_ never _have started._

Natsuki offered to make tea for everyone to calm down, but everyone urged him to let his arm rest. And Camus, for once, volunteered to do it, saying that if Natsuki was in such a condition, Camus might as well make it as no one else here in this apartment was on par with him when it came to fixing tea. But even with those words, Reiji knew that more than anything, Camus was concerned about Natsuki, just like the rest of them.

_Because we won't stop until we are sure that each and every one of us is safe from harm._

Ren Jinguji

"Oh my gosh! Are Natsuki and the senpais alright?"

"Shinomi's stab wound worsened due to the attack from the window," Ren answered Cecil grimly as he looked down at the messages that he had sent to Ranmaru, who had gone offline. "But he, Ran-chan and the rest of the senpais have been moved to a hotel by Shining-sensei to stay in until the problem is solved."

Ren shook his head.

"This is the worst case we've had in terms of fans crossing the line. I feel terrible for Shinomi."

Cecil lowered his eyes and clenched his teeth as Ren sighed heavily. Earlier, Ren had called Ranmaru to tease him, and he had not expected the silver-haired rocker to yell at him and demand to know if he knew anything about the "lunatic haywire mess" that he, Natsuki, Reiji, Ai and Camus were in. That was how Ren found out about what had happened at the apartment. A stalker had made Natsuki bleed by shooting a rock at him and threatened him with a note, and Ren, who was normally calm and composed, had stared at the floor in utter horror as Ranmaru cursed and yelled about it. Why were there such twisted, heartless people in this world? What on earth did Natsuki do to deserve this when he had always been the kindest? Sitting on his bed in his, Cecil and Otoya's shared bedroom, Ren could only pray and hope that Natsuki and the senpais were all safe from harm and that the stalker was caught soon.

"So where are they now?" a worried Cecil asked.

"Sensei moved them to a hotel, but Ran-chan has not told me where, Cesshi."

"Hopefully the stalker will not follow them there!"

"Same here, C-"

The door creaked open and Ren and Cecil immediately turned and saw Otoya standing in the doorway with his red headphones wound around his neck and his cellphone in his hand.

"Ikki."

"Otoya."

"Hey, guys." Otoya smiled faintly at them and nodded, although his normal self would have greeted them even more cheerfully, and shut the door behind him and walked towards his own bed. Ren wanted to ask if Otoya was okay - he had not been for quite a long time - but he knew that the latter would say the same lie that was "I'm fine" when he clearly was not. So Ren decided to be casual and spoke.

"How was your day, Ikki?"

"It was okay," Otoya replied, sitting on his bed with the same smile. "How about you guys? Did anything good happen?"

"It was all good until I talked with Ran-chan," Ren said with a frown.

Otoya looked confused. "Ranmaru-senpai? Did something happen?"

"Natsuki got attacked at the apartment!" Cecil exclaimed and Ren nodded with a clenched heart. "And he also got a threat from the attacker, who is also a stalker! Natsuki and the senpais don't deserve this! How could anyone do such a cruel thing to them?"

"I hope that sensei allows us to visit them," Ren remarked, checking if Ranmaru, Natsuki, Reiji, Ai and Camus were online. None of them were. "I need to see them in person to know if they're really fine, especially Shinomi. He must be really hurt by all of this since he's the real target."

"Yeah! I would like to go with you, Ren, if sensei-"

"I don't care."

Otoya's low, mirthless mutter cut Cecil off mid-sentence and Ren's eyes widened in shock. "Huh?" Cecil barely managed to speak amidst his own disbelief and Ren could feel a chill run down his spine at Otoya's tone and words. Immediately, Ren and Cecil swivelled around to face Otoya, who was staring down at his lap with humorless, unreadable red eyes, his fists shaking. _Ikki?_ Now Ren was starting to be even more concerned. Otoya was acting less and less like himself and it was definitely out of character of him to say that he did not care about his friends when he had always did.

So Ren walked over to Otoya and clamped a hand down on the younger redhead's shoulder, hoping that the latter would talk to them honestly.

"Ikki?" he muttered.

"Otoya?"

Otoya slowly lifted his face up to look at them, his eyes as dim as earlier, devoid of any happiness. But after a few brief, painful moments, Otoya blinked and his eyes slowly widened, as though he had just realized what he had just said. Hastily, he shook his head with a laugh.

"Sorry, sorry!" Otoya forced a laugh, scratching the back of his head. "I didn't mean to say any of that! It just kind of came out, you know! Without me even thinking it! So sorry, Ren, Cecil!"

"But you don't look okay, Ikki," Ren remarked, getting even more concerned with this act that Otoya was putting up in front of them. Cecil wrapped an arm around the redhead as Ren tightened his hold on Otoya's shoulder. "You haven't for the past few weeks. You barely talk to us or smile like you normally do. You do not hang out with us or tell jokes like always. You spend most of your time alone now and we are both getting more and more concerned for your well-being."

"But I'm fine-"

"You're not," Cecil cut in, shaking his head with sadness in his eyes. "It's clear to us, Otoya. And the fact that you're lying makes it even clearer." He wrapped his arm even tighter around Otoya. "Please tell us what's wrong. Is it because of that fight Syo and I had? Did he say something to you after that?"

"I already told you that it's fine, Cecil-"

"But you aren't, and it hurts seeing you like this. Please, Otoya... please don't do this to yourself-"

"So you guys are calling me a liar?"

Otoya suddenly raised his voice and pushed himself away from them. Ren's eyes widened as Cecil shook his head.

"Otoya, that's not-"

"I already said I'm fine!" Otoya exclaimed, his red eyes burning with hurt, and he sounded like he was about to cry as he got up and stepped away from them. "Why won't you believe me? I keep saying I'm okay and I'm fine and yet you keep claiming I'm not! Friends believe in each other! Friends don't keep asking the same thing like they think the other one's a liar! You guys... You guys think I'm a liar!"

"Ikki," Ren started, getting up and reaching for Otoya. "Listen to us. We're sorry if we were being too pushy. But we just wanted-"

"Stop it."

"Otoya-"

"Just stop it already!" Otoya shouted, yanking the door open as his voice cracked excruciatingly. "I don't want to be here anymore if all you do is say I'm a liar when I'm not, when we're supposed to be best friends! All of us! So just leave me alone and don't go after me. I don't want to hear it anymore."

"Ikki-"

"Just please stop!"

The door slammed shut, leaving Ren and Cecil with the broken pieces of an argument of flames and agony. Quietly, Ren turned to Cecil, whose cyan eyes held an expression filled with torn emotions. Otoya was not going to listen to them even if they ran after him. They both knew that. They would probably end up making things worse if they ran after him, especially when he yelled for them to leave him alone. Without a word, Ren softly plopped down next to Cecil and wrapped an arm around the youngest STARISH member, unable to figure out what was going on with Otoya, unable to find a solution to all the problems of this broken, divided band. So Cecil and Ren sat there in silence, with questions that they could not answer and hearts that had been wounded by denial and conflict.

 _Ikki..._ Ren muttered in his head.

He felt so powerless for his friend, for someone he loved and cared about.

_"I don't care."_

_That's a lie too... Ikki._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"I told you guys this was going to be awesome!"

"For once, you're actually right, Reiji. Can't believe we didn't try this sooner."

"Natsuki, are you comfortable in those clothes?" Ai asked with a slight smile as Reiji beamed at Natsuki.

Natsuki nodded with a shy smile, rubbing the back of his head. "I am, Ai-chan. I wasn't too sure they would suit me when you guys suggested them at first, but I think they look fine."

"Fine?" Camus crossed his arms. "Nonsense, Shinomiya. You look more than just fine. You are finally showing the normally-hidden cooler side of yourself like the rest of us. For once, going along with Kotobuki's endeavours was not quite wasteful as expected."

"Hey! Whaddya mean 'wasteful'?"

The five of them were in a large room at a hotel not too faraway from Shining's mansion. After Camus called Shining, the head of their agency came and ordered all five of them to pack their belongings and leave the apartment immediately, telling them that they would reside at a hotel together until the situation was remedied. Before leaving the five of them when they were settled in their room, Shining left them a wardrobe of outfits to choose from for the important show that would feature all of the Shining Stars on Saturday, which was only two days away. When all of them were looking through the clothes, Reiji had suggested that they all coordinated with one another for a cooler theme, which Natsuki did not normally go for but was willing to try. The senpais had helped Natsuki choose his combination of outfits and he had just gotten out of the bathroom after changing into them, not at all expecting them to have the reaction that they did.

"I should have made you try my fedoras!" Reiji exclaimed, adjusting the black fedora on Natsuki's blond hair with a bright smile. "Big bro Rei-chan is so happy that you look so cool and that we're gonna be wearin' matching hats for the first time!"

"Huh?" Ranmaru took the fedora off Natsuki's head with a teasing grin. "I don't think Natsuki needs to twin with ya to look cool."

"Hey!" Reiji tried to get the fedora back, only for Ranmaru to hold it up beyond his reach with a playful smirk. "Give it back, Ran-Ran! Don't be a meanie!"

"I can't help it when you're short."

"I am not short!"

"I'll help you, Rei-chan-senpai!"

"Whoa!" Reiji exclaimed when Natsuki hugged him from behind and lifted him up into the air. "Nattsun! I know you're helping me, but it's okay! Big bro Rei-chan got it from where he was standing!"

"It would be quite the outstanding photo if you do that during our next photo shoot, Natsuki," Ai remarked with an amused smile as Camus smirked and Natsuki let out a few hearty laughs. "I am sure that the photographer would not mind."

"No, no, no, Nattsun! Don't listen to Ai-Ai!"

"That would actually be a real riot," Ranmaru said with a guffaw as he returned the fedora to Natsuki's head and the latter gently put Reiji down. "But jokes aside, these outfits are definitely official. We'll tell Shining and there's no way he's not going to approve. Otherwise, ya bet I'm gonna go bargin' into his office!"

"It appears that our tea is ready," Camus spoke, his eyes on the five white mugs on the glass table, all of which had white steam flowing up from their surfaces into the cold air. "Take any one you want; all of them are precisely the same."

"Thank you, Myu-chan-senpai!"

Camus had been the one brewing tea ever since Natsuki's arm bled because of the assault from the window. Although Camus did not normally do so, this time, he had no complaints and had been volunteering to make tea for all of them, asking if they had any preferences and nearly smacking Ranmaru with his sceptre when the latter joked about him mellowing down. Ever since they moved into the hotel room, none of the senpais mentioned anything about the stalker and what could possibly happen. They had all talked about numerous different topics like fashion, music and movies and Natsuki knew that they were trying their best to keep his mind off the potential danger, wanting him to be free of the pain and worry. And Natsuki couldn't help the warm gratitude welling up inside his heart at the thought of how much they all cared.

As they sipped their tea at the coffee table, with Natsuki sitting between Ai and Ranmaru, Ai spoke.

"Natsuki, we need to check on your wound."

Ai sounded slightly pained, and Natsuki could tell that Ai did not want him to end up worrying about what had happened.

"I'm sorry for bringing the topic up." His voice grew softer. "... I didn't want to worry you."

"Aww, Ai-chan..."

Natsuki wrapped his arms around Ai and hugged him gently with a light smile.

"I know. I know that all of you were trying your best to make sure I wasn't thinking about what happened, not wanting me to worry or be hurt. You don't have to say sorry when all you guys did was care about me."

Natsuki slowly let go of Ai and looked around at him, Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru, his heart overflowing with emotions.

"Thank you..." Natsuki thanked them, smiling softly. "Thank you so, so much..."

Natsuki then hugged Reiji, who immediately returned the hug with a chuckle. He then hugged Camus, who stiffened in surprise. And he hugged Ranmaru, who yelled out in shock and protest. Smiling warmly, Natsuki was going to return to his seat when a pair of arms wrapped themselves around him from behind and he felt himself fall sideways to the right.

"Wahh!"

"It's times like these when I really don't understand how you don't realize you're so cute when you call so many things cute."

Laying on the floor next to Natsuki, Reiji bear-hugged him and beamed.

"Our cute, precious Nattsun!"

"If you had made Natsuki fall on his left arm, I literally would have punched ya in the face, you dunce."

"Hey! I knew what I was doing! That's why we fell over to the right!"

"Kotobuki can truly be quite the ridiculous peasant that there is no use in talking sense into him."

"That's not true!" Reiji exclaimed. "Nattsun agrees with me!"

"Reiji, this is a three-against-two matter. If you want to win in this argument, you need at least one other person besides Natsuki to support you and I doubt that you can convince the rest of us to do so."

"Don't betray me, Ai-Ai!"

But everyone ended up laughing and smiling, and Ai slowly shifted the topic over to tending to Natsuki's wound. As Reiji undid the white gauze wound around Natsuki's left arm, Natsuki smiled faintly, his heart pulsing steadily in his chest. He was still worried about the threat he had gotten, but he had meant it when he said that he believed Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus when they assured him that they would be fine. When Natsuki winced as his wound stung from the medicine that Ai was applying, he let his mind focus on his friends' love and kindness, knowing that no matter what, the five of them would be with one another.

And that... mattered to Natsuki more than anything.

Otoya Ittoki

_Round 2... is done._

Sitting alone on the bench of a secluded park, Otoya stared up blankly at the night sky with eyes that were hardly even open.

 _Looks like..._ his chest was tight as he let out a tired breath, _they really took it seriously... huh...?_

Until now, Otoya still had not gotten the information of which hotel Natsuki and the senpais had moved to, but that did not really matter. He did not need the name of the hotel to carry out the next part of his plan. The hotel name did not matter on the day all of STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT were to be in a massive show together, where Otoya would proceed with the threat that he had hired someone else to send to Natsuki by shooting a rock at his arm through the window. He had given the man the remainder of his payment after Cecil and Ren's conversation inside the room confirmed that the job had been done.

_And even though they seem to be... they are all still sticking together... even Natsuki. Even when I said for you to not make this difficult..._

Otoya smiled weakly as he let out a forced laugh, the cold wind and the sounds of the bustling, glowing metropolis doing nothing to comfort his soul and make his wishes come true when he needed it more than anything.

 _You give me no choice._ His thoughts hardened in his heart like cold iron. _I'm moving forward with it and there's nothing you can do to stop me. No matter how hurt you are... I won't stop until I end this myself._

_"Sometimes when adults put away their courage,_

_The meaning of what's called 'truth' is blocked"_

\- "Never...", by Reiji Kotobuki (Showtaro Morikubo)


	31. Fedora

Reiji Kotobuki

"Your heart is beating unsteadily at an estimated 112 beats per minute, which is faster than the average resting heart, indicating restlessness and anxiety, like the expression in your eyes do."

Ai's hand gently squeezed Natsuki's wrist and his lips formed a faint smile.

"Take it easy, alright, Natsuki? Like you said before, we will be okay because we are by one another's sides."

Reiji smiled as Natsuki squeezed Ai's hand back with a faint smile. It was Friday night. In less than twelve hours, they, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus would have to depart from the hotel to the venue of the first STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT show. The show included an exclusive interview, performances from the main units and the opening round units, and surprises for both the fans and themselves that were planned by the staff. Knowing Natsuki more than well enough to know that he would be feeling anxious and that it would be refreshing to go out to clear their minds, Reiji had decided to take him and Ai out on an unhurried drive and go to the river together. Wrapping an arm around Natsuki, Reiji felt his own smile and heart soften even more as he let out a content sigh, grateful that the three of them could go out like this and take in this inimitable sight whilst sitting on the gentle grass under the moon and stars together.

"Ah... I'll never get tired of coming here, especially with you guys."

Reiji pulled Natsuki down with him so that they were laying down on the grass, staring up at the gorgeous Prussian blue night flooded with millions of white incandescent lights.

"I still remember the first time the three of us came here together, drinking bubble tea and Nattsun and me deciding to make living together permanent, and coming here for the first time with Nattsun and watching the rain fall." Reiji let out a small chuckle as Natsuki smiled. "Those times would always be magical to me, ya know."

"Those memories have this unique calming effect."

Ai let himself lay on the grass as well and spoke quietly.

"They granted me a strange yet gratifying sense of what people describe as 'deja vu' when we were doing our sub-unit photo shoot together, even though I had never laid down on the grass of the forest together with you." He smiled faintly. "First times can be quite strange in their own way."

"Yep," Natsuki agreed, his green eyes smiling gently up at the sky. "The starting memories are intertwined with the ones that we share with one another now, through their emotions and journey, like how stars turn into constellations. The first time we met up until this very moment..." He let out a slow breath, emotions welling up in his eyes. "I'll always hold them dear to me."

"This is turning out to be quite the nostalgic, sentimental night, isn't it?"

Reiji laughed quietly as Natsuki chuckled and Ai smiled. Memories of a particular incident flowed inside Reiji's head and he could not help but smile a little more at them.

"Say, Ai-Ai, Nattsun. Do you guys remember that time all us senpais listened in on Nattsun and everyone else talking about us?"

"If you are referring to each and every comment made, with majority of them being unpleasant," Ai answered as Natsuki nodded with a light laugh, "then I can give you detailed highlights of what was most disrespectful to hear."

"You're so brutal, Ai-Ai!" Reiji exclaimed with a laugh. "But that was the first time we ever heard our kouhais express what they thought of all of us when they thought we weren't around. And..."

Reiji turned to Natsuki and beamed.

"That's what gave Nattsun and me the opportunity to hang out together for the first time."

...

Flashback I: The First Time (No One's POV)

_About two years ago..._

It was a month ever since STARISH and Cecil's Master Course began. For the past month, the juniors had gotten to know all of their seniors, the four QUARTET NIGHT members, with each of them being assigned to one senior each: Otoya and Tokiya were with Reiji; Masato and Ren were with Ranmaru; Natsuki and Syo were with Ai; and Cecil were with Camus. With eleven colourful, often-clashing personalities under the roof of Shining Saotome's mansion, there was bound to be conflicts, bickers and complaints, and today, with the four seniors needing to go for an interview, it was the perfect time for the seven kouhais to discuss the predicament that they had all gotten into.

Or so they thought.

"I still can't believe I lost sleep only for some irresponsible lowlifes to cancel last minute!"

"It appears that whoever was in charge of sending the email regarding the postponement is not adept in their job," Ai remarked with a blank expression as Ranmaru groaned and Camus scoffed. "Perhaps they will be facing retirement by the end of the week."

Reiji smiled awkwardly at his band member's bluntness. "Ya really have a sharp tongue, Ai-Ai..." But soon the cheerful brunet beamed. "But that doesn't stop us from having a blast for the rest of the day! In fact, how about we go check on our kouhais and see what they're up to?"

"How is that 'fun'?" Camus questioned with a scoff.

"Oh, don't be such a meanie, Myu-chan!"

Reiji pouted, but Camus ignored him. The four QUARTET NIGHT seniors were walking along a corridor of the mansion. Reiji knew that they would be passing the living room in which the juniors often gathered and was starting to get curious as to what they were up to; they were quite the bright, colourful kids! Although, looking at his three less-than-happy band members, he knew that they had other plans in mind. However, just as they were about to enter the living room area through the halfway-open double doors, they heard a voice talk from inside.

"Hey, guys! I've been wanting to ask you this, so how do you feel about our senpais?"

"Shh!" Ranmaru hissed, yanking Reiji backwards as Camus and Ai stopped walking.

"Hey, I-"

"Shut up!"

"In order of age from the oldest to youngest," a heavy sigh was heard from a particular perfectionist, "immature, brusque, arrogant and cold."

"Ouchie!" Reiji yelped, staring through the doorway in pure disbelief. "Toki, why?"

Inside the living room area were Otoya, Tokiya, Natsuki, Ren, Syo, Cecil and Masato. Tokiya, Masato and Otoya sat on one sofa while Natsuki, Syo and Cecil sat on another and Ren stood next to Natsuki. Thinking that the seniors were away at the interview, Otoya had thought that this was the perfect chance to ask everyone about what they thought about the four experienced idols.

Little did he know that he had just caused a storm to brew up, with four particular seniors not being pleased by what they were hearing and about to hear.

"Come on, Tokiya!" Otoya exclaimed with a laugh. "Rei-chan is really nice!" Then he shivered with a frightened expression. "But the rest of the senpais are really scary! Especially Camus-senpai!"

Ai narrowed his eyes as Reiji complained about Tokiya.

"... scary?"

"You're lucky you're not with Camus," Cecil pointed out, "let alone on your own with him." He started complaining. "He's so mean! What kind of senpai bosses you around while hitting you with his sceptre and sends you on some crazy errands to buy cake and whatever else he's in the mood to have?"

Camus scowled as Ranmaru snorted and Reiji let out a few nervous laughs, planning his sole kouhai's death sentence. "Aijima..."

"Err..." Otoya smiled awkwardly. He was not expecting such violent responses. "What about Ai-senpai?"

"Ai is on a whole different level!" Syo shouted, shaking his head rapidly with a tone blazing with frustration. "What human being comes up with a schedule for a whole day from 5 in the morning to 9 at night with insane details? Lik, 7:03 do this, 5:12 do that, 2 minutes to brush teeth? Just how insane is he?"

Ai narrowed his eyes even more. "... excuse me?"

"Ai-senpai is like that?" Otoya cried out in incredulousness.

"Unbelievable, right?" Syo yelled.

"At least Natsuki's with you!" Cecil exclaimed.

"At least your senpai gives you more freedom!" Syo countered.

"Says whom?" Cecil fired back.

"Meanwhile, Jinguji and I have to deal with the likes of Kurosaki-senpai," Masato commented with a deep, disapproving frown, "who, without any form of warning or permission, threw my tatami mat out and yells at you as he pleases."

Ren chuckled as Tokiya facepalmed at their senpais' ridiculousness. "The only thing that Ran-chan seems to be gentle to is the bass that he refers to as his girlfriend."

Cecil, Syo and Otoya laughed.

"Wait, he does that?" Cecil asked.

Masato sighed. "As absurd as it sounds, yes. I do not comprehend his choice of words, however. Why 'girlfriend'?"

"Maybe he is not ready to have a proper relationship, Hijirikawa," Ren answered with a smirk. "Or no one taught him about being unable to marry non-human objects when he was in kindergarten."

"That's it!" Ranmaru's face was blazing red, on the verge of exploding. "I'm gonna-"

"Ehh? But all our senpais are really nice!"

Immediately, Reiji pulled Ranmaru back, whispering an urgent "Wait!" Inside the living room, Cecil, Otoya, Masato, Tokiya, Syo and Ren all stared at Natsuki, who had been quiet until that very moment. Reiji knew that Ranmaru was furious, but they all definitely wanted to hear what Natsuki was about to say. And from the inquiring looks on Ai and Camus' faces and from the way Ranmaru took in a sharp breath, Reiji knew that he was right.

"... nice...?" Masato repeated, genuinely stunned.

Natsuki smiled brightly. "Yeap! Myu-chan-senpai and I chatted about tea a few days ago and it was really nice talking to him! And he looks so happy when he eats his sweets!"

"I find the fact that at least one junior had a positive impression of you rather surprising, Camus," Ai remarked, mildly surprised.

"You chatted with Nattsun about tea?" Reiji asked curiously.

Camus nodded. "Surprisingly. Shinomiya has vast knowledge on tea and what tea goes well with certain sweets." He folded his arms and stroked his chin. "He even offered to make tea for me and why would I refuse such an offer, especially when he does so truly impeccably?"

"What I'm more surprised about is what Ai pointed out," Ranmaru commented, his arms crossed at the back of his head, and Camus frowned at him. "If I were one of those kouhais, I wouldn't even think you were even close to being decent-"

"What about Ran-chan, Shinomi?" Ren asked with a smile.

"Maru-chan-senpai loves cats!" Natsuki answered, beaming.

Ranmaru nearly choked.

"How did this guy-"

"What?" Otoya, Syo, Cecil, Masato and Tokiya exclaimed, staring at Natsuki.

"Yeap!" Natsuki's green eyes sparkled behind his black-framed glasses. "I saw Maru-chan-senpai giving milk and fish to some cats. After he left, I went to talk to the cats and they say that Maru-chan-senpai feeds them every morning." His smile brightened. "Maru-chan-senpai is really kind!"

"Talk?" Ranmaru half-repeated-half-demanded, barely refraining from yelling. "What does this punk mean by 'talk'?"

"Natsuki has the unique ability to converse with animals," Ai answered.

"In other words, he can expose all your clandestines with those felines," Camus articulated.

Ranmaru's jaw dropped. "What on earth is this kouhai of yours, Ai?" He snapped his head over to Reiji. "And oi, Reiji, stop laughing!"

"You can't be serious saying that Ai is nice!" Syo yelled inside the living room, bringing back the senpais' attention.

"But Ai-chan is nice!" Natsuki exclaimed, his smile as happy as before. "He is really cute too! He's very artistic, cute and huggable! He doesn't hold back when he feels he needs us to improve and I like how honest he is!"

"Shinomiya..." Camus started, somewhat taken aback by the younger blond's innocuous thoughts, "is quite an unusual case."

"I agree..." Ai said, nodding as his eyes remained on his happy-go-lucky, pure-hearted kouhai. "It appears that Natsuki truly deviates from data quite considerably - even more than I initially predicted."

"And Rei-chan-senpai is very energetic, kind and helpful!" Natsuki continued, wrapping his arms around his star plushie. "He also makes really funny jokes and makes me laugh a lot!"

His heart glowing with warmth, Reiji nearly started tearing up and he had the sudden urge to hug the kouhai. "Nattsun!"

"So you don't find him annoying?" Tokiya asked.

"Toki!" Reiji nearly shouted, an arrow striking his heart.

Natsuki shook his head with a smile. "Nope! He's a wonderful person and friend! I don't see why anyone would find him annoying."

"We do," Ai, Ranmaru and Camus said together.

"Hey!"

"Shinomi..." Ren wrapped an arm around Natsuki with a lopsided grin. "I think that you are the only one who sees our senpais in such a positive light."

"And he's the only one who's not gonna be smacked by this fist on the head," Ranmaru muttered, causing Reiji to spin his head around to stare at him.

"Ran-Ran!"

"I agree," Camus spoke before Reiji could go off on the thousand reasons why Ranmaru should not show violence to their kouhais. "Mikaze, do you agree with granting Shinomiya immunity?"

"I do." Ai nodded with a calm expression. "The rest have all crossed the line."

"Hey! What are you guys-"

"It's settled then," Ranmaru cut in, ignoring Reiji. "Reiji, you take Natsuki somewhere else until Camus, Ai and I are done with this lot."

"E-Eto..." Reiji stroked his cheek nervously. He was more than happy to go and hang out with Natsuki, but... "... what exactly do you plan on doing, guys?"

...

"Nattsun!"

"Rei-chan-senpai!" His eyes widening, Natsuki turned and saw Reiji running towards him while Ai, Camus and Ranmaru entered behind him. "Ai-chan! Maru-chan-senpai! Myu-chan-senpai!"

Stopping in front of Natsuki, Reiji tilted his dark grey fedora and smiled brightly.

"Shiny-san wants to meet us at his office," Reiji told Natsuki. Smiling at the blond, Reiji grabbed his arm. "He's already waitin', so we'd better hurry. Let's go, Nattsun!"

"Okay- Wahh!"

Reiji pulled Natsuki into a run and the latter glanced around at everyone.

"See you guys, everyone, senpais, Ai-chan!"

"See you, Nat-"

The remaining juniors were all stopped mid-sentence when they saw Ai, Camus and Ranmaru glaring straight at them. They glanced at one another, a myriad of emotions beginning to stir inside their hearts as one by one, the six of them slowly realized what was happening. Syo and Cecil wanted to yell out for Natsuki to come back, but it was too late. Reiji had whisked Natsuki away with him and left the remaining juniors with three terrifying, less-than-happy seniors.

Except that unbeknownst to them, Reiji and Natsuki were nowhere near Shining Saotome's office.

"Ehh...?"

Natsuki blinked in confusion and shock as Reiji's words sank inside his head.

"So Shining-sensei did not want to meet us?"

"Nope!" Reiji shook his head with a smile. "I just said that so that we could leave. Ai-Ai, Ran-Ran and Myu-chan wanna have a private talk with the rest."

Natsuki was even more confused and amidst his emotions, a thought made him lower his eyes. "Did I..." he hesitated, "do something wrong...?"

Reiji's eyes widened in shock as his jaw dropped. "No, no, no, Nattsun!" He shook his head rapidly, not wanting Natsuki to be sad. "Not at all! In fact, we heard ya all talking about us and boy did you make my heart swell when you said all those nice things about us!"

It was a stunned Natsuki's turn to stare at Reiji with widened eyes. "Wait... you guys..." his face reddened, "... heard... everything...?"

"Yeap!" Reiji confirmed with a wide grin. He noticed Natsuki blushing even more with an awkward smile and his smile brightened as he ruffled the younger male's blond hair. "And aww! You look really cute blushing like that!"

Natsuki let out a quiet chuckle as Reiji smiled and pulled him along with him. Meanwhile, however, the living room's atmosphere was anything but peaceful or comfortable. Under the patronizing stares of the three cold seniors, Syo, Otoya and Cecil could not help but gulp while Masato internally dreaded what was about to happen. The juniors all had no idea how on earth the seniors were even here - did they not have that interview in the morning? Everyone was crudely yanked out of their thoughts at the sound of an infuriated rocker's voice.

So much for a peaceful off-day.

"What was that junk about not being ready for a relationship..." Ranmaru spoke through gritted teeth, his blazing heterochromatic eyes snapped over to a particular flirt, "... _Ren_?"

"Just stating opinions, Ran-chan," Ren responded with a smirk that irked Ranmaru to no end.

"And you, Syo?" Ai's eyes were narrowed and his tone was emotionless. "I am insane, you say? Would you care to elaborate?"

Syo gulped, knowing that he was as good as dead.

"You will pay for this insolence, Aijima," Camus threatened, scowling coldly with a tight grip on his sceptre that was pointed straight at Cecil's face.

"I... I..." Cecil couldn't help but tremble at the consequences that were bound to come as he stared at the sceptre and its cold-hearted owner, "I'm s-s-sorry... C-Camus..."

While the six juniors faced impending doom from their seniors, Reiji and Natsuki were already getting off the former's car at the shopping district. It was morning, so the shopping district was not as nearly as bustling as usual, meaning that Reiji and Natsuki did not have to disguise themselves too much to shop normally. The Reiji chibi doll that hung on the ceiling between the two front seats would have been there, but as revenge for a prank that Reiji had pulled on him, Ranmaru had stolen the small doll and hidden it away. But even though the memory made Reiji pout in his head, the car ride was nevertheless refreshing and loads of fun, with Reiji playing some of his favourite jams and chatting with a happy Natsuki. Reiji felt his own self bubbling with energy and excitement as he threw an arm around his kouhai and buddy, beaming at the bright possibilities of the day.

"So Nattsun!" Reiji began, his own smile widening as Natsuki smiled back. "We haven't gotten to know each other much since we just met a while back and all, so let's use this chance to get much, much closer!"

Natsuki's eyes sparkled under the bright sunlight. "Yeap!" He smiled brightly and pulled Reiji into a tight hug, his heart glowing radiantly like the sun. "Thank you so, so much, Rei-chan-senpai!"

Reiji stared at Natsuki's shoulder in utter shock, his eyes widened. "Err... Nattsun?"

"Yes, Rei-chan-senpai?"

"You're... hugging me?"

Natsuki chuckled. "Yeap! Rei-chan-senpai is so cute and makes me happy!" He squeezed Reiji even tighter with a genuine, bright smile. "So I wanted to give you a big, big hug!"

Reiji laughed and hugged Natsuki back. "You're the one being cute, ya know, Nattsun!" He tousled the blond's wavy hair and felt pure joy well up inside his heart. "Looks like we're gonna have a blast together, buddy!"

Natsuki beamed. "Yeap, Rei-chan-senpai!"

Exchanging genuine smiles, the two of them walked alongside each other in the shopping district, chatting happily about topics such as music, the Master Course and how they were doing with their respective roommates. Reiji whined about Tokiya calling him "immature" and paled when Natsuki showed him the schedule Ai had made for the blond and Syo, but with a smile, Natsuki kept on thinking on the positive side no matter what, saying that Tokiya, deep down inside of him, held Reiji in high regard despite how stoic he may be on the outside and that Ai's schedule was his own special way of helping Natsuki and Syo. And Reiji couldn't help but be moved by Natsuki's kindness and sense of optimism, by how he looked at the bright side of everything regardless of anything not just for himself but the people around him.

And Reiji had to admit that that pure brightness... was something that he was incapable of containing in his heart.

 _That_ _warm_ _light_ , Reiji thought to himself as they walked together, with Natsuki pulling him gently by the arm. _That kindness and honesty... The ability to be so genuine with an open heart... A heart veiled by countless lies and fake smiles is incapable of being like that, of being like someone like Nattsun._

Natsuki turned and smiled brightly, and Reiji smiled back, concealing his inner demons inside his tortured mind.

_A liar like me... can never be that kind._

Meanwhile, Natsuki had his own personal inner thoughts about Reiji. Reiji was the only one among the eleven in the dorms that Natsuki had never seen get upset or mad. There were times in which Reiji would complain about Tokiya or Ai, Camus and Ranmaru's lack of interest in bonding as band members, but he was the only one who had never truly outwardly shown anger or sadness in this past month. Maybe Reiji was just really good at keeping his darker feelings hidden, but the thought that Reiji could be hiding them only worried Natsuki. To keep a bright smile on despite feeling like he was about to cry, to laugh and try to cheer himself and the people around him up when he wanted to go to the river or lake and bury his head in his knees... Natsuki knew more than anything how much it could break a heart to do all that and although he couldn't be too sure, he had a sinking feeling that Reiji was doing the exact same thing as they stopped by a peaceful cafe to get a couple of cold lattes, even as the older brunet tilted his grey fedora and winked at him.

_How happy are you... Rei-chan-senpai...?_

It was quite strange that two of the most seemingly-bright idols among the eleven in the Master Course had quite painful thoughts when it came to relating themselves to the other. However, as painful as their thoughts were, their pain was completely different from the pain that six particular juniors were suffering due to three seniors. Ai, Ranmaru and Camus had fully ignored Reiji's insistence to "not be too hard on the kouhais" and given numerous punishments for talking about them behind their backs.

The colder members of QUARTET NIGHT all forced Tokiya, Cecil, Otoya, Masato, Ren and Syo to do a number of things such as sweeping and mopping the entire dormitory including the commonplace, ignoring the complaints that they received. Not only that, but the kouhais were ordered to run errands such as buying desserts and meat dishes scattered all over the city, do some research on topics that Ai wished to collect more data on and write a two-paged essay on why they should not talk "smack" about their seniors. And to make things worse, knowing that these particular two younger idols often bickered, Camus deliberately partnered Syo and Cecil together to do what they had to do, threatening to increase their workload if they did not do their tasks properly.

"This is probably gonna be the best off-day we ever got," Ranmaru remarked as he chugged down a glass of water with his bass on his lap. "Six kouhais are doing the dirty work and Reiji is off and away bringing his noise along with him. Man it feels great to have some peace."

"Regarding that matter," Ai spoke as he typed on his laptop, "I am rather curious as to how Reiji and Natsuki are spending their day. Considering that this is their very first time going out together, this may provide some new, invaluable data that I can study."

"The level of irritation that Kotobuki can instil inside a human being is boundless," Camus remarked as he sipped the chamomile tea that Cecil had fixed. He frowned deeply - this tea was far less than adequate. _That peasant._ "However, it will be quite the surprise if he somehow manages to irritate Shinomiya, who appears to have this filter in his own head to the point that he has little to no comprehension in regards to negativity."

"Reiji and Natsuki are at the nearby shopping district," Ai informed them, his teal eyes fixated on the laptop. "It appears that they have stopped at a cafe. I heard that this cafe is famous for its iced coffee."

"Hope they stay there 'til the night comes for maximum peace," Ranmaru commented, drinking again. But when Ai's words truly sank in his mind, he spat his drink out and snapped his head around to face the youngest member of QUARTET NIGHT.

"Hold on, where did you- Are you _stalking_ them?" Ranmaru exclaimed.

"Please do not mistake my actions for the crime known as 'stalking'." Ai narrowed his eyes, almost offended. "I believe that 'keeping tabs on them' is more accurate."

"What's the freaking difference?"

While the three stoic seniors remained in the commonplace, with Camus adding fuel to the fire by insulting Ranmaru's brain capacity, Natsuki and Reiji were walking with their drinks - Earl Grey milk tea and a cafe latte, respectively - in their hands, peering through the glass walls of multiples of shops. Although Reiji had protested, Natsuki had paid for both of their drinks with a kind smile, saying that it was his treat for his dear, lovely friend and senpai. Even though they had painful thoughts that they did not say out loud of their own, both of them genuinely relished in each other's company, a part of them wishing that they had started hanging out sooner. As they laughed at a joke that Reiji had made, they passed by a shop with a myriad of items ranging from plushies and keyrings to hats. As soon as he saw it, Natsuki's face lit up and he pulled Reiji with him towards the shop, causing the latter to exclaim in shock.

"It should be here somewhere..." Natsuki pondered out loud, his voice quiet and thoughtful as he looked around the shop and Reiji followed him out of curiosity.

"Nattsun, what are-"

"There it is!"

Natsuki's eyes lit up as he reached for the keychain hanging on the decorated wall. And within less than a minute, he had reached out and taken ahold of three more and gone up to the cashier to pay for the four items. Reiji tried asking about them, but Natsuki simply smiled and held up an index finger to his own lips, saying that it would be a small secret until later and that he would tell Reiji later. Natsuki even whispered something to the cashier and gave her a small pink note and it made Reiji even more curious - Natsuki had definitely not struck Reiji as the secretive type. The cashier took the four keychains into a room behind the counter and only came back a few minutes later with four paper bags - viridian, deep red, lavender and ice-blue. And those colours could only mean one thing.

"W-Wait a minute, Nattsun!"

Reiji pointed at the four paper bags with dilated eyes as Natsuki beamed at him.

"Are those for us? Us as in me and the other senpais?"

Natsuki laughed as they left the shop. "Yep! You got me, Rei-chan-senpai. But please wait a bit. I have to put a few more things inside the bags before I give them to you and the other senpais. So um..."

He rubbed the back of his neck shyly when they reached the bench area.

"Is it okay if you close your eyes for a bit, Rei-chan-senpai?"

Reiji let out a chuckle. "Sure thing, Nattsun." He grinned. "But no promises that I won't be tryin' to sneak a peek or two."

"Senpai!"

"Just kidding!"

Reiji closed his eyes with a smile and Natsuki did what he had made up his mind to do. This was quite interesting. Reiji knew that Natsuki had done more shopping than he had, but somehow it had not crossed his mind that Natsuki had been thinking of the four senpais. But nevertheless, Reiji could feel a genuine smile warm him on the inside. Soon he felt something nudge him gently on the arm and he opened his eyes, only to find Natsuki holding out the viridian paper bag to him with a happy smile.

"This is for you, Rei-chan-senpai."

Natsuki smiled gently.

"I hope it makes you happy."

Reiji smiled back and opened the paper bag, careful to not tear the paper. His hand reached into the paper bag and found two things. The first was a small white box of tea bags. Reading the description, Reiji found that there was a collection of different tea bags inside the box such as chamomile, lavender and passionflower. The other thing, which made Reiji's heart melt, was a keychain that had a small teddy bear plushie attached to it. It was a furry brown teddy bear with a green jacket and black bowtie holding a grey fedora. Staring at the small and cute doll, Reiji couldn't help but smile as he remembered how Natsuki had whispered to the cashier after giving her a number of keyrings. None of the keyrings actually had dolls attached to them, which meant that they were probably a distraction covering what Natsuki was actually intending to give to the senpais. Reiji looked up at Natsuki and found him smiling softly and his smile brightened.

_How is this kouhai so sweet?_

"Thank you so, so much, Nattsun!"

Reiji hugged Natsuki tightly, a wide smile spreading across his face.

"It's so sweet and precious of you to buy these gifts for us! And this teddy bear is so, so cute!"

"You're welcome, Rei-chan-senpai," Natsuki answered as he hugged Reiji back, a smile evident in his voice. "I thought I'd buy you, Ai-chan, Myu-chan-senpai and Maru-chan-senpai a few gifts as a token of friendship. And that teddy bear reminded me of you, so I thought I'd buy it for you!"

Natsuki pulled away with bright green eyes.

"I'm so happy you're happy."

Reiji smiled back as he put the teddy bear back into the paper bag. "And if you don't mind me asking, Nattsun, why the tea?"

"Because..." Natsuki replied, his voice quieter, "of some thoughts that I had."

"What thoughts, Nattsun?" Reiji asked, curious.

"Eto..." Natsuki hesitated, unsure if he should say it. But as Reiji's expression turned worried, Natsuki knew that he had to say it or it would only hurt the senpai. "Because Rei-chan-senpai... we've known each other for a month and I... I have never seen you actually mad or upset. I know that you are normally cheerful and do your best to make us laugh, but I couldn't help but think to myself if you sometimes hid the pain. There's this feeling... that I can't seem to shake off and makes me worry about you. Maybe it's me overthinking, but even so, I care about you, Rei-chan-senpai."

Reiji stared at Natsuki in utter shock and disbelief. "Nattsun..."

"And I... I also noticed the dark circles near your eyes."

Natsuki spoke softly and that shocked Reiji even more. Natsuki had struck him as the oblivious type, not the perceptive kind - if anyone appeared perceptive on the outside, it was Ai, Camus, Masato and Tokiya. Ai had not been exaggerating when he said that Natsuki "deviated immensely from data"; even Reiji's first impression of Natsuki had been inaccurate despite how experienced the brunet was with people.

"Many times. And yet you never complained or admitted that you were tired when you really looked like you were. I wasn't sure if I should tell you about this as we just met a while back, but even so... I want to try and help you relax. That's why I chose those kinds of tea for you earlier. Because they are the kinds that help you have a peaceful sleep and relax after long days."

Natsuki smiled faintly.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but... I just want you to know that I care about you, Rei-chan-senpai, and I want to help you in any way I can, even the smallest possible way."

Honestly, if Reiji was not an expert at masking his true feelings, he would probably have cried right there and then. He had no idea that Natsuki had been looking out for him and in truth, the blond was actually completely right about Reiji, even if he was unsure of his own opinions. But... even with these overwhelming emotions, Reiji felt that he could not just tell everything and confirm Natsuki's words. Not yet, at least. He did not deserve Natsuki's kindness. He did not deserve to be consoled for his burdens and suffering or relieved of the guilt that tortured him at night. Natsuki was giving him far more than Reiji deserved and the latter did not want to take anymore than he had already been given. So with a slight smile, Reiji looked straight at Natsuki and spoke softly.

"You are already helping me, Nattsun. More than you think."

At least, that was not a lie. Reiji smiled and gave Natsuki's shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Whaddya say we fix the tea you gave me and chill in the living room together? How does that sound?"

Natsuki smiled gently and nodded and Reiji hugged him tightly, relieved that Natsuki did not press him about the matter. And that was exactly what they did when they got back to Shining's mansion, where Reiji was horrified to find the brutal punishments that his three band members had subjected the other kouhais to when they were gone. Natsuki and Reiji had fixed the chamomile tea and drank it together with Ai and Camus who had made a scathing remark about the tea that Cecil had fixed for him. Admittedly, the tea, coupled with the memory of Natsuki's warm kindness, had helped Reiji get better sleep than before. But there were times when he chose to not fix it for himself, unsure if he deserved that leeway out of his past of brokenness and guilt, if he deserved to be the recipient of such warmth. And the conclusion that he had reached was...

_I do not._

And as the days passed, Reiji also began to learn about Natsuki's painful selflessness, about how the latter pushed himself over the edge for everyone else's sake. That painful aspect of the kind-hearted kouhai had ended up leading them to the day he fell sick and tried to perform "Golden Star" with the rest of them, only to slip up onstage. Reiji would never forget that day, including the moment that Reiji took matters into his own hands by pulling Natsuki away from Ranmaru, Camus and Syo, who did not realize how severe Natsuki's condition was and criticized his performance, and looking out for the blond.

 _At the end..._ Reiji realized when he sat next to Natsuki during the closing of the concert, _even the painful aspects of ourselves are more alike to each other than we thought. But there's a huge difference between us._

When Reiji led a pale Natsuki backstage, he could not help but tighten his grip protectively around the younger male, his heart throbbing painfully.

_You're still open and earnest. I'm not._

End of Flashback

...

Reiji Kotobuki

_"As the seasons continue to pile up over and over,_

_I can no longer lie to my own heart_

_Nothing else matters in the time we've made_

_We'll be fascinated by lots of 'firsts'"_

The lyrics of "Never..." echoed inside Reiji's head, much warmer than they were before everything that had unravelled themselves, and he felt his heart soften at the words as he smiled gently up at the nightscape with Ai and Natsuki by his side.

_You two and Ran-Ran and Myu-chan transformed the meaning of those lyrics, and I wouldn't have it any other way. We've shared countless moments and memories, overwhelming, unwavering emotions and tears, laughter and smiles that were all in earnest, until the point that you four pulled me out of the shadows of the fedoras that had become props to hide my true feelings._

_And here we are._

Reiji turned his head over to face Natsuki and Ai, a content, genuine smile curved by his lips.

_You and your brightness and kindness, Nattsun; you and your sentiments and honesty, Ai-Ai; the three of us and our nostalgia and emotions and earnestness, all gathered in this special moment just for us. From the day we met until that stage performance, until that broken night, I never imagined that this would be where we are, but... here we are - us, Myu-chan and Ran-Ran - and even if I could... I wouldn't change a thing no matter what._

Reiji felt the grey fedora snuggled against the top of his head and his heart throbbed a little as a thought trembled through his head and he let his eyes fall to a close for a moment, contemplating his words and emotions.

_And tomorrow... no matter how tumultuous it may be, will come._

"Nattsun."

His voice now serious, Reiji opened his eyes and turned to Natsuki, who, along with Ai, was facing him with a confused yet curious expression. _I need to tell him._

"Yes, Rei-chan-senpai?"

"Let's get up for a moment," Reiji told him, carefully pulling Natsuki up by the arm. Ai got up as well and they were all in sitting position. "I need you to listen to me carefully and understand what I'm about to say."

Natsuki nodded in understanding, his green eyes concerned but resolute. "Okay."

"You and Ai-Ai know more than anyone how many lies I've told over the years, whether it is with my lips or the actions I've done to mislead people in terms of how I feel deep down inside of me," Reiji spoke quietly, one hand wrapping itself around Natsuki's shoulder. Natsuki's eyes widened in pain. "And as I've told you before, I used the fedora as a prop to conceal what I really feel, to make it look like I'm happy and alright when that was nowhere near the truth and I knew that."

Reiji let out a deep breath, his heart throbbing painfully in his chest.

"Tomorrow," he continued, "is not going to be the calmest or kindest day. With the threat and pressure and all the things that could make us uneasy, it will be hard to keep your composure and a smile on your face, and that is more than acceptable and reasonable. And one of the measures that all five of us agreed to use is the discreet signs that only we can interpret. We've rehearsed this in our hotel room and yours and mine are the exact same, which is the tilting down of our twin fedoras until they cover our eyes. This is your first time that you are going to use a fedora for anything other than fashion sense and that's why I want- no, _need_ you to promise me this."

Reiji clamped both of his hands on Natsuki's shoulder and stared deeply into his best friend's green eyes.

"Promise me... that you will not ever let yourself hide away your true feelings in the shadows of that fedora in any case other than that. That sign is for you to warn the rest of us and hide any discomfort that the public may detect, but please don't use it to the point that you start hiding your true feelings away from us. Because that was what I ended up doing... and look how much pain it caused, how I had made you cry because of it. And Nattsun... as your friend, I don't ever want you to make the same mistakes I did or suffer from the mistakes that I can never undo. And I know very well how much of a hypocrite I sound right now, but I love and care about you far more than I care about how awful of a person I sound like and am."

Reiji tightened his grip on Natsuki's shoulders, his emotions threatening to break his heart apart.

"Please promise me..." tears slid down Reiji's cheeks, "that you'll always remain as the open and earnest person you are... Nattsun."

"I promise... Rei-chan-senpai."

His voice quiet, Natsuki nodded silently, his green eyes smiling and yet glimmering with tears that had yet to fall.

"To you and Ai-chan. I promise because I don't want to see you guys sad either. I don't want... you guys to cry. I love you guys so, so much that the thought of hurting you hurts too much. No matter how painful tomorrow may be, I won't... make that mistake. I won't... and I can't."

He held out two pinky fingers and gave them a tearful smile.

"I promise. With all my heart, I promise."

Ai and Reiji smiled gently and linked their pinkies with Natsuki's, sealing their promise, before they both hugged their best friend tightly. The small teddy bear that Natsuki had given Reiji was actually at the apartment, sitting next to his night lamp. It had been one of the first things that Natsuki spotted and talked about when Camus moved into Natsuki's bedroom and Natsuki moved into Reiji's. _Did it help you relax at least a little bit?_ Natsuki had asked curiously with a soft smile on his face. And Reiji had pulled him into a tight hug and told him that the fact that Natsuki cared and gave it to him helped him the most.

_Our irreplaceable, unchangeable "firsts", as well as the rest of our memories..._

Reiji closed his eyes and held both Natsuki and Ai even tighter, smiling as the tears slid down his face.

_Let them always remain as dear and innocuous as they've always been, not stained by dark turns or broken tragedies... please._

Ranmaru Kurosaki

_This group is full of broken people._

Sitting on the thin windowsill, Ranmaru leaned back and stared out at the illuminated nightscape.

_Not a single one of us ain't cracked on the inside. Don't even try to tell me otherwise._

The thought stirred inside Ranmaru's head when he was scrolling through the five-man unit's concept photos. As much as Ranmaru would never admit it out loud, he knew very well that each and every one of them suffered deep down inside of them, whether they talked about it or not. It took one to understand emotions in order to truly convey them, and that was why not a single one of them slipped up during the shoot. Ranmaru and Camus' atmospheres leaned more towards peace, while Ai, Reiji and Natsuki's were more explicitly on the sorrowful side. And Ranmaru could tell that not a single person, even Camus, was faking anything when they agreed to convey what they felt deep down within them.

Ranmaru could not help but pause when Reiji's photo came up on the screen, his lips pursed in a grim line. It was a huge mistake to think that this clown-like guy could not be serious, 'cause he sure was dead-on focused in front of the camera and in regards to what he felt, and it showed in the finished product. In the solo shot, Reiji was falling from the sky upside down, his hair and head close to touching the clear water of the lake that reflected the azure sky. The staff had used CG for this, combining a photo of the landscape and of Reiji laying on the ground to create a photo that made it look as though he was actually falling head-first from the sky. Reiji was wearing a white T-shirt, a loose navy blue jacket and long black trousers along with a grey fedora with a green band and white sneakers. With the addition of autumn leaves and white petals adorning the shot, his clothes billowed in the wind as he gently tilted his fedora upwards towards the sky, adding to the dreamlike quality that the shot was aiming for. But what got to Ranmaru the most was the look on Reiji's face. His lips were curved into a serene smile, but his grey eyes were definitely not smiling. His grey eyes held the expression that looked almost as if he was torn over whether he deserved to drown in that lake or live a painful life, and that... was the true definition of "heart-wrenching".

_I know that I can be rude and all to 'em at times - fine, maybe more than "at times" - but not a single one of 'em deserve to be broken. Not Camus with his persona that makes him look like he does not care when he actually does, not Ai with his sentiments with the sorrow of lacking the heart that the rest of us have, not Natsuki with his kindness that he would do anything to keep burning brightly for everyone's sake even if it meant him being broken, and not Reiji who looks out for everyone even with a past that burdens him and yet was told to die... I swear if anything - and I mean anything - goes wrong for anyone of them because of that lowlife who chose to pick a fight with the whole lot of us..._

Shutting his eyes, Ranmaru gritted his teeth, his grip on his phone tightening.

_Don't blame me if I feel like breaking them because no one freaking gets away with breaking anyone of us, even in this broken world._

_"As the seasons continue to pile up over and over,_

_I can no longer lie to my own heart_

_Nothing else matters in the time we've made_

_We'll be fascinated by lots of 'firsts'"_

\- "Never...", by Reiji Kotobuki (Showtaro Morikubo)


	32. Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Violence

Reiji Kotobuki

"So now's the time for some serious honesty. My boys and girls, did we carve a mark in your hearts?"

Reiji held the microphone closer to his mouth and smiled out at the crowd waving their light sticks in a passionate frenzy.

"Did we bring emotions overflowing into your hearts with our live?"

The fans burst into thunderous cheers, shouts and applause, the viridian, crimson, yellow, ice-blue and lilac light sticks being waved even more fervidly all over the audience areas, sending sparks alighting the glowing hall and stage with even brighter flames and fireworks. Reiji could barely hear his unsteady yet electrified heartbeat as his smile widened and he yelled out a cheer of sheer joy, exclaiming that they were making his and his friends' hearts brim with even more fire and passion than before. As the fans' cheers amplified, Reiji turned to the four people standing by his side, adjusting his black fedora and wiping the sweat on his forehead with a genuine smile. Standing on his left were Ai and Camus and on his right were Natsuki and Ranmaru. He threw his arms around both Natsuki and Ai, his heart lit up with pure happiness as the five of them all smiled genuinely at one another.

_None of us would be smiling like this if it weren't for one another._

"It appears that you have improved in your pre-performance decorum."

Camus crossed his arms with an approving hum.

"Despite the threats and cruel comments on social media, you are able to conceal your discomfort and fear behind a calm, unfazed exterior, which is extremely crucial for this performance to be a success," he remarked, his ice-blue eyes a little gentler. "Keep it up, Shinomiya, and this will proceed smoothly."

"It ain't wrong to feel on edge, 'specially since we all technically are," Ranmaru spoke, tousling Natsuki's wavy hair with a lopsided grin. "But don't forget to be yourself and show the crowd what you're made of 'cause that's the whole point of this show, got it?"

Natsuki nodded with a faint smile as Reiji draped an arm around him and beamed. The five of them were in the left wing backstage - with Tokiya, Ren, Syo, Otoya, Cecil and Masato in the right wing - waiting for their cue to reveal themselves to the crowd for the introductory segment. With less than ten minutes on the clock, they were checking on one another one last time to make sure that all of them were alright, with Ai taking note of everyone's heartbeats, none of them forgetting the threat message shot at Natsuki days ago. Throughout the past few days, all of them had been giving Natsuki pointers on how to be calmer and more composed despite fears and worries, with Camus surprisingly being patient and mild in his stern teaching. And they all could tell that Natsuki had been trying his best and taken the advice to heart and that it all paid off at this very moment as their time to go up onstage approached.

"What is calming me the most is the thought of making you guys happy," Natsuki admitted, smiling gently. "You guys and Eli-kun. I wouldn't be alright right now if you guys weren't there for me, and as today came, as I did my best to stay strong, more than anything, I thought of you, and it's what gives me strength more than anything." His eyes brightened. "I want to be a reason you can smile and I'll do everything I can."

"And that's exactly what you're doing right now!" Reiji exclaimed, his smile brightening as he tightened his arm around Natsuki. "And we're all rooting for you! Eli-chan too; the kiddo was really happy to see you and even hugged ya just now!"

"Speaking of that..."

Ai turned to Natsuki.

"Come over here for a moment, Natsuki."

Natsuki nodded and walked towards Ai, and much to everyone's surprise, the youngest of the five of them pulled Natsuki into a gentle hug. Reiji's eyes widened along with Camus and Ranmaru's and even Natsuki appeared surprised as Ai closed his eyes and wrapped his arms a little tighter. Ai was normally not the one who initiated hugs - that would be Natsuki and Reiji. But that was exactly what Ai was doing right now. A few moments after Natsuki hugged Ai back, they let go of each other and Ai glanced around at all of them with an unfazed expression.

"Based on my observation, hugs calm Natsuki down by a considerable amount," Ai spoke matter-of-factly. "It was precisely what happened when Eli hugged Natsuki back in the greenroom, so I thought that a hug would help Natsuki the most right now." He turned to Natsuki, whose green eyes were smiling softly, and he smiled faintly. "I do not even need to check his heartbeat to tell that he is calmer on the inside; his expression says everything."

"Ya know," Reiji remarked, stroking his chin with a smile, "you can be real sweet from time to time, Ai-Ai."

"Which is quite weird considering his sharp tongue," Ranmaru added with a grin. "Man, the two youngest out of us five are full of surprises and sentiments, huh?"

"But Rei-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai and Maru-chan-senpai can be sentimental too!" Natsuki chimed in with a bright smile. "Like how Maru-chan-senpai went to the petting zoo because he missed the cats and was worried about the injured-"

"Oi!" Ranmaru yelled, his face crimson with embarrassment as Reiji burst out laughing. "It's bad enough that you all found out thanks to your ability to talk to every animal! And it's even worse that Reiji and that ice prick can now use it as blackmail material!"

"Wha- Blackmail? Ran-Ran-"

"Who is to say that I do not have more humiliating things to divulge in regards to you?" Camus scoffed. He gestured at Ai. "The same applies to Mikaze. With his intellect and ability to gather information, I am certain that he has more unspoken facts about you that you do not wish to be let known to public."

"If any of you two freaking dare say a word, I swear-"

"Mr Kotobuki, Mr Mikaze, Mr Shinomiya, Mr Kurosaki and Mr Camus, five more minutes before your cue!"

"Got it, Director-san!" Reiji responded to the stage director as the rest of them nodded. Man, that was getting his adrenaline pumping in his blood like a wildfire and him rearing to go up onstage and light up the crowd's hearts in flames of passion and emotion. Propelled forward by his earnest wishes to make today one to be carved into memory with his four close friends, Reiji turned to them and beamed with a heart alight with pure emotions. And from the emotions reflected in their eyes, Reiji knew that they all felt the same way.

"So the show's 'bout to go down," Reiji said as the five of them huddled together, with him standing between Natsuki and Ranmaru. "Regardless of the threats or potential problems, regardless who tries to stop us from doing what we have to or want to, from being together with one another, we won't back down even the slightest bit. We're here to set the record straight and make today a day to be remembered with sincere smiles, a day that will linger and burn in our hearts as an undying memory. And nothing will stop us from doing so because the five of us... are one. Because we love and support one another and nothing will ever change that."

With the emotions illuminating a formerly-dormant heart that had been awaken by the four people dear to him and standing before him, Reiji held out a curled fist and smiled with sheer determination.

"So let's carve today into everyone's hearts, including our own, my dear friends."

Exchanging sincere smiles that mirrored one another's determination, strength and earnestness, the five of them held out curved fists and bumped them in the centre, illuminating the beginning of a show that was to start within more moments in an undying glow. The introductions had opened the live, with all eleven Shining Stars singing "Golden Star", which had slammed the memories of Natsuki slipping up onstage the first time due to falling ill and yet pushing himself to perform onto Reiji's heart like a wall of bricks. And right after the Shining Stars' "Golden Star" was Tokiya's unit performing their new song, which Reiji had to admit was catchy and cool - definitely one of the most mature songs any of the six had sung - along with a number of STARISH songs, before Reiji, Natsuki, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus got their turn.

And the moment the five of them appeared before the crowd, together, they made their mark on today with the emotions overflowing from their hearts.

"And as a big, wholesome thanks for all your love and support, the five of us have one surprise for ya before the break!"

Ranmaru threw an arm around Natsuki and grinned as he held the microphone closer to his mouth.

"Whaddya say to a combined arrangement of a Natsuki solo and a QUARTET NIGHT song? Specifically 'Top Star Revolution' and 'QUARTET NIGHT', before we really wrap things up?" he yelled out to the audience.

The crowd burst into a frenzy of applause and waves of glowing light sticks and the sounds only rose and amplified in volume and passion when Ranmaru shouted out, "Louder, everyone! Louder so that the whole stage'll light up in flames!" And that was when the lights dimmed into near pitch blackness and the stage changed colours into a glowing yellow with white rims. Immediately, all five of them nodded at one another and went to their designated positions - with Reiji, Ai and Natsuki on the left and Ranmaru and Camus on the right. This was all perfectly going to plan. The idea of making this arrangement had come to light one day when they were talking about their past releases and Ai remarked that Natsuki's "Top Star Revolution" and QUARTET NIGHT's "QUARTET NIGHT" had melodies that could be synchronised beautifully and in deep harmony. So they had made an arrangement that included both songs together and divided the total lines equally, creating "Top Star Revolution X QUARTET NIGHT". They had practised together for days to perfect the vocals and choreography, with Natsuki and the senpais teaching each other the aspects of their respective songs. Getting ready to sing as he was to sing the first line, Reiji glanced at both Ai and Natsuki with a genuine smile, the hot, radiating emotions in his heart threatening to overflow, and he embraced this feeling, this adrenaline and passion, with everything that he had.

He beamed as he clutched his microphone even tighter and out of the corner of his eye, Natsuki returned the smile.

_This is the best live I could have ever asked for._

"Our fourth performance of the day," Camus said, reciting the lines that the five of them had agreed upon and come up with with their minds and hearts. He was smiling an actual determined smile instead of the ones he had perfected for his butler act. "We will take you in a whirlwind of emotions - this time, a different kind. The first three focused on gentle, moving sentimentality; this one shall alight every ounce of ardour and strength deep within each and every crevice of your being."

"Stars do not only glow and sparkle," Ai continued, smiling faintly as they all started approaching one another, "but also burn and light up the entire dusk as they fall and shoot down the night like a rain of fire. As your stars on this stage, we will be sure to ignite not only this stage, but your hearts until they themselves ignite the sky."

"So right now," Natsuki concluded with a gentle but resolute smile as they stopped walking when the five of them met at the centre of the stage, "let us make sure that this memory glows and burns in everyone's hearts, that its light is undying like a starry night sky glowing past shadows and darkness. For everyone, for one another..."

"So now," all five of them said as they held out curled fists just like they had backstage, "this is our live of fire."

They looked at one another and exchanged genuine smiles before their fists met in a hard and determined fist bump.

"Off to the stars! 'Top Star Revolution X QUARTET NIGHT'!"

Immediately, the lights dissipated into pitch darkness and as soon as the five of them parted and went into their positions, Reiji let out an exhale and began the opening acapella of the arrangement. Followed by Ranmaru, then Ai, then Camus, then Natsuki, and finally, all of them when each and every one of them were illuminated by golden spotlights, and the crowd's clapping and cheers rose like a wildfire as the fireworks effect was triggered.

"This is where the harmonizations begin again, alright!"

Reiji couldn't help but yell out in excitement over the instrumentals as he sprinted over to Natsuki and Ai and threw his arms around the both of them.

"Let's go, Nattsun, Ai-Ai, Myu-chan, Ran-Ran!"

Everyone agreed enthusiastically, with Natsuki wrapping his arm around him and Ai, Ranmaru and Camus nodding, and the change in the beat signalled the start of Reiji, Natsuki and Camus' harmonization. It was utterly amazing; the sheer power of this live and its impact on Reiji. If Reiji hadn't known better, he would be jumping up and down on the stage the whole time with an accelerated, pulsating heart, the adrenaline and sheer emotions dangerously close to overflowing throughout his body. Even the sentimental parts of his live had ceaselessly hyped him up with each passing moment to the point that he could have mistaken this as an astounding dream that he would eventually wake up from. Beaming brightly, he draped his right arm over Natsuki's shoulders and leaned his left elbow on Camus' shoulder, deciding to ignore the fact that the latter would most likely smack his head with his sceptre for this, as they sang their shared part before it was Ranmaru and Ai's turn.

" _Wandering in a pitch-black labyrinth, covered in sand,_

 _The light from the moon is almost empty..._ "

The first performance had been Natsuki, Reiji and Ai's sub-unit's song, while the second had been that of Ranmaru and Camus'. The third performance was a song that had a rearrangement of the instrumentals of Natsuki's self-composed "Warm Heart" and lyrics that the five of them had come up with together intertwined with one another. Reiji could vividly remember how the five of them had exchanged sincere smiles and bro-fists throughout the third performance. How Ranmaru and Camus had read out their prologue and sung together with raw emotions in the second performance with the pond area as the background on the screen. How Reiji, Ai and Natsuki had read their prologue as well held one another's hands and hugged one another during the first performance, with a shower of flower petals and autumn leaves across a bright azure sky being their background. Reiji himself had nearly teared up during the first performance during the part where the three of them reached for one another's hands and grasped them tightly as they sang quietly and gently and Ranmaru and Camus' emotions and everyone's togetherness did not help stop the tears from trying to push their way out.

_"I want you so much, I'm trembling_

_I want to snatch you away right now"_

Never had Reiji wholeheartedly enjoy himself at a live performance nearly as much as he did now, even with years and years of being in the show business. The deep, irreplaceable bond that the five of them all shared with one another had transformed everything, like winter transitioning to an inimitable, gorgeous spring. He glanced at Natsuki and could not help the gentle smile slanting on his lips as he watched his best friend sing. Natsuki was wearing what Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru had picked out for him two days ago. With his blond hair neatened by the stylist, Natsuki wore a white collared dress shirt, unbuttoned black vest with a few yellow star imprints, matching black trousers and white sneakers with navy blue shoelaces. On his right wrist was a yellow armband and on top of his head was a black fedora that twinned with Reiji's own. Reiji could not help but feel his heart swell with pride and happiness for his best friend as Natsuki grabbed his viola from the corner of the stage and started playing it along with the instrumentals, intensifying the strength surging throughout the live as the crowd shouted out to the five of them.

 _I want to keep having these lives, this happiness..._ Reiji thought as they all sang the chorus and Ranmaru started to strum his bass guitar with equal passion to that with which Natsuki was playing his viola. _You're not a QUARTET NIGHT member, but more than anything, I want you to keep performing with us, to keep soaring to new heights with us, singing, dancing and being here for one another with a bond and chemistry that no one can imitate, that would not be achieved if any of us weren't here._

During the instrumental break, Reiji playfully tilted Natsuki's fedora up and with Natsuki's eyes widening in surprise, they exchanged smiles and laughed.

 _Could you... Would it be possible if you..._ The words trailed across Reiji's head, but he quickly dismissed them as he laughed when Ranmaru slapped him on the forehead. _Not now. I'm bound to only be distracted if I let myself be immersed in these questions. But thanks to you... this live really feels like a dream. A dream that I don't wanna see end. That is overflowing with so much happiness and emotions that it almost seems unreal. I know that this live performance is gonna end within mere moments, but I'm not holdin' back a single bit._

_"Since someone is here, I'll play this prayer song!_

_Now I've found my answer! Resound, revolution!"_

_"Show my your heart!"_

_So with a deep, earnest resolution..._

Reiji grasped his microphone even tighter with a sincere smile glowing in his heart.

_Let our hearts resound into the sky._

Otoya Ittoki

"Oh my gosh... look at them go."

"Everyone out there is having the time of their lives," Ren remarked, a smile evident in his voice as the crowd burst into tremendous applause, "including Shinomi and the senpais. They nailed everything from the introductions all the way until the very end. Not a surprise. Looks like we've got our work cut out for us, Cesshi."

"Yep," Cecil agreed enthusiastically.

Otoya could barely hear Ren and Cecil speak as he watched Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru from the right wing of the stage, their five-man unit's performance having just ended. The crowd loved it. Everyone loved it. From start until finish. From the moment they stepped up on stage to the present in which they bowed deeply. Standing between a cursing Syo and a stoic Tokiya, Otoya remained silent as Ranmaru tousled Ai's teal hair and Reiji wrapped his arms around Camus and Natsuki, his heart clenching at their glowing friendship.

 _I haven't done enough_ , Otoya thought, his heart constricted by even more anguish. _I haven't done enough to bring Natsuki back, to make sure he comes back and is forced away from Rei-chan and the other senpais. If anything, the opposite happened! They are still close... actually, much closer than ever. All of them! When the note told them that Natsuki has to be away from the four of them!_

Otoya barely resisted the urge to shut his eyes.

_But... it's not over._

"It seems that none of them are backing down despite the recent events."

Tokiya furrowed his eyebrows.

"I am not surprised. But I was not expecting the live to go this smoothly either."

"Who on freaking earth is working these miracles for that lot?" Syo demanded.

Even now, the six of them were in separate worlds. Ren and Cecil were talking on their own while Masato was listening to Syo and Tokiya. Otoya, on the other hand, kept his eyes on Natsuki, who pulled Ai into a half-hug as the five of them waved at the fans and walked towards the left wing. This was not going to be the ending. This could not be the ending. During the break, Otoya would excuse himself to the restroom, where he would check if everything was in order. The plans in Round 1 and Round 2 did not work, but those did not come close to what Otoya had waiting on this very day. Not even the slightest bit close. Resisting the sudden urge to cry, Otoya let out a deep breath as he pushed away the memories of the argument that he had had with Ren and Cecil, trying not to think of how he had avoided talking to them and even moved to Syo's room ever since then.

_I warned you, Natsuki. I already did. But if all this is what it takes for this to end..._

Otoya gripped the ends of his red jacket tightly, his hands close to quivering.

_... so be it._

Ai Mikaze

"Ya found anythin' yet, Ai?"

"No," Ai answered as he reversed the timeline of the surveillance footage and Ranmaru rested an elbow on his right shoulder. "I have not found any notable deviations in any activities or individuals. However, I may need to reverse back to an earlier timeline to be certain of the situation."

He stopped at 21:04:11 to study the movements of the staff members of the night shift and played the footage.

"I would like to be absolutely certain that there will be no harm caused to any of us."

While Natsuki and Reiji had gone accompanying Eli looking for his parents so that the family could go have a look at the food and drink stalls set up in the area, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru were in their five-man unit's greenroom, the latter having just come back from taking free bottles of fruit juice from the refreshments area. It was the time of interval between the segments of the show and while Camus was reading a novel, Ai had hacked into the CCTV system and was looking through surveillance footage to see if there was any suspicious activity, desiring to identify any possible threats before they were realized. Ai noticed a young, male staff member acting nervously and running across the hallway, but tracing back his movements, Ai saw that the young man was simply frantic about forgetting a number of boxes from one of the trucks.

_Nothing yet._

"At the very least, no harm was done during our live awhile ago."

Ai turned and found a grin on Ranmaru's face.

"That was a rockin', killer bunch of performances, all nailed in their own way. Man, that was the most exhilarated I've ever been in performing."

"I don't disagree." Ai nodded with a faint smile as he switched to the footage from the corridor. "Even minutes after we left the stage, I can still sense this passionate, vibrant sensation within me,the emotions from the live that the five of us shared. Even with the threat in mind... it is the most fulfilling and enjoyable live that I have ever done in my time of living, from the beginning until the end."

He smiled a little more as Ranmaru's grin widened.

"I would very much like to have more lives just like this one."

"Agreed." Camus closed his book and nodded. He turned to Ranmaru, his gaze not as cold as usual. "As much as we agree about close to nothing, it was not bad synchronising and cooperating with the likes of you, Kurosaki. In fact, it was admittedly rather enjoyable."

"Right back at ya, ice prick." Ranmaru crossed his arms with a light smirk. "As much as a prick ya can be on a daily basis, it was real nice seeing ya bare your heart out during that rocking live."

"I can now sincerely say that there is another reason that this live was miraculous," Ai commented as his fingers glided across the keyboard.

"What would that be, Mikaze?" Camus asked as Ranmaru craned his head.

"The fact that the two of you are actually complimenting each other out of goodwill," Ai answered as he clicked on the screen that showed the left wing of the stage. "I am certain that Reiji and Natsuki would be especially glad to know that you are getting closer to each other."

"Closer- Oi, Ai! Don't be mistaken about what the sugar addict and I are doin' and don't you tell either of those two about-"

"Maru-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, we're back!"

The door swinging open, a smiling Natsuki and Reiji entered the greenroom, each of them carrying a number of shoeboxes piled over one another.

"Did we miss anything, guys?"

"No, you did not-"

"Camus and Ranmaru were having an emotional moment of honesty with each other."

"Ai!" Ranmaru yelled, staring at Ai in utter disbelief along with Camus. "What happened to not sayin' a freaking word about this to those two? They're gonna-"

"They did?" Reiji's eyes began to shimmer with pure happiness as Natsuki beamed and Camus facepalmed. "What did I say about you two loving each other? This is a big, big step in your friendship, alright! Let big bro Rei-chan give ya guys a h-"

"I would rather pass, Kotobuki."

"Myu-chan! Don't be like-"

"What's with the boxes anyway?" Ranmaru swiftly changed the topic and leapt out of the way before Natsuki could envelop him with a tight hug. "Are those the shoes for our opening round performances?"

"Yep." Natsuki nodded with a smile despite the fact that Ranmaru had dodged his hug. "Two of the staff members gave us these boxes on the way back after helping Eli-kun find his parents. They asked us to try them on and let them know if they accidentally got their sizes wrong."

"So let us try them on now," Ai said as Natsuki and Reiji started taking the shoes out of their respective boxes. "It is most beneficial to everyone if we notice any problems as early as possible."

"Like if Kurosaki's feet have grown too large to fit into his shoes," Camus remarked and Ranmaru scowled at him.

"Ya pickin' a fight here, you sugar addict?"

"Can you tell the difference between a casual, truthful remark and a provocation, fool?"

"It's both and you know it, you piece of-"

"Hold on, Nattsun. Those do not look like the kind of shoes you're supposed to be wearing."

"Eto..." Natsuki uttered, blinking as he looked down at the pair of black leather shoes in his hands. "Now that you mentioned it, Rei-chan-senpai, these shoes don't exactly match our opening unit's theme and are very different from yours."

"If anythin', they look like what my opening unit should be wearin'."

Ranmaru took the shoes from Natsuki and frowned at them.

"Mind if I try 'em on for a bit? Maybe they switched ours by mistake since the ones they gave me could be yours or mine from the looks of 'em."

"No problem, Maru-chan-senpai."

Natsuki shook his head with a smile and Ranmaru placed the leather shoes on the floor. Ai could not help but narrow his eyes as Camus closed his book and Natsuki and Reiji glanced at each other in confusion. Ranmaru made a valid point; those shoes should not be Natsuki's. With a more sentimental and innocuous song, Natsuki's opening unit was to be given shoes with lighter colours that actually matched their outfits, so these black leather shoes appeared quite out of place. Perhaps, the staff members gave Natsuki these by accident. Ranmaru rolled up the sleeve of his black trousers, still frowning, and proceeded to place his right foot inside the leather shoe.

Out of a sudden, he let out a shriek.

"Argh!"

"Ran-Ran!" Reiji exclaimed as Ranmaru leaped backwards and swore loudly. He grabbed the nearest chair and with gritted teeth, his head snapped down to his right foot and Ai's eyes dilated. Numerous small holes had been punctured into the sole of his right foot and crimson blood leaked out of them and dribbled down onto the white floor like cold ink staining a pristine surface. An agonized Natsuki rushed to get the first-aid kit from the cupboard as Ai went to get a pair of scissors from another cupboard and Reiji and Camus tried to calm a cursing Ranmaru down.

"What on freaking, freaking-"

"Try your best to calm down, Ran-Ran. Nattsun's getting the first-aid kit; you'll be fine. We're all here."

"Easy for you to freaking say!" Even as Ai concentrated on searching for the scissors in the cupboard's drawers, he could audibly hear Ranmaru shout at the top of his lungs. Soon enough, he found a small pair of black scissors. "You're not the one bleeding out!"

"Shouting for all the world to hear is not alleviating the situation, fool."

"You shut it, you freaking-"

"I got the kit, senpais!"

Natsuki crouched down in front of Ranmaru and took out a small bottle of disinfecting alcohol and a pack of alcohol swaps as Ai walked towards them. He glanced up at Ranmaru with pure worry in his eyes.

"Just... please do your best to stay still, Maru-chan-senpai. It'll hurt, but I need to disinfect your wound and stop the bleeding."

"Go freaking ahead and do what ya have to," Ranmaru responded with a frustrated tone, although it was clear that it was not directed at Natsuki. Gritting his teeth with blazing heterochromatic eyes, he snapped his head over to Ai. "What on freaking earth are in those shoes?"

As Ranmaru cursed loudly when Natsuki gently pressed a wet alcohol swap to the wounds, Ai took the right leather shoe that Ranmaru had attempted to try on and used the scissors to cut it open from the centre.Once a thin line had been cut through the surface, Ai pulled the leather open and his eyes widened.

"Mikaze, what-"

The normally-composed Camus let out a barely-stifled gasp as Reiji's eyes widened in horror and Ranmaru spat out a curse. Small, silver thumbtacks were sticking to the inner sole of the leather shoe. As they glinted under the fluorescent lamps with crimson blood and Natsuki glanced at the thumbtacks with shock and pain crossing his features, Ai could sense a sickening sensation inside his chest and narrowing his eyes, he took the other leather shoe and cut it open the same way, only for that horrid sensation to amplify at the identical sight of thumbtacks.

"Thumbtacks. Freaking, freaking _thumbtacks_."

Ranmaru's heterochromatic eyes smouldered with sheer rage as he clenched his fists even tighter.

"Just who is this sicko? Was it not enough shooting a rock through a freaking window?"

_"Unless you do as I say and return to those six best friends of yours like you should have a long, long time ago, more suffering is bound to come before you even realize it. So do me a favour and spare me the difficulty by packing your bags and going back before the big show with QUARTET NIGHT and the rest of STARISH."_

Ai narrowed his eyes coldly as he mentally recalled the threat note that Natsuki had received from the person who had shot the rock at his wounded arm. This individual had done more than cross the line. They had threatened Natsuki, as well as attempted to assault him twice, with Ranmaru taking the blow in his stead this time. Natsuki quietly wrapped white gauze around Ranmaru's injured foot as Reiji clenched his teeth and cold resentment overshadowed Camus' ice-blue eyes, and Ai could sense a tide of anger cross his chest. Never had Ai felt this much resentment or anger towards anything. This was utterly intolerable and deplorable. Two of his friends had been physically harmed and every single one of them had been hurt emotionally, and Ai was not about to allow matters to end this way.

No one was.

"I will give Shining a much needed call."

"I will attempt to trace the origin of the shoe sabotage."

"I'll go ask the staff to give us more time-"

"No, you stay here," Ranmaru interrupted, clamping a hand onto Natsuki's shoulder as Ai opened his laptop and Camus took out his cellphone. "Reiji, you go. I need to have a word with Natsuki."

Without questioning it, Reiji nodded with a grave expression in his grey eyes and ran out of the greenroom, the door swinging shut tightly. Ai shifted his focus to the surveillance footage as Camus dialled Shining's number and Ranmaru heaved out a heavy sigh.

"Natsuki, I want you to look me in the eye right now."

Ai clicked on the screen in which Natsuki and Reiji received the shoeboxes from the staff members and started to carefully reverse the staff members' footsteps as Ranmaru spoke in a serious tone.

"Good. Now listen carefully. Don't you feel like this is your fault. It ain't and I am gonna shove a flying fist at the psycho who tried to hurt ya. They'll realize that their plan went haywire the moment they see me limpin' and they're bound to mess with their trash right after. And when they do, we'll catch 'em red-handed and they're freaking dead." Ranmaru inhaled a sharp breath and let it out. "Meanwhile, you go on with the show with your head held up high and show that moron that you ain't backing down even the slightest bit. Show them that you ain't afraid to reach for your happiness because you freaking deserve it as much as the rest of us lot do."

Ai looked up from his screen and saw Ranmaru tighten his grip on Natsuki's shoulder, the silver-haired rocker's eyes burning with emotion.

"Got it, Natsuki?"

With eyes that were filled with hurt and yet were serious, Natsuki nodded quietly and Ranmaru patted him on the back. As Ranmaru proceeded to tell Natsuki that he would probably be throwing and breaking things already if the latter and the others were not here, Camus started to speak, having gotten ahold of Shining, and Ai continued to trace the movements of the staff members, hoping to identify the culprit.

_Reiji can be convincing when the situation calls for it, both with words and actions. Hopefully he can convince the staff members to extend the interval for at least ten more minutes; Ranmaru and Natsuki especially need it after what occurred in order to calm down._

Camus handed the cellphone over to Ranmaru to speak with Shining while Natsuki went out to help Reiji talk to the staff and Ai carefully reversed the footage, not wanting to miss any deviations that could aid their cause.

_These cruel deviations need to end._

Otoya Ittoki

_No, no, no, no!_

Otoya barely held himself back from screaming as the staff member apologized again before walking out of the greenroom where he, Cecil, Tokiya, Masato, Syo and Ren were in.

_It wasn't supposed to be Ranmaru-senpai!_

"This is the second assault attempt on Shinomiya."

Masato closed his eyes with a grave expression.

"If this continues, the entire show may as well be jeopardized. Shinomiya's arm is still injured and now Kurosaki-san can barely walk on his own. I do not know who is behind this, but they need to be stopped at all costs."

"There is surveillance throughout the entire place," Tokiya spoke, crossing his arms. "Whoever the culprit is should be unveiled once the footage has been looked over meticulously."

"I really hope this doesn't get any worse," Cecil said with sadness in his eyes.

"Likewise, Cesshi."

 _It was me_ , Otoya thought to himself as he sat between Syo and Tokiya, his heart clenching and unclenching in his chest, _but you don't know that. You can't know that._

But deep down, as much as he tried to hide it from his friends, Otoya was already panicking. When the staff member came into their greenroom to deliver the news, Otoya had expected _Natsuki_ to be the injured one, not Ranmaru! The man that Otoya had hired had switched out Natsuki's shoes with a pair that already had small, light thumbtacks glued to the inner sole, so Otoya had expected Natsuki to be injured the moment he tried them on. But instead, the design of the shoes raised suspicion that they were not Natsuki's to begin with and Ranmaru had ended up being the victim when it should be Natsuki - when Otoya needed it to be Natsuki so that the fans would begin to think that he was a liability to QUARTET NIGHT. Thank goodness Otoya had not decided to go on with the additional part of the plan to frame Ranmaru by telling the man he hired to plant a small pack of thumbtacks in the latter's bag - that would have only made it all worse for Otoya.

_Why is it so, so hard to get you to come back? Why does everything seem to be working against me no matter what? Why are all my plans failing one by one even when the damage has been done?_

Otoya had a sudden, violent urge to lock himself inside a cubicle, clutch his head, and scream.

_It's all falling apart. It's all falling apart. It-_

"Otoya... Otoya!"

"Huh?"

Snapped out of his thoughts, Otoya quickly swivelled around to face Syo, whose blue eyes were filled with concern.

"You okay, man? We called you several times, but you never answered."

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine!" Otoya laughed, scratching the back of his head. "Sorry, sorry! I was just thinking about what happened to Ranmaru-senpai and Natsuki. It's really scary, honestly. I don't want anything else to go wrong."

_Hopefully the rest of the plans work._

"Yep, let's hope so, Ikki," Ren responded with a smile, but Otoya could see the strained look in his friend's blue eyes. Cecil also looked worried, but Otoya pretended that he did not notice and proceeded to change the topic to the extension of the break between the show's segments. Although his plans had been failing, Otoya was not done. The next segment would put more of his plans in motion and he hoped for all of STARISH's sake that Natsuki would actually do what Otoya wanted him to do and go back to them. Everyone would probably be mad at Otoya if they knew it was him, but he knew that this was all Natsuki's fault. If Natsuki had not let it get this far, it would not have.

_If everyone gets even more hurt, you only have yourself to blame, because this is all because of you._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Like I said before, this injury ain't the end of the world."

Ranmaru grinned as he stopped playing the bass and Natsuki pulled his bow away from his viola and Reiji stopped playing the maracas.

"I may not be able to dance later on, but you bet I can still jam with these guys and rock this show. Gimme a high-five, you two!"

The audience burst into thunderous applause as Ai and Camus smiled and Reiji and Natsuki exchanged smiles and headed towards where Ranmaru was seated with his bass resting on his lap. After an extension of ten minutes for the break between segments, all the Shining Stars had no choice but to proceed with the show's next segment, which was the interview and talking session. Syo, Cecil, Otoya, Tokiya, Ren and Masato sat on the left side of the stage while Camus, Ranmaru, Ai, Natsuki and Reiji sat on the right side, with the interviewer, Luxo, sat in the centre of the two groups. Ranmaru had calmed down during the break, but the audience had gasped in shock and horror when they saw him limping from the right wing, with his arm wrapped around Natsuki's shoulder. After numerous questions about the project, working together and music amongst other things, Ranmaru had pointed out the fans' unsettling emotions in regards to his condition and decided to prove that he was fine by performing a short, improvised version of his song "Only One" with Reiji playing the maracas and Natsuki playing the viola.

_"You guys know I'm limpin', but you do know that I've still got my voice and rocking soul, right?"_

Ranmaru high-fived Reiji and Natsuki and tousled the latter's blond hair with a wide grin. Natsuki smiled sincerely at Ranmaru, glad that his friend was coping well with the situation and enjoying himself, before returning to his seat with Reiji, who wound an arm around his back with a bright smile.

_"That's how I know that even if I can't walk, I'm still gonna nail everythin' else that I can, understand, guys?"_

"Splendid performance, Kurosaki-san, Shinomiya-san and Kotobuki-san! You five really were telling the truth when you said that being with one another brings out the best in all of you!"

Mr Luxo beamed and gave them a thumbs-up sign as Natsuki sat between Reiji and Ai.

"Emotions, togetherness, expressions... all eleven of you are truly full of surprises. And speaking of surprises..." Luxo's eyes smiled under the lights of the stage, "the staff members have all prepared a wonderful surprise for each and every one of you!"

Natsuki's eyes widened as all everyone stared at Luxo in sheer shock, only for the interviewer's smile to broaden.

"Guys, come on out here!"

At the sound of Luxo's voice, two staff members appeared from the left wing of the stage with white envelopes in their hands.

"The staff members have specially chosen special fan letters for you to read right here onstage to commemorate the success of the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project!" Luxo revealed as the two staff members ran towards the each of the two main units' corners and started handing out the envelopes. "This is a special session for all of you to feel within your hearts how much the fans love and support each and every one of you and take a moment to take it all in your arms. All that you have been doing - from singing and dancing to staying strong and expressing your emotions - have given fans all over the world, including the ones gathered here today, strength and this is a moment of earnestness for you to feel the same from them."

Natsuki held his sealed white envelope with his full name on it with a faint smile and thanked the staff member who had given it to him. The staff member smiled before running to the right wing of the stage.

"Now that everyone has received their respective envelopes, please do open them."

Countless warm claps resonated in the air that had turned more serene even with the crowds of people that were here today as everyone opened their envelopes. Careful to not accidentally tear the letter inside the envelope, Natsuki slowly pulled apart the opening of the envelope and took out a neatly-folded piece of white paper. His heart was pulsating and faltering in his chest. There had been fans who scorned and insulted him through social media for being in a main unit with Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus instead of the rest of STARISH. There had been painful comments saying that Natsuki was not at all up to par with QUARTET NIGHT, that he was abandoning STARISH, that he was talentless, dragging the senpais down, ridiculous, and childish along with countless other cruel words and statements. But at the same time, there had been countless fans who had written warm and heartfelt comments about him, saying that he moved their hearts and that his happiness with the senpais was most important to them, that none of the cruel statements were true. Natsuki took in a deep breath and let it out before his fingers gently unfolded the paper, unsure what he was about to see, even though he knew that the staff members had chosen this specific letter for him to read right here and there. Once it was completely unfolded, Natsuki started to read in his heart.

And within moments, his heart...

... it cracked and shattered.

_This..._

Natsuki did his best to conceal a broken expression within himself as he silently read the letter that had been said to have been chosen for him.

_This... is the letter... for me...?_

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Ai smiling faintly and Reiji's eyes softening as they read their letters, and his heart only continued to crack in his chest. Unsure if this was a mistake or not, Natsuki re-read the letter in a heart that was throbbing painfully, trying not to let the pain show on his face:

_Burden._

_Burden. Liability. Coward. Dimwit. Moron._

_Natsuki Shinomiya, what made you think that it was a good idea to be in one group with all of QUARTET NIGHT? What made you think that you would be able to, let alone had the right, to sing, dance and perform on the same stage as them? As four shining, talented professionals that have been in the industry far longer than you and have their very own chemistry that will only be broken with you around them? The four of them have been a quartet for years now, so what makes you, of all people, believe that you belong with them, especially when you have your own boy band, STARISH?_

_And also, do not think that just because they let you join them and are nice to you, it means that they want you and really care about you. I know all about how the eldest and the one you think you are closest to, Reiji, took you in during a night that was traumatic for you. But you know something? Reiji only took you in that night because he pitied you and had no choice but to if he did not want to be called a useless bystander. Because he is too kind to say that you are a burden and a crybaby to him when that is all you are to him as such a useless junior who is not even his assigned junior. And the other three? Ai only sees you as a tool for his experiments being the unpredictable dimwit that you are due to your endless foolishness and illogical thinking that he can never understand being the intelligent person he is. Ranmaru only sees your worth as a musician and thinks that you are useless as a person and a cook - he even wishes that you someday just burned your hands so you never had to touch the stove again. And Camus is only being nice to you for the sake of tea and sweets; you must have no clue how much he talks about you behind your back, calling you a liability and loser._

_So before they actually come to their senses and decide to say all of it to your face and crush your soul to dust, just move back to STARISH, as ungrateful and cowardly as you are. At least unlike the senpais, they actually care about you, whether you are as talented as them or not._

_From: Someone who wants you to open your eyes_

Natsuki did not believe it. He did not believe a word about what the letter was saying about Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru; he knew that the four of them would never do any of that or feel that way about him. But to be given this cold letter, to be called those names and accused with those sharp statements and lies... it broke his heart all the same like it were made of fragile glass. Natsuki knew that he had much less experience than the senpais, but all four of them had told him that it did not matter. That they knew that Natsuki worked extremely hard and did his very best no matter what and most importantly, the five of them all loved one another and were equals, regardless of experience and age and anything. They had not taken him in because they pitied him, but because they wanted to be with him - Natsuki knew and cherished that more than anything.

 _I can't..._ his hands quivered slightly, _read this out loud. I don't know who wrote this, but... reading this for everyone to hear... will only hurt them, especially Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, Myu-chan-senpai and Maru-chan-senpai._

As the crowd's cheers were drowned away in his mind, Natsuki tilted his fedora downwards, remembering the signals that the five of them had agreed on, his heart squeezing in pain in his chest, trying to push away the cold words on the letter as they echoed in his head: _Burden. Coward. Liability._ And the pain only amplified like a scream as the image of Ranmaru shrieking in pain when he got pierced by the thumbtacks that had actually been intended for Natsuki shattered across his head like a bullet through a mirror.

_Stop hurting them._

Natsuki tightened his grip on his fedora, trying to figure out a way to not have to read the letter for everyone to hear.

_I don't want them... to be hurt at all._

"Oh, Nattsun! That looks like an especially long letter. Must be filled with a bunch of deep stuff."

A hand took ahold of his shoulder and Natsuki looked up at Reiji, who gave him a light smile. But inside Reiji's grey eyes was deep, underlying concern.

Reiji had seen Natsuki's signal.

"Wanna switch letters?" Reiji offered, giving Natsuki's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I'm startin' to get real curious as to what yours is sayin', if you don't mind me looking."

Natsuki smiled gently and squeezed Reiji's hand. "Sure, Rei-chan-senpai."

Reiji smiled as the fans cooed at their friendship and he and Natsuki switched letters with each other. "Mind if we join in this exchange?" Ranmaru was scooting his chair closer to Reiji and Natsuki while Ai and Camus were approaching them. Natsuki shook his head with a faint smile and the five of them all exchanged letters with one another, with the letter that Natsuki had received now in Ai's hands. But deep down, Natsuki knew that all of them were now aware that there was a problem - Ranmaru, Ai and Camus either noticed Natsuki's signal or caught onto Reiji's words. Reiji kept a protective arm wrapped around Natsuki as the four senpais pretended to read the letters that they had received and were actually reading the one Natsuki had received.

"What the actual freaking..."

"We simply cannot allow this to be read verbally."

"This is too cruel."

Natsuki could barely hear Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru whisper and mutter to one another, all of them careful to not let their voices be caught by their microphones. Even though they had to pretend to smile and laugh so that everyone else did not become suspicious of them, Natsuki could tell that all of them were not at all glad or accepting of what they were reading. Camus' voice was cold with disapproval and Ranmaru sounded like he was trying his best to not explode there and then as his hand holding onto the letter nearly crushed it. Ai's voice was quiet but cold while Reiji's arm tightened around Natsuki, graveness overshadowing his grey eyes, and Natsuki's heart squeezed even more tightly in his chest.

_What... what can we do...? We can't let this-_

"It appears that Shinomiya-san's unit is sharing the fans' supportive letters with one another!"

Luxo's excited voice interrupted Natsuki's thoughts and the five of them all turned to the interviewer, who was grinning at them.

"What do all of you have to say about the letters you all received? Let's start with Shinomiya-san!"

The fans cheered and clapped warmly as Ranmaru covered his mouth with his gloved hand and cursed under his breath. As Natsuki tried to remain calm and think, an idea flashed across his head and he barely suppressed his surprise. He did not have to read the letter. He did not have to lie at all. As the senpais all glanced at him in worry, Natsuki gave them a subtle shake of the head with a faint smile, wordlessly assuring them, "We'll be fine." They seemed to understand as Camus and Ai nodded, Ranmaru grinned, and Reiji smiled, the latter giving him an encouraging squeeze on the shoulder. Natsuki smiled at his close friends before standing up from his seat with the letter in his hands and held the microphone near his lips.

All that he had to do... was tell the truth while defending all his friends as well as his own self.

"Like Rei-chan-senpai said," Natsuki began, his heart pounding in his chest as he looked straight at the audience gathered in the venue, "the letter I received was especially long - longer than most of the fan letters that I have ever read. But long or short, all letters have their own deep meaning within their words and emotions."

He tightened his hold on his microphone as he did his best to smile.

"The letter in my hand... is about me and the main unit that I am in."

He could feel everyone's eyes on him as he inhaled and exhaled deeply amidst the thick silence before speaking again, quietly reminding himself that the people he loved and cared about were right beside him.

"There are times when I look through social media and run into comments about my own self," Natsuki continued, keeping his voice as calm and even as possible. "And I have seen countless warm and kind comments from all of you, that touch my heart with each and every word... but... I know that there are also some of you that don't think that I belong in the same main unit with Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan and the rest of QUARTET NIGHT, that I am not on the same level as them and will only hold them back, that I... I don't deserve to be on the same stage as them."

_"He's such a loser."_

_"Why does he even bother trying? He's garbage!"_

_"Just do us a favour and kick yourself out, Natsuki!"_

Natsuki paused and lowered his eyes for a brief moment, trying to clear his mind and heart of those painful words as the arm wrapped around him tightened protectively. Soon he raised his head up, remembering that he was not alone and to keep his head up, to not be afraid and reach for his happiness, and spoke again.

"But... I'm here to say with all my heart that... it's them with whom I belong with."

A warm, radiating strength welled up within each and every crevice of his broken heart like cascades of stars and moonlight flowing upwards as his lips eased into a sincere smile.

"I may not be as experienced as Rei-chan-senpai and the rest of QUARTET NIGHT, but that does not stop me from growing stronger and stronger each day, from improving myself to overcome my weaknesses and prove myself. I gather every bit of strength that I have and give each and every part I sing and dance and perform everything I have, knowing that it is what matters more than anything. Because the moment you stop trying, it's over, and I won't let it be over. And I know that many people have pointed out that I am not a QUARTET NIGHT member, which is true, but... that does not mean that I am hurting anyone - I'm not."

"He never hurt any of us and never will. Instead, he brings out the best in each and every one of us."

Reiji tightened his arm around Natsuki and turned to him with an earnest smile.

"Just because Nattsun is not a QUARTET NIGHT member, it does not mean that he does not belong with us. He is not just an idol and musician on par with us; he is our dear, beloved friend. We all love him as much as he loves us and that'll never change regardless of anything. And the five of us are all joint together as one. If you warm his heart, you warmed all of us. If you hurt him, you hurt all of us. The same applies for the rest of us, and we all know that you all have been so warm and accepting of him even with the cruel comments online."

He looked out at the crowd and his eyes softened.

"So from the bottom of all our hearts, thank you, to all of you who did not leave any single one of us out."

Ai, Ranmaru and Camus all nodded with smiles on their faces and almost as soon as Natsuki and Reiji pulled their microphones away from their lips, a girl shouted, "Go, Natsuki and QUARTET NIGHT!" and within seconds, the entire arena burst into a warm and emotional round of applause that was much louder than earlier, calling the names of all five of them. From the other unit's corner, Ren and Cecil were smiling and clapping as well while Syo, Otoya, Tokiya and Masato remained still as they stared at Natsuki in silence. As Luxo clapped as well and he hid a sad smile at his four members' disapproval, Natsuki felt someone nudge him on the arm and he turned to Ranmaru, who was grinning proudly at him.

"Ya weren't holdin' back at all, alright. And you definitely showed that you can fend for yourself and all of us."

Ranmaru patted him a little hard on the arm, his grin widening.

"That'll show all those antis and sickos."

Ai squeezed Natsuki's shoulder with a faint smile and Reiji beamed and Camus crossed his arms with a small smile. Natsuki squeezed Ai's hand with a warm smile directed at all the senpais before turning to the audience who was chanting all their names and beaming, emotions illuminating his heart.

_I wouldn't have been able to say anything at all if the four of you weren't in my heart._

When the crowd has calmed down, Natsuki, Reiji, Ai and Camus sat back down again with Ranmaru. And their chairs were even closer to one another now, with Ai's hand still linked with Natsuki's own.

_It's you guys whose kindness and love warm me and give me courage more than anything and I don't ever want to let go, no matter what. I may not be a QUARTET NIGHT member, but it's with you guys... that I belong._

Natsuki smiled faintly.

_I hope that the threat goes away soon so that... we can all smile without any fears or worries._

Camus

"So we agree that there is more than one perpetrator involved in this twisted scheme."

"Arisa Tero is too careless, oblivious and nervous to fit the profile of the true mastermind," Ai spoke as he walked with Camus along the hollow corridor. "Moreover, she was telling the truth when she said that she was only paid to switch the letter for Natsuki and had no clue regarding everything else."

"And now that she has been caught red-handed," Camus contemplated with narrowed eyes, "the mastermind of this elaborate scheme is gradually being backed into a corner, suggesting a heightened level of desperation and panic. He or she knows the course of the remaining segments of the show, so if they are trying to bring down Shinomiya again, they will most likely resort to the most blatant option."

Ai nodded as Camus frowned in sheer disapproval.

"The control room."

While the staff members and security did their own investigations and interrogations, Ai and Camus were heading towards the control room on a higher floor of the building. The surveillance footage that Ai had studied using his laptop had identified 2-year staff member Arisa Tero as the felon who had intentionally switched Natsuki's letter with a hate letter in order to receive a generous payment from an anonymous caller. The rest all wanted to go with them as well, but they did not have much time before the next segment and Ranmaru's foot was still injured. So while Ranmaru, Natsuki and Reiji stayed in the greenroom, Ai and Camus agreed to go together and update the other three.

 _Disgusting_ , Camus thought coldly as he recalled the letter that had been given out to Natsuki and its atrocious content. _Utterly unforgivable and despicable. Admittedly, I would not have blamed Kurosaki if he wanted to punch a hole in the wall - the individual behind this clearly has no sense of shame or even the slightest iota of simple understanding. How absurd._

He tightened his grip on his sceptre as he mentally recalled how Natsuki had placed the letter back into the envelope and given it to Ranmaru for the latter to tear it apart with his own two hands, the pain inside Natsuki's green eyes echoing inside Camus' head.

_If violence is deemed necessary in this scenario, with your condition as it is, I would gladly do it in your stead, Kurosaki._

As Camus and Ai glanced at each other and increased their walking pace, the grey door to the control room suddenly opened slightly, creaking a little. And the person who emerged from the inside was definitely not where he was supposed to be. Camus silently frowned as he observed Otoya Ittoki, who was supposed to be waiting in his main unit's greenroom, slipping through the gap, the younger Shining Star's red eyes darting around, not yet noticing Camus and Ai, who stood a considerable distance away. Dark, grim suspicion clouded Camus' heart like black smoke as he and Ai wordlessly approached Otoya, glancing at each other briefly. And from the expressionless look in Ai's narrowed teal eyes, Camus knew that the youngest QUARTET NIGHT member shared the same thoughts as him.

"What are you doing here?"

Ai spoke up when they were directly in front of Otoya. Otoya froze and instantaneously, Camus' heart turned even more grim.

 _Ittoki_ , he thought coldly as Otoya spun around and his red eyes dilated at the sight of the both of them present.

"A-Ah!" Otoya let out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of his head. "Camus-senpai, Ai-senpai! I was just err... I just got lost wandering around the place and err, you know, just ended up right here! The control room's a real neat place, huh?"

"Why would you, who has a performance in just about fifteen minutes, be aimlessly loitering in an area more than four floors higher than where the greenrooms are, let alone be in the control room without permission?" Camus demanded sharply.

"I-I know it sounds ridiculous, but I was just wandering off, I swear!" Otoya exclaimed, waving his hands in a nervous panic.

 _Lies._ Camus narrowed his eyes coldly, the signs of completely obvious lies blatantly all over Otoya's face. And as he and Ai stared Otoya down, Camus recalled the profile that they, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Reiji had come up with about the main perpetrator. The motive was painfully obvious: to tarnish Natsuki's image and break him to the point that he had no choice but to quit his main unit with them and regroup with the rest of STARISH, as well as simultaneously break the five of them apart. The individual had to be someone who had access to Natsuki's personal information, narrowing the pool of suspects down to someone who was directly associated to them. They had initially ruled all of Natsuki's fellow STARISH members out because they did not expect any of them to go to such deranged extremities for the mere sake of bringing Natsuki back, even with their selfishness. And they also knew that Ren and Cecil had changed, so there was no way that it was either of them. But in regards to the particular redhead standing in front of him and Ai...

... Camus was definitely having cold second thoughts.

"Ittoki." Camus' tone was as cold as ice. "Were you the one who paid that fool Arisa to give Natsuki that letter?"

"No!" Otoya exclaimed, shaking his head vigorously. "That wasn't me, Camus-senpai! And I wasn't the one who put the thumbtacks in those black leather shoes ei-"

Otoya was cut off mid-sentence when Ai lunged forward and seized him by the arm. With an ice-cold heart, Camus pointed his sceptre directly at Otoya's face as Ai peered down at the redhead, the latter's teal eyes calm with a sharp expression. His eyes widening, Otoya tried to wrench his arm away, but Ai merely tightened his grip, cold anger flashing across his calm features.

"Ai-senpai, Camus-senpai, w-what are you doing?"

"It was you."

"A-Ai-senpai-"

"We had purposely withheld the information of what kind of shoes they were, knowing that those were not Natsuki's to begin with," Ai cut in, his voice calm but eerily quieter than normal. "And the fact that you know that particular information accurately means that you had something to do with that cruel setup with the intention to harm Natsuki."

"N-No, I-"

"You knew Shinomiya's personal details and had the motive," Camus continued, tightening his grip on his sceptre as he contained his burning anger within his own self. He let out a cold scoff. "Not to mention, of all the peasants in your unit, you were the one who disappeared off to different places and kept darting your eyes around like you did not wish for anyone to find you; did you think that it was possible when there are CCTV cameras everywhere?"

"Like Reiji explicitly said during the letters session," Ai said, staring Otoya directly in the eye, "if you harm one of us, you harm all of us. And you brought harm to Natsuki more than once, all while knowing exactly what you were doing. None of us suspected you at first, but now the truth is clear in our eyes, regardless how much you try to deny it."

Ai's voice was colder than Camus had ever heard it being.

"It was you, Otoya."

_"Perhaps, both today and tomorrow, all along I've been lost,_

_But doubt is the serious truth!"_

\- "Orion de Shout Out", by Satsuki Shinomiya (Kishow Taniyama)


	33. Rain of Tears

Ai Mikaze

"If you harm one of us, you harm all of us. And you brought harm to Natsuki more than once, all while knowing exactly what you were doing. None of us suspected you at first, but now the truth is clear in our eyes, regardless how much you try to deny it."

His tone emotionless, Ai kept his fingers curled around Otoya's arm in a firm, stable grip, his eyes narrowed coldly.

"It was you, Otoya."

Otoya stared back at Ai with wide, petrified eyes, but the latter's cold anger did not waver even by the slightest fraction. Even as one of the eleven Shining Stars, Otoya had been standing with them and looking all of them right in the eye while being completely aware of himself being the true mastermind of a chain of unforgivable and undeserved events. The shooting of a rock through the window of Reiji's apartment directly at Natsuki's stab wound, the threat message, the thumbtacks in the black leather shoes, the cold letter... Even if he was not the one who did not directly commit these crimes, Otoya had been the one who initiated and planned every single one of them, all while knowing how much they would hurt Natsuki. Out of the corner of his eye, Ai saw Camus keep a cold, merciless glare trained on Otoya and he could feel his own chest sicken at this twisted reality the more it sank inside his own head.

"That being said, if you were more than willing to go through such extremities, you must be prepared to face the consequences, am I correct?" Ai questioned. "So you must know how much everyone else, especially Natsuki and Reiji, would feel when they find out that you were the main perpetrator behind all the crimes that have led up to this point."

A wave of anger scalded Ai's normally-calm interior and his voice grew colder.

"No matter what you did, they trusted you and this is your way of reciprocating them?"

Ai could already envision the looks on Natsuki, Reiji and Ranmaru's faces when he and Camus told them the truth. Ranmaru's face would be blotched with utter rage and disbelief and he would be punching the wall and forming a crack on its surface. But Natsuki and Reiji... they would feel more hurt and betrayed than anything. Natsuki would probably even shed a few tears or so while Reiji might lower his eyes and stare at the floor in utter silence, and the thought of his best friends' pain as well as Ranmaru's shrieks brought a deep agony burrowing inside Ai's chest as Otoya hung his head, shadows cast over his eyes.

 _Even with a real heart contained in your chest..._ Ai inwardly shook his head in disappointment, _... you chose to be selfish and heartless._

"Before we escort you down and reveal you as the true culprit, do enlighten us on precisely what you were doing inside the control room."

Camus held the sceptre even closer to Otoya's face, his tone devoid of any mirth or patience.

"I am certain that you do not wish to add anymore crimes to your deplorable list, so tell us before you aggravate the circumstances for everyone!"

Camus snapped, but Ai did not blame him by the slightest iota; Otoya deserved much worse than Camus raising his voice. However, Ai could sense an uneasiness trickling inside his chest as Otoya kept his head down, the shadows looming over his normally-blithe red eyes. It was almost as though Ai and Camus were confronting a complete stranger, and Ai was more than certain that this was not a positive sign.

"Well?" Camus demanded.

"He's the one who is making everything worse for everyone."

"I beg your pardon?" Ai questioned, his eyes narrowing at Otoya's remorseless words. Otoya clenched his fists and gritted his teeth and beside Ai, Camus was frowning deeply. "If you are blaming Natsuki-"

"I wouldn't be doing any of this if he just stayed!" Otoya shrieked, snapping his head up.

"Ittoki, how dare you-"

"Shut up!"

Otoya swung and jabbed his free elbow against Ai's shoulder roughly, causing Ai's eyes to dilate in shock. As he was knocked backwards, Ai inadvertently released his hold on Otoya's arm and the latter immediately broke into a run into the nearest corridor, not glancing back even once.

"Ittoki!" Camus' voice boomed with sheer anger as Ai gripped his shoulder tightly. "Come back here this instan-"

"Don't go after him, Camus," Ai spoke up, shaking his head as he sprinted towards the control room. "As much as Otoya needs to face the consequences of his actions eventually, we need to find out exactly what he was doing in the control room and put a stop to it before it harms Natsuki or anyone else."

Without any complaints, Camus followed closely behind him and Ai pushed the door open, hoping that the remainder of Otoya's plan had not been realized. Too much pain had been done and Ai did not desire for his friends to be harmed even more than they already had been. However, the moment they entered, Ai immediately saw a video playing on the screen and the cold realization crossed through his chest like drowning waves as he recognized it almost instantaneously.

The damage was already being done, whether the rest of them had realized it.

Natsuki Shinomiya

Vzzt!

Reiji looked down at his cellphone and his grey eyes widened. "Myu-chan?" Sitting beside Reiji, Ranmaru frowned and Natsuki started to worry as the brunet glanced at them in concern and picked up the call and put Camus on speaker mode. "Hello?"

"Kotobuki, are Shinomiya and Kurosaki with you?"

"Yep, just like when you and Ai-Ai left for the control room," Reiji responded. "Did something-"

"Regardless of any circumstances, do not leave the greenroom until Mikaze and I return." Camus' tone was hard.

Natsuki's eyes widened in shock. "Myu-chan-senpai, what happened-"

"Turn on the television and go to the livestream of the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT show," Camus ordered and a cursing Ranmaru grabbed the television remote. "Mikaze and I have identified the perpetrator, but it appears that he has made his move and by the time we entered the control room, it was too late. Mikaze is currently trying to remove the video from the screen, but as he is doing so, the video continues to play."

"Video? He?" Reiji repeated as Ranmaru flipped through the channels. "Myu-chan, what video are you talking about and who is the-"

Reiji cut himself off mid-sentence as Natsuki's heart froze.

"Oh God," Ranmaru muttered in horror.

Screams, shouts and shrieks of anguish, terror, anger and hatred erupted from every corner of the audience in the venue on the screen like the shattering of broken glass and wails of a red siren, engulfing what was supposed to be an enjoyable time for everyone into sheer madness and chaos. Countless fans were shaking their fists and spitting out curses and boos and insults with harsh, unforgiving stares and glares on their faces, their eyes glowing red with resentment, and their emotions only amplified with the passing of each broken moment. Natsuki could hardly breathe as he stared blankly at the screen and an arm wound itself protectively around his back. That video... that hijacking and song and destruction, the tears, blood and shattered emotions and broken bones... that singer...

Natsuki could hear his heartbeat pulsate loudly and uncontrollably in his chest, cold memories spiralling inside his head like the torn wings of butterflies.

_That... That's Sacchan... at the Hayato concert._

_"He'll only destroy everyone who matters."_

Big, bold white letters formed themselves at the bottom of the video screen as Satsuki continued to sing his solo song "Orion de Shout Out" and as more words formed themselves for all the world to see, agony stabbed through Natsuki's heart like a thousand razors and he could feel himself begin to tremble as he struggled to grasp what was unfolding before his very eyes.

_Why... are they dragging Sacchan here...?_

_"He is a liability that will hurt everyone at some point and when that happens, it will be too late."_

_We are not liabilities._

_"Sure, he and his alter ego are not the same, but when his glasses fall off, it'll be all over."_

_No... don't say that... Don't say that when it's not-_

_"So show him how much you don't want him before this happens, no matter how nice he is. It's for everyone's sake, including his."_

_Why are you using this when it-_

_"On the count of 3, let's"-_

The video suddenly disappeared into blackness, and Natsuki knew that Ai had stopped it before it could reach the end. But even though the video had ended, the fans' cold and dark emotions had not. Boos, hisses, shrieks and insults reverberated coldly from the screen as they cursed Natsuki ceaselessly, the camera spanning from groups of furious, uncontrollable fans to others, and it only made Natsuki's broken heart squeeze excruciatingly in his chest, the words breaking him more and more as the moments flooded by.

 _They hate us, Sacchan._ Inside his head, Natsuki could hear Ozrock laughing at him and flinched. _They hate us._

Natsuki averted his eyes away from the screen, clutching his chest tightly, clenching his teeth, trying to breathe.

_No matter what we do... they'll always find a reason to hate us, to not accept us._

"Take a deep breath, Nattsun. Look at me and Ran-Ran and take a slow, deep breath."

Two hands took ahold of his and squeezed them tightly, their hold not faltering for even a second. Trying his best to drag himself out of the cruel, broken thoughts and memories, Natsuki slowly turned his head to face Reiji, who looked him in the eye with grey eyes that were filled with sheer worry and agony. Beside Reiji, Ranmaru was frowning with deep concern, and it was only then when Natsuki realized that the television had been switched off.

"Don't think of Satsuki. Don't think of the fans. Don't think of what is happening and will happen. And definitely do _not_ think of Tablo Ozrock." Reiji tightened his hands wrapped around Natsuki's own, his eyes reflecting the agony of Natsuki's heart. "Right now, just let yourself breathe and remember that even if those fans are that quick to hate you all over again when it isn't even right, Ran-Ran, Myu-chan, Ai-Ai and I... we won't ever. You don't and never deserved to be hated, to be laughed at or scorned or isolated like that."

Reiji then let go, only for him to wrap his arms around Natsuki and pull him into a tight hug.

"Just let yourself breathe and don't pull away, alright?"

Nodding briefly, Ranmaru wound an arm around Natsuki's shoulders and looked at him as though telling him, "Do as he says, for your own sake and ours. Please." His heart cracking at his close friends' agony, Natsuki slowly inhaled, feeling his chest rise painfully, and let it out as gently as possible, feeling his chest fall like his heart was. He hugged Reiji back and squeezed him tightly while resting a hand on top of Ranmaru's, afraid of how scared and helpless he felt. But he knew that it did not mean that he was giving up - he just had to calm down and believe in his friends and himself, and pull himself back together. And the three of them remained like that as the moments passed, with Natsuki eventually closing his eyes and letting his heart slow down, albeit painfully with slivers of broken glass. After awhile, the door creaked open and Natsuki weakly tilted his head up and saw Ai, Camus and Eli and his parents entering the greenroom.

"Natsuki-san..." Eli uttered with sadness in his round eyes.

Natsuki smiled weakly and shaking his head, Eli ran towards him and hugged him tightly. Behind Ai, Eli's mother and father looked worried about Natsuki while Camus' eyes softened and Ai lowered his eyes. With an arm draped across Natsuki's shoulders, Ranmaru faced Ai and Camus and inhaled a sharp breath before speaking.

"Camus said that you guys have found out just who's behind this mess."

Ai nodded quietly and Reiji's grey eyes turned concerned while Ranmaru gritted his teeth with utter resentment glowing in his heterochromatic eyes.

"Who's the sicko that I'm gonna murder for this?" Ranmaru demanded in a low tone.

Satsuki Shinomiya

_Honestly, I could freaking care less if those so-called "fans" hate me. They can hate me as much as I want and I ain't takin' anything back or offering an apology to any single one of 'em._

Satsuki gritted his teeth, barely containing the emotions blazing inside of him.

_But what I did or do shouldn't be dragged up to be used against Natsuki. So much for that so-called "session of love and support from fans"; they can't even keep their loyalty in freaking check, even when Natsuki gave his freaking heart in each and every single thing he did for them._

He clenched his fists, pain and anger scorching his existence.

 _Hating him when he's always been kind and warm no matter what and when it wasn't even him who hijacked that concert... Are they freaking_ kidding _?_

Although the fact may or may not remained buried within Satsuki's own soul, without anyone bothering to notice, he did not cause destruction at the concert just to anyone. Even though they all thought he looked and was insane, Satsuki actually knew who exactly were at the concert and amidst his rage and resentment, aimed his onslaught of attacks directly at those wretched people. People who had pushed past Natsuki and told him that his dream of being an idol could never come true. People who had mocked his height and snapped the strings of his violin in elementary school, whom Syo - that shameless brat - had done nothing about despite knowing exactly what they'd done. People who jeered at Satsuki, whom they had thought was "sweet, pathetic Natsuki from their music class" when he got up on that stage and took over. Yeah, Satsuki's anger was definitely out of control and he definitely had not thought it through or of the long-run, but his intention had _not_ been to hurt any innocent onlookers. He had hurt a number of innocent people and that was on him, but... none of it was on _Natsuki_. And yet even though those fans knew about Natsuki's Gemini Syndrome, they still vented their resentment on him, and Satsuki could _not_ empathize with that.

_And even though a good number of years have passed ever since then, Natsuki, as innocent as he is, has to suffer for my actions and mistakes when he had no part in it, when he did not even do anything, and that..._

The image of a particular, red-haired STARISH member flashed coldly inside Satsuki's mind and he scowled furiously.

_... that is all thanks to that sorry-excuse-of-a-friend, even when Natsuki genuinely cherished and trusted him to have his back at least when it came to this._

"The GPS tracker says that Otoya's cellphone is at the secluded park where Ren apologized to us at the end of the opening round."

In reality, Ai looked up from his laptop with a serious expression sheening in his teal eyes as Camus took ahold of his sceptre.

"If he changes locations, my laptop will be able to track him down. Therefore, any attempts for him to escape are futile unless he discards his cellphone."

"So let's begin the freaking hunt," Ranmaru declared, his arms crossed with eyes filled with anger. He turned to Natsuki and Reiji and his expression softened a little. "You guys up for it? Or do you need a bit more time to recollect yourselves? Either way will do as long as you mean it - that liar ain't goin' anywhere."

A deep agony wrenched its way through Satsuki as he focused his attention on Natsuki and Reiji, who had been quiet throughout the entire exchange. No one took the news that Otoya was the true culprit harder than Natsuki and Reiji. Both of them had been sitting beside each other, with Natsuki's arm wrapped gently around Reiji's shoulders, their normally-bright eyes lowered to the ground, listening without saying a word. From having a rock shot through the glass window at his own stab wound all the way to that provocative video that used Satsuki against him... Natsuki had been both physically and emotionally assaulted by someone whom he deeply loved with all his heart, and Satsuki would _never_ forgive Otoya for that. Not to mention, at this point, even with how annoying Reiji could get, Satsuki actually even _felt for_ the brunet. Otoya was Reiji's assigned kouhai and someone he had genuinely seen as a little brother despite the conflicts, and by now, Satsuki had actually gotten to _appreciate_ Reiji so the fact that he, who was also Natsuki's best friend, had been affected this badly was aggravating Satsuki's emotions.

"If Nattsun is okay with going, I'm in as well."

Reiji spoke quietly, raising his head from the ground, his grey eyes overshadowed with hurt.

"Though I still can't believe my own self, to be honest." Reiji let out a forced laugh. "Otoyan was my assigned kouhai and is a little brother to me and yet I didn't catch on even the slightest bit." He shook his head and smiled a bitter smile that was aimed at his own self more than anything. "Unbelievable; I fail even when I don't realize it, and this is far from the first time."

 _He's blaming himself_ , Satsuki noted grimly as Ai lowered his eyes and Camus closed his eyes. _But... in this case, just like back up on that Ferris Wheel with Natsuki... this ain't freaking right. What that ungrateful brat did ain't on him and he needs to understand that._

"No... it's not your fault at all, Rei-chan-senpai."

"Nattsun-"

"Really." Natsuki pulled Reiji even closer to him and smiled weakly, his voice soothing and tinged with hurt and understanding. "We all didn't and couldn't have known. Not when we trusted him as much as we did and loved him for who he was. It's okay, Rei-chan-senpai, and it's not your fault." He rubbed Reiji gently on the shoulder as the latter's eyes glimmered with emotion. "I'm okay with going - I'll be fine as long as you, Ai-chan, Maru-chan-senpai and Myu-chan-senpai are with me. So we'll talk it all out together, alright? And hopefully, we'll understand Otoya-kun better in the process and he understands all of us."

"Well, that's the nice way to put it," Ranmaru remarked with a half-grin. "But I think ya forgot the part where I clobber him for everything."

Satsuki could not help but snicker at the hot-tempered rocker's words.

_Can't disagree with that._

"That was an unnecessary point to bring up in the current moment" Ai let out a quiet sigh. "But I more or less anticipated it knowing your personality, so I am not surprised."

"Kurosaki is showing signs of a lack of maturity despite being the second eldest out of the five of us," Camus remarked with a smirk.

"Ya pickin' a fight here?"

"To be fair, you initiated this senseless turn in the conversation."

"Oi! I was just adding to what Natsuki said!"

"Your so-called 'addition' is quite clearly unneeded-"

"Rei-chan-senpai's smiling!"

At the sound of Natsuki's happy voice, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru all turned to Reiji, who was smiling at all four of them. And it was not a forced smile, but instead, a true smile that assured them that he was going to be fine.

"All of you really know how to make me feel a lot better when things just seem to dark."

Reiji's eyes softened and he hugged Natsuki back, his voice lighter than before.

"Let's head off then, shall we? No matter how painful it'll be once the drive is over."

All of them agreed with smiles on their faces and they all proceeded to leave the greenroom, with Reiji and Natsuki's arms wrapped around each other and Ai helping a limping Ranmaru walk and Camus leading the way. After Eli and his parents headed home, with Natsuki promising to update Eli on how they were all doing, Ai and Camus had studied the layout of the building and found the safest way to exit and reach Reiji's car without running into crazed fans.

And even though he knew things would take a turn for the worst later on, Satsuki let himself watch over the five-man group's togetherness with a faint smile.

_Just... please keep one another close, got it?_

However, just a number of steps away from their greenroom, the five-man group ran into Cecil and Ren, who appeared from the opposite direction. Satsuki frowned. As much as those two punks had apologized to Natsuki and the rest of the group, they still had a long, _long_ way to truly gain Satsuki's trust. But when Cecil spoke, Satsuki could not help but feel his own jaw slacken in utter disbelief.

"It was Otoya... wasn't it?"

Satsuki gritted his teeth, trying his best to remain calm.

_I swear, if they freaking knew, I'm clobbering both of them on the heads._

Otoya Ittoki

"Oh God, Otoya..."

Syo shook his head rapidly, gripping a fistful of his hair.

"The next time you see them, you're dead for sure! And I'm also talking about career-wise! Shining-sensei's definitely gonna be brutal on you! Just what on earth were you thinking?"

Otoya merely stared down at the blades of viridescent grass as broad sunlight filtered through the red and orange treetops like glares through flames. After narrowly escaping from Ai and Camus, Otoya had bolted down the stairwell and found Syo near the refreshments area, begging him to help him and get him out of the venue. A shocked Syo had asked what happened, but Otoya could only plead him again and say that he would tell Syo after they had left, and Syo immediately called a cab without anymore questioning. Sitting on a bench in a secluded park, Otoya had spilled everything out to Syo,starting from bribing interviewers to harass Natsuki until the video that Otoya had played for all the world to see, and Syo had stared at him like he had gone mad. Now as Syo expressed his utter frustration and disbelief, Otoya could only clench the fists on his lap even tighter as he hung his head, unsure of a thousand things.

 _We can't stay here forever._ His mind was overwhelming with a spiral of uncontrollable thoughts threatening to break him apart. _We will have to go back home and everyone will know by then. Then what do I do? About me, about STARISH, about the senpais? And now that Arisa has been caught, the others probably will be too and it'll all trace back to me. Why didn't I leave the control room sooner? Why didn't I pay another staff member to keep watch so that Ai-senpai and Camus-senpai would not have been anywhere near the control room?_

He clutched his head with one hand, his unbuttoned red hoodie swaying in the cold, howling breeze.

_Why did he have to make things so horrible for all of us? This is all-_

Suddenly, footsteps and the crunching of fallen leaves reached Otoya's ears, knocking him off his train of thought. Slow but approaching footsteps. Syo let out a soft curse and Otoya slowly raised his head up, only for his heart to freeze into ice.

"Otoya."

His eyes dilating in sheer terror, Otoya could feel a shiver run down his spine as the all-too familiar voice pierced through his ears like a scream. Supported by the arm by Ai, Ranmaru was slowly limping towards where Otoya and Syo were seated, his heterochromatic eyes narrowed without a shred of mercy. His heartbeat faltering in his chest, Otoya immediately yanked himself up and turned the other direction to run, but he halted when he saw Camus standing there, pointing his sceptre directly at him with an unforgiving stare. He gasped and turned again and saw Reiji and Natsuki walking towards him as well, their eyes filled with hurt and betrayal.

_W-What... How..._

"This needs to end, Otoya."

Agony stabbed through Otoya's heart at that voice and he turned again, only to find Cecil and Ren standing there, pain tinting their eyes. _You... you're helping them...?_ The thought echoed dully inside his head like a distorted voice and Cecil smiled weakly.

"Please." His voice was tortured. "This is hurting everyone."

Natsuki Shinomiya

_Otoya-kun..._

The sorrow in his heart only threatened to immerse him further as Natsuki stood beside Reiji and they, Ai, Camus, Ranmaru, Ren and Cecil stood surrounding Otoya and Syo, cold and broken like an ocean that would only drown them alive as the shards of cold glass dug deeper and deeper. Otoya's round red eyes were flooded with hurt and fear all at once and despite everything, Natsuki never wanted it for him and it hurt deeply seeing him wear an expression so vulnerable and broken and it had only worsened when he saw that Ren and Cecil were here too.

_None of us wanted... anyone to be hurt..._

Before the five of them left the show venue, Ren and Cecil had run into them and much to their surprise, had expressed their concern and suspicion that Otoya was the one who had been targeting Natsuki all along. When Cecil asked if it was Otoya, Ranmaru had been extremely quick to confront him and Ren saying, "I swear to God, if you two knew all along..." and they had sworn that they did not, but did have a bad feeling in their gut. That was when the two of them told Natsuki and the senpais that Otoya had been acting strangely - from isolating himself in his room to going out on his own late at night and at one point, shouting at both Ren and Cecil when they were trying to help him.

 _We know that you guys already have your own plan regarding Ikki, but please... let us come with you_ , Ren had requested with a sad smile. _Because we also wanna reach out to Ikki and hear what he has to say about what he did and what is going on with him. It's the first time he's tried to hurt someone so much and... we hate seeing him like this._

 _We won't ask you to go easy on him_ , Cecil had added with a promise. _Because that wouldn't be fair after what he did to you guys. But like Ren said, let us come with you. Whatever plans you have, we will not interfere. We just need to see Otoya._

Cecil had placed a hand on Natsuki's shoulder and smiled painfully.

_On behalf of Otoya... we're so, so sorry._

"Ren! Cecil!"

Syo bellowed, his eyes burning with utter rage as he kept an arm wrapped around Otoya's shoulders.

"What is the freaking meaning of this? Why are you two siding with them when-"

"Zip it, brat."

"The freaking-"

"I said, shut your _trap_!" Ranmaru shouted, shooting Syo a dark scowl. "This ain't your freaking problem, so do just head off and leave things to us here. Why those two are here with us ain't the freaking point of this whole mess and ya must be a complete moron if you think it is."

Syo glared back. "What did you just-"

"The whole freaking problem here is _you_."

Ranmaru snapped his head over to Otoya, his eyes darkening with unforgiving fury, and the redhead hung his head without a word.

"Just what on earth did you think was gonna happen once you were done, _Otoya Ittoki_?" His tone was leaking with venom. "That everyone was gonna be all happy and Natsuki would just leave and be all happy? After you freaking shot a rock at him and practically harassed him?"

Ranmaru's tone continued to escalate and even though he was not the one being yelled at, Natsuki flinched and Reiji's arm tightened around him.

"That's even worse than being a complete moron, kid!" Ranmaru shrieked.

"Otoyan..."

Reiji's voice was strained, etched with sheer betrayal as he looked straight at Otoya with an expression that matched his voice.

"That's not how we treat one another." His eyes were tight with agony as the fedora overshadowed his forehead. "That's not what friends do to one another. We actually ruled you and the rest of your unit members out as suspects in the first place, even with the unspoken argument between us, because we trusted all of you to never go that far no matter what you've done... Do you know how hurt we all were when we found out that it was you...?"

He let out an exhale, his arm around Natsuki quivering for a moment.

"Do you know how it felt... to have our trust slammed right in our faces when we didn't see it coming at all?"

"And although Mikaze and I caught you in the act in front of the control room, you still foolishly and blatantly attempted to deny your actions, as well as refused to take responsibility."

Camus' voice was even, but colder than ice as he focused an equally-icy glare on Otoya, who did not look up from the ground.

"Bribery, physical assault, sabotage, illegal access... the list goes on, but above all of those felonies, you, with the unforgivable intention of wounding Shinomiya - both physically and emotionally - for your own personal gain, brought severe harm to each and every single one of us. If we took this case to the police, you would be behind bars by now, and I do not need to add that your career would reach a dead end for you to understand that, now do I?"

Otoya did not move a muscle as Cecil lowered his eyes.

"Before you elbowed me on the shoulder and ran away from me and Camus, you blamed Natsuki."

Ai's voice was quieter than Ranmaru and Camus', but just like his eyes, his voice was devoid of any warmth.

"You said that he was making things worse for everyone, that you would not have done what you have done if it were not for him. However, Natsuki never told or wanted you to do any of that. Natsuki was not bringing harm to a single soul. He never asked to be _hurt_ or for the people he loves and cares about to suffer, for that matter."

Ai shook his head and Ren closed his eyes.

"You have zero right to pin this on Natsuki or anyone else. This is 100% your mistake."

"My... mistake."

Otoya's voice was barely above a mutter, and Natsuki's heart squeezed in his chest. The redhead's voice was... hollow, snatched away of its love, kindness and warmth. All that could be heard was a deep, harrowing pain that threatened to make the sky darken and the rain fall upon this park where the sunshine may be seen and yet could not be felt or console anyone. A shadow draped itself over Otoya's normally-cheerful eyes and Natsuki felt his heart falter as Reiji's arm around him tightened again and the sky above them turned grey, like smoke that obscured the light of a warm day.

No one... was healing anyone's pain.

"So it's all my fault..." the words slowly slipped out of Otoya as his body trembled, "when none of this would have happened if he just stayed?"

"Otoya-kun..." Natsuki started, his heart cracking as he quietly stepped towards Otoya, with Reiji walking right beside him. "Please listen for a bit, just a bit. I-"

"Stop!"

Natsuki halted, his eyes widening with shock and agony as Otoya spun around to face him, the younger male's red eyes glowering with pure anger and hurt. He let out a shaky breath and tried again. "Okay, we'll-"

"Stop trying to be kind and reach for me when it's all because of you, Natsuki!" Otoya shouted, clenching his fists as his body quivered even more, his voice cracking. "You aren't innocent! You didn't do nothing wrong! If you didn't do anything wrong, we wouldn't be here right now! If you had just listened to us or at the very least, did what that note told you to do, the show would have gone on just fine for all of us! If you had just stayed, I wouldn't be like this! None of us would be hurting one another like this!"

"No one besides you is hurtin' any-" Ranmaru started, his voice edged with fury.

"But you chose to stay with Rei-chan and the rest of the senpais, no matter what happened, no matter how much we all wanted you to stay when we were all supposed to be best friends!" Otoya cried out, emotions flashing across his face like lightning. "We all wanted you here with us as STARISH, but instead of staying, you got closer to all the senpais, especially Rei-chan and Ai-senpai! That's why I did all that - to get you back no matter what it took! And now everyone's blaming me when it's all your fault!"

"Ikki, that's-" Ren tried, only to be interrupted instantaneously.

"You don't care about us!" Otoya shrieked, angry tears breaking free from the back of his eyes as raindrops began to descend from the mirthless sky. "If you did, you would have stayed and I wouldn't have to do anything to bring you back! But you just. Don't. _Care_!"

Natsuki's heart wrenched and stumbled in his chest. "That's not-"

"I _hate_ you!"

Otoya lunged at Natsuki and the latter's eyes dilated in shock. "Nattsun!" Just as Otoya raised his fist, Reiji was suddenly in front of Natsuki and grabbing his assigned kouhai by the arms. "Stop it, Otoyan! What are you trying to-"

"Let him go, you moronic senpai!"

Syo swung a fist at Reiji, only for the latter to narrowly dodge it and let go of Otoya in the process. As Syo spat a curse and attempted another on Reiji, Otoya snapped his eyes back to Natsuki and charged at him again. Camus pointed his sceptre at Otoya, demanding for him to stay back, but Otoya shoved past him and swung again. In a flash, Natsuki found himself on the ground, his cheek throbbing as crimson blood leaked from the side of his lips. His head hung, he could barely hear Reiji, Ai and Ranmaru call out to him as his heart cracked and the rain continued to fall like tears.

_... falling... again._

A hand was held out to him and with his hand clutching his bruised cheek, Natsuki tilted his head up to face Reiji, whose eyes held a heartbreaking expression. Natsuki quietly took his hand and he could not even manage a weak smile.

_Everything's falling again._

"Let him go already!"

Syo's indignant shout rang inside Natsuki's ears.

"Are you really just gonna keep him like that? Just freaking let him go!"

Slowly, Natsuki raised his head to face everyone, with his hand remaining in Reiji's warm one, and found Otoya struggling against Cecil and Ren, who had a firm grip on his arms and were ignoring Syo's demands. Camus' piercing stare was directed at Otoya and Syo, cold and merciless, while Ranmaru's eyes blazed with indignance and Ai's eyes were narrowed. The three senpais turned and when they saw Natsuki, their eyes softened with concern. Natsuki shook his head slightly, unable to truly bring himself to smile, and took a deep breath and let it out before speaking.

"Ren-kun, Cecil-kun."

Ren and Cecil immediately turned to Natsuki, their eyes worried. Natsuki's heart clenched in his chest, as broken as it was.

"Please let him go."

"Natsuki!" Ranmaru exclaimed as he, Camus, Reiji and Ai all stared at him along with Cecil and Ren and even Syo, but Natsuki shook his head again. "The guy just punched you in the freaking face! Who know what else he'll-"

"He won't." Natsuki's voice was almost inaudible, even to himself as the rain cascaded down the empty sky. "Trust me. I know what I'm doing and it won't be long. I just... need to say a few things to Otoya-kun and... it's painful to have a conversation when you are being restrained."

He forced a smile.

"So please... let him go for now."

Cecil and Ren glanced at each other before reluctantly letting go of Otoya, the worry never leaving their eyes. Otoya stood about a metre away from Natsuki, staring at him with hollow, remorseless eyes, and Natsuki felt the raindrops continue to drench his clothes as the emotions streamed inside of him, threatening to overflow. Letting out a painful breath from his chest, Natsuki gave himself a few moments of silence before speaking.

"You said... that I don't care."

Saying the words, even quietly, only cracked his own heart even more and he could feel his hands quiver like the leaves in the freezing rain.

"Is that... really... what you think... Otoya-kun...?"

Warm tears ran down Natsuki's face as his voice shattered like his heart. Slowly, Otoya's expression changed and his eyes were wide with indescribable emotions and tears.

"I used to think... that it was okay... to stay," Natsuki admitted softly, his voice cracking. "That if you guys were happy... I was too. That if you guys laughed and smiled... I could too... But... how can I laugh... if you keep lying to me...? How can I smile... if I know that you guys leave me out... like I'm... not even an equal to you...? How..."

Squeezing his eyes shut and looking down, he sniffled and let out a broken sob.

"How can I be okay... if you guys keep tearing me apart?" he cried out, unable to bear it any longer. "How can I stay... if all it does is keep breaking me each and every day? I learned to say out loud what needs to be said, even if it hurts, but... no matter what I do... no matter how much I care... you don't accept all of me or understand me or try to. And... it's all broken, Otoya-kun. It's all broken and painful and it's not over when it could have been."

The tears slipped down his face as his body quivered.

"What you did... isn't making me come back. All it did is hurt everyone I love and care about... and that breaks me more than anything... and it didn't matter. We didn't matter. I didn't matter."

He slowly opened his eyes and looked at Otoya with the tears and rain blurring his vision.

"You tried to destroy everything I ever loved."

The hand holding his squeezed tightly and he quietly turned to Reiji, whose grey eyes reflected the broken sorrow in his heart. "You wanna go? We can go anywhere you want," he muttered under his breath, his soft voice laced with hurt. Natsuki quietly nodded and with a broken smile that he was trying to make for both of their sakes, Reiji wrapped an arm around Natsuki and quietly led him away, his hold never wavering. Neither of them needed to turn back to tell that Otoya, Cecil, Ren and Syo remained where they were while Ranmaru, Ai and Camus were trailing behind the two of them. As they walked in silence, Natsuki felt warm tears trickle down his cheeks and Reiji held him even tighter, their eyes meeting with an unspoken understanding that they as well as Ai, Camus and Ranmaru all deeply needed one another and were here for one another no matter how broken they were. When all five of them were finally in the car, with Reiji and Camus at the front and Ranmaru, Ai and Natsuki at the back, Natsuki felt a pair of warm arms wrap themselves around him and saw that it was Ai. Quivering, Natsuki let himself bury his face into Ai's shoulder and his heart burrowed itself into the thick silence.

Masato Hijirikawa

"Just when I thought that the circumstances could not be any worse... we are told that Ittoki was the main culprit behind harassing Shinomiya and injuring Kurosaki-san."

Masato heaved a heavy sigh, his arms crossed.

"At this point, I am very uncertain about STARISH's future, especially Ittoki's."

Tokiya rubbed his temple, clearly concerned and frustrated, but did not say the exact words. This was, without a doubt, one of the worst days that all of them had had to go through as STARISH. Admittedly, Masato and Tokiya had been extremely confused when Syo and Otoya disappeared without any notice and shocked and horrified beyond imagination when they discovered the hijacking of the Hayato concert being played live at the venue. They had known that there was someone trying to harm Natsuki, but they had not at all expected the blond's own alter ego to be used against him in such a ruthless way. They had gone home alone - with none of the others picking up their calls or mentioning their whereabouts - and only saw Ren, Cecil, Otoya and Syo again just an hour ago, all of them drenched from the downpour. And it was that very moment, upon some light questioning, where Masato's heart sank into sheer horror in his own chest and things took a sharp, dark turn. Of all the worst things that could have come out of Otoya's mouth as he hung his head and clenched his fists with tears in his eyes...

... he told Masato and Tokiya that he was the true culprit behind all the felonies for the past week, and that Natsuki and the senpais had all found out and confronted him about it.

"At the very least, I highly doubt that sensei will bring the police into this matter," Tokiya commented with a quiet sigh, his chamomile tea untouched, "so legal enforcements will not be involved in this complicated situation. However, that does not mean that there will not be any consequences, and I doubt that with the extremities of Otoya's actions, Shining-sensei will be at all lenient."

"Kurusu insists that Shinomiya is to be blamed," Masato recalled, frowning deeply, "but while Ittoki's motives revolved around his desire to bring Shinomiya back, the argument that Ittoki is not entirely guilty as he merely wanted Shinomiya to regroup with us is as invalid as it is weak. Not to mention, while Ittoki did hire a number of individuals to assist him in his plans, it does not make him any less guilty as he was the willing instigator."

"As of now, I am unsure that we can do anything to protect Otoya's fate in the agency," Tokiya said, his eyes concerned and grim as he leaned slightly against the backrest of the long sofa. "We have no control over what sensei decides to do to Otoya, so if he chooses to terminate Otoya's time here as an idol of Shining Agency, there is nothing that we can do."

"But..." Masato clenched his fist as his chest tightened, "then what will become of STARISH? We will simply not do without any one member, including Ittoki."

_It's impossible._

Tokiya looked down at his cup of tea and closed book, his eyes lowered, and Masato could tell that the perfectionist did not want to answer the question. That it was a question with possibilities that were too painful to speak of. Tokiya simply let out another sigh and smiled bitterly, as though detesting their fate.

"I'd rather not say it... Hijirikawa-san."

Reiji Kotobuki

"Reiji, if you keep smiling like that, there is an 85-100% probability that you will end up blurting everything out the moment he comes."

"Don't be so pessimistic about me, Ai-Ai!" Reiji yelped with a laugh as Ai sighed and Camus grunted. "I'm not gonna spill the beans sooner than we agreed on! But I can't help but smile thinkin' of how he'll react when he finds out - our dear, precious Nattsun deserves all the love!"

"I cannot refute the last statement, but do tone it down, Kotobuki. The excitement in your eyes might as well divulge our plan."

"And you know that Natsuki might hear ya, right?"

"Hey!"

The four QUARTET NIGHT members were all sitting in the living room space of the hotel room while Natsuki was getting ready for the day in the bathroom. The four of them had prepared something truly special for their dear friend ever since coming back from the confrontation with Otoya the day before, and with everything going exactly how they wanted it to, all they had to do now was wait for an unsuspecting Natsuki to come and join them. Sitting beside Ai with excitement and happiness bubbling inside his heart, Reiji let out an exhale to calm down - as per his band members' request - before giving Ai a sincere smile.

"Honestly, though, that was real sweet of ya to suggest doing this, Ai-Ai." He turned to face Ranmaru and Camus with the same true smile. "And for ya guys to all agree to be in on this. I'm pretty sure that all of you guys never actually did this for anyone before Nattsun."

"You're right on the fact that we've never done or even thought of doing this kind of thing before," Ranmaru remarked, his arms crossed behind his head with a magazine resting on his lap, "but at the same time, the more time I spend with you four, the more I've been doin' things I never thought I'd do, and to be honest, I ain't complainin'. When I say I'm in on somethin', you can bet I freaking mean it."

"You could say that this thing called a 'bond' has had quite an impact on each and every single one of us," Camus said, setting his glass of water down onto the glass table. "All while knowing that if the positions were reversed amongst us, including Shinomiya, we would be doing the exact same thing for the person in need."

"I suggested the idea because more than anything, Natsuki matters to all of us and deserves every bit of support that he can receive," Ai explained, a small smile forming on his face. "From experiencing this treasure called 'friendship', I learned that true friends go out their way to do things that they may not normally do for one another if it makes their friends happier and be able to genuinely smile."

He let his cheek rest on his palm and his teal eyes softened.

"It's our sincere willingness to ensure one another's happiness that gives us the right to call one another true friends, and this is one similarity that all five of us share despite our differences."

"You guys..." Reiji felt his eyes and lips ease into a gentle smile, emotions welling up inside each corner of his heart. "You know... hearing you all actually talk that deeply about how the friendship the five of us share means to you really fills me with true joy."

He wrapped an arm around Ai.

"It reminds me all over again that we're not just fellow idols or allies, but a family connected by the bond we share."

And the fact that none of them, despite how they could be tsunderes from time to time, tried to deny it made Reiji smile even more, both inside and out, especially when he saw slight smiles on all their faces. He was about to speak again when the bathroom door creaked open, causing his heart to leap up in surprise for a moment. But he quickly recovered and smiled gently when he saw Natsuki fully dressed for the day and closing the door behind him.

"Come over here, Nattsun." He patted the space next to him, trying to contain the excitement welling up inside his heart all over again. He smiled brightly. "We all got something to show ya before we all head down for breakfast."

Natsuki agreed with a soft smile and approached them, taking a seat beside Reiji on the sofa. The younger blond had cried in his sleep last night. Reiji had been awoken by the sudden urge to use the restroom, but when he came back to the bedroom area, he found Natsuki on their shared bed, hugging his dolphin plushie tightly, small tears rolling down his cheeks as he whimpered in his sleep, _Please... don't hate us... Please... stop hurting us..._ Natsuki had not spoken as much as he normally did ever since the confrontation, but slowly, his heart started to heal the more time he spent with Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru, chuckling and smiling as they talked. But that did not mean that the pain was gone - Reiji knew Natsuki better than to think that he would be truly freed from the pain of fans' hatred and a friend's betrayal in mere hours. Without hesitation, Reiji had gotten back on the bed, laid back down and carefully pulled Natsuki close to him and gently held him while tousling his soft blond hair. He kept his arms wrapped around his best friend as Natsuki trembled, praying that the latter would be okay and get the peaceful sleep he deserved, smiling when he stopped trembling and the tears stopped, observing as he slept before falling asleep himself as well.

 _You are loved, Nattsun_ , he had muttered softly with a sincere smile. _You are loved._

And when Natsuki woke up the next day - being the last one to wake up as all the four senpais had agreed to get up extra early to check on their surprise for the blond - Reiji was right there on their shared bed, smiling down at him before pulling him into a big hug. Now Reiji smiled and draped an arm around Natsuki as the glasses-wearing blond looked around at all of the senpais with a confused expression on his face.

"Ai-chan, senpais... why are you guys all smiling?" Natsuki asked, rubbing the back of his head with a curious smile. "Did something good happen?"

"You could say that," Ranmaru answered, half-teasing Natsuki with a grin. "Ever since yesterday, we took it upon ourselves to prepare somethin' and now that it's been realized, we're finally gonna let ya in on it."

"You have not used your cellphone ever since returning to the hotel, correct?" Camus asked with a smile so enigmatic that Reiji could not help the grin spreading across his face.

Natsuki shook his head. "Nope, I haven't."

"Go to Twitter now and check the list of trends," Ai told him with a smile. "You will know when you see it."

"Okay, Ai-chan."

Natsuki took his cellphone out of the pocket of his grey trousers' pocket and went to Twitter. His arm remaining on Natsuki's shoulders, Reiji leaned closer, his smile widening more and more as his emotions threatened to take complete control of him and Ai scooted closer to them with a smile.

"Okay, Ai-chan, senpais, I am on Twitter now and the list is-"

_Yep!_

Reiji smiled brightly as Natsuki's eyes widened in pure astonishment.

_There you go, Nattsun!_

The four of them had decided to trend a number of hashtags representing Natsuki on Twitter using their individual accounts and their main unit account. Natsuki would have noticed if he had logged onto Twitter, but yesterday he had decided to not use his phone at all - partly because he did not want to run into notifications of hate comments from the fans - and instead, focus on other things, granting the four of them to go through with their surprise without Natsuki accidentally finding out. The phone screen showed the list of trending hashtags and a number of them were definitely revolving around Natsuki, and those particular hashtags had been created by Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru to trend on the social media platform as a way of supporting Natsuki and telling the world to do the same. Before the plan worked, there had been hate comments and hashtags trending on Twitter, insulting and badgering Natsuki, but now that they had done what they had, those hashtags were nowhere in sight. Ranmaru grinned and Camus smiled as Natsuki's eyes welled up with emotion and the emotion was not one of sorrow or hurt. He looked up at the senpais and they all smiled at him, with Reiji tightening his arm around him.

"Rei-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai, Maru-chan-senpai, Ai-chan..." he uttered softly, "did you guys..."

"Ya got that right," Ranmaru answered. "When you were in the bathroom yesterday, Ai suggested for us to trend hashtags to support ya on social media. We wanted to set the record straight that you will always be one of us and that their hatred was as unjust as it was ridiculous. And boy did it work."

"Each of us selected two each," Ai told Natsuki with a faint smile. "Reiji chose #kindestnattsun and #heisoureuphoria; Ranmaru chose #truesoul and #rockingheart; Camus chose #heiswithus and #natsukiisnatsuki; and I chose #radiantnatsuki and #emotionalheart. With the addition of hashtags of your name. And it appears that all of the hashtags made it on the list."

"Do have a look at what the fans are saying about you," Camus told Natsuki with his arms crossed. "You will be surprised."

Natsuki nodded quietly and scrolled down the comments that included the senpais' hashtags and in his heart, Reiji read them along with him:

_"He doesn't deserve to be hated on! He deserves love just like the rest of them!"_

_"He is their euphoria for a reason - he wouldn't turn his back on any of them no matter how bad things may seem, and we should be doing the same when all he's done is give all his heart!"_

_"The fandom made too much of a big deal of his past and that wasn't even his fault! Let's all help Rei-chan and the rest trend these hashtags so that Nacchan can smile again!"_

"And this here," Reiji gently tapped the screen a few times, "is the post that all four of us posted in our main unit account and individual accounts for you, Nattsun. Take your time reading it."

Natsuki smiled faintly and Reiji could tell that the blond was trying his best to not cry as he let out a quivering breath and kept his eyes on the small screen. After Natsuki had fallen asleep last night having gone to bed much earlier than usual, the four of them had composed the paragraphs that they would later combine into a long post to be revealed in five different accounts. And Reiji smiled gently as the emotions that they all had poured into the message tugged at his heart:

_"He is the kindest person we know and our most cherished person too. He looks out for us, sacrifices himself for us if he has to, and gives us all a reason to smile every single day. I could go on for lines and lines, but ya get the message, don't ya, my boys and girls? Nattsun is our euphoria and he deserves to be loved as much as the rest of us do. No one leaves anyone behind; no one wants anyone to be sad. He is our glowing star that shines even brighter than Sirius and that'll never change no matter what has happened, happens and will happen. #kindestnattsun #heisoureuphoria" - Rei-chan_

_"Radiance, kindness, warmth and emotions... Natsuki is the kind of person who glows with all those aforementioned things without his light ever waning even the slightest bit. He has touched your heart at least once before, right? In that case, do open your hearts and let him reach inside of them again, because that is precisely the kind of person he is. Someone with the earnest desire to heal and warm the hearts of those he cares about. #radiantnatsuki #emotional heart" - Ai Mikaze_

_"The guy's genuine - anyone who says otherwise is makin' a fool out of themselves. He has a rockin' true passion and heart that even I can admit that. He gave his heart no matter what was done to him and what he was doin', and that should be more than enough reason to give him a chance to show you guys his heart. We know him more than anyone and I can swear that you won't regret it - he won't ever let that happen. #truesoul #rockingheart" - Ranmaru_

_"Natsuki is a personality unlike any other. With his innocuous wishes to be able to reach the people around him, he will endure pain if he has to and not to mention, does so with a true smile knowing that it was all worth seeing the people he loves smile. Does that kind of person deserve hatred? Does that kind of person deserve to be abandoned merely because of an incident that he himself had zero control over? Does that kind of person deserve to be judged so unjustly? The answer is no, am I correct? So your love and support would be greatly appreciated by myself as well as the rest of my unit members - your love will reach him. #heiswithus #natsukiisnatsuki" - Camus_

_"Even though we are the ones sending you this message, please do not support him for us. Support him for him - for all that he is. Because that is what it truly means to accept and care about someone. And that is precisely why we are sending this - because we will do everything in our power to ensure his happiness. #love #natsuki #nattsun #natsukishinomiya #lovehim"_

"After we have breakfast," Reiji spoke softly as Natsuki lifted his head from the phone screen, "we will all start helpin' ya get ready to face everyone once and for all. We'll go over what'll happen and take you out looking for the right outfit for that day, do everything that we can to make sure it'll all be fine."

Reiji placed his hands on Natsuki's shoulders and smiled warmly as he looked into the blond's green eyes.

"We love you, Nattsun. You are loved. Always remember that."

That was when Natsuki could no longer hold back his tears. The tears slipped down his face, glistening under the fluorescent lamps, and Reiji tightened his hold on his shoulders as Natsuki sniffled, a quiet sob escaping his lips. "You are loved." Nodding quietly, Natsuki gave him, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru a tearful, sincere smile and whispered with a cracked voice.

"That's the reason... I can keep going..."

Natsuki's eyes softened as Ranmaru walked towards him and placed a hand on his shoulder and Camus got up from the sofa as well.

"Because you guys are here..." he smiled, tears cascading down his face, "and always will be... and I love you guys so, so much... and I am so happy that I can be with you."

Camus crossed his arms with a smile as Reiji smiled even more.

"Thank you..." Natsuki pulled Reiji and Ai into a tight hug and Reiji pulled Ranmaru and Camus in as well. "Thank you for making me cry this kind of tears... The tears that are cried knowing that you are loved..."

"We are a big family, Nattsun," Reiji muttered quietly, tightening the hug. "The five of us and that'll never end. This happiness, these tears, this love..."

He smiled gently.

"They'll never leave."

...

Five days later, the five of them were backstage in the right wing alone, concealed by the velvet curtains. They had all prepared for this day - from choosing the right attire to recollecting themselves and assuring one another that there was nothing that they could not overcome as long as they were one. The staff member gave the signal that said that it was time for Natsuki to go up onstage and immediately, Reiji pulled him into a tight hug.

"You will move and warm their hearts," Reiji told him as Ai joined the hug. "Even though it hasn't begun, I know you will. And we'll be right here with ya."

"Remember to keep calm and simply be yourself," Ai told Natsuki, giving him one last squeeze on the shoulder when the three of them broke the hug. "That is precisely when you glow the brightest that you can, Natsuki."

Ranmaru slapped him lightly on the back of the head while Camus wished him the very best of luck. Thanking all four of them, Natsuki slowly inhaled and exhaled and gave them a warm, radiant smile before taking ahold of his microphone and walking past the curtains and into the live stage. Reiji's heart grew warm as he watched Natsuki walk into the spotlight, wishing him all the very best, believing in him with all his heart.

_You're glowing, and that light will only grow brighter with each passing moment._

He glanced at Ai, Camus and Ranmaru, and his smile softened as truthful words that had echoed inside his head from time to time warmed him on the inside.

_All you have to be... is sincere. Sincere, warm Nattsun that has always, always touched our hearts just by being true to himself._

"It's raining outside, just like back in the secluded park. But... on this very day, the rain does not mean sorrow like it often does when utilized as a metaphor."

Ai turned to Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru and smiled before he shifted his eyes over to Natsuki again, his voice lowered to a gentle whisper. Natsuki had stopped at the very centre of the brightly-lit stage before an ocean of countless fans with their light sticks and Ai's eyes became gentler.

"The rain here today... represents a day of healing, and his warm light will mend what has been broken, like the tears that need to fall in order to grant relief to a broken soul."

_"We've kept the faith_

_In 'our own ways,'_

_Putting our lives on the line_

_Conveying it_

_Joining together_

_Shining_

_Resound, emotional life!"_

\- "Emotional Life", by Otoya Ittoki (Takuma Terashima) and Natsuki Shinomiya (Kishow Taniyama)


	34. Tears for Orion

Otoya Ittoki

"As you already know, Mr Ittoki, what you have done cannot be overlooked."

Shining sighed, his hands clasped together as his eyes stared gravely right into Otoya's.

"And I myself am not taking this lightly."

Otoya nodded stiffly, knowing that he deserved worse than the calm, grim way Shining was speaking to him now. Shining had personally summoned him to his office, desiring to speak to him without the presence of anyone else, including the other STARISH members and even his right-hand-men Hyuga and Ringo. He had expected the head of the agency to start yelling at him the moment he took a seat in front of him, but much to his astonishment, Shining had talked in a calm, even tone, asking if Otoya knew what he had done wrong. And biting back the sob that was clawing at his throat, Otoya had let everything spill out of him: the bribing of interviewers to ask crude and harmful questions to Natsuki, the shooting of the rock at Natsuki's stab wound, the thumbtacks that had injured Ranmaru, the switching of letters, and the video that had caused countless fans to emotionally attack Natsuki. Natsuki and the senpais still had yet to know that Otoya had bribed interviewers, but even without that, they probably already resented him for that and wished for him to be gone.

And Otoya... could not blame them at all.

_If sensei wants me gone... my time as an idol is done... and it's no one else's fault but mine._

He lowered his head, hiding a weak smile within his own broken heart as Natsuki's shattered voice pierced through his mind like a sliver of glass.

_They all probably hate me for this... and they all have every right to... especially Natsuki. Because I..._

_"You tried to destroy everything I ever loved."_

_... I tried to ruin him._

"Before I resume to the part regarding the consequences of your actions..."

Shining leaned back slightly, adjusting his sitting position.

"There is something that I would like you to watch very carefully."

Otoya did not say a word as Shining pulled out a silver laptop from under his desk and opened it. What... was Shining doing...? Why was he not telling Otoya that he was leaving the agency yet? That his future was broken, just like the hearts that he had pierced? His expression unchanged, Shining turned the laptop so that Otoya could see the screen before speaking in the same even tone.

"This is live from the same venue as the first STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT live less than a week ago." His eyes were unreadable, and Otoya stared at the screen, unsure what the head of Shining agency wanted him to see. "Please watch it from the beginning until the very end, Mr Ittoki."

"Y-Yes, sensei," Otoya spoke, his voice barely above a mutter. "But sensei, what do you want me to-"

That was when his heart was paralyzed by the individual stepping into the spotlight from the left wing of the stage, revealing himself to the mass of people that had gathered in the broad venue. People were waving yellow and white light sticks from the pitch darkness surrounding the stage and there were flashes of cameras and cellphones, but all that Otoya could focus on was the tall blond who stopped at the very centre and took the black microphone from the stand propped up in front of him, alone on the illuminated stage. And even though the person that he was watching had not said a word, Otoya could feel himself start to quiver on the inside as he imagined the tremendous anguish and sadness hidden behind those kind green eyes.

"Natsuki," he uttered under his faltering breath.

Natsuki Shinomiya

It could have been the loneliest live.

Standing under the yellow spotlight at the centre of an empty stage illuminated by white and yellow glows, surrounded by a sea of overlapping sounds and waving yellow and white light sticks amidst pitch darkness, a black backdrop behind him, Natsuki gently curled his fingers around the black microphone a little tighter, trying to calm his unsteady heart. His left and right nearly felt empty, with no one standing right next to him, and the only other thing visible on the stage was the stand from which he had taken the microphone. He could see white and yellow light sticks, with white being a neutral colour befitting any show and yellow being his theme colour, but he had no clue as to who amongst the crowd were truly there to support him. Who amongst the crowd resented him and Satsuki. Who amongst the crowd truly believed in them and loved them as they were. But one thing that Natsuki knew for sure... as sorrowful as it made him feel... was that none of them truly understood him or Satsuki completely, and that alone could have made Natsuki the loneliest that he had ever felt being up onstage.

Except... that he was not lonely, for he was not alone.

Not with his parents who were watching the live from their home at Hokkaido after a phone call in which they told Natsuki that they loved him for all that he was. Not with Eli who was sitting in the greenroom with his parents, the Kizuna family looking out for Natsuki. Not with Ren and Cecil who had switched the television at the mansion on and had been waiting for the live to begin, having sent him best wishes. Not with Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru standing in the left wing of the stage with smiles in their hearts, holding him and his heart tightly, standing by him no matter what. Not with Satsuki in his soul... watching over him like he had always done whether or not Natsuki knew that he existed.

_I may be standing on my own on this broad stage, but... I am not alone. I am not lonely, because... everyone is with me, inside my heart._

Natsuki took in a deep breath and let it out, aware that his breath quivered a little, the warm memories filled with love shrouding his heart.

_Because I... I love and am loved, no matter what._

"Good day, everyone."

A hush fell upon the sea of people and Natsuki could barely make out any words from the overlapping voices over his pulsating heartbeat as he paused for a moment and spoke again.

"Thank you so much for coming to this live," Natsuki continued, looking out at the crowd with a faint smile curved by his lips. "To be honest... I wasn't expecting so many of you to come after what happened towards the end of the last STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT show. But... you guys are all here and seeing all of you and your white and yellow light sticks and hearing your voices warm my heart, and I can't thank you enough... for giving me a chance to open my heart, to hear me out."

There were a number of people cheering out, "Natsuki!" and "Nacchan!" but most of them maintained the solemn atmosphere by remaining silent without a single clap or yell, but Natsuki was grateful to be unable to hear any curses or insults from where he was. Remembering what the senpais had taught him about breathing, Natsuki placed the hand holding the microphone against his chest as he inhaled and exhaled again, concentrating on what he was here to do instead of the broken possibilities, and recollected himself.

"I know... that many of you are mad and hurt," Natsuki confessed, his voice even but quieter. "Because you all saw the video of Sacchan - Satsuki, my alter ego - being played live and either found out or remembered the pain and destruction caused at the Hayato concert more than two years ago. And there are those of you who said and think that... I will hurt everyone at the end, that I don't deserve to be where I am... that I... I should just walk away and leave for everyone's sake."

Although a part of him had expected at least one person to yell out an insult or shout cruel words to him, much to his surprise, no one did. Every single person gathered in the darkness remained silent, hanging onto every word, and deep down, Natsuki could not feel more grateful and relieved.

"But... here I am. I'm still here, and all I want... is to be able to reach into your hearts once again and let you see not just a part of me, but all of me. To understand and listen, to hear me out, my words and feelings, as well as Sacchan's."

Natsuki paused for a moment, his heart quivering as the emotions within himself threatened to overflow like an ocean of stars, and his voice came out as a near-whisper.

"Is that alright... everyone?"

Ai Mikaze

_Simple, meaningful and emotional - that had been the theme that all five of us had agreed upon when it came to determining the outfit for this important occasion._

Ai did not take his eyes off Natsuki as he, Ranmaru, Camus and Reiji wordlessly watched Natsuki, with Reiji's arm wrapped gently around his back.

_A comprehensible representation of the wearer, and so we ended up with simple metaphors that symbolized a sole heart. Not unusual and yet held sincere depth to them. Neither was it an unfamiliar idea to the five of us._

_Flowers._

To be completely honest, they did not arrive at an agreement immediately, as always - especially with two particular stubborn opposites bickering more than half the time, although Ai had to give them credit for attempting - note: _attempting_ \- to minimize the bickering for Natsuki's sake. It had been Natsuki who had come up with the idea of flowers in the first place, expressing with a smile that he had always believed that flowers were a simple yet earnest way of conveying one's heart.

 _I want to convey not just my heart_ _, but Sacchan's too_ , Natsuki had admitted, clutching his chest a little. _The fans don't see his kindness, the innocence and selflessness behind his mistakes, how he doesn't care how he's remembered as long as he protects me... And it's not fair and I don't want to only stand up for myself when he deserves to be understood too._

He had smiled gently.

_I want to help him reach and touch their hearts, too._

_My data had not predicted you and your alter ego to form such a deep connection_ , Ai mused in his head as he watched Natsuki's lips curve into a faint smile and the younger blond pressed a hand over his chest. _From being completely unaware of his existence and being shattered when Tablo Ozrock revealed Satsuki's destruction until this live where you want nothing more than to reach everyone's hearts for the both of you. Where you see Satsuki as your close friend and companion rather than the alter ego that had caused you to break down more than once, and are not afraid to admit it regardless of what everyone thinks._

Warmth blossomed inside Ai's chest and he smiled sincerely.

_That already brings out your heart to light._

To keep the outfit simple, they had used small imprints for the flowers on Natsuki's shirt. Standing before the audience, Natsuki's clothes had white and black as the dominant colours, representing the lyrics of Satsuki's solo "Orion de Shout Out", as well as how he and Satsuki had been seen as the light and dark sharing one body, and those two colours were as straightforward as they were classic and chic. Without any fedoras or accessories, Natsuki donned loose black trousers with no imprints, a matching belt, and black leather shoes that Ranmaru lent him with the two of them having similar shoe sizes. The loose short-sleeved white shirt that he wore had three minuscule flower imprints just below the left collar, above his heart: a white daisy, a blue forget-me-not, and an indigo tropical anthurium, representing innocence and loyal love, precious memories, and kindness, respectively. And all of them deeply connected to one particular emotion, whether or not the fans' hearts were too blinded with resentment to notice or realize it:

Sincere gratitude.

Out of the corner of his eye, Ai noticed the slight smiles curving on Ranmaru and Camus' faces, regardless if the tsundere duo wished to admit it or not later on. Reiji's grey eyes were glimmering with emotion as the crowd warmly applauded in response to Natsuki asking them if it was alright for him to allow them to see all of him and his alter ego, the answer a clear, genuine "yes", and Ai felt warmer on the inside.

_Even if you do not realize it, both of you have started reaching into people, Natsuki, including us. If I had an actual heart..._

Ai's lips eased into a faint smile.

_... you would have reached mine already._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"I know that it sounds strange and confusing, but... there are memories missing inside of me, memories that are important and yet I haven't been able to recall no matter how much time has passed. Bits of them have come back, but I still can't really piece together what happened to me that made me forget the memories... and even being unable to understand them hurts so, so much, even when I don't understand why."

Natsuki tightened his grip on the microphone, barely managing to keep his voice even as his heart quivered in his chest.

"It's a part of my post-traumatic stress disorder, which is accompanied by Gemini Syndrome, the condition of having a split personality, an alter ego. And that alter ego is Sacchan, whose real name is Satsuki. Satsuki Shinomiya."

He let out a trembling breath before continuing, unsure if he was going to be able to hold himself back from releasing his tears.

"Sacchan... He was born from my pain and sorrow. He was born to protect me from getting hurt, to make sure that I could still smile no matter how broken my heart was. I know... that by coming out when I removed my glasses, he ended up causing destruction and chaos, hurting people who didn't deserve that pain, unable to control the anger and resentment that was burning inside of him. I... When I found out, I was broken and terrified... scared that all I was... was a monster and a liability who had hurt everyone I ever loved and cared about without even realizing it. Scared that I didn't deserve... to be where I was."

Natsuki could never forget the way Tablo Ozrock had mocked and laughed at him, calling him names even as he broke down and sprinted out of the meeting room, his heart shattered and bleeding.

"But... as much pain as he caused... he did it to protect me," Natsuki confessed, his voice softening. "Because I wasn't strong enough to protect my own self, to speak up when someone was hurting me. Because... I was broken and scared and weak and he refused to let me suffer. So on behalf of both of us... everyone... whether he has laid a hand on you or there is pain in your beating hearts..."

Natsuki bowed deeply, tears threatening to fall.

"... we are so, so sorry."

He remained like that for the next passing moments. Standing alone on the yellow and white stage, surrounded by pitch darkness and light sticks, bowed down with his head hung, a lump in his throat. That was when the first sob was inadvertently choked out and caught by the microphone and tears began to stream down his cheeks. His body was trembling, but for that silent, earnest moment, he did not try to stop it. This was him. Broken yet wishing to be bright. Tears falling and yet his body still standing there. Trembling but persisting, surviving, living for the people he loved the most. Protecting and speaking for the alter ego that had unconditionally shielded him even if he did not even know he existed, and...

Telling everyone, including Satsuki and himself... that he had grown to accept Satsuki as a part of him, as someone whom he would love and protect as well.

Gulping down cold air, Natsuki slowly straightened himself and looked out at the audience, smiling weakly as the tears continued to slip down, as he overheard a number of broken sobs and cracked voices from the sea of people. He couldn't stop here. He had yet to convey everything that he had come here to, that he needed to with all his heart. So with a quivering breath, he wiped his tears away with his left hand and let himself have a moment of silence before speaking again, his vision partially blurred by tears that glimmered in the yellow glow of the spotlight.

"During that Hayato concert... Sacchan sang a song that he wrote and created on his own... 'Orion de Shout Out'."

The lyrics echoed inside his head like a haunting melody.

"After I truly got to accept Sacchan, I tried listening to it. Again and again. With Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, Maru-chan-senpai and Myu-chan-senpai sitting with me in the living room, I would put the earbuds in, play the song, and listen in silence. The lyrics, the melody, the rhythm, all of it... I listened over and over again, not wanting to miss anything, hoping to understand Sacchan more through his song... And I realized that he didn't just write the song for himself."

Natsuki smiled painfully.

"It... It was for me too. It was about the both of us. Our pain, our wishes, our broken pieces in a world where shadows plague our minds, whether we understand their reasons or not. So today, standing before all of you, I wish to sing this song again, only slower and gentler in contrast to Sacchan's quicker and determined melody."

As soon as he started singing, the instrumentals that he had recorded with the senpais would begin, and he braced his heart, hoping that his voice did not crack from his tears.

"Today... for everyone, including Sacchan... I sing to you "Orion de Shout Out" Ballad Version... hoping that the memory that lives on... is a bright one."

Reiji Kotobuki

Reiji could never forget the first time that they had gathered in the living room to listen to "Orion de Shout Out" together, with all of them using earsets and their own cellphones.

Ai had suggested for Natsuki to write the first thoughts that came to mind while listening and understanding the song, stating that they could help further analyse it, and their best friend had agreed. And for the 3 minutes and 55 seconds that the song had lasted, all five of them had been in their own heads at maximum concentration, having their own thoughts and feelings towards the alter ego's solo song. Reiji had found the song intense and emotional at the same time, reflecting an unspoken desire to change the world around the singer and to burn brightly amidst the pain. And when he turned to Natsuki, Reiji had been shocked to find the open pages of his notebook filled with countless sentences, not at all expecting him to have that many thoughts. And he was even more shocked when he saw that Natsuki was already crying, tears pooling around his kind green eyes.

"It's my pain too," was all he uttered as he held the notebook out to Reiji after he had finished writing, his quiet voice cracking. "His... and mine."

Staring to worry, Reiji took the notebook from Natsuki and kept one hand on his best friend's shoulder while the other held the notebook securely. Ai took off his earplugs and scooted closer to Reiji while Ranmaru and Camus leaned forward from behind the sofa to take a look at what Natsuki had written. And Reiji's eyes dilated at the very first line. And stared at the next. And the one after that. All the way to the very end. All the lines had been neatly written below the corresponding lyrics of "Orion de Shout Out" and "pain"...

... was a sheer understatement for the emotions in the written first thoughts.

_"Roughened shadow minds, driven almost to madness_

_Who am I? Leading the dark moon!"_

In the present, Natsuki was singing his own ballad version of "Orion de Shout Out". He had recorded the instrumentals in the studio along with Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru after creating a ballad rearrangement of the song, with the musical instruments involved being the viola and piano. As Natsuki gently sang the first verse, cuing the start of the piano, Reiji could feel his heart tremble as the words that he had read from Natsuki's notebook corresponding to those lyrics echoed inside his head like the sorrowful memory it was.

_If the senpais had not found me that night, my mind would still be broken and the shadows would never have left. My answer to "Who am I" would have been "burden", "coward", "liability", those cruel words that Ozrock used to laugh at me and define me. I would have been trapped in the darkness, unable to piece myself together, unable to find the light. I wouldn't be able to see, hear or smile, wouldn't be able to feel warmth._

_"Shadow and light, You and I, drawing closer_

_Asking what's real or fake"_

_We drew closer through sharing everything. Not just our happiness and smiles, but our sorrow, anguish and tears. Despite the shadows that threaten to tear us apart, despite the memories plaguing my head saying that I have only hurt them, what I fail to remember bringing tears to my eyes even when I don't understand why._

_"Black? White? Why? Why?"_

_I had asked, Why am I in so much pain? Why am I crying? Why can't I protect them? Why am I so weak? Why... do I feel so broken... and useless?_

Even though many of the memories that Natsuki had written down actually took place long after the solo song was created, upon Camus' asking, Natsuki admitted that while they were not his first thoughts unlike the ones he had written, he did have memories that were also related to those lyrics from before the song was created. Ai gently asked if Natsuki could give them a few examples and after a moment of silence, Natsuki did tell them about it. Like how he had been isolated in high school by his own peers for being "that prodigy" as well as weak, naive and too nice, bullied repeatedly and being plagued by a past that he did not even remember. Like how powerless he had felt when his parents kept apologizing while holding him in their arms, blaming themselves for being unable to protect him. Like how he had hidden away in the secluded garden after his "friends" had pushed him into the school swimming pool and laughed at him, drenched and crying. As Natsuki's cracked voice echoed inside his head, Reiji could feel his heart wrench all over again as he watched his best friend sing alone on the stage, never forgetting the sadness behind his smiles, never forgetting how Reiji had pulled him into a tight hug not long after he started answering Ai's question, refusing to let go for at least half an hour.

 _Why didn't we meet you sooner...?_ Reiji had whispered, tears running down his face as he tightened the hug, almost like he was afraid that Natsuki would shatter and fall away if he let go for even a second. _Why... Why couldn't we save you sooner?_

And Natsuki had shaken his head rapidly, saying that none of them could have known, that he was more than grateful that he had them, and Ranmaru had gritted his teeth, clearly on the verge of crying as Ai's eyes held an agonized look and Camus clenched his teeth. The excruciating possibilities in Natsuki's written thoughts had haunted Reiji when they were in their shared bedroom that night, a lump stuck in his throat. What if the driver had taken a different route that broken night? What if Reiji had been too engulfed in his sorrow to notice the crying male on his knees on the sidewalk? What if he had decided to leave things to the rest of STARISH and sent Natsuki to the mansion rather than took him to his apartment? How much more broken... would Natsuki have been behind his smiles? How much more... would all of them have failed Natsuki? The thoughts terrified him to utter pieces, even as he and Ai sat on the bed together and held Natsuki tightly, even though he knew and was sincerely grateful that he had made the decisions that he had made that night. And now before his very eyes, Natsuki was singing a song that symbolized his and his own alter ego's pain, his voice soft, gentle and fluent and also filled with unspoken sorrow and grief, as a kind soul that had emerged as a broken yet surviving spirit that remained true to himself and his dearest people even in the darkest times.

_"Like Orion, I will continue to burn throughout the countless nights, at times with tears, at times with struggle, at times with my two hands and heart desperately trying to hold on when I am slipping away into the dark."_

As Natsuki's words about Orion reverberated inside Reiji's heart, the blond on the stage was singing the lyrics, " _That's the way it should be..._ " with tears glistening in eyes filled with agony under the spotlight.

_"That's what Sacchan wanted me to not only understand, but accept with all my heart... and now I do."_

Reiji felt an elbow prop itself onto his shoulder as the piano and viola instrumentals grew even more sorrowful with each note that Natsuki sang. He quietly turned and saw Ranmaru suddenly already standing close beside him, his heterochromatic eyes filled with emotion. Camus was right beside Ranmaru, his arms crossed, a solemn yet empathising expression vivid in his normally-cold eyes. Ai was on Reiji's other side, his teal eyes never leaving Natsuki, filled with emotions that he would have no clue he was capable of feeling if not for Natsuki. Reiji pulled both Ai and Ranmaru closer and let the emotions seep through his heart, burning like the Hunter, Orion.

_We're burning with you, Nattsun._ _We'll be burning so that you don't have to see darkness anymore, so that you don't have to feel like you are the only one burning in the sky of solitude._

" _Just as I lament, I'll continue searching through my doubts_ "

Reiji smiled weakly as the tears dribbled down his cheeks.

_So you don't ever have to feel that way ever again._

" _Gemini Syndrome_ "

Otoya Ittoki

"Mr Shinomiya created the ballad arrangement on his own and recorded the instrumental with Mr Mikaze who played the piano due to his experience with the synthesizer."

A grave Shining paused as Otoya wiped his tears away from his eyes, the instrumentals of the ballad version of "Orion de Shout Out" coming to an end as Natsuki looked out at the audience with tears glimmering in his eyes.

"He had described it as a song that represented the pain in two hearts. His own and Satsuki Shinomiya's," he continued, his voice quiet but firm. "And it was a pain that he would never forget, because it will be engraved in memory, no matter how many smiles he makes."

Otoya nodded with a broken "yes", knowing that he would only break down if he tried to speak even more. Countless tears had been shed in that live. Sniffles, cries and sobs had been heard from each and every corner of the audience, with the cameras spanning from one footage to another, as pain, grief and sorrow were expressed through the voice and words of the sole, broken soul onstage that had been nothing but kind and forgiving to the people around him. From the speech to bowing down to the audience to singing a ballad version of Satsuki's solo song... Otoya felt himself break more and more, knowing that he was one of the main reasons why Natsuki was crying onstage in front of everyone. Otoya had decided to completely disregard how much pain Natsuki felt when he carried out his plans against the blond, but all that Otoya did was add to the torture that Natsuki had already been suffering this whole time. Gulping down a mouthful of air, Otoya hung his head as the audience cried out to the tearful Natsuki, claps reverberating from every direction.

_What... What have I done...?_

"Before today, I requested the five of them to see me in my office."

Shining clasped his hands together.

"Mr Shinomiya, Mr Mikaze, Mr Kotobuki, Mr Kurosaki and Mr Camus. They all came together and we had a major discussion about your actions and their consequences, as well as the effect that they had on the five of them, especially Mr Shinomiya. They hadn't known that you had manipulated the interviewers' behaviours and so I told them that and recounted all the mistakes you made before asking them a few questions that I requested an honest answer to: What is the appropriate course of action to them? What would be enough to compensate for what you have done?"

His eyes were solemn behind his sunglasses.

"Do they believe that you, Mr Ittoki, deserve to be dismissed from the agency and suffer a ruined career for the rest of your life?"

 _I do_ , Otoya muttered in his head, tears blurring his eyes as he forced himself to nod and he held back a sob. _I do. And they shouldn't be forgiving me. They should have yelled at me more, gotten madder, hurt me for what I did, for not caring if I broke Natsuki when he would never have done the same to me._

He clenched his fists as he saw Natsuki on the screen bowing down to the audience again, tears falling down like the rain on the other side of the glass windows.

_I'm the one... who deserves to be hurt._

"And Mr Ittoki, as much as none of them had completely let go of the hurt they felt from your actions..."

Shining leaned back slightly.

"Not a single one of them desired for what happened to burden you for the rest of your life. None of them wanted you to be dismissed or for the news that it was you to be broken out."

Otoya's eyes slowly widened in sheer disbelief as tears streamed down his face. His expression unchanged, Shining took his cellphone out of his pocket and placed it on the table between them.

"This is a recording of the conversation that the five of them had with me. Not a single one of them was aware of this, even the most perceptive ones of the group."

He placed a finger above the Play button.

"Listen well, Mr Ittoki."

Shining played the recording and almost immediately, Ai's voice spoke up.

"I do not see the necessity to take such unalterable measures, especially the part where Otoya's life is ruined because of the consequences."

Otoya stared down at the cellphone, unable to believe what he was hearing from the stoic, youngest senpai who had spoken coldly to him when he and Camus realized that Otoya was the perpetrator who targeted their close friend. _Ai-senpai-_

"Just because he hurt us, it doesn't give us the right to ruin him," Ranmaru agreed, his voice grave. "As much as we are still mad - I am for sure - we ain't gonna ask for him to suffer for the rest of his life. He doesn't deserve that - no one does."

"Ittoki coming in terms with his wrongdoings is sufficient enough for us," Camus remarked with an even tone. "To be honest, before you summoned us all here, the five of us already had a discussion in regards to Ittoki's fate after his actions. And none of us wished to ruin him and stoop to such a despicable level. What difference would that make?"

"We will always care about Otoyan," Reiji continued, his voice filled with pain, "no matter what he did. And ruining his career and life isn't going to do anything but bring even more pain to each and every single one of us, and even now the pain is already too much and undeserved. We know that you aren't going to easy on him, but please do not dismiss him or tell the media that it was him! All it'll do is hurt everyone and that's the last thing we all want!"

As Otoya sniffled, he noticed that Natsuki was the only one who had not said anything. He truly didn't deserve Natsuki's forgiveness, no matter how kind the blond had always been, and a part of him truly wished that Natsuki did not agree with the senpais because Otoya did not deserve it. But then Otoya heard a soft exhale and it was ensued by a gentle, agonized voice that belonged to none of other than the last person that Otoya deserved forgiveness from.

"We will cover for him if we have to."

Otoya's heart was paralyzed by the genuine promise in those words. _Natsuki-_

"If you need a story, sensei, the five of us already came up with one so that this can never be traced back to Otoya-kun," Natsuki continued, his voice gentle but filled with sincere resolve. "We will protect him and make sure that no one will ever find out that it was him and try to use it against him, because he doesn't deserve that. The only thing we want, sensei... is for Otoya-kun's heart to be bright again. For him to understand that just because I am with the senpais, it doesn't mean that I am gone or STARISH is gone or he has lost everything. Because he didn't. And he never will."

Otoya let out a choked sob at the kindness in Natsuki's words, his heart cracked.

"Please... please let him be forgiven, Shining-sensei. Because he doesn't deserve... to lose everything."

"After that discussion with Mr Shinomiya and your four seniors," Shining spoke as he stopped the recording and Otoya wiped his tears, "I made my decision. Taking into account all the valid points that they had brought up as well as the future aftermath, I have decided to not dismiss you from Shining Agency, Mr Ittoki, although if this were a different situation, you would have been gone by now."

Otoya stared at Shining with wide, tearful eyes and the latter's eyes remained serious but were not angry.

"And your reaction to Mr Shinomiya's solo live further validates the decision that you deserve the opportunity to remain here and redeem yourself, with your remorse and guilt towards each of them vivid in your eyes," he continued. "It shows that you are not an unredeemable person but instead, a young man who, amidst his own suffering and desperation, made terrible mistakes but understands the weight of them now that his eyes have been opened."

Shining looked straight into Otoya's eyes and his expression softened.

"Please do not make them regret their answers, Mr Ittoki."

...

When Otoya left Shining's office, he had not stopped crying. His eyes puffy and his cheeks wet, he knew that all it took was a single glance to tell that he was an utter wreck. But that was the last thing that he cared about right now. If people saw him, so be it. He deserved worse than what he got - everyone knew it. But what he had not expected once the double doors closed behind him were two particular people standing directly in front of him, as though they had been waiting for him to come out of the office. Otoya stared at Ren and Cecil, shocked that they were even here after he had indirectly hurt the both of them by going after Natsuki.

"What..." he let out a quivering breath, "what are you guys-"

Before he could even finish, two pairs of arms had pulled him into a tight hug. Warmth surrounded him as Otoya stared at Cecil's brown hair and the two fellow STARISH members tightened his arms around him, both of them telling him that they were here and were not leaving. His eyes dilated, Otoya soon felt warm tears rolling down his cheeks and he let out a broken sob as he held Ren and Cecil tightly, unable to stop himself for breaking down any longer.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, so, so sorry... Ren, Cecil... I'm so sorry..."

And both of them held him even tighter, assuring him that it was okay. That they were okay. That he would someday be able to make things right with Natsuki, Reiji, Ranmaru, Camus and Ai. And he stood there, crying his heart out, the pain and mistakes unable to be undone. He thought back to the last scene that he had seen before he looked away from the screen once and for all, the live never to be forgotten. Alone under the spotlight, Natsuki had placed one hand on his chest and the other hand had been held out to the audience as tears ran down his face after the song had ended.

With a broken smile, he had looked out at the crying people and uttered into the microphone words that Otoya would never forget no matter how long he lived:

_"Let's live this emotional life together, no matter what."_

He had smiled weakly.

_"This emotional, broken life, no matter how much can't be undone."_

Reiji Kotobuki

"Ugh..."

Reiji rubbed his eyes as his mind cleared, his body throbbing with signs of fatigue as he yawned.

"What time is it...? Man, that was some deep sleep."

To be honest, it was some of the best sleep that he had gotten in quite awhile, as well as in his life. Yawning again, Reiji stretched his arms and let out a quiet laugh as his vision adjusted itself to reality, slowly clearing over, and his mind began to recall what he had done just hours ago. After Natsuki finished singing the ballad version of "Orion de Shout Out", the audience had cheered for him in a flood of tears and warmth, moved by his performance, and he had thanked them one last time before going back to the right wing, where Reiji immediately pulled him into a big, warm hug, squeezing him tightly. Ai had hugged Natsuki too, tighter than usual, with a faint smile on his face and so did Eli who joined them moments after Natsuki came back to the right wing. Natsuki had hugged Ranmaru and Camus, both who, unlike usual, did not protest or try to pull away - Ranmaru had even clasped a hand on the back of Natsuki's head and closed his eyes with a half grin. Afterwards, the five of them had gone to their favourite cafe with Eli to have their own private celebration of the end of a period of turmoil and sorrow and then home where they could finally rest, breathing out sighs of relief that it was over. While watching comedy anime in the shared bedroom, Reiji had offered to take Natsuki and Ai on a late-night drive to see the stars by the river, but Natsuki had been too worn out and they both understood with smiles.

Chuckling at the memory of how adorable Natsuki had looked peacefully asleep with his arms wrapped around his white teddy bear, Reiji turned to see his best friend, only for his eyes to widen when he found the space next to him to be empty.

"Nattsun?" Reiji uttered softly. "Nattsun? Where are y-"

He stopped himself when he found a tall blond standing in front of the glass window, looking out at the night sky, except that the more rigid and aloof posture suggested that it was not his best friend. Pulling the quilt off his lower body, Reiji got off the bed and the blond turned, confirming his suspicions. Reiji stood about a metre away, now more alert than he was just a moment ago, and opened his mouth to speak, only to be beaten to it.

"If you're wondering, I didn't force my way out this time."

Satsuki's green eyes were frowning slightly, but were not as cold as usual.

"It's another inconsistency that arose thanks to my forceful actions back then; Natsuki was fast asleep and I was given a chance to take over for a bit, so here I am. Besides, I'd never forgive myself if I hurt him like that again."

His arms were crossed over his chest as he leaned against the frame.

"And thank your sleeping habits that you woke up already; I've been waitin' to have a word with you, Reiji."

Since when did Satsuki call him "Reiji"? From what Reiji recalled, the alter ego had never addressed any of the senpais with their own respective names and he had mainly called Reiji "clown". But Reiji decided to not ask for now and nodded briefly, taking this conversation seriously.

"I'm guessing it's about Nattsun's live yesterday."

Satsuki narrowed his eyes and Reiji knew that he was right.

"You know that he did it for you too, right?"

"You know, I hate the fact that you are almost always right without me needing to say anything," Satsuki remarked with an irritated sigh, shaking his head. "Like when Natsuki asked if I was smiling and you answered him. I was listening throughout the whole thing and I really wanted to clobber you on the head for being that bluntly accurate and speaking for me like that."

Reiji couldn't help but chuckle. "It's kinda unusual for ya to compliment anyone, considering what happened the last time we talked."

Satsuki snorted. "But speaking of that conversation, seeing you in person again, I can speak on behalf of that rocker and say that you really look short. And Natsuki's height ain't doing you any favours."

"Hey!"

"But yeah... I know he got up on that stage and did that live on behalf of me too."

The atmosphere turned serious again as a wave of emotion flickered across the alter ego's normally-hostile face.

"I was watching the whole time."

Reiji nodded, waiting for Satsuki to continue.

"Natsuki was point-blank right when he figured out what 'Orion de Shout Out' meant and what my true purpose is," Satsuki spoke, his voice even. "Despair, agony, grief, sorrow... All those emotions that were engraved in those lyrics and melody... They were his in the first place. When I wrote that song, I was conveying what I'd felt through what he'd felt. The pain was never mine alone; it was his too. And after years of not knowing I existed, he's finally got it. And that live... it blew my expectations out of the water - way, way out of the water. Never had I imagined the day he would take the stand for the both of us but it came anyway. And I wanted that for him more than anything. As much as I should have been the one apologizing in that live..."

Satsuki's eyes softened a little.

"... I'm glad he took it into his own hands and mustered the strength to do what he did."

Reiji's lips curved into a true smile, his heart warmed at the memory of Natsuki's courage throughout the entire live, proud of his best friend. _You really did us all proud, Nattsun._

"But now it's my turn to apologize."

Satsuki looked Reiji directly in the eye, his stare intense.

"Sorry..." his stare was almost harsh, but Reiji knew that the alter ego was not mad, "sorry for punchin' ya in the face that day... when I forced my way out. You didn't deserve it; I get that now."

Reiji stared back in shock, not at all expecting Satsuki to apologize at all, and he opened his mouth to speak. "Satsuki-" That was when the bedroom door swung open, revealing the three remaining occupants of the apartment.

"Ai-Ai? Ran-Ran? Myu-chan?"

Reiji stared at his band members in utter confusion at the fact that they were all awake.

"What are you guys-"

"Got woken up by some nightmare, so I was going to the kitchen to get some early grub," Ranmaru answered, his arms folded with a frown. "And that was when I overheard you guys and noticed that there was something off about the way Natsuki was talking. And it came to me that it wasn't Natsuki at all."

He glanced at Ai and Camus.

"So I shook those two awake and here we are. Mind filling us in?"

"And here I thought that you lot were dysfunctional," Satsuki commented nonchalantly and Reiji's eyes widened. He waved his hand dismissively. "But then again, through Natsuki's consciousness, I saw that you guys have been makin' improvements as a five-man group, so now I can't expect to have a one-on-one conversation, can I? Not that it's a problem."

"Is Natsuki okay?" Ai inquired as Camus narrowed his eyes.

"He is," Satsuki answered with a curt nod. "Thanks for asking, Ai. I can tell you've gotten more considerate compared to when we last met, and that ain't a bad thing."

"Wait, 'Ai'?" Ranmaru repeated, jabbing a finger at Ai, whose eyes widened slightly. "Since when did the alter ego punk call us with our actual names instead of the rude stuff like-"

"Unless you want me taking back my decision to actually _respect_ the whole lot of you people for being true friends to Natsuki, deal with it," Satsuki retorted, and Ranmaru stared at him like he had just burst into flames. He rubbed his temple with an irritated sigh. "God, maybe having Natsuki's patience may not be bad every once in awhile - dealing with you four sure is a freakin' headache."

"Why you little-"

"But I just have a few more things to say anyway, so I guess I'll last a bit longer."

Satsuki looked around at all of them with a grave expression that demanded for them to listen well.

"There's no one in the world that Natsuki loves and trusts more than you four," Satsuki told them directly. "And that's no exaggeration. His heart has never been more open and glowed brighter than it does now, and that's thanks to all of you - even I can actually admit it as much as I normally don't trust Natsuki with anyone other than myself. So you four had better not break the guy or I'm comin' after all your heads, and that ain't an exaggeration either."

He focused his stare on Reiji and Ai.

"Especially you two, Reiji, Ai. And don't you four just give me your word, but also your earnestness for it, 'cause I don't even wanna think about what will happen if you end up breaking him."

"If you truly have been observing us this entire time..."

Camus let out a scoff as Satsuki frowned.

"Do you truly believe that there is even a smidgen of a possibility that we will lay even a finger on Shinomiya? Or are you just so asinine when it comes to trust?"

"Well, as much as you got that right, ice prick, you're no exception in distrusting others."

"And neither are you, Kurosaki."

"Oi, I'm not the one pointing out others' lack of-"

"Before their needless bickering changes your mind," Ai spoke up, his teal eyes serious, "you can trust us to look after Natsuki and always remain by his side. It's a mutual fact between the five of us, and Natsuki is no exception. He never will be."

"Ai-Ai's right," Reiji agreed, slinging an arm around Ai with a sincere smile. "Nattsun's dear and precious to us, and he'll always be our best friend! We love him as he is with every bit of us!"

"You'd better," Satsuki said, but it did not come off as a threat or demand. Instead, it came off as an acknowledgement of the truth, somehow. "I'll be watching over him; I trust he's finally found the right people to be with."

Satsuki reached for the glasses on the bedside table and that was when a thought came across Reiji's mind.

"Satsuki."

"What?" Satsuki asked, turning to face Reiji again.

"I know the memories will eventually come back," Reiji spoke, his heart clenching in his chest, "but if you can tell us... I wanna know one thing. Just... how bad is it?"

He looked directly into Satsuki's eyes.

"How much pain did Nattsun suffer to the point that the memories are locked away?"

"Unimaginable."

Satsuki paused, grimacing.

"Whatever you're thinking, it's worse than that. Much worse."

Reiji stared in sheer hurt and worry as Satsuki unfolded the black-framed glasses.

"But he's getting there."

He held the glasses a little tighter and looked Reiji in the eye with a fierce resolve burning in his green ones.

"He'll be ready one day. And when he is, we'll all be there with him."

Without saying anything else, Satsuki closed his eyes and slipped the black-framed glasses on. In a few moments, the pair of eyes slowly reopened and kind, innocent green eyes blinked as they looked around the room. "Ehh...?" Natsuki rubbed the back of his head with a puzzled expression on his face, and Reiji couldn't help but chuckle at his best friend's awkward cuteness. "I was asleep earlier, right...? Why am I standing up? Did something happen?" Ranmaru and Camus smirked while Ai let out a quiet laugh, only causing Natsuki to be even more confused. Promising himself to tell Natsuki all about it later, Reiji stepped towards Natsuki and with a sincere smile, pulled him into a tight hug, deeply grateful for the fact that he had Natsuki as his closest friend, knowing that he could never have better friends than the four people with him now.

_Yep. You're right, Satsuki._

Reiji could hear Natsuki laugh lightly and hug him back equally-tightly and it made true happiness swell inside the brunet's heart.

_He will be ready, because we'll be right beside him no matter what._

Satsuki Shinomiya

Within Natsuki, Satsuki was watching over the kind-hearted male as always, quietly and seriously. Shining had given all five of them a break and Satsuki felt that all of them sure freaking deserved it after all the trash slammed at their faces. The group of five close friends were now sitting by the river and sipping milk tea that they had gotten packed from their favourite cafe, under a sky overflowing with stars. Natsuki had brought a telescope and they were taking turns spotting constellations and stars, with Natsuki teaching the senpais which constellation was which and talking about the different stories that they had.

"Which one is this, Nattsun?"

"That's Aries."

"This one looks familiar."

"It's Libra, which is also your horoscope, Maru-chan-senpai."

Natsuki rotated the telescope a little and beamed brightly.

"There's Orion! Sacchan's favourite star!"

Satsuki's eyes widened. No matter how many birthdays had passed, Natsuki had always had this quality about him that made him somewhat... childlike. There was this simplicity and innocence about him and his choice of words and his heart that could truly surprise the people around him and move their hearts. As Reiji perked up and a curious Ai peeked through the telescope, Satsuki noticed his own vision start to blur and before he could react, warm tears were rolling down his cheeks, silently but steadily. Okay, he had to admit that he had nearly broken down while watching that live in which Natsuki sang his own ballad version of "Orion de Shout Out", but it was now, with everything overflowing within him, when he finally could no longer hold back the tears or deny the urge to let the tears go.

_"Like Orion, I will continue to burn throughout the countless nights, at times with tears, at times with struggle, at times with my two hands and heart desperately trying to hold on when I am slipping away into the dark._ _That's what Sacchan wanted me to not only understand, but accept with all my heart... and now I do."_

_Finally, Natsuki._

Natsuki's words to Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru reverberated inside Satsuki's memory and the alter ego cracked a smile as he watched Ranmaru teasingly ruffle Ai's hair and Camus smirk amusedly when Reiji attempted to guess which constellation was named what, only to be revealed to have failed miserably when Natsuki corrected him with a laugh each time.

_You are burning and smiling for real, and that's what it means to light up the darkness with your soul. And you always will, Natsuki._

_"Burning fiercely in the night sky, Orion! The flames of your heart,_

_That's the way it should be, and that's how you should live!"_

\- "Orion de Shout Out", by Natsuki / Satsuki Shinomiya (Kishow Taniyama)


	35. Petrichor of Waves

Ai Mikaze

_The rain, the flowers, the leaves. Numbers, words, and even time... They all wish to convey something and do so in a way that nothing else can, like how the rain dribbles down the sky in the place of tears and time fades by never to be retrieved. They know what they can convey and what they want to convey._

His fingers were motionless on the keyboard of his laptop.

_The question is... what do I want to convey? And can I... will I be able to convey it right?_

Ai was currently in the living room of the apartment, seated comfortably on the right end of the sofa that was simultaneously his bed, the left end containing a fluffy white pillow and the penguin plushie from Natsuki, Pina, propped above his neatly-folded lavender-and-blue quilt. His laptop was leaned against his thighs and with a quiet sigh, he peered from above the sofa at the glass window behind which countless raindrops were cascading down the ash-grey sky like a waterfall of tears that could no longer be held. It was a Thursday afternoon and almost a week ever since the live where Natsuki opened up about his struggles to the fans and sang the ballad version of "Orion de Shout Out." After a hectic morning of interviews and guest appearances, all five of them had the afternoon all to themselves and took the opportunity to get much-needed time away from the public eye before evening came and they had to star in a TV show. Camus had disappeared into his room with a mystery novel and a cup of hot chamomile tea and not come out ever since, while Ranmaru had fallen asleep on his sofa mere moments after showering. Natsuki and Reiji were currently outside buying bubble tea and dinner for everyone, while Ai was working on his solo song.

Or attempting to, at the very least.

His eyes lowered themselves to the laptop screen, quietly staring at the blank word document and the motionless white cursor.

He had not been at all successful for the past 2 hours, 11 minutes and 54 seconds.

_Why... am I struggling this much?_

During lunch at a hot pot place 17 minutes from the apartment, before the rain even started, the five of them had talked about their respective progresses of their solo songs for the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project. Natsuki was nearly finished and all that he had to do was finalize the lyrics, whereas Reiji had decided on a more mature and serious theme in contrast to his normally-energetic and light-hearted songs. Camus, Ranmaru and Ai, on the other hand, had yet to even confirm what they wanted to sing about despite the fact that the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project was nearing its halfway mark. And at this very moment, despite having 100% concentration on his work, the word document before Ai's very eyes remained blank with words that had been typed only to be deleted mere moments later, a blunt indication of 0 progress.

For a few brief moments, he allowed his focus to shift over to Ranmaru, whose body was spread across the length of the red sofa and under a thick maroon quilt, his normally-standoffish expression now shrouded with a serenity that was almost never associated with the rocker when his eyes were open. Ai quietly observed as Ranmaru's chest rose and fell in a slow, constant motion, the latter's head moving slightly on the pillow, his lips mumbling something inaudible. He was honestly puzzled as to how relaxed Ranmaru could be despite the deadline and having no progress on his solo song. The same applied to Camus. Ai turned to face the door to Camus' bedroom, from which no trace of sound could be heard. Ai was at a complete loss as to what to do - he was not at all accustomed to this severe lack of inefficiency. He was created to be of use, not to be stuck at what he should be able to handle without any stumbles or falters. And yet as he reminded himself of his purpose and what he was supposed to be capable of...

Quietly, he placed a hand over the left side of his soundless chest, concentrating on what had come uninvited.

... something about it... hurt.

_Hurt, purpose, capable..._

_Convey, want, emotions..._

_Certainty and uncertainty..._

_Why is it that the more I feel, the more words I learn and wish to hold onto..._

The hurt appeared to worsen the more he thought in the cold silence that was only adorned by the dripping of colder raindrops.

_... the less certain I become, the more pain I sense? And I... I don't even know... what to define this pain as._

"Kotobuki and Shinomiya would be saddened upon their return if they see you in this state, Mikaze."

Ai pulled himself out of his moment of contemplation and turned to Camus, who was standing near Ranmaru's sofa with a teacup in one hand and his novel in another. "Camus." His ice-blue eyes were grim as they bore straight into Ai's.

"If you are struggling to make any progress, leave it be for now - coercing yourself will do you no good."

"Coerce..." Ai repeated the word softly and thoughtfully as he adjusted his sitting position and set his feet onto the ground to make space for Camus, who took a seat on the left end of Ai's sofa. "That's... what I have been doing?"

"Unless you have a more appropriate term for it, yes," Camus answered, placing the teacup onto the glass table. "I do not see another way to briefly describe what you have been doing for the past two hours, which is summarized as attempting and hoping to make progress on your work whilst pushing through with your thoughts. Not to mention, I can tell that there is an evident absence of intervals as the teapot and cup in front of you have been untouched ever since I retreated to my chamber."

He picked up the teacup near Ai and held it out to him with a serious, I-won't-take-no-for-an-answer expression on his face.

"So do allow yourself a break, Mikaze - that is the very least you can do to prepare for this evening's activities."

Even though he was extremely reluctant to heed Camus' advice and wished to continue working on his solo song, Ai could tell that his flatmate was concerned for his well-being, even if the Permafrost count did not say it explicitly. Moreover, all that Camus said _had_ been completely accurate - Ai had not taken any rest and Reiji and Natsuki would be pained seeing Ai in this condition, and he was sure that Ranmaru would not be happy either. Therefore, with a quiet, heavy sigh, Ai nodded and carefully accepted the teacup from Camus, who then proceeded to get up from the sofa to brew tea as the one in the teapot had gone cold. Yet even though Ai closed the word file and shut off his laptop, the thoughts did not leave him. Neither did the pain in his chest which he failed to truly define as something more specific and less vague than merely "pain."

Quietly, he shut his eyes and clutched the left side of his chest tightly.

_Why... can't I convey myself right... no matter how much I wish to...?_

Camus

"Kurosaki, may I have a word with you?"

Camus narrowed his eyes when the rocker did not respond.

"Do not pretend you are asleep, you fool. I know that you can hear every syllable as I speak."

"Ugh, whatever..." Ranmaru - that insolent fool - grumbled and cursed as he slowly opened his eyes. Annoyance was plastered all over his face as he stretched his arms and dragged himself up into sitting position, his heterochromatic eyes lightly scowling at Camus. "God it's hard to have some private peace when being flatmates with four other people, including a ridiculous, know-it-all ice prick."

"It appears that we have the same sentiments," Camus remarked with a scoff, "except the last part where I am to refer to you as a hooligan rocker who does not have a smidgen of common sense when to keep his mouth shut." Ranmaru's glare intensified and Camus hid a smirk. "But putting this pointlessness aside, if you are awake, with the knowledge that you normally fall asleep at a far quicker pace, you must have your personal concerns, am I right?"

"Not like you don't," Ranmaru retorted as Camus allowed himself to sit on the far end of the sofa. However, his eyes were serious now. "Not to mention, Reiji and Natsuki." His eyes darted to the aforementioned best friends' shared bedroom. "Highly doubt they're sleepin' in there."

His eyes narrowed slightly.

"This is about Ai, isn't it?"

"Mikaze showed numerous inconsistencies throughout the evening," Camus spoke after taking a sip of his Earl Grey tea. "He was distracted and much too occupied by his own thoughts, barely spoke in the greenroom and two-way drive and sang the wrong opening verse during our rehearsal. He normally pulls off all his performances flawlessly and these mistakes are too much of deviations from his normal standards."

"Can't deny that." Ranmaru shook his head, looking straight ahead at Ai who was sleeping on the sofa directly across from them. "Thank God we all managed to get him to sleep right after he took a shower. When it comes to work, that guy is as stubborn as Reiji if not even more stubborn. God."

He paused for a moment, looking down at the glass table.

"But ya know, that's the first time I've ever seen Ai that unnerved, and I gotta say it's honestly disturbing."

Ranmaru fell back against the sofa and sighed as he stared up at the dimly-lit ceiling.

"What's going on with him? I mean, yeah, like you and Natsuki pointed out earlier, he's been beatin' himself up over his lack of productivity, but it can't be just because of the song, right?"

Camus did not say a word. To the fans, Ai Mikaze was known as the "mysterious idol". Not much was known about his past to them. His blood type and origin were left as "classified" and in interviews, amongst all five of them, he was the least inclined to divulge any personal details, further adding to the enigmatic persona that the public perceived him to have. All the fans saw was a mysterious, quiet teal-haired idol and human with an angelic face and voice and the natural ability to perform with sheer perfection. In reality, however, Ai was an android who bore the appearance of an actual human being and had been created for two main purposes: 1. being Shining Saotome's ideal idol and 2. awakening the comatose Aine Kisaragi. Be it his public persona or his unspoken nature, there was one thing that had always been demanded of Ai - a particular thing that Camus professed to view as a potentially detestable or necessary thing depending on the situation:

Perfection.

Oh how Camus often found himself hating that word. As an idol and a living being, "perfection" was demanded and expected from Ai during all circumstances. Perfection in pleasing those who were to be pleased. Perfection in fulfilling his purposes of being created in the first place. Perfection every minute of the day. Perfection no matter what could possibly happen. Sitting beside Ranmaru, Camus took another careful sip of his tea as he observed Ai hold his penguin plushie securely in his arms, not a single sound to be heard from him. Camus could actually relate to Ai, as did Natsuki, Reiji and Ranmaru - with all of them needing to excel in their line of work and surpass the public's expectations. However, perfection was not effortless. Neither was it not tiresome. Camus could not count the number of days that he had been exhausted from sustaining his butler persona in front of the public and restraining himself from snapping at insolent fools who had no idea about crossing the line. And Ai's responsibilities centred around that tormenting, pressurising expectation every second of the day.

_Perfection... Such a demanding, selfish word._

Camus barely held back a loathing scoff as he and Ranmaru sat in silence with a mutual, unspoken concern towards the sleeping teal-haired male. Although, if he did introspect his own being, Camus could confidently say that he himself was far from selfless.

_If one ever asks who amongst us despises that word, expect all of us, including Shinomiya and Kotobuki, to raise our hands without even a single moment of hesitation._

"Ya think he'll be somewhat back to normal when he wakes up tomorrow?"

"I cannot answer that with certainty, Kurosaki," Camus answered. "Only Mikaze can."

Ranmaru grunted, his expression hard. However, what formulated in Camus' head and yet he did not allow himself to say to his band member to hear was:

_He may be programmed to execute his duties perfectly, but that does not mean that he needs to coerce himself to do so every single moment, and that is more than reasonable. However..._

Camus remembered how Ai had stared at the empty word document on his laptop and clutched his chest tightly, not even noticing the number of times that Camus passed by despite being one of the most observant of the group.

 _... how much of that statement does Mikaze comprehend- no,_ apply _to his actions?_

As much as Camus would not admit it to his flatmates, especially the silver-haired rocker staring absentmindedly at the ceiling beside him, the reason that he was still awake at this time of the day was because he had been pondering over Ai's strange behaviour and felt simultaneously concerned and perturbed by it. Eventually, Ranmaru said that he was going to sleep and Camus got up from the sofa to return to his bedroom, and the both of them glanced at Ai one last time before retreating to their planned activities.

_As hypocritical as I may sound and am saying this... sometimes you need to lower the standards you impose on yourself, for the sake of your own well-being. That applies to everyone, including the both of us, Mikaze - you need to understand that._

Ai Mikaze

_Constraint._

_"A limitation or restriction", as defined online once the word is keyed into a Google search._

_"Stiffness of manner and inhibition in relations between people", an alternate meaning from the same source._

_Constraints are different in dissimilar situations. There are the constraints between people. The lack of fluency and comfort between friends after a heated argument. The lack of kindness and compassion between strangers, between people who do not regard each other as "important" or "dear". The insincere laughs and false smiles and lies between those who want the other to know as little as possible about their innermost feelings._

_That's... that's merely a small segment of the constraints of reality._

The soft breeze brushed against his loose white cardigan and lilac T-shirt as a hummingbird chirped from a distance.

_The constraints of my reality._

Ai let out a quiet sigh as he continued typing on the word document being displayed on his silver tablet. It was Friday and the time read 2:17 p.m. Shining had unexpectedly given all five of them individual tasks for the day that they had no option to refuse, which Ranmaru cursed later on, so all five of them dispersed across the city to do their idol work. Having completed a photo shoot and two interviews, Ai was the first one to finish work for the day and was now in the forest, attempting to work on his solo song once again. The warm yellow sunshine filtered through the burning red and orange treetops and the rare olive ones and seeped onto flower bushes and viridescent grass. Leaves were swept gently by the breeze as blue and white butterflies fluttered by and the sounds of rustling brought a strange sense of calm to the air. Under the shade of an autumn tree, Ai was sitting on the grass, his back settled against the tree trunk, his tablet in his hands. Even though he truly hoped that today would be more productive, he exerted effort in reminding himself of his friends' concerns. Right before they all parted to do idol work, Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus had all encouraged him that he would be fine and told him to not push himself too much. It was, however, quite difficult to not push himself; his lack of productivity had been disturbing him all day, continuing from yesterday the minute he woke up from being fully charged.

And now, as much as he never predicted himself doing so, he was using Natsuki's approach when it came to allowing inspiration to flow: writing it out. While Natsuki wrote in his yellow notebook which Ai would borrow from time to time, Ai typed on his tablet - he had always preferred doing things on digital platforms. As he looked up and saw leaves flutter down like a shower of petals as birds emerged and soared higher towards the sun.

_It is constraints of reality that give way to the definition of "fantasy", to what people say can only exist in "dreams" and "imaginations". Skies cannot glow with pink, red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple all at once. Flowers fail to grow in the absence of light's kindness. The rain never falls upwards even for the sake of hopeful sentimentality. The storms never cease to exist and come from time to time as a reminder that reality never has the liberty of being completely void of shadows and sadness. Constraints that define what can never be, constraints that prevent people from reaching beyond what is called "possible", from fulfilling countless wishes and desires, all which, in conclusion, counter against this term called "freedom"..._

Ai remembered how the word "constraint", when formulated in his own mind, had granted him a tight pain in his chest, and let out a soft exhale as he stared up at the sun that threatened to blind and suffocate. And now the word "freedom" somehow seemed painfully distant.

_The freedom to express, the freedom to wish and hope..._

"Ai-chan!"

Abruptly pulled out of his thoughts, Ai blinked and shifted his attention to his very left. With yellow hummingbirds and green canaries hovering around him, Natsuki smiled gently and waved at Ai as he came closer, his green eyes illuminated under the sunshine. According to the individual schedules that Ai had collected, Natsuki was to be the first amongst the others to finish work for the day, followed by Ranmaru, Reiji and lastly, Camus. The five of them had all agreed to meet here in the forest after idol work and even though most people would easily find themselves lost in such a dense forest attempting to search for one another, Natsuki, who could converse with animals, had taken the initiative to ask his animal friends to help guide them to the area that Ai had chosen. The birds chirped cheerfully as Ai offered a small smile and Natsuki sat down next to him.

"Is this why you arrived 35 minutes after the time you were scheduled to be dismissed from the television show?" Ai asked, gesturing at the large picnic basket that Natsuki had brought.

"Yeap!" Natsuki nodded and beamed as he opened the basket and took his notebook out. "After the TV show, I was given some candyleaf tea bags from the host as a thank you present. I was already planning to brew tea for all of us, so I decided to try these out and fix the tea at home before coming to the forest."

He took out a pink-and-white-checkered picnic blanket and his smile softened.

"Let's set everything up together and then I'll pour us some tea and we can have the first taste together."

Ai smiled faintly and gave him a small nod, causing his best friend's green eyes to brighten gently. They spread the blanket together and Natsuki took out a tall, cylindrical yellow thermos from the basket once they were settled in their sitting positions beside each other. He had brought cinnamon cookies, honey and sugar for everyone to share, even though Camus was the one who was most likely to use the latter two, and more picnic blankets, including a spare one that he knew Ranmaru would use to take a peaceful nap. As Natsuki carefully poured the tea from the thermos into Ai's teacup, the sweet scent slowly rose into the air, intertwined with the thin, graceful spirals of vapour, and as though it were a magnet, butterflies, birds and rabbits began to peek from leaves and come closer. A white rabbit nuzzled its head against Ai's right side and Natsuki let out a chuckle as he poured himself tea as well.

"Aww, it likes you, Ai-chan."

"Surprisingly," Ai remarked, gently stroking the head of the rabbit with his free hand. He felt his lips ease into a faint smile. "I was fairly certain 99.9% of animals kept a distance away from me upon first impressions."

 _Because they can sense my true nature._ Sadness flickered across his chest like a candlelight. _An android devoid of a beating heart._

"They were just unsure, that's all," Natsuki assured Ai, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze as he smile warmly. "That white canary from that day ended up loving you lots, right? And I'm pretty sure if the other animals give you a chance, they will all love you too."

Ai's lips curved into a slight, sincere smile. "Thank you, Natsuki." He meant it. Natsuki smiled and laughed when another rabbit nestled itself between him and Ai. He then asked Ai to try drinking the tea and Ai did, slowly taking a small sip from his teacup. As the name suggested, the candyleaf tea was truly sweet. It was the kind that left a sweet aftertaste on one's tongue and brought a state of sincere calmness. Ai liked it the more sips he took and could tell from the sparkles in Natsuki's eyes that he did so too, but he was certain that Camus would relish in this particular flavour the most among the five of them. The rabbits eventually scampered away as the butterflies fluttered deeper into the forest, but a few of the animals lingered as Natsuki and Ai sat on their picnic blanket, appreciating each other's company as they chatted over tea and waited for Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus to arrive.

"Ai-chan, you were working on your solo song before I came, right?"

Natsuki gestured at the tablet settled on Ai's lap and smiled faintly.

"How are you doing?"

"I took your and Reiji's advice and placed my thoughts in a word document," Ai answered, looking down at the tablet. "However, I am still unable to say that I have made much progress, let alone decided on a theme with certainty."

"I can try and help you if you want," Natsuki offered with a kind smile in his green eyes. Ai smiled faintly; Natsuki had always put Ai and the others first no matter what the given situation was. However, this time... Ai could not truly bring himself to accept Natsuki's offer to help. Not yet, at least.

"Thank you, Natsuki," Ai slowly said, hoping that he was saying this properly, "but... I don't think what I've put in this document is ready for you to see. Not yet, at least. It's... It's not that I don't trust you, Natsuki. I just..."

He lowered his eyes to the tablet.

"I... I just need to have a better understanding of it myself first."

_Why does this honesty... pain me?_

"You don't have to feel bad, Ai-chan. Not at all."

A larger hand placed itself on top of Ai's left hand and gave it a tight squeeze. He turned and found himself looking directly into Natsuki's gentle green eyes behind his black-framed glasses.

"We all have those times when we need to think on our own for a bit before talking about what's on our minds even to our most precious people," Natsuki assured him. "But if you ever want to talk about it, you know that you always have Rei-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai, Maru-chan-senpai and me, right?" His smile softened as Ai nodded. "That's what's most important - knowing that you are loved and that the people who love you will always be there."

A yellow hummingbird chirruped and Natsuki let out a quiet chuckle.

"The birdie says that it loves you too."

Ai let out a soft laugh, and it was quite rare of him to genuinely laugh. _Love..._ When the word reverberated inside his head like a lost melody, an acute sense of painful sentimentality swept through his chest. _The feeling of love... Of loving someone and being loved in return. A mutual connection, a mutual emotion, with uncountable methods of conveyance. Through words, gestures, paintings, songs... art..._

His chest was aching again, but Ai refrained himself from reaching out to clutch it.

_Through a freedom of expression... which I am now questioning how much I am capable of having..._

"You know, Ai-chan, the birdies and butterflies up there won't be able to fly if they try too hard."

Ai's eyes widened marginally as he shifted his attention over to Natsuki, who was staring up at the sky with emotion in his eyes.

"Soaring into the blue, into the light. They won't be able to fly if their hearts are heavy with the strains of pushing too hard and thinking too much, strains that can turn into bruises and even wounds. They are able to spread their wings and fly gracefully with their own colours because their hearts are light and smiling. Because they are free and feel that way deep inside of them."

The treetops rustled again and Ai saw a dove soar through the sky, white wings piercing through the deep azure landscape near effortlessly, heading towards the glowing autumn sun. _Light, smiling, free..._ An arm wrapped itself gently around him and pulled him closer, and Ai turned to Natsuki, who held and faced him with a warm smile.

"You will be able to fly too, Ai-chan. Just like the birdies and butterflies, you will with a smile deep inside of you. We all believe that and will be smiling when you do."

Warmth seeped into his chest and Ai let himself relish in it, knowing that it was genuine and not a fragment of imagination that could never be - that was what Natsuki and Reiji had first taught him. As they remained sitting close to each other and drinking more tea, Ai was observing a purple butterfly hovering quietly above a blue clematis when he heard a shrilled cry. 

"Oh no!" 

In a flash, Natsuki was up on his feet and running towards the left, and without a moment of hesitation, Ai followed him. Within seconds, they stopped running, having reached the lake area, and found a blue jay on the grass, its right wing torn, crying out helplessly. His eyes filled with hurt and worry, Natsuki crouched down by the pitiful bird and took a tissue out of his pocket, whispering soothing words to his animal friend, and Ai bent down next to him, carefully studying the bird's condition to see which parts Natsuki had to especially tend to.

_While birds themselves have their own constraints even in their movements - as cruel and painful they are - humans cannot fly. They can dream of growing a pair of wings and soaring towards the light of a sky dyed in pink, yellow, orange and red, towards the stars of a midnight-blue nightscape, but it can never be, because of what reality is defined as._

_But if flying is what humans dream of and yet can never do..._

As Natsuki carried the blue jay in his hands and with a faint smile, told Ai that the bird would be fine after it was returned to its family, Ai felt a pang of sorrow in his chest, the same pain that had been reccuring throughout his struggles with his solo song, and he did his best to suppress it.

_... it is what I can never dream of, even for one brief night._

And it hurt again even after Natsuki had brought the blue jay back to its family, who thanked him and Ai. Even as they went back to their picnic area and found Ranmaru already there, laying on a green picnic blanket with his bass next to him. Even as Reiji threw his arms around both Natsuki and Ai and fell flat on his face when Ranmaru dodged his hug attempt. Even as Camus added more and more sugar cubes and honey into his teacup. Even as Natsuki noticed even when Ai had done his best to disregard the pain, and asked worriedly if he was okay.

"Something is hurting when it should not be this painful," Ai softly admitted when it was extremely clear that not a single one of the four would let go of the matter. "But... please let me figure this out on my own first. I will come to you if this becomes too much to handle."

"You sure, Ai-Ai?" Reiji asked, his grey eyes glimmering with worry as Camus' frown deepened.

"I am."

All four of them stared at him for a few more seconds before giving in, albeit reluctantly. Ai knew that they were still worried, but they simultaneously did not want to coerce him to confide in them, which Ai sincerely appreciated. However, Ranmaru confiscated Ai's tablet, strictly telling him that the least he could do was let himself rest from what he was working on. Camus poured Ai more tea and even added a few cubes of sugar into his teacup saying that he would need the energy, and Reiji and Natsuki draped a blanket over his lap and held him close. He needed to sort this matter out once and for all. So later on, he would retrieve his tablet and, with a cup of tea and complete concentration, continue working on the word document at the apartment tonight. 

_Only for a few hours_ , he promised himself and would tell the others if they protested, which he knew they would. _Just please give me this sparse time._

He closed his eyes and let himself relax as he felt Reiji gently rub him on his shoulder.

_No matter how constrained I feel and am._

Reiji Kotobuki

Nightmares used to come near constantly to Reiji.

Manifested from his guilt derived from his lies, pretences and mistakes, nightmares used to haunt him almost every single night. No matter where he was, whether in the Master Course dorms where he had roomed with Otoya and Tokiya or alone in the bedroom at his apartment, the cold, relentless dreams would drown him alive, chaining him to face piercing words and shattered images, reminding him of the kind of person he truly was and his mistakes that could never be undone. If he was rooming with at least one other person, like back in the dorms, he would be sure to muffle his cries and sobs with his pillow once he woke up. If he knew it would take him too long to recollect himself, not wanting to be interrogated or asked about his current state by anyone, he would lock himself in an empty bathroom or leave the room to calm down and cry until his tears abated. 

And when he was done crying, knowing that he would most likely fail to sleep again, he would immerse himself in other things such as idol work, reading, browsing, listening to music, anything that could help make time fade through the broken night. And the same pattern repeated itself day after day, with the few rare scenarios that he managed to sleep throughout the entire night or forced himself to get more rest whether or not he thought he deserved it. At the time of the day where hearts and minds were to be at ease amidst a serene silence, he would be meeting his struggles on his own, not wanting anyone to intervene or take pity on him, not wanting to be offered the help he did not believe he deserved.

But then... that all changed.

Even though it did not mean that the nightmares completely ended.

It came like a warm hand suddenly burning through his skin - uncalled for, abrupt, excruciating. He had to admit that he did not see it coming at all despite past experiences - ever since Natsuki started living with him, the nightmares had been ambushing him far less often and that rate further declined after the night on the Ferris Wheel. Adding to that, Reiji had not had a nightmare ever since Natsuki moved into his bedroom and slept next to him. It had been a rainy Saturday night, the air damp and serene; the best time for sleeping comfortably. The last thing that Reiji remembered was draping the large, warm green quilt over himself and Natsuki and them exchanging goodnights and gentle smiles before closing their eyes and drifting to sleep. And in the blink of an eye with a drop of darkness, Reiji found himself transported away from the comfort of his bed and his best friend soundly asleep with arms cuddling a dolphin plushie and to a place that Reiji had avoided going alone to at all costs.

The soft crashing of waves echoed dully inside his head.

_A place of tragedies. Of tragedies, grief and uncertainty._

It was only after tragedy and loss at this seemingly-serene place when one truly understood the haunting meaning of the phrase "lost at sea". The sky was a cold, damp winter-white with barely any clouds and only dim traces of sunlight. The soft sand that could have been yellow or gold was the colour of ashes that had been bleached after a fire, devoid of what could have brought merriment to this place where innocent children played sports and allowed their laughter to ring throughout the air, where surfboards were dug into the ground and sandcastles were built and adorned with seashells. The waves fell upon his feet like torn, rippling curtains and slowly retreated backwards as the lonely wind howled and tore past his olive jacket and layered brown hair, travelling to where no one could find them. 

_It's where Aine tried to drown himself._ Reiji remembered what he could never forget, his lips twisting into a sorrowful smile. _And where the four of us at QUARTET NIGHT had first agreed to try working as a group even though we were not at all sure this would work. And where Nattsun had found himself in his dreams, unsure what any of it meant, broken by what he failed to remember._

He stared at the infinite sea, at the waters that calmed yet could have destroyed the people dearest to him.

_I'm not... as lost at sea as I used to be... right?_

What formed in his quietly-beating heart was not warmth as much as it was cold comfort. And while it did not make him smile, it was not unwelcome either. He let his mind be at a little more ease and exhaled, only now noticing that he was not wearing his fedora at the moment.

However...

"Help!"

A desperate cry laced with sheer agony shattered through Reiji's consciousness like the shards of a broken mirror. An icy chill running down his spine, he spun around and his eyes dilated at the sight metres away from him, in the middle of the ocean. 

"Nattsun! Ai-Ai!" Reiji shouted.

Ai was motionless in the water, his head and upper body barely above the surface as his eyes remained shut and his face was sickly pallid. As Reiji broke into a run and yelled for his two closest friends to hang in there, Natsuki kept a firm hold on Ai's arms as he tried his best to haul the both of them towards the shore, his green eyes glimmering with pure worry and anguish. Suddenly, images came piercing through Reiji's head like a torrent of knives and his heart broke at the sight of Ai suddenly malfunctioning when he was exploring the water on his own, his battery drained after overworking himself, pain evident in his teal eyes as he barely managed to call for someone to help him with a voice barely above a whisper, and the deep fear in Natsuki's eyes witnessing the younger boy helplessly struggling to remain above the surface.

_No. No. This is not happening. This is not going to end the worst way possible. It will not. It can't. It just can't._

Reiji dove into the water and propelled himself towards Natsuki and Ai as quickly as his arms could manage, desperation, fear and agony spiralling around his heart like a maelstrom all at once.

_Please... Please stay there. I don't want to lose either of you. I can't... I don't-_

As Reiji drew closer towards Natsuki and Ai, the waves suddenly turned rough and were forcing the two away from him even as Natsuki used all of his strength to try and fight against the current. "No!" Reiji shouted at the top of his lungs, mustering all of his strength to swim faster, broken images of the worst possibilities coming alive in his head like undying flames that scorched relentlessly. _Please, please, please..._ Tears were welling up inside his eyes as he did not turn away from Natsuki and Ai, his heart palpitating uncontrollably. "Please... I'm almost there. Please hang in there just a little longer. I-"

"Rei-chan-senpai!"

Natsuki cried out and Reiji gasped as a tremendous wave appeared right behind Natsuki and Ai, about to fall and engulf them both alive. Words that could not save them or anyone, words like "please" and "no" and "I'm sorry" reverberated inside his head as Reiji pushed himself forward with an anguished cry and reached his right hand forward. "Take my hand, Nattsun!" Trying to fight against the reversing current, Natsuki gritted his teeth and while his right hand gripped an unconscious Ai, held out his left hand towards Reiji. Their hands were almost touching when the sea suddenly turned wilder and Natsuki and Ai were snatched away from him and the hand that nearly reached his was forced away.

"No, Nattsun!" Reiji was crying now.

Yelling again, Reiji propelled himself forward as Natsuki cried out to him in sheer agony and sorrow, both of them trying their best to hope past "goodbye", trying to reach each other again. But that was when the shadow grew darker against Natsuki and Ai and the wave crashed down with all its overlapping sound and emptiness, engulfing his dearest people before his very eyes as tears rolled down his cheeks and his outstretched hand turned ultimately useless.

"No... no... Nattsun! Ai-Ai!" His voice cracked. "Please tell me you're still there! Please call out to me! You're still here... you have to be..."

He forced his way through the stream of water, yelling out to his best friends with a broken voice, hoping that they would call him back.

"This can't... This can't be the end... Please... please stay with me... Please come back."

 _You're my life._ More warm tears slipped down his cheeks as he continued searching through the water that had turned eerily calm, each trace of absence numbing his soul. _You're my heartbeat, my light, my dearest. So please... please... let me find you..._

"I... I can't lose you both... I... I can't..."

_I can't lose my most precious people again... I... I..._

The images of Ai staring down at the empty document on his tablet with helplessness sheening in his teal eyes and Natsuki on the verge of crying as he reached his hand out towards Reiji shattered through his head and he was drowning more and more, not in the sea, but in his own heart.

_I failed. I failed again._

"Ai-Ai! Nattsun!" he was crying out with a broken voice and soul. "Please don't leave me! P-Please... please... be there..."

"Rei... an..."

"Please c-c-come back..."

"... ch... senp..."

"Please don't leave me alone!" he screamed.

"Rei-chan-senpai!"

His eyes suddenly shot open and a gasp slipped through his lips, the cold sky and cruel waters vanishing like the broken illusions of a magic trick that was fated to be ruined within mere moments. His chest heaved up and down like unsteady tides and he just became hyperaware of how unsteadily and rapid he was breathing in and out, gasping for air, almost as though he had been the one drowning in the sea. With his head still hazed and stuck in the gap of reality and dreams, he could feel his T-shirt damp from sweat as tears streamed down his face and the images flickered inside his head like frozen shards of glass under starlight, and he barely heard his name being called again when the same hand gave his shoulder a softer squeeze. "Rei-chan-senpai." Quivering uncontrollably, Reiji weakly shifted his head and found himself staring up at Natsuki, who was looking down at him with sheer worry and anguish glimmering in his green eyes. Suddenly afraid that he was imagining things, he abruptly forced himself up, only to be stopped by a larger hand reaching out and taking his arm.

"Please don't force yourself, Rei-chan-senpai. It'll only hurt if you do that."

Despite the deep agony in his eyes behind his black-framed glasses, Natsuki gave Reiji a soft smile.

"It was just a bad dream, Rei-chan-senpai. I'm right here and so are Ai-chan, Maru-chan-senpai and Myu-chan-senpai. You don't have to worry; none of us are leaving you. It was just a bad-"

Natsuki could hardly let out an exclaim of shock right before Reiji got up despite the younger blond's gentle warning and pulled him into a tight, almost-desperate hug. Reiji wrapped his arms tightly around the blond, squeezing him as his hand clutched the back of his T-shirt, burying his face into his shoulder as his heart and body continued to tremble with sobs and tears. Reiji was terrified. It was after nightmares such as this one when Reiji had to have a double take on reality, hold onto what he had lost in the dream, to convince himself that this was real, that he had not lost his most cherished people, that the dreams were only a part of dark, broken imagination. Within a few moments, Reiji could feel a pair of warm arms encircle his frame and pull him closer, holding him securely, with a hand rubbing his back soothingly. With this warmth...

"It's okay..." Natsuki whispered, his voice hushed and gentle.

This kindness and love and sincerity...

"I'll hold you for as long as you want me to."

The earnest assurances that he would be okay no matter what, the honest smile in his voice...

"We're all alright, Rei-chan-senpai. We're all alright."

... Reiji could only wonder how he had survived and cried through the broken nights without them, without Natsuki and Ai and Ranmaru and Camus. This was why the nights were not as unbearable, but rather, brighter and more beautiful, even when the nightmares did visit as ghouls from the past. Because of him. Because of them. Because he now truly felt that the stars were glowing within him rather than merely shining yet distant in the dark. That this warmth was real, that his happiness was real and would never, never slip away.

 _I won't be lost at sea..._ he smiled through his tears ever so slightly, _as long as I'm with you guys._

As the moments disappeared into the night, the time waiting for not even the most broken of people, Reiji could feel his trembling begin to lessen as his breaths slowed down. "You're okay, Rei-chan-senpai" He let out a weak chuckle and nodded into Natsuki's shoulder as the blond spoke gently with his arms tightening around him a little and a soft smile in his voice. "You're okay." He slowly inhaled and exhaled with a few sobs in between and tightened his hold on Natsuki, closing his eyes and relishing in their warmth and imperfect yet consoling silence. He was afraid but not alone. He was shaken and broken but glowing and alive. The dream was cold but his heart was warm. Those reminders echoed inside his head as he pieced himself together and he kept them close, for their now and their always. After a few more minutes passed by, he slowly pulled away, but at the same time, took Natsuki's hands into his. Looking straight into Natsuki's green eyes, with his cheeks wet with tears that had turned cold, Reiji smiled gently and squeezed his hands tightly.

"This isn't... my mind playing tricks on me... right?" Reiji believed Natsuki with all his heart, but what he could not help but have doubts and fears at these times... was how blessed he was in reality, especially right after such turmoil. "You and Ai-Ai and Ran-Ran and Myu-chan are right here, right? You and Ai-Ai..."

The images of the wave engulfing his two closest friends alive pierced through his head and a lump was stuck in his throat.

"You guys... didn't disappear into the water... right...?"

"Never, Rei-chan-senpai." Natsuki shook his head and intertwined his fingers with Reiji's before giving his hands a tight squeeze in return. His green eyes glimmered with a soft, sincere smile. "We didn't disappear. We didn't leave you, I promise." Natsuki's voice trembled a little as sadness filled his eyes. "We love you, Rei-chan-senpai. We always will."

"Thank you," Reiji barely managed to utter as warm tears trickled down his cheeks and his lips curved into a weak but earnest smile, tightening his hold on Natsuki's hands a little. "Thank you... for loving me... for meaning every word." He let out a shaky breath. "Sorry... I woke you up and gave you such a fright."

"You don't have to say sorry for any of that," Natsuki assured Reiji with a gentle smile, shaking his head slightly. "I'm happy as long as you are - you deserve all the love, warmth and joy, Rei-chan-senpai." Reiji couldn't help but smile at the blond's unchanging earnestness - something that Reiji knew and hoped would never change. "How about I brew us some decaf green tea for us? It'll help us relax and go back to sleep."

"But you must be really tired, Nattsun," Reiji protested, shaking his head guiltily, "especially since I woke you up due to my-"

"You're much, much more important than me feeling tired, Rei-chan-senpai," Natsuki interrupted, smiling warmly as he pulled Reiji into another tight hug. "If you want, you can talk about what happened in your sleep while I brew the tea and we drink it together. Anything you want, I'll do it for you. Don't worry about me feeling tired; I'll be okay! And besides, we get to spend more time with each other!"

Reiji laughed as he hugged Natsuki back. "Technically, we do spend time with each other even when we are asleep; we sleep on the same bed, Nattsun!"

Natsuki chuckled. "You know what I mean, Rei-chan-senpai."

"Hmm... do I?"

"Rei-chan-senpai!"

They ended up laughing together, and that was more laughter than during all of the sleepless nights before taking Natsuki in combined. But when they broke the hug, Reiji suddenly felt a sense of emptiness, the warmth of Natsuki's arms pulled away. He knew that it sounded kind of childish - although Camus, Ranmaru and Ai often made remarks on how he needed to act more like his age - but somehow the thought that Natsuki would go to the kitchen and leave him alone in the bedroom made him rather scared. Just as he contemplated asking the younger blond if he could tag along to go to the kitchen, a hand gently took ahold of his right one and his eyes widened.

"I know you're still shaken by what happened and I won't let you suffer through it alone."

Natsuki looked directly into Reiji's eyes and squeezed it reassuringly.

"So let's go together, Rei-chan-senpai."

His heart swelling with warmth and gratitude, Reiji beamed and curled his fingers around Natsuki's own and nodded enthusiastically. And they pulled themselves off the bed and Natsuki led him out of their shared bedroom and into the commonplace of the apartment. The lights were all switched off, with the exception of one dimly-glowing fluorescent lamp without which the entire area would have been in utter darkness. As they quietly made their way towards the kitchen area, Reiji turned to the living room, where Ranmaru and Ai were fast asleep. Ranmaru was sprawled across the entire length of the red sofa, snoring soundly, his quilt messily covering only his legs. Glancing at each other, Natsuki and Reiji approached the red sofa and carefully adjusted the quilt so that it covered more of their close friend's body and he did not end up catching a cold. Once they were done, they exchanged small smiles and faced the occupant of the brown sofa.

_Ai-Ai._

Ai's space was much neater than Ranmaru's. With his head rested on a fluffy white pillow, Ai's body was tucked comfortably into his lilac quilt and his arms were loosely wrapped around his penguin plushie from Natsuki. Facing the backrest of the sofa, Ai held an expression of pure innocence and serenity, something that Reiji found extremely precious, his teal eyes closed and a hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his pale lips. Out of the corner of his eye, Reiji saw the youngest QUARTET NIGHT member's tablet and laptop on the glass table, sitting beside a teapot and cup, and the images of Ai overworking himself in his dream, his teal eyes staring at the empty word document on his tablet with a near-traumatized expression, flashed inside his head like a glint on a broken mirror. 

And it formed a crack on his heart like ice splitting apart.

"I think now I know... where my nightmare came from."

He confessed in a near-mutter as he walked towards Ai and felt Natsuki beside him.

"Stress, pressure, the feeling of being trapped and having nowhere else to go, the feeling of being bound by expectations of yourself, whether they originate from your own heart or the people around you... It's like standing under a spotlight that you want nothing more than to leave and yet all around you is darkness that you will be blinded by. And with those emotions burdening you, you force yourself, overwork yourself, even when your heart is burning and aching, even when your body is begging you to stop, even as the tears spill... Forcing yourself is equivalent to an idol who, trapped under the glares of the blinding light, sings even as their throat burns, pushing to reach the highest of notes... and their worst possible aftermath..."

He clenched his fists as his voice wavered.

"... is them losing their voice forever."

 _Aine hasn't been living for years_ , was what Reiji did not say aloud, but he knew that there was no need - both he and Natsuki knew. _He has a beating heart, but he is not seeing, hearing or speaking like we all are. I cannot hear his voice or meet his eyes. He was broken under pressure and stress of being an idol and now..._

Ai remained sleeping soundly, but they knew that his emotions were not nearly as serene.

_Now I'm watching another person dear to me suffer through that... again._

The feeling of losing someone dear to anything, including society's cruel expectations or pushing one's self beyond their limits out of fear and desperation... it had always terrified Reiji and had been one of the main reasons he was afraid of being "too happy". To be extremely honest, every single person living in this apartment was guilty of overworking themselves at least once. A couple of years ago, Camus had once been light-headed during a concert and yet masked it as he performed and only admitted his condition, albeit begrudgingly, when Ranmaru pointed out his oddly-sluggish movements and stumbling. A year ago, back in the Master Course, Natsuki had gotten up especially early to practise his dance moves for STARISH's upcoming live, afraid that he was not up to par with everyone else and hurt by fans calling him the weakest out of the group, and Ai had found him unconscious in the practice room with a high fever and shallow breathing. A few months ago, Ranmaru thought he had to give up on rock to strengthen QUARTET NIGHT and pushed himself to dance, sing and train to get over the music genre. Throughout countless sleepless nights before taking in Natsuki, Reiji had drowned himself in idol work in hopes of killing time until the sun rose or his exhausted heart screamed for him to stop and upon the start of a new day, concealed his eye bags with thicker foundation. They had all suffered, hurt themselves by pushing themselves over the line, and now... even the calmest and most logic-driven of the five of them...

_"Something is hurting when it should not be this painful."_

... he was suffering the same way, the exact same way, and this... this was how the nightmare came to life in the first place - the constant fear of Ai shutting down because of this pain tormenting Reiji throughout the past few days.

"I don't want him... to lose his voice, Nattsun."

His body trembled.

"His voice, his joy, his everything... I don't want him to lose any of that... Never..."

_I don't want him to be lost at sea, with the cold waves threatening to take him away._

"Ai-chan has always looked after us."

Reiji slowly faced Natsuki, whose green eyes were lowered to the sleeping boy and tight with pain, a weak smile twisted by his lips.

"He's always been one of the first people to notice if something is wrong and act on it for all of our sakes. He has always cared for us since Day 1, and he didn't need words to prove it. Recommending medication, telling us to rest and making sure we did, never pushing us when things were too much to handle... He'll always be one of the kindest people I know and love... and it hurts... seeing him in so much pain and choosing to bear it alone."

Natsuki turned to Reiji and took ahold of his shoulder.

"Rei-chan-senpai, I know that we all agreed to work on the script for the next part of our main unit project for most of Sunday, but... is it okay if we spare a few hours to take Ai-chan to the flower meadows to relax? And we can bring Myu-chan-senpai and Maru-chan-senpai too if they want to come. Ai-chan loves the meadows and it was where he first believed us when we told him he was warm and kind and maybe... it would heal him on the inside and that means everything. I'm sorry I am only saying this now and did not think of it earlier, but-"

"That's a wonderful idea, Nattsun."

Reiji gave Natsuki a gentle smile, placing a hand on top of the blond's on his shoulder.

"Of course it's okay with me - it's more than okay. While we have our tea, let's text Ran-Ran, Myu-chan and Ai-Ai in the group chat and see what they have to say. Ai-Ai will probably insist on focusing on the script, but I'm positive that the other two will agree with us on this."

Reiji looked down at Ai and with his free hand, softly neatened the blanket as his smile softened.

"It'll take at least a bit of pain away. It has to."

Ai Mikaze

_Just like the howling of the wind that longed to be listened to, the sleep of an android such as myself is hollow. Androids do not dream. Androids do not have the luxury of smiling in bright dreams or the possibility of suffering through cold nightmares. Unlike how the wind seems effortlessly soaring towards any direction they wish to, I am made up of mechanisms and programs that gives me liberty and yet restricts me simultaneously as ironic as it sounds and is. I am made of wires and metals rather than arteries, veins and blood vessels, even as I bear the appearance of a specie that I can never be. And unlike any human being, I have a battery percentage as a measurement of energy, just like any electronic device used to fulfil purposes that they never have a say in choosing._

_The question is... why am I contemplating all of this now?_

Ai concealed the thoughts behind a blank face as he stared up at the cloudy sky beyond the countless treetops.

_Why... when this has always been my permanent nature and fate ever since I was created?_

"So who's up first on this roller coaster that is our script?"

"How about the scene where Ai-Ai and Myu-chan have their private conversation about the coldness of a heart?" Reiji suggested, looking down at his cellphone. "That's one of the parts that we aren't sure of the most and I think it'd help fill in what's missing if we watch it unfold ourselves."

"With where we are being the same place the events take place, it'll give a clearer picture of what it'll look like if we film it for real," Natsuki agreed with a bright smile as Ai and Ranmaru nodded in agreement. "That's one of the reasons why we came here in the first place too, right?"

"Couldn't have said it better, Nattsun!"

"Very well," Camus spoke, crossing his arms His ice-blue eyes shifted over to Ai. "Shall we, Mikaze?"

Ai nodded briefly. "Yes, Camus."

The scene took place in the same forest where the five of them frequented and had filmed the first three videos of their main unit project, and it was precisely where they were now. Reiji was the one who had suggested working on the script outside for a change in atmosphere instead of "always being cooped up in the living room," during breakfast. And that was not all that had been discussed during breakfast. At 2:34 a.m. of the previous night, Natsuki and Reiji had texted the group asking if they could all go to the flower meadows and spend a few hours there today, and Ai knew they were doing this for him. Ai had said that he was fine and did not mind working on the script for the entirety of the day, but he was outvoted by everyone else, which he was not surprised by and was not actually unhappy about. He knew that they were aware of his pain. He knew that they wanted to help even if he did not allow them to see his typed-up thoughts just yet. Getting up from the tree stump that he was sitting on, Ai walked towards the the centre of the area, the wind howling softly, a lullaby that gave no answers or emotions. But even with his pessimistic outlook, he could not help but be slightly envious of how much liberty it still had.

_These thoughts that I never expected myself to have... They are occurring more and more frequently, amplifying a pain that I myself do not fully comprehend... But if I allow myself to wallow in them when I need to focus, I will not be able to convey the emotions required in this scene._

Ai glanced down at the script in his cellphone before putting the gadget into his pocket and facing Camus, who was adjusted the collar of his white shirt.

_I want to be able to convey like they all do... as freely as they can, like how the wind carries the pleasant yet unfathomable scent of petrichor after the rainfall even if the scent carried along eventually fades away._

"I'll do the countdown!"

Standing between Natsuki and Ranmaru under a red-leafed tree, Reiji held out three fingers with a determined look in his eyes.

"3... 2... 1!"

"Mikaze, if you do not mind, I have a question that I would appreciate you taking your time to answer."

Camus stared off into the woods, an unreadable expression shrouding his face.

"Is a frozen heart equivalent to a hollow chest? Whether your answer is a yes or no, I would like to hear out your reasoning."

"A frozen heart..." Ai repeated in a barely-audible whisper, staring at Camus who did not face him. It was the two of them who had come up with this scene in the first place. While listing down ideas for each of their characters, Ai had analyzed his own struggles when it came to emotions and his contemplation had led to those two things: a chest without a heart and a heart that was frozen. Camus had suggested that Ai's idea could be implemented to the conversation between their characters, who were the most seemingly-cold of the group. "A hollow chest..." Ai allowed the wind to carry those words into the distant sky and paused, remembering that his character was contemplating his answer. And if he were being entirely honest, his own self was doing so too. 

_Even if they are not considered the same..._

As he counted the seconds until which he was to speak again, Ai could not help the sadness seeping into his hollow chest as the thoughts echoed.

_... what is the purpose of a heart that cannot feel or emit warmth?_

"I... I wish I could give you a better answer, Camus, but this is all I can say."

Ai gently placed a hand over the centre of his chest.

"A hollow chest does not feel a thing, whereas a frozen heart..."

_Which I do not have._

"It..."

_The equivalent to a mind that can never wish to dream._

"It is numbed-"

_That may never convey what it does not comprehend._

"- to the point that it fails to feel what it could have, and even I-"

He was suddenly cut off by a wave of coldness overtaking his entire body, halting all his movements. His eyes widened as something was seared in his chest, something hot and burning, like he was being burned alive, and he clutched it even tighter as he flinched. Was he malfunctioning? Why was he hot and cold simultaneously? This was- The pain amplified like the broken note of a piercing violin and out of nowhere, blurs, percentages and numbers all overshadowed his head, flashing, blinking and disappearing all at once, a feral spiral of unfathomable madness along with the thoughts that had been overwhelming him throughout the past few days with a blank word document on his tablet and laptop screen.

"Ai-Ai, what's going on? Ai-Ai!"

"Ai-chan!"

"Ai!"

His body suddenly slumped forward and he was caught by a pair of sturdy arms. Camus. A cold hand was placed on top of his forehead and he could hear Reiji say something among the lines of "overheating" and "fever" and Natsuki and Ranmaru talking with worried voices. Just as Ai strained to recollect himself, images flooded through his head like a kaleidoscope of white-winged butterflies and a sharp pain lanced through his chest like a knife. The boy that he shared a physical appearance with was staring out at the sea with a content expression on his face. No; what _appeared_ to be content but was straining to push past hidden sadness. Aine Kisaragi. And he was joined by a brunet who draped an arm across his shoulders with a sincere smile, whom Aine smiled at even though his heart was not truly smiling. Reiji.

Aine. Reiji.

_Constraints... something that everyone has, regardless of their nature..._

His mind blurred over like his vision as he barely managed to hang onto his close friends' voices, his entire body tortured with agony that felt like burns. The agony rippled throughout him like waves from which what things had been meant to carry had drowned away; things such as petrichor, a scent originating from a moment of falling, visible sadness with an existence that was short-lived, ephemeral, carried by the wind and waves that could not hold onto it forever...

His hollow chest itself, a cavern that could have contained a frozen heart if his nature was not an android, was burning.

... with the idea that even the deepest wishes were often just... simply not meant to be.

_I did not want this... to constrain me... did I... not...? As ridiculous and impossible as it sounds..._

As his eyes fell to a close, something warm flowed down his cheek.

_... even a frozen heart... was not what I wanted._

_"I'd felt as if there was always pieces missing_

_Where are the fragments of my heart?"_

\- "Innocent Wind" by Ai Mikaze (Shouta Aoi)


	36. Innocent Wind

Natsuki Shinomiya

_It's raining._

As the raindrops slipped and fell near inaudibly on the other side of the window, Natsuki lowered his eyes to the glass table of the living room, his fingers tightening around his teacup ever so slightly.

_It was raining too back then, back when Syo-chan and I first found out that Ai-chan... wasn't a human being._

"Isn't that... Ai-chan...?"

"Yeah and what the actual- Ai, what on earth are you _doing_?"

Syo yelled out in anger and he and Natsuki ran towards their assigned mentor, his blue eyes blazing like his raised voice.

"You'll catch a cold out here! What are you freaking thinking?"

Natsuki and Syo had just gotten back to Shining's mansion after an interview with the rest of STARISH. While the others had different assignments, the two roommates were heading towards their shared dormitory to shower and proceed with their different activities for the rest of the afternoon. Natsuki wanted to practise the viola and work on his compositions at a French cafe reminiscent of his childhood while Syo was eager to skim through the new fashion magazines that he had purchased. They had been passing the courtyard when they were stunned by the sight of their young, teal-haired senior standing at the centre of the heavy downpour without an umbrella to protect him. And it had taken a few moments for Syo to recover from his shock and his face to redden with anger before breaking into a run towards Ai, with Natsuki, who got more and more worried by the second, right behind him.

"Ai-chan!" Natsuki called out.

However, even though Syo's voice was loud and booming and Natsuki was calling out to him, Ai gave no sign that he had heard either of them. He remained where he was, standing still in the middle of the viridescent courtyard, staring up at the near lifeless sky with unreadable teal eyes. A few olive leaves were stuck to his damp hair and his clothes - a grey T-shirt, unbuttoned baby blue hoodie and white trousers - were drenched with rainwater, but he did not shiver even a little as the wind tore at his clothes and hair. Once they reached Ai, Natsuki quickly held his yellow umbrella above the teal-haired boy's head, his heart racing with worry as the young mentor remained unresponsive, his eyes still staring up.

"Ai-chan, are you okay?"

Natsuki stepped a little closer to Ai, peering at his face.

"Can you hear us, Ai-chan?"

"Oi, Ai!" Syo exclaimed, and Ai gently placed a hand over the left side of his chest even though he still did not look at either of them. With the rain falling rhythmically like an unorthodox melody, Natsuki quietly wondered what Ai was thinking inside his head, something that he never could seem to really figure out. He had listened to Ai's songs during his spare time and found deep emotions and sentimentality resonating within them like a clear voice echoing in a frozen winter's sanctuary, in a timeless garden of warmth and serenity. Ai's songs were beautiful and evoked memories and emotions inside Natsuki's heart whenever he listened to them, and he could only contemplate as to what thoughts and memories the teal-haired boy had that could create such inimitable melodies and lyrics. Ai was not called "the mysterious idol" for no reason; Natsuki had always felt that even as they grew closer to each other, he still had so much more to know and learn about Ai.

_I know that you rarely talk about yourself and even go as far to say that being alone is more efficient... but..._

Natsuki hid a sad smile as he waited for the mentor that he had grown to love and cherish as a friend to answer him and Syo, a silent wish seeping through his heart like a slow, wordless river of time and effort.

_I wish that you would let us understand you, let us reach into your heart... at least a bit more._

"I would like to know something."

Ai's eyes did not leave the sky, but he was speaking to them, even if he did not answer any of their questions, and that was a start of a clearer understanding that both Natsuki and Syo needed from him.

"How..." his voice was strangely quieter than normal, "... does the rain amplify sadness?"

Syo stared as Natsuki's eyes widened in pure shock. It was something extremely out of the blue when it came to Ai. Ai was blunt and normally did not show much emotion, let alone a smile, keeping his signature poker face on regardless of the occasion. But here he was, standing under an umbrella with drenched clothes, facing a sky that did not smile at him, asking a question that neither of them ever thought he would even come up with, let alone ask aloud. As Natsuki tried to think and Syo gaped, Ai slowly turned away from the sky and looked straight at the two kouhais, his teal eyes now more contemplative rather than expressionless. And if Natsuki was not imagining things... he noticed a tinge of sadness sheening in the younger boy's eyes and traced it back to his normally-calm, placid voice and tone. And even though he did not truly understand it yet, that sadness wrenched Natsuki's heart painfully like a sorrowful falsetto that Ai could easily reach with his range of notes.

_Is something making you sad... Ai-chan?_

As Natsuki opened his mouth to speak, Ai's eyes suddenly widened ever so slightly, cracking the calm expression on his face. "Ai?" As Syo called his name, Ai stumbled forward and his body fell towards the ground. "Ai!" Reflexively dropping the umbrella, Natsuki surged forward and caught Ai in his arms before his body could thud against the ground.

"Ai-chan!"

Natsuki stared at the boy in his arms with sheer agony and terror flashing through his heart, trying to shake him awake as Ai's teal eyes remained shut tightly.

"Ai-chan! Ai-chan!"

"Ai, don't mess with our heads like this! You're freaking us out!"

As Syo panicked and yelled, Natsuki quietly placed a hand over Ai's forehead and his heart turned even more grim. "He has a fever, Syo-chan," he said quietly. Syo cursed under his breath as Natsuki pulled himself up from the ground and carried Ai in his arms, wordlessly noting how light the senior was, the heat from his forehead still lingering on his fingers. Shaking his head slightly, Natsuki turned to Syo and spoke again.

"Let's take Ai-chan back to our dorm and look after him, Syo-chan."

He smiled painfully.

"He'll wake up soon. He has to."

_He'll wake up soon. He has to._

Those had been the words that Natsuki had told Syo back then, and those exact same words were the ones seeping coldly and painfully through his head like ice-water with petals and leaves that would only fall away the more they sank in it as he sat in the living room with Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus, quietly staring at an unconscious Ai with a heartbeat of pain echoing inside his chest. Back then, on that rainy day at Shining's mansion Natsuki had thought that "waking up" when it came to Ai was simply slowly opening his eyes and waiting for his surroundings to come clearer and back to life. And he could never forget how shocked he and Syo had been when he saw in Ai's eyes a hollow, lifeless teal colour over which pulses like those that one would see on the monitors in hospitals formed, lights blinking into then out of existence, followed by a reverted state of hollowness, then finally, the true opening of eyes with their normal glow restored to them, the entire process being something that Natsuki never imagined or expected from Ai, that proved that all this time...

 _I..._ Natsuki had thought quietly as he stared at Ai, his heart filled with acute waves of sadness, _I know and understand you less... much less than I thought... don't I...?_

And now, many months later, here he was with Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru, tending to Ai who had collapsed in the forest while they were working on their script. Just mere moments after Ai lost consciousness, the rain began falling past the treetops of the forest. All of them had hurried to the car with Natsuki and Ranmaru carrying their unconscious friend, and Reiji had driven everyone back to the apartment at a speed that was on the verge of exceeding the speed limit. Even though they normally would have, Ranmaru and Camus did not call him out for it, with all four of them sharing the exact same worry. Upon reaching the apartment, they all tended to and tucked Ai into his bed and Natsuki fixed lavender tea for everyone and kept Ai's in a purple thermos for him to drink later. Wordlessly setting his teacup down onto the glass table, Natsuki observed as Ai laid on his brown sofa that was his bed, his lilac quilt covering his length from his chest until his feet. Natsuki and Reiji had changed his clothes into more comfortable and dry ones after bathing him while Camus and Ranmaru had prepared the thermometer, ice pack and bed space. So wearing a loose lilac T-shirt and white sleeping trousers, Ai was nearly motionless as his eyes remained closed, an ice pack placed over his forehead, serenity clouding over his angelic face that would have made them think he was fast asleep if they did not know better.

_A serenity behind which uncertainty and pain laid._

Natsuki hid a sorrowful smile, his heart cracked with a quiet wish that Ai would be okay soon.

_An innocence intertwined with sorrow, with pain and sadness._

"It's been nearly two hours since we let him lay down like this."

Slumped against the wall, Ranmaru gritted his teeth, but not in anger.

"Whatever's been goin' on in his head, it's really put a toll on him. When he wakes up - and he'd better wake up real soon - I'm not settlin' without any answers."

"Mikaze said that in circumstances such as these, when he overheats, he should regain consciousness in no more than 24 hours, even though a few hours normally suffice," Camus commented after taking a sip from his teacup, his tone heavy with graveness. "Nevertheless, his internal struggles have truly caught up to him to the point that it is atrociously clear to even an oblivious man." His ice-blue eyes were frowning. "As much as I would hate to coerce him to speak with us, internalizing it on his own has clearly deteriorated his strength."

"Ugh!" Ranmaru clenched his fists, his teeth gritted even tighter now. "What's goin' on in there, Ai?"

He slammed a fist against the surface of the red sofa, his heterochromatic eyes tight with frustration that barely concealed genuine hurt as Camus let out a quiet sigh that was not directed at Ranmaru as much as it was wordlessly empathetic. His heart squeezing even tighter in his chest, Natsuki turned to Reiji, who was sitting next to him, only to find the brunet's head hung in utter silence. Although he was normally one of the most outspoken and talkative out of all five of them, not a single syllable had come from him ever since this conversation began. Natsuki was completely aware that it had just been last night when Reiji had broken down from a nightmare where he lost Ai and Natsuki in the sea, and he could understand how much Ai's collapse was severely affecting Reiji right now, breaking him little by little on the inside as time quietly trickled by. Silently, Natsuki scooted closer towards Reiji and wrapped an arm around his back, pulling him into a half-hug.

_"You guys... didn't disappear into the water... right...?"_

As Reiji soundlessly leaned a little towards Natsuki, he took ahold of the younger blond's hand and squeezed it tightly like he had that night, his grey eyes glimmering with a whirlwind emotions that were all related to one sole emotion: hurt. And as strange and painful as it was, it was then when Natsuki realized how similar those words were to those that had slipped through his head the day Ai collapsed, to _He'll wake up soon. He has to._ Both threads of words and emotions had reassuring truths in them: Natsuki and Ai did not disappear into the water, for it had only been a broken dream; and Ai would wake up soon, for a fever was not severe to the point that it would take days for one to awaken from passing out because of it. But at the same time, both threads of words and emotions... they had their respective fears that laid with the question "What if I am wrong?" What if they really disappeared? What if he had yet to wake up when tomorrow came? An acute fear towards a reality that they did not want to see unravel before their very eyes and hearts, a lingering doubt in a truth so hopeful that was terrifying to believe... because it would shatter them if it turned out to be untrue.

_We love you, Ai-chan. We all do... so, so dearly, so, so much..._

An image of Ai staring down at his tablet with sadness filling his teal eyes flickered inside Natsuki's head like a broken lamp, like a butterfly lost from its kaleidoscope.

_That's why right now, just like back then, just like always, we all wish that we can understand you better, that you'd let us, even just a bit more._

"Before you guys came to the forest, Ai-chan was working on his solo song."

Natsuki lowered his eyes to the tablet laying on the glass table, the tablet that Ranmaru had nearly crushed out of sheer anger only to be stopped by the rest of them.

"He had typed out his thoughts, but he didn't think that he made much progress and had not decided on a theme that he was sure of choosing. I offered to try and help and he... he said that he didn't think what he had typed was ready for me to see, not yet, that he needed to understand it better himself first. He did cheer up after that, even laughing a little, but even though I don't really think of it that way too much because of how painful it is..."

Natsuki's voice softened as hurt laced through his heartbeat.

"... Ai-chan doesn't have much confidence when it comes to emotions and... that makes him really sad and hurts him so much."

"Nattsun..."

An agonized expression in the brunet's eyes, Natsuki felt Reiji squeeze his hand tightly as the sorrowful memories resonated in his head like the heart-wrenching songs that their best friend had sung countless of times, slowly yet suddenly understanding more and more about what was going on as the pieces came together like stars broken away from their constellations.

"The day Syo-chan and I first found out his true nature," Natsuki continued, "he asked how the rain amplifies sadness and there was sadness in his eyes and voice, a sadness that he did not admit he had. And that sadness came again when he asked me what it meant to be moved and said that he didn't really understand the concept of human emotions. He didn't believe it when Rei-chan-senpai and I said that he was kind, warm and caring, not at first, even though he's always, always been."

Ranmaru lowered his eyes, pain flashing across his face. But he did not say a word.

"One of the many things that I admire about Ai-chan is how much strength and confidence he has, but at the same time, even though I didn't understand it at first, I know that... he has doubts in what he and the people around him feel, in what he can truly convey as his own person, and the thought that he is making mistakes when it comes to this, unable to understand what it means to feel or laugh or cry... it must be hurting him more than any of us can imagine. That's probably why he didn't want to talk to us about his pain yet."

Camus closed his eyes.

"He wanted to believe that he could understand a bit more than what he thought wasn't enough, because in that sense... he wanted to believe he was a little more just like us. But..."

A sorrowful smile twisted through Natsuki's lips.

"I wish he understood that he's already shining with emotion as his own person, as one of us, and believe it."

The room fell into a deep silence, heavy with everyone's emotions and unspoken thoughts. Across the glass table, Ai remained nearly still on the sofa, still showing no signs of waking up soon. And on the other side of the glass windows, the rain continued to descend down the sky like the tears that Ai believed would never fall from his eyes. Slowly, Natsuki pulled himself up from the sofa, with Reiji following him, and silently walked over to the other side of the living room where Camus, Ai and Ranmaru were. He crouched down by Ai's side and placed a hand over his forehead, quietly noticing the heat that his fingers made contact with.

_It's not so much that it's the rain that amplifies sadness as much as how much they resemble cold tears that does_ _, as the way we see them reflected in our hearts._

Smiling weakly, he gently pushed away a few strands of his teal hair from his forehead and tucked them behind his cold ears before letting his hand curl gently around the teal-haired boy's shoulder.

_I'm sorry... that I couldn't realize that answer then, Ai-chan._

"The first time Myu-chan, Ran-Ran and I saw Ai-Ai collapse, it had been about emotions too."

Reiji's voice was soft. He was standing next to Natsuki, his hand resting on the latter's shoulder, sadness glimmering in his eyes.

"A few years back. He was trying to understand the meaning of the words 'You gave me the world'. He was looking at it from a logical and literal perspective, questioning the vagueness and lack of logic and possibility in that one line, and he didn't understand it no matter how hard he tried to."

"When it comes to emotions, he often pushes himself past his limits," Ranmaru added, his eyes tight with concern. "He overworks himself without any breaks in between and ends up overheating and in the worst case scenario, collapsing right before our eyes. And to make matters worse, the questions still remained whirling 'round his head right after he wakes up. He'd asked us straight what that line meant back then and as much as we wanted to give him an answer that was enough..."

"What we had come up with as a collective whole was not near adequate," Camus finished, his ice-blue eyes hard as Ranmaru clenched his teeth, "for even we found it quite difficult to explain the sentimental imagery behind that line without it sounding excessively saccharine or embroidered to Mikaze, a young man grounded by logic and facts."

"I couldn't give him an answer that could make him smile on the inside either." Natsuki lowered his eyes, his friends' agony echoing with his own. "Not back then, not even when he was staring at Syo-chan and me with sadness in his eyes. But..."

He looked up and faced Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus, an idea morphing itself in his head like a gathering of pieces of light.

"Today... can we give him the world?"

Ai Mikaze

_A dream..._

Ai blinked slowly, uncertain as to what to feel.

_I am not supposed to be able to dream. It just... it cannot be._

It was a strange sensation, if he was being honest. However, good or bad, he was uncertain. He felt light and his eyes were open, but he did not feel entirely... present. Neither did he believe he was completely focused on where he was and what he was doing. He stood under an indigo sky, in the middle of a field of countless lavenders that swayed gently in the near-silent breeze. He did not recall coming to such a fantasy-like place at any point of today, or his artificial life, for that matter. Wordlessly, he slowly took in his unnatural surroundings and scanned the area for four particular people, confusion seeping through his chest. It appeared that Natsuki, Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru were not present, and he knew that there was no way that any of them would leave him to be on his own. Although, he was quite certain that he was in their company just mere moments, perhaps even seconds, ago... So then why was he alone in this unfamiliar place and what-

As though he had accidentally said a magic word, the memories blinked into existence in his head like a million stars, and his eyes widened.

They had all been at the forest. He, Natsuki, Camus, Reiji and Ranmaru. They had been working on their script and it had led to him and Camus acting out one of their most uncertain parts and then-

_"... it fails to feel what it could have, and even I-"_

_"Ai-Ai, what's going on? Ai-Ai!"_

_"Ai-chan!"_

_"Ai!"_

A soft gasp slipped from his lips, the cold recollection vivid in his head now, and an ache blossomed in his chest like an ephemeral winter flower. His eyes widened marginally, but he soon lowered his eyes in guilt, now aware that he had slipped into unconsciousness and alarmed everyone. If he had alarmed and scared all of them, worrying them the longer it took for him to open his eyes again, then why... was he here? Why was he wandering in a place created in his own head, a dream that an android such as himself was not supposed to be capable of having? Quiet yet painful emotions that he identified as "sadness" slipped through the crevices of his chest like the waves of a cold sea and he softly placed a hand over the left side of his chest, confusion and uncertainty beating through his mind like a heart. A heart that was not frozen and that...

His thoughts from earlier flowed through his head like a nonchalant breeze and he smiled weakly.

... that he could never have, even though now he understood... that it was what he wanted all along, all that he wanted.

"Ai-Ai."

His eyes widened ever so slightly at the gentle, normally-cheerful voice. _Reiji?_ Ai turned around and surprise crossed his chest like the gale of wind that brushed past his loose, unbuttoned lilac hoodie. Reiji was not the only one there. Standing just a few metres away from Ai were Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus, all four of them in one row in that exact aforementioned order. Their eyes were all directly on him, filled with seriousness and understanding that Ai had a feeling was towards how he was feeling at the moment. But this dream... what were they all doing here? Why were they here? And that understanding in their eyes, the kindness of it... how could they have that?

As Ai stared at all four of his friends, he could sense emotions - warm, tender and near overwhelming - rising in his chest despite all the uncertainty and sadness shrouding them.

_How could you understand... when I have been attempting to figure this matter out alone...?_

"Guys," Ai began, speaking in a calm tone, "what are you-"

"You don't have to say a word, Ai-chan."

Natsuki gave him a warm smile as he extended a hand towards Ai, his green eyes illumined with tenderness.

"Just come over here and take our hands. We'll hold you all the way."

"Natsuki, I don't understand-"

"You don't have to, Ai," Ranmaru cut in, his lips parting to form a grin as he crossed his arms and tilted his head to the right. "And even though you don't get it now, you will eventually. 'Cause we'll more than make up for it as your guides. You got that?"

"I will concede that this scenery is not an unpleasant sight," Camus remarked, his ice-blue eyes not as cold as usual, "but this is not the right place for you to be at the moment, yes?" He offered a small smile. "Under another sky, the place that you need to depart to is awaiting you. So come, without another moment of hesitation, and let us depart."

Ai stared at them. "But I-"

"Please... believe, Ai-Ai."

Reiji extended his hand towards Ai as well, his grey eyes softening with something akin to sadness.

"Not only in us, but yourself as well. For all of us, but most importantly, your own self." He paused for a moment before allowing his lips to ease into a gentle smile. "So let's go, Ai-Ai. All five of us, to a place just for us."

_"In the forest just for us, where our hearts touch one another's, we share our memories and hold them dearly."_

The words that had been written as a tagline for the video of Natsuki, Reiji and Ai's sub-unit video reverberated inside his head and Ai gave his four precious friends a quiet smile that he was unsure was one that leaned more towards happiness or sorrow. But they were right. As much as the indigo sky between the sunset and dusk was exceedingly beautiful... he had to go. They were all waiting for him, even if he did not understand all that he wished he could, even if his wishes were those that could never be. So with a slight but sincere nod, he sprinted towards them and reached out for Natsuki and Reiji's hands.

_It will never be. It just... will never be._

The moment he took their hands and felt their warmth intertwine with his fingers, Ai felt a warm moisture building up behind his eyes and somehow there was a lump formed in his throat.

 _But if I try and say it is "enough"_... _will the sadness fade away?_

As he was greeted by sincere smiles from all four of them, everything slowly faded into light.

_I can't sincerely say a resolute "yes"... can I?_

He closed his eyes and felt something liquid rolling down his cheek. Something unfamiliar. Something that resembled rain but was warm. But maybe it was merely part of the dream that he still found bizarre that he even had. Maybe it was an imagination derived from wishes that he could not grant. The fingers intertwined with his own were gone and so were their warmth. But soon he found himself facing codes, numbers and percentages, the restarting of his system. And the difference, in contrast to other times, was that instead of only seeing mere segments of data, he saw a memory of himself smiling faintly while sitting under an autumn tree with Natsuki, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus, relishing in their company and the serene atmosphere of the forest. As he felt a smile in his chest, the system finished their maintenance and his vision went black again, like it had the previous times he had fallen unconscious.

Slowly, he allowed himself to open his eyes and blinked at the obscure sight before him. That did not help much. He blinked two more times and found himself facing the fluorescent lamps of a bright ceiling. His head did not have any problems and was laying on something soft - a pillow - but his focus was not nearly as much as it normally was. He could hear movement around him, but he had yet to identify exactly where he was. That was when a hand gave his left one a gentle squeeze and his eyes widened slightly. Slowly, he shifted his head to the left and saw Natsuki and Reiji by his side, both of them giving him an earnest smile.

"N... Natsuki...?" Ai uttered softly, blinking again. "Reiji...?"

Natsuki's gaze turned warmer as he gave Ai's hand another gentle squeeze.

"We're so glad you're awake, Ai-chan."

"Yep," Reiji agreed, carding his fingers through Ai's teal hair with a soft smile. "You really scared us all back there. You can't begin to imagine how glad and relieved that you're finally looking at us with eyes wide open again." His eyes glimmered with remnants of worry. "It took much longer for you to do so than the past few times you overheated."

Ai widened his eyes marginally. "What...? How long was I-"

"About twelve hours."

As he pulled himself up into sitting position with the help of Reiji and Natsuki, Ai tilted his head up to face Ranmaru, who stood by the opposite end of the brown sofa with his arms folded and a deep frown in his heterochromatic eyes. Ai stared at him in mild shock.

"Twelve-"

"It is close to 9 p.m, Mikaze." Camus sat directly across from him on the other sofa, his fingers holding onto a teacup. His eyes were narrowed as he spoke in a calm voice. "As much as we were all aware that you told us that there was no necessity to take you to Hakise's laboratory in such circumstances, the much increased amount of time that it was taking for you to regain consciousness was extremely perturbing, so halfway through the ordeal, we agreed to take you to him if you did not reawaken by the time daylight came tomorrow."

"Thank God you've woken up, though," Ranmaru added, heaving out a sigh, and Camus, Reiji and Natsuki all nodded in unanimous agreement. "We all really would have dragged you over to the lab if that was what it took to get ya to open your eyes. No exaggeration there."

"I know," Ai responded, nodding briefly, "but there is no necessity for that at the moment. My system is perfectly fine and there has been no error detected. There is nothing that Hakise needs to check up on, guys."

"As much as we believe that, we know that you are certainly _not_ fine in an entirely different aspect," Camus bluntly stated and Ai's eyes widened a little. The platinum blond narrowed his eyes even more. "You know exactly what I am referring to, Mikaze."

"Are you really feeling okay, Ai-Ai?" Reiji asked softly, wounding an arm around Ai.

Ai lowered his eyes. He knew that all four of them - Ranmaru, Camus, Reiji and Natsuki - were anything but angry at him. He could sense the palpable, acute emotions radiating from each of them all at once, whether they were speaking or not, from their words, their voices, the looks in their eyes and their body language. Worry. Agony. Concern. Sadness. All of them caused by him. All because he had collapsed without warning when all that they had been trying to do was look after him. All because he had scared them and woken up so late to the point that they had considered taking up the idea of bringing him to Hakise even though he had told them that there was no need for it.

A tremor of emotions wavered through his chest like a firefly in the dark.

All because... he had coerced himself in a vain attempt to fathom and convey what he would never be able to nearly as much and well as all of them could.

"Ai-chan..."

Ai felt a hand take his and squeeze it softly and slowly faced Natsuki, whose green eyes were flooded with sorrow behind his black-framed glasses.

"You look so sad... just like you have for the past few days." His lips offered a weak smile. "Seeing you like this makes us all sad too... We want you to smile not only on the outside, but inside of you too."

Ai shook his head slightly. "Natsuki-"

"Nattsun's right, Ai-Ai."

Letting a hand run up and down Ai's back consolingly, Reiji looked at him with a pained smile.

"Look... we know that you've just woken up and may need to take some time to gather your thoughts. And that you might not be 100% ready to talk about this. But... can you at least hear us all out? Can you listen to what all of us have to say?"

Ai was quite astonished by Reiji's sudden proposition. Looking around the living room area, Ai saw that Natsuki, Camus and Ranmaru were all directly looking at him as well with the exact same unwavering, serious and earnest expression on their faces, patiently waiting for him to answer. He had worried all four of them and yet they were still being as understanding and empathetic as always, not at all coercing him for any explanations and instead, even going as far to request that they spoke what was on their minds first. Seeing no reason to refuse their kindness, Ai glanced around and gave them a brief nod. "Okay." The four of them then exchanged looks with one another before facing him again, with a grunt from Ranmaru and a slight nod from the other three.

After a moment of passing silence, letting out another heavy sigh, Ranmaru spoke first.

"As you probably have already guessed, twelve hours is quite the chunk of time to have a much needed talk about what has been freaking going on for the past few days. About how and when this all began and how it ended up crashing down into flames. About you."

Ai nodded wordlessly as he listened to Ranmaru proceed with an even voice.

"We all know that we don't know the whole story yet - none of us do. Maybe what we know ain't even close to knowing everythin'. But from what we all gathered, including from our time with ya from before, we can say for sure that we know as much as this."

The silver-haired bassist looked Ai directly in the eye with emotions smouldering in his heterochromatic ones that were intense yet softer than usual.

"You've been strugglin' to believe in yourself when it comes to emotions, haven't you, Ai? And it's been takin' a toll on ya to the point that it's been hurtin' ya deeply, and you've been tryin' to deal with it on your own to the point that..." he clenched his fists, "we are where we are now."

Ai's eyes widened at how bluntly accurate Ranmaru's words were. Inside his artificial chest, emotions were starting to quiver like a leaf in the rain that continued to cascade down the jet-black sky outside the cold glass windows. "Ranmaru-"

"We are all very much aware that you internally struggle with your comprehension of emotions."

Camus interrupted him, his voice somehow understanding and simultaneously grave as he carefully poured what Ai recognized as lavender tea from a purple thermos into a teacup.

"As confident and certain as you are in countless different fields, including idol work, technical research and calculations, it is jarringly clear to us that you believe that you have a severe paucity in the comprehension of human emotions as well as your capability to feel them as much as the rest of us do - now more than you ever have, especially since you have grown to be exposed to an even greater magnitude and intensity of emotions. And the knowledge that you are not an actual human being has been discouraging, thus straining, you, has it not?"

Camus gently pushed the teacup across the glass table closer to him and looked straight at him with the exact same graveness and concern that his voice held as Ai took the teacup with his right hand.

"As much as I did, in fact, warn you about coercing yourself just less than a week ago, I do not blame you. Rather, in truth..." he paused for a moment, "you could say that just like Shinomiya, Kurosaki and Kotobuki, I feel as though I have not done an adequate job supporting you in your struggles, with mere warnings and advice being too far from sufficient."

Ai stared at Camus in utter disbelief. One of Camus' trademarks was his extreme level of pride. He almost never apologized sincerely for anything, even if he truly did commit a mistake. And it was even rarer for him to admit to failing in anything, but now he was earnestly confessing to Ai in regards to something that he, Ranmaru, Reiji and Natsuki actually had no fault in, feeling like all that he had done was not enough when that was not true at all. Looking around, Ai's eyes widened marginally when he saw that no one, not even Ranmaru, was denying Camus' words, when if anything, _Ai_ was the one at fault for coercing himself, not them. Instead, their eyes, whether lowered to the ground or still fixated on Ai, were tinged with hurt. He shook his head and wanted to disagree, but a voice stopped him.

"We all still remember the previous times you overheated, from the first times until this one."

Reiji's normally-blithe voice was much quieter with deep anguish. He placed a hand on Ai's shoulder, his grey eyes glimmering with sorrow.

"You asked yourself and the rest of us a number of questions that you were trying to find answers to. The day Nattsun found out about you being an android, you asked how the rain amplified sorrow. The first time you collapsed in front of me, Ran-Ran and Myu-chan, you wanted to understand what the sentence 'You gave me the world' meant. And there were a few more instances that came after those two first times and the four of us, we... we couldn't give you the understanding you wanted and needed then, even though we all wished we could have. Because if we could have, it would have made you smile more and given you more confidence in emotions, which we know are truly important to you."

"But that's... that's not your fault."

Ai spoke softly, shaking his head. Looking around, he could sense that they wanted to speak again, but he shook his head again, wanting and needing them to listen.

"It truly is not. Not even in the slightest. Reiji. Natsuki. Ranmaru. Camus. The issue is not inadequacy on any of your parts. Neither is it a lack of support or coherence. With all honesty, your support and kindness have brought me as far as I am now and I would have been more confused and in greater pain if the four of you were not here with me. The issue does not lie in you. The issue in hand... is me. It has always and will always be me, regardless how much time passes."

"Ai, that's not-" Ranmaru protested.

"Please let me finish," Ai cut in, effectively halting the older QUARTET NIGHT member's words. He knew very well that Ranmaru could have easily interrupted him back, but he did not, and Ai silently acknowledged and appreciated it. "I am the one who failed to understand the underlying meanings and words no matter how much all of you attempted to help. I am the one who failed to instil an adequate level of comprehension and confidence in myself regardless of how much I experienced or researched on. I am the one who has doubted my ability to feel emotions, to understand them, to have the ability to convey them properly. And the minuscule confidence that I managed to gather throughout our time together wavered when I attempted to make progress on my solo song. And so I coerced myself... not wanting to believe that I was that incapable, that in regards of emotions... I was not enough."

"Ai-Ai-"

"Don't." Ai shook his head, avoiding Reiji and everyone else's stares. The emotions were quivering even more violently in his chest, almost like they were on the edge of overflowing like a flood on the verge of shattering through a wall of glass. "Please don't deny that. Please don't deny anything that I am saying as of now. I'm not enough. I had tried to not believe that and yet as I worked on my solo song, I could not convey what I wished to properly and was even uncertain as to what exactly I wished to convey in my song, no matter how much I tried. My inabilities, my failed efforts and attempts at conveyance and self-assurance... It was constricting me, a constraint of a reality that I can never change. I did not feel like I was enough, because I was not. I am not. And to make matters even more aggravated, amidst the ordeal, I found myself wishing... for something that I could never have. Something that I lacked. Something that all of you have and I don't. I..."

His voice softened, and he could hear the unconcealed anguish in his own words.

"I want a real heart," he confessed, his voice barely audible even to himself, "not this hollow chest that can never prove the origins of its emotions, and even a frozen heart... would not have been enough for me." Something warm was building up behind his eyes as he lowered his head, too exhausted to analyze it. "I... I know that it sounds extremely selfish and ungrateful, and I will not deny that even to myself, but with how the circumstances are, with all my inadequacies that have led to this pain and sorrow, even though it is a wish that will never be, I just-"

His eyes widened when something warm slipped from his eyes, made contact with his skin and slowly trickled down his cheeks. He knew that his emotions had been on the verge of overwhelming him, seemingly about to overflow throughout his artificial chest, but this... was he really... crying...? Were these... tears? And... _why_...? He could barely feel a pair of hands gently pry the teacup from his fingers and hear the small cup being placed on the glass table when two arms pulled him closer and enveloped him, warmer than his tears, a hand gently rubbing his back.

"You can cry all you want, Ai-chan."

The warm kindness in Natsuki's quiet voice somehow only made the tears that Ai was unsure whether to let go of or hold back attempt to push their way through his eyes. "It's okay." Ai opened his mouth to speak, but was softly shushed by Reiji, whose fingers were threading themselves through the hair on Ai's scalp near delicately.

"Allow yourself at least this, Mikaze," Camus spoke, his voice lower than it was earlier. "No one has any right to say that you are unworthy, undeserving, of this."

"Let us be here, yeah?" Ai felt a hand squeeze his shoulder tightly and slowly glanced over his shoulder. He had not even heard Ranmaru or Camus approach him, but here they were. "For now, just give yourself a break and let us help ya through this, got it?"

Surrounded by his closest friends and their innocuous, earnest wishes to be by his side, Ai eventually allowed his eyes to fall to a close and encircled his arms around Natsuki, holding him as they held him. And the tears continued to slip down his cheeks quietly as Natsuki tightened his arms around him, as Reiji started to hug him from behind, as Ranmaru tousled his teal hair, as Camus' hand rested on his shoulder and the Permafrost baron murmured "It's okay, Mikaze" with everyone else saying whispers of unfaltering agreement, and Ai, at this very moment, felt deeply loved. Regardless if he had a heart or not, they accepted him and loved him for who he was, and he felt it stronger now than ever. He felt these emotions and had the sincere capability wish to feel because they were with him. He could smile with them. He could cry with them. These tears were not mere imagination, because they had truly moved him to the point that the emotions translated themselves into tears... like how the feathers carried by the wind turned into a precious melody that resounded in the souls that heard it.

It was minutes later when Natsuki slowly pulled away from Ai and looked straight into his eyes. Ai felt Reiji gently release him as Natsuki took Ai's hands into his own and his green eyes gave him a sincere smile filled with emotions that were as tender as they were warm and kind.

"You are not selfish, Ai-chan."

Natsuki intertwined his fingers with Ai's as he spoke, his voice filled with the gentle emotions reflected in his eyes.

"Neither are you ungrateful. Not even a little, Ai-chan. And you aren't not enough. Neither are you just enough. You are much, much more than enough being the wonderful, earnest Ai-chan you have always been. And even though you do not have a human heart, you do have a heart, Ai-chan. One that beats and glows with emotions that are beyond words each and every day, even if you do not realize it, and touches all your hearts. And now... we would like to show it to you."

His kind green eyes softened as his lips eased into a smile, his voice turning into a near whisper.

"Will you let us give you the world, Ai-chan?"

Ai's eyes widened marginally, knowing that the last question was not derived from a merely coincidental circumstance. He had asked about a statement correlating directly with that question quite a long time ago - 'You gave me the world' - just not to Natsuki. _How did Natsuki know?_ He turned and saw sincere smiles on Ranmaru, Camus and Reiji's faces, the latter letting out a chuckle, and he was not surprised, but not in an unpleasant way. _Not that I mind; the trust that Natsuki and I share is deeply mutual._ Letting out a soft laugh, Ai turned to Natsuki again and nodded with a slight smile, squeezing his best friend's hands a little.

"I will."

The moment those two words slipped through Ai's lips, Natsuki's green eyes brightened. Beaming, Natsuki turned to Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru, and the four of them nodded at one another before the two eldest of the five of them headed towards the kitchen area together. Tilting his head in mild confusion, Ai inquired as to what Ranmaru and Reiji were up to, but Natsuki simply laughed while wrapping his hands around Ai's shoulders and Camus let out a quiet chuckle and added a few cubes of sugar into Ai's teacup before holding it out to him.

"Drink it before it turns cold."

Looking at both Natsuki and Camus, Ai smiled, relaxing even more, and took the teacup, quietly relishing in the soothing scent of lavender, his favourite tea flavour.

"We're back, guys!"

As Ai took a small sip of the warm tea, he looked up and saw Reiji and Ranmaru appear from the kitchen doorway. Immediately, his eyes widened slightly. Reiji was carrying a medium-sized object that had been wrapped in lilac paper with small white and blue flower imprints, with a lavender ribbon holding the wrap together.. It looked somewhat like a marginally-larger version of spherical fish tank that had a larger diameter rather than height. A bright smile spread across his face, Reiji stopped walking when he was in front of him and held the object out to Ai, who tilted his head slightly. "That is... for me?" Reiji laughed as Ranmaru grinned and rested a hand on Ai's head.

"Of course, dear Ai-Ai! Why else would I be holdin' it out to you? This is a prezzie for you from all four of us!"

"Twelve hours wasn't just more than enough time to hold a serious discussion," Ranmaru remarked, ruffling Ai's hair with a grin evident in his voice. "It was plenty of time for us to rack our brains to come up with somethin' that could help you gain that confidence and strength of yours back and more." He pointed his index finger at Natsuki with a toothy grin. "The idea started from him and the process led to this end-product right here."

"Go ahead and open it, Ai-chan," Natsuki softly encouraged, giving Ai a warm smile.

Giving his friends a faint smile, Ai nodded and after setting the teacup back onto the glass table, took the present from Reiji and carefully undid the lavender ribbon wrapped around it. He could feel the weight of four pairs of eyes watching him, but he did not feel any form of pressure - rather, it made him feel all the more cherished, and that could never be an unpleasant feeling. When the ribbon came loose, he gently took apart the wrapping paper, curious as to what was inside, and the moment his eyes saw it, he felt like his breath had been taken away from him.

With utmost certainty... it was one of the most beautiful man-made objects that he had ever seen, and he almost could not believe that he was touching it with his two hands.

The spherical surface of the jar was made of transparent glass, clear and pristine, with purple, blue and white flowers and green leaves adorning the seam at the top of the jar. Written in lavender cursive letters on the side of the glass that Ai was facing was, _Always and forever belonging to our dearest Ai Mikaze_ , and it brought a slight smile to his lips - he had always been quite fond of the word "dearest". "Dearest" was an incredibly special word; it was deeply innocent in its simplicity and meaning, quietly yet resoundingly bearing a promise of unconditional love, something that, as painful as it was, not everyone truly got to cherish. Of all of the Shining Stars, the one who used the words "dear" and "dearest" was Natsuki, who even used the latter word to name one of his earliest violin compositions and with his emotions, truly composed a melody worthy of using that word. He and Reiji, from time to time, referred to their closest, dearest friends as "dear" or "dearest", and it meant deeply to Ai that the two called him that often, with each time allowing pure emotions to bloom like a flower.

Delicately, he turned the jar and smiled when he found the words "Ai-Ai", "Ai", "Ai-chan" and "Mikaze" written in the same cursive writing, representing each of the four people - Reiji, Ranmaru, Natsuki and Camus, respectively - by his side. Adding that to the list of reasons to thank all of them later, he quietly peered through its glass walls at its interiors, which earnestly adorned it with even more colour. Inside the jar laid numerous minuscule objects. There were stars that were made of stained glass, glistening with a myriad of colours such as yellow, orange, crimson, viridian, aqua, lavender, pink and indigo. Along with those stars laid small, thin rolls of multi-coloured paper and flower petals either made of paper or plastic. All those rolls of paper, stars, and petals were gently piled over one another like a basket of wonders and miracles - exquisite in not an extravagant way, but in a deeply precious and meaningful way that made the gift earnestly beautiful and special. He looked up and turned to everyone, hardly able to believe that they were giving this to him. Seeing the look on Ai's face, Reiji let out a few hearty laughs that were softer than usual.

"We wanted to get you the best present we could give you, that could truly give you the world in its own way, so believe it or not, the first few hours were filled with ideas bein' tossed around all over the place." Reiji grinned as Natsuki let out a few chuckles. Beaming, Reiji placed his hands on both Natsuki and Ai. "The base idea was from Nattsun who first suggested that we could make something sentimental, something that was you, that was the dear Ai-Ai you've always been and are to us, something that could gather all our thoughts, memories and emotions in one place. Something that could be, in its own special way, the world that we want to give you."

"And with all of us sharing our thoughts, we agreed on this present," Natsuki continued with a warm smile in his eyes. "And we immediately started working on it by making a few calls. Myu-chan-senpai pulled some strings to get help from a designer he knows to help with the glass jar's imprints and create the petals and stars. And Eli-kun came over helped us out too!"

"Eli?" Ai repeated, slightly puzzled.

"Yeah, the kid just so happened to contact Natsuki not long after we started working on this and asked if he could help," Ranmaru answered. He grinned. "And so his mom dropped him off and he gave suggestions to the design and added a lil' bit of somethin' to the gift too. That kid's got a fine eye for sentiments. He's gone back home, but he'll come and visit ya tomorrow - he was real worried about you too."

Ai smiled faintly and nodded. "I will be sure to thank him as well."

"Don't thank anyone yet." Ranmaru grinned. "You haven't even gotten to the heart of this present."

Ai blinked in confusion. "The heart?"

"You do notice those small scrolls of paper, don't you, Mikaze?" Camus inquired.

"Yes," Ai replied, nodding briefly. "And I highly doubt that they are blank."

"Yeap!" Reiji chimed in, his grey eyes brightening. "So go ahead and take one at a time and unroll 'em! Ran-Ran's right when he said that it's the heart of this prezzie." His expression softened. "Hope you like it, Ai-Ai."

Ai gave everyone a soft smile and set the glass jar onto the table before carefully dipping his right hand into it, not desiring for it to fall and shatter. He took a lavender scroll from between a few stars and neatly unravelled it. When his eyes fell upon the small words written in black ink, astonishment took over his chest and a small gasp slipped from his lips.

_"Signs of kindness:_

_1\. When Ai-chan gently sang his songs to me when I was crying_

_2\. When Ai-Ai wrapped an arm around me and asked if it comforted me_

_3\. When Ai pulled me to a petting zoo and treated me a drink after I had a rough day_

_4\. When Mikaze sat beside me in silence as accompaniment knowing that I did not wish for a conversation."_

Letting out a soft exhale that nearly faltered, Ai could feel his emotions amplify like warm waves as he rolled the azure paper, placed it on the table, and took out a red scroll from the glass jar. When he looked around at his friends before unravelling the next scroll, he saw true smiles with unspoken emotions on each of theirs and returned them with one of his own.

_"Signs of anger and/or savagery:_

_1\. Each time Ai-chan sees any of us get hurt, he does not hesitate even for a second to speak up in true earnest_

_2\. Each time someone says something mean about any of us, Ai-Ai pays 'em back with a downright savage comment with such a calm voice_

_3\. Each time he's paired with some slacker, Ai will gladly demonstrate how there's no need for knives when you own a sharp tongue like his_

_4\. Each time Mikaze narrows his eyes, it is a genuine siren of cool yet raw anger and/or disapproval. Heed it and he may spare their life. May, mind you."_

He facepalmed at what he had just read as Reiji and Ranmaru burst out laughing. He knew that all four of them were being earnest, but towards the end, the statements were making him sound like something akin to a "Grim Reaper". Not that it was an issue; if his honesty was an effective weapon towards those who rightfully deserved it, so be it. Besides, he did not find that fact problematic in the slightest and soon, a smile flitted across his lips. Then, he took out a yellow scroll, which was about happiness. It was followed by a blue one (serenity), a green one (growth) and another red one (passion), ensued by numerous more scrolls. Many of the scrolls talked about how Ai had conveyed emotions in his own way while some answered questions regarding emotions that he had asked in the past and there were a few that had words of encouragement and gratitude from all of them as well as Eli. And each and every scroll brought waves of emotions sweeping through him like soft tidal waves. At one point, he took out an aquamarine scroll, which was one of the longer scrolls, and unrolled it, and there was a question at the beginning of the piece of paper:

_"How does the rain amplify sadness?"_

Memories captured Ai's mind like flashes of yellow and white lamps, and his eyes widened slightly. _I asked this question in the past as well... and it was to-_ He turned to Natsuki, who was gazing at him with a gentle smile, clearly aware of what Ai had read. _Natsuki._ Wondering as to what Natsuki had written in regards to that question, Ai shifted his attention back to the piece of paper in his right hand and mentally read what the blond had written underneath the question:

" _It's not so much that it's the rain that amplifies sadness as much as how much they resemble cold tears that does_ _, as the way we see them reflected in us, in our hearts. The sadness you feel as you watch the raindrops fall freely only for them to sink into the ground, as you hear their sounds and yet cannot understand its melody, as the clouds cry their tears. But the warm thing about the fact that you asked this, that you felt for the rain... is that your heart is glowing with so much warm empathy, Ai-chan._

_It's your warm empathy and innocence that made you understand the rain that deeply."_

He stared at the gentle words on the paper in his hand, warm emotions starting to course within him all over again. _Natsuki..._ That was when another scroll was held out to him - a white scroll with equal length as the unravelled one that he was holding. He tilted his head up and saw Camus giving him a slight smile as Ranmaru propped an elbow on the sofa's backrest with a wide smile. "We request that you open this one next, Mikaze. You will understand why when you read its content." Reiji and Natsuki nodded with smiles on their faces and Ai agreed and took the scroll from Camus before unravelling it, revealing words written in ink that was Ai's theme colour; lavender:

_"Even when you are unsure, even when you are scared, never forget that you have your own heart. A heart that you may not be able to see or hear beats from, but has touched the hearts of others and been touched, that can smile, cry and feel like all of us do. A heart glowing with the colours and emotions that are why you are you. And it is beating quietly, knowing that it is felt, with a melody that only you are capable of piecing together. You are more than enough. You are kind, empathetic, passionate, benevolent, emotional, understanding and so much more. You are dearly loved and nothing will ever change that. We love you, Ai Mikaze. Our warm, dearest Ai Mikaze."_

_"Love you lots,_

_big bros Rei-chan, Nattsun, Ran-Ran and Myu-chan!!!"_

"Reiji!"

Ranmaru grabbed Reiji by the collar of his white shirt, his face glowing red with sheer embarrassment.

"As much as we all came up with that message together, we did _not_ agree on that 'big bros' part! And did ya just decide to throw consistency out the window? This is literally the only message that actually has our names explicitly put in it!"

"But Ran-Ran, you can't say it's a lie either! We are all older than Ai-Ai and the five of us are real tight, aren't we? He's the little brother of the group! Right, Nattsun?"

"Kotobuki, please do not drag Shinomiya into your ridiculous whims - I do not wish to see him inherit this disposable habit of yours. I will not refute the statement of us having a bond, but like Kurosaki mentioned, I certainly did not-"

"Ai-chan... you're... crying...?"

Ai did not even realize he was until Natsuki softly pointed it out. Like a light piercing through a pandemonium, Natsuki's words immediately halted the bickering from the three eldest amongst the group, and Ai could still feel a few warm tears trickle down his cheeks as Ranmaru released Reiji's collar and Camus' ice-blue eyes softened. It was still new to him; these tears. However, even though he had yet to truly be accustomed to them, he knew that these tears, unlike the ones that he had shed earlier, were not those of sorrow or sadness or anguish or the unspoken wish to be "enough" and to have a heart that he could not ever have. These tears... were those that were warm with joy, radiance, gratitude and of course, hope. He reached up and felt the warm moisture on his left cheek and he gave his friends a nod.

"Natsuki is right. I am crying. But if you believe that these tears are those of sadness, you are mistaken."

He felt his own lips ease into a gentle smile that he believed conveyed the warmth that he felt inside thanks to all of them.

"Thank you, Natsuki, Reiji, Ranmaru, Camus. Thank you for not only for showing me the world, but for giving me the world and showing me a heart. A world that I would not have known if not for you and a heart that I would fail to acknowledge I even had if not for your kindness and guidance. I would be a lost, hollow wind in the sky if you did not bring to light what it meant to feel and live and cherish, so with utmost sincerity... thank you."

His voice wavered a little, but it did not matter. What mattered was the warmth in the smiles in their eyes as Natsuki and Reiji hugged him from each of his sides and Ranmaru grinned and Camus smiled, and he could feel the colours in his heart glowing, like Natsuki had once described.

"Thank you... for loving me and allowing me to love you back."

_The wind... is no longer hollow._

Ai smiled a bit more and hugged both Natsuki and Reiji back as Ranmaru ruffled his teal hair and Camus hummed in satisfaction.

_Or perhaps, the wind that I had been hearing throughout this ordeal... was not actually hollow in the first place. Perhaps, it has merely been a misunderstanding on my part. The wind is a messenger, sent to sweep leaves, petals and feathers off the ground and carry them to places that they were destined to be, with the earnest wish to be felt. It is impossible to be hollow if you have a wish that powerful, if you have that earnest of a desire to express love, dedication and kindness. And if you feel..._

He smiled not only on his face, but in a heart that was not a human one and yet was a beating one.

_You can move and be moved, just like the people around you, and... you can truly spread your wings and soar with utmost liberty._

That was when suddenly, the constraints on the song that Ai had wished to convey his emotions properly were broken like chains and shackles that turned out to be made of glass rather than brass all along. He let out a small, surprised gasp. What he wished to convey, how he wished to convey it, the words, lyrics, emotions... he finally knew and understood them, all of them. As though sensing his shift in emotions, both Reiji and Natsuki gently pulled away to look at him and Ai looked around at all four of them, knowing that it would mean deeply to all of them if they knew. Placing a hand on his soundless chest, he spoke.

"Because of all of you... I am certain that I found it."

He gave them a sincere smile.

"The realization that I deeply needed to write this song. This song of conveyance and sincerity. Now I can truly bring it to life..."

He tightened his hand on his chest, knowing that the invisible heart inside was smiling, too.

"Through my heart."

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Ah, Mr Birdie. You're asking me what I'm listening to?"

Natsuki smiled softly at the blue jay hovering in front of him as he took his white earplugs out from his ears.

"I'm listening to Ai-chan's latest song. Would you like to listen with me?"

It was almost a week ever since Ai collapsed in the forest and the rest of them and Eli gave him the glass jar of their emotions towards him. Ai had been piecing his solo song together much more than he had before ever since then and he had completed it and recorded it at the studio with Natsuki, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus there, making him the first Shining Star to finish his solo song in the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project and all of them extremely happy for and proud of him. This Thursday morning, Natsuki had woken up much earlier than usual and was sipping his freshly-brewed strawberry tea when the blue jay tapped lightly against the kitchen area's window. It was the blue jay that had fallen from the sky and Natsuki and Ai had brought back to its family last week, when the latter had been struggling with his emotions. The blue jay whistled a few times, keen and happy, and Natsuki let out a few chuckles before unplugging his earplugs from his cellphone and adjusted the volume.

"Ai-chan and the others are still sleeping, so I can't play it too loudly," Natsuki told the blue jay softly. "But I know that you have incredibly great hearing so you'll be able to hear Ai-chan's wonderful song just fine." The blue jay chirped again and Natsuki shook his head with a reassuring smile. "It's alright with me, little one. I might not be able to hear it as clearly, but right now, I want to share this precious song with you."

He felt his heart soften as the blue jay perched itself next to the cellphone on the white table.

"You're really sweet, though. And again, I'm really glad that your wing has fully healed. I know that Ai-chan will be very happy to know that too."

The blue jay had actually come to visit and thank both Natsuki and Ai for the other day, which was incredibly precious of it that the former had felt his heart melt. The smile remaining on his face, Natsuki whispered that he was going to start the song from the beginning and played it from the very beginning. Immediately, the powerful instrumentals of Ai's newest solo song came to life, albeit softer than the volume that Natsuki normally listened to music at, and the blue jay let out a whistle of surprise and joy.

"Yeap," Natsuki whispered. "Ai-chan's created such a beautiful song that draws you in from the very start. After so much pain and sorrow and struggle... he has created a melody and lyrics with strength and emotions that cannot be put into words. He came up with a dearly precious name for the song too. "

He looked down at the open pages of his notebook right next to his cup of warm tea and his lips eased into a sincere smile.

"'Innocent Wind'..."

The birdie whistled again, even happier than before, and that was when Ai's melodious voice emerged from the slow, soft fadeout of the beginning instrumentals, with a tone and emotions that were both gentle and powerful at the same time.

_"The wind whispered close to my ear,_

_'Live with love'"_

"Innocent Wind" was not the slowest song that Ai had ever sung, but it was not an energetic, cheerful song either. Natsuki himself was unsure what category the song fell under, exactly, but he personally saw "Innocent Wind" as an unorthodox ballad - a song that had a quicker pace than most ballads, but while also powerful in its own inimitable, emotional way, was sentimental, gentle and sincere all at once in all it was, including in its lyrics and how it was sung by Ai. As he listened to the lyrics with not only his ears but his heart, Natsuki could feel the song touching his heart deeply, pulling at its strings like warm fingers woven into threads. Words could not describe how much he felt for and with Ai throughout the entire process of this song - from the struggles to everyone coming together to the song being completed all the way to the moment now - and with every ounce of his being... he wouldn't have it any other way, and he knew that neither would Ai, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus.

_"Salvaged by an unknown emotion_

_And something hot"_

While he was working on "Innocent Wind", there had been a few nights when Ai wanted to stay up a few hours past his usual bedtime to piece the song together, which had immediately made all of them worried and concerned. During those nights, upon Reiji's suggestion, which Camus and Ranmaru initially rejected, the five of them camped out in the living room to have a sleepover, the four of them wanting to stay up with Ai. Each night, Natsuki would fix hot milk tea to everyone's preferences while Reiji brought snacks. And while Ai worked on his solo song, the rest of them would be as quiet as possible while playing cards or doing other things, including separate activities like Camus reading his novel, Ranmaru listening to rock music with his crimson headphones on, and Reiji and Natsuki watching videos and anime together while sharing earplugs, all five of them relishing in one another's company. And every now and then, they would gently remind Ai to take breaks, and he would allow himself to without complaint, even joining them for a few card games and other sleepover activities. It would warm Natsuki's heart each time he saw an earnest smile curved by Ai's lips and glimmering in his eyes, with all of them seated at the glass table, the glass jar and its stars and petals shimmering with vibrant colours in front of them under the ceiling's fluorescent lamps.

_"I'd felt as if there was always pieces missing_

_Where are the fragments of my heart?"_

Ai sometimes took his earplugs off and asked them amidst his work a number of questions about emotions. He was asking those questions more freely now, having less sadness towards his lack of understanding and instead, choosing to believe in himself and trusting all of them to guide him. And he would smile when he liked the ideas in their explanation and expressed his appreciation towards their efforts, laugh when some interpretations clashed with each other's, and facepalm when minor bickers took place. Natsuki felt his lips ease into a soft smile as his heart was touched yet again by the sincere hope and sadness of the song, by Ai's smiles and emotions that he poured into not only the song but every moment that they got to spend with one another.

_"I'd wished for wings, not a frozen heart"_

Silently so that the music is uninterrupted, he flipped the page of his notebook to the page with the ending lyrics where he had also pasted a printed photo of Ai's solo shot for the first segment of their main unit project. In the photo, Ai was laying afloat in clear, calm water that reflected the equally-serene autumn azure sky above him. The photo was taken from a greater height, with him staring up and past the camera at the sky above him, his teal hair partially-submerged in the water just like his clothes. Wearing a classic, long-sleeved white shirt with a loose lilac ribbon, long black trousers and lilac sandals along with a thin blue bracelet with a white flower ornament on his left wrist, Ai was surrounded by white feathers and blue and purple hydrangea petals that were scattered apart from one another on the clear water and along with his hair, were tousled by the gentle breeze. His left hand was resting gently on the left side of his chest while his right arm was reaching towards the sky, his palm open.

His expression was serene and faraway at the same time, his eyes gazing past the camera, tinged with a soft yearning and sadness that brought the emotions of the photo even more to life. It was a portrait of delicacy, fragility and sorrow all intertwined with one another like white and blue threads, but if thought about a bit deeper, you could see gratitude... and hope, as bright and beautiful as they both were, just like they were in this song that brought radiance to the blue jay's eyes as Natsuki remembered how they had all shared a warm bear hug when Ai showed them the finished song compositions and lyrics and after he had finished recording at the studio.

_And now you're soaring, Ai-chan... just like we all knew you would, as freely and brightly as your heart can with a genuine smile._

_"You gave feathers of song to someone like me..."_

"I see that you have made tea, Shinomiya. May we have some as well?"

"Oh!" Surprised, Natsuki turned around and saw Camus and Ai entering the kitchen area, a novel in the former's hand. "Good morning, Myu-chan-senpai, Ai-chan! And yep, you guys are more than welcome to have some tea; I can brew more if you'd like later on."

"Thank you, Natsuki," Ai said with a slight smile as he opened the cupboard and took out two more teacups. "And good morning to you as well. I see that you have recovered your stamina from last night's interviews and performances, and I am glad to know that."

As he set down the teacups on the dining table, he noticed the blue jay.

"And I see that another one of your animal companions has come to visit. Is this perhaps the blue jay that was injured last week-"

His eyes widened slightly. "This song..." He looked down at the cellphone and saw the words "Innocent Wind" on the phone screen. Camus took a seat directly across Natsuki and a few moments slipped by before Ai slowly shifted his eyes to Natsuki in mild astonishment. "Natsuki, are you-"

"I was sharing your song with the birdie," Natsuki told Ai, smiling brightly. "And it loved the song from the very start! Right, little one?" The blue jay whistled happily and Natsuki's smile turned even happier. "It also said that it's going to tell the other birdies all about your song, that it's one of the most beautiful songs it's ever heard in its life."

"Even this different life form is more than willing to promote your song, Mikaze," Camus remarked, a teasing smirk on his face. "This gives you even more ample reason to have pride in your creation."

"Natsuki, Camus... you both didn't have to..." Ai averted his eyes, a faint blush growing on his cheeks due to embarrassment as the bird let out a few happy whistles, and Natsuki's eyes widened. They had almost never seen Ai blush even a little, let alone be extremely flustered by anything. Seeing this made Camus smirk even more and Natsuki's heart melt and brighten as the latter got up and beamed at Ai.

"Ai-chan's blushing!" Natsuki half-whispered-half-exclaimed, pulling Ai into a tight hug. "Ai-chan, you're really, really cute when blushing!"

"W-What?" Ai stuttered quietly, stiffening in Natsuki's arms. "No. I am not!"

"It is quite unusual to see you this flustered, Mikaze. It is quite the interesting sight to have when we are starting the new day. There is no use attempting to deny it; you are clearly dreadful at it."

"Camus-"

"Ehh? You all are already awake?"

A loud exclaim interrupted them and a chuckling Natsuki pulled away from Ai to face Reiji, who was staring in the doorway with his jaw dropped. "Good morning, Rei-chan-senpai!"

"And you guys are already having loads of fun without me?" Reiji complained, pretending to sound upset which Natsuki found extremely endearing and cute in Reiji's own special way. "Gathering in the middle of the kitchen at an especially early hour and smiling with one another and making memories already? You guys are all meanies! After all the sleepovers and hangouts together, you're leavin' good 'o Rei-chan out?"

"It is your own fault that you woke up later than the rest of us," Ai stated bluntly, although he did not hide the small smile on his face.

"We didn't plan this without you, Rei-chan-senpai," Natsuki added, laughing as he pulled Reiji into a half-hug. "We wouldn't; we would never leave you out!"

"Even though I have compiled in my mind a long list of negative adjectives to describe you with," Camus added with a smirk.

"Nattsun is really sweet, but Myu-chan, Ai-Ai! Why do you both gotta be so h-"

"Y'all are bein' so freakin' loud that you interrupted my well-deserved sleep."

Everyone turned to see Ranmaru leaning against the doorway, his silver hair ruffled and his clothes wrinkled, his arms crossed over his chest, staring at everyone with an intense gaze. However, his true emotions were soon given away by a small, lopsided grin curving on his face. Not to mention, he looked fresh and awake, meaning that he had been awake for quite awhile now.

"Who started this?" His voice was demanding, but half-joking.

"Not me!" Reiji responded with a cheeky grin. "I just came in here as well, so can't be me!"

"But the noise truly began when you made your presence known, Reiji."

"Hey! Ai-Ai, don't-"

"With all technicality, Shinomiya was the very first person here," Camus pointed out, folding his arms with a sly smirk on his face, "so it is safe to say that you, Kurosaki, would not have been awoken if not for him."

Natsuki's eyes dilated at Camus. "E-Ehh? But I didn't-"

"I can vouch for Camus," Ai interrupted, smiling slightly. "When Camus and I came here together, Natsuki was already here."

"Ai-chan-"

"And I wouldn't have been as loud as I was if I didn't see them here!" Reiji finished, giving Natsuki a mischievous grin. "Looks like we all know who's in the hot seat, alright!"

"Oh, I see..." Ranmaru drawled, shifting his gaze over to Natsuki with an evil grin. "So it's you, Natsuki." He crossed his arms and his grin darkened as Natsuki smiled awkwardly. "Now that the culprit's been caught red-handed, does anyone have any suggestions as to what a good price to pay would be?"

"Well," Camus started, setting his teacup down onto the table, "we all are very much aware that Shinomiya is extremely sensitive to being tickled."

Natsuki's eyes widened as the senpais all surrounded him, leaving him with no place to escape. "E-Eto..."

"Would you like to partake in this this time, Mikaze?" Camus inquired, smirking.

Ai nodded with a smile. "I would like to. Do you, by any chance, have a spare white feather?"

"Of course." Camus' smirk turned even slyer.

"Ready, guys?" Ranmaru asked, grinning.

Natsuki chuckled. "But-"

"Now!"

"Wahh!"

While Camus walked briskly to get his white feathers, Natsuki found himself being grabbed ahold by Reiji and Ranmaru and being pulled to the living room area as he was tickled all over his arms. "Guys!" Falling backwards on the brown sofa, Natsuki could hardly speak or protest amidst constant laughter and chuckles as Ranmaru and Reiji tickled him all over his body, especially on his weakest spots that they had discovered during the past times he had been tickled by them. "S-Stop, it's-" When Camus joined them, he revealed two white feathers and gave one of them to Ai before the both of them joined in and tickled Natsuki as well, overwhelming him even more.

"G-Guys... I-I can't-"

As he laughed uncontrollably, even though he could not speak much amidst the tickles, he could see the looks on all his dearest friends' faces. Reiji was the first one to start laughing as well, his arms wrapped around Natsuki as he tickled his stomach. Ranmaru guffawed as he tousled Natsuki's hair and tickled his arms, a dark grin on his face as he teasingly asked him if he wanted more. Camus did not stop smirking as he and Ai used white feathers, adding to Ranmaru's remarks, a sly glint in his normally-stoic blue eyes. And standing next to Reiji, Ai smiled amusedly as he quietly observed everyone and did the same as Camus, commenting that this was quite an interesting activity. As much as he was running out of breath from all the laughing, with all his heart, Natsuki could feel a warm glow illuminating his insides like the sun as they all spent time together like this, their happiness sincerely a deep treasure to him.

"I suggest that we do this more often. Tickling Natsuki is quite enjoyable and I would like to learn more about the joy in this activity."

"Ai-chan!"

"Ho ho ho! Looks like our dear, lovely Ai-Ai is gettin' to know the fun in tickling our bright, precious Nattsun! Yeap, we'll be sure to do this much more often! We can do it again after breakfast if you want!"

"Ya think he had enough?" Ranmaru's voice was teasing.

"Perhaps he had." Camus' tone was amused. "Although I expected you to be the one to insist to prolong this activity."

"Speak for yourself, sugar addict."

When the tickling came to a stop, Natsuki took in rapid inhales and exhales, letting out a few chuckles in between. Laughing, Reiji pulled him into his arms and hugged him tightly, lightly apologizing for the tickling. "You are so, so precious and adorable being tickled, you know!" Ai nodded and wrapped an arm around Natsuki as well, a gentle smile curved on his lips. Hovering above them was the blue jay, who had followed them out of the kitchen, whistling happily as everyone calmed down from the tickling, and Ranmaru remarked that the blue jay must really think that they were all a bunch of kids.

"Nope," Natsuki answered with a smile after hearing the blue jay whistle a few times, "it doesn't. Mr Birdie says that it thinks we're really close and that we're all happy together. All of us."

He felt himself bask even more in the comfort of his dear friends as his smile softened.

"You couldn't be more right, Mr Blue Jay."

_"I feel as though I have forgotten something important."_

Ai had told them that when he was trying to recall what had happened the moment he collapsed in the forest. They had been resting at their favourite cafe, enjoying milk tea, when Ai suddenly said those words. They had asked if he had any clue as to what he had forgotten, but he shook his head, saying that all he knew was that it had something to do with emotions and that it was not anything technical or that kind.

 _But..._ he had added, lowering his eyes to his cup of English Breakfast milk tea, _even so, even though I feel like it is important, at the very least, I did not forget what is most important to me, what I am never to lose memory of._

Looking up, he had given all of them a soft smile.

_It is the fact that the five of us will always be together, here for one another. And that it is the reason why I can convey what I wish to. You gave me feathers of a song, showed me a heart that I would not have known otherwise, and I... I will always be grateful for that._

_You're truly an innocent wind, Ai-chan_ , Natsuki thought as he got up to make milk tea for everyone. Reiji and Ai volunteered to help and beaming at them, Natsuki took both of their hands and briskly walked towards the kitchen. _Carrying petals, leaves and bits of pollen with pure kindness, soaring through the sky like a white canary with its bright wings spread out in the sunshine, singing with a gentle, inimitable voice of emotions that cannot be put into words, of strength that shows a powerful heart of colours..._

Natsuki gave Ai a bear hug from behind, his smile brightening. Ai let out a surprised gasp as Natsuki and Reiji laughed, and from where they were, they could hear the strumming of Ranmaru's bass guitar and the whistling of the blue jay.

_You're our innocent wind, and you're soaring with us. That'll always be this way, Ai-chan._ _Always._

???

Hakise could not seem to figure out what the issue was.

There had been an anomaly, but he could not precisely pinpoint what it was. While checking on Ai's progress in awakening the comatose Aine, he had noticed that the radar had detected something out of the ordinary. On the screen in which the link between Ai and Aine's brain activity was displayed, there was a glowing blue line spotted, a line that had not been there. He was not sure if it was a positive or negative thing, so he decided to do some analysis of the indication to figure out precisely what it was, where it came from, and what caused it. However, in the midst of starting his analysis, the line, without warning, disappeared in a flash of light, causing the screen to revert back to its original state. All of this had occurred on a single day, last Sunday morning, on which it had rained rather heavily.

Now nearly a week had passed ever since the anomaly occurred and disappeared and he, of course, had talked to Ai with the hope that he could get to the heart of the matter. The only piece of information, albeit vague, that aided the middle-aged doctor in solving this enigma was Ai mentioning that he felt that he had forgotten something important from his most recent collapse. His collapse had had everything to do with overheating due to the spiral of emotions inside of him, but Ai had expressed that there was something significant that he could not remember no matter how much effort he put in recalling it. Sitting at his workplace with a mug of black coffee that had gone cold, he looked through the data again, letting out a heavy sigh at the inconsistencies of life. Nevertheless, not everything was bleak - that was not what life was. Turning in his rolling chair, he let his eyes fall upon his dear nephew and his lips managed to smile slightly.

_We have made more progress recently compared to the previous years combined, Aine. You'll wake up eventually and when you do, I'm sure you'll be smiling at least a little more, for your heart has been touched by Ai and the people around him, and that is what living is all about._

Hakise clicked a number of times on the computer screen until he reached an audio file. Ai had sent him a copy of his latest solo song, "Innocent Wind." The professor himself had been moved by the song and its meaning and smiled knowing how Ai had grown to understand what emotions, including love, meant. He also opened the word file with the lyrics to the song and read part of it aloud.

" _'There is never just a single answer_

_Guided by the bond between us,_

_With you who with a smile believes in me,_

_Together, we'll keep walking'_

"Aine. This is a song written by Ai, the person who is trying to wake you up through being linked to you. Someone who has learned not only what it means to feel, but to be someone who cherishes and looks out for others, who holds out his hand and wraps his arms around his dearest people, who soars believing in himself and the people around him, who understands pain and appreciates happiness."

As Hakise played the solo song, he closed his eyes, a tightness in his chest.

"No matter how much darkness you see, do not ever let go of the fact that there will always be someone who would do anything to be your light. And I hope that this song... gives you a little more clarity on that and what it means to smile with an open and bright heart."

_"Swept away by an innocent wind, torn apart and lost_

_The sunlight is always facing us,_

_Bringing light and gentleness_

_As it smiles"_

\- "Innocent Wind", by Ai Mikaze (Shouta Aoi)


	37. Glass Heights

Ranmaru Kurosaki

"I want to die."

Reiji wrenched his hand away from Natsuki's hold, taking a few steps back, his grey eyes shaded.

"You won't understand. Don't even try to tell me you do."

Ranmaru wordlessly watched as Reiji tilted his fedora down with a dark, mirthless tone and Natsuki's eyes remained wide open in pure anguish. The three of them, Ai and Camus were all in the living room of the apartment, working on the next story arc of their main unit project. It was the story arc in which all five of them were to reveal even darker, more melancholic sides of their characters and the story, starting from Reiji and Natsuki, who were acting out one of the scenes that they all had come up with together. Reiji's character was on the verge of collapsing and was ambivalent on what it meant to "live" while Natsuki's character was the best friend who had his own wounds hidden and buried in his heart but had been concealing them for the sake of everyone he loved. Sitting beside Ranmaru on the red sofa, Camus was soundlessly sipping his jasmine tea while Ai, who sat on the opposite sofa, observed the scene unfold even more with teal eyes that were as calm as they were intense.

"Rei-chan, I won't-"

"Please stop, Nattsun."

"Can... can you-"

"You don't know what it's like!"

Reiji grabbed Natsuki by the shirt with both hands, his fists trembling as he gritted his teeth with emotions flashing across his face like crying sirens. The raw intensity of it all, even though this was all a part of their fictional craft, nearly made Ranmaru himself clench his teeth as thoughts began searing through his head like wildfire.

 _This_ , he thought to himself, concealing the deep agony of the thought behind his usual no-nonsense expression, _was one of the other ways that freaking night in that amusement park could have gone, as ruthless as it sounds._

He, just like everyone else present in this room, could never forget how vulnerable and broken down Reiji had been that night, under those ever-changing colours that stopped for no one. With all the brokenness that Reiji had been straining to hide under layers and layers of masks and complexities, had it been someone else with him that night, he could have really lost it there and then, all of the anguish that had been torturing him spiralling out of control like a monstrous hurricane, and raised his voice the way he was right now as he performed this scene with Natsuki, the two of them playing roles that reflected quite the amount of similarities to their true selves, all while projecting their own emotions through their characters. But he had not, not even once, and from that alone, Ranmaru knew that even amidst his suffering, Reiji had kept in mind his desire to never harm Natsuki and that had definitely kept him under control.

_But seriously though..._

_"You don't know what it's like!"_

Ranmaru nearly grimaced, but managed to restrain it as well as keep the searing emotions locked within himself before they could rise to the surface when it was the last thing he wanted.

_Those freaking words hit much harder than I'd like to ever admit._

And the emotions lingered on, raging and burning even as he watched Natsuki and Reiji wrap up the scene with a heartfelt hug after an emotional turmoil of words and truths, which included the latter dilating his eyes when what he had done struck him hard and Natsuki rolling up the sleeve of his sweater to reveal his scars - which the makeup artists would draw later on - and quietly explaining them while pleading him to not commit the same mistakes he had done. Ranmaru was well aware that this main unit project was all about emotions and revealing different sides of each and every one of them, but that did not stop certain parts from ramming him like a freaking spear straight to the core of his heart. When the scene was done, Ranmaru looked straight at both Natsuki and Reiji and was the first to speak.

"That went a whole lot better than the first try."

Although, now that Ranmaru thought about it, "a whole lot better" was a complete understatement. Not that the first try was horrible - though their performance had been weaker then - but this particular one just blew Ranmaru's expectations out of the water and even made him feel so worked up on the inside. Not that he would tell them exactly that. So he settled for a different remark, which he did mean as well.

"You two are gonna give the fans chills with that acting," was what he ended up saying, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ai nodding in agreement.

"It's not like we didn't get the chills ourselves either!" Reiji exclaimed, keeping a hand wrapped around Natsuki's shoulder. He turned to Natsuki and smiled faintly. "I don't think I'll ever not feel anything whenever you lift that sleeve up to reveal the scars. Please don't feel like you have to hide anything from us, Nattsun - you know we're all here for one another."

Natsuki nodded quietly. "And Rei-chan-senpai, please do not ever feel like you can't live or you want or deserve to die." His voice was almost inaudible as a wave of sadness crossed his features. "It scared me when you said that first line... even though I know you don't mean it, and we..." his voice faltered, "we don't know what we'd do without you..."

Reiji's eyes softened. "It's a promise, Nattsun."

Ranmaru could confidently say that every single one in this room was genuinely hoping that Natsuki and Reiji lived up to those spoken promises. He remembered how everyone had immediately turned concerned when Reiji and Natsuki suggested to add those parts - the "I want to die" dialogue and scars under the sleeve part - into the story line. It had more than freaked Ranmaru out - he knew as much as the rest of them that those ideas did not just come out of nowhere. Taking this seriously, all five of them had sat at the coffee table with cups of jasmine tea, with the genuine want and need to have a better understanding of the backgrounds behind those suggestions. With careful choices of words and questions, Reiji and Ai had first asked Natsuki about his part, gently asking if this had anything to do with him personally. Natsuki had admitted that after he lost his memories, during the time that he was getting bullied, he used to hide his bruises from being beaten by his own schoolmates under his long-sleeved jackets and sweaters. And that it was by rolling up his sleeves that his parents had found out about the bullying.

"Natsuki... I want ya to look us all in the eye and be real honest," Ranmaru had spoken, not even bothering to hide, let alone deny, his concern. Natsuki nodded quietly and Ranmaru gritted his teeth, the possibilities running through his head torturing him already. "You... You didn't do any self-harming at any point in your life, did you?"

"No..." Natsuki uttered softly, shaking his head. Even so, the pain did not become any lesser. "But by letting them be... I was hurting myself, wasn't I?"

Then Natsuki had gently asked Reiji about his dialogue and if the brunet had ever felt that way. With a sorrowful smile, Reiji had told them that being on the receiving end of the words along the lines of "I hope you die" and "You deserve to die" did make his mind wander off into darker regions more times than he would like to admit, before the day he took Natsuki in.

"I often did think that I didn't deserve to live," Reiji confessed quietly, "that Kei and Hibiki were right, that I am the one who should have disappeared instead of Aine, that I should be dead by now. But... I would think of the pain everyone suffered when Aine disappeared, that I suffered when I found out that he tried to drown himself. And I... I hated the idea of subjecting anyone to that pain - you could even say that it was one of my main reasons of convincing myself that I should live on with the guilt and all that haunted me in my head."

He looked around at all of them and smiled weakly.

"You see why... I needed that night on the Ferris Wheel... don't you?"

_These two..._

This was one of the main, jarring differences between them and Ranmaru. While Natsuki and Reiji were clearly more open about expressing their personal feelings now, Ranmaru still had countless things that he kept bottled up inside of him and did not offer even a single hint about. One of them was how much he respected their way of life. Ranmaru would never forget how he had personally witnessed each and every one of his closest friends struggle heavily, even if he did not say a word about it after it happened. Like that night under the lights of the Ferris Wheel where masks faded away to reveal a tortured soul, that morning in which a bright heart had been shattered in the middle of a cold lounge at the mansion, the late nights when a particular baron abandoned his excessive pride and expressed his genuine concerns regarding everyone else with pain sometimes crossing his face under the dim lights, the quiet evenings where their logic-grounded analyst reflected on his capabilities to understand emotions. The "E" in the word "live" was truly "empathy", which Ranmaru had to admit he was not at all great at showing, and they had all taught him that and he found himself genuinely relating to each and every single one of the four. To their pain, their struggle, how they all tried to hold on regardless of all the storms threatening to tear them apart.

And now...

_"I want to die."_

His heart went numb for a weak moment, and a chill ran down his spine, causing him to mentally curse.

It would be a lie if he said that that statement, too, was not as morbid as it was disturbing to him.

 _Death..._ Even the word itself was enough to stifle his heart. _That... that is just-_

"I'm really glad that Shiny-san gave us all these weeks to focus on our main unit project."

Interrupting Ranmaru's train of thoughts - with the train crashing into oblivion - Reiji let out a happy sigh as he leaned back against the backrest of the sofa and pulled Natsuki and Ai even closer to him. Ranmaru dismissed his initial thoughts, choosing to save it for later, and adjusted the bass guitar on his lap.

"I mean, we have interviews, live stages and guest appearances, but with all of it centering around our five-man unit, we get loads of time with one another, and I'm cherishing every single second of it, alright!"

"I am rather surprised that Shining has not summoned us or coerced us to do any ridiculous assignments ever since that last meeting regarding Shinomiya's live and Ittoki," Camus remarked before taking another sip of his jasmine tea while holding his script in one hand. "Although it is not a problem."

"Oi!" Ranmaru glared at Camus, who returned the look with a frown. "Don't jinx our luck! Speaking of that old man may as well summon him to us and before we know it, we'll be the victims of his insanity all over again! I can already imagine that big grin of his and I don't wanna know what's goin' on in that wild head of his!"

"But Shining-sensei makes things more fun for us," Natsuki remarked with a smile, and Ranmaru stared at his polar opposite in utter disbelief.

"No, he does not!" he yelled. "Don't get fooled by that big grin of his, Natsuki! It's bad news - always bad news!"

"Ehh? But sensei looks so happy when he grins like that."

"His happiness means we're doomed, Natsuki! He's happy; we're as good as dead!"

"But we always have fun, right?"

"No!"

"I do not believe that Camus mentioning Shining-san is 'jinxing' anyone," Ai spoke up as Reiji laughed and Camus smirked. Ranmaru could see from the small smile on Ai's face that the youngest of them all was clearly amused by this. "My data calls it 'superstition' and it is not a belief that I share with you, Ranmaru."

"You'd better be right, Ai," Ranmaru commented with a frown and sighed in defeat when he saw that Natsuki's eyes were still sparkling. "I'd better not get up tomorrow morning and find the old man barging through our doors to whisk us away to do some nonsensical garbage for him."

Oh how he wished the topic of that nonsensical, ridiculous old man never came up in the first place. The following morning, a _Sunday_ morning for that matter, Ranmaru had been peacefully sleeping in the living room area he shared with Ai when a clamorous crash abruptly jolted him from dreamland like some madman just rammed a truck through the apartment door. Reflexively sitting up on his red sofa, Ranmaru could feel his eyes already dilated as his mind was disconcerted like insane colours were blurring and overlapping with one another in a pandemonium and with his half-dazed mind wondering if this was just some ridiculous hallucination, he glanced around, demanding to know just what on freaking earth just-

"A lovely morning to you all, my Shining Stars!"

"The actual freaking-" Ranmaru cursed, his eyes nearly _bulging_ at the sight of _Shining_ , the very last person he wanted to see on what was supposed to be a relaxing weekend, standing proudly and gleefully in front of a doorway from which the door was gone, his guffaws vexing to the soul. Somehow standing next to him was Eli, whose amber eyes were wide in sheer nervousness and worry. While Ranmaru did not have the slightest clue what the kid was doing here, at least he knew that the old man's actions were anything _but_ okay. Noticing that all his fellow flatmates were gathered in the living room, clearly crudely awoken and bewildered by this lovely predicament, Ranmaru smacked his hand against his face before he turned to a shocked Reiji and spoke as calmly as his temperament - which was on the verge of breaking loose like fire, by the way - allowed him to.

"As you're the owner of this place, can we please get a restraining order?"

Reiji Kotobuki

"Natsuki-san really calms everyone down, doesn't he?"

"Yep!" Reiji agreed, beaming at Eli and Natsuki. "That's why it was a great call to get him to sit next to Ran-Ran!" He turned to Ranmaru and grinned. "See? Ran-Ran isn't on the verge of exploding anymore!"

"One more word from ya and I'm goin' to smack ya on the top of the head," Ranmaru threatened through gritted teeth, glaring from his seat on Natsuki's left.

"Ouchie!"

The five of them, Eli and Shining were now seated at the dining table, having piping hot bacon, eggs and pancakes for breakfast along with lavender tea. Shining sat at the left edge of the table and Reiji, Ai and Camus sat across from Eli, Natsuki and Ranmaru, respectively. With the doorway bare thanks to his shocking entrance, Shining had allowed the five of them to choose a brand new door for themselves, and Reiji had nearly choked on his food at Ranmaru's retort, which had been a blunt "One that you will not be able to break through." Reiji could not help but laugh again when he saw Ranmaru frantically declining a hug from Natsuki, who offered it with a kind smile, and Shining guffawing loudly. Thank goodness Reiji was not sitting next to Ranmaru or he would have gotten a smack on the head by now.

As Eli passed the plate of pancakes to Camus, Reiji turned to Ai, who silently shook his head at the chaos while carefully slicing through the strip of bacon held down by his fork. Chuckling at how calm Ai had always been no matter how crazy the rest of them got, Reiji threw an arm around the teal-haired boy and beamed as his best friend turned to him with an inquiring look.

"Reiji?"

Reiji merely laughed and soon Ai narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Don't give me that look, Ai-Ai! I'm not tryin' anything funny!"

"That is quite difficult to believe considering your track record as an infamous prankster."

"Hey! I have not pranked anyone ever since-"

"Before Kurosaki's temper gets out of hand for the umpteenth time..."

Camus's voice cut through the overlapping of voices and Ranmaru scowled at the platinum blond who was pouring himself another cup of tea.

"May we inquire the reason that you and Kizuna showed up at the apartment without any aforementioned notice?"

"Yep," Natsuki said, nodding in agreement as everyone turned quiet. He turned to Eli with concern glimmering in his green eyes and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Eli-kun has been nervous ever since he got here and I'm getting worried." He faced Shining. "Did anything happen, sensei?"

"Anyone we gotta beat up?" Ranmaru questioned.

"Ran-Ran!" Reiji exclaimed.

"I see you all have caught on that we have a matter in hand!" Shining exclaimed with a broad grin on his face. Ranmaru smacked his hand against his face while Ai silently shook his head and Camus narrowed his eyes. "And it's a big, big, extremely important matter that I need you all to listen to with open ears and hearts, everyone! So as you all see, I brought Mr Kizuna here because there is something about him that you all should know now."

Reiji looked at Eli curiously, noting the nervousness flashing across the young boy's face as he twiddled with a loose thread from his white sweater.

"Mr Eli Kizuna will be attending Saotome Gakuen as the academy's youngest student!" Shining announced.

"What?" Ranmaru's jaw slackened as Reiji mentally repeated the news in his head in utmost surprise.

"E-Eli-kun...?" Natsuki uttered in pure astonishment as he turned to Eli, who gave him a shy smile as his face reddened in sheer embarrassment. His eyes soon brightened like sunshine as he pulled the younger boy into a tight hug, a warm smile spread across his face. "Congratulations, Eli-kun! I'm so, so happy for you! You're going to make loads of warm memories and melodies in Saotome Academy and sing and make music like you've always wanted!"

"Congratulations, Eli," Ai said with a sincere smile.

"Yeap!" Reiji walked around the table and slung an arm around Eli with a bright smile, tousling the boy's blond hair. "Congrats, kiddo! You're gonna make history in that academy! I foresee great things from you, Eli-chan, and all of us will be with you every step of the way!"

_We definitely will._

As Eli smiled brightly and thanked everyone for their support, images of himself, Aine, Kei and Hibiki flickered inside Reiji's head like glass under the blinding sun and he did his best to push them out while concealing a sad smile.

_Even... if they weren't... for me._

"How did you discover Kizuna's musical abilities, Shining-san?" Camus inquired, his expression gentler than before. "And of course, I offer you my utmost congratulations and best of luck, Kizuna."

"That day in the forest, I was actually listening when Mr Shinomiya played the viola and Mr Kizuna hummed along," Shining answered with a bright grin, "and I immediately saw immense potential in the young boy. Therefore, after waiting for the chaos to pass, I summoned Mr Kizuna and his parents to my office and offered him a full scholarship in my academy without the need to pass the entrance exams!"

"That offer is well-deserved," Camus remarked as Reiji and Natsuki hugged Eli together, causing the boy to laugh. "However, I do not see the need to announce the news whilst coming here without any notification. Or is there, perhaps, something more in regards to the matter in hand?"

"Yeah," Ranmaru agreed, his heterochromatic eyes narrowed as he leaned back against his seat. "As much as I'm happy for the kid, was there really a need to come here at this hour? Or was it just the typical Shining surprise that we'll never get used to?"

"As a matter of fact, there is!" Shining answered with sheer enthusiasm in his voice as Reiji stood between Eli and Natsuki and wrapped his arms around both of them. He turned to Eli and grinned broadly. "Mr Kizuna, do tell your seniors what you told me back in the office with your parents."

"Yes, Shining-sensei," Eli responded with a nod. He looked around at everyone, the nervousness back in his wide eyes, causing Reiji to become even more curious. _Is this why he was so jittery from the minute he came here?_ "Um... like I told Shining-sensei during the meeting with my parents... there is one last thing that I want to do at my current school before I move to Saotome Gakuen."

Clenching his fists, Eli took in a deep breath and let it out, his face nervous but also serious. And Reiji couldn't help but be pleasantly surprised by that unwavering seriousness burning in the back of the young boy's eyes.

"I... I would like to try to hold an anti-bullying week at my school."

Reiji, Ranmaru and Natsuki's eyes widened in astonishment as Camus and Ai nodded in understanding.

"I know... that almost every one of my schoolmates hate me," Eli confessed, his voice quiet and tinged with hurt. "I know that they would have at least one of the two reactions if I find out I am leaving: be happy that they will not have to see me ever again, or be mad that they will not have me to hurt and call me... a coward." He winced slightly. "But even if most of them hate me... all the time I was at that school... I know that there are people who are going through what I went through. There are people who are shoved against the lockers, tripped during soccer and other games, called names, and they cried, bled and kept their heads down alone... and no one deserves that."

Eli's voice quivered with emotion and those same feelings radiated inside his eyes like sparks in an already brightly-lit sky as he turned to Natsuki, whose green eyes were glistening with a true smile.

"The STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT live and Natsuki-san's solo live gave me the courage to try and fulfil that wish," Eli explained. "Seeing how all of you stuck with one another even though it hurt so much... I decided that I wanted to make one last difference before I left that school. Even though there were cruel people, there were kind people too, like the few friends I made and the teachers who encouraged us to be kind to one another. I want everyone to be kind to one another, understand one another, and be there for one another. Because trying to hurt one another through bullying... is one of the cruellest things that you can do to anyone."

A warm smile spread across Eli's lips.

"So I want my last week there... to be one when I am truly there for others before I go."

"Mr Kizuna, his parents and I have had a meeting with the principal and directors of the school," Shining spoke, giving Eli, whom Natsuki had pulled into a gentle hug, a sincere smile. Reiji could feel his heart swell with warmth, touched by the little boy's kindness, and even Ranmaru didn't bother hiding a slight smile. "They have given us a big 'OK' and so the event is on, boys! This week is the prep week and the following week shall be Mr Kizuna's last week , aka anti-bullying week!"

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Natsuki asked, smiling warmly at Eli.

"N-Natsuki-san!"

Immediately, Eli's eyes dilated and he waved his hands frantically, causing Natsuki to tilt his head in confusion.

"This is exactly why I was nervous about telling you guys - I knew that you'd ask!" Eli exclaimed. "After all that happened, I didn't want to bother you guys - you deserve every bit of rest you have! I-It's okay, Natsuki-san! I'll be okay, really!"

"Aww, you're not a bother, Eli-chan!" Reiji assured, tousling Eli's hair with a genuine smile as Natsuki shook his head with a kind smile. "Not at all! All of us wanna be here with ya and that includes helpin' ya with this event that you were really kind to wanna hold! Right, Nattsun, Ai-Ai, Myu-chan, Ran-Ran?"

"But you need to rest-" Eli tried to protest, his eyes filled with worry.

"We got more than enough rest," Ranmaru interrupted, crossing his arms with a grin. "I mean, clearly I hate people barging in early in the morning, but hearin' ya say all that more than makes up for it, kid. And it's not like this was even a vacation - we were workin' on our main unit project and what harm would helpin' out with your event do? Nothing, am I right?"

"You know as much as the rest of us that at least two people amongst our group of five have been severely affected by the disgrace defined as 'bullying'," Camus remarked and Reiji knew exactly whom he was referring to: Natsuki and Ai, both who had been targeted by Gin. "So this holds quite the amount of significance to us as well and it would mean deeply to us if we could provide any form of assistance."

"We would desire to help even if you did not ask," Ai said with a faint smile. He turned to Shining. "That is why you came in the first place, right, Shining-san?"

"Very perceptive, Mikaze!" Shining responded, an excited glint in his eyes behind his sunglasses, his grin widening. He got up and the teacups on the table rattled. "You do not have to worry about a thing, Mr Kizuna! All five of your seniors here are kind-hearted and caring professionals and with their help, I am more than 100% sure that your last project at your school will be a huge success - it's all about heart, after all!"

Eli turned to Natsuki and the latter gave him an assertive nod and kind smile. Exhaling softly, Eli finally smiled in return and Reiji laughed and rubbed the boy's hair.

"And speaking of 'help', I have come up with the perfect assignment for you five in order to help fulfil Mr Kizuna's wish!"

"Now _this_ is exactly what I did _not_ want to hear!"

Ranmaru groaned and stared at Shining with a look of sheer disapproval as Camus closed his eyes.

"How dead are we?"

"What a great sense of humour you have there, Mr Kurosaki!" Shining remarked with a grin and Reiji smiled awkwardly as Ranmaru took in a sharp breath. Ranmaru's face read, _If you weren't my boss, I'd throw ya out of the window by now._ "But nope, there's no life-and-death situation in the assignment that I'm about to give you! In fact, it'll be loads of fun while you all channel your emotions!"

Shining's eyes were illumined by his typical zeal that Ranmaru had defined as "their sign of death", and Reiji inwardly smiled an awkward smile.

_Err... now I am not sure how fun this will actually be._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"So of all the freaking places we could be at, during the day that is meant for us to be anywhere we want..."

Ranmaru stared around with emotions that held not even the slightest bit of approval or joy.

"We are in a freaking _school_?"

Natsuki and Eli chuckled and Reiji burst out laughing as Ai sighed quietly and Camus snorted. After Eli expressed his wish to have an anti-bullying week before leaving for Saotome Gakuen, Shining had given them the freedom to choose what they wanted to do for the anti-bullying week, like a video, skit or live performance, with them needing to be fully prepared by the end of next Sunday. Along with that, he had also given them an assignment for today: to visit Eli's school and have its grand tour with their young friend guiding them around. No one attended school on Sunday and there were no special occasion for anyone to have a reason to come, so Shining had declared today as the best possible time for them to look around and familiarize themselves with the place at which Eli's wish was to be granted, even though Ranmaru was not at all approving of the idea.

Walking across the entrance hallway between Reiji and Eli, Natsuki felt a little strange being in a setting that was normally so lively and yet was now extremely silent and empty, but he couldn't help but smile when he saw the vivid-coloured walls and the peculiar paintings hung on them. And with his friends with him and Reiji's arm draped across his shoulders, Natsuki smiled and relaxed even more, knowing that as empty as the school was, he was not on his own here, and that fact itself... would always be more than enough.

"As absurd as your wording emphasizes our current situation to be," Ai answered as he studied the school's interior layout on his tablet, "Shining-san did say that it would be beneficial for us to have a deeper understanding of Eli's school, and despite his questionable decisions, I cannot say I disagree. After all, a first-hand experience is the most useful kind."

"And to think you're the one who researches through databases and browsers on your laptop..."

"This is an evidently dissimilar case and you know it."

"Why couldn't we just- Ugh, I'm so freaking _done_."

"Are you going to be okay, Ranmaru-san?"

"Ignore him, Kizuna. He is merely in one of his typical, inane moments."

"You asking for it, you royal blockhead?"

"If Shining-san sent us here to conduct reconnaissance," Ai spoke up before Camus and Ranmaru could continue bickering, "I suggest that before we officially start, we are to have at least a general overview on how this school handles bullying, including its strengths and weaknesses, as well as its history."

As Natsuki and Camus nodded in agreement, Ai turned to Eli, who was pressing the Up button at the front of the elevator.

"Based on your knowledge, which I am aware includes your own personal experience, how is bullying handled here and to what degree does it occur? You do not have to go as far as mentioning your personal details if it makes you uncomfortable, Eli."

Eli stiffened, his face contorted in pain and sadness, his eyes lowered to the mahogany floor, and Natsuki's heart throbbed at the thought of how much suffering the younger boy must feel. That was when the sound of the elevator reaching their floor reverberated throughout the otherwise-still air and the heavy double doors slowly opened. Glancing around the area, Eli uttered just loud enough for all of them to hear, "I'll tell you all in the elevator. I don't want... anyone else listening in."

Natsuki was confused at first, knowing that there was no one else besides the six of them here. But from the underlying current of fear in Eli's words and voice, Natsuki soon understood and smiled sadly, knowing now why the little boy was still at unease in regards to telling them in an extremely open space. "Okay, Eli-kun. Let's go in then." As everyone expressed their agreement, he nodded with a smile of understanding as he took Eli's hand and led him in before holding the door open for Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus, who entered afterwards. Camus pressed the Close button, allowing the double doors to slide heavily towards each other until a dull thud was heard.

And no one pressed any of the numbered buttons, leaving the elevator near motionless on the ground floor.

"That's how bad it is, isn't it?"

Leaning against the left corner of the elevator's back wall, Ranmaru was the first to speak, his heterochromatic eyes narrowed in concern.

"To the point that even on a day like today, it's terrifying to believe that you can have so much as a private conversation without it backfiring after all's been said."

"Yeah." Eli nodded briefly, his voice quiet and laced with hurt, his head lowered. "There have been some cases when students who were trying to talk to their close friends about what is going on, when they could not take it anymore, were eavesdropped on even when no one was supposed to be where they were." He clenched his fists. "I was one of them... I cried about it when I was alone with my best friend and the next day, I..." He flinched. "My compositions were all torn apart and thrown into the swimming pool, and... Gin... he nearly twisted my arm."

Ranmaru gritted his teeth as Natsuki placed a hand on Eli's shoulder and squeezed it gently. "That sicko..."

"But Gin and Nobu are no longer here, right?" Reiji asked, his grey eyes sheening with pain. "They're both far, far away from you and won't be able to hurt you, Eli-chan."

"But their friends are," Eli responded, his voice faltering, "and they... they know what I've done. What we all did at that forest." He shook his head, agony crossing his face. "They wouldn't leave me alone whenever they had the chance, and I didn't want to risk them overhearing me say anything that they can use against me or any of you. They tried to force me to tell them about you guys, especially about Natsuki-san. They blame all of us, saying that we took their friends away from them and ruined their lives. Sometimes... they would try to get it out of me by hurting someone else. Pulling a girl's ponytail, kicking a boy down to the floor, beating my friends..."

His body quivered a little as he clenched his teeth.

"They would say something like 'Natsuki Shinomiya was so brave to get stabbed, so how about you do the same for these guys, huh? Or are they now your sacrifices as Natsuki isn't here at this school, Eli-chan?' They would say all that... either with furious looks or cold smiles on their faces, even laughing as they hurt the people around me, saying that no one could stop them."

"This is a prime example of how even teenagers can be individuals even lower than scum," Camus remarked, his tone colder than ice, as Ai shook his head in sheer disapproval. "Pathetic. Utterly pathetic. If the school authorities did nothing to stop these detestable members of society, I have to say that they, too, are too inept to show their presence here."

"Have you tried telling your teachers, Eli-kun?" Natsuki asked softly.

Eli nodded, but his eyes were tight with pain. "I have, Natsuki-san, but it didn't work. It only makes the bullying worse, especially if they knew exactly who had spoken up. And so many times... the teachers do not care. Some blamed the students for not being strong enough, some asked for evidence that we could not just get on our own, some just didn't want to be involved and said that they were only here to teach us the listed subjects. The principal is the one who cares the most, but at the same time... there aren't many chances to talk to him alone."

"Now I have a general overview of what kind of school this is," Ai said, his voice calm despite the deep disapproval in his narrowed teal eyes as he scrolled along his tablet beside Reiji. "This is a school that is renowned for its academic achievements and its primary, unwavering focus and dedication towards its students excelling in their given subjects, regardless if they are academic or non-academic, with a high passing rate and an impressive number of high achievers. However, what is undeniably overlooked is the school's lack of empathy and dedication towards major issues outside of the academic field. Their students' well-being does not matter as long as their academic results are exceptional, and they do not feel obliged to look out for the students despite being conscious of the severity of the situations."

"That's right, Ai-san," Eli agreed, smiling weakly.

"Now just being here is makin' me feel like throwing up," Ranmaru spat in utter disgust, and this time, Camus did not make a single remark against him.

"A school isn't supposed to be like this at all," Reiji spoke, his tone heavy with sorrow, his grey eyes reflecting everyone's pain towards reality. "How could such a cruel place even be called one?"

"And they didn't change... they didn't even really try to..."

Eli lowered his eyes, his voice crumbling for a moment.

"Even when... the worst happened."

"The worst?" Ranmaru repeated in utter disbelief and anger as everyone stared at Eli in utter confusion. "So all that trash that you mentioned about this sorry-excuse-of-a-school still ain't the _worst_?"

Without saying another word, Eli nodded stiffly, not looking at any of them. Turning his back on all of them, he faced the elevator buttons and took in a shaky breath before letting it out. Soon, he held up an index finger and pressed the R button, causing its rim and letter to glow with a dark blue colour. The elevator then started to slowly move upwards, letting out a low rumble as all six of them stood inside with an unsettling silence hanging above them like a cloud that was holding back its rain of tears.

"... it happened on the rooftop of this building."

Eli's voice was strained with deep, unhealed agony, and he still did not look at any of them. But from where he was standing, Natsuki could see the same harrowing agony glimmering in the younger boy's amber eyes.

"It happened and yet... it didn't seem to matter even close to enough. It happened and yet they just... they just didn't care."

"What happened?" Reiji inquired gently, but Natsuki could see the deep worry in his best friend's grey eyes that only intensified as he was met with silence. "Eli-chan, this is scaring all of us. What happened up on that rooftop?"

"I didn't see it happen myself," Eli started, his soft voice quivering like a leaf in a storm, "but I saw the ending, and I... I never forgot it, no matter how much time has passed. I wasn't that close to her, but... she... she was bullied like I was and at one point, she broke down and didn't come back to class and we all tried looking for her and it turned out that she..."

The elevator made a sound, indicating that they had reached the rooftop. His body trembling uncontrollably, Eli slowly turned to face all of them, a tortured expression on his face as he took in a quivering breath and let it out, his hands clenched into fists of which the knuckles had turned white. One of his two fists was pressed against the Open button, forcing the doors to remain open as the cold wind tore through the air past their clothes. But it was what Eli said next that made Natsuki's heart freeze into ice.

"She let herself fall... from this rooftop to the front of the entrance doors."

Ranmaru Kurosaki

_"Oh how I have fallen."_

A statement that was as dramatic as it could be morbid and twisted depending on the context. A statement that spoke of how falling could be one of the worst things anyone could ever imagine to do whether it was their choice or not. How someone with a bright outlook on life had plunged into an abyss of shattered dreams and reality. How someone who had wished to bear wings pridefully behind their backs and soared up had taken a deep dive towards the cold ground never to rise again. How someone who had touched the lives of everyone around them with a warm smile had now broken all those lives down like a wave slamming through walls of stained glass by diving into desperate despair. The possibilities and the truth in them sickened Ranmaru to a degree that was as excruciating as it was cruel, sinister, apathetic.

And now here he was, standing at a height where the act of "falling" had taken place not just symbolically but _literally_ and ended in the most horrid and sickeningly worst way possible: _death_. The very thing that made him feel like he was being suffocated alive even as he stood with the people he was closest to and was out in the open rooftop where the ceiling above them was literally the sky itself. Eli's personal perspective on this so-called "school" had been more than enough reason for Ranmaru to throw into a blazing furnace whatever hope or respect he initially had in this educational institution, but the revelation that someone had given up their life at this very place heightened his already-smouldering emotions to a whole new sickening level.

Bullying was sickening enough. Bullying, shoving, tormenting, stalking, all that undeserved, ruthless rubbish that some twisted minds had the nerve to actually call "righteous" and "powerful" and "deserved"... It fueled rage and disgust inside Ranmaru to no end like coal thrown into flames, and those emotions were not at all tampered down by the fact that he had personally witnessed three out of his four closest friends suffer through such torment. That lowlife act made Ranmaru want to shriek at the top of his lungs at whoever had the guts to think that it was okay to go through with it, shove a flying fist at them, give them a piece of his freaking, freaking mind because of what such actions did to break people's hearts and souls. People had broken down and isolated themselves because of those horrid deeds. Cried until the tears were drained from every crevice of whatever soul they had left. Slammed their fists against the cold wall over and over again until the bruises were all swollen and blue and their hearts had gone numb. Bled and bled and freaking _bled_ until they were too exhausted to even let themselves see the red colour of it all. And then... and now...

There was death. Freaking, _freaking_ death.

He clenched his fists tightly as the elevator doors slowly slid to a heavy close behind him, noticing that his knuckles would soon turn white as they quivered with his boiling emotions that were a mix of anger, resentment and more than anything... _grief_. Even when they all had yet to hear the full story from Eli.

And the lowlifes who ran this freaking school still did not have the heart to even _care_ for their own?

"She was one grade above me and in the smartest class of her batch."

Eli's voice was small amidst the cold wind howling in the open space, but just hearing it was more than enough to drag Ranmaru from his resentful thoughts. Ranmaru shifted his eyes over to the teenage boy, who was staring at his front, there where laid a barren grey floor, silver metal railings and spots of dirt. Letting out a deep breath, Eli lowered his eyes to the ground and allowed himself a brief moment of silence before speaking again.

"Her name was Aika. Aika Ayumi. She was an aspiring artist and... we sometimes met in the library and worked on our respective arts together. She would draw while I composed. I didn't see her often, but... she's always been nice. She was sweet, kind and even let me look through her sketchbook if I was stumped or feeling upset about anything. There was even a time that we went to the cafeteria and got bubble tea together. It was just once, but we both... were really happy."

Eli's lips curved into a slight smile, but rather than happy, it was a smile of unspoken sorrow.

"But... she was almost never happy."

His voice wavered as he shook his head.

"During the few times I got to spend with her, I sometimes saw how her eyes didn't really shine, how blank her face was even as she did what she loved to do, how she shrunk in her chair when certain people passed by," Eli uttered, his voice nearly inaudible now. "I tried asking her if there was anything wrong, but she would always put on her best smile and say that she was okay. That she was happy. That she was just lost in her thoughts. And I didn't want to force it out of her and I knew I wasn't really the right person to ask her to either. But she... she had a best friend. Yuu. Or rather, Yuuto Sakai. And I could see from afar how close they were and I hoped that she at least told him, that he protected her. Yuu was my friend, guys, one of the closest friends I have here, and so I knew how kind and caring he was as a person and friend and believed that he would help her even if I couldn't. And it was Yuu who told me about what really went on in Aika's life. He told me... while crying... after she let herself fall that day."

He wiped at his eyes with the sleeve of his unbuttoned white jacket, clearly trying his hardest to not cry.

"It was a sunny afternoon. I was on my way back to class from the restroom when I ran into Yuu, who had been sprinting down the corridor. He asked me if I had seen Aika. Aika had not returned to their class ever since lunch break ended and she never skipped classes no matter what. He asked me to help look for her and I agreed. And so we ran around, looking for her on the third floor, then made our way down to the lower floors. The teachers that we ran into demanded that we went back to class, but Yuu refused on behalf of both of us, saying that this was unlike Aika. Soon we headed out of the entrance the six of us used earlier, knowing Aika was fond of fresh air and nature, and... t-that..."

A few tears rolled down Eli's cheeks as he shook his head, agony whirling inside his amber eyes.

"T-That's when... we... we s-saw her... on the ground... face-down... never saying anything back even as we... we called out to h-her."

An icy chill ran down Ranmaru's spine as Eli's voice wavered and cracked like broken waves in an unstable ocean. Beside Ranmaru, Reiji lowered his fedora with pain sheening in his grey eyes.

"Y-Yuu held her... whispering at first... but after a few calls of her name, h-he started screaming. Yelling. Shouting. A-All while crying with me. I called out to her with him... unable to believe that t-this was real... a-and y-yet... she w-wouldn't say a word. Her heart wasn't beating, she was b-bleeding, and... w-when the d-doctors l-looked a-at us later on..."

Eli shut his eyes, his voice as broken as it was tortured.

"I-It was l-like w-we were watching it all h-happen again... and s-still couldn't save her. S-She w-was bullied everywhere at this s-school... l-laughed at, stalked, scapegoated, shoved to the floor... S-She l-left a l-letter a-along with... a p-pink alstroemeria flower... the flower of... friendship... for Yuu talking about all that... and saying sorry... and yet... it was t-too late. S-She was g-gone, Y-Yuu... was never the same... and I..."

His voice shattered into a heart-wrenching sob.

"I c-continued to... watch th-those people... have their way a-all over again... and even laugh... as they did it, a-and... no one... w-wanted... to care a-about the fact that... she fell. She fell... and she... she... W-Why... Wh-Why couldn't I t-think up this anti-bullying w-week then... f-for her... and Yuu and-"

"Eli-kun..."

Natsuki crouched down in front of Eli and pulled him into a gentle hug, wrapping his arms around the crying boy as he whispered softly. "We're so, so sorry, Eli-kun... We're so sorry... But please... know that this isn't your fault. That their pain isn't because of you. If you want to cry, please let it out. It's okay. We're all here, Eli-kun." As Natsuki tightened his arms around Eli ever so slightly, Ranmaru could see the deep anguish flooding his green eyes behind his black-framed glasses before the blond idol closed them tightly. "We're all here, and none of us are leaving you. Not even for a second."

Eli let out a choked sob as Natsuki rubbed his back soothingly, tears dribbling down his cheeks.

"It's okay to cry, Eli-kun." His gentle voice was hushed. "It's okay. You're okay, and I'm sure Aika-kun is very proud of you for being who you are. I'm sure she's smiling as she is watching you from above, as she sees you and your warm, kind heart. You're more than okay, Eli-kun. I know that it isn't enough just saying it, but you are. You really are."

"N-Nat... Natsuki... san."

Slowly, Eli wrapped his arms around Natsuki's back and buried his face into the taller blond's shoulder, his tears drenching Natsuki's sleeve. His slim frame shook violently with quiet sobs as Ai quietly stepped closer to the two males and threaded his hand through Eli's pale blond hair in a gentle and delicate manner, his teal eyes wordlessly reflecting the little boy's sorrow. And watching as the two youngest out of the five idols consoled the tortured boy in their own ways, with an unspoken empathy that was needed now more than ever, Ranmaru, with a wrenched heart, saw how atrocious he was in these kinds of situations. How he never seemed to understand what to do like the rest of them. Well, sure, they were all definitely at a loss as to what they could say or do to truly mend a heart that had been broken by what couldn't be undone, but Ranmaru couldn't seem to grasp the concept of expressing empathy appropriately like the rest of them looked like they were able to naturally. Loss, grief, death... Things that no one would be able to get used to no matter how many times those things were slammed at their faces by cold, cruel reality... Things that Ranmaru was much more familiar with than anyone knew. Things that he had kept the memories of locked within himself, unseen, unheard, unnoticed.

And yet when he saw someone going through suffering caused by those exact same things before his very eyes, with different circumstances, different people, at a different place of which memories had been twisted by a single, gut-wrenching fall that shattered lives for eternity...

The image of an outstretched hand reaching towards another in sheer vain pierced through his mind like a blade through glass and he nearly flinched when he saw the other hand fall further away and down into oblivion as the sound of shattering accompanied it like a gunshot signalling a void of apathy.

... he... was still _useless_.

Deeply hoping that the thoughts spinning inside his head like a vortex were not betrayed by his eyes or any part of his body language, Ranmaru could feel his heart thumping all-too loudly in his chest as he tore his eyes away from Eli, Natsuki and Ai for a moment to face one of the two other people here on the balcony. If anyone else here not only understood but related to Eli right now more than the rest of them, by all means, it was too painfully and easily Reiji. Standing near Camus, whose eyes were closed in an unreadable yet understanding expression, Reiji was silently staring at the crying, grieving boy, his body barely moving to the point that it was near unsettling, much stiffer than he normally was, his hands limp by his sides. But that look... The look in his eyes was...

_"And the second... was to reawaken Aine, who... turned out... had tried to drown himself in the sea. The sea that we used to go to together. And I know that that's... that's... because of me."_

It was the look like he was seeing something broken shatter all over again before his very eyes, unfolding like a deck of shredded cards, haunting him all over again.

There was nothing to say. He was not going to ask about Aine or curse those two morons - Kei and Hibiki - who had blamed Reiji and told him to freaking die. He was not going to say words like "I understand" and "I get it". Words that he actually meant more than everyone here knew, words that he did not want anyone asking him about later on. And he was definitely not gonna make breathing at this height more unbearable than it already was - he was not gonna make it worse for anyone here, including himself. But there was not nothing that he could do. Wordlessly, with clenched fists, he stiffly stepped closer to where Camus and Reiji were standing and stopped when he was right next to the latter, their arms just a small gap apart. He wasn't sure what exactly he was trying to do, but maybe it just all came down to expressing that he meant the words "I get it" without them actually hearing it. Even with how ridiculous it may sound if one thought about it. Within a few stiff moments, Ranmaru felt movement beside him and he slowly shifted his eyes to Reiji, who was facing him with a pained and yet concerned expression.

Wait.

Why was _he_ the one concerned?

"Ran-Ran?"

Reiji's voice was barely audible, even though Ranmaru was standing right next to him. Even though all that Reiji said aloud was his nickname, Ranmaru could hear what the older, perceptive idol was _not_ spelling out, and it was the last thing he expected or wanted to hear now of all times: _Are you okay?_ Why was Ranmaru being the one asked that now? And of all the people who could have asked him that, it was the one whom they, with the exception of Eli, all knew had bore the burden of being blamed for his own best friend's disappearance. But even with that, as the question lingered in the cold air between them, Ranmaru suddenly felt like his vitality and breath had all been drained away from him like weak flames being painstalkingly dragged into cold crevices where no one could see them burn. What was wrong with him? What was wrong with this whole freaking mess? He was just trying to be there for Reiji without messing up and now Ranmaru was the one worrying him?

Not knowing what else to say and suddenly just wanting to pretend like this never happened, Ranmaru merely gave the fedora-wearing brunet the dismissive shake of his head and kept his eyes fixated on Eli, who gently pulled away from Natsuki, his cheeks stained with tears. "I'll be okay... Natsuki-san, Ai-san... Thank you." The little boy did his best to smile, which formed a weak, sad smile, and looked up at Camus, Reiji and Ranmaru as well. "Thank you... for coming... and being here... guys." No one made as much as a sound when Reiji wordlessly approached Eli and pulled him into a hug that was tight and filled with unspoken feelings. Although stunned just like the rest of them were, Eli soon reciprocated the hug, holding onto the back of Reiji's jacket with his eyes shut. From where he was standing, Ranmaru could see Reiji's body tremble a few times as he held the boy, and from the painful understanding in Ai and Natsuki's eyes, he knew that they had noticed it too. Before he realized it, Ranmaru was standing behind Reiji and had placed a hand on his trembling back, not saying a word, not making a sound.

_Don't ask._

In his mind, he saw the hands slipping away from one another again, falling away and apart no matter how much one strained to reach for the other that had given up on being seen. And even though he had not intended to, he had gripped the back of Reiji's shirt a little, like it was going to reassure himself of something he himself even had no clue as to what it was.

_Don't ask me what I'm doing, what I'm trying to do, why I'm doing it. Just please... don't ask._

...

After exploring the sorry-excuse-of-a-school a little while longer, they had gone to their favourite cafe to buy milk tea to bring home. Taiki, one of Natsuki's friends there, noticed Eli's difference in mood and after asking if he was okay, told them that Eli's drink was on him. The five of them all promised Eli that they would do all they could to make the anti-bullying week a success before dropping him off at his house, with Natsuki and Reiji giving him one last tight hug, and heading back to the apartment. Ranmaru knew that after that whole revelation of that so-called "school", no one had a mind clear enough to work on the anti-bullying week project just yet and that was more than acceptable. After an eerily-silent car ride, they all got into the apartment and Ranmaru was about to plop down onto his red sofa when Natsuki suddenly pulled Reiji into a tight hug, which shocked the latter but he returned with a slight smile. The blond then went on to hug Ai, then Camus, and when he reached Ranmaru, Natsuki gave him a pained smile and wrapped his arms around him before he could protest.

A pained smile that showed that Natsuki, too, was worried about him.

_What the-_

His thoughts were cut off by another pair of arms hugging him from behind, as well as the gentle squeeze on his shoulder. Reiji... and Ai too? What on freaking earth was going on? When they all released him, Ranmaru stepped backwards and turned to Camus, expecting him to be confused out of his mind as well. But no. Definitely no. That pompous baron was looking at him as well and with narrowed eyes that barely concealed concern. Concern that he had no idea for what reason it was even there. Staring at all four of his flatmates like they were not making any sense, Ranmaru opened his mouth to voice out his thoughts, only to be stopped by Ai.

"This has affected you more than you realize."

"Wha-" Ranmaru's jaw slackened. "What are you talking about, Ai? I-"

"This is exactly what Mikaze is referring to," Camus cut in, crossing his arms over his chest. "I suggest that all of us take the morning off and clear our minds before we start formulating ideas for the event. We can all tell that you especially need it, Kurosaki."

"Can't y'all see that I'm fine-" Ranmaru was starting to become exasperated.

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, Maru-chan-senpai," Natsuki assured him softly, smiling faintly despite the worry glimmering in his kind green eyes. "But we just want you to know that we want you to be okay. That we know you're hurt and want to be here for you."

"So if you need to have some space to yourself," Reiji finished, "Ai-Ai can join Nattsun and me in our bedroom for the time being. But just holler if you need anythin' from anyone of us, alright, Ran-Ran?"

What on actual earth were they all getting at? If anything, he was just as affected by the circumstances as any other human being with a decent heart and mind was. So why was he being singled out as the one being by far the most affected when they all clearly were, especially Reiji and Natsuki? He was really tempted to argue back, but most of him was way too exhausted to deal with this. So heaving out an irritated sigh, he rubbed the left side of his temple and nodded stiffly.

"Fine." He let out a groan as he slumped onto his sofa. "I really have no idea why you think I'm in need of bein' looked out for at the moment, but I'll take you up on the offer. I'm in no mood to have conversations or anythin' of that sort for the moment, to be real honest."

"Got it, Ran-Ran!" Reiji's voice brightened, but it wasn't as cheerful as usual. "So Ai-Ai will be comin' with us then. We'll meet you guys out here later then!"

"Yeah."

Ranmaru grunted as everyone took their leave, with Camus walking in the direction of his room and Reiji pulling Ai and Natsuki by the hands. He really hadn't meant to get all irritated at them, but them worrying over him for reasons he himself didn't get really puzzled him to no end. Was he okay? No, but neither was the rest of them. When he heard both doors shut, he let out another heavy sigh and threw his quilt over his own body and laid on his left side, not caring how much of a mess his sleeping space was.

It took him only a minute to fall asleep. But even though he loved sleeping and was even known for his ability to sleep just about everywhere, this time, he soon found himself wishing he did not. For the moment his mind turned black...

He saw those two hands again. The ones slipping further and further away from each other. And the outstretched hand, the one that was straining to reach someone about to disappear from its grasp...

It was _his_.

His and no one else's.

Gasping, his eyes flew open, but he was no longer in the living room area that he shared with Ai during bedtime. He was standing on a solid platform. Above ground level. High, high, _high_ above ground level. The gales were howling vehemently like wolves that were hunting after prey that had severely wounded them, a sign of fear and desperation clawing against surges of hopelessness and strength. His rough black jacket billowed in the merciless, unending wind as he found himself staring past silver metal railings and down at a bustling metropolis beyond glass windows, concrete and bricks, at clusters of dots and colours that he was too high up to make out. He had no idea as to what he was freaking doing or why he was here, but for some unknown reason, he could feel currents of fear threatening to snap him alive as much as it was trying to shut him down. He was scared. He was _petrified_. And it was not because of the height at which he was standing; he had no fear of heights.

So then what-

Tap.

He froze. A footstep. He spun around to face his left and his heart nearly jutted out of his chest. "Reiji!" he shouted at the top of his lungs before the thoughts even registered properly in his mind. The eldest member of QUARTET NIGHT, the clown-like, cheerful brunet who was much, much smarter and careful than nearly everyone gave him credit for, was stepping up onto the thin metal railing, his eyes nearly devoid of any emotion, his lips pursed into a grim line, his cheeks holding onto remnants of tears. Ranmaru could hardly believe what he was seeing as he shrieked out to the brunet, his friend. "Reiji, what are you freaking doing?"

Taking in a shaky breath, Reiji stood on the railing, his body facing the open space that led down to a bustling, apathetic metropolis of people and lights, and slowly turned his head to face Ranmaru, a weak smile playing on his lips. "Ran-Ran." The nickname that Reiji had given him out of adoration held none of its usual mirth and was instead, filled with sheer sorrow and remorse. "I can't do this anymore. I don't deserve to live. They were all right. I'm so sorry. They were all right about me."

Gritting his teeth, Ranmaru sprinted as fast as he could as his heart screamed along with his voice, demanding for Reiji to stop. The hands were flashing in his head again, about to slip away from each other one last time, unable to be touch ever again, unable to be seen with warmth. And in the distance, the glass was shattering again. And he could feel the heights, the world, shattering below him as he tried to prevent the fall of one of the only people that mattered to him in this broken, broken world.

"Don't do it, Reiji!" Ranmaru screamed, not caring how much his voice cracked. "Don't you dare do this on me! And Natsuki, Ai, Camus, Eli... Don't you dare leave us all behind!"

But even as he forced himself to run faster, the brunet tilted his fedora down and smiled as tears rolled down his cheeks. And as the glass shattered, as Reiji refused to look at Ranmaru any longer, the words that he had said to Natsuki on the Ferris Wheel many nights ago, with his words and tears blurring even those blinding lights, reverberated inside Ranmaru's head like a cold mantra.

_"It's... okay... if you hate me..."_

"Love you... Ran-Ran."

"No!"

Screaming, Ranmaru lunged forward as Reiji stepped down into empty air, his heart collapsing and tearing apart like a tower made out of paper in flames. He thrusted his hand forward, desperately praying that he could grab onto Reiji's and pull him back, but even as he stretched it out with all his strength, he was too slow. His hand could only brush against Reiji's right one before he lost all contact and was left with only touching the cold air and the brunet dove down from the building like a fallen angel and the shattering amplified all around him like a broken symphony. "Reiji!" His hand remained like that, outstretched and useless, as he stared down in unspeakable horror and disbelief, his heart threatening to break apart, his body quivering uncontrollably, chills running down his spine, shadows plaguing his broken mind. "Reiji... Reiji..." He repeated the name, softly, brokenly, uselessly, his throat dry and raw and throbbing, his body slumping forward as his other hand grasped onto the railing, unable to believe that this was happening. That he had failed to stop Reiji. That Reiji had gone ahead and fallen never to smile again. This... This couldn't be. His friend- No, his dear freaking friend... no matter how many times he had denied it at his face in front of everyone... He... He just...

Warmth was building up at the back of his eyes, only for it to start boiling over into something unbearably hot.

He just went right ahead and freaking _died_.

"Just like my father..." Ranmaru muttered to himself, grasping the railing even tighter as he felt his life drain away like blood into the gutter, "just like my father who had been betrayed and overworked himself to the point that he stopped breathing and left all of us behind... Except that that was not his freaking choice. You had a choice, you had all of us, and yet you... you..."

Squeezing his eyes shut, Ranmaru gritted his teeth before letting out a piercing scream.

"You just went ahead and let yourself _die_? How could you, Reiji? After what all of us have been through together, how could you just throw it all away like it's nothing? How? After we all told you how we really felt, after you promised Natsuki that you wouldn't want to die... How... How could you be so cruel... when all you've ever been was kind...?"

His voice cracked audibly.

"H-How... How could you just _leave_?" he shrieked.

He felt his knees sink onto the cold ground as the shattering reached the platform. The tiles were all breaking apart like they had been made of glass all along, reality unfolding itself like cards, the sirens of ambulances wailing uncontrollably as the shattering pierced through the air. As he knelt there and everything broke apart beneath and around him, his two hands limply holding onto the cold railing, he could see in his mind his father's cobblestone, his grave, the funeral. He had left behind not only an enormous debt due to the collapsed Kurosaki conglomerate, but also a family that could never really be called one. A wife and daughter who were never really close to Ranmaru. Who did not make any effort to be. Who did not protest even once when Ranmaru decided to shoulder the weight all alone. Who were never there when Ranmaru dealt with the loan sharks demanding for the payments, when he was at his weakest, when all he wanted to do was sleep and never wake up. And a son who had to grow up on his own and get by on his own. Who bore the pieces that he had left behind not as a heir, but as someone trying to sort out the mess that he had failed to end. Who had erased his own childhood like it never existed in the first place.

Who now... had just witnessed yet another person leave his closest people behind and this time... out of choice. Out of the choice his father did not have.

And it all boiled over and blazed as he screamed more and more, as broken as it was useless, as burning as it was aching, at this height made out of glass that was meant to be shattered and heard.

_"Oh how I have fallen."_

It was now... when it was more twisted than it had ever been.

"Stop..." Ranmaru mumbled under his breath and he felt it all burn and rise like a smoldering, suffocating fire that came from the hollowest part of him, and he did not freaking care. "Stop it already... Stop..."

With a burning and bleeding heart, he dug his nails onto the metal railings and at the top of his burning lungs, he screamed.

"Stop messing with my head already!"

"Ran-Ran!"

Suddenly, two hands were grasping onto his shoulders, shaking him, and his eyes snapped open, his heart pulsating beyond restraint, his throat aching, burning and raw. And before he could register what was freaking going on, he found himself staring at a pair of grey eyes that were widened in sheer shock and hurt.

And he gaped.

Reiji.

Blinking in shock, it took a moment to realize that this was reality. Not at a glassy height, but in the living room of the shared apartment where he had just been napping and- Wait. If Reiji was staring at him like that and had been trying to wake him up, that meant that- He spun around and found Natsuki, Ai and Camus present as well, standing around the red sofa, their eyes directly on him, and he could feel his own T-shirt drenched in his sweat. What... What did he-

"Ran-Ran. Please talk to us."

Reiji sat by his side and took him by the arm, giving him a gentle squeeze.

"Are you really okay? What happened?"

_"For some reason I was spitting out worthless words_

_It left me feeling empty inside"_

\- "Only One", by Ranmaru Kurosaki (Tatsuhisa Suzuki)


	38. District of Flames

Ranmaru Kurosaki

"Why are you always happy?"

It was more than a year ago. Ranmaru hadn't meant to say the words out loud. Or that rudely. Or that angrily with that harsh tone. Or with a voice too loud to be considered an irritated mumble or mutter. And especially not right at the face of the person who had been standing near the sofa on which he laid, grinning and laughing as he shook those incessant green maracas of his while trying to get the rest of them to join in the "fun". He and the rest of QUARTET NIGHT had been resting up in the greenroom after the video shooting of a drama that they would all star in when Reiji tried to enlighten the mood and Ranmaru, at one point, let those words slip from his tongue.

And immediately, the shaking of the maracas halted like they had been frozen and for some reason, he felt a cold yet foreign aura overtake the formerly-light atmosphere. His eyes slowly widened as he turned to face the person that he had accidentally said those words to, Reiji, who was motionless in place, even as Camus lifted his gaze from his book and Ai looked up from his laptop. Reiji was staring at him with an expression that was as unreadable as it was strange and somewhat disturbing considering his normally, annoyingly-flamboyant exterior. Ranmaru had half the mind to expect Reiji to come up with some nonsensical blabber about this being the way he was, but then the brunet spoke.

"Err, Ran-Ran..." Reiji chuckled awkwardly, rubbing his chin with his index finger, "whaddya mean by that?"

Ranmaru figured that he had to say something to get Reiji to shut up about this, so he shrugged and replied. "'Cause you're always like this. Laughing like a madman, playin' pranks on all of us, joking around and smiling like the world's all bright and green, always tryin' to lift the mood and make sure we're all happy... I mean... don't you ever get tired of it?" Almost as soon as he said the last statement, regret fell upon him, so he tried to rephrase it. "I mean, you look as though it's all permanent. That happiness."

Honestly, Ranmaru felt like the most useless trash at wording at that very moment. Why did he have to be such a blabbermouth and let his words spill out into the open in the freaking first place? But he could not help but stare when he saw the look on Reiji's face. His grey eyes were averted to one side, away from all three of them in the greenroom, his precious green maracas hanging limply from his hands' loose grip. With his maroon fedora overshadowing his face a bit, his grey eyes were somehow... darker. Serious. Sad. Like this conversation had stripped away whatever mirth or humour or glee that had initially shone in those eyes, and Ranmaru really wished he had not been that big of a moron to say all that stuff at Reiji's face. But at the same time, Ranmaru really did not understand what on freaking earth was going on. He hadn't been trying to offend Reiji, so why was Reiji acting like this to the point that it was real unsettling? That was when Reiji lifted his face back up to look straight at Ranmaru and much to the silver-haired rocker's shock, the brunet beamed, a bright smile spreading across his lips, and he shook the maracas a few times and spoke.

"Don't worry 'bout good 'o Rei-chan bein' unhappy."

Reiji shook the maracas even more times, each shake more vigorous and vibrant than the last, and let out a few laughs.

"I'm merely a young, vibrant man tryin' to hold onto some happiness here. But then again, aren't we all?"

Camus then scoffed and remarked that Reiji was not that young, causing the brunet to whine as he protested that he was not old even though he was older than the rest of them. Ai joined in and agreed with Camus' statement and Ranmaru threw in his own snide remark, and Reiji cried out that they were all ganging up against him. From there, Ranmaru didn't think much about that brief exchange. If Reiji could revert back to his happy, annoying self in the snap of fingers, there was nothing to worry about, right? Things were all just peachy, right?

No.

No.

Freaking, _freaking_ no.

It was only when Ranmaru had been more exposed to how the brightest people could be the most broken of them all - courtesy of two living examples who were Natsuki and Reiji himself - that reality plunged him into cold, cold water that burned his former, naive, ludicrous self. Reiji had completely avoided answering the question head-on then. He had responded with an assurance that he did not believe in himself. He had looked Ranmaru in the eye and lied not with his answer, but with that huge, bright smile on his face and each and every shake of those blasted maracas and all those whines and laughs that came afterwards. Ranmaru should have seen it from the way his fedora overshadowed his eyes, the sadness that he had masked behind those flashy smiles, that moment of silence that had even grabbed Camus and Ai's attention. And much, much later than that time he asked that insensitive, ridiculous question, Ranmaru saw before his very eyes from the CCTV footage running live on a laptop that same cheerful brunet sitting in one of the passenger cars of that blinding Ferris Wheel, his fedora off and gone, his body trembling, all masks gone only to reveal a broken soul of tears and a belief that he did not deserve happiness.

_"I'm merely a young, vibrant man tryin' to hold onto some happiness here."_

And it had twisted that statement that had sounded all light and joking back then, making the thought of it being purely happy as laughable as it made Ranmaru nearly despise his own apathetic self for asking that ridiculous question in the first place.

But now here they were in the present, staring at each other, with Reiji's hand gently holding onto his arm and Ranmaru's chest heaving up and down unsteadily and Natsuki, Ai and Camus standing with them. Just after Ranmaru had dreamt of seeing Reiji willingly step down to his death and being unable to save him.

 _Ran-Ran. Please talk to us_ , Reiji had said. _Are you really okay? What happened?_

Those words that he did not want to comply to. Those questions that he did not want to answer. It was bad enough that all of them were seeing him in this awful, dishevelled state; his hair all over the place, his breaths ragged with an unsteady chest and heart, his shoulders trembling, his face looking anything but okay. That they were seeing him this _weak_ , vulnerable, even, when that was the last thing that he ever wanted to appear in front of anyone and everyone. God, could this get any freaking worse? What was he supposed to freaking say now? That he just had a dream of Reiji freaking dying on the whole lot of them and Eli? Without so much as a thought, he gritted his teeth and abruptly forced himself up despite the protests of his body, and in an instant, Reiji and Natsuki were supporting him, their gentle yet protective hands wordlessly urging him to not force himself.

"Ran-Ran."

That same concerned voice again, coming from the person who was the best at feigning happiness while hiding sorrow for everyone's sake. As his muscles throbbed with his disoriented head, Ranmaru saw a cup of tea being held out to him. He shifted his eyes over to Camus, whose ice-blue eyes were as serious as his voice that quietly told him, "Here. Drink this, Kurosaki." Taking in a deep breath that was more shaky than he ever wanted it to be, Ranmaru took the teacup from Camus and grunted softly, hoping the count got the message. But even as the warmth from the teacup reached his fingers, he could feel the weight of everyone's stares on him. Looking around, Ranmaru heaved out a heavy sigh and gave them a slight shake of his head.

"It was just a nightmare," he said dismissively. "Nothing I can't handle."

"No, it wasn't," Ai disagreed, his eyes narrowed when Ranmaru spun around to face him.

"What are you-"

"You were screaming, Ran-Ran," Reiji interrupted, nearly exclaiming the words as he stared at Ranmaru in utter disbelief. "We all heard it. Nattsun, Ai-Ai and I had been in the kitchen making tea while Myu-chan had been in his room when you were suddenly screaming and yelling over and over again. And you kept doing just that even when we all called out to you and tried to wake you up."

"I told you," Ranmaru was getting vexed now, scratching his dishevelled hair, "it was _just_ a-"

"But even as we're talking now, you don't look okay, Maru-chan-senpai," Natsuki spoke softly, his green eyes filled with hurt. "You're not okay, and we want you to know that it's okay not to be."

"And you guys are okay?" Ranmaru fired back, looking each and every single one of them in the eye, clenching his fist. "I don't believe that for a freaking second. But for some reason that even I myself don't get when I'm supposed to know me better than anyone else, the whole lot of you think that I'm the most affected by what happened back there in that rubbish school when clearly all of us are!"

"Ranmaru-"

"Look. I just had a moment of weakness, okay?" Ranmaru hated the feel of that word coming out of his mouth, especially in a confession about his own self. But how else was he supposed to get his point across? "Like we all do. Like I've seen you guys all had. But I'm _fine_. I'll get over it. That rooftop confession, that nightmare I just had, all of it. I mean it when I said I can handle it, and I don't know what else to say or do to make you lot believe it. I know that I ain't the best at getting what I feel across, but know that I ain't lyin' to any of you now."

He shook his head again and kept his gaze down at the teacup in his hands, his eyes burning holes there.

"So let's just drop it here and now and move on, alright?" His voice was quieter and for some reason, it felt like he was almost pleading them, almost desperate. " _Please_."

His words were met with cold silence. Refusing to look at anyone, Ranmaru shook himself off Natsuki and Reiji's hold and mumbled that he was going to take a long, cold shower. Not giving anyone the chance to protest, he got up from the couch, suppressing the low groan in his throat due to the aching of his body, and half-staggered towards the bathroom, his mind overwhelmed with thoughts that he did not want to think about, his hands balled into fists with knuckles that would soon turn white from how heard he was clenching them. And even as he shut the door much harder than he intended to,

He could still hear his screams from inside.

His raw, burning screams.

Reiji Kotobuki

"He adamantly refuses to admit it."

"That," Reiji spoke quietly, "and the fact that he's more hurt than he understands and wants to know. I think it also hurts admitting it to himself, Myu-chan, Nattsun, Ai-Ai. And if he's struggling to admit it to even himself..."

He lowered his eyes.

"... what are the odds that he'll talk to us?"

He shifted his eyes over to the untouched cup of Darjeeling tea on the glass table and let out a heavy sigh. No matter how much Ranmaru denied and did not understand it, they all had seen it. The sharp decrease in eye contact, the occasional gritting of his teeth and narrowing of his eyes, tight with pain, anger and frustration, how much more absent-minded he had been ever since Eli told them about his friends Aika and Yuuto. Reiji knew that something was going on with Ranmaru the moment he felt the latter move to stand closer to him, their arms barely having space between them, his presence strangely assuring him "I'm here" in a way that words did not need to be spoken out loud. Slightly puzzled, Reiji had turned to Ranmaru and from the hurt glimmering in his normally-tough heterochromatic eyes, mixed in with other emotions that only amplified that hurt, Reiji knew that his close friend was not just sympathizing or empathizing with Eli.

Ranmaru was tortured on the inside, by an old wound opened up from learning about Eli's past. And he'd bled without realizing how much he was bleeding himself, to the point that his blood-curdling screams of terror and brokenness had pierced and riddled through the entire apartment like sharpened bullets, a cruel sign of how much suffering he was not confessing to anyone out loud. Not even them. Not even himself.

"Not that I have any room to talk."

Reiji let out a weak chuckle.

"After all, I hid my painful past behind layers and layers of smiles that piled over, believing that it was deserving of being hated by all of you. That you would hate me for it. But even so... Ran-Ran's bottling it all up inside of him. We all know that. And if you bottle so much pain and memories and suffering up, there will come a time when it all comes breaking through you like a flood through glass, overwhelming you, sometimes... destroying you."

His heart squeezed painfully in his chest.

"Even if he does not want to talk to us about it, let's at least make sure it doesn't break him apart... alright?"

From where they were, he could hear the muffled sounds of the shower, the sprinkling and roaring of the torrents of water behind a locked door. Ranmaru had mentioned that he was going to take a cold, long shower, and Reiji knew that he had really meant it when he used the word "long". Turning to the wooden door that had been shut inadvertently too loudly by their friend, Reiji thought of how showers were meant not only for one to get clean, but to be rejuvenated. And it was not just a sense of refreshing yourself after a long, tiring day that one had to drag themselves through, but a deep, cold wash of _relief_ , like a burden or weight had been lifted from your bruised soul. Relief that the ordeal was over. Relief that you were alone and alright and unharmed and got everything done right. Not that Reiji believed most of it back when he was still hiding behind his smiles of lies, especially the part that he did everything, let alone _anything_ , right.

Now Reiji wondered what was going through Ranmaru's head as he stood under the cold shower with no one to speak to or distract him from his pain. Of all of them, he was the most alike to fire, flames. With his passion, hot temper, soulful voice and way of life, he was a living fire that did not make the sky shine, but burned it alive. But at the same time, he was burning on the inside, and that was what worried all of them. Was he screaming on the inside like he had before he was jolted awake from his nightmare? Was the cold, cold water doing anything to relieve him, to tone down the flames burning him on the inside? Was he, at least, admitting his genuine struggles to himself, even if he refused to talk to them about it at all costs? An arm pulled Reiji into a gentle, warm half-hug and he slowly turned to Natsuki, who softly broke the silence with a quiet voice.

"When Maru-chan-senpai joins us again later, maybe we can shift his attention to something other than what is hurting him inside," Natsuki suggested softly, his eyes lowered. "We can all chat, play, watch something, go out or maybe even work on the project if it'll help him not think about what is hurting him. Anything that will cheer Maru-chan-senpai up at least a little bit, because that is better than letting him keep thinking about it and causing his emotions to become too much for him to bear."

"If Ranmaru is reluctant and unwilling to vent his pain and frustrations out, I do not see a more effective alternative than creating a diversion," Ai remarked, letting out a quiet sigh. "Both Natsuki and Reiji are right. There is no other option in this particular scenario."

"Now we can only hope these prove to be at least an iota effective," Camus finished, although his eyes were grim. "And believe that that hooligan rocker is right when he says that he can handle it. Or at least, that that fact has at least a smidgen of truth in it."

"At least he knows that he's not alone, right?" Natsuki asked softly, giving them a weak smile.

Reiji let out an equally-weak chuckle, but his heart was a little lighter now. This was their inimitable, colourful group, alright. Their very own group with five unorthodox members. There was Camus, who was subtle but not that subtle in expressing his concerns and worries towards each and every member of the group. There was Ai, who analyzed and carefully considered each and every idea and possibility that would help the group in any kind of situation. There was Natsuki, who always tried his best to find a spot of sunshine to give every single one of them in even the bleakest of situations. There was Reiji, who tried his best to protect each and every one of them using his past experiences as the eldest, even if he failed himself more times than he could even count. And of course, last but not least...

There was Ranmaru, who, while not the gentlest at expressing his feelings, had always shown the true colours of his heart through his actions and words, whether he was aware of it or not. And now as he struggled and burned, the rest of them were all here to help him pull himself together whether he asked them to or not. Giving the three people with him a faint smile, Reiji nodded and hugged Natsuki back, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"He does." His voice was a near mutter. "That's why he didn't lie and say that he didn't feel any pain. Because he knows that we understand and are with him all the way even if he doesn't tell us to be, Nattsun."

He looked down and smiled weakly.

"Even if he thinks he's being weak when that's not it at all."

Natsuki Shinomiya

For the rest of the day, no one mentioned Ranmaru's nightmare. The very first thing they had done after Ranmaru had taken a shower was ask if he was feeling better without referring to the conversation that they all had had before he went to the bathroom. He had merely grunted and said that he could be better, and that was enough for now; at least he was not trying to lie to any of them. And then they had all sat in the living room and upon Ranmaru's suggestion, started discussing what they could do for the anti-bullying week project. As wrecked as his state of mind was, Ranmaru had told them, he wanted to invest his energy into something useful and he earnestly wanted to do all that he could for Eli and every other kid who had been affected by bullying.

 _If this is us takin' one step closer to making sure that what happened to that girl never happens again_ , Ranmaru had said, his eyes tight with relics of pain and resentment towards the school, _then I'm all down on doing this right here and now. We all deserve to live and are entitled to an equal opportunity to that, no matter who we are and who they freaking think we are._

Over cups of tea and later, hot chocolate, everyone had contributed ideas that were taken note of on a shared word document, and seeing that they had a week to finish everything, they decided to work on more than one activity and merge everything as a collective project, which was an idea suggested by Ai, with all of it revolving around the theme of bullying. One of the aspects that they wanted to focus on was suggested by Ranmaru, which was "The 'e' in the word 'life' is empathy." Camus and Ai had nodded and Reiji and Natsuki had smiled when they heard Ranmaru say that; it was beautiful and kind of Ranmaru to suggest that sincere statement. And while working on the project, they all had enjoyed themselves, playing and chatting in between, and even managed to get Ranmaru to smile and grin at times, all of which had made the day even brighter than before.

When nighttime fell, however, Natsuki found himself unable to fall asleep. Just before bedtime, he had been texting with Eli and watching a romance-comedy anime with Reiji and Ai, but while Reiji had fallen asleep right next to him, Natsuki could not no matter how many times and how long he shut his eyes. He had been hugging his Piyo-chan plushie in his arms, his mind trying to concentrate on one of the lullabies that his mom used to sing for him during his childhood, but somehow it was painfully hard to slip into dreamland tonight. Sighing quietly, Natsuki carefully pulled himself up into sleeping position, not wanting his best friend to wake up because of him, and took ahold of the empty teapot on the bedside table. Maybe some lavender tea would help him fall asleep; he especially needed it tonight.

With his right hand holding the teapot by the handle, Natsuki quietly walked out of the bedroom, but not without glancing at Reiji's peaceful, sleeping form a few times. _Sleep tight and sweet dreams, Rei-chan-senpai._ Smiling softly, Natsuki slipped through the partially-open door and shut it gently behind him, wanting his senpai to have as much rest as he could. He headed towards the kitchen and was passing the living room area when a voice spoke out of the blue.

"You still awake, Natsuki?"

Natsuki let out a quiet gasp of surprise. He spun around to face Ranmaru, who was sitting languidly on his red sofa, one arm sprawled over the backrest, his heterochromatic eyes tired but alert. "Maru-chan-senpai. I was going to the kitchen to fix some lavender tea. Do you want some?"

Ranmaru gave him a brief nod. "No prob with me." Natsuki smiled and was about to walk again when the older male spoke again. "When you're done makin' it, come sit here for awhile. I don't mind havin' company now."

Natsuki's eyes widened in mild surprise at those words, not expecting them to come from Ranmaru now of all times, especially after all that they had been through today. But Natsuki could feel his heart warm up on the inside and he smiled gently at the kind offer.

"Yep, Maru-chan-senpai. I'll be back in less than ten minutes."

...

They sat beside each other on the red sofa, with a teapot of piping hot lavender tea and two empty teacups on the glass table. On the centre of the glass table was the glass jar of emotions that the group had given Ai about a week ago, its translucent, coloured stars glistening under the dim fluorescent lamps. Natsuki took the teapot by the handle and carefully poured tea into one of the teacups and gave that teacup to Ranmaru, who accepted it with a mumble of "thanks". Natsuki then poured tea into his own teacup and took a quiet sip of it, relishing in the calm warmth it brought to his mind and body. He turned to Ranmaru and couldn't help but think if the tea was soothing him at least a little. And in his mind, he wondered why Ranmaru was awake as well. Was he thinking on his own? Was he having trouble sleeping? Natsuki was about to ask, but Ranmaru spoke first.

"I'm not gonna lie. That nightmare was the worst I've had in years."

Ranmaru confided, his voice nearly inaudible, almost shameful. Natsuki's eyes widened in pain, but he quietly nodded and Ranmaru took it as a sign that he could continue.

"To imagine what happened to that girl Aika, how Eli and Yuuto felt, to think of how messed up that school is, I just... I guess it dug up stuff that I hated to think 'bout, ya get what I mean, Natsuki?" Ranmaru released a deep breath, his expression hard, his eyes averted away from Natsuki's. "And I hate it. Feeling like this. Knowing it all happened. It made me think of a lot, especially 'bout my failures, shortcomings, mistakes, things I hate and hated about myself, 'bout how I'm considered some professional in idol work and yet am nowhere near one when it comes to life..."

His fingers curled around his teacup even tighter.

"And I thought of all you lot. Ai, Camus, Reiji and you. Of all the last things I wanted to see happen to you all. Of all the things I've failed in when it came to you lot."

"Maru-chan-senpai-" Natsuki started, but his eyes widened when the sliver-haired rocker held up one hand, stopping him from saying anything else. And Natsuki stopped, complying with what his close friend wanted. Ranmaru was still not looking at him, but the look in his heterochromatic eyes had softened. But as soft as it looked now compared to before, the look on his face, in his eyes, was... agonized. Tortured. Like glass on the verge or breaking but not quite there. Like flames near bursting through but only caused shivers with each spark that appeared before everyone's eyes. It was only after a few fleeing moments that felt like time being dragged forward passed by when Ranmaru finally turned to face Natsuki and looked directly into his eyes, his stare as serious as it was unfaltering.

"Don't mistake this as me not trusting you." His voice was even but quiet. "Or as me being inconfident. Or insecure. Or unsure. And especially, _weak_. Even as pathetic and maybe ridiculous as this is gonna sound, but..."

He reached out and clamped a hand on Natsuki's shoulder, his heterochromatic eyes smouldering with emotion.

"You really mean it, right?" he asked, softly, slowly. "When you promised Reiji and the rest of us that you would not feel like you had to hide anythin' from us. 'Cause Natsuki, you have no freaking clue how shocked and scared to death I was when you told us about those days you hid those bruises and the fact that you'd been beaten. And when I asked you 'bout self-harm right after, I was honestly terrified out of my mind 'cause if you said 'yes' and we hadn't noticed a thing, then I... oh God. That'd freakin' _hurt_ more than anythin', Natsuki, 'cause you ain't just anyone to us, ya know, and the fact that you already suffered so much on your own and we didn't know is just..."

He trailed off, but recovered by taking in a long, sharp breath and letting it go.

"I'm only gonna say this once, but... I'd have no freaking clue what I'd do without any of you. Meaning that I don't care if it's some special day or anyone's birthday or whatever it freaking is; if somethin' - anything - happened, don't keep it within ya just to make us happy. Because that ain't more important than you are to us. You know that."

He gritted his teeth, but not in anger. Instead, it was in pain. Sheer, excruciating pain. As he tightened his grip on Natsuki's shoulder and kept his eyes on him.

"I've lost everything once. I don't wanna lose everything again."

Natsuki could feel his heart squeeze in his chest, as painfully as deeply it did, as the memories of the day before flooded through his head like broken, unsteady waves. He remembered all of it, from Ranmaru, Ai and Camus staring at Natsuki and Reiji when they gave those unexpected suggestions about the script to the conversation that had taken place at this same coffee table right after. He remembered the way Ranmaru had gritted his teeth in agony and even hesitated, when he had always been an extremely direct person, before asking him if he had done any self-harming in his life. _No..._ Natsuki had told them the truth, shaking his head. _But by letting them be... I was hurting myself, wasn't I?_ Ai had also asked a question, which was whether Natsuki had hidden such bruises or physical injuries during the time that they had known him, and the truth was no as well, which was what he told them too. But just as Natsuki was about to ask Reiji about the "I want to die" dialogue that the brunet had suggested, Ranmaru got up from where he had been sitting and pulled Natsuki into a hug.

 _Don't ever hide anything like that again_ , Ranmaru had muttered under his breath, giving Natsuki a hard pat on the back as he tightened his arms around him. _Especially not with the fact that we're all right here. Don't let yourself suffer alone, Natsuki. You don't and shouldn't. Same goes for you, Reiji. You both had better not keep these kinds of stuff to yourselves.It'll only hurt everyone in the end, and none of us would ever want that. So even if it's hard, be sure that you two bear in mind that no one here is lettin' anyone suffer alone, got it?_

Ranmaru had even let Natsuki hug him back this time, even though the silver-haired male almost always protested when it came to being hugged. And after Reiji had explained the background behind the dialogue that he had suggested, Ranmaru had clamped a hand over the fedora on the brunet's head and lifted it up in to the air and placed his free hand on his shoulder. _We live for one another_ , Ranmaru had told him with a serious tone. _All of us. You understand that better now, right? This fedora here's for wearin' as a hat, not as a mask. Thoughts like those will only eat ya alive if you bury them within ya. So don't ya go pretendin' right in our faces ever again, for your own sake._ Ranmaru had reassured and advised both Natsuki and Reiji without any restraint, the look in his eyes as sharp and focused as it was sincere. And now, past ten at night, sitting in the living room with Ai fast asleep directly across from them, Ranmaru was asking Natsuki for reassurance, wanting and needing him to mean it when he said it. It was extremely uncommon for Ranmaru to bear out his true feelings that openly, but he had, and right now...

It broke Natsuki's heart seeing Ranmaru that vulnerable and tortured. And him outwardly saying that he had once lost everything and did not want to lose everything again, with that voice that was normally loud and burning with passion and determination sounding almost fragile with those emotions, made Natsuki wish all the more that he could shroud the senpai in a blanket of warmth and light and sunshine that could truly mend his suffering, that he could take every single doubt and ounce of pain away right there and then. But... that was not how life worked. That was not how the heart was. Yet... Natsuki could still, at least, do what he could. Looking straight into Ranmaru's eyes and the agonized expression within them, Natsuki let out a trembling breath and spoke in a whisper that was as resolute and earnest as it could possibly be.

"I meant and mean it, Maru-chan-senpai. Every single word and bit of emotion there."

He smiled slightly and gave his shoulder a tight squeeze.

"Thank you for telling me all that you said. And for being kind. And for meaning every single word and emotion and looking out for all of us and caring as much as you do. You won't lose us. You won't lose any of us. And it's okay to tell us if you need us to say it and show it to you, Maru-chan-senpai. We all need that, and it's not a sign of weakness or a lack of confidence or anything like that."

He looked deeply into Ranmaru's eyes, his tone even and quiet.

"It's a beating proof that you have an earnest, caring heart."

When Natsuki finished, a deep silence seeped through the commonplace that served as Ranmaru and Ai's shared bedroom. Natsuki and Ranmaru sat on the red sofa, neither of them breaking eye contact, the latter's eyes unreadable and yet filled with a myriad of emotions, the former's heart wavering with each passing second. _Did I... say something wrong...?_ He was starting to worry that he said something that accidentally hurt Ranmaru when the silver-haired rocker looked away, his eyes now fixated on his empty lap. That was when Ranmaru spoke up, his mutter piercing through the unsettling quietness of the room.

"An earnest, caring heart... huh?"

Natsuki's eyes widened slightly, but he nodded quietly. "Yep."

"That's an answer no one else would actually say, especially aloud."

"E-Eto..."

"Thanks."

Ranmaru faced Natsuki again, and his lips cracked a slight grin.

"Thanks for not judging me. It makes me feel kinda better 'bout speaking about stuff like this out loud, ya know what I mean? Considering I'm the worst at this kind of thing."

Natsuki let out a sigh of relief and chuckled. "I'm sure you're not the worst. You're not actually bad at it, Maru-chan-senpai."

Ranmaru snorted. "Yeah right. Say that to Camus. I'd like to hear him agree with what ya just said."

Natsuki chuckled again. "Maru-chan-senpai knows Myu-chan-senpai really well!"

"W-Wha- _That's_ what you got from this?"

"Yeap!"

"And that's exactly what you should _not_ talk to that ice prick about."

"Ehh? Why not? And Maru-chan-senpai, do you call Myu-chan-senpai with those nicknames so that you would match as tight buddies?"

"Oh my God! This ain't a nickname! And we certainly _ain't_ tryin' to match!"

Ranmaru kept on half-protesting-half-whispering as a smiling Natsuki recounted all their precious memories together, which included the time that the duo napped together while Reiji was driving, which the brunet had told Natsuki about. "That was just a freaking coincidence! And I'm so _killing_ Reiji for spreading this around!" But Ranmaru was enjoying himself even more now, and that made Natsuki much happier than before. Over cups of lavender tea, the two of them chatted with each other until the tea had made the both of them drowsy enough to go back to bed.

"Time to call it a night before Reiji, by some miracle, steps out and calls us out on havin' some rendezvous," Ranmaru said jokingly as Natsuki walked towards his and Reiji's shared bedroom. With a slight grin, Ranmaru held up a hand and waved. "Night, Natsuki."

Natsuki smiled softly. "Goodnight, Maru-chan-senpai. Sweet dreams."

"Same back at ya."

Natsuki slipped into the bedroom and was about to close the door when he took one last peek through the opening at Ranmaru. The silver-haired male was positioning himself on the sofa, laying down with his quilt barely covering his lower body. Wishing that the senpai had wonderful dreams and a peaceful rest, Natsuki smiled a little and shut the door as quietly as he could, not wanting to disrupt anyone's sleep. He then made his way towards his side of the bed, sat by the edge, and held his Piyo-chan plushie in his arms, looking down at the soft doll.

That was when a tiny, warm tear rolled down his right cheek, slowly and painfully, like the words and emotions that had come from Ranmaru earlier.

"I don't know what Maru-chan-senpai meant by 'everything' when he said that he lost everything once, but..."

Natsuki sniffled a little, tightening his arms around his precious plushie as he thought of his beloved senpai.

"No matter what that 'everything' is or was... seeing Maru-chan-senpai like this hurts so much, too much... even if he knows that he isn't alone."

_We all have lost things at different points in our lives. Rei-chan-senpai lost his best friend who tried to drown himself and two other friends who hate him now. Ai-chan, at times, lost his confidence to believe in what he was feeling and that he was enough, Myu-chan-senpai lost the touch of his homeland, from which he has been far away from for so long. And I lost memories that hurt and warm me on the inside and the happiness from playing the violin amongst other things. And Maru-chan-senpai..._

He closed his eyes.

_What did he lose... that broke him so much...?_

Ranmaru Kurosaki

"... Ai. What do you think are you doing?"

"I am merely conducting a casual observation, Ranmaru. It is a rare opportunity to witness you looking after felines in person, so I would like to make use of it as efficiently as possible."

"Don't you know it's freaking unnerving when you're staring at me like that?" Ranmaru half-exclaimed-half-hissed as a white kitten nuzzled its head against the back of his hand, his face burning in utter embarrassment, staring at the teal-haired boy sitting calmly on the bench behind him. "And I don't even wanna know what you're typin' over there, but you'd better not go and tell Reiji, Natsuki and the ice prick about this!"

"I do not see any problem in doing such a thing," he remarked, typing on his laptop. "In fact, I am 100% certain Reiji and Natsuki would be especially glad to hear about my findings."

"Ai!"

Ai simply tilted his head to one side innocently as Ranmaru facepalmed. It was a Wednesday afternoon. Along with the anti-bullying week project that they were working on, the five of them had had quite the hefty amount of idol work to do from morning until late evening for the past three days. Ranmaru and Ai had just done an interview at a radio station and were now taking a break together in a park where they were sure they would not be recognized and swarmed by paparazzi or any irritating people of that sort; he was not sure he would be able to shut his mouth and keep it together if they intruded in his personal space this time.

Under the shade of red and orange autumn trees that barely shielded them from the warm daylight, Ranmaru and Ai had been chatting about the interview and other things when three stray kittens suddenly approached Ranmaru, the little ones' eyes wide and pitiful and all sorts of things that made his heart melt almost instantly. And well aware that Ai could tell how much affection Ranmaru had for cats, he felt more and more embarrassed with each passing moment and yet could not bring himself to ignore the little ones.

So there went his pride, chucked out of the invisible freaking window.

 _God._ His face reddened even more as he felt his pride slip away even more. _Blame the cats for being so freaking cute._

Crouching on the ground, Ranmaru did his best to hold back a smile as he gently caressed the top of a brown kitten's head, trying not to let his softer side for cats show when Ai was watching - not a single person in his group, especially Reiji, would let this live down and Ranmaru might as well be digging his grave if he gave them the ammunition to tease him about it. _Grave-_ He nearly flinched as he quickly dismissed the thought, not wanting to be derailed by his horrid nightmares and memories again, as well as Ai asking if he was okay. He was going to get over it. He had to get over it. And he really, really did not want Ai, Reiji, Natsuki and Camus being concerned over him when there was no need for it. Not that Ranmaru did not appreciate it, but he was going to be fine. He was fine. He just had his moments of weakness, just like they all did. As though sensing his trepidation, the black kitten of the trio let out a soft meow and Ranmaru smiled slightly and let out a chuckle, patting its head a few times.

To their credit, however, the four of them never pushed him to talk to them. All that he had said, including that night when he had that private conversation with Natsuki, was never forced, not even a little, and he was thankful for it. And yet, even though Ranmaru would never tell them this, the pain was trapped in his heart. The thoughts that ambushed him in daytime, the nightmares that assaulted him at night, his outstretched hand failing to reach the hand of someone he cared about that was slipping away... all those feelings were like a cluster in his heart, a kind of baggage that he dragged with him every single day even though he did not ask for it. And he hated it. So, so freaking much. Why wouldn't it all just leave? What did those horrible feelings want from him? Why had he been like this?

Ranmaru lowered his eyes as his hand stopped and rested on top of the white kitten's head, his heart clenching in his chest.

_Why am I being so freaking inconsistent? Saying and believing that I'll get over it and yet still feeling like this? What... What did I-_

"You don't understand! It's not okay and it's not going to be okay!"

"Lai... c-calm down. Just take a deep breath and we can-"

"Shut up! You think you can understand? You think you know what I'm feeling right now?"

"Laito, please-"

"Stop!"

The scream chilled Ranmaru to the bone and he nearly flinched as the kittens dispersed and scampered away from him, the felines clearly scared by what they were hearing. His eyes dilated, Ranmaru got up and spun around to face the sidewalk bordering the park area and found a teenage boy with short black hair that was all over the place backing away from two other boys, one who could not be any older than Eli. The raven-haired boy, Laito, was trembling violently, his eyes nearly bulging out as tears streamed down his pallid skin, his hands balled into fists, his screams piercing through the air like knives as the two other boys begged him to calm down and hear them out.

"We can talk to our parents, the principal, anyone it takes to get our classmates to stop hurting you. Just please... please don't believe that you aren't worth anything to us or to anyone. You're our brother and best friend! So please don't think that it's not going to be okay when you have us-"

"That's easy for you to say when you were not the one who nearly drowned in that cold pool!" Laito yelled, his eyes burning with tears, his voice as piercing as it was broken. "Or the one who was always scapegoated by the bullies in class, or the one hit with a wooden ruler by his own form teacher!"

"Lai, we're sorry-"

"You have no idea how that feels like, do you, Hinata, Ryu?" he shrieked.

 _You don't know what it's like!_ Reiji's voice from the acting out of the part that they had all come up with for their main unit project struck Ranmaru's head like a knife and immediately, he felt an ominous feeling cloud his heart and he found himself briskly heading in the boys' directions, his acute sense of dread taking over.

_Oh God, this can't be-_

"It'll never be okay," Laito repeated, his voice softer now, his lips curling into a broken smile as he took another few steps back. He looked at his friends and let out a sob. "I have wished for it to be so, believe me. But... it just can't, and I'm only making things harder for everyone."

Out of the corner of his eye, a red car came to view on the length of the concrete road. At the same time, Laito gave them a sorrowful smile and shook his head.

"So as my family, let me leave for you now... _please_."

"Laito-"

However, just as his name was called, Laito turned his head around and sprinted from the sidewalk and onto the road, ignoring the cries of horror from his brothers. His eyes dilating in sheer terror, Ranmaru gritted his teeth and broke into a desperate run. "Don't do it! Don't-" But his shout died in his throat the moment Laito threw himself into the middle of the road just when the red car was about to drive by, and his heart was ripped apart into shreds like wings.

"No!"

Ranmaru did not know whose shout was louder - his or the boy's two brothers' - but what he knew was that he heard with his own ears the collision of the car against the broken boy's body, the ear-splitting screeches of the brakes, and the thud of a body onto the hard concrete. He saw how the boy had intentionally dove in the way of the incoming vehicle despite the cries of his loved ones and how his body was thrown into the air by the cold impact and landed heavily and limply on the ground, silent and unmoving. The two brothers had ran to the middle of the road and were now crying out to the boy and holding him in his arms, pleading him to stay with them as the driver of the car rushed out and called the ambulance. And all Ranmaru could do was stand at the edge of the sidewalk and stare in indescribable, unspeakable terror as the boy named Laito laid sideways and sprawled on the concrete, crimson blood seeping from open wounds that had been torn through the fabric of his clothes and his pallid skin, his eyes staring at his side with a cold, empty void, the remains of tears lingering on his cheeks.

 _W-What..._ he uttered in his head, his breathing suddenly unsteady and shallow, _what on earth just... what did I just... and he and them and- Is he alive?_ _Is his heart still beating?_ _Are the doctors gonna be able to save him?_ _Oh God... Oh God, please tell me his heart's still beatin', that they didn't lose him, that they ain't gonna freaking lose him._

"The ambulance will be here in three minutes-"

"He doesn't have three minutes! He won't stop bleeding and he won't respond to us!"

"Lai! Wake up, Lai! Wake up!"

_But if not..._

As the chaos engulfed the area more and more like the cries of an unkindness of ravens, as more and more people approached the scene to find out what was freaking going on when they were going to freaking do nothing to help and instead just satisfy their own selfish curiosity, Ranmaru felt a sickening, old agony twist through his insides like a bloody shard of glass, and memories of a particular cobblestone and a younger version of himself standing in front of it flashed inside his head, followed by the broken memoria of nightmares that he wished he could tear away from his recollection, ensued by people that had slipped away never to come back and of the cruel images of the people that he had falling apart and away, leaving him useless, leaving him alone.

_If that kid does not make it, if his heart really ain't beatin' anymore... then that's the last thing... that he's done for and to the people he cared about the most...?_

The recollection of glass heights being shattered apart as his outstretched hand proved to be useless burned through his mind like a fire, bright, alight, and demanding to be felt, demanding to hurt, and... it did, all-too deeply, and while it hurt... Ranmaru felt the emotions slowly morphing into a storm as he stared at the crowding people obscuring his view of the shattered boys and the bleeding one.

_So the last thing he did... is throw himself in the way of a moving car to die for them... throwing his life away when all it does is make them burn and bleed? How... How could he just-_

"... ru... Ranmaru. Ranmaru!"

Ranmaru was jolted out of his head at the sound of a calm yet concerned voice. He swivelled his head around to face Ai, whose expression matched the tone of his voice, and saw that the teal-haired male's hand was on his shoulder. He could already see the question _Are you okay?_ in that pair of eyes and he really did not wanna freaking answer right now, or ever, for that matter. So he dismissively pulled away from Ai and gestured with one hand towards the direction to where his car had been parked.

"We gotta go now. Can't be late knowin' that the ice prick, Natsuki and Reiji won't be."

Ranmaru avoided meeting Ai's eyes as he turned his back on his friend and started walking towards the car, away from the broken catastrophe, away from the shouts and screams and cries, and unfortunately, with his own screams still threatening to burn him alive.

"And before you ask me if I'm okay," he muttered just loud enough for himself and Ai to hear, "I ain't. But I'll pull it together, like I said I would before."

But even as he said it, Ranmaru could not really convince himself that it was true. No, wrong. "Really" was obsolete here when it meant that he did somewhat believe in those words when in reality... he did and could not at all. Not even a freaking little. Not even the slightest freaking bit, even if he was desperate to try and believe it, which would have been him trying to fool himself. Even if he was that willing to be disillusioned by hypocritical lies.

Even if... that might have made it even a little less painful.

Especially with his outstretched hand disappearing into the darkness of his mind with the unacknowledged, worthless last-ditch yell that had been an effort to save a stranger who heard it and yet let himself be run into right in front of his brothers. And he could feel it. Even though he had no relation to that kid, even though he did not know anyone directly involved in that catastrophe...

He was burning all over, and he had no freaking clue when the flames would die down, let alone when this pain would end and how to end it, and as he suffered, the screams echoed with each and every flash of fire, every burn, every shatter...

... and every hand that had let go of his own and made him bleed alone.

Ai Mikaze

_Death._

_Defined as "the end of the life of a person or organism."_

_The moment when a heart has permanently stopped beating, when its owner's eyes would not open even a little or emit even a shred of light, when the warmth would not amplify to be felt any longer, when the voice disappears into the wind that can no longer carry it through the sky. The end of not only a chapter, but an inimitable story, and not an ending that brought genuine smiles majority of the time but instead, grief, anguish, hollowness, tears..._

Ai quietly forced himself to look up from the laptop screen, uncertain as to whether there was any method to communicate these news and alleviate the anguished, cruel impact that was bound to accompany it, the thorns of a dying flower, a crack in a broken whisper.

_Not only to the one whose heart has stopped beating, but to the ones for whom that heart has remained alive for, as well as the people around them who have earnestly cared._

"Is there any news about the kid?"

The inevitable question came in a low mutter originating from Ranmaru, whose eyes were downcast, fixated nearly harshly on the cup of black coffee in his hands, his voice nearly empty. The atmosphere had been all but serene and light-hearted ever since the two of them met up with Reiji, Natsuki and Camus on the set where they were to do their photo shoot for the concept photos of their main unit project's second segment, as well as its first round of filming. Tamaki, their photographer, would be about an hour late due to an emergency, so the five of them had gone to the nearest cafe to wait for him and there, Ai had explained the situation to Camus, Reiji and Natsuki, whose emotions had ranged amidst shock, terror, anguish and agony. Camus looked up from his novel and Reiji and Natsuki turned to Ai, who decided that there was no other option in this situation, that hiding the fact would only worsen matters in the near future. Thus, Ai looked around and nodded slightly, starting what would be an agonizing conversation.

"Yes, the report was just uploaded on the Internet."

Slowly, Ranmaru looked up from the ground and faced Ai, his heterochromatic eyes almost empty if not for the silent yet painful wish that it had not come down to what none of them wanted, what they did not want more than anything. Knowing that it would only be more excruciating the longer he allowed this tension to hang in this unsettling atmosphere, Ai gave Ranmaru a serious yet pained expression and spoke softly.

"Laito Nakamura passed away in the ambulance on the journey to the hospital."

Ranmaru stiffened and Ai felt guilt twinging in his chest along with unspoken condolences.

"I'm sorry."

Ranmaru turned away to stare down at his right side, a flicker of pain in his heterochromatic eyes. His fingers slowly curled into fists as his teeth were gritted tightly, and his shoulders trembled with emotion, as though the calm composure that he had been straining to maintain ever since the two of them left the park was painstakingly unravelling itself like a house of cards to reveal something earnestly broken and excruciating that he had been holding back and yet was still trying to restrain from reaching the surface. He cursed softly, almost faintly, and Ai noticed that Reiji, Natsuki and Camus were all looking at Ranmaru with deep pain and concern in their eyes, despite it being more subtle in the Permafrost count's eyes. Within less than a minute, Ranmaru got up from his chair and turned his back on everyone as he walked towards the door, his steps quieter and slower than usual, his body unsettlingly frigid.

"I'll be back before the shoot starts," was all Ranmaru uttered before leaving with the door swinging shut near lifelessly behind him. It was a painfully ironic situation. Ranmaru was the one who burned with passion in each and every live, leaving trails of flames that ignited everyone's hearts regardless of anything, and yet when he left, all that remained was a cold silence that was near excruciating, perhaps lifeless. Ai mentally replayed the moment that Ranmaru had broken into a run and shouted for the now-deceased boy to not do what he had been about to, only for it to be proven ineffective in the coldest method possible the moment he allowed his own body to be sent flying by the incoming car. Ranmaru had realized what Laito had been attempting to do much quicker than Ai had, and yet it had not been enough, as grievous as it was.

_And "not enough" disappeared like a fragile blue into moonlight, into the cold truth known as "too late", into "gone", into the inability to say a heard goodbye in "farewell"... causing everything to fall and submerge into grief._

And Ai could never forget the look in Ranmaru's dilated eyes, the expression that indicated cold, painful emotions blazing and scalding him on the inside, even if he knew that it was not his fault, even though the teenager had not been someone he personally knew, let alone was close to him.

_Grief... is cruel._

"I highly doubt that Kurosaki will pull himself together by the time our photographer arrives, even by the slightest bit."

Camus frowned deeply, setting down his cup of rose milk tea.

"And it will not do any of us, especially him, any good if he coerces himself to proceed with this photo shoot and video shooting at such a critical condition."

"But Ran-Ran still wants to do this," Reiji reminded Camus, his voice as quiet as it laced with hurt. "And Ran-Ran would be really, really mad if we just postponed this without his consent, and none of us wanna give him any more pain to bear than he already is struggling to handle as of now."

"At least the themes of both the photo shoot and video include pain, right?" Natsuki said softly, his green eyes reflecting the sorrow in his gentle voice. "So the staff will not accuse Maru-chan-senpai of anything if his hidden emotions accidentally come to light during the shoot when things... are already so painful and difficult for him."

"Yep." Reiji nodded, smiling painfully. "At least there's that."

"At least," Camus repeated with a subtle understanding.

"At least," Ai agreed as Natsuki nodded quietly with a weak smile.

_Even as cold as grief is... it is burning Ranmaru on the inside with each passing moment._

Ai lowered his eyes to his glass of iced lavender milk tea, noting how the minuscule ice cubes floated irregularly throughout the liquid and yet was bound to melt away in that same place, disappearing like they were not even there like a shadow into fire. The fire that Ranmaru was, the fire that alighted passion and yet caused pain.

_And it is chaining him... to the inability to say goodbye._

Ranmaru Kurosaki

Red.

His theme colour. To be more specific, crimson red.

The colour of fire. Power. Passion. Importance.

Of things that did not just brighten, but ignite souls and burn even the darkest of skies, flashing, overpowering, demanding to be seen and seared into memory. The deepest, darkest colour amongst all the theme colours of his five-man group, especially in contrast with Camus' cold ice-blue and Natsuki's vivid yellow. But none of that was what Ranmaru saw in his head now as the colour red appeared.

He saw blood.

War. Anger. Rage.

The fire that did not alight, but burned wounds onto skin and hearts, into bones, searing the soul with hot, excruciating tears that did not heal the agony and grief of disappearances and death. And right now, as he slumped back into the backrest of his red sofa, his heart was in the centre of his very own cold war where everything burned into ashes over and over again. Thank God the video shooting got postponed by Tamaki at the last minute and all he and the others had to do was do the photo shoot for their main unit project, which was a black-and-white photo shoot evoking the emotions of their respective characters, and Ranmaru's character, like all the others', was anything but happy or optimistic, so the freaking storm in his heart had no issue blending into character. But as Tamaki clicked the camera and Reiji, Natsuki, Ai and Camus watched over him, Ranmaru's head had been trapped in a vortex of flames that burned more and more with each snap and compliment from the photographer.

In his mind, he had seen images that he wished would stop burning through him. He saw Reiji stepping down from that glass height before it all shattered apart in that nightmare. He saw the way Natsuki had unrolled his sleeves to reveal invisible scars that were a broken preference to his past as an isolated teenager. He saw the tears in Eli's face as he told them how he and Yuuto had been the ones to find their friend's body in front of that sorry-excuse-of-a-school's entrance. He saw the now-deceased 15-year-old Laito bleeding on the concrete ground after allowing himself to be collided into by an incoming car. He saw Laito's two brothers shouting and crying. He could not imagine their grief when they found out that their brother's heart stopped beating. He did not want to imagine it. He did not want to find out.

And he saw himself bleeding because of each and every single one of those things. Bleeding and burning alone with that deep, dark red that was his colour and yet was torturing him and ripping him apart. And one by one, he remembered all the details that had made his emotions burn more and more with each moment that slipped by far too easily like the hands that his outstretched one had failed to grasp. His shout that was not at all enough to stop the kid from killing himself, his resentment towards all the grief that had been caused in his life and all around him, how sickening and twisted and messed up people were, how much people scorned at the "e" in life that was empathy, how people tortured and hurt one another and justified it like they were freaking saints, how that vicious cycle never ended no matter how many people threw themselves over the ledge, no matter how many tears had fallen.

Tightening his grip on his cellphone, which displayed the group's plan for the anti-bullying week project, Ranmaru knew that he hated it. Every single part of it. With a burning resentment. He had done all he could to remain professional at work, to do his freaking job right, to not snap each time a random member of the staff asked if he was okay when he was in no mood to entertain that question, but even now, it was still burning, even more so than before, and he had no freaking clue until when he would be sane enough to keep it in his chest, away from work, away from all that had no freaking business with it.

_I hate this. I hate it all._

He gritted his teeth.

_I hate how this is torturing me and I can't end it on my own._

"Ranmaru, we do not have to work on this now."

Ranmaru snapped his head up to look at Ai, whose teal eyes were concerned.

"We are all finished with our mandatory work for the day. I highly suggest that you take the time you have now to rest instead of forcing yourself when you are clearly in a painful state."

"No way," Ranmaru declined immediately, shooting Ai a serious look. He looked around and saw Camus, Reiji and Natsuki listening as well and narrowed his eyes. "I won't have y'all cancelling this just 'cause I ain't in my best form. I refuse to hold us all back just 'cause I am too slow in pullin' my freaking self together."

"Ran-Ran," Reiji was clearly worried, "you're not holding anyone b-"

"I am if we call it a day now because of this," Ranmaru cut in.

"That's not-"

"Let's just do it now." Ranmaru got up from the sofa, clenching his fists. "One round. At least one round. Normally we go further than that but since it's clear that we all ain't in agreement on this, the best we can do now is compromise, right? And don't y'all try and purposely mess up just so that we can end this faster."

"Maru-chan-senpai-" Natsuki started.

"I ain't open to any other freaking negotiations." Ranmaru's tone was hard.

"Very well." Camus, surprisingly, was the first one who agreed, and not in a mocking or condescending tone. However, his eyes were not smiling. "If complying with this compromise will finally get you and your obstinate mind to rejuvenate yourself of this tumultuous day, so be it. Perhaps this will help you channel your emotions into something beneficial considering that we are doing impromptu acting in this particular case."

"Yeap," Reiji agreed as Natsuki and Ai nodded quietly, although his voice was still concerned. "One round and we're done for today. And we all promise that we ain't pullin' any punches."

"You'd better," Ranmaru warned. "'Cause I can tell the freaking difference."

Reiji let out a small chuckle, although it lacked his usual humour.

"We know."

And so all of them immediately got into position. Even though Ranmaru's head was in anything but the right places amidst the flames and the chaos, his memory was still intact. Natsuki would start by reading out the prologue that he had come up with, which was edited by the rest of them, and then the scenes would unfold and they would make up most of the dialogue on spot. But for this session, as the prologue was to be done separately from the actual story, Natsuki would not read it now and they would just go straight to the impromptu acting. In this video, the five of them played a group of best friends that had been affected by bullying either directly or indirectly or both. Ranmaru was the hot-tempered friend who wanted nothing more than to shove his fists in those lowlifes' faces; Reiji was the current victim who had taken painful, cruel blows each and every day at their school; Ai was the friend who felt guilty towards not ever really knowing what to do in these situations; Natsuki was the former victim at his previous school who hid his scars while trying to save Reiji from the same pain; and Camus was the calculating friend who was the first to suggest taking drastic measures to end the bullying once and for all.

_The first thing we got straight was that no one wanted to play the bully. No one, and there were literally no negotiations open for this. No one wanted to play the role of someone who throws insults and punches to innocent people just to make their pathetic selves feel better, who laughs as blood flows out of wounds and tears run down faces, who says rubbish like 'I hope you die' and 'You deserve to be hurt by us' like oh-so-righteous morons, who do not understand what it means to be kind, to be human, even after a girl let herself fall from a freaking rooftop._

Standing next to Ai, Ranmaru looked around at how the group had spread out in the commonplace and soon, Ai started the countdown to begin. "3..."

_Even after she did all that... far too easily..._

"2..."

_And just gave up on life... like that kid Laito, like countless other cases I do not even wanna bother searchin' up, and that..._

"1."

 _That's just downright_ cruel _._ Ranmaru inwardly gritted his teeth as his heart clenched in his chest. _You don't just_ give up _. Not when you have a freaking choice. A choice that not everyone gets to freaking have and make. Not when you still have a chance at the happiness you deserve. And especially not when..._

"Now."

_Not when you have people who would do freaking anything to look out for you. And yet-_

"Stay away from me."

Reiji's cold voice snapped Ranmaru out of his flurry of burning thoughts like a flash through the darkness. Ranmaru quickly swivelled around and saw Reiji backing away from everyone, tilting his fedora down as he gritted his teeth, a dark, hostile look in his grey eyes.

"You all betrayed me. You all went right ahead and took this upon yourselves when I told you not to!" he yelled, his voice cracking audibly. "Did you think it would all be okay if you settled it all like that? Did you think we would all be just fine when they're all still here and would never stop coming after me?"

"Kotobuki." Camus' tone was calm but cold as Natsuki and Ai stared at Reiji in sheer hurt. "Standing idly by when one of us is being harassed is something that neither of us will ever stand for. Now imagine if it were one of us instead of you. Would y-"

"It's _never_ one of you!" Reiji exclaimed, clenching his fists, and at that moment, Ranmaru felt anger spike up in his heart like a fire being ignited on a matchstick. Something was stirring in him and making him feel utterly sick. "And it'll never be one of you if I'm here! If I'm the one they keep telling to die, laughing at, shoving around, beaten up even in front of the teachers here! Or are they doing it because..."

Reiji hung his head as his voice grew quieter, but not in a way that reassured them. Instead, it was in a way that displayed a sense of cold resignation, defeat, surrender. His eyes fell to a close and the images of Laito landing heavily on the concrete ground, his wounds bleeding with a deep crimson, his skin pallid, his eyes devoid of their natural light, seared through his Ranmaru's head along with those words that he resented more than anything. "You don't know what it is like", which was often merely used as a weak excuse to shut yourself away from those who tried to reach out to you. "It'll never be okay", one of the last strings of words that that kid had uttered before being crashed into by a car, words that showed someone who had decided to throw their life away. All those last words that only made the heartache even worse, that would make something that would never heal bleed even more. And even the mere fact that Reiji's character was pausing right now in cold silence was making him burn even more, and Ranmaru couldn't let it out. He couldn't scream or shriek or pour all the flames out and it...

It tortured Ranmaru each breath he took.

All of it made Ranmaru want to yell and scream and let it all out and he was sickened by how much people did not understand, how much they hurt and hurt until it was too, too late, how much they threw away and broke apart what mattered far too easily. All of it - the thoughts, emotions and things that he could not seem to lessen the pain of - was driving him over the edge into freaking overdrive and he did not know how much more he could take as it was burning him. Freaking. Alive. And now...

_"Father... I want you to come back."_

Red. He was seeing red. The colour he was burning in. And black, the colour of the clothes people had worn to the funeral. And white, the colour of innocence that almost never lasted forever. And grey, the colour of that cold, cold cobblestone engraved with the name of someone who was never coming back. And all of it was dissolving as they burned, as he tried to hold back, and suddenly, Reiji's voice came again, quiet and hollow:

"Because... they are right."

_No._

"Because I am not worth their kindness, or anyone's, for that matter."

_Stop._

"Because it is due time..."

_Reiji, don't you finish that-_

"That I just disappear."

_"I want to die."_

"Shut up already!"

In a flash, Ranmaru had shoved Reiji against the nearest wall, his hands gripping the front of the brunet's white shirt, his head and heart pounding uncontrollably like unstable drums and cymbals, anger burning and boiling within him like the flames and lava that had been restrained for so long and were only now breaking out of their cages, glaring into his grey eyes. And before he knew it, before the rational part of him that had been burying itself away deeper and deeper in himself could stop him from doing anything further, everything just went spiralling out of control and he gritted his teeth.

"Enough with that trash..." he uttered, his tone low but burning with rage. "Enough with even a single freaking thought that you are to just disappear and die on anyone, including us. That's just despicable. Freaking, freaking cruel and despicable. How could you just freaking throw your life away so easily, huh?" He was yelling now, the images running rampart as they shattered in his head. "How could anyone just give up and throw their lives away so easily when that's not what life is for? How could they just let themselves fall off some rooftop of ledge, let themselves be run over, let themselves just die when their lives had barely even freaking begun? How could they... how could they when... when..."

His hands tightened their grip on the fabric of the shirt he had grabbed as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Ranmaru-"

"When they had the freaking choice when he _didn't_?" he shouted, his voice breaking.

He suddenly felt something hot well up at the back of his eyes as his heart accelerated like a car with broken brakes.

"My father worked and worked to repay the debts brought upon him after being betrayed by lowlifes that he freaking trusted," Ranmaru went on without missing a beat, his tone escalating as he felt his breathing turn shallow. "And it all ended one day when his heart freaking stopped during another round of overworking for our sakes. For my sake. And I didn't even have the chance to say a single goodbye. No one did. Not even my mother or sister, both who loved him so much too. He did not die by choice and yet... every single freaking day, people are doing so by choice, whether it is because they think they do not deserve to live or are told that by other people or whatever freaking reason stuck in their heads. But that ain't freaking justified like they all think it is!"

He was breaking more and more with each word that came out of his mouth, with each memory that flashed across his head like wildfire that burned near uselessly, for they would never be able to rekindle a dead soul.

"And if they die... then what? Will the bullying end? Will it just be transferred to someone else? Will the pain just be even more than before? And the guilt? The terror? The weight that people have to shoulder for the remainder of the time they breathe and suffer and burn? The people they left behind, the people who did anything to look out for them... what about them...? They die and those people... they are left behind just like that. Broken, unable to be helped, torn apart by loss and grief and anger and sorrow... when it did not have to freaking, freaking be like that."

Something hot was running down his face now as his voice softened and cracked like those glass heights in that broken dream, a lump stuck in his throat.

"Life is for us to live _and_ struggle in, not for us to let ourselves freaking _die_. It hurts, it burns and it makes us throw up and scream and cry, but that's freaking life and all we can do is survive and make the most of it. If you want a freaking example, I've got some for ya. One of my friends struggles with his best friend's suicide each and every day and yet still chose to breathe in this cruel, messed-up society. One hid bruises behind his sleeves and warm smiles and yet chose to be kind to every single person whose life he touches. One thought he would never be enough and yet kept going for the people he cared about. One saw all of us suffer and yet did what he could for us even if subtle most of the time. And one freaking found the dead body of his friend and chose to hold an anti-bullying week to try and change the world at least a little bit, which is more than what it actually deserves. So don't say that a painful life can't be freaking be lived when here we all freaking _are_. It ain't fair or right to just throw everything away when there are plenty of other options. When you can still smile. When you can still breathe with an open heart and look out for others like they look out for you. 'Cause I can't take it anymore seeing people just give up when all it does is make everything burn even more, when it only breaks and burns in flames and tears... 'Cause even after all this time, all these freaking years..."

The tears streamed down his face as he opened his eyes a little, a sob clawing out of his throat.

"... I've burned all alone," he confessed quietly, "and no one understands what they have to, no one, just no one. And I... I just-"

His hands were gently pulled off the fabric that he had been gripping and before he realized what was going on, Ranmaru found himself wrapped in a tight hug, a pair of arms securely around his lower back, tight and consoling at once. And slowly, he came to realize what he had gone right ahead and done without even thinking. All those thoughts, words and emotions that had been ablaze this whole time... He had just let it all come burning through, bearing his broken soul out, and all of them - Reiji, Ai, Natsuki and Camus - had heard every word. Suddenly hyperaware of himself and how much he was shaking, Ranmaru tried to pull away, only for Reiji to tighten the hug and for a pair of arms that were definitely Natsuki's to encircle him from behind. And he couldn't bring himself to wrench himself out of their hold as the tears kept falling and his heartbeat throbbed painfully, and yet he could not begin to imagine how on freaking earth they were processing all this and how much he freaking messed everything up and-

"You didn't have to shoulder all of it alone, Ran-Ran."

Reiji's voice was quiet and gentle.

"You never had to and never will. Not when you have us. Not when we will do all it takes to understand you and look out for you as we live our lives together."

Ranmaru gritted his teeth as he tried to hold back a sob. "Reiji-"

"Confining all your emotions until this point in time only ends in an immense amount of pain and destruction," Camus remarked, his voice closer to him than he expected considering that when they got into formation, he had been the furthest away from Reiji and Ranmaru. "Allowing them to be unleashed is not synonymous to weakness, Kurosaki. It is merely the revelation of the fact that you are at your limit and like everyone, need to come in terms with your struggle and release the pain rather than confining it as long as you can."

"That's easy to freaking say than-"

"We know, and none of us blames you," Ai interjected gently. "Ranmaru, we may be unable to erase the pain of the past or prevent the same things from happening again, but when we gave Eli our word that we would give the project all our heart, we meant it earnestly. And from what you just told us, we can see how much it means to you. How much it means to you that not only is the project a success, but people who partake in the week and witness it change, become kinder and develop empathy, and understand what it means to be humane. All the pain that you expressed does not make you weak. It simply conveys the fact that there is a fierce, beating heart that is committed to genuinely live not just for itself, but for others, for us."

"We're all so sorry about everything, Maru-chan-senpai," Natsuki uttered softly, his voice filled with sadness and tenderness. "About your dad, today, everything. But you believe us when we say that we understand, right? When we say that you do not have bear this alone when we are all right here. When we hold you and stay right here and want to do all we can to make sure that you can smile again. So take all the time you need to let your heart breathe and heal, Maru-chan-senpai. To let all the tears fall, to cry and say all that you need and want to. It's a painful life, like you said, but it's also a bright one, especially when we all know and understand that we are all here for one another, and..."

He held Ranmaru a little tighter as his voice softened.

"You won't lose everything. You won't, we promise."

_"I've lost everything once. I don't wanna lose everything again."_

Those words that he had uttered during that private talk with Natsuki reverberated in his head like a distant melody, and Ranmaru inwardly smiled weakly at the fact that the blond remembered those words and were reassuring him that the cold possibility in them would not happen now as he was surrounded by the four closest friends he had. Closing his eyes, he relented to their holds and slowly wrapped his arms around Reiji and clutched the back of his shirt, the tears streaming down his face and leaving trails of fire that turned to warmth that would be cold eventually, his heart burning yet beating and alive and looking up into a sky glowing after the fire. After he somewhat managed to recollect himself, he would heed his end of the deal and end today's work once and for all. And then he would ask them if they could go to their favourite cafe today and he'd treat them all to their favourite drinks as a sincere thanks for being here for him. And maybe he would open his heart up to them a little more. Maybe he would play a few songs on his bass as a way of relieving his soul. Maybe he would bicker with Camus and tolerate it a little more. Maybe he would be embarrassed by Ai's blunt comments and yell when Natsuki and Reiji hugged him. Maybe he would let them be with a few more smiles than usual. And that was because... he was no longer on fire.

Because the district of flames in his heart was no longer on fire.

And even amidst the scars and ashes, what remained... was something that would only grow stronger as it moved forward and pulsated, even if unsteadily, even if imperfect, even if wounded and bleeding. Even if he felt like screaming or breaking down or was burning or shattering within himself. So in this district where the flames had been trapped in, the roads were no longer burning, but even without the fire...

The light was reflected from the broken glass, and thanks to the people with him, it was warm.

...

Heights.

You could either climb them or fall from them.

You could either be afraid to stand on top of them or look straight ahead at the sky with courage.

Standing on the rooftop of the school that deserved to be forsaken for all that it had done and failed to do, a place of cowards, bullies and remorseless souls, Ranmaru rested his arms on the metal railings of the secluded area, staring ahead at the bustling districts under the pale azure sky. It was the Saturday before the anti-bullying week. After taking some time to jog at the park in the early light of day, he thought that he might as well see what the view was like in this place before he was to head back to have breakfast with the others. For a place that he despised due to the people who had failed to keep it truly bright and alive, the scenery was still somehow decent in his eyes. It wasn't that special, but the sun was illuminating the sky with its pure yellow and orange glow and that could never be a bad thing at this time of the day.

The gentle wind breezed past his unbuttoned grey jacket as he let out an exhale and the sound of the elevator filled his ears. Curious and puzzled as to who it could be, Ranmaru braced himself, knowing that he had to be at the very least _cordial_ even if it was some lowlife who retained the right to be called a teacher or some other important figure in this place. He was not about to give the ice prick and Ai any reason to lecture him later on. The metal doors slowly slid open and Ranmaru was mildly surprised to see the shorter boy exiting from the compressed space. He had short, neat black hair, fair skin and a slim figure and from the looks of it, was definitely slightly older than Eli, at least by a year or two. Wearing nothing more than a regular blue T-shirt, white shorts, a black jacket and black sandals, the boy's head was lowered with downcast blue eyes, staring down at a bouquet in his hands too intensely to notice Ranmaru.

_What is he doing here on a weekend with flowers of all things?_

There was a flicker of sorrow in the young boy's eyes and that was when it dawned upon him just what flowers they were: alstroemeria flowers. Pink alstromeria flowers. The flower of friendship, like Eli said. Ranmaru had taken it upon himself to search those flowers up and now here this kid was, bringing a thin bouquet of those exact same flowers to the rooftop where- It suddenly all came together in Ranmaru's head like the pieces of a puzzle snapping together. Hoping that he was not wrong, Ranmaru took a few steps towards the boy, let out an exhale and spoke.

"You're Yuuto Sakai, right?"

The boy froze immediately. His blue eyes widening, he lifted his head up to stare at Ranmaru in utter shock, only now noticing that there was someone else on the rooftop too. "You are..." he spoke in a voice barely above a mutter, looking him up and down. That was when his eyes widened slightly and he blinked. "You are one of Eli's friends helping him with the anti-bullying week project, right? If I am not mistaken... Ranmaru, right? Ranmaru Kurosaki."

"Yeah," Ranmaru answered with a brief nod.

Yuuto nodded. "And yeah... I'm Yuuto Sakai. A friend of Eli Kizuna. Eli's told you about me, hasn't he?"

"Same thing here," Ranmaru told him, scratching the back of his neck. "Hope it's all good stuff."

"It is," Yuuto said with a light laugh. "That boy could never say anything bad about his own friends."

"Yeah, we're definitely talkin' 'bout the same kid."

Yuuto laughed again and Ranmaru then decided to change topics. "So uh... before we talk about anythin' else, though ya probably know this... Eli's told me and the others 'bout what happened to you." He lowered his voice. "You and your best friend."

The smile faded away from Yuuto's face and he lowered his eyes, nodding slightly, as though telling Ranmaru to go on. And he did.

"I'm sorry." Ranmaru clenched his fists. "'Bout what happened."

Yuuto nodded again. "It's fine." He slowly looked up and smiled sadly. "You didn't do anything, but... it's nice to know that there are those who care. There aren't many people like that, especially here. So... yeah. It's fine, Ranmaru-san. It's fine."

He lowered his eyes to the bouquet of flowers in his hands.

"And... you're probably wondering why I'm bringing a bouquet of the exact same flowers that she left with her last note to me, to the place where she... she let herself go."

Ranmaru did not say a word and let Yuuto speak.

"I do this every month, on a morning I am sure no one will find me. The cemetery is too far from where I live and I wanted to bring the flowers that she loved, that meant friendship, as a way of saying that I remember her and still love her and hope that she is smiling now. And even though this is where she chose to let go... she actually loved heights. Rooftops, balconies, mountains, anywhere she could stand close to the sky and feel the kind wind as she drew portraits of what her heart wanted to draw." Yuuto's lips curved into a fond smile that was tinged with sorrow. "So this is where I go. It is where she left her last words to me and a place she loved, even if it was a part of the place that broke her heart everyday. It hurts each time I come, like it does now, but... it's not me that I am coming here for."

Yuuto's eyes held unshed tears as his smile weakened.

"It's her. It's for her."

His hands clutched the bouquet a little tighter.

"You know... I wouldn't be this okay if it weren't for you and your friends, Ranmaru-san."

Ranmaru's eyes widened in shock. "H-Huh...?"

"Yeah." Yuuto nodded, his voice near silent. "I don't know if Eli mentioned this, but... I was a mess ever since Aika passed away, even months after it happened. I broke down in the corridors, pushed everyone away, even skipped classes and opted to study alone in my room for weeks straight, and there was even a time... when Eli tried talking to me and I yelled at him to stay away. He cried, even though I knew he was trying not to, and after that... I didn't dare to look him in the eye again, for I felt so guilty for taking everything out on him. And even with that... just a few days ago, he called me and asked if we could meet up. And we met up at a nearby park, just the two of us. There, he accepted my apology with a smile like the kind friend he's always been and said that he wanted to show me something that he thought I needed to see."

He slowly raised his head to face Ranmaru and smiled faintly.

"He showed me the video of the skit that you all did for the project. From start until finish. And with all that was in there, with the words that were said, the emotions that were felt, and the kindness and friendship and hope there was along with sadness, screams and tears... it was when I watched that video... when I could finally, truly cry. Not just with my eyes, but with my heart that had been too stuck in the past to move forward. I felt everything... that the school never gave me, and that's why I can mean it now when I say I'm fine. Because I am, much more so than before, Ranmaru-san."

His eyes brightened despite the tears seeping out of them and down his cheeks.

"Because like you said there, _You do not have to burn alone_ , right?"

Upon hearing the conviction in the broken boy's voice saying the words that Ranmaru had concluded his turmoil with thanks to four particular people whom he believed in with all that blazed with him, Ranmaru let his lips part into a genuine smile as he crossed his arms and nodded.

"Yeah. Ya got that right. Ya couldn't be more right than that."

Behind them, the sky was bright without actually burning, and the imagery of it all lightened his soul a little, clearing away the lingering ashes that remained after the fire.

"Glad to know you're okay. 'Cause as much as life can be torturous at times, what matters is that we survive and live for those we care about, even if the fire threatens to burn us all alive."

_"I won't forget ever again because it's been carved into my memory_

_Listen to my voice from my heart..._

_People can't even laugh alone"_

\- "Bright Road", by Ranmaru Kurosaki (Tatsuhisa Suzuki)


	39. Last Rainbow

Natsuki Shinomiya

"The melody... touched your heart...?"

The white rabbit nuzzled its soft head against Natsuki's side happily and he felt his lips ease into a gentle smile.

"I'm really happy to hear that. I want to touch everyone's hearts with this song, so that means so much, Mr Bunny."

Ever since the anti-bullying week started, Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus had been going to Eli's school, which Ranmaru and Camus both loathed to refer to as an actual school, to help out and support their dear friend. They had given short speeches on bullying, performed some solo and main unit songs, talked about their skit and organized a number of activities to help spread the message to stop bullying and be kind. And while they contributed to the anti-bullying week project, they also had interviews, live performances and radio shows as well as did concept photos and videos for their main unit project's next segment, which was to include Ai's new solo song "Innocent Wind". It was Thursday now, and Natsuki had just gone to the forest to relax after recording the instrumentals for his solo song at seven in the morning, having finalized the composition.

_The precious animals here, as well as those who played the instruments back at the studio, were moved, even though I was nervous as to whether they would be, and I am very glad they are._

When the instrumentals reached the end, Natsuki took his yellow cellphone and dipped it back into his pocket as he smiled at the hummingbird hovering above him.

_I hope that Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, Myu-chan-senpai and Maru-chan-senpai will be moved too._

Sitting down on the soft green grass under the warm autumn sunshine, Natsuki sighed quietly as he smiled faintly, warm thoughts and memories of his dearest friends flowing through his head like flower petals with sunlight. The song was especially dedicated to them; that was why he had gone to the studio alone. So that every aspect of the song could remain as a surprise. Allowing the bunnies to snuggle closer to him as he gently stroked the head of a woodpecker, Natsuki thought of how much time they had gotten to spend together, how much they had all grown together, looked out for one another and shared countless memories with one another. Being with all of them was a deeply treasured story that he never wanted to see come to an end.

 _It has been nearly three months ever since STARISH's solo song project was announced_ , he thought to himself quietly, the viola and its bow laying by his side, _which led to the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project._ _Almost a season ever since Rei-chan-senpai first took me in. Ever since everything ended and started in a way I never expected and yet hold close to my heart. And throughout these months, even amidst the pain and sorrow, my memories and emotions turned brighter, stronger and were splashed with more vibrant colours, moved by the precious bond that we have as friends and family. It's been nearly three months..._

As his words trailed off into a silent distance, another thought trickled through his head and it was enough to bring a sad, wistful smile to his lips.

_I don't want the main unit project... to end, even though we are past the halfway point now..._

"There he is! Nattsun!"

Natsuki's eyes widened in surprise and he turned, only to find himself toppling down onto the soft grass with his best friend hugging him tightly. "Rei-chan-senpai!" Reiji looked down at him and beamed, his grey eyes illumined by his happiness and rays of sunlight. Getting off Natsuki, Reiji smiled and held out a hand towards Natsuki. Beaming back, Natsuki took Reiji's hand and the brunet helped pull him up. That was when Natsuki saw Ai, Ranmaru and Camus walking towards them and with a smile, greeted all of them, which they returned.

"You guys didn't tell me that you were coming here too!" Natsuki remarked with a light chuckle. He then noticed the picnic basket in Ranmaru's hand and asked. "And eto... why did you guys bring a picnic basket?"

"It would be a failure of a surprise if we mentioned it to you beforehand, Shinomiya," Camus told him with a smirk as he crossed his arms.

"A surprise?" Natsuki repeated, tilting his head in confusion.

Reiji beamed as he threw an arm around Natsuki. "Yeap! You texted us that you were done recording and that you'd be at the forest, so we decided that we'd have a picnic right here before we go to Eli-chan's school! Since we all already has breakfast, we thought some light snacks and milk tea would be the cherry on the cake, so those are what're in the basket!"

"Thought that since you've been up and about since sunrise," Ranmaru added with a grin, "and workin' hard for that matter, we'd help ya relax and chill. Doesn't sound bad, right, Natsuki?"

Ai gave Natsuki a slight nod and gentle smile, and the blond beamed at his friends, deeply moved by their kindness and care for him. He thanked them and Reiji gave him a tight hug before they all began their morning picnic. Camus and Ai had fixed the butterfly pea milk tea while Reiji and Ranmaru had prepared the snacks. When Natsuki began to feel guilty that he had not done anything to help prepare for the picnic, all of them laughed, with Ranmaru lightly thumping him on the head and exclaiming, "You can't help prepare for your own surprise, Natsuki!" with a wide grin on his face. The birds, bunnies and butterflies gathered around them, with a brown rabbit hopping onto Ai's lap and snuggling against the surprised boy. Two hummingbirds perched themselves on top of Camus' head and Ranmaru and Reiji burst out laughing at the familiar sight, causing the blond count to scowl.

"Shinomiya, I am aware that they will pay my words no heed, so can you kindly tell the winged mammals that my head is off-limits? And Kurosaki and Kotobuki, will you cease your rambunctious laughter?" Camus' tone had a sharp note at the end of his words.

"The ice count gave up. Ain't that an achievement in itself? Good job, birds!"

"Myu-chan's head is their special spot!"

"You two insolent fools are truly asking for a zap of ice, aren't you?"

"I believe that turning the greenery here into a miniature version of winter will grant this forest no benefit, so kindly refrain from using your ice magic here, Camus. And Reiji, Ranmaru, if Camus resorts to such methods, you two are equally responsible."

"Ouchie!"

Pouring more milk tea from the stainless steel thermos into Reiji's cup, Natsuki beamed as his heart pulsed with pure brightness. The five of them were sharing memories and emotions again. Camus and Ranmaru were bickering as a blue jay landed on the latter's shoulder and whistled; Ai sighed at the argument and yet smiled when he saw a small kaleidoscope of blue, indigo and violet butterflies flutter by; Reiji and Natsuki turned to each other and laughed when they remarked that the bickering duo was extremely close, prompting the two to deny it at the same time. As chaotic as they may look at times, it was deeply colourful with their own unique splashes and shades. As much as their differences overlapped and clashed at times, it was their warm melody that no one could ever imitate. As much pain and sorrow that their hearts felt, every emotion tied them together and brought them closer, as friends, as family. Remembering the yellow cellphone that he had tucked into his pocket, Natsuki smiled as he pulled Ai into a half-hug, the melody of his solo song resonating warmly in his head like the sounds of ripples in daylight.

_I hope that we continue to have more and more visits to the forest like this, share more precious memories like this._

Ai's lips curved into a small smile as Reiji smiled brightly and threw his arms around both him and Natsuki. And Ranmaru and Camus had stopped arguing and the latter passed a plate of mini ham sandwiches to the former, who thanked him with a slight grin, which made Natsuki's heart glow even more.

 _Just like in the song that I want you guys to be the first to hear, I_ _gave all my heart_ _in every single memory that intertwined us together, these precious memories and emotions... that I want to hold onto no matter what._

Suddenly, his cellphone vibrated in his pocket. It vibrated more than once, but not continuously like a phone call. Surprised, Natsuki pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and checked the notifications, only for his eyes to widen. "Ren-kun?" He glanced at the others, with Reiji immediately turning curious, and opened the personal chat where there were a few new messages from Ren.

_"Hey Shinomi"_

_"Sensei told me and the rest of the group to be at the anti-bullying week's showgrounds by 2 in the afternoon. He didn't tell us what for, though that's just like our boss (winking emoji)"_

_"I was wondering if you and the senpais would be there as well since you all have your share of lending a hand in the event. If you can, Shinomi, would it be okay if we meet up earlier? None of us are familiar with the place and if sensei's giving us an assignment there, it's best if we get a head start. And it sure would be a brighter day if you were here with us, Shinomi. And don't tell Shorty or the others this, but if they try anything, Cesshi and I got your back (peace sign)"_

_"So what do you say? And p.s. whether Shorty and the others like it or not, Ran-chan and the rest of the senpais are more than welcome to join the fun (winking emoji)"_

Natsuki's heart pulsated unsteadily as he let out a soft exhale and gave his phone to Reiji, whose grey eyes were now concerned, and Ai leaned closer to read the texts. He had not seen most of them ever since the day of their STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT live where Otoya had tried to sabotage Natsuki. The only ones that Natsuki and the senpais conversed with were Ren and Cecil while things were still unsettling and painful with Syo and the others. But now... all six of them want to meet up at Eli's school's anti-bullying week? Ai passed the phone to Camus and Ranmaru, and Reiji turned and gave Natsuki's shoulder a tight squeeze, even more worry glimmering in his eyes as the blond's heart wavered in sadness and confusion. It was painful... being unable to trust Syo and the others like he used to. It was painful to know that they could all hurt him again and leave his heart broken into pieces without a sincere apology. It wouldn't hurt to look out for them and help them out, especially since Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus were coming too, but...

... it was not going to be an entirely bright memory. They all knew it.

"Good that he knows that we ain't leavin' Natsuki alone with the whole lot of those punks," Ranmaru commented, crossing his arms behind his head. "Ren may be a dunce and a ridiculous Casanova, but at least he has a decent level of common sense."

His heterochromatic eyes, however, began to scowl.

"But what on freaking earth has old man Shining thought up this time? Is he trying to lump us all with them again in some kind of freaking continuation to the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project _now_ of all times? In a freaking _school_ event?"

"Even data is unable to keep up with his absurdity," Ai commented bluntly, sighing quietly.

"As sharp as that tongue of yours is, I wholeheatedly agree with ya, Ai."

"Will you accept those peasants' request, Shinomiya?"

Camus' ice-blue eyes were grave as he returned the yellow cellphone to Natsuki and folded his arms.

"I would like you to carefully mull the idea over before responding to Jinguji's texts. Also, bear in mind that they have no right to impose anything on you regardless of the circumstances."

"Myu-chan's right," Reiji agreed, his grey eyes concerned as he wrapped his arm around Natsuki reassuringly. "After what happened the last time we saw all of them back at that live as well as all that had taken place, it's more than understandable if you aren't comfortable with seeing them. And I personally find it strange that they are all suddenly willing to meet up with you. Not Ren-Ren and Cesshi, but everyone else. But no matter what you choose, we are all with you, Nattsun."

"I thought about it," Natsuki told them as Ranmaru folded his arms and the birds chirped nervously around them. "And... I'm sure I'll be fine. I know that things aren't okay between us and most of them, but guiding them around Eli-kun's school and maybe talking with them should be okay, even if painful at times. And besides..." He smiled gently, "like Rei-chan-senpai said, you guys are with me, just like I am with you. So I'm alright with helping Ren-kun and the others. We'll all be okay, my heart is sure of it."

"That's our Nattsun, alright!" Reiji beamed, hugging Natsuki tightly as Ai smiled and Camus and Ranmaru nodded in approval. He looked around at everyone. "So what time does everyone have in mind?"

"Just thirty minutes before 2," Ranmaru responded with a half-yawn. "We came to this forest to relax and I ain't lettin' it end too soon just for the sake of some grand tour."

"Agreed." Ai nodded as the canaries chirruped happily. "This is a much more satiable method to spend the limited free time we have. Thirty minutes is unnegotiable unless they would like us to reduce it."

"Let's spend all the remaining time we have together just like this, just like we always do," Reiji said, his lips easing into a soft smile as his arm remained wrapped around Natsuki's back gently. "It's nerve wrecking and can even be scary if you think about it, but you don't have to worry about it or think about it too much, Nattsun."

He took Natsuki's hand and squeezed it tightly.

"As long as the five of us are here together, no matter what they do, our warmth will never waver. You know that, right?"

"Yeap."

Warmed on the inside, Natsuki felt his lips curve into a warm smile as he squeezed Reiji's hand back just as tightly.

"I know, and I'll never forget that."

Camus and Ranmaru smiled as a smiling Ai gave Natsuki a gentle squeeze on the shoulder and asked if he wanted more butterfly pea milk tea. Natsuki accepted the offer with a faint smile and Ai began pouring the milk tea into the small white teacup on the red-and-yellow-checkered picnic blanket. One of the things that Natsuki loved about butterfly pea milk tea in particular was its colour. It was a soft, delicate pale blue that reminded him of a warm sky illumined by sunshine, that was bright without being too bright. As Natsuki observed the pale blue milk tea cascading gently from the thermos into his cup, with white vapour flowing up into the sky, thoughts seeped into his mind like dye, painting his head with the colours of sadness even though he did not mean to think of them now.

_It has been almost a season of living with Rei-chan-senpai. Almost a season of a project with the four most precious people to me that I never want to see end. Almost a season of red and orange leaves that are also petals of warmth and fire, that soar and flutter in the sky as they bring colour to the world, like memories to our hearts. But it has also been almost a season ever since the seven of us smiled and laughed together, even though they had left me out and hurt me too much. It has almost been a season of being broken by them, confronted by them, with a gap of shattered pieces and ruined colours between them and me._

Reiji tucked a lilac forget-me-not flower behind Natsuki's ear and with a bright smile, squeezed his shoulder and said that he was deeply precious. Ai smiled sincerely as Ranmaru grinned and leaned his head against the tree trunk behind him and Camus took out a slice of strawberry cheesecake from the picnic basket. Natsuki whispered that they were all precious and hugged Reiji tightly, a warm smile curving on his lips amidst the sadness that they all knew were there.

_It's been nearly a season... ever since the thought of a seven-coloured rainbow made me smile._

Reiji Kotobuki

_I knew that Nattsun would have to meet up with all of STARISH eventually, but even though I knew and know that..._

Keeping his eyes trained on the road ahead, Reiji fixed his mirror and could not help the sorrow seeping into his heart like a cold river, hiding a sad smile behind his focused stare.

_I... I don't want it._

Ranmaru was fast asleep at the back beside Ai, who was staring out the glass window on the left door, and Camus, who was calmly reading a book. Sitting on the passenger seat beside Reiji was Natsuki, whose green eyes were looking straight ahead through the glass window. Natsuki blinked and turned, noticing Reiji, and his lips eased into a soft smile that glimmered in his kind, bright eyes. Reiji returned the smile with a gentle one of his own before taking a smooth turn along the curb, past a green traffic light.

_Even if... the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project will eventually come to an end._

Was that selfish? Whether it was or not, Reiji knew what he wanted; he could not lie to his heart about that. The thought had been on the verge of being said aloud in his head countless of times, including during the lives and interviews that they all did together and the times they spent with one another, but now Reiji was letting it flow freely in his head as he drove them all to Eli's school where they were to meet up with Ren, Cecil, Otoya, Masato, Tokiya and Syo. Even though Natsuki was closest to Reiji, Ai and the rest of QUARTET NIGHT... he was still a STARISH member. Once the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project ended, he was bound to be given more STARISH-related jobs and perform in more lives with them due to being a member of that seven-man group. Even though that was, of course, logical and to be expected, Reiji could not deny that the thought of it... hurt. He was going to miss having as many jobs and assignments as he could now with Natsuki. He was going to miss having lives with him as often as they did now. He was going to miss being a five-man group.

He was going to miss Natsuki so, so much... even though they would still be living together.

_I have not talked about this with Ai-Ai, Ran-Ran and Myu-chan, but I know that they feel the exact same way I do._

He glanced at Natsuki, whose green eyes were nervous but clearly showed someone who was trying to calm down and do his best, and while maneuvering his steering wheel with his other hand, reached out and squeezed his closest friend's shoulder tightly. Reiji gave him a warm smile, assuring him that they were all with him, always, and Natsuki smiled sincerely, giving his hand a soft squeeze in return and nodding. And Reiji's heart was warmed by the exchange, but he felt pain too.

_We all do not want you to be with STARISH... and it is not just because of how much STARISH has broken you on the inside, Nattsun._

Ai Mikaze

"Ah, so there is going to be another live show today?"

"Yeap!" Natsuki answered with a bright smile as he walked between Ren and Reiji around the empty hall, his green eyes sparkling. "There are live shows on all the days of this week! And during the final day, Eli-kun is going to sing too! It's going to be his first time singing alone in front of a crowd, but I'm sure he'll do really well."

"Shining-sensei mentioned that name to us during our meeting and said that he is quite the blossoming prodigy," Ren remarked with a chuckle. He gave Natsuki a thumbs-up sign and winked. "Can't wait to see the young flower bloom before us later on."

"Yep!"

All of STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT were now in the auditorium of the school. It had been approximately 18 minutes ever since the tour began and it was proceeding rather smoothly, despite the tension and silence between a number of them. Taking a stroll around the hall beside Ranmaru, Ai noticed how much calmer Natsuki was when conversing with any of the senpais or Ren or Cecil in contrast with Syo and the three others, which was unsurprising to say in the least. Regardless of circumstances, however, Ai's intention remained unchanged, which was to look out for his best friend, just like Ranmaru, Reiji and Camus were all doing. Camus was in the midst of a conversation with Masato and Tokiya, and it appeared rather formal compared to friendly. Syo was wandering around on his own with an uninterested expression and as Ranmaru began to grumble under his breath about "the awkwardness of it all", Ai noticed Cecil and Otoya standing at a corner at the back of the hall, talking amongst themselves and that the latter's face was panicked and terrified. Wordlessly, Ai tapped Ranmaru on the shoulder before quietly approaching the two STARISH members, uncertain as to whether this was a positive sign.

"It's okay, Otoya."

"No, it's not! I can't just go to him and ask to talk alone!"

"Reiji-senpai will understand-"

"No, Cecil, he-"

"What's with the panic all over your face?"

Ranmaru effectively silenced both STARISH members, a frown in his heterochromatic eyes.

"I'm talkin' 'bout you, Otoya."

"Tell him, Otoya," Cecil encouraged, patting Otoya on the back with a slight smile. Otoya's eyes widened and darted from Cecil to Ranmaru to Ai, filled with fear and uncertainty. "It's okay." Otoya sighed after a few tense moments and faced Ranmaru and Ai, his red eyes nervous and hurt.

"I know that you guys all stood up for me at Shining-sensei's office, when he asked if I should be kicked out of Shining Agency."

Ai nodded and Ranmaru grunted, although neither of them knew that Shining had told Otoya about that. "We did."

"You guys, Camus-senpai, Rei-chan and Natsuki. Even after all that I've done... you all still protected me and would even go as far as covering for me if it meant that my future wouldn't be ruined, even though if it was it'd be all my fault..." Otoya lowered his eyes, his teeth clenched. "I've been wanting to say sorry, but most of me has been terrified to. Ashamed to. Because I know what I did, and... it hurt all of you in so many ways."

Otoya slowly tilted his head up to look straight at Ai and Ranmaru, his shorter stature trembling with emotion.

"But... I... I'm sorry. I know it's not nearly enough, but... I'm really sorry, Ai-senpai, Ranmaru-senpai."

"As long as you get what you did wrong and mean it, I don't see any problem with accepting your apology," Ranmaru said, patting Otoya on the head, his heterochromatic eyes softening a bit. Ai nodded slightly and Otoya's eyes glimmered with unshed tears. "So I'm guessin' that you and Cecil were talkin' 'bout tryin' to talk to Natsuki alone. Is that right?"

"Y-Yeah, to apologize alone. B-But-" Otoya began to stutter.

"But Reiji will definitely have qualms in leaving the two of you on your own," Ai finished. "That means that you will need to reconcile with Reiji, as well as Camus, too, because precisely like Ranmaru and myself, they have their personal concerns and you understand why, right?" Otoya hung his head quietly. "However, a private group conversation can be arranged. If you would like, Ranmaru and I can help you get Camus, Reiji and Natsuki to come over without any unwarranted disagreements from the others."

"Ya up for it?" Ranmaru asked, his stare serious. "'Cause we ain't gonna be available everyday and ya know it."

Cecil gave Otoya a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder and said, "It'll be fine, Otoya. Trust me." A few tears slipped down Otoya's face and he let out a shaky breath before giving them a firm nod. Ranmaru patted him on the shoulder and told Otoya and Cecil to wait outside at the lift area before he and Ai walked towards the direction where Ren was chatting with Reiji and Natsuki.

"Wasn't expecting you to offer help in fixing his wrong," Ranmaru commented, crossing his arms behind his head.

Ai shrugged. "I was not expecting the same from you either. But regardless, more than anything, the two of us were doing it for Natsuki."

Ranmaru grunted in agreement.

"Yeah."

A moment of silence filled the air between them for a few seconds.

"... you were spacing out in the car ride earlier."

Ai was slightly surprised, but nodded as a sign of acknowledgement. "And you were pretending to sleep for 50% of the time, Ranmaru."

Ranmaru let out a laugh. "Nothing gets by you, does it? But if you knew, why did you not call me out for it with some savage remark like you'd normally do?"

They stopped walking, knowing that this was not a conversation that they wanted prying ears to hear. Ai looked straight at Ranmaru and smiled slightly.

"The same reason that you did not question my lack of focus during the drive."

Sadness flashed across Ranmaru's heterochromatic eyes. "Ai..." He lowered his eyes. "... you think the rest feel the same way about this?"

"I believe that by all means, Reiji has felt this way and come in terms with it sooner than the rest of us," Ai answered, his voice quiet. "I am uncertain as to when Camus developed this particular feeling, but he did take a few discreet glances at Natsuki's direction during the picnic and the drive to the school. And his expression was more sorrowful than stoic."

"And Natsuki?" Ranmaru asked, glancing at Natsuki, whose hand was wrapped around Reiji's shoulder, a faint smile on the kind-hearted blond's face. "Do you think he knows?"

"Natsuki is the most difficult to predict and read," Ai replied as Natsuki rubbed the back of his neck with a shy smile and Ren tousled his hair and Reiji laughed. "However, I did notice an acute sense of sadness from him ever since he received the texts from Ren and especially throughout the tour when he had to communicate with a number of his band members."

Ai smiled sadly.

"I have no clue as to what Shining is planning, but... I want Natsuki to remain with us."

"Same here, Ai."

Ranmaru placed a calloused hand on top of Ai's head and gave him a crooked smile that was tinged with understanding and underlying pain.

"Same here, and nobody has any right to call us out on bein' selfish because of it."

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Don't be sad, Otoya-kun..."

Natsuki placed his hands on Otoya's shoulders and smiled faintly.

"It's all over now, so it's more than okay to smile again with all your heart. Your bright, sunny smile that lights up our days even in the coldest weathers. So you don't have to cry or be in pain anymore, okay?"

While Cecil, Ren, Ai and Ranmaru were distracting the other STARISH members from realizing what was going on and trying to stop Otoya from talking, Natsuki, Camus and Reiji were outside the auditorium with the red-haired STARISH member, who had apologized to them for what he had done to them. Camus had sternly told Otoya to never do such things ever again and accepted his apology while Reiji and Natsuki had both hugged Otoya tightly, who had begun to cry. Sniffling, Otoya wiped his tears away with the back of his hand and smiled weakly at Natsuki, Reiji and Camus. He was about to open his mouth to speak when a loud crash rang throughout the air. Their eyes widening, the four of them all glanced at one another before rushing back into the auditorium, where Ranmaru was sliding a hand down his face with gritted teeth.

"Don't even ask," Ranmaru said with deep frustration as Ai sighed quietly.

"Ho ho ho! I see you all are gathered here extra early!"

Shining was standing proudly on the centre of the stage, his hands on his hips with a wide grin spread across his face.

"As expected of my beloved eleven Shining Stars!"

"Shining-san, there are classes going on at this time," Ai spoke up as everyone stared at the head of their agency.

"They are all about to be dismissed anyway, so there's no problem here!" Shining guffawed as Tokiya and Masato sighed and Reiji and Natsuki smiled awkwardly. "But moving on! You all must be wondering why Mr Jinguji, Mr Hijirikwawa, Mr Kurusu, Mr Ichinose, Mr Aijima and Mr Ittoki were told to come here as well."

"He could have just said 'all of STARISH besides the dunce who wouldn't come back'," Syo muttered aloud in annoyance and Ai, Camus and Ranmaru gave him sharp looks as Natsuki's heart clenched.

"And I'm here to announce that you all will be performing lives together for today's segment of the anti-bullying week project!"

Natsuki and Reiji's eyes widened in shock as Ai and Camus sighed and Ranmaru cursed.

"What on actual-"

"STARISH will be performing 'Maji Love 2000%' whereas QUARTET NIGHT will be performing 'Poison Kiss'!" Shining exclaimed and Natsuki's eyes dilated even more. "Only the main staff, as well as Mr Kizuna, of the anti-bullying week committee know, so it'll be a big, big surprise to most! Be sure to light up this momentous occasion with a huge bang of fireworks and colours, everyone! I'll send the schedule to the group chat and be watching over you, so be sure you do everyone proud and inspire all these young lives with your coordination and bonds!"

"Shiny-san-"

"All the best, my bright stars!"

Immediately, the curtains quickly slid to a close and Shining was nowhere to be seen, even though his laughter rang inside the spacious hall, leaving the eleven of them to stare at one another with a whirlwind of emotions spinning throughout the empty yet cold air.

"Did we all just hear him freaking right?"

Syo yelled and jabbed a finger at Natsuki with an indignant glare.

"We have to perform with _him_ when he doesn't even wanna be with us in a freaking unit?"

"Like we trust you lot with Natsuki when you don't get the first thing 'bout being there for someone," Ranmaru fired back as Camus narrowed his eyes and Ai shook his head. Beside Natsuki, Reiji placed a hand on his shoulder. "And don't even try and act like it's his fault when the truth's real simple and obvious."

"Excuse me?" Syo demanded.

"Calm down, my dear gentlemen," Ren cut in with a light tone, smirking as Syo and Ranmaru spun around to scowl at him. "We all heard what our beloved superior said. We have to work hard and make him proud and of course, accomplish it together, so it's best if we start by making peace with one another, right?"

"You talk as if the situation is so uncomplicated, Jinguji," Masato remarked, frowning deeply as heavy disapproval oozed through his words, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Hey, I'm not the one making it harder than it should be, am I?" Ren said with a chuckle and Tokiya rubbed his temple with a sigh as Masato shook his head. He turned to Natsuki and gave him a look of concern. "Shining-sensei said that we have to perform "Maji Love 2000%", and it's been awhile since we last practised or performed it together, hasn't it? Do you still remember your parts, Shinomi?"

Natsuki thought for a bit and nodded truthfully when he managed to recall the dance moves and lyrics. "Yeap, I do, Ren-kun." He smiled faintly even as his heart wavered amidst the stares that some of his band members were giving him. "Don't worry about it."

Reiji rubbed Natsuki reassuringly on the back as Ren and Ai smiled.

"Pfft." Syo let out a cold scoff, his blue eyes irritated. "Now that's a surprise. Was expecting him to forget everything like some dimwit who got hit by a brick and ended up with amnesia."

"Syo!" Otoya exclaimed as Cecil gritted his teeth. Natsuki barely held back a wince as Reiji's arm tightened around him and his grey eyes darkened and Ranmaru clenched his fists.

"What?" Syo demanded, glaring at the redhead. "I'm just being honest about what I think. Is that freaking wrong now?"

"Perhaps you are the one whose head has been struck to the mere point that it is obliviously dysfunctional," Camus remarked calmly, his tone as cold as ice, just like the look in his piercing blue eyes. Beside him, Ai narrowed his eyes coldly. "I highly suggest we file a report that you will be unable to perform today, Kurusu."

"Can't disagree there," Ranmaru spoke, his voice edged with anger. "We're better off without some kid who doesn't know how to respect people."

"Precisely." Camus' stare was hard.

"Err... guys..." Otoya tried to speak, his words filled with nervousness amidst the thick tension. "Calm down-"

"Are you freaking mocking me?" Syo yelled at the two senpais.

"G-Guys!"

"At this rate, our collaboration may as well be an utter disaster."

"And whose fault is t-"

The vibrations of cellphones, along with the shrill ringing of the school bell, interrupted everyone before the argument could escalate. With a number of them exchanging cold looks and glares, the eleven Shining Stars took their cellphones out and found messages from Shining Saotome in their group chat. There was an updated schedule of the anti-bullying week activities. As the classes had been dismissed, the pop-up stalls of food, games, souvenirs, kindness notes and letters and other things and workshops were now all open and while everyone took a look around, the auditorium would be strictly off-limits in order for the staff to prepare for the live shows, speeches and other activities that would take place in the late afternoon. After a few students and teachers gave short speeches about their personal experiences with bullying, there would be a short skit by one of the Grade 8 classes, followed by a few pairs and groups of young, bright talents at the school, and then STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT were to surprise everyone as the final acts of the day. The schedule said that their attires would be ready in one of the empty classrooms of the 4th floor and they would need to be backstage by 6 p.m.

"So until then, we can do what we want, huh?" Ranmaru noted, furrowing his eyebrows, his arm propped onto Ai's shoulder. "That's about four hours to kill."

_Four hours..._

_Four hours until we need to gather backstage and wait to perform._

Natsuki turned towards the wide yet empty stage, at the velvet red curtains billowing faintly above the smooth mahogany floor that shone under the white fluorescent lamps, his fingers curling a little tighter around his cellphone, and memories of countless live stages being alight with multi-coloured glows flashed inside his head rapidly and brokenly.

_Four hours until we have to perform a song that is supposed to make people giddy and excited and happy and yet does not make me feel even the slightest bit of any of those when I think about it..._ _Four hours until I have to bring a seven-coloured rainbow onstage with the rest of STARISH... a seven-coloured rainbow that I can no longer smile at with my heart..._

Lowering his eyes to the phone screen, he felt the hand on his shoulder gave it a gentle squeeze. He turned to Reiji, whose grey eyes were already looking at him in concern, and smiled faintly before squeezing his hand back, knowing that he knew too.

_As a colour that appears to belong in that same rainbow but doesn't feel like it does._

"We sincerely appreciate the tour that you have given to us, but I believe that it is time that we part now, Shinomiya-san, Kotobuki-san, senpais."

Tokiya's voice was calm and polite, but held an underlying frigidity. Ranmaru frowned and Reiji's eyes turned serious as Tokiya looked at all five of them, the latter's blue eyes offering no warmth.

"We will see you all later on."

"E-Ehh? Tokiya!"

"We shall make our leave now."

"You too, Masa?"

"Why are you acting all surprised, Otoya?" Syo snapped, glaring at the panicking Otoya. "It's not like we have anything to do standing here waiting for another fight to explode."

He turned and shot a cold glare at Natsuki, whose eyes widened in sheer hurt.

"I swear you'd better not hold any of us back during that live. If you don't make it a disaster, that is."

"Why you freaking-"

Before Ranmaru could finish cursing, Syo spat out a scoff and stormed towards the direction where Tokiya and Masato were headed. Stuttering an apology for Tokiya, Masato and Syo, Otoya yelled out for Syo to wait up and ran in the hotheaded blond's direction, with Cecil right behind him. With a quiet sigh, Ren patted Natsuki with a look of apology and understanding on his face before bidding them all goodbye and sauntering away, dipping his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Natsuki quietly watched as his band members disappeared from his sight one by one, slowly yet surely and painfully. _The rainbow that only brings sadness now... The rainbow whose colours disappear and leave mine all alone in a hollow and cold sky... It's hurting now, like before, like always..._

_It hurts seeing the colours leave again... and even when I see them again later..._

Ren turned and gave Natsuki one last sad smile before stepping out of the auditorium, leaving the double doors to close heavily on their own.

_It won't... be able to make my heart bright._

"I recall that Camus lost the bet from yesterday's round of games."

"Yeap!" Reiji agreed with a wide grin as Ranmaru smirked at Camus, who let out a heavy sigh but did not try and deny Ai's words. "It was a heated tiebreaker round between him and Ran-Ran, but since Myu-chan lost, today he has to buy us one drink each from the bazaar!"

He turned to Natsuki and smiled brightly as he squeezed his shoulders tightly.

"We all wanted to explore the drinks from that stall that named them all after attributes of a person's heart, right? Now that we have four hours until our lives, let's all go now!"

"Afterwards, we can stop by the kindness letters workshop that you expressed interest in the other day," Ai added, giving Natsuki a slight smile. "There are a number of things on our list that we would like to try out and that would be a pleasant start."

"And I recall the two of us and Mikaze agreeing to try the crepes at the stall near the soccer field. They are bound to be a scrumptious afternoon snack." Camus' lips offered a small smile.

"And we were all gonna jam it out at the karaoke booth even if some of us make a complete fool out of ourselves." Ranmaru folded his arms with a lopsided grin. "So whaddya say, Natsuki?"

Natsuki stared at them with widened eyes, at the sincere smiles on their faces. It was just like the time that Natsuki's wounded arm got shot and bled at the apartment - the four of them were doing what they could to cheer him up and distract him from the pain - as well as countless others times before and after that happened. Moved in the deepest part of his heart, he could already feel happiness swelling inside him like a blooming flower of colours as he smiled warmly at them and nodded, deeply grateful that they had one another.

"Yeap, let's all go to the bazaar together!" Natsuki responded, feeling his own smile and heart brightening. "But um... you don't have to treat me, Myu-chan-senpai; I'm more than okay with buying the drink on my own even though you lost the bet."

"Natsuki, as nice as you are, this is _not_ one of the times to be that nice," Ranmaru spoke with the shake of his head and a wide grin, ruffling Natsuki's blond hair. "It's not everyday that the ice prick agrees to go along with a bet and actually loses, for that matter, so don't let the opportunity go to waste! I can guarantee that Ai, Reiji and I are all gonna make complete use of this, so you should too!"

"As tempting as your offer sounds, I am afraid that I will have to decline," Camus said, facing Natsuki with a polite smile. "As much as I wished that I was not the one who lost this wager, I have to confess that if the roles were reversed, Shinomiya, I would not consider even for a second to do the same thing that you are now to the one who lost, including if it were you." His lips curved into a mischievous smirk. "So do allow me to hold my end of the wager and enjoy yourself, Shinomiya."

"Hear that, Natsuki? He's even willing to hold his end of the bet this time!"

"Yeap!" Reiji beamed as Ai nodded.

Although he still felt partially guilty about Camus paying for everyone's drinks, Natsuki let out a sigh and smiled sincerely before giving them a small nod. "Thank you." They all smiled back and Reiji grabbed Natsuki's hand and began pulling him towards the auditorium doors with Ai, Ranmaru and Camus close behind them. In front of them, the student body of the anti-bullying week committee had started filing into the auditorium with props, decorations and other items in their hands. Most of them recognized Natsuki and the senpais and greeted them with bright smiles on their faces.

_The auditorium and its stage are going to be more colourful by the time we come back._

Ai tugged lightly at the fabric of Natsuki's white cardigan and smiled reassuringly. Natsuki gave him a soft smile in return, wrapping an arm around his teal-haired mentor and best friend.

_At least those colours will be bright to the heart, just like the ones that they illuminate mine with even amidst this sadness._

???

A thunderous guffaw rang out amidst the near silence of the school balcony.

Shining grinned widely, recalling the impact that his announcement had had on eleven particular young idols. The shock, panic, fear, horror and anger from them had all been greatly anticipated by him and he was right to do so, as always. Now all he had to do was leave things to them and see how the cards would unfold, whether with explosions, surprises or sparkles, whether imaginative or insane. That was the fun in life, after all, and it, of course, applied to the world of prestigious talents! With the wind causing his jacket to billow in the cold autumn atmosphere, he looked up at the white clouds, excited as to what the future had in store for tonight's lives.

_STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT, my eleven bright Shining Stars._

_Who shall make the first move for or against the other? Will they act upon stoic professionalism or the inner workings of the heart? Their selfish desires or selfless dedications for their friends? Who will act upon what? What will be the outcome?_

The wind grew stronger, much like desire did overtime, only that it was not at all destructive as of now.

_Will the outcome be what they desire for it to be?_

That was when the ringing of his phone overpowered the sound of the wind. Immediately, Shining reached into his pocket and took his phone out, checking whoever it could be. And in a mere moment in time, his lips spread across his face into a wide grin and a deep laugh escaped his throat.

_Looks like the first move has been made quite early, has it not?_

Natsuki Shinomiya

"If the media caught us all singing the way we had in that booth, we'd be dead by now."

"But I thought we didn't sound that bad!"

"That's wistful thinking, you dunce!"

"What I surmised from that karaoke session is that atrocious singing is somehow equivalent to self-amusement," Ai remarked, tapping on his tablet screen. "Although I still do not understand how it was amusing to the point that Reiji laughed as much as he did. And I have to agree with Ranmaru; it was not at all adequate."

"Indeed."

"Come on, guys! That's not the most important part!"

Reiji laughed and Natsuki chuckled as Ranmaru facepalmed and Camus and Ai shook their heads. They were sitting at a picnic table in a quieter part of the school bazaar, enjoying their snacks and drinks. As promised, Camus had treated everyone to their chosen drinks, and while Camus, Ai and Natsuki bought crepes, Ranmaru got a steak hamburger while Reiji bought matcha and chocolate donuts. As they still had a few hours before the live, they took their time, eating and chatting amidst laughter and protests. It had been Ai's first karaoke and instead of singing the songs seriously like they were in actual live shows, Reiji had started off by singing off-tune to a song mixed with singing and rapping to introduce Ai to the main purpose of karaoke: to let loose and sing however they wanted instead of following the actual rhythm. And it had subsequently led to utter chaos.

But as embarrassed as some of them got, they all ended up smiling and laughing, and that was most important.

"Next time, let's all sing one another's solo songs! I dare Ran-Ran to sing Ai-Ai's 'Winter Blossom'!" Reiji exclaimed with a bright grin.

Ranmaru nearly choked on his latte. "Are you _trying_ to get me killed by Ai, Reiji? But in that case, I'd like to hear you sing Camus' songs!"

"Absolutely not. I will not allow myself to cringe as I watch this fool mutilate the image of my songs with his off-key and ridiculous karaoke mannerisms."

"But it's going to be fun listening to one another singing our songs," Natsuki remarked, smiling brightly as he wrapped an arm around Reiji, who grinned. "I'd like to try singing you guys' songs the next time we have another karaoke!"

"Natsuki, please do not allow yourself to be led astray by Reiji's absurd suggestions."

"Hey! Why do you make me sound like-"

"Natsuki-san! Reiji-san! Guys!"

Natsuki's eyes widened and they turned and saw Eli waving at them as he ran towards their table. "Eli-kun!" Natsuki smiled brightly and gave the younger boy a quick hug, which Eli returned. When they pulled away, however, Natsuki noticed the worry in Eli's amber eyes and turned concerned, his voice softening. "Are you okay, Eli-kun? You look worried about something."

"Um..." Eli twiddled a loose thread from his blue jacket, his voice filled with nervousness. "There's something that I want to talk to you about, Natsuki-san."

"Is it about the song that you're performing on Sunday?" Natsuki asked, tilting his head in confusion.

Eli quickly shook his head. "No, no, that's not it. Um..." He hesitated, lowering his eyes for a moment before looking up again. "It's something that... I'd like to talk to you about alone, Natsuki-san. It... It may take awhile, so it's okay if you're busy right now! But if you are okay with it... is it okay if we talk?"

Eli was a shy and nervous boy, but he did not normally stutter or hesitate nearly as much as he did now. And it sincerely was making Natsuki worry more and more, especially with the emotions intensifying in the little boy's wide amber eyes. Wanting to do all he could to help his dear friend, Natsuki turned to the senpais to ask to leave with Eli and regroup with them later on, but Reiji spoke first.

"You guys go on ahead, Nattsun, Eli-chan."

Reiji gave Natsuki a gentle squeeze on the shoulder and smiled reassuringly.

"Just text us when you're done, Nattsun. Feel free to take all the time you need, alright? We understand."

"And you don't have to be so scared to ask for permission, Eli."

Ranmaru grinned amusedly.

"You ain't in any trouble, kid. And the whole lot of us have your back, you know. So you and Natsuki go on ahead and discuss whatever you need to. We're all good."

Ai smiled and Camus nodded and Natsuki rubbed Eli gently on the back and smiled warmly as he thanked all four of his dearest friends. His eyes widened in surprise, Eli looked around at Natsuki and the senpais before he sighed with relief and nodded with a polite and thankful smile. "Thank you, everyone." Bringing the remainder of his milk tea with him, Natsuki waved goodbye to Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru, who said their byes in return, and walked alongside Eli deeper into the bazaar, one hand on the younger boy's shoulder.

"Is it okay... if we go somewhere a bit quieter, Natsuki-san?" Eli asked.

Natsuki smiled. "Yeap, Eli-kun."

Eli smiled gratefully and Natsuki allowed the boy to lead him to the fountain area of the school, where they could still hear the noise and music from the lively bazaar but it was much more serene and quiet. No one else was there, most likely because of the bazaar, so it was the best place to have their own conversation. They sat next to each other at the edge of the fountain, streams of water cascading rhythmically behind them, and Natsuki kept an arm wrapped consolingly around Eli as he looked at him with a gentle smile, his heart beating with concern towards his friend.

"What is it that you want to talk about, Eli-kun?"

His voice was quiet, not wanting anyone to hear them. Eli looked at Natsuki, his hands clenched on his lap, worry remaining in his eyes, before he let out a quiet breath into the air and answered with a nearly-inaudible voice.

"Are you okay, Natsuki-san?"

Natsuki's eyes widened in pure surprise. "Am I... okay...?" he uttered softly, his heart filled with confusion. "What do you mean, Eli-kun?"

Eli lowered his eyes in pain, his hands unclenching and clenching, the loose thread of his jacket swaying weakly in the soft breeze. Around them, the red and orange leaves trembled a little, like flickering lights.

"Shining-san announced..." he started, "that you have to perform with the rest of STARISH."

Natsuki's heart thudded in his chest as Eli let out a quiet exhale and continued.

"You, Reiji-san, Ai-san and the others told me about what happened between you guys and them and so I couldn't believe it when Shining-san suddenly announced that you'd be performing as a STARISH member tonight. I was shocked... and worried. Very worried. And I still am."

Eli slowly lifted his head to face Natsuki again, his eyes glimmering with deep worry and anguish.

"Are you really okay with performing with them?"

Natsuki smiled faintly. "I can't say no to what Shining-sensei tells us to do, Eli-kun. And as a STARISH member, even if anything happens between us, we all need to perform as best as we can for everyone who is watching. I'd be lying if I say it doesn't hurt, but... I have to do it."

His heart wrenched a little and his smile turned a bit more pained.

"I'll be fine, even if it hurts."

"But Natsuki-san... that's... that's the problem."

Eli shook his head, the emotions in his eyes even more pained now.

"It's been hurting you, hasn't it?" he inquired softly. "Each and every time you see them. Even now, even after so much time has passed. And from what you just told me, Natsuki-san... performing with them isn't going to make everything any better. It won't make your heart smile; it won't give you that feeling that you taught me about. If anything, it'll hurt you even more, and even though I have never been in a band before... I'm really sure that it's not what your band members, let alone friends, are supposed to make you feel. Performing with them isn't supposed to hurt. Performing with them... isn't supposed to feel like it's just an obligation."

Eli clenched his fists tightly, agony sweeping across his face as his eyes remained looking into Natsuki's own. And the emotions in his eyes and words tugged deeply at Natsuki's heartstrings and yet cracked his heart too. _Eli-kun..._

"The thought of them... isn't supposed..." Eli's voice softened, trembling a little, "to make you feel alone."

Natsuki's heart cracked even more at those words, at the broken truth in his friend's soft yet tortured voice. He looked down at his lap, knowing that everything that Eli had said was right. That was exactly what STARISH had made him feel like. Alone, hurt, lonely, isolated... Words and emotions that cracked his heart little by little at times, shattered him apart at other times, leaving him to either break down or hold back his tears inside a heart that he hadn't known how to mend too many times before.

And that... was too much for him to bear alone, to hide behind a bright smile.

"Yeap... Eli-kun."

He nodded slightly, giving Eli a weak smile.

"You're right. It still hurts and even just being with them..." he confessed in a near whisper, "does not make my heart smile at all."

"Natsuki-san..."

Eli's eyes turned even sadder and he placed his small hand on top of Natsuki's own, giving it a light squeeze. Natsuki shook his head with a gentle smile, but did not say anything, unsure what to say or do. Seeing them hurt him on the inside. Being insulted by Syo had wrenched his heart. Talking to them made his voice nearly waver. Thinking of the seven of them onstage didn't make his heart brighten. Thinking of the seven-coloured rainbow that they were to create did not make him smile on the inside. Was this... how it was always going to be? Was he going to always be hurt alone in the group? Was he always be singled out in a rainbow? Was he always feel this sadness, pain and loneliness each moment he had to be with them...? He didn't want this... He never wanted this.

His heart quivered in sorrow and he looked down, the water falling behind him like tears.

_I don't want to keep feeling... this sadness..._

"But... there's a place that you belong in, right, Natsuki-san?"

Natsuki's eyes widened slightly as Eli gave him a faint smile.

"Reiji-san, Ai-san, Ranmaru-san, Camus-san. QUARTET NIGHT. Even though you are not their band member, you guys are best friends; the five of you have the closest, warmest friendship I have ever seen. And I know that they make you smile more than anything and anyone, are there for you no matter what, whether you are laughing or crying. So I've been meaning to ask you, Natsuki-san..."

He squeezed his hand a little tighter.

"What... do you feel about QUARTET NIGHT?"

Reiji Kotobuki

"Reiji, I would like to ask you something."

Ai gently stirred the pale blue milk tea in his plastic cup, his voice soft.

"And I want you to be completely honest with your answer."

"What is it, Ai-Ai?" Reiji asked, puzzled and confused by Ai's sudden change in mood. They were still sitting at the same picnic table, directly across from each other. Natsuki still had not come back from his discussion with Eli, while Ranmaru and Camus had gone to buy more food. There were less people than before around them, but they still had to keep their voices down if they did not want anyone eavesdropping or overhearing what they had to say. Ai looked straight into Reiji's eyes and took a moment of silence before speaking again.

"Spending time like this... in one another's company, looking out for one another, caring this much for one another... it's not something that we did nearly as much as a group before we found Natsuki on that sidewalk, right?"

Reiji's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to ask why Ai was bringing this up now, but the latter continued.

"I have been thinking of the group that we have become, the meaning of words such as 'bonds', 'warmth' and 'friends' that the four of you have taught me, of how precious they are to me now and how insignificant I used to regard them as. And as I contemplated, my mind reversed back to the myriad of times before you took Natsuki in that you had tried to get Camus, Ranmaru and me to bond with you as a four-man group, as QUARTET NIGHT, suggesting more group work, asking to hang out during our spare time, starting conversations in our inactive group chat... and how the three of us used to reject you constantly. How we used to ignore you and you'd laugh it off or complain. All with a bright smile."

Ai's teal eyes were tinged with sadness as his voice held a note of regret.

"Did you... feel alone, Reiji?"

The question immediately pierced Reiji's heart like a cold shard of glass slowly yet audibly diving through him, twisting through him. Gathering his thoughts together, Reiji let out a quiet sigh and gave Ai a slight smile.

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't," he answered, letting out a weak chuckle as he adjusted his grey fedora. "I did, and I hid it behind smiles and laughs like it didn't hurt, though it did, just about all the time. But I never blamed any of you, Ai-Ai. Not even once. And besides..."

He gave Ai a wry smile.

"It's not like I thought I deserved happiness at that time, either."

Ai's eyes were filled with sorrow. "Reiji..."

"But that's all in the past now."

He shook his head and the smile on his face turned warm.

"And it's all thanks to you guys. You, Nattsun, Ran-Ran and Myu-chan. These past few months... have been the happiest times I have had in my life, even amidst all the pain and sorrow. Laughing and crying together, the five of us coming together as one, reaching out for one another through it all... All of it allow me to laugh and smile for real, Ai-Ai, no matter how much I hated myself. We all got to spend time together during idol work and outside of it, even living together now, and I love every bit of it."

But as he spoke, thoughts from before flooded his head and the sadness from before crossed his heart like tides. His lips curled into a sorrowful smile and he lowered his eyes.

"But you know... when the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project ends... we won't be able to work with Nattsun as much."

Ai's eyes widened slightly and he looked down, sadness flashing across his face.

"... yeah."

"Did something happen when we were gone?"

Reiji and Ai turned and saw Ranmaru and Camus approaching the picnic table with a hamburger and crepes respectively, both males frowning.

"'Cause I'm pretty sure you guys were not that gloomy when we left."

Reiji and Ai glanced at each other, and the former was unsure if they should be having this conversation now. However, Ai gave him a small but resolute nod, as though reassuring him that it was okay, and trusting his best friend, Reiji faced Ranmaru and Camus and spoke with a quiet voice and a pained smile.

"We're going to miss Nattsun when the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project ends."

Ranmaru and Camus widened their eyes and in less than a moment, their faces reflected the emotions that Ai and Reiji both felt. Camus averted his eyes away, pain crossing his normally-stoic face, and Ranmaru looked down, clenching his teeth but not in anger. The thoughts of going on tour, singing and dancing onstage, and doing so much more just the four of them and without Natsuki seeped through his head like rainfall and he felt his heart crack like glass, near overwhelmed by the hollow loneliness that those thoughts brought. He loved Natsuki. They all did. And they all were going to miss him, so, so much. If the project not ending meant that Natsuki was going to keep performing with them, Reiji would rather it last for as long as they all remained as idols.

"Guess Ai and I are not the only ones who've been mulling this over."

Ranmaru clasped a hand onto Reiji's shoulder while Camus took a seat next to Ai. He spoke in a low tone that held a hint of sadness.

"This five-man unit being a temporary thing ain't nearly enough for any of us, ain't it? And I guess that means that we all want the same thing and no one has to spell it out to know exactly what I mean."

"Indeed." Camus closed his eyes.

"Yeap."

Reiji nodded, looking around at all of them with a light smile.

"We don't want Nattsun to be in STARISH anymore and it's not just because of what the others have done to him."

Ranmaru, Ai and Camus all faced him and from the looks in their eyes, he knew for sure that they all knew and agreed with what he was saying and about to say.

"We want Nattsun... to join QUARTET NIGHT."

Natsuki Shinomiya

"I was really shocked when I first found out that you were not in one band with Reiji-san and the others."

Eli admitted, smiling slightly.

"When I saw you for the first time at that park, you were with Reiji-san and Ai-san. And when you came to save the forest animals and me, you were with them, Camus-san and Ranmaru-san. All those times, I noticed how much you cared about one another and looked out for one another and would even get hurt if it meant protecting the others. And seeing you guys together, including when you performed in the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT live, made me even more surprised and confused, because your bonds were so, so strong and kept moving my heart. Yuu was shocked too when I told him which bands you guys were in; he had also thought that all five of you were together."

Natsuki stared at Eli in pure surprise as the younger boy's words tugged at his heart. Both boys had mistaken him... to be in the same band as all of QUARTET NIGHT...? The thought of how he, in reality, wasn't and how he was in STARISH made his heart squeeze painfully in his chest, and he was deeply confused, knowing that it had always been that way and yet right now... it was hurting him.

It was hurting him, so, so much... and he didn't understand why it did.

"And from all that I know, STARISH does not make you feel like you are one of their own."

Eli gave Natsuki a sorrowful smile, tugging lightly at the sleeve of his cardigan.

"They didn't treat you like you were on the same level, kept hurting you and leaving you out, sometimes even making you cry alone. And even now, they still do not make you smile on the inside, Natsuki-san, and to be honest... it hurts knowing that you are in one band with them and yet they do not make you happy, even as kind and caring as you are to them. While QUARTET NIGHT, on the other hand... has never done anything to hurt you and have always made you feel like you belong."

He looked straight into Natsuki's eyes, his voice quiet and etched with pain and worry.

"Natsuki-san, you do not have to answer me if it's too personal to you. But please think about this and be honest with your heart. What do you feel about QUARTET NIGHT? And STARISH too. And also..."

He paused for a moment, letting out a soft exhale.

"If you could... would you leave STARISH to join QUARTET NIGHT?"

Natsuki's eyes widened in pure shock at the last question. He had never thought that far or maybe even had the courage to, but now that Eli was asking him this... it was a question that was not going to slip away from his head and heart without being sincerely answered by his own self. As the warm sunshine illuminated the red and orange leaves fluttering in the wind and dancing on the treetops, Natsuki let his eyes remain on them and felt the thoughts flow through him like countless petals and colours.

Starting with STARISH, the group with a name with letters that each of them represented.

_Tokiya-kun, Cecil-kun, Ren-kun, Otoya-kun, Syo-chan, Masato-kun._

STARISH... made him feel like he was a forgotten colour in a bright rainbow. Like he didn't matter nearly as much as everyone else did, like he was walking alone behind them who walked beside one another, with a heart that was hollow, silent and alone even as they laughed and smiled, not caring how much sadness he felt, not caring about the tears that left him cold. With them, he felt like he was standing under sunshine that could not warm him or his heart even a little. Meeting them made his heart waver. Talking with them made him quiver on the inside. And more than once, he had broken down and they were never the ones there to help piece him together. Neither did it really matter if he was truly smiling on the inside. Eli was right. STARISH did not make him feel like he truly belonged. He didn't feel like he belonged with them. He didn't feel like he was one of them.

And to be honest... as much as it hurt deeply... maybe he never truly belonged with them in the first place, and he only realized it when the seven-coloured rainbow did not make him smile on the inside, as he thought of them and could not grasp even a shred of genuine warmth as he did.

_All it brings is pain and sadness that never seem to end. Even as I think of them, even as I wished we could smile together again regardless what happened, even as I think of the rainbow we shared or at least... I thought we shared... Even though the first letter 'S' in 'STARISH' represents me, Shinomiya Natsuki... it doesn't feel like it, not even a little..._

Natsuki felt his hands quiver and Eli gave his left one a gentle squeeze, reassuring him that it was okay.

_This sadness... It left me in pieces that didn't matter to them. But... I wasn't alone. I'm not alone._

Memories of four particular people glowed inside his head past the sorrowful thoughts and his heart softened into a light smile.

_Because... they were here. They are here._

His lips curved into a gentle smile as he watched pink and white flower petals dance in the gentle wind, the sounds of cascading water filling the air, somehow calming him as the thoughts and memories warmed him.

_Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, Maru-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai. The four members of QUARTET NIGHT. My senpais. My closest and dearest friends. With them... I felt so, so much and shared so, so much that words are not enough to describe. We love one another, look out for one another and care about one another more than anything. We share not only the sunshine, smiles, laughs and warmth, but the tears, pain, rainfall and grief. Like how their happiness is mine too and mine is theirs, the same goes for our sadness. It is with them that my heart feels warm, safe and loved all at once. Even though we struggle and have our differences, we piece one another together and remember that we are always here no matter what, that no one leaves anyone behind, with a precious and warm melody that no one can imitate in a place just for us. A place that I can with all my heart call 'home'... all while smiling warmly..._

The memory of the five of them sharing a bro-fist with determined and sincere smiles on their faces at the start of the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project flickered in his head and his heart grew calmer. But a thought came after that calmness and was intertwined with a deep sadness that made him ache on the inside.

_And I want to keep being with them, walking with them, singing, dancing and performing with them, even though I am not a QUARTET NIGHT member. It hurt so much thinking of the fact that the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project would end... and I would be able to perform less with them as I was not in their band, even though I know that I am a STARISH member. I don't want to see it end... I want to be with them, always-_

A soft gasp slipped through his lips as his eyes slowly widened, the realization unravelling before his mind and heart.

_So that's why... it hurts so much..._

Natsuki lowered his eyes, his heart wavering with the painful truth.

_That's what I want more than anything... but I'm not sure... it's even possible._

"Natsuki-san, are you o-"

"I would, Eli-kun."

He turned to Eli, whose amber eyes were widened in pure surprise, completely certain of the truth now, the truth that he should have understood much sooner, his voice quiet.

"More than anything, if I could, I would join QUARTET NIGHT, no matter what."

Eli's expression softened in understanding and Natsuki smiled gently and squeezed the little boy's hand a bit. But he felt his heart ache at the uncertain possibility of it ever happening, of his wish being fulfilled.

"But... I'm not sure it can happen."

"What do you mean, Natsuki-san?" Eli asked, his eyes concerned.

Natsuki smiled weakly at Eli, sorrow wrenching his heart.

"It's not... that simple. It's difficult to move from one band to another, Eli-kun. The fans will get upset, hurt and mad because they think that moving means that friendships are broken or aren't really there, that they have been betrayed, and it also leads to them hating on the idols. I know that many will hate me if I move, but what I do not want is them hating Rei-chan-senpai and everyone else I love and care about. I don't want them to be in pain because of me. And not only that, but I'm not sure that Shining-sensei will allow it or approve of it, and I also know that QUARTET NIGHT is called 'QUARTET' for a reason and it has been the four of them for years and they have their own special chemistry that I don't want to ruin. And..."

His heartbeat was laced with pain and sadness as the image of his four dearest friends flashed inside his head like warm colours.

"... I don't know... if they even feel the same way. I just don't want to bring them any pain or sadness. They don't deserve that, even if it means me not being able to b-"

"But if this is making you sad and hurt, I'm sure that they would want to know."

Eli squeezed Natsuki's hand tightly and gave him a sincere smile, his eyes glimmering with understanding.

"All of them. Because from what I have seen, no matter how painful things are, it doesn't matter nearly as much as you matter to them. It's just like the time in the forest you wanted to treat my wounds even when you were injured yourself; the pain that you felt did not matter as much as knowing that I was okay. And that's exactly what you guys feel about one another; I can tell."

Eli's smile softened.

"And besides... I think that they feel the same as you do. They all looked so, so happy when they performed in lives with you, and I could feel the emotions radiating from the five of you. That chemistry was so powerful, and it's because of the bond that you guys share; it's reflected in everything you do. But regardless if you become their band member..."

He pulled Natsuki into a tight hug.

"With them, you love and are loved, just like you guys said in the prologue of your main unit project video."

"Yeap, Eli-kun."

With tears threatening to fall from his eyes, Natsuki smiled warmly and closed his eyes, his feelings clear and warm and radiant inside his heart, like the sunshine in the place just for them, the place that he called "home" and always would, no matter how many tears fell.

"They are my home, no matter what."

So with that, Natsuki made up his mind. Today, he was going to have one last live with STARISH. One last live where he was to create a seven-coloured rainbow that made everyone who watched smile but him feel pain on the inside. The seven-coloured rainbow that he did not belong in, that made him feel all alone and broken. And after that, he would tell STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT what he really felt, regardless of how each of them responded. Because no matter what, what mattered the most was not going to change.

He smiled warmly.

And that... was what it meant to smile with his heart.

Reiji Kotobuki

"So we're all in agreement, right?"

"Yeap," Reiji answered, nodding with a light smile. "The five of us are gonna talk about this right after tonight's live shows. At the apartment, once everyone has calmed down and are well-rested, 'cause it's gonna be a long discussion and we need our minds and hearts all ready."

He looked around at all of them and felt his lips soften into a gentler smile.

"No amount of sadness matters more than Nattsun does to us."

Ranmaru, Ai and Camus all nodded without any doubt or hesitation, their smiles determined and sincere, as the four of them pulled themselves up from the picnic table. They all knew and understood that what they wanted did not come without a heavy price. Heated discussions and arguments with Shining, disapproval, hatred and rage from the fans who did not try to understand them, cruel and false rumours all aimed at them and Natsuki... But none of that mattered as much as how they and Natsuki felt towards one another. Natsuki was their closest and dearest friend who had touched all their hearts countless of times and been there for them even if it meant getting hurt himself. He loved them selflessly, cared for them with all his heart, would do anything for them, and they all felt the exact same way towards him, even if some of them did not show it in obvious ways. Knowing that Natsuki's live was going to be especially painful for him, the four of them decided to buy him something from the bazaar and give it to him afterwards.

_The seven-coloured rainbow will not ever make you feel sad again._

Reiji's heart welled up with pure warmth and radiance as he draped an arm around Ai, who gave him a slight smile, and Camus pointed out a few stalls that Natsuki might like.

_Because we'll make sure you won't have to go back there ever again. You are our warmth, light and colour all at once, and you can bet that we are not letting go or taking those words back no matter what._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Natsuki-san, it's almost time for us to go backstage to prepare for the live shows!"

"Yep," Natsuki responded with a light smile, nodding in agreement as they pulled themselves off the edge of the fountain. "So let's go together, Eli-kun. I'll text Rei-chan-senpai and the others and ask where they are so we can meet up and go together."

Eli smiled up at Natsuki, his eyes glimmering as he tugged at the latter's cardigan.

"Yep, thank you-"

"There he is!"

Natsuki nearly flinched at the sound of that loud and familiar voice as Eli froze. His eyes dilating, Natsuki spun around and saw Syo, Masato and Tokiya approaching them, the shorter blond pointing a finger directly at him. _Ren-kun, Cecil-kun and Otoya-kun are not with them?_ Shocked and confused, Natsuki was about to greet them when Tokiya spoke before he had the chance to.

"As you know, Shinomiya-san, the live show is going to start in less than thirty minutes."

Natsuki nodded, uncertain as to why Tokiya was bringing this up. "Yeap, I know-"

"But you aren't performing, Shinomiya-san."

His heart froze, but he managed to ask softly, "... what... what do you-"

"I'm pretty sure that even with as moronic and empty as your head is, you remember the rules of the group from Shining-sensei," Syo cut in, his words as sharp as they were cruel.

Natsuki stared at him in utter shock and hurt. "What rule are you t-"

"The three of us gave Shining-sensei a call earlier," Masato explained, his tone devoid of any warmth, just like the look in his blue eyes. "The rules say that if any of us, even if it is only one of us, does not approve of a person being in our group, that person simply cannot be permitted, under any circumstances, to be granted acceptance in our group. Just like back when Aijima was first accepted into STARISH. All of us approved of him, which was why he became our seventh member. And in this situation..."

His eyes narrowed coldly as his words were quiet but harsh.

"The three of us adamantly _object_ to you being in our group, and that includes you performing with us during this live."

Natsuki's eyes widened in pure hurt as his heart cracked audibly in his chest. He... He was unable to believe that they had gone behind his back and decided to leave him out like this, that they had the heart to do so, that he was hearing everything that was-

"The look on your face says that you are still being an absolute moron to this, so let me get this freaking straight, Natsuki."

Syo looked him in the eye, glaring at him without a shred of mercy, knowing exactly how much his words hurt and yet did not care at all.

"You're useless to all of us." His tone was cold. "So with this live, we are gonna make our statement that STARISH is better off without you, for you are freaking _worthless_."

_"True smiles, true tears_

_"I love you" is all that can be found"_

\- "Southern Cross Waltz" by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kishow Taniyama)


	40. Night of the Fireflies

Natsuki Shinomiya

"You're useless to all of us."

Syo declared coldly, not a single trace of mercy in kindness in his voice.

"So with this live, we are gonna make our statement that STARISH is better off without you, for you are freaking _worthless_."

Natsuki felt agony and betrayal twist through his heart like a spiral of broken glass, his heartbeat bleeding with the hurt, a lump forming in his throat as his hands quivered even though he wished they did not. _Useless. Worthless._ Syo's words made his head and heart throb like the cold ripples of water being pierced by knives and they echoed and repeated over and over, torturing him, knowing that Syo meant it when he said it, that fact making him bleed again and again. And seeing how Masato and Tokiya's stares remained as unwavering as they were relentless and piercing through him, Natsuki knew that they thought the same about him. Even though he loved and cared about them as his friends. Even though they shared a bond that while severed, was still precious to him.

Countless thoughts whirled inside his head like a broken storm, but the sentences wouldn't piece themselves together.

Even though... he believed that they were still kind.

"The main unit project for the ongoing STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project brought us an epiphany that we should have realized much sooner."

Tokiya folded his arms, his tone devoid of any warmth.

"STARISH is much more successful and efficient without you, Shinomiya-san. The fandom had a sudden spike in growth when we released the first music video without you and countless have expressed that not only have we improved, but that this arrangement is better off permanent. And as you can tell, Kurusu-san, Hijirikawa-san and I do not disagree."

He looked Natsuki in the eye, his stare as calm as it was indifferent.

"You are not necessary to STARISH. In fact, more than anything, you have held us back from achieving as much as we could have, and if we had known that sooner, we would not have bothered trying to bring you back and have requested your termination by now."

Natsuki stared at Tokiya quietly as the emotions shattered him on the inside, his eyes wide with sheer hurt. "Tokiya-kun, why did you-"

"Tablo Ozrock was right about you after all."

Syo let out a mocking laugh, the all-too familiar name of the person who had broken him bringing an icy chill down Natsuki's spine. And knowing exactly what Syo meant, Natsuki did his best to hide the tears that were threatening to slip down his face, his heart crying alone.

_Syo-chan... how could you-_

"You are a _burden_ after all."

His tone condescending, Syo sneered as Natsuki flinched, Ozrock's laughs relentlessly overshadowing his head like the screams of ravens, and he did his best to not waver at the memories that his own friend was intentionally bringing up to hurt him like this as the cascading of water behind him began to sound more like cries being dissolved by cold, cold waves.

"I shouldn't have taken those words back or felt bad for saying it during that photo shoot. Because that's exactly what you are, Natsuki." Syo let out a cold laugh. "And what you've been and is why we should have gotten freaking rid of you a long time a-"

"What kind of people are you?"

Natsuki's eyes dilated at the sound of Eli's exclaim, the younger boy's voice raised with hurt and anger. He immediately turned to Eli and found his friend staring at Syo, Tokiya and Masato with amber eyes flooded with disbelief, sadness and anger all at once, his teeth gritted, his fists clenched tightly as his body quivered.

"People do not say such things to hurt others. Friends do not torture their own like this!" Eli yelled.

"Mind your freaking business, you dimwitted brat," Syo shot back, glaring at Eli. "You sound like an even bigger moron than he does."

"I won't stand down if you keep hurting Natsuki-san!"

"And you think I care?"

"How could you not care that you're hurting h-"

"Kurusu, we need to head back to the auditorium."

Masato's voice cut through the argument like a slice of wind and the blue-haired pianist tucked his cellphone back into his pocket.

"Jinguji is asking where we all are."

"And we need time for them to adjust themselves to this new arrangement," Tokiya remarked as Syo shot Eli a dark scowl. "We'd better make our way back now." As Syo and Masato turned away towards the direction that they had come from, Tokiya faced Natsuki with a cold gaze. "And Shinomiya-san, if you are thinking that Ren, Aijima-san and Otoya will vouch for you, it's remarkably laughable."

Tokiya smiled, but there was no sincerity behind it.

"They will come to realize that you aren't anything to us. I guarantee it."

Without another word, Tokiya turned his back on Natsuki and began sauntering away from the fountain, his pace steady and indifferent as he kept up with Masato and Syo. No one looked back even once. No one said goodbye. No one... cared to. His heartbeat remained broken and cold as he waited until they had disappeared into the bazaar to let out a cold, trembling exhale, their words making him bleed, their cold gazes and actions caging his heart in a slow, agonizing barrage of colours that could never make his heart bright or smile. Trying to keep his tears within himself, Natsuki looked down at Eli, who was staring up at him with sheer hurt and worry in his amber eyes, and did his best to smile despite the silent cries of his heart as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Everyone is preparing for the live shows."

Natsuki reached his hand towards him and squeezed Eli's shoulder gently, his voice quiet with unspoken pain that he was sure was seen in his eyes and smile, whether he wished for them to or not.

"You have to go or you'll be late." His words faltered a bit, but he didn't stop. "You go first, Eli-kun."

Eli shook his head in utter protest, gripping Natsuki's hand tightly. "But Natsuki-san, after what just happened, you're not okay. And I can't and won't go knowing that you-"

"The show has to go on, Eli-kun," Natsuki urged softly, giving Eli a faint smile. "And it can't go on without you. Everyone is going to worry if you're not there. And it has to go on... no matter what I feel." His heart squeezed painfully, but he went on. "While you're gone, I'll try... and pull myself together. I promise."

"But Natsuki-san-" Eli tried.

"Please, Eli-kun."

The tears were threatening to fall, pushing even harder than before, but Natsuki did all he could to hold them back as he softly urged Eli to go. "This is for me too. The show will make everyone happier, and I don't want to stop that." Eli's eyes were wide with pure sadness and agony, but soon he gave in and nodded at him. Whispering for Natsuki to stay strong, Eli pulled him into a tight hug, wrapping his arms around his waist for a few seconds before reluctantly letting go. He still looked uncertain and hurt, but Natsuki smiled and assured him that it was okay, telling him to go, and Eli, as though staying would make him change his mind, clenched his teeth in pain and sprinted towards the direction of the bazaar, his footsteps disappearing nearly as quickly as they were heard, just like the warmth of their brief hug. And now Natsuki stood alone in the fountain area, with no one around to find him there, with no one to see him like this, which he needed right now more than anything. If anyone saw him like this, it would only bring even more pain and chaos to the entire situation, and he didn't want that, even if it meant him trying to piece himself back together on his own.

_So... I don't have to create one last seven-coloured rainbow with them after all..._

He let himself slide down to the soft grass and his back press against the cold surface of the fountain wall, staring up at the leaves that quivered in the wind, at the sky gazing at him with pink, orange and yellow colours that would have made him smile on any other day, but now only made everything seem even more painful as his heart beat and wavered.

_Because they decided... to leave me behind... before I could say anything._

Slowly, warm droplets of tears slipped from the back of his eyes and rolled down his cheeks as the light of the sunset fell upon him, the shadows of the trees and fountains darkening the soft patches of grass of the silent, lonely area like Tokiya, Syo and Masato's words did to his heart. A soft sniffle escaped his lips quietly and he felt his shoulders tremble, followed by his hands and the rest of his body, trapped within the broken pieces of himself, within the hurt that they knew that they caused as they said and did all those things to him, their gazes cold and mocking and hurtful.

_The truth is... I don't miss you guys. I'm hurt not because I miss you, or because I want to remain in STARISH, or because I wanted to form one last rainbow with you even if it broke my heart doing so. None of that is true. None of that is why this sadness and pain are here, breaking me little by little as I think of you and the warmth and kindness that weren't there..._

He wrapped his arms around his knees tightly and buried his head as the tears ran down his face, the warmth bound to turn cold, his heartbeat intertwined with the broken cadence of a betrayal that he never expected from them.

_It hurts... because you didn't care at all. Because you don't, because no matter what... I never thought you guys would try to hurt me like this. And you did... behind my back and right in front of me. And now you are going to smile and laugh together..._

He squeezed his eyes shut, the cold wind howling to him and yet felt too unreachable to grasp.

_As I cry alone in this light that will soon disappear._

Reiji Kotobuki

"You know, seeing that this bazaar is halfway towards its end is already making me sad."

"We still have tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday to explore its stalls," Ai reminded Reiji as more and more people left the bazaar, most likely to head towards the auditorium where the preparations for the live were underway. "And we got the addresses and social media profiles of the official shops of the stalls that we took a liking to, so even after the bazaar ends, we can still locate their shops."

"Can't disagree with ya there," Reiji admitted, rubbing the back of his neck with a light smile as Camus folded his arms and Ranmaru threw away his plastic cup into the trash bin. "Though it's not quite the same as having a mini adventure like the ones we've been having all week."

Ai let out a quiet laugh. "I cannot disagree."

Reiji laughed.

Vzzt!

His phone suddenly vibrated, interrupting their conversation. Curious as to who it could be, Reiji took his phone out of his pocket and his eyes widened in surprise and confusion. "It's Eli-chan." Ai's eyes widened as Ranmaru and Camus glanced at each other in puzzlement and Reiji immediately took the call, although a particular question was already wandering his head.

 _Isn't he supposed to be with Nattsun?_ "Hello?"

"Reiji-san!"

"Yeap, it's me, Eli-chan," Reiji said, surprised by the anxious voice that was speaking to him. "Did something happen? You sound rather-"

"That's him. Eli, over here!"

Ranmaru's shout caused Reiji to spin around, only to find Eli halting in his footsteps just a few metres away from them, his phone near his ear. Without hesitation, the four of them all ran towards Eli, who rushed towards them, and they all stopped in front of the picnic benches. Eli inhaled and exhaled heavily, looking up at all of them as his body quivered. But what shocked Reiji more than anything was the sheer anguish in the little boy's wide amber eyes and immediately, Reiji placed a hand on the boy's shoulder, his gut sensing that something was deeply wrong, and asked, "Eli-chan, what happened? And where is Nattsun-"

"Natsuki-san..." Letting out a sharp exhale, Eli lowered his eyes, clenching his teeth for a moment. "Natsuki-san... He... He was on the verge of crying."

Reiji stared at Eli in utter shock, agony wrenching his heart. "What do you mean?"

"We were... we w-were-"

"Calm down, Eli," Ai gently told Eli even though his teal eyes were filled with worry. "Take a deep breath and gather your thoughts in one place before you continue. You said that Natsuki is near tears. What made that happen?"

As Eli inhaled and exhaled, Reiji turned and saw Camus frowning deeply and Ranmaru's heterochromatic eyebrows deeply furrowed, both of their faces explicitly saying that this was anything but okay. And with all honesty, Reiji knew that he and Ai were on the exact same page as they were and that more than anything, no one was leaving until they were sure that their best friend was okay.

"When we were at the fountain area..." Eli started after calming down, even though his voice still faltered, "three of his band members came." Ranmaru cursed softly as Reiji's heart clenched, knowing that this was no good. "Ichinose, Hijirikawa and Kurusu. They came alone and all told Natsuki-san that he was not performing in the live, that they have talked to Shining-san behind his back and agreed that... that..."

Eli gritted his teeth, a tortured look in his eyes.

"That... he was useless... to STARISH..." he uttered, his tone wavering, "and so he is no longer their band member."

Reiji's eyes dilated in utter agony, his heart freezing in his chest, as Ranmaru yelled, "What?" his anger blazing in his voice like flames. Within less than a moment, deep anguish seeped through his blood and lanced through his heart like ice, and it was accompanied by pure anger and sorrow as the cadence of his heartbeat darkened at the fact that his best friend had emotionally wounded like that.

_All this time, they have tortured and hurt Nattsun so, so much and made him feel so alone even though they're his band members and friends and now..._

Reiji gritted his teeth.

 _Now they've decided to just_ abandon _him?_

"Allow me to clarify this."

Camus' voice was colder than ice as his eyes were narrowed with an unforgiving stare. Beside him, Ai's eyes were widened slightly in deep pain and concern.

"Kizuna, you are saying that those three insolent peasants, without any form of warning or decency, agreed to band together against Shinomiya and dispose him from their band behind his back?"

Eli nodded, his teeth clenched in pain. "That's true, Camus-san."

"And they called him 'useless'?" Ranmaru's voice was furious.

"More than once," Eli answered, the pain amplifying in his quiet voice. "They called him 'worthless' too and Kurusu said something about this person named Tablo Ozrock being right about Natsuki-san, that Natsuki-san had always been a burden, when none of that was true at all! And the three of them knew how much they were hurting Natsuki-san and kept doing so even when I tried to stop them and Natsuki-san was so, so hurt by all of them! They didn't just ban him from joining the live; they already got Shining-san's approval for him to be excluded from the whole group and said that he wasn't anything to them and that Ren-san and the others would think so too."

A flash of anger and hurt flickered in Eli's kind eyes.

"How could they do that to their own _friend_?" he whispered, his words faltering a little.

"That's because they don't care for Nattsun nearly as much as they care about themselves."

He wrapped his fingers a little tighter around the blond boy's shoulder and squeezed it gently.

"Even though Nattsun cares about them more than himself... and they know that."

Eli lowered his eyes in sheer pain as Reiji felt his own heart tortured and angered by what had happened to Natsuki when they were not with him, pain diving deeper and deeper as the moments of anguish faded by like the waning light of the evening sky. But dwelling in the emotions that they all felt right now... wasn't going to help their dearest friend, who was suffering alone right now, which was the last thing that they ever wanted for him. Letting out a long exhale despite all the thoughts spinning around his head, Reiji did his best to remain calm as he gently asked Eli what they all needed to know. "Where is Nattsun now?"

"He was still at the fountain area when I left," Eli answered, lowering his eyes. "He told me to go first. He said that the show had to go on and that he would try to pull himself together when I was gone. He..." His shoulders quivered. "Even when I didn't want to leave, he kept assuring me that it was okay. He even said 'please' towards the end. That's why... I called you, Reiji-san. Because he was so hurt and I didn't want him to be alone like that."

"And he won't be." Ai's voice was quiet but resolute. "Not as long as he has us."

"Precisely," Camus agreed, his tone serious. He looked down at Eli with an equally-serious expression. "Kizuna, if I am not mistaken, the surprise has yet to be announced, am I correct?"

Eli nodded. "Yep, it hasn't."

"Good." Ranmaru grunted, his arms crossed as he narrowed his eyes. "In that case, we need ya to do us a favour. Tell the staff that QUARTET NIGHT ain't performing today. That we ain't showing. If anyone objects, tell those punks that it will be literal genocide to announce the surprise when we have no intention on coming, and if that ain't clear enough for them, give us a ring and we'll handle it."

"If anyone insists that we have to perform, please tell them that we really can't today and to postpone it to another day of this anti-bullying week," Reiji added, looking straight at Eli. "Because none of us are going to that live when Nattsun has been hurt like that. He matters so much more to us than any live in the world and that will never change. So can you please do that for us while we go find and look after Nattsun, Eli-chan?"

"Yep."

Eli nodded without hesitation, his pained eyes lit up with sheer determination.

"All for you guys and Natsuki-san."

"Thank you, Eli-chan." Reiji nodded with a light smile on his face, ruffling the boy's blond hair. That was when a thought crossed his mind. "Oh, and one more thing."

He took off his grey fedora and gently placed it on Eli's head, the little boy's eyes widening in confusion.

"Wear this. So that STARISH, particularly those three who have hurt our dear Nattsun," Reiji's tone turned dark, "know that we know."

Eli's eyes widened, but he nodded in understanding. "Got it, Reiji-san. And um... before you guys go, I'd like to ask you one last thing..."

His lips curved into a slight smile.

"Please... take care of Natsuki-san... and help him smile again, everyone."

Reiji's heart softened as he smiled gently and tousled Eli's hair. Standing with him, Ranmaru, Ai and Camus were smiling too, sincerely.

"We always will." He gave Eli one last squeeze on the shoulder before straightening himself up. "And thank you for telling us about what happened and looking out for Nattsun. I'm pretty sure he was going to wait until after the live to tell us, as painful as his kindness is, when more than anything, we want and need to be there for him. So you telling us about it was really needed."

Gazing down at Eli, Reiji smiled warmly.

"You're the best kouhai Nattsun could ever have, even if you aren't officially his kouhai just yet."

Eli's eyes widened, but his lips soon parted to form a bright smile that shone in his eyes too. He nodded at them one last time, promising that he would be sure to update them and Natsuki about how the lives went, and ran towards the school building, his blue jacket swaying in the wind as his footsteps diminished in sound and his shadow in size. Reiji, Ranmaru, Camus and Ai then all turned to one another and without needing to say a word, nodded resolutely and sprinted in the opposite direction, towards the fountain area.

_The sun is setting, in colours that will soon fade into the dark no matter how bright they seem now._

His heart palpitating in his chest, Reiji willed himself to run faster, knowing that Ai, Camus and Ranmaru were right behind and beside him, knowing that right now, nothing was more important than ending a sadness that should never have been caused in the first place, ending the loneliness and suffering that their dearest friend was tortured by in his heart thanks to people that he had placed before and above himself, and with all their hearts, they were all going to put an end to it, together.

_But all of us are going to illuminate your kind and broken heart with colours that will never die no matter how much time has passed, no matter how many stars have disappeared into the night like ephemeral fireworks and moonlight. And tonight will end... with a radiant smile glowing in your heart and from the bottom of mine, of all ours..._

The thoughts of tears, silent cries and broken pieces wrenched his heart painfully, especially with the memories of warm tears running down Natsuki's face as he wavered before his eyes, but all of it also made him even more determined to find Natsuki as soon as possible, to take away all the sadness and betrayal and anguish that others had caused him.

_That matters the most and is the only thing that will able to truly light up our skies, for we will never be able to smile with all our heart if you can't, Nattsun... Our kindest, dearest Nattsun._

Satsuki Shinomiya

More than anything, right now, Satsuki was livid. Furious. Burning in utter rage. This was one of the few instances that he ever recalled being this angry, and he knew that he blew his temper too many times to even count. He had not forced himself into the surface or tried to, but he sure had been watching everything from the depths of Natsuki's consciousness, and the way that those three particular vile morons had straight-up dumped Natsuki into the gutter with wounds that they had inflicted onto his heart and left him there to suffer alone made Satsuki want to yank them all back by the collar and freaking shove his fist as hard as he could into each and every one of their mouths, especially the short kid's one. And as the fire that blazed in his heart continued to fuel itself with each passing second, Satsuki clenched his teeth as he watched over Natsuki, who was all alone in the fountain area, staring down at the grass with tears blurring his eyes and shards of a broken heart making him bleed within his soul.

 _You have no idea how I wish that I could talk to you right now like I had back when my mistakes had made you black out_ , Satsuki thought, lowering his eyes as Natsuki hugged his knees even tighter. _That I could tell you to forget about those dimwits and stop caring about them, to cry as you need to and know that they don't matter, that they do not deserve you and not the other way around. Though you can't hear me say it, I hope that you can feel it from within at least a little, as it's the strongest way that I can be there for you now._

He clenched his fists, but not out of anger rather than determination.

_And that you soon realize... that there's a silver lining from this._

That, more than anything, was one of the main reasons why Satsuki was restraining himself from storming over to Syo, Tokiya and Masato and beating them to a pulp when the opportunity presented itself. Although Natsuki clearly did not notice it, Satsuki sure did and it somewhat calmed him down thinking of it, even though he was far, far away from forgiving those three even the slightest bit. Satsuki knew where Natsuki belonged and did not. Satsuki knew where Natsuki wanted to be and did not. Satsuki knew whom exactly... Natsuki loved more than anything and anyone. So while he was beyond angry at those three for kicking Natsuki out, Satsuki did see that by some miracle... they were actually making things a bit easier for Natsuki. Since they had kicked him out...

Natsuki did not have to go through the process of saying that he wanted to quit and suffering because of it, and knowing that made Satsuki a little happier for him.

_I don't know where you four senpais are, but you're coming here. I know it._

Closing his eyes, Satsuki felt his own expression soften a little amidst the pain and anger that he felt, knowing that Natsuki would not be crying alone soon.

_Though I may not be around to say it... ya got my blessing. So you all had better take care of him with all your heart and make sure that... he can finally be home._

Natsuki Shinomiya

_The sunset is gone... much sooner than I thought it would be._

Natsuki stared up at the sky that was now painted in a deep Prussian blue close to black, illumined by the fountain area's white streetlamps, no longer accompanied by those warm yellows, pinks, oranges and reds that while had not consoled him, were beautiful anyway.

_Is it that the light faded away too soon... or the time dissolved too quickly into my tears?_

Letting out a quiet and shaky breath, he felt himself get up from the grass and walk aimlessly around the area, uncertain as to what to do, unsure when and how he would bring himself to watch the live show, particularly the one belonging to the band with three friends that he had been abandoned by. He wanted to at least support Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru, Camus, Eli and Ren and the others, even if the sadness would only grow watching the live show alone. The wind howled forlornly, a low yet sorrowful sound that made the leaves quiver, as he lowered his eyes, sorrow and anguish flashing across his heart like the countless thoughts in his head.

_When the live is over... how should I tell Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, Myu-chan-senpai and Maru-chan-senpai everything...? How do I tell them what happened and everything that I feel right now? Including that I now know that I want to be in their band, in QUARTET NIGHT? That it's not because I was left behind by Syo-chan and the others, that it was so much more than that? That I want to be with them? That I want to be with them and do not want to hurt them by wanting so?_

Tilting his head up to the glow of a white streetlamp, Natsuki inhaled and exhaled slowly, warm tears welling up all over again as his shoulders quivered.

_I need to piece it all together... I need to try and do so now, on my own..._

"Nattsun. Nattsun!"

Natsuki's eyes slowly widened at the sound of that worried voice, unsure if he was hearing it or just imagining it as his thoughts disappeared into the back of his head. "Nattsun!" A quiet gasp slipped out of his lips and he swivelled around, only for his eyes to dilate at the sight of four particular males sprinting towards him from the direction to the bazaar, their pants and breaths breaking the silence of the cold autumn night like a disjointed yet soft rhapsody that he could hardly believe he was even hearing right now.

"Rei-chan-sen-"

Before he could even finish, Natsuki was engulfed in a tight and warm hug, a pair of arms wrapped tightly around him, a face buried in his shoulder deeply. His eyes widened in pure shock and disbelief, Natsuki tried to speak even as the warmth of his best friend's hold shrouded him, knowing that the four of them had a matter in hand. "Guys, you have a live show-" But he was gently shushed as someone hugged him gently from behind and a hand was clasped on top of his head. And a hand curled its fingers firmly around his shoulder, squeezing it tightly, giving no sign of letting go anytime soon. That was when a deep breath was released into the cold air and a voice spoke.

"Eli told us what happened, Natsuki."

Ai's words were calm and quiet, and Natsuki wasn't shocked that they knew it from Eli; Eli had been really hurt and worried when he left Natsuki by the fountain. "But Ai-chan, guys, you're already late-"

"Nope, we ditched it," Ranmaru cut in, his calloused hand tousling Natsuki's hair. "The kid's taking care of things for us, so there's no problem on our side. And even if there's any issue over there, we ain't leavin', 'cause it doesn't matter."

"Our only regret is that we did not realize what happened and come to your stead sooner," Camus spoke, his fingers tightening around Natsuki's shoulder. "However, now that we are here, do note that any attempt to try and convince us to go backstage and prepare for the live show will be rendered futile, for our minds are set."

"We won't let you cry alone. We won't ever leave you alone," Reiji assured Natsuki, his voice a near whisper laced with pain, gentleness and sincerity all at once, his hands running up and down Natsuki's back slowly and soothingly. "What Syo, Toki and Hijirin did to you was so, so cruel, Nattsun, but we mean it when we say that we will never leave you alone or behind. We will never abandon you or think that you're useless or worthless or any other cruel word you can think of. Because you matter so, so much to us, Nattsun; more than anything and anyone. You're our kindest and dearest Nattsun and nothing can or will ever change that. We love you so, so much..."

Natsuki could feel his heart quiver and waver at everyone's warm and genuine words and emotions as the tears welled up all over again and slipped down his cheeks for an entirely different reason, and in his ear, Reiji's voice grew quieter with emotion.

"Always remember that as long as you smile with your heart... we will too, Nattsun, and that we won't if you won't... alright?"

Not long after those words filled his heart, Natsuki finally allowed his eyes to fall into a gentle close as he quietly wrapped his arms around Reiji and placed one hand on top of Camus', warm tears falling down his cheeks like stars that could finally burn after hiding in the dark for too long. "I d-didn't want you... to be s-sad-" Ai stopped him by whispering that none of this was his fault, that if there was anyone to blame, it was the three STARISH members who had gone behind his back to abandon him. Camus quietly but sternly told Natsuki to stop being so selfless, with Ranmaru agreeing with the baron. Quivering with emotion and tears, Natsuki nodded into Reiji's shoulder and barely managed to whisper, "Thank you... for not leaving me." And the responses were gentle whispers and mutters of agreement, along with the warm words "Never, Nattsun". Those words, these emotions, this warmth...

It was coming from them... when he could truly believe it.

It was minutes later when the five of them all slowly pulled away, allowing the four senpais and Natsuki to face each other. With a soft smile on his face, Reiji reached out for Natsuki's hand and gave it a tight squeeze, asking quietly, "The river where you watched the stars calms you down, doesn't it?" Natsuki gave him a slight nod and Ai squeezed his shoulder with a faint smile as Camus and Ranmaru smiled knowingly.

"Then let's go there now, Natsuki."

He cracked a smile at that and nodded before the five of them started walking beside one another to the basement where Reiji had parked his car. Throughout the entire walk, Reiji did not let go of his hand, and like the memories that they shared in the fountain area, as Natsuki tightened his fingers around Reiji's and felt Ai wrap his arm around his back...

His heart was unwaveringly warm. In its emotions, its heartbeat, everything.

Tears welled up in his eyes as Reiji squeezed his hand with a warm smile, Ranmaru pointed out that they still had the picnic blankets in the backseat, and Camus and Ai suggested to order takeaway drinks from their favourite cafe, and a soft smile of his own spread across his lips like starlight and softened as they noticed and smiled back.

_Even as it falters at a cadence of sadness from time to time._

Ren Jinguji

_So... this is what our seven-man group has come down to._

Ren chuckled bitterly, shaking his head as his fingers tightened around the cold railing.

_A group that sacrifices and sabotages its own member in the last minute. Not to mention, behind the others' backs too. All while using an established rule against him. Really impressive. To the point that I don't even know what to say._

To say that he was angry and disappointed was unremarkably understating the boiling, blood-curdling emotions that he felt towards this entire farce. He had had a bad feeling in his gut when he did not see Natsuki, whom, besides the instances when he got lost, was quite the early bird, backstage, but he had brushed it off, thinking that he would show up with Ranmaru and the other senpais eventually. However, the ominous feeling only intensified when Tokiya asked Ren, Otoya and Cecil to meet him, Syo and Masato at one of the deserted classrooms, saying that they had an announcement to make. And it was during the meeting when Ren could hardly believe what he was hearing, what those three had gone ahead and done. They had talked to Shining, manipulated a rule against one of their own, and thanks to that...

Natsuki was no longer a STARISH member.

Even as one of the calmest of the group, Ren had raised his voice against Tokiya, Masato and Syo, demanding to know just what they could _possibly_ be thinking, defending Natsuki as he yelled that that kind, innocent blond had done nothing wrong and did not deserve to be treated like this. Cecil and Otoya had taken Ren's side and argued along, both of them yelling that those three had gone behind their backs and Natsuki's and had now hurt everyone. But neither of the three regretted a single part of it, much to Ren's cold anger. In fact, they all wished that they had done it sooner. And if he had snapped any further, Ren might have grabbed Syo by the collar simply for uttering a string of words that should never come out of anyone's mouth.

 _He's useless!_ Syo had snapped, scowling deeply. _Can't you all see that already? And that's exactly what we're gonna be_ proving _to everyone tonight! Or are you all gonna sabotage this band for him, huh?_

Unable to bear being in that room arguing any further, Ren had coldly excused himself and went up the elevator to the school's balcony for fresh air, knowing that he had more than enough time to pull himself together as STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT were going last. His chest was painful and heavy as he let out a cold sigh, unable to quite grasp what this band had come to. To think that they were expected to perform "Maji Love 2000%", the song that marked the blooming of a seven-man band that Cecil had just become a part of then, a song filled with joy and life and colours, with one member already abandoned and left behind... Ren hated it. He truly did. Every inch of that idea. And the fact that he had no choice but to make it work sickened him even further.

_Poor Shinomi..._

A wave of sadness crossed his chest and he lowered his eyes in pure empathy and guilt towards his friend, knowing that the kind blond had taken the blow excruciatingly.

_I'm so sorry it came down to this and I couldn't stop it. I'm really, really sorry, Shinomi..._

Just as he pondered over calling Natsuki over the phone, Ren felt vibrations from his pocket. Frowning, Ren took the phone out and checked the caller ID, already planning to hang up if it were Tokiya, Masato and Syo. Except that it was not any of them. "Hello?"

"Ren!" Otoya sounded worried. "Where are you?"

"I am getting fresh air up on the highest floor, Ikki," Ren answered, his voice even despite his emotions. "I'll be there on time. You and Cesshi don't have to worry about a thing."

"It's not that, Ren."

Ren furrowed his eyebrows. "It's not?"

"No, it's the senpais."

"What about Ran-chan, Baron, Aimi and Bukky?"

"They all opted out of performing tonight!"

Ren's eyes widened slightly. "Where did you get this from, Ikki?"

A frantic Otoya, along with Cecil, proceeded to explain what they had overheard the anti-bullying week staff saying. Eli Kizuna, the main student organizer of the anti-bullying week as well as Natsuki's close friend, had told the staff that QUARTET NIGHT was not coming, that they said for their surprise performance to be postponed. And when a few members of the staff protested, Eli made a phone call to Reiji, who told everyone that what Eli had said was true, that they would be unable to attend, and to please understand. Some members of the staff had even said that it was the most serious that they had ever heard Reiji sound, and honestly, Ren could imagine the whole thing.

_They opted out for Shinomi._

When Otoya mentioned that Eli was wearing Reiji's grey fedora and expressed confusion as to why, Ren let out a light chuckle.

_They all know, and they are making sure that their message went across, considering that Eli was with Shinomi when it happened._

"In that case, Shinomi will be fine," Ren assured, smiling faintly as he looked out at the sky, at the ever-glowing white and golden streetlamps and multi-coloured buildings underneath where he was. "As long as he has Bukky, Aimi and the others with him, he'll be smiling again eventually, and that'll be when we can truly smile too."

As much as Tokiya, Syo and Masato were not taking back their cruel decision, neither was Ren taking back a single syllable that he had uttered against them during that argument. Especially the last thing that he had said before walking out of that empty classroom.

_"You know, it's actually a good thing that Shinomi is no longer with us."_

Ren had looked over his shoulder with a cold expression, his voice calm but mirthless.

_"Because he deserves so much better, and this proves it even further. There are people who love and treasure him more than anything, and those are the people that rightfully deserve to be called his "home", and frankly, that's not us."_

_Even though I wish I could have been part of your happiness a little more, even though I'll miss having you as our band member... I won't ask for you to come back to us. I'll support you all the way even if the others won't. I have your back, just like you always had mine no matter what I did and didn't do._

He saw the stars beginning to glitter across the infinite aquamarine sky with their sea of tiny yet incandescent silver lights and smiled with his heart, knowing that Natsuki was in a warmer place now.

_You'll be home soon, Shinomi. You will._

Natsuki Shinomiya

_It's just like then._

Feeling his heartbeat throb and linger in his chest, Natsuki let out a quiet exhale, memories slipping through the crevices of his whirlwind of thoughts like moonlight between a shattered mosaic painting, silently yet surely.

_It's just like the first time Ai-chan, Rei-chan-senpai and I came here together, just as the sun was about to set in its warm colours._

It was a time that he had always held close and dearly to his heart, even as more and more emotions and memories welled up within him like shrouds of flowers, sunshine and stars, a time that he would never forget or replace. After the confrontation with Tokiya backstage, the three of them had gone to the river and sat on the soft grass, the sun warm and vibrant, the river shimmering in its glow. Natsuki remembered how much he loved and treasured each and every moment that he got to spend with Ai and Reiji, how much he thought of how they mattered deeply and dearly to him, how he never wanted to see these memories and this warmth come to and end. And so amidst the warmth and colours, his heart had wavered with fear and nervousness at the thought that Reiji may want and ask him to move back to the STARISH dorms, at the thought that they could no longer live together even if he wished they could have, that he wouldn't be able to spend as much time with Reiji and Ai like this.

He remembered how the thoughts had terrified him... and saddened and hurt him all at once. But he also remembered how tears of relief, warmth and joy had welled up within him when Reiji smiled warmly and assured him with all his heart that he felt the same way Natsuki did, that he would never want and ask him to move back. And the memories of it all continued to glow within his heart as the days passed by, gentle and warm in a heart that did its best to stay strong no matter how much it had been broken. And now... now all the nervousness and fear and uncertainty was back all at once like a blinding hurricane, as he sat by the exact same river with Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus, under a sky adorned by millions of stars and their constellations and the crescent moon, surrounded by a peaceful, unshattered silence. He had wanted to piece his thoughts at least a little more before telling them what had been on his mind, but... he didn't want them to worry even more than they already were.

While his eyes were lowered to the plastic cup of butterfly pea milk tea that Reiji had treated him to despite Natsuki assuring him that he did not have to do it, Natsuki could feel the warmth of the brunet's arm wrapped consolingly around his back and Ai's hand rested gently on his shoulder.

_I just... don't want this to be something... that brings them even more pain._

So taking a deep breath and letting it out, Natsuki mentally prepared himself as he looked up and turned to Reiji and Ranmaru and then to Ai and Camus, before the words formed in his heart and he spoke softly.

"I need... to talk to you guys about something that... I've actually been really afraid to talk about."

Reiji's eyes widened as Natsuki slowly pulled himself up from the grass. The brunet's hand immediately went up to take ahold of his and Natsuki smiled faintly at how much Reiji cared about him.

"I'm not leaving, Rei-chan-senpai," he assured them, giving Reiji's hand a soft squeeze. "I'm just standing up and taking a few steps forward so that I can face you guys all at once. It's about all of us."

Reiji smiled faintly and nodded in understanding before gently squeezing his hand back and slowly letting go. Natsuki took a few steps closer to the river and turned, only to find the senpais all getting up as well and facing him. They all stood in one line - Camus, Ai, Reiji, Ranmaru. QUARTET NIGHT. Natsuki's heart faltered a little, knowing the unspoken thoughts in his heart, and did his best to calm down for everyone's sake. Exhaling gently, he faced them and continued, even though his voice wavered a bit.

"Before I say anything else... please know... that I never wanted to hurt you guys."

Tears were threatening to fall, but he held them back and gave them a tortured smile.

"If this hurts or disappoints or makes you sad even a little... I'm so, so sorry."

Their eyes all widened in shock, and amidst recovering from it, Reiji was the first to speak with a hurt expression on his face. "Nattsun, what are you saying? You could never do anything to hurt, disappoint or sadden any of us; we all know that! What made you think that you'd hurt us by saying what you need to?"

"Natsuki, please tell us how you arrived at those thoughts," Ai said, his voice quiet with sadness. "Because if anything is making us all sad, it is the fact that you are sad."

"Go on, Natsuki." Ranmaru's voice was softer than usual. "And before you even think it, don't you hold back even a little."

Camus gave him a brief nod, and Natsuki nodded at them, the cold wind causing his cardigan to falter ever so slightly.

"I know... that I am no longer a STARISH member," he admitted, his heart clenching in his chest. "I know that three of them used a rule against me and decided that I was nothing to the group, that they don't need me. And it hurt and still hurts hearing them say that, knowing that they did that even though... they're my friends and... I believed that they were still kind. But even so... deep down in my heart, I know that even if I were given the chance to go back, to be in STARISH again..."

He paused for an ephemeral moment, his heartbeat throbbing in his ears.

"... I wouldn't. I don't want to be there, even as it hurts saying it now."

The four senpais all stared at him, with Ranmaru's jaw dropping, and Natsuki lowered his eyes, his heart squeezing in his chest even more as the coldness of the night slipped by.

"Natsuki..."

"I don't miss them." His voice was quiet and pained, but earnest in its words. "I don't miss singing and dancing with them. I don't miss being part of the seven-coloured rainbow that now can only bring sadness to my heart. And I know that deep down... even if they hadn't done this to me... after a bit of time passed, I would have taken matters upon myself to leave STARISH. It was talking with Eli-chan earlier that helped me realize how I truly felt all this time. How I didn't want to be in a band that keeps bringing tears of pain and sadness as time goes by. How I can't stay there anymore. How I... I don't belong there."

His voice trembled, but he willed himself to continue, as much as the sorrow immersed his soul like the moonlight draped itself over the watchful treetops, cold yet bright.

"And how I want to be somewhere..." his voice was a near whisper now, "... that I may never be. With all my heart, more than anything... it's where I feel I truly belong and want to be in... and that place... Now I understand that that place..."

He slowly looked up and straight at Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus despite the stumbling and quivering of his own heart.

"That place... is you guys. QUARTET NIGHT."

Although he was much more terrified now, with all the senpais staring at him in utter shock, Natsuki let out a shaky breath and held back his tears, needing to continue what he had to say.

"That's why... it hurt so much when I thought of the fact that the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project would eventually end. Because of it, I got to spend so much more time with all of you, singing, dancing and creating melodies together, laughing, crying and smiling as we shared more and more emotions that we hold dear to our hearts... and... I really want it to continue, no matter what. And you guys... are not a replacement for STARISH. Neither are you a last resort or anything like that. You guys are my closest and dearest friends, the people with whom I feel that I truly belong with, because of whom I feel so loved and blessed, and whom I love more than anything or anyone. But at the same time, I know... that it... may not even be possible."

He looked down, his hands quivering although he wished they did not.

"You guys have been a four-man band for years and have your very own chemistry together, and me joining... may ruin all that. And the fans may get upset, hurt and angry and may even hate all of you and I don't want any of that. I don't want you to be in pain because of me. And even without that... you may not feel the same way as I do... and I completely accept it if you do. I don't expect any of you to. But whether or not you guys do..."

His voice wavered as even he could barely hear it now. But slowly, he met their stares again and gave them a warm, earnest smile even as his heart cracked in his chest, even as the tears were trying to break free, and he placed a hand gently on the left side of his chest, feeling a warm yet emotional heartbeat pulsating through a cadence of sadness and pain.

"... you guys are my home, the place where my heart belongs. That's how I truly feel... with every part of my heart... Rei-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, Maru-chan-senpai... you guys are my home. My warm, dear home."

_Home..._

Home was not the place that you had known or stayed in the longest. Home was the place that you felt warmest and safest in, where you loved deeply and were loved deeply. Where there was sadness and pain and anger at times, but where the people there pieced one another together and stayed by one another's side no matter what happened, with tears and smiles and laughs and cries. A lump was in his throat again and his shoulders were quivering but he meant everything that he had said and done. Every word, every smile, every emotion. He was still terrified and uncertain and worried - even more now than before - but at the same time, his heart was warm and felt safe, for they were with him. Amidst the silence of the river, other than the rustling of leaves and the faint ripples of the blue, his heartbeat was throbbing loudly. He lowered his eyes, telling himself that no matter what, they were with him, like he was with them. That it was okay. That he should not be this scared. That no matter what...

Their friendship would not change.

"To think that we were discussing the exact same topic when you were with Eli-chan..."

Natsuki's heart stopped. His eyes slowly widening, he raised his head up, only to find a soft smile in Reiji's eyes that was accompanied by what appeared to be, much to his surprise, relief.

"Looks like we all have to thank Eli-chan the next time we see him. 'Cause you have no idea how relieved and happy we are to know that you feel the exact same way we do, our dearest, precious Nattsun!"

A soft gasp slipped from Natsuki's lips at the sound of Reiji's words, still struggling to grasp what he was being told. Standing beside Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru were smiling as well, with their eyes and lips. Reiji's smile brightened as he stepped forward and took both of Natsuki's hands into his, squeezing them tightly as his eyes turned gentler.

"We actually planned on invitin' ya to join our band, ya know."

Ranmaru grinned, crossing his arms.

"We planned to have a big discussion about it after the live, when we were all settled and cozy at the apartment. But looks like there ain't any need for that now that it's loud and clear that our feelings are completely mutual. To think that you were scared that we'd be hurt or disappointed or anything along those lines... Natsuki, Natsuki..."

Shaking his head a few times, Ranmaru slapped the back of Natsuki's head before tousling his hair, his lips curled into a genuine smile.

"That's exactly what we've been wanting to hear! And gathering the courage to say all that could never disappoint us. You didn't just make us all beyond happy and relieved. You did us all real proud, you know!"

"Our apologies for leaving our innermost thoughts to be unveiled only until you have finished, but do know that we mean it when we say that we reciprocate your wish and the emotions beholding it."

A sincere smile graced his features as Camus spoke, his ice-blue eyes gentler than usual.

"We would not be saying yes if we did not mean it or were even the slightest bit uncertain about this. However, we would like to correct you in regards to your thoughts about you ruining our four-man chemistry. You could not have been more mistaken in regards to it, Shinomiya, for you joining QUARTET NIGHT will not bring anything to ruin."

"There is no doubt that our chemistry is different depending between whom it is shared," Ai spoke, wrapping a hand around Natsuki's shoulder. "However, a clear fact that we all know is that the chemistry that the five of us share amidst everything, including bonds and friendship, is stronger than any other, including the chemistry that existed when it was only the four of us. And another known fact is that it is not time that defines the strength of relationships."

His teal eyes softened with a heartfelt smile.

"It is the people's hearts and their dedication and feelings that do. You taught me that and now I am echoing that fact back at you while sincerely believing it. QUARTET NIGHT will never be complete without you, Natsuki. Do you remember the first STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT live that we had?"

Natsuki smiled gently. "It was the best live. The very, very best."

"Yeap," Reiji chimed in, beaming as Ai nodded in agreement. "Even with years of performing, that live ended up taking a special space in all our hearts, and I'm sure those who were watchin' all knew it too. And of course we could never forget each and every time we worked on the project and recorded the songs at the studio together."

Camus nodded with a smile. "And the ridiculous arguments, as frustrating as they were sometimes humorous."

Ranmaru grinned. "And the concept photos and music videos where we played characters and yet let our true bonds and personalities and feelings shine through."

"And the forest just for us and the river that we are standing by at this very moment."

"Looking out for one another."

"Loving one another."

"Sharing everything together."

"Even with our distinct dissimilarities."

"It's all because of the bonds that we share that all of it was possible and became dear to us," Reiji remarked, his eyes glistening as Natsuki smiled softly. "Because we were all here, with no one leaving anyone behind. Because amidst our sadness and grief and pain, we all stayed with one another regardless of anything."

Reiji held out a curled fist towards Natsuki, and he was followed by Ai, Camus and Ranmaru, their fists nearly touching one another.

"We want you, Nattsun. All of us want you to join QUARTET NIGHT as its fifth and final member. We don't want anyone else and we won't take anyone else. We want you no matter what the fans and everyone else say, no matter what happens next, regardless of anything."

With his other hand squeezing Natsuki's hand tightly, Reiji looked straight at him and smiled warmly as Ai, Ranmaru and Camus smiled too.

"We want you, Natsuki Shinomiya."

That was when warm tears started to dribble down his cheeks, except that they were now warm with happiness rather than the sadness that he had initially felt, flowing freely due to the overwhelming emotions of his glowing heart. With a sincere smile that softened at his closest friends' emotions, Natsuki squeezed Reiji's hand back and held out a curled fist towards everyone else's, and with a gentle voice, whispered,

"We're home."

The words were warm and precious to him, and saying them made the tears rise in his throat even more as he smiled.

"We're all home, guys."

Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru nodded with sincere smiles on their faces and immediately, the five of them bumped their fists together before they came together for a big, warm hug under the ocean of stars above them, witnessed by no one but the stars and their crescent moon, warmth illumining this autumn night that had started with sorrow and anguish. He closed his eyes and immersed himself in everyone's warmth as they held one another tightly and gently, now united not only as dear, best friends, but as band members, sharing a deep, warm cadence that no one could shatter, that would resonate even in the coldest of silence, warm and safe in a place that they called "home".

A place just for them.

A place where they would always stay no matter where they went. Home.

Their home.

"Now this is quite the surprise."

Reiji let out a few chuckles.

"It's not every night that the fireflies come out and join us here."

Slowly opening his eyes, Natsuki turned his head and saw fireflies floating in the cold autumn air towards them, not making even the slightest sound amidst the comforting silence. Their tangerine glows were radiant and warm, brightening the night even more like tiny moving stars. As the five of them slowly pulled away from one another, Natsuki reached his hand out and a few fireflies landed on his fingers, communicating with their bright eyes, and smiled as he wondered what brought them here tonight. Was this them sharing the happiness of the five of them? Could they feel it from where they were earlier? That way, warmth was quite similar to light, with how they touched others even from afar.

That... was an earnestly beautiful thing to do.

A particular melody reverberated inside Natsuki's head and his eyes widened slightly, but soon his lips eased into a gentle smile when he made his mind up.

_There isn't any better time... than this warm night._

"There is one last thing that I want to tell you guys."

Natsuki looked around at Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus and smiled gently.

"Is it alright... if I sing it to you tonight?"

Their eyes widened in surprise and Reiji was the first one to understand what Natsuki meant. "Hold on, Nattsun! Are you talking about that solo song you've been keeping from us as a surprise?" Laughing softly, Natsuki nodded and a bright smile spread across Reiji's face. "I've been waitin' to hear ya drop any hints as to what the song's like and now that you're asking to sing it for us, there's absolutely no way we're about to refuse! Right, fellas?"

"Indeed." Camus smiled. "I myself personally have great expectations out of you knowing how dedicated and talented you are, so I am sure this will be more than worthwhile."

"Wait a sec. You told us that so far you've just recorded the instrumentals of the song."

Ranmaru's eyes slowly widened in realization.

"You... You planned to sing it to us first before actually recording the vocals yourself, weren't you?"

"That's right, Maru-chan-senpai!" Natsuki beamed brightly, nodding firmly. "I promised Rei-chan-senpai and Ai-chan that they would be the first ones to hear it and soon after that, I wanted you and Myu-chan-senpai to be the first to hear it too! And recording it fully means that someone else will hear it first, and I wanted this... to be really special."

He rubbed the back of his neck with a shy smile.

"That's why I only recorded the instrumentals first. So that I could sing the song to life for you guys before I do for anyone else."

"Aww, Nattsun!" Reiji beamed as Ranmaru grinned broadly.

Camus let out a few deep chuckles. "That is truly an unchanged aspect of Shinomiya's character. If he gives his word on anything, his mind is dedicated to keeping it, including with the most unorthodox of means, which is not necessarily bad."

"The fact that you went through those lengths with such dedication and earnestness is already special and heartwarming, Natsuki."

Ai squeezed Natsuki's hand gently, a soft smile on his face.

"We're all 100% ready to hear it, with our ears and hearts."

_We're all like fireflies._

Smiling warmly at everyone, Natsuki nodded, his heart brightening like the radiant sun as he took his yellow cellphone out and searched for the instrumental audio of the song. Surrounding the five of them were the tiny, flickering and glowing fireflies and their warm yellow and orange lights, gathering like stars coming closer in an unspoken, unseen constellation, and he could see more and more fireflies joining them, painting the night with even more warmth as the owls perched themselves on the branches of the red and orange-leafed trees, their hoots gentle and encouraging.

_Coming and gathering closer as time trickles by, our wings moving up and down soundlessly in the light, gentle air, our glows warm and bright and bringing light to even the coldest of nights with colours that may not be seen by our eyes, but are felt deeply in our hearts. With our glows all radiant and filled with tenderness and happiness in this special place called 'home'..._

He took a few steps backwards, close to the edge of the river, and he smiled as his heartbeat remained gentle in his chest, fluttering with emotions that words were not enough to express, with wishes dedicated to the people dearest and closest to him.

_I sing for you... hoping that my thoughts and emotions are all conveyed, hoping that I... touch your hearts with all of me._

"This song would never have been completed if you weren't with me."

Placing his right hand on the left side of his chest, Natsuki smiled earnestly as the fireflies fluttered quietly around them, with Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus standing directly in front of him with serious yet soft expressions in their eyes.

"Kindness, strength, love, sincerity... It's a song about warmth and sadness, companionship and change, honesty and togetherness. It's a song that I dedicate more than anything to all of you. To everyone who stayed by my side regardless if I was smiling or crying, no matter how broken I was, regardless if the stars had disappeared or the sun wouldn't shine. Sacchan, Eli-kun, my parents, everyone... So tonight..."

His smile softened as the warmth rose in his chest like a blooming flower at night.

"I hope that you hear my heart as I sing a song about a promise that I will do everything I can to keep."

He took in a deep breath and softly let it out, certain that he was ready, and played the instrumental audio. And he sang with a clear voice a song that he meant with every ounce of his heart, a song that was pieced together and brought to life because of them and because they let his heart beat freely and took his hands into theirs. So with their smiles being sincere and warm, just like his own, watched only by them and the moon and stars in the sky...

He poured everything into the melody as he sang with a heart that was bright and open thanks to them.

_I sing for you and only you..._

He whispered as the shared memory intertwined itself with his heartbeat like the fingers of a warm hand, his hand clutching his chest a little tighter as he smiled.

_This song of promise... An eternal oath._

During the part that consisted of solely instrumentals, he whispered for them the name of this song for them, this song that meant deeply that they were the first to hear.

"I sing for you this song... _'Promise to Sirius'._ "

_"Embrace this day which will never come again_

_Let it be depicted as dearest_

_Your dreams and even your love, your all_

_I want to share it all together_

_Our wish!"_

\- "Marriage", by QUARTET NIGHT (Showtaro Morikubo, Tatsuhisa Suzuki, Shouta Aoi, and Tomoaki Maeno)


	41. Promise to Sirius

Ai Mikaze

_This is my 'thank you' and 'I love you' and 'I'm sorry' and 'don't leave me' all in one. This is a song for you, a song that would never be able to glow without you. So I sing for you a song from a heart that has been broken and yet is able to be shrouded in warmth because you were here._

The words flowed through Ai like petals in the calm, gentle air, as poignant as they were kind and warm, just like the person who had written them.

_I sing for you 'Promise to Sirius', and always will as long as my heart is bright. And I hope it moves your heart, just like you moved mine._

Natsuki had written those words under the lyrics of his newest solo song "Promise to Sirius" on a white sheet of paper. More specifically, on the white sheet of paper that had been folded and tucked in the small pocket behind the back cover of his yellow notebook. He often wrote his thoughts and memories of and linked to songs that he loved under the lyrics, like how he had written out those deeply intertwined with Reiji's "Never..." under its lyrics, and it turned out that he had done the same for "Promise to Sirius". Sitting on the sofa with a cup of hot Darjeeling tea on the glass coffee table, Ai felt a sincere smile slant across his lips as silently as the air flowed around him.

_You did, Natsuki._

His best friend's notebook was settled comfortably on his lap while the sheet of paper remained in his hands, holding onto earnest and powerful lyrics and melodies. He glanced towards the kitchen area, where Natsuki was preparing milk tea, and his smile softened on its own accord.

_With a warm, bright smile in your eyes, you moved all of us, as sincere as it is lingering._

It was the morning after Natsuki sang his solo song "Promise to Sirius" to them for the first time. With permanent permission from Natsuki to borrow his notebook at any time and place, Ai had looked through the pages to search for the lyrics of the song, only to discover that the notebook now had a newly-handcrafted back pocket. It was there where he found the folded paper that held the lyrics and composition of the song. As he found solace in the peaceful morning, Natsuki's voice singing into the clear night sky reverberated gently yet deeply inside Ai's head like crystal-clear and bright ripples into an infinite ocean, resonating with the memories of last night. Amongst Natsuki's prior releases, excluding "Orion de Shout Out"'s ballad version, the one that was the closest to being a ballad was "Southern Cross Waltz", but it was not entirely a ballad either. 

However, that night, as he stood by the river that reflected the lights glowing across the night sky, surrounded by the flickering warm fireflies that he called his friends, the moment Natsuki sang the first line, Ai was certain that the song that he was listening to was a pure ballad. And it was. A passionate ballad that shone with sadness, hope and kindness all at once, gentle and heartfelt, filled with all that Natsuki was and accepted that he was. The song was Natsuki's emotions, thoughts and memories all rippling and brought to life like an abundance of stars, petals and leaves glowing in an incandescent, multi-coloured sky, a song that portrayed his kind, warm, innocent and powerful heart in a way that no one else would never be able to, that clearly said that he was who he was and that he was purely thankful for it. And in every second of the song, Ai felt Natsuki's heartbeat resonating with him, with all four of them, intertwining with each syllable and segment of the delicate rhythm.

_"I sing for you..."_

And he... had dedicated this song... especially to Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus. To his closest friends whom he would always hold dearly to him, just like they held him.

"Ai-chan, Myu-chan-senpai, breakfast is rea- Ehh...? Isn't that-"

"The lyrics and composition of 'Promise to Sirius'," Ai answered, laughing softly as he looked up at Natsuki, who was carrying a tea set in his hands and staring at him with widened green eyes behind his black-framed glasses. He smiled as Natsuki started to smile and chuckled. "I have to say that I am impressed by how well you hid the song from us as a surprise. You deliberately avoided writing any part of the song in your notebook knowing that you gave us full permission to borrow it anytime, right?"

"Shinomiya is much more intelligent than he lets on," Camus remarked, smirking as Natsuki's cheeks reddened in embarrassment. "However, I do have to concede that the song was extremely worth the anticipation, Shinomiya. It is a song that only you can hope to create and that is the epitome of any work of art."

Natsuki smiled shyly and Ai took ahold of his hand and squeezed it gently with a faint smile.

"Despite your naturally modest nature, you deserve to be proud of yourself, Natsuki."

"Just like we all are really proud of you!" Reiji appeared from the kitchen doorway with Ranmaru, the two eldest of the group carrying plates of pancakes, eggs, bacon and butter, a bright smile spread across his face as the latter grinned. After setting down the plates of food on the table, Reiji placed his hands on Natsuki's shoulders and his grey eyes brightened. "Super, super proud, Nattsun! You even made me tear up and cry right there and then watching you sing that beautiful song that you had created with your heart. You made us all so, so happy, you know!"

"And what made it even better was knowing that you're part of the band now," Ranmaru commented, grinning as he folded his arms. "The old man's gotta prepare well if he's gonna try and object to us bringing in one last member into QUARTET NIGHT, 'cause we ain't moving forward without ya. And if we gotta fight for ya, we'll be burnin' alight."

"Indeed."

"I agree."

"Yeap!"

_Dedication... another earnestly precious word._

Natsuki's lips curved into a warm, earnest smile as Ai gently tugged him down to sit beside him on the sofa, the action subsequently causing Reiji to plop down to the sitting area too and drape an arm around the blond. Ai smiled as Natsuki pulled him and Reiji into a heartfelt hug, and leaned into the blond's warmth a little.

_Natsuki dedicated "Promise to Sirius" primarily to us. To me, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus. It is the first time anyone, let alone someone incredibly important to me, has done something like that for me. To be on the receiving end of a "dedication" is new to me, just like how the feeling it brings is. This feeling... it is warm, delicate and unfaltering all at once. Like the soft yet distinct lights of overlapping skies, it lingers on and I find myself refusing to let go of it, not desiring to allow it to slip free from me. And it is a kind and gentle yet unwavering reminder of how much Natsuki cares about us and how he truly understands and is grateful towards us for doing the same for him. A mutual feeling that is shared amongst us and only us..._

Ai placed a hand on top of the left side of his chest, quietly revelling in this sincere warmth with a gentle smile.

_It's the feeling... that makes one feel rather... "special", isn't it?_

_"I sing for you_

_Devoted to this love_

_Your honest smile,_

_I want to hold it close"_

_Regardless if you understand it, you are special too._

Camus, who noticed Ai's gesture, asked what his thoughts were. Smiling faintly, Ai answered, "What it means to feel 'special' and how a dedication does exactly that." As Ranmaru grinned and distributed the utensils while remarking this morning was off to a good start, Natsuki, who was pouring milk tea into everyone's cups, glanced up at Ai with a true smile that reached his kind, green eyes. Even though he had written as lyrics his desire to hold their honest smiles close, his smile itself was sincerely honest and warm, and Ai earnestly never wanted that to change about him.

_You are special to all of us. With each and every move we make on your behalf, each time we hold hands and smile and share together, we are giving dedications to one another, including you, memories of us, words and emotions that we hold onto and allow to linger._

Ranmaru made a snarky remark about Camus adding more sugar and maple syrup to his pancakes, prompting the younger idol to retaliate with a sarcastic comment of his own, generating their daily chaos. Reiji burst out laughing when Natsuki smiled brightly and said that the two were already starting the morning by talking and getting closer to one another, prompting the bickering duo to stare at him and exclaim that he was wrong. And Ai found himself smiling a bit despite the sheer ridiculousness of the entirety of this situation.

_Even the frequent bickers and disagreements are special too. And I would never wish to trade or replace any of it. Just like the memories of last night, of that precious song and its dedication and your warm words and feelings. I will hold each and every iota of them close, for they are dear to me; yet another concept that you had not only taught me, but granted me the opportunity to feel and treasure with my being._

_"My throbbing pulse, the sound of every breath,_

_Everything becomes a part of this melody"_

_And that... is my promise, my dedication, to you._

Ranmaru Kurosaki

The first time that Ranmaru felt like punching the _living daylights_ out of this questionable boss of his was years ago, the day QUARTET NIGHT was first created.

_"Starting today, the four of you will be moving, moving as an idol group."_

Ranmaru was completely convinced that Shining Saotome was either a dismal dunce, someone who had just lost his mind, or a billionaire whose sanity was gone a long, long time ago. Okay, he was being put in a boy-band; not a terrible idea. But with _them_? Ranmaru did not even have to do a double take to conclude that this was the absolute worst. 

A platinum-blond prick with those judgemental, callous ice-blue eyes that were so condescending that Ranmaru was real tempted to just shove a fist at his oh-so-smug face. A young, teal-haired boy whose face was blank and showed that he was probably near the complete opposite of Ranmaru. And to top it all off, a wannabe-comedian with that loud, annoying voice and big, ridiculous grin that he did not seem to understand when to slap off his face. And it was clear from the get-go that he was not the only one who thought that this was gonna be an epic disaster; Camus and Ai had no problem being blunt about their objections too.

"What?"

"Impossible."

"Objectively speaking, this is the worst possible combination."

But then Reiji faced all of them with a light smile and said, _What? But..._ surprising the three of them with varying degrees. And he had taken them all out of that questionable old man's office and to the beach, where the yellow, pink and orange sunset was illumining the sky, its clouds and the serene waters. At that point, the three of them were all questioning this cheerful dimwit's thoughts; why exactly did he take all of them here of all places? Although, Ranmaru had to admit, the scenery there was beautiful. With his back facing them, Reiji had looked over his shoulder and with a faint smile, said:

"No matter how you look at it, we're not a good match."

"Yeah," Ai, Ranmaru and Camus all unanimously agreed, not at all the slightest bit happy.

But for some reason, Reiji's smile merely brightened as he turned around completely and his body was now facing them. "But we do agree on that."

And of course, not a single one of them wanted to acknowledge it aloud.

"I get that we don't get along, but don't be that way." Reiji's tone was light, but Ranmaru could tell that he was trying to be objective here. "Let's give it a shot. Shiny-san said we're a group now. It could be a good opportunity."

That got their attention. Ranmaru turned to face Reiji and if he was being real honest... he was actually taken aback by the expression that he was staring at. With his layered brown hair billowing in the breeze, the fading glow of the sunset illuminating his features, Reiji looked at all of them with a smile, but unlike before, the smile was not exactly a sunny or cheerful one. It reached his grey eyes, but... there had been a deep, profound sadness in the light of those eyes that Ranmaru could not understand at that time. And that sadness was neither explained nor acknowledged to them by the brunet as he spoke in that hopeful voice of his that was clear but not as bubbly as it had been just mere moments ago.

"If we really don't think it'll work, then we'll just quit."

The sadness was not fading away, but neither was the tinge of hope in his mellowed voice.

"Won't you be willing to try if you approach it that way?"

Although Shining Saotome's decision still sounded absolutely ridiculous and bonkers to them, Ranmaru, Ai and Camus all accepted the way things were. If this was going nowhere, they could just quit. Simple as that. At least that option was available, right? And so things kicked off from there. For majority of the time, they took on individual jobs, whether it was acting, guest starring, singing or dancing, with Ranmaru, Ai and Camus ignoring Reiji's suggestions and insistence that they got more group work together. But there were, of course, instances when they did have to work together, in which Ranmaru was bound to have at least one argument with a particular ice prick, and they all discovered that they, as a collective whole, excelled when it came to performing as a group. It definitely showed in their debut song, "Poison Kiss", and every other live that they did together, and they quickly rose in the music industry. 

They worked well together, even though they could not necessarily call one another "friends", and that was it. Bonds, friendship, togetherness... Only Reiji cared about "group bonding" and tried to bring them closer together no matter how much they rejected him. Even when they waited in one greenroom for their cue to go onstage, they hardly had a peaceful, enjoyable conversation together. Honestly, more often than not, Ranmaru found himself extremely irritated with the group in general, especially Reiji and Camus, and that was plain obvious to them. And he definitely did not bring himself to care about bonding with the rest of them, including taking the time to get to know them better outside of work. And the circumstances remained like this for years, all the way up to the day the four of them became assigned mentors to STARISH. They got somewhat closer, whether they liked it or not, ever since meeting those kouhais, but they still were not friends. However, the true transformation took place...

The night Reiji yelled for the van to stop when he saw a particular blond kouhai with a broken soul on the sidewalk in tears.

Quite frankly, Natsuki was everything Ranmaru was _not_. Even more so than even Camus. Natsuki was pure, innocent, warm and extremely kind-hearted and had no problem being so open about it. He loved everyone and put them before himself, never failing to have that signature bright smile of his each and every day. He gave them big, tight hugs, was very willing to get to know them better, and made tea for them, which tasted great in contrast to his previous cooking nightmares. And they had been much too late in realizing just how much sadness and agony tortured him and how long he had endured it alone and hidden his struggles away from them. He moved their hearts and yet... no one was there when he needed someone the most, and Ranmaru hated that.

Yet... even with all the pain, tears and mistakes everyone made, months later, the four of them who were parts of a dysfunctional quartet now understood that he was what they wanted and needed all along. Natsuki was indispensable; not only as a fellow idol and band member, but as their best friend and the person that he had always been. They were not moving forward without him and no one was taking that back. So Ranmaru, just like everyone else, had been more than prepared to fight Shining to get Natsuki into QUARTET NIGHT if that was what it took, regardless what anyone had to think or say, as the five of them stood in one straight line in front of Shining's desk at his office. They had not run into any STARISH members on the way; if they had run into Syo, Tokiya or Masato, Ranmaru may have ended up punching them in the face for what they pulled on Natsuki. With Natsuki standing between Reiji and Ai, the five of them explained their decisions together, starting from the background and how they found out what Tokiya, Syo and Masato had done. Everyone was in sync in this explanation, with not a single one of them holding back as they got their main point across, and Ranmaru swore in his mind that Shining had better not throw some trash in their face after this.

But guess what?

After they were done, Shining stared at all of them with a grave expression for a few dreadful moments and suddenly, with utmost audacity...

He laughed.

He freaking, freaking _laughed_. And what he said right there and then blew a literal fuse in Ranmaru.

"It looks like my plan moved much, much faster than anticipated! Very, very good, my dear Shining Stars! You have all finally come to the conclusion that I've been waiting for you to! Wonderful, just wonderful!"

Grinning at everyone's stunned expressions, Shining proceeded to explain that this was precisely why he had ordered STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT to perform during the anti-bullying week. Not for STARISH to pull themselves back together, but for Natsuki and QUARTET NIGHT to realize exactly what they wanted and needed all this time; the five of them being in one band together. It took all of Ranmaru to not storm right over to his desk, grab his collar, and punch the freaking living daylights of this crazy boss of his with the rush of shock and anger surging through him like a storm of flames. So to at the very least relieve part of his anger, as well as give this boss a piece of his mind in a manner that did not involve his contract being terminated, he clenched his teeth and spoke as evenly as humanely possible.

"So right now... at our faces... you're telling the whole lot of us... that you _planned_ this?"

Ranmaru gritted his teeth, his breathing uneven, but did it look like he cared?

"You knew what could possibly go down and you freaking went on with it?" Ranmaru demanded, his tone rising. He jabbed a finger at Natsuki while keeping his scowl directed at his boss. "Do you know how much he suffered because of this? How much we all did? I don't know what those three morons said during their conversation with you, but right at his face, they called Natsuki _worthless_. Useless. A burden. And you _let_ it happen?"

"The logic behind this plan is as incomprehensible as the plan itself is calamitous." Ai's voice was even but filled with disapproval as he narrowed his eyes. "You placed Natsuki in a cruel position, Shining-san, and that is the most unacceptable part of the plan that you initiated, even though the ending was a favourable one."

"There could have been other means to bring to light your point, Shining-san," Camus spoke, his tone heavy with sheer coldness. "The pain was deeply unwarranted and the fact that you were aware of the possibility of this outcome and are being so nonchalant about it angers each and every one of us within reason."

"As much as I'd normally try and calm Ran-Ran, Ai-Ai and Myu-chan down, they're right, Shiny-san," Reiji remarked with a pained smile as he draped an arm around Natsuki. "As much as we all want Nattsun to be in QUARTET NIGHT, the method you chose caused us all so much pain and sadness. Seeing Nattsun hurt hurts all of us and the same goes for Nattsun when it comes to us. Eli-chan was hurt too, and overall, there were other ways for us to get to the same point that we are at now without the need for this much agony on our side. But that being said..."

Reiji's grey eyes softened.

"We're glad that you approve of this. Of Nattsun being with us. Really, really glad, despite the pain that it took to get there."

"Yeap."

Natsuki's green eyes were gentle with a warm smile as he faced Shining and placed a hand on top of Reiji's.

"Even though there was pain, sadness and hurt, we're very grateful that we can be together as a group. We deeply, deeply wanted that, and we're so happy that you are letting us and wanted it to happen too. So thank you, Shining-sensei, for not only letting us be in one band together..."

Natsuki's voice was warm as he glanced at all four of them, his smile gentle and genuine.

"But for also allowing all this time that we got to spend together and share memories with one another as best friends, as well as family, all of which we will always be no matter what happens. For every opportunity that you held out to us... thank you, Shining-sensei."

_"Like the moon gleaming in the night sky, my beating chest_

_If I could just reach out my hand, we'd become one"_

_And we are one._

Thinking back to how QUARTET NIGHT was formed long before they got to know Natsuki, Ranmaru cracked a smile and managed to calm down, seeing how ironic this was as "Promise to Sirius" played in his head gently. 

_As much as we never thought this would ever happen years ago... we really are._

They were in the same office, lined up in front of the same desk and the same insane old man. Back then, the four of them all knew that they had just about nothing in common and were not going to get along. They were not a good match; not even close. And they definitely agreed on close to nothing. But years later, here in the present, here they all were with a fifth and final band member who was also their kouhai, having mutual agreements about the situation in hand, fighting for the same reasons, sharing the exact same feelings towards themselves and all that had gotten them to reach this exact moment. Unlike that day before even knowing Natsuki... they all were now one. Ranmaru, Reiji, Natsuki, Ai and Camus. This was not five individuals; this was a group with five dissimilar souls connected as one by the bonds, feelings and memories that they shared. And they all knew that Shining knew it too as a genuine smile spread across his face and he looked straight at them and spoke.

"The QUARTET NIGHT before Mr Shinomiya would never have come together with such shatterproof unison."

His voice was serious, but the smile never wavered on his face and could be heard within those words.

"Standing up against me in regards to my methods because of the pain caused to one another, supporting one another without form of any reservation, sharing a common desire to be with one another, with each and every emotion shown binding you even more to one another... _This_ is the QUARTET NIGHT that I've been looking forward to seeing unravel before my very eyes all this time. Brought together not only by individual talents and musical abilities, but by emotions, kindness, empathy, all the very things that define what it means to be connected to one another, to look out for one another. Because of all of this, I see absolutely no reason to refuse your decision for QUARTET NIGHT to have Mr Shinomiya as their fifth and final member."

His smile widened, and this time, Ranmaru was not the slightest bit annoyed at his questionable boss.

"So starting from today, Mr Shinomiya Natsuki, you are officially a full-fledged member of QUARTET NIGHT!"

Shining swivelled around on his rolling chair and switched on the monitor behind his desk, revealing a screen with portraits of all four members of QUARTET NIGHT. The screen slowly blurred into colours without any sound and when everything was clear again, there were five portraits positioned beside one another taking up the entire screen, each of them representing the five of them that now constituted QUARTET NIGHT.

Ice-blue, lavender, viridian, yellow, crimson.

Camus, Ai, Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru.

QUARTET NIGHT.

_Man, this guy even went as far as preparing this before we even stepped into the office._

Ranmaru mentally sighed at his questionable boss. 

_But I ain't complainin'._

His heart was filled with genuine joy as he reached out and tousled Natsuki's blond hair with a grin and Reiji and Ai hugged the blond tightly. Camus folded his arms with a sincere smile as Shining grinned widely and Natsuki looked around at everyone and his lips curved into a warm, radiant smile and unshed tears lingered in his green eyes.

_Welcome to QUARTET NIGHT, Natsuki. Now that you're here, let us all blaze and brighten up the skies with our harmonizing souls like there ain't any tomorrow, now and always._

Camus

After a few minutes of the five of them revelling in the fact that Natsuki was officially a member of QUARTET NIGHT, Shining announced to them their agenda for the remainder of the week. QUARTET NIGHT was still to perform a surprise live before the anti-bullying week ended and they had time to prepare until Sunday, the final day of the anti-bullying week. They were given the liberty to select any song that they wished, and after a short discussion, all of them unanimously agreed to perform a new version of "Poison Kiss" as well as "Starlight Memory", their new song that was to be featured in the next segment of their main unit project, and their first five-man main unit song. Ai remarked that based on social media as well as Eli's information, STARISH had made their move last night by introducing themselves as "STARISH" despite knowing that there were only six of them and performing their first main unit song, "Maji Love 1000%" and "Maji Love 2000%", causing social media and the audience to be in complete disarray amidst confusion, shock and disbelief. Shining confirmed everything and said that after QUARTET NIGHT's live on Sunday, he would release the official announcement of the constitutions of both groups.

"STARISH delivered a super, superb live as a six-man band," Shining remarked, his eyes serious even as a wide grin stretched across his face. "So as for you five, as the new QUARTET NIGHT, be sure to live up to the expectations for the stakes will be really, _really_ high considering the music industry's standards when it comes to taking in a new member to an already-established group."

"We'll blow 'em out of the water," Ranmaru declared, a confident, determined expression blazing in his eyes. "And not only that."

He propped an arm onto Natsuki's shoulder and grinned.

"We'll make those three eat those words that they threw at Natsuki's face. 'Useless'... We'll make them take that back right there and then!"

Therefore, after leaving Shining's office, the five of them had gone to the studio to prepare for Sunday's performance, which was simultaneously the debut of the new QUARTET NIGHT. They, as a collective whole, had to decide which parts of "Poison Kiss" to give Natsuki, and the four senpais needed to teach him the dance. 

"Okay, let's try this," Reiji said, pointing at a particular stanza of the song. "Nattsun, you'll sing this part along with Myu-chan. You know how this goes, right?"

Natsuki nodded with a smile and Reiji beamed as Ranmaru grinned.

"In that case, on the count of 3! 1, 2, 3!"

" _'Gently, your left hand'_ ," Reiji sang first.

" _'Entwined with my right'_ ," Ranmaru continued.

" _'Searching for'_ ," Ai sang.

With everyone's eyes on them, Camus and Natsuki glanced at one another and sang:

" _'Love's destination'._ " 

Immediately, Camus' eyes widened in sincere shock and he heard Reiji, Ai and Ranmaru all gasp. _That... was impeccable._ He swivelled around to stare at Natsuki, whose green eyes were widened in sheer astonishment as he stared back at the four of them. For someone who had just become an official band member less than an hour ago, the way in which Natsuki sang that line in "Poison Kiss" was simply _phenomenal_ ; even Camus, with his high standards, was awe-struck and could not deny it. Natsuki's voice was smooth, melodious and without any struggle, intertwined with Camus as though they had been synchronising with each other for ages when it had merely been the first time in this particular instance. 

_I was concerned that two days to prepare was too constraining. However..._

Camus felt his concerns vanish into the back of his mind as he crossed his arms and smiled slightly.

_It appears that our circumstances are more miraculous than we originally anticipated._

"That... That was incredible, Nattsun!"

A bright smile spread across Reiji's face as he grabbed Natsuki's hands and squeezed them tightly.

"We all know that you're an amazing idol, but the way that you sang and harmonized with Myu-chan like that... We're all gonna light up that stage together for sure!"

"With the level of ability that you just showed and knowing how determined and fast you are when it comes to learning, I am 100% certain that we will be prepared for our debut live on time," Ai remarked with a sincere smile as Ranmaru grinned and patted Natsuki's back. "I suggest that we add some more high notes as background vocals in the song; your range will definitely cover them."

"I agree with Kotobuki and Mikaze," Camus agreed, satisfied. "Although 'Poison Kiss' did not originally involve much harmonization excluding during the chorus, in light of that display of your ability, I would like to keep that part as one that we share and adding more harmonization parts does not sound like a bad idea."

He smiled.

"Shall we, Shinomiya?"

Smiling brightly, Natsuki nodded with determination in his eyes and the five of them continued working on the new version of "Poison Kiss". With everyone cooperating together, with Camus and Ranmaru bickering at times and some savage remarks and light jokes thrown in between the discussions, they managed to divide the lines and add more background vocals within an decent amount of time. Afterwards, they proceeded to the dance, which Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus were to teach Natsuki, and they all realized that they had to make some adjustments to the dance as well.

"Those who are harmonizing with each other have to be real close by the time their part comes up," Reiji commented, examining the draft of the line distribution. "So that means that here, Nattsun and I must already be near each other, Ai-Ai and Ran-Ran have to be close here, and so on and so forth."

"Rearranging the positions are not a problem," Camus commented. "It is adjusting ourselves to the new formation that may be more tedious considering that we have been utilizing the exact same formation ever since our debut."

"But at the same time, it may be an issue if we all have to run from one place to another too much," Ranmaru pointed out, and Ai nodded.

"The idea is connecting with the person that we share the part with, so... how about we do something that involves eye contact even from a distance?" Natsuki suggested, a thoughtful look in his green eyes that were staring down at the choreography sheet. He looked up at them and smiled faintly. "Maybe holding out hands from afar or something like that? Something that can show a connection even when we are not standing right next to each other so that we do not have to change our positions too much during the performance?"

Ai smiled. "That can work."

"This is the pace we need," Ranmaru remarked with a grin.

"We're going real fast, alright!"

Reiji was indeed correct. Their pace was swift and was consistently and necessarily so. Not once did Natsuki complain each time he was corrected during the dance and vocal practice. Each mistake did not discourage him but did the opposite instead, and it made everyone all-the-more determined to excel together. Hours flew by as the five of them all improved steadily, with them already finalizing the new line distribution and choreography after much trial-and-error, and it was time for lunch. They agreed to go to their favourite cafe, where Camus was already planning to purchase scrumptious chocolate pancakes with an assortment of ice-cream and syrup along with a black tea latte. They had changed their clothes in the men's restroom and were now walking along the corridors, chatting about the remainder of their schedule for the day amongst other things.

"Eli-chan's meeting us at the ice-cream parlour later in the afternoon, right?" Reiji asked, wrapping an arm around Natsuki.

"Yeap," Natsuki confirmed with a warm smile as he placed a hand on Ai's shoulder. "He'll be there by 4; he's at his school now, helping Yuuto-kun and the others with today's events."

"His self-composed song's ready, right?" Ranmaru inquired as he walked between Reiji and Camus.

"Yeap, Maru-chan-senpai. He'll perform it on the last day of the anti-bullying week after Yuuto-kun gives his speech."

"The last day's all packed with some of the biggest events, isn't it?"

"Even a project at school leaves such significant events for the grand finale."

"You betcha, Myu-chan-"

Reiji cut himself off mid-sentence and Camus frowned and followed the older brunet's gaze, only for his frown to deepen. Appearing from behind the wall were the six members of STARISH. Otoya and Syo walked at the front, while Ren, Tokiya, Cecil and Masato were right behind them. The six of them turned a corner and they immediately halted in their footsteps when their eyes found the five of them standing together, staring right back at them.

_What three out of six of you have done is utterly repulsive._

Out of the corner of his eye, Camus saw Ranmaru grit his teeth in anger as his own heart turned colder at the sight of the remorseless idols. And Natsuki was evidently trying to remain calm as Reiji tightened his arm around him and Ai's eyes turned cold. As indifferent as Camus himself was, he would never stoop as low as Syo, Tokiya and Masato had as a human being.

_It is laughable if you expected any single one of us to have forgiven such actions after merely one night has passed._

"Let me guess."

Syo scoffed with a bold stare.

"You're still wondering why you've been dumped, even though we already made it clear that you're nothing to us, Natsuki?"

"Shorty!" Ren's voice was filled with anger as Cecil glared at Syo. Tokiya shrugged as Masato's eyes remained indifferent while Otoya stared at Syo in utter disbelief. _What a laughable, disoriented group. You cannot even support one another in a single, minor circumstance. Pathetic._ Camus could feel Ranmaru seething beside him and saw Reiji's eyes darken as the atmosphere shifted from a light one to a hostile one, but it was clear that none of them were attempting to be violent in this instance. Although Camus would not have blamed Ranmaru if he chose to storm up to Syo and plummet him for uttering those words. And besides, they could easily counter back without the excessive use of violence, and Camus took the initiative to start.

"How self-centred of you to assume that Shinomiya is too naive to believe that you can be such a ruthless, pathetic person."

Camus' tone was colder than ice as Syo snapped his head around to glare at him.

"Excuse m-"

"You're the one who's the dimwit if you're still thinkin' that Natsuki wants to get back into STARISH after all that you've done to him," Ranmaru cut in, his tone blazing with resentment just like his heterochromatic eyes. "Especially when he's right where he belongs now."

"If you think that Nattsun does not belong in a band anymore, you're completely wrong. Right here and now, we'll make it clear."

Reiji's voice was calm and resolute and near intimidatingly serious as his grey eyes bore straight into Syo and the others' stares.

"Nattsun belongs with us. He is our band member now; the fifth and final member of QUARTET NIGHT."

Amongst all six STARISH members, the one who was clearly the least surprised was none other than Ren. His eyes did widen marginally for nothing short of an ephemeral moment, but he let out a soft chuckle and smiled faintly, silently showing his support and congratulations to the five of them. Cecil and Otoya appeared to be rather shocked, but they were not angry or judgemental about it, unlike the other three - Syo, Tokiya and Masato - who clearly minded the decision without words needing to be said. However, before any of them could make any comment, a clear, kind voice spoke amidst the cold silence.

"Yeap, Rei-chan-senpai's right."

Natsuki's eyes were gentle but serious as he faced all the members of STARISH, his voice kind and unwavering, as he placed a hand on the left side of his chest.

"This is where I belong. QUARTET NIGHT is my home, and that will never change no matter what."

"Oh, so that's how you're gonna get even with us?"

Syo gritted his teeth and shot a furious glare at Natsuki as his tone escalated with his insolent words. 

"By grouping up with a pity party right after you were free from us, is that it?" Syo yelled, jabbing an accusing finger directly at Natsuki. "So that you can prove that we are the ones that are nothing when it's clearly you and you just don't want to believe it, huh?" 

"A pity party?" Ai repeated, his voice calm but sharp.

"You're still implyin' that Natsuki's nothing-" Ranmaru's tone barely suppressed rage.

"You think it's all peachy to get into a band with the people who made a whole mess out of everything in the first place?" Syo shrieked.

"Rei-chan-senpai and the others didn't do anything wrong, Syo-chan!" Natsuki exclaimed in sheer hurt.

"Neither did Nattsun," Reiji added, his voice warning Syo as the shorter blond's glare intensified.

"As much as Kurusu-san is speaking out of anger, it is justified," Tokiya spoke up, his voice icy as he narrowed his eyes without a shred of remorse. "Do you truly believe that you are completely right when we would not have reached this point if not for the actions that you chose to do rather than resolving the problems sincerely?"

"I agree with Ichinose," Masato agreed, coldly ignoring Otoya's protests and Ren's cold glare.

"Are you that bold to be that audacious to the point that you are attempting to shift the blame to us?" Camus demanded sharply. If he were to 'accidentally' unleash his ice powers, he was absolutely not to be blamed. "It is your foul treatment of Shinomiya and the situation that caused each and every moment of suffering endured, not us."

"So shut it and get out of our way before you say some more t-"

"I'm so _sick_ of you, all of you!"

"Syo, that's more than e-"

"Shut up already, you clown!"

Without warning, Syo lunged forward before Ren and Cecil could hold him back, a fist raised against Reiji, a shriek escaping his mouth. "Reiji!" Ranmaru shouted. However, a moment before Syo could land a direct blow on Reiji, Natsuki was suddenly in front of the brunet, crying out, "Stop!" and in the next moment, a cold impact resounded in the still air and he landed heavily on one knee, crimson blood dripping to the floor.

"Nattsun!" Reiji yelled.

"Natsuki!"

"Why you freaking lowlife!" Ranmaru shouted, his voice burning with sheer fury as Reiji and Ai helped Natsuki up and Camus clenched his teeth. Syo merely scoffed, his blue eyes boring into the scene that he had caused without any trace of guilt or remorse. "You tried to freaking punch Reiji in the face and now you've made Natsuki bleed? Just who do you think you a-"

"Good luck debuting as a member taken in out of pity, Natsuki," Syo spat, his spit flying.

"If you say one more freaking word-" Ranmaru threatened, daring Syo to say another insult.

However, Syo scoffed and merely walked away with Tokiya and Masato, neither of whom spared a second glance at the scene that they had caused. Shaking his head in sheer disapproval, Ren faced QUARTET NIGHT and muttered that he was going to have a word with Syo and apologized sincerely for what happened before walking off, with Otoya and Cecil right behind him. Letting out a cold scoff at those ridiculous kouhais' behaviour, Camus decided to shift his attention to a more important matter and turned to Natsuki, who was pressing a tissue against the right corner of his lips. Camus could feel his blood boil at the damage that Syo had caused as Ranmaru cursed a few times, Ai shook his head, and Reiji squeezed Natsuki's shoulder with guilt flooding his grey eyes.

"He's by far the _worst_ ," Ranmaru spat.

"I do not disagree," Camus remarked with a mirthless scoff.

"To summarize his, Tokiya and Masato's actions, I would use the words 'hypocritical', 'arrogant', 'selfish' and 'illogical'," Ai said disapprovingly. "Not to mention, 'ungrateful'."

Ranmaru scoffed. "Couldn't have said it better."

"Nattsun, are you okay?"

"I think... something's wrong with my ankle."

Camus, Ai and Ranmaru all turned to Natsuki, who tried to walk but ended up staggering and propping a hand against the wall to maintain his balance, pain and fear flashing in his green eyes.

"It..." his voice was quiet, "it may be sprained, Rei-chan-senpai."

"Can we take a look, Natsuki?" Ai asked, worry evident in his voice as Camus frowned deeply and Ranmaru cursed Syo. Natsuki nodded slightly as Reiji guided him to sit on the nearest bench. Once Natsuki was seated, he took his left sneaker and sock, and from where he was standing, Camus felt his eyes slowly widen at the swelling, bruised area of the younger blond's left ankle. Carefully, Ai leaned down and touched the bruised area and Natsuki winced, his eyes nearly completely shut. 

"It is sprained," Ai confirmed, shaking his head. "It must have occurred when Natsuki fell after protecting Reiji."

"And we already planned on dancing for the debut of our five-man QUARTET NIGHT," Ranmaru said, clenching his fists as frustration scorched through his features. "So now that little brat's also ruining our freaking debut when we've just started working on it?"

"I doubt that this injury will be able to heal in two days," Reiji remarked, concern lacing his quiet voice as he sat beside Natsuki and placed a hand on his shoulder. "And even if it did, this injury itself will prevent Nattsun from practising the choreography, and we can't afford that at all."

Natsuki lowered his eyes, sadness flooding his green eyes, and Camus thought for a few moments before speaking. "There is no necessity to wait for this injury to heal."

"Ehh...?" Natsuki uttered softly, his eyes widening.

"What are ya goin' on about, Camus?" Ranmaru questioned.

Camus looked straight at Natsuki and said, "Allow me to tend to your ankle." Although confused, Natsuki nodded in agreement and Camus proceeded to crouch down in front of the younger male and carefully took ahold of the injured foot, ignoring the stares of puzzlement directed at him. _This is self-explanatory._ Cautiously, he pressed a hand onto the bruised area and slowly, his hand began to glow with ice-blue light, magic from the land of Permafrost.

Healing magic, in this particular instance.

He narrowed his eyes, concentrating the magic onto the injury, completely aware that it had been quite awhile ever since he had had the necessity to resort to his healing powers. However, this was an absolute must. Camus simply abhorred the idea of allowing the debut that the five of them deeply desired and needed to turn into shambles merely because of the selfish, cowardly actions of a particular insolent dullard. While his magic in terms of healing was not, by all means, capable of healing just any kind of injuries, a twisted ankle was not a problem. Natsuki shivered slightly, but he did not say a word, quietly allowing Camus to continue. And the latter did, knowing that he was doing this properly and for their sakes. 

Within a few more moments, the swelling and bruising had completely disappeared, and that was when the ice-blue glow slowly faded away. Releasing Natsuki's left foot, Camus stood up and asked.

"Can you walk, Shinomiya?"

Natsuki pulled himself up from the bench and took a few steps forward, followed by a couple more, and his green eyes brightened in awe and happiness. "Yeap, Myu-chan-senpai! I can! It doesn't hurt at all anymore!" 

He spun around and beamed brightly at Camus, who smiled with satisfaction.

"Thank you so much, Myu-chan-senpai!"

"You're amazing, Myu-chan!" Reiji exclaimed, a wide smile spreading across his face. "All this time, I didn't know that you could use your magic to heal. I thought it could only freeze everything and anyone around you!"

Camus scoffed. "That is merely because there was no necessity to utilize it to heal during the time I spent around you until today." He turned to Natsuki. "Shinomiya, after I sanitize my hands from making contact with your foot, I will heal the injury sustained by your face. You do not mind, right?"

Natsuki shook his head with a grateful smile. "Thank you, Myu-chan-senpai."

"Your heart is kind after all."

"I beg your pardon?" Camus said, turning to scowl at Ranmaru who gave him a teasing smirk.

"What? Would you rather me say that you're a callous ice king instead?" Camus' scowl deepened and Ranmaru guffawed. "But jokes aside, you really saved the whole lot of us from worrying about a disastrous debut. And not only that, but this really showed how much you care, and I can't hate that about you."

Ranmaru grinned slightly.

"You don't want me takin' that back now, do you?"

Camus let out a genuine chuckle. "Now what benefit would that bring? It is rather rare for the prideful, rambunctious Ranmaru Kurosaki to compliment anyone without denial." Reiji, Ai and Natsuki laughed as Ranmaru shot Camus a glare. "But now that this matter is settled, let us head to the cafe for lunch. After hours of practice and improvisation, I believe that all of us deserve this break."

"Is it just me or is Myu-chan being much sweeter than usual?"

"Silence, Kotobuki."

"Ouchie!"

_"See how it sparkles... Can you see our shining future?_

_I want to walk there together_

_So I'll have the power to protect"_

Even if there was no debut at stake, Camus would have used his ice power to heal Natsuki's injury.

As much as he did not verbally confess that fact, everyone knew it as much as he did. He used to deny having any form of attachment to this group and every single person within it. He denied the existence of a friendship and bond, denied how much he actually cared about them, denied how they had all grown on him whether he wished for it or not. However, he was now beyond the point that he could deny it convincingly to even himself, and all four of them were to be blamed for this. Not that it was a problem. Now he found himself indulging in their shared memories and activities, in spending time with them, in seeking to share a bright future with each and every single one of them, in walking beside them instead of away from them. That song "Promise to Sirius" was not just about Natsuki's feelings, but Camus and the other senpais' feelings too. 

_"The power to protect"..._

Camus stiffened when Natsuki hugged him from behind, but he did not try to resist the show of affection as much as usual. He sighed, but it was not an annoyed or heavy one, and concealed a faint smile as everyone chatted happily with one another.

_Without the term called "bond", there is no one to protect._

Reiji Kotobuki

_This formerly dormant heart._

_Closed in by the darkness that it believed it deserved to be trapped in. Caging in wounds, bruises and scars, both marked and bleeding, that it believed did not deserve to be healed or cared for. Turning away from the stars and their kindness, the sun and its warmth, afraid of hurting those it loved, choked by the thoughts of what it deserved and did not. Filled with bright lies, false smiles, all that buried away grief and anguish that it did not want others to try and console, if they even would. Thinking it was undeserving... to even cry right._

_Yet..._

Reiji leaned into Natsuki's shoulder a little more, a serene, genuine smile adorned on his lips and warming his heart as he felt the blond's arm wrapped securely around him.

_I've been crying so many tears lately... tears of warmth... and happiness._

It was the night before the day that the new QUARTET NIGHT was to make its debut during the final anti-bullying week live show. A warm, bright night. After hours of practising and recording from morning until late evening, all five of them had agreed that they were done for the day, so while Camus and Ranmaru were resting at the apartment, Reiji, Natsuki and Ai were sitting by the river together, relishing in one another's company as the night glistened around and above them. The streetlamps near and away from them glowed with white and tangerine glows that were luminous without being blinding, lighting the verdant grass, purple, blue and pink flowers, and mahogany benches with a quality so serene in contrast with the spotlights that sometimes felt too stifling. The calm water shimmered quietly, reflecting the countless tiny incandescences scattered all over the midnight-blue sky above like ripples of a deep ocean. With the wind breezing past his teal hair and unzipped lilac hoodie, Ai laid his head on Natsuki's right shoulder as they held hands, his teal eyes serene with a gentle smile, and Reiji's olive jacket was beside him, unworn just like his fedora as he sat on Natsuki's left.

_It's all really warm and bright._ _The memories we share, the melodies we create, the colours, lights and heartbeats. Even the dark evenings and cold, cold nights. They are all warm and bright._

Natsuki turned to him with a warm, gentle smile in his green eyes, with that innocent, tender look that promised Reiji that he was never leaving him alone, and it made tears threaten to fall from his eyes all over again.

_Just... like you._

_"I sing for you this song... '_ Promise to Sirius'. _"_

_"Promise to Sirius"..._

The moment Natsuki told the senpais the name of the song, Reiji's heart had palpitated in pure astonishment, a deep realization dawning upon him like a star suddenly illumining an already-bright night all over again. Sirius. Months ago, Reiji had asked Natsuki what the brightest star in the sky was and the latter, with his knowledge and passion in astronomy, had answered Sirius. And Reiji, with a sincere smile, had told his dearest friend that he was their - Reiji and Ai's - kind, glowing star. Their star that flowed with light, kindness, warmth and emotion. A star that glowed even brighter that the brightest star in the night sky itself, Sirius. And for him to never forget that. 

And Natsuki never did. He never forgot.

He had held the memories in his heart, tightly, deeply and dearly, with that kind, warm smile that lingered on for those he loved and cared about, and written them out into his solo song, which he had dedicated especially to Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus. Connected the stars that shone within him into a constellation that no one else would ever be able to create. Poured out emotions warmer than any artificial glows and their colours, feelings gentler than the glistening water or the ocean of lights before their eyes, thoughts and recollections kind and consoling just like he had always been. And all of it, with their utmost sincerity and brightness, had intertwined with one another to create a ballad that not only represented him, but defined who he was. A pure, gentle ballad sung deeply as it was witnessed by the four of them, the fireflies, the moon, stars and waters, its heartfelt incandescence illuminating the bright night with every ounce of heart poured into it.

"Promise to Sirius"... A ballad that brought Reiji to tears over and over again from the moment the first lyrics were sung by a heart so warm and kind despite how broken it was.

 _Tears that my heart once forgot how to cry._ Reiji's thoughts were as quiet as the slipping, transient night, trickling by like the cold yet consoling and soundless blue. _Tears that my heart would still believe that it did not deserve to let even a single drop of fall if you were not here. Tears of a heart that has been moved, that is no longer dormant but is instead radiating with colours and emotions and memories that I will never give up for anything. Tears of warmth, tears that I can let go of and feel flowing down my face with a sincere smile._

_Tears from you. Tears because of you._

_You... who truly, truly shines brighter than Sirius, just like I said you do._

_Tears from the moment I... am truly happy. Truly, purely happy, no matter how many times I thought I didn't deserve happiness._

He remembered how he had been the first one to step forward once Natsuki had stopped singing and the music had ended. He remembered how warm tears were already endlessly slipping down his cheeks as his lips curved into a genuine smile and he took the younger blond into his arms, whispering his feelings, thanking him, telling him that Natsuki made all of them happy, that he was truly brighter than Sirius, that he was their shining star and always would be, their precious family. And he had tightened his arms around Natsuki as the latter's tears dribbled down onto his shoulder and Ai, Ranmaru and Camus surrounded and joined them, the five of them holding one another, watched over by nothing but silence and light.

_I... I am happy._

"I am glad."

Ai's voice was quiet, close to a whisper. His eyes remained looking up at the stars, a small smile gracing his lips.

"As simple as it sounds and is, despite the complexities of everything, I truly am."

Reiji let out a chuckle and beamed. "I was just thinking of the same thing, Ai-Ai. I'm happy too. Really happy."

"Me too, Ai-chan, Rei-chan-senpai."

Natsuki's kind green eyes twinkled with tenderness, his smile soft like his voice.

"I can feel it in my heart that I'm nervous about tomorrow night. So, so nervous knowing how important it is to all of us, among many other emotions that you guys know about. But... more than that, I'm really happy too. Knowing that we are all doing this together - us, Myu-chan-senpai and Maru-chan-senpai. Knowing that so many people are supporting us all the way. I feel loved - deeply, deeply loved."

His smile softened as he looked around at both Ai and Reiji.

"Loved... and happy."

"We all get those pre-show jitters, don't we?" Reiji remarked and he and Natsuki laughed as Ai chuckled, their voices ringing warmly into the cool night. "Though 'jitters' does sound too much of an understatement considering how important this live is to us." His smile widened. "But... the five of us are gonna send everyone's hearts racing and brimming with emotion, alright! It'll be a bright, burning and emotional ride for not just them but all of us, and we'll all be sure to make 'em feel it within their hearts!"

"An unconventional debut," Ai commented, smiling faintly, "and simultaneously, one that will linger in a myriad of hearts: theirs, and ours."

"Yeap!"

Natsuki's eyes brightened as he pulled both Ai and Reiji into a tight hug, causing the latter to laugh and hug back. The only people other than the people at Shining Agency who knew about the surprise debut were Eli and his parents, Yuuto, and Natsuki's parents. All who were with them all the way. Reiji's heart turned warmer as he recalled how Eli had thrown his arms around Natsuki with an incredibly happy smile when they told him at the ice-cream parlour, how Yuuto had called and congratulated all of them after Eli told him the news, and how Natsuki's parents had told their only son that they were coming here from Hokkaido and would be at the live show tomorrow night. And Eli had voluntarily helped arrange for Natsuki's parents to get front seats at the live, remarking with a genuine smile that this was going to be a live bound to be remembered with a true smile.

 _After some more discussion, we extended the set list_ , Reiji remembered as he tightened his arms around Natsuki, smiling lightly. _The first three songs of our main unit project, then "Poison Kiss" and "Starlight Memory", and last but not least... Nattsun's "Promise to Sirius"._

Natsuki had been shocked when all of them suggested ending the debut live with his latest solo song, with Ai being the one to come up with the idea in the first place. But with encouragement from all four of them, with a sincere smile, Natsuki had nodded with pure emotions in his green eyes, promising that he would make the stage bright.

_There is no one else who should end this emotional, illumining live. Our fifth and final QUARTET NIGHT member, the one who brought us all together and connected us more than anything and anyone, whose heart is bright with kindness and warmth that never wavered no matter what. And with that heart and its melody..._

Reiji smiled softly,

_... is truly deserving... to smile._

"Ai-chan. Rei-chan-senpai."

"Yes, Nattsun?" Reiji asked, his thoughts interrupted as Natsuki pulled away slightly, although his arms remained wrapped around both of them. Much to his and Ai's surprise, Natsuki looked a little uneasy, and Reiji's heart immediately turned worried. "You can tell us anything, Nattsun. Always."

Ai nodded in agreement and Natsuki smiled faintly, although the nervousness lingered in his eyes.

"It's just... There is something that I have been thinking of a lot and I'm still quite nervous as to what you guys will think, but... there is something that I want and need to show you before tomorrow's live."

"What is it?" Reiji asked curiously, giving Natsuki's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. His lips slanted into a smile. "Whatever it is, you know we'll be right here with ya, right?"

"Do we need to go elsewhere?" Ai inquired softly. "If you are not comfortable with anything, you are more than welcome to tell us and we will make the necessary adjustments."

"Ai-Ai's right."

"This is more than okay," Natsuki assured them, smiling gently while shaking his head. "We do not need to go anywhere else; there's no other place I'd rather tell you guys at." He lowered his eyes, a soft smile lingering in his expression. A smile that was gentle, but tinged with sadness too as he let out a quiet exhale. "It was the other thing that I hid, along with the composition and lyrics of 'Promise to Sirius'. Something that... was painful for me to look at."

He then dipped his hand into the pocket of his jeans and took out a folded piece of white paper. Quietly, he scooted backwards, and knowing what Natsuki wanted, Ai and Reiji scooted on the grass as well so they were all seated in one small circle, facing one another. Looking up at them, Natsuki held out the piece of paper to them with a faint smile, his green eyes filled with gentleness, nervousness and sadness all at once. 

"Please open it, Ai-chan, Rei-chan-senpai." 

With one hand remaining on the kind blond's shoulder, Reiji nodded and Ai gently took the paper from Natsuki's palm and carefully unfolded it. The two senpais watched as the paper slowly unravelled its contents, and within less than a moment, Reiji's heart thrummed in utter shock as his breath nearly stopped. 

_Nattsun..._

The paper was a still kaleidoscope of unspoken emotions. There was struggle, chaos and a whirlwind of emotions within colours both seen and unseen. There was uncertainty, sadness and anguish flooding all over the white expanse with scribbles, scratches and invisible wounds like waves and fire. All in black ink. All with the same handwriting and same four words written over and over again like a reprise of grief, like the echoes of a wish that no one tried to notice or understand.

_"I need your love"... Those four words, repeated over and over again in struggle and vain, in sadness and anguish and grief..._

All of it, together and at the exact same time, quietly pierced through Reiji's heart in an unspoken realization and nearly brought tears falling from his eyes all over again as he felt his own shoulders quiver like leaves in a storm.

 _I can hear you crying again..._ his own thoughts were breaking his heart again like glass, _and see your tears all over again. Seeing those words written like that is the same as watching you cry alone... and that hurts so, so much, more than anything, Nattsun._

" _'I need your love'..._ "

Ai's voice were filled with silent pain, just like the expression in his teal eyes. He looked at Natsuki, the sadness never fading away, as he spoke again.

"That is the last line of the choruses of 'Promise to Sirius'. I am aware of its significance and emotions, but seeing it written in this unsystematic and unorthodox manner brings to light an immeasurable amount of pain and the thought of it... is painful, Natsuki."

"While working on your song..."

Reiji curled his fingers around Natsuki's own and squeezed them gently, a lump forming in his throat as he tried to not cry.

"... even as beautiful as it turned out to be... it hurt you so much... didn't it?"

"Before that night I fell on the sidewalk, that night you took me in, I... I couldn't write past those words," Natsuki confessed softly, tracing a line along the words with his index finger, his green eyes gentle with sadness. "I was stuck within those words no matter how much time passed, no matter how much I gave to the song, and I gave it everything. I felt like I didn't understand exactly whom those words were referring to. Whose love did I need? Who was it that I felt I had yet to know about and had always protected me? Why didn't I understand? Why couldn't I understand? And..."

His finger stopped moving and he smiled weakly.

"Why... couldn't I move past this sadness?"

_"Wanting to change, unable to change_

_Farewell, my heart..."_

Warm tears threatened to fall as Reiji tightened his hold on Natsuki's hand and Ai wrapped a hand on the blond's shoulder, his heart trembling with the agony of each and every word like the stars' lights wavering in a broken, stormy night. 

"But... now I understand... why I couldn't."

With tears glistening in his eyes behind his black-framed glasses, Natsuki looked at both Reiji and Ai, the light in those eyes trembling quietly.

"That love, those emotions, that I needed more than anything... Even before all those broken nights, even before you took me in... my heart... didn't feel it throughout all of it. Neither was it completely bright even as I smiled. Even though I knew what love was and felt like... all that time, it felt like I was wandering in the rain alone, even though I knew the directions to my own house, searching for something bright in a cold night where I couldn't really see anything, unsure what to change, unsure how to change. And that house... was not where I felt loved with all my heart, where I could truly smile. Even though I took too long to realize it... that was the truth. That and the fact that... the home that my heart was looking for was not that house."

The tears rolled down his face as his hand in Reiji's quivered and he took Ai's with his free hand.

"It was you guys. Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, Sacchan, Myu-chan-senpai, Maru-chan-senpai and everyone. It was all of you whom my heart meant all along in that line _'I need your love'_. All of you without whom I would still be walking in the darkness and rain alone. After all the sadness and pain and anguish, after all the tears and broken pieces and painful smiles... my heart... is finally glowing with that promise that I made to all of you, the promise to be honest and sincere and to always, always protect you guys with a soul that wishes to be stronger and brighter. With this melody that would never have shone with colour if not for you."

His voice cracked with a quiet sob as he slowly raised his eyes to look at them, his gentle eyes smiling as his tears glistened faintly, warm and filled with love and emotion.

"Thank you... for loving me... even when... I couldn't be strong for anyone." His smile was deeply warm as his voice softened, his wavering exhale nearly quiet. "Even when I couldn't smile brightly... even when the tears wouldn't stop and I couldn't say the right words and ended up falling apart when it hurt everyone so much. Even when I didn't know what to do about a heart that wished to be stronger and yet wasn't sure it could be as it broke more and more with each passing moment, with each goodbye, with each cold tear..."

He squeezed their hands tightly even as his hands trembled even more violently, sniffling as his smile reflected his heart, emotions that were far brighter than even the stars watching over them.

"For walking with me and never letting go... and always... guiding me home."

_"Nestled close together, counting the falling stars_

_Two as one, praying to the heavens for our same dream"_

_Home... The walk home..._

As warm tears dribbled down Natsuki's cheeks like falling stars, his words echoed gently inside Reiji's head like the clear ripples across a sky of sunshine and the memories seeped quietly with their earnest imagery and voices in the intertwining of sounds and colours as they were. The walk home... It... hadn't been easy. It wasn't easy. It was never easy. Even when they were all together, the rain did not stop for them. Neither did the tears nor the broken lights and memories. That night in which the senpais had found Natsuki broken down on that sidewalk had been an excruciating memory. So were all the doubts as to what they deserved and did not, the painful kindness and hope, the fear that they were not enough compared to everyone else, the wishes that seemed to be hopeless, the broken dreams and pasts, the bleeding of hearts that were crying all alone, the words that wavered when all they wanted was to whisper the sole wish to be loved. 

_It was broken... and painful and torture. Terrified of losing what mattered the most, crying out at the sight of the people you love the most so broken even as bright and warm as they were. And for so, so long, all the time I was alone... I was too scared to take the first step out of that darkness, let go of that mask, not wanting to destroy anyone's lives, terrified, so, so scared... to be happy... truly, truly happy._

Ever since Aine's attempted suicide, Reiji had been terrified of happiness. Of how warm and loved it made him feel all over. Because he knew exactly what it was like for that happiness, that euphoria to be snatched away from him, leaving him hollow and alone, leaving him with a smile that could only mask the screams and cries that he wished to hide from anyone and everyone. He could remember how tortured his heart had been seeing how kind Natsuki had always been to him no matter what, how much his heart cried at the warmth of that kindness, believing that he did not deserve it, terrified that Natsuki would hate him. And Reiji still teared up at times remembering that agony, how painful that warmth could be when he was incredibly terrified.

_And I've seen everyone I love most suffer before my eyes. Nattsun, Ai-Ai, Ran-Ran, Myu-chan... The five of us... We bled on the outside and in our hearts. We have felt how hollow and lonely a heart was alone, seen and felt tears falling from our eyes, cried, screamed, yelled, fought... We have seen colours blind us and fade away, collapsed to the point that we could not piece ourselves together, believed in painful lies that were never, never true in the first place... and so there was the darkness and there were nights... when we did not even have the strength to be that incandescent star, to smile through it all, even as the light waned and the rain fell._

Images flickered inside his head like colours against broken glass: Ranmaru screaming with sheer torture in his burning eyes and collapsing in Reiji's arms with broken sobs, Camus gritting his teeth as he tried his hardest to not show how much suffering he felt for everyone, tears quietly trickling down Ai's face as he thought that he would not be enough and down Natsuki's face as he bowed down to the audience for his and Satsuki's sakes under the lights of the broken stage.

_And yet..._

Unable to hold them back any longer, Reiji felt warm tears slip down his own cheeks as the night faded by, the emotions shrouding the three of them as unwavering as they were too much for the heart to bear alone, just like how a single star alone would never create a sea of lights no matter how hard it tried to.

_We're crying together... for an entirely different reason now._

"If not for you guys, I would still be saying that I didn't deserve this."

Reiji shook his head, a weak smile curving on his face.

"But tonight is so bright and you guys are here with me and... I'm happy, ya know." His voice cracked with sobs, but his smile did not dim away. "This happiness, this feeling that I need your love and you need mine back and that the want's mutual... That's all I wanted all along, even as much as I hated myself and thought I didn't deserve happiness. And now as I cry with you... I'm happy. With all my heart, I'm so warm and happy and I'm so grateful... that I got to be with you guys. You two, Myu-chan, Ran-Ran... I wouldn't know where I'd be without you guys."

" _'I need your love'_ is a message that every heart wishes to deliver to the subject of the 'your' of the statement."

Ai smiled gently at Reiji and Natsuki, his voice nearly inaudible.

"And now... it has become 'I love you'... right? This... is what the statement 'I love you' means, right?"

"Yeap, Ai-chan."

Wrapping his arm around Ai, Natsuki's smile brightened as he nodded, his voice warm and kind.

"Nothing would be as bright as it is now... if we didn't love one another, Ai-chan."

Smiling sincerely as the tears rolled down his cheeks, Reiji whispered their names and pulled them into a tight hug, which they both immediately returned. He remembered the dawn Natsuki woke up after collapsing at Shining's mansion for the first time, after Satsuki had slammed at the senpais' faces the cold truth about what STARISH had done to Natsuki. He remembered how he, for the first time, had broken down in front of Natsuki, how all of them had felt extremely guilty and anguished towards one another, how they had held one another with the deep promise that they would not smile if any of them were not, that they would allow the others to be there for them, regardless what happened, regardless of anything.

 _We all kept that promise, alright._ _With all our hearts, we did, Ai-Ai, Nattsun._

Warmth bloomed quietly inside Reiji's chest as he tightened his arms around Ai and Natsuki, his smile softening as the tears rained down tenderly down his face. 

_A promise that will never cease to glow any time of the day, just... like you._

Natsuki Shinomiya

_Bright._

_The stage, the lights, the ocean of people and sounds. The memories, the emotions, the melodies. The wishes to remember and be remembered, to understand and be understood, to accept and love and to be accepted and loved back. The warm tears, the bright hearts, the lingering love and joy amidst a million stars and words meant from the deepest parts of the heart. That brightness and all the vivid colours that may not create a classic seven-coloured rainbow but are able to define it in a beautiful way nothing else can..._

_To be able to feel it with one heartbeat, one soul, gently yet vividly, all at once..._

Natsuki felt his lips ease into an earnest smile as he silently held out his left hand to the audience, his heart pulsating with a myriad of bright emotions that illuminated every part of him like stars across a night sky that would have been cold and empty without them.

_I'm not really sure... how I've been able to hold back my tears throughout this whole live show until this very moment. Because everything is warm and bright beyond words and it's all because... they are here, the people who love and care about me regardless of anything, and the fact that on this very night, just like every beating moment..._

His right hand placed itself onto the right side of his chest, his heartbeat thumping loudly in this gentle cadence illumined by the emotions glowing in everyone's hearts.

_I can feel them with me, in this heartbeat that wouldn't have a melody without them._

The instrumentals of "Promise to Sirius" resonated throughout the illumined atmosphere as the crowd clapped and cheered warmly without any shrieks or yells, keeping the air consistently serene but also lively and bright, just like the yellow, white and pale azure glows radiating from the stage. It was the finale of the new QUARTET NIGHT's debut live, as well as the anti-bullying week's final live show. Before their live were Yuuto's speech and Eli's self-composed song. Yuuto had broken down when confessing how he had felt ever since his late best friend Aika passed away, while Eli had smiled through his tears as he sang his solo song, which was about forgiveness and kindness and the metaphors revolving around them. And both of them had wished Natsuki, Ai, Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru the very best of luck before QUARTET NIGHT's surprise debut live began. He had felt the unsteadiness of his racing heartbeat while waiting with his four closest friends, terrified, nervous and worried all at once, but seeing everyone with him, with the silent promise that they were all together and everything would be fine, he did his best to remain calm and smiled with his heart as the seconds faded by.

_I... I didn't disappear..._

Throughout the entire live show, his parents had been seated at the front row with Shining Saotome and the two teachers, Ryuya and Ringo. And sitting at the second front row were Ren, Cecil and Otoya, all who had come to support Natsuki and the senpais regardless of their band members' disapproval, and further behind them were the baristas from the cafe that the five of them frequented, including Natsuki's good friend Taiki. 

_I fell apart and into pieces, but... I'm here... in this very moment._

Watching over him with pure encouragement from backstage were Eli and Yuuto along with the rest of the anti-bullying week student staff. Observing him with the honest desire to protect him was Satsuki, who was always, always within his heart. And standing with Eli and Yuuto, sharing a deep, unwavering bond with Natsuki, looking out for him with sincere smiles and emotions like always... 

... were Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus, his best friends, his band members.

_I'm here with a bright and open heart... singing for you as I reach out with a true smile._

Memories of their group performances, both the sub-unit and five-man group lives, of the debut live flashed inside Natsuki's head in waves of vivid colours and sounds, and he felt his smile soften like his beating heart at the recollection of their intertwined passion and melody, how everything that they had fought and worked deeply hard for had unravelled with immeasurable colour and light, how they had sung, smiled and cried out with their deepest emotions, sharing everything amidst their togetherness like they had grown to with one another. As his best friends' images flooded through his head like a surge of starlight, he felt the tears threaten to fall as he inhaled and exhaled, knowing that the last part of the song was coming.

 _Thank you..._ he whispered in his head as he held the microphone close to his lips _, and... I love you. More than anything in the world... I love you._

Letting out one last exhale, he heard the change in melody and sang with every iota of his heart:

_"I sing for you_

_Devoted to this love"_

In his mind, he saw the memories of the five of them backstage, right before their cue to go onstage to introduce themselves as the new QUARTET NIGHT. They were all in their chosen attires that they had coordinated with one another for and now gathered in a circle, with Natsuki standing between Reiji and Ai. Giving one another sincere smiles and words of encouragement, determination and unspoken promises, their emotions radiating warmly in their joined hearts, the five of them shared a hard, passionate bro-fist and said together, "QUARTET NIGHT!" And being a part of it had amplified the emotions bursting through his soul like a wave of colours, shining past his anxiety with a heartbeat of brightness and joy.

_"Your honest smile,"_

They sang with and for one another. Song after song, melody after melody, Natsuki could feel everything breathing with pure emotion within his heart. Each and every performance they gave had all shone with the colours of their hearts, with their irreplaceable bond that no one could ever imitate. From their sub-unit songs to "Poison Kiss" to "Starlight Memory", everyone gave everything they had... and that was what truly brought the stage alight with their heartbeat. As he sang the words in this final performance, with the wish that he managed to move the hearts of everyone watching, Natsuki thought of his dearest friends' honest smiles, the kind of smile that he had written into "Promise to Sirius". The contented smile on Camus' face when he and Natsuki were walking his pet dog Alexander along a secluded park in the early morning, the lopsided grin on Ranmaru's face when he was relaxed on his bed, his red sofa, on a peaceful evening, strumming a lively song on his bass, the serene smile on Ai's face when he carefully unrolled the small scrolls of paper from his jar of memories and emotions, the bright beam on Reiji's face whenever the five of them did something together. The smiles when they performed together, the emotions glowing amidst them... Each and every single one of them were stars in his heart, joint together to form an invisible yet beautiful constellation of their own, drawing forth memories, as well as tears.

_"I want to hold it close"_

_I always will._

With a smile that was nearly a tearful one, he let out a quick exhale and sang with a higher tone, with every part of his heart and soul, in this memory that would always remain within him, remembered with a bright smile and warm tears, like how they always would be:

_"So I want to shine_

_Even more brightly than Sirius_

_For eternity... Let's be together_

_I need your love"_

Singing the last parts of the song, he could feel his heartbeat louder than ever, the emotions overflowing like a rush of warmth and light. He suddenly felt a hand place itself onto his shoulder and his eyes widening slightly, he turned and his heart quivered with emotion. Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus were standing right behind him, having come up onstage without him noticing, all of them smiling at him. Letting out a quiet chuckle, Reiji gave Natsuki's shoulder a tight squeeze and smiled earnestly at him, his emotions reflected in his grey eyes. 

"We love you, Nattsun," he whispered.

Natsuki's eyes widened as the tears finally came slipping down his cheeks like falling stars, and he could hardly hear the audience's cries and cheers over the words echoing in his head and his thumping heartbeat that was warm with tears of a heart that had been touched by the people dearest to him. Ai placed his hand on top of Reiji's on his shoulder as Ranmaru and Camus stepped closer, and Natsuki smiled warmly at all of them through his tears before letting out a quiet exhale and singing in a near whisper into the microphone:

_"Hey, let me pledge... eternally,"_

He placed his hand on top of Ai's hand, squeezing it gently with a sincere smile and a quivering breath, truly, truly believing in the words "I am not alone", because he wasn't and never would be ever again.

_"I need your love"_

As soon as the last syllable was sung, bursts suddenly rang through the atmosphere and yellow, silver, crimson, viridian, ice-blue and lavender confetti and sparkles rained down on the five of them and the crowds erupted into colossal cheer and cries with the unanimous chanting of "QUARTET NIGHT" and each of their names. Lowering the microphone, Natsuki could only stare with eyes widened with tears as everyone got up and clapped, colours falling all around them, the memories of tonight illuminating everyone and everything around them.

_Winter has come._

Even as he could hardly believe how everything around him was this bright and colourful, Natsuki felt Ranmaru clasp a hand onto the back of his head as Reiji and Ai pulled him into a tight hug that everyone joined sincerely. 

_The red, orange and brown leaves have flowed across the sky like flower petals. The birdies, squirrels and other animal friends have all tucked themselves into warm places to rest with peaceful smiles. And the small, precious snowflakes have begun to float down the sky..._

He could feel warmth emanating from all the senpais as he wrapped his arms around the people nearest to him, a few quiet sobs trembling through his lips as a hand that he recognized as Reiji's hand rubbed his back up and down soothingly.

_Cold, crystalline and beautiful._

_"Stay strong and keep going, Natsuki."_

Satsuki's words from the time they were able to talk to each other when Natsuki fell unconscious reverberated clearly through his head like a warm cadence of an unforgettable refrain, and he smiled faintly as he tightened his arms around his closest friends. Natsuki wished that Satsuki was physically here just like everyone else was so that he could give him a big, warm hug and thank him in person for protecting him and promise that he would do his best to stay strong and keep going just like the alter ego had always wanted for him. 

_It's a season that can be cold and painful and filled with so much pain and sadness, but it's just like any other season, just like autumn, summer and spring. Even as there are tears and cries of agony and grief, there are and will also be tears, laughs and smiles of warmth and happiness. And there are moments like this, moments that will be carved into our hearts with bright colours and words, where the lights do not blind but glow warmly, where the snow is not cold but beautiful and precious..._

"I love you too."

Natsuki whispered softly, his lips easing into a warm smile.

"All of you, guys..."

_It's the season of cold, cold snow... but with you... with all of you... it's also a season of "I love you", just like every other season that will come, now and always._

When the five of them pulled away, Natsuki could see the tears and bright smile on Reiji's face, the serene smile in Ai's bright teal eyes, the slanted grin on Ranmaru's face, the contented look glimmering in Camus' ice-blue eyes. With a bright, earnest smile spreading across his face, Natsuki knew deep within his heart that this was the light of their season, their vibrant, unwavering melody resonating in a shared heartbeat, their sky of stars and colours that would glow no matter what. 

_So even though there will be pain and worries and sadness..._

With his hands holding Reiji and Ai's, Natsuki bowed with his four close friends to the audience and looked up at the ceiling as the lights illuminated the auditorium, just like how the stars would always be in their hearts to warm them on the inside and guide them home with the streaks that made up their constellations.

_There will always be a bright sky to look up to, to feel within our hearts, just like how there will always be flowers even in winter, lights even in the darkest days, smiles even in the echoes of grief. I sing for you and I love you and need you, just like I wrote in the song... and that... is my eternal promise to you._

_"So I want to shine_

_Even more brightly than Sirius_

_For eternity... Let's be together_

_I need your love"_

\- "Promise to Sirius", by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kishow Taniyama)


	42. Winter Wish

Ai Mikaze

Christmas, based on Ai's research, was commonly associated with peace.

The brightly-lit, multi-coloured baubles adorning the large Christmas tree at the centre of a fountain square. The crystalline, near-transparent snowflakes dancing down the nights illuminated by white and warm-coloured streetlamps as well as a multitude of graceful silver stars, nearly resembling white flower petals falling in a rhythmic slow-motion. The countless ornaments granting even more colour and light to the nightscape beyond glass windows and past the edges of high balconies and rooftops. 

The Christmas lullabies and carols playing gently from stereos and radio stations. The warm, cozy scarves, sweaters and blankets wrapped around kindred spirits celebrating the annual holiday. The joyous stories from children's books and the hot chocolate that accompanied soft laughs and smiles amidst consoling silence and company. The aesthetics, activities, atmospheres... All the factors and possibilities amidst them had genuine potential to grant the people celebrating the occasion utmost serenity, which, Ai had no doubt, countless would desire.

However-

" _'Love is a mysterious thing'_!"

"Kotobuki, you insolent _fool_!"

... did his group seem to have any probability of being the slightest bit capable of having a peaceful Christmas?

" _'If we chase it, it runs away'_!" Reiji shouted the lyrics over to Camus, who was vehemently in pursuit of him with a raised sceptre. The brunet laughed as he shook his green maracas with a grin that shifted back and forth between humour and panic. " _'If it runs away, we chase it again'_! Like me! I'm runnin' away from bein' hit by Myu-chan! And Myu-chan's tryin' to get me! That makes the song all the more relatable, right?"

"I swear in the name of sweets that I will not allow you and your repulsive karaoke tendencies to blemish my ballad for your self-entertainment!" Camus bellowed. "Do not expect you to leave this skirmish unscarred, you facetious peasant!"

"Wahh!"

Facepalming, Ai let out a quiet sigh as Ranmaru guffawed in hysterics and Natsuki chuckled. It was the morning of Christmas Eve. The five of them had no work scheduled for the day, as well as Christmas day, so they were lounging in the living room area, chatting about what all of them desired to do for the upcoming occasion. The bickering had been pleasantly kept to a minimum, with a few insults and snarky remarks being fired between Ranmaru and Camus, when Reiji abruptly, with a wide grin, suggested a Christmas Eve karaoke starring a made-up metal-rock version of Camus' ballad "Aurora" and yelled out the lyrics, inciting the Permafrost count's indignance. Natsuki, who had been reading a childhood Christmas story to Ai, let out a cry of surprise when Reiji threw himself onto him, clinging onto the blond tightly as Camus pointed his sceptre at his face.

_While the circumstances severely deviate from... "serene", as well as "normal", with the five of us in the equation..._

Ai hid an amused smile as Camus grabbed Reiji by the back of the latter's shirt collar and attempted to pull him off Natsuki, who reciprocated Reiji's hug, with Ranmaru's remarks not at all alleviating the chaos.

_... this is rather entertaining, as absurd as it is._

"Is this the 'lovely time' you described in that ballad of yours, sugar cube?" Ranmaru inquired with a smug smirk as Reiji laughed and tightened his hold on Natsuki. "'Cause I don't think that this is what comes to mind to the fans who read that part of the lyrics."

"You are referencing the lyrics completely out of context, you meat-loving buffoon!" Camus boomed. "If you are going along with Kotobuki's ridiculous quotations, how about we mutilate one of your precious songs next? Perhaps we could start with creating a _stupendous_ parody of 'Bright Road'?"

"Don't you dare bring my songs into this, ice statue!" Ranmaru barked.

"I'm so happy we're all having so much fun already!"

"No, we're not!" Camus and Ranmaru vehemently denied, spinning around to face Natsuki, who was beaming brightly at everyone. But with his arms still wrapped around Reiji, Natsuki's smile did not waver as he shook his head and his eyes shone with pure happiness.

"And we're all going to have more and more fun throughout our Christmas holiday! I just get happier and happier thinking of the Christmas party we are going to have here together. The songs, the games, the dinner, the gift exchange, everything that we get to do together..." His eyes softened as his voice grew quieter with warmth. "That's already a wish come true for me, guys."

"Aww, Nattsun... don't make us cry before the celebration's even begun!"

Beaming, Reiji readjusted his position so that he was facing Natsuki with one arm wrapped around the gentle blond.

"Not that I disagree with anythin' you just said, though! I'm so glad that we get to have our own party this time. Shiny-san's parties are burstin' with life and all, but being here in this apartment just the five of us feels more special, ya know. We still can't completely let loose in parties knowin' the public eye's watching, but here at our own home, we can break free, alright!"

"If 'breaking free' means you fooling around like the absolute fool you are, Kotobuki," Camus remarked with a smirk, "then I could not agree more."

"Hey!"

"I can already predict the catastrophes that will 100% occur during the games that we have agreed upon," Ai commented, glancing at the list of games on the word document on his laptop screen. He smiled slightly as Natsuki pulled him into a gentle half-hug. "However, I can safely say that it is a trademark of our group, and that is not a bad thing, right?"

"Dump all the ideas of quiet, boring Christmases," Ranmaru said with a wide grin. "Or some wild party that we don't even wanna attend." He leaned back against the backrest of the red sofa and his grin morphed into a smirk. "You can bet that I won't be showin' any mercy in the games. Can't wait to see who'll survive the King's Game and Truth or Dare!"

"And I can't wait to give all of you lots and lots of warm hugs!" Natsuki chimed in, his eyes sparkling. His face lit up. "Oh, actually, I'll start now! Maru-chan-senpai!"

"Wait, what- No, Natsuki- Ahh!"

Ai could not help but laugh with Reiji and Camus as Natsuki wrapped his arms around a shrieking Ranmaru, the two polar opposites toppling over to the floor. The five of them celebrating together could never hope to achieve a quiet, serene Christmas, with the group consisting of such colourful personalities that were chaotic more often than not, whether or not they intended to be. They had been invited to Shining's Christmas party, just like they all were every year, but they had decided to celebrate themselves and thankfully, their eccentric boss had been understanding enough to not coerce them into coming. 

_Ho ho ho!_ Shining had guffawed with a booming voice, causing Ranmaru to smack a hand against his own face hard as Natsuki and Reiji smiled awkwardly. _Looks like both the new STARISH and the new QUARTET NIGHT have decided to take the time to bond in their respective groups in private! Splendid, splendid, QUARTET NIGHT! Now I have a more concrete reason to give those VIPs in regards to everyone's absence! Although..._

 _Although what, Shiny-san?_ Reiji had asked when Shining drawled on without finishing his sentence, which had caused Camus to frown suspiciously.

Shining had given them a large grin. 

_If you had chosen to come, I'd have had paired up all eleven of you Shining Stars for some extraordinary Christmas duets!_

That had triggered countless vehement protests and rants, courtesy of Ranmaru, and as much as they were milder about it, none of them stopped or disagreed with him.

 _Do you_ want _a Christmas disaster?_

Although previously overwhelmed by Natsuki's affectionate hugs, Ranmaru retaliated by expertly flipping their positions so that the taller blond was laying with his back against the floor, trapping him there, and with a sly smirk, tickled his ribs. "Maru-chan-sen- Wahh!" Natsuki half-yelped-half-laughed as Ranmaru tightened his grip on the struggling blond. Flashing a cheeky grin, Reiji let out a cry of excitement and pounced onto Ranmaru, triggering a loud curse from the silver-haired rocker. 

"What an unconventional morning on Christmas Eve," Camus mused, almost as though he could read Ai's thoughts. A low chuckle rumbled from his throat. "If there were any spectators outside of our quintet witnessing this, they may dare assume that we are insane."

Ai let out a quiet laugh. "I agree." He felt gentle emotions shroud his heart like warm, melted snow, and his smile softened. "But I would not have this moment any other way other than as sincere as it is."

Camus looked at the three males on the floor, then at Ai, and he smiled. "Hmph... they do say that insanity has quite the resemblance to being ingenious."

The brief exchange with Camus made Ai smile on the inside. As blunt as they both were, they were normally deemed to be the most rigid and least emotional of the group, due to their outwardly stoic and cold demeanours. However, it was clear to Ai that neither of them were at all considered outsiders in this five-man group despite the stark contrasts in personalities, and being reminded of it brought warmth blooming softly inside his chest. 

_Winter may be known as the coldest of the four seasons, but..._

Ai smiled a little when Natsuki pulled him and Camus towards him for a bear hug, and Reiji bounced onto a shrieking Ranmaru.

_... it has one of the warmest occasions, as beautiful as it is ironic._

Ranmaru Kurosaki

Parties.

When Ranmaru sang the line _"We'll slip out of this useless party"_ in his song "Bright Road", he had really meant it. He never considered himself a big fan of parties. Parties were all-too-often extravagant. Showy. Fancy. Excessive. All that Ranmaru was definitely _not_ and would never be. Even as a kid, back when he was still a young heir to the Kurosaki conglomerate, he did not look forward to any of them. The ridiculously shiny chandeliers, the excessive splurging and chatter, the fake laughter and arrogant bragging, the stifling suits and ties, the music that unsurprisingly almost never overlapped with Ranmaru's tastes... He definitely wanted nothing more than to be miles and miles away from there the moment he stepped in. If anything, those parties sounded like exactly what _Camus_ would enjoy, and since when did they agree about anything?

And one other thing about parties. One thing that Ranmaru would never, never forget or could afford to for that matter. There were those boring, lifeless parties filled with sappy ballads and unbearably stiff airs, those that Ranmaru would gladly tune out with the blaring of his red headphones if no one's reputation was on the freaking line, but then there was another kind of parties and those... were the _crazy_ ones.

Especially when there was no way to slip out of them. Wait, that was not the most insane situation.

Especially if you were not stuck in a crazy party, but _were_ the crazy party.

To be completely fair, the party that he was currently at was not at all the same as the parties that madman Shining Saotome threw with the insensible ideas lurking behind that wide grin that meant horrible luck for every single one of them. By textbook definition, it could not really be called one in the first place. For starters, there were only five of them. Himself, Natsuki, Ai, Reiji and Camus - a group too small to be considered a crowd. And they were not giving themselves up to some random tune blaring on deafening speakers, getting drunk on any sort of alcohol or sifting through throngs of random VIPs or strangers. 

Instead, the five of them had been chilling at the apartment, more than anything, and God, he'd choose this over any of his insane boss' parties any day. After final Christmas shopping all over the city, the five of them had settled down and began the preparations. They had placed a medium-sized Christmas tree at the corner of the living room and decorated it as well as the rest of the commonplace, which involved loads of insults and corny jokes being thrown from north to south like sledgehammers, as well as sighs, laughs and curses ringing throughout the air. 

"Ran-Ran, since your theme colour is red, how about you dress up as Santa Claus this-"

"Unless you want a fist being shoved to your face, you'd better shut that motormouth of yours, you dunce!"

"But Rei-chan-senpai has a point! Maru-chan-senpai would look cute dressed up as Santa!"

"That would be an interesting sight to take note of. It has the potential to serve as valuable data."

"Neither of you are wrong. It would indeed be quite the rare sight."

"No, I won't! Reiji, stop planting ideas into Natsuki's head! Ai, _no_. And as for you, ice prick, _shut up_!"

By some freaking miracle, despite all the shouting, raised fists and throwing of ornaments from one head to another, the commonplace was properly decorated and did not end up in complete shambles. After the decorating was done, Reiji and Ranmaru tag-teamed in cooking the hotpot while Natsuki, Ai and Camus worked with one another to fix the drinks and make souffles, all of which had gone smoothly. As much as Ranmaru was not at all inclined to say it aloud to any of them, it was actually not bad. It was rather relaxing sitting together at the dining table having hotpot with small bowls of steamed rice and mugs of Darjeeling tea, hot white steam and the fresh, spicy aroma of the hotpot drifting throughout the cool air and blending with the strong scent of tea. It was nice to know that everyone was free to be their usual, more-often-than-not nonsensical selves in the apartment that they called "home", free to say and do whatever they wanted without feeling judged or offended, free to laugh and smile and shout as they pleased. But as much as they already had moments of crazy ridiculousness throughout the preparations and dinner...

They had not gone to the _craziest_ part yet. Not even close. As much as Ranmaru knew exactly what he was signing up for when he, along with everyone else, agreed to play games with one another, while going through with it, he could positively say that, well... yup, he had definitely lost it.

He definitely lost at least a whole chunk of his sanity spending time with this lot.

"Yay, I'm the king of this round!"

_Oh no._

Ranmaru cursed under his breath as Reiji waved his card with a happy smile spread across his face. 

_Let all the doom from this crazy goof let loose into chaos._

They were playing the King Game. In their version of the game, there were five playing cards placed face-down on a green table mat. The five cards had different symbols on them: 1, 2, 3, 4 and King. Each round required the cards to be shuffled and set on the mat, where they would each take one. Only the person who got the King card was to immediately reveal their card, proclaiming that they were the king of the current round. And the king could order any numbers to do as they pleased with no restrictions and no room for objection or negotiation. From the very start, the game had been nothing short of ridiculously shambolic, which definitely lived up to their expectations and more. And right now, Reiji, who was in complete control now, definitely wanted payback for one of the previous rounds in which Camus had forced him to sing one of Ai's songs as "ludicrously as he could humanely manage", and it had resulted in Ai silently glaring at him the whole time as he sang "Futari no Monogram". Well, at least Reiji wasn't dead - he was smart enough to not pick a ballad; he'd be long gone if he had.

 _Not that I'm not itchin' for payback myself_ , Ranmaru thought to himself, mentally facepalming at how Natsuki's eyes sparkled with innocent excitement, the younger blond clearly not understanding the tension and danger in this game, especially at this stage. _As much as Natsuki clearly wasn't tryin' to target anyone, I definitely did_ not _want to loudly list five things I liked about each and every single person in this room._

The memory of the wide grin that had spread across Reiji's face and the smug smirk on Camus' when Ranmaru paled and inadvertently spat out his hot chocolate at the king's order irked him and fueled his desire to pay them back when he got his moment.

 _I had to call Camus 'loyal despite his two-faced demeanour'_ and _Reiji 'mature when the situation calls for it', among a pool of freaking fifteen compliments with Natsuki not including himself._

Looking at his card, which was Number 3, he inwardly prayed that Reiji chose someone else's number, still not fully recovered from that devastating round, as Camus and Ai maintained poker faces so as to not reveal what numbers they each had.

_God, he ain't my polar opposite for nothing._

"I got it!" Reiji's cry of joy snapped Ranmaru out of his thoughts and the silver-haired rocker let out an exhale, his gut telling him that he was not going to like this. Especially with that shine in that brown-haired prankster's grey eyes. "You know, guys, Ren-Ren actually texted Nattsun and me earlier and said that he wished he could have spent time with us today."

 _Oh God_ , Ranmaru thought in horror, cursing under his breath as Camus frowned and Natsuki nodded with a smile. _Reiji plus that sly smooth-talking Casanova_ plus _this freaking game is anything but good._

"Reiji," Ranmaru started, scowling straight at the beaming brunet sitting across the glass coffee table from him, "I swear you'd better not-"

"And so I thought," Reiji continued without letting Ranmaru finish, shooting him a mischievous grin that he wanted nothing more than to punch off his face, "that as the king of this round, I'd include him in our Christmas Eve celebrations for a bit. That sounds real fun, doesn't it, fellas?"

 _Just don't pick me._ Ranmaru was internally panicking, knowing that this was going to be utter embarrassment. _Pick any other number! Just not mine! Don't pick 3! Just don't pick 3!_

"Hmm..." Reiji pretended to think.

_Just spit it out already, you dunce!_

"Okay!" He snapped his fingers. "Number 4, you have to call Ren-Ren and pretend to flirt with him!"

"Yes!" Ranmaru literally shouted with sheer relief and joy, not caring how everyone turned to him. That was a trauma-inducing order, but thank God- "It's ain't me! It ain't me!"

Reiji laughed. "You look so happy, Ran-Ran. You know, I was kinda hoping it was you..."

"What?" Ranmaru shouted as Reiji burst out laughing.

"It is not me either," Camus said, revealing his card. "I got Number 1."

"Neither is it me," Ai told them with a slight nod. "My card is Number 2."

"Hold up," Ranmaru began, his mind processing what he had just been told. "If Reiji's the king, and it ain't you two or me, then..."

The thought seemed to strike them all at the same time as Reiji and Camus visibly paled, Ai's eyes widened, and Ranmaru felt the blood drain from his face.

"What on actual-" he uttered.

"Eto... I'm Number 4."

Natsuki smiled nervously as he held up his card.

"So... how do I pretend to flirt?" His voice was as quiet as it was innocently clueless.

"Reiji, you dimwit!" Ranmaru shouted, grabbing Reiji by the collar of his olive T-shirt and glaring at his face. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Natsuki's green eyes widen in pure shock. "Is this how you're gonna completely destroy his innocence? I was honestly shocked that he wasn't the slightest bit corrupted even while sharing a bedroom with you, but I never expected you to actually taint his mind like _this_!"

"I wasn't aiming for Nattsun when I gave out that order!" Reiji protested. Camus pointed the sceptre at his throat, his eyes glaring straight at him, and Reiji started babbling even faster. "I actually aimed for you as I wanted to see how you'd do with Ren-Ren! Nattsun was the last person I wanted to give out the order to!"

"Reiji, considering that there is only a 0.25 probability that you would get your targeted player, as well as an equal probability for getting any other player, that is a rather poor excuse for our given situation," Ai remarked bluntly, not at all helping the brunet get out of this. He narrowed his teal eyes. "As much as this is a game, I expect that you will take full responsibility if Natsuki suffers as a consequence."

"Wahh, Ai-Ai!" Reiji exclaimed. "Don't be so scary!"

"Um... guys... can you please teach me how to pretend to flirt?"

Stunned, all the senpais immediately turned to face Natsuki, who smiled faintly while rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"I know you guys are worried about me, but I'm sure I'll be okay as long as it's you guys helping me," Natsuki continued, his eyes softening. "Besides, from what I've seen in idol work, there are roles that need flirting between characters, right? I think it's good if I can learn about it now so that if I am ever given such a role, I can perform well for all of us, for QUARTET NIGHT. So please... don't be mad at Rei-chan-senpai. I'll be okay; I trust all of you."

Honestly, Ranmaru could almost never understand Natsuki. While Ranmaru deeply struggled with choking out compliments about them without being a flustered mess, Natsuki could tell them his feelings so kindly and earnestly without being overwhelmed by it. Not that it was a bad thing. Releasing a heavy exhale, Ranmaru let go of Reiji's T-shirt and pondered over what the kind blond had just said, not at all sure whether they were actually going forward with the idea of teaching this poor, oblivious soul how to pretend to flirt. Natsuki had a point, though; with so many romance dramas and plays, there was bound to be a time where he'd get a role that involved flirting and he could not wander into the set not knowing the first thing about it. But with all honesty, more than anything, what got to Ranmaru was how Natsuki really meant it saying that it could help him perform well for everyone, for QUARTET NIGHT. And how he was going to be okay as he trusted them.

_I was never someone who gave my trust away so easily, but... it's actually kinda nice to be honestly told that you are trusted for once._

He folded his arms, his heart warming a bit though he was not gonna admit it out loud.

_Well... if you're being that earnest, we can't do anything halfheartedly now, can we?_

"If you're that serious 'bout learnin' for our sakes, we can't exactly turn ya down, can we?"

Ranmaru's lips parted into a slight grin as Natsuki's eyes brightened. Letting out a light chuckle, he then turned to Reiji, who was staring at him in surprise.

"Reiji, you'd better not mess this guy's innocence up when he has complete trust in all of us, including you."

"You didn't have to tell me that, Ran-Ran!" Reiji responded back with a laugh, half-protesting. "We're all gonna be the best teachers for our dear Nattsun and that includes us making sure he doesn't learn the wrong things!" Draping an arm around Natsuki, Reiji beamed and looked around at everyone. "He can pretend to flirt well and still remain as pure and innocent as he is as long as we aim for it, right, fellas?"

"That last statement is almost contradictory as it is, Kotobuki," Camus remarked, "just like your age and childish disposition."

"Hey!" Reiji exclaimed, his jaw dropping.

"However, the key word here is 'pretend', and as long as the extremities of flirting do not get ingrained to Shinomiya's typical demeanour, I would say that the goal is achieved." Camus' lips tugged upwards into a small smile. "I doubt it will be a struggle; after all, Shinomiya is no Jinguji."

"I agree," Ai spoke, smiling slightly. "After all, there has to be a logical explanation as to how Natsuki has not lost his innocence after living in one bedroom with Reiji for months, right?"

"Wha- Is it so hard to believe that I'm just a good role model for Nattsun?" Reiji whined.

"Yes," Ai, Ranmaru and Camus all said in unison.

"But Rei-chan-senpai is a wonderful role model with a really warm heart and soul, just like you guys all are!"

"... yeah. We'll be fine. The filter in his mind is just _that_ good."

"Ehh? What do you mean?"

Everyone laughed as Reiji ruffled Natsuki's blond hair and assured him that it was a compliment. And then Reiji, Ranmaru, Ai and Camus went on to begin their impromptu lesson for Natsuki on how to flirt (or pretend to, in this case). They had brought a whiteboard with wheels to the living room, where Ai and Camus wrote down the main rules that the four of them all came up with to always bear in mind when it came to flirting, which included "Do NOT be a Ren Jinguji" and "There is a significant difference between flirting and merely being annoying". And from the very start, they had all agreed that they were not going to touch on "innuendos"; Natsuki was way too innocent for that and he did not need to know innuendos to pretend to flirt properly. 

"But if Ren-kun's doing it wrong, then why do so many girls go after him everyday?" Natsuki asked, tilting his head in confusion. "Is it because he always has roses to give them?"

"For one, it's because he's well, good-looking, in terms of their standards," Ranmaru explained, inwardly cringing at the fact that he had just indirectly complimented his assigned kouhai's physical appearance. "In terms of _their_ standards," he emphasized.

"Do you need to be good-looking to the people you are flirting with in order to flirt well?"

"No!"

With this lot, lessons were not just straight-up boring theory and such or went without the slightest bit of chaos. At one point, the four senpais had done rock-paper-scissors to determine who would be forced to give Natsuki a demonstration and much to his horror, Ranmaru had lost along with Reiji. Ranmaru threatened to clobber Reiji if he tried anything funny, but that brunet clearly enjoyed himself with that wide grin and mischievous smirk of his while smoothly throwing pick-up lines and remarks at Ranmaru's face as examples for Natsuki to learn from. Reiji was nuts and while Ai had previously said there had to be a reason as to why Natsuki was still as innocent as ever despite living in one room with that unbelievable brunet, this whole time of teaching only made Ranmaru, Ai and Camus question it _even more_.

But anyway... the kid's still innocent and he was understanding things, so they were adept in their teaching, right? ... right?

When the lessons ended unceremoniously, preceding countless sighs, yells and laughs, it was time to carry out the king's order and apply what had been taught. Flashing the senpais a bright, grateful smile, Natsuki called Ren's number and put the call on speaker mode as everyone sat on the sofas. With an arm wrapped assuringly around Natsuki, Reiji smiled cheekily and placed an index finger near his lips as Ai sighed with a slight smile and Camus and Ranmaru smirked. Halfway through the lesson, Camus, Ranmaru and Ai agreed that this was the perfect opportunity to get back at Ren for all his teasing and inappropriate jokes and remarks throughout the years of knowing him, and pointing it out had made Reiji burst out laughing and Natsuki smile brightly at the fact that Ren was included in their games too.

_Now that I've calmed down a bit... I think I somehow actually get how Natsuki's still innocent despite rooming with an unbelievable, crazy maniac like Reiji._

While keeping the phone near his ear, Natsuki exhaled and smiled slightly, and Reiji tightened his arm around his best friend and smiled warmly, encouraging him gently.

_He may be a loose cannon more than half the time, but he'd do all he can to keep himself in check if it means protecting those he cares about the most._

"Hello?"

"Hi, Ren-kun," Natsuki greeted, smiling faintly as Ranmaru did his best to not burst out laughing. Across from him, Ranmaru could see Reiji trying his best to not do the same as Ai smiled faintly.

"Ah, Shinomi. I was just about to prank call Ran-chan." Ren's chuckle was heard as Ranmaru mentally cursed that blasted Casanova." What's up?"

"Um..." Natsuki rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, "before I start, I hope you know that I like you as a precious friend and always will. And that even as I say what I have to, that doesn't change, just like it never will."

"Oh Shinomi..." Ren's voice softened, hinting concern, and Reiji had to cover his own mouth as Camus smirked darkly and Ranmaru grinned. That was Natsuki being as earnest as always, but clearly, Ren got the entirely _wrong_ impression from Natsuki's confession. "That's just like you." Ranmaru could hear the smile in Ren's voice and holding the phone close to his ear, Natsuki was smiling too. "What is it that you want to say?"

_Good luck, Ren._

"Eto..."

Natsuki slowly inhaled and exhaled, looking around at everyone. Reiji winked at him as Ranmaru gave him a thumbs-up sign and Ai and Camus nodded. Nodding in response, Natsuki smiled shyly and rubbed the back of his head. "Ren-kun..."

His lips eased into a gentle smile.

"You're really handsome, Ren-kun."

"Pfft!"

Ranmaru covered his mouth just in the nick of time as he spluttered with laughter. _Oh Lord._ Camus' eyes were widened in genuine shock as Ai stared in surprise and Reiji turned away from the phone to bury his face into Ai's shoulder and muffle his laughter. _Natsuki._ _What on earth is_ that _?_ They could all hear Ren let out an audible gasp on the other side of the line as Natsuki let out an exhale and smiled, the latter's face more relaxed now, and the senpais did not have to look at one another to know that they agreed that Natsuki was being anything _but_ flirtatious. 

Burying his face in his hand, Ranmaru could feel his shoulders tremble with laughter, knowing that this was crazy but absolute _gold_.

Natsuki sounded way too earnest! 

"S-Shinomi...?" Ren spoke with barely-suppressed shock.

Blinking, Natsuki tilted his head in confusion. "Why do you sound shocked, Ren-kun? I was just being honest. And you are not only handsome. You are very talented in what you do. In singing, dancing, songwriting, cooking and so many other things! Listening to your songs light a fire into my days more times than I can even count and I never get tired of any of them because you gave your all, your heart, to them. You are also really kind and sweet to me and everyone else you love and care about, speaking up when you feel something's wrong and taking the time to be there for others. Although most people describe you as a 'playboy', everyone who loves and cares about you knows that more than anything, your heart is wonderful to us, and that'll never change."

"Shinomi, where... where is th-"

"I'm not done yet, Ren-kun," Natsuki gently interrupted, causing another wave of laughter. Although they were not laughing much, Camus and Ai's eyes grew more and more amused by the second and Ranmaru definitely could not blame them. "You are also amazing at acting. You can get into a wide range of so many different roles and glow like the fire in your heart always, always does. And at the same time, as passionate as your heart is, you are also very gentle. Like when you tucked Maru-chan-senpai into bed after he fell off the bed taking a nap while we were at your dorm-"

"Wait, _what_?" Ranmaru half-hissed-half-yelled, his face burning in utter embarrassment.

"-and how you took care of the injured horsie with me and Myu-chan-senpai when we were visiting the stables in the countryside during work. I don't often get to tell you how sweet you are as a person, so right now, I'd like to tell you that you are so, so sweet, Ren-kun. And that's one of the things I love about you."

They could hear Ren let out a deep exhale, clearly not expecting this whirlwind of compliments to come flying at his face on some random call. But seriously, as insane as it sounded, mission _freaking_ accomplished. Natsuki was still his earnest, innocent self and he was going through with Reiji's ridiculous king order smoothly. As for the flirting part wise... uh... he was definitely succeeding in overwhelming Ren, as unbelievable as it was, but when it came to the tone and mannerisms...

It was clear that he had zero experience in flirting.

But it was fine.

All was good.

"Shinomi..." Ren sounded genuinely taken aback, and Ranmaru wondered if he was blushing, "why are you telling me this? I mean, it's not a bad thing and it's so like you to be upfront and honest, but... why suddenly?"

"Actually, Ren-kun..." Natsuki smiled shyly, his cheeks reddening, "I was playing the King Game with Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, Myu-chan-senpai and Maru-chan-senpai. My number was given the order to pretend to flirt with you, Ren-kun..."

Natsuki's voice grew shyer as Ranmaru, Camus and Reiji laughed and Ai smiled in amusement.

"I know I can't flirt nearly as well as you do, Ren-kun, but... I meant everything I said, Ren-kun. As your friend, I like you with all my heart, just the way you are."

"So you're telling me..." Ren sounded bewildered, "that you were told to pretend to flirt with me? And that's why you gave me that call?"

"Yeap," Natsuki answered with a slight smile.

"Let me guess. That order was given by either Bukky or Ran-chan."

"You think I'd give him that ridiculous order, you big blockhead?" Ranmaru yelled as Reiji was reduced into spluttering laughter again. "That was all Reiji, not me!"

"Yeap." Natsuki smiled brightly. "And everyone taught me how to pretend to flirt so that I could try and do this." His voice turned gentler. "I hope I did okay. Um..."

Natsuki lowered his eyes, his cheeks bright red with embarrassment.

"Did I... do okay?"

"Aww, Nattsun..." His grey eyes glimmering with a gentle smile, Reiji wrapped his arms around Natsuki and pulled him into a soft hug, ruffling his wavy blond hair. Even without saying a word, all the senpais knew that Natsuki was way out of his element when it came to this, even though they had taught him the basics and all. Natsuki clearly was _not_ doing great pretending to flirt despite trying his best to, but even so, he did push hard - they all could tell by how earnest he was in learning and trying - and clearly did not want to let them down. And with all honesty, he didn't, even if he did worse than he had, for he gave it his all and did not just breeze through it.

 _That ain't exactly bein' flirtatious_ , Ranmaru thought, his lips slanting into a lopsided grin as Ai smiled faintly and curled a hand around Natsuki's own. _But it can pass off as flirting in a few ways... ish. And that being said, if you dare make fun of him for this..._

He inwardly plotted a revenge plan to carry out if it came down to that scenario.

_You're dead, Ren._

"I have no clue as to what is occurring in that perverted, scheming mind of yours, Jinguji. However..."

Camus narrowed his eyes, his arms crossed.

"If you dare ridicule Shinomiya for this, even if merely for your definition of 'harmless fun', be prepared to live with the consequences."

"I'm with the sugar addict on this," Ranmaru agreed, scowling at the cellphone that had gone silent. "If you make fun of him for this, I swear-"

A howl of laughter suddenly cut him off mid-sentence, ringing throughout the atmosphere. The laughter continued, slightly louder than it originally was, and the five QUARTET NIGHT members could only glance around and stare in shock and confusion, neither of them sure what Ren was thinking. "Ren-kun?" Natsuki uttered softly, looking down at his yellow cellphone along with Reiji. It was only after a few more moments when Ren slowly caught his breath and exhaled, letting out a few more laughs in between, before finally speaking.

"Wow. The year is nearing its end and you guys are still surprising me like this."

He let out another soft exhale and when he spoke again, Ranmaru could hear the smile more vividly in the flirtatious saxophonist's voice.

"You taught Shinomi the foundation of flirting and managed to maintain his purity. You really had me there, Shinomi; I never thought you'd pull off flirting that well on your first try while keeping it innocent. But then again, you were never one to be corrupted that easily, even with people like Ran-chan and his colourful vocabulary." Ranmaru cursed at Ren and the infuriating kouhai laughed along with Reiji. "As much as you did not intend for it to be this, it's a pleasant Christmas present to receive from all of you." His tone had a teasing edge to it. "I'm flattered."

"Don't go flattening that big ego of yours, you sly Casanova!" Ranmaru yelled as Camus scoffed and Ai sighed heavily. 

Natsuki, however, sighed with relief and smiled warmly as Reiji grinned and pulled him into a half-hug.

"I'm glad you're happy, Ren-kun."

"Don't encourage him, Natsuki!"

"But do look forward to my sweet payback for this, guys," Ren said with a chuckle, his voice filled with mischief. "No, not you, Shinomi. I mean all the senpais, especially Ran-chan and Bukky. I'll be sure to enjoy paying you back for this dare _big time_."

"Feel free to try your hand in self-satisfying retaliation," Camus remarked, his lips curling into a cunning smirk as he cleaned the tip of his sceptre with a white handkerchief. "However, one may not be able to guarantee your safety once you initiate war with not just one, but five of us." His tone darkened. "Are you prepared to live with the aftermath, Jinguji?"

"Five?" Ren repeated, thoroughly amused. "Are you that confident that innocent Shinomi is going to side with you senpais on this, Baron?"

"Are you really that clueless of a guy to think that he'd side with _you_?" Ranmaru retorted with a wide smirk as Natsuki chuckled and Reiji grinned. "Don't forget whose side he was on when that call to flirt was made."

"You're so cruel, senpais," Ren remarked, a nonchalant grin in his playful voice. "Ganging up on your dear kouhai who wants nothing but the very best for his beloved people and even goes out his way to give them red roses time after time again. You do know that none of those roses were cheap, right?" Ranmaru snorted and Ai shook his head with an amused smile, and Ren laughed loudly. "But thank you for including me in your festivities, Shinomi, senpais; this was very much hilarious."

He paused for a moment before letting out another chuckle.

"Oh and Shinomi, if you ever want even more advanced lessons in flirting, you can come to me and we'll-"

"Nope!" Ranmaru lunged forward and snatched the phone from Natsuki before Ren could finish making that disastrous offer. He scowled as Reiji burst out laughing. "He ain't learnin' from you, you pervert!"

"Aww, but it isn't like you're innocent yourself, Ran-chan. After all, remember the time you-"

Ranmaru ended the call, cursing under his breath. _That slick little blockhead... Always finding one way or another to stir up nonsense..._ He tossed the yellow cellphone back to Natsuki, who caught it with a light chuckle, and scowled at a smug Camus, who oh-so-innocently asked what it was that Ren had been about to say. _But speaking of nonsense, as foolhardily crazy as this 'party' went down..._

Falling back against the backrest of his red sofa, Ranmaru sprawled on the space and let out a long exhale to catch his breath, his lips slanting into an outward grin.

_There ain't anywhere else I'd rather be._

It was moments like these that made them forget that it was even winter in the first place. Winter could be freezing, but with this lot, the coldness of the season melted and faded away into the bright, blazing fire born from their warmth. The red and orange sparks, flames and fireworks of the heart, what it meant to be warmed... All of it was burned and etched to the soul of this group like the searing of a treasured memory bound to always be remembered no matter how much snow fell from the sky and piled up on the ground. As Camus collected all five cards and began to shuffle them smoothly, Ai wrapped his arms around Natsuki from behind, laughing softly as the taller blond let out a soft gasp, and Reiji beamed and draped a Christmas hat on Natsuki's head. Camus smirked and suggested that everyone was to target Reiji this round as revenge for the previous flirting mayhem that he had initiated and while Natsuki laughed and Ai and Ranmaru agreed immediately, Reiji yelled out in protest.

"You placed Natsuki's innocence at risk, Reiji, and that cannot be let go of without a form of compensation."

"I wasn't even targeting Nattsun that round! And it's thanks to all of us that he's still our soft and pure Nattsun, so why am I being pinpointed again?"

"Maybe because you deserve it?"

"Ran-Ran!"

At the beginning of "Bright Road", Ranmaru had sung about slipping out of a useless party. But unlike just about every other party that he had attended, or rather, been forced to attend, this one was not useless. Not even close. This party was not one of those flashy or extravagant ones. Neither was it one with those ridiculously blinding chandeliers, splurges on musicians and wine, obnoxious sneers and condescending VIPs, or suffocating suits and ties. Neither was it a crowd that restricted them from completely letting loose and bearing their true selves like hearts on their sleeves. Here, the venue was none other than the apartment that they all shared, in the spacious and comfy living room with two sofas, a glass table, and blankets, pillows and cushions, the apartment that they all called "home", regardless if aloud or not. With a Christmas tree decorated with strings of blinking golden and white lights and baubles with numerous colours including all five of their theme colours standing in the corner and different-shaped presents sitting under it, the living room did not have music blaring from speakers, but was ringing with their combined voices, a harmony like none other, and was warm with sweaters, plush toys, blankets and the scent and vapour of Reiji's signature hot chocolate and the souffles baked by Natsuki, Camus and Ai.

And of course, there was the five-man group. The fedora-loving, loud and nonsense-stirring brunet with his big ideas that could easily lead to a maelstrom of disasters. The poker-faced and seemingly angelic teal-haired boy with a savage tongue coupled with the merciless stating of what they did not want to hear. The kind-hearted, obliviously-innocent blond with his bright smile that looked at the positive of every moment they got to spend together even when horror had slapped them all in the face. The two-faced, stubborn baron from the land of Permafrost that may or may not be near Santa's home for all Ranmaru cared whose every word could spark a loud argument any freaking day. And Ranmaru himself, who had long given up on considering himself the only normal, sane one when he was also a part of this crazy party.

_Yeah. This party is crazy in a league of its own. In a way, even crazier than old man Shining's parties._

_But I ain't complainin'._

As crazy as this lot was, Ranmaru, with all honesty, felt genuinely content being here, more so than he had anywhere else in his life, including in his former bands before QUARTET NIGHT. When Natsuki plopped down beside him, smiling gently, and gave him a tight hug, Ranmaru, for once, decided to not shout about it. Instead, he patted Natsuki's head with a light smile, teasingly telling the blond to enjoy it while he could, although Ranmaru ended up scowling at Reiji, Ai and Camus, who were all looking at them with knowing smiles - or smirk, in Camus' case.

_There's no other place, let alone party, I'd rather be._

Natsuki Shinomiya

_For: Sacchan_

Looking down at the little box in his hands, Natsuki smiled faintly, his heart welling up with emotion.

_I want you to have a very merry Christmas too. You deserve it so much..._

It was the snowy night of Christmas Eve. Upon Reiji's happy suggestion, everyone had agreed to have a slumber party in the living room instead of retreating to their own bedrooms tonight. While Ranmaru remained on his red sofa and Camus took over the brown sofa, Ai, Reiji and Natsuki had gotten sleeping bags that were positioned beside one another and shared a thick fluffy quilt for even more warmth amidst the cuddles. However, Natsuki ended up waking up in the middle of the night and as his mind slowly cleared, thoughts of the people that could not be with him and his dear senpais in person for Christmas Eve flooded through his head and immersed him like lukewarm water. So here he was alone, crouching by the Christmas tree that the five of them had decorated together, holding delicately the present that he had gotten especially for the alter ego whom he had grown to love so, so much, whom he had not been able to talk to for what felt like ages, ages that made his heart ache.

_Mum and dad are at home in Hokkaido together with our bunny Chikuwabu, the horsies and all our animal buddies, Eli-kun and Yuu-kun have their families and each other, Ren-kun, Cecil-kun and Otoya-kun have one another and the rest of STARISH, all the plushies in the bedroom have one another to cuddle with in this beautiful snowy night... But what about you... Sacchan...?_

The snowflakes were descending down the starry night in a flurry of crystalline white against midnight-blue, just like shooting stars cascading down in a glistening downpour, as the silver ribbon that was tied around the yellow box glimmered in the moonlight spilling from the glass window.

_Are you all alone... inside of me...?_

Lowering his eyes, Natsuki felt his heart quiver at the thoughts of cold loneliness as tears threatened to fall like the snow was on the other side of the glass.

_I know that I shouldn't be crying... when Christmas's coming... and that you've always been okay just like this, that you'll only be sad if I'm sad... but... you don't deserve to be lonely, Sacchan... You shouldn't be spending time alone when Christmas is all about giving and spending time with the people you love... I want to give you warm, warm hugs and talk and smile with you in person, to hear you again..._

His fingers trembled slightly on the surface of the present.

_You deserve... to be warm too..._

"You are awake, Shinomiya."

Letting out a quiet gasp of surprise, Natsuki was pulled out of his thoughts by a calm, half-muttering voice. He slowly turned and saw Camus standing just a few steps right behind him, his ice-blue eyes clear and alert despite waking up probably just moments ago. "Myu-chan-senpai," Natsuki said softly, carefully pulling himself up to his feet. Camus' eyes narrowed slightly, much to Natsuki's confusion, and the Permafrost baron approached him, his footsteps completely silent, and stopped when they were directly across from each other.

"What are you doing up at this late hour?" Camus questioned softly.

"I didn't mean to wake up," Natsuki answered, smiling faintly. "I happened to wake up and then... some thoughts came to my mind and that's why you found me like this." He paused, suddenly feeling guilty. "Did I... wake you up, Myu-chan-senpai?"

"No," Camus replied, shaking his head. "Our cases are identical, with the exception of the sudden thoughts in your case. If I recall correctly, before we called it a night, you were in one of your best moods, with happiness sincerely written all over every single thing you did. However, looking at you now, it appears that something has upset you. And from my brief observation, the source has a relation to that present in your hands."

He frowned, his eyes sheened with underlying concern.

"It is not a matter of anxiety about tomorrow or anything of that sort, is it, Shinomiya?"

"No," Natsuki uttered quietly, shaking his head. "That's not it, Myu-chan-senpai. It is related to Christmas, but it's not anxiety. It's just that I thought of everyone that couldn't be here celebrating with us and how they at least had other people to be with in person... except for one of them.... Sacchan."

Understanding glimmered vaguely in Camus' stoic eyes. "Your alter ego."

"Yep," Natsuki said, giving Camus a slight nod. He held up the box in his hands a little, looking down. "I got him this present. Sacchan's been with me, protected me, for so many years without me even knowing he was there and... he never got a single present for Christmas or got to celebrate with anyone..." His fingers tightened a little around the wrapped gift as his lips curved into a sad smile. "I don't really know much about how the double personality thing works now that it's become kinda more complicated and I know that Sacchan's been okay spending time alone inside of me all this time, but... it's a really sad thing to do... to spend Christmas alone without being able to talk to the ones you love and care about, right...?"

He remembered how he had whispered, _Please don't peek, Sacchan_ , when wrapping his present for the alter ego, knowing that the alter ego was always watching him, looking out for him with a warm, kind soul. But if he was always watching... didn't it hurt to see everyone laughing and smiling together while he had no one, even though he had always been okay on his own?

"I wish... he could have a warm Christmas too, with us, all of us..."

He pressed the box carefully against his chest and hugged it gently, almost as though hugging it was giving Satsuki a hug too. Satsuki would have shouted and yelled a lot during their games. He would have bickered so much with Ranmaru and Camus while secretly enjoying it no matter how much they denied it, come up with fun and crazy orders as the king, teased and subtly joked around, and truly, truly smiled too. He would have loved the hotpot, the hot chocolate, the souffles, everything. After all, he had a heart too. A big, wonderful heart...

A warm, selfless heart... that burned even fiercer than Orion...

"You are a fool, Shinomiya."

"E...Ehh...?"

Whispering in pure surprise and confusion, Natsuki raised his head to look at Camus, who let out an audible sigh, his arms crossed, his ice-blue eyes looking directly into his own.

"You believe that Satsuki is not having a warm Christmas merely because he is on his own within you," Camus stated, his tone stern but understanding. "However, I have to tell you that that is an extremely inaccurate stance in this matter, Shinomiya, for as your alter ego, he has been observing you every single moment, including this one. Meaning that he heard your desire for him to be as happy as you are, am I correct?"

Natsuki blinked in utter astonishment as Camus' ice-blue eyes softened.

"To be loved unconditionally is what the season of giving is all about, right, Shinomiya? So as far as I am concerned, you have given Satsuki the warmest Christmas, and subsequently, present, that you could have given him, even if he cannot physically be here at the same time as you are as we speak. He is not physically with you, but he is here with you, and I am certain that it is more than enough for him."

He felt warm tears well up in his eyes as he quietly stared at Camus. "Myu-chan-senpai..." His lips eased into a gentle smile and his heart was shrouded in warmth that he was sure Satsuki could feel too. If Satsuki was warm... then Natsuki was happy. "Thank you. I'm really sure Sacchan's happy to hear you say all that too. So on behalf of him too... thank you." Camus nodded briefly and Natsuki crouched down to place the gift back where it had been under the Christmas tree. Then he pulled himself back up and gently wrapped his own arms around himself, smiling as he did.

"What are you doing, Shinomiya?" Camus sounded puzzled.

"Giving Sacchan a hug," Natsuki answered, smiling softly. "If I can feel it, he should too, and I hope it warms him."

Camus let out a small chuckle and Natsuki faced him again.

"When Sacchan comes again... can you give him a hug, please, Myu-chan-senpai?"

"I doubt I can without him assaulting me first," Camus answered with a scoff, and Natsuki laughed quietly.

"He won't. I think he has grown to love you too, Myu-chan-senpai."

"Your way of thinking is still too sanguine, Shinomiya."

"Maru-chan-senpai tells me that a lot too."

"Do not put my name next to that dandelion head's."

Natsuki chuckled and was about to speak again when Camus spoke first.

"Shinomiya."

"Yes, Myu-chan-senpai?"

Camus' eyes bore directly into his, much more grim than earlier, just like the tone of his voice when he spoke again.

"Do you trust me?"

Natsuki's eyes widened slightly, but soon he nodded with a sincere smile. "I do, Myu-chan-senpai. I trust you completely."

Camus nodded, seemingly satisfied by the answer. "Then leave matters to me, Shinomiya."

"E-Ehh...?"

His lips quirked into a mysterious smile as Natsuki stared at him in confusion. "Go to sleep, Shinomiya. You will understand in due time, I assure you this."

Natsuki stared at Camus for a few more seconds, not at all understanding what Camus was planning to do, but he decided to let it be as he trusted Camus, and agreed to go back to sleep. Thanking the senpai one last time with a gentle smile, Natsuki silently made his way back to his sleeping bag and slipped into it with his bunny plushie under the quilt he shared with Reiji and Ai. He whispered goodnight to Camus, who remained standing near the Christmas tree, and closed his eyes, gently sinking into the dreams under the warm winter night like he was floating down into water like snowflakes.

_Goodnight to you too... Sacchan..._

...

"Merry Christmas, Nattsun!"

"Merry Christmas, Rei-chan-senpai," Natsuki said with a warm laugh, returning the tight hug that Reiji had tackled him into. He looked around and saw Ai, Ranmaru and Camus all awake as well, sitting on the sofas. "Merry Christmas, Ai-chan, Maru-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai."

"Merry Christmas, Natsuki," Ai said with a gentle smile as Camus nodded.

"Merry Christmas, kiddo," Ranmaru said with a grin, ruffling his wavy blond hair. His grin soon widened. "If you're wonderin' how is it you're the last to wake up, Camus over there told us that you were awoken late last night, so we decided to let ya sleep some more before lettin' Reiji pounce on ya."

Natsuki's eyes widened as Camus smiled. "But Myu-chan-senpai, you woke up last night too! And you were awake longer than I was."

Camus' smile somehow turned even more enigmatic. "That is debatable, Shinomiya."

"W-What do you mean?" Natsuki was genuinely confused, clearly remembering that Camus was still standing up when he was in his sleeping bag last night.

"Take a look under the Christmas tree, Nattsun," Reiji chirped with a happy smile, helping Natsuki get out of the sleeping bag and up onto his feet. His eyes were glowing as he squeezed Natsuki's hand tightly. "You'll know when you see it."

Ranmaru grinned and Ai nodded, and Natsuki smiled faintly as Reiji pulled him towards the Christmas tree. Natsuki looked down, his eyes searching for what Reiji was referring to even though he was clueless as to what it could be. That was when his eyes landed on a particular yellow box with a silver ribbon, the present that he had gotten for Satsuki.

There was a folded piece of paper sitting neatly on top of the gift.

_To: Natsuki_

The words were written in neat black letters and the handwriting was not Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru or Camus'. Wrapping an arm around him, Reiji encouraged Natsuki to unfold the paper as the other three senpais approached them, and he carefully did, confused yet curious. That was when his heart nearly stopped, his eyes widening in pure shock and disbelief.

_H... How..._

"I told you to leave matters to me, did I not, Shinomiya?"

A hand clamped down on his shoulder and he slowly turned to Camus, warmth overflowing in his heart with each passing moment, threatening to make tears fall down his face. His eyes gentle, Camus gave him a genuine smile, squeezed his shoulder once, and said,

"Merry Christmas, Shinomiya."

Camus

_A season of white, an occasion of wishes. Dreams, desires, demands, regardless if written, uttered, or left unsaid in the heart and soul. Left to different people to fulfil, whether it is their own self or others. I_ _n this occasion, however, it is somehow a tradition to leave that wish in the hands of a non-existent individual._

_... the man known as "Santa Claus."_

Without a flicker of doubt, Camus had always found the concept of Santa Claus giving free presents to children preposterous.

Even in childhood, he was never appealed or interested by the tale of how a bearded man with an excessively large sack and hearty laugh who was dressed in red travelled across the world throughout one holy night a year to deliver gifts to children who had behaved properly throughout that particular year. Not that he had the time to dwell on such obvious lies as a child destined to serve the Queen of Silk Palace as a loyal knight. If such a figure existed, would the world be far more absurdly simpler than it was in reality? Would life not be much easier than it was? The belief in the fictitious Santa Claus was granted as much false hope as every other childhood Christmas tale that Natsuki had shared with them while flipping through his storybooks. 

_Believing that Santa Claus will deliver a gift to you is precisely the same as thinking that a stranger that does not exist has the power to grant your wish, regardless how absurd it is. There are a handful of wishes that one must take into their own hands in order to realize. Dreams, desires, demands, regardless whether trivial or significant, whether idealistic or flawed... In this cold society called "earth", you may only rely on yourself to achieve what you desire. No one else, especially a person who does not even exist._

_However..._

Camus closed his eyes, his heart settled in a state of calm.

_There are also wishes... that you have the power to grant for others._

"Oi! What are you- Mmph!"

"Silence, you bass-loving fool."

Camus' voice was quiet but warning as he narrowed his eyes and met Ranmaru's irritated scowl.

"I would not be waking you up in the middle of the night if this was merely trivial. So I trust that you will cooperate silently, understand?"

Camus had waited for a couple of minutes for Natsuki to fall back asleep before initiating his plan. He had started by awaking Ai, who was the least bothersome to awaken out of the three other QUARTET NIGHT members. He then proceeded with Reiji, who had yelped out in shock, and finally, Ranmaru, whom Camus decided to awaken by unceremoniously snatching his quilt from. Ranmaru yanked Camus' hand from his mouth, still glaring at him, but sat up on his sofa and hissed, "This had better be worth the lack of sleep, you prick." He ignored the threat and shifted his stare over to Reiji and Ai, who were facing him as well, both of them wearing curious and puzzled expressions as they stood behind him.

Reiji was the first to speak.

"Should we wake Nattsun up? If it's important, then-"

"Shinomiya is the one person that we should not awaken now," Camus cut in, shaking his head as Ranmaru stood up and tossed the quilt onto the sofa. "At least, not yet. Not until I explain the purpose of this meeting."

Ranmaru, Reiji and Ai all looked at him expectantly, and Camus folded his arms.

"Shinomiya was awake earlier, and I would like your assistance in granting his Christmas wish."

They stared at him in surprise and were each about to comment when Camus stopped them and began to explain the situation, which included divulging the conversation that he had shared with Natsuki. Natsuki's wish was for Satsuki to have a "warm Christmas" and it included the alter ego being with others and able to communicate with those he loved and cared about. As much as the alter ego had, to some extent, warmed up to the senpais, Camus was not about to risk handling him on his own. Not to mention, more of them participating in this was equivalent to this being merrier in Natsuki's perspective, correct? Precisely as expected, the three of them agreed immediately, with soft smiles on their faces, even Ranmaru's. And so they all approached Natsuki, who was soundly asleep with a serene smile whilst hugging his rabbit plushie, and with nods of confirmation from everyone, Camus crouched down and carefully removed the black-framed glasses perched on the gentle blond's nose.

"We know you are present, Satsuki."

Slowly, eyes were opened, revealing an expression harder than one that Natsuki would have, confirming the alter ego's identity. "Sure am." Narrowing his eyes, Satsuki pulled himself up into sitting position before getting up onto his feet and directly meeting Camus' stare. "Didn't think you, of all people, would actually take the initiative to grant Natsuki's wish, but looks like you excel in proving me otherwise."

As hard as the alter ego's features naturally were, they softened under the dim lighting as he spoke with a voice that was quieter than usual.

"Give me a paper and a pen."

With a bright smile spreading across his face, Reiji ran to his bedroom to get the stationery and returned less than ten seconds later. Satsuki wrote in silence, lightly threatening them to not peek, which made a curious Reiji whine a little, and none of them attempted to even as they observed their close friend's alter ego sitting at the glass table with the pen gliding across the white paper. Halfway throughout the writing, however, Satsuki began to talk about what he had observed within Natsuki, including the moment that the latter officially became a QUARTET NIGHT member.

"Honestly, even if you hadn't gotten him anythin' for Christmas, he'd still be all smiles, both on his face and in his heart."

The faintest of smiles appeared on Satsuki's face, even as his eyes remained on his writing.

"All he wanted was to be home. And as his guardian, I can tell you that he is. Say, do any of you plan on waking him up with a hug on Christmas morning?"

"I will!" Reiji answered, beaming as Ranmaru pointed at him. Ai sighed with a smile as Camus shook his head in amusement. "I'll be sure to give our precious Nattsun a big bear hug first thing in the morning, Satsuki-chan!"

"Hmm, alright. But if he ends up having a panic attack 'cause of you, I'll be sure to kill you."

Reiji looked horrified as Ranmaru snorted and Camus smirked. "W-Wha-"

"I was watching when you gave him the order to flirt, you crazy dimwit. If he had been tainted, I would have hunted you down by now." His tone was low as his eyes glinted. "As much as I'm Natsuki's alter ego, I ain't nearly as kind as he is."

"You're not alone on that, Satsuki."

"Allow us to partake in that activity as well."

"Don't scare me, you guys!"

"Being afraid in this particular scenario is 100% logical." Ai smiled faintly as Satsuki smirked darkly. "After all, the only person who would defend you is currently not present."

"Wahh! Nattsun!" Reiji wailed.

Satsuki also told them to never allow Natsuki to take flirting lessons from Ren and offered assistance in killing the playboy if required, and Ranmaru and Camus gladly took him up on the offer whilst ignoring Reiji's alarmed protests. After he was finished with his writing, which revealed to be a letter to Natsuki the following morning, Satsuki opened the present from the innocent boy and discovered that it was a snow globe with twin angels. The words "Gemini Snow Angels" were carved at the bottom of the delicate glass in pale azure cursive writing, and inside the transparent, pristine dome were a minuscule Christmas tree with a golden star and red, white and yellow lights and two near identical snow angels sitting in front of it on the soft white snow as glittering snowflakes showered down like petals. One snow angel was hugging the other one while the other was ruffling his companion's hair, both of them smiling gently, and sitting beside them were two musical instruments: a viola and a violin. Both instruments significant in dissimilar ways. 

"It's custom-made."

Satsuki stated, his voice nearly inaudible. He held the gift delicately as a sincere smile was curved on his lips, his fingers gently caressing the glass.

"It reminds me all over again how grateful I am that of all the people I could have become a guardian for, it's him."

He closed his eyes, his expression surprisingly serene.

"And that he's finally found the right people to be with. You were right, Camus, when you told him that he had given me the warmest Christmas possible. 'Cause he did, and even more."

Camus could not conceal his surprise at the alter ego's quiet and gentle words. Neither could Reiji, Ai nor Ranmaru, who were blatantly staring at the normally-harsh Satsuki. However, with a sigh, Satsuki did not call any of them out for their poorly-concealed shock as he grabbed the pen and wrote on the paper again. He then skimmed through the writing, nodded to himself, and neatly folded it before placing the snow dome back into the box and back into its original position under the Christmas tree along with the paper. Camus was expecting Satsuki to go back into the sleeping bag and fall asleep when the latter suddenly spread his arms and looked directly at him with a solemn expression.

Camus frowned in puzzlement. "What are you doing?"

"Natsuki's request."

"... I beg your pardon?"

Satsuki scoffed, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"He asked you to give me a hug when you saw me, right?"

Reiji and Ranmaru burst out laughing and Camus gave them both an icy glare as Ai smiled in amusement. "Silence, you peasants! There is no laughing matter!" Satsuki was giving the two laughing hyenas a deep scowl of his own and coldly threatened to punch them both in the mouths if they did not shut up. However, amidst his silent humiliation in the hands of two asinine oafs, Camus supposed that he was better off getting it done as soon as humanely possible, so without warning, he stormed over to Satsuki, grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into a tight hug.

"What the-" Satsuki muttered in utter shock.

"For Shinomiya," Camus stated harshly, blood rushing through his face. 

He pulled away before Satsuki could say anything else, and that was when a thought arrived in his head. "While we are in this fine moment..." He turned to a laughing Reiji, who was the nearest to him, and pulled him closer. Reiji's eyes dilated in shock as Camus inwardly smirked. "How about _all_ of you give our guest a hug? Surely my hug is not sufficient to wholly warm his and Natsuki's Christmas."

"Don't drag me into this, you callous count!" Ranmaru shouted after a moment of utter horror as Ai tilted his head to one side in curiosity. "The request was just for you, not me!"

"Oh? But Shinomiya would highly appreciate it if you were to partake in this as well."

"Why you freaking- Ahh!"

Ranmaru shrieked in sheer terror and shock as Satsuki crushed him into a hug, his heterochromatic eyes nearly bulging.

"Get off me, Satsuki!"

After releasing a loud Ranmaru with an irritated "Tch", Satsuki allowed himself to be bear-hugged by a beaming Reiji and given a smaller hug by a more-reserved Ai. "I hope this warms both you and Natsuki on the inside." Satsuki then gave them all a curt nod, stating that he could never survive spending a day with them without them driving him insane, before getting into the sleeping bag and placing the blanket over himself, noticeably not hugging the plush toy like Natsuki had. The moment before he closed his eyes, however, he looked directly at the four of them and his expression relaxed into an earnest smile that was almost gentle, and even though Camus would not admit it for any of them to hear, it had taken him by utmost surprise.

"Thank you. For all that you have done. For Natsuki and for me."

His voice was softer than they had ever heard it being, and a chuckle escaped his throat.

"I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a beautiful winter."

_"A beautiful winter"..._

The words of the alter ego that used to be so cold and violent towards them echoed like the ripple of a warm petal in a cold river as Camus sat on a thick log by the lake in the forest with a teacup on a saucer and a thermos filled with red velvet milk tea brewed by Natsuki sitting on the tree stump in front of him. While Ai circled around the lake, Reiji, Natsuki and Ranmaru were slipping across the ice as they engaged one another in a heated snowball fight that Reiji, unsurprisingly, had started. Enjoying himself without the necessity to involve himself in the pandemonium before his eyes, Camus thought back to how Natsuki had taken his hands into his own and squeezed them tightly with tears brimming in his green eyes after Camus and the other senpais revealed what they had done after he had fallen asleep, and contemplated the sincere warmth of it all, of the occasion that had had no significance to him as an adolescent. 

_The occasion of "giving", the "joy" of doing so..._ he mulled over in the chambers of his own head as memories of the cold Christmases before this one flashed in his head with emotions as hollow as they were non-existent, darker than fiction itself. _Even as outwardly astounding the winters in Permafrost are with its gentle snow and scenery, they were devoid of warmth. The warmth that I did not believe I wanted or required. Beauty without a trace of warmth... Was it even appropriate to consider such a thing "beautiful"?_

He let out a chuckle that was intermixed with near contradicting emotions.

_That... is quite the dilemma of irony._

Suddenly, he felt snow collide with the left side of his cheek, rudely snapping him out of his reverie, and his face morphed into a scowl.

_The atrocity of-_

"It would be unfair to exclude any single person from the festivities."

Camus looked up at Ai, who was standing a few metres away from him. The smile on the teal-haired boy's face was half-mischievous.

"I am 100% certain that the tea will be most effective after a tiring activity."

"Come on, Count Cool!" Ranmaru taunted with a smirk as he, Reiji and Natsuki sprinted towards Camus and Ai. His smirk broadened. "Don't tell me you're chickening out of a snowball fight when the cold's your element!"

Camus gave Ranmaru a dark smile. "Is that a challenge, Kurosaki?"

"What if it is?" Ranmaru grinned.

"Is this every man for himself?"

"Nope!" Reiji answered with a bright grin, wrapping an arm around Natsuki. "We're gonna play rock-paper-scissors to determine who's with who! Who knows that you two may end up in the same team instead?"

"If that is the result, we are retrying," Ranmaru said, shaking his head. "I wanna have the honour of fighting against this ice baron, so unless you want me hurling snowballs at my own teammate, he and I ain't gonna be on the same team."

"Agreed." Camus nodded with a sly smirk.

"This is going to be really, really fun!" Natsuki chirped with a happy smile.

"And intense, alright!" Reiji exclaimed with a determined look blazing in his eyes. "Let's do this, fellas!"

Thankfully, one match of rock-paper-scissors was enough to determine the teams. One team consisted of Ranmaru, Reiji and Natsuki while the other had Camus and Ai. Exchanging smirks with Ranmaru one last time, Camus readied himself as Reiji held his hand up and chanted the countdown from his team's corner of the frozen lake.

_The deepest wish in the coldest of seasons is the wish to be warmed._

Deciding to not bother himself with the fact that he was partaking in an activity that toddlers would gladly participate in, Camus turned to his sole teammate, Ai, and smiled slightly as he prepared to begin a war of snow under the winter sky, sealed in the memory of the one and only Christmas that had ever truly mattered to him.

_It means that we are all fortunate, are we not?_

As frozen as the surface beneath them all was, their hearts were not, and they were about to be warmed even more as laughs were about to resound with the hurling of snow and the illumination of lightheartedness and joy. More than anything, everything that they had and were sharing... was what it meant to give, the very essence of this occasion.

_For we fulfilled one another's wishes._

Ai glanced at him and returned the smile with a gentle one of his own, almost as though he could read Camus' thoughts, and Camus laughed deeply and fired a snowball directly at Ranmaru's face the moment Reiji declared the start of the battle. Camus hid an earnest smile as he smirked at a recovering Ranmaru and narrowly dodged a hit from both Reiji and Natsuki, who laughed freely.

_For this... is what it means to have a beautiful winter._

Ai Mikaze

The "Ai Mikaze" who had sung "Winter Blossom" on a dimly-lit lavender stage for the first time did not understand the sincere depth of that song and its depth involving the coldest of the four seasons.

_"... the snow..."_

_"... a silent white"_

_"... it flutters down into my palm and disappears!"_

He did not fathom how the lyrics and their melody translated to tender emotions. He had no clue as to why the audience and every listener shed tears and let out weeps and sobs at the sound of this song, as to how a song revolving around winter granted warmth to people whose chests held beating hearts. He had sung the song as instructed, reaching every high note and following the composition just as it was, having the capabilities to do so with his natural vocal range and stamina. He understood the theoretical aspects of the song, but not the spontaneous, emotional reactions to it, including and especially his own.

Something had throbbed in his supposedly-empty chest.

Something warm and flowing. Something warm yet painful.

Filled with a wish that only grew to sadden him, if that was even possible. The wish to understand. The wish to feel. The wish to be at least a little more than an android without a physical, beating heart in an artificial chest.

Longing.

Gentle yet relentlessly cold longing.

Yet now in the present, years after that first performance of a song that he had held onto regardless of circumstances...

_"Following your heartbeats, somehow my heart hurts just a little"_

... the song had transformed into warmth... pure, earnest warmth, and continued to do so without ever wavering as he followed the heartbeats of the people whom he had learned the meaning of the words "I love you" from.

He was now with Natsuki, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus, spending Christmas afternoon in the flower meadows that he deeply loved and had become one of his favourite places to frequent. Even in winter, the flowers did not cease to exist and paint the area in vibrant colours, with their petals soaring up in the bright azure sky like a thousand confetti floating gracefully against gravity. They were either sitting or laying down under picnic blankets on verdant grass and a plethora of various flowers including lavenders, peonies and daffodils, with colours such as a brilliant lilac, vivid violet, illumining yellow and crystal blue. Ranmaru and Camus, along with his pet dog Alexander, had individual blankets, scarlet and ice-blue, respectively, while draped over Reiji, Natsuki and Ai's lower bodies was a large yellow-green-and-lavender-checked blanket. In front of the five of them was a pink picnic blanket on which a tea set with red velvet milk tea and cookies sat neatly. As idols, they needed to maintain near invisibility in public, but they did not have to concern themselves over that here in this secluded area, with none of them particularly wanting to be surrounded by noise and other people at the moment.

_It appears that my earlier assumption was inaccurate._

As Ai hugged his knees under the blanket and gazed up at the radiant sky adorned by a cyclone of petals and leaves, he felt someone nudge him on the shoulder gently. Blinking once, he turned and saw Natsuki smiling softly at him as he held out a cup filled with hot milk tea to him. "Drink it when it's still hot, Ai-chan." Ai smiled faintly and nodded while taking the cup from Natsuki and warmed his hands against the surface. Natsuki pulled Ai closer with a tender arm as Reiji faced both of them and smiled gently, the latter ruffling the blond's fluffy hair.

_This group, consisting of all five of us, is actually capable of having a serene Christmas._

Ranmaru jokingly remarked that for introducing everyone to these meadows, he was going to call Natsuki "flower boy" from now on, a mischievous grin slanting across his face. Reiji and Ai laughed as Natsuki chuckled while protesting, Alexander barked happily, and Camus teasingly commented that the nickname suited him well. There was laughter and yelling as the seconds trickled by, but it did not escalate into the chaos that they ended up unravelling more often than not.

_Even if the serenity lasts only for a few moments._

Fluttering. A rather delicate and gentle word with a few definitions. "Moving with a light irregular or trembling motion" and "(of a pulse or heartbeat) beating feebly or irregularly" were two of the three definitions available in the Oxford dictionary online. "Fluttering" was precisely what the petals and leaves in the winter sky were doing. What the flowers surrounding everyone were doing with their colours that almost appeared to glisten in the afternoon light. What the emotions in his heart that previously did not fathom and chose to disregard what it meant to celebrate warm occasions including Christmas were doing as they glowed in an invisible, unconventional heart that he was more than grateful to be able to acknowledge.

_If my heart grew wings, they would be fluttering now too._

Ai allowed himself to fall deeper into the warmth of his dear friends' presence as he laid his head on Natsuki's left shoulder, a gentle smile curving on his lips.

_Gently and delicately... just like the snow described in my song... except that those wings would not ever disappear... for it tells the story of a flower that blossomed even in winter because it has been granted warmth, the earnest wish that it now admits it has had and held onto, and its petals are colouring the cold sky softly yet brightly..._

As Reiji took out playing cards from his jacket pocket and Camus stroked the fur of his pet dog, who barked contentedly, Ai thought of the moments that the five of them would get to spend like this in the future, whether in serenity or in chaos, whether in spring, summer, autumn or winter, and knowing that those moments would come brought a smile blooming in his heart.

_Just like... the emotions that your heartbeats allowed to resound within me._

_"It blossomed within the space between isolation and emptiness,_

_A single flower of warmth_

_I've lived without knowing winter's end_

_The spring sky thawing my heart"_

\- "Aurora", by Camus (Tomoaki Maeno)


	43. Tides of Time

Reiji Kotobuki

_The sound of the sea._

_The gentleness of the waves sweeping into your ear as you hold a seashell close to it, your eyes sometimes falling to a still close as your ears listen carefully, a tide of quiet serenity enveloping you which you welcome without any protest. They say that the sound you hear is the sound of the ocean, that the somehow-soothing roar and rush you hear surging through your ears are the ocean's. But as magical as it may sound... that is not exactly true. Even though it sounded like quite the world wonder._

_... even though... that would have been beautiful._

_That rush you hear is not the sea, but the noise of your surroundings reverberating within the shell's cavity, like the trembling of leaves and wings, faltering of flowers, and if you are at the beach or seaside, the sea itself. It's a phenomena called "seashell resonance", which does sound rather precious even if the truth is not actually a magical one. Amidst it all, the sounds you hear also include your blood flowing within your body, your muscles doing what they have to do, and others._

_Did those sounds include the human heartbeat?_

_The wavering of a heart that has been broken, the leaps and bounds of a heart glowing brightly, the expanding and contracting of a heart hoping to remain calm and conceal its suffering._

_Can you hear your heartbeat amidst the sounds of the sea?_

Reiji's eyes remained gently shut as his arms hugged his plushie to his chest, behind which a heart was pulsing melodiously and yet laced with sadness.

_Can we... Aine?_

Another year had ended. Another year had gone by, disappeared, and ended. Another year of laughter, cries and smiles. Another year of fireworks, rainstorms and dancing leaves, petals and snow. This time, with even more genuine smiles, less false laughter and true lies, more warm tears and sincerity, with his heart taken in and embraced by the people who loved and cared about him unconditionally even after he had told him the truth about his past. This year, this warm year that was by far the best year he ever had for a long, long time now, had ended, just like every other year before it.

But... it also meant that another year had gone by without Aine.

Another year without his first best friend opening his eyes and smiling, without truly living.

Another year without someone... who had always been dear to him.

It was the first week of the new year. Everyone had resumed idol work early as the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project was still ongoing and there was a flurry of interviews, photo shoots and projects to handle now that QUARTET NIGHT had officially revealed that they were a five-man band instead of a quartet with Natsuki being their newest and final member. But for now, it was nighttime, and everyone had retreated to their respective bedrooms after watching the television and chatting over tea in the living room together, all most likely already fast asleep.

Except for Reiji.

Laying sideways on the king-sized bed, Reiji quietly shifted his gaze over to Natsuki, who was sleeping peacefully on his left, a gentle smile gracing his innocent expression, arms wrapped gently around the personalised fawn plushie that the four senpais had gotten him for Christmas. Even amidst his own sorrow, Reiji could not help the sincere smile curving on his lips as warmth coursed through his heart in the silence of the night. The first night of the new year, he had been woken up by an anguished Natsuki from a cold nightmare of Aine. In that nightmare, Aine had died in his coma, just after a few more years of his heart beating without his eyes opening or smiling. Reiji had cried out to him helplessly in that dream, desperately hoping that it was not happening, that there was still a chance that Aine would remain alive, but the teal-haired male only faded more and more without even the slightest twitch of his hands or lips.

And he had broken down more and more until he heard Natsuki cry out to him, shattering the dreamscape like it were completely made of glass. His eyes had flown open with hot tears flooding through them and stared up at Natsuki, who was close to tears too. Natsuki, who, without hesitation, pulled him into a warm, tight hug and whispered earnest, consoling words into his ear and promised that he was right here. Natsuki, who had been right beside him every following night including this one, making sure Reiji was able to fall asleep before he went to bed himself despite Reiji's protests that Natsuki needed rest as much as he did. During the times Natsuki had woken him up from a broken nightmare, the blond was more than willing to brew tea or milk tea or fix hot chocolate for the two of them, taking Reiji by the hand with a warm smile and pulling him to the kitchen with him. 

This time, Reiji had woken up in the middle of the night due to relentless thoughts overshadowing his mind, but Natsuki seemed to be too deep in his sleep to notice Reiji's movements. Natsuki had previously assured him that he could always wake Natsuki up if he needed him, but Reiji felt extremely guilty towards doing so - Natsuki was a kind, loving sweetheart, but Reiji really did not want him to suffer because of it. So taking in a gentle breath and letting it out, Reiji merely smiled at the sleeping boy and stroked his wavy blond hair gently, threading his fingers through the soft curls lightly. Just having his best friend with him was able to calm his tortured heart at least a little bit, and that was enough for him.

_To have someone dear to me... it's incredibly warm, warmer than anything, and yet at times... it's so terrifying too._ _Painful and terrifying..._

His fingers stopped moving as his heart quivered like the shreds of time against the maelstrom of reality, emotions engulfing his heart like waves.

_I... I really don't ever want to lose you..._

"... e... ehh...?"

A soft hand laid itself on top of his on Natsuki's blond hair and his eyes slowly widened. He blinked out of his thoughts and found Natsuki quietly opening his eyes, his expression innocuous and dazed, a soft yawn slipping from his lips. "Nattsun...?" _Did I... wake you up?_ Natsuki tilted his head up lightly and met his eyes with a gentle smile, and Reiji felt warmed yet guilty towards the sight as the younger blond squeezed his hand softly.

"Are you okay, Rei-chan-senpai?" Natsuki whispered, concern glimmering in his eyes. "Did you have another nightmare?"

"Not really," Reiji answered, shaking his head slightly as he tousled his best friend's hair. "I mean, some thoughts came in and woke me up, but it wasn't a nightmare per se." He smiled lightly. "It isn't something to worry about, don't worry, Nattsun."

Natsuki nodded in understanding, but the worry did not leave his eyes. "Do you want me to fix you a hot drink?"

Reiji chuckled. "Thank you, but not tonight, Nattsun."

He hummed in return. "Would you like to borrow a plushie or more?"

"You're the only person I know who would be offering that," Reiji remarked, and they laughed together. "But no, thank you. Having you and the star plushie is more than enough for me."

"Then..." Natsuki's voice trailed off before his eyes softened into a smile, "... can I hug you...?"

Reiji's lips curved into an earnest smile, warmth tugging gently at his heart.

"Of course. I'd love that."

Natsuki's eyes grew warmer and he spread his arms welcomingly, asking for Reiji to come closer. Letting out a few chuckles, Reiji did not hesitate to do so and Natsuki pulled him into his arms, allowing one hand to rest on his back and the other to thread lightly through his brown hair, their plushies squeezed between them. Emotions cocooned his heart tenderly like a blanket of starlight as Reiji held Natsuki back in his arms, silently thanking him as the warmth that they shared slowly dissolved the cold fear and anguish that had haunted him, his eyes falling into a gentle close with each trace of warmth dribbling through the night.

_I won't lose you._

Memories from a couple of hours ago, of the five of them spending time in the living room together, swept through his mind and heart like the waves that he was terrified of seeing in real life knowing he would crumble at the sight of them, but he was not terrified of those memories. How could he? How could he be terrified of Natsuki's pure smile and random but warm hugs, Ai's honest, blunt comments and involuntary cute expressions, Ranmaru's loud complaints and passionate playing of the bass and Camus' narrowed eyes and dual personas? He was terrified of the thoughts of losing them, but he was not terrified of _them_. So even though the words "I won't lose you" used to be a distant, broken wish in all of him that hid and lied in his own shadows... now they pulsated powerfully even in his cold dreams, with sincerity, with life.

_I'll always be holding onto you... as tightly as I can, with all the brokenness and emotion inside this heart and soul..._

Sleep slowly dissolved him into its immense fog and he felt Natsuki wrap his arms a little tighter around him, the blond whispering goodnight, and Reiji leaned a little further into him as the night faded away like a white melody into the glow of the night sky.

_Because it'd be too painful to let go, let alone lose you, all of you..._

Ai Mikaze

_"This name of mine is a little poor,_

_So, if you put 'A' and 'I' together... what do you get?"_

His eyes were downcast, staring down at the lilac ribbon loosely entwined around the collar of his white shirt as his right hand held the microphone wrapped with a matching ribbon. Quietly, he lifted his head up to gaze at the audience and their sea of floating lavender lights.

_"But somehow, with your amazing smile, you say it all_

_There's a meaning to 'AI'"_

Everyone was to perform a solo song of their choice for this live show in the concert hall. Ai was the fourth to perform, preceded by Camus, Natsuki and Reiji, in that order, who had performed "Saintly Territory", "Orion de Shout Out" Ballad Version, and "Never..." respectively. Ranmaru would be the last to perform his song, which was "Only One". Gently singing his ballad "A.I", Ai smiled tenderly at how much more heartfelt the lyrics were now compared to the last times he had sung them. The stage effects made everything seem more sentimental and dreamlike too, with the pink, lilac and white bubbles floating delicately up and through the air under the scintillating stage lights and above the wooden platform he was standing on with the microphone stand.

_Unknown to most of the people watching, the "A.I" in the title also stands for "Artificial Intelligence", symbolizing my non-human nature. But at least, they see the most evident representation of the title, which is my name. Ai. Ai Mikaze._

His voice remained gentle but clear as he continued singing with the emotions glistening in his chest. And yet...

_I just wish that everyone truly sees me for me. Not as someone who looks identical to another prominent figure._

He knew that at least one person present amidst the audience was calling out to him with a name that did not belong to him.

_Aine._

Although it was a solo stage, Ai had the liberty to allow his thoughts to wander off to other people besides himself, and that was precisely what he did with memories welling up like petals in a warm-coloured sky and quiet sadness rising in his chest. He knew that Reiji had been having nightmares of Aine ever since the new year began. They all knew. Natsuki was always there each and every night to help Reiji get through them and every morning after, the four of them would make sure that their eldest member and friend was truly alright. If he was pushing too hard during rehearsals, songwriting or any other aspect of work, all of them were 100% certain to make sure that he stopped, with Ranmaru even once threatening to hide the brunet's maracas if he overworked himself. Even though Reiji was clearly trying his best to remain strong for everyone, to look past his grief, it was heart-wrenching all the same seeing him this affected. 

_Your pain. Your grief... Even amidst all of it..._

He remembered the tight hug that he and Natsuki had given Reiji before it was time for him to perform onstage. Reiji had flashed them his trademark smile, tilted his fedora up, and with eyes gentler than usual, thanked them.

_You still see me for me... and I am thankful you do._

Singing the song that affirmed his identity as his own person, Ai thought of how Reiji, despite being directly associated with Aine, had not mistaken one for the other and vice versa even during their first encounter. Of the words _"You're fine as you are"_ from the solo song that Reiji had sung just minutes ago with earnest emotion. Of how he, along with Natsuki, Camus and Ranmaru, had given Ai the confidence to believe that he was his own person despite being designed to look identical to someone else. His smile softening on his lips, Ai traced an index finger down the velvety ribbon of his white shirt, gently, delicately, his unconventional heart warmed by his dearest friends, and ended the song as graciously as he could.

_"Though the single word you taught to me,_

_Whether a moment or an eternity with you,_

_It helped me_

_To depict everything"_

He placed a hand over the left side of his chest, followed by his other hand on top of it, and smiled a little more as the lights grew warmer.

_"I 'love' you... I love you"_

And the second the last rewinding of a clockwork from the instrumental and the last note resounded in the air, with the microphone held close to his lips, he spoke clearly, "Thank you, everyone," and proceeded to bow, causing cheers and claps to blossom and bloom around the hall like wildflowers shooting up from the grassland. He lifted himself up, letting out an exhale as he gave the crowd a few waves and walked towards the right wing where Reiji, Camus, Natsuki and Ranmaru were waiting.

Suddenly, however, a cry rippled into his ears.

" _Aine_!"

Ai nearly froze. Did he hear it correctly? He was certain that he was not one to hallucinate, but that... that was rather unprecedented. And it left his chest tightening with sadness, even though he, as a professional, could not outwardly express it on his face. But if that was real... it meant that somewhere past the stage, someone thought that Ai was Aine. Or was watching to see if Ai was Aine. Or wanted to believe that Ai was Aine. Or all of the above, as a matter of fact. It was not the first time such an occurrence unravelled itself - far from it, actually, considering how long Ai had been working as an idol ever since Aine's attempted suicide - but it did not fail to deliver a pang of sorrow piercing straight through his chest even though he knew the truth about himself.

_"Aine" is not "Ai". Just like how "Ai" is not "Aine". We are not the same. I am my own person, just like he is his own person. I just sang a song about my own person mere seconds ago and yet... you do not see it. Or perhaps... you do not wish to see it._

Inside his heart, he smiled wistfully.

_Is it... that difficult... to understand...?_

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you all know, the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project is far past its halfway point and that throughout the past few months, there have been major, epic performances and happenings unfolding and exploding one after another with these eleven Shining Stars in one place!"

Standing in the centre of the stage, Shining raised an arm and pointed straight at the colossal screen behind him, his lips stretched into a broad grin.

"Let us all have a brief review over what has happened so far, shall we?"

Standing between Reiji and Ranmaru, Natsuki, along with everyone else, turned their attention to the screen as it flashed once, revealing a compilation video of all the major events that had happened so far, starting from the introduction of the STARISH solo song project. Shining was holding a live event for the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project that was to go over the progress made, answer questions that social media had especially been buzzing with, and revealing the new segment of the project. All of STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT had been requested to attend, with Shining highlighting that it was compulsory, so now the two groups stood on the stage, with the former on the left corner and the latter on the right corner, all of them lined up with their respective group members in one line each, closely together. 

_Almost everyone have been so warm and accepting about me becoming a QUARTET NIGHT member_ , Natsuki thought quietly, his heart warming in his chest amidst the tingles of nervousness and anticipation. _It has almost been a month ever since our debut as the five-man QUARTET NIGHT during the anti-bullying week and the thoughts that we are all here together, as dear friends and band members, still bring unwavering warmth to my heart._

The video went on to show flashes of the live shows that they had done, including images of the bro-fists that the five of them had shared, the harmonizing and the colours illumining the stage. Standing in one line, Camus, Ai, Reiji, Natsuki and Ranmaru glanced at one another and exchanged brief smiles, with Reiji propping an elbow over Ai's shoulder and resting a hand on Natsuki's. While STARISH - Ren, Otoya, Cecil, Masato, Syo and Tokiya - wore brightly-coloured clothes with their respective theme colours, QUARTET NIGHT donned jackets, shirts and jeans with classic black, white and midnight-blue colours with tinges of gold and silver and Reiji being the only one amongst them to wear a fedora. Natsuki smiled faintly as the images of everyone laughing and smiling, whether during the solo, sub-unit or group segments and lives, appeared one after another like stars in an infinite sky, precious and beautiful.

_As long as we are together... it'll always be warm._

When the video ended, the audience surrounding the multi-coloured stage burst into voluminous cheer, crying out to all of the Shining Stars. And in the blur of the moment, the screen flashed again, only to reveal the list of solo songs that had been released by each Shining Star, with all of them represented by a recent photo of them, whether in STARISH's bright-coloured, more-flashy clothes or QUARTET NIGHT's darker but classic attires.

_**STARISH:** _

**Otoya:** -

 **Tokiya:** Independence

 **Cecil:** Hoshi no Fantasia

 **Syo:** True Wing

 **Masato:** -

 **Ren:** -

_**QUARTET NIGHT:** _

**Reiji:** -

 **Ai:** Innocent Wind

 **Natsuki:** Promise to Sirius

 **Ranmaru:** -

 **Camus:** -

"Looks like more than half of 'em songs gotta be released within these last two months," Ranmaru remarked in a half-mutter only his group could hear, narrowing his heterochromatic eyes slightly. "That's quite the stretch."

"It'll be alright!" Reiji assured Ranmaru, his lips curving into a light smile. "Inspiration comes during the times we least expect it, just like it did with Ai-Ai and Nattsun's songs! As long as we put our minds into it and trust one another, we can work miracles, I'm sure of it!"

"The quality of music, after all, is not measured by the amount of time that it takes to complete it," Ai remarked, smiling faintly. "It is about the depths of the heart and soul poured into each and every aspect of it, regardless how significant."

"You couldn't have said it better, Ai-Ai!" Reiji exclaimed.

Natsuki and Camus nodded with sincere smiles on their faces as Ranmaru rubbed the back of his head and grinned. Even though Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus had not completed their solo songs for the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project, the three of them had been working very hard to write them and already came up with ideas for them. All of them, including Natsuki and Ai, discussed the solo songs often, offering opinions and encouraging and motivating one another over hot drinks and quality bonding time. It turned out that out of pure coincidence, all five of them had chosen to write solo songs that were more to the sentimental side this time, about a deeper part of them that they may not normally reveal to others. Without explicitly saying it, all five of them understood that the process of writing such songs was definitely going to be filled with pain like what had happened in the process of creating "Innocent Wind" and "Promise to Sirius", but with genuine smiles, they knew that they would be there for one another no matter what...

... and that was how they knew for sure that they would be fine.

"And now is the time to announce the next stage of the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project!"

Shining's loud voice boomed across the atmosphere, causing all of them to swivel their heads around to face the head of their agency. His eyes were illumined by bubbling enthusiasm and Natsuki could hear his heart pound even louder in his ears.

"As you await the remaining six solo songs and the continuation of STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT's projects, these eleven Shining Stars shall be launched into Round 3 by yours truly and it has been decided that this round shall be..."

He paused for a few moments of sheer anticipation before shouting into the microphone:

"STARISH V QUARTET NIGHT!"

The second Shining made the announcement, the words flashed into existence on the screen in large, bold letters. "STARISH" was shown in the seven colours of the rainbow while "QUARTET NIGHT" was displayed in black and midnight-blue letters framed in white and gold. In between the two group names stood a black letter "V" in red and orange flames. Gasps, shouts and cheers erupted in the hall almost all at once like millions of fireworks as all the Shining Stars stared at one another in confusion, with even the calmest among them such as Ren and Ai not certain as to what their boss was planning.

Natsuki's heart thudded almost painfully in his chest.

_"V" means ver-_

"'V' is normally equivalent to the word 'versus'," Ai contemplated softly, his eyes narrowing. "The previous segments involved collaborations between the members of the two bands, so it is possible that Shining is planning to pit the two bands against each other in this round."

Ranmaru gritted his teeth as Natsuki and Reiji's eyes widened and Camus shook his head in sheer disapproval.

"What on earth..."

"The title's self-explanatory, everyone!"

Shining's words grabbed everyone's attention and he was beaming widely, clearly unsurprised and yet satisfied by the reactions that he had received from everyone here.

"For Round 3 of the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project, you shall witness your two favourite bands face-off and clash against each other in numerous challenges!"

"This sounds like it'll be anything but peaceful and peachy-"

"In what challenges, you may ask? The answer to that question will be revealed very, very soon, so stay tuned in this project that is bound to leave its burning footsteps in the deepest parts of your hearts!"

"Wait, he's not gonna even tell us what we'll-"

"That's all for now, ladies and gentlemen!"

The staff signalled the two idol groups to exit at their respective wings, with STARISH at the left and QUARTET NIGHT at the right. Mumbling under his breath, Ranmaru did his best to keep a straight face as Camus gave him a push forward and the five of them began walking towards their wing while waving at the audience, cheers and cries reverberating in every direction. As Natsuki smiled at the people who had come to support them, his heart stumbled lightly at the thoughts and possibilities rising in his mind. He knew that he would eventually have to directly compete against his former band members, but he did not think that it would be this soon and this... shockingly. He felt a hand take ahold of his own and squeeze it firmly and he turned to face Reiji, who was walking beside him, the brunet giving him a warm smile.

 _We have one another, Nattsun_ , the gentle gaze in his grey eyes read.

Letting out a soft exhale, Natsuki nodded and smiled back, whispering a "thank you" and squeezed his hand back as they walked behind Ranmaru and Camus, with Ai on Reiji's left. When he looked down for a brief moment, Natsuki saw the five tiny golden stars embellished on the black jacket that he was wearing, representing each member of the group, and seeing it soothed his mind and heart like a warm remedy even with the racing of his pulse.

...

"Thought the old man was gonna hold some big meeting where he'll laugh his head off at our faces, but no, he just freaking dismisses us and says we can all go home now?"

"There is an 80-95% probability that he will either divulge the details in the Shining Stars group chat or hold an unconventional meeting during the remainder of the week," Ai remarked, slinging his laptop bag over his right shoulder. "At the very least, we know the main feature of this round, which is the fact that QUARTET NIGHT and STARISH will be directly competing with each other."

"As disorderly as this idea is bound to be in application," Camus remarked as he adjusted the collar of his white shirt, "this is quite the opportunity to prove our worth as a newly-debuted five-man group."

"And to get revenge on three particular dimwits who used the rules to hurt one of our own," Ranmaru added, his lips curling into a sinister smirk as he pushed the greenroom door open. He looked over his shoulder at Natsuki and grinned. "You'll do swell, you know. Ain't nothin' to worry 'bout. The five of us are gonna kick 'em all the way to outer space for what they pulled on ya."

"More often than not, I feel as though Kurosaki has been educated quite strangely in terms of his methods in utilizing our spoken language."

"Well, he does sound quite bizarre using the phrase 'outer space'. Especially since it does not seem to have the intended effect that I am certain he was aiming for."

"... you two really don't know when to shut up, do you?"

Ranmaru glared at Ai and Camus as Natsuki and Reiji chuckled, but held the door open for all of them as he sighed in annoyance and rubbed his right temple. "What do I do with you lot..." Exchanging smiles and grins, the five of them left the greenroom and began walking down the corridor together, heading for the elevator. Camus suggested going to a dessert cafe in the shopping district and Ranmaru immediately objected and made a sarcastic remark, provoking a fight between the two males. Trying to end the fight, Ai said that he could search up the menu of the cafe and see if everyone had something that they wanted to eat there, and Reiji started to chat about the songs to play during the ride to wherever they were headed.

"Speaking of cafes, maybe next time, we can all go to a cat cafe! I'm sure Maru-chan-senpai will love it!" Natsuki spoke with a bright smile.

"Natsuki!" Ranmaru shouted, his face burning in utter embarrassment. "We are so _not_ doing that!"

"Yes, we are!" Reiji responded with a wide grin, wrapping an arm around Natsuki. "You're just too much of a tsun to admit your love for cats, Ran-Ran!"

"No, we are not!"

"I would not mind, Ranmaru," Ai assured Ranmaru with a half-amused smile.

"But _I'd_ mind you recording it all for the mere sake of 'research'!"

"Research is highly important, Ranmaru. That being said, I will be more than willing to share my findings with you if-"

"No!"

"Come on, Ran-Ran! You don't have to be shy around us! After all, we-"

Reiji's voice suddenly died away in the light atmosphere, causing Natsuki to turn to his best friend with confusion and concern filling his heart. "Rei-chan-senpai?" he asked quietly. However, Reiji did not appear to hear him as he stared straight ahead of them, his grey eyes widened and near frozen, holding within their glimmer a look of shock, anguish and fear. His own heart cracking at the expression, Natsuki swivelled around to see what was hurting Reiji and found himself staring at two unfamiliar males approaching their direction.

_Who... are they...?_

The two males seemed to be around their mid twenties, but neither seemed to be idols like the five of them were. One of them had thick, tousled dark grey hair and thin yellow eyes while the other had neater dark brown hair and matching eyes. The two males were talking with each other, neither of them smiling although they were seemingly casual. But even though they had not seen the group, Natsuki noticed that it was them who was causing Reiji to be in pain. And Ranmaru, Camus and Ai seemed to notice it too as they stopped walking and turned to Reiji, who remained eerily quiet, his expression unchanged.

"Reiji, why are you-"

"Hmm?"

A stoic voice pierced through the air and they all turned, only to find the unfamiliar duo already looking in their direction. More specifically, at Reiji. Natsuki's eyes widened slightly and beside him, Reiji let out an exhale and returned the stares that he was being given before forcing a smile and addressing the two males.

"Ke-chan. Hibikin."

Reiji Kotobuki

"Kotobuki-kun."

"Reiji."

The two voices who greeted him back did not bring warmth to his heart. Neither were they warm in the first place, especially the first one, belonging to Kei Otonami. Reiji did his best to hide the discomfort and pain lurking in the depths of his own self as he maintained the smile that he was giving Kei and Hibiki Katakiri, whom he had not expected at all to see here and were silently giving him judgemental stares. As he smiled, flashes and voices from the past echoed coldly in his head like the cries and screams of phantoms and ghosts, the cruel words, accusations and fists raised against him piercing his mind and heart like a thousand blades.

_"He's always been there for you and yet you just let him go, huh?"_

_"You are nothing short of a disappointment, Reiji. No, actually, you are worse."_

_"Why are you still alive?"_

_"You should be dead!"_

He nearly flinched and he would have allowed himself to do so if the two of them were not here. If his two former friends who had blamed him relentlessly for Aine's disappearance were nowhere to be seen or heard. But they were here. And as much as it was torturing him on the inside, he could not let himself flinch even the slightest bit if he did not want them initiating a conversation about him being a liar and coward sooner than they were bound to. However, even though he was trying to conceal his hurt, he felt a hand wrap itself around his right shoulder, gently but in a protective manner. Reiji glanced at Natsuki, whose kind green eyes were much more grave than usual behind his black-framed glasses, staring directly at the duo. His eyes widening slightly, Reiji turned again and noticed that Ranmaru, Camus and Ai had all shifted positions, now standing even closer to Reiji, their eyes holding the same unfaltering seriousness as Natsuki's. There was even a spark of anger flashing in Ranmaru's, and his heart squeezed in his chest, memories of a particular unforgettable night with a Ferris Wheel of ever-changing colours and broken souls flickering inside his head like shards of glass reflecting broken lamps.

The moment Reiji addressed Kei and Hibiki, the four of them realized who the duo was.

The duo who had told Reiji that he deserved to die. Who had abandoned him for they blamed him for Aine's disappearance.

And none of them would be holding back if even a _single_ cold syllable was spat against Reiji.

"Aine?"

Reiji's eyes dilated at the silent word that had slipped out of Kei's mouth. Kei's eyes were widened in disbelief and his eyes had shifted from Reiji to Ai, who looked surprised for a brief moment. 

"Aine... is that you?"

"No, Kei, that is Ai Mikaze," Hibiki corrected, shaking his head. However, he, too, held an expression of genuine disbelief. "But they really do look the same. Are you, by any chance, associated with Aine Kisaragi?"

Ai narrowed his eyes. "No, I-"

"You know," Kei added casually, "the one Reiji practically killed."

Reiji winced slightly, his heart clenching in sheer hurt, and immediately, a voice spoke up.

"Rei-chan-senpai did not kill or hurt anyone."

Natsuki spoke quietly but calmly as Ranmaru and Camus glared coldly at Kei, whose stoic expression morphed into an icy stare.

"You know not-"

"You're hurting our friend, so stop it." Natsuki's voice remained calm, but it was edged with even more adamance now, just like the expression in his eyes, giving Kei a gentle but firm warning. "That's too much."

"You're Natsuki Shinomiya."

Hibiki mused, disregarding Natsuki's words and the sharp looks being aimed at him.

"The idol who has caused quite the major fuss on social media, from the issue of his split personality to the switching of idol groups, more specifically for the latter, from STARISH to QUARTET NIGHT. The musical genius who was once a violin prodigy as a child but made an abrupt disappearance from the music industry until debuting as a STARISH member," Hibiki stated, his tone even as he looked straight at Natsuki with an almost-pitiful expression. "How strange. You know what it's like to disappear while the person you are protecting knows what it's like to cause someone else to disappear."

"Hibikin," Reiji intervened, clenching his teeth, "don't drag Nattsun into this-"

"Hibiki here did a profile on you, Shinomiya-kun," Kei cut in, his eyes boring into Natsuki's, "if you are wondering where these facts originated from. After all, how could we both not be curious about the bright talent who left behind an already-successful STARISH to join a band that has a particular somebody whom we know hides his real self behind a mask and could potentially ruin your life for good? You don't know him like we do and for your sake, we hope that you leave him as soon as you can."

"You two blabbermouths had better shut up before we-" Ranmaru threatened, his tone leaking with venom.

"You all are the ones who had better shut up and listen for your own good!" Kei snapped.

"Kei..." Hibiki tried to calm his angered friend down.

"This insolence..." Camus scoffed coldly.

"That clown-like moron standing with you caused our dear friend Aine Kisaragi to disappear!" Kei exclaimed, his tone colder than ice, almost spitting the words out. He jabbed an accusing finger at Reiji's chest. "I'm guessing that he did not tell any of you since he didn't want you to leave or whatever, but the truth is, guys, Reiji Kotobuki is a liar and a coward who thinks that he deserves better than he does when he should be found dead via drowning or suicide or whatever by now!"

"Silence, you asinine ignoramus!" Camus demanded coldly as Ai quietly glared at Kei. 

Reiji felt like burying himself deeper into his fedora, deeper into the shadows as anguish and guilt clawed and stabbed through his heart like thorns and nails, causing blood to seep freely, softly killing him on the inside, the words _Die, die, die_ laughing in his head like a cold-blooded song.

Something was choking him in the throat.

"So for your own stubborn sakes, you'd better leave him before he leaves you by the freaking ditch," Kei spat, sneering. He snapped his head over to Natsuki. "Especially you. People all over social media are raving over your friendship, but what kind of friendship is it if the one on the other end is a cowardly liar who refuses to tell you the truth about the ugliest part of him so that you will not leave and then proceed to freaking _tear_ you _down_ later in life-"

"Enough."

"Still protecting your friend? If he is even worthy of being c-"

"I said, _enough_."

Reiji froze, an icy chill shuddering down his spine. 

_N-Nattsun...?_ he whispered in his head.

Natsuki's voice had rippled into the air, but it was not warm and light like it normally was. Piercing through with an eerie edge, he had spoken quietly, but with a voice sharpened with a coldness that Reiji could never imagine ever hearing from his kind-hearted, patient best friend. His heart paralyzed by cold shock, Reiji spun around, only for his breath to falter at the expression in the blond's eyes. It was clearly not the violent, hot-tempered Satsuki when raged, but the kind, innocent glow that normally illumined Natsuki's green eyes had dimmed significantly, only to be overshadowed by a quietly-cold gaze that brought even more chills slipping down Reiji's spine. And it was clear that Reiji was not the only one to be taken aback by the change in Natsuki's demeanour as everyone, even the calm Ai and Camus, was staring at Natsuki in utter shock, with Ranmaru looking almost afraid. Beyond the coldness, however, Reiji noticed the deep grief and anguish torturing Natsuki, and those emotions brought him back to how the blond had grasped his hands and cried after listening to him tell him what had happened with Aine, deeply and heart-wrenchingly broken for Reiji.

_"You deserve to smile, to laugh, to live, just like us, and that'll... that'll never change."_

Natsuki turned to glance at Reiji and deep sadness flashed across his face like waves, and it broke Reiji on the inside like knives cracking through glass.

_Nattsun..._

"I will not give you another warning. Because I refuse to be here and allow you to say another word or do anything else to hurt the people whom I care about the most, and that includes Rei-chan-senpai."

Natsuki looked Kei in the eye, his voice quiet but firm. Somehow even amidst the foreign coldness of his tone, there was still kindness clear in his voice, and that was something that almost no one could express in such a way.

"Please leave before you do any further harm to anyone."

"Why are you freaking going out your way to defend him?" Kei exclaimed indignantly, scowling at Natsuki. "Your profile said that you've never been seen getting mad and you're wasting that on this moron? Could it be that you have nowhere else to go after you gave up your spot in STARISH to be here? Shinomiya-kun, Reiji Kotobuki _is_ -"

"It is with Rei-chan-senpai and everyone else where I belong," Natsuki interrupted, shaking his head. "You could not be more wrong about everything, including about him." Sadness flashed across his features, but his voice remained placid. "I am here because I want to be here and love and believe in everyone here. Do you know how much your cruel words about Rei-chan-senpai hurt? They are hurting not only him, but all of us, because none of that is true and we know it. Because you are hurting him when he never deserved it!"

"If you are claiming to know like your words are implying, then why haven't you left him yet like everyone else had? Like you all should? Think about it. In fact, he should not even be freaking living like the literal monster he-"

"He deserves to live!" Natsuki cried out, and the broken grief and anger shattering through his voice broke Reiji's heart. "Stop saying that he shouldn't live when the truth is that he deserves to live, to be loved and to smile and laugh just like we all do, as much as we all do!"

"No," Kei snarled, closing in on Natsuki menacingly, "he does not, you-"

"Unless you want a punch in the mouth right here and now, _back off_."

Without any warning, Ranmaru grabbed Kei by the collar of his olive shirt and shoved him backwards, causing the older male to stagger back towards where Hibiki widened his eyes in utter disbelief. He then placed an arm in front of Natsuki as Camus stepped forward and guarded Reiji, the two most outwardly-intimidating of the group focusing unforgiving glares on the outraged Kei and the incredulous Hibiki. Hibiki opened his mouth to speak, but Ranmaru cut him off before he could let out a single syllable.

"You should have taken Natsuki's words as the last warning and left as soon as you heard 'em, you cowards," Ranmaru spat, his voice oozing with poison. Although he was normally harsh than angered, even he sounded much more grating than usual. "If you thought you could run into the whole lot of us five and nitpick anyone, you must be the most brainless morons we've had to deal with over our lives."

"If anyone here's acting brainless, it's-"

"Do bear in mind that every individual of this quintet does not go back on their word, especially when it involves any other member," Camus further stated, his words polite although his tone was low and dark. The tip of his sceptre glinted like his ice-blue eyes did. "So we ask- no, _demand_ , for you hideous simpletons to take your leave before we are forced to take matters into extents that we do not normally resort to."

"We do not tolerate any form of bullying or abuse towards any single person," Ai remarked, his tone devoid of any warmth, just like the expression in his emotionless eyes. "Therefore, you crossed a fine line the second that you initiated this conversation in order to assault Reiji as well as target Natsuki."

He stepped closer to Reiji and Natsuki and narrowed his eyes even more.

"The both of you are 100% responsible for any consequences that ensue if you further aggravate this matter."

"Aine-" Hibiki started but cut himself off when he was met with Ai's piercing stare. "Ai," he corrected himself with a heavy sigh. He turned to Kei, who was scowling with utter resentment smouldering in his grey eyes. "Kei, we'll be late to our meeting if this continues. So let's go."

He nudged Kei when his friend did not respond.

"Kei?"

Kei's scowl did not waver as he looked around at all five QUARTET NIGHT members. His eyes fixated coldly especially on Reiji and Natsuki, narrowing with sheer hatred and devoid of forgiveness. After a few more torturous moments, Kei let out a dark curse and stormed past all the QUARTET NIGHT members and shooting one last glance at them, Hibiki yelled out to Kei and ran after him. Listening as the duo's footsteps disappeared behind him, Reiji lowered his head, his fedora and its shadow following him, his shoulders close to trembling. Even though Reiji expected that hatred and did not blame Kei and Hibiki for resenting him as much as he did, seeing all those emotions and hearing all those words like knives and the shrill screams of their piercings twisted his heart deeply. A hatred born from their love and care for someone precious to the three of them... Thinking of it that way left a wound that felt like it could never heal even with time.

_This is us... Aine._

His heart shook with uncontrollable anguish as his shoulders quivered, his former friends' cold voices reverberating in his head, the head that once believed that he truly did deserve to die.

_As tides of time without you slipped by... the waves only grew colder._

"Rei-chan-senpai."

A voice called out to him softly, tinged with sincere hurt. He felt a gentle arm draped consolingly around his shoulders and slowly raised his head up to face Natsuki, who was already looking at him and quietly met his eyes. The foreign coldness that had dimmed the warmth in that pair of green eyes had faded away, retrieving back the warm kindness that had always glistened in those eyes. However, what was also evident there was deep grief and torture faintly radiating amidst that kindness, accentuating the waves of anguish dissolving Reiji with each passing second. Reiji whispered his name, his voice almost wavering, and Natsuki shook his head and wordlessly pulled him into a tight hug. The blond held him, quivering slightly, and Reiji wrapped his arms around him in return, tightly, securely, his heart cracking and wavering in his chest, leaning deeper into his dear friend's chest. He felt a hand lay itself on top of his head and a smaller one rub his back in gentle, circular motions as a painful warmth shrouded him like a fog that he could not see through.

It took him at least a couple of minutes to pull away, albeit reluctantly. But when he did, Ranmaru spoke up.

"Give me your car keys."

His voice softer than usual, Ranmaru looked directly at Reiji's eyes, his expression giving the brunet no choice but to comply.

"I'm driving."

Ranmaru Kurosaki

Throughout the entire drive, Ranmaru swore that he was gripping the steering wheel so tightly that he could feel his knuckles turning white.

 _Those. Freaking._ Scums _._

"Angry" did not even begin to describe what Ranmaru felt towards the trash thrown at their faces. He was livid. Mortified. Disgusted. Horrified. Repulsed. Sickened. All those big words that you spat out in tumbles of curses and yells as your voice broke loose of restraint and all you wished to do was beat the sources of those emotions to a freaking pulp. All just when they had all planned to have a nice, enjoyable lunch together and they suddenly ran into two absolute, sickening nincompoops who had the literal moronic capabilities and black hearts to corner and torment one of their own. He literally had to clench his teeth in order to shut up throughout the ride to the dessert cafe or else he would blow a fuse and rant about those sorry-excuses-of-friends who had just cornered and tortured Reiji before their very eyes while justifying every bit of it.

Kei and Hibiki. 

Ranmaru had already despised them ever since he found out the truth about Reiji's past that night at the amusement park, but now he was seething with nothing but utter hate towards those morons. Every single word that they had dared to utter right at their faces in that corridor was deeply affecting one of them in particular, and they all knew that the pain was not going to subside anytime soon. After quietly expressing that he did not want to talk about what happened yet, Reiji had shrunk within himself in the car ride as he sat between Natsuki and Ai at the back, his grey eyes downcast, his fedora lowered. And at the cafe, he had barely eaten a few spoons when he said that he could not eat anymore. It was beyond disturbing to see the normally-flamboyant, although also annoying, Reiji this silent and withdrawn, and if Ranmaru was being completely honest with himself, it was unbearable to watch. But at least Reiji did not pretend that he was okay. At least he leaned onto Natsuki's shoulder and buried his face there while holding his and Ai's hands in the car. At least he listened to all four of them when they urged him that he needed to eat well. At least he was not lying to them. But even as he suffered, although the faint smile that he gave them was real...

They all still had idol work to do together.

And it was _torture_ seeing Reiji smile widely for the audience when they all knew how he genuinely felt.

"How long do you think he'll be in there?"

"An interminable amount of time, most likely," Camus answered, his eyes not leaving his handbook. He sighed heavily. "Putting up a facade for a prolonged amount of time can be fatiguing, Kurosaki. And I am certain that the anguish in doing so has caught up to him, so it is highly understandable."

"Hmm." Ranmaru frowned slightly. "Does that apply to you too, Camus?"

Camus let out a scoff. "Think as you please."

"So you do?" Ranmaru prodded with a smirk.

"If that is what your minuscule intellect suggests."

"Oi!"

Everyone's idol work was done for the day, so by the time evening came, they were all back at the apartment, except for Ai who had gone downstairs to collect his new gaming headphones. While Natsuki was preparing tea for everyone and Reiji was in the bathroom, here Ranmaru and Camus were, in yet another freaking argument. Ranmaru scowled at a now-smirking Camus, but he dropped the subject with a curse under his breath, mentally commenting that the ice prick should consider himself lucky that this was over. For now, that was; there was no way he was gonna forget about the chances of high 'n' mighty Camus admitting that his butler act was tiresome to keep up. Instead, he flopped back against the backrest of his red sofa and skimmed through the rock magazine that he was reading as Camus sat upright on the brown armchair and read his small ice-blue notebook. 

_Reiji really was worn out, though_ , Ranmaru thought, his eyes darting over to Reiji and Natsuki's shared bedroom. _God, despite how that guy seemed to always be burstin' through with energy, he literally fell asleep in Natsuki's arms on the way home. If his condition is this bad now..._

His heart twinged in emotions that he used to hold back.

_Then... how bad was it when he was all alone... huh? Back when w-_

"Ahh!"

A soft cry shattered through Ranmaru's thoughts and his eyes dilated. "Natsuki!" Camus was already up on his feet and heading towards the direction of the kitchen. With thoughts swirling around his head as to what just freaking happened, Ranmaru hurried after Camus, calling out to their close friend again. "You okay in there?" When they reached the kitchen, his heart pounded in shock.

_How-_

"Myu-chan-"

"Leave this to us, Shinomiya," Camus instructed gravely, guiding the younger blond away from the kitchen counter with his hands on Natsuki's arms, gentle yet firm. His eyes darted over to Ranmaru. "Kurosaki, please ensure that all the stoves have been switched off and that nothing else has spilled or been broken."

"On it."

Ranmaru grunted and began doing a round of checking as Camus sat Natsuki down at the dining table, his thoughts pounding in his head. Natsuki had accidentally scalded his hands with boiling water. On the kitchen counter sat a kettle, a ceramic tea set and a puddle of boiled water from which steam was painstakingly rising into the air-conditioned atmosphere. Ranmaru was honestly shocked by the younger boy's carelessness; Natsuki had always been meticulous when brewing tea. Something had to be up and about in the guy's head this time. After he placed a clean cloth on the wet surface and was sure that there was no other issue here, Ranmaru turned and watched as Camus used his ice magic to soothe and heal the burns on Natsuki's hands, the Permafrost count's eyes narrowed in sheer concentration.

 _Bet this has to do with that fight and those two morons,_ Ranmaru inwardly growled.

"Thank you, Myu-chan-senpai, Maru-chan-senpai."

Natsuki smiled faintly, but soon lowered his eyes in guilt.

"I'm sorry... I wasn't careful."

"Do not fret over it, Shinomiya," Camus responded, crossing his arms. "What matters the most is that you are safe out of harm's way and your hands are now completely healed."

"I agree with Camus," Ranmaru remarked, plopping himself down on the seat across from Natsuki as he frowned. "But it ain't like you to be that reckless, in fixing tea of all things." 

His frown deepened as Natsuki nodded slightly and Camus narrowed his eyes.

"It's 'cause of what happened back there, isn't it? With those two dimwitted lowlifes."

"... yeap," Natsuki answered quietly, lowering his eyes.

"But it's not just about what they did to Reiji."

Natsuki's eyes widened in pure surprise. "Maru-chan-senpai-"

"We know you well enough to know if there is another issue in hand that has remained unsaid," Camus told Natsuki, stroking his chin, his ice-blue eyes grave. "And in this instance, with your unusual heedlessness and lack of focus, there has to be something else on your plate that you are not telling us."

"And knowin' ya, you were keepin' it to yourself 'cause things are already as painful as they are with Reiji, right?" Ranmaru pointed out. The pained surprise that flashed across Natsuki's face answered Ranmaru and Camus for him, and it made the former shake his head in disapproval. "You shouldn't be, Natsuki. If there's something goin' on with you, you can always find any of us to talk it out no matter what."

"Ongoing problems do not diminish your own, Shinomiya," Camus stated matter-of-factly. He looked Natsuki in the eye and narrowed his eyes. "So do tell Kurosaki and me what is troubling you so that you can get it off your chest."

"So what is it?" 

Natsuki hesitated for a moment, his eyes tight with pain, but he soon let out a quiet exhale and began to speak. "It's also about what happened with Rei-chan-senpai and his former friends, but... it's another part of it. It's going to sound strange, really strange, but..."

He looked at both Ranmaru and Camus, his pain amplifying in his kind green eyes.

"I'm just really unsure what to think about me getting mad back there... that's all."

Natsuki's voice was quieter than usual, embarrassed and almost ashamed. His hands clasped together a little tighter as he lowered his head, the light in his eyes quivering slightly. But even though Natsuki hadn't said much, from a single glance between him and Camus, Ranmaru knew that they both understood the problem here. Nodding in understanding, Ranmaru folded his arms, the chain bracelet on his right wrist ringing a little, and spoke.

"It's the first time you've ever gotten mad, isn't it, Natsuki?"

Natsuki gave him a small nod and Ranmaru grunted.

"So you ain't used to it and it's thus getting you worked up." Ranmaru's lips slated into a slight grin as he reached a hand across the table to ruffle Natsuki's wavy blond hair. "Hey, it's okay, ya know. It's okay to get mad for the right reasons; what happened back there was deserving of everyone's anger, including yours. Honestly, we weren't expectin' you of all people to get mad, but you really showed that ridiculous duo that no one messes with this group, alright! As taken aback as we were, we gotta admit that it was real impressive."

"'Anger', depending on circumstances, is not a bad emotion to exhibit," Camus remarked, his voice serious. "Allow me to ask you this: do you regret being angered for Kotobuki's sake?" Natsuki widened his eyes, but he shook his head, and Camus' eyes turned gentler. "Then there is nothing to regret or mull over, Shinomiya. All you did was muster the courage to speak in support of Kotobuki and the rest of us, and no one has the right to say that it is deserving of any form of contempt."

The sadness in Natsuki's eyes slowly faded into gentle brightness and his lips formed a light smile. "Do we... ever get used to this feeling? To being angry?"

Camus chuckled. "You should be asking that question to Kurosaki, our resident hot-tempered band member, whose short fuses appear to have no end."

"Excuse me?" Ranmaru shot Camus a deep scowl. "You talk as if you've never pointed your stick at people's faces when you get all mad about some inadequate sweets or whatever junk is there in the past."

Camus' face morphed into an icy glare. "How amusing, considering that the number of times that you have come close to shoving a violent fist to others' faces exceeds the number of times that Kotobuki, Mikaze _and_ Shinomiya have expressed any form of anger combined."

"I think we can say the same for you, ice prick! Especially since-"

"Before this squabble escalates any further, I believe that we have gone completely off-topic."

Camus shifted his eyes back to Natsuki and his expression softened.

"As demonstrated by both Kurosaki and I, albeit inadvertently, saying that we are the most patient and tolerant people is irrefutably a dismal lie." Ranmaru snorted as Camus' lips formed a small smirk. "Evidently, your situation is dissimilar to ours, but even if you are angered again in the near future, you need not be distressed about it. Unless, of course, it is unreasonable, which I sincerely do not see happening in terms of you."

"Yeah," Ranmaru agreed, tousling Natsuki's hair even more. He grinned. "Anger ain't exactly something you get used to - it's a rather erratic, spur-of-the-moment emotion, honestly. But you're good, kiddo. If you ask me, it was about freaking time you showed teeth to those who deserved it, so it's actually an improvement, ya know. So this is just fine for you and all of us, got it?"

Natsuki let out a relieved sigh and laughed quietly. "I understand now. Thank you, Myu-chan-senpai and Maru-chan-senpai. I feel so much better now that I've talked to you guys about it."

"No problem, Shinomiya."

Camus smiled and Ranmaru's lips curved into a wide grin. That was when they heard footsteps and found their two other flatmates entering the kitchen area. Ai was carrying a cardboard box while Reiji looked much fresher than he had before with a plain green T-shirt and khaki shorts. The five of them greeted one another and Camus stood up to fix chamomile tea for everyone. The Permafrost count told Natsuki to leave the tea to him and allow his hands to rest after that accidental burn, causing Reiji to exclaim in shock and Ai to inquire what happened when he was gone. Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus took turns in explaining the incident and when they were done, Reiji shook his head with a light smile and pulled Natsuki into a gentle hug, stating that the gentle blond was just fine as he was and that him getting mad did not make them love him any less, with Ai agreeing with a faint smile.

"Are you feeling better, Rei-chan-senpai?" Natsuki asked quietly, slowly pulling away to look straight at Reiji, his arms still wrapped around the brunet. His green eyes glimmered with earnest worry. "Are you... still feeling sad...?"

"I can't really say that I'm at my best," Reiji answered, scratching the back of his neck as Ai distributed the teacups and Camus began pouring the tea from the teapot. "Even after all these years, hearing all those words being aimed at me, especially coming from Ke-chan and Hibikin, still hurts deeply, although I'd be lying if I said I blamed them." He lowered his eyes, his expression tight with pain. "After all, for almost all my life ever since Aine's... disappearance, I did agree with them and all that they said about me."

He paused, his eyes fixated on the arms wrapped gently around him.

"But... I can't say that I'm at my worst either," he continued, his soft voice regaining an ounce of its usual spirit. "As much as I am not completely healed or happy on the inside, I am feeling better. Much, much better than I would have been if you guys weren't here with me." He raised his head to face all four of them and his grey eyes softened into a gentle smile. "It'll take some time, like it always does, but really... thank you, for standing by me back there, for everything."

Ranmaru felt warmth grow in his own beating heart as Camus and Ai nodded with sincere smiles and Natsuki's eyes glistened softly and he gave Reiji another tight hug. It was moments like this that deeply reminded Ranmaru just how much they all needed and meant to one another despite how dissimilar they were. That was when an idea lit up inside Ranmaru's head and his lips curled into a wide grin.

"If havin' us with ya is makin' ya feel better..."

He shot Reiji and the others a challenging smirk.

"Whaddya all say to some craziness in a round of games? With a bet to spice things up?"

"Is the prideful Kurosaki feeling more confident than usual?" Camus remarked with a smirk of his own. "Rest assured that I will not be the losing party this time if we move forward with this idea."

Ranmaru grinned as Reiji, Natsuki and Ai agreed with smiles on their faces. "We'll see 'bout that, you sweet-toothed baron."

"How about you decide which game to play, Reiji?" Ai asked. "As well as the terms of the bet."

Natsuki gave Reiji an encouraging squeeze on the shoulder and the brunet stared at everyone, emotion glimmering in his grey eyes. "G-Guys...!" Soon every part of Reiji's expression lit up like the sun piercing through a heavy fog and a bright smile took over his features. "Yeap, let's go!" He nodded enthusiastically, his voice bubbling with newly-found energy. "Let's play the King Game first and then the bet'll take place in some good o' card games! The one with the least number of wins has to treat everyone to drinks at our favourite cafe. Is everyone okay with that?"

"Yeap!" Natsuki chirped, his eyes sparkling as Camus grunted in agreement.

"No objection here," Ranmaru stated, crossing his arms behind his head, and Ai nodded with a small smile.

"Yay!" Reiji cheered, pumping a fist into the air. "So let's all bring our tea over to the living room!"

"Okay, Rei-chan-senpai," Natsuki agreed with a happy smile. His eyes sparkled again. "Let me start by doing this!"

"W-Wahh!"

Reiji laughed amidst his yells and cries of shock as Natsuki lifted him from his chair with ease and carried him in his arms. "Nattsun!" Ranmaru guffawed as Camus chuckled and Ai smiled in amusement, stating that Reiji was really the smallest of the group, earning protests from the brunet. Natsuki merely smiled brightly and started walking towards the living room as Reiji playfully punched him on the shoulder and held onto the blond while laughing.

"Seriously, though, if Natsuki is that strong, I think I'm gonna end up giving him fighting lessons of my own. To, you know, be able to shove a fist against the mouths of morons."

"Ran-Ran!" Reiji exclaimed, his eyes dilating in horror.

"Self-defence is essential knowledge to have, but please hinder yourself from passing on your recklessly irascible nature to Natsuki. It is already difficult restraining you as it is."

"Oi-"

"To put Mikaze's words in layman terms, Kurosaki is a brute whose habits should not be transferred to his polar opposite Shinomiya."

"Shut up! I offer to give the kiddo some important skills in life and _this_ is what I get?"

But even with the subtle and anything-but-subtle insults and bickers, the mood had already shifted to a lighter, more comfortable one for all of them, with all the laughter, smiles and casualness. Natsuki offered to fix their favourite drinks after the tea was finished and Camus immediately said that he would lend a hand, stating that he wished to prevent Natsuki from inadvertently burning his own hands again. Ai took out his new gaming headphones from the delivery box and everyone agreed that he had good taste, to which he smiled faintly. Ranmaru shuffled the cards and felt himself grin inwardly when he saw Reiji moving up and down where he was seated, his grey eyes filled with much more sincere happiness now than during the whole afternoon.

_It's actually rather nice seein' him genuinely happy like that. Though, thinkin' 'bout how bad he must have felt back when we weren't this close... is still real disturbin' to me._

Ominous thoughts filled his mind for a second and Ranmaru hid a grimace, not wanting to speculate what he had no clue was really going to happen. But...

_As for those two freaking sickos... I sure hope their reason for bein' in that building has absolutely nothing to do with us._

???

"As creative directors of the third main round of the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project..."

Shining clasped his hands and looked at the men seated directly across from him.

"What do you have in mind for this stage, Mr Otonami and Mr Katagiri?"

Kei Otonami and Hibiki Katagiri exchanged looks with each other before nodding and facing the head of Shining Agency again. When they had come into the building, they knew that there was a high possibility of running into the members of STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT. With a stroke of luck, they had run into the latter, which they had taken the time to review profiles of before this day. Behind their cool exteriors, both of them were still seething from the fight from earlier, shocked and incredulous beyond words by what had gone down. To them, Reiji Kotobuki was a liar.

Reiji Kotobuki was a selfish, selfish person.

An actor.

A murderer.

A failure who let his own best friend - their dear friend - down when he needed him the most.

A coward who hid behind a ludicrous laugh and cheerful grin.

And yet, even while knowing all that they should know about Reiji, four people still stood by the guy without even the slightest falter, even the newest member of the group who had moved from another.

Reiji did not deserve that.

Reiji did not deserve true friends.

Reiji did not deserve to be _happy_.

Fueled by a deep vengeance, Kei looked directly into his former boss' eyes and nodded curtly, knowing precisely what his and Hibiki's next move was. This project would serve as a cold reminder and wake-up-call to that undeserving, moronic coward so that he would forever be haunted by what he had done each morning he woke up to, each night he slept during, every moment of the day, and he would break and break and Kei and Hibiki could watch without a shred of care or mercy.

And so he began explaining the ideas he and his partner had agreed on, all while hiding a sinister smirk.

_By the time we are done, the four of you will realize the burden that you have been protecting and walk away from him. And when you do..._

Hibiki nodded as Shining stroked his chin and Kei went on, layers of dark emotions and desires concealed behind complexities and genius.

_He'll be left on his own, just like before, just like he should always be._

_"I didn't understand my former self,_

_But now, I feel like I understand now"_

\- "Futari no Monogram", by Ai Mikaze (Shouta Aoi)


	44. Deserving

Ai Mikaze

Depression.

As defined by the Oxford dictionary, depression was "a mental condition characterized by feelings of severe despondency and dejection, typically also with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, often accompanied by lack of energy and disturbance of appetite and sleep." It was worse than simple sadness, darker than pain, emptier than cold rejection. A void without a hint of light or perhaps, the inability to see the light. A state of hollowness of bleeding that seemed endless and broken all at once. That was what Ai understood, even if it was not much. And he was 100% certain that as painful as it sounded, his four closest friends understood it with much more clarity than he did.

Especially when at least three of them had experienced it at certain points in their lives.

Camus was the only one amongst the four that Ai was uncertain about in terms of depression, but he did believe in the cause-and-effect theory. The Permafrost baron was an incredibly private, frigid and distant person to nearly everyone, and there had to be a reason for it, which, Ai was sure, was not a bright one. However, Ai knew that Reiji, Natsuki and Ranmaru had all suffered depression of varying levels, regardless if they had been completely healed from it.

About a month ago, Ranmaru had broken down in the living room, burning in his own flames of pent-up torture, anguish and desperation as he screamed.

Throughout the entire Master Course, Natsuki had cried alone, just like he had with bruises that he concealed under sleeves as a child, and along with his alter ego, carried the trauma of his childhood within a glowing yet broken heart.

And Reiji... Reiji had hidden his broken self under his fedora and behind a mask of smiles and laughs, and all of it had been unravelled in the most excruciating way possible under the colours of a glowing Ferris Wheel, with hands grasping another's tightly, tears pouring down like rain.

That torture, that trauma, that grief... All of it overshadowing and haunting a person's mind and heart simultaneously like the memories and voices plaguing them, like the image of a candlelight dying replaying over and over again... The mere thought of it deeply perturbed Ai as he stood in front of the tall glass window of the living room, his eyes staring blankly at the darkness of the night sky, at the stars that could be interpreted as beacons of light or shards of what had been broken. He could vaguely hear Ranmaru's light snores as he placed a hand over his chest, unable to feel a pulse but knowing that a heart did exist there. Today was a cold reminder of how much grief a heart could be subjected to. Of how words could be so heartless and cruel to the point that the pain that they inflicted lingered on like a piercing cry. To the point that they could ruin lives. To the point that they trapped souls in an abyss that they did not know how to save themselves from.

_All this time, I have been curious about how each and every kind of emotion is and feels like. Happiness, sadness, love, pain, worry... I wanted to understand them as much as Natsuki, Reiji and the others do. I wanted to be able to convey them as well as they do. I wanted to be certain that I was able to feel what they felt, that the emotions crossing my chest were real and genuine._

_But depression... is an entirely different case altogether._

Some of their painful memories were his as well, and even just recalling them brought a pang of agony twisting through his chest and he could not even start to comprehend how much more suffering they had endured in the past.

_I do not wish to ever experience it first-hand._

He lowered his eyes, the moonlight dimmer tonight.

_Because even the cold imagination of it... is terrifying._

Reiji Kotobuki

_Say... Aine... If you were to wake up now... what would you say?_

_What would you say if you found out all that has happened ever since you fell into a coma? What would you say if you found out every fight that Ke-chan, Hibikin and I have had, every word that had been whispered, cried out and yelled? If you knew about Ai-Ai and his physical resemblance to you? If you knew how Hakise kept hoping and praying that you would wake up? If the memories of what happened just before you let yourself sink into the cold, cold water flashed into your head the moment you opened your eyes? Would tears slip down your face? Would you try to smile for whoever is there when you open your eyes, try to stay strong despite the sadness welling up in your heart? Would you want to live again? Would you agree with Ke-chan and Hibikin about me...?_

_Would you hate me?_

_Would you never forgive me?_

_Would you think... that I am the one who deserves to die?_

Reiji had contemplated those thoughts and questions before, lost sleep because of them, tortured himself by mulling them over like a broken song. A small part of him would try to reassure him by saying that Aine was a kind, forgiving person and his best friend, that he would and could never hate him or think those merciless thoughts about him. But the rest of him, almost all of him, told him that Aine would never forgive him. That Reiji did not deserve forgiveness or warmth. That he should have died. That he was a selfish, selfish coward and liar who failed to be there for the person who cared about him the most. And he'd agree with the majority of him, crying into his pillow, whimpering alone, shattering more and more as he drowned in his guilt and grief. But now, in the present, he found himself unable to fall into that hollow abyss anymore, for there were warm hands grasping his own, refusing to let go no matter how much they may bleed because of him. He was loved. He was cared for, deeply, unconditionally.

 _Where would I be without you?_ Reiji thought in his heart as he stood with his closest friends on the right side of the stage, opposite STARISH. _What would I be without you?_

Ai and Camus stood on his right while Natsuki and Ranmaru were on his left. Natsuki turned to him and gave him a warm smile while Ai nodded in silent encouragement. It warmed Reiji on the inside.

_I'd be alone in an abyss within myself, thinking I don't deserve to get out of it._

"Welcome back to the shining stage, my wonderful Shining Stars!"

The audience erupted into an uproar of cheers, claps and cries as Shining guffawed and flashed his signature grin at both STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT.

"The third round of the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project, STARISH V QUARTET NIGHT, is bound to leave your heads and hearts swirling in a storm of fire and emotions, so I hope you're all up and ready to face what I'm about to throw your way!"

The applause of the crowd amplified like the sounds of countless fireworks, igniting the atmosphere with sparks that quickly burned into colours and flames. Reiji noticed Ren smiling as Tokiya sighed and panic flashed across Otoya's face. Reiji merely chuckled as he heard Ai sigh quietly; Shining was not Shining if he did not drop them into a wild ride.

A wild ride that was often too crazy, that was.

"But first things first! I would like to introduce you eleven Shining Stars, as well as everyone gathered here for this fine occasion, to the two creative directors that I have put in charge of STARISH V QUARTET NIGHT!'

Shining paused for a moment, his grin widening.

"Please give a huge round of applause to Kei Otonami and Hibiki Katagiri!"

Immediately, the world froze around Reiji like a cruel winter.

_W-What...?_

The two aforementioned people appeared from STARISH's corner of the stage, stepping into view for all the world to see as claps and cheers reverberated in the air that was now almost suffocating to Reiji. He felt Natsuki squeeze him tightly on the shoulder as he tried his best to maintain a calm expression that did not betray the shock, terror and fear spinning around his heart like a hurricane of madness. Kei and Hibiki quit Shining Agency years ago, so why were they brought back to be put in charge of this round? Of STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT's round? His former friends smiled politely at the audience, waving a few times as they turned their heads around and scanned their surroundings. As they joined Shining at the centre of the stage, Kei and Hibiki faced QUARTET NIGHT, all who were now standing closer together. Even though everyone was putting up professional behaviours and their best poker faces, Reiji could feel the thick tension caused by yesterday's fight shroud the atmosphere between them, and he definitely did not miss the look of sheer disgust that flashed in Kei's eyes for a second when they met Reiji's.

An icy chill slowly snaked down Reiji's spine.

This round was going to be the worst.

"Thank you for joining us for this fantastic project of ours, Mr Katagiri and Mr Otonami!"

"The pleasure is ours, Shining-san," Hibiki responded with a smile as Kei crossed his arms and nodded. "We simply could not refuse being a part of this project, especially with how much it means to everyone who has had so much faith in it and put tremendous effort into creating this masterpiece."

His dark brown eyes shifted over to QUARTET NIGHT and Reiji could see the subtle coldness in Hibiki's smile.

"It is an honour to be here."

"Wonderful, wonderful!" Shining exclaimed, his eyes illuminated behind his sunglasses. "It seems that I have picked such amazing, enthusiastic creative directors to be a part of this ever-growing team!" He grinned. "Now, if you will, please explain to the Shining Stars, as well as our beloved audience, what Round 3 will comprise of!"

"Yes, Shining-san," Kei agreed, nodding briefly at the head of Shining Agency. His eyes looked directly at the audience as he held his microphone to his mouth. "As the title 'STARISH V QUARTET NIGHT' already explains, the two idol groups will clash against each other this round. In what, you may ask? That is what Hibiki and I are going to reveal very shortly."

Hibiki nodded. "In one-week's time, STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT will be back live onstage and conduct a series of performances. This event will start off with members from each group performing either on their own, in duets, or in trios. The groupings will be decided by random, but the groups will be able to select the songs they sing - whether their own original songs or songs by other artists - based on the themes we give them."

The audience rose in volume and enthusiasm as Reiji's heart clenched in sheer worry. _Ke-chan and Hibikin have complete control over-_

"But the most interesting part lies in the finale."

Kei grinned.

"Each group has to produce an original song and perform it on that day too. With a unique catch."

Gasps echoed throughout the arena as Reiji braced himself for what was about to come, his gut warning him that this was no good.

_Oh no._

"Each idol group will be given one restriction while every other aspect of their song is free for them to decide upon," Kei proceeded, his yellow eyes glinting as his grin widened. More gasps were heard as Natsuki's hand tightened around Reiji's shoulder and STARISH exchanged looks of anticipation and concern. "STARISH will be given an original composition from myself and Hibiki to use for their song, but they have the liberty of writing any lyrics and including any themes they want. QUARTET NIGHT, on the other hand..."

Kei turned his head to face QUARTET NIGHT, an underlying darkness hidden behind his expression.

"... has to come up with a song with the theme of _'disappearance'_."

Reiji barely refrained himself from gasping as his heart was paralyzed by utter terror, his breath nearly stopping. _Disappearance..._ As soon as it snapped out of its paralyzed state, his heart began thumping loudly and uncontrollably, thudding into his ears like an iron hammer. Kei flashed him a smile that appeared encouraging to the ecstatic audience but was in reality, malicious towards Reiji, and the latter quivered on the inside. _This is your way of getting back at me for what happened to Aine... isn't it?_

Letting out an exhale, he tried to stay strong, refusing to crumble here and now.

_This round has become a game for you, hasn't it? A game of resentment and revenge._

"Looks like the fans are all loving your ideas, my two creative directors!"

Shining exclaimed, his voice bubbling with sheer excitement.

"What do you think, STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT? Are you all up for the big challenge ahead of you?"

"You bet!" Syo yelled, smiling widely as he held up a clenched fist. "Whatever is thrown at us, STARISH will be the ones to emerge victorious in this battle with QUARTET NIGHT! Our opponents may have much more experience, but we ain't gonna be taken down easily, alright!"

"Do you have anything to add, QUARTET NIGHT?"

"As a matter of fact, we do," Ai answered, his voice as calm as the look in his teal eyes. "We may have more experience combined, but that does not mean that we undermine our opponents or have any plans on holding back. Just like STARISH, regardless what challenges are given, we promise to give nothing but our utmost best and make certain that our results do not fail to impress."

He glanced at Reiji and smiled faintly.

"With all of us uniting as one, I am absolutely certain that QUARTET NIGHT will prevail."

Reiji smiled back even though his heart was still racing in his chest.

"They may be allies, but they have a fierce, burning rivalry with each other that will never fail to heat up the competition!" Shining remarked as the crowds of people yelled and clapped for them, chanting the names of both groups in irregular succession. "Be sure to follow these two idol groups on social media to support them and be on a lookout for the surprise updates in regards to the themes and more details of this fierce competition!"

He spread his arms out dramatically and shouted.

"Let the games begin!" What should have lit a fire in Reiji's heart only brought chills running down his spine. "STARISH V QUARTET NIGHT!"

...

"You know what day I look freaking forward to?"

Ranmaru snarled through gritted teeth.

"The day those two imbeciles get fired and freaking kicked out of showbiz for the junk that pulled on us."

"I sincerely question Shining-san's motives in recruiting them for this project with the knowledge of their personal history with Reiji," Ai remarked, shaking his head as he narrowed his eyes. "However, they have crossed the line even further by manipulating this project to antagonize Reiji as well as the rest of us, and if we want to prove their plans futile, we need to excel regardless of the situation."

"I knew that their words were cruel," Natsuki said, his voice quiet with hurt, "but I didn't think that they would go this far to hurt Rei-chan-senpai and the rest of us like this. This project is about emotions and strengthening our bonds with one another, not hurting others!"

"Precisely," Camus agreed, his expression cold with anger. "That further proves that they are helpless morons."

"Agreed."

The five of them were back in their own greenroom backstage, expressing their anger, disapproval and hurt towards the twist in this round of the project. Slamming a fist against the wall, Ranmaru spat out curses towards Kei and Hibiki as Ai removed his own azure jacket, Camus opened his thermos of milk tea, and Natsuki hugged his fawn plushie against his chest with one arm and kept another wrapped tightly around Reiji. Reiji let his head rest against Natsuki's shoulder, his mind knowing exactly why the theme of 'disappearance' was given to his group, why Kei and Hibiki were targeting them and placing them at an obvious disadvantage, and yet not at all having a clue how on earth they would come up with a song that they would be able to perform in a mere seven days' time.

 _They are targeting us because of me._ Reiji felt his shoulders quiver as he leaned even more into Natsuki's hug, causing the kind blond to pull him even closer and give him a gentle squeeze. _They are waiting for us to fall apart. They want us to fall apart. They want me to be blamed. They want me to be the burden._

Natsuki completely let go of the fawn plushie and scooped Reiji into his two arms, whispering that none of this was his fault, that none of them blamed him, that the five of them would get through this together. Reiji hugged Natsuki back and closed his eyes as his body quivered with fear and anguish, praying that this did not get any worse, that nothing more was done to hurt his group, that Kei and Hibiki stopped dragging Natsuki, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus into this broken mess.

 _They... did_ nothing _wrong._

Knock! Knock!

"Come in!" Ranmaru called out, clearly trying to reign in his rage as Reiji and Natsuki pulled away from each other. But when the door creaked open, his face flashed with sheer resentment and he gritted his teeth tightly.

"Whaddya you sickos want?" he demanded sharply.

Kei smirked as Hibiki smiled, their eyes cold and cruel at the same time as Reiji's heart squeezed tightly in his chest and Natsuki's eyes tightened in pain. "What do we want?" Kei repeated, his voice smug as he stroked his chin. "We want to give you more details about your challenge before you leave the building so that you can start working on it right away."

"It is best if we tell it in person," Hibiki added, nodding. His eyes were silently mocking them. "As your creative directors."

"Then stop wasting our time and say what you need to and nothing more," Camus ordered, his tone colder than ice.

With a dark smirk, Kei simply tapped a finger on his cellphone and suddenly, everyone's cellphones resounded in the greenroom. Immediately, the five of them checked their cellphones, only to find an announcement sent to all their personal chats with the same unknown number, which was clearly Kei's. Reiji carefully read the long message, scrolling down the phone screen with his index finger, and his eyes dilated at the details:

**GROUPINGS**

**Round 1:** _Ren Jinguji, Masato Hijirikawa and Tokiya Ichinose VS Reiji Kotobuki_

Theme: _Deception_

 **Round 2:** _Otoya Ittoki and Syo Kurusu VS Natsuki Shinomiya, Ranmaru Kurosaki and Camus_

Theme: _Fire_

**Round 3:** _Cecil Aijima VS Ai Mikaze_

Theme: _Beauty_

"This Round 1 a total joke!" Ranmaru exclaimed, shooting Kei and Hibiki a dark scowl as fear coursed through Reiji's heart. "What on actual earth are you doin' pittin' three people all against Reiji? It ain't even at all!"

"You are the one who must be joking around, Ranmaru," Hibiki disagreed, his tone even and unafraid. "Do numbers matter when it is all about talent?"

"Don't you know that there's a reason there are the solo category and the group category?" Ranmaru spat back, his face blotched with anger.

Hibiki shrugged, feigning obliviousness. "Shining-san approved, so I don't see a problem."

"Why you-"

"The two of you asinine imbeciles have initiated a war with all five of us by treating this project as a petty game for your sick self-satisfaction," Camus cut in, placing an arm in front of Ranmaru before the furious rocker could shove a fist into Hibiki's face. "By the end of this so-called 'game', rest assured that you two will be the ones named the biggest fools of all."

Kei scoffed. "For a group at a big disadvantage, you sound real confident, Camus-kun."

"Ke-chan, Hibikin," Reiji spoke up, staring at his former friends with sheer anguish. "I know how you feel, but this project does not just involve me, but also everyone I care about as well as others who have done their best to make it success." He clenched his teeth as his heart drummed in his ears. "Stop using this to sabotage me when it can just end up causing more pain-"

"And whose fault will it be?" Kei shot back, glaring mercilessly at Reiji. "If it weren't for you, we wouldn't be doing any of this, you coward!"

"I-"

"Just admit that you don't want them seeing you as the burden that you actually are!"

"Insults of any form are intolerable," Ai spoke up, giving Kei and Hibiki a cold stare. "If that is all to the announcement that you came to convey, please leave."

"The look in your eyes when you get angry..." Kei trailed off, his expression contemplating. He stepped forward and reached for Ai's shoulder. "Are you sure that it's not you... Aine?"

Ai stepped backwards and pushed Kei's hand away, narrowing his eyes.

"I am Ai Mikaze!"

"That's enough!" Natsuki exclaimed, shaking his head as hurt flashed across his face and Camus and Ranmaru blocked Kei from coming any closer to Ai. "You are hurting everyone and using this project to hurt as you wish is not what this is about. We put our heart and soul into this project, helping one another, looking out for one another, and yet... the two of you keep bringing more and more sadness to this group, especially to Rei-chan-senpai!"

His eyes were flooded with deep sorrow.

"Stop hurting everyone! Hurting others will not do any-"

"How about you just admit that you are afraid of making a fool out of yourself by being a member of this group, Shinomiya-kun?"

"What are you-"

"Just imagine," Kei continued nonchalantly, crossing his arms, "your team losing by a landslide to the likes of STARISH. Everyone watching the live will be able to vote online and you will be sinking in utter embarrassment and shame as the results flash right after a dismal attempt to deny the truth. You will regret being a member of QUARTET NIGHT, being protective over a coward. Not to mention..."

Kei let out a condescending laugh as Natsuki's hand tightened around Reiji's shoulder and his green eyes intensified with their disapproval.

"That kid who is now under your wing... Eli Kizuna, right? What will he think when you, his mentor and idol, fall apart live onstage? He is going to deny you, your connection to him, your friendship, your mentoring, do everything to get away from you merely because-"

"Stop!"

Reiji shouted, unable to take it anymore, a rush of cold anger surging through his body as his heart accelerated in his chest. Wrapping an arm around a tortured Natsuki, Reiji gritted his teeth and glared at the shocked Kei and Hibiki, not caring how cold he looked and sounded, his patience officially gone. Shaking his head, Reiji looked them both directly in the eye and spoke as calmly as he could manage.

"Like I said before, I know how you both feel, and you can do whatever you want to me if it'll make you happier than you are now," Reiji uttered slowly, his tone colder and darker than he expected. "But I absolutely cannot tolerate or forgive you for dragging my friends into this problem and hurting and cornering them like this, and that includes Eli-chan. They are innocent and do not deserve your cruelty."

Kei scowled and opened his mouth to speak, but Reiji held up his free hand and beat him to it.

"If you want to destroy anyone," his tone was low, "destroy me, but I won't let you lay even a finger on any of them. Not Nattsun, not Ran-Ran, not Ai-Ai, not Myu-chan, not Eli-chan, not anyone else."

Reiji lowered his hand and clenched one fist, his shoulders quivering with emotion.

"I'll allow myself to be disadvantaged this round, so don't worry about me filing any complaints. Now, if you'll excuse us, we need to tidy up this place so that the staff won't have too much a hassle, so it'd be best if you go."

With a heartbeat tortured and laced with a cadence of broken emotions, Reiji did his best to not tremble as his eyes remained on his two former friends who had complicated the situation to hurt rather than help, to ruin them rather than stay true to the words that they had publicly said onstage. Waves of memories that used to be warmth but was devoid of it now swept across his head like hollow voices, and he felt the pain amplify in his damaged soul like a blood-curdling scream. Spitting out a low curse, Kei snarled at Reiji, not a hint of regret or forgiveness in his eyes, and stormed towards the door, with Hibiki trailing directly behind him. However, just as he yanked the door open and held it there, Kei let out a condescending scoff.

"You are a helpless failure deserving of neither pity nor forgiveness."

He peered at Reiji over his shoulder, his eyes narrowed coldly as an icy shudder ran down the brunet's spine..

"The last laugh will not be yours. We freaking _swear_."

Camus sharply demanded for Kei and Hibiki to leave and with a dark sneer, the former let out a sarcastic laugh and left with his partner, the door falling to a tight shut behind the duo with a cold click. As soon as it did, Reiji felt like his body was on the verge of collapse, completely drained from the broken emotions and outcomes, his grey eyes staring blankly at the door that was not about to open anytime soon. Cold fragments of memories, thoughts and possibilities stabbed through his head like a downpour of needles and knives as he clenched his teeth in pain, absolutely uncertain where they should even begin, afraid of what would happen next week, very, very _terrified_ of the thought that this would end up burdening, affecting and breaking each and every one of his band members, his closest, dearest friends.

 _They've even dragged Eli-chan into this now... And they won't stop. They'll never stop until they see us break down before their very eyes, until they are satisfied and glad that they could shatter us into pieces, that justice is served, that I got what I deserved._ He clutched his head, gritting his teeth as everyone's agonized expressions flashed inside his mind like crying ghosts. _They want me to be helpless. They want me to be broken. They want me to be depressed and at the very centre of blame like the broken clown that laughed when all he wanted to do was scream his lungs out into the cold, merciless sea that drowned over and over again._

_They want me... to be rendered useless._

_Useless, burdensome, cowardly, everything._

_To let my friends down... just like I let Aine down._

He squeezed his eyes shut and clutched his head even tighter, now with both hands as his body trembled uncontrollably with a heart falling apart like a ruined melody.

_I can't let them fall apart. Not like how he did, not again. Please not again... I don't want to lose any of them, I can't, please-_

"... chan-senpai... Rei-chan-senpai? Rei-chan-senpai!"

A worried cry shattered through the darkness of his mind, causing his eyes to snap open and dilate. Natsuki was staring at him, his kind emerald eyes flooded with sheer anguish, his hands placed on top of the hands clutching his head. As Natsuki gave his hands a tight squeeze and slowly lowered their hands from his head, Reiji let out a shaky exhale and hesitantly turned his head around, the realization of what he had just done sinking into his mind in painstaking terror and agony like an abandoned light drowning in the deep waters. Genuine worry and pain had shattered through Ai and Camus' normally-stoic expressions and they were staring at him in silence as well, their eyes never leaving him. Horrified by what he had caused, Reiji turned again, only to find Ranmaru standing right behind him, his heterochromatic eyes looking down at him with sheer agony, and it was only now when the brunet noticed that there was a pair of calloused hands gripping his shoulders tightly. Shaking his head in abject guilt and shame, Reiji lowered his eyes, close to trembling, and uttered with a voice barely above a broken mutter.

"I... I'm sorry."

He clenched his teeth, his heart bleeding with open wounds and old scars.

"I really... wasn't trying... to be a burden." He hung his head, unable to speak with a clear, even voice no matter how hard he tried, his words faltering amidst cracks and trembles. "And yet... I can't seem to be of any use now. I don't know where to even begin to help, how to fix this for us, and I can't do anything right no matter how hard I try-"

A painful warmth was pooling behind his eyes as his body quivered.

"I... I am holding everyone back, I... I am just being _useless_ -"

His words was suddenly cut off when he was pulled into a pair of warm, kind arms, into an innocent, consoling hug. His eyes slowly widening as his heart quavered with emotion, Reiji tried to pull away, but the hands that had been on his shoulders held him in place, their grip not painful but firm enough to keep him where he was. _Nattsun, Ran-Ran..._ He heard footsteps approaching the three of them and within a few moments, a cold hand was placed on the back of his head and pressing his head onto Natsuki's shoulder while a smaller, gentler hand was running itself up and down his back soothingly, at a paced, rhythmic pattern. _Myu-chan, Ai-Ai...?_ He opened his mouth, unsure what to say or do in response to this, especially after he had just alarmed them with his inability to hold back his anguish, but another voice spoke first.

"You deserve to be kinder to yourself, Kotobuki."

Camus' quiet but earnest words shocked Reiji and he felt the emotions welling up within him even more as he shook his head in protest. "Myu-chan, that's not-"

"No, it is not untrue. What you did not deserve is being targeted by those two imbeciles for something that was not the slightest iota your responsibility or fault."

"But it's my fault that you're all hurt-"

"No, the blame ain't yours to bear," Ranmaru disagreed, his tone edged with disapproval. "What you deserve ain't that burden, but the fact that you can live with a bright and open heart. No matter what those punks say, you deserve people to be by your side. You deserve us. All of us."

"You deserve to live with sincere warmth as much as we do," Ai continued, his words as gentle as they were kind, "and even the painful times will be warm too as long as we walk beside one another, just like we always will."

"You deserve to smile, Rei-chan-senpai." Natsuki hugged him even tighter, his voice filled with delicate, warm emotions and true kindness. His words quivered a bit. "You deserve every bit of love, warmth and emotion that we can give you; you're our best, best friend, now and always. And none of what your former friends said about you is true at all. You are not a burden, Rei-chan-senpai, just like you told me I was not months ago."

"Neither are you doing everything wrong," Ranmaru added.

"Or holding any of us back," Ai spoke up.

"Or being useless," Camus remarked.

"G-Guys..." Reiji's voice cracked, barely audible.

"We do not have to work on the songs immediately," Natsuki told him, a warm smile clear in his gentle voice. "We will wait until all of us are ready, which includes you too, and when we all are, we will take one step at a time and walk through it all together. Little by little, gently and unwaveringly, like how the stars weave themselves together to form constellations, we will all reach towards the best that we can together and it'll all be okay. It'll be warm and okay, and it's because you, Ai-chan, Myu-chan-senpai, Maru-chan-senpai and I... We are here together. All of us."

"So stop beatin' yourself up, Reiji," Ranmaru told Reiji, a light grin heard in his voice. "Of all the people you should and could be beatin', it ain't yourself."

"You could never be anywhere near 'useless' to us, Kotobuki," Camus stated sternly, "for we need you as much as you need us."

"No member of this group is dispensable, and that evidently includes you."

"You're our comrade, friend and leader!" Ranmaru exclaimed. "We'd all be goners without you, ya know!"

"Yeap!"

A quivering gasp slipped through Reiji's lips, his eyes dilated as Natsuki's arms held him even closer, all four of his band members and closest friends remaining all around him, as though to say that they could and would protect him from anything, that they had the strength to and the heart with the unwavering want to. Unable to hold back the tears that had been pleading and threatening to fall in a deluge of brokenness and warmth like a spring shower any longer, Reiji let out a quiet sob and buried his face into Natsuki's shoulder, wrapping his own arms around the kind blond and squeezing him tightly as he silently let himself be enveloped in his dearest friends' warm kindness and selflessness. One sob became two, then three, and finally, a flood of countless more like a raindrop turning into a heavy downpour as he gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut, as warm tears fell down his cheeks and his friends held him even tighter and closer, their silence his solace, their words his light, their kindness his heartbeat's cadence.

_I can't disappear._

_Not into my own broken thoughts, not into the dark, not into the shadows of masks and lies, not because of anything, and definitely not away from them. Not when they matter to me more than anything and anyone. Not when they are the last people I'd ever want to lose. Not when... they love me as much as I love them, which is not something that I've always been on the receiving end of in terms of just about everyone._

_I'm the one... who'd have been a goner without you, all of you._

A weak smile was quietly formed on his trembling lips as his heart, amidst the layers and layers of cruel sadness and drowning fear, was touched and taken into an embrace of warmth and love, born from a deep, earnest bond that they would tell him over and over again that he deserved even if he thought he did not.

_And as all that I am to you... I won't ever fade away and disappear on you. That... you deserve from me... and more._

Natsuki Shinomiya

During the drive home, Natsuki gave Eli a call. Kei's words about Eli explicitly told them that he knew about the young boy and it immediately made Natsuki worried and afraid for his dear friend. Thankfully, however, Eli had not been approached by Kei and Hibiki, with the young boy stating that he only knew the two of them from the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT Round 3 live that he just watched with his parents and Yuuto. And when Natsuki gently warned Eli to please not trust either of them if they ever came to him for anything, with him and the senpais telling him about the duo targeting them and going as far as mentioning Eli, the little boy grew anxious and agreed in an instant.

"But despite that, I'm sure all of you will be able to illuminate next week's live with your hearts, just like you always do!" Eli encouraged, a bright smile enlightening his voice. Natsuki felt himself smile gently as Reiji chuckled while rotating the steering wheel. "I'll be voting too and even though I've yet to know what'll come, I'm sure I'll be giving my vote to you guys for every duel! My mom and dad are with me on this! So is Yuu!"

"You can count on us to bring life burning on the stage, kid," Ranmaru commented from his seat behind Natsuki. Looking over his shoulder, Natsuki beamed at the determination blazing in the silver-haired rocker's dual-coloured eyes. "We'll bring our A game fair and square even with those low moves made against us! Just you watch, Eli! This team will nail it!"

"For sure, Ranmaru-san, Natsuki-san, everyone!" Eli responded, his voice illumined with pure vibrance.

At the apartment, they had homemade curry for lunch and while seated at the living room, sipped drinks from their favourite cafe which were paid for by Ai, who earned the least points during yesterday's card games, and worked on their Round 3 songs. They chose to decide on the solo songs and trio song that they would cover. They knew that debuting new songs had a high likelihood of earning them more votes when compared to covering songs by other artists, but they agreed that the time was too constricting and that in regards of original work, they had to prioritize the mandatory group song with the theme of "disappearance." With all of them having their own personal collections of music, the discussion of which songs would be best was fluid and filled with contribution from everyone, although Natsuki often had to try and calm the bickering Camus and Ranmaru down when the three of them tried to decide on their song to cover.

"Reiji, as a solo act, has the disadvantage of being unable to harmonize with another singer while the trio unit of Ren, Tokiya and Masato are certain to create harmonies with one another throughout their song," Ai commented as Reiji played his chosen song. "However, to compensate for that handicap, you could pre-record your own background vocals at the studio for the live show. That way, you can self-harmonize and display an impressive range of vocals."

"This song has the ability to showcase the extent of your talents," Camus agreed, nodding in approval at the online music sheets of the chosen song. "The audience does not search only for perfection, but also emotional and vocal ranges, and this perfectly covers both aspects."

"You are going to be amazing in our live, Rei-chan-senpai!" Natsuki exclaimed, beaming brightly as he hugged Reiji tightly and Ranmaru tousled the brunet's hair with a wide grin. "The disadvantages that they gave you will not be able to stop you from brightening the stage like you always do, just like the brilliant star you are!"

"Yes!" Reiji cheered, laughing as his grey eyes lit up with sheer relief. "Thank goodness we've got this part cleared out! Big bro Rei-chan's gonna give this cover song all he's got, alright!"

"Yeap!"

Within less than an hour, all the songs for the first three parts of the duel against STARISH had been agreed upon unanimously and finalized. However, directly afterwards came the most difficult and excruciating part, which was the group song that was to centre around the theme of "disappearance", while STARISH already had the composition of their song given to them. Ranmaru muttered a few curses as the five of them silently contemplated over how and where to begin, over what approach to take, with all of them refusing to let Kei and Hibiki have their way with using this opportunity to taunt Reiji. Natsuki sipped his rose milk tea, the sweetness of the cold drink tingling on his tongue as he skimmed through his thoughts and options, his arms hugging his fawn plushie to his chest. They had to compose, write and practise the song to the point that they could perform it perfectly live within one week's time, and so if they could at least start composing now... they would be on track.

But they did not even know how to use the theme of "disappearance" without giving Kei and Hibiki exactly what they wanted.

Natsuki thought again and a sudden recollection flashed across his head, causing a quiet gasp to slip from his lips. His heart thumping hard against his chest, he quickly reached for his sling bag and unzipped it, searching for what his mind had told him to.

"Natsuki? Is everything okay?"

"I'm good, Ai-chan," Natsuki responded to the concerned voice of his best friend. "I just thought of something and I'm not really sure it'll work, but... I'd like to tell you guys what I have in mind." A bright smile illuminated his face when he found what he was looking for and he took out a yellow file folder from the bag. He carefully looked through the sheets of paper in the folder and his smile softened within a few seconds. "I found it."

He pulled out three particular music sheets and did one last check to see if they were the right ones, which they were, before facing Reiji, Camus, Ranmaru and Ai, who were facing him with confused and curious expressions.

"What are those, Nattsun?" Reiji inquired.

He gave them a light smile and spoke.

"I have actually been working on this for awhile and planned to give this to all of us as this year's Valentine's Day present, but... if this can help us now, I think it's best if we just use it now."

Natsuki rubbed the back of his neck with a shy smile.

"This is a song I composed for us, for QUARTET NIGHT."

Ranmaru's jaw dropped as Reiji, Ai and Camus' eyes widened in utter shock, all four of them staring at Natsuki in sheer disbelief. Letting out a quiet chuckle, Natsuki held the music sheets out to Reiji, who slowly accepted them and stared down at the first page with his expression still unchanged.

"It's not yet complete," Natsuki continued as Ranmaru leaned closer to Reiji who was sifting through the music sheets carefully. "I got the inspiration for it not long after I joined our band. I'd use my viola and try humming to play the melody, but I think that this song needs other instruments too."

The sheets were passed to Ai and Camus, and Natsuki felt his heartbeat thud with nervousness.

"What... do you guys think...?"

"Even as incomplete as it evidently is," Camus remarked, his eyes narrowed in concentration, "I can see the sheer potential amidst this song. It is clearly in QUARTET NIGHT's genre and consists of a melody that is as thrilling as it is suspenseful and enigmatic. which adds to a lingering effect for the audience to relish in."

"This works," Ranmaru spoke, nodding with his arms folded. "Natsuki's clearly got our typical genres covered along with the effects that the song are bound to produce. My only problem is the fact that we have to connect this composition to that sorry-excuse-of-a-theme that those two moronic punks threw at our faces."

"Yeap," Reiji agreed as Ai nodded, his grey eyes filled with genuine worry. "I agree with both Ran-Ran and Myu-chan. It'd be amazing if we could stick with this composition, but how do we fit that painful theme into this kind of song? Ke-chan and Hibikin will not hesitate to eliminate us if they think that we are not fulfilling the conditions."

"Any ideas?" Camus questioned, taking a sip of his Earl Grey milk tea.

"Wait a minute..." Natsuki uttered softly, the rules and conditions piecing themselves into place in his head, forming a bright realization. "Senpais, Ai-chan... I thought back to the announcements, from both the live stage and social media, and even though Kei and Hibiki chose the theme of 'disappearance' to hurt Rei-chan-senpai using what happened to Aine..."

His heart pulsated unsteadily in his chest as he faced all of them with eyes wide with realization.

"None of the announcements ever specified what _kind_ of 'disappearance' the theme was referring to."

"In other words..." Reiji began, his eyes widened in sheer astonishment as he stared at Natsuki, as though he could hardly believe it, "... we have complete control over how we use this theme in our song."

"OMG." Ranmaru gaped, and his expression soon transformed into a broad, proud grin. "So they left a big, gaping loophole for us to use to our advantage! We can write a song 'bout any kind of disappearance we want and those two hare-brained creative directors can't disqualify us 'cause they were too dimwitted to notice that they were too vague about the theme!"

Camus nodded with a satisfied smirk curled on his lips and Ai smiled sincerely as Ranmaru held a thumbs-up sign towards Natsuki with a widened grin.

"Nice one, Natsuki!"

Natsuki's heart brightened like sunlight was pouring out of it as his dearest friends smiled with earnest happiness and relief. A hand gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze and he turned to face Reiji, whose lips were curved into a warm smile, his grey eyes glistening with emotion, and the brunet pulled him into a big bear hug, whispering, "Thank you, Nattsun." Nodding with a light chuckle, Natsuki felt his lips soften into a gentle smile as he encircled his arms around his best friend, patting him on the back a few times. They pulled away after a few more moments and Reiji, with a bright smile, spoke.

"Now that things are lookin' real brighter than before in our favour..."

His eyes lit up like incandescent stars, just like the tone of his voice.

"Let's keep it up and continue breaking through, everyone!"

"Yeah, we're definitely-" Ranmaru froze, his heterochromatic eyes dilating in utter incredulousness. He glanced around at Natsuki, Ai and Camus, his expression asking if they had just heard what Reiji said, and within moments, Natsuki's eyes widened and realization seemed to dawn upon Ai and Camus from the expression in their eyes. Exchanging looks of mutual understanding, the four of them all shifted their attention back to Reiji, who blinked at them in utter confusion.

"What did I say?"

"Reiji."

A smile slowly spread across Ranmaru's face as Natsuki felt even more hope warm him on the inside.

"I think that you just came up with the keywords for our new song."

Reiji stared at all of them in utter shock, his mouth opened slightly as Ai and Camus smiled and Natsuki wrapped an arm around him. However, it did not take long for him to start beaming, asking for the four of them to explain, and with the same genuine smiles on their faces, they did exactly that. And from there onwards, the main song that they all were to sing during next week's live slowly but surely came together, fragments and pieces drawing closer and connecting to and with one another, words, emotions and music notes interweaving like delicate threads to form an inimitable melody, the five of their hearts beating together to bring to life a complete song that they and only they could sing the best that it could be sung.

And throughout all of it, the seconds, hours, minutes and struggles... they were smiling.

With an undying hope and faith for and in his dearest friends enveloping every part of his heartbeat with true warmth, Natsuki could not help the sincere smile forming on his face as he looked down at the music sheets in his hands, comforted by everyone's presence and togetherness. He could feel Reiji's left side pressed gently against him, the brunet's hand rested on his shoulder, and with a softer smile, he gave that hand a tight squeeze, warmed by the thought, _We are all going to be okay._

_We are all smiling with our hearts._

Giving Natsuki a gentle smile in return, Reiji proceeded to suggest adding more flair to the opening of the song, and across from him, Ai's expression was contemplating, but a serene smile was curved on his lips.

_Just like we deserve to._

???

"While Kotobuki-kun and his group are nothing short of a dysfunctional train wreck, Ichinose-kun and the rest of STARISH appear to be extremely calm and collected, their minds clearly focused on the task in hand."

Kei stroked his chin, his eyes glinting darkly.

"I think it is clear who'll emerge victorious during next week's decisive live. And not by a stiff margin, might I add."

Hibiki nodded in agreement, confident that he and Kei's plan was going precisely like they intended for it to. QUARTET NIGHT was clearly under pressure. Not only were they confined by the rules played against them, but because of how well the two of them had thought it all through, there was absolutely no way around the conditions that they could twist to gain the upper hand. If those five dared to neglect any of the conditions or break any rules, Kei and Hibiki definitely had no reservation in exposing them in front of the entire audience and live on camera, although even without them being told that mere fact, they should already be aware of it. Scrolling down his tablet, Hibiki studied the profiles of all of the STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT members, his eyes narrowed in concentration as Kei ordered the food and drinks for the both of them. The cafe was rather tranquil, and that was a word that definitely could not be used to describe what was bound to happen next week.

 _Everything has been set in motion_ , Hibiki thought, _just the way we desired for it to be. Reiji and his friends are powerless against us, regardless how they feel towards their given situation. Kei and I will soon bear witness to how those five will attempt to not make a complete fool out of themselves, although that is inevitable._

_And that's not all._

Hibiki raised his head from the tablet, only to find his partner skimming through old music sheets, a wistful expression in his normally-hostile yellow eyes, and he held back a pained sigh.

_On that day, we'll see what STARISH chose to do with that composition... and if they can sing it nearly as impeccably... as he did that day._

_"So when I hold you tightly without fear,_

_Why, why, why_

_Is it this warm?"_

\- "Itoshiki Hito e", by Reiji Kotobuki (Showtaro Morikubo)


	45. Graduation Song

Natsuki Shinomiya

"So I was right... Otonami and Katagiri did have ulterior motives in regards to their contribution to this project."

Ren's voice was grim.

"But all of you are well prepared for tomorrow, right?"

It was the night before the day of the STARISH V QUARTET NIGHT live show. Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus had been drinking hot lavender tea in the living room when Ren called Natsuki's phone and asked about them and their songs. With Natsuki's phone on speaker mode, Ren also inquired if Kei and Hibiki had a vendetta against any of the members as he said that he grew suspicious seeing three STARISH members being pitted against Reiji alone for one duel and the acute difference in difficulty between the two groups when it came to the group songs. Reiji was the one who confirmed it, saying that the two creative directors were targeting him due to personal history, which he did not elaborate on, and when the brunet spoke, Natsuki could see the deep pain etching his normally-blithe face, and it broke his heart a little.

"Sure are," Ranmaru answered, draping an arm around Ai as his lips formed a confident grin. "As much as those two threw a whole lot of trash at us, we pulled through as a team, and that's what matters most. We'll be sure to bring on the heat and fire and give ya all a contest to remember!"

"Our performance will be up to par with what we can do," Camus assured Ren with a calm face and voice. "That, we can promise you."

"We're all really looking forward to competing with you guys and watching your lives, Ren-kun!" Natsuki beamed as Reiji ruffled his blond hair with a bright smile and Camus' lips quirked upwards a little. "All the best to you guys tomorrow!"

Ren laughed heartily. "Right back at you, Shinomi, senpais." He paused for a moment and when he spoke again, there was a grin in his voice. "Say, if STARISH wins, can I teach Shinomi how to flirt-"

"In your freaking dreams!" Ranmaru yelled, glaring at the cellphone as Reiji burst out laughing and Ai shook his head with a sigh and narrowed eyes. "Oh and for your freaking information, Natsuki's alter ego has given his blessing to kill you if you ever corrupt Natsuki, you freaking blockhead."

"Aww, you senpais are so cruel," Ren said, pretending to sound hurt, and Natsuki chuckled. He laughed. "But at least let me give him a fake rose that he can use to practise. After all, fake roses last fore-"

"Farewell, Jinguji."

"What-"

Camus hung up after taking the phone from Natsuki's hand, a satisfied smirk curling on his lips after the call ended. Guffawing, Ranmaru smirked and gave Camus a thumbs-up sign as Ai sighed with an amused smile, Reiji chortled and Natsuki smiled and said that he felt bad for Ren. "There is no necessity to feel any form of guilt towards the fool attempting to tarnish your innocence, Shinomiya." Ren called again and Camus tapped on the button to end the call again. "Especially this persistent fool." Reiji grinned and squeezed Natsuki into his arms, prompting the blond to smile warmly and wrap an arm around his best friend as Camus took his teacup and sipped his tea calmly.

"But really, tomorrow's already here, huh?"

Ranmaru leaned back against the backrest of the red sofa, his arms crossed behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling.

"It'll be the first time we compete head-to-head against STARISH, and it ain't gonna be an easy fight."

"Hmm." Camus' eyes shifted over to Ranmaru. "Don't tell us you are scared, Kurosaki."

"Me, scared?" Ranmaru snorted, levelling an intense gaze onto Camus. "Dream on. As disadvantaged as we may be, we did not back down and ain't backin' down, and I look forward to wipin' the smug looks on those arrogant pricks' faces."

"The preparations are complete and the songs have all been finalized, with all factors accounted for," Ai remarked, his eyes focused on his laptop screen. "70% of the overall score is the scores from the guest judges and 30% of the total is determined by the voters. I have also done my research on the five guest judges handpicked by Shining-san and they have honest reputations." He closed the laptop and looked up at everyone with a small smile. "Therefore, I am more than 90% certain that besides our current handicaps, we will have no further hindrances."

"As much as we'd like for it to be 100, I guess more than 90 is good enough given the junk we've been through." He tousled Ai's teal hair, grinning as the younger boy gave him an annoyed look. "Thanks for the reassurance, Ai."

"We're all going to be okay," Natsuki said, smiling gently. He turned to Reiji and squeezed him on the shoulder. "And that includes you, Rei-chan-senpai."

"We are," Reiji agreed, nodding as his lips curved into a gentle smile and he pulled Natsuki closer to him. "To be honest, I was really terrified when we found out that Ke-chan and Hibikin would be involved in this round, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't the slightest bit nervous. But that being said..."

His grey eyes softened as he looked around at all four of them, crinkling with pure earnestness.

"We'll give it our all like we always do, together, and because of that, we'll be okay."

Beaming brightly, Natsuki squeezed Reiji into a tight hug as Camus, Ai and Ranmaru smiled and agreed. They were all extremely proud of Reiji. Their best friend who had remained strong and moved forward despite all that Kei and Hibiki had said and done to him. Who had done his very best for all of them while pouring every bit of his heart and soul that he could give like stars showering down the night sky like flowers. Whose hard work would be realized under the spotlight tomorrow as his pure brightness glowed and reached everyone's hearts, leaving a melody that could never and did not deserve to be forgotten.

_Even though the live show will take place in the afternoon, the stars will be glowing._

The night sky tonight was adorned with countless tiny silver stars, like an ocean of fairy lights, and even though the memory of Reiji burying his face into his shoulder as his body trembled with sobs and tears cracked his heart, Natsuki was reassured by the gentle serenity in the male smiling in his arms, and seeing him smile made him smile too.

_They will be glowing for you, for all of us._

Ai Mikaze

As he stood backstage in the right wing with his four band members, Ai could not help pondering over a particular thought that had been on his mind for quite awhile now.

What composition did Kei and Hibiki give STARISH?

If QUARTET NIGHT's restriction in regards to their group song was explicitly revealed for everyone to know, then STARISH's composition should have been revealed out in the open as well - at least a segment of it. However, not even a second of it was, even up to now as they waited for the host to give them the cue to reveal themselves to the worldwide audience. Ai inwardly expressed confusion towards himself, especially when he recalled Ren telling them that the two creative directors strictly prohibited them from divulging any part of the composition to anyone else, especially to QUARTET NIGHT, without any explanation in regards to why.

 _It could be a matter of further taunting_ , Ai thought as Camus looked down at his silver watch and Ranmaru, Reiji and Natsuki chatted in hushed whispers and mutters. _But even though that is the simplest possibility, although unreasonable by all means, I do not believe that it is that uncomplicated. Not that there is any use worrying about it now, as long as it does not affect any of us._

He let out a quiet exhale and on the corner of his lips, he could feel the existence of a slight smile.

_I'll try to relax for now. I believe in us, in QUARTET NIGHT, after all._

Reiji Kotobuki

_The voting's officially closed for the first three duels and the scores are still kept as a mystery._

Reiji looked down at his phone screen, which displayed the voting site for this live show. A faint smile curved on his lips.

 _But everything's gone real smoothly so far._ His heart was brimming with sheer excitement and relief. _So far so good, guys!_

Their extensive hours of discussions and practice sure had paid off and it showed throughout every second of the three performances that they had given to all those who were watching. From Reiji's low-octave singing and high-pitched vocals to the sheer power of Ranmaru, Natsuki and Camus' harmonization to Ai's heartwarming and angelic melody amidst everything that they had poured out of their hearts and souls, their lives had gone exactly like how they wanted them to go, and the crowd's tremendously warm and resonating applause accentuated the fact that this had truly been a group success so far. With all of them now seated in their greenroom and the television hung on the wall displaying a recap of Ai and Cecil's solo performances, Reiji felt his heart and muscles slowly unwind as he basked in the company of his dearest friends and the warm scent of English Breakfast tea that Natsuki was pouring from a yellow thermos into teacups for everyone.

_It's almost time for STARISH's last performance, their new group song._

As Ranmaru laid down on the blue sofa, his entire body's length extended from one end to the other, his arms crossed behind his head as his eyes were closed with mild satisfaction, Camus' ice-blue eyes were glued to the novel in his hands and Ai was looking up at the television screen with his arms wrapped around his blue penguin plushie, squishing its sides a bit. Natsuki was beaming up at the television screen, his eyes sparkling, and Reiji chuckled and draped his arm around the blond, anticipation forming in the pit of his stomach.

_Can't wait to see what Ren-Ren and the others came up with._

"Aijima surpassed my expectations."

Camus' deep voice broke the imperfect silence as the platinum-blond count set down his novel and elegantly took ahold of his teacup and saucer.

"His choice of song was one that was just as complex as Mikaze's in terms of vocal range. And he sang it without any major flaws."

"Every single one of them held their own on that stage," Ranmaru remarked, grunting. "Including that short kid, as much as I'd hate to admit it." He opened his eyes and frowned. "This is gonna be real tight."

Ai, Natsuki and Reiji all nodded in agreement.

"My prediction is that the group songs will be the deciding factor," Ai stated.

"Yep, I thought so t-"

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, we are down to the very last segment of today's intense, blazing competition between these two renowned idol groups!"

The host's loud voice interrupted their conversation and the five of them all turned their attention to the television screen, with Ranmaru pulling himself up into sitting position. The host, Midorima Teru, was standing at the centre of the stage, in front of velvety red curtains with an elated smile on his face.

"While the sub-unit songs also contribute to the final scores, the group songs hold 40% of the overall scores on their own, which is twice of the contribution of each sub-unit duel, so things are now starting to really heat up! Especially seeing how every single performance that has led up to this has been nothing short of brilliance!" Midorima exclaimed as the crowd's cheers rose like tidal waves. "Remember that the final voting poll will open immediately after QUARTET NIGHT's group song ends and that every single vote to your favourite idols count and are deeply, deeply appreciated!"

Midorima raised a fist into the air and beamed.

"So without further ado, please give a huge, huge round of applause to STARISH and their song 'New Morning'!"

"This is it," Reiji muttered as the crowd screamed, shouted and cheered, his heart stumbling in his chest. "This is what we're up against."

His band members all nodded and Natsuki tightened his arm around him, smiling slightly as his green eyes turned even more serious. Reiji nodded, the anticipation within him intensifying like a star's glare.

"Come on, STARISH."

Slowly, the red curtains were drawn away from each other, silently revealing the six STARISH members standing behind them one by one: Tokiya, Masato, Ren, Cecil, Syo and finally, Otoya. They were wearing matching outfits with the presence of their theme colours serving as the main differences. Their choice of attire was more chic than usual, with cravats wrapped securely around their necks, collared shirts that were azure for Ren, Tokiya and Masato and scarlet for Otoya, Syo and Cecil, loose and unbuttoned vests of their respective theme colours, black trousers, and white-and-black sneakers. The three eldest members - Ren, Tokiya and Masato - stood on the left side of the stage while the three youngest members - Cecil, Otoya and Syo - stood on the right, all six pairs of eyes closed, their backs straight, their faces meeting the audience. A few seconds of deep silence trickled by before Tokiya's eyes fluttered open, he took in a deep breath and let it resound throughout the arena, released it, and started singing.

His falsetto was impeccable and beautiful, conveying a cold beauty and elegance.

But within a few seconds of it...

Reiji froze.

_They couldn't have-_

As though to further amplify the utter shock and horror seizing his heart with their cruel coldness, as Masato's voice began to intertwine with Tokiya's, the sound of the piano travelled through the air into his ears, numbing the world around him even further as it confirmed his suspicions with a harrowing, echoing _click_ like a lock being snapped into place.

"No..." he mumbled, slowly shaking his head. "They couldn't have done this... Not to him. Not like this... I can't believe it..."

His hands slowly curled into fists and within a few moments, they were trembling along with his heart.

"They resorted... to _this_...?"

"What is it, Rei-chan-senpai?"

Letting out a quivering breath, Reiji tore his eyes away from the television screen and found Natsuki staring at him in sheer worry. Glancing around, he saw Camus, Ranmaru and Ai already facing him as well, and clenching his teeth, he shook his head a few times, emotions threatening to break him on the inside as he tried to speak as calmly as possible.

"That song's composition... That composition that Ke-chan and Hibikin gave STARISH..."

He clenched his fists even tighter, anger and anguish coursing through his blood.

"Ke-chan composed it, yes... but not for STARISH."

He gritted his teeth, unable to stop trembling as the words slid out of his mouth, his throat raw.

"That song... is _Aine's_." His voice was colder than ice, as broken as it was. "It's his graduation song."

Without waiting to see how his friends would react, Reiji hung his head and stared down at his trembling fists, unable to believe that his former friends would just _give away_ the composition of Aine's song for someone else to sing as their own, even if one of them had the legal right to.

"I know that those two gave STARISH a composition to give them an advantage over us," Reiji continued, his voice faltering with sheer pain amidst a storm of emotions and torture. "But I never would have thought that of all the things that they did, they gave that composition away. All for the sake of this twisted game of revenge and hate that they forced all of us into. How... How _could_ they? Just what on earth were and are they thinking...? Do they really think that this is going to make them happy? That Aine would have wanted this?"

He shook his head again, the song, even with how beautiful it was, piercing through his mind with the memories of his graduation from Saotome Gakuen all those years ago, of how Aine had sung the song with an open and white-winged heart, of his honest smile and voice lighting up the entire auditorium.

Of how he had poured his heart into this song written for him.

And yet now... it was used as a mere tool in this sick game.

Guilt, blame and anguish smothered his wavering heart like thick smoke as he lowered his eyes.

This... was just _ruthless_ , even for Kei and Hibiki.

Suddenly, a hand was placed on top of his right fist, squeezing it with warm tenderness. Fading out of the darkness of his head, his thoughts ceased for a moment as he quietly raised his head, only to find Ai standing in front of him, his teal eyes glimmering with concern, but also filled with assurance. "Ai... Ai...?"

"Reiji."

Ai nodded, his gaze unwavering, and spoke gently.

"Reiji, what Kei and Hibiki have done is unwarranted and incorrect in every perspective," Ai stated, "and frankly, one of the worst courses of action that they could have utilized against you. And cowardly, for that matter." Reiji's eyes slowly dilated. He knew that Ai was bluntly honest, but this was extremely harsh, even for him. "And it is not your fault. And this proves that they do not deserve to prevail in this perverted 'game'. That manipulating STARISH as an outlet by giving them the composition of Aine's song is not the slightest bit deserving of victory."

Ai squeezed his hands again, a little tighter than usual, his teal eyes glimmering with an encouraging smile.

"And that is precisely what we will all prove to everyone when we perform next. All of us."

"Yeap, Rei-chan-senpai."

With his left arm tightening around Reiji's shoulders, Natsuki gave him a warm smile and placed his right hand on top of Ai's left hand, his green eyes glistening with pure kindness and care.

"With all the emotions, memories and strength overflowing in our hearts, the five of us will give our song everything that we can, just like we did while piecing it together, just like we always do. All while holding onto one another and never getting go."

"With this unmatched and sincere unity," Camus proceeded, his tone even, stepping forward and placing his hand on top of Natsuki's, "as well as the sheer strength of our resonance and combined faith..."

"We are gonna put an end to their terror together," Ranmaru declared, placing his hand on top of Camus', his voice blazing with determination, "for we are all burstin' forth with every bit of fire in our souls."

His unwavering stare burned through Reiji like undying flames, as intense as it was powerful.

"For we are _breaking through_ , alright!"

Reiji stared at his four dearest friends, his heart overwhelmed by countless, immeasurable emotions that were warm, painful and threatening to bring tears flowing down his face all at once. They were right. They were all completely, wholeheartedly and absolutely right. Slowly, he placed the hand that was not below everyone else's on top of Ranmaru's and looked straight at everyone with the flames in his heart burning even brighter than before, filled with the colours and emotions that they had all given him with utmost sincerity. Letting out a shaky exhale, he gave them a resolute nod and spoke.

"Yeap, you guys are right. You guys are all right. We are breaking through together."

His lips formed a genuine smile that he hoped they could see reflected in his eyes too, and from the smiles that formed on all of their faces, he knew that they saw exactly that.

"And that is one thing that will never _ever_ disappear."

???

"They sang it perfectly."

Kei smirked in satisfaction, clapping as the audience burst into thunderous applause and the six members of STARISH bowed together on the brightly-lit stage.

"Kotobuki-kun and his band members do not stand a chance."

"True," Hibiki agreed with a slight smile, folding his arms, "which is exactly what we wanted. Let us see what kind of attempt they made to come up with a song worthy to be STARISH's opponent. I am rather curious, to be honest."

The two creative producers were sitting in their own private room, watching the live stream of the final segment of the STARISH V QUARTET NIGHT duel, in which STARISH just ended their group performance. Granted, the six males did not and could not sing the song quite like Aine did and could, but they had come up with resplendent lyrics to compliment the song and judging from the audience's wild reactions, it had clearly paid off. It was of no wonder STARISH rose to fame in such a short amount of time even as rookies - the blending of their voices and shared harmony were superb.

"Sure wish we could hear Aine sing it again, though," Kei mumbled, sadness filling his voice. "STARISH did an amazing job, but they could never surpass Aine."

"Kei..." Hibiki uttered, his heart clenching. He let out an inaudible sigh. "Yeah... me too."

Kei turned and gave him a sad smile.

"A-"

"And now, for the final performance of the day!"

The host's voice halted Kei and the two of them immediately shifted their attention back to the television on the glass table. On the screen was the host, Midorima, who was flashing a wide smile at the audience.

"Can this five-man group meet and exceed expectations? Or will they crumble under the fire of their fearsome opponents?" Midorima shouted into the microphone. "Give a big round of claps, cheers and shouts for the performers of the last song of the day, everyone! Give it up for QUARTET NIGHT!"

"Even though they somehow survived the sub-unit duels, they will _crack_ during this. I don't see things going any other way."

Kei narrowed his eyes, his tone no longer wistful, but leaking with nothing but cold resentment. Hibiki crossed his arms as Kei scoffed at the screen, behind which the audience was cheering in unorganized chaos, whereas the two of them did not offer even a single clap.

"And Kotobuki Reiji will finally get what he deserves... and be forced to _disappear_."

Natsuki Shinomiya

They were all in position by the time the curtains began to be pulled away from each other, just like they had practised countless of times at the studio.

The five of them stood in the darkness behind the curtains with equal gaps between one another, standing straight, their eyes facing the wall, their microphones worn over their right ears, in the order of Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru, Ai and Camus from their left to their right. They were divided into two sub-groups for the song - one consisted of Reiji, Natsuki and Ranmaru, while the other had Ai and Camus. While Reiji's sub-unit wore short-sleeved white shirts with black collars, Ai's sub-unit wore shirts with an almost identical design as Reiji's sub-unit's, except that theirs each had a pocket with lined in silver and a silver brooch at the front and while majority of the shirts was midnight-blue, the collars were white. However, with in addition to a few more differences like belts and other accessories, all five of them wore matching thin, dark blue ties with a few small horizontal red streaks, black trousers, and shoes that were either black or white regardless of which sub-unit they belonged to. They had prepared everything together, everything leading up to this very moment, and with sheer faith in everyone, Natsuki believed deep inside of his heart that they were ready.

 _I can hear my heartbeat thrumming from my chest throughout my soul_ , Natsuki thought, doing his best to remain calm and composed as the sound of the curtains being drawn filled his ears along with the warm cheers from the crowd. _I'm sure Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, Myu-chan-senpai and Maru-chan-senpai can feel their own too._

He let out one last quiet exhale as the curtains stopped moving, knowing without looking over his shoulder or turning around that their backs were directly facing the audience now, even if those watching still could not make them out amidst the darkness.

_Let's do this together, everyone._

"To disappear... Even saying the words brings a chill running down my spine."

Reiji's calm and serious voice resounded amidst the silence and darkness, and Natsuki nodded in his head, remembering this part.

"But even with that... there are certain disappearances... that are necessary for us to move forward, even just a little."

Out of the corner of his eye, Natsuki saw the white spotlight shooting through the blackness and flashing against Reiji, revealing the eldest member to the audience. And just like they had planned, Reiji looked over his shoulder and slowly and fluently turned his body completely to face the gasping crowd. Even though Natsuki could not really see his best friend's face, he knew that there was an unwavering, serious stare piercing in his grey eyes, thickening the thrilling, enigmatic atmosphere that the five of them had created and defined.

"Such as the disappearance of fear."

Another spotlight flashed against Ranmaru and he turned around as well, his deep, rough voice the next to speak.

"The disappearance of chains and constraints."

The next spotlight was brought to life and it was Camus' turn.

"The disappearance of the coldness of a cruel night."

The fourth spotlight fell upon Natsuki and without hesitation, he turned around until his entire body was facing the audience and their sea of glowing crimson, yellow, viridian, ice-blue and lilac light sticks, and spoke into the microphone.

"The disappearance of darkness and lies."

And finally, the fifth and final spotlight shone and Ai revealed himself, his voice as even as it was suspenseful.

"And of course, the disappearance of words of empty promises."

At the silent count to three in their heads, the five of them then spoke together to the audience.

"With this song born from the strength of our bond, we convey our deepest vow."

In perfect sync, the five of them extended their right hands towards the audience, their palms opened wide, and clenched them tightly, and at that very moment, the darkness was wiped out of existence, with brilliant colours bursting forth like the strength of their connected hearts, and they announced with united voices:

"This is the song of our vow! This is _'The dice are cast'_!"

Ai Mikaze

_"Ready,"_

_"Set,"_

_"Go!"_

_"With you"_

"The dice are cast" was a song that used the themes of a casino as metaphors in a dark, thrilling romance. With more than half of the composition already completed by Natsuki before he revealed it to them, all five members of QUARTET NIGHT were able to begin coming up with ideas for lyrics while piecing together the remainder of the composition. With the base of the lyrics' inspiration revolving around the phrase "breaking through", they were able to connect ideas of disappearance to the song with the lyrics as subtle metaphors hinting at the given theme without ever explicitly saying the word, leaving their opening monologue to do the direct stating. And thanks to everyone's sincere efforts and efficiency, they managed to squeeze in the time to come up with and practise new dance moves exclusively for this song, knowing that the judges would also score them based on aesthetic.

_"Your lip gently kissed"_

_(Dancing heart)_

_Even trembling, it's so precious!_

_(Yes, dancing heart)"_

The main colours of their outfits were black and white, the two classic, polarizing colours seen on a typical six-sided dice. Starting off the song after the intro were Reiji, Natsuki and Ranmaru, with solos and harmonizing parts. In contrast to the clear sentimentality and sadness that the five of them had displayed in most of their main unit songs, here they were to sing in such a way that it exuded an aura of fluid mystery, underlying intentions and complexity, and bone-chilling suspense that was to slowly but gradually intensify as they approached the chorus. All three aforementioned males sang with low, almost-hushed voices into the microphone and there was a common dip in their tone that they had all practised and perfected, like a subtle, unspoken drop in the dark. Here, with a double-edged theme in their complete control, they were using the sheer vagueness and irony of it to their advantage, from the colours of their attires to the lyrics and melody of the song to every other alterable aspect.

_"That continuous deep trip"_

Ai sang fluently, allowing a hand to gently settle on the right side of his chest.

_"Dancing heart"_

Reiji, Ranmaru and Natsuki harmonized together, their emotions intertwined in a resonating silence, and it was followed by Camus' line and the blond pulling the hand that had been covering his right eye away:

_"Time and time again, it's my favourite!"_

And then came the part directly before the chorus, which, to them, was also known as the first part that, amidst the main meaning of its lyrics, also served to implicitly signal a warning, cryptic message at two particular creative directors who were guaranteed to understand it once they heard the words:

_"There are no rules from the start!"_

Reiji and Natsuki sang their declaration, their dancing drawing them closer together before they exchanged slight but sincere smiles.

 _"I'll take it all!"_ Ranmaru sang next, his eyes narrowed into a subtle smirk.

 _"My dreams and my love, I won't hold back!"_ Ai hid a smile in his chest, the emotions within him intensifying towards what was to come.

 _"I won't let you go!"_ Camus smirked with a dark note.

 _"Romantically,"_ Reiji, Natsuki and Ranmaru sang, giving sideways glances at one another.

 _"Dramatically,"_ Ai and Camus proceeded, covering their eyes with their own hands as their bodies fluidly followed the rhythm.

 _"Feel my love to the tip of your toes!"_ the five of them all sang, their voices uniting as one.

_Now._

_"Breaking through! See, the times are changing!"_

As the audience broke into thunderous applause blazing with cheers, the five of them, now positioned in the same initial straight line, sang with an unwavering, powerful harmony, their voices entwining into one, dancing in perfect sync with rhythmic fluidity without the need to turn to one another. This was their declaration, their vow, their oath, to everyone, especially one another. With this chorus, the five of them all unravelled the same utmost desire to break through the painful times, shattering them like glass with every ounce of strength in their hearts, altering and changing them for one another.

And the moment to do so... was right here and now.

_"Surely in this moment now!"_

Amidst the surging strength of this chorus. And regardless of anything, no one could stop them.

_"Breaking through! Searching for the reason,_

_Tonight, this forbidden practice_

_As punishment... You made me serious"_

The moment everyone discovered what Kei and Hibiki had done all this time to Reiji, the two of them had stepped across a vivid red line and initiated a war that they should never have started with the five of them. Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus were anything but apathetic towards this twisted situation, not even by the slightest iota. They were serious when they declared that they were not holding back at all, that they would put everything on the line for one another, even when beaten down, even when disadvantaged by such ruthless and low methods. With sheer, earnest emotions swelling and rising in his chest like a flower with flames as its petals, Ai smiled, letting his soul soar freely amidst this shared melody, as his arms and legs moved with heart.

_"A dream far grander than anything else,"_

The five of them glanced at one another, their eyes and lips conveying the exact same sincerely determined smiles, and Ai was suddenly reminded of how much he earnestly treasured this group and felt privileged to be with them. He thought of Natsuki's kind and warm smile, Ranmaru's crooked grin, Camus' mischievous smirk and Reiji's bright laughs, and how all those little things had taken up the deepest places of his heart to the point that it was almost overwhelming. As the warmth of them and their memories blossomed in his heart, he, along with the four people standing beside him, looked straight at the audience and exclaimed:

_"The dice are cast!"_

_Kei and Hibiki may have given the composition of Aine's graduation song to STARISH, but as far as the five of us are all concerned..._

Ai's smile turned a little gentler as the instrumentals played, with it just being a matter of mere seconds until it was Reiji's cue to sing again, his heart pulsating unsteadily but with a true happiness that he would never regret being given.

_This... is our graduation song. A graduation of the soul, a graduation defined by the two simple but powerful words... "breaking through"._

Camus

_"Once reflected in the glass,_

_(Dancing heart)_

_I can be bold_

_(Yes, dancing heart)_

_Misting over with my breath,_

_(Dancing heart)_

_Tracing a message"_

One of the main parts of his band's newest song that particularly stood out to Camus was undoubtedly this segment - the first stanza that came directly after the first chorus. He quite liked projecting the imagery presented within those lines, whether as moving images or in the way that they sang it clearly for all those who were listening to hear. The five of them had agreed that there were to be visuals of the metaphors of the song to be played on the bright, spacious screen behind them, and with the help of Shining's trusted cameraman, Tamaki, and his crew, they were able to create physical imagery worthy of being displayed during this live utilizing what finite time they had.

As he performed, the images flickered in his head along with each of the lyrics that they were associated with:

Reiji staring at his reflection on the cold glass with entranced eyes as Natsuki stared at the same glass from the opposite side with his eyes tight with pain, neither noticing the other;

Ranmaru opening his heterochromatic eyes to reveal burning courage within them and staring straight into camera;

Ai letting out a quiet exhale and allowing his breath to mist over the glass;

and Camus calmly tracing the word "disappear" on the misted surface.

All before the image of five dices - crimson, viridian, yellow, lavender and ice-blue - were rolled on the green poker table, all revealing the number 5, the number of the people belonging in their group.

_Katagiri, Otonami, you fools thought that we would have folded our cards by now, did you not?_

As Camus swung his arms in identical movements as his band members were, he inwardly smiled in satisfaction, knowing very well that this twisted gamble was approaching an end. They were nearing the final chorus and formed an imperfect circle with one another at the centre of the stage, their hearts relaxing and contracting rapidly, their emotions blending into this symphonic melody.

_Well... if you asinine scums listened closely to this message..._

Camus smiled as he found all four of his band members who had become the most precious people to him smiling sincerely, their eyes meeting one another's. And one by one, they sang their parts while never taking their eyes off one another, and as they did, they began stacking their right hands on top of one another's.

_You should know that we never entered this 'game' with the intention to give in._

_"Now..."_

They pressed their hands downwards against one another's and their voices amplified as one unity:

_"They overlap and blur together"_

In the blur of the moment, with the audience erupting into another frenzy of wild applause, the five of them sprinted back to their initial positions - that straight line with equal gaps and the exact same order - and shifting their stares back to the masses of people, sang the final chorus, unleashing every spark of passion, emotion and spirit flowing and burning within them like fire and water. Within each crevice of his own pulsing heart, he knew that with each and every second until the very end, not a single one of the people standing on this glowing stage, himself included, held back even a drop of emotion.

_Thus, this... is where we leave our eternal mark._

The moment the last syllable was sung, Camus felt his chest heave up and down at a quickened, inconsistent pulse, inhaling and exhaling while mostly maintaining his normally-placid composure. However, at that exact same juncture, the crowds that had congregated for this very occasion rose and broke into uncontrollable, tumultuous applause that surpassed even that during their song's first chorus. Camus turned and saw his dear friends' expressions shining with the same exhilaration, surprise, joy and relief that he felt, and letting out a sigh of satisfaction, he allowed himself to smile an earnest smile.

A small chuckle rumbled from his throat as he placed his left hand on Ranmaru's back and his right arm around Natsuki's shoulders, just a moment after they bowed deeply to the audience and Reiji and Natsuki pulled all of them into a tight bear hug..

_The mark... that ultimately seals the deal._

Reiji Kotobuki

"And now... the moment that this fearsome competition's been building up to song by song, beat by beat..."

Midorima grinned, his voice escalating with sheer elation.

"It's time to reveal the winner of this STARISH V QUARTET NIGHT duel!"

The crowds cheered at the top of their voices, screams, shouts and cheers reverberating throughout the arena as all eleven Shining Stars stood on the glowing stage, with STARISH on the left side and QUARTET NIGHT on the right, and the host was at the centre like always. Standing in the middle of his group, Reiji looked around at all of his four closest friends and saw them facing him with reassuring smiles. Natsuki reached out and gave him a gentle squeeze on the shoulder, whispering, "We'll be okay," and with a nod, Reiji returned the smile and squeezed the blond's hand.

"Yeap."

"Oh, what on earth is this? This... this is just unbelievable!"

Midorima's eyes were dilated in utter astonishment as he stared down at the tablet in his left hand.

"One group has swept away the competition with an overall score almost twice of their opponents'! It's just _utterly insane_!"

Reiji's eyes dilated as his heart froze in his chest, gasps and cries of shock overtaking the tense atmosphere. _The margin is that huge? Oh God..._ Beside him, surprise cracked through even the calm Ai and Camus as Natsuki and Ranmaru stared at Midorima in utter shock, with STARISH glancing at one another in sheer confusion and disbelief. _From all that's been shown, everyone did so well and clashed with everything they had, so how...?_

His heart clenched in his chest as his breathing faltered a little.

_How... and who won...?_

"But without further ado, I shall announce the victor of today's amazing duel between the two talented idol groups!"

As the crowd fell into hushed silence overflowing with thick tension and anticipation, the host glanced at the panel of judges seated directly in front of the stage, as if seeking permission and confirmation. The eldest judge gave him a brief nod without a second of hesitation, prompting Midorima to look down at his tablet, let out a deep exhale, and speak loudly and clearly.

"The winner of this decisive live, with a tremendous margin from their opponents, is..."

His face broke into a wide smile and he swung his arm to one side, his voice rising to match the elation in his black eyes.

"QUARTET NIGHT!" he shouted.

Reiji could not help the loud gasp slipping from his lips as he saw the arm extended towards his group's corner of the stage and heard his band's name shouted out for all the world to hear. _W-Wait... we... we_ won _?_ Reiji blinked a few times, wondering if he was dreaming as confetti burst into the arena's atmosphere with vivid colours and glitter and the crowd rose into voluminous cheer, chanting and shouting out QUARTET NIGHT's name over and over again. But he was still here and the noises and images did not fade away even a little. Even though it all seemed so surreal...

This was reality.

After all the tears, struggle, anguish and fighting... they had won the duel.

Reiji, Natsuki, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus had won as a group, as QUARTET NIGHT.

Even when the thought of winning made his heart squeeze in fear and worry so, so tightly.

Even when he had nearly broken down in that greenroom.

They poured out all their heart, soul and spirit...

Reiji's grey eyes remained dilated as his heart quivered violently in his chest.

And they prevailed. They really did.

"Rei-chan-senpai!"

He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder tightly and pulled out of his own thoughts, Reiji turned and saw Natsuki beaming brightly at him, his green eyes glistening with pure relief and joy under the colourful stage lights.

"We did it, Rei-chan-senpai!" Natsuki cried, his voice trembling with emotion. "The five of us won together!"

"Sure did!" Ranmaru joined in, his lips spread into a crooked grin as he ruffled Natsuki's blond hair with a gloved hand. "Like the lyrics we just sang, we broke through those painful times together, and it all freaking paid off, alright!"

The silver-haired rocker gave Reiji a light punch on the shoulder and his grin widened.

"It seems like a dream right now, but this is real, alright! It's real, got it?"

"We prevailed, Reiji."

Ai took Reiji's free hand into his own, interlacing their fingers together, and squeezed it softly.

"That is why the confetti falling above us look so bright with their vivid colours."

"Indeed, Mikaze."

Camus nodded, his arms crossed over his chest, his ice-blue eyes reflecting a genuine smile.

"Indeed is this our bright reality that we have rightfully earned together."

Ai, Natsuki and Ranmaru nodded in unfaltering agreement and Reiji felt a lump rise in his throat as warm tears threatened to break free and spill from his widened eyes, the cheers, cries, confetti and brightness seemingly blurring around the five of them from his viewpoint. _If they are really here and telling me that this is real, then it is._ Slowly taking in a deep, albeit trembling, breath and releasing it into the frenzy of colours and noise, Reiji felt his lips relax into a warm smile that his heart embraced wholly as he squeezed his best friends' hands before the five of them all turned to face the audience as well as opponents.

_Because the four of them... are the people who would never lie to hurt me._

Although there were disappointed and frustrated expressions on a number of the STARISH boys' faces, Ren, Cecil and Otoya were clapping and cheering for the five of them from their side of the stage, with Ren smiling proudly at them and eventually giving them a thumbs-up sign. And the crowds gathered around and beyond the stage continued to cheer, their voices undying, as though it was their way of simultaneously congratulating them and stating that they truly deserved to win, that this was no fluke. Exchanging smiles with one another, Reiji, Natsuki, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus stood together and bowed deeply at the audience, and it prompted another rise in their thunderous cheers.

_This isn't a lie._

His heart was pulsating with relief and exhilaration as well as the energy and spirit radiating from everyone around him, but more than anything, it was beating with a deep and warm smile intertwined with its heartbeat. Immediately after they raised their heads up, Reiji pulled them all into a tight hug, a bright smile spread across his face.

_It'll never be. Not with you guys here with me._

...

After changing into casual wear and gathering their belongings, the five of them left their greenroom and walked in the empty corridor together, their chatter and laughter echoing throughout the expanse like their footsteps were. They had talked about what they wanted to do and where they wanted to go and reached a mutual agreement with smiles on their faces. Evening had begun and they were famished from their live performances, so they would start with having hotpot at Reiji's favourite hotpot restaurant. Then they would buy hot drinks from a cafe that Camus had recommended and drive to their favourite river at which they would stargaze and rest on picnic blankets with no one but one another. They would also play cards together, in which they may or may not have another exhilarating bet, and maybe let their voices ripple into the nightscape with the melody of their own songs. As they exchanged smiles and laughs, with Natsuki's arm draped over his shoulders gently, and he thought of all that they were going to do together, Reiji smiled earnestly, his heart truly warm.

But at the same time... he knew that pain was coming their way.

He knew that their exit from this building was not going to remain this serene. That they would not leave without running into two particular people who had attempted to ruin him and his group. From the deepest part of his heart and gut, he could sense it approaching, like a shadow creeping through the light of an earnest glow. Even as he wished that it did not, that the pain ended with that competition which had been twisted into a ruthless game of revenge and anguish.

That the last of those shadows was back in that spotlight and remained there, never to chase after them and hurt them again, especially not his dearest friends.

Yet he would be lying if he said that the warmth around him was being killed by the shadows following them, if he said that he was not happy. If-

" _Kotobuki_."

A cold but clear voice sliced through the air like a knife cleanly through thin ice, and he froze, his heart squeezing tightly in his chest. _I knew it._ Everyone immediately stopped talking and with the arm wrapped around him tightening a little, Reiji turned around and with an unsurprised yet pained heart, saw exactly whom he had been expecting to show up eventually, ready to send him through another turmoil of relentless torture. Kei and Hibiki stood a few feet away from Reiji and his friends, the latter's face unimpressed, the former's eyes burning with sheer resentment. Reiji could only stare as they enclosed the distance between them and the group, with Ranmaru's low growl barely reaching his ears as he did his best to not clench his fists, memories whirling and flickering inside his head like a storm of broken headlights. Out of the corner of his eye, however, he saw Ai narrow his eyes as Camus' expression turned harsh.

_Guys..._

"You blasted coward."

Kei spat the words, his tone leaking with venom.

"We recall you all getting so worked up about the theme your group song was supposed to follow to the point that we almost got punched in the face 'cause you knew exactly what we wanted. So what on earth is with the way you used that assigned theme?"

He gritted his teeth, narrowing his eyes.

"You all deserved to be _disqualified_ for that."

"We cannot fathom your accusations towards us when the announcements never specified what kind of 'disappearance' that you wished for us to create a song about."

Camus' response was as sharp as it was cold, the glint in his ice-blue eyes matching his tone.

"All that was mentioned was that the theme of our song was to be 'disappearance'. Nothing more and nothing less, and we adhered to it, which is exactly why no one, not even the head judge, objected to our victory." He let out a cold scoff. "I highly suggest that you recheck your facts before shamelessly accusing us, you insolent scums."

"But like I just said," Kei snapped, "you freaking knew-"

"Your argument is pointless," Ai stated bluntly, cutting Kei off mid-sentence. "Setting that aside, if you are willing to initiate a discussion over what is deserved and what is not, we are all in agreement that the two of you deserve to be dismissed from your positions for the subterfuge that you utilized against us for the mere intention of hurt."

He took a step forward, his eyes staring with cold calmness at both Hibiki and Kei.

"That includes giving the composition of Aine's graduation song to STARISH to use in this competition as part of your act of revenge."

"Wait, you know-" Hibiki's eyes widened and his eyes snapped over to Reiji, his voice betraying incredulousness and vexation. "You told them, Reiji? You seriously told them-"

"The point is not whether or not I told them," Reiji interrupted his former friend, the emotions that had threatened to break him before QUARTET NIGHT's group performance flooding back like a tsunami at full force. The anguish, anger and betrayal all poured down his heart like a deluge of shards and tears, piercing and quivering through him all at once as his voice amplified even though it was still calm for the most part. "How could you give Ke-chan's composition for Aine away to STARISH like that? How could you be willing to use that composition against us in this mess that you forced us all into?"

"Reiji-"

"That is not how to settle the pain between us and you should know that! This..." He clenched his teeth before staring straight at both of them and exclaiming, "This has gone way too far! This is not what any of us wanted! This is not what _Aine_ would wanted either!"

"Then why didn't you stop it, huh?" Kei shrieked, his yellow eyes blazing with deep resentment. "If you know what we all want, then why did you not stop it with your own two hands like the hero you think you can be, huh, Kotobuki? Before you pin the blame on anyone else, blame it on yourself, you coward! And you think you're oh-so-righteous that you can bring his name into this..."

"Before you say anymore trash, you dimwits had better-" Ranmaru demanded.

"You really earned being deserving to disappear, you murderer!" Kei shouted, his voice escalating with sheer rage.

"Leave him alone!" Natsuki cried out, his green eyes dilated with sheer anguish as he stared at both Kei and Hibiki. "The competition is over, so please accept all that happened and stop hurting him and all of us for this!" His voice cracked, but the emotions were all deep with resolution. "Stop hurting all of us!"

"And _you_." Kei turned on him, his eyes glowering without a shred of forgiveness. "QUARTET NIGHT would have fallen apart if not for you. We checked the credits of the composition and saw that it was you who wrote most of it. You, the prodigy who has so much unrealized potential and yet is wasting it on this group, on these people led by a coward wearing a deceitful mask of smiles and laughs."

"I wrote what I did in that composition for all five of us," Natsuki spoke, his voice quiet but firm. His eyes were still filled with hurt, but also serious. "And the reason we did not fall apart is because we cared for and looked out for one another just like we always have, including now-"

"And you will end up being destroyed because of him."

At the sound of Hibiki's crisp yet cruel words, Reiji's eyes dilated in sheer agony as Natsuki shook his head in deep anguish and disbelief.

"No, I will not! How... How could you say-"

"Because it's the truth, you imbecile!" Kei snapped, flames smouldering in his eyes. He jabbed a finger directly at Reiji's chest while keeping his eyes locked coldly with Natsuki's widened ones. "That day, Aine freaking called Reiji and the guy did not bother picking up! Aine needed him and he was not there! Reiji Kotobuki caused his own best friend to _disappear_. Reiji Kotobuki destroyed Aine with his own two hands and it's only a matter of time before he does the same to you, Shinomiya!"

"No, he will not-"

"He doesn't deserve you!" Kei shouted, almost hysterical. "He doesn't deserve _anyone_!"

"Shut up with the freaking lies, you punk!" Ranmaru yelled, his voice raised with sheer fury.

"How about you shut up and-"

"Ke-chan, Hibikin, I think that we all should stop right here and-"

"Don't you dare think you can go ordering us around!"

Kei turned on Reiji, dark contempt and hatred overshadowing his eyes even more, and deep inside himself, Reiji could feel a painful shudder run down his spine.

"Ke-chan-"

"Get lost and die already!"

Without any warning, Kei swung a fist at Reiji's face, and the latter's heart froze as his body was paralyzed. However, before the blow could be felt, Reiji was suddenly yanked by the arm and spun around, and that was when the cold impact resounded dully in his throbbing eardrums. Except that he could not feel any pain. His eyes slowly widened in anguish and terror as he turned around and saw Natsuki shielding him with his back facing Kei and Hibiki, his lips contorted into a slight wince as his hand tightened around Reiji's arm. He had taken Kei's punch on the back. _Nattsun-_ Natsuki clenched his teeth and spun around, and in the blur of the moment, he had intercepted Kei's attempt to land another direct blow on him, grabbed the older man's wrist, and pushed him away without restraint. Hibiki's gasp was heard as Kei staggered backwards and fell heavily onto the floor after losing balance, the dull thud reverberating deeply in the thick atmosphere.

"The warning that I gave you the day we met was my last warning, just like I said then."

Natsuki's voice was quiet but unwavering and thick with unspoken emotion as he looked straight at Hibiki and Kei, his green eyes holding an expression of unusual solemnity with tints of underlying sadness and pain, and it was as unsettling as it was heart-wrenching to Reiji. Reiji felt his heart throbbing unsteadily as he noticed that Ranmaru and Camus had stepped in front of Reiji, Natsuki and Ai, quietly threatening Kei and Hibiki to not come any closer to them, with two arms placed in front of the three of them protectively.

"We said all our last warnings then," he continued, his voice remaining unchanged, other than the fact that it was becoming stronger, "but instead of truly understanding it and leaving us alone, you used this project to hurt all of us. You used the song meant for Aine, you used STARISH, you used everything that you had the power to... all just to hurt and ruin every single one of us, especially Rei-chan-senpai, no matter how much pain could not be undone, no matter what it took, no matter how much the five of us mattered to one another. And that..."

He slowly shook his head and his hand that was now curled around Reiji's shoulder was quivering with emotion.

"That... is something that neither of us... can ever accept, regardless of anything, regardless what you think or say. And it does not matter whether you believe it or not, but I promise you this."

His hand tightened around Reiji's shoulder as his kind green eyes hardened a little.

"We will not hesitate to do anything to be there and protect one another," Natsuki asserted, his quiet voice deep with resolution, "even if it means pushing past our limits. So I sincerely suggest that both of you leave all of us alone before you cause anymore sadness or grief."

As though an unspoken agreement had been made the moment Natsuki said his last syllable, Ranmaru and Camus both turned around to face Reiji, Natsuki and Ai and the five of them began to walk in the direction of the elevators, away from Kei and Hibiki. Even though Natsuki did not say a word as they walked, Reiji could hear the younger blond slowly let out a shaky exhale, as though he had been keeping the tremors within his throat as he confronted Kei and Hibiki, and feel the hand on his shoulder quivering even more violently now. His heart squeezing painfully in his chest, Reiji looked up at his best friend and saw him already looking down at him, his green eyes tortured with anguish but holding a genuine promise that silently said:

_I meant every word._

_Sincerely._

When they reached the elevators, Ranmaru punched the Down button, causing its rim to light up in a vivid red, and fell back against the dull grey wall. Camus crossed his arms with a deep sigh as Ai turned to Natsuki and Reiji, the teal-haired boy's eyes glimmering with concern, no longer cold.

"You guys..." Reiji barely managed to speak, his voice nearly inaudible, "you didn't... you didn't have to-"

Before he could finish, the hand holding him suddenly pulled him to one direction and he found himself being hugged from behind, with his back pressed against a warm and firm chest, a pair of arms wrapped tightly around him. His eyes slowly dilated with emotion as his heart quavered. "Nattsun-" He was cut off yet again when another pair of hands was placed on top of Natsuki's on his stomach and pressed them against him gently, tightening the hug a little. Ai was standing in front of him now, his teal eyes gentler than majority of the time that Reiji had known the boy, the expression on his face almost delicate. Pressed between his two closest friends, Reiji felt the emotions near overflowing like a thousand tears as he thought back to the last seven days before this very moment. There were so many things that the four of them did not have to do and yet did so without even a flicker of doubt or hesitation.

They did not have to hold Reiji until he was okay.

They did not have to promise to do everything they could to protect one another, including him.

They did not have to let him cry.

They did not have to do everything they were capable of doing, including pushing past their limits, to fight for him and defend him.

Yet here they were, waiting in front of the elevator, with the four people around him having done all those aforementioned things for his sake and still looking out for him at this very moment. And it suddenly occurred to Reiji that of all the kinds of hugs that Natsuki gave anyone, back hugs were the rarest of them all. Back hugs were hugs that represented both trust and protection. They were one way of saying that you were more than happy to protect them from anything, that you would regardless of anything, without the need of any words to be said. And here Natsuki was, embracing Reiji from behind, his arms as tight as they were kind, warm and precious all at once, and the brunet felt tears welling up inside his eyes as he heard his best friend's soft yet rhythmic heartbeat from his chest. And Ai did not let go of the hands on his stomach as Camus and Ranmaru watched over them with unspoken emotions in their eyes.

When the elevator doors groaned and slid heavily apart, Reiji half-expected Natsuki and Ai to release him, but they did not. Instead, they carefully led him into the elevator, with Camus holding the metallic doors open from inside and Ranmaru giving Reiji a light push on the shoulder. And as the doors slowly fell to a tight close, Reiji felt himself let out a heavy exhale that he did not know had been constrained in his chest, fell back into the hug, and allowed his lips ease into a warm smile close to dissolving into tears.

"Sincerely."

The syllables quietly trickled out of his lips, almost fragile like glass and yet were incredibly precious. Placing his left hand on top of Ai's and palming his right hand onto Natsuki's shoulder, he squeezed tightly and faced everyone, a lump in his throat, his chest holding a heart embraced by them and their emotions, by the fact that they stood by him no matter what was said or done. And that they meant every bit of it.

"Sincerely."

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Are you afraid, Natsuki?"

Ai tilted his head up to face Natsuki, his teal eyes soft with understanding.

"From the pulse in your wrist, I can feel a quiet unsteadiness in your heartbeat."

"I am, Ai-chan," Natsuki admitted quietly, nodding a little. "Everything that has happened, with all the thoughts that have been flashing in my head, has only made me even more scared for him amidst the emotions in my heart. I just hope that right now, what he is dreaming of is warming his heart on the inside."

He squeezed Ai's hand softly and they smiled down at their best friend, the serene air filled with their quiet, even breaths along with light, even snores.

"And even if he isn't dreaming of anything, I hope that he is still smiling with his heart. I really do."

On the king-sized bed in the bedroom, Reiji was peacefully asleep, his body facing the right, his eyes fallen into a gentle close with his lips parted into a faint smile. He had fallen asleep on the brown sofa in the living room area while the five of them were chatting over tea, so Natsuki had carried the smaller brunet in his arms into the bedroom and with help from Ai, tucked him into bed. Thus, now Reiji's head was settled on a fluffy pillow and most of his body was under the viridian quilt while his arms were hugging his star plushie. Quietly giving each other a gentle smile, they proceeded to help him a little more, with Natsuki pulling the quilt up a bit while Ai tucked a loose strand of brown hair behind Reiji's ear. Even amidst the white serenity, memories of all the nights in which Reiji had been tortured by his dreams, his body quivering violently, warm tears streaming down his face, his voice cracking painfully, shattered through his head like stained glass reflecting a cold nightscape.

_We want... to always protect you._

With a sad smile curling on his lips, Natsuki carefully reached out and placed a hand on top of Reiji's shoulder, hoping to give him at least a little more warmth.

_We hope that you always hold onto and embrace that fact... even in your coldest dreams._

"It's the most peaceful that I've seen him sleeping ever since this year began."

Natsuki whispered softly as Reiji shifted slightly.

"I hope it stays that way tonight and then tomorrow night and the night after tomorrow night and so on."

He looked up at Ai and smiled sorrowfully as memories trickled inside his head like moonlight seeping through broken glass, with one of the clearest images being Reiji choking on his sobs as he curled within himself, warm tears streaming down his cheeks.

"It hurts so much thinking of how he suffers in his dreams and the memories of him waking up with tears in his eyes. Of how much his past keeps hurting him so much when he never deserved it at all. I don't want his heart..." his whisper cracked a bit, "... to be broken."

"Coincidentally, Reiji said something similar once. Except that he was referring to you."

Ai placed his hand onto Natsuki's shoulder and his lips eased into a soft smile.

"Our feelings will linger within his heart and even if he cannot hear our voices within his dreams, I am certain that he can feel these feelings and those feelings will look after him, precisely like he deserves to be looked after."

His eyes turned gentler.

"We are afraid, but that also proves that we sincerely care, right?"

Natsuki's eyes widened slightly, but he soon nodded in agreement, an earnest smile forming on his lips, and he squeezed Ai's hand gently and whispered, "Let's join Rei-chan-senpai in the world of dreams now, Ai-chan." Ai silently agreed and they proceeded to lay down on the bed as well, slipping under the warm viridian quilt. Natsuki propped himself up a little with one elbow and felt his heart soften at the sight of Ai squishing the sides of his blue penguin plushie before leaning closer to Reiji and whispering a tender goodnight to Natsuki. Natsuki smiled warmly and whispered a goodnight back and watched as Ai let his eyes fall to a silent close facing Reiji, the younger mentor's lips curling into a serene smile as he held his plushie. When his two closest friends were fast asleep, Natsuki watched for a few more moments, his heart shrouding in warmth seeing their peaceful expressions and smiles, before he laid on his side and softly wrapped an arm around Reiji and the fawn plushie between them.

 _I asked Maru-chan-senpai if he could teach me how to fight because I was afraid that it may come down to that, seeing how cruel Kei and Hibiki could be_ , Natsuki whispered in his head as his heartbeat throbbed silently in his chest. _And he was worried, but he agreed and taught me the basics the best that he could, with Ai-chan, Myu-chan-senpai and Rei-chan-senpai helping out too. I want to be able to protect everyone who matters the most to me. If being able to protect them means pushing past my limits when I need to, I'll do it._

Natsuki shifted to a more comfortable position and felt his eyes slide to a close.

_With the bond that we share... I can stay strong._

The greater the fear of losing them, the more painful the thought of losing them was. He could not think of the thought of losing Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus without tears threatening to fall from his eyes and his heart cracking inside his chest, and it terrified him, regardless of the time of day. But being afraid was all a part of caring about them, protecting them, loving them.

He hugged the plushie and Reiji a little tighter and snuggled a little closer before sleep slowly took over his body.

_And because it is all a part of all that I just said, of being there for you... I'll always be more than okay with it. Always, always, no matter how much it hurts._

_"Breaking through! So hot it's dangerous!_

_The flames lit within my heart for you!_

_Breaking through! In this greatest scene,_

_Softly to your sleeping face,_

_I'll convey it... the song of my vow!"_

\- "The dice are cast", by QUARTET NIGHT (Showtaro Morikubo, Tatsuhisa Suzuki, Shouta Aoi, Tomoaki Maeno)


	46. Sacrifice

Camus

Camus was not one who celebrated his own birthday openly or publicly.

As much as he was royalty, as well as a man of exquisite taste, he had spent all of his birthdays with private celebrations with the company of only himself and his loyal dog Alexander and well, minor interventions from the persistent Reiji and others, and had otherwise treated the day as an ordinary day. Some shatterproof peace and quiet with a good book, cup of fragrant milk tea and delectable sweets such as chocolate and souffle was sufficient to satisfy him on this annual occasion. He did not need loud, incessant "Happy Birthday"s reverberating from every corner of the room and giving him throbbing headaches. He did not need to attend extravagant birthday parties with VIPs in front of whom he would have to keep up with his butler persona. Neither did he need much company or close to any at all. He did not need that. However, after being woken up with one of the most unconventional and incessant of ways - also known as Reiji's infamous bear hugs that had led to Ranmaru's shrieks getting neighbours to file complaints...

He was dragged along by four particular peasants, in addition to his _traitorous_ dog, to what was definitely going to be the most idiosyncratic of all the birthdays that he had had so far in his life.

"Consider it an achievement that Alexander sided with you for the sake of your cause."

Camus heaved out a sigh as he crossed his arms.

"Alexander has more tendencies to act out when all of you, especially you, Shinomiya, are around, it seems."

Ranmaru shot him a victorious smirk and Ai laughed softly as Natsuki and Reiji laughed, with Alexander letting out a few happy barks of agreement, much to Camus' mild chagrin. Camus should have known when he saw the schedules that Ai had arranged for them for the days leading up to his birthday. Every single day ever since their victory at the STARISH V QUARTET NIGHT live had been extremely hectic with interviews, guest appearances, live shows and other kinds of idol work, with nearly all of them being group activities. He had questioned the teal-haired boy if he was planning something, and he merely answered that he was keeping the schedules effective and efficient like he always had. It was only revealed today, the 23rd of January, that this entire day had been cleared from early morning until midnight for all five of them, which was the exact reason that the previous days were necessarily hectic. And they had somehow been able to keep it a secret until this very day.

Camus had _insisted_ that there was absolutely no necessity to go through such lengths for his birthday to be openly celebrated, but the other four had immediately disagreed, stating that they were doing this for their close friend, with a particular silver-haired rocker having no shame in pointing out, _I even put a lot of thought into your present, ice king!_ So well knowing the fact that his traditional private birthday celebrations had been reduced into mere ashes by these peasants, he had resigned to leaving today in their hands for once as he sat in Reiji's outmoded green car between Ranmaru and Ai with his pet dog on his lap.

But if he was being fairly honest...

He did not mind resigning if it were them.

Deep down, Camus did, for once, feel special on this annual occasion that he had treated as mostly an ordinary day. Not because of the extravagance of the places that they had chosen to take him to and the private reservations that had been made. Not because of the mere fact that they were treating him when he felt that it should have been the other way around. Not because of that colossal birthday cake, chocolate fondue or grand roses, clematis and other flowers adorning the ceilings and walls. But because they did it all for him. They cared and had no qualms in expressing it in their own ways, even when his blood family... never said an "I love you" to him, even an insincere one. The four of them sacrificed their time, their savings, and their energy to give him a day to remember, and every single action that they had done for him was nothing short of earnest. It was because of them that he could truthfully confess that he would not have been thoroughly content with celebrating in solitude, even if it did bring him a form of satisfaction. 

Now not a single moment was unpleasant with these four peasants that had become the most important people in his life. In fact, by some miracle, they had become even more important to him than the Silk Queen was. Which, of course, he would never admit in order to keep Ranmaru _and_ Reiji's egos in check.

But he smiled throughout the entirety of the day.

Taking the empty stage and harmonizing his cello with Natsuki's viola, playing pool against Ranmaru, taking Alexander out for a walk in a timeless garden, convincing Ai to try gelato for the first time, trying out clothes that Reiji had picked out for him, he smiled, and not a single smile was a perfected, fake smile. As he gave in to them, he dropped his butler act and consequently, his pride, but he could not bring himself to genuinely care much. Thus, he found himself having no regrets.

"Thank you", was what he found himself saying aloud more often than he thought he would throughout this year's 23rd of January.

And the genuine smiles that he received from everyone were enough to tell him that he had just had the one and only heartfelt birthday that he had ever had so far in his life, and that with them, there was another to come. And he earnestly looked forward to it.

Reiji Kotobuki

_If the conch shell's imitation of the waves' sounds is enough to bring chills running down my trembling spine..._

Reiji clenched his fists a little tighter as he tried to keep a calm face, even as his heart threatened to shatter right there and then like a cracked mirror reflecting a past that could never be undone.

_Then this... is what can tear me apart if I don't hold it in._

He did not want to be here; with all of his heart, he truly, deeply did not want to be here. However, this winter special required a member of STARISH and a member of QUARTET NIGHT to model sports attires and out of everyone in his five-man group, Reiji had been highly recommended by clients. Knowing how painfully personal it was to Reiji, especially given all the assaults and insults that had been pierced through him recently, Ai, Ranmaru, Natsuki and Camus had asked him if he was truly okay with partaking in this special, stating that if he did not feel mentally or emotionally ready, the other more athletic member of the group, Ranmaru, could take the role in his place. But Reiji told them that he had to do it, that he could not let this hold himself or the group back, even though he would be blatantly lying if he said that he would have chosen this job if he had the choice. 

So here he was standing by the cold winter sea as the cameras snapped in the distance for Syo, STARISH's representative, who was having his individual shots taken, while every other QUARTET NIGHT member was at different individual work, despite wanting to accompany Reiji, due to clashing schedules. Reiji felt his heart squeeze painfully in his chest as he watched the cerulean waves gently crash across the pale white sand under the cold sky and back into the waters that he had not stepped into for months now, the darker colour that it had left on the sand wordlessly reminding him of shadows against light. Just like every other time before, as the winter gales tore at his clothes, looking out at the sea and its waves and hearing the soft cadence of all of it would bring countless thoughts and memories flooding through his head like a storm of water, wind and glass, shattering through his already-wounded heart. 

_It's not the same beach or the same waves and water_ , he muttered to himself as he felt the heaviness of his chest. _It's not where he had tried to disappear, tried to lose himself to the cold waters. But it still hurts as I stand here, as I try to keep it all inside and not break down even the slightest bit. And it's so hard when the water is this cold and I keep being reminded of him and what he tried to do as the memories flash over and over in my head and my head keeps reversing back and back, repeating those nightmares, especially the one where... where..._

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, his heart quivering violently inside of him.

_Where I lost them. Where I lost Nattsun and Ai-Ai. And I can't lose them. I can't. Please not them. Please... please... I- Stop!_

His eyes flew open as the memories froze inside his head like water into ice, the hurricane of emotions trapped within his heart.

_I can't... I can't go on like this._

"Kotobuki-san! It's your turn!"

A staff member's voice rang throughout the cold air and he let out an exhale before yelling back that he was coming. The memories flickered coldly through his head like shards of a broken mirror, but he did his best to shut them out, at least for now, and sprinted towards the area where the photographer and staff members were. He could not let himself be buried underneath his past. He was not a living corpse. He was a living human being who had people who believed in him, whom he loved and cared about, who took his hand and pulled him forward through each and every second of the new day. He could not do this photo shoot halfheartedly; he had to stay strong and give it everything that he had, just like he always did. Not just for himself, but for all of QUARTET NIGHT.

_For you. Nattsun, Ai-Ai, Myu-chan and Ran-Ran, who have always been there for me even if you're not here. I cannot let myself cry or break down. I cannot let them down. I cannot give anything but my very best._

Straightening the front of his wind jacket, Reiji nodded when the photographer asked if he was ready, but he felt like rather than nodding at the older man, he was nodding at himself as one last strained encouragement.

_Even if the mere sight of the waves threaten to drown me alive._

Ai Mikaze

Even when they were not here, the scenery before his eyes kept them lingering in Ai's mind, as clear as it was beautiful.

Here, it was the colours that they were each associated with that reminded him of them. The director had given everyone a twenty-minute break after continuous hours of shooting the new episodes for the TV show and so Ai had wandered off alone in the quaint garden in an exquisite dome with the plastic cup of rose tea that he had just purchased from a nearby cafe, stepping along the path of stones across a narrow stream, silently taking in the shapes, colours and shades around him. The vibrant verdant leaves of the treetops had Reiji's name written across their surface. The quiet, gentle sunlight filtering through the near invisible spaces between the leaves and flowers brought in warm thoughts of Natsuki. The deep shades of red of the anemones and roses and the immaculate ice-blue hydrangeas and cornflowers evoked the images of Ranmaru and Camus, respectively, and Ai smiled faintly as the four colours that represented each of his four closest friends fluttered in the serene part of the garden, undisturbed, untainted. It was not as beautiful and dear to him as the flower meadows were, but it was still beautiful and dear in its own way.

 _Maybe they'll find it beautiful and dear too_ , Ai thought as he bent down on the grass and delicately caressed the petal of a tender lavender. _I'll show them some pictures and ask them if they would like to come here sometime._

Quietly humming the melody of "Innocent Wind", he felt a faint smile curve on his lips.

_Although it may be difficult to have peace with ourselves here, given its popularity as a tourist attraction._

"Mikaze-senpai."

His thoughts disappeared into the back of his head like light into a heavy fog at the sound of the familiar, stiffly-formal voice, just like the smile that faded into his usual poker face. Maintaining his typical composure, Ai pulled himself up onto his feet, releasing the lavender petal that had been held between his fingers, and turned to face the STARISH member who had been chosen to be his co-star for the episodes that he had been filming.

"Masato." Ai's voice was calm but stoic. "Is something the matter?"

Masato appeared to be more anxious than he initially was when he heard Ai's response, but Ai did not feel the slightest trace of remorse or understanding. Although he saw no purpose or benefit in bearing such things as vendettas or grudges against anything or anyone, Ai was not about to be anything more than necessarily civil to the likes of Syo, Masato and Tokiya, the three STARISH members who had manipulated the group's rule in order to evict Natsuki out of the band and declared the innocent blond "useless" and "worthless". Upon discovering that Ai would need to cooperate with Masato for the TV show, Ranmaru had told Ai to tell him if the blue-haired pianist caused any issues, smacking a fist to his palm. Reiji would come and pick Ai up from the garden after he and Natsuki were done with their interview while Camus and Ranmaru would see them all back at home after they dealt with their guest appearances with Tokiya and Ren at a talk show. Even thought Masato was evidently agitated despite straining to conceal it, he cleared his throat and spoke.

"Do you mind if I talk with you in private for a moment, Mikaze-senpai?"

"Why?" Ai inquired, narrowing his eyes.

Masato flinched, but he let out an exhale and responded. "It is important."

"I am uncertain about that, given your definition of 'importance' in terms of certain subjects that I believe that I have no necessity in elaborating further upon," Ai stated bluntly, turning away. "Now I would highly appreciate it if you-"

"Please."

The normally-level-headed pianist grabbed ahold of Ai's shoulder just as he was about to leave. Without sparing a second, Ai turned and found Masato's eyes staring straight at him with pain etched across his face, his teeth gritted.

"Just for a moment."

Ai took a moment to contemplate the scenario and the given options before he gave Masato his calm answer. 

"If it is truly unimportant, I am leaving, but I suppose that there is no issue as of now. So what is it that you want to tell me, Masato?"

Masato released his hold on Ai and allowed his hand to fall onto his side. In the air between them, a violet butterfly fluttered along like a flower drifting by, almost flickering like an uncertain light, like a colour that did not believe in its brilliance. The pianist's white dress shirt billowed silently in the cold gales as the warmth of the cup of tea in Ai's hand soundlessly dissipated into the winter sky, unspoken thoughts and emotions clouding the garden's atmosphere. Ai patiently waited as Masato clenched his fists, met Ai's eyes, and took another unfaltering moment before speaking into the coldness alone:

"I am glad that Shinomiya is in the right place now."

Surprise flashed across Ai's chest, for he did not predict that string of words at all. However, he kept a placid expression on his face as he met Masato's now-anguished eyes and responded. "Why are you telling me this? Based on what I recall, you, Syo and Tokiya all cornered him with the manipulation of one of the rules in order to expel him from STARISH. 

Ai narrowed his eyes at the pianist.

"Without a shred of empathy or remorse, may I add."

"I am aware," Masato replied, his blue eyes clouded with pain. "I distinctly recall my contributions in hurting Shinomiya's heart. I remember the entire scene. I know what I did."

"Then how could you say that you are glad now?" Ai further questioned, his voice even but devoid of any warmth. "You also agreed with them in regards to Natsuki joining me, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus as an official QUARTET NIGHT member. This is clearly inconsistent of you, Masato."

Masato lowered his eyes. "I know."

"So why are you saying this?"

"Because I am a coward," Masato answered immediately, his voice raising a little, his calm composure cracking like an etch of darkness across a glassy sky, "Mikaze-senpai. Because this is how I sincerely feel and yet was not brave enough to express without hurting Shinomiya and sacrificing him in order to protect myself." His voice lowered as his words tightened with sadness and guilt. "Because I knew that he was better off with the four of you rather than in STARISH. Because I could see with my own eyes and feel in my heart that Shinomiya belonged with you more than he ever belonged anywhere else. That you, Kurosaki-san, Kotobuki-senpai and Camus-senpai all looked out for him as much as he looked out for all of you. I knew and could see all that, except..."

He clenched his teeth tightly.

"Except that I could not openly support him without being the target of blame from Ichinose or Kurusu, without getting my hands stained themselves. So in order to make him leave STARISH and open up his path to permanently being with you and the other senpais, I sided with Ichinose and Kurusu despite knowing the pain that it would lead to."

"In other words, in order to preserve your position in the situation, you decided to follow along with one of the most painful possible options and therefore, indirectly sacrifice Natsuki's, as well as my, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus', feelings in the process?" Ai summarized, his voice quiet. That explained why Masato contributed the least amongst the trio to the argument during the confrontation between QUARTET NIGHT and STARISH upon the latter's discovery of Natsuki being a new member of QUARTET NIGHT, being jarringly the least vocal amongst the three. Despite that, however, Ai maintained his stand that Masato's actions were still unacceptable. Perhaps, in actuality, he was more selfish than Ai initially expected, if seen in a different perspective, for Masato had had the intention of allowing Natsuki to be injured if it meant fulfilling his desires _and_ protecting himself. Masato stiffened, but he hung his head in shame and nodded briefly.

"It is... exactly as you said."

"Your words are telling me that you do care, but it is still nevertheless selfish."

"It is," Masato confirmed, smiling in self-derision. "Like I said before, I am a coward, Mikaze-senpai. As irritating as Jinguji is to me, I am not like him and in this particular case, I am the one lacking in what I should not be lacking in, not him." 

"Ren?" Ai asked, and Masato's shoulders tensed.

"Precisely," Masato answered, his voice stiff with hurt. "I am fully aware that Jinguji maintains close contact with all of you, especially Shinomiya and Kurosaki-san. That he freely expresses his true feelings in regards to all five of you, even if he ends up arguing with anyone else, even if no one takes his side. Amongst everyone in STARISH, he was the one who started looking out for Shinomiya in his own way before the rest began to, even though he, like the rest of us, made mistakes. He changed his ways and truly became an invaluable friend to Shinomiya and the rest of you, while I, on the other hand... I do not have even the smidgen of courage I need in order to be as open and sincere as him, even though it is the right thing to do, not for my sake, but for all of you, as your friend and ally. Jinguji is the only one, besides you, who knows my true feelings and intentions, and has often told me that I should be more honest about it, and yet... I can't."

He slowly met Ai's eyes again, his blue eyes tainted with anguish and self-loathe.

"Like the feelings in the dam of my heart, I can't openly express my true intentions yet, not even for Shinomiya."

He shook his head.

"Feel free to tell the rest of QUARTET NIGHT about this. I do not wish for you to create any form of friction between you and your group members by keeping this a secret. And if Kurosaki-san wishes to punch me in the face," he smiled wryly, "tell him that I deserve it." He paused for an unsettling moment. "You know, Mikaze-senpai, one of the many things that I have admired about you, not only as a senpai but as a person, is your straightforwardness."

His smile twisted into a more sorrowful one, tinged with regret.

"Maybe that reflects my true personality. It is something that you and Jinguji have in common, but I do not. Perhaps that is why I chose to discuss this with you - I knew that you would not have held back, whether or not I deserved it."

Ai lowered his eyes and began, "Masato-" But Masato looked down at his phone, stating that it was almost time to resume video shooting, and walked away before Ai could speak again. His back turned to Ai, the blue-haired pianist walked briskly along the stony pathway winding towards the area where the staff had been, the last expression that he managed to catch a glimpse of sadness lingering on his face. Perhaps Masato was also afraid to wait to hear what Ai had to say. Perhaps that... made him feel like more of a coward than he already felt he was. The fear of rebuke and resentment, the fear of pain... They had maneuvered Masato into making decisions that sacrificed the feelings of others. Relinquishing a quiet sigh, Ai began following the winding path that Masato had disappeared into, but simultaneously lost himself into a whirlwind of thoughts, memories and words intertwined with a hurricane of immeasurable emotions.

_Sacrifice._

_When defined as a verb by the Oxford dictionary online, to "sacrifice" is to "give up (something valued) for the sake of other considerations." To have A means that you have to give up B. To lose C means that you will gain D. The willingness and unwillingness to sacrifice or keep, to give up or to take ahold of. Masato was willing to indirectly remove Natsuki from STARISH, but it was not a purely selfless action, for he was unwilling to be completely honest or kind about it. He helped Natsuki, but gave up the minimizing of his friend's pain. There were silver linings, but the pain caused was immense as well, with part of it sincerely avoidable, and he knew it as clearly as the rest of us did._

_The "a" in the word "sacrifice" is anguish... isn't it?_

Ai took a small sip of the rose tea in the plastic cup and felt its coldness, as expected, but it was not as felt as the sorrow dwelling in his chest as he walked past the greenery around him, past the flowers that quivered in the breeze as the sunlight dimmed painfully.

_"Sacrifice"... brings an unsettling pain to the heart._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"It's time to go home, Fawnie-chan!"

Natsuki smiled gently and squeezed his fawn plushie into a tight hug.

"Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan and the others are already home. Let's give all of them lots and lots of warm hugs when we arrive, okay?"

After performing both "Southern Cross Waltz" and "Promise to Sirius" live, Natsuki was finished with all of his idol work for the Monday. As the sunset glowed with wondrous pinks, yellows, oranges and reds outside like the silent blossoming of flowers across the canvas of the clouds, Natsuki breathed out a light sigh and smiled faintly as he carefully tucked his beloved plushie into his sling bag, glad that he had given his all and could finally spend time with his dearest friends after hours of individual work. After checking that he had taken all of his belongings like Ai had often reminded him and Reiji to, Natsuki whispered an "okay" and pushed the greenroom door open, allowing himself out into the hallway.

_I'll text them that I'll be home s-_

At the sound of his first step into the hallway, he was suddenly yanked to one side and a hand covered his mouth just as he was about to exclaim out in shock. His eyes dilated and he attempted to wrench himself away when something struck him on the side of the head and... 

his thoughts disappeared into the darkness.

_"Eternity... Forever... whatever the word is,_

_Can it represent the vows I've made with you?"_

\- "Southern Cross Waltz", by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kishow Taniyama)


	47. The Cruel Chandelier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Violence

Reiji Kotobuki

"According to my data, Natsuki's live show reached its conclusion 45 minutes ago."

Ai looked up from his cellphone, his eyes glimmering with concern.

"However, he has not sent any messages. Neither is he online. I initially thought he may have merely forgotten to text, but regardless if he did so, he should be home by now."

"I'll try calling him," Reiji immediately said, dialling Natsuki's number in his viridian cellphone as Ranmaru frowned and Camus narrowed his eyes. The four senpais were now in the living room of the apartment, waiting for Natsuki to come back so that the five of them could drink hot chocolate and hang out here together. After numerous strenuous interviews and live shows, Reiji had found himself really looking forward to a warm and tight bear hug from his kind, affectionate best friend and seeing all of them back home. But for some reason, Natsuki still had yet to come back. Holding the cellphone near his ear as he sat on the red sofa beside Ranmaru, Reiji listened to the sounds of beeping, waiting for Natsuki's warm voice to come through. But it never did.

"He is not picking up." He tried again, but the line remained unresponsive. His heart clenching, he shook his head at the others. "The calls went in, but he is not picking up."

"Could it be that he is planning an unorthodox surprise of some kind?" Camus inquired, folding his arms.

"No way," Ranmaru answered, shaking his head. "As oblivious as he may be, he thinks far ahead when it comes to us and knows that pulling that sort of stuff will worry us sick. And he never fails to send us a text sayin' he's on the way back, no matter what."

"Oh no," Reiji muttered, his worry amplifying and slowly growing into deep fear as he clenched his teeth. "Oh no, Nattsun, oh no..." He truly did not want to think of the worst possibilities, but the ominous feeling in his gut was only sinking deeper and deeper like murky waters. "Ai-Ai, can you track Nattsun's cellphone?"

"That is precisely what I am working on," Ai answered, moving his cursor and typing on his keyboard, his eyes narrowed in concentration as Camus scooted closer to him on the brown sofa. As Reiji got up to approach the teal-haired boy, Ai stopped typing and spoke again. "According to my findings, Natsuki's cellphone is still at the same building where he last performed."

"Then let's go there now, guys!" Reiji immediately decided, glancing around at everyone.

"Lead the way," Ranmaru responded, rising from the sofa at the same time as Camus. He narrowed his eyes. "And let's freaking hope that this ain't what we think it is."

Camus nodded with a grim expression as Ai stated that he would give Reiji the GPS coordinates to the location. Nodding at his close friends, Reiji sprinted to his room to grab his jacket and car keys, trying to not let his thoughts overshadow his calm, rational thinking as his heart pulsated unsteadily with gales of emotions. He prayed with all of his heart, mind and soul that his gut was wrong this once, that nothing bad had happened to Natsuki, that their best friend was safe and sound in that building. But the problem was that he, just like the rest of them, knew Natsuki more than well enough to know that this was extremely unlike him. He would have called or texted them by now. He should have more than half an hour ago. He should be home by now, with his bright, warm smile spreading across his face and into their hearts just like always. And so it was more than a painful struggle to calm himself down and not think of the worst now.

_Please be there when we arrive, Nattsun._

After he had grabbed what he needed, Reiji hurried out and towards the entrance door, where Ranmaru was already holding the door open and waiting for him with Camus and Ai. Ai gave Reiji a quick squeeze on the shoulder, as though silently reassuring him that this may not be what they thought it was, although the teal-haired boy's eyes were still worried. Reiji could barely manage to smile weakly as he nodded and the four of them briskly headed down the building, his heart throbbing loudly in his ears.

_Please don't let this be what our hearts and guts are telling us right now. Please... Nattsun._

Natsuki Shinomiya

Pain throbbed through the darkness like a violent crack in a silent cadence.

Through the blackness of his head, then aching through his neck and arms and stomach, then down to his legs and feet, like a melody that had been composed and sung for the broken purpose of causing pain and suffering, replaying unsteadily with its pain clearer and clearer with each fading second. Natsuki's lips contorted into a wince as he slowly opened his eyes, trying to remember what had happened and where he was, but his head was still drowned in a thick, heavy fog of pain and darkness, unable to focus on much of anything as his vision was blurred and painful. 

_Why... am I hurting so much...?_ Natsuki whispered in his head, his heartbeat faltering in his ears and chest. _Why can't I remember what happened? Where am I and-_

His heart froze in his chest as he tried to get up only to find himself being held in place, bound to something. _W... What?_ His heart quivered as his eyes regained their focus and darted down and around, only to cause worry, fear and panic to surge into his heart all at once like maelstroms along with his consciousness. He had been forced to sit on a wooden chair and his wrists were tied to the back of the chair behind him with what felt like thin string, just like his legs near his ankles. His body was pounding with bruises and the ropes were digging into his skin as he tried to pull against the constraints and force himself free, flinching as the pain amplified like the blood-curdling cries and screams of ghosts and ghouls, and he could feel blood trickle from the right corner of his lips, dripping down onto his shirt as his eyes glanced around at the brick-red walls and shadows on both sides of him, with no one in sight, not a single shred of forgiveness or reassurance from the cold, blue night. That was when the memories from before he blacked out, back when he had been on the way out of the building thinking of Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus and home, flooded through his head like torrents of silver bullets and a trembling gasp slipped out of his lips as the memory of the pain thudding onto the side of his head crashed onto him like tides.

_N-No!_

"Is anyone there?" Natsuki cried out, his throat burning with pain as he yanked at the ropes again. His chest was rising and falling heavily, like waves undulating uncontrollably. "Rei-chan-senpai! Ai-chan! Maru-chan-senpai! Myu-chan-senpai! Anyone! Can you hear me? Please help me! Please... please help! I-"

"That's more than enough, Natsuki."

"W... What-"

"Shut up!"

A fist was swung against the back of his head violently and he flinched as he let out a quiet groan. His head hung, he clenched his teeth in pain and his body quivered at the footsteps resounding from both his left and his right. When he barely recovered and raised his head up, his eyes widened in sheer shock and terror and the trembling of his heart worsened. It was really Kei and Hibiki. He knew that he recognized the voices when he first heard them, but... he could hardly believe that they would do this. That they were doing this. He flinched when Kei, with coldness glinting in his sinister yellow eyes, swung his hand again and slapped him across the face, the agonizing sound thudding into the starless night along with the swelling bruise. Beside Kei, Hibiki was facing Natsuki as well, his expression devoid of any remorse or forgiveness, and the brunet let out a sigh and spoke.

"It's best that you work with us if you want the pain to be any lesser."

Natsuki stared at them in anguish. "What do you mean? Why did you bring me here? And-"

"You are really atrocious in terms of your own priorities, Shinomiya-kun."

Kei scoffed condescendingly, narrowing his eyes.

"If you weren't, you wouldn't be here right now. None of us would, in fact."

"I... I don't-"

"We gave you the golden opportunity to walk away from this plight by telling you to leave Reiji," Hibiki articulated, his voice quieter but sharp. His eyes glinted with cold vexation. Natsuki clenched his teeth as the older man continued. "We gave all of you - you, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru - that very opportunity. But instead, all of you adamantly rejected it and protected him. Even after all of our attempts to warn you and help you. Even after trying to talk sense into you and arguing with you. Even when you all know that you had no choice but to struggle against STARISH in that competition thanks to him."

Natsuki shook his head in anguish. "None of that is Rei-chan-senpai's fault-"

"You freaking _saved_ him," Kei snapped, his spit flying as his tone oozed with venom, nearing Natsuki with menacing steps forward. "I don't know how you freaking did it, but you came up with that blasted composition and gave him and the rest of your sorry crew all they needed to dominate the freaking competition! Hibiki and I saw the divisions of the final scores. It was that last group song that ultimately crushed STARISH when that wasn't at all what should have happened!"

"All five of us gave the songs our all," Natsuki asserted, his voice cracking with emotion as his heart trembled vehemently like leaves in a storm, "and no matter what, we would be standing right next to one another just like a-"

"And for some freaking miracle, when you're all powerless like this and we can do whatever we freaking want to you, you are _still_ defending the coward and the rest of that lot," Kei cut in, seizing the collar of Natsuki's stained white shirt, his yellow eyes glowering furiously at him. "What on freaking earth makes that coward so special? Is it that he's a dear, precious friend to you? Don't make us freaking laugh. It's because of him that Aine's gone, that he's most probably dead and that we can all never see him again-"

"No-"

"That everyone blames him like you all should be. That he does not deserve friends. That he deserves to be depressed for the rest of his freaking life and just end that sorry-excuse-of-a-life himself like he should have long, long ago-"

"That's not-"

"He should just commit suicide by falling down a cliff or whatever-"

"No!" Natsuki shouted, anger, anguish and grief for his closest friend overtaking his quivering heart as he looked straight at both Kei and Hibiki despite the aching and trembling of his bruised body. "Rei-chan-senpai deserves to live as much as the rest of us do! Why do you keep saying those cruel things about him? He has a true, beating heart and is the kindest and warmest friend I've ever had! And-"

"Stop defending him already, you moron!"

"No, I-"

"Zip it!"

A cold fist was slammed against his right cheek and Natsuki flinched as blood trickled down his chin, his eyes snapping up to the cold midnight-blue sky devoid of even a single shard of starlight. He was shoved back against the wooden chair, which rattled violently from the force exerted, and clenched his teeth as Kei grabbed his chin and forced him to look directly into his yellow eyes.

"Listen up, Shinomiya Natsuki," Kei hissed through gritted teeth, his tone laced with smouldering hatred. "You've just dumped your last chance down the drain and into the blasted furnace. I don't know if you're just too absurdly nice and clueless as a person or merely a stubborn moron who just won't listen to a word Hibiki and I are tellin' ya, but we're over it." His lips twitched. "But we'll see if you're still so tough standing by your friend once we're done with ya."

Kei glanced over at Hibiki and smirked darkly.

"Hibiki, let's see if he can take bein' blind all over."

A fearful gasp slid from his lips as Natsuki saw Hibiki pull a black blindfold out of his pocket, the brown-haired man's eyes devoid of any mercy. Crying out, Natsuki struggled agonizingly against his binds, tugging and wrenching as hard as he could, with every ounce of strength that his battered state contained, but Kei's fist collided against his cheek again and his head jerked with broken reflex. That was when another hand grabbed him by the hair and before he could recover, the black cloth had been draped over his eyes and all that he could see was pitch blackness, causing his pulse to accelerate unsteadily.

"Be careful, Hibiki." Kei's voice was heard. "If we bring out his alter ego, we're doomed."

 _Sacchan..._ Natsuki whispered in his mind, barely heard above the kaleidoscope of chaos whirling in his head. _Sacchan._

"I know, Kei." Hibiki's response was calm and reassuring. "The glasses make this more intricate than it would be without them, but with the gaps between them and his eyes, I can blind him properly."

"Good."

Natsuki tried to wrench his head away, but the two men's grips on him were too strong, and it was only a matter of seconds until Hibiki was done. He winced when he felt the strings bounding his wrists and legs being tightened, digging into his skin even more. "Should we gag him too?" Natsuki felt his blood freeze at the sound of those words from Hibiki. Kei let out a few dark chuckles and a hand pinched Natsuki's chin harshly and forced his head to be tilted upwards, causing an icy chill to run down Natsuki's spine.

"We'll let you keep your voice for now," Kei spoke, his voice laced with cold mockery. "It's a long, long process after all, with the night being so young. Not only that, but we chose this spot since no one, not even a single man, will be around to hear you cry out and scream for that fedora-loving coward that you somehow hold in high regard and care about. Let's see what it'll take for it to change. I'm sure that we'll get ya crackin' in no time - even if we don't, we have our ways to get you breaking down."

 _Rei-chan-senpai..._ Natsuki whispered in his head, his heart wavering with agony and anguish as fear coursed through the blood in his trembling body, _Ai-chan, Maru-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai, Sacchan... I want... to see you guys... Please let me see you guys again soon... please-_

"Save yourself for once, Shinomiya-kun. Once and forever."

Without a moment to spare, a foot was slammed against Natsuki's gut, and he cried out in agony.

 _Please!_ his heart screamed.

Reiji Kotobuki

"This has gotta be a freaking, freaking nightmare."

Spitting out a curse, Ranmaru slammed a fist against the seat, his voice blazing with irritation.

"How is the traffic this freaking ridiculous? 

"There is a road reconstruction close by, leading to traffic congestion in this area," Ai explained, his eyes fixated on his laptop screen as he sat on the passenger seat beside Reiji. "Moreover, there was a car accident, which only worsens this congestion. Therefore, based on estimations, it will take at least 35 more minutes until we arrive at the venue."

"With a stroke of luck, however, we managed to get ahold of one of the staff members for the live show at which Shinomiya performed," Camus stated, although his tone was heavy with graveness rather than optimism. "If she does not contact us within 10 minutes' time, I will give her another call."

"But seriously, what on freaking earth is goin' on?" Ranmaru growled, gritting his teeth from the rear-view mirror. "Ai's screen still says that Natsuki's cellphone's right there, so why on freaking earth ain't he pickin' up?"

Reiji could not answer. Reiji did not want to think of all the coldest, bleakest possibilities that had been raiding and overtaking his mind like a tempest of gales and shadows, snatching every shred of hope and immersing his heart into cold, crashing waves. The hands that were gripping the steering wheel tightened as they quivered violently and he barely resisted the desperate urge to slam the honk in order to get the cars in front of him to move faster instead of take their time in driving off just for the mere sake of watching the aftermath of the car accident up ahead. He was more than convinced that something had happened to Natsuki. That someone had tried to hurt him or had already done so. That Natsuki needed them now more than anything. And yet here they were, trapped in a traffic jam that they had absolutely no control over, clueless as to what had happened to their best friend, unable to do anything but wait. Not only that, but to make matters worse, the CTTV cameras of the building appeared to have been deactivated when Ai attempted to hack into them.

And it was breaking Reiji more and more as the seconds ticked by.

Overshadowing him.

Drowning him.

The fact that the sun had finished setting by the time they revved up the car engine was not making matters look brighter to them. Not only that, but tonight was one of the darkest winter nights that they had had ever since the snow started to fall. Not a single star could be seen glistening in the Prussian blue expanse of the night sky, not even a shard of it. The moon was up, but it seemed alone and isolated rather than glowing and beautiful as it hung on its own without any stars supporting it, without a sound or offer of comfort or kindness. Natsuki loved both the moon and the stars and knowing that, Reiji was sure that if he were to look up at that sky, the blond would have felt an acute sense of sadness trickling through his warm heart. But even as warm as he was, thinking of him only made the pain feel more unbearable amidst the thick, tense silence.

 _I can see a Ferris Wheel from this highway_ , Reiji muttered to himself as he looked at the glowing tourist attraction out of the corner of his right eye. _It's the one that I got Nattsun to ride with me. The one that changes colours every 37 seconds, where the two of us had cried together, where I thought that I deserved to be left by him and yet was so, so terrified he would as it was the last thing I ever, ever wanted. Where he held me... tightly and dearly... and showed that he, as well as Ai-Ai, Myu-chan and Ran-Ran... loved me just the way I was, regardless of my mistakes. He stayed by my side and saved me and yet now-_

Reiji clenched his teeth as his heart squeezed in sheer agony in his chest.

 _Now I feel so_ useless _... unable to do more than this when our hearts are all telling us that he needs it more than anything right now._

"We'll find him, Reiji."

A smaller hand placed itself on top of his shoulder and squeezed it gently. Slowly, Reiji turned to his left to face Ai, whose teal eyes were sheened with pure concern and understanding as he held his gaze.

"We will not stop searching until we find Natsuki," Ai spoke in a near whisper, clearly trying to soothe Reiji's heart. "I know that the situation appears to be pessimistic to the extremes, but we will give every ounce of effort and heart that we can in order to ensure his safety."

Ai's lips curved into a slight smile, even though it was weak.

"In order... to bring him home."

A lump trapped in the hollowness of his throat, Reiji could only nod and squeeze Ai's hand tightly with a bleak smile, knowing that he might break down there and then if he were to speak much. "Yeap." That was when he noticed that the traffic began to progress and he shifted his eyes back to the road, driving towards their destination. _Home..._ That was what they all wanted the five of them to be. All that they wanted was to find Natsuki safe and sound in that building and then bring him home together in this green car, devoid of any worries, fears or sadness. To see him smiling and laughing with a blithe expression glowing in his kind, innocent green eyes behind his black-framed glasses. To see him holding the fawn plushie that they had given him as a Christmas present close to his chest, and then carefully setting it down before pulling each of them into a big, warm and earnest hug of his own. That was all that they wanted right now. That was all that they wanted to believe would happen once they reached the building where Natsuki's cellphone indicated he should be at.

_But even as we wish for it and think it... the pain, the worry, the anguish... they all aren't fading from our chests at all. Not with what our guts are warning us about._

Reiji hung his head as he pulled to a stop, rendered immobile amidst the traffic yet again as the image of Natsuki smiling warmly at him flickered inside his head like a dying candle that had once been incandescent.

_Is it too much... to want the person dearest to us... to be alright?_

Natsuki Shinomiya

Memories bled and flickered into Natsuki's head like stars burning into the night as he cried out and screamed into the cold sky, his heart quivering and breaking apart with each strike, each kick, each cruel word and threat piercing through him like slivers of glass reflecting the moonlight that could not save him and he could not see.

Kei and Hibiki had been relentless from the very beginning, using merciless force to assault him as they kept him bound and blindfolded on the wooden chair in what he had recognized as a deserted alleyway, beating him with their cold fists, jerking his body around like he were a lifeless puppet and yanking his hair up, digging their nails into his skin and dragging them through sharply, kicking him, torturing him. During each and every round, they'd ask him the same malicious question: _Will you leave Reiji?_ They would speak with false sympathy and sheer mockery, stating that they would stop hurting him and let him go if he agreed to do so, that they would take care of everything. But each and every time they asked, Natsuki would immediately refuse as soon as he recovered from the beatings enough to speak, whispering in falters if it was all that his voice could manage, stating that he was not leaving Reiji. That he was not leaving his closest and dearest friend who was also family to him. Whose heart was overflowing with warmth, kindness and sincerity and whom had always, always been there for him regardless of anything. 

_Why won't you just give him up?_ Kei had shouted, yanking his head up by the hair as a dark snarl growled amidst his words. _He isn't even worth a single slap on the face and yet after that whole round of beatings, you still won't leave him like you should freaking be?_

His chest heaving up and down heavily, Natsuki had gritted his teeth in pain, but answered back without hesitation. _I won't! Regardless of anything, regardless what you do, I won't leave Rei-chan-senpai. This pain... will never be enough to make me ever want to leave him, because I never will!_

 _Natsuki, are you sure you are prepared for what is to come?_ Hibiki had questioned back, his emotionless tone devoid of any remorse or understanding. _We will do whatever it takes, and you should know what that means._

 _I will not abandon Rei-chan-senpai, so please just stop and let me go!_ Natsuki had exclaimed, yanking at his constraints.

 _Shut up!_ Kei had snapped, striking Natsuki on the mouth again.

His adamance in standing by Reiji only enraged his two captors even more, and they intensified the brutality and anguish of the ensuing onslaughts, with Kei cursing and shrieking with boiling hatred throughout each and every excruciating moment that shattered through the empty night. After two or three more rounds of harder, more relentless beatings, with their frustration towards him giving them the exact same answer to their demand rising, they had proceeded to forcefully gag him with what felt like a necktie, with Kei remarking with sheer scorn, _Let's see if he'll be able to take it when he can't even scream his pain out. Hmm, what's that, Shinomiya-kun? Oh, that's right; we took your voice away, just like how that coward you're protecting is the reason why we can never hear Aine's voice ever again. Because of that cursed_ Kotobuki _!_

Kei had spat another curse.

 _He ruined our lives!_ he had shrieked. _By causing Aine to disappear, he ruined everything; he ruined us!_

Now, after a few more interminable, merciless barrages of assaults, Natsuki had fallen to the cold ground and was laying sideways, having been coerced off the chair and slammed him to the ground with them then retying his binds, even tighter this time. The bruises and wounds scattered and ripped all over his body screamed and shrieked with sheer anguish that spread like the blood within himself, unheard yet felt excruciatingly. His head that had been slammed against the wall and the ground countless of times was throbbing with an unstable, wavering rhythm as his heart pulsated loudly above the thick darkness of his eyes and the shallow breathing of his nose and gagged mouth. As he stared at the darkness alone, he could feel warm tears welling up at the back of his blindfolded eyes, threatening to slip down his cheeks as he strained to speak or breathe through his gag. 

_I don't want to be alone_ , he whispered, trying not to let the tears fall as he grappled against the constraints again, kicking and twisting as much as his injured state could manage. _I don't want to be here alone, unable to see or speak or do much of anything. I want... more than anything... to see Rei-chan-senpai and the others now and again... please..._

Images and memories of Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus, along with Satsuki and Eli, flashed inside his head like a kaleidoscope of bright yet painful colours and voices, their warmth filling yet piercing his throbbing heart. The memory of he and the four senpais sharing a big, warm group hug, with Reiji's arms wrapped around him tightly, nearly made him break down there and then as their warmth, along with the reality in which he was unsure when he could see them again, threatened to tear him apart like the wings of a bleeding butterfly.

_I want... to hug them. And hold them... And give them warmth and love... just like... they have always, always given me no matter what..._

He let out a muffled cry when he felt a foot slam against his arm, and the memories of their warm hugs shattered like a weeping voice.

 _They are in my heart..._ he whispered brokenly in his mind as he trembled in agony. _You... are in my heart._

"He is still refusing to comply, Kei."

"That's freaking obvious," Kei spat, venom leaking from his voice. "We knew that he ain't considered the closest to Kotobuki for nothing, but I sure am appalled that this beaten boy is this stubbornly loyal to the coward! Even when we already took away his sight and his voice! He was supposed to be weaker than this! Kotobuki does not deserve to have him as a friend! He doesn't deserve anyone at all!"

"So what do you want to do, Kei?" Hibiki's voice was calm, but edged with agitation.

"We bring _him_ in, just like we said we would." Kei's tone darkened. "Now."

Without warning, Natsuki felt his body being dragged along the dirt and then he was slammed face-down to the ground, with someone forcing their weight on his back. Flinching, Natsuki attempted to raise his head up, only for a rough hand to shove it back down, and he heard Kei hiss, "You'll wish to die after this, Shinomiya-kun." His heart thudding heavily in his chest, Natsuki writhed under Kei's weight, his mind straining to focus not on the pain, but on the thoughts and memories of the people dearest to him that had been reassuring him and giving him strength throughout the broken ordeal.

_I want to give them more hugs and hold them tightly and gently._

He saw Ai laughing quietly and leaning closer as he hugged the latter tightly and they sat on a picnic blanket in the flower meadows.

_I want to laugh and smile with them, and give them more reasons to laugh and smile too, bringing at least a little more warmth and colours to their skies, our sky._

He saw Ranmaru playing an instrumental version of "The dice are cast" on his bass with a lopsided grin on his face and Camus pouring more Earl Grey tea, one of his favourite kinds of tea, into his cup with a contented smile on his face, both happening when the five of them were all relaxing from long hours of idol work.

_I want... to be with them._

He saw the memory of the five of them laying on the grass of the forest for them, the warm sunlight filtering through the fluttering leaves and flowers above them, and they were all in a circle with their heads next to one another. A hand had gently caressed the curls in his blond hair and he had turned to Reiji, who was laying on his left and already smiling at him when he turned.

 _Home's really wherever we all are_ , Reiji had remarked in a near whisper, a warm smile glistening in his voice as his grey eyes shone under the sunshine. _It's warm here; warmer than anything and anywhere. Because we're home; we all are._

_I want to go home..._

Squeezing his eyes shut, he held back the tears burning behind his eyes and in his raw throat as he strained to keep himself together, to stop himself from falling apart as the warm memories cracked through his heart amidst the unforgiving darkness.

_I want to be home with you._

"He's been rearing to go, Shinomiya-kun."

Kei let out a cold cackle as Natsuki felt his body being hoisted up and he was forced to remain on his knees, his hair being yanked to keep his head facing upwards.

"If you think you could take what Hibiki and I put you through, just wait 'til you're in his mercy. You'll be begging to do anything to get it to stop."

Kei's hot breath hit against Natsuki's left ear and it brought icy chills running down his spine.

"He seems to really know you. And if it's really that personal, well... looks like you should have given up when Hibiki and I were in charge."

 _Who..._ Natsuki uttered in his head, his thoughts gyrating like a cold tornado, _who is it...? Someone who knows me? Personal? Who... who could it-_

A hand smacked the back of his head and as he flinched, the gag was ripped from his bleeding lips, causing him to gasp for air and cough violently. As he inhaled and exhaled rapidly, he heard calm, measured footsteps nearing him like he were a wounded deer about to be tortured by a pack of hyenas, and when they stopped, the blindfolded was torn from his eyes.

A dark chuckle reverberated through Natsuki's ears and he was paralyzed by sheer shock and fear.

_N-No..._

With deep hesitation, he forced himself to raise his head up, his heart trembling with waves of emotions flooding through him like a thousand ghosts. And when his eyes met the newcomer's, his eyes dilated in utter terror.

_This... this is not happening...!_

Reiji Kotobuki

"How was I supposed to know?"

"Just because you know them it doesn't mean that they are trustworthy, you dunce!"

"Would they have been hired if they were not?"

"You are unbelievable!"

"Enough with the fighting!" Ranmaru shouted over the voices, pushing the two furious staff members away from each other before scowling at both of them. "Now, before you two rip each other's heads off, can someone explain why on freaking earth no one answered our calls? And where is our friend? Where's Natsuki?"

The staff members glanced at one another frantically, but before they could start talking, Camus cut in with a sharp voice.

"In a fathomable manner, if you do not mind."

Reiji glanced around at everyone, his heart beating with worry, anguish and fear. When he, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru exited the lift upon reaching the tenth floor, where the staff had agreed to meet them, they could already hear shouting and yelling exploding throughout the atmosphere like smouldering blazes. Beside Reiji, Ai narrowed his eyes as a young male, who appeared to be the leader amongst the group, sighed heavily and looked straight at all the senpais before speaking.

"From the results of a quick but thorough search, your friend, Natsuki Shinomiya, is no longer in this building."

Reiji's eyes dilated as he tried not to quiver. _Oh no... no..._

"We found his belongings," the leader continued, gesturing at the sling bag and yellow cellphone being carried by two other staff members. Ai quietly nodded Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus; those were definitely Natsuki's. "They were on the floor in front of his greenroom. We attempted to look through CCTV footage, but with unfortunate luck, the CCTV cameras are under maintenance today and are thus deactivated. And-"

"That was when this bunch of us lot," one of the previously-bickering staff members cut in, shooting an indignant scowl at one he had been arguing with and a few others, "coughed up the fact that they had seen some men taking Shinomiya-san out of here while he was unconscious. And freaking _let_ them."

Reiji's heart quivered as he stared at the staff members in sheer terror. "What-"

"We did approach them and asked what happened!" a female staff member with red hair protested, her eyes distressed. "They said that Shinomiya-san passed out and that they were taking him home, stating that they knew where he lived!"

"And you freaking _believed_ those guys?" Ranmaru demanded, his heterochromatic eyes burning with deep fury, his fists trembling. "You just let them walk away with our friend when he couldn't fend for himself?"

"They were trustworthy people!" a male yelled.

"Are you even hearing yourselves?" a blonde staff member snapped at his co-worker.

"Precisely the point." Camus' tone was closer than ice, matching the glare in his ice-blue eyes.

"You told those men that you could call QUARTER NIGHT to pick their band member up, which was the right move, but then you went on to let them bring him with them merely with the reassurance that 'they care'." The leader pulled at his own hair, clearly conflicted. "And here you are still defending yourselves. I... I can't take this."

"Aaron, they were from the music industry, and we worked with them too! How could we not trust them?"

"Aki-"

"Wait, you worked with them?" Reiji inquired, hastily interrupting before the argument could escalate any further. His heart was on the verge of collapsing in his chest. "Does that mean you know who they are?"

"Instead of this meaningless argument," Ai added bluntly, his tone calm and serious, "I highly suggest that we move on to the heart of this matter and you tell us whom exactly have taken Natsuki, for he never came home to us."

He narrowed his eyes.

"So do tell us whom exactly those perpetrators were."

"There were three of them," the leader stated, shaking his head as he scratched his hair. "All men. Two of them were your creative directors. Kei Otonami and Hibiki Katagiri."

"Those freaking lowlifes?" Ranmaru shouted, spitting out a curse, gritting his teeth in sheer resentment as Reiji's eyes widened in pure horror and fear. _Ke_ _-chan and_ _Hibikin_ _.... they took Nattsun? What... what are they doing to him?_

Reiji felt broken thought tear through his head like the feathers of an unkindness of ravens as he wished more than anything that they did not do anything to Natsuki. That they were not torturing him or hurting him.

_I already told them... that if they wanted to hurt anyone, hurt me, not Nattsun, not Ai-Ai, not anyone else._

He clenched his teeth in pain as Camus grimaced and Ai narrowed his eyes, with Ranmaru spitting out another curse aimed at Kei and Hibiki.

 _Stop trying to hurt Nattsun!_ his heart cried out, on the verge of breaking apart. _He... He doesn't deserve this... He doesn't deserve any of this! Even though you think I took_ _Aine_ _away from you, it doesn't mean that... that... you can just take my closest friend away and hurt him!_

"Who is the third perpetrator?" Camus demanded, his face morphed into an icy stare that held underlying grave concern.

"He was part of the camera crew for Shinomiya's live show," a female staff member answered, her blue eyes worried. "We're not sure you know him, but his name is-"

At the sound of the third perpetrator's name, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus all instantly froze, and Reiji's thoughts dissolved into a broken kaleidoscope of floods, breaking through every fibre of his paralyzed being. _No. No no no no no!_ He clutched the side of his fedora, clenching his teeth as he trembled uncontrollably and shook his head rapidly. _We already gave him that one and final warning. Ran-Ran, Ai-Ai,_ _Myu_ _-chan and I... we already warned that living monster to stay away from Nattsun! To never try and lay another finger on him! But now... now he's got Nattsun... Now he,_ _Ke_ _-chan and_ _Hibikin_ _have got Nattsun_ _defenseless_ _and alone and without any of us to help him, to be there to protect him... and of all the people he's alone with, it's that sicko who had laughed while torturing him that broken night... that monster..._ Tablo Ozrock.

The image of that wicked man cackling as he mocked Natsuki with a twisted smile cracked through his head like a knife slicing through a white veil and Reiji's fingers tightened around his fedora as they quivered.

_We're all supposed to be protecting him all this time... and yet... he's hurt... and maybe even broken now._

His heart was breaking like glass as the images of that particular male crashed through his head like a mercilessly cold tidal wave with the recollection of what he had done to Natsuki the broken night Reiji and the other senpais found him crying on the sidewalk.

_Tablo_ _Ozrock_ _broke Nattsun once... and we all gave our word to Nattsun that we would never let it happen ever again, that it would never happen again. Please don't let Nattsun be broken again... please don't let him and his bright, kind soul be broken all over again..._

Reiji nearly shattered into tears as he and the others all sprinted away from the staff members without much of an explanation, already formulating a plan amongst themselves with Ai searching up Kei, Hibiki and Ozrock's work phone numbers. Throughout the entire rush, Ai held his arm tightly, his way of silent reassurance that he himself was terrified to even believe.

_Please remain bright and alive when we get there, Nattsun... Please... please... We all love you. We all love you, our dearest, precious Nattsun! So please... please be okay when I get there 'cause if you aren't, I... I won't even know how... how I would even be able to forgive myself._

The broken memories of Natsuki crying and silently collapsing in his arms, his heart shattered under the glowing streetlamps and buildings of that cruel night flashed inside his head like the flames of candles that would soon melt away, piercing through him like slivers of glass.

 _I love you too much..._ a tear slipped down his right cheek, _to want to see you broken down and in tears, let alone lose you. I don't want to lose you. We don't want to, so please... please... I'm so, so sorry, Nattsun. I'm so, so sorry, Nattsun... Nattsun!_

Natsuki Shinomiya

"I haven't seen you ever since you burst out of that meeting room like the coward that you are, Shinomiya-kun."

Tablo Ozrock laughed maniacally as he grinned widely at Natsuki, his eyes glinting with dark malice.

"Looks like I got my lucky break when I caught those two fuming about you and the rest of your quintet! I would have loved to have all five of you, especially you and that fedora-loving leader of yours, right here where I want you, but you'll definitely do. I got my way with you once, so how could I not have it again?"

Natsuki could feel his body quiver like a lone flower with its petals tearing away from it in a relentless hurricane as he stared up at the cameraman who had once broken his heart, mind and soul by showing him the footage of Satsuki crashing Hayoto's concert whilst causing utter destruction. By sending cruel words stabbing through his heart like knives and making him bleed again and again. By shouting that he was a coward and a monster and a burden. By making him believe it. Shaking his head rapidly, he tried to twist his body away, only for Kei to elbow him sharply from behind and Ozrock to grab his chin and tilt it back up with a wicked sneer on his lips. 

_"You're a complete liability and burden!"_

The words were lancing through his head like a torrent of needles, torturing him like the broken memories they were.

_"A true, living, monstrous coward!"_

It had been months ever since he last saw Ozrock in that meeting room, ever since that broken night in which Reiji first took him in with a warm, tortured heart, and Natsuki had stopped looking over his shoulder to make sure Ozrock was not there. But now here that tattooed man was, grinning like a predator that was about to slowly but surely tear apart his prey as painfully as humanely possible.

_"You are!"_

And this time... no one else was physically there. He was all alone against Ozrock, Kei and Hibiki, and with his body throbbing turbulently with countless wounds and bruises, he was terrified by the cruel possibility that he would not make it through the night, that he would take his last breath here, cold and alone, with the sky holding a moon that could not save him and vacant of the stars that had glimmered against the darkness and warmed his heart.

That he would be unable to smile at and hug Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus again in this world.

_I don't want to go... I don't want to leave..._

He could feel tears burning at the back of his eyes, but he refused to let them fall as he was forced to stare at Ozrock, whose smile darkened.

_I don't want to die... and leave you here... I can't... Please, I can't..._

"As pitiful as he looks now, it seems that neither of you was exaggerating when you said that he held his ground while defending that wretched Kotobuki against you."

Ozrock glanced up at Kei and Hibiki and chuckled.

"He was such a weakling protecting himself back when I last saw him and even now. But when you drag his friends into a flipping mess, he gets all powered up like a revved engine." His eyes glinted with sadism as they bore into Natsuki's eyes again. "If Kotobuki were here, I would have loved to tear him apart piece by piece right before your eyes as revenge for that elaborately-planned confrontation that he and the rest of those senpais cornered me with." He snarled. "For a literal goof, he's sure a nuisance when he wants to be; I won't ever forget _or_ forgive him for every punch he landed on me for your sake."

"Don't hurt Rei-chan-senpai!" Natsuki cried out, his heart wrenching in pure anguish. "Don't hurt him for protecting me!"

However, Ozrock merely sniggered. "Look at you. Even under our mercy, you refuse to cooperate. You're even more worthless than I thought."

"No, I-"

"Hibiki." His grin widened.

A fist slammed against Natsuki's cheek and he yelled out in agony as more blood coursed down his chin and down onto the ground, his shoulders shaking violently. Over his thumping heart, his ears could hear Kei curse both him and Reiji as Ozrock laughed hysterically, the latter bringing icy chills running down his spine. 

"Hmm... I wonder what it'll take for you to break down and cry, since it seemed all-too easy and natural all those months ago." He pinched Natsuki's chin harshly and forced his head up with a sinister smile. "I'd have blissfully tortured Kotobuki, Kurosaki, Camus or Mikaze if they were here, but sadly, it's not possible now. However..."

His cold eyes lit up with malicious glee and he let out a low cackle.

"I have just the thing."

Ozrock cackled again and dipped his hand into his trousers' right pocket, and the object that he revealed caused Natsuki's heart to freeze. It was a small pocket knife, its edge narrow and sharp, its silver surface glinting coldly in the moonlight. Quivering even more, Natsuki tried to wrench himself away from Ozrock and the weapon, but the cameraman coerced him to remain in place as he positioned the knife against Natsuki's right cheek with a malicious smile, silently grazing his skin. Ozrock's lips twitched upwards as Natsuki winced, the tears on the verge of falling.

"You will be begging me to stop in no time."

"N-No... please don't-"

"You really should have listened to my two friends there."

"Ahh!"

Natsuki cried out in agony as Ozrock swung and sent the knife digging into his shoulder. "Stop!" But Ozrock merely chuckled darkly, pulled the knife out, and stabbed another part of his shoulder, causing him to cry out again. The purple-haired cameraman repeated it again and again, his brown eyes red with sheer lunacy, stabbing into his shoulders, his arms and then behind him on the back of his thighs and legs. and each and every time, Natsuki cried and yelled out into the night, helpless, powerless, the blood coursing out of his wounds as tears welled up in his throat. And he was asked the same questions over and over again after the end of what they called rounds, threatened to be tortured again if he still refused to leave his best friend, and even as the tears finally broke free and streamed down his face, he still shook his head and gathered the remnants of his strength to say no. There was no way that he was leaving Reiji, the closest friend he ever had. He was not, no matter what! But it had only made Ozrock cackle and exclaim that it merely meant more fun for him and proceeded to pierce the knife deeper through his skin even more.

But after a few more stabbings and cries... Ozrock spoke lowly.

"We aren't getting anything from his useless boy if we keep playing safe and sweet."

He looked around at Kei and Hibiki and smirked.

"Here's my ultimate idea."

He moved his right hand again and Natsuki's eyes dilated in sheer terror at the sight of the blade being placed on the left side of his chest, close to the heart that had been trembling and breaking in pure anguish, fear and sorrow. _W-What...?_ A few gasps were heard and Natsuki saw a panic-stricken expression on Hibiki's face as Kei suddenly began to yell at Ozrock.

"You can't be freaking serious! We agreed to kidnap and beat Shinomiya, not kill him!"

His voice was furious, but filled with underlying fear.

"Don't be crazy, Ozrock! We can't murder him in cold blood!"

"And torturing him for countless minutes with punches, kicks and stabs, along with the blindfolding and gagging, is perfectly innocuous, Kei?" Ozrock scoffed, his eyes gleaming with utter madness. "If you really want Kotobuki to suffer, the best way to do so is to stab Shinomiya, force him to bleed to death, and let Kotobuki see that this is all his fault and make him wallow in guilt as he realizes that he has lost his most precious friend. That sounds perfect, doesn't it?"

"When we let you in on the plan, you agreed that you would not kill Natsuki!" Hibiki exclaimed, losing his calm composure.

"You said that you would go to the extremities for him to break down and abandon Kotobuki, and does this not count, Hibiki?"

"We won't kill him!"

"It seems necessary for all of us to gain what we want."

"No!"

"One last chance, Shinomiya," Ozrock announced as he grabbed Natsuki's chin and forced him to look straight at him again, still holding the knife near his chest. "Are you going to finally give us what we want by leaving Kotobuki Reiji or are you going to die right here and now?"

"I won't leave Rei-chan-senpai..." Natsuki spoke with a voice barely above a broken whisper as tears slipped down his cheeks. "I won't ever leave him... the closest friend I've ever had... no matter what you do to me. But please... d-don't kill me... I don't want... Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, Maru-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai and e-everyone else... to be sad..."

He shook his head as the tears left a painful warmth lingering on his bruised cheeks.

"I don't want t-them... to cry..."

"Oh, but you know this world, Shinomiya. You can't have everything you want."

Ozrock's lips curled into a malicious smile that held neither mercy nor understanding.

"And I certainly am not giving it to you either. So bye-bye, my dear coward."

"Ahh!"

Natsuki let out a broken cry as he jerked his body away as hard as he could, only for the knife to dive through the centre of his chest, the cold agony burning through his chest. He could barely hear Kei and Hibiki shouting at a cackling Ozrock as the grip on him was suddenly released and he felt his back fall onto the cold ground, crimson blood seeping from his chest and staining the white of his tattered shirt. Staring up at the starless sky, he could hear his heartbeat wavering like a candle's flame in the wind as tears welled up in his eyes and his breaths quivered uncontrollably. _Why... Why... am... I... crying...? Does it mean... that... I... I'm dying...? No... please... I don't want... to leave..._

Warm droplets rolled down his cheeks as his eyes slowly blurred over.

_I don't want... them... to cry..._

"Nattsun!"

His heart trembled even more when he heard Reiji cry out his name from afar. "Nattsun", the dear nickname that Reiji had given him and had never failed to warm his heart. "Nattsun", the name that was being cried out in agony and was now breaking his already-broken heart inside of him. He could hardly hear Ozrock, Kei and Hibiki panicking for a moment before the knife was suddenly pulled out and they sprinted off, leaving him laying down tied up on the ground, his chest bleeding even faster than before as his eyes stared up at the cold, blue night with tears streaming down his face like rivulets.

"I... I wanted... to live with you guys... in this world... longer... than this."

His lips cracked into a broken smile as the moonlight quietly draped upon him like a blanket that could never warm him even a little, as his eyes slowly fell to the close that he was unsure would ever open again in this world, terrified would never open again in this world.

"I just... want to love you more... hug you more... warm you more..."

His heartbeat faltered as the memories, one by one, flashed inside his head, and even as his eyes blurred, he could see the precious recollections of his dearest friends, whether it was in warm sunshine or nights filled with stars, and he could barely whisper as he let out a choked sob amidst all the sadness, grief and anguish overwhelming him all at once.

"I don't want to leave y-you..." His voice quietly faded away as the tears slowly turned colder with each broken second. "P-Please... don't let me leave you..."

Reiji Kotobuki

"Nattsun! Nattsun!"

Reiji shouted out, his heart wrenching in sheer anguish and desperation.

"Where are you, Nattsun? Nattsun!"

Ai, Ranmaru and Camus also shouted out Natsuki's name as the four of them ran along the abandoned outskirt of the city, having traced Kei, Ozrock and Hibiki's cellphones to the exact same location. As they searched frantically, they had suddenly heard a cry. An excruciating, broken cry shattering through the night like knives tearing through the wings of a canary, belonging to a warm, kind voice that was usually so bright and gentle. Belonging to Natsuki, who was clearly being tortured by Kei, Hibiki and Ozrock. They had all agreed to not call any of the cellphones due to the high chances of Ozrock murdering Natsuki if they accidentally triggered his insanity, but even as they were here now, they were still terrified of what they were about to find out. Natsuki never responded back, and that was causing Reiji's heart to quiver even more than it already was. They found another alleyway and sprinted into the opening, with Reiji at the front, their heavy breathing and footsteps resounding in the hollow night as they continued calling out to their dearest friend, not willing to leave until they had found him.

"Natsuki, if you can, please call out to us!"

Ai's tone was higher than usual, flooded with unrestrained worry.

"We are looking for you and even if we have to get hurt ourselves, we will not hold back in order to get you home."

"It's over, you three lowlifes!" Ranmaru shouted, his voice blazing with seething fury. "We ain't lettin' ya get away with hurtin' Natsuki!"

"Divulge your location this instant!" Camus shouted, his voice colder than ice. "Furthermore, give us back Shinomiya!"

"Exactly what he said!"

Reiji felt his heart wrench in everyone's agony as countless thoughts, images and possibilities spun around his head like a hurricane of shards of glass and torn leaves, as uncontrollable as it was tearing him apart and breaking him into pieces. Gritting his teeth, he turned a corner and was forcing himself to run faster when his eyes suddenly dilated and he halted in his footsteps. 

_N-No..._ he muttered in his mind as he slowly shook his head, his fists quivering as he heard everyone else stop behind him. _No... is he... No, it can't be... No... no... no-_

"Nattsun!" he cried out, his voice breaking like glass.

Under the cold moonlight, Natsuki was laying down on the concrete ground, his hands bound behind his back, his legs tied together with white threads. His blond hair dishevelled, his arms were riddled with bruises and stab wounds and his lips had been bleeding, his cheeks swollen and blue with bruises. And torn open on the chest behind his white shirt that had been smudged a dark crimson... was a stab lesion at the very centre, gaping and open, crimson blood leaking out like a slow river. Crying out to his closest friend, in a blur of the moment, Reiji had sprinted to his side and dropped down to the ground and held him in his arms, desperately pressing a hand against his neck to test for a pulse, trying to ignore the sobs clawing at his throat and the trembles of his body.

"His heart is still beating, b-but I... can barely feel it there. Like it's almost gone..."

Reiji looked around at Ai, Camus and Ranmaru, tears stinging his eyes.

"Please call an ambulance! One of you, please!"

Without a second of hesitation, Camus took his ice-blue cellphone out of his pocket and began dialling the emergency line, but his eyes remained grim and anguished as they never left the motionless Natsuki as Ranmaru and Ai began to quickly untie the sunshine blond. His breath quavering, Reiji pressed a trembling hand against the bleeding lesion, choking on his sobs as warm tears trickled down his cheeks and his heart shattered in his chest and its pieces rained down and pierced through him mercilessly. As Camus yelled at the recipient of the call, his normally-stoic composure breaking like ice, Ai kept a hand on Natsuki's neck to check his pulse and Ranmaru helped Reiji apply pressure to the open wound, both of their expressions as anguished as they were terrified. The tears continued to fall as he stared with pure agony at Natsuki, whose face was pallid and bruised with a few cuts, his eyes closed painfully, the remnants of what appeared to be blood and tears remaining on his cheeks as his expression was as heartbreaking as it was broken.

"Nattsun... Please stay alive... please... please... stay... stay with us... please..."

His voice cracked, but he did not care as even more anguish shattered through his heart.

"I'm sorry, Nattsun... I'm so, so sorry... We all love you so, so dearly, so please... please don't go..."

"How long will it take for the ambulance to come, Camus?"

"3-5 minutes."

"No..."

Ai's eyes were wide in anguish as his fingers pressed against Natsuki's neck.

"His heartbeat is gradually slowing down, and it is already as faint as it is."

"They'd better freaking hurry up and get over here!" Ranmaru yelled, his voice burning with desperation and fear, just like the look in his heterochromatic eyes, as he stared down at Natsuki. He gritted his teeth. "Hang in there, Natsuki. Even if you can't hear us all yellin' here, please... just hang in there and stay with us!"

On the cold, night sky, the moon was silently glowing, wordlessly watching over them as its white glow gazed down upon them, unable to help them, unable to save them. It was the night's chandelier, the coldest, cruellest chandelier, for it was shining brilliantly even as it knew of their tears, sobs and cries, their sorrow, anguish and torture, and merely kept watching without a single trace of forgiveness or kindness. While he kept one hand pressed against the chest wound along with Ranmaru's hand, his other hand grasped Natsuki's right hand tightly, terrified of what might happen to their best friend. As the five of them stayed alone in this cold, shattered night, under the cruel chandelier that only shed light on their broken souls, Reiji tightened his fingers around Natsuki's hand as the warm tears slid down his face and his lips quivered under the fedora.

_It's always... the person that means the most to me... my dearest, dearest person._

His body quivered as his heart's pieces pierced even deeper and made him bleed.

_Why... is it always... them...? W... Why...?_

_"I don't want you to be sad."_

And into the shattered night in the light of the cold moon, with the memories of his best friend giving him the kindest, warmest and purest smiles that anyone had ever given him, of the tears that had fallen and how they had glimmered, of how he never left even until this very moment...

_"I want to be there for you when you are hurt, to smile with you when you truly want to smile, to cry with you when you feel like crying."_

He gritted his teeth and unable to take it anymore...

_"I didn't... want anyone... to stop smiling."_

He screamed into the cold abyss.

" _Nattsun_!"

_"I promise... Rei-chan-senpai... Ai-chan..."_

_"The nightscape's chandelier is so cruel_

_Almost igniting a man's true intentions"_

_"Tell me you're not burdened by this adult attitude_

_I can't seem to do anything right"_

-"Never...", by Reiji Kotobuki (Showtaro Morikubo)


	48. Fragments of Moonlight

Reiji Kotobuki

If it had been an ordinary night, Reiji would be at the apartment, in his shared bedroom with Natsuki.

_"Ordinary" does not do justice to how beautiful the moments were..._

The two of them would be laying in bed, under the warm viridian quilt, the night lamp glowing with an incandescent tangerine, the curtains billowing gently by the glass window. Ai would always join them in the room to hang out, but when his scheduled bedtime came, he would return to the living room area that served as his shared bedroom with Ranmaru. There may be two mugs - a yellow one and a green one - filled with hot chocolate, relaxing tea, milk tea, or hot water - from which white vapour would silently spiralling up the dimly-lit air in graceful wisps. They may already be asleep, laying next to each other, normally facing each other, serenity on their faces as their eyes slowly slid shut. They may be hugging their plushies, with Reiji's one and only plushie being the star plushie that Natsuki had given him months ago on a night of rain and warmth.

They may be cuddling and hugging in their sleep, which happened almost all the time.

_Maybe calling them "ordinary" sounds like quite the lie, actually..._

One of them may have been crying out and screaming from broken dreams and dark nightmares, and whenever that happened, the other would immediately wake up and hold him as tightly as possible, whispering that none of them were leaving him, that he was not leaving, with an earnest smile that warmed the heart, the sincere desire to be right here and never walk away, to do anything to make them smile again.

_Because every night is special..._

But regardless what happened that night, they remained beside each other and would wake up knowing with the deep warmth in their hearts that they had been, just like always.

_Because you are with me, just like I am with you._

"You're really going to be right here every night... right?"

Reiji raised his head from Natsuki's chest to look up into his best friend's green eyes, his heart filled with sheer fear and anguish. Even as quiet as his voice was, he could hear it trembling as the tears threatened to fall.

"You're not leaving me no matter what, right?"

It was after a cruel nightmare that had left his heart shattered across his soul as tears cascaded down his cheeks. In that nightmare, he had returned to the afternoon after idol work, only to discover that Natsuki, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus had left without any explanation, any warning. Upon shaking him awake and helping him calm himself down, Natsuki had gently pulled him into his warm, welcoming arms and hugged him tightly, whispering consoling, kind words that embraced his heart like a heartfelt, sentimental melody with the light of the stars. Amidst the heartbreak and sorrow that he felt towards Reiji as they sat on the bed in the quiet night, Natsuki's eyes eased into a pure, innocuous smile that he would never hesitate to give those whom he loved dearly, and he gave him a quiet but firm nod as he spoke in a near whisper.

"I love you. All of you."

Natsuki placed the star plushie on Reiji's lap and his smile softened as he took Reiji's hands into his own, intertwined their fingers, and gave them a slow, gentle squeeze, their eyes never leaving each other's.

"I won't leave you. Neither will I ever want to. Like how the moon watches over its stars, like the wind that breezes by the leaves of the sleeping trees, I, along with Ai-chan, Myu-chan-senpai and Maru-chan-senpai, will be right here, our hearts beating with yours, our pulses intertwining like a bright, colourful song. It doesn't matter how many mistakes you make or how many tears fall, because we love you for who you are."

Even though they were indoors, Natsuki's words made him feel like the scenery had changed and that they were back sitting by the river glimmering under the moonlight, an ocean of stars twinkling soundlessly but gorgeously above them, sharing warmth in the coolness of the silent night. He gently let go of Reiji's left hand to place his own right hand on the left side of Reiji's chest, his green eyes as kind as they were solemn and earnest.

"We will always hold you and protect you, just like you've done for us."

And on that same night that they spent together like every other night, that may appeared ordinary to others but was wholeheartedly, incredibly special to them nevertheless, Reiji had promised the exact same thing in regards to all four of them. To Natsuki, to Ai, to Ranmaru, and to Camus. More than anything, with all that he was, he wanted to hold them and be there for them too, to be able to protect them from anyone and anything, including his own past and the ghosts within it. From the deepest depths of his heart, Reiji truly wished that tonight had been just like that one, just like all those other nights, with the two of them laying next to each other, holding each other, their hearts smiling and knowing the very fact that they would always stay true to themselves and the promises that they had made. He truly wished that tonight was just like that, as simple as it was beautiful, as innocuous as it was seemingly ordinary but sincerely special. He wished, deeply, deeply wished, that it was so.

But it wasn't.

They were not in their shared bedroom at the apartment.

They weren't laying next to each other.

And their hearts... weren't smiling.

Not even a little.

The night had been shattered by piercing screams, cries and shouts, drowned by red sirens and crimson blood, engulfed by the broken pieces of the heart, soul and mind, the past and the present destroying each other, overshadowed by the cold, cruel darkness that threatened to swallow him alive again and again like the waves that kept crashing into the most vulnerable of crevices. Warm tears did not and could not stop rolling down his cheeks and falling onto the ground as Reiji sat in the waiting room in front of the emergency room beside Ai and across from Ranmaru and Camus, his grey eyes barely open, his teeth clenched in pure torture as his heart quivered in all its brokenness and his head remained hung.

_Please... save him... please..._

Upon getting off the ambulance and sprinting as the nurses and doctors wheeled Natsuki on a gurney, the four of them had been forced to remain in the waiting room while they tended to the blond, and Camus and Ai had to restrain Ranmaru from yelling at the doctors to let them enter the emergency room. Reiji could not raise his head from his open palms that had been stained with Natsuki's blood from trying to keep his heart beating as they desperately prayed for the ambulance to arrive, and the memory of it brought an overwhelming sense of nausea and anguish constricting his tortured heart. He could not forget how the heart-wrenching sight of Natsuki shattered and defenseless on the concrete ground, his hands and legs tied by white string, his lesions bleeding with a deep crimson that glimmered under the cruel moonlight. He could not forget how limp and motionless the bright and kind blond was in his arms, his skin sickly pale and painfully cold, not a single quiet syllable slipping from his lips even as all four of them spoke and shouted and cried out to him, calm and stoic exteriors cracking and ultimately shattering, hearts bleeding and screaming without any restraint. He could not forget the ice-blue glow of Camus' ice magic desperately healing as much of Natsuki's injuries as possible, the red sirens blaring and flashing, the emotions flooding his friends' eyes throughout every broken moment and each second of it.

And he could never forget the remnants of tears that glimmered on Natsuki's cheeks and the broken agony and anguish torturing his expression and how his eyes remained squeezed shut, and every single piece of that merciless, gut-wrenching ordeal was breaking him more and more like anguished torrents of rain and needles, leaving him drenched and bleeding in his tears, guilt and grief as he prayed, hoped and wished that Natsuki would wake up, that the doctors and nurses would be able to save him and let him open his eyes again. As Ai kept a consoling arm wrapped gently around him, Reiji felt tears stinging his eyes as he let out a choked sob and he squeezed the teal-haired boy's hand tightly, grasping, his heart on the verge of collapsing amidst its ruined fragments.

 _They tortured him._ The words tortured him like a flood slamming against a dying leaf. Repeating again and again with their wretched melody. _They kidnapped him, beat him and tried to kill him, to take away his life, all when all he's ever been is warm and kind and innocent and someone who would do anything to protect any of us regardless how painful it was. They did all that... because of me. Because he protected me regardless of what was said or done. Because he loved. Because he cared._

_They made him suffer... because of me, even after I promised with all of me... that I would protect him. Nattsun... Nattsun..._

He squeezed his eyes shut, his hands and lips trembling uncontrollably.

_I'm so, so sorry I failed you... when you've always been there for me... when you've always, always loved me._

"His heart is still beating. The doctors and nurses confirmed it, and we felt his pulse ourselves."

Camus' voice was calm, quiet and cautious, but Reiji could hear the anguish beneath its silent steadiness.

"Shinomiya will live. He must."

"As faint as his heartbeat was, I choose to believe in the possibilities that he will," Ai spoke, his voice barely audible, "that they can stabilize his condition and restore his consciousness. But... thinking of what happened to Natsuki and all that is happening and could be happening now... It feels as though there is something shattering brokenly and compressing forcefully in my heart, something more overwhelming than sadness, more torturous than pain, crueller than anguish. This is painful... so, so painful."

Reiji slowly opened his eyes and turned his head to Ai, who was already looking at him with fragments of emotions glistening in his teal eyes. His eyes widened when he saw a tiny droplet slip out of Ai's right eye and dribble down his cheek.

"This... is heartbreak... and grief. I just want Natsuki safe." His lips were twisted in pure sorrow as another tear slipped down his cheek. "I just want Natsuki to be safe and bright and alive, and seeing him like this... is giving me tears."

"This is all messed up!"

Slamming a fist against the dull hospital wall, Ranmaru gritted his teeth, his head hung as his narrowed heterochromatic eyes blazed with anguished emotions.

"I don't freaking care who they are and what it freaking takes, but those three scums will freaking, freaking pay for all that they've done. Because of them, Natsuki's right there, in the emergency room, fighting for his freaking life when he shouldn't be in the first place! Those lowlifes - no, _sickos_ \- hurt him, beat him and tortured him to the point that his heart was barely even beating when we got to him and if we hadn't come as soon as we did... he..."

His body tottered uncontrollably as a broken curse slipped out of his lips. Beside Ranmaru, Camus gritted his teeth, his normally-prideful eyes lowered to the ground in deep, unmasked agony.

"They nearly _killed_ him!" Ranmaru roared, his face blotched crimson as hot tears rolled down his cheeks. "We nearly lost Natsuki! His heart is close to collapse, his wound was still bleeding no matter how hard we pressed, and what about his mind and soul...? His emotions... He... He's bleeding as his eyes remain shut like that. They tortured him and it still hasn't ended, not for him, not for any of us, when it shouldn't have been like that..."

His voice cracked audibly as it rose like screaming flames as Reiji felt his own body tremble with his eyes wide with tears.

"When he never deserved a _single_ freaking blow in the first place! Why... Why couldn't they just leave us alone? Why couldn't they just leave all five of us alone?"

The sobs choked and clawed their way out of Reiji's throat, shattering any minuscule effort to refrain them from coming out, and within a broken moment, he found himself crying harder, burying his face into his right hand and squeezing Ai's hand with his left one, warm tears pouring down his face in a quavering rhythm too cruel to be a soothing melody. His body racked with broken emotions, he could feel Ai pull him closer as he heard someone shift and footsteps approaching the two of them. And before he knew it, two more people had joined the broken huddle, with a trembling hand gripping his shoulder tightly and more quavering breaths were released in an uneven dissonance. Amidst the flawful, excruciating silence, the four of them did not need words to know that they all wished for the exact same things. They wanted Natsuki to open his eyes again. To see them again. To be conscious and bright again with his warm and kind heart beating with earnest words and emotions. They wanted to erase the pain. The sorrow, the anguish, the grief. For he did not deserve to be hurt in the first place. For he was their dearest, dearest friend who would without hesitation sacrifice himself for them if he had to, who loved them no matter what, as innocent and loving he was.

_Please live... Nattsun..._

His eyes having fallen to a painful close, he gripped at Ranmaru's T-shirt and squeezed tightly as his tears drenched the fabric, his thoughts, memories and emotions spiralling like a hurricane of flames, gales and leaves, tearing at one another as much as they were tearing him apart like the hope that he was terrified to see slip out of his fingers like the tears that he was never meant to hold.

_Please don't leave us... please..._

At that moment, the doors to the emergency room swung open, the heaviness of their sound reverberating coldly amidst their fractured hearts.

Immediately, the four of them pulled away, with Reiji inadvertently noticing Camus swiping a hand against his eyes, and saw an elderly doctor walking briskly towards them. The older man halted in his footsteps when he was directly in front of them, a momentarily flash of pain crossing his features, only for his expression to forcefully revert back to a grave one. Letting out a shaky exhale, Reiji uttered the question that they all desperately wanted immediate answers to:

"Is Nattsun going to be alright, doctor?"

"Your friend, he... he lost a substantial amount of blood," the doctor began, his voice wavering for a moment before he managed to keep it calm and even. "His injuries range from bruises and scratches to head concussions to stab wounds, with the most severe one being the wound at the centre of his chest. However, he is extremely fortunate that you found him the moment you had, because a moment later... we may not have been able to save him."

"But?" Ranmaru pressed, his teeth gritted, catching onto the hesitation in the doctor's tone. "There's something more to that, isn't there?"

"Natsuki Shinomiya's heart is slowly but gradually stabilizing," the doctor answered after flinching briefly, "but... he was deprived of an adequate amount of oxygen and as I stated before, lost quite the amount of blood, so as much as he is alive..."

The doctor's eyes were tight with pain and the next words shattered Reiji all over again.

"He is currently in a coma, and we are unable to tell when he will regain consciousness and wake up. Kotobuki-san, everyone... I am so, so sorry."

Camus

"What would Natsuki be saying if he could speak to us right now?"

"He would be telling us to not cry," Ai answered, his voice barely above a painful whisper, his teal eyes lowered. "To smile even if he can't, to take care of one another, to hold onto one another and let out hearts remain warm and bright and strong, to sing and dance with our inimitable melody even if he is unable to move like this... But all of it... is easier to be said than done."

He quietly shook his head.

"How can he expect us to do any of that... without him...?"

"Exactly," Ranmaru agreed, his teeth and fists clenched as he spun around to look down at the comatose Natsuki. "And I dare freaking bet that that is exactly what he's wishing for all of us even as his eyes remain shut like that. If you can hear us, Natsuki... stop being freaking kind and selfless even for our sake already!"

He was scowling, but even as his tone was raised, it was extremely clear that none of that anger was aimed at Natsuki.

"Be selfish for once and rest so that you can open your eyes again, you hear me?" he yelled.

Reiji hung his head even more as Camus gritted his teeth, neither of them able to say a single syllable that could alleviate the pain and sorrow hovering above everyone in the room. Inside a vacant hospital room, Natsuki laid on a diminutive white bed, having been transferred from the emergency room, now only wearing hospital clothes that consisted of a loose, white T-shirt and slacks pants. His forehead had been wrapped in white gauze, just like other severely injured parts of his body, including his chest. He was tucked underneath a blue blanket with his body from his chest to his feet covered, while his head laid propped against a white pillow, and there were multifarious tubes connecting him to machines that Camus mainly did not know the names of, with a green, translucent mask linked to a BiPAP machine worn over his mouth and nose. The machines emitted regular beeping sounds that not once diminished the broken emotions in the room as Natsuki's eyes remained closed, his serene expression deceiving for his heart was not at all at peace, the fawn plushie that the four of them had gifted him last Christmas tucked next to him on the bed.

_The head doctor, Mr Agatsuma, did mention that as unpredictable as the time of reawakening is, there is a sliver of possibility that Shinomiya could awaken in a few days' time, perhaps a week or two. However... none of us dare place all of our hope into that minuscule possibility, for what could end up as an alternative reality... may as well end up destroying us if we hope too blindly._

Camus' heart, as frozen as it may appear on a daily basis, explicitly thawed and faltered as he stood beside Ai by Natsuki's bedside, clenching at emptiness as tight as it was too excruciating to deny.

_Do not keep us waiting for long, Shinomiya, as selfish of a wish it may be._

Across from Camus and Ai, at the other side of the bed, Reiji soundlessly watched over Natsuki with his grey eyes barely open and glassy with tears as Ranmaru squeezed his eyes shut in sheer torture. As much of a demand as his thoughts looked to be, in actuality... it was more of a silent plead that had Camus throwing his typical pride away if it meant their beloved friend awakening sooner.

_We want and need you, and every moment that passes without you being truly present... wrenches our hearts._

The tapping of knuckles against the wooden door made Camus, Ranmaru and Ai swivel around to face the door, which opened only to reveal Ren. During the rush to the suburbs to find and rescue Natsuki, they had contacted Ren and enlisted his help for alternative measures, in case of the scenario that a third party would be required amidst dealing with the situation in hand. Camus had been the one in contact with Ren, who had been on the way to the suburbs, ever since they found Natsuki in the alleyway, and he had stated that he would meet everyone at the hospital. The orange-haired saxophonist from STARISH gave them all a nod as a greeting and whispered, "Bukky," when he noticed that Reiji's head remained lowered. He then turned to the bed and his eyes dilated as an appalled gasp slipped from his lips despite his normally-nonchalant demeanour.

"S-Shinomi..." Pain flashed across Ren's blue eyes as his voice quivered.

Reiji quietly turned and gave Ren a wordless nod, his grey eyes tight with torturous anguish as his hand gave a comatose Natsuki's hand a tight squeeze, his lips pursed into an expression that implied that he was attempting to not break down right here and now. As Ren let out a painful exhale and clenched his teeth, Camus felt his cellphone vibrate inside his trousers' pocket. Frowning, Camus stepped away from the group, took the cellphone out, and checked the notifications, only to find new messages from one of his men. He opened the chat box and narrowed his eyes at the photos that were sent along with an address.

 _Any attempt to escape has been rendered absolutely futile for those hideous imbeciles,_ Camus thought to himself darkly.

Camus had personally dispatched his men to locate those three assailants that were even more worthless than the most useless of fools and more heinous than the most heartless of animals, informing them to not take immediate action but instead, report directly to him once the guilty party were in sight. Thanks to his men's joint efforts, although he did not explicitly state it as a response in text, Hibiki Katagiri, Kei Otonami and Tablo Ozrock had zero chances of slipping out of their grasps and evading the repercussions of subjecting a vulnerable Natsuki to that barbaric abuse. He looked up from his cellphone and found Ranmaru already facing him, the silver-haired rocker's narrowed heterochromatic eyes reading, _Have those lowlifes worthy of death been found so that we can crush the living daylights out of them all?_ Ai and Reiji turned to him as well, the former's arm wrapped around the latter's back, both of them quietly inquiring what happened amidst the pain in their eyes. Ren also turned, his blue eyes telling Camus that he wanted to be involved here as well, and spoke before anyone else could.

"I know that I am not in this quintet, but Shinomi's my friend too."

Ren's eyes were serious as his voice remained soft and even.

"If there is anything else to do, I want in too. Please."

In ordinary circumstances, Camus would have genuinely preferred it if the only people involved in their personal affairs were merely the five of them themselves, so in this case, since Natsuki was in a comatose state, the most ideal scenario for Camus would be if this matter was handled by only himself, Ranmaru, Ai and Reiji, precisely like that Saturday many months ago in which they had cornered Ozrock by their own means in order to ensure that he never set foot into Natsuki's life ever again. Which apparently failed just about the worst possible way, but this time, it was endgame. However, in addition to that, Camus did understand that if his own friend had been brutally assaulted to the point that he was in a comatose state and he was in Ren's place, he would most certainly desire to avenge their friend too. And in terms of trust, perhaps Ren had truly proved to be worthy of it after all that they had been through these past months. Camus shifted his eyes over to his three conscious band members, quietly questioning if they approved of Ren's involvement in their future plan.

 _Well?_ his eyes conveyed.

"I think it's okay for Ren-Ren to be here."

Reiji, who had been silent the entire time, gave Ren a weak smile and was the first to nod.

"Anything for Nattsun."

Ai smiled slightly and agreed as well. Ranmaru examined his assigned kouhai with a deep frown, his heterochromatic eyes near inscrutable, before sighing and giving Camus a curt nod. "As long as he doesn't get in the way, I ain't complainin'."

Camus nodded. "Very well." He scanned the room to ensure that there were no CCTV cameras before speaking with a lowered voice. "Listen carefully. Jinguji, under no circumstances can you bring anyone else into this or let a word slip to anyone, even Aijima and the rest of STARISH. Do you understand?"

Ren nodded without any form of hesitation. "Understood, Baron."

"Good. Now, here is what my men have found."

The cellphone screen lit up and Camus held out the phone to Reiji, Ranmaru, Ai and Ren, displaying the chat box. As he swiped his thumb from image to image, all which displayed the location and the three heinous fiends, while explaining the findings, Camus could not help but silently think to himself about how, before the night that they first found and saved Natsuki, their group did not have nearly this much democracy amidst every single aspect, whether it was in idol work or personal business. Other than Reiji, no one else in QUARTET NIGHT was inclined to go out of their way to lend a helping hand to any other member, let alone sacrifice themselves for the others. It was not incorrect to call the former QUARTET NIGHT "dysfunctional", for it was the truth. However, Natsuki changed- no, transformed that for all of them. As much as Camus had noticed the sudden but steady evolution of the group ever since Natsuki's addition even when the latter was not yet an official band member, he had not expected circumstances to turn out the way they were, to end up caring nearly as much as he did now about the people around him and things such as kindness, empathy and sacrifice. But he would not have it any other way, let alone change a single factor.

_With this unity that you, Kurosaki, Mikaze, Kotobuki and I now share thanks to you, Shinomiya..._

Camus looked down at the unconscious Natsuki, his heart clenching in his chest as his eyes softened at the painful sight before them.

_We will avenge you and will be awaiting your return, regardless how much time it takes. That... is our oath to you._

Ranmaru Kurosaki

No one slept that night.

Ranmaru had laid on the red sofa, staring up at the ceiling, while Camus has retreated to his bedroom and Reiji had gone into his own with Ai. But it had only taken less than thirty minutes for everyone to gather in the living room, agreeing that this was guaranteed to be their sleepless night, and ended up sitting there with mugs of decaf coffee amidst the painfully quiet night. Even if he could have dozed off, Ranmaru would not have done so. He did not want to. He did not want to fall asleep, only to be plunged into a black abyss and dragged into a heinous, broken nightmare of them losing Natsuki. Of all those haunting "what if"s and "we failed"s and "almost"s. In the dimly-lit room, Ranmaru sat beside Camus while Ai and Reiji sat next to each other, all of them clearly thinking of the same person, the same pain, the same torture, as they waited for this broken, broken night to end.

 _When the new day comes, we'll give the police all that we've gathered thanks to Camus' people_ , Ranmaru thought, clenching his teeth. _As much as we would have wanted to handle this ourselves and give those lowlifes a beating and more, doing that means that the case may not hold up in court. I ain't good at all this formal stuff - that's Camus' area, not mine - but if it means that those three fiends will be locked up in the slammer and will be nowhere near Natsuki ever again, I'd better get content with just being able to tag along and watching 'em bein' brought away and give my all in court._

_We'd all better be._

Everyone here was holding a plushie in their hands. Reiji held a star plushie; Ai had a blue penguin plushie; Ranmaru held a kitten plushie; and Camus had a puppy plushie. All those plushies were gifts from Natsuki, for reasons that were often unorthodox but also dear and precious. Camus' dog Alexander laid its head on his owner's lap, whimpering softly, and the platinum-blond wordlessly stroked its fur, assuring it that Natsuki was still breathing and would eventually return. Although he was usually embarrassed to be caught holding onto any plush toy, Ranmaru lowered his head to the grey-white-and-magenta kitten plushie in his arms, pressed it close to his chest, and clutched it tightly as he squeezed his eyes shut.

_We all will, Natsuki._

...

"Kei Otonami, Hibiki Katagiri, Tablo Ozrock, you are all under arrest for the kidnapping, physical assault, stabbing and attempted murder of Natsuki Shinomiya."

"What the-"

"You have the right to be silent and the right to have an attorney present at the trial," the chief officer stated, pinning Kei's arms behind his back as he handcuffed the indignant man. "You do not have the right to see an attorney before the trial or have one present during the interrogations. In the case that you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you."

"We didn't freaking try to kill the guy! Let us go!"

"And they still dare deny it," Ranmaru muttered, his blood boiling with rage as he stood between Ren and Reiji, scowling as he watched the police officers arrest Kei, Hibiki and Ozrock and lead them towards the police cars. "These scums..."

He gritted his teeth, barely resisting the violent urge to walk up to those three and punch the living daylights out of them.

"They tortured an innocent boy and they don't feel a single shred of regret? Just what kind of people are they?"

Camus, Ai, Reiji, Ranmaru and Ren stood on the other side of the old grey picket fences encircling the house, which belonged to one of Ozrock's cousins, as the red sirens of the police vehicles blared and shouts, shrieks and protests reverberated in the otherwise-dead air. As soon as they had had their breakfast, all four senpais met up with Ren, who had snuck out of Shining's mansion in order to not be caught by the rest of STARISH and clearly had not gotten much sleep either, at the police station where they all had their statements taken and requested that they went with the police to watch the three perpetrators be arrested for what they had done to Natsuki. They had all made sure to cancel all of their scheduled idol work for the day, but even if they hadn't managed to, Ranmaru was sure that no one had any problems about ditching for this cause. Ranmaru kept a firm hand on top of Reiji's left shoulder, knowing that this was the most painful for the brunet amongst every single one of them.

"Ke-chan... Hibikin..."

Reiji's shoulders trembled as the nicknames of his former friends slipped from between his lips in a mutter, anguish and betrayal pooling in his grey eyes as he stared at the duo.

"W... Why...?"

Ai tightened his arm wrapped around Reiji as the policemen with the arrested Kei and Hibiki drew closer to where Ren and the senpais were, and Ranmaru gritted his teeth, bracing himself for what was to come. Yelling at the officer forcing him away, Kei snapped his head around, only for his eyes to directly fall upon the group, specifically Reiji. Kei's eyes dilated but soon darkened with sheer hate and fury as Reiji clenched his teeth and the anguish in his grey eyes intensified like haunting shadows.

"So you're ruining our lives too now, Kotobuki?"

Kei snarled, his voice leaking with pure spite.

"You're why Aine's gone and now you want us to disappear from your sight too?" he shrieked.

"Kei and I were not the ones who tried to kill Natsuki, Reiji!" Hibiki shouted, his voice pleading and desperate. "But Kei's right; none of this would have happened if you hadn't done what you have. You could have admitted your flaws and mistakes and surrender back in that live. If you had, Reiji, we wouldn't all be here in the first place!"

"You hurt Nattsun," Reiji stated, his body trembling even more as his voice cracked. "I never blamed either of you for hating me and even agreed to let you do as you wanted to me, but you dragged the people I love and care about the most into our problems. You keep saying that I took Aine away from you, but you... you two and Ozrock... you did not spare any mercy in your hearts and tortured Nattsun. You know what it's like to lose someone you love and care about and yet you went on ahead and hurt the person we love and care about the most, our dearest person, to the point that he was on the verge of _dying_ when we found him in that alleyway."

"And whose fault would that h-"

"All yours, of freaking course!" Ranmaru snapped, gripping Reiji's shoulder even tighter as he glared coldly at the former creative producers. "Are you two dimwits seriously still tryin' to blame Reiji for this? You keep claimin' about your pain from the past. Well, do you know what it's like to look for your friend, only to find him bleeding to death all alone, helpless, broken and barely breathing?" His voice was getting higher and higher, but he did not freaking, freaking _care_. "Do you know how useless we all felt as we stayed there with him, trying everything we could to keep him alive when the ambulance came? How it felt when we kept yelling and shouting and screaming as we saw the cold tears on his face that had almost always smiled? He was innocent and you..."

Ranmaru's throat was burning and raw with broken emotions.

"You're still using your past to justify all that rubbish? To justify _abusing_ the kindest friend we've ever known?"

"As much as you are entitled to have an attorney with you during trial, I highly doubt that any attempt to deceivingly convince the jury that you have even a shred of innocence in your bones will be anything beyond pathetic," Camus stated, his ice-blue eyes glaring coldly at Kei and Hibiki. "Keep prattling away and I am sure that you will eventually reduce your own case into nothing more than mere ashes, as though that is not what it originally was and currently is."

"You don't have any freaking evidence against us!" Kei taunted as he tried to lunge at Reiji. Immediately, Ranmaru placed an arm in front of the brunet.

"Oh, I am afraid you are-"

"Well, well, well. As much as I'd love these handcuffs off me, I'm in for a treat seeing the four original QUARTET NIGHT members again."

It took every fibre of strength in Ranmaru's entire being to reign his anger and resentment in as he swivelled around to face the psychopath whose lips were spread into a wide, sickening grin that made him simultaneously want to throw up and shove a fist at his mouth. Boy was Ranmaru freaking _glad_ that he took his chances and punched and kicked that sicko the Saturday he, Ai, Camus and Reiji went after him for shattering Natsuki that broken night months ago - at least he got to do it then. Reiji gritted his teeth and Ai, Ren and Camus glared as Tablo Ozrock staggered towards them, a policeman restraining him from behind, the cameraman's lips twitching as his brown eyes glinted with dark malice. Ozrock whipped his head around and cackled, not at all fazed by their reactions towards his presence - no, _existence_.

_As much as Kei and Hibiki are worse than trash themselves, I can freaking bet that this guy is the one who stabbed Natsuki on the chest._

Ranmaru balled his fists even harder, his heart blazing with wildfire.

_He had better get sentenced to life, if not the death penalty._

"Looks like you all got yourselves worked up." Ozrock laughed again, his eyes gleaming with lunacy. "What's wrong? Oh, that's right. I'm being arrested for supposedly kidnapping, torturing, and nearly killing your friend. Well? Nearly, huh?"

Ozrock scoffed, his lips twitching into a sickening smile.

"Why ain't he dead? I was looking forward to seeing the looks on your faces after you found his corpse."

"Stop!" Reiji shouted, his grey eyes tortured with hurt and anger as Ranmaru scowled darkly at the purple-haired sicko. "Don't say that! Don't say another word involving Nattsun when you know what you've-"

"You know, my comrades Kei and Hibiki here aren't wrong claiming that Shinomiya-kun's anguish is indeed your fault."

"Ozrock," Ai's tone was warning, "it would be best if you stop talking and-"

"Kei and Hibiki would have let him go if only he agreed to leave you," Ozrock continued as though he had not heard Ai, his eyes boring into Reiji's as he laughed maniacally. "Literally, all he had to do was agree to it, that's it! But that naive, imbecilic boy... He wouldn't budge!" He shook his head in disbelief, letting out a few laughs that spiked Ranmaru's anger even more. "All the way until I positioned the knife by his chest-"

"Ozrock, shut up!" Kei shrieked.

"- he kept stating that he'd never leave you."

"Your words will ruin our case!" Hibiki cried out.

"He was on the ground, at times blindfolded, at times gagged, defenseless against all those punches, kicks, slams and throws, bruised and bleeding all over, and he _still_ refused to give us what we wanted, all because he loves you."

"Stop speaki-" Ren started.

"You, Kotobuki Reiji. You." Ozrock sneered as Reiji stared in anguish and guilt, the latter's body shaking. "His love, selflessness and devotion to you are precisely why he screamed and cried out into that starless night, why he was left there bleeding. Maybe that's what happened with that best friend of yours... Kisaragi Aine. Maybe he was so devoted to you too and lost himself because of it. How laughable yet plain clear."

Ozrock smirked widely.

"After all, whoever ends up being the closest to you winds up dying eventua-"

"Enough!"

Ai, the calmest and most patient amongst the five here, yelled as his eyes glowed with a cold, unforgiving look. His arms were now holding Reiji, whose body was trembling uncontrollably, agony and trauma flooding his grey eyes as he stared straight at Ozrock, tears streaming down his cheeks as his hands trembled at his side. Focusing an icy glare on Ozrock, Ai proceeded, unfazed by the older man's maniacal laughter and grin, and turned to the officers.

"Take them away." His voice was silent. "Please."

Ozrock merely cackled as more police officers began dragging him away along with Kei and Hibiki, the three criminals being forced into separate police cars. Within five minutes, the police cars drifted away and into the distance, taking those three lowlifes out of their sight, but did not bring with them the shattered emotions dwelling in the grey winter sky. Cursing at the wretched trio under his breath, Ranmaru felt his heart wrench in pain as he turned to face Reiji, who sank deeper into Ai's arms as broken sniffles and sobs spilled out of his lips and he could not stop trembling. The brunet's face was buried in Ai's shoulder as his hands clung to the fabric of the younger boy's lilac shirt, and the fact that Reiji had nearly lost not only Natsuki but also _Aine_ , two of his closest friends, at different points in his life and had both realities crashing down on him now cracked at Ranmaru's soul all over again. And even now... Reiji had been blamed for the tremendous suffering of both of his dearest friends when he had been nothing but kind and caring and _innocent_.

Reiji did not deserve to be shouldering it all alone.

He shouldn't be carrying that blame at all from the very beginning.

As Camus ran a hand up and down Reiji's quivering back and Ren softly muttered that none of this was Reiji's fault, Ranmaru inched closer to the brunet and threaded his fingers along his soft brown hair as delicately as he could manage, knowing that this was his friend at his lowest, most wrecked and broken state. The Reiji who had flashed wide, bright smiles and shook the maracas with shining grey eyes could no longer crack even a slight smile to conceal how he truly felt. The Reiji who had tried all he could to stay strong for all of them had crumbled in their company, not even able to say even the smallest syllable to assure them that he was okay. It was times like these that made the cold truth of what QUARTET NIGHT would have been without Natsuki and Reiji shatter through Ranmaru's heart and he squeezed his eyes shut as he let out a faltering exhale and pressed Reiji's head against Ai's shoulder a little.

_They just won't let him be free of that burden, huh...?_

Ranmaru gritted his teeth as Reiji tried to speak, only for his voice to dissolve into choked sobs like fragile bubbles drowning into waves.

_Even when all he's ever done is care... even if it destroyed him, even if the ones who destroyed him... were-_

Loud vibration disrupted the already-torturous atmosphere. Reiji slowly raised his head, clearly having the intention to answer the phone with his considerate self coming through regardless how broken he was inside, but Ranmaru beat him to it and pulled the cellphone out of the older male's pocket to see who the moron with the absurd timing was. Ranmaru cursed when he saw whom it was and picked it up and put it on speaker mode. "Shining, I swear if this is another one of your ridiculous i-"

"I am well aware that Katagiri, Ozrock and Otonami are in the police's custody."

"Yeah, they are-"

"I am currently at the hospital with Mr Kizuna and his family, as well as Mr Sakai," the head of Shining agency continued, his normally-flamboyant voice grave and holding not a single trace of its usual cheer. "I would like for you, Mr Mikaze, Mr Camus and Mr Kotobuki to meet me in the room that Mr Shinomiya is currently residing in."

Camus was frowning while Ai's teal eyes were serious as he kept an arm around Reiji, whose tearful grey eyes were widened in pain, anxiousness and fear. As Ren looked at the senpais with a curious but concerned expression, Ranmaru clenched his teeth, mentally cursing in his head, not at all wanting to think of how Eli's heart had been crushed into pieces or what to expect from this crazy old man who was the exact reason why Kei and Hibiki got back into Reiji's life in the first freaking place.

_There had better be a real good freaking explanation why you triggered this pile of trash..._

"I will be expecting all of you as soon as possible."

 _... when you, of all people, freaking_ knew _what that duo had done to Reiji all these years._ _And how he never freaking deserved... any bit of it._

Ai Mikaze

_"Even if you believe that I merely wish this for my grandson Aine, even if it seems that way, I hope that you understand not only with logic but depth that I wish this for you too, Ai."_

Hakise had looked straight at Ai, his eyes grave but filled with what Ai recognized as emotions. Earnest emotions.

"I want you to learn about emotions. To feel them. To embrace them not with arms, but with the soul that a miracle that has granted your artificial life, the android whose nature did not expect a mind of its own and yet was granted one anyhow. Things that even the most advanced textbooks and research can completely explain, let alone bring absolute clarity about. Happiness, sadness, anger, love, joy. What it means to smile, to laugh, to cry, to be moved. Things that define the human heart, such as kindness, empathy and compassion. No matter how many databases you may have, it is not nearly enough knowledge for you or Aine to truly live."

It was years ago, after his consciousness had been linked to the comatose Aine Kisaragi's, after he had auditioned and been accepted as one of the four individuals that would constitute Shining's newest boy band QUARTET NIGHT. He and the professor, Hakise, were sitting at a table in the bedroom where Aine resided on an encapsulated bed connected with various machines, with a lavender mug of chamomile tea and a white mug of coffee, respectively.

"Love... emotions... live..."

Looking down at his beatless chest, Ai had repeated the words softly, the hesitation that normally did not come in terms of theoretical and mathematical data constricting something inside of him. Something that he was unsure of to the point that he was terrified - or was this only an illusion of being terrified?

"This is something... that can't be learned alone... can it?

"No, Ai. It can't. Not at all. And most certainly, not only from me alone."

Standing up from his rolling chair, Hakise stepped towards him, crouched down and placed his hands on Ai's shoulders, his fingers curled around them tightly, the light in his sunken eyes quivering with unshed, glimmering tears.

"That's why... for your and Aine's sakes, as well as mine to an extent..."

The middle-aged man smiled warmly as a tear slid down his face.

"Give your all... as a member of QUARTET NIGHT. Not as what appears to be a replacement for Aine, but as Ai. Ai Mikaze."

_Live..._

"Live." A four lettered-word with one syllable. How strangely coincidental it was that the word had the same number of letters as the number of fellow QUARTET NIGHT members he had. As the number of individuals who had become the most important people in his life, who had taught him what it meant to feel and to have a heart, to smile, laugh, cry and be there for others, to sing for others, to be certain and sincere and to have wings. L. I. V. E. Live.

"E" was empathy, precisely as Ranmaru had shouted out as his smouldering emotions consumed and burned him like wildfire.

The image corresponding to the statement was the memories of the silver-haired bassist giving into Reiji and Natsuki's double hug as tears streamed down his face after shrieking and shouting out emotions of flames and ashes, all that had burned within his wild yet broken soul. To have a deep relationship did not only require sincere emotions; it also needed deep understanding of the other person or people's hearts. As rugged and short-tempered Ranmaru was, he had protected everyone in the group countless of times and had always done so without a single shred of reluctance or pretence. He lived precisely as he claimed he did; of all the countless kinds of people he could be, he was not a hypocrite.

"V" was virtuous, as Camus displayed with sheer power and demand each and every day.

As high as his criterion was in terms of talent, quality, reputation and countless other aspects, so were his standards of morality and ethics, even if he did not discuss it much in typical moments. As prideful and haughty he may be, the Permafrost count actually had high EQ, as for more times than Ai could keep track of, Camus had exhibited impressive control when it came to containing his emotions and outwardly displaying what he wished to and surprisingly deep comprehension towards others' feelings. He could see through the people around him, including Ai himself, and sought to lend a hand to those he cared about, even if he did not explicitly admit it, and Ai looked up to that. The ability to control, understand and express emotions. It was something that Ai had gotten to learn, with Camus being one of the main people to thank for that.

"I" was innocence, something that Reiji did not believe he was but actually was, as heartbreaking as it was excruciating.

Ai had spent quite the amount of free time playing video games and come across a variety of memorable quotes. One of those quotes was from Pokemon Black and White. There, a character named Concordia and she said, _"N's heart is pure and innocent. But there is nothing more beautiful and terrifying than innocence."_ And that quote lingered on, having touched something inside of Ai, and without any hint of a prediction, linked itself to Reiji. Ever since Aine's "disappearance", Reiji had conceived himself to be completely and utterly guilty, internalizing all of the guilt, anguish and grief within a heart and soul that had been tattered by tragedy and ripped apart by the blame and hatred of the people around him. He had hidden all of that torture all these years behind a mask of smiles and laughs, whether it was by the playing of his loud green maracas, the tilting of his multifarious fedoras or the throwing of jokes from one corner of the room to another.

Now Ai could not help but worry as he looked in the direction of the bathroom, in which Reiji had been for at least fifteen minutes. In normal circumstances, Reiji would be as fast as he could, not wanting to waste a moment of bonding with Ai, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus. It sounded quite absurd on the surface, but it genuinely warmed his heart. However, as the cold night trickled by and he waited for the brunet, Ai knew that Reiji was out of focus, his thoughts as faraway and distant as his heart was, enduring alone, tortured alone. Shining had given all of QUARTET NIGHT the entire week off, but Ai doubted that it was nearly enough to mend their hearts and souls, especially with Natsuki still showing no sign of regaining consciousness anytime soon. Refusing to allow Reiji to subject himself to anymore torture like this, Ai got up from the king-sized bed and began walking towards the closed bathroom door, only for a click to be heard and the door to slowly creak open, revealing a wordless Reiji staring blankly at the floor.

"Reiji," Ai addressed his best friend softly.

Reiji nodded stiffly, his grey eyes still on the ground. With near quiet but uneven footsteps, he slowly made his way towards the bed, suffering overshadowing the light that normally glowed on his face. Even from a distance, Ai could see that Reiji was trying to bottle everything within himself to the point that the emotions in his eyes were nearly hollow, empty, and he refused to let him take another second of doing so. So when Reiji was about to walk past him, Ai reached out and took ahold of the older male's arm, holding it gently but firmly. Reiji immediately halted, his body stilling like the leaves of a starless night after the wind had been stolen away, but he did not look up, almost as though he was afraid to.

"Ai..." the syllable trembled in Reiji's quiet voice, "... Ai...?"

Ai gave the arm he was holding a gentle squeeze before guiding his own hands to Reiji's shoulders and leading them both to the bed. He could feel the coldness of the skin that his own fingers made contact with and something inside of him squeezed painfully taut like numb fingers that struggled to hold onto a fading warmth. As the curtains billowed heavily, Ai let Reiji climb onto the bed and sit on the mattress before walking over to the other side of the bed and getting onto it himself. Emotions quivered inside his chest as Reiji wrapped his own arms around his knees and pulled them close against his chest, his head hung as his grey eyes remained overshadowed by that near emptiness, his breaths quiet but painful. Although uncertain as to whether it was even capable of giving Reiji warmth or comfort, even a little bit of it, Ai shifted his position and carefully wrapped his hands around the shoulders of the normally-blithe brunet, not wanting to startle him, his hold gentle but firm.

A few more excruciating moments of pure silence seeped by like a river until Reiji cracked its seemingly-interminable flow like glass against glass, a quiet voice against the painful silence.

"Am I..."

Reiji's body shook, but he shook his head like he was trying to make it stop as he tensed in Ai's hold.

"Am I... cursed?"

"Reiji..." Ai's eyes widened, but he recovered within seconds and he found himself shaking his head as well, even if the male could not see it with his eyes downcast and head lowered. "No, Reiji. You aren't. You are not cursed. None of us are."

"Then why..."

Reiji swallowed hard, the tremors in his voice and body worsening.

"Why... is it that everyone... that ends up closest and dearest to me... ends up suffering to the point that they shatter and nearly disappear...? W-Why...?"

His hand placed itself above Ai's own and curled its fingers around his hand tightly, grasping with quivers and emotions.

"Aine tried to drown himself in that sea that we used to stand by to watch its waves rise and fall and has been in a coma ever since, never sparing a moment to open his eyes even though it's been years... and years..." Reiji let out a quavering breath as he clenched his teeth. "Will the s-same thing... be the case... for Nattsun... Ai-Ai?"

"Reiji-" Ai started.

"What if days turn into weeks?" His voice was flooded with deep anguish and fear as the trembling amplified. "And then weeks into months, months into years and then... then... his life... the life that he could have spent smiling that pure, bright Nattsun smile... laughing and giving those big, warm hugs to everyone he ever loved... being warmer than sunshine, brighter than the moon and stars themselves, as loving and kind as he had always, always been... What if that life ends up merely being spent with him laying down on that bed, unable to speak, unable to smile, unable to hear us...? He's trapped in there... him and Satsuki... and-"

His words cracked audibly and without warning, Reiji turned, only to reveal deep, broken grief and guilt glistening in his grey eyes.

"It's because... he wouldn't leave me... regardless what they did to him. They gave him the choice and all he had to do was nod his head and say yes, and yet... he wouldn't." He looked down again, clenching his teeth as he squeezed his eyes shut. "He took every assault, every stab, every bruise and wound that they tortured him with... and did not leave me. He bled and cried tears in that alleyway all because... he wanted to be with me... even if it destroyed him... even if... it killed him. He protected me and did not want to hurt me and because of that, Ai-Ai... because of me... his eyes wouldn't open and his heart... as much as it's beating... it's... in tears. Nattsun... why... did it have to be you...?"

Warm tears dribbled down his cheeks like rain as he choked out a sob.

"Why couldn't it... have been _me_?" His voice broke painfully. "I'm the one they hated, whom they wished would die, so why did they hurt you? All I wanted was for you, who loved me for all that I was and always, always stayed, to always smile and glow with that bright, colourful heart that has always been our light, so why are you the one who can't open your eyes right now or smile?"

"Reiji," Ai's heart was filled with sheer anguish, his hands tightening around Reiji's shoulders, his voice almost pleading, "it's not your f-"

"Why couldn't I protect you?" he cried out, his words falling and shattering apart like the kaleidoscope of a bleeding butterfly's wings. "Why couldn't I... when you've always loved me for who I was... even when they told you to hate me? Even when you found out that I had often put on a mask of smiles and laughs? Even when I told you that I deserved to be left behind? You loved me, cared about me and protected me, even when it hurt, so why... why couldn't I save you... from hurting like this...? Nattsun, I..."

His voice cracked as it grew quieter, like the light of the Ferris Wheel fading away into the frozen night.

"I'm sorry... I'm so, so sorry, Nattsun... I'm so sorry I failed you... when you needed me the most, when all you've done..."

He let out a broken exhale.

"... is love us."

_And the "L" in "live"... is love._

Whispering Reiji's name, Ai scooted across the bed until he was directly in front of his best friend, and pulled him into a tight hug, letting him fall against him as heart-wrenching whimpers and cries cracked at his soundless chest. Sitting on the bed with his arms wrapped around Reiji, Ai gently whispered that he was sorry too. Sorry that he could not do more than he was doing now in order to mend both Reiji and Natsuki's hearts. Sorry that he could not take the pain away. Sorry that they were all suffering now and in tears, whether on the outside or inside.

"I'm sorry too, Reiji," Ai muttered under his breath, a few droplets of what he now knew as tears thanks to them slipping down his cheeks with their painful warmth. "To you and to Natsuki, as well as Camus and Ranmaru and everyone else... I am so sorry... that this is all I can do... that this is all that I am capable of... despite everything that you all have given me."

"No, Ai-Ai... please... don't apologize."

But amidst his tears and broken sobs, Reiji shook his head adamantly, his hands grasping onto Ai tightly.

"You... didn't... do anything wrong. You're not like me, Ai-Ai; you don't deserve to be blamed for any of this. So p-please don't say sorry, especially... to me. P-Please."

_Love is an emotion that you embrace as tightly as possible even... if it breaks you in the end and you know it._

Reiji collapsed deeper into Ai's arms as his body racked with sobs that grew louder and shattered even more as the night darkened, his arms wound around Ai's tightly, almost as if the latter would disappear if he did not hold onto him. And Reiji's agony became Ai's too, as did his sadness, grief and guilt, like Ai's heart was a hurricane taking in anything and everrything for the sake of the heart that it wished to protect. So Reiji's tears... ended up being Ai's too.

_Love... is what Natsuki gave the both of us. Deeply, sincerely, and unconditionally._

And so did... Natsuki's. His tears, his cries, all of it.

Memories of Natsuki facing them with a warm smile curved on his lips and tears glistening in his kind green eyes flashed inside Ai's head with its irreplaceable brightness and inimitable colours and it made his chest tighten in pure anguish, the sorrow sweeping through like frozen waves, the cadence of grief amplifying without a trace of mercy. Living was warm because of love. Being moved was because of love too. The love that Natsuki had taught him about when he explained with earnest gentleness what it meant to be moved, when he grabbed his hand and took him to the flower meadows, the river and everywhere else that became precious to him too, with each hug, each smile, each laugh and each melody that he gave Ai every second of the day. The thought that Natsuki might not open his eyes and smile again, that they may not be able to hear his voice or watch him smile for years... was not only saddening, but heart-wrenchingly cruel. 

_When spelled backwards, the word "live" ends up turning into the word "evil". L. I. V. E... E. V. I. L... It's a semordnilap, a word that spells a different word in reverse. The implication is not wrong, however._

Terrified wishes spilling into the frozen night, tears flowing through the broken cadence, the warmth trapped within a sleeping heart...

_Life can be evil - cruel - too, with the anguish that is transferred from one person to another amidst tragedy, regardless if deserved or undeserved, through the bonds that connect our hearts to one another._

They were all love too - deep, excruciating love.

_The three of us - you, Reiji and I - often went to sit by the river together and look up at the moon and stars with the tea that you brewed, allowing our hearts to ease themselves and relish in one another's company, in the kind truth that we would always have one another, as the stars group together in constellations and the moon serves as a beacon of light to guide lost souls home._

Wrapping his arms around Reiji even tighter, Ai barely heard a soft whimper slip from his own lips, and in turn, he felt the arms around his own back haul him closer, a hand running up and down his back. And as much as he had almost never cried and was not at all inclined to cry in the presence of others, Ai simply let the tears fall from both himself and Reiji as they held each other, enclosed in the painful presence of the sleepless moon and stars.

_But even as the moon and stars shine in the night sky beyond the glass window tonight, the two of us sit together alone on this bed, the moonlight that was normally calm now cold and filled with anguish and giving piercing impressions of shattered glass, falling upon the fragments of our hearts... the hearts that beat painfully... without you._

Ai closed his eyes, falling deeper into Reiji as his hands grasped the latter's white shirt.

_We love you too... Natsuki._

Reiji Kotobuki

_Next week... all of us, other than Nattsun, have to continue our work as idols, as members of QUARTET NIGHT._

Reiji lowered his eyes, his hands clenching tightly.

_But... even so... I don't think I can take hiding my true feelings behind smiles and laughs like I have for years... let alone sing a cheerful, energetic song that is meant to light a fire or brighten the hearts of others._

During the meeting with Shining, he had apologized to Reiji and the rest of QUARTET NIGHT, stating that he had not expected Kei and Hibiki to go as far as they had. He had brought the two back into Reiji's life with the intention to help him overcome his past and grow stronger in the process, not destroy him, Natsuki or anyone else. It had taken quite awhile for Ranmaru to calm his anger down and allow the headmaster's words to process, but Reiji did not blame Shining, not even a little. If anything, he was grateful to Shining, just like he had always been. Shining couldn't have known what Kei and Hibiki would have done to Natsuki. Shining couldn't have known the torture that would have fallen upon all of QUARTET NIGHT because of this. But even so... that did not mean that Reiji was going to be able to put on a genuine smile throughout work when he was terrified of never seeing his closest friend smile again. Sitting on the edge of his bed after being awoken by the throbbing agony of his own body, Reiji knew that he did not look forward to singing, dancing or anything related to his work or passion, that he dreaded the very existence of it waiting for him. But he had to come back eventually - they all did.

_Even if we can't do things like we normally do... the four of us - Ai-Ai, Myu-chan, Ran-Ran and I... we'll do all that we can to pull through for us, for you._

Reiji felt his own lips curve into a sorrowful smile as he felt a lump rise in his throat.

_For you are in our hearts, just like we are in yours, Nattsun._

Sitting on his lap were music sheets. He had spent months trying to gather fragments and pieces of ideas that he could turn into a song, trying to figure out what he wanted to convey, what kind of song it would be, for whom this song was, whom it was dedicated to. And as disbelieving and painful as it was, the song was somehow piecing itself together when he was at his lowest, when his heart had been torn apart and shattered after nearly losing Natsuki, his closest friend whom he had promised with all of his heart to protect.

_I don't even have the strength to lie anymore... but that doesn't give any reason... to just quit trying._

Writing the lyrics with a black pen, Reiji released a trembling exhale into the air, trying to ignore his throbbing headache as memories of Natsuki giving him his earnest, tight hugs flickered inside his head like the lights of the candles' flames, bringing a torturous warmth seeping through his already-shattered heart as the melody of the song in his hands wrenched his insides without any forgiveness.

_Especially... for those dearest to me._

_"(Surely) Whispering from weakness_

_(Surely) Wounded by a blunt knife_

_Every time the hourglass is turned_

_The moon chokes out a Cry, cry"_

_"(_ _Last LOVE) With a firm embrace_

_(Reciprocated LOVE) Even pain is love"_

\- "Tears in love", by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kishow Taniyama)


	49. To My Dearest Person (Itoshiki Hito e)

Ai Mikaze

Natsuki did not awaken by the time the week ended.

While Ai, Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru came everyday, numerous other people had visited Natsuki at the hospital throughout the interminably-anguished days. Shining, Ren, Cecil, Otoya, Eli and his family, and Yuuto had visited at least twice throughout the week, with Eli and his family coming during all of the weekdays. Masato had come once, with the accompaniment of Ren, and while Ai had shared the blue-haired pianist's revelation from back in the garden dome to Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus, all four of them kept a discreet but watchful eye on him - with some, also known as Ranmaru and Camus, being much less discreet than others - throughout every second of the brief visit. Natsuki's parents came the afternoon of the day after their son was assaulted and the four of them had all been there when they came.

And it was nothing short... of heartbreaking.

Seeing their eyes dilate before their expressions slowly crumbled and fell apart, with Mrs Shinomiya covering her mouth as her body quivered and tears seeped down her cheeks and Mr Shinomiya shutting his eyes as he gritted his teeth in pain... Quietly watching as the mother took her son's cold hand into her own and whispered, _Nacchan..._ with a feeble, broken voice, only to weep even more as the innocent male remained unresponsive, as the father softly called out to him too and wrap his arms around his wife as the first tears trickled down his cheeks... Ai was not a parent or knew how it felt to be one, but as he watched the couple grieve over their comatose son, he felt a painful warmth threaten to slip out of his eyes and crack through his chest. And wordlessly turning to the people standing with him, he could see that Ranmaru, Camus, Reiji and Eli were affected as well, with tears falling down the latter two's cheeks. All that those torturing, fading yet lingering moments summed up to... was the words "I love you", "I miss you" and "I'm sorry", with each and every syllable as sincerely bare as they were overwhelmed with endless, unspoken maelstroms and torrents of grief and anguish.

_Time... is not what defines how much a storm has passed. Neither does it heal what has been left on a heart that forces itself to stay strong and alive for those it loves and cares about the most. Or brings back the precious warmth that can never be measured as the sun illumines the winter sky that would have been unbearably cold without it._

Words... that could not grant the only wish that had the ability to piece them back together, no matter how much their tears and emotions wished for it so.

_Love... is truly painful... isn't it...?_

"Tomorrow, the four of us are going to return back to our jobs as idols, as members of QUARTET NIGHT. The week that Shining-san gave us is going to end soon."

Ai's lips curved into a wistful smile as he reached forward and gave Natsuki's cold hand a gentle squeeze.

"We would be lying if we said that we would be smiling in our hearts, for you would not be there too. But for you... we will do the best that we can in order to keep the group alive and glowing, even if it's painful, okay? Even though I know that you are unable to hear me... it's been a week without your smiles and laughs and hugs and... I miss you. We all do."

It was a late Monday evening. Countless raindrops thudded against the glass on the other side of the window like silver bullets and slipped down like cold tears down empty mirrors. Gales of howling wind tore across the dull, metallic-cobalt sky like gashes that formed scars that could not be seen by the eye as the rain poured and pounded down ceaselessly, just like the torrents of sadness and pain against their wavering hearts. Sitting on a wooden stool, Ai quietly observed as Natsuki laid on the bed, his position unchanged from the way it had been for the past seven days, the kind blond's face shrouded in gentle, innocuous serenity, his breathing quiet and even, his fawn plushie tucked on his right. 

_Your bruises gradually faded as your wounds slowly healed. Time trickles by as the serene waters of the river we love continue to flow, just like the stars that will eventually paint themselves across the night sky. But none of them - the waters, the stars, time - is ever as bright as it was... when your eyes were open and you were smiling with us._

Beside him, Reiji hung his head, his grey eyes overshadowed by sheer anguish, and on the other side of the room, Camus folded his arms with a grim expression while Ranmaru leaned back against the wall with his head down and his teeth clenched in pain. Witnessing every second of it, feeling every drop of sadness of it... caused needles and thorns of sorrow to dive through the already-open wounds of his unseen heart, splitting the waters apart without the warm compassion that had always touched it deeply whenever he was with Natsuki, without whom they would not have been able to smile as much as they had.

_Even the memories... do not amount to anything... in comparison to you, when you... are not truly present... to share those memories with us._

_"Is the sun sad when it sets in the sky, even as gorgeous as these colours are, when it has to leave for night to come?"_

Ai remembered Natsuki asking him and Reiji that question when they were sitting by the river as the colours of the fading sun glowed across the evening sky, the limitless yet unreachable region splashed and swirled with rose pink, light vermilion, sanguine red, and bright yellow, silently yet vividly and deeply, ephemeral yet timeless. It was a few months ago, not long after Ai, Ranmaru and Camus moved into the apartment. A yellow hummingbird chirped happily as it remained perched on Natsuki's right hand and the animal-loving blond gave Ai and Reiji a faint smile tinged with sadness and nostalgia as the three of them sat by the shimmering water, his green eyes glistening with the light and the emotions like the water itself.

"Could you elaborate, Natsuki?" Ai inquired softly as a concerned Reiji wrapped an arm around their best friend.

"During the day," Natsuki explained, his voice softer, "the sun lets its sunshine warm everything and everyone below it, below the sky, like the days that we all live through, the water and waves that flow and move as the flowers grow, the colours that wouldn't be able to be seen without sunshine, bringing warmth to the memories that we all share. The sun is able to smile because it is able to make other people smile with its warmth and glow, and it is happy; really, really happy."

His smile was soft, precisely like the light in his eyes, and it made Ai and Reiji smile too.

"But... it can't be there... when it's already late," Natsuki continued, his tone tinged with sadness. "When it's late and nighttime, it can't be there in the sky to illuminate the colours of the world, of the days, of the hearts of everyone here. It cannot... give its warmth, for it has to disappear until its time to rise again before morning comes."

"Nattsun..." Reiji smiled sadly as Ai felt a profound sorrow sweep through his supposedly-hollow chest. It was strange - caring for non-living things in such a way and viewing them in such perspectives. But Ai would be lying if he said that he did not treasure that very aspect of Natsuki's heart and personality; as absurd as the logical part of him may wish to believe it was, he sincerely found it rather beautiful... in a sentimental and symbolic perspective. The hummingbird perched on Natsuki's hand chirped a few times, softer than before, and he shook his head with a faint smile, as though quietly reassuring that he was okay, before speaking again.

"The sun can't be there at night, but... the night still has its own glow, right?"

Natsuki looked at both Reiji and Ai and smiled gently, his eyes twinkling behind his black-framed glasses. 

"That's why the moon and stars are here too, right? To be there when the sun is unable to, just like how the sun is here during the daytime when the moon and stars have disappeared."

His smile unwavering, Natsuki took Reiji's left hand into his right and Ai's right hand into his left and looked down at their hands intertwined together, his voice remaining delicately gentle as he spoke.

"I used to wish that I could be like the sun and moon and stars to someone someday, to be able to shine at least a little like them for someone. So when you guys told me that I was your star, a true one that shone during both day and night and flowed with all that I am, Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan..."

His voice cracked a little and still holding their hands tightly, Natsuki gave them a warm squeeze and faced the both of them as his lips curved into a bright, earnest smile and tears glistened in his eyes like jewels that not even diamonds could compare to, with the kindness and love that made him who he was and would always be.

"I was so happy... that I could be that star... for the people I loved the most. That... more than anything... was what I wanted for us... all of us."

As the memories seeped through his head like that glistening river under the setting sun, Ai felt a hand place itself on top of his own above the comatose Natsuki's. He turned and saw Reiji already facing him with a broken smile etched across his face and glimmering in the grey eyes that had not regained its normal glow. 

"We'll keep QUARTET NIGHT together no matter how long it takes to see you smile again," Reiji spoke quietly, lowering his eyes to the unconscious Natsuki, "for we love you and miss you, so painfully much, Nattsun." 

"Leave it all to us, got it?"

Ranmaru leaned forward and placed his hand on top of Reiji's, his heterochromatic eyes tight with pain, his tone low.

"We'll get through this together; the five of us. But you already know that, don't you?"

"Indeed."

Camus placed his hand above Ranmaru's, his ice-blue eyes focused on everyone with a serious but earnest expression.

"It is an unfaltering promise, understand?"

Ai, Reiji and Ranmaru nodded without hesitation as the four of them looked down at Natsuki, whose expression remained serene and innocent. 

_That's right, Natsuki. You are our star. Just like you are our moon and sun too. That's how, regardless of anything, you linger on in our hearts, never to fade away and leave, unlike the sunset that we saw that day. And that is exactly what we will always do for you too._

Letting out a wistful sigh, Ai smiled faintly, unable to deny the sadness that dwelled inside his soundless heart as the rain continued to shower down the winter sky outside.

_Even as it is so, please... come back soon so that... we can all finally go back home together - you, me, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus. The five of us... just like it will always be._

Ranmaru Kurosaki

"How has QUARTET NIGHT been ever since the assault of your fellow band member?"

"It's been a rough week, to be real honest," Ranmaru answered, his hands gripping the fabric of his long, black trousers tightly as he did his best to maintain eye-contact with the interviewer. "For all of us. Y'all know what happened to Natsuki and he didn't deserve it the slightest bit. He's always so bright and compassionate and considerate of everyone in the group, practically our shining light, so without him..."

Ranmaru clenched his teeth, his heart squeezing in his chest.

"It's been real difficult tryin' to keep one another on foot."

Interviews. Flashing cameras. The public eye. The audience and their ears and mouths. Ranmaru had been straining to endure every bit of it for the sake of everyone in QUARTET NIGHT as he sat on the stage in his fourth interview of the day, his back barely pressed against the backrest of the red sofa on which he and the interviewer, Aki Kushida, sat beside each other, throngs of countless people encircling the wooden platform. He did not want to be here. Not even the slightest bit. Collapsing on the red sofa back at the apartment and staring up at the ceiling sounded like a way better idea than sitting here in this cursed interview where he was being asked about the exact same topic and he was surrounded by packs of hyenas prying and dying to get a large scoop on what the news did not divulge. 

After the group interview earlier in the morning, it had taken Camus, Reiji and Ai to calm him down and stop him from hunting down a female interviewer who had the freaking _nerve_ to ask at their faces in front of the large audience, _Since Shinomiya-san is unconscious, and therefore, not beneficial to the band, why are you not expelling him from QUARTET NIGHT? There sure are plenty of fans who preferred you as a real quartet._ Oh Ranmaru definitely had not forgiven her for spitting out those dumpster-worthy strings of words. Neither had he forgiven the "fans" who had taken it upon themselves to log onto social media and spread posts and comments about how they wished that Natsuki's heart had stopped beating that night, that he had died so that QUARTET NIGHT was back to being a quartet.

The interviewer, Aki, smiled sympathetically and nodded briefly before speaking again:

"I understand how that feels like."

_You don't._

"No group is ever the same when any member is absent."

_You have no idea._

"But Kurosaki-san... you are surprisingly calmer than I initially expected."

_No freaking idea._

Ranmaru barely restrained himself from gaping at the young man sitting next to him and expecting a response, hiding his anger and disbelief behind an unreadable face.

_What are you freaking implying?_

"Well," he started, "I gotta pull my weight just like the rest of them are." Ranmaru decided to respond to that ludicrously oblivious comment as normally as he could, barely clamping down the violent urge to retort back. _If me being this calm is a surprise, then what did you freaking expect? A mental breakdown?_ "It's for Natsuki too. Even when he's in pain, he's always put himself before everything and everyone else. You probably get that from how kind he is, but you have no idea how much he has suffered because of it. And we hate it when anyone we care about suffers."

Ranmaru looked Aki straight in the eye, his tone more serious now.

"So the least I, as well as Reiji, Ai and Camus, can do for now... is to keep ourselves together knowin' that he is with us no matter what."

Aki looked somewhat startled and inside, Ranmaru scoffed in anger. Ranmaru was not exactly an unforgiving person, but he definitely remembered this particular interviewer being sceptical and doubtful about Natsuki being in QUARTET NIGHT and failing to be that subtle about it when the quintet was interviewed by him last year. Aki may be acting sympathetic, but that did not mean that Ranmaru was any less demanding in ensuring that he got the right message: _You don't know him, me or the rest of us like we all do._

Memories shot through his head like bullets and lightning and he barely concealed his pain at the recollection of one of the few sessions that he and Natsuki had had in order to help the blond to learn the basics of fighting. By nature, Natsuki did not have a single ounce of violence in his bones and soul, and it had definitely showed throughout his struggles from the very beginning, even though it was clear that he was trying extremely hard. At one point, while the two of them were in the living room, Natsuki practised swinging his fist just like Ranmaru had demonstrated, but flinched right after despite merely hitting empty air. He swung and swung again, but the pain did not leave his eyes and it made Ranmaru grow even more concern. After a few more swings, Ranmaru stopped Natsuki by clasping a hand on his shoulder and sat him down on the red sofa, asking what was wrong.

"Am I... doing it wrongly?" Natsuki asked softly, his green eyes glimmering with worry.

"No, it's not that," Ranmaru replied, shaking his head as he gave Natsuki a bottle of iced water. "It's that look in your eyes each time you swung your fist. The pain in there." He narrowed his eyes slightly. "You gotta tell me if there's somethin' bothering you. I don't want you pushing yourself out of your comfort zone too hard, ya know."

"A part of it is because I'm... not used to it," Natsuki explained quietly, his eyes remaining on Ranmaru, his fingers curling around the cold bottle. "You warned me and you're right, and I know it'll take time, just like you told me. But then... there's also these thoughts that pierce through my head every time I swung and practised."

Natsuki paused, his eyes tight with agony.

"They scare me... The thoughts that I might end up causing others to bleed, even though by accident... they're terrifying. I am learning to fight so that I can protect you guys and myself, but the thoughts keep asking what if I end up hurting you guys by accident and they just won't stop, I'm so sorry-"

"You've got nothing to be ashamed of, Natsuki."

Ranmaru cut Natsuki off mid-sentence, draping an arm around the younger boy's shoulders.

"Really. It takes time to get used to it, but fear doesn't mean that you're a coward or you're not tryin' hard enough, Natsuki. You're doin' just fine right now; ya already took the first step by asking me if I meant it when I offered to teach you how to fight."

He grinned slightly and patted Natsuki on the top of his head.

"And I may not be the most patient of the group, but ya don't have to be so worried about telling me if you're scared or uncomfortable. Thoughts can be rather corrupting and corroding when dealt with alone, and if you tell me 'bout 'em, we can tackle 'em together." He punched a fist lightly against the sofa. "We'll send the right thoughts flyin' back at 'em like punches." 

Natsuki let out a few light chuckles and it made Ranmaru sigh with relief. Of all of them, he was amongst those who were terrible with their words in terms of being gentle and understanding and soft, perhaps even worse than the ice baron himself. But interacting with each and every member of the quintet, which included those daily bickers with Camus, had made him feel like he was somewhat getting better and better, little by little, like red and orange sparks flying towards one another to create embers then flames. And seeing Natsuki's eyes sparkle a little more as they talked did bring a genuine form of joy in Ranmaru's heart that used to shun just about everyone out.

Knowing that that same spark had lit up the flames in his heart all over again, Ranmaru held out a curled fist to Natsuki and grinned widely.

"So after this, let's tackle this together! I know that you ain't holding back, so neither am I, got it?"

Natsuki had beamed back and held out his fist in return, resulting in a determined fist bump between the two. And their efforts to break Natsuki out of his shell had paid off the moment he grabbed Kei by the wrist and shoved him away from him and the rest of QUARTET NIGHT after their victory at the STARISH V QUARTET NIGHT live. He could not have been more proud of Natsuki that day, ruffling the younger male's blond hair with a wide grin once they were settled in Reiji's green car. 

_And you're fightin' in there... I know it._

When the interview was finally over, Ranmaru sauntered off backstage, his heart searing with the burn marks from the entire time ever since they found Natsuki laying in that alleyway, bleeding and broken all at once. He heard Aki call out to him, but he pretended not to hear the guy as he headed towards his greenroom and shut the door behind him, thoughts of when this blazing torment would end not just for him, but for Natsuki, Reiji, Ai and Camus.

_And so are we. That... you know too._

Slumping back against the cold wall, suddenly feeling exhausted, he inclined his head towards where his bass laid in its case on the white sofa, and he gritted his teeth, clenching his fists tightly as his heart did the same.

_But that doesn't mean that I don't hate this... the fact that you ain't here, conscious and truly living like you deserve to._

His chest heaving up and down, he stared up at the fluorescent lamps that seemed too bright and shut his eyes.

_You told me... that I wouldn't lose everything. It's because it's you... that I could actually believe that... ya know? That the pain won't end... as long as you don't reopen your eyes. You know what's worse than being forced through these ridiculous and agonizing interviews?_

His teeth clenched even harder.

_Bein' forced to sing as a group through a big live show this Friday... with the possibility... that you wouldn't be able to open your eyes by then and that... we'd have to do it without you, without this group bein' whole and complete, Natsuki. We learned about passion from each other, but without you... it doesn't feel nearly as burning and bright as it should be. It never will._

Camus

The live show that was being conducted today, the Friday of the second week of Natsuki being comatose, had been announced ever since mid-December of the previous year. Not only that, but it had been immediately sold out without the option of refund, meaning that even with Natsuki's state of being, everyone had no option but to proceed with the live with QUARTET NIGHT missing one member. 

_"As it overflows my emotions start throbbin'_

_(Charming this new age)_

_With a persistant pride, my heart is bravin'_

_(The present is beckoning the future)"_

Standing in the left wing of the stage, Camus silently observed as Ranmaru sang "Only One", nearly shouting against his microphone as he sang at the top of his lungs, beads of sweat breaking down his arms and face as his voice burned with raw power that bore agony before the audience congregated beyond the platform. This entire live show had been an absolute turmoil for Camus, Ranmaru, Ai and Reiji to bear within themselves. Even though STARISH had gone first and therefore gave them more time to prepare themselves for their own performances, it was clear that no amount of time would relinquish the pain from their hearts. They had started off QUARTET NIGHT's segment by performing "The dice are cast" and "Starlight Memory", with Natsuki's recorded vocals playing in the background, and it had merely made their band member's absence even more excruciatingly palpable. This was ensued by each of them singing a solo song of their choice, regardless whether it was a new release or not.

Ai had sung "Winter Blossom", a song about sadness and goodbyes.

Camus had sung "Zettai Reido Emotion", where he could channel the emotions in a heart that would have been cold without them.

Ranmaru was singing "Only One", where he could unleash the burning agony that he had been caging inside his chest for the sake of keeping himself together.

And after him...

would be Reiji.

_"The possibility isn't always zero_

_I can see your eyes counting"_

Camus turned to face Reiji, who was standing between him and Ai, soundlessly noticing the pain overshadowing his grey eyes as he watched Ranmaru clench his teeth and squeeze his eyes shut amidst the blaring melody. Up until now, Reiji had not divulged to any of them what song he had chosen to sing for this live show. Camus was well aware that majority of Reiji's songs were extremely energetic, vibrant and invigorating, but he knew that given the torture in his heart, the older QUARTET NIGHT member would be unable to handle faking smiles, laughs and cheers whilst singing and dancing to songs such as "Kisu wa Wink de" and "Dekiai Temptation". As much as "Never..." seemed to be the most viable option given how much mellower it was in contrast to his other solo songs, Camus was uncertain that Reiji would be able to bear dancing to the vigor that masked the sadness of that song either.

Camus could feel himself turning grimmer by the second.

So what live performance was Reiji going to give?

_"It's... kind of a surprise, guys."_

When Camus, Ai and Ranmaru inquired about the aforementioned topic, Reiji scratched the back of his own neck and cracked a smile.

_"I know what I'm doing. You guys trust me on that... right?"_

Camus concealed a grimace behind his calm exterior as a forbidding feeling sank deeper into his gut like shadows slowly immersing themselves into a speck of light. The answer was easily a "yes", for they all trusted Reiji like they always had. However, Camus could only feel his concern for the older male thicken like fog as the time ticked by, including as he re-examined the outfit that Reiji had put together for his solo performance. There was not a tint of pale or bright colours in the entire combination, being quite the sheer opposite to the dominantly-white outfit that he had worn during "Poison Kiss". He wore a dark green collared shirt under an unbuttoned black vest, as well as a pair of long black trousers and a pair of polished black Ozfords. He was not wearing a fedora or any other kind of hat despite regularly utilizing the accessory as a prop onstage, and that also aggravated Camus' concerns as to what Reiji was planning as the flame effects of Ranmaru's live burst into effect yet again, crimson and orange igniting the stage.

_Kotobuki is a professional, which is why he has been able to outwardly display a performer who is able to keep himself in one piece despite what had happened to Shinomiya. However... unless he finds a way to channel his emotions without coercing himself throughout this live..._

Ai faced Camus and he could see the same concern that he felt reflected in the teal-haired boy's eyes.

_... this... may end up in nothing but a catastrophic, excruciating pandemonium for him._

When the flame effects were extinguished and the music faded away, the crowd rose into tremendous, wild applause. Onstage, Ranmaru was gripping onto the microphone attached to its stand, his head hung, panting heavily, his teeth gritted tightly, sweat beading on his face and neck and arms, having unleashed his agony and let it burn to life and blaze throughout the stage with an intensity even brighter than those flames. Behind them, the stage manager whispered that it was almost time for Reiji to perform and the brunet nodded with a slight smile.

"It'll be okay," Ai whispered, squeezing Reiji's hand gently.

Reiji cracked a smile and Camus folded his arms, the three of them sharing the exact same thought, albeit sorrowful as painfully hoping as it was:

_Please let it be._

Reiji Kotobuki

_The brighter the light, the darker the shadow._

_Those are a string of words that I have always held onto, that have binded my soul no matter how many years passed. Because they are true. I know and have felt it. Isn't that why the dark blue and black of the night seem so dark when the moon and stars are shining? Why the kindest of hearts suffer the most when they find themselves staring into blackness? Why the most beautiful and heartfelt of songs are born from the most torturous, darkest places?_

Reiji closed his eyes for a moment, his right hand curled around the silver microphone as the colourful images came to light in the hollow darkness in his mind, agonizing him, as bright and pure as they were.

_Is that why... my shadow... ended up... nearly destroying him?_

"When you said that you would bring that plushie around with you, I thought that you would take turns with the ones you already have, but..."

Ranmaru smacked a palm against forehead and slowly slid it down his face as he stared at the fawn plushie poking its head out of Natsuki's sling bag.

"... you opted to bring it everytime and _everywhere_?"

"Yeap!" Natsuki replied with a bright smile, his emerald eyes glowing as he hugged the fawn plushie against his chest, prompting Ranmaru to gap as his cheeks swelled with redness.

"Why on actual _earth_ would you?" Ranmaru exclaimed.

And he let out a few hearty chuckles and Ai smiled faintly as Camus sighed and Ranmaru facepalmed again, the latter vividly getting more and more embarrassed by the minute. It was a few weeks before the STARISH V QUARTET NIGHT live where they performed and debuted "The dice are cast". Natsuki and Reiji were the last ones to come home due to one last photo shoot for the day and when they entered through the front door, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru were sitting in the living room together with cups of peppermint tea and different reading material: an online article, a paperback novel and an idol magazine, respectively. That was when Ranmaru noticed Natsuki pulling the fawn plushie out of his bag and immediately widened his eyes and pointed. Natsuki's eyes glistened as he sat between Reiji and Ai and answered with a soft smile.

"Because it's like I'm bringing a part of you guys with me too."

That made Ranmaru's eyes dilate in deep surprise as Camus and Ai looked like they did not expect that answer either and Reiji felt emotions well up inside his heart.

"Natsuki..."

"I love Fawnie," Natsuki continued with that bright, earnest smile shimmering on his face, wrapping his arms around the plushie a little tighter. "She's really cute and precious and one of the things that makes it so special to me... is that it's from all of you. I know that there are times when we will not be in one room and I have to work alone in solo work, and it can be rather lonely, but having this plushie with me reminds me all over again that all four of you would always be in my heart, with me..."

Natsuki held it out to Ranmaru, waving the front legs of the adorable fawn doll gently, and his smile softened.

"And that... can never fail to give me a blossoming warmth, even if I could have felt lonely."

_"... like I'm bringing a part of you guys with me..."_

The warm words that had emanated from a big, bright heart echoed in Reiji's head like the spring breeze that ceased to exist in this cruel winter as he stood in the darkness behind the thick curtains and felt a painful warmth filling the back of his eyes like a flood threatening to shatter through glass. _That has always been one of the most beautiful things about you, Nattsun,_ he whispered in his head, a sorrowful smile curving in his heart as he remembered how he had hugged Natsuki from behind as Ai and Camus smiled and Ranmaru patted the blond's head with a fond smile. _With the pure innocence of a child, the child that remains in you even as you grow, you always say such warm and gentle words... and mean each of them with utmost sincerity. It's one of the many things that we love about you... that I love about you. It's saved and protected us more times than we can even count, you know._

Reiji smiled gently at the memories of Natsuki beaming brightly at all of them after he had seen the plushie in his unwrapped box and pulling all of them into a big, warm and long hug, thanking them with sheer happiness in his voice. The fawn plushie that the four senpais had gotten Natsuki for Christmas was custom-made just for him. During a day when Natsuki was spending quality time with Eli and Yuuto, they had gone to a famous shop where people could create personalized plushies of any kind of animal or object, from cats, dolphins, giraffes and horses to comets, hearts and stars. A laughing Reiji had had to drag an embarrassed Ranmaru and Camus into the shop, with Ai lecturing the bickering duo about the lack of necessity for any form of embarrassment, but even with how difficult it had been to get the two into the shop, all four of them had been extremely invested into picking out the right attributes of the plushie for their dear Natsuki, from the type to the colours to everything else, even going as far as having multiple debates with one another. At the end, they had all agreed on an adorable, innocent fawn plushie with gentle green eyes that matched Natsuki's own, a fluffy pale blue sweater and five tiny hearts - yellow, viridian, lavender, crimson and ice-blue - on the plushie's back, and it had meant incredibly much that Natsuki loved the plushie and saw it as a way of bringing a part of the senpais with him. It was a dearly beautiful memory...

A memory that would end up making him break down... if he did not stop thinking about it.

He slowly forced himself to open his eyes, knowing that it was not the time to let the tears go, even as his heart broke into pieces all over again in this pitch darkness.

 _Your light didn't deserve..._ the cracks in his heart were throbbing, so, so deeply, _to be engulfed by my shadow..._

"... so give a big round of applause for the final QUARTET NIGHT member to perform for the day and welcome Reiji Kotobuki!"

As if on cue with the voluminous claps and cheers of the people gathered in the concert hall, the lofty red curtains rose from the platform up into the air, revealing the darkness in which Reiji stood at the centre. _You are in my heart too, and that's why it hurts so, so much, and why it never stopped._ Reiji faced the green and white glow sticks that every member of the audience held in their hands, unable to discern faces or names, but knew that Natsuki was not there. That he was still at the hospital bearing the consequences of an undeserved assault by people who had targeted him to hurt Reiji. _And it never stopped with each memory and thought of you, each warm word you said to me, every recollection that reminds me of how much you mean to me, to all of us._

The white spotlight shot down onto him, unveiling his presence amidst the blackness, and that flash of existence brought the very images of Natsuki laying under that white blanket, his serene, innocent expression hinting none of the agony that had shattered his heart, along with those of another precious friend, one who had been comatose in a encapsulated bed in the company of his uncle, submerging his head like a waterfall of grief, drenching every inch of his soul. Alone under the spotlight surrounded by darkness and tinges of green and white, he took in a deep breath and let it out, even as it trembled, even as it did not cure the wounds in his bleeding heart.

_You both are in my heart... even as I failed in the times that you needed me the most._

"You all know what happened to Nattsun, known as Natsuki Shinomiya to most... the fifth member of QUARTET NIGHT."

His solemn voice brought a resonating hush throughout the audience, granting him a deep silence amidst the lonely stage. He tightened his grip against the microphone and proceeded.

"He... means incredibly much to us, more than I can truly explain using words," he said, the microphone amplifying his nearly-quiet voice. "He's family to all of QUARTET NIGHT members. He's our best friend, just like he'll always be, and him being unable to be here and still unable to wake up after nearly two weeks have gone by... As calm as I seem, my boys and girls... it's been tearing me apart with each passing day. It's been that way for all of us. For Ran-Ran, Ai-Ai, Myu-chan and myself. I'd be lying if I said that as I stand here, I'm alright. I'm not."

His lips cracked a broken smile.

"And I no longer have the capacity... to hide it behind a laugh or smile."

Looking up at the blinding ceiling, he slowly released a shaky exhale that echoed eerily throughout the entire hall, his heart faltering in his chest even as it beat, trying not to give in to the trembles building up in his body.

"So I am going to sing one song," he slowly revealed, his voice quieter than before, trying not to let it tremble as he spoke, "but it's not going to be the songs that you guys normally hear me sing. It's not a song that will keep you up dancing and singing on your feet, that will bring a bright smile spreading across your feet as your energy bubbles in your souls. It's not... that kind of song... because I won't be able to sing even a line of it without faking everything. This new song... is a song born from my pain, grief and sorrow, from the emotions of losing those who matter to me the most. For a broken song... bears the true feelings of a broken soul, and this... is a broken song."

He lowered his eyes, his hand quivering slightly now, his heart squeezing tightly in his chest.

"A song... 'To My Dearest Person'..." he finally said, tears trying to break free from his eyes. "'Itoshiki Hito e'."

Ai Mikaze

The dark, almost ominous opening instrumentals of the song was enough to cause Ai's eyes to widen in something akin to shock and anguish, except that it was undoubtedly worse. 

Beside Ai, both Ranmaru and Camus' expressions were both disbelieving and not in a positive way. The three of them were all extremely worried, and to an extent, almost afraid, about what they were about to hear, about how dark and excruciating this song was. From the very first second of the music playing, they all immediately knew that this song "Itoshiki Hito e" was not at all like any other solo song that Reiji had released. It was the extreme opposite of what they normally heard from him. Unlike the quick-paced, catchy rhythms of his past solo songs, this one started off slow, almost languid, with a deep, pondering melancholy and grief that reflected the heart and soul that Reiji had for so long concealed from the public eye with his smiles, laughs and cheers. From where they were standing, Ai could see the deep sorrow overshadowing Reiji's grey eyes as he stared down at his microphone, and his own chest was stabbed by an unspeakable pain.

_A broken song... that bears the true feelings of a broken soul..._

Mentally recalling Reiji's words, Ai felt the pain deepen in his chest, in his heart, like cold water trying to drown his soul.

_Reiji..._

_"The spotlight shining down on a figure"_

Ai was frozen by the deep voice that emerged from Reiji and his microphone. It held none of its usual, contagious radiance and spirit or even a single trace of a genuine smile from a bright heart. 

_"But where there is light"_

Instead, it was tinged with audible hurt, torture, as the brunet soundlessly raised his head up to face the audience, his grey eyes reflecting those very emotions like glass as his lips twisted into a painful smile.

_"I know there will certainly be a shadow"_

"Oh God, Reiji..."

Ranmaru relinquished a sharp exhale and his eyes were staring directly at Reiji, filled with sheer apprehension as they all watched Reiji perform, singing without a single shift from the spotlight.

"This song... is about how wrecked his heart's been all this time... isn't it?"

Camus let out a soft grunt in agreement and Ranmaru cursed under his breath as sadness overtook Ai's heart. "Never..." had been an emotional song as well, but it had hidden the depth of its emotions behind the lyrics that contrasted the upbeat tone of the song. "Itoshiki Hito e", however... had chosen to bear every broken piece and crevice of Reiji's heart out in the open, under the spotlight that had blinded and hurt too many times, under the light where the shadows had attempted to drown them over and over again, through every word in the lyrics and every note in the cadence.

_"Every time my glass heart_

_Touched anything, it was damaged"_

Reiji clutched his chest with his free left hand tightly, his eyes tight with anguish, and in Ai's mind flashed the image of the brunet sitting with Natsuki in the passenger car on top of the Ferris Wheel, his head hung, tears dribbling down his cheeks as he grew frightened that he would be left behind and thought he deserved it. That memory, just like the words that he was hearing in the current reality, brought a shard of glass burrowing through his heart, letting it bleed freely and painfully.

He had not been wearing his fedora then, just like now.

_"So when I hold you tightly without fear,"_

He had been terrified then, just like now.

_"Why, why, why"_

And he... had been broken then...

_"Is it this warm?"_

... just... like he was in pieces now, pieces that reflected the light in a manner that wrenched everyone's hearts, including his own.

_"I want to encircle you with this love song_

_So that it overshadows all other songs"_

They had reached the chorus, which started with those two lines. Ai let out a quiet exhale as Reiji sang, his voice now amplified. But as his voice grew louder, so did the intensity of his anguish and brokenness that threatened to break their hearts too, like a scream threatening to pierce deeper and deeper into a soul.

_"Will it reach you? Will it get through?_

_These words are not enough_

_To express my feelings to my dearest person!"_

That was when the first tear betrayed Reiji's efforts, rolling down his left cheek as he took in a deep breath and released it into the cold air, squeezing his eyes shut as his shoulders quivered under the relentless light. And from one tear, it became two, then three, four, until they were streaming uncontrollably down his face, glistening under the glowing light with a painful shine even as he resumed singing in the next stanza, the lyrics still as gut-wrenching as they were drowning in pure sorrow. Immersed by the broken sight before his very eyes, Ai would not have realized that he, too, was crying if not for Ranmaru, who wrapped his arms around him and Camus, trying but failing to hold back a broken sob. On Ranmaru's left, Camus' ice-blue eyes were brighter with the tears that had yet to fall and Ai could only smile weakly at the two older males as he let the tears from his own eyes cascade down as they wished, for it was a torrent that needed to pour down for the sake of all of them, for the sake of it not choking him apart and alive in the chest.

_"Itoshiki Hito e", otherwise known as "To My Dearest Person"..._

Reiji hung his head as he sang the lyrics with a strength summoned amidst cruel torture.

_It would be a lie to say that this... was not a heartfelt and beautiful song, but as beautiful and heartfelt as it is..._

The maracas, Reiji's chosen instrument, could be heard, but here, they were not shaken in a cheerful beat.

_... it is wretched... and excruciating._

The way they sounded when shaken... brought icy chills running down Ai's spine. It made it seem like those sounds from the normally-vibrant maracas were the chills themselves.

_It's a song that conveys all those broken feelings - loss, mourning, grief, frustration, hopelessness and sorrow. All those feelings that have engulfed and tormented you all these years, whether anyone noticed or not, whether anyone cared or not, whether anyone loved him or not. And this song, based on my interpretation... is for everyone whom he loves and has ever been deeply terrified of losing. For Ranmaru, for Camus, for Eli, for me, for even Kei and Hibiki..._

Ai felt a lump trapped in his throat as a choked sob slipped out of Reiji's lips amidst the music.

_For Aine... and for Natsuki... And it had been Natsuki's sacrifice... that finally released this song to life._

_"These words are not enough"_

By the time he was at the last chorus, Reiji had evidently given up on choking back his sobs and refraining the tears from falling. But right before the last line could be uttered, he slowly reopened his eyes, unveiling the torture glimmering against the shining grey colour filled with tears that slipped down and dripped to the wooden platform, and quietly stared at the audience, his breath quavering with emotion. 

_"To express my feelings..."_

His voice was barely above a whisper now, the words faltering as he breathed. But with an exhale and that soft yet shattered voice, he raised his head to look straight at the people and their glowing light sticks as he sang the final lyric of his heartbreaking vow in a song that bore his suffering:

_"... to my dearest person"..._

Reiji Kotobuki

When the music ended, when the song was over, no one clapped.

Neither did anyone cheer or shout or scream. Reiji understood, though. It was not the fact that everyone was mortified or disgusted or hated the entire performance altogether. It was not the fact that he disappointed or upset anyone. It was a gesture of sorrowful understanding and grievance displayed by everyone sitting in the audience, in the darkness where the only traces of light were emanated from green and white light sticks. They all knew that he did not want applause. That what he wanted... was not what anyone could give. And that any applause, no matter how loud, would never be able to mend the grief of his broken heart. Helpless as to what else to do or give, he faced everyone and bent himself down into a deep bow, the tears lingering on his cheeks as a sob slipped out of his lips under the white light.

_This..._

_This was even more painful... than I thought it'd be._

Thanking everyone with a voice akin to a feeble mutter, he slowly turned and made his way back to the left wing of the stage, only to find Ai, Ranmaru and Camus already waiting for him there. Once he was already backstage and away from the view of the audience, Reiji tried to give them a slight smile and opened his mouth to speak, but Ai, with tears glistening in his teal eyes, immediately stopped him by pulling him into a warm hug, holding him tightly as he buried his face into his shoulder. Before he knew it, Reiji had been surrounded by all of them, their arms holding him tightly, their warmth causing more tears and sobs to be released from his eyes and lips.

He knew that right now, he did not need to explain anything, for they already knew.

The emotions, the memories, the words...

That song had said it all.

The images of the two people whom he had been unable to hear speak to him for what felt like so, so long flickered inside his head like a broken Ferris Wheel and hugging Ai back, he shut his eyes, breaking apart and away in the presence of the three males with him, knowing that they understood and were with him, just like Aine was, just like Natsuki was.

_Those feelings... were truly towards you._

The emotions swept across his heart like waves and he held Ai even tighter, tears stinging his own eyes.

_To you... my dearest... people..._

...

That night, upon Ai's suggestion, the four of them slept over in Natsuki's hospital room. There was only one blue sofa and although Reiji protested against it, the other three insisted that he took the sofa while the rest of them took it upon themselves to rest in sleeping bags. The next day was a day off so they had no problem with sleeping in, which all of them needed after a deeply-draining week but were unsure they were capable of doing. Sitting on the wooden stool by the bed, Reiji watched as Natsuki remained unresponsive and motionless on his bed, his eyes still peacefully closed. 

Smiling sadly, Reiji grasped Natsuki's hand in his a little tighter and allowed another tear to slip down his cheek. 

"We love you..." he whispered under his breath, "our kindest, dearest Nattsun."

???

On an encapsulated bed, the teal-haired boy whom Ai Mikaze was designed to look identical to was seemingly fast asleep, his face shrouded in quiet serenity.

Hakise had gone out to see an old friend, leaving Aine in the bed connected to multifarious machines that were keeping him alive and hoping to restore his consciousness. Aine may not be able to see or hear, but as his consciousness was connected to that of Ai's, a part of him, his heart, could sense what Ai felt, including the emotions from a particular live that had broken Reiji and the rest of the seniors down amidst the agony of a traumatic assault. Even though his mind had yet to awaken enough to process the memories, even though his eyes were not open and no words slipped out of his lips...

His heart knew those feelings, knew what happened.

And a lone tear... rolled down his cheek like a drop of pure sadness.

_"Will it reach you? Will it get through?_

_These words are not enough_

_To express my feelings to my dearest person"_

\- "Itoshiki Hito e", by Reiji Kotobuki (Showtaro Morikubo)


	50. Colours

Natsuki Shinomiya

Tiny specks of lights, colours, appeared in the darkness like stars in a nightscape, silently and suddenly, and they grew like flowers, spreading and overwhelming, and blurred over until all that could be seen was white. A pure, blinding white.

Then came a memory, one of the only childhood memories that he had never forgotten.

He was six years old then, and that day, that warm afternoon in a timeless forest in France, he and his father had come across a white rabbit that had been severely wounded, that was bleeding red on the soft green grass surrounded by bushes of white and pink flowers under the pale sunshine...

That was slowly... and painfully... dying.

"Must have been those trespassing kids, the poor thing," Dad mumbled, his green eyes tight with anguish and sympathy as he pressed a handkerchief against the open wound on the stomach. "I don't think it'll be able to make it at this rate... it's been left far too long like this."

As Dad used his free hand to make a call to the local authorities, a quivering Natsuki quietly approached the little rabbit and started to slowly caress the white fur on top of its head. It was soft and somehow... stroking that soft fur as the rabbit trembled and bled made young Natsuki want to cry even more as he already was as warm tears ran down his cheeks. The rabbit whimpered and Natsuki's green eyes widened behind his black-framed glasses. 

"Y-Your... your family...?"

Natsuki whispered, staring down at the white rabbit as it whimpered again, asking where its family was, and more tears fell down onto the grass.

"I wish... I knew too..." he answered quietly, his voice cracking, "so that... you could see them again... I'm so sorry, little one..."

But as Natsuki uttered those words, the light in the rabbit's round black eyes diminished and faded, causing the boy's heart to be paralyzed in sheer anguish and grief. "N-No..." he barely managed to whisper as he felt the rabbit's neck for a pulse. He trembled even more when he could not find a heartbeat, no matter how much he tried to search. "Dad... Mr Rabbit stopped breathing... I can't... I can't feel his heartbeat." Dad, who had just hung up from the call, carefully placed a hand over the neck of the motionless white rabbit and then slowly faced Natsuki with a painful smile in his green eyes. "D-Dad... you can't... feel it either...?" His dad merely shook his head and pulled Natsuki into his arms as the latter cried softly.

"I'm so sorry, son," Dad muttered soothingly, rubbing his back gently. "We couldn't save the little rabbit. It was too late."

"It wanted... to see its family," Natsuki whispered, sniffling as he let out a choked sob and gripped at the fabric of his dad's jacket. "It a-asked me... where its family was."

"I know, Nacchan." Dad's voice was softer.

"Its family will be s-sad too." 

Natsuki hugged Dad even tighter, tears trickling down his cheeks.

"Its family will be crying too... when they find out."

And they had stayed there until the local authorities came, with Natsuki weeping for the rabbit and its family's loss as the warm tears fell down his face and wet his dad's brown jacket. Thinking back to that sunlit yet excruciating afternoon brought tears welling up inside Natsuki all over again as his heart wrenched painfully in his chest. That was when that childhood memory began to fade away like the wind, only for different memories from a different time to come coursing through his mind like an uncontrollable flood, crashing onto him like a tsunami as he began to be brought back to a broken reality. 

A soundless gasp slipped from his lips as the truth came crashing onto him like a cold waterfall.

He had been beaten in the alleyway under the moon.

He had been crying, screaming and shouting as he tried to stay alive, tears streaming down his face as his body and heart throbbed endlessly with bruises and wounds, as he fought for his life for the sake of his closest friends, refusing his captors each time they asked if he would leave Reiji.

And then...

_I... I was stabbed... just like that little rabbit in that forest._

Even though all that he could see around him was darkness to the point that he could not even see himself, he could feel warm tears trickle down his cheeks as his heart pulsated with sheer pain and sorrow.

_A-And... I... I was left there... bleeding alone... as the moon stayed up there... unable... to stay awake._

_Am I... am I alive...?_

More tears streamed down his face as he whispered the words in his head, fear, uncertainty and anguish breaking his heart in his chest.

_Is my heart... still beating for them...? Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, Maru-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai, Mum, Dad, Eli-chan, Ren-_

That was when the memories suddenly began to glow even brighter, like a star in the night sky, illumining everything, that pure, blinding white returning back to life. He tried to cry out, only for no sound to come out of his mouth, and the light engulfed him, the memories all disappearing behind that brightness, and it shattered his heart.

_I don't want to leave my family! I don't want to leave everyone!_

And suddenly, everything dissolved into black.

Unable to see or hear anything, he slowly opened his eyes, quiet consciousness seeping into his head like a river. At first, all that he could see was blurs of colours and light and it made his head throb painfully. But he silently waited, blinking a few times as he did, and he soon found himself staring up at a dimly-lit, white ceiling. _E... Ehh...?_ Dazed and confused, he tried to pull himself up and his lips curved into a wince at the stinging pain that pulsated all over his body. Letting out a trembling exhale, he looked at his left and right and found his arms attached to tubes that were connected to machines that he was not too familiar with. 

_Is this... the hospital...?_ he whispered in his head.

He tried to pull himself up again, being slower and more careful this time, and although it made his body throb again, he managed to get into sitting position and slowly scanned the room. His eyes began to water when he found the four dearest people to him fast asleep on his left, light snores emanated from them. Ai, Ranmaru and Camus were tucked into lilac, crimson and ice-blue sleeping bags, respectively. Reiji was sleeping on the blue sofa, holding the star plushie that Natsuki had given him against his chest as his lips remained pursed in a thin line and his lower body was covered by a blue blanket. Natsuki felt something soft nudging at his right and smiled weakly when he saw Fawnie, the fawn plushie the senpais had given him, right next to him. Holding the plushie against his chest gently, Natsuki continued to watch over the senpais, tears threatening to fall from his eyes as his heart wavered in his chest.

_Guys... I-_

A painful gasp interrupted his thoughts. His eyes widening, Natsuki turned and saw Reiji's face contorted into a wince as he whispered with a cracked voice under his breath. Natsuki's heart wrenched in pain and he opened his mouth to call out to Reiji, but the latter then slowly opened his eyes, agony flashing across his features, and he slowly shifted on the sofa before getting up into sitting position and clenching his teeth in pain. Massaging his right temple, Reiji raised his head and turned, only to freeze when his eyes fell upon Natsuki, whose green eyes immediately widened with tears as his heart thudded in his chest. Reiji stared at him, his grey eyes slowly dilating in utter disbelief, as though he was starting to think that he was imagining things, and it was not long before he started to quiver and take slow, hesitant steps towards Natsuki until he was standing by the bed. Slowly, Reiji reached a quivering hand out and cradled Natsuki's cheek gently, delicately, and let out a trembling exhale before speaking:

"N... Nattsun...?"

Tears were welling up inside Reiji's grey eyes as he whispered Natsuki's nickname. With warm tears finally breaking free and slipping down his own cheeks, Natsuki smiled weakly but softly as he placed his hand on top of Reiji's and gave his best friend a quiet nod.

"Rei-chan-senpai..." he whispered, his voice trembling.

Reiji let out a nearly-inaudible, shaky gasp, tears beginning to roll down his cheeks as his hand slowly slipped down Natsuki's cheek. It gently made its way down his neck, then his shoulder, his arm, his wrist and his hand, leaving a lingering trail of warmth, the entire movement as soft and delicate as his quivering hand could manage, like he was gradually gathering the courage to believe that Natsuki was really there, that his eyes were not lying to him. His heartbeat loud and laced with soft emotions and deep anguish, Natsuki reached forward and took ahold of Reiji's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. The brunet's eyes widened as he lifted his head and stared into Natsuki's eyes, his lips quivering as a sob slipped out. In the blur of a moment, that one sob evolved into a storm of tears and broken cries and whimpers, and as their cheeks became wetter with tears that were warm and had turned cold, Reiji pulled Natsuki by the hand and into his arms, hugging him extremely tightly as his tears drenched the white T-shirt Natsuki was wearing. Crying softly, Natsuki did not hesitate to hug Reiji back as tightly, holding him in his arms as they both trembled with emotion, whispering his name with a shaky voice.

"We w-were all s-so scared, N-Nattsun..." Reiji muttered between sobs, his voice quivering under his breath, "t-that you w-weren't gonna wake up... T-That it m-might take y-years... y-years that y-you could have spent... smiling w-with that kind... and bright heart of y-yours... y-years... that y-you could have been s-smiling with us, just... like all f-five of us have a-always wanted. I-It had n-nearly been two weeks e-ever since w-we found you bleeding there and... ever since then... l-life... had been so, so p-painful to l-live through... W-We love you, Nattsun... so, so much and I-"

Reiji choked on his sob and Natsuki held him even tighter, his heart wrenching in sheer anguish at the sound and sight of how broken Reiji, as well as Ai, Ranmaru and Camus, had been all this time without him.

"I-I'm so sorry... t-that I f-failed you... t-that you nearly l-lost your life... protecting me... when I... I should have been able to protect you."

"N-No... Rei-chan-senpai."

Sniffling, Natsuki shook his head as he pulled Reiji even closer, tears dribbling down his cheeks as he whispered with a broken voice.

"P-Please... don't apologize and blame yourself... N-None of it was your fault. It was m-my choice... to protect you. B-Because I w-will never leave you. Because I c-care about you. Because... I... I love you a-and want to be with you and t-there for you no matter what... n-no matter how p-painful... it can be."

Reiji cried harder as his hands gripped the back of Natsuki's T-shirt and his tears fell onto the later's shoulder.

"I w-was scared too..." Natsuki let out a broken sob, his lips trembling, "t-that I... I was g-going to lose you g-guys... t-that I w-wouldn't be able to wake up... and s-smile w-with you guys a-again in this world..."

That was when they heard shifting and although they did not let go of each other, they pulled away just enough to turn and see Ai getting up from his sleeping bag, probably awoken by their voices. Blinking a few times, Ai turned to their direction and his teal eyes slowly widened when he was directly facing them. "Natsuki...?" he whispered gently, emotions beginning to fill his eyes as he stared quietly at Natsuki. 

"Ai-chan..." Natsuki nodded slightly, barely managing to give him a faint smile as more tears welled up behind his eyes, and tears began to form in Ai's eyes as his lips curved into a soft smile. "It's... really me."

Ai stared at him for a few wordless moments before nodding back with his smile softening and a single tear falling down his right cheek, and he then shifted his eyes down to the sleeping Ranmaru and Camus. Quietly, he crouched down to gently pat them two of them on the feet to wake them up and softly called out to them. Camus groaned first, his eyes slowly opening, and it was followed by Ranmaru's groan and soft curse. Both of them looked up at Ai groggily, with Ranmaru asking what in the "living nightmares" had happened. Ai told them to get up and merely gestured towards Natsuki. Although puzzled, Ranmaru and Camus pulled themselves up and turned, and the former gasped and the latter's eyes widened when they saw Natsuki. 

"Shi..." Camus was the first to recover from his incredulousness, staring directly into Natsuki's eyes. "Shinomiya...?"

"This..." Ranmaru breathed out, emotions trembling in his heterochromatic eyes, "this ain't some kind of dream or freaking joke, right? That's... you're really here, right... Natsuki?"

"Yep." Natsuki gave his close friends a small smile as tears slipped down his face at the sight of how much pain and sorrow the four of them had all suffered when he was not here, when his eyes were not open to see them. "I'm... here..." He looked around at all four of his closest friends and spoke again, his voice quivering softly. "Maru-chan-senpai... Myu-chan-senpai... Ai-chan... Rei-chan-senpai... I'm right h-here. I-I know... t-that it w-was r-really, really painful for a-all of us, b-but... I'm... b-back now."

He slowly took a deep breath and released a quivering one into the cold air, squeezing Reiji's hand in his gently.

"I'm glad..." he smiled warmly through the tears that lingered in his eyes, "that I... I could smile at and with you guys again."

"You..." Ranmaru seemed taken aback for a moment, but his startled face soon morphed into a light scowl. "There you go... There you go again, puttin' the rest of us ahead of yourself!" he exclaimed, clenching his fists as he gritted his teeth, tears prickling amidst the blazing emotions in his heterochromatic eyes. "You just woke up after bein' tortured like that and then you... you go right ahead and worry about us first? We hated every minute of all that time we had to go on without you, Natsuki!"

His tone escalated as the tears trickled down his cheeks, a sob cracking his voice as he poured out the anguish from his broken, burning heart.

"And one of the things we hated the most about it... was that we knew that you were crying alone inside of you and we couldn't do a freaking thing about it, no matter how much we freaking wished things were different!"

"Your heart was precariously close to stopping by the time the ambulance arrived that night," Camus spoke, his deep voice straining to remain calm and even as tremors of emotions laced them, matching the pain beneath the ice-blue of his eyes. "When the doctor announced that you were in a comatose state with no telling of when you would wake up, we... we were devastated - worse than that. We were broken within ourselves, with our one and only desire unable to be fulfilled, unable to be granted, by anyone."

Camus looked deeply into Natsuki's eyes, and the latter's heart trembled at the unmasked sorrow amidst the tears threatening to fall from the older blond's eyes.

"We were nothing but _broken_ without you, Shinomiya Natsuki. Not just as the quintet known as QUARTET NIGHT, but also and especially as the group of five individuals interconnected by a shatterproof, powerful bond, as the people who have come to acknowledge one another as the most important, dearest people in their hearts. This family that you taught the likes of even the headstrong Kurosaki and I to believe in..." he gritted his teeth, "... was excruciatingly incomplete without you. I would be blatantly lying if I dared say otherwise."

"It was love in its most agonizing form when you weren't here with us."

His voice quiet, Ai slowly approached the bed and wrapped a hand around Natsuki and Reiji's intertwined ones, his teal eyes glimmering with pure emotions and tears.

"We wandered, walked and breathed with a heartfelt piece of our hearts, of us, missing, with the emptiness that it had left behind throbbing endlessly, constantly reminding us of how deeply precious you are to us. So to see you here again, it feels almost like... the nightmares had suddenly faded away into bright dreams, except that it feels much more overwhelming than that, with the emotions and the memories and the warmth of it all."

"We love you so dearly, Nattsun."

Two more hands were placed on top of the intertwined hands, and Natsuki felt a deep warmth emanating in his quivering heart as he saw Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus standing together by the same side of the bed, their faces wet with tears but adorned by warm, heartfelt smiles as Reiji gave his hand a tight squeeze and spoke again, his voice soft and earnest.

"And right back at you... it means more than anything... that we can smile with... and at you again... and this... is how it'll always, always be."

His heart palpitated loudly and unsteadily in his chest, like the wings of a crying canary, as he felt his lips curve into a tearful, genuine smile and whispered as clearly as his quivering voice could manage, "I love you guys t-too... just... like always..." And before he could reach towards them, Reiji pulled him forward, allowing him to be wrapped in a warm group hug filled with shaky inhales and exhales, sobs and sniffles, whispers and mutters, all from the voices of the five people gathered there under the dim lighting of the otherwise-silent room, with no one else but the nightscape beyond the window watching over them. And all at once, their emotions, their warmth, and their unspoken words all overflowed throughout the room like the gentle ocean of stars, fireflies and fireworks that could never be seen, even though they were bright and beautiful and heartfelt.

_It's bright again..._

Wrapping his arms around Reiji and Ai even tighter, Natsuki smiled softly as the tears quietly slipped down their faces and through the night.

_It's truly, truly bright... Bright... and colourful._

Reiji Kotobuki

Every second from the moment he found Natsuki conscious and awake on the bed with his kind, emerald eyes staring at him, Reiji's heart palpitated in an inconsistent rate, engulfed in waves of warm tears and emotions that threatened to overflow and overwhelm him each time he was reminded all over again, felt within himself, that this was truly real. That his closest friend opened his eyes and could smile at and with them again with not only his lips but his pure, warm heart.

After sharing a long, emotional hug, the five of them had started talking more, with none of them wanting or able to sleep, and it was not long until Natsuki needed to use the bathroom, which was expected. Although he said that he wanted to try walking by himself, seeing and knowing how weak his condition was, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus immediately disagreed, assuring him that they were more than willing to help him. Natsuki started trembling when he looked into the mirror and saw the stab wound peering from behind the white gauze on his chest after he took his T-shirt off, inevitably remembering the torture that he had been forced through in the alleyway. As he stared at it with dilated eyes filled with tears and anguish and a quiet sob slipping from his lips, Reiji did not waste a moment to wrap his arms around Natsuki from behind, pulling him close, whispering that no one was here to hurt him anymore, that he, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus were all here with him and would do anything to protect him, that Natsuki did not have to be afraid.

"H-He was s-smiling as he did it," Natsuki whimpered in a near whisper, tears rolling down his cheeks and mixing with the warm water that fell onto him from the shower head. He squeezed his eyes shut as he shook his head, trembling. "I j-just want him to stop, p-please... p-please..."

"He won't be going anywhere near you again," Reiji softly assured Natsuki as he washed the latter's blond hair, carding his fingers through the fluffiness and softness of those locks of dishevelled hair. Standing behind Natsuki, who had been given a wooden stool to sit on, Reiji felt a lump in his throat. "You know that none of us can or will ever lie to you, right? As long as the five of us are together, there is nothing to be afraid of, nothing that we cannot overcome." His lips curved into a soft smile. "Just like back when you were constantly haunted by those cruel dreams, let's think of something beautiful and bright together, like a memory or thought that makes you smile. I know; like how we all laid on that soft green grass under the moon and stars with those hot drinks while singing softly together?"

"Yep." Natsuki chuckled weakly as he gently scrubbed his own body with soap, but Reiji could hear a smile there. "That was such a lovely moment. It was where we came across the inspiration for a ballad version of 'Starlight Memory.'"

"You got that right," Reiji remarked, his smile brightening as his hands continued running across Natsuki's scalp, threading firmly but gently. "And that one time our next-door neighbour came back drunk and banged on our door in the middle of the night."

Natsuki was laughing even more now, and the sound of his earnest cheer brought pure warmth shrouding Reiji's heart. "Maru-chan-senpai was so mad and asked us if he could throw Dai-kun down the rooftop. And Alexander-kun was barking angrily as we tried to stop Maru-chan-senpai from yelling."

Reiji could not help but laugh. "And Myu-chan suggested for Ran-Ran to get anger management lessons. Though that only made Ran-Ran even angrier, to the point that Ai-Ai suggested knocking him out."

"We all came back late from a video shooting that day, right?" Wiping his tears away, Natsuki glanced over his shoulder and smiled faintly. "More than anything, we all needed to rest. I'm just glad that sitting in the living room while drinking chamomile tea helped us relax at least a little after that."

"You didn't have to brew that tea, ya know. We told you that ourselves and yet you still insisted with that warm smile and we couldn't stop you." Reiji smiled fondly as he turned the shower head on and caused water to sprinkle onto Natsuki's hair. Washing the shampoo off Natsuki's scalp by running his fingers through his hair, Reiji felt his heart ache with love and sadness at the same time. _We had no idea what to do with ourselves when you weren't here._ "That smile of yours is so pure and warm to the point that it's contagious. You had it when we first met and still do, and we never want you to lose it. Because it's yours and no one else's."

A warm tear slipped down Reiji's right cheek as his lips curved into a gentle smile.

"You are always taking care of us, brewing tea and all even when you are just as tired, but let us take care of you, alright? Let us do the brewing and everything else this time and before you even think it, don't feel bad or apologize; it's all a part of loving our warmest, dearest Nattsun."

Reiji could feel Natsuki quiver slightly as the latter took in a quiet, shaky breath and slowly released it into the air that had been made warm by the water from the shower, the glass fogging up a little more than before. Carefully, Natsuki turned his head around to face Reiji and the latter felt his heart squeeze at the tears glimmering in those kind green eyes. Without a word, Natsuki wrapped his arms around Reiji's waist and buried his head against his stomach, hugging him tightly with his eyes closed even as the warm water continued to shower down like a summer drizzle. Knowing that Natsuki might catch a cold if he stayed drenched and without clothes for too long, Reiji opened his mouth to speak, only to be stopped by Natsuki.

"Please let me hug you just for a little bit."

His quiet voice wavered with emotion a little, but it did not stop him from continuing.

"I missed this so much. I know that I wasn't conscious for the most part, but... something inside me feels lonely and warm hugs, especially from you guys... make me so happy, and I miss them so much. Most of all... I miss you guys so much. So please... just for a moment, let me hold you, Rei-chan-senpai... please."

Reiji's eyes widened as even more tears slipped down his cheeks and the water dripped onto him and his own clothes too, his best friend's innocent sincerity and sheer vulnerability doing no favours for him keeping his tears at bay. Not that he had the will to truly hide them. Chuckling quietly, Reiji murmured that he supposed that Ai would not get on their case if it were just for half a minute and hugged Natsuki back, weaving his fingers through that soft blond hair as his other hand ran up and down his back soothingly. When they heard knocking on the other side of the door and Ai asking if everything was alright inside, the two of them slowly pulled away, but Reiji kept one hand on Natsuki's shoulder.

"Looks like the time for hugs is up for now, but we don't have to worry 'bout that."

He squeezed his best friend's shoulder gently and gave him a sincere, tender smile.

"There's lots and lots of warm hugs just like this one to come, and when we've both changed to dry clothes, I'll be sure to give you another, one that's much longer than this one. And if the tubes allow it, we can even cuddle! Sounds good, right?"

The gentle happiness that shone in Natsuki's smiling green eyes gave Reiji the answer without any words needed to be said, melting his heart with warmth. Natsuki then gave his hand a soft squeeze and nodded, the grateful smile on his face tugging palpably at Reiji's heartstrings. And so under the fluorescent lamps, they washed off the remainder of the soap and shampoo as the tears and water droplets continued to glisten before drying off and changing to clean clothes. 

_We do not just want you to not be afraid and not be hurt or sad. We want you to be happy, purely, brightly and earnestly happy, with those warm hugs, gentle smiles and bright laughs of yours that no one can ever imitate or steal away no matter how hard they try to._

With a heart overflowing with that warmth that he had so painfully missed sharing with him, right after tucking Natsuki back into bed with help from Ai, Reiji pulled both of them into a tight hug, a smile finally able to glisten inside his heart after what felt like too long.

 _And all of us do not just want it... we'll do anything to make sure of it_ , Reiji whispered in his head as he playfully tickled the back of Natsuki's neck and laughed when the younger blond squeaked in surprise, causing Ranmaru, Ai and Camus to laugh too. _Just like before, the same applies to now._

Grinning, Reiji pulled away to look directly at his ticklish best friend's face, and his smile brightened when he saw Natsuki laughing as well, his voice light and earnest.

_As long as you can smile... so can we, now and always._

Ai Mikaze

Less than two hours after Natsuki had regained consciousness, the doctor, Dr Agatsuma, came into the room to check on his condition. With the only people present to hear it being all five of them and his assistant, the head doctor explained that while Natsuki's heartbeat was mostly stable and his blood level had gone back to normal, it was necessary for him to stay at the hospital for at least three more days for checkups and his body to recuperate more before he was safe to return home. However, even after he was released from the hospital, Natsuki was not to do anything strenuous for the time being, meaning that numerous consecutive live shows, especially those with heavy dance movements, were not an option. Neither was anything inducing a tremendous amount of stress allowed, for Natsuki needed time for his mental and emotional health to heal too. Natsuki softly inquired if he could at least try to compose music when he was still hospitalized and with a soft smile, the middle-aged doctor answered.

"If it does not put any strain to your recovery, you may, Shinomiya-san," Dr Agatsuma answered, "but while I do not know much about music myself, I have a daughter who writes songs and so I know how difficult, and thus painful, it can be to attempt to create new compositions. So while I will not stop you from doing so, at the very least, it will be most beneficial to yourself if you do not immerse yourself too much into it. Especially with how fragile of a state you are currently in."

"Natsuki, we know that you feel terrible thinkin' of how you hadn't been able to do your job as a QUARTET NIGHT member during the time you couldn't get up," Ranmaru stated, crossing his arms, "but you gotta take it easy, kid. It'll do no one, especially yourself, any good if you collapse from overworking yourself, and I don't have to remind you of the times you did push yourself to the point of near collapse, right?"

Natsuki winced slightly, his eyes lowered. "Yeap."

"You are a naturally kind and selfless person, but now's definitely _not_ the time to be that kind and selfless, got it?"

"Yeap." His voice was almost inaudible.

"And you shouldn't think of it as being selfish or feel guilty about it," Reiji added, tightening his arm around Natsuki's shoulders. "You aren't being selfish or anything. The last thing we wanna do is make you think that way when all we want right now is for you to let yourself heal. We took all those QUARTET NIGHT jobs to keep the band together for your sake too, you know." His lips curved into a faint smile. "So right now, please don't worry about a thing and let all of us take care of you, okay?"

"Every second that you can utilize to rest and regain your strength is vital to your recovery," Ai remarked, nodding briefly. "Everyone is right, Natsuki. It would be best if you take the time to recuperate without anything to strain yourself and as much as composing is something that you are passionate about, struggling while doing so is still nevertheless painful. Therefore, we would highly suggest that you avoid it for now, for your recovery takes highest priority."

"Absolutely." Camus nodded, grunting in agreement. He turned to look down at the blond sitting beside him, his ice-blue eyes stern. "You understand, don't you, Shinomiya?"

His lips curving into a weak smile, Natsuki nodded, relenting as he expressed that he understood and would listen to them, that he would do all he could to recover so that they all could smile with their hearts together, and with gratitude shimmering in his eyes, he thanked them. At those words, Ranmaru sighed and remarked that Natsuki was still being both kind and selfless in that sense, but since he was not trying to push doing idol work, the rocker supposed that he could not complain. And hearing Ranmaru say all of it verbally made Natsuki, Reiji, Ai and the head doctor chuckle as Camus teased him with a sly smirk, the latter initiating yet another quarrel. And from then onward, relaxing was what all five of them agreed to do together, starting from continuing having a light breakfast that the doctor and his nurse had inadvertently interrupted with their entrance.

_There is a myriad of emotions flowing within me simultaneously and in a manner that is as sincere as it is unrestrained. And a significant amount of these emotions... are emotions that I have been unable to feel nearly this strongly, or even the smallest ounce of, for the past eleven days._

Each second that had formerly been relentlessly anguishing to live through was now as innocuous as it was beloved as he relished them while spending all of it with Natsuki, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus. As Ai sipped his plastic cup of strawberry tea that Camus had brewed for everyone, he looked around and felt a sincere smile curving on his lips at the sight of everyone being capable of smiling together again and Natsuki, although still in a frail state, hugging his fawn plushie as he laughed at something that Reiji said. 

_The warmth that felt and was painfully ephemeral like fading sunlight when you were not here and yet is incredibly moving, lingering and precious now that your heart is pulsating with your trademark smile again. The love that only grows and blossoms like a promising flower the more time that we spend with one another. The innocent sincerity that veils over the remnants of the wounds and scars of our hearts like an unseen yet discernible blanket and yet had been nowhere to be felt when your absence left a hollow coldness inside of us._

The fawn plushie was suddenly held out to Ai and his eyes widened as he looked at Natsuki, inquiring what was the matter. Smiling gently, Natsuki asked if Ai wanted to give Fawnie, the name that the blond had given the plush doll, a hug, and the latter could not help but chuckle at the unchanged adorableness of his closest friend.

_This laughter that we share... was greatly missed as well._

"Actually, I have something else in mind."

Natsuki tilted his head to one side curiously. "What is it, Ai-chan?"

Ai's lips curved into a mysterious, almost-playful smile. "Hugging Fawnie is not a bad idea, but..."

"W-Wahh!"

Ai pulled Natsuki close to him and held the innocent blond gently but firmly, resting his chin on the latter's shoulder as he wrapped his arms a little tighter around him. Noting Natsuki's surprised reaction, Ai let out a soft laugh before continuing.

"I'd much rather hug both the plushie and you at this very moment," he stated softly, allowing himself to immerse in Natsuki's tender warmth. "I, just like Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus, have gone for ten straight days without a single bear hug from you, so without the need of much elaboration, I've been deprived and deficient of your hugs."

Letting out a sigh, his voice turned into a quiet whisper as his lips eased into a gentle smile.

"I hope that holding you... brings you comfort too, as I know that hugs bring you calmness and warmth."

"Hey, hey, hey! If you guys are hugging, I want in too!"

Without warning, Reiji draped his arms around both Natsuki and Ai, chortling happily.

"You don't normally start the hugs, but every time you do, you're just so, so cute, Ai-Ai!"

"Yeap!" Natsuki agreed, his voice filled with brightness.

"No, I am not c-"

"Just admit it," Ranmaru cut in, a smirk evident in his voice as a deep laugh rumbled from his throat. "Ya can be real soft when ya want to, and now is counted for sure. Man, today's filled with so many chances to recall those moments, huh? Like that time you-"

"Before you continue, do bear in mind that my current doings do not give you the benefit of directly embarrassing me," Ai stated, trying to ignore the faint blush on his cheeks. "But if you wish to proceed, how about I stop you there and recall the time when you received the wrong outfit in the greenroom and were given a-"

"Oi!" Ranmaru yelled, and even without looking, Ai was 100% certain that the rocker was blushing now as Natsuki and Camus chuckled and Reiji burst out laughing. "Shut up! That incident wasn't even my fault! That moron for a staff member just _had_ to label the outfits wrongly and cause me to receive a freaking pink _dress_! And the fact that the whole lot of you four were enjoying it did not do me any freaking favours! If I were forced to wear that thing, my reputation'd be dead by now!"

"Or not," Camus remarked, his voice laced with a sly smirk. "You could end up configuring a brand new reputation altogether. Although, well, it would be one that is the complete opposite of what you would expect from the "hardcore" Ranmaru K-"

"And don't even get me started on you, you royal prick!"

_There is no trace of throbbing hollowness anymore._

As he felt Natsuki hold him in his strong, unwavering arms tightly and listened to the overlapping five voices filled with their intertwined rhythm and invaluable emotions amidst a bond that no one could ever shatter apart, Ai smiled gently, revelling in all that he had missed, all that time had been seemingly frozen without. Now he was more grateful than before that the four of them had unanimously agreed to clear their schedules for the weekend, for since they had no work to do, they could, without any interventions, spend all of it as the quintet that had felt and been deeply incomplete without their kind, gentle and warm best friend. Just as Reiji, Ai and Natsuki pulled away from one another a few long moments later, there were a few knocks on the wooden door and it opened, revealing the doctor and two police officers.

"Since the victim of the assault is now awake, these two young officers would like to take his statement in regards to what happened the night of the assault," Dr Agatsuma explained, gesturing at the two police officers beside him.

"If you would like, Mr Shinomiya," the female officer offered, giving Natsuki a slight smile before glancing around at the senpais, "you may be accompanied by a family member or close friend. Dr Agamatsu mentioned that the four with you now are your best friends, so if it would make you more comfortable, they can remain in the room."

Natsuki turned his head to face Ai, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus, the atmosphere shifting from light to being thick with unspoken tension and unease, and his eyes were tinged with pain and worry. "I'd be really glad and relieved if you guys could stay, but... I'm going to have to talk about what happened during the assault, right?" Ai nodded in confirmation and Natsuki winced slightly, lowering his eyes. "That... That is going to hurt so, so much. So it's... it's okay if you guys want to leave the room until this is done-"

"Nope." Reiji shook his head, placing his hand on Natsuki's shoulder as he spoke quietly. When Natsuki slowly raised his head, Reiji smiled softly. "We're staying here with you, Nattsun. Us staying is going to help you and like you said, you want us to, so that's exactly what we're gonna do and we are more than happy too."

"Not to mention, we would like to have a clearer understanding of precisely what took place in the alleyway during that atrocious night," Camus continued, crossing his arms with deep graveness in his ice-blue eyes. "So as inevitably excruciating as the retelling will be-"

"There ain't any chance that we are walkin' out on ya," Ranmaru finished, plopping down on the blue sofa beside Camus. "Not a chance."

Ai nodded, agreeing with everything that Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru had said, and smiled gently as he rubbed Natsuki on the back soothingly. If the presence of the four of them could ease the discomfort and tension in Natsuki's heart, none of them saw any reason to leave. Moreover, the only information regarding what had happened that they had managed to gather so far was from Natsuki's state of being then and now and the words of the three perpetrators during the arrest, so they definitely needed to be here if they wished to comprehend the cold-blooded night even further, even though Ai's heart warned him that it would be nothing less than heartbreaking. With a faint smile, Natsuki quietly thanked all of them, with one hand holding onto Reiji's, and assured the police officers that he was more than okay with the senpais being here. And so immediately after the doctor left the room and shut the door behind him, the two police officers started from the time before Natsuki had been knocked unconscious.

"Where were you before it happened?"

"I was leaving the greenroom," Natsuki replied softly, trying to keep his voice even as everyone else remained silent. "The live show was over and I had packed my belongings, so I left because I wanted to go home."

The way that Natsuki uttered the sentence, _I wanted to go home_ , the quiet fragility and sadness in those five words alone, brought a deep pain twisting through Ai's chest as he ran his hand up and down Natsuki's back slowly and soothingly, knowing that even though it was difficult and painful to listen to the detailed truth of what had happened, so was recalling the broken memories of it.

 _But I didn't make it home_ , was what Natsuki did not verbally say, but they all painfully knew.

The male police officer, the senior of the two, encouraged Natsuki to continue, asking what happened next, and the blond explained that someone grabbed him and muffled him before he was suddenly struck on the head and passed out. Even the event prior to the torture was already painful to listen to, and the ominous feeling of how agonizing it would be to listen to what Natsuki had been forced through in the alleyway constricted his insides, squeezing tightly. And noticing the flinch on Reiji's face and the grim looks on Ranmaru and Camus' faces... Ai knew that they were all feeling deeply apprehensive about it too.

"After that, you regained consciousness, right?"

The female officer asked, her voice gentler now, most likely empathizing with the fact that this was excruciating for Natsuki. 

"We would like to know what happened after that. Take all the time you need to answer."

Natsuki gave her a small nod, not saying a word. However, even as he remained quiet, his hands were starting to tremble, precisely like the terrified light in his lowered emerald eyes. Pure anguish coldly pierced through his heart like jagged icicles at the sight of Natsuki this tortured and vulnerable and without sparing a second of hesitation, Ai reached up a little to stroke his hair gently, threading his fingers up and down through the blond locks, hoping to soothe the thoughts and memories in his head. 

"We are here with you, so you do not have to be afraid, Natsuki."

Ai muttered the words softly as Reiji squeezed Natsuki's hand and gave him a gentle, encouraging smile. Ranmaru and Camus reassured Natsuki with words that were synonymous to what Ai had said and he took a deep breath and released it into the silent room's atmosphere, his lips quivering slightly. Nodding quietly at everyone, Natsuki raised his head to face them and after a moment of pure silence, started, "When I woke up in that alleyway, I felt pain. In my head, the rest of my body, and... I couldn't get up from the chair I was tied to and thought I was all alone at first as I couldn't see anyone there. And even though I hadn't seen Kei or Hibiki or Ozrock then..."

Natsuki looked down at the cuts that lingered on his wrists, his voice quieter and etched with pain.

"From the corner of my lips, I... I was already bleeding. And it... it was terrifying."

The words stumbled and faltered from his lips, but Ai could see how hard Natsuki was trying from how he kept going, regardless how much the anguish intensified in his green eyes. And from there... the events of that heartless and shattered night only served to break Ai's heart even more, tides and tides of deep sorrow and helplessness drowning him as the words trickled through the room like a broken cadence. It initially started with Kei and Hibiki without Ozrock's presence. Natsuki had been forced to sit through rounds of torture, beaten and jerked around, nails dug and dragged through his skin, with the only way to escape it being him agreeing to abandon Reiji. And each time they asked, Natsuki would adamantly refuse, which had consequently caused them to increase the level of pain they subjected him to. As his voice trembled with the painful words, tears peeked through Natsuki's eyes and trickled down his cheeks, and he squeezed Reiji's hand in his and Ai felt slivers of glassy anguish dig even deeper through his chest.

_Kei and Ozrock attempted to use Natsuki as a tool to break Reiji apart. And when they failed with each time Natsuki refused, they heightened the pain and even resorted to gagging him and slamming him against the walls, leading to all those internal and external bruises in the bones and on the skin, the head concussions, the deep scratches and not to mention... the emotional trauma._

_And he... was on his own, with none of us..._ the anguish pierced Ai even deeper, _... to alleviate the pain, to prevent it from happening in the first place._

Reiji tried to hold back a sob as tears slid down his cheeks and he clutched Natsuki's hand even tighter, Ranmaru gritted his teeth, and Camus squeezed his eyes shut.

_Then... the two resorted to bringing in that callous sadist who had broken Natsuki all those months ago... Tablo Ozrock. And he... after stabbing Natsuki on various areas of the body..._

"I tried to plead with him... to not kill me..."

_Even when his two fellow perpetrators protested against it..._

"Telling him... t-that I... didn't want everyone to be s-sad... that I didn't want them to cry..."

_Tablo Ozrock..._

"He smiled cruelly and a-after saying a f-few more t-things and b-bye..."

_With malicious glee..._

"... stabbed m-me in the chest."

_Attempted to take Natsuki's life and left him there to bleed out._

By the time he was done recalling everything until the point that he lost consciousness, Natsuki was already crying uncontrollably, releasing quiet sobs and sniffles, tears falling down his face like rivulets, the light in his normally-bright green eyes trembling with unspeakable, heartbreaking sorrow, fear and grief. And Reiji had pulled him into his arms, trying to stifle his own sobs as his tears drenched the sleeve of their best friend's pale blue T-shirt, whispering wavering, tortured words with a quiet, broken voice. The police officers lowered their heads as Ranmaru clamped a hand down onto Reiji's shoulder and clenched his teeth and Camus scooted closer to the group and with his head down, closed his eyes in unspoken pain. With unshed tears stinging in his own eyes, Ai kept his arm wrapped tightly around the trembling Natsuki as he buried his face into his other shoulder and felt a lump in his throat, the revelation coldly reminding everyone of how, even without the word being uttered, that Natsuki... nearly _died_. 

_Those three perpetrators... nearly left a gaping hole in our hearts... that could never be filled ever again in this world._

The critically low blood level in his system, the severe deprivation of oxygen, the faint beating of his heart, those excruciating days that gave no sign of him regaining consciousness... All those memories crashed upon them all over again like frozen waves as he felt Natsuki take his hand into his own, intertwine their fingers together, and squeeze softly, a gesture that he might not have been able to experience in this world ever again... had they found Natsuki even a moment later in that alleyway. When the police officers concluded that they had taken Natsuki's statement and asked everything that they had come to ask, they left the room, and Ranmaru did not waste a second to slam a fist against the wall and curse repeatedly and with a voice smouldering in burning and broken emotions, thanked God that even after all that torture, Natsuki was alive. That Natsuki was awake and here with them and that his heart was beating with theirs. That that broken night... did not end him.

_When you first joined QUARTET NIGHT as its fifth and final member, we made a permanent change to the design of the band name. "NIGHT", the second word in the band name, was formerly, by no means, an acronym, but we made a major adjustment to that fact. There is a scintillating, glowing meaning in the letter "N" of QUARTET NIGHT._

That "N" shone with a vibrant gold hue, akin to the unwavering sun.

_That "N" represents your given first name, "Natsuki"... For without that "N", without you... there is no starry night sky, no trace of sunshine amidst darkness, to look up to, to guide us back home. Once you officially became a band member, we publicly and privately established the symbolism of the name "QUARTET NIGHT" with the word "QUARTET" representing the four initial members - Reiji, Ranmaru, Camus and I - and the "N" in the word "NIGHT" representing you. So in other words, without you... there was not a single bright night that the four of us could ever hope to find a glimpse of._

He closed his eyes as he felt Natsuki rub the back of his hand with his thumb in a slow circular motion, and with trembling lips, he exhaled as a few tears dribbled down his cheeks.

_There was no "sunshine" in "star", there was no "light" in "life". So even as broken as we are at this very moment with the memories of a night that we wish to never ever relive... because you are here with us... this present time... is much, much brighter... than every second of those ten days in which you had been unresponsive and comatose combined. After all..._

He smiled weakly but sincerely.

_... at the very end, no matter how strong we may be or seem... it all comes down to "love"... doesn't it?_

Ranmaru Kurosaki

Throughout the three days at the hospital, there had been numerous visits from many different people. Eli and his family and Yuuto had been the very first ones to come, surprisingly even before Shining himself, and the moment they saw Natsuki, Eli teared up and threw himself against his official senpai and close friend and gave him a tight hug, which Natsuki immediately returned just as tightly, a warm smile in the latter's green eyes.

"Since I can go back home in a few days," Natsuki told Eli with a soft smile crinkling in his eyes, "I can also see you off at your first day at Saotome Gakuen. The new semester starts next Monday, right?"

"Natsuki-san," Eli's eyes widened in deep worry, "I'd love to have you there too, but you need as much rest as you can get-"

"Your first day at the academy only comes once and never again, and I don't want to miss it," Natsuki stated, ruffling Eli's hair gently as his expression softened. "You don't have to worry about it, Eli-kun. I won't push myself too hard."

"And he has us to make sure of it," Ranmaru added, propping an elbow against Natsuki's shoulder. "Man, you're doin' a good job as Natsuki's kouhai; keeping him on his toes and making sure he does not drive himself over the edge." His lips slanted into a lopsided grin. "I like that."

Not long after the first visit came many more. Ren, Cecil, Otoya, Natsuki's parents who took the quickest flight to see their son, his barista friends from their favourite cafe, Shining Saotome, the senseis Ryuya and Ringo, and some birds from behind the window came to visit as well. So did Masato, with whom Natsuki, as well as the rest of QUARTET NIGHT, reconciled with over cups of hot green tea and firm handshakes, with the blue-haired pianist bowing and wishing them all the best and the kind-hearted blond pulling him into a tight hug, as well as grim warnings to Masato from Ai, Ranmaru and Camus. 

"You can't play double agent forever," Ranmaru told his assigned kouhai, frowning deeply. "It'll only cause more harm than good the more you keep this up. But then again, Tokiya and Syo already know that you've come here more than once to visit, so in our opinion, ya ought to just straight up tell 'em how you really feel about this mess. It's late, but the more time you let pass by, the more past 'too late' you will be."

"Meanwhile, however, is it safe to say that you, Hijirikawa, will not be lying to any single one of us any longer?" Camus questioned, sipping his tea. "Not that we are at all hasty to believe it, which is frankly evident."

"I will prove that it is," Masato stated, his eyes calm but serious. "As long as it takes."

"Good." Ranmaru nodded, narrowing his eyes.

Deep down, Ranmaru was extremely, extremely _relieved_ that Natsuki actually allowed all of them to take care of him instead of forcing himself to push through. Because with all honesty, Ranmaru would not know what to do if Natsuki were to collapse again right after he had just woken up from nearly losing his life. Thank God that as selfless as he was, Natsuki could not say "no" to them or Eli. It was not long before three days flew by and Ranmaru, Reiji, Ai and Camus were able to bring Natsuki home. Natsuki did idol work, but under the restrictions that all of them and Shining Saotome had agreed on. With Natsuki's weakened state, for one, he was not to dance during live performances as it would only put a strain on his body injuries. Interviews, guest appearances and even singing was fine, but anything that required much movement was prohibited. Most of the jobs that they got, and therefore took, was thankfully group work, so the five of them got to be together throughout majority of the time. However, even though there were instances in which Natsuki had to do solo work, with adjustments in their schedules, at least one of them would be there to accompany him and make sure no one tried to pick on him or get on his case for being in a fragile state. 

There was one co-worker, Thoren, who had the nerve to try and harass Natsuki after the latter was getting off the set from a photo shoot that centred around beauty shots. While Reiji and Ranmaru were walking with Natsuki to the changing rooms and chatting about the photo shoot, the lowlife had come up behind them and shoved him to the ground, mockingly saying, "Good work today, you disabled, useless sunshine." Before that lowlife even had the chance of escaping, Ranmaru gritted his teeth, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, and slammed him against the wall while Reiji helped a wincing Natsuki up. Disgusting lowlifes like Thoren who uttered nothing but rubbish and played innocent for the mere sake of the camera made Ranmaru feel nothing but _sick_ ; how dare he freaking spit that trash out to Natsuki? When Ranmaru was sure that Natsuki, who was being supported by Reiji, was okay, he snapped his head around to scowl at the moron that he had pinned against the wall, his teeth gritted.

"Listen here, you scum," Ranmaru snapped, pushing him against the wall even harder. "If anyone's useless here, it's _you_. You must not have a freaking brain if you're callin' him names after seein' how well he did pushing through during that photo shoot. And be oh-so-bold thinkin' you can get away with harassing him when both Reiji _and_ I are right beside him. Let me tell ya that if Ai and Camus were here as well, you'd be dead meat already."

Once Ranmaru shoved him away, somehow Thoren mustered the courage to raise a fist at him, spitting out some insult that he could not care to decipher through that babbling. Gritting his teeth, Ranmaru immediately grabbed him by the arm and slammed a cold fist against his face, knocking him to the cold floor. "We're _done_. Reiji, Natsuki, we're leaving." Reiji and Natsuki nodded without hesitation and the three of them made their way to the changing rooms together, with Ranmaru keeping a protective arm around the latter. Moments like those made Ranmaru wonder why on actual earth countless ordinary people just _had_ to total morons and lowlifes instead of truly making something good out of their lives. What good could possibly come out of a life dedicated to churning out satisfaction from watching other people suffer? How in the name of rock could anyone laugh like hyenas after shoving others down to the ground and leaving them in the dust? And how could those lowlifes ever have the heart... to do it to the ones who would _never_ even consider doing it back to them?

And all those thoughts were exactly what were burning in the back of Ranmaru's head as he and Camus sat beside each other at a small round table in the police station's visiting room, their eyes staring directly at the duo across from them. Clearly, if Ranmaru had it his way, he would be beating the two scums before his very eyes to a freaking pulp, but Camus, as well as Ai, Natsuki and Reiji, cared way more than enough for him to not want him charged for physical assault so he was reigning in the violent anger that was threatening to burn this freaking room down. Clenching his fists, he and Camus watched as Kei and Hibiki, the two vermin who had seemed to make it their lives' mission to make Reiji's life a living nightmare and tortured Natsuki to the point of near death, kept their eyes glued to the video that they had forced them to watch from start until finish, his blood boiling with anger and resentment, whereas Reiji and Ai were at home with Natsuki, whom all four of them agreed to keep _miles and miles away_ from these scums. It was clear that as cold-hearted as they were, Kei and Hibiki did not feel nothing towards what they had just watched on the laptop screen, even though they were trying pathetically hard to suppress it all. Once the video was over, Camus closed the laptop and after a long, sharp exhale, Ranmaru started.

"'Itoshiki Hito e'," Ranmaru stated, his tone edged with unveiled anger. "Reiji wrote and composed that song all by himself, and what you two just saw... was the broken debut of the broken song."

His eyes were narrowed in a harsh stare.

"During the time he was in pieces after what you've done to Natsuki."

Hibiki kept his eyes down on the dull grey table while Kei slowly raised his head up, his yellow eyes piercing with remnants of defiance and frustration. Camus' expression remained cold and unforgiving as Ranmaru clenched his fists even tighter and the anger in his heart gradually intensified like flames.

"After you nearly took the _life_ ," he spat through gritted teeth, "of our closest friend."

"We _told_ you," Kei snapped in irritation, his eyes scowling at Ranmaru, "that we were not trying to kill Shinomiya-"

"And beating him up over and over and worsening it each time he refused to give what you wanted isn't torturing him to the point of near death?" Ranmaru demanded sharply, slamming a fist against the table surface, and Kei halted. He spat out a curse. "Is that seriously what you lowlifes are gonna say to defend your sorry selves in court? You both, along with that sicko Ozrock, freaking orchestrated the kidnapping and the torture and did all of it yourselves, and if that is not slowly killing the life out of a human being, I don't know what is."

"We will admit that it went further than intended," Hibiki began, much calmer than his seething friend, although his eyes were not pleased either, "but we still stick with the argument that the blame is not entirely ours and Ozrock's. If Reiji-"

"Do you fools believe that dragging Kotobuki into every argument with such vile prejudice will shift even the slightest ounce of blame away from you?" Camus cut in, his tone colder than ice. "As asinine as you two may be, he did absolutely nothing to-"

"He took Aine away from us and just left us all in the freaking dirt!" Kei snapped. 

"That is nothing but a delusional belief," Camus stated harshly through clenched teeth, scoffing coldly.

"He thinks he is so freaking _entitled_ -"

"I highly advise you to zip that _ludicrous_ mouth of yours before-"

"To deserve to be happy after he killed Aine-"

"One more word and you're-"

"After taking him, who never hurt a soul, for freaking granted-"

"Reiji is one of the only people I know who have never, and I mean _never_ , taken anybody for granted!" Ranmaru shouted, abruptly getting up, causing the chair to rattle behind him. Barely managing to grasp ahold of himself and his awareness as to where they were, Ranmaru did all he could to lower his voice as he glowered at both Kei and Hibiki with unrestrained rage blazing in every inch of his soul. "And you know what, you ungrateful scums? He's the one who has been taken for granted by nearly everyone around him! By you two, by countless co-workers who think of him as nothing by a goof and a moron, by his two assigned kouhais, by elite people who think that they can do whatever they freaking want to him as he keeps a freaking grin on, by people who think they understand him but don't even know the first thing about how he really is behind those cheerful smiles and kind gestures..."

His balled fists were quivering violently on the table as he clenched his teeth tightly, memories of Reiji flashing them blithe smiles and shaking his green maracas whilst trying his hardest to hide his own suffering flickering in his head like broken streetlamps.

"And we... Camus, Ai and I... we... we were no exception either," Ranmaru confessed, the guilt and anguish that had been bottled up within his heart spilling over like scalding water, burning him, searing him, as his voice softened painfully. "We used to treat him like a joke most of the time, you know, when he deserved as much as we did to be taken seriously not only as a band member, but as a person... and as a friend. He was always trying his best to help us get along, bein' the mediator during fights, pleading us to get more group work, asking if we could all hang out, and all that stuff, and the three of us rejected him to no end. Told him to not be ridiculous. To shut up and leave us alone. And God, I can't keep count of the times we actually snapped at him for it, and that... that was all real low of us, honestly."

Out of the corner of his eye, Ranmaru saw Camus' ice-blue eyes calm but filled with what could only be genuine sadness and noted that the Permafrost royal did not deny even a syllable of what had been said. And they both knew that if Ai were here in this visiting room as well, he would not disagree either. Across from them, somehow Kei and Hibiki's expressions started to crack, considering all the accusations and excuses from before, and with a heart squeezing tightly in his chest, Ranmaru pushed himself forward.

"And yet... he never gave up on us, never blamed us. He loved us just the way we were and buried his pain behind his bright smiles and laughs no matter what we did, and without knowin' it... we let him bleed alone. All three of us did, even when he had always done everything he could to be there for us during even our roughest times, all while we took him for freaking granted." Ranmaru felt the guilt, agony and frustration at his own self clawing at his heart, but he kept going with a hard, resolute tone amidst a pained voice. "Out of everyone he's been around, from what I've seen, there is only one person who had never, not even _once_ , taken Reiji for granted, and had always treated him like the person that he deserved to be treated as. And you know who that is?"

Ranmaru looked directly into Kei and Hibiki's eyes, ignoring the loud palpitation of his quavering, burning heart that used to be undeniably and unreasonably indifferent and selfish.

"That person... is Natsuki, the boy you had beaten and tortured for the sake of your twisted, delusional revenge," Ranmaru affirmed, his voice softening a bit. "From the very start, Natsuki took Reiji seriously as a person and saw him for who he was, even being able to look through those smiles that hid away Reiji's true feelings. Even as the time went by, Natsuki never stopped looking out for Reiji and putting him first, always by his side regardless of anything, no matter how much pain either of them suffered. And he loved Reiji deeply and ended up teaching us what it meant to love like that, even if he does not realize it. And you... you two put him through ruthless torture for it. For revenge, self-satisfaction and whatever excuse you have yet to name... And that... that was the most freaking broken I've ever seen Reiji. He had cried for days straight, screaming and crying out in his sleep, blaming himself, whispering apologies for not being there to save Natsuki... and that live you just watched, that live with that song of tortured dedications... that was him bearing his heart out without the mask that he no longer had the strength to wear. Kei Otonami and Hibiki Katagiri... you two broke a selfless, tortured soul by taking away the one person who had never taken him for granted and had always loved him for who he was."

Ranmaru heaved out a painful exhale, a lump formed in his raw throat, his eyes averted away.

"If you can't feel even a drop of empathy towards that... you both aren't even worthy of bein' called human beings. Even 'animals' won't cut it. 'Cause as much as you may resent Reiji, you should know that no one, including him, is deserving of being put through what you burned him and Natsuki into. If you still don't get it, I... there's really nothing more for Camus and I to say. There really ain't."

Just as he contemplated leaving, Ranmaru heard a rough sob. It was not his. And it definitely was not from Camus. He turned his head around and found Kei staring down at the table, his head hung as sobs spilled from his gritted teeth and the tears poured down his cheeks. Beside Kei, Hibiki looked extremely shocked for a moment, but it only took a few mere moments for his face to crumble too as tears welled up inside his dark eyes and flowed down his cheeks, his lips weeping in guilt and shame. _If only it took less for them to open their eyes... then none of us would be here right now._

His heart still smouldering in its own flames, Ranmaru turned again to face Camus, who was silently observing the sobbing duo on the other side of the table, his ice-blue eyes narrowed but no longer cold.

_But at the very least... it's done... right?_

"Otonami, Katagiri, expect a visit from the prosecutor a few hours from now."

Camus' voice was calm and stern.

"And when it happens, be sure to thank Shinomiya and Kotobuki. It would never have been considered if they did not care what happened to you."

Without alluding even the slightest hint to Kei and Hibiki as to what he was talking about, Camus told Ranmaru that they were leaving and the latter agreed, the two of them heading away from the duo that remained seated there with eyes and lips betraying tears and sobs of emotions that they should have understood much too long ago. The only reason that Ranmaru and Camus had come to the station in the first place was Natsuki and Reiji. During a conversation about what was going to happen to Kei, Hibiki and Ozrock while the five of them were at the apartment and having tea, upon Camus mentioning that the prosecutor that he had hired would aim for the maximum penalty for all three perpetrators, Natsuki softly admitted that he was not sure that he wanted Kei and Hibiki to spend almost the rest of their lives in prison. That had shocked everyone, but Natsuki proceeded to explain even further, stating that he was also thinking of how Reiji felt.

 _I know... that they used to be your friends and that... you still care about them, Rei-chan-senpai_ , Natsuki had said quietly, facing Reiji whose grey eyes were filled with emotion. _So if it's possible and you want to help them a little... I'm okay with requesting that they get a less severe punishment for what they did. Something like this... can't be undone and I don't want you to end up suffering thinking about them, so... if it's what you want, I'll go along with it. Because you're much, much more important to me than what punishment they end up getting. So as long as you're happy with your decision..._ Natsuki had smiled gently, squeezing Reiji's hand tightly, _I'm happy too._

It had taken place not long after the four of them all revealed Reiji's solo song "Itoshiki Hito e" to Natsuki. Before the day they had revealed the existence of "Itoshiki Hito e", they had intentionally waited until Natsuki's mental and emotional state of mind had recovered enough, not wanting the revelation of the song to worsen the wounds that he was already suffering. So a few days after he had been discharged from the hospital, they all had sat in the living room, with Natsuki sitting between Reiji and Ai, and played the recording of the live performance on the television. And with precisely what kind of song, in all its broken darkness and anguish, it clearly was from the very beginning, Natsuki's green eyes had dilated in tremendous anguish as the first tears trickled down his cheeks. Ranmaru could never forget how Natsuki had stared into the screen while his hands grasped Reiji's tightly and trembled, the light in his eyes wavering with shards of pure grief as he whispered Reiji's name in a quiet, faltering voice. It had been five minutes of a representation of the living, shattering nightmare that Reiji had had to cry through without Natsuki being awake to hold him and cry with him, to smile at him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. And in that living room, Reiji had ended up breaking down as well, pulling Natsuki into an incredibly tight hug before the recording had even ended, the two of them joined by Ranmaru, Ai and Camus within mere moments, the cold atmosphere filled with tearful but earnest "I'm not leaving you"s, "I love you"s and "I'm sorry"s, words that Ranmaru used to almost never say or believe in.

Words... that had been more painful than ever... when Natsuki was not smiling with them.

"Mikaze, Shinomiya and Kotobuki are awaiting our return."

As they stood together on the sidewalk waiting for Camus' designated driver to pick them up, the platinum blond spoke, his ice-blue eyes remaining on the road.

"How about we purchase their and our favourite drinks from the cafe and treat them this once?"

"Count me in," Ranmaru answered immediately, grinning slightly. "Ya know, it's not a bad sight seein' ya take initiative for once."

Camus let out a quiet chuckle. "The same can be said for you, back in that stuffy visiting room."

"I was just statin' facts."

"We both know that you were doing much more than that. No need to be so modest."

Ranmaru glared slightly, catching onto the teasing tone in the last sentence. "Why you..."

But Camus merely chuckled again and Ranmaru sighed, knowing that he could not hold it against the blond. Instead of teasing or insulting Camus like he did on a daily basis, Ranmaru merely recalled what he had confessed to the two lowlifes back in that visiting room. There honestly had been times when Ranmaru wondered why Reiji bothered to keep looking out for him, Camus and Ai before that night they saved Natsuki on that sidewalk. The three of them had truly taken him for granted, done nothing to save him from himself, and it had all come crashing down that fateful night on top of the Ferris Wheel of ever-changing lights. However, Ranmaru could not keep chaining himself to the past that he could never change or undo, for it would not only hurt him, but the people whom he had grown to love and look out for. 

_But what I do know is that there is no more of anyone taking anyone for granted. No more of disregarding anyone's pain or treating anyone as a joke. No more of hiding pain behind smiles and laughs, locking all of the pain in a screaming heart until it all comes breaking through and apart, pushing anyone over the edge... no more of any of those freaking things. 'Cause the time that has been ruined by all of it... is over._

When the car came, Camus opened the door and for once, held it open for Ranmaru to enter first. Ranmaru let his lips slant into a genuine smile as he nodded and got in, completely down for spending the rest of the day chilling at the apartment with his four closest friends and comrades just the five of them, with nothing but their favourite drinks, a whole range of outrageous games to choose from, and one another.

_A lot's been said and done, but there's still so much more to say and do. And this time... we'll be doing so with and for one another, just like it should have been from the very start, with a sky that is burning and bright again, just like our souls._

Reiji Kotobuki

_Hmm, been awhile since I last saw you writing in this book._

Reiji quietly took ahold of the yellow notebook on the bedside table and smiled softly at his napping best friend.

_Let's see if you've written anything new in here._

Besides Fawnie and necessary belongings, the only other thing that Natsuki always brought with him wherever he went was his yellow notebook, which Reiji had not seen for quite a long time now. In fact, it had been more than week ever since Natsuki was released from the hospital and Reiji was only seeing the notebook again today. His heart warmed by the memory that Natsuki had given him complete permission to borrow the notebook anytime, Reiji slipped back under the viridian quilt beside Natsuki and gently carded his fingers through the latter's soft blond hair while his free right hand carefully opened the notebook. 

_You get all the rest you need, Nattsun._ Reiji smiled gently down at Natsuki's serene face. _You deserve it._

Exhausted from the cumulative idol work of the morning and his training, not long after lunch, while they were watching anime, Natsuki had ended up falling asleep inside their shared bedroom. In order to help Natsuki regain his physical strength, Ai had specially created a training regimen for him to follow, and when they saw what it comprised of, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus had all paled, remembering how notorious their teal-haired friend was for creating not only strict, but crazily terrifying schedules. However, they knew that the one person who had somehow survived all of Ai's schedules without a single complaint and while still being able to smile through it all was Natsuki, and the latter's condition gradually improved over the days and approached his normal, healthy state of being, even though that did not mean that Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus would request Ai to create a schedule for them if it were them. Vividly remembering how the normally-bold Ranmaru had widened his eyes in horror at the schedule that Ai had offered him for a gym routine more than a year ago, Reiji chuckled lightly, knowing that as terrifying as his schedules could be, Ai genuinely loved and cared for all of them. 

Flipping through the notebook while stroking Natsuki's hair, Reiji found a new entry and stopped at it, curious as to what Natsuki had written. When he read the words that had been neatly written in black ink and none other than Natsuki's signature handwriting, Reiji's eyes widened slightly, not at all expecting to see what he saw. But within less than a moment, his lips eased into a tender, loving smile quivering with tears and he turned to face the sleeping Natsuki again, his heart overflowing with nothing but love and sadness for the boy as he made up his mind and pulled the quilt over him a little more.

_You just keep getting more and more precious with each passing day, Nattsun..._

The smile lingering on his face and in his heart, Reiji pulled his cellphone out of his shorts' pocket and texted Ai, Ranmaru and Camus through personal chats to meet him in the living room in five minutes. Ranmaru immediately texted back asking what for, but Reiji merely answered with a winking emoji and a "Patience, my dear Ran-Ran". Chuckling under his breath, Reiji looked down at Natsuki again, taking the time to watch as he inhaled and exhaled peacefully, a sweet, serene smile adorning his lips, and felt his own heart melt at the adorable, precious sight. He stroked Natsuki's hair for a little while longer before slowly forcing himself to look away, knowing that Ranmaru, Ai and Camus would all be less than happy if he was even a second late to come at the time that he himself requested to meet up at, and peeled the quilt off him, the notebook in his hand, and walked towards the door.

_When you wake up, our dear Nattsun..._

Reiji glanced over his shoulder at Natsuki, whose smile softened as he squeezed his fawn plushie even tighter, and smiled sincerely, something that he would have hardly been capable of doing if not for him.

_We'll be right here, giving you another precious memory to remember._

Natsuki Shinomiya

When Natsuki slowly opened his eyes, the first thing he felt was a hand stroking his hair gently. At the tenderness of the gesture, Natsuki smiled faintly and could feel himself starting to doze off again, but another hand began tickling the back of his neck and he squeaked in pure surprise, the sleepiness immediately fading away like the wind. Warm voices rang inside his ears and he shifted and raised his head up, only to discover Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus smiling down at him, chuckling and laughing as they did. He reached up to take ahold of the hand that had tickled his neck and chuckled lightly when he saw that it was Ai. With a gentle smile, Ai intertwined their fingers together and helped him get up into sitting position, and Natsuki's eyes widened slightly when he saw what all his dearest friends were wearing.

"Did you guys go somewhere?" Natsuki asked, tilting his head to one side curiously.

"Good guess, but nope!" Reiji answered, patting Natsuki on the head with a wide smile. "But we all are going to, and that includes you! Once you're all dressed and ready to go, the five of us will all be spending the rest of the day outside; today's still bright and young, after all!"

Nodding, Natsuki beamed at his friends, pulling himself off the bed. "Alright, guys. I'll go change now-"

"Hold on for a bit, Nattsun."

Reiji took ahold of Natsuki's shoulder before he could go and choose his clothes from their shared closet. 

"Before that, there's something we'd all like to do with you."

Natsuki looked around in confusion, then directly at Reiji. "Okay, Rei-chan-senpai. What is i-"

His eyes widened with pure surprise when he felt Reiji pull him closer and envelop him in a warm and tight hug, the older brunet burying his face into his shoulder. Despite his initial shock, Natsuki was quick to recover and smiled earnestly as he hugged Reiji back, squeezing him tightly, his warmth as quiet as it was incredibly soothing. When they ended the hug, Reiji beamed brightly and Natsuki was returning the smile when he felt someone tap onto his shoulder. 

"Natsuki." 

At the sound of Ai's voice, Natsuki turned again and he stared in surprise when he found the younger mentor's arms spread to his sides, his teal eyes softer than usual. "Can you give me a hug?" Ai's voice was innocently gentle, and it melted Natsuki's heart in a near instant. Behind him, Reiji chuckled and gave him a light push, and Natsuki approached Ai and with a warm smile, did what he asked and hugged him gently. And it only brought more happiness swelling in his heart when he felt Ai encircle his arms around him in return, his fingers delicately sliding up and down his back in a slow, rhythmic motion, although he was extremely confused as to what was happening. After a few moments that felt too short, they slowly pulled away and Natsuki opened his mouth to speak.

"Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, why are you-"

"Now's not the time for words, kiddo. Not yet, at least."

Ranmaru had his hands pushed into the pockets of his black trousers and and jutted his chin in a gesture for Natsuki to come closer, his lips slanted into a wide grin.

"I ain't gonna stand still and let myself take it everyday and you know it, so give it to me straight right here, Natsuki."

"And after Kurosaki has had his turn," Camus proceeded, crossing his arms with a small smile, "I shall be next."

Chuckling lightly, Natsuki did not hesitate to approach Ranmaru and pull him into a bear hug, deeply treasuring this rare but sincere moment. Ranmaru wrapped his arms around him and tosuled the blond locks at the back of his head, his chest vibrating with deep laughs as Natsuki smiled brightly. Immediately afterwards, Natsuki squeezed Camus in his arms and the latter returned the hug with a firm, steady hold, his hands pressing Natsuki's back and quietly pushing him closer. Regardless whether he knew what was happening and why everyone wanted hugs so suddenly, it was extremely, extremely warm and wonderful to share hugs with the people dearest to him. When about a minute had passed, the hug ended and Natsuki turned to face all four of his friends, smiling softly at them.

"I love hugging you guys so, so much," Natsuki said quietly, his smile remaining soft, "but... why are all of you hugging me like this so suddenly?" He started to become worried. "Did something happen when I was asleep?"

"Reiji made a discovery while you were having your nap."

Ai smiled faintly.

"And the origin is your notebook, which has become more and more akin to a diary as time passes by."

Natsuki's eyes widened; even with the explanation, his heart only grew more confused. "Eto..."

"I got real curious as to whether you've written anything new since it's been awhile since I last saw it," Reiji explained, holding up the yellow notebook with a light smile curved on his lips. Adjusting his grey fedora on his head, he began flipping through the pages as he spoke. "So I looked through it and then I saw that you did. Nattsun..."

Reiji looked Natsuki deeply in the eye, his grey eyes softening with gentle emotions.

"If you ever need or want a hug, regardless what day it is..." his voice was nearly quiet, "you don't have to be scared to ask. We'll hold you for as long as you want, ya know."

A lump forming in his throat with the wavering of his heartbeat, Natsuki could hardly piece together the words that he wanted to say when Reiji stepped closer and took his hands into his, twining their fingers together before squeezing softly, his grey eyes glistening with tears that had yet to fall and true tenderness.

"To think that you hugging us when it's not returned could make you sad sometimes... that really got to us, especially thinking back to all those times most of your hugs were never returned by anyone. And to find out that thinking of our hugs were what gave you strength yet also brought you tears in that alleyway... it hurt us so much that you dealt with all of it alone and we... we nearly lost you while never realizing it. Those four hugs that we just gave you... represent our promise to you, Nattsun. No more being sad alone, no more keeping it all within yourself without saying a word about it to any of us, no more crying alone. Because love is not a one-way street and that includes feeling completely and utterly happy and loved. So every time you feel sad or lonely or anything..."

"You can always come to us," Ai stated softly, nodding. "We're deeply sorry... in regards to the past that we never noticed your true feelings. And before you tell us that there is no need to apologize, please understand that we truly do - all of us. But precisely as Reiji said, when there are times of vulnerability or weakness, never suppress it within yourself, even if for our sake. That broken tragedy that fell upon you in that alleyway on that January night... you have our word that it will never happen again."

"So today marks not only the first late outdoor session that we have had ever since that night, but also the end of a time of tragedies, needless suffering and torment that we all adamantly refuse to allow to come again," Camus articulated, his ice-blue eyes unfalteringly serious.

"'Cause we all look out and protect one another, and that includes you, Natsuki," Ranmaru finished, patting Natsuki on the back. "We're establishing a new balance, a new time, for the sake of every member of this quintet and not only as QUARTET NIGHT."

"For that..." Camus continued.

"Is the very heart of love," Ai stated.

Natsuki genuinely had not meant for today to come down to this, to the five of them standing in his and Reiji's shared bedroom like this, overwhelming the atmosphere with emotions of warmth, love, grief, sadness and guilt amongst countless thoughts and memories, invisible yet heartfelt colours dying their hearts. He truly had not thought of the possibility of Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru or Camus randomly opening his notebook one day and finding what he had written, which he now definitely remembered word by word now that he was awake. He had written it just earlier today, after memories of the torture in the alleyway flashed inside his head during breakfast. He had written about hugs and how his favourite ones were hugs that those that he hugged truly returned, as well as how sad and lonely his own heart secretly felt when his hugs were constantly not returned, although he never mentioned it out loud. But really... it was not their fault. It was not Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru's fault at all, and yet they had felt guilty upon reading it when he never meant for that at all. 

Shaking his head, Natsuki started to tell them that they should not be feeling guilty, but as soon as he said it, Camus stopped him by asking back what kind of family would they be if they did not. And neither Ai nor Reiji nor Ranmaru disagreed. But even so... just like the sight of them being in the hospital room when he first regained consciousness, just like during all those times that they got to share with one another, emotions tugged deeply at his heartstrings, refusing to let go or waver even a little, moving his heart that was embraced by his closest friends' warmth. Deciding that talking about guilt right now was no use, Natsuki relented in terms of that subject and smiled warmly as a few tears trickled down his cheeks, reminded all over again that he was truly home. Long gone was that night in the alleyway. Long gone was that torture and bleeding in the hands of Kei, Hibiki and Ozrock.

"Long gone... is me... b-being scared... that I can never hold you again... in this world."

Taking in the irreplaceable, tender sight of everyone smiling earnestly, Natsuki let himself cry as his smile grew softer yet brighter as the warmth in his heart spread deeply, never to be taken away by even that starless night.

"To that... I say goodbye. I love you guys... more than I can put into words. I love you so, so much... and that's why we'll walk together, now and forever, and with all my heart... I believe it."

Letting out quiet sobs, Reiji smiled earnestly and held Natsuki in his arms tightly, and Ai, Ranmaru and Camus joined them without a fleeting moment of hesitation, the five of them embraced by the dear fact that they would always have and love one another, that it would never change regardless what had happened, was happening or would happen. And that they all would continue to believe it as they walked together hand in hand, never to let go. Moments later, Natsuki chose his outfit to wear and it was completed by Reiji plopping a classy blue fedora on top of his head with a bright grin. That was when Natsuki remembered something and spoke.

"Oh yeah, Rei-chan-senpai, guys. About you saying that the yellow notebook is becoming more like my diary... you may be right, but it's not my actual diary."

Natsuki rubbed the back of his neck with a shy smile.

"I actually have a diary, except that it's already completely filled."

"Nattsun!" Reiji, after recovering from his shock, exclaimed while half-whining, grabbing and shaking him on the shoulders, while Camus, Ai and Ranmaru stared in different levels of surprise. "We're your besties and all this time you had a diary and we didn't know? Come on! Big bro Rei-chan wanted to know, you know! How on earth did I not see it when we were sleeping in the same bedroom?"

"It was already filled not long before you first took me in," Natsuki answered, chuckling at how adorable Reiji was being. "I didn't think of taking it out. I seldom reread what I had written. And I didn't think that having a diary was that important-"

"Yes, it is!" Ranmaru yelled.

"Natsuki, where is your diary?" Ai inquired curiously.

"Eto..." Natsuki walked towards his trolley bag, laid it down on the floor, and unzipped it. "I think it was in this one..." He carefully rummaged through his belongings and smiled when he found the little white notebook with a silver lock and a drawing of a rainbow and took it out. "Yeap, here it is." He zipped his bag up again and faced his friends, smiling faintly. "It's mostly about the days during the Master Course. There are sad times, happy times and um... some embarrassing ones, but it's just my memories and I-"

"Oh, that's everything, our dear Nattsun!" Reiji pointed out, draping an arm around Natsuki with a bright smile. Cheekiness gleamed in his grey eyes. "Say, are the stuff in there as personal as what you have written in your yellow notebook?"

"Yeap, more or less, Rei-chan-senpai."

"Does that mean that we get 100% access to its content as well?" Ai asked with a smile adorning his face, and Ranmaru and Camus smirked.

"G-Guys!"

All five of them laughed as Natsuki felt his own cheeks reddening, a shy smile on his face. But knowing that he could trust all of them, he told them that he would give them the password tomorrow, causing Reiji and Ranmaru to immediately protest. "Why not now?" Reiji exclaimed. Smiling gently, Natsuki answered that like he said before, there were sad times in that diary and he did not want the rest of the day to be filled with anymore sadness. But upon Ai and Camus "negotiating" that they would skip the sad parts for the day and Reiji and Ranmaru giving their word for it, Natsuki sighed with a light smile and unlocked the diary. Declaring that they were diving directly into those pages when they arrived at the destination, Reiji beamed and took ahold of Natsuki's hand, pulling him with him as the quintet left the apartment together.

"Oh and one more thing."

When they were in front of Reiji's green car, Ranmaru stopped and turned to Natsuki.

"Since it's a new start and all, we all think it is way past due time that you stopped calling Reiji, Camus and I with the honorific 'senpai'. 'Cause we ain't in the Master Course anymore, you are our band member too, and last but not least... 'senpai' makes the whole lot of us feel old, you know! The fact that you don't address Ai that way is not doin' any favours too!"

"You are old," Camus commented calmly.

"Shut up!"

"Both of you are."

"Ai!"

"I got really used to calling you guys with the 'senpai' at the end," Natsuki admitted with a shy smile, "but you're right. So I'll try starting now." He looked at Ranmaru and began. "Eto... Maru-chan?" 

Ranmaru grinned and gave him a thumbs-up sign. "That, I can live with." Natsuki looked at Camus and addressed him carefully.

"Myu-chan."

Camus sighed. "So now I have two peasants calling me by that nickname." But he smiled faintly. "Carry on." 

Natsuki turned to Reiji, who was giving him a hopeful smile, and his lips curved into a soft smile.

"And... Rei-Rei."

"Yeap, that's-" Reiji's eyes dilated and he stared at Natsuki in utter shock. "Wait. Did you just call me 'Rei-Rei'?"

Natsuki's eyes widened. Reiji had always told the people he cared about to call him "Rei-chan", just like he had told all the kouhais when they first met him at the start of the Master Course, but somehow the name that slipped out of his mouth was- "Oh, so sorry, Rei-chan-senpai! I didn't mean to! I'll try again n-"

"Nope, don't."

Natsuki's stuttering was cut off by Reiji placing his hands onto his shoulder, squeezing tightly, and the brunet's face illumined by a soft, earnest smile in his eyes and lips.

"Keep it. It makes me real happy to be on the receiving end of a special nickname, you know. So don't go changing that on me, okay, Nattsun?"

Natsuki chuckled, remembering how his heart had glowed with brightness when Reiji called him "Nattsun" for the first time. It made him feel happy and special, and he was glad that he could make Reiji feel the same way. So with a gentle smile, he softly repeated the new nickname and exchanging sincerely warm expressions, the five of them got into the car, more than ready and willing to create even more immeasurable precious memories together, with the colours of their hearts splashing and painting across the sky, the sea, and the land, their very own canvas.

Revving up the engine, Reiji turned and beamed at him, and Natsuki smiled warmly in return.

After all... just like how an artist was the painter of their own painting, they were the composers, lyricists and singers of their own melody that no one had been able to copy and would never be able to.

Ai Mikaze

_My favourite kind of hugs are the ones when everyone in the hug, whether it is two people or three or more than that, is hugging. When hugs are both given and returned, not just given. I know that I give them very often, every single day, because I love hugs and love giving them to the people whom I love so dearly. I never say a word to anyone about it, but when no one returns my hugs for a long, long time, when they keep never hugging back... I feel really sad and lonely at times. But that was mostly during the Master Course and I no longer feel that way now that I am no longer alone. Yet for some reason, like the blinding light in a broken dream, the memory of that cold feeling came ever since that night I was taken by Kei, Hibiki and Ozrock, the night I thought that I may have already lost my life and been no longer able to hold the dearest people to me again in this world. Because as I bled that night, I thought of how much I wanted to hug Rei-chan-senpai, Ai-chan, Maru-chan-senpai and Myu-chan-senpai and everyone else again. Even if it was not returned, it was okay. I just wanted to hug them and smile with them and thinking of the warm hugs that they had given me had consoled me through that broken pain... while also bringing tears to my heart. It was warm and yet hurt so, so much..._

_Words cannot express how grateful I am... that they, with all their heart, were willing to hug and hold me, no matter what._

Ai smiled faintly as he reread the words of the latest entry in Natsuki's notebook and the car continued to head closer and closer towards the river that would be illuminated by the moonlight in a matter of 3-4 hours, the river that was one of the places that had become deeply special to all of them. Reminiscing, sharing, loving... All of it was most beautiful when they did it together, with their hearts beating as one. The car ride was quiet, but it was not the eerie or painful kind of quiet. Everyone was relishing in the serenity that they shared, the serenity that they had not had for much too long, and the fact that everyone cherished it was all that Ai needed to know to smile.

_And because of them... I don't have to be afraid of being lonely._

_Neither do we, Natsuki_ , Ai thought, allowing himself to relax against the backrest between Ranmaru and Camus, who were much more peaceful than they were 99% of the time. Glancing towards the front where Natsuki and Reiji were chatting in soft voices, Ai smiled even more, softly and in earnest, deeply looking forward to the three of them having a small sleepover in the shared bedroom yet again.

_Sincerely, neither do we, and that is because of you too._

_"(Last LOVE) With you forever_

_(I believed LOVE) I will never let go_

_Hey... until I close my life"_

\- "Tears in love", by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kishow Taniyama)

_"This vow in our hearts of our eternal marriage_

_In this color-changing world, making our everlasting love_

_Resound with the carol of destiny_

_As it emits feelings like this"_

\- "Marriage", by QUARTET NIGHT (Showtaro Morikubo, Tatsuhisa Suzuki, Shouta Aoi, Tomoaki Maeno)


	51. Freedom of Duality

Ranmaru Kurosaki

"You _what_?"

Ranmaru gawked at Camus, his shoulders quivering violently.

"I must be goin' deaf, 'cause there is no _freaking_ way you just said that."

The entire living room had gone dead silent, with Natsuki, Ai and Reiji getting the hint to stay out of this as Ranmaru impatiently waited for the ever-so-irritatingly-calm Camus to explain himself through and through. It was the morning of last Christmas. Camus' Christmas present for Ranmaru had been the very last present to be revealed, and boy Ranmaru should have known that a storm was coming when Camus' face turned even more serious. As the fairy lights on the Christmas tree blinked like curious eyes, Ranmaru clutched the paperwork that Camus had given him, papers that had been officially signed by numerous significant scums who had had their share in betraying his father and destroying the Kurosaki conglomerate all those years ago. Meaning that...

Camus had settled the debt that Ranmaru had been carrying on his shoulders for years now.

That big, heavy debt was no more. So Ranmaru was free. _Free_.

But what... what in the living name of rock was Camus doing getting his pompous self into this m-

"As tone-deaf as you may be on nothing short of a daily basis, you heard me correctly the first time, Kurosaki."

Camus' answer was calm and even, not a single hint of hesitation within those succinct words.

"It took some time, but rest assured that you have no further need to sit through meetings with debt collectors any longer. For the insolent swines who had forced that monetary burden onto you and your family have paid the entire remainder of it, with a few methods of convincing necessary from my side, of course."

"What methods?" Ranmaru narrowed his eyes, although his gut told him he was not going to like it.

Camus scoffed. "Effective ones. I highly suggest that we leave it at that."

Even without the cold and grave tone of Camus' voice, Ranmaru knew that the methods that the Permafrost royal had used were anything but strife-free. Being royalty, Camus had an abundance of resources, including armed men and wealth alike. Being a knight serving the Silk Queen, he knew how to fight properly, be it offence or defence. Being as irritatingly intelligent as it was, he knew how to plan well, get into people's heads and lure them into intricate traps, as well as, of course, manipulating him to do what they wanted. And all of those facts did not create the most innocent and peaceful image of the possibilities in Ranmaru's head, so he followed his gut and decided not to push further. Even so, he was not dropping this just yet, for he had to ask...

"Why did you do it?"

Ranmaru uttered the words, his voice surprisingly calmer than he expected it to be with the emotions threatening to bubble over in his trembling heart.

"You had nothing to do with it or to gain from it. So be real honest with me and tell me why."

"First of all, allow me to point out that your statement that I have nothing to do with this particular affair is nothing but a erroneous fallacy."

"Huh?" Ranmaru blurted, staring at Camus like he was a madman.

"I am truthfully surprised that the issue with your debts never once had any violent overlaps within the vicinity of your work as a QUARTET NIGHT member or led to any crude visits from debt collectors at this very apartment," Camus stated frankly, and beside him, the most blunt member of the group, Ai, nodded in agreement. _So much for healing the burn, as much as I probably deserved that._ "Your debt was a looming threat to not only your safety, but the entire group's, and that, of course, involves me as much as it involves Kotobuki, Mikaze and Shinomiya. Not to mention, those debt collectors are much akin to brutes; the lowest of animals. Even if you keep paying the amount that both parties agreed upon on time, there is always a high chance of them increasing the required payment and decreasing the time limit given their greed and non-existent compassion. I do not need to elaborate on what could have occurred in that scenario, do I?"

Ranmaru bit back a retort and resorted to gritting his teeth, knowing that everyone knew that Camus was right. Reiji and Natsuki gave him worried looks as Camus scoffed and proceeded with the explanation that sounded so much more like a lecture from some self-employed teacher.

"Second of all, if you had been listening to my concise explanation, you should already have realized that I do indeed have benefits to gain from my doings."

"Safety, is it?" Ranmaru questioned. But what he did not expect was what Camus' response right after he nodded in confirmation.

"And not only mine. Actually, I am mainly referring to the rest of you."

"E-Ehh?" Reiji exclaimed as Natsuki's eyes widened and Ai stared in silence, clearly as confused as Ranmaru whose jaw dropped.

"With my connections and other resources," Camus continued, ignoring everyone's stares, "I have my own means of protecting myself should it come down to such horrendous scenarios like I had previously mentioned. However, can the same be said for the rest of you, especially those of you who have little to no experience in close combat?" Camus shifted his eyes over to Ranmaru. "The moment you, Kurosaki, had that outburst in the living room and confided in us about your struggles, I took it as permission to intervene, knowing precisely what I must do, and that itself was much past due time."

Camus took a few calm, poised steps forward and placed a hand on Ranmaru's shoulder, his ice-blue eyes never leaving Ranmaru's own. Ranmaru silently observed those eyes boring into his, naturally cold even without much context besides the fact that their owner was naturally frigid on the outside like winter was, never forgetting how much the two of them had clashed over the years. But this Christmas, in the apartment that they were all sharing, Camus had given him a way out of what would have taken years more to settle despite how arrogant he may act on a daily basis with that superior complex of his, and those eyes began to soften amidst the silence like snow melting near gentle flames. Just like his tone when he spoke again.

"After all, Kurosaki..."

His lips quirked upwards into a sincere smile.

"Does family truly need much of a reason to lend a hand to one another?"

Now, more than a month later, Ranmaru sat in the living room with a cup of coffee on the table and his red bass resting on his lap, his hands sifting through the composition sheets of what he was trying to make into a complete solo song. The due date for the solo songs had been extended by three months, which subsequently also lengthened the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project by that amount of time. One day before the due date, Ranmaru, Camus, Masato and Otoya had not finished working on their songs, and much to everyone's relief, Shining postponed the due date through a live announcement, requesting the public's understanding that the alleyway incident in which Natsuki was assaulted had gravely affected all of the Shining Stars and thus, warranted the extension of the time they had to finish their solo songs. However, at the same time, the project would be extended, so the fans could expect more live shows and other sub-projects during the adjusted time frame. And the fans had celebrated rather than whine or complain, which Ranmaru was grateful for. He was thankful to Shining too; as crazy as that old man was, at least he did prove from time to time that he looked out for them. 

But extra time was going to do no favours if Ranmaru did not make any progress. And if he had to be bluntly honest, he was actually rather humiliated that out of all eleven Shining Stars, he was one of the only four who had failed to finish writing their required solo song before the initial time limit. Although he knew that part of it was because of how much what had happened to Natsuki had affected him, Ranmaru could not help but be hard on himself; it was a low blow to his pride as a musician. And-

"That expression is not the most auspicious kind if you wish to accomplish something, let alone in terms of music."

 _And this freaking sugar cube_ , Ranmaru muttered crossly in his head as he thrusted the music sheets down onto his lap and swivelled around to glare at Camus who was calmly sipping his milk tea, _is as infuriating as ever with that smart mouth of his._ "And your point, you callous prick?"

"Hmph." Camus let out a quiet scoff, his eyes remaining closed. "All that the look that you are wearing amounts to is vexing frustration, and most of it is not even directed at me. Does it have to do with the fact that you have not made progress on your solo song whereas seven of your fellow Shining Stars have finished it before the prior due date?" He took another sip of his tea.

"Zip it, Camus!" Ranmaru spoke through. "You ain't done either, you know, or are you tellin' me that you forgot it with that pompous head of yours?"

"Insolent fool. Who do you think I am to abandon that significant fact?" Camus opened his eyes, his ice-blue eyes warning Ranmaru to not push further. "However, that is precisely my point. You are not the sole person who failed to meet the prior expectations. Moreover, if you bothered to keep track of the solo songs' progress, the only one who managed to complete his solo song during the near two weeks of Shinomiya being comatose was Kotobuki, and I do not have to elaborate further for your mind to comprehend my point now, do I?"

Ranmaru inwardly flinched at the memory of Reiji's "Itoshiki Hito e" debuting during that concert without Natsuki. It was a song more than fitting to represent Reiji's broken soul during that broken time, to put it as simply as painfully possible. It was a live performance that would haunt this quintet each time Reiji sang that song; there was no doubt about it. "Yeah, got your point there, sugar royal. Guess I gotta get it out of my system, huh?"

"Indeed." Camus grunted. "Internalizing it will only hinder you, after all."

"As much as I hate it when you talk at times, I have to say you're right."

"Of course." Camus smirked slightly. "Be sure to prove that you got the point through that song of yours, Kurosaki."

"Oh, I will, Camus." Ranmaru smirked back. 

_Does family truly need much of a reason to lend a hand to one another?_ was what Camus had asked Ranmaru with a sincere smile last Christmas, and it had also been his way of calling them all his family. And this was another one of those times when Camus truly proved that beneath that icy exterior of his, he genuinely meant it when he said those words. Holding his music sheets in front of his face as he skimmed through them again, Ranmaru hid a light grin, grateful to his friend and rival for setting him straight. And as he read, he was reminded that he was not starting at point zero. He knew what the song was about and what kind of song it was, he had come up with the melody and some of the lyrics, and it was definitely original, so in other words, just like Camus had backhandedly said, Ranmaru needed to stop degrading himself already. 

_Ai, Natsuki and Reiji gave their everything to their solo songs._

As dark and morbid as that time that they had all been forced to go through without Natsuki conscious was, Ranmaru had to admit that by some miracle, as twisted as it sounded without much context, it had given more inspiration to his solo song. And just like how all three of his band members who were done with their songs had expressed themselves so powerfully, he was more than determined to do the same at all costs.

_Camus and I had better not settle for doin' anything but that, for it's everything or nothing when it comes to being sincere about the heart. Same goes when it comes to bein' a family._

_Although..._

Thoughts throbbed through his head like a drumming heart, expanding and contracting dully, and he lowered his eyes for a brief moment, grateful that the music sheets kept his face hidden from his Permafrost flatmate who would have no problem calling him out.

_I still can't seem to really come wholly in terms with it. Being "free", I mean._

He laid his head back and closed his eyes.

_Why... is it still painfully... surreal?_

Camus

_To be imprisoned then freed._

_To bear a burden on your shoulders alone only for it to be lifted up, causing those very shoulders to slump down from the lack of weight that they have grown much too accustomed to. That is akin a bird that has been locked in a cage for its entire life only for the door to abruptly be unlocked and it to be told to soar to the light, to greater heights. Alike a star that has been hovering lifelessly in the sky and has found itself plummeting down through the night in flames. The transition from imprisonment to freedom is not as simple and fluent as one may ignorantly and obliviously assume to be._

_To be denied of something, only for it to suddenly be in your clutches after an interminable amount of time..._

Camus closed his eyes, vividly recalling the conflicted expressions on Ranmaru's face during the time he had just discovered that he had been freed of every last nickle of the debt that he had been carrying with him for years.

_It is a period of pain as much as it is one of relief, with both emotions being irrevocably inevitable._

With the bright fluorescent lamps and study lamp glowing white, Camus sat on the left side of his ice-blue linen-covered bed with his right leg folded over his left, reading a novel while contemplating the condition of his silver-haired rival and fellow flatmate. Ranmaru could now grasp freedom. He had been noticeably thrifty when it came to nearly everything, with exceptions including his bass and clothes, but now that there was no debt looming over him like a shadow, he had much more control in his spending and thus, his life as well. He had no more reason to restrict himself nearly as much as he had before, no more need to fear the endless pursuit from debt collectors or the danger that those vile scums brought upon his closest people. All of it had been settled without any complications to concern himself over.

_But he is still struggling to adjust to this significant shift in reality. Precisely like a man who has rain pouring down on him after he has been burning in flames, he can feel the burn marks lingering as the water washes over his soul._

Out of the corner of his eye, he observed as white vapour rose from the surface of his freshly-brewed butterfly pea milk in his ice-blue mug, free to soar higher into the atmosphere, only to fade away and disappear before it even touched the ceiling, and he sighed. 

_However, as much as he is a fool and currently hindering himself... I would be hypocritical if I were to say that the he was going through an avoidable, needless phase, especially when I myself have experienced this first-hand._

Soft knocking gently interrupted his thoughts and he called out, "Come in," allowing the door to creak open and reveal Ai, whom Camus recalled to have previously been watching an anime called "Clannad" with Reiji and Natsuki in the sole shared bedroom of the apartment. Ai asked if Camus was available to chat, and Camus immediately gestured for him to join him here. Camus let out a deep chuckle when he saw that the teal-haired boy had brought a plate of macaroons and a lilac mug of what he recognized as lavender milk tea, knowing immediately that this was guaranteed to be another protracted, deep conversation that he and Ai often shared with each other. Ai brought up the topic of winter in different countries and Camus was glad to accommodate the boy's curiosity by starting with his own home country as a example.

"In Permafrost, winter is eternal," Camus stated after sipping his mug of milk tea. "And it is a much colder winter than that of Japan, regardless of the year."

"So when you first moved to Japan, you had to undergo a period of transition in terms of the climate and temperature, right?" Ai inquired, shifting in his sitting position on the bed.

"That is correct, Mikaze."

"How much time did it take for you to adjust?"

Camus chuckled a few times; not just because of the question itself, but because of how strangely coincidental it was that he had just been pondering about shifts in reality and the struggles of adjusting and here Ai was asking a question that fitted perfectly among those very lines. During such conversations with Ai, Camus always ended up gaining something valuable, be it facts about the younger male himself or other people, knowledge about the world and society, or other matters that piqued his interest. This time, what he gained was not knowledge, but an indirect assurance that gently swept his concerns away like serene waves, for it reminded him that there was a concrete reason as to why Ranmaru was his main rival. Other than the fact that they disagreed with almost everything, they both were survivors of their own kind and would not allow anyone to hold them back as they fought and strove for the very best, for the ambitions that they aimed to fulfil. Even his rough, often-foolish aggressiveness displayed how much the rocker hated giving up, and that was one reason why Camus was absolutely sure that Ranmaru would not only survive this struggle between imprisonment and freedom, but also emerge out of it as a stronger and better person than he formerly was.

"A couple of months, at the very least, but every smidgen of time in that period is an opportunity. The opportunity to evolve."

Camus allowed a small smile to form on his lips as he delicately pinched a chocolate macaroon between his fingers.

"Changes involve struggle, but if your willpower allows it, you will emerge from it stronger than you were before."

_And with your sheer willpower, Kurosaki..._

Ai nodded with a slight smile and remarked that Camus was being more animated than usual, which was not the most common sight but not a bad one either. Camus merely chuckled and asked Ai what was the most significant shift in living conditions for him, and laughed when the teal-haired boy bluntly stated that it was going from living alone to living with Natsuki, Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru all in one apartment. And he shook his head in amusement when the blunt boy did not neglect to add, "Especially when the two scenarios are polar opposites to the extremities."

_You will eventually prevail and remind me once again how the flames were not only your pain, but your passion and drive and therefore, the proof of your very existence, as inimitable as it is._

Natsuki Shinomiya

_Natsuki, never stop believing in yourself._

Rereading the words on the unfolded paper, Natsuki closed his eyes as he heard Satsuki's voice saying those very words that he had written for Natsuki, as though he had been there to verbally speak them to him in the first place.

_Never lose that strength, not on me, not on them and especially not on yourself._

Natsuki felt his fingers curl around the paper a little tighter as his eyes fluttered open and a slight smile curved on his lips. It was Satsuki's second letter to Natsuki, the first being the one from last Christmas. The day before today, while they were relaxing in the apartment, Natsuki had asked Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus if they could help him check how Satsuki was doing. He had waited until his health had mostly recovered, knowing that if he switched personalities too soon, it would put a strain to his heart and already-injured body, and seeing that he was back to normal, he decided to ask, worried about how Satsuki was as the alter ego could feel what Natsuki felt. They had all agreed and allowed Natsuki to remove his glasses in order to bring Satsuki out. And after what felt like a blur of a moment, Natsuki returned to reality and was not only relieved and happy when his smiling friends assured him that Satsuki was at his best condition, but surprised when he found a letter from the alter ego and was told that Satsuki did not feel any form of physical pain from the assault.

_"He told us that your heart protected him, driven by your will to protect him as well as those whom you care about the most."_

Ai smiled sincerely, placing a hand onto Natsuki's shoulder.

_"He mentioned that your heart was a shield that took every iota of hurt so that he did not have to suffer too, and we all agree that that is precisely the essence of your heart's kindness. He also said for you to read the letter, stating that he had more to say than what he had personally told us. You are more than welcome to read it now if you want. After all, listening to what someone you love is priority, right?"_

_So keep going and blinding whatever darkness may come, Natsuki, as bright as you are._

Inside his head, Natsuki could imagine Satsuki speaking to him with a small smile on his face, standing strong for the both of them like he always had.

_You will never waver. I know it._

_Thank you... Sacchan..._ Natsuki whispered in his head, carefully folding the paper and slipping it into his drawer where the first letter, his notebook and diary, and his stationery were. _Your words give me strength and are another reason why I won't and can't waver._

His heart stumbled a little with nervousness, but he smiled as he adjusted the collar of his shirt.

_Even though we don't know what'll happen, Rei-Rei, Ai-chan, Myu-chan and Maru-chan are staying strong and confident and as their friend and ally... I must be sure to be strong and believe in myself too._

To be honest, when QUARTET NIGHT's newest, special outfits were delivered to the apartment before any of them even woke up this morning, Natsuki's eyes had widened in pure astonishment at the classiness, sophistication and power exuded by the new set of clothes for them. They were earnestly the fashion embodiment of what set apart QUARTET NIGHT from any other band: the confidence, bravery and earnestness in bearing their heart and soul, both black and white and all the grey in between, out in the open. Pulling himself up from the edge of his and Reiji's bed, Natsuki approached the closet door and peered at himself through the glass mirror behind the open door, doing one last check of his appearance. Everyone's outfits were similar for the most part - black suits that were neither too tight nor too loose, with matching suit jackets and black trousers, white-and-grey-striped collared dress shirts, ties and leather shoes. The main differences were displayed by their theme colours, the types of ties, and additional accessories, as well as the lengths and subtle cuttings of the jackets and the colours of their leather shoes.

Natsuki was wearing the previously-mentioned collared dress shirt and long trousers under a buttoned black suit jacket that reached just past his waist, as well as an elegant, thin yellow tie, and a pair of copper brown leather shoes. His hair had been neatly combed while the curls that overlapped with his eyes at times had been swept over to the right side of his head. Brushing a hand over the area of his shirt that covered his chest and peeked from between the sides of the jacket, Natsuki felt a pang of sadness stab his heart at the memory of the scar that laid at its very centre, the remnant of the wound that had nearly taken his life away, and he lowered his eyes.

_Today will be the first major assignment for the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project that we've had ever since I woke up from that coma. There have been live shows, interviews, photo shoots and filming, and other things that we have had to do that are related to the project, but Shining-sensei said that today's event will count as "Round 3.5" and that it will be really, really big, and as much as I know that I must remain strong..._

He let out an exhale and held the centre of his chest, where the scar was, a little tighter, his fingertips coming in contact with the trembling beating of his heart.

_It has my heart beating nervously. It'll be the first big event ever since waking up from my coma and... I don't want to let anyone down._

"Nattsun, I'm coming in."

"Yep!" Natsuki exclaimed, startled out of his thoughts. "Come in, Rei-Rei!"

The door creaked open and Reiji walked into the bedroom, adjusting the black fedora on his own head. When his eyes fell upon Natsuki, his lips spread into a bright beam. "I knew that outfit would look good on you! You look amazing, Nattsun. Big bro Rei-chan approves 200%!" 

Natsuki chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck with a shy smile. "Thank you, Rei-chan-sen- I mean, Rei-Rei!"

Reiji laughed. "Ah, the habits that pop out of nowhere and everywhere." They both laughed and that was when Reiji draped an arm over Natsuki's shoulders and smiled. "But Nattsun, you took longer than I thought you would getting ready. Is everything alright?"

Natsuki nodded with a light smile. "Yeap. Sorry I took longer; I reread the letter from Sacchan for a bit and did some thinking."

"Do they have anything to do with why your eyes look nervous and anxious?"

"E-Ehh...? You could tell how I felt?"

"Oh, Nattsun, we're best friends, ya know," Reiji said with a few chuckles, leading them towards their shared bed, tightening his arm around Natsuki. "I could tell the moment I came in to check on you. Not to mention, normally you'd be real quick to join us in the commonplace as soon as you were ready. Ai-Ai mentioned it back there."

They sat down on the edge of the bed together, and Reiji did not let go of Natsuki as their eyes remained looking directly into each other's.

"Is it because of what Shiny-san said? About this being our first major task ever since you woke up from your coma?" Reiji's voice was quieter, concerned like the emotion in his grey eyes.

Natsuki nodded silently. "Yeap, but it kinda started the moment we saw the outfits that had been tailor-made for us. When I saw them, I already knew that what we were going to do today was super, super important and big, and definitely the most major event we've had ever since I woke up. And the note from Shining-sensei proved that I was right."

Reiji nodded in understanding, his eyes and the way he squeezed Natsuki's shoulder silently encouraging the blond to keep going.

"I guess... I just got really worried," Natsuki admitted, his voice softening as he lowered his eyes, "that I might make mistakes or worse, mess everything up. These clothes, "he looked down at the sleeves of the grey-and-white-striped dress shirt peeking out of those of the suit jacket's, "remind me of how powerful QUARTET NIGHT is. Of how distinct we, as a five-man group, are from other bands from our aura to power and confidence and everything else, and how all of us have to give this everything we have and be strong no matter what. I reread Sacchan's letter and his words told me to keep going and to never lose my strength. That he knew that I would never waver."

Natsuki placed a hand over his chest where his scar remained, the throbbing of his heartbeat reaching his fingertips dully, painfully.

"I know I shouldn't be, but I'm afraid... that I'll let you guys down."

"You don't have to be afraid of something that won't happen, Nattsun."

Natsuki felt his own eyes widen as a hand placed itself over his on his chest, as warm as it was strong and reassuring. Squeezing tightly, Reiji held his gaze and smiled earnestly as his grey eyes remained soft with understanding.

"You don't have to be ashamed or anxious about being scared either. I know the pressure's real heavy on you and it's got you very worried, but you're much, much stronger than you think you are. Through all the times that we have gone through together, you've always pushed through for all our sake, even when tears fell and hearts broke. And that kindness is your strength, just like it's always been, just like it always will be. QUARTET NIGHT is not QUARTET NIGHT without you, Nattsun, and just like you have had our backs, we have yours too, and you need to remember that."

Reiji smiled warmly, placing his other hand on top of Natsuki's head and ruffling his blond hair fondly.

"Whatever Shiny-san's planned for today, the five of us are in it together! So don't worry and just be yourself, because as long as you are you, our kindest, dearest Nattsun, everything will flow just fine, alright?"

Natsuki exhaled with a soft smile, his heart welling up with emotions. "You don't just know how I feel really well."

He intertwined their fingers together and gave his best friend's hand a gentle squeeze.

"Your words are really warm and sincere, and they touch my heart." He smiled warmly. "Thank you, Rei-Rei."

"You're most welcome, Nattsun!" Reiji beamed as they got up and he tugged Natsuki with him by the hand. He winked. "After all, big bro Rei-chan loves his precious Nattsun! And he's super happy seein' Nattsun all soft and happy!" Natsuki chuckled as Reiji pulled the door open further and led them out of the bedroom. "We're all ready, guys! Has Shiny-san said anything new?"

"Nope," Ranmaru, who was sprawled across the length of his red sofa, drawled, his eyes closed. "The old man hasn't said a freaking word even though his special delivery unceremoniously forced us to wake up at 4 in the freaking morning. Amazing as usual."

"I was actually about to go and check on the both of you," Ai remarked, looking up from his mobile phone at Natsuki and Reiji. "You took more than 5 minutes inside. Is there any concerning matter?"

"I'm sorry I took so long," Natsuki apologized, smiling lightly. "I just ended up overthinking about a number of things, and Rei-Rei helped talking me through it."

"I see." Ai nodded with a small smile. "Considering how much happier and calmer you are, can I safely say that you have overcome your initial anxiety in regards to today's assignment and the adequacy of your performance? Because I can list numerous reasons on why the anxiety is unnecessary if your answer is 'no'."

Natsuki stared at Ai in pure astonishment. "Y-You knew too, Ai-chan?"

"Knew it from the get-go, kiddo," Ranmaru remarked, grinning as he opened his eyes and pulled himself up into sitting position. "Could practically sense the nerves radiating off of ya when we got that untimely delivery from the old man."

"I do not know what Kotobuki said to you," Camus spoke as he placed more sugar cubes into his cup of Earl Grey milk tea, "but if he has changed your outlook for the better, I suppose he is being more useful than usual."

"Hey!" Reiji exclaimed in protest. "What do you mean 'more useful than usual'?"

"Exactly what it sounds like, Reiji."

"Ran-Ran, you're such a meanie!"

"But Rei-Rei's being as kind and warm as he usually is, and it's one of the main things that give us strength everyday!"

"That signature, warm dialogue alone confirms that Natsuki has resolved his emotions' problem, and that is good to know. And Ranmaru, in terms of measuring 'usefulness', laying down horizontally on the sofa does not make you appear to be the most active person in the room. In fact, it would make you appear to be the laziest."

"The fact that you have the ability to sleep like a sloth everywhere and at anytime does not improve matters for you, you fool."

"Wha-" Ranmaru's jaw dropped as Reiji burst out laughing. But the rocker soon began to scowl. "Okay. I know that Natsuki wasn't trying to gang up on me, but now I feel real ganged up on _and_ insulted! Camus, you freaking sugar cube, I'm not surprised. But Ai, what in the name of rock?"

"You initiated this, you dandelion bed head."

"You wanna go, huh?"

"It's really nice to see everyone so happy in the morning!" Natsuki remarked with a bright smile as Ai shook his head and Reiji laughed. Reiji laughed even harder when Camus and Ranmaru snapped their heads towards Natsuki in sheer disbelief. Natsuki opened his mouth to speak, but suddenly the ringing of a mobile phone filled the vibrant atmosphere. "This is Rei-Rei's phone, right?"

"Yeap, you're right, Nattsun," Reiji answered, taking his mobile phone out of his black trousers' pocket. His eyes widened. "It's Shiny-san." He picked up the call. "Hello? ... oh, it's time, Shiny-san?" Natsuki's eyes widened as Ai, Camus and Ranmaru turned silent and Reiji nodded, the latter's grey eyes more serious now. "Yeap, we've all changed to those outfits and are all ready. So we just have to leave the apartment building and... Got it, Shiny-san! We'll head down now then! Talk to you later, Shiny-san!"

Once he ended the call, Reiji turned to Natsuki, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru and beamed.

"Our ride's waiting at the front of the building! Let's go, fellas!"

"The madness is about to begin," Ranmaru remarked with a heavy sigh, adjusting the cuff of his shirt as he, Ai and Camus stood up from their seats. "Good Lord. Don't come screaming at me if my sanity's all corroded by the time this is over."

"There will be no screaming when I can freeze you into silence with my sceptre," Camus remarked calmly as Reiji wrapped his arms around Natsuki and Ai and the five of them headed towards the door.

"Some royalty you are."

"I beg your pardon, peasant?"

"Is it possible to go 24 hours without the two of you bickering like this?" Ai sighed.

"Not with this pompous royal."

"Not with this meat-loving buffoon."

"At least they are being their normal selves," Ai remarked, rubbing the right side of his temple as Natsuki smiled awkwardly and Reiji laughed. He sighed with a slight smile. "I would be worried about today if they were not."

...

When they left the apartment building, however, all five of them could not help but stare in utter shock and disbelief. Natsuki could only widen his eyes in pure astonishment as Reiji and Ranmaru's jaws slackened.

Shining had not given them the details of their assignment, but this... was completely unexpected, to the point that even Camus and Ai were taken aback.

"... we all know how insane he goes when he throws parties, right?"

Ranmaru murmured under his breath, and let out a long exhale.

"Is this a nightmare? Of all things for the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project, the old man... is throwing the whole lot of us... into a _party bus_?"

Ranmaru Kurosaki

This had to be a joke.

No kidding.

This really, really had to be a freaking joke!

 _Oh, please let me have my sanity intact even after this is over_ , Ranmaru prayed desperately as a thrilled Reiji dragged him into the vehicle that was bound to cause chaos and craziness to erupt all at once, and he was very unsure that his mind and heart, with as explosive as he could be, could take it. _I can't lose it here of all freaking places. Please let me remain sane after this, God. Please!_

The party bus was enormous. It was coated with a lustrous jet-black with five gold-framed, dark-tinted windows each on its left and right sides, as well as shining crimson, viridian, yellow, ice-blue and lavender star imprints throughout the vehicle's black surface along with tints of silver and rose gold. Ranmaru found himself stepping up onto the party bus behind Reiji, who was pulling him by the arm, with Natsuki and Ai ahead of them and Camus right behind Ranmaru, and his eyes widened at the interiors. Shining may be nuts in the head, but just like demonstrated by the external appearance of the party bus, the inside sure proved that he not only knew about high-quality style, but also was very well aware of what fitted perfectly with what QUARTET NIGHT was all about. 

_This thing is freaking_ classy.

With a red-carpeted aisle in between, there were maroon plush sofas aligned against the lengths of the left and right walls and the very back of the party bus, with a number of small cabinets in between some of the seats and air conditioners close to touching the ceiling. The walls were a deep shade of clean mahogany while the ceiling was dark red with glowing white fluorescent lamps. There was a miniature dartboard hanging on the wall with black-framed profiles of QUARTET NIGHT as a five-man group as well as those of each of its five members. On the wall at the very back was hung a wide, flat-screen television and the table below it, which was designed to resemble a billiard table, had a folded piece of white paper and a remote. Reiji, Natsuki and Ai sat on the right side while Camus and Ranmaru sat on the left, the five of them still taking in the vehicle that they were riding in.

"This could turn out to be rather interesting," Camus mused.

"I know right, Myu-chan!" Reiji agreed with a bright smile, draping an arm over Natsuki's shoulders. "This is awesome! This is the first time all five of us get to be in a party bus together, and I'm sure it's going to be loads and loads of fun! I'm definitely not lettin' this slip out of my hands!"

"Gotta admit that as crazy as things are real likely to get," Ranmaru remarked, his lips slanting into a grin as he fell back against the backrest and crossed his arms behind his head, "this ride has class and is chantin' 'QUARTET NIGHT' all over. So I guess this ain't the worst as of now."

"Yeap!" Natsuki beamed as Reiji grinned. "This is going to be so much fun!"

"This note is telling us to switch the television on," Ai stated, looking down at the piece of paper that had been on the table. "Considering that the vehicle has yet to move, this may be our next instruction if we are to begin the assignment."

"And here comes the madness," Ranmaru mumbled, cursing as Camus took the remote and pressed the On button. "Good luck to-"

"Welcome, welcome, to the newest segment of the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project, my dearest QUARTET NIGHT!"

_What the-_

Ranmaru's eyes dilated as he stared at Shining Saotome, who was guffawing on the brightly-lit television screen, the senior's hands on his hips as a wide grin spread across his face and signalled for all kinds of doom to break loose.

_Is this prerecorded or live-_

"Glad to see all your radiant faces so early in the morning! Especially you, Mr Kurosaki; you look rearing to go!" _Live. Definitely live. Since he'd only make that ridiculous remark and be lookin' at me straight in the freaking face as he does if this were live._ "Then all five of you must already be on board this grand party bus specifically designed for this very occasion, for QUARTET NIGHT! For the entire morning and afternoon, with the cameras currently activated now that you have switched the television on, you will be filming the newest episodes for the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project by doing numerous big activities here on this party bus! That's right; for the next hours to come, until I say so, the five of you will remain in this party bus throughout the day! The party bus will stop for necessities such as lunch and toilet breaks, so fear not! You are all in good hands, after all!"

 _"Good hands", he says_ , Ranmaru mentally scoffed, narrowing his eyes as he noticed the small, round cameras positioned on the walls, with a few of them rotating as the time ticked by. _When our fate lies in the hands of a crazy old man, of course we are in-_ He froze. _Wait, did he just say that we are gonna be stuck in here for_ hours straight _? Like, from morning 'til noon or beyond? Save for those brief intermissions?_

Reiji chuckled awkwardly as Ai sighed and Natsuki, as blissfully innocent as he was, beamed with his eyes sparkling. Camus closed his eyes while Ranmaru facepalmed hard. Like, really, really hard. And allowed his hand to slide down his face.

 _Just what exactly has he thrown us all into?_ Ranmaru shouted in his head.

That was when the party bus began to move, rocking slightly as it went forward.

"Now that the party bus has started moving, let's get this party started!" Shining boomed, his grin brightening. 

Ranmaru mentally groaned, not at all in the mood to meet his doom as he took a bottle of water from the cabinet and took a gulp.

"Today we will start with a competition between the five of you!"

He nearly spat out his drink as Natsuki's eyes widened in sheer shock.

"What?" he managed to utter.

"Ho ho ho!" Shining guffawed, his eyes filled with humour. "Indeed, Mr Kurosaki! The STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project has had multiples of instances of the two groups competing against each other, and so for today's segment, in order to change it up and give the project more twists, the five of you QUARTET NIGHT boys will be divided into two groups - one group of 2 and one group of 3 - and you will face off in a myriad of singing duels in a game of Party Bus Karaoke: Idol Version! To determine the teams, we will spin a virtual wheel!"

Shining's screen was minimized and now taking up most of the television screen was the virtual wheel screen, where most of their names were scattered all over the segments of a casino-themed wheel. All of their names except for-

"Mr Camus, when you wish for the Wheel of Fate to stop spinning, say 'Stop' and whoever is on the segment that you stop at is your ally for this competition!"

"Very well," Camus spoke, his eyes serious, and upon his words of agreement, the wheel began to spin rapidly to the point that the colours and names were all blurred. Camus glanced at Ranmaru and the latter smirked at the competitive gaze in his rival's ice-blue eyes. _Looks like we have the same want. We wanna be competing against each other this time._ Camus smirked back and shifted his eyes back to the wheel, observing as the wheel continued to spin. Everyone watched in anticipation, with Ai's teal eyes serious as Reiji and Natsuki stared in silence.

After a moment, Camus suddenly ordered,

"Stop!"

The wheel immediately halted its spinning and the arrow on the top of the screen was pointing at a green-and-lavender segment. Shining guffawed.

"Ho ho ho! This means that Mr Camus, your team members will be Mr Kotobuki and Mr Mikaze! Leaving Mr Kurosaki and Mr Shinomiya to team up as your opponents! Now that fate has decided the groups, do sit according to the two groups that have just been created!"

"Get over here, Natsuki!" Ranmaru yelled out, grinning as Natsuki carefully pulled himself up from his seat, the latter placing a hand on the glass to balance himself on the moving platform. "We're gonna rock this out together, you and me!"

Natsuki smiled brightly as he took a seat next to Ranmaru. His lips slanting into a lopsided grin, Ranmaru held out a curled fist to his friend, fiery determination ignited inside his chest.

"Let's give 'em a real fight to remember! With the emotions and passion burning in our hearts, nothing can stop us!"

Nodding in agreement, Natsuki beamed as he bumped fists with Ranmaru, his green eyes illuminated with happiness and the exact same determination. They may be at a disadvantage due to the two of them being up against three people, but Ranmaru was extremely confident that he and Natsuki would be fine. After all, as much as the two of them were polar opposites...

Ranmaru grinned.

Both of them never backed down, no matter who their opponents were.

"Ah, this was very unexpected. Looks like the three of us are up against the powerhouse duo of Nattsun and Ran-Ran!"

Sitting between Ai and Camus, Reiji beamed and held up his right hand and the three of them shared a resolute high-five before he shifted his eyes over to Ranmaru and Natsuki, his smile widening.

"You know that big bro Rei-chan loves you lots and lots, but we sure ain't gonna go easy on you two!" Reiji declared, his smiling eyes lit up by equal competitiveness as that shown in the expressions of his two team members. Ai smiled and nodded as Camus folded his arms and smirked. He tilted his fedora and grinned. "Together, with our vocals and range, the three of us will be the ones to prevail in this fight!"

"Nice to hear ya determined and confident, but Natsuki and I are the ones who'll win this!" Ranmaru declared, propping an elbow over Natsuki's shoulder with a smirk. "We'll drive this competition over the edge and show you exactly what the two of us are capable of together!"

"Maru-chan and I are going to give this the very best we have!" Natsuki continued, his green eyes smiling brightly as his voice bubbled with excitement and determination. "Rei-Rei, Ai-chan, Myu-chan, we're looking forward to making this a competition to remember!"

"So are we," Ai responded, smiling as he nodded.

"Let the games begin," Camus spoke, his eyes calm and confident as he leaned back and crossed his arms.

"Yeap!"

"Splendid! The fact that all five of you are all up and blazing with determination is bound to make this contest a wild, fantastical ride to remember!"

Shining exclaimed, grinning at them from the screen.

"Now, let me explain the rules!"

Shining's screen was minimized again as the Rules screen appeared in its place.

"Duels will either be 1 VS 1, 2 VS 2, or 3 VS 2. There are different song wheels to be spun by one group each round, and these wheels, of course, have different features. The song selection includes every solo song, duet, sub-unit and group song that belongs to QUARTET NIGHT members, and this excludes collaborations with STARISH. The song selection, however, varies depending on the type of duel of the round. And by 'type of duel', I do not mean the number of participants in the duel, but something entirely different, so listen very carefully!

"'Standard' means that every song, regardless if it is a solo, duet or group song, that any QUARTET NIGHT member partakes in will be in the selection, no matter who spins the song wheel. This is by far the most normal type of duel on the list!"

 _Even though I can tell you ain't exaggerating_ , Ranmaru thought, mentally frowning, _you ain't exactly the first guy I think of who has the right to talk about normalcy. Not even close._

"Next up is 'Home Advantage' and this is where the flames start to crackle! 'Home Advantage' means that the chosen song is guaranteed to have been originally sung by at least one member of the team who gets to stop the song wheel but not be originally sung by any member of the opposing team! For example, Mr Mikaze's group is the one spinning the wheel. Songs such as 'Tsukiakari no Dearest', 'Aurora' and 'Dekiai Temptation' will be on the wheel as at least one member of that group participates in those songs and neither Mr Shinomiya nor Mr Kurosaki participates. On that note, given the exact same conditions, songs such as 'Promise to Sirius', 'Haru Hana' and any QUARTET NIGHT group songs will not be on that particular song wheel for the aforementioned reasons."

"Oh God..." Ranmaru muttered as Ai narrowed his eyes, contemplating the worse possibilities, such as being forced to sing any of Ai's ballads and being murdered by him for mutilating them. Or singing those sugar-rushing, happy-go-lucky Reiji songs while screaming on the inside. Or watching Camus make some attempt at singing Ranmaru's rock songs. "This might get real ugly..."

"Moving on, 'Solo' only has solo songs on it."

_Great. More chances of being stuck with trying not to mutilate ballads and such._

"'Duet' only has duets songs on it and 'Group' only has QUARTET NIGHT groups songs in the selection."

_Okay, that ain't the worst._

"However, there may be special restrictions in different rounds," Shining stated, and Ranmaru braced himself for the worst. "One could be that you do not get to choose which member of your group sings, although 'Home Advantage' conditions will be in place during 'Home Advantage' rounds. Another example, one that can apply in any round besides 'Home Advantage' and 'Group' rounds, is that the owners of the song are not allowed to partake in the round."

"This is also a game of strategy then," Ai remarked quietly.

"Also, no matter how the song goes, whether you are its original singer or not, feel free to ad-lib and even harmonize against your opponents during the duels!" Shining announced, and that detail in particular sparked the fire in Ranmaru's heart. That, more than anything, made this competition really heated up, for their rivalry would burn for sure. "It's not just a game of singing skills - no, no, no. This is a game of twists, turns and strategy as everyone has their ups and downs and has to choose the right moves while maybe not even getting the chance to plan as the game goes! All five of you are blazing and glowing stars, but we shall all see how you will fare in this showdown between band members!"

Shining spread his arms to his side and shouted.

"So I shall send you off to the first round then! All the very best and good luck! Use your freedom of choice wisely, everyone!"

Immediately, the screen went black, causing Shining to disappear. Looking over his shoulder through the window, Ranmaru noticed that the party bus had driven them out of the apartment complex and was riding steadily along the busy streets of the city, past multi-coloured buildings and white streetlamps and countless pedestrians. Ranmaru was opening his mouth to speak when the television flashed back to life and he turned, only to find the words 'ROUND I' standing in the middle in giant, golden block letters and a familiar tune starting to play.

_The instrumental version of our 'The dice are cast'... He chose that as the menu music, huh?_

The words then disappeared, only to be immediately replaced by new ones that made Ranmaru's eyes dilate in shock and disbelief.

"We're getting a 'Home Advantage' round already?" Ranmaru blurted out, staring at the screen. "And..."

He whipped his head around to face his and Natsuki's three opponents.

"You lot are the ones getting it first?" he exclaimed.

 _Home Advantage - Camus, Ai and Reiji._ That was what was written on the freaking television screen. So the grand opening of this competition consisted of Ranmaru's group getting a disadvantage right off the bat. Great. Just what they freaking needed to brighten the morning. Reiji laughed, Ai shrugged, and Camus smirked as Ranmaru facepalmed hard and the wheel began to spin. Natsuki patted Ranmaru's back with a light chuckle and assured him that they would be okay, to which the latter could only sigh heavily and mutter that although he was right, their level of luck was just freaking ridiculous and-

"Stop," Ai spoke clearly.

The wheel stopped and as soon as the song was revealed, the nature of the duel and the opponents were automatically chosen, causing Ranmaru's jaw to slacken. As interesting as Round I was definitely gonna be, this was going to be freaking nerve-wracking at the same freaking time. The song chosen was Reiji and Camus' "Killer Kiss" and it was a 1 VS 1 duel. The opponent had been determined to be Reiji while on Ranmaru's end, the person who needed to sing this round...

... was Natsuki.

Right off the bat, of all people, they pitted Reiji and Natsuki against each other in a duel. Of all choices, _them_? Well... this was gonna be anythin' but dull then. In fact...

Ranmaru turned to face the two best friends, his heart pulsating even louder in his own chest.

This was gonna be real intense.

"Looks like the first round's just you and me, Nattsun!"

Reiji beamed brightly at Natsuki, his grey eyes shimmering as he held out his hand to his younger best friend.

"Let's show 'em what we've got! Regardless who wins, as long as we give this our very best, it'll be a starting round to remember! We're gonna light this show with colours and passion burstin' from our hearts, ain't that right, dear Nattsun?"

"Yeap, Rei-Rei!"

His emerald eyes glowing, Natsuki beamed back and took ahold of Reiji's hand, his voice radiant with pure brightness.

"This may be a duel, but I'm so, so happy I get to sing with you! Because we'll be singing from the deepest parts of our hearts, I know that we'll all be smiling inside until the very end! All the very best, Rei-Rei!"

"Right back at ya, Nattsun!"

Their smiles unwavering, Natsuki and Reiji squeezed each other's hands tightly before letting go, and Ai and Camus smiled as Ranmaru grinned. 

"Ho ho ho! It appears that the first two opponents are burstin' with life and passion already! True friendship, mutual rivalry, blazing passion and emotions... Those are exactly what I'm looking forward to see from you five in this duel!"

Shining's voice suddenly boomed again. Even though the Shining Agency head did not appear on the screen again, Ranmaru could definitely hear the wide grin in his voice, and he mentally facepalmed at that very fact.

"But before this duel officially begins, grab your microphones from the bottom compartment on Mr Kurosaki's right!"

Ranmaru immediately reached out and pulled the aforementioned compartment open, revealing the five microphones inside, all of which were each tied by a ribbon of the respective members' theme colours each. Ranmaru passed all the microphones to their respective owners, although he decided to have a little fun by teasingly holding up Reiji's microphone and challenging the eldest but shortest member of the group to try and get it himself. And Ai and Camus' teasing jabs at the brunet's height and Natsuki's innocent offer to lift him up to help again made Reiji exclaim and whine in protest and Ranmaru burst out laughing even more.

"Ai-chan, is it too late for Rei-Rei to grow taller?" Natsuki asked curiously.

"According to research, most males stop growing taller by the time they reach the age of 16 years," Ai answered as Camus snorted. His teal eyes glimmered with amusement. "In other words, Reiji is more than a decade past his last opportunity to gain more inches for his physical height."

"So our leader, who happens to also be the oldest, will forever be the shortest," Ranmaru finished, grinning mischievously. "Wouldn't wanna be him in this scenario."

"Nattsun, why did you ask that question?" Reiji whined, pouting as Natsuki smiled awkwardly. "Now my age has been brought up too! Ran-Ran, Ai-Ai and Myu-chan, you guys are all meanies! Nattsun's innocent, but don't make use of that question to point out my age _and_ height!"

"Sorry, Rei-Rei!" Natsuki laughed.

"Nah, don't apologize for that, Natsuki." Ranmaru guffawed and ruffled his teammate's blond hair. "Nature brought that luck upon him, not you, so all's well on your side, kiddo."

"Ran-Ran! You'd better not be teachin' our precious Nattsun the wrong- Wahh!"

The party bus suddenly tilted to the left, causing Reiji, who had been balancing himself on the aisle, to topple forward and crash face-first onto Ranmaru, who yelled in reflex. "Get off me, you dunce! One shift in angle and you would have kissed me on the face, you know!" 

"My bad, Ran-Ran!" Reiji laughed as he got up and Ranmaru shoved the microphone with the viridian ribbon into his hand. Suddenly, his expression, however, turned cheeky. "But if that happened, although unintentionally, it would have been a 'Killer Kiss', wouldn't ya say?"

"Reiji," Ranmaru threatened, his face reddening as he glared at the winking brunet and Camus smirked smugly, "I swear if you keep runnin' your mouth like that, I'll-"

"Now that you all have your microphones, while creating more entertaining footage for the fans in the process of giving them..."

Shining interrupted them with his loud guffaws before the chaos could become even more catastrophic - although that was a regular classic in terms of this crazy quintet - and Ranmaru turned and found that the screen had changed to one that displayed Reiji and Natsuki's profile photos with the word "VS" separating them along with a horizontal white line etched against the black background with diminutive, glowing coloured stars. The title of the chosen song, "Killer Kiss", was glowing with a white aura below the word "VS" that was now lit in orange flames. 

"Are you ready to commence the first battle, Mr Kotobuki Reiji and Mr Shinomiya Natsuki?"

"Yep, Shining-sensei!"

"You betcha, Shiny-san!"

Natsuki and Reiji both answered Shining at the same time and turned, exchanging sincere, determined smiles with each other. Watching with his arms folded, Ranmaru smirked, the flames combusting and blazing in the room much more intense than before, and he knew that no one would have it any other way.

_It's on._

"Wonderful!" Shining's voice was beaming widely. "So to both teams, the key here is the element of skill and surprise! Play your cards well and catch your opponents off-guard and you will gain the upper hand regardless who has the advantage! Now that all's been said, all the very best and in the count of 10... begin!"

"As we already know, you're up against Reiji, who's a literal master at ad-libbing _and_ has the home advantage this round as it's his song."

Ranmaru patted Natsuki on the shoulder, giving the younger boy a light grin.

"But don't let that get in your head and give that guy a tough fight! If anyone can pull that off the very first time, it's you, Natsuki!"

"Thank you, Maru-chan."

Natsuki nodded, smiling gently at Ranmaru.

"I'll give this my all and make you proud, Maru-chan!"

"I know ya will, kiddo."

_"Use your freedom of choice wisely, everyone!"_

_The freedom of choice, huh?_

As Ranmaru gave Natsuki one last pat on the back and watched as the number on the screen dwindled down, he thought back to Shining's words about the game that they were playing and began to notice how related it was to the thoughts and emotions that had been burning in his head and heart all this time. This was a game where choices could lead to either victory or defeat, where there were both freedom and limitations, where friendship and rivalry were both brought out bare into the open. And throughout most of his life, Ranmaru had struggled in between the blurred lines of freedom and constraints, chained amidst the twisted duality of time. By clearing all of his debt issues, although without explicit permission, Camus had granted him a way out of that immense debt and lifted that weight off his shoulders, and Ranmaru, admittedly had been struggling with the transition from carrying that burden to being freed of it, even until now.

"3..."

_Maybe... this game ain't just gonna be about friends and rivals._

As an unknown voice began counting off the last three seconds before the duel began, Ranmaru allowed his lips to slant into a lopsided grin, his heart filled with anticipation and burning vigor despite the questions whirling around his mind like a thunderstorm.

_Maybe this was exactly what I needed all along._

"2..."

_Let's see how you two do. And Natsuki..._

"1."

_Show us your fire!_

"Start!"

Camus

_"KILLER KILLER KISS"_

Both Reiji and Natsuki started singing with impeccable timing, in sync with each other and the dramatic instrumentals.

_"KILLER KILLER KISS"_

_It has begun._

Stroking his chin, Camus carefully observed as Reiji tapped his right foot against the aisle to the fast-paced beat of the song while Natsuki smiled faintly and looked down at his microphone, both males' eyes smiling but serious. Quite frankly, these two particular individuals were two of the most unpredictable people that Camus had ever known. Reiji was a gifted veteran in the art of ad-libs and catching even the most stoic and intelligent of individuals by utmost surprise, but it did not guarantee a victory, even with him having the song advantage. Natsuki may not have as many years of experience, but he himself was a talented and bright individual, and not to mention, a prodigy, and was someone who had surprised them numerous of times. Therefore, as much as Camus was, of course, hoping for his teammate Reiji to emerge victorious, he was keen to know how this duel would play out, knowing that Natsuki was not to be undermined.

_By default, while Kotobuki is to sing his own parts, Shinomiya will sing my parts of the duet, with both of them able to intervene in each other's verses or catch each other off-guard with other means at any given moment._

Camus inwardly smirked.

_Who will deal the first card?_

_"Shadow and light, and then the bottom and surface are changing"_

Reiji sang his first solo line flawlessly, his grey eyes locked with Natsuki's as his deep voice resonated with the music.

_"A two-faced dualism, the more violent the intersection is,"_

_"The better"_ , Reiji and Natsuki harmonized.

_"Moon and Sun, and then dream and reality are crossing"_

Natsuki was the next to sing his solo part, his voice matching the timing and rhythm of the song seamlessly despite him not being the original singer, and Camus silently noted that neither male had attempted to take the other by surprise just yet. A slight smile lingered on his lips as Natsuki returned Reiji's gaze with equal seriousness and strength glowing in his green eyes.

Even so, Camus felt that a move would be made very soon.

_"Welcome to a hazy world"_

_"I shall..."_

Reiji joined in there, and their voices merged into one again.

_"... make you feel it"_

_"KILLER KILLER KISS"_

Almost immediately, Camus' eyes widened in mild shock as Ai and Reiji's did the same. Unexpectedly, the first move had been made, but not by Reiji. While Reiji was singing his solo part in the refrain building up to the first chorus, a soft but low and distinct humming that was not in the original song but intertwined with the melody perfectly suddenly emerged, silently intensifying the enigma and suspense of the moment like a dream's haze. _This is precisely why our opponent is not to be underestimated._ A small smirk forming on his lips, Camus turned and found that the seriousness in Natsuki's eyes had intensified as well, as unfazed as it was determined and still careful. 

_Shinomiya had already planned his first move and waited without hinting at anything. Because it was as sudden as it was, Kotobuki did not have the chance to return the favour through imitation even if he wanted to._

_"Sadness and"_

_And that humming built up the emotions in his voice..._

_"KILLER KILLER KISS"_

_... that he needed in order to darken and deepen the mood of this refrain and simultaneously force Kotobuki to adapt to the changes that had been set into motion until the latter makes a move to regain control_ , Camus contemplated, noticing how Reiji ended up singing with a different intonation than in their original recording of the song so that he did not break the atmosphere. 

_"Delight"_

Reiji smiled knowingly at Natsuki, who smiled back, and both of them proceeded to sing again. While Natsuki had caught Reiji off-guard, the older brunet had remained undeterred and his rhythm did not falter, so both of them still remained in the game. Camus observed as Reiji intervened during Natsuki's solo part by harmonizing against the blond, and how the younger boy, although surprised, did not allow it to hinder him as he smiled faintly. 

_Duality and irony..._

Natsuki sang with raw emotions, refusing to allow himself to be overshadowed, and returned the favour by singing to what was supposed to be Reiji's solo, causing the latter to grin.

_What fitting themes for the song that this game began with, especially when every individual here is associated with both in real life._

Granted, the conspicuous icon of duality in QUARTET NIGHT as well as the Shining Stars, with his normal side and butler act, was Camus himself. However, it would be jarringly inaccurate to say that he was the only person in the entirety of this quintet, let alone the Shining Stars, to have more than one side to himself or struggle amidst accepting or overcoming duality. After all, at this very moment, Ranmaru had been struggling to overcome duality, as well as irony, himself.

_For nearly the entire time that you have known me, from the very beginning, the character trait that you despised the most about me was my manipulation of my own dual sides - the colder but normal side that I revealed mainly out of the public eye, and the more courteous, butler side that I display in front of an audience. However, thanks to the likes of you, as well as Mikaze, Kotobuki and Shinomiya, the line between both has blurred, and I now fathom that both, even the butler side, do hold sincerity. Both have truth in them now; that is what you made me realize._

_And the line of duality in your life has blurred now._

As Ranmaru grinned and patted Natsuki on the back, he turned and his eyes met Camus'. Camus smirked, silently taking note of the fiery passion ignited in his opponent's heterochromatic eyes like the flames that were his self-owned element, sensing that defeating him in this game would be anything but easy and knowing that the both of them did not wish for it to be any different. 

_Like the lyrics of Kotobuki's and my duet said, "welcome to a hazy world"._

Ranmaru shot him a challenging smirk in return, the fire in his eyes intensifying brightly, and Camus deeply knew that he so looked forward to how this party bus ride would progress, with shades of duality, individuality and sentimentality blurring together in a haze of colours and emotions, thickening with each syllable uttered, with each move made, with each truth unravelled. Natsuki and Reiji had begun this game with a duel of unrestrained clashing of passion and tactics and Camus, Ai and Ranmaru would inevitably and undoubtedly follow suit with this first step, and perhaps...

_Perhaps amidst the hazes and blurs..._

Reiji and Natsuki held their microphones out to each other at the same time, encouraging each other with the glowing smiles reflected in their eyes amidst their clash, and with a heated competition in their hands, the party bus continued to journey along the open road as Ai and Camus smiled and Ranmaru grinned.

_This is your prime opportunity to shatter your constraints... and affirm your meaning of the word "freedom", with all that you burn with in order to live._

_"Moon and Sun, and then dream and reality are crossing_

_Welcome to a hazy world_

_I shall make you feel it"_

\- "Killer Kiss", by Reiji Kotobuki (Showtaro Morikubo) and Camus (Tomoaki Maeno)


	52. Be Proud

Ranmaru Kurosaki

_There is no one but myself... to trust..._

His head hanging down limply, Ranmaru's eyes remained closed as blood oozed from his swollen lips.

_No one else... to believe in..._

It was about a month before he became a member of QUARTET NIGHT and got into Shining Agency. Under a cold, bleak night where the crescent moon barely shone past the fog blown by the wind, Ranmaru was sitting on the soil at the back of a deserted live house, slumped against the wall, his body throbbing with multiples of bruises and his heart aching with yet another abandonment. His right hand gripping his knee, he gritted his teeth as the blood dribbled down his chin, anger and resentment burning amidst the wounds of his tattered soul. Again, someone in the band just _had_ to be manipulated by some girl that he fell smitten with. The girl somehow convinced the band's drummer to leave and so tonight, when they were supposed to perform, that unapologetic scum just walked up to them backstage and said that he quit. Then there was a fight - a big one, for that matter - and Ranmaru had been the most vocal, shouting that this was ridiculous and selfish, and that scum got his new girlfriend to call their friends and they dragged Ranmaru to the back and beat him to a pulp. 

_"Wannabe."_

Shoved. Punched. Kicked. Mocked.

_"Loser."_

Laughed at. Spat at. Scorned at.

_"Kid with the dead, useless father."_

Oh and they had grabbed his bass and dumped it next to him after swinging it to his face. And no band member had bothered to run after him or intervene for his sake. And those scums, with that drummer and his girlfriend, had left him and his bass there like a stray pet that had been starved and overworked only to be locked out. This was not the first time that a band that he was in had been broken up for selfish and absurd reasons. This was not the first time that he had been betrayed and left in the dust. This was not the first time that he had been cornered, assaulted, beaten up, left bleeding alone. This was not the first time that he was alone - all alone.

_But no matter how many times all's been said and done..._

He spat out blood.

_It leaves me all empty inside. Freaking, freaking empty and hurt and betrayed..._

Tears of frustration prickled in his eyes and threatened to fall, but he clenched his teeth even harder, refusing to let his own eyes betray him too.

 _And_ useless _. Real useless._

He leaned back against the wall and raised his head up to stare up at the sky, his chest rising and falling unsteadily, his heart and mind clouded with thoughts and memories that could only fuel the blame and resentment that were piling up like shreds of fallen leaves and bits of ashes, all of which were doomed and destined to be left burning in flames. A lone wolf. That was what he was. A wolf that would join a pack and allow itself to settle in, to even give its trust to its members, only to be left crippled in the dust as conduct was broken and loyalty was sold away. A wolf that gave its all to hunting for and with the entire pack, only to end up being not only shot by the hunter, but tripped by its pack members who cared for only their own happiness. A wolf that stood in the moonlight, its scars and wounds all unveiled and illumined coldly, and howled a melody that no one would hear, let alone understand. 

That was the lone wolf.

He let out a deep, long exhale, his white breath disappearing into the lonely cold.

That was... Ranmaru Kurosaki.

_Seriously, now... what is togetherness? Or love? Or friendship? 'Cause I don't remember the last time any of them's been truly real to me._

His heart felt hollow, beating without life, a fire without heat, a song without a melody. Just like how that moon, although glowing brightly, shed no light onto his broken soul.

_And what... what is kindness? What is kindness... when I feel so worthless?_

Now in present time, however, Ranmaru was inhaling and exhaling heavily, but not because he had been assaulted or beaten up. Not because there were bruises or wounds, whether physical or emotional, throbbing in his body or soul. Not because he was slumped against the wall all over again for the umpteenth time in his life after being pursued by some debt collector or left behind by scums or morons that his heart had once looked out for. But because in this moving and rocking party bus, he and Natsuki had just finished singing Reiji's "Kisu wa Wink de" in a Solo Round duel against Camus and Ai. This particular round had pushed Ranmaru, Ai and Camus out of their comfort zones as none of their typical song genres overlapped with this song, which was extremely hyper, quick-paced and sizzling and bubbling with cheerfulness and vigour, with Natsuki undoubtedly having the upper hand. Releasing a loud exhale, Ranmaru lightly glared at Reiji, who had been grinning from ear to ear throughout the entire duel that revolved around his solo song, knowing that that cheeky brunet was well aware of how three out of four of them struggled blatantly much more so than the other rounds combined.

_If I get to pick a song for this guy next round, I'm gonna freaking enjoy every second of him trying not to mutilate Natsuki's 'Promise to Sirius' or Ai's 'Winter Blossom'. Maybe for the sake of more effective revenge, I'll give him Ai's song; Natsuki's too nice to wanna kill him if he messes up._

Laughing, Reiji wrapped his arms around both Ai and Camus tightly, with the latter trying to get away from him, and Natsuki beamed brightly.

 _Or to get the ice prick to lose his cool, I'll make Reiji sing "Aurora"_ , Ranmaru inwardly smirked as he chugged down water from his plastic bottle. _And I'd kill two birds with a single stone. That'd be the freaking riot I need._

"Never again, Kotobuki."

"Wha- Why?" Reiji exclaimed, pouting at Camus who crossed his arms and closed his eyes. "Don't make big bro Rei-chan sad! He was so happy and proud to hear his four beloved friends all singing his solo song! I couldn't even tell which of you was winning 'cause I got so lost into you guys' performance!"

"This was clearly the most catastrophic duel amidst all of the duels that we have had so far," Ai stated, shaking his head. "I am 100% certain that this severely deviated from my optimum level of performance, for it is the extreme opposite of the songs that I am accustomed to singing. The most unaffected in terms of optimum performance was easily Natsuki due to his versatility overlapping with this song's genre." He looked at Natsuki and Ranmaru and smiled faintly. "Although the scores are not displayed, I am sure that Natsuki and Ranmaru are the victors of this round."

"But Ai-chan and Myu-chan did super well too! And just like all the previous rounds, this one was so, so fun!" Natsuki remarked, his eyes sparkling as Ranmaru slung an arm around him and grinned. His smile brightened. "Guys, if we all get to choose any song for all five of us to sing next, how about we sing a ballad together?"

"My vote goes to 'Aurora'," Ranmaru immediately said, smirking as Camus gave him an icy glare. "What? I'm literally offerin' ya a Home Advantage Round. Or would you rather go through singing another rock song, sugar addict?"

"Kurosaki, if you dare cross to this junction-"

"'Aurora' would be amazing!" Reiji exclaimed with a bright grin, causing his platinum-blond teammate to glare at him as well. He rubbed the back of his head and chuckled. "But if Myu-chan does not want that, we can always go for one of Ai-Ai or Nattsun's ballads!"

"Please refrain from selecting one of my ballads," Ai stated, his teal eyes narrowed. "I vividly recall you and Ranmaru doing a less-than-acceptable job in performing 'A.I.' earlier, and I would not like a repeat, let alone a more-unacceptable performance, today."

"Hey!" Ranmaru protested as Reiji's eyes widened. "I only made a few mistakes in that duel! And it ain't my fault that the mood was broken given how awkward it was in the first place!"

"A few mistakes is far too many mistakes to be tolerated," Ai countered bluntly. "And in regards to the atmosphere being ruined, both you and Reiji are equally responsible."

"No, that's all on Reiji!"

"Ran-Ran!"

"I think that Sacchan would be happy if we sang the ballad version of 'Orion de Shout Out' together," Natsuki commented, smiling gently, and Ranmaru immediately choked on his water, coughing violently. His green eyes widened in concern. "Maru-chan, are you okay?"

"Y-Yeah, Natsuki," Ranmaru answered after coughing a few more times, nodding hastily. "But let's not do that. I doubt Satsuki's gonna wanna hear anyone besides you singing that song in particular."

_If the cameras weren't on, I'd be sayin' that that alter ego of yours will hunt down the whole lot of us, but ya get the point, right?_

"Ohh okay." Natsuki nodded, smiling in understanding, and Ranmaru, along with Reiji, Ai and Camus, sighed with relief as he patted his close friend on the back with a lopsided smile.

_Thank God._

That was when the screen suddenly lit up and changed colours and texts, causing Ranmaru and everyone else to turn to see if the new duel would begin or the final scores would finally be revealed. However, instead of doing either, the screen divulged the remainder of the morning activities. While remaining on board the party bus, the five of them were to take out their mobile phones and log onto the party bus site for a variety of games that would be shown on the television screen, ranging from board games, card games and other games of chance and strategy to trivia games and others, for they were filming the first mobile game segment of QUARTET NIGHT's party bus ride. Most of the games would be in the "everyone-for-themselves" format meaning there would be no teams - which Ranmaru definitely liked if it meant that he could fight head-on against Camus - but the opening game was a trivia game that required them to be divided into two groups through a game of rock-paper-scissors. 

Placing one hand each in the middle, all five of them played rock-paper-scissors, knowing that they had to do it until they were properly divided into a team of 2 and a team of 3. After a few rounds of each of the three options being chosen by at least one person or one option being chosen by too many people, they finally determined the teams and-

"I am completely aware that the two of you would much rather be in opposing teams..."

Ai faced both Ranmaru and Camus with a blank expression.

"But please do not allow your personal wishes and rivalry to affect this team."

"Well, it'd be real embarrassing if we lost 'cause of that, so yeah, we don't have much of a choice but to get it together," Ranmaru admitted with an exasperated groan as he got up to switch seats with Reiji, who glomped Natsuki into a big, happy hug. He plopped down beside Ai and faced his two new teammates. "Ai, I'm countin' on ya. And Camus, after this, I'm gonna clobber ya in the battle royale games."

"Hmph." Camus scoffed as he crossed his arms and narrowed his ice-blue eyes. "How overconfident of you to believe that you will defeat me with such ease." His lips soon curled into a sly smirk. "But very well. You, Mikaze and I will cooperate by the necessary means in order to defeat Shinomiya and Kotobuki and once this is over, I will, with utmost pleasure, eradicate you in the remaining games."

Ranmaru smirked back. "If you dare try, be my freaking guest, candy count."

"The same goes for you, dandelion head."

"Heh. We'll see if you're still talkin' like that after I-"

"Reiji, Natsuki, as you can see, I am evidently in a team that is equivalent to a 'sinking ship'. So would it be alright if I join you?"

"Wait, wha-" Ranmaru's eyes dilated in horror.

"Mikaze," Camus began, his tone warning, "you shall _not_ -"

"Of course, our dear Ai-Ai!" Reiji chimed in, smiling widely as Natsuki beamed. "Come over here! You, Nattsun and I will be an amazing team!"

"Ai, don't! Don't leave me alone with this sugar cube!" Ranmaru shouted.

Ai sighed with an amused smile as Reiji and Natsuki laughed and Ranmaru protested vehemently and jabbed his finger at Camus, who scoffed and retorted that he did not wish to be stuck with the likes of Ranmaru either. Luckily, regardless whether Ai was serious about switching teams, the television screen displayed the teams and showed that the teal-haired boy was with Ranmaru and Camus. If Ai had really been transferred to Reiji and Natsuki's team, Ranmaru and Camus would have already been fatally confirmed to be doomed. Either way, however, the games, including this one, were already guaranteed to be crazy, to drive Ranmaru insane just like the duels had.

_To be fair, this lot has always been far from normal. But..._

Ranmaru heaved out a sigh, his lips parting into a playful grin as he ruffled Ai's hair.

_Can anyone really say that it's a bad thing?_

Unlike all those nights on which he felt like and was a lone wolf, he was not sitting in the darkness of the back of a deserted live house or alleyway, loathing his past self, gritting his teeth as unshed tears stung in his eyes. Unlike those days he wandered from one empty place to another, he was not losing himself to the bleeding screams and cries of a heart that had been battered and torn apart by reality over and over again, throbbing wounds and scars ripped open by the bullets fired from people whom he had trusted at least a part of him to. Unlike those morbid days, those broken times... he was not alone. He had people whom he loved, people who loved him too, people whom he was completely willing to give his loyalty to, knowing that they would never betray him or leave him in the dust, even though he did not explicitly say it. This quintet that was colourful and crazy and mind-blowing all at once... this group that was also his band... was genuinely where he belonged.

_After this game, we're gonna make a stop to go to the restroom and buy some hot drinks in a nice cafe. Then it's back to more destroying and yelling and duelling until the lunch break, with the restaurant to be determined._

The television screen flashed to a pink, white and yellow screen, on which was written the website link and the password that they needed in order to enter the game room. Taking his red cellphone out, Ranmaru opened his browser and began copying the link.

_But no matter how chaotic it'll be..._

A genuine grin shone amidst the smouldering red flames of his heart.

_I won't be alone. And that's something that you can count on me to never forget._

Ai Mikaze

_One of the myriad of questions that I formerly did not fathom, let alone know how to answer, was "How does the rain amplify sadness?" I have not forgotten the throbbing hollowness of my chest that was felt when I pondered over that particular question, failed to hold a smidgen of understanding in my fingers, no matter how much I attempted to understand alone. Neither have I forgotten the memories, living in my heart as colours, voices and emotions, that corresponded to that question. Memories of the downpour and drizzles and the grief that cracked through drenched hearts. Watching the rainfall, whether a few drops at a time or in deafening cascades, often make the memories well up inside me like the rain itself was falling in reverse within my soul._

_But right now... it's strange._

Leaning the palm of his left hand softly against the cool surface of the glass window, Ai felt his eyes barely open as he listened to the muffled rhythm of the transparent droplets pelting down on the other side and quietly slipping down, sometimes little by little, more often than not all at once, as inconsistent as it was inimitably natural.

_This moment... feels more soothing and beautiful than it would have been... all those months ago._

Throughout the first trivia game in the party bus, the bright azure of the sky's expanse had been slowly overtaken by veils of clouds and shadows like billowing curtains over clear glass, and by the time the vehicle had stopped at their stop, which was a vintage cafe that not even Natsuki or Camus knew about, it had begun to rain. Sitting in a booth by the glass window and in the back corner of the cafe, Ai quietly observed the droplets roll down the windows, seemingly endless, as ripples overlapped one another and disappeared one after another on the puddles of the concrete ground, his right cheek resting on his right hand as he felt a silent contentment seep through his heart like gentle waters. 

_Like how warm memories shed light upon a broken past and against its glass-like shards, reflects a rainbow, the rain, which is widely viewed as a metaphor for sadness, now brings a calming smile rather than a sorrowful one now._

He quietly traced the outline of a raindrop on the thin glass, a slight smile forming on his lips.

_How much we have changed through the memories we share over time..._

"You appear to be in a rather contemplative mood, Mikaze."

Blinking once, Ai shifted his attention over to Camus and Natsuki, who had just returned to the booth and were carrying everyone's drinks. Reiji and Ranmaru were nowhere in sight, meaning that they were most likely still in the restroom. 

"Is it a matter of puzzlement or sentimentality or both?" 

"Sentimentality," Ai answered, smiling faintly as after placing the teacups and their respective saucers on the table, Natsuki slipped into the booth next to Ai while Camus carefully took a seat at the opposite side of the table. "The rain is an element of nature that is rather skilful at evoking such emotions." 

Natsuki smiled softly as Camus nodded in understanding. Ai glanced down at his cup of hot sencha milk tea and spoke again. 

"I believe that one of you has paid for the drinks. So I will pay for mine now-"

"No need, Ai-chan," Natsuki gently interrupted, shaking his head. His green eyes glimmered with a kind smile. "I'd like to treat you guys this time, so you don't have to pay me back for your drink."

Ai's eyes widened slightly. "Natsuki-"

"He took me by surprise as well," Camus remarked, relinquishing a deep laugh as he added a few cubes of sugar into his Earl Grey milk tea. "He suddenly told me the same thing while we were awaiting everyone's orders at the counter, and whereas most people would be happy if they were the ones being treated, he looked extremely glad to have the opportunity to treat us." He shook his head with an amused smile. "However, to be fair, he is always the one who offers to negate the condition of needing to treat him even if the rest of us lose a fair bet."

"I agree," Ai said with a soft laugh as Natsuki rubbed the back of his neck with a shy smile. He squeezed the sunshine blond's hand softly. "I appreciate it, Natsuki. Thank you. However, do not be surprised if I decide to treat you out of the blue. I will be sure to choose a time when you least expect it."

It was Natsuki's turn to widen his eyes in pure shock. "A-Ai-chan-"

"In addition to that, your reactions are extremely unique and amusing," Ai teased with a mischievous smile, "so there is an additional benefit to me as well as the rest of the group in terms of surprising you."

"I could not have said it any clearer," Camus remarked with a sly smirk. "May I collude with you on this, Mikaze?"

"Be my guest, Camus."

"Ai-chan! Myu-chan!"

The three of them laughed together as Ai gave Natsuki's hand another soft squeeze, the warm scent of milk tea and coffee lattes flowing up into the air along with silent, graceful spirals of white vapour along with the melody of their voices intertwining with one another. Even as countless raindrops continued to descend down the sky in showers and cascades, it only granted the atmosphere a rather calming quality as the mood remained lively and warm with one another's presence. The five of them had barely even noticed the rain while they were clashing in the trivia game in the party bus - the trivia game that Ai's group would have won if not for Ranmaru and Camus bickering over one question at the literal last minute.

_The five of us have shared numerous painful times associated with the rain and its sadness..._

The memories of Ai waking up to a sorrowful, rainy night with everyone else after collapsing in the forest, the broken confrontation against Otoya in the secluded park in the heavy downpour, and Natsuki singing the ballad version of "Orion de Shout Out" with tears streaming down his face with the rain falling behind the arena's walls with the rest of them watching over him from backstage flickered inside his mind like silver light reflecting against transparent raindrops, and his lips eased into a soft smile at how the five of them had gone through a deep, long journey past the sadness and pain of those excruciating times and were where they were now. 

_But even as it pours down heavily, here we are, embracing a tender and warm moment with our hearts, freely and sincerely._

"Hey, look! Is that the cross-dresser of QUARTET NIGHT?"

A clamorous, mocking voice, followed by obnoxious guffaws, shattered their shared serenity like a bullet piercing through stained glass, and Ai narrowed his eyes and turned to the direction of a disordered group of five males that could not be younger than 20 years of age, their general physical appearance unruly with messy hair and wrinkled clothes. _Cross-dresser?_ He quietly noticed Natsuki wrap his arm protectively around him and Camus frown deeply as the five men approached their table with mocking grins and condescending sneers, guffawing even louder as they took in the sight of the three of them.

"What do you peasants want?" Camus demanded, his tone colder than ice.

"Nothing, really," one of them, a tall male with a haughty gait and dark brown hair, answered with a wide smirk, shrugging while gesturing with his hands, unintimidated by Camus' warning. "Was just curious 'bout one of your members, and he just happens to be right here too, so we thought we'd get a closer look."

The rude brunet turned to face Ai, his lips curling into a darker smirk.

"You sure you're supposed to be in a boy-band, girly?" he taunted, his voice dipping with malice. "'Cause ya look too much like a girl to me. Or don't tell me... you're a drag queen!" He laughed loudly as Ai did his best to maintain a calm expression and felt his chest tighten in mild pain. "QUARTET NIGHT, one of the biggest boy-bands currently, has a drag queen as a band member! Either that or their band member is just some girl masquerading as a guy! What a loser!"

"Stop saying all those hurtful things about Ai-chan!" Natsuki exclaimed, his voice filled with pain as he shielded Ai from being touched by any of the mocking males. "Ai-chan looks and is amazing just the way he is, so please stop hurting him and leave us alone."

"In other words, do get rid of yourselves from our sight," Camus stated harshly, venom leaking from his cold tone. "Leave or we can assure you that you ignorant fools will regret the consequences."

"Oh? You three really think that you can take the five of us down in a fight? Especially when one of you is a literal _girl_?" the male with spiky red hair questioned, a sadistic grin glinting in his black eyes. He reached towards Ai and Natsuki shielded Ai even more, only for the redhead to seize the blond's arm and grin with pure malice. Camus gritted his teeth. "You're the one who has just recently woken up from a coma. I don't know what your attackers did, but if you don't step aside, I can assure you that I'll twist that arm of yours and-"

"How about ya back off before you hit the ground, bud?"

"So-"

Before the redhead could finish speaking, he was grabbed by the back of his shirt and slammed to the floor by Ranmaru, whose heterochromatic eyes were blazing with utter fury and resentment as he glowered down at the bully. The male with dark brown hair spat out a curse and lunged at Ranmaru, only to be yanked back by the arm by a serious Reiji and shoved against the wall. Camus did not waste a second participating in the squabble by pointing his sceptre at the face of another tormentor while Natsuki blocked a punch from another before pushing him away and pulling Ai out of the booth with him by the hand. 

"Ya think ya can get away with threatening _and_ hurting our two youngest members, huh, you morons?"

With pure pain and grimness in his green eyes, Natsuki kept one arm wrapped around Ai's back protectively while in front of them, Camus, with an icy scowl, allowed his sceptre to remain pointed with a soundless but unforgiving warning at the three subordinate members of the group of bullies. With a calm but dark anger overshadowing his grey eyes, Reiji did not loosen his grip on the brunet that he had forced against the wall as Ranmaru pressed the struggling redhead against the floor even harder and spat coldly, rage smouldering in the latter's heterochromatic eyes.

"One thing that you clearly don't have stuck in your dimwitted minds is that the five of us, QUARTET NIGHT, do not take any freaking trash from anyone, let alone scums of society like you lot," Ranmaru snarled, his tone leaking with venom. "If you thought that you could just come right up to us and call one names and try to abuse two of us, you've dug your grave, you lowlifes. You. You said that you could twist Natsuki's arm, huh?"

Without a trace of mercy in his eyes, Ranmaru grabbed the redhead by the arm and held it up, causing the tormentor to squirm desperately under his weight, crying out in fear while struggling to break free. 

"If it means you gettin' the point," Ranmaru uttered in a low, threatening voice, slowly but lethally, "I can do exactly that to you right here and now, you piece of-"

"Well, well, well. Look who we have here. I thought that I recognized your voice when I first heard you and it looks like you're as distinct as ever."

"Souji-san!"

One of the subordinate members of the group exclaimed with relief flooding his voice and Ai's eyes widened slightly when he noticed Ranmaru's heterochromatic eyes dilate at the sound of the newcomer's voice. Ranmaru snapped his head up and all of QUARTET NIGHT turned to face the owner of the condescending voice. Leaning against the wall was a tall, muscular young man with gelled, short black hair and parted bangs, his fingers playing with part of his longer bangs as his eyes skimmed over the sight before him. Wearing an unbuttoned mahogany vest over a white T-shirt, as well as torn black jeans and blue-and-black sneakers, he allowed his lips to widen into an arrogant grin as he laughed, his dark eyes glinting with mirth that did not brighten the heart but could bring chills running down one's spine. Relinquishing another laugh, Souji stepped closer to the group, the glint never leaving his eyes, and towards Ranmaru, who pushed the redhead down to the ground before getting up to meet the newcomer's stare in the same level.

"Still the same roughhousing rocker, I see." Souji paused, only to snigger a few times. "Oh actually, you aren't. Considering how soft you seem to have become over the years?"

"Say that again?" Ranmaru demanded through gritted teeth as Ai felt an ominous unease fill his own chest.

Stopping directly in front of the silver-haired rocker, Souji merely sneered at Ranmaru's face, his lips twisting into a mocking smirk as he grabbed the latter by the collar of his shirt.

"I heard that you were 'bout to threaten my comrade." He chuckled darkly. "Have you forgotten what happened the last time we saw each other? Or do you need a reminder of how much you bled that day, all betrayed by your lonesome despite how tough you act, Kurosaki Ranmaru?"

Ranmaru Kurosaki

"Firstly, get your freaking hand off me."

Ranmaru yanked himself away from Souji, balling his hands into fists as he scowled at the shorter male.

"Secondly, if you were here the whole time and ain't deaf, you'd know that your lackeys started this nonsense by mocking Ai and threatening Natsuki. Thirdly, you dare bring up what happened all those years ago, you two-faced _traitor_?"

Natsuki and Reiji widened their eyes in pure shock as Ai and Camus narrowed their eyes and Ranmaru gritted his teeth with sheer anger and hatred. Souji Takahashi. That was the name of this boastful, double-crossing blockhead whom Ranmaru had had the wretched misfortune of ever placing his trust into years ago in his broken, burning life. He used to be a pro guitarist and the leader of one of the bands that Ranmaru used to be a part of, jamming with a raw, passionate versatility that the latter deeply admired in a fellow musician. However, for one, Souji was a two-faced, self-centred brute. Onstage and within the proximity of the band, he seemed lively, friendly and welcoming, but behind the scenes, he was a conniving fox who plotted against those who threatened his so-called "position" or "authority", and Ranmaru, who was considered the selling point and thus, the "star" of the rock band they had been in, was exactly that. 

So Souji, with help from his pretentious girlfriend, had trapped Ranmaru by saying that he had tried to make a move on the leader's girlfriend. Ranmaru, with sheer indignance and disbelief, had denied it, shouting and yelling in his own defence that he never touched that girl, and their band members had been torn between whom to believe. Although no one had intended for it to go as far as it had, like a bullet shot into a gas tank and causing it to explode, this selfish lie had triggered a violent argument amongst all the band members, with many delving into personal grudges by pressing on about others' integrity and morals, and the night of that fight had inevitably led to the disbandment of the band, with neither Souji nor Ranmaru backing down even a little. Souji had been the person that Ranmaru looked up to and cared about the most in this group, but at the end, he had thrown Ranmaru under the bus just for the mere sake of being the most admired and at the "very top" of the band. Even though his act of framing had not gone the way that he had planned, it had still mainly worked in his favour, for almost every single person in the band, besides one or two people, had believed his lies about Ranmaru. And after those who believed Ranmaru stormed away, everyone else had forced him into the alleyway away from the live house that they should have performed him and brutally beat him while Souji and his girlfriend watched with satisfied smirks curled on their faces.

All that he had been trying to do was reach higher with everyone else in the band, his friends, not overshadow anyone.

All that he had done was for all of them, not just himself.

He had faith in them. Believed in them. Trusted them.

But they shoved him to the ground and slammed fists and feet on his vulnerable body.

Punched him. Kicked him. Blamed him. Called him names.

All just because of lies that were fabricated by one of them, made up just for the mere sake of self-assured power and attention. As he took every single blow alone, with his arms pinned behind his back and his body slammed against the ground, all his mind could think, with all of the pain, betrayal and anger blazing like a vortex of flames all at once, was, _Why? Why? Why?_

_Why... am I that worthless to you?_

_To all of you...?_

_When all I've done... was for us? Why?_

Not long after they had left Ranmaru laying down in the dirt, bleeding with blue bruises and scratches as his heart shouted into a black abyss, Souji had stepped over to him without any shame or remorse, crouched down, and peered at his broken figure with a sickening, twisted smile filled with the deceit and cruelty that he had hidden behind a mask of warmth and kindness. After whispering with a smirk all that he had done and how it had succeeded in his favour, Souji had slammed his foot against Ranmaru's gut, laughed as the latter groaned in pain, and walked away, linking arms with his girlfriend as he did, allowing what Ranmaru had thought to be their friendship to burn into ashes in the furnace of lies that the band had left behind as he bled alone into the night. 

_Did you think you could be the band's star,_ Ran _?_

Souji had taunted, looking directly into Ranmaru's eyes with a sly smile.

_'Cause you've crashed down, just like you were meant to all along, to the point that even your family's empire, the Kurosaki conglomerate, got burned into shambles. And when you burn into ashes, you'll burn alone, just like then, just like now._

"Traitor?"

Here in the present, Souji laughed loudly at Ranmaru.

"What could you possibly be getting at, Ran? Because based on what I recall, you were the one who was beaten for being the reason of the band's disbandment, for that time you tried to steal my girlfriend." He gave Ranmaru a wicked grin. "She still remembers you, by the way. After all, how can a girl forget a guy who tried to make a move on her despite knowing she's taken?"

"You and Erina lied to everyone in the band!" Ranmaru snapped back, glaring at his former band member as the memories burned in his head like old wildfire. "You weren't content with your position in the band, thinkin' I was seen as someone above you in the group, so with help from her, you tried to take me down by setting me up to look like some kind of traitor when you were the backstabbing traitor all along! And after everyone fought, you got all those who sided with you to drag me to the back and beat me until they had quelled their hate and anger, and you watched the whole freaking time with that smirk of yours knowin' exactly what you did! And now, all those years after that..."

He gritted his teeth, nauseated by that full-blown smirk on his adversary's shameless face.

"You dare show your face in front of me? Not to mention, let your fellow pathetic sorry-excuses-of-human-beings do as they freaking please to two of my closest friends?"

"So you really have gotten soft."

Souji cackled, grinning at Ranmaru.

"'Closest friends'? That's new. And that doesn't sound like something that the hardcore rocker that you were those years ago would have dared utter even in a whisper. Buddies? Yes. Friends? Sometimes. Pals? Definitely. But _closest friends_?" Souji snickered. "Are you that desperate for companionship to the point that you'd degrade yourself to being some sap like a dog wagging its tail to its owner, sucking up to the rest of your band?" He scoffed. "What a softie. No. What a pathetic _loser_."

Ranmaru's heart darkened as he clenched his teeth. "You don't freaking know what you're saying, you-"

"I can bet that as we speak, each and every one of your QUARTET NIGHT band members are thinking the same thing, and they'll prove it to you sooner or later in the future." Souji let out a mocking laugh as he peered into Ranmaru's eyes. "What? You going to say that I'm wrong just like I was that night? Is that it? Are you sure you have the guts to fight me on this when you have absolutely nothing to live for since you have not only not improved yourself for the better but degraded yourself to the point that even as you speak to me now, it is clear that you're such a-"

"Maru-chan has us."

Before Ranmaru could snap or yell at Souji to shut his freaking mouth up and get out of his face, a quiet but resolute voice rippled into the tumultuous air like wind across wild waters, and with his mind snapped out of his storm of rage, his eyes dilated in shock. Without a moment of hesitation, Ranmaru swivelled his head around, only to find Natsuki silently stepping closer to him with Ai and Camus, his emerald eyes glimmering with unspoken pain and seriousness behind his black-framed glasses. _Natsuki?_ Natsuki stopped walking when he was right beside Ranmaru and placed a hand on the latter's right shoulder, a gesture of reassurance and kindness, before facing Souji and speaking again.

"Maru-chan is one of our closest friends," Natsuki continued, his voice quiet and calm, his green eyes reflecting the same resolute emotions, "and as his friends and family, all of us in QUARTET NIGHT can say that you are completely wrong, Souji-san. Maru-chan is a true and wonderful friend with a kind, selfless and passionate heart that has moved our hearts countless times, who has taken our hands and pulled us all back onto our feet more times than we can count, who has always, always been by our side even during the most painful times. The words you are using are making Maru-chan sound like he has nothing to be happy about, but he does have people to smile with and live with and be with."

Natsuki glanced at Ranmaru with a gentle smile glimmering in his green eyes.

"He has us, just like we have him, and those are one of the main reasons why we can smile everyday."

"Moreover, none of us see why you are ridiculing Ranmaru for using the phrase 'closest friends.'"

Ai remarked, standing beside Natsuki with a cold, emotionless expression reflected in his teal eyes.

"Are you truly attempting to measure one's 'hardcore' standards by the utilization of a simple, harmless phrase used to define a genuine relationship? Nothing that Ranmaru has ever said or done makes him a 'loser' or 'sap' or any other meaningless name that you just called him. In actuality, by general standards, the only meaningless one here is you, as well as the rest of your group."

"You think you know what you're-" Souji tried to speak.

"Do I need to elaborate further?" Ai interrupted with narrowed eyes.

"You drag queen-"

"We don't know the whole story of Ran-Ran's past, but one thing we know about him is that he's an incredibly honest and loyal friend and brother. So if he says that you set him up and lied to others in order to do it, you did, Souji-san."

Reiji suddenly placed a hand down onto Souji's shoulder from behind, curling his fingers around it slowly but firmly. His eyes widening, Souji spun around, only to find Reiji smiling at him. The problem, however, was that Reiji's lips may be smiling, but his grey eyes were definitely _not_ , for they were darkened by a calm but cold anger that could easily bring icy chills to the spine for it deeply contrasted the brunet's normally-blithe demeanour. Fear finally reaching his eyes, Souji tried to pull away, but Reiji effortlessly held him in place, tightening his grip with an unfaltering smile, and in his mind, Ranmaru remembered the one other person that Reiji had ever showed that blood-curdling expression to: Tablo Ozrock, during the time when he, Camus, Ranmaru and Ai had deliberately cornered him for emotionally breaking Natsuki that broken night they found him on the sidewalk. So by triggering the darker side of QUARTET NIGHT's cheerful leader to emerge into the open...

... Souji had signed his death wish. 

"If you didn't do anything wrong, why are you trying to run away now, hmm?"

Reiji tilted his black fedora, narrowing his grey eyes slightly.

"Looks like your verdict's guilty here. You set Ran-Ran up years ago and today you let your group members harass Ai-Ai and Nattsun as they pleased and you also tried to bully Ran-Ran. And when we did not give you the reaction you wanted, you tried arguing back, called Ai-Ai a 'drag queen' and attempted to run away. We can't have that, can we?"

His expression darkened under his fedora as he tightened his fingers around Souji's shoulder.

"Listen. We don't care who you think you are or how much you believe you are capable of. If you hurt one of us, you hurt all of us, and none of us will ever hold back when it comes to protecting one of our own. You're the one degrading yourself while Ran-Ran, on the other hand, has always given every spark and flame in his soul to light up the hearts of those around him. With all that being said, are you sure you'd like to continue ridiculing our dear Ran-Ran when Ai-Ai, Nattsun, Myu-chan and I are right here with him, _Souji-san_?"

Ranmaru had never seen Souji look as petrified as he did right now ever since they first met all those years ago. And he knew the traitor well enough to know that the fear flaring in his dark eyes like sirens was deep and genuine as it crumbled his arrogant front more and more as the seconds ticked by. But although it was crystal-clear for everyone to see, it did not mean that they were going to empathize with him - not even by the slightest bit. While not even Natsuki or Ai, the two main pacifists of the group, made any move to stop Reiji, Camus silently stepped closer to the cowardly traitor, his ice-blue eyes narrowed into a cold stare, gripping his sceptre in his hand. Reiji forced Souji in place as Camus positioned his sceptre against the black-haired male's throat, the latter's eyes boring into his without a shred of mercy or forgiveness.

"Terrified to the core, are you not?"

His tone was quiet but low, colder than ice itself as Souji quivered slightly.

"If you have provoked Kotobuki to this extent and not even Shinomiya or Mikaze are making even the slightest move to save you, it means that you are such a low being, even for a cowardly peasant. To put it simply, the lowest of the low. I recall you threatening to remind Kurosaki of how much he bled on a particular day." Camus scoffed coldly. "Would you like a guarantee on how much you _will_ bleed if you provoke us further or show your face around us again?"

"I-I don't-"

"Considering the fact that none of your pathetic servants have made a move to attempt to stop any of us, it appears that even they hold more intelligence than you, fathoming what would happen if they did intervene."

"Souji, let's just go!" the redhead that Ranmaru had previously slammed to the ground yelled, clearly terrified. "We have better places to be anyway! Even though there are six of us, we clearly don't stand a chance against this group!"

"Did you have to say it like-" Souji cut himself off mid-sentence when he saw Ai narrow his eyes and Natsuki shake his head, and he spat a curse. "My friends and I will get out of your sight so let go of me already! Please!"

Reiji and Camus both looked at Ranmaru and with a loud sigh, he nodded briefly. And in a few moments, Camus pulled his sceptre away and stepped backwards and Reiji released his grip on Souji's shoulder. However, just as Souji began to retreat towards his friends who were scrambling towards the exit, Ranmaru grabbed him by the collar and yanked him back.

"What are you-" Souji began.

"That night, you lied about me burning alone too."

Forcing him closer, Ranmaru glared deeply into Souji's eyes, red and orange flames blazing in his heart as he spoke in a low, serious tone.

"And I didn't burn into ashes either. And you know why that's the case? Because I had and have them. Reiji, Camus, Natsuki, Ai. They're the people I care about the most, so if you dare show your face around any of them ever again, you can count on me plummeting you down to the ground. And even that ain't for me."

Repulsed by the unchanged lowlife, Ranmaru gritted his teeth and shoved him away.

"It's for them. All of them."

Souji simply shot Ranmaru an unforgiving scowl before hurrying to join his friends and exiting the cafe, the glass doors swinging shut behind the bullies. Ranmaru took in a sharp inhale and slowly let it out, clenching and unclenching his fists as he watched the doors swing back and forth and the rain showering down on the other side of the glass. _For them._ He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder as the words resonated soundlessly in his head, like a silent light rippling through the darkness. He turned and found Natsuki, Ai, Camus and Reiji all facing him with the same worry and concern in their eyes, wordlessly reassuring him while asking if he was okay. Shaking his head slightly, Ranmaru gestured towards the booth by the window, and they got the point and approached it as he did the same. 

While Natsuki and Ai sat on one side, Camus, Reiji and Ranmaru took a seat on the other. Reiji draped an arm around Ranmaru's shoulders as the latter heaved a sigh, Ranmaru's chest rising and falling in what felt like utter exhaustion, like that entire ordeal had drained every ounce of energy out of him. Glancing down, Ranmaru noted that all the drinks had definitely gone cold as he recollected his thoughts and exhaled again, his breath cold, before finally mustering the strength to speak.

"Y'all really didn't have to go that far for me," he started, his voice quieter than usual. "He was just another lowlife who came in and out of my life after doin' whatever he wanted with it, and I've dealt with and gotten over plenty of scums like him, though it's left me bleedin' on the ground more times than I care to admit."

"Maru-chan..." Natsuki whispered, smiling sadly as Ai's eyes softened.

"But this was the fight... that mattered the most when it came to him. You know why? 'Cause for the first time... I wasn't alone."

With his hands clenching and unclenching on the table, Ranmaru faced all four of his closest friends, his heart throbbing heavily in his chest.

"When with you four, I never felt or was alone, not even for a second. No matter how much I burn, how bright and painful the flames feel, I was never reduced to ashes, for you were all there to keep my soul in one piece in this broken world of glass heights and fire. I'd more or less forgotten kindness and warmth before I met you guys and regardless how I was, you still accepted me and loved me and gave me all of what I had forgotten and more. My struggles, my pain, my mistakes... You took it all and grabbed my hand and gave me a greater meaning of being my own person, of being someone who had the strength to protect others in this bleeding world... And for that..."

He let out a long exhale, knowing that he was not at all used to saying any of this, but meant every single syllable of it with every fibre of his being anyway.

"Thank you." Ranmaru smiled slightly, his chest suddenly lighter than before once the words were released freely for them to hear. "Thank you... for bein' with me - together and always - and for making dead straight that I could believe it as much as you all do. I know that I don't say it as often as most of ya do, but really... thank you. I wanna be here with you guys, as crazy and ridiculous and colourful as this group is..."

All of them laughed softly and Ranmaru found his smile curving a little more as he chuckled too.

"... and I wouldn't have it any other way, ya know. I would never."

His eyes brighter than the sky itself, Reiji immediately beamed and threw himself onto Ranmaru, glomping him into a tight hug as he cried out, "Ran-Ran!" with an undeniably happy voice. Pulling the table aside, before Ranmaru could even consider protesting, Ai and Natsuki approached him and joined the hug as well, wrapping their arms around him as they smiled warmly and laughed. As he sighed with a quiet chuckle and let the three of them all hug him for once, Ranmaru smiled lightly and allowed himself to relax, tousling the three males' hair one head at a time, and that was when he felt a hand rest itself gently but firmly on his shoulder. 

Turning, Ranmaru faced Camus, who had been pulled closer to them by Natsuki and was giving him a slight but sincere smile rather than the teasing smirks that he was used to from the Permafrost count. Nodding in return, Ranmaru smiled back and pulled Camus closer and kept one arm wrapped around the platinum-blond as the five of them remained just like this, sharing this tender moment in the now-silent cafe as the rain continued to fall outside like the warm tears that were cascading past due time. This group was everything to him. This group was his true family, filled with the people closest and most important to him, and right now, even though the sunshine was nowhere to be seen illumining the stormy sky and its deluge of rain, even though the cups of milk tea and coffee no longer allowed even a thin ribbon of white vapour to float up into the air, even though the place was silent for the most part... it was warm here. The fire had burned, ashes had scattered and disappeared, and scars had reopened and bled with new wounds and throbbed with new bruises, but everything in this new moment was purely, sincerely warm.

_All of it really was in flames. In flames, chaos, screams and agony... It really was a broken, burning pandemonium. But even going through all of it, I couldn't say I didn't need warmth. Couldn't say I needed no kindness. Couldn't say that I wasn't lonely when alone. Because those words were as worthless and useless as they were lies, lies that could never fill the gaping crevices of a burning heart._

_You put an end to the wildfire in the district of flames, stopped by fall from the shattering glass heights... so in this life that had more than once felt so dark and hollow, that felt so lifeless and meaningless with forgotten warmth and ephemeral light, I... I ain't bleeding now._

Ranmaru closed his eyes, living in a moment that he would never forget, that would never fail to assuage the flurry of storms and flames that had and would threaten to tear him apart from time to time, and the smile may disappear from his lips, but never from his soul. Ever.

_I'm actually... happy. And I ain't ashamed to remain just like this, with them, with us just being ourselves, as warm as we are in a place that the flames could never reduce to ashes._

Reiji Kotobuki

Not long after the five of them were all settled in the booth by the window, the lady at the counter approached them and offered to reheat everyone's drinks as a "thank you" for driving Souji and his group of bullies away from the cafe, stating that those males came often and stirred up trouble as they pleased by harassing other customers and even the staff members themselves. Reiji chuckled brightly when Natsuki beamed and got up to give the lady a warm hug, telling her that they were happy to help, and Ranmaru laughed and patted the blond boy from behind as they all smiled. However, after the lady reheated their drinks, they had to leave the cafe as it was time to film the game segment on the party bus, so exchanging goodbyes with the staff members, the five of them took their plastic cups of hot drinks and headed out into the parking lot with umbrellas protecting them from the downpour.

And once they were back to playing games on the moving vehicle...

The epic craziness returned too. At full force.

"Reiji, I swear if you roll a freaking 1- No!"

"Yay!" Reiji cheered, pumping a fist up into the air as his in-game character reached the space that would allow him to steal coins, the in-game currency, from any opponent of his choosing. His smile widened. "Now to pick someone to take coins from... Hmm... let me check where everyone else is on the board..."

"For all I care, you can pick anyone else, you dunce!" Ranmaru exclaimed, pointing at a grinning Reiji. "I'm in fourth place, so if anything, you should be stealing from Natsuki or Camus if you wanna win, not me! Even Ai would be a better pick, 'cause I can bet you that he'll drop a bomb next turn!"

"Ranmaru, you may be in fourth place, but as far as I am concerned, you have a card in your inventory that will allow you to roll any number from 1-10 that you wish to roll the following turn and thus, have a strong opportunity to sabotage anyone of your choosing," Ai stated bluntly, shaking his head. "So it would be a wise move if Reiji were to select you, as he could greatly weaken your ability to turn the tables against him."

"Everyone is dangerous in this game..." Reiji muttered aloud, stroking his chin as he skimmed through the board. "Nattsun and Myu-chan have quite the lead, but if I don't steal from Ran-Ran now... things could look pretty ugly for me."

"Reiji, you'd better not-"

"So I'm sorry, Ran-Ran, but I'm taking your coins!"

"No!"

"But hmm, it looks like that I won't be the only one determining your fate in this game," Reiji pointed out as he laughed at Ranmaru's protests, looking at the new red speech box on the television screen. "I may have been able to choose my opponent, but I have to choose someone else to spin the Wheel of Charity for me."

"How is this charity when you're stealing coins away-"

"Nattsun, big bro Rei-chan's countin' on you and your good luck!"

"Oh God- Natsuki, don't!"

Smiling apologetically at Ranmaru, Natsuki tapped the right button on his phone screen and caused the wheel to start spinning, allowing the silver-haired rocker to smack a hand hard against his face. Ai and Camus exchanged knowing smiles as Reiji beamed hopefully, all five of them knowing that Natsuki's luck had been doing wonders in this board game, and he was hoping that by letting Natsuki spin the wheel for him, Reiji could gain a better position in this game. The colourful wheel began to slow down, building up the anticipation and tension as the five of them watched the arrow point at the passing segments and waited for fate to be sealed. After a few more long seconds, the wheel stopped at-

"What. On. Actual. _Earth_."

His jaw slackened, Ranmaru snapped his head over to Natsuki, who smiled awkwardly.

"Does your luck just _hate_ me?" he exclaimed. "Or is it just this whole freaking game?"

Ranmaru's eyes were dilated in shock and horror as Reiji burst out laughing, both of them shaking their heads at the screen with completely different kinds of awe. Natsuki had gotten the rarest and best possible result for Reiji - and simultaneously, the worst possible result for Ranmaru - from the Wheel of Charity: Ranmaru had to give _all_ of his coins to Reiji and Natsuki, with three-fourth of the total going to the former and one-fourth being taken by the latter. Camus smirked and Ai smiled in amusement as a laughing Reiji threw his arms around a chuckling Natsuki and Ranmaru facepalmed hard. Reiji thoroughly remembered the moment when Ranmaru spun the Wheel of Charity two turns ago trying to knock Natsuki off his position at first place, only for it to backfire when he only managed to take one coin from the sunshine blond. But this... this was pure gold! 

"Thank you so, so much, Nattsun!" Reiji exclaimed with a bright smile, squeezing Natsuki even tighter. "Now I'm finally gainin' on Myu-chan!"

"Perhaps this also serves as a heavy retribution for your attempt to steal coins from Natsuki two turns ago, Ranmaru," Ai noted as he checked the board map. He smiled faintly. "You were right to be worried about Natsuki being the one to spin the wheel."

"This is why I didn't want _Natsuki_ of all people spinnin' the wheel!" Ranmaru yelled, facepalming again. "But Ai, are you serious sayin' this is _karma_? I only stole _one coin_ from him that turn and now I have to give all 105 of mine? And Natsuki, why on actual earth is your luck doing this to me?"

"Sorry, Maru-chan! I didn't k- Wahh!"

Natsuki laughed when Ranmaru pounced onto him from his seat and began tickling him on the ribs with a mischievous smirk on the face. "Maru-chan!" Ranmaru grinned as he kept a firm grip on Natsuki and his fingers tickled their way to the younger blond's weak spots. "P-Please, Maru-chan! It's t-ticklish!" Beaming at the adorable sight, Reiji could feel his heart swell with love and adoration and hugged Natsuki from behind as Ai and Camus watched with smiles on their faces. Despite what had happened at the cafe between the five of them and Souji's group, all of them were quick to revert back to being the blissful, colourful and chaotic family that they always were while playing games on the party bus, yelling, cheering and laughing as the time flew by. There were a myriad of hilarious and unforgettable moments throughout each and every game that they played, such as Ai and Camus clashing heatedly in the finale of a challenging trivia game, Ranmaru being severely affected by Natsuki's strange and often-insane luck one way or another even when the latter was not targeting him, and Reiji randomly destroying other people's strategies without trying to. There was not a single board game devoid of any smiles or colours, not a single time when none of them were laughing or smiling, and to Reiji, it was beyond amazing.

Because more than anything, the fact that all his dearest friends were smiling made his heart shine within his chest, anytime, any day. 

"Ai-Ai, have you made your move- Hey! Why are you targeting me?"

"I have to reduce your coin lead before you make a move that can guarantee your win. Since Ranmaru has been momentarily disadvantaged, you were the best option to target."

"Aww!"

"Nice one, Ai!" 

Ranmaru guffawed, slinging an arm around the teal-haired boy with a lopsided grin as Reiji laughed and wrapped his arms tighter around a sunny Natsuki. Ai smiled faintly as Camus stroked his chin, the Permafrost count contemplating his next move. One of the main reasons that this party bus ride was one of their best assignments to date was because of how everyone got the opportunity to loosen up and let their hearts soar freely in colours and chaos throughout it all and all took that opportunity and embraced it. From the karaoke duels to the trivia games to the board games and everything else, everything had been bursting with vibrant, multifarious colours.

_"I wanna be here with you guys, as crazy and ridiculous and colourful as this group is..."_

All of them, especially Ranmaru, had suffered back in that cafe, but despite that, they were all laughs and smiles now, as unorthodox and inimitable they were as their own people and as an inseparable family, and because of that, Reiji's heart was glowing with radiance, even as the freezing rain continued to pour outside. And those words that Ranmaru, who was not someone who often confided in any of them, said to them at the cafe, as earnest and warm as they were, represented the feelings that would continue to linger and blossom in their hearts like a flower of sunshine and flames, alighting their spirits, warming their souls. Snuggling closer to Natsuki, Reiji watched as Ranmaru grinned and teasingly said that Camus was taking too long, allowing the latter to smoothly retaliate with a subtle insult and prompting another bicker between the two. 

_So do we, Ran-Ran._

Laughing, Reiji shook his head as Natsuki and Ai smiled, the party bus rocking as it continued to drive along the streets of puddles and rain.

_Wherever we're going, whatever happens... so do we._

Camus

"The rain's finally stopped."

"It appears to have stopped ever since at least a few minutes ago, but none of us noticed," Ai remarked, looking through the glass window with a slight smile. "It must be because everyone was too immersed in the games. I have to admit that the last game was an extremely unpredictable one - anyone could have been the victor with all the twists and turns that occurred during the match."

"It was so much fun, alright!" Reiji exclaimed, wrapping his arms around both Natsuki and Ranmaru with a bright smile. "No matter who won or lost, every game was a total blast! I don't know when we'll get to ride a party bus again, but I definitely wanna do this again together!"

"Yep!" Natsuki beamed brightly, hugging Reiji back.

Camus nodded with a slight smile as Ranmaru grinned and Ai smiled. With the party bus filming having reached its end, all of the cameras had been switched off, meaning that they could all finally speak and do as they pleased without needing to bear in mind that they were being filmed or watched. Leaning against the backrest beside Ai, Camus quietly sipped his plastic cup of vanilla milk tea as he watched the party bus pass the expanse of the bright azure sky behind a myriad of buildings, trees and bustling streets, colours and images appearing and disappearing amidst the glass windows. He had not at all expected today to go the way it had, but it was thoroughly enjoyable amidst all of its twists and unpredictability. As much as he himself was not one to select a party bus of all vehicles to ride on, he would be lying if he said that he disliked the experience. Moreover, the party bus had not only been a convivial experience, but a meaningful one.

Out of the corner of his eye, Camus noticed the contented grin on Ranmaru's face and inwardly smiled.

They had all benefited from it in terms of growth as people, and knowing how he had hoped for Ranmaru to use this very opportunity to overcome his struggles and evolve... Camus was more than satisfied, for he was aware that his silver-haired friend and rival had done precisely that.

_You triumphed, Kurosaki. With flying colours, may I add._ _And for that, I earnestly congratulate you._

Ranmaru noticed and gave him a lopsided grin, his heterochromatic eyes alight with genuine spirit, and Camus nodded with a slight but genuine smile.

_As your friend and comrade, I am sincerely glad for you._

"Err, guys... the party bus is supposed to take us home, right?"

Reiji's hesitant voice caused Camus to frown as he turned to face the brunet, whose grey eyes were wide with confusion and concern as they stared through the glass window.

"So why are we entering _this_ apartment complex?"

"What?"

Ranmaru gaped as he, Camus, Natsuki and Ai all shifted their attention to the windows, only for them to realize that Reiji was indeed right. The party bus was entering an apartment complex, except that it was not theirs. In fact, if Camus was not mistaken, this particular apartment complex was at least twenty minutes away from the one that the five of them were currently living in. Narrowing his eyes, Camus scanned the area, mentally taking note of the unfamiliar surroundings. The area appeared to be relatively serene as well as somehow elegant, including in comparison to their current residence. The walls of the towering apartment buildings were a pristine white, lilac and pale azure, and the roofs were a clear, lustrous jet-black. The concrete roads were devoid of any cracks and the area was adorned by winter flowers such as white and violet Japanese andromeda and blue, yellow and orange winter pansies amidst the white snow illumined by the pale sunlight. As the party bus approached the fountain area, Camus saw a familiar figure standing by the lobby there and as soon as he recognized the person, he mentally facepalmed.

_Shining-san. Of course._

Natsuki and Reiji laughed awkwardly as Ai rubbed his right temple with a quiet sigh and Ranmaru smacked a palm against his face, and Camus closed his eyes and sighed with resignation.

_Please tell us that this is a reasonable cause, although that is normally not the case._

Shining beamed widely when the party bus skidded to a careful stop directly in front of him, and Camus saw that it was lamentably time to deal with the superior's insanity, as they always had over the years of being idols. With a nervous smile, Reiji opened the door and pulled Natsuki out of the party bus with him and Ai followed, with Ranmaru forcing himself up with a groan and Camus directly behind him. Camus had a peculiar feeling about this unknown matter lingering in his chest, but rather than dwelling over it, he would rather listen to an explanation from his unorthodox boss, regardless how unreasonable it would be. Being the last to exit, Camus stepped down from the vehicle and shut the door behind him before facing Shining, whose incessant grin was as unwavering as usual as he looked at the five of them who stood in one straight row before his eyes and guffawed.

Beside Camus, Ranmaru was evidently getting agitated as their boss' grin widened.

"Ho ho ho! Congratulations on completing Round 3.5 of the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project, by beloved quintet! Those hours of filming that you spent in that colourful party bus shall be divided into multiples of episodes for the party bus mini-series for all your wonderful fans to enjoy! Based on all I've seen, you all sure had a blast throughout every minute of it, and because you all did, so will your fans!"

Shining's eyes glowed with sheer radiance.

"For that, I am extremely pleased to say that you have completed Round 3.5 with undeniable success, QUARTET NIGHT! However, I have one last surprise for you for this momentous day."

He spread his arms wide open and grinned.

"Welcome to your new home!" he shouted.

It took a few moments of silence for the five of them to truly register what Shining had just proclaimed like the madman that he was. Camus could slowly feel his own eyes widen as he stared at their senior, knowing that his ears were not deceiving him and yet was struggling to come in terms with the announcement. _This... had to be absurd._ Ranmaru's jaw dropped as Ai, Natsuki and Reiji all stared at Shining with widened eyes filled with shock and disbelief, the four of them clearly on the same page as Camus on this particular matter. The five of them all turned to face one another, their eyes reflecting one another's emotions before Ranmaru facepalmed, snapped his head over to Shining, and began to speak.

"... Shining. Don't get me wrong. We know that you've given us crazy surprises over the years of knowin' you, but... you're joking, right? You..."

Ranmaru took in a deep breath and let it out, his voice clearly straining to remain calm. However, just like winter itself-

"You can't be freaking serious!" Ranmaru exclaimed vehemently.

... Ranmaru's patience was incredibly short-lived.

"Oh, but I am, Mr Kurosaki!" Shining exclaimed, beaming at the incredulous rocker, unfazed by everyone's disbelief. "QUARTET NIGHT, as you all know, one of the rules of the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project is that the members of one main unit are to live together until the project has come to an official end. I am completely aware that all five of you are currently residing in Mr Kotobuki's apartment and based on serious observation, none of you have any intention on moving back to your initial residences even when the project come to an end! Even during holidays such as Christmas or New Year's Day, not a single one of you made a move to attempt to live elsewhere, even if only momentarily! Let me ask you all this very seriously."

Shining's expression turned serious.

"Am I right to say that all five of you are completely willing to resume living with one another _permanently_ , even after the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project ends?"

"I definitely want us to continue living together."

Reiji was the first to answer, his response being almost immediate, turning to face everyone else with a genuine smile.

"The five of us aren't just a band, Shiny-san. We're best friends, as well as a family. Of course I want the five of us to keep staying together, now and onward."

"Me too, Shining-sensei."

Wrapping his arms around Reiji and Ai, Natsuki looked around and smiled warmly.

"We all love one another, and I'm sure all of us would be really sad if we couldn't live together anymore."

"I agree," Ai said, placing a hand on Natsuki's shoulder with a soft smile. "I would like the arrangement to be permanent too."

"As do I," Camus agreed with a brief nod, smiling slightly.

"I'm with them on this," Ranmaru added, smiling genuinely as he propped an elbow on Camus' shoulder. This time, Camus allowed him to do so.

"Precisely, QUARTET NIGHT!" Shining exclaimed, a wide smile breaking across his face. "I had a hunch this would happen the day you all moved in with one another, and I was right all along! However," his face and voice turned grim again, "while the current living arrangements at Mr Kotobuki's residence may be suitable in the short-run, I doubt that they will suffice in the long-run."

"Hmm..." Camus frowned, starting to fathom where Shining was taking this conversation to.

"Mr Kurosaki and Mr Mikaze's bedroom is the living room and their beds are sofas," Shining continued, folding his arms. "I am completely aware that this was a unanimous decision amongst all five of you, but this would not be appropriate if you are permanently living together. Moreover, as large as Mr Kotobuki's apartment realistically is, I am more than certain that it would be much, much better if you all had more space to move around, store your belongings and such."

Camus nodded in solemnity, noting that the senior did have undeniably valid points.

"Therefore, after months of planning, I have found the perfect residence for the five of you to live in!"

Shining gestured at the apartment behind him and grinned widely.

"Starting today, the five of you shall be living in a condominium here in this complex! So follow me and I will show you all your new home. Oh and before you all fret about the price, you all have more than enough money to afford it together so not to worry and do feel free to enjoy!"

Reiji and Natsuki smiled encouragingly at Ai, Camus and Ranmaru, their eyes glistening under the winter sun. Ai nodded with a small smile while Ranmaru scratched the back of his head and sighed, his heterochromatic eyes clearly asking, _Do we even have a choice?_ Camus shook his head with an amused smirk as Ai, Natsuki and Reiji laughed and nodding, Ranmaru sighed and despite how much he disapproved of Shining's absurd plans on a daily basis, smiled. And so the five of them trailed behind their senior, entering what was guaranteed to be their new accommodation, regardless of their boss' unorthodox means of causing this particular one of being it and not to mention, without their initial consent.

Perhaps this would be their most peaceful encounter with Shining's unorthodox ideas, with all due respect.

"And before you enter your new home, I have one last thing to tell you!"

Pressing the number 25 in the elevator, Shining turned to them and grinned.

"While you were away on the party bus, I got the movers to come over to your old home to move all your belongings here! So when you enter, you'll see all your precious things in boxes ready to be unpacked!"

"What?" Ranmaru shrieked as Ai facepalmed and Natsuki and Reiji stared in pure disbelief, the metal doors sliding to a firm close in front of them. As Shining guffawed loudly, Camus closed his eyes and shook his head, knowing that he should have anticipated this considering how farcical their boss was.

_Unbelievable._

"No need to thank me, Mr Kurosaki! I knew you all would approve of the plan, so I thought it'd be a brilliant move to get ten steps ahead! And don't worry about anyone rummaging through your personal belongings; I made sure to supervise every mover very closely."

"That's not the freaking point and you know it! Ugh, I'm so freaking done."

"Of course you are! All you have to do is-"

"That's not what I meant!"

Ranmaru Kurosaki

_Today was not at all what I thought it'd be. Not even freaking close._

Ranmaru heaved out a sigh, leaning back against the soft blue sofa.

_But it was a good day. Good and significant and colourful._

After a whole day of epic craziness, spinning emotions, and wild surprises, he was finally able to relax in a place that he never expected to ever live in. Shining had shown them around the condominium and as much as he was as eccentric as he was ridiculous everyday, he sure knew the group's taste in furnishing and had decent taste himself. As the Shining Agency head had stated from the very beginning, the condo was huge, even larger than Reiji's apartment. And it was a really warm and comfortable place to be in. Upon entering the condo, they could see a spacious living room with a rectangular glass table surrounded by twinning purple and blue sofas and red and brown armchairs. The entire wall behind the purple sofa was made of glass, overlooking the city and its shapes and colours and granting a magnificent view of the sky's infinite blue expanse, while the surrounding walls were Prussian blue with star imprints with the theme colours of each QUARTET NIGHT member. To the right of the entrance door, there was a kitchen and the dining room, both which were also well-furnished with QUARTET NIGHT colours and bright with white fluorescent lamps that also illuminated the living room. 

As though the condominium was not fitting enough as it already was, Shining led the five of them to the bedrooms and further proved that he did not just know them as idols, but as people. There were four bedrooms in total, with one of them in particular being for two people while the other three were single bedrooms. Before opening the mahogany door to the sole shared bedroom, Shining turned to them and asked which two members of the group wanted to share a bedroom with each other. Without a moment of hesitation, Ranmaru, Ai and Camus looked at Natsuki and Reiji with knowing smiles and facing each other, the two cheerful members of the band smiled brightly and held hands, saying that they would love to continue rooming with each other. Laughing loudly, Shining stated that he knew it, and he opened the door, revealing that he had thus gotten the two-man bedroom furnished to Natsuki and Reiji's liking while he had adapted the three single bedrooms to Ranmaru, Ai and Camus' respective preferences, much to everyone's pure surprise, satisfaction and gratefulness. So after they had looked around the condo, the five of them, after a serious discussion, all agreed to purchase the condo and move in to their new home together.

So now, after a few hours of moving their belongings from the cardboard boxes and rearranging everything, all five of them were able to relax in their new home, a home that was truly home because the five of them were here with one another, just like they would always be. With his legs laid over the length of the blue sofa, he smiled with genuine contentment as he watched the sun slowly and silently sink down the horizon, its fading glow painting the canvas of the sky in a tender yellow, orange and pink like gentle flames against the river of time and memories.

_I may not have expected to be here or come as far as I have, but am I happy I did?_

His heart was pulsing steadily in his chest, loud and vibrant like a melody that would live on no matter what, and his lips parted into a slight grin.

_Sure am. And without a single shred of regret. And here, in this home that I share with the four people that I can wholeheartedly call 'family', I have finally completed it._

He looked down at the music sheets on his lap and his lips curved a bit more.

_A song that never would have existed without them._

"Maru-chan, can you please sing your song again?"

"Again?" Ranmaru asked, his eyes widening as he turned to stare at Natsuki, who was carrying a teapot and matching teacups on a tray with a bright smile along, and Reiji, Ai and Camus were with him too. "Didn't I just debut it to you lot an hour ago?"

"Ya got that right, but we love your song, Ran-Ran!" Reiji responded, smiling happily as he plopped down beside Ranmaru and slung an arm around him. "Seriously! None of us expected you to write a ballad this time, and it's a pure masterpiece! So of course we wanna hear you sing if again if you don't mind. Even if it means that Nattsun and I will cry listening again."

"Yeap," Natsuki agreed, smiling gently.

"The sincerest songs are the most beautiful of them all, after all," Ai remarked, taking a seat beside Natsuki and Camus on the purple sofa across from Reiji and Ranmaru. He smiled slightly. "It is a genuinely heartfelt song, and the fact that you were the one who created it makes it more special to all of us."

"Can you truly deny this request, Kurosaki?" Camus inquired with a teasing smirk.

"The whole lot of you..." Ranmaru shook his head in utter disbelief. "Un-freaking-believable..." But even as he sighed, he gave them a light grin. "But ya got me there. Just let me set up my bass and you'll be hearin' the melody again in no time."

"You know you love us, Ran-Ran," Reiji remarked with a wide smile.

"Oh shut up, Reiji."

As they all laughed and Natsuki began pouring the tea that he just brewed, Ranmaru mentally recalled the song that he had finished and just played to them an hour ago. He was used to making and singing loud, burning and passionate rock-oriented solo songs, so he had not initially planned or expected this particular song to be much softer and serene than his usual style, but here it was: a gentle ballad woven by the memories, emotions and thoughts that had broken and warmed him on the inside, glimmering with vivid colours and imagery that could exist and live on within him because of them who loved and embraced him for who he was in their own unique and sincere ways.

Glowing with the reason that he could not only accept the way he was, but to also _be proud_ that he was who he was, regardless of anything. And that was why the song could not have a more fitting title than "Be Proud", two simple but meaningful words that all that he conveyed within the lyrics and melodies linked back to. He used to hate himself, especially the kind of person he used to be in the past, but now, thanks to the people who stayed by his side no matter what, he could, with all honesty, believe that he was truly able to love and be loved, able to receive kindness and be kind, all of which were what anyone and everyone would want and he was infinitely grateful that he could give and receive.

_I am burning but not in ashes. Independent but not alone. Tough but not unkind. Knowing myself without hating myself. Smiling without faking it. Laughing without forcing it. Able to give, able to receive. Able to protect not only me, but us._

He positioned the bass guitar in his hands as the colours of the sunset remained, still persisting even as the night slowly drew closer like a curtain call.

_I cried the first time I played this song for you and you won't get it out of me this time, but..._

Raising his head up, Ranmaru looked at Reiji, Natsuki, Ai and Camus, all who were smiling as they waited for him, and gave them a warm smile from his heart.

_The tears will always be intertwined with this song, for those are the tears that had fallen from the heart that can now smile because of you, and that... I'll never forget. Neither will I ever be ashamed of it, and you know it as much as I do. All of you._

_"So I don't run away from believing,_

_So I can be glad of loving,_

_You taught me to share_

_Both pain and weakness_

_I'll embrace... Our eternal days"_

\- "Be Proud", by Ranmaru Kurosaki (Suzuki Tatsuhisa)


	53. First Kiss

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Eto... how... do I do this...?"

Natsuki whispered under his breath, his eyes lowered to the script shown on his phone screen.

"How... do I kiss her?" he asked himself softly, completely unsure how to do this.

It was a bright winter morning, just a few days after the five of them rode the party bus and moved into their new home. Natsuki had woken up earlier than he intended, unable to fall back asleep, only to check his inbox and find an email saying that he and the rest of his band had been chosen to star in a new romance drama, with him being chosen to be the main male protagonist. Shocked that he got chosen for the role, with a cup of freshly-brewed rose tea, Natsuki had immediately downloaded the script and gone through it in the living room, and worry coursed through him when he discovered that he had to kiss the female lead on the lips.

He had never kissed anyone on the lips before.

Neither had he dated anyone.

And based on the script, the main male protagonist was experiencing both for the first time.

So staring at the script, he knew that he truly, truly had to practise if he wanted to do well for everyone, for he was going into this with not even a single bit of experience.

"Eto... so... first... she grabs me by the collar of my shirt and pulls me closer..."

Getting more and more nervous by the second, he grabbed the collar of his own white shirt and jerked himself forward, causing himself to stumble. And as soon as he was done, he gulped, unsure he was doing any of this correctly.

"And then... she kisses me first..." he uttered softly, reading what was written on the script, "and I stare at her with eyes filled with shock and within a few seconds, recover and kiss... her... back, closing my eyes, tilting her chin, angling my head... deepening... the kiss... How... do I 'deepen' a kiss? How do I angle my head... let alone kiss properly...?"

Recalling what the script told him to do, Natsuki reached out into empty air, tried to pretend that he was holding a girl's chin - even though he had no clue whether he was holding it right, which he probably was not - and closed his eyes, trying to imagine the scene, hoping to properly picture what was supposed to happen and thinking maybe it would all fall into place and-

"Pfft!"

The sound of someone spitting out their drink startled him out of the awkwardness of the moment. Blinking in shock, Natsuki spun around, only to find Ranmaru staring at him with his jaw dropped, his heterochromatic eyes wide with what could only be pure _terror_ , and Natsuki could barely bring himself to let out a few awkward chuckles before greeting the older male. "Eto... good morning, Maru-chan. Um... how long were you there?"

"Long enough to be horrified!" Ranmaru exclaimed, clutching a cup of water in his hand as he briskly walked over to Natsuki, shaking his head rapidly. "What do you think are you freaking doing, kiddo? Of all the many things I wanna see when I first wake up in the morning, _that_ \- whatever that was - is not it!"

"I was trying to practise my acting for the romance drama that we all just got chosen to star in," Natsuki explained, rubbing the back of his neck with an apologetic smile. "The email was already there when I woke up and um... my character has to kiss someone on the lips and I have not had my first kiss before so I don't really know what to do."

Ranmaru's eyes slowly widened in even more horror and Natsuki hesitated before speaking again.

"Um..." his heart faltered in his chest, "have you had your first kiss, Maru-chan?"

"Uh, I- Oh God..." Ranmaru facepalmed hard, shaking his head, and Natsuki was starting to worry even more. "You know what? Gimme a bit, Natsuki." Natsuki slowly nodded and Ranmaru stormed over to the door to Reiji and Natsuki's shared bedroom and much to his pure shock, started banging on the wooden surface with his fist. "Reiji! Reiji, you fedora-loving sleepyhead! Wake up! We have a freaking emergency and we need all hands on deck for this one, so get out of bed before I drag you out of there myself!"

"Maru-chan," Natsuki began, his worry amplifying with his heartbeat, "it's okay to let Rei-Rei sleep-"

"No, it's not!" Ranmaru exclaimed, shooting Natsuki a look of disbelief as he strode over to the next door. "In fact, he ain't the only one who needs to be awake for this." He started banging on the door and this time, it was even louder than earlier. "Oi, ice prick! You ain't gettin' any more beauty in your beauty sleep, so get up and over here _right now_!"

Ranmaru was about to head over to Ai's bedroom, only for the door to open and allow the teal-haired boy to step out into the commonplace, his eyes narrowed slightly. "Before you proceed to cause any more disruption, I have been awake for ten minutes doing my personal research when I heard you pounding your fist against other bedroom doors."

Ai turned and his face softened when he saw Natsuki.

"Good morning, Natsuki. Can either of you please explain why Ranmaru is being disruptive early in the morning?"

"You make it freaking sound like it was unneeded, but like I yelled, this is a freaking emergency and we need everyone in this crazy group for this!" Ranmaru exclaimed, glaring at Ai as two more bedroom doors opened, revealing a scowling Camus and a sleepy Reiji. Once everyone was gathered in the commonplace, Ranmaru scowled and spoke through gritted teeth.

"Now. Before any of you ask me what is freaking going on _or_ try and lecture me, here's the train wreck. We have all been chosen to star in that romance drama we talked about yesterday and of _all_ the people that they had to choose to do a kiss scene-" he jabbed a finger at Natsuki, whose eyes widened "- they picked the one person among the whole lot of us who has _not_ had his first kiss before."

Reiji and Ai slowly widened their eyes in pure surprise and realization while Camus frowned deeply, and Ranmaru cursed, clenching his fist as he shook his head again.

"So now will you spare me the freaking lecture," Ranmaru demanded, his tone rising, "and help us prevent this from being a bloodshed of innocence?"

Ai Mikaze

Ai had not expected the morning to begin this way, but considering the lack of predictability of life, especially with this unconventional quintet, it could not be helped. However, despite initially being annoyed that his research had been audaciously disrupted by unprecedented yells and knocks on the other side of the wall, Ai understood why the early congregation was necessary. Romance was not something that could be learned merely by sifting through articles or books or conducting extensive research. The given definitions from the dictionaries sounded relatively simple, but were too vague and did not truly give an understanding that covered every aspect of the term itself.

Dates, kisses, flowers, serenades, flirting and all those other confusing topics...

Love... in the romantic aspect...

Ai would be dishonest if he said that he did not overheat upon being introduced to the various aspects of romance, especially when he was already uncertain and confused about his own emotions as it was back then. No matter how much he read up on the different kinds of dates, kisses and expressions of affection, the research materials only brought him more questions than answers. Therefore, he was absolutely certain that he, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus were going to take quite the amount of time to teach Natsuki, who was 100% oblivious to how romance worked, the various aspects of the intricate theme. After everyone had woken up - with Reiji and Camus being abruptly jolted out of their sleep courtesy of Ranmaru - all five of them had prepared for the day by getting ready and having breakfast before gathering in the living room with the script downloaded in their respective mobile phones and cups of hot rose milk tea on the glass coffee table. 

_Besides the complications in regards to Natsuki's clueless innocence, everything else is relatively simple, with all of us playing characters that perfectly match our actual, normal selves in terms of personality. Our five characters are described to be a quintet of best friends since childhood, with every member of the group being extremely distinct from one another in just about every aspect. And the first part of this romance drama centres around all of them aiding the most innocent of the group, Naoki (portrayed by Natsuki), in his first experiences with romance. In the first scene, they are all seen in their shared apartment, with one bedroom being shared by the characters played by Natsuki, Reiji and me and the other being shared by-_

"So for this whole freaking drama, I am sharing a room, as well as a _bed_ , with _Camus_?"

Ranmaru jabbed a finger straight at Camus, his heterochromatic eyes filled with utter horror.

"Whose big idea is _this_? I know that this is also a comedy, but the scriptwriter must be freaking insane!"

"You know, if they are making you two sleep on the same bed," Reiji commented, smiling widely, "they may end up writing out a cuddling scene for the two of you!" His grey eyes glimmered with cheekiness as Ranmaru choked on his tea. "Wouldn't that be really sweet, Ran-Ran?"

"Please do not put that disturbing image in our minds, Kotobuki," Camus stated, giving Reiji an icy glare as Ranmaru coughed violently. "Being coerced to sleep on the same bed is already as onerous as it sounds; please do not induce any further distress by suggesting that devastating possibility."

"But you two would be so cute together!" Reiji exclaimed.

"Absolutely not."

"But-"

"Shut up!"

"Other than this unprecedented detail of the drama and the complexities of romance, based on everything that I have read," Ai interrupted before the quarrel could escalate any further, "there is no issue with the rest of the given script, with all five of us having the primary advantage of our respective characters mirroring our normal selves." He turned to Natsuki, who sat between him and Reiji, and smiled faintly. "So if there are no more complaints, we can proceed to handling the main issue of this romance drama."

"Yeap, Ai-Ai is right!" Reiji agreed, nodding in agreement as a bright smile flashed across his face. "This is not just any romance drama, but the romance drama where our dear, precious Nattsun will have his first kiss!" Turning to Natsuki, Reiji wrapped an arm around him and beamed. "Nattsun, we know that you are very new to this and really nervous, but you don't have to worry about a thing! Ran-Ran, Myu-chan, Ai-Ai and big bro Rei-Rei will be with ya every step of the way! So by the time the day of filming comes, you'll be able to nail all the romance scenes, including the kiss scene, with flying colours!"

"And we'll be sure to whack Reiji on the head if he happens to say anything near perverted," Ranmaru added with a light grin.

"Hey!" Reiji exclaimed.

"Rest assured that you are in good hands, Shinomiya," Camus stated with a slight smile, ignoring Reiji's protests. His ice-blue eyes turned serious as he stroked his chin. "However, before we begin, I believe that an evaluation on how much knowledge you have on the theme of romance is necessary so that we know where precisely to start."

"Yeap," Natsuki agreed, smiling gently as Reiji and Ai nodded at the same time.

"With that bein' said, there's somethin' I'd like to know," Ranmaru added, crossing his arms. He frowned with puzzlement in his heterochromatic eyes. "You've been in romance-themed dramas before, haven't you?" Natsuki silently nodded in confirmation and Ranmaru's frown deepened. "So how on actual earth have you _not_ had your first kiss? Just what kind of roles did those morons give you, kiddo?"

"Eto..." Natsuki pressed his finger against his phone, his eyes filled with deep, uncertain contemplation, "I'll try to recall and check what my roles were last time."

Tightening his arm around Natsuki, Reiji scooted and leaned closer to the sunshine blond while Ai peered down at the phone screen, silently formulating his own thoughts. As coarse as his language was, Ranmaru did have a logical point. If romance dramas, movies or series wanted a fresh face for their main protagonist, Natsuki was vividly a suitable fit. Not only was he youthful and bright, but his natural kindness, pure heart and compassion that shone in his personality and his glistening green eyes allowed him to be easily fit to be a pure-hearted and innocent male protagonist experiencing love for the first time, one whom viewers would love to cheer for and who would become a fan favourite. Thus, Ai personally was curious and puzzled himself as to how and why Natsuki was only given the role that required lip-kissing now.

"Oh, I remember that drama! You played one of my favourite characters and you... e-erm..."

As though remembering an excruciating memory, Reiji's grey eyes slowly widened in terror.

"The day the last episode was released..." Reiji visibly paled as he chuckled awkwardly, "... you and your character... made all us viewers cry... A whole lot... y-ya know."

"What freaking role was that?" Ranmaru exclaimed, cursing as his expression grew terrified, and Ai felt the concern intensify in his chest as Camus narrowed his eyes grimly.

"In that drama, my character's personality was so much like me," Natsuki recalled softly, smiling a little. "He managed to confess to the main girl during one rainy day, but she then ran away out of fear and he ran after her. And after that..." he lowered his eyes, wincing slightly, "... he pushed her out of the way of a moving car and... got run over himself."

"Oh God..." Ranmaru paled as Ai shook his head, the latter's concern only growing with each revelation. "What else did those dimwits give ya?"

"The other romance-themed roles I got were..." Natsuki paused for a few seconds, his eyes thoughtful, "the boy who nearly kissed the girl only to be pushed away by the main boy, his best friend, who then kissed her instead..."

"E-Eto..." Reiji smiled awkwardly, stroking the side of his cheek.

"The guy who likes the same girl as his best friend but never made a move or confessed his feelings even once because he wanted the two of them to be happy..."

"I am starting to see a gut-wrenching pattern here..." Camus mused grimly.

"The main character's best friend who gives advice to him but spends most of his time watching romance movies in the hospital while his cancer is being treated-"

"Those directors just _love_ giving your characters tragic fates in romance!" Ranmaru exclaimed before Natsuki could finish, appalled as he smacked a palm against his own face. "No freaking wonder you haven't had your first kiss! They love throwin' ya into roles when the guy either nearly gets his first kiss or never had much of a chance to!" He shook his head rapidly at Natsuki. "And before you even dive even deeper, I can freaking bet that all those characters are basically the kind, clueless and innocent type who get trashed on by fate and other characters alike! And I'm right, ain't I?"

"In other words, roles of characters whom viewers are meant to cheer on with smiles and tears alike."

"Exactly!" Ranmaru yelled, jabbing a finger at Ai. He slumped back against the sofa. "These directors and scriptwriters enjoy being sadists for a living, huh?"

"Well, it did attract more viewers and therefore, more revenue," Camus remarked, taking another sip of his rose milk tea.

"Well yeah, but still, what on freaking-"

"In conclusion, we need to start from the very basics of romance," Ai stated, scrolling down the downloaded script in his lilac mobile phone. "This romance drama that the five of us are to appear in will be the first one in which Natsuki plays a character who has to directly experience romance rather than support or observe others' romance endeavours. And we only have 4 days before filming begins, so we need to ensure that our sessions are effective and efficient. So Natsuki, I would like to start by having you answer this crucial question."

He wrapped his hand around Natsuki's own and looked into the blond's pair of innocent green eyes.

"Natsuki, do you know what a date between two people in a romantic relationship comprises of?"

"A date..." Natsuki repeated softly, a contemplative look emerging in his green eyes as silence overtook the formerly-chaotic atmosphere. "The couple goes to places together, like cafes, libraries or any other place that makes them both happy. They chat, smile, laugh, often share many warm hugs... and they kiss too and give gifts at times." A soft smile tinged his lips. "They do many things and make sure that both of them are happy, right?"

"Yeap, you got that right, dear Nattsun!" Reiji responded, beaming as he pulled Natsuki into a half-hug and Ai nodded with a faint smile. "And that's exactly how your character's first date will go too! He'll do what he can to make sure that his date, the main girl, is having fun too! And his four bros will be spying from afar makin' sure all goes well! Supportin' him, exactly like how we all have your back!"

"Guess observin' did ya some favours, kiddo," Ranmaru commented with a lopsided grin. "Though your thoughts are still way on the innocent side, this will do, especially considerin' that your character is as innocent as you in real life in terms of this stuff."

"According to the script, your character, Naoki, will have his first date with his fellow schoolmate from his music class," Ai proceeded, recalling the prime details of the plot. "As unusual as it is for a new romance drama, they will feature the first kiss at the beginning of the first episode as a tease of future events, so they will undoubtedly film this portion of the drama on the very first day of filming. This brings us to the second important question."

Ai poured more tea into Natsuki's teacup and gave it to him, having sensed the faltering of his heartbeat when his fingers made contact with his best friend's wrist.

"Natsuki, what do you know about kissing? Specifically kisses on the lips?"

"E-Eto-"

"Close to nothing, that's for sure!" Ranmaru yelled out, shaking his head repeatedly as Natsuki rubbed the back of his own head with an awkward smile. "Why do you think was I panicking back when I banged on your doors? I saw him practising that scene and you'd be mortified yourselves if the whole lot of you saw how he tried to kiss the air. It was way worse than my first kiss and considering how much I still _cringe_ at my own memory of it, that's sayin' a lot!"

"Could you elaborate?" Camus requested, a sly smirk curling on his lips. "We would very much appreciate the details."

"Camus, if you freaking dare-"

"Maru-chan did say that all of you guys have had your first kiss before," Natsuki recalled, smiling lightly at everyone. "If you have kissed in dramas or movies before, is it okay if we watch your kiss scenes? Maybe it can help me learn more about how to k-"

"Anything but my first kiss!" Reiji cried out, squeezing Natsuki tightly. "Anything but that, please, Nattsun! My first kiss on television was super, super embarrassing! And not to mention, if we're all doing that, we gotta filter which kiss scenes we show ya too, 'cause, ya know... there are times when kisses lead to other stuff and the show implies such stuff. Err... stuff that you're still too pure to understand yet."

"Like what, Rei-Rei?" Natsuki tilted his head to one side, as confused as he was clueless. Ranmaru facepalmed and glared at Reiji, who chuckled nervously as Camus and Ai all sighed at the brown-haired leader and Natsuki attempted to make a guess. _You are truly terrible, Reiji._ "More kissing?"

"Well..." Reiji spoke awkwardly, clearly aware of the warning looks being pierced at him, "yes and more."

"Cuddling?"

"There can be that, but that's not what I'm referring to."

"Hugging?"

"That's still innocent too."

"More dates?" Natsuki asked, his voice getting more and more confused by the second as Ranmaru buried his face into his palm and Camus shook his head with grimness evident on his face. Natsuki was facing Reiji when his eyes suddenly widened with pure shock and worry. "Rei-Rei...? Rei-Rei, you're... crying-"

"Nattsun!"

"R-Rei-Rei?"

"Our sweet, precious Nattsun!" Reiji cried out, wrapping his arms around Natsuki tightly as he sniffled and sobbed. "Our warm, pure boy who has kept his innocence as innocent as it can be all this time even as he grows up with us, and... he'll have his first kiss in a romance drama and we'll all be there to watch it unfold before our very eyes! All while not knowing what we know about how dirty the world of romance can be... You're so precious, you know... that my heart can't take how it's overflowing."

Reiji tightened his arms around Natsuki as tears rolled down his cheeks.

"You're doin' us all proud, Nattsun. You're makin' us all so, so proud, ya know."

"I can't believe this..." Muttering the words aloud, Ranmaru was visibly stressed and incredulous as Ai rubbed his right temple and Camus slowly shook his head, with Natsuki's eyes wide open before easing into a warm smile as he returned the crying brunet's hug. The silver-haired rocker turned his head to face Camus and Ai and spoke again. "You see why we needed the wake-up-call in the morning? Romance is as overwhelming as it is freaking ridiculous! And look, now it's even got Reiji in tears!"

"After Reiji has calmed down from his emotional moment," Ai suggested as he ran a hand up and down Natsuki's back soothingly, a small smile formed in his own chest despite the absurdity of the situation, "let us divert the conversation from the topic of what kisses could lead to and focus on the theoretical knowledge on how kisses work instead. Natsuki had the right idea in terms of watching visuals of kisses on the lips. However, if that is not effective enough..."

Cupping his left chin with his palm, Ai looked at both Camus and Ranmaru.

"Would you be willing to volunteer to give us a demonstration?"

"Are you suggesting that _I_ kiss _Camus_?" Ranmaru shrieked, seemingly utterly mortified by the prospect as Camus nearly choked on his milk tea. "No way, Ai. No freaking, freaking way am I goin' anywhere near the ice prick and his lips!"

"I never mentioned that you two had to directly kiss," Ai stated bluntly as Natsuki and Reiji slowly pulled away from each other, although they held hands tightly. "I was referring to solo demonstrations of the movements involved in the activity of kissing, such as the tilting of the head, pressing of the lips and such."

"So you're suggesting that we kiss the air?" Ranmaru demanded, staring at Ai in terror.

"Oh, count me in, fellas!" Reiji chimed in, smiling brightly as he wiped the tears away from his eyes. "We can take turns doing the demonstration one by one! You, Myu-chan and me!" He blew a kiss in Ranmaru and Camus' direction and winked. "The three eldest bros of this group!"

"Kotobuki, you sincerely have no shame."

"Is that new?"

"Hey!"

"Why is he our leader again?"

"Ran-Ran!"

Camus

For majority of the morning, Camus, Ranmaru, Ai, Reiji and Natsuki rehearsed their parts for the romance drama while concurrently teaching the latter about the various aspects of this complicated topic known as "romance." The typical mayhem persisted over the hours, which was a norm when it came to this group, but despite the struggle, noise and chaos of the pandemonium, the five of them were surprisingly much more productive than Camus initially thought they would be. After the first few major tribulations of romance had passed - with Ranmaru's vehement refusal to demonstrate air kisses - they had come to a consensus to carefully go over the basics of romance, dates and kisses in general, and being the keen listener and learner he was, Natsuki managed well. Following that, they had discussed the likelihood of their director, whom all of them had coincidentally worked with before, desiring impromptu additions and changes to the script, and knowing how this particular director often improvised scripts and welcomed impromptu acting during the filming itself, they agreed that they had to prepare should this occur.

And it was in this junction in which Natsuki's natural personality came through amidst his acting and worked as an advantage with it being a main part of his charisma.

"Can I... can I kiss you...?"

Natsuki rubbed the back of his head with a shy smile, his green eyes glistening faintly.

"I-It's okay if you don't want to, but... even the thought of it... is making my heart glow like stars, and that's... what a first kiss feels like, r-"

"So the rumours were true."

Having grabbed the younger blond by the collar of his white shirt, Camus tugged him closer and smirked, a myriad of thoughts occupying his head at this one fleeting moment as Natsuki let out a quiet gasp. He would sincerely have _much_ preferred to be one of the three who observed rather than temporarily play the role of the heroine for the sake of this activity, but due to losing in a brief round of rock-paper-scissors against Ranmaru, Ai and Reiji, he ended up having no choice but to comply. However, he had to demonstrate his prim professionalism - despite his dignity being on the line thanks to the absurdity of this role - and as embarrassing as this entire ordeal was, he could make absolute use of this practice to teasingly fluster the innocent sunshine blond during this new experience in romance, and so he would - wholeheartedly, for that matter. His lips curling slightly more, he leaned in and spoke into Natsuki's ear, lowering his voice.

"So it is truly your first kiss, Naoki." His voice was deep and low, baritone.

"Yeap, but-"

"No 'but's, love." Camus' smirk darkened as he pulled away to stare directly into Natsuki's eyes. "I recall that you were the one who initiated this dangerous phase, correct? And the fact that you have never had your first kiss only thrills me even more, much akin to the caramelising of a tender sweet, do you know?"

"So... Akari-chan..." Natsuki's eyes were wide with emotions, as surprised as they were pure with hope, "... you're okay... with us having a kiss... now?"

"Have I not made it clear?"

Chuckling, Camus smiled gently, placing his other hand on the back of Natsuki's head, and felt the younger blond softly place his hand on Camus' hand on his collar.

"Come closer, dear, and we shall-"

"Pfft!"

"... _Kurosaki_."

"No, don't stop, you two!" Ranmaru exclaimed amidst hysterical, ludicrous laughter, shaking his head as he guffawed loudly despite Camus' icy glare, burying his face into his palm as his shoulders trembled. "Camus, they should have given you the role of Natsuki's love interest; it would have been a freaking masterpiece! Just imagine: you and Natsuki going on dates, with you being the demanding and arrogant prick who has a soft spot for his lover and Natsuki being the bright, innocent one of the two - that's a legit power couple, alright! Camus and Natsuki... that's pure _genius_!"

"OMG, Myu-chan!" Reiji cried out, squishing Ai in his arms as his body shook with laughter. "We all knew you didn't wanna play the role of the girl in this practice, but you looked so into it! Nattsun, big bro Rei-Rei's super proud of you for standing your ground as the shy, pure protagonist! It really looked like you and Myu-chan were the right fit! But seriously-" he was momentarily cut off by his own laughs "-Ran-Ran's right; Myu-chan should have been cast as the love interest!"

"... Shinomiya. Do you know a prime advantage of being as naive and innocuous as you are in regards to romance?"

"Nope, what is it, Myu-chan?"

"The fact that you are not drunk on asinine possibilities like these two imbeciles."

"Eto..." Natsuki smiled awkwardly as Camus focused his glare on the two aforementioned imbeciles and Ai sighed with a small smile, "but... did I do okay, Myu-chan?"

Despite his utmost irritation towards the two extroverts of this colourful quintet, Camus turned to Natsuki and gave the younger blond a faint smile.

"Like I previously stated, you are in good hands. And so with that added with your willingness to learn and natural talent, you have vastly improved and thus, did a job well done, Shinomiya. If this progress remains as consistent as it is, you will be very much prepared for the filming. I am absolutely sure of it."

Natsuki beamed brightly at Camus and much to the latter's surprise, pulled him into a tight hug.

"Thank you, Myu-chan!"

Camus initially stiffened, but with a quiet chuckle, he smiled and reciprocated the gesture of affection by placing a firm hand on the gentle blond's back as his ears noticed that Reiji and Ranmaru's laughter was gradually simmering down. Through the multifarious practices, the five of them made the discovery that as oblivious as he was in terms of countless parts of romance, including the less-than-innocent junction that a foolish Reiji nearly divulged about earlier - Natsuki was actually quite impressive when he was required to improvise and adjust to changes in the script. They had all advised him to be natural and simply be himself; the main protagonist, Naoki Sato, was almost identical to Natsuki himself, so if Natsuki could channel his true personality in the character with deep brilliance, then there was definitely no issue. And with his natural sentimentality and creativity, after a few moments of initial struggle, he was flawlessly able to ad-lib as required when they all chose various parts of the script to act out.

_"Rai-chan, why is the starlight described to make things more romantic? Is it because of how it sparkles and sheds innocent light onto beautiful love? As pure and white as it is? I don't know why, but the one thought of how beautiful it is... makes me so happy."_

With his love for the stars and constellations being brought out to the open, in that particular scene where he was supposed to converse with Reiji's character, Raiden, Natsuki was able to create those lines on his own without a moment of hesitation, fitting it seamlessly with the scene's sentimentality. As much as Camus would have truly appreciated it if Reiji or Ranmaru, preferably the latter, were to play the role of the female heroine to aid Natsuki in his next practice, he was at the very least satisfied, as well as relieved, that the practices and teachings had gone as smoothly as they had. As Camus and Natsuki pulled away from each other, the latter began to chat about their practice, remarking with a happy smile that Camus was amazing when he acted out the heroine's personality, and that was when he noticed that he had seemingly failed to fluster Natsuki nearly as much as he had aimed to.

 _To his credit, he is the person amongst all of us who seamlessly flusters others with sincere and bright compliments and remarks that he means from the heart, and he normally does not even notice that he_ is _in fact flustering them without trying to._

Camus remarked that he had indeed been attempting to catch Natsuki off-guard and fluster him, and he shook his head and chuckled when the younger blond smiled shyly and with the tilt of his head, laughed and commented that he did not notice at all, as expected.

_So if his co-star attempts to fluster him in the romance scenes... may she beware of this boy's cluelessness._

"Our dear, precious Nattsun's really gettin' the hang of it, isn't he?"

Reiji threw his arms around Natsuki from behind and smiled brightly and laughed when he heard his best friend squeak in surprise.

"We've got a whole bunch of romantics in this group and he, just like Ai-Ai, is definitely a sentimental romantic, alright!"

"Can't disagree with that," Ranmaru pointed out, grinning widely as he and Ai approached the three of them. "And if he could hold his ground when Camus was going all out like that, he's gonna be just fine, that's for sure!"

"I sincerely hope that the girl whom Natsuki gives his first kiss to is someone who is deserving of it," Ai mentioned, his lips easing into a gentle smile. "Based on my research, a first kiss is quite the significant event in most individuals' life, with the details often sealed into memory. Natsuki, we know that the girl whom you are to give your first kiss to on the set next week is a stranger, but we hope that she, at the very least, has a warm soul." 

His voice softened with his smile.

"You deserve to have a special first kiss, Natsuki, truly."

"Yeap," Reiji agreed, smiling gently as he wrapped his arm around Natsuki. "In this industry, we may not get to choose who we kiss on screen, but together, we're going to make sure that your first kiss will be as special as it can be, no matter who it is. Honestly, anyone would be super, super lucky to have the honour of being your first kiss 'cause you're a warm, pure soul with a kind, bright heart. Because you're you, Nattsun."

"And if the girl whom you have to kiss tries to mess with ya..." Ranmaru stated with a wide grin.

"You have us to eradicate her memory," Camus finished with a smirk, crossing his arms over his chest.

"He's got that right."

"Guys..." Natsuki's lips curved into a warm smile, pure emotions glistening in his green eyes. "Thank you. Thank you so much. To be honest, this experience is already really special as it is because you guys are all here with me." His eyes glistened brighter as he placed his hand on top of Reiji's on his shoulder. "So no matter what happens on the day of filming itself, this experience is already a bright memory in my heart, and it's because of you."

"Aww!" Reiji squeezed Natsuki even tighter, beaming brightly as Ai and Camus smiled. "That's our dearest, sweet Nattsun, alright!"

"Yeah, that's our kiddo, alright!" Ranmaru agreed, slapping Natsuki on the back of the head with a lopsided grin. He then looked around at everyone. "Now that we've finally made a whole bunch of progress on this romance drama, how 'bout we all take a break and go grab some grub? I'm personally starvin'."

"Now that you've mentioned it, me too, Ran-Ran!" Reiji laughed as he wrapped his arms around Natsuki and Camus. "All that practice sure took a lot out of all of us, alright! If you guys are up for it, how about we go to that new Italian restaurant that just opened a few weeks ago? The reviews said it was pretty good."

"Sure, Rei-Rei!" Natsuki cheered as Ai, Ranmaru and Camus nodded in agreement. Camus had searched it up himself just a few days ago and very much looked forward to trying their signature pasta and milkshake. "Let's all have a hearty and happy lunch there together!"

"Of course, dear Nattsun!"

"Afterwards, as previously agreed upon," Ai remarked as Reiji pulled Natsuki to their shared bedroom, the brunet presumably desiring to grab his car keys, "we need to practise the scenes in which Camus and Ranmaru are required to share a bed together." Ranmaru's eyes widened in horror as Camus sighed deeply, neither of them desiring to be reminded of _that_. "The two of you need to be accustomed to sharing one, especially with your current reactions towards the very idea of it. Which bed would you prefer to use for this segment?"

"Nattsun and I are the ones with the largest bed as it's meant for two people," Reiji commented as he pushed the bedroom door open, turning to grin at everyone as Natsuki nodded with a gentle smile, "so since Myu-chan and Ran-Ran are sharing a bed, our bed would be the best for them to get into character, right?" 

"... well, the more space the bed has, the farther I can be from the likes of Kurosaki."

"Yeah, ya got that right. So Reiji and Natsuki's bed it is."

"Wha- That's not the point!"

"Ehh? But Myu-chan, Maru-chan, if you are on the same bed together, why would you want to be far away from each other when you can hug and cuddle-"

"Stop! For the love of freaking rock, the whole lot of you are driving me insane!"

"That is quite the odd remark considering that you are blatantly the least sane amongst the five of us. By a substantial margin, might I add."

"And you shut it, sugar addict!"

...

"We have a new update in regards to our script."

"Please tell me that they decided to put me and Camus in two separate bedrooms." Ranmaru groaned, slumping back against his wooden chair as he threw his head back to stare up at the ceiling. "That'd be the best decision they ever made for this freaking romance drama."

"But putting you and Myu-chan in the same bedroom was the best-"

"No!"

"It appears that they merely made corrections to certain cast members' names," Ai said as Ranmaru growled at a playful Reiji and Camus set down his mug of the restaurant's signature hot mocha and Natsuki stirred his mug of hot rose latte. "There are no changes in the script itself, so quite frankly, you and Camus still need to share a bed in the drama."

Ranmaru slapped a hand against his own face as Camus sighed, whereas Reiji laughed and Natsuki smiled brightly.

"Unbelievable..."

"These ludicrous peasants..."

The five of them were seated at a rectangular, wooden table in a private room at the Italian restaurant, with Camus sitting on Ai's left and directly across from Natsuki. Deciding to begrudgingly accept this wretched fate of having to share a bed with this rock-loving dandelion head, Camus added yet another teaspoon of sugar, knowing fairly well that it was going to be mentally draining to practise the scenes with that particular horrendous detail. At the very least, he and the rest of QUARTET NIGHT were granted this momentary serenity amidst their lunch break, as imperfect as it was given the circumstances. As they awaited their meals to be served, Camus took another sip of the delectable drink and opened the email on his ice-blue cellphone, deciding to see for himself what the updates were.

With the fickle of hope that it would not aggravate matters, of course.

"I did have my personal suspicions, but it appears that now they have become actuality."

"What is it, Ai-chan?" Natsuki asked curiously, tilting his head in confusion as Ai narrowed his eyes.

Ai looked up from his lilac cellphone to face everyone. "Do you remember the two cast members that we did not recognize by name and I was unable to find on the Internet?"

"The main girl and our group's next-door neighbour, right?" Reiji inquired, stroking his chin with a thoughtful expression in his grey eyes.

"Yes, and do you recall what the neighbour's personality was?"

"Sure do. Flirty, teasing, annoying, likes spouting out innuendos and dirty jokes that threatens the main guy's innocence, whether subtle or-" Ranmaru froze, his heterochromatic eyes dilating in sheer horror. "No. No, you can't be freaking serious. That role... the person playing that role ain't-"

"The writers made a mistake and put the wrong names of those who would be playing the main heroine and our next-door neighbour on the list of cast members," Ai proceeded as Camus saw the changes on his own cellphone and let out a disbelieving sigh at fate. _This is deeply absurd._ "The person who is supposed to act as our flirtatious neighbour in the drama is not Hayama Todou, but Ren Jinguji." He sighed quietly as Natsuki and Reiji stared at him in pure surprise and Ranmaru cursed loudly. "If he is a definite cast member, Ren has a copy of the script as well..."

"Which means that that perverted fool is aware of Shinomiya's newest role and is most likely to insert himself into our current catastrophe," Camus finished, shaking his head as Ranmaru buried his face in his palms. He sighed with utmost disapproval. "He will only serve to worsen the chaos. Intentionally, for that matter."

"Ren-kun knows so much about romance, right?" Natsuki asked, smiling brightly as Ai rubbed his right temple and Reiji let out a few awkward chuckles. Ranmaru nearly spat out his drink at the sound of those words. Those clueless, optimistic words describing the orange-haired Casanova. "If he's in the romance drama as well, he can practise with us and we can help one another, right? After all, we're all friends!"

"No, Natsuki!" Ranmaru exclaimed, shaking his head incredulously as Reiji ruffled Natsuki's blond hair with a few light chuckles. "In terms of romance, Ren is the complete opposite of you! Not only is he a playboy and a Casanova, but he's also a pervert who has no problem with slipping in dirty jokes and pick-up lines here and there with how unfiltered his corrupted mind is like throwing flower petals all over the streets of Japan! So no! Let's not invite him over, Natsuki! Please-"

The door suddenly swung open and Camus immediately frowned as Ranmaru cursed.

"And of freaking course he's here too..."

"A wonderful afternoon to you too, Ran-chan, Shinomi, senpais," Ren responded, winking mischievously as he closed the door behind him. "I just happened to come here for lunch and a kind waitress recognized me and mentioned that the five members of QUARTET NIGHT were here too. I requested to be led to you guys and it appears that I came at just the right time."

Ren grinned as Reiji laughed and Natsuki beamed.

"All of you guys saw the latest update for our romance drama, right? Looks like I get to be part of the fun as well."

"The exit is more than welcome to accommodate your departure," Camus stated, his voice devoid of any humour, "so please do leave."

"You're cold, Baron." Ren pretended to sound hurt as he chuckled and stepped deeper into the room, making his way towards the empty chair on Ai's right. "How could I leave when the six of us have such a wondrous opportunity to work together in a romance drama? As a fellow romantic, it is my utmost pleasure to do all I can to charm the ladies out there through my acting, and what better way can there be to do that than to discuss the details with my five beloved friends from QUARTET NIGHT?"

Ranmaru made a strangled noise and Camus shook his head with an unamused sigh as Ren smirked and took a seat. The orange-haired saxophonist from STARISH turned and smiled at Natsuki.

"Shinomi, I saw that you will be the lead male protagonist of this drama and that role requires you to kiss." His eyes glimmered with curiosity. "Say, is that going to be your first k-"

"It is," Ranmaru yelled out before Natsuki could answer, glaring at Ren, "which is why the last thing we need is for you and your perverted brain to mess things up here!" He jabbed a finger at the amused kouhai. "We've spent all freaking morning working on the script and having lessons on romance; don't ruin our hard work with your lack of decency, you sly Casanova!"

"But Ran-chan, you are not innocent yourself-"

"And do I go throwing pick-up lines and innuendos all over the place like you do?"

"It's called the art of flattery, Ran-chan."

"Excuse me-"

"Ren, please do not add fuel to the fire," Ai spoke, quietly shaking his head. "As a self-professed romantic, I am sure you are aware of how complex and difficult romance can be. We are all attempting to ensure that Natsuki's first kiss is a pleasant experience and that he is more than prepared for the day. Therefore, please do not complicate matters for us."

"What makes you think I will, Aimi?" Ren asked with a mischievous grin.

"Ren, can you seriously shut up before I-"

"Nattsun, you look really tense. And afraid too."

At the sound of Reiji's words, Camus shifted his eyes over to Natsuki, who was staring down at his yellow cellphone, his green eyes filled with apprehension and fear. Squeezing his best friend on the shoulder, Reiji leaned closer and gave him a worried look as everyone quieted down. "What's wrong, Nattsun?"

"The girl..." Natsuki answered softly, raising his head up to face Reiji. "The one who is now supposed to be the main female protagonist in the romance drama. The one I'm supposed to kiss. I... I know her."

"Harumi Tanaka," Ai stated softly, his voice laced with concern. Natsuki nodded quietly as Ranmaru narrowed his eyes and Ren's eyes turned concerned. "She is a rather popular actress, having starred in numerous movies and dramas. What is your relationship with her, Natsuki?"

"She was my classmate in high school and..."

His lips twisted into a wince as his eyes tightened with pain, and an ominous feeling rose inside Camus' gut.

"She was also..." Natsuki confessed, his voice barely audible, "one of the people who tore my plushies with scissors and threw them all into the swimming pool before pushing me in too..."

"As if the directors couldn't be any more freaking ridiculous..." Ranmaru muttered aloud, cursing a few times as Camus felt his own expression turn grimmer as Ai quietly shook his head, with Reiji's grey eyes widened with worry and anguish. "I can't believe I'm freaking sayin' this, but if it means that Natsuki does not have to give his first kiss to that piece of trash, I'd gladly comply to having to share a bed with Camus in the drama."

"So would I." Sharing the same sentiments with his bickering partner, Camus nodded briefly, knowing that he himself were to be absolutely repulsed if he were the one who had to concede a kiss, let alone his first kiss, to a high-school tormentor who stooped lower than a human being should. And if he had his way, he certainly would _not_ allow his close friend to give up his first kiss to that unworthy imbecile.

"Shinomi... you were bullied during high school?"

Everyone immediately swivelled their heads around to face Ren, whose eyes were widened with surprise and concern. Camus frowned grimly. Ren was the only person in this room whom Natsuki never divulged the unpleasant details of his high school years to. It appeared that almost everyone had come up with the exact same thought as the atmosphere thickened with tension and apprehension, with both Ranmaru and Ai narrowing their eyes and Reiji's expression worried. Those memories of him being repeatedly tortured as a young boy were a recollection of something that brought deep pain to Natsuki even in the present, and Camus could vividly recall how tears had rolled down the younger blond's cheeks when he confided in the senpais about it. 

_As chaotic as our group was prior to this situation, if Shinomiya is not comfortable in regards to conversing about his past with you, Jinguji..._

Ren did not utter another word, clearly waiting for someone else to speak as he sensed the palpable shift in the atmosphere.

_We will not be humorous by even the slightest bit when we ensure your departure._

"It's okay if Ren-kun wants to stay."

As oblivious as he was in terms of romance and topics closely associated with it, Natsuki was extremely observant in regards to his friends and their emotions. With warmth glistening in his green eyes behind his black-framed glasses, he looked around at everyone and smiled earnestly.

"I know that Ren-kun won't do anything to hurt any of us and I trust him, so if you guys are okay it too, he can stay with us."

"If our dearest Nattsun's okay with it, I'm okay with Ren-Ren staying here too!"

Reiji draped an arm around Natsuki and beamed brightly.

"Whaddya say, Myu-chan, Ran-Ran, Ai-Ai?"

"No objections here," Ranmaru answered, crossing his arms behind his head as Camus and Ai nodded in agreement. "Like Reiji said, if Natsuki's got no issue with this, neither do the rest of us lot." He turned to Ren and his heterochromatic eyes narrowed. "But let me say this in advance. If you let any of this slip out of your perverted mouth to a single soul, I'll be sure to hunt ya down. And I ain't freaking kidding."

"I won't, Ran-chan," Ren assured his assigned mentor with a chuckle, a slight smile forming on his face. "And I mean it when I say that I'm glad to know that all of you trust me that much, just like when all of you senpais let me in on the plan to trap those who had hurt Shinomi last time."

"And as agreed upon, you did not utter a word about it until the plan had been realized," Camus remarked, adding another teaspoon of sugar into his mug of hot mocha. _Jinguji may be trustworthy enough, but him being present nevertheless will lead to amplified chaos_ , "not even to Aijima or Ittoki."

Ren smiled. "All of you were kind enough to trust me and I didn't want to ruin it. Moreover, like Bukky said back there, anything for our dear Shinomi." He turned to Natsuki and his eyes turned concerned. "But going back to what you mentioned earlier, you were bullied in high school, Shinomi? And the girl that you need to kiss in the drama was one of your tormentors then?"

Natsuki nodded, the light in his eyes dimming with sadness as his lips offered a weak smile. "Yeap, Ren-kun. She was one of the main people who hurt me then. I haven't seen her ever since I graduated and got into Saotome Gakuen, so I didn't think I'd see her again but... the script says otherwise."

Natsuki shook his head, lowering his eyes.

"But... for the sake of all of us, for QUARTET NIGHT, I'll do it," he spoke softly, his eyes tinged with sadness but nevertheless earnest. "If it means that I am doing my part as an idol and a member of QUARTET NIGHT, if this will help all of us, then it's okay if I give away my first kiss to her. Even if it'll be really painful, which I'm already afraid it will be, it's really okay."

He slowly raised his head and gave all of them a warm, gentle smile.

"Like I said before, these memories are already incredibly special because you guys are with me. And even though I'll give my first kiss to her, they will remain as special, because of all of you."

Camus, as calm and placid as he was on a regular basis, could not help but stare at Natsuki along with everyone else, sincerely incredulous towards how the latter was still placing all of them first amidst the inequitable absurdity of the given situation. Natsuki was more than willing to concede his first kiss, something that he could only give and have once in the entirety of his life, to someone who had broken him for years that he could never undo, if it would support everyone that he cared about. It was true that being dispassionate about the romance drama because of this detail could hinder his performance, but even taking that into account, Camus was still rather astounded that his close friend and band member was this selfless and considerate. And as moving Natsuki's sincerity was... it was also deeply heart-wrenching. 

Whispering Natsuki's name, Reiji, with his grey eyes filled with warm emotions that were simultaneously tinged with pain, pulled Natsuki towards him and hugged him tightly as Ai got up to approach them and place a hand onto the younger blond's shoulder, a soft but sad smile adorning the latter's features. Ranmaru shook his head with an agonized expression as Ren's face held a pained smile and Camus began to contemplate how to alleviate this experience. Natsuki agreeing to concede his first kiss this way did not mean that they could not do a thing to help him ensure that it was as painless as possible, which Camus knew all of them were definitely hoping to do, especially now that they were at this juncture. Natsuki and Reiji remained pressed close to each other even after breaking the hug and Ai placed a hand on the former's shoulder as Camus crossed his arms and decided that the sooner they had this discussion, the more time they had to alleviate this absurd situation for Natsuki's sake.

And so facing everyone, he spoke.

"Even though the actress whom Shinomiya has to concede his first kiss to cannot be eradicated in order to grant our wishes, I believe that we can still make the most of our time to ensure that the experience does not have to be nearly as abominable as it can potentially be."

Camus added another teaspoon of sugar into his mug as he proceeded, with everyone facing him now.

"One method would be to divert Shinomiya's attention from the fact that he is, in fact, having his first kiss with that unworthy peasant. Without sacrificing the depth and romance of the scene itself, of course." Ai nodded in agreement while Natsuki smiled faintly. "Does anyone have any suggestions?"

"Natsuki," Ranmaru spoke, turning to face the gentle blond, "for you, kissing just about anyone else is better than kissing that trash, right?"

Natsuki tilted his head in confusion. "Eto... 'anyone else' is too many people and some... may be worse people, right?"

"Actually, ya got a point there, so I'll just get straight to it." Ranmaru folded his arms. "So how about this? Instead of focusing on the fact that you are kissing that girl while you're doing it, just use your imagination and pretend that you are kissing Camus!"

"E-Ehh?"

" _Kurosaki_." His tone colder than ice, Camus glared at an unfazed Ranmaru as Reiji and Ren burst out laughing, Ai facepalmed, and Natsuki's eyes were widened in sheer shock and confusion. "Could you please come up with an _adequate_ suggestion? Because as absurd as your indecent mind can be, I am rather certain that you display genuine intelligence from time to time, and you suggesting that Shinomiya imagines that he is kissing me is one of the most foolish statements that I have ever heard from you, you rock-loving buffoon!"

"You were the one playing the role of the girl during our practice in the morning, Camus!" Ranmaru retorted, although he was beginning to smirk. _The insolence of this fool._ "So it makes sense that of all the people that he should imagine kissing him, considering that he isn't in love with anyone as of now, is you, ice prick!"

"Kurosaki," Camus threatened, gritting his teeth, "if you do not stop uttering those nonsensical words-"

"This idea will not be effective," Ai remarked, interrupting the argument, shaking his head. "Even the mere sound of the suggestion is already awkward as it is. Putting it into application will only hinder Natsuki's performance and cause him to struggle with his thoughts more than he already is, so this suggestion will not work."

Camus sighed as Natsuki nodded in agreement. "Thank you, Mikaze."

"But Ran-Ran has a point!" Reiji commented as he wrapped an arm around Natsuki and smiled brightly. Camus gave him an icy glare and the brunet immediately laughed. "No, I'm not talking about the part where Nattsun has to imagine Myu-chan! I am referring to the part about Nattsun focusing on another thought in order to distract him from the fact that he is kissing his ex-bully!" His expression turned thoughtful as he stroked his chin. "The problem is... he cannot divide his attention too much or the kiss scene will lose its emotions and intensity and thus, it'll fail. And not to mention, he will have to retake that scene until he gets it right, meaning that he'll give more kisses to her..."

"I have an idea, Shinomi, senpais," Ren spoke up and immediately, Camus, Ranmaru and Ai gave him suspicious looks. He laughed. "What? I have a contribution to make and it is worth considering. If we could, we would make sure that Shinomi's first kiss does not go to the actress, right?"

Natsuki and Ai nodded and Ren's grin widened, causing an ominous feeling to overtake Camus' gut as he frowned deeply. _Jinguji-_

"So how about during practice, I play the role of the girl and take Shinomi's first kiss instead? So that the kiss going to girl is not his fir-"

"No!"

Ranmaru was the first to yell in protest, glaring at Ren as a panicking Reiji shook his head rapidly and Ai sighed quietly. As unsurprised as Camus was as he glared at the shameless Casanova that he was the one to come up with such a suggestion - if it was even worthy of being called a suggestion - he was still rather appalled that Ren could say it aloud with a smile. Beside Reiji, Natsuki was staring at Ren in pure shock and disbelief, blood rushing through his cheeks, and Camus mentally facepalmed at the Casanova's absurdity. 

_Now I am questioning why we did not ensure your departure when you first set foot into this room._

"Are you freaking kidding me?" Ranmaru exclaimed, grabbing a fistful of his own silver hair, as agitated as he was furious. "Just because we don't want him to give his first kiss to his bully, it does not mean that he's gonna give it to you, you dimwit!"

"But I can promise all of you that it'll be a better first kiss than she can give-" Ren started, smiling as he winked.

"That's not how this works, you flirt!"

"I have kissing experience and-"

"No!"

"Why does romance need to be this complicated and perplexing?" Camus overheard Ai mutter softly as the latter rubbed his right temple and the door opened and the waiters brought the main courses that all of the QUARTET NIGHT members had ordered before Ren's arrival. Letting out another laugh, Ren took the food menu and grinned as Ranmaru shot him a dirty scowl and Camus sighed again. Camus definitely made the right decision to place additional teaspoons of sugar into his drink as the time flew by; he was going to need every drop of energy he could have, and it was not just for the scenes in which he had to share a bed with Ranmaru. 

_At this rate, I am quite sure that I will need to order another drink. One with a high level of sugar, might I add._

Once the waiters had left, Camus asked Natsuki to pass him the drinks menu, which he gave with a light smile, and skimmed through it thoroughly, knowing that he was not only satisfying his own sweet tooth, but deeply needed it for mental and physical strength in dealing with the situation in hand.

_And once I receive it, I will add even more teaspoons of sugar, as required._

"If I am allowed to stay here..."

Ren's lips curled into a cheeky grin.

"Does that mean that I get to join practice too?"

Ranmaru could only smack a hand against his own face as Ai and Camus breathed out a heavy sigh and Natsuki and Reiji chuckled awkwardly.

_I shall also request for more sugar to be added into the drink in advance. And yet even that does not feel sufficient enough now that Jinguji is present. Mikaze, perhaps it is not only romance itself which is perplexing and complicated._

Camus pressed the Order button, mentally shaking his head repeatedly as Ranmaru's hand slid down his face.

 _It is the cast of individuals involved that determines the level of chaos potentially attained and with this quintet in addition to Jinguji... a pandemonium is not only guaranteed... but_ more _than guaranteed._

"Is it possible for Nattsun to maybe fall in love by the time this week ends?"

"I doubt that will happen, Reiji."

"How about we try blind dates, Bukky-"

"No, you dimwit!"

... the level of ridiculousness... was astonishing. Truly astonishing. Camus shook his head and began eating his truffle cheese pasta as Ranmaru shouted at a laughing Ren and Ai began a lecture about the lack of reliability of dating applications and the probability of chaos in blind dates, grateful that the restaurant was truthful in regards to this room being a "private" one, with the walls being soundproof enough to prevent outsiders from hearing the chaos engulfing the room.

When the waiter finally arrived to take his order, Camus smiled politely as he requested that they added as much sugar as they believed was still considered a healthy dosage. An understanding Natsuki added more teaspoons of sugar into the remainder of Camus' mocha and the Permafrost baron sighed with a slight smile, glad to be not the sole serene person in this room.

For now, that was.

Reiji Kotobuki

"So the meeting _still_ ain't done?"

"The staff members had not come to knock on the door, meaning that it has yet to conclude," Ai answered as Ranmaru slumped back against the backrest of the brown sofa. "This is strangely unprofessional of the director and scriptwriters. Having worked with this group before, I know for a fact that they are normally punctual and more than prepared to begin once everyone has congregated. So there may be an internal urgency happening amongst them."

"At least that kinda stalls us from needin' to film the scenes that we are definitely not looking forward to," Ranmaru remarked, cursing softly. "Though on the other hand, it'd be great to get them over with as soon as freaking possible."

"But either way, we all worked super, super hard to get ready for today," Reiji chimed in, giving everyone a light smile. "We practised so much for everything, even the ones that were not exactly the most painless for us."

Reiji turned to face Natsuki and his smile softened.

"But really, Nattsun... it was incredibly kind and selfless of you to be so willing to give your first kiss to that girl. If I were you right now, having seen her in person like that just now... I really wouldn't be nearly as calm as you right now. That's me bein' real honest."

It was the first day of filming the romance drama that they would be starring in. The five of them were all given a trailer of their own to wait in, and that was where they were, with Reiji, Ai and Camus sitting on the brown sofa and Natsuki and Ranmaru seated on the grey sofa across from them. While Ren was still on the way having finished a photo shoot later than expected, the five of them had arrived early and coincidentally ran into Natsuki's high school bully, Harumi, whom he would have to kiss onset. At one point in time, Natsuki had tried to be optimistic, saying that maybe she had changed and become a warm and kind person after all those years of not seeing her in person. However, once their eyes met, Harumi had smirked and taunted Natsuki, unveiling her callous, scornful self that she had hidden behind a polite, welcoming and cheerful facade that she showed to the staff members. 

_So am I the one who shall have the honour of being the first to kiss your lips, Natsuki-kun?_ she had mocked, laughing with a cruel smile. _Of course you haven't been kissed before. Who would want to kiss a weird loser who brings plushies everywhere he goes? Oh wait, do you still have plushies? As in, the ones that my friends and I didn't rip into shreds then?_

That had been more than enough to anger Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru, with Natsuki flinching at the sound of those cold words. Camus had placed an arm in front of Ranmaru to prevent him from storming over to the unchanged bully while Ai and Reiji held Natsuki and together with everyone else, stood up for him, stating that whether in real life or in the drama itself, she did not deserve to be anywhere near Natsuki. Honestly, Reiji had not only been angered, but sickened, especially when he looked into her arrogant and cruel eyes and saw that this girl was the person whom their kind and innocent Natsuki had no choice but to give his first kiss to. When the five of them walked away, Reiji had held Natsuki's shoulder tightly, his heart wrenching at cold reality.

Now in the trailer, Natsuki shook his head with a gentle smile, assuring Reiji that it was okay and that he was happy enough that he was with all of them, but that only broke the brunet's heart even more. Shaking his own head, Reiji pulled himself up with a pained expression and walked towards the other side of the trailer to give Natsuki a tight bear hug. However, just as he was about to reach his best friend, Reiji felt his leg bump against the leg of the wooden table and before he knew it, with a yelp slipping from his lips, he was falling forward and in less than a moment...

He felt a pair of lips under his own.

_Wait. No no no no no-_

His mind could hardly register the countless thoughts spinning around it as he found himself staring into a pair of dilated green eyes that were staring back at him in what could only be pure shock and disbelief and his heart was immediately overwhelmed in a flurry of panic as reality crashed upon him like stars onto the earth. _No no no! I... I didn't just... I just tripped and- No!_ Stumbling away, he could only gasp in horror as he slowly reached a hand up to touch his lips, knowing that the sensation tingling on their surfaces was vividly real, yet unable to truly grasp what he had just done to Natsuki. _I... I just..._

_I... I kissed Nattsun..._

Covering his mouth, Reiji could feel panic, guilt and fear surging through him all at once as Natsuki slowly touched his own lips with his index finger, his heart pounding unsteadily in his chest, the latter's green eyes still widened as they stared at him.

_I... I... I just stole... Nattsun's first kiss. Nattsun's one and only first kiss..._

"Reiji!"

Ranmaru shouted at the top of his lungs, staring at Reiji like he had gone mad.

"What did you just do? Of all the freaking things you could have done, kissing Natsuki was _not one of them_!"

"It was an accident!" Reiji cried out, waving his hands repeatedly as he shook his head rapidly. Still seated on the sofa, even the calm Ai and Camus were staring at him in pure disbelief. "My leg bumped against the table leg and then I tripped and accidentally kissed him when I fell! Oh God... oh God..."

Reiji swivelled around to face Natsuki, who still had yet to recover from the kiss, his first kiss.

"Nattsun, I am so s-"

Before he could finish stammering out his apology, Reiji was cut off mid-sentence by a knock on the door, which was then opened by a staff member. "The director would like to see all of you now." The staff member held the door open for them and thus, even though Reiji desperately needed to talk to Natsuki about what just occurred, he could not right now. Reiji felt Ranmaru push him towards the door as Ai, Natsuki and Camus followed them from behind, and he could feel himself falling deeper and deeper into his shame and guilt. They had all done everything that they could to make Natsuki's first kiss as special as possible, only for all of it to crash into flames the moment Reiji's lips fell onto Natsuki's. Trying to keep himself together, Reiji let out a shaky exhale as they all stopped at the area where all the other actors and actresses were gathered, with the director standing in front of everyone. Amongst them was Ren, who waved and approached QUARTET NIGHT when he saw them.

_Why..._

Reiji felt like hiding in a corner as he tried to remain calm, hoping that Ren did not notice that something had happened and ask about it.

_Why... is this happening?_

"I am deeply sorry that our meeting took much longer than we initially thought it would," the director, Mr Kagamiya, began after clearing his throat, his eyes scanning the people gathered in front of him. "But based on the results of this meeting, I have an important announcement to make, and my apologies in advance, but..."

He paused for a brief, unsettling moment.

"The script has been changed, and so have a number of roles."

Reiji's eyes dilated in shock as gasps rang from every direction.

"I apologize on behalf of the entire crew, but due to some arguments amongst the scriptwriters, there are numerous changes in the script, and so we will be unable to film the drama this afternoon. Therefore, instead of the actual filming, we will be having a photo shoot of all of you who are playing in this drama, regardless whether your roles are changed or not. So if everything is clear, we will start with those whose roles remain unchanged, meaning that the people who are going first are the people playing main male protagonists."

Mr Kagamiya looked around until his gaze fell upon Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru, Ai and Camus.

"So right now, all five of you from QUARTET NIGHT are having your turns, starting from Shinomiya-san who is the main male protagonist of this drama, followed by Kotobuki-san, Mikaze-san, Kurosaki-san and Camus-san. Therefore, with that being said, we would like you to get onto the set right now, Shinomiya-san."

"Okay, Kagamiya-san!" Natsuki agreed, nodding slightly. He turned to Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru and gave them a bright smile. "I'll do my very best, guys!" Waving at them, Natsuki walked briskly towards the set, which was a timeless garden with flowers of vivid colours such as white, yellow, pink and lilac, his green eyes bright and innocent as always, and Reiji felt even more guilty thinking of how his best friend was feeling right now. 

_If the filming of the drama was cancelled... that means that Nattsun... did not have to kiss anyone at all today..._

Standing a few metres away from the set, Reiji felt his heart drop as reality sank more and more like waves, thumping loudly and unsteadily.

_And yet I... I just took away... his first kiss..._

"Ah, so Shinomi does not have to give away his first kiss today after all."

Ren sighed with a smile on his face, and Reiji could barely conceal the impact that those words had as they struck his gut.

"But either way, he's definitely ready to do the kiss scene when he has to." He looked at Reiji, Ranmaru, Ai and Camus and grinned. "Wouldn't you agree, senpais?"

Thankfully, Camus was fast enough to save Reiji from answering Ren by giving a smooth, confident answer himself as Ranmaru folded his arms and Ai nodded. Ai turned to Reiji and placed a hand on his back, his teal eyes soft with understanding. Reiji smiled faintly as he squeezed Ai on the shoulder and all of them watched Natsuki converse with the director, a light smile on the latter's face. The four senpais definitely could not discuss about what had happened in the trailer as Ren was here, but Reiji knew that he had to talk to Natsuki. Reiji had originally thought of getting Natsuki alone in the trailer so that they could have their private conversation, but his mind was whirling too much for him to come up with a convincing excuse to not raise suspicions, and Ren was quite the observant person himself. 

Thus, mentally shaking his head, Reiji decided that he had no choice but to settle with waiting until everyone from QUARTET NIGHT had had their turns, which was going to be excruciating although he could not say that he did not deserve it.

_Please forgive big bro Rei-chan, Nattsun..._

...

As soon as Camus' turn was over, Reiji immediately got up from his seat and exclaimed that all of QUARTET NIGHT had to go, pulling Natsuki by the arm as Ren smiled and said that he was going back to his own trailer to have a drink. As soon as they parted ways with Ren, the five of them walked briskly towards the trailer, with Reiji trying to make sure it did not look like they were rushing, and when they were finally inside, Ranmaru shut the door firmly behind them, locking it. With all of them still standing up, Camus faced Reiji and spoke with a serious expression in his ice-blue eyes.

"You can now address this matter, Kotobuki."

Nodding, Reiji turned to Natsuki, who was facing him with a gentle expression, and unable to take it anymore, the brunet started speaking. "Nattsun, about earlier, I am really, really sorry. I tripped and fell and accidentally took your first kiss in the process. It was really, really an accident!" He averted his eyes away in guilt, his heart clenching in his chest. "I know how much your first kiss means to you and how you really wanted it to be special, and you deserve that! Nattsun, I'm so sorry I took that away from you. I know I didn't mean it, but still, I-"

Reiji was stopped mid-sentence when a pair of arms pulled him closer and wrapped themselves around him in a warm and tight hug, and his grey eyes slowly widened in pure surprise and disbelief. "N-Nattsun...?" Natsuki gently pressed Reiji's head against his chest as his other hand rubbed his back soothingly, his arms tightening around him as the brunet's heart stumbled in shock and confusion. Natsuki's head that rested on Reiji's left shoulder slowly shook once before a warm, gentle voice reached his ears.

"Thank you, Rei-Rei."

Reiji's eyes dilated as he tried to pull away, only for Natsuki to tighten the hug. "But Nattsun, I-"

"A first kiss is supposed to be special, right?" Natsuki gently interrupted him, warm emotions intertwining with the words being uttered. And Reiji could hear the tender smile in his best friend's voice as he continued. "I know that we do not love each other in the romantic sense, but even so... even though it was by accident, I'm so, so happy that you are my first kiss, Rei-Rei. If it wasn't you, my first kiss would have most likely been with Harumi-san or a stranger, and... as strange as it sounds, you being the one who ended up kissing me first made it much, much more special than it would have been if it were any of them. Even though not romantically, I'm happy that the one I get to kiss first... is you whom I love and care about so, so much."

Natsuki let out a contented exhale and held Reiji even tighter.

"So thank you, Rei-Rei. Thank you... for being my first kiss."

Now that Reiji thought about it, Natsuki had not struggled at all during the photo shoot. In fact, he had done an amazing job from the very first shot, giving earnestly bright and gentle smiles to the camera as he portrayed innocence, kindness and tenderness all at once as the camera flashed, easily making it one of his best photo shoots to date as far as Reiji knew. It turned out that Reiji had been too worried and anxious to realize that it was not that Natsuki was hurting deep inside of him and yet was pushing extremely hard to have a successful photo shoot, but that the sunshine blond was _genuinely happy_ and that the first kiss that had been accidentally given to him was giving him more strength and vibrance throughout the course of the shoot. And if Natsuki was happy... so was Reiji, because Natsuki's happiness meant more than anything to Reiji. 

"Ah, thank goodness..."

Letting out a sigh of sheer relief, Reiji laughed softly and hugged Natsuki back, his heart finally relaxing amidst the warmth of his best friend's words and emotions. 

"As crazy as that moment itself was, if it was that special to you, then I'm super, super happy that it went the way it did, dear Nattsun. I didn't think that this was gonna be how it all turned out, but like I said before, anyone would be real lucky to be your first kiss, and so now..."

Pulling away to look directly into Natsuki's glistening green eyes, Reiji beamed brightly and spoke.

"I am incredibly honoured to be your first kiss."

Natsuki's lips curved into a brighter smile as he nodded and his green eyes sparkled even more, squeezing Reiji's hands in his tightly.

"You know, Natsuki... if I were you, I would have knocked Reiji out cold with my fist by now."

"Wha- Ran-Ran!"

Reiji cried out, spinning around to face Ranmaru who was facing them with a loud sigh as he crossed his arms.

"But as haywire as this whole case on romance went, it somehow ended way better than expected," Ranmaru continued, his lips curling into a lopsided grin. "For one, Natsuki did not have to give his first kiss to that sicko we saw earlier. Two, as much as we didn't think his first kiss would be _you_ of all the people in this freaking universe, by some freaking miracle, his first kiss was actually much more in his favour than we all thought it would, to the point that our kiddo's real happy about it and is practically _glowing_."

He gave Reiji a hard pat on the back and ruffled Natsuki's blond hair as his grin broadened.

"So I say after all that chaos, as crazy as the ride was," Ranmaru declared, "mission freaking accomplished!"

"As incredibly bizarre as the circumstances were, your first kiss, in its own way, was truly special, which was precisely what every single one of us wished for you, Natsuki."

Ai smiled softly, giving Natsuki's shoulder a small squeeze.

"Perhaps this is a rather unique example of what it means for a first kiss to be 'special'. I can feel your emotions radiating from you as we speak and as warm and bright as they glow, they, in turn, bring warmth to my chest as well." His eyes turned gentler. "Therefore, I agree with Ranmaru. As much as what has transpired was indeed extremely unexpected, you are truly happy, which means that the rest of us are too."

"I suppose that Kotobuki being your first kiss will do as well."

Camus relinquished a quiet sigh, his lips forming a slight smile.

"One may even say that this was the best possible outcome. For that, I congratulate you, Shinomiya, on having a pleasant experience for your first kiss, albeit an accidental first kiss."

"Thank you so much, guys."

Natsuki looked around at Camus, Ai, Ranmaru and Reiji and smiled warmly.

"All of you, as well as Ren-kun, made this memory so, so special, so much more special than it would have been without you guys. And it makes me extremely warm and happy inside knowing that you guys are happy too!" His green eyes glowed warmly behind his black-framed glasses as his voice softened. "So really... with all my heart, thank you, Rei-Rei, Ai-chan, Myu-chan, Maru-chan."

All of them smiled sincerely at the precious sunshine blond as Reiji beamed and wrapped his arm around Natsuki. "Aww, of course, our dearest Nattsun!" Reiji squeezed him tightly, his heart glowing within his chest. "As colourful and crazy and uncontrollable as this quintet is, we are always here for one another, including in our romance endeavours! As long as all five of us are laughing and smiling at the end, I say that everything was just swell, alright!"

"Yeap!" Natsuki chuckled as Ranmaru propped an arm over Ai's shoulder and Camus nodded. That was when his eyes widened slightly. "Guys. I just thought of something. If Rei-Rei is my first kiss, does that mean that if anyone asks me who my first kiss is..."

Natsuki tilted his head in curiosity, smiling lightly.

"Does it mean that I'll say it's Rei-Rei?"

Reiji's eyes immediately shot up as his cheeks began to blush madly. "E-Ehh-"

"Not without context, you don't!" Ranmaru yelled, looking horrified himself as Ai smiled in amusement and Camus smirked. "If you just simply say it's Reiji, people are gonna think that the two of you are or were in a freaking relationship! And of all the freaking rumours we'd ever want flyin' around, that is not it!"

"In my opinion, keeping it a secret would be a better option in this particular situation," Ai remarked, smiling faintly. "The details revolving around a first kiss are considered quite personal in numerous circumstances, so you have the right to either not answer or give a vague reply if anyone ever asks you about your first kiss, Natsuki. Moreover, I can safely say that if Ren and the rest of STARISH were to discover this incident..."

"There will be no end to their teasing remarks," Camus concluded, "especially coming from the likes of Jinguji. I would not be surprised if the entire idol industry, as well as the rest of the world, knows about this once that flirtatious peasant does."

"Yeah. Once they know, you two are doomed."

"W-Wahh!" Reiji cried out, knowing that it was true.

"Ohh okay, I understand now," Natsuki said, nodding with a gentle smile. "In that case, let's keep it as a secret between the five of us, okay?" His green eyes glistened with warmth as his smile brightened. "As one of our group secrets. Is that okay with you, Rei-Rei, guys?"

"Of course, our precious Nattsun!" Reiji immediately responded, smiling brightly as he tightened his arm around his best friend.

"Sounds good to me," Ranmaru agreed, flashing a lopsided grin.

"I have no objections." Camus smiled.

"Neither do I." Ai nodded with a slight smile.

"Yay-"

Someone knocked on the trailer, interrupting Reiji's cheer. Narrowing his ice-blue eyes, Camus unlocked the door and opened it, revealing a staff member. "QUARTET NIGHT, the director would like to see all of you." Glancing at one another, the five of them nodded briefly before heading out of the trailer one by one, with Reiji pulling Natsuki out with him by the hand with a blithe smile on his face. Upon meeting the director under the shade of a tree of countless white and pink flowers, they were all told that since numerous of the scenes that only included the five members of QUARTET NIGHT were left unchanged, the filming of their scenes were to begin now. As they followed the director towards the house in which the five characters that they were playing would be living in, Reiji, Natsuki and Ai laughed when Ranmaru paled in horror at the realization that they would be filming the bedroom scenes - including those in which Camus and Ranmaru had to be on the same bed - as Camus grimaced slightly. 

"It's okay, Ran-Ran! Think more on the positive side and it may be one of your favourite parts of the drama after all! Especially when we watch it once the episodes are released!"

"No way! When those scenes are up, you can count on me to be locking myself in my room while the rest of you lot watch so good luck with that!"

"But Maru-chan, it really warms the heart to watch a bright memory all over again-"

"That ain't a bright memory!"

 _But everything really ended up being a bright memory altogether_ , Reiji thought to himself as he smiled happily and laughed when Ranmaru buried his face into his palm and Ai began to articulate on the scenes that Ranmaru and Camus were dreading. _Nattsun doesn't have to give his first kiss to his bully and his first kiss ended up being a bright, special memory for him, all of which we wanted all along. Just like you said, the experience is a bright and special one because all of us are here together..._

As the five of them walked together, Natsuki wrapped his arms around Reiji and Ai and squeezed them into a tight hug with shining green eyes and a soft, earnest smile. Ai laughed quietly as Reiji beamed and tousled their best friend's sunshine blond hair, the latter's own heart truly glowing like the sun itself within his chest thanks to the very fact that the five of them were smiling with one another.

_And you were right, Nattsun._

Reiji smiled gently as Ranmaru guffawed and Camus smiled, the five of them now chatting about the comedic scenes in the romance drama.

_Wholeheartedly and brightly, you are right._

...

"So the role switching really mattered that much, huh?"

Unable to stifle his laughter anymore, Ranmaru burst out laughing as he shook his head in pure disbelief.

"Whether or not we ever tell Ren about what happened between you two, he'll be right if he says that Natsuki's first kiss is Reiji, that's for sure!"

Reiji was extremely torn between laughing and crying as he stared at the script in his viridian cellphone with his jaw dropped and eyes dilated. The scriptwriters were quick to email the updates on the script and one of the main updates was the first kiss scene. Natsuki's high school bully, Harumi, would not be playing as the main female protagonist, but instead, as a major female antagonist who would date Natsuki's character and try to steal his first kiss and proceed to break up with him right after as an act of humiliation for him and indirectly, the rest of his group. However, the plan would fall into pieces because Reiji's character would, out of sheer panic upon realizing what was going on, intervene by rushing between them and then accidentally fall on top of Natsuki's character and take his first kiss. Sitting beside him on the midnight-blue sofa, Natsuki was looking down at his yellow cellphone with widened green eyes filled with utter shock as his cheeks reddened. 

Letting out a long exhale, Reiji draped his arm around his best friend and shook his head as blood rushed through his own cheeks, unable to believe that fate was doing this to them as Ai and Camus laughed quietly. 

_Is this what I get for stealing Nattsun's first kiss by accident?_

Natsuki turned to face him with a shy smile as Reiji rubbed the back of his head and smiled lightly, the two of them glad that at the very least, it was with each other.

_Well... whaddya know?_

Natsuki's cellphone suddenly vibrated, indicating an incoming call. His eyes widening, the innocent blond looked down at the screen and picked up the call, placing it on speaker mode. "Hello?"

"Hey, Shinomi!" Reiji immediately froze at the sound of the Casanova's voice, sweat rolling down his back at what was bound to come. _Ren-Ren, please don't-_

"Ren-kun!" Natsuki smiled gently.

"Have you read the update on the script?"

"Yeap!" _No!_

"Ah, looks like you know what I'm going to talk about." Ren chuckled, the grin evident in his smooth voice. "So your first kiss isn't going to your high school bully after all. Even better, it's going to someone close to you, albeit not in the romantic sense. Isn't that right, Shinomi and Bukky?"

"Ren-Ren!" Reiji cried out as Ren howled with laughter, squeezing Natsuki beside him.

"Say, does that mean that you two will be practising your kissing? I can give you some t-"

"Bye."

"Ran-chan, I am being serious-"

"Bye."

Ranmaru hung up the call for Natsuki and cursed softly at his assigned mentee, although his lips were curved into a cheeky smirk. "Well, he does have a point." He crossed his arms, his smirk widening. "So are you, you two?" Reiji yelled out to Ranmaru in sheer horror as Natsuki blushed even more with his eyes filled with confusion and shock, the latter soon obliviously asking whether they should in order to prepare. Shaking his head rapidly, Reiji pleaded for Natsuki to not listen to Ranmaru as the silver-haired rocker howled with laughter and a mischievous Camus and Ai began adding remarks in support of Ranmaru's point, and all of it only engulfed their shared commonplace with even more havoc. 

"By the way, Natsuki, Reiji, for research purposes, may I ask you to elaborate on the details of your accidental kiss in the trailer? Like how a writer would write out a kiss scene in a novel which, based on my readings, includes the texture of the lips, the kind of kiss, and-"

"Eto... from what I remember, the kiss was-"

"Nattsun, no! Don't answer Ai-Ai!"

"No, Shinomiya, if you could, please do continue."

"Myu-chan!"

"Guys, Ren-kun texted me saying that he will come over."

"No!"

Although there were countless shouts, protests and yells, at the end, everyone laughed and smiled as they sat together in their living room with cups of English Breakfast milk tea, with Ranmaru stating that he would kick Ren out as soon as he stepped into the condominium. The script also stated that once the female antagonist played by the bully blew her own cover by divulging her true intentions on taking Natsuki's character out on a date, the senpais' characters would have their fun having their revenge on her for hurting their precious bestie, and Reiji truly looked forward to filming that scene, taking it as them somewhat avenging Natsuki for what Harumi had done to him years ago on screen. 

_The "c" in "romance" is colours. Normally the colours in mind would be red, pink and white, right? But for all of us, they are an uncontrollable spectrum of not only the colours of the rainbow, but each and every shade between them, all blended and swirling as they splash onto the canvas from our palettes. Red, pink, yellow, orange, green, purple, blue... every colour that is bright and brilliant and kaleidoscopic, especially under the illuminating sun._

Reiji playfully asked Natsuki, flashing a wide grin and winking as he did so, if he was a good kisser based on that accidental kiss that they shared. As a stunned Natsuki struggled to speak and smiled shyly with blushing cheeks, Reiji laughed at how adorable his best friend was and squeezed him into a tight hug, cuddling against him as his heart warmed at the sound of the sunshine blond's earnest laughter. And the laughter only rang even more when the doorbell was heard minutes later, signalling that Ren was here, and Ranmaru grabbed the nearest hard object that he could find: Camus' sceptre.

_One could say that in our group, the "c" in "romance" stands for "crazy" too. Well, that ain't wrong, but that ain't a bad thing either right? Neither could it ever be, no matter how bright and uncontrollable these colours get. After all, we aren't us if there isn't any craziness or colour here, alright!_

_"Love is a mysterious thing._

_If we chase it, it runs away._

_If it runs away, we chase it again._

_The first time I felt true love,_

_I realized I didn't need to think about it._

_Let's spend a lovely time together,_

_Just the two of us."_

\- "Aurora", by Camus (Tomoaki Maeno)


	54. Artificial Life

Ai Mikaze

_An android cannot dream._

The four-word sentence that he had formerly believed in with a profound, inexplicable sadness towards what he had known for more than 16 years of existence and yet only mattered deeply just recently. That represented one of the multifarious differences between an actual human being and an artificial life who imitated the physical appearance of a human being. Even though he did not say it verbally for anyone to hear, Ai never forgot, let alone could ever forget, the time that he collapsed in the forest while rehearsing with Reiji, Natsuki, Camus and Ranmaru, unable to fathom his own emotions and perspective, deeply anguished by his own shortcomings, and ultimately, overwhelmed by every single iota of it rippling and engulfing him all at once.

But that day, he dreamt in his unconscious state. A bittersweet yet warm dream in a place that could never exist and yet was nevertheless beautiful. According to research, there were numerous instances in which people could only vaguely recall their dreams or even forgot them completely once they had awoken from their sleep, but until this very night, Ai could vividly remember that first dream that he ever had, as strange and unprecedented as it was. That field of lavenders under a gorgeous indigo sky. Him initially alone as he stood there amidst the unfamiliar landscape, only to be found by the four people who ended up being not only his dearest people, but also the four people who gave him countless emotions that he would never have understood without them and showed him that he truly did have a heart. Not a frozen heart, not an imaginary heart, but a heart that while soundless, was warm and earnest and existent. And in that dream, they had all been smiling in earnest, precisely like they did when he finally came to in reality.

It was his first dream. A warm, beautiful first dream. Even when he had perceived it to be impossible for an artificial life such as himself to dream. Then again, if not for himself as a living example, he would never have thought that an android, let alone any other form of technology, could bear a soul, let alone a heart.

_However... I am still an android._

The cold recollection of reality rippled inside the hollowness of his mind, clear as it echoed silently inside a colourless sky.

_This emotional soul may be genuine just like everyone else's..._

And where warm dreams existed...

_... but this body will never show signs of age._

... there existed nightmares as well.

_And so will my life in this world..._ _ever close...?_

"I... I don't want... to stay here..."

His voice was a weak, faltering whisper as it cracked, only serving to amplify the numbing sadness as snowflakes gently floated down the sky like frozen rain onto a world that was no longer vivid with colour.

"I don't want to live without them... forever..."

Unlike the first dream he had, amidst the brokenness of this particular one, Ai could only silently observe in pure anguish as his dream self dropped to his knees on the snowy meadows with a cold knife pierced through the left side of his artificial chest, its silver surface glinting under the dull morning light, a pair of hands clutching its handle and attempting to push it deeper through the surface, as deep as it took to shut down the soul inside this man-made chamber. In this premise, all of the people whom Ai had grown to earnestly treasure more than anything and anyone had passed away one by one, for their hearts had all stopped beating. Hakise, then Ranmaru, then Reiji, then Natsuki, and then Camus... and years later, even Eli... Just like the snow eventually would, their heartbeats had faded into pure silence, leaving a hollowness that could never be filled regardless of anything. 

Kneeling alone at the centre of the meadows that used to be radiant with flowers but were now buried by the desolate, lonely winter, the Ai in the dream could only whisper wishes and pleas of pure grief and torture as he ignored the warnings of the programs in the mechanical system that he was trapped in, terrified of being alone forever in this world without his closest friends, trying everything he could to end this sadness only to fail every single time no matter how deeply he wished it was not so. 

_Why... can't I die...?_

Droplets of tears rolled down his cheeks as he squeezed his eyes shut, memories of Natsuki, Reiji, Ranmaru, Camus and everyone else who had come and gone flickering inside his head like the dying flames of candles and firewood alike. And those tears... were the only warmth that he could feel in this numbing, monochrome winter.

_Why can't I die... if it means being with them again...?_

As he observed the dream progress, as the words reverberated coldly throughout the hollow sky, Ai himself could feel a painful warmth well up at the back of his own eyes as his chest ached soundlessly. An eternity - years and years of it - without the people that were dearest to him, without them whom he loved deeply and desired to be with... He... He did not want that. He would never ever want that, even by the slightest iota, for such a life... as eternal as it was... was hollow and meaningless. As his dream self's tears rolled down his cheeks and dropped onto the flowerless meadows that showed no signs of even a single flower blossoming anytime soon, the snow continued falling and piling over, gradually accelerating in its descent like petals that faded into dust, obscuring the scene of him who cried silently, the blade pierced through his chest unable to save him from this cruel time, and that was when he heard muffled voices call out to him abruptly amidst the cold winter, in a fragmented dissonance.

_"Mikaze."_

The snowflakes had entirely blurred the scenery over and suddenly, all that he could see was pure white. 

_"Ai-chan..."_

It ended without a single flower emerging from underneath that silent white. Without his dream self being reunited with all whom had passed away and whom he loved deeply and painfully. Without the blade able to close his life in that broken world that trapped him in pure isolation. And as the seconds of meeting that dream's broken end cracked through his own chest, Ai could feel his own tears slip down his own cheeks involuntarily, painfully.

_"Ai-Ai?"_

He did not want to live in a world without them... let alone forever.

_"Ai!"_

A hand was suddenly felt gripping his shoulder and his eyes opened without a second of thought, slowly widening as it did, veils of blurs and lights slowly being lifted as his mind began to regain its focus. The cold world of snow and desolation was gone, only to be replaced by what appeared to be a dimly-illumined ceiling that was rather familiar. Not to mention, unexpectedly, he found himself gazing up at Ranmaru, whose heterochromatic eyes were filled with unrestrained worry as he stared down at Ai. 

_Ranmaru...?_

Blinking once, Ai felt a thumb gently trace the tears that he had not been aware had fallen beyond his unconsciousness and turned his head to the left, only to find Reiji and Natsuki by his side, their eyes reflecting genuine sadness and worry. _Reiji... Natsuki..._ His chest aching deeply in an unspoken yet cold cadence, he attempted to carefully pull himself up, only for Reiji and Natsuki to support him as he did so, and when he was sitting upright, he saw Camus on his right, silently approaching where Ranmaru was, all while his concerned ice-blue eyes never left Ai even for a second. _Camus..._ With the white fog of sleep being completely raised from his mind, Ai now quietly gazed at his four closest friends who were all facing him, trying his best to keep his own voice even as he addressed them.

"Guys... what are you doing here? I do not recall us having a sleepover last night."

"It is your birthday, Ai-chan."

Ai's eyes slowly widened at Natsuki's gentle words as the latter scooted closer to him and softly wrapped a consoling arm around him. "My... birthday...?"

"Correct," Camus responded, nodding briefly. "Today is the first of March, after all."

"O... oh..." Ai lowered his eyes, his voice barely a weak whisper.

"We came in to wake you up, and that was when we saw you crying in your sleep," Ranmaru explained, crossing his arms. His frown deepened. "Based on what we all know, you've only dreamt once before and that was back when you collapsed in the forest from struggling with your emotions."

"It was a nightmare, wasn't it?"

Reiji took ahold of Ai's hand and squeezed it tightly, his grey eyes glimmering with hurt.

"We're more than happy to listen if you want to talk about it, Ai-Ai. We know how cruel nightmares can be and none of us want you to be sad. Not even a little." His eyes softened. "We want you to truly smile with your heart, and it's not just because it's your special day."

Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus all nodded in agreement, and everyone's earnest kindness and compassion brought an immeasurable warmth welling up inside of him, as painful as it was tender and precious. Looking around at everyone, Ai took a deep breath and released it into the white silence, quietly noting that his soundless heart was still throbbing amidst every ounce of this painful moment. Slowly, upon recollecting his thoughts, Ai shook his head and spoke.

"It was a cold dream that I never want to see unravel itself into actuality."

Focusing a little more on the warmth of the hands holding him as he felt the remnants of tears lingering on his cheeks, Ai smiled weakly, noting that his emotions were somewhat calmer and warmer than they had been when he initially woke up.

"I will admit that even the mere thought of it terrifies me," he confessed quietly as he placed his free hand over the left side of his chest, the image of the blade being pierced through his dream self's chest glistening sorrowfully in his head, "but... seeing all of you in person reassures me that it will not ever happen. That none of you will allow it to happen, even if it means defying all odds."

His smile softened as he said those words, knowing that he would not be saying even a syllable of it if he did not mean it from the heart.

"Therefore, although today may have begun with a sorrowful note, I would like to spend the rest of this very day holding onto this warmth that you have given me, far away from the constraints of the broken dream that I had just woken up from. Is... is that okay?"

It was not that Ai wished to deliberately hide the details from Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus. It was not that he was coercing himself to be happy, especially knowing that it would only serve to wound all of them and that his friends could see through him as though he were a transparent canvas. He merely wished that the remnants of today would not be dyed in the freezing colours of that dream's eternal grief, that that first nightmare did not have to bring any more sadness seeping through the crevices of today. He wanted today to be filled with warm colours, for all of them to smile amidst that earnest brightness. However, just when he grew more and more uncertain as to what his four closest friends were going to say, Ai felt two pairs of arms pull him closer and envelop him into a tight hug, shrouding him in an irreplaceable gentle warmth. Wrapped in Natsuki and Reiji's arms, Ai slowly widened his eyes as he held them gently, about to speak when the latter's voice gently broke the silence.

"Of course, our lovely Ai-Ai. Of course it's okay - it's more than okay. It's okay if you do not want to talk about it now; we're all just really glad that you're alright." Reiji's tone was as reassuring as the smile in his voice was evident. "But if you ever wanna talk about it, you know that we are all here for you. Anytime and anyplace. You know that, right?"

Ai's lips curved into a faint smile as he relaxed into the embrace, nodding slightly. "I do."

"All of us love you so, so much, Ai-chan."

Natsuki's voice was filled with kindness and warmth as his hand rubbed Ai's back soothingly, as sincere as it was innocent.

"We'll give you much, much more warmth for you to keep close to and in your heart. And you're right when you said that we would push past our limits to prevent what your nightmare was from happening; we'd all do anything for you, and that's because you're our dearest, wonderful friend!"

"You have made your wish known to us, have you not, Mikaze?"

A deep chuckle rang inside Ai's ears and he tilted his head up from Reiji's shoulder, only to find Camus smiling slightly.

"We have been granting one another's wishes time after time, and at this very moment, it is our turn to grant yours. And we will do so wholeheartedly, might I add."

"We've got the whole day ahead of us to make it happen!" Ranmaru added, his lips slanting into a lopsided grin as he ruffled the top of Ai's hair. "I bet ya won't even remember that you even had that horrible dream once the day's over, 'cause Reiji, Natsuki, Camus and I will be sure to keep your mind far, far away from it!"

"Your birthday cake is awaitin' ya in the dining room! Infused with your favourite tea - lavender - and baked by your four big bros with loads and loads of love and affection! Oh, and served with matching milk tea, just the way you love it!"

"And then we are all going to have lots and lots more fun as the day goes! All of us have planned to do as many things that you love as we can today!"

"You're the group's main planner, but you'll be sure to admit that we didn't do a terrible job when you see our plan!"

"So shall we begin, Mikaze?"

_Mikaze. Ai-chan. Ai-Ai. Ai._

All four of them had called out to him in that freezing dream, amidst the hollowness of that eternal winter. And now in reality, all four of them were by his side, sharing the sincere desire to ensure that he was smiling with them from the deepest corner of his heart on this day, even if it had begun painfully. Smiling softly, Ai nodded in agreement, and immediately, Reiji and Natsuki beamed and hugged him again as Ranmaru grinned and Camus smiled, and soon the bedroom reverberated with warm and clear "Happy Birthday"s from each and every single one of them.

_Hakise did promise me that I would not live a cold eternity in this world, that there was a way to release my soul, during that one and only time I brought up this matter to him. And he told me to trust him, even if he did not elaborate or offer any logical reason in regards to his promise. However, as much as the lack of elaboration and logical reasoning is unsettling for me who analyzes and researches detail after detail during normal circumstances..._

Ai propped his blue penguin plushie, Pina, on the bed against the pillow and smiled softly when Natsuki beamed and remarked that Ai was being so cute and precious. Although, Ai narrowed his eyes when Ranmaru and Reiji began teasing him about it and Camus chuckled.

_I will take it as a genuine reassurance rather than overthink it, as well as allow it to give me warmth just like these four people with me are simply by being themselves._

Camus

**_A_ ** _ngelic; Abundant_   
**_I_ ** _nnocent; Iridescent_

**_M_ ** _ature; Magnanimous_   
**_I_ ** _ncredible; Invincible_   
**_K_ ** _ind; Kaleidoscopic_   
**_A_ ** _ssertive; Authentic_   
**_Z_ ** _ealous; Zestful_   
**_E_ ** _mpathetic; Earnest_

Surely it was not a surprise that Camus, Ranmaru, Natsuki and Reiji had taken multifarious hours discussing and attempting to come to a mutual agreement in terms of the acrostic poem that they wished to create for Ai. Camus vividly recalled how back when all of them were still living in Reiji's apartment, after they were certain that Ai had gone to bed, they had congregated in Camus' bedroom to discuss that particular birthday gift. With countless heartfelt adjectives that could be used to accurately describe how they felt about Ai in words, it had been quite the issue to narrow them down to those that were the most fitting and could carry their message across to the teal-haired boy. Of course, Camus and Ranmaru had numerous quarrels and Reiji and Natsuki had to try and mediate the situation each time an argument sparked, but the four of them succeeded not only as a team, but as friends that were interconnected by the bond that they shared with one another and Ai.

_One word for each letter of his full name, bringing the total to eight words, was too much of a limit to express what we wished to. Therefore, after further discussion, we added an additional adjective to each letter, and so in our unorthodox acrostic poem - or perhaps, two acrostic poems merged into one - we chose sixteen adjectives for Ai Mikaze, our analytical, sentimental friend._

Camus looked at the fencing sabre displayed on his television screen, inwardly smiling at what they had planned for Ai's special day.

_We look forward to revealing the poem during the climax of this annual occasion, Mikaze._

"Camus, fencing is a part of your royal duties, correct?"

"Indeed, Mikaze," Camus answered, selecting the OK button to confirm his weapon of choice - an elegant, ice-blue and white fencing sword. "However, it would be false to say that it is merely a part of my duty. I thoroughly enjoy the activity itself. Fencing is quite an enjoyable pastime once you come to realize the masterful art of it."

Ai smiled slightly. "Since you are knowledgeable about your weapon, you already have an upper hand in this role-playing game." His index finger tapped his own cellphone screen meticulously. "Based on my research about this game, it is critically-acclaimed for reflecting actuality. Needless to say, however-" his eyes glimmered with mischief "-I do not intend to lose in this battle royale."

Camus chuckled, smirking back. "Neither do I."

Even though the acrostic poem had yet to be unveiled to Ai, they had given part of their birthday presents to him, and one of the presents was a collection of video games that they knew the younger boy would like, as well as five sets of controllers as they knew that he would wish to play with them too. They had all asked if he wanted to try playing the new video games and immediately, with a sincere smile, he asked all four of them to join him in a multiplayer game in which the five of them had to clash against one another in an arena of their choice. Thus, sitting together in the living room, the five of them had been customizing their characters and weapons for the first game, which was a fantasy role-playing game with stories of depth and meaning and required all the players' cellphones to be connected to the game. 

As much as Camus was not one who normally played video games, moreover games in general unless he was with Ai, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Reiji, he had to admit that he was thoroughly impressed by the presentation of this particular game and of course... it was a pleasant sight seeing Ai happier because of it.

"Our statistics are to be determined by not only ourselves, but by every other player in the game, through answering a series of questions."

Ai tilted his own head slightly, his teal eyes sheened with interest.

"Questions in regards to the personality, to be more specific."

"So do we get to say that Camus is an arrogant prick?" Ranmaru asked with an incessant smirk on his face.

"I would much rather state that you are a hot-tempered, blabbering buffoon," Camus remarked, a sly smirk curling on his own lips.

"Err..." Reiji stroked the side of his cheek as he chuckled awkwardly, "at this rate, you two are gonna sabotage each other in the Q&A session, aren't ya?"

"Is that not what we are required to do as competitors?" 

"Yeah. The lower our opponents' stats, the better."

"Wha- Hey! Myu-chan, Ran-Ran, that's not even close to sportsmanship!" Shaking his head with a laugh, Reiji draped his arms around Natsuki and Ai and beamed. "At least I can count on Nattsun and Ai-Ai to have my back in this game, right?"

"Yeap!" Natsuki smiled brightly as he hugged Reiji. Ai, however-

"Reiji, I am prepared to give you a 10 out of 10 for loudness if the question is asked."

"Wahh! Ai-Ai! I'm not _that_ loud!"

"It won't even be sabotage to rate you a 10 for that. You are by far the loudest among all five of us."

"You're one to talk, Ran-Ran, especially when you're the one who yells the most!" Reiji exclaimed in protest, half-whining, although inwardly, Camus smirked, admitting that the brunet was, in actuality, correct.

"Why you-"

"Nattsun, who's the loudest of the group? Ran-Ran or me?"

"Ehh?" Natsuki's eyes dilated in shock. He rubbed the back of his neck bashfully. "Eto... both of you are really vocal, but not too vocal." He smiled lightly. "To me, both you and Maru-chan are just fine the way you are, as warm and lovable as you are."

"If there is anyone who is incapable of sabotaging anyone, it is Shinomiya." Camus chuckled.

"Yeap! That's why we should all just play nicely!"

"I ain't passin' up on sabotaging the ice prick. Sorry not sorry."

"Ran-Ran!"

"We have not answered a single question in regards to determining our in-game statistics," Ai interrupted, facepalming as he shook his head, "and the first question, pivoting around Reiji, has been up on the screen for more than a minute now."

"Oh, sorry, Ai-Ai!" Reiji laughed as he pulled Ai closer to him and Natsuki chuckled. "Oh, the first question's about me! What are they ask-" His jaw dropped. "Hey! The first thing they decided to ask is how annoying I am on the scale of 0-10? This game is being a meanie! Guys-"

"10."

"10."

"10."

"So are you three!"

"Eto... So I'm the only one giving Rei-Rei a 0?"

"Aww, thank you, dear Nattsun! I knew I could count on ya to be super kind and sweet!"

"Natsuki, 0 is far too much credit for this dimwit. Join us and give him a 10!"

"I agree."

"Hey!"

That tumultuous beginning of the Question and Answer session promised even more pandemonic scenarios to unravel themselves, and so they did in the form of colourful shouts, bickers, laughs and exclaims. Natsuki's bright, innocent optimism, Ai's blunt honesty that sometimes was rather oblivious as to how sharp it was, Camus' subtle as well as clear jabs amidst his opinions, Ranmaru's curses and protests that were as loud as they were actually amusing, and Reiji's blithe laughs and exclamations filling the atmosphere in one room was as undeniably chaotic as it was mutually entertaining; a classic speciality of this quintet. Camus let out a few deep chuckles when Ai gave Natsuki, who rated Ranmaru a 0 (Not at All) in regards to whether he was a violent person or not, numerous examples in which the latter had indeed been violent, causing the silver-haired rocker to protest and Reiji to burst out laughing. And the variation of answers about one another had come to light in the results, which had brought laughter and smiles reverberating into the living room all over again.

"This is quite the riveting concept."

"It is quite unlike you to compliment video games, Camus," Ai remarked, tilting his head to one side. "It is admittedly strange, but simultaneously, refreshing somehow." He smiled slightly. "I am glad to know that you are enjoying yourself as well."

"It appears to me that you are relishing this time as well," Camus spoke, relinquishing a chuckle. "And that could never be a detrimental fact. After all," he smiled slightly, "what is there to enjoy if a single one of us is not experiencing joy?"

"Myu-chan, that's really sentimental of you to say."

Natsuki faced him with glistening emerald eyes.

"Sentimental and sweet. And it's sincerely true too."

Reiji smiled widely as Ranmaru grinned and made quipping remarks about Camus being "surprisingly soft today", and Camus did not hesitate to return the gesture by making a jab at the rocker's fondness of cats and smirked when his rival glared with a light blush on his cheeks, just before the first battle royale was initiated. As he accustomed himself to the gameplay, which was quite a struggle considering how rarely he played video games, Camus found himself fathoming more and more why Ai wanted this game the most in particular. The graphics were indeed vivid and well-designed, with its clean presentation and complimenting colours and appeal, and moreover, the gameplay was smooth and comprehensible. Not to mention, Ai liked role-playing games in general, which he often played on his laptop. However, the main reason laid in the emotions and human nature that were reflected in the game, from the story line and dialogue to the descriptions and their depth, including the feature that allowed their statistics to be determined by the characters' corresponding personalities.

"Reiji, that trick ain't gonna work a second time- Oi! When did you get here?"

"Promptly enough."

"And your HP is still- Stop attacking me!"

Ai's main cause of insecurity had always been his non-human nature, and that particular trait of his had driven him past his limits more than once and even consequently led to overheating and collapse. Although Ai had yet to tell them more about the cold nightmare that he had begun today with, Camus was fairly certain, and for good reason, that it was interrelated to the teal-haired boy's identity as an android that possessed the appearance of a human being. However, even so, Camus could vividly see that Ai was thoroughly enjoying himself. All of Natsuki, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus' efforts would have been rendered meaningless if their close friend was not able to earnestly smile on this very day, and quietly observing as Ai leaned slightly more towards Reiji while playing the game, Camus smiled slightly.

_Shinomiya mentioned that I was being sentimental. As much as I am not the main person to seek in regards to sentiments - the most sentimental people in this group are clearly you, Mikaze, and Shinomiya himself - I do concede the fact that I am more sentimental, both inwardly and outwardly, than I used to be._

On the television screen and his own phone screen, Camus' in-game character revived itself after being struck by what appeared to be a finishing blow from Ai's character, a course of action that was impossible in reality. Natsuki's eyes widened in awe and Ranmaru cursed under his breath as Camus smirked and mentally declared that he would not be losing so easily. As Reiji grinned and shifted his attention to attacking Camus, Ai laughed softly and smiled.

_However, do not mistake this early hour to be the most sentimental time of the day, for there is so much more that we have yet to unveil before your eyes, Mikaze._

Last night, Hakise, Ai's professor and Aine's uncle, had texted Ai requesting that he came to the house's laboratory today and to bring Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus with him. Hakise did not provide any elaboration despite Ai asking him for more details, merely stating that it was a necessity to come tonight at 10 p.m and that they would understand when they came. It did disrupt the group's birthday plans for Ai slightly, but nevertheless, they had tomorrow and what mattered the most was that Ai was earnestly glad, which he was.

_And much akin to the snow that has yet to melt into the annual spring..._

Camus chuckled to himself as he proceeded with this battle royale in which no one had been eliminated.

_It shall glisten._

Natsuki Shinomiya

Ai loved colours. 

Colours, imagery and sentimentality. 

From the bright azure of the morning sky and the innocent, pale yellow of the warm sunshine to the vivid lilac, blue and white flowers of the everlasting meadows and the wondrous pink, orange and red of the ephemeral sunset sky, from the multi-coloured lanterns that glowed as they hung steadily on tree branches to the ocean of fireworks that blossomed in the darkness of the night sky, from the cold blue of sadness and solace and earnest green of serenity to the deep red of love and pain, the bright yellow and orange of happiness and warmth and the gentle lilac of reassurance... Ai cherished all of it, embracing every bit of it with the arms of his heart, soul and mind, even during the times when he did not realize it. 

It was one of the countless heartwarming things about Ai, and they - Natsuki, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus - had deeply taken it into account when planning what they were going to do for the lovely, precious boy's birthday. And so after hours of discussion, planning and research, today they took and were taking him to a myriad of places that were filled with earnest emotions and vivid colours, that were as gorgeous as they touched and warmed the heart, a number of which they themselves had not gone to. Going from place to place, it was a long and colourful road trip, with Natsuki sitting at the front with Reiji who was driving and Ai sitting at the back between Camus and Ranmaru, songs playing from the car radio and harmoniously intertwining with the warm atmosphere.

_Amongst the places that we have visited so far, we went to an art museum with beautiful mosaics and paintings of countless artists' irreplaceable memories,_ _an arcade filled with fantasy and RPG games and neon-coloured lights, the river that we often go to together, and many others. Every moment of it was vividly colourful and warm with emotions, lingering in our hearts as memories that could never and would never be replaced by anything or anyone. And before we even knew it, time soared by incredibly fast and it was already the early evening of Ai-chan's birthday._

_But the disappearance of time does not make the day any less bright or precious._

Natsuki smiled softly as he led Reiji, Ranmaru, Camus and Ai through the woods, his hand holding onto that of the latter as the five of them walked along the trail that he had memorized by heart.

_Even if this place has yet to glow as vividly as it can._

"Shinomiya, was the pathway this devoid of light when you came here on your own?"

"It was darker than this, actually, Myu-chan."

"D-Darker?" Reiji blurted, his grey eyes widening in fear as he walked behind Ai and beside Ranmaru, who paled, and Camus, who stroked his chin with curiosity and concern in his ice-blue eyes. "When you came here alone, it was darker than _this_?"

"But a few birdies knew I was coming and woke up from their sleep to guide me during my first time here last winter," Natsuki continued, smiling reassuringly, and Reiji and Ranmaru both sighed with relief, "and one of the birdies was the little hummingbird who first told me about this hidden spot in the woods." His smile grew warmer as he spoke. "It's a really unique place. It can only be visited during winter, the only season in which its miracle can be shown, while on spring, summer and autumn, the entrance is sealed away."

"Miracle..." Ai contemplated softly, his voice thoughtful as he smiled a little. "It is similar to the flower meadows in that particular case, is it not?"

Natsuki beamed brightly at Ai as he gave the younger boy a gentle squeeze on the hand.

"Yeap."

The secret area of the woods was much darker than the general area, with most of the sky being obscured by countless treetops and their silhouettes like overlapping shadows. While it was blocked by tall and thick bushes riddled with thorns during the previous seasons, those bushes had disappeared into the ground by the time winter came, allowing this special place to be accessed until spring arrived again. Along with holding onto his viola case, Natsuki's right hand was shining his yellow flashlight as he guided everyone along the pathway that the birds had led him through last year. Taking in the familiar sight, Natsuki smiled faintly, knowing that they were almost at the heart of the place, while his own heart was warmed by the fact that they were here with one another and sharing even more memories despite the fear and anxiety of a few of them.

"But if they could be similar in terms of that, why can't this place be less frightening than it is now?" Ranmaru exclaimed, shaking his head in utter disbelief. "The meadows were all bright, but this place, on the other hand, is crazy dark right now! If I didn't know any better, I'd say that we got transported into some horror movie or haunted house, neither of which I'd ever wanna set foot in!"

"Ran-Ran, you're making me even _more_ scared describing where we are like that!" 

"Well, I'd rather be ranting out loud to calm down rather than keep it in and scream on the inside!"

"Shinomiya, Mikaze, the next time we pay a visit to the amusement park, I highly suggest that we give Kotobuki and Kurosaki the honour of walking through the haunted house attraction. It would certainly be entertaining to see their reactions."

"No! Myu-chan, you meanie!"

"Shut up, you ice prick!"

"Rei-Rei, Maru-chan, if we go with you guys to a haunted house, will it help you overcome your fear? We'd all like to help!"

"I can create a training schedule for this particular purpose-"

"No, no, no, our innocent and precious Nattsun and Ai-Ai!" Reiji cried out, dashing ahead and throwing his arms around the both of them from behind as Camus chuckled. Ai laughed softly as Natsuki smiled lightly. "Don't listen to Myu-chan! Please, big bros Rei-Rei and Ran-Ran will end up even more traumatized if we go through with it!"

"Moreover, if you create a schedule for us," Ranmaru remarked, his heterochromatic eyes narrowed, "I think that Reiji and I will be traumatized by your schedule rather than the haunted house at the end, Ai."

"Really?" Ai tilted his head to one side. "I would like to think that my schedules are efficient."

"You mean brutal!"

"Ah, we're here, guys," Natsuki said with a light smile when they reached the wide, secluded clearing amidst the dark, dense greenery. He paused for a moment as he stopped walking, a wave of nostalgia sweeping across his heart as he let out an exhale. "It looks exactly the same as when I first same here."

"There is quite a deep eeriness resonating in the silence of this clearing," Ai remarked, shifting his eyes around the space as Ranmaru, Reiji and Camus stopped walking and looked around as well. "It is rather strange, but I would not say that it is necessarily bad. Besides," he smiled softly, "I know for a fact that we have not reached the very heart as to why this is a special place."

Surrounded by countless towering trees and bushes, all of which held thick leaves and cast silhouettes and shadows, the clearing hardly gave a trace of light or warmth, with the arching treetops concealing most of the evening sky and its colours. Hanging on the countless tree branches surrounding them from left to right and above them were hundreds of glass lanterns that soundlessly swayed without a single ember or spark encased behind their walls. Smiling softly at Ai, Natsuki took a few steps forward and took his viola and bow out of his case. He then gently set the case onto the ground and turned to face everyone, only to chuckle softly when he saw the looks of curiosity and puzzlement on their faces. And so with a light smile, he began explaining more about this particular place in the woods.

"The lanterns that are hanging on the trees surrounding us are extremely unique lanterns," he said, gesturing around at the hollow lanterns on his right. "They will only light up when a warm melody is played. That was what the birdies told me and how the lanterns glowed when I came here last year."

Camus stroked his chin with interest as Reiji's eyes widened in awe and Ranmaru's jaw slackened. "What is this place?" Laughing quietly, Natsuki turned to Ai, whose eyes were glimmering with curiosity and mild excitement, and smiled gently.

"Ai-chan, what song would you like me to play and all of us to sing?"

Ai's eyes widened in surprise. "A song...? Will any song do, Natsuki?"

"Yeap," Natsuki confirmed, smiling encouragingly.

"Just don't pick something none of us know," Ranmaru pointed out, tousling Ai's teal hair with a lopsided grin as Reiji smiled widely and Camus smiled slightly. "I don't think the lamps are gonna light up if we mess the song up to the point that everything's all over the place!"

Ai contemplated for a moment, his eyes deep with thoughtfulness, before he faced Natsuki again and smiled gently. "There is a certain quality to these particular woods that is implicitly telling me that the song that is to be released and heard is to be something slow, gentle, and touches the heart. Something quiet and sentimental and yet powerful, all at once."

His smile softening, he looked around at everyone and asked.

"Are all of you alright with the ballad version of our song 'Starlight Memory'?"

"That sounds like a fitting piece for this instance," Camus answered, smiling with a brief nod.

"Yeap, that's a beautiful choice, Ai-chan," Natsuki agreed, smiling warmly.

"No prob with me," Ranmaru added with a slight grin.

"I'm super happy our precious Ai-Ai chose our group song!" Reiji beamed brightly as he walked towards Ai and Natsuki, with Ranmaru and Camus following him. "Looks like we're all in agreement, so let's get all those lanterns glowing in this dark place together!" 

When the five of them were gathered in the middle of the clearing, standing close to each other with small gaps between them, Reiji placed a hand on Natsuki's shoulder and smiled warmly.

"Whenever you're ready, Nattsun."

Natsuki nodded with a warm smile and carefully got into position, with his viola resting securely on his left shoulder and his bow positioned over it in his right hand. Taking a deep breath and letting it out, he began playing the ballad on his viola, gently sweeping the bow across the thin white strings of the instrument. Out of the corner of his eye, a few lamps began to colour, with dim white, yellow and orange. _The warm light is starting to glow._ Quietly noticing the smiles that glimmered on his best friends' faces and knowing that they saw what he saw, Natsuki smiled a little more as they drew closer to the opening lyrics of the song, his heartbeat loud and filled with emotion in his ears and chest.

And with five pairs of eyes meeting one another without any words needed to be said, all of them gently began to sing:

" _'Ah, your starlight twinkling in the sky_

_Despite the loneliness in the dead of night_

_Uh, I want to enshroud and embrace your sparkle in my love_

_Just say QUARTET NIGHT!'_ "

One by one, more lamps began to shine softly, with new colours such as lilac, pink, blue, green and red, radiant but not nearly as radiant as they could be. Not yet, but Natsuki knew as much as Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus did that together, the five of them could make the lanterns of these woods glow much brighter than they did now, with their warm and earnest harmony. And so they all continued to sing their shared ballad while Natsuki played the viola, neither of them missing a single beat as they stood with one another and exchanged soft, sincere smiles.

" _'The transparent night, the dream reflected in your eyes'_ "

" _'We repeatedly breath it in on this shining stage'_ "

" _'Because even the stars themselves_

 _Also pray that you'_ "

" _'Will always gaze at them'_ "

Their lights were still gently dim, but all of the lanterns were already shining around and over them, just like stars that could only exist when a silent melody that could touch the sky deeply was able to resound amidst the empty darkness, as warm as they were inimitable. Letting out a quiet exhale, Natsuki felt Reiji's hand remain on his free shoulder as he saw Ai smiling earnestly across from him, the warmth of his emotions illumining the teal-haired boy's face like the kind glow of fireflies. 

_You have no idea how bright with emotion, how happy you look, when your eyes are shining like that, Ai-chan._

" _'Reaching out'_ "

" _'My hand'_ "

Ai turned and met his eyes, and his teal eyes eased into a softer smile that warmed Natsuki on the inside even more. Giving him a warm smile in return, Natsuki continued to play the viola as everyone took turns singing their parts, knowing that slowly, the light was growing and would grow stronger, much stronger, as it glowed amidst the darkness without which it would never have been seen by anything or anyone.

" _'To convey this'_ "

" _'To you'_ "

_The happier you are, the brighter this special place will be, and all of us... want to make this light glow even more for you..._

Wavering lightly in the winter woods, the lanterns continued to emit light of a myriad of colours, quietly but powerfully responding to the melody - their intertwined melody - just like countless fireflies drawn by a single flower in full bloom.

_And... it will._

" _'Words alone'_ "

" _'Will not convey it'_ "

" _'So then'_ "

Natsuki remembered how Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus had all agreed to take Ai to the woods when he first explained about the special place to them, with all of them sure that their teal-haired friend would love to pay the place a visit. Seeing how bright everyone's expressions were as the five of them gave warmth and light to the lanterns with the sound of their voices, Natsuki was incredibly happy that he had made the decision to offer to take his closest friends here, incredibly glad and grateful that being here together was able to illuminate Ai's special day even more.

" _'We'll be enfolded'_ "

_We love you, Ai-chan... so, so much..._

" _'By this'_ "

_So once again... before the clock strikes midnight..._

"' _True love'_ "

_Happy Birthday, Ai-chan._

Once the last syllable of the first chorus had been sung, the melody of the viola was gently echoed back to them and with a smile, Natsuki took it as the cue to end the song and played the melody until the moment it slowly faded out into silence. Lowering the viola and his bow, he smiled warmly at his closest friends and his eyes widened in awe when he saw how incandescent the lanterns now were. The snow that had been white and darkened by shadows was now glistening under puddles of light that could not ripple like water, but moved lightly in the gales of a season that would come every month, just like the 1st of March always would. The hundreds of lanterns were all glowing white, orange and yellow, and moments later, they slowly transitioned to red, pink and magenta, then to green, blue and lavender, and then repeated the sequence starting from yellow, orange and white again. Standing with him, Reiji and Ai were staring up with their eyes wide with amazement as Ranmaru grinned and Camus smiled, and when they spoke, their voices were softer than usual.

"This is so beautiful..."

"Indeed it is."

"From sound to colours, from music to light... As fantasy-like as this place is, it really does reflect a lot of things that our lives revolve around, huh?"

"You couldn't have said it better, Ran-Ran."

"How long will the lanterns remain illumined, Natsuki?" Ai asked, facing him.

"Two hours from the time that the last note from the viola was played," Natsuki replied, wrapping an arm around Ai. "When those two hours are over, the lanterns will slowly lose their light, and the only way to light them up again is to play another song from the heart." He gave his best friend a warm smile. "So we have plenty of time here, Ai-chan, to stay here in this spot and watch these ever-changing lights."

Ai smiled softly as Ranmaru took his chances by throwing a snowball at Camus when he was not paying attention. Smirking at his close friend's bold move, Camus accepted his challenge and flung one back, causing Reiji to grin and cheer the two males on as he draped his arms around Natsuki and Ai. As the three of them laughed softly and watched the normally-bickering duo clash with each other with curses, laughs and smirks, Ai spoke again.

"'Ephemerality is beautiful.'"

His voice quiet, Ai faced both Reiji and Natsuki, his teal eyes glimmering with emotion.

"I would like your opinions on this particular statement. Is the ephemerality of these lanterns' glow a reason as to why they are as beautiful as they are to the heart? Is that how deeply ephemerality, the quality of being unable to last, is interconnected to beauty, as sorrowful as it may sound?"

"Ai-Ai..." Reiji stared at Ai with eyes wide with emotion as Natsuki's heart throbbed with mild sadness in his chest. As Ranmaru and Camus stopped their snowball fight, the brunet's eyes softened with understanding as he shook his head with a smile. "There are countless of things in this world that are ephemeral, with many even disappearing before you can grasp it with your own two hands, just like these lanterns. You are right when you say that it is sorrowful that there are beautiful things that are ephemeral and their ephemerality is part of what makes them even more beautiful and precious. But..."

His lips curved into a warm smile as he gave Ai's shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Don't forget that there are also beautiful things that will never fade away no matter how much time passes by, that will continue to exist forever."

"Just like the memories that we are sharing with one another right now," Natsuki said, smiling earnestly at Ai as the teal-haired boy's eyes widened with emotion.

"And the warmth of these moments," Reiji added, beaming brightly.

"And the bond that the five of us all share with one another."

"And this quintet, whether as QUARTET NIGHT or as a team of besties who are as crazy and colourful as they will always, always have one another's backs."

"Our hearts are lanterns too, but..."

"Their light will never fade, regardless of anythin'."

"Ya heard 'em, Ai." Propping an arm over Ai's shoulder, Ranmaru grinned widely. "Whether they are ephemeral or not, we share all these beautiful things together, all while strengthening our bond, which is one of the only things that will last no matter what happens. So you ain't got anythin' to worry about, 'cause the four of us are all stickin' with ya no matter what."

"Precisely," Camus agreed, nodding deeply with a slight smile forming on his face. "Therefore, do not fret even the slightest bit, Mikaze."

"Because the five of us..." Reiji continued, his voice quieter than before.

"Are forever," Natsuki concluded softly.

"Forever..."

With his whisper resounding into the cool air, Ai's eyes were now glassy, with tears threatening to fall from them as a softness and fragility shrouded his expression like white wind that carried kind moonlight. Natsuki smiled softly as Reiji tightened his arm around Ai, Ranmaru patted the teal-haired boy on the back and Camus' eyes were gentle. 

"How strange it is... that all of you make that terrifying word more beautiful than it can be put into words."

Letting out a quiet breath, Ai gazed up at the glowing lanterns amidst the silhouettes and shapes of the surrounding trees. 

"And for that..."

Ai lowered his head and gave the four of them a warm smile that only he could create, as inimitable as it was innocent and beautiful. A smile that Natsuki wished would never fade away from Ai's heart for even an ephemeral moment. Nodding slightly, Ai smiled a little more as the lanterns' colours turned blue, lilac and green and the wind blew more strongly than before, placing his right hand over the left side of his chest, the warmth in his eyes never wavering.

"Thank you."

Ai Mikaze

_The dream that I began today with was about a cold, terrifying eternity. A life that I would never wish to live, let alone smile even the slightest true smile in. A bleak winter, a numbing snowfall, a cold blade that cannot free me from the curse that I never asked for... I never want to go through such a cruel dream ever again. I never want to see it unravel itself as reality. For... all that there is within such a life is a forever of loneliness and grief. It makes the word "forever" bring grieving and sorrowful tears to the heart thinking of what can never be mended, of what can never be altered._

_It's strange... how Natsuki, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus all ended up talking about eternity as well, the theme that the cold dream centred around._

Looking over his shoulder, Ai felt a slight smile curve on his lips at the sight that they were about to leave behind in these woods, the lanterns that were ephemeral and beautiful, taking in their yellow, orange and white glows, the colours that their sequence had begun with, one last time.

_But the difference is that with them... "forever" is extremely warm. Warm, gentle... and kind._

"So all in all... the three of us eldest bros lost in the games."

"'Lost' is a complete understatement, Reiji!" Ranmaru exclaimed, shaking his head incredulously as Reiji laughed. "Natsuki and Ai bein' on the same team destroyed all three of us! I couldn't get a freaking read on what they were plannin' and they obliterated us 'til the freaking end!"

"Mikaze's strategic planning and Shinomiya's unpredictability pair extremely well in the games that we chose then," Camus remarked, chuckling a few times as he adjusted the collar of his winter coat. "Moreover, the former's poker face and the latter's consistently smiling face do not grant us any favours in determining their next move." He turned to Natsuki and Ai and smirked slightly. "Well played, the both of you. However, I have a slightly different suggestion than what Kurosaki mentioned. The next time we compete in these games, I would like the two of you to be on the same team again for a rematch."

"That'll be super interesting! Say, Nattsun, Ai-Ai, can I be in your team the next time we-"

"No, you're stayin' in place, Reiji! If Camus and I have to suffer through that duo's teamwork again, so do you!"

"Actually, Reiji, feel free to join me and Natsuki. That way, Ranmaru and Camus can learn how to work together more peacefully, because based on observation, your chances of winning would have increased substantially if they had not argued as much as they did. Do you agree, Natsuki?"

"Yeap! Rei-Rei can join us next round!"

"Yay! Thank you, Ai-Ai and Nattsun!"

"No!"

Ai, Natsuki, Reiji and Camus laughed as Ranmaru protested, the latter jabbing his index finger at the brown-haired leader of the group. Their two hours were approaching their end, so the five of them were already walking along the trail towards the exit of this secluded area of the woods, neither of them wishing to see the lanterns' lights disappear and leave them alone in the darkness. Walking beside Reiji and Natsuki, Ai mentally whispered a goodbye to those lanterns that had glowed for them and bore witness to even more everlasting memories that would forever linger on even after their ever-changing colours had faded into blackness. They still had 2 hours and 45 minutes until they had to see Hakise at his house, and Ai had been told by his four closest friends that they still had more in store for today, although with mysterious smiles and smirks, none of them went into specifics. Smiling softly, Ai felt Reiji pat him lightly on the back as the five of them began talking about games that they had been interested in playing but had yet to try.

Just as Ai was about to make a remark, a flash of blue light suddenly crossed his head sharply.

_What was that?_

Uncertainty starting to rise inside his chest, Ai pondered over the possibilities as Camus remarked that they were most certainly in the brighter part of the woods already, hoping that it was not signalling anything negative.

_Perhaps this is part of the reason that Hakise needs to see me today-_

However, it flashed again, even more blinding this time, and without any warning, a deep, uncontrollable pain surged and spread across his body, from his head to his chest to his arms to his legs and feet, agonizingly freezing like ice-water that was close to numbing a person's senses but instead of numbing, tortured with its cold, and it was much, much worse than any pain that he had experienced from overheating, even including the time that he had struggled with creating "Innocent Wind". 

Terrified, without thinking or hesitating, Ai stopped and grabbed onto Reiji's arm, trying to explain, only for his body to suddenly crumble under the agony and fall forward just as the brunet opened his mouth to speak.

"Ai-Ai!"

Reiji Kotobuki

Yelling out to his best friend, Reiji reached forward and caught Ai in his arms, his heart thumping and thudding with sheer shock and horror.

"Ai-Ai, what's going on?" Reiji cried out as he let Ai fall back against his arms and crouched down on the snowy ground. "Are you okay? Ai-Ai!"

As Natsuki crouched down beside Reiji and Camus and Ranmaru sprinted towards them, Ai's lips twisted into a painful wince and he barely managed to whisper, "Something's... excruciating... It... is so cold... and painful..." He flinched and that was when Reiji's eyes dilated with even more shock and disbelief. Blinding blue lights were beginning to streak Ai's body, throughout the length of his neck and his arms, leaving his face being the only visible part of him that was uncoloured by that cold blue. 

W- _What is this doing to Ai-Ai-_

"A-Ai-chan..." Natsuki's worried and terrified whisper shattered Reiji out of his thoughts, "your eyes... Your eyes are..."

Reiji swivelled his head around to look at Ai's eyes and his heart cracked as fear and anguish overtook his soul.

"Their light... is fading away."

Grimly, Camus placed a hand on Ai's forehead and his ice-blue eyes widened slightly, stating that rather than an excessive amount of heat, their best friend was deprived of warmth, for his forehead was much colder than it should be. As Natsuki grasped Ai's hand as a way to try and comfort him, Ranmaru yanked his own maroon coat off and after Reiji and Natsuki carefully moved Ai into sitting position, helped him wear it, only for his heterochromatic eyes to dilate in terror, and he, with a soft curse, muttered that even Ai's arms had gone limp. Staring into Ai's eyes, Reiji could feel his heart shatter at the hollowness of those teal orbs, how devoid of emotion and life they were. It was precisely what they looked like when Ai was rebooting after falling unconscious, but right now, Ai was not rebooting. Ai was awake and conscious and was in unfathomable pain and could hardly speak and-

"Did the forest... t-turn darker...?"

Quivering in Reiji's arms, Ai spoke quietly, his words wavering with the unspoken fear that he almost never expressed to anyone, even to them.

"Because I... I can't see anything..."

Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus all froze at the teal-haired boy's words. _A-Ai-Ai..._ Most likely realizing the truth from their excruciating silence, Ai slowly widened his eyes and released a shaky exhale as his fingers curled around Natsuki's even tighter, tears trickling down his cheeks like rivulets.

"M-My eyes are open... but everything is black... I can't see... I can't see any of you..."

A broken whimper escaped his lips and even more tears fell, breaking Reiji's heart like ice.

"It's so cold... and black... but p-please... don't let go... Please..."

_"Suddenly searching my chest on the left side_

_I have that same "something" as you_

_A "soul"... Even if such fleeting warmth is strong enough to be called that"_

\- "Mune no Kodou", by Ai Mikaze (Shouta Aoi)


	55. Eternal Flower

Natsuki Shinomiya

Just like how the lanterns hidden in the depths of the woods glowed differently depending on the melody being played, like how the exact same lyrics could be interpreted differently based on who was reading them, the same scenery could feel different to the heart depending on who you were with, how much that person or those people meant to you, and how much your heart and theirs were smiling.

Like how sitting by the river alone would be lonely if Natsuki were alone but was most calming to the soul when he came with his dearest friends. Like how the countless silver stars spread throughout the Prussian blue draped across the nightscape were brighter and more beautiful when he was gazing up at them with a heart that was not beating alone but together with theirs. Like how the lavender, blue and white of the flowers in the meadows were more vivid and the pink, red, orange and yellow of the fireworks that blossomed in the dark were much warmer when they were with him, the five of them glancing at one another with earnest smiles in their eyes and lips, the colours and lights etching themselves into memories that would never leave the heart. He knew more than anything how much warmer and brighter and more colourful everything seemed and was when he was with them, and that very fact, as well as the pieces of all those moments and memories, would never be forgotten by him, no matter what.

But... as much as they were all together right now...

Everything... had turned cold. Very, very cold.

"You guys... c-can have your jackets... and coats... back."

Ai trembled in Natsuki's arms, his fingers quivering too as they curled weakly around his own.

"You guys... might catch a cold."

"Us catching a cold does not matter right now, Ai!" Ranmaru yelled, shaking his head incredulously as Reiji pressed his foot hard against the accelerator pedal and drove even faster. "You can hardly move and you haven't stopped shaking from the moment you fell in the woods! The four of us catching a cold is freaking nothing; if giving you our outerwear is helping your cause, that's more than enough for the whole lot of us!"

Ranmaru gritted his teeth as he and Natsuki held Ai even tighter.

"Hang in there, okay? I know you can't see us, but all four of us are in this with you and takin' you to Hakase. And we ain't leavin' you for even a second, got it?"

"Yeap, Ai-chan," Natsuki agreed, smiling weakly as Camus looked over his shoulder and grunted in agreement and Reiji agreed while keeping his eyes on the road. After realizing how excruciating and cruel Ai's current condition was, Natsuki, Ranmaru, Reiji and Camus had all hurried out of the woods with him and back to the car, with Natsuki carrying a trembling Ai in his arms as he led everyone out. While Camus and Reiji sat at the front, Natsuki and Ranmaru sat at the back with Ai in the middle. All four of the eldest members of the group had given Ai their coats and jackets for them to wear and it had helped a little, but was not nearly enough to stop the teal-haired boy's quivers and pain. His head laid against Natsuki's shoulder, with the weight of his body soundlessly following suit. While both Natsuki and Ranmaru each had one arm draped protectively and reassuring around him, he was bundled up in the four jackets and coats from his friends, quietly inhaling and exhaling from time to time, even as his breath may falter. His right hand was intertwined with Natsuki's, often squeezing a little tighter, as though he was terrified that it was merely an illusion and would disappear. 

Giving Ai's hand a tight squeeze, Natsuki smiled painfully as he looked down into the pair of hollow teal eyes that had lost their sight, not a single flicker of light to be seen as his heart broke a little more at the cruel sight.

_We are with you, just like you are with us. Just like under the ever-changing, glowing lights of those lanterns, just like in every other place that we have visited together, just like always. But right now... you are in so much pain, Ai-chan. As we hold you and hope with all our hearts that everything is going to be okay, you are trembling, your body extremely cold and limp pressed against mine, tears that have fallen glimmering faintly on your cheeks._

The blinding blue light remained streaked against the surface of Ai's hands as the tremors of his body silently quavered through the cold silence like a hollow voice.

_As vivid as those places were, if we were to go to any of them right now, with you being tortured by this much pain and sadness... they would only be extremely hurtful to see. And right now, we don't want to go to any of them at all. Not like this. Not when you are hurting and we are hurting with you._

"I hate to inform you this, but Hakase is not answering any of my calls."

Camus looked over his shoulder, his narrowed, ice-blue eyes deep with grim concern.

"I have called four times consecutively, but I suspect that his cellphone is currently inactive. Therefore, regardless how many attempts I make, all of my calls have been forwarded to voicemail."

"Oh God..."

Ranmaru gritted his teeth as frustration flashed across his heterochromatic eyes.

"How is it that _now_ of all times, when we need him to help Ai more than ever, he ain't respondin'?" he demanded, his voice edged with anger. "The least that he could do is tell us what we can do while we're on the way there so that Ai doesn't have to suffer this much! We're still an hour away and you're tellin' us that there ain't anythin' else we can do?"

"Are the extra layers helpin' at least?" Reiji asked, his voice filled with worry as he made a turn at an intersection.

"A little, but Maru-chan and I could hardly feel it," Natsuki answered softly, shaking his head as he gently placed a hand onto Ai's forehead. Sadness crossed his heart like cold waves. "I tried checking again, but it's still more or less the same. Ai-chan... is the pain disappearing?"

"N-No..." Ai whispered, his voice wavering as Ranmaru and Camus looked down at him. "I... I still can hardly m-move either... It is like my movement... has been numbed while the cold... translated to pain." 

His lips twisted into a quiet wince as his eyes remained an empty teal and he exhaled painfully. 

"An endless pain that does not feel... like it's fading anytime soon."

"Ai-Ai..."

"I'm just glad... that at the very least... I c-can still hear and feel... and speak..."

"Ai, don't say it-"

"Because it's already so dark..." Ai uttered quietly, a lone tear slipping down his right cheek as his hand quivered in Natsuki's, his fingers curling even more as his shoulders trembled, "being unable to see anything... any of you, or even a fragment of light... even as my eyes are open. Even as painful as it is... I am glad... and thankful..."

His other hand clutched the lapel of the olive jacket that Reiji had lent him, his lips wavering slightly.

"...t-that you are here... a-and I know it."

Natsuki could feel the slivers of his already-cracked heart shatter even more into the broken night as he quietly shook his head and whispered Ai's name. Camus' eyes were tight with unspoken pain and Ranmaru hung his head and cursed softly as the cars ahead of them blared their honks and flashed their headlights throughout a night that may be ordinary and innocuous for them but was excruciating and cruel for everyone in this quintet. Out of the corner of his eye, Natsuki could see Reiji tightening his grip on the steering wheel, the brunet trying to resist the urge to turn around knowing that he had to drive safely and properly if it meant getting their teal-haired best friend to the professor as soon as possible, and it only broke the already-shattered night even more knowing how much everyone was suffering for Ai, for their dearest, dearest friend.

_I don't understand why Ai-chan has to suffer like this, why today was so bright only for the cold pain to come overshadowing all of it when all we wanted was to make today special for him..._

Natsuki hugged Ai even tighter as Ranmaru tightened his grip on the teal-haired boy's shoulder, neither of them letting go as the car rode along the road of driven snow.

_Why... does it have to be so cold, dark and painful... when we just wanted him to earnestly smile...?_

"I want... to hear... your voices..."

Ai's voice resounded through the pure silence, quietly as its words were tinged with sadness.

"This darkness... is s-so cold..." he continued softly, even as his voice quivered, "and t-this silence... is m-making it even colder... So... if you can... can you please... let me hear your voices...? Your t-tone... your words... about... anything..."

His lips curled into a weak smile even as his eyes remained devoid of light.

"I just... w-want... to hear you..."

His eyes widened in quiet anguish, Natsuki felt tears well up inside of him as he, Ranmaru, Camus and Reiji who had stopped at a red light looked at one another, the four of them not at all expecting those torturous, fragile words from the youngest of the quintet. Before any of them could speak, Ai's quiet voice reached their ears again.

"How... does the scenery... look like...?"

"Well..."

Reiji swallowed thickly, his right hand gripping the steering wheel even more tightly as his left elbow leaned against the surface of the backrest, his grey eyes glimmering with deep sadness.

"The sun has set, kinda earlier than usual, and that leaves us with the night sky," he slowly spoke, his voice quieter than usual. "As magical as these car drives may be, where we are as of now ain't the best place to have a grand view of the nightscape, of its stars and moon. Not even close."

"I see..."

Ai slowly nodded once, his voice faint.

"Is it... a clear sky?"

"It is," Camus answered, his voice firm but a little softer than it normally was, matching the expression in his ice-blue eyes. "As clear as it can be, without a single cloud or trail of mist to be seen, the moon and its companions are left unveiled on the night sky. From our current viewpoint, that is."

"Is the night bright...?"

"The stars and the moon are shining down on us, gently and faintly," Natsuki replied softly, wrapping his arm around the younger boy a little tighter, trying to not let his own voice tremble as he spoke. "Against the dark, they are truly incandescent, but... not nearly as bright as they could be. Because right now, just like us... they are pouring their light onto you in deep hope that you will be alright."

"No night can ever be as bright as it could be if any single one of us is in pain," Ranmaru added, giving Ai's shoulder a tight squeeze as he shook his head seriously. The light flashed green and Reiji was forced to tear his eyes away and start driving again. "Not even freaking close, and that's how we all feel right now. That's what we all feel and see right now. And it's somethin' that anyone with a heart can see even without their sight, so... you know that already, don't you, Ai?"

"Because the scenery changes... depending on the people... and their emotions..."

Ai smiled slightly, his words quiet but gentle.

"Wasn't... that... what... the four of you... taught me...?"

"It is what we taught one another," Camus corrected, his eyes narrowed slightly but deep with earnestness. "One another, Mikaze."

"One... another..."

Ai whispered weakly, his voice quivering amidst its syllables.

"I find this rather... ironic... Camus."

Camus furrowed his eyebrows. "What exactly are you referring to?"

"Your... voice..." Ai continued, smiling a little more as the car rocked to the right and Camus' eyes remained focused on him with his head turned over his shoulder. "I do not... understand... why there are people... who refer to the tone... you normally use... when you are away from public... as being... incapable... of being gentle." Camus' eyes widened marginally. "Because as stern... and demanding... as it often sounds... even now... it is simultaneously resolute... and gentle... and earnest, amidst its inimitable baritone."

Camus narrowed his eyes again, but this time, they were softer with emotion. "Mikaze."

"Ai," Ranmaru's voice was etched with worry as he stared down at Ai, "we can all hear how painful it is for you to speak. You wanted to hear our voices, right? It's more than fine with us if you just keep quiet while we speak so that you don't have to suffer any more than you already-"

"Ranmaru... your voice... shares... that similarity."

"Of all the people that you can say are similar to me, it ain't any of the whole lot of you, _especially_ Camus and Natsuki!"

"Your voice is outwardly gruff... and often interpreted as impolite... and harsh... and angry..."

"Oi!" 

"You know... that I am just... stating facts..." Ai uttered softly, releasing a small but weak chuckle, "as... I normally do..." His lips twisted into a slight wince and Natsuki immediately gave his hand a tight squeeze as Ranmaru's expression turned even more concerned. "But do recall... that I utilized the word 'outwardly'. Your voice... is also in the lower, deeper range... and as strong-willed as your voice is... even as much as you raise it... on a daily basis... behind your unrestrained anger... and frustration... there has always pulsated a heart... t-that has never stopped... being kind... and soft... throughout your s-strength..."

His body quivered even more, but as he released a wavering breath, he allowed his lips to ease into a small smile.

"After all... f-flames... are powerful... but kind too... right?"

"Ai-Ai..." As Ranmaru lowered his eyes that were filled with emotions amidst which pain existed, Reiji spoke softly but in an anguished tone as he stopped at another red light, looking over his shoulder to face Ai. "Ai-Ai... what's going on in your head right now? Because we don't get why you're saying all this right now, especially when you're in so much pain-"

"Reiji... I am aware that back when... QUARTET NIGHT... was still dysfunctional... before the night you took Natsuki in... I..." he exhaled softly, his words tinged with silent guilt, "almost never gave you any credit... for anything... even when you... earnestly deserved it."

Reiji's eyes dilated in utter shock. "Ai-Ai, you don't have to think about that! It's okay-"

"It's... not..." Ai slowly shook his head, the blue streaks on his hands glinting against the white headlights that flashed through the dark-tinted windows, "... and one of the multifarious things... that I did not... commend you for nearly enough then... was... your voice. I often associated you... and your voice... with w-words... such as 'loud' and 'annoying' a-and... 'excessive'... Words... that never truly... shed light... on what a wonderful voice... it was... that you had..."

Reiji's grey eyes were starting to turn glassy and he blinked a few times, like he was trying hard to not let the tears fall. That was when the traffic light transitioned from red to orange and he quickly turned his head back to the front, readjusting his grip on his steering wheel. However, when Natsuki looked into the rear-view mirror, he could see that the brunet's eyes, while focused on driving the car, were filled with unspeakable torture.

"Your voice... is normally... at a high volume, yes... but... its vibrancy, its brightness, its sheer vividness... all of it combined... is more than enough... to illumine our days... including mine... with colours... Even when I... had yet... to understand... how much it m-meant to me... I don't... believe... that any of those days... would have been near complete... if your voice... wasn't there. From your tone... to your volume... you are unspeakably expressive... and articulate... and your voice displays it vividly... and honestly..."

Reiji's left hand quivered slightly on the steering wheel as he exhaled a trembling breath.

"So even... as excruciating as life may be... please... do not allow anyone... to prevent your voice... from resounding."

"Y-Yep."

Reiji cracked a smile as he looked into the rear-view mirror, the tears more vivid now.

"I got it, our lovely Ai-Ai. I ain't changin' that, especially on any of you."

Natsuki smiled softly, his heart throbbing at his closest friends' sadness and painful warmth, and the hand intertwined with his quietly squeezed a little. His eyes widening slightly, he looked down at Ai, whose head remained on his shoulder but was tilted up slightly towards the direction of looking up at him. "Ai... chan...? Is something wrong...?"

"One of the first things about your voice... that initially piqued my interest... Natsuki... was its versatility."

"Its... versatility...?" Natsuki repeated in a near whisper, confused.

"Your voice... just like its owner... is pure, kind, warm and innocent... It is light... and carefree... and bright... much akin to a warm spring day. I had been... undeniably surprised... when I discovered... how powerful... and passionate that same voice... was capable of being... while singing... emotional songs of... various genres... that strangers... would not have suspected you... of being able... to sing properly given... your gentle nature." Ai laced his fingers along with Natsuki's a bit more as warm tears welled up at the back of the blond's eyes. "It continuously moves me... even just hearing it... and right now... as I sit here with you... the warm spring day in your voice... lingers on... even in the dark that my eyes cannot see beyond."

Natsuki tightened his arm around Ai as the latter smiled gently, the younger boy's words causing his heart to quiver amidst both deep warmth and sadness as tears rose behind his eyes.

"Even the gentlest voices... can echo powerfully too... and that... is what your voice... t-taught me."

"Mikaze, you are well aware that we appreciate your earnest remarks about us," Camus stated, his tone serious like the gaze in his eyes, "but what neither of us comprehends is why you are abruptly speaking of this, in this specific situation no less, with your condition substantially fragile as it is."

"Because it almost sounds like you're saying goodbye," Reiji proceeded, his voice laced with pain and worry as his grey eyes remained on the road while reflecting those same emotions. "And that scares us more than we can say using words, Ai-Ai, because we... we don't wanna ever lose you, ya know."

"I s-said all those words... not to say goodbye or imply that..." Ai spoke gently, shaking his head slightly on Natsuki's shoulder. "I said it... because the soundless heart... that could feel emotions... in my chest... wished to. Because I wished to... Because... one thing that I learnt from you, whether through experience... or observation... was that..."

The small smile that tinged his lips was innocuously peaceful even in the cold night, and Natsuki's heart swelled with deep anguish and warmth all at once.

"That... saying warm things... about the people you love... makes you happy... Isn't that why... all of you... always end up happier... smiling more... after you say warm and kind words... about one another...?" 

His free hand, although quivering, slowly reached up and rested on the left side of his chest. 

"Why... I... feel... warmer now...?"

The lump in Natsuki's throat grew thicker as his heart pulsated even louder amongst emotions that threatened to overflow in this broken night of shards that glinted and reflected the light of Ai's pure, gentle words. Smiling through the tears that were precariously close to falling, Natsuki gave Ai's hand a tight, reassuring squeeze and whispered as evenly as he could, "Yeap, Ai-chan. The warmth of your words, your emotions, your everything... it is blanketing you like the light of the stars, of your kindness."

"Now take it easy, okay, Ai?" Ranmaru carded his fingers through Ai's teal hair and grinned slightly. "While it's real nice to hear ya be that deep and honest, ya really need to not push too much. Ya said that ya wanted to hear our voices, so even if you remain silent, you can count on me, Natsuki, Reiji and Camus to keep talkin' if it means helpin' ya through this broken night."

"We were never the peaceful bunch when it comes to noise levels, after all," Reiji remarked, letting out a weak chuckle.

"Which is a speciality that is bound to never cease," Camus added with a good-natured smirk.

"Y... Yeah..."

Ai laughed quietly, nodding into Natsuki's shoulder.

"It... never will... will it n-"

Ai cut himself mid-sentence as his lips twisted into a wince and his body trembled even more violently, causing Natsuki's heart to thud in painful shock. "Ai-chan!" Camus' eyes widened as Ranmaru and Reiji yelled out to Ai, whose fingers were trying to tighten their hold around Natsuki's own as his lips released quivering breaths. Grasping Ai's hand even tighter, Natsuki held him as he, Camus, Ranmaru and Reiji exchanged looks of worry and fear, all four of them asking the others what to do, if they had any idea what to do, as the blue streaks intensified like engulfing waves that crashed upon their hearts. 

"My... v... voi... ce..."

Staring down at Ai, Natsuki's eyes slowly dilated when he realized that his best friend's voice was gradually turning fainter and fainter, like a star that had fallen from the sky and was watching its own glow fade away into the ephemeral night. "Ai-chan, your voice-"

"It's... d..."

His lips were moving, but not a single syllable could be heard, no matter how silent. Letting out a soft gasp at the cruel realization, Natsuki swivelled his head around to face Ranmaru, who was already facing him with heterochromatic eyes that reflected the deep terror and agony that was wrenching his heart. With Reiji staring at the road with grey eyes filled with fear and anguish and Camus' expression even grimmer than before, Natsuki looked down at Ai and his heart quivered at the words being mouthed at him by lips that were devoid of even the slightest smile:

_I can't speak._

His hand quivering in Natsuki's, Ai shifted a little, his lips slowly moving without a trace of any sound.

_All I can do now... is touch... and hear._

Ranmaru Kurosaki

Ranmaru could swear that he had never hated the colour blue in his life nearly as much as he did right now as the cursed light etched the body of his friend who had not only lost his ability to see, but was now also unable to let his voice out.

Was the colour blue not supposed to be calming? Serene? Assuring? Comforting? If so, then why on freaking earth was it intensifying like cries as it shone on a place where it never belonged? Why was it representing a pain that was not supposed to freaking exist in the first place? Tightening his grip on his close friend, Ranmaru could only grit his teeth as he stared down at the hollow teal eyes that could only stare into blackness as their body trembled without any restraint or control, hardly able to believe that the today that was supposed to be special for Ai was letting him suffer like this. As much as red, which was Ranmaru's theme colour, and blue were often referred to as opposites, he never had anything against the colour blue, or even disliked it, until now, at which he could hardly stand seeing it.

And as a hurricane of thoughts spun around his head wildly, he could not help but remember how the colour blue had been painfully associated with more than one member of this group at least once.

The dark blue of the night sky under which Natsuki had been relentlessly tortured and Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus found him bleeding out.

The cold blue of the waves of the sea into which Aine, Reiji's closest friend, had tried to drown himself.

The blue river that the five of them often frequented at which countless tears had been shed.

And now... these streaks of blue light that only served to represent the suffering brought upon Ai, who never deserved it even the slightest bit, who had spent a painful amount of time being uncertain about his emotions only for his sight and ability to speak to be stolen away from him. And today was his freaking birthday. The four of them - Reiji, Natsuki, Camus and Ranmaru - still had so much more in store to celebrate their close friend's special day and yet... that blue light that was as cold as it was cruel would not disappear even a little.

 _The more I see this cold blue, the more this entire thing is freaking_ killing _me on the inside._

Adjusting the midnight-blue coat wrapped around his quivering friend, Ranmaru could feel the flames of anger and agony smouldering his own heart and threatening to reduce it to mere ashes as he saw Ai's lips twist in pain and the car was stirred to the right sharply.

_If that Hakase knew somethin' about this and didn't tell us, don't blame me if I wanna punch him on the face for puttin' Ai through this._

"Camus, how much longer until we get there?" Ranmaru questioned, not bothering to hide the vexation in his voice.

"20-25 minutes."

"Are you freaking serious?"

"That is on the condition that the traffic does not become more severe than it already is," Camus continued, his eyes grim as they remained lowered to his cellphone. He shook his head. "Kotobuki, I trust that you know your coordinates, so I will momentarily exit the application to attempt to contact Hakase again."

"Yeap," Reiji responded, his voice tight with pain as he glanced at Camus with a weak smile, "you got it, Myu-chan."

"Meanwhile, Shinomiya, Kurosaki, has Mikaze's trembling lessened even by a scant amount?"

"No, Myu-chan," Natsuki answered quietly, shaking his head with sadness flooding his green eyes. "I'm sorry, but... it hasn't stopped even a little. And his hand is still so cold."

Ai parted his lips and mouthed something that Ranmaru could not read. Looking at Natsuki, whom everyone entrusted with reading Ai's lips and speaking for him, Ranmaru felt his heart clench when he saw the younger blond's eyes widen with sorrow as he stared down at the silent teal-haired boy.

"Ai-chan said... he was sorry," Natsuki said softly. He shook his head as hurt flashed across his face. "But Ai-chan, there isn't anything that you need to apologize for. None of this is your fault and we... we just want you to be okay."

His voice cracked slightly.

"There isn't anything that we wouldn't do for you. We love you, Ai-chan!"

Natsuki had ever mentioned that he often forgot that Ai was younger than him. Given how mature, disciplined, knowledgeable and composed Ai was for his age, Ranmaru could understand where Natsuki was coming from. However, at times like now, Ranmaru could vividly see how much of a protective older brother Natsuki was to Ai. He could tell that Natsuki was trying his best to not cry in order to stay strong for Ai throughout this bleeding night and how much love and care he had for the younger boy from the way he held Ai in his arms, how patiently he read his lips, the emotions that filled his eyes and voice like a storm of tears. Wordlessly, Ranmaru reached out and placed a hand on top of Natsuki's head, tousling his soft blond hair gently to reassure him too.

_The four of us - you, me, Camus and Reiji - are and will always be Ai's big bros._

Natsuki raised his head to face him and Ranmaru cracked a pained grin at him, with that being the best smile that he could manage in this broken time. Natsuki smiled sadly in return and they lowered their eyes to Ai again, neither of them wanting to miss even a syllable of what he wished to say.

_We'd do whatever it takes for this pain to end. No words need to be said for that message to be gotten across. Not even a single word._

Ai moved his lips again and Natsuki focused deeply, his green eyes serious.

"'Before you woke me up... this morning... I had... a cold dream... A nightmare.'"

Natsuki quietly nodded as Ai proceeded, speaking softly on behalf of the quivering boy.

"'I was terrified... of a cold eternity... without you guys... of being trapped... in this world... unable... to die... unable... to see you or hear you... again.'"

Those words cracked Ranmaru's heart like shards of glass breaking one another as tears peeked from the corners of Ai's eyes and began to trickle down his face like rivers. All of them knew that Ai had numerous sorrowful thoughts towards the type of being he was, but this... this was one thought that he had never mentioned or even hinted at even once. This cruel, shattered thought... that no one would ever want to see turn into reality. Natsuki, whose green eyes were glistening with pure shock and anguish, had spoken with a faltering voice while saying those words, clearly tortured by the image behind those words. Camus appeared taken aback as well while Reiji, who was trying his best to not look back and instead focus on the road, was clenching his teeth in pain, the knuckles of the hands gripping his steering wheel already a sickly white.

"'But I...'" Ai's lips moved again, despite quivering, and Natsuki continued to speak for him, "'... I believed that neither you four... nor Hakase... would leave me alone... like that... And so... I did not let that cold dream... hinder us... from smiling today... And yet with this twisted irony...'"

Ai let out a quivering breath before moving his lips again, and that was when Natsuki's eyes widened in pure agony.

"'Now I am scared...'"

Natsuki released a trembling exhale as his fingers intertwined with Ai's even tighter.

"'... that I may not live... through... the night.'"

"Don't say that, Ai!" Ranmaru shouted, clenching his fist tightly, his tone blazing with emotion. "You're right when you said that none of us are gonna let you live a cold eternity alone in this world. There ain't any freaking chance that's ever happening; not even over our dead bodies! But you are gonna live through this, got it? We ain't lettin' you slip away either, ya know, no matter how cold tonight is!"

"We have gone through countless ordeals without ever folding our cards, without turning our backs on one another," Camus went on, his ice-blue eyes narrowed with seriousness amidst the unmasked pain present in them. "And we are most certainly _not_ about to start now. Not on you, not on one another, Mikaze. For that will never happen - that, all of us can promise you."

"You're not going to die tonight, Ai-Ai," Reiji told Ai, his voice quavering. "Your four oldest bros - Rei-Rei, Nattsun, Myu-chan and Ran-Ran - are not gonna let that happen. Just like you believe that we will not leave you to live a cold eternity here, believe us when we say that we will not let you die now too, because we won't. We won't and will do everything we can to make sure it does not happen!"

"We will never leave you alone, Ai-chan," Natsuki assured Ai gently, squeezing his hand tightly as he cracked a broken smile. "We love you more than anything and anyone. And neither of those... will ever change. We mean it."

Ai's lips trembled as more tears seeped down his cheeks, wavering breaths slipping free into the cold atmosphere. It only took a brief glance between them for Natsuki and Ranmaru to begin gently wiping the tears away from his cheeks with their thumbs, with the former wiping the left and the latter the right, gently and delicately, one cheek each. Camus extended a hand and softly placed it on Ai's left knee and gave it a tight squeeze while Reiji glanced over his shoulder with a sorrowful but gentle smile, whispering, "Our lovely, precious Ai-Ai..." 

Slowly, Ai spread a quivering arm and immediately recognizing the gesture, Natsuki and Ranmaru wrapped their arms around their tearful friend and hugged him tightly. The two older brothers gently rocked him in their arms in an unspoken yet synchronized rhythm, much like a child who was unable to fall asleep, and from where he was, Ranmaru saw that even as Ai's eyes remained empty, his lips were quivering a little less now, and it calmed him down to a certain degree.

Knowing that Ai wished to hear their voices, Ranmaru was thinking of what to say when the voice of the third and only other person sitting at the back with him began to reverberate softly into his ears.

" _'One, two, the bright memories etched into my mind'_ "

Instantly recognizing the song, Ranmaru's eyes widened and he spun around to face Natsuki, whose green eyes were lowered to Ai, whom he cradled in his arms, tender and warm as he sung soothingly to him. _The part right after the first chorus... of Ai's 'Winter Blossom'..._ He glanced up at Ranmaru, Camus and through the rear-view mirror, Reiji, quietly asking them to sing too, as he continued.

" _'These memories aren't bad, they transform into warmth'_ "

Ah, that was right. Ai had often sung this particular solo song of his to soothe Natsuki and Reiji when any of the two had any nightmares or were unable to sleep because of cold thoughts. And Ranmaru also noticed that Natsuki had skipped to this part of the song instead of starting from the very beginning, and without even needing to ask, he knew why: The first part of the song, with the lyrics that it held, which included the heart-wrenching _"Bye-bye, my dear..."_ , would only bring more sadness to Ai rather than warm him and calm him down. Encircling his arms around Ai even tighter, Ranmaru let his lips slant into a slight smile as he and Camus and Reiji, both who had small, knowing smiles on their faces, began to sing as well.

" _'The distance is too far,_

_And surely there will be days when it hurts_

_Wondering what I should have done,_

_Probably by now... I feel like I understand'_ "

As the four of them sang softly and gently with voices that harmonized in the sadness of the night, Natsuki and Ranmaru carefully pulled away a little to look at Ai, and while the younger boy was still quivering, his lips had eased into a more serene state, a hint of a bittersweet smile existing there, as a few droplets of tears slipped down his face. 

_We got ya, Ai._

Ranmaru patted him on the back a few times as Natsuki squeezed his hand a little, the two of them smiling softly as they watched over their invaluable, close friend.

_We all got ya._

" _'In the end, with a smile... I hope I don't cry_

_So I absolutely won't forget today'_

_'I will live on... within you...'_

_For this love... ooh, thank you...'_ "

Ranmaru remembered how he had always adamantly refused to sing Ai's ballads during karaoke and gaming sessions, knowing fully well that the younger boy would not at all let him off the hook if he mutilated even a single verse of the songs. But right here, in the old-fashioned green car that the five of them rode just about everywhere and was now heading to Hakase's place, he was singing Ai's very first solo ballad with Natsuki, Reiji and Camus, not caring that his singing was not perfect, not caring if Ai slipped in a good-natured, blunt remark later on, with all he wanted being that they were able to alleviate his hurting at least a little more, for their friend deserved that and more.

_"A cold eternity"... Don't ever let your mind wander off to that ever again, Ai._

" _'And now, this entire existence... known as me,_

 _I'll protect the flower you've become,'_ "

_'Cause you have a bright eternity with us._

" _'Somehow, I believe... In the future, this seed'_ "

_All of us. And that..._

" _'Will bloom into my heart... I'm sure!'_ "

_... won't ever be a lie._

" _'My promise to you...'_ "

Reiji Kotobuki

During the entire car ride, it had taken every fibre of strength inside Reiji's being to not let a single tear fall or else he would have broken down right there and then.

Being the person driving the car, he was hardly able to look at Ai, with most of the time that he got to watch over him being when the car stopped at red lights or was trapped in the middle of traffic. Every time he had had to force his eyes away from the trembling boy whose cheeks were marked with tears, Reiji had felt the lump in his throat thicken as he tried to hold back his tears and sobs, gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles had gone pale, painful warmth welling up at the back of his own eyes.

 _Don't cry now, Reiji_ , he muttered to himself in his head. _We're almost there and Ai-Ai's much calmer now. Don't let the tears fall. Don't let the sobs be heard._

Reiji swallowed thickly as he turned at yet another intersection, his heartbeat unsteady and loud in his ears and chest, unable to stop his own body from shaking.

_Ai-Ai can be tended to by Hakase soon. He'll be okay. He will be-_

A hand suddenly pressed down onto his left shoulder and squeezed firmly.

His eyes slowly widening, Reiji turned and saw Camus facing him with a slight but earnest smile, mouthing, _We are alright, Kotobuki_ , with the words "It is okay to cry" hidden beneath those syllables. Camus then gestured at the rear-view mirror and letting out a shaky exhale, Reiji raised his head and saw that through the mirror, both Natsuki and Ranmaru were looking at him too, the two males giving him gentle smiles that assured him that they would all be okay. And between them, Ai had stopped crying as his head laid against Natsuki's shoulder, his lips pained but a little more serene than before. 

_Just a few more turns and we'll arrive, Ai-Ai._

Cracking a watery smile at his four dearest people, Reiji felt no guilt or regret as his first tear of the night slipped down his right cheek and he continued to drive them to Hakase's house, as the snow continued to fall from the sky like white flower petals.

_Our precious Ai-Ai who will forever be our flower... we'll be there soon and when we are... we'll be right inside with you - as family. The letter "f" in the "five" of us is "forever", after all, which is just like everyone promised and proved tonight..._

Letting out a quiet, shaky exhale, Reiji saw the streetlamps that they passed flash with a near blinding white as the tears threatened to blur his eyes over. However, blinking through those tears, Reiji sniffled and gripped his steering wheel and continued to drive, his heart palpitating loudly in his chest.

_And that "forever" is not and will not ever be frozen, because we will always have one another, just like how even the coldest winter always has a warm spring waiting for it at the very end. It's snowing coldly and endlessly right now, but just like you sang in "Winter Blossom", snow shares a similarity with sakura flowers, with both being a silent white, right?_

The lyrics echoing soundlessly in his head, Reiji peered at Ai through the rear-view mirror and saw him quietly resting his head against Natsuki's shoulders even as he quivered, before he carefully made another turn in the neighbourhood, drifting along the snow that had fallen onto the grey road.

_When this night is over, instead of simply cold, the snow, just like sakura and lavenders that you love, will be gentle, for you have us to make sure of it, Ai-Ai._

Camus

"Hakase!"

Upon slamming the front door open, Ranmaru shouted out to Ai's professor, his fists clenched tightly as he stormed across the area and glanced around.

"Hakase, where are you? We know that we're earlier than we agreed on, but right now, we have a freaking emergency! We need ya to help Ai!"

Camus shut the door firmly behind him as he, Reiji and Natsuki glanced around the house as well, with the latter carrying the trembling Ai in his arms. Although arriving at the destination should have provided a form of reassurance or comfort to them, from the moment they entered Hakase's place of residence, its cold silence gave way to an eerie, ominous feeling inside of Camus, and when it came to trusting his gut, he was normally correct. Ranmaru and Reiji flung open door after door, calling out to the middle-aged man as Camus and Natsuki followed closely behind them.

"The lab is this way, right?"

"Yeap!"

"Let's go!"

Ranmaru and Reiji hurried towards the direction of the laboratory and Camus and Natsuki followed. As he walked briskly beside Natsuki, Camus shifted his eyes down to Ai and his heart clenched slightly at the hollow teal eyes staring up at the ceiling. As much as Camus had seen multifarious horrendous sights throughout his life, he would be lying if he said that the lack of life and emotion in his dear friend's normally-calm yet bright eyes did not have cause any twinge of emotion to occur in his heart. Gritting his teeth, Camus tapped onto the screen of his cellphone and attempted to call Hakase again, more than half-sure that he was somehow absent from his own house at the very moment. Yet a few seconds later, the result was unavoidably the same cold result: emotionless static.

_Hakase, how dare you-_

"He ain't freaking in here either! Where on earth is-"

"Aine's gone!"

His eyes widening at the sound of Reiji's words, Camus exchanged looks of disbelief with Natsuki as they entered the laboratory area of the house, only to discover that the eldest of the group was indeed correct. The encapsulated bed that a comatose Aine Kisaragi had occupied for years was currently empty, with not even a lock of hair to be seen. The monotonous beeping of machines was all that could be heard from the dull workplace as Ranmaru slammed a fist against the wall and cursed a few times and Reiji yelled out to both Aine and Hakase in sheer fear and worry, those exact emotions sheening the brunet's wide grey eyes.

"'Aine... is not... here too...?'"

Camus swivelled around to face Natsuki, who was carefully reading Ai's lip movement again, and the younger blond slowly shook his head as pain tinged his green eyes.

"No, Ai-chan... Aine is not on his bed and we haven't been able to see anyone else here."

"I have attempted to call Hakase's mobile number again," Camus spoke up, glancing around at Reiji, Ranmaru and Natsuki grimly, "but unfortunately, he somehow remains unresponsive."

"So what do we freaking do?" Ranmaru exclaimed, grabbing a fistful of his own spiky silver hair. "Life can't just freaking expect us to just let Ai suffer all the way 'til the appointed meeting time! That's just freaking messed up!"

"Ai-Ai," Reiji spoke with a soft, tortured voice, approaching Ai and Natsuki with unsteady footsteps, "is the pain getting any lesser? Are you going to be able to wait until 10 if we have to?"

"'No... the pain... is still the same... and cold...'" Ai's lips moved again and Natsuki began speaking for him again, the latter's green eyes tight with pain. "'On the condition... that... it does... not aggravate... I... believe... that I... can endure this... until... Hakase... comes.'"

"Will lying down help?" Ranmaru questioned, gesturing at the empty bed behind him. "'Cause he can lie down here if it will do any good."

Ai opened his mouth again, but out of a sudden, the blue light that had streaked his body began glowing with an even-greater intensity, spreading along his skin like cold waves that blinded rather than soothed the aching soul. His hollow eyes widened as Natsuki and Reiji cried out to him and he quivered even more violently in the former's arms, quiet, unsteady breaths slipping out of his lips without any restraint. While Natsuki tightened his arms around the teal-haired boy, Camus reached out for Ai's left hand and Reiji took hold of his right hand while Ranmaru clasped his right hand over the top of Ai's head. Even though not a single one of them had any clue as to what was unravelling before their eyes, no one was about to let go of Ai, not even by the slightest ounce.

_We will not allow our promise to slip from our grasps._

Staring down at the trembling Ai, Camus tightened his hand around the younger boy as his own heart clenched painfully in his chest, turning grimmer with each evanescent, slipping moment.

_Never, Mikaze. Never._

Ai's lips, although quivering, slowly opened, as though in shock, and closed again within moments, his eyes widened marginally.

Frowning deeply, Camus was about to ask what was the matter when the tremors of Ai's body slowly began to lessen, like a pendulum that was gradually decelerating with each repetitive swing. As did the glowing blue that had seared the surface of his body, resembling the extinguishing of a candlelight's wavering flame in this empty lighting. Eventually, within a few evanescent moments that disappeared into the hollow, broken night, Ai completely stopped trembling and the blue light on his visible skin was no more, leaving him laying limply in Natsuki's arms without a single sound or movement detected from him as his hollow eyes stared up at the ceiling.

"Ai-chan...?" 

Natsuki called out softly to Ai, his green eyes filled with deep concern.

"Ai-chan, can you hear me? Ai-chan?"

"Ai-Ai?" Reiji began calling out as well, shaking Ai on the shoulder, the worry amplifying in his voice with each lack of response. "Ai-Ai? Ai-Ai!"

"Ai!"

As Ranmaru shouted out to Ai, Camus called out the younger boy's name as well, gripping his hand even tighter in his own as his heart turned grimmer and grimmer, adamantly refusing to counter in the worst possibilities just yet. However, at that very moment, Ai's hollow eyes began to slowly slide to a close, the teal colour of those eyes disappearing like an ephemeral illusion being concealed behind veils of curtain, much to their shock and anguish.

"No!" Reiji shouted, his voice cracking.

But no matter how many voices shattered, Ai's eyes fell to a close, vaguely reminding Camus of how waves would always fall regardless how high they may rise, and did not open regardless of their calls and cries to him. And Camus could only grit his teeth in utter helplessness, a wretched emotion that he despised more than anything, as Ranmaru shrieked with a burning voice that could not light a single ember against this cruel coldness and tears that could not bring even a smidgen of warmth to the heart started to fall from Reiji and Natsuki's eyes and slip down their cheeks.

Gripping Ai's hand tightly, Camus quietly uttered that it would be best if they laid Ai down on the bed and that at this very moment, they had no option but to wait for Hakase and allow time to tell what would occur next, all while staying by their dear friend's side, all while doing so in this cold and hollow room in which their hearts pulsated without a trace of warmth as they hoped deeply that he would eventually awaken and that when he did...

Camus felt his own heart wrench in his chest.

... his pain was no more, regardless how broken now was.

Ai Mikaze

_What... am I doing here...?_

Blinking carefully two times, Ai quietly took in his surroundings, well aware that this was not reality, uncertain as to for what reason in particular he was standing here alone, his eyesight and voice restored in this ephemeral place that would disappear once he regained consciousness in the real world.

_Why am I here... when I need to return to them, to Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus?_

Standing in the middle of the flower meadows that Natsuki had first introduced to him and Reiji more than four months ago, Ai noticed that here, it was not winter, but spring instead. Lavenders, blue forget-me-not flowers, yellow daffodils and white dandelions were in full bloom amidst countless other kinds of flowers, granting this place that would have been lifeless otherwise vivid colours and light, just like a warm melody filling a hollow room. Taking a few steps forward, Ai had yet to fathom the situation in hand, but his mind told him that this was not an ordinary or insignificant dream. That depending on his definition of the term "dream", this may not even be classified as a dream in the first place. 

As confused as he was, however, Ai wandered in the meadows that were illumined by the warm sunshine that allowed the clear azure sky to glow, hoping to find the answers that he needed so that he could go back to his four dearest people who were undoubtedly waiting for him back in reality, whom he was already worrying by being trapped in this ephemeral place. Just as he reached a particular tree that was surrounded by blue, purple and white forget-me-not flowers, he found himself facing the back of a familiar figure. Letting out a quiet gasp, he was about to speak when a voice stopped him.

"This is not a dream. This is a place where the connection of our minds meet, the connection that had been represented by the blue lines that had streaked your body throughout your journey back to my uncle's laboratory, a place that is incredibly special to you and that I was able to see through your memories and emotions."

His voice gentle but even, the person turned around, revealing a physical appearance that almost completely mirrored Ai's, with a few differences such as his teal hair being let entirely loose and his eyes being more cheerful and brighter. However, as much as his eyes had a more-blithe appearance in general, they now held a sorrowful expression as their owner let out a soft exhale before speaking again.

"I'm Aine. Kisaragi Aine, whom my uncle had connected to you in the hopes of waking up. And while you were trying to wake me up from the worst mistake that I ever made... I saw and felt how much sadness, pain, guilt and anguish I caused to everyone. To you, to Hakase, to Kei, to Hibiki, to the people you love and care about..."

Aine's lips twisted into a painful smile as his lips trembled, his eyes lowered in guilt.

"Especially Reiji..." his voice wavered a little, "my best friend... who even fell into depression because he blamed himself for what I did to myself... when that... that was all me. And yet... I was given another choice to make after the choice that had nearly ruined him. Either answer would have caused everyone pain, but only one was right... and this time, I chose it."

He raised his head and looked directly into Ai's eyes.

"And I chose this... for you." His voice was quiet but resolute. "You... and Reiji... and Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus. And right as we speak... that decision... is already turning into reality, even as painful as it is for everyone involved. And for that... Ai... I am so sorry."

_"In the end, with a smile... I hope I don't cry_

_So I absolutely won't forget today_

_"I will live on... within you...""_

\- "Winter Blossom", by Ai Mikaze (Shouta Aoi)


	56. Heartbeat

Ai Mikaze

Endings were not always painless or blissful. 

Just like how not all seeds managed to grow into flowers that blossomed and allowed their petals to soar in the breeze on a warm spring day, like how not all summer days were bright with sunshine, like how the vivid red, orange and brown leaves of autumn were not always seen to be beautiful and hopeful by the soul, like how the snowflakes of winter were not always gentle and precious to the beating heart. Like the clear water that could either calm you or drown you away, like the bright sky that you could either reach up to or wish to fall from. 

Standing in the middle of an evanescent imitation of the flower meadows that he had grown to cherish not only for its aesthetics but the memories and emotions that he shared with his closest friends there, Ai stared at the newly-awoken Aine Kisaragi, whose words that had been accompanied by profound sadness were unable to be completely pieced together and fathomed by his logic-driven mind. What did he mean when he told Ai that he had made a choice? A choice that was for Ai as well as Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus? And that it would bring pain to all of them? Not to mention... it was already changing reality even as Ai was here with him? As his loose, unbuttoned lilac vest was ruffled by the gentle breeze that could not calm his mind at the moment, he parted his lips and with a voice that chose to remain composed despite his earnest confusion and concern, spoke.

"Can you please explain further, Aine?"

Ai noticed that his own voice nearly wavered, but it could not be helped, for the truth was that this uncertainty was growing to nearly terrify him.

"What choice did you make? How is it affecting reality? And why..."

_"And for that... Ai... I am so sorry."_

"Why... did you apologize?"

Not all apologies granted resolutions. Neither were they always capable of mending mistakes that could never be undone. And now the apology that had been given to him... was doing neither, for it only brought a pang of sadness and fear surging through his chest like a quiet yet uncontrollable cadence with pieces that demanded to be understood. The last time that he was in the real world, he had lost his sight, followed by his voice, and finally, his consciousness, all while the pain and grief ceased for neither him nor his closest friends. And now he had just been told that there was more pain to come, without any context or basis, and he knew that even though he could not see them, Reiji, Natsuki, Camus and Ranmaru were already grieving and terrified as it already was, tears most likely already shed. Averting his eyes away, Aine proceeded to close them in silence as his face remained as serene as it could be amidst the sadness that dyed his features like the crystal-blue that tinted the ocean, and Ai could only wonder what was occurring in the older boy's head.

_Based on his choice of words, it appears that he has woken up from his comatose state for quite some time now. My question would be that if it is truly so... why did neither he nor Hakase inform me, Reiji or any of us?_

The flowers danced in rhythm with the evanescent breeze, and as delicate as that simple movement was, it only served to amplify the sadness that seeped through the atmosphere and into his invisible, soundless heart.

_And why... is our sorrow only increasing with each passing moment of silence?_

"When my uncle, Hakase, requested for you to not pay any visits to his house and thus, his laboratory, just two weeks ago, he said that it was because he would be out of the city and that he did not wish to risk anyone accidentally stumbling across me in my comatose state if you happened to be followed."

Aine softly broke the silence, his eyes still closed and lowered to the flowers on the ground.

"The truth is, Ai... he lied. He did not want you or any of your friends, let alone anyone else, coming over to his house, because I... I had woken up. Because after years of being unconscious while connected to you, of seeing what you saw and feeling what you felt, I had been woken up by you, and it was then when I was given a choice to make; the one I mentioned earlier. I was given two options to choose from and once I decided... Hakase and I had to make our move. And it would not have worked if any of you found out, which was why Hakase had to hide the truth from all of you."

Slowly opening his eyes, Aine quietly raised his head up to face Ai again and offered a slight smile.

"And the time limit... was 10 p.m. of the day that an android who got to have a genuine soul was born. Your birthday, Mikaze Ai, who was created by a miracle amidst an artificial body, and that day is today, the first of March. That was why Hakase requested for all five of you to be at the laboratory by that given time. Because that was the arranged time in which my choice was to shift reality permanently. But..."

"The time was moved forward," Ai remarked with a quiet voice, beginning to fathom the situation even more, as he narrowed his eyes slightly. "That is the reason why the blue light started appearing when the five of us were still in the woods, right?"

Aine nodded in confirmation, his eyes glimmering with pain. "You are right, Ai. I saw what was happening and told Hakase, and he feels extremely guilty towards all of you. However, both of us knew that we could not intervene even if we wanted to. That is why Camus could not reach him regardless how many calls he made and why he is not at his home. It was deliberate, because it is part of the process that the choice that I made took in order to be turned into reality."

Aine's bangs fluttered a little in the wind as his eyes grew serious.

"That blue light, the representation of our connection," his voice was quiet but firm, "marked the beginning of the last test. And it was your test as much as it was Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus' as well. A test to see how much the five of you truly loved and cared about one another, how you would handle one another's hardship, a test of friendship, strength and loyalty. And last but not least..."

He looked directly into Ai's eyes, his gaze unwavering, as he took steady, measured steps closer.

"A test that ensured that you genuinely understood what it means to be a human being, Ai. Because once you depart from this place that only serves to be an imitation of the real one, you will not only regain your sight and your voice. You will gain something else: a miracle, just like that miracle that allowed a true soul to exist in an artificial body and be his own person rather than be ruled and defined by programmes and codes."

Once directly in front of Ai, Aine stopped walking. Instead, he placed his right hand on the left side of Ai's chest, gently but firmly, and his lips eased into a warm smile.

"You will no longer be an android, Ai. You will be human, just like me, just like Reiji, Natsuki and everyone else you hold dear to you."

A quiet, shaky gasp slipped from between Ai's lips as he stared at Aine, his mind struggling to believe that he had heard the words correctly. Taking in a deep breath and releasing it into the warm air, Ai did his best to remain calm as he slowly tried to confirm whether he sincerely understood the words or was somehow imagining them.

"I..." he started, his voice quivering with emotion, "... I... will be... an actual human being...? In the real world, when I return...? I..." 

He relinquished a shaky exhale, uncertainty welling up inside his chest.

"Is that true... Aine?"

Even uttering the words felt extremely foreign to him, for it was a wish that he never thought had even a smidgen of possibility of ever being granted, of ever being considered reasonable or attainable. However, Aine gave him a gentle smile and nodded, not a single trace of dishonesty in those bright, gentle eyes, and it made his eyes widen. An immeasurable warmth coursed through Ai's chest, threatening to overwhelm him as his lips curved into a sincere smile and tears welled up at the back of his eyes, like a maelstrom of water and light. But... Ai did not forget Aine's words about the existence of pain being caused to everyone involved, and it stifled the flow of warmth within his heart like a numbing cold. So slowly, he placed his own hand above Aine's on his chest and spoke again, concern obscuring the brief moment of happiness like shadows.

"But Aine... what is the consequence of the choice that you made?"

An acute sorrow slipped through Ai's chest like cold fog as his voice remained quiet.

"You mentioned that there was pain for every person involved. What is the source of that pain, Aine? What did you have to choose between?"

Aine's eyes widened, as though he had not expected Ai to ask that question this soon. Within mere moments, the same harrowing sadness reached his bright eyes again like the sunshine that carried a painful warmth and he slipped his hand away from Ai's, releasing his chest. Ai felt his own anguish intensify like waves at the sight of Aine's expression as the older male slowly backed away with that unchanged sadness, his hair and clothes flowing soundlessly in the spring wind, his broken smile giving neither hints nor answers under the vivid sunlight. He stopped when he was just about a metre away from Ai and shook his head, his eyes lowered, not a single syllable to be heard from his kind voice. Concerned, Ai was about to call his name when Aine faced him again, and he soon found himself taken aback by the tears threatening to fall from the newly-awoken boy's eyes that smiled even as he was about to cry.

Shaking his head, Ai stepped forward and called his name. "Aine-"

"Don't, Ai."

Aine shook his head again, his eyes as pleading as his voice as Ai froze.

"Please do not make this more painful than it already is, Ai." His voice trembled with unspoken anguish. "Please."

"Aine-"

"I had to choose who had to disappear."

Ai's eyes dilated as Aine cut him off mid-sentence, the words trapped in his throat.

"There were two options and no matter which I chose, it involved the disappearing of one person. And both people are loved and cared for. The disappearing of any of them will cause unspeakable pain to those who love and care about them with all their heart. And the people that I was forced to choose from... are the exact two people who are standing here amidst these flowers right now."

The first tear slipping down his cheek, Aine looked into Ai's eyes with a heartbreaking smile.

"I had to choose between _us_ , Ai. You and me. One of us has to disappear. And deep down, I knew that as cruel as both choices were, only one was right. And so... Ai..."

Aine gently placed a hand over the centre of his own chest, his voice cracking amidst a few quiet sobs as his smile trembled on his lips.

"I chose for you to stay... while I... I was to disappear."

Ai stared at Aine in utter shock and disbelief as his own throat thickened with unspoken emotion, sadness and anguish overtaking his heart amidst a hurricane of confusion and unfathomed pieces. "You chose... for me to stay... over yourself...?" Aine nodded in silence as tears slipped down his cheeks and Ai shook his head in pure agony. "Why, Aine?" His own voice cracked as his emotions quivered violently. "Why did you do that?" As Aine wordlessly clenched his fists with trembling shoulders, a shadow fell upon Ai and he lifted his head up, only to find a white canary sweeping down the sky in a graceful arc towards him. It was the white canary that Ai befriended at the park when he was with Natsuki and Reiji, the first animal that he became friends with. 

The white canary landed gently on his finger, delicately yet firmly, resembling a snowflake that wished to assert its existence, even if ephemeral, as it piled up on the ground to create winter. It chirped softly and innocently, but unlike Natsuki, Ai could not fathom a single word of what the small creature had said. Nevertheless, it was not from this canary that mirrored the first animal that he had ever befriended whom Ai desired answers from. At the centre of the flower meadows that glistened beneath the vivid sunshine and clear azure sky, Ai shifted his eyes back to Aine, who was now quietly watching him with a serene smile that was dyed in mild sadness amidst his tears. Letting out a quiet, calmer exhale, he parted his lips and spoke.

"The first option that I was given was that while I remained living, you were to disappear from existence in this world."

Aine spoke carefully and softly, understanding how painful his words were.

"Nothing would happen to me. I would still have all our memories and live without any condition imposed on me. But... if that choice was the one made... you would die, Ai. The moment the blue light that was our connection disappeared, your life would be lost as well. And I... that was the last thing I wanted." His voice broke a little as he shook his head. "I did not want to live if it meant that you had to die. That would have been extremely cruel and selfish of me. Not only would it have taken the life that you sincerely deserved to live, but it would break the people who love and care about more than anything. Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru, Camus, as well as Eli, Ren, Hakase too... among so many others... And it would break me too. Because I wouldn't be able to live knowing that I was only able to live that way because I sacrificed someone who deserved to live even more than I did and that same person saved me."

"Aine, you deserve to live as much as I do-" Ai began, his own emotions shattering in his chest.

"And there was the second choice." Aine stopped Ai, his voice straining to remain calm even as tears dribbled down his cheeks and glimmered under the sunlight. The white canary on Ai's finger took a few small steps further from his fingernail, slowly and quietly. "And it was much more complicated than the first choice. Choosing that choice meant that entire trial would occur. And if you and your friends passed that trial, which you all did, you would turn into a human being instead of remain as an android. You would have a heartbeat, arteries and veins instead of wires, blood instead of current, all that a normal human being would have. However, once that trial is over... I will start to disappear. Except that... not by death."

Aine smiled sorrowfully, his eyes reflecting the anguish in Ai's heart.

"I will lose all my memories," he revealed softly, his voice laced with pain, and those words were more than enough to bring a painful chill running down Ai's spine. "Of all of you, even Reiji, Kei and Hibiki, even you and Hakase. And with Shining Saotome having made the arrangements, Hakase will help me start a new life in another city, another country, away from the life that I had tried to escape by plunging myself into the sea, for you and I... cannot co-exist in the same place."

"Aine..." 

Ai whispered, the soft syllable fading into the silent breeze. Even though he never experienced memory loss himself, he understood how excruciating it must feel for one to know that they did not remember the people that you loved and cared about the most, the things that they loved about them, the memories and experiences that they shared with them, their smiles that gave them life colours and light. And to be unable to see them again, to talk to them, to hold them, to hug them, to smile with them. And Aine... Aine had willingly sacrificed all of that... so that Ai could become human and live with Reiji, Natsuki, Camus, Ranmaru and everyone else. Tears threatening to fall from his own eyes, Ai tried to find the right words to say, even as uncertain as he was as to whether there were any right words in this broken fate, but before he could say anything, Aine spoke again.

"Ai, do not apologize or thank me. You do not have to. Really. I know how you feel and that... that is more than enough for me."

Aine's lips curved into a warm smile that only cracked Ai on the inside even more.

"Besides... I am glad... that I got to give you something... after all that you have given me," Aine admitted. "After what all of you have given me through the memories, emotions and thoughts that I got to touch through you."

His eyes softened with pure emotion.

"The reason that I am here... is because all of you... were able to touch my heart."

The flower meadows slowly began to fade away and without warning, the white canary that had been perched on Ai's index finger flapped its wings and soared up into the endless blue sky, disappearing from his sight within fleeting moments. The flower meadows disappeared, only to be replaced by another place that Ai had undoubtedly visited before: the frozen lake in the forest that the five of them often went to together. And last Christmas, the five of them had had a snowball fight while skating on the frozen water and Ai's teammate had been-

"Camus showed me that no matter how frozen things may seem, there is always a radiant warmth present, a precious warmth to be discovered and embraced."

Aine smiled gently as he spoke, white snowflakes fluttering down the morning sky like sakura petals.

"He appears to be a frigid and indifferent person on the outside, but he is unwaveringly loyal. Loyal, strong and earnest, even if his two-faced personas imply otherwise. His ice-blue eyes appear cold, but beneath them held a warm soul who would do anything for his friends, even if subtle, like when he used his powers to heal your injuries and his connections to free Ranmaru from his debt. And he protected and stood up for all of you without any restraint, used his magic to heal, and even as intelligent as he is, he never lied to any of you. Even if he did not explicitly say it, he loves you, Reiji, Ranmaru and Natsuki more than anyone and anything. Just like how snow is cold but gentle, so is he. And it's beautiful."

Ai felt his lips ease into a sincere smile at those words about his close friend. He was earnestly glad that there was another person besides himself, Natsuki, Reiji and Ranmaru who understood the person that Camus actually was and saw through his cold demeanour. He earnestly was. Aine laughed softly and the scenery flashed into white then back into colour, transforming into another completely-dissimilar yet familiar place.

"Everyone in your quintet is much more complicated than they appear on the surface. And numerous of those complications are interrelated with emotions. Deep, earnest emotions of the heart."

Wrapping one hand around the silver railing of the balcony, Aine looked down from the sky-scraping height of the open balcony and turned to give Ai a slight smile.

"Ranmaru is not at all an exception. Even from the outside, it is clear how passionate he is as both a musician and a person. The anger and frustration of his voice when he yells, the tears that streamed down his face when he could not lock his pain within himself any longer, the emotion that burns in his voice when he sings and cries... He is truly the essence of his own words that said that the 'e' in the word 'live' is empathy. Not once was he ever hypocritical about it, and the memory of how affected he was when your friend Eli Kizuna revealed what happened here on this balcony, even now, is lingering and powerful in my head and heart. He is like a fire, bright and burning..."

Aine's lips curved a little more as his eyes glimmered.

"And he has all of you to make sure that he never loses himself to the flames that he light up for everyone's sake."

Ai smiled as the memory of Ranmaru sitting in the living room and playing his newest solo song "Be Proud" for all of them with a true smile and glistening tears flickered inside his head, never to be forgotten by the mind and heart. As hot-headed and violent as he may be, Ranmaru had always been kind and gentle. And his drive to live would never be extinguished, no matter what. Looking down beyond the railing, Ai saw petals of pink alstroemeria flowers float gracefully down the soundless sky, the flowers representing the unchanged feelings that a young boy would always have for his closest friend who had let herself fall from this very height. When he raised his head up to face Aine again, the scenery slowly faded again, quietly replaced by another.

"Bright, broken and beautiful... just like the night sky that was adorned by the crescent moon and a sea of stars, just like that sidewalk with those white streetlamps and colourful buildings, just like the serene waters that reflected those lights..."

A drop of water landed on the soundless river, causing a ripple to spread out like a blossoming star in a quiet night.

"Natsuki Shinomiya..." Aine uttered, his voice a near whisper, "is the kindest person I have ever seen."

Staring up at the night sky that was illuminated by countless silver stars and the crescent moon, the nightscape that was reflected by the serene, gentle river, Aine exhaled deeply and his eyes softened under the pure starlight.

"No matter how much he was hurt, no matter how much sadness he felt, he never stopped being incredibly kind and warm. He is deeply earnest and innocent and he has always been growing stronger and able to smile for all of you even after getting hurt for you guys' sake. Part of his lyrics said that he wanted to shine brighter than Sirius, right? He did and does, and he is shining brilliantly, touching the hearts of everyone around him simply by being his warm, earnest self, always putting those he loves and cares about before himself with that gentle smile. But speaking of that... I know what Kei and Hibiki did to him in the alleyway..."

Aine smiled painfully as his eyes met Ai's again.

"And I am so, so sorry for that. None of you, including him, deserved that at all. That was one of the most heartbreaking and terrifying memories that I got to see through you, Ai, and... even now, the thought that Natsuki nearly died that night because of them and Ozrock... brings tears to my heart. That kind, loving boy who has always touched hearts so deeply should not have even suffered in the first place."

"That isn't your fault, Aine."

Shaking his head briefly, Ai gave the other boy a reassuring smile despite the sorrow wrenching his insides, the memories bringing an old ache blooming in his chest.

"It was their choice, not yours. And even though he is not present, I am absolutely certain that Natsuki would be deeply warmed knowing that you care about him this much."

"How could I not?"

Aine let out a quiet laugh.

"Reiji was right when he spoke to my comatose self saying that I would love Natsuki. Getting to know him through you, I grew to love him, just like I grew to love you, Ranmaru and Camus too, even if I had not met any of you in person before. The friendship and love that the five of you share is unspeakably precious and beautiful, as well as moving, and I am extremely grateful that I got to watch the five of you together."

"I am certain that if they got to know you, they would love you as well, Aine," Ai remarked as the stars continued to glisten amidst the darkness, just like how Natsuki's eyes had always, always glowed with pure warmth when he was with Ai, Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru. "All of them, including Camus and Ranmaru."

"I believe you," Aine stated, his eyes shimmering with emotion. "I really do. And it is really kind of you to say, Ai."

Aine let out a quiet sigh.

"And I am happy that more than anything... everyone's kindness... was able to reach... the person who loved me dearly and yet I caused to fall into severe depression by attempting to disappear and die. The innocent, amazing best friend that I didn't deserve and nearly ruined because of what I did."

His lips curved into a broken smile as pure guilt and remorse filled his teal eyes.

"Reiji."

His voice cracked audibly at the sound of Reiji's name and in a twinkling of an eye, the scenery transformed again, soundlessly rebuilt into a place that had an unreservedly different view of the same nightscape. Ai's eyes widened marginally as Aine's honest tears glistened under the red, pink and yellow lights of the Ferris Wheel that changed colours every 37 seconds, under the glowing buildings that surrounded this place that may be merely a form of entertainment or tourism spot for most people but was inexplicably much more than that to every member in the quintet. Standing just a few steps away from the Ferris Wheel, Aine exhaled a quiet, uneven breath as the tortured smile on his lips trembled like the ephemeral flame of a candle being stroked by the silent wind.

"Seeing him in person one last time... would have made this goodbye even more difficult and excruciating than anything."

The lights changed to blue, green and indigo as Aine's jacket was ruffled by the howling breeze that could barely be heard amidst the distorted music of the amusement park, a few warm tears trickling down his cheeks as they reflected those incandescent colours.

"He has always been sincerely thankful to have me by his side, but he never gave himself near enough credit for being such an irreplaceable, amazing best friend and person to me. Reiji considered himself dishonest, incapable and cruel when all this time, it has always been the exact opposite. He called himself selfish, but he did not stop smiling, laughing and cracking jokes for everyone even as it wounded him on the inside. He believed that he deserved to die, but more than anything, he deserved to live with a bright smile. A bright, earnest smile. He thought that he deserved to be alone, to have his true self hidden in the shadows never to be consoled or smiled at... all because my mistake... caused him to blame himself and shatter. And that, more than anything..."

His voice broke audibly, its slivers piercing through Ai's chest like shards of glass.

"... is what is the most difficult to forgive myself for."

_Forgive..._

Ai felt a couple of warm tears roll down his cheeks as the painful word echoed soundlessly inside his head like a drop of starlight in the endless darkness. He remembered how Reiji had broken down inside the passenger car of the Ferris Wheel, sitting alone with Natsuki, his fedora no longer on his head, tortured sobs and cries shattering the night under the ever-changing lights as he thought that he deserved abandonment and hatred, believed that he was not worthy of being loved or warmed on the inside. He remembered how Reiji had cried even harder when Natsuki pulled him into his arms and cried with him, when Ai, Ranmaru and Camus reached out to him using the microphone of the conductor's stand below the Ferris Wheel, their tears illumining the broken night in their emotions and bond, the night sky dyed in their colours, as vivid and shattered as they were unforgettable. 

_As he healed with us... Reiji began to forgive himself. To free himself from his own blame and guilt, to understand that he deserved to earnestly smile and laugh as much as all of us do, that his flaws and brokenness in the heart that he had hidden under the shadows of his fedora were not only accepted but loved. Deeply, deeply loved, precisely like he had always loved us for us. It took time, as well as one careful step at a time, but he healed. We healed._

_And now... while words may not be able to heal the wounds that have been left behind by mistakes and guilt..._

Carefully, Ai began to walk towards Aine, one step at a time, the remnants of tears lingering on his cheeks trembling in the cold night wind.

_That does not mean that there is nothing to say or do. I committed that error more than once in the past. And now... with all that Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru, Camus and everyone else had taught and given me... I won't. I can't._

Aine's eyes quietly widened as they watched Ai come closer, the lights of the Ferris Wheel now painting the night in red, yellow and ice-blue. He whispered Ai's name and was about to say more when Ai stopped directly in front of him and placed his hands onto his shoulders, causing his eyes to dilate in astonishment. Through his sadness and anguish, with a heart that understood what was eventually going to occur and wished that Aine did not have to leave and knew how cruel it must be to be in the older boy's position, Ai smiled painfully but gently as he squeezed the shoulders that he was holding tightly, even more tears trickling down his cheeks beyond restraint as he exhaled a wavering breath that he had been taught was more than okay to release.

Slowly shaking his head, Ai spoke in a soft, quiet voice.

"Reiji forgave you, Aine."

Aine's eyes widened with tears as Ai continued.

"Everyone who loves and cares about you do. And you... you deserve to forgive yourself as well. It will take an unforeseeable amount of time, but just like how there will be a warm spring embracing you after a frozen winter, you will heal, Aine. Just like I did, just like Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus all did, slowly but steadily, one rise and fall at a time, just like the waves of the gentle ocean. You have a precious and bright life ahead of you and even if we do not know where you are, if you smile with your heart throughout it all, we'll smile too, for that, more than anything, is what we want for you."

Aine's lips trembled as a few cracked sobs escaped. "Ai..."

"And even though your memories will disappear, I am certain that a day will come when you remember everything, when you remember us."

Ai smiled warmly, squeezing Aine's shoulders reassuringly.

"Because the memories that you share with all whom you love will never fade away from existence, just like your feelings never will. Instead, they will rest inside your heart like a child tucked in a blanket of warmth, and even though neither of us know when exactly, someday you will remember. And when enough time has passed after today, all of us will meet again and the two of us... will truly be able to co-exist in the real world."

His emotions trembled in his own chest as his smile softened along with his voice.

"So until then... with your heart that has grown, changed and been reached through memories and emotions, live on with a warm smile glowing in your soul, alright? Because you deserve to, Aine... you sincerely do. And as you do, so will I, with all that you have sincerely given me, in utmost earnest... okay?"

"You..." Aine began, his quiet voice wavering as tears streamed down his cheeks. "You are truly your own person, Ai." His lips eased into a sincere smile. "Your own warm, lovable and kind-hearted person with a gentle soul. Even as painful as this moment is... it really warms me hearing those words from you, being able to stand right here with you in person, even if this is not the real world."

Aine quietly intertwined his own fingers with those of the hands holding onto his shoulders, gently but firmly even as his hands trembled with emotion.

"As afraid and uncertain as you initially were about your emotions and identity, you grew with time. Asking questions and seeking answers, wishing to understand and feel, you learned with and from the people by your side. While you regretted, cried and lowered your eyes, you also smiled, laughed and held the hands of the people you loved, allowing colours to seep into your monochrome mind and heart from one drop to another, followed by a few at a time, and they soon overflowed with emotions, as powerful as it was beautiful. And during that last trial, even when you couldn't see, even when you couldn't speak or even move much... you kept going. You stayed strong, but never once lied about how you truly felt. And the five of you stayed with one another throughout the broken night... and that was... the final proof... that you understood what it meant to be human, to struggle yet be able to smile, to cry yet keep holding on to those dearest to you. The seed that did not understand the emotions and imagery of the four seasons at first..."

Aine squeezed Ai's hands tightly, his smile turning warmer.

"Evolved into a flower that blossomed and remained as vivid as it could be no matter what season it was, whether it was dyed in sadness and grief or glowing with joy and tenderness. You are a blossom, Ai. A blossom not only in winter, but in spring, summer and autumn too. And I am grateful beyond words... that it was you whom I got to grow along with. So from the deepest part of my heart... thank you."

Even as tears glimmered on his face, Aine's eyes were bright with true emotions.

"Thank you, Mikaze Ai. Thank you."

Ai felt a deep warmth shroud his own aching chest as he nodded with an earnest smile, whispering back to Aine. "Thank you too, Aine. Sincerely, thank you." 

Aine smiled back and the lights of the Ferris Wheel changed to the crimson, ice-blue, lavender, viridian and yellow, reflecting each member of the quintet where Ai, Natsuki, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus all belonged in as family. Aine's eyes widened slightly, but soon relaxed into a gentle smile as he faced Ai again and told him, "It's almost time for you to go back, Ai." Ai stared back, tears threatening to fall as the reality that this was the last time that he would see Aine for an indeterminable amount of time, that Aine would forget everything, surged and echoed painfully in his mind and heart. Underneath his feet, cold water began to seep through the ground, the sound of waves rushing through his ears, and the transparent surface rippled as it gently refracted the glowing lights of the Ferris Wheel and buildings of the nightscape. The lump in his throat thickened as he squeezed Aine's shoulders tightly one last time and slowly began to release them, with the older boy's hands letting go of his. However, once they both had completely let go...

Ai pulled Aine into his arms and hugged him tightly, listening to the loud, unsteady heartbeat pulsating amidst the neck that his ear was leaning against.

"Gentle hugs warm us on the inside, right?"

He spoke in a near whisper, a faint smile tinging his lips despite the raw aching of his heart.

"Does this... warm you?"

"More than I can explain," Aine answered with a warm voice, wrapping his arms around Ai with equal tightness, and Ai could hear the gentle smile in his voice. "Natsuki could not have been more honest when he said that hugs were warm and heartfelt, especially coming from someone who loves and cares about you. The fact that I am getting one now... it is making me cry for yet another warm reason, and I couldn't have asked for anything more. He was right too when he said that you were warm and huggable. You sincerely are."

"So are you, Aine."

Ai tightened his arms around Aine, silently appreciating the older male's warmth and the melody of his heartbeat as he felt teardrops fall onto his shoulder.

"Warm, as well as kind. And I am sure that neither of those things will ever change, no matter what."

The sound of the waves reverberated into his ears again and that was when he felt Aine beginning to pull away from the embrace. Carefully, Ai released Aine too and their eyes met in utter silence as the serene water rippled around them, blurring the colours of the Ferris Wheel and buildings like tears. Even though he knew what was about to happen, Aine smiled softly at Ai and that smile reached his tearful eyes.

"When you return, reach into the pillowcase of my bed. There, you will find five letters, one letter each for you, Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus, and one white note that explains to all of you what I had told you and more. When you open your eyes, the blue light will have already disappeared not only from the outside but the inside too, meaning that our consciousnesses are no longer connected. But even so... we will always be connected in our hearts and souls. That... is what I had once forgotten but never will ever again thanks to all of you."

Ai's lips curved again and the smile that lingered on his lips this time... was surprisingly serene. Serene, earnest and beautiful... and it tugged deeply at the emotions in Ai's chest. Placing a hand over the centre of his chest, Aine gazed into Ai's eyes with tenderness and warmth glimmering in his own with an unwavering smile and whispered into the night:

"Goodbye... and see you again... Ai."

Another tear trickled down his cheek as Ai whispered the older boy's name, and Aine smiled just as he disappeared under the lights that were now white and lilac, like the forget-me-not flowers that would always remain in full bloom no matter how many seasons had passed, having sacrificed himself and his own memories for Ai. "Aine..." Within less than a moment, Ai saw his own vision begin to blur into colours and light, the sound of the waves echoing into the silence, and slowly, he felt his body fall backwards, his head facing the nightscape of lights that had frozen with this ephemeral place.

Except that instead of falling against the soundless water, he felt himself being cushioned by the hollow air, as though he were floating on the sky like snow that had been stopped by time.

_The water is so tranquil now..._

An image of a younger Aine and Reiji staring at the sea with the latter's arm wrapped around the former swept across his head like gentle tides and even though Ai was not a part of the memory himself, he could see that they were smiling because they had each other, even if their hearts were in pure agony. And that very fact intertwined deeply with the words that were being uttered softly by the voice of the boy who had just disappeared, the owner of this memory that was both painful and beautiful at the same time.

_Not to drown in, but to watch over with your closest friends by your side._

_That deep blue was meant to calm the heart, after all._

The blue light that had streaked his body appeared before his blurred eyes, only to start fading away nearly as soon as it came, like a wave pushing forward only to pull back sooner than expected.

_And so just like that river, just like you taught me..._

_Endlessly and earnestly..._

Ai smiled faintly as the last of the blue light disappeared into white and his own eyes slowly began to fall to a close.

_I will flow with a gentle smile._

And with one last tear rippling into the water, the darkness overtook Ai's vision and everything went into a soundless black.

Reiji Kotobuki

Time felt as though it had been frozen in a broken dream as they waited in Hakase's laboratory, uncertain, tortured and terrified all at once as the clock's arrows moved painstakingly without them.

In the cold silence, while Ai laid down on the spare bed, Reiji and Natsuki sat by his side with Ranmaru and Camus stood beside them, the room painfully soundless without a single syllable that needed or could be said. Camus' side was pressed a little to Natsuki while Ranmaru had one hand placed on Reiji's shoulder. Reiji and Natsuki both held Ai's left hand tightly, the tears that had run down their cheeks cold as they felt their closest friend's cold skin against theirs, as motionless as it gave no sign as to when he was opening his eyes again, bringing pure sadness and fear along with his silence. 

_It's not 10 yet... not even half an hour until then, but... what if Hakase doesn't come...?_

A lump trapped in the hollow of his throat, Reiji quietly turned to face Natsuki, his own heart wrenching as he saw the unspoken yet clear anguish flooding his best friend's green eyes.

_What if Ai-Ai will still remain like this when 10 p.m. comes? After having been blinded and lost his voice, lost consciousness and unable to wake up no matter how many times we cry out his name, no matter how deeply and painfully we wish for him to open his eyes again?_

Natsuki quietly turned to meet his eyes. His eyes glimmering with tears that had yet to fall, he gave Reiji a painful smile and wrapped his free arm around him tightly even as it quivered in the soundless room. Trying his hardest not to sob, Reiji let himself lean into Natsuki's hold as Ranmaru and Camus inched closer to the two of them, hoping that more than anything, the cold thoughts that were shattering through him were wrong and would never come true no matter how much more painful this silence grew with time.

_Please don't leave us, Ai-Ai... Please... please..._

At that moment, the blue light from before appeared again, shrouding the unconscious Ai like a fog rather than streaking his body this time. Just as Ranmaru began to curse, much to his pure confusion and astonishment, the blue light began to fade into the pure silence, just like snow into a white sky, disappearing nearly as soon as it came. _Wait, it's..._ Spinning around to face his closest friends, Reiji could vividly see equal shock and puzzlement written on Ranmaru, Natsuki and Camus' faces as they stared back at him, not a single one of them able to grasp what was happening right now, wordlessly confirming that they were not imagining things. _It's... disappearing...?_ When Reiji turned to look down at Ai again, the blue light had completely evanesced, as though it did not even exist in the first place, and his heart quivered in his chest as he strained to piece his thoughts and the possibilities together, only for his efforts to be rendered futile.

_We know that the blue light's appearance had led to Ai-Ai's pain back there in the woods, but with it appearing and disappearing just like that... what does it mean? Is Ai-Ai okay? Is something happening to him?_

Natsuki and Reiji both squeezed Ai's hand tightly, the two of them exchanging glances that reflected each other's worry and fear.

_Is the pain gone... Ai-Ai-_

Something pulsated against his fingertips and he froze.

_W... Wait._

It started off weak, like the near soundless echo of a melody that he was not sure he was truly hearing or just imagining. But it persisted, thrumming against his fingers louder and louder, beat after beat after beat like a gentle sound that wished to be heard and felt repeating itself, and his own heart swelled with pure emotions amidst its shock and disbelief. Gathering the courage to hope, Reiji turned to Natsuki and found that the younger blond was already looking at him with wide green eyes filled with warm emotions, mirroring his own as he, too, seeked confirmation that what they were feeling was real. Giving each other slight nods, Reiji and Natsuki then faced Camus and Ranmaru, who were giving them puzzled expressions, and with a quiet voice, Reiji told them.

"Ai-Ai, he..."

Tears threatening to fall, Reiji barely managed to crack a smile as his heart trembled in his chest.

"He..." his voice was quiet as it quivered in its words, "he has a heartbeat now..."

"What?"

Gaping at Reiji and Natsuki who nodded in agreement, Ranmaru reached his own hand out and placed it against Ai's neck, only for his heterochromatic eyes to dilate in utter astonishment. "He... He does." His eyes narrowed, Camus placed his hand on Ai's neck as well and surprise flashed across his features as his lips parted slightly. Facing everyone else, Camus gave them a brief nod with a serious expression and Ranmaru shook his head in utter disbelief. "So we ain't imaginin' it. But how on freaking earth? And if the heartbeat is there, then why ain't he wakin' u-"

Ranmaru cut himself off mid-sentence when Ai shifted slightly, causing all of them to freeze. Slowly, his eyes began to open after an unspeakably-broken time of them being soundlessly shut, revealing a teal colour that was no longer hollow but glistening with light and emotion, with life. After a few more moments, his eyes were completely opened and he was blankly staring up at the ceiling of fluorescent lamps, blinking as he tried to regain his concentration, and the sight of Ai conscious and alive was more than though to thicken the lump in his throat as the tears pushed harder. His heart quivering even more violently, Reiji squeezed Ai's hand tightly and the younger boy's eyes widened. Emotion welling up in his own teal eyes, Ai carefully shifted and turned, only for his eyes to widen again when they met Reiji's. 

"Reiji..."

Nodding once, Reiji cracked a smile as the first tear slipped down his cheek and the light in Ai's eyes quivered. Quietly, Ai turned again and faced Natsuki, who was smiling gently down at him with tears glimmering in his kind green eyes as he gave his hand a soft squeeze. "Natsuki..." Releasing a shaky exhale, he faced Ranmaru, who was wordlessly staring at him with a weak grin, and finally, Camus, whose arms were folded with ice-blue eyes glimmering with relief amidst numerous other sincere emotions. "Ranmaru... Camus..." 

Tears peeked from the corners of his eyes as he quietly took in the sight of all four of them smiling down at him, the emotions trembling in his honest teal eyes, just like they had in his quiet, wavering voice. At that moment, he noticed Ranmaru's hand rested against the left side of his neck and his eyes slowly dilated. Lowering his eyes, he hesitantly reached a quivering hand towards the centre of his neck, his lips shaking a little as quiet, faltering breaths slipped free from between them. Soundlessly, he laid his hand down on his neck, only for a soft gasp to be made. The light in his eyes trembling even more like a flame in the wind, he took a deep breath and turned to Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus again, only to widen his eyes when he found them smiling again, giving him warm, earnest expressions. Within a few fleeting moments, warm tears began to trickle down his cheeks like rivulets as a sincere smile adorned his eyes, and slowly, he pulled himself up into sitting position, only to be tugged forward by both Reiji and Natsuki and wrapped into an extremely tight and warm hug.

"N-Natsuki... Reiji..."

"We're so, so happy... that you are here with us again, Ai-chan..."

Natsuki's voice cracked audibly as he spoke softly and gently, filled with overflowing, warm emotions accompanied by genuine tears, his arms tightening around Ai.

"It was so painful and terrifying when you... you couldn't open your eyes and not knowing what was going on as we waited only made us even more scared... because we love you so, so much. We never want to lose you, Ai-chan, and even the thought of it is incredibly painful and so seeing you here with your eyes open and filled with life again... That's... that's all we wanted, all because we love you more than anything."

"And after all that sadness and suffering, you were given a heartbeat, something that you have wished for deeply and were sure that you could never have."

Smiling weakly, Reiji let the tears trickle down his cheeks as he ran his hand up and down Ai's back consolingly.

"And all of us are so happy for you, because if you are happy, so are we and you know it as much as we do. But you know that even without a heartbeat, all of us will always love you, right...? Big bros Nattsun, Ran-Ran, Myu-chan and Rei-Rei will always love our dearest, lovely Ai-Ai, after all. Always, always, because we love you for who you are as our precious Ai Mikaze, regardless if your heart has a beat or not."

"These two were crying real hard when your eyes closed back then," Ranmaru remarked, placing a hand on top of Ai's head. His voice softened with emotion as his lips curved into a slight but gentle grin. "And I'd be lyin' if Camus and I didn't get emotional either, let alone weren't worried sick. 'Cause just like Natsuki and Reiji said, we're a family. A colourful, crazy, emotional and inseparable family of five, and it'll always be that way."

"Indeed, Mikaze." Camus' voice was nearly inaudible but even as he wrapped a hand around Ai's shoulder, as gentle as it was earnest. "This quintet, both as the band named QUARTET NIGHT and as a family, is eternal."

"He's got that right!"

"Yeap!"

Ai's quiet weeps and sniffles filled the laboratory and everyone let him cry as they held and surrounded him, the four of them whispering and saying warm reassurances and words with earnest smiles in their voices as this unbreakable quintet stayed together just like this and would not have it any other way no matter what. When they slowly pulled away moments after, Reiji and Natsuki delicately wiped the tears away from Ai's cheeks with their fingers as Ranmaru ruffled his teal hair and Camus' hand remained on his shoulder, five hearts pulsating with warm emotions as five souls touched one another deeply, a unspoken yet unbreakable melody shared between all of them. Holding onto Natsuki and Reiji's hands, Ai quietly trembled, but not because of the pain that had tortured him as cold blue lights glowed on his body hours ago and instead, because of a warmth that did not truly need to be put into words for all of them to understand and cherish.

And within a few more moments of silent tears, his lips gently curved into an earnest, precious smile which was reflected by his glassy teal eyes too, like the clear water that glistened under a sky of bright lights, and it made Reiji's heart glow with deep warmth as he, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus smiled gently in return, squeezing Ai's hand tightly. That was when Ai quietly released Natsuki and Reiji's hands, prompting both of them to slowly let go too, and placed both of his own hands on the centre of his chest, his expression silently changing into one that was filled with heart-wrenching sadness. Meeting everyone's eyes, he released a nearly-inaudible exhale and spoke.

"My wish has been granted, but... that's not the only wish to be fulfilled tonight."

Reiji's heart thumped in pure confusion and concern as he tried to understand what Ai was referring to, only for his mind to be blank. Lowering his eyes, Ai slipped down from the bed and stood up before stepping towards the encapsulated bed that was once occupied by Aine, causing even more emotions to seep into Reiji's chest. Ai reached out and tapped the red button near the foot of the bed, causing the glass to be lifted from the single bed and lowered towards the floor. Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus wordlessly approached him as he took hold of the white pillow and extended a hand through the casing. Ai's eyes widened slightly and it was only ensued by even more emotions glimmering amidst their teal blue. Carefully, he pulled his hand out, only for Reiji's eyes to slowly widen in pure shock.

There were six envelopes. One was white, while the other five were all in their respective theme colours: ice-blue, crimson, yellow, viridian and lavender. Ai gently set all six envelopes down onto the surface of the bed and picked the white envelope up, holding it delicately in his right hand. His lips curving into a weak smile, Ai raised his head and approached Reiji with the envelope in his hand, and when he was directly in front of the brunet, he held the envelope out to him, his teal eyes filled with utter sadness that wrenched Reiji's heart painfully.

"When I was unconscious... I met Aine. Not in a dream, but in an ephemeral place that represented the link between his consciousness and mine. And there, Reiji, guys..."

Ai paused for a moment, the light in his eyes wavering with pure sorrow.

"He gave me his last wish."

Reiji's heart froze as Ranmaru gasped in shock. "His... last wish...?" Ai quietly nodded and Reiji could feel his shoulders begin to tremble with fear and anguish. "What do you mean, Ai-Ai? What did he say? Why is it his last?" Natsuki quietly wrapped a hand around Reiji's shoulder and squeezed it softly and Camus' eyes were grim as Ai quietly shook his head and held the envelope even closer towards Reiji, the grief in the teal-haired boy's eyes unchanged.

"This one... is for all of us," Ai continued, his voice wavering a little. "It contains what he told me back in that place and more. He didn't explicitly say it to me, but..."

Looking deeply into Reiji's eyes, Ai cracked a smile.

"I am certain that he would want you to be the first to read it, Reiji."

Taking a long, deep breath, Reiji slowly but surely reached a trembling hand out to the envelope and his fingers curled around it tightly, his heart throbbing in undeniable fear and agony with the words "ephemeral" and "last wish" haunting his mind like a broken echo. He had to be as strong as he could, as brave as he could, no matter how confusing and painful this was, no matter how difficult it was to keep himself together in one piece, to stop himself from crumbling and shattering apart before he even got to the first word. More than grateful that he was not alone but with the people he loved the most, Reiji let out a shaky exhale and carefully opened the white envelope and pulled out a neatly-folded piece of white paper, only to find black letters in an all-too familiar handwriting:

_To Reiji, Ai, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus_

It was Aine's handwriting. He had seen it too many times to mistake it for anyone else's. His heart trembling even more in his chest, Reiji felt Natsuki wrap an arm around him and Ai squeeze his shoulder in silent, warm encouragement as everyone moved closer to him and he began to unfold the paper in his hands, tears stinging in his eyes at the sight, terrified by what he was about to see as he found himself staring at even more of that handwriting, that blank ink, his best friend's words. Slowly looking around at everyone, he found all of them giving him gentle smiles filled with understanding and it quietly gave him the courage he needed to keep going. Giving them a shaky nod, Reiji turned back to the letter and began reading, starting from the words, 

_Dear Reiji, Ai, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus..._

And within the first few lines...

A broken gasp slipped from his lips and the tears slipped down his cheeks beyond his control.

_A-Aine..._

In the white letter, Aine, who had woken up not too long ago, explained the situation to the five of them, including why he had to keep it a secret, the blue lines that had tortured Ai, and why he and Hakase were not here in the laboratory. Starting the long letter with painful apologies, Aine had written that through experiencing emotions and learning through his connection with Ai, he was able to finally open his eyes again after years of being in a comatose state. However, once he had woken up, he had been given two options to choose from, with both of them requiring sacrifices that were more than enough to shatter Reiji's heart into countless pieces. And Aine... he chose to sacrifice himself for their sake, for Ai as well as every other member of the quintet, and as a result...

He, as well as all of his memories... had to disappear.

He had to move to a different country and forget Hakase, Kei, Hibiki, Ai, Natsuki, Ranmaru, Camus, and everyone else... including Reiji.

_I had waited for years for you to wake up. Blaming myself, hating myself, thinking that I was the one who was supposed to die, that I deserved to suffer because I failed you, wishing with all of my heart that you would open your eyes again and smile even if you don't forgive me. And now... your eyes are open again with your heart alive and beating, but fate decided to be malicious and force you to decide for either you or Ai-Ai to disappear, with no in-between. And you... you chose yourself... Aine. The kind, wonderful Aine who has always been selfless no matter what..._

Tears trickled down his cheeks as he nearly choked on his sob, his hands quivering as he held the letter even more tightly and his heart cracked in his chest.

 _You put us first..._ Reiji whispered in his head as he let out even more broken sobs, _... even when you had the choice to be selfish... even when... it was all so painful and you... you didn't deserve that pain. No one does..._

_"I would not have been able to live knowing that I sacrificed Ai, a kind, amazing soul who has touched the hearts of everyone around him and through being himself, had saved me in the first place. I did not want to take him away from you guys. Through him, I saw how much all of you loved one another, how loved he was, and I... I did not have the heart to break you. I did not want to and could not. So even if I forget everything, even if I am the one who cannot stay, it's okay - really."_

Listening to Aine's voice as he quietly read the written words, Reiji swallowed hard, the shattered pieces of his heart piercing him deeply, allowing him to bleed excruciatingly in the soul.

_"Being able to see the five of you together like that is already a miracle - a miracle I did not deserve. You have given me more than you think you have, even when I did not deserve it, and I got to love every member of the precious quintet that I had the privilege of watching through Ai. So even as excruciating as it is, even though it'd be a lie to say that I did not cry at least a little... the decision that I made... was made with a completely willing heart that had been moved by all of you. And I won't ever regret it no matter how much time passes, because deep down, I knew it was the one and only right choice in this situation."_

Reiji lowered his eyes as the tears burned and stung agonizingly in his eyes, unable to console, unable to heal.

_"Because living means putting the people you love before yourself. And this time... was the time to do exactly that. That, more than anything, was what you taught me and regardless of the pain and sadness, regardless of the memories that I will soon forget, I will forever be grateful in my heart, for the heart will never forget what matters the most. So Ai, Reiji, Natsuki, Camus, Ranmaru..."_

He felt the arm wrapped around him and the hand on his shoulder tighten a little and he let out a shaky exhale, his lips twisting into a weak smile as his heartbeat grew with tortured grief like a broken melody.

_"Thank you for everything, even if 'everything' isn't nearly enough to convey all that you have given me, that can never truly be measured by anything. For teaching me to live and love, to cry and laugh, to smile and reach a hand out. And while 'thank you' does not feel completely sufficient either..."_

The written words faltered a little and Reiji could imagine Aine's hand shaking with emotion as he wrote this letter. And the mere thought of it only broke his heart even more.

_"I hope that the personal letters for each of you can convey it at least a little better, even if 'thank you', just like 'love', isn't always something that can be defined by words alone."_

Letting out a deep, broken sigh, Reiji felt his chest ache as he slowly lifted his head from the letter and turned to face everyone, only to discover that they were all already looking at him. Placing a hand on his back, Ranmaru gave him a look of deep pain and concern, his heterochromatic eyes tight with a silent apology. Camus wordlessly met Reiji's eyes with ice-blue eyes gentle with unspoken sorrow, soundlessly telling him that everyone understood even as painful as it was. Giving him a light squeeze, Natsuki smiled weakly with green eyes filled with pure sorrow and hurt and whispered, "We're so sorry, Rei-Rei..." and Reiji quietly shook his head and squeezed his hand tightly, telling him that no one here did anything wrong. That it was a cruel decision to make forced upon Aine by a broken fate, that the fact that Aine made that choice with a warm heart was more than enough for him. Even as his voice cracked and tears fell as he uttered the words. 

He cracked a broken smile as pain glimmered in Natsuki's eyes and the blond whispered his name, shaking his head as an attempt to reassure him and everyone else. And then he faced Ai, who was quietly gazing at him with eyes filled with sincere guilt and anguish. Shaking his head again at the youngest of the quintet, Reiji smiled weakly and pulled him into a half-hug, wrapping a trembling arm around him, soundlessly telling him to please not blame himself, to please not feel guilty or apologize for any of this when this was fate and no one else being malicious and cruel. And his heart welled up with even more emotion when he felt Ai hug him back with one arm, leaning his head onto his shoulder, quietly reassuring him back just like Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus all were by being right here with him. 

Soon enough, Reiji carefully pulled away from Ai, knowing that the white letter was not the only thing that Aine had left them. Giving him a silent nod, Ai took the five envelopes on the bed and began to hand them out one by one to each of them. Reiji had gently set down the white letter and envelope down onto the empty bed by the time Ai gave him the viridian envelope and he opened it with careful yet quivering hands. As he silently unfolded the white paper in his envelope, he noted that while everyone were reading their own respective letters, they were all standing extremely close to him, sharing their warmth without words needed to be said. Smiling weakly, Reiji braced himself for what was to come as he shifted his eyes to the top-left corner of the sheet of paper and was met with Aine's handwriting once again.

_"Dear Reiji,_

_My best friend, my ally, my comrade, the best friend I could ever have..."_

And within less than a moment, a broken sob slipped from his lips and he covered his mouth with one hand.

_"I'm so, so sorry for all the pain that I put you through."_

_No, Aine..._

_"I didn't think nearly as far as I should have when I gave up on calling you and headed straight for the cold water of the sea that we used to visit together. I didn't think of how you would feel after I was gone, of the fact that as kind-hearted and warm as you are, you would blame yourself and torture yourself on the inside for not picking up a single call, of how much grief would haunt you because of what I did. And seeing the consequences of me trying to drown myself in that sea through my connection with Ai... unable to do anything as you fell apart on top of the glowing Ferris Wheel and sang a broken song on a dimly-lit stage... I saw how my selfishness and failure to think ahead caused you to suffer all this time, how much you loved and cared about me and how all of it hurt you even as you smiled for other people. You're not the one who failed, Reiji. You're not the one who is terrible or selfish or cruel. It's not you, Reiji, but instead..._

_That person was me. And I can't even begin to count how many times I wished that I could hold you in my arms and tell you that, because that's the truth, even if you are too kind to believe it."_

"N-No... no, Aine... no..."

His voice cracking audibly, Reiji whispered the words as he shook his head, warm tears seeping down his cheeks as the lump thickened in his throat and his heartbeat grew even more painful.

"You didn't fail me, Aine... you didn't... you really didn't."

_"But even as selfish as I was, even with how I had hurt you to the point that you fell into depression and struggled to let yourself walk into the light again, you saved me. Together with everyone else, being the Reiji that you sincerely are, you saved me."_

_Aine, that's-_

_"You have always seen me as the brilliant one among the two of us, but I disagree. Reiji, you need to give yourself much, much more acknowledgement for being you, your wonderful, amazing self that no one can ever hope to even come close to imitating. Even when you broke down from cold nightmares and shattered thoughts, you kept going. For the sake of the people around you, you smiled. You smiled, laughed and cracked jokes even if you were rejected, even if the tears were threatening to tear you apart, even if it destroyed your heart. You are a shining mentor, a talented and inspirational idol, a bright, charismatic figure that shines brighter than the stars themselves, the leader of a quintet filled with amazing people who do not only sing with one another but love and care about one another more than anyone and anything, and... more than anything..."_

The handwriting grew a little shaky, and in his mind, Reiji could see Aine gazing at him with a warm smile as tears trickled down his cheeks.

_"You are an earnest friend who is much more precious than he himself realizes, and he's a friend... that I'll always love no matter what. I love you, Reiji. I'm sorry for everything and I love you, all of you, as the closest friend I ever had and will ever have, even if you don't forgive me, even if the memories disappear."_

_How could you even think, let alone believe... that I wouldn't forgive you when all this time I thought that I was the one who may not be forgiven by you?_

Shaking his head again, Reiji could hear the sobs spilling from his lips beyond his already-broken restraint as the warm tears continued to roll down his cheeks endlessly, over the tears that had gone cold, over a soul that was crying and bleeding throughout the night of sacrifices and loss, of truths crashing down upon him like downpours of glass.

_I love you, Aine! Don't ever think otherwise, because it... it'll always be this way!_

_"But even though I am terrified, even though neither of us knows when we will see each other again, I know and believe that one day, even if I have not found my lost memories again, we will meet again. And when we do, with this heart that has grown through seeing all of you together, feeling sadness, anger, grief and anguish as well as happiness, warmth and every other emotion, that has been broken but was given another chance to truly live in this painful but beautiful world..."_

In his head, Aine was looking directly at him with warm tears glimmering in his eyes as he stood by the sea that they had frequented together all those years ago. And as serene and gentle as the aquamarine waves behind him rose and fell beneath the starry night sky...

_"I will be smiling, with a heart that was able to glow because of you."_

... so was his smile. His dear, earnest smile, even if Reiji could not see it in person at this very moment.

_"So with all my heart, my dearest best friend, thank you... and see you again. And no matter what season it is, whether it is a warm spring, a burning summer, a silent autumn, or a cold winter... do not lose the smile in your heart, okay? Knowing that you won't..."_

Aine's smile softened as the roar of the waves grew louder in his head, echoing painfully but surely in his head, unmistakable as mere desperation, unmistakable as broken imagination, and instead...

The remnants of a true last wish.

_"... is more than enough for me."_

Aine's... last wish.

_"Your best friend,_   
_Kisaragi Aine."_

By the time he reached the last syllable of the letter, Reiji had no idea how much time had slipped by from his heart and hands. Neither did he know how many sobs had spilled from his burning, aching throat nor how many warm tears that had turned cold had trickled down his cheeks and fallen onto the letter. Nor did he know what to say or do, let alone how to even begin to piece his shattered heart and soul together, with both already shattered into countless of broken slivers that made him bleed with each time Aine's kind, gentle voice reverberated inside his head, haunting him, consoling him, terrifying him. However, before he could even start to get all of his thoughts in order, Reiji felt two pairs of arms pulling him close and into a tight and warm hug, their hold never wavering for even a second. And within less than a broken, fleeting moment, one hand was clasping the back of his head and another hand was patting him on the back in a slow, undeterred rhythm. Another pair of arms joined the hug and Reiji could only feel warm tears stinging in his eyes and slipping down his face as he heard four different voices whispering and murmuring gently and soothingly to him, assuring him that he was not alone, telling him that it was okay to cry and to let it out, that he could cry as long as he wanted to and they were not letting go even a little.

"Take a deep breath, Kotobuki. Slowly and devoid of force or strain, for you have all the time to do so."

"We are gonna be right here with ya no matter what, Reiji. Don't push yourself, 'cause that's the last thing we want for you."

"You don't have to say a word, Rei-Rei. We are staying right here, holding you for as long as you want us to, making sure that you'll be and are okay. Whether you are crying or smiling, we will always be with you, the five of us together."

"We will get through this, Reiji. With all of our hearts connected, the pain and sadness will pass and disappear into spring, just like winter always does."

Ai rubbed Reiji on the back gently as he tightened his arms around the brunet, his voice soft with understanding as his words reassured him in pure earnestness.

"And his heart will be smiling with you too. We are sure of it."

Giving them a few shaky nods, Reiji wrapped his arms around Natsuki and buried his face into the gentle blond's right shoulder, allowing his tears to stream down his face as everyone's words granted sincere warmth to the broken pieces of his heart like fireworks across a glassy sky, colours appearing one by one, spark by spark. As he cried harder and they let him, Reiji could see Aine's words echo like a ripple across innocent waters as they slowly formed in his mind again, almost as though he were right here reassuring Reiji too.

_"I did not want to take him away from you guys."_

Almost as though Reiji could hear his voice reaching his ears like a gentle melody, as sincere as its owner was.

_"I did not have the heart to break you."_

Almost as though they were crying together, even if they could not see each other and would not for an indefinite, unpredictable amount of time. But as excruciating as this very moment was, as broken as his heart was, deep inside the crevices of that same heart, amidst all the bleeding scars and wounds and tears that the cold moonlight slipping through the glass window was shedding light upon, he knew...

... that... it was all going to be okay. 

_"I will be smiling, with a heart that was able to glow because of you."_

That after more time slipped by, they would all be smiling for real, in a spring that would never die away.

Reiji remembered how Aine had once crouched down on the sandy shore and dipped his index finger into the waves that were sweeping across the surface, causing a small ripple to form even though it was quickly dissolved by the water it was born from. Raising his head up towards Reiji, Aine could have said that the water was cold, because it was. That it was nearly numbing, because it was. That it built up painful thoughts and truths of people who had tried to end everything through this water, because it could have. But instead, Aine's lips eased into a soft smile as he told Reiji, 

_"It's gentle."_

And it was now, many years after that one time, when Reiji knew that Aine believed those words with all his heart, having learned it through sadness and painful memories, just like they all had. A weak smile curving on his lips, Reiji let his eyes fall to a close as he tightened his arms around Natsuki and felt everyone hold him close, their warmth enveloping him and holding him through the night's shattered pieces, undulating and flowing through him like the water that consoled him but would never drown him away.

_We'll all be smiling throughout the seasons, Aine._

The soft roars of the sea that the two of them used to visit reverberated inside his head like a lullaby to a crying child, and the smile on his lips eased a little more, reaching his own heart a little more, just like the waves of that sea, rising and falling but continuous and beautiful, just like a heartbeat.

_No matter what, and that's a promise. Our promise._

...

"Guys, I can't believe it... How-"

"Went through the same guy who helped you out with this all those months ago," Ranmaru interrupted with a few guffaws, giving Reiji a light push on the back as everyone entered the passenger car one by one. "The moment we said it was for our friend 'Reiji Kotobuki', he told us that it was through him that you rented the place that night."

"We have until midnight to have this amusement park, as well as this ride, to ourselves," Camus stated, his right leg folded over his left as he crossed his arms with a satisfied smile. "That leaves us with more than three hours, so we are more than free to savour this without the necessity to rush even by the slightest bit."

"This is why we didn't tell you what we wanted to do tonight," Natsuki explained with a few bright chuckles, sitting on Reiji's left and wrapping a warm arm around his shoulders. His green eyes glistened with a warm smile. "We wanted it to be a surprise, Rei-Rei, and seeing you smile so brightly and happily when you realized where we were means more than anything to us!"

"When you are ready, I will push the button and allow the passenger car to take us to the peak of this attraction," Ai told Reiji, holding a remote with his right hand. He smiled softly. Just say the word and we will begin."

It was nearly two weeks after Ai's birthday, the night he became a human being and Aine disappeared. After a hectic day of interviews, magazine shoots, and filming for the new romance drama that they were starring in and their main unit project that had evolved into a long-term QUARTET NIGHT project, Reiji had been utterly confused and surprised when he found Natsuki, Ranmaru, Ai and Camus smiling at him once they reached the car. It was then when Ranmaru told Reiji to give him the car keys and the brunet yelped when Camus smoothly blindfolded him with a white scarf. All of them had told them that they had a surprise for him and that had perked him up as the car moved, with Ranmaru and Camus seated at the front and him sitting between Natsuki and Ai. Even when they had arrived at the destination after a half-an-hour-long drive, Reiji was led out of the car by Natsuki who gently held his right hand as the five of them walked together, with the blindfold not undone yet. It was when Ai pressed a button on a remote control and the music engulfed the atmosphere when Reiji's eyes dilated in utter astonishment, unable to believe it. And when Camus untied the blindfold and he found himself staring at the glowing colours of this all-too familiar place, Reiji could not deny the emotions surging through his heart like waves.

They had brought him to the amusement park with that special Ferris Wheel. The Ferris Wheel that changed colours every 37 seconds, that he had brought Natsuki to the very top of and told him and Ai, as well as Ranmaru and Camus indirectly, about his past with Aine.

And now here Reiji was, sitting in the passenger car with his four dearest friends, with him between Natsuki and Ranmaru and Camus and Ai sitting directly across from them. His heart deeply warmed by their kindness and love, Reiji felt his lips ease into a sincere smile as he looked around at all of them who smiled back in return. Squeezing Natsuki's hand in his own, Reiji faced Ai and nodded, saying, "I'm ready." He glanced around. "Are you guys ready too?"

"You bet I am."

"Indeed."

"Yeap!"

"Okay," Ai said, smiling faintly as he gave them a brief nod. "The door will close now."

He pressed a button and the glass door of the passenger car automatically slid to a firm close. Once the door was shut, Ai pressed another button and in a few moments, the passenger car started to move along the circle in the clockwise direction, slowly but steadily heading up the Ferris Wheel. Every other attraction of the amusement park, as well as the buildings and objects surrounding it, seemed to shrink as they were raised higher from the ground, slowly turning to simply colours and lights to the eye as they dyed the young night. Reiji could feel Natsuki squeeze his hand gently and Ranmaru prop an elbow on his shoulder as he gazed through the glass window at the gorgeous nightscape from a place that was as sentimental as it was special. It was not long until they reached the very peak of the Ferris Wheel and Ai pressed a button and subsequently stopped the passenger car at the best spot, causing the ground to oscillate a little.

And the sight that he was met with brought a flood of emotions intertwining and surging with his already-wavering heartbeat.

The night may have just begun, but the sky was already draped by a gorgeous Prussian blue colour adorned by countless silver stars. It was still winter, so tiny snowflakes were descending down the night sky like white stars, little by little, slowly and gracefully. While the lights of the Ferris Wheel were now violet, green and white, the other attractions could no longer be made out as they were blurs of colours and lights, bright and beautiful with blues, reds, yellows, greens, purples, orange, and countless other inimitable colours that defined the night. A bright smile spread across his lips and heart as he let out an earnest laugh and took in the view, warmed by the fact that Natsuki, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus all knew how much this meant to him and that the five of them were sharing this scenery and memory together.

_After that first broken night when we all gathered at the bottom of the Ferris Wheel, I had quietly told myself that I would someday bring all of you up here, on this exact same Ferris Wheel. But it looks like the four of you ended up being the ones who brought me up here this time._

Tears began to form at the back of his eyes at the thoughts and memories seeping through his head like warm colours. 

_This is one of the countless times I spent with you when I can't help but think what did I do to deserve this, to deserve you guys..._

"We know that this setting is emotionally special to you."

Ai reached out and tugged at Reiji's free hand gently, his teal eyes smiling softly.

"Natsuki, Ranmaru, Camus and I agreed that it was a good idea to bring you here and for the five of us to reach the maximum height of the Ferris Wheel together, because we thought that it would brighten your heart, and based on your expressions, I am absolutely certain that it did. And that... that is all we desire for you."

"Look..." Ranmaru leaned closer to Reiji, his heterochromatic eyes narrowed a little. "We knew that you've been havin' a real rough time picking yourself up after Aine disappeared." Reiji's heart throbbed painfully and the silver-haired rocker's face softened. "Nightmares while tryin' to sleep, flashes of memories during the day, often needing to hold back tears at the sight of the memories. But you've been getting better and stronger with each passing day, you know. And you had and will always have the whole lot of us four to pull you back up on our feet and piece you back together no matter how many times you fall."

"Even though the scenery is physically the same as it was all those months ago, it appears much warmer than it formerly was, does it not?"

Camus smiled faintly as his eyes met Reiji's, his voice even.

"That is because it grew warmer with the bond that the five of us share, with the healing of the wounds and scars of our pasts, with the memories and emotions that interconnect us to one another."

"Even as the snow continues to fall, even as winter continues, spring is already here too."

Natsuki gave Reiji's hand a warm squeeze, his eyes glowing with an earnest smile.

"A warm and colourful spring is already glowing in our hearts, intertwining with our heartbeats, all because we love one another so, so much." His eyes softened with the tenderness of his kind voice. "And right now, even brighter than the Ferris Wheel's ever-changing lights, the colours..."

"Of your heart," Ranmaru continued, grinning knowingly.

"Are glowing..." Ai proceeded, smiling faintly.

"Ceaselessly," Camus finished. His smile turned a little gentler. "Never to waver, Kotobuki. Never. For that is precisely how much faith we have in you."

"Let's keep walking together, okay?"

A lump formed in the hollow of his throat, Reiji felt warm tears roll down his cheeks as his lips curved into a bright, earnest smile that the warmth in his glowing heart mirrored. He nodded once and from the smiles on their faces, he knew that they understood with their hearts and he could not be more grateful for that. Exhaling a white breath, he noticed that the lights of the Ferris Wheel had changed again, this time to lavender, crimson, ice-blue, yellow and viridian, the five theme colours of this inseparable quintet's members. And he could see that beneath him, the waters far away from the amusement park but were caught by this height's view were shimmering under the bright night sky, and that was when he wondered if any of those waters was that sea that he and Aine used to go to. The thought could have wrenched his heart painfully, just like it had in those cold, broken dreams, but this time, because it was accompanied by the warm memories of that sea and them, it did not. Instead, it made his smile spread a little more, even if the pain remained.

_A heartbeat is not merely a sound or an indication of life._

Slowly, Reiji extended his left hand towards the centre of the group, giving his dearest friends a warm smile.

_It is a connection, the proof of a bond, a place where hearts are deeply connected amidst emotions, memories, thoughts and colours. That was how Ai-Ai was able to be said to have one even if a human heart did not exist inside his chest before. Because he is connected to us, just like we are connected to him._

Squeezing Reiji's right hand tightly, Natsuki smiled softly and was the first to reach his hand out, placing it on top of the brunet's. Camus was next, his lips curving into a knowing smile as he placed his hand above Natsuki's, followed by Ranmaru, who increased the pile with a lopsided grin. 

_That was how Ai-Ai was able to be said to have one even if a human heart did not exist inside his chest before. Because he is connected to us, just like we are connected to him._

Ai was the last person remaining. His teal eyes widened slightly when he found Reiji, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus all facing him with warm smiles on their faces, and emotions soon seeped through those innocuous, honest eyes like water, gentle water. Letting out a light laugh, Ai reached his hand out and rested his hand above Ranmaru's, a gentle smile adorning his lips as Reiji chuckled brightly.

_Wherever we may be, we may see a glowing place, like this Ferris Wheel, like the moon and stars on the sky, like the stage dyed in colours and flashes._

Almost as though their hearts and minds signalled to one another, the moment their hands parted, regardless who made the first move, the five of them were pulled into a big, warm group embrace, with Reiji's arms wrapped tightly around Natsuki and Ranmaru. 

_But no matter what, it's our inimitable heartbeats that hold onto and embrace the brightest colours of all._

And it made his heart pulsate and swell with even more warmth, the colours brightening and turning more vivid, never to change like the lights of the Ferris Wheel or the glowing buildings.

_And that sincerely includes your heartbeat too, wherever you may be... Aine._

_"I want to hold you close... always and forever_

_As if time had stopped when we had to say good-bye_

_"I love you... I really love you!"_

_These words are overflowing in this brilliant love song"_

\- "Winter Blossom", by Ai Mikaze (Shouta Aoi)


	57. Art of Antics

Natsuki Shinomiya

Spring was a beautiful season. 

All of the cold, crystalline snow had melted away and the snowflakes were no longer falling, but countless flowers grew up towards the vivid azure sky and blossomed in an unspoken yet beautiful harmony. Under the warm and broad sunshine, a myriad of flowers such as white dandelions, blue forget-me-not flowers, pink cherry blossoms and yellow daffodils appeared to nearly glisten along with the deep viridian leaves that flowed in the breeze on trees and bushes and were carried by the wind with flower petals. 

Not only that, but the animals had drifted away from their world of dreams and were smiling at the new warm season with their hearts. Graceful butterflies fluttered their wings through the warm and windy atmosphere towards the flower petals spread open for them; bunnies and squirrels were chasing their friends around the serene clearing of the forest and woods; and cats and dogs, including Camus' pet dog Alexander, were being taken out for walks in parks in bright daylight and surrounded by gorgeous colours. Hummingbirds, canaries and countless other birdies were chirping and singing cheerful and precious songs while bringing their own gifts of light and colour into the hearts of everyone who heard them, into this season that everyone got to share with glowing bright smiles.

There were so many things to be happy about in spring, so many things that Natsuki and everyone whom he loved and cared about could share and celebrate with one another, and it made his heart well up with pure warmth. And the first special day to celebrate was a day that Reiji especially loved, which was-

"Everyone, get in your rooms now! Lock and barricade your doors and windows so that Reiji has no chance of gettin' in!"

"Ran-Ran! Don't be a meanie! I'm not that bad-"

"Yes, you are!"

Wait... locking all doors and windows was a tradition on April Fool's?

"Ai, Camus, Natsuki," Ranmaru continued yelling, ignoring Reiji's protests as he rushed into his own bedroom, "get into your-" His heterochromatic eyes dilating in horror, Ranmaru swivelled his head around to face Natsuki, whose eyes widened in shock and confusion. "Oh God. Natsuki shares a bedroom with _that pranking dimwit_! Oi, Ai, Camus, who's lettin' Natsuki stay over for the night?"

"Natsuki is more than welcome to stay with me-"

"No, don't leave me, Nattsun!"

It was the last night of March. Natsuki, Ranmaru, Ai, Camus and Reiji were sitting in the living room chatting and playing Monopoly over mugs of hot chocolate when Shining texted the Shining Stars group reminding them that tomorrow was a holiday for every member of Shining Agency and so there was no idol work for them. Ranmaru had frowned in suspicion when Reiji was the only one who did not seem confused and was instead smiling as he whistled innocently, and that had been when Camus looked down at his cellphone and paled at the date that was displayed on the bright screen and Ai and Natsuki's eyes widened in realization as Reiji grinned widely.

It was March 31.

Meaning that the next day was April 1, which was April Fool's Day.

And moments after the blood drained from his face, Ranmaru burst into an uproar of panic and shouts.

_"No!"_

"Ai, hurry up and grab Natsuki before he-"

" _Nope_!"

Ai was reaching for Natsuki's left arm when Reiji suddenly grabbed the blond's right hand and began sprinting towards the direction of their shared bedroom. "No, Natsuki!" Ranmaru shouted, his voice filled with utter horror as Natsuki was pulled along with Reiji and heard footsteps halt behind the two of them. Blinking in shock, Natsuki spun his head around and found Ranmaru's face filled with the exact same horror as his voice held while Ai and Camus' faces were grim and concerned, and it only made his heart thump in pure confusion.

"It's okay- Wahh!" 

Natsuki tried to speak, but yelped as he was pulled into the shared bedroom, his heart leaping up in shock at the sudden tug of his arm. Once Natsuki was inside, Reiji ran towards the door and shut it tightly, locking it twice, and then let out a sigh of relief, wiping the beads of sweat on his own forehead as he panted. Turning to Natsuki, Reiji beamed brightly as he walked closer and squeezed the younger blond into a big, warm bear hug, his chest vibrating with earnest laughter. Even though he was genuinely surprised and confused by everything that had just happened, Natsuki felt his heart well up with warmth as he chuckled and hugged Reiji tightly in return, patting the brunet on the back. 

When they pulled away from each other moments later, Reiji kept one arm wrapped around Natsuki's back and smiled warmly.

"I know that April Fool's Day is wild and all, but I don't ever wanna go even one night sleeping without my sweet, dearest Nattsun."

Reiji pouted slightly.

"Big bro Rei-Rei would be super lonely, ya know!"

"I'm not leaving you, Rei-Rei," Natsuki assured Reiji with a gentle smile as his heart melted at his best friend's preciousness, squeezing the brunet's hand tightly. "Never. But why did Maru-chan say to lock all doors and windows and for me to sleep with someone else today? And Ai-chan and Myu-chan were pretty concerned too." He started to approach the door while pulling Reiji with him. "Should we check on them-"

"No!"

Reiji immediately pulled Natsuki back, shaking his head with a few laughs.

"If we step out again, they may already be waitin' to take you away from me for the night!" Reiji exclaimed, squeezing Natsuki back into another hug. "And knowin' how quiet Myu-chan's footsteps are, they sure can do that and I don't want ya leavin'! They're right when they say that I'm gonna prank them, but I want you here with me, Nattsun!"

Natsuki chuckled lightly, now understanding the situation better. "Ohh, so you're going to prank Myu-chan, Maru-chan and Ai-chan tomorrow?"

"Yeap!" Reiji grinned mischievously as he winked and gave Natsuki a thumbs-up sign. "And it's gonna be real epic, alright!"

"Is it going to be like last time when you got Maru-chan and Myu-chan to sleep on the same bed?"

"Even better, my dear Nattsun!" Reiji's eyes glowed as a bright smile spread across his face. "It's gonna be loads and loads more fun for all of us this year! Big bro Rei-Rei's gonna make sure of that after days of planning and effort with his newly-created masterpiece of a prank!"

Reiji scratched his chin with a sheepish smile.

"Well... even if Ran-Ran and Myu-chan end up runnin' after me with a raised fist and sceptre at the end. Oh, and Ai-Ai triples my schedule."

"Hey, don't forget about me, Bukky!"

"E-Ehh?" Natsuki's eyes dilated in shock at the familiar voice, unaware that its owner was visiting their home, let alone inside this bedroom. He faced Reiji, who laughed heartily as he patted Natsuki on the back. "Rei-Rei, wasn't that-"

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, Nattsun!"

Grinning, Reiji turned to the direction of their shared bed and called out.

"You can come out now, Ren-Ren! Coast is clear!"

Ren's chuckles rumbled into the atmosphere as his head peeked out from underneath the bed, his blue eyes twinkling with a cheeky smile, and Natsuki widened his eyes in pure surprise. Laughing even more, Ren pulled himself up and approached Natsuki and Reiji, his lips slanting into a grin as he winked. "Good to know that, Bukky. And a wonderful evening to you, Shinomi. Looks like Bukky's plan worked so far into the game."

"Ren-kun's here too?" Natsuki asked, glancing from Ren to Reiji, even more confused than before although he was extremely happy to see his dear friend. "But then why didn't he join us earlier in the living room if he was here too?"

"Because Ran-chan and the others would have kicked me out of this lovely residence if my wonderful presence had been discovered," Ren answered with a chuckle as he draped an arm around Natsuki's back. "As much as the floor underneath the bed is not the best place to be, it's still better than being pursued by our angry Ran-chan when the day has yet to begin."

"I was the first one to come back from idol work," Reiji explained, patting Ren on the shoulder. "Before that, I had texted Ren-Ren and invited him to help me prank Ran-Ran, Ai-Ai and Myu-chan." He grinned. "You should have seen how fast he said yes; he didn't spare even a thought!" Ren laughed as he nodded in confirmation, and Natsuki chuckled. "So I picked him up at the mansion, brought him here, and got him to hide under our bed when you and Myu-chan were almost home."

"I wouldn't turn down such a golden opportunity, Bukky," Ren remarked, winking with a slanted grin. "April Fool's Day only comes once a year and who wouldn't want to have some fun with this lovely quintet and see Ran-chan all red and angry?" He smirked mischievously. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"And speaking of having fun..."

Reiji faced Natsuki with bright grey eyes.

"We'd love for you to join us, Nattsun."

Natsuki's eyes widened a little. "Do you mean joining you guys in pranking Ai-chan, Maru-chan and Myu-chan?"

"Bingo." Ren tousled Natsuki's blond hair and smiled mischievously. "We will relish the special occasion even more if you join us. This pranking party wouldn't be nearly as enjoyable as it could be without our innocent Shinomi's participation."

"I've been holding my excitement in all day waitin' for the right moment to invite ya," Reiji admitted, wrapping his arm around Natsuki with a warm smile. "I couldn't invite you sooner because I knew that you didn't have the heart to lie to Ran-Ran, Ai-Ai and Myu-chan if they happened to ask if I got you involved. But now that it's just the three of us here in this bedroom, I can tell you right now that we wouldn't have nearly as much fun if you didn't join as if you did, 'cause everything's much, much brighter and colourful with our lovely, dearest Nattsun!"

Rubbing the back of his neck, Natsuki smiled gently, silently moved by the fact that they wanted to include him in tomorrow's celebrations. But... "But Rei-Rei, Ren-kun, I've never pranked anyone and don't know how to at all-"

"We've got you covered!" Reiji interrupted, his bright smile reassuring as he tightened his arm around Natsuki. "The pros are here to guide ya and make sure that everything goes according to plan! Moreover, even if we fail - although I'm sure we'll all be fine - April Fool's Day is all about having lots of fun and making memories as a super happy group! So whether the prank fails or succeeds, as long as the six of us are all laughing and smiling together, all of it will be more than super worth it!"

"Even if Ran-chan screams at the end," Ren added with a grin.

"If that's all Ran-Ran does by the time we're done, it's already him going easy on us, which won't happen," Reiji pointed out, shaking his head with an unfaltering smile. 

Ren laughed. "Well, two of us, to be more specific." He gestured at Natsuki with a light smile. "He, Baron and Aimi will not go after Shinomi's head. They know he's by far the most innocent one among us three, including in this scenario."

"So whaddya say, Nattsun?" Reiji held out his free hand towards Natsuki with a bright, hopeful smile glowing in his grey eyes and spreading across his lips. "Are you up for joining us in making this the greatest April Fool's Day we ever had?"

"We got you, Shinomi."

Natsuki felt his lips curve into a blithe smile as warmth glowed and veiled his heart. "Yeap, I'm in too." He took Reiji's hand into his own and gave it a tight squeeze, the smile spreading inside of him with bright colours as his lips curved even more. "Let's make tomorrow an April Fool's Day filled with countless colours, smiles and laughs together. The six of us; us, Ai-chan, Myu-chan and Maru-chan!"

"Yeap!" Reiji beamed brightly as he pumped a fist into the air. He cheered as Ren grinned. "Big bro Rei-Rei and Ren-Ren are super, super happy to have you in the pranking team and we welcome ya with wide, open arms, our precious Nattsun!" 

Squeezing Natsuki's hand back, Reiji smiled with glowing grey eyes and pulled him into a warm bear hug, wrapping his arms around him tightly.

"This is gonna be the very, very best April Fool's Day we ever had, and that's 'cause we're all in this together, alright!"

"Ran-chan, Aimi and Baron will not know what's coming at them."

Placing a hand on Natsuki's back, Ren ruffled his blond hair and Natsuki could hear the grin in his voice.

"And now that Shinomi is participating, tomorrow is sure to be interesting. Very interesting. That being said, glad to have you on our side. Through the expressions bound to be created on Ran-chan, Baron and Aimi's faces, you shall witness the first-hand experience of the art of pranksters."

"Thank you, Ren-kun, Rei-Rei," Natsuki thanked his dear friends as he and Reiji pulled away from each other, smiling warmly at them. "And thank you so, so much for inviting me to join you guys. It means so much that you wanted to include me too."

"Aww, you don't have to thank us for that!" Reiji shook his head with a soft smile as he squeezed Natsuki's shoulder gently. "Of course we'd wanna include ya! We love our kindest, dearest Nattsun more than anything, after all!"

Ren nodded with a sincere smile and Natsuki smiled brightly, nodding at his two dear friends. "And I love you both, Ai-chan, Maru-chan and Myu-chan too. So, so dearly much." Reiji smiled again and wrapped an arm around Natsuki as Ren's face softened. That was when Ren's eyes widened slightly and he snapped his fingers.

"Oh yeah. Shinomi, I haven't asked you this, but..." Ren grinned slightly, "are you alright with me staying over in your and Bukky's bedroom for the night? That's why Bukky brought me here early. I wouldn't be able to walk through the front door safely when Ran-chan's border patrol is active."

Natsuki's smile brightened as his heart began to glow even more. "Does that mean that the three of us are having a sleepover?"

Reiji smiled widely. "Yeap!"

Natsuki immediately nodded with a blithe smile. "Yay! Ren-kun is staying over with us!" He pulled both Reiji and Ren towards him and into a big bear hug, his smile turning warmer as he squeezed them tightly. "The three of us are going to have so much fun hugging, smiling and we can all even cuddle together! I'm so, so happy!"

"You are so sweet, Shinomi," Ren remarked with a chuckle as he and Reiji both hugged Natsuki back. "That's just like you, and I am glad to see that it's never changed."

"You're the one making us so happy, Nattsun!" Reiji exclaimed with a few laughs, rubbing Natsuki on the back. "Seein' ya happy makes us happy and vice versa!" When they pulled away, keeping an arm wrapped around Natsuki, Reiji beamed. "We're all here together, alright!"

Natsuki and Ren nodded in agreement with smiles on their faces.

"One more thing, Nattsun."

Natsuki smiled gently. "What is it, Rei-Rei?"

Reiji's grey eyes twinkled with a cheeky smile as Ren appeared curious.

"Eli-chan is coming here to have a music lesson with you tomorrow morning, right?"

Ranmaru Kurosaki

"Kurosaki."

"What?"

"Why did you specifically choose my bedroom for this inane activity, exactly?"

"'Cause it's the furthest away from our resident prankster's bedroom, that's why!" Ranmaru exclaimed, scowling at Camus who sipped his cup of English Breakfast milk tea overloaded with sugar. He facepalmed hard. "God. Out there in this world, we have countless single men and women desperately and bitterly hoping for the 14th of February to be kicked out of the calendar so that they can feel way better about their lives. But as for me..."

Grabbing a fistful of his spiky silver hair, Ranmaru shook his head in utter incredulousness.

"I'm questioning why on earth April Fool's Day has not been kicked out of the calendar yet so that we can keep what little sanity we have left! A special day to pull pranks on oblivious people... What genius came up with _that big idea_?"

Not to mention, "that big idea" did not even _begin_ to cover it. Who in the right mind announced a holiday that practically gave the crazy the right to pull ridiculous jokes on other people for a full span of twenty-four hours? And this quintet had a particular brown-haired leader who not only loved to pull pranks, but was a _master_ at pulling them. The recollections of some of the "highlights" of Reiji's previous pranks which, of course, included dyeing Ranmaru's hair the yellow of Natsuki's Piyo-chan doll and placing him on the same bed as Camus while they were both asleep made him inwardly shudder and cringe, knowing fully well that the latter scenario _still_ emerged in his most bizarre nightmares. After retreating to their respective bedrooms last night, Ranmaru, Camus and Ai had all formed a private group chat and discussed their options and how to get through April Fool's Day without falling victim to any pranks. They would have added Natsuki into the group chat as well if not for the fact that a certain dimwitted prankster shared a bedroom with him _and_ whisked him away before the three of them could prevent it from happening. 

Now it was past 5 in the morning. After a heated debate with Camus over whose bedroom to use as their base of operations, with all of them agreeing to meet at the commonplace at 5, Ranmaru had dragged both Camus and Ai into the former's bedroom and locked the door tightly, refusing to take any chances knowing that Reiji may already be awake at this time. Slumping back against the wall, Ranmaru cursed under his breath as Ai sat at the study table with his own laptop and a cup of English Breakfast tea and Camus sipped his milk tea at the edge of his bed fit for royalty. Now what? They had no freaking clue as to what Reiji was planning, let alone whether or not he had initiated anything. They could not make a freaking move if they were going in blind; not when their opponent was Reiji. Not to mention-

"I am concerned about Natsuki."

Ai turned to face Ranmaru and Camus, his teal eyes narrowed slightly.

"There is a possibility that Reiji has already begun the first stage of pranking by starting with Natsuki, who is susceptible to being the first victim considering their physical proximity. Knowing Reiji, he would have the courage to do so considering the fact that Natsuki would not react negatively. Although, I do admit that there is another possibility to consider."

"If that dimwit is givin' any of us four immunity, it's Natsuki," Ranmaru pointed out, crossing his arms. "As much as he's goin' after us for sure, I ain't too sure that it also means that he'll prank Natsuki while the kiddo's fast asleep. Whaddya think, Camus?"

"When we meet Shinomiya outside, we can directly inquire about this matter to him," Camus stated, stroking his chin as he readjusted his right leg folded over his left. "Even if Kotobuki is physically present as well - with his rational thinking clearly absent - Shinomiya will undoubtedly be truthful in regards of the circumstances. Based on his answers, we should attain a clearer picture of this absurd occasion."

"The kiddo normally wakes up early, right?" Ranmaru asked, glancing at the door. 

"Yes, but do be aware that this is still 5:12 in the morning and it is a holiday," Ai answered, nodding briefly as his fingers glided across the keyboard. "However, the opening of any bedroom door should be able to be heard across this proximity, so once it is heard, we can deduce that either Natsuki or Reiji or the both of them has woken up."

"It is highly likely that Kotobuki has risen from his sleep and is merely scheming in his chambers," Camus stated, frowning deeply, and Ranmaru scratched his hair with an exasperated sigh. "Moreover, I would not be surprised if he had, in actuality, woken up much earlier than we had and begun implementing the necessary components of his grand scheme."

"The most dangerous dimwits are the ones who actually know what they're freaking doing no matter how crazy it is, and that's Reiji for freaking sure!"

"I am surprised that you are displaying intellect even with your undesirably-belligerent temperament."

"Oh shut up, you-"

"Well, the probability was more than 0, even if still less than 50%, so I am not too surprised."

"Oi! I-"

The muffled creaking of the door could be heard and everyone immediately stopped talking. Placing an index finger in front of his own lips, Camus gave Ai and Ranmaru a stern look as he pulled himself up and strode towards the bedroom door, with the two following closely behind the platinum-blond count. Camus carefully unlocked the door and pulled it open, peering through the narrow crevice, and his eyes narrowed a little. He gestured for Ranmaru and Ai to come closer and mouthed, "Shinomiya," and the former immediately opened the door wider and took a look outside himself.

Natsuki was humming softly to himself as he read the novel that Camus had given him last Christmas with a gentle smile adorning his face. And Reiji was nowhere in sight. _Perfect._ Ranmaru, Ai and Camus glanced at one another and exchanged nods of agreement as they watched a happy Natsuki nearing the latter's bedroom, oblivious towards the fact that they were right there. Camus narrowed his eyes in concentration and in a flash, his arm shot out and grabbed.

"W-Wahh!"

Camus pulled Natsuki into the bedroom by the arm and once the sunshine blond was in, Ranmaru immediately shut the door behind them, with Ai locking it twice and making sure that it was locked by pulling the handle. Natsuki's green eyes widened in pure shock and confusion as Ranmaru and Camus heaved out a sigh of relief and the former wiped the sweat on his own forehead and Ai smiled slightly. Once they had fully recovered from the moment of anticipation, Camus addressed Natsuki.

"Our apologies for abruptly bringing you into my bedroom, Shinomiya."

"It's okay, Myu-chan, Ai-chan, Maru-chan," Natsuki assured them with a warm smile, chuckling a few times as he hugged the novel to his chest. "But why did you bring me here?" He tilted his head curiously. "Is something wrong?"

"We need to ask ya some stuff," Ranmaru stated, leaning against the door with his arms folded. "Preferably without your prankster of a roommate." 

"Ohh, because it's April Fool's, right?" Natsuki smiled in understanding as Ranmaru nodded, and he gave Ranmaru a slight nod back. "Okay, what do you want to ask?"

"Has Reiji pulled a prank on you with any method, Natsuki?" Ai asked, his teal eyes concerned.

Natsuki shook his head. "Nope, Rei-Rei didn't."

"Even when he could have considerin' that you two were in the same bedroom all night," Ranmaru remarked, scratching his hair while shaking his head in disbelief. "It's really either that genius is out to get just me, Camus and Ai or he's just waitin' for the best moment to strike all four of us." He cursed under his breath. "Great."

"Is Kotobuki awake at the moment?" Camus inquired, his ice-blue eyes grave.

"Yeap," Natsuki responded with a light smile, and that answer raised red, warning signs in Ranmaru's head as his eyes dilated and he, Camus and Ai exchanged looks of concern as to what that prankster could be up to.

"Where is he now?"

"He was in the bathroom when I left," Natsuki told them, his smile gentle. "We were going to cook breakfast for all of us today and I had actually been on the way to the kitchen when you pulled me in here."

"Did he tell you what he's planning, Natsuki?" Ai asked, his eyes narrowed in suspicion towards the eldest of the group.

"Nope."

"Oh God..."

Ranmaru slumped back against the door, a hand slipping down his face.

"We're literally at point zero. We know nothin' about what Reiji's gonna try and pull on us and if we don't stop it, it'll literally be all those successful pranks all over again! I still cringe from the image of waking up next to Camus on the same bed! I don't wanna add to that of all things and one thing we know for sure is that that dimwit is real capable of doing that!"

"I would also prefer it if my hair remains in its regular state," Ai commented, shaking his head. "Starting a new day with a rainbow-coloured afro sitting on top of my head and my face covered with absurd drawings and hearing Ranmaru and Camus' shrieks is not the most pleasant way to do so."

"That fool never learns, does he?" Camus shook his head in sheer disapproval.

"Since when does he ever-"

A few firm knocks on the bedroom door caused Ranmaru to halt in his words, his heterochromatic eyes widening. 

"Nattsun!"

"Not him..." Ranmaru murmured, cursing under his breath as he glanced at Natsuki, who chuckled as he wrapped his arms around Ai. "Kiddo, if we need to ask ya any other questions, you'll help us out, right?"

Natsuki nodded with a warm smile and Ranmaru grinned slightly.

"Thanks."

Sighing, Camus gave everyone a brief nod and unlocked the door, opening it to reveal a beaming Reiji. 

"There you are, Nattsun! And good morning, Myu-chan, Ai-Ai, Ran-Ran! Looks like all of us are already awake- E-Ehh? What's with those looks, you guys?"

Reiji's face broke into an awkward smile when he saw Ranmaru glaring at him as Camus and Ai narrowed their eyes suspiciously. 

"Don't look at me like I'm here to pull a prank on you! I mean, it's April Fool's, but my hands are still empty!" He held out his open palms. "Look!"

"Are you gonna do anything funny to our breakfast?" Ranmaru questioned, frowning deeply, not at all convinced. "Heard from Natsuki that you two were gonna make breakfast for all of us."

"No!" Reiji exclaimed, shaking his head with hearty laughs. "Not at all, Ran-Ran! Besides, even if I wanted to, you guys have sweet Nattsun as your insurance! He'd stop me before I can even make a move in terms of that! And neither of us wants you guys to start the day off with an empty stomach. Right, Nattsun?"

"Yeap!" Natsuki confirmed, smiling brightly.

Camus heaved out a sigh. "As dubious as you, Kotobuki, are during the period of this occasion, Shinomiya is the permanently reliable constant in the given circumstances. Therefore, if he says that breakfast will proceed normally, it is believable."

"See?" Reiji grinned.

"However, we will still keep a close eye on you during the process," Ai added bluntly.

"Hey!"

 _But why do I feel like this is goin' too well for us?_ Ranmaru thought in his head as he pushed a whining Reiji out of the bedroom and Natsuki kept one arm wrapped around Ai as they and Camus followed. _It feels kinda... too easy. For one, Reiji didn't try and prank Natsuki when he had every opportunity to do it last night. And he hasn't tried anything so far in the morning_ and _even gave his word that he didn't plan on doing anything to our breakfast. The morning's been goin' smoothly... Too smoothly. It may be four against one, but I don't believe for a second that he's pullin' any punches. God, I can't even be freaking surprised if he magically drops the prank out of thin air._

As all of them began chatting about what they wanted for breakfast, Ranmaru looked over his shoulder and found Camus and Ai already facing him. Their eyes read, _Be careful_ , and Ranmaru nodded briefly, knowing that he had zero intention of doing so. Silently, he watched as Reiji pulled Natsuki by the hand to the kitchen, not at all sure what the prankster was up to, full well knowing that whatever it was, he sure was not gonna like it.

_What are you up to this freaking time, Reiji?_

Reiji Kotobuki

"Ran-chan, Aimi and Baron really are on their guard, aren't they?"

"I bet they were even considerin' checkin' Eli-chan's backpack for any suspicious objects when he first came through the entrance door!" Reiji exclaimed as he and Ren both laughed. "But Eli-chan's an honest kid, so they didn't have to do it. And that's also why we didn't tell him 'bout pranking Ran-Ran and the others, right? He wouldn't have had the heart to lie."

"Just like Shinomi," Ren remarked, nodding in agreement. His lips curled into a cheeky grin. "They sure didn't hold back asking Shinomi what they had to back in Baron's room. You were right to not tell Shinomi the details of the prank yet; that innocent soul would never lie to them."

"Yeap!"

Not long after breakfast, Eli had come to their home for his scheduled music lesson with Natsuki. Although Reiji, Ren and Natsuki had not told the young boy about pranking the other three occupants of the apartment, Ranmaru had straightforwardly asked if Eli had been told by Reiji to do anything, whether it was related to pranks or not, and it had taken all of Reiji's might to not burst out laughing right there and then as the poor boy blinked in clueless innocence. 

_Reiji-san isn't in any trouble or anything like that, right?_ Eli had asked in worry, and Ranmaru had facepalmed as Camus and Ai shook their heads.

But even though Natsuki and Eli did not know about the plan, all of it had been working extremely well for the pranking team's advantage, with their lack of knowledge about the plan actually being a _part_ of the plan. When he, Natsuki and Ren first woke up in the morning after a night of watching anime, chatter and cuddles, Reiji had already expected Ai, Ranmaru and Camus to try and ask Natsuki questions in private when the opportunity came along and was well aware that the three targets were already awake - Reiji had been awake ever since 4:30 a.m. and so heard those three leaving their rooms. So before he went to use the bathroom, Reiji had told Natsuki to go on ahead to the kitchen without him, but not without keeping Ren's orange cellphone hidden in the back pocket of the innocent blond's trousers, kept in mute, and connected in a call with Reiji's viridian cellphone. And while Natsuki was in Camus' bedroom, Reiji had been listening in and waiting for Ren to make the necessary arrangements outside the bedrooms before going over to Camus' bedroom and interrupting the discussion. 

_Nattsun's doin' super, super well for his first time_ , Reiji thought with a bright smile curved by his own lips as he tested the toy water guns with a grinning Ren. _Our bright, warm boy just has to be himself to make this plan work, and he's doing a brilliant job helpin' us out! He was the perfect distraction to keep Ran-Ran, Ai-Ai and Myu-chan occupied in the room while Ren-Ren set everything up outside. Things are going super well for all of us to the point that my heart's all leaps and bounds!_

With Reiji's cellphone laying on the floor while connected with a call to that of Ren's that was still in Natsuki's pocket, the brunet's smile curved even more as he listened to Natsuki and Eli working on the latter's latest composition in the living room, their singing and humming soothing the heart.

_But we have yet to get to the very heart of the plan._

Ren remarked that all of the toy water guns were working and Reiji gave him a thumbs-up sign. Listening as the music lesson progressed, they both knew that it was only a matter of time until Natsuki and Eli were done, and that was when they could move on to the later stages of the prank, which included recruiting one last member.

_And when we do... I hope you three don't see it coming._

Tilting his maroon fedora, Reiji grinned and revised the prank with Ren again, needing for it to be done entirely right or they might get caught even before they had begun.

_'Cause that's what makes April Fool's Day a work of art, alright!_

Camus

As an aristocrat and a knight in service of the Silk Queen, Camus knew and understood the art of devising and implementing strategies in preparation and during confrontations and encounters against enemies, be it traitors, rebels or insurgents, regardless how severe the crimes and circumstances were. 

Gaining information, maintaining secrecy, laying out traps and evading the ones laid out for him and his comrades... Camus knew both the theory and application regarding all of it, understanding the numerous factors such as individuals' characteristics and skills, connections, reputations, weaknesses, strengths, timing and numerous others. It required much intelligent and skill to be an aristocrat of the Silk Palace and Camus was well aware that he fulfilled both requirements, thus being more than capable and independent enough in his royal duties, and it was a part of himself that he took in stride, that was a fundamental source of his pride. The adolescent boy who had been a heir to his late father's position had trained not only his swordsmanship skills, but also his mind and its ability to think carefully and quickly whilst considering every factor, opportunity and idea even when driven to a corner, and all of his efforts had undoubtedly paid off to this very day.

However, the adolescent boy who had yet to exist in Japan and its entertainment industry had not known, and had no way of knowing, that those crucial skills would not only be utilized and necessary in his royal duties, for as ridiculously absurd as it sounded...

He was using every fibre of his intellect to ensure that on this ludicrous occasion that should never have been invented in the first place, he, as well as Ranmaru, Ai and Natsuki, would not be _pranked_ , of all things for the love of sweets, by a particular frivolous fool who would stop at absolutely nothing to ensure that his outcome was reality. And that... 

That was beyond absurd. 

Truly beyond absurd.

"It appears that Natsuki and Eli have finished their music lesson."

"That is your cue, Mikaze," Camus stated, setting his teacup down as Ai and Ranmaru faced him from their position near the narrow opening of the door. He turned even more serious. "Bring Shinomiya here. Alone. Whereas make that request that we have previously discussed to Kizuna."

"You got this, Ai," Ranmaru told the youngest member of the quintet, patting him on the back. "You're the least suspicious out of the three of us if Reiji happens to see, so you'll be fine."

Ai gave Camus and Ranmaru a brief nod before calmly leaving the bedroom and shutting the door behind him. Adding another teaspoon of sugar into his teacup of peppermint tea that Natsuki had brewed earlier, Camus took note of the time, knowing that if all went without any issues, Ai, being as straightforward and careful as he was, should return in less than five minutes. He raised an eyebrow when he heard Ranmaru curse under his breath, and he addressed his bickering partner:

"Is something the matter, Kurosaki?"

"Everything is!" Ranmaru exclaimed, shaking his head rapidly as he tugged at a fistful of his silver hair. "Reiji hasn't left his room ever since Natsuki started the music lesson and the longer this lasts, the more it's freaking me out! Moreover, I can't believe that we even have to take this day for jokers _seriously_!"

Ranmaru spun around to face Camus, disbelieving frustration flashing across his features.

"The irony's so freaking ridiculous it's driving me insane!"

"How strange that we are sharing the exact same sentiment," Camus remarked, genuinely surprised that Ranmaru had arrived at that identical thought, although the rocker's was phrased in a much more informal and brusque manner. A slight smirk played at his lips as he stirred the contents of his teacup with a teaspoon. "As much as our tendency to disagree is high, we somehow derive the same idea in this bizarre situation."

"Which makes it even crazier, huh?" Ranmaru smirked back.

Camus chuckled at that. "Indeed."

Camus proceeded to pour a cup of peppermint tea for Ranmaru and the silver-haired rocker accepted it without complaints despite his substantially-high stress levels courtesy of the dangerous prankster of the group. As Ranmaru blew against the tea surface, he looked at Camus and grinned slightly, to which the baron smiled a little and grunted. _Strange how we bond amidst the peaks of insanity too._ It was as the normally-bickering duo sipped their tea a few times when the door creaked open again, revealing Ai and Natsuki. Gesturing for the two youngest members of the group to enter, Camus set down his teacup and saucer as they walked deeper into the bedroom, with Natsuki gently shutting the door behind him, and he commenced the discussion.

"Was Kotobuki physically present, Mikaze, Shinomiya?"

"Nope," Natsuki answered as Ai shook his head. "As far as I know, Rei-Rei has been in our shared bedroom. I never heard him leave."

"Eli is approaching Natsuki and Reiji's bedroom as we speak," Ai stated. At that moment, a couple of light taps could be heard, followed by the opening of another door. Ranmaru crossed his arms as the aforementioned door was shut firmly. "Based on Reiji's statements during breakfast, Eli is not one of his targets, so he should be unharmed upon entering the room."

"Thank God he's in," Ranmaru remarked, heaving out an exhale. "Let's hope he's observant enough to keep a close eye on Reiji." He smacked a hand against his left temple. "It's givin' me a splitting headache thinkin' of what that crazy dimwit could be up to at this very moment!"

"Kizuna is more skilled than most individuals assume him to be," Camus remarked, not at all concerned in regards to the teenage boy's capabilities. "Even on the fateful day in the forest, it was explicitly clear how observant he was while he noted of everyone's conditions, including those of the residence's animals."

"Kid's got a big heart," Ranmaru agreed as Natsuki nodded with a bright smile, "and it helps with his train of thought too."

"Indeed," Camus confirmed, nodding briefly. He noticed the thoughtful expression on Ai's face and addressed the teal-haired boy. "Is something the matter, Mikaze?"

"A thought just occurred inside my mind," Ai stated. He turned to Natsuki and spoke. "Natsuki, during the past couple of days, especially yesterday in particular, did Reiji contact anyone that may have any relation with this occasion?"

"For example, a vendor that sells bizarre objects," Camus articulated, fathoming what Ai was referring to. _Very thoughtful, Mikaze._ "Or perhaps, maybe even an individual who would participate in this inane activity if given the opportunity to."

"Anyone comes to memory, Natsuki?" Ranmaru asked as Natsuki's eyes widened. "No matter how ridiculous the possibility may sound, it could help, so-"

Vibrations reverberated amidst the suspenseful atmosphere like wind slicing through thick silence. Blinking in shock, Natsuki took his yellow cellphone out of his trousers' front pocket and faced them once he saw the caller ID. "It's... Rei-Rei."

Camus, Ai and Ranmaru exchanged wary looks before the latter spoke again.

"Put it on speaker."

Natsuki nodded with a faint smile and picked up the call, placing it on speaker mode. "Hello?"

"Nattsun!"

Reiji's cheerful voice rang out from the cellphone. Natsuki's smile softened as Camus placed his index finger against his lips. "Rei-Rei. What is it?"

"Big bro Rei-Rei needs your help!"

Natsuki's eyes widened in concern. "Is everything okay?"

"More specifically, both Eli-chan and I need ya!" Reiji explained, and Camus furrowed his eyebrows as Ai narrowed his eyes. "Can you please come back to our shared bedroom and take a look at the work we've done? We really want your opinion on this."

"Work?" Natsuki repeated in confusion as Ranmaru frowned suspiciously. "Is it about music or-"

"It's... kinda a secret, Natsuki-san," Eli spoke up from the call, causing Camus' eyes to widen marginally. _Kizuna?_ "Reiji-san and I will explain when you come here. Is it okay if you come here for a bit? Or do you need more time with Ai-san and the others? It's okay if you do, Natsuki-san!"

"Eto..." Natsuki looked unsure, but Camus tapped him on the shoulder and mouthed, _You may leave now._ Natsuki's eyes widened as Ranmaru and Ai nodded in agreement, but he soon gave the three of them a grateful smile and nodded. "Myu-chan, Ai-chan and Maru-chan said I can leave now. I'll be there soon, Rei-Rei, Eli-kun!"

"Yay!" Reiji cheered. "See ya soon then, our sweet Nattsun!"

"Thank you, Natsuki-san," Eli thanked Natsuki, a smile evident in his voice. "See you soon!"

"Yeap, Rei-Rei, Eli-kun!"

Natsuki hung up with a gentle smile.

"Kizuna is also reliable, so if he is confirming Kotobuki's statements, then it is safe to say that Shinomiya will not fall victim to any foolish pranks in this situation," Camus said, looking around at everyone. "Moreover, if Shinomiya is with Kotobuki as well..."

"We have two people keepin' an eye on Reiji," Ranmaru finished, grinning slightly. He patted Natsuki on the back. "So you go on ahead, Natsuki. Look for any hints that you can get. We're sure you and Eli can pull that off together."

"Thank you in advance, Natsuki," Ai thanked Natsuki, smiling faintly as he gave the innocuous blond's hand a gentle squeeze. "We sincerely appreciate it."

Camus and Ranmaru smiled as Natsuki beamed brightly and nodded. "Yeap!" He proceeded to open the door and wave at them before sprinting in the direction of his and Reiji's shared bedroom. "See you, guys!" Peering through the doorway, Camus observed as Natsuki knocked on his shared bedroom door and called out, only for the door to be opened almost immediately and him to be pulled into the bedroom. The door was shut firmly and Camus then closed his own as well.

"Ya know something? I've been havin' a real bad feeling ever since this morning began."

Ranmaru crossed his arms, his eyebrows furrowed.

"I feel like there's somethin' we're missing. Somethin' that we should be well aware of, but aren't. I know we've got two kiddos in there with Reiji, but I feel like there's some kind of catch. My gut's tellin' me that something's real off and that whatever it is is a real problem or gonna be one." He looked straight at Ai and Camus. "What do you guys think?"

"To be honest, the morning has been progressing smoothly and in a tranquil manner," Ai expressed, nodding briefly, "but I have to agree with you, Ranmaru. It is tranquil to the point that it is rather unsettling. Natsuki and Eli have both been entirely truthful, but I sense that there is a factor that we have either overlooked or not yet taken into account."

"It would be a blatant fib to state that this was not suspicious," Camus remarked, sitting on his rolling chair again. "However, as of now, I suggest that we await Shinomiya and Kizuna's update. I doubt that their endeavours will be fruitless."

"I agree," Ai mentioned.

"Can't disagree with that."

Grunting, Camus looked up at the clock hanging on the wall and mentally took note of the time again. Once a reasonable amount of time had passed by, Camus, Ai and Ranmaru were to text Natsuki and Eli and hope that Reiji did not catch either in the process of divulging information. If the two boys did not respond, most probably because Reiji had caught them, the three of them would call them and tell them to go back to this very bedroom. Camus explained his thoughts to the two remaining people in the bedroom and both nodded in agreement, their expressions grim.

_Kotobuki is a devious schemer who is not to be undermined._

Ai sat on the edge of Camus' bed and opened his laptop while Ranmaru looked down at his cellphone and cursed under his breath.

_Even in absurd circumstances such as this particularly abominable one._

Reiji Kotobuki

"That was a real close one, Nattsun!"

Reiji pulled Natsuki into his arms and hugged him tightly once the door was shut and locked, squeezing him.

"Ren-Ren would have been caught if we let the conversation continue! Our cute Ai-Ai was real smart to come up with that idea; thank God we had the call goin' so I knew that I had to cut in!"

Natsuki, Ren and Eli chuckled as Reiji let out laughs and sighs of relief. Reiji had invited Eli to join the pranking team once the small boy entered, stating that Natsuki was in too, and the small boy had agreed with an innocent, blissful smile. Listening to the conversation happening in the other bedroom with Ren and Eli, his eyes had widened when Ai arrived at the thought that someone outside of the five-man group may be involved in Reiji's plans. Knowing that Natsuki could not lie or divert the subject, Reiji had hung up the call to Ren's cellphone and called Natsuki's to interrupt, telling Eli to help him out and Ren to remain silent for as long as the call lasted. Thankfully it worked or Ren would have been caught before the prank even started. Pulling away, Reiji draped his arm around Natsuki's shoulders and smiled widely as Ren ruffled the innocent blond's hair and Eli smiled happily.

"But we didn't lie even once in that conversation over the phone."

Reiji smiled brightly.

"Ren-Ren, Eli-chan, we can show Nattsun what we've prepared now!"

Ren and Eli smiled as they approached the bed, with the former patting the latter on the head. Both males crouched down and pulled out the toy guns, all of which were loaded by their respective supplies, from under the shared bed and smiled up at Natsuki, whose gentle green eyes were widened in pure astonishment behind his black-framed glasses.

"While you were doing an amazing job distracting Ran-Ran, Ai-Ai and Myu-chan, we've all been filling up and finalizing these brilliant pranking weapons rearin' to go," Reiji explained as he chuckled, squeezing Natsuki's shoulders tightly. "This is going to be super fun and brilliant! The looks on their faces plus all these sparkles and colours are sure gonna be an April Fool's Day masterpiece!"

"Bukky and I picked up the toy guns and supplies on the way back from idol work and hid them under the bed before you and the other senpais came back yesterday," Ren proceeded as he held up a large blue water gun and ran his fingers along the surface with a satisfied smile. "Li-chan's helped us do a final round of tests to make sure everything is working just fine."

"Are you okay with this, Natsuki-san?" Eli asked with wide and bright amber eyes, tugging at Natsuki's arm with a hopeful smile. 

Natsuki's eyes said it all. Those kind, innocent eyes were not only bright, but were also sparkling with pure happiness and enthusiasm, and it was a sight that was deeply warmed and melted Reiji's heart at the same time. Looking around at the three of them, Natsuki beamed brightly and told them, "This is going to be the very best April Fool's Day for all of us. The four of us, Myu-chan, Ai-chan and Maru-chan." That precious smile reached his eyes. "Let's give Ai-chan and the others a big, bright surprise together!"

"You said it, our dearest Nattsun!" Reiji cheered as he, Ren and Eli all pulled Natsuki into a group hug. "The colours will be alight both physically and emotionally, alright! Now that we are all in agreement and have set everything up as planned..."

Reiji smiled widely, fully ready for what was to come.

"Let's officially begin, Nattsun, Eli-chan, Ren-Ren!"

Ranmaru Kurosaki

The muffled creaking of a door was heard.

Followed by silence.

Ranmaru frowned in suspicion as Camus and Ai narrowed their eyes. None of them had received texts or calls from Natsuki and Eli. Did Reiji catch both of them after all? Did he somehow manage to take away their phones? Oh God, this was a freaking mess. Shaking his head, Ranmaru ruffled his own silver hair, knowing that both possibilities were beyond horrendous when they were the very last thing they needed. The longer the silence persisted, the more this whole mess drove his mind insane like a car without brakes, and he gritted his teeth as he spun around to face his close friends again.

"Now what?" Ranmaru questioned, his heart flaring with emotion. "Should we open the door and check who on freaking earth it was and take our chances?"

"Let us attempt to call their cellphones now," Camus stated, pulling his ice-blue cellphone out of his pocket. "I shall make a call to Shinomiya. Mikaze, do call Kizuna."

"Okay."

Ranmaru watched as both Camus and Ai dialled Natsuki and Eli's phone numbers respectively and made the calls. However, everyone's eyes soon widened as the calls remained unanswered, causing Ranmaru's heart to burn with even more fear and panic. "This can't be happening! Natsuki! Eli!" Camus and Ai tried again, but the result was the same. It was futile. "Reiji got them! Reiji must have gotten them! So if anyone's outside, it's most likely-"

The tapping of knuckles against the door cut Ranmaru off mid-sentence, causing blood to drain from his face. "Oh God..." Against his better judgement, wanting to get this done and over with, Ranmaru stormed over to the door, unlocked it, and yanked it open, wondering what freaking nightmare was waiting for him. 

"Kurosaki-"

"What in the freaking name of rock is _this_?"

Ranmaru bellowed, on the verge of exploding, scowling at a life-sized figure of himself printed on paper. It was taken from a photo of him from an animal-themed photo shoot and in that particular shoot, he had been assigned cats to work with. The gentleness of his expression and the capturing of his laughs as he played with the felines in that particular photo and the fact that it had been printed to his height and made into this audacity caused his cheeks to swell with blood that was boiling inside of him like lava in a volcano threatening to erupt. Spinning around, he found Camus and Ai staring at him and the life-sized figure in mild surprise and partial amusement, causing him to scowl even more.

"Oi! This ain't funny!" he shouted as he snatched the life-sized figure and dropped it face-down onto the ground.

"I beg to differ, Kurosaki," Camus remarked with a smug smirk.

"I agree." Ai smiled.

"Hey! You guys ain't freaking- _Oi_!"

Another life-sized figure had been put up. This time, however, it was of himself wearing nothing but a grey wind jacket and black swimming trunks from the swimwear photo shoot that all of them had done last summer, causing his face to burn in even more anger and embarrassment, and it was near the sofa closest to the glass wall of the living room. Clenching his fists, Ranmaru shouted, " _Reiji_!" and proceeded to storm out of the bedroom towards that embarrassing figure, footsteps following behind him.

 _Reiji, you are so freaking_ dead, he ranted in his head, cursing as he did so. _So freaking d-_

"Now!"

"Wha-"

Jets of dyed water were suddenly shot out from numerous directions and against Ranmaru, Camus and Ai in a stream of colours. It was not just small squirts; it was literal _bursts_ of water already coloured in pink, yellow, blue and green, and Ranmaru and Camus could only yell out in anger as the water drenched the three of them from head to toe, dripping down onto the floor. It was at that moment when Ranmaru looked around and froze. Reiji was not alone and of all freaking people, the ones joining him were-

" _Jinguji_."

"Natsuki? Eli?"

" _Reiji_ , what on freaking- Ah!"

The guns had been quickly switched and now countless bits of rainbow-coloured confetti were being fired at the three of them standing at the centre of the living room, pelting against them relentlessly like a storm of colours. Just as Camus raised his voice and demanded for Reiji to stop this foolishness, the cheeky brunet's laughs were heard as he cried out, "Switch again!" and the guns were switched _yet_ again, revealing more guns with a supply that made Ranmaru pale. "Now!"

"No-"

The supplies were fired at the three of them again and as Ai tried to shield his face, Ranmaru could feel not only his patience, but also his _dignity_ slipping away as he tried not to imagine what he would see if he looked into the mirror right now. The guns had shot glitter. And to him in particular, to be specific, _pink_ glitter. _Pink_. First, dyed water. Then, countless confetti. And now, pink glitter aimed right at him when Ai and Camus got colours that Ranmaru would have much preferred over pink of _all freaking things_. Whipping his head around, Ranmaru found Ai and Camus as unamused as he was, covered in green and yellow glitter that stuck to their wet bodies respectively along with confetti and colour dye.

"The audacity of peasants..."

"Guys, we did it! Have a good look! The view's amazing!"

Ranmaru glared as Reiji stood up from behind the red armchair and burst into peals of laughter at the sight before his eyes. "Reiji, you little-" He turned and found a shameless Ren standing behind the brown armchair and covering his mouth as he laughed freely, a cheeky gleam in his blue eyes. "When did _you_ freaking get here?"

"Sorry, Ranmaru-san! Ai-san! Camus-san!"

A light voice filled Ranmaru's ears and his disbelieving self spun around to face Eli and Natsuki, who appeared from behind the purple sofa, hardly able to process the fact that these two were in on this as well.

"But we're all having fun, right?" Eli asked, his eyes glistening as he chuckled.

"You guys look so colourful!" Natsuki exclaimed with a pure, bright smile, his green eyes shining, and that made Ranmaru smack his hand against his own face.

"Of all the things you should be sayin', 'colourful' ain't one of them, Natsuki!" he yelled, his blood boiling as the pink glitter sparkled under the lighting and the four members of Team Reiji's Pranksters laughed. "What in the living name of rock, Natsuki, Eli? Were you two in on this all along? How on actual earth were you when you answered everythin' we asked honestly-"

"You guys kept askin' Nattsun the wrong questions!" Reiji pointed out, wrapping an arm around Natsuki. He laughed. "You all know as much as I do that Nattsun does not and will never have the heart to lie to any of you! If you had asked him the right questions, we would have been caught already!"

"Bukky and I initially did not tell Shinomi and Li-chan what the plan was," Ren explained, smirking as he crossed his arms and Ai narrowed his eyes. "That way, Shinomi and Li-chan would have been able to truthfully say, 'I don't know', if you asked if they knew. And we chose to invite Li-chan only after he finished his music class so that in the scenario you asked him about today, he would have no problem answering."

"Jinguji, how dare you-" Camus scowled.

"The credit isn't mine. That part was all Bukky's idea, not mine."

"Reiji, you freaking-"

"I do recall the three of us asking Natsuki if you, Reiji, contacted anyone who could potentially be involved in this activity before today," Ai mentioned, his teal eyes suspicious. "However, before Natsuki could give us an answer, you called his mobile phone." He narrowed his eyes even more. "That was not a coincidence, was it?"

"Nope!" Reiji shook his head, his grin widening.

"Then how-" Ranmaru demanded.

"Oh yeah, Shinomi. Can I have my phone back now, please?"

"Yeap!"

Ranmaru and Camus froze. The two of them and Ai stared in incredulousness as a cheerful Natsuki pulled Ren's orange cellphone out of his trousers' back pocket and held it out to the flirtatious saxophonist. "Here you go, Ren-kun!" Eli chuckled as Ren grinned and accepted the cellphone back, the latter thanking Natsuki and ruffling the sunshine blond's hair. Taking in a long breath, Ranmaru felt his fists clench harder and begin to tremble as Ren turned to him and smirked without a trace of shame, unable to believe that freaking Reiji. 

"So let me get this freaking straight," he spoke, trying with all his might not to explode as everyone faced him. "Reiji. So not only did you have the big idea to have this massive prank on this cursed occasion-"

"Hey! This occasion is not curs-"

"But you also invited freaking Ren-"

"Love you too, Ran-chan." Ren winked with a sly grin.

"And I freaking bet he stayed overnight in your and Natsuki's bedroom..."

"It was a very happy sleepover!" Natsuki commented with a bright smile.

"And last but not freaking least, you went as far as to make sure that both Natsuki _and_ Eli's heads were empty in regards of your majestic plan knowin' how innocent they were and got them involved in that grand scheme on this occasion that should be kicked out of the freaking calendar!" Ranmaru shouted, jabbing a finger straight at Reiji who burst out laughing. His glare intensified. "And what's so freaking _funny_?"

"The thing is, Ran-Ran," Reiji tried to explain as he spluttered with laughter, clutching his stomach with his free hand, "the expressions you make are one of the main things that make it super worth it to prank you every year and so-" he laughed again "-even as you yell at us now... I can't help but laugh! You have such a colourful quality to your angry face, ya know!"

"Natsuki-san, how is Reiji-san able to laugh about Ranmaru-san being angry?" Eli asked, glancing between Reiji and Ranmaru with confused eyes. "Ranmaru-san is actually rather scary when angry..."

"You will grow accustomed to his deliriously-short temper in due time, Kizuna," Camus stated, crossing his arms. "As a matter of fact, amongst the six of us, he is, in actuality, the least intimidating when angered."

"Oi!"

"Say, Ran-chan," Ren called out, prompting Ranmaru to glower at the Casanova, "you have yet to give your comment on this lovely image of yourself from the glorious beach." He held up the life-sized figure of a shirtless Ranmaru and grinned. "You look really handsome, don't you, Ran-"

"You'd better shut your mouth before I punch you in the freaking f-"

"Your abs look fine-"

"You are so _dead_!"

Shouting at the top of his lungs, Ranmaru raised a fist and chased after Ren, cursing as the two of them ran in the apartment. Eventually, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru managed to kick Ren out and the latter had the honour of slamming the door in the Casanova's face as he howled with laughter and attempted to make another remark. Reiji, Natsuki and Eli voluntarily began cleaning up the mess made from the prank while Ranmaru, Ai and Camus headed into their respective bedrooms so that they could take a shower and change clothes. Just as he locked his bedroom door, an idea flashed across his head and although his eyes widened at first, his lips soon curled into a sinister smirk. 

_This is not over._

And with that smirk plastered across his face, he took out his crimson cellphone from his trousers' pocket and texted the group chat with Ai and Camus, knowing that they would want the exact same thing.

_Not even close, Reiji._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"You worked extremely hard to make today bright and colourful, and you sincerely did."

Natsuki whispered as he carefully pulled the warm quilt to cover Reiji's chest, a gentle smile tinging his lips and heart.

"Sweet dreams, Rei-Rei. Love you so, so much."

After having homemade curry together for lunch, everyone had accompanied Eli down to the condominium's entrance and brought him to his parents who were picking him up. Reiji and Natsuki had gone back to their shared bedroom and begun watching a comedy anime together while cuddling, and it was towards the end of the second episode when the latter noticed that the former had fallen asleep. Reiji had woken up extremely early and come up with most of the ideas to prank Ranmaru, Ai and Camus, and Natsuki was deeply grateful for how much time and effort the brunet had put into making today one filled with pure happiness and fun for all of them. His heart melting at how precious and adorable his best friend looked as the brunet's eyes remained peacefully closed, Natsuki tucked the star plushie and Fawnie, the fawn plushie, close to Reiji under the quilt, as the latter's head shifted slightly on the fluffy pillow and a serene smile adorned his lips. 

_Ai-chan, Myu-chan and Maru-chan must be really tired too_ , Natsuki thought, smiling lightly as he soothingly patted Reiji on the shoulder. _I'll go make some tea for them. And once Rei-Rei has woken up, maybe we can all have hot chocolate and spend more time together._

His heart softened as he straightened himself up.

_Even thinking of the memories that we'll share makes me happier._

Quietly, he approached the bedroom door, unlocking and opening it as softly as he could, not wanting to accidentally jolt Reiji out of sleep. Natsuki slipped out of the door and shut it softly but firmly behind him once he was outside, letting out a sigh of relief that he did not make much sound. Walking along the commonplace, Natsuki hummed the gentle melody of a song that all of them loved as he began thinking of what tea to brew.

 _Maybe chamomile or green tea would be nice..._ he pondered silently. _Or actually... green tea with mint. It's been awhile since we drank that and all of us enjoyed it the last time. Let's s-_

A hand suddenly grabbed his arm and his eyes dilated.

"E-Ehh- Wa-"

A hand covered his mouth immediately after he was pulled into a room, his heart thudding in pure shock. As Ai locked the door, Natsuki turned and found that the person holding onto him was Camus, whose ice-blue eyes were serious as Ranmaru heaved out a sigh. Once Ai had tested the door handle and given him a brief nod, Camus nodded in return and released Natsuki, who let out a soft exhale and stared at all three of them as he noted that he was back in the platinum-blond's bedroom.

"This is an important matter, Shinomiya."

Camus gestured at the rolling chair by the study desk, his ice-blue eyes grave.

"Please, do have a seat."

Ai Mikaze

It had only taken 10 seconds for Ranmaru to text Camus and Ai after the three of them had returned to their respective bedrooms for a much-needed shower. Specifically, about revenge. He had suggested pranking Reiji as retribution for the prank that he had pulled on them earlier in the bizarre occasion, and as often as both Ai and Camus disagreed with the silver-haired male on a daily basis, they agreed, with the former admitting that it was a rather entertaining approach. However, before the three of them could commence with their prank of retribution, they required the willing participation of one final person without whom the probability of success would be extremely low:

Natsuki.

Therefore, after they had noticed Natsuki in the commonplace alone without Reiji present to intervene with the plan, Camus had grabbed the younger male's arm and pulled him into their constant place of meeting: Camus' bedroom. Standing close to Ranmaru, Ai observed as Natsuki did as Camus told him to do and took a seat on the rolling chair by the study desk, even as the innocent blond's eyes remained as confused as they were clueless. Placing a hand on Natsuki's shoulder, Ai met his best friend's eyes and spoke.

"Natsuki, what is Reiji currently doing?"

"Rei-Rei is fast asleep, Ai-chan," Natsuki answered softly. 

Ranmaru grunted. "No wonder he wasn't with ya."

"Did something happen, guys?" Natsuki asked, concern sweeping across his face. "Do we need to wake Rei-Rei u-"

"Help us."

Natsuki tilted his head in confusion. "With what, Maru-"

"Help us prank Reiji back."

"E-Ehh...?" Natsuki's green eyes widened in pure shock.

"Reiji may have won Round 1, but we ain't lettin' him off the hook just yet," Ranmaru remarked as Camus nodded briefly, folding his arms with a grin. "Not even freaking close. The guy's crazy with his pranks, but that doesn't mean that it's impossible to get some sweet, deserved payback. And in order to do that, we need ya on board with us, kiddo."

"In order to be successful, we need your involvement, Natsuki," Ai elaborated, wrapping his hand around his best friend's shoulder a little tighter. "I can safely say that we have a 95% probability of prevailing if you agree to join us. The likelihood of success would be close to 0 without you, just like it would have been for Reiji if he had not recruited you."

"Kotobuki was undeniably cunning in terms of turning your innocence into an advantage in his grand scheme," Camus remarked, crossing his arms with a grave expression. "However, if you were to combine forces with us, I am absolutely certain that victory will be ours and that we shall be able to serve that peasant the retribution that he deserves for his previous scheme."

He looked deeply into Natsuki's eyes, pressing his sceptre against the ground.

"Will you give us your assistance, Shinomiya?"

"E-Eto..."

Natsuki's voice was quiet, nearly inaudible as he lowered his eyes.

"But if I join you guys..."

He paused as he raised his head up to face all of them again, with Ai confused.

"... doesn't that mean... that Rei-Rei will be alone?" 

Ai's eyes widened in pure astonishment, his heart genuinely taken aback, unable to believe that of all possibilities, these words were Natsuki's current response. Even with the knowledge of how kind and innocent the sunshine blond was. "I don't want Rei-Rei to be lonely-"

" _Natsuki_!"

Ranmaru yelled out, lunging forward and grabbing Natsuki by the shoulders, pulling him closer. 

"Of all freaking things, _that's_ what you're worried about?" he exclaimed as Natsuki stared at him with dilated green eyes, gripping his shoulders even tighter. "Come on, kiddo! This ain't a matter about being alone or lonely; not even close! I'm real sure that that dimwit can last one prank without anyone on his side of the fence, so you don't have to spare a freaking thought about that of all things, Natsuki! He'll survive, no doubt about it!"

"But Maru-chan..." Natsuki's voice was trembling, displaying clear indications of being overwhelmed, "being lonely even if just for a little while is filled with sadness-"

"He ain't gonna be freaking lonely!"

"But-"

"No!"

"Cease this, you fool!" Camus ordered as he and Ai pulled Ranmaru away from Natsuki, his tone deep with disapproval. He narrowed his eyes sternly. "You can clearly see that you are overwhelming Shinomiya, and it is not helping the matter in hand. Allow me and Mikaze to handle this. I am certain that a more grounded approach will be much more effective than this reckless, impatient behaviour."

"I agree," Ai stated as Ranmaru inhaled and exhaled. "A mutual agreement cannot be made if our emotions are uncontrolled, after all."

"Indeed."

Looking around at all three of them, Ranmaru heaved out a heavy exhale and nodded. "Fine." And Ai and Camus immediately released them. As he regained his composure, Ranmaru rubbed the back of his head and faced Natsuki with a gentler expression, muttering an apology. "Sorry 'bout that, kiddo." Natsuki shook his head with a slight smile, and Camus stepped forward and placed a hand on the younger blond's shoulder, his ice-blue eyes serious.

"Now. Shinomiya, I would like to know this." Camus' voice and expression were sincerely calm, especially when compared to those of Ranmaru during his unrestrained exclamations. "How did Kotobuki convince you to prank me, Kurosaki and Mikaze the night before?" He narrowed his eyes. "What did that peasant tell you?"

"That, I wanna know too," Ranmaru pointed out as Ai nodded, the latter sharing the same sentiments. Natsuki was not at all the type of person who would normally pull pranks on other people, regardless whom invited him to do so. Prior to bringing Natsuki into their meeting room, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus had agreed that there was a high likelihood that convincing Natsuki to participate in pranking Reiji would be a struggle, and they had been 100% accurate. The question was:

Was it also this difficult for Reiji to convince Natsuki to help him and Ren prank them? 

"Rei-Rei told me that April Fool's Day is all about having fun and making happy memories together."

Disbelief thrummed through Ai's heart as Natsuki smiled softly. _That was his method of persuasion?_ Camus rubbed his right temple as Ranmaru nearly choked. _Was that... all it took for him?_

"As long as all of us are laughing and smiling together, even if the prank fails, it would all be worth the effort," Natsuki continued, his eyes shining under the fluorescent lamps, "and Rei-Rei was completely right about that. All seven of us had so much fun earlier in the morning! It was so bright and colourful too-"

"That's it?"

Natsuki nodded, beaming as Camus and Ai noticed the strain in Ranmaru's voice. "Yeap, Maru-chan!"

"All that dimwit had to do was point that out..." Ranmaru's hand slowly slipped down his face, his patience visibly thinning as he uttered the words through gritted teeth, "... and you went right on board?"

"Yep!"

"'Bright and colourful'... huh...?"

He slowly reached his hand up and curled his fingers around a fistful of silver hair, that same hand beginning to tremble as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"I am done..." His tone was low as his shoulders trembled. "So, so freaking done. Reiji... that freaking, freaking dimwit... he... of all things, he..."

"Kurosaki-" Camus began as Ai predicted what was about to come.

" _He_ gets the _easy_ part?" Ranmaru shouted, his frustration breaking loose like flames as his eyes snapped open.

Natsuki's eyes flew open in shock as Ai quietly sighed and mentally facepalmed at the expected occurrence. _This is exactly why Camus and I rated you a 10 for a shortage of anger management._ "Maru-chan, are you o-"

"No, I ain't!" Ranmaru exclaimed, shaking his head rapidly. "Is this occasion just cursed for the whole lot of us? It's been literal minutes and the three of us have _yet_ to get you on board with helpin' us prank that crazy dunce, while all it took for him was the expression of the idea of freaking _camaraderie_ and you were _in_?"

"His timing was better as well-" Ai noted.

"April 1 just freaking hates us!" Ranmaru yelled. "It's dumping its misfortune on us and is lettin' everything be in freaking Reiji's favour! Even after we all fell into his trap just this morning! And when we actually decide to band together and get some well-deserved payback, we find out that _we_ get the short end of the freaking stick instead of him?" He swore a few times. "He's hard enough to prank as it is; we don't need a curse to make it even harder!"

"Calm down, Kurosaki," Camus told Ranmaru, his voice placid and stable. "While I do concur that the three of us are at a disadvantage and clearly have a more tedious scenario, it is not at all equivalent to it being impossible for us to play our cards right, is it not? Or are you telling me that you have surrendered to the foolish occasion so easily?" Ranmaru glared and Camus smirked. "That was what I thought."

As Ranmaru murmured something under his breath, Camus shifted his gaze back to Natsuki, who tilted his head and faced him with wide green eyes.

"Based on your explanation, Shinomiya, the main reason why you agreed to assist Kotobuki and Jinguji in their endeavours is because of friendship amongst all of us, am I correct?"

Natsuki nodded with a gentle smile. "Yeap, Myu-chan."

"That being said, I would like to inquire this." A small smile played at Camus' lips and Ai knew from that alone that the platinum-blond male already had an idea formulated inside his head. "Is it not considered another group activity amidst the festivities if the four of us are to pull a prank on Kotobuki? It involves all five of us and we would all be, as quoted from you, 'laughing and smiling together.' Am I wrong?" 

Natsuki shook his head with a light chuckle as Ranmaru stared at Camus in pure disbelief and Ai smiled faintly at the exchange between the two blonds of the group. "You aren't at all, Myu-chan. You're right, but if the four of us are in one group," the worry returned to his eyes, "Rei-Rei will be alone, right?"

"He will be the sole target, but you do not have to fret about his emotional state of being. As Kurosaki said, albeit in an unconvincingly impatient manner," Camus stated, ignoring the sharp glare he received from Ranmaru, "Kotobuki will not suffer from loneliness. In fact, I am certain that he will view this as a challenge."

"A challenge...?" 

"Indeed," Camus confirmed, nodding briefly. "He has yet to be pranked by a single one of us and so if he were to discover that the four of us were attempting to pull a prank on him, he would thoroughly relish in the occasion even more as he tries to avoid falling for our endeavours. He is a bright intellectual, but he knows that he may not undermine us, and it will be all the more riveting for him."

"As much as I still think April 1 needs to be kicked off the calendar, if we're celebrating this occasion as a group, we can't end it with just one prank, right?" Ranmaru remarked, much calmer than he previously had been, grinning as he propped an elbow against Ai's shoulder. "It'll be a blast for the whole lot of us, kiddo, and that includes Reiji too."

"I agree with both Camus and Ranmaru," Ai said, his lips easing into a light smile as he nodded. "The festivities would be jarringly incomplete if the activities ceased in the early morning and no one attempted to prank Reiji." He let out a soft laugh. "I formerly did not see any purpose to participate in such activities, but the person that I am now has a clearer understanding on how even the most seemingly comical and pointless of occasions have the potential to strengthen bonds and create beautiful memories."

Ai gently placed a hand over the left side of his chest that now contained a beating, human heart as Natsuki smiled warmly at him, returning that earnest smile.

"That is what I feel about today, and so it would mean more than I can truly put into words if we can continue the festivities together - the five of us."

Camus smiled slightly as Ranmaru grinned and patted Ai on the back. This was certainly not the route that Ai had initially predicted this conversation to take, but he did not mind even a little. To be completely honest, Ai had been quite surprised when Camus said all those statements to Natsuki in regards to the occasion and friendship. Given Camus' duties that comprised of negotiation, planning and implementation, as well as his intellect, Ai was sure that the older blond had initiated this discussion well prepared for any struggles in terms of convincing Natsuki, and his thoughts had been confirmed. He was also certain that Camus had displayed his authoritative, stern and demanding nature during those aforementioned duties in order to achieve the results that he desired, with all those traits being coupled by his sheer intellect. However, Camus had been both understanding and gentle with Natsuki instead, taking the innocent boy's feelings and thoughts into account while expressing his own. And as gentle as he had been, Camus had also been purely sincere, and Ai could not help but feel his heart be touched by that fact, which, in turn, made him smile both on the outside and inside. 

_Strangeness can be beautiful too._

The thought quietly seeping through his head, Ai felt himself smile a bit more as he, Camus and Ranmaru waited for Natsuki's response.

_This is one of the examples, one of the most cherished of examples, even if unexpected._

"I feel the same way, Myu-chan, Ai-chan, Maru-chan."

Natsuki admitted, his eyes shimmering gently with emotion.

"I would love to continue celebrating April Fool's Day with all of you too, with the five of us laughing and smiling together with our hearts. And it would be really exciting to pull a prank this afternoon, whether we are the ones doing the pranking or trying not to be pranked, and it'll be another precious memory shared between the five of us."

Rubbing the back of his neck, Natsuki smiled gently at them as he squeezed Camus' hand on his shoulder.

"I have one last question, though."

"What is it, Shinomiya?" Camus inquired as Ranmaru dipped his hands into his pockets and Ai tilted his head slightly.

"You guys want to prank Rei-Rei back for pranking you guys earlier, right?"

"Ya got that right," Ranmaru answered as he grinned and Ai and Camus nodded.

"But if that's the case..."

Natsuki's eyes softened with his voice.

"Doesn't that mean that I should be pranked too?"

Ai stared at Natsuki in pure surprise as Ranmaru gaped and Camus' eyes widened slightly, neither of them expecting Natsuki to ask that question at all.

"I also joined in pranking you guys," Natsuki continued, a shy smile adorning his lips, "and... I think that it wouldn't be fair if Rei-Rei is the only one who gets pranked in return. From what I can understand, April Fool's Day is about pulling pranks and being pranked in return, so it's most fair for all five of us if both Rei-Rei and I are pranked back. At least, that's what I believe."

He gazed at them with an innocent warmth glistening in his pure green eyes.

"So is it okay... if you guys prank me too?"

"N-Natsuki..."

Ranmaru muttered Natsuki's name, his heterochromatic eyes now gentler as he stared at their innocent friend. Camus' expression appeared to have softened as well while remaining surprised, whereas as Ai kept his eyes on Natsuki, he felt emotions sweeping across his heart like gentle tides. During the earliest hours of the day, Ranmaru, Ai and Camus had all committed themselves into evading the act of being pranked, exerting tremendous effort into doing so. Yet with an earnest, innocent heart, here Natsuki was, requesting to be pranked by the three of them, believing that it should be done and did not mind even the slightest bit when he could have. His innocent kindness and sincerity made Ai's heart squeeze in pain and be shrouded with warmth simultaneously and it made his lips voluntarily ease into a gentle smile that he deeply meant.

_Your heart is a constant that never fails to move mine._

Ai reached out and intertwined his fingers with those of Natsuki's left hand, squeezing gently.

_Never change, Natsuki. Please... never change._

"What an unusual, unprecedented request."

Camus let out a few deep chuckles, an amused smile formed by his lips.

"However, it is precisely the type of request that you would make. It is quite the refreshing reminder of how considerate and kind you are as a friend and person, Shinomiya, and that could never be a bad trait of yours."

"So you wanna be pranked, huh?"

Ranmaru's lips slanted into a lopsided grin as he ruffled Natsuki's fluffy blond hair.

"That's somethin' the three of us shouldn't have a problem doing. Whaddya say, Ai, Camus?"

"I am alright with this," Ai replied, smiling faintly.

"We will gladly accommodate this," Camus stated with a sincere smile.

"There ya go, kiddo! All said and done!"

"Thank you so, so much, guys," Natsuki thanked them, smiling warmly. "So let's all continue having fun and sharing memories together with Rei-Rei today, with more pranks and laughs to come!"

"You don't have to thank us for agreeing to prank you, kiddo!" Ranmaru guffawed, shaking his head. "But if that's what rocks your boat, I ain't complainin'. And you bet we're continuin' the pranking business; I ain't stoppin' 'til everyone in this home has been pranked at least once, alright!"

Ai nodded with a gentle smile and Natsuki beamed, squeezing Ai's hand tightly.

"However, before we initiate the plan to return the favour to Kotobuki..."

Camus' smile turned sly, his tone low.

"I believe that this is the perfect time to fulfil your request, Shinomiya."

Natsuki's eyes widened in surprise and confusion as Ranmaru smirked and Ai turned curious. "Now? Myu-chan, that was really fast-"

"Are you aware of the room that you are currently inside?"

Natsuki nodded. "Yeap, it's your bedroom, Myu-chan."

"Precisely," Camus confirmed, his smirk darkening as he approached the drawers nearest to his bed. "This is my territory, meaning that my personal belongings are all organized and kept in this very room. And therefore, with the door securely locked..."

He opened the middle drawer and took three white feathers out, holding them up as his voice echoed the smirk glinting in his ice-blue eyes, his lips curling more at Natsuki's widened eyes filled with shock.

"... and with your weakness to being tickled by these feathers in my hand," Camus straightened himself and smirked as Natsuki began to smile nervously, "... you do realize that you have fallen into what has become a trap, correct?"

"And you ain't gettin' out of this."

Pushing the rolling chair away from the study desk and towards Camus, Ranmaru smirked as he stepped behind Natsuki and clamped his hands down on the younger blond's shoulders, keeping him in place. Ranmaru's eyes turned even more amused when Natsuki's eyes widened at the sudden contact.

"Not even by a bit," he continued, teasing the younger blond. "You asked for this, and boy are the three of us gonna take advantage of this 'til we're done." Ranmaru grinned. "Of all the freaking pranks to be pulled, this is one that I am sure gonna take my time enjoyin' and I ain't gonna hold back; you have my word I ain't!"

"I sincerely hope that you are well prepared, Natsuki."

Ai accepted one white feather from Camus and gave Natsuki a mischievous smile.

"You make quite an abundance of priceless expressions while tickled," Ai traced the white feather along Natsuki's arm and smiled when the latter started to chuckle, "such as this. Just a few seconds of this are not nearly sufficient, and even that description feels like an understatement."

"Your wish is our command."

Camus teased, smirking as he tilted Natsuki's chin up with his right hand and positioned the white feather against the sunshine blond's neck with his left hand.

"Happy April Fool's Day, Shinomiya."

Natsuki's lips eased into a warm smile and he was about to speak, only to be cut off by his own laughs when Camus started tickling him down the left side of his neck. "Myu-chan- Wahh!" Exchanging smiles, Ai and Ranmaru nodded at each other and proceeded to lift Natsuki up, by the legs and shoulders respectively, from the rolling chair, causing the younger blond to yelp in surprise and chuckle as Camus smirked knowingly. Falling together with Natsuki onto the king size bed, Ranmaru grinned as Ai and Camus joined him, and the three of them used their white feathers to tickle Natsuki on various parts of his body, teasingly focusing on his weak areas as he struggled and laughed freely.

"Ai, you made a whole document on where he's most ticklish, right?"

"I truly have, as a matter of fact, and I have memorized it by heart. Would you like a recap?"

"That would be much appreciated, Mikaze. Please, do begin."

Smiling impishly down at Natsuki, who was failing to contain his laughs with each passing moment, Ai began to recite from memory the specific parts of the innocent blond's body at which he was most susceptible to being tickled and with each part he mentioned, a smirking Ranmaru and Camus aimed their white feathers at that specific part and tickled relentlessly, drawing out more laughter from the entire group. Ranmaru jokingly challenged Natsuki to stop them if he could, with Camus and Ai agreeing, and amidst uncontrollable chuckling, Natsuki accepted and tried to get up and free himself as they tickled him ceaselessly. Which, as expected, was rendered futile as Ranmaru and Camus, despite their daily bickering, cooperated and pinned the younger boy's arms down, taking one arm each, and Ai gently but firmly pressed his left leg down, leaving him no room to escape.

_Even when you are the victim of the prank, you are smiling brightly with utmost sincerity, allowing us to do as we please. I would be lying if I said that the thought being phrased that way did not make even the slightest twinge of guilt reach my heart. But at the same time..._

Natsuki's kind green eyes shone with pure happiness as he laughed, giving in without even the slightest bit of reluctance as Ai mischievously poked at his cheek with his white feather.

_It is shrouded in pure happiness and warmth, both of which are intertwining with my heartbeat._

It was only minutes later when everyone collectively agreed to stop, with Natsuki inhaling and exhaling unsteadily while chuckling in between intakes and releases of breaths. Laughing quietly, Ai laid sideways beside him and pulled him into a tight hug as Camus and Ranmaru settled beside them, quietly noting in his own mind that his heart was palpitating in an inconsistent rate but with true, warm merriment that he knew would continue to grow with these memories. Although he knew that the atmosphere would be engulfed in chaos soon enough, Ai smiled serenely as Ranmaru tousled his teal hair and Camus patted Natsuki on the back with a deep chuckle.

_And the knowledge that there is much more to come fills me with true joy... an emotion that I have learned to cherish being both the giver and the receiving end of. That itself makes me happy... truly happy._

Reiji Kotobuki

"So Ran-Ran, Ai-Ai and Myu-chan are all tryin' to prank me back and asked for your help?"

"Yep."

"Did they tell you what prank they wanted to pull?"

"Nope," Natsuki answered, shaking his head with a light smile. "They just told me to bring you outside after you had woken up from your nap."

"So they're using the same strategy that I did earlier."

Reiji shook his head with a few chuckles.

"Unbelievable. But I'm not surprised."

Natsuki chuckled as Reiji pulled him closer and hugged him tightly. When Reiji woke up from his nap just about ten minutes ago, he had been surprised to find that his best friend and cuddling buddy was gone. Just as he had wrapped his own arms around his star plushie and thought of searching for Natsuki, the door had creaked open and revealed the sunshine blond who smiled warmly at him. Reiji's eyes had dilated when he found Natsuki's hair and clothes all ruffled and dishevelled and his voice breathy, and he had grabbed the younger blond by the hands and asked what happened, genuinely concerned. That was when Natsuki, with a reassuring smile, told him that he just got pranked by Ranmaru, Ai and Camus, and that the three of them were targeting Reiji next.

Laying down on the bed, Reiji could not help at laugh again at the thought that those three had used the same strategy of not letting Natsuki know the details of the prank just yet so that he could say "I don't know" if the brunet asked, which he did. Although he knew that today was crazy, it deeply warmed Reiji's heart knowing that regardless how crazy things got, every member of this family made sure that Natsuki remained innocent throughout it all, even when thy could have gotten carried away with the pranking. Threading his fingers through Natsuki's soft blond hair, Reiji smiled softly as Natsuki's lips curved into a warm smile, and he spoke again.

"Nattsun."

"Yes, Rei-Rei?"

"What prank did they pull on you?"

"They tickled me with white feathers in Myu-chan's room."

Reiji's eyes widened. "What?"

"Myu-chan came up with the idea right there and then," Natsuki continued, chuckling when he saw the expression on Reiji's face. "The door was locked and since it was his bedroom, he had his white feathers there, and he, Ai-chan and Maru-chan pranked me at that moment."

"Myu-chan's super smart, isn't he?" Reiji remarked, laughing again as he shook his head. "That makes him real dangerous in times like these. Though I really didn't think that he, Ai-Ai and Maru-chan would try and prank you. I thought for sure that if they ever wanted to prank anyone back for what happened in the morning, it would be me and Ren-Ren."

"They didn't at first."

"Then what changed?" Reiji asked, confused.

"I asked them to do it."

"E-Ehh?"

Reiji nearly yelled, staring at Natsuki in pure shock and disbelief.

"You asked them to prank you?" Reiji repeated, unsure if his ears were hearing it right. Natsuki nodded with a bright smile and Reiji's jaw dropped. "Why did you do that? I know how kind my dearest Nattsun is, but why?"

"Because..."

Natsuki's green eyes softened as he placed his hand on top of Reiji's, his voice quieter.

"Because I didn't think it would be fair if you were the only one who got pranked in return."

Reiji's eyes widened, his heart turning warmer at the sound of those unexpected yet earnest words. "Nattsun..."

"I also helped prank them, so I believed that if you were to be pranked, I should be pranked too," Natsuki explained, gazing at Reiji with a deep, tender expression. "They were shocked too when I asked them to prank me, but I saw that the prank that they pulled on me - tickling me with white feathers - brought even more happiness and created more precious memories to hold close. And that's what matters the most; all five of us being happy with one another. April Fool's Day is about pulling pranks and being pranked, right? And so I'm happy..."

Squeezing Reiji's hand again, Natsuki gave him a warm, bright smile that glowed in his kind eyes and gentle voice like sunshine and flowers.

"That both of us get to be pranked back. Or at least..." he let out a gentle chuckle, "were tried to be pranked back."

His heart quivering with emotion, Reiji let out a quiet exhale and pulled Natsuki closer to him and into his arms, snuggling more as he closed his eyes with a serene smile tugging at his lips. He remembered how unsure he had been that he would pull any pranks on this year's April Fool's Day back when he had still been trapped in the harrowing pain of Aine's disappearance and last words. During those earliest days of recovery, he had been unsure that he would have the jovial, bright spirit that he normally would have pulling pranks and making sure that all of them were up for a wild, colourful ride, and he had nearly considered not celebrating. But the four of them - Natsuki, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus - had been right by his side every step of the way, loving him, caring about him, including when they brought him back up to the Ferris Wheel of ever-changing lights. 

They had healed him, all while bringing vivid colours appearing in the dark abyss of his mind and heart like stars tinging an empty night, and right there, he knew that there was absolutely no way that he could go through the first of April without taking them on a colourful ride filled with shouts, screams and laughter. And now here he was, with Natsuki's warm kindness and sense of togetherness unchanged even in the wildness of the occasion, the gentle blond's sincere words reaching into his heart like a warm melody as they held each other. It reminded him all over again of how much Reiji was loved, of how cared for and cherished he felt because of them. But he could not cry now. Not yet, at least. Pulling away gently, Reiji smiled sincerely at his dearest friend and squeezed his hand tightly, his mind already decided. 

April Fool's Day was not over yet.

"Nattsun, they wanted you to bring me outside, right?"

"Yeap," Natsuki confirmed, nodding slightly.

Reiji smiled. "Bring me outside with you, Nattsun."

Natsuki's eyes widened in pure surprise. "Rei-Rei... you're letting me?"

"I can't just let myself dodge the bullet after my sweetest Nattsun asked to be pranked for my sake too!" Reiji exclaimed, the bright smile on his own face spreading even more as he reached out and squeezed Natsuki on the shoulders tightly. His face softened. "Besides, you couldn't be more right, Nattsun! More pranks together means more fun together, whether we're the pranksters or the victims. And with all of that in mind, with a bright heart, I'll let myself take this prank right in the face, just like you did!"

He beamed brightly.

"So let's go out and see what trap Ran-Ran, Ai-Ai and Myu-chan have all laid out, shall we?"

Natsuki's eyes glistened with a warm smile and he placed his hands over Reiji's and squeezed tightly, his head nodding firmly. And so giving each other genuine smiles, they got up together and headed straight towards the door, with Natsuki pulling Reiji by the hand. Once they left the bedroom, a shout rang inside their ears.

"Now!"

Someone suddenly grabbed and pulled Natsuki to the right side and before Reiji could react, ice-water was splashed all over the left side of his body, causing him to jump and yell out in pure shock. "C-Cold! Why does it h-have to be so- Wahh!" Just as he caught a glimpse of Ranmaru's wide grin, bursts of cold paint were jetted straight at him from different directions, and he yelped and laughed as he tried to shield his face and the colours dyed and ran down his body like they would on a canvas. Glancing around, he grinned amidst laughter and shivers as he saw Ranmaru and Natsuki aiming at him with one large paint gun each and Ai and Camus wielding two smaller paint guns each, shots of scarlet, orange, yellow, viridian, ice-blue and lavender all aimed directly at his body, the four of them all laughing and chuckling as the colours emerged from the tips of their paint guns.

"Camus! Remember that time he dyed your hair neon green?"

"Indeed, Kurosaki. Vividly, might I add. Kotobuki, here is my sincere retribution for that insolence."

"Your ideas are all so artistic, guys! This prank is so bright and colourful too!"

"As optimistic as you are being, Natsuki, I cannot disagree. Reiji does look rather colourful."

"Happy April Fool's Day, (Reiji / Kotobuki / Rei-Rei)!" Ai, Ranmaru, Camus and Natsuki all spoke together with their respective ways of calling his name, firing more splashes of paint from their respective paint guns, and Reiji laughed as he ducked and raised his arm to block his cheek. Once they stopped firing paint at him, Reiji found himself unable to stop laughing as the colours dripped from his body down onto the floor, thinking of how crazy his appearance must be and yet knowing that it did not matter nearly as much as how much they were all laughing and smiling right now. 

Ranmaru was guffawing loudly, clutching his stomach as he propped one elbow against Ai's shoulder, and the teal-haired boy smiled in amusement. Camus crossed his arms with a satisfied smirk and chuckled earnestly as Natsuki beamed brightly and pulled Reiji into a tight hug despite his own clothes being clean and dry. Reiji wrapped his arms around Natsuki in return, smiling sincerely as his heart radiated pure warmth and joy.

_Deep down, I knew it. I knew that I would have regretted it so much if I did not celebrate April Fool's Day this year. And this... this proves it even more. You guys prove it more than anything._

Everyone agreed to relax for the rest of the day together in the living room, drinking hot chocolate while playing games and chatting with one another. Reiji jokingly protested that the three of them did not invite him when they tickled Natsuki, and a smirking Camus offered an encore, causing Ranmaru to smirk and Ai to smile as Natsuki's eyes widened in shock. Wrapping his arms around Natsuki from behind, Reiji grinned and began tickling his best friend's stomach, causing him to laugh, and in turn, everyone laughed all over again.

_Happy April Fool's Day to you guys too, my dearest friends and family._

Ranmaru Kurosaki

April Fool's Day was supposed to be over when the clock struck midnight. That was what Ranmaru had initially thought when he woke up on the next day and got ready for idol work. No more pranks, no more tricks, no more of that April 1 craziness until next year. As much as everyone had had fun at the end, Ranmaru did not want to have another heart attack or a whole round of shouts and screams too soon - not even close. And he had really thought that it was over; he even got Reiji's word that there were no more pranks coming from the brunet for now. 

But it was not long until he was proven wrong.

So, so freaking wrong.

"Maru-chan."

"Yeah?" Ranmaru turned to face Natsuki, who had just finished pouring rose milk tea into teacups for everyone, with the five of them relaxing in the living room after April 2's day of idol work. Natsuki looked into his eyes, his own green eyes sparkling as Ranmaru waited for the younger blond to speak. A bright smile spread across his face and hugging his fawn plushie against his chest, he spoke:

"Maru-chan is very sexy!"

Immediately, Ranmaru choked on his own spit and began coughing violently, clutching his chest as his heart ran wild. He could hear Reiji cry out in utter shock as he coughed hard, bent over as he tried to calm down, unable to believe that anyone could say those words so innocently. _What... in the freaking name... of rock._ Once he had barely regained his composure, he grabbed his glass of water and chugged it down, his mind spinning with disbelieving thoughts. _Something ain't right. Something definitely ain't freaking right. This is_ Natsuki _and he sounds way_ too _freaking innocent and nice sayin' that._ He glanced around and found Camus and Ai looking half-amused and half-mortified while Reiji's eyes were widened in sheer shock and horror. Letting out a long exhale, Ranmaru faced Natsuki, who was staring at all of them in pure surprise and confusion, the fawn plushie pressed close to his chest, and started.

"Natsuki." He tried his best to sound calm. "Do you know what that freaking word means?"

Natsuki nodded with a light smile and Ranmaru had a deep feeling that whatever his definition was, it was _nowhere_ near the right one. "What do you think it means?"

"'Sexy' is a more intense way of saying 'handsome', right?" Natsuki answered, and Camus nearly choked as Ranmaru spat out his water, Ai's eyes widened, and Reiji burst out laughing. He blinked in pure confusion. "Wait... am I wrong?"

"Cease your insolent laughter, Kotobuki," Camus ordered as Reiji shook his head and squeezed Natsuki into a tight hug. He shifted his eyes over to Natsuki and his face softened. "Shinomiya, that is a word that someone with your level of innocence should never utilise. Not yet, at least. Where did you get such an inaccurate definition of that word from?"

Natsuki tilted his head slightly. "Ren-kun was the one who told me that." Ranmaru cursed under his breath as Camus and Ai facepalmed. _Of course it was that sly piece of-_ "I overheard a staff member using the word and asked Ren-kun what it meant. He told me that and said to call Maru-chan that, adding that Maru-chan secretly likes being told that."

"What?" Ranmaru yelled as Reiji laughed.

"Maru-chan is super handsome and it made me happy thinking that I was able to say that word for the first time to Maru-chan and make him happy," Natsuki admitted, smiling softly. He lowered his eyes to his fawn plushie. "But... but I was wrong after all... Maybe Ren-kun read the wrong meaning in the dictionary?"

Ranmaru could not even _begin_ to describe all the emotions swirling around him like a raging storm. First of all, he could feel his own cheeks reddening at how earnestly Natsuki had just called him "super handsome", silently praying that no one, especially Reiji and Camus, noticed how embarrassed he felt. Next, he wanted to freaking _murder_ Ren for this. He knew that his assigned kouhai was crazy, but he did not think that Ren would go this far as to trick Natsuki, the most innocent and trusting person they both knew, into believing in the wrong definition of that freaking word of all words in the world's vocabulary _and_ using it on Ranmaru. Oh, "anger" did not freaking cut it - not even freaking close. And last but not least, seeing Natsuki saddened after thinking that he could make Ranmaru happier made the rocker's heart soften and even feel hurt. And yes, it made Ranmaru want to grab Ren by the collar even freaking more, especially seeing how much faith Natsuki had in Ren with how he still thought that that sly Casanova was simply mistaken as well when he _definitely was not_. 

Reaching across the glass table, Ranmaru reassuringly ruffled Natsuki's blond hair as Reiji and Ai hugged their innocent friend, and that was when Camus spoke.

"That peasant Jinguji has clearly crossed a fine red line."

Ranmaru turned, only to find Camus smirking darkly.

"I believe that this calls for some heavy retribution." His tone was as sinister as the glint in his ice-blue eyes. "Wouldn't all of you agree? Especially since he most certainly did _not_ read the incorrect definition from a dictionary, if he even owns one."

"Oh, I'm in."

Ranmaru smirked back, clenching one fist.

"He's freaking dead, alright. He tricked Natsuki, and that ain't gonna get a free pass. Not ever. Not even in a freaking million years."

"Satsuki did give us ample permission to issue out a deserved penalty if Ren or anyone else ever threatened to corrupt Natsuki's innocence."

Ai smiled as his teal eyes turned serious.

"I believe that this perfectly fits the criteria. Even if it did not, I am absolutely certain that every single person in this room would like their share in retribution for Ren's mistake. Natsuki's our closest friend, and misleading him in any method is simply inexcusable."

"We love Ren-Ren, but I agree."

Tightening his arm around Natsuki, Reiji smirked, his eyes filled with intention as his tone deepened.

"I wish him the very best of luck, 'cause if he messes with our precious Nattsun, he messes with all of us. And we're all meeting him and the rest of STARISH for a new photo shoot tomorrow, so he won't be able to escape. Not with all of us right there."

He turned to Natsuki and his eyes softened with a true smile.

"Looks like we're all up for another group activity. Dedicated to you, our beloved Nattsun!"

Natsuki rubbed the back of his neck with a shy smile and asked if he was invited too, causing all of them to laugh as Reiji squeezed him tightly. "Of course, Natsuki!" Ranmaru exclaimed with a guffaw, messing with his blond hair. "This ain't a group activity if you ain't in it, kiddo!" So on the following morning, before the photo shoot was scheduled to start, Ren was led by a staff member who owed Reiji a favour into a private waiting room, and there he found himself facing all five members of QUARTET NIGHT. With a sinister smile, Camus locked the door behind him and Ren rubbed the back of his head awkwardly as he laughed. Punching a fist against his palm, Ranmaru smirked, knowing fully well that Ren was doomed, for the five of them had already discussed their plan last night and had him exactly where they wanted him.

_'April Fool's'? More like 'April's Fiasco'._

Ren gulped nervously as Ranmaru's smirk darkened.

_But this is art. And when we're done, it's gonna be a freaking masterpiece. For freaking sure, it will be._

_"There is still something the world has yet to see_

_I'll give these tender feelings to you"_

\- "Never...", by Reiji Kotobuki (Showtaro Morikubo)


	58. White Haze

Camus

Permafrost. 

A country of eternal winter, eternal snow, eternal ice.

That would forever be unable to be let known to, let alone touch, the red and orange sparks and leaves of autumn; the blazes and shines of the summer sun and the kaleidoscopic but unforgettable fireworks of its cool, clear nights; the innocuous petals and gentle breeze of spring. That would never cease to grasp onto its frozen heart, even if its own hands, its own fingers, its own soul, turned numb. That may never form a smile on the calm waters that had yet to be frozen over, that were mere puddles in contrast to the unending abundance of snow, or allow a laugh to ripple across its grey skies.

_That may never make willing contact with warmth..._

Camus let out a breath against the steaming surface of his tea, causing a gust of white vapour to sweep in the soundless air, only to disappear into its own silence.

_Let alone allow it to thaw its frozen soul._

It was a rather cold night on April. Sitting with his legs folded at his study desk, Camus firmly held music sheets in his left hand and his teacup in his right as he listened to the howling of the wind that effortlessly slipped through the crevice that his glass window offered. Even though he, as well as the rest of his group, had had a fatiguing day of idol work, including several live performances, he was not satisfied enough to allow himself to have a night's sleep. Not yet, at least. Examining the song that he had been piecing together, he frowned deeply at the thoughts and images appearing amidst his mind, formerly unaware that tonight would be one of deep musings. 

_A "frozen soul"... correct?_

Sighing heavily, he took a careful sip of his tea and felt his tense muscles begin to loosen slightly more, aching from the earlier activities. Natsuki was the one who brewed the tea for him; chamomile tea, to be more precise. Even though Camus had stated that he could brew it himself, Natsuki had shaken his head with a tender smile and assured him that he did not mind at all. Camus had added both honey and sugar into the tea, and he quietly relished in the sweet combination as the time soundlessly faded into the spring night. Even so, although he wished it were not the case, he could palpably feel the mild throbbing of his own head, inconsistent but inevitably present, and he narrowed his eyes, desiring for absolutely nothing to hinder him from delivering his utmost best. 

_Did these contemplations need to come now of all times?_

Setting down his music sheets, he noted that he did require more sleep after all, wishing to not aggravate his undesired state of health.

_Did I have to recall a place... that is as numbing as it is solitary?_

The elegant descriptions of his home country did not even begin to paint a genuine image of what life was in its very own Silk Palace. A place devoid of friendship, let alone love. A place of hardship from youth, where things such as "childhood" did not exist, let alone was spared a shred of compassion towards. A seemingly-pristine place that was stained and tainted by deceit, scars and apathy. And if Camus was to be brutally honest, he was no exception in regards to owning all of those mentioned things, even if he did not utter the truth aloud. There, no one would offer to fix tea for him. No one would offer genuine friendship or companionship. No one would look out for him. No one saw him as a child even when he first started serving the Silk Queen at 8 years of age, and he did not expect them to. It was how he was brought up after all; devoid of what was called "warmth." Getting up from his chair, he strode towards the window as he did his best to ignore the aching of his head that did not seem to be alleviated by even the slightest iota.

_A cold heart pulsating in an otherwise-hollow chamber..._

He reached out and pulled the handle of the window towards the sill, turning it, effectively locking it for the night.

_Did it have to be pained now... of all moments?_

The howling wind could no longer be heard, the silence thickening like the fog of a winter that had passed and yet was vividly etched into memory. He would have scoffed at the untimely sentimentality, if not for the pain that accompanied his thoughts. He should not be wasting his time on what he did not wish to recall, especially with his health not at its best, especially when it was anything but called for by a heart that closed off most.

_Pathetic._

Reiji Kotobuki

_"So close to spring and yet has fallen motionless onto the puddles of melted snow._

_Wings gleaming yet fading, just like an extinguishing flame._

_The butterfly that has soared, only for its wings to cascade down and away like ephemeral colours, a kaleidoscope that may have never meant to be, like that painting of dyes that would be forever blemished by a single tear, like the feather that could be forced around by the wind like a puppet with strings..._

_Is that me? That butterfly..."_

Without even needing to look down at the draft in his right hand, Reiji recited the words in his heart as he closed his eyes, the imagery behind those lines as painfully broken as it echoed soundlessly yet audibly.

_"That butterfly that was so painfully close to touching the warmth of spring, only to fall onto what was left of the numb coldness of winter."_

It was an early evening of spring. After their last round of filming new parts of the romance drama, the five of them had been on the way to the car, only for the rain to start showering upon them, prompting them to run in the hopes of not being drenched. Now, with all of them having taken showers, Reiji, Ranmaru, Camus, Ai and Natsuki were sitting in the living room and reviewing the drafts for the new story arc of their main QUARTET NIGHT project together over mugs of hot Earl Grey milk tea. 

Sitting between Natsuki and Ai on the midnight-blue sofa, Reiji could feel hazy thoughts seeping through his head like fog as the billowing vapour of the milk tea caressed the back of his hand. He knew as much as the rest of them did that this story arc was going to be one of the darkest arcs yet, which was exactly what they had planned and aimed for, but even though they were admittedly the scriptwriters here, reading the draft of the new prologue sent cold shards of broken emotions piercing through his heart. Though their characters, the five of them were going to tell a story of grief, loss and painful youth that revolved around the metaphor which was the lone butterfly that had been so close to spring only to fall onto the puddles of a winter that had started to disappear. Slowly, Reiji opened and lowered his eyes, a throbbing ache resonating his heart like the echos of the prologue's anguish, as haunting as it was filled with sadness. 

_We'll each have solo parts under the dark sky in the pouring rain, darker than the one we are under right now. Suffering as we struggle to cope with our grief._

Even though they had not seen it in real life yet, Reiji could already imagine what the place was going to look like. Tall, narrow lampposts glowing white. A dark, hollow sky from which a downpour of raindrops was cascading upon them like falling tears. Those tear-like raindrops rippling against the puddles that their own kind had created, forming waves that would disappear just as soon as they were created. The kind of scenery in which a butterfly could collapse from the sheer coldness of pain, its wings numbed by the freezing rain, quivering and faltering in the flashing white.

_With some parts representing the darkness of youth and even... a childhood where light didn't really exist..._

"Looks like from the get-go, everyone's got their share of dark thoughts 'bout this story arc."

As gruff and informal Ranmaru sounded, Reiji could tell that the rocker was being serious. His eyes widening slightly, Reiji raised his gaze from the draft and found Ranmaru facing him with equally-serious heterochromatic eyes.

"You looked real unsettled for a bit there, Reiji. It's fine if ya wanna clear your head, ya know. You know as much as the rest of us that we all needed that when the five of us first came up with all of this together."

"I'm fine, Ran-Ran," Reiji assured Ranmaru as Natsuki gently wrapped an arm around him and Ai and Camus looked at him. Ranmaru narrowed his eyes and Reiji let out a chuckle and gesticulated. "Really! I know that I don't exactly have the best track record when it comes to reassuring you guys back when we weren't nearly this close, but I mean it! Though that doesn't mean that you aren't right either."

His lips curved into a sadder smile as his eyes met the line, _"... just like an extinguishing flame."_

"Even if everyone who's been following the story line don't know it, so much of what we're portraying isn't actually fiction. And because of that, it won't and can't be a surprise if it hurts deeply at times... right?"

"That's true, Rei-Rei."

His voice soft, Natsuki nodded slightly, his green eyes gentle.

"After all, our memories and feelings are a part of it, even if that fact itself is left unsaid to everyone outside of our group."

Ai nodded as Camus and Ranmaru grunted in agreement. Smiling softly, Reiji wrapped his arms around both Natsuki and Ai, quietly relishing in the warmth and closeness that they all shared as the two younger males scooted closer to him. When the five of them had been in the process of planning and drafting their ideas, there had been times when the five of them had ended up mentioning memories of their different pasts. Reiji remembered how his own eyes had betrayed a few teardrops when he silently confided in the four of them about his own father's abandonment back when he was still a child, not expecting his present self to cry because of someone who, even though was related to him by blood, had become a cold, distant figure. He remembered how the vapour rising from the surfaces of their lattes had gradually disappeared as tears were shed, true stories and hugs were shared, spoken and unspoken words echoed amidst sincere understanding and empathy, with tissues being passed around and ink dyeing their drafts. 

Now, with the drafts undergoing the last rounds of checking, Reiji would be lying if the envisioning of the scenes that they were to film did not bring icy chills shuddering down his spine along with shards of glass piercing through him, with himself barely standing against the lamppost with his body slumped and his head hung, Ranmaru and Ai screaming up at the sky with their eyes squeezed shut, Camus soundlessly watching as the open umbrella that had been wrenched from his grasp by the wind toppled away and rippled against the puddles of rain, Natsuki clutching his chest just before his body failed him and collapsed as tears and rain ran down his face. And as he fell deeper into Natsuki and Ai's warmth, with the former draping an arm around him, Reiji could see the torrents of heavy rain ceaselessly falling down the dark sky outside the glass windows, transparent drops against a metallic grey that would soon disappear into midnight blue.

"Memories... right?"

Ai uttered softly as he placed a hand on Reiji's back.

"Since we are on the topic of personal matters, there is something that I have been quite curious about."

He turned to Camus, his teal eyes inquiring.

"Specifically about you, Camus."

"Hmm?" Camus furrowed his eyebrows as he added a teaspoon of sugar into his mug of milk tea, with Ranmaru crossing his arms with a questioning look. "What appears to be the matter, Mikaze?"

"You do not have to elaborate on this if it is disturbing to you, but this thought had crossed my mind a number of times recently, and I would be lying if I said that I was unconcerned."

Ai placed his draft on his lap as Camus' frown deepened.

"Based on what I know, you never mentioned your biological family to us," Ai continued, and Reiji's eyes widened slightly, "let alone talk about them. You tell us about your home country as well as the queen that you serve numerous times, but I cannot recall a single time you mentioned a biological family member."

"Yeah..." Ranmaru turned to Camus, his heterochromatic eyes narrowed a little, "Ai's right on this one. You also never fail to dodge directly answering questions regardin' your family during interviews and such, Camus. This ain't somethin' that we're gonna push you for answers for, but I'm sure that everyone in this group wouldn't mind knowin' more regarding that. As much as you're an ice prick, you really are quite the secretive guy."

"From everything that we have shared amidst conversations and experiences, we all understand that talking about our biological family backgrounds can be real hurtful and personal, so we completely get it if you don't wanna talk about it."

Reiji smiled reassuringly as Camus remained silent.

"But if you do wanna talk about it, just so you know, the four of us are all ears for ya, our dear Myu-chan!"

"Yeap," Natsuki agreed, giving Camus a warm smile. "We're with you after all, Myu-chan."

"Yep!"

Camus scrutinized them and their expressions with narrowed ice-blue eyes, the look on his face unreadable even as he frowned deeply. As his eyes remained on his platinum-blond friend, Reiji could not help but mull over what Ai had brought up. It was not at all new to any of them that Camus was an extremely private and secretive person, much more so than them. And Camus was very intelligent when it came to remaining silent in regards to questions that he did not want to answer aloud. However, it was honestly worrying that Camus never mentioned his own biological family even once to any of them. They all knew that more than half of the group had severe issues in the topic of biological families, but Camus never spoke of a mother or a father or a sibling, not even a memory of them or a word that they could have ever said. 

_Even if you do not say anything, I think that it's either something terrible happened or your family isn't close to you or both. Even if Ran-Ran, Nattsun and Ai-Ai do not express their opinions, I am sure that the four of us could tell that much._

Ranmaru shifted slightly as Camus remained in the same position on the armchair, the latter's legs folded elegantly, his unreadable eyes neither cold nor welcoming.

_And you're bearing it on your own, aren't you?_

"My biological family is not a matter that you need to concern yourself with."

Camus' voice was stern but devoid of coldness or harshness when he spoke after a few passing moments, quiet but firm as he met their eyes.

"It is not a matter that will hinder any of us, after all. Myself included." He sounded almost distant when he said those words, but he did not stop speaking as his eyes remained unfalteringly serious. "Therefore, there was absolutely no reason for me to discuss the details with anyone, especially not the incessant peasants who thrive on gossip and rumours. Although, I cannot rebuke any of you for your worry and concern, as well as for not coercing the matter further."

Camus folded his arms with a heavy sigh escaping his lips.

"Rather than further pursue this matter, I highly suggest that we return to reviewing the drafts before finalizing the new segment of our main project." He flipped over to the next page and took a sip from his mug of milk tea, his eyes narrowing marginally. "The four of you do not have any objections, do you?"

"Of course not, Myu-chan."

Reiji smiled lightly, but deep down, his heart clenched slightly. Natsuki and Ai both shook their heads, the former smiling faintly, and Ranmaru grunted without any form of protest, but Reiji could tell without them needing to say anything that they were worried as well. That a part of them wished that Camus told them more. Outside, the rain continued to shower down the sky that had had its sunset stolen away from it by the dark, and somewhere beyond the glass window there were cold lampposts glowing a silent white. Inside his head, Reiji could see an endless darkness with a tall, narrow lamppost radiating a pure white light at the centre of that black. Countless droplets of rain were descending down the darkness and flashing with the lone light like slivers of glass, cold and glistening. 

_In that scene, a butterfly will be soaring in the darkness and rain, wings fluttering and shaking in the darkness, yearning for warmth amidst the cruel cold. What colour... are its wings?_

As he took a quiet sip from his mug, Reiji could see Camus' eyes narrowed as they focused on the draft in his hands, as unreadable as they were contemplative. He felt a hand gently squeeze his shoulder and turned to Natsuki, who smiled gently, as though trying to reassure him. Chuckling quietly, Reiji smiled lightly and squeezed his hand back, even though they both knew as much as Ranmaru and Ai that their collective worries had not been alleviated even a little.

_Are its wings... the colour of your eyes, Myu-chan? That ice-blue that has been perceived as cold too many times even when uncalled for._

Ai Mikaze

Childhood.

Depending on the definition used, not everyone had the privilege of having a childhood, let alone a blissful childhood. If the term was defined by age, then every person who was at the age of twelve or above had completed their childhood days, now considered either adolescents or adults. However, if the other definition were to be used, there was quite a substantial decrease in the number of people who had a childhood. During those years in which one was still considered a "child", were they able to find themselves shrouded in the warm daylight of bliss and innocence? Were they able to remain clueless towards the dark extent of how cruel and ruthless society was? Were they able to play games such as hide-and-seek with their friends, chase birds and squirrels in a colourful garden, laugh and smile without the fear of those smiles and laughs being torn away from them?

Were those days bright enough to be worth remembering? Worth holding onto regardless what happened in the distant future? As painful as it was to think about it, let alone say it aloud...

Not everyone could truthfully answer "yes" to those questions. Not only that, but not everyone...

... had a father and mother to create days that were more than bright enough to be called "dear".

"Eli, Ranmaru-san, Reiji-san, it's our turn to try the haunted house!"

"I-It is?"

"Let's go, guys!" 

An elated Yuuto grabbed a horrified Ranmaru by the arm and sprinted into the haunted house as Reiji and Eli gave Ai, Natsuki and Camus a nervous smile before hesitantly following behind them. All seven of them had been invited to the bazaar at Eli and Yuuto's former school. With the two boys currently enrolled in Saotome Gakuen as scholarship students, with Shining surprising Yuuto by telling him that he would join Eli just a few weeks before the new semester began, Yuuto and Eli had not gone to their former school for months, and neither had any of the five QUARTET NIGHT members. However, all of them had been pleasantly surprised by how much the school had changed ever since the last day of the anti-bullying week.

As the four-man group who had gotten tickets to the haunted house disappeared into the aforementioned attraction, having previously agreed to text them their whereabouts later, Ai, Camus and Natsuki began walking around the hallways again, looking for anything interesting that they could try. There were countless preschoolers and teenagers congregating in the school grounds, whether in the building or the fields. The pristine walls were adorned with multi-coloured flyers, banners and other decorations, including origami and paper hearts, stars and other shapes. As they walked, a beaming Natsuki wrapped his arms around both Ai and Camus, and the former felt a slight smile curve on his lips as he relaxed into the sunshine blond's half-hug. 

_There have undoubtedly been significant improvements. Unlike the cold, unmoved atmosphere that we were met with the first time we set foot into this school, the people and their atmosphere are sincerely lively and warm, almost as though these were a completely different school and community altogether._

Ai could only mentally sigh at the thought of how Reiji and Ranmaru were coping with their experience in the haunted house. Eli had been encouraged by Yuuto to try and decided to do so, but when Natsuki tried to help the two eldest of the group out by telling Yuuto that they were afraid, Reiji and Ranmaru had quickly stopped the innocent boy, clearly not wanting to admit their fear to the teenagers, and agreed to try the attraction as well, to which Camus had smirked slightly.

_Although, well... a blatant constant in the atmosphere is your stubbornness._

"I was certain that you would have wanted to try the haunted house at least once, Natsuki."

Ai remarked as Natsuki faced him with the tilt of his own head.

"Is something the matter? Or are you simply in the mood for something else?"

"I love haunted houses, especially with how cute the creatures in them are," Natsuki answered, smiling softly, "but I didn't really feel like going to one this time." He laughed a little. "I guess I just am not in the mood for something exciting at the moment."

"That is perfectly reasonable," Ai commented, smiling faintly. A boy nearly bumped against his side as the child ran after his laughing friends. "If relaxing is what you currently want to do, then how about we search for desserts and drinks to indulge ourselves in while sitting at a serene area?"

Natsuki nodded with a light smile. "Yeap, that sounds really nice, Ai-chan. What do you think, Myu-chan?" His eyes widened slightly when Camus did not respond, resulting in Natsuki's expression turning concerned. "Myu-chan, are you okay?"

His eyes widening slightly, Camus turned to Natsuki when his name was called the second time, although his look of mild surprise was replaced by his normal expression within mere seconds. "Yes, I am fine, Shinomiya. My apologies, but could you and Mikaze repeat what you just said?"

"I was suggesting that the three of us could look for drinks and desserts and sit at a calm area," Ai answered, giving Camus a slight nod. "Natsuki mentioned that he was currently not in the mood for anything stimulating, so I thought that it would be a good idea as we waited for Reiji, Ranmaru, Yuuto and Eli."

"I see." Camus gave him a brief nod, crossing his arms over his chest. "That is not a bad idea. The thought of a slower pace, especially one much slower than the nightmare that Kotobuki and Kurosaki are currently handling, had crossed my mind as well."

"But Myu-chan... you've been really quiet today."

Natsuki's voice was quiet as his green eyes glimmered with pure worry.

"And it's not like you to be distracted either. Did something happen? Are you feeling unwell in any way?"

Camus shook his head, narrowing his eyes marginally. "There is nothing to be worried about-"

"I disagree," Ai interjected softly but firmly as they entered another corridor, meeting Camus' eyes. "Natsuki is right. Between the five of us, you are the least prone to losing yourself to distractions, especially in the public eye. You are normally much more alert and cautious, and as your best friends, we are concerned."

The three of them stopped walking when they reached a quieter area in the school building, with Ai and Natsuki turning to face the older blond completely.

"If there is anything that we can do to alleviate your struggles, we will do it. You know that as much as we do."

Natsuki nodded in agreement, his kind eyes gentle but resolute, and Camus silently studied both him and Ai before relinquishing a deep sigh. "There is truly nothing to fret over, Mikaze, Shinomiya." His voice was quieter than usual, stern but not rebuking. "I will concede to the fact that I need a change in pace, but that is all. A hot beverage should be beneficial to my current condition."

"Are you sure that there is nothing else that you need?" Ai asked, tilting his head slightly, still unconvinced that the explanation was this simple. "We can call Reiji and Ranmaru for us to return home sooner if you want."

"There is no necessity for that," Camus responded, shaking his head as he folded his arms. "Truly."

"But you'll tell us if you need anything else, right?"

Natsuki spoke gently as he placed a hand onto Camus' shoulder, his expression filled with worry.

"Please... Myu-chan."

Ai nodded as well, silently asking the exact same request to Camus, and a mist of silence shrouded the three of them in the corridor. Camus stared at Natsuki and Ai with an indecipherable expression, his ice-blue eyes boring directly into them, and the latter would be dishonest if he said that he could tell what was on the Permafrost aristocrat's mind. QUARTET NIGHT was filled with unique, unpredictable people and Camus was definitely not at all an exception. After what felt like minutes even though it had merely been seconds, Camus sighed again and nodded briefly, his eyes softening ever so slightly.

"Very well."

Ai smiled slightly, giving Camus a nod, and Natsuki's lips curved into a warm smile as he grabbed the older blond by the hand.

"Then let's go buy you a nice, hot drink, Myu-chan! I'll treat you and Ai-chan today!"

"Shinomiya," Camus stared at Natsuki with eyes slightly widened, "you do not have to-"

"But I want to. I love you and Ai-chan so, so much after all!"

"Every member of this quintet is stubborn to a certain extent, and this is a perfect example," Ai remarked with a soft chuckle as he folded his arms. "However, I do not see a reason to refuse; it is not a bad thing to be the recipients of Natsuki's kindness." He gave Camus a mischievous smile. "You do not either, right?"

Camus sighed quietly. "Mikaze... did you truly have to phrase it in this manner?" However, the slight smile quirking the corners of his lips gave him away. "However, I cannot refute your statements. Neither will I turn down your offer, Shinomiya. After all..."

His eyes turned a little mischievous as he smiled at Natsuki, his voice dropping an octave lower.

"We love you too, Shinomiya Natsuki."

Natsuki's eyes widened, clearly not expecting Camus to verbally say the words back as his cheeks swelled with blood, and seeing this, both Camus and Ai chuckled. However, within moments, Natsuki gave both of them an earnest smile, his eyes glistening with his inimitable, innocent radiance that was akin to that of a child, and squeezed Camus' hand tightly as he led the two senpais back to the livelier part of the school building. As Ai found his lips easing into a gentle smile, it was at this very moment when he found himself contemplating deeply yet again.

_The qualities of a child... are yet another thing that not everyone has as a part of their own selves._

Among everyone in their quintet, it was evident to everyone that Natsuki was the only person who had both a loving mother and a loving father. Reiji's father had abandoned him when he was still a child; Ranmaru never had a close relationship with his parents as well as his sister; and Ai never had a biological family in the first place, for reasons that were clear to everyone in the group. Camus may have never verbally spoken of the details about his own biological family, but considering his rigidity towards the topic, Ai was certain that the intelligent aristocrat was not close to his own parents either. Natsuki, on the other hand, was an exception, and not only that, but he was also the one who exhibited the most childlike traits in his personality. From hugging his plushies and bringing them with him to his pure earnestness and inability to be deceitful or tell lies to anyone and the way his kind eyes glowed and sparkled, Natsuki was often perceived as someone with the soul of a naive, innocent child and the well-built body of a young, fully-grown adult. Whereas Camus, more than any of them...

... might actually be his extreme opposite in this particular aspect, even though Natsuki's polar opposite was generally considered to be Ranmaru.

Natsuki's fingers remained intertwined with Camus' as the three of them searched for drink stalls, specifically those that sold milk tea and lattes, with that gesture - holding others by the hand - being another part of him that could easily be attributed to a child's. Camus was not exactly the most trusting person. With masterful control over his dual personas, he was a level-headed, intelligent person who was easily perceived as cold and unapproachable in first impressions, who could shift from being a polite gentleman to exhibiting his colder, darker nature without a moment of hesitation. However, even though he had left it unsaid during the previous expressions of opinions in regards to Camus' biological family, Ai wondered if those traits of his stemmed from a painful background, from a cold childhood. 

_As much as you said for us to not be concerned, how can we not be? Especially with all the cold possibilities regarding what has been left unsaid..._

A young girl accidentally bumped against Camus, distracted by a picture frame in her hands. Squeaking out an apology, she looked up, only to pale slightly when she found herself staring up at Camus who wordlessly met her eyes. Stuttering another "I'm sorry", she did not wait for Camus to respond and briskly walked past him, almost breaking into a run. Camus' expression remained calm but was unreadable as he observed the girl over his shoulder, and Natsuki smiled sorrowfully as a mild pain twinged Ai's heart. That was when Ai noticed a stall selling colourful lattes and pointed it out to Natsuki and Camus, hoping to help all of them forget what had happened. Smiling brightly, Natsuki nodded and pulled Camus while wrapping an arm around Ai, approaching the stall.

_Which includes a childhood that may have been devoid of brightness, that may have forced upon you pain and sadness that you carry on your own, even if you chose to leave all of it unsaid on your own accord, Camus._

After Natsuki had paid for their three drinks, he, Ai and Camus took a seat at an unoccupied picnic table near the stall. When they were all comfortable, Natsuki pulled both Camus and Ai into another one of his warm, affectionate hugs, which neither of them, even the former, protested against. Ai smiled slightly when he saw Camus relax into the hug, the latter's ice-blue eyes softening marginally, glad that as much as he was not telling them everything, he did not reject being held and cared for.

Even as his own heart wrenched at the thoughts that he could not ignore.

Natsuki Shinomiya

Matcha was the kind of tea that had such soothing colours when brewed.

As Reiji took a seat on the edge of the bed beside him, Natsuki quietly observed the colours of the tea in his cream, bunny-designed mug. The tea's colours, just like its fragrance and flavour, were intense. It was a deep, dark green, the colour of the leaves of the forest that they loved, of the depths of a spring in full bloom at night, with a number of shades amidst that green. It was a sincerely strong and vivid colour, but at the same time, even if it sounded strange, the colour of matcha was earnestly calming too. Maybe it was how much it was intertwined with nature, as well as memories that were dear to him. Maybe it was how its strength was also its charm. Silently observing as veils of white vapour spiralled up from the mug as he stirred its contents, Natsuki felt the tension that his body ease a little as he took in the strong scent and his heart relaxed slightly.

_Green is a colour that makes you feel safe. It's sincerely a strong and protective colour, and it's one of the main reasons why it fits as Rei-Rei's theme colour so much._

Smiling reassuringly at Natsuki, Reiji draped an arm over his shoulders, his hold as tight as it brought an earnest feeling of being protected. Natsuki's lips eased into a grateful smile as he tried to relax, tried not to think about the cold dream that had suffocated his mind and heart earlier.

_By being with you, I am warmly reminded of how much we are guided by the strength to protect one another no matter what and that none of it will ever change, regardless of anything._

"Camus' condition has evidently affected all of us."

Ai began, his voice quiet as he scooted closer to Natsuki and Reiji.

"While I have always found his work ethic and professionalism remarkable, it is painfully clear that he is not at his optimum state. Not only at work, but also outside of it."

Slumping back against the wall, Ranmaru cursed softly as Reiji silently nodded and Natsuki lowered his eyes. Natsuki's nightmare had been about Camus, created from his fear and worried for the platinum-blond baron. Reiji was the one who had shaken him awake, pleading him to wake up, and the brunet had hugged him tightly, whispering words of reassurance as tears trickled down Natsuki's cheeks. It was then when Reiji admitted that he had been struggling to sleep and that it was because he was worried about Camus as well. And when the two of them were heading to the kitchen to fix tea to calm down, two more doors opened, revealing that neither Ranmaru nor Ai had fallen asleep either. With the four of them sharing the same worry, after their matcha had been brewed, they had gathered inside Reiji and Natsuki's shared bedroom to discuss Camus. Sitting between Reiji and Ai, Natsuki let out a quiet exhale as veils of vapour continued to slip into the air like silent ghosts, slowly appearing only to disappear before they could touch the ceiling even a little.

"Yeah, Myu-chan really hasn't been completely himself lately," Reiji agreed, nodding briefly as pain tinged his grey eyes. "I know that he refused to lessen the work on his schedule, but we can all see the strains that it's forced onto him." His fingers curled a little more around the surface of his green mug. "He stumbled more than usual during dance practice, for one."

"He lost track of the conversations more than once when we were all chatting," Ranmaru continued, frowning deeply. "And he's one of the sharpest when it comes to focus in our group."

"And Myu-chan looked so tired after our last live performance today," Natsuki spoke, lowering his head as the hurtful memory seeped into his head. "So tired that it hurt so much. But he still said that he was fine and refused for his schedule to be rearranged, let alone for us to cancel anything because we were worried. But I haven't stopped worrying ever since then, and I know that you guys haven't either."

Reiji's arm tightened slightly around Natsuki's back as the latter's voice softened with sadness.

"He did say that sweet drinks and dessert could help him relax, but even if he doesn't tell us everything, I know that none of it is nearly enough to heal wounded hearts, including his own. I just hope that sleep can help him at least a little, even if it isn't enough to heal him." His heart twisted in his chest. "Just like you guys... I just want him to be okay..."

The Prussian blue curtains concealing the glass window nearest to the bed billowed faintly in the cold night atmosphere, and the normally-innocuous sight brought the cold nightmare twisting through him like a shard of glass. Although countless nightmares that he had suffered from involved himself moving and progressing in the dream itself, this time, the broken dream had begun with him merely being able to watch as Camus stood alone by the window in a soundless bedroom. Even though the dream had been partly obscured by white mist and vapour, Natsuki could remember most of what he had seen before his eyes. With his back facing Natsuki, Camus was turned towards the tall glass window, the grand red curtains flowing heavily like his smooth white jacket. And as alone as he was...

... he was suffering as well.

His neck and hands, which were unconcealed by his clothes, were pallid with deep lacerations etched against his skin, a cruel red against a colour that was too close to being a numb white. As the cold moonlight silently cloaked his figure, his body quivered and faltered like broken lampposts, and even though he did not know what had happened to Camus, Natsuki could feel a shattered loneliness and sorrow crack through his heart like stained glass. Trying to call out to Camus and enter the scene, Natsuki dilated his eyes when he found that he could neither move or hear his own voice, regardless how much he wished to console his close friend. As he cried out without a voice that could ripple into the cruel scene, images suddenly flashed through his head amidst the heavy mist, and a lump rose in his throat. 

A seagull plushie tossed away into a dark corner. The silhouette of a child sitting alone by a frozen lake. A broken sword. A snowfall that was beautiful and yet numbed hands.

Barely aware of the warm tears rolling down his own cheeks, Natsuki could only helplessly cry out even more to Camus, who was unable to hear or see him, until he was pulled and saved from the excruciating nightmare by Reiji. And the last image that Natsuki saw just before the dream was abruptly ended... was Camus looking over his shoulder with a heart-wrenching sadness glimmering in his ice-blue eyes as he smiled.

_Faraway... in that dream, you were so faraway... and unreachable..._

Sitting in the shared bedroom with everyone except Camus, Natsuki did not realize that he was crying again until he felt a thumb gently brush a tear away from his left cheek. Blinking once, he turned to Ai, whose lips were curved into a sad smile as his eyes met Natsuki's. "You are trembling, Natsuki." Shaking his head as though to tell Natsuki he understood, Reiji whispered his name and held him close as Ranmaru folded his arms with a look of genuine concern.

_Even now, as the images pour into my mind, I feel like I couldn't protect you, when I just wanted to hold you and tell you that you don't have to feel lonely, that you have us..._

Placing his hand over Reiji's, Natsuki smiled weakly, silently reassuring them that he would be okay, and squeezed tightly. Yet in his chest, his beating heart was surrounded by a maelstrom of tears at the painful thoughts of their close friend.

_How much pain and sadness... are you suffering alone right now... Myu-chan...?_

"As arrogant and prideful as that prick is, he does a freaking good job carryin' out what he has to do, I'll give him that."

Ranmaru averted his eyes away as he spoke, his voice quieter than usual.

"He's the definition of a true professional and like Ai said, he's real consistent in doing what he does, and that ain't an easy feat. We all know that. But we can't help him if he keeps us in the dark about what's really going on in his head and heart like this. Whatever it is has been clearly taking a toll on him and those sweets and desserts that he consumes on a daily basis can only do so much 'til they no longer any use to his condition at all." He gritted his teeth tightly. "You can't solve complicated matters that way and even if he doesn't say it, he freaking knows that as much as the whole lot of us do!"

"Ran-Ran..."

"Look, I won't be a hypocrite here," Ranmaru continued, clenching his fists. "I get that it must be somethin' real personal and that he doesn't want any of it affecting our work. And you guys all know as much as I do that I held back my personal feelings and spoke nothing about it even when it was _killing_ me on the inside. Even when it became real obvious that I was struggling and grappling it on my own. Even when you tried to reach out to me. But... you guys know how that ended up, right?" Natsuki winced slightly as Reiji nodded stiffly and Ai lowered his eyes, remembering how Ranmaru had broken down in the living room of their former residence. "Exactly. From the looks on your faces, I can tell how painful of a memory that is. And it still is for me, I ain't gonna lie. And I'm gonna be real honest; the fact that Camus is heading down that same road is making the pain even freaking _worse_. The last thing I wanna see is him breaking down from everything that he's holding back when he's always been so strong and yet as much as I'd hate for it to happen... Camus, you royal prick..."

Slamming a fist against the wall, Ranmaru clenched his teeth even tighter, his heterochromatic eyes blazing with sheer frustration and pain.

"You've been on this side of the fence before, right? Back when I was the one in your place? So don't you know how helpless we all feel? How useless we all freaking feel being kept in the dark like this? Even if you don't want to admit it to even yourself, you ain't okay! You..."

He shook his head, his voice lowering as his shoulders trembled under the fluorescent lights.

"You know that as much as we do... Camus."

"Maru-chan..."

Whispering the older male's name painfully, Natsuki gently placed his mug on the bedside table and stood up to approach Ranmaru. Softly and carefully, Natsuki wrapped a hand around Ranmaru's shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze, hoping that it could soothe the rocker's heart at least a little, the memories of that afternoon the latter broke down and into pieces in his and Reiji's arms flickering through his head like crying flames. All of them knew that even though Ranmaru and Camus argued often, the two of them loved and cared for one another deeply, that they were best friends who would always look out for one another. Even if it meant suffering for each other, just like now. Letting out a shaky exhale, Ranmaru gave Natsuki a brief, stiff nod, his heterochromatic eyes still staring down at the floor, and Reiji's grey eyes were tight with pain as Ai's were filled with deep sadness. It was only after a few painful moments when Ai looked at all of them and spoke, a new expression reflected in his eyes.

"I will adjust everyone's schedules, including Camus'."

Reiji's eyes widened as he, Natsuki and Ranmaru stared at Ai in pure surprise. "Ai-Ai..."

"I am completely aware that Camus stated that there was no necessity to make any adjustments and that he will disapprove and even be angry if we made any to his schedule," Ai explained, his teal eyes serious. "However, all of us are in agreement that there is a necessity even if he does not desire to concede it. I refuse to leave this matter to escalate until the point in time when he collapses under the weight of all that he has been enduring. Even if he is angered by this decision, which he will be, it is more than fine with me as long as it helps him recover. I plan on adjusting not only his schedule, but yours and mine as well, for it would be best if all of us could remain by his side and look after him. Do you agree, Ranmaru, Natsuki, Reiji?"

"Was in from the get-go, Ai," Ranmaru answered, narrowing his heterochromatic eyes in determination. "He can get mad at us all he wants if it means he'll get better soon. I know that there are a number of things for tomorrow that we are too late to cancel, but practice is definitely something we can hold off. And once we're through all that we need to do, we're gonna freaking make sure he lets himself rest properly no matter how stubborn he is."

"The four of us will all do what we can to help him get by tomorrow without pushing himself too hard," Natsuki said, smiling gently as he nodded in agreement. "I'll brew more milk tea for him to bring and add more sugar."

"And I'll change up the breakfast menu and make it more hearty with the stamina he needs," Reiji added, smiling softly as he draped an arm over Ai's shoulders. "This sounds like a real solid plan. We're pulling out all the stops for the sake of our precious Myu-chan, that's for sure! He needs it more than anything, even if he gets mad at all of us for this, even if he does not understand yet. But..."

He paused, his smile fading into one that was dyed in sadness.

"Most of what we won't be able to cancel tomorrow are live shows. And most of the songs that Myu-chan is performing, whether it's his solo songs or our group songs, need quite a heavy amount of strength and power, right?" His grey eyes reflected the worry overshadowing his voice. "'The dice are cast', 'Saintly Territory', 'Junketsunaru Ai -Aspiration' amongst all of them... I know that we're doing our best and that it includes cutting down the workload, but even with that... I just really hope that the live shows don't put too much strain on him."

Reiji's lips twisted into a weak smile that cracked Natsuki's heart. Just like the sound of his tortured mutter did.

"Honestly, I wasn't expecting to be this terrified for him and yet... here we are."

A deep silence fell upon the bedroom. As Natsuki kept his hand on Ranmaru's shoulder, Ai placed a hand on Reiji's back, everyone's faced devoid of even a hint of a bright smile. Beyond the cold, glass window, the crescent moon was glowing with its pure, gentle light, and it brought a thought from a seemingly-distant past emerging inside his head like a lone lamplight in the middle of pitch darkness.

_When the stars aren't shining in the infinite night sky, the moon, regardless if a full moon or a crescent moon, is all alone, glowing to give light to all who can see it, to guide lost hearts home in the darkness. You remind me of that moon... Myu-chan... that glowing yet lonely moon... All of us know that you were the one who decided to bear your pain alone, to keep moving forward believing that it was okay, and said that all of it was fine, but..._

On the bedside table, the bunny-patterned mug of matcha no longer had any veils of vapour flowing up from its surface, and with a sad smile, Natsuki realized that he could hardly notice its aroma that had been so strong, for it had faded away into the cold night. More than anything, he just wished...

_Even if you do not realize it... you're feeling lonely too, aren't you... Myu-chan?_

... that Camus did not let his strength disappear even further until... it was no longer there.

Camus

Camus had been absolutely certain that all of it was endurable. He had sincerely believed that this physical pain was nothing to be concerned about, neither by him nor the other members of the quintet. That him not currently being at his best form did not mean that he could carry out his duties as an idol like he normally did. That Ai, Natsuki, Reiji and Ranmaru were completely in the wrong for adjusting his schedule, as well as their own, without his consent, which had sparked tension during breakfast, although Camus begrudgingly conceded at the end.

He had been thoroughly convinced that he could handle all of the live shows as smoothly as he did on a regular basis even with the pain within himself. However, towards the end of his last live performance of the day, which was a solo performance of "Saintly Territory", as much as he did not wish to admit it, he could acutely sense the pain straining and spreading across his body like wounds being ripped open consecutively with each syllable sung, with each stage light that glowed to life, with each movement his muscles made. He barely refrained from flinching the moment he bowed gracefully down to the wide audience and their voluminous applause. As he strode as calmly as he could towards the left wing of the stage where the rest of the quintet were waiting, he could not remember being this grateful for the velvet curtains that were being drawn, uncertain as to how much longer he could contain himself.

_I must not... display vulnerability..._

As more and more familiar visions came to view, the specks of light appeared even more blinding as the commotion amplified the throbbing of his head, his body on the verge of giving in to itself. The classic white shirt that he was wearing almost felt like it was choking and suffocating him as his eyes started to blur over, and it was a state of himself that he deeply resented the idea of being in, of admitting to being in.

_I have coped... with worse... so now... now I must..._

A pang of agony drilled through his body and his eyes slowly dilated as he found himself sinking forward before he could register it, suddenly conscious of how heavily he was breathing.

_Must... endure... all..._

"Myu-chan!"

A pair of strong, steady arms that he recognized as Natsuki's caught him just as his knees thudded against the cold floor. Staring blankly down at the ground, Camus could barely make out words as voices rang inside his ears like sirens, hardly able to do so much as turn his head as he coughed violently, his thoughts spiralling beyond his control amidst the anguish twisting through his head. "Can you hear us, Camus? Oi, _Camus_!" He had almost never heard Ranmaru that terrified and attempted to speak, only for his chest to tighten and cause him to cough again, flinching sharply. "Camus!"

"Call for a medic now. Please!"

"Lara-san, call for an intermission now!"

"But Reiji-san-"

"I know it's my turn to perform, but I can't leave Myu-chan like this! I won't, so _please_!"

Amid the heavy haze that was overtaking his mind, he could feel droplets dribble down onto the top of his head and as agonized as he was, a part of him told him that those were tears. Just as he felt his heart clench in the silence of his mind blurring over and darkening in the white haze that had caught up with him through weakness, words echoed dully inside his head like the muffled screech of glass being dragged against glass, and his chest was constricted even more.

_"So that brat is in service of Her Majesty? Whose kid was he again?"_

_"Bet his own mother never even cradled him in his arms."_

It was common for him to hear such statements. Cruel. Ruthless. Unfeeling. Heartless. Unloved. He had heard all of it and more spoken of him both directly at his face and behind his back, inside and outside of the Silk Palace, both in Permafrost and in Japan. He had just begun serving the Silk Queen as a child when he overheard two officials gossiping maliciously, his naturally silent footsteps granting him the ability to be unnoticed in such times. He had not confronted or responded to them, viewing both courses of action as a mere waste of precious, finite time. However, deep inside of his heart, a heart that may as well have been frozen like the country's eternal winter, he knew the truth in regards to the second statement, even if his earliest years were nothing but blurs and hazes to him; a void lacking warmth, lacking affection.

 _She never held me, let alone cradled me_ , was what his younger self had quietly thought as he silently walked behind grand white pillars, knowing it by heart and soul. _But that is not a surprise. After all..._

Like winter, the white haze completely overpowered his consciousness and as his close friends' voices were shut off, so was every speck of light, leaving him plunging into black.

_... she never wanted me to begin with._

_"In order for people to understand each other,_

_Words alone are worthless"_

\- "Saintly Territory", by Camus (Maeno Tomoaki)


	59. Lullaby's Void

Camus

_You are not a gentle snowfall._

_You are not the snowflakes that glisten as they float down like petals under the warm daylight and sunshine. Neither are you they that descend like stars in a night sky where they paint the picaresque scene of the silent darkness. That snowfall forms smiles and grants wishes. It is kind, gentle, patient and slow, as well as earnest, even without ever needing to say even the softest syllable. That gentleness, that kindness... Neither of it are you._

_Devoid of kindness, incapable of kindness. Incapable of love and being loved... that is what you are, after all, Camus, you unwanted, unfeeling child._

_Or perhaps... were you ever a child in the first place?_

Staring at a pitless, black void, Camus could see the words appearing and disappearing inside his own head like soundless echos, like the flashes of butterfly wings that were destined to be buried in the darkness of fallen snow. He could hear neither a crack of a voice nor a trace of a heartbeat. He could see neither the white of a monochromatic world or the colours that ceased to live in a world of deceit. Unable to move or speak, he could not drown away the words in his head as they throbbed in the place of a heart that he was unable to feel or hear.

_You see yourself as a blizzard, the strong avalanche of snow and ice. Forcing your way beyond a childhood that could hardly be called one, with a heart used to a world of deceit and lies. However, even if you want to believe that you are one with your lack of ability to show empathy, the truth is that you are not a blizzard either, aren't you?_

A tall, narrow streetlamp appeared in front of him amidst the empty void, glowing white against the black backdrop.

_You are trapped in the meaningless in-between._

Under the finite white light was trodden snow. Lying on the remnants of footprints was a small butterfly, its broken wings twitching and wavering as its colour flickered against the light.

_Neither gentle nor strong... neither able to feel nor grant others the ability to feel..._

Its struggles gradually began to cease, its wings falling onto the snow that had started to melt away into spring. The spring that it had been rendered incapable of feeling.

_That is exactly what you are._

Those fractured, glass-like wings were a cold ice-blue, the colour of his eyes, his colour.

_Your frozen heart._

The cold ice-blue of those motionless wings were the last colour that Camus saw before the blizzard that he had been claimed to not be overtook his vision and plunged him into the dark. It was cold, with not even the slightest hint of warmth to be felt. Was this... what the haze and blurs that defined his childhood amounted to? Devoid of the cradling of a mother's arms, devoid of him being loved by either parent rather than merely being seen as a heir or legitimate son, devoid of any colour besides monochromatic, unfeeling colours. All that ended with a frozen heart lingering in the chamber of his chest, a heart unknown to spring, unknown to kindness, compassion and empathy.

Somehow all of it brought pain to what had been said to be frozen. Somehow the mere thought made him feel nearly powerless.

Weak. Vulnerable. Alone.

At that moment, a dull ache fell upon his head and something within him told him that the surroundings had changed. Carefully, he opened his eyes and found himself staring up at a warmly-lit ceiling, consciousness seeping through him like those warm lights. Something cool had been propped against his forehead: an ice pack. His lower body was covered by what he recognized as his blue quilt and his head was lying against a pillow. Flinching slightly when he attempted to sit up and his body thumped with agony, he felt something tucked beside him and found himself mildly surprised to see the puppy plushie that Natsuki had given him there, its round blue eyes staring at Camus.

 _Tucking this stuffed animal in is most likely Shinomiya's doing_ , Camus contemplated, his features softening slightly. _Wait. If he tucked it in, then-_

"Thank God you're finally awake, Camus."

Camus cautiously raised his head and found Ranmaru leaning against the wall with arms folded against his chest. "Kurosaki." His voice came out quieter and weaker than he had expected, and it made his heart clench as the older male narrowed his heterochromatic eyes. His ears detected footsteps and he shifted again and saw Natsuki, Reiji and Ai approaching him. "Shinomiya. Kotobuki. Mikaze." 

Nodding briefly, Ai reached a hand forward and placed it against Camus' forehead, his eyes narrowed marginally in concentration as Natsuki and Reiji smiled slightly. Grimness fell upon his face after a few seconds ticked by, and he glanced around at the others and spoke. "His temperature is still high. 39.2 degrees Celsius."

Camus was momentarily puzzled by Ai's accuracy in regards to measuring his temperature, but he soon remembered. Even though Ai was now a human being, his skill set, including measurements, remained unchanged, especially with how accustomed he was to doing all of it independently. However, that train of thought was stopped when he saw the expressions on all four of his closest friends' faces. As grim as their eyes were, they were also filled with worry and concern. Camus attempted to sit up on his own, only for both Ranmaru and Natsuki to take ahold of him and help him up, with Ai and Reiji's eyes never leaving him.

"Don't force yourself, Myu-chan," Reiji advised softly, his eyes filled with worry as he smiled weakly. "You just woke up from your collapse. Settle down and take it easy, alright? You have all four of your bros right here."

"I... collapsed..." Camus muttered, repeating what Reiji had just said, as he attempted to recall what had occurred back then. "It was after I performed 'Saintly Territory', am I correct?"

"Yeap," Natsuki replied, his voice soft as he nodded slightly. "You had just reached backstage when you fell forward." Anguish flashed across his face. "Your heart was beating too fast and your breathing was too quick. You lost consciousness just after the staff members called for a medic. It..." His voice wavered ever so slightly as his hand tightened on Camus' shoulder, and the platinum blond did not miss the way Natsuki's green eyes tightened with hurt. "It was terrifying, Myu-chan."

Camus vaguely remembered what had happened backstage, but he did recall droplets of what he had registered as tears falling on top of his head before his mind turned black. _You were the one who caught me when I fell and... you were also the one who cried, weren't you... Shinomiya...?_ With a throbbing head, he could not even begin to imagine the ordeal that had ensued for Natsuki, Ranmaru and everyone else after he had collapsed. Letting out an exhale, Camus nodded in genuine understanding and spoke again. "What happened after my collapse?"

"The live was put to an end because all of us didn't wanna leave you," Reiji explained, forcing a smile that betrayed his concern. "The staff members told the crowds that an emergency came up, and once the medic checked up on you and decided you would be okay, we brought you home. You were out for four hours, Myu-chan. And Nattsun's right. You had us really worried and scared." 

His voice turned quieter as sadness glistened in his grey eyes.

"We're just really glad to see you awake now. Really."

 _"I know it's my turn to perform, but I can't leave Myu-chan like this! I won't, so_ please _!"_

Fragment after fragment, pieces of the memories incandesced inside his head like crystalline snow under lampposts amidst darkness, emerging from the white haze that had buried them away. He still doubted that he knew every minuscule detail to recall, but he knew for a fact that his condition had severely worried and agonized all of them - Reiji, Ai, Natsuki and Ranmaru - even if some did not verbally mention it. He knew that his physical and mental strain had accumulated to the point of over-exhaustion and therefore, collapse when it was unwarranted for both his health and his professionalism. 

He knew that he had been seen at his weakest, at the state in which he was not even conscious to keep himself together.

And he had not intended for it to happen. Not in the slightest.

"I see."

Meeting his friends' eyes, he nodded in acknowledgement and spoke again, his voice, while stronger than before, still quieter and hoarse. And it was then when he truly noticed how raw his throat felt.

"I had thought that while I was not at my best, I would still be able to carry forward with the normal amount of workload for the day. However, it appears that it had placed too much strain and fatigue upon my heart and body. I will concede to the fact that it was an error on my end, as well as that you were correct to postpone practice despite my protests." Ranmaru's eyes were serious as Camus let out an exhale. "I truly had not meant to let the situation be out of hand."

"We know, Camus," Ai told Camus, his teal eyes gentle with understanding as Ranmaru grunted and Reiji and Natsuki's faces softened. "And we understand. Please take all the time you need to rest; at your current state, it is an utmost necessity in order to regain your optimum health. You have a severe case of influenza, which explains your sore throat, high fever and headache, and so the four of us have cancelled everything on your schedule for the next seven days. We will make further adjustments if necessary, including if you have not recovered by the end of those seven days."

"The four of us made changes to our own schedules too," Ranmaru proceeded, his voice as serious as it was resolute, his tone warning Camus that there was no room for negotiation. "We ain't leavin' you alone here, so we made changes in order for at least one of us to remain here and look after you while the others do what they have to do as idols of QUARTET NIGHT. Tomorrow, Ai will be here in the morning while Reiji's gonna be here at noon onward. All of us are gonna be back by the evening too; no night shifts will be taken, that's for sure."

"And for the time being, Nattsun will spend the nights with you in this bedroom, Myu-chan," Reiji added, placing a hand on Natsuki's shoulder. A puzzled Camus opened his mouth to speak, but the brown-haired leader of the group spoke again. "The four of us discussed about it and agreed that one of us needs to be here and make sure you're okay in case anything happens to you when we're all asleep." Reiji smiled faintly. "Nattsun volunteered as soon as it was suggested and we all know how kind and helpful our dear Nattsun is, so he'll be the one staying over; if you don't mind, of course."

"Will you let me, Myu-chan?" Natsuki asked, giving Camus a soft smile that reached his eyes. "All of us really want to make sure you're okay, and I want to do all I can to help. So please?"

Even though Natsuki's smile was sincere, Camus could hear the underlying sadness in the younger boy's voice amidst the silent hope that he would let not only him but all of them do all that they could. He remembered Natsuki's words from the school bazaar when it had just been the two of them and Ai: _But you'll tell us if you need anything else, right? Please... Myu-chan?_ And there had been pure sadness in his gentle voice then as well, even if unspoken, and although Camus had been honest when he agreed then, he would be lying if he said that that sadness did not echo inside his heart. He did not wish to sadden Natsuki as well as Ai, Reiji and Ranmaru. 

Truly... he did not.

Quietly, he decided to contemplate this unusual request before saying another word. As much as he normally resided in his private chambers alone, he did comprehend his close friends' reasoning in regards to why one of them needed to be here. Given his condition, he would hardly be able to move his body or call out to any of them especially during the late hours of the day. And he did not see any issue having Natsuki here; he did not mind it being the gentle blond at all. Noting that everyone was waiting to hear his reply, Camus looked directly at Natsuki and spoke as firmly as his voice could manage.

"I do not mind having you here, Shinomiya," Camus stated, nodding briefly. His heart softened in its own accord when Natsuki's eyes glistened at his words and he noticed that Reiji, Ai and Ranmaru were visibly relieved. "If anything, I appreciate the consideration from all of you. I will do what I can in order to return to perfect health."

"That's good to know," Ranmaru remarked as Ai smiled and Reiji patted Camus on the arm, nodding in response. "Glad you're listenin' to us this time around. We wouldn't want your condition taking a turn for the worse; it's the last thing we wanna see."

Camus smiled briefly. "Noted well."

Ranmaru grinned and proceeded to glance around at everyone. "Oh yeah. So since Natsuki's moving in here, he's taking the sofa, right?"

Camus raised an eyebrow at Ranmaru's statement. "The sofa?"

"The sofa's way more comfy than a sleeping bag, that's for sure," Reiji said, smiling lightly as he glanced at the broad blue sofa at the right side of the bedroom. "Nattsun and I will move a yellow quilt, his pillow and fawn plushie here later on."

"Yeap," Natsuki confirmed, smiling gently.

Camus folded his arms, internally making his mind up. "Actually, there is no need for you to bring a quilt, Shinomiya."

Natsuki tilted his head in confusion. "What do you mean, Myu-chan?"

"Because I would much rather you reside next to me on the bed than sleep on the sofa."

"Hold up!" Ranmaru exclaimed, his jaw dropped as Ai and Reiji stared at Camus in pure shock. Natsuki's eyes were widened. "Did we just hear you right, ice prick? _You_ , of all people, are not just letting but _offering_ for Natsuki to sleep in the same bed with ya?"

"I am not repeating myself," Camus asserted, narrowing his eyes, "but yes." He covered his mouth and coughed, but continued once he was done. "I do not mind. If Shinomiya is alright with it, he is more than welcome. That is the least I-" he coughed a few times, gritting his teeth "-can do."

Camus coughed harshly and Natsuki immediately patted his back as Ai poured hot water into an ice-blue mug and Reiji and Ranmaru gave him concerned looks. Nodding his thanks to Ai, Camus carefully sipped the clear beverage, silently appreciating how it soothed his aching throat. He truly was fortunate that he had managed to sing through the live without losing his voice in the process. Once he had recovered enough to speak, he set the mug down onto the bedside table and spoke again.

"There is more than ample space on the bed, so I do not see any reason to not allow Shinomiya to reside there during his stay here. Neither am I going to object to anything that you have implemented in place. I would be correct if I said that you were still going to adjust the schedules even if I had even one complaint, right?" All of them nodded immediately, and he nodded back. "Precisely the point. Not that I have any this time."

"It ain't like you to be that compliant considerin' how stubborn you normally are," Ranmaru pointed out, causing Camus to scowl lightly as the rocker smirked a little, "but that ain't a prob with me, that's for sure. Though I'm still surprised that you actually offered for Natsuki to sleep next to you when a sofa's available."

Camus scoffed. "Had the subject been you or Kotobuki, things would have been entirely different."

Ranmaru let out a guffaw. "Figures. Why ain't I surprised?"

"Myu-chan, you meanie!" Reiji whined as Ai chuckled, with Natsuki rubbing the brunet on the back with a faint smile. "I get why you wouldn't allow Ran-Ran, but you ban me when you're fine with Nattsun and Ai-Ai? I ain't gonna bother you in your sleep, ya know!"

"I beg to differ," Camus spoke teasingly.

"Myu-chan!"

"Ya heard him, Natsuki," Ranmaru spoke up after relinquishing more guffaws. "You're one of the only two people he's gonna offer this to. So are you gonna take him up on the offer?"

Natsuki smiled softly. "Yeap, of course I will." Facing Camus, his eyes glimmered more under the warm lighting. "I'd love to sleep next to you, Myu-chan, and I'm glad you're letting me do that and all of us take care of you. If anything happens, no matter what, wake me up and I'll do my best to help you."

Camus smiled slightly. "I will. You have my word for it."

Smiling warmly, Natsuki leaned forward and wrapped Camus into a hug - a hug that was clearly much gentler and softer than the hugs that he gave on a daily basis. He was being more cautious than usual, aware that Camus' body was physically throbbing. That kind tenderness did not conceal the brotherly affection that Natsuki held for Camus and the latter could not help but feel his heart squeeze tightly in his chest amidst both pain and warmth. _Brotherly..._ It was not a word that Camus had ever been able to use in terms of his blood-related family, whether half- Pushing the thought to the back of his head, Camus placed one hand on the back of Natsuki's back and appreciated the gentle embrace, trying to ignore the throbbing of his own heart as he closed his eyes and kept a firm hold. 

"What time is it?" he half-muttered after he opened his eyes again.

"It's 8:54 p.m.," Ai answered, glancing at the clock hanging on the wall. "You need ample rest, so after you have your dinner and drink your medicine as well as brush your teeth, you need to head directly to sleep. Natsuki and I have bathed you earlier, so you do not have to worry about being clean."

Camus nodded as he released Natsuki, glancing down at the nightwear that he was wearing. "I see. Thank you, Mikaze, Shinomiya."

"In that case, do you wanna have your dinner now, Myu-chan?" Reiji asked.

"I am alright with it."

"Okay!" Reiji cheered, pumping a fist into the air. "Ran-Ran and I will go heat it up then, while Nattsun can go move his stuff to sleep with ya!" He grabbed Ranmaru by the arm and smiled widely even as the rocker yelped. "Let's go, Ran-Ran!"

"Oi, let go!" Ranmaru exclaimed in protest as Reiji pulled him along and Natsuki waved at Camus and Ai with a gentle smile. "I can walk myself, so let go of my arm, Reiji!"

"Nattsun, whaddya say to carrying Ran-Ran to the kitchen together?"

"Let's do it, Rei-Rei!"

"No!"

"Camus."

"What is it, Mikaze?" Camus inquired, turning to face Ai, the only person who remained in the bedroom with him. Ai gazed directly into Camus' eyes, his teal eyes glimmering with emotion, and spoke with a quiet voice.

"I'm glad that you are allowing us to take care of you, but we know that a part of your strain is emotional strain."

Ai smiled slightly, sadness tinging his teal eyes.

"I hope that you know that you can come to any of us if you ever want to talk about it, even if only a few words. Moreover, if it affects your sleep, you can always wake Natsuki up and converse with him about it. He would not mind at all."

"Speaking of Shinomiya..."

Camus frowned deeply, his heart throbbing in his chest.

"I remember tears falling over my head when I was near collapse. Those tears... they were Shinomiya's, were they not?"

Ai nodded, silent pain sweeping through his face. "They were." He paused for a moment and let out a soft exhale. "It was difficult to remain calm during that ordeal. Natsuki and Ranmaru were the ones who took the longest to settle down. Ranmaru slammed a fist against the wall so hard that it would not have been surprising if a crack was formed. While the wall did not crack, the impact bruised his knuckles instead. As chaotic as it was, it was excruciating, Camus, for all four of us."

He placed a hand on Camus' shoulder and smiled sorrowfully.

"Please do not hesitate to speak about what is on your mind to any of us, okay? No matter what time of the day it is."

It was strange, to be completely honest. Even after he nodded at Ai and gave him his word for it, with the youngest member of the group smiling softly in return, even after Natsuki brewed peppermint tea for Camus and came back with Reiji and Ranmaru, who brought dinner, Camus could not help the strangeness that constricted his chest like binds as he remained in the receiving end of his four closest friends' kindness and care. Normally he would be the one taking care of himself without the help of others, even them. He knew that of course, they would be more than glad to look after him without him even needing to ask - precisely like now - but he often concealed the fact that he had even the slightest iota of physical pain, believing that it was not a matter that they needed to be concerned about. He was accustomed to looking after himself and tending to his own wounds. After all, even as a child, he had to do so, without a single say in the matter.

_To have the four of you doing everything for my sake when I am used to doing it myself, from fixing tea and preparing dinner and medicine to checking my temperature, ensuring that I gradually recovered and even going to the extent of one of you staying here by my side throughout the nights. It feels somewhat bizarre... and I am admittedly struggling to process the emotions that come with it. This is the most physically vulnerable that you have ever seen me and yet... none of you are judging me for it. Rather, you are concerned about me and my well-being._

_Those very facts... they are making my heart writhe in pain._

_The thawing of a frozen heart..._

When he was adjusting the position of his puppy plushie and making space for Natsuki, Camus could not have been more grateful for the fact that it covered his right hand from everyone's view as the all-too familiar scene of the butterfly lying on the cold, trampled snow flickered inside his head like a broken streetlamp.

_Is this... the pain of doing so?_

His hand was trembling.

Ranmaru Kurosaki

"Slower, Kurosaki."

"Like this?"

"You are still too brisk."

"Now?"

"Perfect." Camus nodded briefly as Ranmaru took a step forward with his arms bent as instructed. "Keep your speed as it is. Now, repeat the movements that I had just demonstrated and you will practise them until you have mastered them."

"Heard ya."

It was more than a month ago, not long after Ranmaru had finished his newest solo song and "Be Proud." All five of them had agreed to create music videos for their respective new solo songs, with those videos to be intertwined with the story line of their QUARTET NIGHT project, and with Ai, Natsuki and Reiji done with theirs, Ranmaru was the fourth person to do so. When brainstorming what kind of music video would be fitting for the ballad, the thought of incorporating a dance into the music video had crossed his mind. "Be Proud" was a ballad filled with pure sentimentality and unlike most of his other songs, was slow-paced and calming. An elegant setting was easily fit for this song, one that displayed brightness that was not blinding and emotions that included sadness and loneliness. When the five of them discussed about this, Camus, considering how much the two of them argued, had surprisingly agreed with Ranmaru, and he gave the rocker a suggestion that he had thought of. And it was something that Ranmaru, with his rocker image, never imagined that he would actually dedicate himself to ever learning, let alone doing:

The waltz.

A ballroom dance that was as elegant as it was romantic.

As half-horrified Ranmaru had initially been, with him choking on his coffee, he had to admit that it was not a bad idea. Visualizing the scene in his head, it was actually quite the image; one that he would actually love to have in the music video, for it was able to express the emotions of the ballad - his emotions, his thoughts, his memories - and symbolize what he wished to express which included the elements of the story line. And so he agreed to include himself dancing the waltz in the music video of "Be Proud", and teaching him was none other than Camus himself, who was as much as he was an expert in graceful dances as he was an extremely strict perfectionist. Before today's practice, Camus had _forced_ Ranmaru to do the waltz with Natsuki as his partner in order to experience what it was like to do a waltz with a partner, and while Natsuki had clearly enjoyed it with a gentle smile, with Reiji, Ai and Camus either laughing or smirking at certain moments, Ranmaru had felt extremely awkward but had no choice but to resist cringing or Camus would just make him repeat the exercise.

 _This prick and Ai are clearly the two strictest people in QUARTET NIGHT, as well as the Shining Stars, in terms of being teachers and mentors_ , Ranmaru thought to himself as he practised as per Camus' solid instructions, not failing to notice how the platinum blond's clear blue eyes scrutinized his every move like a hawk. _Camus really didn't pull any punches whenever he spotted even the slightest mistake. Not sayin' it was the most pleasant thing to hear comin' out of his mouth, but it shows that he cares 'bout the done deal and I'd have hated it if he held back. And speaking 'bout caring about the done deal, knowing him..._

Moving fluidly amidst the near silence, Ranmaru could hear his own footsteps echo soulfully amidst the venue that Camus had brought him to and its splendour.

_... I seriously shouldn't have been surprised about this place._

For this practice, Camus had not only brought the outfit that Ranmaru was going to wear in the music video, but also taken him by cab to the venue in which the music video was to be filmed. And Camus had reserved the entire venue for the entire afternoon just for Ranmaru, which had initially made the latter's jaw slacken because this freaking place was _grand_. For goodness' freaking sake, Camus had reserved a _grand ballroom_. Ranmaru knew that it was the venue for the music video, but _still_. Although, even as icy and rigid as that count may be, Camus was definitely dedicated in what he put his mind into and that included helping Ranmaru.

In the music video for "Be Proud", Ranmaru was to dance the waltz in the spacious ballroom, except that while a waltz required two people, he did not have a partner. He was dancing on his own in the resplendent, empty ballroom, with the lambent overhead chandelier watching over him from the centre of the ceiling with its warm golden glow, the afternoon light spilling against the intricately-designed floor surface through the narrow windows. Donning his tuxedo and polished leather shoes, Ranmaru followed the steps that Camus had engraved into his memory, with the tips and advice from Reiji, Natsuki and Ai rooted deeply within the moves, as he stepped and spun across the ballroom floor as though he were dancing with an invisible partner. When he was first taught how to dance the waltz, he had been extremely stiff and awkward, but right now, he let himself be immersed in the melody playing in his own head as he danced amidst the serenity of the ballroom.

_"To the miracle star where we met,"_

As dedicated as Camus was, deep down, even if he left it unsaid, that count sincerely did have a caring heart. He would not have brought Ranmaru here if he had not cared. He would not have even taught Ranmaru in the first place if he could care less how things turned out.

_"Let's go... Together"_

And Ranmaru would not know a single thing about waltzing, let alone be able to smoothly glide across the ballroom floor like this, without Camus and his strict and meticulous teaching, even as exhausting and frustrating as the lessons had been at certain times.

_"Let's go... Until the day it dies"_

After he did the last turn and held out his hand as though to reach for an invisible illusion of the person dearest to him, Ranmaru breathed out an exhale and turned to Camus, awaiting the icy blond's criticism. Standing near one of the windows, Camus was facing him with his arms crossed, the afternoon light falling against his features. As much as they knew each other extremely well, Ranmaru could not tell what was going on behind Camus' narrowed ice-blue eyes, the aristocrat's expression as serious as it was unreadable. _Was my dancing_ that _terrible? I was real sure I did better this time..._ After what felt like ages, Camus calmly strode towards Ranmaru, their eyes locked, and began to speak.

"Not bad, Kurosaki."

Camus remarked, stopping when he was directly in front of Ranmaru.

"You have yet to master the moves that I have taught you, but you have significant improved, especially in your pacing and strides," he proceeded, his eyes remaining serious. "Given your dedication and rate of improvement, you should be prepared to film the music video by one week at most."

He held out a water bottle, and a slight smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

"Although, I would have accepted nothing less."

Ranmaru smirked at the last statement. "Not surprised considerin' your standards and all." Taking the water bottle from Camus, he felt himself grin slightly. "You sure don't pull any punches and honestly, that's the best way to go when it comes to you. Wouldn't have wanted it any other way, wouldn't have taken it any other way."

"Of course." Camus smirked in return.

Uncapping the bottle, Ranmaru chugged down the water, relishing in its coldness as he felt beads of sweat roll down his back. Thank God that it was not that hot in here; the tuxedo was not exactly the loosest kind of clothing to wear, especially with a buttoned-up vest. Turning to the window, he could see the bright blue sky in its glory and with the ballroom located on the highest floor of the building, it was of no wonder it looked much more brilliant than usual. It reminded Ranmaru of freedom, of how the view from this height made the sky seem so endless with possibilities as radiant as it was, bringing recollections of how "Be Proud" came to life in the first place. Inside of him, he could feel himself smile.

"Kurosaki."

"Yeah?" Ranmaru asked, pulling himself out of his thoughts. Camus was facing one of the towering pillars of the ballroom, his expression still unfathomable. 

"Do you know why I brought you here?"

"To help me get a better feel of what I was doing," Ranmaru answered, frowning slightly. "Or at least, that's what I thought. I mean, this is exactly where the real thing's gonna be filmed, right?"

"Well, you are not wrong," Camus remarked, turning to Ranmaru, their eyes meeting. "However, that is still a vague representation of the reason why." He folded his arms. "I would like to ask you this. How did you feel when you did the waltz with Shinomiya back in the living room of our residence?"

Ranmaru nearly choked in utter disbelief. " _That's_ your question?" Camus appeared unfazed and Ranmaru rubbed the back of his head with a heavy sigh, unable to believe that he was even answering this. "Thought it was obvious already, but of course it was freaking awkward! He was real content and happy 'bout it, but that was one of the most awkward things I've ever had to do in my life! And you, Ai and Reiji watchin' everything didn't help at all!" He began to scowl. "Up until now, I still don't get why you forced me to do it. You said it was for the sake of learnin', but-"

"And it was," Camus interrupted, a note of seriousness in his voice. "Do bear in mind that you should consider yourself fortunate that I only made you dance with Shinomiya." His eyes glinted with a smirk. "In light of your amusing situation, I was sincerely rather tempted to coerce you to do the waltz with Kotobuki and Mikaze as well."

Ranmaru's scowl deepened. "Why you-"

"However, putting that matter aside, how was dancing alone in this ballroom?"

Camus smoothly changed the topic, his expression reverting back to a serious one.

"Was there any difference in comparison to your waltz in the living room?"

"That's like comparing fire and water!" Ranmaru exclaimed. "Though, I gotta say that dancing alone really has a different feel to it, especially in a place as grand as big as this ballroom. You know me well enough to be able to tell that even when I attended events in places like these, I never took it upon myself to dance. Though I did see loads of couples get on the dance floor and waltz and slow dance to the music."

Memories of those extravagant parties that he never took a liking to from childhood flashed inside Ranmaru's head and he quickly shoved them away as he spoke again.

"With your occupation as a count, did ya have to do this sort of dance back in the land of ice?"

"'Permafrost', you mean," Camus corrected him with narrowed eyes. "However, you are right. I did. I had to entertain the guests of honour at the parties held, after all. It was another role that a count had to fulfil in such events. Although I never formed any form of attachment to any of my dance partners; it was all merely for obligation."

Camus paused for a moment.

"Tell me, Kurosaki. When you danced the waltz earlier, did you feel any form of sadness?"

Ranmaru's eyes widened. He had been surprised that Camus was being this unreserved about his past in Permafrost for once, but he still had not expected the platinum blond to ask this question of all things. However, based on the look on Camus' face and the quieter tone of his voice, Ranmaru could easily tell that he was being completely serious. _Where did this come from, though? Something's tellin' me that this ain't just about the music video..._ Rubbing the back of his neck, Ranmaru decided to answer, although he was still bewildered beyond imagination.

"... I'd be lying if I said I didn't," Ranmaru answered after giving the question some thought, his voice softer than usual. "I mean, what do you expect when the place is so quiet and empty, even with how much of an aesthetic it is? Or actually, even that kind of aesthetic itself adds to the feeling. Dancing a dance that is meant for two people on your own, spinning and stepping across a floor over which you can hear no one's footsteps but yourself, listening to your own ballad in your head... Of course it was saddening... lonely, even. And the fact that I got a feel on what it was like dancing the waltz with a partner - Natsuki, in this case - didn't make the sadness any lesser. Not to mention, with this tuxedo that reminds me of those suits that the child me had to wear all those years ago."

He let out a quiet sigh, the afternoon light remaining bright as the stained glass shone vividly.

"I gotta say that while it was an insane idea to book this ballroom for an entire afternoon, it gave me a clear picture of what I wanna convey in the music video; all those emotions borne by my heart over the years. That sadness is only gonna be even heavier during the actual filming; it'll take place at night and so the ambience will be different from what it is now. But because you brought me here, I know exactly what I'm up for."

Ranmaru let himself grin a little.

"Didn't think you'd go to these lengths, but really... thanks, Camus."

It was one of those times when they put aside their bickering and bore their hearts to each other in a raw, honest conversation. Ranmaru could never forget how Camus' expression, whether voluntarily or involuntarily, softened as the light fell upon his face, a smile gracing his normally-stoic features. As much as Camus was well... Camus, it was not a bad sight; not at all. After a few more minutes, Camus had reverted back to being the strict perfectionist and teacher and drilled Ranmaru through perfecting the waltz and channelling his emotions in his expressions and dance, and although he did not say it, he did not at all regret confiding in Camus, even as strange and sudden as it was. They may have close to nothing in common, but they sure had each other's backs when it counted.

And he would never forget that, no matter how much they may argue.

_"You taught me to share_

_Both pain and weakness"_

_Ya got me to share mine. Back when I was burning alone, back when it slowly became too much for me to bear alone._

Wiping the sweat off his own forehead, Ranmaru felt his own chest heave up and down as the door shut firmly behind him with a loud click, his heart pounding rapidly.

_Now it's your turn. To stop bearing it on your own._

Ranmaru had just finished an interview and a live show, with Cecil, Tokiya and Masato being his fellow co-stars. During the interview, the interviewer had requested for Ranmaru to demonstrate some of the waltz moves from the already-released music video of "Be Proud" and the latter had done so without a problem, fully aware that Camus would not have accepted anything but perfect. Knowing that Camus was resting at the apartment, once he was seated on the sofa in his greenroom, Ranmaru pulled out his crimson cellphone from his bag and checked to see if there were any updates about the blond from any of the others. As easygoing as Reiji, who was currently at home with Camus, was, he was definitely not going to let the baron do any form of work and knew exactly how to achieve that. Seeing that there were no updates but instead, texts from Natsuki and Ai saying that the two were on the way home, Ranmaru began typing that he just finished his live and was about to ask how Camus was doing when someone knocked on the door. Frowning, Ranmaru got up and walked over to the door and opened it, revealing Cecil.

"Ah, Cecil. Something up?"

"Can I come in , Ranmaru-senpai?" Cecil asked, smiling faintly. "I'd like to talk."

"Uh, sure," Ranmaru answered, opening the door wider.

Cecil thanked Ranmaru and entered the greenroom. Shutting the door behind them, Ranmaru proceeded to take a seat next to Cecil on the sofa and inquired, "So what is it, Cecil? Are Masato and Tokiya waiting for you?"

"Yes, but this is only going to be short, so they were fine with waiting for me," Cecil answered, smiling reassuringly.

Cecil's expression changed into a worried look.

"I've been wanting to ask about this, but I thought it'd be better if I asked in person rather than through text. So um... how is Camus? I heard that he collapsed yesterday."

"He's finally getting the rest he needs and deserves, for one," Ranmaru answered, crossing his arms over his chest. "As stubborn as your assigned mentor is, so are the whole lot of us four in QUARTET NIGHT when it comes to making sure he takes care of himself as well. He isn't gonna be at work for awhile, but he's gonna recover one step at a time. That much, I know."

A thought crossed Ranmaru's head and he rested his elbow against the backrest as Cecil smiled faintly.

"Say, Cecil. During your time as his roommate during the Master Course, has he ever fallen sick? Even once?"

"I never saw him ill," Cecil answered, frowning a little. "But I know that Camus would not show it even if he was. He isn't the type of person who likes to show weakness around anyone, not even to those who he is closest to. I can see him taking care of himself if he falls sick."

"I don't disagree with ya," Ranmaru commented, grunting. "Camus ain't the type to just give in when someone offers to help him. It was really difficult as it was getting that aristocrat to take it easy. It was the first time he ever pushed himself that far and none of us ever want a repeat of that collapse. And we ain't leavin' him alone, including at night."

Cecil craned his head to one side. "At night? Is one of you rooming with him?"

Ranmaru nodded briefly. "Natsuki is."

Cecil smiled lightly. "Fantastic. I'm happy to hear that Camus is letting all of you look after him. I hope he gets better soon. It would be really nice to sing our duet together again."

"Yeah."

Ranmaru offered Cecil a slight grin.

"Camus isn't picking his phone up for obvious reasons, but I'll forward your thoughts to him when I get back, alright, Cecil? He may not be the loudest when it comes to speaking out his actual feelings, but knowin' that you care is gonna make him happier."

Cecil beamed. "Thank you, Ranmaru-senpai!"

"No problem, kid."

He patted Cecil on the head as they both got up from the sofa. How strange was it that he and Cecil, the two people whom Camus got into the most disagreements with, were talking about him amidst their worry for him like this? It was actually somewhat amusing in its irony when Ranmaru thought of it that way, but who could blame them for caring as much as they did? Moreover, as strict and cold as he may be towards his assigned kouhai, Camus did genuinely care about Cecil too. 

_Back in that ballroom, you asked if I felt any form of sadness. You didn't relent any information afterwards, but... you did too, didn't you? Just like all that time before you collapsed backstage. Just like right now as you rest while Reiji looks after you and Natsuki, Ai and I plan on checkin' in on you once we're home._

While Camus had not confessed about his emotional struggles so far, him allowing all of QUARTET NIGHT to take care of him and not objecting to any of their offers to help him was definitely a start - a good and much needed one, for that matter. As Ranmaru grabbed his belongings and walked with Cecil out of the greenroom, he texted the quintet's group chat and said that he was coming home soon as well, although he did not tell them that he was going to stop by their favourite cafe and buy lattes for all of them.

_Just like the waltz or writing a song, recovery needs time. Time, patience, care, all of it. You walked me through the struggles of being free and doing the waltz, being as strict as you were wordlessly kind, even if I do not actually say it to your face._

Ranmaru grinned lightly when Reiji texted that Camus was taking a nap, glad to know that he was really taking it easy.

_Now let us - the four of us - walk you through healing... alright?_

Natsuki Shinomiya

The night of the day Camus lost consciousness backstage, he had slept peacefully. He had no nightmares and his breathing, based on what Natsuki could tell, was normal, and he had looked fresher in the morning, although he was still much weaker than he normally was. Now came the second night. After finishing the chamomile tea that Natsuki had brewed for him, Camus had been tucked into bed and fallen asleep, his eyes closed tightly, his chest slowly rising and falling like gentle tides. Having just returned from the bathroom, Natsuki quietly climbed up to the right side of the bed, carefully pulling the quilt up, not wanting to wake Camus up. Wrapping his arms around his fawn plushie, Natsuki felt a soft smile curve on his face as he watched over Camus, who was as serene as he had been when the younger blond left to use the bathroom.

_Sleep tight and get well very soon, Myu-chan._

Gently placing a hand on Camus' forehead, Natsuki let out a quiet sigh of relief and smiled when he found that the heat on the older male's forehead was lesser now.

_We love you. So, so much..._

Lying down on the bed, Natsuki pulled the quilt over himself as he hugged his plushie with one arm. Just as he let his own eyes slip to a quiet close, however, he heard shallow breathing. His heart thudding in his chest, Natsuki got back up and swivelled around to face Camus, and his eyes dilated in pure shock. Camus' face was contorted in pain, his lips twisted into a wince. Sweat was beading on his forehead as colour drained from his face and his chest heaved up and down unsteadily like tumultuous waves, his body quivering like leaves in a storm. Agony wrenching his own heart, Natsuki immediately reached forward and shook Camus on the shoulder. 

"Myu-chan?"

Camus did not respond as his face paled, his inhales and exhales shaky.

"Myu-chan, can you hear me?" Natsuki asked, his voice amplifying as his eyes widened in pain and fear. "Myu-chan? Myu-chan!"

Instead of waking up, however, Camus' body twisted and turned in his sleep and out of a sudden, his arm shot up and grabbed ahold of Natsuki's right hand, causing the latter's eyes to dilate in shock. He was muttering something incoherent in his sleep, but Natsuki could hear the pain in his low voice as he tried to understand what was happening to his close friend. Natsuki's other hand reached for Camus' shoulder and shook again, his voice calling out to Camus, pleading for him to wake up, his own anguish and fear intensifying with each passing moment as the pain on the Permafrost blond's face never ceased. Out of the corner of his eye, an ice-blue colour flashed and Natsuki felt something cold touch the hand that Camus had grabbed onto. His heart faltering, Natsuki shifted his gaze over to his right hand and immediately, he froze.

_I-Ice..._

Natsuki let out a quivering breath as his eyes stared in utter disbelief at the ice that was forming on his skin, born from the ice-blue glow from Camus' hand gripping his without being able to be budged. Jagged and cold, the ice bloomed from his fingertips like fallen dandelions and spread along the surfaces of his fingers, encasing the fingernails in a cold blue. The ice smothered his skin as it formed, cold as it began to numb his hand and grow past his wrist along his arm, with Camus' hand unrelenting as it gripped Natsuki's own. Although he was growing more and more terrified of the ice that was beginning to numb so much to the point that it hurt, Natsuki could feel the hand gripping his wavering and trembling and more than anything, Camus mattered the most. And knowing Camus, he would suffer even more if the ice grew even more than this, if this continued any longer. And that was the last thing that Natsuki ever wanted for his close friend. So tightening his hold on Camus' shoulder, Natsuki shook again and cried out even louder, not caring how much his voice threatened to crack, wishing more than anything that the pain stopped for Camus if not for both of them.

"Myu-chan, please wake up! Please, Myu-chan!"

Natsuki flinched as the ice thickened on his arm and tears were welling at the back of his eyes out of true fear and anguish for the both of them, his heart trembling amidst the helplessness like a crumbling flower in winter. He heard scampering and glanced, only to find Alexander, Camus' pet dog, reaching onto the bed and whimpering to his owner.

"Myu-chan!" His right hand, although mostly frozen, curled a little tighter around Camus, his eyes trying more than anything to not cry as Alexander began barking out to his owner. "Myu-chan!"

Just as Natsuki cried out, Camus gasped out, his eyes opening in utter shock, the light in those eyes trembling like his body as sweat trickled down his pallid face and glimmered under the dim tangerine from the nightlight. At that very moment, the ice-blue glow from Camus' hand gradually faded into nothingness, leaving behind Natsuki's right hand and arm frozen in ice that had spread to his right shoulder. "Myu-chan...?" Natsuki called out softly, not wanting to alarm Camus. As though he sensed that something was wrong, Camus frowned slightly and turned, only to freeze when he saw Natsuki.

"I-I..."

Camus stared at Natsuki's frozen arm with what could only be pure shock and terror, his voice faltering slightly as it muttered quietly.

"What... What have I done... Shinomiya?"

"You were sweating and trembling in your sleep, Myu-chan," Natsuki answered softly, trying to be as calm as possible as he smiled weakly. "I was trying to wake you up when your hand grabbed mine and began to use your ice magic. It was that magic that froze my hand and arm like this. But that's not your fault, Myu-chan! You didn't k-"

"I... froze your skin... with my own... power..."

Camus muttered, pain overtaking his normally-calm eyes.

"I nearly froze you over... when I promised to protect you... How..."

His fingers slowly let go of Natsuki's hand and pressed against the ice, trembling silently.

"How _could_ I...?"

Fear and guilt welled up inside Camus' eyes like a candle's flame silently crying out in the cold and it brought a deep anguish piercing through Natsuki's heart like a jagged shard of ice. Shaking his head, Natsuki pulled Camus up to sitting position as carefully as his left arm and frozen right arm could manage and placed his hands on both of his shoulders, squeezing tightly as he softly tried to reassure the older male and Alexander pressed himself next to Natsuki with black eyes filled with sadness.

"It's really okay, Myu-chan," Natsuki softly told Camus, whose eyes remained lowered, his heart throbbing painfully. "It's not your fault at all; it was an accident and you were sleeping. It's ice, so I can later melt it using the hot water from the shower. It's true that the magic is yours, but it wasn't you who froze me. And I'm okay, Myu-chan. It's-"

"It is not okay."

Camus gritted his teeth, his eyes tight with pain as his voice was strained with hurt.

"You are not okay, Shinomiya, and I... I am to be blamed."

He hung his head as he avoided Natsuki's eyes.

"Forgive me... Shinomiya." His voice was nearly inaudible. "Please... forgive me."

His ice-blue eyes glimmered under the warm lighting amidst the darkness as tears seeped down his cheeks one drop at a time, his lips letting out a quiet, unsteady breath into the imperfect silence. His body quivering, Camus held his head down, his teeth clenched tightly as sobs forced their way out of him, and this... was the most broken that Natsuki had ever seen him. The vulnerability in his words and actions, his ruffled hair and clothing and crumbled expression, the falling tears and the sheer torture etching his face... It broke Natsuki into pieces seeing Camus, his close friend who had always been so, incredibly strong, blaming himself like this, being this tortured and vulnerable. Without a moment of hesitation, Natsuki pulled Camus closer and laid his head on his own lap as he cradled the older male, as tenderly and carefully as he could, his hands rubbing Camus' arms soothingly. Camus tried to get up, but Natsuki firmly kept him in place, whispering.

"You need... to melt the i-ice," Camus uttered, coughing a few times.

"I will, but not now," Natsuki responded, smiling faintly as he patted Camus on the shoulder. "You're much, much more important and I am not leaving until you're okay again, Myu-chan." His smile softened amidst the sadness as his heart squeezed in his chest. "We can talk about your dream if you want. We can talk about anything you want, even if there's only a few words. But please... do not blame yourself, Myu-chan. I really mean it when I say that you didn't hurt me. I know that you would never. It wasn't you."

"But Shinomiya-"

"Really, Myu-chan." Natsuki held Camus a little tighter. "It's okay."

Releasing a wavering breath, Camus closed his eyes, his head pressing against Natsuki's lap a little more than before while Alexander snuggled next to them and whimpered. The tears continued to flow down his cheeks, but his breathing was now calmer, steadier, his chest rising and falling at a slower pace now. He let out a quiet sigh and Natsuki pulled him even closer, the two of them and Alexander alone in the warm lighting that could not heal their hearts. It was only a few moments later when Camus spoke again, his voice quiet.

"The way you are currently holding me... resembles how a child is held by their mother."

Camus' eyes opened slightly, emotions glistening amidst the blue hue.

"It's strange... being held like this for the first time."

"The first time...?" Natsuki asked softly. Camus grunted and he felt his heart wrench tightly in his chest. He knew what Camus was implying without any more words needed. "I'm sorry, Myu-chan."

"You need not apologize," Camus told Natsuki in a half-mutter, shaking his head slightly. "You did nothing wrong. Rather, I should be thanking you. As I have said, you are the first person who has ever held me like this and was purely willing to do so. Neither of my parents wished to, and yet here you are. As strange as this is... I have to say that it is rather calming. Comforting, even. Even more so with your warm aura."

Camus raised his head and finally met Natsuki's eyes, his own eyes softening with emotion.

"It's strange how loved I feel right now, even when my parents and half-brothers never loved me. Even when I think back to how my mother was said to have proclaimed that she was free once I was born. To how painful it was to know... that it was most likely true."

He let out a weak chuckle.

"How peculiar... this is."

Natsuki felt tears threatening to slip from his eyes as his heart quivered with emotion, breaking into pieces at the sound of Camus' quiet confessions. To feel unloved and unwanted, to feel like a burden to his own parents, to feel alone in his own family... Holding back his tears, Natsuki smiled weakly as he took Camus by the hand and squeezed softly, hoping to soothe the Permafrost male's pain at least a little even if that alone could not fill the gap in his heart. He wanted Camus to know and always remember that he was not alone. He had Natsuki, Ranmaru, Reiji, Ai, Alexander, Eli, Ren, Yuuto and so many other people who loved him for who he was. 

Even if his own biological family did not love him, all of them did and that would never change.

"Shinomiya... could you grant me one request?"

"Anything, Myu-chan," Natsuki whispered, smiling softly. "What is it?"

"Could you... sing me a lullaby?"

Camus' eyes were glimmering with unshed tears, the light within that ice-blue quivering as his voice remained quiet.

"While you are still holding me exactly this way, can you sing me a lullaby of your choice? Although it sounds rather strange, can you... Shinomiya? Can you sing... and fill the void of my frozen heart?"

Natsuki widened his eyes at first, not at all expecting Camus to request that from him. As his heart quivered amidst the painful warmth tugging at its strings, at the words that were reverberating quietly yet sorrowfully, silently breaking through his refrain, tears bloomed at the corners of Natsuki's eyes and trickled down his cheeks, the quiet breath that trembled out of his lips unable to stop them even a little. However, he allowed his lips to ease into a genuine, soft smile as he nodded in agreement, cradling Camus in his arms delicately as he whispered. "Yeap, Myu-chan. I can and will, but not to a heart that is frozen, because that's not what your heart is."

His fingers tightened around Camus a little as his voice cracked like stained glass.

"But to a heart that has been so warm and giving from the day I met you until now. Because that is what your heart is to me, to all of us."

Camus stared up at Natsuki with marginally-widened eyes, but after a few mere moments, his expression eased and turned gentler as he nodded briefly and gave the younger blond a slight smile. Letting Camus adjust his head into a more comfortable position, Natsuki draped part of the blanket over the lower half of his close friend's body and stroked his shoulder gently as he began to sing with a hushed voice a French lullaby from childhood. Natsuki's mother had first sung it to him when he was close to falling asleep on her lap during their time in the serene woods where butterflies loved to gather, holding him in her arms as his bow and violin lied on the grass. Natsuki's mother was not an idol or a singer, but her voice was so ethereal and beautiful, as gentle as it was warm with kindness. And it quietly but deeply lulled Natsuki to sleep as he snuggled in her arms, comforted by her voice and the lyrics and melody of the song. His mother had made him feel like he was protected, and that was exactly what Natsuki wanted to make Camus feel as he sang the same lullaby, remembering its little pieces and all that was special about it by heart, wanting to convey, wanting to console.

_"Butterfly, dear butterfly..._

_You, whose wings glisten and glow_

_As the sunlight smiles down at you_

_A warm spirit, a wandering child..."_

Natsuki slowly swayed Camus back and forth, being as careful and gentle as his arms could manage, ignoring the numbness of his frozen arm as he sang to his close friend whose breathing was much calmer now, a shroud of serenity gracing his pallid features that were streaked with remnants of tears.

_"In the depths of the forest, your eyes shine_

_Just as your wings flicker_

_In a lone kaleidoscope you may be_

_You are never on your own, as bright as you are kind..."_

A droplet peeked from the corner of Camus' right eye and slipped down his cheek as he quietly gazed up at Natsuki, emotion quivering inside his ice-blue eyes; a colour that was too often seen as cold when it was truly beautiful and precious. With a tender expression, Camus smiled the most peaceful smile that he had smiled for the past week and allowed his eyes to slowly slip to a close, the movement as silent as it was fluid.

_"So please don't look away_

_My bright butterfly..."_

At the sound of the word "butterfly", Camus was soundly asleep, his eyes closed gently, his chest rising and falling like a tender cadence as his head remained settled on Natsuki's lap. Alexander tilted his head up and let out a few soft barks, and Natsuki smiled softly at the beloved dog and gazed down at Camus, his heart warmed by the serene sight of him now sleeping peacefully. "Let's tuck Myu-chan in, alright?" Natsuki whispered. Letting out a happy bark of agreement, Alexander scuttled off the bed and watched as Natsuki carefully moved Camus to the latter's side of the bed and placed his head on the fluffy pillow before draping the quilt over the lower half of his body. Natsuki placed a hand over Camus forehead and his eyes widened in worry when he found that the older male's fever had gone slightly higher. Alexander climbed back up onto the bed and rested on Natsuki's lap as the blond took his cellphone from the bedside table and texted the quintet's group chat about Camus' fever. Smiling painfully, Natsuki proceeded to quietly head towards the bathroom with Alexander trailing behind him.

_Even as a child... no one loved Myu-chan. No one treasured him, smiled for and with him, or taught him the precious feelings of the heart. Not even his own family... let him lay his head on his lap when he needed to cry..._

Turning on the shower, Natsuki placed a hand under the sprinkling water and waited for the cold water to turn warm as Alexander sat on the floor, the dog's eyes reflecting the pain in his already-broken heart.

_No one was there to tell him that his heart wasn't frozen, but was warm... So, so warm..._

Tears trickled down Natsuki's cheeks as quiet sobs cracked through his lips, his heart grateful that he had shut the door so that Camus would not wake up. Even as the warm water began to melt the ice that had encased his right arm and hand, he could hear his own cries echoing painfully in the cold bathroom and its warm lighting, the pieces of his heart shattering one after another at what Camus had told him. He could feel his teddy-bear- patterned pyjamas turn drenched in the shower as Alexander, despite being dry, stepped into the shower and leaned his head against Natsuki's leg, the dog's whimpers breaking Natsuki's heart even more. Not caring if his clothes got even wetter, Natsuki crouched down and pulled Alexander into a gentle hug, crying softly as the warm water continued to pour upon the both of them, blending with the tears that were cried for Camus, their precious, amazing friend who had endured so much and had now borne his heart - his broken heart - out. His heart that deserved love and kindness as much as they all did.

 _I don't want Myu-chan to suffer alone..._ Natsuki whispered in his heart as a lump formed in his throat and his arms tightened around a whimpering Alexander. _I don't want Myu-chan to cry alone..._

When the ice had completely melted, Natsuki and Alexander left the bathroom together, with the former having dried Camus' dog with a new towel. Wiping his tears away from his eyes, Natsuki whispered to Alexander to take care of Camus while he went to get a spare set of pyjamas from his and Reiji's shared bedroom, and the dog softly barked in agreement. Natsuki quietly let himself out and shut the door behind him, only to be shocked to see Reiji and Ranmaru standing in front of him and staring at him with dilated eyes.

"We woke up in the middle of the night and got your text," Reiji started, stepping closer to Natsuki. "We got worried and actually texted back askin' for you to come out to the commonplace so that we could talk, but we didn't think... Oh Nattsun..."

Shaking his head in anguish, Reiji pulled Natsuki into a tight hug as Ranmaru gazed at the blond in concern.

"We'll let you change clothes and then I'll make you hot choco. And then the three of us will sit right down and talk, alright? Ran-Ran and I don't know what happened, but we're not letting you cry alone. Not even for a second."

"M-Myu-chan-" Natsuki tried to explain, only for his own voice to shatter as he nearly choked on his own tears. Clasping a hand on the back of Natsuki's head, Ranmaru assured him that they were not going anywhere as the three of them walked together towards the shared bedroom of the apartment, the night as silent as it was broken. The three of them quietly discussed over whether they should wake Ai up as well and it did not take long for them to agree that they should, with Reiji stating that anything involving Natsuki and Camus was extremely important to the entire quintet. So less than fifteen minutes later, the four of them were seated in the living room, occupying the two sofas.

And when Natsuki told them that Camus had cried, he could feel the tears trickling down his face as deep pain flashed across Reiji, Ranmaru and Ai's eyes like the lighthouses of the dark nights that their dearest friend had spent an entire childhood suffering on his own.

Camus

"Peculiar" was a rather unique word. A word that Camus utilized rather often himself. To be completely honest, it was a word fitting for usage in the group that he was in, with all these dissimilar individuals connected by their bonds and emotions, with all the colours that made them who they were as much as those very colours may clash at certain times. And he began today feeling rather peculiar and for a number of reasons. 

With the recollection of the ordeal that had fallen into place the night before, Camus expected Natsuki to be less physically affectionate with him than he normally was. Given the fact that Camus had unconsciously frozen the warm blond's arm and hand and nearly frozen his entire being over, he believed that the Natsuki may keep his distance and be afraid of making physical contact with him, and to be honest, Camus could not blame him if he did. He believed that he himself deserved that much for that horrendous ordeal. However, Camus ended up being surprised instead as upon waking up, Natsuki was already there, waiting for him with his trademark, warm smile. And once he had helped Camus up into sitting position, Natsuki beamed and pulled him into a tight hug, enveloping him in warm kindness, and it was as though the frozen ordeal had not even occurred in the first place. 

Moreover, it was not only Natsuki. It was evident from the concern on their faces that Reiji, Ai and Ranmaru already knew what had happened, and yet they, too, were not keeping their distance but instead, were doing the exact opposite. Reiji hugged him from behind after serving breakfast; Ai placed a hand over his forehead and squeezed his shoulder gently; and Ranmaru patted him on the back with a lopsided grin. Not a single one of his four band members was afraid of him. Not a single one of them judged him for what had occurred the night before. Not a shred of discomfort or a syllable of criticism was to be felt or heard as the quintet talked and ate together at the dining table, with the strong aroma of freshly-brewed Earl Grey milk tea and bacon, pancakes and eggs shrouding the warm atmosphere. He could not help but internally smile at the thought. He was being absurd. If anything, they were worried about him, not afraid of him.

It sincerely filled him with a quiet, gentle joy, even if he was not the most obvious in showing it. As well as relief, even if he kept a calm, unfazed expression.

Although he often stiffened when he was embraced by any of them, their warmth did reach into him, settling, staying, and as much as he did not admit it, it would have been painful if any of them avoided him because of that night.

While this was a pleasant surprise, the surprises as well as their peculiarity, however, did not cease during breakfast. 

Far from it.

"... a sleepover?"

"Yeap!" Reiji confirmed, beaming as he hopped onto the bed and sat cross-legged across from Camus. "While you remained fast asleep last night, the four of us thought it was a bright idea to have a sleepover together. It won't last until late 'cause you're still sick, but we still have plenty of time since we're starting now, alright!"

"We decided for it to be a surprise," Ranmaru explained, taking a seat next to Reiji as he grinned slightly. "And it worked. Ya don't have to worry about needing to move much or do anything extreme; we ain't got any plans for it seein' that your health's a problem now."

"I will be sure to keep track of the time," Ai assured Camus with a slight smile as he glanced at the clock. "But while the time may be limited, I am sure that it will be memorable for all of us. Memorable and precious."

"Are you okay with this, Myu-chan?" Natsuki asked with a soft smile, his arms wrapped around Camus from behind in a bear hug. "If you're too tired or not up for it, we can do this another time."

"Kiddo's right."

"Yep!"

When Camus left the bathroom after taking a warm shower and changing into his nightwear, he had easily noticed that the bedroom was not the same way as he had left it. For one, a thick mattress covered with bed sheets and had pillows and a green quilt lying on top of it was settled into position on the floor. Next, there was an additional pillow lying on his bed along with not only Camus and Natsuki's plushies, but also the three plushies that were Reiji, Ai and Ranmaru's. And when the bedroom door opened, Natsuki, Reiji, Ai and Ranmaru entered with all of them wearing their loose, casual clothing that they normally wore for the nights. Camus had definitely been right to classify this quintet as a group with unending surprises, especially when it came to doing something for one of their own. Its peculiarity was, however, one of its many charms.

With all of them gathered on the bed, speaking of the term "peculiarity", Camus could feel that particular emotion filling his chest as everyone looked at him, with Natsuki's chin resting on his shoulder. Somehow it felt as though this was déjà vu. Not because it was the first sleepover the quintet ever had; far from it, actually, especially with how excitable Natsuki and Reiji in particular were when it came to doing such activities. However, there was an acute pang of emotion from a source that Camus that was uncertain of. Sadness and warmth. Affection and pain. Protectiveness. Love. A scenery that was near identical to this one had been painted before, but when? Which memory was it? But that was not what Camus was going to ask his four closest friends. Not yet, at the very least. The question that he was asking now was: 

"Why?"

While his voice was calm, it was quieter than he desired for it to be.

"Not that I mind, but why are you holding a sleepover now of all times?"

"We thought you'd ask," Ranmaru responded, scratching the back of his head as he adjusted his sitting position. "The idea popped up when we were up discussing 'bout you last night, after ya know... that incident." His eyes turned serious even as his voice remained low. "The four of us agreed that we couldn't just do nothing and let things be as they were after what happened."

"We promise that we meant it during breakfast when we told you that Nattsun didn't say a word about the things about your family that you told him that night," Reiji continued, placing his star plushie on his lap as he scooted closer to the group. "The four of us respect that it's private and as Nattsun said, the one who should be telling us is you. But from the look on Nattsun's face when he told us about last night and his word choice, as well as how he cried, we knew we were right when we thought that your family history, including your childhood, wasn't exactly a happy one." Natsuki lowered his eyes as Reiji smiled painfully. "And that it was one of the main reasons why you ended up collapsing and breaking down."

"So we thought it was a good idea for the five of us to do something that was a part of the childhoods that most of us here never really got to have," Ranmaru added, averting his eyes awkwardly, and the fact that he was saying that statement so openly tugged something inside of Camus. _Kurosaki._ "Considerin' your health as of now, you ain't in any condition to do anythin' rigorous and so outdoor activities were already scratched off."

"A sleepover is something that children and teenagers alike hold during their younger days," Ai explained, placing a hand on Camus' shoulder. "While this is definitely not the first time that the five of us have had a sleepover, we thought that we could try and enjoy the activities together and share memories and emotions that a happy childhood would have had. Physically, we may not be children and in reality, not all of us have biological families who love us, but..."

"We are all a family," Natsuki stated, smiling tenderly as he squeezed Camus a little. "And deep down in our hearts, even though we grow older as time passes by, there are parts of us that are still children and will always be children. During this sleepover, we hope that all of us can try and let go a little more, let out the parts of us that are children with wishes, hopes and smiles. Children who wish to be looked out for, to be loved and cared for, even if they do not say it out loud."

The smile in his voice was sincerely warm and gentle, just like its owner.

"We want to fill your heart with all the love we can give. We may not be able to rewrite the past, including your childhood, but we can share memories that are brighter than the painful ones that we have seen and felt. We want you to feel loved, because you deserve to as much as we all do. We love you, Myu-chan... More than anything... all of us love you."

Camus found himself hardly able to form coherent words under the earnestness of Natsuki, Reiji Ranmaru and Ai's smiles and words, with the emotions that were already spreading throughout his heart growing stronger, much akin to a lamplight in the frozen darkness. A sudden realization sank inside his head and he let out a soft chuckle as a tear rolled down his cheek. _So that is where that peculiar sense of déjà vu originated from. I should have known..._ As Ranmaru and Reiji began panicking and Natsuki and Ai turned worried, the four of them clearly unaccustomed to seeing him cry before their eyes, the images of the lone streetlamp standing alone in the darkness with its white glow flashed inside his head like the wings of that fallen butterfly as the warmth of that tear slowly grew distant. _Now it is of no wonder that scenery resonated that deeply with me. After all..._

Tracing back to a time from more than half a year ago, he knew that on a particular broken night, there had been a butterfly lying under the lonely glow of that exact same lamplight, under a night that could neither console nor heal, its wings flickering, its heart crying. 

Except that on that night... the butterfly was not Camus.

_The butterfly's wings were a radiant yellow hue, just like the sun that had disappeared by then._

_It was you..._ _Shinomiya._

The images of that fateful yet broken night, of those colourful buildings and white streetlamps of the metropolis, of the warm tears and shattered pieces of a crying heart, flickered inside his head like the wings of the butterfly that had been trapped in a lone kaleidoscope, and seeing how similar yet different, how faraway yet close, as that night was to now, he could only silently let the tears go.

_The butterfly that was first found under the streetlamp, who was broken into slivers of glass and was terrified of hurting and being hurt, all while deeply wishing to be loved... it was you. You were the butterfly who was straining to touch a warm spring, praying to fill a void with a melody, after being buried by a cruel snowfall and was found by the rest of us._

_And now... the roles have been traded. Now instead of being the one quietly wishing for love..._

Smiling weakly, he reached out and placed a hand over Natsuki's, unsure where to even begin.

_Now you are the one giving every bit of love in your soul, whereas I... I am the one carrying a wish that was buried underneath the snow, underneath the ice, underneath what could never be undone._

_"As stars dance in the sky, my frozen hand_

_Still has yet to understand the warmth of 'bonds'_

_Could you teach me...?"_

\- "Zettai Reido Emotion", by Camus (Tomoaki Maeno)


	60. Catharsis / Touch

Camus

Just like the butterfly's wings, his tears had fallen. Just like the snow sinking down a cold night, more tears were falling. Dyes in the silent night were dribbling down from a once-united kaleidoscope, colours flashing and near blinding, on the verge of being painful. It was bearing its weakness under the shameful stare of the white lamplight, having been broken to the extreme of being unable to conceal it away for a moment longer. As much as he wished it was not so, as much as he did not wish to admit it, Camus was at his weakest. He, who had concealed his weaknesses and shortcomings behind his pride, was trapped in his own vulnerability as tears quietly slipped down his cold face, his mind uncertain what to say or do, his heart uncertain as to what to feel.

How shameful it felt... to bare his own weakness in front of them.

The kaleidoscope had been shattered, and the wings of the lone, fallen butterfly had changed colour. It had been yellow under the glowing buildings of a night's colourful metropolis; green under the ever-changing lights of the Ferris Wheel; crimson amidst the smouldering flames of their former living room; and lavender in a heart-wrenching car journey to a professor's laboratory. And now it was vividly ice-blue - his colour - gleaming painfully with a truth that he had not wanted to unravel this way. His fingers twining tighter with one of the two hands resting on his stomach, Camus kept his head lowered, attempting to form the right words to say, attempting to figure out _what_ to say and where to even begin.

_"He has no soul."_

Was this how the four of them had felt when they were at their most vulnerable points? Whether they were being held in a tight embrace, alone in the heart's hollow abyss, engulfed by flames or drowned in tides?

_"How pitiful. How unwanted."_

He knew for certain that he must look absolutely pathetic, with his pride tossed away, his confidence dissipated, words such as "I am fine" rendered useless.

_"There is no room here for a brat that might as well be considered an orphan, with neither parent actually looking after him. He has no home. He never will."_

Moreover, he could not even begin to fathom the thoughts and images sifted through in his friends' heads seeing him like this, when he could not even-

"Come here."

A voice that was normally gruff was now quieter as Camus felt a hand push the back of his head lightly and allow him to bury his face into a firm shoulder. "You don't have to be ashamed, ya know. We've all been in this position and no one had any right to judge. None of us are judging you, ya know, Camus." Clenching his teeth, Camus felt a lump stuck in his own throat as Natsuki hugged him a little tighter and Ranmaru began carding his fingers through his platinum-blond hair, his body letting out tremors. "Just like you had let me before, just like you had let Natsuki, Reiji and Ai last time, let it all out. Even if it's a whole flood of tears, let every drop of it go. Even the strongest people need to have a good cry from time to time and if you asked us, it's way past due time you had yours. So no need to hold back, got it?"

Normally, Camus would argue back if Ranmaru made any form of attempt to lecture him. However, at this very moment, Camus had neither the capacity nor willpower to do so. As he allowed his head to rest on Ranmaru's shoulder, he felt one hand squeeze his right shoulder and another hand running up and down his back in a slow, rhythmic pace, recognizing those gestures to be Reiji and Ai's, respectively. Somehow it made the urge to cry even stronger, and his hands that were not holding anything or anyone quivered on his sides. As Camus strained to recompose himself, Ranmaru heaved out an exhale and spoke.

"I know that I ain't the most outwardly affectionate of this group - not even close. But this time, I'm gonna say it, so listen loud and clear, Camus. You're our family, you know. As much as we fight a lot, I wouldn't have it any other way and I know for a fact that Reiji, Natsuki and Ai wouldn't either. You're our brother, for goodness' sake! We love you, Camus. I love you."

His hand clasped over Camus' head, Ranmaru stopped for a second, his voice pained but firm through clenched teeth.

"So don't think about things like pride and all that, 'cause the only thing that matters now is that you're gonna be okay. And you will be 'cause you have the whole lot of us to make sure of it, you got it?"

_"Never has been cradled in his mother's arms. Never will be cradled by her or anyone."_

Even though his earliest years were blurs and hazes, even though he did not remember every detail of his childhood, he knew in his heart that the woman who had given birth to him would scorn at the idea of holding him in his arms. However, the latter sentence that had been said of him, that had been said behind his voice with a cold voice that he would never be cradled by anyone, was unravelled as nothing short of a lie as he did not make even the slightest attempt to pull away from the people who were holding him one way or another at this very moment. If he were to be entirely honest, as vulnerable as he felt and was, he did not want them to let go. He did not want Reiji, who was murmuring consoling words and patting him on the shoulder, to cease his own voice and leave his side. He did not want Ai, who left his hand lingering on his back, to retract his hold away. He did not want Natsuki, whose head rested atop his left shoulder and arms remained wrapped around his waist in a back hug gently but protectively, to release him. Neither did he want Ranmaru, his bickering partner and yet concurrently his closest friend who had set aside his typical gruff and crude speech and was now reassuring him sincerely, to turn away. He wanted all four of them - his dearest people - to stay by his side and never abandon him. 

"Love ya, Myu-chan."

"We love you, Camus."

"We love you, Myu-chan."

_Love..._

At long last, the last of the glass walls came shattering down and relinquishing himself to them and their brotherly affection, Camus let out a weak chuckle and slowly but surely encircled his arms around Ranmaru as tears dribbled down his cold face. Deep inside his heart, he knew that all of them meant every syllable that they had said to him. He did not feel an ounce of deceit or judgement from any of them. Neither did he feel like any of them saw him as weak or shameless or any of the other cold names that he had been called throughout his existence be it in childhood or adulthood. 

It was here in their arms... where he felt like... Camus. Not Camus the rightful heir or legitimate son. Not Camus the count or the knight in service of the Silk Queen. But Camus, their best friend and brother in this quintet who had grown to be an inseparable family whose members never failed to look out for one another. Camus, who was, by no means, the most empathetic, kindest or compassionate amidst everyone they had ever seen and met and yet they had all earnestly accepted and loved with warm smiles and welcoming arms. Camus, who consisted of layers and layers of complexities amongst his double personas and yet they had taken immeasurable time and effort in understanding and getting closer to.

Camus, who had broken down amongst the vulnerability that a formerly-frozen heart had concealed and yet they did not judge as they chose, instead, to love him and protect him, two things that even his own blood family would never do. And so he silently allowed his eyes to fall to a gentle close as he kept a firm hold on Ranmaru, revelling in and appreciating the tender warmth that the four of them and their company were enveloping him and his heart in, as unravelled and wounded as he was, as imperfect as he was.

_I am a butterfly that has fallen apart from its kaleidoscope, but in their arms... I am not frozen._

Just like the azure curtains that were swaying by the glass window, his true feelings were vivid before their eyes. Vivid, unmistakable and quivering. Yet not a single one of the four parted even for the most fleeting moment as they held him whom they shrouded with the warmth and affection that he had been deprived of before he met them. That was thawing out the heart that had been anesthetized by unspoken solitude originating from the day he was born into a country of ice and snow.

_Not in these arms with a warmth that can thaw out even the most numbing of ice._

A heart that was and felt safe... and sound...

_Not with them here... never with them here..._

And he was sincerely grateful for it. With every inch of his heart, soul and mind, he sincerely was.

It was after an interminable amount of time had passed when he slowly released a quiet breath and began to loosen his hold on Ranmaru. Clearly noticing Camus' gesture, Ranmaru, Ai, Natsuki and Reiji, in turn, carefully began to give him space as he lifted his head and released the silver-haired rocker. Even though he could have felt embarrassed, he did not stop Ai and Natsuki as the two youngest of the quintet reached out and gently wiped his tears from his face with soft smiles reflected in their eyes. Ranmaru cracked a lopsided grin and patted him lightly on the top of the head as Reiji told Camus that he would go and grab something for him and rubbed him on the back with a light smile. Alexander, who had been fast asleep on his own miniature bed, climbed up onto the king-sized bed and snuggled close to Camus, nuzzling his head against his owner with a few soft barks, prompting the latter to smile slightly. It did not take long for Reiji to rejoin them and hold out Camus' azure mug with a gentle smile.

"It's butterfly pea milk tea. Nattsun brewed it for ya using the tea powder from Eli-chan back when you were still in the shower."

Reiji's grey eyes were glimmering under the warm lighting.

"It should still be at least warm to hot as it was sealed by the lid. Go ahead and have a sip, our dear Myu-chan."

Natsuki nodded with a warm smile and Camus gave both him and Reiji a slight smile, murmuring a "thank you" as he curled his fingers around the mug. The surface of the homemade beverage was a soothing, vivid azure that was akin to a clear spring sky. With white vapour flowing upwards in a graceful spiral, Camus slowly took a quiet sip and immediately noted that Natsuki had placed the right amount of sugar, precisely the way that the former liked the drink. Nodding in satisfaction, Camus lifted his gaze and found all four of them and Alexander watching him with softness in their eyes, causing him to raise an eyebrow.

"Could you enlighten me as to why all of you are staring?"

"Because we wanna make sure you're feelin' at least a little better!" Reiji, surprisingly, was extremely quick to answer, his lips curving into a brighter smile. "Your eyes and body language say it all, after all."

"I agree. "Nodding briefly, Ai placed a hand over Camus' forehead and his eyes softened. "Your fever has decreased slightly and as for your heartbeat..." he gently held Camus by the wrist and smiled faintly, "it is close to normal, although the quicker pace is reasonable due to the emotional moment that you had just had a few minutes ago." He sighed. "You sincerely needed to outwardly release your emotions and we... we are more than relieved you did."

"We would have been even more worried sick if you pushed yourself to hold back," Ranmaru stated, crossing his arms. "Based on what happened last night, we already could tell that you were already way past your limit, but we knew that there was at least a part of you that was still trying to endure on your own, no matter how much the strain was." He scratched his own silver hair and heaved out a loud exhale, his facial expression turning gentler. "You have all of us to share the burden with, ya know. No matter how heavy, as long as it's for your sake, we ain't got any complaints."

"We will be more than happy to talk and listen with our arms and hearts wide open for you, Myu-chan," Natsuki assured Camus, smiling softly as he took his hand and squeezed it softly. "But even if you don't want to talk about it just yet, we will be waiting for you. And we can all do anything you want, Myu-chan. Anything, as long as you're happy."

Alexander barked a couple of times and Natsuki let out a warm chuckle as he stroked the white dog's fur.

"Alexander-kun said that he wants to do the same for you too, Myu-chan. We all want you to be happy."

Ranmaru, Reiji and Ai nodded in agreement as Alexander let out a couple of happy barks. Stroking his own chin, Camus began to ponder over his options, silently noting that everyone, including his own pet dog, were keeping their gazes on him. Even more so than before, the desire to truthfully confide in all of them had intensified like a candlelight, ignited in the depths of his own heart. As uncompelling as it was, it was strong and earnest, and while taking the decision into consideration, he also understood that they would be more than willing to listen and that enduring on his own would simply worry them even more. Relinquishing a quiet sigh, he faced all of them again and spoke.

"Would it be alright if we commenced with the sleepover for now?"

Even as the words were said aloud, he was already anticipating at least one of them to have the impression that he was either avoiding the topic or possibly attempting to endure it on his own, neither of which he could have blamed any of them for assuming, especially taking into account the reasons why they were in this situation in the first place. Camus opened his mouth again to elaborate, feeling the need to explain, but he was stopped when Natsuki wrapped an arm around him and gave him a warm smile that was glistening in his kind, green eyes.

"You don't have to worry about us being upset about you not telling us now, Myu-chan," Natsuki assured Camus, his eyes softening as he pulled him closer and gave him a half-hug, clearly seeing through the latter. Between them, Alexander snuggled his head on Camus' left thigh and barked happily. "We are not at all. We don't want to force you to do anything and we're not. And since you want to start the sleepover now, that's what we'll all do, sharing the warmest memories as we spend time with one another."

"Kiddo's right," Ranmaru told Camus, grinning slightly as he patted him on the shoulder. "But also, if you do feel like settlin' down and talking, just say the word and we'll get shift the mood over to a serious one."

"So wanna play the fishing board game?" Reiji asked with a wide smile, prompting Ranmaru to smack him on the head with the nearest pillow. He yelped. "Ran-Ran!"

"Didn't Ai and I tell you that we weren't goin' fishing, whether in real life or game mode?" Ranmaru questioned as Ai facepalmed.

"I know, but it was worth a try bringing it up again!" Reiji countered. "And Nattsun was okay with-"

"You know that our kiddo will happily go along with anything you say, but no! Ai and I are also doin' him a real favour by saving him from the boredom of freaking fishing!"

"It's not boring!"

"It is!"

"The game that all of us unanimously agreed to begin the sleepover with is actually this," Ai stated, taking a DVD case from the bedside table nearest to him and Ranmaru, and showed the game to Camus. Camus felt himself grimace when he realized what this game was likely to comprise of. _You peasants cannot be serious._ "Ranmaru had a much more violent reaction when Reiji first suggested this, so it is rather pleasant seeing you this accepting of it based on the first impression. The first game that the five of us will attempt to play is a dating simulator. An integral part of childhood is undoubtedly an innocent sense of curiosity and as absurd as playing this kind of game sounds, I believe that it can help us with our current cause which includes the desire to unwind from strenuous activities and hardships and sharing memories that a happy childhood would comprise of."

"This is also a chance for us to try and demonstrate our knowledge on romance!" Reiji remarked with a cheeky grin and he laughed as he avoided another pillow attack from Ranmaru. "Come on, Ran-Ran! No one's gonna judge you if you accidentally make the girl cry- Wahh!"

"This game's gonna be cheesy, crazy, headache-inducing and freaking unrealistic," Ranmaru remarked after he smacked Reiji on the face with a pillow, shaking his head in utter disbelief. "But considerin' the situation, it's freaking _perfect_ if we wanna let loose our crazy colours. And it's gonna be real interestin' seeing how each of us deal with tryin' to win over the girls of our choices in the game. I, for one, wanna see how our innocent kiddo will cope."

"I want to learn more about romance from Maru-chan too!" Natsuki commented with a bright smile, causing Ranmaru to choke on his own spit as Reiji burst out laughing. "Maru-chan, are you okay?"

"He is moved by your faith in him, Natsuki," Ai answered with a soft laugh, causing Ranmaru to yell out his name as Reiji laughed even harder. Camus found himself chuckling as Natsuki smiled lightly. "Seeing that you are relishing in the current chaos, would it be safe to say that you approve of the game, Camus?"

Camus sighed. "This is already guaranteed to be a catastrophe." Everyone laughed, with Ranmaru exclaiming his agreements. "However, I am also certain that it will be quite entertaining." Folding his arms, he smirked slightly. "There are no issues on my side."

"That's the spirit, Myu-chan!" Reiji cheered, pumping his fist up into the air as Natsuki beamed and Ai and Ranmaru smiled. He grabbed Natsuki's hand and spoke again. "In that case, Nattsun and I will get everyone else's drinks and then we can start the game in Ai-Ai's laptop!"

"We're gonna need it!" Ranmaru called out. "Romance lessons are never not crazy, especially in this group!"

All of them began to laugh again, with Camus chuckling deeply. Past the crevices of his own heart, he, in all actuality, knew that he wished to confide in all of them, with his gut informing him that he eventually would. Even though he had not verbally said it, he sincerely understood the reason why he chose to commence with the sleepover first instead of confiding once the tears had ceased to fall.

_I wish to relish in this point in time for a while longer._

At least for this very moment, he did not want to think of the "him" that was the lone butterfly lying on the cold pool of white light under the narrow lamppost standing in the darkness. Neither did he wish to allow the memories of what he never had with his biological family to haunt and plague his mind, let alone dissolve and overshadow him. For right now, he simply wished to quietly remain in only the company of Ranmaru, Reiji, Ai, Natsuki and Alexander and no one else, in the lingering warmth welling up like the colours of a sanctuary's garden, even if the pain was unforgotten in his heart. For now, things such as the fallen butterfly, the white lamppost and the falling kaleidoscope... they were all thoughts that he wished to cast aside for a moment in order to truly focus on what he did have and would always have.

_In your kindness, your warmth and your sincerity, forgetting for a moment a past that can never be undone..._

Taking another sip of his butterfly pea milk tea, Camus smiled faintly as Ranmaru patted him on the shoulder and Ai slipped the DVD into the player from his laptop, his heart pulsating audibly inside his chest.

_I simply wish to be with all five of you. That... is my only wish._

Ai Mikaze

Catharsis.

As defined by the Oxford Dictionary, catharsis was "the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong and repressed emotions". It was a rather strange and interesting word; undoubtedly unique. With three vowels and six consonants, the word described a process that every living human being had gone through or would eventually undergo, regardless at which stage in their lives. Regardless of the reason, even if they themselves did not realize it, all of them had suppressed their true feelings and emotions during various circumstances, including amidst the memories that they shared with one another. And suppressing them painfully resembled the acts of stifling and suffocating, for it was almost like they were depriving themselves of air, slowly causing invisible walls to enclose around and compress the heart, torturing them as well as drowning them within themselves. Ai was unduly familiar with the feeling of internal suppression, for he was guilty of doing so, as were Natsuki, Camus, Reiji and Ranmaru, all of whom he had seen doing that exact thing more than once and suffering because of it.

Just like a breath through inhaling and exhaling, just like the hummingbird that had been trapped in a cage and unable to sing, just like the flickering butterfly that remained unnoticed in the darkness, those emotions and feelings needed to someday be released into the light, like fragments of memories that had been forgotten in order to leave one's mind at peace. However, even as catharsis, releasing those suppressed emotions, granted relief, it did not mean that relinquishing was devoid of pain and anguish. The butterfly that emerged from the darkness was blinded by the sunlight that illumined its broken wings; the hummingbird that had been set free from its cage was terrified to make a sound with its crying throat; the chest that had held onto that one breath ached deeply as that breath trembled out into the open and echoed. By releasing those emotions, one was holding out the heart that had been hidden behind oscillating veils of fear and uncertainty. 

From all that he shared with his closest friends, he understood that holding a heart out to someone... meant that you were allowing yourself to be at your most vulnerable state in front of them. The heart in your hand was not an impeccable heart or one that was devoid of any form of pain, sadness and grief - it was a heart that had not only been bruised, but also wounded, scarred and broken countless of times. A heart that had broken down after carrying too much on its own, that had let out a strangled cry after suffocating itself in silence for too long. Liberating yourself from suffering was never painless, and those words were proven to be heart-wrenchingly accurate when Camus shattered with all of them and Alexander there. 

_We wish to help you through your catharsis._

Deeper and stronger than anything else, their wish was that Camus would gradually heal, that they could piece together the fragments of the heart that he was holding out to all of them with tears glistening in his eyes and scars etched against his soul.

_With every bit of time and effort, we wish to minimize the pain as much as possible, even if just by a little._

"Hey, Alexander, truth or dare?"

"Alexander-kun said 'truth', Maru-chan," Natsuki answered with a gentle smile, translating Alexander's happy barks.

Ranmaru guffawed. "Your ability to talk to animals is really a wonder, Natsuki." Grinning, he proceeded. "Here's my question, Alexander. Based on the dating sim earlier, who do ya think is the most romantic?"

Alexander barked enthusiastically and Natsuki's eyes widened in surprise.

"What did he say, Natsuki?"

"Eto..." Natsuki smiled shyly as Alexander gazed up at him with bright eyes. "I didn't think I did so well, but Alex-kun said either me or Myu-chan."

Alexander barked again and Natsuki's smile turned awkward as he faced Ranmaru, who was starting to be suspicious.

"Alex-kun knows that it isn't part of the question, but he wants to say that the least romantic is definitely Maru-chan." Ranmaru gaped and was about to protest when Alexander barked with a mischievous sparkle in his black eyes and Natsuki chuckled. "And um... Maru-chan... he also said that in that game, you were the very best at making girls cry."

"Oi!"

"I see that my dear Alexander is also vividly aware of your case of severe ignorance in terms of being a gentleman. He is truly an attentive dog."

"Shut up, Camus!"

Ranmaru glared as Camus smirked, Ai and Natsuki chuckled, and Reiji burst out laughing. After a colourful catastrophe during their attempt at playing the romance simulator, the five of them and Alexander all agreed to take a break from the chaos derived from in-game romance and proceed to other kinds of chaos originating from card games and Truth or Dare which they were currently playing. Sitting on Camus' comfortable king size bed, they had formed a circle with the following order: Ai, Camus, Natsuki, Reiji and Ranmaru, with Alexander snuggled on Camus' lap. Gently stirring his lavender milk tea in his mug, Ai smiled softly as Reiji shuffled the six cards again and laughed.

"But Myu-chan's dearest doggie has a point, Ran-Ran!" Reiji commented, shaking his head as he let out even more laughs. "You made the lovely girls cry way more times than the rest of us combined, with Nattsun not making a single girl cry even once!"

"Sometimes I had to stop and ponder over whether you forgot that we were playing a dating simulator and not a game of breaking relationships," Ai stated, nodding in agreement.

"Oi!"

"But it's okay, Maru-chan," Natsuki assured Ranmaru, smiling warmly at the older male. "I'm sure the girls in the game just misunderstood you. If they took more time to get to know you, they will love you for the wonderful person you are. We can all try again next time!"

"This is precisely why Natsuki did well in the dating simulator," Ai remarked with a slight smile.

"And why his polar opposite failed miserably."

"Why you-"

"I'm done shuffling the cards!" Reiji beamed, placing the six cards face-down in the middle of the circle. "We can all choose now. I really hope Lady Luck's smilin' upon me this time; I'm rearing to make a request!"

"Well, I want revenge, that's for sure," Ranmaru remarked as everyone began choosing their cards. "If I get the 6 and either you, Camus or Alexander get the 1, it's freaking perfect."

"In your dreams, Kurosaki." Camus scoffed, giving Ranmaru a challenging smirk. He looked down at his card and his smirk darkened. "What did I tell you?" He held out his card. "The 6 is in my hand, so I will be the one making the request this round."

His jaw dropping, Ranmaru immediately flipped over his card, only to heave out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank God. I ain't the one with a 1 this time. I got 3."

"I'm safe too," Reiji commented, chuckling. "Mine's 4."

"So am I," Ai stated, peering down at his card. "I chose 2."

"So it's either Alexander or Natsuki." Ranmaru turned to Natsuki and Alexander, grinning. "Which one of you is it?"

Alexander barked enthusiastically and flipped his card with his paw, revealing the number 5. Chuckling softly, Natsuki held out his card, revealing the 1 of Hearts. "It's me, guys." He turned to Camus and smiled gently as a chuckling Reiji wrapped an arm around the kind blond. "You can ask the question now, Myu-chan."

"Very well." A playful smirk tugged at Camus' lips as he folded his arms. "Then I shall ask. Truth or dare, Shinomiya?"

Natsuki contemplated for a few moments before smiling brightly. "I chose Truth last round, so I'll try Dare this time, Myu-chan!"

"Ah, perfect."

Camus smiled in satisfaction as Natsuki and Reiji's eyes widened in sheer confusion, with Ai blinking and Ranmaru's jaw dropping. _Perfect? Taking into account the previous rounds, I was certain that his most ideal scenario was either Ranmaru or Reiji being forced to heed his requests, so this is rather surprising._ "To tell you the truth, I was waiting throughout the entire game for this scenario to arise. So thank you for giving me this opportunity, Shinomiya. Although for this particular request, the term 'dare' sounds much too informal to do it justice. So Shinomiya..."

Looking directly into Natsuki's eyes, Camus smiled, his eyes surprisingly gentle amidst its seriousness.

"I would like to request for you to play the viola while singing the exact same lullaby that you had sung for me the night before. You sang it beautifully and I could not help but wish to hear you sing it again." His eyes softened, just like his already-quiet voice. "If you do not mind, that is."

Ai could not help but be rather taken aback seeing Camus converse with Natsuki in such a manner. It was not that it was insincere or out of character of Camus, but the way that he had just spoken was admittedly purely... humble. Considering his demanding nature and typical level of confidence, it was extremely rare to see Camus actually request for anything this politely or humbly, and if Ai were to be honest, this was the most humble he had actually heard Camus request for anything. While Reiji's eyes dilated and Ranmaru gawked, Natsuki widened his eyes slightly, the three of them clearly sharing the same emotions as Ai. Natsuki's gaze soon turned warm as he smiled earnestly and nodded at Camus in agrement.

"I'd love to, Myu-chan." His voice was gentle and warm. "Just give me a bit to go and get my viola, alright?"

Camus nodded and Natsuki carefully scooted over to the edge of the bed, only for the younger blond to be followed by Alexander, who pawed at his back with a happy bark and caused him to chuckle. "Oh, you're coming with me, Alexander-kun? Let's go together then." Giving Alexander a gentle pat on the head, Natsuki smiled warmly and the two of them left the bedroom together, the innocent blond waving at the senpais. Ai shifted his eyes over to the three oldest members of the quintet and sighed. 

"Ranmaru, I can still see the sheer shock written on your face."

"How am I not supposed to be freaking shocked?" Ranmaru exclaimed, shaking his head as he jabbed a finger at Camus. "For someone who gives demands and orders as simply and bluntly as breathing, you sounded way too mellow over there like you were a nearly different person altogether! Is this some kind of weird side effect from the medicine? 'Cause I could have sworn Reiji and I bought ya the right one..."

"I am completely fine, you fool," Camus stated with a scoff. "I simply felt that it would be rather impolite and inconsiderate to be and sound demanding when it came to relaying that particular request to Shinomiya. If I were to be honest, even the term 'request' now sounds too rigid to be the right term."

"Nattsun did say that he sang you a lullaby last night," Reiji mused, stroking his chin as his face relaxed into a tender expression. "Honestly, Nattsun's such a sweetheart. Him singing lullabies for us reminds me all over again how kind and selfless doing so is. The one singing the lullaby is always the one who ends up sleeping later than their partner and yet even after a long and rough day, they still sing so gently and softly." His grey eyes softened ever so slightly. "He always does, even as he's crying with a heartbreaking smile on his face."

Ranmaru grinned slightly as Ai nodded with a sincere smile. "That's our Natsuki, alright."

"And Myu-chan... I think I got the right word to use for this rather than 'request'."

"What is it, Kotobuki?" Camus inquired, although Ai began to smile, able to guess what word Reiji was referring to.

Reiji's lips eased into a soft smile. "It's a wish. A pure and wonderful wish that he will happily grant not because you asked for it, but because he loves you so much, just as we all do."

His eyes widened in mild astonishment, but soon Camus chuckled, his laughs somehow lighter than usual, and it resonated deeply within Ai's heart like a glowing cadence echoing across a serene night.

"A wish."

An earnestly gentle smile reached Camus' ice-blue eyes as he allowed Reiji to wrap an arm around his shoulders despite normally protesting against it.

"Indeed it is a wish, Kotobuki."

As the four senpais smiled, Alexander came scampering into the room, his black eyes glimmering with joy, and climbed back up onto the bed as Natsuki entered with his viola and bow. Facing all of them, Natsuki gave them a shy smile.

"So eto... I'll just stand here while playing, right? Because if I sit on the bed, I might accidentally poke you guys with the bow during the song."

"Right there's perfect, Nattsun," Reiji assured Natsuki, smiling warmly as he gave their best friend a thumbs-up sign and Ai and Ranmaru nodded in agreement. He turned to Camus, his grey eyes soft. "You're the one with the wish, Myu-chan, so what do you think?"

"I have no objections," Camus stated, folding his arms with a slight smile quirking at the corner of his lips. "Feel free to begin when you are ready, Shinomiya."

Natsuki's lips curved into a bright smile. "Yeap, Myu-chan."

Positioning the viola firmly on his left shoulder and the bow over the strings, Natsuki carefully adjusted his standing position and with a gentle smile gracing his green eyes, it took just a few more ephemeral seconds for him to begin playing the instrument. Moving the bow across the taut, delicate strings fluidly as though he was relinquishing stars across the tranquil waters, he released a warm melody of pure innocence and sentimentality into the serene bedroom, and Ai found himself enthralled by him almost instantaneously, soundlessly falling deeper into the song while barely realizing it himself. 

And he could only fall even deeper when Natsuki slowly began to sing, his kind and tender voice quietly intertwining with the lullaby's cadence, painting the melody with warm colours and imagery, and it brought emotions pulling silently but powerfully at Ai's heartstrings, like dandelion flowers being tugged by the wind that wished to send them to a hidden sanctuary. Slowly but deeply, the lullaby began to take Ai back to the night before, when he, Reiji, Ranmaru and Natsuki were all sitting down in the living room, when the latter quietly revealed that Camus had cried.

_"It was the most broken... t-that I have ever seen Myu-chan... I've never seen h-him so scared... It was so, so painful... to see him like that... to hear him blame himself like t-that."_

Ai remembered how he had tightened his fingers around Natsuki's hand as the innocent blond tried to hold his tears back, only for his voice to crack audibly as those tears glistened amidst the shattered emotions in his green eyes and trickled down his cheeks like raindrops.

_"H-He said he hurt me... when t-that wasn't true... at all. Myu-chan w-would never!"_

Like a winter that wished to glisten but caused hands to quiver in its cold, Camus had inadvertently frozen Natsuki's hand and arm over while he remained fast asleep. And once he had discovered what had occurred, he had shattered and even attempted to pull away when Natsuki held him in a pair of loving arms. It was the very image of a heart-wrenching déjà vu, for the self-blame, emotional anguish and shattering had all occurred before except that the roles between the members of the quintet had been different. At this very moment, the person that they were trying to save was Camus, who had never failed to remain by their sides during their darkest times. And with gestures and emotions that were louder than simply words...

_"And he asked me to sing him a l-lullaby..."_

He was the one wishing to be saved.

_"To fill h-his frozen heart... when his heart w-wasn't frozen at all..."_

Ai did not understand the lyrics because they were in French, but his heart knew that the meaning interlacing the words was a precious one. From the way that Natsuki gently moved the bow across the strings to the cadence of his hushed voice, Ai could see how and why Camus had been moved when the younger blond sang this lullaby to him the night before. It was sung with the silent yet powerful and resonating wish to protect. To protect, save and love Camus regardless of anything, just like Camus would do for all of them. While it was a lullaby by nature, the way that Natsuki was playing and singing the song gently allowed it to pass off as a ballad as well, for it was slow and sentimental and moving all in one. Letting out his breath as silently as possible in order to not break the moment, Ai turned to Camus and smiled softly when he saw the serene and tender gaze in the older blond's blue eyes. 

It was an expression that was not only relieving to see, but also one that brought warmth seeping into the heart, especially after the ordeals that Camus had endured and was still enduring. It was an expression that Ai definitely would not mind- no, would sincerely love to see Camus make more often. Unshed tears peered from the corners of those blue eyes and with his lips easing into a faint smile, Ai reached out and gently brushed the tears away with his thumb. _You often say the sentence, 'Your wish is my command.'_ Camus was slightly startled for a moment, his eyes widening slightly, but his face soon relaxed as a smiling Reiji gave him a gentle pat on the back and Ranmaru and Natsuki who looked up from the viola both smiled warmly. _But this time..._

Alexander, who was snuggling on Camus lap, raised his head to face his owner with bright eyes and a heart that was more than prepared to give him anything.

_Your wishes are ours to fulfil. Every single one of them._

With a few seconds of allowing the cadence to slowly soften like the gentle falling of flower petals, Natsuki ended the song gracefully, a sincere smile glimmering in his kind green eyes as the music faded away. Beaming softly as Alexander let out a couple of happy barks, Reiji hopped off the bed and pulled Natsuki by the hand, leading him to where they were all sitting. "That was incredibly beautiful, Nattsun... If I didn't know better, I would have thought it was meant to be a ballad too!" Ai nodded in agreement as he smiled faintly and Ranmaru grinned and tousled Natsuki's blond hair. When Natsuki faced Camus, much to everyone's surprise, the latter took him by the hand and pulled him into a tight hug. Wrapping his arms around Natsuki, Camus closed his eyes and leaned his head against the younger boy's shoulder, serenity shrouding his expression like white fog. Although initially surprised, Natsuki smiled warmly with a few chuckles and hugged Camus back as Ai, Reiji, Ranmaru and Alexander inched closer to the blond duo.

_It is rare for you to be the initiator of hugs._

Ranmaru placed a hand on Camus' shoulder while Reiji laughed softly and wrapped his arms around Natsuki from behind. Ai soothingly ran his hand up and down Camus' back and quietly relished in this moment of warm brotherly affection as Alexander leaned his head against Camus' side.

 _But you do know that you can initiate them with us anytime you wish, right?_ Ai's heart softened. _I sincerely hope you do..._

"Before last night, I never had a lullaby sung to me."

Camus' quiet voice pulled him out of his thoughts and slowly, Ai felt his eyes beginning to widen as the words were carefully registered inside his mind. _Camus...?_ Ranmaru and Reiji froze while Alexander relinquished a few sad, knowing whimpers. Natsuki widened his eyes slightly, but a sad smile soon reached his eyes as he whispered Camus' nickname. Based on how much less surprised Natsuki was compared to the rest of the quintet besides Camus himself, Ai could deduce that this particular fact was one of the things that had been privately confided in the kind blond the night before. Heaving out a long, quiet sigh, Camus allowed his own eyes to flutter open, revealing slight pain glimmering in pale blue, and continued.

"Not that I could expect even one, even in my earliest years. The woman who gave birth to me was reportedly heard to shout, 'Now I'm free!' the day I was born and while she had an illness, seeing my face aggravated her condition. The man who was connected to her through me merely saw me as the legitimate son; the heir to his royal position. Both were glad when I was born, but not because of love - there was not even a speck of it, for that matter. Even though I do not recall much of my childhood, I can say for certain that I have never been cradled in my parents' arms, never called 'son' or by name earnestly from their hearts, never sung to sleep or been on the receiving end of their love. Neither was I able to give them happiness not by formal titles but by just simply... being a child who was given life by them. I could not."

Camus exhaled softly, his hand gripping the back of Natsuki's loose baby blue sweater, as the sound of that breath alone echoed alongside the cold sadness welling up inside Ai's heart like water that was on the verge of being frozen over.

"You could say that for more than two decades, I have been carrying in my heart a void that neither of them wished to or would ever fill. And even as I suppressed the pain that lingered inside that same void... the numbness did inevitably hurt, nevertheless."

Ranmaru Kurosaki

Ranmaru knew that there must have been a reason why Camus never mentioned his own biological family. He knew that as private as Camus was, what he chose to say and not say was both meticulous and deliberate - that was exactly how intelligent that Permafrost count was. And in his heart, Ranmaru knew that Camus' family situation was anything but okay, that it must have lacked closeness as much as it was deprived of affection. However, as Camus slowly revealed to them what he had left concealed and buried within himself, Ranmaru could feel his own heart crack deeply like ice as his free hand clenched into a fist that threatened to quiver. He, as well as Reiji, Ai and Natsuki, had been entirely right all along... except that the truth was much, much _worse_ than they had expected.

Every other member of this group, including Ranmaru himself, had, at the very least, some form of genuine affection in their respective childhoods, even if closeness was not really there in their biological families. While he was an only child, Natsuki had two parents who loved and cared about him more than anything. While his father had abandoned the family when he was still a child, Reiji's mother and sister did look after and out for him, even if they, especially the former, were strict to him. Ai may not have a biological family, but he had Hakase who saw him and loved him as he was and did not see him as a replacement for Aine. Ranmaru may have never been close to his mother, sister or late father, but they were an actual family that did have love, kindness and empathy for one another, even if it was rarely seen or noticed. But from everything that he was telling all of them right now, Camus... he never had any of that when it came to his own biological family. Not even a drop of it was ever there. 

"One could say that it is not an entirely bad thing that she never held me in her arms even while I was still an infant."

While unveiling his past to them piece by piece, Camus had broken the hug so that he could directly face all of them. As his hand remained wrapped around Natsuki's, Camus let out a mirthless chuckle, his ice-blue eyes filled with true pain.

"Because that would mean that the first time someone other than the royal doctor held me was devoid of any form of genuine affection. For rather than holding a child in her arms, she would have seen it as holding a burden from which she was finally free from. As cynical as it may sound... perhaps that fact on its own was a blessing in disguise... was it not?"

Ranmaru's fist was trembling as the emotions burned and seared in his heart like ashes and his right hand wrapped itself around Camus' shoulder even tighter at the sound of those quiet voice that could no longer hide its anguish. As calm as Camus still somehow managed to sound, Ranmaru knew more than anything that he was suffering deeply. Coupled with his poor health condition and exhaustion from idol work, his emotional torture, including the memories of what he could never alter, had caused him to not only collapse, but also shatter apart into tears. He was strong, but way too stubborn for his own freaking good. Ranmaru hated thinking of all the years that Camus had gone without ever given the chance of knowing what love was like, of ever allowing himself to be held in a pair of arms that would never let him fall. As much as his personal family situation had been messed up in its own twisted and broken way... Ranmaru felt pain and nausea constrict his insides at the thought of how much lonelier and darker Camus' earliest years had been.

_Of course I can't disagree with you on this. As cruel as it may sound, it's better to not be held rather than be held by people who do not want to, let alone do not care about you at all. But this is not one of the times when I'm gonna open my mouth and say it. And it's not because you already know this - you know me too freaking well to not know..._

Ranmaru remembered how he had squeezed his own eyes shut too tightly when he was holding Camus in his arms, his own heart alight with flames of sheer agony that only grew with gales of grief as tears drenched the fabric over his shoulder. And even if he could not see the future, he knew that the memory would never fail to burn like painful sparks each time he recalled it, regardless how much time went by.

 _But because outright sayin' that you're right about it will just hurt ya even more, and just like everyone else in this room, I don't want that. As much as we disagree on nearly everythin', I'd_ never _want that._

"However... while there are numerous factors that I can never have control over, more than two decades that have passed by and I can never wish to undo or alter, I will confess to those painful absences and memories leading to serendipities," Camus continued after pausing for a few moments and letting out a deep sigh, his eyes lowered and glimmering with emotion. "Serendipities that I would never cease to remember or hold close to me."

His fingers intertwining with the hand he was holding a bit tighter, Camus raised his head and his expression softened as he faced Natsuki.

"And one of them is the first lullaby that was ever sung to me. Even though two decades of never being on the receiving end of one have passed, it was sincerely worth the fact that the first person who sang me a lullaby... sang it out of unconditional love."

Camus smiled gently as Natsuki's green eyes welled up with tears and warm emotions.

"You have no idea how blissful I was knowing that even as I cried while being cradled in your arms, Shinomiya. You sang not because it was an obligation or out of reluctance, pity or anything superficial. You sang because you earnestly wished to, because you wholeheartedly meant it when you said that I could ask you for anything. At the sight of that warm earnestness, I found myself unable to hold back any longer... and I am grateful that I did not."

Ranmaru felt tears building up in his own eyes as Camus exhaled a shaky breath, the latter placing a free hand over his own chest as he looked around at everyone.

"Because as much as I was at my most vulnerable state... it is that vulnerability that allows you to understand what it means to be touched in the innermost part of you, to grasp onto a warmth that would never be felt if... one was never known to coldness. That... was what all of you taught me... was it not?"

_"Is the reason people wish for spring (Melty)_

_Because they grew accustomed to the cold wind? I didn't understand it_

_But now I understand a little (Melty)_

_Dreams are lights, I want to give warmth as well"_

\- "Melting of Snow", by Camus (Tomoaki Maeno)


	61. Double Face

Camus

The butterfly was a silent liar.

It uttered vain words in vain. It crossed fingers with a hand safe in a deep, dark pocket. Its wings appeared to scintillate as they flickered but were concealing their hollow yet wavering life. It gave a perfected smile that charmed the viewers but hid a dark and hazy perspective. It was as vulnerable as it was the essence of cowardice, hiding its flaws behind insincere perfection. Blunt yet dishonest. Calm while concealing a blizzard. Soundless with an amplifying shatter. All of it was that fractured butterfly that bore the colour of ice.

As the butterfly lied alone in the puddles of the dying winter, it was no longer able to conceal its weaknesses and flaws as the white lampposts' glow fell upon its shattered wings. It had claimed to be completely pristine, but the broken cadence of its wings told a different story. It had asserted that it was undisturbed, but it was unable to soar with its body trapped under the heavy rain amidst pitch darkness. It had displayed no issue with switching between different personas, but the side that it had hidden behind layers of lies and facades had unveiled itself on the clear surface of the mirror that told no lies, displaying the cracks that could never be seen from afar. 

If Camus were to be honest, he knew that he was one of the two best at telling lies to other people if he were to compare himself with the members of the quintet. Ai would place third; Ranmaru's temper and shortage of patience would give him away; and Natsuki did not have even the slightest bit of heart to lie to anyone. That left Camus and Reiji, but while the latter was admittedly a master at utilizing red herrings and such to avert other people's eyes from what he did not wish to reveal, Camus believed that he himself was the most guilty even if they were at the same level. All five of them had deeper, broken sides to themselves, regardless if they had intentionally concealed them or unknowingly suppressed them. Each time that broken side rose to the surface, there had been shatters and tears amidst the heart-wrenching anguish and grief. Releasing something that had been kept in silence for a painstaking long period of time was neither easy nor painless, and it had never been easy in any of their cases. And now it was Camus' turn as he sat on his own king size bed with Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru, Natsuki and Alexander, warm tears threatening to slip from his eyes as his lips curved into a weak smile.

_I am that butterfly. I am the silent liar._

It was simply factual. Factual and honest, both that he had completely been throughout every moment of this somewhat-unorthodox sleepover that he got to share with everyone in this room. And that included now as he curled his fingers around Natsuki's own marginally tighter, his heart squeezing in a chest devoid of even the slightest intent to lie. 

_After changing colours, the butterfly is now dyed in my colour, now belonging to a heart that has told countless of lies whether through words or silence. More prideful than the red butterfly, more secretive than the lavender butterfly, darker than the green butterfly, more lost than the yellow butterfly._

The butterfly, that exact same butterfly that had appeared in his broken dreams, flashed inside his head like those near blinding lampposts, with an ice-blue colour so bright that it could have been mistaken as a terrifying white, as he relinquished another colourless breath that could barely be heard.

_And now it can no longer hide._

Yet like a warm voice calling out to him, the lullaby that Natsuki had sung for him echoed with pure tenderness in his head, reaching for him and tugging him forward.

_Neither does it have the will to._

"Last night, before Shinomiya and Alexander woke me up, I was trapped in a broken dream. A dream with elements that have been recurring throughout the past few weeks, whether in my dreams or thoughts."

Camus felt his own chest fall, akin to the snow under a night sky, as a quiet breath escaped his lips.

"Do you recall the metaphorical butterfly that was to be presented in our main project's story line?"

"Yep," Reiji answered as Natsuki and Ai nodded and Ranmaru grunted, his grey eyes as soft as his voice. "The butterfly that was terrifyingly close to reaching spring only to fall onto the puddles of winter's melted snow. That had wings that flickered alone under a single lamppost and was beautiful yet was unseen in the dark."

Reiji paused for a moment, his expression turning sorrowful.

"It resonated with you painfully, didn't it... Myu-chan?"

"Much more painfully than I ever would have expected." Somehow the confession easily slipped from between his lips as Camus looked the brunet directly in the eye, as sincere as it caused his heart to ache. He heaved out a quiet sigh, painfully aware of the cold sorrow clouding his chest. "That night I nearly froze Shinomiya over, I dreamt of that same butterfly. There, it began as the colour of winter's snow. Lying on the puddles of melted snow, as its wings quivered under the light, the colour began to change. I heard a voice speaking out a description of the colour. A description including cold words such as _deceitful_ , _heartless_ , _apathetic_ , _soulless_. Words that a frozen heart could not deny truthfully, words that I... could not entirely disagree with, especially when represented by that cold blue colour on those shattered wings."

Camus tightened his hand around his chest where a throbbing heart could be felt.

"After all, I, precisely like that butterfly, am a sincere liar. I can thoroughly admit that now."

"Camus... while you ain't perfect, you aren't any of those words that you just said."

As Alexander whimpered, Ranmaru draped his arm over Camus' shoulder and shook his head with emotions blazing amidst the tears in his heterochromatic eyes.

"Granted, I am the one who kept expressing annoyance and such regarding that butler persona of yours, whether through rolling my eyes, gritting my teeth and any other gesture you can name. And I still feel a prick of annoyance when you speak with that butler tone from time to time when you're doing your job as an idol; I'd much rather hear your normal, demanding tone over that. But I ain't making trash up when I say that you're _not_ a deceitful person." He gritted his teeth as a lone tear slipped down his left cheek. "Neither are you all those other words that the voice in your dream called you. And I know for a fact that Reiji, Ai, Natsuki and Alexander are with me on this. Right, all of you?"

"Telling lies is not the same as your entire person being a liar," Reiji told Camus, smiling gently as he patted the blond on the back. "I know that I am the last person in this room who sounds convincing and believable saying that, considering what you all know about me. But even if it sounds hypocritical, I mean it; I have long stopped caring about sounding hypocritical when it comes to being there for the people I love the most. Whether to others or themselves, there isn't a single person in this room, in this world, who has never told a single lie. Besides, even if we don't say it, we know that all of you, including the butler idol you act as for your fans, including the Camus we see now, is the real you. Our dear, lovable Myu-chan."

"How could anyone say that you are heartless when you feel and convey, as well as understand, a myriad of genuine emotions such as sadness, anger, pain and love? That you are apathetic when you have taken an immeasurable amount of time to understand our thoughts and feelings as you remained by your side? That you are soulless when inside of you resides an inimitable soul belonging to a person glowing with utmost radiance that shines for everyone he wishes to look out for?"

Ai spoke with a soft voice, his eyes reflecting a tender smile as he reached out and gently wiped the tears near the corners of Camus' eyes away with his thumb.

"When you have always been there to assuage our fears when we were the ones who believed those cruel thoughts about ourselves?"

"You have saved us and protected us so many times, with the different sides of yourself, whether when it was just us or there were other people there too."

Natsuki smiled warmly as he quietly intertwined his other hand with Camus' free hand, now holding both of the latter's hands with a gentle yet firm grip.

"Just like in all the interviews where interviewers and the other guests tried to hurt any of us and while you remained calm, your words were warning and strong, all to make sure that no one hurt us. No matter which side of yourself you showed, you were always, always there to protect all of us."

"You never let any of us fend for ourselves on our own or took the backseat," Ranmaru agreed, his lips slanting into a lopsided grin. "Even as polite and smiley that butler persona of yours is, you were as subtle as you were cold when you decided that someone's crossed the line. I remember as clear as day that one time an interviewer literally paled when ya switched from the butler persona to your normal self as a warning when she mocked Reiji. Duality at its finest, that's for sure."

"And when you backed an interviewer against the wall with your sceptre when he purposely tripped Nattsun in the corridor," Reiji added with a light smile as he tightened his arm around Camus. "Oh, and we could never forget that time you stopped Ran-Ran from throwing punches only to get revenge through the virtual fencing duel when a group of idols mocked all five of us as a whole. You really made your mark back there!"

"And there are countless more instances other than the ones that have been mentioned," Ai stated as Alexander barked softly, the dog's black eyes filled with soft emotions. He looked down at the dog and laughed softly. "I am certain that Alexander has numerous memories of how protective and selfless his owner is as well - the contentment in his eyes says it all - as much as I am absolutely sure that there are even times that you looked out for us when we were not physically present to witness it."

"Even if you do not realize or understand it, you are earnestly kind, Myu-chan."

Natsuki told Camus softly, squeezing his hands.

"Say, Myu-chan... do you remember what you said to me the night before when you wanted me to sing you a lullaby? About your heart being frozen?"

_"Can you sing... and fill the void of my frozen heart?"_

"I do, Shinomiya."

Camus nodded briefly, the words echoing deeply inside his aching head, his voice silent.

"I asked if you could fill the void of my frozen heart, and you, in turn, assured me that my heart was not frozen. I had not asked you then, but I have become rather curious as to why you think that." Camus looked directly into Natsuki's green eyes. "Why do you adamantly believe that my heart is not a frozen one?"

"Because if your heart was truly frozen, Myu-chan..."

Natsuki's green eyes eased into a pure smile as they glistened.

"I would never have been able to hear a heartbeat radiating from you." Natsuki's voice was quiet and gentle. "That strong, kind and rhythmic heartbeat that I have been able to hear from the moment that we met for the first time. I wouldn't have been able to hear anything if your heart had been frozen, Myu-chan, but I could hear it, as warm as it was powerful, from a heart that is as kind as it is unwavering."

Camus' eyes slowly widened at those quiet, earnest words. _Shinomiya..._ Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ranmaru and Ai smiling warmly, and Reiji beamed and nodded in agreement as Alexander barked happily. _Kurosaki, Mikaze, Kotobuki, Alexander... All five of you believe that?_ He knew that everyone was sincerely kind, but even so... it was somewhat overwhelming to be on the receiving end of those warm words. His heart thumping in his chest, he faced Natsuki again and inquired quietly.

"From the moment we met for the first time, you say?"

"Yep," Natsuki confirmed, smiling warmly. "It was the day Cecil-kun was introduced to the Master Course. And when you used your ice magic to freeze everything and you leaped down from the top of the staircase."

His eyes widened at the last sentence, at the memory of that rather... dramatic entrance. Vividly knowing what was to come, Camus hardly had any room to be surprised when he heard the first laugh crack through the peaceful air, coming from none other than-

"I ain't a mind reader, but I know for a fact that I can't be the only one who went, _What on literal earth_ , when I found out about _that_ , whatever that was!"

Ranmaru burst out laughing and shook his head rapidly as Reiji spluttered with laughter and Ai smiled in amusement.

"Reading about it in Natsuki's diary was hilarious as it is, but seriously, what made you think that grand entrance was a good idea, Camus?" Ranmaru exclaimed, slapping Camus on the back of the head. "Freezing the living room over, jumping into the air from the top of one of the stairwells, and then skidding past and to the whole lot of the kouhais? Oh God... for someone so sophisticated, that was real comedic ridiculousness, you know! To the point that I wished I could see that!"

"Out of coincidence, Reiji, Ranmaru and I were in the garden area rather than the mansion's interiors while this particular occurrence fell into place," Ai remarked, his teal eyes thoughtful, "which is quite a shame as that would have been quite the unforgettable sight." Camus laughed as well, unable to refute that particular statement. "I am certain that witnessing the juniors' reactions would have been worthwhile too."

"Myu-chan, can you do a repeat of that day now?" Reiji asked, grinning hopefully as he shook Camus on the shoulder. "Please, Myu-chan?"

Folding his arms, Camus smirked slightly. "No."

"W-Wha- Why not?"

"That was a one-time-only occurrence." Camus' lips curled more as he teased a protesting Reiji. "You, Kurosaki and Mikaze were simply unfortunate to be elsewhere."

"Not even a late encore?"

"No."

"But-"

"Your pouting face is doing you no favours, Kotobuki."

"But Myu-chan!"

"If we continue the Truth or Dare game that we were playing earlier and Myu-chan chooses 'Dare', you can request for him to do what he did that day, right?" Natsuki commented with a reassuring smile. He tilted his head slightly as his eyes widened a little. "Or... is it against the rules?"

"Oh yeah, there was that game!" Ranmaru snapped his fingers, grinning widely. "Thanks for that shot of reality, kiddo! As long as one of us gets to be the one requesting, there is no escape for Camus, alright! Nice thinking, Natsuki!"

"How bold of you to be the one to pinpoint that detail, Shinomiya," Camus stated, a small smirk playing at his lips as he tightened his grip on Natsuki's hands. Natsuki's eyes widened in surprise and confusion. "I sure hope that you are prepared to take responsibility if those words become reality."

"E-Ehh? But-"

"Or wanna fast forward taking responsibility to right now?" Ranmaru teased, glancing at Camus.

"How traitorous of you, Kurosaki." Camus smirked as Ai chuckled and Reiji grinned. "However, I suppose I can let it slide considering that it is in my favour."

"I sincerely hope you are ready, Natsuki."

"Ready for what, Ai-chan-"

"A big cuddle party, alright!"

"Yes- Wait, what? Reiji-"

"On 3! 1, 2, 3!"

Camus found himself laughing deeply as Reiji and Ranmaru pounced onto a chuckling Natsuki, with Ai following right behind them with quiet laughs. Soon the hands that had been holding his pulled Camus forward and the latter laughed as he fell onto the bed between Natsuki and Reiji, the pillows and plushies now scattered across the soft mattress. Even as prim and proper as he was compared to everyone else in this quintet, he willingly decided to let everything be as it was as Natsuki wrapped his arms around Camus and Ranmaru; Ai leaned against Ranmaru; and Reiji hugged Camus from behind. He would be lying if he said that he wished for them to stop, and of all the lies that he could ever wish to tell, this was not one of them. Just like how the butterfly in the darkness wished to touch an unending, earnest spring, so did he, more than anything, and this... this was that spring.

_The spring that the lone child in Silk Palace never thought he would ever touch... The spring that the butterfly had been excruciatingly close to making contact with only to collapse directly onto the remnants of winter's snow... Even when I did not expect to... I am now a part of that spring, rather than merely within the season itself._

Camus sighed contentedly as he placed his right hand above Natsuki's and pulled Reiji closer with his left arm, a peaceful smile forming on his face as Alexander snuggled between the two blonds of the group.

_This is... our spring._

"This, I have to confess, is the exact reason why I wished for Shinomiya to sing the same lullaby whilst playing the viola."

A hushed silence seeped through the warm atmosphere as Camus glanced at Ai, Ranmaru and Natsuki on his right and Alexander and Reiji on his left, with all five of his closest companions giving him attentive expressions. Gazing up at the warm lamps of the ceiling, he exhaled a colourless breath and spoke again.

"It is because I wished for the second lullaby sung for me to be in the presence of everyone who is dearest to me," Camus confessed, his lips relaxing into a warm smile. "A delicately earnest lullaby sung out of unconditional love with all of you here with me. All of you who did not ever judge me or coerce me to be anything or anyone I was not. For accepting and embracing all the multifarious sides of me, of the Camus that I am. Even when I was cold, even when I lacked empathy and struggled to give kindness, even when I held up my walls, you cared about me with utmost sincerity, and it is something that not even my biological family ever spared a thought of doing for me." He relinquished a quiet sigh, the sound as unrestrained as it was light. "Pondering over the pain of what I lacked and never got to touch had made me suffer, but now I think of what I do have, what I am privileged to share with all of you. And now that butterfly... it has reached spring."

He squeezed the hand that he was holding as he felt the arms around him tighten and hold him close, the rhythm of his heartbeat gentle and steady as everyone's smiles warmed this precious memory, this earnest melody, of the season that they were all sharing and a part of. A tear trickled down his left cheek and his smile softened with the emotions in his voice.

"With all that I am, I am in spring. Our spring."

Cecil Aijima

"The food in that Spanish restaurant was super delish! I'd love to go back there again!"

"Ikki's got that right," Ren agreed with a light grin, ruffling Otoya's red hair. His grin widened. "Told you you wouldn't regret trying something other than your usual veggies for once, Icchi."

"For once, I will not deny it." Sighing, Tokiya smiled slightly as Syo and Cecil laughed. "Do not expect many exceptions in the future, however, Ren. Habits are, after all, habits for a reason."

"As expected of Ichinose." Masato chuckled.

"That's our Tokiya!"

It was a warm, sunny afternoon. The six STARISH members were chattering as they walked along the hallways of the building where they and QUARTET NIGHT were scheduled for a photo shoot. As part of the current STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project, the two idol groups' newest assignment was to each create a special bundle as a heartwarming gift for all the fans that had supported them until now. The bundles were to include new song covers, family photos of the group members, and other bonuses such as messages and small gifts. Smiling happily, Cecil found his heart brimming with excitement as he thought of the themes that he and his band members had all agreed on, with each group being allowed to coordinate the shoot themselves, knowing that this was going to be a bright, fantastic shoot. 

_But it's not just our shoot that I'm looking forward to_ , Cecil thought, laughing as Otoya slung an arm around him with a blithe smile. _I would love to see what Natsuki and the rest of QUARTET NIGHT have planned for this. Whatever it is, I know that it is nothing short of amazing._

Cecil was careful to not let the names of the QUARTET NIGHT members slip from his tongue, knowing that certain band members of his would not take it well. However, it did not stop him from smiling as he glanced around, wondering if those five had arrived yet.

 _And I haven't seen Camus for a while now, ever since he fell sick._ His heart turned worried at the memory of discovering that his assigned mentor had collapsed. _I can't help but worry, but I do know that he has been taken good care of by Natsuki, Reiji-senpai, Ai-senpai and Ranmaru-senpai, and the four of them wouldn't be allowing him to get back to work if he was not okay._

Masato glared when Ren began teasing him, and Tokiya began to lecture the orange-haired saxophonist as Syo and Otoya sighed. Cecil smiled awkwardly with a few chuckles.

_I guess a part of me wants to actually see him in person... Camus is someone I care about, after all._

"Natsuki, lift him up."

"I did not agree to such-"

"Now, Maru-chan?"

"Yeap!"

"Wait a- Natsuki!"

"And up you go, our dear Myu-chan!"

Laughter and protests rang inside the atmosphere and Cecil's eyes widened at those familiar voices and the chaos. Without sparing a thought, Cecil walked even faster, taken over by his emotions of surprise and curiosity, and turned the corner, only for his heart to thud in utter shock and bewilderment at the unorthodox sight. The members of QUARTET NIGHT were at the other end of the corridor, most likely heading towards the waiting room, but while Cecil knew that the five of them were extremely close to one another, this was not at all the sight he expected to ever see. Natsuki was _carrying_ _Camus_ in his arms without any form of strain or burden, his green eyes glistening behind his glasses as he beamed and chuckled. Ranmaru was guffawing as he gave Camus a hard pat on the shoulder and kept his arm draped over the shoulders of a smiling Ai. Reiji was smiling brightly and laughing with a hand on Natsuki's back and a thumbs-up sign raised up into the air while Camus' pet dog, Alexander, was scuttling next to him with a few happy barks. However, the one thing that stunned Cecil the most was how _relenting_ Camus was. 

If Camus truly did not wish to be carried like this, he would not hesitate to smack Reiji or Ranmaru with his sceptre by now - he would never do that to Ai or Natsuki. However, even though he had been protesting before being lifted up into Natsuki's arms, Camus was not actively making any attempt to get back onto his feet or trying to convince them to put him down. And- Cecil's eyes dilated. _Wait. Is Camus_ smiling _?_ Cecil was unsure whether to panic or believe that he was somehow hallucinating or imagining things as he felt a hand place itself on his shoulder and heard Ren asking if he was alright. But when he heard someone - most likely Syo - spit out their drink and Masato cough, he knew that he had definitely not gone mad. But still...

 _Is this really_ Camus _?_

"Oh. It appears that you came early as well, STARISH."

Cecil felt his mouth hang open at the sound of Ai's calm, even voice as all of QUARTET NIGHT, including Camus, faced STARISH. Ai sounded like everything was normal when it clearly was not! And it was not just Ai; all of them were looking at STARISH as though Camus was not literally being held in Natsuki's arms like a groom holding his bride! Cecil knew as much as all of them that Natsuki carried the people he loved in his arms in that bridal-style manner, but still, the fact that it was Camus that he was carrying... 

... _that_ was considered _normal_ to all five of them? 

"Why are all of you staring, Aijima, peasants?"

Camus spoke, furrowing his eyebrows as his eyes met Cecil's.

"We are all sane, are we not?"

"W-We apologize for staring, Camus-senpai," Masato stuttered, bowing deeply and awkwardly as Ren tried to stifle a laugh and Otoya panicked slightly. "It was completely unintentional. However... I believe I speak for all of us when I say that..."

Tokiya rubbed his left temple as Syo's eyes remained nearly bulging.

"This... is a rather unusual sight to behold."

"Ah, you mean Nattsun carrying Myu-chan, right?"

Reiji laughed, his eyes bright with mirth.

"It's all in good fun in the chaos and colours that light up this quintet called QUARTET NIGHT! And we're gonna pour everything we've got into today's shoot too! What you're looking at is this quintet at its natural habitat, Hijirin! As crazy and bright as it is, it is all natural!"

"It's because we are with one another that we can smile and laugh like this, all while doing countless different things together, just like now."

Natsuki smiled warmly as he adjusted his hold on Camus.

"And Alexander-kun is joining us for the photo shoot too." Alexander barked happily and Natsuki's smile softened. "The main theme for this shoot is 'family.' But whether outside or inside the photo shoot, we are a family. A family that loves one another."

"Even if we have the craziest ways of showing it," Ranmaru added with a crooked grin, resting his elbow against Ai's shoulder.

"So if you will excuse us," Camus stated as the quintet began walking again, Alexander following suit, "Natsuki, Ranmaru, Ai, Reiji, Alexander and I need to prepare for today's activities."

"Both of our groups have about 45 minutes of preparation," Ai added. "See you in 45 minutes, STARISH."

"Bye, Cecil-kun, Ren-kun, guys!"

"Bye-bye, my dear kouhais!"

"See ya."

"B-Bye, Natsuki, Rei-chan, senpais!"

"Looking forward to seeing more unorthodox scenes from you guys, Ran-chan."

"Oh zip it, Ren."

"Mikaze-san has a point," Tokiya noted, starting to make his way towards the opposite direction. "We need to change clothes and go over the ideas again. All of them appear to be well prepared and that is precisely what we need to be as well."

"You're right, Tokiya!" Otoya chimed in, flashing a sunny smile. "Now I'm way more excited for our shoot! It's going to be tons of fun!"

"You really are a ball of energy, Otoya."

"I'm just super happy, that's all!"

"That's the Ittoki we know."

"You still look like you're seeing flowers appear out of nowhere, Cesshi," Ren remarked in a half-murmur, chuckling as he wrapped an arm around Cecil with Otoya, Tokiya and Syo beginning to head in the direction of STARISH's waiting room. Masato stayed with Cecil and Ren with a curious expression on his face. "You alright?"

"Is it just me or is Camus very different now?"

"Well, him consenting to being carried by Shinomiya and being unfazed by us witnessing it was rather strange-"

"And he called all of his band members by their first names."

"It is not the first time he ever-"

"He used his normal voice instead of his butler voice," Cecil interjected, his thoughts finally pieced together now that he had recovered from his utter shock. That was when Masato's eyes widened in realization and Ren stroked his chin thoughtfully. "When using his deep voice, he calls all of us by our last names. That's the first time I have ever heard him call anyone among us by their first names personally. The last time I saw him, he was still calling Natsuki, Reiji-senpai and the others by their last names. And I could tell from the way he sounded that this was not an accident, Ren, Masato."

Turning to the direction into which all of QUARTET NIGHT and Alexander had disappeared, Cecil felt his heart pulsate with a newly-found warmth as his lips curved into a true smile.

"Camus... he is finally letting their warmth fully reach into him, isn't he?"

"When we crossed paths during work, Mikaze-senpai did mention that he, Kotobuki-senpai, Kurosaki-senpai and Shinomiya had all been looking after Camus-senpai throughout the duration of his ill condition."

Masato smiled slightly at Cecil.

"I believe that Camus-senpai falling ill was perhaps a blessing in disguise. I do not know what occurred between the QUARTET NIGHT members, but he is clearly less rigid and more open-minded now. Much more so than before."

"Couldn't have said it better, Cesshi, Hijirikawa."

Ren wrapped an arm around Cecil and grinned.

"That's QUARTET NIGHT for you. An unconventional, amazing family of five who unconditionally support one another, to the point that it was impossible for even Baron to hold back any longer."

As the three of them exchanged smiles, Otoya and Syo suddenly called out to them, telling them to be faster. Chuckling, Ren patted Cecil on the back and they and Masato began heading in the direction to STARISH's waiting room, in front of which Otoya, Syo and Tokiya were all waiting. _Camus is and feels warmer now._ Although he had been utterly shocked, Cecil now knew for sure that he had not been imagining it when he saw Camus' lips perk up into a contented smile as the Permafrost count allowed himself to be carried in the arms of his dear friend whom he trusted. _He is not ashamed for it to be let known just how much he loves and cares about Natsuki, Reiji-senpai, Ranmaru-senpai and Ai-senpai._

Camus was extremely rigid. Rigid, strict, unafraid, harsh and independent amongst so many other things amidst his layers of complexity. But after all this time of knowing him, Cecil was finally seeing Camus wear his heart on his sleeve so openly and without a shred of reluctance or shame, now officially calling the people dearest to him by their first names rather than their surnames, now allowing himself to be more relaxed when with them.

_He is letting himself be more honest and sincere now. With and for them._

Cecil looked over his shoulder and beamed at the thoughts welling up inside his head like warm sunshine. The warm sunshine that Camus got to be on the receiving end of now that he was in the company of people who loved him deeply and infinitely.

_You deserve to be free, Camus. You really do, and I... I couldn't be more happy that you are._

Ai Mikaze

Droplets of cold rain showered down the black sky like transparent falling stars, flashing and glistening against the bright glows of the row of white lampposts. A myriad of ripples appeared and disappeared on the puddles over which the rain dribbled over as the leaves of treetops swayed with the cadence of the howling, haunting wind. Adjusting the collar of his white shirt, Ai smiled faintly as he watched Camus saunter towards one of the lampposts with calm, measured footsteps that could only be heard because of the splashing of water, the older blond holding a black umbrella over his head. The five of them were filming the new story arc of their main project. Right now, the scene that they were filming was the part in which Camus' character, after reaching an epiphany with the rest of the quintet, returned to a place that was held a deep, resonating meaning in his heart. 

_"You did not just shield us with an umbrella; you gave us a glowing sky with a beautiful rainbow. You did not just give us a drop of colour; you gave us wings that flickered in a kaleidoscope like none other. You did not just listen to our wishes; you gave everything to fulfil them like they were yours too. So now... can you please tell us what your wishes are? As many as they are, as colourful as they are... will you let us bring them to life?"_

Standing in different positions and waiting for their cues along with Ai were Reiji, Natsuki and Ranmaru, the three of them all away from the camera's view. Ai felt his smile softening as he noticed all the expressions in the three older males' eyes, the true smiles glistening together.

_"Even if it means going back to the pouring rain where you found us and our broken wings, we will with bright hearts stand in that same rain and draw you a glowing sky with the rainbow of the colours we gave one another. Our colours."_

As though it was fated from the beginning, which Ai and everyone else believed it was, Camus was the central character of this particular story arc. They had been taking turns throughout the entire project, with different story arcs especially focusing on different people among the five of them, and looking at this story arc that they had pieced together, with sincere smiles, all of them had agreed that this was meant to be Camus'. With the monologues that they had written echoing inside of Ai's head as the scene progressed, he felt warmth shroud his heart like gentle vapour as Camus stopped under the pool of white light and in a slow, silent motion, extended the back of his hand towards the lamppost. There, through the use of computer graphics in the digital video, an ice-blue butterfly was to appear and flutter in the cold rain and land on Camus' fingers. With a look of pure emotion, Camus smiled slightly as he raised his head up to gaze towards where the butterfly was to flicker and soar away with changing colours, from ice-blue to crimson to viridian to lavender and finally, to yellow before changing back to being ice-blue. As the rain continued to descend down the sky and ripple against the puddles, a soft smile slowly formed on Camus' face and that was when the instrumentals of a song were to begin to play, starting with the delicate cadence of a gentle piano.

_The keys of the piano are being delicately tapped, just like how a butterfly tiptoes along the leaves of a garden's flowers, the motion as simple as it is precious._

For two of the cover songs that they had made for the QUARTET NIGHT family bundle, the five of them had divided into two sub-units that each took one cover song to sing. Both cover songs had already been recorded in the studio and were to be featured in the videos for this story arc. And one of those cover songs was to be played in this scene and was seeping gently into Ai's head like the spring rainfall as Camus reverted back to staring straight ahead, his ice-blue eyes as calm as they were sheened with emotion as raindrops rolled down his cheeks.

_Tender, just like that song that was sung especially for you... "Dear Butterfly"._

Without so much as a warning, Camus swung an arm and his trench coat was tossed into the howling gales, fully revealing his loose, long-sleeved collared white shirt with an azure butterfly brooch, and the open black umbrella flew out of his hand, rippling across multifarious puddles like a dancer across waters. That was the part where two more instruments were to be played to life in the song, just like a butterfly spreading its wings about to take flight, and as gentle and sentimental as they were, their melodies, combined with that of the piano, were powerful.

_That lullaby that the two of you have transformed into a ballad for two. With the cello and the viola, with you and Natsuki..._

The memory of Natsuki and Camus giving each other warm smiles as they sang in pure, eloquent harmony together in the recording booth, with Ai, Reiji and Ranmaru watching with earnest pride from the other side of the glass, flickered inside his head like the light against the falling rain, like the colours of a butterfly's wings, and its emotions lingered on inside his heart as the director signalled at all the members of the quintet except for Camus that it was almost their cue. Ai nodded and Natsuki, Reiji and Ranmaru did the same.

_With a wish that has been brought to life._

The director nodded and the four of them immediately began walking towards Camus from their respective positions.

_A vibrant life._

"Myu-chan!"

"Camus!"

At the sound of all four of them calling out to him at the exact same time, Camus stiffened for a brief moment before turning around, only to be enveloped into a tight hug by Natsuki, who had broken into a sprint and was smiling warmly, from behind. His eyes widened, Camus was saying Natsuki's name when Reiji ran forward, joining the blond duo, and threw an arm around him with earnest laughter, his grey eyes glowing. Ai was the next to reach Camus, offering a sincere smile as he placed a hand on Reiji's back, with the brunet's smile brightening as he pulled Ai closer. Last but not least, Ranmaru, with his hands tucked into his black jeans' pockets, stepped towards the group, a lopsided grin on his face. Once he was directly in front of Camus, Ranmaru slapped the younger blond on the back of the head and tousled his platinum-blond hair, causing Camus to half-protest amidst earnest chuckles and halfhearted threats, the entire quintet sharing bright laughter in the pouring rain. 

_"Butterfly, dear butterfly..."_

Grinning, Reiji jumped up and down in a joking dance, tilting his blue fedora with a playful wink, and laughed as Natsuki chuckled, Ranmaru groaned, and Ai and Camus facepalmed. Ranmaru proceeded to swing his right foot across the puddles, causing waves to splash across the dark ground, akin to those of a faraway ocean, towards Camus and Natsuki, both whose eyes widened. While Natsuki laughed, Camus smirked and returned the favour by splashing rainwater towards Ranmaru and simultaneously, Reiji who yelped and laughed with half-protest. Shaking his head, Ai smiled and tried to mimic the movement only to fail as hardly a wave was formed, causing all of them to laugh again.

_"You, whose wings glisten and glow_

_As the sunlight smiles down at you_

_A warm spirit, a wandering child..."_

With a mischievous smirk, Camus suddenly lifted Natsuki up a few centimetres from the ground, causing the younger blond to cry out in surprise as everyone laughed. Smiling in amusement, Ai helped Camus carry Natsuki even higher by taking ahold of the latter's legs and raising them up, while Reiji grinned cheekily and tried to carry Ranmaru, causing the latter to shout in pure protest as he whacked the brunet on the head. Natsuki had sincerely been right when he said that there was a part of them that would always be children. _... children with wishes, hopes and smiles_ , he had said with a tender expression. _Children who wish to be looked out for, to be loved and cared for, even if they do not say it out loud._ And this very moment was not at all an exception, but a warm instance of innocence and emotions. 

When the director concluded the scene with a loud and satisfied "Cut!", Ai could feel his heart palpitating like the rhythmic cadence of a butterfly's wings, inside a chest that was not only inhaling and exhaling but also breathing with a sincere warmth that only grew alight in the pouring rain. A shoulder nudged his and he turned and found Camus facing him with a slight smile.

"Let us make our way to the tent, Ai."

Ai felt his lips soften into a sincere smile as he nodded and the five of them briskly walked towards the tent where they were to thank the directors and the staff members for their time before heading for the changing rooms. After they were done, all of them would go to their favourite Japanese hotpot restaurant for dinner, which they had agreed upon the day before. The way that Camus had addressed him by his first name using his normal, baritone voice was still somewhat new to him, but Ai did not ever wish for him to stop. Camus doing so brought a deeper sense of family welling up inside of Ai's heart and the latter knew that the blond calling everyone in this group by their first names rather than their surnames was filled with meaning. A meaning that all of them would unwaveringly treasure.

How does the rain amplify sadness? _was what I used to ask._

As he intertwined his fingers with Natsuki's, Ai looked over his shoulder and felt deep emotions tugging deeply at the strings of his heart at the resonating sight of the raindrops flashing in the white glow of the lampposts, under a sky that would eventually shine a rainbow.

 _But now I see..._ he smiled faintly, _that sadness is not the only thing that it amplifies._

Just like the glow of those lampposts with time, his smile grew warmer.

_It amplifies meaning._

_"You are never on your own, as bright as you are kind..."_

Camus

_How strange that the occurrence of déjà vu comes with such natural fluency in such ordinary circumstances._

A hint of a smile tugged at the corner of Camus' lips as he looked down at the music sheets in his hand.

_It was at a moment identical to now where I first noticed the throbbing of my head._

Sitting at his study desk, Camus relinquished a quiet sigh and took a sip of the French Earl Grey tea that Natsuki had brewed before setting the teacup down and glanced over at the window. It was a serene spring night after an eventful day of idol work. The crescent moon was glowing with an elegant white radiance that had a partial but distinct resemblance to the luminous lampposts that had shone in the pouring rain under a dusk-filled sky. With his right leg crossed over his left as he sat on his rolling chair, Camus silently relished in the night's atmosphere and adjusted his position as he recalled all that had happened throughout the past few weeks.

He had collapsed backstage due to failing to bear the physical and emotional strain that had been burdening him. He had been looked after by all four of his closest friends and his sole animal companion, all who were as precious as they were irreplaceable. He had broken down a number of times and they had never walked away regardless how many tears were falling. Being cradled affectionately in kind arms, being sung his first and second lullabies, divulging a frozen past that he had concealed for years, as well as sincerely calling anyone by their first names outside of his butler persona... those first times had all occurred within those weeks. And he would never regret any of it. Not even a single drop of it, be it the memories or the tears. He could never regret what he shared with them, after all. Them, who were his dearest family.

 _In my debut song, "Zettai Reido Emotion", I had sung '_... my frozen hand still has yet to understand the warmth of 'bonds'' _and asked for someone to teach it to me. You did not only teach me... You gave to me._

Camus felt the heart that had once been hollow pulsating with a sincere warmth that he neither could nor wished to deny and looking down at the music sheets that were now filled with a new melody, he let it be.

_And now a new song has bloomed, in light of the catharsis that you have walked me through, your hands intertwined with mine..._

The sound of knocking reverberated inside of Camus' ears and he pulled himself out of his thoughts. "Myu-chan!" Recognizing the voice, Camus strode towards the door and opened it, revealing both Natsuki and Reiji.

"What is it, Natsuki, Reiji?" he inquired.

"Eto... if you aren't busy, would it be okay if we came in?"

Natsuki smiled softly and held out his yellow cellphone to Camus.

"My mum wanted to talk to you. She listened to our ballad cover of 'Dear Butterfly'."

Camus' eyes widened slightly as he stared at Natsuki's mother, who was waving at him with a kind smile from the cellphone screen, his heart admittedly thumping in his chest. _Mrs Shinomiya...?_ Allowing his expression to revert back to a calmer one, he nodded briefly and opened the door wider, gesturing for the two brightest members of the group to enter, causing them to smile at him. When the three of them were seated on the bed, with Camus between his two close friends, Natsuki gave him the cellphone and he faced Mrs Shinomiya, who was smiling warmly at him, and spoke. "Good evening, Mrs Shinomiya."

"Good evening, dear Myu." Her hazel eyes grew warmer, akin to starlight, and Camus felt himself relax at the expression. _That warm aura truly runs in the family - like father and mother, like son._ "It has been a while since we last talked over a phone call. I heard that you have fully recovered from your sickness, but is everything else okay?"

"Everything is under control, Mrs Shinomiya," Camus answered, smiling politely as he nodded briefly, using his normal, baritone voice. He remembered how both of Natsuki's parents had assured him that he did not need to use his gentler, butler tone while speaking to them, saying that he was fine the way he normally was away from the public eye, back when they had first met on the day of the five-man QUARTET NIGHT's debut performance. "Natsuki, Reiji, Ranmaru and Ai have been ensuring that I kept a healthy balance between work and spare time." Alexander pounced onto the bed and nuzzled his head on Natsuki's lap and Camus chuckled and held the cellphone towards the dog. "So has Alexander. Natsuki is sure to help translate his words whenever required."

"Yeap, Mum," Natsuki agreed, wrapping an arm around Camus with glistening green eyes as Reiji grinned and Alexander barked happily. Camus smiled as Mrs Shinomiya laughed softly.

"Natsuki mentioned that you listened to our duet cover song, Mrs Shinomiya."

"Yes, and I did," Mrs Shinomiya said, nodding in confirmation. "Truthfully, I listened to it more than once before calling sweet Nacchan. Once was not even near enough when it was an earnestly beautiful song sung by two warm, beautiful souls." Her eyes softened. "I was completely astonished, really. Nacchan did tell me that QUARTET NIGHT's newest cover songs would be released today, but I didn't think that one of the songs chosen was 'Dear Butterfly', the lullaby that I had first sung for him during his childhood days in France. And I'm so, so glad, Myu... so glad that it moved you too. That..."

Her hazel eyes were glistening with tears now.

"That it opened your heart and allowed you to feel warmth, that I was able to listen and through that... see you and Nacchan bring me back to that forest that was bright with sunlight, peaceful like the azure of the sky. I'm so, so proud of the two of you, dear Myu... I'm so proud of you."

Camus' eyes widened slightly as emotions rose inside of his heart like a stream of flower petals soaring up, like colours intertwining with warmth in a bouquet's spiral, reaching him, tugging at him palpably. _I'm so proud of you._ Words that neither parent of his had ever told him or felt towards him, and yet hearing those words spoken so earnestly by Natsuki's mother somehow brought these emotions swelling inside his heart like a butterfly whose wings were slowly opening, like a flower that was silently but surely blooming. It felt strangely... familial. Even though Mrs Shinomiya was clearly not his parent, it undeniably did. Natsuki's parents had told him, Reiji, Ranmaru and Ai that they were all a part of the family as well despite not being Shinomiyas, but he still had not expected to feel nearly this strongly. 

And yet... here they were, and Camus was not about to take back any of it. 

"It is truly an honour... to be on the receiving end of such earnest words."

His lips curving into a sincere and gentle smile, Camus exhaled, noting that Reiji, Natsuki and Alexander had moved closer to him, and nodded.

"Thank you, Mrs Shinomiya. It was also sincerely an honour for it to be first sung and known to me by and thanks to none other than your kind and giving son."

Natsuki gave Camus a soft smile as he tightened his arm around the latter. "Myu-chan..."

Mrs Shinomiya smiled warmly as she wiped her tears away. "You are truly a kind young man, Myu."

"No, you are the kind one, Mrs Shinomiya," Camus disagreed, shaking his head with a slight smile. He glanced at Natsuki and his face softened. "That warm kindness genuinely runs in the family."

"Myu-chan's right on that one!" Reiji chimed in, beaming brightly.

"Excuse me, but what do you mean by 'right on that one', Reiji?" Camus smirked slightly. "Are you, by any chance, questioning my rightness in all its glory?"

"E-Ehh? Myu-chan! I didn't mean anything!"

Mrs Shinomiya, Natsuki, Camus and Reiji all laughed as Alexander barked. "Alex-kun says that Rei-Rei is in trouble." Camus' smirk curled and Reiji protested amidst his laughter and that was when someone else knocked on the door. Giving the phone to Natsuki, Camus pulled himself up and opened the door, revealing the remaining two members of the quintet.

"I was hoping for some form of accompaniment," Ai stated, smiling faintly.

"He knocked on my door and I found it weird that Natsuki and Reiji weren't in their room," Ranmaru explained, pointing at Ai. "Didn't think that you all would be here of all places."

"It's nice to see you again, Ai, Ranmaru."

"W-Wha-" Ranmaru jumped up in shock, staring down at the phone screen in Natsuki's hand. "Mrs Shinomiya!"

"Hello, Mrs Shinomiya," Ai greeted with a small smile. "I hope that you are doing well."

"You are not surprised at all, Ai?"

"Come inside," Camus told them, stepping aside to let them in. "Also, Ranmaru, please revert back to a more normal expression. It is rather uncanny for this particular one to last for such a prolonged period."

"Oh shut it, Camus!"

"Warm kindness genuinely runs inside this family as well," Mrs Shinomiya stated with a warm smile as everyone settled on Camus' bed. "Inside the hearts and souls of all of you. Nacchan, Mum and Dad couldn't be more happy that all of you amazing boys found one another and formed this beautiful family. Every time you tell me about your day with them, it makes me happier and happier. Nacchan, Rei, Ai, Maru, Myu, Alex... we are so happy for all of you."

"Mum..." Natsuki whispered with glimmering eyes as Ai wrapped his arms around him from behind, Ranmaru, Reiji and Alexander leaned closer, and Camus placed a hand on the younger blond's shoulder, all of them smiling sincerely. "We are all happy if Mum and Dad are happy too. It's that love and kindness that connects us all together as one big, happy family."

He turned to Camus and his eyes sparkled softly.

"We are all a family. All of us."

Camus smiled in return and tightened his fingers around Natsuki's shoulder. With an earnest smile glowing through the tears in her eyes, Natsuki's mother nodded, her hand wiping at the falling tears again, and softly told them that she would talk to them again soon and wished them all the very best. She spread out her arms as a virtual hug, saying that she wished that she could give all of them a tight hug, causing all of the senpais to laugh at how similar that was to a particular kind blond sitting between Ranmaru and Camus at this very moment.

"Don't worry, Mum! I'll give everyone a big, warm huggie!"

"And we'll be sure to hug him real tight too!" Reiji added, smiling brightly.

"We'll give Mum and Dad loads and loads of hugs too when we visit Hokkaido together!"

"Yes, we- Wait, no! Not no to the visiting part, but I didn't sign up to hug-"

"Ranmaru, have you not been around us long enough to know that hugs run in this family as well?"

"I know we hug, but that doesn't mean I'm the one spreading my arms all the time!"

"Maru-chan is just being shy, Ai-chan. I know; let's all give him the first huggie!"

"Right behind ya, Nattsun!"

"No!"

"Make the hug extra tight with love for me and Dad, okay, Nacchan?" Mrs Shinomiya laughed as Camus smirked watching Reiji keep a firm grip with his arms around a shrieking Ranmaru's waist. "Dad did say that Ranmaru is both nice and entertaining to hug. I'm sure he will be even more excited to hug all of you when I tell him about this later." She gave all of them a tender smile. "Talk to all of you again soon, Nacchan, Myu, Maru, Ai, Rei, Alex."

"Love you so, so much, Mum."

"Love you too, Nacchan, all of you."

Mrs Shinomiya waved before hanging up, and Camus could feel the soft emotions dwelling inside the chambers of his heart as Natsuki tucked his cellphone back into his pocket and beamed. With mischief flashing in his black eyes, Alexander pounced onto Ranmaru, causing the silver-haired rocker to shout in shock as everyone else laughed. "Camus, Natsuki, since he mainly listens to you two, tell him to get off me!"

"In exchange for you allowing me to blend your bananas into smoothies with condensed milk."

"In your freaking dreams! Natsuki!"

"Natsuki, this is Ranmaru's way of denying that he is having fun when he actually is, so let him and Alexander remain like this."

"Ai!"

"Ah, so these are the music sheets of your new solo song that you recorded the other day!"

Reiji pointed at the music sheets lying on the study desk and grinned.

"That solo song really blew our expectations out the water... to the point that Ran-Ran passed out in the studio."

"Which I did apologize for," Camus added, a slight smile quirking at his lips as Alexander scampered over to his lap and Ranmaru pulled himself up back into sitting position. "I sincerely meant that apology, Ranmaru."

"Don't give me that when you freaking _knew_ what you were doing!" Ranmaru yelled, scowling at Camus, who maintained an innocent smile. "Plus, that smile does not work in your favour and never will! You freaking gave me a heart attack when you sang that solo song a.k.a a duet _with none other than yourself_! When I heard your butler voice, I was like, _Wait a freaking minute._ But then your deep, baritone came and the next thing I knew, I freaking blacked out and whose freaking fault was that?"

"Well, considering that Ai, Natsuki and Reiji did not undergo sensory overload..."

"Oi!"

"At least two hours of rest with an ice pack over your forehead helped you come back to reality, right, Ran-Ran?" Reiji pointed out with a chuckle, causing Ranmaru to glare as he facepalmed. "But you gotta admit that it really was a song that only Myu-chan could pull off! The self-harmonization, the different personas in the lyrics and voices, the melody, all of it... that was Myu-chan written all over it!"

"The starting piano was so beautiful," Natsuki remarked with a soft smile, "and your voice, with two different tones and melodies, created a song that will glow and stand out no matter what. You were embracing your different sides in that one song and you made us so, so happy seeing you do exactly that, seeing you be you."

"I agree with both Reiji and Natsuki," Ai stated, placing a hand on Camus' back. He turned to Ranmaru and smiled slightly. "Ranmaru, despite your initial reaction, all of us know for a fact that you listened to the song from the beginning until the very last second."

"Oh zip it, Ai," Ranmaru spoke, groaning as he scratched the back of his head. "You know that you're right, and it really ain't helpin'." He faced Camus and sighed. "But gotta hand it over to ya, Camus. You're the first guy I know who was brave enough to sing a duet with yourself as a solo song and that was actually real impressive. You didn't just give your all; you were entirely sincere about it as you gave your _heart_. And that itself was real commendable."

He patted Camus on the shoulder and grinned.

"It really was a fitting solo song for the fifth and final one of the QUARTET NIGHT solos of the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project. The project in which the real QUARTET NIGHT was born."

_"Innocent Wind." "Promise to Sirius." "Itoshiki Hito e." "Be Proud." "Double Face."_

_Ai. Natsuki. Reiji. Ranmaru. Camus._

Ranmaru was right. All five of their solo songs had now officially been completed. Through their emotions, memories and brotherhood, they had all written out distinctive melodies that would never have been wholly pieced together if not for one another. Throughout their happiness, joy, sadness and pain, they had all thrived together in a way that was as inimitable as it was radiating with their own colours, and it was a sincerely cherished compliment to be told by all of them that it was a song that only he could create and sing. It was something that not only any artist would wish to hear; it was something that someone who had wished to pour their true soul into their creation would take to heart and treasure.

_The void of a lullaby that has never been sung is now overflowing._

He remembered how he had formed a faint smile on his face when he first listened to the opening piano in the recording studio. The rhythmic cadence of the gentle piano had brought echoing into his head the delicate landing of a sole butterfly from petal to petal, from flower to flower, touching without breaking, silent but felt. And he could feel that butterfly spreading its wings in his soul as he agreed to have a sleepover in his bedroom upon Reiji's excited suggestion, its wings flashing in a gentle kaleidoscope without concealing any of its colours, be it representations of his strengths or flaws. 

_We do not only accept one another; we embrace one another. We do not only understand our flaws; we acknowledge them and assure one another that flaws do not make us undeserving of anyone or anything. We have a myriad of sides, some more apparent than others, and we, with sincere smiles, encourage one another to be true to ourselves regardless who may be watching, for a life of being someone we are not... is as futile as it is meaningless._

_They love me for who I am. Every bit of who I am._

The music sheets fluttered lightly as Camus smiled gently and hugged Natsuki and Reiji, who had pulled him into a tight hug, and felt Alexander snuggle at his side and Ranmaru and Ai draw closer, in a night in which everyone was loved and cherished for who they truly were, with countless more nights like this to come.

_The dualism is me. And it will always be me, and the fact that all of them know and love that part of me too... is enough for me. The fact that you will always be my family truly is all I need to know and am sincerely grateful to. I am Camus, a proud member of this family... our family._

_"The flower of loneliness should blossom and fall_

_But somehow growing distant,_

_The wind warms my pride"_

\- "Double Face", by Camus (Tomoaki Maeno)


	62. Sing You a River

Natsuki Shinomiya

_I want to play you a river._

_I want to let my bow softly sail along these delicate strings like a kite along the glistening waters, letting the clear, gentle blue flow into the sky carrying the stardust that I hope can let your heart glow even at night. The river of the stardust that you gave me... I want to take your hand and pull you by the hand so that we can walk home together, side by side, gazing at the bright night that I wouldn't have believed in if not for you. The river by which we had sat together, that has rippled softly and beautifully... by which we had lied together on the grass, pointed out constellations while piecing together our own..._

_I want to write and play you a river... that mirrors all of that._

A soft smile lingering on his lips, Natsuki let out a quiet breath as he stepped forward and back, side to side, his right hand moving the bow across the strings of his viola as the melody reverberated through the early morning. With no one else awake yet and him not wanting to accidentally wake any of his best friends from their sleep, Natsuki had quietly left the apartment to go to the river, wishing to play his viola in that special place of theirs, leaving a note inside of the quintet's group chat. It had made him feel deeply warm inside playing the viola as the sun rose in the sky like a blooming flower, and he had quietly decided that when he had the chance, he would bring Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus to this same river and play a song or more for them in the presence of the rising sun. Humming the melody under his breath, he smiled as the lyrics slowly began to piece together a little in his mind, joint together by the emotions in his heart like stars connected into constellations, with a wish that would never lose itself.

 _Little by little... I have been composing more and more. I didn't think I would, but... it came naturally as I continued to be with them_ , he whispered to himself, remembering the compositions that he had written out so far. _Being with them opens my heart so much. Being with them is where I can be the best that I can be._

Beginning to sing the new lyrics, Natsuki felt his heart swelling with pure warmth.

_This is the river that was only able to flow because of you._

The song that he was currently working on was a new solo song dedicated to the members of QUARTET NIGHT; his dearest friends. Before this composition came to life inside his mind, he had pieced together a number of compositions for the band, which included a new group song that they would continue working on today. Remembering the sincere smiles on their faces when he gave them his newest composition for the quintet to write lyrics to and sing made Natsuki's heart brighten and brought him even more passion towards writing out this song and making his best friends proud. When he had finished playing the composition, he lowered his bow and viola and gazed at the river, observing as the broad sunlight fell upon the serene waters and allowed that gorgeous, prismatic blue to sparkle like the stars of the morning. Maybe a part of why he was composing much more than he used to was that they had unlocked the memories that had been sleeping inside his heart. From all that he had found out about his past so far, he knew that he had composed many songs on his own when he was still a child, through playing his violin... the instrument that he had quit playing.

_Yesterday evening, all of us and STARISH had to attend a party at a ballroom. And there had been a group of musicians playing music for all the guests. One of them was playing the violin and even though Sacchan's last letter warned me that it wasn't time yet and thinking of touching the violin still hurts... I... I couldn't help but feel like I missed playing that instrument that I used to love playing._

The violinist had played a classic ballad, his melody as perfect as it was nearly hushed. As though he could sense the sadness inside of Natsuki's heart, Reiji had interlaced his fingers with his own and squeezed tightly, smiling softly when their eyes met. And he, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus had all proceeded to softly chat with him about other things, clearly trying to distract him from the echoes of his past, and while the sadness did remain, it did fade too. As he thought, before he knew it, he was playing the viola again, repeating the melody of the song that he was working on, remembering those words: _I want to play you a river._

_I know that someday I will play the violin again. Not because I must, but because I wish to. It will not only help me become stronger; it will help QUARTET NIGHT turn stronger too. If I can one day gather the strength to move beyond this pain and touch the violin again... it'll mean that I am another step closer to that wish I made thinking of everyone I love and care about... the wish to protect._

_Is that someday... soon?_

The nearby birdies chirruped softly as they were perched on tree branches and stood on the grass watching Natsuki play the viola. Giving them a gentle smile, Natsuki began to sing the lyrics that he had come up with, hoping to get their honest opinions when he had stopped playing.

_Do you know... Sacchan?_

The gentle falsettos meant to soothe and convey, the slow but gradual flow towards the crescendos of the chorus, the tender emotions that he wished to express and allow to reach into the hearts of others... Singing and playing the viola with his heart, with a faint but earnest smile, Natsuki quietly hoped that he could reach Satsuki with this song too, that deep inside of him, the alter ego was truly smiling and proud of him. When he reached the last high-pitched but near quiet crescendo of the final chorus, he carefully played the last viola instrumental, the melody nearing its end slowly and softly, like the quiet, kind water of the seeping river that was about to touch its new destination. When he stopped and let out a soft exhale, his lips curved into a slight smile, glad that the song was a step closer to being completed. The birdies that had been watching him chirruped loudly and happily and fluttered around him with the butterflies, the small animals' colourful wings flickering happily and beautifully in the warm daylight, and his smile brightened at that. _Thank you._ That was when a blithe cheer broke through the near serenity like a burst of colour and his eyes dilated in pure shock.

"Nattsun!"

Blinking, Natsuki turned around, only to yelp when a particular white dog leapt onto him, causing him to fall backwards onto the lush, verdant grass with a few chuckles. "Alex-kun- Wahh!" His black eyes sparkling, Alexander barked loudly and pawed at Natsuki's face and the latter laughed as he stroked the doggie on the head gently and smiled gently. Lifting his head up, Natsuki felt his smile soften when he saw Reiji, Ranmaru, Ai and Camus briskly approaching the two of them with laughs and chuckles, their smiles sincerely warm. "Rei-Rei! Guys!" Beaming brightly, Reiji sprinted forward and threw his arms around Natsuki, giving him a tight bear hug. Ai and Camus chuckled again as Ranmaru reached down and thumped Natsuki lightly on the top of the head, a lopsided grin slanted on the silver-haired rocker's face as the sunshine continued to fall upon them like warm veils.

"You're unbelievable, kiddo." Ranmaru shook his head with a guffaw. "I get up in the morning and the first thing I find is that you have woken up way earlier and gone out to practise the viola? Didn't we tell you that it was more than fine to take it easy? Though I don't see any sign of ya pushin' too hard, so that's good to know." 

He ruffled Natsuki's blond hair and flashed him a smile of both relief and satisfaction. 

"Speaking of your viola-playing, that was really good, Natsuki. We were all 'bout to holler out to ya, but then we heard you start to play and so we stopped to listen and it was more than worth it, I tell ya." His grin slanted a little more. "Never heard that song before. What song is it?"

"It's actually a new song, Maru-chan," Natsuki answered, smiling shyly.

"A new song?" Reiji exclaimed, his jaw dropping in awe. "We all just started writing lyrics to the group song composition that you wrote for us and you already came up with a new song?" Tightening his arms around Natsuki, he rested his chin on the blond's shoulder and smiled brightly. "Even from what we just heard alone, I can tell it's a solo song and that you are gonna make me cry all over again when you're done, just like when you created and sang 'Promise to Sirius' for us! And I'm so looking forward to it already, dear Nattsun!"

"Indeed." Camus nodded, a slight smile quirking his lips. "I recall the five of us concluding our group's five solo songs for the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project with my song 'Double Face' around two weeks ago. Yet you have been extremely dedicated towards creating new songs, including this solo." His voice was contemplative as his smile curved slightly. "That itself is admirable, but do bear in mind that you should not push yourself either, Natsuki. It is more than acceptable to take breaks in between. In fact, it is required."

"And all of us are taking one now," Ai stated, placing the picnic basket in his hand onto the grass, a soft smile gracing his features. "We brought the thermos filled with the lattes that you brewed earlier and our breakfast. Our photo shoot does not begin until ten, so we have ample time to relax."

"And this is the perfect spot to begin the brand new day with," Reiji remarked, tugging Natsuki by the hand. Giving him a gentle squeeze, he smiled warmly. "So shall we, Nattsun?"

Natsuki beamed brightly and nodded, squeezing back. 

"Yeap. Of course, Rei-Rei."

So with smiles on their faces, all of them began preparing for the picnic breakfast, starting with taking out the picnic blankets. For a few moments, Alexander chased Reiji along the area, causing the brunet to yelp amidst laughter as Camus smirked and ordered the dog to go after the quintet's leader. When everything was ready, all six of them settled on the checked picnic blankets lying on the soft green grass and chatted while enjoying their breakfast as they relished in the lush greenery and by the bright, gentle water. Butterflies fluttered around them, their wings vibrant hues of pink, purple and blue, hovering either towards flower petals or onto the viridescent grass and picnic blankets, with some of them soaring gently towards the clear azure in a flickering, beautiful kaleidoscope. Uncapping his yellow thermos, Natsuki smiled softly when he found that someone had brewed hazelnut milk tea for him. Just as he was about to ask who it was, a pair of arms hugged him tightly from behind, squeezing him. Laughing softly, Natsuki turned and faced a beaming Reiji, smiling warmly. "Was it you, Rei-Rei?"

"Yep!" Reiji beamed even more brightly, nodding. "With some help from Myu-chan! Nattsun, you literally made milk tea for every one of us except for yourself!" He pouted as Natsuki smiled shyly. "No way were we lettin' our precious Nattsun be left out, so Myu-chan and I went ahead and made one for ya!"

He blew a kiss to Natsuki with a wink.

"Made with our pure love!"

"Reiji, if I was less informed, I may have already anticipated you accidentally stealing a kiss from Natsuki in the near future. However, knowing you and your foolish carelessness, there is quite the chance that you will."

"Wha- Myu-chan!"

"Do you have any idea how many times the whole lot of us all had to try our best to not laugh whenever the interviewers asked Natsuki if he had ever had his first kiss outside of the romance drama?" Ranmaru exclaimed, guffawing as Natsuki felt his cheeks swell with blood and Reiji blushed. "One wrong move and the world would already figure it all out and you two'd be doomed!"

"Or rather, one incorrect move and Ren would already discover the truth and subsequently tell the rest of the world about it," Ai commented with an amused smile as Camus smirked.

"But why do they always ask me?" Natsuki asked curiously, tilting his head to one side. "They never asked you guys when talking about the drama."

"Do any of us look innocent to you?"

"I-"

"You are far from innocent, Reiji."

"Don't be meanies to big bro Rei-Rei, you three! Really, when it comes to this, you could all learn a thing or two from sweet Nattsun!"

"Oh, that reminds me. Natsuki, the three of us are gonna teach you an invaluable lesson in life and that is how to mess around with Reiji. And that includes getting revenge on him for all the pranks he's pulled."

"Hey, I-"

"It would indeed be beneficial for you to be more defiant towards the scheming and mischievous likes of Reiji, after all. And I believe that the three of us combined stand to teach more positive things than Reiji does."

"Don't influence Nattsun like that, you guys! And hey, I have lots of positive things to teach, you know!"

"Like?"

"Like teaching Nattsun to not listen to lies from you three meanies!"

Natsuki laughed quietly as Reiji pouted and exclaimed amidst laughter, with Ai and Camus chuckling and Ranmaru grinning widely. _I want to play you a river_ , was what he had written and wished, and right now, a completely different river was being played in its own inimitable way. It was a river of their emotions and memories, of their hearts and souls beating as one. As he reached out for his viola case to put away his instrument, the memories of the instrument that he had stopped playing and how beautiful the young violinist from last night had played it seeped into his head like cold waters and he felt his heart clench slightly. _The river played by my violin... it stopped flowing years ago._

He looked down at the viola case as he gently but firmly closed it, the sound of that closing echoing painfully in his heart, the thoughts of whether he had even kept the violin in its proper case upon saying goodbye to it. A goodbye that he did not even remember.

_Even though it'll hurt, I want... to let it flow again... and play it for them, for us._

"Hey... you're doin' fine, ya know, kiddo."

A hand settled on top of his head and patted gently. Blinking slowly, Natsuki raised his head and found himself facing Ranmaru, who was giving him a slanted, reassuring grin.

"Can tell you're thinkin' of the violin and most probably last night's party again. But you're doin' amazing just the way you are and you're just gonna keep gettin' better and better. Just because you still ain't able to play the violin it doesn't mean you aren't strong. You gotta give yourself way more credit than that."

"And you are strong, Natsuki. And you will only proceed to grow even stronger with each passing day."

Ai gave Natsuki a sincere smile, his teal eyes glimmering softly.

"You cannot force yourself either, and I am sure that when the right time comes, you will be playing the violin again. And when you do, all of us will be right there next to you, just like right now. Just like you sang in that ballad, a river, just like a melody, needs to flow in its own free will. It will flow, Natsuki. Inevitably and powerfully." His voice turned gentler. "So don't worry, okay?"

"Our dear Ai-Ai and Ran-Ran are right, that's for sure!"

Reiji smiled brightly at Natsuki, wrapping his arms around him even tighter.

"And big bro Rei-Rei has just the thing to take your mind off the violin!" He took ahold of Natsuki's sling bag and unzipped it. "Since you gave us 100% access to this..."

Reiji held up the pastel pink book with flower imprints that Ai had given to Natsuki just before his yellow notebook was completely filled and the brunet's smile morphed into a cheeky grin.

"How 'bout we relive some of the memories here by reading them right here and now?"

"R-Rei-Rei!"

"May I have the honour of reading this non-fictional work of art?"

"Myu-chan!"

A mischievous smirk quirked at the corner of Camus' lips as he accepted the flowery notebook from a grinning Reiji and Natsuki chuckled with exclaims and his cheeks reddening and Ranmaru and Ai laughed. Alexander barked excitedly as Camus began reading the contents teasingly and Reiji chuckled. "You look super adorable when you're bein' all shy, our lovely Nattsun!" Natsuki smiled softly as Reiji pulled him into another tight, warm hug and Ai joined them with his hand clasping the back of Natsuki's head gently. 

_This is the river that flows because we are together. That is able to exist and sparkle because we are with one another._

Camus read out, " _'I wish that people understood how precious and adorable Maru-chan can be even more...'_ " causing Ranmaru to yell out to the innocently-smiling Permafrost male with his cheeks burning red. With an earnest smile, Natsuki told Ranmaru that he meant what he had written, and the latter yelled out in embarrassment as everyone else laughed, with Camus and Reiji proceeding to tease the rocker, all under the warm glow of the morning sun and surrounded by the viridian trees and brightly-hued flowers, the birdies and butterflies, and the quiet, glistening river that was as blue and bright as the sky itself.

_I want to write and play you a river just for us._

Tokiya Ichinose

"Syo, can I ask you a question?"

"Fire away, Tokiya," Syo said half-jokingly as he sat beside Cecil on the sofa, looking up from the fashion magazine that he was reading. "What's up?"

The six band members were currently in the mansion's living room, relaxing after an entire morning of idol work. While Ren and Otoya were playing a game together on their phones and Cecil and Masato had been talking about Japanese literature, Tokiya had been reading a number of articles online and doing a bit of research on his tablet out of both curiosity and disturbance. Rubbing his right temple, Tokiya took another moment to carefully contemplate his decision to discuss this matter before eventually deciding to go forward with it and looking directly at Syo, who appeared puzzled.

"Did Shinomiya-san used to compose back when he was still playing the violin?"

Syo's eyes widened and everyone else in the room stopped talking almost as soon as the words left Tokiya's mouth, although none of it surprised the latter. Natsuki was not exactly a topic that everyone in this group agreed upon while discussing. While Tokiya held a certain degree of reservation towards their former band member, Syo clearly was the one who was the most irked every time Natsuki's name was heard, whether he was in the conversation or not. Tokiya did not miss the way Syo's lips twitched and his blue eyes darkened at the sound of his former roommate's name, the past jarringly unforgotten, and out of the corner of his eye, the perfectionist could see Otoya wince slightly. Instead of yelling immediately, however, Syo eventually let out a sigh and spoke.

"Yeah, he did," he answered, although it felt more like a confession rather than answer. "A lot, for that matter. But after he quit playing the violin, he almost never composed anymore."

Syo narrowed his blue eyes at Tokiya.

"Why?"

"Yeah, why are you talking about Shinomi out of a sudden, Icchi?" Ren inquired, raising an eyebrow.

Tokiya sighed quietly. This was definitely complicated. Of everyone here, Ren was clearly the closest to Natsuki and the rest of QUARTET NIGHT. Not only that, but Masato, Otoya and Cecil were now in good terms with the quintet again, leaving Tokiya and Syo as the odd ones out regarding the five-man band. However, he could tell that staying quiet would do more harm than good in this situation, so he folded his arms and continued.

"Do you recall 'The dice are cast'?"

"QUARTET NIGHT's group song from the STARISH V QUARTET NIGHT live, right?" Otoya asked, his eyes lighting up. "Natsuki composed most of that song. It was a really good song, wasn't it, guys?"

 _Yeah, and you were listening to that song on your headphones just this morning, for that matter._ However, Tokiya did not call Otoya out for it and ignored Ren's light smile as he proceeded. "Yes, Shinomiya-san composed most of that song, including its foundation. That was after he had joined QUARTET NIGHT. However, from what I have seen, despite rarely composing before then, he did not stop there. Far from it, apparently."

"Could you elaborate, Ichinose?" Masato inquired politely.

Tokiya tapped a few times on his tablet and held it out to Masato.

"Have a look."

Sitting alone on a red armchair, Masato accepted the tablet and Ren, Syo, Cecil and Otoya all approached him to have a look themselves as Tokiya remained seated where he was and sighed. Tokiya knew that Natsuki had been a prodigy as a child, but he truly had not expected his old talents to surface this suddenly. The Piyo-chan-loving blond had not stopped at "Promise to Sirius" or "The dice are cast" and instead, had proceeded to compose numerous more songs for QUARTET NIGHT or at least, contributed in the new compositions. Natsuki, who had not had a hand in composing any of the STARISH songs that they had sung together when he was still in the band, had been composing a myriad of songs for everyone in QUARTET NIGHT. Of course Tokiya was not accusing Natsuki of holding back when he was still in STARISH; he knew the blond well enough to know that he would never do anything like that. However, Tokiya's heart was grim as he contemplated over how much of a threat Natsuki had grown to become ever since he joined QUARTET NIGHT. He had not anticipated or taken it into account when he, Masato and Syo all agreed to evict him from STARISH, but the past was now blaring red lights at all of them as Tokiya heard gasps and yelps of shock from his fellow band members.

_And they aren't just any ordinary compositions. I personally listened to all of the songs from start until finish and it was clear that the composer was a professional. He did not only use a high level of skill and technique and understand the required balance; he also wrote with heart. It was not merely luck; he clearly understood what he was doing._

Tokiya closed his eyes, mentally bracing for the storm about to come.

_Shinomiya-san has become more dangerous as a rival than I expected him to be._

"I listened to all of these songs too. I know that QUARTET NIGHT's amazing, but I... I didn't know that Natsuki helped compose these songs and even composed some of these himself!"

Otoya's red eyes were widened in pure amazement.

"Natsuki's awesome... And yet he never said anything when we passed by each other during work!"

"Come on, Ikki. You know how pure and modest Shinomi is."

Ren chuckled, ruffling Otoya's red hair with a grin.

"Looks like he's slowly revealing more and more of the talent that has been sleeping inside of him. Dear Shinomi is turning more and more into a great musician as each day passes by, all while staying true to his honest self. I am definitely gonna ask him about this the next time I chat with him."

"His duet with Reiji-senpai was so beautiful, wasn't it?" Cecil praised with a bright smile.

"So was the trio he composed for Ai-senpai, Kurosaki-san and Camus-senpai," Masato commended, a faint smile forming on his face. "It was simply sublime. As were the other songs that he helped compose."

"If he's composing this much, does it mean that Natsuki is back to playing the violin?" Otoya asked, his eyes filled with curiosity and hope.

Tokiya nearly blanched when Otoya asked that question. He immediately turned to Syo, who had remained quiet during the entire time the members talked about Natsuki's composition skills. The shortest member of the group had his head down as he clenched his teeth tightly, his fedora tilted downwards, his hands balled into fists that were beginning to shake. Drawing in a deep breath and heaving it out, Syo remained silent for a moment, not looking at everyone else who were now facing him, before finally starting.

"I... don't... know."

The words emerged out of his mouth slowly but painstakingly, as though it was torture merely to say those simple words. Shaking his head, he clenched his teeth again, his blue eyes darker than before.

"Why is he just so freaking..." He spat out a curse. "I'm leaving."

"Syo!" Otoya yelled after Syo, who sprinted towards the direction of the dormitories, his red eyes dilated in shock and pain. "Syo!"

"Give him time to cool off, Ittoki."

"But Masa-"

"Otoya and I will check on him for a moment," Cecil interjected, placing a hand on a worried Otoya's back, smiling painfully. "If Syo wishes for us to leave, we will. I promise."

Masato sighed heavily but did not protest as Cecil and Otoya ran off in the direction where Syo had disappeared to. Ren closed his eyes with a solemn expression on his face while Tokiya folded his arms and shook his head in disapproval towards the situation. QUARTET NIGHT was already a formidable opponent as it was, and Tokiya remembered how frustrated and angry Syo had been when STARISH lost heavily against the quintet during the STARISH V QUARTET NIGHT live. Tokiya would be lying if he said that he had not been upset then either, especially with that considerable margin between their scores. So now that Natsuki was proving to be a powerful composer, Tokiya could understand Syo's anger towards the situation, knowing that Otoya's last question did not help matters at all.

_Syo and Shinomiya-san used to compete in violin recitals as children. Only the latter was considered a prodigy. Now that his old talents are rising to the surface, how will Syo handle this matter?_

Looking at the tablet in Masato's hands, Tokiya wondered if bringing up this subject was a terrible idea after all.

_Especially if Shinomiya-san decides to return to playing the violin... the exact same instrument that Syo specialises in._

Ai Mikaze

"Your voice is really suited for falsettos, Eli-kun. You have such a beautiful voice."

Natsuki smiled softly as he gave his close friend and mentee a tight squeeze on the shoulder.

"And you're only going to grow better and better as you practise. Could you sing that last part for us again, please?"

A faint smile curved on Ai's lips as he observed the ongoing mentoring session that Natsuki was going through with Eli. They were currently in a borrowed room in a studio near Saotome Gakuen. Ai, who had previously concluded a new television episode with a performance of his solo song "Innocent Wind", had decided to pay a surprise visit to Natsuki and Eli, who were in the studio for their scheduled mentoring session, whereas Ranmaru and Reiji were filming a commercial and Camus was having a photo shoot for a clothing brand's summer collection. Sitting on a mahogany stool, Ai curled his hands around the cup of strawberry tea that he had purchased on the way to the studio and felt the beverage's gentle, radiating warmth as Eli nodded with a bright smile and asked Natsuki which part to begin from. Natsuki gently pointed at the music sheet and Eli beamed as the kind mentor ruffled his ice-blond hair with a pure smile.

Taking a deep breath and letting out a soft exhale, Eli faced both Natsuki and Ai and began the first falsetto - a gentle falsetto. Ai loved gentle falsettos. They may not pierce through the soul like the highest of high notes that were more than akin to firelight etching audibly through glass hearts, but gentle falsettos, like the innocent chirps and whistles of a canary or a hummingbird, could melt the ice of even the coldest of hearts, could touch the most taut of heartstrings, could allow even the weakest of seeds to blossom into flowers. And Eli's voice was truly fitting to sing falsettos, given the pureness of the emotions conveyed as well as the sweet softness of his tone. 

_Eli has vividly improved. Not only in regards to vocal technique and control, but also in terms of his ability to convey the emotions of the song that he is singing. And that..._

Natsuki glanced at Ai and smiled warmly and the latter felt a small smile curve on his own lips in return.

_That is something that not even a thousand vocal lessons can hope to attain if all that they reflect is a monochrome melody._

Whenever Ai watched Natsuki and Eli's mentoring sessions, Eli was never the only person that Ai would observe. From being in the Master Course and the time after that, Ai knew how all of the four senpais, including himself, had different methods in mentoring their kouhais, such as how gruff and straightforward Ranmaru was and how strict and unrelenting Camus was. Ai had been curious as to how Natsuki would do ever since he became Eli's assigned mentor, and it did not take long for Ai to feel admittedly drawn to the growing bond between the kind blond and his young mentee, as well as how Natsuki guided Eli. Natsuki could always tell whenever Eli was emotionally hurt and the latter, although initially afraid that he was holding Natsuki back, let Natsuki in whenever those times came. Eli, too, would do his best to be there for Natsuki whenever the latter was saddened about anything, whether by showing him vibrant, colourful photos, opening the window to let birds in, or other things that could make his mentor happy. They would even sing together to brighten each other's days, and there was a time when it led them to discovering inspiration for their first original duet.

_From the beginning, it was anything but monochrome. They meant too much to each other to allow their time together to be painted in merely black, white and grey, whether as a mentor-mentee pair or as close friends. Watching the two of them yet again reminds me of how both of them are helping each other grow. Eli is not the only one growing... Natsuki is as well._

Ai's beating heart welled up with pure warmth as he quietly set down his cup and stood up to approach the duo, a soft smile easing on his face as Natsuki pulled Eli into a tight hug.

_I may be your senior and mentor, but... you have been and are still teaching me numerous things all this time, Natsuki, and that has never been monochrome either._

"Your falsettos have deeply improved, Eli."

Eli's eyes widened in surprise as Ai reached down and patted him on the head softly.

"You have been practising much, even outside of the mentoring sessions, haven't you?"

"It's difficult not to when I love singing and music so much," Eli admitted shyly, twirling the left end of his baby blue cardigan, "and each time I sing with Natsuki-san makes me love singing even more. So do watching QUARTET NIGHT's live performances. All five of you are brilliant including you, Ai-san; your high notes in that trio with Ranmaru-san and Camus-san are so beautiful and heartbreaking."

"You have your mentor to thank that the song even exists," Ai stated with a mischievous smile, facing Natsuki, who rubbed the back of his head with a chuckle.

Eli laughed. "I did! But even when talking about the song, he mentions how amazing you guys are rather than his own efforts." Ai let out a chuckle as Natsuki's smile turned shy. "And since you mentioned 'mentoring', he also talks a lot about how you are as his mentor, Ai-san, including in the Master Course. Like how lucky he feels that you are his mentor and how kind and caring you are."

Eli's amber eyes brightened as Ai's eyes widened slightly.

"Honestly, Natsuki-san's right. You're brilliant, Ai-san, in so many ways."

"Yeap!" Natsuki smiled sincerely and wrapped his arms around Ai from behind, causing the latter to release a soft chuckle as the gentle blond shrouded him in pure warmth. "We're really lucky to be with you, Ai-chan, and in much, much more than music alone." 

Emotions surged through Ai's heart at those honest, tender words, tugging at his heartstrings as he placed his hands onto Natsuki's that were on his stomach. _I believe that it is the other way around, actually, and moments like these reaffirm it, just like the heart in my chest._ When everyone had calmed down, Natsuki suggested that the three of them could sing a song together this time and that Ai picked the song, to which Eli immediately agreed with a true smile. Knowing that all of them loved this particular ballad, Ai did not take long to come to a decision and he smiled softly as they sang together, their three distinct voices melting to one another in order to create a simple but pure harmony.

_In a way, all of us have the roles of mentor and mentee, regardless of our official positions._

In the middle of the song, Natsuki reached out and held Ai's left hand and Eli's right hand. Not at all surprised by their close friend's affectionate nature, Ai and Eli looked at one another and exchanged gentle smiles as they reached out and took each other's free hand, allowing the three of them to be connected in a small but warm huddle as their voices resonated together in a ballad in the otherwise-soundless practice room.

_After all, that is what it means to walk together, right? Just like you sang in a particular ballad of yours that never fails to touch my heart even now... Natsuki._

The moment they sang the last syllable, which was also a near silent falsetto, a couple of firm knocks were heard from the other side of the door. Natsuki blinked in confusion and walked over to the door and opened it, and his green eyes immediately glowed. "Myu-chan!" 

"Natsuki," Camus addressed Natsuki with a slight smile, a deep chuckle reverberating from him as he reciprocated the younger blond's bear hug. "If you are in this bright of a mood, it is safe to say that your mentoring went smoothly, is it not?" Natsuki nodded in agreement and Camus hummed. "That's pleasing to know."

Camus faced Eli and Ai and smiled faintly.

"I trust that you are progressing well, Kizuna. And why am I not surprised to see that you had the same idea as I did, Ai?"

"We are, Camus-san."

"Don't tease me, Camus," Ai told Camus, although he himself chuckled quietly as Natsuki closed the door behind them and Eli smiled politely. "I wished to see how Eli and Natsuki were doing myself and it is always nothing short of pleasant to do so. How was the photo shoot, by the way?"

"Everything went perfectly smoothly," Camus answered, folding his arms. "Not to mention, as a token of appreciation for my services, the designer offered to gift me with articles of clothing for the same collection that I modelled for." He smiled faintly as he held up a large white paper bag. "He encouraged me to select one piece for each of the members of QUARTET NIGHT and with that proposal accepted, I would like all of you to try these on later." 

"Thank you, Myu-chan!" Natsuki exclaimed, smiling brightly as Ai nodded with a slight smile.

"It was nothing." Camus nodded briefly. "Speaking of the mentoring session, did I, by any chance, interrupt? Or are you finished for the day, Natsuki?"

"We ended the song just before you knocked, Myu-chan."

"Perfect." A slight smile quirked at Camus' lips. "Do you recall the ice-cream parlour that we conversed about in our apartment a few nights ago? Your eyes had been sparkling when you saw the multifarious flavours on Ai's laptop, Natsuki." His tone was tinged with a hint of mischief as Natsuki nodded with a chuckle. "Since the lesson has reached its conclusion, shall we head there? Kizuna is welcome to join us as well and I will contact Reiji and Ranmaru in our group chat."

"Yeap!" Natsuki beamed, his eyes sparkling even more as Eli smiled warmly. "Thank you so, so much, Myu-chan!"

"You do know that you need not thank me, right?"

"But Myu-chan is being really kind and sweet!"

"I believe that Ranmaru would beg to differ."

"Nope. We know that deep down, Maru-chan feels the same way, Myu-chan."

 _Even with the significant growth in his inner strength and sense of responsibility, his original, inimitable personality did not change even by the slightest ounce,_ Ai mentally noted as he smiled softly and Camus sighed with a barely-suppressed smile, the latter waiting as the rest of them began collecting their belongings. _Whether as a person, family member, close friend, mentor, band member or idol, his pure kindness never dimmed its glow even a little. Neither does his affection and his honest sincerity. He grew and yet remained the same. It is truly a blessing, for all of us._

_You understand this as well, right... Satsuki?_

A cheerful Natsuki lifted Eli up, causing the latter to laugh, as Ai and Camus walked beside him, the four of them chatting about their favourite ice-cream flavours. When Natsuki mentioned that so many of the colours were extremely pretty, Ai, Eli and Camus could not help but laugh, knowing that this was sincerely typical of the innocent blond.

_As the gatekeeper of his past, as well as his guardian, you are happy too, aren't you? To see him glow like this._

Reiji Kotobuki

The first thing that Reiji noticed when he first woke up was the lack of warmth beside him.

It was strange, really. He had been dreaming when the ballad version of Natsuki and Satsuki's "Orion de Shout Out" echoed inside his head like a fading warmth, lulling him out of the dreamscape and back into reality. _'Warmth is empty'_ , the gentle yet melancholic lyrics had sung with a tender yet heartbreaking voice. Those three words alone had been more than enough to amplify the fact that it felt rather lonely waking up without Natsuki next to him in the middle of the night, even as he knew in his heart that they were never leaving each other's sides. However, the thought that Natsuki might have had a nightmare or any other problems brought his alertness streaming into his head even faster and it did not take long for him to pull himself up into sitting position and glance around the bedroom.

 _There was that one time ages ago when I caught him fixing tea on his own when he chose to let me sleep even though he was suffering from a nightmare_ , Reiji thought to himself, squeezing the fawn plushie lying on Natsuki's fluffy pillow. He smiled faintly. _Nattsun, Nattsun... you really are too kind for your own good, ya know... Though I'm one to talk when I did the same thing a couple of times when you were right there next to me. Big bro Rei-Rei's real glad we promised to never think of ourselves as bothers and burdens when it comes to waking each other up, let alone anything else._

Reiji let out a soft chuckle as he stretched to his sides and slid off their shared bed.

_Wherever you are, I'm headin' for ya right now, dear Nattsun._

After neatly propping his star plushie beside Natsuki's fawn plushie, Reiji started heading out of the bedroom. As soon as he left, he heard the sound of paper rippling in the cold night atmosphere. His eyes widening slightly, Reiji turned and saw a tall blond with a rather distant posture standing by the sofa and staring out at the nightscape through the glass wall, his hands tucked into his sleeping trousers' pockets. _Satsuki._ The tall blond that shared a physical appearance with Natsuki turned as well, only to stop immediately when his green eyes met Reiji's. Rubbing the back of his neck, the alter ego closed his eyes and released a heavy sigh into the imperfect silence.

"Why am I not surprised that of all you people, it's you?"

"Guess I'm the most nocturnal of the senpais," Reiji remarked with a chuckle as he walked even closer to Satsuki, his hands by his side as his loose, olive T-shirt swayed a little. "Although not on purpose." Satsuki scoffed and he smiled slightly. "Why are you up and about, Satsuki? Is everything alright?"

Thoughts began streaming into his head even more now that he was completely awake and his heart grew worried as he stopped right beside Satsuki.

"Did anything happen to Nattsun?"

"Natsuki's fine," Satsuki replied, shaking his head briefly. "Since he's asleep, I decided to take over for awhile. I won't be up too long, though; saw the group's schedule for tomorrow and he's gonna need enough rest if he wants to make it through the day."

"Ah, that's true."

Reiji nodded, smiling lightly.

"That makes two of us then. Ai-Ai did warn us about tomorrow especially."

He stroked his chin thoughtfully as he examined Satsuki's face.

"So then... what is it about tonight that's keeping you awake, Satsuki?"

Satsuki narrowed his eyes, studying Reiji's face, and it did not take long for him to relinquish another sigh. "You up for a deep conversation?" He sauntered over to the midnight-blue sofa facing the glass wall overlooking the nightscape, took a seat on its left end, and patted on the empty space beside him. His tone was grave as his green eyes held the exact same emotions.

"If you are, sit here, Reiji. It'll take a while."

Without a moment of hesitation, Reiji allowed his own expression to turn more serious and nodded, following and taking a seat on the right end of the same sofa. Shifting and leaning back into the sofa, Satsuki inclined one arm against the backrest as he stared at Reiji in wordless silence, scrutinizing his expression, almost as though he was searching for something, whether it was uncertainty or doubt; none of which Reiji had. After a few moments trickled by like the river that slept for no one, the alter ego exhaled deeply and began in a quiet but firm voice.

"So Natsuki's been thinking about playing the violin again."

Satsuki shifted again, his green eyes deep with emotion, not nearly as harsh as they normally were.

"Not only for his own sake, but also for you and the rest of that quintet. As the guardian of his memories, I know for a fact that his violin-playing is powerful. If he plays the violin again and combines that with the skills that he already has, it is guaranteed to take him to even greater heights as a musician. Heart, dedication, skills... He has all of it and more. I think you, of all people, know that as much as I do."

His lips formed a rare, slight smile as Reiji himself smiled faintly and nodded. _That's our Nattsun, alright._

"And I know that he trusts me to give him the green light to let him reach out to that instrument again, just like I promised I would in the last letter I wrote to him. And to be honest, I'd be lying if I said that he's the only one between us two who's been thinking of when he'll be able to play the violin again. As I mentioned before, I am his protector as well as the one guarding his memories, meaning that I watch over him and evaluate whether or not he is strong enough to handle what could be extremely painful to remember or even touch then decide on what to do or not do." He looked directly into Reiji's eyes and his face softened ever so slightly. "And he's stronger now. So much stronger than he used to be, that's for sure. The Natsuki that was still trapped in STARISH would have been too terrified to touch the violin, let alone want to play that instrument. The question now is whether the time's right, to let him play the violin again."

Taking in a cold breath and relinquishing it into the deep silence, Satsuki averted his eyes away over to the window, where towering buildings were gleaming with blue, white, pink, green, yellow and other multifarious colours that painted the darkness of the night.

"If I were to be honest... it's not him who I don't believe in to make the right call. Right now... it's _me_."

Reiji's eyes widened in surprise and confusion, and concern seeped into his heart. "What do you mean, Satsuki?"

"Just because I make decisions regarding him all the time, it does not mean that I never get scared as to whether I am right or not." Satsuki's voice was almost grating, but Reiji knew that it was not directed at him, exactly. "And when it comes to that violin of all things, it does not only scare me." He paused for a brief second, his voice low. "It _petrifies_ me."

Satsuki gritted his teeth, pain flashing inside his normally-cold eyes.

"If I do mess up - and it sure ain't the first time I did and you know that - there's a chance he'll break. If you knew just how shattered he was on that wretched day he fell apart... You'd freaking _cry_ if you had been there and even thinking about it now hurts so much. I never want to see Natsuki broken like that ever again. That's why... it's taken me this long for me to give him the green light. Not because I don't trust him to be strong enough when a part of me knows that he really is. It's because more than anything, I... I don't want to end up breaking him by making the wrong move. _I'm_ the one... who has yet to gather enough strength... to let him move forward to the broken pieces of a twisted past."

He shook his head in self-derision, letting out a cold scoff, his teeth gritted even more.

"Pathetic, huh...? But at the end... I just don't want him to lose his smile ever again. That's... just how much Natsuki means to me. He's a brother to me, no matter how much the theories of Gemini Syndrome may suggest otherwise by logic."

Reiji looked down, trying his best to process everything and mull it over before saying another word. He had not at all expected a storm when he agreed to listen to Satsuki, but as they sat on the blue sofa in silence, Reiji could feel his heart cracking in sheer agony and sorrow. He remembered Natsuki once saying to him, _The more you love someone, the more terrified you are of losing them._ And when he said that during one of their sleepovers with Ai, Natsuki had been smiling a warm, pure smile that was also cracked Reiji's heart like a sharp crescendo against a vulnerable melody. Reiji felt the exact same way as Satsuki did; he did not want Natsuki to ever shatter or lose his smile even once - even the mere thought of either of those ever happening wrenched his heart painfully - and he knew that Ai, Ranmaru and Camus would say the same thing if they were here. It was not pathetic to be afraid because of this; it was all a part of what it meant to love and care about someone dear to you.

_But while we are afraid, we need to have courage too, even if it sounds contradictory. It's a paradox, really._

Loosening his fingers that were curled around the fabric of his navy blue sleeping trousers, Reiji slowly took a deep breath and let it out, piecing the thoughts together in his mind like they were stars to be woven into constellations.

_The strength to protect, after all... comes with courage._

"It's anything but pathetic, Satsuki."

Reiji began with a calm, quiet voice, facing Satsuki directly.

"I can understand how you feel. I did label myself as a coward for years and I know exactly what it feels like to be terrified that the choices I make might end up breaking the people that I love and care about the most. Considering that you see what Nattsun sees..." his lips twisted into a sad smile, "I'm sure you've seen me break down because of it." 

Satsuki nodded wordlessly, his eyes tight with painful understanding.

"But deep down... you know and believe that Nattsun is gonna be fine, right?"

Reiji smiled softly as Satsuki's eyes slowly widened.

"Nattsun has grown so, so much, all while remaining as the kind, sweet and precious Nattsun that we've always known and loved. No matter how much STARISH hurt him, no matter how much sadness and pain he has suffered for all of us, he has walked through all of it, all with his warm, genuine smile glowing in his big heart." His smile softened with his voice, emotions shrouding his own heart with their warmth. "And besides... he's not alone in this. He has you, me, Ai-Ai, Ran-Ran, Myu-chan, as well as Eli-chan, Ren-kun, Yuu-chan and so many other people who want nothing but the best for him. We will do everything we can for him. We love Nattsun so, so much, and that's one thing that'll never change. His past, his pain, his sadness, all of it... he won't be alone facing them, because we'll be right next to him when he does."

Scooting a bit closer to Satsuki, Reiji held out a curled fist and smiled earnestly.

"I won't tell you to not be afraid, but... have courage as you believe in him, and believe in us too... alright?"

Satsuki shifted his eyes down to the fist that Reiji was extending towards him and exhaled into the newly-found silence. "It ain't a secret that I hated all of you at first. You, Ai, Ranmaru, Camus - all of you. And I couldn't imagine trusting any of you with Natsuki and his feelings, let alone protecting him, even a little. That's how much I resented you lot." His voice was quieter than usual, but there was no trace of malice or hatred to be heard. "But I don't hate any of you now - not even a little. Through seeing all that I've watched you five go through together, all the times that you shared be it happy times or excruciating times, I slowly went from wanting to punch the living daylights out of you senpais to respecting you all whether I liked it or not. And more than that... you four ended up being the people that I trust with looking out for Natsuki the most. I can't lie about that."

His lips twitching to one side, Satsuki smiled slightly and sighed.

"You're right. He has us. You, me, the rest of the senpais... always."

He extended his left fist forward and the two males shared a fist-bump, exchanging sincere smiles amidst the spring night that had grown warmer like a silent but scintillating lamplight. Reiji chuckled a bit, remarking that this was the first time that he ever bumped fists with the alter ego, and Satsuki let out a good-natured scoff, stating to not get his hopes up high for another one, causing the brunet to whine in protest.

"Looks like Natsuki and I now have another thing in common."

"Hmm? What is it?"

"Our first bro-fists are with you. Even as uncool as you are, like Ranmaru said long ago."

"W- Hey!"

"But cool or not, you are family to Natsuki, and that's what matters the most," Satsuki remarked, his emerald eyes regaining its seriousness, even though they were not harsh. "Natsuki loves you for who you are and I can tell ya that even until now, he remembers that moment you shared with him his first fist-bump. He treasures it, as well as the fact that you were the first to share one with him." 

"So do I." Reiji nodded, smiling gently at the memory. "It was a real honour to be his first in that, as well as so many other things."

"It's good, ya know, to hear you mean those kinds of words, Reiji. It suits ya, being sincere and serious."

Satsuki stopped for a moment, turning his head over to the glass wall, staring into the colourful nightscape outside.

"Say... you four will protect him no matter what... right?"

Reiji's eyes widened a little, but soon his lips eased into a warm smile that glimmered inside his heart as he nodded firmly. "Yeap, no matter what. He's our dearest Nattsun, Satsuki. We'll always love him and protect him, just the way he is."

"It ain't halfhearted if it's coming from you, so I take your word for it."

Satsuki's features turned gentler and he faced Reiji again, nodding in acknowledgement.

"Thanks, Reiji."

Reiji smiled brightly and nodded, patting Satsuki on the shoulder. "Anytime, Satsuki-chan." Satsuki grimaced slightly at the nickname, but fortunately, he did not complain and merely sighed, rubbing the back of his head. Soon, he glanced towards Reiji and Natsuki's shared bedroom and spoke.

"You gotta head back to sleep soon. Or Ai and the rest will get on your case for being too slow. You wouldn't want a tripled schedule, right?"

"S-Satsuki-chan!" Reiji exclaimed in horror, shaking his head rapidly. "Don't bring that up! Ai-Ai's schedules are scary enough as it is, and the fact that only Nattsun's completely happy with those schedules is sayin' a lot!"

"Yeah." Satsuki smirked slyly. "Thank God I don't have to deal with a single one of those crazy schedules. As for you, Ranmaru and Camus... that's your problem."

"Satsuki-chan!"

"Speaking of sleep, I'll be heading back there once I'm done," Satsuki stated, pulling himself up from the sofa. He looked down at Reiji, his green eyes serious with resolve. "Now that I've talked with you, I've made up my mind. I'm going to write Natsuki a new letter." He paused. "I'd prefer it if I'm alone this time."

"I got ya, Satsuki-chan!" Reiji got up from the sofa, smiling reassuringly at Satsuki. "I'll just grab myself a mug of good 'o green tea and then head back into the bedroom to give you your space." He winked as he held up a thumbs-up sign. "Leave it to big bro Rei-Rei to give ya your peace and quiet!"

Satsuki snorted. "That would have been a bit more convincing if you were not called the noisiest of this lot. But that'll have to do."

"Hey! Ya can count on me, ya know!" Reiji laughed as Satsuki rolled his eyes. "But really. Feel free to knock if you need anything else, alright?"

"Hmph." 

Satsuki smirked slightly, crossing his arms. 

"Fair enough, Reiji."

Giving Satsuki one last pat on the back, Reiji smiled encouragingly and strolled briskly over to the kitchen area of the apartment, his muscles throbbing with fatigue. _Looks like Ai-Ai, Ran-Ran and Myu-chan may really get on my case tomorrow morning._ However, as he filled the electric kettle with normal water, Reiji chuckled as a light smile eased on his lips. _But this was more than enough reason to stay up later than I should be._

Looking over his shoulder towards the direction at which Satsuki was, Reiji felt his heart soften like the mist that painted the deep blue shrouding the crescent moon of the night sky.

_Tonight's warmth is anything but empty, isn't it, Nattsun and Satsuki-chan?_

Satsuki Shinomiya

The scenery at night was beautiful.

If he were to be honest, Satsuki could see why people like Natsuki and Reiji were drawn to what the outside world looked like when the sun had set and the sky had dipped into darkness. Standing by the wall made of thick but clear glass, Satsuki leaned his hand against the cold surface and heaved out a sigh that formed a shroud of white against the deep blue on the other side. The multifarious buildings with their neon lights and towering heights. The flickering lampposts that allowed white and tangerine to pool on the sidewalks and streets. The glowing Ferris Wheel that changed colours every 37 seconds in a particular, already-bright amusement park. The people and their vehicles that contributed to the noise that was as lively as it could sometimes be nostalgic. The river that reflected both the blue moonlight and innocently white starlight as it silently flowed throughout the imperfect darkness. The melodies resounding in the cold spring air. The moon and stars that got to see and hear everything, even if just fragments of each part of the seemingly-limitless world. 

It reminded him of himself. As much as he were definitely not a stationary object like the moon or stars were, Satsuki did watch over a certain world: Natsuki's world. Seeing and hearing everything, even if not all at once. And it was a world that was far from monochrome. It was far from perfect - granted - but it grew to be much more than what most people ever got. Natsuki gave to others so much more than he gave himself, and that pure kindness brought colour and light into even the coldest and most broken of hearts. He had suffered through years of that kindness and love being unreciprocated and taken for granted, but right now, he finally found a place where he could cry tears of warmth and happiness. He found people who loved him deeply, who would protect him from anything no matter what time of day it was, who reciprocated his pure, earnest feelings. People who would never disappear from his side regardless what happened. Even though Satsuki had struggled to believe it at first, he eventually came in terms with it, for those people proved it over and over again, for he could clearly see with his own eyes... that Natsuki was happiest with them and they with him. Satsuki was seeing, hearing and feeling a world that was even more beautiful than the night beyond that glass wall; a world in which the person that he cared about the most was protected and cherished and had grown incredibly strong, to the point that he could protect not only others, but himself.

_You said that you wanted to play us a river, Natsuki. A river that conveyed all that you have been given... You have always been the kindest and most selfless person I know and you still are, by a long shot, for that matter. And with that wish..._

Satsuki felt his own self unwind a little, his muscles less tense than before.

_You have found the strength to desire to play the instrument that had caused you so much pain all those years ago, even when you know... that it comes with excruciating hurt and sorrow._

A distinct clink interrupted his thoughts. Frowning, Satsuki turned around, only to find Reiji placing a steaming teacup on the glass coffee table. Reiji met Satsuki's eyes and smiled gently. "I thought a cup of green tea would do you some good too. Warm tea could bring out warm thoughts, don't ya think?" 

Letting out a quiet breath, Reiji pulled himself back up into standing position and his grey eyes were warm.

"Goodnight, Satsuki-chan. Nattsun would want ya to get enough sleep too."

"Goodnight." Satsuki was brief, but not harsh. "And thank you." Reiji grinned and waved as he retreated to his bedroom with his own cup of green tea. When the bedroom door closed behind the fedora-loving brunet, Satsuki allowed a slight smile to form on his face. _I gotta admit... he's got a real heart, regardless how rocky our start was, especially during our fight in the old man's mansion._

_When people like you are with him... I can have more faith._

Satsuki sighed, but it was not because his heart was heavy, especially with that smile lingering on his face.

_So now... onto that letter._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"So to clarify, you conversed with Satsuki on your own during the late hours of the night before, Reiji?"

"Yeap, Myu-chan!"

"And he didn't have the urge to punch you in the face even once?"

"Hey! Ran-Ran!"

"You mentioned that Satsuki was planning to write Natsuki a letter," Ai remarked, ignoring Reiji's protests as his teal eyes were thoughtful. "So in regards to that..."

Leaning his cheek into his palm, the teal-haired boy turned to Natsuki. 

"Natsuki, have you received the letter?"

The five members of the quintet were all having breakfast at the living room's coffee table with their music sheets for QUARTET NIGHT's newest group song lying in file folders on the blue sofa. After Natsuki and Reiji had woken up in their shared bedroom, the latter had told the former that he and Satsuki had had a conversation about him the other night, and the brunet was now telling Ai, Ranmaru and Camus about it. With the homely scent of scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and English Breakfast tea drifting through the cool atmosphere as he sat between Reiji and Camus, Natsuki gave Ai a faint smile and answered.

"I'm not too sure, actually, Ai-chan. I did search my and Rei-Rei's bedroom, but it wasn't there. So far, I haven't found any new letter from Sacchan, if he has finished writing it."

"If it is not in your chamber..." Camus contemplated, his eyes narrowed in focus as he stroked his chin, "... have you searched in your bag? Perhaps, he may have slipped it in between your belongings."

"Oh, that's true!" Natsuki beamed brightly. "I'll try searching there then. Thank you, Myu-chan!"

Camus smiled faintly. "Of course."

Being the nearest to Natsuki's yellow bag, Reiji reached out and handed it over to Natsuki, and the latter immediately gave him a warm, tight hug. "You're being really cute without even tryin', ya know, Nattsun." Natsuki smiled shyly as Reiji ruffled his hair with a chuckle, and he looked into his bag, searching for any sign of a letter from Satsuki. It was less than half a minute when his eyes widened in surprise. 

"Did ya find it, kiddo?"

Wanting to be sure, Natsuki pulled his flowery notebook out of the bag and took ahold of the piece of paper that had been slipped between its pages. As he felt Reiji wrap an arm around him and Camus scoot closer to him, Natsuki carefully unfolded the paper and his eyes immediately widened at the familiar handwriting in black ink. 

"Yep." His voice was soft. "It's a letter from Sacchan."

"Can we read it along with you, Nattsun?" Reiji asked as Ranmaru crossed his arms and Ai's eyes became even more curious. 

"You can, Rei-Rei, guys," Natsuki answered, looking around with a warm smile, and Ranmaru and Ai immediately took it as an invitation to get onto the sofa in front of which he, Reiji and Camus were sitting on cushions and lean forward to view the letter too. Natsuki chuckled lightly as Ranmaru ruffled his blond hair, and they began reading the letter together.

_"Dear Natsuki (and well, hello to you too, Reiji, Ranmaru, Ai and Camus, since I know that you guys are reading this too, with you five being one whole freaking package)..."_

Reiji let out a laugh as Camus and Ranmaru smirked, with Ai's eyes amused. 

"Where's the lie in that?" Ranmaru asked with a lopsided grin.

Natsuki chuckled and continued reading. In the letter, Satsuki started by telling him what Reiji had already explained to them, about the night before. Satsuki admitted that he had also had the same thoughts as Natsuki in regards to the violin, including when he would let the latter play that instrument again. _You're the person most important to me - my first priority -_ he had written, _and I would never forgive myself if I caused that same instrument to break you all over again._ He could hear Satsuki's voice in his head, almost as though the alter ego was right here verbally saying the words to him, and Natsuki smiled painfully as his heart wrenched at what he was reading. However, the letter proceeded to say that even though Satsuki was scared to let Natsuki take the next step forward, he had to have faith. Not only in Natsuki, whom he had an abundance in, but also in himself as well as the people who loved and cared about Natsuki.

_"As I sat at the glass coffee table gazing up at the night sky, I thought of how bright of a star you've become. You've come a long way, Natsuki, and through it all, you've become stronger and stronger and stronger. And even though it took awhile for me to accept Reiji, Ai and the rest, I grew to understand that you have found the place you belong in and that with them, you'll be fine regardless how tough times may be._ _So Natsuki... you've got my approval._

_"Find that instrument that you let go of all those years ago and begin playing it again."_

As his widened eyes welled up with tears and emotion, Natsuki could hear Satsuki's voice echoing deeply inside his head, a sincere smile amidst his voice, like a warm melody.

_"Play it... as you sing the river that was trapped by the broken memories of your heart, Natsuki. It will be a long, painful journey, but you will make it through this. Have faith in yourself and hold your head high, because you can do it._

_"With your heart's cadence, you will flow. Forward, earnestly and powerfully. You will."_

"Told ya you were doin' fine, kiddo."

A hand clasped itself upon the top of Natsuki's head and ruffled his blond hair. Turning, Natsuki looked up at Ranmaru, whose lips were curved into a proud smile as his heterochromatic eyes reflected the exact same smile.

"And that ain't gonna change. You're way tougher than most people give you credit for, and we all know that you'll be just fine. And the whole lot of us are gonna be with you every step of the way."

"We may not know what your past comprises of like Satsuki does, but nevertheless, it will not hinder us from being by your side," Camus stated firmly as he gave Natsuki's left shoulder a tight squeeze. He gave Natsuki a sincere smile. "Regardless how difficult and painful it will be, do not hesitate and never forget that you have all of us supporting you unconditionally."

"Satsuki-chan asked if the four of us would protect you no matter what."

Reiji intertwined his fingers with Natsuki's right hand and squeezed gently as his grey eyes glistened with radiant warmth.

"Just like back there, I speak for all of us when with all my heart, I say yes. No matter how broken the memories are, no matter how many tears fall, we are not letting you shoulder even a single drop of pain alone. It can be painful and even excruciating diving into the past, but we're all in this together and we are not changing that on you ever."

"You do not need to worry about being slow and careful either."

Ai wrapped his arms around Natsuki from behind and smiled softly.

"It is perfectly understandable. And we love you too much to ever want to coerce you past your limits. We really do."

"Ai's got that right."

"Precisely."

"Yep! We love you so, so much, Nattsun!"

Natsuki felt a warm smile glow like a lamplight in his heart as the five of them all joined together for a big group hug, tender emotions seeping throughout his soul like the river that would never have flowed if not for them. _Thank you, Sacchan._ He closed his eyes as he felt Reiji lean closer on his shoulder, his two hands intertwined with the brunet's and Camus'. _It means so, so much that you trust all of us, that you believe in us. The river from the instrument that I had forgotten a lot about... Together, we will let it flow again._

As he tightened his fingers around Reiji and Camus' and let himself fall deeper into his closest friends' warmth, Natsuki quietly hoped that deep inside of him, Satsuki was smiling too.

_I hope that as I begin to sing this river back to life... you feel warm on the inside too, Sacchan._

_"The darkness of a dust cloud, even as I wander,_

_I have heard kindness"_

\- "Southern Cross Waltz", by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kisho Taniyama)


	63. Eclipsed Crescendo

Syo Kurusu

Syo knew that he was not at all inferior to his band members.

He was an exceptional violinist who could easily maintain a consistent play while jumping and waltzing from one platform to another in a fiery live show. He was the shortest but managed to stand tall as a performer despite his lack of height compared to everyone else. He stood out well as a STARISH member and as one of the most popular in the band, commonly known and lauded for his resonating charisma, vibrant zeal and courage, sheer determination and strength, both as a performer and as a person. In addition to that, his eye for fashion helped enhance not only himself but his band members too, which they all had acknowledged from time to time. He stood tall and strong as both a STARISH member and as an idol; there was no denying it.

 _I never give in without a fight. I never let anyone throw me into the background or slam me to the ground no matter how strong or tough they are, no matter how talented or bright they are, no matter how much more experience they may have_ , Syo thought as he swung the bow back and forth against the strings of the violin in a powerful, quick-paced rhythm. _I give everything I've got and surge on at full throttle! I didn't slack off or hold back to get to where I am today._

_I don't just let others... surpass me as they please._

As the melody blazed throughout the empty practice room like a rush of flames, Syo drew the bow along the strings in an even more intense sweep as the thoughts combusted through his head restlessly.

_I don't ever wanna be outshone..._

Memories seared through his head like a wildfire and he gritted his teeth at the figure of a particular, tall blond male with glasses and a split-personality disorder, at the recollection of what he had found out not too long ago, his heart darkened.

 _Especially by_ you _._

It felt even worse than a punch in the gut when Tokiya revealed that Natsuki's composing skills were rising back up to the surface after being mainly locked away in his heart for years. And it felt even more infuriating than a slap in the face when Syo heard Ren and other members consistently praising their former band member's talent and louder than an explosion when an oblivious Otoya asked if it meant that Natsuki was back to playing the violin. Was Natsuki - that dimwit - freaking _serious_? First, he gave the whole lot of STARISH heaps and heaps of problems with his freaking, cursed Gemini Syndrome and becoming closer and closer to all of QUARTET NIGHT especially Reiji and Ai. Then, after Syo, Tokiya and Masato kicked him out, he grew to be a freaking threat not only as an idol with sheer talent and range, but as a freaking _composer_ for that wretched quintet when he never had a hand in composing even a single note for STARISH group songs. And now there was a chance that he, of all people, was going back to playing the instrument that he had quit playing years and years ago? And not just any instrument.

Syo swept the bow across the strings even more forcefully, clenching his teeth tightly.

But the _violin_. The exact same freaking instrument that Syo specialized in.

He already moved on to playing the viola flawlessly and now he might end up playing both the viola _and_ the violin? 

"This is a literal joke!"

Syo yelled out, snatching the violin off his shoulder as he spat out a curse, frustration spiralling inside of him like a vortex of flames as ashes burned over and over again. His chest heaving up and down as he felt the sweat stuck to his clothes, Syo squeezed his eyes shut tightly, his teeth gritted as the confidence that he had tried to maintain wavered at the possibility roaming around his head. He nearly wished that Tokiya never brought the composing matter up and that Otoya kept his mouth shut about the chances of Natsuki playing the violin again. Natsuki was a freaking natural! He worked hard, yes, but the fact that he was a prodigy made him way more of a threat than Syo ever wanted and needed him to be. 

_Don't get the freaking wrong idea_ , Syo snarled in his head, knowing what people may think if they were to see him like this. _I know that something awful happened to Natsuki that made him quit the violin when he was still a kid. I didn't wish ill on him then if that's what you think; I am not that horrible of a person to wish my own childhood friend trauma, for God's sake! But I'd be lyin' if I said that I was not the slightest bit_ relieved _when Natsuki quit playing the violin. It didn't really seem to matter why he quit, not gonna lie; I was just really, really glad when the person that could easily outshine me in what I do - my biggest rival at that moment - quit so that I did not have to worry about losing to him._

_But looks like freaking life came back to bite and mock me in the face by slowly bringing his inner prodigy back out into the open for him and the rest of QUARTET NIGHT to benefit from, including against me and the STARISH guys._

Natsuki as a child prodigy had been a real threat in all those violin recitals that the two competed in as children. If he was already threatening then, how about now, years later, as a young adult who also knew how to play a second instrument?

_Why couldn't he just keep his past locked away like he had been all along? Freaking-_

A couple of knocks interrupted his vortex of thoughts and the door opened.

"Syo, I was looking for y-"

Tokiya furrowed his eyebrows when his eyes met Syo's.

"You don't look fine. Are you okay?"

"How can I freaking be when thoughts of Natsuki keep stalking me around?" Syo questioned, shaking his head as he dropped his violin and bow to a nearby chair and gripped a fistful of his pale blond hair. "This is driving me insane, Tokiya! We kicked him out 'cause we deemed him useless to our group, and yet look at him now! What if Otoya's right and he really ends up going back to playing the violin or already has? He was talented already as a kid; if he goes back to playing that violin, how am I suppose to stand out when put next to him?"

Syo ranted, his blood boiling with anger and pain as he clenched his fists.

"I don't want him dragging me, you and the rest of the group down! Okay, I'm still the only violinist in STARISH, but what about in the freaking Shining Stars? I don't want people goin' around comparing us and seeing him like-"

"That is actually what I came to talk to you about."

"About Natsuki being crazy talented-"

"No, about the Shining Stars," Tokiya interrupted, crossing his arms. "Shining-san made an announcement in the Shining Stars group chat. He expects all eleven of us to attend a meeting in regards to the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project. I personally believe that this meeting was scheduled because all eleven solo songs have been released."

"Not this nonsense." Syo groaned, gritting his teeth. "Seeing him and those senpais is the last thing I freaking need right now and you know it, Tokiya."

Tokiya nodded briefly. "I understand how you feel, but Shining-san said that the meeting is mandatory and Aijima-san and the others are waiting for us in the living room to talk about the announcement." He smiled slightly. "So let's go. Hijirikawa-san made tea and I'm sure it'll help ease your thoughts."

Syo sighed heavily. "Fine. Hate to admit it, but you're right, Tokiya. Just give me a bit to pack up."

"Alright."

Tokiya leaned against the door frame as Syo searched for his violin case and found it lying on a nearby table.

"And I'd see the meeting as an advantage if I were you."

"Huh?" Syo was puzzled as he turned to face Tokiya again, only to find a calm smile on the taller STARISH member's face. He furrowed his eyebrows. "You have a plan up your sleeve, don't you, Tokiya?"

"I do."

Tokiya's turquoise eyes glinted with intent and Syo knew that the cool-headed male was as composed and serious as ever. Both which Syo needed now more than anything.

"But now's not the right time. I'll tell you later, after our meeting with the other STARISH members."

Camus

The first step towards Natsuki regaining the ability to play the violin, as outlined by Satsuki in his most recent letter, was not by brashly bringing the instrument over and letting the innocent blond touch it, let alone attempt to play it. Neither was it to attempt to coerce the memories out of Natsuki's heart; that was something that all of them absolutely would _not_ resort to. Instead, the first step was cautious and grounded with logic and empathy, as it should be.

They had to reverse back to the music files that Eli had collected in regards to the violin prodigy that Natsuki had been as a child, particularly the songs that the latter had been unable to listen to until the end due to the emotions there being too much to handle, at his own unforced pace, stopping whenever deemed necessary. However, the catch was that he was not only to listen to those songs from start until finish. He needed to reach into the depths of their melodies and connect with them and there was a key phrase.

The phrase to bear in mind was _"memory into memory."_

"So this song... it was definitely the first song that you performed after you lost your memories."

Reiji paused the audio clip and adjusted his black fedora as he gave Natsuki an encouraging smile.

"We know that it's still really painful for ya, but we're going to create a memory that while connected to this song, is also a memory that you'll remember with that pure Nattsun smile of yours. We have plenty of time, so there's no rush. Even as you do your best," he winked with a genuine smile, "don't forget to have fun with the flow, alright?"

Natsuki was still somewhat tense, his eyes vividly reflecting that, but he took a deep breath and exhaled it, giving Reiji a warm smile in return. Admittedly, Camus had initially believed that Reiji's idea might have been too far-fetched and eccentric, but after giving it more thought, he decided that this would actually do, as bizarre as it sounded. Standing in the empty grand theatre, Camus neatened his black lounge jacket and white gloves as he took in the elegant, grandiose surroundings. The overhead lamps were a scintillating white that illumined not only the broad, beige wooden stage and its open red curtains, but also the rows of dark red chairs and the low black stairs lined with gold that descended past them, as well as the polished mahogany walls. As timeless as the place's physical appearance suggested it to be, the colours were as spotless as they elevated the sheer resplendence of the theatre; it was simply aesthetic. 

Looking around, Camus mentally noted where everyone was, well aware that they were at least close to where they should be positioned as per their consensus. For this particular round - specifically, the first round - the audience would comprise of Ai and Ranmaru, whereas the performers were to be Natsuki, Reiji and Camus. As unconventional as the idea may be, it was rather simple to comprehend. The three performers were to do impromptu acting as a live performance in front of an audience of two. They were to start at different positions and then after Ai switched off majority of the lights and left the theatre in near darkness, Ranmaru would use the remote to trigger the audio of the song and they would take it as their cue to start in the order that they had agreed upon - Reiji, Camus, Natsuki - taking it as seriously as they would take an actual show. 

It was a truel that centred around their abilities to be fluid, enigmatic and subtle while blurring the lines between sinister darkness and implying light, all while moving to blend with the rhythm of the violin. To further match the occasion, all five of them were wearing elegant suits, as well as fedoras that Reiji insisted they wore and utilized for this activity. Having booked the theatre in advance for one hour, they had all started with a few repetitions of the basic movements in regards to the art of enigmatic subtlety, as the four senpais had demonstrated to their innocent Natsuki when they first introduced him to this performance art. The first piece that a young, traumatized Natsuki had performed as a child not long before disappearing from the music industry was as dark as it was left chills dripping and dribbling one's spine, as depressing as it was utterly gut-wrenching, and it was the perfect piece for this activity. Thus, this activity was mutually agreed upon in order to help Natsuki cope with his trauma and connect even deeper with this song that he had composed out of brokenness, all while creating a memory that would resonate in place of the pain that was already attached to the song. Nodding briefly, Camus looked directly at Natsuki with folded arms and spoke.

"As much as you are aware that Reiji and I are the most experienced in this form of art and will not be holding back, do not allow yourself to be deterred. You practised repetitively and covered the basics well and it all comes down to application and unique interpretations." Camus gave Natsuki a slight smirk. "Take this as a challenge from not only myself and Reiji, but also Ranmaru and Ai, all as you take a step closer to overcoming your past hindrances."

He gave Natsuki a pat on the shoulder and his smirk turned into a slight smile.

"The key is to proceed regardless how much you may struggle. Understand?"

Natsuki nodded with a warm smile, thanking both Camus and Reiji, and they smiled back, with the latter giving him a tight hug, all three of them currently amidst the middle rows of seats. Camus looked up at Ai, who was at the very top and positioned near the light switch, and down at Ranmaru, who was standing at the centre of the stage with the remote in his right hand. Both males faced him and nodded as though to say that they were ready, with Ranmaru raising a thumbs-up sign.

_"Sometimes it is only when the lights dim away when the deepest crevices of a glass heart can be visible to the soul's eyes."_

As Reiji, Natsuki and Camus headed straight to their respective positions, the latter vividly recalled the monologue that the group's innocent blond had come up with upon listening to the song and being plunged into blurs and snarls of memories that he had yet to truly fathom and decipher. Staying put at the bottom of the staircase of the theatre's right side, Camus observed as Reiji propped one elbow against the wall on the top-left corner near the exit of the theatre while Natsuki stood in the very centre of the middle rows of the audience, his left hand gripping the backrest of the chair in front of him. Inwardly, Camus smiled.

_"But I can't see. I can't see anything but those broken pieces."_

As bizarre as this activity was, this was quite the interesting predicament.

_"Light... Where is the light?"_

If Natsuki could truly immerse himself in this activity, Camus was certain that this would be more than effective; it would be significant progress for his well-being. After receiving nods of confirmation from both Reiji and Natsuki, he swivelled around to face Ai and gave him a brief nod. Ai nodded in understanding and took it as his cue to wordlessly count to three as the five of them stood far apart from one another amidst the enigmatic silence of the grand theatre. He turned to Natsuki, who exhaled with his eyes closed, and smiled faintly.

_Best wishes, Natsuki._

At the silent flicking of the right switches that Ai had memorized through trial and error, the warm brightness gradually began to fade like a candlelight in the howling wind. Those simple triggers were adequate to leave the theatre in near nothing but dim darkness; bright enough to make out silhouettes, figures and shadows and dark enough to force one to be in close proximity to view another's facial expressions. Once the light had stopped diminishing, Camus turned and Ranmaru pressed the button on the remote control for the music to begin playing. Since Camus was at the lowest part of the stairs, and thus near the stage, he had a clear view of Ranmaru and could see the seriousness in the silver-haired rocker's grey and magenta eyes. He may not be able to see Ai, who was at the top of the theatre, but he knew that the teal-haired boy had a similar expression on his face, sharing the exact same wishes that they all did, and that itself brought a form of satisfaction to Camus.

_Begin._

As soon as the word echoed inside Camus' head, precisely as mentally timed, the violin started with its first note through a low, near sinister tone that resembled the dipping of light into shadows. At that very moment, the first cue was made and Camus looked up and saw Reiji make his move from the left side of the highest level of the theatre. The Reiji that was performing in the darkness was not at all the cheerful, exuberant and maracas-loving brunet that was easily pinpointed as the group's joker. Instead, the aura that he was radiating was the exact opposite of what strangers perceived him to be as he strode along the floor with measured, unhurried footsteps, his hands calmly dipped into his pockets, his black fedora overshadowing the upper part of his face including his grey eyes. As the violin continued with its ominous rhythm and flickers of dim hope, Reiji increased his pace slightly and did a half-spin as he reached the top of the staircase, tilting his fedora down as he dipped his head fluidly; he was undoubtedly the epitome of a performer's duality. Nevertheless, Camus was not about to let himself be upstaged by anyone or anything, even him.

As soon as Reiji began his descend down the steep staircase, the violin made a sharp note and it was Camus' turn to begin.

At this very moment, the brightest part of the theatre was the stage, whereas the darkest theatre was the highest level where Reiji came from and Ai remained. Taking this fact into account, Camus already had an idea at play. With a slight smirk, Camus stalked towards the stage, almost as though he was drawn to its light, and just as he was a hair away from making contact with its edge, he undid the sole button keeping the two ends of his suit jacket together and felt the fabric cascade in a spiral as he gyrated back to face the staircases and audience rows, his expression darkening with the smile on his lips. Reiji was already making his way down the left staircase while Natsuki was still waiting for his cue. Without an act of hesitation, Camus slipped his gloves further in place and sauntered towards the right staircase, making his way up in the direction opposite of Reiji's. While Reiji had an early lead, neither he nor Camus had quite reached the floor level where Natsuki was standing.

_"Sometimes it is when the light is at its brightest when the darkness is most painful." That was the conundrum that your younger self had suffered upon amidst the creation of that composition._

A few seconds away from his cue, Natsuki's eyes remained shut, his grip on the backrest unchanged as he stood near motionless as both Camus and Reiji drew closer, their footsteps silently challenging him.

_How will your present self fare in this state of affairs, throughout a game in which we play as opposing parties? In which you simply cannot allow your light to be pushed into a dark corner._

_In this scene where words are prohibited..._

Remembering how pure determination had been reflected in Natsuki's eyes when he agreed to attempt this activity, Camus narrowed his eyes as he took note of both of his opponents' positions.

_Show us._

The violin's tune turned sharper and Natsuki immediately opened his eyes, his expression serious with conviction, and much to Camus' slight surprise, made his way towards Reiji, who was nearer to him than Camus was. _He had only two options - me or Reiji - and he chose the one that gave him less time or space. Interesting enough. Then again, his options were limited from the start._ Camus intentionally slowed his pace and turned to head along a row that was a few levels below where Natsuki was, eyeing the younger blond discreetly as he drew closer to Reiji. The violin was regaining its low melody, appearing to approach a soundless demise as its lonely voice was diminished. _What is your first move?_

Taking his time threading past the row of chairs, Camus did a brief spin as Natsuki reached mere centimetres away from Reiji, the two latter males locking eyes with each other. Abruptly, the violin let out a sharp cry and Natsuki's arm lunged forward and seized ahold of Reiji's shoulder. Before Reiji or Camus could even react, Natsuki spun Reiji around, smoothly switching positions with the brunet as though the two were in the middle of a dance, and leaned forward to seemingly mouth into the older male's ear before letting out a soft, timed exhale. Reiji appeared to be in shock as Natsuki pulled away and tilted his fedora up with a slight, enigmatic smile curved on his lips, and Camus smirked knowing that he ought to step deeper into the ongoing scene now that the challenge had become a declaration of war. _A bold start we're having, are we not?_ Just as Natsuki was about to turn away, Reiji grabbed him by the tie and dragged him forward until their faces were extremely close, a slight smirk tugging at his lips as he held up an index finger against Natsuki's lips with his free hand. _However, it was gladly reciprocated._ Although his eyes did widen, Natsuki was quick to recover as he pulled away from Reiji and stepped backwards up higher on the staircase, a small but knowing smile forming on his face as the brunet grinned as Camus inwardly smiled.

_He succeeded in delving into this scene. But... this game is far from over._

As a reminder that there was a third person in this game, Camus waltzed into the scene, now standing between Reiji and Natsuki. Presented with two opponents, Camus decided to make his mark starting with the former, who was nearer to him, before proceeding to challenge the latter. Picking up his pace with the growing sound and speed of the violin, Camus leapt two steps up to where Reiji currently was, and he gave the brunet a mocking bow with a taunting smile, two things that he had perfected upon the usage of his butler persona. Reiji gave him a firm push on the shoulder, but Camus merely smirked as he stepped back once, advanced forward, and forced the brunet to stumble back and sit against the backrest of one of the row's chairs, pinning him in place, towering over the older male. 

_Check_ , Camus mouthed the chess term to Reiji and the latter narrowed his grey eyes as the song progressed in a nearly hushed manner, the melody depicting the emotions of a child that was nearly numb amidst its movements in a thickening fog whilst being trapped in his heart's glass maze. However, Reiji's lips formed a lighthearted smile, almost as though the roles were reversed, and a shadow began to loom over Camus. As Camus kept Reiji pinned down and straightened himself, a hand suddenly pushed him to the point that he was forced to lean back against the front chair's backrest and his lips curled into an amused smirk as he found himself staring up at Natsuki, who was leaning forward towards him with his foot propped against an armrest near Reiji and an arm pressed onto his own knee. Tilting his head to his right innocently, Natsuki placed an index finger at his own lips with a soft smile that would have been harmless if not for the premise, and Camus' smirk darkened as he grabbed the younger blond's hand and prompted him to pull his hand away, allowing himself to be freed. Stepping backwards, Camus adjusted the collar of his striped shirt as he faced Natsuki and Reiji, the three of them now having a significant amount of space between them.

The violin was revved back up to life like an engine, its melody as intense as it was vicious, and without so much as a second glance, the three of them separated from one another and began walking even faster than before, regardless whether past the rows of audience seats or down the stairs. It was rather akin to a thriller in which three hunters were roaming around the same forest, in search of the other two, knowing fully well that he was being hunted as well. It was almost like the theatre were a forest engulfed in a thick white fog that could easily swallow them alive if they let their guards down, dangerous with silent thorns that might as well be near identical to slivers of glinting glass. As Camus descended down the audience rows, he made sure to take detours through certain rows, knowing that he could not reach the lowest level too soon or his moves would be too restricted. Slipping his fingers along the backrests, Camus did a couple of smooth pirouettes along his strides in time with the near piercing violin and he found that both Reiji and Natsuki had not reached the lowest floor either, most likely aware of the same fact as Camus. While Reiji was ahead of Camus by three floors, Natsuki was moving across a row behind Camus, neither of them displaying the slightest waver in their resolve. 

_This is exactly as it should be_ , Camus thought as his unbuttoned lounge jacket billowed with each step he took, his mind recalling the memories prior to this very moment in relation to this violin piece. _A truel in which every individual, as dissimilar as they may be, give everything without even the most marginal of restraints, and even more than they perceived themselves to be capable of._

Camus remembered how Natsuki's green eyes had been tight with pain and sadness that were near to trauma itself when the five of them sat together in the living room listening to the few pieces that he had been unable to bring himself to finish before. That was several months ago, on the day Eli first sent Natsuki the audio files of all of his self-composed violin pieces. The kind blond had been unable to finish listening to the final four songs without the pain being too much of a mental and emotional strain on him and knowing that him coercing himself would severely hurt him, he and the rest of them all immediately stopped, agreeing that it was not time to listen to those four pieces fully yet. Camus, as well as Reiji, Ai and Ranmaru, had never forgotten the shattered emotions piercing through Natsuki's green eyes that were wide with tears, even as the younger male failed to fathom the excruciating emotions torturing his heart, and he definitely never ceased to remember how they had all held the younger blond in pure consolation and reassurance, with them silently promising and swearing that they would never allow that broken past to repeat itself ever again, regardless what it was. 

_The association with what was forgotten evidently did not cease in that time of suffering and weakness, for even as he wandered through the fog of a thickening pain, his footsteps never retreated, like how one simply does not surrender in an intense waltz that coupled as a duel._

Camus also remembered how Natsuki had taken quite some time to comprehend the concepts of this kind of performance art. He had started off extremely oblivious and awkward, uncertainty evident during practices in which he were to copy basic moves as demonstrated by the rest of QUARTET NIGHT. However, he had not stopped trying there and then - far from it - for he even took the time to learn after long days of idol work, watching videos of examples, repeating the moves that they had shown him and discovering and channelling his own uniqueness into the art. He had practised and persevered and at this very moment, all of the effort and emotion that had been poured into the art was being painted to life in this work of art. Twirling down the last couple of steps, Camus swivelled around and smirked when he found that Natsuki and Reiji were not far from reaching the lowest floor. He challenged them with his eyes when his met theirs and he tauntingly began circling along the floor, and when Reiji gave an equally-goading smirk with the subtle tip of his black fedora and Natsuki gave a sideways glance with a gentle smile that was a little too convincing, Camus' lips curled even more and he jutted his chin towards himself. Reiji was the first of the two to reach where Camus was, closely followed by Natsuki, and as the violin melody spiralled in a wild, bone-chilling melody in its whirlwind pace, the three males moved around one another painstakingly in a large circle, each eyeing the other two as they all took careful measured steps that matched one another's.

_Last segment. Ending in ten..._

As the violin's rhythm continued to amplify amidst its sheer intensity, Camus was the first to stop moving in the circle and abruptly spun around to face the other two males. Swiftly selecting his target, he fluidly stalked towards the oldest of the three and forced Reiji to bend backwards with an index finger jabbed against his neck, meant to resemble a small but sharp knife. _Seven._ However, Reiji was also quick to select his victim as even with a compromising position, he smiled at Camus while his right hand formed a finger gun gesture and pointed at Natsuki's head, whereas Natsuki, left with only one person to pinpoint, narrowed his eyes into an unusually-serious expression and rested crossed fingers that were formed by his right hand against Camus' back as he used his free left hand to grip Reiji's wrist of the hand pointing a gun motion to his head.

" _Trois_ ," Natsuki whispered the number three in French, with these last moments being the sole time in this performance in which verbal words were allowed, a hint of a smile in his soft voice.

The violin continued its deadly sweeps, resembling fearful and feared strides throughout the hunt-like truel, as the three remained in position, neither giving in.

" _Deux_ ," Reiji muttered, his tone low as his grey eyes glinted.

Reiji grinned; Natsuki smiled lightly; and Camus smirked, all as they locked eyes.

" _Un_ ," Camus finished, his silent voice sinister with intent.

The three of them edged closer and the violin's melody ceased immediately, allowing all of the tension that had been built up to dissipate like a hurricane sweeping away a thick fog. Switches were flicked and the lights glowed back to life, illumining the theatre with a warmth that had been jarringly absent in their performance alongside the violin piece. They lowered their hands and took a step away from one another as they collectively inhaled and exhaled, their chests heaving up and down as they stared at one another. 

"Wow," Reiji breathed, his grey eyes wide with awe as a smile slowly broke across his face. "Myu-chan... Nattsun..."

Without any warning, the leader of QUARTET NIGHT threw his arms around both Camus and Natsuki and laughed happily.

"That was incredibly intense and amazing, you guys! It was a super fun ride from start 'til finish; big bro Rei-Rei would love to have another go at it! I even got chills throughout those minutes!"

"You ain't the only one, Reiji."

Leaping down from the stage, Ranmaru grinned as he approached them, his arms crossed as the three of them pulled away from the hug.

"That was real impressive. The whole lot of you moved in time with the music and put up a real fight to the point that I couldn't tell who would win at the end. You were crazy in sync, I tell you, and that ain't at all easy to achieve."

"The three of you drew me into your performance from the very start," Ai stated as he calmly stepped down the left staircase, "and the fact that I was unable to predict your movements made it even more enthralling than I expected it to be."

He placed a hand on Natsuki's shoulder and smiled slightly.

"I was admittedly concerned when you remained still before your cue came. However, you sincerely surprised me and your courage did not waver even as you performed with two much more experienced individuals of this field and alongside a song that was filled with immeasurable pain and sadness." His eyes glimmered. "You did extremely well."

Natsuki's eyes were filled with emotion. "Ai-chan..."

"I knew I was in for a ride of twists and turns the moment I saw the look in your eyes and you grabbed and turned me around," Reiji remarked, wrapping his arms around Natsuki as he beamed. "You made it an even bigger challenge right there and then and I knew I had to keep my eye out for both you and Myu-chan if I wanted to keep up. You improved so, so much, Nattsun; we are all so proud of you!"

"One of the main purposes of this activity was to attach to this self-composed violin piece a memory that was worth remembering, that would be recalled not with sadness or agony but with a true smile," Camus spoke, crossing his arms. He faced Natsuki and smiled faintly. "I can clearly see the radiance in your expression, Natsuki, as well as recall the strength you exhibited throughout the performance. Therefore, is it accurate to say that the purpose has been fulfilled?"

"I was only able to get this far because you guys are here with me," Natsuki said, a warm smile glistening in his kind green eyes. "It's because of you guys that I was brave enough to even face this song, let alone dance along its rhythm to overcome its painful emotions little by little. Creating a memory that can glow past the dark memories, forming a rhythm alongside this song's painful cadence... Melody into melody, memory into memory..."

He rubbed the back of his neck shyly as his smile softened.

"I'm happy that it's a memory that I got to share with you guys."

"And there's plenty more from where that came from!" Reiji proclaimed with a wide smile, wrapping his arms around Natsuki as everyone smiled. "Say, do you guys wanna go next, Ran-Ran, Ai-Ai?"

"Well, the two of us can't just sit here and do nothing after the show that you three put on," Ranmaru responded, a grin spreading across his face as he folded his arms. He turned to Ai. "What do you say, Ai? You and me in a one-on-one duel?"

"I have no issue with this," Ai answered, a slight smile forming on his face. "However, I have one request." He looked around at everyone. "Seeing that we still have forty minutes in the theatre, after Ranmaru and I have our duel, could I request that I perform with everyone at least once, regardless if a duel or truel? I would like to experience the different combinations with each of you."

"Of course, Ai," Camus replied with a satisfied smile. "A performance with you in this setting sounds rather intriguing."

"It'll be super fun, our precious Ai-Ai!" Reiji agreed as Natsuki nodded with a bright smile.

Ai nodded with a sincere smile. "Thank you." He faced Ranmaru and his smile turned a little mischievous. "This is sure to be an engaging experience."

"Same here." Ranmaru smirked as he patted Ai on the shoulder, his heterochromatic eyes as competitive as they were determined. "You'd better not be pullin' any punches, 'cause I sure ain't."

His lips curled into a darker smirk.

"Bring it on, Ai."

"So now to decide on the starting positions..." Reiji began, and the five of them began to discuss the details of Ai and Ranmaru's duel. Both of them wanted to perform alongside the same violin piece that was utilized in the previous truel, and so all that was left was to determine each QUARTET NIGHT member's position and the roles of the three serving as observers. 

As Reiji, Ai and Ranmaru headed up the staircases towards their respective positions, Camus and Natsuki walked towards the stage, where the latter would replay the music and the two of them would observe from. Standing on the bright platform, Camus placed a hand on Natsuki's back, giving him a silent smile. 

_The young boy that was you were had struggled as he ran away from the ever-thickening fog, with a heart that was racing as much as it was shattering with each pulsate, with eyes wide with fear and anguish. However, the Shinomiya Natsuki in this very moment has made the decision to surely but carefully thread deeper into the fog, to listen to the rhythm of the torturous forest, regardless what the painful forgotten that awaits him may be._

Natsuki smiled gently in return and the fact that the smile reached his soft green eyes made Camus' smile spread a little more into his own heart, like a fog that consoled rather than induced fear.

_So now... let the five of us continue with this consistent pace in our mutually accepted waltz._

"Are you ready, Ranmaru, Ai?"

Ai Mikaze

_"Outshine."_

_There are two definitions for this particular term. As defined by the Oxford Dictionary, the first definition states that to "outshine" is simply to "shine more brightly than". The second definition, which is actually an extension to the first, is to "be much better than (someone) in a particular area". There is a diverse assortment of synonyms for the word "outshine", but two synonyms that especially intrigue and resonate with me are "eclipse" and "overshadow". When two bright lights are placed next to each other, people have a tendency to take notice of and be drawn to the brighter of the two, regardless if either light intended to garner more attention than the other. There are numerous situations in which people are compelled by pressure to outshine one another, such as in nationwide competitions involving things such as modelling, acting and dancing, or even simple day-to-day photo shoots._

_However, to outshine someone else is quite often the willing choice of an individual, even if they are not directly forced to do it._

Sitting in the vast meeting room with the rest of QUARTET NIGHT, Ai glanced up at the clock hanging on the plain white wall as he looked through a fashion magazine that he had borrowed from Reiji out of curiosity. There were approximately 16 minutes until the meeting was due to begin and throughout his reading, he had come across an article about the latest episode of a famous modelling competition in the country. Apparently, the latest episode involved the contestants being paired up for the photo shoot and had the theme of outshining or being outshone as they competed to stay for another round in the competition. Tilting his head slightly, he read the article and his eyes narrowed at what he was discovering. After the first few paragraphs, he stopped and turned to his best friends.

"Reiji."

"Yes, Ai-Ai?" Reiji asked as he paused the video that he, Natsuki and Ranmaru had all been watching. He looked down at the magazine and smiled. "Ah, you're reading about the ongoing modelling competition, aren't ya?"

"I overheard several staff members discussing it during our modelling job in the morning," Camus mentioned as he raised his head from his novel and set down his cup of Earl Grey tea. "Based on what I recall, it is a prestigious competition, with a renowned panel of judges, strict casting and emphasis on high fashion and excellence."

"Heard it's real cutthroat," Ranmaru stated, and Natsuki's eyes were concerned. "The modelling industry's already brutal with its standards as it is, but this competition is in its own league of crazy too."

"Did any of you, by chance, watch the latest episode?" Ai inquired.

All of them shook their heads.

"What is it, Ai-chan?" Natsuki asked, tilting his head slightly.

"Based on the information that I have gathered from this article, to put it simply, certain contestants went to utmost extremities to attempt to ensure the other's elimination from the competition."

Ai narrowed his eyes as he shook his head.

"Even resorting to bullying, with one model elbowing her fellow rival in front of the camera."

"E-Ehh?" Reiji exclaimed in utter shock, slinging an arm around Ai as he stared down at the article. "I know I haven't kept up with the latest from that show, but I'm pretty sure things were just fine a few rounds ago! Where did _bullying_ come from?"

"Talk about low," Ranmaru remarked, his eyes flashing with sheer disapproval as Natsuki lowered his head in hurt. "You don't make people feel awful about themselves just so you can try and grasp stardom. Dragging people down does not bring you up higher! What part of that do people just not get?"

"If you wish to see the actual occurrence," Camus said, holding up his ice-blue mobile phone, his eyes filled with pure distaste, "someone has uploaded a compilation of the episode's horrendous events on social media." He let out a cold scoff. "Even the thumbnail is already as sickening as it is."

"If the producers did nothin' about this, I'm so freaking done," Ranmaru commented, cursing a few times. "Play it, Camus. I wanna know what went down."

Reiji, Ai and Natsuki agreed as well, so once everyone was gathered around Camus, the platinum-blond count pressed the Play button, allowing them to proceed past the thumbnail in which a crying girl was being cornered by three others in the fitting room area. The video started with about half of the contestants plotting against a certain girl who had been excelling in the competition. They played with her insecurities, mocked her disabled mother and questioned how she could be so sure her family loved her when she was "ugly", "weak" and other cruel names that they called her, and they even spat in her food when her back was turned. Ranmaru cursed and Natsuki quietly shook his head as the video showed the bullied model being elbowed and nearly tripped by her fellow competitor in the photo shoot for which they had been paired together, and Ai felt himself grimace as Camus and Reiji gritted their teeth at the sight. Thankfully, the photographer threatened to kick the bully off the set if she continued harassing the girl and during the evaluations, the judges gave their first and last warning to all the girls who had participated in the bullying, with the footage being shown during the judging. 

"What some lowlifes would do just so that they get a better shot at rising to the top," Ranmaru muttered in sheer disgust, spitting out a soft curse. "It serves 'em right that the girl they're harassing is doin' way better than they can ever hope to. Thank God the judges aren't indifferent scums themselves and actually care about the participants' welfare."

"Ran-Ran's right. I was actually real scared that the judges were somehow gonna let this whole thing slide just like that!"

"If they had, it would have been nothing short of inhumane." 

"I agree."

"The title of the episode is 'Outshine', and in a way... it makes what we just saw even sadder," Natsuki commented, his voice quiet as he hugged his fawn plushie. "That kind girl just wanted to reach her dreams and make her family proud of her. Even as talented as she was, she wasn't trying to hurt anyone's feelings. She wasn't trying to diminish anyone's light with her own." Ai felt his heart squeeze in sorrow as Reiji's eyes tightened with hurt. "Even if only one can win... it doesn't mean that she deserves to be tortured like this just so that the others can shine brighter. Even if your shine isn't the brightest, it doesn't give you the right to push those who shine brighter than you into the shadows of sadness. Her smile was so painful even when the main judge said that she was the best in this round and assured her that she shouldn't let others hurt her..."

His arms tightened around his plushie as his green eyes reflected the hurt in his voice.

"Aren't you making the world a darker place... if you suffocate someone else's light?"

"That's how cruel the world is, kiddo."

Ranmaru placed a hand on top of Natsuki's head and his lips formed a sad smile.

"All of us here have experienced it first-hand more than once. And it ain't gonna stop, especially in a competitive industry such as the one we're in. Just remember to never dull your shine for anyone, got it? It's never worth it."

"Ranmaru is being wise for once."

"Excuse me, sugar addict? What do you mean 'for once'?"

"I have to agree with Camus. Ranmaru does not outwardly display this much intelligence so often, for it is normally concealed behind his threats of violence. You should do it more frequently; it enhances how others perceive you."

"Ran-Ran's learning well, alright!"

"Why you-"

"But I'm happy... that there is warm kindness here too."

Natsuki's soft voice pulled them out of their teasing and bickering and Ai's heart thumped at the sight of the tender warmth in their best friend's green eyes.

"The judges and staff members all helped the girl, even when they had the choice to turn away and let things be as they were. I'd like to think that even as the episode was mainly about how cruel people can be in order to push others into the cold shadows, kindness was what shone the brightest there, for it..." he exhaled with a soft smile, "it is what keeps even crying hearts going."

"You know... it really warms the heart seeing our kindest Nattsun being touched by kindness like this."

"I-" Natsuki's eyes slowly widened when he realized what Reiji had said, and the latter smiled widely. "Wait, 'kindest'? No, I-"

"And it's real unbelievable that the kindest of us lot doesn't even realize that he is!" Ranmaru exclaimed with a few guffaws, giving Natsuki a light slap on the back of the head as Ai chuckled and hugged the younger blond from behind. "Remember that game in which we had to rate one another on a certain topic - _Do You Know Mii?_ from _Wii Party U_ , right? We all gave him 10s for kindness and yet he gave himself a freaking 7!"

"And yet he would have given us a 10 if the roles were reversed."

"But you guys deserve a 10! And even higher if it was allowed."

"So do you, Natsuki! Even more so than the whole lot of-"

The door opened before Ranmaru could finish protesting, and Ai immediately reverted his expression from amused to emotionless as they all stopped their usual chaos. The STARISH members filed into the meeting room, one by one. Otoya was the first to greet the five QUARTET NIGHT members, waving with a cheerful smile, while Ren was quick to grab the empty seat next to Ranmaru and flash his glaring senior a cheeky grin. 

"Ren." Tokiya's voice was calm and unamused. "Considering that this is a meeting in regards to us in our respective groups, I believe that you are sitting at the wrong side of the table."

"Take it easy, Icchi." Ren laughed as he waved dismissively at the perfectionist. "Sensei is not here yet, so no harm's done, right? Besides, I missed Ran-chan and the rest of the lovely quintet, so it wouldn't hurt to do some catching up, right?"

"Speaking of 'catching up'," Ai spoke up, deciding on his own accord to save Ren the complications for once, "the five of us were discussing about the modelling competition that has been happening for the past few months. Do you happen to keep track of it?"

"Ah, as a matter of fact, I do, Aimi," Ren stated, giving Ai a slight smile. He glanced around at the QUARTET NIGHT members. "I didn't know you guys were interested too. Which episode are you at?"

"We were actually discussing the episode from two weeks ago..."

"Oh, which one is that- Don't tell me..."

"Precisely. It appears that our opinions regarding how appalling that particular episode are similar, if not identical, Jinguji."

As the six of them began chatting, Ai could not help but discreetly observe the other STARISH members, particularly Tokiya. To put it bluntly, Tokiya was not in good terms with anyone in the five-man group, but he never needed to be direct in order to show it. Unlike Syo, Otoya and Cecil, who were extremely transparent in regards to their true feelings including negative ones, Tokiya was much more difficult to read, for he was excellent at concealing and filtering himself, having impressive control over what he wished to let known into the open to the point that it seemed so seamless. He was a perfectionist with clear intelligence, serious calmness and cold charisma, and if there was anyone who was most likely the leader of the six-man band, even if it was unofficial, Ai's first and only guess would inevitably be Tokiya. 

_He has the most experience in the entertainment industry_ , Ai mentally recalled as Tokiya engaged in a casual conversation with Masato and Cecil, careful to not be blatantly staring while he continued listening to what Ren and the others were talking about. Tokiya is as levelheaded as he is subtle, even in the most perplexing of circumstances. To be fair, he did go through years under the stage name and persona of "Hayato", a character that sharply contrasted his own, and with that, developed the acute ability to conceal and fake. _With his experience coupled with his demeanour, he is frankly a dangerous individual if he is on the opposing end. Considering what he did to Natsuki, he can easily discard compassion and empathy if he wishes to, and that is a major warning sign as well._

Camus poured more Earl Grey tea for him and Ai accepted with a slight smile, although the thoughts of the second-oldest STARISH member were somewhat disturbing him on the inside.

 _To "outshine"... To what lengths would someone like - no,_ he _go if he was given the task to outshine any of us as rivals? Even though we are all in the same agency, we have competed against each other and-_

"Good afternoon to all of you, my wonderful Shining Stars!"

The door burst open, crashing against the wall, and revealed Shining, who had a large grin plastered on his face and his hands on his hips. As the agency head jumped onto the large red armchair, Otoya hurriedly grabbed Ren, who was still with QUARTET NIGHT, by the arm and pulled him to where he and the rest of STARISH were as everyone took their seats. Ai sat between Camus and Natsuki and found himself directly across from Masato, who was sitting between Tokiya and Cecil. Masato noticed Ai and offered a small smile, and the latter nodded in acknowledgement.

"I have summoned you all here today to discuss the next stage of the wonderful STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project that has gotten extremely big with all the heart and soul you eleven have put into it!" Shining announced, his loud voice rumbling through the room. _Knowing you, however, Shining-san, even as you say 'discuss', this is more than likely to be one-sided..._ "All eleven of you have finished your solo songs, so it's time to get moving, moving!"

Shining faced everyone and beamed widely.

"So it's time for a super brilliant Round featuring all of you hardworking and amazing Shining Stars! Except... that there is a large emphasis on something that has not been featured throughout the duration of this project."

"Sensei-" Cecil began.

"Lights!"

Immediately, the fluorescent lamps dissipated into darkness and the projection screen lit up like a star in a night sky. Almost immediately, colourful letters appeared on the white screen and Shining's voice boomed with proud guffaws.

"A grand-scale concert! Featuring all the new song releases you have created throughout the entirety of this project and more! Including new content which will depend on certain people whom I have complete trust in to collaborate and harmonize together. And who could it be..."

He spread his arms out, his eyes brightening like the sun.

"... besides _you eleven brilliant stars_? You all have complete creative control and organizing power this time, because I am leaving it all in your hands!"

Ai was uncertain as to what to feel about the sudden announcement. On one end, people like Otoya and Cecil appeared to be astonished by what Shining had just declared and it was not unusual considering the amount of control that the eleven of them were receiving this time. However, on the opposite end, Ranmaru's jaw was slacken - not in a positive way - while Camus' eyes were narrowed and Reiji and Natsuki's eyes reflected genuine concern even amidst their surprise. To be entirely honest, it was an extremely rare opportunity presented to them by Shining to have that much autonomy over their own concerts, let alone a grand concert, and so it was natural to be looking forward to it. However, at the same time, he, precisely like his band members, felt genuine concern in regards to the fact that all eleven of them had that same power and control. Most of the STARISH members were guaranteed to not try and harm any of them, but the problem here was that "most" was certainly not equivalent to "all". Not only that, but if both bands needed to work together, they needed to come to a mutual consensus on every step of the project and antagonism was not going to be beneficial; not at all. 

_Ren, Otoya, Cecil and Masato are not an issue, but we cannot say the same for their remaining two band members. However, this time, it is their concert as much as it is ours._

Syo was hissing something to Tokiya, who had his eyes closed in concentration and his arms folded. Ai turned to Camus, who let out an unsurprised yet unimpressed sigh, and when their eyes met, they knew that they shared similar opinions.

_It would take a cautious and subtle move to try and hinder any of us without it being detrimental to them, if that is what they are aiming for._

"Ho ho! Looks like all of you are already generating fantastic ideas in your head even as you sit here in this very room! Splendid, my Shining Stars!"

Shining's guffaws pulled everyone's attention back to him and Otoya immediately opened his mouth to speak.

"Sensei, do we-"

"So I'll leave it to you all to start ahead! The concert's in just about a month's time, after all!"

"The concert is _what_ -" Syo nearly shrieked.

"So start discussing and be sure to read the update in the group chat later on today! Time's waiting on no one, so keep aiming for the stars and I'll see you all again soon! It's the end of the first STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project, so be sure to create a dazzling ending that also signals a wonderful beginning. I believe in you all; after all, with eleven brilliant stars gathered, anything's possible!"

"No, wait-"

"Best of luck, STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT! Keep shining!"

With that, despite of everyone's protests, Shining charged out of the door, leaving the eleven of them in a tangle of sheer disarray and disbelief as they stared at the direction towards which their eccentric and questionable boss had disappeared.

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Looks like we're all going to have quite the fun."

Ren chuckled as he looked around at everyone, clearly the calmest and most nonchalant about what Shining had just announced. He faced Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus and grinned.

"I just recently wished that I got to have more group work with you five. Seems to me that my wish came true in such a bizarre, Shining-sensei-like way, hasn't it?"

"Shining-sensei's words are correct!" Cecil chimed in with a happy smile as Ren slung an arm around him. "With all of STARISH joining forces with QUARTET NIGHT, the eleven of us will definitely put on a fantastic performance for all the beloved princesses!" His cyan eyes shone, and the sight warmed Natsuki on the inside a little despite his worries. "I'm absolutely looking forward to working with you again, Camus, Natsuki, senpais."

"As long as everyone gives it everything they've got, we ain't got any problem," Ranmaru responded, his heterochromatic eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms. Natsuki felt his heart clench in uneasiness as the silver-haired male ignored Syo's scowl. "I don't freaking care if you lot - you know who you are - have a problem with me or the rest of my group. I ain't gonna accept any halfhearted junk, you got it?"

"Who do you think you freaking are?" Syo countered, his scowl intensifying. "Just because we're lumped in one big group, it doesn't give you the right to-"

"Actually, Kurosaki-senpai is right, Syo."

"What on freaking earth, To-"

"I, too, would be unsatisfied if even a single person in this room did not give their best efforts," Tokiya explained, his voice calm and undeterred as he folded his arms. He faced Ranmaru and seemed unaffected by the silver-haired senior's suspicious look. "As a group, I suggest that we plan this very carefully and ensure that everyone completely agrees with the ideas contributed before proceeding further. That way, it will not only be fair, but also ideal."

"Icchi isn't wrong," Ren remarked, smiling lightly. "We need to agree if we want this to be fun for all of us."

"Does it mean that you've thought of something, ne, Tokiya?" Otoya inquired, his big red eyes gazing at his roommate.

Tokiya shrugged. "Yeah."

"Do you mind telling us-"

As Masato was interrupted by Syo and Cecil, who had begun to bicker, Natsuki noticed that out of everyone in his five-man group, Ranmaru was the only one who had spoken out loud about this concert ever since Shining left. Even though they had been listening throughout the conversation, Natsuki, Reiji, Ai and Camus had not said a single word. Falling back onto his chair, Ranmaru turned to the rest of them, the suspicion in his eyes unchanged, and Reiji placed a hand on the rocker's shoulder as a form of reassurance and attempt at calming him down. Ai and Camus were examining the STARISH boys, particularly Tokiya, with calm but narrowed eyes, as cautious as they were silent, and Natsuki felt a hand squeeze his own. Natsuki slowly turned to Reiji, who gave him a light smile and tugged at his hand a little. Smiling softly, Natsuki nodded and whispered for Ranmaru's teacup, which Reiji gladly passed over to him, and began pouring more hot tea for the rocker. Once Ranmaru accepted his teacup with a slight grin, another teacup was slid over to Natsuki and he found Camus giving him a faint smile and mouthing, _May I?_ Natsuki smiled and ended up chuckling even more when Reiji and Ai, with mischievous smiles on their faces, slid their cups over to Natsuki as well, with the former winking.

_It's times like this when I suddenly let go of the breath that I didn't know I had been holding in._

Reiji squeezed Natsuki into a bear hug as the latter chuckled and poured tea for his dearest friends, with Camus, Ai and Ranmaru laughing along.

_Even little things such as pouring more tea for you and making you smile a bit more are more than enough to make my heart all fuzzy and warm on the inside, and it's because I get to share it with you._

"Syo, Aijima-san, calm down."

Tokiya's calm voice resounded amidst the chaos and the two aforementioned bickering STARISH members stopped as Otoya laughed nervously with the shake of his head and pushed them away from each other. 

"If everyone does not mind, I would like all of you to hear me out for now."

"Well, you appeared to have been prepared to until two particular fools began their idle quarrel," Camus remarked casually as he added teaspoons of sugar into his teacup. Cecil smiled sheepishly while Syo glared pointedly at the platinum-blond count. "So what is it that you have come up with, Ichinose?"

"I adamantly believe that the concert would simply unable to be considered a success if even one person among all eleven of us does not shine as much as the others," Tokiya responded, pulling himself up from his seat. He looked around at everyone, calm and composed as he placed a hand on the broad table. "I am not at all implying that I hold any distrust towards any single one of you, but before we officially proceed to our planning, I want to be sure that we are all on the same page regarding what we hope to achieve by collaborating for the sake of this concert. We may be in two distinct idol groups, but in this particular scenario, we are in a single group known as the 'Shining Stars' and so..." 

Tokiya's blue eyes narrowed slightly.

"Outshining or being outshone should not be an issue here."

"Even if you ain't sayin' the words, I can hear 'em loud and clear, Tokiya," Ranmaru interjected before the perfectionist could continue, gritting his teeth in anger, and Natsuki knew exactly what the older male was about to say as he felt his heart squeeze in his chest with the exact same thoughts. "You may not be outright sayin' it, but you're accusing us of something and I ain't gonna take that ly-"

"To make sure of that, there is only one person that I need to make a few inquiries to."

Pretending as though he had not heard Ranmaru, Tokiya faced Natsuki, whose green eyes widened in pure confusion as the room fell into deep, unsettling silence..

"Do you mind if I ask a few questions, Shinomiya-san?"

"E-Ehh?"

" _Oi_." Ranmaru growled, his voice laced with cold threat. "Just what do you think are you trying to prove here, big shot? Are you trying to say that of the whole lot of us, Natsuki's the issue here when that's never and will never be the freaking case? Or are you just trying to declare war on the whole lot of us five again?"

"Tokiya, if that is all you are attempting to accomplish, you are simply wasting our time when we could be having more meaningful discussions," Ai stated, his teal eyes as expressionless as his voice, as Camus scowled and Reiji's grey eyes turned serious.

"Ichinose, I highly suggest you either ask your questions or retract them altogether," Masato stated, his eyes concerned. "Depending on what they are."

"It is very simple, Shinomiya-san," Tokiya spoke, taking Masato's advice as he and Natsuki's eyes met again. "Considering the fact that the eleven of us will be collaborating for this concert, I believe that it would be much preferred for both of our groups if there are no surprises or secrets withheld from each other, especially regarding potential appearances in our concert. So I would like to ask you this."

His blue eyes were serious but devoid of anything that could assure Natsuki's pulsating heart.

"Are you, by any chance, returning to playing the violin again?"

Ai Mikaze

As soon as the question rang inside the air, an indignant voice spoke up.

"What does _that_ have to do with any of this?"

His chair rattling behind him, Ranmaru slammed his fists against the table as he shot Tokiya a dark scowl, his eyes blazing.

"Even if he does, what's the freaking issue?" he demanded, his tone rising. "We may not be in the same band as you, but ain't it a good thing for all of us if he does go back to playing the violin? Just what's your freaking point?"

As coarse as his language was, Ranmaru was vividly speaking out thoughts that were not solely his own opinion. As Ai narrowed his eyes at the perfectionist from STARISH, he could feel the utter shift in aura radiating from everyone in his quintet like a dark haze eclipsing a clear sky, mentally noting that not a single one of them were making even the slightest move to stop Ranmaru. Camus' ice-blue eyes were cold with grim warning as he pierced an icy glare at Tokiya, emitting threats without a single word needed to be said. With an arm wrapped protectively around Natsuki, Reiji, even as he remained calmly seated, was staring down Tokiya with grey eyes darkened with silent anger, his fedora dipped downwards. Natsuki, who had been pinpointed, was staring directly at Tokiya with his kind green eyes tight with hurt and confusion, clearly unable to see the validity of the question's absurdity, precisely like the rest of them, as he hugged his fawn plushie. Resting a hand on the gentle blond's back, Ai maintained a calm but cold stare at Tokiya, who was currently ignoring the disbelieving exclaims from Masato and Cecil and instead, kept his stoic eyes focused on Natsuki.

"Tokiya-" Otoya started.

"Let me change the question for a moment." Tokiya's tone was flat as he held up a hand, signalling for his band member to stop talking, and Otoya clenched his teeth. "Shinomiya-san, it is not at all your intention to overshadow any single person in this room, right?"

Natsuki nodded briefly, the hurt in his eyes unchanged. "Yep, Tokiya-kun."

"You are currently playing the viola, right?"

"Yep."

"And you are the only Shining Star who plays a viola, am I right?"

"Are you taking all of us, especially Natsuki, as mere children?" Camus cut in, his voice colder than ice. "Ichinose, I am quite certain that you have much more intelligence at your disposal, so proceed with appropriate decency or I will take it upon myself to end this absurd foolishness right here and now!"

"I'm with him on this one." Ranmaru's voice was edged with fury.

However, as Reiji and Ai nodded in agreement, the latter started to see a clearer picture of where Tokiya was heading with this conversation. His heart turning grimmer, Ai knew for a fact that there was hardly any other possibility, but the fact that Tokiya would approach this particular territory was truly-

"Everyone in the Shining Stars each has an instrument unique to them," Tokiya continued, folding his arms as he shifted on his chair. "Even if you are unable to call my listed instrument, 'Vocals', as an official instrument. However, the point is that each one of us has an instrument that is different from everyone else's and helps them stand out more as musicians in this eleven-man classification. At this very moment, there is already someone among us who specializes in playing the violin brilliantly..."

He turned to Syo, who was sitting on his right with blue eyes filled with deep seriousness.

"And that is Syo, and all of you know that as much as I do. So if you, Shinomiya-san, were to return to playing the violin..."

Tokiya's turquoise eyes glinted coldly as he looked Natsuki in the eye.

"You do know that you will be playing the exact same instrument as Syo and hence, overshadowing his role that is supposed to be unique to him, correct?" Ranmaru immediately let out a curse and was about to protest when Tokiya continued without so much as batting his eyes, the perfectionist's eyes narrowed judgmentally. _I was right._ "You previously stated that you did not want to overshadow anybody, and knowing how kind you are, I believe you. You did not tell me whether you are playing the violin again or not so I am only left to make my own assumptions, but let's just say you are. Do you believe that it would be fair for Syo, who rightfully deserves to shine as much as the rest of us in this very room? As much as he plays the violin his own brilliant way that no one can ever copy, you would be essentially taking something that makes him special as a musician amongst the Shining Stars, all while you already have the viola unique to you. Not only that, but I have noticed that you have evolved to be a talented composer for QUARTET NIGHT. I do not believe I need to elaborate on how brightly you are already shining as you are."

Ai shook his head in silent disapproval at the fact that Tokiya was saying even a syllable of this short but thoughtless speech, but he maintained a placid, blank expression as the perfectionist spoke without a trace of remorse or shame. _He planned this; that much is vividly clear, as repulsive as it is._ _This, to be completely honest, has gone further than mere insulting._

Syo was frowning deeply at Natsuki and it only made Ai's heart grow colder at the present scenario. 

_It is utterly disrespectful to Natsuki, both as a person and a musician._

"You are not a selfish person, Shinomiya-san, but whether you realized it before this, playing the violin as a member of the Shining Stars would be nothing short of a selfish act. So with this in mind, do answer my initial question." Tokiya straightened his posture as he folded his arms again. "Are you returning to playing the violin again? I hope you consider my words very carefully before you-"

Just as Tokiya spoke, however, a voice interrupted him, except that it was not someone whom they would have expected to cut in so abruptly. If anything, it was from the last person whom anyone in this room would, in general, expect. Ai knew that this particular person had significantly grown, but even now...

Seeing the kindest person he knew exhibiting this particular side of himself was still an extremely rare occurrence, and it was actually the first time... that it was emerging in front of STARISH.

Natsuki Shinomiya

During the time Tokiya had been speaking to him, Natsuki had seen flashes of images and memories at the corners of his mind even as his former band member's words were as piercing as they were subtle and cruel, flickering from and into the darkness like the wings of a kaleidoscope.

He kept seeing the instrument that he had quit years ago: the violin. The first time it flashed inside his head, it had been like the quietest of falsettos, not enough to overwhelm but more than enough to ripple and echo through the silent darkness. Natsuki could not say that he could not have expected the image of the violin to flicker inside his head with the number of times Tokiya kept mentioning the instrument, but the flickers did not stop after one or two times. As his heart was stabbed by each cold word from Tokiya, even as he listened to what was happening in reality, Natsuki could see image after image flicking through his head like pages of a book being flipped over by the echoing wind, brighter and brighter, growing like a quiet falsetto slowly amplifying towards a broken crescendo. 

The violin held by a pair of tiny hands.

Quivering in those same hands.

Lying on the floor of scattered music sheets.

A blurred forest shrouded in a thickening white fog, darkened by the shadows of the trees that had smiled so kindly in the warm sunshine that was now gone.

The same images that had risen to life when he had sat with Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus in the living room listening to the first of the four songs that he had not finished listening to before. They did not flash through his head as strongly as they had during the complete listening of the the violin piece, which was named "Eclipsed Crescendo", but they had still struck his heart painfully like cold glass and he could not have been more thankful that he had been able to keep the pain hidden behind his expression, all as the violin piece resounded through the crevices of his mind. But through the heavy fog of that blurred past that had amplified the pain along with Tokiya's words, Natsuki had reached into his heart and grasped onto other memories; memories that reassured him with deep warmth, memories that reminded him of the strength that the people he loved the most had given him. 

Even if it was just glimpses throughout trying to remain in reality where he needed to protect himself and his group members from Tokiya, he remembered the truel that he, Reiji and Camus had had in the grand theatre as the violin piece was played, and from there, the memories continued to flicker like lamplight.

Moving alongside one of the violin pieces that unravelled the trauma inside of his heart, slowly but gradually stepping deeper into the fog rather than running away from it.

Sharing with his four dearest friends the first memory that he could smile about when he thought of that painful violin piece.

How happy he was that he could make them all proud of him.

How much he hoped Satsuki was smiling as the alter ego watched over them.

_"You need to believe in yourself. You need to be kinder to yourself."_

Those words that Reiji, Ranmaru, Ai, Camus and Satsuki had all conveyed to him in their own ways and words, wished for him with true earnestness, had resonated even more powerfully even as Tokiya spoke without a shred of sincerity or empathy, echoing louder and louder like the crescendo of his deepest memories and emotions. They had all opened his lonely, broken heart throughout the time that all of them got to spend together with one another, taking him by the hand and pulling him out of the darkness that his time in STARISH had drowned him in. He did not wish to protect them just so that he could fall into pitch black. He did not wish to be stronger just so that he could _hold back_.

And without Tokiya needing to say it directly, Natsuki knew that it was exactly what he was being told to do.

But as the memories and emotions overlapped inside his head, as he remembered the foggy forest that he was stepping deeper into with them by his side, just like when he danced and moved along the dim darkness of the grand theatre, he knew...

"Are you returning to playing the violin again?"

... that of all the people here who could be called "selfish"...

"I hope you consider my words very carefully before you-"

"Who's the one being selfish?"

... it was _not_ him.

The quiet but resolute words slipped out of his lips as Natsuki looked Tokiya directly in the eye, standing up from his chair as his hands clenched with emotions that included those that he was not used to feeling but were nevertheless his own. Tokiya's calm eyes widened marginally, but easily slipped back into being narrowed as he locked eyes with Natsuki and spoke again. "Shinomiya-san, I believe that you are being quite difficult-"

"No, Tokiya-kun. Don't lie to me when we both know what you were asking- no, telling me to do without directly saying it with your own words."

He slowly shook his head as he spoke with a quiet but even voice.

"You were telling me to push the thought of playing the violin into the dark so that I never play it again. You were trying to make me believe that I would be selfish if I returned to playing an instrument that I have just as much right as anyone else to play. You were asking me to hold back not only myself, but also the rest of QUARTET NIGHT, and you don't even need words for you to say it as you pretend to sound kind." 

Natsuki placed a hand on his chest, his heart squeezed with pain and sadness but also held true anger and disapproval, as images flickered inside his head like a kaleidoscope of colours. 

"But I know that I'm not the one wrong here. It's not wrong to wish to grow stronger for the people I love and care about. It's not wrong to reach into a past to try and search for what I have lost. It's not wrong to pour all of your heart, soul and mind in what I do and want to make the people dearest to me happy and proud. But what would be wrong... is dulling my shine for anyone, because that would be me holding back my light when it could have glowed even brighter for everyone by my side. So even if I do play both the violin and viola, even if you try and hurt me because of it... I won't stop. Not even for you..."

 _Just remember to never dull your shine for anyone, got it?_ Ranmaru's gentle advice echoed inside his head, and it brought him a calming and reassuring strength. _It's never worth it._

"Not even a little... because I won't ever let you suffocate our light."

"Is that how you truly feel, Shinomiya-san? It almost feels like the person that I have been conversing with is a completely different person."

Tokiya remained unfazed, his arms crossed as his turquoise eyes and voice turned colder, nearly harsh.

"If anything has changed about you, it is not your strength, but your kindness and consideration towards others, especially Syo. How ironic. I would very much like to utilize a more fitting term, but then again, I-"

"Ah, Nattsun, guys, Shiny-san never said that there was a time limit for this first meeting, right?"

As though he had not heard any of Tokiya's words, Reiji got up from his seat and wrapped an arm around Natsuki, smiling brightly as his grey eyes glistened.

"Whaddya say to us heading for Nattsun's favourite cafe? I think our dear sweetheart really deserves it!"

"You got that right." Ranmaru immediately got up along with Ai and Camus, his lips curving into a lopsided grin as he crossed his arms. "Kiddo's been working hard and it was a real roller coaster of a day, so I'd say it's about time we left and had some time for ourselves."

"I completely agree." Ai smiled softly and gave a surprised Natsuki a gentle push forward and squeezed his shoulder. He then turned to the STARISH members, ignoring the disbelieving stares that he received from a number of them. "Ren, Masato, everyone, the five of us will be leaving. We will plan our next meeting in the Shining Stars group chat."

"Can I come with you?" Ren asked teasingly.

"If you have no other affairs to tend to, feel free to come along," Camus stated calmly.

"Wait, you are-"

"So you lot are running away like the cowards you are?"

"Cowards, you say?" Reiji immediately stopped walking and turned his head to face a furious Syo, tilting his head with a light smile. But the smile did not reach his grey eyes. "Sorry, but I think that's where you're sorely mistaken, Syo. There are no cowards in this quintet, mind you. Rather, we were just leaving because the eleven of us have all run out of meaningful things to discuss in regards to the concert, especially without one being falsely accused by another."

Dipping his black fedora downwards, Reiji looked him in the eye with a cold but firm warning overshadowing his grey eyes that did not falter even as Syo gritted his teeth in sheer fury.

"As much as not all of us are saying much now, I believe it's very clear that Nattsun and I are not the only ones that you have to deal with if you try and hurt any member of this quintet, let alone all of us." Reiji placed his hand on Natsuki's shoulder as Ai and Camus narrowed their eyes and Ranmaru scowled deeply, his grey eyes glinting under the fluorescent lamps. "Do I need to explain further?"

"You think you can just-"

"As for you, Tokki," Reiji glanced at Tokiya, who was frowning judgmentally ", I don't even need to add anything else, 'cause everything that Nattsun just told you is exactly what we all think. Nattsun's still the same sweet and lovable Nattsun we all know and love and even as angry as he was - rightfully so, might I add - trust me, he was still extremely considerate of your feelings. If it were any of us instead, I can assure you that we wouldn't be nearly as kind - not even me. So let me give you a piece of advice; not that I am forcing you to do anything, of course."

He narrowed his eyes as his voice lowered, the atmosphere overtaken by chills that could easily drip along and shudder the spine.

"Leave us all _alone_."

Ignoring Syo's outraged yells, Reiji took Natsuki by the hand and pulled him out of the meeting room with Ranmaru, Ai and Camus right behind them. Even as the door was firmly shut behind them, all five of them continued to walk away from the meeting room, went down a few escalators and, a few minutes later, reached the parking lot. Reiji, who was still holding Natsuki's hand, only stopped walking when the five of them reached his green car. He turned to Natsuki and the younger blond's eyes widened at the serious expression in his best friend's grey eyes. "Rei-Rei-" However, Natsuki was suddenly interrupted by the brunet wrapping his arms around him, squeezing him into a tight hug, pressing his own head onto the blond's shoulder. "Rei-Rei, are you alr-"

"You have no idea how hard it was for big bro Rei-Rei to hold back a super big smile seeing his precious baby bro standing strong and speaking up against Tokki like that."

Reiji pulled away to face Natsuki, his grey eyes beaming brightly.

"Big bro Rei-Rei is so, so proud of you, Nattsun! We all are!"

"Camus and I were smirking the moment you cut that dunce off like that," Ranmaru remarked, grinning broadly as he ruffled Natsuki's blond hair. "Tokiya really got that one coming and it was real satisfying seeing you be the one to throw his junk right back at his face. _That_ was exactly what I meant when I told you to never dull your shine for anyone and you sure did that, kiddo!"

"This may not be the last that we hear cold words from Tokiya and Syo, but it is nevertheless soothing to see you exhibit that much earnest courage and strength even as the softest person in our group," Ai remarked, reaching out and squeezing Natsuki's hand softly. "'I know that I'm not the one wrong here.' Precisely, Natsuki, and the fact that you not only said it but also believed it made us earnestly glad and even that itself is an understatement."

"Now, let us forget about those insolent fools and be off to our favourite cafe."

Camus' lips curved into a sincere smile, his ice-blue eyes softer than usual.

"If Kizuna is free, he is more than welcome to join us. I am more than certain that he, too, would be glowing with joy with the knowledge that his close friend and senior has come to be significantly stronger than before. We would very much like the honours of telling him all about it, if you don't mind."

"It's because you guys are with me that I was able to say all that to Tokiya-kun and in front of all of STARISH like that."

Natsuki shook his head, giving them a soft smile.

"I really wanted to make you guys proud... and I... I'm so happy I did."

"And there's our sweet and soft boy!"

"E-Ehh?"

Everyone laughed as Natsuki smiled shyly with a light blush forming on his cheeks, and a grinning Reiji unlocked the car door with his arm wrapped tightly around the younger blond. _I know that I am still wandering deeper into the thick white fog of that blurred forest, but I can hear the melody that has been sleeping inside my heart a little more, all as I take a few steps closer towards a crescendo that may still be eclipsed but needs to be found in order for me to understand._

Natsuki placed a hand over his heart, hoping that Satsuki was able to feel the same earnest warmth that was seeping through his heart like the river that he would never stop singing and dedicating to them, a soft smile forming on his lips.

_Even if it wasn't a complete crescendo, I am glad that I could say what I felt without being too afraid to do so. Because that... is the courage that you all taught me. The 'c' in 'crescendo'... is courage... the courage you gave me._

_"Shining, glistening in a single tear,_

_It's like these emotions pieced my heart, reviving in me..."_

\- "Zettai Reido Emotion", by Camus (Tomoaki Maeno)


	64. Bleeding Strings

Satsuki Shinomiya

_There are four violin pieces in the official list of songs that Natsuki composed as a prodigy and was unable to finish listening to in the initial sitting upon receiving the audio files from Eli Kizuna. The first of the four is "Eclipsed Crescendo", the beginning of a broken melody inside a young boy's shattered heart, as ironic as the title is considering the fact that a crescendo represents the highest peak of a melody._

However, even as ironic as the title of the song was, Satsuki did not misunderstand its significance, especially with the word "eclipsed' right next to the "crescendo" and knowing how sharp and broken the song's cadence was. It was the portrait of a forest that was known yet unknown to memory, that was vaguely remembered but also forgotten, the representation of the thick white fog that hid the broken truth that had been left unsaid in order to protect its vulnerable owner that had been shattered by his own kindness and another's cruelty. However, even though the fog had yet to be lifted by the wind, Natsuki had begun to walk deeper into the ever-present white, even if he could hardly see, even if the only thing that he knew for sure about the truth was that it was a broken one.

_"Memory into memory". By connecting a memory that can be remembered with a sincere smile with that song that had been composed to life by a broken heart, they healed him little by little._

Satsuki closed his eyes, a slight smile curving on his lips at the memories of Natsuki stepping along the staircases and past the rows of chairs of the theatre throughout his truel with Reiji and Camus while moving in rhythm to the violin piece. The violin piece that had been the first to be composed after the broken incident ended up now being a song that could be remembered fondly by not only Natsuki, but also the people he loved the most. However, it only took the next thought to allow the alter ego's smile to silently dissipate like it did not even exist in the first place, just as the memories faded into black silence.

_But the first piece is not the last. Now that the first piece has been fulfilled, it's on to the second... "Bleeding Strings." If "Eclipsed Crescendo" is a song dyed in the white of a thickening fog, then "Bleeding Strings" is the vivid crimson of blood, grasping a memory that slit through skin and caused blood to ooze down the fingers of a broken soul._

_Just like how your right hand was not the only part of you that bled that day..._

Like the shrill cry of a broken violin, memories wrenched through his mind like a windmilling shard of glass, allowing anguish to dribble out of open wounds like the crimson blood that had glistened on the strings of a violin that had been hidden away, never to be played or heard.

_The strings were not the only thing that made you bleed, Natsuki._

Natsuki Shinomiya

_I can draw and write with my imagination. I can retrace my memories and close my eyes as I see the warmth that the people dearest to me and I got to share because we are with one another. I can see the bright colours that glowed before our eyes, the starlight and moonlight that glistened across the gentle waters, the words that will continue to echo as our heartbeat resounds like the earnest melody that it is. I remember how it feels to have someone extremely close to me, know how it feels like, never want to let go, am terrified to let go._

_So why... why do I feel sad...?_

His eyes gently closed, Natsuki could feel a strange yet painful sadness cascading up his heart like cold, cold water with stars that could not seem to shine, even with just a single flicker. Clutching his chest tightly, he squeezed his eyes shut a little tighter as his heartbeat quivered inside that space that would have been empty without it.

_Why... can't I end this sadness?_

It was not that the memories and emotions could not move him. It was not that he had stopped hearing the melody that could only be made by them and them alone. But each time he imagined those flower meadows that he had first shown Reiji and Ai when the latter was struggling with his guilt towards the past, Natsuki could only flinch when he saw those pure, bright memories stained with those from a broken past and fractured imagination, all from a quivering heart bleeding from its wounds. He could see those innocently-coloured flowers and their petals in full bloom under the warm daylight, but that precious imagery was scarred when the sound of a broken musical piece pierced through him like shards of glass and white slit through those delicate petals, and the blood began leaking out of those petals, a deep, deep, painful red.

Red against pure white. Against pale pink. Against light yellow. Against innocent lavender. Against all those colours that did no wrong as they gave colours under the compassionate sun. What used to sound like sparkles in sunshine was now heard as shatters of glass instead. All under the every-glowing sunshine that made the blood glisten with those crying colours. All because the sharpest strings of a broken instrument had gashed through those petals, not enough for the petal to split into two and wither, but enough for it to bleed.

_Those strings..._

Quietly opening his eyes, he stared down at his trembling hands. The same hands that may have grown larger during his earlier years and yet belonged to the same soul.

_Those strings that had made me bleed both on my hands and in my heart._

Lifting his head up, he slowly faced his vague reflection on the glass window of his and Reiji's shared bedroom, his hands trembling as he looked directly into the image of his green eyes wide with tears. Tears that did not seem to take the sadness away at all. Tears that did not stop those flowers in those meadows from being stained with blood before his very eyes. Tears that did not answer why the sadness would not leave. Was it that he was not strong enough yet...? No, he had to believe in himself and he knew that Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru, Camus and Satsuki all believed in him. Then... then why...? Shutting his eyes, he hung his head as he squeezed his eyes shut, clutching his head as he wished to understand what he did not. He even thought of screaming in the bathroom where he would not wake the others up if it meant that the sadness would disappear, and yet he knew that he did not have what it took to scream. He was unsure if he should even try and scream it out, knowing that screaming might even break him even more. He felt lethargic, but he did not know if he could sleep without crying out at the end.

 _The later I stay awake alone like this..._ he clenched his teeth as a sob clawed at his throat, _the darker everything is, but the more I sleep... the deeper I will fall without understanding anything about what to do with this sadness, how to overcome this sadness, for them, for us. Why won't these tears end this...? Why can't I even let out all the pain?_

The echos of the violin and bow thudding onto the floor heavily haunted his head and he clutched his head even tighter, trying to think properly but finding himself falling deeper and deeper as he struggled amidst the stained memories, his hands now pressed hard against the cold window, quivering with emotion.

_Even as I bleed... it just... won't come out... not even a little._

_I want to be happy... so why...?_

"... sun..."

_I can't... I can't even help myself right now..._

"... n..."

_I need to be strong... I need to... please... for them. Even if I can't for me, for them, please-_

"Nattsun."

A pair of warm arms interrupted him before he could drown deeper in his anguish, wrapping around his waist tightly. His eyes dilating in sheer shock, Natsuki turned and found not only Reiji but also Ai staring at him in pure pain and sadness. His lips quivering, he tried to speak, only for both Reiji and Ai to pull him into a tight hug, their arms never loosening even for a second. For a moment, he was confused as to how Ai was here, but he soon remembered that the three of them were having a sleepover in the apartment's only shared bedroom. Letting out a shaky exhale, Natsuki tried to hold back his tears, but Reiji and Ai's soothing voices reached him and along with their warmth, it was all it took for the first broken sob to crack through his lips and the tears to stream down his face. 

"You should have woken us up, Nattsun..." Reiji muttered softly, pressing his hand on Natsuki's back. "We knew that the second violin piece was a lot to take in; the four of us and even Alexander could see it with our own eyes. We know that you're the softest in our group, but that doesn't mean that it's not okay for you to break down when it's too much for you to take. It hurts us so, so much seeing you cry like this and it just hurts us even more knowing that before we woke up, you were crying alone." He squeezed Natsuki tightly. "So, so much, our precious Nattsun..."

"Reiji and I are not returning to bed until we have ensured that you are okay," Ai stated, his voice quiet as he ran a hand soothingly on Natsuki's back. "If it brings you more comfort, we would be more than glad to wake Camus, Ranmaru and Alexander up. Satsuki did mention that the songs would be more excruciating as we progress through them, and we were actually surprised that you were as calm as you were earlier. Ranmaru even admitted that he would be terrified if he were you."

"Ai-Ai's right," Reiji agreed in a near whisper as he and Ai carefully led Natsuki to the bed, his voice filled with pure sadness. Once all of them were sitting next to one another, with Natsuki in the middle, Reiji wrapped an arm around him and held him tightly. "We know that you talked to all of us about it after listening to 'Bleeding Strings' hours ago, but if it helps, you can talk to us about it again. Or if it's something else, please tell us." 

The painful gaze in his grey eyes threatened to break Natsuki's heart. 

"You know you can, right? So please... please do, our dear Nattsun."

"I-I know... Rei-Rei... Ai-chan..."

Natsuki's voice was a weak whisper as he slowly scooted backwards so that he could face both of them at once, and they gently took one hand each as they gave him soft yet heartbreaking smiles.

"I know... but I don't even understand why... I can't stop this sadness... I don't think it's just the song, and r-right now... I just feel like something is wrong with me. Even as I try to change the s-scenery, the memories, the song... it just won't leave. I've been here b-before... asking, _Why can't I move past this sadness?_ And it just... makes me f-feel even more useless."

His heart wrenched when a particular question roamed and echoed inside his head like crying ghosts, but staring down at the fingers intertwining his own, he knew that it would only hurt them more if he tried to suppress it within himself.

"Am I... not strong enough...?"

Ranmaru Kurosaki

 _If you force the bleeding to remain inside of you, inside that open, gaping hole, it will clot and eventually close off the beating of your heart. If too much blood flows out with the wound being untended to, unhealed, uncared for, slowly but surely, your heart will have its life drained away. The blood that was supposed to keep the heart alive was running cold. The blood that was supposed to surge through your arteries and veins was clustering, choking you even as you try to hear the melody of your heartbeat, suppressing you, locking you in your own prison._ _It reminds me of how much of a privilege it is... to be able to scream your lungs out when you cannot take it anymore, when you are falling apart and breaking down instead of through, just so you could let everything out and be granted at least a drop of relief, of freedom even as illusionary it nearly felt, just so the bleeding would flow then stop and the wound could be closed, even if the blood stained white innocence and wings._

_But... not everyone could bring themselves to scream it out, to lose control to the point of that level of hysteria, even if they want to, even if they try to. As much as I did it before, more than countable times..._

Ranmaru clenched a quivering fist as he watched over Natsuki, who remained fast asleep on his and Reiji's shared bed, his own heart wrenching tightly in his chest.

_He couldn't, and that... that really ain't fair. Not even a little._

"I cannot be surprised if his eyes are swollen when he wakes up this morning."

Ai spoke in a near whisper, pure sadness pooling in his teal eyes as his fingers delicately carded through Natsuki's fluffy blond hair.

"Given how much he cried last night. And even that... had been ineffective in putting his heart and mind at ease."

Alexander let out a small whimper as the white dog carefully nuzzled its head against the gentle blond on the shoulder and Camus closed his eyes. At about six in the morning, Reiji and Ai had knocked on Ranmaru and Camus' bedroom doors, asking if they could talk, and that was when the two told them and Alexander about what had happened last night. About how the pain and sadness from listening to the second violin piece "Bleeding Strings" continued to bruise and haunt his already-throbbing heart and mind even when he tried to not think about the song. About how warm tears had rolled down his cheeks as he tried to release the sadness in his heart, tried to change the stained scenery flashing through his head, tried to let all of it out, only for everything to remain trapped inside his heart that could not translate its screams into sound. Only for the wounds and open scars in his heart to continue to bleed inside of him as they painted a heartbeat that was supposed to be warm and resounding a dark crimson.

 _Even without any context, "Bleeding Strings" was already broken enough as it was_ , Ranmaru thought to himself, remembering how all five of them, even Ai and Camus, had flinched when the first broken high note pierced through them during their first listen like a shard of glass. _Even without those high notes, it was already dark and sorrowful enough as it was. You would never have guessed that a kid created it if you did not better. It wasn't just a matter of the complicated technique and rhythm... it was that entire vortex of emotions - all the pain, grief and suffering all infused together to create that broken song. To think that the bright and innocent kid that he was had to suffer that much..._

Natsuki tensed in his sleep and curled into himself a little more, his eyes squeezing tighter, his lips twisting in pain. Without a moment of hesitation, Camus stroked Natsuki's head tenderly, pure sadness glimmering in his normally-stoic ice-blue eyes, as Reiji placed a hand on the gentle blond's back. Ranmaru clenched his teeth in pain as Natsuki shifted and wrapped his arms around Reiji while whispering with a small, shaky voice, "I-It's b-broken... I... I... I didn't m-mean to-" Reiji held him gently but firmly, his grey eyes filled with silent anguish as he carefully returned the hug so that he did not wake the blond up.

_And now... the ghosts of his past are diving and crashing right into the broken melody of the "now" that we are in, shattering through him as he grapples between what he is trying to understand and why he cannot let go, with the bright and innocent kid that he was still lingering in his heart, now crying in his soul..._

Hating that Natsuki was still suffering even in his sleep, Ranmaru curled his fingers even tighter as he cursed under his breath, trying to figure out a way that could help as the images of Natsuki staring down at his cup of tea and music sheets with green eyes filled with melancholy reverberated inside his head like the painful cadence that they were.

_With a trauma that has been unable to be freed from his heart._

"Natsuki gave me and Reiji descriptions of the main imagery that ceaselessly haunted him until now."

Ai glanced down at the sheets of paper lying on the bedside table nearest to him, and Ranmaru immediately recognized the teal-haired boy's neat, seemingly-mechanical handwriting.

"There are two prominent kinds, based on what we know," Ai explained as Camus reached forward and began reading the notes with narrowed eyes and Ranmaru propped an elbow over the platinum-blond's shoulder. "They narrow down what we need to focus our attention on, but at the same time, this is a different case from the first violin piece, 'Eclipsed Crescendo'. Overcoming the first piece revolved around walking deeper into a fog regardless what the truth could be, connecting to a song that centred around painful memories a memory that could be recalled pleasantly. The current violin piece, however..."

"It brought out much more trauma than all of us, including Natsuki, thought it would," Ranmaru finished, crossing his arms as he gave Ai and the others a grim look. "We already knew that our kiddo's case of PTSD was horrid enough as it was. And one thing that we know whether by logic or experience is that the more repressed memories surface, the more repressed pain comes out. This piece, 'Bleeding Strings', makes even 'Eclipsed Crescendo' look all innocent and harmless when it's not!"

"Based on all that I can surmise, I strongly believe that what Natsuki needs the most at this crucial stage is not a clearer understanding of the reason behind his sadness and grief," Camus stated, raising his head from Ai's notes with a serious expression. "Rather, it is the overlapping of those wretched images that are taunting him in both broad daylight and nightfall. The imagery that he is being coerced to face is as dark and morbid as it is the opposite of the optimistic and innocent light that his soul radiates, and that itself is causing his trauma to continue accumulating."

"I agree with all of you," Reiji spoke up in a half-mutter, his arms remaining around Natsuki securely. "As much as there are two more violin pieces after this one, I think that forcing our way to the next piece will only force out even more trauma and hurt Nattsun. Remember how 'memory into memory' was what the five of us focused on for 'Eclipsed Crescendo'?" His eyes shone a bit more as he smiled weakly. "Thanks to you guys, I think... I may have a bit more of an idea on how 'memory into memory' applies for this song too, except not in the exact same way."

"So do I." Ai nodded, a small smile curving on his lips as he placed a hand on Reiji's shoulder.

"Indeed." Camus nodded with a slight smile as Alexander barked softly.

"I think we all may have the same idea," Ranmaru remarked, grinning slightly as he placed a hand on Ai's head. "We have a whole weekend to work on this before all five of us need to get back to idol work, so let's start planning before our kiddo wakes up and hope all goes well." His heart clenched and he felt his own expression sadden a bit. "He shouldn't be losing his smile because of this, and we're gonna make sure he gets it back."

"Couldn't agree more, Ran-Ran," Reiji said, his eyes softening under the dim lighting.

"Speaking of beginning before Natsuki wakes up..." Ai started, gathering his notes and his blue penguin plushie that Natsuki had given him, "there is one activity that I believe we need to do before he awakens. Because if we do this when he is conscious, it may inadvertently harm him even more."

"You want to listen to the song again, don't you?" Reiji asked, a thoughtful expression emerging in his grey eyes as he stroked his chin.

"A melody tells a story, and as vague as it may be, 'Bleeding Strings' tells a part of Natsuki's... A bleeding melody about how he had once bled."

Reiji Kotobuki

An instrument could be a double-edged sword whenever it wished to be. The bringer of warmth, the bearer of misfortune. The lull of luck, the stranglehold of grief. As much as the instrument was a way of conveying one's emotions, a form of catharsis, of release, it was also a way to be near overwhelmed by all their suffering and sorrow all at once, in one song, one melody. None of their instruments were an exception. Not Ai's synthesizer. Not Camus' cello. Not Ranmaru's bass. Not Reiji's maracas.

And definitely neither Natsuki's viola nor violin.

Until now, Reiji had not thought about it that way, but he noticed that while he and Natsuki shared quite a number of similarities as people, their originally chosen instruments were somewhat polar opposites of each other. It had just dawned upon him as he sat with Ai and Camus in their usual room in the quintet's favourite cafe. While the three of them continued to work on the group's plan to help their dear sweetheart, Ranmaru, who had been collectively chosen through serious discussion, was bringing Natsuki elsewhere to distract him and make sure the plan remained unknown to him. The reason that they had given to Natsuki was that Ai, Reiji and Camus all had sudden errands to take care of, which was not at all a lie - of all the things that they wanted to do, lying to Natsuki was not and never one of them. Gently stirring his cup of berry latte, Reiji listened attentively as "Bleeding Strings" played on repeat from Ai's laptop, watching as the pastel purple and white swirled near hypnotizingly on the surface. 

_"Eclipsed Crescendo" was much more subtle than "Bleeding Strings", making much use of the two lowest notes, G and D, rather than the second violin piece did. "Bleeding Strings", on the contrary, sent a barrage of sharp high notes, taking advantage of its E note, the highest note that it has, to send shivers and chills down one's spine. But whether subtle or not, a brilliant thing about art, whether it is songs or a painting or a dance or a writing or anything else, is that it can have multifarious interpretations. There is no such thing as a "perfect" art, and I think that in itself is beautiful._

He let out a soft exhale, anticipating what was coming in the already-bleeding melody.

_And in lyricless songs such as this... you have only the melody to try and interpret the story behind the sounds. That leads to an infinite possibilities, although in this case..._

The shattering of glass pierced through the sudden drop into silence, causing Reiji to wince slightly even though it was not the first time he had heard it.

_The possibilities... are all painful ones._

"Out of our and Ranmaru's instruments, the only one that is capable of creating a sound that is similar to that shatter is yours, Reiji. Your maracas."

Camus paused the audio track, his ice-blue eyes serious.

"Could you make an attempt right now?"

"Hmm..." Reiji stroked his chin, looking down at the green maracas settled next to his music sheets. "I can't make any promises, but let's see how it goes."

Ai nodded briefly while Camus crossed his arms and leaned back slightly against his chair as Reiji pulled himself up from his seat. Taking ahold of his pair of maracas, Reiji exhaled and with a sharp arc, swung his beloved instruments, hoping to create the same emotions that the violin piece had conveyed. His heart quivered a little as the maracas let out vibrations that, while not as sharp as a violin, were enough to send shivers dribbling through his own heart, aiming for the sound to be loud and intense enough for there to be a form of shock factor. But... he could not exactly be the only judge of that, right? He lifted his head and found Camus and Ai looking at the maracas, the latter's eyes filled with mild astonishment, the former stroking his own chin thoughtfully. Glancing down at his instrument, Reiji suddenly felt a bit self-conscious and the feeling only intensified with each moment of watchful silence.

"Uh... Ai-Ai, Myu-chan..." Reiji let out a few nervous chuckles, "what's on your minds? Was it... not good enough?"

"No, you are incorrect, Reiji."

Ai shook his head, his teal eyes meeting Reiji's.

"The reason for my silence is that I needed to process the sounds and my thoughts upon hearing you and your maracas. As much as you demonstrated the darker and more melancholic side of the maracas through your solo performance of 'Itoshiki Hito e', I am still unaccustomed to hearing the instrument being played in such a manner." His lips curved into a small smile as he rested his cheek in the palm of his hand. "It reminds me all over again how narrow-minded I used to be in regards to your instrument, towards how emotional of an instrument it is."

"Precisely like individuals, instruments are far from one-dimensional."

Camus carefully stirred his cup of mocha with a small spoon as he faced Reiji with eyes sheened with gentle understanding.

"I used to view the maracas as, well, rather shallow and unrealistic instruments." An arrow was struck through Reiji's heart as his jaw dropped at those words, and Camus smirked slightly. "Let me continue. Never had I heard those shaking instruments create music that was anything besides being excessively exuberant or voluminous - in other words, an annoyance. It was the most unorthodox instrument that I had ever seen and I even once questioned how and why it was considered a professional instrument. However, at a certain point in time, specifically through my experiences with you, I discovered that I," he looked Reiji in the eye, "was the one who was being ignorant."

"I felt the same way," Ai admitted, placing a hand over the left side of his chest, his teal eyes glimmering with faint sadness. "I perceived the maracas to be one-dimensional, for I never once heard it express even the slightest ounce of sentimentality or sorrow, let alone a note of a dark melody. I believed that while they were loud in volume, they were hardly close to being meaningful or substantial. But then..." a soft smile tinged his lips, "... a certain someone made a soft remark about the way you played your maracas. He asked me why your maracas sounded sad. I was admittedly surprised and puzzled. I asked him to elaborate and he said that there were times when you shook the maracas only a little and slower than usual and it brought sadness quivering and welling up inside his heart. It was then when I began to pay closer attention to the way you played your instruments, and I realized... that he was right."

"The maracas can be heart-wrenching when they wish to," Camus affirmed, giving Reiji a sincere smile that was gentler than his usual smiles, "all while they convey the heart of their owner, who is anything but one-dimensional."

"Ai-Ai... Myu-chan..."

Gripping the maracas that he had set down on the wooden table, Reiji smiled softly, tears welling up at the back of his eyes.

"I wasn't expecting you two to suddenly go all emotional, but that doesn't mean I'm complaining." He chuckled lightly, although he was trying to hold back from crying. "Big bro Rei-Rei is so, so happy to hear you guys say all that. All of us have been growing together, haven't we? And all five of us are not gonna stop here and will keep reaching higher and higher together, all while learning to understand one another better, right?"

Ai and Camus nodded with slight smiles on their faces and Reiji smiled back as he reached for the music sheets that had yet to be filled with black ink.

"Say... that 'certain someone' that you mentioned earlier, Ai-Ai..." his voice turned quieter, "it's Nattsun, isn't it?"

"It is," Ai confirmed with a slight nod, his smile softening. "He may appear to be the most oblivious of the five of us, but I know for a fact that he has an earnestly profound way of thinking and perceiving, especially towards the people he loves and cares about. It is his genuine kindness and empathy that grants him such a unique ability to do so."

A wave of earnest serenity shrouded Ai's features, spreading quietly like gentle tides as he let out a soft breath, his fingers curling around the fabric of his shirt a bit more.

"I know that I have mentioned several times that he deviates greatly from data and that I find it extremely difficult to predict his moves, but as all of you have taught me, formal words and explanations are not always the best ways to convey meaning, especially in terms of feelings. And so now I understand clearer what I simply meant when I said all those words about him. As extraordinary as he is, Natsuki... is truly a wonder, isn't he?"

"Indeed he is, Ai."

Camus smiled faintly as Reiji beamed warmly and wrapped an arm around Ai.

"He is our wonder, a one-of-a-kind wonder who can never be replaced and we are profoundly appreciative to be able to call ours. So let us proceed with our plan to revive the warmth in his heart, precisely like he has done for us more times than we could ever count."

Exchanging nods of mutual agreement, the three of them smiled as Ai played the song "Bleeding Strings" again and they fell into pure silence with the consoling aroma of tea and coffee diffusing throughout the cool atmosphere. Glancing down at the maracas that he allowed to settle on the desk, Reiji thought of their warm Natsuki and smiled lightly.

_While my maracas are generally seen as an instrument that can do nothing but play cheerful songs, your violin is often viewed as an instrument that creates a soundless and eerie darkness and without much of a warning, shatters hearts and glass all the same with frightful, bone-chilling cadences, bringing forth sleeping suffering in a hailstorm of tears and cries alike. That's why in that sense, our instruments are polar opposites, even if their owners are not._

Mentally taking note of how the notes turned higher and sharper after the sound of shattering came to life, Reiji thought of how it resembled, and possibly represented, pain that was piercing deeper and deeper as the heart broke little by little, fragment by fragment.

_But that's not all our instruments are. Like I said before, a double-edged sword, right?_

His fingertips remembered how Natsuki had quivered violently in his arms while his heart remembered how a tearful ache had blossomed at his best friend's broken sobs and warm tears, the feelings and emotions echoing painfully inside his chest.

_The normally-cheerful maracas can quiver with sadness and grief and write messages of loneliness and hurt amidst the sounds of their songs while conveying the shadows of the heart, just like how the normally-piercing violin can bring forth waves of uplifting vibrance and happiness surging through even the coldest of skies. Instruments are a lot more like us than we thought at the start._

_It's thanks to you that all of us understand and have this much compassion and empathy. You being our kind and selfless Nattsun, our wonder._

Remembering the two kinds of imagery that Natsuki had described to him and Ai with a gentle voice that cracked with sobs, Reiji felt his heart throb deeply, but he exhaled and smiled faintly as he began writing on the first music sheet, knowing that together, the five of them would be able to bring a warm smile back to their precious Natsuki's heart.

_Like both Ai-Ai and I promised as we held you in our arms and cried with you, we'll all be okay together. We all love you, Nattsun. We always will._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Maru-chan, Rei-Rei where are we going?"

"Trust us on this," Ranmaru assured Natsuki as Reiji pulled the latter along by the hand. "Just don't take the blindfold off yet, or it'll ruin everything."

Natsuki nodded with a slight smile. "Yep."

While Reiji, Ai and Camus were running errands for the day, Ranmaru had taken Natsuki around the city to try and cheer him up, even though the rocker did show a few awkward smiles. The two of them had gone to a petting zoo, a park, a music museum, and had hotpot for lunch together, and Natsuki could not help but smile softly at how kind and sweet Ranmaru was being. But the emotions and thoughts that had been haunting him and bleeding inside of him still did not leave. In the petting zoo and park, he could see in his mind the gentle-coloured flowers being stained a dark crimson. In the music museum, he could hear the cold shrill notes of the violin digging deeper and deeper into his head like a torrent of knives. In the hotpot restaurant, the imagery slipped through the empty crevices of his mind and silently screamed through his heart, causing a lump to form at his throat no matter how much he wished to stop all of it. And throughout all those broken emotions, Ranmaru had been by his side and assured him that they were going to get through the pain, no matter how long and what it took.

 _Honestly, the fact that you trust us all with being there for you makes us happy, ya know_ , Ranmaru had told Natsuki, grinning slightly as the rocker draped an arm around him. _With one another, we're able to feel and know what it's like to trust and be trusted, and to be trusted is something I wouldn't trade for anything. Especially being trusted by people I trust._

About an hour after lunch, Reiji had picked them up, saying that he was done with what he needed to do and was going to drive the three of them somewhere. Inside the car, Natsuki had squeaked in surprise when Reiji blindfolded him with a navy blue tie. _It's a surprise, Nattsun_ , Reiji had said warmly as he ruffled Natsuki's blond hair and Ranmaru guffawed. _Just sit tight and we'll be there in no time, alright? You can even hug Ran-Ran if you want!_ So right now, Reiji and Ranmaru were leading him forward as the three of them walked together, with Natsuki only able to see pure blackness as the brunet squeezed his hand and the silver-haired male pushed him lightly on the back.

_It's cold._

That was the first thing his mind thought when he felt his feet step onto a harder, firmer surface - most likely wood - and cold air swooped past him like wings.

_It's cold... and dark._

The thoughts began spiralling inside his head like a hurricane of ice and he squeezed his eyes shut even tighter, trying not to tremble.

_N-No... I need to be strong... Please..._

"It's going to be alright, Nattsun."

Reiji squeezed Natsuki's hand tightly, his voice soft and gentle.

"We're all here. No matter how painful it is in your heart, we're all right there."

Ranmaru grunted in agreement and Natsuki smiled weakly, his heart thumping loudly in his chest, slower even though still faltering. After a few more minutes of walking in the darkness, Natsuki felt Reiji stop walking and heard the footsteps behind him halt. Just as Natsuki wanted to ask what was going on, the hand that had been holding his gave him a tight squeeze and its owner spoke. 

"Don't remove your blindfold or move around until one of us tells you to, alright? Ran-Ran and I are going to go and check something for a bit."

"Okay, Rei-Rei," Natsuki answered with a soft smile, even though his heart was pulsating nervously.

"Thanks, kiddo."

Ranmaru gave him a light pat on the back as Reiji squeezed one last time and slowly let go of Natsuki's hand. And the two older males immediately walked briskly away, their footsteps echoing as their sounds faded, leaving Natsuki standing alone with the tie still wrapped around his eyes. He could smell the strong, familiar scent of wood and dust, but it did not give much of a clue as to where he could be. Doing his best to not step around, Natsuki slowly inhaled and exhaled into the pitch silence, his heartbeat wavering and quivering at times as he placed his trembling right hand over the chest that held his heart that bled even as the tears sank deeper and deeper with their warmth that turned cold. 

_If I were to be asked to choose between everyone being happy besides myself or myself being the only one happy, I would definitely choose for everyone other than myself to be happy, because I don't want any of them to be sad and I can't be happy if they are not. And I know that their happiness can move my heart and make me smile with them. But right now... everyone is sad because I am. Because I can't be happy, because I can't smile without feeling like I want to cry._

He remembered how Ai, Ranmaru, Camus and Alexander had all immediately stopped what they were doing when Natsuki had been led out of the bedroom after getting ready for the day, how worry had flashed across their eyes, how sadness had threatened to suffocate his heart. It felt like his heart was frozen in a black chasm, unable to be fully warmed by the light he could see, unable to completely smile with the colours that were glowing towards him, stifled by memories and images that had bloomed like the red blood of flower petals. The red blood that would not stop flowing and staining regardless how much he wished he could smile for them.

_For us... even for us. I just-_

"Natsuki, can you hear me?"

Natsuki's eyes widened at the sound of his close friend's voice suddenly speaking. "Maru-chan?"

"Yeah, it's me, kiddo."

Ranmaru's voice came again and it sounded like it was being amplified by a microphone, much to Natsuki's pure confusion.

"I take it that you can hear me, so listen well. I'm going to be your first guide for what we're all going to do. And to give you a heads-up, for one, we and Reiji are not the only ones here. Camus and Ai are here too; they came way earlier than we three did."

Natsuki blinked in surprise. "Ai-chan and Myu-chan?"

"Yeah. You remember how Reiji, Ai and Camus all said that they had errands to tend to? Well... they avoided being specific on purpose, 'cause by 'errands', they really meant making the preparations for this. For you. While I kept you occupied while bringing you around the city."

"G-Guys..." Natsuki's voice was soft even as his heart thudded in shock, "you were doing so much... for me...?"

"You got that right," Ranmaru confirmed. "And right now, with all of us here, we're gonna start. Like I said, I'm your first guide, and I need you to trust me on this. Depending on what crosses your mind first when you can finally see, you might panic, but you know that we ain't letting you deal with all of it alone. All of us are right here and able to see you and hear you loud and clear, so if anything goes wrong, we'll intervene. You know we got your back, right?"

Natsuki nodded slightly, knowing that even as nervous and worried as he was, especially towards the fact that Ranmaru said that he may panic, he trusted all of them. "Yep, I know."

"So right now, remove the blindfold and open your eyes, Natsuki."

"Yep."

Carefully, Natsuki undid the tie behind his head and slowly, it unravelled and fell mid-air. Letting out a quiet exhale, he felt his heart thumping loudly in his chest like an amplified pendulum as he slowly opened his eyes, unsure as to what he was about to see. That was when the colours reached and connected with his mind and his eyes dilated as he stumbled backwards on the beige wooden floor, images flashing and flickering through his head like broken reflections and shadows shattering through breaking glass.

_This is-_

He stopped and swivelled around, his eyes wide open in sheer shock as he found himself staring at glass that were held in various embroidered frames that had grand designs, most of them specked with dust, with some of the glass cracked. _Mirrors._ Staring at the mirror directly in front of him, at the deep, thick crack that jagged along the near centre, Natsuki hesitantly reached forward and placed a hand over the crack, the thought of how much it looked like a gash quivering through his heart as images began seeping through his open wounds. Quietly meeting the eyes of his reflection, two pairs of eyes dilated as a memory windmilled through his head like a knife, slicing through the heavy darkness, and he clutched it as a shaky gasp slipped through his lips.

A younger version of himself staring back at him in a different mirror, a cold mirror, in a dimly lit room.

_That one mirror..._

Mind throbbing, heart breaking, a kaleidoscope of emotions that would not and could not stop.

_That empty, empty mirror..._

Eyes widened with sheer anguish that did not cease with each heartbeat.

_I..._

A flash.

_I..._

And then...

_It broke._

He stared down at his own hands as he flinched, both of which were quivering.

_I b-broke it._

In that room, its sole mirror had been broken, cracks of glass against the music sheets scattered across the floor. One swing had sent the glass shattering into fragments as his heart fell apart and away, his fingers bleeding along with wounds with pain that could not be undone. The other side of the memories... One side was the flowers that had been stained with blood, while the other... was this room with the broken mirror. The mirror that he had broken just before he fell backwards onto the floor, hugged his knees, and broke down.

_As I stared at myself, I knew I was bleeding, even before the mirror was broken._

In the present, Natsuki clutched his chest as he clenched his teeth, staring directly into the eyes of the reflection, into a pure green behind glasses with a light that was trembling, with a harrowing pain that was wavering as much as it was crying.

_And breaking the mirror... did not stop the bleeding. It kept flowing and flowing and flowing, like this river of sadness, like this cadence of memories that are piercing through the flowers of the meadows that had made me smile... that is now unable to make me smile. I think that more than anything, back then when I was alone in front of that mirror, as I stared and knew of the tears that I couldn't stop... all I wanted was to be able to let go of this sadness, to free myself for once. But I couldn't. I couldn't no matter what. And right now... even though I wasn't the one who broke the mirror this time... it just keeps bleeding._

_"I have no other choice but to howl at the wind of loneliness_

_But I want to protect you,_

_Who loved me without fearing"_

\- "Be Proud", by Ranmaru Kurosaki (Tatsuhisa Suzuki)


	65. Child of Flowers

Ai Mikaze

If Natsuki's heart were a maze, then his emotions were travellers that were wandering in the intricate labyrinth. Uncertain as to which trail to follow, bumping into dead ends and unsuspecting corners, able to see yet running blindly, almost as though they were in pitch darkness. And they saw their own reflections on the walls, all of which were made of mirrors, displaying identical movements, identical imagery, identical colours, all of which they were uncertain were good enough, strong enough, bright enough.

"Identical"... "Enough"... Words that were harsh and cynical yet all too many times... hollow.

Ai's heartbeat wavered a little as he sat on a wooden stool and watched from his laptop screen Natsuki clutching his chest while staring at the broken mirror directly in front of him with dilated green eyes that held a quivering light. While Camus grimaced slightly, Ranmaru clenched his teeth in pain and Reiji's grey eyes tightened in anguish. There were two kinds of imagery that had been haunting Natsuki during both times of the day. While one imagery was the flower meadows that had been blemished by crimson blood, the other imagery was a direct reflection of his repressed memories: the broken mirror in an isolated room. 

_When I listened to "Bleeding Strings", I remembered a tall glass mirror in a small room_ , Natsuki had uttered in a near whisper, his voice quivering as he sat with Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru, Camus and Alexander in the living room. _I don't remember what happened before then, but the emotions inside my heart were so, so painful. I don't even know what I was thinking, but one moment I was staring into that mirror and then t-the next thing I knew... it shattered._

His eyes wide with emotions drowning in trauma, Natsuki had stared down at his hands that held scars and wounds that could never be seen merely by the eyes alone.

_I was bleeding and both in my hands and heart. I don't remember even swinging at the mirror, but I knew someone did and... I was alone there. I broke it and yet... I cried._

Pale sunlight filtered through the crevices that the frayed white curtains of the windows and the mahogany wooden walls allowed as warmth faded into silent coldness. Scintillas of powdered dust hovered in the air with not a single feather in sight. Through the laptop, the four of them could all hear Natsuki's quivering breaths and see the light in his gentle green eyes trembling painfully, showing no sign of ceasing anytime soon. Curling his fingers even tighter around the electret microphone, Ranmaru spun around to face Reiji, Ai and Camus with heterochromatic eyes tight with agony, that demanded, _Now?_ Glancing down at the laptop and at one another, Ai, Reiji and Camus all nodded as well, their expressions as pained as they were resolute. His eyes serious, Camus shifted his attention to Ai and gave him a brief, blunt nod.

 _Start now, Ai_ , he mouthed.

Without a moment of hesitation, Ai nodded and positioned his hands on his synthesizer. Remembering the melody not only by memory but heart, he lowered his eyes and tapped the first key delicately.

Natsuki Shinomiya

_Is it normal to smile sadly when you see yourself in the mirror?_

It was a question that had echoed more than once inside Natsuki's head like a hollow sound from a dark place, that allowed sadness to undulate and spread through his heart that seemed to turn colder at the sight of his own reflection. He did not know if it was the same for anyone else, but there were times when he would peer at himself in the mirror and immediately, the first thoughts that came to mind would be his flaws, his weaknesses. He did not understand how people could admire themselves with a bright smile or grin when they looked through the mirror, how they could easily and sincerely compliment themselves the moment they saw their reflections, when his own heart would throb painfully when his eyes silently met those of his reflection.

 _With repressed memories comes repressed pain_ , Ranmaru had warned him quietly with an arm wrapped protectively around him not long after the five of them had read Satsuki's last letter that had given Natsuki permission to slowly start playing the violin - and recover his memories - again. _Even the titles of those songs already tell us it's gonna be a journey full of pain and torture. But you'll get through this, you know? You have us to make sure of it._

Was there a reason that the surface of the mirror always felt so cold to the point that it was near numbing whenever he touched it? Because he felt it all over again as he placed a quivering hand next to the irreparable crack on the glass, the coldness somehow intensifying the sadness that was already suffocating his heart like white vapours silently thickening an ever-growing mist. This was the pain that his younger self had been drowning in when he broke the mirror all those years ago... wasn't it? 

Slowly pulling away from the mirror, Natsuki felt his lips twist into a painful wince, clenching his hands tightly.

What he lacked then... what he lacked now.

Before the thoughts could continue engulfing his mind and heart, the sound of the piano reverberated into his ears and through his mind, falling into the fog like a silent but gentle raindrop.

His eyes widened as the piano continued to resound through the room of mirrors, the melody soothing as it reached in and tugged at his heartstrings. Ranmaru did mention that Ai was here too, and among the five of them, the teal-haired boy was the only one who could play the piano given how his main instrument was a synthesizer. Although, it could be him playing the synthesizer while creating the sounds of the piano. 

Letting out a soft exhale, Natsuki felt emotions glow amidst the dark sorrow of his heart as a weak smile curved on his lips.

And either way... it was truly beautiful. 

"Natsuki."

"Maru-chan?" Natsuki called out gently, trying to stop his voice from trembling.

"Can you hear the synthesizer?"

"Yep," Natsuki answered, smiling faintly. "I can. It's Ai-chan, right?"

"Yeah. Whaddya think?"

"It's beautiful."

"Do you recognize the song?"

Natsuki's eyes widened in confusion. "This song...?" He silently listened to the gentle melody, trying to piece it together with his own memories. "Do I know this song? I-" The truth suddenly connected like glass pieces in his head and his heart stopped with a loud thud, noticing how the emotional high notes of the synthesizer resembled the bone-chilling high notes of a particular song a little too much for it to be a coincidence. 

_The louder yet still-gentle notes that represented the higher notes, the quiet keys that replaced the silent screams of the violin... It's that song... isn't i-_

"Natsuki, you alright, kiddo?"

"I am a-and... yep... I do. It's the violin piece... right ...?"

Tears began filling the back of his eyes as a lump rose to his throat.

"Did you guys... rearrange 'Bleeding Strings'...?"

"The idea was mine, but Camus, Ai and Reiji were the ones rearranging the song when I was out bringing you around the city," Ranmaru responded, a slight grin reaching his voice. "Had the discussion over it before you woke up and we found and agreed that as heartbreaking as the original, bleeding version you made as a kid was, it was perfect for a ballad. You couldn't tell that it was 'Bleeding Strings' at first, right? That's because we wanted to show you that the bleeding was not all there was to the song that you composed, as well as the heart that composed it in the first place."

Ranmaru's breath could be heard as Natsuki nodded, the latter trying to hold back his tears.

"Say, I'd like to take my turn in asking questions now."

He paused for a moment, almost as though he was trying to figure out how to say it.

"I uh... I saw how you looked at yourself in the mirror."

Natsuki's breath was caught in his throat as his eyes widened. He hung his head, his lips contorting into a slight wince as Ranmaru continued with a voice quieter than usual.

"Can you look in the mirror for me, kiddo?"

Slowly, Natsuki turned and faced the cracked mirror in front of him, his hands trembling by his sides, the gentle sounds of the synthesizer almost distorted by his own heavy thoughts like puddles of water as he blinked and heard his own heartbeat getting painfully louder.

"Like I said, I'm your first guide and it's my responsibility to guide you through this. And as your guide _and_ your friend, I know something's wrong when I see it. The broken mirror in your memory is one thing, but there's something about the way you look at yourself in the mirror that hurts. You couldn't see or hear Ai, Camus and Reiji from where you are, but they noticed the same thing I did. I did tell you that the pain would get worse the more the memories came out, which it clearly did, but something tells us that it isn't just a matter of the trauma of the past coming out."

A sharp exhale relinquished into the atmosphere, Ranmaru sounded nearly pained when he uttered the next words through his microphone.

"It's also the trauma revealing an open wound and making the pain of the present even more painful than it previously was... isn't it? Don't hold back in correcting me if I'm wrong."

A shaky gasp slipped from Natsuki's lips as his eyes slowly widened. He... He had not thought of the pain and sadness inside his heart that way. He genuinely had not at all, but Ranmaru's words were more than enough to make his heartstrings quiver violently, even as the gentle cadence of the synthesizer continued to fill the room. _Is that... true...?_ He knew that he was terrified to think of it that way, especially now that the cold possibility was staring at him in the face like a ghost were standing before his eyes, but refusing to avoid this, he silently sifted through the thoughts and memories overwhelming his head like a drowning vortex of waves, trying to piece them together with what Ranmaru had said as he stared at himself in the mirror, and...

He... He was right. 

Ranmaru was right.

It was not only a matter of the song's sadness seeping into the ocean that his heart was sinking in. 

It was the past's bleeding melody turning the waves even more painfully cold, turning the glass in which he saw his own self even more numbing, tearing open wounds that were already gaping a little more. Even when he did not realize it himself. And it had been piling over and over his heart, suffocating him the more he tried to breathe, the more he tried to stay strong.

_It's... true..._

"Y... Yep. Maru-chan."

Natsuki nodded quietly, his lips curved into a trembling smile.

"I was already bleeding... before I even knew the wounds were open. Before I even saw red. I guess I've been sinking without even knowing I touched the water..." his voice cracked as he blinked through the first tears peeking from the corners of his eyes, "... and seeing the broken mirror... in my memories... just makes it hurt even more."

Warm tears rolled down his cheeks as he uttered softly.

"I guess that's why... there's been a sad smile... when I see myself in the mirror."

"Talk us through it, kiddo."

Ranmaru told him quietly, sheer agony lacing his normally-gruff voice.

"We've got all the time in the world to handle this. We've got ya, kiddo. We've got ya, got it?"

Reiji Kotobuki

"Sorry... if I t-take too long... or it's... too painful."

"Don't apologize for a thing, Natsuki," Ranmaru answered, shaking his head as he watched Natsuki from the laptop screen. But even as calm as his voice was, the rocker's eyes were filled with sheer torture. "We ain't gonna pressure you at all; the point is to make sure you're gonna be alright, not hurt you. God, you know we ain't ever gonna hurt you."

His voice, even thought tight with hurt, softened again.

"And you could never hurt us, ya know. Even if you don't believe it yourself."

Ai had stopped playing the synthesizer and was facing the laptop screen with teal eyes bright with pure sadness as Camus closed his eyes in pain. With his hands clasped near his mouth, Reiji stared silently with sobs clawing at his throat and tears threatening to fall from his eyes as his heart trembled in his chest at the sight of Natsuki's eyes reflecting the broken pieces of his heart and soul, at the tears trickling down their best friend's cheeks as he attempted to gather his thoughts in one place regardless how much they were in pieces.

_With your imagery in mind, we decided to create a maze of mirrors for you, to try and help release the sadness and anguish that have been wandering and trapped inside of your heart, to free you from the overlapping of the broken pieces of his past and present. Ran-Ran was the first to volunteer to be your first guide and the two of you were doing so, so well even when the beginning, as represented by the reality of the maze, is full of cracks against fragile yet reflective glass. Even though Ran-Ran's not exactly the best at being patient or gentle, even though you are in so much pain, both of you were stepping forward little by little as the words came out._

Reiji's heart twisted with sheer sorrow as he watched Natsuki stare down at the wooden floor and Ranmaru grit his teeth in pain, the air between the four of them engulfed in an ever-thickening fog of anguish for their closest friend.

_The wish to be healed from your sadness... always begins painfully... doesn't it?_

"When I look in the mirror..."

Natsuki's voice broke a little as he silently placed a hand on the glass, a sob cracking, the mirror's bronze frame glinting as the pain chipped at Reiji's heart like glass.

"I don't understand why people are able to smile brightly and just be happy when they look at themselves in the mirror." Reiji's eyes widened as everyone froze. It took every ounce of his strength to not choke out a sob as he covered his mouth and felt tears building up at the back of his eyes. _Nattsun-_ "I just can't... because when I look at myself, the first thought that comes is my flaws, what I lack when I shouldn't be. B-Back then... in that empty room, in front of that one mirror, I was looking at my reflection and even though I still do not remember why I was crying... I know that it was painful just to look at myself, to be reminded of how incapable I was. And now that memory... has overlapped with the 'me' that I am now, that is terrified under the weight of the thoughts, even if left unsaid, that I'm... I'm not enough. That something is w-wrong with me... because I can't even let go of the sadness, can't even be strong enough... for the people I love the most."

Warm tears dribbled down Natsuki's cheeks and onto the floor as his fingers on the glass mirror slowly curled into a trembling fist, his soft green eyes filled with the shattered pieces of his own heart. _But you are enough_ , Reiji wished Natsuki would believe, tears stinging in his eyes. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that Ranmaru had one fist pressed hard against the wall as his teeth gritted in agony, his head slowly shaking as Ai whispered Natsuki's name and Camus squeezed his eyes shut even tighter. And it only made his own lips quiver even more as the lump grew thicker in his throat. 

_You are more than enough, dear Nattsun... You always have been..._

"You guys know... how some birdies are locked in cages... right...?"

Natsuki's voice was barely audible as Camus slowly opened his eyes again, close to a broken whisper.

"To be honest... with these emotions hurting so much... I'm glad and grateful that at the very least... the birdies are not locked in a cage of mirrors. Because when you are trapped, these cold thoughts begin to take over and hurt you on the inside. I..." He placed his other hand over the centre of his chest and clutched tightly, his eyes tightening, "I think of how much their sadness and pain will just grow if they were forced in a cage where the only thing they could see were their own selves in the glass. The more stuck you feel, the more painful your thoughts, even what you feel about your own self, will feel; that's... what I learnt and I think... was exactly what I felt back then when I was quitting the violin. Even when they try to move past their sadness, their wings keep bumping into the cold glass, the emotions keep overflowing, and... they try and break the glass, only for the walls to remain even as the pieces tear through them and make them bleed. And all that time... even as they cry out... no one can hear their song, reach out to their bleeding melody. These feelings, these thoughts, these memories..."

Squeezing his eyes shut, Natsuki let out a shaky exhale and shook his head, his shoulders quivering violently.

"They've been welling up over one another inside of me... and even now... I still don't know what to do to let go of them, to feel the warmth of the words 'It's alright' again... I'm so sorry, Maru-chan, Rei-Rei, Ai-chan, Myu-chan... I know that you guys... don't want me to apologize, but really... I'm so sorry..."

"No, kiddo... You ain't the one who needs to be sorry for anything."

Ranmaru's voice was straining to remain calm as the syllables were on the verge of breaking.

"Give us a moment, alright? The microphone will be off, but we'll be right here."

"Yep."

Soundlessly, Ranmaru switched off the electret microphone and placed it on the table, his head hung. "Ai..." his voice was clearly forcing itself to be quiet, "he can't hear us from here if we're not too loud, right?"

"As long as we maintain a volume below our normal speaking level." Reiji immediately noticed that Ai, whose voice was much softer than before, was using the word "we", rather than the word "you". "Although... after what Natsuki just said, I cannot blame any of us if we go beyond that."

"... _God_..."

Ranmaru slammed both of his fists against the wall, his voice cracking audibly with emotion as he shut his eyes and gritted his teeth.

"God knows all five of us knew what we were signing up for wasn't gonna be near easy, but that doesn't mean that it isn't anything but torture seeing Natsuki like _this_. I can freaking see why Satsuki was terrified to allow Natsuki to play the violin again. I think it's brutal honesty to say that all of us have had our share of trauma and can say that it ain't at all easy to get past it, but for repressed trauma to be slammed at him like that when he's already suffering so much? For him to be unable to let it out and be forced to grapple with it like that? I _hate_ seeing our bright kiddo like this and I can't even begin to imagine how on actual earth I managed to keep myself together throughout that entire time. And I couldn't say it then or it'd bring even worse memories into his head, but..."

A rough sob crumbled from his lips as he spun around to face them with grey and magenta eyes prickling with unshed tears.

"He's the _same_ person who nearly died struggling to live through a night in which he was brutally tortured just because he put his best friend over himself, who managed to live with himself even as the same night haunted him whether his eyes were closed or open. And yet they just won't let him see it or let his heart even freaking breathe? Doesn't he deserve at _least_ that much?"

It was hardly believable that Ranmaru was able to keep his voice low and restrain himself from screaming out his anguish as he slowly unravelled in the room despite his usual struggles when it came to expressing his deepest thoughts and emotions. However, the truth was that everyone in this room had the exact same thoughts, were on the exact same page, were breaking as the seconds ticked by, and no one had objected when Ranmaru decided to switch off the microphone, for they did not want Natsuki... to hear them cry. Quietly shaking his head, Reiji walked over to Ai and hugged him tightly, burying his own face into the younger boy's shoulder as he finally allowed his sobs to shatter out of the hollow of his throat. While Ai cried even quieter, Reiji could feel the former's body quaver little by little, like a canary burying itself in its nest, as a pair of hands wrapped themselves around the brunet's on his stomach. And it only took one glance at the normally-composed Camus to see in his ice-blue eyes the aching of the heart in his chest, the platinum-blond's head lowered as his lips were coerced to remain pursed in a thin line that failed to conceal his real feelings.

"It... can never disappear... can it?"

"Unfortunately, no. Your best hope would be to use concealer, but even that is washable and therefore, temporary."

Ai gave Natsuki a worried look.

"What is on your mind, Natsuki?"

It was a couple of days after they had brought Natsuki home from the hospital. Natsuki had been spacing out more than he usually did, his heart and mind tormented by the shattered memories of being tortured by Kei, Hibiki and Ozrock in the alleyway. When the five of them were having a sleepover in the living room of the apartment, Natsuki suddenly got up, his lips twisted into a painful wince, and sprinted towards his and Reiji's shared bedroom. Exchanging worried glances, Reiji and the others had immediately ran after Natsuki, calling out to him, only to find him vomiting into the toilet bowl in the restroom. Reiji and Ai had stayed with Natsuki and calmed him down while Ranmaru grabbed the tissue box and Camus boiled water, and his heart had broken into pieces as Natsuki broke down, strangled sounds and cries choking him on the throat. It was only after a long, painful while that the five of them were settled on Natsuki and Reiji's shared bed, having the heart-to-heart that they all knew they needed, and that was when the former, who had yet to fully recover from earlier, quietly asked them if his stab wound would ever disappear.

Settling even more on the bed, Reiji wrapped his arm around Natsuki even tighter as the senpais patiently waited for the gentle blond to answer Ai's question, with Camus placing a hand on Natsuki's back despite often being awkward in regards to affection. The little light that managed to shine even amidst the pools of sadness in his green eyes sank further as Natsuki lowered his head and curled his fingers around his mug of hot water, the soft breath that slipped from his lips resembling an invisible vapour that disappeared too quickly to truly say much of anything, let alone its painful story.

"I knew that it would take so much time," Natsuki began softly and under the dim lighting, Reiji could see that his normally-cheerful face had yet to completely regain its colour. "All of you did say it to me and tell me that it would be painful but it'll all be okay. I really mean it when I say I know and believe you. But when the memories come flashing inside my head, I'm not sure how it works, but it makes the scar on my chest hurt again, like it hasn't been healed, and..."

Placing a hand over his chest where the relics of his wound remained, Natsuki lowered his eyes as his shoulders began to quiver like petals silently mourning in the wind, just like the tears threatening to fall as they glimmered in his green eyes.

"I'm t-terrified... that as long as this scar stays..." the hand on his chest began to tremble as well, "... the pain won't stop. I don't want to remain this broken and yet every time I see what happened in my head, every time I look into the mirror after taking my clothes off before a shower... I... I just can't... get the pieces to stop breaking one another, and my head, even as much as I don't want to believe it, starts to think... 'What if... the pain, just like the scar, just like the memories... is here to stay and never leave, no matter how much I don't want it to?'"

His lips twisted into a tight wince as a sob crumbled out and broke through the cold air, and Reiji felt excruciatingly helpless as he held Natsuki even tighter and began to cry as well.

"I don't want... to remain broken... when all it does... is make all of us sad..."

That night, even the quietest of words or the quickest of glances were not needed to know that one way or another, everyone in the room was crying as they held one another in a five-man group hug that remained painfully warm and tight even as quivers and cries were felt and heard. Whether through the cracks of a tortured voice or the fractures of a beating heart... the tears did not stop falling for anything, just like the freezing rain pouring outside, just like the cold moonlight glowing in the blackness. And the same went for now as Natsuki remained in front of the fractured mirror and Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus stayed one floor above him, the sunshine filtering from the unconcealed glass windows doing nothing to soothe or warm any of their hearts as the tears ran cold.

 _At least, then, letting the tears go was able to relieve him of the pain at least a little_ , Reiji murmured in his head as Ai turned in his seat to hold Reiji with his arms. _It broke our hearts so much seeing him our sweet, precious Nattsun cry like that, but even as painful as everything was, he did get better and better each day, even as the scar remained on his chest, even as tears were shed. But right now... it's not the same. I know how much time and pain it can take to overcome trauma - I had suffered mine for years and years and it never really got better until I met him. But right now... even a thousand tears aren't anywhere near enough to let go of the hurt, the sadness, the trauma... all of which are stuck inside a heart that is supposed to be filled with pure warmth._

Ranmaru swiped furiously at his own eyes and Camus kept his head down as on the other side of the screen, Natsuki was quivering like flowers in a rainstorm, as painfully innocent as he was stuck inside the cold even with the sun shining outside.

_We would take all of the pain as our own if we could, you know. Even though you wouldn't want us to, we would, you know, because we'd rather that... than see you suffer like this._

When Reiji raised his head to the ceiling, he saw the silhouettes of birds soaring against the blinding white sunlight in a sky whose colour had hardly been regarded amidst the cold sadness that the quintet had been engulfed in. Unlike those that were kept in cages, which Natsuki had described earlier, the birds up there were free to soar wherever they wished to, with wings unstained with blood, with delicate feathers that were a treasure to those who stumbled upon them. Wiping his tears away, Reiji then noticed a few white petals slipping through the gaping crevice of the imperfect glass and flutter down to the small pool of sunlight on the dusty wooden floor. That simple yet picaresque sight was enough to bring a soft smile tinging his lips as memories welled up inside his heart like the waterfall that had been trapped from cascading back up and a few shaky breaths were heard.

_Now I remember... It's not about how much you let your tears fall. It's what you change the tears into._

Remembering what all of the senpais had set out to do by preparing everything and getting Natsuki to come here, Reiji faced Ai, Ranmaru and Camus again and whispered, "Together, we'll be able to change his tears."

Their eyes collectively widened at first, but soon smiles began to appear on their faces as Ai squeezed Reiji's hand and Ranmaru and Camus wiped their tears away.

"Just like he changed ours, it's our turn now, and we know exactly how, right?"

All of them agreed, bringing a warm smile to Reiji's face. At that very moment, a soft voice sang into his ears, and his eyes widened with warm tears.

It was not coming from any of them four.

Natsuki Shinomiya

Before the glass made his hands bleed, the strings of the violin did.

He knew that the memories that had surfaced back inside his head were not all that there were to remember, but he remembered parts of which memory happened before or after the rest, and so he knew. Not long before the mirror in that small room was broken, a younger Natsuki had played the violin to try and overcome the pain that kept bleeding and bleeding inside his heart. "Eclipsed Crescendo", the first of what would be the four broken violin pieces, had been completed and he was pouring his broken heart out to a new piece that he had yet to name as the sharp, high notes pierced and pierced through his broken soul over and over again like a torrent of knives. He did not know how, but during the hurricane of pain and tears, his finger had slipped and before he knew it, the violin had toppled onto the wooden floor and he was clutching his right hand, crimson liquid blooming from the thin gash on the surface of his small palm. 

Choking back a weep, he had remained in his bedroom, not wanting his temporary caretaker to notice and call his parents, who were away tending to the family business in another city, and cause them to worry. He had clumsily grabbed the first-aid kit and disinfected the gash and wrapped white gauze around it, having learned from all the times he had taken care of animals, and buried himself under the blankets and little plushies, hugging the bunny plushie whose sweet smile could not quell the storm whirling inside his heart. 

And now the strings and glass pieces were gashing him again, except not against his hands and instead, against his heart that was left vulnerable in cold trauma. Pressing his hand and staring at himself in the cold glass of the mirror that could never be completely fixed, Natsuki sniffled as the warmth of his tears slowly disappeared into the soundless air, a kind of warmth that could never truly be brought back once it was gone. He could not remain broken like this. He could not let himself be stuck in this sadness forever. His throat was aching from his silent cries and his heart was still in pieces in his hollow chest. Grasping his chest, he closed his eyes and thought of how he had managed to walk forward before "Bleeding Strings" pierced him with trauma that had been locked within himself, how he had been able to piece himself back together even after people like Ozrock shattered him with malicious smiles on their faces. 

_I really, really didn't want them to, but... they're crying... aren't they...? Maru-chan already sounded like he was trying not to cry before he turned the microphone off and all of them are so hurt and... I can't let things be like this. I never wanted them to cry like this... I never will. Yet... I'm crying too._

He remembered the times that all five of them had cried together and his heart broke at the shattered memories.

_I want and need to change these tears... for them, for us._

Breathing out a quivering exhale, he slowly opened his eyes and gazed around, only then noticing the sunshine seeping through the crevices that the curtains allowed, his eyes widening at that innocuous light that his pain had deflected him from seeing. Tiny white petals slipped through the little opening and tumbled down onto the floor, and something about that sight alone moved his heart. _Like tears, they fell. And as small as they are, you remember them._ Looking up, he then noticed that the room he was in, wherever he was, was not as dark as he had initially thought it was, for sunlight was brightening what would have been too dull, too dark. It tugged back a particular melody into his head like a lullaby in the clearing of a deep forest, the sounds of Ai's synthesizer filled with resonating kindness as it played a new version of the violin piece that had shattered his soul, and without much of a warning, colours welled up inside of his heart and it came to him.

" _I will write your song of tears... into a flower garden..._ "

Natsuki sang gently, letting his broken heart beat with the melody that they had transformed for him.

" _A garden that only exists... because your tears are bright..._ "

The words were intertwined with what would have most likely been the chorus if the new arrangement of "Bleeding Strings" were to be a lyrical ballad. His eyes widened in pure surprise once he had stopped singing, astonished by how natural the ideas had appeared and flowed with the rearrangement of the broken violin piece. Looking down at the hand that remained over his chest, Natsuki felt his own heart easing a little, like it was beginning to see the light instead of only being hurt or blinded by it, instead of falling deeper into pitch black.

"You do know that you're the reason why the garden even exists in the first place, right?"

Natsuki's eyes widened as Ranmaru's voice chuckled lightly, unaware that the latter had switched the microphone on again. "M-Maru-chan...?"

"It's kinda ironic that the one singing those lyrics is the one without whom more than half of us wouldn't even care to keep a garden alive. Looks like all five of us found the same epiphany at just about the same time, huh?" A slight grin reached his voice. "Took awhile for all of us to pull ourselves back together, but I believe that it's gonna get better from here on out. You believe us, right? That we got your back? Even with that cracked mirror staring you in the face?"

"Of course I do," Natsuki answered softly, smiling lightly. "But I also believe that all of you care more than you believe you do. Even though I agree that all of us have grown so much ever since we first met, I believe that even back then, none of us would just let a garden, or even just a single flower, wilt and die. More than anything..." his voice softened, "I'm the one who may not have been able... to even see a glimpse of the garden in bloom if not for you guys."

"And that's where we all don't agree."

Ranmaru spoke up immediately and Natsuki's eyes widened slightly.

"'Cause what you see when you look into the mirror is not what Reiji, Camus, Ai and I see when we look at ya. In a way, even as much as we're polar opposites, I'm a lot like you. Often times, we both notice and focus on our weaknesses and flaws so much and are so hard on ourselves that we fail to remember that that's not all there is to us as people, as human beings. Everyone in this group's been there before, and right now, we're gonna face it together and get you through it, 'cause the most important thing about you is not all flaws and weaknesses and you need to see that. Let me give you an example."

Natsuki barely noticed that he was holding his breath when Ranmaru was speaking, only letting it out when the silence came back, and his heart quivered like the strings of an instrument.

"Turn to the mirror and tell me which part of your body you see first."

He did as Ranmaru said and carefully turned.

"My eyes," he answered, his voice quiet.

"What do you think of 'em, specifically?"

"I think... the eyes are the most expressive when it comes to emotions."

"Before I respond to that, I'd like to correct your understanding of my question. I meant your eyes, not eyes in general."

"Eto..." Natsuki's heart palpitated even louder in his ears as he blinked in shock and stared into the mirror, "... my eyes... are green and right now... they aren't happy, are they?"

"Both are right," Ranmaru responded, his voice calm, "but let me expand that for you. You've heard of the saying that the eyes are the windows of the soul, right?" Natsuki nodded and the smile appeared to widen in Ranmaru's deep voice. "Thought so. But the thing is that not everyone in the world just lays their real feelings bare through their eyes. There are people who fake smiles to hide bitterness and hatred, people who are just real professionals at lying, you name those kinds. But one thing I've noticed about you from the start is that by some miracle... your eyes have always been so truthful and honest. You don't have to be harsh to be honest and you prove it so simply with your eyes. You're a genuine soul, Natsuki, and I don't say that about or to just about anyone. And... it would be really nice if you could see that too, ya know."

Ranmaru's voice was nearly inaudible as the gentle words slipped through the upper wall between them, even with the microphone switched on.

"'Cause God knows that we're so lucky that we have you, and we really want ya to know that with all your weaknesses and broken pieces and bleeding wounds, you're a blessing. You're _our_ blessing, and we would not trade you for anything or anyone. You don't have to blame yourself for crying, because it's okay to break down. You don't have to be so hard on yourself, because your weaknesses do not define you. The mirror may be broken, but the glass is still in one way or another beautiful to someone, right? And know that I mean it when I say that yes, we both know for a fact that your sadness is stuck inside your heart that is bleeding and broken, but..."

His voice cracked a bit and Natsuki could hear the tears in the older rocker's voice when he uttered the next words:

"... that same heart... is beautiful too. You're bright and broken and beautiful... and that's why... that song of tears you mentioned, our songs of tears, can even make way for a single flower. A flower that has been torn down by the storm and made known to the sun... and is beautiful because of both."

Natsuki's eyes were wide open as tears pooled at their corners and silently streamed down his face like warm rivers, his heartbeat wavering and loud in his ears. "You okay there, kiddo?" He nodded shakily, smiling weakly as he whispered a "yep." "'Cause we're gonna move forward along the maze of mirrors. We've been at the start for some time now and I think it's the time to move along now. You with us?"

"I am."

"Alright." A warm smile was evident in Ranmaru's voice. "Now, go to the left and then enter the opening you see."

"Yep, Maru-chan."

Nodding, Natsuki did as Ranmaru told him to and began walking to his left, passing a wall of cracked mirrors with various heights and frames, all of them covered with dust of different degrees. Carefully, he stepped through the opening, the gap large enough that he did not have to slip through it, and his heart thumped at the mirror that he saw at the next turn. 

"The crack is not merely a crack. It is the wound from which a new beginning begins to cultivate."

"Myu-chan?" Natsuki uttered softly, surprised that it was Camus speaking and not Ranmaru. He walked until he was right in front of the mirror and watched as the single large gash of that mirror held a single, pale blue iris and its few green leaves. Slowly, he reached forward and gently caressed one of the petals, his fingers smoothing the soft, light-coloured surface delicately, not wanting to tear it even a little. Pale blue may not be the warmest colour there ever was, but the sight of the iris appearing from the crack brought warmth blooming a bit more than before in his heart. "Did you guys put this flower here too?"

"I am your second guide, after Ranmaru," Camus began, his baritone voice reverberating into the room. "Admittedly, throughout observing you and Ranmaru, I was somewhat astonished by how fluid your conversation went. With the knowledge of how much of a tsundere he was accustomed to being in mind, he was much less awkward than he normally is in terms of gentle honesty."

"Oi!" Ranmaru's angry voice was heard as Reiji laughed, which caused Natsuki to chuckle a few times. "As for you, Reiji, shut up!"

"Setting aside Ranmaru's unrefined language-" a smirk laced Camus' voice as Ranmaru yelled in protest "-as well as jests that I did not intend to utilize to offend, I do have to concede that I agreed with every single point that he had articulated during his conversation with you. And to answer your question... indeed we were the ones who attached that iris to the mirror." His voice was serious and earnest. "You trusted the four of us with knowing the imagery that has been tormenting you with the trauma that interconnects with it, and together, we found that the two different primary images - the flowers and the broken mirror - could be unified into a form of bright imagery. An imagery that may have been born from trauma, but can heal the heart from that same trauma. Now, that flower on that mirror..."

Natsuki thumbed at the small iris as he listened to Camus, the pale blue colour as vivid as it was delicate.

"Do you know what flower this is?"

"It is an iris, Myu-chan."

"Indeed," Camus replied, a hint of satisfaction in his voice. "Your knowledge about flowers is impressively abundant, precisely like that in regards to tea and animals. Did you know that a bouquet of blue irises deeply regard both faith and hope? Would you not agree that faith and hope are two significant necessities to have if one were to wish to create a new beginning amidst a broken world?"

"I agree," Natsuki answered, smiling faintly as he nodded. "We need to believe and trust... to have the courage to hope."

"Therefore, the iris was the first flower to bloom in what would eventually transform into a garden," Camus stated, "a garden with more than plenty enough to create multifarious bouquets of irises just like it, along with a myriad more kinds of flowers. From one flower, there will exist another, and their colours will spread freely, for in the rain and sun, their courage did not meet a demise, even when it could have, the courage without which not a single flower would have lived to be seen by hearts that needed to be moved." He paused for a moment. "If I were to be honest, had anyone said any segment of this dialogue to me back when my heart was still cold, I would have scoffed and dismissed it as mere blether; insubstantial; the words from a fairy-tale that could and would never exist. However..."

Natsuki remembered the time when Camus asked him to sing a lullaby and fill the void of the latter's frozen heart, except that Camus' heart was never frozen. Now Camus was echoing his reassurances back to him, with the tender words that Natsuki was flawed but it was alright to be flawed, to be vulnerable in the midst of trauma.

And that that vulnerability, those open cracks... was not all there was to see, and those words alone were bringing warmth flowing through him as his heart quivered in his chest.

"I was admittedly wrong. For precisely as shown and represented by the mirror before your eyes, it is from the cracks of a broken reflection that the most precious of flowers are able to blossom and exist, for they have suffered through the darkness of seasons, through trauma, through sorrow, through the transience of what they thought was genuine. Right now... I wish to shed light on what you have taught all of us simply by being the bright soul you are. Not as a form of repayment, but as a wish to heal that I mean with a heart that would not have understood this much empathy and honesty if not for you. Flowers have been blooming from the cracks of your heart that has been fractured, and so... have faith in yourself. You need to remember that you also have yourself to thank that you are here now, for it was your kindness and strength that allowed you to move forward, regardless of the pain dealt upon you."

Camus' voice was nearly hushed even as deep as it was.

"You understand, right?"

"I do, Myu-chan..." 

Natsuki's voice cracked a little as he smiled weakly.

"I know you can tell that it still hurts... but I really do."

"The only answer that I expected of you was an honest one, and I am glad that that is precisely what you chose to gave me."

Camus' voice was as serious as before, and it was encouraging him warmly.

"You may now progress further along the maze of mirrors. Do thread slowly and carefully and have a look around. You will know when to stop."

"Okay, Myu-chan."

Natsuki spoke more quietly than he thought he would, and he turned and began walking further into the maze of mirrors of which he did not know the end. His eyes were wide with pure emotion as he found even more mirrors with more and more flowers seemingly blooming from the cracks etched on the glass. Two yellow daffodils, two violet azaleas, three sunset orange marigolds. Three red roses, four violets, four blue clematis. Mirrors with one crack, then two, then three each... Just as he wondered how long it had taken Camus, Ai, Ranmaru and Reiji to pick all the flowers and attach them to these cracks, his thoughts halted as his heart stopped and soon, began to quiver at the sight of a tall, mahogany-framed mirror with cursive writing in black marker over its glass below its gashes:

_The Rain of Tears that evolved into Tears for both Orion and Sirius_

And in the mirror's painful crack lied a few each of the same three flowers that were imprinted on the white shirt that he had worn on the day he stood up to the crowds and sang the ballad version of "Orion de Shout Out" for both himself and Satsuki with tears in his eyes and heart: a white daisy that meant innocence and loyal love, a blue forget-me-not that meant precious memories, and an indigo tropical anthurium that meant kindness. _You remember..._ Warm tears prickled in Natsuki's eyes and he lifted a hand to wipe them away, his lips wavering as quiet sniffles slipped out. _The flowers, the memories, the emotions... you remember all of it... with me..._

Before, the tears that had fallen amidst the trauma that emerged from the violin piece "Bleeding Strings" had not been able to soothe his broken heart even a little, no matter how much it ached and trembled. Yet as the tears fell now... he felt strangely different, much, much warmer, like there was something glowing past the brokenness and pain like a sunrise. Smiling softly, he continued walking, his heartbeat amplifying inside his mind that was now filled with warmer thoughts and memories even as the painful imagery flickered before his eyes, and the flowers and their variety slowly grew more and more abundant in their colours and leaves as he took more and more steps forward.

His eyes had been hollow with pain and sadness when he looked into the mirror before this, but now... he felt like he was slowly getting some of that warmth and colour back, little by little, drop by drop, petal by petal.

_If my heart were a flower, your emotions and words are the gentle wind, water and sunshine that are softly but surely touching all of its parts, even its bleeding wounds, even its torn petals._

The lump in his throat grew thicker, but for an entirely different reason than when he first entered the maze of mirrors.

_You touched my heart._

After meeting a few dead ends and turning corners, Natsuki was passing walls of mirrors with cracks that were nearly completely covered by flowers and thick green leaves, with stems of leaves elongating along the frames surrounding the glass. The maze was turning more and more into a garden the deeper he went, and it was a gradual and beautiful; the process, the steps, even the beginning. And he believed and knew that all of it... was what his closest friends were all trying to let his shattered heart see all along, away from the darkness, away from the cold tears. That was when he turned and his eyes slowly dilated.

The last mirror before the end of the maze was the most adorned of all the mirrors that he had seen and passed. The glass had by far the most cracks and fractures etched to it, but from those irreparable gaps peeked and shone the flowers that he had seen and more as ivy spiralled along the dark auburn frame like ribbon. Forget-me-nots, alstroemerias, tropical anthuriums, daisies... Clematis, roses, lilies, sunflowers... White, pink, blue, lavender, yellow, orange, red... and even more... all amidst the deep viridescent leaves and ivy, almost like they were a garden on the glass alone. Attached to the top-left corner of the mirror was a small note while a photo was almost completely buried amidst the colours and greenery. Taking in a shaky breath, Natsuki felt his heart squeeze in his chest as he reached for the note first and read the elegant black handwriting in his heart:

_Your Heart is a mirror with cracks from which countless flowers grow and blossom, cultivating within itself a garden of glass and colours that can and will move others to tears, for it is not only about what you become; it is about what it took to be where and who you are today._

Natsuki closed his eyes as warm tears dribbled down his cheeks and seeped from his beating heart, soft sniffles and exhales quivering from his lips as a downpour of emotions fell upon him like flower petals and leaves. When he had regained a little bit of his composure, he slowly opened his eyes and reached past the leaves and flowers and carefully pulled out the single photograph within them and it did not take long for warm tears to blur over his vision when he saw what it was, recognizing the memory within less than a moment.

"It may look like simple and ordinary to most, but it's not to the five of us and just the five of us alone."

Gentle fingers intertwined with his own from behind and squeezed once. Taking in a deep breath, Natsuki turned around and faced Ai, who reached up and wiped the tears on his cheeks away with a brush of his other hand, looking into his eyes with an affectionate smile.

"It's a moment of warmth and healing," Ai continued, his melodious voice a near whisper as his teal eyes reflected the emotions in Natsuki's heart. "Back then, it was the first time that you looked and were so contented and truly happy and warm on the inside throughout stepping out of the cold trauma and... as we watched you fast asleep after dozing off in the sunlight, we could not help but want to seal the memory into at least one photograph. We move hearts and souls and are moved in the heart and soul. And the four of us agreed that of all the photographs to leave on this mirror for you to find... this was a sincerely fitting one."

His voice held a serene and soft smile.

"It's the kind of photo that 'cannot truly be put into words'... just like you taught me, right? A memory that glows even in the cold, colours and emotions that are felt even in the dark."

It was a photo from the first time that the five of them were able to spend time together outside and until late ever since Natsuki woke up from being assaulted in the alleyway by Kei, Hibiki and Ozrock. The five of them had been snuggling together by their favourite river when Natsuki fell asleep in Reiji's arms. Unbeknownst to him, while he remained fast asleep, his best friends had taken photos of the five of them together, including the picture that he was holding now. With all of them on the gentle green grass, Ranmaru was the one holding out his phone as the camera, a rare but gentle smile on his face as he tousled Ai's hair with his free hand. Ai was smiling peacefully with a hand on top of Ranmaru's and an arm wrapped around Reiji, whose grey eyes were soft and bright as he looked down at Natsuki. Camus was on Natsuki's left, a sincere smile formed by his pale blue eyes as his fingers gently carded through Natsuki's blond hair. And Natsuki's head was lying on Reiji's shoulder with the rest of his body leaning onto the brunet, his eyes closed with a small, serene smile unaware of the warm smiles that his four precious friends were giving him as his hands were held by the two people sitting directly next to him, fingers intertwined as the winding river shimmered in the sky dyed in yellow, orange, pink and red; the same colours that were able to fill their hearts because they were together.

_I remember smiling with you when I dozed off by the river. And when I woke up..._

Sniffling, Natsuki smiled softly as he held the photo close to his chest and listened, warm nostalgia shrouding his heart like the spring wind.

_The five of us were back in the car and the first thing I thought of... was how warm it was seeing us smile together just like that... and how I would never forget how warm it felt, no matter what._

"It is one of the countless memories that exist in the garden of our hearts, and even the photo itself does not compare to the memory that it holds."

Ai spoke quietly.

"You agree, don't you?"

"Yep," Natsuki answered, his voice quivering slightly as he squeezed Ai's hand in return, his smile soft. "I wasn't awake to see the photo being taken, but... I remember being the happiest and warmest that I've felt in what felt like a long, long time. It was like I was taken by the hand and pulled out from the cold darkness and could finally not only see, but wholeheartedly feel the warm brightness... that I had no idea I missed so much. I... I missed all of you."

Tears stung in his eyes, but his smile did not waver.

"I missed you... and I love you. So, so dearly much..."

"We love you too. All of us, and we sincerely miss seeing you smiling with your heart. We had meant it when we said that if you couldn't smile, we could not either. We truly missed this. I know I did, deeply. So... you know how much it means to see you crying with a warm smile on your face now, right...?"

Ai's voice faltered with warmth as he smiled, and Natsuki could tell that the younger boy was trying not to cry. "Ai-chan..." Ai shook his head, wiping at his own eyes, and continued.

"And... the exit's right in front of us. So let's go together, alright?"

Holding the note and photo in his other hand, Natsuki could not help but feel tear droplets rolling down his cheeks as he smiled and nodded silently, and Ai proceeded to pull him forward into a run. Chuckling a bit, Ai pulled the door open and tugged Natsuki along, and...

"We knew you'd make it out with a brighter heart, Nattsun."

_Everyone..._

Blinking a few times to adjust his eyes to the brightness, Natsuki let out a quivering breath and watched as the leaves and flower petals soared and twirled in the bright azure sky in beautiful spirals of colours glowing in the pure sunshine, the miracle created by the gales and the relinquishing of the seeds of a white dandelion; the secret that he had shared with the four of them. The sakura trees were in full bloom, its bright pink blossoms shimmering in the treetops under the prismatic blue sky and its warm, iridescent sun, all as the flowers of the meadows that they loved swayed in the spring zephyrs with their unchanged and brilliant colours, from scarlet, lavender and yellow to rose pink, light blue, white and countless different more. He could hear the birdies chirping a lively tune as Ai squeezed his hand and pulled him down the wooden stairs and onto the soft green grass, heading towards Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus, who were approaching them, the air warm with the spring sunshine and their emotions intertwined into one like how each petal and its colour gave light and life to a flower's identity.

_Bright, beautiful... and colourful..._

Natsuki's heart ached painfully as the warmth squeezed it ever so gently, a lump stuck in the hollow of his throat as he tried not to cry again at the sight of all four of his closest friends gazing softly at him with expressions of pure kindness and understanding.

_This... was what you wanted to open my heart to... wasn't it...?_

"G-Guys, you-"

"Come here, Nattsun."

Reiji pulled Natsuki into a big, warm hug, wrapping his arms around him tightly, his voice filled with tender warmth.

"We created that maze of mirrors for you, to help you release the pain and sadness that the trauma had caused to haunt you within your mind and heart." Reiji's normally blithe voice was nearly hushed as his hands pressed onto Natsuki's back and shoulder firmly and Natsuki held him closely. "We saw and knew how much torture you were in and... it hurt so, so much, more than I can even put into words, seeing you so broken as you cried. To be unable to let go, to walk out of the darkness... There was no way that we were going to let it remain like that no matter what it took, ya know. We... we'd never." His words quavered a little as his arms tightened around Natsuki. "And we remembered... that it's not about how many tears we cry. It's about what we choose to turn our tears into and what those tears mean to us. Ai-Ai, Ran-Ran, Myu-chan and I may be the ones who got the idea and created the maze of mirrors with those flowers in the first place, but... you're the one... who made the maze and the garden at its end bright and colourful, with a pure light that would not ever exist without your pure heart."

Reiji's body trembled with emotion as Natsuki felt warm tears seep into the fabric of his own shirt. His lips quivering, Natsuki wrapped his arms around Reiji even tighter as he pulled the older brunet closer and listened quietly to the words reaching his ears and heart.

"Just like imagery, fragments of broken glass are iridescent. They reflect different colours in the light depending on what angle you are seeing them from. We wanted to help you see the bright colours of your heart, past the anguish and agony, and remind you of how powerful and precious you truly are. Last night, you asked Ai-Ai and me if you weren't strong enough, and this... is our as well as Ran-Ran and Myu-chan's way of saying... that you're wrong. You grew so, so much, but even so, there are bound to be times when we struggle and are unable to get past the pain stuck in the innermost parts of our heart and it's okay." 

Natsuki was crying now, quietly as tears trickled down his cheeks, and Reiji ran his hand up and down his back reassuringly. Slowly, Reiji pulled away and Natsuki began to unwrap his arms around him. That was when he felt a hand tuck something soft at the back of his ear and his eyes widened when he saw the white iris peeking next to him, its petals small and delicate. Reiji cradled his cheek with a sweet smile amidst the tears shimmering in his grey eyes as Ranmaru, Ai and Camus drew closer, the five of them now huddled close together in a circle.

"And you'll never stop being our dearest Nattsun. Our precious boy, our child of flowers. No matter how cold the darkness is, no matter how broken the trauma is, we will always be here to take your hand and pull you back into the light, just like you have and would always do for us. Right now... can you tell us something? Can you... see the garden now? Within the broken pieces of the mirror, within the painful memories... can you... see it now?"

Natsuki tried to calm his heart down by inhaling and exhaling as Ranmaru placed a hand on his shoulder; Camus encircled his arms around both Reiji and Natsuki; and Ai wrapped a hand on Ranmaru's shoulder and his other hand settled on Reiji's back. Meeting his closest friends' gentle smiles, Natsuki felt himself tremble as he spoke as evenly as his quiet, shaking voice could manage.

"Yep... the garden... It's in full bloom."

Nearly choking on his sobs, Natsuki felt the hands holding him tighten a little as he placed a quivering hand above Reiji's on his cheek, smiling through his tears a smile that reflected the warm sunshine that was able to flow in his heart because of them, because they touched his heart.

"As I walked through the maze you guys made for me, I was able to slowly see past the darkness, little by little, one step at a time, with all of you guiding me with your emotions and presence. These tears... were able to become flowers that wish to bloom and give colour... because you helped me open my crying heart to the light... your light. Helping me truly believe that we would be okay, that I could move on past the sad smile I saw in the mirror, even... if that song makes me bleed again. Rei-Rei... Maru-chan... Ai-chan... Myu-chan..."

His free hand gripped at the centre of his chest as his smile softened with his heart.

"Thank you... for touching my heart... for loving me... for all... that I am."

Reiji let out a cracked sob as Camus, Ranmaru and Ai all smiled, everyone's eyes all glistening with emotions under the bright spring sun. "Nattsun... Our precious Nattsun!" Natsuki did not know who made the first move, but within less than a moment, the five of them were wrapped in a tight group hug, five hearts beating together in the warmth of a garden that was discovered after walking through the coldness of pain, suffering and trauma with their hands intertwined, with their tears turning into flowers. 

Countless birdies chirped a colourful symphony as the five of them remained close even after pulling away from a long and precious hug, the petals of the meadows soaring in the spring sky in a spiral of multifarious colours, almost like splashing of watercolour with the sky as the canvas. They sat together on a pink-lilac-and-white-checked picnic blanket, with hot butterfly pea latte that Camus and Reiji had brewed for the group, and as Natsuki gazed down at the photo again, about to keep it in his notebook's pages as a bookmark that he would always use, a hand squeezed his own and he chuckled when he saw that it was Ai, who was smiling softly at him.

"Say, kiddo... I hope ya didn't mind us making that new arrangement of your violin piece."

"Of course I don't, Maru-chan," Natsuki assured Ranmaru, shaking his head with a gentle smile. "You guys know that I trust all of you. And... it was a beautiful composition. Even though the violin version was so painful... the one you guys made really moved my heart."

"The original plan included me playing the maracas parts of the arrangement too," Reiji remarked, smiling lightly, "but we changed the plan when we saw that the maracas might have been too loud considering how delicate of a moment it was." He searched through his brown bag and pulled out his green maracas, shaking them with a wide grin. "But now that we're here-"

"No!" Ranmaru yelled, glaring at Reiji. "I ain't getting my eardrums hurt for the sake of the sounds existing any further!"

"But I was just gonna play the compo-"

"Considering your suspicious track record, Reiji, I highly doubt that it would cease merely at that composition and instead, am sure that it would continue to hinder our hearing ability."

"Myu-chan!"

"Um... about the composition... I was thinking..."

Natsuki rubbed the back of his neck shyly as everyone gave him curious looks. _Wait._ He thought over it again and stopped himself, hesitating as he averted his eyes away. 

"Actually... never mind. I think it may be too soon."

"Ehh?" Reiji immediately grabbed Natsuki by the shoulder, his voice filled with disbelief. "Come on, Nattsun! You had something to say, right? Big bro Rei-Rei wants to know and I know for a fact that Ran-Ran, Ai-Ai and Myu-chan are with me here too! Right, fellas?"

"You started this, and we sure ain't lettin' this drop, kiddo," Ranmaru added, grinning slightly as Camus smirked knowingly and placed a hand on Natsuki's shoulder. "Based on what I can tell, it was something deep, and that makes us all wanna know even more, especially when it has something to do with you."

"Or all four of us will remain in the midst of painful curiosity," Ai teased, a small smile quirking at his lips. "The fact that you are not at all a secretive person makes us all the more interested. Besides," his teal eyes turned gentler, "I am certain that your timing was not incorrect like you perceived it to be. So if that is what you're worried about, rest assured that it's more than alright if you wanted to tell us now."

"I agree with Ai," Camus stated, nodding briefly.

"Yep! So we're all ears, Nattsun!"

"Eto..." Natsuki felt his cheeks grow warmer under his closest friends' gentle and earnest expressions, their encouragements tugging at his heart. Letting out an exhale, he thought his decision over again and smiled shyly. "Okay then. I'll tell you guys." Reiji cheered, his eyes lighting up as he tightened his arm around Natsuki, and the latter chuckled as Ai and Camus shared a small high-five and Ranmaru grinned victoriously. "I was thinking about this, listening to the composition in my head, and... I wanted to ask you this."

Inhaling and exhaling, Natsuki tugged at the sleeve of his own white shirt nervously as his heart palpitated loudly in his chest.

"Would you guys... like to sing it as a group ballad together with me... just the five of us?" he asked softly, trying not to look down as surprise crossed his friends' faces even as they all remained serious. "I know that the original song... is painful for all of us, but... as I thought of the arrangement that all of you came up with for me... I thought of how much you moved my heart through that arrangement among everything and... maybe we could turn it into a ballad that can move the hearts of those who have been trapped in sorrow, who are struggling to see the warm colours past the broken mirror, who need to understand that inside their hearts, there is a garden that is waiting to be seen, to be smiled upon as they are reflected in the open. Who, deep down, wish... for someone to be able to reach into their hearts and touch gently but powerfully... just like all of you have done for me. And I thought that if we sang 'Bleeding Strings' as a ballad with your arrangement... we could touch their hearts and bring true warmth to them."

Natsuki felt himself smiling softly even as his heart stumbled with shy nervousness, and that was because he meant every word with every part of his heart and soul.

"So um... do you guys want to? It's okay if you don't-"

"We would be honoured."

Camus interrupted him, giving Natsuki's shoulder a firm squeeze as he smiled sincerely.

"Did you truly believe that any of us would refuse such an earnest request from you? We were actually planning to ask if you wished to create a solo ballad with the new arrangement of your violin piece, but we definitely would not turn down the opportunity to create a five-man ballad if that is what you desire it to be."

"Looks like we've got our hands full at the recording studio," Ranmaru remarked, his lips forming a lopsided grin as he placed an elbow on Reiji's shoulder. "That new group song we just finished writing lyrics for, additional songs for our main unit project, and this is definitely gonna be a fine addition." His heterochromatic eyes were burning with passion. "With the five of us together, it'll definitely be a ballad overflowing with raw emotion, alright!"

"A ballad that carries the broken pieces of the past and yet is able to illumine lost hearts with an undying, unwavering warmth, woven by the pure selflessness of the original composer," Ai spoke softly, placing a hand on Camus' shoulder as his lips curved into a gentle smile. "We have the emotions, the colours and the earnest wishes. All that there is left to do is bring the song to life together."

"And let it not only release the sadness trapped in the heart, but also reveal the warmth that will always, always be there, no matter how painful everything is," Reiji finished, encircling Natsuki with his arms and snuggling close to him with grey eyes filled with pure tenderness. So..." 

He faced Natsuki with a warm smile adorning his features.

"Can you sing those lyrics you came up with again, our precious Nattsun?"

His heart swelled with warm emotions and tears as Natsuki took in their earnest smiles to memory and gave them one of his own softly, his head nodding in agreement. The five of them remained like this, sitting close and holding one another, as he took a deep breath, let it go, and sang the lyrics that had emerged into colour in his heart thanks to them:

_"I will write your song of tears... into a flower garden..._

_A garden that only exists... because your tears are bright..."_

He was singing to a melody that started with shattering his heart and mind, but was now slowly growing to carry the warm wishes and emotions that he shared with Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus, just like how the wind that had once held nothing was now bringing countless bright petals soaring through the infinite blue sky like birds with the wings that could take them wherever they wished to go. Reiji beamed and shook his green maracas, yelping and protesting when a smirking Ranmaru tried to snatch them from him. Ai laughed softly as he leaned a little more onto Camus, who allowed him to do so as he wrapped an arm around Natsuki, a quiet chuckle escaping the platinum-blond's lips. Just like in the photo that the senpais had left Natsuki to find in the maze of mirrors and flowers, the five of them were smiling serenely and warmly in their hearts.

The two boys holding him pulled him downwards and the five of them laughed as Natsuki fell softly onto the picnic blanket. All of them lied there while gazing up at the flower petals and leaves that were twirling in their own colourful dance in the bright sky; their very own symphony that may or may not be a ballad too. A hand gently wiped the tears that he had hardly noticed were about to fall from his eyes and he found Camus smiling softly at him, as though to say, _We are glad to see you smile again._ Ai smiled gently too, and on Natsuki's left, Reiji and Ranmaru were smiling fondly, everyone's eyes filled with true joy; something that had not been seen when Natsuki was unable to smile. Knowing that the tears were there for a completely different reason now, Natsuki let his lips curve into a warm smile as he whispered to them:

"I'm so grateful... that we can smile together. All of us. Thank you for holding me dear, for loving me, for everything... Thank you."

And gently, they told him that they loved him too, that this would never change, as the five of them snuggled close together, their smiles unwavering as Camus' fingers twined with Ai and Natsuki's; Ranmaru tousled Reiji's hair; and Reiji wrapped his arms protectively around Natsuki and Ranmaru. This was what the five of them had turned their song of tears into... 

This... was their flower garden. 

_They say that when you blow against a dandelion flower, you get to make a wish._

Gazing up at the sky, Natsuki wondered who was it who blew against the dandelion flower this time, but it did not really matter, for with a soft smile, he knew that regardless who it was, it was because the five of them were all here together that the view was this special, this precious.

_My biggest wish is that the five of us will always be together. But I don't need to blow on the flower to have it come true, because it already has. Because I know that we always will be right here for one another, in the garden of our hearts, being the reason why... our tears could turn into flowers in full bloom._

Satsuki Shinomiya

_The reason that you do not remember yourself physically swinging at the mirror is because it wasn't you who did it. You believe that it was you because no one else was in the room, but that ain't exactly right._

Satsuki closed his eyes, the memory painfully fresh inside his own mind.

_Because the one who broke that mirror... was me._

That was the first time that Satsuki truly came to the surface. Natsuki had been unable to bear the broken emotions inside his heart and Satsuki had been beyond furious over what had happened to the poor boy. Wishing to protect Natsuki from his own shattering, Satsuki had taken over at that very moment, glared darkly, and smashed the mirror into countless fragments, the sounds of breaking not even fazing him a little. Watching Natsuki face the second violin piece "Bleeding Strings" had stirred up cruel and excruciating memories and emotions inside both of them, as well as the senpais, from what Satsuki could tell, and the fact that the latter could only watch did not make the old and new feelings piercing through him any less painful. However...

_You made it out of the maze, Natsuki._

A genuine smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he crossed his arms and nodded with satisfaction, his heart beating with utmost pride towards the boy whom he had always been protecting. 

_Through the cracks, the tears and the broken pieces, you were able to find the garden that was waiting to be noticed by your pure and radiant soul. Where you would always be reminded that unlike long ago, you are not alone even in the darkness and never will be._

_"This is also... my way of saying it. Of saying that my heart is bright and filled with colour because of you two. Because you gently blew against those dandelions and let their seeds fly, and made the petals inside my heart rise up and colour my sky. And the flowers in my heart are glowing too... because of you... And it glows the brightest when we are all together."_

Those were words that Natsuki had uttered softly and warmly to Reiji and Ai the first time he brought them to these flower meadows. Despite his differences in the amount of strength he had back when he took Reiji and Ai to the meadows for the first time and the now in which he was gazing up at the sky with those two, Ranmaru and Camus... Natsuki was still the same lovable Natsuki he had always been, even though Satsuki had been so afraid of that part of him shattering because of the violin pieces and their history. So even though Satsuki still had his concerns, he allowed himself the smile that lingered in his own heart, believing that Natsuki would be fine.

_By remaining as you are even as you move forward, you are letting the flower petals not only soar, but glow, in our skies too. The child of flowers that you are, just like Reiji said, will never cease to exist and move the hearts of others, including mine... never._

_"What do you expect? What can I do?_

_If I notice this throbbing heartbeat,_

_I don't want to let you go... I won't let you go!"_

\- "Marriage", by QUARTET NIGHT (Showtaro Morikubo, Tatsuhisa Suzuki, Shouta Aoi and Tomoaki Maeno)

_"Even if the sorrow is swallowed when love trembles and cries_

_(Tears in sunshine)_

_Tears will change the colour of your memories_

_It's a jewel of light"_

\- "Tears in love", by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kisho Taniyama)


	66. Shadow of Stars

Reiji Kotobuki

_"I want to be forgotten._

_"Lay me down under the cold blue moonlight and let the darkness swallow me alive and make me disappear until not a single trace remains. Close your eyes and divert your mind away from me and towards everything and anything else you can think of, be it as red as the wounds that my flaws have torn open, as white as the flower petals that I have yet to scar forever. Empty your heart out of all that I have made you feel, even the happiness, even the warmth, because once you fall deeper into me, it will all fade into the cold if you have not wished it gone. Because it is better to have a completely hollow heart that is free to fill itself with any warm colour that it wishes to have, rather than a heart that will later wish to snap its own strings apart like it were a soulless instrument._

_"So please... make me disappear."_

Raising the card to the blue moonlight, Reiji quietly observed how the card, just like the moon itself, changed depending on what light was shining over it, on the gazes that fell upon it. Gazes that may burn in an attempt to smother it to ashes, light that may glow in an attempt to dissolve it until it could not be seen by anything or anyone.

_"Like the illusion of cards and flowers, let me disappear into the hollow night, never to resurface ever again... please."_

Reiji did not dare to even imagine what society would be like if everyone had the ability to disappear with the mere snap of their fingers or the flicks of their wrists, like a magician conjuring up an illusion that would leave watchful eyes baffled, chills dripping down his spine at the mere prospect of how many people would really disappear if it was that cruelly easy to do when it should never be easy or even considered in the first place. _And I was one of the people who ever thought that it would be better if they themselves died_. Heaving out a quiet sigh, Reiji fell back onto his and Natsuki's shared bed, his head sinking against the white pillow, thoughts dipped in cold ink swimming inside his head like abandoned cards floating on the river.

He did not mean to start thinking of the topic of suicide or death of all things - he truly did not. But that prologue that he had written for the new story arc of QUARTET NIGHT's main project echoed inside his head and memories and thoughts had risen from the darkest crevices of his heart like ashes. He had been writing it while listening together with Natsuki, who had been working on song compositions and lyrics for the group, to the more sorrowful and melancholic songs that the quintet had sang, whether it was a solo, group song or unit song, and amidst all the words and melodies, the pain came welling up like cold moonlight, silent yet near suffocating. Lowering the arm that had been holding the card, Reiji curled into himself, hugging his star plushie as he tried to shut the broken thoughts out, words such as _illusion_ , _disappear_ , and _forgotten_ shuddering through him like rippling curtains that he was too terrified to peek through.

_Why do I feel like I've just woken up from a cold dream... when my eyes have been open this whole time...?_

_I want to die_ , one of the most painful lines that he had uttered while playing a character near identical to himself resonated like a shrill sound into the night as he shrunk a little more, his head trying to focus on something else, anything else, other than the darkness that should not be there but still was.

 _I know that I have thought of disappearing before and believed that maybe I should, but that was a long time ago._ His heart was thumping unsteadily in the dimly lit room and his eyes dilated at an all-too familiar silhouette disappearing into the blinding light. _I don't want to disappear. I really don't. I don't want_ anyone _to disappear from me. Take those flower petals, take all the cards on the deck, take all of it away... but don't take_ them _away from me... please don't take them away. I'd always been so afraid of that happening, so afraid of closing then opening my eyes only to find them gone..._

_But..._

Turning his head, Reiji let out a wavering breath as he saw the fawn plushie sitting on the other side of the bed, propped up against a fluffy pillow, a soft smile warming on his face as his heart swelled with emotion.

_I can't lose sight... of how they're still here, of how much they earnestly love me... even when thoughts just like these pass like flying cards, even when... it's so painfully hard to believe that I am deserving of it._

The door slowly creaked open, startling Reiji who immediately widened his eyes. But his heartbeat immediately slowed down, softened by tender emotions, when he saw Natsuki quietly step into their shared bedroom, carrying a tray with two mugs from which white vapour was seeping up into the cool air. "Rei-Rei, I brewed us some hazelnut milk tea." Inhaling the strong, savoury scent, Reiji felt his expression relax into a tender smile as he scooted on the bed closer to Natsuki, who carefully set the tray onto the table and gave him a soft smile that crinkled in his green eyes. _Just when I think of how much I'm loved by you guys... here you are._

Without saying another word, Natsuki got onto the bed and pulled Reiji into a gentle hug, his arms warm and strong as his soft green eyes gazed at the older brunet. With a nearly painful warmth welling up at the back of his own eyes, Reiji let his own head lean onto Natsuki's shoulder as he reached out and gave the younger blond's hand a small squeeze, his heart clenching a little in his chest.

_Just like this... you pull me out of the darkness, my hand in yours, and keep me going... you know...?_

"Did anything happen, Rei-Rei?"

Natsuki held Reiji a little closer, his gentle voice a near whisper.

"When I came in with our milk tea... I saw sadness in your eyes."

"It's nothing much, really," Reiji answered, smiling faintly as his chest grew warmer at how well Natsuki knew him, to the point that the brunet could not hide his true feelings even if he tried. "It's just that that prologue that I wrote... It got way more to me than I thought it would... than it should have, that's all." A small pang of guilt twinged his heart and his fingers curled around Natsuki's a little tighter. "I'm sorry... to worry you like this."

"You don't have to apologize for anything, Rei-Rei..."

Gently pulling away just enough to look directly into Reiji's eyes, Natsuki smiled softly, his green eyes earnest even as they reflected tinges of sadness.

"And it's not unimportant like you said it was. This is one of the reasons why I wanted to stay with you while you worked on the prologue; the theme is a really painful one for you and I didn't want you to be alone in it. It's okay, Rei-Rei, it's really okay... to not be strong all the time, like now."

Thumbing at a tear that had escaped from the corner of Reiji's eye, Natsuki gave his hand a tight squeeze, his eyes as pure as they were filled with true warmth as the blond pulled Reiji into another hug.

"Your feelings are always incredibly important and precious to us, no matter what and who is the reason for those feelings. All of us love you so, so much, Rei-Rei. We all really do."

Reiji nodded quietly, a few warm tears slipping down his cheeks as a weak laugh escaped his lips as a form of a half-sob. Hugging Natsuki back, Reiji whispered, "I love you too, Nattsun. You, Ai-Ai, Myu-chan, Ran-Ran... You know I love you guys." Natsuki hummed softly, running a hand up and down his back soothingly as he wrapped his arms around Reiji a little tighter, the two of them quietly settled in a tender hug warm with their emotions under the cold night. When they slowly pulled away moments later, Reiji wiped at his eyes with one hand, trying his best to smile at least a little as he reached out and intertwined his fingers with Natsuki's. Natsuki smiled softly, squeezing his hand back, and turned to the table, where the mugs of hazelnut milk tea and the prologue draft were.

"Is it okay with you if I read what you wrote, Rei-Rei?" Natsuki asked gently, his warm green eyes quietly gazing at him. "So that I can understand you and your feelings better."

"Of course." Reiji smiled softly, giving him a small nod. "Be my guest, my dear Nattsun."

Natsuki's expression softened as he scooted closer to the table, gently pulling Reiji with him. Natsuki took the green mug first and gave it to Reiji, who accepted it with a true smile spreading across his heart at the small but earnest gesture of innocent kindness that was extremely Natsuki. Reiji carefully moved towards the bedhead to prop up and lean against the pillows and Natsuki soon joined him with the translucent green folder inside which was the prologue draft. Inhaling the savoury scent of hazelnut milk tea, Reiji felt his aching heart swell in his chest as Natsuki sat beside him, wrapping his arm around him with a pure smile, and propped the star plushie onto Reiji's lap. Reiji chuckled and snuggled closer to Natsuki, who let him with soft green eyes and began reading the prologue after slipping it out of the file. 

It did not take long for Natsuki's eyes to widen slightly, which made Reiji's heart silently squeeze in his chest. Even though the prologue was to be recited by Reiji's character, it was definitely clear that it reflected Reiji's true feelings and thoughts - not to the general public, of course, but to the people who knew Reiji the deepest, meaning everyone in this quintet, including Natsuki. Natsuki did not say anything at first, his green eyes holding a serious expression filled with concern as they quietly read the words written in black ink, his arm tightening protectively around Reiji. 

"It's painful, but that pain... is also one of the things that makes it beautiful."

Natsuki remarked quietly, his voice a soft whisper, his eyes crinkling softly under the dim lighting.

"I know that thoughts like these pass by at times and no matter how many times they pass, they still can be really painful. But just like you have taught me, you can always share the pain with all of us. We do not ever want you to cry alone. We won't let you either. You have us and you will always have us, just like how we know that you'll always be here with us. It's our reason why we can keep smiling in our hearts even through cold nights with thoughts and memories filled with sadness, right?"

Reiji nodded slightly, smiling sincerely through his tears as Natsuki placed a hand over the one holding the mug's surface, the blond's hold warm and firm. "You couldn't have been more right, Nattsun."

He could feel his own heart radiating with a warmer smile as he leaned onto Natsuki's shoulder.

"And even without saying it, you really remind me everyday that we're not alone, and you tell me that just by being our kind, sweet Nattsun. I'm not sure how good I am at expressing it, but I feel much, much better now, especially with you here with me, ya know."

"No matter how you convey it, you know I'll believe you, and I do."

Warmth seeping through his kind voice, Natsuki squeezed Reiji's hand and gave him a half-hug.

"Say, Rei-Rei... I know you've been thinking of cards and flowers, so..."

Natsuki smiled encouragingly as he picked up the card that had fallen onto the bed.

"Would you like for us to create a happier memory with them? Maybe with those magic tricks you've always liked to do?"

"You just came up with a brilliant idea, Nattsun!"

Lighting up immediately, Reiji beamed brightly and reached up to tousle Natsuki's fluffy blond hair.

"Card tricks are right up my alley! I may not be able to conjure up magic like Myu-chan does, but card tricks are definitely a kind of magic I can do." Reiji winked playfully and gave Natsuki a thumbs-up sign. "With the Reiji Kotobuki twist and turn, of course!"

So for the rest of the night, over mugs of hazelnut milk tea, the two of them assuaged each other's painful thoughts and memories as they spent irreplaceable time in each other's warm company, with Reiji showing Natsuki a number of card tricks that he had practised and mastered over the years of playing with cards. Reiji found it extremely adorable when an innocent Natsuki tried to flick the card like Reiji has shown him, only for the card to end up flying up into the air. And he could not help but laugh when Natsuki smiled and remarked, "I don't think it was the trick, but... the card looks a bit like the birdies, right?" without even realizing how precious he was being. 

_I don't want to be forgotten by any of you._ The thought appeared inside his head like a magic spell of cards with hidden messages. _Just like how I don't want to ever forget any of you._

As though it were touched by a gentle finger, however, the fearful thought silently melted away like an illusion changing into colours and warmth as he and Natsuki toppled down onto the bed and laughed together with their arms wrapped around each other in a tight hug, their voices resonating into the tranquil night.

_And neither of them will ever happen. I'm not believing in an illusion that will be lifted or a trick that is waiting to be exposed. I believe in all of you, in us, and... none of it is ever or will ever be a lie._

Ai Mikaze

"Say, Ranmaru-san, Ai-san... being famous can be really hard, right?"

"Why are you asking that out of the blue?" Ranmaru questioned, furrowing his eyebrows. "I mean, you ain't wrong, but knowing you, something must have happened for that kind of thought to show up."

"Eli and I got into a situation at the academy," Yuuto explained, holding his glass of vanilla milkshake. "I know we didn't tell you guys, but..." he hesitated for a moment, "we got ambushed by our schoolmates at the academy the other day."

"What?"

Ranmaru uttered, his voice low with anger, as Ai narrowed his eyes. The three of them were currently at an ice-cream parlour near Saotome Gakuen, sitting in a corner booth so that they could have their privacy. Natsuki, Camus, Eli and Reiji were all on the way there, with the latter driving them there, and the three of them had been chatting casually about a number of topics, including how they had been and their respective projects, when Yuuto brought up this unusual subject. Being an assigned mentee to Ranmaru, who had gladly welcomed him, Yuuto was definitely aware of the silver-haired bassist's short temper, meaning that he had most likely expected - and dreaded - this particular reaction. Letting out a quiet sigh, Yuuto glanced back and forth between Ranmaru and Ai before continuing.

"Some of the students have been talking about how the two of us know you guys and the rest of QUARTET NIGHT personally," he explained softly. "A group cornered us in the courtyard and tried pressuring us to tell them more and give you our contacts. When we didn't, one of the larger boys grabbed Eli and threw him down onto the ground, the group calling him names as he held him there."

"Looks like even the old man's academy's got its share of dimwits," Ranmaru muttered, his teeth gritted with sheer fury, his fingers curling around his cup of dark chocolate ice-cream. "Un-freaking-believable."

"What names did they call you and Eli, Yuuto?" Ai asked gently, concerned for the two boys.

"They called us 'privileged'," Yuuto added, looking down at the table, "and... not in a good way, we could tell. I really mean it when I say that we're really, really lucky to have the five of you as friends and look up to you a whole lot, but the way they said it really got to us. What they were really saying was that we do not work nearly as hard as they do to get to where we are. That we shouldn't even be there, don't belong there, when Eli and I worked day and night to be the best we can be. Eli and I stood up for each other, but it just made them even madder, until Hyuga-san stopped them from continuing unless they wanted to be suspended."

"You and Eli were right to defend yourselves," Ai noted, nodding briefly as a small smile reached his lips. "Those harassers could not have been more incorrect to use their definition of 'privileged' to pinpoint you in such a manner."

"And you two did _not_ deserve to be cornered like that," Ranmaru added, shaking his head as he reached forward and ruffled Yuuto's black hair. "So that's where the question about being famous came, huh? I guess I should have known. It's kinda like the fact that we're well known to outsiders ended up being passed on to you two by association, whether we like it or not. It's not an unusual thing in this kind of industry, in any kind of business involving the celebrity status."

"Eli and I thought so too," Yuuto admitted, taking a small sip of his milkshake. "When we got back to our dorm, we talked about it. Our case was one thing, but then we thought about all five of you, about what it must be like to be QUARTET NIGHT, renowned idols. There are people who say that you have everything when you're famous, but both of us think that... it can't be easy having people follow you around, stalking even, the moment they recognize you, right? Which is why celebrities like you guys need to be really careful while choosing where to go and have disguises on when going to crowded places". He faced both Ai and Ranmaru with worry streaking across his face. "While it's a part of the responsibilities of an idol, it's painful, isn't it?"

Ai was somewhat surprised by how perceptive Yuuto, as well as Eli, was despite his young age and his lack of experience in the idol business. He was certain that there would come a point in time when the quintet would need to brief Eli and Yuuto on the responsibilities of being idols, but he had not expected either of them to be this knowledgeable and think of the occupation with this level of understanding already. Ranmaru's eyes were widened, the rocker clearly as surprised as Ai was, and the latter took it upon himself to answer Yuuto's question.

"As much as it is part of our obligations as idols and celebrities, it is undeniably a rather painful aspect of having those particular statuses." Ai rested his cheek on his palm, musing thoughtfully. "I believe that while numerous people wish to be celebrities, they either forget or overlook how there are also many celebrities who wish to return to being ordinary people. Being celebrities is not nearly as glamorous or prestigious as the majority of society claims for it to be. People have a tendency to either forget or disregard how difficult it is to gain such statuses and maintain them, how much effort is required to acquire success and prevail against competition in order to be acknowledged and respected. The setbacks tend to not be thought through until those people are in a position in which they are grappling against those difficulties."

"The five of us have been stalked, for one," Ranmaru remarked, crossing his arms, "whether online or in real life." He grinned reassuringly when worry flashed across Yuuto's face. "Though, thank God this group is full of people with sharp eyes. And even when it comes to taking walks or going to cafes, we need to be real selective of the place and time." He gestured around the ice-cream parlour. "Like here for example. It's a spot mainly frequented by the academy students and Shining's got his share of security here."

"This occupation can also be draining to one's mentality," Ai continued, taking a small spoon of his lavender ice-cream. "As a celebrity, your moves are carefully scrutinized by the public eye. With each sighting of you in any area, each social media posting, each performance, countless people, especially anonymous ones, give their own commentary as the news spread in both social media and real life. And it can severely affect a person's mental health, with there being instances of depression, disorders-"

"Suicide."

Yuuto's voice was a small whisper, his eyes tight with an old pain. Ai felt a pang of agony pierce through his heart like glass as Ranmaru's heterochromatic eyes tightened with unspoken hurt, the memories of the bouquets of alstroemeria flowers left on the balcony of a particular school flowing through his head silently. 

"There's suicide too."

"Yuu-" Ranmaru began.

"But I know that Eli and I will make it."

Yuuto's lips curved into a small but sincere smile that glistened in his sapphire eyes.

"Just like all of you. For her and for us. Just like all of you taught me."

"You know, when Natsuki and I decided to be Eli's and your direct mentors, I thought that you two were walking into this near blind."

Heaving out a sigh, Ranmaru clasped a hand on top of Yuuto's head and smiled lightly.

"Looks like we ain't got nothin' to worry about. You two are gonna rockin' shine, for yourselves, for her, for everyone you love and care about. So keep going and burn 'em with your passion and emotion, you got that? 'Privileged'... You bet we'll be right there smiling when you two slam it back to their faces."

Nodding with sincere brightness, Yuuto held out his fist and exchanging small smiles, Ranmaru and Ai held out theirs and shared a three-way bro fist. At that moment, the glass double doors swung open, letting in Eli, Natsuki, Reiji and Camus. Yuuto waved and Reiji mouthed that the four of them would get their orders first, winking, causing Ranmaru to facepalm and Ai to sigh quietly. Ai smiled in amusement as Yuuto laughed and Ranmaru smacked a hand against his forehead and slid it down when an attendant served an excessively tall parfait onto the table, undoubtedly for Camus and his sweet tooth.

"You... How much did you have to _pay_ for this mountain of sugar?"

"It looks really pretty, Camus-san."

"Yuu, kid, don't encourage the sugar addict!"

"Actually, Maru-chan, Myu-chan and I are going to share. He wanted me to try it."

"Okay, for once he's cutting down on his intake of- Wait, he roped you into this, Natsuki?"

Everyone laughed as the seven of them sat at the booth table, with Ranmaru shaking a chuckling Natsuki on the shoulders. "Ai, you calculate calorie intakes, right? So please tell kiddo how bad of an idea this is!" Camus' face twisted in disgust when a cheeky Reiji held out a spoonful of matcha ice-cream and offered for the blond to take a bite, and it was not long until the entire table was engulfed into colourful chaos - a bizarre but daily speciality. However, the topic that Ranmaru, Yuuto and Ai had been discussing prior to everyone else's arrival was not forgotten in the back of the latter's mind as Eli began distributing the cards for everyone to play Uno.

_"... they either forget or overlook..."_

_Forget..._

As simple as the word itself was on the surface, to "forget" could be sincerely melancholic. Whether one was wishing to forget or be forgotten, whether one was being forgotten or was forgetting... everyone, including the members of the quintet, had been deeply wounded by the act of forgetting, with silent memories of such occurrences lingering inside their hearts and minds without needing to be spoken of in order to be recalled, much akin to a cold, white fog that could surface and suffocate as it wished, like a magic spell that blinded everything else away. "Forget" was the theme that the five of them had agreed upon for the new story arc of their main project. While Reiji was in charge of the prologue, which he had finished writing, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru were to write one intermediary piece each, and Natsuki was to write the epilogue. And in order for Natsuki to write the epilogue, he needed all the intermediary pieces and the prologue so that he could refer to them and connect everything together, which was why the three of them needed to start as soon as Reiji was done. However, while the five of them had agreed upon the theme together, no one from the quintet had expected Reiji's prologue to be the way it was when they had first read it.

_The word "forget" is, in a strange but painful way, a taboo when it comes to our group. Natsuki's suppressed trauma and repressed memories, Aine being coerced to forget everyone including Reiji as the price of his sacrifice, amongst countless other times... which include mistakes amongst our group itself._

Reiji had not said much when he held out the prologue for Ai, Camus and Ranmaru to read a few mornings ago, with Natsuki having read it the night before. Sitting in the living room, that bright spring morning, pure sadness and painful understanding had lingered in the atmosphere as Reiji smiled sorrowfully and confessed that writing out his feelings for his character to convey had made him dive into his memories and emotions much deeper than he had thought he would, like a soul being plunged into cold and dark water. Whispers and mutters of reassurance and comfort had filled the silence when the four of them surrounded Reiji and pulled him into a gentle and earnest group hug, the sleeping memories of what certain members of the group had failed to do in the past evoked by his written words. 

_Of every mistake and shortcoming that have been committed by all of us, one of the most painful mistakes that Camus, Ranmaru and I have made, and not just once or twice, as irreversible and unforgettable as it is... was forgetting you. We forgot to be kind, to be empathetic, to be accepting, to appreciate you._

Guilt pricked Ai's throbbing heart - a heart that he would never have been able to feel if not for Reiji - like shards of bleeding glass as the brunet laughed while protesting at Yuuto, Eli and Natsuki, who had, one after another, piled up cards that Reiji had no choice but to take the equivalent number of. But Ai hid his feelings behind a small smile as Ranmaru propped an elbow over his shoulder and the games proceeded one after another.

_That, in one way or more, made our former selves no different than the ignorant members of society who could only comment and criticize as they please without remembering, let alone understanding, how difficult it is to be the people they are observing. The difference is that they are hurting strangers, while we..._

As much as he attempted to hide his pain, he was also concealing a sad smile in his heart.

_We hurt someone who mattered to us._

Ai remembered how much it had warmed his heart when Reiji told them that he was grateful that when he was writing the prologue, he was not writing it alone in the room, with Natsuki being right next to him and reminding him in his own way that they were together. It was not long after when Ai understood himself how painful it was to write out their emotions in regards to the theme "forget", when he was sitting alone on his bed after all of them had gone home from the ice-cream parlour. Reliving fragments of his guilt, sorrow and pain in that sitting, Ai had ended up texting for Camus and Ranmaru to come to his bedroom so that they could talk, knowing that he could not text Natsuki without Reiji finding out given how they shared a room. Thankfully, despite how terrible he could be at discretion, Ranmaru managed to reach Ai's room without causing any suspicions to arise, shortly followed by Camus, who was as cautious and silent as usual. 

"I think the original plan of who wrote which piece turned out to be really fitting considering what the theme 'forget' means to each and every one of us."

Ranmaru remarked as the three of them sat on Ai's bed in a small circle, facing one another.

"It starts with Reiji, then is continued by the three of us, and then is concluded by Natsuki. We've come a long way from the time when all five of us used to hide our pain from one another, but it's not a bad idea to turn that time that was so painful for Reiji into something real special, that can make that leader of ours smile." His lips slanted into a lopsided grin. "Real sure that our kiddo will be on board right away. If he hasn't thought of it himself, that is."

"Tonight may be one of the only times that the three of us can openly discuss our writings without piquing Reiji's curiosity or causing Natsuki to inadvertently reveal our plan," Camus remarked, placing a hand onto Ai's shoulder, offering a slight smile. "We will inform Natsuki when the time is most appropriate and with our combined efforts, I am absolutely certain that the four of us will be able to surprise Reiji."

His hand squeezed tightly as his ice-blue eyes softened.

"Not because of the shadows, not because of guilt, and definitely not because of what can never be undone. Instead, because he sincerely matters to all four of us and will never be forgotten by this quintet. And this segment of the project... is an earnest dedication to that, to him."

As dissimilar as the three of them were, their smiles reflected the exact same earnestness and warmth as they placed one hand each over one another's in the middle, taking on the role to surprise their cheerful, blithe leader instead of it being the other way around like majority of the time was.

_We will never forget you._

Ai smiled softly as Camus took out a box of playing cards and Ranmaru took out sheets of paper from the drawer of the study desk, his laptop settled on his lap, his heart pulsating slowly and surely.

_Not again. Not ever._

Natsuki Shinomiya

_Just like how we sometimes forget that a glow exists when we see pitch darkness, we also forget that there is darkness even when everything looks so incandescent and brilliant. Millions of stars glow in the night sky like an ocean of floating lanterns, but like everything that has form, they, too, no matter how many and how bright they are, have shadows too. Where there is colour, there is also a monochrome memory. Where a glow rises, darkness falls. Like the rising moon and falling star, the gentle lullaby of a broken heart, the hollow serenade of a bright night... Just like how we cannot ever forget warmth, we cannot forget what the cold feels like either._

Holding out the back of his hand to the lone bird perched on the tree branch, Natsuki listened as the leaves rustled faintly in the cold breeze, a tremble in the silence, an unspoken understanding slipping into his own beating heart.

_We are moved so much by the cadence of a nightingale's melody that we do not notice that it was singing a song of loneliness... and sadness too._

This was not the first time that Natsuki had been to this particular venue. The first time had been during a celebration held by Shining Saotome as his way of congratulating STARISH for winning the Utapri Award over HEAVENS. On that day a couple of years ago, after conversing with a number of people, Natsuki had quietly slipped from the party to wander around the venue's garden area, a small but beautiful place with the peaceful silence that he had not known he needed. And now, during his second time in this exact venue, he and Camus had been chosen to represent QUARTET NIGHT in a grand ball with countless celebrities and potential clients and performed a few classical pieces and ballads with their viola and cello. The two of them had been separated to converse with various guests and after a couple of hours of being a part of the voluminous crowd filled with ballroom dancing and drinking, Natsuki was standing by the open window when a small brown nightingale tapped on the glass, asking if they could talk. 

The nightingale was one of the birdies that had accompanied Natsuki the first night in this immense venue, whom he had befriended and gotten to know as they wandered around the garden and ended up in the small but beautiful pavilion. Now, Natsuki let out a quiet breath as the small, precious birdie fluttered from the branch and landed onto the back of his hand, the crescent moon and countless white stars illumining the late night, the music from the ballroom muffled and seemingly distorted from where they were. The lampposts glowed with a warm golden radiance as he sat underneath the tree on the soft verdant grass and listened to his birdie friend's soft chirps, the sapphire moonlight falling upon them like the cadence that the nightingale had sung for him as well as all the previous and lonely nights.

"So no matter how many times you sang... one by one, your friends left with their new partners and you ended up alone, right?"

Natsuki's lips curved into a painful smile as he allowed his index finger to gently stroke the top of the innocent hummingbird's head, his voice a soft whisper.

"I'm so sorry, little birdie... I know how lonely and painful it feels to be alone too and so... I know how much it hurts to keep wishing that the partner you're looking for can finally reach you and your heart, as the empty nights pass by one after another, disappearing like the moon and stars." His expression softened as the birdie chirped quietly. "But I'll wish with you. I wish the same for you, that you will reach and be reached, with your warm and emotional serenade that lingers into every night you sing, including tonight. I don't know when your partner will come, but..."

He smiled softly as the nightingale gazed at him wide-eyed.

"With a bright heart like yours, she will."

Over the years of being close friends with animals, Natsuki had learnt about nightingales and the reason those precious birdies sang at night. Male nightingales, including his friend, sang at night to search for mates - partners - and after they had found their respective partners, they would no longer make a sound at night and instead, proceed to sing when the sun had risen into the morning sky. As much as the nightingale's melody was a beautiful and dear serenade, it was also a song filled with warm tears from a wish to not be alone, to be able to soar in the deep blue with someone that it could love and look out for, to protect and be protected. It was a song so bright that those who listened or came across it did not notice its underlying sadness and unfulfilled wishes.

 _Bright sadness and sad brightness..._ Natsuki's heart twisted in pure sadness as memories welled up inside his head like flower petals illuminated by the warm lamplight. _Your story reminds me so much of someone I love and care about with all my heart._

A couple of melodies resonated inside his head like silent colours as the nightingale hovered into the air and chirped that Natsuki needed to return to the ball, to which he nodded with a gentle smile as he neatened his shirt and black suit jacket.

_Another person whose brightness is so beautiful that people forget his sadness..._

"So this is where you have wandered off to, Natsuki."

Natsuki's eyes widened as Camus approached him with even, elegant footsteps, the older blond's arms folded over his classic suit. "Myu-chan. Were you looking for me?"

"It was not solely myself," Camus answered, shaking his head as he stood directly in front of Natsuki. "There was a group of idols that came over and asked if I knew of your whereabouts. They did not wish to divulge their intentions, but it was easy to surmise that those peasants wanted to convince you to work as their composer and arranger. Much akin to a number of other shameless groups that have wanted an audience with you tonight." He scoffed, although it was not directed at Natsuki. "Like I have done with every other group that has attempted this ridiculous charade tonight, I rebuffed them in your place."

After he and Camus had finished their performances, Natsuki had been surrounded by several idol groups, who requested for him to either join their groups or work as their composer, even though all of them knew that he was already a member of QUARTET NIGHT. Natsuki had declined all of the requests with a slight smile, telling them that he would always be in QUARTET NIGHT and compose only for them, with Camus fluidly cutting the conversation off mid-sentence during the times he "was passing by", as he had stated with a smile that did not reach his ice-blue eyes. There were a few idols who ended up slipping in subtle insults when he turned down their offers and while Natsuki walked away, his heart had squeezed in his chest even when Camus' hand rested on his back. 

Giving Camus an apologetic smile, Natsuki fixed the collar of his shirt and nodded. "Thank you, Myu-chan. I'm sorry I took too long here." Glancing at the nightingale peering at both him and Camus, Natsuki felt his eyes soften as he began walking. "I'll head back-"

"There is no need to apologize."

Camus interrupted him by placing a firm hand onto his shoulder, his voice a deep baritone.

"Considering how you have had to handle incessant fools throwing themselves onto you from the moment we entered, I am, in actuality, quite impressed with how you stayed for such an extensive period of time without even the shortest break. I had intended to join you, but decided to entertain at least a couple more potential clients in order to not attract any form of suspicion."

His lips quirked into a slight smile, his features softened.

"So shall we venture deeper?" He looked up at the nightingale that had been watching the two of them. "As long as your bird friend does not sit on top of my head, I am fine with him coming along. I could also use some respite from the stifling miasma of ignorant peasants."

Astonished, Natsuki could not help but widen his eyes a little, but his expression soon softened into a warm smile and he reached out and intertwined his fingers with Camus, nodding slightly. "I'd really love to, Myu-chan." Smiling, Camus gestured for him to lead the way and the nightingale chirped, landing onto Natsuki's shoulder as the two close friends strolled away from the lively ballroom and deeper into the garden. 

The night continued to remain bright with the moon and stars as the ballroom glowed a scintillating golden, the silver lights spread vastly across the midnight blue. White moon flowers, purple and pink four o'clock flowers and yellow evening primroses glowed amidst the darkness like a myriad of small lights gathering to keep the sleeping animals company. It was one of the reasons why he loved the garden here, as well as why he had lost track of time when he sat in the pavilion with the animals the first time he came. Chatting softly, Camus and Natsuki stopped when they reached a silver bench by a small pond basked in blue moonlight. They sat beside each other as the nightingale flew up to the nearest tree and perched itself onto a sturdy branch, the deep olive leaves rustling under the unmoving crescent moon.

"Ai's prediction could not have been more correct."

Camus chuckled deeply as Natsuki's head tilted to one side in curiosity.

"You were extremely popular at the ball. Numerous people sought to have an audience with you, having heard a word or more about how brilliant of a star you have become, both as an idol and a composer." His lips quirked into a teasing smirk. "I must say that I almost feel rather guilty towards the immense number of crestfallen faces you caused with each offer you declined."

Natsuki felt his cheeks swell with blood. "Myu-chan, I-"

"However, I did listen to your responses during the instances I was within earshot, and you always mentioned us, QUARTET NIGHT, and conveyed your loyalty to us. And witnessing it was wholeheartedly gratifying."

Curling his fingers tighter around Natsuki's shoulder, Camus looked Natsuki in the eye and smiled sincerely.

"We would most certainly not have it any other way. I am absolutely certain that Reiji, Ranmaru and Ai would be truly proud of you as well when I tell them how this ball went. I know for a fact that Reiji would be besieging us with multifarious questions the moment we step into our apartment, and I am more than inclined to tell him every detail of those moments."

Natsuki smiled softly as he placed a hand over Camus' on his shoulder. "I had to be honest, Myu-chan, and that was and will always be the truth. No matter what those idols or clients offer, it won't change the fact that I love and care about you guys the most."

Camus nodded with a tender smile. Squeezing Camus' hand gently, Natsuki gazed at the shimmering pond and his smile softened with emotion.

"The ballroom is beautiful, but I'm sure Rei-Rei, Ai-chan and Maru-chan would have loved to look around this garden too. Especially with the moon and stars shining up in the night sky like this."

"Do believe me when I say that they would have come along if they could."

Camus relinquished a quiet breath into the night, his voice gentler than usual.

"We know that this venue overlaps with a time when you were not completely smiling with your heart: the night you and your former band members won the Utapri Award upon defeating HEAVENS."

Natsuki's eyes widened slightly as his heart thumped. "You guys remember?"

"When you had yet to return home from a photo shoot, the four of us had a chat about tonight's event," Camus remarked, adjusting the cuff of his shirt sleeve. "We remembered this venue and knew that what occurred here was not an entirely pleasant memory despite the festivities. Reiji, Ai and Ranmaru told me that even though they were not invited to the ball, they wanted me to give you a night that would bring an earnest warmth to your soul - the warmth that your previous experience was devoid of - on behalf of all of us." His ice-blue eyes glimmered under the blue moonlight as he gave Natsuki a sincere smile. "'An unforgettable memory' was the phrase that Ai mentioned."

"Unforgettable..."

Natsuki repeated the word quietly, a soundless but bright warmth glowing inside his heart.

"Warm memories such as the one we are sharing right now are what makes the word 'unforgettable' so beautiful and precious. Honestly, it means so, so much that all of you wanted tonight to be a warm one, and that alone already makes me so happy." Natsuki scooted closer to Camus and wrapped his arms around him in a bear hug as he smiled brightly. "Just like you being here makes me happy."

The nightingale sang a happy tune and Natsuki chuckled softly.

"The little birdie is happy too, because he's here with us."

Camus sighed with a fond smile as he wrapped an arm around Natsuki and allowed him to lean closer. "Your love for hugs has truly become infectious. I used to either stiffen or pull away, but now I cannot help but return it and stay this way. What have you made of me, Shinomiya Natsuki?" 

"But you changed parts of me too, Myu-chan," Natsuki responded with a soft laugh, leaning his head onto Camus' shoulder. "Like how nervous I would be in all the balls that we attended if you did not teach me to remain calm and tell me to just be my natural self. And to always remember that no matter how terrified I may be onstage, I am never alone. About your love for hugs, Myu-chan, we all know that even though it was awkward at first, a part of you did truly love hugs, especially from the people you love."

Camus laughed as he shook his head. "And there comes your vivid perception that I can never conceal my true feelings from. Would it be safe to presume that you are slowly becoming dangerous?"

"E-Ehh? Dangerous? No, Myu-chan, I-"

"That was merely jest." Camus chuckled as he tightened his arm around Natsuki. "How could you ever be dangerous when we know for a fact that you would never hurt any single one of us?"

"I know that you are the same too," Natsuki told him, tilting his head up to smile warmly at Camus. "You, Maru-chan, Rei-Rei, Ai-chan and me... We love one another too much to ever want to hurt one another, and we all know that."

"As dissimilar as the five of us are, that is one fact that I cannot, by any means, deny."

"Yep."

Natsuki slowly sat up on the bench, one arm remaining wrapped gently around Camus, as deep thoughts sank inside his head like warm fairy lights into serene water. That was when the nightingale's serenade and his earlier memories resonated back like a gentle yet moving falsetto that had been waiting to not only be heard, but felt. Somehow, at that very moment, the brown nightingale chirped a soft goodnight and "thank you" to Natsuki and Camus, fluttering down from the tree towards the two of them. The birdie nuzzled its head gently against Natsuki's cheek, who smiled softly and stroked the top of its head, and landed onto the top of Camus' head, who sighed with a slight smile. 

"Why do your animal companions love to perch themselves on top of my head of all places?"

"I think it may be because your head is soft like a warm and cozy nest, Myu-chan."

"That is extremely unconvincing considering how soft your hair is."

"Bye, little birdie!" Natsuki waved with a warm smile as the nightingale soared into the deep blue sky, its brown wings illumined in the bright moonlight, slowly turning smaller and smaller as he and Camus watched it disappear. "I don't know when we'll see you again, but we'll welcome you with open arms when we do. And maybe you'll be able to meet our other friends too!"

The birdie chirped happily in response and Natsuki smiled brightly as Camus patted Natsuki on the back with a faint smile. When the nightingale could no longer be seen, Natsuki let out a quiet exhale and smiled softly.

"He looks so much happier than when he first approached me by the window," Natsuki commented softly. "He was really sad about being alone even as he sang a warm serenade into the night."

"I do recall that particular information regarding nightingales," Camus mused, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "Male nightingales mainly sing during the night if they are in search of a partner, correct? Meaning that your friend has yet to find his female partner." He looked directly at Natsuki. "You mentioned that he approached you by the window and not the other way around. You took a break from the ball because you wished to help that bird, am I correct?"

"Yep," Natsuki replied, nodding once. "I would have stayed at least a while longer if that little birdie did not come to me then. He told me his story and... his story reminded me all over again how even the brightest and most beautiful of songs, whether they are ballads or serenades, can also be filled with so much sadness and loneliness, just like his serenade that he sings every night as he wishes to find someone who can stay by his side no matter what."

Natsuki paused for a moment, a sad smile quietly tinging his lips.

"The more I think about it... it reminds me so, so much of our best friend... Rei-Rei."

Mild surprise crossed Camus' face like a fleeting light that disappeared nearly as soon as it came. Gazing at the night sky glistening over the lake bathed in clear water and blue moonlight, he folded his arms and spoke with a quieter voice.

"Given your way of describing the two of them, I must concede that Reiji and the nightingale are uncannily similar in this particular aspect."

Grim thoughtfulness filled his ice-blue eyes as a small frown creased his features.

"As brilliant and idiosyncratic as his bright personality is, that scintillating brightness diverts most individuals' attention away from the fact that even his light has its painful share of harrowing shadows, regardless if he means for his pain to be unnoticed or not. Brightness captivates and draws us closer like moths to a flame in the dark, but it can also blind us from what we should have been able to notice and perceive, especially when it is directly before our very eyes. As sorrowful and cruel as it seems and is..."

Camus heaved out a painful sigh that dissolved into the darkness of the night.

"... that is precisely how countless people have taken Reiji for granted, to the point that slowly, he proceeded to fall and bury himself deeper and deeper into his shadows while disguising his pain with his brightness. I was no exception, even if formerly."

"All of us make mistakes, Myu-chan, but that doesn't make us love one another any less."

Natsuki smiled reassuringly as he squeezed Camus on the shoulder.

"That includes Rei-Rei too. His dark thoughts still come and go at times, but..." Natsuki felt his heart beat with warm and painful emotions, "now he knows that he's loved. He really does."

"Even while he loves others, he, all too often, forgets that he deserves love as well."

Letting out a soft exhale, Camus let his face relax into a gentle smile as he faced Natsuki again.

"However, he has all of us to remind him that he does, and that will be unchanged."

Natsuki nodded with an earnest smile as he hugged Camus again, which the latter returned. Even though they could not glow in the dark, baby blue and white forget-me-not flowers, indigo irises, pink alliums and countless other flowers shone in the moonlight as though they were radiating their own glow in the night, just like how the five of them glowed brightest when they and their lights were together. Camus stole a glance over his shoulder, most likely to ensure that it was only the two of them, before speaking again in a half-murmur.

"I am very much aware that the five of us listened to the third violin piece the previous night, and while the aftermath was clearly less excruciating than those of 'Bleeding Strings' and 'Eclipsed Crescendo', I sense an evident peculiarity in regards to this piece, as though we are lacking an understanding towards it."

Camus looked deeply into Natsuki's eyes, his expression concerned.

"Even if it is minor, if there is anything that is perturbing you, I would be more than glad to listen."

"I've been thinking about the violin piece too," Natsuki admitted softly, nodding in understanding. "While 'Eclipsed Crescendo' was about brightness being hidden in shadows, I feel that this piece, 'Shadow of Stars', is the opposite, as it seems to be about stars' brightness hiding shadows and darkness, which are left forgotten, whether its owner means to hide those emotions or not. And in that sense, it really matches the theme 'forget', which we chose for our new story arc." He reached down and picked a small white moon flower and his heart ached a little. "I know that I am the one who composed the song, but unlike 'Bleeding Strings' which we rearranged into a QUARTET NIGHT group song with our own lyrics..."

The pale white of the moon was refracted by the tranquil waters as Camus looked at him with a curious expression that did not conceal underlying worry. While the image painted across the surface of the water could never be broken, it could never be still or perfect, either.

"While I'm not sure about it yet... it feels like I may not be the one... who is meant to sing this song."

Ai Mikaze

_"As I watched him sit by the lake, I did not realize that I was pushing him into the water. As I noticed him hiding behind a smile, I did not realize that I was letting him be engulfed in layers and layers of illusion. As I stood by while he gazed up at sky, I did not realize that I was withholding from him a chance for him to have hope, be a little happier in a heart that was forcing itself to look okay when it was crying. If I had even a little... he would not have disappeared into himself as much as he had. You can say that I am not responsible for him, that I am not to be blamed if he does anything to himself, but... that's only an excuse that has been used over and over again by bystanders, by people who see and observe without reaching out a little, even once."_

Ai quietly reread his draft for his intermediary writing as the magician on the screen shuffled the cards, the sounds of paper against paper vaguely reminding him of how a bored, unfeeling puppeteer tossed his puppets away one by one like he had no form of association with them all, with all of them forgotten within mere moments.

_"We were the ones who made him disappear one flicker at a time. The lilt of his voice, the calm of his heartbeat, the sun in his eyes, the fire in his strength... all of it. You and me... We did this to him, with what we did not do."_

"From that alone, it's obvious that his technique is sloppy."

Ranmaru frowned deeply, his voice heavy with distaste.

"Eli and Yuu were right to recommend this movie in regards to what _not_ to do when doing magic tricks or playing card games. The guy doesn't look like he's even into it."

"The summary did mention that he had lost his passion for cards and magic," Ai stated, switching off his tablet from which he had been rereading his draft, having watched that part of the movie online before. "As displayed by the scene, his passion and technique are directly associated with each other, for the less his passion is, the weaker his technique becomes."

He gave Ranmaru a small smile.

"Based on what I have seen, this is a promising reference for our project, with its contrast to what a bright magician would be."

Ranmaru nodded with a slight grin as he leaned back, crossing his arms behind his head. It was a cold spring morning. While Reiji, Natsuki and Camus had gone out to walk Alexander around the neighbourhood, Ai and Ranmaru had decided to stay behind and spend time together in the latter's bedroom, watching a fantasy-themed movie that Yuuto and Eli had recommended to the group. Ai sipped his lavender tea and Ranmaru drank his black coffee as they sat on the bed together, their backs inclined against the pillows, the movie playing on the laptop as an eerie melody played in the background. 

"The thing that makes this hard to watch the most is not that he isn't doing it right."

Ranmaru remarked in a half-mutter as the young magician attempted to pull something out of his top hat, only for his hand to remain empty.

"It's that there ain't any soul and spirit in what he's doing. There's hardly any light in his eyes."

"He is giving up," Ai uttered softly.

"Because everyone he thought cared about him had thrown him under the bus and left him in the dirt. Even so, he shouldn't be."

"Yeah, that is true."

Ai lowered his eyes as the main character buried his face into his hands and hid a sob, his heart wrenching a little in his chest despite already watching this part.

"I hope that someone helps him realize that he is not alone in both the dark and the light... that he does not have to be."

"Say, speaking of that... about your writing for the story arc... I've got somethin' to say."

Slinging an arm around Ai, Ranmaru gave him a smile that was gentler than his usual smiles, his heterochromatic eyes filled with emotion as he paused the movie.

"You got nothing to change 'bout it, 'cause it's already beautiful and painful as it is. And I do really hope that you know that no one blames you for anything that's been said and done. Reiji and Natsuki included. You know that, right?"

"I know." Ai's voice was quieter than he meant for it to be, a small smile forming on his lips. "You can say that writing that particular piece was more sorrowful than I expected it to be, but I sincerely know and believe it."

"That's good to know." Ranmaru grinned a little more, shifting his position as he kept his arm wrapped around Ai. "But I ain't quite done talking about this writing, especially since I won't be able to ask about it if the four of us are keeping this as a surprise for Reiji." Ai nodded and Ranmaru continued. "'Realize'... I know we agreed on the words that the two of us would use, but if ya think about it... it has quite the amount of depth, doesn't it? Including with the way you used it." His smile turned teasing. "And before you say it, I know your way of thinking is real analytical and complicated, but I ain't goin' anywhere."

"'Analytical' and 'complicated' are not synonymous to 'incomprehensible', if that is what you are implying." Ai smiled amusedly as Ranmaru guffawed. "However, I will answer your question, even if you make fun of me for it later." He let out a quiet exhale as Ranmaru calmed down, his heart pulsating louder inside his chest. "'Realize' is closely associated with the term 'forget.' When you forget something, there are times when it is about forgetting to understand what you are seeing before your eyes. You are aware of your surroundings,but you do not remember to give it as much thought as you can and should. Because you merely observe without thinking, you do not realize the depths behind simple yet meaningful gestures. It is exactly the same as not seeing something when it is directly in front of you."

"Like a magic trick." Ranmaru hummed in understanding. "You are so focused on one thing that what you should have noticed is gone before ya know it."

"Precisely."

Ai spoke softly, a few thoughts passing through his head and disappearing into darkness, like a magician's blinding illusions.

"And I thought of how much brighter everyone would be... if we understood at least a little more what it meant to never forget what matters the most. If I did."

Placing a hand over the left side of his chest, Ai felt his heart writhe a little, filled with an unspoken sorrow.

"You would not be wrong to say that Reiji's prologue made me contemplate my own mistakes, even if not repeated. But..." He smiled sincerely. "But I do not blame myself. Not anymore, at least. And with this writing, I hope that the people who read it truly understand what I am attempting to convey... and turn away from making the mistakes I made."

"Realizations gotta come from the heart."

Ranmaru reached up and patted Ai on the head with a genuine grin.

"I can tell that yours does, and that's what matters, got it?"

Ai nodded, his heart veiled in pure warmth, and Ranmaru played the movie again. While Ranmaru was the louder one of the two, slipping in remarks at certain intervals, Ai quietly took note of the timestamps of certain scenes that appeared inspiring enough to show Camus, Reiji and Natsuki for them to come up with ideas for the group's project, all while the warmth of their drinks gradually dissipated. Ai used to be unable to comprehend how watching movies with the accompaniment of another individual enhanced the experience, but watching this movie with Ranmaru, he could not help but relax a little more, knowing that they were sharing a memory - a casual but precious memory. 

It was halfway into the movie when the entrance door was unlocked and opened, signalling everyone else's return. Smiling faintly, Ai paused the movie and the two of them got up to see their best friends, with him being curious as to how the walk went. When they left the bedroom and turned to the entrance door, however, they immediately realized that Camus, Natsuki, Reiji and Alexander were not the only ones who had entered the premise.

"Ren?"

Ranmaru raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What are you doing here?"

"That is precisely what we would like to know as well." Camus was the one to speak up, his calm ice-blue eyes frowning as they remained fixed on Ren, who nodded at Ai and Ranmaru and removed his coat. "Jinguji called out to us just as we entered the lobby. Unlike his usual goading self, it appears that he has come with an issue in hand, given his unsettled expression and body gestures."

"We're all here now," Reiji stated as Alexander scuttled towards the nearest sofa and Natsuki nodded quietly, his grey eyes concerned, "so what happened, Ren-Ren?"

"I thought it would be best for everyone if I told you this in person," Ren began, his voice devoid of its usual lighthearted nonchalance as he took a seat on the nearest armchair, with everyone else joining him in the living room area. Ai took a seat beside Reiji, who draped an arm around his shoulders with a slight smile. "You guys know as much as I do that things did not go or end well during the last STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT meeting."

"You are referring to that atrocious meeting in which Ichinose had the insolence to assault Natsuki, correct?" Camus questioned as Ranmaru narrowed his eyes and Natsuki looked down in pain.

"Bingo." Ren lowered his eyes, nodding once. "And we have not had a meeting to try and patch things up ever since, right? The problem is that the concert is still on and all the tickets have been confirmed to have been sold out within minutes, meaning that the eleven of us need to plan as soon as we can."

"You and the members of STARISH had a meeting," Ai surmised thoughtfully, an ominous feeling sinking into his gut. He narrowed his eyes. "It was not a cordial meeting, was it, Ren?"

"You lot fought, didn't ya?" Ranmaru's tone was hard, his voice leaking with disapproval.

"About you guys," Ren specified, causing Natsuki to slowly shake his head as Ranmaru placed a hand on top of the innocent blond's head. "The eleven of us do not have much time to prepare for the concert, and the last meeting showed that unless one side gives in to the other, there won't be much of anything done. Things only got really heated when... Shorty and Icchi gave their suggestion."

Ren gritted his teeth, disbelief flashing across his blue eyes.

"They said to split the concert into two... and _abandon_ the fact that we are Shining Stars. Because if no one is giving in, the name 'Shining Stars'..." his voice was grating, "might as well not even exist."

_"Withering and falling... No matter how beautifully it blooms..._

_It's as if the classic-rose coloured petals will go on a journey_

_Even a fine played the notes of time_

_I saw with my own eyes the final moments of a flower, and life's cruelty scared me"_

\- "Haruhana", by Ranmaru Kurosaki (Tatsuhisa Suzuki) and Ai Mikaze (Shouta Aoi)


	67. Reveal

Camus

_"Do not look down."_

_"Do not turn back."_

_"Do not look again."_

_Such infamous and dramatic words dipped in shadows and ink, smudging and overlapping across an utter white that was never meant to remain pristine. Following them, however, have done good, to a certain degree. You evade misfortunes and reliving monochromatic memories. You stare up at an endless blue to avoid noticing the empty black abyss that you are afraid of falling into. You search for a crying soul deeper into the forest so that you do not gaze upon the thickening white fog smearing over distorted times that you cannot return to regardless how much the arrows of clockwork turn. You cautiously filter what you see and what you do not, a gesture of selective ignorance, much akin to how a frozen heart observes shadows and scars and turns a blind eye to kindness and warmth._

_"Black, white and grey are the most hollow of colours", you proceed to say. Well... how are you so certain that there is veracity in those words?_

Camus had written, the pen near soundlessly dancing across paper, like a stray feather falling in a night devoid of wings.

_Have you forgotten that even the most colourful of melodies... have faded to the point that they can no longer touch the heart?_

Much like Ai, Camus had decided to take a subtle approach towards exploring the theme in hand through interweaving the third out of five pieces of writings. He was in the middle in regards to the order that had been set, with Reiji and Ai preceding him and Ranmaru and Natsuki following after him. With the person that every member of the quintet was planning to surprise in mind, Camus had sifted through the irreplaceable, unalterable memories that all of them had shared and come up with the idea to focus his attention, and writing, on a particular term that every soul had ties to:

Beginning.

A word that Camus had left the people who would read his work to discover for themselves through piecing the imagery together. A connection of times that he could and would never forget. There were numerous presumptuous people who believed, however, that a person like Camus abandoned his beginnings due to feeling that he were above it, that his beginning was worthless. That success and prestige had clouded his mind and heart like a toxic haze and stolen from him the recollection of what it was like to be in a place where he was devoid of everything and could hardly use his sword and intellect, where he was nothing but a lone child bearing a royal status that his brother from an affair would later claim was not with its rightful owner. However, as monochromatic as his past was, it was not something that he could ever avoid, let alone forget.

_I am not surprised that innumerable peasants view me as pompous, condescending, spiteful and heartless. I am not shocked that a significant amount of those fools gradually developed a common hatred of my very existence. In fact, I expect it and am evidently correct to have done so. However, you could not be more misled if you were to think, let alone believe, that I forgot the place that I can trace myself to, as well as the footsteps that may have disappeared under the piles of white snow but hold a lingering existence in that cold season. I remember even if you assume that I forgot, unveiling you as the ignorant fool between us._

_I remember vividly, even though there are certainly those who have forgotten._

Camus narrowed his eyes coldly as he and the rest of QUARTET NIGHT sat with Alexander and Ren in the living room, silently noting that the atmosphere had dimmed amidst the ominous thoughts and emotions hanging over them like a glowing sun disappearing into ashes.

 _Including the two particular_ dullards _that we are discussing at the moment._

"They. Said. _What_?"

Ranmaru slowly began, clipping each word as his tone rose like a growing wildfire.

"Just because they can't give us the freaking _respect_ that we, without a doubt, deserve as people, they decided to throw the name 'Shining Stars' into the burning furnace? And did they really expect _us_ to give in to _them_? When it's them who just can't accept our kiddo playing the violin again? Are they just freaking joking?"

"Shining Stars" was the name that represented the eleven idols of STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT as a collective whole. Its purpose was to express that even though the two bands under the same agency may be distinct from each other and even cross paths as rivals, they were nevertheless united as a powerful group of friends and allies, connected to each other by mutual respect, understanding and passion as idols and individuals. The tie between the two groups had severed, but that was most certainly not equivalent to that same bond being entirely extinguished like wings falling in flames, unlike what Tokiya and Syo appeared to be claiming, as insolent as they were. It was evident that Natsuki, Reiji and Ai shared the exact same disapproval and incredulousness that Ranmaru and Camus both harboured as emotions flashed across their faces at Ren's words. Letting out a cold scoff, Camus spoke up with an equally-disapproving tone.

"Am I correct to presume that those imprudent statements escalated to an altercation due to you, Ittoki, Aijima and Hijirikawa disagreeing with that blatant ignorance?"

Ren nodded with clenched teeth and that made Camus' eyes narrow even further.

"In that case, how did they not return to their senses, albeit inane ones, if those two peasants had you four on the other side of the fence?" he demanded bluntly. "As much as my faith in Ichinose's judgement has diminished with each confrontation, he should, at the very least, have some consciousness in terms of decency and logic."

"They would not listen." Ren's blue eyes flashed with a mild frustration that was rarely displayed by the calm Casanova. "Especially not to me. The closer we are to you guys, especially to Shinomi, the less they are inclined to hear what we've got to say when you five are the hot topic. I got accused of siding with you guys by Shorty more than Ikki, Cesshi and Hijirikawa did combined in that entire argument. Icchi did not have to use words for me to be able to tell that he feels the same way. One glance in my way and I knew." Natsuki and Reiji lowered their eyes as Ren shook his head with a sardonic smile. "Not that I can be surprised anymore."

The orange-haired male's smile, however, soon faded as pain appeared in his blue eyes.

"But I'd be lying if I said that's all I have got to tell you."

"Not all?"

Ranmaru immediately demanded, his fists shaking with unrestrained rage.

"All the rubbish that we heard was not all?"

"No, Ran-chan, although I really wish it was."

Ren slowly turned to Natsuki, his blue eyes sheened with worry.

"Shinomi, one of the main reasons I'm here is because I need to warn you about this in advance. You remember how the last meeting emphasized on whether or not you are going back to playing the violin, right?" Natsuki nodded with a pained smile as Ranmaru draped an arm across his shoulders protectively and Camus narrowed his eyes, an ominous feeling settling in the latter's gut. Ren smiled weakly. "That was also brought up during our fight just now. Until now, even if we do split the show into two, Shorty believes that only one member of the Shining Stars should play the violin. He said that whether or not you have started again or will in the future, you should not be playing the violin when he is."

"I beg your pardon?" Camus demanded, his voice colder than ice.

"I do not see any logic in this ridiculous perception," Ai stated bluntly, his teal eyes narrowed.

"We're gonna slam this back at his shameless face the next time we see that punk," Ranmaru snapped, his voice sharp with utter threat. "But judging by the look on your face, Ren, he's already found his means of settling this by force, hasn't he?"

"He has," Ren confirmed, nodding with a serious expression as he turned to Natsuki, "because the next time he sees you, Shinomi, whether or not everyone else accept the terms and conditions, he will challenge you to a duel, between only the two of you." He slowly shook his head as Natsuki's eyes widened in agony and Camus' expression turned colder. _I beg your pardon?_ "A violin duel to decide who is the better violinist. He said that he does not care if Shinomi's trauma surfaces or if anything else is triggered because in this situation, Shinomi was nothing more than an enemy that he should not bother to care for. Nothing happens to the winner, but..."

Ren gritted his teeth, pain flashing across his face.

"The loser has to give up the right to play the violin for as long as he is a member of the Shining Stars. He mentioned that his schedule overlaps with yours at the Shining Stars interview tomorrow afternoon, so that is when he will-"

"Absolutely _not_."

Camus cut in sharply, his voice cold with anger.

"Ichinose and Kurusu can be as much of ignorant imbeciles as their absurd minds please, but I am quite certain that every single individual in this room is simply not allowing Natsuki to entertain their shallow whims." He faced Natsuki, his expression softening marginally as he placed a hand on the gentle blond's shoulder. "Natsuki, you are the person of interest and we would like to hear your perspective. But do bear in mind that none of us will coerce you to do anything against your will."

"Knowing you," Ranmaru spoke, his voice significantly quieter than before, "you don't wanna duel him, do you?"

"Syo-chan and the others do not know, but you guys know that I can't play the violin yet even if I wanted or needed to," Natsuki spoke, his soft voice tinged with hurt. "Sacchan said if I tried too soon, I would only end up hurting myself, and I know that it's the last thing all of you want for me." Reiji gave him a painful smile as everyone either nodded or grunted in agreement, with Alexander whimpering softly. "But even if I could play the violin again, I still wouldn't want to duel Syo-chan, not like this, but not because I don't believe in myself, which is something that you guys have taught me."

His hands were clasped together as Natsuki shook his head, his green eyes flooded with silent sorrow.

"But because the right to play an instrument you love is not so valueless that you would give it up over any duel." His voice was soft but resolute, even as the light in his eyes quivered. "Playing the violin does not only come from how our hands move in time with the melody, but how we convey our true feelings and our love for who the melody is for. I don't want either of us to lose the right to play the violin, even if Syo-chan wants me to quit. So even if he tries to force it upon me, even if he hates me more for this..."

Natsuki lowered his eyes, shaking his head as his voice turned quieter.

"I won't and can't play against him."

_"Even if he hates me more for this..."_

Those particular words especially tugged painfully at his heartstrings and Camus nodded in understanding as he placed a hand over Natsuki's joint ones and squeezed tightly. As much as the two had evidently drifted apart as time flew by, Natsuki had never forgotten Syo and the friendship that the two blonds had formerly shared from childhood. Camus was aware that the two had met during their short-lived time in France as children and that they had been friends ever since that moment. As much as they were sheer opposites in nearly every aspect, no one could deny that they had shared irreplaceable memories with each other, even if Syo was not nearly as true of a friend as Natsuki was.

However, it was vividly clear that Syo harboured a venomous hatred towards Natsuki despite the latter never laying a single finger onto him. And as kind and oblivious as Natsuki was, he was aware of it and acknowledged his former friend's true feelings towards him, even as painfully cruel reality was. While Natsuki was in a much warmer and brighter place now, he could never entirely forget the pain that could never be undone, like how even the brightest of flowers could never forget its trauma as a seed that was claustrophobic in the compressed spaces of the dark soil. To feel nothing towards being resented by someone you cared about... was not something that a person as kind as Natsuki was capable of doing, and for reasons that did not need to be spoken aloud, Camus could sincerely empathize. Ranmaru nodded as he patted Natsuki on top of his head and Ren and Ai smiled faintly, a painful but mutual understanding veiling the already-sorrowful atmosphere. Camus turned and frowned as he noticed how quiet Reiji had been ever since this conversation began, whose grey eyes were overshadowed by dark sadness and contemplation.

 _This eerie silence, combined with that particular expression, coming from him..._ Camus' eyes widened slightly, grim caution slipping through the crevices of his heart. _That side of h-_

"So we're settling this today, once and for all."

Reiji's voice was quieter than usual but firm, an underlying seriousness surfacing within those syllables like black ink from under the surface of an ocean. He blinked once and faced Natsuki with an expression that was much kinder and gentler than the dark one that Camus had noticed earlier. Judging from the concern on Natsuki, Ai and Ranmaru's faces, Camus could tell that they had noticed Reiji's shift in mood, even if they had not noticed his initial expression, even as Reiji offered a light smile. "I completely agree with everything that Nattsun has said. Moreover, as much as everyone who is not in this room does not know this, Nattsun still can't play the violin and regardless of whether he can or not, none of us are going to allow anyone to force him to play against his will, no matter who it is."

He turned to Ren, whose blue eyes were slightly perplexed, the younger saxophonist clearly unaccustomed to seeing Reiji like this. "Ren-Ren, what time will all of you be back at Shiny-san's mansion?"

"Our last photo shoot should end before 6, but we will all have dinner together before heading back," Ren answered as calmly as possible, even though he was clearly unnerved.

"Then the five of us will be waiting by the entrance doors by 8," Reiji stated, nodding in acknowledgement with a faint smile that did not conceal the serious expression in his grey eyes. "Ren-Ren, do you think you can get them to come back by the time we arrive, without Tokki and Syo realizing what it going on?"

"I wouldn't expect anything less than a witty lie from him if I were you, Reiji," Ranmaru remarked, facing Ren with narrowed heterochromatic eyes. "'Cause he'll be getting more than an earful from me if he messes this up when he can be sickeningly convincing without so much as batting an eye."

"I know that you are praising me, Ran-chan," Ren remarked, his lips curling into an incessant grin, "but couldn't you be, you know, nicer about it?"

"This is all you're getting, so take it or leave it, you sly Casanova."

"You know you love me, Ran-chan."

"You-"

"Therefore, to conclude this discussion," Ai stated, effectively interrupting Ranmaru, "we will meet you and the rest of STARISH latest at 8 p.m. today at the entrance of Shining-san's mansion. However, if, by any chance, the plan is disrupted, Ren, text any one of us and the five of us will adjust to the circumstances. Or at the very least, warn us if Tokiya or Syo appear to suspect anything."

"Will do, Aimi." Ren smiled lightly and gave Ai a thumbs-up sign.

"Good." Ranmaru nodded, crossing his arms. "Now get out."

"Aww, don't be so cruel, Ran-chan. Especially after I was so kind to give you all this information for free, as your dear friend and ally."

"Can Ren-kun stay for tea?" Natsuki asked, giving Ranmaru a hopeful smile, his green eyes sparkling. "We can even chat and play games together. I'm sure it'll be so much fun!"

"I know you can be a meanie to Ren-Ren, but can you really say no to our precious Nattsun?" Reiji asked teasingly, a wide smile spreading across his face.

"Yeah, can you, Ran-chan?" Ren was smirking.

"I swear-"

"I will be disappointed as well if you deny this request coming from Natsuki," Ai cut in, wearing an expressionless face. "I can understand you denying Ren, but to reject Natsuki..."

"Oi! Ai, not you too! Camus, I can already tell you're gonna add to whatever this is, so _don't_ even start!"

Everyone laughed as Ranmaru looked at Natsuki and heaved out a sigh, the rocker begrudgingly saying, "I guess the flirt can stay for awhile..." before yelping as he was pulled into a tight hug by the gentle blond. However, Ranmaru did chuckle and smile lightly when he let Natsuki pull him by the hand towards the kitchen to brew hot milk tea, while Ai and Ren chatted about their online gaming and Camus followed Reiji, who headed towards his bedroom to grab his box of playing cards. Standing in the doorway as Reiji opened one of the wooden drawers, Camus folded his arms and addressed the older brunet.

"Your shift in emotions startled and concerned everyone during our discussion."

Camus maintained a quiet voice, but knew that Reiji was listening even as he closed the drawer and took Natsuki's fawn plushie from the bed.

"Knowing you, the emotions have not dissipated, have they?"

"Nope," Reiji answered, straightening his body and facing Camus with a light smile. "Of course they haven't. You all know as much as I do that Nattsun doesn't deserve to be hurt like this - never did, never will - and yet they keep going after him even when all he's ever been is our kindest and dearest sweetheart. I can understand why people have the ability to hate, but to be hated when he's always been so kind and pure... I cannot and will never understand that."

Reiji stepped towards Camus and lowered his eyes as he clasped a hand over the blond's shoulder.

"To hate and be hated is too painful as it is, even when the hated one feels that they are deserving of it. So to hate someone who never deserved it... that has got to be one of the heartless things that you could ever do to someone. At least, that's what I feel."

He smiled bleakly as a harrowing sorrow overshadowed his grey eyes.

"Yet he doesn't hate them even a little." His voice was quiet. "And that... makes it all the more painful for him. For us."

Letting out a silent breath, Reiji attempted to walk past Camus, but the latter grabbed the hand that had held his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks as he peered over his shoulder at the brunet. Beginnings were often either forgotten or abandoned by people, but Reiji, without a speck of doubt, never forgot his own. It was not only a matter of his beginnings being too excruciating to forget; he himself, believing that he deserved to live on with the burden of the pain and guilt, would not allow himself to forget. He shouldered not only his own mistakes, but those of the people around him, including those who resented and abandoned him, and he had done it all on his own for much too long, until the point that he hid himself behind layers and layers of shadows and darkness - the facade that he should never have perfected in the first place.

_Unlike innumerable individuals, you do not lack in remembering the past from which you developed into the person you are today. However, on the contrary, you recalled the past, particularly the sorrowful memories, too much and it had hurt you deeply and repeatedly, as though you were plunging yourself into veils and veils of darkness over again in a broken repetition as the empty passenger cars of the multi-coloured Ferris Wheel watched in silence. You were not ignorant or oblivious to what can never be undone, but at the same time, you were cruel to yourself. Heart-wrenchingly, undoubtedly cruel as you tortured yourself in a seemingly endless depression._

_The person to whom you are cruellest to... has always been yourself, Reiji._

Camus barely concealed the grimace that formed at the memory of Reiji crying in his sleep when the five of them were having a sleepover in his and Natsuki's shared bedroom resounded coldly like the howl of a dark night of inner solitude.

_However, through suffering amidst that darkness, from the beginning until now, you grew to be brighter even as you refused to believe it while cloaking yourself in shadows and lies. You... You ended up being one of the most empathetic people I know and will ever know._

"You are not exactly assuaging my concern, but I would be blatantly lying if I said that I did not understand."

Lowering the cold exterior that he normally put up as a front, Camus gave Reiji a tight squeeze on the hand and smiled slightly, his voice a gentle murmur.

"However, hatred is not something that any member of our group indulges in. Even as those peasants hate him simply for being himself, he is and will continue to be his utmost genuine self."

He looked directly into Reiji's eyes, his features softening ever so slightly.

"Exactly like you."

Reiji's eyes dilated, almost like he could not believe that Camus was uttering even a syllable of those words. However, he soon closed his eyes and smiled gently, a wave of tranquility veiling over his face, and that same smile was evident in his eyes when they opened and met Camus' once again. That one smile was a silent gesture, but it was enough to reassure Camus because it was a sincere one, and he knew it was because he had seen too many examples of his facades to tell which was genuine or not. Nodding briefly, Camus proceeded to leave the bedroom as well, shutting the door behind him, and smiled faintly as Reiji sprinted into the kitchen and hugged Natsuki and Ranmaru from behind, causing the former to chuckle and the latter to scream.

_As long as we do not forget ourselves..._

Ren laughed and teased Ranmaru as he peeked into the kitchen and Ai sighed with a half-amused smile.

_The brightness that we need will continue to exist even through tonight._

Ai Mikaze

Shining's mansion was not a place that they had been frequenting often. That was, ever since Natsuki permanently moved in with Reiji. However, there were certain traits of this particular residence that Ai had to admit were rather pleasant to see; perhaps, even timeless.

Arriving 23 minutes earlier than the appointed time, the five of them had decided to take a stroll along the various areas of the mansion that they used to stay in. The beautiful fountain by which he used to sing alone in especially during moonlit nights, the cold air seeping with a deep serenity that he had always appreciated. The lake area and its pavilion and shimmering water amidst a limited but nevertheless beautiful variety of flowers, where Natsuki used to talk with birds, butterflies and other animal friends of his. The narrow windowsills where Ranmaru used to sit on as he closed his eyes in concentration and listened to music while moonlight draped upon his body like a blanket. The spacious courtyard in which Camus used to ride his white horse, a powerful and elegant form even if merely seen as a silhouette. The corridors of windows from which the light of the crescent moon fell upon Reiji who used to gaze out at the Prussian blue expanse with a sad smile hidden behind bright eyes. The shared dormitories, the dining hall, the headmaster's office...

It was a residence made up of numerous places and memories all in one.

"Is there any song in particular that you would like me to play?"

"I've been thinking of one of my favourite piano pieces," Natsuki admitted as he stood by the piano, with Ai slipping onto its bench. "I think it's because of everything that has been happening lately, including with the writings that all of us have been working on." Rubbing the back of his neck, Natsuki smiled gently. "Do you remember 'Light & Shadow', by Philip Wesley?"

"As a matter of fact, I do." Ai nodded immediately. "It is a timeless piece. Ever since you and Reiji introduced me to it, I have not forgotten its melody." He carefully lifted the casing over the black and white keys and smiled gently. "I can play it now if you want."

Natsuki's eyes glistened with innocent brightness. "Thank you, Ai-chan."

"You're welcome, Natsuki."

The grand piano on the spiralling stairwell was normally played by Masato, the only pianist in STARISH, but even when the grand piano was unused, Ai did not usually play the classical instrument, let alone offer to take song requests. However, there was a time and place for everything, and Ai was more than glad to play a song or more for Natsuki, who had been walking around the mansion with him while Reiji and Ranmaru headed for the balcony and Camus visited Shining at his office. Relinquishing a quiet breath, Ai positioned his fingers on the correct keys and tapped gently, recalling the rhythm by heart and memory, the tender sounds of the piano resounding into the night dipped into blue moonlight like the gentle wind. It was a piano piece that Natsuki and Reiji had played for him during one of the myriad times when the three of them were stargazing by the river. It was sincerely the kind of song that did not need words to convey emotions, with a name befitting its message, a melody that brought to his mind how both light and shadows coexisted and their respective emotions intertwined.

 _Sometimes when someone you love and care about tells you more about themselves, you do not feel as though you have learned more about them._ Black and white keys moved with each touch of Ai's fingers, which glided from left to right and right to left across the instrument. _Instead, you feel as though you know less than you formerly believed you did. What you have surmised and perceived to be facts turned out to be purely incorrect. 'Smoking mirrors' is a phrase that is painfully applicable, except that the mirror is yours and the smokescreen... was also created by you._

Even though he had listened to this song countless of times, he could feel the notes released into existence by the piano tugging deeply at the strings of his thrumming heart, his eyes lowered to the falling and rising keys that resembled the emotions sweeping through him like waves.

_It's a feeling that I learned about in this mansion. A feeling that does not comprise of simply one or two words._

"Natsuki, can I ask you a question?" Ai asked softly as his fingers continued to move across the piano.

"Yep," Natsuki's voice was a gentle whisper, "what is it, Ai-chan?"

"I do not mean to bring back any painful memories to mind, but..."

Ai closed his eyes for a moment, the memories seeping along with the melody like the river he had not known existed until he began understanding the melancholy haunting the two people who had introduced to him that feeling:

_Natsuki and Reiji._

"Do you miss living in this mansion?"

Natsuki did not say a word at first, and Ai understood: It was not only an unusual question, but also a painful topic. However, the gentle blond eventually let out a quiet exhale and began. "When I left with you and Rei-Rei... it was so painful, Ai-chan. Leaving was not something that I ever thought I would do and even though it was what I wanted - permanently moving in with Rei-Rei - doing what we had that day... it still wasn't easy for me. If you guys, Maru-chan and Myu-chan hadn't been there, it would have been so much more painful. Leaving was the right thing to do and what I wanted, what you guys wanted for me, but..."

His voice held a small smile, even amidst its sadness.

"... that doesn't mean that everything that happened in this mansion was a cruel memory."

_You are truly a kind soul, Natsuki._

Even though STARISH had prevented him from truly smiling with his heart, glimpses of a warm smile had appeared in the smallest crevices, even if it disappeared within mere moments, even if they did not make up for what they had done to him during that painful time. Singing and dancing with smiles and laughs in between. Encouragements and reassurances. A seven-coloured rainbow. Even if those sparks only ended up bringing even more pain in the darkness, even though they would never be enough to amend for the wounds that had bled and the heart that had broken. And the thoughts of it brought true sorrow twisting through his heart as Ai did his best to not waver while still playing the song's heartbreaking chorus - a calm yet excruciating melody. _Too kind, Natsuki._

"But it was not my home. It never was."

Ai's eyes widened at the quiet yet gentle voice, his fingers barely managing to not break the cadence. He lifted his gaze from the keys and found Natsuki already looking at him with a tender smile glimmering in his kind green eyes.

"There are things that will always be reasons that this place is beautiful, whether it's the memories or the smaller places, but... it's not where I belong, just like I don't belong in STARISH." His green eyes brightened softly, like the stars without which a constellation's story could not be seen. "I belong in our quintet, in QUARTET NIGHT. With you guys."

That was when Ai reached the end of the first chorus, his fingers stilling over the piano keys. When he first became close to Natsuki and Reiji, began confiding in the two, it had not taken long for him to discover that he had been extremely inaccurate in his perceptions of both of them, that what he had thought were facts had actually been conclusions that he had not seen them deeply enough, let alone cared enough. He had not known them nearly as well as he thought he had and felt the feeling that he had been so foreign to; the feeling of failing someone he loved and cared about, of not noticing the shadows that had been torturing both of them behind the warmth of their eyes and hearts.

_But the three of us cleared the smoke from those mirrors together. The three of us and Camus and Ranmaru._

Almost shyly, Ai reached forward and tugged at Natsuki's hand, a softer smile forming on his lips.

_Even though there were so many unhealed wounds in the beginning... we loved you too much to want you to stay even a day longer in this mansion with STARISH._

Natsuki smiled warmly and that was when both of their cellphones vibrated. Both of them immediately checked their notifications and Ai narrowed his eyes at the message. "Ren said that they will be here in ten minutes." Standing up from the piano bench, Ai noticed the pain tinging Natsuki's green eyes and rubbed his back. "It'll be okay, Natsuki. We'll all be. None of them have any right to invalidate your feelings and if they even try to hurt you, we will all be there to stop them."

He held out his hand and smiled sincerely.

"Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus are most likely on their way to the entrance doors. Let's meet them there, okay?"

Natsuki looked down at Ai's hand and smiled earnestly despite his nervousness towards the situation in hand. "Yep, Ai-chan." He took Ai's hand and squeezed tightly, and the fact that there was not at all the slightest bit of hesitation in that gesture warmed Ai on the inside as they walked down the staircase, away from the grand piano, gradually moving closer to seeing six particular people with whom the blond did not belong.

As his thoughts became more grave, Ai allowed his fingers to tighten around Natsuki's, promising to be his best friend's strength.

_Two of whom... are still persisting to be shadows that attempt to diminish his light. And I do not and can never understand why they are still trying. I will never._

Reiji Kotobuki

"Ren."

Tokiya's voice was calm but cold, like a razor slicing through thin air effortlessly.

"What exactly did you tell them?"

"Everything that we needed to know in order to avoid a narrow-minded and unnecessary ambush," Camus stated, his polite tone contrasting his sharp words, saving Ren from needing to explain. His ice-blue eyes were unfazed but demanding. "Now, we were kind enough to prepare just enough seats for every one of us. Therefore, have a seat so that we can discuss the important matter in hand." His voice turned low. "I very _much_ insist."

Otoya and Cecil gulped while Syo cursed, but everyone obliged without much protest and took a seat around the wooden table of the living room area. Reiji, Natsuki, Ai and Ranmaru were already sitting on one of the sofas, while Camus was comfortably seated on the armchair nearest to that sofa with his legs folded and his arms crossed. Tokiya took a seat on the armchair directly opposite Camus, while Syo, Otoya, Cecil and Masato sat on the remaining sofa, with Ren sitting on its armrest while ignoring the confused stares and questioning looks that he received from his band members.

 _Thank you, Ren-Ren_ , Reiji conveyed with his eyes and a brief nod when he and Ren faced each other. _Really._ Ren smiled thinly in return.

"If any of you are beginning to think that Ren is betraying you or anything along those lines, let us all be completely clear. This is not about our two bands being at war with each other. That is not and _should not_ be what any of this is about."

Ai was the first to break the unsettling silence, his teal eyes calm but stern, his voice articulate.

"As everyone in this room knows, our progress in regards to the concert that is to conclude the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project is currently zero. As professionals and idols, we cannot simply stand idly by when we have a concert to pour everything into, when our fans have high hopes, faith and expectations in all of us. This meeting is not to pinpoint anyone, but to address the main problem as to why we have not been able to progress and solve this once and for all. That is why all five of us from QUARTET NIGHT decided to hold his meeting tonight."

"We don't expect this to go smoothly and I can tell from the looks on your faces that neither do you lot," Ranmaru continued as Reiji and Natsuki nodded quietly. "All that we ask is that you listen and be real honest with us, 'cause that's what we five are gonna do. No backstabbing, no picking on anyone, no lies." Syo scowled while Otoya, Cecil, Ren and Masato nodded, with Tokiya remaining silent. "Alright, at least no one's fibbing for now. So I'll get right to the freaking point."

Ranmaru narrowed his eyes, his expression concealing most of the rage that he had felt in the morning, as he snapped his head over to the shortest Shining Star, whose fists were clenched tightly.

"Syo. You planned to force Natsuki to duel ya for the right to play the violin as a Shining Star, with backup from Tokiya," his voice was calm but harsh, "right?"

"I wasn't planning to lie about that, if that's what you implied, Ranmaru," Syo snapped and Ranmaru's face darkened instantly. "So I'm gonna ask him right here and now. Right at his face." He stood up and locked eyes with Natsuki, his blue eyes blazing with utter fury. "Only one of us should be the Shining Stars' violinist and that's me and I won't allow anyone to take that away from me. So if you are even thinking of going back to playing the violin again," his voice rose like wildfire, "duel me so that everyone here can see which one of us deserves the right to play!"

"Syo-" Otoya tried.

"Let him answer, Otoya!"

"But-"

"No."

Natsuki answered, his voice calm and resolute, as he shook his head with the same emotions in his green eyes and looked straight at Syo, effectively silencing the room once again. Reiji tightened his arm around Natsuki as he noticed Tokiya narrow his eyes, his expression warning his assigned kouhai to not interrupt.

"I won't compete against you for the right to play the violin, Syo-chan. Playing an instrument that we love should not be given up just because of any of this. Playing the violin is far more precious than being something that we can just risk losing over a duel." His green eyes were filled with hurt, but he did not waver. "So I'm sorry but I won't and can't duel you - not like this."

"So you're backing out?"

Syo let out a mocking laugh as Reiji felt his heart beginning to cloud over like mist.

"Just like a coward."

"Say that again?" Ranmaru yelled out, shooting up to his feet as Cecil and Masato gasped in utter shock. His eyes blazing with fury, Ranmaru jabbed his index finger at Syo's chest as Reiji narrowed his eyes and Camus and Ai's expressions changed. "Did you not hear anything that Natsuki just said? And of all the things you're calling him _that_ over, all when he's not a coward of all things, it's just over him not accepting a duel that you challenged him to just because you're-"

"If he wasn't afraid of losing, he would be taking his violin out and duelling against me right here and now," Syo snarled back, letting out a cold scoff. "Do you really think that he cares about me? We wouldn't even be fighting over this if he did, because if he did, he would have been selfish and just let me play like I should! If he's not pretending to be kind-"

"Is that the lie that you truly want to hide behind in this convoluted game you started?" Camus voice leaked with venom.

"Then he's just an imbecile who has privileges due to having a mental disorder!" Syo snapped.

"What did you say?"

"Shorty!"

"Stop this, Kurusu!"

"Privileges?" Ranmaru repeated, scowling furiously as Ai's eyes turned cold and Reiji clenched his teeth. Reiji turned to Natsuki and noticed the deep hurt flashing across his kind green eyes. Squeezing his best friend on the shoulder, Reiji could feel his expression darken as he silently observed Ranmaru surge ahead with his onslaught of rage. "What on freaking earth are you goin' on about-"

"You don't know what it's been like having you in my freaking life!" Syo shouted at the top of his voice, glowering down at Natsuki with blue eyes wild with hate. "Even when you were just a kid, you just had to be the freaking prodigy, didn't you?" Eyes wide with sheer hurt, Natsuki tried to speak, but Syo cut him off before even a syllable could come out. "Don't give me that look, you moron. You know for a fact that you were a freaking natural, both at playing the instrument _and_ composing of all things, and while remaining as your oblivious, brainless self, you dimwit, you kept leaving me in the dust and throwing me into the shadows no matter how much I tried to shine like you did."

"Syo-chan, weren't we-"

" _Friends_?" Syo spat out, his spit flying as Camus' glare turned icy. "I thought that too. But the older we got, the more I came to realize that you were way more of a baggage than you were my friend. Always driving me crazy with your mental disorder and that crazy alter ego of yours - it makes me wonder why they did not just lock you up in the mental hospital so that you can just get out of my freaking way-"

"Syo, enough!" Ai raised his voice, his words cold with anger as Reiji tightened his fingers curled around Natsuki's shoulder.

"You're going way too far, Syo!" Otoya exclaimed as Masato clenched his teeth. He spun around to his former roommate, whose eyes remained cold and unfeeling. "Tokiya-"

"I thought that when you finally quit the violin, I was finally put out of my freaking misery, but no, no and definitely _no_." Syo's face was blotched cerise, his fists quivering with utter rage. "From our childhood to the academy to STARISH, you being with me was nothing but a living torture that I did not do anything to deserve! I did not fight for my life in the hospital as a kid with a sickness that I did not deserve just to put up with your sickening self. Yet while I struggled on, you went up higher and higher like it was no big deal, like everything just fell from freaking trees. You were in STARISH? Fine. You were a violist? Real fine. But joining QUARTET NIGHT... that was unbelievable, even for you, Natsuki. And getting back the genius composer in you? Rising up higher and higher as you shine brighter and brighter? Wanting to play the violin again when you're already shining brighter than me? All while smiling that big bright smile of yours that I wish I could just punch out of your oh-so-innocent face? You..."

"Say another word and I'll-" Ranmaru threatened.

"You don't know what it's like to struggle at all!" Syo shrieked at the top of his lungs, his feelings of resentment and hate burning over like flames. "You have it easy; you've _always_ had it easy! You say you got by by being yourself, but you know what you are? A privileged prodigy who doesn't have to do anything to stand out, when in actuality, you are nothing but a burdensome coward-"

"You're the coward, Syo."

His tone cold and even, Reiji stood up from the sofa, peering down at Syo with a calm but dark gaze. Tilting his black fedora, he did not change his expression or stance as Syo glared harshly at him, not the slightest bit intimidated or fazed as the younger violinist spat words at him like a deck of cards that he was using with the wrong methods, for the wrong reasons, in the wrong game. " _What_ did you just say-"

"It's easier for you to call someone else, who, in your case, is the kindest person in this room, a coward rather than look at yourself in the mirror and reflect upon what you have done and chosen not to do, right?" His voice, quieter than usual, was devoid of any warmth; a warmth that he could no longer spare even a drop of for the boy he was speaking to. "I have been very patient. So have Ran-Ran, Myu-chan, Ai-Ai and Nattsun. However, every person has their limit and quite frankly, listening to your degrading and empty statements," his eyes remained locked with Syo's, unwavering, "I have reached the very peak of mine, for your cowardice has gone too far past the red line."

"I am not a coward!" Syo snapped.

"That is not the first lie you have told all evening," Reiji stated casually.

"Shut up, you clown!"

Syo lunged at Reiji, a fist raised into the air, but the latter immediately ducked and grabbed the younger boy by the shoulder. "What the-" Leaning over the table between them, Reiji arched forward and pinned Syo, who had stumbled down onto the ground, against the bottom of the sofa, his grip on the latter's shoulder tight. Reiji barely heard the gasps and yells of shock around him as Syo gritted his teeth in anger. "Let go, Reiji! Let go of-"

"Tell me. Would you, and Tokki, have gone this far if, let's say... it was someone else other than Nattsun who decided to play the violin as a Shining Star member? Or if the instrument in question was not a violin, but a piano, guitar or any other instrument that a member of the Shining Star is already playing?" Syo opened his mouth, but no words came out, and he opted to merely clench his teeth and fists, causing Reiji to narrow his eyes. "I thought so. It wouldn't have been this personal to you if it hadn't been your instrument, which is one thing. But I'd like to focus on the fact that the person seems to play a very significant role in the level of your emotions. You wouldn't be going to this extent if the person had been your own band member, like Otoyan and Ren-Ren, for example. And as much as the two bands can be really heated rivals, you can't be honest if you tell me that you would be this extreme if you were to find out that Myu-chan, Ai-Ai, Ran-Ran or I had taken up the violin of all instruments. So it's really clear that the reason you have this much rage and resentment towards this situation is because the person is _Nattsun_. And from everything I've seen and heard, I can tell you exactly why."

Reiji arched forward a little more, his foot sliding further across the table, his voice calm and quiet.

"You are afraid of Nattsun, that's why."

"I am not-"

"If you aren't, would you have tried to stop him from playing the violin again? Tried to take the right to play the instrument away by force even if it meant breaking him on the inside?" Reiji cut in sharply, his calm voice edged with cool anger, not giving Syo the chance to interrupt. "Bullying him, insulting him, calling him names, doing every single thing that he would never, and I mean _never_ , have ever even considered doing to you? You hurt him because you are afraid of him. You were afraid of a kind, bright and innocent boy and so you did all that you could think of to try and stop him from glowing brighter and stronger than he already is. You justified your actions through hate, resentment and lies, and _that_... is what defines fear as cowardice rather than mere fear. You can't even admit it to yourself, so you chose to take it out on him and hurt him over and over again if it meant that you would not be blamed. But the truth is that no matter how many lies you tell, it will never be enough to quell your pain, because those lies are empty as they are. And among those lies... you told one of the most blatant lies I have ever heard."

Syo gritted his teeth as Reiji looked down at him with a dark expression that matched the tone of his quiet voice, the latter's teeth clenched.

"'You have it easy.'" His throat constricted with nausea as he uttered those five syllables. "That's what you said, right? You are either blind or lying if you are to say such a cruel statement about Nattsun. Do you think it is easy to be him? To be as kind, honest, caring and forgiving as him? To smile and hold out a hand even when his heart is breaking and he is already crying? To be cornered and attempted to be pushed back into the shadows because he is glowing, to be treated like he was not an equal to you guys and to be bullied, insulted and harassed even when he never deserved even one second of it? To be left bleeding out in an alleyway on the night of 27 January, a night that is one of the things that you _do_ know about, and to never be able to forget it no matter what? All that and more... all while he chooses to remain kind - the kindest person I know - and wish to be a star so that he could bring happiness to the people he loves and cares about, even as it hurts. Is that... what you call 'having it easy', Syo? Because it's anything but easy. You don't know what it's like to be him, because you're not him. And you don't understand how he feels, because you're not the one who holds him and sees the broken pieces of his heart every time he cries. You don't just not understand him; you don't _try_ to."

Reiji pulled away from Syo and the latter immediately clutched the shoulder that the former had gripped. Turning, Reiji faced Natsuki, who was still sitting down, and found his green eyes filled with pure worry and hurt, emotions that he also felt for Reiji despite what Syo had done to him. Smiling briefly, Reiji placed a hand onto his best friend's shoulder before facing Syo again with a calm, unsmiling expression.

"So the rest of QUARTET NIGHT and I would really appreciate it if you took the time to consider your words and recollect your thoughts before the next time we have a meeting, in order for this absurdity to not repeat itself. The next time we meet, we genuinely hope that we actually focus on the task in hand, which is the closing concert for the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project, rather than clash with each other this way."

"And you'd better give up on the idea of dragging the name 'Shining Stars' into the mud," Ranmaru stated, pulling himself up to his feet along with Ai, Natsuki and Camus, his voice laced with warning, "let alone abandoning it. The eleven of us are supposed to be one in this project, not freaking enemies of all things. It's about being there for one another when it counts, even if our two bands do compete with each other."

He turned and looked straight at Tokiya with narrowed eyes.

"And I ain't just talking about Syo."

Tokiya maintained a composed expression on his face, but he did not say a word. Collectively deciding to not call him out on his silence, the five QUARTET NIGHT members glanced at each other and Natsuki spoke softly.

"Goodnight, guys."

"Night, Shinomi, Ran-chan senpais."

"Goodnight, Natsuki, guys."

"Night."

The five of them thus left the six STARISH members in the living room that remained engulfed in a sorrowful, unsettling fog of silence, with unresolved feelings and beliefs that the younger band needed to sort through on their own. Walking next to Natsuki, Reiji could feel a deep sense of agony and sorrow that he had not noticed during his confrontation with Syo wrench his heart tightly like a hand violently twisting a key to lock a cage, and he let out a quiet but shaky breath, which made a chest that he had not realized was this painfully tight relax a little. Calling himself a coward was what he was used to. Calling _somebody else_ a coward... that was not at all something that he thought he would ever do, especially in the open when everyone was watching, even if he knew he was right. Waves of fatigue washed over him and he would not have noticed that he was trembling if Natsuki had not wrapped an arm around him and pulled him closer as they approached the entrance doors.

 _No, no..._ Bleak thoughts began to leak through his head like cold ink. _I'm not supposed to be the one being comforted here, especially not by you, my dear Nattsun. We've got this backwards and not only that, but... I feel like I should be called out on my hypocrisy now that I've said all I had to... I don't know._ He felt another hand place itself onto his back as the large entrance doors were slowly opened. _It's strange, really... I am not sure what to feel. What_ should _I feel?_

He stared ahead at the night sky beyond the open doors, at the infinite silver fairy lights spread across Prussian blue like shards of broken glass romanticized by unreachable illusions.

_Like an illusion that numbed has been lifted... now I'm the one who feels guilty... and terrified._

"I'd say we forget about this issue for the rest of the night and focus on feeling better."

Ranmaru, who had one hand placed on Reiji and Natsuki's backs each, spoke in a half-murmur as Camus and Ai held the doors open and faced the rest of them.

"Reiji, Natsuki, what do you two have in mind?"

"You shouldn't be asking me," Reiji told Ranmaru, his eyes widening. "I mean, Nattsun's the one who took this h-"

"Rei-Rei did say that for our next sleepover, he wanted to try some hot milk tea from the new colourful cafe that just opened," Natsuki answered, turning to Reiji with a gentle smile on his face, "and watch magic anime with those comfy blankets that the staff allowed us to bring home as gifts from the family photo shoot." He gave Reiji a light squeeze on the shoulder as his green eyes turned warmer. "If you want, the five of us can have the sleepover tonight. What do you think, Maru-chan, Ai-chan, Myu-chan?"

"E-Ehh, Nattsun!" Reiji exclaimed, his eyes wide with incredulousness. "I know you're a real sweetheart, but everything that you just said was what I wanted, not what you wanted!"

"I want this, because you do."

"But-"

"And I know that even though you were not the one being personally cornered in the meeting, you were really affected by it as well," Natsuki continued, his voice quieter than before. His eyes glimmered with pure sadness as he smiled softly. "We know that a lot of the things that were said during the meeting... hurt you so much on the inside. You were trembling when we left the room and Rei-Rei... it didn't have to be you who were cornered for it to hurt you and it did. And all of us want to spend tonight making sure that everyone can truly smile again." His voice was filled with pure warmth. "That includes you too."

"This is not the best place to talk about it if we don't want anyone listenin' in," Ranmaru remarked, glancing over his shoulder, "but I agree with our kiddo. You didn't show it when you were piercing facts right to that pipsqueak, but everyone in this group knew." He grinned slightly. "As long as this is what you and Natsuki wanna do with us tonight, I'm going along, even if it means cringing throughout some crazy comedy."

"I share the same sentiments," Camus said with a deep chuckle, "including the part where certain individuals cringe; myself included." Ranmaru laughed as Reiji chuckled, with Ai and Natsuki smiling. "There is a bright night ahead of us and we would very much like to spend those hours in a way in which everyone is fully content."

"And no one should feel the need to diminish their own feelings," Ai mentioned, reaching out to take both Natsuki and Reiji by the hands, squeezing softly as a true smile adorned his features. "The both of you prioritized and looked out for each other over yourselves and it is clear that you are still doing so at this very moment. But now, please let us take care of both of you. You two really deserve it, Natsuki, Reiji."

"And you, Reiji, can start by giving me your car keys so that I can drive us to that cafe," Ranmaru finished, holding out an open palm. "And Natsuki..." he smiled lightly, "I'll... let you guys cuddle me."

Natsuki's eyes widened as they glistened with emotion. "Maru-chan, guys..."

"You guys really hit the mark with me and Nattsun, that's for sure," Reiji confessed, chuckling lightly as his chest turned warmer. "But..." his smile turned cheeky even though he could feel the lump thickening in his throat, "who said I was gonna let you drive, Ran-Ran?"

"Well," Ranmaru smirked slyly, crossing his arms, "I didn't say that I couldn't or wouldn't do this the hard way." He turned to Natsuki, his eyes glinting with mischief. "Natsuki, lift him."

"Hey, that's playing dirty- Nattsun, don't listen to him! Hey!"

Reiji yelped and laughed as Natsuki easily scooped him up into his arms with pure laughter and Ranmaru swiftly took the car keys from the brunet's trousers' left pocket. "That's not fair! You can't just take 'em from me without permission _and_ have Nattsun carry me like this!" With an amused smile, Ai told Natsuki to bring Reiji to the backseat as Ranmaru guffawed and a smirking Camus pointed out that if Reiji really wanted them to stop, he would have told them seriously by now. Knowing that he was definitely caught red-handed, Reiji chuckled and held onto Natsuki as the five of them drew closer to the green car parked at the front of the mansion.

At some point, he felt his eyes begin to water and even though the wind blew past and howled, he knew that it was not because of that. And when he was seated in the car between Natsuki and Ai, he could not have been more grateful that he was not the one driving, because as soon as Natsuki turned to him, the blond immediately pulled him into a tight and warm hug that made him feel like his aching heart was glowing like a burning star in this cold spring night.

_This is not a night of illusions._

Burying his face into Natsuki's shoulder, Reiji finally allowed himself to quiver and let the tears that had been building up inside his chest to fall as Ai delicately carded his fingers through his brown hair and the car began to drift off.

_This night is still too bright... to be a night of illusions, even as I'm crying now, even as unravelled as I am now. The unravelled and broken me... that you all know and I can no longer hide from you._

Ranmaru Kurosaki

_"It is better to realize on your own than have the truth revealed to you by someone else."_

"Realize" and "Reveal." Those were two words that were tied together more deeply and darkly than most people generally thought. When that particular statement came to mind on a night on which Ai and Ranmaru were alone in the former's bedroom and working on their respective writings, they had taken the time to discuss how much truth they felt was there in that sentence that lacked context. Quite frankly, it was difficult to really say. For starters, it was easy to say that it was true in some instances, such as you finding out for yourself that a "friend" was planning to betray you rather than them revealing it to you the moment they pushed you into flames for you to burn alone. Such as you realizing that you were being fooled by a manipulative con artist instead of the scum unravelling the truth to you the moment he laughed maniacally and slipped away after they got what they wanted from you. Such as you realizing that the sanctuary you thought you saw was nothing more than an illusion rather than the illusion revealing its true colours by disappearing once you had fallen too deeply into broken imagination.

However, even that, both Ai and Ranmaru had agreed grimly, was merely the _simple_ part.

Was it really better for you to realize that your best friend who had been smiling warmly on the outside actually held deep, harrowing pain and sadness on the inside, rather than them being the one to reveal that heartbreaking truth to you? Was it really better for you to discover your dearest person's most vulnerable part of themselves rather than them slowly divulging it to you at their own will? Was it really better... to find him crying brokenly under the moonlight rather than them, one day, quietly approaching you with tears stinging in their eyes? What would you have done with this truth if you found out sooner than they intended for you to? Would you be able to say the right words and convey something - anything - that would not break them even further? Did you have even close to enough kindness or empathy to understand even a drop of what they were feeling? Or...

Would you only be able to merely stare in helpless silence... as they, whom you loved and thought you knew, drowned deeper into an ocean of illusions, lies and masks, even as powerless as they had been rendered by what had been revealed?

_Did I create... a painful liar... all this time I failed to realize?_

Even if those memories were fast asleep in the deepest corners of his heart, God knew that he would never ever forget those times that he had seen brightness dissolve into shadows and smiles disappear into tears, whether under near blinding lights or under heavy darkness. Brightness and smiles that had hidden too painfully much right before his own eyes.

_Or did I reveal that I knew too soon... that he thought that he was the true failure... for not being able to even lie for himself?_

Sheer pain twisted through his heart like a jagged knife as the words floated inside his head like strings in cold air that could break apart at the slightest contact of a shard of glass. The glass that screamed silently as it burned in flames. _Maybe it is both_ , Ranmaru thought with a rueful smile that he barely concealed as he carded his fingers through Reiji's gentle brown hair, allowing himself to at least relish in the serenity of the new and early morning as he exhaled more sharply than he had intended to. _Actually, maybe not the second one. 'Cause if anything, we were too late and ignorant... to see what should have been noticed all that time._

Glancing around, he could not help but ponder over what the rest of the group was thinking, if they were thinking of what he was. 

_Much too late._

It was an early morning, with dawn barely cracking with sunlight. With the sleepover having been held here, all five of them had stayed in Natsuki and Reiji's shared bedroom for the night, with plushies, extra mattresses and the colourful blankets from the family photo shoot. They had stayed up together, sipping hot milk tea from the new cafe while watching the magic-themed comedy anime that Reiji had wanted to start, playing card games and being their genuine, chaotic selves without holding back or any filter. Given how exhausted he had been, Ranmaru was really surprised that he woke up quite early and was not even close to being the last to wake up. While all of them remained on the mattresses that had been lined up together for them to sleep on, the only ones besides Ranmaru who were sitting up and awake were Ai and Camus, who had been sipping peppermint tea and chatting in hushed whispers when Ranmaru first opened his eyes. 

Lying down with blankets piled over the lower halves of their bodies, on the other hand, were Natsuki and Reiji, who were snuggled close to each other as they remained fast asleep, a shroud of serenity surrounding the two. His eyes closed behind his black-framed glasses, Natsuki was hugging Reiji, his arms wrapped around the brunet's back protectively and warmly - two qualities about Natsuki that had always touched the people around him - all while a small, innocent smile adorned his face. Reiji's head was buried into Natsuki's chest, his face filled with a quiet tranquility that would have strangers unable to suspect how exuberant and loud he was in real life, a hand gently pressed onto the taller blond's back. Sitting cross-legged next to Natsuki, Ai smiled gently as he ran a hand up and down the kind blond's back as Camus watched with his expression considerably softer than usual. It was not a sight that they got to see too often, even when they had sleepovers. With both of them usually brimming with radiant spirit, Reiji and Natsuki could be up this early even after sleeping late; a habit that Camus had teasingly requested for Ranmaru to attempt to adopt. And as rare as it was... it made Ranmaru relax on the inside, knowing that at least for a moment, their worries vanished from their minds.

_And they don't have to smile through any kind of pain when they're fast asleep like this, in each other's arms, with all of us right here._

The morning light seeped from the narrow slit that the curtains allowed, pooling onto the floor silently and gently, bringing a bit more warmth in this unbroken serenity.

_At least right now, last night does not exist. For now, at least for now._

"We are fortunate that our schedules are cleared for the morning."

"I agree," Ai stated quietly, gazing down at Natsuki and Reiji as he nodded. "I would highly recommend it if they want to sleep in. The schedule allows them to do so and yesterday was evidently exhausting for both of them."

"Do you mean the sleepover or the meeting?" Ranmaru asked, glancing down as Reiji shifted to snuggle closer to Natsuki.

"Both," Ai answered. "But I believe that the both of you know that I was mainly referring to the latter."

When Ranmaru raised his head again, he found a sad smile curved on Ai's lips.

"I cannot even describe how relieved I was..." his voice was barely above a painful whisper, "that neither of them chose to try and hide their pain when it was vividly affecting them on the inside."

Placing a hand on Ai's shoulder, Camus nodded with a wry smile as Ranmaru let out a quiet sigh, memories seeping into his head like cold, quiet mist through the crevices of a dense forest. Just because the meeting had ended, it had not meant that the pain just dissolved and disappeared right there and then. While tears had fell from Reiji's face in the car, everyone was surprised by how much calmer and more composed Natsuki was as he held the older brunet in his arms despite having been verbally assaulted repeatedly by Syo. Thankfully, however, later during the sleepover, when they were settled with their hot beverages, Natsuki quietly asked if he could talk about what had happened, and everyone, including Reiji, were extremely relieved that he asked, that he was not trying to hold his emotions back like he used to. So while last night had its share of sheer agony and broken pieces, it had also been filled with pure warmth, comfort and togetherness, with all five of them holding one another as they whispered honest confessions and reassurances to one another. 

_I don't want... to ruin you or hurt you... and yet... I'm such a selfish, horrible person and liar_ , Reiji had uttered with tears in his grey eyes one broken night in the passenger car of a glowing Ferris Wheel that did not stop changing colours for anyone.

 _I thought..._ Natsuki had confessed softly, his voice wavering with tears on the other side of a door in Shining's mansion, with Ranmaru and Camus on the opposite end of walls that were too thin and thus, vulnerable, _that it would be alright._

It was the main reason why they were able to have a morning that was as warm and gentle as the morning that they were having right now: the earnest honesty and openness that they now shared despite their pasts of hiding and even lying. Even as each of their chests cradled a heart that had been broken for one another too many times for them to even count.

"It's only once we've been exposed to how cold and broken a night can be when we can appreciate and treasure how warm and bright ordinary mornings such as this can be."

Ranmaru remarked in a half-murmur, one hand gripping his knee.

"All too often, and we sure ain't exceptions to this, it takes feeling pain and sadness to realize what you've taken for granted, to understand how valuable what you already have is."

"Ranmaru..."

"Give me a bit." Ranmaru dug his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through his gallery, swiping his thumb rapidly across the screen. "This." Grunting, he held out his phone to Ai and Camus so that they could see the picture. "Remember this?"

"That is a picture from the first outing that Natsuki, Reiji and I had ever since Natsuki permanently moved out of STARISH's dormitories to live with Reiji." Ai's answer was near instantaneous, his voice barely above a whisper. A small smile tugged at his lips. "Reiji had insisted that we left early as he planned to surprise us with the sunrise and the view from the restaurant's higher floor."

"And Reiji proceeded to send this picture to the four-man group chat," Camus recalled thoughtfully, a slight smile forming on his face. "It is the first picture from him that I cared to personally save."

"Same." Ranmaru grinned as he held out a fist to Camus, and the two of them bumped fists once. "Normally, I'd just delete group shots right away, especially if I ain't in it. But I just couldn't bring myself to delete that one - didn't even consider for a second to delete it. And it ain't because of the scenery." He looked at Ai and gave him a lopsided smile. "You three looked and were real happy and even you were smiling instead of wearing your normal poker face. No masks, no lies, no smiles hiding anything. The pic said it all."

"But one cannot deny that it would have been beautiful to see in person."

"Can't disagree with that."

"It was, Camus, Ranmaru. It was beautiful beyond words."

"Indeed."

"Yeah," Ranmaru said, smiling as he looked down at the photo himself. "And from then on, the five of us grew closer and closer and got to have plenty- no, countless more memories and moments together that were definitely beautiful even if it was sadness and pain that began them. The river, the meadows, the forest, the Ferris Wheel, meeting Eli and Yuu, the whole anti-bullying campaign... there are just too many to list just like this." He let out a quiet laugh and his face softened in its own will. "I ain't really one to be sentimental-"

"We know."

"Oh shut it, Camus." There, however, was no bite in his words and all of them knew it as all of them laughed a little. "Again, I ain't normally a sentimental guy, but if we're being fully - or bluntly, for _some_ people - honest... as much as we've really messed up in the past, especially when it came to one another and Natsuki and Reiji, if the five of us are really here like this right now..."

He cracked a tender, honest smile.

"We did at least some right along the way... right?"

"Truly, our mistakes can never be undone. However..."

Camus placed a hand over Ranmaru's and smiled sincerely.

"Let them remain undone. It is both what we have done right and wrong that allowed all five of us dissimilar individuals to reach where we are as a family. I would not change a single thing even if I could, and as the prideful man that you are well aware I am," his ice-blue eyes were warm, "you know that I am not saying this lightly."

"Though I don't disagree with ya, 'prideful' is an understatement."

"Is this payback for earlier?"

"I did not say it was."

"Camus. Ranmaru." Ai stopped them, but he was smiling. "I would allow you to continue with this mild banter, but I would like to speak as well." Camus chuckled as Ranmaru reached over the sleeping boys to teasingly ruffle Ai's hair, causing the teal-haired boy to shake his head as he scooted away. "Moving back to the previous conversation, there is something that I have been reminded of. It is something that Reiji and Natsuki told me when they were teaching me about emotions. They said that there are certain times when you do not need long speeches or tedious writings or poems to express what you desire to. That sometimes, saying it simply as it is, with just a few words or sentences, is as appropriate as it is earnest. For instance..." Ai smiled softly. "I want to be with you."

"I am grateful to be by your side."

"Please stay with me."

"I love you."

"Love ya too."

"I love you guys."

"H-Hold up!"

Ranmaru snapped his head down to stare at Reiji and Natsuki, who opened their eyes with soft smiles on their faces. 

"How long have you two been awake?" His cheeks swelled with blood.

"No need to be so embarrassed, Ran-Ran!" Reiji laughed, grinning cheekily. "I just woke up to the part where Ai-Ai was talking about what Nattsun and I taught him about emotions." He shifted and chuckled as he reached out to tousle Natsuki's soft blond hair. "Dunno 'bout our sweet Nattsun, though."

"I heard what Rei-Rei heard," Natsuki said, his voice gentle. He smiled warmly at all of them. "It makes me feel warm... starting today like this. With words as dear as 'I love you' and 'I want to be with you.'" He gazed at all of them with green eyes filled with pure softness. "Can we all hug too? At least once?"

"I suppose that your wish can be accommodated," Camus teased, but his eyes were gentle and thus, giving him away. "What are your verdicts, Ranmaru, Ai?"

"I'm giving you five seconds to get up," Ranmaru grinned as Ai smiled lightly, holding up a hand, "starting- Oi!"

"It's a QUARTET NIGHT hug of love!"

"You nearly made my heart stop, you both!"

But everyone knew that he was not implying for them to let go as they laughed and held one another in a large, warm group hug, with Ranmaru somewhat stuck in the middle. With a smile that was more tender than usual spreading across his face, Ranmaru chuckled and hugged and let himself be hugged as the five of them stayed right there sitting on the blankets and mattresses, their feelings as well as the memories that they were sharing much, much warmer than even the sunshine seeping through the glass window. It was much later when they decided to get ready and have breakfast and even later in the day when Ranmaru got to sit in his bedroom with a mug of decaffeinated coffee and write his intermediary piece, being the last of the three to finish his, titling it with a word that had grown to mean more to him over the time that he spent with his four closest friends.

_You do not need to tear the wavering curtains to shreds to see the glass behind them. Just like how you do not need to break the phantom white mask to see the face behind it even as the person refuses to take it off. Just like how you do not have to crush a soul with your words or hands in order to feel a numbed heartbeat. Even if you feel like the faster you find out or call them out on their lie the better it is, do not ever rush them or you will end up breaking them apart even more than you already have. Because it is not better if all it ends up doing is leave them bleeding and hiding into the dark even more as they silently cry in pain._

_But that does not mean that you can just turn a blind eye and walk away either, because the damage that will be done and unravelled with time can never be undone as it stares you in the face under the lights that do not stop illumining your mistakes even for a moment. It may take long to understand everything, but even if it is small, you can reveal bit by bit of what has been buried away and hidden. A small gust of wind can part the curtains layer by layer. A tiny fire can reach a cold soul instead of breaking it and bring a melody back to life. And a warm touch can let the mask wax and wane like the pale full moon into the night... and reveal the tears in eyes that did not have the heart to lie._

_You may not have the most strength, but that does not mean that you are powerless either._

Leaning over his shoulder with a cup of chamomile tea, Ai looked down at the piece of writing and gave Ranmaru a faint smile and approving nod. Grinning back, Ranmaru tousled Ai's hair and wrote the last paragraph while mentally deciding to get Camus, Natsuki and Reiji to come over to the room for another round of games and more chatter and laughter, all to be accompanied by a pure earnestness that he would do all he could to never take for granted again.

_Even though I may be a little late to realize and do what I can to make sure you could smile through the cold night, I'm glad that I did manage to do something right for you now. And I know I did, because if I had not... we all know that we would not be here together like this, smiling sincerely as we appreciate and treasure what we have, including and especially one another._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Myu-chan. Do you remember that time outside the ballroom, when I thought that this song may not be meant to be sung by me?"

"As a matter of fact, I do," Camus answered, nodding briefly as the two blonds walked along the corridor of Shining's mansion, having been summoned by the headmaster. "I also recall stating that while it was certainly a possibility, you may need to give it more thought considering that you are the original composer." He stroked his chin as his blue eyes turned thoughtful. "Has there been a further development?"

"I thought about it, just like you advised me to," Natsuki said, his voice soft as they passed by the wall of glass windows, warm afternoon sunshine falling upon both of them. "The title, the melody, the emotions, everything... I ended up writing lyrics to it and I realized... that I had missed certain things." He paused, rubbing the back of his neck with a shy smile. "Actually, maybe a bit much."

"Hmm?" Camus looked half-amused-half-intrigued, a small smile playing at his lips. "Could you elaborate, Natsuki?"

"Yep." Natsuki nodded with a light smile. "'Shadow of Stars', just like the other three violin pieces, was written and played without the younger me knowing that it could or would ever be sung by anyone, including myself. But the more I listened to it, the more I understood for what and whom I had written it for. It's meant to be a song that can be sung."

Natsuki's smile grew softer as Camus folded his arms, the latter's ice-blue eyes as welcoming as they were curious.

"And I think that the one who should sing it is n-"

"Camus, Natsuki."

"Oh. Good afternoon, Hyuga-san."

"Hyuga-sensei," Natsuki greeted, his eyes widening in surprise as Ryuga, one of Shining's two right-hand men, stood in front of the double doors to the headmaster's office with crossed arms. "Good afternoon. Is Shining-sensei inside?"

"He is," Ryuya answered, nodding curtly with a serious expression. "So are the rest of your band members." He gestured at the doors and stepped away, his features relaxing ever so slightly. "Come on in."

Both Camus and Natsuki thanked the senior and the latter opened the door, allowing them to enter. Shining was sitting at his desk while Ranmaru, Reiji and Ai were standing in one straight row in front of him. The three of them immediately turned around once the doors opened and Camus and Natsuki walked inside. "Myu-chan! Nattsun!" Reiji beamed as the doors were slowly closed by the senior on the other side. Natsuki smiled faintly and Camus nodded briefly as the two of them did not spare a moment to join their three closest friends and all of them faced Shining, who had yet to say a word.

"We're all here, Shiny-san, just like you asked."

"So whaddya want?" Ranmaru asked, crossing his arms with a suspicious frown. "If it's about the concert-"

"I have complete trust in all eleven of you to not only not jeopardize your own concert, but also to make it a mind-blowing success," Shining interrupted, his tone serious, "especially with all of the skills and passion that all of you have been showcasing throughout the project despite being under time constraints. However, that is not why I have summoned all five of you QUARTET NIGHT boys here. No, no. This meeting is about an entirely different topic altogether."

Shining turned to focus his gaze on Natsuki, whose eyes widened in pure confusion.

"Do you know that your alter ego has been sending me messages, Mr Shinomiya?"

"Sacchan?" Natsuki uttered softly, his heart thumping in shock as everyone else's eyes widened, with Ranmaru gaping at him. "No, I don't, Shining-sensei. He never told me anything about it."

"We had no knowledge of him resurfacing for that particular purpose," Ai stated, his eyes calm but grim. "What was Satsuki texting you for?"

"Mr Satsuki told me that you were slowly recollecting your sealed memories through listening to and overcoming four violin pieces that you have previously failed to listen to without them being too much strain for your heart," Shining began, his hands clasped together over his desk and under his chin, his eyes remaining on Natsuki. Natsuki stared at the Shining Agency head with pure astonishment. "That is correct, is it not, Mr Shinomiya?"

"Yes, Shining-sensei."

"And you are progressing with the third violin piece, 'Shadow of Stars', right?"

"Yes, but-"

"What's goin' on here?" Ranmaru demanded, placing an arm in front of Natsuki, his voice blazing like flames as he narrowed his eyes at Shining. "For one, it ain't at all like freaking Satsuki to get anyone who isn't involved to be involved, so there's clearly somethin' you ain't telling us. Also, I don't believe for a second that you just found this out last night, so you have known for some time and yet chose to kept it from all of us, even Natsuki. Look, I don't ask for freaking much and neither do the rest of us, but we'd all very much like to know anything that concerns not only our band member, but our closest friend. So we'd really like an explanation as to why you chose now to tell us."

"Ran-Ran's right," Reiji agreed, glancing at Ranmaru then back to Shining with a worried expression. "What-"

"With how much Mr Shinomiya has progressed, Mr Satsuki told me that it was time."

Shining looked straight at all of them with a serious expression and Ranmaru immediately opened his mouth to speak. "Time for w-"

"Mr Satsuki gave me a request to fulfil once the terms and conditions have been met, and they have been met, which is why I have gathered all of you here today," Shining continued. "I have pondered over the decision and decided that the earlier that this request is granted, the better it is for all who are involved. Therefore, here is my proposition to you, Mr Shinomiya, with you being for whom Mr Satsuki made this request."

The headmaster looked directly into Natsuki's eyes.

"In order for you to piece together more of the memories that have been suppressed, would you like to spend a week's time in your hometown, Mr Shinomiya?" A smile began to form on Shining's face. "I have made the necessary arrangements, so if you accept, you may leave tomorrow morning."

_"Bearing your pain,_

_Eventually, like the rising sun,_

_I want to be warmed"_

\- "Bright Road", by Ranmaru Kurosaki (Tatsuhisa Suzuki)


	68. Deeper

Natsuki Shinomiya

"The story of Gemini in Greek mythology is filled with sadness, much like so many stories from the other constellations in the sky."

Gazing up at the starry night sky, Natsuki smiled faintly, memories of that story that he considered sorrowful and yet bittersweet causing his heart to swell with emotion.

"It's a story about two twins... two inseparable twins."

It was about three months ago, back in a cold February night. He, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus had gone out to see the stars by the river, with the sapphire night sky being as crystal-clear as it was inimitably beautiful. Natsuki had brought his telescope and with freshly-brewed butterfly pea milk tea in their thermos and teacups, they had been taking turns gazing through the telescope while chatting in the gentle serenity of the winter night that was warm with emotions. As they sat on the lush verdant grass with the bright gaze of the glowing moon and ocean of stars reflected by the tranquil, silent water, Ai had inquired about the story of the constellation of Gemini, Natsuki's horoscope. He mentioned that while Natsuki had told them the stories of numerous other constellations, including those of the senpais' horoscopes, he had never told them of Gemini's story, and this piqued Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus' interest as well. 

So with his arms wrapped around Ai in a back hug, Natsuki had begun telling his best friends about Gemini's story in Greek mythology.

"Their names were Pollux and Castor. However, even though they were twins, while Pollux was immortal, Castor was mortal. They grew up together and both were extremely skilled at fighting, although in different ways. Castor was an amazing horseman and brilliant at fencing, while Pollux boxed extremely well. They were together on many adventures, including a number of big ones, even saving sailors from being shipwrecked by Poseidon. However, they later ended up in a fight against another pair of twins over two women, and even though their father Zeus ended the fight," he let out a quiet breath, his heart throbbing a little, "Castor was killed in battle."

Reiji's eyes widened. "Oh no!"

"This was somewhat expected," Camus remarked, folding his arms, "considering that Castor was mortal from the beginning."

"I mean, there was that, but still-"

"What happened next, Natsuki?"

"Even though Pollux managed to avenge his twin brother, it did not heal him from his grief for Castor. So Pollux asked Zeus for him to share his immortality with his twin and because of this, seeing the two's closeness, Zeus placed both Pollux and Castor in the sky and so the two brothers were inseparable as the constellation known as Gemini, representing the two brightest stars in the constellation." A soft smile lingering on his face, Natsuki gazed up at the night sky of glistening stars. "I think that the togetherness that the twins share is beautiful and the stars that we saw in the constellation were so bright because of them."

"You were right to say that it was bittersweet."

An elbow propped up over his knee, Ranmaru grinned.

"Started happy, was tragic in the middle, and ended with a happiness that could come to life because of the tragedy happened. It's really weird how happiness and sadness work together, but I don't make the rules, do I?"

"This may be one of my favourite stories from Greek mythology," Ai commented, smiling faintly as he and Natsuki adjusted their sitting position so that they were now next to each other. "I like how it comprises of a variety of emotions and a complexity that is as deep as it still remains comprehensible."

"And you know," a smile slowly spread across Reiji's face, "the story shares its similarities with a pair of twins we know, right?"

"With one of the two being the person who told us the story," Camus stated, giving Natsuki a teasing smirk.

Natsuki's eyes widened slightly, warm blood rushing into his cheeks, and everyone laughed as Reiji draped an arm around his shoulders and tousled his wavy blond hair with a bright beam. The truth was that ever since Natsuki found out that he had an alter ego inside of him, the constellation that represented his horoscope grew to be more and more meaningful to him as its story glowed brighter in his heart. The twins in the myth, Pollux and Castor, fought together, cared deeply for each other, and loved each other so much that they remained together as stars in the Gemini constellation with a shared immortality. Natsuki felt that he and Satsuki were so much like those twin brothers.

_Sacchan and I may not be biological siblings, but we are like stars connected in a constellation of our own, even if it does not have a name. He loved and looked after me even when I had yet to know and understand that he was there and is one of the main reasons why I can smile with my heart. And now I want to shine for him too, with a glow that is brighter than Sirius, and hope that as we live on, my warmth can reach him too._

Now in the present, as he sat in Shining's private jet, Natsuki gazed out of the window into the deep expanse of the sky that had yet to awaken from sleep and felt emotions well up inside of him at the thoughts and memories of the alter ego alive and awake in his heart.

_I want to be your light, too, Sacchan._

"We've all been wanting to visit your hometown with you, but none of us thought that we'd all be sitting in the plane heading there right now!"

An arm wrapped itself around his shoulders in a warm half-hug. His eyes widening slightly, Natsuki turned and chuckled as Reiji took his hand into his own and squeezed with a warm smile.

"Honestly, I'm so, so happy that Satsuki-chan and Shiny-san gave us this chance to go to Hokkaido as a group and piece together the missing parts of your past. I was real scared for a moment thinking that Shiny-san would make you go alone, so I was real relieved when he said that he was letting us all come with you, our sweet Nattsun!" Reiji pouted. "We would have been super lonely without you, you know! One day is too long and this is one _week_ we're talking about!"

"A single glance in Reiji's direction was more than sufficient enough for me to tell that he would have persistently insisted on coming with you if Shining-san did not allow it," Ai remarked, looking up from his laptop. "I am 100% certain that Reiji would have bribed him with an immense number of Kotobuki bentos if it meant Shining-san allowing all of us on the jet."

"Even if we didn't get the old man's blessing," Ranmaru stated with a loud yawn, his arms crossed behind his head, "we would have barged our way in. 'Cause since when did not getting his permission mean his decisions were final?"

"You are aware that he could have hidden security cameras in his own jet, are you not?" Camus inquired, raising an eyebrow as he stroked the fur of a sleeping Alexander on his lap.

"And you do know that I don't care, right? And even if he did, he'd be barking with laughter 'cause he knows that we'd do it without so much as a second thought."

Camus chuckled. "Point taken."

Ai laughed quietly. "I do not disagree."

"Yep!"

The afternoon before, when they were in Shining's office, upon the senior's proposal for Natsuki to leave for Hokkaido, Shining had proceeded to explain more about his contact with Satsuki. On the first night that he reached out to the Shining Agency head, Satsuki had told Shining about the four violin pieces that Natsuki was progressing through one by one. He had stated that the order was specific and that once the suffering relating to the third violin piece, "Shadow of Stars", was deemed to have been understood and overcome, Satsuki wished for one personal request to be fulfilled for Natsuki's sake, asserting that it was necessary to move forward. The request was to give Natsuki time to go to Hokkaido and piece together what he could there while searching for the missing fragments of his past and overcoming his trauma. Although Satsuki did not specify what exactly had happened back when Natsuki was a child, he stated that everything could be traced back to Hokkaido. 

Shining did not mention anything about the rest of QUARTET NIGHT until Natsuki asked. Before Shining could answer, Reiji immediately exclaimed that he and the rest of the senpais all wanted to go with Natsuki. Ai, without a moment of hesitation, stated that it would be most efficient if all of QUARTET NIGHT was in the same place and that there were definitely plenty of idol jobs for the five of them to take at Hokkaido together even if it was not as bustling as a city as where they were now. However, even though Ai began with the most professional points, he soon stopped and with his eyes reflecting a sincere smile, stated that most of all, more than that, he as well as the rest of them wished to go with Natsuki as his closest friends, as his family. And Camus, Ranmaru and Reiji agreed with true smiles on their faces, with all five of them requesting to go together. Shining then laughed loudly, stating that both he and Satsuki had expected this to happen and that the alter ego did specifically request for all of the senpais to be allowed to come along as well. So with a broad smile, Shining had told all five of them to go back to the apartment and pack their bags to go to Hokkaido, where they would be picked up by Natsuki's parents upon arrival at the airport.

The last part of the statement had caused both Reiji and Ranmaru to yell in utter shock.

"The Shinomiyas can really be secretive when they wanna be, don't they?"

Ranmaru remarked, shaking his head with a lopsided grin.

"We had all those video calls with Mr and Mrs Shinomiya and yet they didn't give a single hint that they had been contacted by Shining and knew this was coming. And Satsuki somehow did not get caught by any one of us despite Reiji's bizarre sleeping habits-"

"Ran-Ran!"

"Maybe he found a hole after watching over Natsuki being Reiji's roommate for so long."

"Hey!"

"What about Natsuki?" Camus asked with a mischievous smirk, folding his arms as Natsuki's eyes widened.

"Well," Reiji smiled widely as Ai chuckled, "our kindest Nattsun is really, really good at keeping secrets for us. If anyone asks or even tries to press him, he would just smile and keep quiet. Though now I'm getting really, really curious..." he tightened his arm around Natsuki with a teasing grin, "is there anything you want to tell us, our precious sweetheart?"

"Rei-Rei-"

"Reiji, that is quite ironic of you to ask considering your track record."

"I-"

"However, I believe that all of us have been partly guilty of this course of action in the past," Camus remarked with a deep chuckle as Ranmaru guffawed and Natsuki, Ai and Reiji chuckled. "Nevertheless, at least we have all made clear improvements in regards to honesty and sincerity, correct?"

Natsuki smiled softly as everyone's faces turned gentler. "Yep, Myu-chan. And it's because we are all here for one another; then, now and always."

He looked around at everyone and smiled earnestly.

"And although I've said it yesterday, thank you so much for coming with me. You guys really didn't have to, and it makes me so, so happy that you wanted to be here with me."

"You do know that there was literally no way that we were letting you go on your own, right?" Ranmaru stated, reaching forward to ruffle Natsuki's blond hair with a light smile. "We're here 'cause we wanna be here for ya. We ain't just a freaking band and that's been established long, long, long ago."

"So let's drink to that," Reiji proposed, holding up his glass of matcha milk tea. With one arm draped around Natsuki, he smiled sincerely, his grey eyes glimmering with warmth. "Cheers... to brotherly love."

Ai, Camus, Ranmaru and Natsuki all raised their glasses as well, the five of them smiling warmly.

"Cheers!"

 _Cheers to you too, Sacchan_ , Natsuki whispered in his head as they clinked glasses and the sound rang through the gentle morning. Outside the glass window, the sky was starting to glow with light cracking through dawn in time for the sunrise, a soft yellow, orange and white illumining what had been falling amidst sleep and dreams. Remembering the Gemini constellation as he and Reiji held hands, Natsuki thought of how that particular constellation looked like two twins holding hands, connected as one in the same brilliant night. _Cheers to making you smile and making you proud..._

And from that constellation was born another that may not ever be named by the astrologists... but was dear to all of them and connected them. As their five glasses glimmered under the lights, Natsuki imagined one more glass on the table, that may be invisible but was seen by the heart and soul.

_Cheers... to our constellation._

Otoya Ittoki

"Otoya, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Syo," Otoya immediately answered, flashing his close friend a bright smile. "What is on your mind? Is everything okay?"

The two of them had gotten up early to play soccer in a nearby soccer field. It was a brilliant sunny day; perfect for them to head out for an awesome one-on-one match together. They had duelled each other intensely in a blazing match that had them neck and neck and ended with a draw and them inhaling and exhaling rapidly with their T-shirts drenched and their hearts racing. After some time to cool down and change clothes, the two of them went to a local cafe that was well known for its breakfast menu and milkshakes. Sitting across from Syo in a booth, Otoya took another large sip of his cookie crumble milkshake - which was unbelievably delish - as he waited for Syo to answer. Stirring his cookies 'n' cream milkshake, Syo heaved out an exhale and faced Otoya with an expression that immediately made the redhead worried for his friend.

"Don't think that I'm asking this out of spite towards anyone, but..."

Syo sighed again, his voice lowered.

"I wanna know what you think of Natsuki. Honestly."

Otoya's eyes widened in surprise, but he chose to not question it for now and began to ponder over his thoughts. "Um, well... Natsuki is definitely one of the kindest guys I know!" He lit up as he began chattering. "Kind, honest, bright, innocent... He has the soul of an innocent child and a big, warm heart! And it is reflected very, very much in every song that he sings and touches. I know that he could be pretty destructive in terms of his cooking, but everything he does is for the sake of everyone he loves and cares about, and that heart of his is what I admire about him the most. And the facts that he can talk to any animal and that he can sing so many genres are also amazing! And-"

Otoya stopped, mentally slapping himself for being so loud, and became worried when he noticed Syo's eerie silence as the younger boy stared down at his drink.

"Err... sorry, Syo. Did I talk too much?"

"No, it's not that," Syo answered, shaking his head as he clenched and unclenched his hand on the glass. "You didn't say anything wrong either. I asked you to be honest and I could tell that you were. Even if you tried to lie, we both know that you're awful at lying."

"Uh..." Otoya smiled sheepishly, stroking his cheek. "You're not wrong..."

"So I'll be honest, Otoya."

Syo shook his head and grimaced.

"I have not been sleeping well ever since that meeting... ever since Reiji slammed what he truly felt about everything right at my face like that."

Reiji Kotobuki

_I know that Nattsun has told us on more than one occasion that he would love for us to come visit his hometown together, but..._

Reiji could not help but stare with widened eyes, his heart skipping a few beats.

_It still feels like a dream... to actually be here. I... I really am not dreaming, right?_

The Shinomiya farm was located in the countryside of Hokkaido, surrounded by layers and layers of greenery and multi-coloured flowers under warm spring sunshine and a vivid azure sky. It consisted of a sizeable three-storey house that was simple and beautiful on the outside and was warm and cosy on the inside, a large red barn, and fields of crops, grass and flowers as well as even a small vineyard. Filled with the melodic chirping of birds and the myriad of sounds from the cows, horses, squirrels and other animals, the atmosphere was lively but even as ironic as it sounded, also held a pure serenity that the bustling parts of the city did not have. Countless birds of different kinds as well as the roaming animals and Natsuki's pet dog Elizabeth had already been waiting by the time the car pulled over in front of the house, and Reiji would be lying if he were to say that a bright smile that was near tearful had not spread across his face when they all welcomed Natsuki home with voices filled with pure happiness and the latter smiled with eyes glowing with pure softness. Despite being here for the first time, all of the senpais could easily see why Natsuki mentioned his hometown with such warmth in his eyes and voice: he was truly loved here.

Once inside the house, the first thing that the members of the quintet had to settle was the roommates dilemma. With there being two available rooms for the five of them to stay in, with one being Natsuki's bedroom and the other being a guest room, each having only one bed, the five of them had to discuss who would be not only roommates, but also who would share a bed with whom. Camus and Ranmaru had adamantly refused to share a bed with only each other or have Reiji as a sole bedmate, to which the latter had protested. Thankfully, Natsuki and Ai were happy to room with anyone, so they would be in different rooms, relieving the normally-bickering duo. The rest was settled with a game of rock-paper-scissors, with whoever choosing two of the same gesture rooming with Natsuki in the latter's bedroom, and so while Ranmaru and Ai would share the guest bedroom, Natsuki, Reiji and Camus would be together. 

While unlocking his luggage bag, knowing that they were in no rush given that they had the day off, Reiji took the time to look around the bedroom again, a sincere smile settling into his heart at how it resembled its owner so dearly much. "Warm" was definitely one of the best words to describe the room. The walls were painted in a dreamy pink, orange and yellow, the colours of a beautiful sunset, complimenting the wooden brown furniture that were adorned with artificial flowers such as blue clematis, purple hibiscus and white lilies with their verdant leaves. Behind the cupboard's glass were a few tea sets that Reiji was unsure he had ever seen before and he chuckled when he looked at the multifarious cute plushies on the windowsill, ranging from a small elephant to a large puppy, inwardly thinking of how adorable his best friend was.

Next to the constellation night light was the bed. Reiji knew just by looking at it that that one bed was definitely large enough to fit himself, Natsuki and Camus - even more than large enough, actually. Natsuki's parents were more than kind enough to already prepare additional pillows tucked in covers that matched the bed's design: a deep midnight-blue sky with multi-coloured stars and constellations. Opening his luggage bag, he took out his star plushie first and propped it onto the right side of the bed, with the three of them agreeing that Camus would be on the left, Reiji would be on the right, and Natsuki would be in the middle. Alexander barked as he played with Elizabeth, the two dogs pawing at each other happily. Observing their pets, Camus chuckled and Natsuki smiled brightly, the warmth shared between everyone swelling Reiji's heart.

"Natsuki, your pet dog is female, correct?"

"Yep, Myu-chan."

"If Alexander falls in love with her, I am holding you accountable."

"E-Ehh, why?"

"Because she is your pet. I believe that it is a completely valid reason."

Camus smirked mischievously as Natsuki chuckled with his cheeks a bit pink and Reiji laughed. Yellow curtains flowed gently in the spring breeze that slipped through the open windows, the sunshine dipping down onto the large, oval-shaped green rug that resembled lush grass and the mahogany wooden floor. Curious, Reiji stepped towards the window on the right side of the bed and gazed out, wondering what he was going to find, and his heart immediately thumped at the sight of how beautiful the surrounding countryside was. Countless beds of flowers were layered over hills and land and surrounding the area were thick, dense forests with verdant treetops, with a myriad even filled with more flowers. The sheer difference in scenery made him realize all over again how faraway he truly was from bustling city of streetlamps and traffic, from the amusement park and its Ferris Wheel, their favourite cafe, the timeless river and countless other things. Even the air felt cleaner and fresher, cold without being too cold, with a deep, comforting serenity that the city could never hope to duplicate.

_It really does feel like a dream. So beautiful and yet so, so faraway..._

The sounds of the sea, the recollection of seashell resonance, drifted through his head like the waves in a dream that he could not control or truly touch. This house, this bedroom, this countryside, this scenery, coupled with the memories that he did not have to truly focus on in order to recall... It was overwhelming his heart.

_Yet that one scenery still overlaps with what is not really there, something absent from both here and the view of the apartment... I thought I was gonna be able to keep it in check, I really did, not let it fill my heart like this..._

"Rei-Rei?"

A hand wrapped its fingers around his shoulder and gave a soft squeeze, gently startling Reiji out of his silent thoughts. His eyes widening, Reiji turned to Natsuki, who was facing him with pure concern in his kind green eyes. 

"Are you okay?" His voice was soft.

"You appear to severely lack concentration," Camus remarked from behind Natsuki, crossing his arms with a slight frown creasing his normally-placid features. Reiji had not noticed him or Natsuki approach him or even heard the dogs leaving the room at all, and the thought of how overwhelmed he must have been made his heart sink a little. "I have a couple of hunches in mind, but Natsuki and I would like to hear it from you."

"Is it those dreams that you have been having?" Natsuki asked quietly, reaching out to squeeze Reiji's hand, intertwining their fingers together. His voice grew softer. "Of Aine-kun?"

"We are completely aware that you try not to mention Kisaragi often, but that does not mean that reaching out to any of us about him is not valid or will cause any harm, Reiji."

"Yep."

"You guys..." Reiji started, letting out a quiet exhale as the sunshine seeped down onto the ground, "you hit the mark right there; can't lie about that. You're right. I have been seeing him in my dreams and being haunted by the memories even during the day, although I don't mean for it to happen just like that. Ever since I wrote that prologue, that writing about the feeling of wanting to disappear, so much has happened and you could say that... it really wrenched my heart, all while leading me back to him and what it felt like to lose him."

"That's why you looked so sad when you were gazing out at the water when we were in the plane, isn't it?" Natsuki asked, smiling sadly.

"I didn't say it then, but when you caught me there, it really felt like a dead giveaway," Reiji admitted, rubbing the back of his neck with a pained smile. "You cheered me up and even managed to distract me with your warm heart, but I honestly felt like I was bringing sadness to this trip of ours when it meant so much to you. I didn't want to worry any of you. Being here with all of you honestly feels like such a beautiful dream, and I don't want my problems to ruin t-"

"Rei-Rei, do you know why dreams feel so soft and fluffy, like a fairy-tale?"

Natsuki's voice was gentle, his words surprising Reiji. 

"Dreams feel that way because of what they began with: sadness. When you think of a dream, a precious dream, you think of all the colours and things that you know and love, that warm your heart more than anything, and all of them are what your dream is made of. We dream because we know what it is like to fall deep into sadness, to drown in grief, to be unable to see past the cold dark. We can dream the softest of dreams... because we are afraid of the coldest of them all. And when the sadness wells up in even our warmest dreams, it can hurt even the strongest of people, so, so much."

"Even dreams have their share of sadness, Reiji."

Camus stated, his ice-blue eyes softer than usual.

"While I agree that all of us being here in Hokkaido would make for a pleasant dream at night, I would also like to add that your sadness being a part of our memories does not define the memories as entirely saddening times. The thought that you confiding in us would ruin this trip is a foolish one that you need to omit out of your mind of possibilities. Moreover, now that you have given us a clearer picture on what has been affecting you," his lips offered a slight smile, "we can help you overcome it, precisely like how one ventures deeper into a dream. You agree, do you not, Natsuki?"

"Yep, of course, Myu-chan." Natsuki smiled warmly, nodding as he gazed into Reiji's eyes. "So leave it to us, alright? To all four of us, Alex-kun, Mum, Dad, everyone. Because we want you to be the happiest that you can be, whether in a dream or not."

"Indeed."

His heart quivering with pure emotions that threatened to break free, Reiji did not stop his lips from spreading into a soft smile as he pulled both Natsuki and Camus into a big hug and nodded. "I love you, Nattsun, Myu-chan. All of you." Both of them hugged him back, with Natsuki running a hand up and down his back gently and Camus giving him a firm pat, and it brought warm colours spreading deeply inside of his aching heart like the glow of a warm sunset seeping through the sky of a dream.

_I am here. I did not disappear._

When they pulled away from the hug, Camus stated that he would check on Ai and Ranmaru, remarking that it had been a while since they last heard from the two. As Camus left the bedroom, Natsuki's green eyes began to sparkle as a thought flashed across his head. Reiji watched curiously as the younger blond headed towards the windowsill and his eyes widened when Natsuki reached for a large brown teddy bear wearing a white T-shirt and unbuttoned yellow vest. 

"Rei-Rei!"

Beaming brightly, Natsuki held out the gigantic teddy bear and held it out to Reiji.

"Do you want to give it a huggie?"

_But I can't just fall away and disappear into my dreams either._

Chuckling softly, Reiji held out his arms and hugged the big teddy bear, immediately melting into its warm, soft fur. Looking at Natsuki again, Reiji pouted playfully. "Don't I get a huggie from my soft, precious Nattsun too?" Natsuki's eyes widened in surprise as his cheeks turned a bright red, causing Reiji to laugh. Smiling shyly, however, Natsuki spread his arms open and chuckled earnestly as Reiji dove right into the hug and they fell backwards onto the bed, a movement that was as swift as it was warm with pure joy.

_Let's just call this a dreamlike reality for now. I believe that's only fair if we're speaking of the word "truth"... even if dreams still terrify me._

Ai Mikaze

"Ai, you kept all the writings in that file, right?"

"I did," Ai answered, slipping a thin, translucent lilac file out of the front of the luggage bag. "I have also made certain that Natsuki did not forget his music sheets, as well as programmed the GPS to lead us to our much-required destination later in the day." He held the file out to Camus, who took it with a nod of approval. "I had my suspicions during our flight, and what you have told me only proves further that it would be best to visit that particular place tonight."

"For someone who gets lost often, Natsuki has a real sharp memory when it comes to the parts of his hometown," Ranmaru remarked, sitting up against the bedhead of his and Ai's shared bed. "And thank God he does 'cause we need it. Reiji needs tonight and for all of us to be there with him tonight, and that's what we're gonna give him."

Ranmaru shook his head, his eyes narrowed in concern.

"As much as I still think our boss is crazy, thank God he gave us the day off. We all need it, especially Reiji."

Ai and Ranmaru had been unpacking their belongings, with the former's bass occupying part of the pink sofa, when Camus knocked on their door and entered. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Camus had proceeded to inform them about what had happened in Natsuki's bedroom. Everyone had had their own concerns regarding Reiji, with a number of recent events having wounded his heart deeply. From the written prologue about disappearing to the nightmares about Aine to the excruciating confrontation at Shining's mansion, Reiji had been suffering in the darker corner of his heart, even though he was evidently trying to overcome his pain and be able to truly smile. Standing near the study desk, Ai silently remembered how lost and saddened Reiji had looked when he was gazing out the plane window, knowing that he as well as the rest of QUARTET NIGHT had been noticing that same expression more than enough times to be this worried about the brunet. 

_He is living what he considers to be dreamlike, but his heart is confined amidst a faded wonderland_ , Camus had mentioned with his ice-blue eyes closed. _You could even say that he is alike an Alice lost between reality and dreams._

"Say, a thought came by."

Ranmaru spoke up, frowning slightly.

"We're planning to head for the place tonight, right?" Ai nodded as Camus grunted, and Ranmaru nodded curtly. "Exactly. So here's my question. Are you really sure that Mr and Mrs Shinomiya will allow their son to go out late at night now that he's here? Not only that, but will they be fine with _any_ of us going out that late? I know for a fact that they've known way before us that Shining would give us the green light to come here, so they must have planned way ahead. So-"

"There may already be plans for tonight, Ai finished, nodding in understanding. "However, while I understand your concern, Ranmaru, I am certain that both of Natsuki's parents will understand if we explain that the five of us need to go somewhere else alone tonight."

"This, however, leads to another issue," Camus stated, raising a hand with a grim expression on his face. "In order to ensure that there are no misunderstandings, we undoubtedly need to explain ourselves to Mr and Mrs Shinomiya. The question is: How do we do that without a certain Kotobuki Reiji overhearing or eavesdropping on the conversation? You know as much as I do that he can be crafty in terms of these kinds of situations."

"Natsuki is with Reiji now, so our kiddo can buy us some time to go downstairs and explain, right?"

"Natsuki does not know the issue here, so it is likely that the two of them will end up coming outside of the room and look for us given how much time has passed ever since Camus first came here."

"So at least one of us needs to keep watch."

"I would most prefer for it to be Ranmaru. It would be best if the people who converse privately with Natsuki's parents are myself and Ai, who have utmost comprehension on how to be and not to be discreet."

"Is that a jab at me, you ice prick?"

"Ranmaru, Camus-"

A few knocks were tapped against the door. Glancing at both Ranmaru and Camus, Ai approached the door and opened it, revealing Natsuki's father. "Mr Shinomiya."

"Nacchan and Rei have been pulled down to the kitchen to help Nacchan's mum fix some homemade hot chocolate for everyone," Mr Shinomiya told them, smiling brightly at them. He undoubtedly had his son and wife's warm, soothing aura. "I was coming by to check on the three of you as there have not been much noise coming from this room. Do you want to come with me and join everyone else in the kitchen? There will be biscuits and cookies too."

"We will most certainly join you and everyone else," Camus answered, smiling slightly. "However, if you do not mind, the three of us sincerely need to talk with you about an important matter."

"That can definitely be arranged, Myu," Mr Shinomiya responded with a warm smile, ruffling Camus' hair affectionately as he closed the door. Ranmaru failed to stifle a laugh as Camus fixed his hair, with Ai smiling in amusement. "If it's just you three talking to me, is it safe to guess that it's about Nacchan or Rei? Or both?"

"Both, technically, though we would have gotten Natsuki to be here too if it wouldn't cause the plan to be found out by Reiji," Ranmaru answered as Mr Shinomiya took a seat beside Camus. "Reiji's been feeling really off lately. The four of us want to take him somewhere for the night to help him heal, but we were worried that you and Mrs Shinomiya already have plans, and we didn't want to force you to cancel anything on us."

"Does this involve drinking?" Mr Shinomiya inquired with a raised eyebrow, causing Ai and Camus to chuckle as Ranmaru grinned.

"No, but a little alcohol wouldn't hurt either, right, sir?"

That earned them hearty laughter from the senior, and it warmed Ai's heart. _I remember how I used to believe that I could not dream. How I thought that I would never get to feel what it is like to fall asleep and find myself lulled into a world created from unconscious imagination, only to be pulled out of that same world when reality came slipping back, whether it is a nightmare that we are afraid of having when we close our eyes, or a serene dream that we are fortunate enough to have on nights that are more often than non-existent. And having directly experience both kinds of dreams... I have to admit that I understand why dreams can terrify those who have them._

"If you boys feel like you need to return the favour," Mr Shinomiya's eyes glistened, "my arms are open and welcome for more hugs!"

"Well, sir, I know for a fact that Ranmaru would most definitely love to have the honour to accommodate your wish."

"Wha- You do know that I was already crushed into a bear hug first thing in this city's airport, r-"

"Don't be shy and come over here, Maru!"

"Ahh!"

Ranmaru screamed as a happy Mr Shinomiya pulled him into an exceedingly-tight hug with a bright smile spread across his face, the rocker flailing in his arms as Camus chuckled and Ai tried to stifle a soft laugh. _But as terrifying as dreams are, the fear of having them often originates from the fear of losing your way, or even your own self, in that dream, especially when it reflects a situation involving dilemmas, confusion or even pain and grief. And I may not be the most experienced or knowledgeable in regards to dreams, but... I believe that deep inside their hearts, the majority of people who wind up lost in their own dreams want someone to find them and guide them back to the surface, to give them a reassurance that they can hold and believe in._

Ai's eyes widened slightly when Mr Shinomiya tousled his teal hair vigorously, a gesture of fatherly affection. Even though it brought the memory of a particular doctor, a fatherly figure whom he had not heard from ever since last March 1, twinging his heart a little, Ai felt his lips soften into a slight smile as Camus patted him on the back with a smile of his own and Ranmaru grinned, appreciating this form of closeness - something that he had formerly been too afraid to even consider imagining having.

_Let us find you and give it to you, okay, Reiji?_

Cecil Aijima

"Who do you think is the most unreadable in STARISH?"

"Definitely Tokiya!" Otoya answered immediately, causing Ren to laugh and Masato to chuckle. "He hides everything behind the perfectionist part of him! Trust me when I say that I've tried so, so many things to get him to soften and open up, but they almost never work!"

"I think that you need to find methods that are less overlapping with his definition of 'annoyance'."

"But I don't try to annoy him! Well... most of the time. M-Maybe sometimes...?"

"Oh, Ikki..."

Cecil laughed as Ren ruffled Otoya's hair. For their day off, Cecil, Otoya, Masato and Ren had decided to go around the city, with each of them choosing a place that they wanted to visit. They had invited Syo and Tokiya, but while Syo already agreed to meet up with his twin brother Kaoru, Tokiya was already booked with some personal plans of his own. Sitting in a quaint Japanese cafe that they had stumbled across in a quieter part of the city, they decided to bond over their feelings about everyone in both STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT, agreeing that it could relieve some of the tension that had been building between the two groups lately. As Masato had said, _Honesty is an option that more people need to accept._ Sipping his chocolate milkshake, Cecil nearly burst out laughing when Ren teasingly imitated Tokiya's stoic appearance and Masato choked on his matcha latte, with Otoya shaking his head with laughter. It sincerely was a pleasant change of pace, and Cecil was truly grateful to Shining for allowing them this day off.

"What about QUARTET NIGHT?"

Masato inquired once everyone had calmed down, not without giving a dirty look to a grinning Ren.

"I find this topic interesting... given how distinctly unpredictable all of them are."

QUARTET NIGHT. Cecil smiled slightly, remembering how everyone except Ren had been stunned by Shining's announcement in the morning about how the quintet would be in Hokkaido for one week. Ren, who had been requested by the quintet to look after Eli and Yuuto - Natsuki and Ranmaru's juniors respectively - and to not break into the apartment, had smirked proudly watching the reactions and laughed at their complaints about him not telling the rest of them. 

_What?_ Ren had laughed when Otoya shook him on the shoulders. _No one asked. So I thought that I'd wait and see how you would react when sensei let the cat out of the bag._

Ren was unbelievable.

"That's a tough one, Hijirikawa," Ren admitted, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "Honestly, it isn't easy to tell what goes on in anyone's minds, but all five of them can be really complicated to figure out. Even Ran-chan, who may come across as a simple bass-loving man with a short temper, is really good at hiding how he really feels when he wants to."

"Even?"

"Come on. I didn't say he was the easiest to figure out!"

"If Kurosaki-san were not on the other side of the country, he would have punched you in the face by now."

"And honestly, Natsuki is hard to figure out too," Cecil admitted just as Ren opened his mouth to retort, smiling faintly. "He's so kind and gentle, but that's not all he is." His smile softened with emotion. "I may be a little late, but I'm glad that I understand that now."

"Likewise, Aijima," Masato agreed with a faint smile.

"That's just like Rei-chan."

Otoya spoke up, his voice sadder than before, and Cecil's eyes widened. The redhead was smiling weakly as he stared down at his plate of curry rice, his eyes reflecting the emotion in his words. Masato gave him a concerned look as Ren pulled Otoya closer and draped an arm around the shorter boy's shoulders, all of them worried for their close friend. "Ikki?"

"I've been thinking about this for a while now," Otoya confessed, spooning at his rice, "and what Syo told me earlier got me thinking even more. Rei-chan's usually so kind, so helpful and nice, and honestly can be really sweet, like a big brother, but I've learned for the past months that there's a part of him that he does not usually show. Someone darker, sharper and knows much more than he lets on."

"I still remember that time I saw Reiji-senpai punch Tablo Ozrock in the face for hurting Natsuki," Cecil mentioned, shivering a bit at the memory of the dark anger smouldering Reiji's normally-cheerful face and voice. "As different as he and Natsuki are, one thing that is the same about them is that they are often assumed to be so patient, simple and kind to the point that they are the ones taken for granted by the people around them." Exhaling, Cecil smiled sadly. "They are much more than just happiness. They have their own sadness too."

"Kurusu truly pushed Kotobuki-senpai's patience past the limit during that meeting," Masato stated, his blue eyes grim. "I do not believe that the memory of seeing his blithe persona dissipate in such a way would ever be forgotten by any single one of us, because of how drastic of a change it was. It is truly shallow for anyone to believe that a person with such a bright existence is incapable of feeling so much as a drop of anguish. The later such an important lesson is learned, the more that kind of person is bound to suffer."

"I think that of all the things that Bukky, Shinomi and the others have taught us," Ren remarked, his eyes reflecting a genuine smile, "one that is most important among all of it is empathy. It gives more meaning to the line 'You can't judge a book by its cover', because we aren't supposed to judge things just by how they look. There's more to a person than how they look on the outside. I mean, as flirtatiously handsome I am on the outside-"

"But you are handsome!"

"Please do not encourage him, Ittoki."

"Compliments are never not welcome, Hijirikawa," Ren stated, winking at his childhood friend who could only sigh. "But going back to what I was saying, you all know that my looks are not all that I am, just like how the way you all look are not all that you are. Shinomi and Bukky are two of the best examples of that. They are judged and yet they never judge back, because they are wise and kind enough to understand that important concept. I never actually talked much in depth about this to them or the other senpais, but..." his smile grew warmer, "I think that's why QUARTET NIGHT has been growing stronger and stronger all this time and is lauded by countless of people, even those who have yet to become their fans."

"Rei-chan used to hope that QUARTET NIGHT could be more like us, like STARISH," Otoya mentioned, closing his eyes with a contemplative expression that was considerably more serene than his downcast gaze. "Back before Natsuki joined, Rei-chan used to talk about how close the juniors were and say how much he wanted that closeness, no matter how impossible it seemed with how cold his band members acted. But now... I think that he's got it mixed up all along."

When Otoya opened his eyes again, a sunny smile spread across his face.

"His wish just needed time to reveal itself to have come true. Because right now, so many bands all over the world want what he has: a group where every person would go out their way to be there for everyone else, both outside and within work, with a closeness that keeps growing brighter and brighter. No matter which side of him he shows to everyone else. And we..."

Remembering the dark memories of the time Otoya went rogue in order to force Natsuki to go back to the dorms, comparing it to the way his best friend was now, Cecil could not help but smile earnestly, moved by the redhead's growth and sincerity. And looking at the gentle expressions on both Masato and Ren's faces, Cecil could tell that everyone at this table shared the same thoughts and emotions.

"We're the ones who need to learn from that. The six of us in STARISH... We're the ones who can look at them and learn... how to make sure everyone's hearts remain beating and alive with one another. All while we make all our dreams come true."

Reiji Kotobuki

Just like how the most peaceful of dreams were often the ones most forgotten once his eyes opened, it was really unfair how time flowed by the fastest when his heart was near overwhelmed with the brightest of colours and memories, as well as laughter and smiles.

Reiji's fatigue from the morning flight was forgotten as soon as he immersed himself in a flurry of activities involving everyone in the quintet and Natsuki's parents, starting with a warm, casual chat over homemade hot chocolate and freshly-baked pistachio cookies and coffee-flavoured biscuits in the living room. The Shinomiyas then led all of the senpais in a tour of the entire farm, throughout which countless animals such as cows, birds, sheep, goats and horses greeted them in their own ways, and pointed out the different forests, meadows and other parts of the large area. Reiji had laughed when one of the brown horses, Oakie, nuzzled his head against Reiji's face and he had ended up taking him horseback riding along with everyone else, with Ai being taught by Natsuki how to guide a horse. All of them had gone to a cafe with scrumptious pastries and amazing lattes and took a look around the city, visiting places such as the flower shop, tea stores and peaceful gardens, with all seven of them fitting into Mr Shinomiya's car.

"You sure you wanna drive, Rei?" Mr Shinomiya asked with a light smile. "I am more than fine with driving if you are not up for it."

"I want to lend a helping hand!" Reiji answered, beaming brightly as he slid onto the driver's seat. "Besides, I love taking drives, especially with people I love and care about! I'm always driving my sweet green car back at home, no matter where and when!"

"You mean that old-fashioned car, right?"

"It is in need of numerous upgrades."

"And too compact."

"You three are all meanies! And Nattsun-"

"Mr and Mrs Shinomiya, I believe that you have the right to know about how Reiji has a tendency to exploit your son's kindness in order to have a valid defence."

"Wha- No! Save me, dear Nattsun!"

They did not need the most luxurious or grand of things or places for them to enjoy themselves to their heart's content. Neither did they need clusters of people, the loudest of noises, or the flashiest of colours to be able to laugh and smile from the deepest parts of their hearts. The seven of them - Reiji, Natsuki, Ai, Ranmaru, Camus and Mr and Mrs Shinomiya - being together was more than enough to light up the dormant colours of his heart, to let them blossom even in the darkest of dreams. Hokkaido was such a beautiful city, but it would not have warmed his heart nearly as much as it did if not for it being Natsuki's hometown, if not for all of them being here with him.

Now, with the arrows of the clock moving deeper into the night, Reiji quietly relinquished a slow breath that fogged up the sky for a small moment as he closed his eyes and listened to the gentle, sleepless tides of the sea rise and fall, ebb and flow, a sound as melodic as it was near haunting. When was the last time he went to the beach, any beach, this late in a day that would soon disappear and never come back? This place that brought memories welling up as painfully vivid as countless fairy lights rising up into the sky and eventually disappearing while leaving a trail to be remembered. 

"Brimming with vibrant life under the flames of the sun, strangely calm and silent under the light of the moon..."

The scent of the sea drifted like the gentle water against the soft white sand over which footsteps were made and faded away, into his heart that had retraced the feeling of drowning and being drowned over and over again.

"I can't count how many times I have driven to different versions of this place alone... let alone all the times that I have passed this scenery and felt it wrench my heart. Because of how much it reminds me of Aine... and how faraway he is. So you could say... that it is both the most fitting and the most painful place to go... if I want to reflect on the best and worst of me."

After dinner, Ranmaru had suddenly asked Mr Shinomiya if the five of them could borrow his car. Reiji was surprised by the sudden request from the silver-haired rocker, but he was even more surprised that everyone else, even both of Natsuki's parents, showed no sign of being shocked or confused. Ai had given Ranmaru the directions of the location, the address of which Natsuki had inputted into their youngest member's lavender cellphone, while Reiji could only stare in pure disbelief and puzzlement. And when the truth as to where they had taken him unfolded before his very eyes like invisible curtains, his eyes had slowly widened at the all-too familiar sight, even if in an entirely different part of the country.

His heart spreading in and out like a flower blooming and closing in at night, he slowly turned to Camus, Natsuki, Ai and Ranmaru, who were standing right in front of him beside one another, quietly observing and listening to him. Everyone was serious but gentle, even if those two words seemed as though they should not or could not go together, somewhat like a paradox of fate. Fate... Words like "fate" and "destiny" truly terrified him; both then and now. Just like dreams themselves. As their clothes billowed delicately in the salty breeze, Reiji let out another white breath that disappeared too soon into the night and continued.

"To know that you are so far away from someone you cherish so much, that the two of you are on separate paths which you have no idea when they will ever cross... it is much more painful than I could have ever imagined. Every memory, every thought, every dream and nightmare of him... they are each like a ghost of him is coming and going with a smile... a smile that changes each time. Happy, sad, pained, hopeful, broken... all of them never meant to last as I close and open my eyes. I really do not mean to torture myself, to give myself reasons to hate the fact that I am breathing and alive, not like I used to... But from my formerly-dormant heart, the pain rose and fell like the waves here, overlapping before pulling away like the memories and dreams that can never be identically recreated."

Reiji closed his eyes, memories swimming in the darkness that could never be erased.

"It grew all over again when I wrote that prologue, beginning with the words _'I want to disappear'_. It rose more and more the more words spilled onto paper like water from broken glass and before I knew it, the water flooded through my dreams, both during the day and at night. And it slammed into me when I confronted Syo and told him how I really felt in the meeting, before going silent and cold again... too, too close to hollowness. I did not want to lose myself again or fall away from you guys and yet..."

His voice cracked audibly as he slowly opened his eyes, staring down at the waves that reached his feet before being lulled back towards where they belonged.

"I'm so _scared_ of being lost... and losing all that matter the most to me."

The silence that ensued after he was done was suffocating him even as his heart pounded loudly in his ears and chest. Almost as though it was scorning him, time itself grew painstakingly slow as the waves rose and fell again, like the trembling illusions of a magician that was afraid of being exposed. He heard footsteps and his heart faltered, unsure as to what to expect or do. That was when a lilac file was held out to him, the words _"For Reiji"_ written in black marker on its surface. His eyes slowly dilating, he lifted his head and found Ai gazing at him with a soft expression that made his heart quiver.

"This is from all of us."

Ai explained as everyone else approached them, smiling slightly.

"Please read what are inside."

Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus smiled as well and Reiji could only stare in utter astonishment as he slowly took the sheets of paper out of the file, trying not to let his hand tremble like his heart. Turning over the blank sheet, the first writing found was Ai's intermediary writing for the story arc, succeeding Reiji's prologue _Disappear_ : _Intermediary I: Realize._ It was followed by Camus' intermediary writing, _Beginning_ , and Ranmaru's, which was titled _Reveal_. Each of those three writings were messages intended for and dedicated to Reiji, weaved and pieced together by everyone's memories, experiences and emotions. Tears began to well up in his eyes as he read each and every word and kept all of it close to his heart, thinking of how much time and effort they had taken to bear their feelings out like this for him, to heal him, to be there for him. 

If all of the intermediary writings were here, it meant that Natsuki's epilogue was here as well. Letting out a shaky breath, Reiji flipped over the last page of Ranmaru's writing and found Natsuki's writing: _Epilogue: Memories_. Looking up, Reiji found Natsuki smiling gently at him, his green eyes warm with encouragement. Reiji smiled, trying not to cry right there and then, and proceeded to read the epilogue:

_The forget-me-not flowers in the meadows were forgotten in the night because they were hidden in the dark. The falling stars were forgotten because they lost their light and could not be seen in the sky. The fire was forgotten because all that was left of them were silver ashes. It is terrifying to see something so beautiful disappear from sight and then memory. It is terrifying to know that even the most precious of memories can be forgotten and abandoned. It is terrifying to know... that stories of how even the closest of friends, of family, disappear into the dark do exist and break our hearts apart. And now I am terrified..._

_Because I want to remember you... as painfully, painfully much as I want you to remember me._

_And it is not only me. It is all of us, because we do not want to forget you, all of you, as much as you do not want to forget us. Just like how we do not want you to forget us as much as you do not want to be forgotten by us. For all of us... this is for you. Thank you for helping me remember kindness. Thank you for helping me remember that light exists in the dark. Thank you for giving me warm colours to remember with a smile. Thank you for being a memory that will always glow in my sky. Thank you for letting me remember how soft and serene dreams can be as long as their is a heart beating with mine. Thank you for remembering me... even when I disappeared within myself and forgot how bright even darkness could be._

_You could see me in your heart... Can I see you too? Can I see you in my heart?_

The fact that he could hear Natsuki's warm, innocent voice saying all of those words to him in his head and heart did not help keep his tears at bay as they streamed down his cheeks and his lips quivered like the rest of his body was. "You guys..." Reiji's voice broke as he faced all of them, a few sobs cracking through his voice. "You guys opened your hearts like this... f-for me...?" Everyone nodded, with Natsuki wrapping an arm around his back, and Reiji felt emotions tug deeply at his heart. "Gosh... you all didn't have to, but the fact that you knew and did it anyway... You've even got me crying."

"Could you turn the page over, Reiji?"

Camus asked, smiling faintly.

"There are a couple more things for you to see."

Confused and curious, Reiji turned over the epilogue and his eyes widened. _"Shadow of Stars"._ It was the title of the third violin piece that succeeded "Eclipsed Crescendo" and "Bleeding Strings", except that the composition had been rearranged and... there were lyrics, as well as his name on the paper. Blinking in shock, he swivelled around to face Natsuki, who chuckled softly and explained.

"At first, I wasn't sure who was meant to sing this song. I thought that it might not have been me, but then Myu-chan told me to take some time to think again. It was not long after that when I discovered that this song about shadow and light amongst even bright stars... was for the both of us to sing with us taking two roles each: shadow and light. There are a number of contrapuntal parts in the music, as well as echos that may say the opposite of what the interconnecting lyrics say. This song... was meant to be a duet of two people struggling between the blurred lines of darkness and light and I believe... that if I were to sing this... I can have no other duet partner other than you, Rei-Rei."

"He came to the rest of us wanting to know what we thought," Ranmaru added, resting an elbow over Natsuki's shoulder with a lopsided grin, "and we all agreed right away. There is no better combination of two who should be singing this duet."

"Indeed." Camus' eyes were satisfied.

"Correct," Ai stated with a sincere smile.

"And don't forget this last song," Ranmaru said, reaching for the page that Reiji was currently on. "You have no idea how hard it was for all four of us to squeeze sessions between idol work to meet up and work on this arrangement without you suspecting a thing. _And_ to find the right excuses to let Natsuki and Ai go and practise their viola and piano without you trying to tag along. You can be real stubborn as we know it."

"Stubborn or not, however..."

Camus mentioned, his features softening.

"It was more than worth it to create this for you."

Ranmaru turned the page over and as soon as Reiji realized what it was, he felt every last effort to hold back his tears crumble apart and away as he cried. _First the three intermediary writings, then the epilogue, then the duet and now... this..._ Shaking his head as the sobs slipped from his lips and emotions welled up in his heart, Reiji squeezed his eyes shut as he felt Natsuki pull him into a tight hug and all of them surrounded him, hands on his shoulders and back and head, warm tears falling like the invisible lights that only those closest to his heart could see. He could hardly believe it. He really could not and yet he knew that this was truly happening. As he reached a hand out and squeezed at the fabric of the back of Natsuki's soft white woollen sweater, Reiji could feel a deep warmth coming to full bloom in his heart, slowly spreading like the ripple effect that they had all created just for him.

_This really feels like a dream, but it's real and now..._

The waves rose and fell gently, like the curtains closing in on each other.

_I do not feel faraway._

Satsuki Shinomiya

_The constellation is glowing brighter tonight._

Gazing up at a sky that only he could see and exist within, Satsuki felt his own heart beat with a serenity that he may not always have but nevertheless needed and appreciated, the water cold yet gentle in the silent night.

_You made it come alive... and now it is shining for you._

For reasons that did not need to be explained or elaborated on, the Gemini constellation was the constellation that meant the most to the alter ego. And its 85 stars that could be seen before his very eyes were scintillating in the Prussian blue sky with silver lights that were reflected by the tranquil water that Satsuki lied within, his body floating near soundlessly as his chest rose and fell like the waves that were not there. In Gemini's story in Greek mythology, the twins were reunited and connected together in the constellation after memories of sheer suffering and grief. The one alive had been lost without the one who lost his life in the battle, and they were joint together in a beautiful constellation that shone in the night sky for all who gazed upon it, no longer lost.

_You smiled for him and guided both him and me out of the darkness. Now he has taken your hand along with the others and led you back to the light where you remembered how the past, even as broken as it is, is more than capable of making the present and the future beautiful. He needs you as much as you need him, Reiji, just like all of them do. I hated you at first, but really... he loves and cherishes you._

Closing his eyes, Satsuki smiled peacefully as he remained afloat in the silent water, the night air shrouding him like a thick yet unseen blanket of fog.

_Like those dreams that you never want to see end... shine, Reiji. Shine._

Reiji Kotobuki

_What guides me out of dreams is the same thing that guides me out of darkness._

Reiji hummed under his breath as he read the writings and compositions that his dearest friends had given him for the umpteenth time in a row, his mind serene with gentle thoughts.

_It is the heart that I listen to... and you._

As Camus has predicted, Ai and Ranmaru ended up borrowing a large, foldable bed from Natsuki's parents and while their belongings remained in the guest room, moved in with Natsuki, Camus and Reiji. Sitting on Natsuki's bed with everyone else, Reiji smiled gently as Ranmaru shuffled the cards expertly and everyone chatted in soft voices, with everyone having taken a shower upon coming back to the Shinomiya farm. 

_Even as afraid of the words "fate" and "destiny" as I am..._

Ranmaru distributed the cards and Reiji smiled widely as everyone reached out for one.

_You defined them both warmly... by being here, both in my dreams and reality._

"Natsuki, you're giving the order this round, so what do you want Reiji to do?"

"You are more than welcome to be less than lenient towards him," Camus remarked with a slight smirk, and Reiji immediately protested amidst laughter.

"Don't be so mean to me, Myu-chan!"

"I am welcoming of the suggestion. Natsuki is too kind to give you a difficult time."

"Because I don't deserve a difficult time!"

"Rei-Rei," Natsuki began, his voice gentle as he gazed at Reiji, "I know that we just gave you the music sheets today, but if you are okay with it..."

His green eyes glowed with pure warmth.

"Can you sing a bit of the new arrangement of your solo song for us? Of 'Never...'?"

Reiji's eyes widened in surprise as Ai, Camus and Ranmaru's faces all softened. It did not take long, however, for Reiji to smile warmly as he reached out and ruffled Natsuki's fluffy blond hair. "Of course, Nattsun. I just hope that my first time will do you guys' rearrangement justice." 

"Do not utter nonsense when you know as much as we do that you could not sing with a quality any less than sublime," Camus stated with a quiet scoff. Folding his arms, he smirked mischievously. "Do not tell me that you are nervous, Kotobuki Reiji."

"M-Myu-chan!"

"Come on, sugar king. You could do a lot better if you're encouraging the guy."

"And since when do you side with Reiji of all people?"

"Camus is right. You are terrible, Ranmaru."

"Oi, Ai!"

Everyone laughed as Ranmaru protested at an amused Ai, with the two calmest of the group giving each other a rare high-five. When the quintet calmed down, Reiji skimmed through the lyrics and settled with the chorus, which was more hopeful than the first few stanzas of the song. He was not at all the most experienced with ballads, especially in comparison to Ai and Natsuki, but he did believe until now that of all his songs that would be extremely fitting to be made into a ballad, it was "Never...", a song that held much more sadness and meaning than most perceived, with the emotions often hidden behind its upbeat melody. And Ai, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus had rearranged "Never..." so beautifully, and Reiji did not want to change anything in the composition that they had given him.

_People are usually awoken from their sleep by what they hear and what they feel. They are hauled out of even the deepest of their dreams by someone whose eyes and heart are open and calling out to them, whether with their voice or touch. In the darkest of my sleep, I heard your voice overlapping with earnest warmth and radiance. I heard the cadence of your sound, the gentleness of your melody, and you intertwined with my beating heart even as it could not see anything. And even though I was lost in a broken imagination that refracted a painful reality, I could feel you reaching me, holding me, staying with me. Your reassuring hugs, your tender heartbeat, your hand holding mine and pulling me along, every touch, every squeeze, every heartbeat..._

Taking a deep breath and letting it out, Reiji felt his heart grow calmer as everyone watched him with patient and warm expressions, all of them encouraging him without needing to say a word, and tears welled up at the back of his eyes all over again. Silently dedicating this to them, he smiled softly and began to sing.

_You guided me back every time, even when I was so lost and faraway._

" _'Still unfinished, this dream blossoms'_ "

He had been afraid to dream.

" _'Deep within my heart... Like a shining star'_ "

To shine.

" _'Lighting the love in my dormant heart,'_ "

To fall into sleep and dreams.

" _'Warmed by the words, "You're fine as you are"'_ "

To be warmed by someone.

" _'A kiss for your innocent smile'_ "

But as afraid as he had been, it all led to them - all of them.

_To you._

As soon as he was done, his star plushie was propped onto his lap. Chuckling softly, Reiji hugged the plushie to his chest and turned to Natsuki, who, with a true smile, whispered, "You are our shining star." Ai laughed quietly and nodded as Ranmaru tousled Reiji's brown hair with a slanted grin and Camus smiled. Taking in the echos of their laughter and the warmth of their smiles, Reiji smiled sincerely and held out a hand, over which everyone else piled up one hand each, and seeing five arms outstretched towards the same centre, he could not help but recognize how much the sight resembled a star with five ends - a quintet's star.

_The "d" in the word "dreams" is "deeper", just like it is same the other way around. The closer I am to you... the more I have the courage to dream deeper, without losing anyone, not you, not me. Whether I am awoken from a gentle dream or a nightmare, whether I was pulled out of my sleep by your voice or your touch, by my heartbeat... I am glad that I get to open my eyes to your warm, smiling ones._

And when a particular boy appeared in his mind and heart again, even though sadness still pierced through his heart like a cold shard of a fallen star, Reiji could smile as he let the boy, his precious friend, live on in his heart, just like the rest of them were.

_So tonight... cheers... to your eyes._

???

In the cold, beautiful city of London, a Japanese middle-aged doctor was sitting in the living room of a modern and well-furnished apartment with a steaming mug of green tea and a pile of research papers. As much as reading through the papers was a part of his job, he was quite enjoying what the interns had come up with, believing that they had sheer potential in the world of artificial intelligence, given their earnest dedication and hard work. With a faint smile reaching his lips, he was underlining a sentence that needed better wording when a voice travelled into his ears. 

"I think this may be my favourite song among all of them, uncle."

"Ah, you told me that it was difficult to choose favourites with their amazing range of songs," the doctor remarked with a chuckle as he lifted his head from his work to face his nephew, who was sitting on the sofa across from him and taking his earplugs off. "Which song got to be the chosen one, Aine?"

"It is not a ballad, but I think that this could really be one," Aine answered Hakase, looking down at his cellphone. "QUARTET NIGHT has such a beautiful discography, with each of their five members bringing something unique and special both as individual artists and a member of the group, but this song moved my heart the most because of how special it is."

Smiling softly, Aine held out his cellphone for Hakase to see.

"It's this solo song."

Hakase's eyes widened momentarily at the album cover of the brown-haired leader of QUARTET NIGHT, at the title of the song: "Never..." _Of all the songs, Aine chose Reiji's...?_ Even though Aine still did not remember anyone in QUARTET NIGHT, somehow, by some miracle, he was led back to Reiji anyway, to a dear friend that could never be replaced. Chuckling lightly, Hakase complimented Aine's choice, saying that it was indeed a beloved song, and his heart warmed at the genuine smile glistening in his nephew's teal eyes.

_If you were here, you would already be crying with joy, Reiji._

"Uncle."

"Yes, Aine?"

"Do you think I will be able to meet them someday?" Aine asked, his eyes filled with a warm hope that had been absent for years - years that he had spent in an encapsulated bed comatose. "Reiji, Natsuki, Ai, Ranmaru, Camus... Do you think that I will be able to see them in person one day?"

"Aine, dear..." Hakase smiled gently as he reached out to place a hand on his nephew's shoulder, holding back the tears that were welling up at the back of his eyes. "I'm sure that that day will come someday. I don't know when, but it will."

Hakase's voice was quiet with emotion. Emotions that he would never have been able to feel again if not for that beautiful and glowing quintet. If not for all of them, including Reiji.

"And when that day comes... they will be smiling too. All of them, with you."

_"At least,_

_A story in which we're happy_

_Surely,_

_We can make our way into it if we're together_

_Dreams and reality, with the transience of life..."_

\- "Fiction", by Reiji Kotobuki (Showtaro Morikubo) and Ai Mikaze (Shouta Aoi)


	69. Silent Eve

Camus

Innocence. Idyllic. Innocent. Childlike. Dreamlike. 

Words that he had never gotten to feel slipping from his fingers like evanescent snow or vapour as a child, for he had never truly ever gotten to even touch them. In winter lied the snow angels that he had never made in the cold, crystalline white. In spring lied the flowers that never got to bloom in the ruthless cold. In summer lied the puddles of sunlight that never warmed his heart. In autumn lied the fallen leaves of trees that breathed only to wither as the seasons repeated in a cold monochromatic city known as Permafrost that was as numbing as it was frozen in ice. Devoid of love, devoid of emotion, much akin to the heart that the young knight-in-training that he had been carried in an otherwise-hollow chest. No one spoke of words like "innocence" and "childlike" in the Silk Palace. So looking back, he knew for a fact, as cruel as it may sound, that there was no room for a childlike heart to exist in that city bound by eternal winter, even if his physical appearance and age were those of a mere boy.

_They were words that I knew the definitions of, and yet felt distantly foreign. It would not be a false statement if one were to say that they were a reflection of what I felt for my biological family. That is... if the word "feel" is even applicable here. Over the years, I have both known and understood the fact that I would never remember my childhood as one that was or felt "idyllic" or "dreamlike" or any of those other terms, not even for a brief moment of weakness or delusion. It was simply how it was. Yet in present time, in a city where a completely dissimilar boy who has become one of my closest friends grew into the person he is now, venturing to places associated with not my own childhood but his..._

Cold raindrops slipped down the glass windows as Camus gazed down at the yearbook in his hands, his expression softening at the pictures.

_It almost felt like I, too... were truly innocent._

"Do you boys want to see the photo albums?"

"D-Dad!"

"There are more?" Reiji's eyes and voice immediately lit up as Ranmaru grinned, bright with childlike elation. "Any photos of our sweet, precious Nattsun are always welcome with big, open arms, sir! Which, of course, include all pictures of baby Nattsun and child Nattsun!"

"Natsuki, one of your numerous unique personality traits is the fact that while you have a natural tendency of calling countless things and people 'cute', even if they do not fit its conventional category, you never considered yourself 'cute' although it is vividly clear that you are," Ai stated, his voice half-teasing as he chuckled at Natsuki, whose cheeks were dusted a pale pink with his green eyes shyly averted to the table. "This is a prime opportunity to appreciate that quality of yours, and you know as much as we do that we will not allow such a chance to slip from our fingers."

"It is quite the sight to see you blush this profusely," Camus added with a small smirk, deciding to poke fun along with the others. "You are as effortless at flustering the rest of our group as you are at being purely oblivious to your charm. So, I sincerely hope that your heart is prepared as we will be returning the favour in spades, without the slightest bit of restraint." His smirk broadened slightly. "We mean it when we say that part of your charm is your innocent endearment, and we would very much like to explore that even further."

"But... you guys are the cute ones..." Natsuki barely managed to mumble softly, his voice as shy as his eyes, clearly oblivious to the fact that he was proving their point "... not me."

"Aww, Nattsun!"

"Nacchan, dear..."

It was a rainy afternoon in their second day at Hokkaido. After finishing their idol work in the morning, which mainly comprised of interviews and a photo shoot, despite the initial weather forecast of a clear sunny day, cold raindrops had begun to descend from the sky, gradually growing into a heavy downpour. While the seven of them had originally planned to go to the Shinomiyas' favourite ice-cream parlour, given the cold weather, they had decided to postpone the visit and instead, return home and spend quality time indoors. Settling comfortably in the living room with a fireplace of gentle orange and yellow flames, they were having homemade marshmallow hot chocolate while having light, casual conversations and looking through Natsuki's yearbooks. Everyone laughed as Natsuki squeaked in surprise when his mother and Reiji hugged him at the same time, his eyes widening as his blush deepened. His face, however, soon relaxed into a tender smile as he hugged both of them back, pulling them closer as his father laughed warmly.

_There were those who mentioned that they especially loved rainy days when they were spent indoors, especially if the places in particular were warm. A warm place amid freezing rainfall, snugly reminiscent to a candle's small yet illumining glow in the middle of pure darkness. Just like how incandescent memories are able to be interwoven and scintillate with prismatic colours in a monochromatic world._

With a broad, mischievous grin that was near comedic on his usually-gruff face, Ranmaru called out to Camus with an index finger pointed at a picture in one of the older yearbooks. Rain streaming down the other side of the glass like rivulets, Camus stepped towards the silver-haired rocker and chuckled deeply at the picture of a few arts students, at the corner of which a child Natsuki was passing by innocently with an elephant plushie in his arms. "Are you really sure that _you're_ the one who should be calling us 'cute' when pictures like these exist without you even trying?" Ranmaru, who often fell victim to being flustered by Natsuki without the latter even purposefully aiming to, was clearly enjoying every second of the moment as the younger blond shyly stuttered with colour returning to his cheeks.

_At times like these... reminiscing does feel almost like it were a dream. An innocuous dream._

"Come on, boys! You're flustering poor Nacchan all over!"

Mr Shinomiya laughed heartily, patting Ai on the back as Reiji squeezed Natsuki into another bear hug.

"And if we're all here learning more about Nacchan's childhood, how about you boys share some memories from yours, too? Let's start with you, Maru!"

"Me?" Ranmaru nearly choked on his hot chocolate, gaping. "Why does it have to be me?"

"Well, we could always begin with that stuffed bear of yours-"

"Camus!"

"Your teddy bear's name was Christopher, correct?"

"Ai, stop!"

"Oh, so that was the name of your teddy bear," Mrs Shinomiya spoke, smiling softly as Ranmaru spun around to stare at her with a face red with embarrassment. "I knew that you had a cute brown teddy bear, but I didn't know his name. Christopher is a lovely name for a teddy bear, Ran."

"Who told you?" Ranmaru exclaimed as he glanced around at every QUARTET NIGHT member. Camus suppressed a laugh behind a slight smirk as Ranmaru growled. "Camus, I swear if it was you-"

"Rei told me when we were chatting in the morning."

" _Reiji_!"

"You and Nacchan seem like opposites to the extreme on the outside, but you also have a stuffed animal close to your heart," Mrs Shinomiya continued before a glaring Ranmaru could storm over to a laughing Reiji. Her eyes turned gentler as Ranmaru's eyes widened. "All five of you have people and things that you hold dear to your hearts. The stuffed animals are just one of countless examples."

"You don't have to be embarrassed or bashful about it, Maru!" Mr Shinomiya assured with a couple of laughs, shaking his head as he crossed his arms. "If it makes you feel better, Nacchan is not the only one in this family who has his share of plushies. In fact, even we - his parents - do, tracing all the way back from our early childhoods. And I have a teddy bear just like you do; named it after my first bear friend back when I was a kid."

"The name of the teddy bear is Drizzly," Natsuki said, smiling gently, "named after the bear that was born in the gentle rain, whom Dad met in a similar light rain."

"You got it, Nacchan." Mr Shinomiya smiled broadly, raising a thumbs-up sign for his son.

"Drizzly... huh?" Ranmaru no longer appeared to be flustered or angry, reflected by the lack of stirring emotion on his face and the quietness of his voice. His heterochromatic eyes were considerably gentler than before. "Drizzly." The name repeated, slipping out slowly and near inaudibly, he looked at Natsuki's father and a hint of a smile reached his lips. "That's an unusual but at the same time... real rocking name. Kinda makes me think of how miracles are made even under the pounding rain."

"How about I get the teddy bear from the bedroom?" Mr Shinomiya offered, his expression warm as he got up and approached Ranmaru, placing a hand on the rocker's shoulder. "I think little Drizzly would love to finally meet you."

"God... I can't believe I'm letting myself say this, but..."

Ranmaru nodded, his lips curving marginally more.

"Yeah. I'd like that."

Precisely like how the city of Hokkaido was not where Camus, Ranmaru, Ai or Reiji had grown up, the Shinomiya family was not their biological family either. Mr and Mrs Shinomiya were not their biological parents and Natsuki was not their biological brother despite being their closest friend and dearest brother by bond. However, even so, Camus noticed that every single one of them were able to feel at least a warm smidgen of the deep, familial togetherness that the Shinomiyas had with one another - a feeling that the four of them were deprived of to different extents, given their respective backgrounds. Reiji, who had been abandoned by his father, had jumped in pure elation when Mr Shinomiya offered to take him fishing on a sunny day. Ai, who had neither a father nor a mother due to his prior unconventional nature, had smiled softly when Mrs Shinomiya wrapped a warm blanket around him from behind and gave him his mug of lavender milk tea the night before. Ranmaru, who had lost his father and was generally distant from his biological family, had worn a sincerely tender expression when flipping through picture books that Mr and Mrs Shinomiya had offered them to have a look at.

Camus himself, who had never truly been loved for who he was by his biological family, could not deny the drops of warmth falling through his own heart as he returned to his seat next to Ai and observed as everyone, except for Mr Shinomiya who had left to get the teddy bear, chatted in a homely and lively atmosphere that was neither distant nor cold, all whilst the rain continued to pour down outside. As much as he had been severely lacking in physical affection from his biological parents, he had been unable to deny or suppress the emotions welling up in his heart when he was embraced by both of Natsuki's parents, who, exactly like their son, were purely giving in that aspect amongst countless others. 

_Like how I somehow feel like I can touch what it must feel to be an innocent child, even if that never felt to be the case in Permafrost's eternal winter, it does feel idyllic to be in a beloved city with beloved people, even if this is merely the second day, even if the rain continues to fall._

Wearing the soft baby blue sweater that Natsuki had customized for him and given him last Christmas, Camus smoothened its seams and smiled slightly as Ai, Reiji, Natsuki and even Ranmaru took turns adding one marshmallow each into his mug of hot chocolate. "Enjoy the sweets, sugar king." Camus raised an eyebrow at a grinning Ranmaru, but it did not take long for the two of them, as well as everyone else, to chuckle again, their voices reverberating warmly in the cold spring air.

 _Yet... as I think about how beautiful and dear memories like these are to the heart, I remember that the opposite reality, a deeply scarring and wounding truth, exists as well._ Even though true warmth lingered in his soul, the cold was beginning to seep into his heart. _Here, in this city, as well as the childhood that is intertwined with it._

Even though it was true that the warmest of memories could exist even in the darkest of places, to say that the darkest of memories could be traced back to the warmest of places, interconnected by a string stained by a painful crimson that had bled from a shattered soul, was not a lie either, regardless how much one wished it was nothing more than a cold dream or illusion. While all seven of them were sharing moments of warm serenity that would be remembered as precious memories now, without the need for it to be mentioned, Camus silently knew that deep inside their hearts, everyone had not forgotten that excruciating fact. One of the main reasons that Shining had sent them here, after all, to this city of miracles, was to unveil and heal the unspoken trauma of a heart that had suffered in the shadows amidst brightness.

_No matter how bright the place may be, there is always an underlying darkness that exists, regardless if unspoken or unseen._

Although the yearbooks were a part of the warm conversations that they were sharing, intertwined with the school years were also painful memories involving Natsuki being bullied, being isolated and being rejected for who he was. Feelings of being lost, hiding within himself, crying in a heart that strained to be happy. As Camus watched Natsuki approach and hug Ai from behind while looking down at an open yearbook on the table, he quietly hid a sad smile at the contemplation of how much Natsuki could be leaving unsaid deep inside of himself, as well as just what cruelty had been done against him and remained suppressed as sleeping memories in his beating heart.

_That is the painful fact about cruel existence. You do not need to see it or speak of it... to remember that such a cold reality exists within your bright yet vulnerable heart... and that it is your brightness that makes you vulnerable._

Otoya Ittoki

Sitting on the edge of his bed, Otoya propped up his guitar on his lap and strummed the strings to the melody of one of his own solo songs "Over the Rainbow".

It was raining outside. While Ren was taking a hot shower after being caught in the rain, Syo and Tokiya had yet to return home and Cecil and Masato were working on poetry in the living room. Inside his, Ren's and Cecil's shared bedroom, Otoya hummed the melody of his song as the sounds of the guitar lightened the cold and damp atmosphere, resonating amidst the muffled dripping of the rain. "Over the Rainbow" was his solo song for the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project. Because of how much he had struggled writing and composing it, he had ended up being one of the last of the eleven Shining Stars to complete his solo song. Regardless, though, he was definitely happy about how the song turned out, knowing that his journey throughout the project had brought the song from his heart into the light.

_After the rain comes the sun, then a rainbow. A seven-coloured rainbow. That is what the name 'STARISH' represents: a rainbow of seven colours, with one unique colour for one unique member. But even though the number of colours in a rainbow still is seven... the number of members in STARISH is no longer seven. It was for the best, but still..._

Closing his own eyes, Otoya lowered his head.

_Back then, all of us left him in the rain, even as we reached for the sun to make a rainbow._

When Ren told him that Natsuki and the rest of QUARTET NIGHT were staying with Natsuki's parents for the entire trip to Hokkaido, Otoya had inwardly felt a chill running down his spine at the mention of his former band members' parents. Otoya had only met Natsuki's parents a few times or so, but he knew for a fact that both of them deeply loved their son more than anyone or anything. As much as he did not talk about it, Otoya never forgot the time he and Cecil ran into Natsuki's parents on the day Natsuki debuted as the fifth member of QUARTET NIGHT, back in the hallway of Eli and Yuuto's former school. Natsuki's parents were warm and polite to them, but even though no one mentioned it then, Otoya and Cecil could see the painful heartbreak in the couple's eyes. Seeing Otoya and Cecil, two members of the band that had repeatedly hurt their only child, had definitely brought back cruel memories that may not have been brought up, but were unforgotten as much as they were unforgettable. Sometimes it also made Otoya wonder if Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus saw and felt the same when they saw Otoya and the rest of his band members, if that was what Natsuki saw and felt too regardless how kind he was.

 _When the sky is grey and it is raining just like this, I still can't help but remember that day Natsuki and the senpais found out that it was me who had tried everything to sabotage him and force him to return to the dorms and distance himself from QUARTET NIGHT._ Slowly as he opened his eyes, Otoya stopped playing the guitar, a weak smile formed on his face. _I remember how I was so blinded by my thoughts of STARISH that I never stopped to think of how he really felt, of how he would feel. He was so broken when he stared at me in the cold rain, tears falling as he bled both inside and out... because of me. And as cruel as it sounds and is... that was far from the only time that we have been selfish to him._

Otoya turned towards the window as he remembered his and Natsuki's shared duet "Emotional Life", thinking back to memories pouring down like rain. Falling and falling like the tears that had stained Natsuki's cheeks as broken anguish shattered in his kind green eyes under the heavy downpour in an abandoned park, staring at Otoya who had abandoned him.

 _There are times when people ask 'What would it be like to be him or her or them?' If someone were to ask me if I would want to try being Natsuki for one day, to be honest... I'd be too terrified to say 'yes'. Not because he's a bad person - he is_ anything _but a bad person... but because even though we had been too selfish to think of it that way..._

A memory of Natsuki smiling softly as he whispered reassuring words to an injured canary and tended to its wound echoed like a soundless ballad in Otoya's head, a part of the blond that he, just like the rest of his band members, had taken for granted.

_It must be extremely painful... to be Natsuki, because of how warm and kind he is._

Natsuki Shinomiya

It was rare and strange to be the only person inside a vast concert hall. 

Slipping through the immense double doors, Natsuki leaned the tip of his wet yellow Piyo-chan umbrella down against the carpeted floor and gazed down the multifarious steps towards the empty stage. _So this is where we're practising..._ The single thought washed through his head like waves dipped in sunset alongside soft yet heartfelt emotions. Shining had given all five QUARTET NIGHT members the address of the concert hall in which they were to practise for the upcoming STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT concert. The set list had been determined, with Shining taking into account the songs that the two bands had listed in separate forms. While there were sub-unit songs mixing the eleven of them, including Reiji, Natsuki and Ren's sub-unit from Round I, quite a number of songs that QUARTET NIGHT were to perform were sub-unit songs and group songs that the five of them shared, allowing them and STARISH to practise separately from each other for the time being. With the five of them being scattered across Hokkaido with different idol jobs, having finished recording for a radio show, Natsuki was the first to arrive, relieved that he did not get lost on the way to the unfamiliar hall.

Letting out a quiet sigh, Natsuki carefully stepped down the stairs between the audience rows, his footsteps light and barely audible. Outside the small, narrow windows barely touching the warmly-illumined ceiling, droplets of cold rain were beating against the glass that were seemingly thick enough to mute the falling sounds. The fluorescent lamps above him were a warm white and yellow that made the beige wooden platform beyond the countless maroon seats almost seem to be glowing on its own as it remained unconcealed by the silent red curtains parted to opposite sides. Gently placing his folded wet Piyo-chan umbrella against one of the front row seats and his sling bag on the seat itself, Natsuki looked down at his viola case, a wave of emotions cascading across his soul, and raised his gaze back to the stage that seemed so large and empty as he stood right in front of it.

_The memories that I lost are still a fog of sleeping colours and lights, but this concert hall... is so much like those where I had violin recitals as a child... back before I stopped playing and disappeared._

Peculiar yet warm nostalgia enveloped his heart as he slowly opened his viola case and examined the polished brown surface of the instrument that now companioned him along his musical journey. Yet it was not quite enough to hide the icy chill that drifted down his spine like abandoned snow at the sound of the word "disappeared", a word too cold to be seen upon with a smile. Lifting the instrument and its accompanied bow out from the case, Natsuki hugged both to his chest as he looked up at the stage that looked a little too large, at the brightness that held a quiet pain of its own.

_My pain and sadness... ended up separating me and something that I used to hug and hold close to me like this... to the point that I can hardly remember the happiness with it._

Slipping the violin and bow up onto the wooden platform high above ground level, Natsuki jumped and pulled himself up onto the stage, quietly thankful that he was tall enough. Pulling himself up, he took his viola and bow back and stared at the silent and hollow audience, vaguely remembering how all of the audience seats had been filled on the days of the violin competitions that he had competed in with mainly songs that he had composed on his own rather than the classical scores that most followed. 

_May I ask..._

Relinquishing a breath that was shakier than the breath that he let go of when he first entered the concert hall, Natsuki placed his viola over his left shoulder and let his bow lie against the white strings, his figure feeling a bit too small as he stood on the stage where the light gathered, almost like he was the child prodigy with the instrument that he had parted with all over again.

_Why it has to be so painful... both to forget and to remember...?_

With his feet that had stepped and rippled across puddles parted slightly, Natsuki felt the waves of feelings overlap with his heart that was trying to translate every drop of them into words and sound, silent yet overwhelming, like that sea that he still had yet to remember and understand. Nevertheless, holding back a painful smile, he breathed out and began playing the viola in the empty hall, letting his heart take the lead in this cadence that he may not know entirely yet he knew would take the form of a candle's wavering yet persevering flame in the darkness that even the fluorescent lamps and strained smiles could not hide. At once, an acute sense of loneliness drifted through him like the wind that carried the lost petals of flowers that they could never return to. Knowing that he was not aiming to play a specific piece, he lowered his eyes, the viola pressing against his collarbone firmly, and played to his heart's wishes, as overflowing as they may be, memories flowing through his head like the emotions unveiling themselves melody after melody.

_My animal friends were never allowed into the concert halls. Not even the birdies who could have flown in through the windows up near the ceiling. Even the wind and the flower petals that it carried were nowhere to be seen. I don't remember many exact memories of them and me and the violin, but... I know that they were cheering me on from the very beginning._

The melody was uplifting yet tinged with underlying sadness, like it was encouraging the candlelight in him to keep staying even as it soundlessly cried. Knowing that the sky was grey with rainfall outside of this brightly-lit stage seemed to only make the emotions amplify as memories of birds soaring with the wind, causing the petals and leaves to rise from the grass, floated into his head like feathers illumined in the light yet lost in the dark.

_I know that there was a time when I held the violin to my chest and hugged it, even when I was crying alone._

_I loved the violin, after all._

Those words squeezed his heart painfully. When was the last time that he thought to himself those words about the instrument intertwined with too much pain? He did not and could not remember. But he did remember and know that the night before, just before going to bed, he had thought about the five-man group's scheduled practice in the concert hall and ended up thinking back to the violin recitals that he had performed at as a child. _"Loved"... is such a painful word._ Unconsciously, he had hugged a pillow to his chest while thinking, and only realized he had when a soft voice, followed by a hand on his shoulder, asked if he was okay. Shaking his head, Natsuki had given Ai a faint smile, assuring that he was just thinking back to the times when he was still close to the violin. He had been surprised when Alexander immediately climbed up onto the bed and snuggled at his side, and he smiled slightly as Ai combed his fingers through his blond hair with a tender smile in his soothing voice, told him that he was strong enough to overcome his past, that the fact that he was right here proved that he was much stronger than before. Ai, as well as Alexander, knew how to calm him, just like how Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru knew too. 

_"Enough"... a word that can be as warm as "love" and as painful as "loved", depending on when it is said or written, as well as felt... Say... if the "d" in the word "loved" is "disappear"..._

Moving the bow across the strings, Natsuki allowed his eyes to fall to a close as the pitch grew higher, like a falsetto strained against glass, painting a colour intense enough to pierce his heart.

_When my memories were hidden away... did my love for the violin disappear too...?_

_I-_

Images fell into and flooded his head like the pouring rain outside and he barely held back a wince at the image of his younger self's small arms wrapped around a dark brown violin held close to his chest, at the slight tremble of those arms and its hands. It was safe to be in someone's arms and deep down... he knew that there was a time in which he never wanted to lose the violin, that he thought that the violin would always be right there with him. He barely heard the melody of the viola take a slow, melancholic turn as his heart dissolved into the memories, which were now disappearing into a bright blue sky with showers of flowers. White. Pink. Yellow. White. Lavender. Blue. All falling towards him as his gaze was directed towards the sky that he could not reach. The images were partly blurred and concealed by white fog, but still clear enough for him to see, even if he still did not understand them fully. And... were those tears...?

Something watery was blurring the flowers, his eyes.

_When was this and... where..._

And when the tears disappeared, he saw his small arms wrapped in a hug, except that the violin was gone.

_... and why...?_

Squeezing his eyes shut a bit tighter, Natsuki lowered them as the images slowly changed into different colours and lights, memories of a sunny afternoon in a deep forest. Another day that he did not remember. There, he saw a light-brown baby deer standing tall and staring at him with eyes that seemed too hollow and pale, their colour a blue painfully close to white. _She... She is blind..._ He felt a lump getting caught in his throat as he stared at the lone animal in his memories, emotions of pure sadness and loneliness tugging deeply at his heart like a bow at the strings that were too terrified to move. Even though she was blind, the fawn appeared to be staring deeply into his eyes, an expression of familiarity held in her sorrowful gaze. _Did I... know her...?_

The baby deer hung her head, eyes closing, and Natsuki's heart wrenched as the fawn silently disappeared. _Wait..._ A pang of agony pierced his soul like a bleeding knife and the cruel sense of loss washed upon him like cold waves being lulled back to the sea. _Wait... please..._ His fingers curled around his bow and viola when reality leaked into his memories, the soft melody of the instrument flowing as he opened his eyes and found himself staring at the incandescent glow of the lone stage, at the seats that remained empty despite how abundant they were as a whole. Tears threatened to reveal themselves from the back of his eyes as one last lost memory of the fawn being held in a tight embrace by the same small arms that had held the violin appeared in his head before fading into cold blackness that would not have felt as painful without that image. 

_"I fell out of love for life."_

Those words sank into his mind like petals into cold water, but he did not know whose they were. Were they his...? Or the fawn's... or someone else's...? Letting out a quiet yet trembling exhale, Natsuki loosened his grip on his bow and viola, easing the melody to a gentle close that somehow pierced his heart and soul, and lowered his eyes once the sounds had faded away. _"Fell out of love"..._ Moving his viola and bow down to his front, he stared down at the two, his heart enveloped by the silent loneliness of both the hall and his memories, and held them close to his chest, feeling almost like he was the child who was wavering from the violin all over again. Wrapping his arms around his precious instrument a bit tighter, he lowered his head and closed his eyes, too, the feeling of sheer loss too palpable in his chest. _"For life"..._ A single tear slipped down his right cheek and fell onto the ground. 

_Whoever those words were... have they found their reason to live...? To want to live and love living with a beating heart...?_

Soundlessly, he reached a hand up and wiped the trail that the tear had left away, the words echoing hauntingly in his heart without needing to be said aloud. 

_I hope that they're living and smiling. Whether or not that fawn is the one who said those words... I hope the same for her. Because I... I don't want you or anyone... to just give up and fall away... Please... please don't._

"Natsuki."

A soft voice addressed him. Slowly blinking out of his thoughts, Natsuki looked around and found Ai facing him from the right wing of the stage. "Ai-chan." His voice slipped from his lips softer than he meant for it to. Nodding slightly, Ai approached him, spots of rainwater seen on his unbuttoned blue jacket, and stopped right in front of him. He offered a small smile, but his teal eyes were glimmering with pure concern. "Ai-chan...?"

"I was actually here when you were playing your viola," Ai admitted, gesturing at Natsuki's viola. "I didn't wish to interrupt, so I stayed silent. That, however, was when I noticed that this was not just a usual practice round. The way you played... was far too emotional and spontaneous for a practice round, as well as heart-breaking." His voice softened at the phrase "heart-breaking", laced with unveiled sadness. "I would be more than glad to listen if you want to tell me about it. I may not be able to guarantee an immediate solution, but... you're my best friend, Natsuki. I wish to do everything that I can to be there for you."

"You're my best friend too, Ai-chan," Natsuki told Ai, smiling softly as he wrapped an arm around the younger boy and hugged him. "And I want to tell you and I know that you want to be here for me. You really are. But it's almost time for practice and Myu-chan, Rei-Rei and Maru-chan will be here soon. I can wait until practice time is over."

"Natsuki, you should know by now that all of us would immediately drop what we are doing if it means ensuring that you are okay. Which you are clearly not." 

Placing a hand onto Natsuki's back, Ai pulled away slightly to look at Natsuki, a pained smile in his teal eyes.

"You can tell me now if you wish. Even if it overlaps with practice time, I will not stop or hinder you. You know that. Moreover, would you not agree that when distracted by emotional matters, your performance would not be at its most optimum, efficient form?"

Smiling weakly, Natsuki lowered his head, knowing that Ai was right, especially given the countless times in which the five of them had struggled through practice and other situations when their hearts were not in the right place. "Yep, Ai-chan." Nodding slightly, he felt the hand on his back run up and down soothingly as his voice came out as a near whisper. "You're right. But it's... really difficult to understand and really grasp... painful, even. I'm not even sure I understand much myself."

Ai nodded silently, reassuring him that it was okay to continue. His fingers curling around his bow a bit more, Natsuki relinquished a soft exhale and asked.

"What do you understand... about the words... _'I fell out of love for life'_...?"

Almost immediately, Ai's eyes widened in pure disbelief. "Natsuki... where d-"

"No, Nattsun!"

Before Natsuki could even turn around, loud footsteps rang across the stage and a pair of arms hugged him from behind, squeezing tightly. "Rei-Rei?" Blinking in pure shock, Natsuki turned, only to find Reiji hugging him with his eyes squeezed shut tightly, his grip not at all loosening even a little. "Rei-Rei, why-"

"No, I'm not letting you go." Reiji's voice was resolute yet quavering with fear and worry. "Big bro Rei-Rei doesn't want to lose you, Nattsun!"

"E-Ehh...?" Natsuki stared at Reiji in confusion, even though his heart was tugged by his best friend's emotions. "But you're not losing me, Rei-Rei."

"But you just said-"

"This is precisely why we should not assume things, Reiji," Camus stated, heaving a sigh as he and Ranmaru approached the trio with folded umbrellas dripping with rainwater. "However, as much as I could have, I will not rebuke you any further, considering that we, too, were admittedly disturbed when we heard those words."

"If those words already perturbed you, then you should have listened to how he played the viola earlier," Ai remarked, his voice quiet and serious. "Even words would not be enough to describe how painful his melody had been then."

"Guys..." Natsuki averted his eyes away, "I'll really be fine. We can continue this after practice-"

"Nope."

"No."

"No."

"No freaking way," Ranmaru stated, shaking his head with narrowed heterochromatic eyes. "Ditch the idea of putting practice first. We ain't practising a single dance move or note until you tell us what's goin' on in that head and heart of yours. The concert can wait. It's gonna keep hanging over you if you don't do anything about it, and that ain't at all what we want for you, kiddo."

"That was what I said, except that you were significantly cruder in your language."

"Oi-"

"Perhaps we could begin at the part where you asked about the words _'I fell out of love for life'_ ," Camus proposed, his voice calm and succinct, leaving no room for negotiation as his ice-blue eyes met Natsuki's. In those same eyes, however, was sincere worry. "Quite frankly, I believe that we will remain at stalemate here until you speak to us, Natsuki."

Almost as though to prove Camus' point, Reiji squeezed Natsuki again, still showing no sign of letting go, the emotions in his grey eyes unchanged. The memory of the small pair of arms hugging the blind fawn flashed into his head and Natsuki barely held back a small wince at the pain lancing through his heart. Letting out a soft breath, Natsuki decided to start by telling them that some of his lost memories had come back, including about a baby deer that he could not remember and those painful words that he was unsure to whom they even belonged.

_"Fall in love"... a light yet warm breath taken in..._

When Natsuki repeated the words _"I fell out of love for life"_ , his heart broke in his chest a little at the pain that flashed across his four closest friends' faces, knowing how sorrowful those words were.

_But that cold quivering breath taken out... that's what it is to "fall out of love"... isn't it?_

Syo Kurusu

"Kurusu, you are more than welcome to sleep if you'd like."

Masato faced him, his blue eyes concerned.

"I heard that you did not get much sleep last night either."

"It's fine, Hijirikawa," Syo assured, waving his hand dismissively. "I'll survive. At this rate, the matcha that you brewed earlier is helping me way more than every attempt to fall back to sleep. Sleep isn't going to hold me back from giving my A-game." He flashed Masato a grin. "Gotta go full throttle in everything I do, after all!"

"If you say so..." Masato hesitated, but did not question him. "But do be careful to not push yourself over the edge, Kurusu. It will only serve to deteriorate your health further."

"Yeah." Syo sighed, smiling lightly. "Thanks, Hijirikawa."

Syo and Masato were in a taxi, on the way to the recording studio to record a new song with Tokiya, who was already waiting for them there. Sighing again, Syo craned his head over to the car window to his left, watching as torrents of freezing rain descended down the ash-grey sky. He had managed to get a bit _more_ sleep the night before, but his sleeping schedule was still far from normal, thanks to the cold and sharp words of a certain fedora-loving brunet from a fellow five-man band. Internally cursing for being so obvious in his weakness, Syo was determined to get through the rest of the day and show everyone that while Reiji's words did affect him, a fact which he genuinely hated, he was still giving his passion as an idol everything that he had to offer. 

As he leaned back against the backrest, Syo spotted a familiar hospital building outside of the taxi window. It had been years ever since he visited that particular hospital, but... someone he knew had been hospitalized there earlier this year. His heart thudded without him wanting it to and he barely refrained from gritting his teeth at the memory of watching the news in the living room, finding out that Natsuki had been assaulted in an alleyway in the suburbs by Kei Otonami, Hiniki Katagiri and Tablo Ozrock. He remembered how furious he had been at Ren for keeping STARISH in the dark even though he had known before it made the news - as much as Syo hated Natsuki, Ren could have at least told them about _this_ , right? The truth was, however, that Syo was being hypocritical, because even if Ren did not promise the senpais to not reveal anything, why would Ren tell Syo, who had repeatedly gone after Natsuki? But there was something about that point in time that Syo still could not seem to pull away from despite it being months ever since, even though he was the one who made the choice.

Syo did not visit Natsuki at the hospital at all. 

Not even once. Whereas back when they were still kids, when _Syo_ was the one hospitalized due to his heart problems then...

Natsuki visited him every single day he could, trying in his own little ways to make sure that Syo would be fine.

And now Syo was the one hung up on that point in time, even if Natsuki was not.

_I hate this._

He mentally cursed, but for once, Natsuki was not the one he was cursing. Because even if he wanted to, he could not, because it was no use.

It only made Syo feel even emptier inside.

Ai Mikaze

From the time that he was first created as an android until even now, Ai had wished to understand the meaning of the word "love".

Love was quite a universal word that was, more often than not, unfathomable, if not difficult to understand. It was an emotion that was deeply required to be experienced first-hand for utmost comprehension, for love itself was quite impossible to be translated into words to be grasped by even the most knowledgeable of minds. _To know love, you must feel love_ , was what he had surmised at a certain point in time. _Regardless if you are the giver or the recipient._ If Ai were to be entirely honest, during the earliest segments of his life, given how uncertain he was about giving love, he was the recipient majority of the time. It took some time to completely understand it, but he had come to realize just how fortunate he was to be loved deeply. Perhaps not romantical love, but instead, familial love, including brotherly love. 

While he was said to be exceptionally mature for his age, he had to admit that there were a myriad of times when he was reminded of the fact that he was the youngest brother in the five-man group. The glass jar of stars, petals and messages that they and Eli had gotten for Ai was still and would always be one of his most precious items, and from time to time, Camus, Ranmaru, Natsuki and Reiji added even more paper scrolls of sweet and thoughtful messages for him, words that he would forever cherish. It was a warm reminder of how much of protective older brothers the four of them truly were to Ai, just like the memory of that night he had hardly been able to move with his sight and voice gone and he had seen Aine in the last moments of their connection amongst countless others. His endless curiosity about feelings and thoughts that the four of them had always welcomingly responded to, his questions about the world that they would discuss in earnest about whether over a game of cards or hot beverages, the way that they took his hand into theirs and guided him into a warm, precious place of unpredictability, colours and emotions, how they had always been truly kind and giving in their own unique ways... Their presence in his life, as well as heart, genuinely taught him not only what "love" meant, but also what it meant to give and receive love, of how it was a two-way street of honest empathy, sincerity and understanding amid a myriad of elements all in one.

However, even as detailed and meticulous as Ai was, while focusing on what it meant to experience love and be in love... he did not have nearly as much understanding about the meaning of falling _out_ of love... as well as how painful it must feel, regardless for whom or what.

"Rei-Rei, Ai-chan... you guys do not have to accompany me. I'm okay by myself."

"We know, but we're here because we want to be, Nattsun," Reiji answered, smiling softly as he reached forward and squeezed Natsuki's hand gently. "We know that even though you're trying to stay strong for all of us, you are exhausted and in so much pain. We thought that you'd feel better if we were here rather than letting you be on your own. That way, you'd have some warm company. Right, Ai-Ai?"

"Correct," Ai answered, nodding in agreement as he turned off the tap of the bathtub. "Moreover, I know for a fact that we, as well as Ranmaru and Camus, would be even more concerned if we left you alone when your heart is not in a painless place." He offered a small smile. "But do bear in mind that if you do wish to spend some time alone, you can always tell us and we will stay on the other side of the door."

"Yep," Reiji agreed, gently tousling Natsuki's blond hair. "So do you want us to stay?"

"If you guys are really okay with it..."

Natsuki turned to them, his green eyes as innocuous as they were filled with emotion.

"I'd love for you to stay."

It was still raining outside. After Natsuki had confided in Ai, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus about the memories that had come up to the surface, the five of them had eventually begun their practice for the concert. The session had lasted for approximately two-and-a-half hours with short breaks in between, but their sadness and pain, amidst heart-breaking memories, had lingered in the atmosphere between them like cold mist in a blue sky that was straining to shine. Moreover, practising emotional songs such as "Itoshiki Hito e" and "Promise to Sirius" did not help alleviate the pain at all. While Camus was waiting for Ranmaru to finish taking a shower in the guest bathroom, Ai and Reiji had finished their respective showers and decided to accompany Natsuki who was having a hot bath. Natsuki had been the one to let them go ahead and shower first despite them insisting that he could have his bath first and that he was clearly both physically and emotionally drained. 

The fact that Natsuki even _wanted_ to have a hot bath in the first place was not only rare, but also concerning as the only times that he did were when he was either overwhelmed with pure anxiety or in a painfully emotional state. Before leaving to the other room, while Natsuki entered the bathroom, Camus had beckoned Ai and Reiji close and murmured, _I will see to it that Ranmaru returns soon. If anything happens to Natsuki, I trust the both of you to call us immediately._ Ai used to believe that baths were generally a wastage of water, but as he and Reiji watched Natsuki carefully wash himself with hot water, Ai understood why a hot bath was necessary at certain times. The warmth of the water and steam was revitalizing to the body and in certain instances, even soothing to the mind and soul, and Natsuki sincerely needed it. 

Natsuki did not add any bath bombs despite them being a popular trend, instead opting to bathe in only clear water and soap and bubbles. Ai hid a sad smile as he observed Natsuki's green eyes remain averted to his knees, the blond silently scrubbing his shoulder, white foam and bubbles forming with each careful stroke as his skin was reddened slightly by the heat of the water. While it was not the first time that Ai had accompanied Natsuki bathe, he still felt a silent warmth flow into his beating heart at the knowledge that the older blond trusted him this much. Yet it still hurt all the same, for this was Natsuki at a painfully vulnerable state of heart and mind. When Natsuki reached for his bottle of sakura-scented shampoo, Reiji reached forward and took it first, much to the younger blond's surprise. Smiling lightly, Reiji squeezed a large but sufficient drop of shampoo into his palm and scooted behind Natsuki to help wash his wavy blond hair, gently massaging his scalp.

"Even though your parents are coming home and Ran-Ran will be done showering soon, there's no need for you to rush," Reiji spoke, his voice quieter than usual as his fingers threaded through Natsuki's blond locks gently but firmly. "You seriously went all out during practice like it was the actual show. We all really felt that emotional high note you sang towards the end of 'Promise to Sirius'. It even gave us all chills, ya know."

"I just didn't want my forgotten memories to hold back or postpone our practice, especially when we all really need it," Natsuki admitted softly, a small smile tinging his green eyes. "I wanted to give it everything I had. Wanted to stay as strong as I could no matter what."

"You did, Natsuki," Ai assured him, smiling faintly as he squeezed the blond on the shoulder. "But right now, even one brief glance at you is more than sufficient to tell that you are extremely fatigued. And even though you are not verbally saying it, I can tell that so much is happening in your mind right now. While you did release your emotions throughout practice, we know that it does not entirely quell your anguish."

"What Myu-chan said earlier..." Reiji scooped up a handful of water and splashed it onto the back of Natsuki's head, a painful smile forming on his face, "really got to you... didn't it?"

Before practice, the five of them had openly discussed the situation in hand regarding Natsuki's memories as they sat beside one another at the edge of the empty stage. Camus had been the first one to interpret what the words "I fell out of love for life" meant, what their owner may have tried to convey.

"There are two possible meanings if an individual were to say that they 'fell out of love for life'. The first meaning is that they feel not even an ounce of radiance or colour in their own life, seeing no reason to cherish or embrace their way of living and what it means to be alive. The second, however..."

Camus narrowed his eyes in unspoken emotion, as though it anguished him to verbally say what he was about to.

"The second meaning is another way for one to say... 'I wish to die.'"

Even though not a single one of them had been surprised by those words, Ai was not at all certain that it made hearing those words any less painful. "I want to die" was a line that Reiji's character had uttered in one of the earlier segments of the quintet's main project, and none of them could ever forget how heart-wrenching it had been knowing how much it reflected the darker, melancholic side of their best friend. While none of them knew for sure who had uttered the words "I fell out of love for life", the thought that the person could truly have been Natsuki... undeniably cracked their hearts on the inside. Natsuki's lips twinged into a slight wince at the reminder of what Camus had mentioned, true pain reflected in his eyes, and he let out a painful exhale that trembled into the warm air. Ai squeezed his shoulder again, silently encouraging him to tell them what was on his mind, and it took a few fleeting moments for Natsuki to breath in and out again, before finally speaking.

"Those words... 'I fell out of love for life.' I'm not sure whose words they were, but... if they were mine..."

His hand stopped scrubbing his knee, Natsuki's voice was small, a near inaudible whisper.

"Would you guys... think any differently... of me...?"

"Nattsun..." Reiji's eyes widened as sadness swept across Ai's heart. His hands stopped washing soap off Natsuki's hair. "Nattsun, look at me." His expression was filled with genuine sorrow as Natsuki slowly raised his head from his knees. "We love you for all that you are. No matter what you did or didn't do, it's not ever going to change. Even if - and that is _if_ \- those words were really yours and you meant them at any point in your life... it doesn't change how we feel about you at all. We could never stop loving you, our dearest Nattsun... We love you so, so much... ya know."

"There is no possibility that we will think any differently of you even if those words were yours," Ai stated, delicately circling his thumb across Natsuki's shoulder, which had begun to quiver. "Would you think any differently of any one of us if we had believed in those words before?" Natsuki immediately shook his head, and Ai's expression softened. "We know. And the same applies to you. And regardless whether those words belonged to you... we are sincerely grateful... that even though you were in so much pain... you are alive with a bright and beating heart, being your true self that we know and love."

"And we are so lucky that we get to be with you," Reiji said softly, reaching forward to cradle Natsuki's cheek with a small but earnest smile, "to hold you, just like this. So, so lucky."

"We are sincerely thankful... that we got to love you."

"Couldn't have said it better, Ai-Ai."

"And I feel so grateful... and so lucky... that I got to love you too," Natsuki said quietly, his voice wavering slightly as he gave them a small smile that was reflected in his glassy green eyes. "That I got to know you and love you... as much as you know and love me. But that's why... those words scare me this much... why they scare me so much just thinking of them again and again... Especially because I know... that someone said and believed them... even if it wasn't me."

His voice cracked audibly and the breath that he relinquished was painfully shaky.

"And because I knew... that Myu-chan was right... when he said that it could have been a wish... to die."

The first tear slipped out of his left eye and rolled down his cheek, its warmth fading like the water vapour from the tub had. Ai's eyes widened in pain as Reiji wiped the tear from Natsuki's cheek with tears threatening to fall from his own eyes. Staring down at the water, Natsuki reached a hand towards his chest, placing it over the scar of the stab wound from a broken night in a cold alleyway, the glass in his eyes silently breaking as his lips trembled with slow, uneven breaths.

"When I hear the word 'die'... too many times, I keep seeing that night in the alleyway... repeating itself... in my head. I don't mean for it to happen, I'd never... but I can't forget him... that knife... how I couldn't do anything as I bled out... and stared up at the night sky and its moon and stars... and how none of it... could help or save me. I can't forget... how terrified I was... that I was dying... and leaving you guys in this world... without even one last smile or word..." His voice was trembling with pure agony as Ai tightened his hand around his shoulder. "And now... as I think of those words 'I fell out of love for life'... it's so, so painful... to think of what it means and who said them. Because even if it wasn't me... it was definitely someone else... maybe that blind fawn... and I... I don't know if they're alive or living with an open heart... and just thinking of it... it hurts so, so much... and I..."

Natsuki turned to face both Ai and Reiji, his kind green eyes shattered and stinging with tears.

"I... I don't want to die. I didn't want to then... and don't want to now and... I don't ever want that... for anyone. P-Please... I don't want to lose anyone or myself... I don't want anyone... to lose themselves or what makes them h-happy... If it was me and not someone else... it's fine... because I'm here... as long as it w-wasn't someone else... who may not be a-alive... because of i-it." He relinquished a quivering breath, the light in his eyes trembling as tears streamed down his cheeks. "I don't want anyone to d-die..."

Soft sobs cracked through his lips and through their hearts like the shards of a broken mirror.

"I don't want anyone... to stop... loving a-anything... or anyone... I don't want anyone... to be h-hurt... like t-this... even if... even if I can't s-stop it... no matter how much... I wish to."

Ai was uncertain as to whether he or Reiji was the first to cry, but it did not matter as his heart squeezed painfully tight in his chest and silent tears trickled down their cheeks, soft breaths quivering into the air into which white vapour had dissipated. Natsuki reached a hand up to wipe his own tears away, but Ai took ahold of that same hand, pulled the blond forward, and held him gently in his arms, his eyes barely open as warm tears pooled at their corners. Natsuki's breath hitched, a sound that wrenched Ai's heart, and Reiji wrapped his arms around the both of them, broken sobs filling the deceivingly-tranquil air. The touch of warm hands and tight arms, the sight of painful emotions and tears, the scent of flowers that could not be seen, the sounds of shaky breaths and silent cries, the unsteady, faltering heartbeat in his chest... his senses were overwhelmed by the flood of emotions surging through him all at once, like warm water falling heavily into cold, tumultuous waves. Too many times, even if it seemed logically untrue, saying the opposite of a certain word or phrase did not change the pain and sadness conveyed into happiness or warmth.

 _"I am okay."_ A heart-breaking lie.

 _"I am not okay."_ A heart-breaking truth.

 _"Dead."_ A cold, blunt word that should but could not be taboo.

 _"Alive."_ A seemingly harmless yet cruel testimony of the pain that would keep coming as long as a heartbeat existed.

 _"I want to die."_ A dark and broken statement.

 _"I don't want to die."_ Still painfully dark and broken.

"We don't want you to die either." The quiet words trembled out of his lips - something that they knew but his heart felt needed to be said regardless. "And we... we are glad and grateful... that you didn't. Even if there was someone else who did... or someone or even you who wanted to then... back when those words 'I fell out of love for life' were said... it does not at all change the fact that we are truly grateful and happy... that _you_ are _alive_... with us.

The warm water from Natsuki's body seeped into Ai's clothes, but the latter did not mind as he and Reiji pulled the sunshine blond even closer.

"You are alive, Natsuki." His voice was near inaudible. "We are all alive."

"We can't change the past," Reiji spoke up gently, slowly pulling away so that he could look at Natsuki and cradle the latter's chin with true delicacy, "no matter how many times or how much we wish we could. But Ai-Ai is right." His voice quavered, but he kept going. "You're alive and bright and carrying in your heart not only your spirit, but the spirits of the lives you have touched, giving love that not everyone is capable of or willing to give. And all of it... is a bright light that we always need to remember when things get dark."

Thumbing at the tear rolling down Natsuki's left cheek, Reiji glanced at Ai and smiled warmly despite of the tears trickling down his face.

"Like Ai-Ai said... we are alive... together."

Ai nodded with a small smile as Natsuki slowly relinquished a quivering breath, the latter's shoulders trembling along with his silent lips. Natsuki's gentle, leaf-green eyes were barely open, glistening with tears and emotion, as turning his head away, he soundlessly reached a hand down into the clear water that was now lukewarm, ripples undulating, and washed the soap off his body. Even though he had yet to verbally respond to Reiji and Ai, the gaze in his eyes reflected the countless thoughts that must be resonating inside his head, slowly being gathered to be pieced into words. 

A few gentle taps on the door startled him slightly, even though he did not lift his head from the water, and without needing to be asked, Reiji got up and unlocked and pulled the door ajar, peeking through. "We'll tell you guys about it when we're out. Give us some time, okay?" There was a brief pause, indicating that Camus, and most likely Ranmaru, was contemplating whether to request to enter or stay on the other side of the door. However, Camus released a quiet sigh and murmured something to Reiji before allowing the latter to close the door again. "Myu-chan and Ran-Ran are worried too, but they told us to take the time we need. I think they are trying not to put ya in a spot, Nattsun. They love you too." 

Natsuki slowly nodded, exhaling softly, and his hand reached deeper into the water and pulled out the plug of the drain. Squeezing Natsuki's shoulder softly, Ai observed as the water slowly began to lessen in quantity, slowly but surely falling and flowing into the open drain of the bathtub. That was when a voice spoke softly, comprising of words that Ai did not expect to hear.

"I can't change the past, but even so... I'm happy... that I didn't die."

Ai's eyes widened and so did Reiji's. Turning his head, Natsuki quietly faced them again. Even though his eyes were glimmering with tears, he was smiling tenderly, his expression soft and sincere.

"And whoever it is who said those painful words... I'll keep walking forward while carrying their wishes and feelings in my heart for them, even if they have taken their last breath in the memories that I have yet to awaken. I can't change the past for them, but... I can make tomorrow an even brighter day with this heart that beats for all... who I love. This heart that is still alive... no matter what has been said or done."

Gazing at Reiji and Ai, a warm smile spread across his face, purely reflected in his kind eyes.

"So even if it hurts... when I find out... it's okay. It'll be okay. Rei-Rei, Ai-chan... we'll be okay."

Nearly choking on a sob, Reiji smiled brightly and Ai gently pulled both boys into a tight hug, whispering that it was true, that all of them would sincerely be okay. That it was what mattered the most. Eventually, Natsuki got out of the tub to wash the excess soap off his body in the shower and dried himself with a fluffy towel, and it was easy to tell that while he was not rushing, he was not idly taking his time either. Once he was fully dressed in comfortable clothing, Natsuki gazed at Ai and Reiji, a soft, earnest smile adorning his lips, and the two of them returned the smile as the three of them met in another warm hug.

_It was the eve before another shard of the past was to reflect light and fall from the darkness like a lone petal, a glistening snowflake, a piece of a melody. A silent, painful eve. But even as much as it was intertwined with pure sadness and maybe even tragedy... we are here together._

When the three of them left the bathroom, Camus and Ranmaru immediately got up from where they were seated on the bed. Without saying even a single word, both of them strode towards the three of them with brisk, even steps and held them in a five-man group hug. Closing his eyes, Ai wrapped his arms around Ranmaru and Natsuki and let his heart ease and melt into the strong, familial warmth, a serene smile sweeping across his face like a small wave.

_You gave us an "I love you" to carry in our hearts and now... we're glad that we could let our "I love you"s... linger and glow in yours._

Cecil Aijima

"Sensei gave us a really big stage to practise on."

Ren glanced around the broad wooden stage, letting out a couple of light chuckles.

"A big stage for a big concert. We have high expectations to meet, after all."

Cecil nodded with an enthusiastic smile and Ren grinned. Having finished recording for a TV show together, Ren and Cecil were the first to reach the hall that Shining had booked exclusively for STARISH to practise for the upcoming STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT concert. With less than thirty minutes to spare, they had texted the STARISH group chat that they had arrived and were now chatting with plastic cups of hot coffee lattes that they had purchased from a nearby café. Ren lowered himself down from the stage and took a seat next to Cecil at the centre front row of the audience seats, both of them sipping their drinks as they gazed upon the immense stage that was dimly-illumined by overhead lights.

"Now that the set list has been decided on, there are many songs that we need to practise, and quite a number include dance moves."

Ren took out his printed sheet of the concert set list from his bag, humming thoughtfully.

"Even though there are some songs that we can't fully practise with QUARTET NIGHT being in another city altogether, there's still much to work on."

"Yep," Cecil agreed, leaning closer to Ren, studying the set list too. "And the first song on the list is..." His eyes widened slightly. "'Golden Star'..."

"The same song that the first STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT show began with. Except that there are some changes this time around."

"Yeah..."

Cecil could not help the sad smile forming on his face.

"Since Natsuki is no longer in STARISH."

Even though "Golden Star" was a song shared by all eleven Shining Stars, it was also a song that distinctively showed two separate groups joining as one. When Natsuki became the fifth member of QUARTET NIGHT, some changes were made for the performance of the song. Firstly, instead of standing next to the STARISH members, Natsuki would be standing alongside Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus. Not only that, but he would be harmonizing with the four senpais instead of STARISH in the group parts of the song. Even though Cecil did not forget that Natsuki was in a different band now, the thought of "Golden Star" reminded him of that fact all over again, bearing a heavy weight on his heart. Maybe it would have been easier if Cecil got to say a proper goodbye before Tokiya, Masato and Syo forcefully removed poor Natsuki from the group, but it was anything but easy. And even now, it was still not as easy as it seemed.

"I know, Cesshi."

Ren's voice held a sad note. Cecil lifted his head and found Ren facing him with a slight but painful smile that Cecil almost never saw on the bold, flirtatious male's face. Shaking his head, Ren sighed and continued.

"I know as much as you do... that it's not easy knowing that. Remember when we were trying to figure out what the first 'S' in STARISH would stand for now that Shinomi was no longer in the group? Until now, I still don't think that anything or anyone could represent it like Shinomi did. If we said that the 'S' stood for 'smile', the problem is that Shinomi has such a kind, warm and special smile. If it was 'shine', the thing was that Shinomi shone in his own amazing way. If it was 'sparkle'... again, that was connected to Shinomi. That _is_ how special Shinomi truly was."

Cecil lowered his head, his heart clenching. During that discussion, Syo had, at one point, gritted his teeth and stormed out of the room. Even though Syo had not wanted to admit it then, he had known that they were right. Those bright, positive words held too much resemblance to Natsuki.

"But Shinomi wouldn't want us to be sad, right?"

Ren smiled assuringly, wrapping an arm around Cecil.

"After his debut as a QUARTET NIGHT member, when the two of us and Ikki met up with Shinomi, he told us with that bright, pure smile of his... that he wanted us to be happy. To keep reaching for the sun and making a rainbow in our way that no one could ever copy. Do you remember how he hugged us when congratulating us for the release of our newest song after that time?" Cecil laughed earnestly and Ren's smile broadened. "Exactly, Cesshi. Shinomi never stopped caring for us; him being in a different band does not change that. Never will."

Ruffling Cecil's dark hair, Ren's smile softened.

"So when we do have to perform 'Golden Star', let's give it all we've got, alright? Personally, when we all get the opportunity to mess around onstage, I am more than ready to pull Shinomi's leg even if it earns threats from Ran-chan." Ren winked with a proud grin. "What do you think of me starting with bringing up Shinomi's first on-screen kiss?"

"No!" Cecil laughed, shaking his head as Ren began laughing as well. "Ranmaru-senpai _will_ come after you if you talk about that again! And that's if Ai-senpai, Camus _and_ Reiji-senpai don't first!"

"The more the merrier, Cesshi. Plus, it's even more worth it as I get to pull _Bukky's_ leg too."

"Ren!"

"How about you pull Baron's leg for me?"

"Do you really want to mess with Camus of all of QUARTET NIGHT?"

The two of them laughed and that was when the doors of the concert hall opened. "Cecil! Ren!" Cecil's eyes widened and Ren looked confused as Otoya sprinted towards them, the redhead's voice panicked. Cecil and Ren got up and headed up the stairs, meeting Otoya about halfway. "We have a problem!"

"What happened, Ikki?" Ren inquired, furrowing his eyebrows.

"It's Tokiya!"

"Icchi?"

"Tokiya was attacked!" Otoya's exclamation froze Cecil instantly. "Syo and Masa are taking him to the hospital now. They said that they would explain everything once we get there, but Tokiya was attacked by some crazed Hayato fans when the three of them were leaving the recording studio." Otoya clenched his teeth, his red eyes flashing with fear. "Oh gosh, Tokiya... Tokiya-"

"Calm down, Ikki," Ren said, placing his hands on Otoya's shoulders, his voice reassuring despite the grim look in his blue eyes. "Icchi will be fine. You took a taxi here, right? I'll drive the three of us to the hospital now and you and Cesshi can call Shorty and Hijirkawa on the way, alright? He'll be okay, Ikki. The doctors and we will make sure of that."

Cecil patted Otoya on the back with a small smile and gulping down a mouthful of air, the redhead's body eased slightly and he smiled with a slight nod. Ren and Cecil nodded back and the three of them hurried out of the concert hall, internally hoping that their band member would be alright.

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Dad, may I ask you something?"

"Of course, Nacchan, son." Natsuki's dad laughed as he tousled his blond hair with a welcoming beam. "Ask me anything you want! Is there something on your mind? Is everything okay?"

Upon returning home, Natsuki's parents had immediately gone to take a hot shower. Natsuki's father finished showering first and was now relaxing in the living room with everyone in the quintet. Sitting between his dad and Reiji, Natsuki let out a soft breath, gathering his thoughts in one place, and felt the latter squeeze his hand with a warm, encouraging smile. Glancing around, Natsuki found Camus, Ai and Ranmaru facing him as well, their eyes silently encouraging him to continue. Smiling softly, Natsuki turned to his dad, whose smile did not waver, and nodded.

"Some of my forgotten memories came back to me today," Natsuki began, his voice soft, "and there are some things that I don't understand about what I just remembered. I'm not sure that you know about them, but still... I wanted to ask you, Dad."

Natsuki exhaled softly, trying to calm his heart as he hugged his fawn plushie to his chest.

"Was I... ever friends with a blind fawn...?"

Much to his shock, Natsuki's dad immediately froze. Fear and worry flashed across his face and Natsuki's eyes widened as his heart thumped in his chest. _D-Dad...?_ Natsuki slowly placed a hand on his dad's shoulder and his dad shook his head, his fear and worry disappearing into pure pain that tugged at his own heart, breathing out a muffled, "Oh God... God, Nacchan..." with a hand covering his mouth. Heaving out a painful sigh, Natsuki's dad turned to face him again, his eyes tight with unchanged pain.

"Did you listen to the fourth violin piece?"

"No, I haven't," Natsuki answered, shaking his head in pure confusion. "I was playing the viola when the memories came b-" His heart wavered in his chest. "Wait... Dad... do you know what the fourth violin piece is about? Did Sacchan tell you?"

"Sacchan did not have to tell me or your mum for us to know," Natsuki's dad responded, shaking his head. "We remember. We were there at your last violin recital, when you played those four violin pieces... with the violin that you played for the very last time. And the fourth violin piece... has everything to do with that blind fawn. That slow yet painful melody... was for her."

Natsuki's dad reached forward and took both of Natsuki's hands into his own, sheer anguish flooding his leaf-green eyes, silently piercing his heart like a cold, invisible blade. Looking deeply into his son's eyes, Natsuki's dad spoke slowly and carefully, his voice a near whisper.

"You were the blind fawn's first and closest friend, Nacchan... Closer than anything and anyone... But about a month before you quit the violin... I'm so sorry, Nacchan, but she... spent her last breath in your arms... She passed away, dear Nacchan, and I am so, so sorry."

_"Though we can't get used to this one thing,_

_Of these feelings we've shared,_

_Not a single one was a lie_

_To my heart's content,_

_I want to reveal its presence"_

\- "Evolution Eve", by QUARTET NIGHT (Showtaro Morikubo, Tatsuhisa Suzuki, Shouta Aoi and Tomoaki Maeno)


	70. Heroine's Prelude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Child Sexual Abuse (CSA)

Ai Mikaze

Hide-and-seek. 

A classic childhood game played by families and friends all over the world.

It was a timeless game that was often a reason why children's laughs and yells could resonate into the seasons, whether in a serene forest of secret hiding places or a house with layers and layers of complexity and thus, innumerable possibilities. The rules in the game were simple. One person- the seeker - was to close their eyes and count to a particular number while every other player was to hide in the area. When the seeker opened their eyes, they were to search for every other player until no one was hiding any longer. However, as innocuous as this game could be, if delved into deeper, there were a few unsettling questions that echoed like cold wind into the heart. A game that was supposed to be innocent still managed to slowly become a metaphor depicting certain darker and painful aspects of a life that was not nearly as bright as innocent hearts perceived it to be, like shadows veiling over the sunny spots of a serene woodland, darkness dissolving the glistening water of a secluded lake, white doves and canaries separating in cold fear as feathers that could never fly were left behind.

_Is it not terrifying to know that everyone is here when your eyes were open and find everyone gone after you closed them just once? Behind you when your eyes were open... distancing from you as you close your eyes and count... disappeared when you open your eyes once again..._

_What if I cannot find you?_

Amid all of the bright places that Ai had been led to by a warm and kind hand, he had failed to notice the unspoken places which darkness slipped into and hid away like a child curling into a damp, hollow tree trunk and hugging a doll while stifling their soft cries.

_What if you hide yourself too well?_

The warm, soft and kind smile that Ai had been on the receiving end of was too earnest. Too pure. Too honest. Too heartbreakingly true. That it worked too well. That he did not dive further into those bright places in which a shattered, vulnerable soul silently lied on the grass, its tears falling and allowing flowers to grow, smothering and burying it away.

_What if you cannot hear my voice searching for you?_

Ai had not even realized that he was even in the middle of a game of hide-and-seek, with him being in the role of the seeker that had no idea of when to stop counting the numbers and start searching for the one hiding from him. The game that was meant for children had manifested itself into the darker side of life, into a cold reality of melancholy and grief, a silent duel of unspoken truths that should never have existed in the first place.

_What if I cannot see you waiting to be found?_

Tears falling from a heart that he had not known was capable of crying, Ai had whispered for the game to stop, not caring if his voice quivered as he found his closest friend crying alone and silently pulled him into a gentle yet tight hug, petals falling away in a season that he had had no idea could be this painful.

_Please... do not think you ever need to hide yourself away... please._

_"You were the blind fawn's first and closest friend, Nacchan... Closer than anything and anyone... But about a month before you quit the violin... I'm so sorry, Nacchan, but she... spent her last breath in your arms..."_

Cold sadness seeped through the crevices of his heart like fallen rain as Ai let out a quiet breath and closed the bedroom door, Mr Shinomiya's painful words echoing soundlessly in his mind.

_"She passed away, dear Nacchan, and I am so, so sorry."_

"I hope that Mum doesn't cry."

Picking up his fawn plushie from the bed, Natsuki wrapped his arms around it and held it gently against his chest, his kind emerald eyes filled with quiet pain.

"She cried the most whenever I was sad and even if I don't remember yet... I'm sure she cried too... when my fawn friend died."

Just about ten minutes ago, in the living room of the Shinomiya residence, Mr Shinomiya had revealed that Natsuki had been friends with a blind fawn back when he was still a child, the fawn most likely being the same fawn that appeared inside his awoken memories. When Mr Shinomiya softly told him that the fawn had passed away, Natsuki's eyes had slowly widened with trembling emotions that were not shock or disbelief as much as they were pure sorrow and anguish that threatened to break his own beating heart. As though trying not to crumble right there and then, Natsuki had lowered his head and closed his eyes even while his shoulders were already shaking, clearly attempting to process everything that had pierced through his mind and soul, and Ai, Reiji, Ranmaru, Camus and Mr Shinomiya had all quietly watched in pure agony, staying with him there. When Natsuki silently opened his eyes again, he had opened his mouth and asked in a painful, near whisper:

"The fourth and last violin piece was for her... right...?"

His eyes glistened with tears that had yet to fall as his voice wavered like a lone candlelight in the wind.

"Is it okay... if I listen to the song alone for a bit...? Please...?"

His voice cracked audibly, breaking his heart like glass. Ai immediately turned to face everyone else, completely uncertain as to whether letting Natsuki be alone was the best option, and he could tell that they shared the exact same concern. Even now, it was painfully clear that Natsuki was trying to remain strong even though he had just found out that he had lost a close animal friend of his. Ai sincerely did not want Natsuki to force himself through the pain on his own and attempt to bottle his emotions up like he used to just for the sake of everyone around him - an occurrence that had only wound up in the blond shattering within himself even more. Before they became close, Ai had let Natsuki walk away from him and hide his vulnerable emotions within himself more times that he could even count, and he had promised himself, as well as Natsuki and Reiji, that he would never allow him to ever again. Because that was what it meant to love and care about others, just like they had taught him. So before anyone could speak again, Ai had looked at Natsuki again and spoke.

"Natsuki, would you like for at least one or two of us to come with you?"

Ai had managed to maintain a calm and quiet voice, even though his heartbeat was not nearly as even.

"To make sure you are okay. We won't even say anything if that is what you prefer. We simply would like to be beside you."

"If you just want a small company, how about Reiji and Ai go with you?" Ranmaru suggested, placing a hand on Ai's shoulder. "Camus and I can stay with your dad until you're done. Or at least, until you want us to join you."

"We will explain the circumstances to your mother once she joins us," Camus proceeded, nodding briefly as he crossed his arms. "While we understand that you requested to be alone, we are gravely concerned that being alone for this particular activity, especially amidst such grief, will only serve to be detrimental for you." Even though Natsuki's head was still hung, Camus' ice-blue eyes softened. "We simply want what is best for you, Natsuki. You know that more than anyone."

Reiji reached forward and gave Natsuki's hand a tight squeeze, his grey eyes soft with deep pain and worry, silently telling the blond that it was completely okay for him to be sad, to not force himself to remain strong. It was a few painstakingly long moments later when Natsuki slowly lifted his head to face all of them, a couple of warm tears rolling down his cheeks, and nodded with a small, weak smile.

"Yep... you guys are right."

His lips quivered, just like the light in his green eyes.

"I didn't think it at first, but... I don't think I can be alone right now... without it hurting so much... too much. I... I can't."

Now in the present, with the fluorescent lamps illumining the bedroom that would have otherwise seemed too cold with the reflection of the crying sky outside, Reiji and Ai took a seat on the bed with Natsuki in a small circle, the same circle that they had often sat in when it was just the three of them stargazing by their favourite river. They quietly observed as Natsuki scrolled along his yellow cellphone until he reached the last of the four violin pieces that had each broken his heart: 

"Heroine's Prelude." 

In comparison with the previous three violin pieces, the fourth violin piece's name was extremely vague and difficult to interpret. "Eclipsed Crescendo" gave the impression of a painfully high note being overshadowed by darkness; "Bleeding Strings" implied a sharpness that wounded the heart deeply; and "Shadow of Stars" seemed to speak of how even illumining brightness had their share of darkness as well. "Heroine's Prelude", on the other name, was a name that did not allow one to be confident if they were to attempt to guess what the piece represented simply from the name itself, unlike the names of the other three violin pieces. Considering that the subject of the piece was most likely the blind fawn... it was truly impossible to guess its meaning from the surface. Carefully plugging in his white earplugs to the cellphone, Natsuki's eyes remained on the screen, a faraway gentle green amid contemplative sadness and hurt, the earbuds drooping a little. Reiji scooted closer and wrapped his hand around Natsuki's shoulders, squeezing softly. Ai, in turn, silently placed a hand on Natsuki's knee, their gestures small but wishing the exact same thing: reassuring their closest friend that they were with him.

_He knows... that he is about to watch his own friend pass away again._

Natsuki relinquished a soft exhale that made his shoulders quiver, his fingers curling around his cellphone a little tighter.

_He knows that and is afraid... and rightfully so._

"I'm going to listen to the song, but... may I ask you guys for one thing?"

"Of course, Nattsun," Reiji answered, smiling softly as Ai nodded. "Anything. What is it?"

"Can you..."

Natsuki slowly raised his head and faced both Reiji and Ai, holding out his free left hand with a soft gaze that was filled with emotion.

"Can you please... hold my hand... and not let go...?"

His palm was open, quivering in silence as it lingered in the cold, damp air. The vulnerability and trust within that soundless gesture and those quiet words brought both pain and warmth trickling into Ai's chest like a riverbed of flowers, squeezing at his heart palpably. Noticing the warmth welling up at the back of his eyes, Ai let out a soft exhale and smiled slightly as Reiji's grey eyes softened with both sadness and love. "You did not need to ask, Natsuki."

Reaching for Natsuki's left hand, Ai laced their fingers together and squeezed delicately.

"We will hold you for as long as you want and need us to."

"Yep. Always, Nattsun."

Reiji's voice was quieter than usual as he placed his hand over Natsuki and Ai's intertwined ones, facing the former with a gentle tenderness that matched his words and gesture.

"And you will be okay. You have us to make sure of it. And you always will."

Natsuki cracked a smile - a smile that was small but nevertheless sincere even amidst their pain and anguish. "Thank you, Rei-Rei, Ai-chan... thank you." The unspoken emotion in the phrase "thank you" shrouded Ai's heart like gentle veils of white fog, the recollection of how simple yet tender and meaningful those two words alone were welling up within him like a small yet glowing lantern rising to the surface. _In our two-way street of giving and receiving, you held your heart out to me and taught me how feelings such as empathy and compassion could be conveyed by actions that were neither complicated nor grand. By words such as "thank you" and "I love you". Even through those games of hide-and-seek that had left wounds deep within our hearts... we still managed to give to and move one another in pure earnestness._

Tucking the small earbuds into his ears, Natsuki gazed at them for a few moments, almost as though he was taking in the fact that they were here beside him one last time before he delved into the memories that had been hidden deep inside his heart that had been broken and gradually healed over time and emotions. The expression that he gave them - pure, gentle and filled with trust despite painful vulnerability and sorrow - reminded Ai all over again how innocent Natsuki was; how beautifully yet _heartbreakingly_ innocent he was. And as much as Ai was aware of how he was considered both mature and composed for his age... that was a fact that would never fail to break him on the inside, with or without a human heart. Taking in a deep breath and releasing it as carefully, Natsuki gave them one last small smile that whispered, _I'll be back_ , and pressed Play.

And amid the silence of the bedroom, he closed his eyes.

Camus

"Earlier, prior to Natsuki, Reiji and Ai's exit, you mentioned that you and Mrs Shinomiya attended Natsuki's last violin recital as a child."

Camus addressed the older man, selecting his words carefully.

"If you do not mind, would it be fine if you told Ranmaru and I about the events that occurred that point in time? If it is too excruciating to discuss, neither of us will coerce you to tell us."

While he, as well as Ranmaru and the Shinomiyas, had entrusted both Reiji and Ai with taking care of Natsuki throughout the process of listening to the fourth violin piece, Camus was not entirely calm about sitting here in the living room without having a clear picture of what could happen in the other room. The unrestrained fear and agony that had flickered across Mr Shinomiya's face had been more than sufficient evidence that even if the two parents did not know everything about what had traumatized their son, they had directly witnessed Natsuki's suffering, serving to solidify the fact that the final violin recital had truly been a shattering ordeal for the entire family. 

Sitting on the brown sofa beside Ranmaru, Camus silently waited as Mr Shinomiya wrapped a protective arm around his wife, whose hazel eyes were turning glassy with tears that had yet to fall, the older man's green eyes tight with hurt. After an unquantifiable amount of struggle and ordeals, they had managed to reach the last of the final violin pieces. "Heroine's Prelude", the sole violin piece that directly addressed the demise of a close one, who, in this case, was a female baby deer that had been disadvantaged until her life closed in front of a child Natsuki. As cold raindrops pelted against the glass in an irregular discord and fell away without so much as an opportunity to hold on, Camus could feel his own heart turning grim at the implications that his gut, which normally proved to be correct, was warning him of. 

_This may be the last of the four violin pieces, but based on all that has been surmised... the demise of Natsuki's animal companion is_ not _the trigger of his trauma and the creation of his alter ego. There is a time gap of approximately one month between the fawn's end and the last violin recital, enhancing the already-high possibility that while witnessing his disabled friend's demise may have contributed to his trauma in a cruel snowball effect... an event that has yet to be remembered occurred somewhere in the middle._

His hands clasped together over his lap, Ranmaru heaved out a sigh that betrayed his pain and shook his head as he faced Camus, his heterochromatic eyes tight with sheer frustration and worry even though it was clear that he was making an effort to sit still. Camus gave him a subtle nod of the head, a silent method of communicating that he felt no different - the difference in their volatility left unsaid - and while he did not say a word, Ranmaru clenched his teeth. _With help from Kizuna, Ai and I had done thorough searches to ensure that we did not miss any other compositions or pieces from Natsuki's past. Our searches had all mutually turned out fruitless, seeming to suggest that there was nothing amiss... but I have to disagree, especially now._

Camus withheld a painful sigh as he hid his thoughts behind his calm exterior, leaving them to be a subject for a more-appropriate time, which, by definition, was not now.

_Regardless how much I myself wish that it were true... if it meant that no further harm would be dealt to Natsuki._

"When we came to the violin recital, we had not known that it would be Nacchan's last."

Mr Shinomiya's quiet confession reached Camus' ears. Immediately, both Camus and Ranmaru faced Mr Shinomiya, who was already looking at them with a forced smile.

"It was a month ever since Nacchan's friend passed away, but Nacchan was still playing the violin like he normally did. He was still attending his violin lessons, playing for us and the animals so beautifully and emotionally like he normally did, composing inimitable pieces in his free time... He was playing the violin for the fawn too, as a way of honouring her. He did hardly play the violin during the first couple of days or so after she passed, but... he slowly moved forward, for her too. But then..."

Mrs Shinomiya slowly lifted her head from the floor and turned to her husband, whose green eyes were filled with true pain.

"Then came the week before the violin recital - that violin recital that debuted those four broken pieces that marked the end of Nacchan's time as a violinist. 'Eclipsed Crescendo', 'Bleeding Strings', 'Shadow of Stars', and 'Heroine's Prelude'... It may have been a violin competition to everyone else who were in that hall, but even from just those songs alone, it was clear that Nacchan was not playing the violin for a competition. Nacchan was conveying and _releasing_ the emotions that were already breaking him as he stood alone on that stage and played, straining to see all of it to the very end... and both of us were there for it."

"We were actually surprising Nacchan," Mrs Shinomiya continued, her voice soft and quivering as Mr Shinomiya held her hand tightly, her hazel eyes glimmering with tears. "We were out of town for the week to take care of family business and attend a close friend's funeral. We talked with Nacchan over the phone and he sounded fine, but... ever since he was young, he's always had a habit of hiding his pain and sadness behind his smiles, not wanting others to be sad. And we didn't notice through those calls. We had _no_ idea... that our dear son... was crying in his heart. We bought him a bouquet of some of his favourite flowers and planned to bring him to his favourite pancake parlour, but when we saw him onstage with that violin..." Her voice cracked as the first tear rolled down her left cheek. "We knew immediately that he... was _not_... okay. The judges and the rest of the audience may not be able to tell the difference between a heart-breaking performance and a heartbroken boy, but we... we knew."

She covered her mouth as a couple more tears fell from her eyes, her body trembling with near soundless cries.

"We knew that he was crying and that he had begun crying... when we were all the way in another city, unable to tell the difference between him being happy... and him being broken. And he was so, so broken... to the point that for some time... he lost his smile."

Natsuki Shinomiya

The first sounds that reached his ears were the cadence of a heartbeat.

...

_Alive._

...

The darkness slowly cleared as showers of flower petals fell gently from above, dissolving into the warm light that soundlessly spread above and around him like waves of emotions. White. Pink. Yellow. White. Lavender. Blue. Delicate and quiet, and yet so light and beautiful. The faint rustles of leaves quivered into his ears in a fluttering dance, resembling the way a butterfly moved its wings in the wind, and touched by the whispering breeze, the flowers, too, flowed in a rhythm that could not be written into music sheets. Living silently under the warm spring sun was the forest near his home in Hokkaido, bathed in pure daylight, surrounded by thick verdant treetops and multifarious flowers in full bloom, shrouded by the tranquil wind and resonating with the melodies of the forest animals staying with one another - a serene sanctuary in the countryside.

Natsuki was eight when he strolled into the forest alone. Wearing a baby blue sweater, he hugged his violin and bow to his chest as he chatted with a couple of hummingbirds with a soft smile, chuckling as olive leaves fluttered down from the towering trees. He loved playing the violin for his animal friends, and it never failed to make his heart brighten when his animal friends danced and sang along. He was searching for a warm spot to settle down when he noticed a thick bush with white flowers rustling a bit too strongly to be caused by the wind. Softly requesting for the birdies to look after his instrument, to which they chirruped happily, he gently placed his violin and bow on the lush green grass and began approaching the bush. Natsuki picked up the pace a bit and carefully parted the leaves, only for his heart to thump in surprise.

Sensing Natsuki's closeness, the baby deer slowly shrank back, letting out a soft bleat that resembled a whimper. Her eyes were a bluish-white, a sign that silently told Natsuki that she could not see, causing his heart to wrench in his chest. Hidden alone in the bushes, Natsuki could feel a painful loneliness shrouding and radiating from the fawn like white mist, trickling deep into his own beating heart. Not wanting the small deer to remain on her own, Natsuki took another step forward and carefully pulled her into a tender hug that he silently prayed could warm her heart, letting his head rest against the back of her neck, letting his own eyes fall to a close.

"You don't have to say anything." Natsuki's voice was a hushed whisper as the baby deer remained unresponsive, his fingers holding him gently. "I just want you to be at least a little happier. I know a hug isn't much, but... I want you to be happy."

The deer bleated softly, inquiring, _Why?_ Letting out a quiet breath, Natsuki chuckled softly and smiled.

"You are feeling sad and lonely, and it's painful."

" _It's how I always am_ ," the deer spoke softly through her bleats. " _I've always been blind and no one... can change that. Even my mum and dad... don't want me because I can't see._ "

"I... I'm so sorry."

" _I don't want to be sad or lonely, but it doesn't stop._ " The baby deer whimpered as she whispered near inaudibly. " _It's why I fell out of love for life. I... I don't want a life where I can't stop feeling sadness, loneliness or pain. I can't see anyone or anything, hold anyone or anything right... Life isn't supposed to be cruel, right..._?"

The fawn leaned her head into Natsuki's shoulder, her voice wavering as sun's warmth failed to reach her.

" _Life isn't supposed... to let you die alone... right...?_ "

Natsuki's eyes slowly fluttered open a little as his arms tightened around the fawn, warm tears welling up within them as well as his quivering heart. But doing his best to hold the tears back, he smiled weakly, trying to remain strong for her, and spoke in a near whisper that he hoped did not betray those tears. "You're right. No one deserves to be sad. No one deserves to be lonely or hurt either. And definitely no one... deserves to die alone... no one..." His hand slowly ran up and down the back of her neck in a soothing, rhythmic pattern as his smile softened. "But... I won't leave you alone. I come to the forest a lot and when I do, I will be right beside you. And even during the times that I am not, I will stay in your heart, just like you will be in mine."

Relinquishing a soft breath, Natsuki rested his head into the arch of the fawn's back, holding her a bit more protectively.

"Life isn't just about pain, sadness and loneliness. If it's okay with you, I want to show you that, alright... Fawnie...?"

_Fawnie._

The bittersweet melody of the violin flowed into his ears like petals being lulled towards gentle waters by the voice of the wind as the name echoed deeply within the heart of his present self. Last Christmas, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus had given him a fawn plushie custom-made just for him. When thinking of what to name the plushie, the name "Fawnie" had resounded in his heart and mind like warm colours dyeing silent water, bringing gentle emotions seeping through his heart and telling him that it was a lovely name for the plushie. And he truly did believe it, which was why he ended up naming the plushie "Fawnie", causing Reiji to immediately beam brightly and pull him into a big, warm hug and Ai, Ranmaru and Camus to smile sincerely. However, now, about half a year later, he found out that the name "Fawnie" meant even deeper than he initially thought or at least... knew with what he remembered. The blind fawn did not have a name, with her parents who had abandoned her never actually giving her a proper name, so she let Natsuki name her.

And ever since that warm spring morning in the forest, Natsuki and the fawn had been inseparable. Natsuki introduced his parents to Fawnie and both of them adored the baby deer, often staying with them and the other animals in the forest. Natsuki and Fawnie spent countless days exploring the forest, sitting beside each other in sunny spots and by the small pond, chatting and huddling with other animal friends, singing melodies that they loved. Whenever Fawnie asked what things such as flowers, trees and other things or people looked like, Natsuki would do his best to describe them, focusing especially on the beautiful and precious to the heart, and the sincere smiles that the baby deer gave would never fail to warm him on the inside. The fawn sometimes even danced and bleated softly when Natsuki played the violin, despite her being incredibly shy and reserved, his and the other animals' encouragements gradually giving her courage to be happy and do what her heart wished for her to do.

" _You're my first and closest friend_." The fawn's voice was nearly inaudible as she snuggled her head against Natsuki's lap with her eyes closed contentedly. " _It really makes me happy... to have you in my heart._ "

Fawnie had also stayed by Natsuki's side when he was the one whose heart was filled with sadness. She was there beside him when Natsuki was cradling his arm that was tortured with bruises from students who bullied him, when he was unable to compose properly, when his body was too exhausted and his heart was on the verge of breaking. Natsuki was incredibly grateful too... that he had that small yet kind-hearted and selfless fawn in his heart. She did not have to see to touch his heart. To hold him until he was okay. To be his friend and love him like he loved her. Even though she was not physically the strongest, even though she could not see ever since she was first born... she was still able to bring pure warmth lingering inside his heart every single day, her own heart being made of warmth itself.

"You know, Fawnie... you don't have to be the strongest animal there is to be a hero."

Holding the baby deer close, Natsuki hugged her tightly and smiled warmly.

"Just by being your sweet, lovable self... you are a heroine to everyone you love. A warm, bright and amazing heroine whom I will always love and remember, no matter what. I love you, Fawnie. I love you so, so much..."

_I thought that we were going to be alive together for much, much longer. Happy and smiling and laughing together for countless more moments and seasons to come, whether the flowers were blooming, the sun was shining, the leaves were blazing or the snow was falling. I really, really thought it... and believed it..._

The memories that were awakening from their sleep and flowing through his head and heart were tender and bright, like a gentle ballad that was scintillating with those timeless colours of the flowers that they had made into flower crowns and bouquets for those they loved, including each other. But knowing that they were not the only memories that were emerging to the surface, he felt tears leaking into his soul, afraid of keeping them too close, afraid of letting them shine too brightly only to shatter upon what happened next. Still, he held onto those moments, knowing that he could not change what happened and that those memories, no matter what, were precious and dear to the both of them as the feelings welled up painfully and he let everything unfold piece by piece, like a glass artwork that could fall apart with just a single touch.

_And I really, really meant it when I said that I would always remember you. I never thought that the memories of you would ever be locked away. I love you so, so much and I am so, so sorry... Fawnie... No matter what it was that happened, I am so sorry._

Ranmaru Kurosaki

"You boys know about the meanings behind the first three songs, right?"

Mr Shinomiya tried to smile, but what was formed was a painful smile.

"So we'll tell you about the fourth piece: 'Heroine's Prelude.'"

Ranmaru could hardly manage a rigid nod as Camus quietly murmured in agreement, his head spiralling and blazing with an inferno of thoughts and memories, smouldering ashes and smoke in a district that never remained serene and beautiful for long. He knew exactly what it was like to stand onstage alone, performing his heart out as a way of unleashing the screams and cries that had been chained and caged in his broken soul, even if they were still unnoticed as the fire subsided into ashes, misinterpreted and misunderstood as the curtains fell and the stage lights dimmed into darkness. It was violent catharsis. While relief washed over him as the adrenaline stopped pumping along his beating heart and the embers were extinguished, too many times, standing alone on that dark stage, he ended up feeling near empty inside.

_If my heart is a district of glass skyscrapers and city lights, yours is a garden of flowers and mirrors. That's how different we are, even if we have much more in common than we initially realized or understood. But when our hurt and grief are ignited into flames and ashes, the cries of our hearts are because of the same excruciating fire that wounds and bleeds through our souls. Even if the glass of my skyscrapers and your mirrors did not wind up shattered, they reflect the burning glow of the flames that were lit up by our emotions and yet... were not quite enough to close our scars. Like how the city lights were swallowed by the intensity of the flames, the flowers fell away because the flames were too relentless for them to remain above the ground._

Ranmaru remembered how he had gotten up and given Natsuki a strong pat on the back just before the younger blond went upstairs with Reiji and Ai, reminding him that there was no point in rushing and to take all the time he needed. To cry if he needed to. It was undoubtedly advice that they both used to have sheer difficulty in heeding, given Ranmaru's stubbornness and pride and Natsuki's hurtful selflessness. And even though they _did_ improve in that area, Ranmaru could not blame Natsuki if he held back his tears. Even without the tears, it was already painfully obvious that he was _breaking_ \- and that broke all of them more than anything.

 _But I don't want your garden to burn again. God knows that more than anything... I don't want to see you empty as you stare into the ruins from which the fire has died away. No matter how rarely I say it aloud, you didn't deserve to watch all that you love and care about fall into ruin before your very eyes. Yes, no one does, but the one I care about right now is_ you _, got it?_

"While one of the main themes that this violin piece revolves around is easily his animal friend's passing, from what we could tell, Nacchan was not just conveying the feelings that he has for her alone."

Mr Shinomiya let out a quiet sigh as he smiled slightly.

"In this world of ours, we almost never speak of or hear about heroines rather than heroes, right? We hear about so many powerful male figures, with or without supernatural powers, like Superman, for example. The stories of heroines are not nearly as listened to or told, even though there are countless stories that are as beautiful as they are raw with emotion. Too often, in society's eyes, those stories are pushed into the background, hardly noticed or able to resurface enough. Those heroines were treated unfairly and undermined from the start until the very end, and yet _they_ are the ones who suffer for it. You understand what I am saying, right?"

Ranmaru did not say a word, but he did not disagree. Mr Shinomiya was right. In the idol industry in which QUARTET NIGHT competed, the five of them had witnessed first-hand how female idols were discriminated against heavily by too many lowlifes. As much as Ranmaru did used to have severe issues with the opposite gender in general after several women ended up being the causes of betrayals in his life, including the betrayals that caused the Kurosaki conglomerate to collapse, he did _not_ stand for how certain scums thought they could do whatever they liked with women, including tossing them around and playing with them until they got bored or it became too troublesome. More than once, he and the rest of the quintet had had to push harassers off their female co-workers and threaten to call the police during their idol work, during a few instances of which Ranmaru, Reiji and Camus had had to resort to firing painful blows at the lowlifes when things turned too violent. 

There were other times in which interviewers made subtle, demeaning jokes about the female idols live onstage, and when that happened, Natsuki would negate them by giving earnest words of encouragement and reassurance to the girls with soft smiles that hid his own pain while Ai would bluntly warn the interviewers to rethink their words with narrowed eyes that could become cold depending on the severity of the situation. Each encounter would not fail to sicken Ranmaru more on the inside, and he never needed to take even a single glance at Reiji, Natsuki, Ai and Camus to know that they felt the exact same way. As much as he would never say it out loud, it even made him appreciate _Ren_ more; the guy may be a flirtatious Casanova who entertained flocks of girls, but he _never_ did anything to take advantage of any of them. And everyone in the quintet would be more than freaking happy to fight anyone who said otherwise.

"The fawn that Nacchan grew to love was a heroine to him. A heroine that was blind and yet was able to see much, much more than most truly opened their eyes to."

Mrs Shinomiya, who had remained silent during her husband's explanation, spoke, causing Ranmaru to widen his eyes. The middle-aged lady wiped her tears away with one hand as she faced Camus and Ranmaru, her voice gentle but laced with silent pain.

"Nacchan and the fawn were both there for each other no matter what. Not only that, but their friendship moved the other animals around them. The birds, butterflies, rabbits, everyone... they felt much calmer and happier whenever the two of them were together. When Nacchan brought the fawn to the farm for visits, even though they did not see her often, even the farm animals and Elizabeth and Chikuwabu had their spirits lifted. It was like the sun and sky turned brighter the closer they grew. Just like how Nacchan was a hero to her, she was a heroine to him."

She looked deeply into Ranmaru and Camus' eyes, warm tears pooling in her hazel ones.

"I may not be beside him now, but I know that sweet Nacchan is going to be extremely hard on himself for not remembering her, even though it wasn't his fault at all. Nacchan has always held his memories of his family and friends deeply close to him, so to know that the memories of that fawn had been erased for years... would break his heart so, so much." She let out a faltering breath, her voice soft. "But what he did not realize... was that a bit of her memory did leak out a while before today. Last Christmas, to be exact."

"Last Christmas?" Ranmaru repeated, confused as Camus raised an eyebrow.

"You, Rei and Ai gave Nacchan a fawn plushie last Christmas, right?"

"Indeed we did," Camus confirmed, nodding briefly as he shifted in his position. "However, it was by utmost coincidence that the animal that we selected for the stuffed doll was the same animal that was Natsuki's forgotten friend. During our discussion, which you may also say doubled as a debate, we decided to select an animal that based on our knowledge, Natsuki did not have even a single plush of. Ai suggested scanning through Natsuki's favourite Disney movies and it was then when _Bambi_ was brought to attention by Reiji and thus, the fawn was our unanimous decision."

"But what does this have to do with-" Ranmaru froze, his eyes dilating at the sudden realization. "Oh God..." He stared at the two parents. "It wasn't a coincidence... that of all kinds of animal plushies... Natsuki did not have a fawn or deer plushie... was it?"

"It wasn't, Maru," Mr Shinomiya answered, shaking his head with a sorrowful smile in his green eyes. "After Nacchan's memories were sealed, Satsuki warned us about certain things that may force the memories out to the surface before Nacchan was ready to face them. Keeping a fawn plushie close to him, especially after his trauma broke him, would only hurt him even more, and that was the last thing we all wanted for the dear boy. Fawn plushies were not really common either compared to other animals like dogs, cats or rabbits, so it was easier to avoid them."

"But even without realizing it himself, Nacchan still named the fawn plushie from you boys... the exact same name that he gave to that blind fawn whose heart he touched back in that spring day in that forest of memories." 

Mrs Shinomiya smiled, her expression tender with warm emotions even with the tears lingering in her eyes. 

"Fawnie. A special name for a special gift from his dearest friends."

Ranmaru cracked a light grin as a small smile appeared on Camus' face, and Mr Shinomiya smiled as he pulled his wife closer with his arm wrapped around her. He remembered how Natsuki loved to bring the fawn plushie with him throughout his idol work, viewing it as a way of taking a part of the senpais with him as well. And now they knew that even without knowing it himself, Natsuki had been carrying a part of his now-deceased animal friend along with him, too. 

_"... Having this plushie with me reminds me all over again that all four of you would always be in my heart, with me... And that... can never fail to give me a blossoming warmth, even if I could have felt lonely."_

Natsuki's warm words flowed into Ranmaru's head like a river of the flowers that he had always loved, and while it calmed his heart, it brought pain squeezing that same heart tightly. Now Ranmaru understood. The letter "h" in the word "heroine" was "hidden"; that was what Natsuki was conveying in "Heroine's Prelude". What it felt like to be beaten down and disadvantaged without so much as an opportunity to reach for or grasp. To be shattered and wounded despite being innocent in a world of deceit, selfishness and grief. To be forced to hide away and leave your story in the shadows so that it would not be tainted by malicious lies and accusations, even if not even a single word of it was ever told for a second person to hear. To simply, have your own thoughts and emotions overlooked... All of those moments and memories were the prelude of a heroine; the excruciating path that a heroine took to be where she was now, just like that baby deer, even if it was not regarded by anyone. Natsuki may not have disabilities or anything of the kind, but... he had more than enough love, empathy and kindness to understand and hold out his hand for those who did.

But then, as much as Ranmaru dreaded and hated it more than anything... then came the aftermath.

"Mr Shinomiya. Mrs Shinomiya."

Ranmaru tried not to grit his teeth as he addressed his close friend's parents, an ominous feeling overshadowing his gut, forcing the words out despite knowing that the answer was not going to be anywhere near painless.

"What happened to Natsuki after the last violin recital? When you could finally talk to him?"

Mr Shinomiya stiffened as Mrs Shinomiya froze. Clenching his teeth, Ranmaru turned to Camus, half-expecting the platinum-blond to give him a look implying that he chose the wrong time to bring this up, only to find his expression grimmer than before. Unsurprised, but grim. _He must have thought of the same thing too. That's Camus, alright. Not that it makes the answer any less painful to find out as no matter what... the garden of flowers and mirrors was burned alive in that innocent soul._ He could never forget how Natsuki had crumbled into tears when staring at himself in a mirror etched with cracks that could never be fixed, bleeding strings lacerating his vulnerable heart, just last month in the maze of mirrors that the senpais had made for him. If the pain was anywhere near how broken he had felt then, coupled with the fact that he was just a kid all those years ago when he was shattered by cold trauma...

Cold pain jabbed through his heart like a twisting knife that had remained after the extinguishing of wildfire, and his soul writhed.

... even imagining it... was too painful to the point that it was _cruel_.

"He was in a state that we never wanted to see him at ever again."

Mr Shinomiya confessed, his voice near inaudible, sharply contrasting his usual, open and blithe tone, almost as though he was warning both Ranmaru and Camus one last time. His expression, too, was even more subdued than before, like the memory itself was enough to void him of his bright spirit, leaving chills to run down Ranmaru's spine as he silently listened.

"Right now, just... imagine our Nacchan - what he's like on a fine, ordinary day. His warm, tranquil aura. His loving, gentle and kind smiles. His big, tight hugs and the gentle squeezes he gives once he takes your hand into his. The life in his soft green eyes. The cadence of his voice that encourages and reassures those he loves and cares about. That's pure, sweet and selfless Nacchan. That's the bright, brilliant boy that we know and love, who knows us and loves us."

He paused as his voice quavered slightly, showing signs of tears for the first time throughout this entire ordeal. However, it was what he said next that made both Ranmaru and Camus freeze like ice.

"Now imagine... the _opposite_. Not that he became cruel or dark or anything like that... but... hollow compared to before. Imagine a Nacchan... who was too hurt and terrified..." his voice broke like glass, "to hold out his hand or spread his arms out for a single hug."

Natsuki Shinomiya

_When I make a promise to someone I love and care about, I mean it. By meaning it, I do everything I can to keep that promise, remembering it with both my heart and mind as I protect it with all of me so that it never breaks apart. A promise is something that is so earnestly beautiful, but is also something painfully fragile. Once it is broken, it can never be pieced back to the way it was before - it is that truth that makes a promise so terrifying. If you break a promise... you are also breaking the heart of the person you made that promise to... right...?_

_To every friend I make, without needing to think the exact words in my head and heart, I promise that I will always love them just the way they are. That I will always protect them with every part of me even if I am weak alone. That no matter what happens... I will never forget them and the times that we spent together, the moments that turn into memories that exist as colours and emotions within us, warming us even during the most painful parts of our lives. Fawnie, I... I never ever meant to forget you, to forget us._

A lump rose in the hollow of his throat as warmth welled up in the back of his eyes.

_I didn't mean... to break my promise to you..._

Almost one year after they first met, a snowstorm fell upon Hokkaido. Nine-year-old Natsuki was safe at home with his parents, but each time he gazed out the window, he could not help but worry. Winter meant that most of the forest animals were hibernating in their homes, safe from the falling snow, but this amount of snow meant that it was so much colder than it normally was. The last time they spent time together, Fawnie had assured Natsuki that she had a warm place to stay in, but it did not stop him from worrying. Even right now, as he sipped hot chocolate with his parents by the fireplace, he was tucked into a warm blanket as he leaned into Mum's arms, shivering at times. When he told his parents about it, Mum and Dad both suggested that the three of them paid a visit to the forest together once the snowstorm had subsided. Then, they could check on Fawnie and the other forest animals and tend to them if anything happened. That had made Natsuki smile gently with a small nod and each and every night, he prayed that everyone was safe and sound, that the snowstorm stopped soon.

_I played winter songs on the violin, imagining a winter wonderland where the snow fell little by little so that everyone could look up and see how crystalline and gentle it could be. It made me feel really fuzzy on the inside when I played Christmas songs by the warm glow of the fireplace, thinking of how Santa makes people so happy by granting their earnest wishes. Next Christmas was still so far away, but... I just wish that everyone is okay._

_That's all I want._

It was about two weeks until the snowstorm subsided. As soon as everyone had finished breakfast, wearing his soft white sweater with his violin prepared, Natsuki grabbed his parents by the hands and the three of them headed straight for the forest. The winter sun was warm and gentle, its radiance falling tenderly onto the piles of pristine white snow and frost, reflected like light against clear, untainted glass. A couple of small brown hummingbirds chirruped in greeting as Natsuki and his parents carefully strolled along the forest, trying not to slip as their footsteps left trails on the delicate snow, the atmosphere silent and tranquil like the snowstorm had not even come. Somehow, seeing how beautiful the snow was made him realize all over again how ephemeral it was, how close the season was to changing to spring. Soon before they knew it, the snow would all melt away, giving way to flowers, grass and leaves, as well as a brighter sun.

Minutes flew by with hardly seeing any animals, with those that they did find coping well with the season. But Natsuki wanted to look around for at least a while longer just in case, and his parents had warmly welcomed the idea. It was when they reached a clearing amid trees that no longer had leaves that his heart went numb in his chest. A weak bleat barely reached his ears, almost too soft to even be a whisper. His shoulders starting to quiver, he felt his heart squeeze in his chest as he barely managed to call out his friend's name and sprinted towards the frozen lake by which a baby deer lied on the snow, barely moving as she failed to respond to any of their voices.

"Fawnie? Fawnie! _Fawnie_!"

Crying out, Natsuki dropped down to the snow and held the fawn in his small arms, only for his eyes to slowly dilate at the scarlet liquid that leaked from her mouth, at how sickly white her skin was. He slowly shook his head as tears welled up at the back of his eyes, calling out to her with a voice filled with pure fear and anguish.

"Fawnie, we're all here now. You're going to be okay... please be okay, Fawnie! Please stay with us!"

As though she had just heard Natsuki, the baby deer's eyes slowly opened, revealing the hollow bluish-white that had always been there as the first tears trickled down Natsuki's cheeks. " _Nacchan..._ " Natsuki shook his head as Dad painfully murmured that Fawnie must have had a disease from birth, which began with her inability to see, his arms tightening around his close animal friend. " _I came out here... because... I... w-wanted to see you... b-before I leave... before... I was g-gone._ "

"B-But you can't g-go." Natsuki nearly choked on his sobs as Mum held his shoulder from behind, tears stinging in his eyes as his heart trembled uncontrollably. "W-Why... do y-you have to be taken a-away...? You wanted to l-live... right...? We were g-going to m-make more b-bright memories... together... right...?"

"M-My parents... left me because... I w-was blind. B-But you... Nacchan... y-you s-stayed even t-though y-you knew that. All I wanted... was a reason... to love... being here. Even if I could n-never see, I w-wanted... to be loved... and to love... and you... gave me that. E-Every single d-day. Y-You let me stay... in y-your heart... just l-like you said... and n-not only that... b-but like you p-promised me t-that spring day..."

Tears leaked from her blind eyes as blood oozed from her lips.

"I... am not... dying... alone." Her lips curved into a weak smile as the snow was dyed a dark red. "E-Even if you... found me l-later... I... w-would not... because... you're in my heart t-too." Her bleats were turning quieter with each word, but her smile lingered as her eyes strained to remain open. "E-Even t-though life... was painful... a-at least... I got... t-to be with you... Nacchan, to b-be your friend... and t-that..."

Fawnie breathed out a painful, shaky breath, tears sinking down to the white snow.

"That... was more t-than enough... for my heart... to c-come alive... Nacchan. I-It... really is."

Her eyes sank to a silent close, not a single trace of her voice remaining in the winter morning. Tears seeping down his cheeks, Natsuki slowly reached a trembling hand towards the baby fawn's neck and tried to feel for a sign of a heartbeat, of a small drop of hope that meant that they might be able to save her. That they would be able to see the spring flowers and lay in the warm sunshine together again. But not a single beat reached his fingertips as her petite body remained limp in his arms, the winter gales howling a melody that felt too cold as warm tears fell away into a numbing silence.

_You were bright... Fawnie._

His knees descending deeper into the snow, he hiccupped between his own sobs as his parents held him tightly, his broken voice whispering his fawn friend's name as the snowflakes floated down the winter morning without a hint of even a single flower.

_The entire time you stayed in my heart... you were incandescent, Fawnie. You are._

The sounds of the melancholic violin slowly slid to a silent closing, like sunshine soundlessly fading into the cold, cold white winter.

...

_Dead..._

...

Not a single heartbeat was heard as the music disappeared. The fourth violin piece had begun with the sound of a beating heart, of a sign of a life that had yet to end, only for the heartbeat to never emerge in the surface ever again, like a soft light that sank into the shadows. He had lost track of time as he stayed there in the forest of snow, cradling the baby deer in his arms as his parents held him tightly, the warmth of tears dissipating into the cold air. It was only after what felt like ages had passed when he finally brought himself to carry Fawnie over to their favourite spot over by where the bush of white flowers where they first met used to be, dug up a hole with help from Mum and Dad, and buried her there. Later that day, he went to a flower shop and bought her a bouquet of white lilies and daisies, representing her bright innocence, which he lied over the place where she had been buried underneath the snow.

_You're awake in my heart now._

Even though the words were meant to be reassuring, it only brought painful tears welling up in his heart as the memories that had been suppressed flickered in his heart like stars that had once lost their light, no longer wandering and lost.

_The memories of you were asleep in my broken heart, but... you've woken up now... right...?_

Taking in a shaky breath, Natsuki slowly opened his eyes, met by a sight blurred by his tears. Letting out that same breath, he took his earbuds out with one hand and lifted his head, only to find both Reiji and Ai staring at him with pure hurt and worry, their eyes glimmering with unshed tears. Natsuki smiled painfully as he shook his head. "I forgot her." He strained to keep his voice even, but the tears in each word were too clear, like a mirror that was too excruciatingly bright. "Fawnie. Just like how we buried her in the snow... her memories w-were buried... in my heart. We d-didn't even h-have a year together, a-and yet... she couldn't stop b-bleeding... in my arms. She c-couldn't... keep her heartbeat... alive."

Lowering his eyes to Ai and Reiji's hands holding his own, Natsuki felt the shards of his broken heart stab him on the inside, like shattered glass that seemed too much like fragments of crystalline snowflakes from afar.

"H-How could I just... forget her...? S-She was my f-friend and yet... e-even though I s-said she stayed... in my heart... I... I j-just-"

His voice shattered into tears as Reiji and Ai stopped him by pulling him forward and into a tight embrace that was so, so painfully filled with warmth; warmth that Fawnie had not have nearly enough time to grasp in this world. He knew that he never meant to forget her, that he loved her too much to ever wish for something like that. And yet... it felt like he had broken his promise to her - his promise that had broken into pieces and now reflected the brightness of the memories that he had forgotten, of the friend that he had lost his memories of. Trembling uncontrollably, Natsuki squeezed his eyes shut and wrapped his arms around Reiji and Ai as they softly reassured him that she did live in his heart. That somewhere in his broken heart, he never forgot her or how she had moved him with her presence. That the fact that Natsuki was crying right now proved it even further. That even though Fawnie was in another place now...

Natsuki, too, was alive in her heart. And because of it, she was smiling.

_"Heroine's Prelude", the last song of the four... was a dedication and recollection of you._

As his body sank into his best friends' arms, the slow cadence of the violin piece rewound itself from the beginning, like the repeating of a movie that slowly grew colour from a black-and-white film.

_It started with a heartbeat. A soft yet strong heartbeat. Followed by a delicate, bittersweet melody from the violin. Bittersweet because our time together began with pure, honest sadness. Delicate because there were so many reasons that could shatter our hearts into pieces. A heartbeat because your heart beat with mine, because we were alive together. The beginning of the heroine that you grew to be, that glowed brightly in the hearts you touched. As the violin sank into painful melancholy, the heartbeat silently disappeared, like how your voice faded into the cold winter sky. The notes were mourning in their cadence, wishing for the warm memories to continue living on as they piled over one another like music sheets telling an endless musical journey, never to fade away, always to linger. But like how the flames of a fireplace faded too soon... so did... so did she._

_But this is better... than never remembering her at all._

The memories of him and Fawnie throughout the four seasons that they got to spend together seeped into his head like flowers of different kinds and colours. Even though it was not a full year, they did have a spring, summer, autumn and winter together. But even if they had not had that much... they still had each other, and he... would never let that slip away from his fingers. Regardless how cold this grief was.

_In my heart, you're alive, Fawnie. Bright, awake... and alive..._

Camus

"So today closes the chapter of the four violin pieces."

"Yeah, but your tone ain't matching your words at all," Ranmaru pointed out, frowning deeply as he leaned against the wall. "There ain't a smidgen of finality there, and as much as I _don't_ like the possibilities behind it, I can freaking tell why." He looked Camus in the eye. "We haven't reached the heart of Natsuki's past yet, have we?"

"Believe me when I tell you that I was much calmer about this prior to Mr and Mrs Shinomiya's revelation about the final violin recital," Camus stated, his voice as grim as his expression as he sat with his right leg folded neatly over his left on the bed. "I was already aware that the fawn's passing was not the trigger of Natsuki's trauma, but what I had _not_ foreseen was the severe extent of that exact trauma." His lips pursed into a thin line. "It is perturbing to even think of what could have happened during the week of his parents' absence."

"And we don't have any leads to top it all of."

"Not yet, at least."

"God."

Ranmaru slammed a fist against the wall as Camus began to mull over the conversation with Natsuki's parents back in the living room. Once the violin recital was over on that harrowing day, the couple had not wasted a second to look for their nine-year-old son. He was missing backstage, having slipped away from the other competitors, and the staff had been unable to locate him to announce him as the winner, having bested every other violinist with his self-composed medley. Mr and Mrs Shinomiya looked for him frantically, only to find Natsuki alone in an empty room with a shattered mirror and countless scattered music sheets. He had hardly responded when his parents approached him, almost like he was trapped in a numbing trance, but what had shocked them the most... was how he, despite being a physically affectionate boy, _flinched_ away when his mother reached for his hand.

 _"Shaking his head, he started trembling and crying harder. Myu, Ran... the look in his eyes then... the bright light that was normally there... was gone. He couldn't even say anything when we tried talking to him and we... we felt so_ useless _seeing Nacchan like that. He couldn't even hug back when we held him in our arms and w-we only let ourselves cry after he fell asleep - most likely Sacchan's doing. It... took days for him to get his brightness back... days in which... Sacchan erased and locked his painful memories away. Days when... he couldn't even smile or ask for a hug."_

Mrs Shinomiya's soft voice had cracked as she recalled that day, shaking her head in utter grief and anguish, and Camus hid his pain in his heart at the memory.

_"Something shattered our baby boy... and we couldn't even begin to know... what it was."_

"I feel as though there may be a detail that we overlooked."

Camus slowly spoke, his voice quiet.

"However, I have yet to pinpoint what it is, exactly. I will need to recall the previous conversation, because I am quite certain that the detail is there. That is the least that I can do for Natsuki for this particular cause."

"Same here."

Ranmaru pulled himself off the wall, nodding briefly.

"But for now, let's head down to the dining room. Dinner's gonna be ready real soon." He grinned slightly. "And we get to spend quality time with kiddo. Natsuki must be wondering what's taking us so long in the guest bedroom."

"Indeed."

Camus let out a deep chuckle as he pulled himself up into standing position.

"A time of recess from these excruciating circumstances is much overdue, would you not agree?"

As he uttered those words, however, the grimness in his gut only sank deeper, like darkness into nightfall. Leaving the guest bedroom with Ranmaru, Camus held back a quiet sigh as he hoped for once that there was a chance of him of being wrong. Because as much as he despised the prospect of being outwardly incorrect...

 _"We felt so_ useless _seeing Nacchan like that."_

... he hated the thought of Natsuki being shattered even more.

Natsuki Shinomiya

Natsuki had fallen asleep much more easily than he thought he would.

After dinner, he, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru, Camus, Mum and Dad had spent warm, quality time together in the living room. Chatting, smiling and laughing over hot chocolate, they had played board games and watched _Bambi_ together, the movie chosen as a small dedication to Fawnie, who would always live in his heart. Even though he had not fully recovered from his sorrow and guilt towards Fawnie, Natsuki could not help but allow the pure warmth of being surrounded by his dearest friends and parents settle in his heart as the seven of them stayed together and created memories that would never disappear into the night. He had ended up falling asleep with his head on Ai's shoulder not long after the movie ended, his exhaustion finally catching up to him like thick white mist, allowing him to sink into his dreams. However...

The dreams did not last.

When he opened his eyes, he knew that the images that he was staring at was not a dream; the feelings in his gut told him in soundless ripples. It was a music room. Spring flowers bloomed outside of the glass window as nine-year-old Natsuki carefully set his music sheets on the music stand, his violin and bow lying outside of their case on the empty table. _Where am I...?_ He did not remember this room, but the child Natsuki seemed to be extremely familiar with where he was. The child version of him was humming with a soft smile gracing his face as he took his violin and bow and got into the violinist stance in front of the music sheets, his green eyes warm with happiness. _But wait... this was during the week of my last violin recital... just days before that performance. Before I even composed the four pieces, including "Eclipsed Crescendo." So-_

The door creaked open and while his younger self turned and smiled, Natsuki swivelled around and his eyes widened.

_I feel like I know you, but... I can't seem to remember from where..._

"Suzanne-sensei!"

 _Sensei...?_

Natsuki whispered in his head as a tall, elegant woman closed the door behind her and smiled warmly at child Natsuki. The woman was young, could not have been any older than thirty-years-old. She was poised and graceful, elegance accentuating her slim figure's every move as waves of silky brown hair swayed in the daylight seeping from the closed window. Wearing a long white dress with a few violet flower imprints, Suzanne gave child Natsuki a smile that would have been described as "dazzling", if not for the ominous feelings shadowing Natsuki's heart. It would have been a lie to say that she was not beautiful on the outside. Not only that, but she seemed to be nice to his younger self, so... why was it so painful seeing himself with her in that music room? 

_Who... are you...? "Sensei"..._

Child Natsuki returned to his violin stance as Suzanne stood by the piano and that was when a sudden recollection flickered inside Natsuki's head like the candlelight in the darkness, causing his heart to thump in his own chest.

_You're... you were my violin teacher when I was a child. Suzanne Hanabusa._

"Ready, Natsuki?"

"Yep, Suzanne-sensei!" 

Child Natsuki replied with a happy smile, his wide green eyes bright with pure light. Natsuki knew himself well enough to tell if the smile he was giving was a truly happy one. And the smile that child Natsuki was giving Suzanne... was definitely a pure and sincere smile, as bright as it was. Yet it did not bring even a drop of calmness or comfort to Natsuki's heart and as confused and concerned as he was, he knew that his heart was not lying to him. 

_If I used to call her "Suzanne", her first name, it meant that she let me, even though she was my teacher and I was her student. Were we... close then?_

He silently observed as child Natsuki positioned his fingers on the violin and bow and the violin on his left shoulder, the young boy's face softening into a serene gaze.

_Could she be another close friend I forgot... because of what happened with the violin?_

Closing his eyes, child Natsuki let out a soft breath and began moving the bow across the strings, allowing a gentle melody to flow throughout the entire room. Even though he did not recognize the song, something in Natsuki's heart throbbed at the sounds of the melody. It was a ballad; slow, sentimental and beautiful, evoking emotions of pure love and harmony. _Love..._ The word resounded gently in his soul, like a petal delicately touching clear water. _Love..._ Natsuki noticed how his younger self did not stop smiling as he played to his heart's content, his eyes remaining gently closed as he did not have the need to glance at the music stand even once, the sheets left untouched. _This song was for Suzanne._

His heart squeezed painfully in his chest at the quiet realization as the cadence of the violin flowed like the waves of the kind, tranquil sea.

_During that spring, I fell in love with my violin teacher... and played the song that I had written for her. This was how I confessed: through music. Through a ballad pieced to life from the memories of a brilliant full moon and soft white sand that I once saw at the southern seas. And its name... the name of the song... it was-_

The seven-lettered name that reverberated in his head caused his heart to waver as shock numbed his body, even as the violin continued to play impeccably.

_"Satsuki." I named the violin piece dedicated to her... "Satsuki." The name that Sacchan eventually took as his own. But why... why would Sacchan use that name-_

"That was beautiful, Natsuki, dear."

The sounds of clapping interrupted Natsuki's thoughts. His eyes widening, Natsuki blinked and shifted his attention back to the scene, in which Suzanne was applauding child Natsuki as she beamed.

"What a wonderful, self-composed piece. The fact that you allowed me to be the first to hear it already made me feel so honoured, but oh my... now that I've heard it, I'm so much happier than I thought I would be, Natsuki. Much more than you know."

Child Natsuki's eyes lit up with true warmth, but Natsuki felt his head and heart throb in even more pain.

"So now..." Suzanne's smile widened. "I'd like to return the feelings."

The violin teacher proceeded to step towards the window and close the curtains, stopping the daylight from flowing into the music room. She then approached the door and locked it with a key that she left in the lock, before slowly closing in on child Natsuki, who tilted his head in innocent confusion. Suzanne bent down in front of Natsuki, her brown eyes soft, and leaned towards him, her lips slowly inching closer. Child Natsuki blinked in pure confusion as he glanced around, but it was when he looked down when-

"Stop."

His voice was trembling as he backed away from Suzanne. From her hand that nearly touched his small thigh.

"What... What are you doing... sensei?"

"Why," Suzanne replied, flashing him a smile. Except that it was a different kind of smile. Darker. Filled with intent, "you were confessing your love for me in your own way, so I thought that I would proclaim my love in my own way, dear. Through gestures beyond even music itself. Come here so that I can show you, Nacchan." She used his nickname as she reached a hand out to him. "Come closer so that we can continue-"

"No, sensei." Natsuki's voice broke as she flinched away, glancing towards the door as tears welled up at the back of his eyes, his heart trembling with agony and fear. "I... I don't k-know what you're d-doing, but my heart... it tells me I c-can't. I _can't_ -"

"Don't be afraid, Natsuki." Her voice was too sweet, too soothing, to the point that it made child Natsuki feel too sick in the stomach. Each step she took, he quickly moved back another, even as she flashed him another smile that was starting to look falsely kind. "If it makes you feel any better, we can start with you letting me take your clothes off, starting with your shirt. Oh, I can't _wait_ to see you without a-"

"Stop this, sensei!" Child Natsuki cried out, tears trickling down his cheeks as he spun around and bolted for the door. Just as his right hand reached the key, a hand grabbed his left arm and yanked him back. His heart froze as he flinched in pain and fear. "Please just let me go. P-Please-"

"We don't let go of the ones we love, Nacchan." Her voice whispered into his ear, deceivingly soft as chills ran down his spine. "You know what this means, right, dear boy? It means... that I won't let you go."

"No-"

"I love you, Natsuki-"

"Stop!"

His voice breaking, child Natsuki pushed her away with all of the strength that he could gather, unlocked the door, and ran away from the music room as fast as he could as tears streamed down his cheeks. _She tried to_ touch _me... when I didn't want her to... She knew I didn't want it and y-yet... yet..._ Nearly choking on his sobs, Natsuki sprinted out of the building, not caring if anyone saw him cry, and towards the meadows that he always visited whenever he had violin classes, towards his animal friends whom he knew would stay with him at a time like this. _Yet... she didn't stop. She kept coming closer when she knew I was crying and..._

_W-Why...?_

She had tried to kiss him even though he was too young.

_I did love her, but I didn't want... that. I never wanted it and she knew it._

She had reached for his thigh when no one was supposed to touch him like that.

_She knew I was in so much pain and yet she wouldn't stop. And so she..._

She did not stop smiling as she tried to force herself onto him, even as tears began to fall from his wide eyes.

_She then took everything. The song, the memories, everything..._

The image of her cruel smile and her hand reaching towards him flashed into his head like a cold siren.

_... and left me broken apart._

"S... Stop."

He choked out as he slowly opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling in his bedroom in his family residence, tears burning in his vision as the memories pieced together in a shattered puzzle that had revealed a twisted reality that had been suppressed for years. Facing the dark ceiling underneath which everyone else remained fast asleep, Natsuki felt his heart crack audibly as he let out a broken sob, his body quivering underneath the quilt, shattering under the weight of regaining everything that had been forgotten, everything that was breaking him in silence as he cried.

"S-Stop hurting me... s-stop it... please... please."

_"I've seen... the cruel ending_

_And I'm... the same as well_

_I keep on living even if I lose something_

_Time eats into_

_This unchanging fate"_

\- "Fiction", by Reiji Kotobuki (Showtaro Morikubo) and Ai Mikaze (Shouta Aoi)


	71. Idyllic Innocence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Child Sexual Abuse (CSA)

Natsuki Shinomiya

When Natsuki was still a child, Mum and Dad told him a myriad of beautiful fairy-tales from children's books. Whether he was tucked into bed or sitting on either of his parents' laps, he would often ask questions about the stories and smile warmly at how magical, as well as beautiful and emotional, each of the tales were, at how the protagonists got their happy endings at the end. There were also often times when he would tear up at the scenes where the characters he loved got hurt and it sometimes even left him crying softly into his parents' arms as they held him and whispered that everything would be okay. Even when he knew that the stories were not real, it still felt like the characters had become his own friends, so seeing them hurt made him sad as well. And thinking back to all those times, he could not help but feel truly warmed and touched that his parents had never made fun of him for it like many of his schoolmates had, and would instead, let him hold them while they held him.

But while most of the stories had their own heartwarming endings, all of them had their own painful scenes filled with sadness. And there were times when even the happy endings were not nearly enough for that sadness to be forgotten.

One of the fairy tales that he remembered the clearest was _Cinderella_. The story did have its heartfelt ending, which even now was able to make him smile on the inside, but no matter how many years passed by, he never forgot how dark and saddening parts of the tale were. How Cinderella's stepmother and stepsisters abused her for years. How she had cried alone in her room after being hurt by those whom she was supposed to be able to call "family". And countless other instances, even if they were not even as long as a minute. A particular scene that Natsuki had carried in his heart and thought about over the years was the time when the clock struck midnight, signalling the end of a night of miracles.

_I know that when the night of the ball ended, Cinderella was smiling sincerely, having gotten to dance and fall in love, just like she always wanted. But... thinking back... it's terrifying to see a night of miracles gradually disappear before your very eyes. One by one, the miracles that her Fairy Godmother granted her vanished as everything was reverted to the way it was before, almost like the night itself never even happened. It's painfully reminiscent to an illusion being lifted from a bright, magical night, stars being stolen away by the wind from the dark night sky, leaving a hand holding a shattered heart that can only shine because of the cold, blue moonlight. Moonlight, which, on some nights, may not even be seen._

_I don't want what brightens my heart the most... to ever disappear into the dark._

_Please don't... take that away._

The hand that reached for his thigh that spring afternoon in the music room had held his heart and shattered it into fragments. It was a hand belonging to someone he had loved, trusted, as a little boy and yet... yet...

_Please don't break my heart... and make me fall into the darkness... by lying with words saying you love me... only to hurt me over and over again._

She smiled when she knew she was hurting him.

_Stop... please stop... and please... let me go..._

Natsuki clutched his head with one head as warm tears dribbled down his face, his lips quivering with sobs.

_Let... me breathe..._

Barely managing to sit up on the bed, Natsuki curled into himself as he brought his knees closer to his chest and cried softly, not at all sure how to take in the memories that had just shattered through him in his sleep like knifes piercing through a sky made out of glass that had been meant to be broken apart this whole time, even if those underneath it had not noticed at all. His head was aching and whirling with floods of images and trauma as he nearly choked on his tears that were dampening his sleepwear and hugged his fawn plushie tightly, even though he knew that no matter how tightly he held onto it, he was still slipping away and drowning into his own past that he had just remembered after more than ten years of being protected from it. 

_Suzanne-sensei... She was my violin teacher throughout my time as a violinist and yet she... My heart wasn't even the only part of me she broke... through what she did to me, she broke my parents' hearts and Rei-Rei, Ai-chan, Myu-chan and Maru-chan too and... How do I tell them about all this...? How do I tell them that my violin teacher tried to_ touch _me in that room when they've already suffered because I suffered? Where do I even begin? How do I even start?_

Natsuki squeezed his eyes shut tightly, to the point that it nearly hurt, as he clutched his chest, his breaths trembling with his voice.

_It... It's going to break their hearts again... I don't... I don't wan-_

Suzanne's hand flashed inside his head again, like a broken lantern, and he suddenly felt nausea constricting his throat and chest like rope. Covering his mouth, Natsuki stumbled towards the end of the bed and rushed towards the bathroom, trying to not to choke on his sobs as he knelt in front of the toilet bowl and threw up. Unable to stop crying, he could feel tears dribbling down his cheeks as sobs spilled out and the tight pain intensified in his chest, his entire body quivering uncontrollably like a leaf in a storm, his heart breaking like glass. Sweat broke at the back of his neck as he tightened his grip on the toilet bowl and tried to inhale and exhale, only for his cries to cut him off just about every time he tried to even his breathing. Yet no matter how much spilled out from his lips, no matter how much his heart and body trembled, it kept hurting. It hurt, it hurt, it h-

"Nattsun!"

An alarmed, worried voice rang through his ears. He wanted to turn around, but nausea gnawed at him again and he threw up into the toilet bowl even more as he coughed violently in between broken sobs and hiccups. The sounds of hurried footsteps vaguely reached his ears as a pair of warm arms surrounded him from behind and a couple of hands gently pulling his hair to the back. "S-Sorry... I woke... y-you guys up... like this-"

"You do not have to worry about that, Natsuki."

Camus interrupted gently, his voice quiet and even.

"At this very moment, ensuring that you will be fine is our main priority."

"I'll go boil hot water for kiddo."

"I will prepare his spare pyjamas."

"A-All of y-you guys are-"

"Shh..." Reiji spoke in a hushed voice, running a hand up and down his back soothingly as tears dripped from Natsuki's eyes and his lips quivered. His voice, however, was tinged with pure pain and worry. "We are all always gonna be here for you, ya know. That isn't ever changing, and that's because we love our dear Nattsun so, so much. So right now, focus on our hands and voices and take a deep breath. We're gonna focus on calming you down, alright?"

Natsuki attempted to breath in, only to cough on a sob as he threw up a bit more.

"It's okay, Nattsun." Reiji squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. "Try again when you're ready. Take all the time you need." Nodding slightly, Natsuki took in a deep, shaky breath, his heart squeezing in his chest. "You're doing amazing. Now slowly let it out, Nattsun."

Natsuki followed Reiji's words and did his best to slowly exhale, even as his breath quivered. A relieved smile was heard in Reiji's voice as he squeezed Natsuki's shoulder again and told him to repeat the process, with Camus noting that he had calmed down to a slight degree. Trying to push through the pain, Natsuki repeated the process, inhaling and exhaling as his heartbeat thumped loudly in his aching head. As he progressed, however, the images of Suzanne's cruel smile and hand flashed inside his head and Natsuki flinched as his heart wrenched in his chest. "No matter what it is on your mind, Natsuki, do not forget that we are all by your side and are not about to walk out on you. Precisely like Reiji previously mentioned, focus on our voices and take the time to look after yourself right now."

A lump trapped in his throat, Natsuki blinked through his tears and turned his head to his right, only to find Camus facing him with serious ice-blue eyes that were gentle at the same time.

"Everything else can be handled later. We are looking after you now, understand?"

Natsuki turned to his left and faced Reiji, who gave him a painful smile as he patted the younger blond on the back, nodding in agreement to Camus' words. Sniffling, Natsuki nodded weakly at both of his dearest friends and whispered, "Thank you." He coughed into the toilet bowl and hung his head as he took in another deep breath and exhaled it out, hoping it would be over soon as Camus and Reiji muttered and whispered reassuringly to him. No more vomit came out after a couple more moments, but he still felt nauseous on the inside and he could still feel the painful tears welling up in his heart and the back of his eyes, the memories plaguing his heart like shadows. 

When Natsuki finally pulled away from the toilet bowl, Camus handed him some tissues and Reiji flushed the toilet bowl, and he shook his head with a pained sigh. Sitting on the cold bathroom floor, Natsuki wiped his mouth with the tissues as Reiji and Camus held him gently and Ai appeared in the doorway with teal eyes tinged with concern. "Natsuki, would you like us to wake your parents up?"

"I d-" Natsuki let out a painful sob as a few tears fell down his cheeks. "I d-don't... I don't k-know how I c-can tell them... t-that I... got my memories... back. T-That when I... was asleep... I f-found out w-what happened... t-that caused... Sacchan to c-come out... t-that hurt everyone..."

"You got your memories back, Nattsun?" Reiji asked softly, gazing at Natsuki in pure worry as his arm tightened around the latter's back. "The memories that have been locked inside of you this whole time?"

"Y-Yep," his heartbeat wavered as fear, sadness and anguish wrenched his heart all at once, "b-but you... y-you guys a-are going to... t-to be so, so _hurt_ -"

"Us being hurt is not going to hinder any of us from listening to what you have to say," Camus stopped him again, his fingers curling around Natsuki's shoulder tighter as he shook his head grimly. "All of us have had the presentiment of what your past comprised of, although neither of us could have foreseen the memories abruptly emerging the night of the same day you remembered your animal friend's demise - a fact that is truly as twisted as it sounds. Nevertheless," his ice-blue eyes softened marginally, "there is not anything that you could possibly say that would change our minds."

"But before we discuss this topic further, your stomach is empty, and it will only serve to hurt you if you do not have a proper meal soon."

Ai took a step into the bathroom as Ranmaru appeared in the doorway, his teal eyes calm but concerned as Natsuki dropped the used tissues into the dustbin.

"I have prepared your pyjamas and Ranmaru has brought you a mug of hot water. It would be reassuring if you changed out of your current clothing first."

_Change... c... clothes..._

_"If it makes you feel any better, we can start with you letting me take your clothes off, starting with your shirt."_

Suzanne's smiling voice reverberated inside his head like haunting ghouls and Natsuki winced as his shoulders quivered. However, the hands holding him carefully lifted him up to his feet on the floor and even through his cold memories, he could feel the warmth of his best friends' eyes and hands touch him in the heart, even though the pain of that same warmth was breaking him, just like the unconcealed worry and anguish in their expressions that they were leaving unsaid for his sake. 

_They are not her. Rei-Rei, Ai-chan, Maru-chan, Myu-chan... they all aren't her. Of course I know that._

Lying neatly on the bed was a pair of white pyjamas with brown teddy bear patterns - one of his favourites. Letting out a quivering breath, Natsuki slowly extended his hands towards the first few buttons of the shirt that clung to his body due to the sweat from earlier, his eyes staring blankly at the pyjamas on the bed as tears stung in his eyes, his heartbeat thumping too loudly in his ears and head, the memories flashing too brightly in his mind and heart.

_So why..._

The fingers holding his shirt were trembling violently.

_Why won't... it hurt any less...?_

_"It means... that I won't let you go."_

"Nats-"

"Y-You were... my teacher... right...?"

The words slipped out of Natsuki's lips, weak and quivering, his voice small.

"Y-You knew... it hurt... y-you were hurting m-me... S-So why... why did you k-keep t-trying to... touch... me...? A-And now... S-Stop... p-please stop... S-Stop-"

_"I love you-"_

"You're h-hurting me-"

A voice called his name, soft yet at the same time, somehow loud and familiar enough to pull him out of his shattered thoughts. Vaguely grasping himself, he felt himself being turned around and pulled into a hug that was extremely tight and protective, strong and warm arms wrapping around him, hands pressing onto his back. The hug was ensued by more hands reaching for and holding him, on the back of his head, his shoulders, his back, along with voices that were quiet yet painfully resonating with reassurances and tears that may or may not have fallen. The true, nearly painful warmth that was radiating from everyone, the silent wavers of their voices that reflected their hurt and sadness, how all of it reminded him all over again how cold and broken his heart was on his own... That was when he could not take it anymore and silently broke down into tears and cries as he buried his face into Reiji's shoulder, shattering little by little as he let them hold him, his own arms hugging Reiji tightly with fear and anguish, almost as though letting go even a little would take him back to the music room, to the lightless room and that violin teacher- He could not go back. 

He did not... want to go back. 

"Please d-don't take me b-back to her..."

He wept softly, tears trickling down his cheeks as he felt tears falling onto the back of his own shirt, his trembling hands grasping the fabric of Reiji's tightly.

"P-Please... please don't l-let me go..."

Camus

Regardless if it was readily confessed or denied, all five of them had had their own place of solitude and solace, prior to truly coming together as the quintet that they were now. It did not need to be a physical place like a room, garden or balcony. It did not need to be grand or sophisticated either. Sometimes that solitary place merely existed in the figment of one's imagination, a small space that was a work of the mind's fiction and the heart's emotions, even if it sounded more hurtful than it offered a form of consolation.

He was reminded of a place that he had not visited in years, given how it was located in his country of origin.

_A place of prayer._

Located in the country of everlasting winter that was Permafrost, it was a quiet yet timeless place where he could allow his royal duties to dissipate from his hardened mind like white vapour and forget how he was a legitimate son born only out of obligation and a count, even if merely for a speck of an ephemeral moment. Camus had lost count of the number of times that he had carefully pushed open the immense, grand double doors, silently stepped along the straight carpet and taken a seat on one of the sturdy, mahogany wooden benches that made up the front row. He had always gone on his own, appreciating the fact that he could stay for as long as his heart that had been deemed to be encased in ice desired without being interrupted, the pristine atmosphere untainted regardless how much time flowed by, almost as though the place did not age by even the slightest ounce. The stained glass windows glistened with delicate colours of a rainbow that he had not had the privilege of idly dreaming of as the walls glowed with a bright, icy blue. 

It was almost as though the interior was made of ice itself, except that it never brought a shrill cold numbing its way through his heart like snowdrift. A small figure in a vast, grandiose place, he would notice how the pale sunlight would filter through the prismatic colours of the windows, puddles of light lingering on the untainted floor, conjuring out a quiet confession of how seamlessly fitting such a place could have been for a wedding. Not a wedding out of obligation like that of his biological parents, but a wedding of true love, even if the only ones there besides the priest were simply the bride and groom. A prayer for eternal love and happiness, vows of dedication and strength, a kiss once the heartfelt "I do"s had been uttered... Such a timeless memory would have been perfect to unveil itself in a timeless place, like how a man's tender hands carefully parted the translucent veils of his bride. While he never attended a wedding in this particular place, imagining one while standing by the altar did make his heart come in soundless contact with certain emotions that fellow royalty would have defined as "vulnerability."

 _Just like how you do not need music to play in the background in order to sing a near silent ballad, a blade is unneeded to hurt your own self. Sometimes the utterance of unconcealed irony is enough to send a cold echo reverberating inside a heart that was already cold on its own. The recollection of that holy place gives way to the memory of one of the first classics that I have ever read: the tragic romance that was William Shakespeare's_ Romeo and Juliet _. They had been wedded in a Friar Lawrence's cell without the presence of anyone but them three, and yet it was much deeper and precious than any of the royal marriages that took place in grand places in front of crowds of people. Romeo and Juliet's place of solace were within each other... which was why they each took their own life when they presumed the other to be deceased. What was meant to be a clandestine place of solace and warmth was played by fate into the burial of a forbidden romance turned to a tragedy._

_While I was fortunate enough to have that place of prayer with those stained glass windows and that mahogany bench remain a distant yet timeless memory, however..._

The raindrops that did not exist for a place to turn cold rolled down the other side of the glass windows like the tears that did not need to fall for a broken soul to cry.

_Natsuki's place was irrevocably stained and damaged... like a wedding vow altered by a twisted change in fate, silent solace morphed into hollow loneliness and grief._

A small, sorrowful smile appeared on his lips as Camus sat on his part of the bed and watched over Natsuki, who remained fast asleep between him and Reiji. It was just shy of five o' clock in the morning. His back leaning back against the firm headboard, Camus gently carded his fingers through the younger boy's sunshine blond locks as the distant sounds of falling rain blended in the background of the memories rippling within his head. Last night had been wrenched in broken revelations and dark implications. Awoken by the strangled sounds of vomiting, Camus, Reiji, Ranmaru and Ai had hurried to the bathroom and found Natsuki kneeling by the toilet bowl, his face pallid as tears fell from his eyes that were filled with broken trauma. Almost immediately, a cold, ominous feeling had sunk into Camus' gut with the cruel implication that it was not Fawnie's demise that had shattered Natsuki but rather, a different reason that was much more excruciating and perhaps, even twisted. Deep inside himself, however, he had truly hoped that this time, his gut was _wrong_. For while he despised being wrong, he hated the prospect of Natsuki being further wounded even more. 

While they were alone, he, Reiji, Ai and Ranmaru had unanimously agreed that the trigger of their closest friend's trauma and alter ego had yet to reveal itself from the shadows, except that they had no lead as to precisely what it was. Not once would they have ever thought that of every single possible ordeal that could have left a gaping wound in his heart... it was his own violin teacher's attempt at sexually abusing him as a child, before that same teacher proceeded to steal his self-composed song dedicated to her, its title winding up as the name of the alter ego born from his broken soul. Placing a hand over Natsuki's forehead, Camus closed his eyes and felt his fingers come in contact with mild heat radiating off skin as his heart ached with the remembrance of how they had held the innocent boy tightly during the time in which he slowly told them everything that he remembered.

At first, Camus had thought it to be a pure coincidence when Natsuki flinched at Ai's words telling him to change clothes.

_"She locked t-the door... and moved closer..."_

However, his blood proceeded to run cold when Natsuki further went numb when he was about to unbutton his pyjama shirt, the expression in his normally-bright green eyes dimmed into pure agony and trauma.

_"She tried to kiss me... and it was then when I saw her hand... reaching for my t-thigh."_

Immediately, he, Reiji, Ai and Ranmaru had turned and given one another shocked, horrified looks, undoubtedly coming to the exact same cold conclusion, and their hearts had cracked when Natsuki's soft, tortured confession reached their ears, like the echoes of a melody that would always be as flawed as it was in pieces. 

_"S-She wouldn't s-stop..."_

And Camus could not deny the ache spreading across his throbbing heart as he silently took in each and every word and waver, holding Natsuki on the shoulder as each fragment of truth stabbed through their hearts like shards of glass.

_"She's n-not here and yet... it hurts so, so m-much..."_

Leaving their hearts bare and broken even as the five of them remained with one another in the dimly-lit bedroom, irreversible scars and lesions etched across the night that had already been cold with the fallen rain.

"... let... go..."

A small, quivering voice pulled Camus out of his recollections and made him open his eyes, only for him to find Natsuki shifting in his sleep, the younger blond's expression filled with sheer agony. "Natsuki?" Concerned, Camus wrapped a hand around Natsuki's shoulder, hoping to console him. "Natsuki, are you awake-"

"P-Please..."

Natsuki's hand suddenly reached up and gripped Camus', causing the latter's eyes to widen as the younger blond whimpered softly.

"D-Don't... please don't..."

"Natsuki," Camus tried again, gently shaking Natsuki on the shoulder as the latter's fingers tightened around his, maintaining a calm, quiet voice. "Natsuki, you have nothing to worry about. It's me, Camus, not that former violin teacher of yours. She is nowhere near you and you have me and the rest of QUARTET NIGHT to defend and protect you if she ever makes a reappearance."

Camus reached his free hand forward to gently tousle Natsuki's blond hair, his heart silently beating in both pain and sadness for him, his mind choosing to ignore how Natsuki's grip on his other hand was beginning to be painfully tight.

"Do you hear me, Natsuki?"

He shook Natsuki on the shoulder again and it was then when the younger blond slowly opened his eyes, revealing warm tears within a gentle emerald as his lips quivered. Letting out a trembling exhale, Natsuki carefully turned to their joint hands and his eyes widened slightly when he found Camus facing him. "M-Myu... chan...?" Relinquishing a relieved sigh, Camus nodded with a slight smile and as though only now realizing how tightly he was gripping Camus' hand, Natsuki loosened his grip before letting go entirely, pain and guilt flashing across his face. "Did I hurt you... Myu-chan...?"

"You did no such thing, Natsuki," Camus replied, giving him a small squeeze on the shoulder. "You were in the midst of having a nightmare and your subconscious must have mistaken my hand as that of your former violin teacher. You need not worry about it, however. It is completely understandable." Natsuki lowered his eyes and Camus felt his heart ache dully. "If it assuages you, you are more than welcome to talk about what happened. I will be more than glad to listen."

"It's... not that... Myu-chan." Natsuki slowly began to pull himself up and Camus did not hesitate to help him up by the back and shoulder. "I just don't understand... why it hurts so much. I know that she's not here and that everyone here with me is everyone I love and care about the most and yet... yet I can't stop the pain from repeating itself now that I remember what happened that day." His hand reached up and gripped his chest tightly, the fabric of his shirt crumpled as tears stung in his eyes. "I s-shouldn't be feeling this sad or hurt and yet I do and now... now I'm just hurting everyone a-and my parents are going to be so hurt when they find out and I... I-"

His voice broke audibly as tears trickled down his cheeks.

"I already hurt all of you by not saying anything back then. A-And now... I'm hurting you again and I'm so, so s-sorry. I'm sorry-

Refusing to allow this to proceed any longer, Camus interrupted Natsuki by pulling him by the arm into his own arms, holding the pure-hearted blond gently but firmly as he rested his chin on the latter's shoulder. "None of this is your fault, Natsuki, my dear friend." His voice was a soft murmur as he ran a hand up and down the younger boy's trembling back, each quiver and tearful syllable resonating painfully in his chest. "It was not your fault all those years ago and neither is it at this very moment. Your violin teacher betrayed you in more ways than one and the blame falls entirely on her, not you. You know me well enough to know that I am not lying to you." 

Closing his own eyes, Camus wrapped his arms around him tighter as Natsuki let out a quiet sob, allowing a faint yet pained smile to reach his lips. 

"You had spent far too long being painfully selfless to the extent that it wounded your heart. Believe me when I tell you that we are sincerely grateful that you made the decision to confide in us rather than confine your feelings of pain and sorrow within yourself like you had done for years. And now, we are doing everything in our power to keep you safe, to protect you. Do not worry about work because Ai has made certain to cancel the jobs that you needed to do for today. Neither do you need to worry about hurting your parents because you could never hurt anyone, let alone them. It is the violin teacher who caused the hurt, not you. So quite frankly, you could not have been more incorrect when you said that you were hurting everyone, because you could never. You are simply too kind and considerate to do so."

Camus slowly pulled away just enough to look deeply into Natsuki's green eyes, his gaze serious but tender.

"These emotions of hurt, grief and betrayal may be irreversible, but fragment by fragment, tear by tear, we will all piece your heart back together. You held your heart out to us in your hand, worn on your sleeve, and..." His face softened, just like his quiet voice and the heart beating in his chest. "We will hold your heart for as long as you wish for us to, without ever allowing it to fall, understand? We... we cherish you too much to let go."

_We love you._

Natsuki's gentle green eyes were wide with tears as they stared into Camus' own, the light within them trembling with emotion. Slowly releasing a long, shaky exhale, Natsuki held his gaze as warm tears trickled down his cheeks and while his expression was still filled with heart-wrenching sadness and anguish, he blinked and let his face ease into a small smile that did reflect his pain but was nevertheless pure and tinged with warmth. It was a vulnerable smile, but it was also a smile that reminded Camus of how close the two of them had grown to each other, how much they trusted each other. "Myu-chan..." His voice a soft, delicate whisper, Natsuki leaned forward and pulled Camus into a second hug, and Camus could hear the younger blond's heartbeat thump and waver from the side of his neck. "Can we stay like this... a bit longer... please...?"

It was a question as innocent and vulnerable as his smile. Not only that, but it was an answer to Camus' words, an indirect conveyance of pure trust, and it made emotions well up even more strongly within Camus' heart. Letting out a couple of soft, deep chuckles, Camus allowed his lips to curve into a faint smile and wrapped his arms protectively around Natsuki, nodding briefly into his shoulder. "For as long as you wish, Natsuki. As long as you wish."

"Thank you... Myu-chan."

Natsuki tightened his arms around Camus, warmth trickling into his quiet voice.

"Thank you... for loving me..."

Those words made Camus' eyes widen marginally, causing his breath to be caught in the hollow of his throat much more palpably than anything else during this moment that they were sharing. _You do not need tears to cry_ , was a thought that had occurred inside his mind while he was awake and contemplating on his own. The words had sank like clear water within the darkness of his mind, but were now echoing like the harrowing yet painfully earnest wish of a ghost that desired to hold onto something precious and tangible for at least a while longer; haunting yet soulfully beautiful. Now realizing even further simply how deep and honest those words were, Camus smiled softly and held Natsuki close to him, pressing one hand against his back firmly as his other hand soothingly combed through his wavy blond hair. _That is true._ He closed his eyes and murmured gentle reassurances as he listened to his closest friend's heartbeat gradually slow down towards a normal rate, an exact measurement of which could only be attained by Ai, and hummed. 

_Too earnestly true._

It was not long until Natsuki fell asleep in his arms, clearly exhausted in more ways than one. With a heart from which tears that may not have reached the eyes had been made, Camus slowly tucked the younger boy back into his space in the middle of the bed, pulling the quilt over the lower half of his body, and released a soft sigh as he placed a hand over Natsuki's forehead again. The heat was still there; he made a mental note to inform Natsuki's parents, Reiji, Ai and Ranmaru about slight fever. Unable to help but be relieved and grateful that Natsuki was able to return to sleep, Camus extended a hand towards the bedside table and took the classic that he had borrowed from the living room bookshelf - William Shakespeare's _Romeo and Juliet_ \- and thought of how their places of solace within one another could never be shattered or worn down by age or any other element, even if the physical places were.

Turning to the page where he had stopped reading, Camus gazed down at Natsuki and murmured a few words that he was fortunate enough to have the privilege of saying without an ounce of pretence:

"Likewise." His voice was quiet. "Thank you as well, for loving me."

...

At least an hour had passed until anyone else in the quintet rose from their sleep. Ai was mildly surprised to see Camus more than halfway through _Romeo and Juliet_ and sipping his third cup of rose milk tea. Reiji and Ranmaru woke up at nearly the same time less than an hour after Ai, their initial sleepiness dissipating once the memories of the night before were recalled by their minds. Camus silently informed the three of what had occurred between himself and Natsuki, as well as the latter's mild fever, and the four males agreed to let Natsuki sleep in. His jobs for today were cancelled and while the remaining four of them still had idol work to do, they had cancelled most of them and rearranged their schedules in such a way that at least one of them would remain with Natsuki. 

"Nacchan has a fever?"

Mrs Shinomiya's eyes widened with worry when everyone except Natsuki were having breakfast at the dining table.

"Was he able to sleep last night? Did he maybe wake up in the middle of the night?"

Mr Shinomiya's expression was concerned and Camus concealed a grimace behind his calm face. While the four of them had made several necessary adjustments in order to aid Natsuki, conversing with his parents... was undoubtedly the most intricate and difficult of all that they knew needed to be done. There were only a couple of options and if he were to be brutally honest, hiding the truth would only serve to be detrimental for everyone, especially Natsuki. The other viable option, however, was to inform the two parents of the developments regarding their son. The only problem was... whether it was truly Camus, Reiji, Ranmaru and Ai's place to do so. However, the decision was made when Reiji faced both Shinomiyas and with a pained expression, slowly spoke.

"Nattsun regained the rest of his memories last night."

Pure anguish flashed across the older brunet's face.

"He told us, but... I don't think that you should be hearing it from us. Nattsun would want to be the one to tell you and the four of us thought that it... would be best."

"Rei..." Natsuki's father began, his voice softer than usual, filled with utter shock as he stared at them with the exact same emotion. "You... you boys know?"

"We know the truth." Ai nodded, a sorrowful smile flitting across his lips. "But we also agreed with what Reiji mentioned. Sir, miss... we are aware that you have every right to know, but we are uncertain that it is our place to inform you of-"

" _Please_."

Natsuki's mother abruptly stopped Ai, her voice faltering.

"Rei, Myu, Ran, Ai... if you know what happened, please tell us. We have spent more than ten years not knowing what happened to our baby boy that week we were gone, that _broke_ him on the inside when he has never hurt anyone. We are letting Nacchan get all the sleep he needs, but right now... if you really know... please tell us." A tear leaked from Mrs Shinomiya's right eye as she stared at them with eyes tortured with pure grief. "We... We don't want to spend another moment having no clue what happened to Nacchan... so please... please tell us the truth. Tell us what broke our son's heart."

"But Mrs Shinomiya-"

"I know that it's Nacchan's memories, but it's okay. I-"

"Suzanne-sensei tried to touch me."

Everyone froze at the sound of that small, quiet voice. Barely recovering from his state of shock, Camus turned around and found Natsuki standing in the doorway with tears threatening to fall from his green eyes as he faced them with quivering shoulders. "She tried to touch me." Reiji and Ranmaru got up from their seats and gently led Natsuki to sit between them and right in front of his parents, whose expressions were flooded with shock, hurt and disbelief all at once as even more tears began to well up in their eyes. His hand intertwined with Reiji's, Natsuki let out a shaky breath and told his parents everything, beginning from the song that he had composed to what Suzanne had attempted to do up until the very end, each fragment of the story shattering all seven of them piece by piece amid the cold, imperfect silence. As soon as they reached the end, Mr and Mrs Shinomiya stumbled towards the other side of the table and pulled their son into a tight embrace of cries and tears. And it only took a single glance between them for Camus, Reiji, Ai and Ranmaru to wordlessly join the family hug, arms wrapped around the Shinomiyas, in a morning when tears fell even louder than the rain.

Within hearts that were irreversibly broken as they clung to one another for a solace that could never be attained alone.

Cecil Aijima

"We brought you flowers, Tokiya!"

"You did not have to, Aijima-san, Otoya," Tokiya answered with a slight smile as a beaming Otoya placed the bouquet of pink chrysanthemums, white lilies and yellow sunflowers into the simple vase that Cecil brought. "With enough rest, I will be fine. These flowers are beautiful, however. Did you choose them yourself?"

"Of course!" Cecil answered, smiling sincerely. "A special bouquet for a special friend. The florist was kind enough to lend us her assistance when Otoya and I were trying to decide amongst countless different kinds of gorgeous combinations." His face turned warmer. "We hope that these flowers can soothe your soul."

"They do, Aijima-san."

Tokiya's lips slanted slightly.

"Thank you."

The three of them were alone in Tokiya, Masato and Syo's shared bedroom in Shining's mansion. The day before, the doctor at the hospital had allowed Tokiya to return home with the rest of STARISH, but with strict instructions. With his ankle sprained and his shoulder's stab wound caused by the deranged Hayato fangirls, Tokiya was prohibited from doing any vigorous activities that would further strain his body, especially extensive training or dance routines. He was also strongly advised to take at least a couple of days off idol work in order to focus on his recovery, which Cecil, Otoya, Ren, Masato and Syo had insisted he followed when Tokiya tried arguing that he could at least attend vocal practice and oversee the concert preparations. 

All of them knew that Tokiya was a strong individual, but it was also not a secret that he could be quite reckless when it came to caring for his well-being. So it had been quite a struggle to convince him to rest for the entire day _and_ to let the rest of them adjust their schedules so that they could take turns looking after him. Thankfully, he did relent after receiving grim warnings from Ren and Masato of how his condition could worsen should he exert too much pressure upon himself. Being two of the most mature of the group, Ren and Masato could truly be collectively persuasive when they were not bickering with each other. As the freezing rain cascaded outside the glass windows barely concealed by thick purple curtains, Cecil chuckled as Otoya told Tokiya a joke that he heard today, to which the latter rubbed his temple with a soft sigh, the atmosphere warmed with their shared camaraderie.

"Syo and Ren are coming home soon too! They said that they just had to pick something u... Whoa, is that another bouquet?"

Otoya's expression was filled with awe and a curious Cecil turned and his eyes widened. Sitting in an elegant purple vase on Tokiya's study table in the corner of the room was another flower bouquet that the two younger STARISH members had not noticed upon entering the room. One glance was more than enough for Cecil to be left speechless at just how gorgeous it was. It was roughly the same size as Cecil and Otoya's, but while theirs were more towards a light and optimistic theme, this particular bouquet gave a far more sophisticated and elegant aura that matched that of the recipient perfectly. It was adorned with indigo Princess Flowers, azure Brunneras and white moonflowers - a combination that neither Otoya nor Cecil had considered in the flower shop earlier. Cecil tilted his head, searching for any clue as to who it was from, but there was no note attached to the bouquet or the vase, leaving him even more curious as to who knew their friend so well to get them such a bouquet.

"There's no note here."

Otoya spoke first, turning to Tokiya with red eyes filled with confusion.

"Do you know who gave you these flowers, ne, Tokiya?"

"My guess would be Ren, Hijirikawa-san and Syo," Tokiya answered, smiling faintly. "Did you two really think that I would not find it odd that you bought a flower bouquet for me yourselves?" Otoya yelped as Cecil smiled sheepishly. "I know for a fact that they know me well like you guys, so if I had to guess who left me this bouquet, it has to be them."

"Aww, they beat us to it!" Otoya complained, pouting. "With a beautiful bouquet, no less! They already have Masa who is really good at this sort of thing, so that's just not fair!"

"And they have Ren who can be sly and discreet when he wants to be," Cecil added, shaking his head with a pout of his own. "That's it. The next time we divide ourselves into different groups, Ren and Masato cannot be on the same team."

"Yeah!"

"You both are unbelievable..."

"Hey! Tokiya!"

Tokiya sighed with an amused smile as Otoya protested and Cecil chuckled. Throughout the day, Cecil had been worrying that Tokiya would be struggling in his recovery. The physical injuries were severe enough as they were, but imagining what it must feel like to remember the group of fangirls assaulting him in accordance to how they preferred his former idol persona over himself, to be wounded severely in public... saddened Cecil deeply on the inside. Tokiya had suffered severely during his time as Hayato; he did not need the past to scar him again. So as the three of them stayed together in the room, Cecil could not help the bright smile radiating from his heart.

He was sincerely grateful that Tokiya was going to be okay.

Ai Mikaze

In order to prove that an event occurred or a person or object existed, evidence needed to be presented. In regards to the scene of a crime, DNA was the primary evidence sought after by investigators. While CCTV cameras, photographs, recordings and witness statements could strengthen the case being made, they were highly susceptible to being tampered with, whether through manipulation or blackmail, and it further increased the difficulty of proving an important point, especially with individuals often being prone to a certain degree of bias. More than anything, it seemed and was much easier and simpler to prove that someone or something did _not_ exist, even if it was under the guise of pretence, even if one truly knew that there was existence, especially when the images containing of their existence only lived in the two places from which they could never be extracted... the heart and the mind.

It was painfully cruel... how memories could easily be erased and hidden away, to the extent that even their owner did not know that they existed.

_"Like her night of miracles did not exist in the first place, it disappeared right in front of her..."_

Carefully holding the picture frame in his hands, Ai felt his fingers slip around the frame a little tighter, a wish from his heart unveiling itself without so much as consent from the mind.

_Existence... memories... existence._

When he, Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru stepped into the Shinomiya residence's living room the day the quintet first arrived in Hokkaido, the very first things that caught Ai's interest were the photo frames that were on the tables and hung on the walls. They were quite the fitting number; not too many to be too overwhelming, not too few for the space to lack a sense of home. Naturally drawn towards them by his own keen curiosity, when he had the opportunity, he had gone to the living room and taken a small tour of his own, taking in a deep sense of tranquility as he gazed upon the pictures that had been chosen to linger in the area. Of course, at least half of the pictures were family pictures, and seeing his best friend and the Shinomiya parents vividly happy warmed him on the inside. 

However, what had surprised Ai that the other pictures included some pictures of the five members of QUARTET NIGHT together, and if Ai were to be entirely honest, the pictures chosen were beautiful. There was a picture of the five of them together the night of Natsuki's debut as a QUARTET NIGHT member and Ai's heart was tugged by the warm smile and tears in the sunshine blond's eyes, by how sincerely happy all of them were as they held one another in a new beginning. Another picture was from a much earlier time, from one of the first times that the five of them went to their favourite cafe together, not long after Natsuki moved in with Reiji. There were also pictures of Natsuki with several animal friends, including Alexander, and even a few with his close friend and mentee Eli as well as Yuuto. What Ai had not initially pondered over but eventually realized, however... were the people and things that were _not_ included in even a single one of these beautiful photographs, of these timeless memories.

_First of all, STARISH. Even Ren. When we converse with Mr and Mrs Shinomiya, STARISH is only mentioned in rare occasions. They did not need to explicitly say it for us to know that the six of them have collectively wounded the family through the pain that they inflicted on Natsuki. The parents may be forgiving, but it most certainly does not mean that they have forgotten. The excruciating memories would always linger one time or another in their hearts and minds. They did not need photographs to remind them even further. The fact that Syo had been an integral part of Natsuki's life ever since childhood did not alleviate matters at all._

The picture frame in Ai's hands held a photograph of himself, Ranmaru, Camus, Reiji and Natsuki by their favourite river, settled on picnic blankets and holding one another in half-hugs and cuddles. His arms covered with the sleeves of his warm, woollen baby blue cardigan, Ai wrapped them around the photograph, nearly cradling it to his chest, and approached even more photographs as his mind wandered through a haze of memories.

_The second is Suzanne Hanabusa. There are two possible explanations as to why. First of all, Natsuki's parents may not have been aware of how close he and she used to be, or at least, how close he had innocently thought they were, and therefore, did not think of framing a picture of the two. The second explanation is that Satsuki, the alter ego who had known more about that traumatic day than them, prevented any pictures of her from being seen by Natsuki. As the guardian of Natsuki's memories, he had also had the responsibility of stopping the memories from being triggered at the wrong time or place. This second explanation... is what leads to the third subject that was excluded from these picture frames..._

Ai lowered his eyes as he pressed the picture frame a little closer to his own chest.

_The violin._

_"Sleeping nights with memories fast asleep..."_

Even though Ai was deep in his contemplation, he had not even once completely lost track of the fact that he was not alone in the living room. While Natsuki's parents and Reiji had yet to return from their respective works, Ai, Natsuki, Ranmaru and Camus were all in the living room spending time with one another with mugs of hot chocolate on the coffee table. Camus was deep in his silent reading of another classic: William Shakespeare's _Hamlet_. Ranmaru, on the other hand, was engrossed in a rock magazine with a strong arm draped protectively around Natsuki, whose head rested on his shoulder, his green eyes closed peacefully in a nap that had lasted for about 1 hour and 15 minutes. Silently observing as the two older boys shared a cosy sky-blue blanket, Ai knew that there was a likelihood that Natsuki would wake up soon, given how much time had passed. Yet... even with that knowledge, Ai could not refrain tears from rising into his eyes as memories shrouded his heart that pulsated with a pitch sadness that was palpable as it was heart-breaking. 

_"Cinderella's story is beautiful, but sometimes... I can't help but feel it break my heart..."_

His heart relinquishing an involuntary quaver, Ai remembered how there were times during their sleepovers when Natsuki would share with Ai, Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru some of his favourite fairy-tales growing up and they would share theirs as well. Those times were always so light, soft and precious, bringing forth sincere tenderness even from members of the group who had the tendency to try and suppress it behind strong and firm exteriors. Sometimes, with encouragement from one another, they would share their feelings on the sadder scenes of those fairy-tales, and one of the fairy-tales that Natsuki had confided in them his sadder feelings of was _Cinderella_ , a classic children's tale. 

_A tale that centred around a night of miracles being granted by a fairy godmother, magic chained to a time limit up until the clock struck midnight that same night. Once the time ran out, with the ringing of the sonorous bells, miracle by miracle would disappear into the night that would never come again, and what would remain was a night that appeared as though no magic or miracle had illumined and adorned it in the first place, like what the girl dressed in rags had experienced was nothing more than a simple fantasy derived from pure imagination. That painful ephemerality had deeply saddened Natsuki, and only more sadness welled up within him upon the fact that it was like the memories themselves... ceased to exist. However, what he did not know... what all of us had not known for much too long..._

Just like the heart beating in his chest, the soft breath that his lips relinquished was quavering as he turned to face the wall on which more picture frames were hung, hoping to silently recollect himself,

_... is how his life resembled a flawed reflection of that fairy-tale, in the form of cruel reality. Natsuki... While it was miracles and magic that were erased from a fantasy-like night in Cinderella's tale, as for Natsuki... it was the memories interconnected to his heartless former violin teacher and the instrument that he used to play that faded from his mind like they never came to life in the first place, only to remain soundlessly asleep in a heart that wished to heal. The memories had left his heart and soul numb and wounded with cold sadness and grief, like a white veil barely wavering and torn into shreds, and it... it was not a fantasy. Neither was it a product of imagination or merely an excruciating dream. It was a true, heart-wrenching story that was hidden away in a heart that, with painful kindness, was worn on his sleeve and held out by a trembling hand of a broken innocent boy. Cinderella was able to smile at the end of her night, but Natsuki couldn't grasp even a drop of that happiness. And he... his memories were sealed by his parents, who left not even a photograph with the violin or his deceased fawn friend, and Satsuki, who did the erasing himself, all to protect him from the broken pieces that he did not know how to put together..._

Ai's fingers grasped the photo frame a bit tighter and yet all it did was squeeze his heart painfully as a tear slipped at the sound of a quivering breath, the thought of there being no light in Natsuki's warm green eyes cracking at his soul, the thought of all those fairy-tale books disappearing into darkness amplifying an already-shattering imagery.

_So that he could exist with a smile... so that he could heal... they had no choice but to erase the broken pieces from his mind... and leave them fast asleep in his heart as he carried them without even realizing it himself... as painful as it was..._

"Ai, Reiji said that he'll be home in about ten m- Ai?"

"Ai, is everything fine?"

The lump in his throat thickened as he barely caught a stifled breath. Without turning around, Ai reached a hand up and wiped his eyes. "Ai, you do not need to hide it. We can tell that you are crying simply based on the movement of your hand." Ai's body stilled as footsteps approached him from behind. Two hands took ahold of his shoulders and gently turned him around, and he found himself facing both Camus and Ranmaru, whom he had thought were focused on their readings. Camus' eyes softened as he held Ai's shoulders and Ranmaru slowly took the picture frame from his other hand.

"He will heal."

Camus' voice was much softer than Ai had expected. Ai's eyes widened as emotions filled Camus' ice-blue eyes and the latter's lips eased into a small smile.

"Exactly like he did in the photograph that you were holding. The memories are as traumatic as they are excruciating, but... he was able to smile sincerely today. He was able to be himself without worrying that anyone would judge him for it. He was able to reach out and hold us, as well as allow us to reach forward and hold him. His heart has not been completely mended, but... he is deeply, far stronger than he was more than a decade ago. You know that as much as we do."

"And he ain't alone in this," Ranmaru added, wrapping an arm around Ai with a slanted smile. "He has us all. Whether it's that sicko of a violin teacher or anyone else whom we're up against, the five of us have one another. And ya don't have to hold back your tears, ya know." He thumbed at a tear that had fallen from Ai's left eye, his expression gentle. "We know Natsuki may wake up soon, but you can let it out. And if he happens to find you crying, I can already imagine him immediately pulling you into a real big hug - something that you _both_ definitely need. If you need to cry..."

Ranmaru's face eased into a warmer expression.

"We all get it. And we got ya too."

Ai stared at Camus and Ranmaru with wide eyes, their expressions unchanged and warm. Slowly and silently, Ai felt his resolve to not cry in front of them crumble within his heart as tears trickled down his cheeks, a few quiet sobs slipping from his lips. And it took even less time for both older boys to hold him in the middle of a tight hug, nearly silent with the few murmurs of "Just let it out, kid" and "We will be fine, Ai." Ai's tears had just barely dried by the time the three of them returned to the living room sofas, where Natsuki was slowly rising from his sleep. Even so, it did not stop Ai from sitting next to Natsuki and pulling him into a tight hug of his own, holding him as he closed his own eyes and felt his heart waver in its emotions.

Ai initially heard a soft gasp of pure surprise, but it did not take long for him feel a gentle warmth spreading throughout his soul as the innocent blond hugged him back and whispered, "I'll be okay, Ai-chan. I love you. So, so much," with a voice that may not be devoid of sadness and pain, but was nevertheless incandescent with earnest love and kindness, even if still tinged with sleepiness. That same voice wavered as his arms tightened around Ai a little, and that small tremble was enough to resonate through his own heart like a quivering tear. "I love you." As more hands and arms joined in and held the two youngest members of the quintet, Ai could not help but smile softly at the fact that unlike that time more than ten years ago, no memories would be erased and left to sleep in a broken heart. Not only that, but unlike in that tale of a disappearing night of miracles...

... there was no magic here that was destined to fade away from existence, all while the warm memories that did not need to be captured by photographs to be proven to exist enveloped them like a dream of flowers. All while they leaned into a pure touch of which they were more than relieved that even with his broken memories... Natsuki was not afraid.

Tokiya Ichinose

After Masato and Syo had left for work in the morning, now alone in the shared bedroom, Tokiya locked the door and approached the vase that held the first flower bouquet that he had received the day before. Carefully pulling the bouquet out of the elegant vase so that he could hold it with his own two hands, he stared down at the flowers and released a quiet sigh. The flowers were truly beautiful and they were even more gorgeous when bundled up together in this bouquet. All three kinds of flowers were easily some of his favourite flowers of all-time; the givers had definitely put deep thought into this bouquet for Tokiya. 

Tokiya, at least, had been honest about that part, when conversing about the flowers. As for the rest of the details, however...

He hid a slight grimace.

... he had lied.

When he was spending time with Cecil and Otoya the day before, Ren, Syo and Masato had entered the room bringing a flower bouquet of their own for Tokiya. Naturally, given how Tokiya had said to have guessed that it was from those three, the two boys had immediately let out exclaims of pure shock, thinking that Ren, Syo and Masato had given him a bouquet. Confused, Ren, Syo and Masato denied giving Tokiya a previous bouquet and turned to the bouquet in question, at which their eyes widened in different levels of astonishment. They, exactly like Otoya and Cecil, had agreed that it was a gorgeous bouquet, except that it was not from them. Shaking his head at the lies that he had told, Tokiya dipped a hand into his pocket and took out a folded white note that he had hidden right shortly after receiving that bouquet from the delivery man. Unfolding it, Tokiya felt his lips form a wry smile.

He had certainly not expected _these five_ to send him a bouquet.

_"To: Tokiya Ichinose_   
_From: Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus_

_Get well soon, Tokiya! We hope you like the flowers."_

Tokiya remembered how he had blinked in utter shock when he first saw the note. He had even asked the delivery man if he was sure that it was definitely these five individuals who had ordered the flowers for him, if there was a possibility that this was a prank. However, the smiling delivery man had been more than happy to mention that the main caller was, without a speck of doubt, the warmest customer that he had ever known during his time working in the flower shop, even going so far as to give a kind tip after complimenting how beautiful the bouquet was put together, and Tokiya had held back a deep sigh knowing _exactly_ who it must have been handling the call. Given everything that had happened between Tokiya and the quintet, he had not at all expected them to give him any wishes, let alone go out their way to customize a beautiful bouquet for him through a call from Hokkaido.

_That's not even the end of it. There is also the fact that they chose three of my favourite flowers, with those indigo Princess Flowers possibly my favourite of them all. I never would have thought that any of them would know, let alone want to remember. And yet... I know exactly who had told them what my favourite flowers were._ _Because the only person in QUARTET NIGHT with whom I had ever had a discussion about flowers with... is Shinomiya-san._

Tokiya slowly shook his head, still hardly able to truly come in terms with the thought.

 _The same Shinomiya-san with whom both Syo and I have been at more than just odds with. Our former band member who poses as too much of a threat to STARISH. Even though he did not say it directly to me, I think that Ren knew that I was lying about the bouquet. His voice was pleasant when he casually mentioned that it was a beautiful bouquet, but it felt like there was a double meaning there, including when he smiled at me._ Tokiya nearly winced at the recollection of how Ren had casually smiled while caressing one of the white petals, the meaningful gaze in his blue eyes unmistakable even as Tokiya disregarded it then. _He did not call me out, at least, but... if he knows that this bouquet is from Shinomiya-san and the rest of QUARTET NIGHT and that I know it as well..._

Gazing out the glass window, Tokiya released a quiet breath and upon placing the bouquet back into the vase, a few indigo and white petals fluttered down to the table, falling silently like the pieces of the lie that was now gnawing through him more than he ever wanted it to,

_... he must be thinking why I am even keeping this bouquet, just like I am._

Natsuki Shinomiya

_The world over which the fog and illusions have been lifted, inside of which you can clearly see the shadows and tears, the memories falling and shattering, is terrifying. It is not a fantasy or a fairy-tale or even a night that will be reversed just by the resounding chimes of the bells at the sound of the clock striking midnight. I knew that the world where we live in is a terrifying, broken world. I knew that even if my memories were incomplete, even if they were fast asleep within my heart, I was not breathing in a place that could only be found in dreams or imagination, because while listening to the cadence of a heart that did not understand how to be held, holding out hands that were afraid of never being held back, staring with wide eyes at the reflections of tears and sadness and grief, I knew that I was not living in a place where all that could be found were happiness and joy and sunshine._

_To forget was painful, and so..._

The tranquil water rippled at the touch of a fallen flower petal, silently reflecting a sunshine that was vivid and yet not too bright, like a memory through a soundless mirror.

_So is to remember._

The first day had been one of the most excruciating days that he had ever felt in his life. He did not only remember Suzanne and the music room or Fawnie's death in the freezing snow. He remembered the broken memories of what had happened after, including the flower meadows where he had cried alone, not wanting to return home yet; the violin recital where he shattered apart playing the instrument that only made him bleed further with each note; the moment his parents found him and his broken self flinched away from even their touch as he trembled and broke down in that small room with the broken mirror and scattered music sheets. He did not only remember the images of what had happened; he remembered how it had all _felt_ as each fragment shattered him on the inside. He remembered how tight and constricted his chest had felt, how loud and uncontrollable his heart had pulsated in his ears, blood rushing through his head as the memories intensified the burning of his thigh that the violin teacher had nearly touched. He remembered how painful it was as his body quivered uncontrollably, his fingers unsure what to hold yet terrified to touch as his broken self backed away from even his parents' arms, all as the heart that he wore on his sleeve cracked open and shattered like already-broken glass, stained by the memories that had hidden away the smile he could not give. 

_I remembered how painful it was to be unable to give a true smile, no matter how much I did not want Mum and Dad to cry. It felt like those little lights that made me who I was had just left and disappeared like flower petals dissolving into the night, leaving behind a heart that felt too empty and cold on its own, even with memories to remember, even with hands to reach out to. I... I was numb._

Lowering his eyes, Natsuki felt his heart throb painfully as the word "hollow" passed like the distant howl of the evanescent wind, as cold as it was numbing to the soul.

_I remembered a feeling... that I never wanted to feel ever again... and not just for me._

Mum, Dad, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus, as well as Alexander, Elizabeth and all of the other animals, had been by his side throughout his recovery from his trauma, from the very first moment they found out. In their own unique and precious ways, everyone had looked after him in pure earnestness, both deeply and protectively. The night of the first day, before the five of them went to bed, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru had each told Natsuki that even though they knew that Reiji was his roommate and thus the one who helped him through his nightmares the most often, Natsuki was more than welcome to wake any of them up as well if anything happened. Overhearing the conversation, both Alexander and Elizabeth had leaped up onto the bed and snuggled up to Natsuki, softly barking their agreements, to which the five of them chuckled warmly. He had been deeply scared that the cold memories and trauma would leave him hollow again, numbed with a pure sadness and grief that he could not heal as memories shattered through his soul like cold glass. Yet... he was not hollow. The sadness and anguish were there with the trauma, but he was not alone. All of them stayed with him and even if it was left unsaid, he knew as much as they did that it was because they truly wanted to.

Because they loved him as he was, no matter how painful it was to love.

_I remembered... how painful it was... to feel useless, unable to reassure my crying heart, let alone the people I love and care about the most._

It was one of the most stark and excruciating reasons why he knew that the world that he had been living in was not and could never be a fairy-tale, even if he had been protected from certain parts of the anguish and sorrow through the hiding of his memories. _They wouldn't be crying like this if it were._ While Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru knew that Natsuki was aware of how much sorrow and anguish they felt for him, it did not exactly stop them from trying to have a certain degree of control over how much they let it show. Not because of pride or anything like that, but because they knew how much it hurt _Natsuki_ to see them hurt. However, Natsuki knew all of them more than well enough to tell when they were crying, even without tears, even when they did try to hold back. He remembered how Ranmaru had abruptly wrapped his arms around Natsuki when they were listening to music together over hot peppermint tea in the living room, his grip firm and protective, and the long breath that the older male released into the heavy silence sounded like he had been trying to lock the pain inside. All while trying to lighten the burden inside of Natsuki. He remembered how Ai had asked him about his favourite fairy-tales and read them together under the cool shade of a vibrant treetop with white flowers. His head leaning onto Ai's shoulder with his ear close to the latter's neck, Natsuki could hear the subtle wavering of Ai's heartbeat - a cadence that no one could ever quite hide - and feel the younger boy's fingers holding his hand quiver a little as they tightened around him and squeezed. 

Camus was extremely skilled at maintaining a calm expression, but on the afternoon on the first day, when cautiously showing Natsuki a recent picture of Suzanne in order to make an official identification for the report to Shining, Natsuki saw his calm composure silently crack like snowflakes into shards. Natsuki had felt warm tears threaten to fall at the sight of the violin teacher and Camus did not hesitate to pull him into his arms, holding him extremely tightly. When he pulled back, however, Camus was unable to hide the cold anger that flashed across his ice-blue eyes as he stared down the picture in his cellphone, the venom that had leaked from the low tone of his voice when he faced the other three members of the quintet and said, _It's her._ Reiji was one of the strongest people he knew, but on the third night, after waking Natsuki up from a nightmare, Reiji had been unable to remain as strong as he usually was. The two of them sitting up on the bed, Reiji had cupped Natsuki's face with both of his hands gently and was slowly wiping his tears away, a soft gaze in his tender grey eyes. However, as soft as his grey eyes were, he was unable to hide the sheer sadness and agony reflected within them like the surface of sorrowful waters the emotions threatening to shatter both his heart and Natsuki's as his lips trembled. It was when Natsuki reached out and placed a hand over Reiji's, whispering, _Rei-Rei_ , when Reiji slowly crumbled and broke down in front of him, tears trickling down his cheeks as the first sob cracked from his lips.

_"I can't lie, Nattsun. Especially not to you."_

Cupping Natsuki's cheeks, Reiji hung his head as he let out a few broken sobs.

 _"I wanted to be stronger than this for you, dear Nattsun. I wanted to and tried my real best to, 'cause I knew more than anything how much it hurts you seeing us hurt, even though none of it is your fault. But the truth is... how could I have expected to be strong if you're in so much pain? How could I- How could I just smile a happy smile and expect to heal your heart when I_ know _that you can see through me and tell how much the heart beating in my chest is crying for you? Yet even now, I... I-"_

Reiji raised his head and smiled painfully, choking on a sob as Natsuki held his hands tightly and felt even more tears falling from his own eyes, that same smile crumbling like leaves as his eyes stung with tears.

_"I'm sorry, Nattsun... I'm so, so sorry... but more than even that... I love you. As vulnerable as this heart that can no longer lie or fake a smile is... I love you with every single part of it... that I have."_

"So much was hidden... to protect me."

Natsuki began softly, quietly.

"And in turn, so that everyone I loved and cared about could keep smiling... I hid my heart."

It was the fourth morning ever since Natsuki got his memories back. Warm daylight dappled into the forest from the pure azure sky and through the small crevices that gentle verdant treetops and innocent flowers allowed, the viridescent grass almost glowing as the spring zephyrs whispered in the distance. The surface of the pond's water was as transparent as it was calming and beautiful as small flower petals fell upon the delicate blue and rippled in a small, near soundless tune, like the beat of a hushed lullaby. It was a small part of spring that Natsuki had always loved ever since he discovered it as a child. The slow, gentle falling of lone flower petals onto the kind, innocent water resembled small fairy lights reaching into and rippling through a melodic heart; a small treasure that was as idyllic as it was precious. Even though many years had passed and his age was no longer that of a child, that childlike wonder still remained, and he was drawn to it all the same.

The feelings that could be traced back to his childhood days welled up in tranquil silence as Natsuki lowered himself to the grass and knelt by a particular spot that had been sealed away in his heart for more than ten years. A spot where he had first found a blind fawn hiding and crying alone in a bush with white flowers. A spot where not even a year later, he and his parents buried that same blind fawn in snow that was as white as the flowers of that bush that had disappeared. Now, as he remained on his knees and gently placed a flower crown that he had specially made for his deceased animal friend by the bush of pink and white flowers that had taken up the space in that same spot, Natsuki lowered his head and continued to speak with a voice that was almost as soft as a whisper.

"Uncertain what to do with the broken, crying heart that I held in my hand and wore on my sleeve, I wrapped my arms around it in a painful hug that I was afraid would never be returned and hid within myself. I never meant to forget you, Fawnie. I never meant or wanted to ever forget you. But for so long, I had forgotten, because I wasn't strong enough... to remember. The memories of you were intertwined too deeply with one of the four violin pieces that I composed and played within the sadness and grief that I felt that broken week, and as I shattered... the memories slowly faded like the flowers that we made into bouquets and crowns disappeared into the snowstorm of our first and last winter." 

Natsuki let out a trembling breath as his voice softened and he lowered his head, the gentle spring breeze caressing the fabric of his plain white shirt.

"So, so much was hidden away and left unsaid for my sake, even when I did not notice. Mum, Dad and Sacchan hid broken pieces of my childhood to let my heart heal and breathe, to protect me. Both QUARTET NIGHT and STARISH hid the truth about me having an alter ego so that I would not be hurt... even if Syo-chan and the rest of STARISH saw it as a burden eventually. Wishing to stay strong for everyone I loved and cared about, I hid my sadness and pain inside a heart that was surrounded by sleeping memories and smiled for them, even though I was not okay, even though the smiles I gave only made me want to cry even more. And I learned... how painful and sorrowful it was to both forget and remember, to hide and be hidden, and..." his lips curved into a sad, remorseful smile, "I am so, so sorry that I was not strong enough to remember you. That it took me this long to remember how bright you were, how much of both a friend and heroine you were and are to me. You are such a dear and precious friend, so the thought that I forgot you... it hurt so much and still does... because I don't want to forget again. I don't want to open my eyes one day and find that I have forgotten everyone or anyone I love and care about the most... even if it is just one person."

His heart was trembling with emotion as tears rose up in his eyes.

"But... with this pain and sadness that I can't undo..."

Natsuki's expression eased into a soft smile as the first tears slid down his cheeks.

"I will do all that I can to be stronger... so that I can remember everyone with all of me."

The spring breeze flowed and made the petals of the flower crown flutter silently, like the pages of the fairy-tale books that he had read with his parents and Ai and the rest of his fellow and beloved QUARTET NIGHT members.

"Both forgetting and remembering are painful in their own ways, but... I would rather remember all of the cold and shattered memories if it means that the memories of everyone I love and care about live and glow within every part of me and who I am, even if the painful ones hurt and leave scars, even if I cry. This world is not a fantasy or a fairy-tale, but just like we taught each other, there are countless bright, colourful and warm places that are waiting to be found and shared, no matter how small they are, no matter how much sadness it takes to reach them together. And now I know... that I don't have to hide my heart. I can hold it out in my hand and wear it on my sleeve with a true smile and true tears, because... I am home. I am home with a heart that could have been cold and broken alone but is now radiating with a true warmth that will neither fade nor be forgotten. Together with my dearest and closest family - Mum, Dad, Rei-Rei, Ai-chan, Myu-chan, Maru-chan, Sacchan, Eli-kun, you and everyone else I love with all of me... everyone who loves me as I am..."

Closing his eyes with a genuine smile, Natsuki placed a hand over the centre of his chest, over his beating heart.

"My heart has come alive, as warm as incandescent as everyone has made it... including you. And for that... thank you."

_You, who found me and whom I found as a child and wrapped my arms around in a gentle hug, are now watching over me from your warm place in the sky. Even though we have yet to meet again ever since your last words amid the silent white snow, I know that you can see me, that you are no longer blind in sight and can see red, orange, yellow, lilac, pink, verdant, blue, purple and all of those other beautiful colours that you hadn't been able to imagine. And I'm sure that you found it as idyllic as it is beautiful... as innocent as your heart has always been._

Slowly opening his eyes, Natsuki wiped his tears away and gazed down at the flower crown that he had made for Fawnie. There was at least one flower for each colour that warmed Fawnie's heart, that touched her heart. A green rose, a yellow iris, a blue clematis, a sunset orange strawflower, a pure lilac, a red poppy and onwards. And of course, white forget-me-not flowers, representing innocence and a wish to remember and be remembered, intertwining with the other flowers amid promises that he wished to always, always keep. 

_"I need your love"... The first four words of "Promise to Sirius", my ballad of earnest promises and emotions... I remember how I had been unable to move past those words, stuck between wanting to be stronger and unable to be stronger, but..._

Natsuki carefully pulled himself up and smiled in earnest as the wind carried flower petals into the bright blue of the spring sky, guiding them to places that he hoped were truly beautiful. His heart palpitating with pure emotions, he turned and began heading back towards the path from which he had come from, knowing that Reiji, Ai, Camus, Ranmaru, Mum and Dad were all waiting for him with sincere smiles.

_Now all of you have found me. And even though I am not the strongest person of all, I hope to be stronger and stronger, so that I can protect all of you... now and always._

_"(Last LOVE) With a firm embrace_

_(Reciprocated LOVE) Even pain is love_

_Oh... Time will tell"_

\- "Tears in love", by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kisho Taniyama)


	72. Of Cards, Flowers and Illusions

Reiji Kotobuki

 _Lies of omission. The letter "o"s in the word both stand for "ominous", precisely as dark as it sounds. When you tell a lie of omission, you are essentially not lying with your words, but by leaving out certain words, with a certain reliance on the other party making false assumptions or interpretations; a subtle method of deception. For example, if someone asks, "Are you happy?" and you answer, "I am," you could sincerely argue that you do feel happiness within your heart that would have been otherwise cold. But what you chose to leave out and not answer is "_ How _happy are you, really?" Yes, you are happy, but the happiness that you are grasping is only scant - the minimum that you think you deserve and need to grasp onto so that you can maintain the illusion of your smile. In truth, what you feel the most is not happiness, but darker emotions like grief, anguish, guilt, self-hatred. Sadness. Remorse. Bitterness. You misguide and mislead with words that may be truthful by definition, but are hiding a more significant, accurate and colder reality beneath them._

_Do you have strength? Yes. Are you strong? No._

_Do you care? Yes. Are you caring? No._

_Do you love yourself? Yes._

_Do you hate yourself?_

Reiji gently caressed the small pink sakura petals between his fingers, his heart squeezing in his chest with emotions and memories.

_Even more than I love myself, yes. But now, all those answers have changed, and lies of omissions do not work for me anymore. Because it has become like a mundane magic trick that neither the magician nor the audience find miraculous. Because to them whom I have given this flawed and broken heart... I cannot and do not want to lie anymore, with or without words. And I am grateful beyond anything... that they chose to do the same._

"Thank God Camus and Ai are great with flowers."

Ranmaru sighed, shaking his head in utter disbelief.

"There are _way_ too many flowers here! And I hardly know the meanings of nearly all of 'em!"

"Looks like we'll have to ask our sweet Nattsun to teach us more the next time we go and see flowers together." Reiji chuckled as Ranmaru scratched his head while reading the list of flowers that Ai had printed out. "But come on, Ran-Ran! Nattsun's made gorgeous bouquets on his own. I'm real sure that what the four of us come up with can be a real beaut too!"

It was a warm sunny day at Hokkaido. While Natsuki and his parents were having some family bonding time together, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus were inside a local flower shop that their best friend's parents had introduced to them. Gazing at the beautiful assortment of flowers, at the white daisies, blue forget-me-nots, violet hibiscus and countless others, Reiji almost felt like he was in a kind of wonderland, lost as to which flowers to choose. Daylight seeped through the open windows as the air remained light and tranquil, the gentle singing of birds reaching from a distance, the people inside keeping their chatter soft, almost like there was an unspoken rule to maintain the peace. Flower shops may not be nearly the most popular of tourist attractions, but their innocent simplicity was definitely something to relish in while they were there.

"I would be appalled if the end-result does not, at the very least, reach our most minimal standards," Camus remarked as he examined a couple of blue clematis. "There are four of us. As much as two particular individuals are severely lacking in the knowledge required for this activity," Camus let out a brief chuckle at Ranmaru's scowl, "I am certain that we are capable of at least meeting standards, if not surpass them."

"Not that we are settling for anything less," Ai added, his eyes focused on the section with white gardenias. "I can see why Mr and Mrs Shinomiya highly recommended this flower shop for us to search for flowers. They have a vast collection of flowers and all of which I have seen so far are all of consistently high quality coupled with reasonable prices, as well as properly organized." He smiled softly. "They truly know their son well and want the very best for him."

"And so do we," Ranmaru agreed, grinning slightly as he folded his arms. "Thanks to his parents knowing where to take him and such, we ain't got to worry 'bout the time or him catching on. Though..." his heterochromatic eyes were amused, "I can't say I'd be surprised if he of all people forgot the upcoming occasion. Guy's unbelievable as it is."

"What makes it even more astonishing is that he remembers every other occasion." Camus chuckled as Ai and Reiji laughed. "And makes the preparations days prior to them."

"Every freaking year."

"I can never predict him."

"But that's a sweet charm of his, right?"

"Do you recall last Valentine's Day?" 

Camus inquired, facing all of them.

"He was released from the hospital merely a couple of days prior to Valentine's Day, and we found him with a saddened expression just before the day arrived. He had already made plans to make Valentine's chocolate in celebration of brotherly love while following the Valentine's Day tradition, but knowing that we would not allow him to cook due to his condition then, that plan was cancelled. Neither was he able to finish the cards on time." Camus' expression relaxed as his smile turned soft. "But truly, the fact that he had regained consciousness and was able to spend the occasion by our side was quite simply, more than enough for us. It was all we could have wished for."

"And Reiji was crying because of that and the fact that the whole lot of rest of us didn't plan on preparing anything to celebrate." Ranmaru let out a few laughs as Reiji protested that his crying was brought up. "Not that we meant to. I mean, Valentine's is supposed to be a day for romance, but again, this is kiddo we're talking 'bout here."

"But at the end, everything was fine with us spending the entire day indoors with our schedules cleared," Ai remarked, his gaze warm as he squeezed Camus' arm. "It may have been relatively simple, sharing French Earl Grey lattes with chocolate hearts while having quality time together, but it warmed our hearts, and it... It is the most important part of any special occasion, right?"

"Couldn't have said it better, Ai-Ai." Reiji beamed softly.

"Indeed." Camus placed a hand on Ai's back with a gentle smile.

"Yeah."

"And I..." Ai paused, almost as though he was rethinking what he was about to say. Letting out an exhale, he looked at the three oldest of the quintet with a slight smile that was as soft as it was almost pained. "I sincerely do not want him to ever feel like he has to cancel any special event again. Especially after he worked so hard to make it special for any of us." His voice was a quiet whisper. "I was honestly taken by surprise when we found out the truth about that day. And what he felt that day... is not a feeling that I ever wish for him to even touch ever again."

"He doesn't know that we know yet," Ranmaru reminded, propping an elbow over Reiji's shoulder, his voice a near murmur. "Honestly, it wasn't exactly anyone's fault that things went down the way they did, but..." pain flickered in his eyes, "I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel downright awful about that day, after we found out."

"That was still during the time in which he thought that he needed to hide his heart," Camus spoke grimly, running his hand up and down Ai's back soothingly, "and we were not exactly the most welcoming or understanding of people then either. However, do not forget that the five of us have shared a long journey ever since that time period, developing with and for one another as we united as the quintet that we are now."

"And as we reach for and grasp 'now' with our hands and hearts..."

Reiji smiled, even if he could feel the sadness within that same smile.

"We can make sure that cruel point in fate never happens again. That Nattsun or any one of us never feels that same anguish that he felt that day ever again."

_"Again"... What a cruel word._

Ranmaru gave Reiji a light pat on the shoulder, his eyes reflecting unspoken understanding, and Reiji nodded with a gentler expression as he squeezed the younger rocker on the arm. Camus nodded briefly as Ai smiled slightly, the flowers surrounding them appearing much more bittersweet than they had been when they first entered the flower shop together.

_The very symbol of a repetition. In too many lives, in too many moments, it is a repetition that drives a person over the edge, trapped in an unending pattern that is cold in its lunacy, unchanged like their reason for straining to live in a cruel and broken world. "I did it wrong again." "I failed you again." "I lied again." "I can't look at myself the same way again." Again, the seemingly-hypnotic cadence of malice towards one's own self drowns them in their illusion of deceit, an enchanting magic trick gone wrong, a house of cards falling apart._

_All while the lies told are the lies without the need to say a single word to tell._

Reiji shifted his gaze towards the yellow roses - flowers that meant friendship and happiness. The friendship that Natsuki earnestly wanted to have with them. The happiness that Natsuki sincerely wanted to share with them. But on that day, that fateful broken day, friendship ended up being engulfed into the shadows and happiness was not what lingered in his heart at the very end. Even with all that he had done for them. He was Cinderella who was the only one who knew the meaning behind the bells resounding at the signal of midnight, who knew and hid what a dark night it truly was.

_That day, you were holding in your hands a heart surrounded by flowers - flowers that were truly beautiful but could not compare to how beautiful your heart was. But as the flowers were hidden away..._

If Natsuki were here right now, Reiji would be hugging him extremely tightly, even if he could not tell him that they knew just yet, even if he could not apologize for the pain caused that day just yet. 

_So was your heart._

...

Flashback II: Day of Cards, Flowers and Illusions (No One's POV)

Part I: Illusions

_"The illusion you made was 'I am fine.'"_

_About one year ago..._

_The spring of last year's May..._

It was another morning that began with a lie.

A lie to Natsuki from STARISH.

It had become quite a pattern. Assuming that Natsuki was as oblivious as he seemed, Syo, Ren, Cecil, Otoya, Masato and Tokiya had left the Master Course dormitories early to go out just the six of them and would later come back and tell Natsuki something along the lines of it just being a coincidence that they went out together or that they simply did not want to disturb Natsuki when he was still sleeping. All without knowing that Natsuki had silently noticed a long time ago. All while knowing that Natsuki would have gladly woken up and joined them had they asked. Sitting on the bottom of the bunk bed that he shared with Syo, Natsuki quietly lowered his eyes when he read the messages in his cellphone. This time, it was Masato who had texted him saying that the six of them were all out and that there was no need to look for them. It was a Saturday, after all. A warm Sunday morning that began cold.

_Do you... not want me to be with you... that much...?_

Natsuki had actually woken up at 6 in the morning - earlier than he normally did. Ai's schedules used to mandate Natsuki and Syo to wake up at 5 a.m., but ever since they improved in their discipline, their mentor allowed himself to be more lenient on them both, even though he did give strict reminders from time to time. Ai was nowhere to be found in their shared dormitory either as Natsuki carefully pulled himself up from the bunk bed and turned to the glass window, noticing how the sunshine filtered through the glass and spilled onto the clean floor. Although the repetition of what his own band members were doing did hurt in his heart and the question echoed coldly in his head, Natsuki pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind somewhat sooner than he normally did, the warm daylight reminding him of what he had planned to do today. While it was painful to think about, his six band members going out without him helped him in a way this time, because he definitely did not want them to notice, let alone find out, what he was going to do today.

Picking up his giraffe plushie from the bed, Natsuki smiled softly and hugged it tightly as a form of warm encouragement, closing his eyes as his heart eased a little more.

He was going to invite the four senpais to a spring miracle.

Colours and emotions roamed and glowed throughout his heart and soul as he put down the plushie and began getting ready for the day, walking straight to the bathroom with a small yet sincere smile tinging his lips. The spring miracle that he was going to invite Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus to was something that he had come up with the idea of doing ever since he was a small boy. It was not an official event, but it was something extremely close to his heart - a small treasure that he shared with his parents and animal friends. The idea originating from the myriad of times he read and reread fairy-tales and childhood stories, the spring miracle would be a day or time where people and animals gathered and danced to their hearts' content amid beautiful spring. Dances were normally slower dances, like the waltz, slow dance or other ballroom dances or even the slow moves of beautiful choreographies, and Natsuki thought it was a dreamlike time where people and animals could try and get to know one another better, growing closer with hearts intertwined together, whether as friends or as family. 

_Since the Master Course is over, all of us get to spend more free time together, and so I would like the chance for us to get to know one another better and grow closer as dear friends._

Natsuki looked through his clothes and settled with a semi-formal white shirt, loose dark grey jeans and a comfortable midnight-blue jacket. While it was not winter, spring could be cold when it wanted to be, even if the sunshine was bright and gentle. 

_I also want to do this as a way of saying "thank you" for everything that the four of you have done for me. Ai-chan is my direct and assigned mentor, but Rei-chan-senpai, Myu-chan-senpai and Maru-chan-senpai all became my friends and helped me out so, so much as well. I want us to share even more memories together, be even happier together._

While thinking of the plan, Natsuki had considered asking the STARISH members to join him, but remembering all the times they had turned him and his ideas down, including invitations to go stargazing with him even when they were free, he was very sure that they would do the same this time. But it was fine with him; this was for Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus. He loved and cared about all four of his senpais and that was exactly what he wanted to convey through today. Once he had checked the time again, Natsuki exhaled and smiled earnestly as he left the dormitory and sprinted for the entrance doors, his heart beating with warm happiness and excitement, sincerely hoping that he could make the four of them smile in earnest.

_I don't know if you will be, but... I want to make you at least a little happier._

As Natsuki ran across the corridor, however, he did not notice that in one of the smaller lounge rooms, with the door shut firmly, were exact four people whom his plans for today centred around. The juniors were not the only Shining Agency idols who had decided to wake up earlier than they normally did, for the seniors had their own plans as well. Sitting in the sofa area were Reiji, Camus, Ranmaru and Ai, who were in the midst of discussing a plan that they had agreed upon for some time now. As much as they usually took quite some time to come to an agreement and often clashed with one another, the atmosphere was much more somber than it tended to be as they spoke over cups of freshly-brewed chamomile tea that Camus had allowed Ai to have a hand in fixing. 

"Ya think they'll all be back by the afternoon?"

"It's a Sunday. There is a probability that they will spend the majority of the day outdoors."

"Away from us, for certain peasants in particular."

"Oh come on, Myu-chan! Cesshi doesn't dislike ya that much!"

"Wouldn't be surprised if the kid did, though. You were a prick since Day 1."

"We are getting off-topic here, guys. Are we adjusting the appointed time or not?"

The four of them spoke in voices that were somewhat quieter than usual, completely aware that the walls and door were not exactly fitting the definition of "soundproof", proving that even a grand mansion was not a perfect home. Even Ranmaru and Reiji, the two loudest of the quartet, were much more careful than they normally were, despite the moments of bickers and clashing that were generally normal in this group of differing personalities. However, Camus, Ai and Ranmaru eventually concluded that this conversation was useful for nothing besides a solid confirmation that the plan was unchanged, and they did not hesitate to get up and leave a protesting Reiji alone in the lounge. However, a problem that they had had no method of noticing was that their plan actually collided with Natsuki's, since both plans were set for the exact same day:

Today.

Moreover, to make matters worse, while the aim of Natsuki's plan was for the four of them to be happier, the predicted and eventual end-result of the quartet's plan... was anything but happy. The extent in regards to how happy, however, was hidden behind the invisible curtains of an illusion, much akin to a magic spell that diverted one's attention away from a truth in actual sight. As Reiji sat alone and sighed before taking another sip of the chamomile tea, his grey fedora tipping downwards, he knew that the news that were to be divulged would have an impact similar to a door being slammed to one's face, but that was the point. That was how reality worked - a tough lesson that needed to be taught - even if at least one or two of the juniors may have thought far enough to see it coming.

"They will be fine" was what the four seniors believed. 

Well... even if that appeared to be true...

Unfortunately, it was not. 

Not for one of their juniors.

For the one who was on his own and yet was smiling as he filled his mind with flowers and emotions, it was not and would not be fine.

...

Cecil Aijima

"Syo?"

Opening the door, Cecil looked into the bedroom and found Syo looking down at something in his hand. Tilting his head in mild confusion at the older blond's lack of response, Cecil called out a bit louder.

"Syo, we're going to the mall, right?"

"W-Whoa!"

Jumping up in surprise, Syo dropped the magazine in his hands as he swivelled around and faced Cecil with blue eyes wide with shock.

"Yeah! Yeah, the plan's still on!" Syo said a little too loudly, rubbing his head with a sheepish smile. "I must have kept you waiting, huh? Just give me a little more time and I'll be up and rearing to go!"

Syo's eyes flicked towards the magazine momentarily, causing Cecil to blink and look down at the magazine on the floor. Hastily, Syo reached down to pick it up, but Cecil was quicker to take it and search through the open pages for what had distracted his close friend. It was the latest issue of one of the most popular idol magazines in Japan. Cecil glanced at Syo, who took in a deep, heavy breath, and looked down at the magazine photos, not taking long to realize what was bothering Syo. His expression softening in pure understanding, Cecil turned to face Syo and asked.

"You miss Natsuki, don't you?"

Cecil offered a small smile.

"It's okay if you don't tell me, but... I miss him too."

The pages held a new article about the rising, powerful idol group known as "QUARTET NIGHT." The writer commended all five members for their joint charisma, talents and chemistry, as well as their creativity and unity throughout every song released and every performance given. There were several photos on the pages, both onstage and offstage, and all of them were overflowing with the deep closeness that the five members shared with one another. Cecil briefly remembered how Natsuki had always loved hugs and could not help the bittersweet feelings in his heart upon finding his former band member smiling warmly as in the picture Cecil was looking at, he was both hugging and hugged. In the family group shot, a warm Natsuki was hugging Camus, whose gaze was softer than usual as he carded the younger boy's sunshine blond hair with his left hand. Beside Natsuki was Ai, whose arm was wrapped around Natsuki as he smiled up at Reiji, whose hands were holding both Camus and Natsuki with grey eyes glowing with a bright smile towards Ranmaru. Ranmaru, who was standing next to Reiji behind the three youngest members of the group, was grinning lightly at Reiji as one hand ruffled Ai's teal hair and the other was placed on Camus' back. 

"We are a family," was a direct quote by Reiji from the interview that the article covered. Cecil did not need to watch the interview to know that the leader of the quintet knew that he meant it with all his heart. But thinking of how it was a family that Natsuki was a part of now, a family that was _not_ STARISH, did hurt at times, even though Cecil was genuinely happy for him and the senpais. Cecil knew that STARISH had treated Natsuki unfairly, that they did not deserve him, but still, even if it was unfair of Cecil... he did miss Natsuki.

"It's unfair of me, I know."

Syo admitted, surprising Cecil. His voice was quiet as his eyes remained lowered, his expression unreadable.

"I thought that when Masato, Tokiya and I kicked him out of the group, I'd be happier. I did not want him. I did not want to deal with him or know that he was much closer to a different band altogether despite being in STARISH or think of a maniac-of-an-alter-ego. I really, really did not want him, and it's fine if anyone hates me for it 'cause that's the truth. But it only made me even madder whenever I see him, Ai and the other three together as a group, why I lashed out when I realized that he became a member of QUARTET NIGHT. I tried convincing myself that he was the one who lost out by not being a STARISH member anymore, that he was the one missing out on a lot, that he was not happy. But... that's all literal trash-thinking, because I have never seen him nearly as honestly happy as he is now."

Syo laughed, but it was an empty laugh.

"And I... I'm the one who isn't happy. I can't blame Reiji-senpai for snapping back at me, 'cause I deserved it. His words were a slam to the face and I can't say that he was wrong 'cause he hit the mark. Every word of it was right. I did not want Natsuki to be happy and I was afraid of him. I was afraid that Natsuki would keep getting better and better and I would never be able to measure up to him. I was afraid that the same guy whom I had made the choice to expel from our group would shine way brighter than I did and that I would play a role in causing that. And now... he's the one who has moved on from me, while I'm the one stuck in the time we used to have with each other, even if most of it was spent with me hurting him. Every picture of the five of them I see, whether it's a magazine like this or the billboards... it stings. So, so much. Not because I want him back in the band, 'cause I don't and it's not what he wants. But because I have got no idea what to do with how things are now, what to make of _this_."

Syo slumped back against the wall, his eyes averted away, pain flashing across blue as he clenched his teeth tightly.

"Yeah, I hated him, but... I should be hating myself more."

_Natsuki wouldn't want you to hate yourself._

The words trailed along inside Cecil's head like a kite being swept by the wind, but he left them unsaid as he carefully approached Syo.

_He loves you too much to want that. He has always loved us too much._

Last year, after Shining officially announced that Natsuki had become a member of QUARTET NIGHT, Cecil, against his better judgement, had gone online and read the comments in regards to the tremendous change. While there were a number of haters who commented that Natsuki should have left STARISH a long time ago, there were also a myriad of fans who deeply supported this change, remarking that they had noticed how much happier he and the senpais were when they were together. Not only that, but there were even people who commented on what STARISH was losing by letting go of Natsuki, and there was one comment that had struck Cecil especially hard:

_"Each member of STARISH has a letter in the name representing them. Natsuki Shinomiya was the first letter 'S' of that name. Even if there are those awful haters that are too malicious to accept it, Natsuki no longer being in the group is bound to leave a gaping hole in the band. What will the first letter 'S' stand for now that he is gone? Star? He is a star. Shine? He shines brilliantly. Superstar? He is one. And before you throw hate in his way when you come in terms with that, too many of you in the fandom hated on him and discriminated him too many times, in too many ways. You either only want him when he's gone or just don't want anyone else to have him, and that's sick. As for the QUARTET NIGHT fans who are welcoming him with open arms, congratulations on a fine addition to an amazing band. Treasure him, because he deserves that and more."_

"You either only want him when he's gone or just don't want anyone else to have him..." was the part that pierced Cecil's heart the most painfully. Cecil and the rest of his band members had tried to pressure and force Natsuki to remain in the dorms when they found the latter getting closer and closer to Reiji and Ai and eventually Ranmaru and Camus. The six of them did not treasure him and were outwardly trying to prevent him from being treasured by the four people who earnestly loved him. And now, even many months after Natsuki's debut as a QUARTET NIGHT member... one way or another, STARISH still felt the gaping hole that his leave had formed within the group. Syo was right to say that it was unfair of them, and it just made it hurt even more.

Smiling painfully, Cecil reached a hand forward and squeezed Syo on the shoulder.

"Would you like to go out and get some fresh air with me?"

Cecil rubbed Syo on the back.

"We can even go feed breadcrumbs to the ducks in the park, just like Natsuki would. It may help us accept reality a bit more. Closure, is it?"

It earned a light chuckle from Syo. "The way you said it makes it sound weird, you know..." Syo raised his head up and smiled slightly at Cecil, a bit of the sadness faded away. "But yeah. Closure." Syo opened one of the cupboards and took a black hat with a pink band and propped it over his head. When he turned around again, Syo grinned slightly.

"Thanks, Cecil."

...

Flashback II: Day of Cards, Flowers and Illusions (No One's POV)

Part II: Flowers

Natsuki's first stop after having breakfast at one of his favourite cafes was the flower shop that he frequented in this city. He had spent the past few weeks contemplating the flowers that would go into the bouquet for Ai, Camus, Ranmaru and Reiji and was searching throughout every aisle of the flower shop to see what flowers were available. The florist-in-charge, Akise, was a good friend of his and immediately smiled when he entered, curious as to why Natsuki was at a flower shop so early in the day. When Natsuki explained what he wanted to do, Akise's face turned a bit brighter.

"Your seniors are incredibly lucky, having a sincere and kind junior like you."

Smiling faintly, Akise printed up the catalogue of flowers and held the sheet out to Natsuki.

"There are a number of flowers that have been sold out, in case you are confused later on. I hope this list helps you find what you're looking for, Shino."

Natsuki smiled warmly and thanked Akise before looking through the catalogue. He remembered the flowers by heart, having narrowed countless kinds and colours down for days while imagining how they would come together in one beautiful bouquet meant for the four senpais, his dear friends. He knew that there were a myriad of beautiful bouquets posted online and that he could replicate them if he wanted to, but he did not want that. He wished to piece together a flower bouquet that was dedicated and for them, and to do so, the ideas and feelings had to come from his own heart and be conveyed by him. Delphiniums, lisianthus, clematis pixie flowers, dandelions, cannas... He let out a soft sigh of relief as he smiled gently, noting that all of the flowers that he had matched to the catalogue and display so far were all there. But when he reached a particular flower, his eyes widened slightly.

"Akise-kun?"

"Yes, Shino?"

"Did you run out of forget-me-not flowers?"

Akise's eyes widened and he laughed, much to Natsuki's confusion. The young florist then explained that just recently, there had been so many more customers purchasing forget-me-not flowers in particular; children included. Forget-me-nots were beautiful, both in appearance and in meaning, so it was of no surprise that during spring of all seasons, those flowers in particular were especially popular. There were even customers that had bought large bouquets that comprised of only forget-me-not flowers especially for their dearest people. 

"Akise-kun, how long will the flower shop open?"

"Today is a weekend, so we are closing at 3."

"Okay. I will be back in a couple of hours, but before I go, could you please save some flowers for me?"

"Of course, Shino. Which flowers would you like?"

Natsuki took a couple of minutes to tell Akise the kinds of flowers, their colours and the number of each that he needed. Once they were done for now, the two young boys shared a warm hug and Natsuki left the flower shop to call for a taxi. From where he was, it was about a half an hour drive, which was why he was fortunate to have woken up earlier than usual. The blue taxi dropped him off at the entrance of the forest that he visited the most in the city and he waved the driver goodbye as the taxi was driven away. He had gone to the forest more than enough times to know that forget-me-nots were there at this time of the year, and the bouquet that he had pieced together in his mind would not be quite complete without these flowers. A child of flowers searching for flowers for a bouquet that he wished could make flowers bloom in his dear friends' hearts. He may not realize it, but what he was pouring all of his heart into doing was such an earnestly beautiful and delicate sight to witness. That was why Akise secretly decided to give the sweet boy a discount and pay the remainder on his own. That was why Natsuki's parents, to whom their son had told about his plan, were smiling warmly about today.

The boy who had never stopped reading books of fairy-tales was seen as someone with a heart so beautiful that it would not be that surprising if he were from a fairy-tale. And his innocent obliviousness about that very fact only served to accentuate that ethereal quality about him, much akin to how the flowers and leaves of the forest glowed amid sunshine as though they were emitting light on their own. A myriad of hummingbirds, pigeons and canaries soared over to him and hovered around him with bright melodies as they welcomed Natsuki, who had never failed to converse with them with a warm smile in a way that no one else ever did or could. Once Natsuki explained what he was searching for, the birdies all chirped agreements to help and spread across the forest along with the boy as other animals such as squirrels and deer joined them in their search. It was thus no surprise that Natsuki managed to find forget-me-not flowers in more places than one, and that he found more ideas along the way.

His heart was glowing even brighter than the flowers themselves, and he was the only one in the forest who did not realize that.

After gathering all of the flowers he needed in the basket that he borrowed from Akise, Natsuki called for a taxi again and headed straight for the flower shop. As Natsuki and Akise began talking about the flower bouquet that the former was planning to make, however, the atmosphere Shining's mansion was beginning to shift. Having had a long breakfast together at a comfortable diner, the juniors other than Natsuki had returned to the mansion as Otoya and Syo had forgotten their tickets for the amusement park, which they had all agreed to go to the moment Natsuki left the room to play his viola in private last week. Syo was the first to find his ticket and leave his dormitory. As he whistled a tune and waited in the living room area for the redhead, Syo found Ai and Camus heading in his direction. Syo called out to greet them, but all that he received were a silent, emotionless stare from Ai and narrowed eyes from Camus.

 _What on freaking-_ Syo had to restrain himself from cursing as he gaped at the two quieter members of QUARTET NIGHT. Those two _knew_ exactly what they were freaking doing. Were they trying to sike them out or something? Just what did they think they were trying to pull on him? 

Meanwhile, the main reason that Otoya was taking longer than Syo was because inside his dormitory was Reiji. Reiji raised his head up when Otoya came in, but he was not nearly as vibrant or talkative as usual. He nodded at Otoya with a light smile in response to the younger boy's cheerful greeting, but Reiji seemed somewhat distant and it made Otoya feel uneasy. Otoya nervously asked if anything happened, but Reiji merely shrugged him off with a smile, except that it further implied that something _did_ happen. So when Otoya and Syo met up in the commonplace, they were both bewildered beyond imagination.

The senpais, on the other hand, had begun their plan - a lesson seeping into the juniors like the cold trickling of water. Ranmaru overheard Syo and Otoya discussing the three other seniors with blatant shock, confusion and disbelief when the rocker was going back to his dormitory to grab his bass. A sense of pride and success towards knowing what they did not surged up within Ranmaru like a rush of vigor, even though he hid it well behind a natural scowl.

From the trickling of water, it would become a flood slamming against a dormant door.

...

The flower bouquet was not the only topic that Natsuki and Akise conversed about. 

Had their shared activity only been making the bouquet, Natsuki would have returned back to the mansion much sooner. Although they were good friends, the two young boys had not met each other in person for quite some time, given how Natsuki's schedules had been bustling with idol work. Akise had been working part-time in the flower shop while studying at university, while Natsuki had been growing into the idol that he had dreamt of being ever since he was a child. While catching up with each other, the two of them gathered the flowers and began inspecting their stems one by one, ensuring that the flowers were healthy enough for the bouquet, followed by examining their leaves. After agreeing on the measurements, they used a pair of scissors each to cut the stems of the chosen flowers under cold running water. Natsuki's parents had taught him that cutting the flower stems under running water would let the flowers live longer. He knew that the life span of flowers was painfully ephemeral, but the thought of the flowers living longer, whether in the heart or in real life, brought warm feelings welling up within his heart like a soulful cadence. 

"You said that you wanted to make your seniors happy."

Akise remarked as he began removing thorns from the stem of a lilac with a small knife.

"But I don't have to look at you to tell that you are glowing with happiness yourself, Shino."

"That's because the thought of them being happy makes me happy," Natsuki answered, smiling gently as he glanced at Shino and cut the thorns off the stem of a white forget-me-not. "They are not only my senpais, but also my dear friends. If I can make them at least a little happier, that's already a gift to me in a way, because they're really precious to me."

Natsuki exhaled softly, his gaze turning warmer.

"And I'm really happy that I get to share this memory with you too, Akise-kun."

Akise chuckled in earnest, hoping that Natsuki never changed. Once the flowers had all been prepared along with the soft, delicate wrapping papers, checking the clock, the two of them left the flower shop to have lunch at a nearby Japanese restaurant together, agreeing that they deserved a break. Once they were done eating, they immediately returned back to the flower shop to continue working on the bouquet, beginning the most intricate part of the process. They used the vase as a temporary medium to arrange the flowers within, knowing that they would take quite some time searching for the best arrangement possible. The majority of this was done by Natsuki alone as many customers came after lunch, aware that the shop would only be open for a couple more hours. However, with all of the flowers he needed right there, Natsuki was mainly calm and relaxed when he pieced the bouquet together flower by flower, his heart smiling more and more as everything fell into place like petals in a garden. Akise helped him cut the wrapping papers and ribbons and it was about half an hour before closing time when the bouquet was finally complete and...

It was such a heartwarming bouquet.

Even the customers - strangers - whose eyes fell upon the bouquet could not help but be amazed by how intricately beautiful it was. "Enchanted Wonderland" was the theme that Natsuki had aimed for, and it turned out to be a beautiful embodiment of exactly that. The bouquet resembled a deep, dense forest that was illumined by wondrous colours that may not be the brightest of all but were nevertheless beautiful and powerful. Dark green leaves filled the bouquet alongside multifarious flowers, the majority of which were snow blue delphiniums, lilacs, lavenders, light green clematis pixie flowers, vibrant red cannas - representing the colours of each QUARTET NIGHT member. Small white forget-me-nots and dandelions and yellow daffodils dotted the bouquet like tiny fireflies and fairy lights in a deep forest, deepening the imagery of the enchanted wonderland that the bouquet was - an unwavering beauty in the darkness of a forest. With the stems tied together, the bouquet was completed with red, blue, green and lavender wrapping paper and an elegant silver ribbon.

Astounded by the result, Akise had squeezed Natsuki on the shoulder with a bright smile, to which the latter smiled warmly. While Akise's original plan was to give Natsuki a discount, however, Natsuki, being as kind as he was, ended up being the one to pay a little more than usual for the flower bouquet, admitting that he was sincerely grateful to Akise for helping him. Sharing one last hug, Akise wished Natsuki the best of luck with the senpais, to which he nodded with a genuine smile that reflected the emotions in his heart. 

Akise had given him a dark blue veil to cover the bouquet so that not too much attention would be on him and in case he needed to hide the bouquet from certain people. Holding the veiled bouquet close to his chest, Natsuki gazed down at the dark blue, remembering the flowers by heart, as he waited for the taxi to come and bring him back to the mansion.

...

The sun had begun to dim by the time Natsuki arrived back at the mansion. The sky that had been a beautiful azure was slowly darkening into a pale grey, clouds gathering to obscure the sun like shadows against light. Cradling the bouquet covered by dark blue veil in his arms, he took a deep breath and let it out as he carefully walked along the corridor of the mansion, quietly looking around for any sign of Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus. It was not long until he heard Reiji's voice. Hoping to calm his stumbling heart, Natsuki began walking a bit faster, deciding to call out to the brunet once he was in sight. Just as he was about to leave the corridor, however-

"What are you planning?"

Syo's indignant shout froze Natsuki on the inside. It took a moment to realize, however, that Syo was not speaking to him as the younger blond was nowhere in his field of vision. Quietly leaning against the wall, Natsuki peeked into the next corridor, the corridor of windows, and his eyes widened in pure shock.

All of the Shining Stars besides Natsuki were there. However, the two idol groups were distinctly separated on two different sides. While Reiji, Ranmaru, Ai and Camus stood next to one another, Otoya, Tokiya, Masato, Ren, Syo and Cecil stood with one another, the two different groups facing each other amid an atmosphere laced with sheer suspense and tension. The six juniors had all gathered information and concluded that all four seniors had been acting differently than usual, and they had thus confronted the QUARTET NIGHT members upon returning from their hangout. However, Reiji, Ranmaru, Ai and Camus did not falter for even a second as they returned the stares being given to them, examining the six juniors with unreadable expressions that only intensified the thick tension like invisible fog as timepieces relinquished more and more seconds away. Tightening his arms around the bouquet, Natsuki lowered his eyes as his heartbeat grew louder and he hid behind the wall, trying to piece together what was happening, oblivious as to what Syo was talking about. That was when Camus spoke up with a crisp, firm voice.

"So as we had anticipated, none of you took our shifts in behaviour well, let alone lightly."

"Are you saying that it was deliberate?" Tokiya asked, a frown evident in his calm voice.

"It wasn't malicious or anythin' like that, if that's what you're implying." Ranmaru was fast to counter, his voice deep with disapproval. "You could call it a hard lesson. This one in particular called for us to be harder on you lot for it to be effective. Didn't get the chance to act on it with Natsuki, though, considering that we hadn't seen the guy since morning."

"Do any of you know where he is?" Ai inquired, his face stoic.

"I will try calling him."

Otoya took his cellphone out of his pocket and called Natsuki. Natsuki felt his heart breathe out a painful exhale at the fact that his phone was on mute. He had silenced his phone prior to returning to the mansion as he did not want to be interrupted when giving the bouquet. It had saved him from being found out and he was immensely relieved, especially since he was now starting to be unsure about giving the bouquet anytime soon. The last thing that he wanted was to make matters worse. Otoya hung up after about ten seconds, earning a heavy sigh from Tokiya.

"What do you even need him here for, anyway?"

Syo demanded, frowning deeply.

"Is there some kind of announcement? Something you want to tell us?"

"I suppose that Shinomiya being absent from this gathering will not hinder anyone," Camus remarked, although his eyes did narrow at Syo's jarring rudeness. "Therefore, allow me to begin by elaborating Kurosaki's point. Indeed was this a lesson. Now that you are considered full-fledged idols, you are bound to be faced with much more animosity, jealousy and other negative feelings directed towards you. The longer you linger in the spotlight, the more attention will be inevitably drawn to you peasants - both wanted and unwanted."

"You will have a fair share of enemies," Ranmaru added, his tone grave.

"And rivals." Reiji's voice was deeper than usual, serious, even from where Natsuki was standing. The words "enemies" and "rivals" brought chills running down the blond's spine as he wrapped his arms around the bouquet even tighter. "You may have forgotten this, but we, QUARTET NIGHT, are also a fellow group competing in the same industry as you: the idol industry. That did not change by even the slightest bit, even during our time in the Master Course. While the seven of you kouhais have been growing stronger, so have the four of us."

"We may belong to the same agency," Ai articulated, "but another fact that has remained constant is that we are in two separate groups: STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT. Because you have graduated from the Master Course, the seven of you as STARISH have become direct opponents to QUARTET NIGHT. Therefore," his teal eyes narrowed, "we are now officially rivals. Enemies, even, in certain circumstances. And our lesson for you was to give you a vivid picture of what it was like to have to meet less-than-friendly faces at work."

"What on actual..."

"Rivals? Enemies?"

"You guys..."

"And to conclude our lesson," Reiji interrupted the shocked, confused and disbelieving responses from the six juniors before the senpais' very eyes, unaware of Natsuki who was still in the same place behind the wall, his heart quavering in his chest, "we have one last announcement to make. Now, before we tell you, we would like to ask that you do _not_ take it personally. However, since the Master Course is over and we have taught you everything you need to know, with this being the final important lesson..."

Reiji narrowed his eyes marginally, and his next words made Natsuki freeze.

"We are moving out of the dorms. All four of us."

_"The flowers that you made into a beautiful bouquet was left unseen, like the wonderland that only Alice got to see, even if merely in dreams."_

...

Satsuki Shinomiya

Residing within the heart of the boy that he was meant to protect with every drop of his existence, Satsuki gazed towards the real world and with his own heart and ears wide open like filled pages of a book, listened.

_He is free._

A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

_Like the wounded bird that has managed to leave a cold and dark cage, he has spread his wings and is soaring even as he bears pain and sadness in his heart. And as he frees himself and is set free... he is freeing everyone around him from their own painful emotions, too._

Natsuki and his parents were paying a visit to his former primary school. Even though there were not many people that truly had his back in that school, with there being just about none who genuinely saw the sadness behind his smiles, there were still a number of people whom Natsuki loved that had lived within his memories as a child then. His time as a primary school student overlapped vastly with his years as a violin prodigy who composed ingenious compositions and played impeccably with his heart and soul. There were too many memories interlaced with utter sadness and dark grief hidden in a heart that strained itself too often for others, but even now, Natsuki was still a warm soul who did not forget the brightness even in the cruellest of times, always embracing kindness with all of him. It was still baffling to Satsuki, but it was also a wonder in itself - a fact that Satsuki had grown to not only accept, but also commend him for.

Right now, Satsuki was listening as the tender, reassuring cadence of the viola flowed throughout the assembly hall like a kaleidoscope of butterflies gently spreading across the clear blue of the spring sky, like flower petals and envelopes soaring upon the deliverance of the wind in a love ballad. _He is playing "Heroine's Prelude." The fourth piece._ The last piece that had been unlocked from his heart ever since that broken day the wretched violin teacher shattered Natsuki on the inside with a cruel, deceitful smile. Standing alone on the wooden platform of the stage with parted red curtains, Natsuki was playing the viola for every student, teacher and other member of the primary school that was gathered there today, not as the youth who had been known as a violin prodigy, but simply, as Natsuki Shinomiya. 

With both of his parents welling up with warm feelings of love and pride for their son as they sat in the front row with some of his former teachers, Natsuki maintained a composure that was relaxed but also strong and elegant, free to move alongside the melody of his viola as a soft smile reflecting his own heart graced his expression. _He is not afraid anymore. He isn't shrinking at the sound of the four violin pieces or at the thought of the instrument itself. He isn't running away and covering his eyes and ears from the broken memories that have now woken up from his heart. He isn't hiding his heart from the people who love him the most anymore._

_The stronger he grows, the more his heart heals. All while he remains the same kind, warm and earnest boy he has never stopped being._

The memories of the young violin prodigy broken and crying in the small room as he held his knees and felt his heart grow numb with sorrow echoed like the sounds of a mourning ghost, but those memories faded in Satsuki's mind as they made way for the scene that he was witnessing before his very eyes: the youth whose heart was much more radiant than the spring sun itself playing a bittersweet ballad hoping to move every child that was listening, hoping that at least a little bit, this song could protect them from the sadness and pain that was to come in every journey.

_He has always loved others and never stopped loving them. But he now understands and knows how to love himself too, and I don't want that to stop either._

The young violin prodigy would always reside within him, but so would his strength and courage. Even as the scars and the pain amid them could never disappear and be forgotten respectively, neither would his kindness and sincerity, his wish to heal and convey, no matter how much sadness came his way.

_He's been hurt too much sacrificing himself and hiding within himself._

Amid a scenery that only he could see, moved by the melody of the viola from the outside were the leaves and the flowers, swaying with a natural tenderness that could never be quite replicated by anything or anyone. Within a reflection of the garden that was referred to in the ballad that the quintet had made using the second violin piece "Bleeding Strings", the garden that would not have been as beautiful as it was without the brightness of Natsuki's tears. Taking a slow, unhurried stroll along the open pathway of the garden that was as beautiful as it was intricate with both depth and emotion, his hands tucked within the pockets of his loose black trousers, Satsuki let the gentle afternoon sunshine drape across his figure as he kept his gaze focused straight ahead, never glancing back even once. _I don't have to be afraid either._ He let out a quiet yet vague chuckle at the irony of those words, even though he understood them himself. _I really don't._

When he reached a small clearing, Satsuki noticed something that most normally did not get to see. Lying against the soft blades of verdant grass were delicate white seeds that would have been lost amid the green if not for how many they were in one place. _Dandelion seeds._ The seeds of a flower upon which innocent children often gently blew with the hopes of their wishes coming true. The wind was to carry those seeds that resembled white sparks across the sky, like a messenger of hopes and wishes, and Satsuki would be lying if he said it did not sound like one of those fairy-tales that Natsuki had loved reading ever since he was a small boy. Satsuki carefully approached the area where the seeds lied as the sounds of the viola resonated and rippled across the landscape like wind into water. Once he was directly in front of the white dandelion seeds, Satsuki crouched down and took a few of them into the palm of his right hand.

_They are no longer attached to their original flowers, meaning that they have soared and now, have landed. Far away from where they used to call "home", dandelions are similar to snow. Pristine white, fleeting, delicate and innocent. Both carry hopes and wishes in their own way as they emerge from the sky and reach the ground on which countless may not even notice them. At times, they are even stained with tears and blood, but... that's just how flawed and cold the world we're living in is. Even though you aren't nearly as pessimistic as I am, Natsuki, you understand that as much as I do, even if in our own ways._

Each seed that was lying on the grass now, detached from its flower of origin, represented a wish that had been made, a hope that had been entrusted to it by a soul.

_So I can ask you this without being scared as to what your answer will be. At least, not nearly as scared as I used to be._

Curling his fingers and closing in on his own palm, Satsuki recalled how Natsuki gently blew against the dandelion flowers and allowed the white seeds to soar up into the sky, unveiling a miracle of the flower meadows that he took Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus to. Colours welled up like emotions themselves, and Satsuki felt a wash of calm veil his heart like a translucent curtain.

_Did your wish come true, Natsuki?_

...

Flashback II: Day of Cards, Flowers and Illusions (No One's POV)

Part III: Cards

_"The fall of the house of cards was only seen and noticed by you."_

When one drowned into deep, dark water, the main struggle was not against the deafening tides or the coldness of the endless blue and black. Neither was it the rapid pulsating of a heart that was pumping blood that had run cold with fear and desperation, the uncontrollable breathing as you grasped for air or even a shred of light that signalled hope. It was none of that. Instead, it was the heaviness of the water. Coupled with the unbearable volume of the waves as a hefty whole, the water served to immerse and sink anyone and anything within its territory, without so much as a warning or signal. To be lost at sea and find one's own self being crashed upon by the tumultuous water, words and breaths distorted like a hollow melody, a lone body seemingly growing heavier and heavier like an illusion of weight had been cast upon it amid an unforgiving spell... And what made it worse was that no one could see you, all at the same time as you could not see anyone, like how no one but Alice saw the hidden cruelty of the wonderland that existed in her dreams, like how no one but Cinderella knew the reversing of miracles signalled by the sonorous resounding of the bells at midnight.

Like how no one but Natsuki himself could hear the amplified pounding of his heartbeat as his head seemed to grow heavier and heavier at the words that had just been relinquished from between Reiji's lips, his heartbeat that was barely given notice by the owner himself as the first crack was made deep inside a heart that he wore on his sleeve and was left broken even as it yearned to be bright for others. His mind felt like it was being submerged underwater, sinking and falling deeper and deeper into cold, lifeless water as the arrows of a clock that were made of thorns struck through the petals of the flower that was his heart and pierced darkly. _"We are moving out of the dorms. All four of us."_ No... no. The hands cradling the flower bouquet that he had poured all of his heart and soul into were quivering like the leaves of a forest threatened by a hurricane as he tried to remain calm, even as a painful, painful warmth welled up at the back of his eyes. 

_You're... you're leaving...? All of you?_

He did not realize that his hands were quivering so much that the bouquet itself had begun to tremble.

_I thought... we had more time... So, so much more time..._

"We will be leaving tomorrow morning."

Ai continued, his voice calm and succinct, devoid of any nonchalance.

"The majority of our luggage has been packed when all of you were outside." Ai paid no heed to the stunned expressions of all six STARISH members standing before his very eyes. "Therefore, the four of us will be moving to our respective accommodations tomorrow and be spending our last night here. The four of us discussed this matter and agreed that it was fitting that our last lesson connected directly to this very departure. As a matter of fact, it would not be false to say that this departure _is_ the last lesson itself."

Natsuki's eyes were barely open as his heart quavered in anguish, his head heavy with pain, like a deep darkness was draping itself over the forest of a wonderland of memories.

"You'll be seein' the four of us way more at work than before." Ranmaru narrowed his eyes, his tone as serious as it was determined to get the point across. "We'll be full-fledged rivals, even under the same agency, so you had better not be pulling any punches. 'Cause we did not teach you for you to hold back against anyone." Emotion flashed across his dual-coloured eyes. " _Especially_ us."

The lump in his throat was growing painfully thicker, like a white fog obscuring even the most beautiful and brightest of flowers.

_I can't give this bouquet._

"The Master Course is officially over." Camus' voice held resolute finality. "You may have believed that it was over the moment you graduated, but this is the official parting, from all four of us."

 _I can't... I..._ Each word rang colder and louder in Natsuki's heart, like the clock striking midnight, like the sign of a miracle's end. _I can't let them know. I can't... No matter how much I hoped I could make them at least a little happier... I..._

The first tear trickled down the left side of his face.

_I can't... I can't make them happy._

"As for Nattsun," Reiji added, causing Natsuki to wince sharply, "we would appreciate it if none of you told him just yet. He may have been absent for the final lesson given how he has spent today outside, but Ai-Ai, Myu-chan, Ran-Ran and I would like to tell him this ourselves, just like how you're hearing this directly from us." Tilting his fedora, Reiji smiled, but his grey eyes were almost challenging. "It's not entirely an end, mind you. It's simply the beginning of something new, starting with us no longer living under the same roof. So..."

His voice took a deeper intonation, and it numbed Natsuki even further on the inside.

"We wish you the very best of luck... our dear kouhais."

A shatter cracked across his heart as a house of cards crumbled within that same heart.

As soon as he heard the shuffling of footsteps, Natsuki swivelled towards where he had come from and broke into a run, clenching his teeth as he choked back a silent cry. The forest that held his unfulfilled wish for them darkened and was engulfed by the wind and haze as he forced himself to run as fast as possible without looking back even once, hoping with all his broken heart that no one heard or caught him as tears dribbled down his cheeks, a miracle reversing itself, an imagined wonderland of memories distorting with the sounds of the fateful clock. Holding the bouquet in his arms, his hands tightened around it as he let out a broken, quivering exhale and drew closer to the large entrance doors. _What was I... thinking...? Piecing together this bouquet and wanting to invite them to have a spring miracle with me... I can't do that. I can't do any of it. How... How did I ever think that they might say "yes"? How... How did I...? How..._

The sky was a cold, ominous grey, overlapped by clouds and shadows as he sprinted down the pathway and out of the gates, his heart tearing apart and away like a house of cards that was not meant to be, like the birds that flew once but were meant to fall away into the same darkness that they had wished to escape. Sprinting as fast as he could, he did not turn back even as the first raindrops dripped onto his head and gradually grew into a storm that the hood of his jacket could not quite protect him from, even as the cold seemed to numb his breaking heart even further.

_What..._

He did manage to call up a taxi, but even as he was sheltered in the vehicle, he could only close his eyes as he held the bouquet close to his chest, closed his eyes, and felt the warmth of the tears slip across his face, bound to disappear in a matter of passing time.

_What... is wrong with me?_

The taxi, following his quiet instructions, took him to the same forest that he had gone to look for forget-me-not flowers hours ago. Sheets of freezing rain cascaded upon him like cold tears as he slowly stumbled towards the shade underneath a vast treetop, the rainwater washing away the ephemeral warmth of his tears as his breaths came out uneven and trembling. Dropping down onto his knees, Natsuki carefully lowered and laid the flower bouquet on the damp green grass, his body racking with sobs, and without anyone to catch him or call him out on him, allowed himself to relinquish his tears and cry. He knew that it hurt and would hurt, but he did not think that it would hurt nearly this much. Quiet, broken sobs choking from between his lips, Natsuki squeezed his eyes shut and clutched his chest tightly, knowing without needing to look that the flowers were slowly falling away from one another, like a wonderland being taken apart piece by piece, a night of miracles disappearing illusion by illusion, star by star, like a magic trick exposed into nothingness, a flower being made vulnerable with each petal snatched away by the wind. _How did I even think that any of this was possible...? And now... now... they're leaving..._

His body trembled violently, but most of the trembles were not from the cold.

_And I... I couldn't make you smile... at all..._

He could have stayed much longer in the rain, but the only reason that he did not was that he would catch a cold, and there were people who loved and cared about him and would be worried if he did. The image of the bouquet that he had made with Akise's help just for the senpais flickered painfully inside his head like glowing flowers in a dark forest as he called up another taxi and asked not to be taken home but instead, one of his favourite cafés. The same café that unbeknownst to him then, would eventually be frequently visited by him together with four particular individuals whom he loved deeply. Once he arrived at the café, Natsuki was met with shocked and worried looks by his friends who worked there, including a young man named Taiki. He had brought himself to stop crying in the taxi, so it was most likely the rain that they were worried about, if they did not notice the streaks of red in his pained eyes. Taiki was quick to lead him to a warm, cosy private room, helping him take his wet jacket off, and take off to get his order done, remembering by heart one of Natsuki's favourite drinks to have on a rainy day. 

Gazing out the window with eyes behind which tears still threatened to fall, Natsuki took his yellow cellphone out and called his parents, who had wholeheartedly supported his idea of making a bouquet and inviting the four QUARTET NIGHT senpais to a spring miracle. His parents had been the one to give him a small nudge of encouragement towards the idea when he was still considering it. The truth was that even though Natsuki did not realize it himself, his parents had noticed the difference between how he was with QUARTET NIGHT and with his fellow band members. They did not say it to Natsuki just yet, but their son was earnestly much happier when speaking of and spending time with Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru rather than Ren, Syo, Cecil, Otoya, Masato and Tokiya. Natsuki never talked bad about anyone behind their backs, but his parents knew him more than well enough to tell, and so they were incredibly happy for their son when they saw how happy he was about his plan for the spring miracle. But that was also why both parents were extremely shocked and heartbroken when they heard Natsuki's broken voice in the call, not at all expecting to find their only child crying. It took a while to calm Natsuki down, with his mother trying to hold back tears, and they were quiet as they waited and listened to Natsuki telling them what happened.

And just like their only son, they felt it and understood.

The anguish and sorrow of the cruel coincidence amidst time.

It was at its cruellest today, for it caused two plans that should have not intersected to collide and shatter a heart that only wished to make others happier. Not only that, but it made Natsuki feel useless, backed into a corner as the house of cards was swept away like miracles being snatched away by wind, knowing that he had no other choice but to hide the bouquet if it meant the senpais neither finding out nor getting hurt. He was the only one who knew of the bouquet and the torn plans for a spring miracle. He was the only one who felt the pitch sadness of today cracking at his heart as he struggled to breathe from inside, his soul immersed into water as his cries were drowned out. He was the only one who witnessed the house of cards crumbling apart, understood the true pain behind the chiming of the bells at midnight, saw the disappearing of the wonderland that no one else noticed. And behind an illusion...

... was hiding a broken, crying heart that strained to believe, "I am fine."

...

Natsuki spent over three hours at the café, sipping hot mint chocolate. He was still mostly drenched and still shaken by the time he returned to the mansion, the sky already overtaken by dusk even as raindrops continued their unending descent from above like silver bullets. However, he was utterly grateful that he did not run into anyone when he made his way through the mansion and into his shared dormitory, not wanting to be questioned by anyone after everything that had happened. He even took a hot shower as fast as possible despite how much he needed the rejuvenation, for he did not want to have to handle complaints of being too long in the shower from Syo. He could not today. It was only after he finished taking a shower and changed clothes and when he was getting his viola and a few picture books when the dormitory door opened, revealing Ai.

Ai, his assigned mentor, whom he had not spoken with today.

"It is unlike you to return to the dormitories this late."

Ai remarked quietly, stating his observation.

"Did anything out of the ordinary happen?" He was asking out of curiosity, but another feeling that he did not recognize reached his normally-empty chest. 

A feeling that he would much later understand as "concern".

"I just had a few more things than usual to take care of today."

Natsuki answered as he straightened his body and faced Ai with a soft smile that hid the sadness welling up within his heart.

"I got caught in the rain, but I'll be fine, Ai-chan."

"I see." Ai nodded in understanding. "You should bring an umbrella with you in the future, as a precaution. It would be detrimental if you were to catch a cold or worse. Your health and well-being, after all, are highly important."

Natsuki nodded with a small smile. "I will. Thank you, Ai-chan."

"Also, Natsuki, I am certain that you are not aware of this, but Reiji, Ranmaru, Camus and I made an announcement to the other juniors when you had yet to return to the dormitories."

Ai looked directly into Natsuki's eyes, his own teal eyes calm.

"The four of us will be leaving the dormitories tomorrow morning. We have finished packing our belongings."

"I... I see..."

Natsuki's voice was softer than Ai expected it to be, as well as calmer than Natsuki himself expected it to be. Trying his best to smile despite the anguish burrowing deeply into his heart, Natsuki took a few steps forward and pulled Ai into a tight, heartfelt hug that brought tears welling up at the back of his own eyes all over again. Taking a deep breath and letting it out, Natsuki smiled weakly and whispered:

"Thank you for everything... Ai-chan. I know we'll still see each other a lot, but... I'm going to miss you so much."

Ai noticed the way Natsuki's body trembled slightly as the taller blond held him. His voice was not only soft, but also wavering a few times, and this was not at all the reaction that Ai and his fellow band members had received from the six other juniors. The feelings in his chest intensified, seeming to urge him to ask Natsuki about this, but his mind told him that based on what he read about emotions, Natsuki was most likely experiencing the painful emotions originating from someone he cared about leaving. Not to mention, Natsuki significantly deviated from data and perhaps, this was simply another part of that deviation, which Ai took note of for future research. After a couple more moments, Natsuki let go of Ai, gave him one last sincere smile, and left the dormitory with his viola case.

"Natsuki, you left your picture books."

"I'll read them later, Ai-chan," Natsuki assured, smiling again. "See you later."

"Okay."

Ai turned his head and gazed down at the picture books sitting on Natsuki's bedside table. There was a total of three picture books. _Alice in Wonderland_. _Cinderella_. _Bambi_. Tilting his head in curiosity, Ai took a step closer to the picture books and picked up the one at the top: _Alice in Wonderland_. For reasons that were disclosed to almost none, he did not have a normal childhood, meaning that he was hardly familiar with what it was like to relish in such fairy-tales as a child. Knowing that the kind and gentle blond would not mind, Ai took the three books from the table and took a seat on his own bed, deciding to read them one by one himself, starting with _Alice in Wonderland_. 

As he read, however, the feelings from before lingered in his chest like a red thread of fate.

...

Camus was taking a private walk throughout the interiors of the mansion with his loyal, steadfast dog, Alexander. The duo were striding through a corridor when the melodic sounds of the viola flowed into their ears. _Who is playing their instrument in this ungodly hour?_ was Camus' first thought as Alexander scuttled ahead, the dog clearly searching for the source of the music. _I will concede, however, that the playing is not bad._ Maintaining a placid expression in spite of his curiosity and puzzlement, Camus followed his dog and it did not take long for him to find himself standing outside of one of the many practice rooms that the mansion offered for the eleven of them. 

Quietly, Camus slowly opened the door and peered inside. _Shinomiya._ With his back facing the door, Natsuki was standing up with his hands in position, his bow moving gracefully across the viola strings as his fingers moved in accordance with the slow, distinct melody of the ballad. It was a couple more seconds later when Camus realized that Natsuki was playing a viola version of QUARTET NIGHT's "Poison Kiss" with just his instrument, a version that would be quite fitting if they ever decided to make the debut song into a ballad. Was this something that he often did? Of course Camus did not mind, but Natsuki did have a few judgemental band members who may say a word or two if they heard of this, even though the latter was doing nothing wrong. Or perhaps...

Camus furrowed his eyes.

Was Natsuki playing the song now... because he knew about the seniors' departure? 

It did sincerely make sense. However, despite being uncertain as to why, Camus could not help but feel as though there was another reason that remained unknown. While he was easily one of the most intelligent amid the Shining Stars, emotions could still stir up quite the trouble at times, as perplexing as it sounded.

That was when his ice-blue cellphone vibrated in his pocket.

Narrowing his eyes, Camus dipped his hand into his pocket and checked his cellphone, only to find new messages from Ai in the QUARTET NIGHT group chat. It appeared that Camus was indeed right. Ai had told Natsuki that the quartet was leaving tomorrow morning. Turning to look through the opening that the door allowed, Camus silently observed Natsuki, noting that even if it was because of their eventual departure, it was still quite bizarre for the younger boy to be found playing his viola this late in the day. However, it was not producing any adverse effects in any way, so Camus supposed that he could leave Natsuki uninterrupted. Relinquishing a quiet sigh, Camus carefully closed the door and left with Alexander, the delicate melody of the viola somehow lingering in his head longer than usual, much akin to the resonance of a heartbeat.

What Camus did not realize, however, was that while Natsuki's back was turned... tears were actually slipping down the innocent blond's cheeks. And if Camus had taken a few steps closer to Natsuki, the trembling of his shoulders would have too painfully easily been visible.

...

 _STARISH can be_ really _loud when they want to be._

Ranmaru mentally recalled as he passed the lounge room from which six juniors' voices were distinctly heard.

_Even the quiet guys in their group like Tokiya and Masato can be real loud. To think they were as quiet as mice during the freaking announcement... Volume's got no bounds in that group, huh?_

It appeared that Tokiya, Cecil, Ren, Syo, Masato and Otoya were having some sort of sleepover together, away from the four dormitories. Ranmaru did not take even a single peek into the room, but he knew their voices well enough to tell them apart. And he could tell that Natsuki was not among them who were in that room. Breathing in the cool night air, Ranmaru craned his head towards the window and found the raindrops falling down the night sky like shards of glass. Speaking of Natsuki, while Ranmaru had not run into the guy today, it looked like he did not have to be the one to break the news to the blond, since Ai already did. 

_A tough lesson with a tough ending_ , Ranmaru murmured in his head as he watched the rainfall. _According to Ai, Natsuki's sad but is taking it better than expected. With all actuality, if what Ai said is right, Natsuki's the one who's shown more sadness than any single one of the others. He ain't even having a sleepover with the other six. Weird, considerin' how much he cares about camaraderie._

_But he's gonna be fine._

Ranmaru relinquished a soft exhale into the cold night as he made his way towards his own bedroom, glad to know that he had the room to himself for the rest of his stay. He believed it was the truth, but unexpectedly, the word "fine" left a strange bitterness in his heart.

_He's much tougher than he looks. I'd say that he did not even need that hard lesson, 'cause he's the guy who'll keep pushing and striving to be the brightest he can be for those he cares about. That's who he's always been since the very beginning, after all._

None of it was a lie, but by believing in "He will be fine", he did not realize that he was overlooking the present too much. As the cold raindrops pelted against the glass window, unable to quite reach the warmth on the other side of the wall, the question was not " _Will_ he be fine?"

It was: Is _he fine?_

He was not.

...

Sitting alone in his shared dormitory, Reiji slipped on his headphones and scrolled through the songs in his viridian cellphone.

Sharing a bedroom with two other people meant him consistently needing to hide his own pain, sorrow and worries behind an unsuspecting, smiling face that served as a mask even after the sun had set and his idol work was done for the day. However, thanks to Tokiya and Otoya being at a sleepover with fellow band members, Reiji had the dormitory all to himself today, meaning that as long as he kept the door locked, he could take his smiling mask off and lay his heart bare in his chest, even if just for one night.

Leaning against the wall, Reiji closed his eyes and thought back to just a few minutes ago. While he was on his way back to his dormitory, Reiji heard Natsuki calling out to him. The first thing that Reiji noticed was how tired the younger boy was. Even though Natsuki's smile was gentle, the fatigue was clear in his green eyes and Reiji guessed that the viola case the former was holding had something to do with it. Concerned, Reiji inquired as to what Natsuki was doing playing the viola so late in the day, and the latter softly answered that he needed to tire himself to sleep. Reiji did not question it, quietly acknowledging that he did the same when his own past haunted him while his eyes were closed, sometimes causing him to overwork himself. Even though Natsuki's hugs had a tendency to be exceedingly tight, the hug that the younger blond gave him was so gentle and warm, which had caught Reiji off-guard.

 _I'll miss you a lot, Rei-chan-senpai_ , Natsuki had admitted quietly. _You are not my assigned mentor, but it does not make you any less of a friend to me. You're a dear, precious friend to me. And I hope we get to make even more memories together soon._

Reiji had not at all expected to be on the receiving end of such earnest, emotional words, but when he heard them from Natsuki, he could not help but feel his heart wrench in sadness, realizing that he, too, would miss the latter. Murmuring that he would miss Natsuki too and agreeing to make memories together, Reiji accepted the gentle smile tugging at his lips as he hugged the younger blond back, allowing himself at least this much, even if the back of his mind did not believe that he was deserving of such sincere sentiments from this sweet, innocent boy. Leaning even further back against the wall of his empty dormitory, Reiji adjusted his headphones and played the solo song that he had listened to throughout so many nights laced with pain and sadness like tonight, knowing that it would be his last night in this dormitory.

_"The glow of the buildings dissolved into the night sky_

_Gently blurred by your eyes_

_Tell me you're not burdened by this adult attitude_

_I can't seem to do anything right"_

Tonight was not nearly the most excruciating or heaviest of the tormenting nights that he had suffered through amid the past, but he did still feel quite an acute sense of loss lancing through his heart like a knife being pulled out of a bleeding wound. Not only that, but even as much as tonight was supposedly less painful than others, Reiji could not help but feel the lyrics bringing a painful warmth welling up within the chambers of his flawed heart - a warmth that was more painful than usual. He was unsure, but somehow he felt like he was missing something deeply important, something that he should have noticed by now. But then again, even in the happiest of moments, there was always a shadow lurking in his mind, questioning the validity of the warmth that he got to touch.

Letting out a heavy sigh that he did not allow himself to release when Otoya and Tokiya were inside, Reiji closed his eyes and gave himself up to the melody of the song, believing that tonight was not a night of illusions as he was not hiding himself behind one of his own. However, while it was true that he was not conjuring any deceiving illusions with the intent to misguide or mislead,

The boy with the viola was hiding behind an illusion of his own as he fell asleep sitting on a sofa in the mansion's library, warm tears streaking his cheeks as he remained near soundless, his heart pulsing within a forest that had seen a house of cards collapse, a beautiful bouquet hidden away, an illusion veiling away vulnerable sadness.

The clock of fate had turned, and the four seniors left him in the dormitories.

What not a single one of the five knew was that the clock had begun to turn again and about fourth months later, on a broken night in late September under glowing buildings and streetlamps, he was led back to them on the sidewalk as he was shattered from within. Another house of cards had collapsed, but this time, they all were there to see it unravelling before their very eyes and there was no illusion hiding his vulnerability.

All while the flowers in the forest of his heart slowly began to surface from the shadows. And that was when the clock struck midnight again... except that in that night of cards, flowers and illusions, it was the beginning of another miracle rather than an end.

End of Flashback

...

Ai Mikaze

_All that you wished for was to give us a miracle. A spring miracle. You wound together a gorgeous bouquet dedicated for and just for us, intertwined with delicate flowers, earnest feelings and bright imagery, holding out a heart that, with every drop of soul that it contained, hoped to bring pure happiness to us, even if just a single ounce. You wanted the five of us to be closer to one another, to share with one another, to be with one another, your sincerity bright with kindness and love. But through your wish to fill our hearts with colours and emotions that were as unforgettable as they were precious... your heart was wounded like the leaves that were torn by the sharp gales in rainfall, broken like the glass that could not withstand the brutality of an apathetic flood, and its shards and tears were witnessed by the moonlight._

Ai quietly clicked the arrow button to proceed to the next photo, the gentle melody of a lyricless ballad sinking into his mind like sakura petals.

_However, even as your plans were torn apart, your wish to make us happy remained constant, for you still did everything you could to ensure of it, even when it meant hiding the bouquet of flowers, hiding the broken fragments of your heart, hiding the true extent of that day's sadness. You may not have been able to invite us to see a spring miracle, but by choosing to remain as kind as you had always been, even when it was excruciating, you gave us a different miracle, even when we did not notice it then..._

_A miracle that hurt you and you alone._

If that frozen rainy day had served to be a catalyst for Satsuki's initial hatred towards the four seniors, especially Ai, he admitted that he could not blame the alter ego, because the mistakes that were made had formed a cold, irreversible crack inside Natsuki's heart. Even though it had been more than 365 days ever since that day, the recent discovery of that shattered truth shrouded his heart like the haunting, hazy echo of a cry from an abandoned forest as he looked through his digital photos of the times that the five of them had gone to places abundant with flowers and leaves, memories sealed into pictures. 

Natsuki's parents had assumed that their son had told Ai, Reiji, Ranmaru and Camus about that day already. About a week before the quintet embarked on their trip to Hokkaido, the four seniors had been on a video call with the parents, the two sides having an animated chat about Natsuki, who had yet to return from a photo shoot. That had been when Natsuki's father brightly suggested for the four seniors to take Natsuki to share a spring miracle, which had profoundly confused all of them as they had not known what it was. Realizing that the four of them had not known the truth about that day, the expressions on the two parents' faces were filled with pitch sadness as they, upon quiet requests from all four of them, explained what truly unravelled the day the four seniors announced their departure.

Words... could not even begin to convey the sheer shock, anguish and terror that had fallen upon all four of them, all as cold guilt stabbed them on the inside.

What further amplified the excruciating emotions was that they _did_ have a vivid recollection of that spring day in May, because of the unexplained peculiarity that they had felt within themselves. While Natsuki had managed to hide his sadness behind a gentle, earnest smile that he meant for them, the veiled truth had managed to crack through his seemingly-calm exterior, leaving hints that each of the four came across. All four of them had genuinely sensed that there may have been something more to that day that they did not quite grasp, but not a single one of them chose to dive deeper to find out what it was. Ai could not forget the anguish that had swept across Camus' face when he recalled how he had been standing just steps away from Natsuki when he was playing a ballad version of "Poison Kiss" on the viola that day and had chosen to walk away. The guilt that had been reflected in Ranmaru's eyes when he noted that he had known that the other six juniors had had a sleepover without Natsuki and if he had thought deeper, would have noticed how strange it was that the latter was generally the one not there. The way Reiji had softly gasped and covered his mouth with pain etching his eyes at the memory of how exhausted Natsuki was and how the fact that he had played the viola to tire himself enough to sleep should have been a dead giveaway towards how something was making the blond bleed on the inside.

And Ai... he also could never forget how he himself had noticed not only how late Natsuki had come back to the dormitory, but also how the blond had _trembled_ when hugging Ai. The three picture books that Natsuki had taken out to read - _Cinderella_ , _Alice in Wonderland_ , and _Bambi_ \- were a much more subtle hint, but what was not nearly as subtle was the fact that Natsuki did not sleep in the shared dormitory that night or even return even once. _He fell asleep in the library, Ai, dear_ , Mrs Shinomiya has softly revealed with a painful smile. _He was terrified that he would end up crying and being found out if he went back and saw you. He knew that even if he did not, he would not have been able to sleep, and... so he cried himself to sleep in the library, where he believed no one... would come finding him._ Natsuki had had four chances that day. For any single one of the four seniors could have reached out and noticed the fragments of his broken heart. The four of them only had to be a little kinder, take another step closer, make him stay instead of letting him walk away bringing with him only a viola and a broken soul. That had been all that it took, given how painfully close each of them had been.

But they let him leave on that rainy day, just like how he let them leave the day after without noticing the loneliness in his heart.

_You hid everything for us... even though you were not deserving of carrying that sadness alone. You hid it all, so that we did not have to feel the sadness that you felt, the tears that welled up in your heart, so that we could... be happy... even if you were not._

"It is strange how the nearing of special occasions has its ways of making the heart reminisce."

A thick, warm and colourful blanket was draped over Ai's back and shoulders. Mildly surprised, Ai lifted his gaze towards Camus, who propped himself down on his left and adjusted the blanket over Ai's shoulders with a serious yet soft expression.

"You were so deep in your thoughts that you did not notice how much lower the temperature has dropped." Camus sighed, but it was not a condescending sigh. Rather, it was filled with unspoken concern. "Thoughts, regardless how much depth they may hold, should not make you neglect your well-being, Ai. However, what I would like to know is... are you alright? Reflected in your reminiscing gaze is a profound sadness that has been lingering."

"You've been on your laptop looking through pictures of the meadows, forests and woods for ages now," Reiji added from Ai's right side, draping an arm across his shoulders. His grey eyes were flooded with concern and sadness. "You're... thinking about that rainy day last year, aren't ya? The day Nattsun hid his wish for our sake."

"There are certain instances when my regrets from the Master Course well up stronger than they normally do," Ai admitted softly, relinquishing a quieter breath. "I make deep analyses of what I should have analysed much sooner. When Natsuki's parents first unveiled the truth about that day, one of the first questions that I asked myself... was how could I have not analysed the situation further when I had always analysed topics that I had any uncertainty towards. I analysed innumerable kinds of data, performance standards, emotions that I did not quite understand, human behaviour... So why did I not conduct an analysis of him that day, even if it was merely for a selfish reason that was to satiate my own curiosity?"

"My intention is not to point fingers, but I believe that all four of us share the fault for not taking the additional step forward that we should have taken," Camus remarked, his voice nearly inaudible as he scooted closer to Ai. "Like I previously mentioned, none of us were even close to being as understanding or welcoming as individuals as we are in the present. It was a mistake that was more severe that day compared to an ordinary day. However," his ice-blue eyes softened with emotion, "the fact that you are reeling from that mistake simply shows how much you have grown as someone who acknowledges the presence of a heart."

"We can never be perfect, but we can be better than who we were in the past."

Reiji squeezed Ai's shoulder with a tender gaze in his warm grey eyes.

"And while we can never alter the past, it's fine, because with everything we've got, we can make the future even warmer and brighter together. We do not need to change the past to be sincerely happier. Neither do we need to dwell on the 'What if's and 'If only', even if we cannot help but do so at times like now. The five of us may have been unable to see a spring miracle last year, but it doesn't mean that we can't work on making a spring miracle of our own during the point in time where we live in now."

Shaking his head, Reiji offered Ai a reassuring smile.

"You have grown so, so much, Ai-Ai. Don't you ever deny yourself of that truth, alright? You deserve that and so much more."

The fact that those very words were originating from Reiji, who used to fixate on and be trapped amid the darkness of a past that could never be undone, made the emotions cascading through Ai's chest even more palpable with true strength - the strength that they had used to severely lack. The same went for what Camus had said, knowing how the latter's pride meant that he almost never outwardly admitted his shortcomings to most. And the truth within both Reiji and Camus' words did resonate deeply within him, like a melody that had formerly been unable to move a heart that used to hardly comprehend what it meant to feel. He knew that he could acknowledge deep within himself that he, just like Reiji, Camus, Ranmaru and Natsuki, sincerely did have substantial developments as both a person and a friend. And one of the living proofs of that was his ability to empathize with the people whom he cared about the most, as well as acknowledge his own faults no matter how minor they may be.

 _I do not deserve you_ , was one of his first thoughts towards Natsuki upon discovering the true extent of the latter's hurt and anguish.

However, now as he allowed his lips to ease into a genuine smile and pulled both Reiji and Camus towards himself for a silent, warm hug, Ai knew that those five words that made up a painful line had changed to fit a few more words and a different meaning. "I do not deserve you" had changed to a statement that was a wish as much as it was a dedication. Closing his eyes as two pairs of arms held him with warm strength and reassurances, Ai could barely hear the muffled rain drizzling on the other side of the glass windows as he leaned closer and let the moment overtake his heart and soul like a dreamscape.

 _I want to give you what you deserve_ , was now their wish and dedication.

Ranmaru, who had been cooking Japanese hotpot with Natsuki and his parents, called out from the kitchen area that dinner would be served soon. The silver-haired rocker had another purpose of being in the kitchen area: to make sure that Natsuki did not accidentally wander off and overhear Reiji, Ai or Camus discussing their plan. It worked impeccably, since there did not seem to be any form of shouting or yelling emerging from the kitchen. Sighing with a soft smile, Ai gently released both Reiji and Camus and looked down at the picture displayed on his laptop: a photo of the five of them having a picnic in the forest on a sunny afternoon, a simple yet beautiful moment captured in a picture.

_A miracle does not need to be loud, flashy, extravagant or demanding of attention. Some miracles may be small and seemingly ordinary, like a day in a forest or a single flower or the first time your shy hand squeezed mine, but I learned that it is such miracles that are often the most meaningful of all to the heart, even if not to the world._

Smiling a little, Ai closed his laptop and chuckled as Reiji wrapped his arms around him from behind and Camus smiled.

_You dedicated a miracle to us that spring day in May, even when it was left unnoticed. And now... we are bringing back a miracle that deserves to be realized. Dedicated to you._

Ren Jinguji

"Icchi?"

Ren's voice was calm but distinct.

"Where are you going this late in the day?"

Tokiya stiffened a little, but his composure was forced to calm down as he turned around to face Ren, who was gazing down at him from the top of the spiralling stairwell. Tokiya may be one of the most subtle and mysterious of the six STARISH members, but Ren was not the oldest for nothing. His pride did not only originate from his charming faces or charismatic demeanour, but also his ability to see through others and notice if anything was out of the ordinary, including when it came to his own friends. Wearing casual clothes and bringing nothing but a brown leather sling bag, Tokiya was no exception, regardless how much he tried to hide his own issues from the rest of the group. Letting out a somewhat exasperated sigh, Tokiya looked carefully at Ren and spoke.

"If this is about my injuries, I am not doing anything that will strain my body." Tokiya's response was firm. Careful. "I just need some time alone to clear my head. There is no need to be concerned. I can take care of myself just fine."

"Does it happen to be something that can be talked out with me or the others?"

Under the warm lighting of the mansion's fluorescent lamps, Ren furrowed his eyebrows faintly, glancing down at the white gauze wound around the younger male's arm.

"Because it isn't like you to head out at this hour, especially when you are recovering from injuries as severe as yours. You should really be staying indoors right now, Icchi."

"If I could discuss this matter with you..."

Tokiya began, his blue eyes narrowed with an emotion that Ren could not quite put a finger onto.

"Don't you think that I would have come to you sooner?" His voice was quiet yet sharp, much akin to a silent blade. Even if it was not nearly enough to crack Ren's composure. "I cannot discuss it with you because I am still trying to come in terms with it myself. Being given time to recuperate from the assault means that I have had more than plenty of time to think and reflect, and the emotions that have resulted from such thoughts have been heavy. And the place to further comprehend the circumstances as they are now is not this mansion, no matter how visible and painful my injuries still are."

"If you had told any of us that from the start, maybe I would have been fine letting you go on your own, Icchi," Ren firmly responded, folding his arms as he coolly disregarded the sharp edge of his close friend's voice. "Except that you were trying to slip away hoping that none of us would notice until you have already left. You are subtle, but not subtle enough for me to not notice. Moreover, with an unforgotten history involving your former idol persona and your pretence of having a twin brother..."

Ren narrowed his eyes marginally.

"I am quite sure that what you're hiding has to do with me as much as it does with Ikki, Cesshi and the rest of our band. Does this have anything to do with your previous idol life as H-"

"That. And the fact that what happened outside the studio that day brought back the reality of what it is like to be judged for the other persona that can never disappear from reality as long as people remember him."

Tokiya's voice was cold and crisp, but despite the icy gaze in his blue eyes, the pain within them was as bare as spilled shards under moonlight.

"Those girls assaulted me because they preferred a fake persona over the real me. Because they would be more than happy to throw Tokiya Ichinose into a hole if it offered even the smallest of chances that Hayato would make another appearance. It's always been the part that I hated the most every time I look into the mirror, remembering what it was like to pretend to be someone I am not because I felt that there was no way out. The assault that took place last week brought what it felt like stabbing through me even harder and sharper than before, and so I remembered the pain, the suffering and the memories that I have had to bear for years that I can never relive, no matter how desperately I did not want to remember."

Looking Ren directly in the eye, Tokiya's eyes tightened, but the pain only turned clearer as his voice slipped into a quieter tone.

"Does this remind you of someone else? Someone else whom I was hypocritical enough to force through the same hurt I felt."

Natsuki Shinomiya

"You go on ahead, Nacchan."

Giving his son a light push on the shoulder, Dad smiled encouragingly at Natsuki.

"You'll know what is going on once you get there. Mum and I will be close behind you, alright, son?"

Mum smiled softly, nodding as a sign of agreeing with Dad. The rain had stopped falling, leaving the night air damp and cold yet comforting at the same time. Small droplets of rain delicately slid down the surfaces of leaves and petals and sank down the atmosphere like silver gemstones that glimmered in the darkness even if they did not quite catch the blue moonlight. Standing on the wet verdant grass, even though he was still both surprised and confused as to what was going on, holding the elegant white envelope in his hands, Natsuki let out a soft exhale and smiled gently at his parents, deciding to go along with the flow of the night. Waving at his parents, he turned and proceeded to follow the brown owl into the forest, listening as the bird's beautiful wings flapped in a strong rhythm and shone in the moonlight.

Earlier that night, when Natsuki, Ai, Camus, Ranmaru and Reiji were ready fairy-tale books and having sincere and deep conversations, the latter was the first to say that he wanted to go to bed early, stating with a yawn that he was exhausted. Reiji asked if anyone else was sleeping early or at least wanted to cuddle, and almost immediately, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru said no. Pouting at the three, Reiji soon lit up when he turned to Natsuki and took his hands with wide, sparkling eyes, asking, _I didn't hear you say no, did I, my sweet Nattsun?_ Chuckling, Natsuki hugged Reiji and admitted that he was okay with sleeping earlier too, causing the latter to cheer as he pulled Natsuki over to the bed. What surprised Natsuki was that when he was lying on the bed and hugging Reiji, another pair of arms encircled him from behind, allowing him to grow warmer. And even though Reiji was the one who brought up sleeping earlier, Natsuki was sure that he himself was the first to fall asleep as the arms holding him and the fingers softly carding through his blond locks were more than enough to relax his body, with his ears barely hearing Reiji's warm chuckles.

When he was woken up by firm tapping from the glass window, the first thing that Natsuki had realized was that Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus were nowhere to be found. After he opened the window and let the owl into the bedroom, Natsuki softly inquired as to what happened and the owl answered by flying over to the dresser, the bird's soft hoots telling him to open it. He nodded and opened the dresser, only for his eyes to widen at the outfit prepared on the hangers separated from the other clothes as well as the small white envelope on top of the small drawers inside the dresser. Curious, Natsuki glanced at the owl and carefully opened the envelope, taking out the folded piece of paper inside, and read its words once he had unfolded the paper:

_"The night owl has been sent to guide you into the silent night._

_With this invitation in your hands, change into the outfit befitting the occasion and let the nocturnal messenger take the lead as the moonlight drapes upon the flowers, leaves and stars, your steps following the beating of its wings, your heartbeat dancing to the ticking of the invisible clock tower._

_The bells will not ring without you, after all._

_\- ???"_

_Even though it's probably just the beginning, somehow all of this feels like a story from those fairy-tale books that I have never stopped loving ever since I was a child. Even though it is not a dream and I know that I am in the real human world, it is a time like this that feels like I am being guided through a dream._

Wrapping his fingers a little tighter around the invitation, Natsuki did not lose sight of the owl and its glowing wings as he wandered deeper into the forest, the spring gales brushing against his clothes delicately. Even though the invitation did not mention who had written it, Natsuki was quite sure that it was from his dearest friends of their quintet. Despite being drawn into the night, he did not fail to look around for any sign of Reiji, Ranmaru, Camus and Ai as he followed the owl, his heart stumbling a little even as light as it felt, reminding him a little of how Cinderella might have felt when hurrying down the stairs at the ball and accidentally leaving behind her glass slipper.

_Are you... wishing to give me a dream...?_

Just before leaving his bedroom, Natsuki followed the instructions on the note and changed out of his pullover and pajama pants and into the outfit that had been prepared for him. He was now wearing a loose, semi-casual white collared shirt with short sleeves and a couple of yellow star imprints on the single pocket and black lines on the ends of the collar and sleeves. Matching the shirt was a pair of long black jeans that fit him impeccably and had the same yellow star imprints as the shirt, as well as a black-and-midnight-blue vest that he had decided to leave unbuttoned. When he went downstairs, his parents had given him a pair of black dance shoes to wear, completing the outfit with sincere and soft smiles that warmed his heart. Gazing ahead as his clothes fluttered faintly in the breeze, Natsuki felt his eyes slowly widen when he caught sight of the warm golden lights emerging from the trees ahead, glowing amid the leaves and petals as small as they were beautiful. _Are these... fairy lights?_ The owl stopped soaring forward and turned to Natsuki, hovering in mid-air as it hooted a few times.

"You want me to go forward first, Mr Owlie?"

The owl hooted in confirmation with bright black eyes, and Natsuki's face softened as his heart thumped a bit faster.

"Alright then, I will. Thank you so much for taking me here, Mr Owlie. You were a really kind guide."

The owl hooted again and hovered in the air as Natsuki slowly walked past the bird and followed the path taking him closer to the glowing lights adorning the forest. The warm glow fell upon the leaves and their raindrops beautifully, complimenting the silvery blue of the moonlight as the sounds of raindrops falling a few at a time rippled into the silent yet tender night that felt so, so much like a dream. Taking a deep breath and relinquishing it into the night, he could see the white vapour shroud the air for an ephemeral moment before dissipating as the glow slowly intensified with more and more yellow lights appearing and scintillating amid the greenery. The more steps closer he gradually took, the more colours surfaced in the form of fairy lights. Baby pink, light green, sky azure, lavender, innocent white... Every colour was light and innocuous in its own way, neither dark nor blinding, as gentle as they silently glistened like little wonders revived in the shadows of the forest's night. 

Even though he was walking on the grass, Natsuki could not help but feel almost as though he was floating and flowing in a sea of stars as he was drawn deeper, the silver stars above only accentuating the cadence that his heart was following. He was nearly scared that it was a dream that he would end up being abruptly woken up from without even finding his closest friends, but exhaling a breath that was shakier than the previous one, he found it within himself to believe and know that this was real and moved forward, warm emotions welling up within his heart like an ocean of lights. Eventually, he reached the clearing and almost as soon as he did, his eyes slowly dilated as his heart nearly stopped in his chest, utter astonishment overtaking his soul like a shooting star that fell in the sky.

_This is..._

He carefully blinked a few times, true trembles reaching his heart.

_No, it's... It... It can't be..._

Lying on a white picnic blanket on the soft green grass was a flower bouquet. Even from afar, Natsuki could vividly tell that it was one of the most heartfelt and gorgeous flower bouquets that he had ever seen. Stumbling a bit as he stepped closer, Natsuki could feel his heart quiver with emotion like the strings of a viola in the gentle wind as he carefully reached down and took the bouquet into his arms, gazing down at him with a breath caught in his throat. If there was ever a bouquet that could wholeheartedly tell the story of a warm, magical fairy-tale, it was easily this flower bouquet that he was now holding in his arms. Wrapped in soft white, pink and yellow fabrics, the bouquet was quite large and a bit heavier than most bouquets given the multifarious flowers within it. The bouquet was adorned with white baby's-breaths and lilies, pale rose pink cosmos flowers, light yellow and green roses and rose-pink alstroemeria flowers tinged with yellow as well as a few white and blue forget-me-not flowers and lilacs. The bouquet resembled broad, beautiful glows rising from the dark openings that the leaves allowed, like a delicate, ethereal fairy-tale being brought to life from the words written in black ink across white paper. Pressing the bouquet a little more against his chest, Natsuki felt something warm welling up at the back of his eyes as he thought of a spring miracle, a miracle that he had once wished to share and yet caused his heart to be shattered alone while he hid the truth of his pain and sorrow.

_That day... That rainy day last year in May..._

Memories of _Enchanted Wonderland_ , the bouquet that he had pieced together for four special people dear to his heart, flickered inside his head like petals coming to life from a garden that had seemed to stop breathing.

_I hid my broken wish for a miracle I couldn't give..._

He remembered how his heart and body had quivered as he fell onto his knees in the freezing rain, tears trickling down his cheeks in a forest devoid of fairy lights as the flower bouquet lied on the grass, never to be held in the arms of its intended recipients.

_A spring miracle. A flower bouquet is an invitation for a spring miracle._

_And if this flower bouquet is here then..._ His eyes were wide with tears that threatened to fall as he stared down at the flowers swaying gently in the near silent breeze as his heart throbbed amid the quivers in his chest, like leaves and petals trembling in a forest surrounded by the wind of the past. _The pain and sadness of that day that I had hidden like I did with those flowers..._

A lump was caught in his throat as his heartbeat grew louder like the pounding rain from that day.

_If you know... then... it means you're-_

"When we found out about that spring day of last year's May from your parents, we asked if we could see a picture of the flower bouquet that you would have given to us had our two plans not collided the way they had."

Soft, quiet words lulled him out of his whirling thoughts. A breath hitched in his throat, Natsuki turned and found Ai standing a few metres away from him, dressed in an outfit just about as semi-casual as his own, wearing a simple white shirt tinged with a little light lilac, a small blue forget-me-not peeking out of its pocket, and dark blue trousers. Ai's gaze was pure and soft as he slowly approached Natsuki, their eyes never leaving each other's as his next words remained as quiet as before.

"Your mother sent us the picture and the four of us agreed..." Ai admitted, his teal eyes glimmering under the twinkling stars and glowing fairy lights, "that it was much more than any single one of us deserved then. That flower bouquet, _Enchanted Wonderland_ , was pieced together with your earnest feelings and wishes towards and for us. You loved us so much, Natsuki, even then, and yet we..."

When Ai was directly in front of Natsuki, the teal-haired boy reached forward and placed his hands over those cradling the bouquet, squeezing tightly with a faint smile dyeing his lips.

"We didn't love you nearly enough then. Because if we had... you wouldn't have had to hide everything alone."

"That's... that's not true... at all."

Slowly shaking his head once, Natsuki gazed painfully at Ai as his heart silently quivered in his chest, the hands holding his own radiating with tender warmth as his quiet voice wavered like the wind.

"Even though we weren't as close to one another as we are now, you did love me so, so much, even if you didn't realize it. I wouldn't have made the bouquet and planned to take you to a spring miracle that day if I didn't think you cared at all. I'm the one who shouldn't have chosen to invite you guys to see a spring miracle that day, Ai-chan... You didn't have to say it for me to realize... that you wouldn't have said yes. Except that..." his voice cracked a little, "what it took... for me to realize it... left a scar that I never wanted you to see. And now... you've seen it."

"That scar, along with its hurt and suffering, was something that we all _should_ have seen one way or another that day before we left, kiddo."

Ranmaru appeared from the opposite direction from which Ai had come from, his heterochromatic eyes furrowed yet filled with emotion as his black jacket and dark red tie billowed in the spring wind. Held in the pocket of his jacket was a white lily. Striding towards Ai and Natsuki, the older silver-haired male shook his head as he spoke in a calm, firm voice.

"All four of us had a chance each. You were doing all you could to make sure we didn't realize how hurt you really were, but there were a few flaws that cracked through and hinted at what you were hidin' alone. Whether we noticed the viola-playing in the practice room or the way you wished us well or the softer tone of your voice, we all knew something didn't feel right and had one chance to look deeper. And no matter how much you disagree with us, none of us four took the chance that we all had, and we all let you down and left you alone. When that was the last thing that we should have done."

"Granted, three out of four of us would have inevitably turned you down had you managed to extend your invitation out to us. However, that mere fact does not change another statement, which is the fact that regardless if we noticed the bouquet or even a sliver of a spring miracle, we should have noticed the broken heart that you were wearing on your sleeve."

Camus remarked as he took decisive, even steps deeper into the clearing, his voice a deep baritone as well as quiet and soft. A few white baby's-breaths peering out of its pocket, his grey waistcoat was completely buttoned over his elegant sky-blue-and-white dress shirt as he directed his gaze towards Natsuki. Ranmaru, who had reached the two youngest members, wrapped his arms around both Ai and Natsuki, his eyes serious but brighter than usual.

"Do not mistake this as merely an attempt at redeeming ourselves for the cruel fate that had fallen into place that cold spring day in May. While the events of that day cannot truly be amended by simply a mere apology, guilt and anguish are not at all the main reason why we are here in the forest, under the glows and amid the trees and flowers, at this very moment. Tonight is not only about sharing a spring miracle that was unable to be realized more than a year ago, but also about cherishing as well as embracing the miracles that we already have."

Reaching the three of them, Camus wrapped his fingers around Natsuki's shoulder, his eyes easing into a tender smile.

"Perhaps it is not as dreamlike as a fairy-tale or fantasy may be, but this is the result of all of us pouring every drop of our hearts and souls into fulfilling the same wish that you made more than a year ago." Warmth seeped into the blue of his eyes as he squeezed assuringly. "A wish to share a spring miracle with our hands holding the miracle that we love and have... The miracle that is you."

"So from the moment we found out, the four of us began planning how we were going to surprise you, to make you happier just like how you had wished to make us."

Reiji's voice appeared from behind Natsuki. Surprised as he had not seen Reiji approaching them, Natsuki turned and found the oldest member of the quintet a couple of steps away, his hands by his side, his expression as fond as it was luminous with warmth. A slight smile reaching his lips, Reiji chuckled warmly as he stepped closer, a pale pink cosmos flower tucked neatly into the pocket of his unbuttoned deep sapphire vest worn over his dark olive shirt.

"Starting from the invitation: the flower bouquet. The theme you chose was 'Enchanted Wonderland', so we wanted to look for something that could mirror the wish and feelings conveyed by your bouquet that could be connected back to the theme, all while searching for a way to express our feelings as well. We borrowed some of your favourite picture books and read 'em through. You should have seen how serene it all was. Even Ran-Ran who normally gets worked up and embarrassed about this kind of stuff was so relaxed-"

"Reiji!" Ranmaru half-hissed-half-yelled, his cheeks flaring red.

"Okay, okay! I'll tell Nattsun more about it later - gotta keep the moment light and serene, right?" Reiji gave a slight, teasing grin as Ranmaru groaned and Ai and Camus smiled in partial amusement, with Natsuki chuckling softly. "Moving on... yep, it was when we were reading when the ideas began coming through and piecing themselves together, Nattsun. You conveyed a wonderland that only the five of us could enter and reach into, a wonderland with all of our colours never erased no matter how deep the forest became. A magical, beautiful metaphor for the true feelings and memories that you held in your heart. And the bouquet in your arms right now... is our very own metaphor for our honest feelings and memories with and of you."

Reiji reached forward and caressed the petal of a yellow rose from the bouquet, his eyes lingering on Natsuki's own with tender emotion.

"A fairy-tale. That was the metaphor we chose. So we named this bouquet _Fairy-Tale Dream_. Because the colours that get to live in our souls, the flowers that bloom in the bottom of our hearts, the warm sunshine that our emotions get to feel like, every memory, every treasure, everything that we hold and touch with you... It all feels like a dream that we are terrified of waking up from, a fairy-tale that seems to beautiful to exist but really does. Because it's you." Reiji's voice grew softer as tears began to peek from the corners of his eyes. "It's always been you. A miracle shared with others can only truly be a miracle if you're happy with all of your heart, and that's how we feel about you."

"Like we said the night you became a QUARTET NIGHT member, we don't want anyone else and we won't take anyone else. And it did not just apply to the band itself."

Ranmaru's expression softened into a small smile, tightening his arm around Natsuki.

"We want you. All of you. Even if you hide again, you can bet we'll all come finding you and pulling you back to us, 'cause that's how much you mean to us, no matter how many times it repeats. But you already know that you don't have to hide anything anymore, right?"

"Precisely like how a story cannot progress unless you turn to the next page, the spring miracle cannot begin unless you accept the invitation extended to you. The bells of the invisible clock tower will not ring without you, after all."

Recalling part of the written invitation, Camus mused aloud, a slight smile on his lips.

"So what will it be?"

"Allow me to be specific." Ai held Natsuki's hands and looked deeply into his eyes, his own teal eyes radiant with tranquil warmth. "On behalf of the rest of our quintet, Natsuki..."

Ai's voice was quiet as he smiled in earnest.

"Would you like to share a spring miracle with us?"

Warm tears peeked from the corners of Natsuki's eyes and silently streamed down his cheeks as he gazed at his four closest friends who were all smiling at him, the lump in his throat thick with words that his quivering lips were struggling to speak. "Ai-chan... guys-" He could hardly stop himself from crying as they pulled him closer, their hands as warm as the tender expressions on their faces. He was trembling uncontrollably, his heart struggling to breathe evenly as warm emotions flooded and overflowed in his heart, mind and soul, like thousands of flowers and stars spilling across an empty sky - the sky that would not be nearly this bright without any of them. He had an entirely different reason to cry and quiver than that day he had knelt in the cold rain or that day he had broken down in the sidewalk, and it was them.

All of them.

"You didn't need... a bouquet... to share a spring miracle."

Natsuki brought himself to whisper even as his voice trembled and tears trickled down his cheeks.

"You just needed... to be here. That's all I wanted, more than anything... because the miracle, more than anything... means memories. Memories of us... that's what I wanted then and will never stop wishing for."

"We know."

Ai's smile was sincere as he reached up and wiped the tears from Natsuki's cheeks, his teal eyes glassy.

"But that doesn't mean that we can't give you more. And we want to give you more, all while we wish the same as you."

"We want to feel even more with you."

Reiji smiled gently as a few tears slipped down his own cheeks, glistening under the bright night.

"So whaddya say, our dearest Nattsun? Will you let us?"

"You guys all know the answer."

Letting out a few warm, earnest laughs despite the tears falling down his face, Natsuki gazed at Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus, a true smile reflected in his eyes and heart.

"Yes." It almost felt like he was letting out a soft breath. "Let's share a spring miracle."

Almost as soon as the words were whispered, the singing voice of a nightingale resounded from a distance, rippling like a petal into the surface of clear water, a star into the sky. One voice became two, then four, then eight, then countless, countless more, like the flowers blooming in the meadows, the leaves growing on trees and bushes, stars illumining an infinite galaxy, resonating in a chorus of beautiful melodies. Adjusting the arms wrapped around the bouquet, Natsuki felt himself leaning a bit closer to Ranmaru, who let out a warm laugh and pulled him closer, as Reiji smiled softly and switched off his cellphone which had been interconnected in a call with Natsuki's dad. Within ephemeral moments, a myriad of nightingales, owls, songsters, corncrakes and nightjars revealed themselves from the treetops and emerged in the sky. The wings that they spread were caught beautifully by the azure moonlight, almost like they themselves were luminescent, like glowing petals and leaves, all while actual flower petals slowly floated and showered down the five of them as they gazed up in pure wonder and awe.

_A garden in the sky._

He felt Ai squeeze his hands softly, allowing an earnest smile to tinge his lips.

_A spring wonder that is beautiful because I am with you._

Natsuki barely felt a pair of hands gently take the bouquet from him and before he knew it, his eyes were widened in surprise as a warm hand grabbed his and spun him around as though in a dance. "D-Dad!" Natsuki's dad laughed heartily as he himself spun once and insisted that Natsuki did the same, proclaiming that they used to do it all the time during his childhood days. That it was their small yet happy way of being in a wonderland, even if they were not actually in one. Grinning, Reiji immediately grabbed a protesting Ranmaru and spun him around, bowing in a joking manner as the latter yelled at him. A curious Ai remarked that it did sound like something that a child would do and did a perfect spin himself, at which Camus chuckled in amusement. As everyone laughed, Natsuki found a pair of arms hugging him from behind and gazed down at his mum, who was leaning into him with warm tears staining her cheeks. Soft emotions tugging at his heartstrings, Natsuki closed his eyes and held his mum in return as the seven of them huddled together for another hug, with countless more to come as the feathers and petals gently cascaded down the starry night sky in a miracle that not even the bells of a clock tower could reverse.

Because the "m" in "miracle" was memories.

And they were memories that none of them would ever allow to slip from their hearts, even after the night was over, even if the petals stopped falling.

Tokiya Ichinose

This was certainly not how he had expected the night to turn out.

Tokiya had planned to wander around Saotome Academy alone, the school where he had first met as well as befriended Natsuki. He had planned to pay a visit to each of the spots that Natsuki had either visited or most likely did, such as the Class A classroom, the lake area, the courtyard, and the music room, envisioning the tranquil moments that his former band member had, times when he had been able to truly smile. He would have been more certain as to which areas to visit had he taken much more time to get to know Natsuki, but it would have to do for now. Of course, it would have done nothing to mend the pain or sadness that Tokiya had inflicted upon Natsuki, but Tokiya wanted to dedicate at least tonight to him before they crossed paths again. 

Except that the plan near entirely changed.

"No one loves colours and nature more than Shinomi."

Casually maneuvering the steering wheel, Ren glanced over his shoulder and let out a chuckle.

"Now that we're all on the same page, I think it's about time we took a drive around the city, right?"

Tokiya sighed with a small smile as Otoya and Cecil cheered; Syo grinned; and Masato nodded with a gentler expression. During his and Ren's heated confrontation at the stairwell of Shining's mansion, Tokiya had realized too late that Otoya, Cecil, Syo and Masato had been listening in upon stumbling upon the encounter, hiding behind the wall as they did. Ren had known that the four were there and had only revealed their presence after Tokiya's revelation of his true feelings. The six of them then shared a deep conversation that the six of them agreed was much overdue and it was when Ren suggested that all of them went for a drive together, dedicating the night to their former band member who would never come back but nevertheless deserved to be cherished by them and more. Leaning back comfortably against the backrest beside Ren, Tokiya stared ahead out of the glass window and into the colourful buildings of the cool yet clear night as his heart pulsed with lighter steps than it had hours earlier.

_This wasn't at all how I planned for tonight to be, but... I can't say I mind._

Ren turned to him and winked with a smooth grin. Shaking his head, Tokiya sighed again but let himself smile a bit, indulging the oldest STARISH member in his whims.

_I'd even go as far as to say that I wouldn't change a thing, actually. Really._

The six of them agreed to select one place each - a place that Natsuki either loved or would love. From there, they could all gradually take even more steps towards truly coming in terms with their intertwined past with the former band member whom they had taken for granted, whom they hoped that they could someday have a brighter future with, as well as the cruel words and actions that none of them could ever take back no matter how much they had grown as individuals, idols and friends. There had been quite a bit of cries and tears in the mansion, even though Syo had tried his utmost best to restrain his own tears, and while there was bound to be even more to come tonight, the six of them were going to face all of it together, both as STARISH and as a simple group that was learning what it truly meant to be a family.

_Kotobuki-san, Mikaze-san, Camus-senpai and Kurosaki-senpai easily would have known the best places to visit in order to dedicate a night to Shinomiya-san. However, it wouldn't be or feel right to ask any of them, even if they'd be willing to converse with me after all that I've done to the quintet. The six of us should be doing this on our own, conveying our feelings using our own minds and hearts and not anyone else's, and so that's what we'll do tonight._

_Tonight belongs to Shinomiya-san. Natsuki Shinomiya-san._

"It's been so long since we last visited the academy!"

"It feels quite different entering the academy as alumni rather than students, doesn't it?"

"You bet it does!"

"Who knows how many ladies are still up at this h-"

"Ren, don't even start!"

 _If it gets too late, we will continue this another night_ , Tokiya thought to himself, sighing as Syo yelled at a smirking Ren, _but even so, the meaning of the night stays the same, no matter how much time passes by. Just like how the past remains unchanged no matter how many times the clock strikes midnight. Syo and I have yet to figure out how we will face Shinomiya-san and the rest of QUARTET NIGHT when they return from Hokkaido, but it's not nearly as difficult as what we have forced them through. That much, we know, so the least we can do is simply to do what we can and accept everything as they will be._

Facing his vague reflection on the front window, Tokiya hid the sorrow of a painful recollection as he looked forward at the infinite night sky.

_I am truly a hypocrite. Treating Shinomiya-san poorly and like he were inferior with one of the reasons being his struggle with an alter ego, when I myself suffered through having a persona that contrasted my actual self. I treated him far worse than I was treated, not caring how much he suffered on his own when it meant more than I could imagine to be cared for who I truly am. I know that tonight is not nearly enough to redeem myself - no one night will ever be._

Yet for the first time in an indefinite amount of time, the smile in his heart was rather light.

_But like spring, it's a start. A start that I had just managed to admit I needed. And as ironic as it is... it's thanks to you, Shinomiya-san. Even though you aren't here with us, it really is._

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Ah, looks like it's past midnight now."

"Are you trying to get into the role of Cinderella, Reiji?"

"You'd make a terrible Cinderella, just sayin'."

"Hey! Ai-Ai! Ran-Ran!" Reiji protested in embarrassment as Ranmaru smirked and Ai smiled in amusement. "I wasn't trying to get into a role or anything! What I mean is that it's past midnight, meaning the day's changed." He smiled brightly. "You know what it means, right?"

"I may be unable to speak for all of us," Camus answered with a half-teasing smile as he closed the blue thermos of milk tea, all of them sitting on soft picnic blankets, "but how bold of you to imply the smidgen of possibility that I could have forgotten." He turned to Natsuki, his smile curving a little more. "Are you aware of what Reiji is referring to?"

"M-Me?" Natsuki asked softly, his eyes widening in confusion as everyone else faced him with knowing smiles that did not seem to help his cause. "Eto..." He tried to think as Reiji chuckled and tousled his wavy blond hair. "What day is it today?"

"The month is June and that's all we're tellin' ya," Ranmaru teased, clearly enjoying himself as he crossed his arms with a mischievous grin. When Natsuki reached for his yellow cellphone, Ranmaru immediately took it and held it up. "Nope, you don't get to use your phone for this either."

"Why do you think we deliberately selected tonight to share this spring miracle with you?" Ai inquired, smiling mysteriously as Camus and Reiji chuckled.

"Um..." Natsuki's face was reddening with shyness, "is it a special occasion that I don't know about?"

"Nope," Reiji replied, shaking his head with a laugh.

"June..." Natsuki trailed off, unsure why they were so sure that he knew. "I'm really sure that there aren't many special days on June-"

"Oh my-" Dad could not help but laugh, shaking his head in disbelief as Mum laughed softly. "Ran, you all were right when you predicted that he'd forget. Nacchan remembers every other occasion _but_ this!"

"Natsuki," Camus began, shaking his head in amusement as Natsuki stared at everyone who were laughing, "will telling you that it is someone's birthday _finally_ jog your memory? You are truly unbelievable. An altruist to the very end."

"But Myu-chan," Natsuki answered, blinking in confusion as Reiji hugged him even tighter and Ranmaru grinned, "I remember all of your birthdays and none of them are in June. Rei-Rei's birthday is next month, and that's the closest that I-" A memory flickered inside his head and his eyes slowly widened as his cheeks began swelling with blood again. "O-Oh.... oh."

Blinking a couple of times, Natsuki slowly faced Ai, Camus, Reiji, Ranmaru, Mum and Dad, his heart pulsating in his chest.

"Is today... June 9...?"

"And _'Oh'_ is the first thing you have to say?" Ranmaru remarked teasingly, shaking his head as he ruffled Natsuki's hair. "Is that the first thing you say once you remember what the occasion is? But I guess that we can let it slide. The pink colour on your face says a thousand words as it is, and that's more than enough to sit back and enjoy." Natsuki smiled shyly as all of them laughed. "Now, let us all be the first to say it tonight, even if the celebrations began even before the clock struck midnight."

Everyone shifted even closer to him and Natsuki found his heart beating even louder as his words were stuck in his throat. He could feel pure warmth and emotions radiating not only from the way they held and surrounded him, but also from the hearts that were beating with and for his own. In this moment that was so beautiful that it could have been mistaken to be from a fairy-tale, under the colourful fairy lights and stars and watchful birds, he allowed his hands to be intertwined with Reiji and Ai's as his parents held him and Ranmaru and Camus completed the huddle, warm tears of happiness and love for everyone here with him threatening to fall all over again as his own emotions grew even brighter, just like the star that would never be able to come alive without them.

"Nattsun..."

"Nacchan..."

"Natsuki..."

He was bright and alive with them, and it was the most precious miracle of all. Their voices soft and warm as they called him, they gazed at him and with earnest smiles, wished at the same time, at the same moment. Just like a shooting star fell across the sky garden. 

Except he had no wishes to make, since they were all right here.

"Happy Birthday."

_"To a world_

_I can scarcely describe-3,2,1,_

_I'll lead you there_

_Cinderella's love_

_In the passion of a moonlit night,_

_This unbreakable magic is_

_Shining..."_

\- "Tsukiakari no Dearest", by Ai Mikaze (Shouta Aoi) and Camus (Maeno Tomoaki)

_"Casting aside everything else,_

_I want to be able to tell you!_

_"Tonight, in this world of dreams,"_

_I'll touch your heart..."_

\- "Masquerade Mirage", by Reiji Kotobuki (Showtaro Morikubo), Ai Mikaze (Shouta Aoi) and Natsuki Shinomiya (Kisho Taniyama)


	73. Stardust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of attempted child sexual abuse (CSA)

Ai Mikaze

_"Is QUARTET NIGHT a peaceful group or a chaotic group?" If an individual were to make such an inquiry to anyone who even only remotely knows the five of us, I am reasonably certain that close to 100% of the time, the answer will be exactly the same, regardless if it is meant in a positive or negative manner. Considering the yells, shouts, bickers and screams that emerge in just about every Behind-the-Scenes footage, how even the quietest introverts of the group can be quite vocal and contribute to the perils even if unintentional, as well as a myriad of other examples such as tickle fights, competitive games and pranks, it is near impossible for someone with a sane, rational mind to believe that our group is a tranquil quintet. Whether this is seen in a positive or negative light, the word "chaos" is the constant that will never be alterable as long as the five of us are in one room. Ask the people closest to the five of us amid our personal lives, such as Eli, Yuuto, Satsuki, Ren and Hakase, and I have no doubt that they will be laughing as the foundational answer is, to put it frankly, obvious to the point that it humours._

_QUARTET NIGHT is a quintet overwhelmed with colours, sounds and words that sometimes even they themselves lose control over. That is simply a fact that is an integral part of QUARTET NIGHT's collective identity in society. However... QUARTET NIGHT is capable of tranquility and peace if the situation does call for it, if they coincidentally happen to be in the mood to have it, even if it appears to be rarer than the number of times they are found in a flurry of kaleidoscopic colours and emotions. If I were to be asked for one moment to give as an example, there are multifarious examples that will flow into my mind like flowers and petals without the need to think deeply. As astonishing as it may sound... that is also a part of our truth._

_And the memory that is now being pieced together and has begun to link our hearts even deeper with one another..._

The waves swept forward in his near soundless mind, undulating with a gentle voice, before drifting away like they were enthralled by a dream that would eventually end, their sounds almost deceivingly beautiful.

_It's one of them. It is irreplaceable and beautifully one of the memories that have us sharing a pure serenity that most may never truly see._

"I can see why this place has lasted for ages and still has people coming from afar."

Ranmaru bit and chewed on his charcoal-flavoured ice-cream puff, his heterochromatic eyes satisfied as he swallowed and grinned.

"This has gotta be the best ice-cream I've ever had, and it ain't even fancy."

"Neither do they restrict the amount of time for which we are allowed to linger," Camus mentioned, nodding with a slight smile as Reiji grinned and Ai took a sip of his own lavender milk tea. "The pastries are sublime and crafted to perfection. Natsuki, I hope that you do not mind accompanying me to the counter when I place another order. The discount will not be valid unless you are present with me."

"And how many do you plan on orderin'?" Ranmaru questioned, raising an eyebrow as Natsuki smiled gently.

"You shall see."

"Oh God..."

It was mid-afternoon in the 9th of June, Natsuki's birthday. The five QUARTET NIGHT members and Natsuki's parents were now at Natsuki's all-time favourite ice-cream parlour at Hokkaido. Having been in business even before Natsuki was born, the parlour had been impressively consistent amid its popularity and appeal towards people of all ages, renowned for its ice-cream puffs - its speciality - and cold drinks. While Natsuki had often visited the parlour ever since he was first introduced to the place as a child, it had been about four years ever since his last visit due to him leaving the city to attend Saotome Gakuen, the Master Course and eventually becoming a full-fledged member of QUARTET NIGHT, with his permanent residence as their shared apartment. However, all of the parlour's old employees instantly recognized and welcomed him once the seven of them entered, with many going so far as to wish him Happy Birthday and hugging him with warm smiles and laughter. And Ai had smiled sincerely when he saw how much warm happiness was glistening in Natsuki's green eyes, an innocent, childlike quality of the older blond that no one ever wished to see fade away.

Gazing around the parlour from his seat beside Natsuki and Ranmaru in their shared booth, Ai felt a gentle serenity settle even deeper within his beating heart as the mild flavour of his lavender milk tea lingered on his tongue. Strategically located closer to the greener areas of the city, near a myriad of parks and gardens, the parlour offered vast views of multi-coloured flowers growing and blooming amidst the grass, trees and bushes, such as pale pink sakura, white chamomile and blue clematis. The inside of the parlour was not quite as lavish with greenery as its exterior may have implied, but it served to be a simple yet beautifully-made contrast. Reddish-brown wood constituted the majority of the walls, with the flooring a classic beige. Vines of flowers were painted across the walls in a simple yet elaborate design, providing a minor sense of elegance that most would not quite expect from ice-cream parlours, resembling small traces of colour when seen from afar, and all of the staff were dressed in simple, semi-casual white shirts that seemed to fit with the setting. Breathing out a slow, contented sigh, Ai listened to the soft piano music that was trickling from the small speakers, each key resembling a ripple into the serene ocean that they could not quite see from where they were.

_An emotion that shows that even the ocean, a place rippling with endless sadness, can be so beautiful..._

Natsuki's parents were chatting animatedly with the owner of the parlour, an elderly man who had known Natsuki ever since he was still an infant. Ai smiled softly at the tender feelings of familiarity that this simple yet treasured place offered even to him who was here for the first time, the coolness of the glass somehow comforting towards the warmth in his heart.

_I feel it here now. Inside my heart, I am becoming familiar with it._

"Nattsun, wanna sample each other's puffs?"

Reiji broke a small chunk of his untouched matcha ice-cream puff and held it out to Natsuki with a bright smile.

"We don't know when we will be able to come here again and you can't possibly tell big bro Rei-Rei that you're fine with just tasting a couple of flavours after it's been years. And if you want more of mine, I'd be super happy to give ya an extra helping!"

"Thank you, Rei-Rei," Natsuki thanked Reiji, his expression turning gentler as he broke a piece of his own Earl Grey ice-cream puff. He looked around the table and smiled. "Guys, do you want to join us too?"

"I bit off mine, so maybe later."

"Perhaps after my second order."

"I will participate," Ai answered, nodding slightly as he carefully cracked a small portion of his taro ice-cream puff. Aware that Natsuki had a taro-flavoured puff of his own, Ai held his piece out to Reiji. "Here."

"Here you go, Nattsun!"

"Ai-chan, this one is for you."

As they passed their pieces to one another in a triangle, Ai could not help feel like it was truly an activity that young children would do, with there being certain groups who would be willing to take a bite directly from one another's puffs instead. It was not necessarily a bad feeling, if he were to be honest, but he was quite unaccustomed to feeling even close to being a child. He still believed that even Camus and Ranmaru understood that particular feeling better than he himself did. Ai felt heat reach his own cheeks when a mischievous Camus remarked that it was relieving that the three of them did not go for an indirect kiss, causing Ranmaru to smirk as Reiji exclaimed in protest and Natsuki's eyes widened. There were still countless of topics that Ai did not comprehend nearly as much as Camus, Ranmaru, Reiji and Natsuki evidently did, especially topics revolving around emotions. However, what he did know that he was fine with learning more about and feeling these unusual feelings such as childlike innocence and its strange vulnerability with them, that there was no one that he would rather experience these feelings with.

_It is a feeling of reminiscing, of remembering and appreciating the past that is being refracted amid a warm present time._

Ai smiled faintly as Natsuki pulled him into a warm bear hug, his strong arms reassuring and tight, and his own heart pulsed with undeniable happiness.

_It is nostalgia. Warm, innocent nostalgia that lingers a bit too close to sadness._

The reason that the five of them were even still here at Hokkaido was that as a birthday present to Natsuki, Shining had granted them slightly more than a week to stay at the former's childhood city: three additional days. Tokiya's assault from the deranged girls had made breaking news and due to him still recuperating from his severe injuries, the finale of the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project, the concert, had been postponed, giving all eleven Shining Stars more time to practise. Ai felt himself relax into the hug as he reached a hand up and gently carded his fingers through Natsuki's sunshine blond hair, shaking his head with a chuckle when Camus began adding more teaspoons of sugar into his chocolate milkshake. Another fact that made this memory this special was the fact that it centred selflessly and deeply around one particular action: _giving_. A pattern that Ai noticed about all three birthdays that they had as a quintet, namely Camus', his own and Natsuki's, were that neither of them depended at all on the extravagance of the places to be memorable and timeless. Neither was it splurging that made the days so beautiful that they lived to linger in their innermost hearts. It was how much they gave one another on those days, conveying from the deepest parts of their hearts their earnest feelings and how much they wished for one another to be as happy as possible. Conveying with sincere smiles how thankful they were to have one another and be with one another.

 _A birthday is a day to treasure the ones we love the most_ , Natsuki had said with a soft smile when Ai asked what he wanted for his birthday about a month ago, _no matter if it is my birthday or not. I want to treasure you guys so, so much on my birthday too. Just being with you guys and all of us being happy together are more than enough to make it the best birthday possible._

Natsuki may not have verbally said it, but all of them knew that he had chosen this ice-cream parlour with everyone in mind, believing that they could all enjoy themselves here. He was correct, and it was not only because of the place, but also because of the fact that he considered them, even though they would have been fine taking him anywhere. Reiji cheered when Mr and Mrs Shinomiya joined the five of them at the table with a new family board game, and out of the corner of his eye, Ai noticed a few children glancing at their table. _Being here at Hokkaido has not only drawn out more strength and courage from our hearts, but also brought us even more happiness._

The children's eyes were wide with curiosity and Ai could not help but feel emotions pooling within his heart like a puddle of colours at the memories flashing amid his head, at the thought that it was quite similar to how the doctor who had created him viewed Ai. 

_And emotions too. Inevitably and irrevocably emotions too._

"Rule 1: If Reiji and Natsuki are in the same team, we're reshuffling the teams."

"Agreed."

"Wha- What's wrong with me and sweet Nattsun bein' in the s-"

"We're all gonna lose if you two team up!"

"But-"

"No!"

"If Reiji rolls a 5 or 6 with this particular die," Camus stated, picking up a small pink die from the box, "we shall allow him to be in the same team with Natsuki."

"Myu-chan's givin' a chance instead of nothing! Is it because today is-" Reiji's eyes widened in horrified realization and he gaped at Camus. "Myu-chan! This die only has numbers 1-4 on it, you meanie!"

"I take it that you are withdrawing from the bet?"

"A rigged bet, you mean! No wonder Ai-Ai and Ran-Ran weren't stopping you!"

Everyone, including Mr and Mrs Shinomiya, laughed as Reiji shook a smirking Camus on the shoulders, the latter surprisingly letting the brunet do as he pleased. "And Ai-Ai, Ran-Ran, let our dear Nattsun switch seats! I can't have secret discussions with him if you guys are holding him _over there_!" Keeping one arm draped around an astonished Natsuki, Ranmaru grinned and remarked that they never agreed to let Natsuki and Reiji team up, with Ai nodding in agreement as he remained calmly seated with zero intention to move. "You three tryin' to cheat big bro Rei-Rei is more than enough reason, so come on, guys! Myu-chan, let me go to the other side!" Ai even noticed the children and other customers watching with nearly all of them laughing, and it made him chuckle as he squeezed Natsuki's shoulder gently. _I believe that this is precisely why even the memories made in the present time feel nostalgic, almost as though they are far away, as beautiful as they are._ Even though Natsuki did want to be in the same team as Reiji, he did not even once push Ranmaru or Ai away as he, instead, opted to hold them closer with a warm smile, causing everyone at the table to laugh. 

_Because I cannot help but let myself be this happy even though it is only a matter of two days until the five of us need to leave Hokkaido and return to our apartment. Beautiful moments in a place that we will eventually need to depart, evoking nostalgia that is as warm as it lingers close to sadness and hope._

The answer to the question "Is QUARTET NIGHT a peaceful group or a chaotic group" was undeniably unchanged now as Ai decided that perhaps Natsuki and Reiji being in the same team was worth allowing, and he decided to slip off the seat and let Natsuki pass, eliciting exclaims of protest from Ranmaru. "Oi, Ai! What happened to teamin' up with me and Ca- Camus, don't let Reiji go!" The irony, however, was that while the table was engulfed in colourful chaos and amplified voices, each heart that was beating in each chest was light with a genuine serenity that met harmoniously with feelings of contentment and happiness, much akin to how warm and vivid colours gently stirred and formed a silent yet gorgeous sunrise amid a single sky. _When we are in chaos, we are peaceful_ , was a paradox in itself, for it was much more applicable and truthful than it sounded upon first impression. Once the quintet left Hokkaido, it would be quite an extensive period of time until they could see Mr and Mrs Shinomiya again, moreover visit the city again. Ai was uncertain if Natsuki had thought of the day of departure or simply decided to think deeper about it later, but they all knew that he would be the one to miss being here at Hokkaido with his parents the most.

_But these feelings of nostalgia mean that we were and are all truly happy here. And as much as we will miss being here, let us not forget that us departing does not mean that we will be alone._

_The five of us together are eternal. That is a pure, simple fact._

Camus took Natsuki by the hand and carefully pulled him away from the shared hug with Reiji, who yelped, stating that it was about time he placed a second order with the valid discount. This earned a snarky remark from Ranmaru, which immediately triggered yet another round of bickering that made all of them laugh with a couple of resigned sighs. _We do not need to refrain from being as happy as we can be. We do not need to, regardless how close we are to leaving, because there is nothing to worry about._ Another thing that all five of them had taught one another over the course of time was that as terrified as they could be of pure happiness vanishing before their eyes, it was not at all a mistake to wish and reach for the happiness that they deserved, the happiness that they shared with one another. _Because no matter how many places we leave, we are not leaving one another. That is what matters the most._

Ai smiled softly as Ranmaru slung an arm around his shoulders with a relaxed grin, and they watched a blithe Reiji throw his arms around Camus and Natsuki as the three of them headed towards the counter. Out of the corner of his eye, Ai noticed the warm gazes in both Mr and Mrs Shinomiya's eyes, reflecting how much happiness they felt seeing their son this happy on his special day. Quietly promising and knowing that the five of them would always be there for one another, Ai made no attempt to suppress the innocent warmth radiating within his heart as he prepared the board game and Ranmaru skillfully shuffled the cards, feelings that he had grown to cherish flowing like the flower petals that he had a clearer understanding of.

All as they carried both their tranquility and chaos with them, as much as a paradox as it always would be.

Ranmaru Kurosaki

As much as he was not as dedicated to vocabulary and research as Ai was or as formal as Camus was, Ranmaru did have a couple of words or so that he came across more times than he would like to admit, words that would linger within the beating heart in his chest and when the time was right, struck him where and when it hurt the most. Words that resonated painfully in his soul once the flames of a passionate live or an emotional confrontation dissipated into smoke and ashes, amid the remnants of a district that had been burning in a relentless fire. Words that left him a grating reminder that he was so much weaker than the gruff and cold front that he put up suggested. Words that left him bleeding in a numbness that not even the flames could quite cover, regardless how blinding, regardless how powerful.

One of those words... was a word that all five of them definitely struggled with more than once:

_Vulnerability._

Whoever said that a slow song that spoke of hidden feelings was much easier to sing than a passionate, burning song was definitely lying. The claim that a burning song was much more powerful than a ballad was a lie as well. More often than not, by singing a ballad, the singer was conveying their innermost emotions, whether it was because of empathy or their own personal experiences, and that itself was laying bare feelings such as pain, sadness, guilt and grief. It took an incredibly immense amount of strength to be honest about the painful feelings lingering inside a heart that breathed both oxygen and life. And it took even more strength to bring one's own self to express those feelings to others, afraid of how it would be taken, afraid of what would happen next. Hiding their own vulnerabilities had broken each of the QUARTET NIGHT members' hearts one by one, crack by crack, and the five of them had bore witness to one another's shattering and falling, and not only once.

But that same vulnerability helped them all grow closer to one another and understand one another better. Vulnerability was one of the countless things that not only made them all who they were, but also made them _human_ , even as heartbreaking as it wound up being. With one another, the five of them learned that it was more than fine to let their guards down and hold out their hands and hearts to one another, to not pretend that they were happy when they were not, and just be themselves without any reason to hide or fake a smile. Because they were all safe and sound with one another, and no one was changing that of all things. _That is the beauty of painful vulnerability_ , Camus had once remarked quietly when the five of them were listening to soft melodies in the living room together, his expression sincere. _It is most heartfelt when willingly shown to the people closest to your heart._ And as much as Ranmaru disagreed with the ice count on almost everything, he could not at all deny that fact alone. Every single syllable of it.

What disturbed him as much as it haunted the rest of them, however, was how vulnerability could be cruel too.

While there were people who did not force them to lay their heart bare and defenceless... there were countless people who would try and force them to be at their most vulnerable, not because they cared, but because they wanted to exploit it and use it to hurt.

It was what enemies did and had done.

And Ranmaru would be lying if he said that QUARTET NIGHT's own enemies had not been that cruel. Including the enemies that they still had up to this point in time.

_Speaking of 'enemies'..._

Ranmaru did not bother to hide a suspicious frown as Tokiya approached the area where he, Natsuki and Camus were seated, with all eleven Shining Stars at the concert hall where they just had their first official practice session for the upcoming STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT concert. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Ai glancing and noticing this even while the youngest QUARTET NIGHT member was conversing with both Reiji and Otoya. Practice was already exhausting enough as it was and to be real honest, Ranmaru was not at all in the mood to deal with any rubbish that Tokiya had to offer. 

_Here comes one of 'em._

"Kurosaki-san. Camus-senpai. Shinomiya-san."

Tokiya addressed each of them as he stopped directly in front of them.

"Since our first practice session has ended, there is something that I would like to talk about if you have the time."

"That is highly dependent on what it is that you wish to discuss, Ichinose," Camus stated matter-of-factly, his ice-blue eyes narrowed as Natsuki's expression turned concerned. Glancing at Natsuki, Ranmaru was inwardly proud of the fact that as concerning as this conversation was, Natsuki was not at all afraid of Tokiya. "If you wish to have an audience with myself, Natsuki and Ranmaru, does this conversation have any relation to Ai and Reiji as well?" His tone was calm but devoid of anything above polite out of necessity. His eyes shifted over to his right before speaking again. "Well, now is the perfect time to answer."

"Is everything okay?" Reiji asked, wrapping an arm around Natsuki. He raised his head to face Tokiya, his grey eyes inquiring. "Is something the matter, Tokki?"

Reiji was easily one of the kindest members of QUARTET NIGHT, but as light as his words sounded, they were a subtle and clear warning to his assigned mentee, a reminder that Reiji had definitely not forgotten everything that Tokiya had done against all of them, especially Natsuki. The light blue shirt that Tokiya wore was not enough to hide the white gauze wrapped around his arm as the atmosphere between him and the quintet tensed, emotions thickening like smouldering ashes as from his position on the stage, Otoya's eyes widened in panic. However, the shift in atmosphere did not hinder the perfectionist as Tokiya rubbed his temple and spoke.

"Since all five of you are here," Tokiya let out a quiet breath as Ai stood next to Reiji, looking around at the quintet, "it means that I will not have to repeat myself after all. I originally planned to speak to the five of you prior to the session, but now will have to do."

He paused, almost as though he was recollecting himself, and spoke with calm blue eyes.

"Thank you." His voice was surprisingly quiet. "For the bouquet you gave me when the five of you were at Hokkaido and I was assaulted. It did not feel right texting you my thanks, so I am saying it now. It was a beautiful bouquet and I appreciate the gesture."

Even though Ranmaru was able to maintain his usual, gruff face, he could not deny the surprise that flashed across his heart. _Tokiya Ichinose_ was thanking _them_? Tokiya, who had deliberately put Natsuki in an excruciating spot too many times, including trying to pressure the innocent blond to give up the right to play the violin, and blatantly tried to sabotage all of them, was standing right here, facing all five of them on his own even without a certain pipsqueak, and thanking them for the flower bouquet that they had given him more than a week ago? Honestly, Ranmaru had more or less thought that Tokiya would not thank them for the bouquet - not that it was surprising - so this blew his mind beyond disbelief. Furrowing his eyebrows, Ranmaru opened his mouth to speak, only for Tokiya to continue first.

"You didn't have to. You know that as much as I do. You didn't have to even wish me well and I would have accepted it if you hadn't. But from an entirely different city, you did anyway." His lips formed a wry smile. "And you even took the time to choose my favourite flowers."

"That was all Natsuki, if you are wondering," Ai stated, glancing at a surprised Natsuki, his teal eyes serious. "He wanted to give you a bouquet with flowers that you especially liked, and he has a vivid memory of what the people he cares about like and dislike." Ai faced Tokiya with a placid expression. "Even those who severely hurt him."

"The question, however, Ichinose, is why you are initiating this conversation with us in such an abrupt manner at this peculiar time," Camus stated, crossing his arms, his ice-blue eyes boring into Tokiya's. "I am certain that none of us need to explain why this would concern us, given our rather intricate history."

"Given everything that has happened, I know that words will not be nearly enough to earn your trust, and I understand that, but..."

Tokiya faced all of them, his blue eyes serious with resolve, and bowed.

"Please allow both Syo and I to begin by showing you throughout the days leading up to the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT concert how serious we are. We do not plan on hindering any of you including Shinomiya-san, even if the past fails to support this statement. I am sure that speaking of it now will not be the last time we have this conversation, but Syo and I, just like the rest of STARISH, will do everything we can to make the project a success. I know that neither of us deserve it, but... I mean it. This time, at least, I really do. Syo isn't here as he is still trying to gather the courage to speak with all of you, but even though neither he nor I deserves it, I hope that you give us the opportunity to make amends. Please."

On Natsuki's birthday, just less than a week ago, Syo had texted Natsuki and wished him Happy Birthday despite the two of them not at all in speaking terms. Tokiya had done the same, and both birthday wishes had genuinely surprised everyone in the quintet, with Natsuki's eyes widened in pure astonishment. That alone had been more than enough to raise suspicion from the five of them, although Natsuki, despite knowing that the wishes may have been insincere, had allowed himself to smile a bit, being the kind person he had always been. At the sound of Tokiya's words, Ranmaru responded bluntly, stating that there were two things that Tokiya and Syo had _better_ not try now that those words had been said: 1) Pull any punches regarding the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project, and 2) Try and hurt any single member of QUARTET NIGHT ever again. Reiji, Natsuki, Ai and Camus all agreed with Ranmaru, and Tokiya gave them a brief nod of thanks before leaving with Otoya and Ren, who had been watching from afar. 

That was the thing about having enemies.

When they decided to show up out of the blue and deliver speeches like the one they just heard, it was real difficult to believe it without feeling like one was being too trusting. No matter how many enemies Ranmaru had in his life, it would always be the same. Because he did not want to wind up hurt or see his closest friends end up hurt because they gave their trust away to someone whom they were not sure deserved it just yet.

And right now, "unsure" was definitely one word that could describe what they were feeling.

"The assault that Icchi suffered when you guys were at Hokkaido made him reflect on what he has been doing to you guys, especially to Shinomi."

Ren, who paid the quintet a surprise visit at the apartment, explained as Natsuki poured him a cup of English Breakfast tea.

"He and Shorty meant it when they wished Shinomi a Happy Birthday that day. They said that they initially weren't going to, but they realized that they would have really regretted it if they hadn't. I think they also felt guilty for not wishing Baron and Aimi a while back too, now that they've begun thinking deeper. Believe me when I say that I fought with both Shorty and Icchi because of that last meeting at the mansion. You know, when I gave you a heads-up about what they were planning?" Ren winked with a cheeky smile. "But on a serious note, I wouldn't be telling you this if I didn't think they meant what they said to you and STARISH, but... I think it's worth it to give them a chance. At least, until the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project ends."

Ren looked around at Ranmaru, Ai, Natsuki, Reiji and Camus, his features softened with a small smile that they did not see often on him.

"It's a lot to ask, I know, but maybe, at least this once, how about we let yesterday's enemies be today's friends? For now, that is."

The truth was, regardless if the five of them had the conversations with Ren and Tokiya, one thing was the same: the obligation to be professionals at work despite any conflicts within their personal lives. That was why the five of them did not start any conversation about what had happened between the two bands even before the first practice session began, not even insinuating even the smallest of details. And it was exactly how the remaining practice sessions with STARISH would progress: the five of them remaining professional while they sat back and watched whether or not Tokiya and Syo were really being earnest this time. At the very least, Ren and Tokiya both knew that trust was not at all easily earned and did not expect it right away. The same went for forgiveness, even though deep down, Ranmaru knew that some particular people in this quintet could have easily been less forgiving if they really wanted to.

"Looks like STARISH has grown up at least a bit more."

Ranmaru remarked after Ren had left the apartment about an hour later, leaning against the backrest of the midnight-blue sofa as he adjusted the bass guitar on his lap.

"Can't really complain, even if a whole chunk of that growth is because they were up against the whole lot of us."

"Having a nemesis, as vexatious as it is by nature, does coerce one to develop themselves," Camus acknowledged, lowering his teacup onto its saucer. "Because you are aware of how difficult and resistant your opposition is, fuelled by the desire to ultimately triumph over them, you know that if you are not strong enough, a change has to be made or your defeat is inevitable. As much as every single method that each of the six STARISH members utilized against the five of us was either artless, callous or, quite frankly, absurd to the point of foolishness, throughout their conflicts with us, they did learn at least a few morals, even if it was truly belated."

"And at the same time, the five of us grew together too, right?" Natsuki asked, giving them a soft smile as he wrapped his arm around Camus. "It hurt so much and there was so much sadness, pain and anguish, but... we did everything that we could to stay strong with and for one another, no matter how cruel things were. And so we grew stronger and stronger as we moved forward, and by doing so..." his green eyes were brighter with tender warmth, "we got to be happier and happier, even if one step at a time."

"To think that we're at a point where we can talk about all this peacefully... even smiling..."

Reiji chuckled warmly as he placed a hand on Ai's shoulder, with the teal-haired boy smiling faintly himself. His voice a near murmur, Reiji gazed at all of them softly, earnestly.

"Guess this is another part of what it means to be happy. Heartbreakingly yet beautifully happy."

Ranmaru could not help the slight grin slanting across his lips as he draped an arm across Camus' shoulders and agreed. Throughout their time together, Ranmaru, Camus, Reiji, Ai and Natsuki all had their own enemies that had threatened to break them apart. Bullies who hated seeing them reach high and wanted to drag them down into an abyss. Psychopaths who wanted nothing more but to shatter their souls beyond repair, with one of them nearly taking the life of one member of the quintet. Even fellow Shining Stars who had refused to allow the five of them to be close to one another, who did not want them to be a family. Ghosts from their respective pasts that they could neither undo nor redo. But every single struggle, fight and confrontation made the five of them stronger than they had been before and shaped them into who they were now. Regardless how many moments of torture and weakness they had endured, the five of them were all here together, even if "together" was a word that a few of them used to scoff at, and it was something that would always give them the fire that they needed to keep walking straight ahead, even in the dark.

_'Heartbreakingly yet beautifully happy'..._

In his mind, he knew that there lived countless moments that fit that description entirely and wholeheartedly. Those moments were what made all the 'What if's and 'If only's not matter. Because if every excruciating and bleeding moment was what led the five of them to one another, what allowed them to be this happy together, then none of them wanted to change even a single thing. They did not fight for today and tomorrow and every other day after just so that the past would be diminished and altered. Camus protested when Ranmaru reached up and messed his platinum-blond hair with a cheeky smirk, his ice-blue eyes glaring at him. But everyone knew that the expression that Camus was making was a flustered one rather than an angry one as the count grinned and began tickling Ranmaru in retaliation. It was something that definitely seemed uncharacteristic of Camus on the usual basis, but this side of him was one of the many things only the quintet got to see. Which Ranmaru was suffering from as he burst out laughing and tried to push Camus away, only for the sly blond to call on Natsuki, Reiji and Ai for help.

_You are my home._

Ranmaru breathed out that four against one was unfair as he laughed, with a chuckling Natsuki holding his arms near effortlessly and Reiji and Ai helping Camus tickle him further. However, an amused Ai immediately pointed out the irony, stating that Ranmaru was completely fine when it was four against one with Natsuki being the one tickled, and it made Ranmaru throw his head back and groan as Reiji laughed and Camus smirked. Deep inside his heart, however, a bright fire was emitting a warm glow, and it almost felt like his heart was the rising sun itself.

_As impossible as the word 'happy' used to feel... I really am happy with you guys. All of you._

Camus

One of Camus' favourite pastimes was undoubtedly reading. From history books to biographies to classic novels, Camus had more than ample reading material to keep him entertained. Among the five boys in his group, he indisputably had the largest bookshelves filled with the most abundant of books in his bedroom, with a sizable portion of his room doubling as a private reading corner. While he often read in private with no one but his pet dog Alexander, Camus was not unwelcome to the idea of inviting his closest friends who were interested in sharing an hour or so of silence whilst immersed in their respective reading materials. Closest friends, in this particular scenario, were mainly Ai and Natsuki, for everyone knew that Reiji and Ranmaru were not exactly the most still or invested in literature. And by 'literature', Camus most certainly did _not_ mean rock magazines or old-fashioned car advertisements. Nevertheless, there were certain instances in which the two extroverts did come over, even if Ranmaru ended up napping and Reiji talked too much for the air to be truly silent.

Camus was quite flexible in regards to what he read, meaning that he had a wide variety of genres at his disposal. Some particular genres, however, were much more morbid than others, depending on how the author wrote out their plot. The particular novel that he was currently reading, a novel about a broken family, was one perfect example. Sitting on a comfortable blue armchair, Camus was currently in his reading corner with Natsuki and Reiji. The quintet, with the exception of Ai who had one last solo interview for the day, had returned to the apartment. While Ranmaru had gone to his own bedroom to take a nap, with that definitely being one of the rocker's primary hobbies, Reiji, Natsuki and Camus were having peppermint tea and reading in comfortable silence in the latter's bedroom. Sitting beside each other on the sofa, Reiji and Natsuki were reading the same picture book of "Swan Lake" together, each of them holding the book with one hand. Natsuki had one arm wrapped gently around the older brunet while Reiji leaned his head onto the taller and younger blond's shoulder, the two of them occasionally exchanging serene smiles as they turned the pages. Adjusting his reading glasses, Camus could feel his heart squeeze in his chest at the silent yet stark contrast between the two males and the progression of the novel that he was reading: the difference between a loving family and a cruel one. 

What pierced through Camus' heart the deepest, however... was how the broken pasts of the characters in the book reminded him of both Reiji and Natsuki, as well as Ai and Ranmaru, in more excruciating ways than one.

_Isolation. Depression. Fear. Loathe. Anger. Vulnerability. Grief. Suicide. Blame. Hypocrisy. Suffering. There is a seemingly limitless arsenal of words that are derived from the suffering of human beings. Often enough, even the most versatile of vocabularies are not even close to being sufficient to describe the torture that the human heart is subjected to, for a heart is not so simple that it can merely be comprehended by the measurement of his beats or the art of psychology. Even the kindest of innocent souls and the cruellest of heartless narcissists can have similarities with respect to emotions, as twisted as it sounds and is._

_Therefore, what a miracle it is... that we are who we are at this very moment._

Deciding that he was not currently interested in reading about brokenness and cruelty, let alone about family members tearing one another apart, Camus closed the novel and pulled himself up from his seat, his soundless footsteps drawing in on the duo seated at the sofa.

_What a miracle it is... that I am not quite as cold or cruel as I thought myself to be._

"Myu-chan, is there something w- M-Myu-chan?"

Camus did not hesitate for even a second as he placed the picture book aside and pulled both Natsuki and Reiji into a tight embrace, allowing his own eyes to fall into a gentle close.

"Myu-chan?" Reiji tried again, clearly taken aback. "Did something happen?"

"No, not quite."

Camus answered quietly, shaking his head.

"However, if the two of you would allow it, could you indulge in this wish of mine... and simply let me hold you? This is rather uncharacteristic of me, I am very much aware, but... I simply did not feel like holding back today."

He was tired, yes, but it was not the tiredness from the hours of idol work and QUARTET NIGHT's private practice sessions for their segments of the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT concerts. Concerts in the word's plural form as Shining had abruptly announced additional concerts instead of simply holding one conclusive concert, with the last of the multiple concerts being the most extravagant of them all. The private practice sessions entailed being a dance instructor himself as he and Ai, who were the strongest in terms of dancing in the quintet, oversaw Reiji and Natsuki's choreography practice for the latter two's duet with the rearrangement of "Shadow of Stars". However, it was not the physical fatigue that made him wish to hold them this much. It was the tiredness of the thought of preventing his innermost feelings from being shown from behind the seemingly impenetrable calm that he was able to maintain near perfectly. It was the tiredness originating from the thought of putting up an act in front of any of his closest friends who had become his family, of holding back even by a smidgen when there was no one else but them. Reading about a broken family who lied, pretended and hurt one another had been much more emotionally draining than usual, and so right now, 

_We are broken on the inside and yet are not a broken family_ , Camus thought to himself as he tightened his arms around Reiji and Natsuki. _It is a heart-wrenching thought, and yet it is simultaneously warming and relieving, somehow._

"Aww, Myu-chan... you didn't have to ask."

A soft smile in his gentle voice, Natsuki wrapped a strong arm around Camus, his words as kind and warm as the person himself.

"We love you so much, and we plan on holding you for as long as you want. Right, Rei-Rei?"

"Nattsun's right," Reiji agreed, his chuckle warm as he patted Camus on the back. "We got ya, you know. So do Ran-Ran and Ai-Ai. Once they join us, you can bet we're pulling them into a five-way group hug. We know that you still have trouble initiating physical affection at times, but you've gotten so much better, and you don't ever have to feel like you're burdening anyone, including yourself, if you have problems asking. You never do."

"You deserve every bit of love and affection we can give."

As the two most physically affectionate members of the quintet stood up to get into a more comfortable position, Natsuki held Camus even tighter, burying his face into the latter's right shoulder.

"You have always, always told the rest of us that and meant it, even if you did not say those exact words, and we mean it too when we say it back to you. And you know, Myu-chan... you feel super, super warm and really nice to hold." His chuckle was soft and nearly shy. "I think that I may end up being the one to ask if we can stay like this longer."

Camus chuckled at the last sentence. "I would not be surprised if you did. Not that I mind."

"I mean," Reiji laughed, his voice warm with affection, "weren't you the one who wrote in your diary that hugging Myu-chan reminds you of hugging a large and soft plushie?"

"To be fair, that description would have been inaccurate to use for Reiji. Given his lack of height for him to be described as 'large'."

"Hey! My height is perfectly normal! It's just that you guys are-"

"That is what every person lacking the proper height says."

"Myu-chan!"

Camus allowed himself to laugh deeply as a kind Natsuki reassured Reiji. Even after they pulled away from the hug moments later, Reiji, Camus and Natsuki ended up sitting beside one another on the sofa, reading "Swan Lake" from where Reiji and Natsuki had initially stopped, at the pages displaying a beautiful night bathed in moonlight. _In quite a number of tales and moments, the deep blue of the vivid moonlight denotes unmasked sorrow and anguish that come undone and unveiled once the night has unfolded and darkness has fallen. The moon a cruel chandelier, the stars the eyes of a sky that did nothing to take the pain away as they merely observed until morning came. Such a tragic example is the tale of 'Swan Lake', a love story that was destined to break hearts from the moment it began._ Glancing up from the book, Camus noticed Natsuki soundlessly staring at the pages with a small, bittersweet smile reflected in his kind green eyes and Reiji smiling sadly, the two boys clearly empathizing with the book's main protagonists. _A moonlit sky that revealed heartbreak and sorrow that too many either turned away from or failed to notice._ Emotions silently tugging at his heart, Camus let out a quiet breath and flipped the page, his hands carefully holding the book.

_Nevertheless..._

Images of a different night, a night that did not merely exist in fiction but lingered like a candlelight in his heart, glowed in the depths of his mind and heart, as vivid as the blue moonlight was at those sleepless hours. A night that neither hid scars nor was romanticized by lies and illusions. 

_A night bathed in blue is not necessarily a night defined by only sorrow._

That night, the moon was a chandelier and the watchful stars shone as they normally did, but it was not a night of tragedy. Neither was it a night of sorrow or broken shards of a heart that felt too much anguish. As Camus turned to the last page of the book, with Reiji and Natsuki both leaning closer to him, he could faintly hear a familiar, slow cadence reverberate inside his mind like a wish being whispered from a distance. _It was a blue night. Clad in moonlight, the night was truly blue._ The picture of the wings of a graceful yet wounded swan spread in the middle of a lake's surface, a pristine white appearing to glow a silent sapphire as though the wings themselves were what were radiating the light, allowed the memories to resound even clearer in his heart, much akin to a palpable ripple against water, intertwining the story's fiction and memories' reality together like a string of fate. 

_Blue and beautiful, awoken by true strength and emotions even while the rest of the world remained sound asleep, it was the very definition of a night of miracles._

Closing the picture book, Camus relinquished a quiet sigh and gave both Natsuki and Reiji a sincere smile, tender yet powerful emotions falling upon his heartstrings like white feathers upon the black and white keys of a piano. Reiji smiled softly while Natsuki's emerald eyes were glistening with warm emotion, and Camus was deeply reminded of how meaningful reciprocated affection and feelings could sincerely be. _Without an ounce of pretence, without a single lie or layer of illusion, without an ornamented mask, the unveiling of true feelings can be inevitably and unequivocally beautiful._ Shaking his head with a quiet sigh, knowing that he had long surrendered to acknowledging the fact that they had indeed moved his heart, Camus chuckled as Natsuki gave him a gentle squeeze on the hand, the small gesture allowing warmth to seep through his soul.

_It was that pure conveyance that defined and illumined the night. That single night in which even the blue moonlight intensified like a melody being brought back to life._

Natsuki Shinomiya

The first of the many concerts that would end the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project took place at the end of July. 

All of QUARTET NIGHT's schedules were extremely flooded with idol work, including promotion videos, extensive training and practice sessions, photo shoots, interviews and video shootings, and they knew for sure that STARISH was no different. The tickets for every single concert, even the concerts taking place after the first, all sold out within minutes, even the tickets with VIP seats. While all of the concerts had many songs in common, especially the songs that were brought to life during the project, other songs did vary, whether it was solos, sub-units or group songs, and so everyone had to prepare just about every single song in their discography. Coupled with the songs and dance moves, they also needed to practise their respective instruments, so after their combined practices with STARISH, the five of them would go to the concert hall that had been booked as a practice area for QUARTET NIGHT and train privately there. There were even times when at the apartment, if they still had the strength, they would play their instruments for one another and the ones listening would gauge how much improvement was made and what could be done to be better.

Their hearts, their souls, their minds... together, the five of them poured every drop into each melody sang, each move made, each note played. All while encouraging and pulling one another up with eyes bright with strength and hope, hearts warm with emotions that would never die, souls glowing with a pure spirit that would never wax or wane.

_When overflowing with such precious moments, time itself is so beautiful._

Gazing out at the immense stage illumined by a million lights, Natsuki could feel his expression soften into a small, gentle smile as his heart was drawn to the melodious cadence shrouding the performance that he, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus, along with countless people in the audience, were watching, one of the songs that truly shed light upon how far all of them had come ever since the beginning of the project.

_Every fragment of moments and emotions has come together and is coming together like the pieces of a heart's mirror, reflecting everything that we have given to brighten the tonight that we have reached together. A night where even time is glowing for us._

"STARISH really decided to go all out this time around, huh?"

A strong arm draped itself around Natsuki's shoulders tightly. His heart thumping in surprise, Natsuki turned to face Ranmaru, who gave him a knowing grin.

"I can tell from the way you're watching them how happy you are for 'em, seeing them coming together the way they are despite of everything."

"Even after I was no longer their band member, my wish for them remained exactly the same," Natsuki whispered, smiling softly as he watched from backstage how Otoya wrapped his arms around Ren and Tokiya and how Masato was pulled closer by both Syo and Cecil. "I wished for them to be happy with one another, to be there for one another. That time I was left behind, the six of them weren't connected as one, with some of their hearts yet to be truly moved, but now..." His heart grew warmer with his smile. "They've become a family of their own now. I can tell."

"A performance filled with sentiments and memories," Camus remarked, folding his arms with a solemn expression as Ai nodded with a small smile, "accompanied by a newly-perfected ballad that only they can sing this well." His ice-blue eyes reflected a gentler expression that was almost never seen when in front of STARISH. "Given the amount of time and effort that everyone gave for this concert, I would not have expected anything less than above par. However, the six of them exceeded my expectations with this particular performance." He let out a quiet chuckle. "I would go as far as to say that this is the most impressed that I have been with them."

"Same here."

"Yep."

"I agree."

"Gotta agree wholeheartedly with both Nattsun and Myu-chan here," Reiji remarked, his gaze warm with emotion as he tightened his arm around Ai. "This was the perfect performance for STARISH to give towards the end of this concert." 

Letting out a soft sigh, he smiled a bit more. 

"A performance that will be remembered even beyond this stage. That's the best that they could have hoped for and it's exactly what they gave."

The success of the first concert had progressed to the glowing of the next, and now the eleven Shining Stars had finally reached the final concert of the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project, the largest and grandest concert amongst all of them. It was a starry summer night in mid-August, with thousands and thousands of people gathered in the concert hall for the project's finale. Neither STARISH nor QUARTET NIGHT had revealed their respective final group performances to the other, even during their joint practices, meaning that QUARTET NIGHT was witnessing this live performance for the first time. Multifarious photographs of the six STARISH members with one another glowed around and above the performing band like a city of bright lights as they sang beside one another, their voices harmonizing as a beautiful chorus of melodies as a vivid white poured upon them in luminous puddles. Otoya, Ren, Cecil, Masato, Tokiya and Syo began with "Mirai Chizu", followed by "Yumeoibito e no Symphony", and were now leaving the audience entranced with their newest, gorgeous ballad, "Thank You". Even from his place backstage, Natsuki could see the tears falling and glistening in his former band members' eyes, even Ren, Masato and Tokiya, and his heart squeezed with pure happiness for all six of them, knowing that his wish for them had earnestly come true.

" _'Thank you... Thank you for you!'_

_Although we say it all the time... Thank you!_

_'A sliver of the galaxy,' with you,_

_The brightness when we met,_ "

Natsuki felt the hand intertwined with his own squeezing softly, warmly. His heart beating with emotion, Natsuki turned and faced Ai, who was offering him a tender smile that glimmered in his innocent teal eyes. Smiling earnestly, Natsuki squeezed Ai's hand back as the last line of STARISH's ballad resonated throughout the concert hall and within countless open hearts, including his own.

" _'Is changing into this song...'_ "

The moment the song faded into silence, Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru all began clapping as the sea of audience burst into tremendous applause, voluminous cheers, shouts and claps exploding and engulfing the entire concert hall. Calling out each of the STARISH members' names as he and Reiji cheered, Natsuki smiled brightly as the six of them bowed together to the audience, the ocean of light sticks radiating white, bright red, orange, pink, lime green, sapphire and indigo like multi-coloured stars that lived on the earth rather than the sky. As soon as the six STARISH boys raised their heads up, a crying Cecil was pulled into a tight hug by Ren, whose normally-teasing exterior held a warm, tearful smile, and the two of them were immediately joined by Otoya, Masato, Tokiya and Syo who pumped his fist up high before ruffling Cecil's dark brown hair. Seeing all six of them this happy with one another tugged deeply at Natsuki's heartstrings like a flower petal being pulled along by a powerful zephyr, moved by their shared closeness and journey.

As the lights began to dim overhead, however, he remembered that the concert was not over just yet. Now that STARISH had ended their final group performance of the night, as well as the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project...

His heart thumped loudly as emotions overtook his soul like flickering candle flames.

_It is our turn. QUARTET NIGHT's turn._

"STARISH is really brilliant, going all out and emotional the way they did. But..."

Reiji winked at Natsuki, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru, his lips spreading into a bright smile.

"There's no way we're allowing them to upstage or overshadow us! This next performance is ours and the five of us have spent both night and day preparing for this from the start 'til the very end!" His grey eyes were bright with emotion. "My heart's seriously pounding in my chest at the thought of what we're about to reveal. We're so, so close, guys!"

"No one, regardless who they are, know what's about to happen."

Holding up a fist, Ranmaru grinned, his heterochromatic eyes ignited with fiery determination.

"This may be the closing concert, but QUARTET NIGHT is just getting started. And we're gonna raise the stakes even higher once the first note is revved up to life."

"My heart is beating at a rate that is faster than normal, sometimes even wavering in its melody, filled with strong emotions that are threatening to overflow."

His hand rested on the left side of his chest, Ai smiled softly, his teal eyes illumined.

"The miracles that the five of us share... we are conveying every single one of it with this very performance. A performance that is vibrant not because of technique or skill, but because of how much we love one another and mean to one another."

"Indeed." Camus nodded briefly, his arms folded as the towering red curtains began to close. "This performance also serves to define precisely who we are: five dissimilar and unorthodox individuals, whom, together, comprise a quintet that is as disorderly and unprecedented as it, while initially assumed to be impossible, is incandescent with emotions and colours, originating from the connection that they share not only as allies and friends, but also, and most importantly, a family."

Camus sighed, smiling in earnest.

"We are QUARTET NIGHT, and it goes beyond being an idol group."

"We can be brave because we have one another. We can have courage and faith because we are with one another. Our hands outstretched, our hearts beating with and for one another, all of us wishing for the exact same thing and granting that same wish together."

Warmth welling up at the back of his eyes, Natsuki held his hand out to the four of them, smiling gently as emotions surrounded his palpitating heart.

"So let's all go together." He did his best to keep his quiet voice even as emotions reached his words and a thick lump grew in his throat. "The five of us."

Reiji, Ranmaru, Ai and Camus smiled warmly in return, their eyes reflecting the exact same emotions and strength welling up in his heart, as they each placed one hand over Natsuki's as well as one another's, five hands piling over one another in the middle of an uneven circle like precious memories falling into place one dear fragment at a time. A pure, honest declaration soundlessly spoken amid the promise that the five of them never failed to keep for as long as they were a quintet, they pulled one another into a tight, heartfelt hug that they only pulled away from once the staff member called for them to get into position. 

Reaching for his viola and bow, Natsuki gazed down at the instrument, countless drops of emotions dribbling down and seeping into his heart like the warm, inimitable colours that had been brought to life by the people he loved and cared about the most. His fingers wrapping themselves around the instrument that had accompanied him throughout a journey of countless emotions and memories, he breathed out a soft, quivering exhale, telling himself that everything was okay. That with every ounce of strength and spirit that he had, he was going to be strong for everyone. For Reiji, Ai, Camus, Ranmaru, Satsuki, Eli, Yuuto, Mum, Dad, everyone who loved him and looked out for him all this time. A pair of hands held his and squeezed, the left softer, the right tighter, both of them warm and encouraging, pulling him from his brief trance. Blinking, he slowly raised his head and found both Reiji and Ai smiling sincerely at him. Beside them, Ranmaru and Camus were smiling as well, their eyes determined and earnest. Smiling gently, Natsuki nodded with pure resolution, with the courage that they had given him, and used his free hand to squeeze Ai and Reiji's back, before softly letting go and carefully approaching the stage.

His heart beating with the emotions and memories that would never disappear, he was going to begin the last QUARTET NIGHT group performance of the project. And with every piece of his heart, soul and spirit... he wished to give all of them, everyone he loved the most, the very best that he could give... and convey that it was because of them... he could and would. More than it was his, tonight... was theirs.

Reiji Kotobuki

It began in silent darkness.

Cold, numbing darkness that fell and dissolved each of them. That hid their scars and wounds behind lies of omission and curtains of illusion. A masterpiece, because such a portrait could only be painted by a broken heart, and each broken heart could not create the same portrait. A hidden gem, because too many people neither regarded it nor cared enough to notice or reach into the black. Afraid of not being good enough to be loved, afraid of hurting others just because of who they were, afraid of watching the people he loved and cared about disappearing behind his own shadows, leaving behind his heart alone and broken, unfixable, irreversibly stained with mistakes and shattered emotions. He knew those feelings too well. Each and every single one of them knew it too well, regardless if they hid it behind an icy exterior, a blank poker face, an angry expression, a clown-like appearance, or a gentle smile. 

Darkness was where they began their pathways towards one another.

Which was why it was exactly how they were about to begin.

_The heart of our group, the same heart that was bright and broken under the glow of colourful buildings and blinding streetlamps of an apathetic metropolis on a night that fell into place close to one year ago. A broken heart that even a bright and earnest smile could no longer hide... Even if we tried to deny it or hide it, that bright and broken heart was a part of all of us, in one broken way or another, from the very beginning._

Reiji quietly observed as Natsuki stood alone in the darkness, the latter's hands holding nothing but a viola and bow, the atmosphere thick with suspenseful silence. He could not see Natsuki quite clearly, but unlike the watchful audience, he, Ranmaru, Ai and Camus knew that the compassionate blond was right there, waiting for the right moment. And unlike the audience, the four of them could still feel the silent suspense even as everyone burst into a round of voluminous applause and the red curtains slowly parted from each other. Based on what the five of them had practised, Natsuki was to stand still until the audience stopped applauding, in order to keep them in the dark a while longer. In darkness, neither his shadow nor his silhouette could be seen. As poetic as it sounded, it was admittedly quite dark to think about. Knowing their closest friend more than well enough, Reiji knew that as he waited for the right moment, Natsuki's heart was beating much faster than usual. Stumbling and wavering like an innocent child wandering in the dark on his own. A myriad of emotions sweeping through him like tidal waves as he slowly inhaled and exhaled while trying to be as quiet as possible, soundlessly hoping that everything would be fine, softly reassuring himself that it would all be okay because he was not alone. And he... he was right. Completely and pure-heartedly right.

_It'll be okay._

Smiling softly, Reiji adjusted the collar of his own shirt with one hand and allowed the fingers of his other hand to intertwine themselves around Ai's as he, just like the rest of them, wholeheartedly trusted everything to Natsuki, who had always put them first and loved them no matter what, knowing that there was no better way to start the depiction of their journey than to begin with the same person who touched their hearts from the very beginning.

His heart was quivering with emotion, too.

_We'll all be okay, Nattsun. Always._

The applause and cheers dissipated like white vapour into a soundless sky. As soon as the silence overtook the hall, the clock began to tick. One... two... three... four... five. The smooth, gentle cadence of the kind viola emerged from the darkness, resembling an innocent voice from a child who never spoke a single word. As soft gasps were heard from the audience, white stage lights began to glow to life from the ceiling and silently fell upon the only person onstage, the lone violist who was taking slow, careful steps forward, towards the very middle of the bronze wooden platform. _The hands of the clock tower have begun to move._ His green eyes behind his glasses lowered and focused upon the viola and bow, Natsuki played the melodious tune of a ballad medley that the five of them had put together, featuring slow versions of a solo song representing each member of their quintet. _"Dekiai Temptation", "Zettai Reido Emotion", "Winter Blossom", "Bright Road", and "Southern Cross Waltz"... our very first solo songs. Not in any specific order other than how the parts that we chose fit together. A seamless transition from one song to the next, just like how our favourite river flows without any interruption._ His fingers moving in time with the gentle melody, Natsuki played the viola without even the smallest mistake, his composure relaxed as his body moved with the music, and Reiji felt his heart well up with pure pride and brightness. _He's playing our songs beautifully. Even better than our last practice, and even that was already so amazing._

Camus hummed in silent satisfaction as Ai and Ranmaru had small smiles on their faces. _The songs were arranged in a way that they had the exact same themes in common: painful emotions hidden in a heart within darkness. Sadness, loneliness, sorrow, pain, grief... all that we initially chose to shoulder alone. I remember how many times the five of us tried arranging them over and over again until we found the perfect combination for us. A combination that conveyed all of our hearts and the feelings that we had felt. The white stage light falling upon him represents the innocent, radiant glow that we first saw in the cold darkness. The start of our story, the moving of the hands of a seemingly-dormant clock._

_You moved us and taught us how to move one another._

_But..._

A sudden twist in the melody pierced through the air like a jagged knife glinting in the dark, a sharp note slicing through an atmosphere that had been serene and melancholic. Flinching, Natsuki stumbled back once, his hands still playing the viola, his eyes barely open.

_Deep down... you also wished for your heart to be moved, even if you did not realize it yet. Even as you smiled softly and held your hand out to us..._

Bright and broken memories of the night Reiji first took Natsuki in, how the sweet, selfless blond broke down and cried in his arms, rained down his head like a downpour of the shards of a broken mirror as Natsuki moved his bow across the strings in time with a dark, depressing melody that began the next medley that the five of them had made.

_You were alone._

The four violin pieces.

_"Even though Nacchan did not know you boys back when he was still a violin prodigy, we believe that those four final violin pieces he wrote on that shattered day... they were meant for the four of you."_

Mrs Shinomiya's words were warm and earnest, a heartfelt recollection in Reiji's heart.

_"One for each of you. The more I think of those pieces and how each of you are, the more I notice how much those pieces relate to you and your journeys so dearly much. As cruel as fate may be, I believe that here, it's beautiful how fate works in such a way."_

"Eclipsed Crescendo". "Bleeding Strings". "Shadow of Stars". "Heroine's Prelude."

Each of the four pieces was intertwined to the other three and yet were incredibly dissimilar, telling different chapters of a story that a vulnerable violin-playing child had had no choice but to suffer through. He quit playing the violin once those four pieces had been debuted at the last violin recital, but the pain, sadness and hurt did not end there, with every broken sliver of it carried within the sleeping memories of a heart that did not know how to heal. He composed and created music not only for the people he loved then, but also those whom he would eventually meet and come to love in the future. _Us._ The medley of those four pieces, played on a formerly-serene viola, was a flurry of sharp, bone-chilling high notes and despondent low notes, representing the shadows that had assaulted all five of them just as they were beginning to see light. _Myu-chan, Ran-Ran, me and Ai-Ai, in that exact order. Those four pieces were especially for us._ Even though he knew that this segment was all according to what they had planned for their performance, Reiji could still feel his own heart squeeze in pain as Natsuki, with both his expression and melody, conveyed the emotions that he had suffered both alone and with them. The suffering, every single drop of it. _It hurts the most because those emotions aren't just part of a performance. They're real. And what makes it worse is that in this grand finale, right here in the concert hall, there is someone who shouldn't be here at all. Someone who has broken Nattsun on the inside and, in turn, broke all of us in the heart as well._

His heart squeezed even tighter at the cruel recollection, at the memory of Natsuki trembling violently as tears trickled down his face upon getting the last of his sleeping memories back. 

_Suzanne Hanabusa. His former violin teacher is here._

Just a few days after the tickets for all of the concerts were sold out, a grim Shining had gathered all of QUARTET NIGHT alone in his office at the mansion, displaying a particular ticket purchase that had been made for the last STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT concert. Suzanne Hanabusa, who had tried to sexually assault a child Natsuki and gained fame through stealing his violin piece, was going to watch the final concert at a VIP, front-row seat. Shining mentioned that while he had the power to prevent his idols from working with individuals who could potentially endanger them, he, unfortunately, could not filter who could attend live shows, concerts included, without causing media exposure and even lawsuits without solid evidence. Suzanne had become a prominent figure in the musical industry and she was already talking about "her former prodigious student" at interviews and stating that she wanted to attend the concert to see how far Natsuki had come and maybe even take him in again. Reiji would never forget how angered and upset all of them had been when they first heard of this, with Ranmaru immediately spitting that Suzanne was an utter joke if she thought she had the right to refer to Natsuki as someone important to her after all that she had done, with all of them agreeing without hesitation. 

_She wants to use him again._

As the viola progressed deeper and deeper into a dark cadence, Reiji watched how Natsuki took stumbling steps back to where he was first standing onstage, as though he was hiding his own self away, the conflict and anguish in his eyes reflecting the melody being played. _The only reason why she would even try to reach out to Nattsun again is because she wants to make use of him again. Nattsun may not be a child prodigy anymore, but he is a musical genius who sings, composes, and plays his instrument in a way that no one can ever hope to imitate. She will break him again if it means that she'll go even higher._ Natsuki's eyes had widened in pure shock and anguish when Shining broke the news to them, and when Reiji took him by the hand, he noticed that Natsuki's hand was trembling. _And she will believe she can do exactly that because she thinks that he is weak and vulnerable._ Reiji felt Ai's fingers waver in his and he glanced at the youngest member of the quintet, who, despite being calm and collected, was affected by the performance. Especially as Natsuki sank heavily down onto his knees, earning soft gasps of shock from the audience, the sounds of the viola gradually fading as the lights began to dim away. _But it's not true. Not true at all._ The staff member whispered that it was almost time, and Reiji, Ai, Camus and Ranmaru nodded briefly and glanced at one another, their eyes reflecting the exact same grave expression.

_And she will never be able to use him again, for many reasons that sum up to one._

Reiji smiled faintly, a smile also tinged with pain and yet at the same time, resolution, and squeezed Ai's hand tightly as the shrill melody of the viola faded into cold silence, black darkness completely enveloping Natsuki, who stood in the very centre of it.

_She can't._

"Now."

Camus whispered, and the four of them began to make their way through the darkness, knowing exactly where Natsuki was as they had rehearsed this part countless of times. Their footsteps were a rainfall of gradually amplifying sound, meant for the audience to hear, as fate led the four of them to the bright yet broken boy that was all alone in the darkness. Once they reached him, Natsuki, knowing that they had come, gave them the bow and viola that he had been playing, which they handed over to a staff member who had come from the other wing and was slipping back to where he had come from in silence. The lights flashed upon the five of them, revealing Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus all surrounding Natsuki from behind and reaching their hands towards him, barely touching him, except that the lights had changed colour. _Sapphire. The brilliant blue of the cold yet bright moonlight._ Almost as soon as they flickered to life, the lights disappeared into the dark and Reiji felt a nudge from his right, allowing a soft grin to reach his lips. _There it is._ Another staff member gave him the instrument, which Reiji immediately took with a nod and placed on the floor in front of Natsuki as the others helped him scramble into a new jacket in the dark. _The clock has begun to struck midnight._ Like the bells announcing the time, the blue lights flickered repeatedly as the four senpais reached their arms even closer to Natsuki until they were really touching him, holding him, a sign that they had truly reached and accepted his true self. _The night is coming to life, whether anyone else realizes it or not._

As soon as the blue lights disappeared again, Reiji and Ai walked briskly towards the right wing while Ranmaru and Camus headed towards the left, knowing exactly what was about to happen. Firstly, silence. A silence to allow the scenes from earlier to sink in, to thicken the white fog of enigma that had already been growing with the ticking of the clock. And now... the sounds of moving fabric resonated softly in the air, the speakers mimicking the rustling of leaves, and slow yet steady and resolute footsteps were moving forward, like the arrow of the clock ticking from one to two to three... all the way up to twelve. This was their twelve. As he and Ai began putting on the jackets that they had left backstage, Reiji felt his heart thumping unsteadily in his chest as memories and emotions dyed in brilliant blue moonlight fell upon his heart like a thousand white songbirds. _This performance doubles as a story... our true story, including the moonlit night of June 9. The night the full moon was up in a beautiful spring with the celebrations of a birthday coming to a close..._

The memories of a bow sweeping powerfully against taut white strings overlapped with the present moment that they were living within and for as the first note slid and slipped across the darkness like a falsetto against cold glass. _Line 1: Viridian._ A past memory meeting the present that would not be nearly as bright without a painful past, and onward... to the future. Less than a second after the first note resounded, a second note was heard, sharper and more defined, and a second line was formed in the darkness of the stage onscreen. _Line 2: Crimson._ Then the third. _Lavender._ The fourth. _Ice-blue._ And last but definitely not least, the fifth. _Yellow._ The five lines formed a five-edged star, a quintet's star, and the moment the star was completed, as though an engine was revved up to life, the playing of the instrument amplified both in sound and speed, like a single shooting star cascading down in a deluge of thousands and thousands of stars in a night sky.

_That night, just like tonight, was a night brimming with the courage and strength that he had believed himself to not have, that all of us had not believed in ourselves to even be able to touch. It defined and defines the very reasons why no matter how hard even the cruellest people like Suzanne try... he is untouchable._

As soon as the star glowed white, the darkness was swept away like curtains, swallowed and engulfed by a radiant blue glow that resembled moonlight, unveiling the same young boy who had begun this live performance, whose heart was bright and kind and incandescent whether in the darkness or light... except that there was one immense difference that changed everything as the audience gasped and marvelled in utter shock, disbelief and awe.

_To those who try to hurt him or any of the rest of us, this is our silent declaration of war. But to everyone who has been beside us and are here with earnest intentions... it is the unravelling of the sheer strength, courage and emotions of a heart that had promised to protect those that its owner holds dearest to him. To us._

The main thing that changed... was the _instrument_.

 _Deep down, no matter what..._ _the instrument lived within him._

Reiji smiled sincerely as Ai glanced at him with a true smile, emotions surging through his heart like a maelstrom of melodies.

_The violin... It's returned home to him._

Natsuki Shinomiya

The last time that he saw his first violin was the day he last saw the violin teacher who had betrayed and broken his heart into countless shards. The day after the attempted assault, child Natsuki had gone back to the music room to get his composition sheets and musical instrument back, silently praying that Suzanne was not there to find him, only to find that all of it was gone. The music room held no trace that he or his former violin teacher were ever there, the case of the large piano closed, not a single music sheet or stringed instrument to be seen. Stunned, he had ran over to the receptionist, trying to calm down his trembling heart, and asked if anything had been found left behind in the particular classroom. That was when he found out from the lady that Suzanne had been the last to use the classroom before suddenly announcing her resignation, stating that she was pursuing a more professional musical career with a "new piece that she had composed by herself." It had felt as though a cold, hollow sound resounded in his heart and numbed his senses as he stumbled back, silently piecing together what he had just found out much too late.

_She took everything._

_She... She was hiding the fact that any of yesterday even happened._

_She... She just left. She took my violin and song... and left... me._

_She shattered my heart... smiled as she did it... and left._

That was why his parents had been unable to find his missing violin once his broken memories began being put to sleep by a newly-born Satsuki. Even during the final recital, Natsuki had borrowed the violin of a different music teacher, who had access to the music school's variety of instruments and kindly lent him a violin near identical to his former one. Natsuki's parents had been the one to return the violin to the music teacher, stating that Natsuki was struggling with painful matters that were private, to which he had nodded as though he understood and said that he hoped that Natsuki continued playing the violin.

 _Because when he plays the violin, he touches the hearts of everyone around him_ , the music teacher told Mum and Dad, who recalled the conversation to Natsuki more than a decade later, a warm smile on his face. He is what the music industry needs the most. _An earnest, emotional heart. Even the most technological or complicated of businesses cannot function without a heart capable of understanding and moving others... and it's him. I can tell._

_I couldn't play the violin again back then._

_After the recital with the last four violin pieces, I... I couldn't. I'm so, so sorry, but... I couldn't, no matter how sincerely the people around me wished for me to play, for them to be able to hear a moving melody again. But even though I could barely even begin to understand how broken my heart truly was, from the hidden memories and broken pieces to the alter ego who fought to protect me to a heart that was afraid of being broken in two... even as I wandered in the dark... I met four beautiful and amazing people who turned out to be just as broken and anguished as I was._

_Reiji Kotobuki. Ai Mikaze. Ranmaru Kurosaki. Camus._

_Rei-Rei. Ai-chan. Maru-chan. Myu-chan._

The five of them had been through so painfully yet also so incredibly much together. Their friendship and journey did not end when the Master Course was over or when the senpais left the shared dormitories. However, it was early autumn, on a cold late September night, when it became the first time the cracks of a shattered heart were too painfully vivid and unveiled under apathetic, glowing buildings that they could neither be denied nor hidden anymore. Amid the fractured pieces of his own memories and emotions, Natsuki followed the hearts beating with his own and found that those same hearts were scarred and wavering in their own dissimilar melodies. As each of his four senpais opened his heart and made flowers grow and blossom in that same heart, he looked deeper and deeper and found himself gazing at the multifarious sides of them which they had done too excruciatingly much to keep hidden from anything and anyone. 

_"... it'll break my heart so, so much... break me over and over again... if you end up... hating me for everything... Nattsun."_

Reiji... whose head was hung as his thick fedora overshadowed his face, warm tears stinging in his grey eyes as his lips held a shattered smile under the Ferris Wheel that changed colours ever 37 seconds...

_"I was terrified... of a cold eternity... without you guys... of being trapped... in this world... unable... to die... unable... to see you or hear you... again."_

Ai... whose large teal eyes reflected a pure sadness that his calm expression and voice hid too well at times, as he wandered through colours and emotions that he was unsure he could ever understand as well as the rest of them, even that night he lost his sight and voice...

_"'Cause even after all this time, all these freaking years... I've burned all alone, and no one understands what they have to, no one, just no one..."_

Ranmaru... who had broken down and screamed as the same flames that had kept him alive and burning combusted and seared through the scars of his trembling heart, his fists shaking as the tears did not do anything to quell the burning fire...

_"Although it sounds rather strange, can you... Shinomiya? Can you sing... and fill the void of my frozen heart?"_

And Camus, who had believed himself to have a heart that was frozen and empty, unloved and unwanted by his own biological family, and smiled painfully as the snow melted to reveal a wish to be earnestly loved for all of him, not only one side of him, let alone for an illusion of him.

All five of them only wanted to sincerely be themselves. To not be burdened by their pasts. To feel, see and touch. To have a hand to reach out to and be able to truly smile and be seen.

To love and be loved.

And all of it... The five of them met in an emotional pathway and grew to do all of it with and for one another, to be with one another and fight for one another, holding and reaching out for one another, regardless of any mistakes, flaws or scars, regardless how many flowers fell away or how many tears slipped down or how hard the rain fell. Holding and hugging one another, whispering gentle and earnest reassurances and encouragements, sleepovers and games and pranks, laughs and smiles and exclaims, singing and dancing and performing and practising... giving and sharing memories and moments and recollections... Together.

_All of it... is why we are here now._

Standing under the sapphire blue glow that resembled the moonlight of a night filled with the strength and courage that all of them had given him, Natsuki played the violin, the instrument that he had formerly believed that he could never touch again, his fingers pressing and curving as the bow glided across the strings, his heart following the quintet's shared melody like water flowing down the river that they loved to visit together. The violin was not the same violin that he had played as a child, but was one of his birthday gifts from Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus. It was the last wrapped present that they had given him that day, during the evening. Natsuki could tell that they were concerned and nervous when giving him this particular gift, unlike the other gifts, and when he realized what it was, he immediately understood why. They did not want to inadvertently break his heart and soul, afraid that they chose the wrong time. But emotions had, instead, stirred within his heart deeply, like ripples in clear water, and with a soft smile that he earnestly meant, he assured them that he loved the gift, that it was honestly kind and sweet of them to care about him this much.

And later that day, after the sun had set, he took the four of them and his parents to the forest and asked for them to wait for a bit, that they would know when the moment was right. He had headed deeper into the forest, opened the case, and gazed down at the violin and bow, realizing that instead of shrinking or flinching away from the instrument... his heart was welcoming it back home. Therefore, with pure strength, courage and warmth welling up like a thousand stars, knowing that his dearest people were waiting, he got into the proper stance, placed the violin over his left shoulder, and with a soft exhale and a warm smile...

He swung the bow and swept it across the strings for the first time in more than ten years, and the moonlight seemed to cascade around and upon him even brighter than before as the nocturnal birds of the forest soared.

_And tonight's dedication... is the same._

Slowing down the cadence yet maintaining a fast and fluent pace, Natsuki closed his eyes and smiled a little as his heart glowed in his chest, memories intertwining with the 'now' that they were living within with one another.

It's dedicated to all of us who love and are loved... who have gone on this journey together, without ever letting go.

" _'The flower of loneliness should blossom and fall_

 _But somehow growing distant...'_ "

Camus' deep baritone resonated throughout the moonlit stage with the lyrics of "Double Face". Approaching the very left of Natsuki, Camus, with a hand wrapped around the centre of his chest, smiled with a gentle, resolute gaze, his lips singing gracefully into his black ear microphone that matched Natsuki's.

" _'The wind warms my pride'_."

" _'I'd wished for wings, not a frozen heart'..._ "

Ai was the second to make his reappearance onstage, taking his position directly on Natsuki's right, his teal eyes glimmering with emotion as he held his ear microphone and smiled softly, his sweet, innocuous voice singing "Innocent Wind".

" _'You gave feathers of song to someone like me...'_ "

" _'So when I hold you tightly without fear,'..._ "

Reiji's voice was warm and nearly hushed as he stepped towards his position between Natsuki and Camus, his grey eyes glimmering as he sang the lyrics of "Itoshiki Hito e". Wrapping his arm around Natsuki as Camus stepped closer and placed a hand on his shoulder, Reiji beamed softly as he gazed around.

" _'Why, why, why_

 _Is it this warm?'_ "

" _'But I want to protect you...'_ "

Ranmaru was the last to reappear, striding towards his place next to Ai. Casually resting his elbow against Ai's right shoulder, Ranmaru grinned gently, his magenta and grey eyes soft under the blue glow of the stage as he sang lyrics from "Be Proud".

" _'Who loved me without fearing'..._ "

" _'For eternity...'_ " Natsuki was the last to sing his solo song "Promise to Sirius", gazing around as he slowly let his violin's melody fade into an exit, a warm smile tinging his lips and glistening in his heart, his voice quiet, " _'let's be together... I need your love'..._ "

He lowered his violin and bow to the ground, exhaling softly as he straightened himself and looked at his closest friends. The five of them giving one another small, sincere smiles, together, they gazed out to the audience and holding out and piling their right hands on top of one another's in the shape of five stars meeting at a single moment in time... their voices resonated with one another in harmonious emotion as they sang the lyrics of one of the multifarious group songs in which their hearts met across their journey that would never end: "QUARTET NIGHT".

And the reason that they could sing like this...

" _'I'll teach you... my eternal dream...'_ "

Was because none of them were alone anymore.

" _'Enchanting like you've never known before'..._ "

Not anymore. Not ever again.

" _'Love's_

_Q-U-_

_A-R-_

_T-E-_

_T_

_Night!'_ "

Each of the hands piled into one was lifted and pointed upwards to the sky, for all five of them were soaring higher and higher together, hand in hand, together with the flow of memories and time and stars alike. Like a deluge of stars and meteors crashing upon the earth, the immense applause and cheers and yells of the audience surrounding them erupted and flooded throughout the concert hall like fire and water as the background music burst through the speakers like shooting stars and the five of them, loudly and clearly, declared, "We are QUARTET NIGHT!" An ocean of white, ice-blue, lavender, yellow, viridian and crimson light sticks glowed throughout the dark expanse of the audience seats as their hearts pulsated loudly for and with one another throughout the faster-paced and powerfully vigorous segment of their performance. Wearing matching black jackets, each with five small stars with their theme colours, Ranmaru, Ai, Natsuki, Reiji and Camus began dancing to the energetic rhythm of "QUARTET NIGHT", having memorized the choreography together, and began their medley of group songs.

_The stars fell from the night sky years ago, but... the stardust remained deep inside our hearts, waiting for the day that they could shine again and be remade into stars that would never lose their light ever again._

Reiji spun freely across the stage, his medium-length brown hair swaying as his grey eyes smiled brightly. Camus and Ranmaru glanced at one another and shared a bro-fist with small but sincere smiles as they sang the same lyrics, and Ai smiled as he and Natsuki were pulled along by a beaming Reiji, the youngest member's teal eyes bright with unshed tears. His heart pulsated with glowing emotions, loud and alive, Natsuki wrapped his arms around Ai and Reiji as the three of them sang their shared lines, the stage glowing with countless golden and white lights, as though the five of them were performing in a galaxy of stars.

_Tonight... that is exactly what we will show you as we harmonize as one. The stardust that will never fade away no matter what happens._

Squeezing Reiji's hand, Natsuki beamed at all four of his closest friends as their five voices joined together yet again for the next chorus, the thumping beat of the music resembling the hearts that had come alive in their chests and were threatening to spill over with emotion. And without a single attempt to hold anything back, like birds with their wings spread apart...

Smiling earnestly, Natsuki felt a couple of tears fall from his eyes as they shared and lived within this moment, this memory where they were truly, utterly happy, together.

Their hearts soared.

Ai Mikaze

Ai remembered the countless discussions that the five of them had for their final group performance for the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT project. There were multifarious ideas and opinions and of course, quite the amount of bickering from certain stubborn individuals, but the main themes, which were namely friendship, family, emotions and memories, as well as their timeless journey together, were the constant that everyone agreed upon from the very start. Their memories were abundant, countless, and they wished to create a performance that could depict every piece of their hearts without it being too much to process. Every single segment was to be intertwined with one another and fit into the performance like the small pieces of a beautiful, intricate portrait. Throughout those extended discussions, whether it was over mugs of hot drinks in the apartment living room or during meetings in their favourite café or while waiting for STARISH, there were several times when the five of them would reminisce and recall a myriad of memories, sometimes even their own personal pasts, and it would cause multifarious kinds of emotions come rising and falling through him like soundwaves, sensed and felt by his beating heart.

The live show was not merely a performance. 

It was a depiction of true memories and conveyance of sincere emotions.

It was a memory in which their hearts could be entirely unlocked and spread in and out like butterfly wings, in which they could allow themselves to simply be surrounded by pure feelings and the bond that they would always share.

And so it was of no wonder that Ai could feel warm tears building up at the back of his eyes less than half through QUARTET NIGHT's performance. It felt quite like a miracle that he was even able to keep his voice steady throughout his singing, which he had his naturally-calm composure to thank. The sceneries gradually changed throughout the live performance. It had begun in pitch-black darkness, followed by a forest draped in blue moonlight that slowly intensified as the performance came to life, followed by more precious places that resembled flashes of memories, like the flower meadows and gardens at nighttime. 

With a time limit being allocated to both bands, QUARTET NIGHT had chosen to make full use of medleys of a large portion of their entire discography, with some songs even being slowed or rearranged for the concert. The five of them had given their utmost effort and tremendous amount of time to make the performance as impeccable and memorable as possible, spending hours in the practice room and recording studio training and recording, as well as overseeing one another's practices, including Natsuki's viola- and violin-playing. Ai had felt a true smile curve along his lips when he was observing Natsuki play his violin with a deep serenity that the latter used to be unable to touch or imagine when it came to the instrument. When an overjoyed Reiji cheered everyone on with bright smiles and pumped-up stances. When Camus conveyed encouragement not only with his voice, but also by initiating simple yet meaningful physical gestures like a squeeze on the shoulder or a pat on the back. When a normally-stubborn Ranmaru chose to relent and take breaks when he was exhausted and they told him to not push himself too far. Even during practice, the five of them were smiling and laughing together, which allowed pure warmth to emanate from Ai's own heart.

And all of it... led them to now.

Holding his ear microphone even closer, Ai let a few tears fall freely as he harmonized with Natsuki, Reiji, Camus and Ranmaru, their performance slowly drawing to an end. Under a backdrop of a glittering night sky with silver, yellow, ice-blue, lavender, crimson and viridian stars, they were singing the ballad version of "Starlight Memory" and he found it beautiful how their quintet began coming together during cold, dark night, displayed by the pitch-black darkness at the beginning, and how now, united as one, they were standing under a sky glistening in their colours, extremely close as they held one another, embracing their moment as he noticed that his four closest friends were crying too, even if just a few tears were visible. Tears trickling his cheeks, he felt and let Reiji and Natsuki hold him even closer as they sang the final chorus with Ranmaru and Camus, who stepped closer too.

" _'Ah, your starlight twinkling in the sky_

_A kiss that lasts until the dawn_

_Uh, even after a lifetime, it will not fade_

_I want to shine on with this eternal dream!'_ "

As he sang, memories overflowed throughout his entire being like flower beds throughout a barren land, and he was reminded of a particular individual whom he had not seen for more than 5 and a 1/2 months now. Hakase, the doctor who first created him, wanted him to learn and understand emotions, connections, friendships and what it meant to love and feel. Hakase, who was like the father he never had, had cared for him even though he did not have to, even when Ai was uncertain if he was truly able to feel, if he was truly his own person. He missed Hakase dearly, just like how each and every single one of his best friends had at least one person whom they missed time after time, but at the same time, deep inside his heart, he knew that both Hakase and Aine were watching him from afar, even if he did not know where 'afar' was. They were watching all five of them and as they did... they were smiling in earnest, sincerely happy that they were where they were now.

That Ai was happy, which was what Hakase had wished for him from the very first day.

And they could not have been even closer to the truth, because he was earnestly happy. Because as long as he was with his four dearest friends, it was evidently and earnestly impossible to not be... because they were his heart. His home.

" _'Words alone_

_Will not convey it,_

_So then'..._ "

Intertwining his fingers with Natsuki and Reiji's, the five of them holding hands with one another, Ai turned and found that all five of them were facing one another with soft, pure smiles as they sang not just for the audience, but also, and wholeheartedly, to and for one another, their inseparable quintet. His heart trembling with warm, powerful emotions evoked by everything that was happening and surrounding him, he smiled warmly through his tears as they sang their very last verses with eyes reflecting one another's emotions and tears, holding on and never letting go.

Happiness, sadness, pain, gratitude, anguish...

" _'We'll be enfolded'"_

Sunny days, rainfall, storms, rainbows, all four seasons...

_"'By this'"_

He wanted to continue experiencing everything with his four dearest friends, everything...

 _"'True 'love''..._ "

And he would. Deep inside of him, he knew that he always would.

Once their voices and the music had disappeared into silence, countless members of the audience rose from their seats and burst into a standing ovation, their claps, cheers and cries thundering with sheer passion like floods and floods of sound raining down onto the five of them onstage. Standing in a row with their hands still holding one another's, Camus, Ranmaru, Reiji, Ai and Natsuki bowed deeply and turned to one another, their breaths wavering and shaky with emotion and exhaustion as tears shone in their gentle gazes and sweat beaded on their faces. Camus nodded briefly with a sincere smile that was also tinged with tears as Ranmaru grinned and let out a quivering breath. Reiji let out a few sobs and beamed gently as Natsuki blinked a few times and smiled softly, the latter pulling the ear microphone away from his lips and whispering, "I love you guys." Nodding with a true smile as tears ran down his cheeks, Ai echoed the words back as Camus, Ranmaru and Reiji's expressions softened and they murmured and whispered the same. Without any need for even a single additional word, the five of them pulled one another close and into a tight group hug, crying and laughing together as the audience's cheers grew louder.

His heart was beating fast and unsteadily. 

The heart that did not need oxygen to pulse... was glowing.

Love... That was what he was feeling now.

Tightening his arms around Camus and Reiji, Ai smiled one of the brightest smiles that he ever recalled giving, a reflection of the heart that understood and felt this much because of all four of them. There were too many things in this world that were subject to change, causing pain, sadness and grief, but one thing that would always remain constant was that the five of them - Ai, Camus, Reiji, Natsuki and Ranmaru - would always be together.

And that alone... would always be more than enough to keep him moving forward.

Always.

Natsuki Shinomiya

The night after the STARISH X QUARTET NIGHT concert, the five of them and Alexander had a sleepover in Reiji and Natsuki's shared bedroom. Shining had given all the Shining Stars a much-needed break and warned them in advance that their schedules would all be extremely hectic due to rising demand for them given the success of the entire project as a whole. After a long night of smiles, laughter and their usual, colourful and wonderful chaos, the five of them fell asleep on pillows and mattresses and tucked under colourful blankets, with Natsuki snuggled between Ranmaru and Reiji. Given how much fatigue they all felt, it was not at all a surprise that they fell asleep almost as soon as they closed their eyes and murmured sleepy goodnights.

But... what Natsuki did not expect was to find himself in what felt like a dream but his heart told him was not a dream. Blinking slowly and softly, he found himself standing in a season that appeared to be a combination of winter and spring. Pink cherry blossom trees were in full bloom as multi-coloured flowers such as blue and white forget-me-nots and yellow roses spread across the verdant grass dappled by warm sunshine. In that same sunshine, white patches of snow overlapped the grass and coated branches and tree stumps, and frost encased some of the branches and leaves. Surprised and confused, Natsuki carefully looked around, unsure what he was looking for, until a familiar voice called out to him.

"Natsuki."

Stilling, Natsuki's eyes widened. "Sacchan." He turned around and found Satsuki already facing him, standing only a few metres away from him. "Sacchan, is everything okay?"

"Natsuki," Satsuki began, pulling his hands out from the pockets of his long black trousers as he looked directly into Natsuki's eyes, approaching him, "I summoned you here through your sleep as I needed to talk to you about something really important. Something that should be coming from me when it means that the truth won't end up piercing you like a knife." His green eyes were as serious as his voice. "We can't exactly do this in real life for obvious reasons, so I brought you here, because you need and deserve to know. You really do."

Satsuki stopped walking as soon as he was directly in front of Natsuki. Placing his hands on Natsuki's shoulders, Satsuki squeezed tightly, his own green eyes turning gentler, unveiling painfully vivid pain that made Natsuki's breath hitch in shock. However, his next words, softly uttered, were what froze Natsuki's heart like a delicate flower into sheer cold.

"Natsuki... it's time for me to leave. The time has come... for me to go."

_"Only you show the way without hesitation_

_I need you with me._

_I need you to stay._

_With your sincerity, purer than an angel"_

\- "Marriage", by QUARTET NIGHT (Showtaro Morikubo, Tatsuhisa Suzuki, Shouta Aoi, and Maeno Tomoaki)

_"Beneath the dazzling stardust,_

_Our eyes met_

_I want to whisper into your ear_

_That I will love you eternally"_

\- "The dice are cast", by QUARTET NIGHT (Showtaro Morikubo, Tatsuhisa Suzuki, Shouta Aoi, and Maeno Tomoaki)


	74. Spring Day

Natsuki Shinomiya

"Natsuki... it's time for me to leave."

His fingers curling even more around Natsuki's shoulder, Satsuki smiled a little, his green eyes reflecting the same agony that was beginning to burrow its way through Natsuki's heart.

"The time has come... for me to go."

"W... Wait..."

His voice was weak as Natsuki stared at Satsuki with widened eyes, barely over a shaky whisper as he reached his hand and placed it over Satsuki's on his shoulder. _No... no..._ Petals of pale pink sakura and white forget-me-not flowers were beginning to sink down the bright azure sky that had become too painfully vivid along with the crystalline snow, like the cold, cold emotions that were trickling through the crevices of his heart that were getting wider and wider each time the words pierced deeper. _No... Sacchan..._ Trying to remain calm, he looked into Satsuki's eyes, swallowing thickly, and spoke even if his words would come out trembling.

"Sacchan, you're... you're leaving...?"

"Yeah." Satsuki's voice was barely audible, and Natsuki let out a quivering breath.

"W... Why...?"

"Because, Natsuki..."

Satsuki gently pulled his hand away from Natsuki's own, his green eyes gentle yet grave.

"Because you don't need me anymore."

Natsuki's eyes dilated in utter shock. "Sacchan, that's not t-"

"Not in the way you're thinking," Satsuki cut in, shaking his head as he took a few steps back. "You never once abandoned or forgot me. You treated me like I was my own person, even when I myself found it really hard to believe. If there's anything that never changed about you from the moment I knew you, it's your kindness. Always your kindness. But... what changed is your strength. Definitely and inevitably your strength."

Satsuki closed his eyes for a moment, almost as though he was holding something in, and opened them again before continuing to speak.

"Natsuki... the reason that I was born, why you suffered from Gemini Syndrome, is because more than ten years ago, you were broken by your own emotions and memories and were not strong enough to handle the weight of everything on your own. That psychopath of a violin teacher was the trigger that made a heart that was too kind and too selfless collapse and shatter alone without fathoming how to piece itself back together. I, your alter ego, was born to protect you from the pain, sadness and all those kinds of emotions both from outside of you and deep within your heart. It included fighting anyone who dared to hurt you even once and taking on the role of the gatekeeper of your sleeping memories, which included the instrument that you were in too much pain to play. But now..." Breathing out a slow, even exhale, Satsuki's expression softened marginally. "You're strong. Even stronger than I hoped for you to be. You have unlocked the strength to fight for and protect not only the people you love and care about the most, but also yourself. And so... my reason for existing has been completed."

Satsuki smiled faintly as his eyes glimmered in the vivid sunlight.

"You're strong enough to go on without me. You really are. You don't have to be scared, because that's the truth and I wouldn't be letting go if I wasn't completely sure you were."

"But that's... that's not what I'm afraid of the most, Sacchan."

Taking a step forward, Natsuki felt a lump thicken in his throat as his shoulders quivered with emotion, his heart squeezing painfully in his chest as the petals and snowflakes fell across the sky of spring and winter.

"You're family... Sacchan," he breathed out, his quiet voice quavering along with his heartbeat, wavering like a candlelight in the wind. "It doesn't matter if you were born as my alter ego or from my pain or anywhere else. It doesn't change the fact that I grew to really, really love and care about you with all of my heart as a protective brother who has always, always protected me. I love you." His voice was barely audible as tears began trickling down his cheeks and a sob cracked through his lips. "I love you, Sacchan. I want to be with you too, and even though I haven't felt it yet, I know that once you're gone... it's going to leave a hole that will never be filled in my heart. A piece of me that belongs to you... it'll be gone too."

Tears stinging in his eyes, Natsuki reached forward and took Satsuki's hand, squeezing tightly to try and convey the feelings spilling through his heart like waves.

"I know in my heart that I n-need to let go... but I don't know I can... because I don't want to. Because I really, really don't want to let go of you, Sacchan... my family..."

Satsuki stared at Natsuki, shocked for the first time throughout the entire conversation, his emerald eyes wide as his hand stiffened in Natsuki's. "Natsuki... you..." His voice quiet, he lowered his head, averting his eyes away. "You have no idea what you're _doing_ to me. I knew that getting into this wasn't going to be anywhere near easy, but you... you're making even that a sheer understatement right now. And that's because... _this_... wasn't supposed to happen."

Satsuki clenched his teeth as his hand began to tremble, sheer anguish unravelling in his tight green eyes as tears began to prickle in those same eyes.

"Not wanting to leave each other..." his voice was tortured with agony, "was _not_ supposed to happen."

Natsuki's heart cracked into pieces as Satsuki silently crumbled, his eyes wide with anguish seeing Satsuki this broken and vulnerable for the first time and the last time. "Sacchan..."

"You were not even supposed to know that I existed up until the very end. I may be your alter ego, but to make separation as painless as possible, I swore to myself that up until the end, you would never find out that I existed, and did everything I could to make sure it stayed that way. Even after you found out about me in the worst way possible on that broken night that sicko Tablo Ozrock came at you, I did everything I could to stick to that freaking plan that I swore would go through, to never let us be anything beyond a human and his alter ego to each other. I did it for you, because I put you first no matter what and I was the one who knew of our separation from the very start. Yet... yet even if I ain't entirely a human being, I have a heart too." His free hand curled its fingers around his own chest and trembled violently with his words. "And this freaking, freaking heart drew closer and closer to yours as I watched over you, as I got to know who your true self was: a young, innocent boy who is too incredibly kind, compassionate, caring, selfless, bright and sincere. A prodigious musician who has been taken for granted too many times to keep track of and yet keeps wearing his heart on his sleeve and smiling warmly to everyone around him. A beautiful heart so pure and radiant that the first time I spoke directly with you all those months ago... I knew it was game over for me, because while being as kind you are, you drew closer and closer to me, that wasn't all. _I_ myself drew closer and closer to you, and I couldn't even push you away because it would hurt both of us."

Rough sobs clawed out of Satsuki's throat as his eyes pierced through Natsuki's, stinging and burning with tears and excruciating emotions like embers that were too painfully bright and vivid and yet were meant to disappear.

"So believe me when I say that I don't want to leave either. I thought that leaving would have been way less painful, but... I should have known it was impossible. I don't want to leave you, Natsuki. I may have been acting calm, but God knows that I hate this with every inch of my beating heart. 'Cause you aren't just a human that I was born to protect. You... You're my closest friend and family... You're my brother, you know."

Satsuki heaved out a painful breath and strained to offer a weak smile, tears rolling down his cheeks like rivulets as he placed a hand over Natsuki's and squeezed tightly even as his hands let out heavy tremors.

"You're the person I care about not because I have to, but because I want to. You loved and cared about me as I was and even when you didn't have to, and... I couldn't have asked for a better person to be an alter ego to. I am glad... that I got to be the shadow to your light, the darkness to your sun... Natsuki."

Choking and hiccupping on his own sobs, Natsuki could feel warm tears streaming down his cheeks as he placed his remaining hand over Satsuki's and gave his near identical twin a small yet sincere smile, countless emotions submerging his heart like slow yet powerful tidal waves. The cold, gentle zephyrs blew against their blond hair and brushed past the tears on their faces and in their eyes as their sadness, anguish and wistful wishes dissolved every speck of colour around them, be it the white of the crystalline snow, the pink, blue and lilac of the flowers, the light verdant of leaves and grass, or the azure of the sky that illumined the cracks of their hearts, like the water of time that would eventually carry them away from each other. The white snow and pink sakura petals seemed to shower down faster and with more of one another as the two blonds faced each other and smiled weakly, like the tears cascading from their eyes in an uneven melody that could never be defined.

"If I could... I would have taken you by the hand and brought you to so many beautiful places."

Natsuki admitted quietly. Even though he knew that Satsuki knew how he felt and what he thought, Natsuki wanted to say it aloud when he still could, even if this was the last time he ever would be able to.

"Drinking a mug of hot chocolate or latte at a heartwarming café, taking walks around the shopping centres and malls, sitting in Rei-Rei's beloved green car and listening to anything you wanted, seeing the flowers in the meadows and gardens and the water by the river, celebrating your birthday, Christmas, Valentine's, Halloween, April Fool's, Friendship Day, doing so, so much more... I wanted to share so, so much with you, Sacchan... and I am sure that Rei-Rei, Ai-chan, Myu-chan and Maru-chan would have loved to get to know you better too and Eli-kun would have loved you too. Sacchan... you aren't just an alter ego or a shadow or anything like that. You're your own person... an incredibly kind, genuine and amazing person who protected me too many times to count and taught me what it meant to be truly, truly strong and brave."

Even though his lips were shaking, Natsuki breathed out a quiet exhale and smiled softly.

"You're you. You always have been... and always will be."

"And you're the same."

Relinquishing a few deep laughs, Satsuki cracked a smile, nodding briefly.

"And you're wrong... if you think that I didn't get to experience any of it at all. Because I lived through you and even though it would have admittedly been wonderful if we could do all of that together, I was content and happy experiencing the memories through you. It's my fate, but that fate was the brightest that it could be because I was with you. So thank you... Natsuki."

"No... Thank you, Sacchan."

Shaking his head, Natsuki smiled softly, squeezing Satsuki's hands tightly.

"Thank you... for letting my heart truly breathe and smile."

Satsuki sighed and nodded with a slight smile adorning his face as he squeezed back, his breath slower and calmer than before as Natsuki felt his heart slow even amid its pitch sadness and anguish towards what was about to come. Natsuki felt the hands in his carefully pull away and his heart clenched in his chest even though he himself understood and began letting go, warm tears threatening to break free from his eyes all over again. Once they let go, however, a pair of arms wrapped around his body and pulled him into a tight and protective hug. Allowing his own eyes to fall to a close, Natsuki exhaled softly and hugged Satsuki back just as tightly, silently sinking into the warm emotions and feelings amid this one hug even if it would disappear into the seasons eventually. Burying his face into Satsuki's shoulder, Natsuki smiled a bit more as warm words like "Thank you", "I love you" and "Just a little longer" reverberated into his heart like a nostalgic melody through a river. He was still terrified - that did not change. He still did not want Satsuki to go, to take his glasses off and know that Satsuki was no longer there. Neither did he want to place a hand over his chest and feel the missing piece of his beating heart that was missing the one and only alter ego who had protected him all this time. 

But he knew... that regardless how much more time passed... they needed to part ways. It was already too excruciating as it was at this very moment and Natsuki knew that neither of them would be happy if they kept waiting for and dreading a departure that would eventually come. Satsuki wanted him to truly live... and Natsuki was going to fulfil that wish, for the both of them, no matter how much it hurt. Squeezing the fabric of Satsuki's dark blue jacket, Natsuki let the tears flow freely from his heart and eyes as Satsuki pulled him even closer and they stood alone in the meadows of winter and spring, countless wishes and recollections welling up like flowers reaching for the sky as they surrounded them both like birdies and butterflies that wished to touch the endless blue. 

"Goodbye... Natsuki."

Satsuki murmured, his voice quiet and soft.

"See you again. And until then... take care."

"I will, Sacchan."

Natsuki whispered, smiling faintly.

"Take care of yourself too. And smile too, okay?"

"Yeah."

A smile was heard in Satsuki's voice.

"Of course. And that's because of you too."

The pink sakura petals and white snowflakes fell even heavier as Satsuki took in one last breath and let it out into the open, his hands squeezing Natsuki tightly. Within a moment of silence, he disappeared from Natsuki's arms, like he was as ephemeral as a beautiful spring day, leaving a pair of arms spread open with nothing but empty air. Almost immediately, Natsuki's eyes slowly dilated in utter anguish as he stared down at his empty arms and hands, warm tears trickling down his cheeks as a lone name slipped up his raw throat and through his trembling lips. Little by little, the green of the grass was covered by the snow and petals like a forest being veiled by puddles and puddles of colours as the light intensified into white and obscured his tear-filled vision.

Left behind were unseen tears that had witnessed a piece of his heart disappear.

...

It felt like winter in spring.

That landscape was a scenery of the two seasons in one, but as he stared up at the ceiling with tears stinging in his eyes, Natsuki felt more like he had just emerged from a spring that had been piled over with cold, crystalline snow, flowers that had been numbed because they had been left in the cold winter for too long. Forcing himself up into sitting position on the bed, Natsuki slowly placed a hand over the right temple of his black-framed glasses and hesitantly pulled it off. His vision was less clear than before, but it was still him. He did not feel like too much time had passed or that he was not at all sure what had happened. His glasses were in his hand and he was staring at the walls encircling the shared bedroom, which meant... His heart squeezing tightly in his chest, Natsuki lowered his head and clutched his chest, trying to stop his tears from falling as he strained to not let a single cry or broken syllable out. His head heavy with trembling memories and emotions, Natsuki could feel his cheek turning wetter as he barely felt a pair of arms pull him to one side and hug him tightly. He could barely even hear his name being called as the memories of the flowers and the snow and his dear friend who had just disappeared dissolved his head and heart. Tightening his quivering hand around his glasses, he let out a choked cry, his breaths soft yet shaky, and whispered.

"Sacchan..."

Facing Reiji, whose grey eyes were filled with pure worry and anguish, Natsuki reached his free hand out, which the brunet immediately took and held tightly, unable to even crack a smile as the empty hole in his heart felt even bigger than before.

"Sacchan."

_"Burning fiercely in the night sky, Orion! The flames of your heart,_

_That's the way it should be, and that's how you should live!_

_Just as I lament, I'll continue searching through my doubts"_

\- "Orion de Shout Out", by Natsuki / Satsuki Shinomiya (Kisho Taniyama)

_"That's right, I sing for your sake_

_We two are overlapping! By your strength..._

_Because I can meet you, I'm waiting on the moon..."_

\- "Southern Cross Waltz", by Natsuki Shinomiya (Kisho Taniyama)


	75. Epilogue - Light and Shadow

_Two months later..._

_"The light and shadow were not supposed to meet, countless people said. Too many times, it was because coming from opposite sides of the world, the two were destined to loathe the existence of the other. But less often than that, more sentimental but also heartbreaking, they loved and cherished each other but devoted too much to the other that they did not realize the damage being done. The shadow that wanted to protect the light dived deeper into the darkness but suffocated itself in the process. The light that wanted the shadow to be truly seen and understood dimmed its own light as it waxed and waned like a candle. Had they never met, both would be alive. Breathing."_

The paper draft of the prologue of the quintet's main project's new arc fluttered in the gentle autumn wind as two hands from two people who were dissimilar yet each other's closest friends held it carefully. A reflection of true personal experience, it contained of memories that were, even now, filled with sadness and pain, but also reminded them that they were not alone amid all of it. Pulling the serene younger male closer to him, the older male could not help the soft smile on his face as they reviewed the draft together, even though they were reasonably sure that there was nothing that they wished to change.

_"The question that needs to be asked, however, is: Would they be this happy if they never met?"_

"Nattsun! Ai-Ai!"

A loud, cheerful voice called out, effectively breaking the peaceful silence. Before either of the two males could respond, however, they were both swept into a tight and enormous hug courtesy of the oldest member of their beloved quintet. Natsuki chuckled warmly and Ai sighed with a small smile as Reiji squeezed them happily and they held him in return, the draft thankfully held securely by Ai's remaining hand.

"Sorry to keep you waiting! Myu-chan, Ran-Ran and I stopped by our favourite café to pick up lattes for us five!"

"And to think that you and Ranmaru were jesting about me when I asked to borrow Natsuki's membership card," Camus stated, an amused smile adorning his lips as he and Ranmaru approached the three males who were already sitting on the soft verdant grass, each of the two normally-bickering males carrying a medium-sized pink paper bag. "Their seasonal selection is quite delectable, to say in the least."

"Anything that has large doses of sugar is good to that sweet tooth of yours," Ranmaru countered, shaking his head as he groaned. "Natsuki, Ai, if you wanna know why we took too long, ask Camus how many different kinds of toppings he put into his drink! Even the cashier was panicking when she took his order!"

"Camus, I am extremely concerned as to how many calories your drink comprises of."

"I know right!"

"Myu-chan's drink must look really pretty and colourful, right?"

"Don't encourage him, Natsuki!"

"If you would like, you may have a sip or two-"

"And you don't get our kiddo addicted to sugar, ice king!"

As always, quiet serenity was always short-lived whenever the five members of QUARTET NIGHT were in the same place, inimitable colours blended in with the group's permanent sense of chaos and noise that were often accompanied by yells, laughs and protests. However, within those colours was also an earnest tranquility that may not be the most noticeable at first glance, but was settled deep within their hearts like a soft blanket draped over a pillow no matter how much screaming was involved. As much as they each had their own viewpoints on Camus' abnormal sugar intake, Camus, Reiji, Ai and Ranmaru all could not help but smile and chuckle seeing how their sweet and innocent Natsuki's green eyes sparkled at how colourful Camus' iced bubble tea was, mixed with an assortment of colourful toppings such as pudding and jelly. "You're super, super adorable, Nattsun!" Chuckling warmly, Natsuki smiled and said that the four of them were the ones who were cute and immediately squeezed Ai and Reiji into a warm hug, who smiled sincerely and pulled both Camus and Ranmaru in for a five-man group hug. 

Glancing at each other, Ranmaru and Camus smiled faintly as they let themselves be pulled into the gesture of physical affection and the five of them began relaxing together after a long day of idol work. While Natsuki and Ai's last job for the day was a casual-themed photo shoot, Ranmaru, Camus and Reiji's was a live performance. As the five QUARTET NIGHT boys settled comfortably on the grass by the river and passed their drinks to one another, they began chatting casually about a myriad of different topics. Eli and Yuuto were working on their group graduation song with three fellow Saotome Gakuen students whom they had met and befriended. The eleven Shining Stars would soon begin working on a new project, the Shining Theatrical Trope, and were divided into three sub-units. Ranmaru cursed and groaned at the fact that Ren would be teasing him non-stop during the production of "Joker Trap", with that particular sub-unit comprising of the two of them, Camus and Tokiya. Camus, on the other hand, turned to Reiji, Ai and Natsuki and remarked with a small smile that as much as both he and Ranmaru would have to deal with a particular flirtatious peasant's goading, the three other QUARTET NIGHT members were incredibly fortunate to be placed in a three-man unit together for "Masquerade Mirage".

"I was honestly shocked when Shiny-san announced that the three of us were the first unit," Reiji commented, letting out a few hearty laughs after taking a sip of his matcha latte. "But more than shocked, I was super, super excited and happy that I get to work with two of my dearest and precious besties!" Turning to Ai and Natsuki, Reiji beamed brightly, his grey eyes shimmering under the warm sunshine. "And with a masquerade theme, no less! A theme of mystery, twists and turns, graceful dancing and wonder... it's perfect for the three of us!"

"Not to mention, it overlaps significantly with the latest storyline for our quintet's main project," Ai stated, glancing down at the draft that he and Natsuki had been reading, a small smile gracing his features. "The theme of shadows and light is both contemporary and riveting, as well as relatable given how much emotion it contains. Considering what 'Joker Trap' and 'Tenka Muteki no Shinobi Michi' are about, spies and ninjas respectively, I believe that they are similar in terms of that aspect."

"You ain't wrong," Ranmaru remarked, his lips slanting into a slight grin as he ruffled Ai's teal hair. "I gotta say that it's one thing I really like about 'Joker Trap'. It's not gonna be half-bad learnin' how to use firearms and acting as spies for the drama."

"As though you of all people needed more weapons for violence." Camus scoffed.

"Says the one who already knows how to use guns."

"I agree with Camus. Your fists are difficult to restrain as it is. Teaching you how to use firearms is not at all beneficial for your cause."

"Oi-"

"But you guys will be using toy guns, right?"

"I wouldn't exactly say _'toy'_ -"

"Because he can easily make even a toy an actual weapon."

"Why you-"

Ranmaru scowled at a smirking Camus as Ai, Natsuki and Reiji laughed in earnest, the river flowing in serene silence as the water glistened in the beautiful evening sun. However, as much as he could take on and counter Camus' remarks all day, Ranmaru ended up laughing himself as Reiji grabbed Camus' hand and unceremoniously pulled him even closer to the group. The sky above and around them glowed with swirls of gorgeous pink, orange and yellow over pale azure, the first signs of another timeless sunset that the five of them would get to watch together, those colours reflected by the water that was moving in its own slow dance. As the glow of the sky intensified, so did the darkness of the trees and bushes' shades and shadows that lied themselves against the grass. The shades and shadows, too, danced in their own waltz that followed the red and orange leaves that cast them in response to the light, as butterflies and birds took their own flights. Shadows and light, bright and dark... All of it was an endless juxtaposition that made this special place, as well as this world, as it was, a constant that could never be altered.

Gazing up at the sky, Natsuki felt the warm sunshine seep down upon them as the words _'shadow and light'_ travelled within him like a wandering hummingbird following the cadence of the breeze. His dark maroon jacket ruffled by the autumn wind, he could see memories of a particular old and dear friend of his trickle through the corner of his head like fallen leaves following the current of the river and a dull ache throbbed against his heart. Ever since the night Satsuki cried and gave his farewell, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru and Camus had been helping Natsuki gradually recover, making sure that he was going to be fine without his alter ego. Satsuki's departure had left an empty hole deep within Natsuki's heart, and Natsuki's four closest friends had been extremely warm and understanding, doing everything they could to distract him from painful thoughts and calming him and reassuring him whenever the emotions built up too much. Natsuki had also done everything he could to remain strong and move forward, knowing that it was what all of them and Satsuki wanted, and he knew that he could because he had all of them. It did not stop Natsuki from missing Satsuki, however, especially with how the latest theme of their main project and "Masquerade Mirage" really related to him. 

But as much as it would always hurt at least a little...

Natsuki was earnestly able to smile. And because of that, so could Satsuki.

"Satsuki-chan's watching us, isn't he?"

The arm wrapped around his shoulders tightened with warmth. His eyes widening slightly, Natsuki turned and found Reiji smiling fondly at him, his grey eyes tender with emotion.

"He's got nothing to worry about, because no matter how crazy and wild our adventures get, the five of us are always gonna be right next to one another just like this. Because we're a family and always will be."

"Together," Ai stated softly, giving Natsuki's hand a small squeeze. "Qualities such as kindness, love, empathy, friendship, compassion and everything else... we can comprehend all of it because we are together. Satsuki can rest peacefully now, because he knows that you are not alone and never will be ever again." His face softened into a sincere smile. "You have us."

"And we have you, kiddo," Ranmaru added, a soft grin in his heterochromatic eyes as he draped his arms around Ai's shoulders. "A five-way street that goes in both directions. Through both shadow and light, both dark and bright..."

"We are united as one." Camus completed the sentence, smiling in earnest as he placed a hand over Reiji's shoulder and squeezed tightly. "Let the shadows be as dark as they can be and the light be as bright as possible, because there is nothing to be afraid of. And as much as you and Reiji are generally the first to initiate such words, allow me to begin this time." His features turned gentler. "I love all of you."

"I love you guys." Reiji's voice was almost hushed.

"Love ya lot." Ranmaru was grinning.

"I love you." Ai's voice was soft and innocent.

"I love you." Natsuki's voice was a quiet whisper that only the five of them could hear, his eyes filled with true warmth that made his heart waver deeply as a soft, sincere smile eased on his lips. "Thank you and I love you. They will neither ever change nor stop coming from me, because I'll always be so grateful that I got to love you and be with you. And that I know you feel the same."

Everyone's gazes softened as Natsuki's smile turned warmer.

"I'm happy that we are all happy. I really, really am."

The prologue draft had been tucked safely back into Ai's lilac file as the five of them held one another and continued sharing warm sentiments and earnest words, their eyes glistening with a pure warmth that was brighter than even the sky dipped in the colours of an eventual sunset. The remainder of that particular writing read: _"Sometimes a miracle happens, and neither the shadow nor light ends up disappearing. The darker the shadow, the brighter the light. The brighter the light, the darker the shadow. Sometimes it is really as it is. The shadow and light are as strong as they are because they are with each other, because they have each other. They watch over each other even if they cannot always be seen together, feelings unchanged, memories everlasting, like how the moon will always remain in the night sky no matter how many times the sun rises and falls."_

Snuggling closer to his four dearest friends as they pulled him closer, Natsuki smiled peacefully as a million fragments of emotions and memories reflected the light of his warmth like a prism and allowed countless colours to emanate within his heart that was beating with theirs.

_"The truth is that our memories and connections are beautiful, because there are both shadows and lights. Because of that emotional and beautiful juxtaposition."_

"Together."

Reiji repeated the word in a near whisper, closing his eyes with a soft smile as he carded his fingers through Natsuki's hair and Ai's, neither of the five needing to watch the sunset because there were brighter colours welling up within their hearts. 

"We're all here, the five of us. Together and always. Together and always..."

_"As we nestle together, we'll believe in tomorrow_

_The things for which words are not enough,_

_We'll play them together, weaving them into sound"_

\- "Marriage", by QUARTET NIGHT (Showtaro Morikubo, Tatsuhisa Suzuki, Shouta Aoi and Maeno Tomoaki)


	76. Thank You

Thank you so much to everyone who read and supported this fanfiction. Writing this across a span of about two years, I wholeheartedly enjoyed writing out this story and hope that you, too, enjoyed this story and going along this journey with Natsuki, Reiji, Ai, Ranmaru, Camus and everyone else. With this being my first Uta no Prince-sama fanfiction and second fanfiction overall, thank you for giving this book a chance and I hope that it moved your heart and made you smile.

Thank you once again; I am sincerely grateful.


End file.
